886 Lewis’ Biggest Lessons and Regrets of 2019

DECLARE YOUR VISION. The end of the year is time to reflect on where you’ve been and where you’re going. I’m using this episode to share my biggest lessons and regrets from 2019. One of the most significant changes for me this year was in my romantic life. I went from being in a relationship that wasn’t working to being with someone who is a force multiplier in my life. I had to be aware of my relationship patterns to break them. Are you taking the time to investigate your past and envision your future? Or are you just going to work and coming home and putting on Netflix? It’s time to wake up to your dreams. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about the 13 lessons I learned this year. This has been a year of transition for me, and I’m so happy with where I am right now. I’ve gone all-in on love. I can’t wait to see what big things are around the corner. So get ready to learn the things I’ve learned this year on Episode 886. In This Episode You Will Learn: The top three episodes of the year (06:00) Why you need to kill your ego (8:00) How to invest in your closest friends (12:00) What I’ve learned from romantic relationships (20:00) The importance of mission statements (28:00) How I forgive people in my past (35:00) Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 886, my solo episode on the biggest lessons and regrets of 2019. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:34Lewis Howes?

  Joseph Campbell said, "Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again." Winston Churchill said, "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."

• 0:53Lewis Howes?

  Yes, yes, yes. My biggest lessons and regrets from 2019 and how you can apply them. I am pumped about this episode. Every year, I try to do a recap of the biggest lessons I've learned on my journey. From all the intimate experiences I go through, from the people I meet, the adventures I go on, the opportunities we take on, from business, life, relationships, everything. From my mindset training to physical training, to financial training, I try to put it all into one episode. And I think we've got a great recap for you because this has been a year that I will always remember.

• 1:34Lewis Howes?

  I'm getting a little emotional just when I said that because I think it's been one of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life.

• 1:44Lewis Howes?

  Wow, I didn't know I'd be this. I'm like, my body is reacting just as I started to talk about it of how emotional the entire year has been. And I want to...

• 1:56Lewis Howes?

  Share with you some, some interesting moments and statistics and things that happened this year. And then I'm gonna share with you the biggest lessons. And I've got 13, it looks like 13 big lessons. I'm sure there's more, but these are the ones that kind of came up to me as I was reflecting on the whole year, going back month by month. And I want to share these kind of big 13 lessons. And maybe there's some of the lessons that'll come up for me while I'm talking about this, but I've got 13 lessons. And I want to do a recap of some statistics and interesting things that happened. And I also want to let you know that I, you can text me. I've been texting with people over the last few weeks, and

• 2:37Lewis Howes?

  I guess almost a month now, where a couple thousand people have texted me, I'm sending messages back and forth, one on one. And I'm sending audio messages where I'm helping people be inspired, be motivated, and get them clear on their goals and on their vision, moving forward in their business, their life, their relationships. So you can text me and we can be a more intimate conversation. If you ever have a question, you can text me. And I don't get back to everyone, but I try to get back to a few people because there's hundreds of texts that I get a day over there. But I'm sending messages every single week. So if you want motivational messages, if you want to be inspired, if you want insights that are inside my mind in the moment that I can share out quickly,

• 3:20Lewis Howes?

  then shoot me a text right now, 614-350-3960. Just shoot me a text and let me know your biggest goal for 2020, the new year and a new decade, and the biggest challenge that's getting in your way from making that goal happen in your life. So text me, 614-350-3960. Again, do that right now. Text me your big goal for 2020 and the big challenge that's getting in the way. And I'm gonna help guide you along that process. And I'm excited about this. It's a way to be more intimately connected with you. And also, if you are looking to build your business and you want more mentorship and coaching from me,

• 4:05Lewis Howes?

  On how to grow your business, strategies for building your personal brand, strategies for generating more revenue, more sales, building your audience, all those different things. If you're an author, a speaker, a consultant, a freelancer, coach, then go to my Inner Mentorship Training, which is online every month. You get me and my team coaching the group on how to grow, showing you behind the scenes of what we're doing every single month. You can go there, lewishouse.com/innercircle, to be a part of that community. It's really powerful, and I want to see you a part of that group if you are looking to build your brand and your business and your audience. So, let's dive into this. Again,

• 4:44Lewis Howes?

  text me, 614-350-3960, and join the Inner Circle if you want to build your brand next year, lewishouse.com/innercircle. Okay, some interesting statistics. 2019, gosh, why is my heart so tingly right now? It's emotional, it's overwhelmed with joy, with gratitude, with appreciation, and with love. I remember setting out to do this podcast almost seven years ago. It was, we're a month away from it being a seven-year show, and I wanted to do one episode and get one person to listen. And I remember saying to myself, if one person

