#125 - Mark Normand

Dear friend of the show Mark Normand returns to the pod to discuss being a dad, why having a baby is like being JLo’s assistant, getting bullied as a child, Biden's new entertainment career, phone FOMO, Kevin Hart, clones, and much more. Mark and Stav help callers including a woman who is disillusioned after learning that the artist-professor that she works for is having an affair, and a fit guy who wants to help his wife feel more secure in her post-pregnancy body. Follow Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Normand-21895626989 http://twitter.com/marknorm https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/ Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off Chubbies with the code STAVVYSWORLD at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/ Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com! https://www.booking.com/ 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works Chicago, Illinois.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Start your morning with the $6 McRiddles Extra Value Meal. Featuring your choice of a sausage, egg and cheese McRiddles, or bacon, egg and cheese McRiddles. Plus crispy hash browns and a small premium roast coffee. Sweet, savory, crispy, and caffeinated. It's everything your morning ordered, all for just $6. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing at participating McDonald's.

• 0:39Stavros Halkias?

  Opa! Welcome, everybody, to Stoffy's World. 904-800-Stoff. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have on the couch, new father Mark Norman in the building. How's it feel, bro?

• 0:54Speaker 02

  It feels weird. He's not mine. It's Matt Rife. He came out doing crowd work. He had a headset.

• 0:59Stavros Halkias?

  He came out with a Janet Jackson mic?

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yes, the nurse. How long you been together? What do you do for a living? No, no. It's going great. It's cute. It's gay. It's a little nugget. It's exciting. I'm on no sleep. I want to throw it out the window, but it's exciting.

• 1:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's you. We were told, we did a benefit, that fire benefit, right before your kid was going to get born.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25Stavros Halkias?

  And that was May, your wife, and my... So my brother also had a kid. They went to the hospital the same day.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34Stavros Halkias?

  And our little guy took a little longer to get, to pop out.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:39Stavros Halkias?

  But they're within, you know, your son and my nephew got, they could do joint birthday parties, man. They're like a day apart, you know? Which is pretty fun.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, my brother and me are two years apart. My parents are so cheap. They're like, "We'll do a joint."

• 1:52Stavros Halkias?

  Two-year joint. We did have a friend growing up, the mysterious and elusive Big P. Who, who, like, it's just so funny when you can tell how much certain parents care about one sibling more than the other. Right. We had a friend who, his brother was born in Ju- June or July, I think June, and he was born in August. So it's like. Ah, summer. So, right, it's like sea, same season. Yeah. But it wasn't like, let's meet in the middle, it was like, when the, the June guy's birthday was, like, on the day, they're like, hey, it's both their birthday parties. And I remember going and being like, and you know, his brother, fucking loser, dude. Right.

• 2:33Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean, like, like, we, or, or you know how it is, if you're friends with a younger brother, you're like, your older brother's a P. So, growing up, he was our enemy, because he was my friend's enemy. Right. And we go to his, we go to his, I'm going, I'm like, first of all, my mom's like, you wanna go to, you know, his birthday party, I was like, I mean, not really, you know what I mean, like, not really, but whatever, I guess there'll be fucking Pizza Hut there. Yeah, exactly. Or whatever, and then, and then I get there, and just fully being like, I'm like, eight or something, just pumped to be like, ah, this party sucks, but I'm hanging out with my boy, you know. Yeah. And I just go to my friend, um, and he's just like, so bummed out. Hmm. And I'm like, what's up, man? He was like, this is my birthday party too. And I was like, what? Like, I remember being a little kid and be, and like, being pissed off at the injustice of it.

• 3:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. Cause it was like, it was, you were, you were probably at that one too, they had the above-ground pool.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  I don't know if I was.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, I don't know if the, if you had, if you, that's right, I keep forgetting. You guys have known each other that long? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Since we were four. Whoa, I didn't know that. Yeah. That's fucking adorable.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Enemies in pre-k, brother.

• 3:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, enemies in pre-k, we got it together in kindergarten.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Well, I was, I was Stav's enemy, I was just a hapless immigrant who didn't, who didn't even know that I had ire coming from Stav.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  It wasn't just me, the whole Greek community was against this influx of Albanians.

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  Albanians are fucking dirty, let's be honest, you guys smell weird, you steal bread.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Hey, come on.

• 4:00Stavros Halkias?

  His, his community abandoned him. What happened is, he had another Albanian best friend in pre-k. Then that kid moved, and Elders had to fend for himself, and we absorbed him into our friend group in kindergarten. Such, such specific hate, he's Albanian.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  He's Greek. When I was a kid, it was white and black.

• 4:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no. We had very specific, uh, Eastern European.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you know, blood feuds going.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 4:26Stavros Halkias?

  And in fact, the reason you probably weren't at that party is because this particular family literally didn't like Albanians. I'm not even kidding. We've talked about it too much, but he was, he had, he was like banned from a friend's house because he was Albanian.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 4:41Stavros Halkias?

  And that was the first moment I was like, wait, what? I was like, and I was like confused as a kid because I was like, well, I mean, it's what I, I, it literally taught me ironic racism.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 4:52Stavros Halkias?

  Because I remember thinking that was so stupid that only like a moron would think that like my friend couldn't come into his house.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  Because you're just a little kid. It's like, what do you even mean?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:02Stavros Halkias?

  We're all friends. Why does he, why do we have to go sneak him a Kool-Aid jammer? I literally would go in the house to get two Kool-Aids and come out and we would drink them on the like, in the fucking backyard. He was allowed in the backyard, but not in the house.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  It was so crazy. It made you cognizant of ethnic injustice.

• 5:25Stavros Halkias?

  It made you cognizant of racism and how fucked up it was at like four years old. Like, no, legitimately seven. Like seven is when we started having these thoughts.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  Wow. You're like a little JFK. You're trying to bring the races together. It's adorable.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Eventually they caved slowly but surely.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  I love them. They love me. It's all good.

• 5:44Stavros Halkias?

  Now they've been, now he's been fully accepted and he was probably the person who taught them that racism is wrong. It's like the shittiest Lifetime movie. It's like the shittiest like schmaltzy Hollywood movie of like, it's just, oh, I guess this is just.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  But the moral is Albanians can be civilized.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  He can domesticate an Albanian.

• 6:06Stavros Halkias?

  If you're slow, but anyway, yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  The key to that, solving that kind of racism is bringing a darker group. Once a darker group comes in and you're like, no, no, we gotta stick together, actually. This is, this is way different.

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's why Europe's fascinating is because they're so, they're racist against each other. And if you were to just like, look.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, what do you mean? Like, the Yugoslavian civil war is crazy. It's Serbians versus fucking like, um, uh, I don't even know, where, where do the, where do the rest of those little countries? But it's like, none of us would ever, and they all were like, you see them, it's like Vladivac, Luka Doncic. Like, those guys are technically from different places. You know what I mean? Like, just big Serbs.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:49Stavros Halkias?

  But, I mean, I'm sure it was, it was prob, it had to be religious, right?

• 6:53Speaker 02

  It usually is.

• 6:54Stavros Halkias?

  Muslims, Christians, that had to be it.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  I mean, it's the same with Ireland. Ireland has a, a split in the middle with the religion.

• 6:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  And you're like, you guys are both ugly and drunk and ginger. Get along.

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  Well, one side was sucking on the British's dick.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Oh, is that what it was?

• 7:08Stavros Halkias?

  And the other side was like, blowing up the fucking, they, they killed a couple like, British pedophiles. Pretty good.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Oh, that's cool.

• 7:14Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to, we're pro IRA around here. Lizzie's in a box, you know what I'm saying?

• 7:21Speaker 02

  I made a mistake. I did a vicar's street. You ever done a Dublin?

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Oh, man. The great comedy crowds in Ireland, but I made the mistake of bringing up the division and it just like,

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  Ruined the whole thing.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  It ruined the whole show because half the crowd was yelling, the other half was yelling at them.

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, it was a race war. You just saw red hair going crazy, you know? And, uh, that was, it was like 20 minutes in, so it was a tough hour.

• 7:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious. Good to know.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  I definitely would have done that. I'm, I'm trying, I'm thinking about, uh, I want to go to Greece this summer and I, I think I want to tag on Ireland. Cause, you know, Ireland, London, Amsterdam, do a couple. I really want to work this hour everywhere.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 8:00Stavros Halkias?

  But I didn't realize that it was still, still like that.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  It's heavy.

• 8:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  It's still there, yeah. So be careful. Don't bring it up, but great people.

• 8:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Great time, great fun.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I love that shit, but, um, anyway, we were, yeah, that's a nice little tangent off of birthdays.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  I mean, well, what's another one? The, uh, what's the Hotel Rwanda? The Hutus and the Poopous or the whatever it is, the Mubu.

• 8:23Stavros Halkias?

  Tutsis.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, they're all black, but it's just,

• 8:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  People can find a way.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  People find a way, man. People find a way. We don't have to, you know, Hotel Rwanda.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  I just watched the movie.

• 8:34Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis just Googles Hotel Rwanda.

• 8:38Stavros Halkias?

  Not Rwandan Civil War, the fucking movie about it. I guess genocide, really.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, we're doing it. We got a Republican Democrat going on now. Like, it's, we're all, we all just find a way to hate each other. Doesn't even have to be color, or race, or gender.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  No, def- right now, well, gender definitely. Gender's classic.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  That's a classic.

• 8:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's never going away. Even when it seems like things are good, it's like, oh, no, we're still treating women bad.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 9:03Stavros Halkias?

  There's never, there's like, it's like, we were kind of getting there, I think, and then it's like, now, who's to say? It could get, it's getting kind of dicey again.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Well, now it's weird because it's like state by state. We're talking abortion. You know, it's like abortions are like weed. You can do it here, but you can't do it here. It's so weird. We gotta come together on this.

• 9:22Stavros Halkias?

  It is fu- it is fucking nuts that it's just like, oh, great, now I have to drive eight hours.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, whatever. We should get, let's, let's borsh the gals up, you know what I mean? You should be able to suck whatever you want out of your pussy with a vacuum cleaner, as far as I'm concerned.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Well, until you pay, like, I've paid, have you paid for one?

• 9:41Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, we can't, you know, Mark, we don't gotta get into specifics here.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  You knocked up Ellis's sister here. You can't have an Albanian kid.

• 9:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, sir. Philosophically, I would not be opposed to paying for one.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Well, once you pay for one, you're like, we need this. Because this chick sucks, I'm broke, I can't hang out with her anymore.

• 10:00Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's the other, the other thing is that, like, um, so many of the people who don't, to want to, like, ban abortions, if their daughter got pregnant.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:09Stavros Halkias?

  Are flying her to fucking wherever the fuck, you know what I mean?

• 10:12Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 10:12Stavros Halkias?

  And you can't tell me, look me, all these people think we should ban abortion, think Trump is the man, how many you think he's got under his belt? I mean, that's one of the most classic abortion paying guys of all time, you know what I mean? Like, that's the archetype of the guy. Like, he nutted inside of Stormy Daniels.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  I know.

• 10:30Stavros Halkias?

  Who else do you think he nutted inside of really fast?

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Of course, of course.

• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

  There's no way he's, there's no way he was a big condoms guy.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  No. He's like, I have a golden vacuum. It's a beautiful vacuum.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we should get, you know, whatever. Borsh, Borsh the gals up, man. Do whatever the fuck you, I, I mean, I have a joke about it, but it's like. You know, I'm working on a bit now, but I'm just like, I really don't even think even you born, uh, you shouldn't killing you born, baby. You holding you born.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  What a take. Oh, hey, watch everybody.

• 11:00Stavros Halkias?

  You holding you born, you look at that thing, you're like, this is a per- that's not even, even your fucking son right now, it's like, that's not a human.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  It's half baked, it's squirming.

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  It doesn't even open its eyes, you know what I mean?

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 11:13Stavros Halkias?

  It can't do shit. I don't even wanna protect, like, I wanna protect my nephew, your so- whatever, because I know.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:21Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? And especially because biologically, it's like. You've been trained to, but it's like. This is, it's like a teddy, it's like. A stuffed animal.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  It's a bag of flour.

• 11:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. But the crazy thing is, biol- this is how fucked up men are.

• 11:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  The baby comes out looking like the man, so you don't leave, you're less likely to leave, that's a true thing. Look that up, give it a goog. And that's how, that's why I'm like, adopted parents are heroes. If I, this thing was adopted and didn't look like me. I mean, that's going right in the dumpster. Like, one cry, one shit, gone. You're going in the incinerator, you fucking queef.

• 11:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, I totally believe that. Like some fu- like a caveman, the whole point is. You gotta be sure it's your DNA.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's not about love, it's not about nurturing a fucking, a soul, it's about making sure your DNA lives on. For who gives a fuck, by the way?

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Narcissism.

• 12:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy, but it's crazy that we, that that is. That, I mean, it just be, it's just like, that's who ended up. That's whose DNA gets around, is the fucking monkeys or whatever the fuck that wanted, that cared about legacy.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  The chill monkeys that were like, hey, it's mine, it's not, well, I'll love it either way.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:31Stavros Halkias?

  They got cucked to oblivion, they got fucked, they got fucked out of existence. But it is funny, it's like, who gives a fuck about your DNA living on? It's like, it should be the same thing. It should be the bonds you form.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:45Stavros Halkias?

  With the, with whoever, whatever little lump of shit over time, as it grows over time, but yeah.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 12:51Stavros Halkias?

  There is just something in your head that can't.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you can't fuck with biology, like, I know it's a hack thing, but the, you give the baby to the woman, and the baby's happier.

• 13:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  She knows what to do exactly, it's feeding off her tits right now.

• 13:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  And I, I'm very interchangeable.

• 13:05Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  I just bring money in and eat her out.

