Live from Johannesburg: The Moth Radio Hour

In this hour, we bring you to Johannesburg for a special live edition of The Moth Radio Hour. Stories of invention, beauty pageants in the time of Nelson Mandela, and finding balance. This episode is hosted by Moth Executive Producer, Sarah Austin Jenness, with additional live hosting by Lebo Mashile. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by The Moth and Jay Allison of Atlantic Public Media. Storytellers: Brian Turyabagye tries to have his cake and eat it too. Lebo Mogashoa is determined to become Mr. South Africa. Lisa Muchoki realizes the true dangers of her job. Podcast # 999

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:13Sarah Austin Jenness?

  This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Sarah Austin Jenness.

• 0:19Sarah Austin Jenness?

  This episode was recorded live in Johannesburg. The theme of the show was "We Rise", with storytellers from Uganda, South Africa, Kenya, and Nigeria. The Johannesburg audience, as you'll hear, is one of the liveliest we've had. Johannesburg Moth shows are sold out and standing room only. And that's because of our friend, publicist, fashion designer, DJ, style icon, who knew absolutely everyone, Maria McCloy. Maria passed away shortly after this event, and this episode is dedicated to her memory. Thank you for everything, Maria.

• 0:56Sarah Austin Jenness?

  So, live at the University of Johannesburg, here's our host, poet, playwright, artist, maker, and one of Maria McCloy's dearest friends, Lebo Mashila.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Thank you so much. A very good evening to you, ladies and gentlemen, dais and dames. Welcome to the Moth in Johannesburg.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  It is my pleasure and honor to be your host once again. My name is Lebo Mashila. I've been entrusted with the wonderful responsibility of helping all of us navigate these waters tonight. You sold out this show in record time. How good.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Tonight's theme is "We Rise", and we have storytellers from across our beautiful continent. We are here because we believe in the transformative power of storytelling. We believe that we will be injected with hope and inspiration and the fuel that we need to go on and do the things that we've got to do with our lives tonight. So are you ready to get started?

• 2:21Speaker 01

  I asked each of our storytellers one question. We can all fall down. Everybody does. But what is one thing that you need in your toolbox to stand up, to rise up? When I asked our first storyteller, who comes all the way from Uganda.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  I asked him, "We can all fall down, but what's one thing you need in your toolbox to rise up?" And Brian Turiabaje answered, "WiFi." Please give it up for Brian Turiabaje.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  So in Uganda, when a girl is about to get married, the bride's family normally have what they call the giveaway ceremony, where they formally hand her over to the groom's family. And this is normally followed by the wedding ceremony, like after a week or so. So my sister's wedding was the one big function we're holding at home in over 30 years. And me being the little brother, the whole event felt so emotional for me, as it brought back all the little childhood memories, like how she just bossed me around and I pretended not to care.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  At that time, I was 25 and I was fresh off quitting my banking job, dead set on becoming an entrepreneur. My dad was already on the edge. First of all, between the giveaway ceremony, the wedding logistics, and now his son willing walking away from a job, which had just tripled his salary. To me, it was like watching someone sell a luxury car for a wheelbarrow and just smile about it.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Former employment was his love language.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  So at that point, when I told him I was quitting my job, the whole thing felt like I was drowning a cow.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  But deep down, I wasn't just being dramatic. Pneumonia is a disease which kills over 1 million children every year, and most of these in low-risk settings. And to me, this wasn't just a statistic. My own grandmother had died because of pneumonia. And it was out of that conviction that I had to quit my banking job, because I was a telecom engineer, to focus my energies on innovating a technology that could help in detecting this pneumonia. So me and my group, I had invented a pneumonia detecting jacket that could be used by health workers by simply listening to the long sounds from the chase, but also analyzing them and alerting health workers when it is still too early.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  So I was all in for this new technology. But when, at that point, when an opportunity came in for me to go to South Africa, right in the middle of the wedding week, I found myself at Crossroads.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  First of all, I could be the reliable groomsmen to my sister's wedding. What else? I could take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to advance my invention, pneumonia. So what did I do? I decided to do the most optimistic thing a 25-year-old can do. I decided to do both.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Besides, the wedding was going to be like within two to three days. So I realized I had a lot of time. It could be back in time. So I secretly boarded that flight to South Africa while I was pretending to be actively involved in the wedding preparations via text.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  And while here in Johannesburg, the meetings were very productive but also exhaustive. I mean, I explained my technologies to all these investors, demonstrated to them how the piece of the technology was working from A to Z, but even showed them the different case studies that we had done with the technology.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  My trip in Johannesburg was like a make or break, because my business was young, and this kind of finding is what would drive my invention forward.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  So after a series of those meetings, I went back to my hotel. And on the last day, as I was checking out, the fan that casually asked me, like, "Hey, I would like to offer you an extra night. Would you be in for it?"

