How to Understand Men Better…Through Their D*cks with Author Kristina Denton

We can guarantee you’ve never heard an episode like this before! We are joined by Kristina Denton, former penis fixer and author of You Don't Know Dick: How I Healed My Daddy Issues Fixing Broken Dicks. She shares the story of how she got into the business of treating dysfunctional dicks and all the questions you’re dying to know (Why were most men coming to the clinic? How does it work? Do they get hard during the procedure?). But she also shares what she learned about men and their shame, why they overcompensate, and what’s really going on in their relationships and lives when their penises won’t perform, plus how she healed her own issues with her father through her dick fixing journey. We also discuss what to say/what not to say if you’re dealing with a partner who has ED, patterns of dick size (and whether height correlates), why guys need penis pumps (who knew!), and her own past sexless relationship. Before Kristina joins us, we are breaking down “bird hands” and why they’re a male ick, and we have a discussion about the evolution of our podcast and how much we choose to share. Enjoy! Follow Kristina on Instagram at @Kristina7Denton and get her book You Don’t Know Dick on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: BiOptimizers: Sleep great and get 15% off at https://bioptimizers.com/gge with code GGE. Hungry Root: Get 40% off your first box and free item in every box for life at https://hungryroot.com/gge with code GGE. Skims: Shop everyday cotton plus our favorite bras and underwear at https://skims.com. IM8: Get a free welcome kit, 5 travel sachets, and 10% off your order at https://im8health.com/gge and use code GGE. Resort Pass: Get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more at https://resortpass.com/gge. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I was like, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a front row seat to male shame. To the thing that they are the most terrified of, which is this like definition of what makes them a man is broken.

• 0:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back and happy cancer season.

• 0:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Every year I forget.

• 0:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think I skipped a year.

• 0:39Rayna Greenberg?

  The 22nd it starts?

• 0:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, this week.

• 0:41Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, it's this week.

• 0:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  What other week would it be?

• 0:44Rayna Greenberg?

  The 23rd?

• 0:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I always think it's the 22nd, but you know, there's a mixed review, so.

• 0:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Enjoy the last day of Gemini season, you guys. You chaotic, amazing women.

• 0:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  June 21st, most people say.

• 0:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Wow, I didn't know.

• 0:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  It would be tough to be on June 21st. You're like, what am I? What was I made for?

• 1:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Isn't that every sign, though?

• 1:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  It just depends, because I feel like Shashank, who was October 21st, like he's a clear Libra. No one's ever said he's like up for debate to be a Scorpio.

• 1:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not up for debate, yeah, at all.

• 1:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, happy cancer season, you guys.

• 1:17Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, now we can thank our partners. Okay, thanks to Bioptimizers. Sleep great and get 15% off at bioptimizers.com/gge with code GGE. And at Hunger Root, get 40% off your first box and a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/gge with code GG. And Skims, shop everyday cotton plus our favorite bras and underwear at skims.com.

• 1:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to IM8. Get a free welcome kit, five travel sachets, and $10 off your order at im8health.com/gge and use code GGE. And thank you to Resort Pass. The day is yours. Get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more at resortpass.com/gge. And Quince, get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge. So I saw this thing on TikTok and I wanted to see what you thought of this and if you had seen it. So I saw some thing that was viral. This is probably weeks ago at this point, because you know, TikTok, TikTok will serve me something from March, you know, like.

• 2:11Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what happened to me lately, except for March.

• 2:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, just, it's whatever. But I'm like, I have seen this sometimes. Like, you guys gotta figure out your algo more. I'll still be, I'll be getting comments on my Val video. Till 2027.

• 2:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I hope so.

• 2:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like, it never stops. So it's still being served to people is my point, you know? So this woman had asked for men's icks, you know, in the nicest way, and they were pretty nice, like.

• 2:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I got served one of these like a couple of days ago also.

• 2:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so there's a few out there, but this is one of the most popular ones. And this was still in May, so it's not that old. But it says, since girls always talk about their icks about guys, I want to hear guys icks about girls.

• 2:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh.

• 2:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  And they weren't that, you know, I was like, oh, what's this comment section gonna be? Just a bunch of misogynist men, but they weren't too bad. I mean, I think that someone I'm personally not a big fan of cheating, like just.

• 3:02Rayna Greenberg?

  A man?

• 3:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Like unable to say sorry, not saying please and thank you.

• 3:08Rayna Greenberg?

  These are turn offs.

• 3:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Doing everything for, yeah, exactly. Well, that's the thing. Like men don't really have icks. But the one that I saw, and I saw this in a couple of different comment sections, is they said bird hands.

• 3:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, let me try to figure out what that means.

• 3:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, take a guess, because I didn't know it. And then it was like linked on TikTok, like you could go see a bunch more content on bird hands.

• 3:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Bird hands?

• 3:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, let me know what you think.

• 3:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, my only thought is it's just like a really slight hand, because like I'm thinking about like a pigeon's.

• 3:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but but really think about that. Why would a man care if your hands are small?

• 3:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. I have a bird hand. I'm just, I think birds are so disgusting. I'm just grossed out thinking about it. Can you show me?

• 3:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 3:50Rayna Greenberg?

  This.

• 3:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  So when you do a lot of, like, you see people talk like this.

• 3:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, it's a mannerism.

• 3:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's it's more of a mannerism. So

• 4:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't, I don't really do this. But if that's how you talk, I talk with my hands. I'm not criticizing it. But you you know what I'm talking about? And you can kind of see it. So sometimes, first of all, this is Italian, hold it, doing this gesture is like, that's not, but when the the Italian hand is flipped, you do see more women doing like this, that is kind of how they hold their hands when they talk. And then you see sometime they clamp where that's really trying to drive a point home.

• 4:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm trying, do I do this?

• 4:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't think you do it. And I think of, I can think of one friend who does it. But other than that, I think maybe it's a little younger mannerism.

• 4:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm try, I mean, I talk with my hands a lot. I watch my own Instagram stories and I'm very, as I'm talking, I'm very expressive. I mean, you watch, you watch me on this podcast every single week. I don't, you and I don't do that. I'm trying to think why I would. Unless I was like in your face, like trying to like yap yap yap, like try to really piss somebody off.

• 4:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, so that's the thing. And like, I saw one TikTok that said, hot take, men say they hate bird hands, but women use bird hands when they're emphasizing their words. And I think what men really hate is when women are trying to make a point, because then they actually have to listen to them. And obviously, that's what they actually hate. Of course, not all men don't want to listen to women, you know, but that could be that men that don't like it have had an experience where a woman is bird handing in their face. But just this in general, I picture the women that do this and it's a vibe.

• 5:25Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a vibe. I'm not that vibe.

• 5:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not being critical.

• 5:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not that vibe. I just, I, I will find other ways. I do this a lot. I like roll my wrist a lot when I talk.

• 5:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And of course, like, I'm sure everybody has mannerisms that someone might not like or that would be an ick, but that specific thing I think is interesting. And then I saw one woman be like, I'm gonna do bird hands all day because I want to show off my nails. I get them done every week. She had this great nail art. She was like, I want to click them together. And that's almost like why you're doing it too. And it's like a showing off type thing.

• 5:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I do feel that I do that in Instagram stories because my nails always look great. You know, I just get regular manicures and I want people to know that I've put time and energy into this that could have gone into something else. And yeah, I talk a lot with my hand, but.

• 6:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same.

• 6:05Rayna Greenberg?

  No, bird hands, I do not, I do not identify with this.

• 6:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then I did see someone take the, you're just, you just hate Italians. And that's not it. This is not a bird hand. This is upside down, bird hand Italian.

• 6:17Rayna Greenberg?

  What would have to happen to me in order for me to start talking like this?

• 6:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, if I do this hand gesture, like I'm kind of being funny, but I don't peck with my hands like that.

• 6:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Fuck no. Something bad would have had to happen in order for this.

• 6:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. Like, who hurts you? Men that even clock this and don't like it?

• 6:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I can't be in the middle of an argument, arguing like this. I'm not comfy.

• 6:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I gotta be as comfy as possible to like win this argument.

• 6:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I guess I can picture a really loud, outgoing woman like us, that's not a dig, who's Really bird handing in a guy's face on a date and that he doesn't like it.

• 6:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I wouldn't like it. I would not like it. I wouldn't like if, no, I understand. It's like, it's a vibe. You can see the whole relationship through that hand. That hand is a portal to what the next five years are gonna be like of your life.

• 7:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Maybe, or sometimes that's just how women wanna do this and like make a point. I don't know. So it's just funny. I wonder if, if any of you guys are like listening, watching this conversation, you are doing this, not even clamping him together, but when your thumb is touching the rest of your fingers in this bird, this is a bird, this is the bird, right? The shape?

• 7:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 7:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you're doing this and you're pecking when you're talking, like why? And just let us know. It's no shade.

• 7:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I support anything women wanna do. It's just, it hurts my wrist.

• 7:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  But can you imagine a guy, he's like, dude, I like her, but she's bird hands. Can you imagine? This is a man.

• 7:41Rayna Greenberg?

  A man saying that to his friend and his friend's like, how big are, how big are her boobs? Be honest.

• 7:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Yeah, no. He's like, hey, man, like, how was the date? Like, what do you think? Like, she's such a cool chick. She looks so hot. And he's like, dude, she's like everything, but I just can't get past the.

• 7:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think men know what bird hands are?

• 7:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're the ones saying it.

• 7:58Rayna Greenberg?

  All other men are like, totally dude.

• 7:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like Shashank didn't know, but then I did it. And he goes, no, I don't like that.

• 8:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you get a real feeling when you see somebody doing it.

• 8:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So he was like, oh, I mean, it wouldn't have turned me off of you, probably, but.

• 8:12Rayna Greenberg?

  But I understand some people being like, it makes my dick go soft.

• 8:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Was there anything else crazy in there?

• 8:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nothing. Again, the ones that I saw were, maybe they don't like a vocal fry or documenting everything for TikTok.

• 8:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess everybody, I mean, if people have a pulse, they'll come up with something.

• 8:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. And if you wanna do everything for social media and you're dating somebody and he doesn't like it, and you wanna keep doing it, that's not your person.

• 8:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Those are the real.

• 8:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if you wanna talk with vocal fry, you'll find someone that also is fine with that. The Kardashians talk with vocal fry. They're some of the, you know, most desired women in the world.

• 8:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, Kendall Jenner, if I could pick any of their dating histories, it might, I think it's Kendall Jenner. I think it's Bad Bunny and Jacob Elordi. Like, I. Die.

• 9:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's, well, who else would even be? Is there anyone else's exes that you even care about?

• 9:06Rayna Greenberg?

  That's true. I mean, all Chloes just seem like they treated her terrible. So that's out. Scott Disick, no.

• 9:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I'm not attracted to Scott Disick or Lamar or Kanye.

• 9:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Tiger.

• 9:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Or Chris Humphries. Travis Scott is good looking.

• 9:22Rayna Greenberg?

  That's, that Travis Scott.

• 9:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  But also Kendall Jenner, there's other people on the roster. I mean, she's got the best dating history that I would choose.

• 9:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Who else does she have?

• 9:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Was Devin whatever? No.

• 9:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, Devin Booker.

• 9:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 9:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I've been like getting served more videos of her and Bad Bunny.

• 9:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like, obviously.

• 9:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Like.

• 9:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's the one.

• 9:39Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 9:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 9:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 9:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Well, anyway, you guys let us know about your bird hands in the comments. So something else we wanted to talk about, and we received this listener of the show who emailed and posted publicly on Instagram stories and tagged us. I'm like, oh, you're going to tag us. You want us, you want us to see this? I don't care what people say about us behind our backs on the internet. I never, never have. That's not our business.

• 10:03Rayna Greenberg?

  We've just never been like that.

• 10:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  But when you wanted to, you want to email and you want to bring it to us, then I'm happy to address it. Not, you know, so.

• 10:10Rayna Greenberg?

  She wanted some attention.

• 10:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So she just kind of complained about the show now and took a bunch of shots. Like, was this the first good episode in a while? Like, basically like, hey, guys, am I right or does Girls Got to Eat suck these days? Which is, you took a shot at us. Like, I'm happy to shoot. You don't start no shit, won't be no shit as always. And I don't need to go through her whole post and redline it because a lot of it, I just didn't really feel like was valid or accurate. She kind of complained about us talking about pop culture, which was interesting because we've always talked about pop culture since 2020, really in depth. And then we removed it from the Monday episodes to focus on dating and relationships and made a whole other episode about it. So you actually can consume it or not. But again, I don't need to go down everything that she said.