• 5:27Lewis Howes?

  listens to this, and it changes their life, and it improves their life, and it helps them reach something greater in their life, and live bigger and love deeper, then it was worth it. And I remember saying, like, I wonder what it would be like to get to, you know, 100 million downloads. And episode one came out almost seven years ago, and we got one download, right? And I didn't know what I was doing. I had no clue, and I still feel like I'm still learning and growing every single day. And we crossed the 100 million download mark this year, and we actually just crossed 150 million downloads as well. So, it's crazy to reflect that, you know, something I started as a dream and an idea to help one person has now reached 100 million downloads and 150

• 6:12Lewis Howes?

  million downloads this year at the same time. I wanted to do a recap to see what were the most powerful episodes of this year? What impacted you the most? And based on the numbers and downloads and things like that? The three biggest shows of the year. One was with Ben Shapiro on problem solving in life and business. That did extremely well. One, we got Ben to open up and share intimate, vulnerable things that he's never shared before. That his audience was kind of freaking out that he was really opening up that way. And it was a really powerful interview. The second most popular show was with Robin Sharma, Master Your Heart and Mind.

• 6:53Lewis Howes?

  He came on at a time where I was really seeking some, some wisdom, some feedback, some advice on personal things in my life. And it was really powerful, I think, because I was super vulnerable and so was he. And it was just kind of right timing and master your heart and mind. And then the third most powerful was Jason Silva, Break the Cycle of Fear and Doubt. For some reason, fear and doubt is something that people are constantly living with. And I don't know if it's the constant pressure from social media of comparing yourself to everyone, all your friends. It's like, we used to not have social media and we'd only compare ourselves to like our

• 7:34Lewis Howes?

  neighbors or the kids at school who had the new backpack or the cool shoes. But now we compare ourselves to millions of people every single day when we just turn on our phone and look at Instagram. So I think this anxiety, this overwhelming feeling of fear and doubt cripples a lot of people. And I'm excited because that's going to be the topic of my next book is about how to eliminate self doubt, because I believe that's the killer of all dreams. Just a quick recap of the most powerful top 10. David Goggins was in there, Rachel Hollis, Marissa Peer. We had Stefan Speaks on Love and Relationships, Michael Beckwith, he was a big one. Joe Dispenza, who came back on for the second time, crushed it.

• 8:17Lewis Howes?

  And David Bach, all about finances. We have done some amazing things this year. It's been crazy year, right? Crazy, crazy year. We had our fourth annual Summit of Greatness. We're doing a full redesign of LewisHowes.com. You know, some people on the team transitioned into, you know, being mothers and doing other things and we brought on new people on the team. It's just a lot. I've traveled, I've been to Mexico City fifteen times this year. I've been to Israel, Luxembourg, Brazil, Puerto Rico, London, all over the country. And went to Fiji. I mean, we went all over the place, right? So I've been traveling a ton. This year has been the year of transition.

• 9:02Lewis Howes?

  And I'll be talking about that through these thirteen lessons. But it's been the year of transition for me and reflection and growth, big time growth. So let's talk about lesson number one. For me, kill your ego. Your ego is not your friend. The need to have people like me and control the narrative of how people thought of me. And you is out of our control. When someone tries to bring you down, how you react and respond in that situation in life is key, is everything. And earlier in the year, I had a situation where someone and someones were

• 9:44Lewis Howes?

  online bullying me, shaming me, publicly spreading lots of nasty stuff about me. And it was a challenge because I wanted to control the narrative at first. I was like, wait a minute, but these things aren't true and this isn't right and this isn't fair. And you know, these other things happened, like no one knows the context, all these different things. And I wanted to control the narrative and I realized, wow, I've got to kill my ego. I've got to let it go. I cannot control the narrative of what people think or what they want to say. I can only control how I respond to a situation and how I feel about a situation and how I act and how I think. So killing my ego was a huge lesson and it gives me so much more peace.

• 10:28Lewis Howes?

  It gives me so much more freedom. Because when you are trying to be in control of everything, when you're trying to have this, I am...

• 10:39Lewis Howes?

