MBMBaM 774: Bear No Skyver

Welcome, welcome! May we interest you a lovely Charlugerie board? It includes a variety of tasteful jokes to be enjoyed in pairings, as well as a stinky cheese that you need to justify eating, a brand-new McElroy cousin, and over here is a delectable back full of allergy stickers. Suggested talking points: Gordo the Slime Angel, Sky-Rizzy Arc, Sin Cheese, Fiber Min-Maxxing World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Uh, yeah, what's up, Trav Nation? You're Miller's brother, Travis, Big Dog Wolf, Vern Free McElroy.

• 1:23Griffin McElroy?

  Wonder what that's all about?

• 1:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, trying to meet, hopefully there's a story there.

• 1:27Griffin McElroy?

  Can't wait to crack that nut. And I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. And I've got the old magnifying lens out, looking for clues.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  I think Griffin, I think, why my old trickies acting up? I think we got 60%.

• 1:45Griffin McElroy?

  Something's been befouled in the state of Denmark. You guys might not have noticed, but. I smell a bit of. My energy's a little bit off. Yeah.

• 1:58Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Speak on this Travis. Well, I've been thinking about it a lot and listen, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm so grateful when you guys cast me in the role of Travis. Yeah. And like my career was not doing great at the time and ever since I got. We say, we save, we saved you. Yeah, it's done wonders for my crew. But I feel. Us him.

• 2:24Travis McElroy?

  It's obvious. Check the legal documentation. We saved him. I'm worried that at this point, the storylines have gotten a little stale. Not paid to worry. Paid to act like Travis. Not paid to worry. Real Travis is worried. Listen, and I know I'm not the writers, but I feel like the storylines have gotten a little stale. Sure. Um, we've been doing the show for a while now and I thought maybe like I could pitch to you guys some new kind of like storylines or plot points that we could.

• 2:50Griffin McElroy?

  And maybe we could even come up with some of our own.

• 2:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to. We, we wanted our.

• 2:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I take it back. You, I know a few weeks ago, we pulled you aside and we said that you really weren't nailing the role of Travis. Yeah. You are.

• 3:06Griffin McElroy?

  You really, you really stepped into it.

• 3:09Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. I spent. And stepped into it. Yeah. I've spent a lot of time with the real Travis trying to get inside his head. Yeah. I am so sorry. You are receiving the special hazard pay that we do offer. Thank you very much.

• 3:22Griffin McElroy?

  So what's your first pitch for us Travis?

• 3:24Travis McElroy?

  So.

• 3:24Griffin McElroy?

  Because you know, I like consistency. People like this product and I'm not looking to shake things up just to be a, just, just a race to be last to the disruption market.

• 3:33Travis McElroy?

  No, I think, I think that this is, uh, gonna be just a, a really seamless transition. So we introduce like a cool teenage cousin character named Skyver.

• 3:44Griffin McElroy?

  So this is going to be one of our cousins? Because I don't think they're still making those.

• 3:50Travis McElroy?

  No, he's Travis's cousin.

• 3:54Griffin McElroy?

  I still don't think, I still don't think when you're in your, in your mid 40s, I don't think you're getting a lot of new cousins.

• 4:01Travis McElroy?

  Well, he could be like an illegitimate cousin or something, however we want to do it, or like a long lost cousin, something like that.

• 4:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. I'm just saying, we saw the fam last week while we were, while we were.

• 4:13Travis McElroy?

  And you're telling me that you could name every single one of them and tell me there's, with a hundred percent certainty, there's no Skyver among them?

• 4:19Griffin McElroy?

  That they could bear, that they could, and also that they could bear no Skyver. Yeah, for sure, man.

• 4:24Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so then Travis.

• 4:26Travis McElroy?

  Family gathering and my wife looks to me for guidance and I look back at her.

• 4:30Travis McElroy?

  The void looks back at you.

• 4:32Travis McElroy?

  I can tell you.

• 4:33Travis McElroy?

  Void knows less than you do.

• 4:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, I'll tell you who the cool ones are. I know the, I know all the cool uncles.

• 4:38Travis McElroy?

  Well, Skyver is definitely one of the cool ones. He skateboards and he's like a bassist in a high school band.

• 4:43Griffin McElroy?

  And he's, he's gonna be on the show, we're splitting profits with.

• 4:46Travis McElroy?

  So what happens is the Travis character and Skyver go to a museum together or something and like touch an old spooky staff.

• 4:54Griffin McElroy?

  And you switch bodies.

• 4:55Travis McElroy?

  Bodies, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then like Skyver as Travis has to do the podcast and Travis as Skyver has to.

• 5:04Griffin McElroy?

  And are we gonna follow Travis? Are we going to?

• 5:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we're gonna follow both of them.

• 5:08Griffin McElroy?

  So hold on, wait, which you is gonna be on the show?

• 5:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:12Griffin McElroy?

  Which you, young body, old brain, or old, old body, young brain?

• 5:16Travis McElroy?

  Well, we're gonna cut between the storylines, it's like they weave back together because we'll see Skyver as Travis doing the podcast and Travis as Skyver learning to skateboard and sell drugs.

• 5:25Travis McElroy?

  How do we communicate? I don't feel like we've ever tried to communicate like mixed, mixed timelines, like Hill Street Blues style.

• 5:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:33Travis McElroy?

  In like, in the podcast form, I don't feel like that happens.

• 5:36Griffin McElroy?

  We don't do, we don't do Family Guy style cutaways. We do a lot of other.

• 5:39Travis McElroy?

  Voicemails.

• 5:41Griffin McElroy?

  Voicemails from a team.

• 5:42Travis McElroy?

  And like, yeah, videos that Skyver sends us, that kind of thing.

• 5:46Griffin McElroy?

  That idea's a real stinker, Trav. What else, what else do you got?

• 5:49Travis McElroy?

  Well, then you do one, and if it could have a focus on the Travis character, that would be great.

• 5:54Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, maybe it could even be mine, about me or Justin.

• 5:58Travis McElroy?

  I guess, okay, what do you got?

• 6:01Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I don't actually, I mean. I don't really have anything. That's the problem. Okay, we find. I'm join, I am going to join the Swedish House Mafia. Ooh. And I, that's gonna be my new thing is I'm gonna talk a lot about all of our shows. And all of our parties and some of the new tunes we've got coasting over the UK airways. And obviously, there's gonna be some pretty big lifestyle changes for me. I don't know anything about Swedish House Mafia. Yeah. Except that they're a, a, a house music supergroup. It's gonna be quite a learning curve. There'll be a huge learning curve. I have to learn Swedish. Yeah, that's fair. Have to learn, have to learn Swedish. Tough.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I was thinking of another one where we win a sweepstakes and we think it's to go on a cruise. But it's, we win the whole cruise ship. And then we own a boat and then it's about us. Yeah, and then it's like three captains. It's kinda cool. Let me, let me, let me just, can we put a little, can we put some guardrails on this motherfucker? Okay, okay, yeah. Like what? We can't, we can't get a boat and I don't wanna pretend to be on a boat for an extended period of time. So like, any of your ideas that are like, we find, we hire a teenager to now be on the show. Like, you understand the level of bits we're capable of. I became a- Our dalliances with extended plotlines in the past have been some of our, our most notorious whoopsies.

• 7:25Griffin McElroy?