• 10:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's welcome to her opinion and this may be opinion other people share. I mean, this is someone that probably talks about our show to her friends and has been a longtime listener. And anyone who has been around from the start, we appreciate you being here. I don't consider you a fan when you're posting. Does this show suck now? I think you're an op. But if you want to still consider yourself a fan, we're happy to have you. And we're happy to address criticism because I actually find this interesting on a bigger level and like an overarching theme. And that's why we wanted to talk about it. It wasn't just like someone criticized us and we're going to defend ourselves. It's more just like, I do find this fascinating when people critique something like a show, a podcast for evolving over an eight and a half year time period.

• 11:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Listen, everybody is allowed to have whatever opinion they want of us. And Ashley and I check in with our friends and our families and people we love and people whose opinions we value. And I am not impervious to feedback. I like feedback. It's important.

• 11:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:50Rayna Greenberg?

  If you're going to tag me in something shitty on an Instagram story, that's not the type of feedback I'm going to digest through a positive lens. But I just think in general, the comment of like, this used to be different and now I don't like it anymore.

• 12:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 12:02Rayna Greenberg?

  It's really interesting. And I think anybody that's had a business for this long in media. I mean, to have you guys stick around for nearly a decade is like really an honor. I can't even really like compute in my brain that anybody would stick around that long and watch the extreme evolution.

• 12:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 12:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I think how different we are and how much we've evolved and I'm so proud of it. Like I'm, I could not be more proud of the evolution of the show and the knowledge that you and I have gotten and the lens through which you guys have allowed us to see the world and see other people. And I think it's made you and I kinder, more patient, more understanding and also a little more private as we've gotten older.

• 12:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, so that was me. I'm going to go back. She was listening. She'd be like, my main gripe was that you guys are like gatekeeping and not sharing as much. And I actually don't totally agree, but I see, I see the point only because I guess you're just used to like us being single, sharing about our dates and our sexual escapades. And that's not our life now. Like I have, I feel like I've been really open about my marriage and the evolution of that. And I'm never going to come in here and tell you about like a, a fight we had or something that's, that Shashank wouldn't want me to. I don't know. Like my relationship, I share as much as I

• 13:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I feel comfortable and if people want more, I mean, his comfort level and the, the, the privacy that we want to maintain like does come first, you know, like I think it would have been really hard if he was like, you can't talk about me at all. And that would have been a bridge we would have had to cross because the show was very important too. And I would have hated to have to make that decision. But I think you see this a lot. You see it with most podcasts, Call Her Daddy being one, where these two single women shared all these sexual escapades about people they weren't in relationships with. And you got a lot of information. And then, I mean, that is a different show now. But I don't listen to it regularly. So I can't really speak. But I'm sure

• 14:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Alex shares a lot less. And there's so many other examples as being that's the biggest one. And so in terms of the privacy, I don't know. That's subjective. I really think that we are still very open and we aren't ever trying to withhold things. And these are conversations that Raina and I privately what we're willing to share. And like, I have them with Shashank too. And Raina and I talk about guys she's dated and what she wants to share and what she doesn't. And it is part of just getting older and growing up too.

• 14:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I think about Alex Cooper is the perfect example. She grew up. She fell in love with somebody. The stakes were higher. That's a private relationship that she holds sacred. And I think that most people, as they get a little more famous, Taylor Tomlinson used to have that podcast and she would talk about her life all the time. And I think as she blew up a little more, it became less comfortable. I'm completely hypothesizing and I don't know her personally. But I think, you know, as more people find you, more people have opinions about you and your life becomes more public. And I've just gotten more private as I've grown up. I want to have solid romantic relationships with people that like, when they ask me, are you going to talk about me on the podcast? I want the, I want the answer to be, no, I'm not going to reveal all this stuff about our lives that are really personal. Yeah, I'm going to talk about it as much as I'm comfortable.

• 15:18Rayna Greenberg?

  If I'm really dating somebody, you guys will know about it. And if I have a crazy experience, you guys will know about it. And maybe for the last few months, people feel like I've been talking about dating because I haven't been dating. I've also just been on tour. Like I I saw a friend recently and she was like, so are you dating? And I was like, no. And she was like, nobody? And I was like, nobody. And she was like, come on. And I was like, I just went to like 26 cities in three months. I don't have time. Who, who could I prioritize?

• 15:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you are sharing everything that you're feeling on your tour, which is your life right now. And you know, the move, for example, like we put it all on the table a couple of weeks ago about the move. We were sharing as much as we knew on this podcast. Like I think, I wonder if people ever thought that like, it felt gatekeeping. And I'm like, if you think it's gatekeeping, our friends do too. Because they're asking constantly around the clock. And I'm out here like, I don't know. And that's the honest to God truth. And big moments, you and I have never actually really been ones to share exactly what's happening like in the moment. Like no one knew Dewey was sick until he died. Like, and that was a decision I made. And I don't even know if I'd make the same decision now. Maybe I would have been a little more open. I had my own reasons and not really wanting feedback.

• 16:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I didn't share about my rhinoplasty for a while after it happened. And I actually don't think I would have done that today. I think I would have been more open about it then. Like we're all, you're all making these decisions and like, it almost all comes out. It's just at our own discretion and we want to figure out how to talk about it. And I really love that about us, that it's not just like, no, I mean, I think we do a good job of not coming in here and being like, and then we have to change our minds or run it back or and retract anything. And so I don't know, that's just kind of how we, we operate. And again, people that listen to the show are welcome to think whatever they want. That's their opinion. It's just interesting. Like all shows will evolve over that. That's the amount of time. Like in 2018, when we started this, I would have known that

• 17:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  eight years later, it wouldn't have been the same. And I wouldn't have wanted it to be.

• 17:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's nice to grow up and I think that there's so much content in the world to fill the holes. You know, I think that like, if you want late twenties, early thirties, I'm running around, I'm dating, I'm having those crazy sex stories. There's tons of content that exists for that. And

• 17:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 17:31Rayna Greenberg?

  We are no longer probably going to provide that a ton, but I do it on my tour. I talk about all these crazy wild sex stories. I mean, it's nothing but that. And everything can exist in one person.

• 17:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I think that I have become a little more private as I've gotten older and there's things that I don't talk about on this podcast. I mean, I allude to the fact that I don't really have much of a relationship with one of my parents. I someday will talk about it a little more. I don't need to right now. And that's probably the only thing I'm ever really gatekeepy about, but that's really private.

• 17:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Absolutely. And I just, I think to this girl's point, I think in general, it's interesting what we ask of people in media and people that hold a microphone, people talk every single week and what we expect them to share with us, not share with us. There's tons of people that share everything and there's plenty of content you can find that are like that. But I mean, there's plenty of shows also where you don't know anything about the hosts and they don't talk about their private lives and their families and their relationships. And there's reasons for it and they don't want to put those people on the chopping block and they don't want to make those people public because they didn't sign up for that kind of stuff. And I think we try to sort of strike the balance between like, at least I hope we do of like giving enough information, but not all of it. There are some things I'm going to keep sacred.

• 18:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And I think there are people, public figures who shared everything and then stopped completely. And that is your decision to stop supporting them, stop following, consuming their content. That's a decision you have to make. Like they're within their right to do that. I don't always agree with the decision. I think sometimes people share a bunch, benefit from it, take your money and then stop. And it's like, what do you owe people? You kind of do owe them more. You benefited from sharing, but it's still your decision and it's still your life. That's the consumer, the followers' decision to stop supporting. And we know that we can't please everybody. Like, I've never really been banging the feedback loop. You know, there's people out there like, I don't care and I don't read comments and

• 19:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't take feedback. I'll take it from the tight people in my circle, my team. You know, like there's a healthy balance there too, because everyone has to know. That's like the advice I would give to anybody starting. You will not be able to please everybody. And even on the highest level, like some people just listen to Snack every week. Some people just want solos from us. Some people would hate it if we stopped having guests. Like, we learned that early on. We're doing our best and trying to really stay true to our roots and do what we feel proud of. Like, if someone came in and they're like, girls, here's what you really got to do. We did surveys, we ran the test and we didn't like it. We wouldn't do it. You know, we want to feel proud of what we're putting out there. And I think every week, reading comments, it's like, we know that some people prefer a solo versus a guest versus Snack versus this. And that's when you have to do what

• 20:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  you want and feel proud of because you cannot please everybody. And this is advice I give no matter what you're doing.

• 20:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, like two things to what you said. You and I also check each other all the time. I mean, all the time. Like, we are at home an hour or two after recording, and one of us will voice out the other person like, "Ah, I don't know if I liked how this sounded." Like, let's kind of digest this through a different lens. Like, we check each other all the time. Our editors are wonderful, and they also, like, listen to the show and give us feedback. And just on, like, a broader sense, like, it's just a good reminder that, like, whatever you do in the world, if you're putting out content, there will be people that don't like it, and there will always be people on both sides of the coin. And I think if this was slut story, slut story, slut story every week, there would be plenty of people that were like, "You ladies are in your 40s."

• 20:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  You haven't changed. You haven't grown up.

• 20:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  A hundred. And it's always the same fucking people that are gonna hate you no matter what you do.

• 20:49Rayna Greenberg?

  And, like, our audience has grown up with us, and it's such an honor that, like, there's people in their 50s now, 40s, that have children, listen to our show too, and college. And, like, I think those women want us to be role models for their daughters, and, like, I'm proud that this has evolved, and there will always be people that have a problem with what you do. And so, like, you just have to, like, trust your gut and the people that you love and the people around you to, like, give you good advice. Our friends are always giving us feedback and advice. It's always really positive and nice, honestly. But, I mean, I think they can check us too, and that's who I want to listen to and take feedback from. And you guys are usually really wonderful. I'll take a private email or DM here and there.

• 21:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but it just, you can't take all that in. It's, you can't.

• 21:24Rayna Greenberg?

  No one's programmed for it.

• 21:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think it's interesting, with this, it's not nobody in particular, when people really think that you should. People really think their singular opinion, you should change your show for it. We've been getting emails like that for years. This isn't about that girl. This is about the entitlement that some people have, like, "I don't like this. Stop doing it," or "Do it differently." It's wild to me.

• 21:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, to those of you who do still like the show, everybody else, we love you guys.

• 21:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we have the best audience in the world. We say it all the time, and we're so honored to have moms and their daughters both listen, and I say that in a, like, age range, and also literally that that happens, and we know that happens, and then that they've come to the show. And so, it's been an honor to have you guys, like, along in the ride, and we love that we still have you young sluts listening and women going through menopause listening. You know, it's an honor.

• 22:15Rayna Greenberg?

  It is.

• 22:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 22:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, let's talk about it.

• 22:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Partners and then we will get into this episode today. We just recorded with Christina and this is incredible. We cannot wait for you guys to hear this interview. Whatever you think it is, you may or may not be right because it really takes so many different turns. It's wonderful. Yeah. Whatever you think it is, it's going to blow your mind. So I'm just going to tell you about Resort Pass. I am so excited. They are a partner of ours. I've known about this company for years. When they started, I was like, this is the most genius thing. Yeah, it really, really is. So.

• 22:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I just think all the time, like I'm in LA and we have these like amazing hotels and I don't want to check into a hotel, but I would like to go to them.

• 22:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go to the pool, go to the spa. So the concept is Resort Pass gives you access to luxury hotel pools, spas and cabanas for the day. No overnight stay, no membership. You just book it. Passes start at $25 and then your poolside for the day. That's it. So this is how to take a break and really enjoy your summer. If you're just having the summer where you're staying, where you're staycationing or you're just, not even if you're on a budget, just whatever you've got going on. Who wouldn't want to just go lay by the pool unless you live at these hotels? You don't have this experience. So go use the spa, go use the pool, what the girls day, family day. It's such a good thing for like a birthday party day. You know, I remember a friend of ours, she wanted to book this and she was like, I booked this cabana for us for the day and we went up there and joined her for her birthday.

• 23:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Takes no more than five minutes to book. They even have same day booking. They work directly with over 2,500 hotels and resorts to provide you with the same luxury hospitality that you would experience as an overnight guest. And again, it's just super easy. You don't need to plan this a bunch of time in advance. Over 100,000 five star reviews. They make rest, celebration and taking time for yourself easier than ever. And again, resorts are across US Caribbean and Mexico. 6 million guests who have already taken a Resort Pass vacation. So we have a deal for you guys. Visit resortpass.com slash GGE to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more. That's R E S O R T P A S S dot com slash GGE for $20 off Resort Pass. The day is yours.

