Darren Waller: Over 100 Failed Drug Tests to Working in Grocery Store Before NFL Return

FOLLOW THE PIVOT PODCAST: MERCH | https://pivotpodcast.com YOUTUBE | https://www.youtube.com/thepivotpodcast INSTAGRAM | https://instagram.com/thepivot TWITTER | https://twitter.com/thepivot TIKTOK | https://tiktok.com/@thepivot FACEBOOK | https://www.facebook.com/thepivotpodcast FOLLOW HAPPY DAD: https://www.instagram.com/happydad FIND HAPPY DAD: https://www.happydad.com/find After battling years of addiction and drug abuse, NFL Tight End Darren Waller joins The Pivot to tell his story of hitting rock bottom and how he climbed his way back into the league and today is one of the NFL's top players in the game. Darren details his addiction battle starting at a young age and takes the guys through years of him playing at the college and NFL level where he played most of his early career under the influence. It started off with pain medicine to pills and spiraled into anything that could give him a quick fix. Playing through so many games high and lying to teammates, coaches, friends and family was the hardest part of his battle. Fred relates to how difficult playing through injury causes dependence on pain medication and how the addiction can creep up on you when it becomes part of a normal routine. Ryan asks what was the moment that flipped the switch for him to know that he needed to change... And Darren recalls a terrifying incident where he pulled into a parking lot and sat in his car breaking out into convulsions before waking up hours later all alone in a cold sweat not knowing where he was. At the time, His trainers for the Baltimore Ravens said his toxicology report indicated if he didn't get medical help he wouldn't be able to survive much longer which led him into the NFL Drug Rehab program. Through long periods of work and recovery, Darren wasn't sure if football would be in his future again and he humbly began a job at a grocery store stocking shelves and bagging goods. Channing in awe of his size, makes the joke that he had to be the largest human in the aisles everyday and what customers would do when they saw him. Since his comeback, the Las Vegas Raiders Tight End has played his best football the past couple years, being named to the Pro Bowl and more importantly has found balance and alternatives to keep his mind at peace away from the field. Darren spends a lot of his free time recording music, podcasting, volunteering and connecting with nature and faith. After a lot of off the field issues and mishaps overshadowed the Raiders on field success, Waller expressed his excitement for new head coach Josh McDaniels to bring an offensive mindset to the organization and a positive change in the locker room as well. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends. Like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest, or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an ultra. Because it's not just a superior-like beer, it's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit michelobultra.com/superioraccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 0:30Ryan Clark?

  This show was started with having someone like you share their story so people can understand that, you know, where we started and the things that we've gone through don't have to define us for the rest of our lives, man. And I'm extremely grateful you sat down with us, that you took some time early in the morning in Vegas, and Channing made it as well, man. So, thank you, bro.

• 1:15Ryan Clark?

  Back on the pivot, we've got Channing, Freddie T. We've got a special guest. I think our show was created for people like Darren Waller, for people who have overcome adversity, come out on the other side of it, and actually use their story to help other people. We're gonna be honest, Darren, man, like, you're a special guest. Here's why. First of all, it's the earliest show we've ever done, right? On top of it being the earliest show we've ever done, we're in Vegas. And though I'm extremely professional, right? And I wanted to make sure I was in the right state of mind to host. Maybe some of us aren't the best.

• 1:49Fred Taylor?

  No, we're good. We're pros.

• 1:50Ryan Clark?

  Yeah, we're pros.

• 1:51Fred Taylor?

  We're consummate pros. We know how to do this. This is my thing. It's the offseason. And we're in Vegas. It's 8:30. I don't know what time it is. It's something like that. Bro, what's up?

• 2:05Ryan Clark?

  You trying to figure out why we so early?

• 2:07Speaker 03

  I gotta go to the dentist. I gotta get my invisible lines and my last tray.

• 2:11Fred Taylor?

  That makes sense, but it's the offseason. Like, we could have done it afterward. This is late for you.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd be up. Like, I'm scarred for life. I'd be up early.

• 2:19Fred Taylor?

  See, but a lot of people don't understand, you know, as a pro, you're up, if it matters to you, 5:30, 6:00 a.m. In the building, your day is, you know, already jump started and almost halfway done by the time they get rolling.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:31Fred Taylor?

  But that's the cost of being one of the best in the game.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, even in the offseason, like, the first day of the offseason, I remember, I didn't set an alarm, and I woke up and the sun was out, and I was like, like, I gotta be late. Like, I'm supposed to be somewhere. Like, you just have that feeling. Like, if you wake up late during the season, it's like, damn, like, that's probably 15,000 or something like that.

• 2:49Ryan Clark?

  Right. Hey, first thing you might do in mind is you lose money. That number, yeah. Right, you know what I'm saying? It's money loss. Doug, you know, we see you now, right? One of the best tight ends in the league. I say it every time I get an opportunity on ESPN, that I think you're the most talented tight end in the league. But what was a young Darren Waller like? Like, what kind of a football player were you? But also, what type of person?

• 3:10Speaker 03

  I always played quarterback growing up, right until I got to high school. So I was very, you know, into the game from all aspects. I was always watching, I was, like, addicted to NFL films when I was a kid. So I was always watching, like, the history of the game, like, old players till now, and just studying them. So I always, like, knew the game. Uh, I wasn't very big when I was younger, though. I didn't get, hit a growth spurt till, like, my junior year of high school. So I feel like I had the skill and the mind, but everybody was moving too fast around me. So when I was younger, like, I knew I could, like, at some point, I was gonna be good at football. I could show it. But right now, it's like, it was too tough. But I mean, I was just really lanky, you know? I could run. I could tackle, I played safety in high school. I didn't play, I didn't play.

• 3:53Channing Crowder?

  How tall are you?

• 3:54Speaker 03

  I was six-five my senior year.

• 3:55Channing Crowder?

  Playing safety?

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:58Ryan Clark?

  Six-five, one seventeen.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  I couldn't miss, I couldn't miss one thirty-five to my senior year of high school.

• 4:04Channing Crowder?

  There are no, nobody, nobody says I want to be a tight end, do they? Like, tight end is, you're either, you know what I'm saying, you're a receiver or you're not a receiver.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  Before, nobody would say that.

• 4:14Fred Taylor?

  But it's, it's glamorized now.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:16Fred Taylor?

