553 Redefining Masculinity with Andy Frisella and Lewis Howes

"It takes way less energy to be positive than it does to be negative." If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at http://lewishowes.com/553 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 553, Redefining Masculinity with myself and Andy Frisella.

• 0:08Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:34Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, guys. Very excited about this. We are one week away from the book launch. That's right. The Mask of Masculinity is out in one week. If you haven't got your copy yet, make sure to go get it at maskofmasculinity.com, or you can get it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and all the good places online, my friends. Go preorder, copy your book. It's going to be a game changer. And today, we've got a very special episode. I recently went on my good friend Andy Frisella's podcast, The MFCEO, and we went deep, talking about both of our experiences as a man, and what it means to be a man today versus what we were taught growing up.

• 1:15Lewis Howes?

  Now, Andy is one of the most manly-looking dudes you'll ever meet. Got the beard, got scars on his face from a knife fight he was in. He's, you know, just a massive, strong guy. He talks like the typical guy you might think of. And, um, but one of the sweetest, kindest human beings I've ever met. So even though he may look like your typical, let's say, jock, workout, alpha man, he doesn't define himself as that, and he doesn't come off that way when you're in person with him, when you're connecting with him, when you really connect to his heart. He lives a life of service. And we wanted to talk about how you can still be a man today. Still live the way you want to live, still act the way you want to act,

• 2:00Lewis Howes?

  but also be more than just a selfish person, or a person that's just out to get what he or she wants. And really about building some- Something bigger, something more meaningful with your life and what it means to be a man and redefining masculinity in today in our society right now. His audience was going crazy for this episode and I got so many messages that I felt like I wanted you guys to hear this as well. So we are republishing part of the episode. We've cut it down where we're publishing part of the episode and we've got the full transcript over at LewisHowes.com/553 as well. So you can go read or download the PDF transcript over there if you guys are interested in that.

• 2:42Lewis Howes?

  And if you would like me to do more transcripts, just send me a message over at [email protected]. And what we covered in today's episode was what win-win actually means and why it's so important. Also, the difference between focusing on purpose versus focusing on winning. Big concept I had to learn a few years back. Also, what makes a true alpha male. We both talk about what it means to be a true alpha male, why being authentic and showing your humanity creates trust, and also how vulnerability makes you more competitive. So a lot of things that are contradictory to what some of us guys thought about growing

• 3:22Lewis Howes?

  up and we talk about kind of the pros and cons of all the different types of masculine stereotypes out there and how you can rise above them to really create change in the world. Super pumped about this. Before I dive in, want to give a shout out to our fan and review of the week. This is from SunflowerLove who said, "These podcasts have brought so much joy to my life. I'm generally doing something while I listen, mainly yard work, and I find that I'm going back to listen again and pay closer attention because I'm so touched by the lessons and stories. Lewis has a true talent in the art of the interview and he digs deep and invites his subjects to talk deep and share with the listener skills and encouragements.

• 4:06Lewis Howes?

  At the close of the interview, I feel as I've been given a gift." Thanks, Lewis. I'm a huge fan. So, SunflowerLove, thank you and I hope you enjoyed the shout out for being the fan and the review of the week. If you guys want a chance to be shouted out on the podcast, all you gotta do is go to your podcast app or iTunes and leave a review over there and you'll be in the running for a shout out for next week.

• 4:31Andy Frisella?

  All right, guys, I'm excited about this one. Again, if you enjoy this one, make sure to share with your friends. Tag me on Instagram and Twitter at Lewis Howes. Give some shout out love to Annie Frisella as well. And go check out his podcast when you're done with this one. All right, guys, without further ado, let's dive into this one, redefining masculinity with myself and Annie Frisella.

• 4:51Lewis Howes?

  The reason I wanted to do this was because, you know, the publisher for my last book was like, okay, let's do like a business or marketing book. And I was just like, you know what?

• 4:59Andy Frisella?

  One of the 50 million.

• 5:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I was just like, you know what? I'm just not feeling it. And what I'm feeling is the thing that I talked about once on my podcast and started to open up a little bit about that is actually making the biggest impact to my audience.

• 5:12Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 5:12Lewis Howes?

  Is this topic and, you know, I didn't know that these crazy racial marches and gender wars and political dysfunction and challenges that are happening in the country. And now with the Vegas shooting, it's like, I wasn't aware two years ago when I started writing this book, that all this was going to be happening. And I feel like so much of the tension.

• 5:40Andy Frisella?

  Anger.

• 5:40Lewis Howes?

  And anger and stress, it's coming from men. It's starting from men who don't feel safe within themselves, who feel insecure, who are afraid. And they lead with, I need to win. I need to be right. I need to kill.

• 5:55Andy Frisella?

  You took, you took the words out of my mouth. Like, I was just gonna say, I was literally, I swear, this is what I was gonna say. People are too worried about winning because they want to look a good way as opposed to solving a problem.

• 6:09Lewis Howes?

  That's it, man.

• 6:10Andy Frisella?

  And so they, they vent that they, they use the win as the expression of they're smarter, they're better, they're stronger.

• 6:18Lewis Howes?

  The right.

• 6:18Andy Frisella?

  Exactly, dude.

• 6:19Lewis Howes?

  And it's killing.

• 6:21Andy Frisella?

  It's killing society.

• 6:22Lewis Howes?

  It's killing, you know, with politics, when there's not a place of how can we all win together? How can we find a solution? Like you said.

• 6:29Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 6:29Lewis Howes?

  With, uh, in marriages are going apart more than ever right now. I'm sure you're seeing this in the, in religion. It's like more tension ever within marriages break, falling apart. Uh, it's more tension ever between like gender wars. Uh, there's more tension with our environment.

• 6:46Andy Frisella?

  Dude, I have this, I, I purposely avoid political discussions on social because.

• 6:51Lewis Howes?

  I don't, yeah.

• 6:52Andy Frisella?

  The reason is, is because literally.

• 6:56Andy Frisella?

  Finding someone who is willing to have a discussion about a solution is literally almost impossible.

• 7:02Lewis Howes?

  Without them needing to be right.

• 7:03Andy Frisella?

  We want, that's exactly right. It's, it's this polarizing argument about race or politics or whatever. When in reality, we all want the same thing.

• 7:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 7:13Andy Frisella?

  We all want the same thing. You can't, you can't win the argument. You can't, that's not an argument. You can't win a discussion. A discussion is about us coming to a solution.

• 7:23Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 7:23Andy Frisella?

  You know, and it's, it's, I get so far, I just had a DM with a really good friend of mine who's a black guy. And we were going back and forth about a certain video about a cop. And we were talking about, you know, I, I, he posted it and, you know, he used the hashtag black lives matter. And it was very like, it was, he was saying, you know, if this has been a white, if this had been a black dude, they would have shot him. And I wrote him back. I said, bro, I said, you're, you're a major influence in, in the world. I said, and this guy's, if I say his name, you guys know who he was. I said, you're a major influencer. You realize that putting that message out is dividing people, not putting people together. I want the same thing you want. Why do people want the same shit you want?

• 8:08Andy Frisella?

  You know, you have to quit eating what people are feeding you and start thinking on your own about what you're putting out. And what, the reason he did that is because he's angry on the inside about the situation, you know? And we don't have to win these arguments with, with each other. We have to figure out how to come together and solve the problem. And dude, what you're saying is so true when it comes to, I mean, dude, we, we're going to get into all kinds of business aspects here in a minute. But when it comes to online communication, there's very few discussions. It's a lot of arguing and it's, the, the reason is, is because people feel like they have to assert their, their intelligence through comments.

• 8:50Andy Frisella?

  You know, and the truth of it is, is most of us want the same shit.

• 8:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:55Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? We want to be united. We want to think the same things. And just because you poke a hole in something I said that I took out of context, it doesn't make you look smart.

• 9:05Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:06Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? Like so many people like to do that because that's the only way they get any.

• 9:10Lewis Howes?

  And my whole life was built around that where I needed to prove everyone wrong.

• 9:15Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 9:16Lewis Howes?

  And I used to be so, I used to love these.

• 9:18Andy Frisella?

  Dude, I, I still have that big, I still have that in me.

• 9:21Lewis Howes?

  No, I get it, right?

• 9:22Andy Frisella?

  I got a big chip.

• 9:23Lewis Howes?

  I, it's still there too, but it was like, I used to love on Instagram would be like, prove them wrong. That was like my greatest like.

• 9:28Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 9:28Lewis Howes?

  I used to love seeing that and posting that. And then I, I realized my whole life has been to prove everyone else wrong.

• 9:35Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 9:35Lewis Howes?

