Kevin Nealon - Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Kevin Nealon joins Mark and Sam for a legendary comedy hang covering classic SNL stories, Norm Macdonald gambling tales, Adam Sandler memories, Garry Shandling wisdom, and behind-the-scenes stories from comedy history. They get into Steven Seagal disasters, private flights with John Travolta, basketball games with Hollywood stars, weird celebrity dating rankings, and Kevin's new special. Sponsored by: Fabletics Shop now at https://fabletics.com/wmbd to get 70-80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Ultra Pouches Don't sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code WMBD at https://takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #ad Mars Men For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at https://Mengotomars.com Shopify Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Kevin Nealon: https://www.kevinnealon.com/ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com #WeMightBeDrunk #KevinNealon #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  Guys, I might be crying sometimes. It's just so you know.

• 0:09Sam Morril?

  That's a perfect opening. This could be a dramatic episode of We Might Be Drunk.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:14Sam Morril?

  With Kevin Nealon.

• 0:15Mark Normand?

  We bear it all.

• 0:17Sam Morril?

  Dude, good to see you.

• 0:19Speaker 00

  Do you ever have anybody at a... You go up to a bartender and say, "Dude, you over-served me." Like, the weakest kind of like excuse for being drunk and out of control. "The bartender over-served me." Do you know what I mean?

• 0:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:32Sam Morril?

  I've never heard that.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  You can't do that to a waiter, you know, like, "Hey dude, you over-served me, man, I gained like two pounds." What are you gonna do about it?

• 0:39Sam Morril?

  I have a... People complain when the drink is too stiff.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:43Sam Morril?

  That's like when the bartender's like, "I'm hooking you up," and you're like, "The drink tastes like shit."

• 0:47Speaker 00

  That's me, man. When I bartended, I used to bartend at the Improv.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 0:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, for two years. Uh, 1980.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I used to see everybody come in, the Robin Williams, Andy Kaufman.

• 0:57Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 0:57Speaker 00

  But I didn't ever bartended before. But I befriended the, uh, the regular bartender. He goes, "Hey, you wanna work?" I said, "Yeah, but I never bartended." So I got one of those Boston bartender guides, and I kept it under the, uh, bar. I thought the more alcohol you put in it, like the college mentality, people would love it.

• 1:14Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  But a lot of times they'd come back, "Hey, can you give me another glass, like, full of, like, soda water?" This is a regular drink.

• 1:21Sam Morril?

  They're mixing the drink.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  Who was the biggest drunk back then?

• 1:26Speaker 00

  Mmmmm. You know, it really wasn't obvious, but there were some people in there that come in. I mean, you know, so many people would come in. Timothy Leary would come in.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, and, uh, Roy Scheider would come in.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:41Speaker 00

  With, uh, Bob Fosse.

• 1:43Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I saw everybody in there. Robin Williams would come from Filmon Mark and Mindy with his suspenders on and...

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  You made Roy Scheider drink?

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:52Sam Morril?

  What did he drink?

• 1:54Speaker 00

  Scotch and sodas. It's funny how bartenders remember exactly what people drink. Richard Lewis would come in, he would get a white wine. And he'd always leave me a $2 tip.

• 2:04Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  Back in the day, it's a good tip.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  That was a good tip, yeah. I was always embarrassed at how much the drinks cost. Like, for a beer, it was like $2.75. And when somebody ordered a beer, I'd give it to them, I'd go, "I'm sorry, it's $2.75."

• 2:19Mark Normand?

  I'd kill for a 275 beer.

• 2:21Sam Morril?

  Richard Lewis, he put him back, right?

• 2:23Speaker 00

  Oh, my God. He was so great, man. He loved, you know, he, he won, he, um, became sober after a while, but he would kill in that room, man.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  He was like an expat New Yorker. He had all, the whole audience was expat New Yorkers. And it just had this energy and this buzz. You know, Richard Lewis would get on and just crush it. Andy Kaufman, Jay Leno. I mean, that room, you could feel it pulsing, you know? It was just so crazy. And I would watch sometimes from the people upstairs from the office, Bud Freeman's office, I could see down there, because it couldn't go in the room, it was too packed.

• 2:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  And, uh, it was just such a great experience for me, because I got to like, to talk to comics that were, you know, established. One time Andy Kaufman was outside, and I knew he was into TM, right? So I, I was so scared to talk to him, because, you know, I'm such a fan of his. And I go, hey, Andy, what, can you tell me a little about TM?

• 3:20Speaker 00

  For a half hour, he talked about TM, rarely looking at me, just looking at the traffic out of Melrose going by. And I'm, all I'm doing is looking at the moles on his face.

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  He did have some crazy cheek moles.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, he did.

• 3:34Sam Morril?

  How about Pryor? Did he ever come in?

• 3:35Speaker 00

  Richard Pryor never came in, um, that I remember at the Comedy Store, I mean, at the Improv, but he would come up here at the Comedy Store and play a lot. I saw him here once.

• 3:45Sam Morril?

  How was that?

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Oh, it was great, man. But he would start off with, he wouldn't have anything, you know, he would just develop it. And you come back like three weeks later, and he's got this whole hunk, you know, whole act.

• 3:55Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  What he was doing. So, yeah, that was the cool thing. That was, I was so lucky to be in that part. And back then, there was only like 50 comics.

• 4:03Mark Normand?

  I know. Isn't that crazy?

• 4:05Speaker 00

  And then I go off to do SNL, I come back, I never stopped doing stand-up, but all of a sudden, it's not just Italians, Jews, Irish guys, blacks, it's like Pakistanis, you know?

• 4:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  Every nationality you could think of. And, uh,

• 4:20Speaker 00

  And you know, everybody's funny now.

• 4:22Mark Normand?

  It's crazy. I don't know about that. That's a stretch. But now there's 50 comics on the lineup at the store. It's crazy.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  But I knew everybody's act. You would know everybody's act because you knew every comic.

• 4:33Sam Morril?

  But that's also a bad thing.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  It is.

• 4:35Sam Morril?

  That you're like, these guys aren't writing enough, you know?

• 4:37Speaker 00

  I would see Jerry Seinfeld, same thing, you know, like a lot of us, over and over. And I knew exactly where people swallowed before they took the punchline or they.

• 4:45Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 4:46Speaker 00

  You know, indigestion, take indigestion thing before the punchline.

• 4:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  I mean, you know, you know exactly what they're gonna do.

• 4:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he has all these things where he says, if I move my hand this way, I get a bigger laugh than if I move it that way. Like, he's so dialed in with that shit.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  So it was a great experience to be back then. It was a good ride.

• 5:05Sam Morril?

  How long were you in New York for?

• 5:07Speaker 00

  Nine years.

• 5:08Sam Morril?

  And you were on SNL for nine years?

• 5:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:10Sam Morril?

  That's gotta be one of the longest, right?

• 5:12Speaker 00

  It was at the time, but now, you know, you have guys there like Daryl Hamill was there a long time. I think, um, what's his name?

• 5:20Mark Normand?

  Tim Meadows, Keenan?

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Keenan.

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  He's still there.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  Been there for 40 years. He was there before the show started. He was hanging out at 30 Rock.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  Well, you had the, it was Dennis Miller, you, Norm.

• 5:31Sam Morril?

  That's a crazy.

• 5:32Mark Normand?

  What a run.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  It was great. It was great.

• 5:35Sam Morril?

  How long were you week in, update?

• 5:36Speaker 00

  I was, uh, week in, update for three years. And, um, and it was an interesting job because before that I was just doing sketches and characters, which I had to learn to do because I was a stand-up. So I did those for, um, five years and then Lauren put me at week in update and.

• 5:52Sam Morril?

  How did that happen?

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Just he wanted me up there. And Dennis left. I don't know why he left. I guess he just. But, you know, a lot of people, uh, would leave and I, I kinda got pushed out of week in update.

• 6:04Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 6:05Speaker 00

  As I look back at them, I think, yeah, I get it. I get it. No, but it was, it was, um, there was a lot of politics going on and Don Olmeyer, Don Olmeyer was like the head of NBC in that department. And so he would push things. He got rid of Norm.

• 6:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Speaker 00

  He got rid of me because he said I was too mush-mouthed.

• 6:22Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  And then, um.

• 6:24Sam Morril?

  Did you make jokes at his expense or?

• 6:26Speaker 00

  No, no, I never did OJ jokes or anything, but, um, and I think, um, Sandler and Farley got fired that same year that I did.

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Gee, this guy's real stiff, huh?

• 6:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:36Sam Morril?

  He's dead?

• 6:37Mark Normand?

  Hopefully.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  Omar.

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  He must be dead at this point, right?

• 6:40Mark Normand?

  God willing.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  He's dead.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  Alright, good. He's horrible tasting comedy, this guy.

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I remember hearing in that Letterman Norman interview, and uh...

• 6:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, those were great.

• 6:50Sam Morril?

  Those are classic, but man, uh, no, you were a great Weekend Update guy, man, and you wrote, and you wrote your own stuff.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  I had to write a lot of stuff. Um, nobody liked writing for Weekend Update, because it wasn't a glorifying, you know, position, because nobody would stand around on Monday, go, "Oh, man, did you hear that joke about Clinton?" Or whoever it was, at the time, Roosevelt.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  So, um, you know, so, um, I had to write a lot of my own stuff, and you couldn't write during the week, because all the late night talk show hosts were doing that stuff, they were covering that. So, Saturday morning, I'd get up really early and get like all the newspapers and, um, AP photos, because there was no Google back then. Again, this is the 1900s.

• 7:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  And, um, and so, um, so then, uh, Lauren would put out a buffet on the 17th floor of the Writers' Wing, to try to entice writers to come and put newspapers out, so they could have breakfast and read the paper. And some of the new writers came up, they weren't that good. Al Franken would come, because he was a political, um, pundit, and, um, and Norm MacDonald would come, just to have breakfast and read the paper.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  And contribute anything.

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  It's like a trap, a rabbit trap, where they pull a string.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  So then, you know, so I worked with a segment producer, um, who was from the original years, that Lauren knew, and he hired him and kept him on, because he's very loyal, but he was kind of out of it. You know, and, and, uh, we'd go through the AP photos, and, um...

• 8:14Sam Morril?

  So you wrote this in a day, basically?

• 8:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:16Sam Morril?

  That's insane.

• 8:17Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 8:17Sam Morril?

  How many minutes of jokes?

• 8:18Speaker 00

  I mean, you'd have a couple of pocket jokes that weren't, like, didn't do, deal with, uh, uh, anything. Um, there was about 20 jokes.

• 8:25Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 8:26Mark Normand?

  That's insane.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can't believe I'm even talking about this now. It's like, it never happened, you know, it's like...

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  What drugs were you on that were helping you with this?

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Uh, Advil.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  Nothing?

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  Hello?

• 8:37Speaker 00

  No, I don't do drugs. I never did drugs.

• 8:39Sam Morril?

  Ton of coffee?

• 8:40Mark Normand?

  Speaking of which, I brought you an aspirin.

• 8:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 8:42Mark Normand?

  Just for the week, yeah.

• 8:43Sam Morril?

  Alright, thank you.

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  I know, it's gonna get crazy out here.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  It's a federal crime, which has happened there.

• 8:46Mark Normand?

  What?

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Uh, you can't give other people...

• 8:48Speaker 00

  Alright, narc, why don't you fuck off?

• 8:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, narc Mormon over here.

• 8:52Sam Morril?

  So, so you were just 20 in a day? That's crazy.

• 8:56Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  You know how hard it is to write a good topical joke?

• 8:58Speaker 00

  Oh, I know.

• 8:59Mark Normand?

  And this is for national television?

• 9:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 00

  How can you do that without being mush mouth?

• 9:05Sam Morril?

  I don't even know what mush mouth means.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  It's just that you swallow your words a little bit, so you can't understand you.

• 9:09Mark Normand?

  Now that you say it, I can see it.

• 9:11Speaker 00

  So, so I was working with that segment producer, who was an older guy. And we would go through the photos and he'd deal with the joke. He'd do a joke and I go, I don't know about that one. He goes, have you seen the picture? That's when I knew it was his joke.

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  Have you seen the picture? Um, so, um, and then, you know, I tell him which ones not to use. Like after the dress rehearsal, I said, let's get rid of this, let's get rid of that.

• 9:33Sam Morril?

  How many people are in there when you're running the jokes?

• 9:35Speaker 00

  Just me and him.

• 9:36Sam Morril?

  But so you're not even testing on real laughs?

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Oh, no, no, you're, you're the re- the rehearsal. The first show is rehearsal, you test the jokes then.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  And how, but how many people, I mean?

• 9:44Speaker 00

  It's a full audience.

• 9:45Sam Morril?

  Oh, all right.

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, that helps.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  You idiot.

• 9:51Sam Morril?

  We've been on SNL, we don't know.

• 9:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 00

  So, uh,

• 9:55Speaker 00

  I look at you like you're crazy.

• 9:56Sam Morril?

  You fucking dog.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  So, uh, yeah, so, so then after they dress, I go back to meet with him again. And we go through the pack. And I'd say, let's get rid of that, let's get rid of that one, let's get rid of that one. He goes, yeah, like this one is a good one, have you seen the picture?

• 10:13Speaker 00

  And so, so I go back to after, I've told him which ones I want to get rid of. So I do the weekend update and I jump off and I start doing sketches and characters, you know? And the next morning I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking, wait a minute, I don't even get rid of that joke. He kept it in there. Cause it was his probably.

• 10:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  And so I didn't really have a lot of control because I was doing so much stuff. I couldn't like focus on that.

• 10:37Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  Right? So, um, but it was fun, it was, um, it was exciting.

• 10:42Mark Normand?

  Now, the subliminal bit, was that a stand-up bit first?

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, that came from my stand-up, uh, bit. That, that was a guy named Ed Peck, this character actor, you know, from like the, the 50s and 60s, I met him at the improv. And so many like character actors I met there. And he would do a thing called tagging. And he had a very deep voice like that. And he would talk like that. Neil, come here for a minute, let me show you what I'm gonna do. And we go to Cantor's Telekatie. And, uh, he would do a tagging thing, yeah, there he is.

