Ep 220: Dan Soder

Dan Soder joins We Might Be Drunk for a hilarious episode full of comedy deep dives, pet peeves, and nonstop jokes. We get into old-school stand-up, the bits that shaped us, and the things that drive us crazy. Soder may be sober, but the laughs are flowing—don’t miss it! Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Support the show and get 50% off your first Factor box, plus free shipping. Use code FACTORPODCAST at https://www.factormeals.com/FACTORPODCAST Support the show and get up to 65% off your Chubbies orders during their Spring Break Sale until 2/28. After that, get 20% off your Chubbies order with the code drunks at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/drunks Support the show and sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period of Shopify at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Dan Soder: https://www.dansoder.com Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcastomedy Tour Dates Announcement Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  All right, let's, wow, that's a rare Norman miss.

• 0:08Mark Normand?

  I lost it.

• 0:09Sam Morril?

  Are we rolling?

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  Lost the fastball.

• 0:11Sam Morril?

  Joined by Dan Soder here, talking tour bussin'.

• 0:15Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  You're gonna be doing it.

• 0:17Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna be doing it pretty hard, but yeah, you can't sleep. I couldn't sleep when I was with you and Jay and Bert, because Bert would just talk till like 4 a.m. and I'd be like wired.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  They need to take a sleepover.

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Are you up?

• 0:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:31Mark Normand?

  But comics need a little recharge downtime. That bus, you wake up and they're like, "How you feel today, big guy?" I'm like, "Jesus Christ."

• 0:37Speaker 02

  The best is I was, I think I finally, I would like sleep in patches on the bus. I was telling Sam, "I'm not a good sleeper on tour buses," and then one time, the whole curtain just opened and Peter, blue rules, Bert's assistant was like, "Hey, they're doing morning radio and they want you to come up," and I was like, "No." And then just five minutes later, Pete comes back and he goes, "They're really asking for you." I go, "All right." But then it ended up being fun, because you get up, here's the thing about it, here's the thing about going on the road with Bert, is when you get up, it is partying.

• 1:09Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  So it feels a little like college where you're like, "Yeah, I'll get fucked up."

• 1:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Like, he was like, "Bring a joint with you, you could smoke in the studio," and I was like, "I never get this opportunity by myself."

• 1:18Mark Normand?

  Right, and it's shit you would never do on your own. If you were in a hotel in Poughkeepsie, you'd be like, "Fuck that," but with Bert, you're like, "I'll get on a fishing boat and catch a fucking squid."

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, we went to the Ozarks when we were in Missouri and I was like, "This actually is very fun."

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:32Sam Morril?

  What'd you do in the Ozarks?

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Just, we just swam. We just went to the water and swam and it was great.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  We got that great shot of us with the little shark we caught.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  And I'm fucking squeezing the shit out of it, because the guy was like, "Squeeze it," and then everyone was like, "Soder, you're squeezing it too hard." I was like, "Hey, you're not gonna go anywhere." Yeah, I don't have the manliness of me to know how to squeeze something.

• 1:52Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  I didn't grow up with a dad, so I just go like, "It's either too much or too little."

• 1:56Mark Normand?

  Right, and then Big Jay's out there in jean shorts and like a Phillies jersey.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Well, I told him, I was like, "You should wear, you shouldn't wear your shoes." He was gonna wear his like, "Good shoes," and I was like, "We're getting on a boat." And then the second the water started coming over, he's like, "Thank God I did," and you're like, "Yeah."

• 2:10Sam Morril?

  Me, Chrissy and Nimesh did a gig in Chicago and this guy from OnlyFans was like, "Come on my boat." And we're like, "All right." So we just go on a boat and we all stupidly were like, "Well, just take, we should take the boat to the casino."

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, that sounds great.

• 2:24Sam Morril?

  It's in like Hammond, Indiana. Like, we could take, he's like, "I could get you there on the boat." And we're like, "That's a great idea." He starts going, we're in our show outfit and it's just, just getting soaked.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Wait, you went on the, you went in your show outfit?

• 2:35Sam Morril?

  We, he's like, "I'll take you to the venue." So we figured, so we had to.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  By boat?

• 2:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, by boat. We thought like, "This is gonna be badass." And then we, we're soaked and we're just like, and I'm like, "This is the one night I'm gonna, I'm gonna wear a suede jacket."

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  Just stretch, like, "Ah, god damn it." And we like pull over, pull over. So he did dock us and we had to take a cab, just soaked.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Squishy shoes?

• 2:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, they were squishy.

• 2:57Mark Normand?

  It sounds like a joke. A Jew, an Indian and an Italian go to a tugboat.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Sounded like he was trying to get rid of them. He goes, "I can get rid of three of them right now. There won't be a problem."

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Remember the kid who lived in a houseboat? There was always a guy who lived in a houseboat when I was a kid.

• 3:10Sam Morril?

  Not in New York City.

• 3:11Mark Normand?

  I, I got you.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  And I, I grew up landlocked in Colorado. Unless he lived on the Cherry Creek Reservoir.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  This is a real buy you up for you.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Because you guys remember, you guys remember how everyone got a fan boat when they were 15? And you're like, "Nope."

• 3:23Sam Morril?

  Remember chasing gators on water?

• 3:25Speaker 02

  You remember when a gator would crawl in in the early morning and you'd have gator and eggs? And you're like, "Never had it."

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  Woo, go out and get the P-Rog, get some crawdads.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  He lived on a...

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  There was always a guy who lived in a boat as a kid.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Now, I'll tell you the high plains, white trash version of that. Which is a 16-year-old that gets his own apartment because he's like not living with his parents.

• 3:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  That feels like the ver-

• 3:47Mark Normand?

  That is also awesome.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Dude, it is awesome.

• 3:49Mark Normand?

  That's the best.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  You could go over there and just like smoke cigarettes. That's what I always wanted. I was like-

• 3:55Sam Morril?

  If he gets 22, it's pretty sad, but at 16, you're like, "This kid's a fucking kid."

• 3:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  16, though, it is, it means something really bad happened. If you're living by yourself at 16 or 17, nothing great happened.

• 4:07Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  They weren't like, "You know what?"

• 4:09Mark Normand?

  You won the house.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. "You got all As. You're gonna live by yourself."

• 4:14Mark Normand?

  No, it's dad's in jail.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:15Mark Normand?

  We feel bad.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Mom's boyfriend gets a little handsy.

• 4:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  "I gotta go, I gotta go live in, you know, whatever apartment complex was coast by, like, like the Cherry Knoll or something." They're always like, it was always, that's the Colorado names were always like named after creek beds or something.

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  And it was a bunch of old people and your friend.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Oh, it was great. It was great, but a houseboat is wild.

• 4:36Mark Normand?

  Houseboat was big. I mean, it was, uh, free. You could just get up and fish and go out and he would go to school in the houseboat. It was great.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  What, he used to dock it?

• 4:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  At school?

• 4:45Mark Normand?

  Dock it, put the bookbag on it.

• 4:46Sam Morril?

  A houseboat is cool if you're Tony Soprano and it's like your second thing. It's not great if it's your primary residence.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Unless you're a disgraced detective that's really good at fucking.

• 4:55Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 4:56Sam Morril?

  Uh, rec, John McDonald books, dude. Fucking Florida noir.

• 5:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  I love, you love your noirs.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  I love my dude, his, but it's not the people. The detective who solves the cases on the boat is kinda badass.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:07Sam Morril?

  Cause you're just, you know, you're down in the dumps a little bit.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  It's the romantic thing of a physical manifestation of you being down. It's like, living on a boat, you want the, um, lethal weapon guitar lick playing?

• 5:19Mark Normand?

  Yes. Pull that up.

• 5:23Mark Normand?

  Pull that up, I'm a little.

• 5:25Sam Morril?

  Got dumped.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, no, no. Your wife has to die.

• 5:28Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  There can't be like a bitch walking around telling lies about you.

• 5:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, here we go. Who, who, who creates that? Does that guy gets a paycheck every time that lick hits?

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, I don't know, but that's how Hollywood like, this is my problem with celebrities doing commercials, is you're robbing a whole group of people that used to make their living.

• 5:51Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is it.

• 5:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, this is the kid waking up.

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  Why'd you have to blow up my wife?

• 5:55Speaker 02

  But for our, for our gay asses, it's like this, it's like, that new one didn't work last night.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  I thought that crowd work riff was gonna be a lot funnier.

• 6:05Mark Normand?

  That fat chick in the condo done fucked on the first date.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  That waitress said she didn't have a husband, but she did.

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  I think Joe DeRosa jacked off in this condo bed last night.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  How does Piff the Magic Dragon sell so much merch?

• 6:23Mark Normand?

  Is Fluffy fat or is he actually fluffy?

• 6:25Speaker 02

  How's, he's not fluffy anymore if he's skinny.

• 6:30Mark Normand?

  Where did Matt Rife buy that head, Pete?

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  Did you see his promo with Billy Idol? It was pretty fun.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  No, Billy Idol.

• 6:37Sam Morril?

  It's kinda cool.

• 6:38Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude. I mean, when you get that famous, I think calling in favors, like us getting someone that famous for a promo is a huge deal.

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  I think this is better for Billy Idol, Idol's career.

• 6:49Mark Normand?

  That's true. Whoa.

• 6:55Mark Normand?

  It's a nice day for a white mocha. Oh shit.

• 7:00Sam Morril?

  Kind of fun.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  It's fun.

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  What is cheese?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Shot beautifully.

• 7:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  Alright, we got it though. That's the gist of it.

• 7:05Mark Normand?

  Nice cheese stash.

• 7:12Sam Morril?

  Alright, we'll have to watch the whole.

• 7:13Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 7:13Sam Morril?

  Good. We were on a good momentum thing with that. I really derailed us then.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Well, you made a whole movie.

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  Jeez, I know.

• 7:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this uncut is like three hours.

• 7:22Mark Normand?

  It's like an 824 commercial.

• 7:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Mark Normand?

  Like the brutalist.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Uh, we made fun of, uh, we made fun of it on the bonfire years ago, but there used to be a thing called, uh, Billy Idol wanted you to stop idling in New York City. Do you remember those?

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  No.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  It was like, "I'm Billy Idol. Stop idling your car." And you're like, "What the fuck?" So this is way better. I'm happy to see he's working his way up.

• 7:42Sam Morril?

  I miss those New York taxi cab things, and this might be before you guys came to New York, but they used to do a thing where they'd be like, "This is Paul O'Neill from the New York Yankees. Buckle up for safety."

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Great.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:52Sam Morril?

  "This is Dr. Ruth." It would just be any celebrity.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  You know what my favorite one was? At DIA, when you get on the, the train, and it goes like, it'd be like, "This is Peyton Manning."

• 8:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  "Welcome to Denver." The one that always made me laugh was Andrew Luck in Indianapolis, the former Colts quarterback, because he has my voice. So he'd be like, "Hey, this is Andrew Luck. Thanks for coming to Indianapolis." "It's me."

• 8:18Mark Normand?

  That's fun. Is it a win or a lose when it's like, like Billy Idol, don't idol?

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:24Mark Normand?

  Is that a win? Like, "Hey, my song got picked. It all worked out." Or are you like, "Ah, I'm that guy now?" Cause Sting had a deodorant commercial that said, "Don't stand, don't stand so..." And I'm sure he made a shit ton of money, but I'm like, "Now you're the deodorant guy."

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then he shows you his houseboat.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Where he goes, "That was the Billy, uh, that was the Billy Idol, don't idol."

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 8:44Sam Morril?

  I didn't even know the commercial, so I don't, I don't know him.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  It was like really quick, but it, um, yeah, dude, that's, when you get asked to do a commercial like that, the money better be.

• 8:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  He got paid every day from Diddy from doing, "I'll Be Missing You."

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Oh, Sting did?

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  So he hurts from Diddy going to prison, I guess.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 9:01Sam Morril?

  Diddy going bankrupt is bad for him.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  That's, he's a character witness?

• 9:05Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 9:06Sam Morril?

  I think he, he always seemed nice to me.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  He's like, "I taught him tantric sex, so he didn't bust in any of those kids." So is it sex?

• 9:14Mark Normand?

  That's gotta be crazy surreal. As an aging musician, when you call up customer service and you hear your phone, your song on the hold.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:22Mark Normand?

  You know, and you're like, oh, man, White Wedding.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  You know what made me feel old as fuck? Flying into Seattle, they played Soundgarden at the baggage claim.

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  And you're like, we're cooked.

• 9:33Mark Normand?

  Bummer.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  If you're from, if you're elder gen, elder millennial or Gen X, we're fucking, we're old.

• 9:39Mark Normand?

  Right. Spoonman.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it was like, I forget what's, I think it was, um.

• 9:45Mark Normand?

  That band kicks ass, by the way.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  I mean, they're the best. The, I, uh, it was really funny to be like, waiting for my bag and it was like, my wave, my wave, my wave. And you're like, oh, no.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cause party's like, here we, ah, shit, I'm old. Damn.

• 10:01Sam Morril?

  Elevator, once elevator music is the shit you grew up with.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what we're at now.

• 10:06Sam Morril?

  It's like a really swanky hotel, maybe, and they're just trying to be hip, but then even then.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it does hurt.

• 10:11Mark Normand?

  You know who had a houseboat? Pull this up. Kelsey Grammer.

• 10:14Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 10:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  You know, I, I, this is just a theory. Well, it's not a theory. His ex-wife was on The Real Housewives or whatever.

• 10:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  And she's like crazy hot. Back in the day, she was like an MTV spring break girl.

• 10:26Mark Normand?

  Mm.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Which makes me think Frasier was getting some crazy pussy.

• 10:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Kelsey Grammer.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  He's like, hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling. Why don't you come suck me off?

• 10:36Mark Normand?

  Like, I'll toss your salad.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  And have some scrambled eggs. He'd eat my ass and then he would make me watch him eat eggs.

• 10:44Sam Morril?

  Niles would come in and double team.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. He goes, Niles, friend, what if we have a little menagee trois?

• 10:51Mark Normand?

  Apparently he's a raging alcoholic.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  Really?

• 10:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  Really tragic, uh, childhood.

• 10:56Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Isn't that weird when you, you were like, oh, I never expected Frasier Crane to have.

• 11:01Mark Normand?

  Look at this, uh, this resume of poon.

• 11:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah. He was on, he was on drugs those whole first few seasons, so if you re-watch them, it's insane how good he is. Cause he's literally sticking the landing on these like crazy act outs and he's high out of his fucking mind, which, you know, I don't.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  That's like when you find out Stephen King wrote a whole book and he doesn't remember it. Cause he was all fucked up.

• 11:22Sam Morril?

  Babe Ruth just eating sausages and, you know.

• 11:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  That breakfast?

• 11:26Sam Morril?

  Smoking, yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  What was that Babe Ruth breakfast?

• 11:28Sam Morril?

  It's like steak and eggs and sausage. Yeah, everything.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  And then he's just, he's just taking them deep.

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  They say it was half-black. Did you hear that?

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Well, maybe he knew, maybe, half whack.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Maybe he knew that. He's like, hey, no, he's like, white guys ain't gonna pitch to me like this. We get drunk and get the meat sweats.

• 11:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Mark Normand?

  Was he before? He was before Jackie.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. No, he was playing just against white guys.

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, well, there you go.

• 11:54Sam Morril?

  That's why a lot of the, you know, a lot of the baseball people be like, eh.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Is he?