  The fricking eight-year-old boys that picked me last, the, the man that sexually abused me.

• 9:41Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 9:41Lewis Howes?

  Whatever, just like teachers, coaches, just like, I always had this mentality, I'm gonna prove them wrong. And I did.

• 9:48Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 9:49Lewis Howes?

  I became.

• 9:50Andy Frisella?

  But then what?

• 9:51Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 9:52Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so.

• 9:52Lewis Howes?

  Such unfulfillment inside.

• 9:54Andy Frisella?

  Well, I think it depends.

• 9:55Lewis Howes?

  And then I had to go after something else to like continue proving wrong.

• 9:58Andy Frisella?

  I think that, and I say this a lot, I think negativity is very underrated.

• 10:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:03Andy Frisella?

  In terms of how much it could propel you in life.

• 10:07Lewis Howes?

  The most powerful, yes.

• 10:08Andy Frisella?

  But I feel like that when, when you go from, and, and dude, I talk about this a lot. You have to evolve from that and you have to go through the process and eventually, and this is how it was for me, and you tell me if you agree or disagree. Eventually you go from being motivated, because I was, I still am motivated by that shit. I'm not gonna even deny it.

• 10:29Lewis Howes?

  I get it.

• 10:29Andy Frisella?

  And, but I'm more motivated and by purpose.

• 10:34Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:34Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so I've trained, I've gone from trying to prove, my only motivation in life, being to prove everybody wrong.

• 10:41Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 10:42Andy Frisella?

  To where now I'm like so far past all the people that I was like trying to prove wrong.

• 10:47Lewis Howes?

  Now you're lifting others up.

• 10:49Andy Frisella?

  That's right. And so now I found a purpose and, and a lot of people, if you never make that transit, so if you tell a guy who's 20 years old that, that uh, it's wrong to be motivated by negativity, they're gonna think there's something wrong with that because I think a lot of people are. But if you also tell them, hey, be motivated by purpose, I think that's a natural evolution people have to go through.

• 11:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:09Andy Frisella?

  What do you think?

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  I think it is. I mean, I think you have to be fully self-aware and be able to realize it because I probably heard that a million times, but it never landed with me.

• 11:17Andy Frisella?

  Dude, I never knew what it meant. I'm like, what does that even mean?

• 11:19Lewis Howes?

  I heard win, win, I never knew what win, one was until four years ago.

• 11:23Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 11:23Lewis Howes?

  I didn't know that I could win and everyone else could win around me.

• 11:25Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 11:26Lewis Howes?

  I was like, no, there's only one winner.

• 11:27Andy Frisella?

  But that's also your sports background too.

• 11:29Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 11:29Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 11:30Lewis Howes?

  But I was like, I was like, there's always one winner.

• 11:33Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 11:33Lewis Howes?

  Either win or lose.

• 11:34Andy Frisella?

  And what you learn, and dude, you and I, we've talked about this before. When you get in business and success, when you, everybody can win.

• 11:41Lewis Howes?

  Everyone, there's so much abundance.

• 11:43Andy Frisella?

  How many other dudes do you know that own supplement companies that are killing it?

• 11:46Lewis Howes?

  A million supplement companies. I know like 30 of them.

• 11:48Andy Frisella?

  And dude, I'm friends with all the dudes.

• 11:49Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 11:50Andy Frisella?

  We're all friends.

• 11:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Andy Frisella?

  We're like, hey, bro, how's this working for you? Oh, it's working like this for me. You know, like, when you get into that next level of thinking and you go from, from wanting to kill everybody, which dude is extremely powerful motivation, and I'm not knocking it because that's my DNA. To, cause like dude, when it comes down to it and we get into competition, I'm gonna win.

• 12:10Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 12:10Andy Frisella?

  Like, or die. Like, it's just the way I am. But I, I have become so focused on purpose that now

• 12:21Andy Frisella?

  it makes sense, like what I'm doing makes sense. When I was, when I was trying to prove everybody wrong and that was exclusively my motivation.

• 12:28Lewis Howes?

  That was your purpose.

• 12:29Andy Frisella?

  It, it, it didn't make sense. And like you said, you're unfulfilled and you're angry. But once you start to find a purpose and you start to see the good you're doing and you start to see the results you're producing for other people, now you get into a situation where you're fulfilled because it's not just about you.

• 12:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Andy Frisella?

  It's about everybody around you.

• 12:45Lewis Howes?

  And when you achieve by proving everyone else wrong, you still say, oh, but it doesn't feel good. It's not enough. I need more.

• 12:53Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 12:53Lewis Howes?

  I need to build a bigger empire to continue to prove people wrong.

• 12:56Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 12:56Lewis Howes?

  And it's never gonna feel fulfilling like we're talking about. But when you have the purpose on it and a mission to lift others up, you can finally celebrate.

• 13:04Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 13:05Lewis Howes?

  Your victories. And celebrate the good that you're doing and be like, look at this person's life that's changed because of what we created in our company.

• 13:11Andy Frisella?

  And dude, I don't know how much you believe, and I don't think we've ever talked about this. And, uh, but I don't know how much you believe in like the law of attraction. I imagine you probably.

• 13:19Lewis Howes?

  I believe in abundance, you know, I believe in abundance.

• 13:21Andy Frisella?

  So that's what I was getting at. So I, I do believe in abundance. And I do believe that like, just because I'm successful, it doesn't mean that the dudes that on it or the dudes at, uh, Vysalis or the dudes at other companies.

• 13:32Lewis Howes?

  BioTrust and all these other guys.

• 13:33Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, can't kill it too.

• 13:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Andy Frisella?

  And I'm happy for them. And you know why? Because I see them doing it and I'm like, I could do it too. And they see me doing it and they think the same. So like, it's all a synergistic energy that people put out and it creates positivity.

• 13:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:47Andy Frisella?

  And, and, and results. If that makes sense.

• 13:49Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 13:49Andy Frisella?

  Like, uh, Gary just said in one of his posts that he doesn't believe in law of attraction. He thinks it's bullshit. I disagree. I think it's amazing. I could tell you a million stories. I could tell you a million stories. I have too much proof to not believe it.

• 14:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Andy Frisella?

  And, uh, and they shit that I can't explain. And that could be a whole nother episode, but.

• 14:08Lewis Howes?

  And if you're attracting, proving people wrong.

• 14:10Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna attract that negative energy in your life.

• 14:13Andy Frisella?

  Anxiety.

• 14:13Lewis Howes?

  Stress.

• 14:14Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 14:14Lewis Howes?

  Not good enough, needing more.

• 14:16Andy Frisella?

  And I think, I think that, you know, if I'm being, if I'm being honest, I'm, I'm a little of both.

• 14:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:22Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? Like, I, I understand how to play both. I'm far less prove people wrong than I used to be. Because now I'm confident with who I am and I don't really feel like I, I'm like, all right, well, I'm, you know, I'm doing this, this, this. I can name out the highlight reels, whatever.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:38Andy Frisella?

  But I don't, I feel like I've proved it.

• 14:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:42Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? So there's not.

• 14:43Lewis Howes?

  Who else you need to prove wrong?

• 14:45Andy Frisella?

  Now it's more about, now it's about the mission. It's about the purpose.

• 14:49Lewis Howes?

  And I think the more you lean that way, you're gonna see.

• 14:51Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:51Lewis Howes?

  You guys just launch into a whole new direction.

• 14:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, dude, you could see it.

• 14:55Lewis Howes?

  And you're gonna see the energy shift. You're.

• 14:57Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 14:57Lewis Howes?

  People are gonna feel better. They're gonna feel like the purpose as well.

• 15:01Andy Frisella?

  Right, right, right.

• 15:02Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to like Andy's like tension of like needing to prove someone wrong.

• 15:06Andy Frisella?

  Right, right, right, right. I mean, I still, you know, I mean, I don't know that as athletes and guys.

• 15:11Lewis Howes?

  Still be competitive.

• 15:12Andy Frisella?

  Right. So that's, so that's something I want to address about this. So this is a really good tie into what the book is about is, you know, some people will read the mask of masculinity and they're going to assume, especially manly dudes, they're gonna assume the book is like how to be a pussy, right? You know what I'm saying? Cause like, that's how they, that's how they see it. And that's the whole point. The point is, is that there is a balance of being a male or an alpha male. Like dude, first of all, I think people who try to be alpha male, you're not alpha.

• 15:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:45Andy Frisella?

  Dude, the way you become alpha male is by helping other motherfuckers.

• 15:48Lewis Howes?

  That's it, man.

• 15:49Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 15:49Lewis Howes?

  It took the words out of my mouth.

• 15:51Andy Frisella?

