EP.238 - ADAM AND JOE LIVE @ ROYAL FESTIVAL HALL

Adam and Joe get together on stage at the Royal Festival Hall for some foolish waffle, including Chalamet/Bobbles chat, Made Up Jokes, Eggcorns, paranormal fun, a conceptually revolting restaurant trip, brand new Song Wars songs and a beautiful rendition of an Adam and Joe Show musical classic. WARNING! CONTAINS VERY STRONG LANGUAGERecorded live at the RFH on December 5th, 2024 EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal https://nordvpn.com/buxton Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee! Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and conversation editing, and Becca Bryers for sound mix Podcast illustration by Helen Green https://helengreenillustration.com/ Thanks to Kid Klava https://www.instagram.com/kidklava/ for his work on Adam's musical tribute to Joe Thanks to Christoph Bauschinger https://coolmusicltd.com/composers/christoph-bauschinger/ for live piano and his work on Joe's musical tribute to Adam PLEASE HELP IMPROVE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE SLEEPING ROUGH BY DONATING TO ST MUNGO'S https://mungos.org/buxtonAND DON'T FORGET 'MUSIC FOR ALL https://musicforall.enthuse.com/donate#!/'AND THEN PRE-ORDER 'I LOVE YOU, BYEEE https://lnk.to/ILoveYouByeee' by Adam Buxton - out in May 2025 Thanks podcats. JONNY SWEET’S UPLIFTING FILM PICKI recommend Jonny’s book - The Kellerby Code https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Kellerby-Code-Audiobook/B0CSVTDRDM. The link is for the audiobook - very nicely read by Jack Davenport. Genuinely a highlight for me this year. Almost as good as re-watching Cliffhanger… CLIFFHANGER https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c55DDQT8zDA (TRAILER) Directed by Renny Harlin - 1993 (YOUTUBE) BJÖRK SOUTH BANK SHOW DOC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-Z9Zp65Fak - 1997 (YOUTUBE) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Adam Buxton?

  Podcats, please welcome your host for the Adam Buxton Podcast Live. It's Adam Buxton Podcast Live.

• 0:13Adam Buxton?

  How you doing?

• 0:20Adam Buxton?

  Good to see you. Thank you so much for coming along.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. I took my microphone and found some human folk. Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke. My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man. I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

• 0:54Adam Buxton?

  Hey, how you doing, Podcats? Adam Buxton here.

• 1:07Adam Buxton?

  That's the sound of myself and my dog friend Rosie trotting along. At a fair lick on a Norfolk farm track on a grey, slightly less aggressively cold Christmas Eve. I thought I'd say a regular hello from the farm track before we get back to the Royal Festival Hall for the main podcast. But welcome to episode 238. And if you're listening on Christmas Day or festive area central, then merry Santa times in your face. I hope you're doing well wherever you are. Now, I'm assuming you know roughly what you're in for. This is me and writer-director Joe Cornish, Attack the Block, Kid Who Would Be King, Lockwood & Co.

• 1:51Adam Buxton?

  Upcoming projects he refuses to tell me about. And you're going to hear us onstage in London's beautiful Royal Festival Hall, back towards the beginning of this month, and we were in front of a sold-out crowd of roughly 2,700 humans. Two shows we did that night. Joe makes a reference to the hall's capacity later, so I thought you might like to know what it was. And it was lovely to see Joe, always good to see him. We've been friends since we were about 14. Now we're middle-aged guys with kids. We don't see each other as often as we would like, so it's always nice to have an excuse to get together. Now, I did say a few weeks back on the podcast that we were considering recording additional

• 2:35Adam Buxton?

  Christmas waffle face-to-face for this episode, but in the end, we had such a fun time onstage that we've kept it at that for this year. Next year, I don't know what we'll do. Oh, look, it's the Christmas bells drifting across the fields.

• 2:58Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, before we return to the Royal Festival Hall, a couple of things I just wanted to say. First of all, if you're one of the people who sometimes says to me, "Buckles", I just feel so guilty that you work so hard on the podcast and then just give it away for free. Please, can I send you some cash to solve my aching conscience? To those people, I would say, "No, look, hey, don't worry. That's why I've got adverts. However, if you are in a position to part with some cash, I would consider it a personal favour if you donated some of it to St Mungo's. Homelessness and rough sleeping are, sad to say, at their highest levels since records began.

• 3:43Adam Buxton?

  Rough sleeping alone has increased by 27% in the last year. One thing we can do is help some of the people who are helping those affected. And there are many hardworking organisations doing that, but I'm gonna ask you to support St Mungo's. Their frontline response has an immediate impact on people's lives. Your donation could provide someone who is sleeping rough with advice, access to emergency accommodation, a hot meal, whatever they need. Your donation will help keep St Mungo's teams on the frontline, doing a job that desperately needs to be done. I have made a donation, if you're able to do so as well, please go to mungos.org/buxton.

• 4:28Adam Buxton?

  There's a link in the description, next to the one where you can preorder my book. If you can't click both, preorder the book. No, I'm joking, just do the St Mungo's one. Content warning, now there is a content warning in the live show, which you'll hear in just a second, but I just want to make it clear here as well, that this episode is not really intended for young children. There's one or two briefly smutty and revolting bits, there's quite a lot of bad language, including the C-word, and I'm afraid I don't mean Christ. But I did want to say, if you are the parents of Ivy, who sent in a made-up joke, or Zady, who had a lovely egg corn, your contributions are in this podcast, I've put them just after

• 5:11Adam Buxton?

  the adverts and before my goodbye at the end of the podcast. In case you want to locate them and play them to the kids, without suddenly stepping on an F-bomb. As for the rest of you, I'm afraid you can expect the usual, mature brackets, immature content. Right now, let's return to the Royal Festival Hall, where my ironical reference to some terminology I heard quite a bit on various podcasts before the American election, is met with silence by the audience. Here we go. Okay, everybody's in, welcome, low-information-and-low-propensity podcasts, it's great to have you out here.

• 5:53Adam Buxton?

  Thought I was gonna get a bit more of a titter for that line, but that's okay. It got what it deserved. I need to do a bit of housekeeping before we get going, a brief warning, content warning, this presentation may contain smut-filled dirt.

• 6:10Adam Buxton?

  First world problems, definitely fake news, artificial intelligence, a little bit real stupidity, words, phrases, attitudes, and men that are aging badly.

• 6:20Adam Buxton?

  Please bear that in mind. I'm 55. Any 55-year-olds in the house? Raise your hand if you are over 55. Okay, now raise your hand if you sleep through the night.

• 6:36Adam Buxton?

  Not so many.

• 6:39Adam Buxton?

  Let's meet someone who is even older than me. He's nearly 56, in fact. His birthday's coming up. He shares a birthday time very close to Jesus Christ. He is another JC. Please welcome Joe Cornish.

• 7:03Adam Buxton?

  There he is. Actual J-Corn.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. You, him. You guys, that guy.

• 7:13Adam Buxton?

  How are you? Do you sleep through the night, J-Corn?

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Did I sleep through the night?

• 7:18Adam Buxton?

  Do you?

• 7:18Speaker 02

  I did, yeah. I slept from about midnight till 5. Then I woke up with a major bowel event. And then I sent my daughter to school. And then I slept from... I watched an episode of Frasier. And then I slept from about 9 till about 11.

• 7:37Adam Buxton?

  You went back to bed?

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's a show day and I'm gonna be up late. I love it. I love it.

• 7:44Adam Buxton?

  Wow.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  It was so nice, and I slept so well.

• 7:47Adam Buxton?

  Going back to bed? I didn't realize that was an option.

• 7:51Adam Buxton?

  Now, J-Corn, we have to sing the introductory jingle. Well, we've had the introductory jingle. Now we sing the jingle that goes before the main body of the show. That is the ramble chat jingle. Are you familiar with this podcast?

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I've written the lyrics on an envelope. And no, I love it very much.

• 8:11Adam Buxton?

  You should know them off by heart. Ramble chat, let's have a ramble chat. That one.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  I'm just not in an intellectual frame of mind when I listen to them. It's so emotional for me. It's driven by the heart.

• 8:24Adam Buxton?

  Now, Podcats, will you help? This is gonna be a little bit like a kid's pantone, right? But you'll just have to let yourself go with that. Will you join us in singing the ramble chat jingle?

• 8:39Adam Buxton?

  This is a special version of it, which is going to be played on the piano. It's a beautiful arrangement, originally by podcat Ben Cooper, tonight, performed by Kristoff Bauschinger. Let's hear it for Kristoff.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  And Kristoff Bauschinger is a brilliant composer. He's worked on films such as Paddington, Paddington Two, The Kid Who Would Be King, Lockwood and Co, as well as a brilliant music editor. He's a superb composer and pianist. Kristoff Bauschinger.