• 11:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 11:59Sam Morril?

  No real competition.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  That was a great line that Colin had in Trainwreck.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  In Schumer's room where he's like, a 12-year-old Dominican would have fucking taken Babe Ruth yard.

• 12:07Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  And you're like, yeah, you're right.

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  Baseball was everything back then.

• 12:11Sam Morril?

  Dude, that was, that team was fucking Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, back to back.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Also, what sucks is Lou Gehrig got a horrible disease in the time when science was like, um.

• 12:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  Was like bad. Science was just bad. And they're like, well, Lou, uh, we're gonna name it after you. And he's like, it's horrible.

• 12:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, it's not a sandwich at a deli.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know.

• 12:31Sam Morril?

  He was like dropping. There was a, there's a really sad part of his book where he's just like, drop he can't. Like, he's dropping stuff and young Joe DiMaggio is just next to him and he's just like, that's his hero. Watch him not be able, and he just, and they both just like cried.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 12:44Sam Morril?

  Fucking dark moment.

• 12:45Mark Normand?

  It's like when you meet Jackie Mason, you're like, ah, you're a dick. You're like, bumming me out.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Do you do a Jackie Mason? I assume you do.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  No, I do a Rodney Dangerfield.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  You make your choices in life. Are you a Dangerfield or are you a Mason?

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Good question.

• 13:04Sam Morril?

  Could you do Buddy Hackett?

• 13:05Speaker 02

  No. Dangerfield, I just grew up watching, so that's how I learned how to do it.

• 13:10Sam Morril?

  He was the best.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  I was like obsessed with him. Like, everything from, like, um, the movie where he's the dog.

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Rover Dangerfield to Ladybugs. But then when my dad let me watch the like, actual, like, you know, um, the Caddyshack.

• 13:26Mark Normand?

  Back to school.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Back to school is huge. Like, when I got to watch Back to School with my dad, and I popped, because the bad guys were, Billy Zapka, the bad guy from Karate Kid.

• 13:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  So when, by like, I was so young that I was like, that's, that's Johnny from Karate Kid.

• 13:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  And I just loved it.

• 13:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Dean Martin. That always made me laugh.

• 13:45Sam Morril?

  Great actor, Ned Beatty.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Great actor, Ned Beatty.

• 13:47Sam Morril?

  Literally had to play the dude and deliver and stick on.

• 13:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, anally raped.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Well, I want to know what the...

• 13:52Mark Normand?

  He's getting to play that role.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I want to know what the story is with, uh, Kinnison getting the role as the professor in Back to School. Because that was back in the day when a comic was getting famous, another, like, what Eddie Murphy did with Chris Rock in Beverly Hills Cop 2, Rodney kinda did with Kinnison in Back to School.

• 14:10Mark Normand?

  Definitely, I'm sure, because it was right after the Young Comedian special, so he probably was like, "Get up here."

• 14:15Speaker 02

  And I love it because they do that thing about Vietnam. He's like, "That's right, tell them what you heard, say it again." Yeah, this scene is like...

• 14:23Speaker 04

  You know, a lot of people think history is just facts. It's just information on the past, but not me. I mean, I hold history very sacred, sacred. The way the farmer looks at the earth and he holds it sacred, the way a Christian takes the Bible and he holds it sacred, the way a lot of people hold their marriage sacred.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Rodney's listening face is funny.

• 14:43Speaker 04

  Well, we dive right in by interpreting one of the easiest events in the last 20 years of American history.

• 14:49Sam Morril?

  I love that it's one of the easiest.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  Now, tell me why in 1975 we pulled our troops out of Vietnam?

• 14:59Speaker 05

  The failure of Vietnamization to impede their support caused an ongoing erosion of confidence in the various American but illegal Saigon regimes.

• 15:11Speaker 04

  Is she right?

• 15:12Speaker 02

  It's so funny, you could like see him getting mad.

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's good.

• 15:16Speaker 04

  I know a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was there. I wasn't here in a classroom, hoping I was right, thinking about it. I was up to my knees in rice paddies with guns and then we're going up against Charlie, snuck it out with him while pussies like...

• 15:34Speaker 04

  Put headbands on to him and the goddamn Beatles albums.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Professor, take it easy, will you? I mean, these kids, they were in grade school at the time. And me, I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.

• 15:51Mark Normand?

  Ah, come on.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Tim Dillon? Yeah.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Tim Dillon 100% would have gotten the kids in a roll.

• 15:58Mark Normand?

  Great call.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Cause Tim, Tim is so funny, he could have bent it into like a fucked up.

• 16:03Mark Normand?

  Rant.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Thing, a rant where you go, it's funny.

• 16:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Like, no matter what he's saying, it's funny. That's a great call. That being said, please don't remake this movie.

• 16:11Mark Normand?

  No.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Don't, stop!

• 16:12Mark Normand?

  No, do it with Matt Rife.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  Stop! He's like, "We're all gonna get laid, and I mean it, cause all I've been doing is getting laid."

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, poor Ned.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Oh, Ned Beatty just getting fucked.

• 16:23Mark Normand?

  Every bar he went into after that, some guy got behind and went, "Hey, what's up Ned Beatty?"

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Or they, yeah. That's a rough audition too, just one dude after another. Squeal like a pig.

• 16:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Oh, and that, I bet, I wonder how many fistfights Ned Beatty got into.

• 16:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Cause some drunk idiot told him to squeal like a pig.

• 16:40Mark Normand?

  Right?

• 16:40Speaker 02

  He's like, "Hey, I'm with my family, we're at a nice dinner." Hey, it was a movie.

• 16:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Cause people don't know how to separate.

• 16:46Mark Normand?

  No, it's, it's, "I'm Rick James bitch."

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:48Mark Normand?

  You know, at Disneyland.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Man, that was the biggest bummer. I got to see Chappelle when he came back from Africa in 2004.

• 16:56Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 16:56Speaker 02

  At the Ava Amphitheater in Tucson, and I spent like, I had no money, and I spent like $90, that's a little floor money.

• 17:04Mark Normand?

  That's a lot of dough in 2004.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  I spent $90 to my friend Tank, shout out Tank.

• 17:10Mark Normand?

  Tanky?

• 17:11Speaker 02

  He, uh, he ran the, like, the people for the Ava Amphitheater, and he's like, "I can get you a really good seat." Chappelle's my guy, so I was like, "He's back from Africa, I fucking can't wait." I was so excited for the new bits, I fucking smoked a joint, I walked in, I sat down, and he started, great bit about white guys on meth, fighting a group of black guys. It's one, a bit he's never done on a special.

• 17:33Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  It's very, very funny. He's like, "You should never fight a white guy that's shirtless in jean shorts with grease all over his chest." Something's happening with him. And he like, does a whole thing about how they beat him up and it doesn't work, and I was like, on cloud nine, and then it just started. People going like, "Crack!"

• 17:51Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  "I'm Rick James bitch."

• 17:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  "I'm Rick James," and then people were going, "This was the worst." He'd be setting up a bit, and they'd just go, "Yeah!"

• 18:00Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 18:01Speaker 02

  And he'd be like, "All right, all right," and you saw him go like... Okay, alright, like alright.

• 18:07Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  It just sucked. I was so mad. I was doing the white guy thing where you look behind you, like at a movie when black people are talking.

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I'm not gonna say anything, but I'll look.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  But I'm mad. Just know I'm getting huffy. Yeah.

• 18:19Sam Morril?

  I will write a negative review of the show, even though it's not the theater.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  It's not. We know that it's not the theater's fault. And he had a great line though at one point. This, he was like doing a joke and this lady was like, "Dave for president!" He goes, "President, I can't even do three seasons on cable."

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  He goes, "You would get to the second year of my administration and they'd be like, 'The president has left, simply with a note on his desk that said, 'Fuck it.'"

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Right. And he, like, I saw him riff that. So for me, it was like, he signed, it was, I had my first joke book on me. He signed my first joke book.

• 18:52Sam Morril?

  How do you meet him? You just wait?

• 18:53Speaker 02

  He, people were yelling for him after the show. And then I just like went and was like, "Will you sign this? Will you sign this?" And he signed it and he kept my pen. And I was like, "Can I get my pen back?"

• 19:03Speaker 02

  But yeah, I have that joke book somewhere.

• 19:04Mark Normand?

  It's funny. Like I saw Carlin, I saw a sign from really young, and I remember everything. It's, you remember everything.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  They're in front of me, holy shit!

• 19:12Speaker 02

  I remember.

• 19:13Sam Morril?

  I signed David Tell playbill from the, from Carol.

• 19:15Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  That's, yeah.

• 19:16Mark Normand?

  I still have it.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  It's crazy. And then you like, you just know him now and you're like, I don't know Chappelle, but like, like knowing Colin Quinn.

• 19:23Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Uh, no.

• 19:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, I bet he does.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  No. I've been introduced to him at least four times. And you're like.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  I do remember one night at the Cellar, Dan, it was like years, years ago.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  This was blackout drunk.

• 19:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was probably like eight or 10 years ago or something. And dancing, talking at, to him at the Cellar. And then you went on stage and I sat down right after you. And he just looked up and he goes, "It was great talking to you."

• 19:44Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 19:44Sam Morril?

  He thought I was you.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 19:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:46Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 19:47Sam Morril?

  I've talked to him like since then and he's been really cool.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. He doesn't, every time, Michelle Wolf's introduced me, other people, I just am like, I don't, I don't wanna push it. I feel that way about like a lot of celebrities that I like. If I really enjoy somebody's stuff, I'm not pushing to meet them.

• 20:01Sam Morril?

  You don't push it.

• 20:01Mark Normand?

  No, never push.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  Like Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age, who's my favorite musician of all time. He's kind of been around, like Bill Burr opens for him sometimes. I'll never push that. No, and it'll happen eventually. If it does, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I think there's nothing wrong with this idea that you have to be friends with every person you like. You can just be a fan. That's true. And being a fan sometimes is very valuable. It's better. Yeah, cuz you're just like, ah, you know. I'm glad I never met Ned Beatty cuz I think I would've tried to rape him. I think it would've sucked. Sam would've gone, "I hate to say this, but, square like a pig."

• 20:34Speaker 02

  "Could you square like a pig?" He goes, "God damn it." I ruined it with Eddie Vedder. What? What? Yeah, I went to, um, I'm, you know, I'm not a huge Pearl Jam fan, but, uh, we did, uh, we did Bonnaroo in 2015. Mm-hmm. And... Oh, yeah. It didn't go well for me cuz I brought a girlfriend and didn't really go the best. I remember that. Didn't have the greatest time. Yeah. So Ari Shaffir was like... Was it that bad, or was it just the girlfriend? The sets were bad. It was just, it was... He was clingy. "Don't go with your friends, come with me." It was... "With your friend, we could, we never saw him." Yeah, it was one of those things where, and Ari, being the, the secret mensch that he is... Mmm. Cuz he'll never be loud about this. Killed her. Yeah, he mer, and then she was never heard of again. Only some teeth were found in a lake.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  But, uh, he was like, "Dude, let's go back, um, 2016." He was like, you know, obviously you can't get booked, but he worked a deal out with Rocky, who would book comedy. Yep. And he's like, "We're gonna do a secret show, 2:00 in the morning, and, uh, it'll be me, you, Sean Patton, and Jack Knight." That was like the show. Nice. And I was like, "Great." And he's like, "I got an RV, we can stay there, and we've got wristbands and food tickets." Whoa! We just didn't get paid. Whoa! But it was awesome. So I went, that year it was like Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson, Nate Bargatze, a couple other people were at the comedy tent. So people we knew. Yeah. Specifically Pete and Nate. And like, I'm hanging out with Nate, and then Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam was headlining, Eddie Vedder's friends with Judd Apatow, so he came to the comedy tent.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Whoa! And we were just sitting outside talking, and I was having a great conversation with him. We were just like talking about weather and humidity and like Hawaii versus Chicago, all the, like... Wow, that's a, that's a great conversation. We were talking about the weather. It was. But I'm gonna tell you right now, we were locked in. We were, we were... Having a good convo. And I know he knows that, but.

• 22:23Mark Normand?

  He's sick of talking about Pearl Jam.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  That's exactly it. And watching everyone suck his dick around him.

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  They're like, you're so amazing. You changed my life. And I was like, fuck this Tennessee heat. And he's like, brother, you're telling me.

• 22:34Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  And then we went into it and he was smoking a cigarette and I was like smoking a joint. We're just like having a fucking hang.

• 22:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  And then they were like, Eddie, they're, they're gonna take you. And I went, hey, man, do you mind if I get a picture? And it ruined it.

• 22:45Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  You could just see his face be like.

• 22:48Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. You went from like a peer to a fan. Yeah. And that's why I was like, I don't think, if I would have done that again, I wouldn't have taken a picture.

• 22:58Mark Normand?

  Is that it?

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:59Mark Normand?

  Oh shit. Well, you got it.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  It wasn't worth it. Wasn't worth it.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Really? But you have that forever.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Look how fucking high I am.

• 23:05Mark Normand?

  Oh man, you look high.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  I am ripped.

• 23:07Mark Normand?

  You're like the Sham Wow guy.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I just lost a bunch of weight, so I was wearing these tight t-shirts. I was like, oh, I could finally wear tight t-shirts.

• 23:14Mark Normand?

  It's disgusting that that's nine years ago.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  I know. That's wild.

• 23:18Mark Normand?

  Yikes.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  And then when I did it, here's why I also felt bad. Get it out.

• 23:21Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, I felt it rumble in my hand. Um.

• 23:25Mark Normand?

  Squeaker.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  What sucks is everyone else started asking for pictures after I did it.

• 23:30Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  So it even, it ruined it even more. There was like five other people that wanted a picture and you're like. You were the Katrina Floodgate. Yeah.

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  Right. You were the levee.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. The levees broke.

• 23:39Mark Normand?

  What was that Louis story? You had that funny Louis, uh.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Back in the day?

• 23:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Woo. I am just now on good ground with Louis and I have not told him the story, but it's, it was an infamous one in our group of friends.

• 23:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  I don't remember it. So remember Comedy Village? The old Boston?

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  Boston on Third Street?

• 23:58Speaker 02

  A little bit. It was on Third Street. It wasn't CB's? No. No, CB's was, uh, McDougal. So it was like that way, like. It was on West Third. It was next to Il Malino.

• 24:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Yes. The firehouse. Yeah. And then became like Zink Bar?

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  I know. Yeah. And so it was the Comedy Village in, um, in the West Village.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  The old Boston, it was the old Boston Comedy Club. Yeah. And I used to bark, um, Monday nights, there was like a, a show there that this lady Daniella put on. And I would bark and List would host. Hey, alright. And this was like when we first started hanging out, it was 2007, 2008. And, uh, we'd drink a lot. Oh, yeah. Christie, the, the waitress would like feed us shots. Nice. That we couldn't afford. Yeah. So you'd do like a double shot of Jameson, and then my barking got real good. You're out there like, what are you doing? You wanna talk?

• 24:52Sam Morril?