• 13:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  You know, anybody can do that.

• 13:10Stavros Halkias?

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• 13:52Stavros Halkias?

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• 14:36Stavros Halkias?

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• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Babies don't even conceive of themselves as not part of their mother.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:25Stavros Halkias?

  Till like they're a year old or some shit.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 15:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like to them, the mo- they are their mom.

• 15:32Stavros Halkias?

  They're a piece of their mom.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  And you swaddle it because it's like, oh, I'm back in the stomach.

• 15:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  It's pretty wild.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  That is fucking nuts. The last days of being a fucking baby must be crazy.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I know.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Kind of, kind of understand what's going on as much as a baby can.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:46Stavros Halkias?

  But you're, you are inside of a fucking human being.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, then you come out of a veg and you get slapped and there's fluorescent lights. Yeah, the whole thing sucks.

• 15:55Stavros Halkias?

  And they can't see shit either. That's the other thing. Don't look at a newborn. They can only see black and white.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 16:00Stavros Halkias?

  They can't see, they're like.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Fucking racist.

• 16:03Stavros Halkias?

  No nuance. Four day old baby does not understand the nuances around the edges.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  It is crazy too that it's like twenty twenty five and we still do the nine months, live in the stomach. That feels so primitive. Like we have hair transplants and Lasik. And like Ozempic, but we still have to do like this, when it comes to birth, we're still Amish.

• 16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  At the end of the day, it's crazy. We haven't figured that. We got Uber Eats.

• 16:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  You know, but we still do this primitive caveman baby belly thing.

• 16:30Stavros Halkias?

  You should be able to like, you nut inside, you should, first of all, I am a marvel of science. I've said it before. I, I'm in vitro, I'm a, I'm a test tube baby.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Oh, is that right? Whoa.

• 16:40Stavros Halkias?

  So we've gotten to the point where you can get, get it started, but we still have to pu- like I was at some point in a little fucking test tube.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 16:48Stavros Halkias?

  And they put jizz in an egg and that was me.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:51Stavros Halkias?

  And then they had to put it back into my mom. So it's like, we've gotten to the point where we can fertilize the thing, but a woman has to grow it.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 16:59Stavros Halkias?

  Think we'd be able to get a little fucking, like, you know, a little, get a little grow light, get a little fuck, you know what I mean? Like, there's gotta be a tank. Actually, we should, this is, we're just talking about growing humans in, in vats.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 17:11Stavros Halkias?

  What's gonna happen is, it's like, you know, rich people are just gonna be able to get whatever organ they, like, I, instead of a shoulder replacement. It's like, instead of putting metal in it, they're just like, they would just have clones of you ready to go.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  It's a three D printer for babies.

• 17:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  Thanks for the kidney.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  Eldis too.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  The sequel's always worse.

• 17:38Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis, Eldis kills five of his clones to stitch together one penis.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  That would be a nice way to get a bigger dick.

• 17:48Stavros Halkias?

  Little meat in the middle, your own dick?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  What are you doing today? Ah, I'm growing a dick, I can't hang out.

• 17:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah dude, no, I, I know what you mean, and it's also pretty, you think about how scary it is now and how much shit can go wrong now. It's crazy that anyone was born.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  I know. I know, it's like the, the middle ages, like a wolf could come up and steal your kid, or bandits, or cold weather, whatever.

• 18:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just something could go wrong, like, C-sections, just didn't, I mean, I think they did, I mean, they're named after fucking Caesar, but there's no way they were as fucking foolproof as they are now, you know what I mean?

• 18:29Speaker 02

  Of course, of course, a lot of women died, too.

• 18:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and women died constantly in childbirth, it is just, it is fuck, I wonder, humans naturally, what are rate, although I guess, I guess this happens in animals too, it's like, animals will routinely have a litter of duds and just be like, oh, well,

• 18:45Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 18:45Stavros Halkias?

  Guess I gotta eat these.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, right.

• 18:48Stavros Halkias?

  And then get fucking cream pie to getting you one going.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Well, speaking of cloning and the, the 3D printering, I mean, that's kind of what the old folks did back in the day, they're like, we need nine kids, because we gotta farm, three are gonna die.

• 18:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  I'll fuck one.

• 19:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll fuck the hottest one.

• 19:04Stavros Halkias?

  Either me, or I'll trade it to the mayor, for, for first dibs on a, a choice lot.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:10Stavros Halkias?

  At the farmer's market.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Right, exactly, yeah, I gotta grow wheat.

• 19:16Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right, it, it was like, I guess part, and, and yeah, you would just factor in that some of them just died.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, it happened all the time.

• 19:23Stavros Halkias?

  And I guess, if that happens to you all the time, loss can't fuck you up as much, right?

• 19:29Speaker 02

  True.

• 19:29Stavros Halkias?

  You'd have to be like numb to it.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  A little more numb, for sure.

• 19:33Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean, where it's like, if you live in a, now, like, there's a lot more tra, I mean, there, then there was more tragedies, like, life was just a tragedy.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:43Stavros Halkias?

  And so it's like, I guess you get why people were so fucking abusive. Maybe, maybe that's not right. Maybe like they were all abusive. They all fucking hit each other.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:52Stavros Halkias?

  There was just more ugliness, I think.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Way more ugliness. But everything went away too, because like you did something horrible and people just kinda ate it. They weren't like, let me tweet about this.

• 20:00Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  They, they just dealt with it.

• 20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  And so I think people were a lot stronger back then.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  You either let it destroy you or you fucking, you know, committed a murder, murder secretly.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 20:11Stavros Halkias?

  That, you know, you guys, you could get revenge and then just, if you lived in like Tulsa, you could move to like, you know.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:19Stavros Halkias?

  You can move to fucking Kansas City.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 20:21Stavros Halkias?

  My name's actually Jack Swanson.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, boom.

• 20:24Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know anything about the guy who killed his whole family in Tulsa.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, new life.

• 20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that, it's just like you, you would move like what today is like a drive.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Right.

• 20:34Stavros Halkias?

  Like you would just fucking get a horse together.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:37Stavros Halkias?

  Ride it for five hours and be like.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Ted Bundy killed a lady in Utah, took a bus to Florida and he was just like a furniture salesman or something. He was just living a new life. Then he killed a bunch of women there. Then he moved to like DC or whatever.

• 20:49Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking wild, dude.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was easy back then.

• 20:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, goddamn.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  I do think we've gone too far, like, you know, obviously that, those times were horrible and the, the beat the wife days and kill your kid days.

• 21:00Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  But now we're like on Yelp. You know, now we're like, the restaurant was drafty.

• 21:04Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Gone too far complaining.

• 21:07Stavros Halkias?

  You, I have probably been sadder about an over salt, like I ruined some crab, I made some crab cakes a couple of weeks ago.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 21:14Stavros Halkias?

  And I, I, instead of the little like, you know, instead of the right, the, on the salt pourer, the big flap opens.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  The flat one, yeah.

• 21:22Stavros Halkias?

  Big flap open and I, in my, in my hubris, I thought, it hasn't ruined the crab cakes. I'll make them anyway. Take a bite of the crab cake, salty. And by the way, you know what sucks? I nailed all the consist, and I did it healthy, right?

• 21:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:34Stavros Halkias?

  There was no mayo, there was no breadcrumbs. I did it with eggs and like a little bit of panko and. I got it to go just right. The consistency tasted like a real crab cake. The salty, but I nailed everything but the salt. Yeah. And it was like a healthy meal that felt like a treat. Yep. I probably was more annoyed that day. Exactly. Than like a guy who lost his wife in a fire in 1840. Exactly. Yeah, you're right, dude. You're right. We have gone too far with like what is considered a tragedy. Yeah, I love you sticking to the roots, though. Baltimore crab cake guy. That's great. Well, I'm trying to eat healthy. I'm trying to get ready for this tour. Crab meat, incredible macros. Love crab meat. It's very expensive. That's the one thing about being rich. I get to just do shit like, you know,

• 22:19Stavros Halkias?

  it's like a little tub that in the, you know, back in the day, it's like. It's like nineteen dollars or something. No, it's like more, dude. It's like fucking twenty five, yeah, thirty bucks, whatever. And I'll just fucking smash a third of that. Woo, that's so good. It's so good. You eat it with a fork. Yeah, you eat it with a fork. Very high protein, very low calorie. I'm trying to keep my protein up. About to hit the fucking, well, we're on the road. This is recorded a little ahead of time, folks. We're in the midst of the Dreamboat Tour now. Come see me. Hopefully I haven't fallen off the wagon. Hopefully Eldis isn't shaking me awake in my bunk. There's a bunch of fucking Snickers wrappers, Vicodin around me. He relapsed.

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  Turned his head sideways.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  I pass you a weed pen at seven forty-five in the morning after we had a speed bump.

• 23:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're like, you need your rest, Stav. You need your rest. The people, this half-filled theater in Bakersfield isn't gonna entertain itself. Yeah, I don't know why I made you put Bakersfield. I cannot sell a fucking ticket to sell my life. If you're some of the white trash that lives in Bakersfield, come on out. We're gonna raffle off one of those Cookie Monster hats and a month's worth supply of White Monster.

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's how we're gonna get the people of Bakersfield out there.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Free corn CDs for everyone who buys a ticket to Bakersfield.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Free orange crocs coming your way.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  The wrong town burned.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but yeah, no, but I do like, I, you know, I keep it, I, there is a soft spot. I feel like the older, you know, the general hypothesis I have is like, when you're young, you want to get as far away as possible from where you came from. And then, this is the bege- I mean, look, I'm not dying, but this is the beginning of no realizing, you did what you could. You can't, what am I gonna fucking like, try and become better forever?

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  I made, I did better than anyone in my family ever has.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  You're doing great.

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  I like Baltimore enough, I'm not gonna, you know, I like New York too, but, so it's like, I'm kinda returning to my roots a little bit where it's like, go back to Baltimore a little bit, make a crab cake.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 24:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Yeah, my family's there. I'd like, I used to have this, this fantasy of moving my whole family to New York, that's never gonna fucking happen.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  A little buffer is good, I think, too.

• 24:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Also, talk about how well you're doing, for a test tube baby, you should be like the poster child. You're killing it.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  Also, I love the idea of you in a test tube, like a tiny Hawaiian shirt with gl- brown glasses.

• 24:54Stavros Halkias?

  Just mashed into it. A doctor, we couldn't have gotten a bigger test tube?

• 25:00Speaker 02

  Oh, there's Stavros.

• 25:02Stavros Halkias?

  Louise Brown, some British bitch, was the first one in 1978, apparently.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 25:07Stavros Halkias?

  According to Eldis.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 25:09Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's bullshit. So, a friend, I grew up with another test tube baby who claimed he was the first batch.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 25:15Stavros Halkias?

  And that was 10 years after this lady.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Your story's getting thinner and thinner, man.

• 25:18Stavros Halkias?

  I thought I was in the second batch in Amer- well, maybe I was in America, actually, but no, if the fucking British can do it, we can fucking do it.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 25:26Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck you, you limey pricks. Yeah. So, that, yeah, so you're really in the throes of it, but what about the like, uh, you know, the crushing pressure of another human life depending on you?

• 25:40Speaker 02

  It's hard, man. It's hard. It's scary.

• 25:43Stavros Halkias?

  For you of all people?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 25:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of all the people in my life I know who I'm like, they're not built for that.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  But here, look, this is how I agree, but what I think is crackheads and retards have kids. So that's a good thing. That keeps it going through the day.

• 25:58Stavros Halkias?

  Nice baseline.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:59Stavros Halkias?

  Nice baseline.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  The hardest part of it, you know, the shitting, the screaming, the no sleep, but the hardest part is waking up in the morning. Cause you get like, oh, I got a couple hours sleep. I feel pretty good. And then wah, and you're like, oh, we're doing this all again. Oh my God, it's Groundhog Day. You know, when you just like wanna lay there for 30 more minutes. Oh, I got a couple more winks. That shit's over and you're just back in boot camp.

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  It's like living with a celebrity. I'm like J Lo's assistant. She's cranky. She wants to eat. I gotta get the right outfit. Is she cold? You know, so it's fucking hard, but uh, boy, when that thing's sleeping on your chest with his butt, you're patting it and you can hear his little snorting.

• 26:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  It's pretty fucking great. So that part is nice, but just the, you know what? You know, we're walking down the street, me and the wife with the stroller and you see younger people walk by you and they kinda have that like, ooh, sucks for this guy.

• 26:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  I remember being that guy. Now I'm the stroller douche. You know, I'm the guy like, oh, I got the bottle down here. I got the Pampers over here and uh, we went to a brewery, had a couple of drinks at the beer, at the beer garden, but then there's like, young people screaming. We're like, we gotta go. It's too loud and you're that guy now. I'm looking for schools, which sucks that I'm not allowed near them. You know, it's uh, it's hard, but it's a shift.

• 27:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, but that is good. I mean, that's, you should be that guy.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  Cause what are the alternatives?

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Hey, yeah, exactly.

• 27:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's the thing that's, that's, that's the crushing reality that I'm faced with now where I'm like, you know, I mean, I like, obviously being an uncle is not anywhere near being a dad.

• 27:32Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 27:32Stavros Halkias?

  But it is the thing, it's the first time I've ever been like, oh, this is a new person who's like life. I'm gonna be, it's almost like, I used to be like, fuck global warming. I'm not having fucking kids.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 27:45Stavros Halkias?

  And then you realize, well, people you care about will be on earth. You know what I mean? Like, like I, I had this stupid thought of like, if I don't have kids, like, it just ends with me.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:55Stavros Halkias?

