#159 - Reggie Conquest

Reggie Conquest joins the pod to discuss his new movie Is This Thing On? (in theaters 12/19), almost becoming a correctional officer, settling into unc status, why calves are like cleavage for fat guys, getting a plethora of DMs after showing skin on Insecure, ending up in the doghouse with friend of the pod Aminah Imani after telling her the wrong date for them to do Stavvy’s World together, and much more. Reggie and Stav help callers including a guy whose aunt is trying to set him up with her hairdresser, and a man whose friend is simps by drawing and tagging girls on his cringy art Instagram page. Watch Reggie Conquest in the movie IS THIS THING ON? in theaters Dec. 19th! Follow Reggie Conquest on social media: https://www.instagram.com/reggconquest/ https://www.tiktok.com/@reggieconquest https://www.youtube.com/@reggie_conquest Thank you to our sponsors! Aura Frames - https://auraframes.com/stavvy use code STAVVY Shopify - https://shopify.com/stavvy ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:26Speaker 01

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• 0:55Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stavie's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We've got my man Reggie Conquest on the couch today. Reggie, thanks for coming, dude.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  What up, man? I mean, this is very you.

• 1:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, that's right. That's right. We want people to feel like they're having a nice time. You know, you're at a Greek restaurant, the owner shut the door. You know what I mean?

• 1:19Speaker 03

  Snap your legs?

• 1:20Stavros Halkias?

  The uzzos on the counter, you don't have to pay per shot. And then whatever calamari's left over.

• 1:26Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:27Stavros Halkias?

  Make up a nice Greek salad. That's the vibe we're going for here.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  All right, I like it. It made me laugh. Someone heard it. I was like, this is so Brian.

• 1:34Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks for coming, Reggie. And we do have a funny story. A friend of the show, Amina Imani, was supposed to be here.

• 1:40Speaker 03

  Yes, I fucked up.

• 1:42Stavros Halkias?

  But you told her to come yesterday.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  I totally, I panicked, bro. I was like, oh, I was so scared, like. And then she called me, just yelling at me. I even, I offered the Uber and she was like, and you getting my nails done? I was like, all right.

• 2:02Stavros Halkias?

  It sucks when you fucked up so bad a friend can treat you like your girlfriend.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:06Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, that is a tough one.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  I was so scared to answer the phone when she called, like legit. It was in the morning, it was a little chilly.

• 2:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  It was bad. And she has a son and I was just so bad, like, damn.

• 2:20Stavros Halkias?

  And it's tough to get here, we're in fucking Queens. It's tough.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  She said she was three minutes away, so that means she was walking.

• 2:29Stavros Halkias?

  She had already been on the train for like an hour.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, dog.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's a tough one. We were looking forward to seeing if she had, you know, how, what her relationship with Airbnb was.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, we, I gotta come back with her.

• 2:40Stavros Halkias?

  Her scam. I think she was, was she doing Airbnb? No, she just loves Airbnb, right, Eldon?

• 2:44Speaker 03

  But she, I think she got kicked out of one.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  She got banned because she was, she had like a really shitty one and she went off on that.

• 2:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she loves reviews.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  She's a big reviewer. It's, it's, it gets a little annoying. Because I've been there for a few. She's, she's into that. That's what she does. So, yeah.

• 3:03Stavros Halkias?

  She's a power reviewer. She's a power Google reviewer. If, if, you know, 10 years ago, she would have been setting Yelp on fire.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  We were, yeah, we were trying to, we were trying to come up with some ideas to do something together. And it had something to do with like going out to eat. And I'm like, who's gonna sit and watch us eat and we're all loud and cussing each other out? But we got all these ideas. We just haven't executed. But I know we executed on that money I had to send in yesterday.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  Getting this call at like, it was like 10:55. Like, you owe me. And I had to send like $120. And I'm just laying in bed like, fuck.

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  Starting the day with a loss.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. That's all yesterday was, man. But I'm glad, I'm glad I made it.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  You made it. Amina, she's getting her nails done on your dime as we speak. So she won't be here, but that's all right, man. What are you gonna do? Uh, yeah, dude, thanks for coming. Um, you got, I know you're in the Bradley Cooper movie. You know, it's, it's nice to be amongst a fellow plus-size actor, you know?

• 4:06Speaker 03

  We outside, we getting there.

• 4:08Stavros Halkias?

  They tried to get us out of movies, but we're coming back.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  We're making a, we're making a big comeback, bro. I'm almost, I was talking about it yesterday. I'm, I'm getting a little older and I'm like, yeah, I'm definitely playing dad or uncle.

• 4:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, dude.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, dad or uncle, Uncle Phil. I got, like, Uncle Phil. I look like Uncle Phil, but I still got this Fresh Prince vibe.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:29Speaker 03

  Like, old inside.

• 4:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's pathetic the way we, our generation behaved. You know, like, we're, it's like, what are we doing? Every day I'm having that, I'm Like, look at you, man. It's over.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  It's over.

• 4:41Stavros Halkias?

  Stop. Stop clinging on to your youth.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got back problems.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  What the fuck, when you're like hanging on to something?

• 4:48Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. No, no, it is. It's just sort of like, we're all dad aged, but pretending

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:54Stavros Halkias?

  that we're still young and it is, you know, I, I don't know if you're feeling this, but I'm definitely like, what, what are you doing?

