Hannah Brown: How to Feel Blessed in Your Mess and Love Yourself Finally!

Full Video Available on YouTube ⁠@JamieKernLimaOfficial⁠. Are You Ready to believe in YOU?🙌⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠ 👈 Sign up for my FREE Inspirational Newsletter here and you’ll ALSO get special prompt questions to help you grow in your self-worth-building that pair with each episode!🩷 Make sure to click the “Follow” button for the show on your favorite podcast app, so you’ll be the first to get each episode! ____ Imagine loving yourself fully and entirely! Imagine celebrating loving yourself, and instead of feeling like it’s somehow self-centered, realizing, instead that loving yourself is the greatest gift you could possibly give to the people you love most, including your kids, your partner, your family and your friends. Get ready for a life-changing episode as we dive into self-love today with the amazing Hannah Brown! Plus Hannah takes us inside her upcoming wedding, how her and her fiancé are healing together, the inside scoop on the Bachelorette, Bachelor, Bachelor in Paradise and MORE! You know her from the Bachelorette, Dancing with the Stars, Bachelor in Paradise and also as a 2x New York Times bestselling author, People’s Choice Award Winner and so much more! Hannah Brown is here today and I am SO excited as she’s not only a light she’s also a true force! Hannah’s incredible authenticity, raw real honesty and beautiful vulnerability has garnered her more than 4 and a half million followers on social media, where she advocates for mental health awareness, and emphasizes the importance of self-love. She currently lives in Nashville with her fiancé Adam and dog, Wally, and she also has a brand new book out now called The Four Engagement Rings of Sybil Rain! Episode Reflection Questions for YOU: Jamie writes prompt questions each episode to spark revelations in your self-worth journey and help you apply the tools and lessons from each episode into your real life right now. Please make sure you’re signed up for Jamie’s free inspirational newsletter ⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠ 👈 Get my new book WORTHY plus FREE Bonus gifts including a 95+ page Worthy Workbook and more at ⁠WorthyBook.com⁠ For more resources related to today’s episode, click here ⁠https://jamiekernlima.com/show/⁠ for the podcast episode page. Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Jamie Kern Lima Show 6:25 Self-Love & Purpose 7:40 Worthiness, God & Self-Love 10:45 God Fills You The Way Nothing Else Can 15:05 Outside vs Inside Success 30:12 “Choices Lead, Feelings Follow” 34:45 Healing Together 40:35 Hannah’s NEW Role in Paradise 45:33 Nothing Disqualifies You From God’s Love 1:12:01 Write The First Word To Your Book Right Now It’s such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Click Here⁠ to Subscribe to the YouTube Channel Follow me here: ⁠Instagram⁠ ⁠TikTok⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠Website⁠ — Sign up for my inspirational newsletter for YOU at:⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠ — Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! ⁠WORTHY⁠ ⁠Believe IT

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  We get so stuck in the, I think for me, get so stuck in what I should be and am I enough in this. And so it is so important for me to know that there's hope for the next hour.

• 0:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  I'm like crying. We're a few minutes in. I'm crying.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  I get really anxious in the morning, which sucks to wake up that way. So that's why hour by hour is so important to me. It's the only thing that actually gives me true peace. There's nothing that I can prove or do to have that. It's innate. It makes me emotional. Sorry. You get everybody to cry on the show.

• 0:37Jamie Kern Lima?

  Imagine loving yourself fully and entirely. Imagine celebrating loving yourself. And instead of feeling like it's somehow self-centered, realizing instead that loving yourself is the greatest gift you could possibly give to the people that you love most, including your kids, your partner, your family, and your friends. Researchers say the amount of love you receive in your current friendships and relationships and the type of people you attract almost always mirrors the amount of love that you love yourself. So the key to building love in every relationship in your life is to learn to truly love yourself.

• 1:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  And right now, 80% of women don't believe they're enough, and 79% of men feel inadequate and not enough. And if you're here, listening right now, I have a feeling that, like me, you're on a healing journey and a journey to learn to truly love yourself and believe you are enough because you are. And today's incredible guest is on that same journey right alongside you and me. You know her from The Bachelorette, Dancing with the Stars, Bachelor in Paradise, and also as a two-time New York Times bestselling author, People's Choice Award winner, and so much more. Hannah Brown is here today, and I am so excited.

• 2:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  And she's not only a light, she's also a true force. Can you share with everybody what this new role is?

• 2:10Speaker 00

  I am headed to the beach. I've never experienced Bachelor in Paradise. Going onto this beach, I am going to be the Paradise Relations. This opportunity for me feels like a true

• 2:26Speaker 00

  Redemption and restoration because the show for me, Bachelor, Bachelorette, didn't go the way that I expected it to go. It just feels like a full circle moment.

• 2:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  Bachelor fans, woo, Bachelor Nation is loyal and very, very all in. And I remember when you said, um, yes, I've had sex in the windmill and Jesus still loves me.

• 2:53Jamie Kern Lima?

  Hannah's incredible authenticity, raw, real honesty, and beautiful vulnerability has garnered her more than four and a half million followers on social media where she advocates for mental health awareness and emphasizes the importance of self-love. She currently lives in Nashville with her fiance, Adam, and dog, Wally. And she also has a brand new book out now called The Four Engagement Rings of Sybil Rain. And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern Lima Show Podcast Family. Thank you so much for being here. And can you take two seconds and do me a favor and hit the subscribe or

• 3:38Jamie Kern Lima?

  follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on? Thank you so much. It truly means so much to me. You can also get inspiration right into your inbox from me for free. You can join my newsletter community at jamiekernlima.com. Also, this incredible podcast episode today, it's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know who might need some inspiration today, or perhaps a boost in their self-belief. Because what you're about to hear can truly impact mine, yours, and their life too.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 4:15Jamie Kern Lima?

  Oprah, how have you defied the odds? Her show is

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, wow.

• 4:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  Melinda French Gates.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her.

• 4:38Jamie Kern Lima?

  I could see the light around her. She's infused with light. Imagine overcoming self doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Jamie Kern Lima is her name.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima.

• 5:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima.

• 5:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  Hannah Brown, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to to get into today's topic of self love. I didn't know that. And I feel like that not only relates to where I'm at in my life, but also in my new book, We're Civil, like, the true essence of what the book is about is about self love. And so I'm so honored to be here to be able to talk about this.

• 5:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  What is what is self love? I think that for so many people, in a way, it's this new term in their life. And I think, you know, past generations have always thought like, oh, you're rewarded if you just love everyone else well and just like, sacrifice yourself. And that somehow, that's the best thing for others. But now you look at all the data, you look at all their research, and learning to truly love yourself is just the greatest gift you can give other people. I think a lot of times, kids, we could tell them what to do, but they actually see what we do. And they see the example we set on how to value yourself, how to feel worthy. So, how does love start with you? And what's the role of self love in your life and your journey with that?