• 24:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. And scams, truly the only bras underwear that I wear. I mean, I'm not wearing a bra today, but if I was, it would be scams. That's all I, that's all I wear pretty much. Thank you so much. Thank you to Dr. Barrett. But my every single day bra is. Everyday cotton tee shirt bra and it just goes under everything. It's so smooth. It's so comfortable. I moved yesterday and I wore it the whole day to boxes and pack stuff and it just was so comfy for the whole day. It goes under everything. It feels so nice and I always say I sleep in these as well and they're just really comfortable sleeping. They come with a ton of sizes and colors. So really you can match like a beige, black, white, tan color to like anything you're wearing and they have the everyday cotton ultimate bra as well. And it's the same roundness and like iconic lift that you're used to, but now it comes in everyday

• 24:59Rayna Greenberg?

  cotton. I mean, I love what Skims does. I sleep in their pajamas. I like their body shape wear. I've been wearing this like tank over there. So just

• 25:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  The cotton is great. I love the rib tank. It's the best rib tank I've ever had. I have it in multiple colors and I just really love that. I think I'm the biggest fan of their cotton.

• 25:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, absolutely. So you guys can shop everyday cotton and all of my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show on the drop down menu that follows.

• 25:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, IM8. So if you guys are feeling like you're not at 100%, low energy, digestion, focus, that is why you're going to want to look into IM8's Daily Ultimate Essentials. I was really sluggish this weekend. I think I just did a lot last week. I went out more nights than I usually do. I drank more. It was so much and then like went to this golf tournament. We walked all day, but I had like already worked out in the morning. I was like, I'm gonna die. But I just felt like really sluggish, like I needed something and I really love IM8 and I just love the packaging. It's so gorgeous. I'm just even just such a big fan of that. But IM8's Daily Ultimate Essentials can be your go to for getting the benefits of 16 different supplements in one tasty drink. This is co-founded by David Beckham and crafted with insight from experts at the Mayo Clinic, Cedar Sinai, and a former NASA chief scientist. It simplifies my wellness routine

• 26:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  and makes it easier to support my health. So 92 nutrient-rich ingredients, vitamins, minerals, adaptogens, pre, pro, and postbiotics is designed to help you feel good from the inside out. So they come in these little packets and you're just gonna throw it in a glass of water. I love to have it ice cold, stir it up, and just drink it. Super easy, clean ingredients, vegan, gluten free, non-GMO, NSF certified, which means all the ingredients are third-party tested for purity. That's really important. You can feel confident about what you're Putting into your body, making a solid choice if you are focused on your health. And again, it's going to help your energy, digestion, you just feel like you can do more, less bloating, all the things. So you can feel your best self every day with IM8. Go to im8health.com/gge and use code GGE for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order.

• 26:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's I M number eight, health, H E A L T H dot com slash GGE, code GGE for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order. Im8health.com slash GGE, code GGE. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. And let's get into it with Christina.

• 27:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, guys, we are very excited to welcome our guest today. She is an actor, an author, a screenwriter, and a producer. She spent a year working hands-on in an erectile dysfunction clinic in LA, treating hundreds of men at their most vulnerable, which resulted in her debut memoir, You Don't Know Dick. Please welcome to the show Christina Denton.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Thank you guys so much. I cannot wait to chat with you. This is so exciting.

• 27:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. We're so excited. I don't even know where to start. But we'll get into your whole story, but just a little bit about you. So you live here.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  I've been LA almost 20 years. I come from a very small town in rural California. Rural, who says rural, the country.

• 27:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Rural is a hard word.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is.

• 27:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's the appropriate word.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  My mom, as a speech therapist, would be very proud of me for pronouncing that correctly. But yeah, I'm from literally a place that couldn't be more different than LA, even though it is California. Most people don't realize how rural California actually is. Unless you've traveled outside of LA. Yeah. So, yeah, I always wanted to be an actor since I was two years old. I have no idea why I knew what that meant at two years old, but I told my mom. So I think there was just a performer, a storyteller that was always in me, and it took different forms over my life. I started doing poetry from a young age, short stories, dancing, singing, acting. Yeah. And it just kind of all made sense. And eventually I was like, I guess I'm going to be an author now, apparently.

• 28:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Well, I read your book yesterday, cover to cover. I just want to gas you up. Like, I love this book so much. You are a Really fun writer and like, we got this pitch to have you on the show and I was looking at it. I was like, huh, this is about dicks. Okay. It's gonna be like, just like a male apologist book or something. It's so much deeper than that. It's so interesting and funny and light and then serious. And I felt myself like feeling a lot of emotions. I mean, you just, I really want to gas you up. You've done a great job with this book. It's really different.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  Thank you. Yeah.

• 29:10Rayna Greenberg?

  So how long did the book take to write in total?

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Actual writing time was, it was six months off and on, but actual writing time was probably less than two months. Cause like, I write really, really fast, but this story's been in me for.

• 29:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Exactly. So it just pours out of you. And then did you find it really therapeutic, writing it? Like, did you have moments where, I mean, you write about your dad a lot and.

• 29:30Speaker 00

  You guys, okay. Do you remember that movie with Diane Keaton?

• 29:34Rayna Greenberg?

  We love her.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  R I P.

• 29:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 00

  Uh, Nancy Meyers movie, Something's Gotta Give.

• 29:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  Do you remember the scene where she's like the playwright and she's crying and she's trying to get.

• 29:42Rayna Greenberg?

  That's on picturing.

• 29:42Speaker 00

  That was literally me the whole time. I was like muscling my way through.

• 29:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 29:47Speaker 00

  Finishing this thing. Thank God I had a deadline. Cause otherwise I would have, that's why I was like, I had to get a publishing deal before I wrote it, or else I would not have actually forced myself to do it.

• 29:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Who's holding you accountable? No, seriously. But like, I did not expect so much emotion from this book about like penises and.

• 30:02Speaker 00

  Dicks can be very emotional. Listen.

• 30:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, part of me was like, is this just gonna be like, man, I have feelings too? And it was like. I was like, okay, we get it. It was so great and connected to the stories about your father and your relationship. And we will get into it, but when you were working at the dick clinic, which we should get into how you got a job there and became like the dick whisperer. But were you writing all the stories down as you went?

• 30:23Speaker 00

  Okay. In fairness, because I was already a screenwriter, I was already comedian. My lens on this whole world already was funny, right? Going in. I was like, this is insane. I am doing, I'm a dick fixer.

• 30:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Dream job for someone like you.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  For sure. Absolutely. For somebody who already was like into dicks and drawing dicks as a kid, like for sure.

• 30:40Rayna Greenberg?

  For a horny.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  But I was like, yeah, I would take notes in my notes app. I would be like, okay, that was the craziest shit that ever happened. I'm gonna make sure and remember that. You know what I mean?

• 30:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 30:48Speaker 00

  I had to. I just had to. Cause I was like, something crazy is happening to my life and I'm going to talk about this and I don't know how.

• 30:54Rayna Greenberg?

  You'd be crazy not to.

• 30:55Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 30:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I just want to like wrap up a little bit about you.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:57Rayna Greenberg?

  So you are sober.

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Married.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:01Rayna Greenberg?

  And you're our age. Do you say your age or you?

• 31:04Speaker 00

  I just turned 44. But thank you for thinking, um.

• 31:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. I'm upset. This is what living in LA does to you, though.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  That's right. Yeah, there's expectations.

• 31:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wow.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  Get it together. And I said, a lot of healing, a lot of healing. Listen.

• 31:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I aspire to look like you in 10 years.

• 31:21Speaker 00

  I know. You guys are doing great. You're doing just fine.

• 31:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're almost there. Okay. So wait, my last question. Is that your hand on the book?

• 31:28Speaker 00

  No, but I, but it looks just like that.

• 31:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  It does. There's a picture. It says, you don't know dick. And the eye of the dick, it's a hand wrapped around a. That's so funny. The eye of the dick.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  What is that?

• 31:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  You said that like it was the tip of the penis, but it's actually the letter I. The letter I.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's grabbing the eye.

• 31:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's a great book cover.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  And making a little bulge happen.

• 31:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  It looks a little bit like a butt plug.

• 31:46Speaker 00

  It's, you're right. I agree.

• 31:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it's bulging. Okay. So how did that decision get made? Like, you were like, I want to be the hand model. And they were like, sorry, no, you're not qualified?

• 31:53Speaker 00

  No, my cover designer and I were talking at length, obviously, about what the heck the cover is gonna be.

• 31:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 31:58Speaker 00

  I always wanted it to be this very aggressive, like bold, in your face. You're walking by to a bookstore going, okay, whoa, that thing just screamed at me. I clearly need to look at that.

• 32:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  I read it in my living room.

• 32:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. And like, my original idea was to turn the eye into like an exclamation mark, or have it be like sad, or you know what I mean, something?

• 32:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Uh huh.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  But then I was like, you know what? I think we just need to grab it. Like, I don't know.

• 32:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it. It's really smart.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  And he made this. And I was like, done. And the publishers were like, we love it. I was like, okay, we're doing it.

• 32:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it. All the colors.

• 32:24Speaker 00

  I love it. It's unapologetic.

• 32:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it is. And it's like, listen, you should read it in public, you guys. You should get it, read it on a plane. But it's horny, too, the grab. Like, it's kind, it's bold, and it's like.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  We're fixing dicks, one grab at a time. Listen, I don't know. Grab them by the dick, right? We're gonna change the narrative. I don't know. Maybe that's.

• 32:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's all of that.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  All of it.

• 32:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I want to talk about how you got into this job, because you were an actress, and you did not say, like, I'm gonna go into the medical, like, med spa profession. So like, how did this happen?

• 32:52Speaker 00

  No. So if anybody has ever tried to pursue a dream of acting, I was working multiple day jobs, always, right? Like, just plenty of things. Friends of mine were like, we're opening a wellness spa, and it's close to your house. And before I was commuting like an hour to this day job every day. I was like, yes. Great, perfect. I'll be your office manager. Fantastic. Three months in, they're like, we're never gonna make money. We're never gonna, like, there's a million of these wellness centers. Every strip mall has an. Anti-aging clinic, right? And so the, the husband of the duo was like, heard this Joe Rogan podcast.

• 33:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  As he, of course, because he's that guy. And they were talking about this biohacker, Ben Greenfield went on the podcast, talking about this service, this non-invasive solution to erectile dysfunction. No pills, no this, no surgery, this not, okay. And so he's like, we're going to bring this on, we're going to do it. And you're our only employee, so you're going to get certified.

• 33:40Rayna Greenberg?

  So crazy.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  And I was like folding towels.

• 33:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You'll be a nurse, go ahead.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:43Rayna Greenberg?

  But it's so smart.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  It is very smart, it's a very good business decision.

• 33:47Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, it's fine, look at the, like, the, the receptionist, the office manager, and be like, you'll do it. You're a comedian.

• 33:52Speaker 00

  Well, he knew, so, yeah, he's like, you, you clearly can, like, talk to anybody, right? And my background was, though, yes, I did have a background in physical therapy, though. So I have my, my degree in college is kinesiology, exercise science, nutrition. So I had worked in spaces that were similar, like adjacent, right? Obviously, I was not touching dicks, but I was handling people's bodies in certain ways. And so I think there was just this natural, like, you're going to be able to handle this. And I was like, you're asking me to do something extremely vulnerable, very mature, you're gonna have to pay me more money. I'm not going to make $25 an hour, like, fixing dicks, like, there's no way.

• 34:27Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the most money I think you could ask for, like, in anything.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Touching dicks? I gotta touch strangers dicks, 10 dicks a day.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  And stay professional and be very kind and like empathetic.

• 34:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Pay per dick, also, bonus.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  And I was like, give me, so we did, we worked out a deal, he was going to pay me X amount of money additional per dick. Fantastic, right? And so next thing I know, I'm on a flight to Tucson, Arizona.

• 34:48Rayna Greenberg?

  To train?

• 34:48Speaker 00

  Never been to Tucson, was in a clinic with all these urologists from all around the country. And I'm like, okay, wait, I'm clearly the only, like, actor slash comedian slash non-medical professional here. And they're taking it so seriously. And I'm like, there's a whole industry for, like, fixing dicks. Like, this is, like, they are paying, paying their mortgages from doing this. And I'm like, over here, like, like giggling like a schoolgirl at, like, what we're talking about. And we had to do a hands-on portion.

• 35:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Did that surprise you when the model walked out and they were like, here's the dick on the stage?

• 35:20Speaker 00

  Yes, of course, I was like, oh, wait, this is real. Like, this is gonna be, now, it's like confronting, you're like, you have to do this because you have to practice in order to get certified.

• 35:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 35:32Speaker 00

  And by the way, let's like not forget, this is, this machine is called shockwave therapy.

• 35:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 00

  Shockwave on a, like, that is not words you would put together wrongly, right?

• 35:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, like, I wouldn't, you couldn't shockwave my clit, I'm sorry, I don't care. But she also did people's vaginas.

• 35:47Speaker 00

  I did, and I had my own vagina, shocked.

• 35:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  So offended by this conversation. Okay, can I ask you one question, and before we continue? Were you, like, a dick enthusiast?

• 35:58Speaker 00

  Is that a thing?