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Well, at that point, at 25, the extra night meant nice beddings, the fluffy towels, and most importantly, the free nice breakfast buffet the next day.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  So this was a no-brainer for me.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  The next day, the Friday, I woke up for my breakfast, and I just ate like a king. Pancakes, small pancakes, and whatever else could fit on my plate.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  I had done, I had timed everything perfectly, that is, to finish all my breakfast but also make it just in time for my flight.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  And five minutes before my Uber could arrive, he texted, "An accident."

• 7:22Speaker 02

  At that point, I started panicking. Every minute became like an hour. And I quickly rushed onto my phone, and I had to order for another Uber and to take me to the airport, which miraculously came on time. Things were looking good, and I realized I couldn't check in online as I was heading to the airport. And at that point, my only hope was to find the airlines counter open.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  As soon as I reached the airport, I was met by this stunned airline officer, who with zero emotion told me I was five minutes too late. "Five minutes?" I begged. I pleaded. "Nothing." Instead, he just pointed me to the rebooking desk and told me that I would have to pay a hefty cancellation fee, and on top of that, that my flight would be arrived in the next day.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  I was doomed. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with African geography, the distance from Johannesburg to Kampala is like a 72-hour drive. So there's no way I was even going to use the road to make it there.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  And remember, this was my sister's wedding, who had always been there for me. She even helped me with apke when mine ran out when we were in boarding school back then.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  And much more than that, she had asked me to be a groomsmen, and now I was nowhere to be seen.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  And to my dad, he was still angry at me for having quit my banking job to focus on what he called "those jackets."

• 8:48Speaker 02

  And to my entire family, I had always been the humble, reliable person. I was the last person they would expect to pull off a cross-border disappearance act just in the middle of a wedding week.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  At that point, I realized I was just on my own.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  So I quickly panicked, and I started searching for alternative flights to get me back in Kampala. And luckily, I was able to land onto an option which would work for me. So quickly, I booked it up, and I was ready to get in through my check-in formalities.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  So I checked in, went through, and after reaching the gate, I just sat down, thinking of the entire miracle that had happened to me, being able to make it for the wedding at that point in time.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  As I just settled down, I just double-checked this cheapest ticket which I had just bought. And that's when I noticed that the ticket I had bought had taken our layover in Tigray-Randa before going to Kampala, Uganda.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  At that point, I felt like the entire world was me. I started remembering all the time I'd been busy pretending to my family that I was involved in the wedding preparations, yet I was very far off.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  But anyway, I settled in for the flight, and by the time I was in Rwanda, I was already too exhausted, and I decided to just take a nap on those airport chairs, which I think were clearly made by someone who is human beings. Sleep was just impossible. I couldn't sleep. But in the middle of that confusion, a thought came into my mind. What if I get a bus from Tigray-Randa, which is next to the western part of Uganda? I could make it in time. So determined, I rose up, went and convinced the airlines officers and also the airport formalities and who were able to actually let me through. And just like that, I was on a bus. Just like a miracle of miracles, I arrived in the wedding area 15 minutes before the wedding could start.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  At that point, I was very dusty, hungry, and purely running on adrenaline. And I decided to rush into the nearest barber shop to work on my hair so that I could fit well into my groomsmen role. And as soon as I pushed the door to open, there he was, my dad.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Seated calmly in the barber chair like he had all the time in the world. So he looked at me in the mirror, he's like, "Hey, you, where are you coming from?" Of course, I had all my luggage and all my bags. I couldn't lie anymore. It's like South Africa, long story.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  So he's like, "Ah, so you went to South Africa just in the middle of a wedding week without telling me?" At that point, things were becoming hard, and I decided to be heavily invested in my side funds.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Then, just before the barber could brush the last hair off my neck, I glanced onto my phone and I saw a text from my sister. It's like, "Hey, we couldn't get a hold of you, so they had to remove you off the groomsmen list. Sorry."