• 6:21Speaker 00

  It has been that. It's been a journey. I think it's really hard to love yourself if you don't think you're worthy of that. And so that recognition of, oh, I don't even know the true value of being able to have breath in my lungs and live in this world and that I was not put here on accident. Like, I have A true mission and purpose. And if you don't believe that first, or you feel like you've got it wrong, or you know, there was a mistake along the way that now has put you off course, which we all kind of make mistakes along the way. And I know for me, that had been,

• 7:05Speaker 00

  has been definitely part of the journey of realizing that all that's used in a way that is so unique to me. And how blessed I am that I have this one unique path that is only for me, and that it's going to be used to be an actual reflection of the love inside myself for the world. Like, that is what I believe our purpose on earth is to do. But to truly be able to do that in the way that we're called, I think it does first start with the self of believing that. I think we can say super easily, "Oh yeah, I love myself."

• 7:49Speaker 00

  But the actually believing it, that's the journey. And I've been on that. And I've realized in a lot of moments in my life, I can know it. There's a knowing that I am connected to love, like the big love to God, that I think is, is the essence, the definition of love. I can know that and say I, and say I believe it, but do I really believe it? And I've had to look in the mirror and be like, you know, sometimes I don't. And I want to. And so I'm

• 8:28Speaker 00

  gonna do the hard work to believe that for myself, and to also trust that God's got, got me, and that just being His makes me worthy. But

• 8:45Speaker 00

  It has not been easy and I can even just saying all that is a lot easier than it is day by day, minute by minute. Even coming on to this podcast, I had a moment of like, am I worthy of being on here and do I have the, the right words to say? Or have I had the moments that I've wanted to have to feel like, oh, I can, I can step into this moment? And then I just had a moment of prayer of like, yeah, this is my unique, my unique path that has allowed me to meet you, connect with you and be able to tell my story. And so that is just like, you know, the hour by hour, choosing to love myself and to believe

• 9:30Speaker 00

  in where that love actually comes from and that that is always true and it's always real.

• 9:36Jamie Kern Lima?

  Hmm. That is so beautiful and so powerful and I feel that, like I feel that deeply. I feel that in my own life as well.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:45Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I just want to call out something you just said for everyone listening because it's easy for someone on the outside to tune in and be like Hannah Brown, everything in her life's amazing. She just must wake up feeling worthy and to hear that, what I know to be true, everything on the outside never, ever, ever impacts our deep sense of worthiness and self-love on the inside. It's always really an inside job. And one thing you said that's so beautiful, because I know so many people listening are going to relate to this, is you said hour by hour, hour by hour. And what I hear that to mean for me is like, or where I connected with that is like, yeah, for me in my own life, it's like often an hour by hour thing where I have to say like,

• 10:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  am I, you know, enough, you know, for my kids right now who are, who are having a meltdown and don't like what I tried to cook or whatever it might be, or am I enough right now to be sitting here with Hannah Brown? Am I enough? Like it's, it's an hour by hour thing. And is that your greatest tool, would you say, to tap into reminding yourself and actually believing that you are worthy is knowing whose you are and that you come from God?

• 10:56Speaker 00

  Absolutely. Like that is my north compass. It's the, it's the only thing in the moments that.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  It makes me emotional. Sorry. You get everybody to crown the show. Um, yeah, it is so.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  It's the only thing that actually gives me true peace and I wish everybody could feel that and just for a moment. Um, because I can't find it just for myself. I think self-love is so important, but what, what I really want to focus on is like, that love within myself doesn't come from me, you know, I don't have.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  There's nothing that I can prove or do to have that. It's innate, but we get so stuck in the.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  Sorry, um, I think for me, God gets so stuck in what I should be and am I enough in this and like.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  If I relied on my own strength hour by hour, it could, it would change. It could, it, it would be full in one moment and completely empty the next. Half-full in, in certain times, but still with that uncertainty. And just being able to go, to have a source of peace that surpasses all understanding. And being able to trust, like even right now, it feels really hard. Or I woke up, for me, I really struggle in the mornings. Um. So that's why hour by hour is so important to me because, um, I get really anxious in the morning,

• 12:37Speaker 00

  which sucks to wake up that way. Um, and so it is so important for me to know that there's hope for the next hour. Once I've dug into my Bible or I've listened to worship or just connected with something outside of my own strength, that that source is going to give me internal strength to be better. And you know, there might be something in the next few hours that then, you know, out of my control or maybe me making a mishap that then will make me have to go back to my Creator, go back to God to be able to fuel up again too. So it is. I wish everyone could feel what it feels like

• 13:22Speaker 00

  to just have even a glimpse of heaven and feel that spirit around you. And it's like, that's when you truly feel so loved in a way that

• 13:36Speaker 00

  I don't think, there's, there's no relationship here on earth that can make you feel that way. You can have a beautiful relationship with your children and your, your spouse, but there is nothing like being in the presence of the one that who created you.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  To fuel you to move on to the next moment, to the next step. And so, yeah, it's, it's my true north. Sometimes I forget about it. Um, I'm not saying that it's like the first thing that I always go to.

• 14:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  We can search the world for like,

• 14:11Speaker 00

  for it because there's things that are really good, um, copycats.

• 14:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  That can feel good in a moment, but don't just like change you from the inside. And I'm so thankful for that in my life.

• 14:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  I'm like crying. We're a few minutes in. I'm crying. I just did my first server podcast interview, um, with Meghan, uh, Duchess of Sussex, where we did no makeup. And I'm thinking, I'm sitting here with you right now. I'm like, should we make this a thing?

• 14:40Speaker 00

  I think we should make that a thing.

• 14:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  Do no makeup because I'm already crying my makeup off. That is so beautiful. I had no plans of even going there. And it was so beautiful Hannah, because what you shared is going to matter so much to so many people. And I just want to share, I, I wasn't even planning on talking about this, but

• 15:04Jamie Kern Lima?

  most of my life, I believed a lies that the other things would fill that love, you know, and I worked so hard for whatever it was, career success or, or the shiny things on the outside or whatever. And they never, it never felt like it was enough. And so many people, not that ambition's wrong, or going after those things, that's all great, but they don't feel the enoughness inside of us. They don't, they don't feel that. They feel, they, they create confidence in the outside, but they don't feel that deep sense of enoughness and You know, I'm not here to say there's only one way to do it and I'm definitely not here to convert anybody, but I do speak my truth and for me tapping into knowing, okay, all right,

• 15:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  God, you're the one who brought me to this room. You mu- I must have what it takes to walk into this room. You're the one that, you know, opened this door, you know, I must have what it takes to walk through it, even though I don't, in my own self, I don't feel enough. But if you open this door for me, and similarly, like a door closes and it's so painful and I want it so bad. I'm like, all right, God, you're blocking my value from someone. They're not assigned to my destiny. And that is my source of strength, often on an hourly basis. And I just want to keep this so real with everyone listening because I get so many emails and DMs and questions like, you know, how did you do this thing? I want to build a billion dollar company. Or how did you,

• 16:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  you know, I'm sure when I just got the, the, when I just had so much fun reading, just the smallest part of your bio Hannah, um, there's so, I could have, I could have read an hour-long bio for you, intro. Um, but you know, when someone sees you from the outside and, you know, um, and just loves you on The Bachelorette, or, or, or, you know, oh my gosh, you've crushed it on so many shows. And also, you're such a badass. Like, seriously. Um, there's such a, just a grit inside. It's funny that if I was ever on a desert island and like, I just needed to survive, I would want you there with me because whoever tried to take us down, it would not

• 17:09Speaker 00

  happen on your watch. We would figure, we would figure something out.