• 35:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it is, I would say.

• 36:00Speaker 00

  I love that.

• 36:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, give me a, go tell me.

• 36:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Dick enthusiast, like, and you not a dick enthusiast? Because I like dick pics so much?

• 36:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  And dick videos?

• 36:07Rayna Greenberg?

  All the things, you love dick pics, you love a jerk off video, you like to watch people jerk off, you like to talk and look at penises, like, I'm a little more like, ew, a dick, like, oh, yeah, I do love it.

• 36:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I love my husband's dick.

• 36:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 36:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't, I'm not anti-dick, but I, between the two of us, I think.

• 36:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, no, no, that's fair, you're not like, I don't want to look at a dick, you just don't want to look at everyone's dick, and I do.

• 36:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you do.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Okay. Especially unsolicited dick.

• 36:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  So where do you fall between the, Rain, and I?

• 36:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I would say.

• 36:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Solicit them.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  I love that, I'm probably somewhere in the middle.

• 36:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  Like, I think it, yeah, like, if it's like, there's a dick, and now, now, after having this job, I'm like, yeah, great, there's a dick, of course, there's a dick, as, I've seen them out.

• 36:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're looking at them almost medically.

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Yes, 100%.

• 36:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's just a body part.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Nothing shocks me anymore after that job, like, literally, when it comes to dicks. Before that, I would say, I've always loved sex, I've always, like, been, like, pro dick, like, two dicks in a room, I'm always like, that's a lot to figure out, but like, you know, it's fun. Yeah, like, who figured it out?

• 37:00Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I really do want to have a threesome with two guys, I'm really, I really want to.

• 37:03Speaker 00

  I've never done that, because I always figured, like, I don't know how to pay attention to who, where.

• 37:08Rayna Greenberg?

  That's not my problem, I actually know, I used to think that too, like, there's so many body parts flying, that's not my problem. I'm here for my enjoyment, and you guys can figure it out.

• 37:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  But that's why it's better, because you don't care about them.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, if there was a woman in the room, I'd be like, I would be worried about her.

• 37:22Rayna Greenberg?

  So true.

• 37:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  But with men, who cares what they think?

• 37:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Someone I respect was in the room, I would care about it, but if it's two guys, I don't give a shit.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  You're like, figure it out, sword fight, let's go, yeah.

• 37:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Just, I will tower me, let's get, let's get it going.

• 37:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Has any woman in an MMF ever been like, I'm just really concerned if they were feeling included?

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Do you feel, do you feel seen? Are you sure?

• 37:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, we don't care. That's what makes it hot. You guys kiss, okay?

• 37:43Speaker 00

  It's like progressive, like threesomes. They're like, everyone, does everyone feel safe?

• 37:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so true. My one threesome, I was like really concerned with her feeling included. And I could not care less if men feel included.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  I forgot, like, the threesome I had, I forgot he was there. I was like, oh, yeah, he's, oh. Like, the novelty is me and the girl. I've done this before.

• 38:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can do this any night.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're, like, okay, stay over in your corner, please. Yeah.

• 38:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so you go to the conference.

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Go to the conference.

• 38:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you're like, this is my job now?

• 38:10Speaker 00

  This is my job now. And then my dad dies. And it takes a whole other turn, which I didn't want to, we don't have to talk about that yet. But come back two weeks later, have my first client.

• 38:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I think it matters is I think that you healed your relationship with issues. Yeah, you mentioned, I mean, like, that's the subtitle of the book.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's the whole thrust of the book in a lot of ways is about that.

• 38:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Your dick puns are off the charts. I don't know if you're trying.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  They never stop.

• 38:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're reserved, though. You have, you know, I think that you do it well. You don't take advantage. But I don't know if you're meaning to. Do you say thrust normally?

• 38:42Speaker 00

  I don't. It comes out when we're in this, like, it literally, I'll be talking, I'm like, oh, and I catch myself, and I'm like, shit. I'm like, everything is a dick on double on top, whatever they call it, yeah.

• 38:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you had a strained relationship with your father.

• 38:54Speaker 00

  I did.

• 38:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then he passed, and you've obviously talked about that in the book. Did he know you got this job?

• 38:59Speaker 00

  No, because he was kind of fading out before I got it. Yeah.

• 39:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, okay.

• 39:06Speaker 00

  So, yeah, no.

• 39:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  So that's on his lasting memory of you.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Unless my mom told him and I didn't know.

• 39:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  He did not know.

• 39:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  He was not aware. Yeah.

• 39:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're like, you raised me so poorly.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  I'm like, by the way, dad, before you die, dick fixing.

• 39:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, whenever we want to talk about it, where it goes in the story, you're welcome to bring it up.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  You really had to get closure and deal with the issues of their father postmortem.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did. I really did. And it didn't occur to me how much I was learning about him until kind of the job was over, like, with these men. Just to give you kind of like the timeline, I go into the job dealing, you know, fresh off the heels of daddy dying, right? And I'm like, I can't handle the grief. I'm gonna go to the funny. Literally, he taught me that. He taught me how to deal with hard moments.

• 39:46Rayna Greenberg?

  You're a comedian.

• 39:47Speaker 00

  You find the funny. I'm a comedian. Like, comedy comes from pain, right?

• 39:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  It's this coping mechanism for pain. So as I go into the job, all I'm looking at are the stories I'm getting, or the things I've experienced with these men that are funny. I can't hold any shame. I'm not looking for it, I'm not seeing it. And a few months in, I'm like, oh shit, something is definitely happening here where I'm witnessing men at their lowest. Like, it didn't even occur to me, like erectile dysfunction, because when I first heard about guys wanting to get their dicks fixed or preserve their dick life, my, my immediate thought was like, of course they do, pervs, right? It was like, gross, like, old dudes wanna still fuck, of course they do. Like, that was the perspective I had walking into this. So that's kind of all I was seeing. And then it started, like, again, I started seeing the pattern in all these different stories. And, you know, he was a, you know what I mean, their wife had died and they're trying to get back out there.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  They don't know how to deal with that. Their wife thinks that they're cheating because their penis doesn't work and they're trying to prove to her, like, and they don't want her to know that they're here. And like, I was like, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, I have a front row seat to male shame. To the thing that they are the most terrified of, which is this, like, you know, definition of what makes them a man is broken. And I'm like, oh shit. And so then all of a sudden, I started being able to look at them through a different lens and go, oh, wow, they are just as like emotional and vulnerable and screwed up as we are as women. They just can't talk about it.

• 41:06Rayna Greenberg?

  You wrote this line down in the book, "Men came to me looking for physical solutions to emotional wounds." And I would have the first thought starter that you did, which is like, of course, they want bigger dicks and harder dicks. And, I mean, you tell story after story in the book of people whose, like, partners are being not faithful to them, or partners have died and things like that. Yes, a couple of people wanted bigger dicks, but

• 41:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:26Rayna Greenberg?

  let's like, talk about it a little more.

• 41:27Speaker 00

  So, so here's the thing, this service, because it helps blood flow, no matter how big, it's not gonna make your dick bigger, but it will make you look fuller or more engorged, right? So you have this feeling of like, oh, I'm at like max capacity now.

• 41:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I just wanna clarify, you guys weren't doing penis implants?

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Not penis enlargement, not penis implant, no.

• 41:45Rayna Greenberg?

  And then can you kind of just explain the machine?

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. So it's literally like a futuristic looking gun and it sends, so there's this piston inside the chamber. And it goes back and forth and it slaps this metal tip that you put on the tissue. So, and by the way,

• 42:02Rayna Greenberg?

  It's touching the penis?

• 42:03Speaker 00

  The shaft, it's down the groin, under the balls, on the taint, all the way up the other side. So every single area that services blood flow to the penis to enlarge, to engorge it, was needing to help, we were trying to remove the plaque. So the idea of this called angiogenesis, right? It causes these little micro traumas from the sound wave, just shocking, like boom. And then it's the body's like, oh no, there's trauma. Let me go send like healing tissue or healing properties to go fix it. And so it would, it would kind of clean it up, almost like clearing debris out of a river of the blood vessels. So that you have more blood flow. What I was taught is 80 to 90% of ED is a blood flow issue. Right? The rest is like psychological. Or, and then sometimes when the physical problem is there, then you stop trusting your dick.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  And then it's, you know what I mean? So there's this feedback, right?

• 42:49Rayna Greenberg?

  So is it similar to like a mic, like microneedling where you're physically touching it with the wand?

• 42:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's just not actually going inside the body in any way. This is a completely, that's why I was able to get certified without being a medical professional, right? If you're gonna do any kind of injection or anything, you need a medical license or degree. So I was able to get certified without that because it's non-invasive.

• 43:08Rayna Greenberg?

  And people have to come several times?

• 43:10Speaker 00

  So the protocol at the time was six sessions. The device then took about 45 minutes to an hour per session. So very involved, very intimate, we're spending lots of time together.

• 43:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  I would have to put ultrasound gel on the penis to conduct the signal, which is basically putting lube on a dick that is not for pleasure. That's the whole story I tell. It's like, how do you?

• 43:30Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I want to talk about it because you are, I mean, you're a beautiful woman. You come, you come in the room. I wonder if those guys were like, fuck yes, or fuck no.

• 43:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  It was, it was split.

• 43:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Now they're like, oh, this is so weird. My dick works now.

• 43:43Speaker 00

  Many men were hard the moment I would pull the sheet down. And because we would have them wear numbing cream in order to help like reduce the snap of the like machine, they would wear it for an hour before. So like, you know how like,

• 43:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we've had to do numbing for.

• 43:57Speaker 00

  Oh, my God. Like, you're like, I can't feel my face, right? Same thing. So there's a lot of desensitization already happening. So a lot of them didn't even know they were hard. And they're laying down on a treatment table, clearly not making eye contact with me or their dick.

• 44:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sure.

• 44:09Speaker 00

  They don't know they're hard. And so some, like, sometimes I'd get guys who'd be like complaining, like, I don't know if this is working. And I'm literally holding their erect dick and I'm kind of like,

• 44:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so funny.

• 44:17Speaker 00

  And they, oh, oh, I guess, I guess it is.

• 44:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  But isn't that kind of good? Cause isn't,

• 44:21Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 44:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  For, they're like, wait, do I even need to be here?

• 44:23Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 44:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Six treatments and then is that the long term supposed to be forever? Or you come back in?

• 44:28Speaker 00

  No, it's, it depends on.

• 44:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Laser hair removal thing?

• 44:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, it's a good question. It depends on their health, like in general, like if they have high cholesterol, if they have diabetes, if they have preexisting conditions that are impacting their blood flow.

• 44:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  They're gonna have to come back more often. So they would tell us, like, this treatment will last about 18 months and then you might start seeing differences.

• 44:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Got it.

• 44:45Speaker 00

  But we would send them home with homework, like a penis pump to use regularly. I always tell people, penis pump is like cardio for your dick. It forces blood flow into the penis to help clear the debris. Every man, especially if you're over 40, I'm just gonna say it.

• 44:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  What?

• 44:58Speaker 00

  Needs a penis pump.

• 44:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  What?

• 45:00Speaker 00

  And should be using it regularly.

• 45:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just, I thought it was an aesthetic thing. It's really helps.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  It's like functional. It's preventative care.

• 45:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm like, I'm gonna order one.

• 45:08Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not that Shoshak has any issues.

• 45:10Speaker 00

  No, but you, yeah, listen.

• 45:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Why not get, I'm telling you.

• 45:12Rayna Greenberg?

  It's like, it's like preventative botox. I started botox at 28. I did not need it.

• 45:16Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 45:17Rayna Greenberg?

  And now I don't have wrinkles. I know you guys are looking at my face now, like you can move your face and tomorrow we're going to get botox. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll get right back into it with Christina. So I'm telling you guys about BiOptimizers. I first discovered this company right after I got surgery a couple of years ago. And I was just like waking up in the middle of the night. I was super uncomfortable, like my heart was racing, my mind was racing. I just couldn't get back to sleep. And the doctor suggested this just for like a better sleep, calmer, without like waking up feeling like exhausted and wrung out. Cause sometimes those sleep aids can make you feel like that. And BiOptimizers, the magnesium. Breakthrough that they do is really what helped me and just calm me down, help me to sleep a little better. You guys know that sleep is like the most important thing. I think it's why I look young and it's just like keeps me so healthy and just like energized.

• 45:58Rayna Greenberg?

  And magnesium breakthrough by optimizers, it's PhD formulated, it's backed by 20 years of research and over 15,000 lab tests. So this has been heavily researched and it's not just one type of magnesium. So it's an all in one magnesium complex. There's seven different forms working together to support sleep, stress, energy and recovery. So it's just something good you can do for your body, you guys. If you're ready to finally sleep great and feel like yourself again, head to buy optimizers.com slash GGE and use our exclusive code GGE to get 15% off any order. You'll get great discounts, free gifts and the peace of mind of never running out. And buy optimizers backs it with a 365 day, no questions asked, money back guarantee, a full year zero risk.