  I don't know, it was like, I felt the need, I had this pressure on my chest to feel the need to try to project something, still, right? And I think we always need reminders to, you know, say, no, this is not about you, this is about something greater, being in service and finding humility. And when I killed the ego, it was like the greatest thing. And that was probably the scariest thing I had to do. But it was the greatest gift the world gave me. And I'm so grateful for the people who publicly shamed me and spread rumors and lies and talked behind my back and doubted me and questioned me. I'm like, at first, I was pissed, and now I'm super grateful. I'm like, what a gift this situation gave me.

• 11:22Lewis Howes?

  What a experience of freedom. Like, I am free of the opinions, I'm free of judgment. And I think that was something that always held me back. And I was able to, you know, overcome it at different levels over the years. And I'm sure I'm gonna need to do it again, you know, in the future. And every day, right? Letting go of that ego. But it was a great, I felt more peace than ever before. But I had to go through a crazy death of the ego first. So that was a big one. And I recommend killing your ego as quick as you can, so that it doesn't kill you. The number two lesson is discover who your closest friends are and invest more time in them.

• 12:03Lewis Howes?

  You know, when this situation occurred, I went through a breakup and in a relationship that was off and on and in and out of therapy. And, you know, it was never working. It was never working, it was never meant to be. And, but she was a, you know, good person, I was a good person, we tried to make it work, and it wasn't working. I lacked the emotional courage to end it sooner, and that was my, my responsibility and my fault. But what I realized is after all this kind of public shaming of the breakup, you know, of who did what and what happened. First off, never publicly talk about your breakups in the future, that's another lesson, online.

• 12:44Lewis Howes?

  Like, your intimate relationship should not be shared online about how it's broken up, or who did what, or there's, no one has context, no one knows the intimate details of your relationship. So, talk about your relationship for sure if you want to, online, when you're together, but don't say nasty things about someone online. It's more of a reflection of you. Sharing those things than it is of them because no one actually knows the context. So that'd be another lesson. But during that time, I discovered who my closest friends were. Because for years, I had been helping so many different people. I'd been helping people get on stages and have them on my show and help them with their book launches

• 13:25Lewis Howes?

  and and reach out and text them and and coached them on different things for years. And there were so many people that kind of, in a sense, betrayed me. In a sense, um, you know, didn't reach out to say, hey, how are you feeling from all these attacks and people bullying you and shaming you? How how are you feeling? There were so many people that were jumping on the bandwagon to try to, you know, attack me or say something negative or whatever it may be. And I was just like, really? You and you and you like, really? I've helped you for years and you don't even ask me first to check in? How are you feeling? Or ask me like, is this even true? Is it not true?

• 14:09Lewis Howes?

  Is there anything I can do for you? And so I really found out who my closest friends were because the true leaders in the world actually reached out to me and actually connected with me and actually asked questions in a nonjudgmental way and gave me great feedback and gave me love and tough love and support and all these different things. And I was like, wow, these are the people that I need to invest more time in. The people that actually cared, the people that actually showed up in a challenging time. Whereas when everything else is thriving and building and growing my life, everyone was jumping on and trying to have a piece of me and always ask for something from me.

• 14:52Lewis Howes?

  But when there was a moment of adversity, who was actually there? Those people I will always be grateful for and remember. And I'm not saying you need to. Put yourself through some ego death publicly to figure out who your friends are. But really evaluate, who are your closest friends? Who are they? And invest more time in them. Because those are the people that are going to be there for you when you go through challenging times. And I was in shock by some of the friends who didn't reach out to me, still haven't reached out to me, and who have publicly said a lot of negative things about me after years of supporting them, giving to them, and never asking for anything from them. So you might be shocked of actually who your close friends are.

• 15:37Lewis Howes?

  The people you think are close won't be close in a moment of adversity and it'll wake you up big time.

• 15:48Lewis Howes?

  And now let's get back into my next lesson.

• 15:54Lewis Howes?

  The next lesson, number three, is evaluate your values. Evaluate, I've been helped coaching people over the last few months of this. Like if you are married with kids, create a list of values together as a family. Put it up on the wall. Frame it right when you walk in so that you guys are all aligned to your values. Write a list of five to 10 values for your family, for your intimate life, your personal life, your relationship, your career, your business. Like have a list. They can be different for your business versus your family, but they should be very similar across the board. So create a list of your values and evaluate. Is this valuable to me anymore?

• 16:38Lewis Howes?

  Does this work for me? Or do I need to change this value?

• 16:43Lewis Howes?

  There is a quote from CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, that said, "And at some point, you recognize the reason we are all here is to help somebody else. That is the sole reason we are here. You're here in service of other people. It's not about you." So for me, I think about service as one of my values. Because at the end of the day, when you talk to people that have been there, done that, made their billions, had multiple grandkids, it's all about service. So don't wait to serve later. Focus on service and giving now.