• 17:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  It would not happen on your watch. You are, um, a force. Um, but also, like, people might be like, oh, you know, you know, Hannah, you know, Miss Alabama, USA, this, that, now, brand-new opportunity. I'm so excited. I'm going to talk to you about it in a second, um, as well, on, on Bachelor in Paradise coming up. Um, you know, two times, soon, three time, bestselling author. You know, all of it just looks perfect, or maybe even easy on the outside. And while those things are all great, they don't fill that piece of self-love that can, that's like such an internal job, um, an inside job. And I just love so much that, thank you for being so honest.

• 17:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  Because I think a lot of people are going to have an aha moment right now.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  I've had to learn it the hard way. I think probably. Like you alluded to, sometimes when you you get that moment, when you have the dream come true.

• 18:11Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 18:12Speaker 00

  It it can be a little jarring when you're like, oh, wait, I was supposed to feel something different. The biggest moment that I had with that was when I did win Dancing with the Stars. I had gone straight from Bachelor, Bachelorette Dancing with the Stars. And like my life changed overnight. I lived in a small town of Alabama, like hadn't lived more than fifteen minutes away from my parents' home where I grew up. And then it was, I had all these amazing opportunities and yet I was so lost and felt so lonely. But everybody loved me and everybody thought I was killing it.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  And I was showing up week after week on live television and getting through these performances, but I just felt like I had to win to prove that everything that I had done had been worth it. So I was just like, I have to win this show. And I did. And when I went to hold up that mirror ball, it was way lighter than I thought it was gonna be. And I remember going back home after the whole show, because it was like during the holidays and I went home for Thanksgiving and I wrote in my journal, I was like, I'm just having the weirdest feeling, I feel so empty.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  Like it was like the way I thought that this trophy and this moment was gonna feel like so big and instead it felt so light. And it actually carried no weight. And.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  At the time, I hadn't quite learned what I've learned now. I just needed to find, I was just hoping I'd find something else that I could focus on, you know? I was just like, oh gosh, this is scary. I don't want to feel this anymore. So let me find something else to distract myself with. Until, you know, I think during COVID for a lot of people, but especially I know for me, mental health started to become more of something that I couldn't ignore anymore, you know? And I think it really, one of the moments that I can really relate it back to was.

• 20:30Jamie Kern Lima?

  We need to pause for a super brief break. And while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know, who this could inspire, because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected and more worthy.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  I am so excited for this book. You know why? Because it's going to save so many people. It's going to save them.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Worthy, your new beautiful book, Worthy. Get this book? This book? I'm telling you, it's a book that can change anybody's life who picks it up.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Anybody who's ever felt that they were not good enough, didn't measure up, something's missing in your life, I have to tell you.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  It's powerful. It's happening. It's worthy.

• 21:25Jamie Kern Lima?

  Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you? I went from struggling waitress facing nonstop rejection to founder of IT Cosmetics, a billion dollar company, by learning how to overcome self doubt and believe I am worthy of my hopes and dreams. And I'm sharing how you can too in my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life. If you're ready to truly trust yourself and break through that barrier of self doubt and know that where you come from or even where you are right now doesn't Determine where you're going, then Worthy is for you.

• 22:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's time to go from doubting you're enough to knowing you're enough. It's time to step into all of who you are and into the person you were born to be. And it's time to believe that you are worthy of it. Because in life, we don't become what we want. We become what we believe we're worthy of.

• 22:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  Join the Worthy Movement today by grabbing your copy of Worthy anywhere books are sold. Then head to worthybook.com now for free gifts, including my five-part course on Becoming Unstoppable and my 95-page Worthy Workbook Action Plan that teaches you how to implement the tools from the book into your real life right now.

• 22:55Speaker 05

  Worthy is groundbreaking. Yo. Oh my God.

• 22:57Speaker 06

  Worthy, you are worthy. This book is going to change lives.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  This book literally will teach you how to actually feel worthy so that you can have the strength, you can have the confidence. The lessons in this book and the strategies will change your life. You will never be the same again after you read this book.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Jamie's book, Worthy, is a must-read. It is going to inspire you, empower you, give you the hope that you need and the kick in the rear end that you deserve.

• 23:25Jamie Kern Lima?

  Jamie's book, Worthy, is incredible. The gifts are going away, but they're all free right now on worthybook.com. Now, more of this incredible conversation together.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  Mental health started to become more of something that I couldn't ignore anymore, you know? And I think it really, one of the moments that I can really relate it back to was winning the thing I wanted and then realizing it just felt like nothing. And that was hard because I shut out a lot of people in my life.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  I had one task at hand and I put everything into it, which I think is wonderful. I'm so glad that I have that gift that I can, when I decide I'm going to do something, I can go all in. But it's not worth the cost of losing community, of not being able to have those people in your life who can speak life into you, who can be there for you. If you have to do that...

• 24:30Speaker 00

  And if you have to do that to be able to win or do the thing, then it's probably not worth it in the end. Or you're gonna have to do a lot of repairing, I think, along the way. And that's what I had to do. I'm so thankful. Like, it was so awesome to have so many people. When I even look back at the experience of Dancing with the Stars, to know that many people called in and voted and cheered cheered me on and were just a part of that, like, does not make that any less special for me. Like, I look back, I'm like, that was so cool, I got to do that. And it really was one of the first moments of, okay. It doesn't matter how big the trophy is, or how big the check is signed, like, if you

• 25:15Speaker 00

  don't love yourself, or you don't have something that is anchoring you, you're never gonna feel the way that you think you are. No matter how hard you work for, you know, the win. It's not gonna feel the way you want it to be.

• 25:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  That is so true. And I think the trophy for, you know, so many people is all different things. I think there's so many people are like, oh, once I have the kids, then I'm gonna feel, you know, completely fulfilled. And then they have kids, or they get married, or they have the white picket fence, or they hit the goal weight.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  And you get to the goal weight, and all of a sudden, those pants from high school fit. And then you're like, but why don't I feel what I thought I was gonna feel? And it's because it's, I think we've all gone through that. And I think, I mean, for me, oh, my gosh, it was not that long ago, Hannah, I am 47, and it was not that long ago, three or four years ago, where I finally realized this, where I was like, oh, my gosh, my whole life, I've been chasing enoughness through the trophy, whether it's the size I am, or the, you know, whatever the achievement is inside the business, or whatever it might be, whatever it might be. And why every time do I arrive at it, do I feel not what I thought I was gonna feel?