• 46:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Because at the end of the day, buy optimizers mission is to empower everyone to live a stronger, longer, better life. And this is one of the best tools I've found to actually do that. So again, that is 15% off at buy optimizers.com slash GGE and use our code GGE. Make this the year you finally get your sleep, your energy and yourself back.

• 46:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, Quince for summer. What do you guys have going on this summer? You need swim, you need light breathable fabrics, washable silk, linen.

• 47:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Their silk skirts.

• 47:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, Reina.

• 47:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Their silk skirts for summer are unbelievable.

• 47:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Here's what I'm obsessed with. I feel like we've never talked about with them, dresses to wear to weddings. Look at these. Could you die? Look at these right there. $80. That blue.

• 47:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Why is that blue dress like the exact dress but better than I wore to this?

• 47:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So the Bianca stretch satin dress in this beautiful blue, $80. The Catalina stretch satin dress also $80. Like a butter yellow. Their butter yellow is perfect.

• 47:30Rayna Greenberg?

  No, it's gorgeous.

• 47:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are you guys hearing me?

• 47:32Rayna Greenberg?

  That light blue, I've never gotten more compliments on that color.

• 47:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  And a butter yellow. These are like blind spots. I think people talk about like dresses to wear to other people's weddings. It can be like so annoying, so frustrating. Like where do you get them from? So Quince has got everything. I mean, we love their cashmere and their silk, of course, and their cotton and their linen. And all those beautiful everyday pieces start at $32. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand. Markup and they just have everything. They have stuff for home, kitchen, bedding and beyond. I saw this really cute polka dot swimsuit. You're really into polka dots right now. If you're taking like a European vacation, that's the look you want or whatever staycation. Just polka dots are so in. So they really have everything. They're just such a go to. I have this dress I wear all the time. It's got the shorts underneath, kind of like an exercise dress that you could

• 48:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  play tennis or pickleball in, but I just wear it out. I just am obsessed. And so you really can elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash GGE for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash GGE for free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash GGE.

• 48:37Rayna Greenberg?

  All right. Well, I travel a lot. I really never know what to do about groceries because I end up buying a lot of stuff and then like, I'm just like, I don't know what recipes to make with this. Then I just have too much. So I find myself just spending like too much time figuring out what to eat and hunger root is like the perfect solution to that. So it makes my life so much easier. It helps me like plan my meals for the week, fill my cart, delivers everything that I need right to my door to eat like healthy and have great meals and recipes for myself. So when you go onto hunger root.com, you will take this quiz and it'll ask you all things about like your health goals, dietary preferences, budget to curate for you and like, are you cooking for kids? Are you vegetarian? You're trying to eat low fat? Are you trying to eat high fat? Trying to get more protein, whatever you're trying to do. For that high fat diet. Trying to be less healthy. Go to hunger. No, I'm just kidding you. I said.

• 49:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, not at all.

• 49:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Not at all. Hunger takes into account your health goals and everything. They'll learn your taste and dietary needs and they offer over 50,000 chef crafted recipes that can be ready in 15 minutes or less. So they're basically going to like stock your cart with everything to make these recipes. And all the food is high standards. They screen out over 200 additives, including high fructose corn syrup. It's only high quality ingredients. Plus there's organic produce and non GMO options. I mean, it just couldn't be better to just keep you like feeling good, stocked, ready to eat. You're going to love hunger root as much as we do for a limited time. Get 40% off your first order, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hunger root.com slash GGE and use the code GGE. That's hunger root.com slash GGE. Code GGE to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Okay.

• 50:06Rayna Greenberg?

  So, okay. You suggested penis pump and then just more like. Another medical question, like, did you have like a spiel that you went through, like, change your diet? Here's things that can help you, basically, like foods, less alcohol, more sleep? Like, what was the other spiel?

• 50:18Speaker 00

  I called it penis boot camp.

• 50:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  I put my clients through what I call, because I used to be a personal trainer and my background with all this health stuff. I'm like, all right, look, if this is like a blood flow issue, if this is high cholesterol, you've got to clean up your lifestyle. Like, it's only going to benefit your circulation in your whole body, especially there. And what I was taught is that oftentimes ED is a precursor for heart disease, because the blood vessels are so much smaller, so they start to fill up with plaque first. And usually within, I think it was, the stat was like, in, within three years, you're going to have a heart attack or heart problem if you don't change your lifestyle. So it's like a warning sign. Like, I have this thing in there, it's like, your dick is trying to save your life. Like, pay attention. Like, come on, you know, so, yeah.

• 50:56Rayna Greenberg?

  And what was like the age range of people that came in?

• 50:59Speaker 00

  Oh, my gosh. Honestly, I had clients young as 18 and as old as 80. And the average, of course, was in 50s and 60s.

• 51:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  But there were like a lot of other reasons, guys, like motorcycle accidents, sex accidents, which I had a lot of questions about that.

• 51:14Rayna Greenberg?

  One of our first episodes.

• 51:15Speaker 00

  Tell me more. Exactly. It happens. And people don't realize that unless they've been through it, right?

• 51:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  A lot of my clients, there's, if they had scar tissue on one side because of an injury, because of something else, they'd have Peyronie's disease, right? Which is where like it bends one way or the other. It's actually pretty common.

• 51:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Doesn't that feel kind of good?

• 51:32Speaker 00

  I mean,

• 51:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, don't you have experience with that?

• 51:33Speaker 00

  It depends on how, okay, so it depends on how you're shaped. Because a lot of us are crooked, too.

• 51:38Rayna Greenberg?

  We also have a crooked, right?

• 51:40Speaker 00

  You're like, oh, I'm crooked, so it feels great.

• 51:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Hooked towards his stomach.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, when it was inside of me, it felt nice.

• 51:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I can probably hook different.

• 51:46Speaker 00

  Exactly. It can bend different ways, 100%. Yeah, I've seen it all.

• 51:50Rayna Greenberg?

  So when someone would come in, do you always talk with them at length? Or is it, or do people come in and they don't want to talk, just fix me? Like, or is it there, you've seen it all?

• 52:00Speaker 00

  I've seen it all. I credit my acting background to teaching me how to sort of adjust my energy and personality for different people in front of me, playing moments off of them. Often, if they were really rigid and kind of like uptight at first, we would crack at some point, right? They would cry because I make them feel safe. And like, for me, I don't want to feel awkward in the room.

• 52:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  So I'm like trying to find my way in like, what do they need from me so that they can feel as safe as possible, so that I can like, help them the best way?

• 52:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And what typically was that?

• 52:27Speaker 00

  Humor disarms people, right? Asking them about them being super curious. I would do a lot of self-deprecating humor of like, oh my God, so many guys like, oh, we see, making them just feel like this is

• 52:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Normal.

• 52:39Speaker 00

  abnormal, and it is. I remember feeling like halfway through the job, I started getting so frustrated that nobody understood about sexual dysfunction and the taboo topic, the shame around it. And I started feeling this conviction to normalize the conversation, which here we are with a book. And like, that's, that's my MO because I'm like, I know for me, if I feel like something's wrong with me, that's like so shameful and nobody's talking about it, like, I don't want to feel that. How do I normalize what I'm going through? And it's like, you look at other people, they're like, I remember watching, um, I first started seeing like Brene Brown, like, and she was so just like, guys, I'm human and I'm such a mess. And I'm like, she has a microphone and a platform and she's talking about how messy she is. So I was like, why aren't we all doing that? You know what I mean? It just being honest about, and a lot of my book is about the messy middle.

• 53:22Speaker 00

  We are human, we are so flawed and like, let's just embrace that, right? So I tried to do that with them in the room so that they could feel safe to open up and it would work. And it was amazing. I mean, I'd meet men that like culturally had like a lot of blocks with speaking to a woman. Like I had this, this is one of my very most funny stories is a guy from Pakistan. And I was like, okay, he's like, my wife cannot know that I ever came to see you. And I'm like, okay, totally fair. Why would I ever tell her? I never even meet these wives most of the time.

• 53:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Legally, I can't tell your wife.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. And, and I was just like, you know, and then it was like, he didn't want to tell me. And all of a sudden, a couple of sessions in, he's like, well, we're having a really hard time having, and I started to learn that, oh, she was very domineering and he's like a submissive man and he doesn't really speak up for himself. And I'm like, well, no wonder your penis doesn't work. Like you don't, you're emasculated in this marriage. And like, I don't know why that's happening, but, and I was like, well, you know, kind of what a strong woman really likes, right? Like she wants you to like, make the decisions, take that off her plate. Like, I just started like saying weird therapy shit that I didn't know what the hell I was saying, but it felt right. And he tried it and he came back and he's like, it worked and we had sex. I go, what? And your penis worked? She's like, yeah. And I go, uh huh. And I'm like, so he's telling me this one story, you guys. And then one of the craziest shit that ever happened in my time. And so imagine this man, he's coming off this victory. He's so excited.

• 54:36Speaker 00

  I'm so excited. I feel like a winner. I'm like, this is my greatest success. Like I got him to have sex with his wife. This is fantastic. And then a little fly starts buzzing around his penis in the middle of the session.

• 54:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, so serious? This isn't a metaphor?

• 54:49Speaker 00

  This is a real fly, decided to join us. And it's like, I'm holding his penis, right? And he's just like talking happily about his success.

• 54:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  And the gel's on his penis?

• 54:57Speaker 00

  The gel is super sticky. And I'm have this machine, it's doing this. And I'm like, oh, you fucking don't, don't you fucking dare land on his dick? Don't you do this to him? I can't have this right now. And of course it does, and it lands.

• 55:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it doesn't.

• 55:08Speaker 00

  Yes, it does.

• 55:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is like that debate with Mike Pence and the fly. And we're watching it and you're like, if that fly lands on Mike Pence's head.

• 55:14Speaker 00

  It's over.

• 55:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Remember, that was like the most famous fly.

• 55:16Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, exactly. It lands and then half of its body is like stuck in the gel. And it's trying to get away and it's doing this.

• 55:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's stuck in the gel!

• 55:24Speaker 00

  Uh huh, fuck, what do I do? What do I, do I kill it on the dick? Do I smash it? Do I zap it?

• 55:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Smack the dick?

• 55:31Speaker 00

  Like, I don't know what to do, right? And I'm like, oh, my God, but I gotta like, the fly is miserable. He's, I, and I'm.

• 55:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are people laid down?

• 55:38Speaker 00

  They're laying on a medical table, like flat on their back.

• 55:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 55:41Speaker 00

  Looking up at the sky, trying not to ever make eye contact with me.

• 55:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. I bet the machine would have zapped the fly, like one of those fly swatters.

• 55:47Speaker 00

  Totally, it totally would have. Electrocuted, I don't even know. Yes, exactly. Those, oh, my God, I love those. Yes, and so I was like, all right, Christina, just, just like whatever. So I try to like, kind of like, but I don't want him to feel me. Like, it was a very complicated situation. What are you doing? And looking and then he's like, there's a fly on my dick. I can't have that. It'll go right back down to the shame world. And I was like, we're not doing this. So I, I like lightly smash it and it rolls down onto his ball. And I'm like.

• 56:15Speaker 00

  And I'm like, I, he doesn't have numbing cream on his balls. Now what do I do? And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna try to like flick it. Like, it was, I was, I was like sweating. How do you flick a fly but not hit the ball? Like, that is skill. Like, that is skill. And I was like, I somehow, I was like, huh! And like, maybe I'll make a noise. It was.

• 56:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  You copped?

• 56:35Speaker 00

  We saved the day. He did not, he was never aware that there was a fly on his dick at all.

• 56:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Gel-covered fly on his ball.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  Oh, the stickiest, grossest. It was, it was amazing.

• 56:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  This poor man.

• 56:47Speaker 00

  This poor man, he'll never know.

• 56:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love what you said about normalizing. That's what anybody wants. I mean, that's why it's really, wi- women, when we go to.

• 56:55Rayna Greenberg?

  The gynecologist, something's off. You want to know that this is so normal.

• 56:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Everyone has HPV, you know, like little things like that.

• 57:01Speaker 00

  Everyone.

• 57:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that is everyone's biggest fear is to feel like something is abnormal with their body. And of course, their sex life, their desire is all of that too, but just like something's wrong with me. And so probably once you tell men that so many people are coming in and out, like you're, you're, this is nothing. I see this all day, every day. They're probably immediately disarmed.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Exactly. And that, and that's the thing that you, you know, again, because men don't talk to each other about these things.

• 57:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 57:26Speaker 00

  Let alone their wives or girlfriends.