• 11:12Mark Normand?

  There's Pecky.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  That's Ed Peck, younger Ed Peck. And, uh, yeah, he was a good guy. He, he did a lot of those shows back then. So, so we go to Cantor's and he'd go, listen what I'm gonna do here. And he'd order and he'd go, hello, Mary, cause he knew the waitress. Mary, I think I'm gonna have a, um, uh, Hamburger with some french fries, whore. And I'll also have a.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  So that kind of blossomed from that. He goes, go ahead and use that.

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's fun. That was a hit.

• 11:44Speaker 00

  That was a hit. And then I kind of wrote it with Al Franken when we got there. Doing it to get things that you wanted.

• 11:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  I'd love to go see the Mets, you know, or I'd love to go out dinner with you. Your treat, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

• 11:58Mark Normand?

  Who's you gonna date, Anal?

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Now Franken, what do you think? We had a rough one with him.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  It was a rough, it was a tough episode. You talked to Franken?

• 12:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we had him on.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  Why was that tough? You both did the same thing. Why is anything tough? You just don't, you don't vibe really.

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, didn't like the humor.

• 12:18Speaker 00

  Didn't like our vibe, didn't, uh. Really? It's considered the worst episode of all time.

• 12:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  When was this? A few years.

• 12:24Mark Normand?

  A year and a half ago.

• 12:25Speaker 00

  Oh, he's changed a lot since. He's more like Tom Davis now.

• 12:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:31Mark Normand?

  He was a nice guy, piece of shit.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  But I do. Do his best bad episode. Yeah. No, there's so many different, you know, personalities on that show. Jim Downey was great.

• 12:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's a genius.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  Oh, my God, I love sitting down with him. He remembers everything. You know, he'll remember every, you know, show and how it came about, the sketch, and what pencil he was using at the time, you know?

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  I was using a number two pencil, but the racer was a little down. But, um.

• 13:01Mark Normand?

  Sounds like autism, maybe.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  But he's fun. He, he, I hope he's writing down everything about that show.

• 13:07Mark Normand?

  Is he still writing?

• 13:09Speaker 00

  I don't know if he's still writing, but he's always kind of musing about things and, um, I'll sit down to lunch with him and he'll just talk and talk and talk. And he was so busy in the show, because he was the head writer. Everybody's knocking on his door. Hey, Jim, can I, can I run this by you? And he's on the phone with other people.

• 13:26Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  It was often like he'd answer the door. He'd keep the door shut because everybody would be in there if he didn't. So he would, um, I'd knock on the door and I said, hey, Jim, can you, uh, can you take a look at this? He goes, yeah, yeah, walk with me, walk with me. And he's always walking with him because he had so many things he had to do. You know, you run the lines by him as you're walking. He goes, yeah, let me, let me, um, let me take a look at that later, you know? It's like trying to get your father to do something and he's busy.

• 13:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  See, you were there so long, there must have been, you've seen so many hosts. Who's the worst host ever?

• 13:57Mark Normand?

  Ooh. Good one.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  I would say Nancy Reagan.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa, she hosted. Oh, man.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  You guys are drunk, man.

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  I bought it.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  Be drunk, you are drunk.

• 14:09Mark Normand?

  Apparently she was a real hoover.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  A lot of people say Steven Seagal.

• 14:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, I heard he's a prick.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  You know.

• 14:15Sam Morril?

  Was he a prick as well?

• 14:17Speaker 00

  I didn't really hang out with him that much, but I do remember him standing like this in the hallway, like he was a bodyguard for nobody behind him.

• 14:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 00

  And then there was one sketch where he was supposed to throw these stuntmen into the breakaway walls. You know, it was like a western bar. And during the dress rehearsal, he did that, but during the live show, he would throw them into the studded part so it wouldn't break. And those guys, you know, they're really tough. They like to make like they're not hurt, but I know they were hurt and they'd get up and they'd walk off the, off the set. And I don't know if he did that on purpose, if he was just jacked up from the live show or what.

• 14:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 14:53Speaker 00

  But yeah, people, people claim that he was, in my period, that's what they claim.

• 14:58Mark Normand?

  I've heard he was tough to work with.

• 15:00Sam Morril?

  His movies, it's incredible because the action scenes are just not, it's not entertaining. It's like sound technique, I guess.

• 15:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Sam Morril?

  You just watch him do like this and you're like, yeah, that's not like good cinema.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  He's talking like this like he's some kind of a karate guru.

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. He apparently made up his own martial art, I think. I forgot, give that a goog. I'm pretty sure he invented.

• 15:20Sam Morril?

  Seen the new one where he's just fat? There's a new movie where he's fat and it's a clear stuntman.

• 15:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  But also, he's a CIA agent, too.

• 15:29Mark Normand?

  What?

• 15:30Speaker 00

  He claims.

• 15:31Mark Normand?

  Wow, he is pretty fat. Jesus.

• 15:34Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 15:35Mark Normand?

  I thought that was DJ Khalid.

• 15:36Sam Morril?

  What the hell?

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 15:38Sam Morril?

  Jeez.

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  But see if he made up his own art form or martial art.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  Are you sure that's not like?

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  Why is he next to Charlize Theron in that picture? That is the weirdest pairing of all time.

• 15:48Mark Normand?

  He said he calls her out.

• 15:50Sam Morril?

  Calls her out.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Uh oh.

• 15:54Sam Morril?

  Overweight. Charlize Theron says overweight Steven Seagal can barely fight and he's not very nice to women.

• 16:01Mark Normand?

  Man. Look at that.

• 16:04Sam Morril?

  Well, whoever wrote this definitely likes her better than him because look at those headshots right there.

• 16:08Mark Normand?

  And I think Starros is gonna play him in the movie.

• 16:12Sam Morril?

  That is a fucking, that is a, he looks like a bloated fish in that one.

• 16:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  I watched Under Siege not too long ago.

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, Eric Oleniak.

• 16:22Sam Morril?

  It's kind of a fun piece of shit.

• 16:24Mark Normand?

  I loved it.

• 16:25Sam Morril?

  It's a, it's not great, but it's fun as hell.

• 16:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot of those movies that, you know, you would take seriously back then, it's just bad movies now that you like watching.

• 16:33Mark Normand?

  Like Point Break.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Point Break's a good movie.

• 16:36Mark Normand?

  I don't know about that.

• 16:37Sam Morril?

  It's fun as hell, dude.

• 16:38Mark Normand?

  Well, my friend pointed out that he's a cop who is, he sounds like a surfer. He already sounds like a surfer, but he's from the East Coast.

• 16:47Sam Morril?

  He's from Ohio.

• 16:48Mark Normand?

  He's from Ohio. And then they're like.

• 16:49Sam Morril?

  Guy who knows this movie too well. Johnny Utah. No, it's a fun movie.

• 16:54Mark Normand?

  I love, I loved the movie, but.

• 16:56Sam Morril?

  Gary Busey could fucking act.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  Can we get that movie on right now? Can we watch that movie?

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  Look at these hunks.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  I asked Patrick Swayze once if he worked out. He goes, no, I never work out.

• 17:06Mark Normand?

  No, you hate those guys.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  He must be dancing all the time.

• 17:11Sam Morril?

  Was he a cool dude?

• 17:12Speaker 00

  He was.

• 17:13Sam Morril?

  That, that was a classic sketch, him and.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  That was, yeah, Chippendales.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Chippendales or sketch. That was probably the hardest one I had from not laughing.

• 17:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  You know?

• 17:23Mark Normand?

  Now, uh, I hate to bring it up, but we're big fans of, uh, Shandling.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Shandling was great.

• 17:29Mark Normand?

  You guys were tight.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  Shandling was my mentor.

• 17:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 17:32Speaker 00

  He was one of the first comics I met out here.

• 17:33Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 17:34Speaker 00

  And I learned how to craft jokes with him and we'd be on the phone like, if I had like a gig somewhere, like a corporate gig, I'd call him. I'd say, Gary, I'm doing this thing for, uh, Microsoft or whatever. And the CEO is talking. I'm not sure what to say. And so he'd just, we'd be on the phone for like two hours, like coming up with Microsoft jokes or, you know, something about the CEO. And, um, and I would just like move on, you know, he, he had a good joke, you know, oh, that's great. Okay. Now what about this here? He goes, no, no, no, let's stick with this right here. Let's come up with some more, you know? I like to hit and run.

• 18:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  And he says, yeah, your hunks, you could have like hunks out of your jokes. You just don't milk them enough.

• 18:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's good. Cause the premise is the hard part.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  You come up with. So if you got a premise, you gotta.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  And if you have one good joke, you're gonna have more.

• 18:18Mark Normand?

  Right. Yeah. He, Norm always talked about, cause you know, Norm was such a great joke writer. And then he said, the Shandling joke that broke his brain was, uh, he had that old joke, uh, you know, I'm banging, um, banging Miss Georgia. Well, former Miss Georgia. Well, it was George Foreman.

• 18:35Mark Normand?

  That's a great joke, but Norm's like, how did you come up with that? Like, how did your brain figure that out?

• 18:39Speaker 00

  It's a silly brain, man. It's like, one of his other jokes I love that he did was, uh, you know, sometimes, uh, I'll shave one of my legs so it feels like I'm sleeping with a woman.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  Or he goes, you know, I can't afford a private jet, but I could afford to pay everybody else to get off of my commercial jet.

• 18:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he had the small one after all.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was, he was a good guy, man.

• 19:02Sam Morril?

  You told me you were on a private jet with Travolta once.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  I was, yeah.

• 19:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was a sex.

• 19:07Speaker 00

  I've flown in a lot of private jets with different people.

• 19:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  You know, that I think, what am I doing here? And we flew with Sandler on that jet. You had a kind of a fear of flying, didn't you?

• 19:16Sam Morril?

  No.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Oh, that was Joe, that was Joe Vessi. Yeah, yeah.

• 19:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I could see that.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. You had a fear of other things, though, right?

• 19:22Sam Morril?

  Intimacy.

• 19:24Mark Normand?

  Commitment.

• 19:26Sam Morril?

  Every other fear I have.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:28Mark Normand?

  Nazis.

• 19:29Sam Morril?

  But you and Travolta, and he's the pilot, isn't he?

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, he was.

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  Is that not, is that not crazy?

• 19:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was pretty crazy.

• 19:35Sam Morril?

  Are you, are you nervous at all that you're like, does this guy know how to fly?

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Well, you know what? He's got such a flying record. He's probably got more experience than any airline, you know, commercial airline pilot.

• 19:43Mark Normand?

  Wow, I didn't know that.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Really, it's just passion. Yeah, he's really good at it.

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  Harrison Ford, too, I believe.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  You, uh, how, I was just thinking Howard Hughes was a big pilot.

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  He landed a, a plane on purpose at the Bel Air Country Club on one of the fairways. But Harrison Ford crashed it.

• 20:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 20:01Speaker 00

  Until a small, three par golf course.

• 20:03Mark Normand?

  Right, I remember that.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:06Sam Morril?

  I didn't know that.

• 20:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, that was big news.

• 20:07Speaker 00

  Which is a little more, you know, talented if you could land on a three par golf course. It's a smaller.

• 20:14Sam Morril?

  Tiger Woods can't even drive a car.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  But, yeah, so I don't mind flying, you know? My wife has a fear of flying and she'll, if the slightest amount of turbulence, she'll grabs my hand.

• 20:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  And hyperventilating.

• 20:28Sam Morril?

  Tough.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  And like, you know, we fly a lot.

• 20:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 00

  So it's like the plane could be upside down and we'd still be reading, you know?

• 20:34Mark Normand?

  I know, same.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Cause you give up after a while. You say, I can't, I fly too much, man. I can't be fighting it like this all the time.

• 20:41Mark Normand?

  No.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  Surrender.

• 20:42Sam Morril?

  You just go numb.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:44Sam Morril?

  You're just like, eh.

• 20:45Mark Normand?

  Just sleep.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  And what's the worst that can happen?

• 20:50Mark Normand?

  9/11.

• 20:52Mark Normand?

  Sully.

• 20:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, that one they worked out.

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  That one worked out.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  She ever, do you write down?

• 20:57Sam Morril?

  You'd still be annoyed. If you were on the Sully flight, you'd still be annoyed to land in the water.

• 21:00Mark Normand?

  Of course, yeah.

• 21:01Sam Morril?

  You'd still be like, what do I take?

• 21:03Speaker 00

  Let us know. Let us know beforehand.

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Someone complained. You should have said something.

• 21:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  How many people called the airlines after that and said, hey, listen? I was on a flight, you know, Sully flight. Can I get like a little like?

• 21:16Mark Normand?

  Some miles?

• 21:17Sam Morril?

  How many miles do you think they got for that?

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, free flights for life.

• 21:20Sam Morril?

  No way. Look up how many miles those people got.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  At least lounge access.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  Sully flight. Would you fly again after then?

• 21:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta get home.

• 21:29Speaker 00

  A lot of them did. They got on another flight.

• 21:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I would.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  How about that plane that crashed in India? The big, you know, Airbus? One guy survived.

• 21:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  How do you?

• 21:39Sam Morril?

  You make a movie starring, starring Bruce Willis.

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  And can we talk to that guy? I'd like to get a word out of him.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  He claims he jumped out at the last minute.

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  How could he jump out at the last minute?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, their India guy claims he jumped out.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  No, there was a hole in the, in the plane and he walked out. He climbed out of there.

• 21:55Sam Morril?

  Whatever seat he picked, he's picking that seat for the rest of his life.

• 21:58Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 21:59Sam Morril?

  He's like, I'm 14F forever.

• 22:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'd like to get his perspective.

• 22:04Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  I'm 3B.

• 22:05Sam Morril?

  3B is good.

• 22:06Speaker 00

  It's got the extra leg room. First class.

• 22:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  Oh, my.

• 22:11Mark Normand?