• 26:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  So that's wild. So you're holding the Mirrorball trophy.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  And I just, I remember being, I mean, I can't

• 26:49Speaker 00

  Put myself there in my mind and I can remember being like, oh, this was supposed to be what all the hard work was for. And this was supposed to be the moment that everything felt better.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  And it didn't. It didn't.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  And yeah, and there my, took a little bit longer than I'd like for the journey to begin after that, but that was the moment that I I did have like my journal entry of being like,

• 27:22Speaker 00

  I'm gonna have to learn something from this, I think. I'm gonna have to change. And I have, I have, but man, it's been hard and it's

• 27:34Speaker 00

  an hour by hour day thing, like even today to be like very transparent. I woke up and I'd had a really hard, anxious time. That has been something I don't like to say I have anxiety, but I do struggle with that. And it can be sometimes like really frustrating because I feel like, oh, shouldn't I be healed by now? Shouldn't I have done all this work, you know? And I'm so glad, but it still comes and I just had to have that moment of like, sometimes I don't have,

• 28:11Speaker 00

  I I don't have all the strength on my own. And so just being able, whatever that is for you,

• 28:20Speaker 00

  to just sit with that, like, you don't have to have all the pressure. I think that's what I love about being connected to something bigger than me. Is that sometimes the pressure and the anxiety can feel so much and going back to what you said about,

• 28:39Speaker 00

  you know, if a door opens or a door closes to like know that the pressure and the control is not all up to you.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  And to be like, oh gosh, even if I'm having this anxious moment now, like I trust that there is hope, that I know that it's gonna get better. It can't just stay like this. And guess what it has? I've been here. I've had the best time. I've felt such a presence of peace around me. But it was just that moment of surrender of knowing that it all passes. And um, knowing that I don't have to muscle up and and do it all on my own. It takes community. I reached out to people in my life to say, hey, I need your prayers. Be thinking of me. Um, I woke up not the way I wanted to wake up. Can you be praying for me, thinking of me?

• 29:33Speaker 00

  And then having my own moment of just being like, I gotta let this go. This is such a, I have so much to be grateful for. I'm getting to have a wonderful conversation with a human that I am so inspired by. And I ha- I have a lot that I can offer to people and just to to believe that

• 29:58Speaker 00

  maybe not in that moment, but to choose that I am going to believe that and that I'm going to moment by moment, hour by hour, make choices that are gonna make that belief become more true in my life. One of my favorite quotes is, "Choices lead, feelings follow." Cause a lot of times our feelings, if I could, if I just sat in that anxiety that I woke up in this morning, I wouldn't be having this conversation with you the way that we're, we're being able to have it right now. But I did the things that I knew

• 30:32Speaker 00

  were, and I made the choices that I knew would help me to step into the feeling and the position that I wanted to be when I walked in the store. But I'm not gonna hide that I came from a, a feeling that was hard, because that's the, that's the victory. That's the victory of making choices to know that, that I don't have to let my feelings and moments control my life.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  And I've, and that feels really good when I can feel like, man, I did the things in the toolbook of all the years of therapy and prayer, and I made the conscious choice to step out and be like, I can, there can be change. I can feel different. That's like my, my favorite thing that I try to live my life by. I'm not always the best at it, but like it is, it is the thing that when I remind myself, choices lead, feelings follow. I'm telling you, every time I get in a better state of emotion, because I clock it, and I'm like, the person that I want to be, what would they do in this moment? Not the person that I'm, in the way that I feel right now,

• 31:42Speaker 00

  but the person that I want to be and that I know that I am, what would they do? They would reach out, they would call someone. They would take a moment to meditate, to pray, to be in the presence of the Creator. And I did that, and here I am.

• 31:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  Do you know how many people that you're gonna help right now? I am, I'm just sitting here, first of all, like first just seeing this light from your eyes, like this like sparkle and this light, do you think that's the Holy Spirit?

• 32:13Speaker 00

  I do, oh my gosh, it's so emotional. Yeah, I do, I do, I so believe that. Because if it was just me in the state that I woke up in, I don't think I could be here being so sure that you can change, that you can feel better. Um, that I'm not crying tears of like, oh gosh, I'm so emotional right now because I feel like I'm out of control, that it's like I'm crying tears of like gratitude.

• 32:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  Victory.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  And a victory.

• 32:53Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, I am listening to how

• 32:57Jamie Kern Lima?

  Beautifully, you just shared almost exactly what you go through and then what you do, how you respond to it. Yeah. On like a step by step basis. I'm just thinking that, of course, I would, I never wish anxiety on anybody, ever. I know what it feels like. For me, it's different for everybody. Never wished on anybody. And also, you are such a phenomenally anointed communicator, right? I think it's why, was it whatever the number, four and a half million people like go to you on social to just, because you're able to connect with people in such a really beautiful way. And what a gift that you are sharing all the parts of you.

• 33:42Jamie Kern Lima?

  Um, so that people can feel less alone and more enough. And that you're able to use one of the many gifts you have of communication to be able to so intimately, but also impactfully share how you woke up, how you feel. Do you know how many people listening or watching right now are gonna say, that's how I woke up this morning? And then they're gonna understand, how did you then go step by step into getting to how you wanted to feel? And, you know, choices lead, feelings follow. I've never heard that before. That is so beautiful. I guarantee you, so many people are gonna, are gonna write that down

• 34:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  and they're gonna put it on a sticky note and they're gonna read it every single day. That is so beautiful. And I just, you know, wanna say, um, thank you for using the things you've gone through, the things you have made it through to help other people make it through those things. And, you know, there's so many of us that feel like, oh, I, I, I feel that too, but I hide it. I don't tell anybody. I don't want, what if somebody judges me? What if somebody thinks differently about me? What if my partner doesn't think? What if my kids? What if my, you know, uh, mother in law? What if my?

• 35:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  How has your journey been to getting to this place where you feel confident, worthy enough, whatever the words are for you, to say, I'm going to share this with everyone else who also might be feeling the same thing?

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, look, I wouldn't choose it. I wouldn't choose to struggle with moments of anxiety, depression. Like, it's not fun. I just want to first say, like, like you said, we all experience differently. It never feels good.

• 35:37Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 00

  But it feels better to stand against it. I actually have like a whole, which I have a wonderful therapist that helped with. I have a whole toolbox of, okay, what are the things that are going to make me feel better in these moments? So I think having the support and having the tools to be able to know, okay, when you are so open with, okay, this is what I'm going through right now, there is a, there is a way through. And I think for so long, I struggled, but didn't even know that it was anxiety that

• 36:24Speaker 00

  I was struggling with. For years and years, I grew up in the deep south, which, Roll Tide, but there wasn't much talk about mental health. And I really suffered in silence, but I was really good at hiding it because I was such an achiever and knew how to distract myself. And I could always say I was stressed because I always had something going on. And so, yeah, I think I even, I can remember going to school as a little girl and being

• 37:05Speaker 00

  so nauseous and sick to just like go to school. I mean, I really struggled with.