  Like you said, uh, you said about, um, You said about people trusting you when you show the vulnerability. I was just having this discussion with my wife this morning. Uh, we were in a bathroom and I was getting ready. She's like, what do you got going? And I don't really tell her all, like when I'm home, I'm home. You know what I'm saying? I go, Lewis in town. We're going to talk about his book, you know, this and that. And, uh, and she's like, oh, that's going to be good. I'm like, yeah. I said, you know, the thing is that, and we got in this like five minute discussion. I'm like, you know, so many people now, it's popular now to have these, these dudes out there like teaching other people how to be men. Right. Right? You know what I'm saying? Like you gotta go chop wood and build a campfire and be fucking have a man to be a man. And like, Wear a beard.

• 16:32Andy Frisella?

  Right. Exactly. Now, hey, I'm all about the beards, but like it has nothing to do with who I am as a man, you know? And, um, I started explaining, I said, you know, one of the reasons, because we, I'm very fortunate and you are too, to have an extremely loyal fan base. Yes. Like our fan base at the MFCEO project and my personal, me, my personal brand is so loyal and so dedicated. And I told her, I said, you know, it has to do with the fact, like we, and I'm not going to name his name. We talked about another guy we both know who likes to be a celebrity. Okay. And, uh, that, that particular person likes to pretend like he's on another level than everybody else. You know what I mean? Yeah.

• 17:14Andy Frisella?

  And, and the reason that people are, are loyal to us and our personal brands and in business. Approachable, on the same level. Dude, we're human. Yeah. We show people that we're human. We show people that, hey, look, dude, I'm not any different than you. I have my struggles. I have my setbacks. I have my little victories too. I have my bad days. I don't want to do anything. I have my good days where I'm on all cylinders and people look at that and they're, you know, and it's so much more believable because it's true. Relatable too. Because it's true. Cause well, people don't believe anything that's too polished. No. Especially nowadays with social media. So that's what we're going to get into, like the branding aspect, like all you people out

• 17:57Andy Frisella?

  there. And this goes for women too, that try to pretend like you're perfect and you're above and you're this and you're that, because there are a few people. People out there who have managed to build a good following, who do that shit. You, that's the old way. The new way to build a true tribe and a true following is to let people know who exactly you are.

• 18:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:16Andy Frisella?

  Let people know the shit that you've gone through. Let people know the struggles you have. And you know why that creates trust? Because they know it's the truth.

• 18:25Lewis Howes?

  The most engaged photo I have on my Instagram, except for like a couple that went viral for whatever reason, is me opening up about being sexually abused.

• 18:34Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:34Lewis Howes?

  Like the fear I had around, you know, sharing it, things like that. I just posted it, you know, like a few weeks ago.

• 18:39Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I see it.

• 18:40Lewis Howes?

  And it got like a thousand comments and someone else made the graphic for me for, Goalcast made it for a video.

• 18:46Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:46Lewis Howes?

  And I didn't even make it, but I was like, oh, maybe I'll share this.

• 18:48Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:49Lewis Howes?

  And people were like, and I've shared this again years ago on my podcast, but I have a whole new audience that doesn't know this about me.

• 18:55Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  And it's not like I'm talking about it every day.

• 18:57Andy Frisella?

  Dude.

• 18:58Lewis Howes?

  You know what I mean?

• 18:59Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. I, do you, just on a different subject, do you repeat, do you repost content, repurpose it consistently?

• 19:05Lewis Howes?

  From like three, six months ago?

• 19:07Andy Frisella?

  That's what I do.

• 19:07Lewis Howes?

  No one's looking at stuff from, yeah.

• 19:09Andy Frisella?

  I get people who are like, dude, we've seen this four times. I'm like, bro, I got a hundred extra thousand people here who haven't.

• 19:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so, and for me, I'm like, huh, always having the polished stuff. Sure, it's nice to show like the higher, highlight reel, but again, there's so many of those big Instagram followers or brands that just have highlight reel after highlight reel. And they're losing engagement and following.

• 19:28Andy Frisella?

  Dude, cuz it's bullshit and everybody knows it.

• 19:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. Your life isn't that great.

• 19:32Andy Frisella?

  You know, you know, exactly. You, you know that, um.

• 19:36Lewis Howes?

  Or you make me feel bad all the time.

• 19:38Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 19:38Lewis Howes?

  By.

• 19:39Andy Frisella?

  Like there's something wrong with me.

• 19:40Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 19:41Andy Frisella?

  Dude, I just talked about this a few podcasts ago, uh, about some of the other entrepreneurs out there, where they act like they're on fucking level 20 every day, all day, and they're fucking not. I know they're not because they can text me.

• 19:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  It's like the people who ask Emily if, if she gets daily motivational talks from you.

• 19:57Andy Frisella?

  Dude, dude, people will ask my wife, they're like, they're like, oh, what's it like living with him? I bet you're always motivated. It's like, look dude, here's the reality.

• 20:04Lewis Howes?

  He's stressed out, yeah.

• 20:05Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, when I go home, she's the one picking me up.

• 20:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:08Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And that's what people don't understand and.

• 20:12Lewis Howes?

  And then there's even the worst is the $30,000 millionaires, which are guys or girls that don't have any money, well, they don't have any money who are wearing $50,000 watches, you know, driving the cars and they can't afford it.

• 20:22Andy Frisella?

  Bro, I got, I got targeted, I got targeted with a fucking watch ad. I don't know, two or three days ago, there was all fake and like APs, Rolex's, few blows, like all fake shit. And I'm, and then dude, I could talk about that for five fucking hours.

• 20:41Andy Frisella?

  It's, you know, these kids who were like, join my mastermind, my life mastermind, you're 19. I'm like, bro, you're 19.

• 20:48Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:48Andy Frisella?

  You don't know your fucking ass from your elbow.

• 20:50Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:50Andy Frisella?

  Like, you think you do. That's what being 19 is about.

• 20:56Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:56Andy Frisella?

  We, I thought that too, man. I'm not knocking your hustle. I appreciate it, but how about this? Go out and build something and then share that story.

• 21:03Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 21:03Andy Frisella?

  Dude, I get so frustrated with that.

• 21:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:05Andy Frisella?

  The internet's so predatory, especially in the entrepreneur space.

• 21:08Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 21:09Andy Frisella?

  Because you have so many people that are talking about shit that they're just watching Gary or they're watching Grant, they're watching us, and they're just regurgitating that shit in some program.

• 21:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:18Andy Frisella?

  It's like, bro, you haven't lived it. And living it and talking about it is two different things.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:23Andy Frisella?

  And everybody knows it.

• 21:24Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  You know? I was gonna say real quick, uh, you know, for the people who don't share things, the girls on Instagram, the ones who travel.

• 21:31Andy Frisella?

  Oh, no.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Like dude, imagine what they're not showing.

• 21:33Andy Frisella?

  Like the 70 year old dude.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Dude, yeah.

• 21:36Andy Frisella?

  Brought him on the trip. So like, so like dude, so I was gonna say that. Um, so you know, and at First Form, we have a number of athletes and influencers that promote the brand all over Instagram.

• 21:47Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:48Andy Frisella?

  My biggest challenge, my biggest, and these are people that have anywhere from a hundred thousand to up to 11 million, 12 million followers.

• 21:56Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:58Andy Frisella?

  My biggest challenge with those people has been to have this discussion with them.

• 22:01Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 22:02Andy Frisella?

  Like.

• 22:02Lewis Howes?

  Cause they're always looking perfect, don't they?

• 22:04Andy Frisella?

  And, but if you read their captions when they post about First Form, they're talking about the real shit. And so like, my biggest victory this year has been to like,

• 22:13Lewis Howes?

  That's funny.

• 22:13Andy Frisella?

  Just get these people to step out, cause they were so unwilling to do that.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Make them look human, like you were saying earlier.

• 22:19Lewis Howes?

  And everything's photoshopped, touched up.

• 22:21Andy Frisella?

  Every single one of them that has listened and done it has come back to me and been like, dude, this is awesome. I love this. I love being a part of this brand.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  Cause they're getting real interaction now too.

• 22:29Andy Frisella?

  They, you guys allow me to tell the truth. Nobody else wants to see the truth. Everybody wants to see the highlight reel. And like dude, they're all so appreciative of being a part of it because dude,

• 22:39Andy Frisella?

  They've been told, they've been taught, and if you've paid attention to Instagram for the last three years, that's what we've been taught. We've been taught perfection. We've been taught the highlight, really. You follow the high-end entrepreneurs, they're always showing their toys and this and that. And very few of them tell their story.

• 22:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:58Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And the story of the struggle is where the value is, man.

• 23:01Lewis Howes?

  It is.

