Ari Shaffir & Whose Poo Was It?

Ari Shaffir returns to TigerBelly and immediately demands the truth out of Bobby. We chat bombing texts, mysterious human poo, Byron Allen, Big Bang Theory auditions, peeing on cars, green room behavior, and Comedy Store legends. Limited Time Offer – You Need Fiber. Yes you! Boost your fiber with Huel today using my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code TIGERBELLY at https://www.huel.com/TIGERBELLY. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com http://www. Klarna.com to learn more For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.him.com/belly http://www.him.com/belly That’s helixsleep.com/TigerBelly for 27% Off Sitewide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:37Bobby Lee?

  I'm in rage. Yeah. All I know is there's poo on my hand.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  In a place where there's never been poo really in the whole country.

• 1:46Bobby Lee?

  Quickly, I went, "It's human."

• 2:21Bobby Lee?

  Good to see you.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  I'm the Palestinian one.

• 2:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  What's going on, guys?

• 2:27Speaker 04

  Nothing much, how are you?

• 2:30Speaker 03

  What's happening?

• 2:32Speaker 04

  What are you drinking?

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Mate.

• 2:34Bobby Lee?

  Mate.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 2:36Bobby Lee?

  The, uh, beverage of the Jew.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  Is that a real thing?

• 2:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, where did that happen?

• 2:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 2:45Bobby Lee?

  Straight from Jacob.

• 2:48Bobby Lee?

  There's a line that goes down. And he drank the fuck out of that.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  Really?

• 2:52Bobby Lee?

  And they love it, yeah, yeah.

• 2:55Speaker 03

  Who's his crew?

• 2:56Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 2:56Speaker 03

  I don't know, who's his new crew?

• 2:58Bobby Lee?

  You don't, you don't know, well, you know Gilbert?

• 3:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  That's George.

• 3:01Bobby Lee?

  You remember George?

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:03Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 3:03Speaker 00

  This guy likes Beatles, he doesn't know Alex.

• 3:07Bobby Lee?

  The girl right here is Kat, she has a boil on her forehead.

• 3:09Speaker 04

  What? Oh, here?

• 3:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that, I like it, and what's the name?

• 3:15Speaker 05

  Ooh, I like that.

• 3:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, let's name your boil.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Why, why do we gotta name my boil?

• 3:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  They not boil.

• 3:23Bobby Lee?

  Let's play the game.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Susan.

• 3:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 04

  Oh, I, I was gonna call-

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Man, but from the side, it goes way out.

• 3:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it goes way out, fajito.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  Fajito?

• 3:32Bobby Lee?

  Fajito.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Short for fajita, because it's all burnt.

• 3:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, fajito.

• 3:36Speaker 04

  How about little nipple, like?

• 3:37Bobby Lee?

  Little nipple, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you?

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Let's see, let me think.

• 3:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  How about boss bump?

• 3:44Bobby Lee?

  Boss bump?

• 3:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:45Bobby Lee?

  Boss bump?

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:47Bobby Lee?

  Is that what you said?

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:48Bobby Lee?

  Really good, dude.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Boss bump, I like it.

• 3:50Bobby Lee?

  Like, uh, BB.

• 3:51Speaker 05

  Yeah?

• 3:52Bobby Lee?

  Netanyahu.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  And when you bomb it, you can't breathe, it's Palestinian.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  And it has begun.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  Here it goes.

• 4:00Bobby Lee?

  The war between, the war between Ramsey and Ari.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Pick nipple, pick the pimples, it would be over by now.

• 4:06Bobby Lee?

  It would be over with, yeah.

• 4:07Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 4:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm sorry for bringing that up. I mean, well, yeah, I did, because, you know what she said to me Monday?

• 4:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:15Bobby Lee?

  So we do podcast Monday and she texts me.

• 4:19Bobby Lee?

  Did you not? She, Ramsey, check this out.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 4:22Bobby Lee?

  She texts me, "I'm sorry you bombed today."

• 4:25Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  No.

• 4:26Bobby Lee?

  She goes, "But, you know, I'll do better next time."

• 4:29Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 4:30Bobby Lee?

  Right? And she meant to say, "I'm sorry I bombed today."

• 4:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:34Bobby Lee?

  But I read it as "you," because that's what she said.

• 4:36Speaker 05

  Hey, sure.

• 4:37Bobby Lee?

  Right? And I didn't respond to her because I had to ruminate about it two hours to see if I did bomb.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  That's so bawfing.

• 4:44Bobby Lee?

  No, I thought I did good. I thought I did good. And then she's like, "I'm sorry that you bombed."

• 4:49Speaker 03

  That's what he says when he gets a bobby, you just go, "You didn't do well." Like, "What? Oh, man, I didn't." Yeah, I didn't.

• 4:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:55Speaker 04

  It was like six hours and I was like, "Really? You never messaged me back?" And then I reread it and I was like...

• 5:00Speaker 03

  He was sip, he was so mad.

• 5:02Bobby Lee?

  I was so mad.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 5:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:04Speaker 03

  It was a tough crowd, you don't know.

• 5:06Bobby Lee?

  No, we had fucking, uh...

• 5:07Speaker 05

  Simon.

• 5:08Bobby Lee?

  Simon Helberg on, from Big Bang Theory, it was real pleasant.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  He did stand-up?

• 5:12Bobby Lee?

  No, he, he was here.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Oh, Bob's in this show.

• 5:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he did this show.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Which one's he? The one that shouldn't get laid?

• 5:18Bobby Lee?

  No, the one...

• 5:20Bobby Lee?

  The one that looks like Jerry Seinfeld a little bit.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 5:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can see that.

• 5:23Bobby Lee?

  Right? Like skinny, you have a, you're like a long-faced Jew.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  Long face, okay.

• 5:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  A bird.

• 5:29Bobby Lee?

  Which is what you want.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  A left ear.

• 5:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, why is it so long-faced?

• 5:33Speaker 05

  It's interesting, I want to know too.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  Sadness.

• 5:34Bobby Lee?

  Oh. It's sadness.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Here's some sadness.

• 5:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I know.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Oh, that one?

• 5:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, that one.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  Oh, I heard that guy tries to be like a, I have that same jacket. I heard that guy, um, tries to be like a hipster around town, like goes to all the art shows and stuff.

• 5:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, he is a hipster.

• 5:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Oh, yes.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Nope, nope.

• 5:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 5:48Bobby Lee?

  He is 100% hipster, dude.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  Not allowed anymore.

• 5:51Speaker 04

  More hipsters.

• 5:51Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, hipsters aren't allowed?

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Not, not once you've done this role.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  You're nerd for life.

• 5:57Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you think you're corporate?

• 5:58Speaker 03

  You're nerd for life.

• 5:58Bobby Lee?

  A corporate nerd.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Just nerd.

• 6:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're a nerd.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  You can never be accepted around cool people.

• 6:02Bobby Lee?

  That's an acting job.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  You call that an acting job?

• 6:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want, you would be on that show. You would shave your beard, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  Would I be on that show?

• 6:12Bobby Lee?

  So you think that he's a nerd then?

• 6:14Speaker 03

  Here, I'll do my impression of the show, say anything to me.

• 6:17Bobby Lee?

  I've never seen this, nobody.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Me neither.

• 6:19Bobby Lee?

  Well, hey, what do you think of the biology of this woman?

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Pi, 3.1.

• 6:25Bobby Lee?

  You think so? Laugh track, ah, right, billions of dollars.

• 6:31Speaker 03

  Let's do it.

• 6:32Bobby Lee?

  People love it, people love it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Slightly smaller Big Bang Theory.

• 6:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Ramsey would be on that show.

• 6:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 6:38Bobby Lee?

  As a tech.

• 6:39Speaker 05

  What is that even supposed to mean?

• 6:40Bobby Lee?

  You have a techie look.

• 6:42Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 6:43Bobby Lee?

  Do you think he has a techie look or no?

• 6:44Speaker 04

  Cause he's Middle Eastern?

• 6:46Speaker 03

  You need one of those like brown knit ties.

• 6:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  Got a wardrobe.

• 6:50Bobby Lee?

  But not techie in the sense that, you know those like complexes they're building? Like Meta and stuff in the Middle East?

• 6:57Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 6:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you'd be in charge of that.

• 6:58Speaker 05

  Can I just be in America or not?

• 7:00Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 7:02Bobby Lee?

  Absolutely not. You're in the desert, you're in charge of the water, keeping it cool, the system. You know? Don't you have to cool those systems out, those AI systems? Yeah, you're the water guy.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Start a lot of sentences with "in my village."

• 7:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then you could be a map.

• 7:17Speaker 04

  A what?

• 7:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because Iran, Iran, there's a lot of mountains and that boil.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  It's not a boil!

• 7:25Bobby Lee?

  Would be like a region of the map of Iran, yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:29Bobby Lee?

  And your ear is Hormuz Strait. Your ear, like right down your side is a Hormuz Strait, and that's the mountainous regions of.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, and the oil will be transferred, it's a pop, it's transferred straight down.

• 7:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, we're not trying to get political. Biblical or political.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  We'll do it our way.

• 7:47Bobby Lee?

  We'll do it our way, yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  What happened? What caused that?

• 7:53Bobby Lee?

  Let's focus on it.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Mostly oil, the US wants oil.

• 7:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or fuck you, wash your face.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  I wash my face!

• 8:00Bobby Lee?

  Okay, all right, was that mean?

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:03Bobby Lee?

  Is that mean?

• 8:04Speaker 04

  It's okay, I'll text you later that you bombed.

• 8:07Bobby Lee?

  I'm already bombing, but it's hardly noticeable.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  Well, it's now very noticeable.

• 8:14Bobby Lee?

  It is. Would you have noticed it?

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, would you have noticed it?

• 8:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, for sure.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Right away, not from behind?

• 8:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, not from behind, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, maybe 400 yards away, no?

• 8:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  In night?

• 8:24Bobby Lee?

  Sometimes when you take a photo with a girl and they're like, this is my good side, I go, your good side is just completely turned around.

• 8:32Bobby Lee?

  It's the back of your head. You know what I mean? Like, what good side? You're ugly as fuck.

• 8:40Bobby Lee?

  You ever do that? I don't say that. I just, I just let them do their supposed good side.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  I don't, I've never had a good side. Do you have a good side?

• 8:49Speaker 03

  Can I weigh in? You do, now?

• 8:59Bobby Lee?

  The left side of your face is definitely the good side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, until your hair head to the right direction.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Might be time for, might be time for bangs.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  Side bangs.

• 9:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Alright, well this is fun for me.

• 9:15Bobby Lee?

  It's fun.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  This is good.

• 9:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:16Speaker 05

  I love this.

• 9:18Bobby Lee?

  You do?

• 9:18Speaker 05

  This is great.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I thought we were gonna get on the Palestinian guy.

• 9:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, well, let's go there, let's go there. You wanna go there?

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Why do we have to?

• 9:25Bobby Lee?

  Cause I'm like China, I'm like watching from beyond.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Hopping hearing?

• 9:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, satellite images every once in a while, you know what I mean?

• 9:32Speaker 05

  It's fine.

• 9:32Bobby Lee?

  You want some satellite? I'll give you some satellite, you know what I mean? But, um, yeah, he has, um, a lot of, you have a strawberry nose.

• 9:40Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah, I like that, okay.

• 9:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's a lot of holes in your nose.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, I suppose. Thank you.

• 9:48Speaker 05

  I guess.

• 9:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. If you looked at his nose, there's a lot of holes.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  We kinda have similar noses.

• 9:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, thank you, alright.

• 9:54Bobby Lee?

  No, it's not, I'm not talking about his size.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  Cali and the juju?

• 9:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's not about that, cause you guys are the same people, I think.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Overall girth, yeah.

• 10:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, overall girth, big dicks, you know what I mean, and same region, you know what I mean, but, um, um...

• 10:06Speaker 03

  There's one difference between Palestinians and Jews, is Jews shower on Monday, Palestinians shower on Thursday, and then that's it.

• 10:13Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 10:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  It's a sticky place.

• 10:15Speaker 05

  Don't eat pork?

• 10:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so I hook up with a Palestinian on Friday, is that what you're saying?

• 10:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, you want him Thursday afternoon?

• 10:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Thursday afternoon, yeah, that Thursday afternoon.

• 10:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, you don't do it on Tuesday.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  It retracts pretty quick. You wanna kinda get that kinda right out of the shower.

• 10:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Koreans, we shower pretty much every day, maybe twice a day.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  I shower every day too.

• 10:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, you do? Not your face.

• 10:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. It's a body shower.

• 10:40Bobby Lee?

  You deep to my body.

• 10:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, maybe use your face.

• 10:46Bobby Lee?

  I mean, do you use Korean skin products?

• 10:49Speaker 04

  Yes, I do!

• 10:49Speaker 03

  Is the skin product Korean for chicken?

• 10:53Bobby Lee?

  Is it North Korean?

• 10:56Bobby Lee?

  She uses North Korean for skin products.

• 11:00Bobby Lee?

  Kim Jong-un makes really good skin products.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Really?

• 11:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm kidding.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 11:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 11:05Bobby Lee?

  I'm sorry for ripping on you a little bit, you know what I mean? But that's just all in light fun.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  It's okay. I didn't feel like I was gonna get the target, but it's fine.

• 11:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, we got target master here.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  You guys are kinda historic, actually.

• 11:17Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I love segues.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 11:20Bobby Lee?

  I love the segues. You love segues?

• 11:23Speaker 05

  I love that.

• 11:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, when they're so obvious.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Actually, you got historic.

• 11:26Bobby Lee?

  No one said historic.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Oh, aren't you?

• 11:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's so good.

• 11:30Speaker 05

  Speaking of lifelong conflict. I don't have a riz to it.

• 11:35Bobby Lee?

  So seamless.

• 11:36Speaker 05

  A big person being a helpless person.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Tell us about the Kim.

• 11:41Bobby Lee?

  You'd be a good publicist, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  I would.

• 11:44Bobby Lee?

  Go this way. They ask this, go this way.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  Byron Allen over here.

• 11:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Byron.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  So your grandmother come over recently?

• 11:52Bobby Lee?

  What do you think of Byron Allen?

• 11:54Speaker 03

  I think he's one of the highest level comedians working today.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  I think if I'm, am I talking about influential?

• 12:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  I don't know with anybody. It's him and Pryor.

• 12:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  Pryor number two.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:06Bobby Lee?

  You know, Byron Allen's one of those comedians that I've never seen.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  Never seen stand up.

• 12:10Bobby Lee?

  At a comedy club.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Ever.

• 12:11Bobby Lee?

  Ever.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Ever.

• 12:12Bobby Lee?

  Ever. And we've been in the game for 30 years.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Anniversary even?

• 12:15Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Did he even come to the 50th anniversary?

• 12:16Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no. He's a, and yet he's now the Stephen Colbert.

• 12:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  What if he's like highly autistic and he only talks to people in a living room setting?

• 12:26Speaker 04

  With a shark tank.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  And that's his way of connecting to people.

• 12:28Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you think so?

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's like this, and then as soon as he sits down on the couch, he's like, hi.

• 12:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  How you doing? You're a grandmother, don't you?

• 12:34Bobby Lee?

  Maybe the stage of comedy unleashed is like that. What's that called?

• 12:37Speaker 05

  Comics Unleashed.

• 12:38Bobby Lee?

  Comics Unleashed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you ever do that show?

• 12:40Speaker 03

  I would now. I wouldn't then.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  I like this.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  Then it seems so lame.

• 12:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's like prime time.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  It's toto now.

• 12:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Oh, it's prime time. Is that a real thing?

• 12:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. It's replacing Colbert.

• 12:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Not in our hearts.

• 12:56Speaker 05

  It's to replace the time slot, yeah.

• 12:57Bobby Lee?

  That time slot. So it's Colbert, he has two shows. Funny That You Ask.

• 13:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:02Bobby Lee?

  Right, and Comics Unleashed.

• 13:04Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 13:05Bobby Lee?

  Are now replacing Colbert.

• 13:07Speaker 05

  Yep, starting in like two weeks, I think.

• 13:08Bobby Lee?

  In two weeks. Wow. Isn't that unbelievable?

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Wow, it is.

• 13:11Bobby Lee?

  A syndicated show of a guy that lives, you know, with fishes.

• 13:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 04

  I like that about him.

• 13:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it?

• 13:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  Oh, that's me.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  There you are.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 13:22Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. You did Comedy Unleashed?

• 13:26Speaker 05

  She was on it.

• 13:28Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  It's so far to have to walk.

• 13:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did Comedy Unleashed.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  What?

• 13:34Bobby Lee?

  What'd you do it?

• 13:35Speaker 04

  I, I don't know.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  So tell me, Kat, your name is Kat Bird. Did you ever have a chance to have a different name?

• 13:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 05

  Applause, applause, applause.

• 13:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Well, Byron, I.

• 13:44Bobby Lee?

  No, don't change the subject.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 13:46Bobby Lee?

  You're, you're segueing again.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Oh, you're calling Byron now?

• 13:50Speaker 04

  We're in Byron.

• 13:50Bobby Lee?

  You have to call him Mr. Campbell.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Look at her clapping as soon, hold on, as soon as Byron Allen comes back. Look at her clapping like a fucking.

• 13:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:57Speaker 04

  What the heck?

• 13:57Bobby Lee?

  Who's that?

• 13:58Speaker 03

  A panda or, I don't know, some butt.

• 13:59Bobby Lee?

  There's Byron. Some, but don't say that. Don't say that. What?

• 14:04Speaker 05

  Here it is, here it is.

• 14:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  I think we can probably.

• 14:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, there we go.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  We can take this.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Did you buy that sweater for the show?

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  I washed my face.

• 14:13Bobby Lee?

  You go five hours early so the makeup could cover the.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, they took her whole pay to do it.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Anyway, how, how was your experience on that show?

• 14:26Speaker 04

  It was really fun, actually.

• 14:27Bobby Lee?

  It's your first TV experience?

• 14:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was fun.

• 14:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  But I did this butthole joke at the end and it really shocked Byron.

• 14:34Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  He didn't know how to compute it.

• 14:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you can't compute a lot.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  What was the joke? You like opened his ass up and like?

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And he could compute it.

• 14:44Speaker 05

  What's happening? How did he set it up?

• 14:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, how did he set up a butthole?

• 14:50Bobby Lee?

  Let me see, let's see the setup. Oh, you think you're gonna burn a bridge right now? I think that's what you're doing.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  No, I'm trying to remember.

• 14:55Bobby Lee?

  You can never burn a bridge with Byron Allen.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  No, I.

• 14:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that Campbell. I said Campbell and his name is Allen. No one who corrected me on that.

• 15:03Speaker 05

  I thought you knew something I didn't know.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, me too.

• 15:06Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you really?

• 15:06Speaker 05

  I assume you have authority.

• 15:07Bobby Lee?

  No, you do?

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Cause you guys have like a long history, you two.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  This one, this one is crazy. She really is fired up.

• 15:14Bobby Lee?

  I think we've, I think we've really talked about our history a lot.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  Everything.

• 15:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, a, a, you know, a lot, so.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  We've covered every meal we've ever had.

• 15:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. What, so what's history would you be pertaining to?

• 15:24Speaker 04

  Well, we were both door guys and we heard stories.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Were you really?

• 15:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  In my day, a woman door guy?

• 15:29Bobby Lee?

  I know, never happened.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  I know.

• 15:32Speaker 05

  I protest.

• 15:33Speaker 04

  I've heard that you like women.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  What's next, woman doctor?

• 15:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. A pilot? Yeah, yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  We used to do this thing when you hear a woman pilot.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  It's just like, hi, everybody, we're gonna be cruising. And I just go up to like press the button.

• 15:53Bobby Lee?

  As a joke.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  You were a door guy?

• 15:54Speaker 04

  I am a door guy.

• 15:55Bobby Lee?

  She still is.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, really? You know Miranda?

• 15:57Speaker 04

  I do, yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  Passed the test, she's telling the truth.

• 15:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, she's telling the truth, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what history do you guys, the door people, talk about our history?

• 16:05Speaker 03

  We're both door guys.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, um, you guys were best friends and then you fought.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  I wouldn't say it was a fight that I hear about.

• 16:13Speaker 04

  Okay, the candy bar in the butthole.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  Candy bar was a fight, that was a coming together.

• 16:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, it was a coming, and candy bar in the butthole, what do you mean?

• 16:21Speaker 04

  Was there not, didn't you put a candy bar in his butthole?

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Listen, you guys, the problem is you take stuff out of context, as if he hasn't...

• 16:28Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  As if he hasn't had so many candy bars up his butthole in so many locations.

• 16:32Bobby Lee?

  What, you Caroline Levitt?

• 16:35Bobby Lee?

  Skewing the, what are you doing, you have an agenda?

• 16:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:38Bobby Lee?

  What is going on here?

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:40Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean by candy bar in the butthole?

• 16:41Speaker 04

  That was my segue into the Byron Allen question.

• 16:45Bobby Lee?

  Okay, yeah, oh, yeah. What'd you hear about the candy bar in the butthole?

• 16:48Speaker 04

  I heard that you guys were fighting.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  About which side it goes in first? He wanted it with, Wade. Long's better, but do what you want.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  You're not cruel.

• 16:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  And...

• 16:59Bobby Lee?

  Oh, this. Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 05

  Ari's best friend.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  I still have that shirt.

• 17:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, you still have that shirt?

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  Oh, you stuck it in your own butthole?

• 17:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  Oh, I thought, I thought Ari helped you do it.

• 17:11Speaker 05

  Was there like a lubricant, or was that just...

• 17:13Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I raw dog it.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  Glue.

• 17:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  He just put glue on it.

• 17:16Bobby Lee?

  My butt has a natural lubricant that it works.

• 17:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  What a picture, I gotta frame that.

• 17:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't frame that, please. Still have that tattoo.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  I want that on my gravestone.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  Your fingers are so cute.

• 17:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  Little sausages.

• 17:30Speaker 05

  What kind of candy bar was it?

• 17:32Speaker 03

  You have Wee Man fingers.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 17:37Speaker 05

  I never noticed it.

• 17:38Bobby Lee?

  Do I have them now?

• 17:39Speaker 03

  No, what's your do?

• 17:40Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  You stretch your fingers?

• 17:41Bobby Lee?

  No, no, dude.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  You stretch your fingers?

• 17:43Bobby Lee?

  No, I get what Chopin did, he clipped.

• 17:45Speaker 03

  You know that?

• 17:46Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 17:47Bobby Lee?

  Chopin, the composer, or the, you know...

• 17:49Speaker 05

  Piano composer.

• 17:51Bobby Lee?

  Excuse me?

• 17:51Speaker 00

  Pianist, composer?

• 17:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's what I just said.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  He looked at me, though, for affirmation.

• 17:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I just looked, I like to look at anything.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  This is a crazy picture.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  It's a crazy picture.

• 17:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's a crazy picture, but he used to clip these parts so it can be longer.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 18:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I didn't do that, but I'm just saying that so he could reach keys that other people... This is just probably folklore, maybe not even true. Can you Google if that's true?

• 18:11Speaker 04

  You guys have the same nose.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  He also, yeah, we do, and also, he did that, and he's Asian, he got the surgery.

• 18:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, can you get off that picture?

• 18:22Bobby Lee?

  I have a little person's fingers, and I don't like it. Yeah, yeah.

• 18:39Bobby Lee?

  You guys, oh my god, you know what? Sometimes I just take Huel for a meal, because you know what? My body needs it. You know what your body needs, bud? Nutrition, am I not right, Luke?

• 18:51Speaker 00

  Definitely.

• 18:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. When does the RTD save you? Ready to drink? This right here is ready to drink. Breakfast, post-workout, meetings, school drop-off, errands, etc. You know what I mean? You're racing to the Comedy Store, right? You haven't had a meal. Guess what? What do you drink?

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Huel.

• 19:07Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 19:08Bobby Lee?

  RTD, right? Pick it up, dude. How does a complete meal you can drink help you stay consistent? I'll tell you why.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:15Bobby Lee?

  Because it's got 35 grams of protein. What else does it have there, Luke?

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Uh, it has seven grams of fiber, which is really good for, for your protein as well, and 27 essential vitamins and minerals.

• 19:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what else, dude?

• 19:26Speaker 05

  Me personally, I love that there's no artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavors. That's awesome.

• 19:30Bobby Lee?

  And gluten-free, dude.

• 19:31Speaker 05

  Oh, that's great.

• 19:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and here's the best news, Luke, right? It's under $5 per meal, bro.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  What?

• 19:37Bobby Lee?

  Is that insane?

• 19:38Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 19:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's a complete meal you can literally, literally grab and go, go, go.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Uh huh. Limited time offer, get healed today with our exclusive offer of 50% off online with our code tigerbelly, heal.com/tigerbelly. New customers only. Thank you to Heal for partnering and supporting our show.

• 20:09Bobby Lee?

  You guys, um, you know, looks maxing. We talked about it earlier. And, um, I have to say, and I don't want to put you on the spot, but Alex, Alex, we need to max out your look. Right? So we're gonna do some payments here. What's wrong with, what's wrong with?

• 20:21Speaker 06

  Describe his body.

• 20:23Bobby Lee?

  Shoes. Well, he's shaped like a water buffalo.

• 20:27Speaker 07

  I don't think we can help that, but yeah.

• 20:29Bobby Lee?

  We can't help that, right? But I think the clothing, we can, so we're gonna go and we're gonna buy you some clothing. Right? And so I, you know, a vintage look, right? Cool pants and some shoes.

• 20:40Speaker 06

  Well, so you could, with Klarna, you could also money max, because you'll be able to have more money in your account and do it in force, you know, small payments or how many small payments you need.

• 20:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:49Speaker 06

  So you'll money max on top of your looks maxing as well.

• 20:51Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. So you're doing both, actually.

• 20:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:54Bobby Lee?

  Looks maxing and money maxing. What else, there Rams?

• 20:56Speaker 07

  Uh, I like that, um, also, uh, it's really easy. It's just like four easy payments, you know? It's very nice and, and, you know.

• 21:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 21:04Speaker 07

  Life is complicated.

• 21:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Klarna also offers value, transparency, control, and no surprises. Play, pay now, later, or over time, whatever fits your lifestyle, really, to be honest with you. All right. So what do you think we should get Alex to help his hobbit feet?

• 21:18Bobby Lee?

  Is there a hobbit? You know how they say men's, women's, is there like mythological?

• 21:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, is it like a hoof or something?

• 21:23Speaker 00

  I have really extreme wide feet.

• 21:25Bobby Lee?

  You do.