  When in reality, it's like, there's so many people younger than you and there's so much shit that you wanna help out. And like, this is like a baby whose life I'm gonna like. You know, help mold or whatever. And then I'm like, alright, uncle's cool, but then just thinking about being a guy who just is perpetually single.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 28:12Stavros Halkias?

  And especially in entertainment, you see it.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Oh, we can name names.

• 28:15Stavros Halkias?

  You could pretend, yeah, yeah. Check out the roast of anyone.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Well, no, you're so true. And people think your life is over, but like, look, Bill Burr is thriving and Chris Rock has a couple of kids.

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  But that's what it's like. It's not only that it's not over. It's like, this is sort of what it's a this is part of it, right? Like, we liked one part of life. I think me, both me and you were like

• 28:41Speaker 02

  We had a great time.

• 28:41Stavros Halkias?

  We had a great twenties through, you know, that twenty, twenty to forty.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Tons of gas, tons of drugs, tons of traveling, tons of success with shows and audiences and TV, whatever.

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  But you can't keep that going for, like, it's also the realization that you can't keep that going forever. And then it's like, well, what are the then it's like, if you can't, you shouldn't want to. And then it's like, being a part of the next generation should be what that next twenty years is.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:08Stavros Halkias?

  Forty to sixty is like, you can be an active, you know, shepherding in a, whoever comes next, help them out.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:15Stavros Halkias?

  And then, you know, sixty, sixty, sixty to seventy, the little twilight of being a useful

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:22Stavros Halkias?

  person, seventy to eighty, like, unless you're Dick Van Dyke who's still tap dancing at fucking a hundred and two years old.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  That's true. Yeah.

• 29:29Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's, you know, then you're fucking old as shit, then, then my plan is to, you know, really just be fat as shit. Like, if you think I'm fat now, I'm gonna have one awesome year of my seventies, just fat as shit in a rocking chair.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:43Stavros Halkias?

  Whittling, eating all the apple pie I want, you know what I mean?

• 29:46Speaker 02

  You just eat like Trump. Just get McDonald's every night and all taco salads.

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  Trump really is like an example, because he didn't drink, he doesn't drink.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 29:54Stavros Halkias?

  He really is an example of like, damn. Maybe I shouldn't drink.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  I know, cause he's still kicking.

• 29:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause he's the least healthy looking, like, he looks like shit and like, yeah, what it's, the worst thing that happened to Trump is that Biden, he doesn't, he can't compare himself to Biden anymore.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 30:09Stavros Halkias?

  Cause he seems fucking senile as shit.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Who, who are we talking? Oh, Trump, yeah.

• 30:13Stavros Halkias?

  Trump now, without the like, Joe Biden was like, the nicest comparison point for anyone losing their mind.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Right, like, look at this guy, I'm doing great.

• 30:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I'm not this guy.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:22Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, okay, well, he's, you know, somewhere in Delaware eating fucking Breyer's vanilla ice cream.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:29Stavros Halkias?

  And being told it's nineteen sixty-eight.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know, so you can't compare yourself to him anymore. And it's like, he looks, his mind is definitely going, but it's like, the fact that he's still even kicking at all.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  I know.

• 30:41Stavros Halkias?

  With like, all the McDonald's and shit.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  I know, it's crazy. But he did, you don't think, uh, making Gaza the Middle Eastern Riviera is a great idea?

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  I think he's just riffing now, he's just saying shit.

• 30:53Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the thing, he's so clearly just riffing and he's doing whatever it takes to get his, he like, I think he likes to be very, he likes being popular, he knows his base. Like, I don't even think, again, the way it's like, he paid for, he's definitely paid for abortion, it's like, does Trump even hate trans people?

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Probably not.

• 31:11Stavros Halkias?

  He prob- he probably has gone to like, drag shows and shit like that.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Oh, he's from New York.

• 31:15Stavros Halkias?

  He's a New York, he's a Queens, New York guy, like, he's definitely racist, he's definitely, he is homophobic, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't, he's, he's more open-minded because he's a New York guy.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 31:25Stavros Halkias?

  And I think all this shit is just like, especially the abortion stuff, it's like, he was, he was a mainstream corporate Democrat.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:32Stavros Halkias?

  For years.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:33Stavros Halkias?

  And then he was just like, you know.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  He's pro-sex work.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He puts, he puts his money where his mouth is on that one.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Is this a crazy statement? Has anyone made this? First blonde president? Give that a go. I'm just saying.

• 31:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  No one has really brought that up. Are there other blondes?

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sure there were back in the day, but we don't have pictures of them.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe you're right.

• 31:55Stavros Halkias?

  Let's forget the South, the, oh, Andrew Jackson apparently was blonde.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  And he was a fucking maniac.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  He was a wild dude.

• 32:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, yeah. So, we got some sandy hair.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  All right, all right, I take it back.

• 32:05Stavros Halkias?

  Strawberry blonde, though. I don't see any pure blondes.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  I mean, Trump is clearly like, dyed.

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Dyed blonde. Okay, Gerald Ford.

• 32:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, but he was bald, he's the only bald guy we had.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, we know, we only know pictures of all these guys from like, late, late.

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  True, sure.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Like, late in life.

• 32:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like George, even George Washington.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  You could tell Andrew Ja- uh, Johnson? Yeah. Probably had some blonde hair.

• 32:27Stavros Halkias?

  Andrew Jackson, you mean?

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Oh, Jackson.

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  Andrew Johnson was after, uh, uh, what's his face got assassinated? Lincoln.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, dumbass, dude. Don't fuck with me. APUS history, bro. APUS history, I got a five on that exam, dude.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Speaking of Biden, you see, he got picked up by CIA?

• 32:45Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  What's that about?

• 32:46Stavros Halkias?

  Just die, you piece of shit.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  What, are you gonna be in a movie? I don't get it.

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  He's probably, probably in some like horrific like doc, self-suck documentary.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

• 32:58Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, it's like, I mean, it's not as embarrassing as fucking Obama making a production company when he left office.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Oh, and he made that Julia Roberts movie.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, so embarrassing, dude.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  Did you guys see Later Daters? It's like a Netflix dating show for older people. It's like produced by Michelle Obama. It's actually pretty awesome.

• 33:16Stavros Halkias?

  So they probably are, damn dude, they really are divorced, huh? They are secretly divorced. Michelle's, Michelle's getting her cock pipeline set up on Netflix.

• 33:27Stavros Halkias?

  The Real Housewives of fucking Washington DC. That would be a great show. Melania and, and Michelle.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Ooh, that would be good.

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  Hillary.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 33:36Stavros Halkias?

  Hillary, Melania, Michelle. Fuck, we just wrote a really shitty sketch.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  That's a great sketch.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  We just, we just wrote fucking, um.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  This is gold. Mad TV, is he still around?

• 33:46Stavros Halkias?

  Let's reboot Mad TV for this one. It would actually be funny if Mad TV did it.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  It is funny that Biden went Hollywood because he was almost replaced by a black woman. He's like the new mermaid. He's the mermaid.

• 33:59Stavros Halkias?

  You should say that. You should say he got canceled. If Biden came out and said he got canceled and that wokeness made them choose a black woman, he would be fucking Trump's VP tomorrow.

• 34:10Stavros Halkias?

  They're kicking me out because they're woke.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  That's pretty good.

• 34:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's not, dude. You just have to fucking mumble and. Sound like you're in pain.

• 34:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, whatever, man. Who fucking cares? But yeah, I mean, are you thinking about like, are you just, is it just day at a time when you have a newborn? But it's like, how far ahead? Do you have like, you know, it doesn't seem like you're the type of guy who wants his son to be a fucking, the quarterback?

• 34:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:38Stavros Halkias?

  But do you have any thoughts about like, have you, when you daydream about what having a kid? Cause you, you, you must be, you can't help it almost.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 34:45Stavros Halkias?

  You have a baby, you start thinking about what's this kid gonna be like?

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:48Stavros Halkias?

  Have you had any like of those initial?

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I, I want him to be a nerd. I want him to be like a book kid. We're doing no phones. We're doing all that.

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  We'll see along that last.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  I know, I know. And he's growing up in Brooklyn, so he's gonna have a lot of diverse friends and see the world and all these resources. So, uh, yeah, hoping for the best, but right now it's day at a time. It's all scheduling. I got a pod, then I got a show, then she's got a pod. And then she's got a friend thing or whatever. So that's, that's where we're at now.

• 35:15Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, this fucking guy's gonna be gripping an iPad so you can do a spot.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's true.

• 35:20Stavros Halkias?

  This kid's gonna be fucking eating, uh, eating fucking tahini at the fucking olive tree.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Here's two girls, one cup. Just hang here. I gotta go do a new bit.

• 35:31Stavros Halkias?

  Give him rice. You just go to the waitress at the fucking cellar, like, just give him a little rice.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Keep an eye on him.

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  They could start having daycare there.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a good point.

• 35:43Stavros Halkias?

  You know, upstairs where the studio used to be?

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 35:46Stavros Halkias?

  WD studio used to be, they have, they do a baby podcast. You, Joe's, you and Joe's sons should just start fucking, you know, Tuesdays with Stories babies.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 35:56Stavros Halkias?

  When they had Muppet Babies? Just set those little cocksuckers up there.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  They got Chris D's kids. We got all agreeers. It's like 74 kids.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's not bad. Half of them are the waitresses.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Two birds.

• 36:11Stavros Halkias?

  True. Yeah. Why, yeah, childcare. Let's get it going.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  That's not bad.

• 36:15Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, nice. A little, nice little nerd, huh? Stay out of trouble.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I want like a nerdy, introverted book kid who likes insects, you know, stuff like that. That's what I'm hoping for.

• 36:27Stavros Halkias?

  Were you, did you have like any fascinations when you were a little ass kid?

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Well, I was obsessed with skateboarding, but before that it was all movies. I was just like such a movie nut.

• 36:36Stavros Halkias?

  Really? Even as a little kid?

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Superheroes too. Superheroes in movies, I loved. I built, I made my own, uh, utility belt. It had like a slingshot in it, some rocks, you know, uh, those little weird popper things you pop on the sidewalk. I had a cape.

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, love that, the cape.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  One time I got pushed off my bike when I was a kid. I got my bike stolen and I had face paint of like superheroes on my cheeks. Like a Batman symbol and a Superman symbol and a cape.

• 37:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  And I was like thirteen, uh, thirty-one.

• 37:08Stavros Halkias?

  Seventeen, yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  And, uh, this, these three kids like roughed me up and took my bike and I ran home crying and I saw the face paint. It made it so much worse.

• 37:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, to steal the bike of a kid in a cape.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 37:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's fucking hilarious. It's brutal, dude.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  It was brutal. It was so embarrassing. Running home, the cape's flapping. You know, the Superman shit is running from the tears.

• 37:33Stavros Halkias?

  Emasculated man.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  But talk about a mark, you know, talk about like a fucking, uh, perfect.

• 37:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean dude, licking their chops. They see you come out there on that huffy.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 37:44Stavros Halkias?

  The huffy flapping in the wind.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  Halt! This is my butt!

• 37:50Stavros Halkias?

  Halt, evil doers!

• 37:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Super marks!

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. And break my fucking slingshot in front of me. Oh, yeah.

• 38:00Stavros Halkias?

  Did you ever try to be a vigilante?

• 38:02Speaker 02

  I tried. I went outside for ten minutes. I heard one, one guy yell, "Faggot!", and I ran inside.

• 38:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  I also, did you ever run away from home? I did that. That lasted about eight minutes.

• 38:14Stavros Halkias?

  I never did. I, I did, I think I went as far as, you know, packing the ba- the little kid bag you pack.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:20Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, you know.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Cookies.

• 38:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, graham crackers.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, a baseball card.

• 38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a Nintendo sixty-four cartridge that you can't put anywhere. You're like, well, when I get, when I get settled down, they'll have a, they'll have an N sixty-four wherever I lay my head.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Kid thinking it's great, then you go out and you get diddled once and you're like, alright, I'm going home.

• 38:41Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you, did you, what did you do? Did you, uh, did you, was it after a fight or something?

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Totally. Big fight with the folks over some bullshit and then I packed a bag and I went outside. And I lived in a pretty rough neighborhood. So it was just like, you heard glass break, you heard a baby crying. You're like, I'm out. There's a stray dog.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  You just walked a little bit, basically, and came back?

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I love, I love the videos of a baby, like, of parents clearly calling a baby's bluff. You're like, oh, okay, I guess you, I guess you're running away then. All right, see ya. Then they get out to the stairs and start crying.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 39:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  You ever watch those Jimmy Kimmel candy videos back in the day?

• 39:21Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  Oh, man, they're so dark. It's like, uh, Halloween, the next day, the parents hide the candy. And they go, oh, we ate it all. And the kids are like, what the fuck? Oh my god. It's like you with a crab cake salt.

• 39:37Stavros Halkias?

  You betray, yeah, it's literally, I do, I have seen those videos. And it is weird, because it is like, you're betraying the trust of your children to get on television.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Exactly. It's pretty gross.

• 39:48Stavros Halkias?

  What's the point of this, man?

• 39:49Speaker 02

  I know.

• 39:50Stavros Halkias?

  Or even like, okay, do it. Even mess with your kid.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  Be like, I ate all your candy. Even get him worked up and then be like, here you go, buddy. But these kids are looking and staring down the barrel of a camera.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  I know.

• 40:03Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, and there is just, you can't help but learn the lesson that like, A, your parents are manipulating you for, you know, for click, whatever. But also that like, doing that is good, or it has value.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 40:18Stavros Halkias?

  You're teaching a kid that like, showing intense emotion, or tricking someone else, or betraying a loved one on camera, has inherent value. And that's so fucked up to do.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  And then you wonder why they go on OnlyFans in ten years.

• 40:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Oh, I just, I thought cameras were everything.

• 40:35Stavros Halkias?