• 23:02Andy Frisella?

  That's where the connection comes from. You know, if you're an aspiring influencer, you listen to this, which I know a lot of them do, whatever space you're in, dude, it is good business to be vulnerable.

• 23:13Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. And I know Vaughn has been wanting to ask this question about, you know, how often do you talk about your struggles or your vulnerabilities? Because you could go the other spectrum, right Vaughn?

• 23:24Andy Frisella?

  Right. You don't want to turn into a whiny-

• 23:26Lewis Howes?

  Every day, like, oh, my life, you don't want to be a victim.

• 23:28Andy Frisella?

  Dude, so that was something I wanted to bring up too.

• 23:30Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Can I insert real quick?

• 23:32Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  You guys are hitting everything that, you know, that I was thinking of.

• 23:36Andy Frisella?

  So you just feel the need to speak?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Right. I do. No, actually, for the sake of the audience, I want to drive you to answer this question very specifically. So you talked about how, well, Andy said that there's a lot of guys out there that are going to think this book is How to Be a Pussy, right? But what strikes me about-

• 23:53Andy Frisella?

  If you steal my question, I'm going to cut your fucking head off.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  I won't. But what strikes me about you, Louis, is that you've dealt with this, you've embraced this vulnerability, and yet nobody in their right mind is going to say that you became less competitive. So my question is-

• 24:08Lewis Howes?

  That's what's my fear, yes.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  So my question is, how has embracing your vulnerability actually liberated you to be more competitive?

• 24:17Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's just, it makes me free. The word that always comes to me is like freedom. I feel freedom, even though, listen, I'm not perfect, and I wear these masks still. There's still some that are hard to let go of, but I'm aware of them when they happen. I'll give an example. Yesterday, trying to get here, I literally, I left my wallet at home, which I've never done. And so I got to the airport, and I realized I didn't have my ID. And I had to get through security like a whole nother back-around way and answer all these questions. They pretty much like stripped you down naked and like touched you everywhere to make sure you don't have anything. And I missed my flight. They closed the door by two minutes. And the TSA is taking forever to get me through. And I'm like, guys, I gotta get to the gate. They're gonna close the door. They're like, no, you're fine. Like, you got enough time.

• 25:00Lewis Howes?

  And I was like, you're wrong. But, okay, I'm just gonna, you know, go through the process. I get there. No one's helpful for me with the customer support. I see the plane. It hasn't left yet. I'm like, just open the door. Let me through. And no one will help me. I wanted to punch a wall. Cause I was like, now I gotta take an overnight flight to get to St. Louis. You know, I'm pissed at myself for forgetting my wallet. I'm pissed at TSA. I'm like, I wanna rage right now. And I'm literally like, how fitting is this? That, you know, I get to practice what I preach. Well, I get to practice what I'm preaching. And not yell at this person that I wanna fucking rage at. Not punch the wall, kick a trash can over. I was like, literally looking at a trash can, like, I'm gonna break this thing.

• 25:43Andy Frisella?

  Bro, you got the same fire I got.

• 25:44Lewis Howes?

  You know what I mean? I was like, these people are not helping me.

• 25:47Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  And I just had to breathe.

• 25:49Andy Frisella?

  And you're thinking in your head, like, dude, how stupid is this?

• 25:51Lewis Howes?

  So dumb. And I was like, every part of this process, I was like, yes, I get to take responsibility that I didn't have my ID. But this could have not happened also through their lack of time management when I was there. And I go, you know what? There's nothing I can do in this situation. Getting angrier and making a scene is not gonna help me. It's only gonna hurt me. So I just breathed and I said, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. And, you know, again, I wear these masks.

• 26:16Andy Frisella?

  How much happier does that make you?

• 26:17Lewis Howes?

  It's so much, it's so much better. I mean, the rage of like punching somebody's gonna feel good for a moment. And then you're like, why?

• 26:22Andy Frisella?

  I feel like we're, we might not be in the exact same spot in this way, but I feel like we've both gone through this process.

• 26:28Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 26:29Andy Frisella?

  And dude, I used to be the exact same way. Like, I would freak the fuck out over shit.

• 26:34Lewis Howes?

  And like puff it up and like scream.

• 26:36Andy Frisella?

  Over stupid shit.

• 26:37Lewis Howes?

  Stupid shit.

• 26:37Andy Frisella?

  Like, and now it's like, I literally take pride in letting nothing shake me.

• 26:43Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 26:43Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean?

• 26:44Lewis Howes?

  Well, you were just mentioning this about Martin Luther King. What was the quote you said?

• 26:48Speaker 02

  The quote is, "I will hate no man, for I will give no man that power over me."

• 26:52Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 26:52Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful.

• 26:53Andy Frisella?

  Yes, but you have to identify and be aware that you're doing that.

• 26:56Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 26:57Andy Frisella?

  Because it will test every, if you're a competitive fiery dude.

• 27:01Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 27:01Andy Frisella?

  It will test every fiber of your being.

• 27:03Lewis Howes?

  That's why you need to be aware of what the masks are first. Now, what's the question you're getting to?

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Well, well, the question specifically was, and you answered it to some extent.

• 27:11Lewis Howes?

  Will I be a pussy if I'm?

• 27:12Speaker 02

  No, is, is how, how is embracing vulnerability actually freed you or liberated you to be even more competitive? And I have a follow up for that.

• 27:19Lewis Howes?

  It's given me freedom, uh, which inner peace in my mind is the most powerful thing we can have. Because if we're constantly in anger, rage, disconnection, resentment, whatever it is, then we are constantly giving our power away to something else. And that is going to hold us back from making the most money we want to make, making the impact, building the brand.

• 27:43Andy Frisella?

  You're spending unnecessary energy on things that don't matter.

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  That don't matter.

• 27:45Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  It's holding you back from your vision of living the life you want to live by reacting to everything else in the world. So for me, it's giving me the sense of, and listen, I was a fun, loving guy beforehand. Like I had a lot of passion, joy, but when something triggered those masks, it took over. And it took me days or weeks to like, get back to that fun, loving guy. And I was always conflicted. I was like, why am I angry? Like, why do I allow this? Why am I resentful or defensive? Or why haven't I forgiven that person or myself? I just didn't know how to. And, uh, it's been a four year journey of like, learning these things because you don't teach this in school.

• 28:21Andy Frisella?

  No, and nobody talks about it.

• 28:22Lewis Howes?

  Your parents don't teach this to you.

• 28:23Andy Frisella?

  Nobody talks about it.

• 28:24Lewis Howes?

  Especially when they tell you to just be a man and don't cry and all these things.

• 28:26Andy Frisella?

  Honestly, bro, until, until you and I had started talking about it, I think a lot of people that are very aware, like you and I are both, I would say at a hundred percent awareness.

• 28:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:37Andy Frisella?

  We, we go through the evolution naturally. If you hadn't have pointed it out to me like a year ago when we talked about it, I don't know that I would have identified the actual transition. Do you get what I'm saying?

• 28:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 28:51Andy Frisella?

  Like, I wouldn't have thought about it. So, oh, I went through this major transition. I used to be this way and now I'm this way.

• 28:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:56Andy Frisella?

  I just thought like I grew up, but, but the reality of this.

• 29:00Lewis Howes?

  There's some men that never grow up.

• 29:01Andy Frisella?

  Exactly. And that's what I want to talk about.

• 29:02Lewis Howes?

  You gotta have the awareness, yeah.

• 29:03Andy Frisella?

  So we have two kinds of men. We have the guys, and I feel like when you have all these coaches out there that are teaching other dudes to be men. All right. Which is, to me, I, you know, it's not my cup of tea, whatever. I'm not going to knock anybody's hustle. You know?

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 29:17Andy Frisella?

  I feel like you have a lot of guys who feel.

• 29:23Andy Frisella?

  All right. This is like hard to explain, but when we grow up, your mom tell like your mom tells you, oh, you need to be sensitive and you need to have a big heart. You needed this and that. And then you go to like school and, and then you start, you're like that. And then all of a sudden

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  You're made fun of.

• 29:37Andy Frisella?

  picked on. Right. Yeah. So then you go back in your shell and you become the opposite of that. And then most people never evolved from that.

• 29:44Lewis Howes?

  Then you have a girlfriend that tells you to be sensitive as well, or open up, or show emotion. But then when you do, they're like, I need you to be strong for me right now. So you're like, what do you want me to do? You want me to be strong? You want me to, you know?

• 29:57Andy Frisella?

  What the, so that's exactly what I want to talk about.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I'll treat you like a dick if you want me to.

• 30:01Andy Frisella?