  Like, for example, when we were sponsored by Ga, remember the, the 2.0 era? Yeah. Yeah, man. Relaunch this show for like 10 episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, way more sponsored. Uh, that was, nobody liked that. Um, there was the eclipse episode where the whole thing sounded terrible and it looked like a nightmare because we recorded it during the full eclipse. And everyone hated that. Yeah. You know, the Star Wars incident. Don't need to say anything else. I became a dog for a while, but that just was basically, I said, I'm a dog now. So like, there was no props or new hiring. There's no overhead effect of, so like, we, I'm on the, you know, financial side of things. I'm always balancing the boat. Our successes are usually almost accidental. Yes.

• 8:10Griffin McElroy?

  Less than planned. Accidental, and I can't stress this enough. Virtually costless. Well, I don't. Basically free to implement. I hate to resume drop, but as you guys know, I was recurring Untouched by an Angel. For its run and as it went on. You play Gordo the slime angel. Go on. And the budgets increased over time. Have you guys talked to the studio about increasing our budget to a point where we could get? Like a boat. The studio's the listeners, Trav. That's what's so great. What? That's what's so great about the max fund model is that we are directly, it's not a max fund drive. I'm gonna start speaking in a tone of voice that's gonna. If you activate him, we'll have to shoot him a tranquilizer dart.

• 8:51Griffin McElroy?

  Or for the next week, 10 days, he'll just be prattling on about all the great Boko. A budget increase from the studio is going to have to entail a bunch more people. Listening to our show and donating specifically so that we can do a whole role play where we are boat captains. Like that's a dream. Fun. That doesn't exist. That's. Well, let me ask. Yeah. Go ahead, Juice.

• 9:13Travis McElroy?

  As long as we're talking angels, I was actually thinking, are we wedded to the Justin McElroy character? We like.

• 9:20Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no. Listen, this is, we've died.

• 9:23Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 9:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I guess.

• 9:24Travis McElroy?

  I was thinking, he finally needs a romance, right?

• 9:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  He's been, we've been.

• 9:28Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 9:29Travis McElroy?

  Will they, won't they for a long time?

• 9:30Griffin McElroy?

  With his mayor, with.

• 9:32Travis McElroy?

  What if he had an angel romance?

• 9:34Griffin McElroy?

  Huh?

• 9:36Travis McElroy?

  With an angel.

• 9:37Griffin McElroy?

  Speak on that.

• 9:38Travis McElroy?

  Angel romance.

• 9:40Griffin McElroy?

  Like a vampire?

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  With him. No, she is an angel.

• 9:43Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 9:44Travis McElroy?

  Who falls in love with him because she is, he is like as close as she has seen to like an angel on earth.

• 9:52Griffin McElroy?

  Right. Yeah.

• 9:53Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Both visually and just sort of like personality wise and mentally.

• 9:57Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 9:57Travis McElroy?

  And she falls so hard that she is like. I want to make myself real.

• 10:04Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 10:05Travis McElroy?

  A real, real person.

• 10:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:08Travis McElroy?

  That I can be with.

• 10:09Griffin McElroy?

  Are you imagining Sydney's face listening? Oh, that's great. Casting. Do you have casting in mind?

• 10:17Travis McElroy?

  So this is important. This is important that Justin character is unaware of any of this taking place.

• 10:22Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, wow.

• 10:23Travis McElroy?

  The angel storyline is completely, it's just a very relatable plot.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  This is good. See Travis, this is good, cuz it's free. Yeah. It's free to say there's a horny invisible angel behind Justin at all times, just waiting. Oh, so not CGI cuz I was picturing on CGI. No, Travis, free. No. God damn it Travis. No casting, no voice acting, no, no.

• 10:44Travis McElroy?

  Any initials, if you do any initials, we probably can't. Right, CGI, no.

• 10:50Griffin McElroy?

  Now, we gotta be careful here.

• 10:51Travis McElroy?

  SAG, Travis, that's a good one, S A G, no, no after.

• 10:55Griffin McElroy?

  We can't say that though, because like, as fired up as people are about AI taking over creative jobs.

• 11:00Travis McElroy?

  No AI, can't afford it.

• 11:02Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah, but I think it may be worse to say it's not AI, but it's invisible and it's imaginary. Imagine.

• 11:09Travis McElroy?

  If Wonka can do it, you know?

• 11:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's true, that's a good point. Is there a Wonka storyline we could incorporate? Not for free. Okay. Not for free, not for no cost whatsoever. Okay. I could say, I could say, I mean, here's the extent of it, Travis, do you wanna see? And you let me know if this would be satisfying, okay? Okay. It'd be like, Justin'd be like, whoa, and you'd be like, and I'd be like,

• 11:32Griffin McElroy?

  salutations, welcome into my candy factory. And I would gesture behind me to just like my office. And I would say stuff, but it wouldn't be timely and I wouldn't do a good job with it. So like a free Wonka is not even worth the, worth the attempt. I'm, I'm not gonna say no to it. To free Wonka? Just think about it, I think it work, I think it plays. Um, the last thing I wanna ask you guys. But what if he's just all about nuts? Oh, yeah. What if he's Willy Wonka, but instead about like chocolate and candy? He's only about different kinds of. Billy Tonka, what do you think? I'm thinking of.

• 12:13Griffin McElroy?

  Nutty Wonka, and that doesn't, give me, give me two, give me two business days.

• 12:18Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 12:18Griffin McElroy?

  Give me two business days and I'll come back with something, okay?

• 12:21Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Would you guys be, would you guys be okay if I, you know, pilot season's coming up? If I submitted my resumes to some other things?

• 12:30Travis McElroy?

  Travis, you wanna look around?

• 12:31Travis McElroy?

  I mean, I'm just saying, I'm not saying I wanna leave.

• 12:34Travis McElroy?

  You think that, you think the grass is greener?

• 12:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, good luck, pal. We've been doing this for nineteen years. Pretty chilly out there.

• 12:41Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 12:41Griffin McElroy?

  I refuse, but go for it. I will say, I refuse to be the bushel under which you hide your candle.

• 12:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay, cuz if the Hank, if Hank and John want like a third brother?

• 12:51Griffin McElroy?

  We should do a switch.

• 12:54Griffin McElroy?

  We should do a swap.

• 12:56Travis McElroy?

  Hold on, hold on, now hold on. Now hold on, hold on, this is interesting.

• 13:00Travis McElroy?

  If you guys wanted to offer me more money, I'd stay, is what I was gonna, okay.

• 13:03Travis McElroy?

  Oh, was this just, you were just trying to flex on us? This is interesting now. What do we have that the Greens don't have? It occurs to me, one more brother. You know what I mean? What do they have that we don't have? Well, where do I start? You know?

• 13:19Travis McElroy?

  Respect from their colleagues?

• 13:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. I mean, where do I start? So here's what I'm saying.

• 13:27Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 13:27Travis McElroy?

  Make, make, make, Green Brothers? Make us an offer.

• 13:31Griffin McElroy?

  One for one.

• 13:33Travis McElroy?

  One, no.

• 13:34Griffin McElroy?

  A one for, one for money.

• 13:37Travis McElroy?

  No, no, something.

• 13:38Travis McElroy?

  Wait, I'm being traded now. Wait, hold on.

• 13:41Travis McElroy?

  I'm saying, it's not a, it's not a trade. It's not a trade yet.

• 13:45Travis McElroy?

  I just don't, just don't do it for like a second round draft pick.

• 13:48Griffin McElroy?

  That's what I'm saying, it's for a future. It's actually, Travis, can I tell you? We've hit our budget cap.

• 13:53Travis McElroy?

  Fuck.

• 13:54Griffin McElroy?