• 17:21Lewis Howes?

  Fourth lesson, clarity is key. Clarity is key. Clarity will bring you freedom, my friend. And I think for years, I felt trapped because I didn't have clarity in certain intimate relationships, in certain direction of my business, in certain challenges I was going through. And so I felt stuck in certain areas and I felt unable to make decisions because I didn't have the full clarity. So gain clarity in everything you can and cut things out quickly. Don't drag things on, cut them out quickly. So get clarity for your relationships, your routines, your workouts, everything, the vision for your life, business.

• 18:07Lewis Howes?

  And you gain clarity by seeing the future 10 years out. So I would, I did an exercise recently on my mastermind with Rory Vaden, who was there, where we wrote down the feeling, the experience, the environment of where we will be in 10 years.

• 18:28Lewis Howes?

  Who I'm going to be surrounded with, who's in my life, what am I working on, how am I serving? How much money do I have? All these different things. And I want you to do that right now by writing out a 10-year vision. It can be one page of paper, it can be three pages, but write out what is it you want? Who do you want to become in 10 years? When you have that vision, then you start to ask yourself, well, why am I doing this thing right now? If it doesn't fulfill a 10-year vision, I need to start going on a different path now to get there quicker. So get clarity on everything in your life. It will bring you peace. Number five, don't resist magic and love. So I haven't talked about this publicly about, you know, I went through a breakup at the end of last year.

• 19:12Lewis Howes?

  And I haven't talked about any of it. I haven't talked about the details of it. I haven't talked about all that stuff. And now's not the time to talk about it, but I went through a breakup and then I met someone a couple of months later, very fast. And I remember I was in a relationship for, for years and again, we were together, we had broken up. We had gotten back together, broken up, been in therapy for months, all this stuff, right? It just wasn't working. And

• 19:43Lewis Howes?

  I remember after the breakup telling myself, okay,

• 19:48Lewis Howes?

  you obviously need some work, you obviously need to like relax and be in a relationship. And it's just time to have fun, like be single, have fun, connect with people, travel, and do not get into a relationship. Like whatever you do, Louis, do not get into a relationship. Give yourself six months, give yourself a year, like heal, relax, breathe, all these different things. And it was funny because it's, isn't it interesting that when you try to like make your own plans, sometimes the universe or God has a better plan for you. And so I meet this incredible woman,

• 20:24Lewis Howes?

  who

• 20:26Lewis Howes?

  we had connected with uh online a couple of months later and and just started messaging and started started texting each other and you know, calling and FaceTiming. Um, and then after a few weeks of that, she was like, I really want to meet you. And I said, hey, I'll meet you, but I'm not getting into a relationship. So let's just connect and meet up and you know, no stress. And uh, she said, yeah, that's fine. And then in the first five minutes of meeting me, she goes, you're mine forever. I go, you are crazy. I was like, what woman says this to a man in five minutes? And she was like, do you want to run away right now? And I go, kinda, but you have such incredible confidence that I've never experienced this. Let's,

• 21:11Lewis Howes?

  let's hang out for the weekend and see how this goes. And I tell you what, it was um, one of the most peaceful experiences. I mean, yes, there's like passion and all these other things, but past all that, it felt like this sense of peace that I'd never felt, meeting someone. And for months, we would talk and you know, connect every now and then. And I remember saying like, I don't want to be in a committed relationship. I don't want this. I do not want this. But I also Was just like, wow, this is pretty much my dream girl. Like, it is. And, or at least the idea of her is, until, you know, I find out otherwise if it's not, right?

• 21:55Lewis Howes?

  And I was just like, okay, Louis, you have a decision to make. You can go be single and you can go have fun and you can, you know, stroke your ego and, and live that lifestyle or whatever, and have no commitments and no responsibilities and all, yada, yada. Or you could actually be connecting with the love of your life, who could become this incredible partner that could multiply love in your heart, that could multiply your vision, that could multiply your life with fun and adventure and peace and comfort and all these things. And I'd never been in a relationship where someone actually multiplied my energy, or

• 22:37Lewis Howes?

  multiplied my vision, or multiplied my connection. They were always kind of like sucking the energy, taking, not confident, lacking financial resources, lacking direction, always insecure, and not supportive of my dreams. They were always taking, take, take, take, and never grateful. And so it was this challenge to, to not want to repeat the past, because I, and step, uh, lesson six is not repeating the pattern of the past relationships. Because I finally, after all this crap went down, I was finally like, okay, Louis, it's been 20 years of dating, right?