• 11:47Speaker 02

  At that point, I was gutted. Not just because they had removed me from the groomsmen list, but my whole entire dressing plan was based on the groomsmen suit.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  So at that point, I had nothing formal to wear.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  But anyway, I went on and just attended the church service in what I was putting on.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  And just when the church service had ended, we went out for the official photos. And that's when I looked down at my t-shirt and I realized that what I was putting on probably screamed, "I love free Wi-Fi."

• 12:27Speaker 02

  At that point, there was no way I could risk being in my sister's lifetime finding a photo with such a t-shirt.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  So I just decided to stay in the back, and I took a selfie as the only evidence that I'd attended that wedding.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  And literally, at that moment, the free breakfast felt like betrayal on a plate.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  But I'd made it to the wedding.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  And that meeting here in Johannesburg, which had come for, eventually secured the funding that I desperately needed.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  And that same funding has been critical in advancing our invention that now is being used in over 500 families who are benefiting from it and are able to save more lives.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  And to my sister, well, let's just say that there is that invisible secret treaty between me and her, that every time I travel, I have to carry something for her to atone for my disappearance and also for ruining the entire groomsmen.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  And to my father, he finally forgave me, not just because I turned a play, but because he can now look at the impact that many inventions have had. He no longer dismisses them as those jackets, but he now calls them my trans-invention.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  "I love free Wi-Fi." Give it up for Brian Tuyabage!

• 14:35Sarah Austin Jenness?

  Brian Tuyabage and his family live in Uganda. His jackets have saved hundreds of lives so far, and they can now detect other respiratory diseases alongside pneumonia. To learn more and to see that epic photo boasting, "I love free Wi-Fi," go to themoth.org.

• 14:58Sarah Austin Jenness?

  In a moment, civic duty and South African beauty pageants of the 90s, when The Moth Radio Hour continues.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

• 15:27Sarah Austin Jenness?

  This is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Sarah Austin Janis. This show is live from Johannesburg, where the theme was "We Rise." Here's our host, artist Lebo Mashilo.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  And now we travel to South Africa. Our storyteller is from right here at home. And when I asked them the same question, "We can all fall down, but what is that one thing that you need in your toolkit to rise up?" They said, "A Lebo Matosa and FKA Twigs playlist."

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Please give it up for South Africa's own Lebohan Muhashwa.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  It's 1995. I am 10 years old. Nelson Mandela is president. And there is this sense of transformation, newness, hope in South Africa. And that feeling is all over my village in Limpopo. People are trying new things. There are these youth groups that pop up. People are doing ballroom dancing, beauty pageants, drum majorettes.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  One night, my mother sits us down, my father, my cousins and I, and my baby sister. And she announces that she is going to run in the local government elections, the first ones, as a councillor.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  She is not asking. She's telling us. Because that's exactly the kind of woman that my mother was. When she decided to do something, she would get up and do it herself. If there was part of the road that was flooded, she would pick up a wheelbarrow and then go and start working. If you join her, fine. If you don't, it's okay. But on Saturday morning, you don't sleep in.

• 17:48Speaker 04

  I lean in and I say, "Family," since we're making announcements, "I have decided to participate in a beauty pageant.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  I am going to join one of these child pageants, and I'm going to win."