• 37:12Speaker 00

  Anxiety for most of my life, but not knowing what it was. And unfortunately, or fortunately, um, it got to where it was affecting my, my life in a way that I was like, okay, some, I need help. I need help. And um, it took a while to get, I also wanna have compassion for, it's sometimes hard to find the right help out there. It's, I'm so fortunate that I can um, go to therapy and I have the means to be able to do that. And have found, have found a therapist that really does help me and cares about me.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  That has been my, just like saving grace in, in just being able to have the tools. And so I think why I wanna share is because not everybody has that.

• 38:06Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 38:07Speaker 00

  And um, it does suck to, to feel it. So if I can be someone to say, hey, I, I know how you feel right now. And try, try one of these things to see if it works for you. Because um, yeah, I, I just feel like it's important when you, when you find something um, to be able to share. Because I don't know if I wouldn't have had the opportunities that I had now. Who knows if I would ever have been able to afford or had access to a good therapist.

• 38:42Jamie Kern Lima?

  Hmm. Yeah, I love that you shared that cuz exactly, therapy can definitely be a privilege.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  Um, and even with that, it can be really hard to find the right therapist.

• 38:51Speaker 00

  It's so hard.

• 38:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  So for everyone listening, if you have tried it and you're like, it did nothing for me, keep trying.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  Keep trying, yeah.

• 38:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  Keep trying. I know, I've, I, I've been to different therapists where I'm like, they're lovely.

• 39:02Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 39:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  And also, um, I don't, I don't feel that like, oh, this is exactly where I need to be right now. This is who I'm supposed to be. And then um, my therapist right now, holy moly, smartest person, smartest woman I've ever met. And I'm just like, like life changing. So yeah, thank you for calling that out and um, I have a lot of questions, actually, about so many things. I'm so excited that you're here. One thing that I want to dive into, The Four Engagement Rings of Civil Reign, your new book, which everyone needs to go pick up right now. I love escaping vicariously through other stories. I love, you know,

• 39:45Jamie Kern Lima?

  even it's like, my husband's so funny, he's like, "Why do you watch, you know, whatever show? It might be Bachelor in Paradise." And I think part of the fun of it is, I just get to escape and whatever's going on there. And I think a great story, oh my gosh, a great story, great storytelling. Congratulations on being a multiple New York Times bestselling author.

• 40:05Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 40:06Jamie Kern Lima?

  And on your third book. So before we dive into your new book, that I want everyone to grab right now, I do want to ask you about going, about your new role on Bachelor in Paradise. Can you share, this is big news, and I'm so excited to watch and to tune in. And I have a gift, actually, I'm going to give you. That's one of my favorite things on the planet that you could take with you, I think. Like, it'll be when you're alone and no one's around. It's great. But what for you, can you share with everybody what this new role is? And what we have to look forward to this summer?

• 40:45Speaker 00

  Yes, so I am headed to the beach. And I was on The Bachelor or Bachelorette. I've never experienced Bachelor in Paradise. I've gone and hosted a date once or twice. I can't fully remember. But now they're completely changing the show. They are taking the show to Costa Rica. And I am kind of in for the surprise, just as much as everyone else. I got the call.

• 41:17Speaker 00

  Kind of out of the blue for this opportunity and you know, I'm always so fortunate for the Bachelor franchise because it's given me all these opportunities to be able to speak about the things that I'm super passionate about and have a community of people who I can, who can, I can pour into and they can pour into me. And so I'm so thankful for that. But there was a time that I needed some separation. So it was cool when I got the opportunity. I had to take a moment to be like, how does this feel? And for me, going on to this beach, I am going to be the paradise relations, let's say. I'm making sure we have the good vibes,

• 42:02Speaker 00

  that there's somebody there that can listen if there's some real questions about how to do relationships, how to start a relationship, what not to do. I have plenty of that advice as well. And you know, if somebody needs a glass of champagne, I can pop the bubbly for that too, whether we're celebrating or, you know, just having a drink to, you know, end the day and hope for a better tomorrow. But I really feel like this opportunity for me feels like a true redemption and restoration because the show for me, Bachelor, Bachelorette,

• 42:45Speaker 00

  didn't go the way that I expected it to go. And while it opened my eyes in so many beautiful ways and made my world bigger and I got to experience so much in relationship and love, it also had a lot of heartbreak for me. And it was hard navigating real life experiences for the world to see. And that I can go on there as someone who has, you know, been in a similar experience and situation. And it's felt a lot of the feelings that come along with putting yourself out there and either

• 43:26Speaker 00

  being rejected or it not going as planned to be able to like speak life into people and also have fun. It's always about having fun. It just feels like a full circle moment that I'm really honored to be able to do because I do feel like I have a lot more wisdom than I did then when I was participating that I would love, I wish I would have had somebody who truly I felt, you know, was there to pour into me. And so that's what I'm really excited about, whether that's just helping set up a date for somebody to have a special moment with someone or be there when they're feeling heartbreak. Like I am so excited

• 44:09Speaker 00

  to have that opportunity and it just feels really cool how things all work together.

• 44:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  You're gonna crush it. You're gonna be so good. I remember one of the moments you went on to Paradise and I, all I remember is every one of the guys were so excited that like, and then, and then when they realize you're not going on, like you're already like, you're not looking for love, you're, you're, then they were just like all deflated. And I remember that, I remember their reaction was so strong. And I have to tell you, I, I think, I think one of the most beautiful, I think, I, I, I remember you on The Bachelor and you were just so you. And it was so, I think, I think what I know beyond a shadow

• 44:57Jamie Kern Lima?

  of a doubt is people cannot fake authenticity. And you are so you, fully you, and people connect to that at such a deep level. And Bachelor fans, woo, Bachelor Nation is loyal and very, very all in. And I think people really connected to that. I have to tell you personally, my, one of my all time favorite moments, maybe ever, yes, ever, on any season I've ever seen, on any one of their shows, is when you said, There were some, there was some guy, I don't know his name, that was like, you know, very, very religious and was judging you for something. And I remember when you said, um, yes, I've had sex in the windmill and Jesus still loves me on the show.

• 45:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  And that moment, I was like, hallelujah at home because Hannah, I feel like we're in this moment in time where so many people maybe want faith in their life, but they feel like they've, they've made some kind of a decision that disqualifies them or who they are. Who they are is not worthy of prayer or this one thing they did five years ago, or this one, whatever it might be, like they feel judged. And so they almost like disqualified themselves from faith. When you said those words, I felt like, number one, it's why I think everyone has fallen in love with you because you help everyone else feel seen.

• 46:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I think you sharing those kinds of things is so beautiful. So thinking about you going on to Paradise, I get so excited because you have gone on The Bachelor. So you've been in that role where, you know, you're a contestant, but then you've been the bachelorette. So you've been calling the shots, you've been in that role. And it's like you've been in all, so every person walking on to that set, you're going to know what it's like to have gone through their shoes, to have been in their shoes. Um, and also, you know, I don't know, listen, I have never gone on that show, but I would imagine, I did Big Brother, like, gosh, 27 years ago, season one. No way. Yeah, I didn't even know what it was. I was in college and reality shows weren't a thing yet.