• 23:19Lewis Howes?

  You've had all these different relationships, many relationships for a year, two years, four years, um, you know, all these different types of relationships over 20 years. And what do they all have in common? They all have in common is that they didn't work out, and you are the common denominator. So you are responsible for choosing these relationships, for being in these relationships, and staying in the relationships. And most of them did not work out well, you know, whether I ended them or they ended them, they didn't end up well. And I was just like, what do they all have in common? What is the thing they all have in common? And I finally started to have moments of clarity and reflection.

• 24:03Lewis Howes?

  Is that, wow, Lewis, you have been doing, repeating the same pattern and going after the same type of woman in a different outfit over and over. And those three things that all the women had in common. And listen, all these women are beautiful women, nice women. I think they all have great intentions, great hearts. So I'm not here to like, say bad things about anyone. But it was kind of this common theme. And the three things they all had in common was they were all extremely attractive and beautiful. I was just so in awe of their beauty and their physical attraction and beautiful hearts. Right? I just was attracted to it.

• 24:42Lewis Howes?

  The second thing is they all had a beautiful gift or talent that I saw in them that they could give the world. And I was just like mesmerized by their gifts and talents. And the third thing is the thing that I never knew until after the, I had this moment to reflect, is that none of them believed they're beautiful, sexy, and none of them believed that their gifts, that they were talented. And they all lacked the confidence. And I finally was able to reflect and be like, wow, okay, what is it that was missing inside of me that needed to find these girls who were, you know, living at home or broke or always doubted themselves.

• 25:27Lewis Howes?

  Whenever I said, you're beautiful, you're so talented, they would say, no, I'm not. I'm ugly, I'm this, I'm not good looking, I don't have talent. And I'm like, what are you talking about? You were, because I would see the masterpiece in all these women. And they just lacked the confidence, they had the insecurity. And well, for whatever reason, that was like a, wow, this is a place where I can go and and help people grow and, you know, this is what I do and I'm gonna build this person up and give them the confidence that they deserve, that they should be having because they're so beautiful and they're so talented. And for whatever reason, that was my pattern of like jumping into like, I don't know if that's

• 26:07Lewis Howes?

  a rescue thing, or if that's a needing to feel, you know, validated by my talents, you know, whatever it is. Obviously, it was something lacking within me to, and insecurity in me, to be attracting partners like that. I finally had a moment to reflect, and if you're going through a breakup, or you went through one, I hope you take a moment to reflect on your pattern, because we all have a pattern. And I said to myself, okay, if I'm going to get in a relationship in the future, it's going to be the complete opposite of every person I've been with. They're still gonna be beautiful, they're still gonna be talented, but they're

• 26:47Lewis Howes?

  gonna be so confident, they're gonna be so supportive, they're gonna give me energy as opposed to always needing me to help them and coach them and help them grow. They're gonna be financially independent, because every person I've been with has needed my financial support on, you know, paying for things, on trips, on food, on adventures, whatever it may be. And there was just, they didn't have, they didn't have an independence, a total independence, they always needed something. And there was a sense of resentment eventually that would build up. And I was like, okay, well, this is all my fault, it's all my responsibility for staying in these relationships, and for creating these relationships.

• 27:32Lewis Howes?

  So, I can't blame any of these women, I blame myself. I take full responsibility, full ownership in everything that I've done, because I was the one who was insecure, I was the one who was lacking and needed validation by helping someone grow. And what a big lesson that was for me. But I realized, I was like, I'm not repeating the past pattern in a relationship. And I hope you don't repeat the past, because this year has been so abundant. When you are with someone who...

• 28:07Lewis Howes?

  Adds to your life, who is a force multiplier in your life. Like I see relationships differently now for the first time where I used to be afraid of them and afraid of commitment. Because I would repeat the pattern where they wouldn't work out and I would feel like they would take my time and energy from me. And this one is just giving, giving, giving, giving. And we're both in our giving nature, it just multiplies. So not repeating the pattern of the past. And step, lesson seven would be getting clear on your mission statement. When you get clear on your mission statement, you won't repeat this pattern. We've been obsessing over clarity of this for my business and for my life.

• 28:50Lewis Howes?