• 18:07Speaker 04

  My mother looks at me and she's like, "Look, I know you love things, you know? When we use our generator to watch TV, I'm the one who doesn't want it to stop. I want to be inside the TV. I want to be with the glamorous people. I go through all the magazines. I want to be in there, and I love pageants." And my mother says, "But you're so shy. You don't know how to stand in front of people. Don't you prefer to be at home telling your stories to the trees and our chickens?"

• 18:40Speaker 04

  And I say, "No, I'm going to do it. And when I win, when I become Mr. South Africa, you are going to be the one who's proud that you encouraged me."

• 18:52Speaker 04

  And so, I go into my first pageant ready. I rip off pages from magazines. I learn how to pose. I learn how to smile like the beauty queens. And I start learning to walk like Naomi Campbell.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  I invite my friends. My girlfriends and I all practice together. And by the time we arrive at the pageant, the organizer looks at us and she's like, "Oh, you don't need my help." I mean, she has to help me walk a little bit more like a boy. She's like, "Look,

• 19:26Speaker 04

  you are with the boys." But I love the enthusiasm.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  And I go for it. And every day after school, we go, we practice. We are 10, 11. It's wonderful. And on the day of the pageant, my mother takes me to get my hair done. I get a cut and an S-crow.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  I put on my giant linen pants,

• 20:03Speaker 04

  a navy double mesmerized polo shirt,

• 20:08Speaker 04

  and a velvet smoking jacket.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  It's all mismatched, but it works for me.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  And at the event, it's fun. My friends and I, you know, we're doing little dance routines. We're walking back and forth. I forget how to not walk like Naomi Campbell. I smile at everyone. I start waving as if I've already won.

• 20:34Speaker 04

  And one of the reasons I did this is that I had known that I was some some different kind of boy. And sometimes I'd feel left alone. I'd feel a little bit judged. I'd feel kind of shunned. And there was a part of me that thought, if someone chose me as a beauty king and literally raised me up on a pedestal, then maybe people would leave me alone and think, oh, that's someone important.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  The judges ask us, who is your role model? And I say, Mr. South Africa.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Because I want to become Mr. South Africa. And they're like, wait, you know, are you sure you don't mean Miss South Africa?

• 21:22Speaker 04

  Later, they're announcing who won. And they start with the second prince. Someone else's name is mentioned. The first prince, someone else. And then the winner, Mr. Bagimoum, Lebohang Morashwa.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Me!

• 21:49Speaker 04

  I wear that sash and that plastic crown with pride.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  And I rush home and I tell my mother. And my mother is so proud of me. She's so happy. And she is in the middle of her own campaign. She's preparing speeches. Her message for the campaign is, "Do it for yourselves." And she's running as an independent. Not because she hates politics, but she would say to us that it's because everything that she was doing in our village, she was doing it as just a member of the community.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  And at that time, everyone was into the campaign. A lot of the mothers loved that this woman, she was not yet forty. This young woman was energetic and doing this. Then I tell her that I'm going to enter a second pageant. And she's like, oh, no, I thought this was a one-off. I'm like, well, you are not stopping.

• 22:53Speaker 04

  The new pageant is a little bit different. The age group ranges from ten to seventeen. And they have a different way of working. They announce that we are going to have the dreaded swimsuit section. Girls will be wearing their swimming costumes and boys will wear board shorts and be shirtless. The idea of walking in front of people shirtless with my soft belly and my soft chest terrifies me.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  But I don't tell my mother. I keep going because I think, well, you've committed to this. I have to walk straighter. I have, I can't smile. I have to put on a boyish scowl.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Because at that time, pageants had this sense of possibility. It wasn't just like a silly thing. You had this sense that you could win a village pageant. And then you would go and do something in the city. And then you'd have a provincial one. And then at some point, you would do a national pageant. And I thought, if I went all the way, I could meet Miss South Africa.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  And so I do my best boy walk. I see other boys. They're thirteen. Some of them are starting to develop muscles. And this time around, my outfit is a little bit subdued. But it's fine.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  And then they announce the winners. Again, second prince, first prince, and then the winner, Lebohang Morashwa.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  And I am on a roll.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  I go home, I tell my mother, and she's like, is this the last one?