  200 lives.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  That's horrible.

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  Look at this fiery explosion. It's like an atom bomb.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  And that guy survived it.

• 22:18Mark Normand?

  Ramish.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  Do you know his name, Mark?

• 22:22Mark Normand?

  Good luck. Visha Washakar.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Interesting that you're the only one that survived, huh?

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What's up with that?

• 22:31Sam Morril?

  The one cop.

• 22:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:32Sam Morril?

  Who's just like, tell me this.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  He was sitting near an emergency exit.

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  Maybe he did jump out.

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he had the door.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:41Sam Morril?

  You know, he didn't hold the door. He just looked out for himself. He lied about the oath.

• 22:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:50Speaker 00

  That best, best place to sit is over the wings though.

• 22:52Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah?

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Cause it's the least turbulent and they get the emergency exits there.

• 22:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  Do you know I've, I've taken, I've been learning how to tie knots, rope knots?

• 23:00Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  I don't, for some reason I used to see my father like tie stuff down on the top of the hood on the car. You know, the slipknots and stuff. So I'm, I'm, you know, check on Instagram, how, and YouTube. I got some books and I got like a six foot piece of rope. And it's weird cause when you sit on a plane and you take that out of your backpack, six foot piece of rope. The person next to you is like, what the hell's going on?

• 23:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're either a terrorist or depressed.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  I start lassoing the flight attendant.

• 23:33Sam Morril?

  That's a dicey search history with it, with some rope.

• 23:35Mark Normand?

  They only got five grand.

• 23:37Speaker 00

  What?

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  And a refund.

• 23:38Speaker 00

  Oh, Sully, you better get a refund.

• 23:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, 10 grand to agreed to not sue the airline.

• 23:43Speaker 00

  I'm not taking that 10 grand.

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 23:46Speaker 00

  How many people sued the airline?

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  Probably a lot.

• 23:49Sam Morril?

  And I bet all those people, they're like, I wish they fucking died.

• 23:52Mark Normand?

  Five grand is dumb. Yeah, I mean.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  How many people sued the Titanic?

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  Ooh, just the survivors, I guess.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Did they give them miles?

• 24:00Mark Normand?

  The women and children sued.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  None of the passengers on that Sully flight sued.

• 24:07Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 24:07Sam Morril?

  They were probably just grateful to not be dead.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But it's like when you get there early, they go, we're gonna land early. And then they sit on the tarmac for six hours.

• 24:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:16Mark Normand?

  Like, that's not landing early. It's the same with this. You're like, hey, we got there pretty quick, but we're in the water.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  Folks, we'll make up for it. We have the wind behind us.

• 24:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:24Sam Morril?

  Do you ever see the movie Flight with Denzel?

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  He's such a good actor that he's a drunk pilot. I'm like pulling for him.

• 24:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:31Sam Morril?

  I'm like, he's, he could do, he could, he could turn, he could change.

• 24:35Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:35Sam Morril?

  He's such a piece of shit in that movie. I mean, great flight.

• 24:38Mark Normand?

  Great movie. His plane's upside down in the beginning.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  You ever watch these replays of like Muhammad Ali fighting?

• 24:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  Any kind of sporting event where you know they lost back then, but you're still rooting for them to win.

• 24:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  You're like, come on, come on, man.

• 24:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:53Sam Morril?

  I watch sex tapes of myself like that. I'm like, I know I prematurely ejaculate, but maybe this time.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  I gotta take it out.

• 24:59Sam Morril?

  We're gonna break away, we'll be back after these words.

• 25:02Sam Morril?

  Fabletics, replacing an entire wardrobe gets expensive fast, which is why I finally tried Fabletics. As a new VIP, you get 70 to 80% off basically everything. So it actually feels affordable to grab a few new outfits without immediately regretting it. What surprised me most was the quality. Everything feels soft, lightweight, breathable, and honestly, more premium than I expected for the price. It's versatile, too. It's not just gym clothes. You can wear it for lounging around, running errands, traveling or working out. I've been wearing this a lot lately.

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:30Sam Morril?

  They're lightweight. I love the lightweight, breathable pants. I play ball in them outdoors. People have complimented them.

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 25:38Sam Morril?

  Lightweight shirts. I love the athleisure type wear, so I wear it all the time. So I'm loving the Fabletics stuff.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  Big fan.

• 25:45Sam Morril?

  And, uh, yeah, it's like, it's great quality stuff. I love the bathing suit, too. They have scrubs now, which is pretty perfect timing for Nurses Week coming up. So if you're in healthcare or know somebody who is, new VIPs can actually get a scrub set for just 15 bucks. Go to fabletics.com/wmbd to get 70 to 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select WMBD when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited time offer, so don't wait. Again, that's fabletics.com/wmbd for 70 to 80% off everything as a new VIP.

• 26:20Mark Normand?

  Ultra pouches. You ever realize how dependent you get on caffeine or nicotine without noticing it? Well, like you wake up exhausted, immediately reach for the coffee, make another coffee later, maybe an energy drink, and then suddenly your heart is racing. Ultra pouches. There you go. These are completely nicotine-free and caffeine-free, but they still give you this really clean focus and energy boost. And at first, I was skeptical because there's no nicotine or caffeine. You're like, alright, what's actually happening here? But they use a blend of nootropics and adaptogens designed with neuroscientists. Stuff like Infinity PX, L-theanine, Alpha GPC, vitamin B6, and B12.

• 27:02Mark Normand?

  The result is really smooth focus without feeling jittery or cracked. I've been taking these every day. I don't want to be a nicotine Nicotine guy, I don't want to be addicted, but these are cool, they make you feel alright. And, uh, yeah, there's no buzzy, twitchy stuff coming with it. And you still get the pouch experience people like, just without nicotine. I've also noticed they don't wreck my sleep the same way caffeine does late in the day. The Blue Raz flavor is nice, it tastes like a sour candy without being overpowering. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code WMBD to get 15% off at takeultra.com.

• 27:43Mark Normand?

  That's takeultra.com for 15% off with code WMBD. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please show support to our show and tell them we sent you. Marsman, getting older is weird because you're mentally, you still feel like you're in your twenties, but physically your body starts negotiating with you. You work out for a week and expect abs to magically appear, and instead your back hurts and somehow your stomach still looks exactly the same. And the frustrating part is a lot of guys think it's just getting lazier or eating worse, but there's actually more going on. As men get older, testosterone drops. And that can make it easier to gain fat and harder to keep muscle. Especially that stubborn stomach fat that just refuses to leave.

• 28:25Mark Normand?

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• 29:07Mark Normand?

  and three free gifts. Wow. At mengotomars.com. That's mengotomars.com for 50% off and three gifts when you check out. It's also available on Amazon. After you purchase, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them we sent you. Marsman.

• 29:26Sam Morril?

  Starting any kind of business or creative project is terrifying because at first you genuinely have no idea if anyone's gonna care. And once you actually start growing, suddenly you realize how many moving parts there are. Merch, payments, inventory, websites, analytics, customer support, social media, shipping. It gets overwhelming. That's why Shopify has become a massive platform for businesses of every size. They basically give you one place to run everything without needing 12 different apps. This is exactly what you need if you don't want to hire a huge team. You can build an online store with ready-to-use templates, run email and social campaigns, manage inventory and shipping, and even use AI tools to help write product descriptions or improve product photos. And the checkout process is huge, too. Everybody knows the purple shop pay button now because

• 30:10Sam Morril?

  it makes checkout insanely easy, which means fewer abandoned carts and more actual sales. And if you get stuck, Shopify has 24/7 customer support, which honestly matters way more than people realize once you're actually running a business. It's time to turn those what-ifs into cha-ching with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month at Shopify.com/Drunk. That's Shopify.com/Drunk. Shopify.com/Drunk.

• 30:38Mark Normand?

  Cha-ching.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  No, I'm with you, though. I mean, dude, that Thrill in Manila doc?

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, man. We were kings.

• 30:49Sam Morril?

  I think that was it. Yeah. Oh, my God.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  George Foreman hosted SNL once when I was on him.

• 30:53Sam Morril?

  He seemed pretty cool.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  He was cool. And then I saw him at the United Lounge, uh, because I belong to all the clubs because I'm rich.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  I saw him in the lounge and we talked. Those people, whoever hosts that show, it's like a lifelong membership of friendship with them.

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  Because it's like being in the foxholes.

• 31:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  You know, you stick, it's like a fraternity. You know, it's the same with the cast members, but fun with the hosts, they just, it's like the highlight of their life. You know, a lot of them are just film actors. They've never done anything live before.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:24Speaker 00

  You know?

• 31:25Mark Normand?

  Is it true that his kids are all named George?

• 31:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  And the girls are Georgina.

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 31:31Speaker 00

  There's one kid named The Grill.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  Cause he's got some teeth.

• 31:35Sam Morril?

  But he's got a transition. It's a big thing.

• 31:39Sam Morril?

  Damn. So Foreman, I remember some of those Foreman.

• 31:41Mark Normand?

  Frida.

• 31:42Sam Morril?

  I read that they, that Hulk Hogan was offered the George Foreman grill before him and he turned it down.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  What?

• 31:48Sam Morril?

  And that's like, that's like hundreds of million dollars.

• 31:51Mark Normand?

  Easily.

• 31:51Sam Morril?

  That he got.

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  Everybody had that thing.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  Plus the food you sell that you make.

• 31:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  On top of it.

• 31:56Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, on the highway? That, that press was fucking money, dude. I loved that.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, it was so primitive too. It's so simple. It had the, the grease drip thing. Remember that? You put on the bottom.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  What about the hibachi? You ever use that? You know what hibachi is?

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  Nah, I never did. The little grill?

• 32:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:13Mark Normand?

  I don't think I did.

• 32:14Sam Morril?

  How do you use that?

• 32:15Speaker 00

  Hot plate? How about a hot plate?

• 32:17Sam Morril?

  Hot plate?

• 32:17Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 32:18Sam Morril?

  When I was in the pen, dude, I fucking, I used a hot plate.

• 32:22Mark Normand?

  Penn State?

• 32:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Who else was, who was like a really cool host?

• 32:27Speaker 00

  Oh man. You know, I worked with some real, like, Robert Mitchum was on.

• 32:31Mark Normand?

  Jesus Christ.

• 32:33Sam Morril?

  You, you're the two Bridgeport, Connecticut guys.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  That's right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Also, Richard Belzer was from Bridgeport.

• 32:38Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Oh shit. P T Barnum. Not proud of it.

• 32:41Sam Morril?

  What was Mitchum like?

• 32:43Speaker 00

  He was, he was everything you'd think he was. I think.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  Drunk?

• 32:47Speaker 00

  He might have been drinking. There he is. He might have been drinking. I don't know.

• 32:50Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 32:51Mark Normand?

  Look at those glasses.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  He agreed to do it because his granddaughter, I think this is what I heard, his granddaughter had a film. She wanted to air on there. And they would air it if he hosted.

• 33:01Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  But yeah, I remember.

• 33:03Sam Morril?

  Did he have a good sense of humor?

• 33:04Speaker 00

  He did. In the dress show, it was, it was shaky.

• 33:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  But in the live show, he just came around. And one of my favorite sketches I wrote with him in it, it was based on the old Raymond Chandler films. You know, like film noir.

• 33:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  And, you know, where he would narrate it, the voiceover. So I wrote a sketch where. Me and Jan Hooks come in. I'm a gangster and, you know, she's a mall. And he's sitting behind a desk. He's a private eye. And we come in and he starts narrating it, but he's, he's not, it's not in the film. He's hiding behind a plant. I don't know who these two were, but I was about to find out. Who are you talking to? No, nobody, nobody. He goes, excuse me, I gotta use the restroom. And he leave, and the door would be part open. I was hoping that they would leave, but they wouldn't, you know, and I say, what's going on?

• 33:53Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 33:56Sam Morril?

  That's like the perfect person to get for that.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, he was the guy. He was the guy.

• 34:00Sam Morril?

  He's so cool.

• 34:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. But I remember during the table read once, there was a word hoodlum. And in the middle of the sketch, he stops it, which is weird, you know? Takes all the wind out of the sail. And he started talking about the word hoodlum. And he pronounced, really pronounced hoodlum, hoodlum. And he had a whole riff on, you know, where it came from. I don't remember, because I was drunk.

• 34:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. How about Phil Hartman?

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Phil was great, man.

• 34:28Mark Normand?

  One of the best of all time.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  Man, I remember when we first got to New York, we're doing the, we're doing the filming for the cold opening and all that stuff. And he wasn't there. He was somewhere else. And people were talking about the old guy. The old guy that's on the cast. And he was 37 at the time.

• 34:45Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  And we thought, that is old, man.

• 34:49Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 34:50Speaker 00

  But yeah, he was the best. He was the best.

• 34:53Sam Morril?

  Funny guy. He didn't speak a lot, right? But he was like the glue guy.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. He held the sketches. And he was a good artist, too, a graphic artist.

• 34:59Mark Normand?

  What?

• 35:00Speaker 00

  He did that. He did Crosby, Stills and Nash.

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  What? I didn't know that.

• 35:04Sam Morril?

  No way.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  He designed all these albums.

• 35:06Speaker 00

  Are you serious? I thought we were, are you kidding me?

• 35:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, my God.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  He designed the Asia album, which is insane.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Holy shit.

• 35:13Mark Normand?

  I had no idea.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 35:15Mark Normand?

  What a talent.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  The Beatles, the Beatles first album.

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  Shut up.

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, Phil was, Phil was really good. We had offices right next to each other. And he was um always into some kind of a new thing. Like you'd go to his office and he'd have like a sailboat model on the thing. And then, you know, he's looking through navigational things and he got into sailing. It's like a week later or whatever. There's like an airplane in there, you know? And he's like taking flying lessons. And it was like something different. Now he's got watercolors he's going. He's got, he's there.

• 35:48Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 35:49Speaker 00

  But yeah, he was, he was really uh, he was something else, man. He was so good.

• 35:54Mark Normand?