  The legend of the drunken barker.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I found out at the, when I was barking, I found out it was like a cheat code. I could sit in the front of the place and smoke cigarettes and just hang out with all the comics. Like when it was warm out, everyone would just hang out front, and I could just like chill and hang out. Was it Voss and Keith and Norton? But it was Monday nights, so it was like Norton would come around and you'd be like, shh, but it was like me, List, Ira Proctor, Dan Bolger. Wow. Like, uh, you were, you would come around sometimes. A little bit, yeah. But once in a while, and then it was like Matt Ruby and a bunch of people would be there, just kinda hanging out. And List was opening for DePaulo, and, uh, List was like, I gotta go around to the Cellar, DePaulo's there, I gotta get my check from last weekend. And I was like, great. And he comes back like, he was hosting, so he like ran back out of breath, and he's like,

• 25:40Speaker 02

  Louis there. He's like, Louis there. And Louis was working on Chewed Up. Oh! So it was like he was building Chewed Up. And he's like, Louis doing sets, go tell him we got a show working. It was like maybe eight people. Yeah. And he's like, go tell him we got a show working. And I was like, oh, okay, way out of my. I see, he like, I'm gonna tell him at the well. I was like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. And he's like, you better go, boy, go get him. And, um, I went over there and Shaq, R.I.P. Shaq. Oh, yeah. The bouncer from the Cellar. Big J introduced me to him, so he was the only person I knew really on the staff at that point. General Giant. Yeah, dude, the best. Shaq was the best. And I was like, Shaq, can I go watch Louis' set? Is, is he on right now? And Shaq was like, yeah, he's on stage, I'll, I'll let you in.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  So he like walked me downstairs, I watched the back half of Louis' set from the hallway. Yeah. He got off, and I was drunk. I was like, I was pretty drunk.

• 26:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  We'd been drinking shots.

• 26:36Mark Normand?

  It's just a bad combo of drunk.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Excited.

• 26:38Mark Normand?

  And stardom.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Nervous.

• 26:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  And your idol is like, one of your, one of the comedy gods gets offstage.

• 26:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  And I was like, he got offstage and I was like, great, great set, Louis. And he's like, thanks, man. And I was like, the village is working. And he goes, what? And I go, the village is working. And he goes, I, I don't know. And I go, the village is working? Well, like, three times, I think.

• 27:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  And he like, looks at me in like, a very Louis way of like, and I go, I don't know what I'm talking about.

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  Either do I. And then he just turned around and walked up the steps. And that was it.

• 27:15Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  And dude, I came back. This is, this is something that's burned in my brain. This is something, because Joe is so animated.

• 27:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 02

  Like, stuff. And I'm walking down West Third, and I'm coming to the thing, and he's going like this. He's going.

• 27:32Speaker 02

  You know that list? He goes, he goes, what'd he say? Woo! He goes, is Louis coming?

• 27:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  Is Louis coming? And I go, I told him the village is working. And he goes, what?

• 27:42Speaker 02

  I told him the village is working. And List thinks about it, and he goes, we're in the village. And I go, I know. I just tried to sound cool.

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Doesn't make any sense. And that was it. And then anytime Louis would come around, I mean, I quit drinking, but anytime Louis would come around, I'd be like, ah, fuck.

• 27:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, we've all had the, you know, my famous one with Louis, where I'm opening for him, we're having a good time hanging out in his hotel room. I'm sitting on his bed, he's at the desk, List is in a chair, I think Wolf was there, somebody else. And I thought it'd be funny to rip a huge fart.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  And he flipped. He's like, what the fuck was that? I was like, you're Louis. You're like the fart jerk off guy. Like, who, what do you care? And he's like, you're on my bed.

• 28:20Sam Morril?

  We've been through this too, where like, on the Daily Show, there's a clip of him being like.

• 28:25Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 28:25Sam Morril?

  I find farts funny. You're an asshole.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:28Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:29Sam Morril?

  Mark literally got this. I'm sorry, what?

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Do you want to tell us what you did last Wednesday?

• 28:33Speaker 02

  No, what did I do?

• 28:34Speaker 03

  You did this show with Louis.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Oh, I did a show with Louis. Yeah, I've, I've like, done it, because of List, I've done a couple of shows with Louis, have not brought up the village is working.

• 28:41Mark Normand?

  No.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  I'm surprised List hasn't brought up the village is working.

• 28:43Mark Normand?

  I think he would find it funny at this point. Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  I think he would go like, oh, well, you're retarded. And I'd be like, yeah, I was, I was being stupid. I was being like, I was just so excited.

• 28:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  It was like, and you don't know what to say.

• 28:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  It's almost like you're hitting on a beautiful woman.

• 28:58Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Where you're like, I. I want to make you feel good.

• 29:02Mark Normand?

  Right, it's like the Eddie Vedder, you talk about the weather, you didn't go, "You're so pretty, let me take you out." You were like, "Hey, it's cold out," you know, but then you got the number at the end with the photo.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  I did, where I was like, "Thank you."

• 29:11Sam Morril?

  You can almost just jerk off before you talk to Louis.

• 29:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Empty the tank.

• 29:16Sam Morril?

  I don't care anymore.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  You go, "Oh, you're here?"

• 29:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  "Sorry, I want to talk to Dan Natterman."

• 29:22Speaker 02

  "Get out of my way."

• 29:23Sam Morril?

  You're nothing to me now.

• 29:24Mark Normand?

  Jerking off before you meet Louis, ironic.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  It, uh, yeah, that was like one of those things where we were coming up where I was like, "Fuck, fuck."

• 29:32Mark Normand?

  We've all had them.

• 29:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Have you had one?

• 29:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I've had a few. Well, yeah, I had one with Louis I'd rather not mention.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 29:39Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 29:39Sam Morril?

  But I have, uh, I remember I was in Conan once and Luke Wilson, just, I was just hammered afterwards. I was like...

• 29:46Speaker 02

  Cause you get excited.

• 29:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you know, I had a few, I had a couple of whiskies before I went on and I'm in the green room and Luke Wilson, you know, came back, super nice guy. He's like, "I'm gonna keep my eye on you." Never saw him again, of course, but in the moment, you're like, "Oh, cool."

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:01Sam Morril?

  And, uh, and I was drunk, so I was like, "Fucking Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore Hall of Fame." And, uh, no, I think I said Royal Tenenbaums and Old School. You're in the Hall of Fame for those two. And he was like, "Okay."

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. Okay is never good.

• 30:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was like, "Ah."

• 30:16Speaker 02

  Meeting, meeting someone and them going, "Okay."

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:20Sam Morril?

  I blew that one, yeah.

• 30:21Mark Normand?

  But they, they do forget. When I first met Seinfeld at the creek, I went to go see, uh, Colin Quinn's One Man when he was running it back in the day.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, Unconstitutional.

• 30:28Mark Normand?

  Yes. And Seinfeld's front row, cause he was directing it or producing it, something. And I went up to him and I went, "I was such a retard drunk, you know, 22-year-old." And I was like, "You know, I'm the master of my domain." And he just went...

• 30:42Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:44Sam Morril?

  He gave you his back.

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  He gave me the back. I'm sure he's heard that nine million times. It's Ned Beatty, ass rape quality.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Oh, the master of my domain. Yeah, you're right. You are hitting that one way too late.

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  I might as well have gone up and gone, "Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, na, na, na."

• 31:00Speaker 02

  He's like, "What is that? What are you doing?"

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  What's the deal?

• 31:04Speaker 02

  Why are you quoting an old episode?

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Stop!

• 31:10Mark Normand?

  What did I think was gonna happen? He'd go, "Oh shit, you know I'm ready."

• 31:14Speaker 02

  No one does that!

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 31:15Sam Morril?

  We should hang out.

• 31:16Mark Normand?

  We should hang.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  It's funny to watch our friends start to get that now. Like Shane gets people being like, "He's making them at night."

• 31:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  And Shane's like, "Uh huh." But every time I see that, I don't ever judge those people because I just think of me going, "The village is working."

• 31:34Speaker 02

  So like anytime I see someone Shane going, "I'm a dog Shane."

• 31:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  "I'm making them at night." And he's like, "All right." I'm like, "I get it buddy, 20 years you're gonna regret that."

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well what can you say? Because you want to show you know them, but you don't want to... I don't know, you got one opportunity, what do you say?

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't... That's gotta suck.

• 31:50Mark Normand?

  It's tough. You want to kill it.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Because you gotta be like okay about it.

• 31:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, that's a fan. You have to be nice to someone who is supporting your stuff.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, the coolest one I ever got was a Billions fan. It was after the end of like season three, where I turn on Bobby Axelrod. I like leave the company or whatever. And I was walking to Sirius XM and this old black dude goes, "Can't believe you did that, man." And I had my earbuds in and I went, "What's up?" And he goes, "Why'd you do that?" And I went, "Why did I do what?" He goes, "You turned your back on my man Axe." And I was like, "Oh yeah, no, I don't know, I'm sorry." An old black guy giving you props is like, "Thanks mister."

• 32:32Mark Normand?

  Right. This is why I'll never play a slave owner in a movie. Still, they think you're that guy.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:38Sam Morril?

  Well, that's why Brad Pitt wisely cast himself as the guy who freed the slave.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  By the way, he didn't wisely cast that. He was the producer.

• 32:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  And he gave himself.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  That's the move though.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  He was like, "Hey, could you put me in the movie as the guy that only makes women come?"

• 32:52Speaker 02

  I just don't want to be anything else.

• 32:53Sam Morril?

  By the way, that's all of his movies anyway.

• 32:55Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  But no, I love that he's just like, he's got one scene and he's like, I'm gonna free you.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  I'm Canadian, so I've got none of this blood on my hands. Cause he does, he comes in in 12 years as a slave and he's like, I've got blood on, dude.

• 33:06Mark Normand?

  I mean, DiCaprio's got a couple of big N-bombs out there in Django.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Well, this, I was actually just reading about how, uh, he was uncomfortable with the script of Django and Samuel L. Jackson was like, no, say it.

• 33:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 33:19Sam Morril?

  He does that to people, yeah. He, he wants you to say it.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Say it!

• 33:22Sam Morril?

  To make you uncomfortable.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  I was just watching, ever see this movie, Deep Cover with Laurence Fishburne?

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 33:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, never.

• 33:28Sam Morril?

  There's an opening scene where, you know, it's all these like, black guys auditioning to be this undercover agent and, uh, there's this white guy interviewing them and he goes, uh, what's the difference between an N-word and a black person? And he keeps asking him and one guy punches him, another guy like freaks out. And this, here it is. And I was like, I was watching, I'm like, hopefully there's more to this guy's role.

• 33:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  Dude, that's crazy. He went in and had to read that?

• 33:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  He goes, can we not do that scene? Can we do the other scene? And they go, do the scene.

• 33:57Sam Morril?

  They're like, there was some background noise, we need you to say it again. He's like, fuck.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  And these, these cameras are recording?

• 34:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, plane went by.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Room tone.

• 34:07Sam Morril?

  But there's like a callback in the end to it where Fishburne gets him basically.

• 34:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 34:12Sam Morril?

  He gets him in the end, but it's like.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  He goes, that's the difference.

• 34:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:15Mark Normand?

  Well, who's, who would rather play this or Ned Beatty's role?

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Oh, great question.

• 34:19Sam Morril?

  Damn, that is tough.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  Uh, that role. Cause you're not getting raped.

• 34:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's a fake rape. That's a real N-word.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  I don't care though, but like we were saying, people believe it's real.

• 34:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  Guys would just walk up to you and be like, do they have to sew your asshole back together?

• 34:33Sam Morril?

  And I feel like black people give Leo props. Like, Roy Wood even has that bit.

• 34:36Mark Normand?

  That's a great bit.

• 34:37Sam Morril?

  About him being like, we, we need guys like you to tell the story, basically.

• 34:42Mark Normand?

  Well, that's why Louis' bit of goodbye Jews. That is like, I never even thought about the audition process till that bit.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:48Mark Normand?

  Goodbye Jews!

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:50Sam Morril?

  Julie Art.

• 34:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  It is so funny because like actors are very liberal and very like, you know, I don't want to hurt, is this a safe space? And then they have to say wild ass.

• 35:01Mark Normand?

  I know, that's true.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Okay, here we go. Get down there, you damn.

• 35:09Mark Normand?

  I know, that's why I'm so glad. I think we're all safe here. We've never done a photo of us in blackface.

• 35:14Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 35:15Mark Normand?

  Because like every time a Kimmel thing, or a Sarah Silverman thing, or a Jimmy Fallon thing, it always bubbles right back up and you're like, god damn it. That's gonna live forever.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Well, you know, yeah, and it really is a picture says a thousand words.

• 35:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  And it's all the N-word.

• 35:31Mark Normand?

  That's the difference, right there.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  That's the picture.

• 35:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and that's gotta suck. And I don't think Jimmy Kimmel's a racist. I don't think Sarah Silverman's a racist, or Fallon, but he's like, that photo just lives.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, at what point do you go like, because you can't really get mad at it, because you did it.

• 35:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  Kimmel's, it was the, the Karl Malone.

• 35:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Who's, why they call it diabetes? Karl Malone thinks they need to call it liverbeeties. That sounds a lot better than diabetes. Look out, world, I got liverbeeties.

• 36:00Sam Morril?

  But then some people are getting more mad at Kimmel for this than they are at Karl Malone for fucking a 12-year-old.

• 36:06Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  That 12-year-old produced an NFL caliber tackle, so.

• 36:10Mark Normand?

  Wait, who's this 12-year-old?

• 36:11Speaker 02

  His kid ended up going.

• 36:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 36:14Speaker 02

  His kid played it in the NFL. Karl Malone's illegitimate son played in the NFL. And then once he made it to the NFL, Karl Malone was like, yeah, he's mine.

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:23Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's the best case scenario, I guess.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Oh, that's actually his real son. I'm talking about, look up his, the one from his, uh, from the, from the grape.

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  A 12?

• 36:34Speaker 02

  From the Stat Story Grape. I'm talking TikTok now.

• 36:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  I'm gonna unalive myself.

• 36:39Mark Normand?

  I had segs.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Typing Karl Malone rape baby. I don't know, that's probably a way. Sorry, grape baby. That sounds racist.

• 36:46Sam Morril?

  KarlMaloneRapeBaby.com, there's a website.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  RapeBaby.com.

• 36:51Mark Normand?

  Dot net now. Oh, that's him, alright.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  No, Karl Malone Jr. Okay. His name isn't Karl Malone Jr.

• 36:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they don't usually take the name.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, they don't have, it's not his name. It was-

• 37:03Mark Normand?

  His name's Rape Baby Malone?

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Uh, it was, yeah, there it is. At age 20, Karl Malone had a child with a 13-year-old.

• 37:10Mark Normand?

  Thirteen!

• 37:10Sam Morril?

  Which means he fucked her when she was 12.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  And, you should look it up. The guy's name, I'm, I'm mad, I'm such a pothead, I usually know the guy's name. But he played, it's what? Yes.

• 37:20Mark Normand?

  Damn, good name.

• 37:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Demetrius Bell. That's exactly who it was.

• 37:24Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Played in the NFL. And, played in the NFL a while. Like, had a career.

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  And, once he was finally in the NFL, Karl Malone was like, "Is he in the NFL?" "Yeah, that was my baby."

• 37:35Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  But it's wild.

• 37:38Mark Normand?

  So the mom's like, what, 28 now?

• 37:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's, she's still out there.

• 37:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Sam Morril?

  She's younger than him somehow.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  Right. Demetrius Bell.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, isn't that wild?

• 37:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Damn.

• 37:51Sam Morril?

  Man, sports are cool, man.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  But you're also like, if you're a rape baby, how mad are you that the rapist isn't in professional athlete caliber DNA?