  No, exactly. It's not, if girls don't want to be treated like a dick, they want to be challenged. It's totally different. The reason girls date guys who are dicks is because they are a natural challenge to them.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Well, most guys can't make that differentiation.

• 30:14Andy Frisella?

  No, they think they, you hear it all the time. Girls never want the nice guy. No, they want a nice guy. They want a guy that respects them, but they also want a guy that's going to stand up for himself and not be a bitch.

• 30:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Andy Frisella?

  And, and challenge them when necessary. Okay. And that's what I want, actually, that's exactly what I wanted to get into because I think looking at, you know, the, the, the word masculinity and, and insinuating that it's, you know, a mask that people wear. There's a lot of dudes that are going to think, well, I don't want to read that book because I'm going to turn into a soppy, crybaby. This, that's not what this is about. Okay.

• 30:54Andy Frisella?

  It has multiple benefits in business. Like we said, trust, engagement, you know, freedom to make the right choices, freedom to have the confidence to not react emotionally, but in relationships.

• 31:08Andy Frisella?

  I, there's a fine line between being a man and then being the, the fake man.

• 31:16Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 31:17Andy Frisella?

  Right. And then, so, and I know what I would say to this, but I'm, you wrote the book, so I want to hear your take.

• 31:24Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 31:25Andy Frisella?

  What would you say to somebody who's, who's, you know, struggling with that? They don't know where the boundaries are.

• 31:31Lewis Howes?

  Well, here's the thing, these masks are, are things that men wear to, to, to one, fit in and to two, create something to develop more self-worth in themselves. So for example, this would be something to talk about here. There's one that's called the material mask. There's one that's called the sexual mask. There's one that's called the athlete mask. There's all these different names for these masks that are backed by psychologists who have backed this with research to support this with me. I've done a lot of work with psychologists on this. And I'll give an example. When I was broke on my sister's couch, I said, I'm sick and tired of being broke. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get rich. I'm going to focus on this. I'm going to find rich mentors. I'm going to read every book.

• 32:14Lewis Howes?

  I'm going to do anything I can to not be broke anymore. So I put on the material mask and I said, I need to make as much money as I can so I can have the nice things and get off this couch. And it worked. I got rich.

• 32:28Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 32:29Lewis Howes?

  But here's the thing, here's the consequence. I gained 60 pounds. I didn't have any relationships. And I was constantly talking about the money I was making to, to create self-worth for myself. To attract like love from other people as opposed to, dude, yeah, I can go make a ton of money, but show it as an inspiration, not as a,

• 32:51Andy Frisella?

  Exactly.

• 32:51Lewis Howes?

  I'm here, look at me, look at me and all this stuff like, and this is a great example for you because I know you have a lot of money and you have nice things and there's nothing wrong with that. It's when the guys who are constantly talking about their nice things to make themselves look good and develop self-worth. You're never going to have enough self-worth.

• 33:09Andy Frisella?

  You'll never have enough.

• 33:10Lewis Howes?

  You'll never have enough.

• 33:10Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 33:11Lewis Howes?

  And you constantly need the bigger thing to feel worthy of people's attention.

• 33:14Andy Frisella?

  Literally five minutes.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And so this is all, again, it's a challenge because these things, when we wear them, they work, we get results.

• 33:22Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 33:22Lewis Howes?

  But there's also something that's missing.

• 33:24Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 33:24Lewis Howes?

  Which is this feeling of like, what if all these cars and money went away, would people still love you?

• 33:29Andy Frisella?

  Exactly.

• 33:30Lewis Howes?

  Or are they there because you have it?

• 33:31Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  So if you have nothing in your heart that shows people like you care, you're here to lift others up, it's just me, me, me. Again, the same thing with sexual, the sexual mask. When I, you know, was heartbroken when a girl broke up with me, I was like, I'm never again gonna let a girl hurt me like this. So I'm gonna go have every woman desire me. I'm gonna learn all the skills I need to so that women want me.

• 33:55Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 33:55Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna sleep with as many women as I can and then never commit to them.

• 33:58Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 33:59Lewis Howes?

  And it worked. I got women to desire me and want me and wanna date me and be in a relationship with me. And I continued to be able to sleep with as many as I wanted to essentially. It became like

• 34:09Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 34:09Lewis Howes?

  easier and easier. I was like, wow, this is amazing.

• 34:11Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 34:12Lewis Howes?

  I was getting results.

• 34:13Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 34:13Lewis Howes?

  But I felt so empty.

• 34:15Andy Frisella?

  And from the outside, most dudes would be like, that guy's the man.

• 34:18Lewis Howes?

  You're the man. But I was like, man, why am I so lonely?

• 34:20Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 34:21Lewis Howes?

  Why am I so, why like, did none of these girls mean anything? Why do I feel like so shitty? Why do I feel like?

• 34:28Andy Frisella?

  Cause you know you're not doing the right thing.

• 34:29Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And it was never enough.

• 34:31Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 34:31Lewis Howes?

  I was never, there was not many girls that could bring me self-worth.

• 34:35Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 34:35Lewis Howes?

  And that's what this is all about. It's like, how do we discover how to live a purposeful life? So that we can make the most money and make the most impact and feel worthy.

• 34:44Andy Frisella?

  Right. And, and guys, don't take this as, you know, out of context.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:49Andy Frisella?

  Louis is not saying it's not a good thing to have a lot of money.

• 34:52Lewis Howes?

  No, I'm not saying.

• 34:52Andy Frisella?

  Or it's not a good thing.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  I want all the money.

• 34:54Andy Frisella?

  To be attracted to women.

• 34:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:55Andy Frisella?

  Or know how to attract women.

• 34:56Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 34:57Andy Frisella?

  You know, like, those are all good things, but you have to utilize them for the right reasons.

• 35:00Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 35:02Andy Frisella?

  You know, I, I think, you know, you, with guys, you have one of two extremes. Like we have in most situations in life. We have extremes. If you go to politics, we have the right side and we have the left side. If you go to, you know, the country, you've got the north and the south.

• 35:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 35:18Andy Frisella?

  You know, everything you're gonna be able to find a, a natural 50% divide.

• 35:23Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 35:23Andy Frisella?

  And with men, we have it the same way. We have dudes that are, they, that are overly. What they think is masculine and then we have dudes who are women. And you know what I'm saying? And I'm not, you know, for the women that listen. I'm saying that with traditional stereotypical.

• 35:43Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 35:43Andy Frisella?

  You know, sense like women are typically more emotional and more sharing and more this or more feminine.

• 35:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:48Andy Frisella?

  So we have men who are very quote unquote masculine. And then we have women who are, or we have men who act like women and think that that's what's going to attract women. Because that's what their moms told them.

• 35:58Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 35:59Andy Frisella?

  And you know what's funny is neither one of them work.

• 36:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:01Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean?

• 36:02Lewis Howes?

  They're both fake.

• 36:03Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 36:03Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're not being who you truly are.

• 36:05Andy Frisella?

  Exactly.

• 36:05Lewis Howes?

  And that's what it comes down to is taking off the mask and revealing who you are and being that, being comfortable in your own skin.

• 36:10Andy Frisella?

  Well, dude, just like we talked about creating trust with your followers or your business or your personal brand. Through, through sharing your, your humanity. How do you create wonderful friendships? How do you create amazing relationships with, with, uh, you know, romantic relationships? You do that by being who the you are.

• 36:30Lewis Howes?

  This is so true. I mean, the key to success, I'm sure you would agree with this. The key to success in your life has been the relationships in your life.

• 36:37Andy Frisella?

  No question.

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  And the key to successful relationships at the highest level is vulnerability is being who you are is revealing.

• 36:43Andy Frisella?

  And you shouldn't be embarrassed about that.

• 36:45Lewis Howes?

  Shouldn't be embarrassed.

• 36:45Andy Frisella?

  Right. Like, like I, I literally, I don't know that there's anything I could truly get embarrassed about because A.

• 36:52Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're comfortable in yourself.

• 36:53Andy Frisella?

  Dude, and I live, I, I, I, I know who I am. I live what I think is the, a correct, a morally correct life. You know what I mean? I don't do things that I don't think are right. And for that reason, when I, you know, when I think about, when I reflect on myself, you know, that, that gives me confidence in, in who I am. Makes me feel good. It gives me, it gives me the ability to connect with other people. And, and like, dude, if they were to say, you know, like, I mean, even. Like stupid, like, hey, I shit my pants today. It's like, hey, bro, you know what? I've done that before too. You know, like, like stuff that would be totally embarrassing. Like, you just gotta learn to laugh at it.

• 37:34Andy Frisella?

  And, and understand that, you know, everybody's gone through these weird things that you go through as being a human being.

• 37:42Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 37:42Andy Frisella?