  I would rather do that. I'd rather my fucking kid, I'd rather, you know, my nephew be on OnlyFans, make a, make himself a nice buck. Buy us a house, you know? Um, no, that is, it is, it is hilarious to, that, that shit was so weird. Um, but I will say, that is one thing with, with the baby. It's like, you know, my brother obviously is, uh, um, obsessed with taking pictures of his kid. You can't help it. It's like your fucking baby.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Sure, sure.

• 40:59Stavros Halkias?

  Take pictures of him. But it's like, This little motherfucker is looking at the camera.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  I know.

• 41:04Stavros Halkias?

  Posing.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:05Stavros Halkias?

  He's like seven mon- seven days old. And he's got like a nice, like he knows.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  He knows he's got like a blue steel.

• 41:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he truly like he's like, he's, I mean.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Oh, come on, there's no way he knows.

• 41:17Stavros Halkias?

  I he don't, but I just mean like he doesn't know, cause he doesn't know anything.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 41:20Stavros Halkias?

  But it's like that I am a little worried about the like. A bit, cause it's like, look, whatever, he's so, he's brand new, he doesn't know shit. But like, you know, I have friends who have a two year old and this fucking guy like. They all know, dude, they all know, they all like are very cognizant of how they look on camera.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Well, where are you at on the public figure? Cause like, look, if uh some rando wants to show their family on Instagram, I get it, but where are you at on like? A famous person showing their kid.

• 41:50Stavros Halkias?

  Should, I don't think you should.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  I don't think you should either, like it's your kid, but they didn't say yes to that.

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent, a hundred percent. And also this with all these things, the thing I'm always, the thing I'm always looking at is like. Who are the guys who uh own these things, know what it does to people? What are they doing? And it's like Zuckerberg's never showed his kid's face.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 42:10Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like Zuckerberg, by the way, doesn't show his kid's face.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Won't let him use Facebook.

• 42:13Stavros Halkias?

  Won't let him, it's like, what is that? Come on, like how?

• 42:16Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 42:17Stavros Halkias?

  Clear is this guys.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Exactly, exactly.

• 42:19Stavros Halkias?

  He bought like a fucking huge farm, he's never around computers.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 42:23Stavros Halkias?

  What do you think? They they're poisoning like.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:26Stavros Halkias?

  In ten, in like twenty years, if all goes well, Zuckerberg is in jail for what he's done to us, you know what I mean? Like these people are all behind bars for this shit and for, for now, it's like. Have some delicious meat that no one has ever.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 42:40Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, it's like pre USDA, we're all eating fucking canned meat and getting botulism.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:45Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, were the fucking rich guys that had those factories ever eating their own thing?

• 42:50Speaker 02

  No, Chan, I mean, the Sackler family isn't taking fentanyl.

• 42:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, that talk about a family should be executed.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Oh, the worst, the worst.

• 42:58Stavros Halkias?

  Rounded up.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but, but yeah, I mean, that's, that's kind of what I, that's the. Those are the cues I take are like, are the people in charge of this, how are they behaving? And it's like. They won't fuck, they're not doing it.

• 43:12Speaker 02

  That's a great point.

• 43:13Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking kids, so.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  Steve Jobs wouldn't allow an iPad around his kids. And that's a true thing, it's like, what are we doing here?

• 43:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, you meet an iPad kid and you're like, yeah.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:24Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucked up. You meet it now, at this point, like a twenty-four-year-old, who was like the first generation of like babies with iPads and shit.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, you know.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  It's different.

• 43:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it's crazy. It's like, they can't be for once, like, I definitely have my stretches where I cannot, where I have to be listening to something, or like, you know, you had the joke about your thoughts.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:45Stavros Halkias?

  You know, forgetting your headphones, because it's like you have to be around your own thought, you know, thoughts aren't good. Uh, and I definitely get that way, but I feel, sometimes I think like, these kids do not have an internal monologue.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I think it goes beyond, like, they're just escaping it, and it's just like, they're just fucking constantly plugging something in there.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  To the point where maybe they just do sort of, like, I feel like, I don't know, this generation might just, the way like, it's scary to think about, um, you know, ha- having a fucking chip in my head for me. How many generations are we away from a kid being like, oh, nice, my phone could just be in my head, sick?

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, that's coming, for sure.

• 44:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's probably pretty soon.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  There's people our age or older who probably want that.

• 44:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but they're dork tryhards. I mean, like, kids who just like, the phone is just their way, how they live.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:33Stavros Halkias?

  These guys are like, I'm gonna be, they're like that guy who's trying to live forever by, you know, see how hard his son's dick gets. Like, they're just pretending they're like, you know, part of the few, the, the, the cutting edge, they're visionaries. Whereas I mean, like, regular motherfuckers that have no concept philosophically of technology, it's just like, it's gone so far beyond that, it just seeps into their, like, way of thinking.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Yes, yes. Well, I mean, if you asked a nineteen-year-old kid now to take a shit without his phone, he would, you'd be like, hello, you in there? He'd just be, wrist would be slit. Because it's your own thoughts, they can't do it.

• 45:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  Also, phones are the only invention where I hear people say, I'm glad I grew up before that.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  So it's like, we're obsessed with it, I can't leave the house without it, but I'm also like, thank God it wasn't around when I was a kid, which is such a weird, we don't do that with penicillin. Like, oh, thank God, I was born before this life-saving pill.

• 45:26Stavros Halkias?

  Antibiotics.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, um, I don't know, man. I I am a technology skeptic, obviously, but I use it as much as anyone. I dream of becoming a a Luddite. I dream of like, no phone.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  But the the FOMO, you're like, what am I missing? Am I gonna sell any tickets? Cause it's really a work thing for us, or for me, anyway.

• 45:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's the way in. And then you're like, fuck, I have to check. And then it's like, oh, nice, a lady with huge tits is on a trampoline.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 45:54Stavros Halkias?

  And then it's like, oh, whoa, another lady with huge tits. Oh, this one's stretching.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 45:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, a big ass burger. Nice.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  Four A I. Japanese MILFs with double left titties.

• 46:04Stavros Halkias?

  I can't do A I. I can't. The A I. Doesn't make my dick hard. It pisses me off, actually.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Getting good, but I still can tell. And it's I like a C-section scar. I like the, you know, the the the cellulite. I want a little imperfection.

• 46:17Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. A little fucked up tooth.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Yes, yes. Bad tattoo.

• 46:22Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. The bad tattoos crucial.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  That's hot.

• 46:25Stavros Halkias?

  Crucial. If you have good tattoos, nothing but good tattoos, that's crazy. I mean, that's doesn't really happen that often, but you got some bullshit.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I hooked up with a girl. She had a horrible, bad, uh, a wily coyote on the side. And you're like, you are dumb. You're like, you're a retard for doing that. But it was hot because it was so dumb. You make mistakes.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. No, I love I love dumb tattoos.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:51Stavros Halkias?

  I love dumb tattoos. I love dumb hair. Um, I like looking stupid. Looking stupid, but be but still looking cool.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's true. It's fun for me, you know? I mean, that is, I'm one of those people. You know, like, I look dumb as shit for most people, but it's like.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  This is a beauty.

• 47:07Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  And and hey, but congratulations, but movie. You got the movie on Hulu. That's fucking huge. You're a movie guy.

• 47:14Stavros Halkias?

  We did good.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  You're Harvey.

• 47:17Stavros Halkias?

  No Weinstein, folks. I'm not a rapist and my dick is small, but it's not fucked up and shredded or whatever.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:24Stavros Halkias?

  He had like a weird. He had a dick, a pig's dick.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:27Stavros Halkias?

  He was raping with a fucking cork, like a.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Corkscrew.

• 47:30Stavros Halkias?

  With a corkscrew fucking pig's tail. That's fucked up, dude. To have a mangled cock.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  I know.

• 47:37Stavros Halkias?

  It's just like, and be like, yeah, this is how much of a monster I am. It's like, what is this? It's just purely to destroy someone, you fucking piece of shit.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Apparently Epstein, Hitler, Harvey, yeah, they're all fucked up dicks.

• 47:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Epstein's dick was like a little an egg shaped.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  Egg shaped, yeah. It's crazy.

• 47:56Stavros Halkias?

  That is fucking hilarious that multiple people described his dick as egg shaped.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:03Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, the Hitler thing is that true? Is his micro dick? Well, I guess we'll never fully know.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Well, that and a one ball.

• 48:10Stavros Halkias?

  One ball?

• 48:10Speaker 02

  He had one ball, yeah.

• 48:11Stavros Halkias?

  He'd get shot off?

• 48:13Speaker 02

  I think he was born with a defect.

• 48:14Stavros Halkias?

  Born with, now was it one fat nut or one little nut?

• 48:17Speaker 02

  I think it was a little nut.

• 48:18Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, because one, you know, big fat balls, not bad.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  Undescended, that's what it was.

• 48:23Stavros Halkias?

  Undescended, so one of his nuts was still up in his guts.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Whoa, you see, that's, you need, it's like Kevin Hart. You need like the, you have this, uh, I don't want to say ailment.

• 48:32Stavros Halkias?

  Hitler's like, Hitler's like Kevin Hart. Continue.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  They both work really hard.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  But like Kevin Hart is five foot one or whatever, so he's like, I gotta push it and work, that's how I overcompensate.

• 48:47Stavros Halkias?

  He does have a huge penis, though.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  He does have a huge dog, I heard. But I'm saying he's four foot eight or whatever, where same with Rogan. Rogan's got an empire, he's four foot two. Hitler's got one ball, Epstein's got egg dick, you gotta overcompensate.

• 49:01Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, all right. Interesting. So when we're growing our, when we're growing our, um, our little clones in the vats, they gotta have nice cocks.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:10Stavros Halkias?

  You know, they gotta be handsome idiots.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 49:13Stavros Halkias?

  Because we can't have little fucked up guys.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:16Stavros Halkias?

  We can't have a clone Hitler coming back and putting all the non-clones. Doing a non-clone Holocaust. We cannot have that.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's good to know.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:26Stavros Halkias?

  All right.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  You know, and to go a step further, I noticed a lot of famous people were molested. So I think maybe a molestation, I'm not, I'm not advocating, but I think it does propel you to work harder, because you got your running for something.

• 49:40Stavros Halkias?

  I'd like to see the statistics on that.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Oprah, Tyler Perry, Michael Jackson was beaten.

• 49:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:47Speaker 02

  Any kind of childhood trauma will either push you into murder or entertainment.

• 49:52Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, I guess that's the important part is like, uh, let's see the percentages of, of like superstars and guys who shot, uh, uh, 711 clerk. Because they were trying to, you know, get the, the raw ingredients for meth.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:08Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but you know.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  That's the great thing about pedophilia is a lot of them were diddled, isn't it? It's like, it's like a vampire.

• 50:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  You make one by, by fucking with it, you know?

• 50:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that's why I think it all does go back to when the world was so fucked up.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:23Stavros Halkias?

  That they were, everyone was a monster.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Everyone was a monster.

• 50:26Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone, like, like a good, like, you watch a period piece, a movie, whatever, it's like, travel was dangerous because without the like, the, the delicate balance of a town where everybody sort of kept tabs on everybody else.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:41Stavros Halkias?

  If you were just on a road alone, it's like, oh yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 02

  Good point.

• 50:45Stavros Halkias?

  60% chance someone will fucking murder you or fuck you or.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Of course. You have a horse, you have supplies, I need, you have a gun, I need that gun, I'll kill you.

• 50:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, you just expect violence when you travel.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  100%.

• 50:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, just, that's how little the hu, like humanity existed, or how little, how little we like respected each other, where it's like, yeah, we're breaking, to, to make a world free of all that shit, that takes a lot of untangling.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  It really does, and I, I, I'm not a religious guy, but I think it helps back then. You're like, thou shalt not kill, you made a list of rules, and then you're, you're dumb and you think there's a guy upstairs who's gonna, you know, put you in pearly gates or put you in hell, so you're like, alright, I'll follow the rules, I won't kill, I won't steal, I won't fuck my neighbor's oxen, or whatever it was.

• 51:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I do think it was probably important to keep society kind of flow, just the fear of, uh, something even worse than your hellish existence.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  Because it's like, none of their lives were good.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  No, god no.

• 51:40Stavros Halkias?

  Um, it's very interesting, well, I think it is time to take some of your newfound wisdom as a father.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 51:45Stavros Halkias?

  And, and apply it to our dear friends here at, uh, calling in from Stav, for, uh, Stav's World, so, Ellis, what do you have, uh, for our wise friend Mark?

• 51:59Stavros Halkias?

  Grab a pack, grab your friends, everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works Chicago, Illinois.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Start your morning with the $6.00 Mcgriddle's Extra Value Meal. Featuring your choice of a sausage, egg and cheese Mcgriddle's or bacon, egg and cheese Mcgriddle's. Plus crispy hash browns and a small premium roast coffee. Sweet, savory, crispy, and caffeinated. It's everything your morning ordered, all for just $6.00. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing at participating McDonald's.

• 52:35Speaker 04

  Hi Stav, um, I love your show.

• 52:38Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 52:39Speaker 04

  So I recently have started seeing somebody. He's a man.

• 52:44Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Um, and I kinda knew him beforehand. He's kind of a, unfortunately a gym bro.

• 52:51Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Which is fine. Um, but I just recently found out that he is on Tran.

• 52:59Stavros Halkias?

  Tran?

• 52:59Speaker 04

  And steroids as well as testosterone. Um, is it true that

• 53:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh geez.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  And bodybuilders get physically violent?

• 53:10Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  I'm trying to figure that out.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh fuck.