• 9:14Adam Buxton?

  Kristoff is Joe's musical collaborator for tonight's Song Wars battle as well. And I have my own musical collaborator. We've reached a certain age. We've got younger people to do all the hard stuff for us.

• 9:30Adam Buxton?

  My one is called Kid Klava. I don't think he is in the house right now. But we are going to sing Ramble Chat right now. Kristoff, are you ready to hit those ivories? All right, get tinkling.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Highbrow.

• 9:53Adam Buxton?

  Ramble chat, let's have a ramble chat. We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that. Come on, let's truth of that and have a ramble chat.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

• 10:34Adam Buxton?

  Wow!

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 10:39Adam Buxton?

  Thank you, Kristoff Bauschinger!

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Very good, very good, very good.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  That sounded like, like a really bizarre monastic order. Somewhere in Scotland?

• 10:51Adam Buxton?

  Well, we thought we needed to raise the game, seeing as we are here at the Royal Festive Hole Hall.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:58Adam Buxton?

  Where the Queen once stood, oh, Laura, Laura, in the end, she doesn't like it when it gets tacky.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  What?

• 11:05Adam Buxton?

  She doesn't like it when it gets tacky, in the end. So nice when you got a lolly penis man.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  The penis band?

• 11:12Adam Buxton?

  Penis man!

• 11:13Speaker 02

  The penis man.

• 11:14Adam Buxton?

  So, if you were a penis, walk on a penis in a way, boy, Alora. That is an impression of the Queen.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  It's been an exciting year for podcasts, right?

• 11:28Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  As a sort of, as a sort of thing, they've exploded, right? Haven't they?

• 11:34Adam Buxton?

  I thought they exploded a while back.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  No, I've noticed that.

• 11:37Adam Buxton?

  Are they still exploding?

• 11:38Speaker 02

  The top five in the podcast charts is All The Rest Is, right?

• 11:43Adam Buxton?

  Goal hanger.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, so big corporations have come in and they've started to, to push the brave little rebel podcasts a little further down the charts.

• 11:52Adam Buxton?

  Are you talking about Buckles?

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:55Adam Buxton?

  Am I being squeezed down the bottom of the charts by Gary Lineker?

• 11:59Speaker 02

  These Lineker-backed Bahamas.

• 12:00Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  And live podcasts do seem to be very popular, right? The Rest Is Politics played like Wembley did they or something? Or the O2 or something?

• 12:10Adam Buxton?

  Madison Square Garden, they did, sold out 10 nights there, I think.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  The Rest Is Entertainment did the Royal Albert Hall last night. Now, I'll have you know, the capacity of the Royal Albert Hall.

• 12:21Adam Buxton?

  Cornish Googled it.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Is less than two shows at the Royal Festival Hall.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 12:32Speaker 02

  But I just.

• 12:33Adam Buxton?

  In your face, Osmonds!

• 12:35Speaker 02

  I just wondered, like, are live podcasts better than, than the normal, like, podcasts? What is it that people love about live podcasts? Well, some of you might have seen that before the show, I was out in the lobby just vox popping people to find out why they're so passionate about live podcasts. Thank you very much for, for, for anybody who spoke to me. Here's some of what I learned. Hello, sir. I'm just asking people what they love about live podcasts.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Oh, well, yes, I love live podcasts. I just love people, two people, not, don't have to be famous, could be anybody, just on stage talking about anything, really, just making it up, just any, any, any old bollocks. I love it.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Yes, Adam and Joe actually aren't my favourites because they prepare too much material, which I don't like. I, I prefer it when people just chat randomly about, say, food or politics or the world of entertainment. I don't like prepared material. I find it cringey.

• 13:34Adam Buxton?

  Cringey. Let's just hear a couple more.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  I don't really like the intimacy of normal podcasts. The sort of way the people are like in your ears, like they're your friends. I find it creepy and invasive. I prefer a big auditorium with hundreds of people in it, much better.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  I like how in a live podcast, the presenters are less relaxed and more nervous and anxious. I prefer that.

• 14:00Adam Buxton?

  Just a, just a final one.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  One of the things I like about live podcasts is the atmosphere is more tense. So less funny things get laughed out of a sort of sense of collective anxiety.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  I like listening to live podcasts because when they say the catchphrases, everybody, everybody cheers and laughs because they recognise the catchphrase.

• 14:23Adam Buxton?

  Stephen!

• 14:26Speaker 01

  My wife.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Hey, we've got another catchphrase tonight, right?

• 14:32Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yes.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Because last Christmas, you were talking about the Rest Is Politics and you were talking about Rory Stewart's habit of saying, "Very good", in order to round off a section of the podcast.

• 14:43Adam Buxton?

  Yes, if it's been a complicated, heated Alistair Campbell rant about Netanyahu, at the end of it, rather than taking it further, he just goes...

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 14:55Adam Buxton?

  And moves on to the next thing.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I hadn't really heard that whilst listening to that podcast, but after last year, I really started to notice it. And I started noticing that my partner, my lady wife, does it. So every time she said it, I'd just go immediately as a sort of reflex action, "Very good", back to her. She didn't like it at all. She gave me a really dirty look. But as you can see, we've, we've collected a couple of "very goods", and Adam's got them on his sampler, that we're going to use tonight just to punctuate the podcast. So if something goes really well, you might hear a...

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  Something's even better.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Very good, very good, very good, very good.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  That'll work in, in about 10 minutes.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Very good.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Very good, very good, very good.

• 15:39Adam Buxton?

  No! You're a nice guy!

• 15:45Speaker 02

  Is that Christian?

• 15:46Speaker 05

  Seriously, man, you and me, we're fucking done professionally.

• 15:51Adam Buxton?

  Now, Jake Horn, I've done a special song for you. This is the first of a number of musical... Now, it's Christmas time. Christmas is all about music, and this show is gonna be packed with great, great music. This is a short song, less than a minute, I think.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Thank God.

• 16:04Adam Buxton?

  Oh. And it's about one of our favourite new, young, beautiful movie stars.

• 16:17Adam Buxton?

  Come on!

• 16:22Adam Buxton?

  Call me by your name, not my name.

• 16:27Adam Buxton?

  Today is gonna be a Chalamet day. I'm gonna have a Timothée Chalamet day. Dance with little women in a Chanel spray. I'm gonna have a Chalamet day. I'm going to the beach with a pipe in my nose. Do a swanky leg dance in the dunes, then put on my shades and pretend to be Bobbles and sing some protest tunes. Yes, Chalamet day, Chalamet day. Gonna have a Timothée Chalamet day. Gonna go bonkers, have several Willy-wonkers. Gonna have a Chalamet day, yeah.

• 17:02Adam Buxton?

  Gonna have a Chalamet day. Thanks very much.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 17:10Adam Buxton?

  You love Chalamet, yes?

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, everybody loves Chalamet, right?

• 17:13Adam Buxton?

  What's not to love about Chalamet?

• 17:15Speaker 02

  From his first appearance in Interstellar. He was in stuff before that, but that's the first time I remember seeing him as the little kid in Interstellar. And then he's just rocketed to sexy stardom, hasn't he?

• 17:26Adam Buxton?

  Keeps on rocketing. How old is he now, fifteen?

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:31Adam Buxton?

  And now, he is in this film about Bobbles, Bob Dylan, for those of you who don't know about music. And...

• 17:41Adam Buxton?

  It's called "A Complete Unknown". Now, you don't actually know that much about Bobbles, do you, Jake Horn?

• 17:46Speaker 02

  No, that's well titled for someone like me.

• 17:48Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  I don't have any Bob Dylan records.

• 17:50Adam Buxton?

  Do you not?

• 17:51Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I don't know. You know, I know the famous stuff, but I don't know anything about him. Is anybody with me? Ooh, cool.

• 18:00Adam Buxton?

  Indifferent to Bobbles?

• 18:02Speaker 02

  Not because I got anything against him, but just, I never thought he had a very good voice.

• 18:06Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 18:09Adam Buxton?

  Cliche.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Well, he wouldn't do well on the X Factor, would he? He can't really do runs.

• 18:15Adam Buxton?

  He can do all the runs, he just doesn't want to. But anyway, he's in A Complete Unknown, this film about bobbles. It's directed by James Mangold. Have you come across Mangold in your film work?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Not personally, no.

• 18:29Adam Buxton?

  No.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  I've seen his films, though.

• 18:31Adam Buxton?