  And when you share those things and you're real with people without feeling like it's gonna damage you, you become somebody who other people will naturally connect with and follow because they emulate to have that same sort of freedom.

• 37:55Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. And I wanted to, I know you had another question. I didn't want to cut you off.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  No, you guys are just reading my mind.

• 38:00Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  You're pretty much answered everything I've said. My follow-up question.

• 38:04Lewis Howes?

  I want to respect your.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  I mean, yes and no. I'll just, I'll just state it and you can add whatever layer you want to it. Is that, you know, I'm fourth, I'm in fourth grade, I'm in church, I'm getting tired, my eyes closed, my mom, you know, elbows me and she says, quit falling asleep. And I say, oh, I'm praying, mom. So from the outside, two completely different things.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  From the outside, two completely different things can look the same. And so you talked at the beginning about how, you know, you were driven by this rage, like playing that basketball game. Andy's talked about how, you know, we want this competitive edge. We want this competitive, right, we want that. So my question for both of you guys.

• 38:45Lewis Howes?

  Hurting someone else, that's not good.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Right. Because you know, there's gonna be asterisk holes that are going, well, wait a minute. No. So what my question is, just flesh it out a little bit more for the audiences. How do you know the difference between when you are being driven by the wrong kind of rage? And when you're being driven by the right kind?

• 39:04Lewis Howes?

  It's like a UFC fighter who is fighting for his life and is fighting for his mission to be the best. And after he pummels the guy in the face and breaks his arm and he taps out, he embraces him and he like says, I love you.

• 39:16Andy Frisella?

  Respect, right.

• 39:17Lewis Howes?

  He says like, I love you. You're a champion. You're a warrior. Like, I'm so glad we can be, you know, connect now in another way because.

• 39:24Andy Frisella?

  Dude.

• 39:24Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to, that's right, motherfucker. Like, you suck. Like, that doesn't feel good.

• 39:28Andy Frisella?

  No. And you know what's, you'll always regret that.

• 39:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:31Andy Frisella?

  You know, people, I'm on, I'm on very. In my business life, my actual businesses, I'm on very good terms with most people that compete with us. Because I, I believe A in abundance, but, but B, I've learned through experience that that will only drive you insane.

• 39:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:51Andy Frisella?

  And people think it's weird. Like they're like, dude, how come you're nice to that guy? How come you, how come you treat that guy cool? He's like competitors with you. I'm like, maybe that guy, you know, that guy's in a place I was five years ago and I know what that's like. Or he's in a place that I want to be in five years. And there's, there's things you can learn from everybody and there's ways to get everybody to play together.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  Also, yeah. And you, you also want to have a good reputation with your competitors because what if you merge one day? What if you want to partner one day? What if you want to like refer?

• 40:21Andy Frisella?

  It happens all the time. That's why I get so annoyed with small business owners who think that their marketing strategy revolves around talking shit. That's the worth, most worthless thing that you could do and it creates total distrust with every one of your customers. That's another story. But to answer that question, I want to answer that question. So I think that there is tremendous, and I've said this and we've done a whole podcast about this. I always say negativity is extremely underrated because dude, if you look, let's be honest. If you look at what, how you market yourself and how I market yourself and you didn't, people didn't know us, didn't listen to anything except go to our Instagram. They're literally polar opposites. You're all about love. You're all about, you know, being a positive guy.

• 41:03Andy Frisella?

  And I'm all like, dude, harness that negative shit and shove it down everybody's throat. And dude, but I think that, and you've said it just here in this podcast. You have both sides to you and I have both sides of you. It's just choosing the direction we want to go. And I think that there is, like I said, tremendous power in negativity. And when you're young and when you're hungry and you don't understand or haven't gone through the process of truly finding a purpose. Those things can be very powerful.

• 41:40Andy Frisella?

  Energy to project you ahead.

• 41:42Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 41:42Andy Frisella?

  And there's nothing wrong with that.

• 41:44Lewis Howes?

  It can be those powerful fuel you'll ever have.

• 41:45Andy Frisella?

  No question.

• 41:46Lewis Howes?

  But if at the end of the day, after years, something's hurting you inside still.

• 41:50Andy Frisella?

  Exactly.

• 41:50Lewis Howes?

  And that's all you have. It's time to shift it or learn how to balance it.

• 41:53Andy Frisella?

  That's right. And you, my natural progression, my short answer is you need both. My natural progression has been for most of the time until I was about 33 years old. I'm 38 now, so about five years ago. It was 100%, I want to everybody, I'm going to destroy everybody.

• 42:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:12Andy Frisella?

  And people resonate with that message because they know what that's like.

• 42:15Lewis Howes?

  They feel it.

• 42:16Andy Frisella?

  They've been hurt. They've been told that they're a piece of shit. They've been called fat. They've been told they're crazy. We all go through that. And so if you're going to have that energy in your life, you may as well use it. That's my point. But, and we both agree on this, there will come a time where you will get to a point of progress and you will look back and say, man, I've made all this progress. It just doesn't, I don't feel like I have. I feel like it's, it doesn't feel like I thought it would feel. And that's where the transition will start to happen.

• 42:49Lewis Howes?

  You said something earlier that is probably the most profound thing of this whole conversation. To bring it to, to wrap up is that the ultimate alpha man is the man who supports others and it lives in service.

• 43:02Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 43:02Lewis Howes?

  And for me, that's kind of what I've found throughout this research is that the ultimate man or definition of masculinity is living in service.

• 43:08Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 43:09Lewis Howes?

  And you can't be negative and use anger and this like negative fire to fuel living in, or to live in service.

• 43:18Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 43:18Lewis Howes?

  Like it can fuel you to get there, but you gotta eventually shift to be like, you know what? The ultimate alpha man is like, not the one who needs to fight. It's the one who can diffuse any situation because he can see everything clearly.

• 43:27Andy Frisella?

  You're setting an example for other men. That's what alpha men, alpha male is about. It's about, it's about being the dominant male. But the way you become the dominant male, which is counterintuitive to what everybody says, is by being the guy who lets everyone else know that they're just like you.

• 43:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:44Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And. And dude, we, we, we get bombarded by people who think alpha male means beard, muscles.

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  Aggressive, yeah.

• 43:53Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, like honestly, like if you looked at my page, like I fit the stereotypical dude.

• 43:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Andy Frisella?

  Like if you didn't, if you, yeah, big truck, you know, uh, you know, all guns, all the shit.

• 44:06Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 44:06Andy Frisella?

  I, I just happen to like that shit.

• 44:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:08Andy Frisella?

  But that doesn't make me a man.

• 44:10Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 44:10Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And I got tattoos, like all the stereotypical shit. I'm like the embodiment of that. And the funny thing is, is that people who from the outside that will follow me, who have never listened to me talk, have never listened to me speak, have never read any of the shit I've written. They would think that guy is like the guy, he's like, he's trying to be a tough guy. And the truth is, is that the reason that most of the people follow me has nothing to do with that.

• 44:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:34Andy Frisella?

  It has to do with the fact, and this is kind of cool too, is that I might set that expectation. I can't tell you how many people email me and they say, dude, you're nothing like I first thought you were.

• 44:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:44Andy Frisella?

  And like, that's like the ultimate compliment to me because I get what they're saying. And what, what they're saying is, is that they perceive me in that, that light and then figured out that there's so much more to.

• 44:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's the thing I love about you, Andy, is you know, even over our texts over the years and just every time I see you in person, it's like, you're so real and you, you share like your struggles with me like man to man. You're like, you know, things are great, but I'm also like working on this and it's like challenging.

• 45:07Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing.

• 45:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. And that's what it's like, it makes you so much more relatable and I appreciate that about you and our friendship.

• 45:14Andy Frisella?

  Likewise, bro. I mean, that's, that's why I think you and I connect so good.

• 45:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 45:18Andy Frisella?

  And people, you, you know, I think it comes down to, man, and I, this is going to be an awesome book for anybody to read, man or woman. Because I feel like maybe you and I have gone through this process organically, but not everybody does.

• 45:32Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:32Andy Frisella?

  They get stuck. Like, like I said, you know, their, their parents tell them, especially their moms, that we're talking about men now. You know, hey, you know, do this and have a big heart and care about people and do the right thing. And you go to school and you get shoved in a locker because they're like, you're a pussy. You know what I mean?

• 45:47Lewis Howes?

  So you gotta toughen up.

• 45:48Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, so you toughen up and then you stay in that state your whole entire life. And, and that's where a lot of guys get stuck.

• 45:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:54Andy Frisella?

  And it's a shame because. There, I recognize that, and I know you do too. Like, you recognize it immediately. Like, when I see a dude who's like, trying to be that dude, and I can see right through it.