  I mean, you know, you got Travis Kelsey, Rob Gronkowski, yourself, just to name, you know, the top guys in the NFL. So, I think these young kids, you know, just seeing you guys and seeing how they.

• 4:27Channing Crowder?

  Tight end's not sexy.

• 4:28Fred Taylor?

  It's the new NFL.

• 4:29Channing Crowder?

  The girls don't see it, say, oh, he's a tight end. That ain't, that, Fred, that's not, that's not special.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Growing up, it was like, I mean, you had like Jeremy Shockey. I was a Jeremy Shockey, my dad was a Giants fan, so I liked Jeremy Shockey, but tight end before was just like a big burly position. It wasn't really like.

• 4:43Channing Crowder?

  It's a glorified offensive tackle.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 4:45Channing Crowder?

  So, y'all, but this dude, bro, we was walking down the hallway coming here, we both were like, oh my goodness. Bro, I'm looking at you, and I'm like, this dude is big as hell.

• 4:53Ryan Clark?

  Hey, so he mentioned Shockey, right? So, Shockey was drafted the same year I got to the Giants. He ended up coming to camp late, you know what I'm saying? Like, he held out, he comes to camp, and y'all know how it is, y'all know how y'all do rookies. You know, everybody has to sing. So, as soon as he gets to the lunchroom, everybody's like, alright, Jeremy, like, alright, Shock, you gotta sing. So, he's, so he's, he's like, I'm, I'm eating, I'm not gonna sing right now. Brandon Short was like, nah, you gonna sing right now. So, Shockey gets up on the chair, you know, you gotta say name, school, signing bonus, he sings. And when he's done, he's like, good enough for you? Right? He tells Brandon Short that. So, Fossil's in there, Brandon Short walks across, bro, Shock hops off the chair, they get to scrapping. Table breaks, everything in the lunchroom, right?

• 5:37Channing Crowder?

  They fought in the lunchroom?

• 5:38Ryan Clark?

  They fought in the lunchroom, Fossil runs over though, like, oh, no, no, no, no. So, Brandon Short gets up, and this is when I knew the league was different. He got up and he goes, oh, we got one. Like, he needed to, like, he needed to see that.

• 5:50Fred Taylor?

  And that was day one?

• 5:50Ryan Clark?

  That was day one, bro, that was his first day. But you played receiver though, first?

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was receiver my first year to leave.

• 5:56Ryan Clark?

  So, dude, so, Georgia Tech used a receiver too, right?

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:00Ryan Clark?

  What happened, like, why did that move take place though?

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Uh, my, my rookie year, I was getting up to like, two forty-two. And I was like, playing gunner, I was running on special teams, like. But still playing receiver, so they were like, at the end of the year, they were like, alright, we're thinking about moving you to tight end. And I was like, alright, like, I get it, because I remember coming in. There was this coach from New England that gave me like a private workout, and he said, "You could either be a good wide receiver or a great tight end." I never forgot him saying that to me. And so when they said move to tight end, his, his words came to my mind, so I was just like, alright, let's do it. I changed positions a million times anyways.

• 6:34Ryan Clark?

  You're an all-pro tight end, but your story is bigger than that, right? Your, your story comes from having addiction, fighting addiction. And I would have to think, fighting addiction every day. I don't, I don't necessarily know if that's something that, that goes away. Why and how did that start for you?

• 6:53Speaker 03

  I like what you said about it's a continuous battle. Like today, it may not be like wanting to use or wanting to drink or nothing like that, but it's like other addictive, addictive behaviors that could replace it. So, but yeah, for me, it started when I was 15. Took painkillers for the first time, like oxys, like anything you'd get from a surgery. And it was just, I was hooked from there, because at that time, it was, you know, football wasn't really popping, I was riding the bench on the freshman team. Or if I was playing, like I got hurt, I was in the cast all the time, so people was kind of making fun of me for that. And I tried to put my identity in football, so it wasn't really working. So I came across those pills, and I was like, oh, this makes me feel good, like, nothing else makes me feel like this. So from there, I just, you know, never stopped.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  It went on for like a decade, through being arrested three times.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Failed at least 100 drug tests in the league, at least 100.

• 7:45Ryan Clark?

  A hundred, bro? You failed 100?

• 7:48Speaker 03

  So, I mean, if you look at the math.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  Nah, let me, let me, so I came in the league in the drug program, because I failed two tests in college. That's why I got kicked out of college. And you get 10 tests a month in the NFL drug program.

• 8:05Ryan Clark?

  Okay.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Two weeks of two tests is four, two weeks of three tests is six, six was four, 10, and... I'm getting tested that many times a week, I'm still getting fucked up. And so I'm still taking tests, like sometimes I would like drink a couple detox drinks in a day and like, go sit in the sauna for like an hour and a half and drink gallons of water and see if I could beat it. It became like a sick game almost.

• 8:29Ryan Clark?

  What is, what is that feeling like of knowing you're going to get tested? And not being able to stop the action that will make you fail a test? Like not being able to stop like taking drugs or drinking?

• 8:40Speaker 03

  It's like a war on the inside, like Lord of the Rings where they're like running down the hill at each other. It's like a war going on inside, like I don't want to let these people down. I don't want people to think I'm this or that, but at the same time like I can't stop and I need this. Like to, you know, function and just be at peace and not just completely psych myself out. And so, yeah, it's just a constant push and pull and paranoia because there'd be a FedEx envelope in your locker. If you fail the test. So I'll come in the locker room and be like, I seen the FedEx envelope. I'll just kind of keep it moving and just kind of walk around, go to the weight room or go sit in the sauna or just like, you know, kind of not want to be there and then like when nobody was around, I'd like rip the paper up and throw it in the trash.

• 9:23Fred Taylor?

  So how would you feel knowing that, um, you know, your teammates are depending on you? And they, they know what the FedEx is, you know, when it's sitting there. You know, and I know they, they, they'll say, we, this guy is fighting his own demons. But how do you think they, they felt when they saw those FedEx, the envelopes?