  And, yeah, we missed the trade deadline, so like, we gotta, we gotta, it'll be a good sweet, a sweetheart deal for those Greens.

• 14:01Travis McElroy?

  Honestly, we didn't know how to broach it with you, but when you were like, pilot season's coming up, I was like, thank God. Well, now, hold on, cuz the tradation might get, you know, maybe consider just upping the budget. I'll take the tea business and leave them the coffee. You know, what about that? How about this? The tea, the, the tea will still be for charity. That's even, they can use that if they want. And then the coffee side, pure profits.

• 14:28Travis McElroy?

  Oh, this is a literal thing about their thing. I thought that this was an extended metaphor about me that I was.

• 14:34Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no. I say we have, we have the power, the additional power of a third brother, right? That's huge for us and it's really all we have to offer, right? So like, if they've got something that where they feel, if they want to cut us in, not even cut us in, but like, I would really love like the merch biz or whatever, like.

• 14:52Griffin McElroy?

  They can drop all the lawsuits that they have against us and that.

• 14:55Travis McElroy?

  Even some of those would be so choice.

• 14:58Griffin McElroy?

  Were the ones where they're like, we're the brothers doing, doing podcast shows.

• 15:03Travis McElroy?

  They tried to copyright brothers?

• 15:04Griffin McElroy?

  They tried to copyright brothers doing podcast shows like, like last year. It's like, we've, come on guys. So like drop that.

• 15:12Travis McElroy?

  I could guess on that. I don't have to leave this show to do a crossover guest, right?

• 15:17Griffin McElroy?

  Can you imagine how disruptive you would be to the finely tuned machinery of those, of those brothers and the way that they? Maybe the third heat they need though. You could also be the sloppy wet rag thrown into the gears of the grandfather clock that is the Green Brothers. You could be the sloppy wet rag that gets all the gears all sloppy and gross and rusty.

• 15:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:39Griffin McElroy?

  And I love the, we love the sloppy rag here, Travis. I'm saying I love getting sloppy with the dog.

• 15:44Travis McElroy?

  Powdered coffee creamer cast on to the campfire that starts the forest fire that burns the whole thing down.

• 15:49Griffin McElroy?

  We're all sloppy dogs here and I love it. I'm saying if you went over there, man.

• 15:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:55Travis McElroy?

  Maybe I could.

• 15:55Travis McElroy?

  Mustard stain on the Pope's jacket.

• 15:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. As they say, maybe I could go over there and just do some like insider, like bring them down from the inside to up our.

• 16:05Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, that could be good. Hell, yeah.

• 16:06Travis McElroy?

  Oh dude.

• 16:07Griffin McElroy?

  Now we're talking storylines. Now we're talking.

• 16:10Travis McElroy?

  Now that's good shit, actually. Yeah.

• 16:12Travis McElroy?

  You could be like brother v brother. If you do that, Trav, we are perfectly willing to be like, that was the plan all along.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  Like, I'll play along with that if you want.

• 16:23Griffin McElroy?

  Can we do advice? I've been invited by a company. Sorry, I do need to stop. I need to share this with you because it's gonna be relevant if you see me on video trying to move over where my back is covered with stickers right now for an allergy test. Oh. I've got, guys, I've got- So you're allergic to stickers? I've got seventy-eight goddamn stickers on my back right now. Is that an exaggeration? No, seventy-eight. Seventy-eight big ones. Did they apply them individually? Um, no, they came in six big patches. How many of them are like Paw Patrol and- I'll show you if we blur out the video because I don't really want this. No, not, not for those back perverts. Oh my, it looks like you got a bunch of tattoos that are now covered up.

• 17:09Griffin McElroy?

  This feels like I'm in fucking Red Dragon. This feels like I'm in- No one made you do this! Well, I know- Is this what you want? I can't turn my body like this and I knew it was gonna come up.

• 17:23Griffin McElroy?

  No one would have noticed. No one would have asked. You brought it up, dude. Oh my. Fuck. Alright, now I'm so, I'm so excited to talk to you about this, Griffin. Speak on it. Yeah. Um, as you know, I have sensitive skin. I have skin sensitivities. And, um, in order to kind of get to the bottom of it, I'm doing a little bit of sort of like, looking inward and like trying to figure out what makes- At the outside of your skin? At the outside of my skin to see what I'm allergic to. Each one has a little bit of common household product stuff on them. And then they're gonna take it off, they're gonna say, "That looks fucked up." So number fourteen, what is that? Oh no, it's soap, like any soap.

• 18:06Griffin McElroy?

  Have you thought, Griffin, that maybe one of them is blank and it's a test to see if you're faking it? Maybe. I like the way it feels, if I'm being honest, I might just- The stickers? Yeah, I feel like John McClane at the end of Die Hard when he has the gun behind his back, that's basically what I'm working with. Huh. It gives me a lot of support. Yeah. Do you promise that you are going to tell us the details of this? Like are we getting to know- Yeah, Juice, I promise on the next episode, I'm going to tell everyone exactly what I'm allergic to so that they can kill me next time they see me. Nice try, no. No, Jason Mansouk just made that mistake and now he's on the run. He had to go to England to stay safe. He can't step outside without someone throwing an egg at him on the street, that people, left and right.

• 18:48Travis McElroy?

  How did you come by this sheet? Did you just see it at CVS and you're like, let's go, let's go? Yeah, I went to CVS. I said, give me the biggest, stickiest sheet you have. I would love to not- Where'd you get the sheet? I'm just curious about the sheet. I've never had one, so I'm just curious if we got the sheet. I went to a special sheet doctor. Do you think I'm freestyling this? Do you think this is a home crud? You had to wait in a waiting room and everything, right? You had to drive there, wait in the waiting room, the whole thing, right? Yeah, for this- How bad are the, like, what is happening to you? Griffin, like, what is happening to you? Can you feel, can you feel like pinpoint grid? What has been going on with your skin where you're like, I have to go through this hole? Look, man, before we can- What is happening? Before we can take any serious measures, before I can start huffing that fucking Sky Rizzi

• 19:28Travis McElroy?

  and changing my fucking biochemistry of becoming a stronger, better, more engineered brother, um, I gotta see what makes me fucking tick, dude. They don't just give Sky Rizzi to anyone, duh. These are more storylines. This is great. The Sky Rizzi art- But the Sky Rizzi's too- The Sky Rizzi is good. Sky Rizzi's too real, dude. I can't bring Sky Rizzi into the conversation. Unless they want, unless, one, I do end up taking it. Two, it does end up working. And three, they want to sponsor us. For a lot of money. You start taking the Sky Rizzi and then you become the Dovakizzi, right? And you can do all of the shouts, yeah. Yeah, fizzy Rizzi Dizzy.

• 20:07Travis McElroy?

  Did you say fizzy Rizzi Dizzy? Yeah.

• 20:12Travis McElroy?

  Eight people are bustin', bustin' up. Eight people are bustin' right now. Eight people are bustin' up! One of them's on this call. You got me. Yeah. I, uh, have been invited to, by a company to dinner to discuss a really cool project. It'd be amazing to be a part of. They are paying for the dinner. The thing is, my favorite item on the menu is quite expensive, and I don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage of the free meal. Additionally, I don't want to seem nervous by only ordering the cheap stuff. How can I find a perfect balance between seeming grateful of them paying while also being professional and cool? P.S. This is a charcuterie board restaurant. God, that's a helpful postscript. Thank you so much. That's from Troubled in the Treasured Valley.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  The the charcuterie board restaurant edition is great because it gives the context of like, hmm, I'm looking at this board hmm with some meat. But you know what? I think I, oh, I kind of want the one with a lot of meat on it.