  Mangold.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Did he do the last Indiana Jones?

• 18:36Adam Buxton?

  Say again?

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Did he do the last Indiana Jones film?

• 18:38Adam Buxton?

  He did Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  That was really good.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Good to see Indiana Jones back in action.

• 18:54Adam Buxton?

  He did Logan.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  That was good.

• 18:55Adam Buxton?

  That was good. Girl Interrupted, that was back in the day. And he did Walk the Line, most relevantly to this one.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  King of the biopics, the music biopics.

• 19:05Adam Buxton?

  Biopics?

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Sounds like a medical procedure.

• 19:08Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Which in some ways it is.

• 19:10Adam Buxton?

  Biopia is a, yes, it's a medical condition. It's a narrowing of truth and meaning. In order to win awards.

• 19:20Adam Buxton?

  But no, this is a biopic. And apparently Mangold is also working on a Star Wars prequel, Jay Corn.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  I think everybody is working on a Star Wars prequel. Is there anybody here who isn't currently working on a Star Wars? No, there you go.

• 19:33Adam Buxton?

  This one is set 2,500 years before the first film.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Really?

• 19:38Adam Buxton?

  And it's about the origins of the Force. Because I'd been wondering, like, all through the films, I was like, "When is someone gonna tell me more about the origins of the Force?"

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:48Adam Buxton?

  What I really want is a film about, like, a real estate company in Mos Eisley.

• 19:55Adam Buxton?

  How did that, what's life like for them?

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Even you talking about it on this level, I've tuned out.

• 20:02Adam Buxton?

  A complete unknown, though. The hardcore podcasts will be listening to this on Christmas Day, and maybe later on they'll be going to the cinema to see this film that people say is amazing, like the previews are incredibly positive. Everyone says Timothée is gonna just shovel up all the awards and munch them. And the film is set in the early 1960s. Nineteen-year-old Bob Dylan arrives in New York with his guitar and revolutionary talent. He's destined to change the course of American music. But it's a very authentic film. Like, they are really going hard on the authenticity for this, from the EPKs that I've watched. Does anyone call them EPKs anymore? We'll have to check with Marina Hyde.

• 20:44Adam Buxton?

  But in this film, Timothée sings forty Bob Dylan songs. He does all the singing.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Fucking hell, how long is it?

• 20:55Adam Buxton?

  It's really long.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  I mean, if they're three minutes long, that's 180 minutes just for the songs.

• 21:01Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. It's very long. He sings forty Bob Dylan songs. All the microphones and recording gear in the film are authentic to the period. Timothée stayed in character during the shooting to keep the performance authentic.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Oh, god.

• 21:17Adam Buxton?

  Anyone wanting Timothée to come to the set, and if they made the mistake of saying, "Mr. Chalamet, we're ready for you", he wouldn't reply. "Timothy who? I don't know who you're talking about, man. I'm Bobbles. If you want me to do something, use my name. Call me by my name." That's what he says. He mixes in all the old films that he's done as well. "I'm sick of little women running around. You're making me feel wanker, really wanker." That's what it was like. It was authentic. But it's appropriate, because he is a giant. He's a legend, Bobbles. Did you ever... I'm assuming the answer's no,

• 21:58Adam Buxton?

  but did you ever read Bob Dylan's "The Philosophy of Modern Song"?

• 22:03Speaker 02

  No.

• 22:04Adam Buxton?

  It's very good. It's genuinely good, yeah. It's brilliant. He writes about some of his favorite songs, most of which are from the 1800s.

• 22:14Adam Buxton?

  And he writes brilliantly and talks about what he loves about the song and just sometimes just goes off on random tangents. It's really brilliant stuff. But one criticism was that so many of the choices were from the ancient times. There's a volume two that is coming out and I just listened to the audiobook.

• 22:34Adam Buxton?

  Joe?

• 22:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm listening, I'm listening.

• 22:38Adam Buxton?

  And I wanted to play you a little snatch. Because luckily, he's bringing it more up to date.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 22:45Adam Buxton?

  In volume two, and here's an exclusive clip for you podcasts.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Blue, Double D, by Eiffel 65, released in 1998. One day you woke up and noticed something different about the world. What happened to the spectrum? Now everything, your house, your car, your clothes, your lady friend, even your thoughts and your words are blue. You got to get out of this blue, hooey. You can't take it. It's not that you don't like blue. It's fine in the sky, in the Indian Ocean, or when Picasso had a period of it. But you've got to have the other colors too, or you'll become a spiritual monster.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  This song is a monochrome monolith, an autotune rhapsody in azure with a lyric commonly misheard as "I'm blue and I'm in need of a guy", or "I'm blue, if I was green I would die". In fact, Italian musician Jeffrey Jay articulates a timeless existential agony with the words "I'm blue".

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 24:19Adam Buxton?

  Very good, very good, very good.

• 24:22Adam Buxton?

  All right, now, let's move on to a segment, and this is going back to old Six Music days. I'm a funny person, I often make up jokes. My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree. Come on. You're all invited to a made up joke party.

• 24:49Adam Buxton?

  It's good to be with people who appreciate made up jokes. What is a made up joke, Jake Horn?

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Well, a made up joke is a joke that we think has never been told before. So you've got to stay away from cheese puns, ant-related puns, obvious punnery that you might get in a cracker. So usually, made up jokes are quite tortured, and the best made up jokes require contextualisation that is seven to eight times longer than the joke itself. So thank you to everybody who answered Adam's call in his last couple of podcasts to send in made up jokes. We got a lot of them, and we put them through a sphincter tight filter to get the most impactful made up jokes out.

• 25:31Adam Buxton?

  It's horrible analogy.

• 25:34Adam Buxton?

  Have you got a tortured one to start with there, or would you like me to go first?

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Well, having said all that, uh, no.

• 25:39Adam Buxton?

  Do you want me to start?

• 25:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:40Adam Buxton?

  Okay. This is from Charlie McDonald. Dear Count Buckler and Cornington Crescent.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Ooh, I like that.

• 25:49Adam Buxton?

  I don't think you ever had Cornington Crescent before.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  No, that's good. I'd like to live there.

• 25:53Adam Buxton?

  I thought of this terrible made up joke about 15 years ago whilst listening to your wonderful show, but I never sent it in.

• 26:01Adam Buxton?

  Wind.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  But this is good. He's been haunted by this joke for 15 years.

• 26:08Adam Buxton?

  I think I'm being haunted by it now, too. Okay. Question. Have you heard that Sarah Jessica Parker has bought some old puppets from the sooty show to store her underwear in?

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I did. I did hear about that, yeah.

• 26:27Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. She likes to keep her bras in the sweep puppet, her pants in the Sue puppet, and her socks in the sooty. Sss.

• 26:41Adam Buxton?

  Then there's the explanation from Charlie McDonald. Brackets, socks in the sooty, sounds a bit like sex in the city.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  That is good.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  That's a very convoluted run.

• 26:55Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, I love you both very much. Bye. Thank you, Charlie McDonald.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  This isn't so much convoluted as just sort of, I don't know about this one. Ada Nelson, aged 15, in Folkestone. Two people at a funeral. One of them asks, "Did you enjoy the service?" The other says, "Yeah, it was a great service. He will surely be missed." The other says, "Actually, he's being cremated, so I think he's gonna be smoke."

• 27:21Adam Buxton?

  Oh, beautiful.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  From a 15-year-old.

• 27:25Adam Buxton?

  That's pretty good.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  That is gonna be a successful adult. With a firm grip on the morbid-ness of life.

• 27:33Adam Buxton?

  Love it. Here's a short one that I thought you might appreciate, Joe. Uh, this is from Tom. Dear Count Buckley's and Joe Cornballs Cornish, Why can't you fast-forward a cat? Because they're always on pause.

• 27:49Adam Buxton?

  I mean, I did Google it. I didn't get any hits. It's on the edge there, though, isn't it?

• 27:54Speaker 02

  I'll take that one.

• 27:55Adam Buxton?

  All right, Tom, you snuck through there. You shouldn't have.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  I mean, this one is, is on the same level from Joe Sothard, South herd? I don't know. 46 from Brill in Buckinghamshire. "Hi there, I have a made-up joke for you. A man goes to the doctors and says, 'I've got red flowers growing out of the end of my penis.' Doctor, poppycock."

• 28:18Speaker 02

  It's punchy.

• 28:21Adam Buxton?

  That's good.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  I Googled that, and that was a very long Googling session.

• 28:27Adam Buxton?

  All right. Uh, now, how do you feel about some egg corns, Joe?

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Very good. I love egg corns.

• 28:32Adam Buxton?