• 57:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 57:28Speaker 00

  They go to the doctor and the doctor's like, ma, here's a pill. I was talking to this woman the other day. She's like, well, my husband has ED and he went to the doctor and he just said, well, you probably have it because you're married. And I was like.

• 57:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Boredom?

• 57:39Speaker 00

  What? Yeah, like the doctor.

• 57:41Rayna Greenberg?

  He diagnosed him with boredom?

• 57:42Speaker 00

  The doctor's like, mm, you're probably just bored of, in your marriage. And I was like, that is so, this is like the perfect example of, of the problem. When men go to seek help from this and they go to the urologist, the doctor, a lot of urologists, I'm not saying all of them have antiquated information.

• 57:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure.

• 57:56Speaker 00

  They literally just prescribe medicine and tell them to go about their day. They're not fixing the source of the problem. They're not addressing the psychology. They're, it's just get out of my office.

• 58:04Rayna Greenberg?

  That might be true, but there's so much more nuance. It's not like it's false information, but when you deliver it is like, this is the problem with no solution or context.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  And no business jumping into that.

• 58:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Supposed to be. You're gonna leave your wife?

• 58:17Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 58:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Take a, take a, take a pill.

• 58:19Speaker 00

  I just get a mistress.

• 58:21Rayna Greenberg?

  And so much of men's identity and self-worth comes from their penis, but I do like, I understand it because like my whole life, I had these like giant tits and they were amazing. And I, it was my whole personality.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  It was wrapped around your identity, yeah.

• 58:32Rayna Greenberg?

  And I got a breast reduction. They were too big. I got a second one and he botched the second boob job. And I had like a botched left breast. Like it just, it was like flat on the side. The scar like healed really badly. And I just was like, it never even occurred to me, like talk to anybody about this, like a doctor. I was just like, this is embarrassing. This is just going to how I'm going to look for the rest of my life. And it wasn't until like another nurse heard me talking about it with Ashley that she was like, oh, this happens and I know what this is called, but like, I was so embarrassed with how my body looked.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 58:59Rayna Greenberg?

  And this is the thing I took a lot of self-worth from was like my sexuality and how I look naked and I'm so proud of it. And I was just like, this has changed my identity, how I look naked now.

• 59:08Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 59:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, it was so embarrassing to talk about, and I never would have talked about it. And that's crazy, because we do a whole show about your body and how you feel in your body.

• 59:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:16Rayna Greenberg?

  And so I'm sure these men even more so, because I'm a woman, it's easy for me to talk about it.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 59:20Rayna Greenberg?

  These men are like, I don't, who am I gonna tell about this?

• 59:22Speaker 00

  Who am I gonna tell? Exactly.

• 59:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  And just in general, like, the most vulnerable you are is when you're naked with somebody and...

• 59:28Speaker 00

  And the performance, right? Men are expected, like, we, you can't really, it's like, okay, we get wet, or we don't, whatever. But it's like, we're there, it's like, there's no outward expression of whether or not we're gonna function for sex. You know what I'm saying? They are like, it's like, oh, if you don't get hard, we don't have sex.

• 59:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like can't, I imagine it. I feel for men on this.

• 59:47Speaker 00

  I know.

• 59:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because if I am not as lubricated as I typically am, I'm in my head, and that's also so fixable.

• 59:54Speaker 00

  Like, this isn't like me, I never need lube, um, what's happening?

• 59:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but it's an easy fix.

• 59:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  We sell great lubes, you guys, on Bites Only. But with a guy, that's it. If he can't perform, he actually isn't charged in how this is gonna go.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:00:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, we'd love to talk to you even about that today.

• 1:00:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  We had a urologist on years ago.

• 1:00:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Rena Malik.

• 1:00:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Rena Malik. And ED is on the rise in general, and you already discussed that it's blood flow, or psychological, or both, and it's cyclical.

• 1:00:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think a lot of women don't know what to do in these situations. And we've hammered this home as much as we can, we've even had men on to discuss this, that it has nothing to do with how hot you are, for the mostly. You know, especially if this is your, somebody you've already had sex with, you're in a relationship with, whatever, like, kind of one-night stands excluded. But women take it personally, and it's not always about that. And so, do you have tips for even just handling that with a partner in the bedroom? And what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do?

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I think it's, it's so much of it is, again, it's like, it starts with a conversation, right? It's like, how do we make them feel safe enough to actually talk about this with us? Like, rather than internalizing it and making it, like, blaming ourselves, right? It's like, where can we find the middle ground of going like, hey, how can I help you? Is there something I can do to help you? Rather than like, oh my god, like, am I, like, you're... Not attracted. Like I went through that before. Don't get me wrong. Like during this job.

• 1:01:17Rayna Greenberg?

  We all have when we were younger too, especially you hyper personalize it.

• 1:01:21Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 1:01:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Not in the moment.

• 1:01:23Speaker 00

  I know. And there's a whole systemic thing about women. Like, you know, it's like always our fault.

• 1:01:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  We're not pretty enough, young enough, you know, all the things. But and I don't know how like your, your average age of your audience, but a lot of women haven't had to come up against this yet in, in right. And like, once you get to that place, it's like, oh, I didn't think this was going to happen to me.

• 1:01:40Rayna Greenberg?

  It is really a lot more prevalent, actually.

• 1:01:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, we're seeing it younger and younger.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  Yes, especially because.

• 1:01:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like the anxiety generation.

• 1:01:47Speaker 00

  Drug use, like not pharmaceutical drug use, right? There's so many things that can be caught that can be.

• 1:01:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Just born, just growing up with so much.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  Desensitized, dopamine problems from screen time, all the things, right? There's so many reasons. And so I think, again, like it starts with the conversation of like, how do we create a safe space where we can actually talk about this?

• 1:02:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:04Speaker 00

  There are so many different things you can do before medication, depending on what's going on. There's also, like I said, you know, the penis boot camps, like lifestyle, like getting, you know, a penis pump, making sure you're working out, making sure you have circulation in your body happening in general, right? So it's not to say it's all on the guy. I think if you're in a relationship, it's, it's both people. It's like, how do we both support each other through this? Right? And instead of focusing on the shame of it, focus on the solution. I like to be a solution oriented person. I want to focus on how do we fix this? Not like what?

• 1:02:36Rayna Greenberg?

  For both of us.

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  Let's wallow in all the sadness about it. So again, I'm not a medical expert. I always tell everybody, I'm not a medical professional. I just know what I saw and I just know what I witnessed.

• 1:02:45Rayna Greenberg?

  So do people understand like the volume? You were seeing 10 dicks a day, five days a week for a year?

• 1:02:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:50Rayna Greenberg?

  What?

• 1:02:51Speaker 00

  At the P. Look, here's the thing.

• 1:02:54Rayna Greenberg?

  10 a day?

• 1:02:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  10 a day.

• 1:02:55Speaker 00

  Dude, it was exhausting. The thing is, so we were one of the first clinics, if not the first clinic in LA to do this service. And I'm talking like in all of like Southern California, like it was very new. We were, I called the Wild West of dick fixing because we were still figuring out what we were doing in general in our clinic, let alone like no, people were flying in from other states to see me.

• 1:03:14Rayna Greenberg?

  What a fun time.

• 1:03:15Speaker 00

  They were driving down from other counties. Like it was crazy.

• 1:03:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I love this.

• 1:03:19Speaker 00

  And so at the peak, I was working 50 hours a week on dicks. When I tell you my neck, my, my.

• 1:03:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Christina.

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  Cause it's like literal construction. It's like manual labor. This thing sounds like a jackhammer. It's so aggressive. They're probably better now.

• 1:03:31Rayna Greenberg?

  She was the office manager.

• 1:03:33Speaker 00

  I was answering phones.

• 1:03:34Rayna Greenberg?

  She's trying to be an actor.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:03:37Rayna Greenberg?

  How'd she get here? It was like, I am an actress. I will answer phones here for a, for a couple of months.

• 1:03:41Speaker 00

  I would go home every night and go like, what am I doing with my life?

• 1:03:44Rayna Greenberg?

  And by the way, we will, if people are wondering, we will get to your relationship at the time.

• 1:03:47Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:48Rayna Greenberg?

  And like how that affects your relationship.

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  Oh my God, we have so much more to cover.

• 1:03:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh yeah. I wanted to just qualify for people to, they understand the volume of dicks you were seeing.

• 1:03:54Speaker 00

  There weren't many clinics doing it outside of the headquarters in Florida, right? That, that sort of trained us on this protocol, right? Of course it was Florida, all the retirees, let's go. So we were like learning every day how to do this and we had an incredible marketing team. Like the, the guy's background was marketing, the owner of the clinic. So if nothing else, we were great at getting people to the clinic. And then I had to sort of, as the only technician, once we got so, so busy, I mean, my neck and my arm, like everything was in pain all the time, all of it. I was hurting all the time and I was like, what am I doing here? But we started trying to train people and it was really tough to get another person who could handle this. Even nurses who were like, oh, you're a nurse, like you're trained to see crazy shit. No, they were like, I don't think I can do this. And they would bail. And so it was like, and I felt very protective over my clients at a certain point.

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  Where I was like, okay, not just anyone's going to walk in here and do this. You need to have a certain personality. You need to like, I've like kind of set this bar of how you're going to behave, what you're going to talk about. And if you can't like do that, you're not going to work here.

• 1:04:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:52Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? So it was insane how much I was, and so by the time I left, I would looked at like my client roster and I remember clocking the number and I was like, I worked on over 400 dudes. Like in a year, like that's so many different dicks. Attached to so many different problems and stories and shame and it was crazy.

• 1:05:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, the amount of people that just walk in every single day, like with their baggage, like.

• 1:05:17Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:05:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Like.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  And I'm like, da, da, da, da, da, da, uh huh. Like just, but like, I had to get like things accomplished and hold their stories and remember. And like, it was so incredible. It changed my life, but it was also extremely exhausting. I was tired all the time.

• 1:05:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to ask you about people that like walked in. You talk a lot about people that walk in with like a real sense of like bravado, like chest puffed out.

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, can, can you talk about that a little bit and how you kind of got through it?

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Like what was going on?

• 1:05:43Speaker 00

  Which like. For me, and you know, given like, my dad was very much that guy, right? He was like, very proud and very like arrogant. And so I was trained to deal with men like that from birth, right? I was like, oh, here we are. Here we are again. I wasn't really aware that there was something they were covering until I was in this job. You know, you see guys like, okay, big, big truck, small dick, or oh, like, the kind of typical stuff that like, as women, we would make fun of with men, like trying to like, front or whatever. But this was so different, right? So like, they come in and it's like, like you, sometimes they'd see me and they'd be like, mm mm. Her? No, she's not treating me. And I'm like, dude, it's LA. I don't know. I'm the only one.

• 1:06:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Attractive woman?

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, I think they were expecting like, some like grandma that like, they could feel like they're just being like nanny'd by and

• 1:06:28Rayna Greenberg?

  They felt a little less emasculated about the situation.

• 1:06:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, and so I'd get the like uncomfortable questions like, oh, so, what does your boyfriend think of you doing this? Or your husband, like, oh, I don't know if I could be with someone who fixes dicks all day. Oh, like, just, just absolute, just peacocking, like deflecting, trying to put up the front, like, I, I know I'm here for my broken dick, but I'm still like, better than this, you know? Like, they didn't wanna

• 1:06:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  allow the reality of what was happening to, to, to exist in that room together.

• 1:06:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Crazy. You were someone they would fuck. So it's like, that's the problem. Like, they wanted some like, older German lady.

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, like doesn't speak English. So they can have that disconnect.

• 1:07:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Not a younger woman who like, really puts all their problems in front of them. They're like, you are the person I'm getting this fixed for.

• 1:07:11Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, so it took, it took time and it took work for me to also like, get my ego checked because as soon as I would encounter a guy like that, I'm like,

• 1:07:20Rayna Greenberg?

  That would be so tough.

• 1:07:21Speaker 00

  Fuck you. Like, you're my dad. Like, I'm gonna fucking destroy you. I'm gonna be more powerful or whatever it was, right? Because I didn't want them to be in control of me and control of the conversation. Right? And so here I am like, at any moment, I could shock your ball. And hurt you.

• 1:07:35Rayna Greenberg?

  You would you say that?

• 1:07:35Speaker 00

  I have that kind of.

• 1:07:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Kind of bring the.

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  No, I would not like, no, but I mean, I'm saying like, I knew internally that like, I held the power in the room.

• 1:07:42Rayna Greenberg?

  But how, but how did you even deal with those things you were saying?

• 1:07:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Like that, I'm immediately triggered. I'm, I don't have the patience or like.

• 1:07:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Rayna Greenberg?

  To handle that. Like, I want to clap back.