  Where did he come from? I don't know his origin.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  I think his brother managed America and Poco.

• 36:00Mark Normand?

  What?

• 36:00Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. John, I think his name was.

• 36:03Mark Normand?

  How about that?

• 36:04Speaker 00

  But he was from the Groundlings.

• 36:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. LA guy. Damn. That's crazy.

• 36:09Sam Morril?

  I remember seeing that SNL audition tape and he does like a detective character.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  He does that Mace guy.

• 36:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 00

  The Mace. There was another sketch I wrote for him with that character where he's got me as a hostage. And uh, I keep, I say, I say, Mace, let me go. I swear to God, I won't tell anybody. Oh, you better not tell anybody because if you do, I'll put a bullet in your head, you know? And I said, okay, I, I, I, I, he goes, you just stay right there. I said, okay, I promise. But can you just untie me so I can go to the bathroom? Or you better not make any moves. And he unties me and I try to run and he grabs me. I told you, what are you doing? You know, so every time I promised I wouldn't try to escape and he kept believing me. And I wrote lines like, if you're smart, you'll be smart.

• 36:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, so that was fun.

• 36:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:55Sam Morril?

  And then the nineties, you got Norm. I mean, I'm sure you get asked about Norm all the time, but I mean, I mean, you did a bunch of gigs with him too, right?

• 37:03Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I do, I do gigs with Norm. But when Norm came on SNL, he's a writer, just a writer. And he was just kind of, he was kind of um, unique because he wouldn't, you would never know what he was thinking about, you know? He'd be kind of, he got into a fight once, I forget who it was with. Somebody, he was smoking and somebody said, put the cigarette out. I forget who it was with. But um, but yeah, he wouldn't, and he would just write and, and then all of a sudden he'd be in sketches and um, and we would do gigs together and I remember.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  He would be very forgetful. And I think it might have been when he was, you know, going through cancer. Cause he had cancer for 10 years, didn't tell anybody.

• 37:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:43Speaker 00

  And people, I'd see people walk out of his show because they thought he was drunk. But I think it was from, uh, and I remember too, he'd always, wherever we went, he would always get bitters and soda water. That was the drink. And maybe it was to calm his stomach down.

• 37:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  But yeah, he was funny. He loved to gamble. He loved to gamble, man. And he was so unreliable and he loved to not pay back loans. And I remember we were in, uh, somewhere in Canada, some casino. And he comes out, you know, we were both co-headlining. Comes off the stage, he goes, hey, can you, can you loan me $500? The ATM won't give me $500 until like one o'clock tonight. I said, yeah, cause they know you, Norm.

• 38:25Speaker 00

  So, uh, I gave it to him and the next morning, uh, I go, hey, Norm, you, did you win at the tables? You got that 500? Yeah, go back and get it. Not, not yet, but I'll get it. And that went on for like two or three days. And then Sunday morning, we're getting really, I said, Norm, you gotta pay back people when you borrow money from them. And that's disrespectful. He goes, what are you complaining about? You only lost $500. I lost $5,000.

• 38:49Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 38:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, man. Yeah. It was, uh, it was a trip, man. Working with so many of these people and, you know, with Farley and, um, Sandler, Mike Myers.

• 39:01Sam Morril?

  You were, you were a little older than them when they were, uh, new on the show. Did you kind of take them under your wing or what was the relationship like?

• 39:07Speaker 00

  Well, well, who looks healthier there?

• 39:13Speaker 00

  He's too big to take under my wing right there.

• 39:16Speaker 00

  You know, you kind of, uh, you know, people say, is it competitive on that show? It must be really competitive. It is competitive, but it's a quiet competitiveness. It's really sly.

• 39:24Sam Morril?

  And also like, you're not gonna do what he does.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  No.

• 39:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, different animal.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  No, no one's gonna write stuff for me that he does.

• 39:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  Um, but it, it is kind of jockeying. I always thought, how can it not be competitive? How can you not get a fair shake when you got a stack of sketches? However, long it takes three hours to get through them all. And you've spent all night writing your sketch and then.

• 39:47Speaker 00

  There comes a sketch that's funny. Do you laugh at it? Cause it'll take away from yours.

• 39:53Mark Normand?

  Hmm, oh geez.

• 39:55Speaker 00

  I mean, how could you? You know, if you laugh, it's a fake laugh. It's like, ha, ha, ha. You know, it's not. But, I mean, you want the show to do well. So you want the best sketches on there. But it's a natural instinct, I think, just not to, uh, you know, cause you want your sketch to do well.

• 40:10Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:11Speaker 00

  But, um, but yeah, when you came on the show, you're new, everybody's scared. You know, they're not sure what to do and how to write a sketch. And I wrote a sketch in the beginning that had an ending. And we finished reading that and Lauren goes, ah, so that's the ending of the sketch. Okay. Or something like that.

• 40:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 00

  That's when I learned, you know, write an ending. He just let it fade out, I guess.

• 40:32Mark Normand?

  Ah, I like an ending.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  So, yeah, so there's a, you know, there's that writing thing and then there's just, you know, being on, uh.

• 40:38Mark Normand?

  The guy's trying to get away. He's like, you gotta stop getting away. And then a voice comes on, he's like, and then he did stop. Right.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:45Mark Normand?

  See, Andy.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  I remember right before I was going on to do, uh, my first sketch was a subliminal sketch. Um, you know, and it's live and it's SNL. I'm standing there on the stage and they're coming back from 10 seconds from the commercial. And Lauren Michaels, um, creator of the show, he puts his hand on my shoulder and he goes, are you sure this is what you want?

• 41:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? Do you want this? Do you want this fame and all that?

• 41:08Mark Normand?

  Geez.

• 41:09Speaker 00

  And then boom, gotta go on.

• 41:11Mark Normand?

  Is he trying to psych you out?

• 41:13Speaker 00

  No, no, cause he wants, he wants, trying to loosen you up.

• 41:15Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  You know, like, that's a silly question.

• 41:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Right. Now, you did TV for so long and now you see how the, the, uh, entertainment industry operates today with the internet and Instagram. Do you hate it more now? Was it more fun then?

• 41:31Speaker 00

  I know it's just different. You know, it's different. Um, it's, you know, it's like I said, when I was doing the weekend update, there was no Google or, you know, I was, we had just newspapers and Associated Press photos that we went through. And you try to take a photo of somebody who's like. I try to make a joke out of it, you know?

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 41:50Speaker 00

  So it was a lot more, I think, challenging back then. And no phones, cell phones, really.

• 41:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  There was no computers. We like, we would write the sketch on a legal pad and then give it to the PAs. And they'd have electric typewriters.

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 42:03Speaker 00

  And they'd try to get it all done by the table.

• 42:04Sam Morril?

  Well, back in your, in your time coming up, you needed to have talent. You know, like now, there's so many followings of like, people who are like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a bite of this new pop tart flavor and tell you if it's good or not. And that's like, that person has like five million followers.

• 42:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know.

• 42:19Sam Morril?

  And it's like, but you know, you're, you're laboring over these jokes, you're, you're, you know, stressing over. Was being on SNL at that time and Weekend Update in New York, was that like, that must've been fun going out. I mean, you must've been.

• 42:31Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 42:31Speaker 00

  Oh, it was crazy, man. It was like, you felt like the mayor of New York.

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  You know, and, uh, yes, we do have a table, Mr. Neil, and how about, get out of there, get out of there.

• 42:40Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  Can you tell us about some cool eighties parties?

• 42:45Speaker 00

  The thing about these, um, they had these after-parties and, you know, it was late at night, the show ended at one o'clock. And by the time you get out of there, it's like one thirty or whatever.

• 42:56Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  And we each had our own limo. We bring our guests.

• 42:59Sam Morril?

  Jesus.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  The hardest part of that show was getting your guests in. I don't know if you have that problem at like a comedy club.

• 43:03Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  You know, you, you're not even able to think about your thing, cause, hey, we can't get in, we're having trouble down here.

• 43:09Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  Like, oh shit. And you know, and then afterwards, they want to go to the after-party.

• 43:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  I never wanted to go to those things, cause it wasn't even a party. It was just a place for your friends to come and gawk at everybody.

• 43:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  You had your own table, you had to pay for it, you know, your drinks. And then Lauren would be at the back table talking to Neil Young or whoever, you know?

• 43:26Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  And, um, and then you're up until like four in the morning.

• 43:29Sam Morril?

  Were you single at this time or now?

• 43:31Speaker 00

  I was single.

• 43:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  For the first, the first, like, um, the first three or four years.

• 43:36Sam Morril?

  So there's no curiosity at these parties?

• 43:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're a tall cup of jizz, you're on the Weekend Update, I mean, you could be swinging.

• 43:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, you know, I had a girlfriend. But, you know, your whole life is being in that building.

• 43:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 00

  And you're just totally focused on it. And we didn't get paid that much. You don't get paid much to be on that show. It's like, I can't even remember. Was it, is it four thousand a show or eight thousand? And Lauren goes, you know, spend all your money on an apartment because you want to be comfortable.

• 44:07Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  And I remember getting an apartment finally down in the West Village. This was tricked out. This was a federal style building. It was a walk up. There's only four floors. The top two was ours. High ceiling. It was like the Friends apartment.

• 44:21Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 44:22Speaker 00

  Fireplaces in the dining room. Four fireplaces, the old wood floors.

• 44:27Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  And big tall windows looking down on the cobblestone street. Four thousand bucks.

• 44:33Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  A month, which that seemed like a lot back then.

• 44:37Sam Morril?

  Sure. I mean, that is a lot. In the nineties, that's. That's a ton. Yeah.

• 44:43Speaker 00

  I wouldn't know.

• 44:47Sam Morril?

  What were you making a week back then, you think?

• 44:48Speaker 00

  I think it was eight thousand.

• 44:50Sam Morril?

  Eight thousand a week?

• 44:51Speaker 00

  Four thousand. I don't know.

• 44:53Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow. For sure. It's good. Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:57Sam Morril?

  And it was opening up all this other stuff for you too, you know, with.

• 44:59Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 45:00Sam Morril?

  And. Movies? Movies.

• 45:02Speaker 00

  You know, the crazy thing is, you know, we all get paid that minimum amount, but the writers, we found out were getting paid more. And Lauren would say, you guys would be making tons of money when you do this show. They'll always be writers. And he's talking about Conan O'Brien was one of the writers.

• 45:21Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 45:22Speaker 00

  You know, Greg Daniels from The Office and.

• 45:25Sam Morril?

  Those guys are gonna struggle.

• 45:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're gonna struggle, man. There's Dave Mandell, who's a big writer producer.

• 45:31Sam Morril?

  Seinfeld.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  And so, yeah, so, you know, and some people did make, you know.

• 45:37Sam Morril?

  And Bob Odenkirk was a writer, right?

• 45:39Speaker 00

  Bob Odenkirk was a writer too.

• 45:40Sam Morril?

  So the writing stuff was like Conan, Bob Odenkirk. That's wild.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Robert Smigel.

• 45:45Sam Morril?

  Smigel, the king. And I think David Tell wrote on SNL for.

• 45:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, he did.

• 45:49Sam Morril?

  For a year, right?

• 45:49Speaker 00

  And all the cast members wrote too, most of us. You know, I wrote. I was hired as a featured player and a writer the first year.

• 45:56Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 45:57Speaker 00

  And I was gonna be guaranteed seven shows to be on. But I was on every show because I write for myself. I get myself on there, you know? And uh, so you know, you had those great writers and then you had the cast that were writing too. Mike Myers came in with a lot of his stuff.

• 46:09Mark Normand?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:10Speaker 00

  Dana and I came up with Hans and Franz and some other things like that.

• 46:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  And um, and Nora.

• 46:14Mark Normand?

  And you almost made a movie about Hans and Franz.

• 46:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, we did, yeah.

• 46:17Mark Normand?

  With Schwarzenegger.

• 46:18Speaker 00

  With Schwarzenegger, yeah. So here's the thing. You know, Schwarzenegger loved those characters and um, and um, we came up with an idea to do a movie. He was gonna co-star in it and co-produce it. And I wrote it with Dana, Smigel and Conan.

• 46:34Mark Normand?

  Holy shit. Wow, where's this flick? We gotta get that rebooted.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  It turned out to be a musical, which is really funny. And we, you know, we start out, uh, we wanna go to uh, the west coast to find our cousin Arnold. And so we live in Little Austria, which is in New York. You take the Roosevelt tramway up there. And it's all black and white. It's like next to Chinatown, but it's way up high.

• 47:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:01Speaker 00

  And everything's black and white and it's like the whole fif- you know, the eighteen twenties, they're using the, the stick broom.

• 47:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  You know, they're all like, so we just go off to uh, the west coast. We're on a bicycle built for two.

• 47:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 00

  Paddling all the way out there. We pick up hitchhikers along the way and they hook them up with the unicycle behind us. And um, yeah, so we wrote this movie and he was gonna be in it and we're all excited about it. And it was gonna be at Sony and then he had just done Last Action Hero where he buried himself a little bit. So he decided to go another way, another movie.

• 47:32Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 47:32Speaker 00

  So um, the problem was we relied too heavily on him. The part should have been just a smaller part.

• 47:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  And I think it would have uh, it would have rolled. But recently he's, you know, he went on Conan's podcast and uh, me and Dana read it uh, with Conan. And then Schwarzenegger comes on, you know, a couple of weeks later, just loving the script. You know, there's the movie, the Hans and Franz movie, the girl in that dilemma. It was so funny, you know, you go to the bathroom, they go, here's the directions. You go down the hall, you make a right at the Pictor statue and then you go into the bathroom. And there'll be some buttocks, you know, with the, you know, it's all plaster stuff. And he loved it and he was just laughing and just, you know, these guys, Dana Kavi and Kavy Neel and they're just, this is so funny. Yeah, where were you thirty years ago?

• 48:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 48:17Speaker 00

  Where was this attitude?

• 48:19Sam Morril?

  Well, it's hard, man. We're trying to make a movie right now and we're.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  It's not gonna happen.