  All right. Now, I have to sing the egg corn jingle, because I don't have it on my keyboard. Uh, it's to the tune of popcorn, appropriately enough. "Take a phrase and mash it up. Now you're in the egg corn club." Egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, corn.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 28:53Adam Buxton?

  There you go.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  What more do we need?

• 28:55Adam Buxton?

  Raise your hand if you don't know what an egg corn is. No, everyone knows what an egg corn is. It's a misheard phrase or word. And it's subtly different from a mondegreen. Some people get them confused. A mondegreen tends to be a misheard lyric. Classic one being, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy", instead of "Excuse me while I kiss the sky" by Jimi Hendrix. That's a mondegreen. We're just talking about egg corns, you know? It's a gibber.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  I know. Yeah, I know.

• 29:26Adam Buxton?

  That kind of thing. Have you got one there?

• 29:28Speaker 02

  I have, yeah. So here's a good one, I think, from Emma. She says, "Ho, ho, ho, Adam and Joey. I'm a primary school teacher at a school in London, so naturally, all the children I teach are lefty Liberal Labour supporters. At least, they're very good at regurgitating whatever their lefty Liberal Labour supporter parents say to them. Once, to keep my year-two class quiet for five minutes, I put Newsround on, and Boris Johnson appeared on the screen. Instead of watching quietly, one of the girls immediately jumped up out of her chair, put her hand on her head and shouted, 'Oh, no, not John Bonson!'

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Cue five minutes of brutal Bonson bashing from 37-year-olds. Instead of the intended peace and quiet, the former Tory leader has been known by this affectionate egg corn among me and my lefty Liberal pals ever since 'Merry Christmas, I Love You' by Emma." Very good. John Bonson.

• 30:19Adam Buxton?

  John Bonson, not to be confused with...

• 30:22Speaker 02

  John Ronson.

• 30:23Adam Buxton?

  John Ronson. But Joe had confused John Bonson with John Ronson.

• 30:32Adam Buxton?

  And people never forgave him. He was cast out of polite society

• 30:41Adam Buxton?

  and never employed again.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Very good.

• 30:47Adam Buxton?

  Here's another nice child-based one, though. And this is from Rufus, who is a quartermaster. Do you know who the quartermasters are, Joe?

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Well, like, is it on a ship? Some sort of person on a sailing boat or ship?

• 30:58Adam Buxton?

  No, they're people who listen to the whole of my podcast and don't stop...

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Oh, shit, sorry.

• 31:04Adam Buxton?

  Don't stop listening in the last quarter when the numbers drop off quite massively.

• 31:11Adam Buxton?

  Thank you for the years of great podcasts, always magnificent listening. Thank you very much, Rufus. I wanted to share an egg corn from my childhood. As a toddler, my father would, after drying me off post-bath, wrap me up in a towel and lift me up by bunching the four corners together.

• 31:30Adam Buxton?

  I suddenly got really emotional.

• 31:34Adam Buxton?

  My dad did this to me as well. Did you never have this? God, I read this one out. It didn't occur to me that it was in any way emotional. But suddenly reading it out, I just had a flashback of being wrapped up and lifted up. By bunching the four corners together and suspending me under his hand, shouting, "Air, see, rescue!"

• 31:57Adam Buxton?

  Carrying me around the house and depositing me on my bed. I loved it so much, I would request this service daily. Asking my father if he could "air, see, resc me."

• 32:10Adam Buxton?

  My toddler brain evidently having heard "air, see, rescue."

• 32:16Adam Buxton?

  Needless to say, he would always oblige, and I have now extended the same service to my daughter. Ah, "air, see, resc me." Don't you do the "air, see, rescue"?

• 32:28Speaker 02

  I don't know if my parents did, I don't remember. We used to do, like, get into sleeping bags, be carried around in sleeping bags, like you're in Santa's sack.

• 32:37Adam Buxton?

  Yes, like rubbish.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:40Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, we had it with bin bags.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right. They did it once and left me out with the bins.

• 32:48Adam Buxton?

  "Air, see, resc me." I remember Louis Theroux told me that he used to say a similar thing to his dad, because his dad was talking about doing interviews, and Louis said, "Will you do an interview me?"

• 33:00Speaker 02

  That's good. Okay. Oh, here we go. We are two sisters, Miranda and Ellie. We are watching your 9pm recording on the 4th of December with our dad, Robert. Are you here?

• 33:10Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Hey! All right, here we go, you know what's coming. Our mum told us about an event she attended that was so busy, everyone was there, and there was Stanley Ramonley. Miranda replied, "Who the hell is Stanley Ramonley?"

• 33:28Speaker 02

  She thought, and continued to believe afterwards, that so many people were at the event, everyone was there, even Stanley Ramonley. It seemed odd that Stanley was so often in crowded places. I'm sure our dad would be so proud that he raised such intelligent daughters, now aged 29 and 31, and not at all rolling his eyes, fighting the urge to say, "What is wrong with you?" Thanks, Miranda and Ellie, that's a great one.

• 33:54Adam Buxton?

  Stanley Ramonley.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Stanley Ramonley.

• 34:00Adam Buxton?

  From the Ramonleys. My favourite band. Now, this is not really an egg corn, it's sort of egg corn adjacent, because it was a slight misunderstanding, but I was on the train earlier this year with my beautiful wife, on the Eurostar, and, you know my hat? My docker cap?

• 34:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 34:23Adam Buxton?

  This is the white docker cap, usually I would be, this is a festive version, usually I would be wearing the green docker cap.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  You've almost completed your transformation into Jean Reno, I like to think.

• 34:33Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, I was talking to Sam Campbell, the comedian, earlier this year on the podcast, and he mentioned my hat, he mentioned that he was surprised and a little disparaging about my hat. I just picked up from him that he didn't really rate my hat.

• 34:48Speaker 05

  Your hat has no brim. I was shocked when I saw you wearing it.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, were you?

• 34:52Speaker 05

  Because I've only seen, like, sort of, I don't know, I just, I've seen them, I've seen them around, but on different kinds of guys.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  This doesn't sound good.

• 35:01Speaker 05

  I've seen them on, like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I was just, I was shocked.

• 35:06Adam Buxton?

  And I started to get insecure about it, and then a few weeks later, we were on the train, and the guy with the drinks trolley came down, and he was a very animated Spanish man, very chummy and slightly over familiar, but in a fun way. "Hey, guys, hello, how you doing? Okay, let's get a drink here, okay, how you doing, sir? You're going somewhere nice, wonderful, great." This is what Spanish people are like. But I was, you know, I was in a good mood, we're on a break for a couple of days, I was bantering along with him, and then at one point, he leans over... My wife. And leans towards me, and he says, "You look like a cunt in that hat."

• 36:00Speaker 02

  Makes sense.

• 36:01Adam Buxton?

  Which I thought was too much.

• 36:06Adam Buxton?

  And I said, "Excuse me, what did you say?" And then he leaned in and he said, "I said, you look like Eric Cantona."

• 36:22Adam Buxton?

  But I swear, I thought he said,

• 36:26Adam Buxton?

  "You look like Cantona."

• 36:30Adam Buxton?

  That's how my mind works.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you think you look, which do you think you look like?

• 36:38Speaker 02

  If you were to say, from the gut.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  It's got a little strap at the back. It's like a baseball cap without the visor. Show the audience the back, because I thought it was a fisherman's cap. It's got one of those things.

• 36:54Adam Buxton?

  It's got an adjustable bit at the back. So you can, this one is slightly too large for me. I can tuck my ears in.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  It just looks like an un-unfold condom.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Very good.

• 37:06Adam Buxton?

  Now we're roughly halfway through the podcast. I think it's going really great.

• 37:14Adam Buxton?

  The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate. All right, mate. Hello, geezer. I'm pleased to see you. Ooh, there's so much chemistry. It's like a science lab of talking.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  I'm interested in what you said.

• 37:29Adam Buxton?

  Thank you. There's fun chat and there's deep chat. It's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking.

• 37:37Adam Buxton?

  Hey, how you doing, podcast? Sorry, it's me back on the farm track again. I'll get you back to the Royal Festival Hall shortly. But I wanted to do just another very brief charity shout out. This time for Music For All. They're a UK charity helping disadvantaged music makers experience the joys and far-reaching benefits of making music. I do believe that music is one of the best things in the world with genuinely mysterious and magical powers. For good, I guess, on some level. Music For All believe that too. So if you... Can help with a donation. There's a link in the description.

• 38:14Speaker 05

  Thanks, okay.

• 38:16Adam Buxton?