• 9:43Speaker 03

  I don't know, man. I mean, it couldn't have been anything good, but I never really got confronted by anyone or anything because my behavior was never really loud. I was always really quiet and that could play to my advantage. And I could be like respectful at the surface, you know, have a conversation with you here, but I'm also like, I was like very cerebral with how I moved, like I knew me being in the drug program, them knowing I'm in the drug program. I'm not hanging out with nobody outside the building because I'm not trying to have that conversation. I'm not trying to be confronted on that level. It was only one teammate I had that, um, that I would hang out with outside the building and do that with.

• 10:16Ryan Clark?

  Did he, did he know that you were doing?

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was doing it with me and he's no longer with us because of what we were doing. So it's just like, yeah, but.

• 10:24Ryan Clark?

  He's no longer with us?

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:27Ryan Clark?

  Could you say the name like?

• 10:29Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, his name is Lorenzo Tyler Faro. He was a teammate of mine. I was the only dude I would hang out with in Baltimore. We would, and we would always, you know, talk about how, you know, we gonna stop and, you know, how like we were doing, we were doing what we were doing, but we didn't really wanna do that shit. Like, we didn't really enjoy it. Like, we was like, alright, like, you know, we gonna stop, like. But for me, it'd be like, alright, I'm gonna stop Wednesday. And then I'd be like, Wednesday will come, and I'd be like, nah, I'll stop Friday.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Then Friday would come, and I'd be like, nah, I'm just gonna go through the weekend.

• 11:00Ryan Clark?

  But on Monday though, on Monday, I'm gonna be a different man.

• 11:03Fred Taylor?

  Monday sound better.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  And that went for months and years.

• 11:07Fred Taylor?

  Eight under the influence?

• 11:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:10Fred Taylor?

  What does that feel like?

• 11:11Speaker 03

  I mean, I felt like it was working to my advantage, but it probably wasn't. But it was just like a lot less anxious thinking. So I would, I would overthink things and, you know, you can't really do that. You gotta go out there and let your bike do what it does. But, um, I mean, I thought it was to my advantage, but it was just, you know, a lot quiet. But I think it was really just the numbing of it. So when I was, I was out there on the field, I remember during games, I would be yawning. Cause I'm like, I don't, didn't really enjoy football because I made it this thing to please other people. It wasn't the joy of, that I had when I was a kid. So I, I remember games where I was yawning. I'm like, why the fuck am I yawning? I'm yawning in a professional football game where somebody could put me to sleep.

• 11:48Fred Taylor?

  I had, I had some of those moments, but it was because of Toradol. You know, uh, early on, they were, they would just have the Toradol and they would call it the T-Train. Get in line and everybody get their shot. In the first quarter, after warm up, I'm just sitting on the sideline and I'm, I'm yawning like, this is, this is crazy. Then eventually, I was like, this can't be good. So I shut down the Toradol and, um, you know, things would pick up for me. But those were crazy moments, man. You're just sitting there, 80,000 fans around, and you're yawning as if you're about to fall asleep right now.

• 12:22Ryan Clark?

  Like, I feel like, I feel like, like that would scare me. You know what I'm saying? Like, if I, if I'm in the stadium, cause I was always trying to be so hyper-focused on my job, like, and, and I guess I wasn't, I was more so running to it than running away. When you said, you, you said like you were doing things to, to not be anxious. And, you know, you were introduced to whether it was painkillers and these things. Did you feel like you were doing that to escape something? Was it, was it about, was it about? Taking yourself from what you were anxious about and bringing yourself to something else?

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was definitely an escape, uh, because just my reality in my head was that I wasn't good enough or I was like, you know, too weird when I was a kid or just way different than everybody else. So I always associated me being different with something being wrong with me. Whereas today, like, I can see me being different is, you know, what makes me unique or what, uh, is gonna help me.

• 13:13Ryan Clark?

  What do you mean, like, being different, though? Like, you seem, like, other than being like an extremely abnormally large human, you seem very, like, very easy, right? You seem very normal to me. When you say being different.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  So when I was younger, uh, you know, people of my, of our skin color used to just rag on me because of the way that I dressed or the way that I talked. Uh, you know, the kids in my neighborhood that I first made friends with when I moved to Georgia were white, but I wasn't really looking at it like that. They was outside playing sports and shit, so I was like, I'm trying to go do that. But I would always be like the brunt of jokes. And so it was just like, man, like, I don't feel like, I can't change that I'm black, like, and somebody tell me I'm not black enough, it's like, it just left me in a weird place. And then it's like, if you go to school, I'm in like these advanced classes, I'm the only person that looks like me in most of my classes. So it's just like, everywhere that I go, I'm like, what's wrong with me? Why am I the one, that's the odd one sticking out? So it's just like, and that would carry over in everything that I did.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  So football, I was like, I was never good enough, no matter what I did. So I was always trying to overcompensate or please people through anything that I did. And alcohol and drugs gave me that ability to just kind of cut that off and just numb out and just push people away.

• 14:23Ryan Clark?

  I- i- is- is it gone now?

• 14:25Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 14:26Ryan Clark?

  You seem like, like, you wanna appease people, you wanna, you know,

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, right, yeah.

• 14:30Ryan Clark?

  Fit in, you know what I'm saying? Like, all of us wanna, wanna have an identity as a human being. Is it gone now?

• 14:35Speaker 03

  It's not, um, as obsessive as it once was. Like, like, at a base level, everybody wants, you know, people to be proud of them or, you know, respect what they do. Like, I still have that, and I still have my moments where I do want to, you know, prove something to somebody or show somebody I can do certain things, but it's not what it once was. What it once was is like, that shit.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  It controlled me like.

• 14:59Ryan Clark?

  You thought, how often during the day did you think about other people's perception of you?

• 15:04Speaker 03

  It was throughout the day, man.

• 15:06Ryan Clark?

  All day?

• 15:07Speaker 03

  It was literally like for me, I remember one time somebody was like, yeah, write, start with writing 10 things that you like about yourself. I couldn't, I could name one and it was that I could out drink you or out snort you or out pop you or something like that. It was nothing that I liked about myself, but if somebody else said that they liked something about me, then I could, I was like, okay, like somebody else verified me. So then I could stop doing it about myself. That's how bad it was.

• 15:31Fred Taylor?

  I want to go back. You said around 15 is when you, when you started. What were those influences? Was it attention, trying to feel acceptance, bullying, you know, peer, peer influence, people around you? What made you take the pills?