• 53:13Speaker 04

  Wonderful. Um, I have no issues with him so far. We mesh very well. But it's just, um, the gym bro, he is a gym bro. I don't know if I'm supposed to tell him to not do that or if I'm like overstating

• 53:29Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  Sounds to say, hey, don't do steroids. But, um, very short. Uh, I don't really know what to say other than I love you and I love your show and hopefully am going to see you uh, when you go on tour.

• 53:44Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  By the way, I think she said, hey Stav, and it translated to hot dog.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  I know. It's, Google Voice transcription cannot figure out Stav or Eldis to save his life.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  Okay, well that's why I'm not worried about AI.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  Pizza Rose, or is that even like? Um, so, okay, this is interesting. So the person she's dating is on fucking, is on gear, basically.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 54:08Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you know. Can you tell him to stop is kinda crazy. Yeah. This is how you met the guy. Mm-hmm. It's also, you're not, it sounds like you just started, she said recently started seeing somebody. And I guess it's the kinda thing where, uh, you know, if not, if, if you don't, which by the way, if this guy's doing things the right way, you know, a lot of these gym bros these days actually do know how to do this correctly, like it's kind of a crazy. That's true. I think it is a little nuts. I mean, obviously I'm unhealthy, right? I know that, but, um, body built, like guys who take a ton of steroids and keep a ton of muscle, like that's not healthy for you either. Mmm.

• 54:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like they, they do it to look cool, cause they're chasing being jacked and they're essentially trading a little bit of their future health. Mmm. For, you know, and unless you do it in a very smart way, it can be really bad for you. Yeah. Um, and so I think as long as nothing bad is happening, right? Like, the fact she's even like, do these guys get violent? We'll see in a cute way. Right. That scares me a little bit. I hope you, I hope you don't find out. Yeah. Or I hope you find out when he like, you know, punched a hole through a wall, cause he lost an Xbox game and then, and then you know to break up with him. Right. Um, but, um, you know, the way I think you approach it is just like, this, this is who he was.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  Same thing as like if he smoked weed or he fucking, or if, even like if I was, if I was dating somebody, for example, and they knew I was fat as shit, and within a month, they're like, how about some salads? I'd be like. Ah, good point. Fuck you bitch. Yeah. It's like, what are you, what are you, out of your fucking mind? You knew who I was? Yeah, exactly. You knew who the fuck I am. It'd be different if she was like, hey, you know, how do you feel? Or like, it's different if you wanna talk to him about him and understand, like if somebody came up to me and was like, how do you feel about, do you feel, cause there were times in my life where I was just, I was just getting fucked up, having a good ass time, not thinking, but there were other times in my life where I would have welcomed someone to be like, what's going on with you? Had it's like, are you feeling okay? Like, Sure.

• 56:12Stavros Halkias?

  Like, is everything okay? And if it was somebody I loved, then just, and she just really wanted to be like, do you like getting this fucked up? Sometimes that can help, so maybe you could just talk to him about like what. Like, oh, are you bodybuild? Like, what is, even to just understand him as a person.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 56:29Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it is weird. If you're not a competing bodybuilder and you're just like, you just have that level of body dysmorphia where you wanna be jacked for no reason? And there are possible health negatives and it's probably expensive. Like, what are you trying to get out of this?

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's something I'm, I would be curious.

• 56:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:48Stavros Halkias?

  Like, and maybe it's just an expensive habit for him. Maybe instead of fucking building Legos, he likes building his fucking biceps or whatever. But I think you talked him for that. And as long as there's no negatives to you, the only thing I could think of is, you know, being worried about his health, which could potentially, could potentially happen if he's not doing things the right way.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  And I think she could broach that. And uh, cause that's kind of a coming from a place of compassion. Hey, I'm worried about your health. Just wanna make sure you know what you're doing, but that's probably when she'll get hit.

• 57:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  So then, then you can gauge, okay, I guess he is violent. Then you get out. So that's the perfect, perfect solution.

• 57:24Stavros Halkias?

  Here's what you do. You take him, you go, uh, you say, I have a fun activity. We're gonna go, um, uh, do one of those jackass stunts where we, where we get away from a, a police dog. And you're both wearing that giant protective, you're wearing that giant protective suit.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:40Stavros Halkias?

  And then that's when you tell him not to do steroids. Cause then, you know, you could take, you could take a punch or two.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 57:46Stavros Halkias?

  Should you, if you're wearing that giant suit.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I do take a little umbrage with the, uh, hey, this guy's a gym bro, blah, blah. I'm like, you probably liked the muscles that he had out of the gate. You're like, who's this guy at the bar? Or whatever it was.

• 57:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  So that is a little tough with like, he's a gym bro, blah, blah. We're like, you like the muscle. It's like a guy going, ah, this chick, uh, she, she's on the treadmill all day, but you also don't want a fat girl.

• 58:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  So there is a little of that, but I think.

• 58:11Stavros Halkias?

  Or the like, oh, she does OnlyFans. It's like, you like those big fat tits.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  That too.

• 58:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 58:16Speaker 02

  Perfect example.

• 58:17Stavros Halkias?

  It, it is, there is, that's possi-, it could be a little hypocrisy.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Can't have it both ways.

• 58:21Stavros Halkias?

  It, I do think there is something to, we are attracted to people when we don't know that much about them.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  Ah, good point.

• 58:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're right. It's probably hot that she probably liked how jacked this guy was, but yeah. That fucking guy that's jacked is. Different from like, uh, wanting to go out to dinner and he's like, oh, but I cooked, um, boiled chicken and broccoli for the whole week.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  I need my protein.

• 58:42Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, that's, that's different. So, you know, you have to think about, are you, is this, she seems fine with it though. I think she's more just worried about the,

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Violence.

• 58:53Stavros Halkias?

  The potential violence.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Which is fair.

• 58:55Stavros Halkias?

  Which is very fair, I think.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  I do think the, like, you can be jacked, you can hit the gym and not do steroids or tran, whatever the fuck that is.

• 59:03Stavros Halkias?

  Tran, tran.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  Tran.

• 59:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  And still be jacked, by the way. So I, I don't know if he needs the roids.

• 59:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Unless you're, you're not in the NFL.

• 59:10Stavros Halkias?

  But that's what I mean is like, why, that, that, there is a huge, there is like definitely a, something going around the internet where there's these guys that like, want to look awesome just for pure vanity, like,

• 59:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:22Stavros Halkias?

  And it's not, it used to be you wanted to fuck girls.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 59:24Stavros Halkias?

  These guys don't even want that.

• 59:26Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 59:26Stavros Halkias?

  They want attention from other guys, honestly.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent.

• 59:30Stavros Halkias?

  It's like this weird thing and some of them are just like, some of them do so, like, are so lean and whatever, and are so jacked that it fucks up their sex drive. Or some of these, some of this like, some of these steroids and shit fuck up their sex drive. These guys literally are becoming like these, this army of turbo incels. And it just doesn't make, it's, they're, they're not even incel, they're vol cell, but it's like, so it's, it's fascinating and I, I would be curious to get a more of an understa- if I were her, to get more of an understanding as to why he even does that. Cause we're like, yeah, what are you doing this for?

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, you got the girl.

• 1:00:04Stavros Halkias?

  You got the girl. Are you competing? Are you whatever? Like, you know, maybe he does want to do that. Plenty of people want to do like, you know, if he wants to be a amateur bodybuilder, okay, whatever. But yeah, figure it out, keep it, you know, but, the people we love are always gonna have these weird little, um, you know, come, uh, they're gonna, they're gonna belong to weird little subcultures and by the way, some gym bros can be toxic, but a lot of them are the nicest guys of all time.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, they get it out in the gym sometimes.

• 1:00:31Stavros Halkias?

  Some of them are just like nice nerds that a lot of, a lot of the most jacked guys are just kinda like, nice nerds, dude, for real. Truly, that just are, happen to be jacked.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:00:40Stavros Halkias?

  So, you know, these guys don't have to be, this, this guy doesn't have to be, it seems like he like. So anyway, hopefully I see you and your muscle bound boyfriend at the whatever show on the Dreamboat Tour.

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  Here, here.

• 1:00:52Stavros Halkias?

  Anything you want to plug here, by the way, Mark, in the middle of the show?

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I'm doing the Ryman Theater at Nashville, big, big moment. That's in April.

• 1:00:59Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, we'll try and get this out. Let us know when, we'll try and time it.

• 1:01:02Speaker 02

  April 3rd.

• 1:01:03Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, we'll try and time it for that.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  All right, no pressure, but yeah, all the dates are on Punch Up or MarkDormicomic.com, and we got We Might Be Drunk, which Stav has been on, we got Two Super Stories, which Stav has been on, so yeah, we got pods, we got tickets to sell, and yeah, queef it up, and check out Pace the Stage, Sal Akkus and I have made a little bullshit show, and we'd love you to see it, and yeah.

• 1:01:24Stavros Halkias?

  Are you doing those regularly?

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're gonna do one with a new comic every show, so I did the first one, then we have Michelle Wolf in the second, and I think it's Ronnie Chang, and then from there on.

• 1:01:33Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome, yeah. Check that out, go see Mark at the Ryman, see me at the Ryman, I think I'm there probably a few, when am I at the Ryman, when are we in Nashville? Do you know? Nice, fuck you.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  Ah, right.

• 1:01:46Stavros Halkias?

  Um, all right, well, fuck it, let's, uh, let's do another fucking call.

• 1:01:51Speaker 05

  Hey, Stav, um, so I'm just calling in because I'm, so I'm a teaching assistant for a professor at my, like, art college.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:02:02Speaker 05

  I don't want to tell you, like, too many details, I'm, I'm pretty sure that I've got some people in these classes that are watching the show, and like, why wouldn't I, the show fucking rules.

• 1:02:11Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:02:12Speaker 05

  But, um, yeah, I like work for this professor, but like, lately, he's kind of been, um, spending a lot of time trying to woo the married, like, other person that's working in the art department, and it takes up all of his time, he like, is never there for any of the, like, supervisor meetings, like, he's just completely blowing off his classes to like, try to like, fuck this married girl.

• 1:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this for a second.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  And it's like, it drives me up the-

• 1:02:43Stavros Halkias?

  Um, that's, Alex, and we'll get back to your actual question, but I am shocked he's not fucking a student.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  Oh, good point.

• 1:02:49Stavros Halkias?

  Art professor.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  Good point, this guy's a hero.

• 1:02:52Stavros Halkias?

  Art professor, uh, you know, it's like, for sure, I thought this was, he's fucking students, and how do I stop this? So, you know, it's not good, he's still trying to coax someone into committing adultery, but just let's keep it going.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Good point.

• 1:03:05Speaker 05

  Married girl. And it's like, it drives me up the fucking wall because like- He does shit like have her have her like pick him up and like drop him back off like really late at night by the Spoke to a CBO and I'm just like, what are you doing, man? And why do I have to fucking see it, you know?

• 1:03:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Speaker 05

  And like, why is it eating in so much into you trying to help me, you know? It's it's just like, it really pisses me off. I don't really know what to do about it. And it's just like, it just bothers me a lot. And sometimes I'll call him on it. I will. I'll be like, um,

• 1:03:41Speaker 05

  I'll be like, wow, you're spending a lot of time with this person. I wonder what's going on there. Like, oh, you have another little rendezvous last night? And he gets really defensive and like upset in a way that a guilty person would be. So, yeah, I don't know. What the fuck do I do if like the professor I work work for is having an affair with someone to the point where he can't do his fucking job? And I'm having to like pick up all the pieces for him because like both him and the woman he's having an affair with are both my professors. So it's like, I just, I feel really stuck. I feel really annoyed. I feel very grossed out and betrayed in some ways.

• 1:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's on you.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  It's like, I don't know, his work that I initially cared about a lot, he hasn't seemed to really give a fuck about anymore.

• 1:04:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, damn. These are important. These are honestly very important lessons for you to learn. This is what the world's like. I mean, it's the most cliched, don't meet your hero. You are in one of the most cliched, don't meet your heroes. We're all, you know, we're low level artists, but we're artists, you know? And it is, and you know, you meet people who you did, maybe you looked up to something or you and you you find out. And this happens to me too, where it's like, I mean, I've definitely made stuff that really matters to people that I didn't care about. Right, right. Or like the things people latch on to. You have, when you create something, you put it out into the world and it's like,

• 1:05:07Stavros Halkias?

  people have experiences with it. They attach meaning to it and you're somebody who's being shaken of like, Kind of youthful delusion in the real, like in real time.

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  Good point.

• 1:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  And this guy, and this is by the way, what artists are like and.

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:22Stavros Halkias?

  College professors and artists. You want people who are, I can't think of two like adults to behave like children more. You know, it's like you just are allowed to be, especially as an artist who has some. If you have some success, you get away with acting like a fucking asshole.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  Right. Look at Kanye.

• 1:05:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  You know, the guy's wife is naked.

• 1:05:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think we're past him getting away with it. But yeah, it's sad as fuck. I mean, that's that, you're right though. I mean. Yeah, 10 years ago, Kanye West was like an artist I admired.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:05:56Stavros Halkias?

  The most like one of my favorite artists of all time. And now it's like. Brutal what's going on.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Stavros Halkias?

  Brutal. And it's like part of that's mental illness, obviously, but that goes hand in hand. But being selfish, you know, hyper focused on certain things like. That's kind of how you create good art. He might just be hyper focused on getting slurped off by this lady.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:06:19Stavros Halkias?

  And here's the other reality is like, yeah, this is what happens to people who. Work under powerful people. You spend a lot, you think it's gonna be in a perfect world. They're good leaders that set you up for success, but more often than not shit flows downhill. Um, you know, it's like you, a lot of, a lot of what working for someone is, is picking up the pieces. And it sucks that you have to realize this and this is really fucking brutal, but I would just say. Kind of use this to your advantage. You could like. You might be able to get something out of being the person who helps him through having an affair instead of like. There's no justice in the world, so let's start there. The idea that you like something will happen and he will be brought to justice and like, you know.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  He might, he might get caught. I mean, it tend, it usually happens.