  You should have one sentence that is the statement of the mission of your life. Do you have that right now? If you do, message me, send me a text and message me, this is my mission in one sentence. Again, text me at 6143503960 or send me a DM on Instagram. But write your mission statement down for your career. Write it down for your life and

• 29:19Lewis Howes?

  give your energy and attention to this. It'll help you make better decisions when you're clear on your mission. When you're not clear on your mission, you'll say yes to a bunch of stuff that maybe doesn't work out. Number eight, focusing energy to go all in on one thing. Who, man, over the years, I have done so many different things in my business, right? And in my personal life, I mean, we have done every different business model. We have tried every different thing in online marketing and live events and courses and memberships and coaching and masterminds. New York Times bestsellers and podcasts and, um, you know, merch and all these different things. We've tried it and now the goal is to focus more of our attention on one main thing.

• 30:01Lewis Howes?

  And maximize that to its full potential, then start branching out on other things. So we're doing that with the podcast this year. We're pausing certain things in the business and going all in on the podcast. The goal is to make this the most inspirational podcast in the world. To double our downloads per episode and try to impact as many people as possible. So the lesson is to Not spread yourself too thin by doing so many things until you've gone all in on the one thing that can support everything else in the future. That is the key and lesson for me. Lesson number nine, structure is key. Again, traveled 15 times to Mexico City, went to Israel, Luxembourg, Turkey, Spain,

• 30:42Lewis Howes?

  London, Puerto Rico, Brazil, New York City three times, West Point, Myrtle Beach, Ohio, San Diego, Fiji, Vermont, North Carolina. We have traveled all over the place. And some months I had structure and other times I didn't with all the travel. So finding accountability, I was just at the gym this morning by myself and I was just like, why do I go to the gym alone when I know that when I'm with someone else, I always show up on time better and work harder and always put in more effort. Accountability is key for everything in your life. You've got to have it, setting up with a coach or a partner to support you to stay on track. It's key, especially when you're traveling and not in your rhythm. Structure, structure, structure.

• 31:25Lewis Howes?

  Number 10, power of environment. Your physical space is everything. I've realized this, I was in a place for six years and there was constant drilling above me, next to me, below me, construction, and it was starting to eat me alive. And I finally just said, I can't take it anymore, I gotta get out. You're right, it was a nice space, great location, I was trying to hold on to it, complaining about the drilling, but sometimes you can't complain about your environment, you've just got to change it. You either got to accept it or change it to create an environment of peace, of flourishing, and of abundance and love. So I decided to make a change. I moved, again, this is the year of transition.

• 32:10Lewis Howes?

  I moved into a A nicer apartment with a bigger view, incredible amenities, a great gym, a lap pool, hot tub, outdoor pool, indoor pool. I mean, free breakfast every morning. I was like, if I can design my life what I want, I want convenience, I want a feeling of abundance, I want to be around thriving individuals. And I found a place in LA that has this incredible view, looking at the mountains, see the ocean, and I'm surrounded by leaders who are impacting the world. And I made the change, and it cost a lot more money, and I questioned it, but the week I moved in, I was like, wow, what a great decision. I also changed my environment.

• 32:55Lewis Howes?

  I've got a new office for the podcast studio. We're building that out. We're looking to level up with the environment. And you've got to do that with your physical space, your workspace, and everything around you. The power of environment will help you thrive. Don't stay in a toxic environment in a relationship, because it will shrink you. Don't stay in a physical environment, because you're trying to save a little bit here and there. It will shrink you. You've got to cultivate an environment that will empower you to grow. It's hard to be in a desert environment and expect things to grow. So what relationship is a desert?

• 33:39Lewis Howes?

  Where there's no water, there's no giving, there's no life. Get out of the desert. Get out of the deserts of your life, and go enter a rainforest that allows you to flourish, grow, breathe, have peace, with this tranquil water, where there's birds chirping, and with this, you know, plants growing. That's what you need to do. Create a powerful environment for yourself. Number 11, forgive everyone, including yourself. Oh, man. But how do you forgive people that hurt you? How do you forgive people that attack you, that bully you, that try to take you down, that try to say nasty things about you, that lie, that do all these different things? Like, how do you forgive them? How do you forgive past

• 34:24Lewis Howes?

  relationships, friends, family members, work members? If people have taken advantage of you, stolen from you, how do you forgive? Well, holding on to hurt only hurts you and your dreams. Holding on to anger, resentment, hurt and pain only hurts you in your dreams.

• 34:46Lewis Howes?