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  You're like, "Ah, my mom got raped by a fat little slug-

• 38:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  -at the bar, and now I'm, you know?"

• 38:06Mark Normand?

  Is that how they do it at the clinic? "Well, he's an athlete, I think he should keep it."

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, keep it.

• 38:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  What's, uh, what's your, what's the rapist's 40? You go, "4-4," and you go, "Ah!"

• 38:16Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Might want to keep it.

• 38:18Sam Morril?

  A Boyhood episode of Law and Order SVU? Over time, huh?

• 38:22Speaker 02

  Dong, dong.

• 38:22Mark Normand?

  It sounds like a perfect Republican argument. Like, "Hey, hey, you might be in the NFL one day, don't abort him."

• 38:27Speaker 02

  One out of-

• 38:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  500,000?

• 38:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's always, "He might cure cancer," that's always the go-to.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. But that was, when you find that out, you're like, "Yeah, that sucks."

• 38:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You ever paid for an abortion?

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Paid, no.

• 38:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got them for free, eh?

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. I do them myself. There's wire hangers for a reason.

• 38:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude. Tells. You gotta get, it's hard to get them off the thing, but, you know.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  It is crazy. I used a wire hanger recently to, uh, something fell down our sink, and I, it was like, right, you know where the, where the pipe-

• 38:58Mark Normand?

  Curves?

• 38:59Speaker 02

  The curves?

• 38:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  It was there. It was like a long, and I was like, "Oh, I can get it," and we had, from the dry cleaners, we had it, and as I was undoing it, I was like, "Crazy that people used to do abortions with these things."

• 39:09Mark Normand?

  Insane. I think about that all the time.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  It's just like-

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  Wow, I'm just saying.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  Not when you hold your son. I can't believe a coat hanger could have got rid of you.

• 39:18Mark Normand?

  I saved 350 bucks.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Have you paid for one?

• 39:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, twice.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  The first one didn't take.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Morning and after pill.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  A morning and after pill, or, or Plan, yeah, the Plan B is like, if you haven't paid for those, what are you doing?

• 39:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a must.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  It's crazy that you can just get that like that, but Ritalin, you need a prescription.

• 39:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  What, you can just get a thing that'll destroy a baby? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. It's just like, you have to go to the pharmacist, but they just give it to you. It is a mulligan. Yeah.

• 39:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:46Speaker 02

  Can I get a mulligan? I think I came in a lady.

• 39:49Mark Normand?

  It's a wash.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 39:50Mark Normand?

  You just do it like as a precautionary thing.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  You go, you take one, I'll take one.

• 39:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Don't do anything to me, but hey. She tried to split it with me. I was like, nah, it's probably my fault. I'll pay for it.

• 39:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  I have bought, I have bought, uh, Plan B pills. Yeah. I remember, that was like when I had no money, and there, and she was like, I think, and you're like, yeah, we'll, we'll take a walk to CVS.

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  And you're like, 50 bucks? You know what I mean? And they're like, holy shit! She tries to throw an orbit too. You're like, nah, just the pill. No, I want a, I want a Sobe. You don't get the white Sobe with the, with the abortion pill.

• 40:27Mark Normand?

  What do you think would happen if you gave a morning and after pill to an infant?

• 40:30Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 40:31Mark Normand?

  Just let him eat it.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  He gets twice as strong?

• 40:34Speaker 02

  Oh no, he's growing!

• 40:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Wah!

• 40:37Mark Normand?

  They should also make them in like a dispenser. If you buy like 10 of them, you should get like a cool...

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Pez?

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like Pez.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  A baby's head? Or like a punch card?

• 40:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 40:45Speaker 02

  They go, 10, 10 Plan Bs, you get a free abortion.

• 40:47Mark Normand?

  Well, remember how in Wayne's World, he had the licorice thing on the roof?

• 40:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:50Mark Normand?

  He came up with morning and after pill.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  God, that was awesome.

• 40:53Mark Normand?

  Call it up!

• 40:53Speaker 02

  You could technically stock up on those.

• 40:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, why not?

• 40:56Speaker 02

  I wonder what the expiration date is on that? I also think those things are probably gonna be off the shelf soon.

• 41:00Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 41:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:01Mark Normand?

  With Trump?

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Not in New York. Not, I mean, dude, you don't know. Yeah. You have no idea. They could restrict.

• 41:07Mark Normand?

  I feel like I could make my own. Get a little aid in there.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  You just have rubber gloves on and goggles?

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  You just hand her a bottle of whiskey? Yeah. You go, drink that, but you gotta drink it all at once.

• 41:17Mark Normand?

  Odeca cat.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Plan B, liquid Plan B.

• 41:22Mark Normand?

  By the way, Plan B is the name of Brad Pitt's production company.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  That which is wild.

• 41:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's Plan B.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Which is wild, why would you do that?

• 41:29Sam Morril?

  If it dies, then he has no one to blame.

• 41:31Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  That's the name of the drug.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Is RU486.

• 41:35Mark Normand?

  I bet it took 486.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  RU486 and a baby?

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 41:41Sam Morril?

  It should be called RU187.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  It is funny thinking about calling an abortion 86-ing a baby.

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Hey guys, we're 86th on infant. Like a restaurant?

• 41:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  We're slammed, we're 86th on baby.

• 41:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa, RU486, that's brilliant.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  You see Brad Pitt?

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  Plan B.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Called Plan B and they're like, oh Brad, you've never had to use that.

• 42:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Any girl he's spunked in, she's been like, I'm holding it.

• 42:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  They just plug her pussy.

• 42:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 42:12Sam Morril?

  That's weird that he adopted too.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Well, they had actual babies.

• 42:15Mark Normand?

  He had a few of his own.

• 42:16Sam Morril?

  But they adopted.

• 42:17Mark Normand?

  Well, they wanted some ethnics, you know, it's Hollywood. You gotta score.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Look at that cast.

• 42:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:23Sam Morril?

  Like a college catalog, look at that.

• 42:24Mark Normand?

  Apparently, they all hate him now.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  Really?

• 42:28Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 42:30Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 42:30Mark Normand?

  No, you think it's a megastar.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  I feel like they do that with celebrities' kids all the time, where they go like, you know, all of his kids are trans.

• 42:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 42:37Mark Normand?

  A couple of Elons, I think, are trans.

• 42:39Sam Morril?

  One, I think one.

• 42:40Mark Normand?

  One.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:41Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's a numbers game, at a certain point, you're gonna hit, you can't be like pro-population and anti-trans, you're gonna hit trans.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, Shiloh, Jolie Pitt, has said, she would like to be called John.

• 42:52Mark Normand?

  There you go, because I think he roughed her up a bit.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  But what hap- where was that when we were kids? I knew a ton of kids that got beat, they didn't switch it.

• 42:59Mark Normand?

  He beat the mom, I mean.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  Oh, so they, Shiloh wants to switch to Amanda to defend her mom.

• 43:06Mark Normand?

  Right, I guess so. I always say, she went to the press about getting beat up by him in First Rule of Fight Club. Can't talk about it.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  That's why he was mad?

• 43:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  Why did you do that? Why did you do that?

• 43:22Mark Normand?

  I'm Bob, I have bitched it.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Oh, he had the Grammys thing, Kanye West's relationship with his wife is just abuse.

• 43:28Mark Normand?

  What's going on here with the nudes?

• 43:30Speaker 02

  It's like, I don't give a fuck who you are, you can't pitch it to me that it's anything other than wild abuse.

• 43:38Mark Normand?

  You don't think she likes showing her body?

• 43:41Mark Normand?

  I'm just playing devil's angle.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Oh, I know. And I know there are people that are going like, I love that kink, but it's like, there was one picture I saw-

• 43:47Sam Morril?

  It's a hard kink to pull off. We're gonna walk the red carpet.

• 43:50Mark Normand?

  Look at these nubs!

• 43:51Sam Morril?

  You gotta be pretty famous.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  I mean, her tits are giant.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  Those are, that's unbelievable.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  Isn't it weird she looks exactly like Kim Kardashian?

• 43:57Mark Normand?

  A little.

• 43:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  If you had an ex and she started dating a guy that was like, hey, this is, uh, this is Ted.

• 44:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  He just looks like you. And you're like, what are you doing?

• 44:07Sam Morril?

  I'd be flattered.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  You would?

• 44:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a little bit. Or maybe not. Maybe it would mean that my personality was that bad. That you have to go-

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Well, I think Kim broke up with him, right?

• 44:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Well, he went cuckoo.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  It's not medicated.

• 44:19Mark Normand?

  This is a better option, because she's not as famous. She's not as high maintenance, probably. She does whatever he wants, and her tits are bigger.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  So funny, though, that she's just like in comfy sweats.

• 44:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  And he's like, we're gonna go get dinner. And she's like, do you want me to put on the plastic six-pack we got?

• 44:37Speaker 02

  He's like, yeah, squeeze your titties in them s- plastic six-pack.

• 44:40Mark Normand?

  That is unreal.

• 44:42Sam Morril?

  He started tweeting again, and it was like literally when they dropped the Luka trade news, which is so funny that like, he thought he was gonna make a bigger splash, but everyone's like, oh my god, Luka!

• 44:51Speaker 02

  The biggest trade in NBA history.

• 44:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  And you go like, what, Kanye? And he goes, I'm crazy! I am a god! And you're like, yeah, Luka's on the Lakers. Shut the fuck up.

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  Well, he tweeted, uh, "I was gonna fuck Kamala, but I don't fuck losers." That was like his first tweet back.

• 45:06Sam Morril?

  And he misspelled it.

• 45:07Mark Normand?

  Nah!

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Nah, you want that one back.

• 45:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Mark Normand?

  What is this a relief for? I love that there's like a charity behind her.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  It's so funny. Really, just get her clothes. Throw an army blanket on that woman.

• 45:19Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 45:19Sam Morril?

  It's to get people clothed after.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  There was one time-

• 45:22Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 45:22Sam Morril?

  In Los Angeles.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  She was just naked one time, holding like a stuffed cat. And she just had to walk around like that. You're like, that's your outfit?

• 45:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  She's holding, you're just like a scared kid after a nightmare, but you're naked?

• 45:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 45:35Sam Morril?

  It's gotta be a tough existence to be in a relationship with.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  Kanye has to suck to hang out with.

• 45:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, of course.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Name's Sensory?

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, which is, Katie finds that the funniest thing. She goes,

• 45:45Speaker 03

  What the fuck is going on?

• 45:46Speaker 02

  A lady named Sensory, which sounds Italian for censor-

• 45:49Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Is all- I've never seen her not naked.

• 45:52Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  That one right there, where you're like, what is that?

• 45:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's too on the nose, like Anthony Weiner.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, showing his dick.

• 45:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Bernie Madoff, yeah.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's just like, yeah, dude, Madoff, I didn't even think of that.

• 46:05Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's crazy.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  It's just gotta be, I, like, obviously Kanye's a musical genius, he's a musical genius. But then at one point, it's like, this is like when a hot lady starts ruining someone's life.

• 46:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  And you go like, well, what's it worth? He's like, well, she's so hot. And you go, but outside of that.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:24Sam Morril?

  I mean, he looks like a Mortal Kombat villain. What the fuck's he wearing?

• 46:27Mark Normand?

  He does, although Yoko wasn't hot and fucked shit up, so.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:32Mark Normand?

  Better to go hot and fuck up, I guess.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, but like that hat? What's she wearing?

• 46:37Mark Normand?

  The chainmail?

• 46:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:38Sam Morril?

  This is strange.

• 46:38Mark Normand?

  Look at this guy, he's like a hefty bag.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  He really does just always dress like a five-year-old that got into his parents' closet. He's like, I'm wearing oversized boots and my dad's suit jacket.

• 46:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm going to work like daddy. And you're like, sure. I mean, you wonder if he ever got medicated, if he would have been like, I made her do what?

• 46:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  You know, like you want him to snap back, snag back to reality and be like, oh, that was like kinda mean.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

  It's a lot to look back on.

• 47:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:05Sam Morril?

  I mean, it would take a few days.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  Days, it would take years.

• 47:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:09Mark Normand?

  I'd love.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  If his head evened out?

• 47:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  He would be like, what was I doing?

• 47:14Mark Normand?

  It's like a blackout where you're like, what did I do?

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 47:17Sam Morril?

  I said, what about the juice?

• 47:18Speaker 02

  He wakes up, he wakes up, he's like, oh, what are these teeth?

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Where's my wife?

• 47:24Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  My kids are all how old? And she's like, do you want me to grab the floss and wear it as a jacket?

• 47:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  He's like, yeah.

• 47:32Mark Normand?

  He's like, why am I?

• 47:33Sam Morril?

  It was all a bad dream. She's like, no, I really fucked Pete Davidson.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Fuck, I was really hoping that wasn't true.

• 47:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  But like with his new wife, there was like, when he got in trouble, like his old assistant sued him. And she said that he would tell Kanye would tell his wife that he wants to fuck her mom.

• 47:51Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  I don't know if that's true. That's just something I read online. But he was like, I want to fuck your mom. And you're like, that's so funny. Just to do that to someone you're dating, being like, I want to fuck your mom. And she's like, alright. Like, at what point do you go like, you can't be like, yeah, it's hot, baby. Yeah, baby, you want my fucking mommy?

• 48:09Sam Morril?

  It's a dude who watches too much porn.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  Because in porn, that's cool, but in real life, that's fucking disgusting. That's incest.

• 48:16Mark Normand?

  It also feels like a Seinfeld premise, like of an episode where they're like, how do I get out of this relationship, Jerry? Say you want to fuck his mom.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's into it.

• 48:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. She's into it.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. Someone said a long time ago, uh, one of my buddies, who's black, so this counts more.

• 48:31Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  He was like, yeah, Kanye's a nerd. He's like, Kanye's just a nerd and he just got access to everything, so he's acting like a nerd would. Where he'd be like, I make hot girls dress crazy.

• 48:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  It's not cool, though. And he's like, it is cool to me.

• 48:45Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  I got silver teeth.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  That's Sinsori's mom.

• 48:49Mark Normand?

  The mom's cute.

• 48:50Sam Morril?

  She is hot.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Alright Kanye, we're back in on you. She's wearing a Red Rocket Pop dress?

• 48:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Like to break her over the counter. What does she think of the daughter is the question? Like, we gotta get the daughter to go on Call Her Daddy.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Dude, they will do, I'm telling you right now, there will be a documentary in like 15 years where she's like, this is what happened.

• 49:11Mark Normand?

  I hope so.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  This is the abuse, this is why I did it, the money or whatever.

• 49:15Sam Morril?

  A lot of drugs, probably.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Probably like, yeah. Well, they said that rumor that, uh, he's addicted to nitrous.

• 49:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 49:22Sam Morril?

  What does that do, what does that do to you?

• 49:23Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 49:24Mark Normand?

  It's like a whip it.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  I don't, I genuinely don't know, but when people say that, whenever someone's addicted to a drug, I don't know what they do, I don't judge them. Because I go like, I don't know what that would do to you.

• 49:32Mark Normand?

  I'm on ketamine.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  Ketamine.

• 49:34Mark Normand?

  You know what that does?

• 49:35Speaker 02

  What?

• 49:36Mark Normand?

  Okay, so you can't judge me.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  Oh, well, how much ketamine do you?

• 49:39Mark Normand?