• 24:52Speaker 04

  I think she was starting to get concerned about where this would go. But there was something else happening. Her campaign was no longer fun. People would criticize the fact that someone like her, who used to be a domestic worker, didn't know how to do the job that would be required.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  And people started judging the fact that all these young men who were working with her, why were they coming and going? Where is the husband? My father was working in Johannesburg.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  One night, after her team left, a car parks outside our house. It's there for a couple of minutes, and then it drives off. But then it comes back the following night. And the following night. Staying longer and longer, my mother becomes rattled. So she blows out all the candles in our house and barricades my cousins and I in her bedroom. She takes this old toy gun and stands by the window, opens the window, and yells, "Leave me alone!"

• 26:06Speaker 04

  The car drives off.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  My cousins and I say to her, what if they actually had guns? What were you going to do?

• 26:20Speaker 04

  And she says, with a shaky voice, no one else can decide when I stop.

• 26:28Speaker 04

  This is what I want to do. And I will not be intimidated.

• 26:38Speaker 04

  And so I go into my third pageant, galvanized by my mother's strength. These thirteen-year-olds and fourteen-year-olds that I'm competing with are doing push-ups before we practice. They compare muscles. They sort of start to walk a little bit more like male models. And one of them looks at me and he's like, oh, this is not for girls.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  I still don't tell my mother. And on the day of that pageant, I steal a little bit of my mother's Elizabeth Arden perfume to strengthen myself.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  I put a little bit of Vaseline on my non-existent muscles to sort of look a bit strong.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  And I stand on the edge of the hall where we're walking, and I see the audience. And my mother's words come back to me. You don't know how to be in front of people. This is going to be so difficult for you. But I've already committed. Stand on the edge. The music is playing. And I am wearing my father's pants, black trousers, a black shirt, and my velvet jacket. I look a little bit like a baby undertaker, but it's fine.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  I take a deep breath. And then I start walking. But as I'm about to move, the organizer yanks off my glasses. And he says they don't go with my look.

• 28:16Speaker 04

  And so I'm walking, blurry-eyed, terrified, scowling and trying to look like a man and thinking, how did I end up here at this most unglamorous place?

• 28:31Speaker 04

  It's time to announce the winners. They start with the second prince. Someone is mentioned. First prince, Lebohang Morashwa.

• 28:46Speaker 04

  I've come in second place. I'm standing in front of all these people and I immediately weep. At first, it looks like tears of joy. But I cry so much that it's clear that I am crushed.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  I mean, one would think that with everything that was going on, I would be relieved just to be, you know, one of the top three. But I had invested so much. And then I noticed that everyone could see that I was crying because I was hurt. So then I started asking for my glasses. I was like, oh, no, I can't see. That's why I'm crying. I need my glasses. I mean, even today, when I go back home, there are still people who are like, do you remember when you cried and you said, get your glasses? But we all knew that you were mad because you didn't win.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  I go back home weeping. I go into my mother's bedroom. She's working on her campaign, approving posters, deciding what she's going to wear on Election Day, wondering what else can be done to convince people that she can do the job.

• 29:55Speaker 04

  I finally tell her everything. I tell her how difficult it's been. I tell her that I thought I was doing this thing that was going to bring fun for me, but now I find myself so terrified. She listens to me. And then she says, it's okay. You wanted to do something and you tried.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  You can cry, cry as much as you want. But tomorrow, you will rise up and you will do something else. You can do a pageant that feels more fun. You can do ballroom dancing, or you can keep telling stories to our trees and chickens. You will just do something else.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  A few weeks later, it's Election Day. And my mother is ready. She wears this giant, puffy, black and gold dress with a hat to match.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  She looks like she's going to her own pageant. And I'm excited. I think, well, if I didn't win, then at least my mother will win.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  And then later she comes back. And she tells us how it went.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  She came in second. Just like me. Which was huge for an independent campaign.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  But she was still upset because she thought maybe having the position will help galvanize the work that she was already doing. She was upset.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  And she went to bed early. But true to her words, she woke up the next morning and she did something new. Along with the group that she was working with, they went on to organize and started an adult learning center in our village.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  They used empty land to plant food.