• 47:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  There was The Real World on MTV. That was it. And there was not this era of reality shows. And, um, there's these posters all over my college campus at Wazoo, Washington State University, um, where they were, um, looking for contestants for Big Brother. And no one knew what that was, and Survivor, I think. And no one knew what that was. And it was like a show in Europe that was going to come to the US or whatever. So a bunch of my girlfriends and I were like, oh, you know, we just sent in a tape. And before I know it, it was like multiple rounds of auditions. And, um, and it got down to like, I can't remember the top thousand people or something. And we went to California and did these interviews.

• 47:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  And then it was like the final 75 and then, and then I got cast as one of the 10 people. No idea what I was walking into, like no idea. And I knew I'd be locked in this house. And at that time, there was not really a lot of social media. But we were live streamed 24/7 on AOL.

• 48:07Speaker 00

  So crazy.

• 48:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  Is that crazy?

• 48:08Speaker 00

  It's crazy.

• 48:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  And it was broadcast six nights a week, prime time on CBS. Which at the time, you know, there wasn't that many television channels. So it wasn't like a thing. And I lived in that high. And then the American public that year called in and kicked people off every week. That's how it worked. And so I was there the whole three months. I got kicked off the day before the finale.

• 48:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  And it was so crazy.

• 48:34Speaker 00

  It was three months?

• 48:34Jamie Kern Lima?

  Three months. We were locked in the Big Brother house.

• 48:36Speaker 00

  Like, that like blows my mind.

• 48:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, and it was airing six nights a week. There was like 70 something cameras in the house. And we didn't know what was airing. We're locked, we have no technology, we have no phones, no nothing. So we're just in this situation, not knowing what's even happening, not knowing what's going. And so I remember, and you know, I was this broke college student walking in. And normally when people, you know, have different types of fame, they can monetize it. Or they have, maybe they've built an acting career over decades or whatever it might be. I remember walking out and I was like, holy moly. Like, it was wild. Every single contestant had thousands and thousands of fan sites and hate sites and all of it.

• 49:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  And you walk out, you still have got no money. And then you all of a sudden have stalkers, you have people showing up. I see you not, it's like, but your whole world changes. And none of my family was used to this and they're seeing just stuff everywhere. And it was the most wild experience that no one could have prepared me for.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  You cannot prepare for that.

• 49:43Jamie Kern Lima?

  You can't prepare for it. And so anyhow, it's funny, I look back and I've definitely lost my inhibitions. Cause you know, there, I mean, there's a, in, there was.

• 49:52Speaker 00

  You're so tired and.

• 49:54Jamie Kern Lima?

  Tired.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Being on camera all day.

• 49:58Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 00

  It's really hard to be your best self.

• 50:01Jamie Kern Lima?

  The highest level of emotion. And I remember my year, there was cameras everywhere, even the shower. And then the only place in the whole house, there was no camera was the toilet room. But there was a hanging microphone.

• 50:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 50:17Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes, from the ceiling. And I was like, and I was, I'm such a private person anyway. And so, you know, you share bedrooms, all the things. And so, the blessing for me was I walked out just so much more uninhibited. And also, it was really hard emotionally. And so, you know, I can only imagine everything that you have gone through and continue to go through to be able to really just put yourself out there in such a way. But what a beautiful gift you're gonna be to every contestant on Bachelor in Paradise because you're gonna understand better than anybody, just emotionally, what they're gonna go through and like the support they're gonna need.

• 50:55Speaker 00

  For sure. I'm so excited about it. I love that you said that about your experience with Big Brother because people ask me all the time about the different shows I've been on. And I went into Bachelor, please don't go back and watch my season, but like, I have the first day of the of the show during my season and I was still trying to be how I had to be my whole life. I felt like I had to achieve, be buttoned up. And then I got on that show and realized that wasn't gonna work. Because, or I didn't know how I was gonna make it work. Cause I had nowhere to go and, I don't know.

• 51:35Speaker 00

  I think a lot of times I felt like I had to perform growing up and I didn't feel super safe in a way. And maybe not the best place to start, you know, having these big ahas because it wasn't fully safe. But I do feel like it did make me drop my guard. Because I had to realize like if I'm gonna like fall in love like one of the biggest, most vulnerable things that you do in your life, I can't, I can't act, I can't like be just like half of myself. And so being on Bachelor was one of the best experiences of my life, even though it was one of the hardest because

• 52:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  We need to pause for a super brief break and while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected and more worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's

• 53:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love, hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes.

• 53:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life. It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk to build confidence

• 54:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to Stop Overthinking and Learn to Trust Yourself at jamiekernlima.com/resources or click the link in the show notes below.

• 55:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  And now more of this incredible conversation together. Being on Bachelor was one of the best experiences of my life, even though it was one of the hardest. Because it's really like people were watching me really start to become my true self as I was like experiencing it for the first time, like actually saying what I thought for the first time. And questioning things and being asked for the first time in my life, like, how do I feel? Like, I didn't have a lot of that, that wasn't really part of my family dynamic of like, how do you really feel in this moment? Or, you know, how was your day truly?

• 55:44Jamie Kern Lima?

  And that was the first time that I really was experiencing like, what, what that girl said? How did that make you feel? And being like, I didn't really like that, you know? I don't agree. And, and having that was such a cool experience for me. So I love that you also felt in a way, because you couldn't escape the, all the camera, that you kind of were able to.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  Just have to let go of some things.

• 56:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 56:10Speaker 00

  You really don't have a choice.

• 56:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  I love that.

• 56:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  I remember watching you on the show and just feeling like, yeah, she's like so.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  And it hadn't always been that way.

• 56:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  I didn't know that.

• 56:19Speaker 00

  I had, my friends were like, that was totally you, but like you fully being you. And I didn't always go about my life that way until being on the show.

• 56:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  Amazing.

• 56:32Speaker 00

  So I'll always be grateful for that as well.

• 56:34Jamie Kern Lima?

  Ah, and that is probably why people fell in love with you because for most people, it's the opposite. They go on something and they just like turn into their representative or whatever. And people just disconnect.

• 56:45Speaker 00

  I think I just had this like aha moment of like, gosh, if I actually want this to work, which I was so pure about my intentions about going on the show, I really was. And so I was like, okay, if I'm going to meet this, a person that I'm going to, they, they need to meet the real me. And I'm going to do some things different and I did. And then, yeah, I think the world got to actually like see that, which was really cool.

• 57:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. Okay. Tell us, tell us about the four engagement rings of Sybil Rain. Your new book out now, everyone needs to go grab their copy. Okay. Tell us all about it.

• 57:21Speaker 00

  I am so excited for people to read this book. So this is my second romance novel. My first book came out last year, Mistakes We Never Made. And, you know, it was interesting with the, with the first book, I was really nervous because I was doing something new. It was a true dream come true for me. A lot of the things that I've gotten to do, I couldn't have dreamt up having the opportunity. But writing a book has always been something, a, a novel, writing a novel was always something that I wanted to do as a, you know, like a teenager, I remember telling my mom that was something that I wanted to be able to do. Cause I've always loved reading. It has truly been my escape when sometimes I didn't know how to deal with my own emotions.