• 21:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. If you take someone somewhere where there is a $40 slice of Iberico ham on the menu, I don't think you can get upset when they spend the $40 on the single slice of Iberico ham.

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  There is no, I mean, here's what I'll say. There is no way that you will order the charcuterie board for yourself and it will stay for yourself.

• 21:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 21:28Travis McElroy?

  Everybody's gonna want to have a polka prod.

• 21:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Travis McElroy?

  So I would maybe lay it out like this. You know, I was thinking about the charcuterie, but do any of you guys like it? Because they bring so much.

• 21:38Griffin McElroy?

  That is cool.

• 21:39Travis McElroy?

  You guys are gonna have a little bit. It's not really worth getting. And then everyone will be like, oh, you should go for it. And then as soon as they bring it, you start giving them the looks like, what do you think I don't want?

• 21:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you start scooting, scoot just slowly sectioning.

• 21:53Travis McElroy?

  Just take all the olives, putting all the olives at three o'clock.

• 21:57Griffin McElroy?

  Take this single sad apricot.

• 22:00Travis McElroy?

  You see him reaching for the honeycomb and you swat their hand away.

• 22:03Travis McElroy?

  Nah, nah.

• 22:04Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 22:04Travis McElroy?

  Not that, boy, those olives are looking good though, huh? Look at that weird spicy jelly. Ooh, wouldn't you love to have some of that weird spicy jelly?

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  Wouldn't you love a fig?

• 22:15Travis McElroy?

  A fig?

• 22:16Travis McElroy?

  What about a fig? Maybe some prosciutto?

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  I don't like any charcuterie, so like honestly, I could name the whole thing.

• 22:22Griffin McElroy?

  So wild.

• 22:23Travis McElroy?

  I'll be like, don't take the one kind of cracker I like. Please, that's all I'm eating tonight. Why did we come here?

• 22:30Travis McElroy?

  You could always do the like, oh, I'm torn, I'm torn between, I can't, I want this, but I don't know. And let them tell you to do it.

• 22:39Griffin McElroy?

  Give them, they give you permission to get them.

• 22:41Travis McElroy?

  That's the unspoken, right? Like if you take someone to dinner and they're like, oh, you know, I immediately, uh, you know, the, the porterhouse grabbed me. But I don't know, man, maybe I need like a, and they'll be like, oh, you should get it. And then. You're saying like, open, you're saying like, have an opening offer that's higher than settle back that like have an opening bid that's like way at the top.

• 23:07Griffin McElroy?

  He was suggesting like, I want to get this, but I don't know and get, let them give you permission. I do like that move, Justin, though, of like, I'll take, um, should I get a hundred slices of the A5 Wagyu beef? Uh, nah, I'll just get this other still pretty expensive thing instead.

• 23:23Travis McElroy?

  But they have clarified it is the most expensive thing on the menu. That's tough. Oh, you could also point it out like it's a rare get like, oh, man, I can't believe they have this. Did you guys see they have this on the menu?

• 23:34Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, holy shit. They have pate here. We gotta, they don't just make this anywhere, man.

• 23:39Travis McElroy?

  They sell it by the pounds? That's wild.

• 23:41Griffin McElroy?

  A pound of pate from, just for me? Damn.

• 23:45Travis McElroy?

  I've never had it. My grandfather used to talk about it all the time. I've never seen it on your menu. He used to, he said he loved it more than my grandmama. And then let them say it. Let's all try it.

• 23:55Griffin McElroy?

  We, we pretty famously have been pretty hot on charcuterie in recent years. And I just want to update sort of my feelings about it publicly.

• 24:06Travis McElroy?

  I bet everyone was wondering.

• 24:07Griffin McElroy?

  I think though, I really feel like the worm has turned for me on charcuterie. I no longer know, I no longer know where it fits into a meal. Um, I no longer know, I don't understand how to effortlessly slide it in between a salad course and, um, you know, the sandwich that I ordered, just in the face you're making right now.

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  No, I think it's interesting because, uh, we have had a pivot in my house to where the only thing Sydney eats is charcuterie.

• 24:37Griffin McElroy?

  So that's interesting. I noticed that while we were there.

• 24:40Travis McElroy?

  Did you notice that?

• 24:41Griffin McElroy?

  I noticed you put out a charcuterie board while we were there and I was like, that's crazy.

• 24:45Travis McElroy?

  And I just keep a charcuterie board out for pretty much all the time. And she's a lot, a lot happier, I will say, as long as I have some charcute within reach. I'll go right down the middle and say that I'm now at a place where the problem is, I don't know what's coming. I order, it used to be you order a charcuterie at a restaurant, you're getting a fancy board. Now they say like charcuterie and it comes and it's just like a grown up lunchable.

• 25:07Griffin McElroy?

  It's a pizza.

• 25:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, sometimes you're at a restaurant and your brother orders charcuterie as an appetizer and then it comes and it's 80 different types of bad pickles and then everyone's sad. Some people like pickles and olives and funky pickles. Okay. The cheese. What are you trying to prove with that funky cheese, everybody? Come on. That's the part that makes me feel like I'm right. It pairs with things. The old jock strap. I know, but like. You eat the funky pickle, you eat the stinky cheese with the honeycomb. Right, but here's what I'm saying, if you can accept, people give me a hard time for the raw cheese thing, right? But if you look way down at the other end of the tunnel. Yeah.

• 25:49Travis McElroy?

  You see people eating some funky cheese, like some really truly decrepit shit. That that would really turn a lot of, you know that if you go way down the pipeline, it gets funky and bad, right? Can we agree this? Yeah, but Justin. I don't do, let him finish, let him finish. If we know that the end of the tunnel is sin. Yeah. Is distance from that sin not a virtue? Wow. Wow, Justin. That's cool, man. Powerful, powerful. Let me tell you how I live my life, Justin. I think that I would be a person who would just absolutely went ham for cocaine. But I don't do cocaine, it would be very bad for me, right?

• 26:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, we've all had that thought of like, oh. It would be a huge brand shift. Yes, it would be huge for any of us, it would be so, so bad. A, a brief golden era for my brother, my brother and me, to be sure, but, but. So brief. We would never, we would never. Must make this clear, we would never, not our, not our thing, not our brand. It would be a killer, I mean, six, we're like, killer material. Episodes, whoa. Whoa.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  But the problem is, Justin, I don't do that.

• 27:07Griffin McElroy?

  It would be unlistenable.

• 27:09Travis McElroy?

  No, unlistenable. If you would have to play it at .75 speed to understand a word we were saying.

• 27:16Griffin McElroy?

  We would interrupt each other so much that there would be four voices talking at once sometimes. It would be, we would be Thruvian throat singing to interrupt each other.

• 27:27Travis McElroy?

  Me and the rest of the ghost hunters have isolated this one. This one man is just yelling about horses. Who is this man?

• 27:35Travis McElroy?

  But my point being, yeah, I can't live a fully clean lifestyle. I know, I don't have that kind of self-control. So I must do things like eat funky stinky cheese.

• 27:46Griffin McElroy?

  They should let the evil to, to deal with your passenger.

• 27:49Travis McElroy?

  To let that dog out. You know what I mean?

• 27:53Griffin McElroy?