• 21:26Speaker 06

  You might need tims, right?

• 21:27Speaker 05

  I think we get him tims.

• 21:28Speaker 06

  Because then you could also, you'll get a little taller.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  I heard tims are, are pretty tight, though.

• 21:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, they're tight. It's leathery, it's tight. How about a Birkenstock?

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Oh, I like Birks.

• 21:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Birks are cool.

• 21:38Speaker 06

  Okay, we'll do Birks.

• 21:38Bobby Lee?

  Let's do some Birks right there.

• 21:39Speaker 06

  What size, Alex?

• 21:40Bobby Lee?

  Um, let me guess. Bobby, what do you think his size, what size? Um, the length, probably four foot. The width, 19 foot.

• 21:50Bobby Lee?

  So four by 19? Four by 19, I think. Yeah, maybe let's go to Home Depot, maybe. Build him one.

• 21:58Bobby Lee?

  Wait, zoom in on that, uh, those pants. That's what he needs. You need that, dude. Okay, so we'll get him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's looks maxing. With the Birks. With the Birks. Yeah, so get the whole thing with the Birks. Yeah, yeah. We're ski masks.

• 22:10Speaker 05

  That's the first one, right there.

• 22:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's ski masks, ski masks. It's on sale, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get ski masks.

• 22:16Speaker 06

  So guys, download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.com or learn more.

• 22:20Speaker 07

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• 22:33Speaker 00

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• 23:15Speaker 00

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• 23:35Speaker 01

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• 24:46Bobby Lee?

  I have a little person's fingers and I don't like it. Yeah, yeah.

• 24:52Bobby Lee?

  But my fingers are now Chopin like.

• 24:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, I would say they're regular.

• 24:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I think losing weight, you know, I mean, that's what occurred.

• 25:02Speaker 05

  You lost weight in your fingers?

• 25:04Bobby Lee?

  I think when you lose.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  Oh, maybe, maybe, maybe.

• 25:05Bobby Lee?

  When you lose weight in general, some of the finger mass, you know, I mean.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  How much weight you lose?

• 25:10Bobby Lee?

  About thirty-five pounds. Yeah, so I think that maybe that was the case. I was up chunko back then.

• 25:15Speaker 04

  Do you think you lose it off any other part of your body? Like?

• 25:18Bobby Lee?

  What are you trying to imply?

• 25:20Speaker 05

  Is your butthole as wide as it used to be?

• 25:23Bobby Lee?

  I don't think that's what she was implying. And I don't know why that you would go there.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  Well, a finger kind of looks like a wiener, so I was just wondering.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, do you get a thinner dick?

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:32Bobby Lee?

  It's thinner, but long. Yeah, but long.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  It clears out some of the, you know.

• 25:40Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, I don't know. I don't know.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  The surrounding.

• 25:43Bobby Lee?

  I don't know meta fucking water guy.

• 25:50Bobby Lee?

  I saw you in a news interview.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Oh, really? Oh, the attacks on hormones. Oh, that's just look like me.

• 25:56Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no. How you just don't believe in any political party?

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't care.

• 26:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  What about you, Sam?

• 26:03Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 26:04Speaker 04

  Have you seen Home Alone?

• 26:11Speaker 03

  What? What?

• 26:13Bobby Lee?

  What the fuck? That segue is insane.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  That was pretty great.

• 26:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you look, he looks like Stern, Daniel Stern?

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 26:20Bobby Lee?

  Is that the segue?

• 26:21Speaker 00

  It was on point.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  Is that it?

• 26:22Bobby Lee?

  That was it? Is that it?

• 26:23Speaker 03

  God.

• 26:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:24Speaker 00

  I mean, yeah.

• 26:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  Do you see people in the store with that mouth?

• 26:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good segue. Was that you just dissing on him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because the boil thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 26:36Bobby Lee?

  Do me, do me, do me, do me. Do me.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  Have you ever seen, um, Ali Wong?

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Just the person.

• 26:43Bobby Lee?

  Just an Asian person?

• 26:47Bobby Lee?

  Pretty good.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  Okay, I'll come up with one.

• 26:49Bobby Lee?

  Hey, Rams, do you have a rip on us?

• 26:51Speaker 05

  Do I ever rip on you?

• 26:52Bobby Lee?

  And Ari, yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  I'm reframing from any rips on Ari.

• 26:56Bobby Lee?

  Why, why?

• 26:58Speaker 05

  I just don't, I just.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Just met?

• 26:59Speaker 05

  I'm not, yeah.

• 27:00Bobby Lee?

  You guys don't know each other?

• 27:01Speaker 05

  I don't know Ari, no.

• 27:02Bobby Lee?

  No, how do you not know Ari Shaffir? He's a regular at the store.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  I was a door guy, but way after he's like.

• 27:06Bobby Lee?

  He's a paid regular now.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Nice, congratulations.

• 27:08Speaker 05

  Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you.

• 27:12Speaker 05

  Boyle face.

• 27:14Bobby Lee?

  Boyle face, not pay regular.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  In my day, we both knew Mitzi Shore. She was never passing with a boil. Never.

• 27:21Bobby Lee?

  Get her off. What's going on with her head?

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Don't let it pass. Don't let it pass.

• 27:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  I could perform in the boil room.

• 27:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, there is no boil room. But anyway, um.

• 27:36Bobby Lee?

  I know the place Inside and Out. There is no boil room.

• 27:38Speaker 04

  There's a belly room, but it's for boils.

• 27:40Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  How many different rooms have you fucked in the Comedy Store?

• 27:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh shit, I'll tell you.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's see.

• 27:45Bobby Lee?

  Main room.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  Main room back.

• 27:47Bobby Lee?

  Back, yeah, green room.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Both backs?

• 27:49Speaker 04

  That's.

• 27:50Bobby Lee?

  What's both backs?

• 27:50Speaker 03

  There's the couch one, and then there's the, where the, just the mirrors are.

• 27:53Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, I just did not, oh, no, no, no, um.

• 27:58Bobby Lee?

  The second back.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  The showers, where the showers?

• 28:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because there's two doors.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  Where Argus hangs out?

• 28:02Bobby Lee?

  Because if you hear the first door open, then you stop. Yeah, where Argus hangs out.

• 28:08Speaker 05

  Where he's reading the paper?

• 28:09Bobby Lee?

  Still funny. He's Argus Hamilton.

• 28:11Speaker 05

  He's killing it online.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  He texts me all the time.

• 28:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Does he really?

• 28:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:14Bobby Lee?

  About what?

• 28:15Speaker 04

  Just jokes and.

• 28:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Just testing the waters.

• 28:22Bobby Lee?

  He texts you, is it?

• 28:23Speaker 03

  He's still slinging it, you think?

• 28:25Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:25Bobby Lee?

  Oh, 100%. Oh, yeah, yeah. With Bluetooth now?

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 28:28Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  You think he snorts it like in the 80s?

• 28:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he beats an invisible Mitzi?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  She's not around anymore, and this, this fist is growing too much. It needs to be whittled down.

• 28:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He used to be violent, dude.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  I know, he was really violent.

• 28:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the story, I think we could.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  She was a bitch, though. So sometimes she deserved it.

• 28:52Bobby Lee?

  Who?

• 28:55Speaker 03

  I was saying Mitzi.

• 28:56Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 28:56Speaker 04

  He was talking about Argus.

• 28:58Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no. Well, you didn't, here's what, what your generation didn't, you know what I mean?

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, do you guys fuck in there?

• 29:03Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, let's, let's go back to what you said, and then we'll go about what rooms we fucked.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:08Bobby Lee?

  Can we do that?

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 29:09Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  Oh my god, that's so funny.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  What did I say? Mitzi's a bitch?

• 29:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, she was such a god.

• 29:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know, I know, but let's.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  In a good way.

• 29:14Bobby Lee?

  In a good way, yeah, yeah. But you guys didn't, um, experience that.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  No, we came chasing that, and then they shut it down before, before we could.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  When were you there? You were in the heyday, the tip years?

• 29:25Speaker 05

  No, I was there like, two years, like, two years ago.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Were you getting tips still?

• 29:29Speaker 05

  They cut tips right when I left.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  What do you mean they cut tips?

• 29:31Bobby Lee?

  Like, if you want, for people to, I don't know, explain the tip thing.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  Okay, so, when you do service jobs in, in America.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  People generally go.

• 29:43Bobby Lee?

  No taxes now on them, apparently.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Here's a little something extra, though. Take a dollar.

• 29:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  Oh, thanks, buddy. That was, thanks for showing me. I appreciate.

• 29:50Bobby Lee?

  But at the store, it's different.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  No, none, never, never.

• 29:53Bobby Lee?

  It's more, it's more than a dollar.

• 29:54Speaker 03

  Not when I was doing it.

• 29:55Bobby Lee?

  I know, but what they're getting?

• 29:57Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying.

• 29:57Bobby Lee?

  What they're getting?

• 29:58Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 29:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  You even get a dollar a month.

• 30:01Bobby Lee?

  I know, but these guys, I'll go, hey, I have some guests. Can they sit in that booth? And they're like, it's kind of safe.

• 30:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:08Bobby Lee?

  Right? They're kind of safe.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  I would say for Miss.

• 30:10Bobby Lee?

  I go, say for who? Right? And they're like, we got people.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  We don't know yet.

• 30:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we don't know yet.

• 30:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:15Bobby Lee?

  But it's like hundreds.

• 30:17Speaker 05

  There was.

• 30:17Bobby Lee?

  Hundreds?

• 30:18Speaker 04

  I'm not getting hundreds at all.

• 30:20Speaker 05

  The era right before me, they would leave with fifteen hundred bucks sometimes a night.

• 30:24Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yep.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  Maybe we'll get.

• 30:27Bobby Lee?

  Dude, legitimately, ten bucks, ten bucks a. We would come up with ten. Split it, you and I.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get five, I get five.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  We had to resort to stealing from the place.

• 30:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Straight stealing.

• 30:37Bobby Lee?

  Also, you didn't know, I think I told you this. I mean, maybe both of you in San Jose, but, um, there was a time where they had this weird contract with us, where they only paid us twenty-five dollars a day.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  The time, the whole life?

• 30:52Bobby Lee?

  The whole time, right, right. So it was like.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Twenty-five bucks a day?

• 30:54Bobby Lee?

  We weren't employees, we're contracted.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Independent con. Oh, I fought for that. I fought for you guys to be artists. I fought you're an artist.

• 31:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's, minimum wage is six.

• 31:05Bobby Lee?

  I know. So we would be there all day long, right? Door, I mean, phones, sometimes then door.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Straight through.

• 31:13Bobby Lee?

  Lot, right, right? And you're there until one in the morning.

• 31:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:16Bobby Lee?

  You got twenty-five bucks for that.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  A night shift would go, it shows at eight, so you guys get there at seven.

• 31:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  And you're there till two thirty.

• 31:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:23Speaker 04

  Didn't they say you used to like have to clean the roof and stuff?

• 31:25Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I used to do crazy things.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  You had to do like man.

• 31:28Bobby Lee?

  Oh, one, no, she, one time she goes, you got, she goes, mommy, I go, yeah, she goes, you gotta clear out the Richard Pryor Theater. And I go, what, we, what, we own a theater?

• 31:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it was like somewhere on La Brea.

• 31:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:42Bobby Lee?

  Right? And it'd been boarded up for years, right? And she goes, beware. She goes, she goes, beware. There are people living. Right, so I'm like, opening this fucking, you know what I mean? There's like, like bored, it's boarded up, but there are holes, right? But I don't want to crawl in a hole.

• 32:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, so I just took a shovel, like, you know, I, you know what I mean? Like, this is not in my job description, and I walk, it's black, and all you can see is eyes. Like in a, like in a forest.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Black people?

• 32:14Bobby Lee?

  No, not black people.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 32:16Bobby Lee?

  Did I say black people?

• 32:16Speaker 04

  Oh, you just said black.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  No, Peter Chen.

• 32:21Bobby Lee?

  That's a good, yeah, Peter Chen. No, no, but you would see eyeballs, I go, hey, guys, you know, I'm in my twenties.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:27Bobby Lee?

  Guys, uh.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Please?

• 32:29Bobby Lee?

  Please leave. I just have a shovel, right? You know what I mean? You would smell things that were like, chemical. Yeah, they're doing drugs.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 32:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, like crack, or whatever, what it is. Yeah, but I used to do crazy jobs, you know what I mean? One day, they hadn't cleaned the roof in many, many years.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:47Bobby Lee?

  And they're like, Bonnie, you gotta go up there and clean.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  And leak.

• 32:50Bobby Lee?

  And the leak, and also the leaves.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Clean it up.

• 32:53Bobby Lee?

  Right, and I'm like, literal, it's like, fucking stacked with leaves.

• 32:58Speaker 05

  What time of day are you getting there? Are you getting there like?

• 33:00Bobby Lee?

  I'm at noon.

• 33:01Speaker 05

  Oh, my god.

• 33:02Bobby Lee?

  I'm there at noon, dude.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  Twenty-five dollars?

• 33:04Speaker 05

  For twenty-five dollars.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  That was bonus, that wouldn't have even been paid. I was like, I need you to come early, like, is there more money? Like, yeah, can you imagine?

• 33:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and now, you know what draws me crazy, Ari, is now they have this thing called?

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Rights?

• 33:17Bobby Lee?

  Rights, yeah, rights, and friends and family.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 33:23Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you don't know about friends and family?

• 33:24Speaker 04

  Here we go.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Was that when I was hosting?

• 33:25Bobby Lee?

  No, I don't think you, no, they didn't have friends and family, no. Friends and family now is during open mics.

• 33:31Speaker 05

  This is crazy.

• 33:31Bobby Lee?

  They get their own chunk of two hours, right? How long is friends and family?

• 33:35Speaker 05

  Two hours.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  Wait, you're a hot look.

• 33:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but they all get to go up. When we were doing open mics, we still had to do the lottery.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Oh, wait, wait, wait. So you're talking about employees?

• 33:46Bobby Lee?

  Employees.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  Employees always got a spot.

• 33:48Bobby Lee?

  They did?

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Three minutes.

• 33:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, old man Lee. With your little fucking fake stories.

• 33:53Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Okay.

• 33:58Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 33:58Speaker 05

  You got, yeah.

• 33:59Bobby Lee?

  I'm taking my glasses off now.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Old man Lee.

• 34:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Hey, can I do some puns? You were in a rush to remember, so you get it out of here.

• 34:07Bobby Lee?

  Are there people that go up that aren't employees there that are still?

• 34:10Speaker 03

  I rest my case.

• 34:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, friends and family.

• 34:14Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 34:14Bobby Lee?

  Who are those people?

• 34:15Speaker 05

  Uh, they're friends.

• 34:16Bobby Lee?

  Of whom?

• 34:17Speaker 05

  The family.

• 34:18Bobby Lee?

  Of whom?

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Of the family.

• 34:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we didn't have that.

• 34:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Well, like what Peter Shor's buddies?

• 34:23Speaker 05

  No, like if you're the host and you're, you want to get your friend up in front of the booker, that's your little payment.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:28Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:29Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 34:29Speaker 05

  Oh. I'm with you. Hey, as a paid regular.

• 34:31Bobby Lee?

  Don't get it.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  End it. Get him on the phone right now.

• 34:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're ending that. It's been there for years.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 05

  It's over.

• 34:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. They get their own employee. Don't you get your own employee belly room show?

• 34:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:43Bobby Lee?

  There's an employee belly room show?

• 34:44Speaker 03

  We got three minutes and if she came in and she goes, nah.

• 34:47Bobby Lee?

  Nah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what we got. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 05

  Now that I'm on the other side, burn it all to the ground.

• 34:51Bobby Lee?

  So you get paid right?

• 34:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:53Bobby Lee?

  You get paid right. You get ample stage time now, right? Cause I've seen you host the big shows.

• 34:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  What, you're a door guy and you get to host?

• 35:02Bobby Lee?

  The big shows though, like Leno, Arsenio Hall.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  But that's independent. That's not at the store.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, wait, wait. Was your reference of a big show two people from the seventies?

• 35:11Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, but then they'll have, then they'll have.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  They're basically dead.

• 35:15Bobby Lee?

  Then they'll have Tim Dillon.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Oh, Rea Perlman.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  Byron Allen.

• 35:21Bobby Lee?

  Flip Wilson.

• 35:23Speaker 05

  Corey Feldman.

• 35:24Bobby Lee?

  Mort Saul. If he's still alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  Whitney Houston.

• 35:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, didn't do stand up. Yeah, that joke did not hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  Cause she's dead.

• 35:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, oh, I see.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:38Bobby Lee?

  But we were doing Flip Wilson was a stand up and yeah.

• 35:41Speaker 05

  That was the Boyle talking.

• 35:42Bobby Lee?

  That was the Boyle talking, yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 05

  Takes over sometimes.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  Um, that's crazy. You guys get that much stage.

• 35:46Bobby Lee?

  They get a lot.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  And money.

• 35:47Bobby Lee?

  And money.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  So what do you mean they ended the, they ended the tips? What did that mean?

• 35:50Speaker 05

  They got into a.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  How much like Jew cares about the tip?

• 35:53Speaker 04

  Let's go back to that.

• 35:55Speaker 05

  There were people complaining, like, you know, like Yelp comments saying, oh, I got like, I had to pay fifty bucks and I got a shitty seat or something.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Hold on, pause, because you guys abused it. You didn't say, you go, you're not sitting there without payment. Fifty dollars for that, seventy-five dollars for that.

• 36:09Speaker 05

  Ari, I agree with you. It got, we were flying a little too close to the sun.

• 36:12Bobby Lee?

  So that stopped.

• 36:13Speaker 05

  Stopped.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, we don't get tip buckets anymore.

• 36:15Bobby Lee?

  So what do you get? Nothing?

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Well, we get tips. Like, I'll be like, oh, if they're like, oh, can I save a seat for someone? I'll be like, yeah, but you just gotta like, give us like twenty bucks to save a seat. And then they'll get twenty bucks and then we have to split it between five people.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  You're supposed to say, if you hook me up.

• 36:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's, that's the thing. That's where they fuck up.

• 36:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't be specific about the money. If you hook me up. It could be a hundred.

• 36:35Speaker 04

  But how about they give you five?

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Then you have to do it, but you don't hook up as much.

• 36:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Or, or you just go, come on, man.

• 36:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  How about they give you?

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Have you ever met an Italian?

• 36:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I've learned so much from Ari. I learned to be confrontational at the, at the, um, at the gate at the airport.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  TSA, it's fun.

• 36:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned how to be con- you know, people go, I'm difficult at the TSA, right?

• 36:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:58Bobby Lee?

  But I wasn't before I met him. And then I realized, oh, you could run amok.

• 37:03Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 37:03Speaker 04

  Well, what do you do?

• 37:05Bobby Lee?

  Well, you're confrontational.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just, I started, fuck, I don't like.

• 37:08Bobby Lee?

  Well, I'll give you an example. Yeah, um, after, after you, you check your ID and you, you know, I mean, you give your plane ticket, right? Afterwards, sometimes they'll go, um, where are you going?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Who the fuck are, why the fuck would I tell you where I'm going?

• 37:22Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 05

  A hundred percent.

• 37:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, a hundred percent, right?

• 37:28Speaker 03

  And they're like, sir, I was just trying to be nice. Like, this guy's trying to fuck me.

• 37:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Oh, all these gay TSA agents.

• 37:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Yes, they're TSA for ass.

• 37:37Bobby Lee?

  When I used, sometimes I would travel with them and I'd learn.

• 37:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:40Bobby Lee?

  I go, oh, they're not the police.

• 37:42Speaker 05

  No, they're security guards.

• 37:43Bobby Lee?

  They're security guards. You can see what the fuck you want to do.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  They're mall cops. They're real training. They can't shoot you.

• 37:48Bobby Lee?

  They can't shoot you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned something, a, a little tricky move from you.

• 37:52Speaker 05

  What's that? Oh, the, don't take your picture?

• 37:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. You know that you can deny the picture?

• 37:56Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 37:57Speaker 05

  When you go up to the, to, when you go through TSA, they like, go, hey, can you real quick look at the camera? You could just say no.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  But you tried that last time.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  I didn't know that. I liked that.

• 38:05Speaker 05

  They just go, oh, okay. And they just let you go.

• 38:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 03

  So something that Brett Weinbach told me.

• 38:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, tell me about, oh, I love these rules.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, so he goes, you can say like, I gotta leave my shoes on. And they go, no, you can't. And they go, unless you have a medical condition.

• 38:18Bobby Lee?

  Flatfoot.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 38:19Bobby Lee?

  What? No?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Athlete's foot.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  No, why can't you take your shoes off?

• 38:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  Isn't that a medical condition?

• 38:26Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you gotta think ahead, dude.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, so you have to, but they can't say-

• 38:29Bobby Lee?

  You gotta think ahead.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Nice, nice, Billy.

• 38:36Bobby Lee?

  Old manly. Old manly comes back.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  He's got him.

• 38:39Bobby Lee?

  He's back, dude.

• 38:40Speaker 05

  He's got it.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  You just make up some Latin. Make up something that sounds Latin.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  Like spell it?

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Molestum contagum.

• 38:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  And like, oh, okay. Sure, now no shoes off for you.

• 38:53Bobby Lee?

  Alama lakum confusion.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  I'm a little confused.

• 38:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Confucius say.

• 38:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What would you say? Make up a word.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  Um, spalababu.

• 39:02Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh, you have salababu?

• 39:03Speaker 04

  I have salababu.

• 39:04Bobby Lee?

  Uh, what is that?

• 39:05Speaker 04

  Salababu is when, uh, my toes are all grown together.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  You don't have a right to ask me that, it's embarrassing.

• 39:11Speaker 04

  Oh, you have no right to ask me that.

• 39:13Bobby Lee?

  Ah, that's the answer. Excuse me, sir, why can't you take your shoes off?

• 39:17Speaker 05

  Um, peluxin explosion.

• 39:20Bobby Lee?

  You have peluxin-

• 39:21Speaker 04

  You have to take your shoes off.

• 39:22Bobby Lee?

  You actually have to show us. Yeah, you gotta show us that. You said explosion, and you're a Palestinian. That's not great. Yeah, we're gonna analyze your shoe.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  You'd wanna think of it ahead of time.

• 39:32Speaker 05

  I really batted in front. I really was in front.

• 39:35Bobby Lee?

  Being a Palestinian guy saying I have explosion.

• 39:38Speaker 04

  I got bomb bomb.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:39Bobby Lee?

  I have bomb bomb.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  Bomb bomb in my foot.

• 39:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  My dynamite vest makes me itchy.

• 39:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck.

• 39:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  Oh, shit.

• 39:46Bobby Lee?

  Just say I have a bomb in my shoe.

• 39:49Bobby Lee?

  That's what I have, a bomb in my shoe.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  A bomb in my shoe.

• 39:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, a bomb in my shoe.

• 39:54Speaker 05

  It's my cousin.

• 39:55Bobby Lee?

  Well, so, so Brent Weinback taught you that?

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd say that, I, I, but sometimes when they're patting me down, I'll, if I gotta fart, I'll rip it right there. I'm like, I farted, you're smelling it now. I farted, you can't go anywhere, keep smelling, no.

• 40:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, when they're patting you down?

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Right in their face.

• 40:11Bobby Lee?

  You know, you know what I say? I go, keep going. They go, okay, we're good. I go, keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're like, no, you're done. I go, keep going.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  Keep going.

• 40:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it feels good.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  I like it.

• 40:20Speaker 04

  I like it when they pat me down.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 40:22Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 40:22Speaker 04

  Cause it's just a little, little massage, you know, sometimes.

• 40:24Bobby Lee?

  It's not really that big of a massage. It's a light Swedish massage.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  If I went to Thailand and they went like this to me,

• 40:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  I'd be like-

• 40:33Bobby Lee?

  What are you doing?

• 40:34Speaker 03

  I'm not giving you a dollar for nothing.

• 40:37Bobby Lee?

  Reiki heal. Well, I used to put, so what I used to do, learning from him, is I used to put gigantic, portable, plastic vaginas. You know what I mean?

• 40:49Speaker 04

  So you used to buy plastic vaginas?

• 40:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, just to put it into my thing, so they will check it. And then they have to pull it out.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  And you go, "Oh, Julian, I didn't wash that one. I didn't wash..."

• 41:01Bobby Lee?

  They're just more than three ounces of liquid. It's super sticky, you know what I mean? And they have to hold it, and I go, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's from, I masturbate." What's with that? Yeah, yeah, I masturbate with that item.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  Put my penis into it.

• 41:11Bobby Lee?

  And they put it right back, and they close it right up. It's my favorite.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Please repack it.

• 41:15Bobby Lee?

  But I learned all that behavior from you. All that behavior? Yeah, which is, kind of sucks, because when I'm, I'm going through now, did TSA with a girl, with any, like, my girlfriend or whatever, they have to do, like, three steps back. Because of you.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  It's too embarrassing.

• 41:33Bobby Lee?

  They can't be with me, because they know how embarrassing it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I'm like, "Why am I behaving like this? They're just hardworking Americans, and it always goes back to this guy." Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, his poo trick. Yeah. I call him Poo Trick. It's actually Patriots.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Poo Trick, it's on my foot.

• 41:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  I love when I have time, when I'm going home and up to a gig, and I have time, I'm like, "Let's see how far I can take this. Like, I could get thrown off this and make the next flight." Yeah, one time they're like, "Hey, your shoes went off." I'm like, "It's not, it's because I gave her a weird look, my shoes didn't go off." Like, "Do it again, like, we can't do it again." I'm like, "You can't test me again?"

• 42:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, why? But why would you?

• 42:06Speaker 03

  Why?

• 42:06Bobby Lee?

  Time?

• 42:07Speaker 03

  And then they go...

• 42:09Bobby Lee?

  That's the thing. I relate. I always ask, I do it.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:11Bobby Lee?

  But I'm like, "Why are we doing it?"

• 42:13Speaker 03

  Why are we doing this?

• 42:14Bobby Lee?

  No, you don't know what they're invented it!

• 42:15Speaker 03

  You've never caught anyone, why are we doing this? And at some point, she goes, "Sir, you have to." I'm like, "Get your manager." I went hard this one time. And then they go, "Sir," so I'm like, "Can I leave? What if I don't want to go? Can I just leave?" And they go, "No, you can't." I'm like, "So you're detaining me? Like, you're taking my freedom now?"

• 42:29Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  And they go, "No," and they're like, "Sir," and then they go, "Sir, do we need to call the cops?" And I thought about it, and I go, "Yeah, call them."