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Um, and so the first book was hard because it was like, okay, are people going to follow me on this journey? Are they gonna, you know, see this passion? And it was so cool to be able to do it scared and have people really go along with this journey and love the book. And.

• 58:27Speaker 00

  It was amazing and it kind of just, I would never say it was not easy, but it felt like this more smooth ride with just like a little bit of, you know, nerves. Writing the four engagement rings of Sybil Raine. I, people were so invested in Sybil because Sybil shows up in my first book. So they're standalone books, but they're written in this, the same universe. Um, there's a group of best girlfriends, the core four. Um, and Sybil is a part of that and was a, was kind of a key character in the last, the first book.

• 59:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  And that's the mistakes.

• 59:03Speaker 00

  Mistakes we never made.

• 59:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  New York Times bestseller book. If you have not picked that up, please do.

• 59:07Speaker 00

  Yes, and um, and so I, I would be on book tour for mistakes we never made. And people would be like, I love the book, but I, I have to know like what happened to Sybil. I need to know Sybil's story. And so I knew my idea was from the beginning to write about these four girls and their friendship. Cause I truly believe community, best girlfriends in your life is one of the most beautiful love stories you can have. Because they're there through it all. The heartbreaks, the, the first moments when you're like, wait, I kind of like this guy when he fall in love. Like they're such an integral part of that. And so that was the idea of, of the whole universe.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  And so to have people like coming for the first book and then like asking about another character was like, oh my gosh, okay. Like I could, I should do this. I should keep going. And with that did come a little bit, even like more responsibility because I wanted to get it right. Cause people already knew her and loved her and wanted to know. So, um, just like the, starting with like the feelings and emotions going into writing the book. Uh, I definitely felt like it was a little bit of a challenge, but I'm so proud of the book that people are going to have their hands on very soon. Um, the story is, um, about Sybil Raine who, um, was a runaway bride. She had a wedding weekend gone bad where, um, she.

• 1:00:41Speaker 00

  Just ended up leaving the scene. And you don't really get answers to that much in mistakes you never made. But picking up in this book is a year later. After a hard year, challenging year, she finally goes on a vacation, a much deserved vacation. And unfortunately, she gets there and does not run into not one, but two exes on the beach. So thank for getting Sarah Marshall vibes, which is one of my favorite movies. So it's chaotic and it's so fun. But the the base of the book that I hope people feel is about self-love. Sybil has to go on a journey of self-love to be able to reconcile the past.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  Hence the four engagement rings of Sybil Ring. There's a story there. And she has to reconcile her past so that she can truly step into the future and love that she deserves. And I really did draw a lot of inspiration of where I've been in my own journey through Sybil, of what I've had to learn about when you don't love yourself or you haven't, you've created beliefs about yourself that are limiting. How that doesn't allow you to show up the way that you want to. And there will be a moment, whether it's when you're going down the aisle or when you're there for that job interview where if you don't do the work

• 1:02:10Speaker 00

  to be able to confront your past, it's gonna sneak up on you at some point. And you're gonna, you know, maybe miss a moment that could have been beautiful. But there's also redemption in there too, that she's able to like go on that journey and find love. And it was so fun to write. It was really challenging because Sybil is messy. I love her so much. She's all the parts of me that are fun, but also can create the most chaos. And it was interesting trying to write a character that is that way, where she doesn't come off selfish or insensitive, but you just like.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Love her, but you also are rooting for her to like get to the source of where all that comes from. Um, so she definitely stretched me as a writer, but I think you can see that in the writing too. I'm really, I'm really proud of the book. Um, and I'm so excited for people to read it because I think it's a good balance, especially people who are obviously listening to this podcast, like they want to grow in some way. And I think our time is so valuable. And while I love a good escape, I always want people, um, whenever I put something out in the world, that they feel like that they can just get a little bit from that character where they see themselves in that character and they're rooting for them because they're rooting for their self, their selves too. So everything that I do,

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  even when it's fun and light and sexy and an easy beach read, I still want there to be some like goodness and truth in there. So I hope that people feel that and they get the best of both worlds while reading this book.

• 1:03:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. Well, I'm, I'm so excited for everyone to get it in their hands. And I know, um, I know everyone's asking you, what parts of you are in Sybil and all that. And so I think it's, I think it's, what I think though, is that every single reader is going to see themselves in Sybil.

• 1:04:07Speaker 00

  I, that's, that is my hope because we all have universal emotions and feelings that we have. And it might not be, like I said, yeah, at your, the altar of your wedding, when you realize, I don't know what's going on here. Um, but it can be in so many moments where we doubt ourselves and believe things to be true about ourselves that are not at all. And we have to go on the journey to breaking those chains so that we can love ourself.

• 1:04:38Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. So many people want to write a book or they have a story to tell. Maybe it's their own or they have an idea for a book. What was, what's your process like as a writer? And, and when you, when you write these stories, I know your first book, is it God Bless This Mess?

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:04:54Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. Um, which is more of your story, your journey and, and writing romance novels, like all, like what's your, what's your process?

• 1:05:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 00

  Well, very different from the first book. The first book, I knew all the plot points. I'd love them. And, um, it was more vulnerable to know that like some of these things that At the time, I had just started processing a lot of my childhood and I mean, man, if I could even write the another book now, I'm sure that I have different perspective or even more growth than I did then. So it was really cathartic and a very different process. Writing a romance novel is a very creative process and I loved it, but there's a lot of organization and structure

• 1:05:46Speaker 00

  that goes into writing a romance novel. And I had this idea, but I'm so glad for the help and the support that I have. I have an amazing co-author, Emily Larrabee, who has been writing romance novels for years. And so she really encouraged me first that I had a gift and that that those passions there were something that I could fulfill and do. But I also have someone who knows how to structure and plot a book in a way that I didn't at the time. So it's been really great to be able to have a collaborative experience with this book. I'm so thankful for for the encouragement.

• 1:06:32Speaker 00

  So it looks different than even maybe some other people's because there's, there's two people writing a book. So it's a lot of plotting at first. There's like different ways that people write novels, but it's a full thought out process at first before we even get into writing the chapters. And then we start going and because it's two of us, there's a lot of back and forth of especially with Sybil. Emily really couldn't relate to Sybil at all. And so it was really on me to get her character right.

• 1:07:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  I've got this.

• 1:07:08Speaker 00

  And I'm like, let me roll up my sleeves because I'm gonna and, and at first she was like, I don't know, I just don't understand her. So that was like really my, my big role in this.

• 1:07:19Jamie Kern Lima?

  Which is probably great.

• 1:07:20Speaker 00

  Which is great.