• 48:24Mark Normand?

  It's a miracle.

• 48:25Sam Morril?

  We wrote it for Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's, I got a good feeling. He loves it. He loves it. Uh, no, but you know, you attach a guy like Arnold, you feel like you're good to go. It's crazy.

• 48:36Speaker 00

  Yeah. I don't even know if he ever read it back then.

• 48:40Mark Normand?

  He can't read.

• 48:42Mark Normand?

  Let me ask you though, this, you're on SNL for a couple of years. When it's over, are you terrified?

• 48:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 48:49Mark Normand?

  You're just out there?

• 48:49Speaker 00

  I'm excited. I was, you know, I had done nine years on that show. That's a long time back then. That was the longest. And, um, and I was kind of bored. I mean, I would be going on to do a sketch with food in my mouth from the craft service table.

• 49:02Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  Pick a food out of my mouth as I'm doing a sketch and my friends in my dressing room, they're all crowded. It's a little room. They're crowded in there. They got a blender making margaritas and they're watching some other show. I can't even get into the change.

• 49:15Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  So when I left, I was, I was fine. Plus I had a sitcom to go to too. It was the first, it was the first, um, DreamWorks television show. And, um, Steven Spielberg would be there and everything.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  What?

• 49:30Speaker 00

  It was called Champs.

• 49:31Mark Normand?

  Pull it up, champs.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  And they had a lot of, um, I don't even know if you'd be able to pull it up. They had a lot of, you could take it out, but you can't pull it up.

• 49:40Speaker 00

  They had a lot of, uh, you know, hands in the, in the, um, you know.

• 49:44Mark Normand?

  Cooks in the kitchen?

• 49:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, cooks in the kitchen. Not hands in the kitchen. And, uh, it would, uh, and it just got to be too crazy and it got canceled after like four or five episodes.

• 49:53Mark Normand?

  Ah, damn.

• 49:54Sam Morril?

  Did you like the show?

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I kind of liked it.

• 49:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's the so nineties. Oh, that guy.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  He's a, he's a regular guy.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  Do you remember the next punchline before I play it?

• 50:04Speaker 00

  Uh, no.

• 50:07Speaker 00

  I couldn't remember it then either.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Wow, yeah, once you got a sitcom in the 90s.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  I got a sitcom with Richard Lewis that was supposed to be great. It's called Hiller and Diller.

• 50:19Mark Normand?

  Hiller and Diller.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  In fact.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was, I remember, he was like 50 at the time, and you forget his lines. And he look at me, and he go, "I'm 50. I'm 50 years old." I can't, I can't remember that. Tell me what you're gonna say exactly. Don't improvise.

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  Is that Jan Hooks?

• 50:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, she was the most underrated.

• 50:38Mark Normand?

  She's very good.

• 50:39Speaker 00

  Uh, sketch actress on SNL.

• 50:40Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  This is revealing your age right here.

• 50:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Is the phone light on too?

• 50:45Speaker 00

  It's a loud ring.

• 50:49Mark Normand?

  Was that Sandler?

• 50:52Speaker 00

  Hey, Jan.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Sorry about that. Dude, you're in great shape, by the way. I am. You're kinda like, he's kinda ripped.

• 51:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, look at those arms. Good veins.

• 51:02Speaker 00

  Look at that. Holy shit. That's crazy. We call them guns, man. We're at Camp. That is legit.

• 51:07Mark Normand?

  Oh damn, open carry.

• 51:08Speaker 00

  He could kick our ass, dude.

• 51:10Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 51:12Speaker 00

  What, uh? You know, the thing about big guys is they're not that tough because they've never had to get in the fights. It's the little guys you gotta look out for.

• 51:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:22Speaker 00

  Look at you, Salikus.

• 51:23Mark Normand?

  Brad Williams will kill ya.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Brad Williams will take you down, man.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  By the way, I looked up your purchasing power of your apartment was $4,000 in 1987.

• 51:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  That would be like having an $11,600 apartment today.

• 51:35Mark Normand?

  That's a $12, $2013 though.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  Whoops, no, $2026.

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry. Okay. Yeah, you're right.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  You were ballin', dude.

• 51:43Mark Normand?

  That's a lot of money.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  That's a lot of money.

• 51:44Speaker 00

  That's what I'm paying for rent now. Did you, um? Yeah, that's crazy, dude. Yeah, that was, it seemed like so much money back then.

• 51:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That's a lot of money.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  And it was.

• 51:57Speaker 00

  Even for a rich guy like me. But then you were on Weeds for a while, right? Yeah, I was on Weeds for eight seasons.

• 52:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Weeds.

• 52:03Speaker 00

  I was really lucky, man. I stepped into these things, but the, um, Hiller and Diller thing with Richard Lewis was a really interesting, uh, show, and that was the same thing. It was highly touted, commercial spots where they were paying a lot of money, you know, sponsors.

• 52:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  And, yeah, Eugene Levy was on the show too. Oh, shit.

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's great.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  Look at that height order.

• 52:26Speaker 00

  There we go, man.

• 52:27Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 52:28Speaker 00

  Richard Lewis was hilarious, huh?

• 52:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's great on Curb.

• 52:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:32Sam Morril?

  We always wanted him on the pod. I DM'd with him a little bit and...

• 52:36Speaker 00

  How long were you guys doing this pod?

• 52:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, like five years.

• 52:39Mark Normand?

  Five years, yeah. I opened for him once at Comics in Manhattan. And he was like, "Hey, alright kid, alright." And he had a briefcase. And he was being nice. And he goes, "Keep an eye on my briefcase while I go out there." And I was like, "Okay." And then he was about to go out there and he looked at me and he looked at the briefcase and he took it on stage. I guess he didn't trust me to watch it.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  You know what he would do to me is, when we were on this show, he would call me at home to talk about the show and the sketches and stuff, or the characters. And then if he said something where he got a big laugh from me, he would hang up. It was like a mic drop.

• 53:17Mark Normand?

  Ah, I know.

• 53:19Speaker 00

  And I didn't know he did. I go, "So, Richard, when you do that part..." Hello? Hello? And I go, "Ah."

• 53:25Mark Normand?

  Nah, that's fun. You know, it's crazy, he went to baseball camp upstate with Larry David when they were like eight.

• 53:33Sam Morril?

  And they hated each other.

• 53:34Mark Normand?

  And they hated each other. Yeah, and then they became friends in the comedy scene.

• 53:37Speaker 00

  I saw at his memorial, they played a clip of him like on a Candid Camera show when he was probably 13.

• 53:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  With another guy. And it was so, you could see his, all the mannerisms, you know, as a kid. It was so interesting to see that.

• 53:54Mark Normand?

  I used to love, he had this school of jokes.

• 53:56Speaker 00

  That's him, that's the one right there.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  Wow. Fifty-six.

• 53:59Speaker 04

  Richard, I've gone through your DAT and your other records in school.

• 54:03Speaker 00

  What is this, Twelve Angry Men?

• 54:05Speaker 04

  I've been going through all the records in school for the past three and a half weeks now. And I've come to the very definite and firm conclusion that you would be perfectly suited for manual labor.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  See, manual labor? Yes.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  That's all, just manual labor? Manual labor.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Shannon, that was sort of for manual labor. We know, tells us it's just manual labor.

• 54:35Speaker 00

  We gotta see when his friend comes in, though. Can you play when his friend comes in?

• 54:39Speaker 03

  Oh, sure, I'll find it.

• 54:41Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 54:42Sam Morril?

  If you scroll it, no, it looked like it was that one.

• 54:44Speaker 00

  It should be this one. I think he'll come in.

• 54:46Sam Morril?

  You're on the right one, I think you just gotta go to the next slide.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  Oh, I see, I see.

• 54:49Sam Morril?

  Never mind.

• 54:51Mark Normand?

  Was he, was it coke? What was his vice?

• 54:53Sam Morril?

  Alcohol, I think, right?

• 54:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, was it booze?

• 54:55Speaker 00

  Uh, who knows, it was at least booze.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  Couple things.

• 54:58Speaker 00

  He would come in and I, he'd want, you know, like I said, a glass of white wine.

• 55:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:03Sam Morril?

  Such a weird drink to be a drunk on.

• 55:04Mark Normand?

  I know, classic.

• 55:06Speaker 00

  So he must have been doing all this stuff.

• 55:07Mark Normand?

  I think there was some heroin in there. Uh, he had a joke I loved as a kid where he said, uh, I was dating a girl, she was really loose. I called her up once, I got an ear infection. When I was a kid, my head exploded.

• 55:19Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 55:20Speaker 00

  Who, who influenced you guys? Who, who did you emulate when you first started?

• 55:24Mark Normand?

  Uh, Roddy, Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Carlin.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  I remember one time I did a gig at a place called The Horn, it was like one of the Last Supper Clubs, you know? And they have a singer, comic singer. And I finished my set, and I'm really green at the time. And I'm walking past the bar in the back, it's kinda dark, and this guy with an old fashioned Mets hat turns to me, "Yeah, it's really good, kid, stay with it, it's Carlin."

• 55:50Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 55:52Speaker 00

  And that, you know, that, that kinda stuff makes you go for another year or so.

• 55:55Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 55:56Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 55:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:57Mark Normand?

  He was so, I mean, Shanling said he met him at some random comedy club in like Tempe. And he goes-

• 56:01Sam Morril?

  He wrote him jokes, right?

• 56:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's like, "Give me some, some of your stuff, let me see some of your stuff." And he came back the next day and he read it all, put notes in it, and he said, uh, there was something funny on each page.

• 56:09Speaker 00

  Really?

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, which is insane, he did homework for, for Shanling.

• 56:13Speaker 00

  I love writing jokes for other comics. Like, when I go see a comic-

• 56:16Sam Morril?

  You gave me a tag once, like, many years, I opened your car lines, I wanna say like, it must have been 15 years ago or something.

• 56:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:22Sam Morril?

  And you gave me a tag, and I was like, "Oh my god, no, no one does that," that was kinda cool.

• 56:25Speaker 00

  Oh, I love doing tags, man, 'cause I think about them a lot. See, I was gonna give one to Whitney Cummings the other day, and she wanted to know about it. She didn't wanna have anything to do with it.

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 56:35Speaker 00

  I forget what it was, but...

• 56:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can't remember now. That's, you know, when you think of a joke, you gotta write it down. At least I do. Otherwise, you won't remember it later, and that's horrible, isn't it?

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  The worst feeling.

• 56:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, during sex, you're like, I gotta come immediately, I'm gonna lose this.

• 56:52Sam Morril?

  It's like, it's like losing a sneeze.

• 56:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 56:56Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. No, middle of the night, phone, voice memo, back to sleep.

• 57:00Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 57:01Mark Normand?

  And then people always do that shit where they go, if it's funny, you'll remember it.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  Nope.

• 57:04Mark Normand?

  That's not true.

• 57:05Speaker 00

  I had a dream once, I was on doing The Tonight Show, I come out, I do my opening joke, the audience would not stop laughing. They would not stop laughing. And, you know, they had to end the show and they were still laughing. And I thought, I've discovered the perfect joke. I had the perfect joke. I was so excited. I woke myself up. I wrote it down, I wrote it down, I went back to bed.

• 57:30Speaker 00

  And I woke up later that morning, and I'm going, I'm on my way to the bathroom, and I go, wait a minute. I had that dream with a joke, and I wrote it down. So I couldn't wait to get back and, you know, get the paper off of the night. I could barely read it. I swear to God, it goes, take my wife, please.

• 57:48Mark Normand?

  Nooo, come on.

• 57:51Speaker 00

  So I came up with that joke.

• 57:55Mark Normand?

  That was a good joke.

• 57:56Speaker 00

  It was a good joke.

• 57:56Sam Morril?

  So often though, you write it down, you're like, this was funny?

• 57:59Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 58:00Sam Morril?

  That's why I stopped smoking weed. I was like, I'd think something was funny, I was like, this isn't funny.

• 58:03Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  I ran into Letterman a year or two ago, and he goes, I often quote your joke, it's the funniest joke ever, it's a, it's a Lincoln joke. I go, which one? He goes, the Lincoln joke. Like, I should know right off the bat what it is. I said, well, I'm not sure. He goes, you know, the Lincoln where you go? I said, tell me what it is. He goes, well, you know, you say, you know, Lincoln used to walk to school every day in the snow. But what they don't tell you is he was always late. And I thought, oh, okay, I don't really remember that one. He goes, well, I've been giving you credit for it. So I thought, well, maybe it is mine. So the next time I went to a club, I tried it. Crickets, nothing. So it must not have been my joke.

• 58:44Mark Normand?

  I wonder who that could be?

• 58:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Lincoln, Snow. What's the punchline?

• 58:49Sam Morril?

  Is that he's late.

• 58:50Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 58:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah. It's like they bragged that he walked in the snow, but he's late.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Ah, all right. Well, I get why it didn't work.

• 58:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Well, my best audience is a dinner party.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  Cause then you can kind of riff with people, do some crowd work.

• 59:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  It's funny, you know, and then that's where you can really find out. That's where you need a notebook right under the, or at least record it, have a recording, you know, going on.

• 59:11Sam Morril?

  I got quoted for a joke I didn't say once and I was like, that's not bad. It was, I, someone just tagged me and it was like, have you noticed that the Beatles are dying in the, in the order of how cool they are? And I was like, that's pretty good. I wish I did write that.

• 59:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:24Speaker 00

  It's true.

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  I mean, Paul's the man.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  How much longer do you think these guys will go? Like Mick Jagger and?

• 59:30Sam Morril?

  He looks pretty good.

• 59:31Speaker 00

  They're inspiring for me.

• 59:33Sam Morril?

  But.

• 59:33Mark Normand?

  I saw him. I saw him about two years ago. They were cooking. They were moving. They were rocking out. Mick was bopping and weaving.

• 59:40Sam Morril?

  It is amazing that everyone's like, all these health gurus are just dying and Keith Richards goes on.

• 59:45Mark Normand?

  It's wild.