• 1:07:51Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:07:52Rayna Greenberg?

  You're at work, you know, so. So how do you like? Yeah, how did you?

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I think I had to just swallow a lot of like. Words and bite my tongue. I will say though, in credit to like the situation, those behaviors didn't last long. This is like so funny. I talk about this in the book, the big reveal moment. So what I would do is I would provide them this medical drape. It was like a big sheet, right? And I'd say, okay, like, go and take your pants off, whatever. And like, lay down, put the drape over you. Now, the drape is always folded. And so you kind of look at the gynecologist, you have to open up the robe and like, put it on, right? The paper drape, right? It's so ugly and gross, but we have to do it. And so they would, a lot of times, guys would not open it up and they would just keep this little square on top of their penis. And they would lay down and I was like, oh God. Or they'd open it once or, and then other guys would get it and they'd open it, like, put a sheet on. So then there was like, I talked them through what I was gonna do. I would give them, you

• 1:08:38Speaker 00

  know, the whole rundown. And then I would do the big reveal of seeing their dick for the first time.

• 1:08:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 1:08:42Speaker 00

  They didn't.

• 1:08:43Rayna Greenberg?

  The big reveal.

• 1:08:44Speaker 00

  And there's no way, even though I never said that, there's no way they weren't like, oh, she's seeing my dick. You know what I mean? And I was like, oh, here we go. And I'm gonna learn a whole lot about you without ever saying a word, right? Because I'm gonna see what your dick looks like.

• 1:08:56Rayna Greenberg?

  The saxophone start playing louder.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  That's right. That's right.

• 1:08:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you play music in the room?

• 1:09:01Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:09:02Speaker 00

  Of course, like spa, like music.

• 1:09:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Can you imagine? She, she has sound effects.

• 1:09:05Speaker 00

  Brr, brr, brr. And now coming down.

• 1:09:09Rayna Greenberg?

  A sad trombone. It's insane.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:09:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Hit it, hit it.

• 1:09:13Speaker 00

  I'm announcing, yeah, it's like announcing a boxer's entrance to like the ring. Like, I'm just like.

• 1:09:17Rayna Greenberg?

  And now.

• 1:09:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, coming out of the.

• 1:09:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it's three and a half hard.

• 1:09:20Speaker 00

  Three and a half hard, yeah.

• 1:09:21Rayna Greenberg?

  The guy that came up in the, in the Cybertruck.

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:09:25Rayna Greenberg?

  You just like give her music based on how big their dick is.

• 1:09:27Speaker 00

  That's right. It was just like, oh God, hey Siri, can you change it to this?

• 1:09:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, tell us the direct correlation between Cybertrucks and. All dicks, because I'm sure it's direct.

• 1:09:36Speaker 00

  Unfor-

• 1:09:37Rayna Greenberg?

  The Venn diagram is a circle.

• 1:09:38Speaker 00

  Unfortunately for me, I, I try really not to think. I, I see it and I just immediately, I'm like, oh, come on dude. Like, really? Like, don't advertise to us.

• 1:09:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, but you do talk about this guy who came in who was particularly unpleasant and not nice and he had a micro penis.

• 1:09:51Speaker 00

  He was-

• 1:09:52Rayna Greenberg?

  So that's why I would ask you.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  He had an inverted penis.

• 1:09:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Is big dick energy real in terms of a big, nice cock and a confident?

• 1:10:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Normal dude as opposed to the, also, we're talking about problems with their dick, so it's-

• 1:10:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Size is also involved. Like, a lot of these guys could be insecure about what's actually going on with the dick, but I'm just curious about you, those guys that act like that.

• 1:10:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Did it correlate to smaller penises and were bigger dick guys a little cooler?

• 1:10:19Speaker 00

  I, so, here's what I'll say, because I'm meeting them flaccid most of the time.

• 1:10:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Which you never know what they're gonna do.

• 1:10:25Speaker 00

  Right. It could be a shower or a grower. We don't know. We don't know.

• 1:10:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I, I hooked up with a guy once. I thought it was my first micro penis. The way he got fully hard, I was like, we need more lube. Like, I've never seen it in my life. I did a whole bit about it.

• 1:10:36Speaker 00

  It's crazy, right?

• 1:10:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I had the opposite thing happen. I saw one of the biggest dicks I've ever seen in my life. I was like, this is my dream. And I'd only ever seen it in like videos and photos and-

• 1:10:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of videos.

• 1:10:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, we had sex and then it went back to normal. Watching it does- Deflate. Go the other way. I was like-

• 1:10:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:52Rayna Greenberg?

  It could get that small? That's crazy. I, I can't believe that.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  It's how we function.

• 1:10:57Rayna Greenberg?

  It's my fucking mind. I couldn't believe it. So it's just, you can, you know nothing by a flaccid penis. Nothing, nothing.

• 1:11:03Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:11:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Unless it's huge flaccid, of course. No, we, I was, I told, I was like, I can't believe it's still going.

• 1:11:08Speaker 00

  I, it's just shrinking. It's like a slinky.

• 1:11:10Rayna Greenberg?

  How did that go to that?

• 1:11:12Speaker 00

  It's great. What I will say, because again, I was meeting men with like mostly flaccid, right? There were some that got erect, of course, but mostly flaccid. I will say, I cannot correlate size of dick to size of man. Some of the smallest, littlest men have the giant, this like sausage just

• 1:11:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:31Speaker 00

  Dong.

• 1:11:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Came with a big dong.

• 1:11:33Speaker 00

  And a giant man with like, where did it go?

• 1:11:36Rayna Greenberg?

  When you see a guy that's like six, four and it does not match.

• 1:11:39Speaker 00

  I know, I know.

• 1:11:41Rayna Greenberg?

  The stature.

• 1:11:41Speaker 00

  The whole thing.

• 1:11:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You're like, it is big, it's just not big on you.

• 1:11:44Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:11:44Rayna Greenberg?

  No, not always.

• 1:11:46Speaker 00

  Not, yeah, it's, listen.

• 1:11:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Sometimes it's just li- literally not big. I, I had a six, four guy that was so small. Wait, tall, skinny guys usually are slang and big dicks.

• 1:11:53Speaker 00

  There's a lot of those. I definitely saw a lot of those.

• 1:11:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Any other, any other pattern?

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  The other pattern I saw was body fat and ball size.

• 1:12:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Balls get bigger and fatter?

• 1:12:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're just elephant.

• 1:12:06Rayna Greenberg?

  When you're bigger?

• 1:12:07Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:12:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, my God, you know what I'm dying, you know? It post dates you, like what Ozempic is doing to penises?

• 1:12:12Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I wasn't in the clinic when I was in.

• 1:12:14Rayna Greenberg?

  So this is, by the way, so people don't, twenty eighteen, would you say?

• 1:12:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, during the Me Too movement.

• 1:12:19Rayna Greenberg?

  What a time.

• 1:12:19Speaker 00

  Which was fascinating to be like, world is bastardizing men, which I had a lot of my own stories. And yet I'm witnessing this entirely different side of them. So it was a real mindfuck for me.

• 1:12:29Rayna Greenberg?

  But could you feel men being a hyper aware of not wanting to come off creepy?

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  I would say that in general, because of just what we were doing, there was like, there was only one guy that was super creepy.

• 1:12:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Really?

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  One dude, and he only had one session and he never came back. He literally leaned up on his elbows the whole time and he's like, you're doing a really good job, like watching me. And I was like.

• 1:12:50Rayna Greenberg?

  But he shouldn't be allowed to come back.

• 1:12:52Speaker 00

  No, he wasn't.

• 1:12:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you ever fire anybody?

• 1:12:54Speaker 00

  No, he wasn't allowed to come back. I had moments where I wanted to. It was very rare. I, I will say.

• 1:13:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:13:00Speaker 00

  Out of the forehead, I had maybe two people where I was like, I don't really like working with this guy, but it's, it's just because he's weird, but it's not like I feel. They were all so humbled by what was going on. There was no way. So it was, again, it was another like way for me to be able to be in this situation with men. Where they didn't have an out to be an asshole. They were, I was like, oh, yeah, your dick is broken in my, what are, like, what are you gonna do? You know what I mean? So it was such a rare moment for me as a woman to be in that situation and learn what I did.

• 1:13:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Wow.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:29Rayna Greenberg?

  And then for the most part, did this really work? I mean, did you have guys coming back in? Last session and they're so happy and they're working and things are.

• 1:13:37Speaker 00

  Oh, I got like cards from wives, flowers, like I met girlfriends that I was not like I've had, I had a couple of women watch sessions. I was like, this is, I'm literally working on your partner's penis while you, this is not how I imagined my threesome. Like, you know what I mean? So, yeah, like it was, it was like changing their lives. It was crazy. So I would say the majority of people all, it worked.

• 1:13:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:13:59Speaker 00

  It did something for them, you know? It was only people who had like severe health conditions with most of those guys, we didn't even take them as clients because we don't want to waste their money. Which wasn't fair. But yeah, it really did work. It was incredible.

• 1:14:10Rayna Greenberg?

  You wrote this thing, I want to unpack this like thought starter with you. You said, I learned that men could hurt the same way that we do. And women can hurt men with the same precision. And I think that we just forget sometimes that like men can go through the same stuff that women can go through and they can hurt the way that we can. But I was hoping you could like maybe speak on that a little bit and maybe even like related to like Jack and Veronica.

• 1:14:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, no, I'll bring that up. So I, you know, growing up with a complicated alcoholic, verbally abusive father. I'm just going to throw that all out there in one sentence. Taught me men weren't safe in general. Like I did not have a good first impression. So I either dated men just like him, like assholes, jerks, abusive men. Or I went for like the guy who was like the beta doormat guy who was like, I was like, oh, I feel in control of this. He's never going to hurt me. This is good. And those are the two opinions I had of men. I was like, benefit in two categories. That was it. I was very black and white. I get into this job, I had this client, Jack, comes in all peacocking, totally like, my wife and I have an open relationship. Like, you know, and I was like, am I supposed to be turned on by that? Like, I didn't know what he was like. I was like, are you trying to pull me into this? Cause I'm not into this.

• 1:15:12Speaker 00

  And I call him Jack and then turns out a couple of sessions later, he admits to me that his wife's actually just having an affair with a man that, and he's not doing anything. And he's calling it an open relationship to make himself feel better, but it's really just like this affair. And I'm like, well, aren't you supposed to be dating too? If you're, and he's like, I've never hooked up with anybody. And I'm like. Now it all makes sense. Why he was peacocking, why he had to cover. And then I just saw the broken boy. I saw the broken man on my table, right? And so it was, it was so weird for me. And then she came in, right? He was gonna stop sessions and go work. I connected him to a sex therapist. He was gonna go work on his marriage. She ends up coming in with him one session and was like gonna get a treatment of her own and wanted to, he wanted her to be in the room with him. They had like repaired things. And so she's in the room.

• 1:15:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is that allowed? You can bring a guest?

• 1:15:55Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 1:15:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Your wife, I guess.

• 1:15:57Speaker 00

  I mean, apparently we were rewriting the rules every day. There was no pamphlet.

• 1:16:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's no HR department.

• 1:16:04Speaker 00

  There was no HR department. There was no HIPAA. Like, we didn't know what we were doing. So she was like.

• 1:16:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bring an actress. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm like, you gotta come to this. Get me on Instagram stories. Let's go live.

• 1:16:17Speaker 00

  Like, oh my god, hashtag.

• 1:16:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's like, do you have the right angle? Get it up.

• 1:16:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's right. It was so insane.

• 1:16:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're being shocked.

• 1:16:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. Shock him back to life. So she's in there and she's literally on her phone the whole time, not even looking up. And he's like, babe, babe, see, like, this is Christina. Like, it's so cool. I'm so happy you're meeting her. See, I told you, babe, babe. Like, this poor guy. He's like clearly looking for attention. She's not giving it to him at all. She could give a fuck about him. I could just see it. She was, I'm like, wherever she is, is not here.

• 1:16:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:16:43Speaker 00

  Right? And then it was like her turn. And so like, that was the first time where I was like, oh my god, women can be villains, just like men. Like, they can hurt. Like, he was clearly hurting. And it broke my heart and it made me see my parents in a very different way. And the lack of attention my mom was giving my dad. And now he was trying to like, be like, hey, look at me, look at me. You know, and we're just, and so it flipped the script for me. And I started going like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on. Like, guys are just little boys. They're trying to just get their, right? Get attention the way we are. They just do it in different ways. And it really changed the way I see men completely after that. And there were so many examples like that through the clinic that I saw. It was crazy.

• 1:17:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, we can sympathize and empathize with men all day. Broken men typically cause harm to the world, to women, to their children, to whatever they do. I'm not gonna get too bleak with it. So that's the issue I have. And so, of course, but we need them to work. On it. So they stop causing so much harm. Like that's where I think women have a lot of this lack of sympathy because it's like

• 1:17:44Speaker 00

  It's about time.

