MBMBaM 827: Advanced Jesus Studies for Men

Don't close the door on us, we have exactly what you need! We've got pre-discussed hand gestures, oddly specific online courses, breakfast shakes no one wanted, and an abundance of TV show pitches. How many? One, two, three, four, five . . . seventy-six. You need seventy-six of them, right? Suggested talking points: Point Down if the Devil is Coming, Poppin' on the 'Cock, Grocery Store Guidance, Justin's Blackmail Jar, This Really Munches My Squad Native Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:19Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of room for the heater. Old Winnie meakery.

• 1:21Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, thirty under thirty media luminary Griffin. Meakery.

• 1:27Travis McElroy?

  Meakery.

• 1:29Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, Trav did it that way. I thought it'd be fun to.

• 1:31Travis McElroy?

  That was. I have a sore on my tongue because I bit my tongue too hard, Griffin.

• 1:35Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 1:36Travis McElroy?

  Now it feels like you're making fun of me. Just see a babe. Just see a babe.

• 1:41Griffin McElroy?

  And chomped accidentally on your tongue?

• 1:44Travis McElroy?

  No, I had, I had a witty retort for the king, but I knew that if I were to say it, I would end up in the stocks.

• 1:51Griffin McElroy?

  He would make you his jester.

• 1:54Travis McElroy?

  I'd be, can I tell you? I'd be an amazing jester.

• 1:56Griffin McElroy?

  Banger jester, absolutely.

• 1:57Travis McElroy?

  I've thought about this. Everybody wants to pretend like, oh, if I travel back in time, I'd be a powerful knight.

• 2:02Griffin McElroy?

  I'd use my knowledge of phones to like, no, man.

• 2:06Travis McElroy?

  No, my whole deal, jester.

• 2:07Griffin McElroy?

  I just want to appease the rich. That's it. That's all I want.

• 2:10Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. Well, speak truth to power and power to truth.

• 2:13Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 2:14Travis McElroy?

  USA, USA.

• 2:17Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:17Travis McElroy?

  I know it's a, it's a pretty surprising twist, but um, I want to let you guys know that I, and I'm not supposed to talk about it because we're saving it for NBC or like we're streaming it later, but I won the Patriot games.

• 2:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Say that again without, say it again without laughing?

• 2:33Travis McElroy?

  I won the Patriot games.

• 2:35Griffin McElroy?

  What is this?

• 2:36Travis McElroy?

  I won President Trump's incredible Patriot game.

• 2:38Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome.

• 2:39Travis McElroy?

  I'm not supposed to talk about it, but I beat some of America's strongest teens, uh, some of America's most Bible based teens. I went in there and I cleaned their clocks. I dodged the balls. I jousted better than any of them.

• 2:55Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:55Travis McElroy?

  Uh, and I won the Patriot games. I won $250,000 in scholarships.

• 3:00Griffin McElroy?

  Of taxpayer, of, of, of taxpayer money, I hope.

• 3:03Travis McElroy?

  And it's impossible to tell. I mean, it's all, it all comes out. I'm sure it's a philanthropy thing where President Trump is giving away his own money as he is like to do. Justin, I normally love to play along on your goofs, but I know you're making up the Patriot games because that's the name of a movie.

• 3:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:21Travis McElroy?

  I believe in the name. Yeah, that's the name of a movie, you silly goose. This is the Freedom 250 Patriot Games, celebrating.

• 3:29Griffin McElroy?

  Still doing that, huh?

• 3:30Travis McElroy?

  This great land of ours. I mean, it's, listen, it's our 250th birth year.

• 3:36Griffin McElroy?

  I guess so.

• 3:38Travis McElroy?

  Oh, this is like when I have a birthday week, you know, and everybody has to be nice to me all week. I did meet, uh, Chase Boggs, who's the dad of the West Virginia's representative. Uh, I, I of course couldn't go from West Virginia. That would have been too obvious. I was, I was Skip Riggins from Colorado. I'm a 17 year old from Colorado State High School, Christian University.

• 4:02Griffin McElroy?

  Can you give me the voice? Can you give me the voice of Skip? I know you didn't use the voice you have now.

• 4:06Travis McElroy?

  President Trump, I'm so grateful to be here with you today. Thank you for having me at your incredible games. I'm glad I could win them for you, buddy.

• 4:15Griffin McElroy?

  Without thinking or pausing, I'll count to three. What city in Colorado is it from? One, two, three?

• 4:20Travis McElroy?

  London.

• 4:24Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy, man. There's so many dudes.

• 4:26Travis McElroy?

  That was the best choice because I saw a look in Griffin's eyes where he wanted to confidently say, there is no London, Colorado, but he simply could not.

• 4:36Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, if I've learned anything from my 39 years on this earth, is there's a city name for everything in every state, basically is.

• 4:43Travis McElroy?

  A lot of Paris.

• 4:44Griffin McElroy?

  There's like a butt crack, Utah, Kentucky, New York.

• 4:48Travis McElroy?

  They got everything.

• 4:49Griffin McElroy?

  They got everything.

• 4:50Travis McElroy?

  Now, Justin, can I tell you? You know, I support. Can I just go ahead and finish the thought that I began before you two? I forgot that you were talking before we, I interrupted so deeply. Yeah, I know. So I met Chase Boggs, the father of West Virginia's representative. It's funny, he was actually interviewed by the Washington Post.

• 5:09Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 5:09Travis McElroy?

  And even though his kid got eliminated, he still came for the finale to cheer me on, I guess. And he told the Washington Post, quote, "This is going to be a Trump rally." We, why did he go? Cause we all love Trump.

• 5:23Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, man, I thought for a minute.

• 5:25Travis McElroy?

  Why would I want to be at this once in a lifetime thing?

• 5:27Griffin McElroy?

  You had me in the first half because I thought maybe there's a chance that Chase Boggs was like, man, this whole thing is just gonna be a big fucking Trump.

• 5:35Travis McElroy?

  And it just occurred to him?

• 5:37Griffin McElroy?

  It's used to mean something, the Patriot games.

• 5:41Travis McElroy?

  That's what was hard for me is I, I go there because I think it's about a athletic competition and 250K for the school of my dreams, right? So I'm excited about that. I get there, I'm fucking buried in Chick-fil-A wrappers.

• 5:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:59Travis McElroy?

  And a bunch of keynote tape and a bunch of Bible verses written all over it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just trying to joust. I'm just trying to joust other teams.

• 6:09Griffin McElroy?

  You're there for the love of the sport, necessarily, not necessarily the love of the country.

• 6:12Travis McElroy?

  And the love of the country.

• 6:14Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 6:14Travis McElroy?

  Again, it's a huge opportunity to represent Colorado.

• 6:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Travis McElroy?

  And America, if I could be the strongest team from Colorado.

• 6:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:23Travis McElroy?

  Can you imagine? I'd put that right up next to my R. Hart media award, you know? I did want to talk about that because I frankly, you know, I love you and I support all of the shenanigans. You weren't there. You weren't there. You didn't post about it on Facebook. First of all, you didn't tell me about it. Um, I wasn't allowed to because we're streaming it on the cock. I kept seeing posts from Skip Riggins. Peacock, I said, don't make that face, the cock.

• 6:46Griffin McElroy?

  The cock, we can call him that. We used to call him that.

• 6:49Travis McElroy?

  We no longer have an ongoing deal with them, we most certainly can. Don't let the option expire if you don't want the bad ones. Yeah, it's, it's simply unfair for you to compete against these teens because I think you, with your 45 years of life, are in such a better position to beat these teens at physical sports. I mean, you've had 45 years to turn yourself into a living machine capable of achieving physical goals that these frankly, uh, youngsters couldn't even imagine. Couldn't conceive. Well, and it is the will too, Travis. I've had 40 years to sit in ice baths to hone my will till it's a, an iron, an iron

• 7:34Travis McElroy?

  edge, you know? Like I could, I, there's, there's no force on earth that could resist this sheer force of will, which I think that is why my, I called my, when I went up to the stage and they, Trump was like, here's your prize, buddy.

• 7:50Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome, dude.

• 7:50Travis McElroy?

  And I took it from him and I was like, this is a triumph over God and President Trump.

• 7:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:55Travis McElroy?

  I've defied all of their will. I'm a 45 year old man.