• 31:48Speaker 04

  And they didn't wait for our village to be noticed. They campaigned hard for our village to get electricity, and by 1997, we did.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  And today, I am not a beauty king or beauty queen. But I wake up every day and I write these narratives for film, TV, theater. And where no matter the genre, I write about these characters who always stand out and stand up. Thank you.

• 32:31Sarah Austin Jenness?

  That was Lebo Mohashwa. He's the writer-producer of the Netflix drama Savage Beauty. He lives in Johannesburg with his soon-to-be-husband, and he's producing a new series celebrating his childhood love of fabulous women doing terrible things. After her run for office, his mother Joyce successfully campaigned for their village to be electrified. And at her funeral in 2013, people eulogized her as the woman who brought light to their village. You can find out more about The Moth's global community workshops and Moth events all around the world by going to themoth.org. While you're there, you will also see a photo of Lebo in his pageantry finest.

• 33:16Sarah Austin Jenness?

  In a moment, our last story, a Kenyan woman redefines what's normal for girls.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

• 33:46Sarah Austin Jenness?

  This is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Sarah Austin Janis. We're listening to "We Rise," recorded live at a Moth night in South Africa, produced in partnership with the Gates Foundation at the University of Johannesburg. Here again is the host of the night, Lebo Mashile.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  For our last story, we travel all the way to Kenya.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  And when we asked our storyteller the same question, we can all fall down, but what do you need in your toolkit to rise up? She answered, friends and foes.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Hey, it's about to get real, Chonies. Please give a Joe Bird welcome to Lisa Muchu.

• 34:54Speaker 05

  I'm the first born in a family of six girls. And I was born to an adventurous mother and a very reserved father. They made an amazing couple, I tell you that. And so my mom used to push me to do things that in my village and tribe were not normal for girls. This one time, my cousin Tony came to visit, and he was picking berries up a tree. And my mom told him, don't give her those berries. No, no, no, no, no, because I was waiting down there. And she was like, Wamaytha, can you go up there and get the berries yourself? And she assisted me to ride bikes. I was skating in the mud in broken basins.

• 35:36Speaker 05

  I was playing football. And that in my tribe was termed as wanjakehe. That is too much of a boy to be a girl. And the villagers were talking, she's messed up goods. She's messed her reproductive system. She's not okay. She's not a girl. At the age of five, we got our second born sister, and I became a mother and a nanny. For those of us who want to be honest, in the African village, and I was carrying them on my back. And 11 years later, I had raised five girls. I became their caretaker. But to the extent that they fall sick, and instead of calling their mother, they would call me.

• 36:20Speaker 05

  And that was a huge thing. It actually led me to become a doctor. Because then I realized that I wanted to take care of children, that I wanted to ensure they have a chance to live because of the love that I had given my sisters and they had given me back. Fast forward to when I'm 19, I go to med school. First day, I'm in the morgue and I faint.

• 36:48Speaker 05

  So I call my mom. And she's like, did anybody else faint? I'm like, no. She's like, can you go back to class and learn Elizabeth? And at that point, I realized that not only was there the spirit of adventure or the thrill for it, but she was also pushing me to get and achieve whatever I wanted to achieve. Unexpectedly, at 23, she died. And my dad had died four years earlier. So I was the actual mother and provider to my five sisters. And I was in med school. I was hustling and I was taking care of them. It was not easy. But, you know, we had to go through life, right? We weren't giving up, and we didn't have any boys to fight for us, so we had to be the boys.