  I'm just kidding. I don't.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  I had friends that used to do lines of ketamine in high school.

• 49:42Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 49:43Sam Morril?

  Isn't that what killed Matthew Perry?

• 49:44Speaker 02

  It's like horse tranquilizer.

• 49:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they would do it off a key. Is that what killed him?

• 49:48Speaker 02

  Uh, I think it was a mix. I think old Chandler Bing had a cocktail in him.

• 49:52Mark Normand?

  Could I be any more fucked up?

• 49:55Speaker 02

  He, uh, but they, like ketamine, I remember back in the day was the drug that when the friends I knew that did it, I was like, oh, that's way too hard.

• 50:04Mark Normand?

  Same, same.

• 50:04Sam Morril?

  But it seems like it's more.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  He was high concentration of drug ketamine in his blood.

• 50:09Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Fell asleep in the hot tub?

• 50:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:14Mark Normand?

  No, he fell asleep in that fountain in the opening of.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Boom, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

• 50:20Mark Normand?

  That would be a great parody, just seeing Schumer like, he's not, he's not okay.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  We gotta revive him, they rip his tuxedo open.

• 50:27Mark Normand?

  Joey's like, how you doing? I'm dying here. I'm fucking dying.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  So no one told you ketamine was gonna kill you.

• 50:38Mark Normand?

  That's what they're doing above, wake up.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  So no one told you ketamine was gonna stop your heart?

• 50:48Speaker 02

  That's fucked up. Have you done ketamine?

• 50:49Mark Normand?

  No, I've never done it.

• 50:50Sam Morril?

  Have you done it?

• 50:51Mark Normand?

  I've never snorted anything.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  I can't snort stuff.

• 50:53Sam Morril?

  Snorting freaks me out.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Uppers make me obnoxious. I'm already obnoxious and I smoke a lot of weed. So like, an upper would just be a nightmare for people.

• 51:00Sam Morril?

  Caffeine's great too. I'm good with just caffeine.

• 51:02Mark Normand?

  Caffeine and booze, yeah, that's a big boy.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  Caffeine and weed are exactly what I love. The perfect balance.

• 51:08Sam Morril?

  Together?

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 51:09Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Love to get high, then have a coffee.

• 51:11Mark Normand?

  That's nice.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  It's real nice.

• 51:13Sam Morril?

  So you can, you're like a productive pothead.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  Kind of, kind of.

• 51:17Mark Normand?

  You get juiced up, I notice. When you smoke, you're like up and at them.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  I have fun with it. I like, it, it's, when you quit booze, you gotta have something.

• 51:25Sam Morril?

  Can you write high?

• 51:26Speaker 02

  I prefer to.

• 51:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 51:28Speaker 02

  I prefer, I, what I do is like, I think like a lot of my premises and stuff that like I know I wanna talk about is I write sober. But like punchlines are like, when you, when you, when a joke goes a different way, weed kinda helps me be like, oh, I never thought about it from that angle.

• 51:43Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Carlin used to do that.

• 51:45Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Carlin used to write and then he would smoke a joint and go back over his writing and be like, oh, I could like, I could like put this in. Cause I think it just makes you sillier and weirder. So you like come up with a joke where you're like, oh, yeah.

• 51:56Mark Normand?

  Takes the filters off a little bit. Sometimes you're writing like, this sucks, I suck, with the weed just kinda in it.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  Big Jay, uh, told me one time, he likes to get high before he goes on stage because when he riffs, he's more likely to say something that'll make him laugh. And then when it connects to the audience, he's like, oh, that's genuine.

• 52:11Sam Morril?

  It depends who you are though, cause I, I've tried it once and I was like, yeah, this ain't, this ain't my drug.

• 52:16Speaker 02

  Oh, I've had bad experiences, like doing standup and writing high.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  It's like sometimes you're like, oh, this is all so stupid.

• 52:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  I'm so stupid. And then it's down the, down the tube.

• 52:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I did shrooms before a set once.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 52:31Mark Normand?

  That was bad.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Were you peaking when you went on or were you like getting high as?

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  I was getting high and then kind of peaking and got off.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. I did, uh, this is like 2012, maybe 2000, it might've been a little later than that. Ari did his, this is not happening. And he was like, we're all gonna do mushrooms.

• 52:52Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  And do a story about doing mushrooms. So Ari showed up with the mushrooms. I was there first out of everybody. He was like, hey, will you go first? And I was like, sure. We ate the mushrooms. I went on stage and I was telling a story about when I got pulled over in high school on mushrooms by a cop. And they let us go. And it was like crazy. But I was like, onstage and felt so good. I was like comparing things and I was like, ah. And then this light on the stairway turned on.

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  Cause it was at that strip club.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  The cheetah one.

• 53:23Mark Normand?

  Cheetahs.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  The one upstairs. And a light on the stair turned on and it, for some reason.

• 53:27Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's what did it.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Got my attention and then I spiraled.

• 53:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  It spiraled.

• 53:32Sam Morril?

  It was a cop's flashlight you were, you were driving.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  I was like, ah, I'm back, I'm back.

• 53:36Mark Normand?

  Fuck, I'm on a stage.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  I just looked over and I was like, huh? And then everything, I was like, are you guys? And then I felt like my pupil.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 53:45Sam Morril?

  Was this, did you, was it on T?

• 53:47Speaker 02

  I think you just shit your pants.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  That was bad.

• 53:48Sam Morril?

  Were you, were you on TV for this one or was just a live show?

• 53:52Speaker 02

  This was like way before he did it as a TV show.

• 53:54Sam Morril?

  I mean, thank, I would hate to be doing a TV tape.

• 53:56Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  No.

• 53:58Mark Normand?

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• 54:42Mark Normand?

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• 54:50Speaker 04

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• 55:48Sam Morril?

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• 56:39Mark Normand?

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• 58:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, TV taping. Did you ever do one drunk or like buzzed? A special or like a TV? Like a late set? A couple of Conans I had, I've had a couple of whiskies in me because they would just have whiskey there.

• 58:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 58:45Sam Morril?

  I have a few glasses. They had a full bar. I think my best set on there, I was buzzed.

• 58:49Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 58:49Sam Morril?

  I was just so loose. I knew the jokes like the back of my hand because they were just, I'd been doing them for a while and I didn't really think about it. And that was like, that was a really good one. That was like Burr and Bill Hader were on that show too. It was a cool one to be on. I got to follow Bill Burr.

• 59:05Mark Normand?

  Great whites.

• 59:05Sam Morril?

  It was fun. Yeah. And, but yeah, I don't.

• 59:10Sam Morril?

  I don't think high would freak me the fuck out.

• 59:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course. Well, that Conan shit, they leave you in that back room for like three hours.

• 59:16Sam Morril?

  With that jug of, remember that jug of popcorn?

• 59:18Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, I always took that.

• 59:20Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I would eat half of it while I was there and I'd go on like, ugh.

• 59:23Mark Normand?

  But you're just ruminating back there. You're like, oh, hopeless go, what if I forget my jokes? What if I'm gay?

• 59:28Speaker 02

  The first time I did it, Nate was with me, so it was easy, because we were just sitting around talking. And Nate knew everybody, because Nate had done Conan so much.

• 59:37Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  So Nate just, like, it was like Nate worked there.

• 59:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  He just like knew everybody. And then it went so well, the second time I did it, I was like, I don't need anybody with me. And that was the biggest mistake I made.

• 59:45Mark Normand?

  Huge.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  Because then I was just sitting by myself, like you said, forever.

• 59:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  And then you're like, ah, ah.

• 59:52Mark Normand?

  Speaking, oh, sorry.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  What were you saying?

• 59:54Mark Normand?

  Well, speaking of Nate, we just went to his hotel room in Tribeca. How cra- it was like a, it was like a lair in the side of a mountain.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  It's un- it was unbelievable. It was the coolest hotel room I've ever been in in my life.

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  Greenwich?

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  The Greenwich Hotel.

• 1:00:05Mark Normand?

  Nice hotel. I think it's owned by De Niro?

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  It's next to the Tribeca offices. It's fucking cra-.

• 1:00:12Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  The room, the penthouse he was in, was cra-.

• 1:00:16Sam Morril?

  Was he just staying there for kicks, or was he filming something?

• 1:00:19Mark Normand?

  He was filming that Billy Geist thing, whatever that was.

• 1:00:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, Willie Geist.

• 1:00:23Mark Normand?

  Willie Geist, sorry.

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  Willie Geist, yeah, he did the Willie Geist show.

• 1:00:26Mark Normand?

  But that, I mean, he got us all food, and we had a big screen TV, we watched.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  It was like, it was like a foreign dignitary.

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  It's not like the president of like, a foreign country was there, and you're like, we're gonna bring in sandwiches that he likes.

• 1:00:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  Great.

• 1:00:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he had like a sauna on the roof, he had his own greenhouse.

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  I took a picture of the hotel, like I was, or of the hot tub on the roof when I was out there smoking weed. I was like, this is insane.

• 1:00:49Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  So he does, oh, he does own it.

• 1:00:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. Okay. I mean, that place was beautiful, so hip.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  Type in the, type in the.

• 1:01:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Uh, the, type in the Greenwich Hotel penthouse.

• 1:01:03Sam Morril?

  Grumbling right there, he pulled it up.

• 1:01:05Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  See if you can see the penthouse, because it was crazy.

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  I mean, that pool looks kinda cool.

• 1:01:12Speaker 02

  It's got images. Man, that's a cool front desk.

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right when, uh, Dan walked in, they were like,

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, there it is.

• 1:01:19Mark Normand?

  You're here for Nate.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, we sat right there. We sat on that couch eating sandwiches. That was one of the rooms.

• 1:01:24Mark Normand?

  That was just one of the living rooms.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Look at that window.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  That's where we watched. The TV was against the window.

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Louis Katz sat there. Or you did, maybe.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  I almost farted. And by farted, I mean shit my pants. Um, it was crazy. It was one of those places that there, that's exactly where we were.

• 1:01:39Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Nate was on that chair on the right.

• 1:01:41Mark Normand?

  Right, you're right.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Ari was on the chair on the left. It was, uh, it was one of those hotels where I was like, I'll never be back in here.

• 1:01:47Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  There'll never be a, there'll never be another situation where I'm back in this fucking penthouse.

• 1:01:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was one of those ones where the elevator opens to the room.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Ooh, that's, I like that. Dude, halfway up in the elevator, uh, assistant, Nate's assistant was like, you're here for Nate, right? What if I'm not? If I'm not, you're in big trouble.

• 1:02:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right. We looked so shitty, cause they're all dressed up, bow ties and work like Carhartt.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  So nice.

• 1:02:10Speaker 03

  What was the hang like, though?

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  It was fun. It was all us. It was all people we knew. It was like me, Norman, Sal, Louis Katz, Nate.

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  Ari.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Ari.

• 1:02:18Mark Normand?

  Just a good chopping the, chopping the shit, chopping the shit? Is that a thing?

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Shooting the shit.

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  Shooting the shit, chopping it up and, uh, doing a lot of shit talking and comedy business.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  It was great.

• 1:02:28Mark Normand?

  It was great.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  It's always fun, cause it's fun to like, talk to Nate where you go like, yeah, you still got that in you.

• 1:02:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  You see him doing well. Yeah, yeah, then you talk and you go like, you ain't ever gonna lose that.

• 1:02:38Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  Comics never lose that. You seen this motherfucker's shit? And you go, tell me about it.

• 1:02:43Mark Normand?

  He's in the most expensive hotel. He's, he's doing a Christmas special. He's doing arenas and he's like, this guy never supported me. He never helped me on the way up. I had to do it all on my own.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Nah, but it was, it was, it was a fun hang and that hotel was wild.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  I mean, that never goes away, but this shit helps.

• 1:03:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell, yeah.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  I mean, that's nuts. I'm doing a couple of dates with, you're doing some dates with Shane, right?

• 1:03:04Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm doing a couple.

• 1:03:05Mark Normand?

  You doing Minneapolis?

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  Doing Colorado, Utah, DC, and Cleveland.

• 1:03:13Mark Normand?

  Woo, that's gonna be fun.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's fun. He was like, he was just like, he wants to bring all his friends on the road.

• 1:03:18Sam Morril?

  That's cool, man.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  He was like, hey, you wanna do some dates? I was like, fuck yeah, dude. I'm doing one of those dates I know is with James McCann and Big Jay.

• 1:03:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's killer.

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  So that's gonna be a fun fucking.

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Love McCann. See, that's the beauty of Shane. He never really changed either, cuz he's, he's having celebrities hit him up. We're like bombing in front of Eddie Vedder and he's, Bradley Cooper's like, you wanna hang out?

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  They get like giddy around him.

• 1:03:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Shane home.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  Hi, can I hang out with you Shane? He's like, yeah, I guess.

• 1:03:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, alright Drake.

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  It was funny watching him, he took me to a barbecue two years ago, uh, on Long Island with some 49ers.

• 1:03:51Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  And it was Kyle Juszczyk, it was Kyle Juszczyk's house and George Kittle was there.

• 1:03:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I met, I met him through Shane once too.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  And they're like, so funny cuz they're like, love Shane and you're like, I love you guys so much. I'm such a big 49ers fan, you guys are the best. But it was, then you have to like lose it after a while. When you're at a barbecue with them, you're kinda like, ah, you're a regular guy. Also, I've met him before, so.

• 1:04:11Sam Morril?

  The good thing about being a Giants fan is not a lot of football players, uh, star-strike me at this point.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  Well, they were at the Cellar the other night.

• 1:04:17Sam Morril?

  Who?

• 1:04:17Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  The New York Giants.

• 1:04:18Sam Morril?

  Which one?

• 1:04:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  They were being a problem.

• 1:04:20Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:04:22Sam Morril?

  Not in the field, they're not.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, I wish I would've known, it was the Village Underground, they were at the VU and they were, when you're on stage, they were in the right, in that like back corner room. Where that, that back is usually where people get noisy cuz they feel so removed from the show.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  And the bars right there.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  So they were like talking, this, my set was fine, but I could hear them talking and I didn't go after it and then I got offstage and I was like, yo, what's up with that group in the right corner? And they go, oh, that's the New York Giants. And I was like, I wish I would've known that, cuz I would've talked so much shit.

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  I would've immediately been like, hey, you gotta win more than seven games if you're gonna interrupt the show.

• 1:04:57Sam Morril?

  I don't think we came close to seven.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  That's what I mean.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  Three?

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. It would have been fun.

• 1:05:03Mark Normand?

  They can't even tang properly.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  It's brutal.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  That is the weird part about the cellar is sometimes there's celebrities there that you don't have any interest in.

• 1:05:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  You'll bump into and they'll just be like, good set. And you're like, oh, fuck. All right. Uh, I'm trying to think of one of the weirdest ones. One time I was bombing in Bill Maher.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  Esti walked Bill Maher into the room.

• 1:05:22Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  Years ago and I was like, ah, I don't even like this guy, but this sucks.

• 1:05:27Mark Normand?

  This guy's bombing, okay?

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:05:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? That's your set?

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  Oh, you're doing subway material?

• 1:05:35Mark Normand?

  I had a, one time I met Spike Jones there.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  That's cool.

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  That was pretty cool. Uh, Matt Damon, he was there a lot.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  I met him because of Papa and Brian Copelman.

• 1:05:44Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep. Trying to think of a-

• 1:05:45Sam Morril?