• 59:46Sam Morril?

  He's just cooking.

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:48Sam Morril?

  Is he healthy now or is he just still like, fuck it?

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  He looks like a lizard.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  I said hello to him at the 50th SNL reunion.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  And he shook my hand and it's just, you know, he hasn't done any manual labor. It was like a baby's hand. It was so soft and kind of like small.

• 1:00:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  And his cheeks were so plump. I was feeling his cheeks and his lips were so greasy and.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  I did see Paul McCartney there. I remember such small talk. I was giving such small talk, which they, he gets all the time probably, right? I knew him from like, he was on the show when I was there and from the 40th, I knew him. And so he must get this all the time. I go, hey, Paul, how's it going? He goes, uh, I said, that was a great choice of songs, man. Golden Slumbers. He goes, well, you know, Lawn wanted me to do that one. And I said, well, it doesn't matter, man, but I'm sure you had other songs you could fall back on, right? Yeah. Trying to joke around. He goes, yeah, well, you know, oh, let me introduce you to my, my, my niece, my nephew. And he brings me over to these four tall guys, black hair, looked nothing like him. And he brought me in there and. He left. He left me with those guys.

• 1:01:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:01:04Speaker 00

  I thought that's, that's how you do it, man. He's been doing, he's got all kinds of tricks, I bet.

• 1:01:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  That's some Jedi shit.

• 1:01:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  Come over here for a second. Peace forever. Gone.

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  Dana Gould said he met Paul McCartney and he was like, alright, Paul McCartney, Beatle, gotta be cool, gotta be cool. And he goes up to Paul and he just immediately falls out. He's like, oh my God, you're, you're the king. I love it. And Paul goes, take a minute and then come back. And Dana was like, man, he like, he's had this happen so much. He has like a regiment. He knows what to do.

• 1:01:35Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, he's got it all down there. I mean, he's doing it for you. And the way he walks from a car into the building.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  But you know.

• 1:01:43Mark Normand?

  It's hard to do if you're having a bad day.

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:01:45Mark Normand?

  Your friend dies, you walk in.

• 1:01:49Speaker 00

  But yeah, I remember looking at his mouth. I was just looking at his mouth because he had no moles on his. Like Andy Kaufman. And I thought, those little lips were, all those songs came out of.

• 1:02:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  You know, Hey Jude, Yes, all those get back. And the tongue sent them out. The tongue pushed them.

• 1:02:09Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  I'm dissecting the whole thing, you know?

• 1:02:13Speaker 00

  And it was weird just being that close to him, seeing somebody that famous.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Who's, who's someone that you, because you've seen so many people, who's someone that you feel starstruck around? Because it can't be that often, given how many people you've been around.

• 1:02:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, it's very rare. Jack Nicholson, maybe.

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  Oh shit. Where'd you meet him?

• 1:02:29Speaker 00

  I did a movie with him, with Sandler.

• 1:02:32Mark Normand?

  Anger Management? Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:34Speaker 00

  Where I played a lawyer.

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:02:35Speaker 00

  And I end up throwing like a tennis ball. I think I, I hit him in the head or something with it. I'm not sure what the.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  And a year later, Sandler told me, he says he runs into Jack Nicholson. And he goes, how's that lawyer friend of yours? Like he thought I was a real lawyer.

• 1:02:53Mark Normand?

  Oh. Damn, he remembered you.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  He did remember me. What's he, why does he want to know? How I am? What's going on?

• 1:03:01Mark Normand?

  Wow. Was the interaction good with him or no?

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  Uh, it wasn't much.

• 1:03:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 00

  You know, I mean, he loves Sandler. All these guys love Sandler.

• 1:03:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  They're intimidated by him, I think. But um, I don't think he barely saw me, you know, registered. It's like, you know, when we're touring with Sandler.

• 1:03:19Sam Morril?

  It's crazy. That's crazy.

• 1:03:21Speaker 00

  It's like, nobody, we're not even in the room. He could be naked.

• 1:03:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  And running around.

• 1:03:25Sam Morril?

  Then they really wouldn't see me. No, he, he really, uh, it's amazing. Now, I remember we were, we were in some, uh, hotel and I think it was in Atlanta and there was a wedding party. And Spade just ran up behind the party and photobombed them and they were like, oh my God. And Sandler comes around and Spade just runs over and goes, don't you dare let them know something better's around the corner.

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:03:49Sam Morril?

  Sandler has that effect. You just like, it's also hilarious just hooping with him because you just see, like, when guys take it too hard, he'll kind of let them know in his game.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:59Sam Morril?

  And I love it. Like, he'll, you know, he'll do the head pop with the ball a little bit.

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 1:04:04Sam Morril?

  And I love it.

• 1:04:05Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:04:05Sam Morril?

  Cause I'm just like, oh, he's pissed. But he's not gonna be a dick, but he's gonna let them know.

• 1:04:09Speaker 00

  Oh, he's a tough guy, too.

• 1:04:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:04:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:12Sam Morril?

  No, it feels good when you're on his team and you win. It definitely.

• 1:04:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:15Sam Morril?

  You're like, I better, I better work for the extra rebounds.

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  But I notice he's slowing down a little bit.

• 1:04:20Sam Morril?

  Well, you know, late 50s.

• 1:04:22Speaker 00

  Is he in the late 50s?

• 1:04:23Mark Normand?

  Pull it up, old Sandler.

• 1:04:25Speaker 00

  Pull it up.

• 1:04:26Sam Morril?

  He's still playing, though. I mean,

• 1:04:27Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:04:27Sam Morril?

  It's impressive to still be hooping.

• 1:04:29Speaker 00

  Yeah. That was, uh, I, I just kind of gradually stopped playing.

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  59, there you go.

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  I just stopped playing because, you know, you just get so many injuries and, you know, your body starts hurting.

• 1:04:40Sam Morril?

  But you played in Shanley's game, right?

• 1:04:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. We played there a lot. And those were amazing, those games. It was almost like a, you know, he was like the host of a talk show. I said, who we got on, who do we got on this Sunday? You know, we got the company coming.

• 1:04:52Sam Morril?

  Steven Seagal.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, Steven Seagal. And then afterwards, we'd have, uh, you know, just gathering his little TV room. He had a TV on with the game sound down. And Adam McKay would be there, Judd Apatow.

• 1:05:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:05:07Speaker 00

  And.

• 1:05:07Sam Morril?

  Can Judd hoop?

• 1:05:11Mark Normand?

  I hate to size him up, but I'm not saying that.

• 1:05:13Speaker 00

  Nobody was really that good at those games.

• 1:05:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:14Speaker 00

  You know, it was all kind of mediocre. You know who was good was, um, Decovney was good.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:21Speaker 00

  George Clooney was, they both had the same kind of minimalist moves like from Princeton. Cause Decovney played for Princeton and you're just good outside shot. You know, never really over, never worked up a sweat.

• 1:05:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 00

  And I remember one day, uh, Tom Petty came.

• 1:05:36Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:05:37Speaker 00

  Walking down the, the pathway. I thought, Tom Petty played basketball? He was fully, oh, street clothes, no shorts or anything. Anyway, turns out he was just watching cause he knows Gary from the Larry Sanders show.

• 1:05:49Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:05:50Speaker 00

  Cause he was on that and he sat on the bench by the court and he had his legs crossed. Ow, my balls. Legs crossed. And, uh, but it wasn't just once. It seemed like it was like a rope where he went around like a couple of times cause he's so thin.

• 1:06:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07Speaker 00

  You know, and he had a cigarette, he was chain smoking one hand, and he always had another cigarette ready to go.

• 1:06:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:06:14Speaker 00

  When this one burned out, he was just bringing it into the mouth like that.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 1:06:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. So that was fun. And then afterwards you have like, you know, uh, you'd hang out in that little TV room and the game on and Adam McKay and stuff, and they'd be asking him questions. Cause he was like the mentor to everybody and he'd be sitting in a chair like this and we'd be all sitting around, you know, still in the recovering, you know, still red and sweating. And, um, we'd just talk about comedy and it was such a great hang.

• 1:06:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  He'd have catered food, you know, from some deli nearby.

• 1:06:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  And I knew in his cupboard, he had my favorite cookies is full of like Pepperidge Farm double chocolate Milano cookies lined up and everything was so neat in this house. You open up the refrigerator, there's no leftovers in there. It's all like, you know, Perrier's lined up.

• 1:06:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Clean, you know, maybe a little something from the deli the night before, but still.

• 1:07:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  On it, you know?

• 1:07:07Mark Normand?

  Did you ever see his documentary? The one that Appleton did?

• 1:07:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:11Mark Normand?

  I don't know, but I don't know if he saw it cause there's that great part in the end where he, his girl wants to get married and he's kind of like, ah, I don't know if I'm a marriage guy. And he goes, how about this? We'll get married when, when we finish building the house. So he just kept adding wings on to the house. Cause he didn't want it to end. So he'd have to get married.

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  Well, it's interesting too, cause you're, he's definitely a hero of yours. You had a kid late. Was, were there ever points where you're like asking him, what do I do? No, not for that, cuz he was totally, uh, totally blank on that kinda stuff.

• 1:07:42Mark Normand?

  He was a bachelor till the end.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  He had trouble committing to.

• 1:07:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Speaker 00

  You know, but, um, but I remember seeing him like a couple of days before he died. We were at this restaurant in Malibu, a PCH, outside. And I said, Gary, you, you, you seen anybody, uh, these days? He said, well, I have a therapist that I've been going to and, no, I said, no, I don't mean therapy. I mean, a woman. He was thinking, he goes, nah, you know, I just gotta get my health together first.

• 1:08:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you see, it's always something, something he's gotta do.

• 1:08:11Speaker 00

  But he did tell me, uh, how he, uh, this is funny. He, I said, Gary, how do you, uh, when you invite somebody back to your room? How do you like make that move? He goes, what I do is I sit on the side of the bed and she's standing over there. And I'll check my answering machine, you know, a beeper at the time, landline. And, uh, I'll be checking and listening and then I'll go like this to her. Yeah, you know.

• 1:08:38Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:08:39Speaker 00

  You know, kinda like this is not the, uh, you know, another sit here, I'm gonna be on the phone. So it's not like, and then, you know, and then it would start from there.

• 1:08:49Mark Normand?

  Did he date Sharon Stone or am I crazy?

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  I think he did.

• 1:08:52Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  I think so.

• 1:08:54Sam Morril?

  I mean, he was definitely in the show. I don't know if it was real.

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  Pull that up. A pretty, he had quite a dating history.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  He did, he actually did. He was, he was charming.

• 1:09:01Mark Normand?

  He's very charming, enlightened guy.

• 1:09:04Speaker 00

  And he do a lot of jokes about his mother.

• 1:09:06Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:09:07Speaker 00

  How she wanted to marry him or something.

• 1:09:09Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  And my favorite joke, I did at the memorial actually, was my, my biggest fear is that Gary Shannick will spend the rest of eternity with his mother now.

• 1:09:18Mark Normand?

  Ah, wow, Sharon Stone and Linda Doucette and Silverman, holy moly. They got the young Silverman.

• 1:09:26Speaker 00

  Sarah would always play basketball with us too.

• 1:09:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:09:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:29Mark Normand?

  Kaitlyn Clark.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  That's not bad.

• 1:09:32Speaker 00

  Michael Jackson, scroll back. Michael Jackson down there. There's a rank further, a little higher.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  He's ranked five, four, one, zero of all people who have ever dated.

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  I don't know what that means.

• 1:09:44Speaker 03

  I don't know what it means either, but there's a ranking apparently.

• 1:09:46Mark Normand?

  Ah, alright.

• 1:09:47Speaker 00

  Do you ever go on AI, my son went on AI Chat GPT and he typed in, is Kevin Nealon handsome?

• 1:09:54Mark Normand?

  Oh god, this could get ugly.

• 1:09:56Speaker 00

  I, I don't remember exactly, but it's something to the effect that, you know, comedy is very appealing to women.

• 1:10:06Speaker 00

  It was like one of those things.

• 1:10:08Sam Morril?

  That's amazing.

• 1:10:10Speaker 00

  Let's see what it says.

• 1:10:11Mark Normand?

  Let's see what we got here. Chat GPT. Many people would say Kevin Nealon is kind of understated. Classic comedy, comedy handsome. Oh, that's bad.

• 1:10:22Sam Morril?

  Comedy handsome's handsome.

• 1:10:23Mark Normand?

  Ah, calm, sly demeanor. Agent of that silver haired dad whose golf aesthetic plays pretty well. Okay.

• 1:10:32Speaker 00

  It's never really marketed as a heartthrob. Maybe some actors are.

• 1:10:35Mark Normand?

  You don't want to be a heartthrob as a comedian.

• 1:10:37Speaker 00

  Effort, little, little, effort, let, yeah, who would want Matt Rife's life?

• 1:10:41Sam Morril?

  Guy's playing arenas, begging, telling women, what a horrible life that would be.

• 1:10:47Speaker 00

  Let's check and see Sam's. Sam's handsome.

• 1:10:50Sam Morril?

  Alright, let's see.

• 1:10:51Speaker 00

  Sam who?

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  He's gonna nag me and call me ugly.

• 1:11:00Mark Normand?

  Here we go.

• 1:11:00Speaker 00

  He's no Sam Kinison.

• 1:11:05Mark Normand?

  A lot of people would say yes, especially within comedy.

• 1:11:08Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  Good bone structure, tired eyes.

• 1:11:12Speaker 00

  Tall, just as cleanly as a deep voice.

• 1:11:14Sam Morril?

  Hey.

• 1:11:15Mark Normand?

  Ah, this knows its stuff.

• 1:11:18Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm a little disappointed. I thought it'd be really, really.

• 1:11:23Mark Normand?

  He's not movie star polished.

• 1:11:27Speaker 00

  We could have, we could have ended at the first paragraph and I would have felt very good about myself. I guess worse is the worst.

• 1:11:31Sam Morril?

  Actually, yeah, actually, I take back everything I said.