• 15:52Speaker 03

  It was, it was some peer influence involved for sure. It was guys that, you know, I thought were cool. I'm like, all right, I'm trying to do what's cool. I'm trying to do what, you know, everybody else is doing and.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends, like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an ultra because it's not just a superior light beer. It's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit michelobultra.com/superioraccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it was just kind of like, I always was like a kid. I was like, I'm not going to do drugs, I'm not going to drink, I'm not going to do any of that. But in that situation, the way that they said it was like, this will make you feel good, like we'd be feel, we'd feel good off of these. And I was like, yeah, I'm trying to feel good. Like I feel like I ain't felt good in a minute. I'm like 15 years old, that's kind of scary.

• 16:50Ryan Clark?

  It's kind of, it's kind of really early to feel like you haven't felt good in a minute, you know? It's a, that's a, a very short period of time.

• 16:59Fred Taylor?

  15? And those guys, those same guys, you, you, are they around? Do you know what they're doing, what they're?

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I still communicate with one of them today. Still, still homies, but it's like, I don't hold nothing against them, like,

• 17:15Fred Taylor?

  Right.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Because I've done the same thing along my path, telling people like, oh, you'll do this, or like, you know, getting people to drink, or that, that never drank before, and it's just like, I don't hold nothing against him.

• 17:26Fred Taylor?

  Are they excited for you, knowing what, you know, the, the adversity that you've gone through? You know, the near, uh, uh, overdose, um, that life-threatening experience? Uh, they, they excited for you? They come to games?

• 17:39Speaker 03

  He's, he's never been to, uh, one of the games out here, but, uh, I mean, we still remained in contact this whole time. He's kinda like amazed, like, he's like, I don't, I didn't know it was that deep, or it went that far, because we would just, you know, we would just like, do that and like, watch movies, or, you know, just kick it, we wouldn't do nothing crazy, so it's like, but nobody knew, like, when I was by myself, the, the depth I would take it to.

• 17:59Ryan Clark?

  What was the low point? Is it, is it nearly overdosing? Like, what, what, what, whatever got you to a point where you said, like, damn, Darren, like, I gotta stop this?

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it was one day in particular. It was August 11th, 2017.

• 18:13Ryan Clark?

  Wow.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 18:14Ryan Clark?

  He knows it, bro.

• 18:16Speaker 03

  So to set the context, uh, 2017, June of 2017, I was suspended for, banned from the league for at least a year, was the words they used.

• 18:24Ryan Clark?

  Okay.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  And-

• 18:25Ryan Clark?

  That's because you failed a hundred tests.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Because I failed a bunch of drug tests, yep. Do the math. And so, we're talking maybe two months after that test, I'm, I mean, I'm doing cocaine now, like, I'm doing more, like, I'm not like, it wasn't like, I got suspended, let's get right, it was like, I got suspended, I was saying, like, alright, I need help, I'm gonna do this, this and this, but my actions didn't match. Like, I would still just go to the bottle, or go to, you know, whatever I could pick up. And that lasted about two months. And then, I knew I was moving out of my apartment in Baltimore, because I wasn't gonna be on the team during the season. And this was the day they were having their first preseason game of, of training camp. And so, I'm like, alright, I'm, I'm gonna get high one more time while I'm here, like, I go and pick up, but,

• 19:10Speaker 03

  uh, people have been telling me that pil-, that pills get pressed, especially in Baltimore, it's a scene where it could be fentanyl, it could be something, and it's not gonna be what you thought it was, but they can press it and make it look like it's what you usually get.

• 19:22Ryan Clark?

  Okay.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  And so, I picked up. Did what I did, then I went to the store, I was gonna get some beer or something, and I pull up in the parking lot. I tried to get out the car, and I'm like, ah, I feel like I'm gonna like pass out, or throw up, or cause a scene, so I'm just gonna get back in the car. I just kinda sat there, I didn't feel like moving for a while, then it was just like, somebody just like pulled the plug out of a TV. Like, if you ever playing video games, you're not supposed to, your parents pulled the plug out, yeah.

• 19:48Ryan Clark?

  Really?

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Then I woke up, it was like nighttime, and I was like in a cold sweat, just like feeling like my organs weren't working properly or something, you know? And then you go forth, I just kinda like drove home, and I was just like scared from that, because I always thought I was in control. I could always, you know, manipulate these tests, or what I'm telling people, or the coaches, or anyone. But I couldn't fool myself in that moment, I was like, I'm not in control with this, like, this is, just almost took me out, for real. So, from that day on, I ain't touched nothing since.

• 20:21Ryan Clark?

  You have that experience?

• 20:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:23Ryan Clark?

  On August 11th, 2017, and just that simple experience is what got you clean? Or what were the next steps after that?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  I mean, this is how I know, like, I feel like God was at work, because right after that, the Ravens doctors called, and were like, "Yeah, we're looking at your toxicology results, uh, like, we're scared for your life, basically." So like, "We suggest that you go to like a rehab facility." And they connected me with this dude, uh, it was a facility in College Park, because I was in Atlanta. Went there, the dude did evaluation on me, he was like, "Yeah, you need to go to rehab immediately." For not only like drugs and alcohol.

• 21:00Ryan Clark?

  Was it just like talking to you, evaluation, or like basically the toxicology report and all that?

• 21:05Speaker 03

  Uh, getting the toxicology results, taking some tests, uh, answering a whole bunch of questions, and he was like, "Yeah, you need to go to rehab immediately for drugs and alcohol, but also like mental health, like anxiety, things like that." And I was paranoid, so.

• 21:20Ryan Clark?

  And, and the, the realism, because a lot of people, like nowadays, the mental health thing is so big, like, people talk about it, and I think.

• 21:28Channing Crowder?

  I think it's it's it's at a point where some people overlook it. But you've seen it and you've lived it.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Right.

• 21:35Channing Crowder?

  Like that that part of it, like talk, you know what I'm saying, I just want to, you know what I'm saying, we we like to have free game here. Like, talk to people about that, like, that that the mental health thing is real.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:47Channing Crowder?

  You know what I'm saying, and you've been through it. What would you say to a uh uh any anybody that has that that thought in the back of their mind? That thing where you were like, hey, I I could I couldn't stop this.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 21:58Channing Crowder?

  And they say you have to go to this immediately, like you have to be there. Like, the mental health thing is is a is a real thing.