  New rule, no more soda going on first.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  Wine is Dan Soder when I talk about smoking weed. It was actually, Big Jay and I smoked a joint and I was like, I don't like to smoke right before I go up because I usually freak out and Jay was like, don't be a pussy. And then I was doing, this was like 2013, I was doing a, a new bit that was like killing, like it was like, I'd had it for a couple of weeks. So I was opening with it just to like, you know? And I'm doing it and this lady gets up and I go, where are you going? She goes, I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette. I heard you do this joke last week.

• 1:06:19Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 1:06:21Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  And I was like, and I was pretty new at the cellar. So I was like, um.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  And I just like went back to old material.

• 1:06:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  And so it wasn't going the way I wanted it to because it was old material that I didn't even like anymore.

• 1:06:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  And then I saw Esti walk, first off, Esti walked in the room, which scares the shit out of you.

• 1:06:38Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  And then Bill Maher, I was like, is that Bill Maher with Esti?

• 1:06:41Mark Normand?

  Holy, holy.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  Fucking-

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  What's your worst heckle? Worst thing that just crushed you?

• 1:06:46Sam Morril?

  Got me?

• 1:06:47Mark Normand?

  Got you, you couldn't come up with anything dry mouth?

• 1:06:50Sam Morril?

  A club called Rooster T-Fet.

• 1:06:51Mark Normand?

  I know it.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Shout out Sunnyvale, California.

• 1:06:54Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  I don't even think it was Sunnyvale. Oh, yeah, it was Sunnyvale.

• 1:06:56Mark Normand?

  It was.

• 1:06:57Sam Morril?

  Like not even, it was like, where was it? Like Cupertino or whatever?

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like south of San Francisco.

• 1:07:00Sam Morril?

  And it's like a small crowd. I was not selling shit and I was doing that, which people some now know as the alligator store.

• 1:07:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:09Sam Morril?

  Specials and it was, it was a work in progress, that story. It took a while to get it where it was. And I guess it wasn't there yet, cause in the middle of it, a woman walks out, opens the door and goes, "You fucking suck." And the door just slows, it's like slowly closing in slow mo. And I'm just like, uh, I just kinda stopped. And some other woman goes, "I think you're doing great." And I was like, "That was even worse." Oh. The pity's worse than the outrage. Pity's worse. And I was like, "Oh, God." It's just hard, cause I didn't have-

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  I think you're a sweet boy.

• 1:07:37Sam Morril?

  I didn't, I didn't have an opening to hit her back, cause the door shut. Right. So I'm like, "Oh, you just won." Yeah, a smart way to heckle is say it and leave. Yeah. You can't rebuttal. Uh, worse, the pity. That was a bad one. That's the one, first one, I also got spat on once at- Whoa! That was a bad one. Spat on. I was doing the door there, and they, you know, they throw you up sometimes. And I was, I went on, and I just, like, was going back with this guy. And I was dressed like shit, you know, I had like, you know-

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Sam Morril?

  The same pants I wore every day.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:09Sam Morril?

  Shitty, young comic. And he was like, "Look at those cheap fucking pants." I was like, "Yeah, they're fucking, this doesn't pay much." Yeah. And then, uh, we went back and forth a few times, and he just was like, I forgot what I said that really fired him up, but he just got up, and I just heard, "Hoo," and I was like, "Oh, boy." Oh. And then he just fucking, terrible people, great aim, hits me right here. Oh. And the staff was so cool, the staff liked me there. It was all these tough Latina waitresses, and they're like barricaded, and they wouldn't let him on the stage. I'm like, "This is humiliating for so many reasons." Yeah. Hits me, walks out, and shout out Chris Murphy, who like, I was a young comic, I was a little rattled. This dude was kinda scary. He was like, "I'll walk you out." And I was like, "I love you, Chris, I don't think you're making a difference." This guy.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  Was he there?

• 1:08:52Sam Morril?

  He, he walked me out. No, he wasn't there, he was gone, but I'll- Holy shit. When you're a young comic, you're like, "Fuck, that was a little weird." Man, you got hawked to it. I got hawked to it. Not the good kind. Yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  Definitely finished you, though.

• 1:09:03Sam Morril?

  Finished on the tits. I love you guys. That's pretty bad. Spit is bad. Those were the two that jumped out immediately.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  I mean, I have a couple. One was, was not long ago, where I was doing a joke that I put on my YouTube special about, um, I'm always afraid I'm gonna let the mass shooter into the building.

• 1:09:22Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  It was an early show at The Cellar. And I was like, "I'm a people pleaser," you know, and I like, did the act out of opening the door, and it got nothing. And this guy, right to the side of the stage, goes, "You're not funny."

• 1:09:35Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  And I was like, "Whoa."

• 1:09:38Mark Normand?

  That's harsh.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  And then I just, I didn't address it. I just fucking like.

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  You know, how do you not address them?

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  I went like, eh, cause the joke bombed so hard.

• 1:09:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  He technically was right.

• 1:09:48Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:09:49Speaker 02

  And I was just like. And you were new at the cellar. No, this is fucking eighteen months ago. And I fucking ate it. Dude, I ate it so hard, oh, but I stuck to my guns. Like, I was like, fuck this. I'm gonna do these jokes. I know these jokes were. Yeah. But I bombed. And I got off stage and I was in the back hallway and one of the waiters came out and he was like, that was impressive.

• 1:10:07Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  Like, I watched you stay to your guns, but you fucking took a beating on that one. It was so bad. I had a set at New York Comedy Club on West Fort, on East Fourth. You know, across town. I called and talked to Shane the entire walk over, cause I was like, no, the joke works. Joke works. Joke works. And he was like, he was like, yeah, dude, you're fine. This is just like, that was just like a bad set. And I was like, I don't know. I'm not gonna fucking stop doing the joke. And it was just like, fucked me up.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  Wow, you're not funny.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 1:10:35Mark Normand?

  And it's a shooter joke, or what?

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a mass shooter joke. And they were like, oh, and the guy goes, you're not funny.

• 1:10:40Mark Normand?

  Damn. That guy should be thrown out for that. That's crazy. I gotta pity, uh, I was bombing. I was somewhere on the road, some funny bone, and it was a papered room, and.

• 1:10:50Speaker 02

  Do you remember which one?

• 1:10:51Mark Normand?

  I think it was Dayton.

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  Which is already sad.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  A Dayton funny bone, papered room, half full, whatever, sweating, dry mouth, bombing, two older ladies in the front row, probably sixty-five. One leans over and goes, this is bad. Heard everything. It's, it's pure silence. So I could hear everything and now you have to pretend you didn't hear it and keep delivering the jokes with a smile on your face. And tap dancing and jazz hands and I wanted to kill myself.

• 1:11:19Speaker 02

  You just knocked loose a memory.

• 1:11:21Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  When I was at helium in St. Louis.

• 1:11:24Mark Normand?

  That's a bad one.

• 1:11:25Speaker 02

  You know, you know the helium, the room? They're like right in front of you.

• 1:11:27Mark Normand?

  Worst helium.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  But they're like right in front of you in like a little semicircle. I was doing a joke that was on my HBO special about killing my grandmother, cause she asked me what gluten was. And it's like a big act out or whatever. And this old woman was with her daughter in the very front. I did the whole joke.

• 1:11:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Speaker 02

  It didn't do bad, but it, the, the laughs came down and I heard her lean over to her daughter and she goes, "I don't like this."

• 1:11:53Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  And I was like, and you can't go back at that.

• 1:11:57Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 1:11:57Speaker 02

  No one else heard that.

• 1:11:58Sam Morril?

  Exactly. Just you have it.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  And then the rest of the time, it's like you're performing with like this, like spot where you're like, "I know this fucking woman hates me."

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  It's like when a sibling would do something, you're like, under the table. Yeah. And I was like, well, I can't throw the first hit. They're gonna think it's me. Exactly. Realize it's defense. But, uh, yeah, dude, I had an experience at that club once where everything was just going wrong that week.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Oh, helium, St. Louis?

• 1:12:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was in the bathroom the first night, Vito's on stage and I can't, the bathroom door just locked.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  It's a sliding door with one of those turn locks.

• 1:12:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the turn, so I couldn't get out and Vito's like about to call my name. I'm like, fuck, what do I do? I had to kick the door in. So I broke the door.

• 1:12:36Speaker 02

  That looked like, that would have been, by the way, I think that has to be your next special intro. Fucking kick the door out and you're like, are these motherfuckers ready for this?

• 1:12:45Sam Morril?

  You Kool-Aid man. I didn't do it in a cool way. It wasn't like a cop movie thing. It like, kind of, and then like the little lock thing in the middle was just gone. It was, there was like a hole this big. Oh. So, uh, so I got out and Gary's like, what the fuck happened? I'm like, it wouldn't open. I was texting the manager. No one answered. And then, uh, and then the next night, I thought it was a good idea to get, uh, rainbow trout at a restaurant in St. Louis, Missouri. I deserved this. You're gonna get fish. I deserved this. And, uh, and in the Uber to the club, I was like, man, my stomach's killing me. Right? I'm like, I don't know if I'm gonna make it to the club. Yeah. And the Uber driver, like, he's, he's just going, "I had some diarrhea last week. Turned that bowl pink." And I was like, why are you doing this to me?

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  Don't do this.

• 1:13:26Sam Morril?

  Little tugboat captain?

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:28Sam Morril?

  He's got war stories. God damn it. I had to like hobble into the club. I ran into the bathroom. Vito had to stretch. He'd do like 35. I had diarrhea. I'm sure I've told this on the pod before. Wow. Yeah. So they put Pepto through that little hole in the door.

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  Did you get through your whole set?

• 1:13:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I made it. The Pepto numbs you. You're good.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  But by the end of the set, were you feeling like? Oh, I gotta shit again.

• 1:13:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was bad.

• 1:13:50Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:13:51Sam Morril?

  Way, that shit is, it's not good. Yeah.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 1:13:56Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Wow.

• 1:13:57Mark Normand?

  What a weekend.

• 1:13:58Sam Morril?

  I thought I've told this on the pod, I'm sure I told that.

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  One time I was pooping at, uh, Brick Town Comedy.

• 1:14:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Oklahoma City.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Good, great club, and I, I, I shut the door, but I got, I was like pooping and I thought I had more time, and then they were like, as I was finishing, I heard them calling me.

• 1:14:12Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, and then you're like, I gotta clean, I gotta clean, I gotta wipe my hands.

• 1:14:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  And it was like three dance oders. It was like, dance odor.

• 1:14:19Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:14:20Speaker 02

  Dance odor.

• 1:14:21Sam Morril?

  And then you have that, what you have to do at that point is you walk out slowly, you have to make it seem like it's on purpose.

• 1:14:25Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:14:26Sam Morril?

  You're like, no, I like to wait.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  No, I went up there and I was like, I was just pooping. Like, I like pure honesty.

• 1:14:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  You just go up there and you go, guys, poop was falling out of my butt when he said my name the first time. It was, I was, I was, I was being relieved.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:41Sam Morril?

  That is a good club. I like OKC.

• 1:14:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went, I went and it was like a hundred and four every day there.

• 1:14:46Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  It was like smo- I wanna go back when it's not, when you're, I wasn't sweating on stage like a tent preacher.

• 1:14:52Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  It was wild.

• 1:14:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a tough one. You always think you can shit in time. I, I, I hate a rushed shit.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  A rushed shit is the worst.

• 1:15:01Mark Normand?

  It's the worst. You want a free calendar, turn the phone off, light a candle, and really enjoy it.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  When was the last time you were constipated?

• 1:15:09Mark Normand?

  I never get constipated, knock on.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Have you ever had major constipation?

• 1:15:12Mark Normand?

  Never.

• 1:15:12Sam Morril?

  First time I ever prayed to God was constipation.

• 1:15:15Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:15:16Sam Morril?

  It was in first grade and I, uh...

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  Didn't we talk about this last time I was on? I feel like we've talked about...

• 1:15:20Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 1:15:20Sam Morril?

  Damn, I feel like, I don't wanna repeat another...

• 1:15:22Mark Normand?

  I've never heard of this constapesh.

• 1:15:24Sam Morril?

  No, I just, yeah, I, yeah.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  I, cause I've, I was...

• 1:15:26Sam Morril?

  You get it all the time?

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  No, but I had a horrific one at, uh, Comedy at the Carlson in Rochester, New York.

• 1:15:31Sam Morril?

  Another club I like a lot.

• 1:15:32Speaker 02

  Love that club.

• 1:15:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  And it was similar on, I was constipated for like a week. And then I was at that club and I was like begging God to make me poop. What causes this? Rituals?

• 1:15:45Sam Morril?

  Bad, yeah, bad diet? What are you eating?

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Well, my, uh, I think it was, I truly think it was because the 49ers lost the NFC championship game. There we go. And I was so mad about it. It's when they lost to the Rams, which we beat twice that season. It's the year the Rams won the Super Bowl over the Bengals. The Niners lost the NFC championship game and then I had a blowout Facebook thing with a family member. Like an in-contact, like a very real.

• 1:16:11Sam Morril?

  Over the game?

• 1:16:11Speaker 02

  No, over our, just the history with me and this family member. Wow. And it was like a fucking, like I, I was shaking when I wrote it. I was so angry. And I wrote it. I read it to my, I read it to Alan and Alan was like, that was fucking great. Wow. Read it to my mom and my mom was like, fuck him. He was like a guy that, you know, is related to me that I don't, I don't have a relationship with anymore. So you think it was stress? That's exactly what my doctor said.

• 1:16:36Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:16:36Speaker 02

  Cause I went to the doctor. I was like, I've been constipated for like eight days and my diet has stayed the same and I'm usually very regular. Yeah, yeah. I shit every morning and I was like, and I can't shit. And I was like, I'm trying to force it. And he was like, no, you gotta drink Miralax and just let it happen.

• 1:16:52Sam Morril?

  Stress will do it though.

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  And I, it was stress. And then I did suppositories. It can't be the game. I think it's all the family. I think the game is a, is a little stretch. I was stressed out during the game and I tried forcing a shit. Ah, interesting. Honestly, this is the, I'm telling you, the hundred, a hundred percent the real truth. Lay it on me, fatty. Halftime of the NFC championship game, I tried to force a shit out.

• 1:17:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:14Speaker 02

  Didn't happen. Hmm. Was mad I held on to it. The family thing happened the next day and I was locked up for like nine days. It's a combo. And then I, and then my doctor was like.

• 1:17:24Sam Morril?

  So.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 1:17:25Sam Morril?

  I said, the Niners were stuck too.

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  Now dude, couldn't get past Aaron Donald.

• 1:17:28Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  It was our blockage. Couldn't get out the Browns. Have you ever done a suppository? No, never.

• 1:17:33Sam Morril?

  I, that was a low point as a young road comic in an Amtrak bathroom, having to put a suppository up my ass.

• 1:17:39Speaker 02

  When you, it made me think, all I could think about was the Louis joke.

• 1:17:43Sam Morril?

  What's that?

• 1:17:43Speaker 02

  Where he was like, he had to do, um, they gave him a painkiller that was a suppository, and he put it in, and then he's like, it started getting warm, and he's like, why don't I shove more stuff up my ass?

• 1:17:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:54Speaker 02

  It's such a good bit. He's like, why don't I shove everything up my ass? But I did it. I did it, and it made some of the poop come out, but not enough that I was like, oh, I'm doing it. And then I did a suppository, I remember, in the hotel in Rochester. Nothing.