• 42:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, actually, I wanna see.

• 42:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you like that?

• 42:41Speaker 04

  Well, there's sometimes there's so many hours before you board a flight, right?

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, you had time.

• 42:45Speaker 05

  You got time to kill.

• 42:45Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it's fun. It's for fun.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  You ever do the lie, but then you convince yourself of the lie?

• 42:49Bobby Lee?

  No, tell me, explain.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  When you lie, and then you-

• 42:52Bobby Lee?

  Which I do a lot.

• 42:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I know.

• 42:54Bobby Lee?

  Obviously.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  Bobby lie.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, we all do.

• 42:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  You're one of the best at it, but you gotta tell yourself-

• 42:59Bobby Lee?

  Tell the world.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  You gotta tell your-

• 43:01Bobby Lee?

  I'm one of the best at it.

• 43:01Speaker 03

  You're one of the best liars right now, of all time, legitimately.

• 43:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of all time.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but it's all, well, thank you.

• 43:08Speaker 05

  What's the best lie you think you have?

• 43:10Bobby Lee?

  I mean, like, probably 20% of the things I've said, right?

• 43:15Speaker 03

  He's Mexican.

• 43:19Bobby Lee?

  I'm immigrant, dude. I don't even believe-

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, but when I say, like, my foot hurts, if I take my shoes on and off, it's painful, my skin, and then they go, "Can you just do it?" And I go, "Well, no, I feel a lot." I'm like, "It's fucking painful, dude!" And I really believe it. Or if I was late because of something, I was like, "Oh, I saw a murder." I'm like, "No, I'm really affected by this murder I saw."

• 43:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  You know, you really-

• 43:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I told the cop, I was like, "Dude, this fucking bitch won't let me..." He's like, "Be respectful." I'm like, "Is that legal? Do I have to be respectful?"

• 43:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  He was like, "You can just tell this guy was like, 'Oh, this is not..." "I just wanna shoot black people. Why is this my job?"

• 43:51Bobby Lee?

  I understand that, but why don't you just go through?

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Sometimes I do.

• 43:54Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good.

• 43:55Speaker 05

  But I get it, cuz it's like-

• 43:56Bobby Lee?

  What do you get?

• 43:57Speaker 05

  It's like, this is pointless, and I just don't wanna be a part of it.

• 44:00Bobby Lee?

  What's pointless about it?

• 44:01Speaker 03

  They never caught anyone.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  They don't stop anybody.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  They've never caught anyone. Only two people have tried since 9/11, and they both got on the plane.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're 0 for 2 since 2001.

• 44:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's all just a big racket.

• 44:14Bobby Lee?

  It's a racket.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Sometimes I'm nice to them, though.

• 44:16Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 44:17Speaker 04

  Just cuz they look sad.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, they should be.

• 44:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, no, no, they shouldn't be.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  They should, no, they shouldn't.

• 44:22Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you why, because of the government shutdown and stuff, they don't get paid, and they, um-

• 44:26Speaker 03

  It's a shitty job.

• 44:27Speaker 05

  It's a nice job to have, too.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  I don't mind them as much now, but I used to hate them a lot.

• 44:30Bobby Lee?

  I know, I love them now.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Like, post 9/11, you hate them?

• 44:33Speaker 03

  I had one nice guy, "No, no, that was..." Good job, by the way, I'm not a-

• 44:37Speaker 05

  Thank you. Hey, hey, Ari, you good job on 9/11.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  It's the last time we worked together.

• 44:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good job, those five Mossad agents that were watching, that were telling-

• 44:49Speaker 05

  Really nice.

• 44:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, "What is going on here?"

• 44:52Speaker 05

  A passport seemed to have not burnt.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  I first heard about nine eleven in August of that year.

• 45:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, wow. We're getting into really sticky territory. We're gonna get shadow banned here, but um.

• 45:08Bobby Lee?

  You comfortable?

• 45:09Speaker 04

  No, I don't really know what's going on.

• 45:11Bobby Lee?

  That's the best. That's the best tape.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  That's smart. That's always smart. I don't know.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  I don't know what's going on. Bobby teaches me a lot of stuff.

• 45:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  You going on the road with him?

• 45:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we're going to what tomorrow?

• 45:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. These two are opening for me on my tour.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 45:27Bobby Lee?

  Until September or something, or October, and then we're done.

• 45:29Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 45:35Bobby Lee?

  Hims for your hair.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  Hair.

• 45:39Bobby Lee?

  And hair.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  Hair.

• 45:42Bobby Lee?

  Hims. You guys, um, I've, I've used Hims. Um, my hair is thick.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:48Bobby Lee?

  Hair loss doesn't fix itself, Luke, okay?

• 45:51Speaker 06

  I know.

• 45:52Bobby Lee?

  You know that, right? And the earlier you, the better. Hims makes starting simple with a hundred percent online process and personalized treatment plans delivered straight to you, Luke, okay? Aunt Randy, Aunt Randy, hear me out. It offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medications, serums, and sprays. You know what? Finasteride and minoxidil. That's what it's all about. Doctor trusted, dude. What else, dude?

• 46:19Speaker 05

  You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. That's what I, that's why I like.

• 46:22Bobby Lee?

  About that, yeah, yeah.

• 46:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. Hims brings experts' care straight to you with a hundred percent online access to personalized treatments that put your goals first.

• 46:31Bobby Lee?

  And what else, dude?

• 46:32Speaker 06

  Well, I really like that there's like flexible subscription options, so you can figure out, you know, what's right for you. You have access to 24/7 provider of support.

• 46:40Bobby Lee?

  Oh, whoa.

• 46:40Speaker 06

  And once a day treatment options that fit your daily routine.

• 46:43Bobby Lee?

  Wow. Things of Hims as your digital treatments, front door, that gets you back to your old self with simple 100% online access to trusted, real health concerns, all in one place.

• 46:53Speaker 06

  For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com/belly. That's hims.com/belly for your free online visit. hims.com/belly.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride.

• 47:20Bobby Lee?

  Helix for your sleep.

• 47:28Bobby Lee?

  I have three bedrooms in my house. Every bedroom has a Helix mattress. I'll tell you why, okay? I want any guest to sleep at my house, Luke, right? And have them have the best rest of their life, okay? Um, Helix helps you sleep better. A study they ran found that 82% Luke of those involved saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle while sleeping on a Helix mattress.

• 47:50Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 47:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:51Speaker 05

  Super important for your health.

• 47:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, uh, what else, guys?

• 47:53Speaker 06

  Well, I've been at Bobby's house a lot and I've been sleeping in his beds a lot. He hasn't been aware of this. I just kind of come in and sleep in his bed. I've noticed there's been a huge upgrade in the beds.

• 48:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 06

  It really just improved my sleep and everything. And I had a, I had a problem in my neck where I wouldn't be able to sleep good with my neck. But the Helix mattress literally fixed it.

• 48:11Bobby Lee?

  I remember that one night. You're like, my neck feels better.

• 48:13Speaker 06

  Really good, yeah.

• 48:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  What I really like about, uh, Helix is the seamless delivery, by the way. Comes right to your door.

• 48:18Bobby Lee?

  It does?

• 48:18Speaker 05

  In a box.

• 48:19Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean? In a little box?

• 48:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's like a box. You, it's tiny, but then you open it up and there's this giant, beautiful plush mattress on the inside. That's so cool.

• 48:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you know all about it.

• 48:27Speaker 05

  I, I do.

• 48:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know you do, because you've opened my boxes before.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  You haven't let me sleep over.

• 48:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Luke is allowed.

• 48:34Speaker 05

  I know.

• 48:35Speaker 06

  I, I wasn't sure if the Helix mattress was going to be right for me, but I was comfortable getting it because they have 120 night sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty. So for my whole life, I'll know I can have this Helix mattress.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:47Speaker 06

  Wow. Go to helixsleep.com/tigerbelly for 27% off sitewide. That's helixsleep.com/tigerbelly for 27% off sitewide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. helixsleep.com/tigerbelly.

• 49:02Speaker 01

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• 49:43Speaker 04

  I feel like you have.

• 49:44Bobby Lee?

  I've been to Australia before, yeah, but I've never go, hey, where's the Didgeridoo players?

• 49:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, that seems...

• 49:48Speaker 03

  No, they're out there paying for nickels. If you give them a dollar, they'll do whatever you want.

• 49:51Bobby Lee?

  There's no Guitar Center with Didgeridoo.

• 49:53Speaker 05

  Didgeridoo Center?

• 49:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine going in there and just seeing 15 guys checking it out.

• 50:00Speaker 05

  They never buy.

• 50:01Bobby Lee?

  They never buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 05

  These guys never buy.

• 50:03Bobby Lee?

  They just put it back on the thing.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  If 15 guys are playing Didgeridoo, you're just shit.

• 50:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And they never say, George Harrison used to play this. You know what I mean? This type of Didgeridoo, you know?

• 50:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:14Bobby Lee?

  Because you have those guitars, you know what I mean? Like, this is the one that Bob Dylan did in...

• 50:18Speaker 05

  Same color.

• 50:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, same color. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They never do that. But if this war continues, then they're gonna be in a recession. There's gonna be a global recession.

• 50:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, but that's when people need comedy the most.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I feel like you're like acting too far in events.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Guys can't be reading the news this way.

• 50:33Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 50:33Speaker 05

  Thank you, Ari.

• 50:34Speaker 04

  Thank you, Ari.

• 50:36Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean? People are being affected?

• 50:37Speaker 03

  There might be this. If this, then there might be this.

• 50:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's called foresight.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  Nah, it's happened over and over again.

• 50:43Bobby Lee?

  What? It's called foreskin?

• 50:44Speaker 03

  It is called foreskin. She's got a good point there, brother.

• 50:47Speaker 04

  Tommy, do you believe in that?

• 50:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Foreskin?

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  I think it's a myth.

• 50:52Speaker 05

  I've never seen it.

• 50:52Bobby Lee?

  Are you surprised?

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude. Wait, I'm not sure, actually.

• 50:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, don't please... Oh, yeah, let me see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me see it.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  It's a Snickers bar.

• 51:01Bobby Lee?

  Let me see it. Let me see it.

• 51:05Speaker 04

  Are you looking, Graham?

• 51:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, dude, you need reduction on the testicle.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  I need, yeah. I need less these testies.

• 51:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, pull that out, please.

• 51:20Bobby Lee?

  Take it out, take it out, please.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  Do you have knee problems? Those testicles are huge, dude.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  I saw them.

• 51:28Bobby Lee?

  He goes, Bert Kreischer, arse, fear. In terms of testicle. I've seen both.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  They look like a boil.

• 51:34Bobby Lee?

  The best photo I have is you pooing at...

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Sky Fest?

• 51:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  You were there for that?

• 51:39Bobby Lee?

  No, but I have a photo. I mean, it was passed around to everybody. It's one of the greatest photos ever made.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  Oh, I got in trouble for that.

• 51:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Did you really?

• 51:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:47Bobby Lee?

  Did you know, when you pooed on stage?

• 51:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:50Bobby Lee?

  Was that an opener or a closer?

• 51:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's hard.

• 51:54Bobby Lee?

  You can't open with that.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  You can't open with it.

• 51:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  And you're like, and now...

• 51:57Bobby Lee?

  No one follows that.

• 51:57Speaker 03

  And now for my ruminations on relationships.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  I'll ever notice.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  You ever just use a dryer and not the washer? Boys, come on.

• 52:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you close with it.

• 52:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I closed with it. Well, it opened to close.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  Do you get anxiety when you get to poop on stage?

• 52:19Speaker 03

  It's not like it's a...

• 52:22Speaker 03

  The rumor is you do this often.

• 52:27Bobby Lee?

  Is that his clo closer every fucking time?

• 52:32Speaker 05

  I also like the insider actor studio, like, style of question, like,

• 52:36Bobby Lee?

  So.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  Tell us a little bit about your process. What are you eating prior to sitting on stage?

• 52:42Speaker 03

  I actually ate a lot of, like, Vienna sausages. I really had to make sure it happened.

• 52:48Bobby Lee?

  Did you take a laxative?

• 52:50Speaker 03

  I didn't take a laxative. It would've been smart, but I did have, like, some sort, something, like, I was taking antibiotics before.

• 52:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  And then, um, don't ask, and then, um, and then, uh, a lot of Vienna sausages.

• 53:00Bobby Lee?

  I wanna ask.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  What?

• 53:01Bobby Lee?

  I don't know. Why were you on antibiotics?

• 53:02Speaker 03

  I don't know what the antibiotics were. I was on them.

• 53:05Bobby Lee?

  For what?

• 53:06Speaker 03

  An infection of some kind.

• 53:07Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Had to be an infection.

• 53:08Bobby Lee?

  All right.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  What else do you run antibiotics for?

• 53:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but if you don't know where the effect infection in...

• 53:13Speaker 03

  I don't remember. It was two years ago.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  Maybe it was from his foot, Latin foot.

• 53:17Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  Maybe his trench foot.

• 53:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that callback.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  I know, bad, really bad.

• 53:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all right. But that's why you like a...

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Backdoor shift today.

• 53:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:26Bobby Lee?

  Patty, yeah. She's still work, she's not a paid regular yet. She's still working on callbacks. All right? He's not like him, you know what I mean? You'll get there. You'll know about callback.

• 53:37Bobby Lee?

  Because you were supposed to repeat exactly what the callback was.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  I know, but I didn't remember the Latin phrase.

• 53:41Bobby Lee?

  I know, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. His bomb bastic, the chew.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:45Bobby Lee?

  Explosion would have been funny.

• 53:46Speaker 04

  Explosion, yeah, yeah.

• 53:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, anyway, uh, let's move on from the infection.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, ate a lot of Vienna sausages.

• 53:51Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  And then, and then I was like, don't take a dump today.

• 53:54Bobby Lee?

  Like, how hard is that?

• 53:56Speaker 03

  It was hard, but also I had to shove up my butt stuff.

• 53:59Speaker 05

  That's so funny.

• 54:00Bobby Lee?

  Like what?

• 54:01Speaker 03

  Note, I was announcing my Netflix special.

• 54:03Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  So I just shove a folded up piece of paper up there.

• 54:07Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I asked her a piece of paper and they brought me, like, cardstock and I'm like, this won't, no, no.

• 54:14Bobby Lee?

  So you're doing magic?

• 54:15Speaker 03

  I was doing magic.

• 54:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  So I shit and then I pull.

• 54:17Bobby Lee?

  Slide of butt.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  Out of the shit.

• 54:20Bobby Lee?

  Slide of butt, slide of butt.

• 54:22Speaker 05

  Slide of butt is nice.

• 54:22Bobby Lee?

  Slide of butt, dude.

• 54:23Speaker 05

  I like that.

• 54:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so how long was that piece of paper stuck up there?

• 54:29Speaker 03

  A few hours.

• 54:30Bobby Lee?

  Wow. You felt it?

• 54:32Speaker 03

  I felt it the whole time.

• 54:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And but did you know you had to take a shit?

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I had to take a shit the whole time.

• 54:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  I had to hold it.

• 54:38Bobby Lee?

  You had to hold the poo, right? Yeah, well, by doing whatever that's that is.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  You know.

• 54:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, angling.

• 54:44Speaker 04

  What did what did people say when you were pooping on stage?

• 54:47Speaker 03

  There's a sound they make.

• 54:51Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me guess.

• 54:53Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 54:53Bobby Lee?

  Let can we all guess what the sound?

• 54:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 54:55Bobby Lee?

  If I saw it.

• 54:56Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah.

• 54:56Bobby Lee?

  I'd be like, I'd be like, oh.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  All right.

• 55:01Bobby Lee?

  All right, what's yours?

• 55:02Speaker 04

  No, you go first.

• 55:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:05Speaker 05

  That's appropriate.

• 55:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what's your sound?

• 55:09Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see. Oh, you would have vomited.

• 55:10Speaker 05

  I'm shocked.

• 55:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  A little shocked.

• 55:13Bobby Lee?

  But it was to us, it would have been, I love crazy.

• 55:15Speaker 05

  Yes, that would have been.

• 55:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, and in my mind, I'm like, that might have been the craziest thing I've ever seen live as a stand up on stage.

• 55:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's insane.

• 55:24Bobby Lee?

  So I would have been like, oh, shit.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Literally.

• 55:28Bobby Lee?

  Literally shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 03

  Jeff Ross, so onstage was Jeff Ross and Tony Hinchcliffe, two roast guys who are quick. And they both were like later, like, I couldn't think, I wasn't even thinking, I was just a fan, I wasn't even thinking. I'm supposed to make jokes now.

• 55:40Bobby Lee?

  God, you blew away roasters.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  I blew away roasters.

• 55:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  Can I ask another question, logistically, like, so you?

• 55:47Bobby Lee?

  Don't steal it, that's hack.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  What?

• 55:49Bobby Lee?

  Don't steal that move.

• 55:50Speaker 05

  I'm not gonna.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  Don't do that.

• 55:51Bobby Lee?

  I'll go, I'll go.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  You can do it tonight.

• 55:52Speaker 04

  I'll just.

• 55:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  During.

• 55:54Speaker 04

  Back door.

• 55:55Speaker 03

  You're in Australia.

• 55:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  But in Australia, it's it's a different hemisphere, so you gotta suck it in. You gotta take someone else's dump and suck it.

• 56:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you gotta suck it in, yeah.

• 56:02Speaker 04

  So you finished your set and then you pull your pants down and was there like a few minutes before the poop came? Or was it just immediately poop?

• 56:10Speaker 03

  Good question, I, that's a great question.

• 56:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, doing the rounds.

• 56:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  I actually had some stage fright.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  That's.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  And it kind of sucked back in a little.

• 56:18Bobby Lee?

  You scared or was your butthole scared?

• 56:20Speaker 03

  My butthole was like, this is.

• 56:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but well, you were fine.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  I was like, come on.

• 56:24Bobby Lee?

  It's like your mind, right?

• 56:25Speaker 03

  It's like we want to get a bonus.

• 56:26Bobby Lee?

  Observing your thoughts, what Eckhart Tolle says.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:29Bobby Lee?

  We do that with our butt.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  Eckhart Tolle would have loved this.

• 56:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we observe the butt.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:34Bobby Lee?

  Right, but that's not who you are.

• 56:35Speaker 04

  It's not your contract.

• 56:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's something else, it's a muscle.

• 56:38Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 56:38Bobby Lee?

  Okay, it's very interesting, right? So you're fine, but your butthole's freaking out.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  Can one of you guys go to my car and get, I got a present for you guys.

• 56:46Bobby Lee?

  If it's poo, I don't want it.

• 56:49Speaker 04

  I don't want it.

• 56:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like, I don't like your presents.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  Like the lifted back thing?

• 56:55Bobby Lee?

  I don't like your presents, though.

• 56:56Speaker 03

  What?

• 56:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  I love my presents, my presents and my presents.

• 56:59Bobby Lee?

  I like your presents, your presence, though. They think the poo in the handle.

• 57:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh.

• 57:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:07Speaker 05

  What's the poo in the handle?

• 57:08Speaker 04

  I don't want a poo in the hand.

• 57:09Speaker 00

  Oh, they don't know this.

• 57:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you don't know about the poo in the handle?

• 57:11Speaker 03

  One of the handles.

• 57:12Bobby Lee?

  Have we talked about the poo in the handle?

• 57:13Speaker 00

  They don't know, though, which is crazy.

• 57:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, how do you know about the poo in the handle?

• 57:16Speaker 05

  I've never heard of it before. No, what is it?

• 57:17Speaker 04

  You guys have a little, like, the poo. You got a poo fetish.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  He's one of my biggest mentors. I was talking to you, and I'm gonna do it about today.

• 57:25Bobby Lee?

  I wonder if it was poo mentors.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  He was, he's seven three. He was like, he was like, hey, whatever you saw on Carson, this ain't that.

• 57:31Bobby Lee?

  That's not, no, no, we're at the level. Yeah, we all go to the edge.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:35Bobby Lee?

  Of it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Let's do dark shit and then go to Mr. Pizza.

• 57:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 57:39Bobby Lee?

  Mr. Remember that place on Fairfax?

• 57:41Speaker 03

  They, Bobby used to tip more than anybody, and then when we came in, they were like, it's all full. They see Bobby, they'd be like, Bobby, and they're like, right this way. And they're like, get the fuck out of here, Bobby Lee's here.

• 57:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  They'd clear tables for you.

• 57:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 57:52Speaker 05

  Bobby lives for that.

• 57:53Speaker 04

  I think he loved that.

• 57:54Bobby Lee?

  No, it's because I tip well.

• 57:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I mean, I think you like, that moment, you live for that.

• 57:58Bobby Lee?

  But even then, though, but even then, I didn't have the money to do what I did in any way.

• 58:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:03Bobby Lee?

  I owed you four, remember I owed you four grand?

• 58:06Speaker 03

  I do remember that.

• 58:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I paid you back.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  You did?

• 58:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, but that was before the, after the violence.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  After the violence.

• 58:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  Violence is the end.

• 58:14Bobby Lee?

  We're not, we're not going back to the violence.

• 58:15Speaker 05

  We're not talking violence.

• 58:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we're not talking violence. We, we want to talk about the.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  When I think of you, I don't think of the violent years, I think of the mentor years.

• 58:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, the pre, pre-violence.

• 58:23Speaker 03

  Pre-violence.

• 58:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 05

  What did he loan you four grand for?

• 58:26Speaker 03

  Rent or something?

• 58:27Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, I was, I had relapsed.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:30Bobby Lee?

  I had a relapsed, and I was burning through Mad TV money.

• 58:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:34Bobby Lee?

  And I burned through all of it.

• 58:35Speaker 05

  Really?

• 58:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and I needed four grand to pay my, my mortgage.

• 58:39Speaker 03

  Pill dealer.

• 58:40Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 58:40Speaker 03

  You forget for a pill dealer.

• 58:41Bobby Lee?

  I was, yeah, I was a pill dealer, yeah, but I was in debt.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  I got you guys this because this discussion is actually perfect.

• 58:47Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God.

• 58:49Speaker 00

  What the?

• 58:50Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 58:53Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 58:55Speaker 05

  Wow, very cool.

• 58:55Bobby Lee?

  And that's for us?

• 58:56Speaker 03

  That's for you guys, yeah.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Used? Now, is it used? It's dirty, it's dirty on the back. It's dirty on the back.

• 59:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:01Speaker 03

  It's brand new.

• 59:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, are you s- did you get me this because I'm getting old?

• 59:06Speaker 04

  Is there poop in there?

• 59:07Speaker 03

  There's no- hopefully not.

• 59:08Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 59:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no poo in there. Is there poo in there? I checked, no. Oh, good, good, good.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  That's a good employee.

• 59:14Bobby Lee?

  Good, good, good.

• 59:14Speaker 03

  That's a good employee.

• 59:15Bobby Lee?

  That's a good, yeah.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  That's dirt's just outside, boss. That's just like pollen.

• 59:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and you bought that specifically for the podcast or me?

• 59:20Speaker 03

  For you.

• 59:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, why?

• 59:22Speaker 03

  Housewarming.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  I never got your housewarming.

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 59:25Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's really nice.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  Just in case you're out in the back and you don't want to go in, but you gotta take a poo.

• 59:30Bobby Lee?

  I think that should be over there. George, can you put it there, please? Thank you.

• 59:33Speaker 04

  So, is that a squatty potty?

• 59:34Speaker 00

  No.

• 59:35Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, there's no-

• 59:36Speaker 03

  Squat, it's just like a- it's a transportable potty.

• 59:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's just a potty. Yeah. Wow, that's so cool.

• 59:43Bobby Lee?

  Thank you. Really nice.

• 59:44Speaker 04

  So, do you have to get rid of your own poo in that bowl?

• 59:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you can have it-

• 59:47Bobby Lee?

  What do you think? Well, like, you gotta let nature get rid of it through time.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  It's more of an opener's joke.

• 59:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns into fertilizer events eventually.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of fruits and vegetables out there, it grows.

• 1:00:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, anyway, um...

• 1:00:07Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so the poo story.

• 1:00:08Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:00:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  It's just there.

• 1:00:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so it's gonna be there.

• 1:00:15Bobby Lee?

  Well, we've talked about this before. Um, what do you think? Should we say it again?

• 1:00:18Speaker 00

  I mean, you should explain it to them, because there's probably-

• 1:00:20Bobby Lee?

  Because of education.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  Education, new audience doesn't know.

• 1:00:22Bobby Lee?

  New audience doesn't know. So, I made the mistake, um, it's a three-pronged, um-

• 1:00:27Speaker 03

  It's a three-pronged.

• 1:00:28Bobby Lee?

  It's a three-pronged one. I made the, I did the mistake of peeing on his car.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  On me?

• 1:00:33Bobby Lee?

  Whose car?

• 1:00:34Speaker 03

  Jim Painter's.

• 1:00:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I, I, yeah, so Jim Painter was a comic, and I made the mistake of peeing on his car.

• 1:00:40Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  No, back up. Please, keep back up.

• 1:00:42Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, there's more?

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta keep back. All these where you like get to the end, but you're like, oh, wait, we'll cause it, we'll cause it, we'll cause it.

• 1:00:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:00:48Bobby Lee?

  Oh, there's cause and effect?

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  Cause, yeah.

• 1:00:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I, I see, I didn't know.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  Bobby?

• 1:00:53Bobby Lee?

  I didn't know.

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  Only effect, only effect.

• 1:00:54Bobby Lee?

  I thought pee was the beginning.

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  No, yeah, no.

• 1:00:57Bobby Lee?

  Pee was not the beginning, all right.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, back up, back up, back up, back up.

• 1:01:00Bobby Lee?

  Back that up.

• 1:01:01Speaker 05

  He was blessed.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  Bobby has-

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  In Escondido, there was a man who thought he could take advantage of a defenseless child. Forward 20 years.

• 1:01:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Bobby likes doing.

• 1:01:10Bobby Lee?

  That was in Minnesota.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  It was Minnesota?

• 1:01:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:12Speaker 04

  Where's Escondido?

• 1:01:13Bobby Lee?

  Near Poway. Yeah, I was, you mean the molestation?

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that was in Minnesota.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. You had to go on the road to get it?

• 1:01:19Bobby Lee?

  No, I lived in Minnesota.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Oh, what?

• 1:01:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  I didn't know that.

• 1:01:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I did. For 10 years.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Okay, he likes doing hugs. Occasionally, he would take his dick out, like, like Jackass gay.

• 1:01:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Jackass gay. Jackass gay, Jackass gay.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  Wait, you just took your dick out?