• 46:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:06Andy Frisella?

  And it sucks, because I feel sorry for them. Because I know that they're never gonna be able to truly understand. The, I, let me say this. The chances of them ever truly understanding how to really be what they want to be is very slim, because they're not willing to let people see who they are.

• 46:24Lewis Howes?

  Unless they get a wake-up call, unless they have something in their life where it's a near-death experience, where there's a something, a breakup, a breakdown, breakthrough, for them to be like, a catalyst to be aware.

• 46:34Andy Frisella?

  Right.

• 46:34Lewis Howes?

  And that's what happened to me. I got in this fight, I was going through a traumatic breakup, and I was like, something's not working. I need to figure this out.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  So after two years of working with Andy, I would, if somebody asked me, I would say, all of the negative energy, all of the fire, all of the, all of the stuff you see Andy putting out, is, is a competitive spirit ultimately motivated by a commitment to excellence? What it seems like in your life, you discovered, was how to rid yourself of the same negative energy and motivation, but one that was not rooted in excellence, it was rooted in insecurity.

• 47:09Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, yeah, it was.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  That's my take.

• 47:11Lewis Howes?

  Definitely.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  And that's why you feel sorry for those people too, because you know that they're so unhappy on the inside.

• 47:15Andy Frisella?

  Exactly. They're angry. It's not even, it's not even happy, it's pure anger. Something happened to those people, they got made fun of, they got dumped, they got, you know, they went through a traumatic experience, like we talked, like you talked about, or like,

• 47:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he's like, it's never gonna happen again.

• 47:30Andy Frisella?

  They went through this crazy shit, and they're just, they're angry. And like, dude, um, they're afraid to let people know what it is, and the truth of it is, is if they let people know, and they came out, it would inspire people to follow them.

• 47:43Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:44Andy Frisella?

  You know, dude, share your story, share the things that hurt you. Those are the things that make people relate to you, and that's what builds a brand.

• 47:52Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 47:53Andy Frisella?

  You know, and it's not just about business, but- You know, my brand and your brand, this is who we are 24 hours a day.

• 47:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:00Andy Frisella?

  Like, it's funny because people, like, people will say to Emily, they're like, well, is he like that at home? Well, you know, I might not be yelling and screaming and shit, but you know, I'm, I'm pretty like.

• 48:08Lewis Howes?

  You're passionate.

• 48:09Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I'm a passionate dude. I'm just intense by nature and, uh, but I'm not like, hey, you know, those cookies were nine out of 10. You're 10 out of 10. Like, that's not how it works, man. Like, I'm just happy to get some cookies, you know? But, uh, but you know, I think also to sit to your point, Vaughn, you know, for our mission here, which has always been to reverse the idea that everybody wins, everybody's special, everybody's a delicate flower. That's been our mission. So delivering a tough message that says, hey, man, look, we know it's fucking tough. I've been through this shit. You know what? You gotta pull your fucking boots back on. You gotta get back out in the game.

• 48:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:50Andy Frisella?

  That's the message here.

• 48:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:52Andy Frisella?

  All right. It has nothing to do with, you know, being this tough guy. It's about being mentally tough.

• 48:59Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 48:59Andy Frisella?

  You know, and one of the ways that you get the most mentally tough is by being comfortable and confident with who you are. And one of the ways you do that is by sharing with other people who you are. And most people just never go through that process. They never, and dude, I'm so glad you wrote this book because there's really nothing like it. Like, there's nothing, there's not a manual out there for somebody to read, you know? Like, if you, if you were to, and this is the ironic thing about this book. Anybody else were to write this book, it would be called How to Be a Real Man.

• 49:30Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 49:31Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 49:32Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 49:33Andy Frisella?

  With the same shit on the inside.

• 49:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, right.

• 49:35Andy Frisella?

  But it says the mask of masculinity and it's, I just, dude, I love that about what you're doing because it. Oh, you got Steve Weatherford on here. That dude's a fucking stud.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  He is. If you had called it that, you would not get probably the female readers that you were talking about earlier.

• 49:50Lewis Howes?

  That's why so many, so many women are like, right when I show them this or, or say the title, they're like, thank you. They're like, yes, they're like, oh my God, it's so needed right now.

• 49:59Andy Frisella?

  And you and I and, and we, dude, we're, you know, a lot of the same girls I know, like dude, high profile, high celebrity type girls and they all, you know, like I've, I've talked to these girls, I'm friends with them. And you should hear the shit they say about dudes. Like, guys, you're embarrassing yourselves out there by like trying to be this dude. Like. This is something that everybody needs to read.

• 50:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 50:22Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And I just think it's cool you're bringing awareness to a situation that can bring so many results in different ways to people's lives, their business life, their relationship. How angry you are at the world, like these guys are like, I can hate everybody in the world. Well, dude, it's not that. It's that you're, you're mad about something that's going on inside. And what, what you're doing with the shit that's given to you and fed to you with the world is just turning that into that and spitting it back out.

• 50:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man.

• 50:52Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 50:53Speaker 03

  It's perfect timing for this too.

• 50:55Andy Frisella?

  Oh, with all the social unrest for sure.

• 50:57Lewis Howes?

  There's just so much political stuff. There's so, I mean, these killings are just like racial stuff. I'm just like, what is happening in our world, man?

• 51:03Andy Frisella?

  But dude, and people are like, people are like, why are all these people going crazy? Well, let's be real. Let's, let's be real for a second. If you're on social media, if you're specifically Facebook and you spend any amount, I've liter, I've cut my Facebook time down to zero.

• 51:18Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 51:18Andy Frisella?

  Like I'll post and then I go away.

• 51:20Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 51:20Andy Frisella?

  Because.

• 51:21Lewis Howes?

  You get depressed if you're on there.

• 51:22Andy Frisella?

  It's terrible. And it makes, it has made a huge difference in my personal happiness, as weird as it sounds, to give zero time to that negativity.

• 51:30Lewis Howes?

  That's great. Yeah.

• 51:31Andy Frisella?

  And, uh, you know, Instagram's a lot more positive.

• 51:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You can choose who you're following.

• 51:36Andy Frisella?

  Yes. It's just way more positive, you know? And, uh, I've, I've, but let's be real, dude. We're so, the media, Facebook, social media.

• 51:46Lewis Howes?

  Peers.

• 51:46Andy Frisella?

  Peers. All this shit is being dumped on us and none of it is positive. None of it. And, and when you have internal negative energy that's, that's spewing and turning and churning.

• 51:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes to these things. Yes, they're right. Yeah.

• 52:00Andy Frisella?

  Cause like dude, what's going to get more likes on Facebook?

• 52:04Andy Frisella?

  God, the world is a beautiful place and I'm so happy today. Like dude, I wrote, and I did this as a social experiment. I wrote a status to, uh, I don't know, a week ago that said, tell me something, the best thing that happened to you this week. It was on a Friday. You know, it was the lowest like status I've had in like two years. I had literally thousand comments or some shit. Like 300 likes where if I were to post, am I the only one that gets pissed off when people don't put their shopping carts back? What kind of piece of shit? What kind of piece of shit doesn't put the shopping carts back? I would have 10,000 likes on that. You know what I'm saying? Like dude, people vibe with the frustrations and they don't vibe nearly enough with the good shit.

• 52:48Andy Frisella?

  Which is why most people are unhappy. They're not taking the time to be grateful for what they have. They're taking all their time, all of it, and spending it looking at other people who have this fake image and saying, man, I wish I was more like that. More like what? All you gotta do is fake it. You know what I'm saying? You could be that today. Like, they're all lying. Like, the people you look up to, the people that you're, you're, you're saying that and putting yourself in a negative spot. They're all full shit.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  It takes way less energy to be positive than it does than that be negative. Would you agree?

• 53:21Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 53:22Speaker 03

  At least the same.

• 53:23Andy Frisella?

  I, dude, I, I just don't think, I, I think people are so accustomed to like rallying around the negativity. You know, that's why if you post something political, you'll get a thousand comments. But you, you know, if you post something like, hey, tell me the best thing that happened this week. You know, nobody cares about that.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:40Andy Frisella?

  Which is funny because like, dude, I read the comments and they were awesome. Like, the comments made me feel fucking good. You know? It was, it's just, I just consciously, I'm working on putting my energy into places that I'm gonna get good feedback.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 53:56Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And not on negative, because I preach that, right? Like, don't let the negativity bother you, but sometimes it bothers you without you being aware that it's bothering you. You know what I'm saying?

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 54:06Andy Frisella?