• 7:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:59Travis McElroy?

  And then I, I left. And a gaffe sprang out. Yeah. Wait till you see it on the cock. It's episode four, I guess they do like.

• 8:08Griffin McElroy?

  Episode four Patriot games, Thursday nights, it's popping on the cock.

• 8:13Travis McElroy?

  Wait, sorry, popping on the cock. Four, episode four is when they announced the winner? How many episodes are there?

• 8:20Griffin McElroy?

  Nine.

• 8:21Travis McElroy?

  Episodes, there's nine episodes. The following five episodes are an investigation into how a 45 year old man pretending to be Skip Riggins from Colorado was able to get into the games.

• 8:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's episode five is what happened to the real team participant from Colorado? They really dive in on that on five.

• 8:40Travis McElroy?

  Ep nine is the reunion hosted by Andy Code and it will be a very, a very scintillating reunion, I think, when they all find out I'm a 45 year old man and don't actually know any of the Bible verses.

• 8:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:52Travis McElroy?

  I referenced throughout our time together. Justin, can you tell us just? At episode nine, end of, uh, the recap, the reunion, they always announce it, who's gonna be the next Patriot? Looking for, at all these sexy singles, looking to be the next, uh, married Patriot.

• 9:10Griffin McElroy?

  This is a different group of people, by the way, not the teens.

• 9:13Travis McElroy?

  Not the teens.

• 9:14Griffin McElroy?

  This is a different group of people that they had on the side dating.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  But like, this is how J.D. Vance got to be vice president.

• 9:19Griffin McElroy?

  True.

• 9:20Travis McElroy?

  Right? Cause he won the Patriot games, I want to say 246.

• 9:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:24Travis McElroy?

  Right? And then they announced him at the end of like, and he's the next vice president, right? So who's the next, who's gonna be the next Patriot? Uh, no, sorry, guys. They, they won't let me, I could reveal exclusively that I won the Patriot games myself.

• 9:39Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 9:39Travis McElroy?

  But they will not let me reveal the next Patriot.

• 9:41Griffin McElroy?

  Anything beyond that would be, that's huge.

• 9:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I've made a lot of bets. Ah, it's Fez from that 70's show.

• 9:47Griffin McElroy?

  Damn it.

• 9:48Travis McElroy?

  Damn it, dude. Damn it, damn it. Wilmer Voldarama, how did I pull that?

• 9:53Griffin McElroy?

  This, I don't want to make light of, uh, the current, the current administration and just the kind of constant psychic toll that it takes on me and everyone else.

• 10:06Travis McElroy?

  Basically your job, I will point out, it's basically your job.

• 10:10Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, well then, let me just say.

• 10:12Travis McElroy?

  You just described your job.

• 10:12Griffin McElroy?

  Let me say, it is my job, I guess, to make light of this, but let me say this, that Washington Post article you referenced, can I read the headline? It is Patriot Games Open With Dodgeball, Lots Of MAGA Caps And Even More Questions. Can this dude throw one fucking soiree without it being like?

• 10:32Griffin McElroy?

  Lots of fucking big questions left in the wake of the big picnic party. The big America picnic party featuring Florida. Can they not just do one event where the Washington Post writes about it's like, I don't know, guys. Like he sucks. Obviously he sucks shit. This whole thing sucks shit, but like pretty killer party. It's always like, it happened. Lots of people were there. They all had the fucking hat going for him. And we're just curious where it all came and what comes next. He can't just throw one fucking party.

• 11:04Travis McElroy?

  Well, Trump's a big fan of DashCon and he's just trying to recapture.

• 11:08Griffin McElroy?

  Trying to capture that mean magic.

• 11:10Travis McElroy?

  Magic.

• 11:11Griffin McElroy?

  Simpler time.

• 11:12Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I, I congratulations to me, I guess.

• 11:15Griffin McElroy?

  Good job, Skip.

• 11:16Travis McElroy?

  I am, the 250K is actually only good at Liberty University. So I will be pursuing a major in.

• 11:25Griffin McElroy?

  Seminary.

• 11:27Travis McElroy?

  Seminary and Jesus, Advanced Jesus Studies for Men. That's what it says here on the brochure. Yeah. Sponsored by Old Spice.

• 11:37Griffin McElroy?

  Old Spice presents Advanced Jesus Studies for Men?

• 11:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, by the way, Boggs's son's name was Cutter.

• 11:46Griffin McElroy?

  Cutter Boggs? Holy fucking shit, dude. That's awesome. That's really good.

• 11:53Travis McElroy?

  Cutter Boggs is a victim of circumstance.

• 11:56Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 11:57Travis McElroy?

  Like his name is Cutter Boggs and he was born Cutter Boggs and God bless him. He's gonna figure it out. Hey Cutter, there's still time, brother. Take it from us.

• 12:06Griffin McElroy?

  Use this as your launch pad.

• 12:07Travis McElroy?

  The three of us, literally.

• 12:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:09Travis McElroy?

  Take it from us. There's still time Cutter. We can offer you sanctuary, not like in our literal home, but.

• 12:16Griffin McElroy?

  Not here Cutter.

• 12:17Travis McElroy?

  But like metaphysical sanctuary.

• 12:20Griffin McElroy?

  There's pockets in the state where you'll be safe Cutter. Here, take this map with us. Take this map Cutter Boggs. Take this map. And this ring. No, that's my hot, that's my hot dog tour map. No, no, no. I've got it somewhere.

• 12:32Travis McElroy?

  This is, well, this is the map. It does say sightings of Mothman, but it also has a path drawn on it. That'll get you to some cool places.

• 12:40Griffin McElroy?

  Wear a rhododendron upon your lapel Cutter Boggs. That is how we will know you as one of ours.

• 12:48Travis McElroy?

  It feels so bad to be repeatedly just saying the name of this underage person that I guess just.

• 12:54Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, but this is not a slamming situation. Listen, no. With this name, you could be famous at anything. I feel like we're, I feel like there would be a famous basketball player named Cutter Boggs. Famous golf player. Golf, golf. Cutter Boggs.

• 13:10Travis McElroy?

  Boxing.

• 13:10Griffin McElroy?

  Boxing.

• 13:12Travis McElroy?

  Frankly, like some kind of like philanthropist billionaire playboy.

• 13:17Griffin McElroy?

  Launch. You are set up to launch off this event. This is wild that you've, and I'm sorry it didn't go your way, but still. You're at, you're.

• 13:24Travis McElroy?

  I might be for the best.

• 13:26Griffin McElroy?

  Might be.

• 13:26Travis McElroy?

  I'll also say, it makes me nervous to elevate people in this way, but Cutter Boggs is the West Virginia representative at Trump's Patriot Games. I think the only possibility is a reverse milkshake duck. It can only go.

• 13:42Griffin McElroy?

  It can only get better from here, gang.

• 13:43Travis McElroy?

  It can only, like you're.

• 13:45Griffin McElroy?

  Delighted.

• 13:46Travis McElroy?

  Still time Cutter, still time. Don't give up.

• 13:49Griffin McElroy?

  Don't give up.

• 13:49Travis McElroy?

  This is an advice show. We're going to help people, not just Cutter Boggs.

• 13:56Griffin McElroy?

  Goodbye.

• 13:56Travis McElroy?

  Everybody. We won't stop until Travis left.

• 14:00Griffin McElroy?

  Travis just fucking dipped, dude.

• 14:02Travis McElroy?

  He just checked out. He could come. Turn down the temperature in my office.

• 14:06Griffin McElroy?

  He had to turn down the temperature in his office.

• 14:07Travis McElroy?

  So warm.

• 14:09Griffin McElroy?

  We have hand signals for this shit that we have worked out.

• 14:11Travis McElroy?

  I held up one minute.

• 14:12Griffin McElroy?

  You did one. That's not gonna turn the temperature down in my office. That's like, that's pointing up and you're like dedicating it to the Lord. We agreed on this. When you point up, you're dedicating.

• 14:20Travis McElroy?

  Two things.

• 14:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 14:22Travis McElroy?

  I make it colder for the Lord.

• 14:24Griffin McElroy?

  You point down for temperature down. You do this.

• 14:26Travis McElroy?

  No, that's for the devil's coming.

• 14:28Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 14:29Travis McElroy?

  We've talked about this.