• 1:18:10Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:18:11Speaker 02

  Come on, God. And then, I talked to my doctor, my doctor was like-

• 1:18:15Sam Morril?

  Not ignores the wildfires in LA, he's like, let me help, Soder.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  Hold on, let me, let me knock this shit loose. But my doctor was like, drink as much Miralax as you want, it won't hurt you. He was like, put, every time you're just sitting around-

• 1:18:26Sam Morril?

  Caramel acid, what is it?

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  It loosens your stools. Like, it's for constipation. So I was just like, sitting around in my hotel room, and I'd be like, boop, and just do a dump of Miralax. Did the two shows that night, still couldn't poop, got home to my apartment, and had the most enjoyable shit of my life.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  It's like a Dumb and Dumber?

• 1:18:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. It was one of those things where I think after the weekend of the stress of the shows-

• 1:18:49Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:18:50Speaker 02

  And everything was done, and I sat down, the noise I made when I pooped was like, huh. It was Dumb and Dumber, because I was like, huh.

• 1:19:00Sam Morril?

  At the end of The Lion King.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  I had to do three flushes.

• 1:19:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Because I was like, oh, fuck. And then I flushed, and I was like, oh, fuck. And it fucked me up so bad that like, I was like, high. Like, I like, got done pooping, and I just like, laid down on my couch, I was like, that felt wonderful.

• 1:19:16Sam Morril?

  Wow. It is kind of like in the end of the movie where you have to, like, the extra gunshot to the bad guy's-

• 1:19:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  Let me make sure this is gone.

• 1:19:24Speaker 02

  Stay fucking dead.

• 1:19:25Mark Normand?

  Well, stress hits everybody differently. When I'm super stressed, my beard falls out.

• 1:19:28Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:19:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so it hits everyone differently. Shitting, beard-

• 1:19:32Sam Morril?

  Your beard's looking pretty full this week.

• 1:19:34Mark Normand?

  Well, now, yeah, my razor broke, so I gotta buy a new one, but, uh, yeah.

• 1:19:37Speaker 02

  But it'll, will it come out in clumps?

• 1:19:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just circles, like a-

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:19:40Mark Normand?

  Like a nickel is gone.

• 1:19:41Sam Morril?

  Razor's breaking is a peeve.

• 1:19:43Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:19:43Sam Morril?

  They break a lot.

• 1:19:44Mark Normand?

  They really do.

• 1:19:45Speaker 02

  I use a buzzer now.

• 1:19:47Mark Normand?

  That's what I use.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  Me too, but they fucking, they break all the time. You know what? Yeah, you just gotta find one that doesn't break. Yeah.

• 1:19:53Sam Morril?

  Unless Manscaped is sponsoring this episode, in which case their stuff is really good.

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Best of the biz.

• 1:19:57Sam Morril?

  It is good.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  It is great. Manscaped does some good work.

• 1:20:00Sam Morril?

  They do good stuff.

• 1:20:01Mark Normand?

  I give him his gifts.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  Those boxes, yeah. I got nine thousand razors, but...

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  That's the way to go, because you're sponsored by them?

• 1:20:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:07Speaker 02

  That was like me giving digital picture frames, which if anyone I gave is watching this, I apologize, but it's a good gift.

• 1:20:13Mark Normand?

  Great gift.

• 1:20:14Sam Morril?

  Those are pretty cool, actually.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  We had like six of them, and Katie's like, what do you want to give him for Christmas? And I just grabbed one, and she was like, okay. And then you wrap it, and you're like, fuck it, why not?

• 1:20:23Sam Morril?

  You get a gift, I'm like, I got you some bodega cat whiskey.

• 1:20:28Speaker 02

  I just give impressions as gifts. I'll do your voicemail as Macho Man.

• 1:20:33Mark Normand?

  What about the singing, the singing telegram? That went away. Remember that guy?

• 1:20:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. He'd be like, happy birthday.

• 1:20:39Mark Normand?

  Right. It's now cameo.

• 1:20:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, I got, I got a peeve.

• 1:20:44Sam Morril?

  What do you got?

• 1:20:45Mark Normand?

  That'll buy you guys some time.

• 1:20:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:46Mark Normand?

  You ever have this guy? This happens to me all the time, and I fucking hate it. When the guy, you go, I go, hey, some guy's like, so yeah, my friend was a heroin addict. He eventually died. And I go, oh, did he die of a heroin overdose? And another guy I was with goes, of course he did. What the fuck kind of question is that? And then the guy goes, no, actually, I got hit by a car. And I'm like, how about you not call me out before you know?

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:09Mark Normand?

  You know, he, he made me seem like an asshole, because I asked that question.

• 1:21:12Speaker 02

  What else is he gonna die from?

• 1:21:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was it.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  It was, uh, cancer.

• 1:21:16Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:21:17Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:21:17Mark Normand?

  Exactly. So, don't give the guy shit for asking a dumb question.

• 1:21:21Sam Morril?

  He said eventually, too, so I think your, your instincts were right.

• 1:21:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:24Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:21:25Speaker 02

  That is weird to be like, why are you asking him that?

• 1:21:28Mark Normand?

  Right. I get that all the time. Like, of course, you idiot, why else, how else would you think he died? And I'm like, well, we don't know. And then it was a different thing.

• 1:21:35Speaker 02

  The fuck? That does make me mad, because that's someone trying to make you look stupid when you're, when you're smart.

• 1:21:40Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  You're like, no, I actually had a good question. Like, why would you ask that? And you're like, and then there never is, the apology is never as loud as the accusation.

• 1:21:48Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:21:48Speaker 02

  They never go like, I'm sorry, I jumped in on that. I was fucking wrong.

• 1:21:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, always ask questions.

• 1:21:55Speaker 02

  My peeve is very generic, but it's very true. Text back.

• 1:22:00Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  Stop. Like, if I text you and you don't respond, I'm taking that very personally.

• 1:22:07Mark Normand?

  You hear that?

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  I'm, no dude, I'll tell you this right now.

• 1:22:10Mark Normand?

  Cause he's terrible.

• 1:22:11Speaker 02

  I'll tell you right now with Michael Che, I stopped texting him.

• 1:22:13Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  I just don't care anymore.

• 1:22:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:16Speaker 02

  And, and I love, we're not in high school. You're not too cool to text me back.

• 1:22:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:22:20Speaker 02

  I'm your friend. At least give me a thumbs up.

• 1:22:22Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:22:23Speaker 02

  I, I won't name names, but there's two people that I, I, I've been trying to hang out with and it's just three unanswered texts. And I go, well, then I think we're done. And I think we're done.

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:33Speaker 02

  And I, I don't, I don't accept the, you know, I know people that are like, well, I'm overwhelmed. I got a lot of texts or whatever. And it's like,

• 1:22:41Mark Normand?

  Say that.

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  That's fine. But the next text I get from you better be an apology for the text you didn't answer.

• 1:22:47Mark Normand?

  Aha.

• 1:22:47Speaker 02

  Like, hey dude, I just saw the thing above. I'm sorry. I must've fucking missed it. Cause I understand missed, you're getting on the train, someone texts you, you read it, you put it back.

• 1:22:55Mark Normand?

  Get overwhelmed sometimes.

• 1:22:56Speaker 02

  I completely agree that.

• 1:22:57Mark Normand?

  You do a bunch of these.

• 1:22:58Speaker 02

  There are people that are consistent that I don't put up with it anymore.

• 1:23:02Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:23:03Speaker 02

  He was one of them.

• 1:23:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  So a guy that you would text and just not hear from him and you're like, I think we're good then.

• 1:23:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  I just don't care that much.

• 1:23:10Mark Normand?

  Cause, and I'm not looking for a, how are you? Like, I'm not trying to start a conversation. Some stuff I, he was like, you want to come to SNL and we'll hang out? Some band was on I liked. So I was like, I'd love to. And I texted, what time should I be there? Nothing. So you're like, I know you're busy, but I'm not trying to chit chat. I need this information. I don't want to show up at the wrong time. I, I ended up going, but I just showed up.

• 1:23:29Speaker 02

  Dude, there's, there's one of our friends that I text that it's, it's just all blue.

• 1:23:35Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:23:35Speaker 02

  Can we, can we blank the name? What would we say? Uh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're going to read lips.

• 1:23:43Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:23:43Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:23:44Speaker 02

  I would not think that. Does not answer any of my texts. Why is that? I don't know. And, uh, but it's not just me. So. That does help when. I've talked to friends and they go like, he doesn't respond. And you go like, clearly he must be going through something. But I can only give so many texts before I'm kinda like, I don't care dude, if I see you around, I see you around.

• 1:24:04Sam Morril?

  But you guys are close. I don't wanna give too much away here.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I mean, it just-

• 1:24:09Sam Morril?

  He's an Hispanic man.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, he is a black lesbian.

• 1:24:13Sam Morril?

  Trans, a trans comedian.

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  No, but I think it is like in the age of texting, it's like the least you can do is just go like, either if you forget, go, "Sorry dude, I didn't see that text, my bad."

• 1:24:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, easy.

• 1:24:25Speaker 02

  Cause he did that on a Christmas text, he sent a very nice Christmas text, and then a couple of days later, he's like, "Holy shit, I thought I answered this Merry Christmas."

• 1:24:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, okay, damn. I have some friends like that too. I have a couple of close friends and I know that they do this to everybody.

• 1:24:40Speaker 02

  When you find out they do it to everybody, it does help.

• 1:24:44Sam Morril?

  That's not so bad. Some people don't look at their phones, they really don't. That's true.

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

  I'm not one of them. But, when you know your friend does, cause you're around them,

• 1:24:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:52Speaker 02

  See how much they're on their fucking phone.

• 1:24:54Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:24:54Speaker 02

  There's no fucking excuse.

• 1:24:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, there is also, and this is not you, but there are people out there who are like, it's like eight favors in a row. Oh, yeah.

• 1:25:03Speaker 02

  Now I'm not responding. I will only be upset if I send you a positive benign message and you don't respond.

• 1:25:11Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  A sincere reach out of like, "What's up? Would love to grab..." You texted me back? I was like, "Hey, uh, let's go get diner." I was on the road, but I wanted- But you're on the road and then you wrote, "Hey dude, sorry, just saw this, uh, it's, I know it's a little late." But we do wanna hang. Yeah. And we- But I would, that's not something I would hold against you, cause I knew you're on the road.

• 1:25:29Sam Morril?

  But you know, uh-

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  I'm talking about when it happens.

• 1:25:31Sam Morril?

  There are also the bait and switch texters, this is- That's true. The texters who are like, "How you been?", and then they rope that into a favor. Gomez?

• 1:25:41Speaker 02

  I mean, I don't think I've ever gotten a text from Luis that isn't a question of-

• 1:25:44Sam Morril?

  Gomez is true.

• 1:25:45Speaker 02

  I've never got a question of, "How are you?"

• 1:25:47Sam Morril?

  It's a statement.

• 1:25:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:48Sam Morril?

  It's like, "You're doing Story Wars this Wednesday?" I'm like, "I told you I couldn't do that." He goes, "I'm confirming you." I'm like, "There was no confirmation."

• 1:25:54Speaker 02

  I will, I will add-

• 1:25:54Sam Morril?

  "I love you Luis, but I didn't fucking confirm."

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  I will add to your point, there's nothing worse than someone going, uh, "Hi."

• 1:26:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, I fucking hate hi.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  Hey. Hey, what?

• 1:26:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's never good.

• 1:26:07Speaker 02

  Hey, what?

• 1:26:08Mark Normand?

  Never good.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  Put it in the fucking text.

• 1:26:10Sam Morril?

  Am I in trouble?

• 1:26:10Speaker 02

  You sackless asshole?

• 1:26:11Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:26:12Speaker 02

  Go like, "Hey, can you do this?" Or, "Hey..." Don't, "Hi."

• 1:26:15Mark Normand?

  No, I hate "hi."

• 1:26:16Speaker 02

  Guess what you're gonna get back? "Hi."

• 1:26:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:26:18Speaker 02

  That's all you're gonna get back. And then I'm not gonna answer the next question.

• 1:26:21Mark Normand?

  Girls would do that when you're dating. They'd be like, "Hey." And you're like...

• 1:26:24Speaker 02

  Dude, I...

• 1:26:24Mark Normand?

  You gotta set something up here.

• 1:26:26Sam Morril?

  I think this is a good message from a girl a long time ago, a long time ago. But she wrote, "Hi." And I wrote, "Hi" back. And then she's... There was no other...

• 1:26:32Mark Normand?

  Ahhh! She wants you to do the dirty work.

• 1:26:36Sam Morril?

  Hey, this is a little volley.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:26:38Sam Morril?

  You do it.

• 1:26:38Speaker 02

  I know this isn't really related, but it's just something that I just thought of that really annoyed me. Back in the day when I was single, before I met the love of my life, Katie Nolan, I was on Match.com.

• 1:26:49Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  I signed up for it.

• 1:26:50Sam Morril?

  Old school.

• 1:26:51Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:26:51Speaker 02

  This is like 2016 or whatever. And I was like, "I wanna meet someone. I wanna actually meet someone that isn't a comedian, that isn't in the entertainment industry."

• 1:27:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:27:01Speaker 02

  I just wanna meet someone, and it's New York. So I signed up for this match. Match.com, you have to like, put in effort to like, do a profile.

• 1:27:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:27:09Speaker 02

  I did like a whole profile. I spent time on it. And then when I first started getting matches or whatever, it was women being like, "I bet I'm funnier than you."

• 1:27:16Mark Normand?

  Ahhh.

• 1:27:17Speaker 02

  Delete profile.

• 1:27:19Mark Normand?

  Block.

• 1:27:19Speaker 02

  'Cause I don't wanna fucking do this.

• 1:27:21Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 1:27:22Speaker 02

  I bet my pussy gets wetter than yours. What are we doing? Are we just gonna say... Are we gonna say crazy shit at each other? How good of a dick does your brother suck? And then they're like, "Why are you saying this?" You go, "I thought you were funnier than this."

• 1:27:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:27:34Speaker 02

  And you fucking riff it, you stupid bitch. God, it made me so mad. I got like four of those.

• 1:27:39Mark Normand?

  I got that too. "Make me laugh right now."

• 1:27:41Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck you! Show me your tits.

• 1:27:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:27:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let's just be honest while we're both here.

• 1:27:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  What's your suck game at, lady?

• 1:27:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I would just send him a clip. He'll just look at me on Conan.

• 1:27:53Speaker 02

  There you go, yeah, fuck. Dude, what... You know what's funny is I got... You guys definitely have to get these messages. Where a fan will send you a tag for a bit that's already recorded. Like it's on a special and it's out and he goes, you know what you should say right here. You go, I got it.

• 1:28:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:09Sam Morril?

  We used to do a lot of bits on here. So we would, I would sometimes get them for, uh, bits that we were working on and I was like flattered that.

• 1:28:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:17Sam Morril?

  They were like witty lines sometimes. I didn't end up using them ever, but I was like, that's a good line, you know?

• 1:28:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:22Sam Morril?

  It was kind of fun. Yeah. But for the, for the finished bit, someone's a comic will do that. And I'm like, you know the fucking bits.