• 1:11:35Speaker 00

  He doesn't smell well.

• 1:11:36Sam Morril?

  Are we throwing Norman in there?

• 1:11:38Mark Normand?

  Ah, don't do me. I can't handle it. Oh no.

• 1:11:42Speaker 00

  Then put who's the funniest out of the three?

• 1:11:46Mark Normand?

  I wish my mom wrote this.

• 1:11:50Mark Normand?

  Every man handsome. Ah, that means mediocre.

• 1:11:53Speaker 00

  It means just like every other guy.

• 1:11:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Impressive eyes, good hair.

• 1:11:57Sam Morril?

  Expressive eyes.

• 1:11:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, expressive. I don't know about that.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  Yes, because your lobes deserve their own billing.

• 1:12:06Speaker 00

  You know where to get a roast beef sandwich.

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  We definitely don't know where to get a roast beef sandwich at midnight in Queens.

• 1:12:11Mark Normand?

  No you fucking don't. Oh my Kevin James?

• 1:12:13Sam Morril?

  This thing is a scam right here. You don't know where to get a fucking sandwich in Brooklyn, let alone Queens.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  Almost presidential if the president exclusively discussed airline snacks and diarrhea on stage.

• 1:12:24Mark Normand?

  What? I don't discuss airline snacks.

• 1:12:27Sam Morril?

  I like how they asked about his looks and they're like, and he only tells shitty jokes as well.

• 1:12:32Mark Normand?

  And a roast beef.

• 1:12:34Sam Morril?

  Roast beef? This thing's got a, it's got a ways to go.

• 1:12:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, thank God.

• 1:12:39Sam Morril?

  I actually don't think I have good bone structure.

• 1:12:41Speaker 00

  Cut that out.

• 1:12:42Sam Morril?

  I mean, those guys must be ranked pretty high on the dating list.

• 1:12:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:45Sam Morril?

  We're talking about LA in the 80s.

• 1:12:47Speaker 00

  Because Jack Nicholson's not really handsome by standards.

• 1:12:50Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:12:50Sam Morril?

  But he's just so cool that he's handsome.

• 1:12:52Speaker 00

  It's like Bob Dylan's not like a real good singer either, right?

• 1:12:54Mark Normand?

  Right, but it works.

• 1:12:55Speaker 00

  It works for him.

• 1:12:56Sam Morril?

  It's authentic. Nicholson, cool goes a long way. Think like, if Nicholson got like, everyone's fixing their hair now, what if Nicholson fixes hair? He wouldn't be as cool.

• 1:13:04Speaker 00

  He wouldn't be.

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:13:05Sam Morril?

  The balding was kind of cool.

• 1:13:06Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 1:13:07Speaker 00

  I'm just reading The Shining now, the book.

• 1:13:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:09Speaker 00

  Better than the movie, but I picture him in it. That was such a good movie of his in Chinatown.

• 1:13:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  By the way, ranked 181 Nicholson on the dating list.

• 1:13:17Sam Morril?

  I wouldn't know who's ranked one. It's gotta be like a rock star.

• 1:13:19Speaker 00

  What is it, Danny's?

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  Wilt Chamberlain?

• 1:13:21Sam Morril?

  Could be Chamberlain.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  All right, dating history, here we go.

• 1:13:24Sam Morril?

  Jeter's gotta be in there.

• 1:13:24Speaker 00

  What does that mean though? Exactly?

• 1:13:25Speaker 03

  Kate Moss.

• 1:13:26Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  Or Arflin Boyle.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  This is, oh, Sharon Stone's on every one of them.

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  Oh man. She got around.

• 1:13:35Sam Morril?

  She bums you up a notch too.

• 1:13:37Mark Normand?

  Amber Smith.

• 1:13:38Speaker 03

  I don't care.

• 1:13:39Mark Normand?

  Angie Everhart, hotchy, muchy, delby.

• 1:13:41Speaker 00

  Is this Jack Nicholson?

• 1:13:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  We haven't even gotten to the 70s yet.

• 1:13:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right? Oh man, Karen Mayo.

• 1:13:51Mark Normand?

  Sonia Morgan.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  From Housewives?

• 1:13:54Sam Morril?

  I don't know who these people are, but they all look good.

• 1:13:56Mark Normand?

  They look great. Winnie Holden.

• 1:13:58Sam Morril?

  Amish guy, look at the Amish woman there.

• 1:14:03Mark Normand?

  Onassis.

• 1:14:04Sam Morril?

  Rachel Ward, she was hot, Pretty Woman.

• 1:14:06Speaker 00

  She was big time, yeah.

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  Apparently he had a huge hog.

• 1:14:12Sam Morril?

  Kelly LeBrock.

• 1:14:13Mark Normand?

  Wow, LeBrock.

• 1:14:15Sam Morril?

  I think it was Pretty Woman or Weird Science.

• 1:14:17Mark Normand?

  Weird Science.

• 1:14:18Sam Morril?

  Angelica Huston, damn.

• 1:14:20Speaker 03

  This list is going.

• 1:14:21Sam Morril?

  You know this guy did well when it took that long to get to Angelica Huston? Damn.

• 1:14:24Mark Normand?

  Veruchka Von Leiderhoff.

• 1:14:26Speaker 00

  Is this all verified?

• 1:14:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:29Sam Morril?

  Don't go to Michael Jackson's page, it's gonna be really depressing.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  Let's do Jared Fogle next.

• 1:14:37Sam Morril?

  Is there an end to this?

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  Oh my, Madonna.

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Heidi Fleiss.

• 1:14:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa, she was a madam.

• 1:14:43Sam Morril?

  Harley Simon.

• 1:14:44Mark Normand?

  You're so vain.

• 1:14:46Sam Morril?

  You're so vain, eh?

• 1:14:47Speaker 00

  And also this guy. He was also with this guy.

• 1:14:51Sam Morril?

  I bet Warren Beatty's in the mix, too.

• 1:14:52Mark Normand?

  Ooh, pull it up.

• 1:14:54Sam Morril?

  We're talking all-time poon hounds.

• 1:14:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good one.

• 1:14:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Warren Beatty.

• 1:14:59Mark Normand?

  That's the worst spelling.

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  They couldn't even find it.

• 1:15:03Sam Morril?

  Warren Batty. B-E-A-T-T-Y.

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:15:08Speaker 03

  And then Warren, W-A-R-R?

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  Well, Warren comes first.

• 1:15:15Sam Morril?

  I didn't know it had to be that specific.

• 1:15:17Mark Normand?

  Oh geez. Beatty.

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 1:15:21Mark Normand?

  With an E.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 1:15:22Sam Morril?

  E-A-T-T-Y.

• 1:15:24Mark Normand?

  E-A.

• 1:15:25Speaker 03

  Start from B.

• 1:15:25Sam Morril?

  This is great podcasting right here.

• 1:15:28Mark Normand?

  B-E-A.

• 1:15:31Sam Morril?

  T-T-Y.

• 1:15:32Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:15:33Sam Morril?

  There we go.

• 1:15:33Mark Normand?

  There he is, you see the photo.

• 1:15:35Sam Morril?

  He's gotta be up there.

• 1:15:36Speaker 00

  Oh, totally.

• 1:15:38Mark Normand?

  250.

• 1:15:39Sam Morril?

  That's pretty damn good.

• 1:15:39Speaker 00

  Nicholson's higher than him?

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  Nicholson beat him.

• 1:15:41Sam Morril?

  You know why? Cause he got married.

• 1:15:42Mark Normand?

  Leo, Leo's gonna have a run.

• 1:15:45Sam Morril?

  But he got married, that's why, cause he tapped out after Bugsy.

• 1:15:49Mark Normand?

  Right, another Madonna, they were in Dick Tracy. Oh, Daryl Hannah, hello.

• 1:15:56Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:15:56Speaker 00

  Kelly McGillis.

• 1:15:58Mark Normand?

  She had a rough.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Whoa, Mary Tyler Moore?

• 1:16:01Mark Normand?

  Tyler Moore, wow.

• 1:16:02Sam Morril?

  He dipped into comedy, I love it.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Janice again. Iman.

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  Diane Keaton's a big one, cause you got personality there, too.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  Just look at this trifecta right here, this is crazy.

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Diane Keaton, Bianca.

• 1:16:14Speaker 00

  That was all the same night, those three.

• 1:16:19Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:16:20Mark Normand?

  Hachi machi.

• 1:16:21Speaker 00

  Kate Jackson. Michelle Phillips again.

• 1:16:23Mark Normand?

  Whoa, Barbara Minty.

• 1:16:25Speaker 00

  We should keep score.

• 1:16:27Mark Normand?

  BB Buell.

• 1:16:28Speaker 00

  BB Buell again.

• 1:16:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:29Sam Morril?

  Harley Simon again.

• 1:16:30Mark Normand?

  Melanie Griff.

• 1:16:31Sam Morril?

  They swung in the same circles.

• 1:16:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Look at that mouth.

• 1:16:34Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:16:35Mark Normand?

  Goldie. Joni.

• 1:16:37Speaker 00

  I like the first part of this was an interview and now it's just three horny guys.

• 1:16:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Jane Fonda, Barbara.

• 1:16:44Speaker 00

  It went to like good stories. Wow, look at her mouth and her bone structure. Holy shit.

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  Bridget Park. Well, we did ourselves too, just to keep it even.

• 1:16:53Speaker 00

  Makes you know we're watching movies.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Speaking of which, you guys want to get a Roofbees sandwich? I know a spot.

• 1:17:02Sam Morril?

  Damn, you pull up Jeter.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  I found out who's number one, by the way.

• 1:17:06Sam Morril?

  Who?

• 1:17:07Speaker 03

  Sabrina Carpenter.

• 1:17:08Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  Number one.

• 1:17:10Mark Normand?

  How's that work?

• 1:17:11Sam Morril?

  What does that mean?

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  I have no idea.

• 1:17:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, I guess she banged a bunch of guys.

• 1:17:14Speaker 00

  Can't be right.

• 1:17:16Mark Normand?

  I don't know, women can do it.

• 1:17:17Speaker 03

  Four guys, six guys.

• 1:17:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this is rigged.

• 1:17:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what does that mean?

• 1:17:22Sam Morril?

  Nicholson and Beatty had a life. Holy shit.

• 1:17:25Mark Normand?

  Do Leo.

• 1:17:26Sam Morril?

  Them, right before they died, their life flashing before their eyes.

• 1:17:29Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:17:29Sam Morril?

  They're gonna come. It's gonna be epic. It's gonna be so cool.

• 1:17:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:17:34Speaker 00

  Do you think they ever lay in bed going, okay, let's start from the beginning. Who was I with?

• 1:17:37Mark Normand?

  Yes. I do that. I'm nobody.

• 1:17:40Sam Morril?

  A woman you did ask you, like, who are you with? For them, they're like, do you have like four weeks?

• 1:17:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, what's your body get? Sixteen! That's the age. Ah, you made me do it.

• 1:17:51Sam Morril?

  Sixteen is, that's high ranking.

• 1:17:53Mark Normand?

  That's impressive.

• 1:17:54Speaker 03

  My gosh.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  See, it's almost cooler when you've never heard of them, because that means they're like some Russian model whore.

• 1:17:59Speaker 03

  These three, top three are all in 2023.

• 1:18:02Mark Normand?

  Jeez.

• 1:18:04Speaker 03

  These also.

• 1:18:06Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:18:08Speaker 03

  We're not out of 2023 yet.

• 1:18:09Mark Normand?

  These women are all smoking.

• 1:18:11Sam Morril?

  And they're all young as shit, Jesus. They're too young.

• 1:18:13Mark Normand?

  Ah, speak for yourself. Alina, they're all legal. Oh my god, this looks like a Ford modeling agency, just flipping through it. Rihanna!

• 1:18:25Speaker 03

  In 2015 Rihanna, too.

• 1:18:27Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:18:28Sam Morril?

  Was that before or after Chris Brown?

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  They both hit that.

• 1:18:31Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  Sorry. Alright.

• 1:18:35Speaker 03

  Well, that's a good run here for Leo, too.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright. Oh, P. Diddy! Rumor, you can't put rumors in? If that's true, I'm up to 12.

• 1:18:43Sam Morril?

  Wait, the rumors that he molested Leo?

• 1:18:46Mark Normand?

  Apparently.

• 1:18:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:48Mark Normand?

  Carmen Electra, Paris Hilton.

• 1:18:49Speaker 03

  Dating, would you?

• 1:18:50Mark Normand?

  Is that, uh...

• 1:18:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, by the way, that should knock you into the 200s at least.

• 1:18:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:18:56Sam Morril?

  16 after that.

• 1:18:57Mark Normand?

  I think Epstein's won. Gisele...

• 1:19:00Sam Morril?

  Where's P. Diddy right now?

• 1:19:01Mark Normand?

  Vanessa Trump.

• 1:19:02Sam Morril?

  He's in prison, he is.

• 1:19:03Mark Normand?

  Is he? Oh, he's with Luigi, yeah, same prison Luigi. Demi Moore. Hot Tamale. Claire Danes.

• 1:19:12Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:19:13Mark Normand?

  Shalom Harlow. Heather Graham. Juliette Lewis. Christina Aguilu.

• 1:19:18Sam Morril?

  They saved the big names for the end.

• 1:19:21Mark Normand?

  Michelle Rodri.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:19:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, go up to Irina Shank, holy hotchi dick cheese. Yeah, that's Bradley Cooper's wife.

• 1:19:29Speaker 03

  Uh oh.

• 1:19:29Mark Normand?

  So I guess she...

• 1:19:30Sam Morril?

  Mark and I, literally, every week, we're like, we get in a lot of trouble with the women in our lives from just podcast clips. And then like, how should we close out this week's episode? Oh my god, look at her. Holy shit.

• 1:19:42Speaker 03

  Well, he's single, but he's married with kids.

• 1:19:44Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:19:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, this pod has definitely put the brakes on some relationships.

• 1:19:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, we gotta cool it.

• 1:19:51Sam Morril?