• 14:30Griffin McElroy?

  Devil always coming.

• 14:32Travis McElroy?

  On the cock. Uh, this, this, this fall, the devil comes on the cock. It's a show I'm pitching. Devil coming on the cock? You can't do that. No, no, no. Justin, it's being released by the cock.

• 14:44Griffin McElroy?

  Do you understand? We're never gonna work.

• 14:48Travis McElroy?

  You're never gonna work again.

• 14:49Griffin McElroy?

  There's thresholds and boundaries.

• 14:53Travis McElroy?

  In the devil?

• 14:54Griffin McElroy?

  No, here on the show.

• 14:55Travis McElroy?

  So he works with a detective to solve mysteries using his devil powers.

• 15:01Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  You're not gonna believe the first question. My boss wants me to make and sell a show to Netflix.

• 15:07Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 15:07Travis McElroy?

  I started a new job about five months ago, a social media manager for some local restaurants and venues. The pay isn't great, but hours are up to me. My boss has some pretty wacky requests, but I'm not being told he wants me and one other coworker to film a comedy competition of local people trying stand up and sell it to Netflix.

• 15:26Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck yes, dude.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  The venue is based in a village of 600 people. The wider region is about 50,000 people. The budget we have been given is $50,000. Give each of them a dollar.

• 15:40Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 15:42Travis McElroy?

  The budget we've been given is $50,000. That's including the prize money. How do I approach a clearly deluded boss? Is this a test on how far he can go before someone says no? And that's from apparently a TV producer. We'd all like to think that ridiculous requests are a test.

• 15:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Travis McElroy?

  It's not.

• 15:58Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, it's a, this is a thing that this person wants. They're not gonna give you $50,000.

• 16:05Travis McElroy?

  This, this stinks of AI to me. This stinks of the boss is like, hey AI, I had this idea. Is it good? And I was like, sounds good to me, boss. How much 50 Gs? Cash it. Do I have to pay it? No, you're, you're going to. Love it.

• 16:19Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. Great. I don't have money.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  Open up the disc tray. I'll print it out. I'll print out as many monies as you need. I would not watch a show about like open mic people trying to make it. Fuck Travis. I was trying to guess how that sentence would end, knowing you as long as I have it. I could not.

• 16:35Griffin McElroy?

  We found it. We found the one show.

• 16:37Travis McElroy?

  The one show Travis won't watch. What I would watch.

• 16:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:41Travis McElroy?

  Is a show about trying to make a show where people do stand up in a 600 person town. And you're trying to make a show out of that. Yes. You're basically wanting Nirvana, the band, the show, the documentary.

• 16:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:55Travis McElroy?

  The real life.

• 16:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Reality, reality TV is ready for this love, this meta layer. We're ready to step beyond it. Knowing that Big Brother's doing like time portals and shit like that, like that's awesome. Um, but it's, we've also reached the limit of what is possible with what we currently accept about reality television. What we need now is planning reality television sort of events with a budget. And whatever you don't spend of the budget, that's your prize money that you get to take home as a planner. That is the show I would absolutely watch. How are you gonna get this thing together for two Gs? And then the other 48, that's your, you pocket that immediately for the emotional turmoil.

• 17:36Travis McElroy?

  How would you split? Like you got 50.

• 17:38Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 17:38Travis McElroy?

  You gotta come up with a prize. How would you allocate? Like what kind of prize would you allocate? A thousand dollars seems like a lot.

• 17:46Griffin McElroy?

  For a village of 600 people, I think if you.

• 17:49Travis McElroy?

  Stand up open mic night comedy and you could somehow win. I don't, first of all, I also don't know how you win open mic night. Like that's a whole metric you're gonna have to work out. Judge O'Meter. But the only people who go to see open mic nights are also competing in the open mic night. Yeah, but at this, this, at this one, you're coming to see a TV show being filmed. Oh shit. Yeah, people love that shit. They got the people with the boards that are what all, you know, action. Have them voted out, like Survivor. Have the other comedians.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  I assume there will be some, there will be, oh, the comedians vote off other comedians. The only issue with that is that the cream is not gonna rise to the top. I don't think in that situation, Travis.

• 18:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I'm not watching it for the comedy, Griffin. I'm watching it for the drama.

• 18:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'd, can you get Christopher Guest to do that? Maybe the 50,000, maybe you set 45, 45 apart for the Christopher Guest spot. No, it's not a guest spot. He's gonna need to run this whole thing. Cause he's able to find.

• 18:53Travis McElroy?

  For a special guest.

• 18:54Griffin McElroy?

  He's able to, no, like Christopher producer, but that's not a fucking joke. That's like not anything. Do you understand? He's behind the show. He's making, he's making it and he's making it. And he's finding all, he's finding all the great stories.

• 19:07Travis McElroy?

  And introducing.

• 19:08Griffin McElroy?

  I quit. I quit the show. This is it.

• 19:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. We all wanted to know eight twenty seven market time of death.

• 19:20Travis McElroy?

  Eight twenty seven. Oh, the number of the episode.

• 19:22Griffin McElroy?

  Episode eight twenty seven. Sorry, Grif. You were saying?

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  He would be in charge of making the show.

• 19:26Griffin McElroy?

  No. Are you back?

• 19:28Travis McElroy?

  Or is it just me?

• 19:29Griffin McElroy?

  I'm here. Yeah, no, I mean, I'll finish the episode out for sure.

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that's a.

• 19:33Griffin McElroy?

  We got sponsors this week. Yeah.

• 19:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For the sponsors.

• 19:37Griffin McElroy?

  We do it for the sponsors for sure.

• 19:39Travis McElroy?

  He'll hang in there just as long as we have sponsors.

• 19:41Griffin McElroy?

  I'm back. I want a 10% raise. Say yes now or I'm gone again.

• 19:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:45Griffin McElroy?

  I'm a fickle kitty. I'm a fickle street cat. Don't fuck around with my contract.

• 19:50Travis McElroy?

  There is one person in this whole equation I want to see a TV show about. And it's the person who thought this was a good idea. You simply need to turn the camera on the boss for free. And say, tell me about some other very good ideas that you have.

• 20:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:07Travis McElroy?

  And let's just follow that thread wherever it leads. Like I, this person's a superstar.

• 20:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:12Travis McElroy?

  I want to know what their, what their next big idea is. And I'm on board. I just think you gotta chase, chase the story. And the story of this documentary is. Huh?

• 20:24Griffin McElroy?

  Huh?

• 20:24Travis McElroy?

  Do it. Huh? The cool thing too, because you would be doing this on Netflix, which easy, easy to get a show on Netflix. We've done it hundreds of times.

• 20:33Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  Um, is you could end, there's no set episode length, right? So you could end each episode, the moment you see realization dawn on your boss's face that what they're describing is a bad idea.

• 20:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:47Travis McElroy?

  And the episode just goes till that moment hits and immediately cut to credits, right?

• 20:52Griffin McElroy?

  That could be huge. Short.

• 20:54Travis McElroy?

  Tell me, and how would we do that? And like let boss keep talking and talking until they're like, hey, a bit. Huh?

• 21:02Griffin McElroy?

  Now, listen, we, we have a unique experience opportunity to offer this person, which is that we have pitched to Netflix before a couple of times.

• 21:09Travis McElroy?

  I was gonna say, the frustrating thing about this is you could get all this right and actually get to the point. Where Netflix is like, we gotta get you guys out to La La Land.

• 21:21Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  And get at a sit down. And then you'll go into Netflix's HQ and it's the scariest goddamn place you've ever been in.

• 21:28Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking so scary.

• 21:28Travis McElroy?

  Oscars just in the lobby.

• 21:31Griffin McElroy?

  Oscars in the lobby, big cardboard.

• 21:33Travis McElroy?

  Oscars.

• 21:33Griffin McElroy?

  Big cardboard beep bugs, fucking chilling.

• 21:36Travis McElroy?

  Beep bugs. They just have Gemma Gorgons walk by the window and wave at you to big time you like.

• 21:41Griffin McElroy?

  They've got rooms are named after.

• 21:43Travis McElroy?

  Five.

• 21:44Griffin McElroy?

  The rooms are named after more popular Netflix shows, as if to remind you that they don't need you. Towering statues of Millie Bobby Brown.