• 37:34Speaker 05

  So at 26, my second born sister then is 21. She's able to take care of the girls. I'm done with med school. I'm posted to northeastern Kenya. It's the hardest place to work. At that time, there was al-Shabaab. There was militia. There was insecurity at the Amber level. But then they also had the poorest health indicators. They had the highest levels of motano mortalities and the highest levels of neonato mortalities. And I was sharp. I was the best in my class. I have my name in the University of Nairobi's board in 2005 as the best med student. And I was like, I want to go there. One, for the adventure of it.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  Maybe I might find love in the desert, but also to know how they live. And I also wanted to make a difference. I wanted to save the lives of those children and save the lives of those women and ensure that they don't die for something that can be prevented. So I reported a day earlier. That's how excited I was. I was given a big house as the district medical officer, and I had neighbors and all that. And I started programs that would take services closer to the people. Those are pastoralists. They don't, most of the time, come to the health facilities. So I needed to get to them where they were. But I didn't find love, not there. We used to go for seminars though, and you know, not in the desert.

• 39:02Speaker 05

  In the towns, I found this young guy at the age of 28, and I think I fell in love. Distance though was a challenge. Maybe it kept me grounded, sort of. I was worried about being too adventurous and losing him, but I was there and we fell in love. At 30, in my tribe, if you're not married, people talk. And I didn't have my mother or father to fight for me this time. And the rumors came back. She's spoiled good. Her reproductive system, remember? Remember what she used to do when she was young? This is the repercussions of that. I had to get married. So I got married to that guy. I didn't date too many men. That one guy, lucky me, huh?

• 39:47Speaker 05

  So I got married. And soon after, we got my first born son. And three months in, I was okay. I was waking up, feeding the baby, clothing him. I had the nanny though. You know, baby language and stuff, I don't even know if he understood, but at four months, I was done. Not because I don't love my son, I do. But I was felt, I was empty. I was very empty. I was not fulfilled, if I may say. I needed to go back to work. So I talked to my husband and he says, okay, short distances, don't put yourself in the line of danger. And I did that and, you know, short trips, I'm back home, I'm seeing them. And I got pregnant again. And this time, I think I was rushing against time.

• 40:30Speaker 05

  They say at 35, risky pregnancy, right? Oh, thank medicine, now that is not a challenge. But then, I was rushing so that I can get them babies before 35. So, second born comes, same routine. Three months in, but at the fourth month, I am completely done. I'm borderline postpartum depression. I love that guy. I love those kids. But there's this emptiness in my chest. And I'm looking at my kids, they are privileged, they have everything, and their kids somewhere are dying. And I would be making a difference in their lives. I would be saving them. I kind of felt like a disciple that God was pushing to make sure that I take care of them.

• 41:14Speaker 05

  So at 4:00 AM, I woke up my husband. And I told him, I can't do this anymore. It felt like it was the end of a marriage. I was angry at him, angry at the nanny. I sort of was into K, you know? And he just told me, Wamaita, go back to sleep. We are not having this conversation now. Well, when he calls me by my traditional name, I know it's serious, huh? Women, hmm? So I zip it and go back to sleep and wait for an appropriate time, not 4:00 AM. So that evening, he comes home and we have this intense conversation. But at the end of it, he says, I know you're happiest when you're working, but I will ask you one thing. Don't love your work more than you love me and your kids.

• 41:59Speaker 05

  And don't put yourself in the line of danger. So one year later, I'm going back to Garissa to take vaccines. And like three months before, KMTC had been attacked by al-Shabaab. And so everything, there was chaos. But there was a measles outbreak and over 100 children had died. And I couldn't sleep at night. It felt like it was my cause. So I went to Garissa. The locals didn't want to go there. Everything was in the Amber. But who is like me? Adventurers, the thrill, but also the desire to ensure that those children are taken care of. And I knew I could. So I look for solution. I tell the county director, get me guards, get me escort cars. And he gets me policemen and we are on our way.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  These guys are strong, man. They got these vests, these guns and all. And I'm thinking, I'm very safe, huh? And I ask them, how is the al-Shabaab issue? They say, we've handled them. We've had a few incidences, but I think we're okay, you know? It's not as bad as it was. And we make idle talk. But 50 minutes in, and I hear this loud noise, so loud. And a few seconds later, another loud noise shut us the glass. And at that point, people are yelling. But there's this one, one policeman is shouting, we are under attack. It's an ambush.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  Get down, get down. And I'm in the backseat of a Land Cruiser and you know, the driver's seat and the back seat, and I fit over there, like this big mass. I wasn't squeezed. I actually felt safe. It's like they were protecting me in sorts. And then the car stops. Everyone is down. They're shooting back. And at that point, my life is flashing in front of me. The choices I've made, the decisions I've made. There's nothing as hard as knowing you're about to die and then your husband is going to marry someone who will choose whether to love your children or not.