  Here's a bit of Zavid in jingle form to get us back to the Royal Festival Hall.

• 38:21Speaker 05

  It's a compulsion that leads you to explore that leading edge of the art.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm just a curiosity seeker. Looking at the idiosyncrasies of things.

• 38:46Adam Buxton?

  A mountain or a tree is the manifestation of forces that we are not capable of dealing with. I'm very drunk in this. Are you ready for another my wife story?

• 39:02Speaker 02

  My wife. Yes, definitely.

• 39:04Adam Buxton?

  She plays a supporting role in this one again, really.

• 39:08Adam Buxton?

  She wasn't absolutely heavily featured in the last one. But we went out, we went out for a meal at a fancy restaurant. Someone had given us a voucher. And it was one of those places where there's quite a few courses, like ten or something. And each course comes with a little card that they put down in front of you. And the card has the story of how the dish came about. And not only are you given the card, but the card is read out by the server. And the servers rotate, not just one server. You get all the whole cast of the restaurant come around and read the stories.

• 39:48Adam Buxton?

  And then at one point, we got the actual chef, who came up with the whole menu. He came out for one dish. And the dish was a brioche bun, but it had like a glazed dome, nutty brown glazed dome. But there was two of them. Can you picture that? Like a double dome brioche bun. And so he sits down, he doesn't sit down, he sort of kneels down.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Not on the table.

• 40:17Adam Buxton?

  Not on the table, no.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Good for them.

• 40:20Adam Buxton?

  He's kneeling down, me and my wife, we're smiling.

• 40:25Adam Buxton?

  Nodding, saying, "Okay, what's the story behind this one?" And he says, "This one came about in the lockdown. And like many people, I was baking, I was making sourdough. And my young daughter, toddler at the time, she was out, it was a hot day, one of those hot lockdown days, first lockdown. And she was running around, and I saw her little buttocks. And the sight of her little toddler buttocks inspired this dish. And I call it bum bread. And I was appalled.

• 41:09Adam Buxton?

  Bum bread. And you know, it was supposed to be just a bit of fun midway through the meal, but I didn't think that was okay.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Bun bun fun.

• 41:21Adam Buxton?

  Toddler bun bun fun.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Was there anything in it?

• 41:27Adam Buxton?

  Like a filling?

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. So it could have gone one of two ways. Nutella. Rancid mince. Or Maltesers. If you're lucky, revels. They're just easier to deal with.

• 41:52Adam Buxton?

  Revels would have been perfect. But even if it's something nice, even if it's not rancid mince, even if it's nutella or something, you don't want to bury your face in the bum bread with having the nutella, or do you?

• 42:08Speaker 02

  You didn't lick a little, take a little sample? No. No, good, you just took a good old bite.

• 42:13Adam Buxton?

  Gave it a pinch.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  You gave it a pinch.

• 42:16Adam Buxton?

  No, I was too appalled, I think.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  You could have other, like...

• 42:19Adam Buxton?

  Other child-based...

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Toddler-based food?

• 42:21Adam Buxton?

  Toddler-based food.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  Like what if the waiter came in with sort of a little vomit splash of yogurt on his shoulder? Like when you're holding a baby and they're sick on your shoulder? "Monsieur, un petit peu de jus de bébé." And you'd have to lick it off his shoulder.

• 42:41Adam Buxton?

  One by one, or he has it on both shoulders and

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:44Adam Buxton?

  My wife on one shoulder, me on the other.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 42:47Adam Buxton?

  Licking away.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  What about when a kid, like when a child has so much snot in their nostril that it literally fills the whole nostril? And it's just a sort of meniscus of solid, green snot. So you could serve a pistachio mousse

• 43:03Speaker 02

  in a test tube with a spoon.

• 43:06Adam Buxton?

  In two test tubes.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Two test tubes with a spoon that's a bit too big to fit in the top.

• 43:11Adam Buxton?

  I mean, how are you gonna get it out? You could suck it out, right? That's what mums do.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 43:16Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  Well, in the olden days.

• 43:18Adam Buxton?

  I've never seen it done, but I honestly, I hear tell. They absolutely love them kids, those mums.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  They're getting alarmed up in the side seats. There are some panicking mums.

• 43:30Adam Buxton?

  Mums, do you suck the snot out of your kids' noses? Yes, she says.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  Like sort of snake venom?

• 43:40Adam Buxton?

  Because you've got to, how else are you gonna get the snot out of the kid's nose?

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Everyone knows you blow hard on the anus.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  And it shoots out. You have to block the other nostril.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Everybody knows that. Very good.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  She does it.

• 44:03Adam Buxton?

  She does it.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  She does it. She does it to, you do it to kids that have nothing to do with you. Don't you? If you spot one in the street, you're like, "Excuse me."

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Do you? And then you spit it out like a tough cowboy.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  With a, with some tobacco.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Thanks, bye.

• 44:33Adam Buxton?

  Which will you vote for? Which one is the best? We're putting our songs to the listener test. So check it out. Now, you don't actually have to vote.

• 44:48Adam Buxton?

  But we have come up with two brand-new songs.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  How long is yours?

• 44:53Adam Buxton?

  Uh, it is two minutes thirty, I think. How long's yours?

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Two thirty-six.

• 44:58Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  It seems longer.

• 45:02Adam Buxton?

  Now, what's the theme, Joe? You suggested this one.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Well, the theme this year is tribute songs to one another.

• 45:07Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  And we didn't have a particularly in-depth conversation about this before we did it. I think I just sent Adam a text saying, "Hey, why don't I do a tribute song to you?"

• 45:16Adam Buxton?

  Sure.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  And you do a tribute song to me. He might even have just thumbs'd up the text.

• 45:20Adam Buxton?

  Definitely.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  And then that was it. There's been no further communication on the subject.

• 45:25Adam Buxton?

  I was like, "Yeah, good, jobs are good, no problem. Let's stay up our own arses."

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Let's go further up. Who knows what we'll find, what treasures we will find? Musical polyps.

• 45:39Adam Buxton?

  Well, would you like to expose your musical polyp first?

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Sure. This is just called "Adam Tribute Song", and it was written in conjunction with the marvelous Christoph Bauschinger, who you met earlier. And yeah, this is called "Adam Tribute Song". It's a sort of Jamiroquai-style funk track.

• 45:56Adam Buxton?

  Whoa.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Jamiroquai would be...

• 45:58Adam Buxton?

  Not enough people referencing Jamiroquai.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  No, no, no. He'd be disappointed with this, I think. But, um, and it gets quite deep. You know how my songs tend to get a little bit sincere?

• 46:10Adam Buxton?

  Oh, dear.

• 46:49Speaker 05

  You're my funny little furry friend A love like ours will never end His dad's a travel journalist Who gets free shit to travel with He's got a Sony camera kit He says that we can borrow it We make stupid videos Ten years later, what do you know? We got our own TV show The Adam and Joe Show For the following five years It's Glue, Comes and Godlipers But we had no idea About the pressure we would share We used to be two silly kids Having fun for the hell of it Now we're both joined at the hip That's not a normal relationship

• 47:33Speaker 05

  Sometimes you got a little bit annoyed With my masterpiece is made with toys Sometimes the atmosphere could get toxic I call you a cock You call me a dick It's 2024 The years went by so fast You've got a badger beard and a popular podcast You've got a wife and kids A whip and cross called Rosie A phony kids and writing books You're cuddly and cosy What happened to the leather boots? The Tippix leather jacket? The angry man who shot a drink Small packet after packet? Maybe it's the letting go Of being Adam from Adam Joe

• 48:18Speaker 05

  So you could be the Puckelies That you were always meant to be

• 48:25Speaker 05

  The kind of competition we outgrew It was bad for me It was bad for you But now your nightmares have all come true You're competing with Louis the Louvre

• 48:43Speaker 02

  There you go. Very good. I mean...

• 48:51Speaker 02

  Thank you. That song references bother boots and a Tippex leather jacket.

• 48:56Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  An angry man who's... who... who... I can't remember what the words are. But you did used to wear a leather jacket with Tippex.

• 49:05Adam Buxton?

  It wasn't Tippex, it was just paint.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  A white paint.

• 49:08Adam Buxton?

  It was white paint.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  And like, big boots.

• 49:10Adam Buxton?

  Yes. Yeah, big Dr. Martins.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you look good, man. You look sort of Lou Reed-ish. Angry Art Lou Reed.

• 49:18Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, thank you very much. Well, I've gone a similar route. Wow, that was our whole evolution as a duo in there. And you acknowledged some of the tensions. I'm acknowledging some of the tensions in my book.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Are you?