• 21:51Travis McElroy?

  Towering.

• 21:52Griffin McElroy?

  Towering statues of Millie Bobby Brown, like, like twin colossi.

• 21:56Travis McElroy?

  And they all say life size, which I've never seen Billy Bobby.

• 21:59Griffin McElroy?

  Never seen her in person.

• 22:00Travis McElroy?

  Billy Bobby Brown in real life. I don't know how tall she is.

• 22:06Travis McElroy?

  Some people call me eleven.

• 22:11Griffin McElroy?

  It's cool. What voice? I'm curious about that too.

• 22:14Travis McElroy?

  Billy Bob Bobby Brown.

• 22:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I see. I see. I see. I got you now.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  I got you. Yeah, it's, and then you, it is a very, it's a hugely scary place. But some of them are, we've pitched shows, pitched shows at a lot of different places. Uh, and some of them are a little less threatening. They're all different.

• 22:35Griffin McElroy?

  Some are chill vibes, dude.

• 22:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Hulu, they had snacks and a, and a charger vending machine that you could get chargers out of.

• 22:42Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 22:44Travis McElroy?

  We, none of them bought the shows. None of them bought. I said pitched, didn't I?

• 22:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:49Travis McElroy?

  I said pitched.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  Not caught.

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  Not sold.

• 22:53Griffin McElroy?

  The cock kinda bought it.

• 22:55Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the cock, yeah. The cock let it, let it dangle. Let it, the cock let it hang out upstairs to see if other situations would work out.

• 23:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 23:07Travis McElroy?

  It was a bit of a situation shit.

• 23:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:10Griffin McElroy?

  How about the next question?

• 23:12Travis McElroy?

  We had a longer history than Peacock, with Peacock than most of the people that we were in meetings with. Like, we had been at Peacock longer than.

• 23:19Griffin McElroy?

  Well, we're company men. We're NBC, we're NBC boys.

• 23:25Travis McElroy?

  There's nothing we like more than being shuffled off by NBC.

• 23:29Griffin McElroy?

  That's it.

• 23:31Travis McElroy?

  Uh.

• 23:31Griffin McElroy?

  My guys, it's just my, I gotta tell you now that we're on the other end of it. It was just my launchpad to get on American Ninja Warrior. You must understand that this whole thing was just to get my foot in the door so that I can then use that foot to propel myself through obstacles.

• 23:45Travis McElroy?

  Uh, my dasher just got stopped by Jehovah's Witnesses outside my house. They saw me. They're gonna knock on my door next and know that I'm actually home and ignoring them. What do I do? That's from pretending I'm not here in Pat.

• 24:00Griffin McElroy?

  This, this may not be the best starting point for this, but I've come to a very powerful realization. And it's a rude realization. It's out of step, I think, for the rest of my character and how I like to live my life. But if someone comes to your door and knocks on it. And they can even see you. They see you inside. You got all the windows open and you're partying. You don't have to go, you don't have to answer it. Did you know this? If someone comes to your door and they have a hat on and the hat says like, we're the tree, tree planters deluxe or like. Hella magazine subscriptions, uh, incorporated. And you see that and you think, I don't actually need that. I'm not gonna waste that person's time.

• 24:43Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not gonna waste my own time, certainly, and subject myself to an uncomfortable sort of sales pitch situation. I'm just gonna keep fucking chilling. There's no, there's nothing anyone can do about that.

• 24:55Travis McElroy?

  I had a terrible situation yesterday where one time, a couple of years ago, people came to the house. And Sydney was the one who answered the door and they tricked her into bug treatments. And I don't know if it was a trick. I don't know if you need these bug treatments or not, but these people come every month and I don't know what they're doing.

• 25:13Griffin McElroy?

  They take care of sick bugs. They take care of sick bugs. I got got by this one too.

• 25:17Travis McElroy?

  Physically and emotionally.

• 25:19Griffin McElroy?

  And emotional welfare for the.

• 25:21Travis McElroy?

  They're there to comfort them as well.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  Yesterday, they rang the doorbell. Why?

• 25:28Travis McElroy?

  Why?

• 25:28Griffin McElroy?

  Any bugs in there?

• 25:30Travis McElroy?

  I went up, yeah, bugs today, sir? No, I went up and I opened it and they were like, we're here for your monthly treatment. And I was like, okay. And they said, because it's raining, we're leaving it up to the customers as to what we do.

• 25:46Griffin McElroy?

  Leave.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  What the fuck? I said, what? And he said, well, because of the rain and we don't want to make stains. And so we're just kinda leaving it up to each customer. So just want to know what you, what you wanted us to do. I don't know what these cats do on a good day.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 26:03Travis McElroy?

  I don't know what they do on a sunny day. And that like.

• 26:06Griffin McElroy?

  Also, why did they come then?

• 26:08Travis McElroy?

  Why did you come? Why did you call?

• 26:12Griffin McElroy?

  You should.

• 26:12Travis McElroy?

  I can look like an asshole on the phone.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Could you, is anyone gonna respond to that? I want the stains.

• 26:18Travis McElroy?

  I want the stains, huh? Tell me more.

• 26:21Griffin McElroy?

  Scotty.

• 26:22Travis McElroy?

  I said, I leave it to your good judgment. Cause that's the only, that's the truth. What would you do in my situation? I don't know. I regretted opening the door. I shouldn't have opened the door.

• 26:34Griffin McElroy?

  You don't have to open the door. They're not gonna smash in through the, ah, you have to let me sell you trees. Like, you don't have to. The cops are gonna come smashing. Did you not answer the door for this guy? He saw you had solar panels, but he wanted to put solar panels on top of those solar panels. And it sucks that you didn't answer it. It's, I think it's against the law. Let me check the law book.

• 26:54Travis McElroy?

  I have, uh, two beautiful dogs that bark when people knock at the door. And for a long time, I considered that a frustration. Oh, I wish my dogs didn't bark when someone knocks at the door. But then I realized my dog's making quite a ruckus when someone knocks at the door. Gives me this like inherent like, hey, person knocking at my door that I don't know. You have already inconvenienced me and I haven't even opened the door yet.

• 27:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  They're very taken something from you. You are on the back foot. So now I can crack the door and be like, what? No, I can't, ah, and then close the door and like.

• 27:32Griffin McElroy?

  That's a gift though.

• 27:33Travis McElroy?

  That's all I can do, right? It works.

• 27:38Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I hit him with a lot of, it's dinner, um, sorry, just kids are huge for this. Be like, I can't, man, I just got, I'm making my kids dinner right now. I can't. Like, no one's gonna be like, stop making your kids dinner. Stop making your kids dinner right this exact moment.

• 27:51Travis McElroy?

  I've also just turned around and walked inside.

• 27:53Griffin McElroy?

  Well, that's ruder than not answering the door, man.

• 27:56Travis McElroy?

  Well, this is after I tried to end like, oh, no, thank you. I'm not interested. Well, but let me tell you more about, I'm like, no. And I just walk inside.

• 28:04Griffin McElroy?

  Now, listen, I don't want to stymie the economy any more than I already have. Sorry, everyone, for all the inflation and stuff.

• 28:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Griffin, we've been meaning to talk to you about that.

• 28:13Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not the type of person that could put up a sign outside of my home that says like, no solicitors or anything like that. That feels like, I don't know, gross to me, I guess, classist perhaps in a way now.

• 28:27Travis McElroy?

  Or this house protected by Smith and Wesson, that kind of thing.

• 28:29Griffin McElroy?

  Well, that's obviously an enormous escalation from what I was saying.

• 28:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying.

• 28:34Griffin McElroy?

  Mine is like a sign that I think normal people.

• 28:36Travis McElroy?

  Signs that say like, we don't call 911, we just shoot.

• 28:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, something like that. I don't see that in Griffin's nature.

• 28:43Griffin McElroy?

  If you ring this doorbell, I'm gonna fucking kill you, Michael.

• 28:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:48Travis McElroy?

  Those signs are so, man, those people really hate when people come over.

• 28:53Griffin McElroy?

  I have a shotgun loaded. It's low, it's pointing through the mail slot. So this better be good or else I'm gonna Kevin McCallister your dick off.

• 29:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:01Griffin McElroy?

  I'll make you a real sticky bandit in your pants when I shoot your dick off with this shotgun I have ready.