  I would be less worried about ordering a too expensive charcuterie board and way more stressed out about properly eating it. And doing all the right combos and all the right pairings and, um, you know, not focus. Sometimes you go too hard on like one of the meat types and you fully, fully finish it before anyone's touched the other meats. And you feel so self-conscious about that.

• 28:18Travis McElroy?

  Yes. That's why you have to shuffle it together like a big sandwich like they do in Scooby Doo or Dagwood.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  Well, make them do that for me. Let, make the restaurant to, bring it to, bring me a charcuterie board that you've done like nachos.

• 28:30Travis McElroy?

  That's nachos, though.

• 28:32Travis McElroy?

  That's nachos.

• 28:33Travis McElroy?

  What they should do is bring it to you laid out like Candy Land where you follow the path, adding the pieces together as you go. You get a line of stuff organized in a way of just like, yeah, just keep going down the line, eating these together.

• 28:45Griffin McElroy?

  Give it to me on like a ski, a long.

• 28:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, a luge, a charcuterie luge.

• 28:50Griffin McElroy?

  A char, a char, charlousery. And I will shoot it down like I'm at a, like I'm at a frat party.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  Give me an illusery charcusery.

• 28:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man, just for me. We need to go to the, should we go to the money zone?

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, let's go to the money zone.

• 29:15Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace is completely unaffiliated with anything we were just talking about. I cannot stress that enough. They have nothing to do with anything that might have happened previously.

• 29:25Griffin McElroy?

  It actually says here, first thing in the ad.

• 29:26Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, guys, that was pre-recorded. That's a pre-recorded thing we play before every Squarespace ad. They've asked us to start including that before.

• 29:35Griffin McElroy?

  They asked, do you guys?

• 29:36Travis McElroy?

  Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, a paid professional endorser for Squarespace.

• 29:40Griffin McElroy?

  They were like, do you guys do pre-roll so we stop coming in hot on the heels of your fully-throated cocaine endorsement?

• 29:48Travis McElroy?

  Here's what I'll say about, can I say something serious about Squarespace? They are probably our longest advertiser. They've been with us the longest.

• 29:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:54Travis McElroy?

  And here's what I'll say about Squarespace. A lot of companies will tell you what they want you to say. And we've been working with Squarespace so long that I shit you not, it's just a big list of don'ts.

• 30:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:05Travis McElroy?

  Like, we don't, they don't have something they want us to do. It's just a big list of things they don't want us to do. And that's great. This might be a fit for us. It's a bit of a niche reference, but I think they're like the Oliver Platt to our bear restaurant. Like, they're our uncle who shows up like, guys, you know, I love you. You know, I love you. You've gotta stop. You got to. Listen, what they do do is they make it really easy to build a website.

• 30:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 30:27Travis McElroy?

  And, you know, I would even say, kind of fun, if you wanted to make a little project, a little micro thing, just to entertain yourself, get a dream going, just something to noodle with an idea you've had, a website is a great place to start, if only just like to organize your thoughts. I've used Squarespace to build websites for a few different things, and I have had a really enjoyable time making the site. And they have these templates that are made by people who really know what they're doing. You pull those in, you pull in your own photos, your own texts, you can sell your own stuff, you can do whatever you would like with a Squarespace website. It's really powerful, even though it's really easy to make. So, head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial.

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 31:17Travis McElroy?

  If there's one thing about me that everyone knows is that I am financially responsible.

• 31:21Griffin McElroy?

  You are not. That is why you need to use Rocket Money.

• 31:24Travis McElroy?

  No, I am now because I use Rocket Money.

• 31:27Griffin McElroy?

  That's interesting. That's a really positive. That's, I guess, using Rocket Money does make you fiscally responsible, but also Rocket Money is the thing you use when you are not particularly fiscally responsible. Cause they handle a lot of the heavy lifting.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but if I got a bionic enhancement to make my arms stronger, Griffin, I would say, I'm strong now. You wouldn't be like, no, your bionic enhancement is strong.

• 31:48Griffin McElroy?

  That's a good point, Travis.

• 31:49Travis McElroy?

  Rocket Money is a bionic enhancement for fiscal responsibility.

• 31:53Griffin McElroy?

  It's a bionic enhancement. It's an implant in your brain that says like, hey, you forgot to unsubscribe to Super Slime Maker 3D free, free light version. The subscription you did.

• 32:05Travis McElroy?

  Adults only.

• 32:06Griffin McElroy?

  Adults only. And it was like three day free trial and you're like, I'll remember. And you don't fucking remember. And then you've been paying $69.99 a month for free Slime Maker light version. Um, Rocket Money is an implant in your brain that says, hey, cut that out. Start saving lots of money. I genuinely have used it so many times that every time, genuinely every time, it's caught some shit. Whether it's an MMORPG I haven't played in a year and a half, or, uh, most of the time though, it is slime apps for the kids.

• 32:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And you know, the good thing about Rocket Money is they don't tell your friends. They don't tell your friends if you do dumb stuff. That's not part of the service.

• 32:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:43Travis McElroy?

  Very discreet.

• 32:44Griffin McElroy?

  They've got, they've got five million members who've saved over a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Members saving, uh, up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash mybrother today. That's rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. Rocketmoney.com slash mybrother.

• 33:06Travis McElroy?

  Rocket Money. Elite, discreet, so sweet.

• 33:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's gotta be a tagline for something else.

• 33:14Travis McElroy?

  That's probably true. Yeah.

• 33:15Griffin McElroy?

  That they maybe don't wanna take.

• 33:23Speaker 04

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• 33:27Speaker 04

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• 33:28Speaker 05

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• 33:33Speaker 04

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• 33:52Speaker 05

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• 33:59Speaker 05

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• 34:02Speaker 04

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• 34:08Speaker 06

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• 34:53Travis McElroy?

  I recently drove past a local barber shop and noticed something cool. The barber shop has an original Donkey Kong arcade machine, a good old classic. I want nothing more than to get my hands on that arcade machine, just to play a few rounds and maybe even get on that high scoreboard. However, I am bald. I do not need haircuts, and I do not need beard management. How does a bald man with a well-kept beard get into a barber shop to play some Donkey Kong? That's from Desperate Kong.

• 35:22Travis McElroy?

  Well, there's always massage, but what's the problem with that? Maybe your barber doesn't do massage. And if you ask a barber that doesn't do massage for a massage?

• 35:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Travis McElroy?

  I think you'll be escorted from the premise.

• 35:36Griffin McElroy?

  Sometime, sometime I'll be on YouTube and the algo will be like, I got some new ASMR stuff for you. It is an elderly man on the streets of Pakistan and he is doing this to a guy.

• 35:52Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:53Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking slapping the shit out of his head and

• 35:55Travis McElroy?

  Slapping his head.

• 35:56Griffin McElroy?

  Grabbing his ears and just fucking pulling his ears as hard as he can. And you see it and you're like, that looks chill, actually. I don't, I don't know where one can request that particular. I don't think you can go to your, your normal everyday cutter of hair and say like slap my fucking scalp 20 times and pull my ears till they make noise.

• 36:18Travis McElroy?

  Well, what you have to do is when the barber says, what are we doing today? You pull up that full video and say this?

• 36:23Griffin McElroy?

  Video and you say, you're gonna jerk my neck to the side so hard. I'm gonna go limp for a minute and a half. That's what you're gonna do. And also I'm thinking like a size four guard clippers around the sides and fade it up into the top, please. Thank you.

• 36:39Travis McElroy?

  I feel like if I'm reading between the lines here, there's something this person is not saying to us. Okay. So they want to go in and look at the donkey card arcade machine.