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:01:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're saying that you learned that from me?

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  Mentor.

• 1:01:37Bobby Lee?

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  The master?

• 1:01:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the ma- yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Bobby Lee?

  That's my favorite bow, dude. It's like a Templar. Wait, wait, wait, don't do that. Wait, wait, no, don't do that. Please don't do that. Listen to me, okay? First of all, first of all. I think that's an exaggeration. I think that was always in you.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  Well, oh.

• 1:01:58Speaker 05

  Oh, you brought it out of him, but that's what a real master does.

• 1:02:00Speaker 03

  You had the power all along.

• 1:02:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  Your penis was there.

• 1:02:03Bobby Lee?

  No, you hang out with like-minded people, right? And it's always in them to behave in this way.

• 1:02:09Speaker 03

  Maybe that's what brought you, drew you to me, because you weren't, you didn't help every, every door.

• 1:02:12Bobby Lee?

  Another thing that you did was, when you first started doing comedy, you mimicked some of my styling.

• 1:02:18Speaker 03

  Probably, yeah.

• 1:02:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and you, if I would get a wristband, a sweatband, you would get a sweatband.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  Well, the difference was, you were a skater and I was a poser.

• 1:02:27Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  So I.

• 1:02:28Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, I was scared?

• 1:02:30Speaker 03

  Skater.

• 1:02:30Bobby Lee?

  I was skater, I never skated.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  Poser. You can skate.

• 1:02:33Bobby Lee?

  I can skate a little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  I can.

• 1:02:35Bobby Lee?

  But you were a poser.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36Bobby Lee?

  So I would.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, that style was so cool, toy machine.

• 1:02:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I would wear toy machines, zero, you know what I mean? I'd wear sweatbands, skate shoes, like the new Jeff Rollies, right?

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, the wristband, the colored wristband. It was so cool.

• 1:02:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  Imagine taking fashion advice from Bobby, and I did. I was like, this guy's so stylish, I want to emulate him.

• 1:02:56Bobby Lee?

  Also, onstage, you would hold a mic in a certain way, that was like my style. Yeah, that's me, Ari, back in, look how tan I was then.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  I like, I like that.

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, there's a wristband.

• 1:03:06Bobby Lee?

  There's a wristband, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I stopped wearing it because you started wearing it.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:03:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  Who is that guy?

• 1:03:12Bobby Lee?

  That's a guy by the name of Paul Hughes.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Had a good show in, like, Stockton or something.

• 1:03:18Speaker 05

  It's funny, you guys chose the least stylish photo of Bobby I've ever seen in my entire life. He's just learning.

• 1:03:23Bobby Lee?

  Still raw denim. Raw denim.

• 1:03:24Speaker 05

  You're great.

• 1:03:25Bobby Lee?

  Still raw denim.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  Is that really raw denim?

• 1:03:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Still raw denim. Look at, look at the knees.

• 1:03:29Speaker 04

  Oh, you look at your little face.

• 1:03:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. So anyway, um.

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  So chubby.

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. When the fuck was that?

• 1:03:35Bobby Lee?

  I don't know when that was.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  Where was this?

• 1:03:36Bobby Lee?

  Two thousand and three.

• 1:03:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, that looks like.

• 1:03:38Speaker 03

  Two thousand and three?

• 1:03:39Bobby Lee?

  Two thou-

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  Who the fuck's Getty? Why does Getty own my image?

• 1:03:41Bobby Lee?

  I, I have no idea.

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  Michael Schwartz. Oh, he used to be around.

• 1:03:44Bobby Lee?

  This is at the Ice House. At the Ice House.

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:03:46Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see. And Paul Hughes apparently is giving me comedy tips.

• 1:03:52Speaker 03

  You're laughing, like, how dare you?

• 1:03:55Bobby Lee?

  How dare you?

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  Close to each other.

• 1:03:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I, I have no idea.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  This is the gay-

• 1:03:59Bobby Lee?

  Well, maybe you're a little gay.

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Learned from you, Bobby.

• 1:04:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Okay, so, let's go back to the-

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  Okay, so now he likes doing some gay stuff, and he knows there's limits.

• 1:04:08Speaker 05

  Can we just go to pee?

• 1:04:09Bobby Lee?

  Let's, okay.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  So you tried to give Jim a hug. You're like, Jim, give me a hug. And Jim was a very, kind of, he was like, I don't, I'm from, like, rural, like, I don't play that at all. Jim, give me a hug, or I'm gonna piss on your car.

• 1:04:21Bobby Lee?

  Ah.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  And that's when Jim was like-

• 1:04:23Bobby Lee?

  Well, in my culture, if I ask for a hug, I want a hug.

• 1:04:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? Um, and I think in many cultures it's that way.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  For a long time it was.

• 1:04:33Bobby Lee?

  For a long time it's, in some cultures, they kiss on the cheek.

• 1:04:36Speaker 05

  We do it all day long.

• 1:04:37Bobby Lee?

  Men do, right? Yeah, so it's like, um, to me, it was a cultural denial.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  Denial of culture and just like-

• 1:04:45Bobby Lee?

  And racism.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  West Hollywood culture.

• 1:04:46Bobby Lee?

  And racism.

• 1:04:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  Double cultural denial.

• 1:04:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 05

  I like how you turned pissing onto somebody's car into like a, a hero's story.

• 1:04:52Bobby Lee?

  The hero's journey.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  You were, okay-

• 1:04:54Bobby Lee?

  Well, there are consequences to one's action.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  There's consequence. You have to comply.

• 1:04:57Bobby Lee?

  And that's, that's a universal law.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  This actually reminds me of a story of the-

• 1:05:02Bobby Lee?

  You, you, you attack Iran-

• 1:05:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:04Bobby Lee?

  On behalf of Israel.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  You're the Israeli, he's the Palestinian.

• 1:05:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  Like, do what I say, or you get it hard.

• 1:05:10Bobby Lee?

  Stuck in a quagmire, right? And these are consequences of one's action.

• 1:05:13Speaker 03

  Also, to, to back you up on this, we've all done that, said something, and like, ah, maybe I shouldn't have said it.

• 1:05:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  You had no choice now.

• 1:05:19Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:05:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I had no choice.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  You will never get respect anymore if you go, okay, I'm gonna put, I'm gonna-

• 1:05:23Bobby Lee?

  You have to double down.

• 1:05:24Speaker 03

  It's like a Hattori Hanzo.

• 1:05:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  Your dick is a Hattori Hanzo. It must-

• 1:05:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, exactly. Must say, yeah. Let me tell you something, dude. It was manufactured in Japan. Yeah, by a samurai, an ancient samurai. FYI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh, did you know that? I did not. It's new news. No.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  You're Japanese?

• 1:05:43Bobby Lee?

  Wait, what? No, my penis is so.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:05:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a new, uh, Hanzo.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  Cause it doesn't like women? Cause Japanese culture doesn't like women?

• 1:05:51Bobby Lee?

  That's not even true, and I have no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  They breed all the time.

• 1:05:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:05:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that was, um...

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  Patio shift now.

• 1:05:58Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  Patio shift now, she's moving.

• 1:05:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're not working there anymore.

• 1:06:03Speaker 05

  You're working at the Laugh Factory.

• 1:06:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you're a Laugh Factory guy.

• 1:06:05Speaker 05

  You're a Laugh Factory now. You're a waitress at the Laugh Factory.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  Laugh Factory door guys are not fun.

• 1:06:11Bobby Lee?

  Anyway, so then I pee on his car.

• 1:06:13Speaker 03

  He was very upset.

• 1:06:14Bobby Lee?

  Very upset about it. Although, can I make an argument of peeing in one's car?

• 1:06:18Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  And this, by the way, this was on the front bumper.

• 1:06:21Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  Like, it's not in the car.

• 1:06:24Bobby Lee?

  Right. So what I'm saying is, is that, you know what I mean? It's a minor...

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  Minor infraction.

• 1:06:29Bobby Lee?

  Infraction.

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  Beyond that.

• 1:06:30Bobby Lee?

  But he... How about you?

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  Beyond minor. You drive through worse probably in L.A. every single day.

• 1:06:34Bobby Lee?

  Bugs, you know what I mean? You know what I mean?

• 1:06:36Speaker 04

  Wait, but was it in front of him?

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:06:38Bobby Lee?

  Of course, it has to. You have to lock eyes.

• 1:06:40Speaker 03

  And, and, and his friends, and he locked eyes.

• 1:06:42Bobby Lee?

  You have to lock eyes.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  His friends.

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  So you just in, in front of him?

• 1:06:45Bobby Lee?

  And with, and with a smile, like.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  And he said, "Do not do it."

• 1:06:47Speaker 04

  And what type of car?

• 1:06:48Speaker 03

  Beat-up old car.

• 1:06:49Bobby Lee?

  Beat-up old car, it doesn't matter.

• 1:06:51Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:06:51Bobby Lee?

  Now, if it was a Tim Dillon car, obviously I would not do it.

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  Let's do it tonight. Have you ever, have you ever, have you ever pissed on a Rolls-Royce, dude? Let's go piss on his car.

• 1:07:02Bobby Lee?

  Fuck it, let's. But his car is so nice.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  What's that faggot gonna do?

• 1:07:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:09Speaker 03

  Hit us with one of his rich canes?

• 1:07:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He does have many rich canes. So, anyway, um, let me think about that.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:07:18Bobby Lee?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  I'll think about that right now.

• 1:07:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he deserves it, I think.

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:21Bobby Lee?

  Cause he flaked on me.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  He's the number one flake.

• 1:07:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. A, a week, a couple of weeks ago, he fully flaked on me. And so maybe he doesn't deserve a little pee-pee on his, um...

• 1:07:30Speaker 03

  I asked him to do my storytelling show, the one that's out, and, and he was like, "Yes, I'll do it." And then I'm like, everyone's like, "Tim Dillon's doing it?" I'm like, "Tim Dillon said he's doing it."

• 1:07:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:37Speaker 03

  And then like a week later, still like a month out, he goes, "He's not doing it." Everyone's like disappointed. I'm like, "It's better he told us now."

• 1:07:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 03

  He was always gonna flake.

• 1:07:44Bobby Lee?

  On me day of.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  That's hit, that's Tim Dillon.

• 1:07:46Bobby Lee?

  That's Tim Dillon. How many times have we booked him on the show and he never even showed, we were just sitting here waiting for him?

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  I think three.

• 1:07:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, three times.

• 1:07:53Speaker 03

  Dude, I've gone to my studio for my podcast in New York. He goes, oh, sorry buddy, the flight. Uh, I couldn't get on because I'm like, why now dude?

• 1:08:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:01Speaker 03

  What are you talking? This doesn't even make sense.

• 1:08:02Bobby Lee?

  You're supposed to be here, I'm in the Hamptons.

• 1:08:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all the way across the other side of the country.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  I don't think I'm gonna make it. You don't think?

• 1:08:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in the Hampton, you're never gonna get here. Anyway, so that let's, that's a great pop proposition.

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:08:18Bobby Lee?

  All right, and let me consider it.

• 1:08:20Speaker 03

  Ruminate.

• 1:08:20Bobby Lee?

  Let me ruminate, consider, you know what I mean?

• 1:08:22Speaker 03

  Let me take a dump on this.

• 1:08:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Take a dump on that, please, please don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 1:08:28Bobby Lee?

  All right, so I pee on his car.

• 1:08:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:30Bobby Lee?

  And.

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  He's mad.

• 1:08:31Bobby Lee?

  Obviously.

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  He texted, it's not just you peed on my car, but also that was demeaning on purpose in front of my friends.

• 1:08:36Speaker 04

  In front of his friends is kinda.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Added detail.

• 1:08:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:39Speaker 03

  Tim Dillon didn't get passed by Mitzi.

• 1:08:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not real.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  Doesn't matter.

• 1:08:42Bobby Lee?

  That's not real, yeah. Spade, not real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they didn't get passed by Mitzi, right? And you didn't get passed by Mitzi.

• 1:08:48Speaker 05

  That's true.

• 1:08:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Kevin Christie was the last one.

• 1:08:51Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  Kevin Christie was the last one.

• 1:08:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Kevin Christie. And who got Kevin Christie into comedy?

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  You did.

• 1:08:56Bobby Lee?

  I did.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  Who did all the art for my new storytelling show.

• 1:08:59Bobby Lee?

  Kevin Christie.

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:09:00Bobby Lee?

  Right, because of me.

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Because of you.

• 1:09:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  Got us all together.

• 1:09:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's all a circle of life.

• 1:09:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:05Bobby Lee?

  It's like The Lion King. Okay, so what's this?

• 1:09:09Speaker 05

  You said Sam Tripoli, you hit his car.

• 1:09:11Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  You hit his car. What, how did you think you were gonna get out? What was the angle on that?

• 1:09:19Speaker 05

  You also relapsed.

• 1:09:19Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, I had relapsed.

• 1:09:21Speaker 05

  You relapsed.

• 1:09:22Bobby Lee?

  I had relapsed.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  Oh, you were a drunk driver?

• 1:09:23Bobby Lee?

  No, I wasn't drunk driving and I purposely did it.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  You saw Cambodia there. You look like a different thing there.

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  Why is your face shaped like this?

• 1:09:32Bobby Lee?

  Well, because I have Cambodian looks.

• 1:09:34Speaker 04

  It looks like V from Vendetta.

• 1:09:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, when I get angry, I turn Cambodian, do like pole pot.

• 1:09:38Speaker 03

  Oh my god, yeah.

• 1:09:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so, um.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Honey face, you look like, um, uh, who's the guy, there was a horror movie where he played a witch building dolls?

• 1:09:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:45Speaker 04

  Oh, Nicholas Cage.

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:50Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:51Speaker 03

  Look how fat a piece of shit Tripoli is there.

• 1:09:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, look at us.

• 1:09:54Speaker 03

  Wait, who's got the camera?

• 1:09:56Bobby Lee?

  I don't know who has the camera, but.

• 1:09:58Speaker 03

  And who's filming for the other, there's two cameras here.

• 1:10:00Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, I don't know what the hell the thing is, but I had to pay $5,000 for that.

• 1:10:04Speaker 03

  You smashed into his car.

• 1:10:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Anyway, let's go back to, uh, the, the, uh, the saga.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  So you saw he was mad and you're like, shit, I might have gone too far.

• 1:10:13Bobby Lee?

  But, but let me ask you something.

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:16Bobby Lee?

  To, to, to the judge.

• 1:10:17Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:10:18Bobby Lee?

  Jury, right?

• 1:10:18Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 1:10:19Bobby Lee?

  And, um, I, I only peed on his, um, bumper.

• 1:10:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Bobby Lee?

  In the front.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  Only bumper?

• 1:10:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, only bumper. So now, do you think that, what, what, what, what consequences do I deserve there?

• 1:10:30Speaker 05

  Can I ask you a question? How long have you been a paid regular at this point?

• 1:10:32Bobby Lee?

  Me?

• 1:10:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  Since before we got there.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  Since, uh, wait.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  For a long time. Which means, he was always a paid regular.

• 1:10:36Speaker 05

  Senior.

• 1:10:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 05

  I mean, massive.

• 1:10:37Bobby Lee?

  I've always been one.

• 1:10:38Speaker 05

  Elder.

• 1:10:39Bobby Lee?

  I'm an elder.

• 1:10:40Speaker 03

  Elder, yeah.

• 1:10:40Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I'm an elder, yeah.

• 1:10:42Speaker 04

  Can I ask?

• 1:10:42Bobby Lee?

  I'm the Ayatollah.

• 1:10:43Speaker 05

  Judge Root?

• 1:10:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you want to go back to war, I'm the Ayatollah.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  And because you use that word?

• 1:10:48Bobby Lee?

  And he's not Israel. No, he's a Congo.

• 1:10:51Speaker 04

  How much water did you drink?

• 1:10:53Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  How much water did you drink that day?

• 1:10:55Speaker 03

  Good question.

• 1:10:55Bobby Lee?

  I don't drink a lot of water.

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  I don't remember being an exceptionally long pee.

• 1:10:58Bobby Lee?

  Thank you so much. That's my defense.

• 1:10:59Speaker 05

  But, the, see, if it's not a long pee, it's a smelly pee, because it's dehydrated.

• 1:11:03Speaker 04

  That's what I was thinking.

• 1:11:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:04Speaker 04

  Is it a red bowl?

• 1:11:05Speaker 03

  Extra yellow.

• 1:11:06Bobby Lee?

  Extra yellow.

• 1:11:07Speaker 05

  It's kind of chunky.

• 1:11:08Speaker 03

  A longer, clear pee is less damaging than a short yellow pee.

• 1:11:11Bobby Lee?

  Although, can I say that, I'm a yellow person, insides are yellow.

• 1:11:14Speaker 05

  Yellow, okay.

• 1:11:15Bobby Lee?

  It's, well, it makes it yellower.

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's an optical illusion.

• 1:11:17Bobby Lee?

  It's, it's an optical.

• 1:11:21Speaker 05

  It's actually clear.

• 1:11:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, it was actually clear pee.

• 1:11:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  Does that why you wear those yellow tinted glasses so you can't see Bobby?

• 1:11:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, he can't see me right now, you're right.

• 1:11:35Speaker 05

  He's only listening.

• 1:11:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so what I'm saying is, is that, um, what do you think now, with all the evidence that you have?

• 1:11:42Speaker 05

  Not guilty, dude.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause.

• 1:11:44Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  We're not done with the story yet.

• 1:11:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we just got to the first part.

• 1:11:48Speaker 03

  Defense calls more details.

• 1:11:49Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  So Bobby says, okay, and just said, I thought you were like, I went far. I can see you're angry, whether or not I was wrong, I'm gonna be a gentleman about this, tell me if I'm wrong, and I'm gonna take you, Jim, out for a sandwich at Jerry's Deli.

• 1:12:03Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  Sandwich?

• 1:12:04Speaker 03

  We could, we were poor.

• 1:12:05Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:12:05Speaker 03

  Bobby was the only one buying us meals.

• 1:12:07Bobby Lee?

  Different Bobby. I always buy people's meals. No, I mean like. Buy nicer stuff.

• 1:12:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, now you're he saying.

• 1:12:15Bobby Lee?

  Let's get this correct.

• 1:12:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:17Bobby Lee?

  Can we get this correct, right? How many meals have I bought you, Ramsey?

• 1:12:20Speaker 05

  I've eaten like a king because of you, Bobby, but I think the.

• 1:12:22Bobby Lee?

  Okay, no, no, I'm not done.

• 1:12:23Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:12:23Bobby Lee?

  All right. I am not done.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  You're not done.

• 1:12:26Bobby Lee?

  How many meals have I bought you? I'm not using it against you because I'm happy to do it. And I've always done that through the history of time.

• 1:12:31Speaker 04

  Maybe four or five.

• 1:12:32Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  Do me.

• 1:12:33Bobby Lee?

  But what?

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  Do me.

• 1:12:34Bobby Lee?

  How many meals have I bought you?

• 1:12:35Speaker 03

  Hundreds.

• 1:12:35Bobby Lee?

  Okay, thank you so much.

• 1:12:36Speaker 04

  Wait, but.

• 1:12:36Bobby Lee?

  Me, thousands. Okay, so here we go.

• 1:12:39Speaker 04

  What the hell?

• 1:12:39Bobby Lee?

  All right, what do you mean, what the hell?

• 1:12:40Speaker 04

  I only got four or five.

• 1:12:41Bobby Lee?

  You're new.

• 1:12:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:12:42Bobby Lee?

  Right, become a pay regular.

• 1:12:46Bobby Lee?

  And I also don't want to pay for two.

• 1:12:51Bobby Lee?

  Economy's tough, man. It's economy's tough, dude. All right, I gotta pay for your friend too.

• 1:12:58Bobby Lee?

  So, um.

• 1:13:02Bobby Lee?

  So, um, all right, so.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  So the bizarre, no, that's not a good, that's a big, that was a big get.

• 1:13:06Speaker 05

  That's a big get.

• 1:13:07Speaker 03

  We couldn't afford that on our own.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  Yes, I hear it.

• 1:13:10Bobby Lee?

  So did I buy him, did I buy him jerrys?

• 1:13:12Speaker 03

  Well, extra detail.

• 1:13:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  As soon as you, and this you'll play like this.

• 1:13:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  You're like, Jim, let me take you out for a meal. And then me and Aaron Kater, no, no, me and Mike Black.

• 1:13:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  Me and Mike Black.

• 1:13:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:23Speaker 03

  We're like, we're like, can we come?

• 1:13:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:26Speaker 03

  Even though we weren't part of it.

• 1:13:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:28Speaker 03

  Bobby said yes.

• 1:13:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:13:29Speaker 05

  That's a big meal too, if Mike Black's there.

• 1:13:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that was.

• 1:13:34Bobby Lee?

  That was five people.

• 1:13:35Speaker 03

  Five sandwiches between us.

• 1:13:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, five extra people.

• 1:13:38Speaker 03

  All fixins, fries, steak fries.

• 1:13:41Bobby Lee?

  Steak fries, dude, yeah.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  All of it.

• 1:13:42Bobby Lee?

  I don't chintz.

• 1:13:43Speaker 04

  You don't what?

• 1:13:44Bobby Lee?

  No, I don't.

• 1:13:45Speaker 03

  You don't chintz.

• 1:13:47Speaker 04

  That sounds like an.

• 1:13:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but isn't that a word?

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Chintz, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's an old timey word about I'm not cheap.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  I don't chintz.

• 1:13:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  That word'll give you rickets.

• 1:13:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:58Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  And so then we finished the meal.

• 1:14:01Bobby Lee?

  I paid. With Jim Painter. But, but let me ask you this.

• 1:14:05Speaker 03

  Pay for me too.

• 1:14:06Bobby Lee?

  In the dinner, you think that James Painter was ruminating about revenge?

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  I think he was in the process of forgiving you. I think he was letting it out and he goes, he's expressed remorse, that's in his head.

• 1:14:18Bobby Lee?

  And I did.

• 1:14:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, and, and right, and he goes, he did this for me, I actually desperately need a meal. I love it. Okay, great. And then Mike went to take a dump, he takes dumps as soon as the meal's over and whips them out fast. He takes a lot of dumps.

• 1:14:30Speaker 05

  It's gotta be a lot.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  We went to pee. And then we were like, let's go back to our cars, we drove separately, Bobby parked over there, Jim parked over there.

• 1:14:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  And then.

• 1:14:41Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I believe a fib is about to happen.

• 1:14:43Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 1:14:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, I feel like the current.

• 1:14:45Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 1:14:46Bobby Lee?

  I feel like, no, no, I.

• 1:14:48Speaker 03

  Order, order. Order, order, the defense has the floor. Oh, no, no.

• 1:14:54Bobby Lee?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:14:54Speaker 05

  I can finish this story, story knowing the rule of comedy, I think, right now.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  So, so, Bobby's like, are we good? And Jim really feels it, yes, when you get a real apology from someone, you do, you get that moment of like, that was, I, I see you mean it, and I'm, I'm okay with it. I, of course I was hurt, but we're done, and hopefully that behavior will never happen again, you don't say that, but that's what's going on in your mind. I'm getting ready to leave, Bobby goes over to his car, and on his way to his car, waiting for Mike Black, so we're across the street and down just a touch. And then Bobby pulled his dick out, pissed all over Jim's door. And then jumped in his car and drove off.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  Bobby.

• 1:15:37Speaker 05

  That's tough. That's really tough.

• 1:15:40Speaker 00

  He'll find a way to get out, he'll find a way. You'll find a way.

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  You know me, well. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:44Speaker 00

  I believe it.

• 1:15:44Speaker 04

  Bobby.

• 1:15:45Bobby Lee?

  I'm not done.

• 1:15:47Speaker 05

  It's not done.

• 1:15:47Speaker 03

  Objection or no?

• 1:15:48Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  Objection or no?

• 1:15:49Bobby Lee?

  I object.

• 1:15:50Speaker 03

  Okay, what's your objection?

• 1:15:51Bobby Lee?

  I object, I don't recall that.

• 1:15:52Speaker 03

  Dude, you nailed it so hard, it was so well played.

• 1:15:55Bobby Lee?

  Number one, I don't recall it, right? I really, because he would, to me, it's like, once I mend with a nation, right? I cease to the negotiation.

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  I think what you did.

• 1:16:06Bobby Lee?

  And that's who, that's who I am as a person.

• 1:16:08Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  That feels very...

• 1:16:09Bobby Lee?

  Excuse me?

• 1:16:10Speaker 05

  Repeat that, once you mend?

• 1:16:12Bobby Lee?

  No, what I'm saying is like, once I negotiate, right? And I apologize to a nation, right? That I did something wrong, right? And we do a settled agreement, right? I don't go back and rip it up.

• 1:16:24Speaker 03

  Okay, can I tell you something else?

• 1:16:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, don't put your hand up like that.

• 1:16:27Speaker 03

  That's like a good leader, that's like a good leader.

• 1:16:29Speaker 04

  That's like a North Korean kind of a...

• 1:16:30Speaker 03

  But now you're also a comedian. So now imagine if you got Benjamin Yajun Yazu.

• 1:16:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:37Speaker 03

  And Yasser Arafat, is he still the guy in charge?

• 1:16:39Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, I have no idea.

• 1:16:40Speaker 05

  He's been dead for 40 years.

• 1:16:40Speaker 03

  Oh, what? I'm just finding out right now.

• 1:16:42Bobby Lee?

  It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. We'll mourn him later.

• 1:16:44Speaker 03

  And what say they made a big peace deal? They made a big peace deal. And it's like, oh my god, this is like crazy. And now they're in front of the cameras and they're gonna shake hands. And it's gonna be this massive moment of everyone, our nations around the world looking. But, you're Benjamin Yazu. And you're also a comedian.

• 1:17:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:01Speaker 03

  You're a comedian. So, Arafat goes to shake your hand and, and, and you know this is peace. But then you go, yoop.

• 1:17:08Bobby Lee?

  Psych, you get him with the psych, yeah.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  It's cause it's funny and you know it'd be funny. So you're torn in two directions.

• 1:17:13Bobby Lee?

  It's the itch of getting the laugh.

• 1:17:16Speaker 03

  And you gotta laugh for me, buddy.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  I think it was...

• 1:17:20Bobby Lee?

  So, here's, here's what I'm saying. It's a high level move, that's my defense, okay?

• 1:17:26Bobby Lee?

  Number one, it's, thank you for helping me.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's a defense.

• 1:17:30Bobby Lee?

  You're a prosecutor and a defender.

• 1:17:32Speaker 03

  I was like, wow.