• 29:06Travis McElroy?

  It's a huge sign.

• 29:07Griffin McElroy?

  It's a huge banner that waves from above your, listen, I don't want to destroy the economy. I'm not saying put out a sign that says no solicitors. What we should normalize is signs that say what you are interested in buying.

• 29:20Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 29:21Griffin McElroy?

  So like, say like, some solicitors see below and then below that, you're gonna have other signs that say like. I mean, candy bars always, snacks, pretty much always. If you come to my door and you're selling snacks and it's like for your band or whatever. Yeah, like I'll get absolutely a hundred percent of the time. I'll put some real flyers out there like, if you have retro video game, I don't know why you'd be going door to door with those. It's unlikely. But I'm just thinking of stuff that I want more of in my home. And it's a pretty, it's a pretty small list.

• 29:54Travis McElroy?

  I would also accept if the pitch people had like some Harold Hill level, like they've got a whole shtick. And like, uh, you know, a suitcase full of brushes or like vacuum cleaners and they're gonna do a whole like. Like if they're gonna do a rainbow vacuum demonstration.

• 30:09Griffin McElroy?

  Suitcases only then, just like only suitcase solicitor. Yeah, yeah.

• 30:12Travis McElroy?

  And if they can do it in kind of a powder song thing that really enchants me and makes me buy 76 trombones or something like.

• 30:21Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man.

• 30:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I do. Yeah, I want that kind of magic in my life.

• 30:26Griffin McElroy?

  You know, the song in the Music Man isn't him trying to sell someone 76 trombones, right? You know, it's not him. It's not him.

• 30:35Travis McElroy?

  Not just 76 trombones. It's a huge parade he's describing, 110 cornets.

• 30:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. He's not like, "Come by my five dozen trombones, please."

• 30:45Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, now be careful, dude. How much is five dozen?

• 30:48Griffin McElroy?

  Five dozen? That's easy, Justin.

• 30:51Travis McElroy?

  Now, listen, you got in a lot of hot water on TikTok recently for messing up how many five dozen is in that TikTok about Gaston eating eggs. It created a huge internet firestorm.

• 31:02Griffin McElroy?

  Five dozen is, man, can we talk about the comments in that one? I don't know we've ever stepped in it as bad, because it was the bit where we talked about...

• 31:08Travis McElroy?

  Interesting, we. We, yeah.

• 31:10Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, not me miscounting how much five dozen is. Five dozen is 60, obviously. So, this would be six and a half dozen. Six and a third dozen. Eggs, trombones, the egg thing. We said it's weird to go through at the grocery store and you look through the cartons and if you see one with a bad egg, can you swap it into another carton? And put a good egg in there to make a dozen good eggs. We said, "No, no one does that. Put it back and look for a better carton." Guys, I don't know if you've checked out the discourse in the comments of this post, but there's people who feel very strongly about this in both directions.

• 31:51Travis McElroy?

  What are they saying, Griffin?

• 31:52Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I mean, there's a lot of people, and maybe this should be the authoritative source, there's people in the comments who work at grocery stores and like, "Yes, do it." What do you think we're gonna do? Throw away 11 good eggs? Like, when they expire because one is cracked in the carton? You mix them all up and then you leave it open? And then when someone comes by who works for the grocery store, they see an open carton with 12 broken eggs? They know this one's done. The trash can here of eggs, we put that away. We're not just gonna throw away 11 good eggs. How are they gonna get sold?

• 32:23Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah, but I'm not getting paid to do that.

• 32:28Griffin McElroy?

  But here's the thing, is that people were pissed off at us for it, for saying these things.

• 32:34Travis McElroy?

  People got mad at us?

• 32:35Griffin McElroy?

  People got mad at us for saying to just put it back and make it someone else's problem. I understand now, looking at it through that lens, how it could seem like not the most tasteful. I think we're of one mind. I think we're in an accord. But so, this is, I guess, one of our more public service announcements. You can absolutely swap the eggs around. The people at the grocery store like it when you do that, actually.

• 32:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm gonna make a strong stance and say that whatever way you, the listener, feel about this, I agree with you. I would actually, if we could infringe on our listeners again, specifically our grocery store, I always wonder about this. Do you want people to bring the carts back? Or do you like going outside?

• 33:18Griffin McElroy?

  Cool. Yeah, good question.

• 33:20Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Like, would you prefer if there's a bunch of carts out there so you can go out and vape? Or do you want me to bring the cart back? What's the nicer thing? What's the better part of valor, I guess? Like, because I always thought you bring it back to the cart to make it easier for the person who has to come out and get the carts. It's just like, and to not hit other people's things, right? But maybe like, that's a pretty good gig.

• 33:41Griffin McElroy?

  Cool chill part.

• 33:42Travis McElroy?

  If you get out, like, obviously weather permitting. When I was, when I worked at PetSmart, I was like a merch manager or something. And I was talking with like, the manager of the store, and I was looking through like the supplies you can order for the store. And our parking lot didn't have a cart corral thing. And I was like, "Oh, we should get one of those." And he said with such confidence and assuredness, "Oh, people don't like that." And I, that I was left speechless.

• 34:14Griffin McElroy?

  There's so much stuff we don't know. There's so much wonderful things we don't know that we should, that we could learn about, that we should know. I don't know. Maybe this is the new farm wisdom, is grocery store guidance.

• 34:24Travis McElroy?

  I would like to, yeah. You know, I'd like to hear from our grocery store workers. They're, I don't know.

• 34:29Griffin McElroy?

  Is there a way to know when the sprayers are about to come on at the produce section so I don't get blasted?

• 34:34Travis McElroy?

  It makes like rainforest thunderstorm noises before it happens. They do that at the Kroger, at the Cha Cha, this is a perfect example of privilege, right? They do it at the Cha Cha Kroger, so you think it's normal. You go to, you go to West End Kroger, the First Street Kroger.

• 34:52Griffin McElroy?

  They don't know thunder. There's someone waiting there with a camera on the produce and a switch that will launch the pressurized water at you if you lean too far over the broccolis.

• 35:02Travis McElroy?

  Uh, let's take a break. Let's head over to the money zone, yeah?

• 35:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 35:06Travis McElroy?

  Let's do it. Every time that you have an idea, people tell you to go get a journal and write it down. That's the popular wisdom. And I'm gonna tell you something a little bit different. What if every time you had an idea, you made a Squarespace website about it? "Hi, my name is Justin McElroy, and I'm a paid endorser for Squarespace. And if you haven't made a website with Squarespace yet, it is time to see what you've been missing." Whatever thought you have, the next thought... Now, Justin, be careful with this, because I'm on this call too. This is my new tagline, right? First thought, best thought, website.

• 35:50Travis McElroy?

  First thought, Squarespace. Squarespace. Whatever the first thing that you think of, say puff marshmallow, whatever it is, first thing that pops in your head, website.

• 35:58Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, but like, what if my, what if my like, idea is like Hershey's chocolate?

• 36:03Travis McElroy?

  Hershey's chocolate, website.

• 36:05Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, I can't...

• 36:06Travis McElroy?

  Here's my idea.

• 36:07Griffin McElroy?

  I'm registering Hershey. I'm going to...

• 36:09Travis McElroy?

  What? His, his, he... His, his chocolate.

• 36:13Griffin McElroy?

  His, his chocolate.

• 36:14Travis McElroy?

  Him, his chocolate.

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  His, he's chocolate.

• 36:16Travis McElroy?

  For men. For men.

• 36:18Griffin McElroy?

  Advanced chocolate for dudes.

• 36:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Patriot chocolate, man. Sponsored by Old Spice.

• 36:23Griffin McElroy?

  So, go to Squarespace, you're gonna register dude choc, and you're gonna start designing, and it's gonna be so easy, because they have beautiful templates and like drag and drop technology for you to like, I don't know, make it look like you know what you're doing, website design wise, but really Squarespace knows what they're doing. The thing that you know how to do is to use the right thing for this.

• 36:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you don't need, you don't need a big fancy website design degree. Squarespace is gonna help you through every step of the process.

• 36:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:49Travis McElroy?

  And they got real people to support you. If you need support, they'll support you. They got you.

• 36:52Griffin McElroy?