• 22:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel like anybody that feels like they have an issue, they gotta get a therapist for sure. Like, I still talk to a therapist once a week, but it's just, it's not so much like it being crazy or like there's something wrong with you, it's more so like, I think of it as like putting puzzle pieces on the table when you talk to somebody, it's like the pieces are on the table. And then from there, they may help you like put the pieces together. Like, you still end up making the change for yourself, they just help you see it better. And help you like formulate a game plan. But if you're not talking to anybody, you know, the way that your mind has been shaped and warped through depression or whatever you're dealing with, like, that's all you're gonna think is negative thoughts, so you're gonna find a way to twist something into it not working for you. Like, for me, I was like, I need to go get help, I need to go to rehab, oh, no, they're gonna think I'm crazy, so fuck that.

• 22:50Fred Taylor?

  So, are you in the program now?

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Drug program?

• 22:52Fred Taylor?

  Yeah, with the NFL.

• 22:54Speaker 03

  Nah, I graduated, uh.

• 22:56Channing Crowder?

  He said he graduated.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  I graduated last August, uh, before training camp, they sent me the letter and I was like, well, I was proud, you know?

• 23:05Fred Taylor?

  You should be.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  For real, because it was like, I mean, little things like, I mean, I remember when I stopped like just lying to every single person. It's just like, a lot of people would be like, well, yeah, you shouldn't do that, but for me, I'm like, you don't understand.

• 23:17Channing Crowder?

  That's a huge accomplishment.

• 23:19Fred Taylor?

  Right, and and with that, you know, and and for people who don't understand, you know, the NFL program is very rigorous, like, it's a a big, it is demanding. And they they try to make sure they provide the resources to keep you in line, right? So that's the structure. You're gonna retire someday. You're not gonna be playing, you know, and you know, it's probably gonna get harder. You know, you're gonna have those challenges. Have you thought about that?

• 23:47Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I think about that, you know, when things kind of shift, like, once you get into, like, offseason, or, uh, you know, I was out for, like, five weeks this season. It's just like, uh, it's different, because you used to have that structure and used to, uh, you know, any kind of emotion or things built up. You have, you're running around, you got practice, walk-through, lift, like, you can get all that stuff out.

• 24:07Fred Taylor?

  Your routine, right, right.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  So when you don't have a routine, you gotta be just as meticulous of creating a new one, creating a new structure, so.

• 24:15Fred Taylor?

  We've all retired, and, uh, you know, when you, while you're playing, you know, they have so many different statistics of what guys are doing when they're retired, divorced, broke, all of these other stats. And, uh, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a transition that, if you're not prepared for, you know, you can succumb to it, you know, it's, it's definitely, uh, not easy if you're not prepared. Uh, but you have to prepare for that much like you prepare, you know, for a game.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 24:45Fred Taylor?

  And, um, it's gonna be tough. You'll have those moments, you know, when that structure isn't there. Uh, what did you do when you were out, you know, to, to keep yourself, you know, focused and, and not get sidetracked? I hear you randomly wake up and, and feed the homeless.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  I do like to serve, um, for me, like, what I do personally, uh, just meditation, prayer, uh, I make music, you know, I record at my house, make beats, uh, read a lot of books.

• 25:14Fred Taylor?

  You can hook us up with a, a new intro.

• 25:17Ryan Clark?

  I know, we need a new intro, right? By Darren Wardle.

• 25:19Channing Crowder?

  We ain't gonna lock in, though, because I don't know if this beat is fire. We gotta hear something, Darren.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  We can send some trials through. But I honestly feel like I had practice of like being away from football when I was out for that year, like after I left rehab, you know, I came home and you know, I was going like recovery meetings and stuff like that, but I was working at Sprouts. I worked at Sprouts for seven months. I was a grocery clerk. I was stocking shelves.

• 25:46Channing Crowder?

  Hey Tom, I'm gonna cut you off.

• 25:47Ryan Clark?

  You the biggest grocery clerk.

• 25:49Channing Crowder?

  Hey, can you put that? Can you put that bottle on the top?

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Can you get that water off the top? Or they'll be like, why don't you want to feel somewhere? It's a long story. I don't really have the time.

• 26:03Fred Taylor?

  So you were only a clerk? You didn't do, you wasn't the stock boy? Cause I imagine you putting up.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was on the backstock and putting stuff on shelves and I remember, cause I remember when I got the job, the store manager went to church with my parents and I was like, I need, I was like, I need structure. I need to go over there and just swallow my pride. And I was like, okay, cool. I'll be assistant store manager. They're like, oh no, we need a grocery clerk.

• 26:25Channing Crowder?

  Right.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  I was like, I'm bagging groceries if we get busy at the front, like, you know, so that was like humbling for me, but it's like, it also gave me a sense like I can serve people. I feel like I can feel good about the work that I do no matter what line it's in.

• 26:39Channing Crowder?

  Right.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  And it kind of helped me, you know, detach my identity from football because I, at that time, for six months of that suspension, I didn't even want to go back just because of the, you know, the state I was in and how I was feeling and how anxious I was. I was like, I don't want to go back and play, but eventually through my training, I was able to fall in love with the work of it and not trying to please people. And then that turned into me wanting to go back. And it's like now today, like I don't feel like I need to please critics or coaches or anybody that's evaluating me. I can just connect with the joy that I had when I was a kid and just roll with that.

• 27:12Channing Crowder?

  Bro, you a, you a dog. We all know like, you know.

• 27:15Ryan Clark?

  Now he can flat out go.

• 27:16Channing Crowder?

  Yeah, you, you, you, you been, you, you would have hit me for 14 catches.

• 27:20Ryan Clark?

  Like Tony Gonzalez.

• 27:21Channing Crowder?

  198 yards.

• 27:22Ryan Clark?

  Did you strap Tony Gonzalez though?

• 27:24Channing Crowder?

  Tony Gonzalez, he impregnated me one time in Atlanta. We made, like, we, we made a child.

• 27:32Ryan Clark?

  Bro, he had seven. I bet that child was lycan as hell.

• 27:35Channing Crowder?

  He had seven, seven for 70 in the first half on me with the little option route, put the elbow on me. And I'm seeing you do it when you run up, but e- even like, like that, that, that success that you've had, like, and you know you're gonna, like, you know you're gonna be open.

• 27:53Channing Crowder?