• 1:07:09Stavros Halkias?

  He, okay, he gets caught, right? But, but our friend who's calling in here. She's at school now, right? She's a TA for him. Is that what's going on? So it's like he, he might get caught in a couple of years. She'll be out of school, like her, her experience is just right now.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like that's the reality, even justice when it's served, doesn't fix going through something fucked up. So you're somebody who's like a collateral damage victim of something that's fucked up. Never, it's not gonna change and to, to, to her credit. She seems to sort of understand that, right? She's not asking, she's just kinda like exasperated. She doesn't have like any, right, like I, I, I've read her-

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  She seems to be taking it pretty personally. She's like, "It's really fucked up, it bothers me, I'm ashamed for him and grossed out." So, I think this lady's got a, I think she looked up to this writer, professor guy, so maybe she's gotta detach a little.

• 1:08:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  And to piggyback off your point, I do think people, artists are fucked up, obviously, but we prop artists up. We're, we're acting like plumbers and guys who drive bread trucks aren't fucking around on their wife, or whatever, so, everybody fucks around on their wife, everybody fucks around on their husband, everybody diddled a kid, everybody drinks on the job, everybody does drugs, everybody steals from the self-checkout.

• 1:08:26Stavros Halkias?

  Every person, yeah.

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  So, we're all fucked up, but we do prop these people, "Oh my god, this guy said this, I looked, he's such a great professor," and you're like, "Nah, he's just like a piece of shit too."

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  He's a guy, he's a guy, and, and, but, and you're right, but this, she's also in the classic, you, I mean, this, this is the most like, finding out how the world works experience I've ever heard of, like, this is an indie movie right here.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 1:08:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, this is a loss of innocence, coming of age story.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  Yes, Julia Stiles.

• 1:08:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and so, and so, I just think, yeah, well, Mark says, sure, it's like, you shouldn't take it personally, right, this guy is just, he's just some fucking guy.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:09:06Stavros Halkias?

  Every artist, no matter how, like, that's, that's another thing where you, we've, you know, we're lucky to have met pretty much every comedian.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's cool, it's cool that this happened to us, but the thing you learn, and we've worked with a lot of great, like, you know, fucking legends, they're all just some guy.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:09:23Stavros Halkias?

  They're all just some guy.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:09:25Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody, some fucking, some lady, some dude, they're all fucking person, and, yeah, you, what's important is you realize, this is not the experience you thought it was gonna be, but you have, but you're still- You're still working for him, right? Working for him is not what it's all cracked up to be, but there's still some prestige. The other thing is, you know this, a lot of the world doesn't know this, right? So the way they look at him hasn't changed. You can still get something out of being a person who worked for him. And also, there might be stuff, like, yes, this is not gonna be the transformative experience with your art and learning under him that you wanted it to be, but there's still stuff to pick up.

• 1:10:06Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and you could also just kind of finesse this to where you're, like, you are sort of a, you kind of cover for, he kind of owes you one, like, that stuff's not bad either. Sure. And I would say, just look at it as if he had a fucking drug problem, or he had, Oh, that's good. Or he was a drunk, or he was just like, whatever, like, This is his vice. Yeah, it's just like, this is a vice that you can't do anything about, and all you can do is, is like, you are gonna pick up the pieces, it's gonna be annoying, you thought, you went into this thinking you were gonna have a great mentor, and it didn't happen, but there will be other mentors. I mean, I remember one time I opened, I won't say who it was, I opened for somebody who I really respected, and, you know,

• 1:10:49Stavros Halkias?

  you're, like, we met when I opened for you back in the day, I kind of like this, I was used to good comics liking me. You know what I mean? I just made friends with good comics, and I started getting cocky and just thinking like, oh, you open for someone, you become friends with them, and then put you on the road, and you know, that's how I met Bobby, Papa, you and Joe, like, that's how I met a lot of my friends now. But I met, I opened for one guy, and I was doing, and I was like, I wanna fucking crush it, I want him to fucking respect me, because good comics respect that. Yeah. And, and I even do, this is how fucking cocky I was, I was like looking, I was on his website looking at like, clubs he was going to soon, and I was like, and I was like literally like, ah, I don't know about this, like, I'm just like, I'm like, it's my choice, you know?

• 1:11:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's great. And I crushed, and I'm like, holy fuck, this guy's gonna fuck, and not only did, and then like, you know, and I'm like, I'm gonna do my best shit, no fucking around, and like, you know, he was cool in the green room, whatever, and then he would like whisper shit in, like, when I was, Cause you know, I was featuring and then I would come off, he'd be standing there and every time he was nice and every in the green room, wherever, in those little interactions where it's just me and him. And there he would be like, mm, same stuff again. Whoa. Like saying shit like that. I think I know what it is now. And and in my head, I was like, I was like, wow, this guy hates me. In hindsight, I think he was just like, I've also been there where it's like, you don't really wanna take a gig. It's Magoob's joke.

• 1:12:19Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. Maybe he hasn't, he's, he's, he's a very successful guy. He was probably working on, he probably wasn't working on, and I've been there too, where I've been rusty on stand up and I'm not sharp. And the last thing I want is like, someone just, I'm hitting the nos button, trying to, trying to crush. Yeah. It was probably annoying to have to follow me and it wasn't like, and artistically, I wasn't trying anything. I wasn't doing, I was just trying to kill, which is what I thought you should do. I would have thought the same thing. You know, and but it turned, some, some, some people don't, so anyway, my point is,

• 1:12:53Stavros Halkias?

  that was fucking weird to me, cause I had done nothing, but I was really lucky and like, you know, some people were fucking rude to me, but they were fucking, they were literally drug at, like, a guy with a coke problem was mean to me, but you know, I knew him too, we later became friends. And I had bad experiences, but this was one where I was like, I respected the guy. Yeah. And that, and he said shit to me in a fucked up way that I couldn't even prove, no one saw it. Right. And in fact, it was insidious, cause he was really nice in person. Yeah. And just a private, kinda like, you know, nobody knows this about this guy. Right, right. You're the one who has to fucking hold this in. And all I can say is like, that was, that sucked for me.

• 1:13:33Stavros Halkias?

  I was lucky where I was like, alright, I'm just gonna like, never see this guy again. But if I had to work for him, I would have just been like, Alright, well it's not what I thought it was gonna be, but I'm sure I can pick some other stuff up, whatever. This sucks, but I can, the point is, you're right to feel annoyed. It's fucking, it sucks, but that's, just get ready for more of this if you're working in the art world, I'll tell you that much. You're not gonna meet artists that cheat less. Successful male artists that don't fuck around.

• 1:14:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:04Stavros Halkias?

  That ain't happening, sister. Um, but, you know, just, just make the best of it. What else can you do? Can you sort of, can you come out on top where he sort of owes you one? You know, whatever. Can you just treat him more of a friend? Like if your friend was fucking around with somebody, you'd be like, I'm still doing that, huh? But you wouldn't like constantly break their balls. They're still your friend, you know?

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  And maybe you can use this thing you don't like about this guy as a way to free yourself from worshiping him a little. Not saying you worship him, but you know, like you look up to him.

• 1:14:37Stavros Halkias?

  And, and to understand that you are, you can do, like, that did help me when you would meet people and it's like, there's nothing inherently that special about this person.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 1:14:47Stavros Halkias?

  That helped me, and I think that should be able to help you too, but good luck, that sucks, you know? Hit us up if you make paintings, I'm trying to buy art now. I'm an art collector, for real.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:14:57Stavros Halkias?

  I will legit like buy a painting from a fan, that sounds kinda cool.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  That is cool.

• 1:15:01Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta, yeah, cuz I, I don't, we could talk about it later, but it's like, I don't like a lot of materialistic shit, but I do love art. So it's the one kinda like thing I wanna buy. I don't wanna buy, you know, fucking Rolexes, I don't wanna buy cars, but, cool art that speaks to me, that is, and then you gotta help an artist.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like that. It's a good investment, too.

• 1:15:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:22Speaker 02

  Uh, you know the Segura story?

• 1:15:24Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  It's similar to yours, so he was opening for David Tell, who was like his hero. And they're hanging out in the green room and, you know, Segura's like, I wanna kill, I wanna love me, and David Tell goes, so what, do you wanna be an actor? And Segura's like, what? What are you talking about? I'm, I'm a comic. And he's like, oh, you just do the same stuff every night. So I figured you just didn't care about this, you're just kinda, and Segura was like, it just ruined him, and then he had Tell on 12 years later.

• 1:15:49Stavros Halkias?

  On his pod, he brought that up and it tells like, I said that? I don't even, I don't know, you're a cop, what are you talking about? So sometimes people can just say fucked up shit to stick with you. Sure. And it tell I had no memory of that at all. Oh, I'm sure, I'm, I'm sure we've all been there where it's like, you just said a comment you didn't even think about. Yeah, yeah. In a green room, cause you're hungover, you're whatever. Right. Um, and you know, I'm sure at the time it tell hated himself, you know what I mean? Like, like there's so much that he probably didn't even mean, you know, that shit just happens. Exactly. I don't know, you know, you're probably right. I, I probably am still reading into it too much, but. I can't wait to hear who it is later. Yeah, I'll tell you.

• 1:16:27Speaker 06

  You know, I called earlier, I was in a titty and I didn't have my question right. So I have a new question for Stav. Stav, you've, you're a man who's gotten some pussy, it seems like you've told some stories and sex.

• 1:16:40Stavros Halkias?

  Seems like fucking.

• 1:16:41Speaker 06

  In my experience of getting a couple of pieces of pussy.

• 1:16:44Stavros Halkias?

  Pieces of pussy.

• 1:16:45Speaker 06

  That there are girls that are comers and there are girls that are not comers.

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:16:49Speaker 06

  And you know, some girls just go crazy, no matter what, like it's, like it's nothing. And then other girls, you could be fucking putting the jackhammer on the pussy and they just, nothing will happen.

• 1:16:58Stavros Halkias?

  The jackhammer.

• 1:16:59Speaker 06

  My question for you, Stav, is if you encounter a girl who's not a comer, how do you make that girl come? Because I really, I really need that as a part of my sexual satisfaction. And apparently the girls that are my type are the non-comers because every time that I hook up with the girl that I mean, I'm kind of like, yeah, whatever about, she just goes crazy on it all the time. But every time I'm with a girl that I'm like, damn, I really like this girl, like she's so cool. Like I want this girl to be my GF, not a comer. And it's just like, I'm, it's not satisfying for me. I need, I need to come in, I need to see, see her freak on.

• 1:17:40Stavros Halkias?

  These girls aren't coming, I'm not satisfied.

• 1:17:42Speaker 06

  Really, it's a tragedy if I'm getting off three times in a night and then the girl next to me is only like 25 times. Like, you know, I also feel like that's some weird manipulation on the girl's part. Like I have way more fucking brain chemistry satisfaction in this interaction than she does. It's, that feels manipulative in a way.

• 1:18:01Stavros Halkias?

  So you're so bad at fucking that girls are manipulating you? I mean, that's a crazy little, that's a crazy little fucking bit of, uh. It's a good spin. Yeah, acrobatics right there.

• 1:18:14Speaker 06

  Communicate with the girls, but even. Usually the relationship doesn't last enough to get to that point where they're like bringing the tools into the sex and stuff.

• 1:18:27Stavros Halkias?

  Tools, that's a funny way to call it vibrator. Bring in the tools and. Your implements, your instruments. Yeah. Um, I mean, well, first of all, I'm gonna say it might be your whole vibe. Hmm. You don't have a vibe that makes me wanna bust a nut.

• 1:18:44Stavros Halkias?

  I don't wanna sit back, relax and nut. Yeah, and nut. And it's bad. I will say if you're, you're coming at it in a net, from a negative point of view here. Hmm. Where it's like, I need to see you come or I won't feel good. It's like, you're putting all that. And I've definitely, you know, as a younger man, I've kinda felt the same way. Oh, yeah. I gotta, you gotta bust. I feel like I owe it to you, whatever. Yes. But that desperation and that pressure is the worst thing. When a girl has a hard time coming, any pressure on her? And your whole vibe is pre, it's like, you know, you're just, you're just fucking banging. You're like, come on. Right. Um, that's number one. I think this weird, and also, how about you see if they have a good time, you know?

• 1:19:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like, some girls are just like, it might take a couple of hookups. It might take them getting comfortable with you. And yeah, some women just do not quit fast and, you know, salute to them. Hallelujah. Um, but also something he said about Jack, they're nutting off jackhammering. Are you eating pussy? Hmm. Cause if you just mean like some girls nut off intercourse, that's true, very nicely. Thank you. Thank you. The end of that one was, it was a little squeaker, dude. That was bad. It was moist at the end. It had a little, and I'm not, you, of all the guys you could do this to, I'm the least squeamish of all time. But that, that little bit of fucking wetness got me, dude. This guy got me to come. Yeah.

• 1:20:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. Um, so yeah, dude, I would say like, I literally forgot my train of thought because that fart knocked me off.

• 1:20:23Speaker 02

  Too much pressure, you're right.

• 1:20:23Stavros Halkias?

  Too much pressure. And then also, yeah, like I was saying, he seems to just be talking about girls who come off intercourse, right? Or penetration. And certainly that's some of them, but it's like, a lot of girls don't. A lot of girls, it's a, it's, you know, some come just off eating pussy, some come off getting finger popped, some it's like a mix of the two, some it's a mix of all three. You gotta kind of do a poo poo, a sexual poo poo platter, uh, and get them to bust. But if all you're doing is just fucking and expecting girls to come, that's, it's kind of impressive that it's, you would even put it at 50/50, I would say.