  They'll let you commit fraud, saying you have a website design degree, and you show them the website you made on Squarespace, and you're like, "Yeah, I did all this." Squarespace says you're allowed to do that.

• 37:01Travis McElroy?

  Yep. They don't love fraud. They don't love fraud, I'll say. They love fraud. Head on over to Squarespace.com.

• 37:07Griffin McElroy?

  Did you say they love frog?

• 37:08Travis McElroy?

  They don't love fraud.

• 37:09Griffin McElroy?

  I love that commercial, man.

• 37:11Travis McElroy?

  Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You've heard of Aura farming, but have you heard of Aura framing? "Hi, I'm Travis McElroy, a youth, and I want to tell you about Aura Frames. The best way to Aura farm..."

• 37:35Griffin McElroy?

  It's almost there.

• 37:36Travis McElroy?

  So, God, Travis, honestly, like, at first I was like, eh, then I was like, huh, and now I'm like, ugh.

• 37:41Griffin McElroy?

  There's an opportunity here, yeah.

• 37:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, there's something. There isn't, because I didn't have anywhere to go with it, is the problem.

• 37:50Griffin McElroy?

  The words look very similar, yeah.

• 37:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I thought of Aura or a farming, and then it's like, after a hard day out in the fields, farming your aura, maybe you just wanna rest at home in like a comfortable recliner, looking at pictures of family and friends and good times, as they scroll past on your Aura Frame, and you sip, "Oh, what's a cool thing to sip? Mountain Dew Baja Blast." I love that. My Aura Frame cycles through a lot of great family memories, and I find it's a really great conversation starter. We keep it in the living room, and as it goes through, we see pictures from our family's history, and people ask us about them. It's a great opportunity to like reminisce and talk about days gone by. Just don't put any nudes on there.

• 38:34Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah, so Aura Frames is a great, we're making so many jokes about what is essentially an amazing, amazing product, and talking about...

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  I wasn't making a joke. I said it's a great chance to reminisce and talk about days gone by.

• 38:48Griffin McElroy?

  You said the thing about don't put nudes on it.

• 38:50Travis McElroy?

  I assume that was edited out. I have to assume.

• 38:53Griffin McElroy?

  You can't say stuff assuming it's gonna get edited out. It's such a huge danger.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  Okay, then I'll just write it down, I guess, in a little notebook? Like, what do you want, what do you want me to do?

• 39:07Griffin McElroy?

  You have these thoughts, they have to be expressed.

• 39:10Travis McElroy?

  Justin already said first thought, best thought. What, you whisper it into a jar? Make a Squarespace website about it?

• 39:17Griffin McElroy?

  It's Justin's cancellation jar. It's Justin's blackmail jar. Crack it open in case of emergencies. Uh, these things are great. They're great gifts for people who aren't so tech savvy, because you can set up all the photos and stuff before they even ship. And, uh, you know, they're just, they're really, really good digital picture frames. I have like, a couple of them, and...

• 39:36Travis McElroy?

  I don't even know how they fit all the photos in there.

• 39:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, another great, another great question.

• 39:41Travis McElroy?

  Also, you can upload, you can upload the photos like directly from your phone through the Aura app.

• 39:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:47Travis McElroy?

  And I do that all the time, where we get home from taking a family trip somewhere, or whatever fun thing we're doing, and just immediately put them on there before you forget.

• 39:55Griffin McElroy?

  And maybe the kids are being bad, and you gotta sneak a photo of Babadook on there.

• 39:59Travis McElroy?

  There's options. So, check out Aura Frames, named number one by Wirecutter. You can save now by visiting AuraFrames.com. For a limited time, listeners can get $35 off select frames plus free shipping with code MYBROTHER. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code MYBROTHER, all one word. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Andrew Reich, and I host Dead Pilot Society, and I am here with Max Fun Member of the Month Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show, and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.

• 40:36Speaker 05

  Pleasure to meet you.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

• 40:42Speaker 05

  I'm spending all this time listening and enjoying them for content, because it's not like just supporting one podcast either, it's supporting a whole network of people. So, I feel like the dollar really goes a long way.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Can't tell you how much we appreciate it, and as our Member of the Month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special Member of the Month bumper sticker. You can take that car with that bumper sticker and drive it to the parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, which will be there just for you.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  I might have to get one of my friends to bring like a cardboard cutout of me, who lives in Los Angeles, just to show that I was there.

• 41:25Speaker 06

  Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to MaximumFun.org/join.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  Hey, Max Fun listeners, it's me, Jackie Kation. I have a podcast with Lori Kilmartin. Say hi, Lori. Hi, Jacqueline. Hi, Max Fun listeners. Why not very formal? We have a podcast, and it's about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much we...

• 41:48Griffin McElroy?

  Just like some of it. So listen to that podcast. It's called the Jackie and Laurie Show.

• 41:53Travis McElroy?

  We drop new episodes every Wednesday that gives us plenty of time to decompress from our comedy weekends and discuss things with sane, level heads. No, it doesn't. If you are a woman our age or a man our age, or you know what? Any person of any age, I think you'll enjoy your podcast. Jackie and Laurie Show on MaximumFun.org. Bye.

• 42:27Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch.

• 42:28Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 42:32Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 42:34Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. This one push, I got two. The first one's just like, the, the second was like, the first was like, can we not? And then the second was like, can we not? Okay? Okay. The first one.

• 43:03Travis McElroy?

  Damn, I might be angry about the first one now that I say it. Finally, a bagel you can drink.

• 43:10Travis McElroy?

  Finally, finally, a bagel you can drink.

• 43:16Travis McElroy?

  It's everything bagel latte. And I've looked at these words long enough that I no longer remember what each of them mean independently. This is a finally a bagel you can finally.

• 43:26Griffin McElroy?

  Finally, a bagel.

• 43:28Travis McElroy?

  Finally. It's what we've all been asking for.

• 43:32Griffin McElroy?

  A bagel you can drink. There's a lot of italics we could apply to that short sentence to make it mean a bunch of different stuff. Like finally, a bagel you can drink. Justin, with your special mouth.

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  I've been trying for years just pushing the straw against a bagel and it doesn't work.

• 43:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 43:50Travis McElroy?

  Coffee and a bagel schmeard with, a good word.

• 43:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, all timer. Yeah, for sure.

• 43:56Travis McElroy?

  Schmeard with cream cheese have long been a beloved breakfast pairing. Now Philadelphia, the inventor of cream cheese and the coffee experts at Ziggy's Coffee are teaming up to reimagine the morning routine with a creamy new combination inspired by the iconic duo. Introducing the Philadelphia Everything Bagel Latte. The limited time beverage marks Philadelphia's debut into the drinks category and Ziggy's first ever savory latte. No.

• 44:30Griffin McElroy?

  Now, keep an open mind, Travis. I like bagels. I like coffee. I don't see.

• 44:34Travis McElroy?

  I like orange juice and I like eggs. If someone was like, so we blended up the eggs and the orange juice into one drink, you sloppy bad boy. Not getting here. You could be out the door so much faster if you just slam this egg juice.

• 44:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  Featuring Ziggy's fan favorite iced latte topped with Philadelphia, hell of a thing to do to your fans. Top with Philadelphia cream cheese cold foam.

• 45:01Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:01Travis McElroy?

  And finished with everything bagel seasoning.

• 45:04Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. Okay, hold on.

• 45:07Travis McElroy?

  The texture just hit a little bit, huh?

• 45:10Griffin McElroy?

  Tapping out, tapping out. That's wild. Give me a bagel flavored beverage with cream cheese icing foam on top. Like, okay, weird. I'm gonna have some weird flavor associations and it's gonna make it probably turn into an unpleasant slurry in my mouth. That's fine. You're gonna sprinkle some fucking sesame seeds, some furukake on top. I can't be bothered. I can't have a bunch of little guys floating around in my, in my breakfast beverage. That's wild, man.

• 45:36Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna be so embarrassed when they remember that cream cheese is also used to make cheesecake and you could have made a cheesecake latte.

• 45:45Griffin McElroy?

  The whole time.

• 45:45Travis McElroy?

  And everyone would have lost their minds.

• 45:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Travis McElroy?