• 36:48Griffin McElroy?

  And they say, play, play.

• 36:49Travis McElroy?

  They want to say, like, if they were to go in and say, hey, I'm a big fan. You, you care if I play a few rounds? They'd be like, did you bring quarters? Like, absolutely. That's a profit center for us. Thank you so much. That's not what this, it's the part where he says, and maybe get on a high scoreboard. Uh oh, wait a minute, how long? Maybe you're gonna be there a little while, huh, pal? Maybe it's not just you want to go in and play a few rounds. Maybe they're gonna have to start explaining to people why the bald man in the corner keeps shouting fuck every 30 seconds.

• 37:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, this is not a, this is not a, you're saying that you're looking for a new home for your hobby.

• 37:27Travis McElroy?

  Yes, right. This is not a casual, this is not someone who wants to duck in. Cause you, it is not odd to go in and play a few rounds. It is odd to be like, well, we're closing up shop for the day, sir. Did you need something?

• 37:39Travis McElroy?

  What time do you open tomorrow? You could get your eyebrows shaped.

• 37:43Griffin McElroy?

  I love a good eyebrow shaping.

• 37:45Travis McElroy?

  Say like hey.

• 37:46Travis McElroy?

  They polish. You can get polishing services, right?

• 37:48Griffin McElroy?

  They do all kinds of stuff there, man.

• 37:50Travis McElroy?

  Maybe start going in with different designs of beards from the Hunger Games movies. And just like, give me one of these.

• 37:57Griffin McElroy?

  That's good.

• 37:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:59Travis McElroy?

  Could you go in, listen? Could you go in when it's busy? Really busy? With a toupee, okay? And you put your name in, okay?

• 38:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:11Travis McElroy?

  And then there's like a long wait, right?

• 38:14Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 38:14Travis McElroy?

  So you're just kicking it, playing all the con you want.

• 38:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:19Travis McElroy?

  And then they say your name and you got a choice. At that point, you can A, let them cut your toupee.

• 38:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:26Travis McElroy?

  I don't think that's a good idea. They're gonna be, that, you could throw the toupee on the ground, say never again.

• 38:31Griffin McElroy?

  Say gotcha.

• 38:31Travis McElroy?

  Bust out the door.

• 38:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:32Travis McElroy?

  But then you got you. Grab your toupee like you're really mad at the long wait.

• 38:38Griffin McElroy?

  Pull your own hair out.

• 38:40Travis McElroy?

  Oh, you could do that. Get Huffy, be like, I'll come back when you're less busy.

• 38:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 38:46Travis McElroy?

  That's the voice you have.

• 38:47Griffin McElroy?

  And they'll be like, we're ready for you now. And it's like.

• 38:49Travis McElroy?

  And it's the principal. And then you start throwing barrels.

• 38:53Travis McElroy?

  I have to get back to my wife's office.

• 38:55Griffin McElroy?

  What do you do?

• 38:56Travis McElroy?

  Lunch in my trunk.

• 38:57Griffin McElroy?

  What, I gotta ask you, you're on the run of your life. You're about to hit that fucking Billy Mitchell kill screen. You are about to make history and then they call, and then they call your name. You can't be like.

• 39:09Travis McElroy?

  Just shut up.

• 39:12Griffin McElroy?

  Shut up. I need an hour and a half. I'm getting so close to Billy Mitchell's kill screen.

• 39:17Travis McElroy?

  Now, hold on, wait. If no one clocked you, write your name down. If no one clocked that. And when they call your name, you can just look around like, huh, nobody? Okay.

• 39:28Griffin McElroy?

  Weird.

• 39:28Travis McElroy?

  It says, uh, Mr. Conkey Dong? Is there a Mr. Conkey Dong here?

• 39:33Travis McElroy?

  And then as, like about 45 minutes in, maybe you start giving like perfunctory like. Huh, oh man, so wait's really getting out of hand.

• 39:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:42Travis McElroy?

  Hey, do you guys think?

• 39:44Travis McElroy?

  On the opposite end of this question, if, when you own a barber shop and you think about getting a Donkey Kong arcade game, that you have like this conversation on the other side with anyone else that you're like, okay, but here's my one concern if we get the game.

• 39:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:00Travis McElroy?

  That someone's gonna come in, they're bald, neatly trimmed beard, they're gonna wanna play the game for hours. What do we do then?

• 40:08Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, my bigger concern as a stylist at this salon would be that I don't wanna hear every 20 seconds.

• 40:18Griffin McElroy?

  I don't wanna hear.

• 40:21Griffin McElroy?

  I don't wanna hear that fucking a million billion times a day while I'm just trying to do my craft.

• 40:26Travis McElroy?

  That's a very, that's a good point, actually. It must make a lot of money, cuz otherwise it's the novelty.

• 40:31Griffin McElroy?

  I love this man. I love this big gorilla. I love Mario and I love the way he jumps. That's not the golden era for hearable sounds. And so I don't want that. And give me a, now listen.

• 40:48Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking ripped, man. They had a Daytona USA machine at Huntington High School and you could hear that shit from the cafeteria and it was such a cool learning environment.

• 40:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that, yeah, just when you thought the, the wait for lunch couldn't be anywhere intolerable, you got the siren song.

• 41:07Griffin McElroy?

  And also, there was a loose ground wire on the machine, so if you touched the right bolt on it, it would electrocute you, which was also a lot of fun when you were bored at lunchtime and you didn't have quarters.

• 41:18Travis McElroy?

  Let's go away.

• 41:23Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that was effortless.

• 41:29Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch.

• 41:38Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad, podcast of the podcast, profiling latest and greatest in brand eating. Today I have kind of a, an A, B testing thing for you guys. I do a lot, we do a lot of upbeat, feel-good stories on the Munch Squad and I would just. Uh, yeah, that's mainly what we do here. It's a feel-good thing. And I just wanted to share with you guys two stories. And I would love to know which one makes you feel the worst.

• 42:04Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 42:05Travis McElroy?

  Both emotionally, physically, which one makes you feel worse? Great.

• 42:09Travis McElroy?

  I should warn you, Justin, this is one of my biggest anxiety triggers, like when I'm at the optometrist and they're like one or two, where I start second guessing myself so hard every time.

• 42:20Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think this is gonna be like that.

• 42:22Travis McElroy?

  Let me say this, it's a loose structure.

• 42:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:23Travis McElroy?

  About that, not really that important.

• 42:25Travis McElroy?

  But this isn't gonna change the way I see forever or whatever, or if I get it wrong?

• 42:29Griffin McElroy?

  You're not gonna get this question wrong and then have headaches forever.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  Okay, cool, man.

• 42:32Griffin McElroy?

  It is a high stakes game, Travis. As a fellow glasses.

• 42:34Travis McElroy?

  First up, can you guys see?

• 42:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  Smoothie King introduces new Fiber Maxing Smoothie to support wellness goals. Look at this, guys. Just see, this, how would you describe the shake that you're looking at right now?

• 42:50Griffin McElroy?

  I would describe, I would describe it

• 42:52Travis McElroy?

  It's a lossful!

• 42:53Griffin McElroy?

  As a Grimace Shake that has been whipped to stiff peaks.

• 42:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, a Grimace Shake who decided to like, now that Debbie's left me, I'm gonna get back, I'm gonna get a body that makes Debbie sad that she loves me.

• 43:07Travis McElroy?

  There's a measuring cup in front of it with something that's supposed to stand in for, I guess,

• 43:12Griffin McElroy?

  Fiber.