• 1:28:28Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:28:28Speaker 02

  There's a comic that tried giving me a note recently. One note I got that was great. Like Mary Santoro saw me do a joke and she was like, hey, at the end of the joke, you should say this. She goes, do you want a note? And I went, no, I don't. And then she was like, can I just tell you what I think? And I was like, yeah. She goes, at the end of this joke, you should do this. And it was correct.

• 1:28:45Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:28:45Speaker 02

  I was like, didn't think of that. And she was laughing. She goes, I know. We hate getting notes. We hate getting notes. But then another fucking comic, and I'll tell you who it is at the end, who none of us respect.

• 1:28:58Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  That reaction lets you know I'm not wrong.

• 1:29:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  And he was like, you know what you should do? Cause I have, I just have like a throwaway line about how I'm getting older, but I'm doing old man stuff. And I talk about leaving the flashlight on my cell phone on. And he's like, you know what you should do at the end? Your flashlight should be on your, on your cell phone.

• 1:29:22Mark Normand?

  Now your props.

• 1:29:23Speaker 02

  I went, uh, we were at one of those, uh, underground shows or whatever. And I went, what?

• 1:29:29Speaker 02

  And he was like, yeah, you should do that. And I went.

• 1:29:30Sam Morril?

  Start beating the shit out of him.

• 1:29:31Speaker 02

  We're, I think we're on the same show.

• 1:29:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:33Speaker 02

  And I was like, no, I don't think I'm going to do that. And he was like, oh, well, it's just like a thing. And you're like, that disgust.

• 1:29:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:40Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:29:41Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:29:41Speaker 02

  But Mary, I was like apologizing. I was like, I'm sorry. That actually is a good idea.

• 1:29:45Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Damn.

• 1:29:46Speaker 02

  We're such catty little.

• 1:29:49Mark Normand?

  Well, it's all insecurity.

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  You know, uh, one of my favorite things that ever, when I first started on Billions and I met David Costable, who plays Wags.

• 1:29:58Sam Morril?

  He's a great actor.

• 1:29:58Speaker 02

  He's.

• 1:29:59Mark Normand?

  Pull him up.

• 1:30:00Speaker 02

  A generational talent.

• 1:30:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah. He's great on a lot. He was on Damages.

• 1:30:03Speaker 02

  He was on, uh, he was Gil in, uh, Breaking Bad.

• 1:30:06Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 1:30:07Speaker 02

  He was in, uh, he was on The Wire, Suits. I mean.

• 1:30:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah. He's had a, he's had a nice.

• 1:30:13Speaker 02

  He is, I'm going to tell you this right now. Possibly one of my favorite humans, easily one of the favorite, favorite people I've ever worked with. But one of my favorite human beings I've ever worked with. I got to go to a fucking boxing match at Barclays with him. And rappers love wags when billions.

• 1:30:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:30:30Speaker 02

  There was like, yo, that's my man. Cause he was like the shit talking, get pussy.

• 1:30:33Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:30:34Speaker 02

  Make money guy.

• 1:30:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:35Speaker 02

  And he's funny. He's very funny. But he told me when I first met him, we were in the makeup trailer. We're like, hair, in hair and makeup. We're like getting ready to go to set. And he was like, this is like season one. And he's like, oh, I was like, I'm not really an actor. I'm a, I'm a comic. So that's why they kind of brought me on here to be like, you know, this shithead in the office or whatever. He goes, you're a stand-up comic? And I was like, yeah. He's like, you are the second worst group to each other, only behind Broadway dancers.

• 1:31:04Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:31:05Speaker 02

  Broadway dancers will push each other downstairs.

• 1:31:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:09Speaker 02

  To get roles. Comics do it verbally. And I was like, he said that. I was like, you know, a lot of comedians. He was like, yeah. I was like, that is, we are, we are the bitch.

• 1:31:18Mark Normand?

  Axwan.

• 1:31:21Speaker 02

  Axwan is a great.

• 1:31:22Mark Normand?

  I did a, I took an improv class when I first started comedy because I heard you're supposed to do that. And I was blown away by how supportive, nice.

• 1:31:29Speaker 02

  How gay that shit is.

• 1:31:31Mark Normand?

  So gay.

• 1:31:32Speaker 02

  I think it's just like, Well, you, you, you form bonds and you form like little groups and it is clickish, but if you ever want to get a comic comfortable around you, just start talking shit.

• 1:31:43Mark Normand?

  Works every time.

• 1:31:44Speaker 02

  It will work every fucking time. I think once you find your group, it's like, Yeah. We had a very lucky experience. Our group naturally came together like this wonderful planet we lived on. Where it was just an explosion. We all moved. We were all doing it at the same time. We all started hanging at the same time. Shout out to Rebecca Trent and The Creek.

• 1:32:03Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:32:03Speaker 02

  For giving us a place that we could go and kind of like, Hang out.

• 1:32:07Mark Normand?

  And blackout.

• 1:32:08Speaker 02

  And bla- get completely blackout and throw up tucattes.

• 1:32:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:11Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? But it's like, that is important.

• 1:32:14Mark Normand?

  Well, also, we had a shared love, like, actual love of comedy. Like, a lot of people are hobbyists, or they do this to get to some stepping stone. We all gave a shit, and I think that really brought us together.

• 1:32:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, we also would like, sit around and talk jokes.

• 1:32:27Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:32:28Speaker 02

  And talk old jokes. Like, dude, List and I, I remember, and it was like when you and List started hanging out, I was already hanging out with List, and I remember he would be like, "Ah, Norman's one of us. He just wants to talk about jokes, wants to talk about old specials," and you're like, "Great, great, great." And you're really is like, a filtration system where you're like, "Awesome."

• 1:32:45Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 1:32:46Speaker 02

  Because List and I were quoting Comedian at each other, like, within a week of hanging out.

• 1:32:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:32:50Speaker 02

  Like, "What are you doing this weekend?" You're like, "This weekend?"

• 1:32:52Mark Normand?

  Working here.

• 1:32:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Or, he would get off and he'd be like, "Work, work, work, work." Man, I can't talk to Colin about that movie, because it bugs him how much I love it.

• 1:33:00Sam Morril?

  He's so funny in it, though.

• 1:33:01Speaker 02

  I'm like, dude, it framed how I look at stand-up comedy.

• 1:33:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. And if you watch it at different points in your career, it means something else.

• 1:33:08Sam Morril?

  I watched it weeks ago.

• 1:33:09Speaker 02

  Hey! How great is it, the beginning, you see young Sherrod?

• 1:33:12Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:33:13Speaker 02

  And he goes, "There's a certain compulsion among comedians to get on stage."

• 1:33:16Mark Normand?

  He goes, "You wanna go on?"

• 1:33:17Speaker 02

  He goes, "You up next?" Oh, my god.

• 1:33:19Sam Morril?

  Young Russ and Eve.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  And my favorite is when Colin's sitting right by the server hutch, you know, at that table, and he points to the other table, and he goes, "Tapalo's got a friend in a think tank. Nick, where's your friend in that think tank?" And he goes, "Telling you, that think tank bit's gonna be big."

• 1:33:34Mark Normand?

  Gonna be big.

• 1:33:35Speaker 02

  And the story, you know what I, I just quoted Comedian. Madonna went to The Cellar.

• 1:33:40Mark Normand?

  I heard.

• 1:33:41Speaker 02

  Schumer brought her, and she, and Madonna bombed for a half hour.

• 1:33:44Mark Normand?

  You don't say.

• 1:33:44Speaker 02

  Like, she bombed, she bombed so bad, that like,

• 1:33:48Sam Morril?

  That's like, bring John Mayer back.

• 1:33:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, she would kill for a Mayer set. But, um, it was funny, I think the British press was like, "She did so well, and the American audience couldn't handle it."

• 1:34:00Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  "Oh, we could."

• 1:34:01Mark Normand?

  We got it.

• 1:34:01Speaker 02

  Um, but...

• 1:34:03Mark Normand?

  It's like that Quinn bit.

• 1:34:04Speaker 02

  That's what I mean, where he goes...

• 1:34:06Mark Normand?

  Minute of grace.

• 1:34:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, he goes, "Jack Nicholson, who's the most beloved person on the planet, after five minutes, they'd be like, 'All right, Jack, what do you got?'"

• 1:34:11Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 1:34:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:34:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, there's even a clip of Jack, and I don't know if it's the Oscars or what, but he brings out... Robin Williams to like.

• 1:34:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I remember that.

• 1:34:18Sam Morril?

  Like, he's leaning on a comic.

• 1:34:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:20Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:34:21Speaker 02

  But Madonna kept doing the thing where she was like, do you guys hate me? And then they would clap.

• 1:34:26Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:34:27Speaker 02

  For a week. No, she just wants to do it. She's tried stand up before.

• 1:34:30Mark Normand?

  She did Fallon. She opened for me at the, not opened for me, but I was opening for Schumer at the Garden, and she went on before me. And it was the easiest softball follow of all time.

• 1:34:41Sam Morril?

  Did you talk to her?

• 1:34:43Mark Normand?

  I tried to get her number. She wasn't into it, but no, I was too scared to approach her. I didn't want her to amaze me.

• 1:34:48Speaker 02

  Uh, before the pandemic, when Jon Stewart was hanging back out.

• 1:34:52Mark Normand?

  I remember that.

• 1:34:53Speaker 02

  It was me, Stewart, and Michelle Wolf at the table, and Schumer, you know, brought her in and took her downstairs to do a set, and like, everybody followed.

• 1:35:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:03Speaker 02

  You know, pulled like the side tables and everybody like went down to the thing, and to Jon Stewart, I was like, you don't want to go watch Madonna do stand up? And he like looked at the TV and he goes, not at all. And then looked back at the TV and I was like, this is why you're the best. I said that to Jon Stewart. I said, you are the, uh, like, the whole theory of never meet your heroes.

• 1:35:23Sam Morril?

  He's cool.

• 1:35:24Speaker 02

  That is not true with Jon Stewart.

• 1:35:25Mark Normand?

  Great guy.

• 1:35:26Speaker 02

  He's the fucking man.

• 1:35:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:27Speaker 02

  He just sat down at the table.

• 1:35:29Sam Morril?

  Stand up when he was doing like, that first hour was so good, too.

• 1:35:32Speaker 02

  But when he sits, when he'd come to the cellar, you literally felt, there's celebrities that make you feel like shit.

• 1:35:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:38Speaker 02

  Stewart, I was like, hey, and he like remembered the club I worked at the last time I saw him. He's like, weren't you down in Florida? And I was like, yeah, I did that. And he's like, it was awesome. Uh, I'm gonna be at the Levity Live in Alabama, in Huntsville, February 20th through the 22nd. And then I'll be at the Balboa Theater, February 28th in San Diego. I'll be at the United Theater, March 1st in Los Angeles. Uh, we're trying to hold on to that date. We might have to move it. But March 2nd, I will be at Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco.

• 1:36:12Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:36:12Speaker 02

  And then March 7th, I will be, or March 8th, I will be, uh, as part of Gilda's Laugh Fest. I'm doing a theater in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• 1:36:22Mark Normand?

  Cool.

• 1:36:22Speaker 02

  Danceorder.com for all my dates.

• 1:36:24Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. And check out the YouTube special. It's climbing.

• 1:36:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, we're at like, yeah. Just go, uh, watch me do stand-up. I love doing it.

• 1:36:32Sam Morril?

  Go see Dan the Road. Dan's got a great podcast as well right now.

• 1:36:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Who's this?

• 1:36:38Speaker 02

  You.

• 1:36:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez. I'm picking up some casinos so I don't have to leave the baby for too long. He's in the car right now. Uh, Atlantis Casino in Reno. Then I'm doing Nashville at the Ryman, then Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville, Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, Ithaca, Rochester, Portchester, Albany, Burlington, Wassau? Wassau?

• 1:37:00Sam Morril?

  Wax on, wax off.

• 1:37:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, something we took from the Indians. Green Bay, Eugene, San Jose, and Mashantucket at the, uh, Great Cedar showroom at Foxwoods.

• 1:37:09Speaker 02

  Hey, I'm doing the Flynn in Burlington, too.

• 1:37:11Mark Normand?

  Hey, all right. I've never, never done that one.

• 1:37:14Speaker 02

  Burlington rules.

• 1:37:15Mark Normand?

  I do like Burlington.

• 1:37:16Speaker 02

  Burlington is great, and also they have the greatest sandwich shop in the world called Four Corners of the Earth.

• 1:37:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:37:21Speaker 02

  It's one guy.

• 1:37:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:37:23Speaker 02

  And he makes all the sandwiches, and he, it's his, it's his thing. It's the greatest.

• 1:37:27Mark Normand?

  I'm in. I'll see you there. All right, what do you got, Sammy? Sammy the Bull.

• 1:37:32Sam Morril?

  Start, when does this come out?

• 1:37:33Mark Normand?

  Eight weeks.

• 1:37:36Sam Morril?

  Roll down a little bit. Let's just say, yeah, we got February 11th, uh, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Durham. Thank you, Mark. Then in March, we got New Haven, Providence, Portsmouth, added a second there.

• 1:37:53Speaker 02

  Look at this!

• 1:37:54Sam Morril?

  Maine. We're going hard. Burlington, Vermont, Montreal, Toronto, there's all-

• 1:37:58Speaker 02

  Hey, we're all doing the Flynn.

• 1:37:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, baby. Buffalo, New York, Albany, Columbus, Royal Oak, you know, Grand Rapids. It goes on and on. Samero.com, I'm coming everywhere, baby.

• 1:38:07Mark Normand?

  This is crazy. This is March 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th.

• 1:38:11Speaker 02

  Yo, you know what's crazy?

• 1:38:13Mark Normand?

  No break.

• 1:38:13Sam Morril?

  On a tour bus, baby.

• 1:38:14Mark Normand?

  Damn. Hell, yeah.

• 1:38:16Speaker 02

  Go back to the March 8th.

• 1:38:18Mark Normand?

  March 8th, uh-

• 1:38:19Sam Morril?

  Are you in Portland, Maine?

• 1:38:20Speaker 02

  No, I think I'm right by you, though, on, um-

• 1:38:23Mark Normand?

  Down by the bayou.

• 1:38:24Speaker 02

  Down by the bayou. March 9th, you're in Burlington.

• 1:38:28Sam Morril?

  Let's hang.

• 1:38:30Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm not there till... Damn it, I'm not there. I'm not there, uh... Damn it, I thought I was there like that weekend.

• 1:38:39Mark Normand?

  By the way, that's State Theater. Watch out, those guys get hammered, those Maine folk.

• 1:38:43Sam Morril?

  We talked about this last time. I had a great one last time, but...

• 1:38:45Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:38:46Speaker 02

  Oh, that's hilarious. I'm not at the FLY until May. I thought May was March. I'm stupid.

• 1:38:49Mark Normand?

  All good.

• 1:38:50Sam Morril?

  Coming up. Then we got the West Coast. All three of the West Coast I'm hitting. So samarll.com/shows or just follow us all on Punch Up, punchup.live/dansoder, punchup.live.

• 1:39:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, shout out Punch Up.

• 1:39:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Punchup.live/samarll. Get tickets there and, uh... See Dan on tour, man.

• 1:39:09Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:39:09Sam Morril?

  Great to see you.

• 1:39:10Speaker 02

  Love you guys. Thanks for having me on.

• 1:39:11Mark Normand?

  Thanks for coming in.

• 1:39:12Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:39:13Mark Normand?

  Hope you can shit soon.

• 1:39:14Speaker 02

  Poop time.