  The Philadel- this is a quote. The Philadelphia Everything Bagel Latte is a fun way to showcase the versatility of our cream cheese while staying true to the flavor combination consumers already know and love. Man, three letters there doing so much work. Yeah. It's fun. It is fun. And this is a quote from Tracy Graziani, head of away from home brand and trade marketing for Philadelphia cream cheese. Phew. It's a fun company.

• 46:23Travis McElroy?

  Oh, me? Why does it sound like a place that rescues lost dogs? Yeah. Me, I'm in charge of when you leave your house and see cream cheese. Yeah. Me, my gig is if you're not at home and you see cream cheese, that's my ass. Yeah. When you're away from home.

• 46:40Travis McElroy?

  I did it. You're not home, you never expect to see cream cheese. It can be off putting. We know that. You're like, what's it doing out here in the wild? You're gonna hit it. My job is to raise the profile of outside cream cheese. Hey, everyone, there's cream cheese here. Careful, we got cream cheese right here in River City with a capital C and that rhymes with B and that stands for bagel. Hi, I've got a latte for you. Where are you going? Come back.

• 47:06Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, you didn't get your sprinkles.

• 47:09Travis McElroy?

  Whether on a bagel, in a recipe, or now in your morning coffee, Philadelphia continues to deliver the creamy taste that makes every bite or sip really Philly good.

• 47:20Griffin McElroy?

  Really Philly good.

• 47:22Travis McElroy?

  You guys had to get one, didn't you?

• 47:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:24Travis McElroy?

  Really Philly good. Really Philly good.

• 47:26Griffin McElroy?

  Happy tastes Philly good.

• 47:28Travis McElroy?

  To say.

• 47:29Griffin McElroy?

  We're always looking for partnerships that let us do something we haven't done before.

• 47:34Travis McElroy?

  Make money.

• 47:34Griffin McElroy?

  This one took us, this one took us further than any of them. That's from Stacy Kane, chief strategic projects and partnerships from Ziggy Coffee. Hey, Tracy Graziani, it's Stacy Kane. Hold on to your fucking ass. I'm about to blow your goddamn mind. You ever have coffee, idiot?

• 47:53Griffin McElroy?

  You ever dump, you know how you tired of dumping a huge lump of cream cheese in your coffee every morning? Tracy, call me back, Tracy. You have to leave a message for me the last time.

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  Also, mom said we're having dinner at eight. Don't be late. Bye.

• 48:07Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not on Ambien anymore, Tracy. These are perfectly lucid thoughts, Tracy.

• 48:12Travis McElroy?

  It's 9 a.m. and it's still a good idea. Ziggy's has done seasonal, we've done bold, but savory is a new territory for our drink lineup. Philadelphia was the right partner to get there because this isn't just a flavor mashup. It's built on a bagel breakfast sandwich flavor our guests already love. Again, that's not a guarantee of anything.

• 48:34Griffin McElroy?

  I love so many drinks.

• 48:36Travis McElroy?

  She says it's a drink that earns its moment. Hmm, huh. That is poetic. I've never. That's a very poetic way to say absolutely nothing.

• 48:45Griffin McElroy?

  Never sipped a beverage and then looked at the beverage and said like, you belong.

• 48:50Travis McElroy?

  You earned this.

• 48:51Griffin McElroy?

  You earned my mouth.

• 48:52Travis McElroy?

  Real you. I have another story though, and this one is the one that really.

• 49:01Travis McElroy?

  Munches your squad.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  Trav, that's a beautiful way of putting it and I thank you.

• 49:08Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, you're fucking kidding me.

• 49:10Travis McElroy?

  Wait, from who? From who? Exactly, exactly, exactly, boys. Fucking exactly. Now, I'm gonna close this press release. It says, our chicken sandwich has arrived. Declare your allegiance. I'm not gonna tell you who's done this. You're gonna have to tell me who's done this.

• 49:28Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I'm just trying to remember. I, I feel like most people.

• 49:30Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna leave the brand out of it.

• 49:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 49:33Travis McElroy?

  Seven years after a viral, the arrogance of this is people have died. I have to remind people that the chicken sandwich wars did claim a life.

• 49:43Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 49:45Travis McElroy?

  At least seven years after.

• 49:46Griffin McElroy?

  That we know, at least one that we know.

• 49:48Travis McElroy?

  At least one that we know of. Forget the shattered homes. Seven years after a viral debate reshaped the conversation around chicken sandwiches is inviting fans to officially declare their allegiance with the launch of its long awaited new crispy chicken sandwich. Have they had chicken sandwiches before? Yeah, this is gonna be the best one, apparently. Juicy and hand breaded crispy chicken sandwich is also available in deluxe, featuring lettuce and tomato. And for a limited time, Nashville Hot, hey, if you sell one and then also launch alongside a deluxe, that is an admission of weakness from the jump. Yeah. Justin, can I make a guess?

• 50:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Are you ready to make a guess?

• 50:31Travis McElroy?

  Yes, I am. Chick-fil-A.

• 50:35Travis McElroy?

  They, Travis, true it Kathy for all of his complicated positions, did invent the chicken sandwich. So I will ask. I asked if they had chicken sandwiches before and you said yes. After years spent perfecting the recipe, I, I didn't even clock that you asked that question. I don't know what I said yes to, Trav. Honestly, I'm, after years spent perfecting the recipe, is confident its newest menu offering is the best chicken sandwich around. Now, the iconic American chicken chain, or sorry, the iconic American restaurant chain is inviting devoted chicken sandwich loyalists to put that claim to the test and declare their allegiance. So they are playing in the vocabulary of war.

• 51:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:16Travis McElroy?

  They know what they're doing. From the August 17th through the 23rd at participating locations, guests are invited to try crispy deluxe or Nashville hot chicken sandwich with a buy one, get one free offer upon request.

• 51:29Griffin McElroy?

  So you have to say specifically, I'll have a free one. Thanks.

• 51:32Travis McElroy?

  Okay. For the last seven years, chicken sandwich fans have been picking sides and we've been behind the scenes perfecting our crispy chicken sandwich recipe, says Betty Schmatt. And this might be giving, might be giving a little bit too much away if I say Betty Schmatt, but it is Betty Schmatt, CEO and president of, we know chicken sandwich loyalties run.

• 51:55Travis McElroy?

  Deep, but we believe one bite will win fans over. It's that good. We're confident that once you try it, you will declare your loyalty to this new chicken sandwich lineup. Arrived seven years after the now infamous you good tweet sparked a feeding frenzy in fast food drive throughs. This is a history in a press release of a tweet. And they don't even say who it's about. In fast food drive throughs across the country and redefine how Americans talk about chicken sandwiches. The fun doesn't end with the first bite. Blank is inviting fans to make it official at a website where they can share an official loyalty pledge to this new chicken sandwich lineup. Jesus Christ alive. Join the draft.

• 52:40Travis McElroy?

  Travis, their Instagram handles will be proudly inducted into the A and W Hall of Heroes. What's A and W?

• 52:49Griffin McElroy?

  Slash database.

• 52:51Travis McElroy?

  A and W. Guys, the fucking root beer rest. Can you imagine if you're in casual conversation with some of your nearest and dearest and the topic of chicken sandwiches comes up and one lunatic leans forward and says, best I ever had was A and W.

• 53:07Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, is that the answer to the?

• 53:08Travis McElroy?

  I, yes, I mentioned at the end there and I've been saying it repeatedly. A and W, guys. Fucking A and W. You have to go to the closed Charleston Town Center to have the best chicken sandwich in America. It's right next to a shuttered Orange Julius. There's a spot. A and W? A spot betwixt, I believe Cincinnati and Columbus where there's a combination A and W and like Long John Silver's I could go to. It's a combo A and W and like, uh, Flying J. Yes.

• 53:39Travis McElroy?

  How many A and W restaurants are there?

• 53:45Travis McElroy?

  How many A or W restaurants are there? I'm going to say in the contiguous United States. In the contiguous United States.

• 53:53Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I thought you were asking your computer. I didn't know you were asking.

• 53:55Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm asking you guys.

• 53:57Griffin McElroy?

  Seventy-three. Seventy-three, Jesus, that's, I would say fifty. Nice even fifty.

• 54:04Travis McElroy?

  So there's eight hundred and fifty of these motherfuckers in America. Where? Where are they? They're all around, look behind you. Look behind you. Inside every abandoned mall, there's twenty-five A and W restaurants. That's the back rooms. The back rooms contains the A and W.