  Like, what's, what's that? That feeling, and you're talking about like, your, your, your struggles. Yeah. But your successes, though, like. Yeah. That you know, bro, we was talking about it walking in, bro, you are a big ass human. Like, if you get mad right now, I don't know what I'm gonna do. We gotta jump in? If you ran over here, we gotta jump in.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  We gotta jump in.

• 28:12Channing Crowder?

  We gotta jump in. Like, you're, like, do, do you, do you put your, like, your, your, your, your, your struggles? And all that, we all have struggles. Yeah. But then, do you look at your successes and look at what you are? And look at that, there is no linebacker right now, I'll tell you in the NFL, that when the coach tells him, "Hey, you got Darren." Huh? Excuse me? Are we doubling? Yeah, uh.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Safeties too.

• 28:36Channing Crowder?

  All of them. Corners too. Quarterbacks look at you like, "God damn." Like, do you, do you understa- can you? We talking about mental health, can you understand that? Can you appreciate the good and the bad? Yeah.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  Um, I'm getting better at it. I feel like I, things have been, like, bad or chaotic or crazy for so long that that's what I'm used to. So it's like, when good things are happening, I'm just kinda like, I still have the thought of like, "Oh, well, it could be like it was," like, or like, you know, like, "This ain't gonna be for long, they gonna, like, I'm a fraud or something." But now, I'm able to appreciate it more because it's like, my, I feel like my character is more in alignment with the good things that are happening in my life, whereas before, it was like, I was lying, manipulating, like, just being a demon for real. So it's like, now that my character's more in line, it's like, okay, like, I feel like it's authentic in my success. Like, like, I deserve this, like, this is something that is, should be for me.

• 29:30Channing Crowder?

  When you are now, having come from some of the things you had to overcome, when you look back at your past life, how do you feel about that? How, how, how have you made peace with, I, I, I wanna say who you were, but I guess you always are that and you fight that every day. How have you made peace with the decisions and actions of your past?

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Um. Now I'm just like gratitude like because if it wasn't for everything that happened, who's to say I would be right here if you just changed one detail of the story? It may not be the same.

• 30:05Fred Taylor?

  Right.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  So it's like, you know, I'm grateful for everything that happened up until now because now it gave me, you know, understanding and a certain conviction of, you know, how I want to live my life and not base it off of what the world is doing or what what's cool around me is gotta be what's healthy and what's best for me and, you know, the legacy that I'm trying to leave.

• 30:25Ryan Clark?

  Where do you find like the most joy though, bro? Cause I think like, like I've obviously, you know, never been where you are. I think we've all obsessed, obsessed and been addicted to something, right? Obviously what you dealt with isn't at an extreme level. Where do you go though for, for joy? Like when, when you think to yourself, this is where I'm the most happy, right? What place is that?

• 30:52Speaker 03

  For me, it's like being in nature. I just went this past weekend by myself. I drove to Utah and was in.

• 30:58Ryan Clark?

  By yourself?

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's in this place called Snow Canyon State Park and I went to Zion National Park, which was the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life. Never felt like an ant before, but in that park, like everything is just monumental and just being there and, you know, just being in that presence, not having the noise or the technology or anything around me that I have to do is just me being able to be there and just be in all of that. Like I feel like it's nature for me and it's music.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends, like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an ultra because it's not just a superior like beer. It's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit michelobultra.com/superioraccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 31:54Fred Taylor?

  You have an amazing story, right? It's a story of redemption, you know, of just fight, right? And people are rooting for you. Do you feel any pressures? That if you go back the other way, do you feel a sense of letdown?

• 32:14Fred Taylor?

  Whether it's, you know, family, teammates, coaches, friends, therapists? Do you feel any pressure from any of it? Because you have an amazing story, man.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have, I have thought of that a little bit. It's like, man, if I, because there'll be random times a day where I'll have a thought where it's like, I'll see like, I don't know. I could like get a whiff of like some gas or something and be like, oh man, shit, I can go smoke again. Hey, like, like, one joint ain't gonna kill you. That's what my mind will tell me, but I'm just like, I have to kind of come back. But, um, but yeah, like I feel like I ran through that scenario in my mind before. It'd be like, man, like if I were to ever relapse, like, man, like what would that be like? For me to go back. But, um, you know, it's just, that's what motivates me to kind of stay in the work of the day. Because, you know, as long as I stay on my path, I feel like everything is the work of how I should.

• 33:01Fred Taylor?

  What are your conversations with Max, like Max Crosby, your teammate? You know, you guys had similar challenges. Uh, what are those conversations like? Do you root for each other?

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:13Fred Taylor?

  Um, do you tell each other different techniques and things to keep your mind right here and away from? You know, all that stuff?

• 33:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, we kind of, we read out of, you know, the same books every day and just kind of, you know, our heads are just kind of in the same space. So of course it's just like locking in on football and everything, but it's really like wherever you are at any point in time, like while you're there, it's like putting all of your energy into just being in that place and being present and realizing that. There's a lot of things that can take me out of this, a lot of, you know, self-centered things, me wanting to prove myself or me wanting to, you know. Get with women or things like that, like there's a lot of things that are pulling at our attention that we could be addicted to, different kind of behaviors. But it's just about, you know, leaning on each other, leaning on guys that are similar to us, realizing that, you know,

• 34:05Speaker 03

  a lot of things that we want are really just like short-term pleasures and comforts as opposed to like the long-term character that we want to build. Or like the long-term life that we want to build.

• 34:14Fred Taylor?

  And people that are, that are watching this, right, they, they, they, they understand, they, they've heard about addiction. And they, you know, you can walk down the street and you could see a, a fiend, a crackhead, or whatever you want to call it. Uh, but those people don't have a lot of times the accessibility, you know, you're rich. You know what I'm saying? So I, I believe that it's much harder for people in your position. It's so easy for women to throw themselves at you. You know, guys, teammates, the influence from within, going out to party and you see this and you hear these stories. But that's a, that's a whole nother fight, right? You know, and, uh, they mess with me.

• 34:52Channing Crowder?

  Especially being light-skinned, like fine people like me and, me and you, like being so fine, like it's like everybody, listen, listen, R.C., R.C., R.C., don't act crazy.

• 35:02Ryan Clark?

  You are two, you're, you guys are on two different level of attractive.