• 44:10Speaker 05

  So a few minutes later, this policeman tells me, get down, Lisa, madam, get down. They're shooting the car. The bullets are going through the car. They are really low. They'll get you, get. I can't move. I'm frozen. I can't stand. I am, my fear took over. So they pull me down and put me on the ground and one of them lies on top of me. I think they are worried I run, you know? Because you don't know what a scare person would do. And at that point, a bullet brushes my hair. And I've had enough. And the adventure, the thrill, the desire to take care of those babies, I blackout.

• 44:53Speaker 05

  I have nothing more to give. I'm done. And I wake up an hour later. And we are in the car. I don't know how they got me in the car. I'm heavy though, so I don't know how they do that, but they do it. And we are, we are headed not to Garissa, but towards Lagdara. And in my mind, I'm like, what? Why would you be going towards more danger? And they tell me, we lost one of our own. So it cannot be in vain. We have to complete this mission. I run, I'm angry, but I'm defeated because honestly, I think we need to complete the mission as well.

• 45:37Speaker 05

  So I go quiet and we get to Lagdara. And when we get there, we take the vaccines, the joy on the faces of the healthcare providers, the children that came to receive us, made me temporarily forget I almost lost my life. We get back to Garissa and I'm in this room alone and I break down. My wells can't stop. And at that point, I say, I won't do this again. I'm going to love my husband, I'm going to love my babies, and I'm going to be near them to take care of them. So we go home and I tell my husband that I have decided to not go back to the danger zones.

• 46:19Speaker 05

  And he says, hmm, that's weird because you're happiest when you're at work? He thought he didn't like me working. But well, I didn't want to dive into that conversation. So I stayed home and then eight months in, I'm not okay. And we can never have a happy moment in that house. And he tells me, just go back to work, you know? Just go back to work. We can't live like this. So I make a call and I'm back to work. But this time, I choose how I work and I go to the field 40% of my time and 60% of it, I'm at home and I'm able to take care of them and protect them and love on them.

• 47:04Speaker 05

  And what I've learned is that a strong woman is a woman who knows when to stop, when to pause and reflect, and when to actually strike a balance because we also need to live a full life. Thank you very much.

• 47:42Sarah Austin Jenness?

  Lisa Muchoki is still navigating these two worlds. She says, balancing the heavy, vital work of health systems leadership with the chaotic, beautiful energy of a house full of kids and animals is exactly what keeps me grounded right now. Here's our host, Lebo Mashile, to close us out.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Joburg, you have been spectacular. Performing for you is like a hug for the soul. We love you so much. We love how animated you are. We love the way you listen. We love the way you don't listen when you listen even, the way you're on stage with everybody. You rock. You fill us up and we hope that these stories have filled you up.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  Go well, good night, God bless, and thank you.

• 48:50Sarah Austin Jenness?

  That's it for this episode of The Moth Radio Hour. Thank you for listening and we hope you'll join us next time.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  The live host of this episode of The Moth Radio Hour was Lebo Mashile. Lebo is an award-winning poet, author, producer, and actress. The radio show was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Sarah Austin Jenness, who also hosted along with Lebo. And she directed the stories in the show along with Jennifer Hickson. Co-producer is Vicky Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch. The live event was produced by Haley Evans and Chris Bellouyette. The Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Christina Norman, Marina Kluch, Jordan Cardinale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Teller, Suzanne Rust, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Patricia Uraina. Moth stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  Our theme music is by The Drift. Other music in this hour is from Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Podcast music production support from Davy Sumner. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including executive producer Leah Reese Dennis. The Moth would like to thank the Gates Foundation for their support of The Moth's Global Community Program. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, and to learn all about The Moth, go to our website, themoth.org.