• 54:21Griffin McElroy?

  A and W, yeah.

• 54:23Travis McElroy?

  So if you guys go to AW allegiance. Nope. Dot com.

• 54:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 54:29Travis McElroy?

  You can, you can declare, guys, go to the website because it is like the, it's like a hand.

• 54:34Griffin McElroy?

  Gotta remember how to spell allegiance. Oh, wow. This is true. They are appropriating some iconography that feels, uh, insensitive, I'll say. Not just in the context of they are making light.

• 54:49Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God.

• 54:50Griffin McElroy?

  Of an actual war that led to human, the extinguishing of human lives. But I don't know, man. I feel like if I saw a group of people walking down the street wearing this pen. And I couldn't read the part on the pen where it mentions chicken sandwiches. I would think this is one of them marches. This is one of them bad marches.

• 55:11Travis McElroy?

  Here's how you declare your allegiance. Here's how you do it. You make a pledge to A and W in the comment section of our rivals Instagram page. That's what you do. You go, you go.

• 55:26Griffin McElroy?

  So thirsty, it's so fucking thirsty, dude.

• 55:29Travis McElroy?

  And you type into their comments, A and W has got my vote. A and W is where I hang my hat. Jesus Christ.

• 55:38Griffin McElroy?

  Then you, then you swing by your hometown A and W for buy one, get one free chicken sandwiches, August seventeenth to twenty-third. So let me just, is there a causal link between these two events? Do you have to, at the register of the A and W show where you hopped into the Hardee's chat and said some shit, uh, trying to get some shit going? And then they're like, awesome, buy one chicken sandwich and we'll give you a bonus one right now.

• 56:03Travis McElroy?

  You'd go ask for it.

• 56:05Griffin McElroy?

  You'll probably just do it, right?

• 56:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I think they'll let you buy a sandwich one way or the other. There is a message that you, that you can, uh, copy to just to say, oh, my God. Okay, so that, okay. So you copy a message and after you press a button to copy a message, you go to one of the rivals, Popeyes or Chick-fil-A. Oh, my God, yeah, it's right there in the website, huh?

• 56:28Griffin McElroy?

  They got their names right there. I mean, they blurred them out, but that, I mean, it's the worst blur ever. It's clearly Popeyes.

• 56:33Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna go, I'm supposed to go to Chick-fil-A and I'm gonna go to their comments and their first, um, and I'm gonna see if anybody has done this at all.

• 56:43Griffin McElroy?

  Doesn't look like it.

• 56:44Travis McElroy?

  Doesn't look like it. I'm gonna be the first, I'm gonna be the first person. If I'm logged into Instagram, if I'm not, there it is.

• 56:55Travis McElroy?

  Okay, a ball's in your court now, A and W. Put me on your wall of heroes. I await, I await my plaudits. I'm the only one who's done it. I'm probably the most powerful person in the A and W company right now. Help me out. You'll be a general, Justin. Thank you, A and W. You are their chicken Caesar.

• 57:18Griffin McElroy?

  This would be like CC's Pizza, putting out a new promotion where it's like. You guys still, you guys like Pizza Rat? Um, we're doing a whole Pizza Rat thing. It's a come and chomp down pizza like it's 2019.

• 57:34Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Salt Bay, more like, like, no, don't do this. No. It is, it is a, it is a pretty wild press release that would, they will just say like.

• 57:45Griffin McElroy?

  Seven, we're seven years late.

• 57:46Travis McElroy?

  Seven years too late. We get it. We get it, we get it, we get it.

• 57:49Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 57:50Travis McElroy?

  It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Doug was on vacation when it happened and he just came in and he was like, guys, I got a good idea. We just, he really wanted to do one. So like, just, here's a question is what color is the dress? That's the only thing. Yeah.

• 58:05Griffin McElroy?

  And it's just one question. We told them we would do it. So just like, real quick, let's just like, what does David do after dentist? He goes to basket.

• 58:11Travis McElroy?

  Just like, yeah, like Yanni or Laurel. You guys know what I mean?

• 58:15Griffin McElroy?

  Charlie bit my finger and then he ate our Popeyes chicken tenders. Fuck.

• 58:21Travis McElroy?

  Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era, but you knew that already because I say it at the beginning. Unless you tuned in in the middle, which I don't even know.

• 58:31Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes they catch us, sometimes they catch us by surprise.

• 58:34Travis McElroy?

  Hey, coming up, October ninth of the town hall in NYC, the besties live on Broadway. Get your tickets bit dot O Y slash besties on Broadway.

• 58:44Griffin McElroy?

  Come see us.

• 58:44Travis McElroy?

  There'll be show tunes, uh, flashy outfits.

• 58:48Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe. Hey, story and song, the last Taz Balance graphic novel adaptation written by us and dad and illustrated by Kerry Peach. It's out now. The Adventure Zone Comic dot com is where you can go to grab it. Uh, we're, we're so proud of it and, uh, I bet if you listen to Taz Balance, you're gonna be real into it. Got some new merch in the merch store. We got that stick with it, big boy card designed by, uh, Matty Vian. Uh, and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Native Women Lead, which revolutionizes systems and inspires innovation by investing in native women in business. Uh, again, all of our merch over at McElroy merch dot com. Have you thrown the freshest big boy?

• 59:27Travis McElroy?

  I haven't. No, I haven't.

• 59:28Griffin McElroy?

  I got my own and he's like rubber, so he'll be okay if I want it.

• 59:32Travis McElroy?

  Maybe I did throw the big boy. Is there a comparison? Griffin, throw your big boy.

• 59:35Griffin McElroy?

  I'll throw my big boy. It might be, I gotta tell you though, gang. I did move Baradur behind my desk. And so now the, the stakes could not be higher because I've got like an, uh, seven thousand piece Lego joint, like right there that if I hit, that's weeks, that's weeks.

• 59:53Travis McElroy?

  Did you get that? Did you get that big boy at the Peddler Mall?

• 59:57Griffin McElroy?

  Did I get this big boy at the Peddler Mall? Yes.

• 59:59Travis McElroy?

  I got my big boy at the Peddler Mall too.

• 1:00:01Griffin McElroy?

  Might be the same big boy. Maybe we should throw something else.

• 1:00:03Travis McElroy?

  Did you lose your big boy, Griffin?

• 1:00:04Griffin McElroy?

  No, I haven't, but if we've already thrown a big boy, I got my college diploma.

• 1:00:08Travis McElroy?

  Don't.

• 1:00:09Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's got like a case on it.

• 1:00:12Travis McElroy?

  Throw your big boy.

• 1:00:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, throw that.

• 1:00:17Griffin McElroy?

  It's a nice sized college diploma. I can throw this and try not to break Baradur.

• 1:00:21Travis McElroy?

  You could get some, you could get some damage with that. Yeah, for sure.

• 1:00:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'll probably throw it flat, sort of frisbee style, not like.

• 1:00:26Travis McElroy?

  Wait, Griffin, throw it nonchalantly over your shoulder.

• 1:00:30Griffin McElroy?

  Towards Baradur?

• 1:00:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but don't look. What, don't look, no look.

• 1:00:34Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not gonna throw it over my shoulder and destroy Saarron's Castle.

• 1:00:38Travis McElroy?

  Over your shoulder like a continental soldier.

• 1:00:41Griffin McElroy?

  Look at all of the shit that's on my desk.

• 1:00:42Travis McElroy?

  Frobo would destroy it. Frobo would destroy that. Yeah, Mr. Frobo.

• 1:00:48Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, this is gonna suck. I hate this.

• 1:00:53Griffin McElroy?

  I think we're good. I think it actually went good, actually. I think that actually went so good.

• 1:00:58Travis McElroy?

  It's almost went bad though. That was really actually compelling TV.

• 1:01:01Griffin McElroy?

  We should only do it this way from now on because the stakes are pretty high for all of us.

• 1:01:05Travis McElroy?

  We all have stuff behind us that we do not want to break.

• 1:01:08Griffin McElroy?

  This is the new shit, gang. That was good.

• 1:01:10Travis McElroy?

  My, finally, we found a compelling end to my brother, my brother and me. It only took us eight hundred and twenty-seven episodes. My name is Justin. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:01:20Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:01:21Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother and me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.