• 49:32Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, my book's coming out next year and I write a lot more about you and me.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Oh, about you and me? I thought you said, "There's a lot more about you than me."

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Which would have been disturbing.

• 49:44Adam Buxton?

  No, that wouldn't be right.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Are you gonna send it to me first, like you did the last one? Or will this one be a...

• 49:48Adam Buxton?

  I can.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  A Cornballs bomb?

• 49:51Adam Buxton?

  No, I don't want you to... I don't want to fall out with you. So I'll send you the stuff.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:59Adam Buxton?

  I mean, I'll tell you... I'll give you a heads up. There's a transcription of an argument that we had at XFN.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Oh, really? But you've got, what, for real?

• 50:08Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Well, that was off-air?

• 50:11Adam Buxton?

  It was off-air, but when I got home that day, I wrote it in my diary.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 50:18Adam Buxton?

  And I found it and I thought, "Pop that in the book."

• 50:23Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, so this is my song for Joe and this one is called "Cornballs."

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Amongst the fools, one guy seemed kinda cool. And I thought the way he saw the world was groovy. With a bucket full of scorn and balls that popped with corn. He acted like the star of his own movie. And that was cornballs, AKA J-Corn. J-Corn could be sensitive, J-Corn could be mean. You could see it in his choice of film.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Avoye's off on, left him misty eyed. But he also liked the ones where nuts would torture folks and kill 'em. I thought, "Serve me up some cornballs, serve me up a pack." Sweet and salty, that's my favorite style.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  As long as they got cornballs, I'll keep on coming back. I need something to munch to make me smile.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  He liked Thomas Dolby, he liked prefab sprout. Full-fat Coke and Marlboro Lights and Sasquatch. But chief amongst his dreams was to smear the silver screens with the magic bullshit cooking in his brain patch. He cooked up his cornballs, he stuffed them in their eyes. Even though some people said, "No, thank you." He said, "Shut up, just have them cornballs, you will realize. They're good for you, so take them or I'll spank you."

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Time to take a J-Corn break, and then we'll put the song to bed. Back in the day, Joey liked to smoke. He rolled a doobie like no other. But now he's straight, like Michael McDonald. He's a father and a former doobie brother. He's getting grayer, but hey, he's an industry player. And he keeps on growing, not showing no signs of really slowing. Knowing, knowing where he's going, next expect the unexpected. Just keep on ordering them cornballs. They've improved my life. They made me laugh and gave me a career.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  There's times I've loved those cornballs more than my actual wife. But not since we've been married, I'd like to make that clear.

• 53:01Adam Buxton?

  Kid Klaver was my musical collaborator there. I urge you, if you are interested in great music, to go and seek out his Instagram, where he posts all sorts of musical adventures. He's very talented. He is my Christoph Bauschinger.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  That was very good.

• 53:16Adam Buxton?

  And I'm very grateful indeed to Kid Klaver. So yeah, that was my take on our relationship. And as I say, I do write about it in the book.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  I'm excited. I'm gonna definitely be your number one reader.

• 53:29Adam Buxton?

  Well, I want you to... How do you feel, though, about the XFM thing, for example?

• 53:33Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 53:34Adam Buxton?

  Yeah?

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love it.

• 53:36Adam Buxton?

  To be straight with you, I haven't finished the book. It's not technically finished, but it's nearly finished, and I think it's gonna be good. Once I've sent it to Cornballs and got him to sign off on it, it should be out in May next year.

• 53:55Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 53:59Adam Buxton?

  Yes, please.

• 54:03Adam Buxton?

  Yep.

• 54:08Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  Do you want a viewing recommendation?

• 54:10Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah, go on, give us a viewing recommendation.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  So one of the best things I've seen this year was on Netflix. It was a series called Surviving Death. And it's a supernatural show about near-death experiences and mediums and signs from beyond that those who've passed are still alive. And it had an extraordinary medium on it, a woman from Holland who apparently is world-renowned. And in the documentary, she got a group of people who wanted to communicate with people beyond the grave, and they went into this room in this mansion somewhere in England, closed all the curtains, breathed very deeply. This incredible medium, she was strapped to a chair, so she couldn't cheat or anything, and then she entered into a profound and amazing supernatural trance.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  And the first person she contacted on the other side was her spirit guide, who was a Native American called Silver Cloud. So I'm gonna play you a clip, and this is her contacting Silver Cloud. Good evening, friends. Good evening. It is...

• 55:11Speaker 05

  There's always a delight and a privilege to be able to join you and to unite both worlds as one. My world realizes the importance of this evening to get the message across.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Incredible. Silver Cloud, Native American who passed many years ago, very great respect for him. And now Silver Cloud then contacts another extraordinary spirit guide, and this is, as Adam has said, all real, you can watch this for yourself. Silver Cloud contacts a, I think, a Victorian street urchin called Tommy, who is the second spirit guide. And this might freak you out, this is chilling. Here's Tommy. Tommy is coming.

• 56:01Speaker 05

  Hi guys!

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Hi Tommy!

• 56:03Speaker 05

  It's so different to be in another place, you know?

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Can you hear Tommy?

• 56:08Speaker 05

  Yes!

• 56:08Speaker 02

  I'm a little bit excited, Tommy.

• 56:10Speaker 05

  Are you?

• 56:11Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 56:12Speaker 05

  Yes! That's what I liked, you know?

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Now, you might think that sounds like a puppet show at a children's party.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  Hi guys!

• 56:21Speaker 02

  But you would be wrong, because that's a genuine dead Victorian urchin communing with the other side. Netflix. And here, do you want to hear Tommy Boy now reading someone's, I don't know what the fuck it's called, reading their dead person? Here we go.

• 56:39Speaker 05

  What's your name, sir?

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Thomas.

• 56:41Speaker 05

  Would you understand your grandfather Andrew? He says you like fish. You eat them and you sell them.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:49Speaker 05

  Yes. And do you like cars?

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 05

  Did you have a very ugly green one? So thank you all for speaking. Bye bye!

• 57:00Speaker 02

  Amazing, green car.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Green car and fish. Okay, listen, we're very privileged today because that very medium has agreed to do a live reading from Holland for one of you.

• 57:18Adam Buxton?

  Oh wow!

• 57:18Speaker 02

  I know. So, I'm gonna select, just Phil for a second.

• 57:22Adam Buxton?

  Okay, this is exciting. I actually watched the first episode of Surviving Death. I watched the near-death one.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  It's quite good, the first episode.

• 57:30Adam Buxton?

  It's pretty good.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  So, why don't you come up, please? Ladies and gentlemen, round of applause for this gentleman, please.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  What is your name, sir? Frank Buxton.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  This is spooky already. Here we are.

• 57:50Adam Buxton?

  This is my eldest son, in case you're unaware.

• 57:56Adam Buxton?

  He's what's known as a plant.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  How rude. Okay, so let's see whether...

• 58:03Adam Buxton?

  He's a beautiful plant, though.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  Her name's Nicole, this sir. Let's see whether Nicole is there, live, from Holland. Let's see whether she has contacted Silver Cloud. Good evening, Joe. Tommy is ready to come through. Are you ready, Frank? Yes, yes, yes. Deep breath, deep breath. Here we go.

• 58:28Speaker 05

  Hi, guys. It's so great to be here at the Royal Festival Hall. I see a young man in front of me. What is your name, young man?

• 58:38Speaker 02

  Frank.

• 58:39Speaker 05

  I am feeling a very strong presence in your life. Does the name Adam mean anything to you?

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 58:50Speaker 05

  I have him here with me. He is short and hairy and insecure. Is there something you understand?

• 59:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 59:03Speaker 05

  He's telling me that your bedroom is disorganized and generally a bit of a dump. Is this something that you recognize?

• 59:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 59:16Speaker 05

  Sometimes he feels you are a little bit snobby about popular culture, movies and music he likes that you think are a bit shit. Is this something you understand?

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:33Speaker 05

  But he wants you to know that he loves you, so thank you, bye-bye.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Shut up, Tommy.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Buxton.

• 59:47Adam Buxton?

  Thank you, Frank. That was, uh, that was worth coming from Norwich for, wasn't it, Frank?

• 59:56Adam Buxton?

  You didn't have anything on tonight, did you?

• 59:59Speaker 02

  Very good.

• 1:00:00Adam Buxton?

  Holy Moses. That was incredible, by the way, Joe.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was spooky, wasn't it?

• 1:00:03Adam Buxton?

  It was spooky, it was.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  How did she know all that stuff?

• 1:00:06Adam Buxton?

  How did she know?

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  And Adam's not even dead. That's the thing that makes no sense to me.