• 1:17:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Women with their shoes don't

• 1:17:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:17:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause harm the way that men do.

• 1:17:47Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:17:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I still like, it's an important discussion to have. We can't just completely invalidate their experiences.

• 1:17:54Speaker 00

  Exactly. And I think, and this is like a bold swing for me to say, but I do think there's still like a responsibility on us to make them feel safe to be able to do that. Right? We can't be so like anti-men and so against them that they're like, yeah, go heal in solidarity. Like go figure it out by yourselves. Like, we still have to be like, if you do, we're here, right? We're not abandoning you just because we're so, we have a generational, like multi-generational anger issue with them. And I, because I get it, I come from that. But now I'm like, now I'm starting to see this from a different light. I'm like, okay, now what is my responsibility as a woman, knowing this truth that I've discovered? Knowing this information? How do I participate in their healing? Rather than just being like, well, we'll be here when you're ready. Right?

• 1:18:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:18:36Speaker 00

  It's an interesting take.

• 1:18:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And you did a lot of good in the world. You know, like, I think that's

• 1:18:43Speaker 00

  Helping people have sex again since 2018.

• 1:18:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, that's the way you write about it. I mean, I really initially was like, is this going to be like really a male apology? Like, and it's just not, you don't write about it like that. You just are like, they have the same experiences as us.

• 1:18:56Speaker 00

  It's a messy middle.

• 1:18:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  To Ashley's point, you know, a lot of that manifests in a way that like people become like your father. And that harms the other people in their life. But I think the way you talk about it isn't like, we should feel bad for them. It's just like, these stories exist. And there's hope and they can, most hopefully of them can be rehabilitated if they want to be.

• 1:19:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  So what happened with Jack and Veronica? Or read the book, you guys.

• 1:19:18Speaker 00

  So, well, read the book. I did treat her and I really wanted to like not treat her and just, I was like so angry with her because I felt protective of him. I had seen the little boy, I had seen the hurting and in our private sessions. And now I'm like witnessing the woman, but I'm like, it made me really go, there's two truths. There's, there's multiple truths. I don't know her story. I don't know her experience with him at home.

• 1:19:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you don't know how he's treated her to push her to a point?

• 1:19:41Speaker 00

  All of that, right? So it's sort of, it just opened my eyes that it's like, there's no way that I can only be all for women all the time. Like, it's, it's Situational, there's nuance, right? There has to be nuance these days. We have to bring that back into the conversation. So it just, that was like the first time that I was like, can I hold two truths and live in a messy middle? It's like the only way we can really function.

• 1:20:02Rayna Greenberg?

  It's, you're right. There's context and nuance to everything. And I had this, I, I had a friend who would shop this story around a lot that her ex ghosted her. And she would just really like gas everybody up about how terrible he was. And he, can you believe this? He woke up one morning and just fucking left me. The truth of the story, the man, they were in therapy. He was in individual therapy. I know he tried to work on this and talk to her about this. Half a dozen times. And when the information wouldn't get through, then yes, one day he woke up and said, I'm leaving. But there's so much nuance and context to that. And it paints him in this horrible light, but it's not the truth of the story.

• 1:20:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that, that truth exists too, with other relationships. And do just wake up with no warning and do that shit. You know, when the women are the victim.

• 1:20:42Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 1:20:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yeah, let's maybe wrap up with your relationship at the time.

• 1:20:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I think a lot of people, this probably, I mean, it's the same question Ashley and I get when people are like, what do your partners feel about you guys being comedians? Like, so I'm sure you get this question a lot, but you were in a relationship, a long time relationship. What did he think about it? What was that relationship like?

• 1:21:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. So that was, it was a very long relationship we were in. It was a total of seven years. We were all together before the job. He was very supportive of me. Like he was very secure in a lot of ways. Like he was, thankfully, we were talking about earlier, like he was a very secure guy. But we weren't having sex. So I was in a sexless relationship while I'm talking about dick fixing, sex positivity, trying to get people to have sex again. And I'm having no sex in my, my life.

• 1:21:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just for any specific reason or?

• 1:21:28Speaker 00

  Well, see, I didn't know. It had nothing, you would be like, oh, did he have ED? And it's like, no, he just. I, I examined this thoroughly in the book because I don't know exactly what started this, but this had already been going on for a while. And I'd be like, are you gay? Like, am I, am I just not attractive anymore? Like I went through the gamut because sex has always been very important to me. Number one, like, I'm like, it's how I communicate and have fun. Like this is like, where, how are we not going to have this in a long-term relationship? And for him, I think what I witnessed is a man who was a Boy coming into his manhood. We were in our early thirties, but like he, the stresses of life got to him so bad. The responsibility of like paying bills and like, oh my God, I'm in a relationship and we have dogs and one of them has epilepsy and like,

• 1:22:11Speaker 00

  oh, and it's just like, I think it put him so in his head that he couldn't connect to his body. Like he's the kind of guy that would not have a stress outlet would not be sex. That's my stress outlet. We were di- different, right? In that regard. And so I was just watching this and like, but it hurt me. Like it was like something was wrong with me and it made me feel like such a hypocrite at work all the time because I'm like, you had sex, I'm so happy for you. Fuck. You know what I mean? So we went through a lot of different things to try to fix this therapy. We did, you know, getting him on hormones, like maybe his testosterone's low. We tried to do-

• 1:22:43Rayna Greenberg?

  We were talking about it. It wasn't just like a fit in the room. Okay?

• 1:22:46Speaker 00

  I was like,

• 1:22:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:22:47Speaker 00

  I did, I did every version of like thing you could do to try to fix this and it just-

• 1:22:51Rayna Greenberg?

  But he wouldn't give you a straight up answer.

• 1:22:53Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:22:53Rayna Greenberg?

  And maybe he didn't have one?

• 1:22:54Speaker 00

  I don't think he knew. I truly believe that he didn't know. I think ultimately he didn't know this at the time and I didn't know this time. I think he felt severely emasculated by me.

• 1:23:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure.

• 1:23:04Speaker 00

  I was making so much money. He was not. I was have this crazy purpose in this. I was like, had a big acting job and this career and this. And I think he just felt like he couldn't measure up. And I think it just stunted his ability to feel like he was worthy of me. And I, he was like my safe beta male guy. Like he was like such a sweet guy when we met. And like, he didn't even have sex with me for like the first like three dates. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing? You know, like I was like, take your clothes off. I'm done with this shit.

• 1:23:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:31Speaker 00

  You know, and so if I didn't look at that and pay attention from the beginning, he was always this guy.

• 1:23:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Which like you said, you had a type, one of two types.

• 1:23:39Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:23:39Rayna Greenberg?

  And did you guys have sex in the beginning and it kind of petered off?

• 1:23:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, like the first year, but he was also like, he was getting out of grad school. Like the world was like in front of, right? It was like, everything was possible. There was no responsibilities. Like it was just, we, there was a lot of freedom and so it was easy.

• 1:23:53Rayna Greenberg?

  And a newer relationship?

• 1:23:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:23:54Rayna Greenberg?

  With like spontaneous desire?

• 1:23:55Speaker 00

  Exactly. Yep. And real life started sinking in and it just, that went away. And I was like, wait, what? Like I didn't sign up for this, you know, but you're integrated in your life. And it, and it happened so slowly and gradually that it isn't like, you, you're trying to hold on to like, wait, remember when we were just those people like?

• 1:24:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. Like we could get it back.

• 1:24:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Like was your self-talk at that time? Like, I can live without this.

• 1:24:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:24:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:24:19Speaker 00

  Could not, no.

• 1:24:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Was it like, I found a nice person, like I should try it harder? I mean, you stayed for a long time.

• 1:24:24Speaker 00

  I did, I did. And I, I, I think I was scared, right? We had so much good and, and a lot of times for me is like, if there's a clear reason to leave somebody, you're like, oh, this is easy. When there's, when there's not something that you can just go, I'm leaving because they cheated. I'm leaving because da, da, da. I think I was confused in my own development of like, he's a good person, but it doesn't mean he's right for me. And I didn't have that awareness yet. I was like, oh, I'm the bad guy if I leave because there's so much that is working in the day to day life. Yes. And he was so kind and he was such a supporter. He was like my little puppy dog. He was like my fan, like, and I was like, oh, but I was like, wait, I didn't, I didn't actually want that. I wanted like the man who's gonna throw me against the wall and fuck my brains out, but then also cuddle with me afterward. Like, that's what I wanted.

• 1:25:06Rayna Greenberg?

  But it's hard. You're in those relationships and you're like, this is a nice person. And I see all this bad behavior around me and my friends' relationships.

• 1:25:12Speaker 00

  That's right. And I have it so I should be lucky.

• 1:25:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:14Speaker 00

  We'll figure out how to fix this. And then it just kept not getting fixed.

• 1:25:18Rayna Greenberg?

  So now,

• 1:25:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:20Rayna Greenberg?

  your husband, from what we've heard so far, masculine guy.

• 1:25:24Speaker 00

  He is a ma-

• 1:25:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, is he a complete departure?

• 1:25:27Speaker 00

  No, I think he's a blend. He's like the hybrid of like, all of the versions, like the, the two extremes. Like, he's like the badass army ranger who has been trained, you know, kill people. And

• 1:25:37Rayna Greenberg?

  That's so hot.

• 1:25:37Speaker 00

  So I feel protected. It's so hot, right? I'm like, she gets it. Yeah. I'm like, so you know, you're like, oh, I'm always gonna be safe, you know?

• 1:25:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Show me a little harder, yeah.

• 1:25:44Speaker 00

  But he's also a sweet guy and he's also just come out of the military. So we're dealing with all of those transitions and him coming into civilian life.

• 1:25:52Rayna Greenberg?

  For good?

• 1:25:53Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah. He retired. Like, it's almost 24 years. He's like, I'm out. And that's been hard. And so it's a whole other layer of like, our relationship being like, where it's like, now he's coming into his vulnerability and his like, identity crisis. And so a lot of the tools that I learned over the years, doing the things that I did in writing this book, I'm applying now to my relationship. I'm like, I learned how to forgive my dad, knowing my dad had shame that I didn't know he had, seeing these men in shame. And I'm like, if a man is hurting me because of his own suffering, I don't learn how to have grace for that. I didn't learn anything from this book.

• 1:26:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:26:25Speaker 00

  Does that make sense? So like, that's kind of where- We're in kind of a current like crisis stage of like trying to have him figure out who he is again. And it's hard.

• 1:26:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:33Speaker 00

  It's really complicated.

• 1:26:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't imagine that. I can't imagine two decades plus.

• 1:26:37Speaker 00

  His entire identity since he was eighteen.

• 1:26:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's your identity. It's a real loss of identity.

• 1:26:40Speaker 00

  That's a whole other book.

• 1:26:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and I think that like impacts men and I've seen this with my dad and with his health and whatnot, like men losing their identity. Cause I think women are so, we're able to discover new things and pick up new hobbies and friends. New purpose, exactly. We pivot easier, I think, and can mourn a loss of identity and find the next thing. I think men struggle with that a little bit.

• 1:27:03Speaker 00

  They do. They really do. I'm watching it happen.

• 1:27:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, stay tuned for the next book, you guys.

• 1:27:07Speaker 00

  I know, yeah.

• 1:27:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I have to gas you up even. Just, this book is fantastic. People will love it. I cannot recommend it enough. It comes out on June 30th. So you can preorder it now on Amazon or anywhere that you get books, right? It's just fantastic. You don't know dick. I mean, congrats, really touching, such a like different, interesting project.

• 1:27:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly. And there's, there's just a lot of the same out there. And so something that really feels unique and different and the perspective and it's an emotional ride too. The humor is really beautiful, so.

• 1:27:35Speaker 00

  Thank you so much. I'm so grateful.

• 1:27:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Tell people anywhere else they can find you.

• 1:27:39Speaker 00

  My Instagram's Christina Seven Denton with a K, by the way, with a K. And yeah, I'm putting all my book stuff, tour information, things like that up there, so.

• 1:27:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, great. Like a little Linktree vibe.

• 1:27:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, all the things. Exactly.

• 1:27:52Rayna Greenberg?

  We love a Linktree.

• 1:27:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Links in bio.

• 1:27:54Speaker 00

  There it is.

• 1:27:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we are girls gotta eat dot com, girls gotta eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hesse on Instagram and TikTok. Raina is Raina dot Greenberg. Rayna Greenberg dot com for her tour tickets in the fall. And you could watch full video. We recommend it for this one. It's really wonderful. On Spotify or YouTube. Share this episode with a friend or a man in need and we will see you Thursday.

• 1:28:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a great week, guys.