• 35:05Fred Taylor?

  You in jungle mode.

• 35:06Channing Crowder?

  Who? Oh, so I look better, I look better than, I look better than, no you don't, bro. So I, I'm like a, I'm like a nine. You a good-looking dude, you like a eight, I'm a nine, you know what I'm saying?

• 35:16Fred Taylor?

  It's hard, you know.

• 35:18Channing Crowder?

  Yeah.

• 35:18Fred Taylor?

  So that's why, you know, I, I, they, they tease me and I was, I was gonna say they tease me because a lot of times on this show, you know, I like to commend people, like, and they think I be sucking up, pause. I like to, I like to commend people.

• 35:32Channing Crowder?

  I screwed your ass closer together.

• 35:34Fred Taylor?

  I like to, I, you know, I, I like to commend and congratulate people on their efforts and, you know, when I recognize that they're doing good. You know, and it's not being a kiss-ass or anything like that. I'm glad I didn't use the other word. But, uh, bro, it's, it's, pause. Uh, but it, it's tough and I think people need to, to understand that.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Right. Men need to do that more in general.

• 35:57Ryan Clark?

  It's obviously, you know, your story, you come out on the other side, you know, I spoke about it earlier. I think just from a talent level, to be that tall, be that fast, have the hands, be the route running, all of those things, when you see where you are now as a player, like aside from everything you've overcome in your personal life, when, when you get on the field, are you truly, because you, you know, made jokes about the safeties earlier, are you truly like, hey man, can't nobody out here hold me, like are you running to the huddle every time with Derrick, like say dawg, if I got one on one, give me the rock.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Me and my personality, I'm trying to develop more into that where I can demand those things. But before, it's like, I could still be in that mode where I'm like, well, I'm just kind of lucky to be in the league, lucky to have a job, kind of mindset, and so I'm trying to break out of that and like I've had those conversations that need to be had with people, but usually I'm like, you know, just kind of stay to the back because I've always been in trouble and that's just kind of been fixed in my mind. But in my mind, I believe like if one on one, there's anybody here like, yeah, I'm, I'm cooking like, that's, that's what I believe every time I get up there, like it's got to be some kind of zone, it's got to be some kind of bracket in order for them to win the rep. But as far as having that conversation with the quarterback or having that conversation with a coach, like,

• 37:13Speaker 03

  it's still something that's, I gotta work on and be like, it's not me stepping on toes or me being arrogant and nothing like that, it's just like, you know, I want the team to go as far as it can go and I feel like you can exhaust me as much as possible, like, but I don't want to step on people's toes because somehow in the back of my mind, I'm just like, I'm still that guy that's lucky to be here, you know what I'm saying?

• 37:36Ryan Clark?

  You guys at the Las Vegas Raiders had what I'd consider an unprecedented year. Right? You had a, a coach whose emails come out, um, you know, one, you have a guy on your team that is gay and, you know, they're homo, there's homophobic language, uh, there's also, they called it racial tropes in that. Um, and then you have a first round draft pick in Henry Ruggs who, it's just truly a tragedy what happened to him and also a life is lost. Uh, what was it like being in your locker room and what, what role did you play in being a leader in that locker room this year?

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Just when those things were happening, like in back to back weeks, it was just like. I don't know, it kind of got to a mindset where it was like, alright, well, man, I feel like something might, something might happen like every week now, like what's like, what's next? You just kind of, I don't know, it kind of makes you numb to it, but at the same time, it's like, you know, just trying to be a leader and let guys know that it's okay to grieve these individuals. Like, we don't have to be like, alright, on to the next, like, got to forget about this because these were people that were, you know, integral in what we were trying to build here. People that, you know, we cared about, so we're allowed to feel these emotions. Don't cut yourself off from feeling because then that's going to cut off from your experience in some other area of your life.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Like, if you're cutting those feelings off and you're going to go home and then maybe cut your family off or, you know, not be able to, you know, really focus on the game plan that week. So just allow yourself to feel everything. That's what more the role I was in as a leader.

• 39:10Fred Taylor?

  So last year is in the bag. You got a new coach coming in, Josh McDaniels, offensive guru. He's an amazing guy. Does that excite you? Knowing that in that Patriots scheme of thing, the way they, you know, they scheme up things, all this success that Gronkowski had, does that excite you? Have you thought about that?

• 39:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have. And his first day in the office, like, as soon as I got back from Utah, like, I went in there and was sat down and talked with him. And I'm very excited about being able to work with him and just him to be able to take my game to another level. I want to be able to keep being challenged to be my best. And I feel like as far as work and doing that and improving players, him and that system, where is that?

• 39:55Channing Crowder?

  Hey, but what's that conversation?

• 39:59Channing Crowder?

  A new head coach, a new, he's offensive guy, Josh McDaniels, an offensive man.

• 40:05Channing Crowder?

  Do you tell him? Like, bro.

• 40:07Ryan Clark?

  But he just said he played a back, though. No, I would say it like, that's the thing.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  I use that, so I use that as an opportunity for me, like. Like when I like meditate, reflect, it's like, how do I keep growing in my life? And it's like, okay, when I meet him, let me create this open dialogue of like, okay, I'm gonna be honest about what I feel and what I want, but in a way that's not, you know, demanding or like just being arrogant. Like now I'm gonna use my voice and not just fade it back because I'm past that. I'm not in that stage in my life anymore. And if somebody were to hold me in that place, like that's not right. Like I'm not the dude that's just like trying to earn, keep a job now. Like no, now I'm trying to be the best player that this organization has ever had. Like those are the kind of things I want to think about now. So it's like, okay, let me establish this dialogue with this coach and let him know that,

• 40:55Speaker 03

  all right, there were some opportunities. There were some times last year where I could have said more. I could have done this, but I'm gonna say it now and let you know that, hey, exhaust me in every way possible because.

• 41:04Channing Crowder?

  I wanna go, I wanna go get it. Do you, do you like, you know, I don't know if it's joking, but do you tell your coordinators like, 10 targets a game? Hey, 15 targets a game, coach. You know what I'm saying? Like you, you like real talk. Like I, we, I play, you know, Freddie is the Jacksonville Fred Taylors. Every, we talk about that all the time. Fred is all that Jacksonville had and Fred showed out. You know what I'm saying? But us playing defense like what, like looking at you and seeing what you do, but seeing that you're so talented. Right. Like that, that balance between being a team player and being like, coach, throw me the ball. Right. This dude cannot cover me. Like what, what's that balance as a, as a big target?