  Like, dude, it's energy. It's not something you control. Like, if you're, if you have people or situations or habits in your life that are putting negative energy into you, don't think that you're gonna be able to somehow put up your negative energy shield and still tolerate it. Like, it's still gonna affect you. You know, and that's been a big, big thing. I don't know how we got on this tangent, but uh.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  This is great. Well, you know, uh, you always ask at the end of one of your, uh, one of your podcasts, what's your definition of greatness? What's your definition of our greatness? No, I'm, I'm being stupid.

• 54:40Andy Frisella?

  Of our greatness?

• 54:41Speaker 02

  No, actually, what I was gonna ask of my greatness. No, no, actually, I did wanna ask you, because I've, I, I don't know that I've ever heard you summarize it. This is a success and motivation podcast.

• 54:51Andy Frisella?

  Yep.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  What's your definition of success?

• 54:55Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 54:58Lewis Howes?

  It's, I think everyone gets to define success for themselves. And that's why for me, I talk, I use the word greatness because I think it's different for everyone. It's not like, um, success is usually about achievement. I think greatness is about more of a feeling. It's a feeling of, of knowing that you're on the right path. So my definition of greatness is discovering the unique gifts and talents within you. To pursue your dreams and in that pursuit, making the maximum impact you can on people around you. And for me, that's what I feel like greatness is.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Hmm. You've given some thought to this.

• 55:31Lewis Howes?

  I have. People ask many times. Yeah, yeah. Um, I think, I think success and greatness can be, you know, similar. It all depends on how you want to define yourself. Yeah.

• 55:38Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I think it's, it's definitely, uh, it's a, it's a touchy subject for people because especially like when you take a stance on it, like if you have a podcast. Say this is what I think it is. Realize that what you said is the truth. It doesn't matter what I think it is. It's what you think it is. And, um, I had somebody on social last night because I posted a video about, that said, there's not much nobility. And being broke and insignificant, and that's not, I could have used better words. What I really mean when I say that is this. There's no nobility in unfulfilling your own potential.

• 56:11Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 56:12Andy Frisella?

  And every single person, and I say that comment the way I said it, because every single person that has a fucking cellphone. Has the ability to not be broke. Okay. So that's where that's coming from. But the point is, is that. I, I personally think that success is, greatness and success are two different things. And I think success, you know, as I say, is the pursuit of fulfillment of one's true potential.

• 56:37Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 56:38Andy Frisella?

  And that's how I define it because it's going to be different for everybody.

• 56:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:40Andy Frisella?

  You were born under different circumstances. I was born.

• 56:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:43Andy Frisella?

  We all start at different places. So you cannot identify success as money or car or this or that. And if you do, you're, you're going to be very unfulfilled at the end of the day.

• 56:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:52Andy Frisella?

  It's about the process and, you know, that sounds corny when you're 19 years old. It's about the journey because you haven't been on a.

• 56:58Lewis Howes?

  They want to make money right now. Yeah.

• 57:00Andy Frisella?

  But I wouldn't trade my journey for fucking any amount of money.

• 57:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:03Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? And, and greatness, you know, I think the definition you gave of greatness is perfect. Like, I love that. Like, you know, um. There's lots of people who are successful that aren't great.

• 57:15Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 57:16Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 57:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:16Andy Frisella?

  So I think it's a, I think it's a.

• 57:18Lewis Howes?

  It's a good call. Yeah.

• 57:18Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. You know, there's lots of people that make lots of money that make zero impact on other people.

• 57:22Lewis Howes?

  It's true.

• 57:22Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 57:23Lewis Howes?

  Have zero fulfillment, that aren't following their dreams, that aren't, yeah.

• 57:26Andy Frisella?

  Right. It's totally possible. Now, I always try to tell people like, hey, look, you know, the way you make the most money is by, is by creating the most value. And I feel like that's true, but that's also a new truth because of the way media is now conducted with social media and feedback and all that. There's lots of people out there that have billions of dollars that made them 30, 40 years ago that didn't do anything to really.

• 57:46Lewis Howes?

  Trading stocks or something like that, you know?

• 57:48Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. So, um, you know, if you can have both, that's, that's a pretty good thing.

• 57:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with both.

• 57:55Lewis Howes?

  Nothing wrong with it.

• 57:56Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. You know, you, you know, when we talk about, like, when you talk about the mask of, of, uh, material.

• 58:01Lewis Howes?

  Material mask, yeah.

• 58:03Andy Frisella?

  You know, people, people hear that sometimes and they, they think, well, it's not, well, is it not a good thing for me to have material goals? No, it's a great thing.

• 58:11Lewis Howes?

  I'm all for it. Yeah.

• 58:12Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. It's a great thing, but it's a bad thing when you make it the focus of who the you are.

• 58:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. It's your identity.

• 58:18Andy Frisella?

  Exactly. And that's, that's something that, well, a lot of people do.

• 58:23Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 58:23Andy Frisella?

  You know, they, like, I see this on Instagram a lot, dude, with some pretty wealthy business guys. Their whole, their whole brand is like promoting

• 58:32Andy Frisella?

  high end shit, like they're, they're, you know, hundred thousand dollar AP or their, their Rolls Royce, you know, their five Rolls Royces or this or that. And it's like, dude, we get it. We, yeah, we get it. We get it. We got, you got some money and you think you have taste.

• 58:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:51Andy Frisella?

  I get it. But how about we talk about how the you got there? How we talk about the struggles you went through? How will we talk about this or that? And if they did that, their, their fan base, their following and, and their, their fulfillment would all go up. It's just a hard thing for people to, it's a hard thing for people to grasp because it's counterintuitive.

• 59:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 59:09Andy Frisella?

  Society says we have to be this guy, you know, the big muscle guy, the tough guy, the, the puffy guy with the beard and, and wearing a lumberjack coat. You know what I'm saying? Like, but the truth of it is, is that has nothing to do with it. That's just bullshit.

• 59:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 59:24Lewis Howes?

  I agree.

• 59:24Andy Frisella?

  So I think it's really cool that you took the opportunity and that you're using your platform. You know, being a New York Times bestseller and, and your social platform and all the following that you have.

• 59:35Lewis Howes?

  Because you could have, you, you literally could have wrote 50 other business books. A lot, yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's what my agent and my publisher wanted me to do and I was just like, I'm not feeling it. But this, this is a legacy book. Yeah. That's how I see it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? This hasn't been written before. Yeah. And I think it's awesome that you did that. Thank you, thank you. So, uh, it's a short read, right? Yeah, quick. Yeah, so, I mean dude, where, where are they gonna, where you want to buy it on Amazon? You can get it at Amazon, maskofmasculinity.com. You can get it, you know, all the links are there for Barnes and Noble and Amazon, but wherever, you know, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, wherever you want to. Yeah, plug it up, bro. Yeah. Maskofmasculinity.com, yeah, yeah. So, guys, uh, first of all, Lewis, thank you, man. It's always good to see you. It was a fun conversation. Yeah, dude, I love the conversation.

• 1:00:19Lewis Howes?

  I, I always love our conversations. Yeah, it's good. Like, it's, it's, you know, I'm, you're lucky enough and I'm lucky enough to have, uh, you know, amazing contacts and relationships and, and guests and things like that and talk to, but I will say, having you on the show is one of my favorite times because we do have, it's real conversation. That's it, yeah. This is the shit we'd be talking about if this, these weren't here. Exactly. If the microphones weren't here, we'd be having this discussion. For hours. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And, and, and that's what I appreciate about you, bro. I appreciate it, man. So, thank you for stopping by. Thanks, man. Uh, best of luck with the book.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Drinking gluten-free beer, right?

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, huh?

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  Drinking gluten-free beer.

• 1:00:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, well, Lewis doesn't drink. I don't drink.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right, you don't drink.

• 1:00:56Lewis Howes?

  You drink gluten-free beer. But, I'm pretty sure he'd be happy to sit here while we drank and they can make fun of us. Yeah.

• 1:01:02Lewis Howes?

  So. I appreciate you guys, thank you very much, man. Of, of course, man.

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  There you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this one. Let me know what you thought. For me, this was a powerful one, just because Andy and I, uh, you know, come from a similar place, you know, we're both from the Midwest, we both experienced different things as men growing up, feeling like we had to project and portray this different type of masculinity, and in some ways, it helped us. And in other ways, we've learned that there's a better way of going about life. So I'd love for you to share this out with your friends. Again, lewishouse.com/553. Tag me on Instagram and Twitter at Lewis Howes, and let me know what you thought. The full show notes is Back on the website as well at LewisHowes.com/553.

• 1:01:50Lewis Howes?

  Get pumped, get ready, the game is about to change. I love you guys and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.