• 1:17:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:34Speaker 03

  Wait me one day, actually.

• 1:17:35Bobby Lee?

  So what, what I wanna say to you as the, instinctually as a comic, right? You mean, we make this fake deal, right? You know what I mean? And we're cool, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, right? And then I pee on his car again, okay? It's so funny.

• 1:17:48Speaker 03

  It's so funny. And I don't think you planned it the whole time?

• 1:17:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  I think you saw an opportunity for a joke and you're like, oh.

• 1:17:53Bobby Lee?

  It was instinctual, yeah, yeah. And I did, did have to pee. And the pee was also just white.

• 1:17:57Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:17:58Bobby Lee?

  Okay, so that's, that's good.

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  That's cum.

• 1:18:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cum?

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  On the door, on the door, past your door.

• 1:18:04Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so that's what, is that the end of the pee sequence?

• 1:18:07Speaker 03

  Okay, so now I'm standing, so you both, that's the end of the pee sequence.

• 1:18:10Speaker 04

  Can I ask one?

• 1:18:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:18:12Speaker 04

  So, it wasn't, um, premeditati- premeditational the pee?

• 1:18:16Speaker 03

  I don't think the second one.

• 1:18:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's like, so is there a difference between, uh, uh...

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  Attempted.

• 1:18:22Bobby Lee?

  Attempted murder or premeditated murder.

• 1:18:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you were like, hey Jim, go over there, I want to show you something, and that's it, that's different.

• 1:18:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:28Speaker 03

  You saw last second opportunity.

• 1:18:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was instinctual.

• 1:18:31Speaker 05

  Heat of the moment.

• 1:18:32Bobby Lee?

  Heat of the moment.

• 1:18:33Speaker 05

  You walked in on your wife with somebody else.

• 1:18:34Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, I happened to have a shotgun.

• 1:18:36Speaker 03

  And then you peed on it.

• 1:18:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:38Speaker 04

  The shotgun was your wiener.

• 1:18:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that.

• 1:18:43Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:18:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, that's still open mic.

• 1:18:45Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:18:49Speaker 04

  Don't pee on me Bobby.

• 1:18:51Bobby Lee?

  I don't do that anymore.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  He's a different guy now.

• 1:18:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm a different guy now. So, um, I play by the rules now, you know what I mean?

• 1:18:57Speaker 03

  This is before you could afford like a fucking.

• 1:18:58Speaker 04

  I think you'd pee on my car if you could.

• 1:19:00Bobby Lee?

  No, I wouldn't.

• 1:19:01Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:19:01Bobby Lee?

  No, no, I've had many opportunities.

• 1:19:04Speaker 03

  True, seen your car, yeah, I've done it.

• 1:19:06Bobby Lee?

  The instinct's there, right, and the drive is there, but the motivation's gone.

• 1:19:10Speaker 03

  Now that you know this story.

• 1:19:11Speaker 05

  Wise man.

• 1:19:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a wise, I'm old man Bob.

• 1:19:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:14Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  Old wise man Bob.

• 1:19:15Bobby Lee?

  Wise man, old wise man Bob, alright, so, with that, so, Judge.

• 1:19:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:20Bobby Lee?

  With that in place.

• 1:19:21Speaker 03

  With that new in place.

• 1:19:22Bobby Lee?

  With that new, like, like, it was just an instinct, I'm a comedian, I had to do it for, I'm not doing it for James, I'm trying to make him laugh.

• 1:19:30Speaker 03

  You did?

• 1:19:31Bobby Lee?

  And it made him laugh hysterically, the price of a laugh, right?

• 1:19:35Speaker 04

  With James.

• 1:19:35Bobby Lee?

  What is that worth to you?

• 1:19:37Speaker 03

  But also.

• 1:19:37Bobby Lee?

  Judge, what is that worth to you?

• 1:19:40Speaker 04

  Depends.

• 1:19:40Speaker 05

  I mean, yeah, it's, it, look, it's worth a lot to me, but in the moment, I'm thinking of myself as James.

• 1:19:45Speaker 03

  As James.

• 1:19:45Bobby Lee?

  Ah.

• 1:19:47Speaker 05

  And I, it's tough, because in that moment.

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  I'm not mad at you.

• 1:19:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, he, yeah, there's no beef between you and him, you, you know, you're.

• 1:19:53Bobby Lee?

  Well.

• 1:19:54Speaker 03

  The beef is in our bellies.

• 1:19:54Bobby Lee?

  I understand that.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  Imagine, imagine.

• 1:19:56Bobby Lee?

  I know, but when you hear, when you hear the second half of the story, you know what I mean?

• 1:20:00Speaker 04

  Wait, this isn't even the second half?

• 1:20:02Speaker 03

  Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

• 1:20:03Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's, this is the beginning.

• 1:20:06Speaker 03

  Five minutes left in the second.

• 1:20:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:08Speaker 04

  Prequel.

• 1:20:08Bobby Lee?

  This is a new hope, we're not at the fucking J.J. Abrams movies yet, okay? This is episode four, okay, of Star Wars. There's the Clone Wars before, and then we go, you know what I mean?

• 1:20:20Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:20:20Bobby Lee?

  So here's the thing, okay?

• 1:20:21Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:20:22Bobby Lee?

  Is, is that, what, what's really astonishing about this whole setup, is he had something to do with the second half.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  So, so, oh, oh, oh, I forgot, I forgot for the first half. I forgot something in the first half.

• 1:20:34Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, you can't say it.

• 1:20:35Speaker 03

  Why not?

• 1:20:36Bobby Lee?

  First half is over.

• 1:20:36Speaker 05

  It's inadmissible.

• 1:20:37Bobby Lee?

  It's written, it's, yeah, it's, it.

• 1:20:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you'll help me, oh, we'll whisper to him.

• 1:20:44Speaker 05

  Here's the thing.

• 1:20:45Speaker 06

  And for more stories like this, check out Ari's new story.

• 1:20:48Speaker 05

  As they whisper this, I just want to be clear about something. You guys are the jury here.

• 1:20:52Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, okay. All right, so here we go, here we go, here we go. Okay. Go ahead.

• 1:20:56Speaker 03

  So during the very first pee, before it happened, Bobby was standing over his car and he goes, give me your hug or I'm gonna pee. I believe I remember me going, Bobby, if you make a threat and don't follow through, he'll never respect you. Oh.

• 1:21:09Speaker 04

  Accomplice.

• 1:21:10Bobby Lee?

  Accomplice, right. But that still doesn't happen, help him in the second half of the story.

• 1:21:16Speaker 05

  It doesn't help Jim.

• 1:21:17Bobby Lee?

  It doesn't help him.

• 1:21:18Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:21:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:19Speaker 05

  So you're trying to say that Ari should be on trial and not you?

• 1:21:23Bobby Lee?

  I'm, I'm the victim.

• 1:21:24Speaker 05

  You're the victim?

• 1:21:25Speaker 03

  You're the victim?

• 1:21:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm the victim, dude.

• 1:21:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:21:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, there is a real victim in this and you're gonna like who it is.

• 1:21:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:32Speaker 04

  Wait, is it Mike Black?

• 1:21:33Speaker 03

  Later.

• 1:21:34Speaker 04

  Where is Mike Black during all of this?

• 1:21:36Speaker 03

  Mike Black is right as Bobby's feeding off.

• 1:21:39Bobby Lee?

  He's still eating.

• 1:21:40Speaker 03

  He's taking leftovers off people's plates.

• 1:21:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he's still at the restaurant.

• 1:21:42Speaker 03

  Steak bars are clear themselves.

• 1:21:46Speaker 03

  So as he's going, puttering off like fucking the Jets, and that's when Mike Black comes out to what he's clearly sees like, oh, there's something. Like we're walking our friends with.

• 1:21:56Bobby Lee?

  Escalation.

• 1:21:56Speaker 03

  Breaking up with a girlfriend, and you're like, oh.

• 1:21:59Bobby Lee?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:21:59Speaker 03

  He feels it, there's some anger.

• 1:22:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:02Speaker 03

  Jim is livid.

• 1:22:03Bobby Lee?

  So Jim's livid, what's Mike?

• 1:22:04Speaker 03

  Shaking, dude.

• 1:22:05Bobby Lee?

  What's Mike's?

• 1:22:07Speaker 03

  Mike goes, what's going on?

• 1:22:09Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good.

• 1:22:10Speaker 05

  Peacemaker.

• 1:22:10Speaker 03

  Jim is shaking with rage. I've never seen it before or since.

• 1:22:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  He can't pull his body.

• 1:22:16Bobby Lee?

  It's white rage, and can we talk about that?

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  White rage is the most dangerous.

• 1:22:20Bobby Lee?

  It's the most dangerous rage, you know what I mean? It's edomite rage.

• 1:22:24Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:22:25Bobby Lee?

  And that's something that people have to Google.

• 1:22:27Speaker 05

  Uh-huh.

• 1:22:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but.

• 1:22:28Speaker 05

  I mean, I know, I'm a judge, but yeah, I get it.

• 1:22:30Speaker 04

  What's edomite?

• 1:22:31Speaker 05

  I'm pretty.

• 1:22:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, isao, isao, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? I think that the, anyway, let's just move on, okay?

• 1:22:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, let's strike that from the record.

• 1:22:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, strike that from the record.

• 1:22:41Speaker 05

  Strike that from the record.

• 1:22:42Bobby Lee?

  But it's, um, some of my friends have white rage, and the rage is, they, like, I'll, I'll give you an example. White people, when they serial kill, they have to do extra. They have to eat them, they have to use the skin as lampshades, you know what I mean? They have to do extra stuff. Right?

• 1:22:58Speaker 03

  You don't just punch your friend because you're wrong, you say, "I'm gonna punch you every time I see you."

• 1:23:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's, it's, this is what I, I'll, it's an old Russian reference, okay? If you hit me with a feather, I'm gonna hit you with a tank.

• 1:23:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  That's white rage.

• 1:23:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:14Speaker 05

  Sounds Israeli to me, but yeah.

• 1:23:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they opted it from the Russians, right? So it's like, Jame, this guy, this character I'm saying, right? Has that mentality now, right? It's like, you hit me with a feather, I'm gonna hit you with a tank, and I don't think that's fair. I mean, I think it should be eye for an eye like the Bible.

• 1:23:32Speaker 03

  But no, but I don't like eye for an eye because if the person who started it went up to here, so he's ahead.

• 1:23:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but he started it by not hugging me.

• 1:23:39Speaker 03

  But it...

• 1:23:41Speaker 03

  That's one way to look at it.

• 1:23:41Speaker 04

  It all starts with gay stuff.

• 1:23:44Speaker 03

  It's one way to look at it.

• 1:23:45Bobby Lee?

  It's the only way to look at it.

• 1:23:47Speaker 05

  Elder paid regular comes up to you, wants a hug.

• 1:23:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:51Speaker 05

  Kind of his place.

• 1:23:52Speaker 03

  He's like, "I don't, I don't do, I don't do that gay shit, come on, man."

• 1:23:54Speaker 05

  What part of the comedy story is this, lot?

• 1:23:56Speaker 03

  Lot, by the door, by the door. Well, first it was all over the lot, and then it was down Sunset a little bit, running, as if Bobby's gonna be able to catch up to anyone.

• 1:24:03Bobby Lee?

  May I say something else?

• 1:24:04Speaker 05

  I, I'm gonna, yeah.

• 1:24:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, just by just that fact alone, right? He's not a paid regular.

• 1:24:10Speaker 05

  I, yeah, this is...

• 1:24:11Bobby Lee?

  But he has cars in the lot.

• 1:24:13Speaker 05

  This is a huge problem.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  Oh, that feels like a very...

• 1:24:18Bobby Lee?

  This is, it's a huge problem.

• 1:24:20Speaker 05

  This is, you got in a car accident and that guy doesn't have insurance. You go, "Why are you even on the fucking road?"

• 1:24:24Bobby Lee?

  Or a license.

• 1:24:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, why are you on the road?

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  It was late.

• 1:24:27Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:24:27Speaker 03

  It was late, at some point, late, something we got, we were allowed in there, but it's not...

• 1:24:31Bobby Lee?

  The rule is this.

• 1:24:32Speaker 03

  It wasn't promised to us 3,000 years ago.

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  It was, when it's late, we just kind of took it. This wasn't something that was promised.

• 1:24:40Bobby Lee?

  Okay. My defense is this, okay? What is his car doing there in the first place?

• 1:24:47Speaker 05

  This is evidence that it's really important.

• 1:24:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, it's ego. It's like, I have connections, you know what I mean? Like, I bought all the senators.

• 1:24:56Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:24:57Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:24:58Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 1:25:00Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 1:25:01Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:25:01Speaker 03

  Oh, oh.

• 1:25:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Very interesting. All right, so, yeah, so now this is the main, um, part of the story.

• 1:25:09Speaker 03

  At the end of that. Jim, like, Black comes out.

• 1:25:13Bobby Lee?

  Can we just move on from that chapter?

• 1:25:14Speaker 03

  Well, let me tell you what I saw. I saw a seething Jame Painter, unable, who we want to see here, Avengers, gone, and I was like, worried myself, I was like, whoa. I was like, "Are you mad?" And he was like, "I'm so mad."

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  Like, it was like, he was breaking his brain.

• 1:25:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:32Speaker 03

  And I was like, are you gonna get him back?

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  And now,

• 1:25:42Speaker 03

  Jim's mind, it went, it went,

• 1:25:45Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:25:46Speaker 03

  Make apology, repiss.

• 1:25:47Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, all right. Yes, I didn't see that part.

• 1:25:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, you were gone.

• 1:25:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because I just drove off.

• 1:25:53Speaker 03

  That's fun with friends.

• 1:25:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:55Speaker 03

  Fun having friends.

• 1:25:55Bobby Lee?

  With a cackle.

• 1:25:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:25:57Bobby Lee?

  With my infamous cackle.

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:25:59Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:26:00Speaker 03

  Okay, great.

• 1:26:00Bobby Lee?

  Driving into the night, you know what I mean?

• 1:26:02Speaker 04

  Little do you know, he's planning your murder.

• 1:26:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I didn't see the rage part.

• 1:26:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:06Bobby Lee?

  Right? Yeah, yeah, the trembling or anything.

• 1:26:08Speaker 03

  And I was like, shit, I gotta, I might have to talk to this, I was like,

• 1:26:11Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:26:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:11Bobby Lee?

  Now, now, now, let me tell you about, right, uh, white rage.

• 1:26:16Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and let me tell you about, um, how,

• 1:26:19Speaker 03

  He's gonna brick you.

• 1:26:19Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:26:20Speaker 03

  He's gonna tank you.

• 1:26:20Bobby Lee?

  He's gonna tank you, right? The precision, right?

• 1:26:24Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:26:24Bobby Lee?

  The planning.

• 1:26:25Speaker 03

  Can I tell, what he, this is what he told me, though. I was like, what are you gonna do? Like, I was worried.

• 1:26:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:30Speaker 03

  He goes, "I'm gonna shit on his car."

• 1:26:34Bobby Lee?

  Okay, so,

• 1:26:35Speaker 05

  Tank.

• 1:26:35Bobby Lee?

  Shaking. Yeah, the tank.

• 1:26:36Speaker 05

  Tank.

• 1:26:37Speaker 03

  Shaking.

• 1:26:37Speaker 04

  Log.

• 1:26:38Bobby Lee?

  So let me ask you, Judge, if I may, right? Does pee go straight to poo? And that's a philosophical question.

• 1:26:45Speaker 05

  It's a great philosophical question, too.

• 1:26:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:48Speaker 03

  Two Ps.

• 1:26:48Speaker 05

  Two Ps.

• 1:26:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, there's two Ps.

• 1:26:50Speaker 03

  And aggression.

• 1:26:51Bobby Lee?

  Versus a lot of poo.

• 1:26:52Speaker 03

  It's not like, oh shit, is that your car? I didn't mean to.

• 1:26:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh, what you're saying?

• 1:26:56Speaker 03

  I didn't mean to.

• 1:26:56Bobby Lee?

  Oh, what you're saying is, you didn't save the poo.

• 1:26:58Speaker 03

  An aggressive.

• 1:26:59Bobby Lee?

  You didn't save the poo.

• 1:27:00Speaker 03

  Hold on.

• 1:27:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, wait, wait. He saved the poo.

• 1:27:04Speaker 05

  Uh, uh, please refrain from asking the defense any questions.

• 1:27:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:07Speaker 05

  I will ask the question.

• 1:27:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:09Speaker 04

  Was it your poo?

• 1:27:09Speaker 05

  Counselor.

• 1:27:10Speaker 03

  So this is where you're gonna, this is where you're gonna be interested, especially.

• 1:27:13Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:27:14Speaker 03

  So, a few nights later, possibly the next night, possibly down the road.

• 1:27:18Bobby Lee?

  I think a couple of nights.

• 1:27:19Speaker 03

  Couple of nights later.

• 1:27:19Bobby Lee?

  Because you had, you had to surprise me.

• 1:27:21Speaker 05

  Yeah. You were on, you were saying you would be on your show.

• 1:27:23Bobby Lee?

  I was on my, yeah, I, I, I, still, I was still on my words.

• 1:27:26Speaker 03

  I think it might have been the next day because of the details of the poo.

• 1:27:31Speaker 04

  Oh, there was,

• 1:27:32Bobby Lee?

  Ah, okay, so here we go.

• 1:27:33Speaker 04

  Like a sandwich in there or something?

• 1:27:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:35Speaker 03

  So,

• 1:27:35Bobby Lee?

  No, it's worse.

• 1:27:36Speaker 03

  The car's in the parking lot, everybody's like, Bobby. Goes off to Sky Bar or Standard, I forget.

• 1:27:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:44Speaker 03

  I don't know, you went off.

• 1:27:45Bobby Lee?

  I was younger, I would do the club.

• 1:27:47Speaker 03

  He wasn't drinking, but he was like out, going out.

• 1:27:49Bobby Lee?

  Going out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  With.

• 1:27:51Bobby Lee?

  A guy?

• 1:27:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, in my class.

• 1:27:52Bobby Lee?

  Who?

• 1:27:53Speaker 03

  Aaron Kater.

• 1:27:54Bobby Lee?

  Good friend.

• 1:27:55Speaker 03

  Good friend.

• 1:27:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:56Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:27:56Speaker 03

  Palestinian.

• 1:27:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:57Bobby Lee?

  I love, and also, Judge, I've always loved the Palestinian.

• 1:28:00Speaker 05

  Okay, okay.

• 1:28:01Bobby Lee?

  And, and, and that's, and throughout history, I have.

• 1:28:04Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:28:05Bobby Lee?

  Okay, as you can see from, I mean, this court today.

• 1:28:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. So he's off. Jim's wrapping up, we're all working, Jim's saying goodbye, and I go, hey, hey, hey. Again, this might be my fault somewhat.

• 1:28:26Speaker 03

  Lots being revealed here.

• 1:28:28Bobby Lee?

  I know, I mean.

• 1:28:29Speaker 03

  It's a crazy case.

• 1:28:30Bobby Lee?

  I know this, so it's, it is your fault.

• 1:28:34Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean somewhat?

• 1:28:35Speaker 05

  I mean.

• 1:28:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean somewhat?

• 1:28:37Speaker 03

  So the lot's kind of emptied out, whatever, it's like late night, it's like 1:30 already. And he's like, our two, and he's like, I'm leaving. I was like, wait, Jim?

• 1:28:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:46Speaker 03

  Look whose car is there?

• 1:28:47Speaker 05

  Ah!

• 1:28:49Speaker 03

  Oh, it was. And he looks, and he's like, oh, I'm reminding him of the.

• 1:28:52Bobby Lee?

  What car was I driving then?

• 1:28:54Speaker 03

  I think it was Silver.

• 1:28:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it was a GTI, I think.

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:28:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a Volkswagen GTI.

• 1:29:00Speaker 03

  Volkswagen GTI, that's what it was.

• 1:29:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it was.

• 1:29:02Speaker 05

  Nice car.

• 1:29:03Bobby Lee?

  A little mighty car.

• 1:29:04Speaker 03

  And I think it later got impounded because he didn't pay parking tickets. It's the only car I've ever seen get totaled. Totaled from parking.

• 1:29:09Bobby Lee?

  You know that story. We will revisit, we'll revisit that story at a later day.

• 1:29:14Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:29:14Bobby Lee?

  Okay, we'll do a part two of this.

• 1:29:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:29:18Speaker 03

  So he goes, and I'm reminding him of his promise, of his pledge.

• 1:29:21Bobby Lee?

  Who?

• 1:29:22Speaker 03

  Jim.

• 1:29:23Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're a proxy.

• 1:29:26Speaker 03

  You were gonna do something.

• 1:29:26Bobby Lee?

  I see you're a proxy.

• 1:29:27Speaker 03

  Well, well, well, Bobby's not even around.

• 1:29:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:30Speaker 03

  No one's around, the lot's almost empty.

• 1:29:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:32Speaker 04

  And you have to poop.

• 1:29:32Speaker 03

  Thought you were a real man.

• 1:29:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. No, the real question is, who?

• 1:29:36Speaker 03

  So he said, he said.

• 1:29:39Bobby Lee?

  Can I ask you a question?

• 1:29:40Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:29:40Bobby Lee?

  May I ask you a question?

• 1:29:41Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:29:42Bobby Lee?

  Right, Judge?

• 1:29:43Speaker 05

  It's, yeah, I'll allow it. I like, I like your moxie. I'll allow it.

• 1:29:46Bobby Lee?

  Whose poop was it?

• 1:29:49Speaker 03

  Okay, that's a fair question.

• 1:29:51Speaker 04

  That feels like a board game.

• 1:29:53Speaker 03

  He said.

• 1:29:54Speaker 05

  Guess poop.

• 1:29:55Speaker 03

  Shit, oh my god, you're right, Bobby's car's there. I just took a dump like an hour ago. Oh, Jesus. I wish I had known.

• 1:30:04Speaker 03

  I.

• 1:30:07Speaker 04

  Surrogate.

• 1:30:08Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:30:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:10Speaker 03

  A friend in need is a friend indeed.

• 1:30:13Bobby Lee?

  I like that slogan. Let me just. That's a good slogan. That's a very good slogan. Right, right? And it's a universal slogan, right? And I really enjoy it. But if we go back to story number one, right? I did it all that for you.

• 1:30:28Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 1:30:28Bobby Lee?

  The laughs.

• 1:30:29Speaker 03

  You did.

• 1:30:29Bobby Lee?

  I, I know.

• 1:30:30Speaker 03

  And I got a pastrami out of it?

• 1:30:32Bobby Lee?

  You got a pastrami sandwich out of it? And you got a good cackle out of it, right?

• 1:30:36Speaker 03

  What a good cackle.

• 1:30:36Bobby Lee?

  Right? So for you, right, to use the enemies, right?

• 1:30:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:42Bobby Lee?

  And, and supply them with missiles.

• 1:30:44Speaker 04

  Out of your butt.

• 1:30:46Bobby Lee?

  Right, right? Is to me questionable.

• 1:30:49Speaker 03

  It's USA's logic.

• 1:30:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:51Speaker 04

  Hey Bobby, but would you do the same thing?

• 1:30:53Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:30:54Speaker 03

  If, if, if you wanted to shit on someone's car and you go, "Shit, I just shit an hour ago."

• 1:30:57Bobby Lee?

  Let me tell you something.

• 1:30:58Speaker 03

  And I go, "Let me help you out here." Let me help you out of a jam, so to speak.

• 1:31:02Bobby Lee?

  I, I wouldn't do any of this behavior in the last 15 years.

• 1:31:06Speaker 03

  This is before that, though.

• 1:31:07Bobby Lee?

  I know, but I'm a completely different kind of person.

• 1:31:10Speaker 03

  Somewhat different.

• 1:31:11Bobby Lee?

  What, what do you mean?

• 1:31:12Speaker 05

  He's asking you to revisit those times.

• 1:31:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, in that headspace.

• 1:31:15Speaker 03

  You're not completely different. You're somewhat different.

• 1:31:18Bobby Lee?

  What, what do you mean by that?

• 1:31:19Speaker 03

  I mean, when you saw a disposable toilet, you don't go, "Come on, man." You put it in the shot.

• 1:31:26Speaker 03

  You're not completely different, you're somewhat different.

• 1:31:28Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, what I'm saying is, I haven't, I haven't changed comedically.

• 1:31:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:31:32Bobby Lee?

  Right? But in terms of like, social norms and behaving in public.

• 1:31:36Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 1:31:37Bobby Lee?

  And because, you know, I've done corporate shows and this and that. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna act a muck on the set of Sex and the City.

• 1:31:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:31:44Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 1:31:45Speaker 03

  Right. I still can't believe you took that role.

• 1:31:48Bobby Lee?

  I know, but that's another day.

• 1:31:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:50Bobby Lee?

  Okay? So what I'm saying is, is that, you know what I mean? I've changed in that way.

• 1:31:54Speaker 03

  But Carrie Bradshaw says, "Meet me, you go."

• 1:31:59Bobby Lee?

  That's one of my lines?

• 1:32:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:02Speaker 05

  Strike from the record that can't be used against Bobby.

• 1:32:04Bobby Lee?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:32:05Speaker 03

  Thanks for meeting me. When Kerry Bradshaw says, "Come," you go. Anyway, you're great in Res Dogs. Legit, you're great in Res Dogs.

• 1:32:13Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:32:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:16Speaker 04

  Have you seen this?

• 1:32:16Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, stop for a second. I gotta, I gotta defend this, right?

• 1:32:19Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:32:21Bobby Lee?

  They, you, they give you lines to say.

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:23Bobby Lee?

  Right? You think I'm in any power, right, to do it any differently than I did it?

• 1:32:29Speaker 03

  I, yeah, because when you called me in Santino and said they're offering me this, we both said, "Why? Don't do that. Why would you waste time going to New York for some dumb fucking has-been show?" And you go, "I think I gotta do it."

• 1:32:41Bobby Lee?

  Okay, anyway.

• 1:32:42Speaker 03

  Anyway.

• 1:32:43Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay. So let's.

• 1:32:46Speaker 05

  I thought you had a defense.

• 1:32:47Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I didn't have a defense. I didn't have a defense, no.

• 1:32:49Speaker 05

  I will now be, that's, we're taking that into effect. We're taking that into account, unfortunately.

• 1:32:53Bobby Lee?

  That's a part of my.

• 1:32:54Speaker 05

  It's a point, unfortunately, for the defense.

• 1:32:56Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:32:56Speaker 05

  I wanted to strike it, but you let it go.