  So you've got to learn a process to let go so you can set yourself free from pain and sickness. Because when you hold on to anger and resentment of someone else, you're causing pain and sickness in yourself, not in them. So this year, I've done a lot of therapy. I've done a lot of family therapy calls to help heal past pain. This was helpful. I did rituals. I wrote letters to people that I felt have hurt me over the years. And I didn't send them to them, but I wrote them. And I put pen to paper and said, here's all the things that I'm grateful for about you. Here's the things that you did that hurt me.

• 35:28Lewis Howes?

  And I appreciate the lesson that I'm learning from this situation. And I'm forgiving you and letting it go. I would write these over and over again. I would burn the letters. I would bury them. To create ceremonies for myself to end suffering, to end resentment from a person and set myself free. It's not setting them free from saying it's okay what they did. It's not saying like, oh, I forgive you. It's okay. You can hurt me again. No. It's not saying I need to be in their life. No. It's setting myself free. From releasing it, from having compassion for them, because when you step into someone else's shoes and

• 36:13Lewis Howes?

  really see why they did something, then you start to have perspective and compassion, even if it hurt and how painful it is. It allows you to set yourself free. And there are a lot of people holding on to pain from the past that they've never talked about. This is why I wrote a book, The Mask of Masculinity, because

• 36:32Lewis Howes?

  um, I think the stat is 80% of the suicides on a daily basis are men. And men aren't talking about their past pain enough. And it's killing them, literally killing them with suicide, drugs, addiction, everything.

• 36:49Lewis Howes?

  And when we forgive ourselves, forgive other people through these processes, through these therapies, through these therapeutic experiences, it allows us to heal from the past and it sets us free from the pain and sickness. So forgive everyone, including yourself. Number 12, team energy. Make sure you have the right people on your team. Again, I've learned about who are more of the right people in my life than I'm spending more quality time with and purging the relationships that were taking up time and that weren't life giving when I was giving to them. And you gotta find out who's gonna be on your team. This is the year of getting clarity of your team from your personal friendships to your your business relationships and what's gonna help you grow to the next level.

• 37:34Lewis Howes?

  So get clear on team energy and just don't spend time with people that are constantly holding you back. Have a conversation with them, try to shift their relationship. You know, don't cut people out of your life until you really talk about it and try to work through it and go through that process.

• 37:51Lewis Howes?

  But don't keep people around if they're constantly hurting you and they're not willing to shift. And number 13, this is something that I think is really important, that I think a lot of people miss out on, is having more fun. The lesson is to have more fun. There's a lot of darkness, there's a lot of hatred, there's a lot of people trying to take people down and bullying and shaming and judgment and comparison and stress and worry and all these different things that are happening.

• 38:20Lewis Howes?

  But we unfortunately had, you know, someone who I interviewed on the School of Greatness podcast, Shawn Stevenson, who was an inspiration to millions of people around the world. He passed away this year and it was so sad how he died. We did a little video in honor of him at the Summit of Greatness and I got super emotional because he'd just passed away the week before. And I was just reflecting on how much love he brings to so many people and his mission and his energy and his passion.

• 38:53Lewis Howes?

  And life is very short. We don't know when our last day will be. And all this stress and worry, what's it for? What's it for? We should be cultivating fun every day. We should be laughing more. We should be enjoying our life. We're here to enjoy, to create, to love. And to have fun. Laughter heals, my friend. Laughter brings peace. Laughter brings relief. Have fun. It's not all work, work, work. Go on adventures. Do things you say you want to do. You know, my friend Jesse Isler does like fifty or a hundred things he wants to learn every year. It's like his, you know, what, he's got a big calendar and he writes down all these things. I want to learn

• 39:38Lewis Howes?

  all these different activities and go on these trips and have fun and squeeze the juice out of life. You know, don't just go on repeat of like, work hard, get home, turn on Netflix, go to sleep and just work hard. Be a person that adds joy to other people's lives. And you'll always be remembered in their heart. Uh, you never know when it's our last day, so have more fun. These are my thirteen or so, I probably added a few lessons in there, but these are my thirteen lessons. My biggest lessons and regrets from 2019 and how you can apply them moving forward. We have a big year ahead. 2020 is not only a new year, but it's a new decade, a whole new decade to declare what your vision is for ten years out.

• 40:23Lewis Howes?

  Visualize, where do you want to be at 2030? It's New Year's Eve 2029. Who are you hugging and kissing? Who's surrounding you? What have you contributed to the world? What gifts have you given to people around you? What's the dream that's been buried inside of your heart that has come alive? And has been created in the world? Who have you become? What are you most proud of? You know, what are the promises you've kept to yourself? Or is it ten years out and you still haven't written that first chapter in the book you want to write? Have you still been afraid of speaking publicly and you've never given a speech and told your story?