  We gotta cool it.

• 1:19:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:53Sam Morril?

  But no, I'm maybe in something now, so we'll see.

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Ooh! The Knicks game lady?

• 1:19:59Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:19:59Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's, you put it out there in the world, that's public.

• 1:20:02Sam Morril?

  How exciting though is this time right now?

• 1:20:03Mark Normand?

  Dude.

• 1:20:04Sam Morril?

  Infatuation time.

• 1:20:06Mark Normand?

  Trying to... Oh, I think I meant the Knicks.

• 1:20:09Mark Normand?

  I was like playoffs.

• 1:20:11Sam Morril?

  You met someone, I'm like, you're right, Jalen Brunson really is. That twinkling in his eyes.

• 1:20:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Sam Morril?

  No, I, no, dude, that's fun. And she's very cool, so.

• 1:20:22Speaker 00

  She see you at the club? Is that what she's saying?

• 1:20:24Sam Morril?

  No, I fucking hinged, dude.

• 1:20:26Mark Normand?

  Hinge is big.

• 1:20:27Speaker 00

  Hinge, you go on there?

• 1:20:29Sam Morril?

  Dude, I was on there for not long and she was hot. I swiped and I was like, boom. And has a kid and a gay ex.

• 1:20:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, perfect. Gay ex is ideal.

• 1:20:40Sam Morril?

  But he's not a cool gay ex. He's not like a fun gay ex. He's like a sad gay ex.

• 1:20:43Mark Normand?

  Ah, alright.

• 1:20:45Sam Morril?

  That's fine.

• 1:20:46Mark Normand?

  But there's no competition.

• 1:20:47Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:20:48Mark Normand?

  That's nice.

• 1:20:49Sam Morril?

  Hope not.

• 1:20:50Speaker 00

  Do you think if there was no, uh?

• 1:20:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, please don't.

• 1:20:52Mark Normand?

  Number one.

• 1:20:53Speaker 03

  One relationship.

• 1:20:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 1:20:56Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, man.

• 1:20:59Mark Normand?

  That's a hell of a photo they got, huh?

• 1:21:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, geez, what the hell has happened to my life at that point? When did I get bangs? What happened to my face?

• 1:21:07Speaker 00

  Your P. Diddy cellmate right here.

• 1:21:11Speaker 00

  What if it was just Taylor and P. Diddy? The number is how many you've been with?

• 1:21:17Speaker 03

  No, that's relationships total. His ranking is? No ranking.

• 1:21:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:22Mark Normand?

  Her photo's not great either.

• 1:21:25Speaker 03

  Cut it.

• 1:21:26Mark Normand?

  There we go, cut that.

• 1:21:27Sam Morril?

  No, you can keep it. Who gives a shit?

• 1:21:30Mark Normand?

  Okay, well, pull up Nealon's history. No, I'm just kidding.

• 1:21:33Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, Kevin, you want to plug some dates coming up?

• 1:21:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I got a, you know, a special that's out on YouTube called Loose in the Crotch.

• 1:21:45Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:21:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:47Sam Morril?

  Give it a watch right now.

• 1:21:49Speaker 00

  There's my little schedule. People can check out my schedule on kevinnealon.com.

• 1:21:53Speaker 03

  There we go. We got May 22nd in Houston.

• 1:21:56Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:21:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:57Speaker 03

  23rd also Houston, 24th, and then Pottstown, PA on the 25th.

• 1:22:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, we know Soul Jules.

• 1:22:02Speaker 00

  Getting a little exhausted looking at this.

• 1:22:04Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 1:22:05Speaker 03

  And then, uh, in June, it's Solana Beach, California, Covina, Tulsa, Oklahoma on the 11th.

• 1:22:12Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 1:22:12Speaker 03

  To the 13th, which is nice. Pittsburgh on the 19th.

• 1:22:16Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  I don't know where Ridgefield, Washington is, but you'll be there on.

• 1:22:19Speaker 00

  That's with Dana Carvey.

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, I can't miss that.

• 1:22:22Speaker 00

  Zoo below that, we're at a zoo.

• 1:22:25Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:22:26Speaker 03

  Ohio, Cleveland, Ohio, Hilarities?

• 1:22:27Speaker 00

  Oh, the best.

• 1:22:28Mark Normand?

  Great room.

• 1:22:30Speaker 03

  Wow, it's great. Boston in August.

• 1:22:32Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  Wilbur.

• 1:22:33Speaker 00

  These are all, these are all the cities I've been with.

• 1:22:38Mark Normand?

  You've been inside of them.

• 1:22:40Speaker 00

  Yeah. Uh, isn't it funny, you know, even when you post where you're gonna be, you never put, it's a club. You just put Cincinnati, Ohio.

• 1:22:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:22:51Speaker 00

  Oh, it must be, what theater is that at? Oh, it's a comedy club.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  That is true.

• 1:22:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I got that special that's out there right now. And say the name one more time? It's, uh, called Loosen the Crotch. It's on, uh, YouTube. It's part of the 800 Pound Gorilla Platform. And it's doing really well.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  Over half a mil.

• 1:23:07Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:09Mark Normand?

  And it just came out.

• 1:23:09Speaker 00

  And then I got a movie, The Mermaid Movie is out, May 26th.

• 1:23:13Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:23:13Speaker 00

  And, um, like the hiking show I do, Hiking with Kevin on YouTube.

• 1:23:17Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:23:18Speaker 00

  And I've done like 170 hikes.

• 1:23:20Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 1:23:21Speaker 00

  And you get huge guests in there. So, I said, Tom Hanks and all.

• 1:23:24Mark Normand?

  Whoa. That's crazy.

• 1:23:27Speaker 00

  And, um, Bryan Cranston.

• 1:23:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:23:30Speaker 00

  Um, but, um, and then, you know, my wife and I were executive producers on a, a documentary that got nominated for an Oscar. Called Come See Me in the Good Light. And we went to the Oscars this year. It was crazy.

• 1:23:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:23:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. And, um, we didn't win, but it's on, uh, Apple TV. You can check it out. Come See Me in the Good Light. There you go.

• 1:23:48Mark Normand?

  Was that a Conan hosting?

• 1:23:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That's cool.

• 1:23:55Mark Normand?

  Did you get to go to the after party?

• 1:23:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, but not the good one.

• 1:23:59Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:24:00Speaker 00

  This one with the improv.

• 1:24:04Speaker 00

  That was the governor's ball.

• 1:24:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:24:07Speaker 00

  I didn't even think he was there, or she was there, whoever it is.

• 1:24:10Mark Normand?

  Newsom.

• 1:24:11Speaker 00

  So now we're down into, who's this?

• 1:24:13Sam Morril?

  Is this me? Oh, yeah, I'm at Verona, New York at the Turnings So Casino, June 6th, and then I'm going to, I'm off for a while, but I'll add some stuff. I got late August, Lisbon, then Athens. You gotta go click, see all.

• 1:24:25Speaker 00

  How does that happen? What is in Athens?

• 1:24:27Sam Morril?

  I'm doing a venue there.

• 1:24:28Speaker 00

  Is it like a big club?

• 1:24:30Sam Morril?

  It's pretty big, actually. It's, yeah, Athens.

• 1:24:31Speaker 00

  Eight hundred?

• 1:24:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:24:34Speaker 00

  And how did you get that?

• 1:24:35Sam Morril?

  My agent just, I was like, I just want to go to Athens and I'll see if it does. Some of these are looking good and some are looking, Budapest is looking really bad. So I'm just pumped to go to Budapest, but that's looking rough. Zagreb, for some reason, is looking really good, so keep buying Zagreb.

• 1:24:48Mark Normand?

  Where the hell is Zagreb?

• 1:24:49Sam Morril?

  Croatia.

• 1:24:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, got it.

• 1:24:50Sam Morril?

  We got Vienna, Warsaw.

• 1:24:52Speaker 00

  Is this from YouTube?

• 1:24:53Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:24:54Speaker 00

  Specials, Netflix specials?

• 1:24:55Mark Normand?

  It's from everything.

• 1:24:56Sam Morril?

  It must be everything. I don't know.

• 1:24:58Speaker 00

  Now, when I said, how did you get these? I meant, are you that funny?

• 1:25:04Speaker 00

  That's what I was wondering.

• 1:25:05Sam Morril?

  No, Kevin, but I have really good bone structure.

• 1:25:08Mark Normand?

  Bedroom eyes.

• 1:25:09Speaker 00

  Warsaw's supposed to be beautiful.

• 1:25:10Sam Morril?

  I heard.

• 1:25:11Mark Normand?

  That's what I hear.

• 1:25:11Sam Morril?

  That's what I hear, yeah.

• 1:25:12Speaker 00

  And how long are you in each town? Like, one day?

• 1:25:14Sam Morril?

  A couple nights each.

• 1:25:15Speaker 00

  One evening?

• 1:25:15Sam Morril?

  No, I make sure a couple nights each, and then Helsinki's only one night. And then, yes, then I got Stockholm and Copenhagen, and hopefully Mark and I are shooting a movie this summer. We'll see, but.

• 1:25:24Speaker 00

  I'm so jealous, man. This is what I always wanted to do. I went to Paris last summer and did a gig there. It was just a little room, like, set, like, sixty people.

• 1:25:32Sam Morril?

  It's so fun, though.

• 1:25:33Speaker 00

  It's fun, but then they have these other little clubs. Literally twenty people they seat, you know? It's upstairs in someplace. But I always wanted to do something like this, and it's not like a lot of money, is it? How much is it?

• 1:25:45Speaker 00

  No, they don't pay a lot of money. So it's almost like.

• 1:25:48Mark Normand?

  It's a free vacation.

• 1:25:49Speaker 00

  I mean, with the planes and, you know, the hotels.

• 1:25:54Speaker 00

  Right?

• 1:25:54Sam Morril?

  It'll be fun.

• 1:25:56Mark Normand?

  It's gonna be great.

• 1:25:56Speaker 00

  It will be fun, there's no doubt about it. I would, I would die to do that.

• 1:25:59Mark Normand?

  I did that Athens room, it was good.

• 1:26:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:26:01Mark Normand?

  The crowds there are great.

• 1:26:02Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:26:03Mark Normand?

  They're so grateful you come, yeah.

• 1:26:04Speaker 00

  Are they American?

• 1:26:05Mark Normand?

  Not really, but they speak English.

• 1:26:07Sam Morril?

  They speak English, and they get it. Yeah, everybody go. It's subdued. I, I was in Milan last year and they were good. It's, it's shocking how good they are.

• 1:26:15Mark Normand?

  And they know all our American stuff. You know, they know all about our politics and movie stars.

• 1:26:19Speaker 00

  And do you go by train, or how do you get to these places?

• 1:26:22Mark Normand?

  I just jumped around on a flight to flight.

• 1:26:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, some, some places you can take, I have to do a car for one of them, but then it's mostly short, like hour flights.

• 1:26:30Speaker 00

  Do they have Ubers there?

• 1:26:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:32Speaker 00

  And, and who books all the travel for you?

• 1:26:33Mark Normand?

  An agent.

• 1:26:35Speaker 00

  An agent?

• 1:26:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:36Speaker 00

  Dang, man.

• 1:26:37Mark Normand?

  With the internet, it's all.

• 1:26:38Speaker 00

  Life, man.

• 1:26:39Mark Normand?

  International.

• 1:26:39Sam Morril?

  It's alright.

• 1:26:40Speaker 03

  Where are you gonna be, Mark?

• 1:26:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, where am I gonna be? Spokane Comedy Club.

• 1:26:44Speaker 00

  Back to the States.

• 1:26:45Mark Normand?

  We're back in the clubs, baby. Helium Philly. Uh, come on out. Milwaukee Improv, Irvine Improv, let's sell that puppy out.

• 1:26:54Speaker 00

  That's where I filmed my special, Irvine Improv.

• 1:26:56Mark Normand?

  The Great Room.

• 1:26:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:26:57Mark Normand?

  Great Room.

• 1:26:58Speaker 00

  She's about 500.

• 1:26:59Mark Normand?

  Tempe Improv, uh, Detroit area, Royal Oak. Yep, Cleveland again. And Emerald City, I've never been there, I'm trying that out, that's, uh, Seattle. And, uh, yeah, that'll, that'll, Tampa. And Cobbs in SF, and then Houston Improv.

• 1:27:18Speaker 00

  You know what's a great room? You guys got, I bet you haven't worked there, it's up in Eugene, Oregon.

• 1:27:22Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:27:22Speaker 00

  It's called, um...

• 1:27:26Speaker 00

  I forget what it's called.

• 1:27:28Sam Morril?

  It's hell at the funniest line on Eugene, or he goes, uh, Eugene, Oregon is, I call it the town that makeup forgot.

• 1:27:37Mark Normand?

  That's fun. Oh yeah, we got Pushing Boulder, about to hit 400K. That's a little documentary we, me and Sally made. About trying to work on material and tweak material before a special.

• 1:27:48Sam Morril?

  Right there.

• 1:27:48Mark Normand?

  Ah, roast beef sandwich. And, uh, yeah.

• 1:27:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, look at that stuff, almost 400K views.

• 1:27:55Mark Normand?

  We're getting there, we're getting there. Oh, it's hungover. Alright, I'm hungover now. Hey, Netflix Fest, thanks for having us. Kevin, thanks for popping in.

• 1:28:03Speaker 00

  And watching special. Thanks for having me, man. Yeah, Loosen the Crotch on YouTube.

• 1:28:07Mark Normand?

  Loosen the Crotch.

• 1:28:08Speaker 00

  Kevinill.com for my schedule.

• 1:28:10Mark Normand?

  Let's get to a million.

• 1:28:11Speaker 00

  Good light, Hiking with Kevin.

• 1:28:12Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:28:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, watch Hiking with Kevin, those are awesome.

• 1:28:15Speaker 00

  They turned this off like five minutes ago. I got, uh, I got, uh, I got Cleveland coming up.

• 1:28:23Mark Normand?

  That was awesome.

• 1:29:12Speaker 05

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