• 41:49Channing Crowder?

  As a star, like as what you're doing. What's the balance of saying like, listen, one on one, I'm open. Two on one, I might be open, coach. What's that balance?

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, it, it can leave me, uh, you know, kind of frustrated sometimes on the inside, like when I come off the field, but I don't wanna, I'm somebody that never wants to step on toes or have the tough conversation, but it's like, they have to be had, especially for the sake of the team winning. It's like me not being pushed to my limit. I don't think that's good enough for the team to be as great as they want to be. Like, that's what, that's the kind of player that I feel like I am, what I bring to the team. So it's like, me not having those conversations where I feel like I should have, it's like, it can lead me kinda on the inside like, damn, like, just kinda mad at myself, like, why don't you just say something?

• 42:37Channing Crowder?

  Why don't you say something? No, be honest, no, bro, why don't you say something?

• 42:41Speaker 03

  That's, that's me kinda trying to break out of my personality now, as before, like, I don't wanna step on toes, I don't want people to not approve of me if I were to say something, like, it's like, in that lane that I'm trying to still unpack and overcome, so I can just say that.

• 42:56Channing Crowder?

  Listen, RC, can we, can we tell him, Fred, can we tell him? Bro, you're, you're a monster. Dog. You're a monster. That's what they want, like, we, we joked off air about Tony Gonzalez and Antonio Gates and all, that, that I played. Bro, you're there.

• 43:12Fred Taylor?

  See, but this, you're, you're on the defense, you don't have to ask for those reps or those plays, those opportunities. And on offense, if, if you're as good as he is, that's gonna speak for itself. Coaches know that our success is gonna come through him. So you don't have to go in there and say, hey, I need at least 15 targets a game. You know, you, you, they're gonna script up, what they need is script up to get him the ball. Now, the other teams are trying their best to defend that, right? And they're gonna challenge him.

• 43:39Channing Crowder?

  Well, that's why you was mad when you say you only had 15 carries in that game, which couldn't count.

• 43:43Fred Taylor?

  I didn't, I didn't go in there and, coach, I need 30.

• 43:46Channing Crowder?

  But maybe you should have.

• 43:46Fred Taylor?

  You know, coach, the coaches will go back, they'll, they'll go back and they'll look at it and they'll say, damn, we should have.

• 43:51Channing Crowder?

  But Fred, it's just too late after you losing the playoffs, though.

• 43:54Fred Taylor?

  They, they learn.

• 43:55Channing Crowder?

  Tennessee whooped y'all three times in one season, we talking about who would take a little one.

• 43:59Fred Taylor?

  The, look, I don't have to go in there and insert myself in that manner. The coaches, they went back and saw the film.

• 44:04Channing Crowder?

  Yeah.

• 44:05Fred Taylor?

  And the next game, I got a lot more than I can handle. You know what I'm saying? So that'll speak for itself, your talent is gonna always speak for itself. You just gotta show up.

• 44:13Channing Crowder?

  You know, people that play offense, that's the, the reason y'all play offense, because y'all the passers.

• 44:18Fred Taylor?

  But nah, but you don't wanna be a P. Madonna, look around the league.

• 44:22Ryan Clark?

  Freddy, I'm telling you, y'all are passive.

• 44:24Fred Taylor?

  Do you want to be one of those guys?

• 44:26Ryan Clark?

  Pleasant guys. Yeah.

• 44:27Fred Taylor?

  You don't want to be one of those guys in the locker room that's known as the asshole or the crybaby. You're not getting your touches. I've never wanted to be that guy because my play, I'm competitive as hell. And that's going to supersede me, it's going to speak before I even see the coach. They know what time it is.

• 44:44Ryan Clark?

  Right.

• 44:44Fred Taylor?

  So, keep doing what you're doing.

• 44:46Ryan Clark?

  You know, we talked earlier, you know, and I made sure to say that every day you have to get up and win. When you wake up every morning, do you set a goal of who Darren Waller is going to be that day?

• 45:01Speaker 03

  I write journals, I write affirmations, I try to keep certain words and certain like principles in what I do. More so like, like just being honest, being of service to other people. Maintaining faith no matter what circumstances look like. And I feel like if those things are, you know, in the fiber of my being for that day, like I feel like good things are going to happen. You know, I don't try to overcomplicate it or, you know, set goals like that really. I just feel like it's like, how am I going to keep improving? How am I going to keep going down this road and making sure that, you know, this becomes a permanent part of my character?

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Not needing to change the way that I feel or get the instant gratification that came from, you know, the disease that I have. Like, I'm somebody that wants things to happen right now. Like, I'm going to get high right now and feel how I want to feel now. So, I can take that into other areas of my life and that's not a good part of my character. When I force things to happen, that's when things go bad. And, you know, I just try to trust God's will in every area of my life and like see how can I position myself in a way that I'm in alignment with that? And just go from there.

• 46:13Fred Taylor?

  August 11, 2017, was that the biggest pivot in your life?

• 46:18Speaker 03

  Easily, easily. Like, before then, there was no like, thinking about any kind of legacy or thinking I'm going to be the best player on the team. I mean, I was dropping that. Every pass they was throwing to me before then like.

• 46:30Ryan Clark?

  Hard when you high, bro.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's just like, and out there when you like, alright, don't drop this, don't drop this, don't drop this like. So it's like, from, that shift from there allowed me to enter into a new world. A new way of thinking, a new way of just living and believing. That, you know, allows me to move with confidence now and just, you know, look other people in the eye because I feel good about the way that I'm living.

• 46:52Fred Taylor?

  I'm a fan, bro. What you do on the field, in your life, I'm a huge fan, I'm rooting for you.

• 46:58Ryan Clark?

  We appreciate you, my guy.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Alright, sir.

• 46:59Ryan Clark?

  Thank you, fam.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  You're welcome.

• 47:00Ryan Clark?

  Yes, sir, bro.

• 47:02Fred Taylor?

  All love, baby.

• 47:03Ryan Clark?

  Yes, sir. Hey, that was amazing, man. Thank you so much.

• 47:06Speaker 03

  That's proud.