• 1:33:00Bobby Lee?

  Here's the deal. All right, here's the deal now, right?

• 1:33:02Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 1:33:03Bobby Lee?

  I, I'm at the Sky Bar, right, enjoying my friend with my Palestinian friend.

• 1:33:07Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:33:08Bobby Lee?

  Aaron Kater.

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  I'm Christian Jew as well, by the way.

• 1:33:10Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:33:10Speaker 03

  I'm Christian, I'm Palestinian.

• 1:33:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Bobby Lee?

  Have, yeah, and also, and also, I, I, um, have many types of friends.

• 1:33:16Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:33:17Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 1:33:18Speaker 03

  Jews, Palestinians, uh, uh.

• 1:33:21Speaker 04

  Mike Black.

• 1:33:22Speaker 03

  Fats, yeah.

• 1:33:22Bobby Lee?

  Fats?

• 1:33:23Speaker 03

  Fats, yeah.

• 1:33:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I, I love the fats.

• 1:33:25Speaker 03

  He loved the fats.

• 1:33:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I love the skins.

• 1:33:27Speaker 05

  You do?

• 1:33:27Bobby Lee?

  The skinnies. Yeah, yeah. And I love, I love the boil people.

• 1:33:30Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:33:30Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? They're my favorite people.

• 1:33:32Speaker 04

  We're indigenous.

• 1:33:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:34Speaker 03

  Boils are all right there.

• 1:33:35Bobby Lee?

  Anyway, let's go back, okay. All right, so now, Jim Painter, let me just kick over now. Jim Painter, right, has already, you know what I mean, done the number two.

• 1:33:44Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 1:33:45Speaker 04

  No, he hasn't.

• 1:33:46Bobby Lee?

  No, he said he already took a dump.

• 1:33:47Speaker 03

  Oh, he'd already done, right, right, right, right.

• 1:33:49Bobby Lee?

  Right? But this coward.

• 1:33:51Speaker 03

  Coward.

• 1:33:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and this liar, right, and this deceiver, right?

• 1:33:56Speaker 03

  I can't remember.

• 1:33:56Bobby Lee?

  Goes, "Oh, quite, I'm sorry, Jim, here's a little thing, I haven't pooed yet."

• 1:34:01Speaker 03

  I haven't pooped from yesterday's sandwich.

• 1:34:03Bobby Lee?

  Right, right?

• 1:34:04Speaker 03

  I got on my shift at six, I've been waiting.

• 1:34:06Bobby Lee?

  And he has one, uh, brewing, right? So, the poo that's being used in this terrorist act, right?

• 1:34:13Speaker 03

  Was supplied by you.

• 1:34:14Bobby Lee?

  Was supplied by you.

• 1:34:15Speaker 04

  Supplied by you.

• 1:34:16Speaker 03

  But, but you supplied the ingredients in the poo.

• 1:34:18Speaker 04

  You supplied the paycheck.

• 1:34:19Bobby Lee?

  Oh, the, oh, wow.

• 1:34:22Speaker 05

  Positive effect, yeah.

• 1:34:23Speaker 03

  Never thought of that.

• 1:34:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that was Jerry's Deli. That was Jerry's Deli poo.

• 1:34:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:34:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:34:29Speaker 04

  You fell on your own poo.

• 1:34:30Bobby Lee?

  You would have ate anyway.

• 1:34:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:34:31Speaker 03

  I would have eaten nothing.

• 1:34:34Bobby Lee?

  That's insane. You would have eaten something the day before you had dinner.

• 1:34:39Speaker 03

  I would have eaten ramen, something, nothing.

• 1:34:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but you would have still had to poo.

• 1:34:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, fair, fair, fair.

• 1:34:44Bobby Lee?

  Oh, fair, that's fair enough. Because you're a human being.

• 1:34:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, but if anything had green in it, I would have already pooed.

• 1:34:49Bobby Lee?

  Whatever, whatever, that's semantics. I don't know what he ordered, you know what I mean? And that's, you know what I mean? That cannot be allowed in that.

• 1:34:55Speaker 03

  Okay, I'll, I'll, I'll strike that.

• 1:34:57Bobby Lee?

  I'll strike, strike that.

• 1:34:58Speaker 05

  I'll strike.

• 1:34:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, strike that, all right. So, um, so he decides you, right? Now, this is what I heard, and I don't know if it's true.

• 1:35:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:35:07Bobby Lee?

  Okay? That you had pooed into a paper bag.

• 1:35:10Speaker 03

  Nope, no, it's crazy. Plastic bag.

• 1:35:14Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, he's an environmentalist.

• 1:35:15Speaker 03

  Pink dot.

• 1:35:16Bobby Lee?

  I forgot.

• 1:35:17Speaker 03

  It was a pink dot, it was a pink dot bag.

• 1:35:19Bobby Lee?

  It was plastic, he's not an environmentalist, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so.

• 1:35:24Speaker 03

  But I was reusing.

• 1:35:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you're reusing, right. And you took a spatula?

• 1:35:29Speaker 03

  First I pooed, no, first I pooed, I put it like over the toilet seat and I, oh, actually, great, we have something to act out.

• 1:35:34Speaker 05

  Okay, great.

• 1:35:35Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, don't take your pants off, though.

• 1:35:38Speaker 03

  If this is the seat, if this is the seat, like this.

• 1:35:40Speaker 05

  Exhibit A is being entered into.

• 1:35:43Speaker 03

  And I put one side here.

• 1:35:44Bobby Lee?

  Do you have a plastic bag in here, or? I'll go look for one. Yeah, look for a plastic bag, please. If we're gonna do it, we're gonna do it.

• 1:35:48Speaker 05

  I'm having a difficult.

• 1:35:50Bobby Lee?

  If we're gonna do it, let's do it. Yeah, if we're gonna do it, let's do it.

• 1:35:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm having a tough time really imagining what this is gonna look like. It's important, it's important.

• 1:35:57Speaker 03

  It's perfect that we have this right now.

• 1:35:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, this is perfect, this is so perfect, okay. Exhibit A. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:05Speaker 03

  Way long.

• 1:36:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I need, I need, I see, for, to my, for my defense.

• 1:36:10Speaker 03

  Okay, nice.

• 1:36:10Speaker 05

  Oh, we found one, okay, fantastic, fantastic, okay.

• 1:36:14Bobby Lee?

  I need props for my defense as well.

• 1:36:15Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:36:16Speaker 04

  Why, you need a lunchbox?

• 1:36:19Speaker 05

  All right. I guess we're gonna take a.

• 1:36:24Speaker 05

  We're taking a brief recess in this moment as we.

• 1:36:27Speaker 04

  To get evidence.

• 1:36:28Speaker 05

  As the attorneys pull their evidence in.

• 1:36:30Speaker 03

  Can I piss real quick?

• 1:36:32Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:36:32Speaker 05

  Um, okay.

• 1:36:35Bobby Lee?

  No, at this point, there's no way you can side with.

• 1:36:36Speaker 05

  I mean, he's making a hard time, but here's the thing, I'm a judge, so all I do is sentence. This is the jury.

• 1:36:43Speaker 04

  Am I part, what am I exactly?

• 1:36:44Speaker 05

  I'm bringing the jury.

• 1:36:45Speaker 04

  Oh, I am?

• 1:36:46Speaker 05

  I'm bringing the jury, so everybody here's gonna vote, and I'm going to sentence.

• 1:36:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Also, just as a jury member, know that, you know, tomorrow, we're going to Detroit.

• 1:36:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:36:54Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:36:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:55Speaker 04

  Are you gonna get me food?

• 1:36:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, I would like to.

• 1:36:59Bobby Lee?

  But you're still a jury member, but.

• 1:37:00Speaker 04

  Are you gonna buy me dinner?

• 1:37:02Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:37:02Speaker 05

  I.

• 1:37:03Bobby Lee?

  This is.

• 1:37:03Speaker 05

  Depends how you. This is called jury tampering.

• 1:37:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm tampering the jury.

• 1:37:08Speaker 05

  This is not.

• 1:37:08Bobby Lee?

  I'm tampering the jury right.

• 1:37:09Speaker 05

  You're about to get disqualified.

• 1:37:13Speaker 05

  Cat's gonna write a teller book.

• 1:37:15Bobby Lee?

  You got plastic already.

• 1:37:17Speaker 04

  Is Ari taking a shit on your car?

• 1:37:21Speaker 05

  That's a possibility.

• 1:37:22Bobby Lee?

  When we move on, you'll see how insane this is.

• 1:37:26Speaker 04

  I can't wait for the.

• 1:37:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know this? You got, have you heard this story before?

• 1:37:30Speaker 05

  Never.

• 1:37:30Bobby Lee?

  Never heard this story? Oh, this is real.

• 1:37:32Speaker 05

  I've never heard this story.

• 1:37:33Bobby Lee?

  It's a real story. Okay, okay. Okay, here we go. Here we go. We got the plastic. We got the toilet seat. So this is Pink Dot, great store, all.

• 1:37:41Speaker 04

  Great chill there.

• 1:37:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, late night sandwiches, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, really selling. Okay. So I put it into like this. The toilet. Yes. And then cup this here and that here, and I had to hold on with my hands. Like that. And then I pooped in. Okay, so what is the, um, apparatus you use? Yeah, yeah, let's get some weight to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then.

• 1:38:09Bobby Lee?

  And then I got up and I. Carefully. Yeah. Yeah, we understand. Yeah.

• 1:38:15Speaker 04

  Heavy.

• 1:38:16Bobby Lee?

  Very, yeah, heavy.

• 1:38:17Speaker 04

  Heavy.

• 1:38:18Bobby Lee?

  Heavy.

• 1:38:18Speaker 04

  Pastrami.

• 1:38:19Bobby Lee?

  Pastrami, yeah, pastrami poo. Yeah, pastrami poo. Yeah.

• 1:38:22Speaker 05

  This is not.

• 1:38:23Bobby Lee?

  Thank you.

• 1:38:23Speaker 05

  Thank you. This is not the judge. This is Ramsey asking, which bathroom did you poop in?

• 1:38:29Bobby Lee?

  Okay, so if I had been rebuilt, I love it. That's important. That's important. I think it's an important question. It was rebuilt a little bit, but where the women's bathroom in the hallway that is there.

• 1:38:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:38:38Bobby Lee?

  That, that, it was, it was a men's bathroom right then, or maybe coed. There might have been two coeds right there. There wasn't that hall a long way in like.

• 1:38:44Speaker 04

  Right by the original.

• 1:38:44Bobby Lee?

  But it was right there, yeah.

• 1:38:45Speaker 05

  So you were walking through the hall with just a bag of shit?

• 1:38:48Bobby Lee?

  Yes. But. 1:30 in the morning, too.

• 1:38:50Speaker 05

  Okay, okay.

• 1:38:51Bobby Lee?

  So there's no audience. There's no, this is the dark years. There was, there's no, no audience for a while. Yeah, yeah. Like a little bit of schizophrenic was on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, someone got a pass in the 70s. You know what I mean? But it's like, it's also, everyone's gone by 11:00 PM, midnight, by then.

• 1:39:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:39:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:08Speaker 04

  So you got your poop in your hand.

• 1:39:10Bobby Lee?

  So then I gave it to my friend Jim, James Painter. Okay. Said, here you go. Yeah, here's some uranium.

• 1:39:20Bobby Lee?

  Do with it, as you will.

• 1:39:21Speaker 03

  As you wish.

• 1:39:22Bobby Lee?

  You can enrich it, you can turn it into.

• 1:39:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, you could fertilize. You could use this fertilizer.

• 1:39:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, fertilizer.

• 1:39:28Speaker 05

  You could do whatever you want.

• 1:39:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, for your crops or whatever, right?

• 1:39:30Speaker 03

  Big dump, it was a big dump.

• 1:39:31Bobby Lee?

  It was a big dump, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:33Speaker 03

  Not a cra- not the best ever, as big as that, but on the upper, they say 80th percentile. Yeah.

• 1:39:38Bobby Lee?

  May I use, may I use my props, please?

• 1:39:40Speaker 04

  So what, but how did you place it? Where did you place it?

• 1:39:43Speaker 03

  Great questions.

• 1:39:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and this is my, alright, so.

• 1:39:47Speaker 05

  Okay, so in the middle, we're all getting an exhibit C here from the.

• 1:39:49Bobby Lee?

  So, exhibit C.

• 1:39:51Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:39:52Bobby Lee?

  Okay, exhibit C, please.

• 1:39:54Speaker 05

  Exhibit C entered.

• 1:39:55Bobby Lee?

  So, I'm gonna do it like this, okay? I'm gonna do it like this, okay?

• 1:39:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:39:58Bobby Lee?

  So, I'm having a good time with my Palestinian friend.

• 1:40:01Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:40:04Speaker 03

  Wow, relevance?

• 1:40:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's relevant, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:07Speaker 05

  I'm gonna allow it.

• 1:40:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you can allow it, right? Right, and I say, goodbye, brother. Yeah, to my Palestinian friend.

• 1:40:14Speaker 04

  Assalamualaikum?

• 1:40:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, no, not even that. I treat him like.

• 1:40:17Speaker 05

  Just like everybody else, huh?

• 1:40:18Bobby Lee?

  Like everyone else, right? And I give him a deep hug, because.

• 1:40:22Speaker 04

  A deep hug?

• 1:40:24Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you why, because when friends, and you, you know what I mean, and you wanna bond with people, I don't know what your generation does.

• 1:40:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:40:31Bobby Lee?

  Back then, we would give hugs, okay? Give me a deep hug, I go, safe passage in your journey.

• 1:40:38Speaker 03

  Wow, that's great, because if he, if he had acted in a Muslim way, he goes, I'm just like Jim, don't fucking hug me.

• 1:40:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:47Speaker 03

  That was a Christian side to go, absolutely.

• 1:40:49Bobby Lee?

  He went off on his journey through the strait, alright, okay. So now, I'm opening my car door, okay? And this is the car door handle, right?

• 1:40:59Speaker 03

  One of those that go like this, so you can go from the top or the bottom?

• 1:41:02Bobby Lee?

  No, no, it was a click up.

• 1:41:03Speaker 03

  Click up.

• 1:41:04Speaker 04

  Oh, no!

• 1:41:05Bobby Lee?

  So, in the click up, there's a layer of poo in the click up. So, I don't know if you know this, Judge, but when you stick your fingers in the, in the door handle, right? It gets into your fingernails ASAP.

• 1:41:20Speaker 03

  I mean, you're pushing it right in.

• 1:41:22Bobby Lee?

  You're pushing it right into the fingernail.

• 1:41:24Speaker 03

  If you saw poop on the, on the ground, you had touched it, you would touch it like this.

• 1:41:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:28Speaker 03

  You'd like dig in.

• 1:41:29Bobby Lee?

  Dig in like that, right? So, I'm digging into the poo.

• 1:41:32Speaker 03

  There'd be no reason for him to pause.

• 1:41:34Bobby Lee?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:41:35Speaker 03

  Going through the poo.

• 1:41:35Bobby Lee?

  Right, right, and I click up, I pull it out, right? And now my hand is filled with his poo.

• 1:41:44Bobby Lee?

  I'm not done yet, sir, okay?

• 1:41:45Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:41:46Bobby Lee?

  So, in my, in my panic, and in my disgust, I know what it is. As one does. You know it's poo.

• 1:41:55Speaker 05

  You know it's poo, but there's a little guil- okay, keep going.

• 1:41:57Speaker 03

  He doesn't know who's.

• 1:41:58Bobby Lee?

  I don't know who's, I don't know what's going on now, yeah, I'm going, I- All I know, all I know is there's poo on my hand.

• 1:42:06Speaker 03

  In a place where there's never been poo, really, in the whole country.

• 1:42:09Bobby Lee?

  A bird couldn't have, a bird couldn't, you know what I mean, a raccoon just shouldn't have-

• 1:42:14Speaker 03

  Dog been-

• 1:42:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I, I mean-

• 1:42:16Speaker 03

  And nowhere else, it would have splattered.

• 1:42:19Bobby Lee?

  Quickly, I went, "It's human."

• 1:42:20Speaker 03

  It's human, yeah, you know, you know. Isn't it weird how people know there's definitely human poop and dog poop?

• 1:42:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:25Speaker 03

  You just know.

• 1:42:26Bobby Lee?

  You just know. So I went through all the animals, all the scenarios, really quickly in my mind.

• 1:42:30Speaker 03

  Realized.

• 1:42:31Bobby Lee?

  Right, and I go, "It's human," right? And, can I just say this, and I don't know why I knew this, I knew it was Jewish.

• 1:42:41Bobby Lee?

  Lemon bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Matsui, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I do immediately, right, is I go straight into the store with my left hand.

• 1:42:52Speaker 03

  I thought the store was closed by now.

• 1:42:53Bobby Lee?

  No, no, it's open still.

• 1:42:54Speaker 04

  So you have to do, like, shake it off?

• 1:42:56Bobby Lee?

  I have to knock on the door, there's still somebody there, I go to the bathroom, I wash my hands, I go, "Do you have any napkins? Someone pooed." Someone pooed inside the handle of my car, right? And in my mind, while I'm washing my hands and whatnot, it's painter.

• 1:43:10Speaker 05

  You're co- it's co- yeah.

• 1:43:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's all coming to-

• 1:43:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, you start like, like, what's the, um, who would have, what's it, what's it called in legal, so?

• 1:43:17Speaker 04

  Oh, the house, house.

• 1:43:18Speaker 03

  No, who would have cause to do it, who would have motivation?

• 1:43:20Bobby Lee?

  Motivation, yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:22Speaker 03

  And so you're like, who would?

• 1:43:23Bobby Lee?

  I went through, I went through that too.

• 1:43:25Speaker 03

  And you're like-

• 1:43:25Bobby Lee?

  Caroline Ray.

• 1:43:26Speaker 03

  I've never done anything, yeah.

• 1:43:28Bobby Lee?

  I went through it all, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:29Speaker 03

  Margaret, no, I don't, who would have motivation?

• 1:43:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Judy, Judy Sianciato.

• 1:43:36Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:43:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Eve Kravitz, I mean, all the names went through, right? And it went to James Payner.

• 1:43:41Speaker 03

  Like, there's like, a lot of people don't like me, but who would do defecation?

• 1:43:45Bobby Lee?

  Defecation in the handle, right?

• 1:43:46Speaker 04

  And such a short term, too, right? Because of the day before?

• 1:43:48Speaker 03

  This was about 23 hours ago.

• 1:43:51Bobby Lee?

  23 hours ago.

• 1:43:52Speaker 03

  That I pissed twice on this guy's door.

• 1:43:54Bobby Lee?

  So I'm feverishly washing it off my hands.

• 1:43:55Speaker 04

  And it's in the nails?

• 1:43:57Bobby Lee?

  It's in the nails. I get paper towels, I wash them all off, right? And then I have to go get like some sort of like spray. And I don't know where the sprays are. I'm looking underneath the bar in, in the main bar.

• 1:44:09Speaker 03

  There's no poop spray like that. That's not a...

• 1:44:11Speaker 04

  It's like bleach, you need to find bleach.

• 1:44:13Speaker 03

  But how do you even get it in there?

• 1:44:14Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, I, I, I found something where I sprayed it, I took the towels.

• 1:44:19Speaker 03

  Did you ask a homeless guy to help you clean it?

• 1:44:21Bobby Lee?

  That's, it's not done, that's about a second, that's part two of the story. Okay, okay.

• 1:44:24Speaker 04

  Number two.

• 1:44:25Bobby Lee?

  This is number two. So, I get it all off, I do the best I can, I'll do the rest when I get home, right?

• 1:44:31Speaker 03

  What's your, what's your mood at this point?

• 1:44:33Bobby Lee?

  I mean, the worst mood one can be possibly in. You know what I mean? I have, I'm...

• 1:44:38Speaker 03

  You're painter-ing out.

• 1:44:42Bobby Lee?

  I'm in rage.

• 1:44:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:44:45Bobby Lee?

  Because to me, pee doesn't equal poo.

• 1:44:46Speaker 03

  And I'm your hand versus your car.

• 1:44:48Bobby Lee?

  Right, it gets worse, if I may.

• 1:44:50Speaker 03

  How could it?

• 1:44:51Speaker 04

  And are you...

• 1:44:52Bobby Lee?

  I have another exhibit, please?

• 1:44:53Speaker 04

  Are you all alone at this point?

• 1:44:54Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:44:55Speaker 04

  Are you all alone at this point?

• 1:44:56Bobby Lee?

  I'm all on my lonesome.

• 1:44:58Speaker 04

  So no one's...

• 1:44:58Bobby Lee?

  So, so no one's even benefiting from the getting the laugh.

• 1:45:03Speaker 05

  So it's just cruel and vindictive at this point?

• 1:45:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, if people were laughing, right? It would have been like, I would, ahahaha.

• 1:45:10Speaker 03

  You'd have to laugh along with it.

• 1:45:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good one.

• 1:45:13Speaker 03

  But we're long gone.

• 1:45:13Bobby Lee?

  You got me, they're long gone.

• 1:45:14Speaker 03

  You got back at two, three?

• 1:45:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:16Speaker 03

  We left, we left.

• 1:45:17Bobby Lee?

  They were gone. May I do exhibit two, please?

• 1:45:19Speaker 05

  Exhibit, please, enter, exhibit D.

• 1:45:21Speaker 04

  I wish they had cameras.

• 1:45:22Speaker 05

  Uh, we're, uh, admitting exhibit D into, okay?

• 1:45:26Bobby Lee?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:45:26Speaker 05

  And here we are.

• 1:45:27Bobby Lee?

  Oh, boy, here we go. This is exhibit two, please. I, I just use, you know, this is the quick, the only prop that I could find.

• 1:45:33Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:45:33Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I'm sorry, right? So imagine me, I'm in my car.

• 1:45:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:45:37Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 1:45:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:45:38Bobby Lee?

  There's a piece of poo now. That you said, there's a piece of poo now, right? On, on my window. Okay? Now, when you see a piece, let me ask you, Judge, if I may, may I ask you, Judge, right?

• 1:45:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:45:51Bobby Lee?

  When you see a piece of poo on the window, what is your first instinct?

• 1:45:55Speaker 05

  Uh, to try to remove it in some way, shape.

• 1:45:57Bobby Lee?

  And how would you remove it in a vehicle if it's in your front window?

• 1:46:01Speaker 03

  A little tiny piece of poo like that, like that big.

• 1:46:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I suppose at the time, I mean, you're in your car or you're out of your car?

• 1:46:07Bobby Lee?

  I'm in my car facing out, the door is closed.

• 1:46:10Speaker 05

  I would probably try to get out, find a napkin.

• 1:46:13Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, you would use the windshield wiper.

• 1:46:15Speaker 03

  It's like, it's like less than a bird.

• 1:46:16Bobby Lee?

  You would use the windshield wiper.

• 1:46:18Speaker 05

  I see, I see, you at the time don't even realize it's poo, you're saying?

• 1:46:21Bobby Lee?

  I know it's poo.

• 1:46:21Speaker 05

  So?

• 1:46:22Bobby Lee?

  But it's like, I'll tell you, I'll tell you this, I'll tell you why, I know what poo looks like.

• 1:46:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:46:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay, all right, all right.

• 1:46:28Speaker 04

  And was it human?

• 1:46:29Bobby Lee?

  It was a human poo.

• 1:46:30Speaker 03

  And you gotta think, it's gotta be related to the other poo.

• 1:46:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, it's related to the other poo, but to me, it's like, you know what I mean? Like, shrapnel poo, if I may.

• 1:46:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:46:40Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean, from the door.

• 1:46:41Speaker 03

  Unrelated, just during the splatter.

• 1:46:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, exactly, yeah, one drop fell off, right? So, what I do is, I use the windshield wiper.

• 1:46:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, reasonable.

• 1:46:50Bobby Lee?

  Reasonable, lo and behold, all the poo is on the windshield wiper fucking.

• 1:46:55Speaker 03

  Packed in.

• 1:46:56Bobby Lee?

  Packed in.

• 1:46:57Speaker 03

  Packed into the windshield wiper.

• 1:46:59Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:46:59Speaker 03

  It's just below, in that bar of like, of like tan, that's just below.

• 1:47:02Bobby Lee?

  So now, what I'm doing is, pooing the whole window.

• 1:47:05Speaker 03

  Both windshield.

• 1:47:06Bobby Lee?

  Uh, look, both, I'm pooing the whole window, right? It's black. A dark black brown window.

• 1:47:16Speaker 05

  Holy shit.

• 1:47:16Bobby Lee?

  All right, so, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:19Speaker 03

  But under the weight of the poo, the windshield wiper's like, we're not made for this.

• 1:47:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:47:26Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:47:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 1:47:28Speaker 04

  I have a question.

• 1:47:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what's?

• 1:47:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, question.

• 1:47:29Speaker 04

  Okay, so who, okay, so you've managed to get the poo off of the, the, the clicker, right?

• 1:47:34Speaker 03

  Enough off.

• 1:47:35Bobby Lee?

  Enough off for me to go home.

• 1:47:37Speaker 03

  To get in.

• 1:47:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:38Speaker 04

  And so, my, my real question is, who was the placer of the poo?

• 1:47:42Speaker 03

  That's a good question.

• 1:47:42Speaker 05

  That's a very good question.

• 1:47:43Speaker 03

  I think it really matters.

• 1:47:45Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I, I can answer that without even knowing. You know what I mean?

• 1:47:50Bobby Lee?

  Only one handles their own poo.

• 1:47:52Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:47:52Bobby Lee?

  And that's an old Korean proverb.

• 1:47:54Speaker 05

  Yeah. I like that.

• 1:47:57Bobby Lee?

  Only one does not handle others poo.

• 1:48:00Speaker 05

  Insane.

• 1:48:01Bobby Lee?

  Okay, right?

• 1:48:02Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:48:03Bobby Lee?

  There is no way that James Painter would be like, oh, I'm gonna handle your poo to do this windshield wiper stunt, right? So it all comes from the mind of this gentleman to my left.

• 1:48:15Speaker 05

  I, yeah.

• 1:48:15Speaker 04

  So you not only supplied the poo.

• 1:48:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:18Speaker 04

  You placed, you did the actual crime.

• 1:48:21Speaker 03

  Okay, let me retort.

• 1:48:22Speaker 05

  Floor is yours, you can rebut.

• 1:48:23Speaker 03

  You think I believe in honor?

• 1:48:25Speaker 04

  Not really.

• 1:48:26Bobby Lee?

  Oh, no, honor has nothing to do with it.

• 1:48:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, it does.