• 41:08Lewis Howes?

  Have you not launched that idea? Did you not go back to school? Did you not ask that person out? Did you not end that relationship? And you stayed in a ten-year rut of doubt and insecurity?

• 41:21Lewis Howes?

  And anxiety and worry, did you let your life slip away? Or did you let your dreams come to life? I want you to write that vision, write it right now. 10 years, vision, where am I? How much money do I have? What have I contributed to the world? What's the big idea that I'm adding to people? What's my family look like? How's my physical health? Where am I at emotionally and mentally? What are the skills I've cultivated and learned and mastered in 10 years? I want you to text me right now, 614-350-3960. And tell me your biggest goal of next year? And the biggest challenge getting in your way?

• 42:05Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna be texting you secret messages every week. To anyone who signs up for that. It's a free service. It's my texting community. It's for ways for me to get more intimately connected to you and send these inspirational messages once a week. Biggest lessons and regret 2019. What's your big lesson? What's your big regret? Send me a message on Instagram, let me know. @lewishouse. I'm going big next year, guys. This has been the year of transition. This has been the year of going all in on love and cultivating amazing partnership and love. And man, I feel like just so excited for the lessons.

• 42:50Lewis Howes?

  The humbling of killing the ego lessons to the growth of my heart and love and compassion for humanity. And I think, um, big things are coming. And I'm so excited to live this life. I just, I just, sometimes I look out the window. And I just ask myself, wow. You get to experience all this, all the magic of life. You get to own it, taste it, experience it, feel it, create it. What an abundant life. And what a magical gift you were given. For whatever reason, your parents decided to create you. And God, the creator of the world and the universe, decided to create this environment

• 43:35Lewis Howes?

  for us to play in.

• 43:38Lewis Howes?

  And what a blessing and gift it is that we get to be here at this time during this moment. And it's just crazy. If we just reflect on the gratitude of that every day, life would be so much more different. We've got some big things ahead, guys. Join me. I hope you'll be a part of this journey next year as we're going all in on the School of Greatness podcast, looking to build it up and make it as big as possible. If this is your first time here, please subscribe, leave a review. Let us know how we can make it better. Your subscription, your reviews, they help spread the message. And we really want to try to help as many people as possible in double the growth of the podcast from this year to next year. We're at 150 million downloads.

• 44:23Lewis Howes?

  We want to double that, guys. We want to get there next year. But I need your help. I need your support. We're going to be changing up formats. We're going to be doing audio masterclasses on specific topics, giving you the definitive guide to certain topics on audio. It's going to be an amazing year. I'm going to get bigger and bigger icons, experts to come and share their lessons and their stories and their strategies. It's going to be a year to remember. 2020 is coming hot, coming in fresh. And if you haven't been to our annual event Summit of Greatness, go to summitsofgreatness.com. This will be our fifth annual event where people come from around the world to celebrate and learn how to take their life to the next level. Go to summitsofgreatness.com for that.

• 45:07Lewis Howes?

  Early bird, you can still get in. Text me, 614-350-3960. Text me right now. And it's going to be a big year. I want to see what you declare and what you deliver. Again, a big thank you to our sponsors today. Very grateful for netsuite.com/greatness. Again, get your free guide on the seven strategies to grow your profits at netsuite.com/greatness. You need accountability with your fitness. I'm telling you, I'm a motivated, dedicated, committed person. And when I travel, I need that accountability. Otherwise, I get off track. Go check out Les Mills On Demand. They are game changers and have a huge global community with so many workouts that...

• 45:50Lewis Howes?

  Are for any and all fitness levels and new workouts added each week. Check out trylesmills.com/greatness. You can try it 21 days for free access to their fitness app. It's a game changer. Get it right now. It's free for 21 days. Trylesmills.com/greatness and paulfrederick.com/greatness. Guys, get yourself the gift of some nice looking shirts for yourself to look cleaner at work. When you go to conferences, when you're taking meetings, these will pop and make you stand out. Ladies, get these for the men in your life. Paulfrederick.com/greatness to receive $50 off any shirt. P A U L F R E D R I C K dot com slash greatness. That's it.

• 46:34Lewis Howes?

  I love you guys so very much. I hope you enjoyed this special solo episode of my biggest lessons and regrets of 2019. Winston Churchill said, "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give." You know what time it is? Time to go out there and do something great.