• 1:00:17Adam Buxton?

  Have you got another couple of jokes?

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Um, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:00:21Adam Buxton?

  I've got one for you here, look. This is quite class. This is from Mark Errington. He calls us big bucks and sweet corn. "I was glad to hear the leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled." See, that's a good tortured setup.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  The leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event.

• 1:00:41Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, that's classic made-up joke setup there. "I was glad to hear the leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled." All of it's important in that sentence.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  I'm holding space for it all. In my head.

• 1:00:56Adam Buxton?

  Yes, "he was glad to hear it." I guess you could call it Chardinfreud.

• 1:01:04Adam Buxton?

  "Leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled, and he was glad to hear it."

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  Somebody went "no" over there, as if they'd been hit in the face.

• 1:01:13Adam Buxton?

  Thank you, Mark. Mark Errington.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Okay, here's one from Kate. She says, "Dear Adam and Joe, I made up this joke about 12 years ago, but haven't been brave or punctual enough to send it to you until now. I've told it to a few people and would say it's mostly met with blank stares. I think that's more the fault of the other person because I find it so funny, I often can't make it through without cracking up." She's building this shit up, isn't she? Very good. "That might be partly down to doing the accent." Bold letters. It's very important that you read this in a thick Welsh accent.

• 1:01:53Adam Buxton?

  I think that's on the offensive list now, isn't it?

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  "My father grew up in Wales. My aunt and uncle are from Wales, Llanethli, so I'm allowed."

• 1:02:05Adam Buxton?

  It's a dangerous one because it drifts very easily into the Indian subcontinent.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Oh, now I really wanna get through this.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  I am not Welsh, and neither is the subject of the joke. But it will not work otherwise.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Enjoy, brackets, and sorry, here we go. Oh, Jesus. What do the 90s... I'm doing this in a sort of lady voice 'cause we had a teacher at school called Brunwyn Barr. And that's the last up-close interaction I have with a Welsh person. With a heavy accent. I'm so sorry. What do... Oh, fucking hell, what's that?

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  What do the... This is terrible. You read it.

• 1:02:55Adam Buxton?

  Come on, mate.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  You read it.

• 1:02:57Adam Buxton?

  I was enjoying that.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  Do a thick Welsh accent.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Listen.

• 1:03:02Adam Buxton?

  I wanted to hear you get cancelled.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  What do the 90s band who wrote "Unbelievable" wear to keep warm in the winter?

• 1:03:16Adam Buxton?

  EMFs. Eamuffs.

• 1:03:20Adam Buxton?

  Eamuffs. EMFs.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Talk about a mountain out of a molehill.

• 1:03:26Adam Buxton?

  That's like the one to do the perfect Norwich accent. If you want to say, now, what is it? If you want to say "oil of you lay" in the perfect Norwich accent, you say "I love you, Lee." "I love you, Lee." Oh, no. Oh, no, no, it's the other way around.

• 1:03:48Adam Buxton?

  If you wanna say "I love you, Lee" in the perfect Norwich accent, you say "oil of you lay."

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  Listen, it's exciting to be at our last ever show, isn't it? You were here.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Do you wanna hear another really convoluted one?

• 1:04:05Adam Buxton?

  Yes, please.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Hi, Dr Buckles.

• 1:04:07Adam Buxton?

  EMFs.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  Here is a joke I made up several years ago which combines Star Wars...

• 1:04:13Adam Buxton?

  Love it.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  Live aid...

• 1:04:15Adam Buxton?

  Yes, please.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  And contract law.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  I've been meaning to send it to you for years, but keep forgetting, here it is. I like that these people store them up for decades. Like some sort of illness. What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to one of the organisers of Live Aid, which was being held on Tatooine, when they asked him how to get out of their contractual obligations to pay the performers? And various contractors, when the event had to be cancelled due to an unexpected sandstorm?

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  Fucking hell, there's a lot of information to hold in your head.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  Ready for the punchline? Use the force majeure.

• 1:05:05Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah. The force majeure, majeure, majeure.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  That's from Ollie in Taiwan, and he's explained what force majeure is in very dry terms.

• 1:05:18Adam Buxton?

  Yes. Wow, that was good and tortured. Here's one last one from me. This is from Owen Gentleben from Brighton. Where do crazy fruits shop?

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:05:34Adam Buxton?

  Insane'sberries.

• 1:05:38Adam Buxton?

  Insane'sberries.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  Berries, I was gonna say.

• 1:05:40Adam Buxton?

  Insane'sberries. Insane'sberries.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  That's properly good.

• 1:05:50Adam Buxton?

  Jeez, Owen Gentleben.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  It's really good.

• 1:06:37Adam Buxton?

  Now we're going to go home quite soon.

• 1:06:41Adam Buxton?

  But before we do, it's time for one more slice of delicious festive nostalgia pie. Young. And this one is a song... This is an old song. And it was written by our friend Zach Sandler. And we contributed lyrics. And dusted it off when we did the Adam and Joe Show. Series two. And it's about Robert De Niro.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Adam Buxton?

  We thought we would sing it for you tonight. And we're resisting the temptation of updating the lyrics. Because you could have done some stuff about De Niro and Trump, right?

• 1:07:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's very angry about Trump, isn't he?

• 1:07:16Adam Buxton?

  He really hates Trump, though. There's some good videos of him just shouting at people in New York just before the election. And then guys with MAGA hats going over going, "You suck! You washed up, De Niro! That last movie was way too long! Some of the plots in your movies, they're convoluted! You're repeating yourself, it's sad! The gangster motif is tired!"

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  Good points. Well made.

• 1:07:48Adam Buxton?

  Okay, let's give this a go. Here we go.

• 1:08:11Adam Buxton?

  He's a super actor and a very lovely guy With a cheeky smile and a mole under one eye His name is Bobby Ooh, Bobby De Niro Ah, he's a lovely pears one Ooh, and a very good actor Ah, he was in Godfather 2 but not Godfather 3 Are you, are you, are you looking at me? He could teach Kevin Bacon a thing or two Looking, looking, looking at me, are you? His name is Bobby Ooh, Bobby De Niro Ah, he's a lovely pears one Ooh, and a very good actor

• 1:08:55Adam Buxton?

  Ah, he played Jake LaMotta in the film of Raging Bull He ate, he ate, he ate, he ate till he was full He did some comedy in a film with Johnny Ben He will never, never, never try that again His name was Bobby Ooh, Bobby De Niro Ah, he's a lovely pears one Ooh, and a very good actor But when he is not acting It is said he is boring But I do not believe this It is you that is boring

• 1:09:36Adam Buxton?

  In Midnight Run he showed to us a lighter acting style Proving he could swear a lot but also make you smile This world is full of bad men But Bobby still repeats One day a rain will come to wash this come off all the streets His name is Bobby Ooh, Bobby De Niro Ah, he's a lovely pears one Ooh, and a very good actor Ah, his name is Bobby Ooh, Bobby De Niro Ah, he's a lovely pears one

• 1:10:18Adam Buxton?

  Thank you very much.

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:10:20Adam Buxton?

  Thanks for coming along tonight. Very nice to see you all. Thanks for listening to the podcast. They're leaving, but most of you guys made it right the way through. Thank you very much. And thanks, most of all, to Joe Cornish.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you, Adam.

• 1:10:39Adam Buxton?

  For being my friend.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Merry Christmas.

• 1:10:41Adam Buxton?

  And coming back.

• 1:10:42Speaker 02

  See you next year.

• 1:10:50Adam Buxton?

  This is an ad for Squarespace. Okay, we'll return to the AI apocalypse in just a wee, wee moment, but first I wanted to talk about Squarespace. Do you know about Squarespace, Steve? Uh, yes, Monty. I think I might even be a little bit more tuned into modern tech, websites, et cetera, than you. I don't know, just guessing. Oh, Steve, I love this dynamic. I'm old and conservative, and you're young and progressive, and that's what makes the Newswind podcast such great listening. But yes, you're right, I must admit, I didn't know much about Squarespace. But because my new grumble book, Hell in a Handcart, is out this month. And I look forward to getting enraged by that. So I should hope. Em, um, um. Anyway, the publishers, Bluestar and Dogwhistle, made a beautiful website for the book using Squarespace. I know, I got the newsletter that you sent out using Squarespace, and the website does look great.

• 1:11:33Adam Buxton?