• 1:07:21Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, because you want you, I'm sure by the end she really got her.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  She did and she fell in love with her even more, you know, so I was like, yeah, now you get her. So yeah, it's a very collaborative experience. It takes a long time. It takes a lot of work, but having the support has been amazing. And I think it makes it an even better book than it, than just, you know, we're.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  I think it's important to give credit to the people who support us and support our dreams. And it's made it a better book with two brains and amazing publisher and editor that have just been along on this ride and been such an integral part of that. So I always want to give praise to how they made this book a reality for me because sometimes there are moments I didn't have the courage or would get stuck, but

• 1:08:17Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. In your process of writing, and I'm asking this because this happened to me with Worthy, also with Believe It. Will you ever, like, are you ever out and about doing something totally different, or you're working out, or you're grabbing a coffee? You're like, oh, Sybil has got to do this.

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  And the voice note comes out.

• 1:08:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, the voice note, right? The voice note. Yes.

• 1:08:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, when the voice note comes out and I'm like, okay, this isn't going to really make sense. Or I'm like quiet somewhere and I'm having to like whisper out all these. And then, you know, half of it's really good. And then I just start rambling and it's like a seven minute voice note to myself. But yeah, absolutely.

• 1:08:54Jamie Kern Lima?

  Isn't that fun?

• 1:08:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:55Jamie Kern Lima?

  It just keeps coming like, and then do you ever have those moments as a creator? And I share this because I think of the person at home also, who's like, how do I get started? What do I do? I know for me, I had an agent approach me at an event I did, actually at Lakewood Church with Victoria Osteen, five years before Believe It. And said, would you write a book? And at the time I was doing 100 hour weeks and I was like, well, you know, I know that I'm not ready yet, you know, but I'll call you when I am. But in that five year window, I'd have all these ideas start to hit me and then I would just, you know, I would put them in notes, which is not that safe. But I would like even I start these files and just random thoughts, random thoughts. And I would just save these Word docs.

• 1:09:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  And then I remember when I knew, oh, it's time. And I went into, we were remodeling our place and we bought a little beach house. I sat in there. I remember binge eating Lucky Charms and like sobbing for like two weeks straight. And I wrote, I just, I mean, and I went through all my document and like, it was something like eighty thousand words poured out. And I was the first time author, so I thought, oh, it's done. I didn't realize there's another year and a half of editing.

• 1:10:07Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  There's another, like, the process, right, of doing the proposal and then getting the book deal and getting, you know, and and I actually went back to the same agent. That was the very first one to ever come up to me.

• 1:10:17Speaker 00

  Oh, how.

• 1:10:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  Dupree Miller. Yeah, and I was like, you've been to me first, so let's go. And, um, and they're lovely. And anyways, I think my favorite part is when you have those moments where you're like, oh, that idea. And then you like, and you know, half the time, it's, at least for me, it would end up be crap and not even making it in the book, but it's just like the moments.

• 1:10:35Speaker 00

  That's what I wanted to say, like, for listeners. I think you have to start speaking it out into existence. Like, if, what if I had never said, sitting on my kitchen counter with my mom, like, you know, I don't know when I'm ever gonna do this, but I'd really liked, um, to write a novel one day. And the first time I got an agent, I mean, the first thing they asked, like, what do you want to do? It's like, I'd really like to write a book. Cause I didn't, like, that has always been the thing that I said. And

• 1:11:07Speaker 00

  I know that I'm privileged and I've had some amazing doors open for me, but I think when people ask you what you want to do, say it. And you might not be ready at this moment, like even you saying, I'm not ready yet, but it's something that, you know, I want to do. Speaking out aloud and also just start. It, it could be crap the first time. A lot of times it is.

• 1:11:32Speaker 00

  But if you never start.

• 1:11:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:11:35Speaker 00

  Then you, it'll never be.

• 1:11:38Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:39Speaker 00

  And you won't have this moment that I know you've experienced and I've experienced where I truly say, this is my first dream come true.

• 1:11:46Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  And that's so cool. And yeah, when it started, if I Didn't have people in my corner. Yeah, it was not that good. I didn't, I don't know how to do something that I've never done before. But you gotta start.

• 1:12:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  You gotta start. I am having this moment, I'm just gonna say it, I want everyone to pause this podcast. Whether you're watching it on YouTube or listening to audio, pause and just write the first word of your book right now. Just like write it, like anywhere.

• 1:12:15Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:12:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  And you've started, you've started, you've started. And it's, you know, there is one of my good friends, Pastor Erwin McManus, once said this to me, he said, writer's block is nothing more than editing yourself before you create.

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  Oh, that's so good because we write something that we think, oh, that's crap or whatever. And I was like, oh, and when he said that to me, I was like, you know what? That's so good. And I love what you said. It's like, just, just like get it all out, just start, just let it, you know, don't judge yourself yet, don't edit yourself before you create, just like, get it all out, no one ever has to see it, you, you know, you get to make all the decisions, but just starting is so beautiful. And I love what you said about declaring it, like you told your mom, how old were you when you?

• 1:13:04Speaker 00

  I can't remember if it was like one of my first years of college or in high school. It was, I was really young.

• 1:13:10Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, and just declaring it like this is something that I want to do one day.

• 1:13:15Jamie Kern Lima?

  I'm gonna write a novel.

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  And I'm gonna write a novel.

• 1:13:17Jamie Kern Lima?

  How did she respond? Do you remember?

• 1:13:18Speaker 00

  Well, my, I told her kind of what the novel is gonna be about because it was, um, and maybe one day I'll do it.

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  I had an idea and I still have it in my, I still have it in my back pocket, but it kind of was off my grandmother's story. And she was like, well, that'll be an interesting one. So yeah, she, she's so proud of me because, you know, I've made it happen and, um,

• 1:13:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's always believed that I that I could do all the things.

• 1:13:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  Well, from The Four Engagement Rings of Sybil Rain, which is out now, everyone needs to go grab the copy right now in this moment as you're listening, as you're watching, you can pause this, go right over to Amazon, go to your favorite independent bookstore, right now, you can grab your copy of The Four Engagement Rings of Sybil Rain, which I'm so excited for you to do that. This conversation with Hannah Brown is so incredible. We made it into more than one part. And if you are ready to embrace your own journey of self-love and learn to feel truly beautiful on the inside and the outside, even if it's for the first time ever, or for the first time in a long time, you are not going to want to miss this incredible

• 1:14:34Jamie Kern Lima?

  part two of our conversation with Hannah Brown, coming up in the next episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show. Remember, this episode's not just for you and me, please share this with every single person that you know, because it can impact and change their life, too. And if you loved today's episode, please click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on your app you're listening to it on or watching it on. And if it added value to your life, if you could please give it a rating or review, I'd be so grateful. And again, please share it with everyone you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Maybe it's someone you know who needs to truly believe in themselves and build their own self-love.

• 1:15:17Jamie Kern Lima?

  And please post the episode and share it with others online or in your community, who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I wanted to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each Every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show, here, I hope you'll come as you are,

• 1:16:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like, because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are love. I love you, and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You.

• 1:16:44Jamie Kern Lima?

  If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them, and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be?

• 1:17:28Jamie Kern Lima?

  Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you.

• 1:17:50Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious. And so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter. That's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up, to make sure that you get it each week. Just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list. And you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter. And get ready to believe in you.

• 1:18:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.