• 43:13Travis McElroy?

  Pure psyllium husk fiber, fiber. And then if that is at scale, the cup behind it is roughly two feet tall.

• 43:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. Yeah, you'll be maxing your fiber for sure.

• 43:24Travis McElroy?

  What's great too is on, on this page, they have in that image four blueberries and what looks to be a gallon of fiber. As if to say like, we wanna let you know what you're gonna be tasting when you drink this drink. It's gonna be like a fiber factory that looked at some blueberries earlier. Enjoy.

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  Prepare for a really sinister adjective in this opener. Smoothie King announced the launch of its new Fiber Maxing Smoothie. A functional offering designed to support gut health and meet the growing demand for the wellness-forward food choices. It's a fu- hey, guys, this is a functional. Offering.

• 44:04Travis McElroy?

  This is an offering that does something.

• 44:07Griffin McElroy?

  You're not getting it for the flavor. You're not getting it for the mouth feel.

• 44:11Travis McElroy?

  Right. This is a you. This is a you. This is a hardware store. Now you buy this to do something. This is as a as an active food.

• 44:19Travis McElroy?

  Am I? Can I ask you guys, does it bother you as much as it's bothering me that there's only two X's in fiber maxing?

• 44:26Griffin McElroy?

  It does feel like they've taken a middle.

• 44:28Travis McElroy?

  If you do three, it's porno.

• 44:30Travis McElroy?

  Yes, but.

• 44:30Griffin McElroy?

  If you do one, it's not.

• 44:32Travis McElroy?

  Would it be amazing at that point? Like, I just feel like it should be one X.

• 44:36Travis McElroy?

  Intentionally increase, uh, inspired by the rising wellness trend of fiber maxing, intentionally increasing daily fiber intake to reach the recommended 25 to 38 grams per day.

• 44:47Travis McElroy?

  For the powerful shit.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  I guess. Yeah. Uh, the fiber maxing smoothie delivers a powerful 16 grams of fiber in 20 ounce serving, providing over half the recommended daily.

• 44:59Griffin McElroy?

  You're telling me I gotta drink two of these fucking things to even make it work anymore, dude?

• 45:04Travis McElroy?

  Can you imagine drinking one of these and be like, nope, didn't quite hit my fiber goals for the day? Hey, I'm just throwing this out. Do you think it's possible that when people are like, hey, here's the daily goal of fiber and everyone's like, I have to work so hard to hit that?

• 45:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:20Travis McElroy?

  Maybe it's not a reasonable goal.

• 45:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. I've been banging this drum for a while, Trav. If you put the correct amount of Metamucil in there, it becomes a sort of citric oatmeal and it's not, it's no good.

• 45:35Travis McElroy?

  If in order to get the amount of fiber my body needs, I have to do something called fiber maxing? I have a real issue with the whole process.

• 45:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Uh, okay. So, uh, just lastly, uh, some ingredients. It's crafted with a nutrient blend, uh, of wild blueberries, peanut butter, dates, bananas, almonds, organic spinach.

• 45:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Travis McElroy?

  And I guess they can afford to use wild blueberries if they're only doing four, they just go out back and grab them whenever they make one of these guys.

• 46:05Travis McElroy?

  They do throw it, throw in at the end of that list of ingredients, added fiber.

• 46:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. No kidding, man.

• 46:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. The smoothie is lightly sweetened with plant-based stevia for a naturally delicious taste. Hey, why don't you go ahead and use a heavy hand on that? Like, you know what I mean? Like, how about you not? We got a lot of fiber to mask, right? How about we go ahead and?

• 46:25Travis McElroy?

  You gave me a chunky, salty drink. How about you give me plenty of sugar in there?

• 46:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:31Travis McElroy?

  You've given me like the Mississippi Delta of drinks.

• 46:35Griffin McElroy?

  Purple coal slurry. Yum, yum, yum, yum.

• 46:37Travis McElroy?

  And now it's time, now it's a la- next up for the B segment. I have a donut story that was too sad to tell Count Donut about.

• 46:47Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, good.

• 46:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Krispy Kreme invites fans to experience a taste of the sweet life with all new Passport to Italy Donuts.

• 46:59Travis McElroy?

  Huh? Cool.

• 47:02Travis McElroy?

  Hang in there, guys. Krispy Kreme is helping fans transport to La Dolce Vita this summer.

• 47:11Travis McElroy?

  Fuck!

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  I told myself I'm gonna do this because I feel like I'm putting my hand on the scale. To La Dolce Vita this summer with its all new Passport to Italy Collection, a sweet escape to Italy's vibrant desserts and culture.

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  And culture, huh? You're getting the culture in there.

• 47:26Travis McElroy?

  And the culture of Italy so much.

• 47:27Griffin McElroy?

  The culture up in there, cool, cool, cool.

• 47:29Travis McElroy?

  They said culture. And they said, they wrote it.

• 47:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:33Travis McElroy?

  You know?

• 47:34Travis McElroy?

  What it, they should have put that in quotes.

• 47:37Travis McElroy?

  Culture. Available beginning today for a limited time at participating Krispy Kreme shops across the US. Krispy Kreme's Passport to Italy Collection features three of Italy's most iconic desserts reimagined as irresistible donuts. Including the cannoli-inspired donut.

• 47:57Travis McElroy?

  It's an unglazed ringed donut, half dipped in chocolate icing and cookie crunch, dusted with powdered coating and topped with cannoli flavored buttercream dollop.

• 48:06Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 48:07Travis McElroy?

  I'm, I'm looking at these, there are places all over.

• 48:11Griffin McElroy?

  How are you looking at these? Because Justin didn't give us a picture. Did you search these?

• 48:14Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm looking at the list of them. I'm saying that there are places all over the US of A where you can buy a cannoli.

• 48:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:23Travis McElroy?

  Where you can buy a tiramisu.

• 48:26Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 48:26Travis McElroy?

  These are not unreachable. Like, these are not unattainable flavors.

• 48:31Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe those places can give you the cuisine of Italy, Travis.

• 48:35Travis McElroy?

  Right, but are they giving you the culture?

• 48:37Griffin McElroy?

  It's about the culture.

• 48:39Travis McElroy?

  Holy shit, one of these donuts has a little Italy flag on it and that's maybe.

• 48:42Griffin McElroy?

  I asked you not to get ahead of me.

• 48:44Travis McElroy?

  Okay, thank you, sorry.

• 48:46Travis McElroy?

  The Lamone Delight Donut, an unglazed shell donut filled with lemon delight flavored cream, cream dipped in zesty lemon flavored icing and topped with candied lemon.

• 48:58Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking wood. Yes.

• 48:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Tiramisu inspired donuts and unglazed shell donut filled with tiramisu flavored cream topped with sweet buttercream dusted with cocoa.

• 49:07Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, these all sound pretty fucking good, actually.

• 49:09Travis McElroy?

  Of course they do. They're pre-existing desserts that are great. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, this quote, "This summer Krispy Kreme is transporting you to Italy Sweet Life. No passport required," said not Dave Skinner, but Allison Holder, Krispy Kreme Chief Brand and Product Officer. They wouldn't even get Dave out of storage for this one.

• 49:34Griffin McElroy?

  They only get Dave out for the nasty shit.

• 49:36Travis McElroy?

  Wouldn't it be wild if a passport was required?

• 49:45Travis McElroy?

  Pre if you've been to Italy, because otherwise these flavors. Yeah, of course. Just scan your passport face down, right there on the glass. Yeah. Oh, you've never been to Italy? Sure, I'll sell you this tiramisu inspired donut if you want to go fucking insane.