• 1:48:28Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:48:28Speaker 03

  And when my friend makes a vow to shit on someone's car, that vow, that vow matters and he must be the shitter. If not the shitty, the shitter. He must place.

• 1:48:40Bobby Lee?

  Oh, he must place.

• 1:48:42Speaker 03

  Right, I handed.

• 1:48:43Bobby Lee?

  You're playing, so there's a, there's an old movie called Yohimbo.

• 1:48:46Speaker 03

  Yohimbo, yeah.

• 1:48:47Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:48:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:48:47Bobby Lee?

  And he's a ronin samurai.

• 1:48:49Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:48:50Bobby Lee?

  He goes into town and he plays both sides, because there's, there's a town that's at war.

• 1:48:55Speaker 03

  I'm Yohimbo.

• 1:48:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you're Yohimbo. Yeah, you're a, you're a ronin.

• 1:48:58Speaker 03

  I'm gonna watch it now.

• 1:48:59Bobby Lee?

  Right, yeah. And he's trying to play both sides, but what ends up happening is both sides catch on.

• 1:49:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:49:05Bobby Lee?

  And they both go against, that didn't happen in this story.

• 1:49:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:49:08Bobby Lee?

  I'm just saying though, but in, he is playing Yohimbo right now.

• 1:49:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:49:12Bobby Lee?

  No, no, okay, go ahead.

• 1:49:14Speaker 03

  Can I, can I?

• 1:49:15Bobby Lee?

  Can you use a movie reference?

• 1:49:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:49:16Bobby Lee?

  Go ahead.

• 1:49:17Speaker 03

  Uh, it's from The Accused.

• 1:49:21Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:49:21Speaker 03

  I'd like to call in another exhibit.

• 1:49:23Bobby Lee?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 1:49:24Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:49:25Speaker 03

  Exhibit B for me.

• 1:49:25Bobby Lee?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 1:49:26Speaker 04

  Wait, I, I'm, okay.

• 1:49:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:49:28Speaker 04

  So he's the placer of the poo.

• 1:49:30Speaker 05

  Well, this is what's in dispute.

• 1:49:31Speaker 04

  We don't know who's the placer.

• 1:49:32Speaker 05

  In this moment, we are, we are.

• 1:49:33Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you know.

• 1:49:34Speaker 04

  Oh, we know.

• 1:49:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:35Speaker 05

  Hey, Bobby, I do, but I'm gonna let a defense happen.

• 1:49:38Bobby Lee?

  Okay, oh, he is gonna make something out of cardboard.

• 1:49:41Speaker 03

  So we had the top of a, of a paper, you know those paper boxes?

• 1:49:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:49:44Speaker 03

  With like all the papers?

• 1:49:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:49:46Speaker 03

  And, uh, for the, for like printers.

• 1:49:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:49:47Speaker 03

  So the top side was rectangle.

• 1:49:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:49:50Speaker 03

  And we took one of those off.

• 1:49:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:49:52Speaker 03

  And I gave my bag of poop to Jim.

• 1:49:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, yep.

• 1:49:55Speaker 03

  You look like a boy, he also had a lot of pimples.

• 1:49:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 1:49:59Speaker 03

  And I gave him what became a spatula of sorts, and I said, here you go.

• 1:50:03Bobby Lee?

  That's why I heard spatula. It was a handmade.

• 1:50:06Speaker 03

  Spackle, spackle.

• 1:50:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but I heard spatula in my head because in, because obviously I'm going to investigate.

• 1:50:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:50:12Bobby Lee?

  After a crime.

• 1:50:13Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 1:50:14Bobby Lee?

  Because you know, I have that fucking gene.

• 1:50:15Speaker 05

  It's your right.

• 1:50:16Bobby Lee?

  The FBI gene.

• 1:50:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:50:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. So I need to investigate, right? So I heard spatula and I remember bag.

• 1:50:23Speaker 03

  I did, I swear. I handed it to him to let him have his honor and his revenge, and he

• 1:50:31Speaker 03

  in, into the handles.

• 1:50:34Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:50:36Speaker 03

  Into the handles.

• 1:50:37Bobby Lee?

  Okay, but who?

• 1:50:38Speaker 03

  And then windshield, windshield.

• 1:50:40Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, you did, no, you did windshield.

• 1:50:44Speaker 04

  I.

• 1:50:45Bobby Lee?

  I heard you did, I heard you.

• 1:50:47Speaker 03

  Okay, I'll be honest, I don't remember, I don't remember.

• 1:50:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I heard you did windshield.

• 1:50:51Speaker 03

  I definitely suggested windshield.

• 1:50:53Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 1:50:53Speaker 03

  I definitely said that's not enough.

• 1:50:54Bobby Lee?

  You did windshield, dude.

• 1:50:55Speaker 03

  I definitely said that's not enough.

• 1:50:57Bobby Lee?

  You did windshield.

• 1:50:58Speaker 03

  You did windshield.

• 1:50:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I believe it.

• 1:50:59Bobby Lee?

  Through rumor and through witness and through investigation, through my FBI techniques.

• 1:51:05Speaker 03

  I don't know enough to deny that.

• 1:51:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't know to deny. I heard in charge of windshield was Captain Shaffir.

• 1:51:13Speaker 05

  There is a cleverness involved with that.

• 1:51:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:51:16Speaker 04

  It's very calculated.

• 1:51:17Bobby Lee?

  Calculated.

• 1:51:18Speaker 04

  Because the plant of the tiny poop to, to get to the bigger poop.

• 1:51:22Speaker 03

  To get to.

• 1:51:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now what I have to do, Judge, okay, is I have to drive down Sunset Boulevard, right?

• 1:51:31Speaker 05

  2 a.m.?

• 1:51:31Bobby Lee?

  2 a.m.

• 1:51:32Speaker 05

  It's, it's dark.

• 1:51:33Bobby Lee?

  It's, it's black. It's, there's nothing, it's.

• 1:51:36Speaker 03

  How can you even see?

• 1:51:37Bobby Lee?

  You can't barely see, you can barely see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I could have died.

• 1:51:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, no.

• 1:51:42Bobby Lee?

  Okay, but I'm now rushing to a 7-Eleven.

• 1:51:46Speaker 03

  It's like you're in a snowstorm, a mud, a mudslide.

• 1:51:48Bobby Lee?

  A mud, yeah.

• 1:51:50Speaker 04

  A muds.

• 1:51:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:51Speaker 03

  Pastrami mudslide.

• 1:51:52Bobby Lee?

  Pompeii.

• 1:51:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:51:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, like the lava.

• 1:51:55Speaker 03

  Like the movie Volcano.

• 1:51:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a disaster movie. It's a disaster movie, okay? I'm driving to the nearest on Sunset, right, 7-Eleven, okay?

• 1:52:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:52:04Bobby Lee?

  I pull in.

• 1:52:06Speaker 04

  This probably isn't their first rodeo, honestly.

• 1:52:08Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:52:09Speaker 03

  7-Eleven?

• 1:52:09Speaker 04

  7-Eleven.

• 1:52:10Speaker 05

  2 a.m.?

• 1:52:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, well, 2 a.m. this happens a lot.

• 1:52:13Speaker 05

  Another shit, windshield, yeah.

• 1:52:15Speaker 03

  7-Eleven's not great.

• 1:52:15Bobby Lee?

  So I go in and I grab all their paper towels.

• 1:52:18Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 1:52:19Bobby Lee?

  I buy all their Windex's and all the things I need to use, whatever was available there at the time.

• 1:52:23Speaker 05

  Sure. The little bottles that they have.

• 1:52:25Bobby Lee?

  And I walk up to a homeless person and I go, yo, if I give you $20, can you wipe all the poo that's on my front window? You had to tell him it was poo? You could tell.

• 1:52:37Speaker 03

  Why surprise him?

• 1:52:37Bobby Lee?

  Everyone knew it was poo.

• 1:52:38Speaker 05

  Why surprise him while he's down there? No, no, I actually.

• 1:52:40Speaker 03

  Did you even have to say human or dog?

• 1:52:42Bobby Lee?

  No, I didn't have to get specific, you know what I mean?

• 1:52:44Speaker 03

  $20, he must have been like.

• 1:52:46Bobby Lee?

  No, he was, no, he was like, nah, dog.

• 1:52:48Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:52:49Bobby Lee?

  No, he goes, nah, dog, a hundred for that.

• 1:52:52Speaker 05

  Equivalent, by the way, today to $200 probably.

• 1:52:54Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 1:52:54Speaker 03

  But also, but equivalent in homeless to $20,000.

• 1:52:58Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:52:58Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, I don't know about the, those stats.

• 1:53:02Speaker 05

  Fair, fair, fair, fair.

• 1:53:02Bobby Lee?

  Inflation, I know there's inflation involved in all that stuff, right?

• 1:53:05Speaker 05

  I was not the judge.

• 1:53:05Bobby Lee?

  But that's not, you know what I mean? I don't think that should be in play.

• 1:53:08Speaker 05

  It's fair.

• 1:53:08Bobby Lee?

  Right, but I spent a hundred, back then, money.

• 1:53:11Speaker 05

  That's a lot.

• 1:53:11Bobby Lee?

  To get a homeless human being, right, to clean my windshield. He did a very good job, by the way.

• 1:53:17Speaker 05

  I think it's generous, too.

• 1:53:18Bobby Lee?

  Very generous, right?

• 1:53:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:53:19Bobby Lee?

  And he said something like, man, that sucked, or something like that. And me apologize, I'm so sorry, thank you so much for doing it, right? I went home and I started saving my cum.

• 1:53:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, we're going to the next thing, okay.

• 1:53:38Speaker 05

  Okay. Interesting. Now, is this something you do not know about, counselor, the cum, or what's this, this reaction?

• 1:53:43Bobby Lee?

  You definitely know about this. What?

• 1:53:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. We know about this.

• 1:53:49Speaker 04

  So you don't think pee equals poo, but poo equals cum?

• 1:53:52Bobby Lee?

  I didn't know what the next level was, but I was not gonna lose this war.

• 1:53:58Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:53:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. For months, I was saving my cum.

• 1:54:02Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:54:03Bobby Lee?

  That sentence is wild. In a freezer. Judge.

• 1:54:05Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:54:05Bobby Lee?

  In an ice cube tray.

• 1:54:07Speaker 04

  And so how many trays did you have in your freezer?

• 1:54:09Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:54:09Bobby Lee?

  It took me, it took me only two little compartments to fill those up.

• 1:54:13Speaker 03

  I do not.

• 1:54:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:15Speaker 04

  Two little compartments to fill?

• 1:54:17Bobby Lee?

  If you have an ice tray and there's like 16 little cubes in there to make an ice cube, I fill two cubes. That's two months' worth of ejaculate.

• 1:54:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:54:26Speaker 03

  Two trays?

• 1:54:27Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:54:27Speaker 03

  Two trays?

• 1:54:28Bobby Lee?

  Not trays, just two little squares.

• 1:54:30Speaker 05

  Two cubes.

• 1:54:30Bobby Lee?

  Two cubes.

• 1:54:31Speaker 04

  So is one cube one ejaculate?

• 1:54:33Speaker 03

  One full?

• 1:54:34Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, that's like a quarter of ejaculate, I would freeze it and ejaculate in the same.

• 1:54:40Speaker 05

  It's layered.

• 1:54:40Speaker 03

  Cum ice?

• 1:54:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what?

• 1:54:41Speaker 03

  Cum ice?

• 1:54:42Speaker 04

  Cum ice.

• 1:54:43Bobby Lee?

  Cum ice.

• 1:54:43Speaker 05

  Cum ice. Cum cube.

• 1:54:45Bobby Lee?

  And then the calculation, and this is where I I knew this would be difficult to pull off. I was gonna put it in one of your drinks and one of James's drinks, right? And then.

• 1:54:57Speaker 03

  And do what, like a toast to peace?

• 1:54:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, toast to peace. Yeah, yeah, you would drink my cum and I would say, you just drink my cum.

• 1:55:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:55:05Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? So, but in my mind, and this is where my morality and my ethics kicked in.

• 1:55:10Speaker 05

  There it is.

• 1:55:10Bobby Lee?

  I said, I should end this war. I think poo won.

• 1:55:15Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:55:15Speaker 03

  Wait, hold on, ethics and morality or fear of another up one upping?

• 1:55:19Bobby Lee?

  What would be the one upping after cum?

• 1:55:21Speaker 04

  A bowl?

• 1:55:22Speaker 03

  I think.

• 1:55:22Bobby Lee?

  I mean, think about.

• 1:55:23Speaker 03

  The emotions would have to guide me.

• 1:55:26Speaker 03

  On that.

• 1:55:28Bobby Lee?

  What it means?

• 1:55:30Bobby Lee?

  I mean, I mean, feel, feel, feel, feel that.

• 1:55:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:55:32Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 1:55:32Speaker 03

  I mean, when you told me you did that, immediately I'm like, that's for me.

• 1:55:35Bobby Lee?

  I'm filming.

• 1:55:36Speaker 03

  I almost cried.

• 1:55:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm filming.

• 1:55:38Speaker 04

  I think cube.

• 1:55:38Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:55:39Speaker 03

  How?

• 1:55:40Speaker 05

  So, hold on, all right, you just heard about this right now or you heard about this?

• 1:55:43Speaker 03

  The tray, yeah, I'm just hearing about.

• 1:55:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were to drink the cube, some of the cube, it would have melted definitely into the.

• 1:55:50Speaker 03

  It would have been, some would have melted already and then you'd be like, no, I didn't. And like, well, look at the melting ice cube in there. The ones, one's clear and one's not clear.

• 1:56:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:00Speaker 03

  You see the difference between ice and cum ice?

• 1:56:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:02Speaker 03

  Water ice and cum ice, you see how it's shaped different?

• 1:56:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:05Speaker 03

  And I'd be like, no way. And that was more.

• 1:56:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:08Speaker 03

  It, there would be a consistency of.

• 1:56:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:10Speaker 03

  I don't know what the consistency of unfrozen cum is.

• 1:56:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:13Speaker 03

  But.

• 1:56:13Speaker 05

  It'd be challenging.

• 1:56:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it'd be challenging.

• 1:56:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd accept that this might.

• 1:56:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what would have that, well now, what was the next level of that? That's what the fear is, and that's the equation.

• 1:56:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:56:22Bobby Lee?

  Is what happens after the cum.

• 1:56:24Speaker 04

  I think cubes, or is that?

• 1:56:25Bobby Lee?

  No, no, that's, that's less.

• 1:56:26Speaker 03

  That's less.

• 1:56:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I eat that now.

• 1:56:28Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:56:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:29Speaker 05

  I would say, I would say blood.

• 1:56:30Speaker 03

  Cubes are gross because it's been near your cum. I'll tell you where my mind went, I don't know if this would be it, but my first thought.

• 1:56:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:35Speaker 03

  I'm gonna fuck your mom.

• 1:56:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 1:56:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:56:39Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:56:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:56:40Speaker 03

  Wow. But like, that's a hard pull.

• 1:56:43Bobby Lee?

  That's a hard pull.

• 1:56:43Speaker 05

  It's hard.

• 1:56:44Bobby Lee?

  She doesn't like, you know?

• 1:56:45Speaker 03

  She doesn't like, yeah, and she lives far away.

• 1:56:47Bobby Lee?

  Lives far away.

• 1:56:48Speaker 03

  I didn't have gas money.

• 1:56:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:50Speaker 04

  But it all starts from a gay hug and it ended with gay cum.

• 1:56:55Speaker 03

  It ended before the gay.

• 1:56:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:56:56Bobby Lee?

  It ended before gay cum. And I'm not gay.

• 1:56:59Speaker 03

  So you would jerk off.

• 1:57:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and on top of that, my cum is not gay.

• 1:57:02Speaker 03

  Like you would.

• 1:57:02Speaker 04

  But you wanted someone to drink your cum.

• 1:57:04Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:57:05Speaker 04

  But you wanted someone to.

• 1:57:06Bobby Lee?

  I did.

• 1:57:06Speaker 03

  It becomes, it becomes gay when it.

• 1:57:07Bobby Lee?

  Let me ask you something. After poop, what is it then?

• 1:57:09Speaker 04

  It's cum.

• 1:57:11Speaker 03

  And then what's after cum?

• 1:57:12Bobby Lee?

  Cum is a nuclear warhead.

• 1:57:13Speaker 05

  It's a nuclear bomb. Yeah, you're right. That's the nuke.

• 1:57:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I think that's the nuke.

• 1:57:16Speaker 05

  War is over.

• 1:57:17Bobby Lee?

  And the war is over.

• 1:57:18Speaker 05

  That's a W M B.

• 1:57:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Because also, nobody wants to just go, now I'm gonna make you cum. That's like, I'll do this equalize.

• 1:57:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:57:25Speaker 03

  Equalize is nothing.

• 1:57:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it is. And you, and you also create global escalation.

• 1:57:30Speaker 03

  You can't, if you, if you do me, yeah.

• 1:57:32Speaker 05

  A hundred percent.

• 1:57:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I not right?

• 1:57:34Speaker 03

  If you cum cube me, I can't just cum cube you back.

• 1:57:36Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:57:36Speaker 03

  Right?

• 1:57:37Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 1:57:38Speaker 03

  No, you have to go further.

• 1:57:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you have to go further, and I don't think there is anything further in the realm of what we're doing here.

• 1:57:43Speaker 03

  May I call to witness something?

• 1:57:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:57:45Speaker 03

  May I call to witness something?

• 1:57:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:46Speaker 03

  Uh, uh, before when he said P should equal P?

• 1:57:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:57:49Speaker 03

  And I said, no, you have to one up it, and he denied it. He just said cum should go more than cum as retaliation, out of his own mouth.

• 1:57:55Bobby Lee?

  What did I say?

• 1:57:55Speaker 05

  He's using your words against you. He basically said that your eye for an eye thing that you said earlier, you just negated it by even trying to cum into the ice tray. That's his argument. That was pretty slick.

• 1:58:06Speaker 04

  And I have a question.

• 1:58:07Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I still don't get it.

• 1:58:08Speaker 05

  But Bobby didn't do it.

• 1:58:10Speaker 03

  Bobby didn't do it.

• 1:58:10Speaker 05

  But he didn't do it. He didn't do it because he felt that way. So, okay.

• 1:58:13Speaker 03

  But he.

• 1:58:13Speaker 05

  Negated.

• 1:58:13Speaker 03

  Was gonna do it.

• 1:58:15Bobby Lee?

  I was doing.

• 1:58:15Speaker 03

  And knew that I would have had to do something even more.

• 1:58:17Bobby Lee?

  I, I, because I'm a philosophical man.

• 1:58:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:58:20Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:58:21Speaker 04

  Filipino.

• 1:58:21Speaker 05

  As everybody who jacks off.

• 1:58:22Bobby Lee?

  Filipino. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:58:23Speaker 03

  Let's not ride this escalator.

• 1:58:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:58:25Speaker 05

  You're philosophical as everybody who jacks.

• 1:58:26Bobby Lee?

  And I thought to myself, I couldn't figure out what the next level was, so I stopped at what I, what I was doing. Right? Because I was too afraid.

• 1:58:36Speaker 04

  Of what?

• 1:58:36Bobby Lee?

  Because the next level could be violence, like a real violence.

• 1:58:38Speaker 03

  It could be violence.

• 1:58:39Bobby Lee?

  Which in turn, which in turn.

• 1:58:41Speaker 03

  There was.

• 1:58:42Bobby Lee?

  Happened anyway.

• 1:58:42Speaker 03

  There was. And I was like, and this is for the country.

• 1:58:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean, and knowing what I knew then, I didn't know this information, that he can get violent physically, right? Because the violence happened afterward.

• 1:59:00Speaker 03

  It's reminding me of that Faces song.

• 1:59:02Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:59:02Speaker 03

  Wish that I knew what I know now. I think is what he meant.

• 1:59:07Bobby Lee?

  I think that's what he meant.

• 1:59:10Bobby Lee?

  But anyway, so what is the judge's?

• 1:59:12Speaker 05

  Who's guilty, Bobby or Ari? For this entire escalation, is that a fair proposition?

• 1:59:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, what's the charge exactly?

• 1:59:20Speaker 06

  I don't understand.

• 1:59:20Bobby Lee?

  The charge is that this is all.

• 1:59:21Speaker 03

  Who's at fault? Who's at fault?

• 1:59:24Speaker 06

  But the cause and effect, he was molested.

• 1:59:26Speaker 05

  We're not gonna start, we're starting at the gym painter.

• 1:59:28Speaker 03

  That guy was just attracted to a hot guy. Now, you can't blame that guy.

• 1:59:32Speaker 05

  Who is to blame?

• 1:59:33Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:59:34Speaker 05

  Maybe this is a question, maybe this is a question that we're asking. Who is to blame for the poop on Bobby's car? Is it Bobby or is it Ari?

• 1:59:42Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 1:59:43Speaker 06

  Oh, if you frame it that way.

• 1:59:44Speaker 03

  Wait, hold on.

• 1:59:46Speaker 06

  I'm gonna say Ari.

• 1:59:47Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no, not frame it that way. Not frame it that way.

• 1:59:53Speaker 03

  Who's responsible for this thing?

• 1:59:55Speaker 05

  The whole fiasco.

• 1:59:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, can I, can I pause right here before you give an answer?

• 1:59:59Speaker 04

  James Painter?

• 1:59:59Speaker 03

  Can I do a promo?

• 2:00:01Speaker 05

  Please.

• 2:00:01Speaker 03

  Right here?

• 2:00:02Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, go ahead.

• 2:00:02Speaker 03

  I have a new storytelling show out with stories like this.

• 2:00:05Speaker 06

  And that's why we did this.

• 2:00:06Speaker 03

  That nice, 23 comedians telling stories just like this.

• 2:00:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:10Speaker 03

  The highest level of comedians who had the harshest past.

• 2:00:14Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 2:00:15Speaker 03

  In fact.

• 2:00:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you never asked me to do this.

• 2:00:19Speaker 03

  You did, this is not happening.

• 2:00:21Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:00:21Speaker 03

  And I did ask you to do this.

• 2:00:22Bobby Lee?

  I know you did.

• 2:00:23Speaker 03

  And you said, you had no response.

• 2:00:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, no response.

• 2:00:24Speaker 03

  No response.

• 2:00:25Speaker 04

  That's so cool.

• 2:00:26Bobby Lee?

  Great.

• 2:00:26Speaker 03

  You would have been right there over the T. You would have replaced, you would have replaced Nate Bargatze.

• 2:00:30Bobby Lee?

  Okay, go ahead. So what? So what a lineup, and where does one see this?

• 2:00:36Speaker 03

  AriShafir.com, you can get it.

• 2:00:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:38Speaker 03

  Each episode's five bucks, or you get them all for a dollar.

• 2:00:41Bobby Lee?

  Amazing. Amazing.

• 2:00:43Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 2:00:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, how many people are in one episode?

• 2:00:46Speaker 03

  About three to five.

• 2:00:48Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good.

• 2:00:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:00:49Bobby Lee?

  I'll do the next, I'll do the next one. Yeah, I'll do the next, there's not gonna be another one?

• 2:00:53Speaker 03

  I might have just been finished it off.

• 2:00:55Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 2:00:56Speaker 03

  Look at these guys, they're great.

• 2:00:56Bobby Lee?

  What a great lineup.

• 2:00:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:00:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:58Speaker 03

  Shane Gillis, Nate Bargatze.

• 2:01:00Speaker 04

  You could have done the poop story on this.

• 2:01:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:02Speaker 03

  I've done the poop story on my, on my, on my old show, This Is Not Happening, that has zero relation to this show whatsoever. That was a storytelling show featuring comedians at a strip club. This is a stor- hosted by Ari Shaffir. This is Ari Shaffir hosting a storytelling show at a burlesque club.

• 2:01:16Speaker 05

  Completely different.

• 2:01:17Bobby Lee?

  Completely different.

• 2:01:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:01:18Bobby Lee?

  Anyway, check that out. So let's go back to-

• 2:01:19Speaker 03

  Okay, so now?

• 2:01:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:01:21Speaker 03

  That was the recess.

• 2:01:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.

• 2:01:23Speaker 05

  Who is to blame for the whole fiasco?

• 2:01:25Speaker 03

  Who's to blame for the whole fiasco?

• 2:01:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:27Speaker 05

  Okay, let's go one by one here. Uh, I guess I'm gonna start with Cat Bird.

• 2:01:32Bobby Lee?

  Let, no, start with George.

• 2:01:33Speaker 05

  Oh, you want me to start with George? Okay.

• 2:01:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:01:34Speaker 05

  It's interesting, the defendant is ruling the judge.

• 2:01:37Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:01:38Speaker 05

  Sort of a Saddam Hussein on trial.

• 2:01:39Speaker 03

  Can I, can I, can I present something?

• 2:01:41Speaker 05

  Please.

• 2:01:41Speaker 03

  You've done a great job so far.

• 2:01:42Speaker 05

  Thank, thank you very much. I appreciate that. All right, uh, let's start with George. George?

• 2:01:47Bobby Lee?

  I think throw the whole case out. Everybody got what they deserved, uh, and it was perfect.

• 2:01:52Speaker 05

  Unacceptable answer. You have to pick one.

• 2:01:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you have to pick-

• 2:01:54Speaker 05

  Ari or Ari or Bobby?

• 2:01:55Bobby Lee?

  You have to pick one.

• 2:01:56Speaker 03

  Interesting.

• 2:01:58Speaker 05

  Who is, who is to cause?

• 2:02:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:00Speaker 05

  Who's caused all of this?

• 2:02:02Bobby Lee?

  What's the exact, what's the, uh, exact question?

• 2:02:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, what is?

• 2:02:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:02:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, give me the exact question.

• 2:02:06Speaker 05

  I think the problem with the question is we're worried that we skew the jurors. Bobby had poop on his windshield.

• 2:02:13Bobby Lee?

  Who is, whose fault was that?

• 2:02:15Speaker 05

  How did it get there?

• 2:02:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Whose fault was that? And I got-

• 2:02:18Speaker 03

  And it's also Japan, by the way.

• 2:02:19Bobby Lee?

  Also, and I got there through comedy.

• 2:02:23Speaker 05

  It's-

• 2:02:23Speaker 03

  But also, was this not comedy?

• 2:02:26Speaker 05

  It kinda was.

• 2:02:27Speaker 03

  The windshield wipers?

• 2:02:28Bobby Lee?

  It's in the salt. Because there were no witnesses to the comedy event, so therefore hence negate.

• 2:02:34Speaker 05

  Well, that-

• 2:02:35Speaker 03

  Uh, call second question.