  Videos of you airing your views, members' areas for your mad fans. You've even got a merch store, I see. That's right, a Union Jack top hat is a big seller, but they constructed it all so fast with Squarespace. They did most of it over one lunchtime, Steve. Well, you wouldn't want to spend much longer on it, would you? Shut up, Steve. But here's the thing, anyone listening to this can start a free trial right now at Squarespace.com/boxton and see how easy and versatile Squarespace is. And when they're ready to launch a new website or domain, they can save 10% off their first purchase by using the offer code BOXTON at checkout. Right, well, maybe I'll visit Squarespace.com/boxton and start a new website just to refute all the nonsense in your new book. Oh, don't do that, Steve. I will. Oh, shut up, Steve. Uh, shut up. Now, back to more depressing matters. On Newswent.

• 1:12:17Adam Buxton?

  Continue. My name is Ivy. I'm eight years old and I made up a joke last year that my mum and dad forgot to send you. This is it. Knock, knock.

• 1:12:27Speaker 02

  Who's there?

• 1:12:28Adam Buxton?

  Kung-Fu.

• 1:12:30Speaker 02

  Kung-Fu?

• 1:12:32Adam Buxton?

  Hiya!

• 1:12:34Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 1:12:35Adam Buxton?

  Hiya! I love it Ivy. That's a brilliant joke. Thank you so much for sending it in. Very good.

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  This is from John and Zady. Hi Adam and Joe, very excited to hear your Christmas podcast this year. Hoping you can include this achingly adorable egg corn by my three-year-old daughter Zady. Went out trick-or-treating for Halloween this year. Zady would stride up to the door and proudly say, "Tickle feet!"

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Thinking about it, this could have been a clue for her particular brand of trick-or-treat, but at the time, it just sounded very cute and brought lots of laughs and bonus sweets to her trick-or-treating posse, John and Zady. "Tickle feet!"

• 1:13:14Adam Buxton?

  Oh, that's nice. That's sweet. I mean, you shouldn't tickle kids.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  All right then, darling. It's not, it's not the response you would be looking for.

• 1:13:34Adam Buxton?

  Hey, welcome back, podcats. Thanks to Ivy and Zady there for that great made-up joke and egg corn. And thank you very much indeed to everybody who submitted bits and pieces for this year's podcast. I'm really sorry that we only get to read out such a small proportion of those, but they were all great. We read them all and it was really fun to do so. So, thanks so much. Adendum. Hello, it's Christmas Day and I've got my Christmas voice on. I went to bed quite late last night. Was watching a documentary about Bjork with my son who'd never heard of Bjork. That was Christmasy. It was magical. Imagine discovering Bjork for the first time. It was the South Bank Show episode. It's on YouTube.

• 1:14:15Speaker 01

  I'll put a link in the description along with a link to an uplifting film recommendation, which I forgot to include yesterday when I was editing the podcast. And this one is from Jonny Sweet, actor, comedian, writer. He's going to be a guest on the podcast next year. And this year I read a book that he wrote called The Kellerby Code, which is a novel, a darkly comedic thriller that follows Edward Jevons, a lower middle class man who becomes entangled with an aristocratic Oxford circle, leading to a series of manipulations and murders as he attempts to transcend class barriers and fit in with his affluent friends. Anyway, it's very good, beautifully written, funny, exciting. I recommend it.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  Good audio book read by Jack Davenport. Anyway, that's his book. He didn't ask me to do this, by the way, but I did ask him for an uplifting movie pick a week or two ago, and he was kind enough to send me this voice message.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Hello, Adam, Jonny Sweet here. My reliably comforting film is Cliffhanger. Weirdly, it's not a great film. You could even argue it's not even a good film, but I like it. It's about Sylvester Stallone, who's going to save his best friend Hal, who's been kidnapped by John Lithgow, whose bank robbery went wrong somehow at the top of the mountain. Should know the details. Sorry about that. It's very silly. It's almost so silly, it's relaxing. I think that's why I like it. It's completely unembarrassed of itself, unencumbered by, you know, taste and quality. Sylvester Stallone did a part of the script, as he always wants to do.

• 1:15:56Speaker 03

  And so you do get some real old school zingers. This is Hal, his friend, talking to one of the henchmen. He goes, Delmar, from me to you, you're an asshole. Delmar, yeah? And you're a loud mouthed punk slag who's about to die. So it does what it says on the tin. Um, you might not have time for this, so feel free to cut this out. But I also really like the idea of the director's cut. There was a director's cut that Sylvester Stallone said went down very badly to begin with, with audiences, because they thought some of these stunt scenes were just stretching credulity. And he explained that, you know, most people can leap a ravine of about 12 feet, but

• 1:16:39Adam Buxton?

  The problem with the directors, Garty said, quote, "The stunts had me leaping maybe 300 feet or more." That's like a different genre of film altogether. So I hope you give it a watch and I hope you like it. I will be watching it in the middle of Christmas. Bye.

• 1:16:55Speaker 01

  Thanks very much, Jonny Sweet. As I said, he's going to be a guest on the podcast next year. I love Jonny Sweet. He's great and I'm looking forward to waffling with him and I'm very grateful to him for that recommendation. Cliffhanger, yes, I had seen it, went back and watched it with the whole family the other night. Double thumbs up. We had a great time. I think Johnny described it very well. 1993 action thriller directed by Renny Harlin. It is very stupid and it's sort of Christmasy because it's all snowy. Some good climbing stuff there as well. Apparently there's a reboot in production, according to the internet, with Lily James and Pierce Brosnan leading the cast. Thanks very much, Johnny, for that

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  recommendation. Right now, I'm going to return you to the outro I recorded yesterday, and this is a great bit. This is where I said, "Thanks also to everybody who helped put those Royal Festival Hall shows together." And it's a dry line, but I think I did something pretty special with it. See what you think.

• 1:17:53Adam Buxton?

  Thanks also to everyone who helped put those Royal Festival Hall shows together. It was really good fun to do them. We had a great time there. A few specific thank you's to Becca Bryers for her sound mixing. Thanks, Becca. Thanks so much once again to Kid Klava, who I mentioned, my musical collaborator on my song for Joe. Good fun working with him and we've done some other bits and pieces this year as well, actually, that might see the light of day next year. I'll let you know when they happen. But there's a link to Kid Klava's Instagram page where you can explore some of the stuff he does. He is a super talented singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and sort of computer whiz. Thanks also-

• 1:18:34Adam Buxton?

  So to Joe's musical collaborator Christoph Bauschinger. Thanks to Frank for getting a night off work, coming all the way to the Royal Festival Hall just to sit on stage and say yes four times. Thanks very much to our live podcast crew that night, Richard, Mike, Anna Lisa. Thanks to Aaron and Feday and all the team at the Royal Festival Hall, all the tech people who were so friendly and efficient. Thanks once again to Jay Korn for all his hard work and coming out and suddenly doing a big live show while he's hard at work writing. Cheers, Joe.

• 1:19:11Adam Buxton?

  Thanks so much to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for all his invaluable production support and very hard work this year. But as well as them, I'm also grateful to you for coming back and listening and being open minded with the podcast and

• 1:19:26Adam Buxton?

  making me feel that I can plough my own furrow and you'll be there. Thanks so much. Come here. Let's have a Christmas hug. Hey.

• 1:19:36Adam Buxton?

  Good to see you. You're looking so festive. Hopefully I'll get to see some of you next year, which might be quite busy for me. I have this book coming out, which I think is going to be called I Love You Bye. There's a link in the description for pre-orders. It's got stuff about me and Joe making the transition from being childhood friends to working together on TV in the 90s and then on the radio and in podcasting. Stuff about my mum in there, family stuff, marriage stuff, music stuff, sounds great buckles. What kind of tone are we looking at? I'd say mainly funny, but it gets poignant. So if you're a point fan,

• 1:20:19Adam Buxton?

  it's Christmas. Actually, it's Christmas even if you're not. And I'll probably do a few live shows to support it around the summer, but I'll let you know how that goes. I may even be doing some live music shows next year because my album is finally coming out. I think probably towards the autumn. But you can rest assured I'll be banging. On about that before it finally emerges. As far as the podcast goes, I'll be back in the new year, not sure exactly when.

• 1:20:53Adam Buxton?

  February, March.

• 1:20:57Adam Buxton?

  Hopefully you'll see when a new episode plops through, if you're subscribed, that is. If only there was some kind of song that could encourage people to both respond favourably to this podcast and subscribe to it. Anyway, look, I hope the rest of your festive break is as stress-free as it can possibly be, and I wish you and us all the best for whatever 2025 throws at us. Go carefully, and for what it's worth, me and Rosie, do you mind me speaking for you, Rosie?

• 1:21:32Speaker 01

  No, go on, it's Christmas.

• 1:21:34Adam Buxton?

  Thank you very much. We love you.