• 1:20:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:20:58Stavros Halkias?

  Because of the girls that, like, to me, it's way more rare to meet a girl that, that comes off intercourse.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:05Stavros Halkias?

  Alone, you know, that, those are, I would say those are, you know, that's more rare than the non-comers at all.

• 1:21:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's 70/30 to clit, I think, coming.

• 1:21:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most is clit, most is clit focused. In fact, I, the ones that are like, I, I grew, I'm the type of, I'm a, I'm more of a finesse player in that if you're a clit gal, I'm all, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna get together just fine. But if I have to really pound for a really extended period of time for you to nut, sure, I can on my good days, but that's not my, you know, go to.

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  At that point, you gotta put her on top.

• 1:21:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:21:44Speaker 02

  Do the work there, riding the pony.

• 1:21:45Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure. Uh, but yes, so that's the thing, be less fucking, be less sort of desperate for them to nut. And if you're not, try eating more pussy, not just, not just, you know, not just pounding, not just penetration, you know, get a couple of different moves in your arsenal. You know what I mean? You can't just always put your head down and go straight for the bucket. Sometimes you gotta fucking shoot a three pointer.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:22:10Stavros Halkias?

  Call a play, get a, you know, pick and roll, get your teammate involved, the tools, the sex stuff, all that stuff.

• 1:22:17Speaker 02

  Good point. Two things on this, it's kinda, I, I hear what he's saying about the girl he doesn't like.

• 1:22:22Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:22:22Speaker 02

  He can get her off, which goes to your point. It's like a, you never do a bad show and you're like, who gives a fuck? You're loose, you're riffing, you're going here, you're going there, but if it's a TV taping, you're like, oh, you're stiff. And you don't kill as well, cause you're not loose.

• 1:22:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:36Speaker 02

  So I totally get that. I have a thing called Madonna syndrome. Have you heard of this?

• 1:22:39Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  That's where you can't get it up if you like the girl.

• 1:22:42Stavros Halkias?

  Unless you're fucking Dennis Rodman.

• 1:22:45Speaker 02

  I was wearing a wedding dress.

• 1:22:48Speaker 02

  That's an old reference, but uh, Kim Jong, oh, so um, if I, like my wife, I was really into her, I really liked her. I was like, we had great chemistry, we had great compatibility, and I couldn't get it up, so I had to take BlueChew. But then I would bang some, some fat pig on the road, and I was like Peter North.

• 1:23:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  Cause I didn't give a shit, I wasn't in my head.

• 1:23:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you. That, I, I actually have had that happen.

• 1:23:12Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:23:13Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, the first time I hook up with somebody that I actually like, I'm nervous, my dick is soft. Um, it took like, yeah, like the last, the last two girls I dated that happened with. So yeah, I think there's something to that.

• 1:23:27Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:23:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's the pressure thing. It's the pressure of caring.

• 1:23:30Speaker 02

  But it's the irony, cause the girl's like, you don't like me? And you're like, no, I actually really love you.

• 1:23:33Stavros Halkias?

  This is because, yeah, this is because I like you.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I would always pop BlueChews like a, like a drug addict, you know, in the bathroom. And she's like, what's, why's your tongue blue? And I'm like, ah, I had a mint, you know, you gotta do that whole thing, but.

• 1:23:45Stavros Halkias?

  Had some fun dip.

• 1:23:46Speaker 02

  But yeah, it just goes to show, if you could shut it down with the girls you like, if you just chill out and realize that, hey, I'm a little in my head here, the pressure's on. Maybe that'll help with the, the coming.

• 1:23:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I think ultimately, the, the answer here is, and he says the relationship doesn't get to the point where they would bring out a tool. Like, you just have to fuck somebody a couple times to kinda really get the hang of it.

• 1:24:08Speaker 02

  Get the rhythm.

• 1:24:08Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, you might've just hit, you might've just been on a lucky streak of hitting, fucking a couple girls in a row that bust fast.

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:16Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you'll hit a cold streak of that shit too, you know what I mean? So, just focus, if you like somebody, focus. Ultimately, as sex is very important, but ultimately, like, you know. I, you, both of us couldn't get hard with women that we dated, and they, they stuck around. So it's like, po- power through a couple awkward encounters, if you have, if you have real chemistry, that will shine through. And if that, the real problem is, yeah, you'll just figure it out the more you hook up with somebody, in my opinion.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Here, here.

• 1:24:45Stavros Halkias?

  Good luck, even though, again, your vibes were a little off-putting.

• 1:24:49Speaker 03

  It reminds me of when I was younger, sex always felt like, I felt what he's talking about where it's like, I have to make her come before I come, because then I don't want to look like I fuck bad.

• 1:24:59Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna bust so fast. It's like, if she doesn't come before I put my dick in, we're toast.

• 1:25:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:05Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and then eventually you're like, alright, well, look, lady, my neck's getting sore.

• 1:25:09Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:25:09Stavros Halkias?

  I can't, I know I'm not staying hard much longer, so...

• 1:25:13Speaker 03

  My finger's hurt.

• 1:25:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, we gave it the old college try.

• 1:25:16Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:25:21Speaker 07

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw.

• 1:25:33Speaker 07

  Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 1:25:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hey, man.

• 1:25:41Speaker 07

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life by the claw. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:25:49Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Start your morning with the $6 Mcgriddle's Extra Value Meal. Featuring your choice of a sausage, egg, and cheese Mcgriddle's or bacon, egg, and cheese Mcgriddle's. Plus crispy hash browns and a small premium roast coffee. Sweet, savory, crispy, and caffeinated, it's everything your morning ordered, all for just $6. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing at participating McDonald's.

• 1:26:14Speaker 08

  Team Gas, love the show, love the energy, love you boys. Alright, so I'm 35, been married like eight years, together with this lady for almost a decade, right? My whole life, I've been a real skinny guy, tall, gangly, motherfucking, look like a giraffe, right? Meanwhile, my wife, college athlete, D1 sports, always in shape, always real fit. Recently, right, like six months ago, started hitting the gym, been tracking my macros. Honestly, I've almost 30 pounds. I look good. It's damn near all muscle. Frankly, I look great. Now, in that same timeframe, my wife, she got pregnant. Hey.

• 1:26:57Speaker 08

  I think I know where you're going with this and you're wrong, right? I would never cheat on my wife. She's the light in my world. I fell in love with her when I frankly looked like a war torn refugee, right? So the real question here is, how do I convince my wife? She's so beautiful. Help her understand I'm so thankful for putting her body through this shit, right? I need her to know that her identity's been tied up in being athletic and fit. The whole process, eating her up. And so how do I help her know that she's good on this, right? Like, do I stop getting fit? She's been going after me for a while to get healthy. Do I stop doing that?

• 1:27:41Speaker 08

  We made this decision to get pregnant together. So how do I communicate to her that just how wonderful and beautiful she is? While she's dealing with all of this and her new identity and all of it.

• 1:27:51Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 1:27:51Speaker 08

  Alright, love you guys, love the show.

• 1:27:53Speaker 02

  I wanted to hate this guy because he's like, I look fucking great. And then he turned out to be the sweetest, most fucking man on the planet. I take it all back. This guy's a gem.

• 1:28:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, uh, yeah, this is cute. I like this guy for sure. Um, I think, and you know, you're, you're the expert here on a, your wife was recently pregnant. So do you have anything you want to jump in? I have my own thoughts, but from a guy who's truly experiencing it, what do you think?

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  I think my wife keeps saying like, you know, because they do sacrifice the body.

• 1:28:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like it's crazy.

• 1:28:24Speaker 02

  Women love babies, but they're Chris Brown. They fuck your shit up. They, the scarring, the nipples are all ruined. The tits are weird, whatever. So these kids are evil, what they do to women's bodies. Horrible. They should be put in jail.

• 1:28:41Speaker 02

  You gotta lay it on thick because women, you know, women want to look good normally. And so this is like, hey, they sacrificed their body and they're going to have a few extra pounds that they gotta melt away and all this shit. So yeah, just lay it on thick. Put the arms around her. Keep your hands on her, like keep, uh, showing affection, keep pouring out the compliments. And, uh, point out every day like, whoa, you lost a little more today. Because my wife just keeps shrinking down slowly. And you gotta keep acknowledging it. Show her that you're aware of it. And show her that you're like on board and rooting for and supporting her and just keep it up.

• 1:29:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:16Speaker 02

  So that's it.

• 1:29:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I think overall, it's like just general support, because it's like, yes, some of this is her body and her whatever, but also and her identity, you said of being athletic and and I first of all, I say, I wouldn't say, don't, don't get, don't stop being fit. But, I mean, that's, you're not helping her by doing that, especially if there's something she always wanted you to do. Um, but you know, you can make it more of a partner thing when she's after the baby comes out, you know, you could, you could hit the gym together. You've been tracking your macros. Maybe you can kind of be on a health, a little health journey together if she wants that, right? I would just say overall, from seeing, you know, I've had a few people in my life, like I said, my, my sister-in-law just had a kid, my brother.

• 1:30:00Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I've had a couple of good friends have kids recently and just like kind of observing a few different instances of this, it's like, yeah, definitely how they look is part of it, but also it's just like, it's just a fucking ordeal overall. So just being support, like, you know, and who knows, you're, some, some women want to get fucking right back in the gym. Your wife might not want to, you know what I mean? Like she might want, and it's, you seem cool with whatever she decides. And I think it's more than the physical or just as much as the physical. It's a lot of mental strain. I mean, this baby is fucking gonna be on, like,

• 1:30:35Speaker 02

  And no sleep, add that in, no sex?

• 1:30:37Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah, it's just like, it's in like a baby's obsessed with its mom for like at least the first year. And it's like can go nowhere, you know, she can do nothing. And so just being supportive of her and like making her feel so she's not overwhelmed, all this kind of stuff. I think keeping her ha- happy in general will also just help with the body stuff too, because it's just like, If you're already kinda sad and then you're just like, oh, and I look like shit. It's like, if you're feeling good and then you're like, ah, and you know, I gotta, I gotta start really, once I feel a little better, I'm gonna hit the gym. That's easier than like, I wanna kill myself, then you glimpse in the mirror, you're like, I wanna do it right now, you know, so just, keep the level of happiness, keep the support, whatever your wife needs, just kinda be there and just like,

• 1:31:22Stavros Halkias?

  you seem to have the right attitude there. This guy's a sweet guy. I think you're gonna be fine. We've had real pieces of shit call this show before.

• 1:31:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't have sex for six weeks after pregnancy or after birth. And so I've been doing a countdown. I can't wait, oh man, this many days now. Making fun, like stuff like that helps show, like you're dying a fucker, you can't wait. And you gotta think, women, they're saints for what they do with the body because, imagine if your dick was different after you had a kid. You'd be like, I'm never having a kid. But they still do it, you gotta give it to them.

• 1:31:55Stavros Halkias?

  Damage to my dick, I couldn't, I couldn't stand any of it.

• 1:31:58Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 1:31:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's brutal. But yeah, good luck, little buddy, you're gonna be fine.

• 1:32:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:03Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, Elvis?

• 1:32:08Speaker 09

  Hi, um, I wanted to know, how long is it acceptable to be an adult late bloomer? Like, one of the cutoff dates, so to speak. I'm thirty-three years old, I've been working in my trade career for fifteen years, and I'm successful and stable. My dilemma is, I'm the breadwinner in my four-year-long relationship. I'm having a hard time processing that I'll possibly be the breadwinner and head of my, head of my household forever if I decide to marry my boyfriend. I've grown up with the mentality that I was never supposed to have that position. I grew up in a Hispanic household, so it's the man's job to do all of this. Um, my boyfriend is the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful person I've ever been with. He makes me wanna be a better person.

• 1:32:53Speaker 09

  But it's been wearing on me because financially, I carry all the weight with the bills, everything financially. And my boyfriend has been in his career for almost ten years and, um, within the last four, he decided to go on his own and work for himself. Um, I've given up on having a family.

• 1:33:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:33:13Speaker 09

  Too much for me to do it alone. And when I had an epiphany about this, I thought, if I can't even have a family, maybe we can do trips. And we can't even do that because he can't afford it. And um, I don't make a big deal about any of this to him because when we talked about it, he's expressed that it makes him feel emasculated.

• 1:33:34Stavros Halkias?

  But no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not making him feel emasculated. He's a fucking loser. It's like being like, yeah, it's like feeling, he's like, you know, when I tell my, when I tell my boyfriend, I don't like it when he shits his pants. It makes him, it makes him feel like he's stinky and dirty. And it's like, yeah, he's fucking thir- I mean, let's finish it, but that's crazy.

• 1:33:57Speaker 09

  Emasculated. So I'm now at the point that if I want to travel and do things, I can only pay for myself. And am I a dickhead if I want to go on trips alone because he can't pay his own way?

• 1:34:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:34:11Speaker 09

  Or the way that I want to travel in the standard that I have? So I want to know how men handle these types of situations? When they are providers, is that the type of, is that type of mentality changing as well? Thanks.

• 1:34:27Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:34:28Speaker 02

  Very interesting.

• 1:34:29Stavros Halkias?

  Um.

• 1:34:30Speaker 02

  Well, that's what I love about feminism. Now she sees what it's like to be the sole provider. Ah, it's not easy.

• 1:34:36Stavros Halkias?

  But, but so, so the, but see, you would never, and I, I agree, right? Like, first of all, the whole like, you were raised to never have to be this way. Like, that's all bullshit in my opinion. I would be fine if my wife, you know, whatever, like luckily, you know, life's going in a way where I'm doing fine, doing very well financially. But I, you know, if my wife was more successful than me, that wouldn't emasculate me.