• 2:02:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:02:36Speaker 03

  Call second question.

• 2:02:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:02:38Speaker 03

  When you're pulling a prank, ideally you wanna be there for the payoff.

• 2:02:41Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 2:02:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:02:42Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 2:02:43Speaker 03

  The next morning, I was asleep and this happened. I wasn't there for the payoff.

• 2:02:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:47Speaker 03

  Sometimes you just have to hope that it happens, trust that it happens. Woke up to a answering machine message.

• 2:02:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Back then, we had an answering machine.

• 2:02:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. I had missed the call.

• 2:02:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Please leave a message.

• 2:03:00Speaker 03

  And the call was this?

• 2:03:01Bobby Lee?

  Well, let me do it.

• 2:03:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:03:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Oi, I'm Ari Shaffir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:03:09Speaker 03

  Okay, you're doing you.

• 2:03:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:03:10Speaker 03

  You do me, I'll do you.

• 2:03:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:03:12Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:03:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my back, my back, um. Boysha, boysha, my back. My, my back, my back, um, leave a message, boop.

• 2:03:23Speaker 03

  Ari, I know it was you.

• 2:03:27Speaker 03

  Now, this, I'm finding out, is in between the handle and the, and the, and the, I know it was you.

• 2:03:34Speaker 03

  I could see the pieces of pastrami. It could only be you. I'm so mad at you right now. And right then he's saying, "I'm so mad at you right now." And I will, and then this happened. And on the phone call, he's going, and I... [screaming]

• 2:03:53Speaker 05

  He's discovering it on the phone with you?

• 2:03:55Bobby Lee?

  Yes, yes.

• 2:03:57Speaker 03

  [screaming]

• 2:04:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yes.

• 2:04:01Speaker 03

  It's, it's in old boy, it's when he realizes.

• 2:04:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, when he realizes. The horror.

• 2:04:06Speaker 03

  Breaking.

• 2:04:06Bobby Lee?

  When he realizes the horror. Alright, so with that in play, that didn't help you. What was that for?

• 2:04:13Speaker 03

  For comedic.

• 2:04:14Bobby Lee?

  That, I know, but that didn't help you. Alright, so now, with that in play, George.

• 2:04:18Speaker 03

  I won't go having a completion.

• 2:04:20Bobby Lee?

  Let's get this over with.

• 2:04:21Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:04:21Bobby Lee?

  This is way too long.

• 2:04:22Speaker 06

  Ari's fault, the whole way through, he, uh...

• 2:04:24Bobby Lee?

  Thank you so much. And Gilbert, please.

• 2:04:26Speaker 06

  Actually, I like this. Who's in charge of this whole fiasco of comedy?

• 2:04:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:04:30Speaker 06

  Ari. It was hilarious.

• 2:04:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:31Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 2:04:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:33Speaker 05

  You've changed the charge, but I'll take it.

• 2:04:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, uh, Alex?

• 2:04:38Bobby Lee?

  I think you started all of it, Bobby.

• 2:04:39Speaker 06

  There we go.

• 2:04:40Speaker 05

  One for Bobby.

• 2:04:41Speaker 03

  The dissenting view.

• 2:04:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, this is...

• 2:04:43Speaker 05

  We have one more vote left.

• 2:04:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Cat?

• 2:04:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:04:45Speaker 04

  Um, I'm gonna go with...

• 2:04:47Speaker 03

  I would never have noticed your pimple, by the way.

• 2:04:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:04:49Speaker 06

  That was Bobby calling.

• 2:04:51Speaker 04

  Bobby, 'cause I, I'm gonna go with Ari because Bobby is taking me on the road this summer.

• 2:04:57Speaker 06

  Wait, we have a biased jury?

• 2:04:59Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:04:59Bobby Lee?

  Wow, yeah, yeah.

• 2:05:00Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:05:00Bobby Lee?

  Uh, Judge, what's your final verdict?

• 2:05:02Speaker 05

  It's a tough one.

• 2:05:05Speaker 06

  How is it tough? What's a jury? What's a jury?

• 2:05:08Bobby Lee?

  One.

• 2:05:08Speaker 06

  We have a biased jury.

• 2:05:09Speaker 05

  It, it's, it's a difficult situation. It's a prank. It went awry. There was comedy involved. I, I found the situation deeply human.

• 2:05:19Speaker 03

  By the way, as human as a one state solution, which I believe is the only answer.

• 2:05:24Speaker 05

  With all equal rights for everybody?

• 2:05:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. With all equal rights for everybody, of course.

• 2:05:27Speaker 05

  Okay, side note, okay.

• 2:05:28Bobby Lee?

  I also want to say.

• 2:05:30Speaker 03

  West Bank is best back.

• 2:05:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I also want to say, Devontre, other people can also go on the road with me.

• 2:05:37Speaker 05

  I don't like that you're using violence.

• 2:05:39Bobby Lee?

  No, I'm not using violence, I'm just saying, I'm giving you hypotheticals.

• 2:05:43Speaker 05

  He's buttering me up and I don't like that you're...

• 2:05:44Bobby Lee?

  Exhibit C. Exhibit C is that, you know what I mean, there's so many people that have been asking me, please may I open, saying, "Don't just go."

• 2:05:54Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 2:05:55Bobby Lee?

  All right, so what I'm saying is...

• 2:05:56Speaker 03

  Just let's have a ruling, we shouldn't let this go.

• 2:06:00Speaker 03

  I'll take back Palestinian freedom, he takes back Devontre.

• 2:06:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:06:04Speaker 05

  Here's the thing, because I thought about this, it really is, it's hard, he has real notes.

• 2:06:10Speaker 03

  He has a lot of pages of notes.

• 2:06:12Bobby Lee?

  Yes, do it, man, this is a two hour podcast. Other guests coming.

• 2:06:16Speaker 04

  I'm so hungry.

• 2:06:17Bobby Lee?

  I'm dying right now. Yeah, let's go, let's go.

• 2:06:21Speaker 05

  This is on you, hold on, until the windshield wiper. In the moment that the windshield wiper went off, I have to give it to, I have to blame it on Ari, because it escalated to a place that it didn't need to.

• 2:06:32Speaker 03

  A double escalation.

• 2:06:33Speaker 05

  It was a double escalation.

• 2:06:34Bobby Lee?

  Like a double tap on a schoolgirl.

• 2:06:35Speaker 04

  Like a double homicide.

• 2:06:36Speaker 05

  I'm blaming Ari and it has nothing to do with the fact that I opened for you, it's the windshield wiper.

• 2:06:41Bobby Lee?

  Thank you so much.

• 2:06:42Speaker 05

  There's a maliciousness there that is no longer funny.

• 2:06:47Bobby Lee?

  You're fucking hilarious.

• 2:06:50Speaker 05

  All right, give Ari a chef here, all right?

• 2:06:52Speaker 03

  Thank you, thank you. And I also have a special on Netflix this afternoon.

• 2:07:16Bobby Lee?

  I just want to let everyone know that we ended the podcast, but then now, after, you know, after a podcast is done, there's mingling that occurs and there's new information that arises.

• 2:07:26Speaker 03

  We're friends in real life, too.

• 2:07:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so this is a new piece of information that we can probably put on Patreon, right? That is very interesting to me, alright? So after um, the incident occurred, and this is probably during the Ice Cube incident, that I pulled back on, right?

• 2:07:44Speaker 03

  I can't believe-

• 2:07:45Bobby Lee?

  What happened?

• 2:07:46Speaker 03

  That you-

• 2:07:46Bobby Lee?

  Okay, anyway, what happened?

• 2:07:48Speaker 03

  Okay, so Duncan Trussell, comedian, at the time, was the talent coordinator at the Comedy Store.

• 2:07:53Bobby Lee?

  He was the guy that booked the um, acts at the store.

• 2:07:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, which really is just taking notes from Mitzi. We were talking about how there's no repercussions, and I was like, oh yeah, oh.

• 2:08:01Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 2:08:01Speaker 03

  So Duncan said on his own, Mitzi found out about this, and she was very upset and wants answers. Mitzi never heard about it. Duncan just-

• 2:08:11Bobby Lee?

  I would argue, though, that she did. Cause I, I, I, cause it is something, something where I would say to Mitzi, cause I had a direct line to her-

• 2:08:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:08:21Bobby Lee?

  About like, yeah, yeah, this guy just shit on my car.

• 2:08:24Speaker 03

  I don't think he did, because when I was punching you, you didn't even call her.

• 2:08:28Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's right.

• 2:08:28Speaker 03

  So-

• 2:08:33Bobby Lee?

  Good point, good point, okay, so go, continue.

• 2:08:37Speaker 03

  So, he goes, we want an answer to this, and Jim wrote a note, a letter, to Mitzi through Duncan. Said, please give this to Mitzi as my explanation. Again, now Mitzi never heard about this in any way.

• 2:08:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:48Speaker 03

  The only reason I know about the note is because it didn't get to Mitzi. And the note said, "I wanted to leave that night, he's just ratted me out. Ari wouldn't let me."

• 2:08:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 2:08:58Speaker 03

  As if he's a fucking nine-year-old, as if he's not a human grown adult without, with his own-

• 2:09:03Bobby Lee?

  Hey, sure, okay.

• 2:09:04Speaker 03

  Freedom. He goes, "Ari wouldn't let me, Ari shit in a bag, Ari then put the shit on the car." Now, listen, I'll give you a wee shit, a wee put the shit on the car, but I believe I shaded it and gave it to him, and then he put it.

• 2:09:19Bobby Lee?

  But now, the reason why I, the information that I knew was because of the letter.

• 2:09:24Speaker 03

  Because of the letter, but that was him lying to get out of stuff.

• 2:09:27Bobby Lee?

  I see.

• 2:09:27Speaker 03

  Because he's acting like he didn't do anything in this, because I get it, he might get in trouble in this situation and have to really like, knock his spots.

• 2:09:35Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay.

• 2:09:36Speaker 03

  So he's, he's trying to save his own ass.

• 2:09:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:09:39Speaker 03

  And he gave that letter to Mitzi, but to Duncan through Mitzi. Duncan, at that point, called me and goes, "I got a letter you gotta see."

• 2:09:48Bobby Lee?

  Okay, here we go, yeah, yeah.

• 2:09:50Speaker 03

  And he gave me the letter-

• 2:09:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:09:52Speaker 03

  And I said, "Well, don't tell him that I got this."

• 2:09:55Bobby Lee?

  Uh huh, uh huh.

• 2:09:56Speaker 03

  What's going on? I have this.

• 2:09:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, they did?

• 2:09:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, we got new info.

• 2:09:59Bobby Lee?

  Come on, sit down. Where's new information? Yeah, go real quick. The setup is this, okay?

• 2:10:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10:05Bobby Lee?

  Let me just reiterate it really quickly.

• 2:10:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:10:07Bobby Lee?

  Just real quick, because you missed it, right?

• 2:10:07Speaker 04

  I'm so hungry.

• 2:10:08Bobby Lee?

  I know you are, I know. I understand that, but you have to... You're very important to this, okay? Here's the thing, okay? And I'll give you money to eat.

• 2:10:17Speaker 03

  He's known for that.

• 2:10:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. My wallet upstairs, just wait, okay? So here's some chips for you, and they're called... I don't know. Anyway, um, so real quick, right? Duncan Trussell used to be the talent coordinator of the Comedy Store, right? He calls Ari and goes, Mitzi...

• 2:10:35Speaker 03

  Calls Jim.

• 2:10:35Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 2:10:36Speaker 03

  Calls Jim.

• 2:10:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you said that.

• 2:10:39Speaker 03

  But I mean, it wasn't me. He called Jim. He didn't call me.

• 2:10:43Bobby Lee?

  Well, he called Jim and goes, Mitzi found out about this, and she's really mad about it, right? And so what Jim Painter did...

• 2:10:52Speaker 03

  Wants to know what happened.

• 2:10:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. What Jim Painter did is write Mitzi a letter that Mitzi didn't even know about. She didn't know about the poo. There was some trickery happening on Duncan Trussell's part.

• 2:11:02Speaker 05

  He just wanted to hear about it?

• 2:11:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:11:04Speaker 05

  Is that it?

• 2:11:04Speaker 03

  Wanted to keep it going?

• 2:11:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, stirring the pot.

• 2:11:07Speaker 03

  I get it, stirring the pot.

• 2:11:08Bobby Lee?

  I also have to say this, though, real quick, too, is that I had a very close relationship with Duncan Trussell, right? So there is communications going on with him as well.

• 2:11:17Speaker 03

  So Jim wrote a note saying, "I didn't want to leave, Ari wouldn't let me. I wanted to leave, Ari wouldn't let me. He forced me to do it. He shit in a bag. He put the shit on the car." He might have said, "We put the shit on the car." But that's why I think it was him, because he was lying. He was ratting on me. And he was lying to get himself out of trouble.

• 2:11:34Bobby Lee?

  Which, now, if you think about it, too, he's a rat.

• 2:11:38Speaker 03

  He's a rat.

• 2:11:38Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 2:11:39Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 2:11:39Bobby Lee?

  And so, the pee makes more sense.

• 2:11:43Speaker 05

  That you're saying it's just...

• 2:11:45Speaker 03

  You pee on a rat.

• 2:11:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I instinctually can see a rat.

• 2:11:49Speaker 03

  You can see a rat.

• 2:11:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:11:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. And I can feel a rat, right? And what does one do when you see a rat?

• 2:11:55Speaker 05

  You pee on their car?

• 2:11:56Bobby Lee?

  You pee on their car.

• 2:11:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:11:57Bobby Lee?

  You pee on their car.

• 2:11:57Speaker 03

  Poison it.

• 2:11:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:11:58Speaker 04

  You poison them with piss?

• 2:11:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, you poison them. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:12:00Speaker 03

  So Duncan shows me the letter.

• 2:12:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:12:02Speaker 03

  Mitzi never gets involved, but Jim thinks Mitzi's involved.

• 2:12:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:12:05Speaker 03

  He's like, "I gotta save my own skin."

• 2:12:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:12:07Speaker 03

  We've all been there, young comic. You do what you gotta do.

• 2:12:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:11Speaker 03

  So Duncan gives it to me and I was like, print that out and let me have it.

• 2:12:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:15Speaker 03

  And I saved it.

• 2:12:16Bobby Lee?

  You saved the letter?

• 2:12:17Speaker 03

  I saved the letter.

• 2:12:18Bobby Lee?

  You still have the letter?

• 2:12:18Speaker 04

  Do you have it with you right now?

• 2:12:20Speaker 03

  Not right now.

• 2:12:20Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 2:12:21Speaker 03

  I will have a letter of it.

• 2:12:22Bobby Lee?

  But I don't want a doctored letter.

• 2:12:23Speaker 03

  Oh, no, no, no. If I have a picture, I got a picture. I can look and maybe.

• 2:12:27Bobby Lee?

  Wow, okay, wow.

• 2:12:28Speaker 03

  I saved it because here's the reason I saved it.

• 2:12:30Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 2:12:31Speaker 03

  Because I printed out two copies. A year later, now you're a rat, which is the number one thing you cannot be at the comic.

• 2:12:38Bobby Lee?

  A hundred percent.

• 2:12:39Speaker 03

  A rat. So we're going to La Jolla.

• 2:12:42Bobby Lee?

  You and James.

• 2:12:43Speaker 03

  Me and James, Rick Ingram.

• 2:12:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:45Speaker 03

  We had those, you know, you go Wednesday and stay Wednesday night and Thursday, they stay at the counter.

• 2:12:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:49Speaker 03

  So we did that. We had a great time. We had a blast.

• 2:12:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:52Speaker 03

  I arranged the lineup that night.

• 2:12:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:54Speaker 03

  So that of the three of us, we're gonna head back Thursday night, we're all broke, of the three of us, Jim would be the last one on.

• 2:13:02Speaker 03

  Of the LA comics.

• 2:13:03Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 2:13:05Speaker 03

  Rick Ingram gets offstage. I was already on. Rick Ingram gets offstage. It's like a 10 person.

• 2:13:09Bobby Lee?

  Can I just say this too, right? At the time, Rick Ingram was still almost unfollowable.

• 2:13:15Speaker 05

  Really?

• 2:13:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, there was a host though, but yes.

• 2:13:19Bobby Lee?

  He was very funny.

• 2:13:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. He's crushing, crowd work, just.

• 2:13:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:13:22Speaker 03

  But, anyway, Rick gets off. He's like, I thank you, you know, he gets off. They bring on Jim. I gave a note to the bouncer there, the door guy.

• 2:13:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:13:33Speaker 03

  And I said, hand this to Jim when he gets off. And it's that letter folded up with the red lettering on it that says, rat.

• 2:13:42Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 2:13:43Speaker 03

  Is a year later.

• 2:13:44Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 2:13:44Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 2:13:46Speaker 03

  And then I told Rick, I'm like, we're leaving. You can come with me or you can stay here. I don't care.

• 2:13:52Speaker 05

  Dude, that's incredible.

• 2:13:53Speaker 03

  The other way home.

• 2:13:55Speaker 05

  He just left.

• 2:13:56Speaker 03

  And Rick's like, what, what, what?

• 2:13:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:13:58Speaker 03

  What?

• 2:13:58Speaker 04

  Wait, before he got on and did this or after?

• 2:14:01Speaker 03

  He's on stage now. He'll be on for seven more minutes. The door guy's like, present this to Jim when he gets off.

• 2:14:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:14:07Speaker 03

  And then we're in the car and we're going.

• 2:14:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:14:09Speaker 03

  Rick's like, I'll go, but can you tell me what? I'm like, on the five, I'll tell you.

• 2:14:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I presume there are two rats in the story.

• 2:14:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:14:19Speaker 05

  Oh, the plot thickens.

• 2:14:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe, and this is, and I hope this doesn't interfere with our relationship, right? But I think, um.

• 2:14:31Bobby Lee?

  I think you are as well, a rat.

• 2:14:33Speaker 03

  In what way?

• 2:14:35Bobby Lee?

  In the way of like, you pushed him on to you doing the-

• 2:14:39Speaker 03

  No, rat means telling on.

• 2:14:41Bobby Lee?

  It does?

• 2:14:41Speaker 03

  I'm a dirtbag, I'm not a rat.

• 2:14:42Speaker 05

  A snake, maybe.

• 2:14:43Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're a snake, you're a snake. Snake and rats are different. I'm sorry, I'm a bad- You're a snake, you're not a rat.

• 2:14:50Speaker 05

  Wrong you.

• 2:14:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrong you. He's a rat, you're a snake.

• 2:14:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:14:55Bobby Lee?

  What am I?

• 2:14:57Speaker 03

  What?

• 2:14:57Speaker 05

  You're a worm.

• 2:14:58Bobby Lee?

  I'm a worm.

• 2:14:59Speaker 05

  You're a worm.

• 2:14:59Bobby Lee?

  I'm a worm. I see.

• 2:15:01Speaker 03

  Rats, worms, and snakes.

• 2:15:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what do worms do?

• 2:15:03Speaker 05

  I'm a worm.

• 2:15:04Speaker 04

  I think I'm a cockroach.

• 2:15:05Bobby Lee?

  I'm a cockroach, worm.

• 2:15:06Speaker 04

  Because you never die.

• 2:15:07Bobby Lee?

  I never die.

• 2:15:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 2:15:08Bobby Lee?

  I survive.

• 2:15:09Speaker 03

  Survive.

• 2:15:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm a survivor.

• 2:15:11Speaker 03

  Went on.

• 2:15:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'll go on and on and on.

• 2:15:13Speaker 03

  So we left, and then Jim got offstage, same thing, "Hey, all right, everybody, hey." And then the door guy's like, "Here," he goes, "What's this?" And he's like, "Rat." And then he opens it up, and it says, "Dear Mitzi."

• 2:15:24Speaker 05

  Oh, fuck.

• 2:15:24Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:15:26Speaker 03

  "I need to tell you, explain to you what happened." He goes, "Hey, where's Ari?" And they go, "Ari's gone." And he goes, and he read the whole thing. And he's like, "Where's Ari?"

• 2:15:36Bobby Lee?

  He has no ride back to LA. He's in San Diego. Wow. Wow. No money. Yeah.

• 2:15:43Speaker 03

  So, we arrived back at the Comedy Store.

• 2:15:45Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 2:15:46Speaker 03

  Uh, with about an hour and 50 minutes, we get right back there.

• 2:15:50Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 2:15:51Speaker 03

  Uh, we're hanging out in the parking lot.

• 2:15:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:15:53Speaker 03

  And then we're talking, Freddie's there, a bunch of people are there. The manager comes out about 20 minutes after I got there, and goes, "Hey, I just got a call from the-" "Did you leave Jim Painter there?" Didn't even tell anyone.

• 2:16:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:16:04Speaker 03

  And everyone's like, "What?" I'm like, "Rats get what rats get."

• 2:16:08Bobby Lee?

  And that's so true. So true.

• 2:16:11Speaker 04

  Where is it?

• 2:16:13Bobby Lee?

  The rat, the rat.

• 2:16:14Speaker 04

  Where is this guy now?

• 2:16:16Speaker 05

  Uh, he comes on Monday sometimes.

• 2:16:17Speaker 03

  Doesn't really?

• 2:16:18Speaker 04

  Wait, is he the-

• 2:16:18Speaker 05

  I swear to God.

• 2:16:19Speaker 03

  Tell him I said hi.

• 2:16:19Speaker 04

  Is he the, ha ha?

• 2:16:21Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 2:16:22Speaker 03

  We're not gonna do that.

• 2:16:23Speaker 04

  Is he haha?

• 2:16:24Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 2:16:25Speaker 03

  He influenced more of us more than almost anybody.

• 2:16:27Bobby Lee?

  He was so funny.

• 2:16:28Speaker 03

  And he had to make the same decision you had to make. He goes, well, I want to get Ari back now. And then he had the same realization he told me later.

• 2:16:35Bobby Lee?

  There is no.

• 2:16:36Speaker 03

  And then what'll happen? And he goes, I'm not equipped for this ongoing fight.

• 2:16:41Speaker 04

  Was he also coming?

• 2:16:41Speaker 03

  I'm gonna let it die.

• 2:16:43Bobby Lee?

  But it's also the resilience of the Jew.

• 2:16:47Speaker 03

  Oh, that, and that way.

• 2:16:48Bobby Lee?

  I think that's the moral of the story. I think that's the moral of the story.

• 2:16:52Speaker 03

  The resilience of the Jew.

• 2:16:52Bobby Lee?

  The resilience of the Jew.

• 2:16:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:16:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:16:55Speaker 03

  And that's it. He never did it again.

• 2:16:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he never did it.

• 2:16:57Speaker 03

  People start saying it was a year to the day.

• 2:16:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think you're a Mossad agent, Dan.

• 2:17:03Bobby Lee?

  I mean.

• 2:17:03Speaker 03

  I saved that letter for so long and I'm like, I know what I'm gonna do with it. I just have to figure out the time. We were headed down once and then Mitzi was telling me.

• 2:17:09Bobby Lee?

  Because the discipline to wait a year, you know what I mean, shows conniving.

• 2:17:15Speaker 06

  Crazy discipline.

• 2:17:16Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 2:17:16Bobby Lee?

  Discipline.

• 2:17:17Speaker 03

  One time we were headed down there with Jim, but Mitzi was going that, that day. It was like, can't do it because she.

• 2:17:21Bobby Lee?

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 2:17:22Speaker 03

  What are you doing?

• 2:17:23Speaker 05

  I'm showing her a photo of him if she remembers him. He comes around on Mondays. I've seen him before. This is a kind of, not the greatest photo, but it's all that pops up.

• 2:17:29Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:17:30Speaker 04

  But there is this. He does this thing now when he, he's a lot older.

• 2:17:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:17:34Speaker 04

  And he does this thing now, every, after every punchline, he goes, haha.

• 2:17:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:17:38Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see, okay.

• 2:17:39Speaker 05

  So now I just, I do.

• 2:17:40Bobby Lee?

  He has a hook.

• 2:17:41Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 2:17:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:17:42Speaker 03

  Hamburglar.

• 2:17:43Speaker 05

  He's working.

• 2:17:46Speaker 05

  Working it out on Mondays.

• 2:17:47Bobby Lee?

  He's working out, okay. Well, God bless him.

• 2:17:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:17:50Bobby Lee?

  There's no, there's no animosity, pure peace, you know what I mean?

• 2:17:54Speaker 03

  He got his.

• 2:17:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:17:55Speaker 04

  Can I ask you a question, Ari?

• 2:17:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:17:57Speaker 04

  If you had the come ice cubes.

• 2:17:59Speaker 03

  Don't spray it.

• 2:18:02Speaker 04

  If you had the come ice cubes, would you have the foresight to be like, this is too much? Or would you have done the come?

• 2:18:08Speaker 03

  If I had a tray of, of two cubes of ice cubes?

• 2:18:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, and.

• 2:18:11Speaker 05

  Oh, interesting. Had she been, had you been in Bobby's place?

• 2:18:15Speaker 03

  And I had got, and it wasn't just like, I thought I'll do it, but I had been doing it and I'd say, so there's work wasted if you don't use it.

• 2:18:21Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 2:18:21Speaker 06

  Too much.

• 2:18:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:18:23Speaker 03

  So you were coming on top of frozen cubes at some point?

• 2:18:25Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:18:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:18:27Speaker 04

  The layer cake.

• 2:18:28Speaker 03

  You're a fucking lunatic.

• 2:18:30Speaker 05

  It's probably like when you fuck Jello.

• 2:18:31Speaker 03

  Would I have used?

• 2:18:32Bobby Lee?

  I was so mad.

• 2:18:33Speaker 03

  I believe I, I believe I might have. It depends. But I also might have been like, they're gonna, I might have thought, yeah, you were mad.

• 2:18:39Bobby Lee?

  Because if, if I drank your cube.

• 2:18:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, what would you have done? You were ready to stop it, poop on the window.

• 2:18:45Bobby Lee?

  No, I would have gone to Mitzi.

• 2:18:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. You'd be like, I don't want to live like this.

• 2:18:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I can't, I'm going to go to Laugh Actor Improv. I think I had that weight.

• 2:18:52Speaker 03

  I can't be here anymore, I'm telling you why.

• 2:18:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and I think that there would be a regional effect.

• 2:18:58Speaker 04

  But you wouldn't, you wouldn't have been afraid of the next step, would you?

• 2:19:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I would have to have been afraid.

• 2:19:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:19:04Speaker 03

  You have to end it.

• 2:19:06Bobby Lee?

  You have to end it peacefully.

• 2:19:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

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