• 50:05Griffin McElroy?

  Your mouth couldn't handle this without the correct documentation.

• 50:08Travis McElroy?

  You'll spit it on the ground. Oh, sorry. She continues, "There's a taste of Italy's sweetest dessert traditions in every bite of our Passport to Italy Donuts, from tiramisu to cannoli to lemon dipped, dusted, and drizzled to perfection."

• 50:26Griffin McElroy?

  The commercial is this. A customer walks up to the counter, buys a box of these Passport to Italy donuts, goes to lift it to their mouth. Fucking a haggard Diane Lane runs up and slaps it out of their hand and says, "You're not, you're not fucking ready for this shit. Unless you've walked beneath that Tuscan sun, you, you can't even fathom the depths of these flavors."

• 50:48Travis McElroy?

  I'm picturing Justin, one of our listeners, who turns out to be like a big head honcho in Italy, listening to this segment right now with their hand hovering over a big button that just says "War."

• 51:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:03Travis McElroy?

  Well, this is, uh, these are out now. You can buy them off Krispy Kreme's app or website individually and by the dozen.

• 51:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. One of the two products that you brought today, Juice, would put me in the bathroom for two calendar days.

• 51:18Travis McElroy?

  Griffin's been fiber minning his whole life. He's not ready.

• 51:24Griffin McElroy?

  I've actually made a pledge by 2027 to be perfectly fiber neutral. Um, and I hope that, I hope you two will consider joining me.

• 51:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, actually, for, for every amount of fiber, I go over the limit. Griffin actually gets, um, a certificate that lets him go under and it bounces out and backwards and forward.

• 51:43Griffin McElroy?

  I produce 10 times more fiber than I consume.

• 51:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:47Travis McElroy?

  Guys, do you want to know the worst thing about me? And I know everybody is always too hard on themselves, I guess, and I'm no exception, but the worst thing about me, well, it's top 20, is, uh, I'm sitting here thinking like,

• 52:01Travis McElroy?

  maybe not enough fiber is the problem. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sitting here thinking like,

• 52:05Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  maybe I should be getting more fiber. You know, like, we're all having a lot of fun here, but I'm sitting here, like, in my head, there's, like, most of it show, and then there's, like, 10% that's like,

• 52:14Griffin McElroy?

  I hate when that 10% is like,

• 52:15Travis McElroy?

  30 grams of fiber?

• 52:17Travis McElroy?

  That's called capitalism, where you've been programmed, you've been programmed to think that buying something will make you feel better.

• 52:24Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah, it's, I think fiber is a big capital.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  That's what, that's why we do it, though, right? That's what the whole,

• 52:29Travis McElroy?

  That's why they up, they keep upping the fiber, sell us the fiber, big fibers out here.

• 52:34Griffin McElroy?

  Juice, can I invite you to come with me on my journey of self-discovery to learn what makes your body tick by covering your back with 78 really annoying little stickers? And then one of them will come off and they'll be like, yeah, man, it's your potassium levels. And then you take a potassium supplement and then you're back at fucking 100%.

• 52:53Travis McElroy?

  Wait, you could do that? Cause that's all I want. When you see in like a sci-fi movie and someone gets scanned and they're like, we've scanned everything.

• 53:00Griffin McElroy?

  We don't have that technology, you know? We do have 78 stickers to let you know which detergents you shouldn't use. Don't mind if I do.

• 53:06Travis McElroy?

  If I get this test done, I assume I am legally required to tell my brothers during a podcast recording about it.

• 53:12Travis McElroy?

  Correct. Just like a vasectomy. It's vasectomy and stickers.

• 53:16Griffin McElroy?

  Anytime any of us gets any kind of biomods, any kind of synth hacks, any kind of Augs, uh, I do think we should be transparent about it with each other and our listeners.

• 53:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, uh, okay. Well, then, fine. Just before we close here, um, my hemorrhoids got so bad that I went to get medicine. And then when I picked up the medicine, they said they're a dollar a piece. Do you want all 10?

• 53:48Travis McElroy?

  Huh?

• 53:48Travis McElroy?

  And I said, yeah, sure. Right? So then I got home and I looked at the shape of the medicine. And then I realized that it wasn't mouth medicine.

• 53:57Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 53:58Travis McElroy?

  And, and ever since then, I real, ever since I got that container, I've spent most of my time just kind of like slowly walking around and looking at the distance contemplatively, trying to weigh the various costs. You know what I mean? Like thinking about how much relief is worth to me.

• 54:12Travis McElroy?

  Not the cost of a dollar a pill.

• 54:15Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 54:15Travis McElroy?

  For the cost of a dollar a pill. We could put a suppository in Justin's butt. With your support in the Max Fun Drive, we could put a suppository for just a dollar a day.

• 54:27Travis McElroy?

  That's why, that's why the thing my kids have heard me say the most this week of, has been, ah, nothing, sweetie, just thinking.

• 54:39Travis McElroy?

  Was I crying, babe? Hold on. Let me dry those tears, baby. No, I, it's just allergies. Yeah, Uncle Griffin did. All, all 78 turn red, babe. That's what they told.

• 54:48Travis McElroy?

  He's allergic to everything. It turns out all of his allergies have been like awkwardly leaning against each other to hold him up this whole time. A mesh, a mesh of allergies.

• 54:59Travis McElroy?

  Thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. We really appreciate you. Every week come in to listen to us and hang out with us and we hope you have fun.

• 55:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 55:09Travis McElroy?

  Thanks. Thanks.

• 55:10Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can I tell you, I'm very excited. Coming up, we're going to be in Atlanta for Dragon Con, which I'm excited about because I love Dragon Con, and we're going to be doing live shows there, doing my brother, my brother and me and Adventure Zone versus Popeye at our Adventure Zone live show. Um, I predict might be our stupidest Adventure Zone versus live show yet. You can't even possibly predict that. They've all been pretty silly. I'm just saying everyone should be there because it's gonna be something. It's gonna be something.

• 55:44Griffin McElroy?

  How do I get tickets to those, to that show in the Bim Bam? And also the shows we have coming up in Texas, Utah and California? Travis?

• 55:51Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, you don't have to get tickets.

• 55:53Griffin McElroy?

  Spit.ly/macaroytours, you are too slow. We have merch up at the merch store over at macaroymerch.com. I'm talking about a keep your grades up pin and the flaming, not poisoning raging tea of doom, which are back in stock. That's fucking amazing news. This tea is so fantastic, guys. The pin is wonderful, too, but I drank buckets of this stuff and it's a yummy way to wind down at the end of the day.

• 56:20Travis McElroy?

  Also, I want to let you know we're doing a back to school sale with select items up to 40% off and we have three different back to school bundles that are on sale. So go check those out and you get a free mystery pin with purchase of $30 or more with 10% of all merch proceeds to this month going to World Central Kitchen.

• 56:36Griffin McElroy?

  So again, that's macaroymerch.com. And thanks to Montane for these for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." Check out Montane's new album, It's Hard To Be A Fish. If you like good music that makes you feel good and feel cool listening to it.

• 56:51Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Justin, would you read our fear this week?

• 56:54Travis McElroy?

  I'd be happy to. This year, I will be faster than my fear of the Goodyear blimps.

• 56:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:00Travis McElroy?

  To the point. I'm Justin McElroy.

• 57:02Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 57:03Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 57:04Travis McElroy?

  Just be my brother, my brother, may kiss your dad. Square on the left.