• 1:35:00Speaker 02

  No, no way.

• 1:35:01Stavros Halkias?

  If I had my own shit going, right? Saying he feels emasculated is kinda fucked up.

• 1:35:07Speaker 02

  That's a cop out.

• 1:35:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's this huge cop out.

• 1:35:10Speaker 02

  And gaslighting in a way.

• 1:35:11Stavros Halkias?

  It is because what he feels is he's a failure and he is. And it's like.

• 1:35:15Speaker 02

  But would you say that to a woman? Who's broke and the guy's making all the money?

• 1:35:19Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it depends.

• 1:35:20Speaker 02

  Is she a failure?

• 1:35:21Stavros Halkias?

  Well, here's the, here's what I wanna know, right? They're working two jobs, right? They're both working, right?

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:35:26Stavros Halkias?

  Is she also the homemaker?

• 1:35:28Speaker 02

  That's a good question.

• 1:35:29Stavros Halkias?

  Cause if this guy, if this guy does, like, okay. Let's say I was, I was, I had a fucking wife, whatever. And because of how my, because I'm the head of, you know, my career's going good. If the expectations are, hey. I really. Uh, am taking care of the shit, you don't have to work, but. Might as well fucking, you know, not, it's, it's not that I, I'm old fashioned or anything, but like. You're here, why don't you just fucking take care of all this shit?

• 1:35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm doing this, you do that.

• 1:35:55Stavros Halkias?

  And if that's, and, and then, hey, if you wanna have your little small business on the side. Great, but I take care of this, you take care of that. And if she did that, I wouldn't say like. You're lazy or whatever.

• 1:36:07Speaker 02

  I agree, I agree.

• 1:36:07Stavros Halkias?

  But if this guy's, if this guy wants to be treated like the head of the household. But he's a fucking failure and he says he feels emasculated. That, he can't have it both ways.

• 1:36:16Speaker 02

  He can't have it both ways.

• 1:36:17Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think there's anything, I think. If he was the type of guy, you said he's the kindest, sweetest, whatever guy you've been with. If he was the kind of guy who's like, hey, I'll do the domestic shit, I don't care. If he was the kinda guy who's like that, and he's like, I'll make your life easier, you're the fucking breadwinner. I'll save, you know, I'll do shit to save us some money so that we can like. You know, get, do these vacations or. The simpler thing is like, if he was like, look, my fucking job is not fit, work, like. I tried going to, I gave it the college try.

• 1:36:46Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:36:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's not working. Just go get a fucking hourly job and make some fucking money.

• 1:36:50Speaker 02

  Go Uber.

• 1:36:51Stavros Halkias?

  If this guy's doing, if this guy's bringing zero in, he might as well. Be at home. Fucking cleaning or whatever the fuck, right?

• 1:36:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:37:00Stavros Halkias?

  So, but what's interesting about this is, so I would just take out the, I'm not raised to be this way. This is a matter of like, you know, I think it's fine if a woman is the head of the household, if the other. What, what this really is, is two people in a relationship and one person is contributing so much.

• 1:37:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:37:18Stavros Halkias?

  That it's starting to make her feel that, that it's like.

• 1:37:22Speaker 02

  Used?

• 1:37:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, used and resentful and, and by the way, now you're contributing so much, but it's like now you're losing. I mean, when you said, I've accepted, I can't have a family, we all got sad.

• 1:37:33Speaker 02

  That's horrible. Can't even go on a trip either.

• 1:37:35Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, oh, it's like, that's nuts. If that's what you want.

• 1:37:39Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:37:40Stavros Halkias?

  And then you feel guilty and he goes for the cop out of emasculation. We need to know a little bit more about this business, working for himself shit.

• 1:37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like, cause again, that could just be, from what we know. You, I mean, this is not, you don't, you can't be in this relationship. Like, cause, cause you've said it makes him feel emasculated, but you have to just be like, look, I'm not trying to make you feel emasculated. This is not about, it's just like, we just, I just want certain things out of my life. And, you know, I've been support, you've also been supportive of him for four years, just trying to get his business off the ground. Like, if I was married to somebody and I was like, I have to go try comedy. And she supported me for fucking five years and nothing was going on, I wouldn't be like, stop talking to me about having kids. I'm trying to work on this reel. Once this reel goes viral bitch, I'm selling tickets, right?

• 1:38:34Stavros Halkias?

  I wouldn't do that. I would be like, you know what? I gave it a shot. Time to go fucking work at a Home Depot.

• 1:38:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Time to go fucking go to Best Buy. Who gives a fuck? So, yeah.

• 1:38:46Speaker 02

  Also, why isn't this guy uncomfortable? If my girl was paying for everything and she was like, I want to go on a trip, but you don't have any money, I'd be like, oh, you're right. I suck. I'm, I'm going to Ja, I'll ask my mom for five hundred bucks, we can go to Greece or whatever it is. Why is this guy not freaking out?

• 1:39:01Stavros Halkias?

  I actually, I, when you say that, I think that's probably why she mentions the, like, I was not raised. Cause this guy might be trying to have it both ways.

• 1:39:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:09Stavros Halkias?

  He might be comfortable because like, well, I'm the fucking head of the household. What I say goes.

• 1:39:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm the guy.

• 1:39:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, I'm the guy. So, hey, we gotta support my dreams. Meanwhile, this woman could be having a great, like. You clearly love this person. This is difficult.

• 1:39:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:39:25Stavros Halkias?

  But you also can't sacrifice your life.

• 1:39:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:39:28Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like you don't believe in him. It'd be one thing if you were like, he's been working for himself. He works so hard.

• 1:39:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:39:35Stavros Halkias?

  He's got this great idea. I'm here, like, but you don't. You think he's fucking, and he probably is fucking lazy, right?

• 1:39:41Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:39:42Stavros Halkias?

  And so you have all this guilt. And I would say the same way we say, let yourself go, let, you know, shed that like, I came up this way, feeling about where the, what the woman should do. For your, like, and just look at it as two people.

• 1:39:55Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:39:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's how he has to treat it too. He has to just shed that. If he's, if he thinks you need to support him, that's fucking ridiculous.

• 1:40:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:03Stavros Halkias?

  The person who's supporting the family gets the support. Right? Like.

• 1:40:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:40:07Stavros Halkias?

  And if he wants you to fucking listen to what he has to say, then he has to do better than you.

• 1:40:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, and if you wanna go on a trip and he can't go, go. And he should be like, you're right, I can't afford it, that's on me.

• 1:40:17Stavros Halkias?

  But once you start doing that, it's like,

• 1:40:19Speaker 02

  Well, sure.

• 1:40:19Stavros Halkias?

  What are we even doing?

• 1:40:20Speaker 02

  Of course, of course.

• 1:40:21Stavros Halkias?

  You're in your mid thirties and you're taking a vacation without your fucking girlfriend.

• 1:40:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:26Stavros Halkias?

  And it's not like someone's, if that's not a bachelor party or something, it's like,

• 1:40:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:40:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 1:40:30Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:40:31Stavros Halkias?

  Like, can you imagine going on a vacation without your wife? Like, I mean, no, you have to have a really serious job where you get high in a bus with your best friend.

• 1:40:40Speaker 02

  For three months.

• 1:40:44Speaker 02

  Totally different.

• 1:40:45Stavros Halkias?

  Totally different. But yeah, anyway, this is, and I just feel for her because she's just like so, she's like so like, she's guilty. She's guilty for, I mean dude, I'm going to be thinking about, I've accepted I can't have a family. You're, that's crazy.

• 1:41:05Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:41:05Stavros Halkias?

  You, you, you, this, that's the point. Of, if you wanna, look, some people don't wanna have a family, great. You clearly want a family.

• 1:41:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:13Stavros Halkias?

  And the whole point of dating is to find the right person to have a family with. So if he's the kinda guy who you can't have a family with. He's not the guy and you want and that's very important to you. He can't even fucking swing a weekend in fucking Cancun, let alone a fucking family like. That's crazy and and the emasculation is a cop out.

• 1:41:35Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:41:35Stavros Halkias?

  And this is coming from people who have all been broke, who have all been chasing a dream, whatever. It's like. I definitely have been in relationships where I didn't have any fucking money and I tried to make up for it in other ways.

• 1:41:47Speaker 02

  Of course, of course.

• 1:41:48Stavros Halkias?

  And he's just, he is comfortable. You clearly kinda are too supportive of him, in my opinion. But just, I don't know, we don't know enough of it, but just the bare facts of doesn't pull his own weight. Makes you feel guilty about bringing it up.

• 1:42:02Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:42:03Stavros Halkias?

  And you can't get the basic things you want out of life. I think you're at the point of seriously considering moving on, as hard as that is. Or having one final, you could have one final conversation and say, look, I want these things. I really love you. We're very compatible in so many ways. But I'm getting older. I want a family. I wanna be able to, and like. Cause he's essentially choosing chasing whatever dream his own business is over providing those things for you.

• 1:42:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's essentially, what it boils down to is that. So you can say, look. If you, you gotta get a fucking, you gotta get back to getting a real job. Or, or you know, finding, you know, doing the housekeeping, whatever, or we have kids and you take care of the childcare.

• 1:42:47Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. There you go.

• 1:42:49Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever it is, you have to have that conversation. If he says he feels a mess, then you have to say like. I'm really sorry if that's how you feel because I need, these are non-negotiables in my life.

• 1:42:58Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:42:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you're sacrificing these things and for what? Just kindness is the baseline. Like, maybe she had some shitty relationships before this, cause she's saying he's the kindest guy I've ever met.

• 1:43:09Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 1:43:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's just, that's the baseline for dating, so. That's default. That's not. Like, you can't lead with how nice a guy is. He's gotta, everybody should be ni-, your boyfriend should be nice to you.

• 1:43:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:43:22Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like.

• 1:43:22Speaker 02

  She's, this guy's got a live one because he's like, oh, I'm getting all this shit for free. I don't have to do any work. I'm working on my business. He probably saw baseball cards on eBay or some shit.

• 1:43:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:31Speaker 02

  And if she brings it up, he's like, oh, don't emasculate me. And she's like, oh, you're right. That's how I was raised was the man does this. So, he's got it made, this guy. And that's why she's gotta get out because this guy is totally taking advantage.

• 1:43:44Stavros Halkias?

  And this goes the other way too, like if the role like truly this is about well whoever's in a relationship. You can't be taken advantage of or like you know what I mean if if somebody is like. If the man was the the the provider. And the woman was just like not doing shit or ta- like you're also not getting. Anything out of it, right? Now, you know, it's like the i- i- it's like and ultimately it's case by case. Everybody has to decide what's good for them, right? But if you want these things. And he can't give them to you, then then what's the fucking point of being in this relationship?

• 1:44:16Speaker 02

  Here, here.

• 1:44:17Stavros Halkias?

  Good luck, sister. Damn, that I'm fucking sad now. Elders, let's end on something funny.

• 1:44:28Speaker 10

  Hey, Stavi, me and my husband are really big fans of your show.

• 1:44:31Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:44:32Speaker 10

  Um, I just, this isn't a question, but I just wanted to dump some information. I just finished watching um your latest podcast with Kate on it and you guys had an interesting thing about being cremated. I'm not a cremator, however. My client that I work on, I'm a hairdresser. She works in cremation and she gave me some valuable information. About cremation. She let me know. That this is, I didn't smell this, this is what she said, that plus size people. Smell delicious.

• 1:45:09Speaker 02

  That's great. That's great.

• 1:45:12Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude. Fat people smell delicious when you cremate them? That's fucking awesome.

• 1:45:19Speaker 10

  Delicious when it's getting done.

• 1:45:22Speaker 10

  This is not what I said, this is what she said. She said they smell. Either of a range of bacon or marshmallow.

• 1:45:31Stavros Halkias?

  Marshmallow?

• 1:45:36Speaker 10

  Um, just an interesting fun fact. I hope you guys are having a great day and a great vibe. Thanks.

• 1:45:40Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. That is a good fun fact. Mar- bacon, I could, that's what I would have guessed is like a fatty cut of meat, but marshmallow, some th-

• 1:45:51Speaker 02

  Sour Patch Kids and Hershey bars, you know, it's just sugar.

• 1:45:55Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit, that's fucking crazy. That's crazy to me that you would work at a fucking crematorium or whatever and uh and then be like. Right. I want to go get a fucking, I want to go make some smores.

• 1:46:08Speaker 02

  I love the smell of fatties in the morning.

• 1:46:11Stavros Halkias?

  That is awesome. That is a beautiful little thing to go out on.

• 1:46:14Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:46:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know, that's what fat people provide a ser- you know, even on the way out, everyone's having a nice time around a fat guy.

• 1:46:19Speaker 02

  Well, you ever do Minneapolis, you can smell the, uh, there's like Bisquick is from there or some shit or cereal. General Mills, I think is from there. So you smell cereal in the distance.

• 1:46:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:46:28Speaker 02

  Have the crematorium in like the, you know, the fatter cities in America, the Cleveland's or the Vegas. Put the, put the ovens out there or the, the chimneys.

• 1:46:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:37Speaker 02

  Let us get a whiff.

• 1:46:38Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get a whiff when it's fatties. Uh, all right. Well, thank you. Thanks for the calls. Mark, thanks for being here, buddy. Hey, thank you, hot dog. Congratulations on the ba- yeah. Congratulations on the baby and.

• 1:46:49Speaker 02

  Oh, it's in the car.

• 1:46:53Speaker 02

  Damn it.

• 1:46:53Stavros Halkias?

  Go see Mark live, listen to all the pods and see us on the Dreamboat tour. We'll talk to you next time. Bye bye. Thank you.

• 1:47:14Speaker 11

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• 1:48:15Speaker 07

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  Oh, hey, man.

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