• 5:00Speaker 03

  I always feel like that.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, let's figure this out.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  I, I, and then the, the kid is still in me, right?

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  I, I almost, I meant AI the other day.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, that's fucking huge.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  He had a book signing and literally almost, I was getting emotional inside.

• 5:16Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, Alan Iverson is, but for people like, we're about the same age, I'm thirty six, it's like,

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:21Stavros Halkias?

  he was the guy.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  He was the guy. He was the man. Before, he was before, I wasn't the biggest Kobe fan growing up. It was all AI.

• 5:28Stavros Halkias?

  Me neither. I think you had to pick.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's what happens. You choose, you chose one or the other.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  Because he was a Sixer.

• 5:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're from Philly, yeah.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  So I was like, but I, I was, I felt it. I was bubbling up, like, all these emotions, my childhood flashing before me. It was like, yo.

• 5:44Stavros Halkias?

  And that's supposed to be something that you share with your son?

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:47Stavros Halkias?

  But you're just, you know what I mean? That's supposed to be like, this is, you know how you feel about Steph Curry? This was my Steph Curry, but you don't have a son, you know what I mean? You're just a grown man who went there by himself, tearing up.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Tearing up, wearing a jersey.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  I wore his jersey. I was like, I don't care. I never got, he never showed up to our school. He never did anything.

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  The stars were never coming.

• 6:12Speaker 03

  They never showed, but they sold it to us. And yeah, he never sold, yeah, I felt like a big old kid.

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  It is weird, like, I went to Disney World by myself.

• 6:21Stavros Halkias?

  Recently?

• 6:21Speaker 03

  No, last year, me and my lady went to Disney World and we were like, this would suck with kids.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  This could absolutely, we were watching parents with their kids, like.

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  Having a horrible day.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  This, why would, why would anybody come there with the kids? This is bad. So, yeah, man.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah dude, I know, it is very funny. I mean, I am definitely sliding into perfectly the uncle role. You know what I mean, like just the, the, the like, sort of like, piece of shit uncle.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  Do you, do you, are you, are you cool with your nieces and nephews?

• 6:55Stavros Halkias?

  I have one, so, we only have one in the family, but my best, you know, uh, like, my best friend had two kids and she's like, she's, like, they're, they're ba- they're like, two, two and a half and a newborn and that's cool. And then my brother just had a kid. And he's the, I mean, it's like, this fat little cute ass.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  And they, they, they know you.

• 7:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like, I'm around a lot. Like, I, I tr- I mean, when he had the kid, part, I was pumped, obviously, but then I was like, fuck, I'm gonna have to visit my family so much more. Like, there go the fu- like, I used to have, I used to just not even go home for holidays. Now I'm gonna have to fucking go and see the baby, you know?

• 7:32Speaker 03

  I've been a uncle since I was like, ten. Me and my brother, me and my brother are ten years apart.

• 7:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  So, my nieces and nephews, I kinda grew up with them.

• 7:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Like, as they're like, big bro- like, they, they call me-

• 7:43Stavros Halkias?

  You're sort of an older cousin, more than anything.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, they called me Reggie for the longest. They just called me by my first name.

• 7:48Stavros Halkias?

  Hey Reggie.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. Where's Reggie at? Like, they, but now they're older, they're like, almost thirty.

• 7:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh wow.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  And they're, they, they start to call me uncle now. Now I'm like, hey, you don't-

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  No, now it's Reggie.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  I'm like, hey, y'all, y'all don't gotta call me uncle now if y'all don't want. But they, they're older now, so they're being respectful.

• 8:08Stavros Halkias?

  You're right.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  And they're like, what's up, Uncle Reg? And I'm like, ah.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  I don't need a twenty-eight-year-old calling me uncle.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yo, like, we grew up like, little brothers. Like, y'all was my little brothers and sitting now. They like, what's up, Uncle Reg? What's up, un-

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  Unc is def- I feel like in the last six months, Unc has, Unc has not only picked up, but it's lowered to the mid-thirties. It used to, correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like it was exclusively for like, forty-five and up.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  I thought so too.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  The Bluetooth set, you know what I mean? The classic Stacy Adams, you know what I mean? Like-

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Bro, I'm, I'm, I, I wear slides a lot. And I'm like, this is, this is our generation of uncle. Like-

• 8:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's true.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Like, it's like sneaker-bottom slippers.

• 8:47Stavros Halkias?

  It is true, yeah, yeah. No, you're right, you're right. I have a conception of what it was when we were growing up, but it's now whatever. We, I'm fucking wearing orthotic new bounces everywhere.

• 8:56Speaker 03

  But they, in our mind, we're like, these are cool.

• 8:58Stavros Halkias?

  These are cool, yeah. That's what they thought. They thought those sandals were cool.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  They were cool. These are cool. But the kids are like, nah. Nah.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're so fucking right.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  But I don't mind, you know, have you called, have you called anybody, like a lady her auntie?

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  I was at a function and I was like, I was like, we the aunts and uncles and, and the girls my age that I was calling aunts were like, no, don't call us that.

• 9:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. Well, I feel like auntie is more sexless than unc.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:27Stavros Halkias?

  Cause unks, there's also a kind of like latent horniness to being an unc. It's sort of like a creep, it's like, you're not gonna do anything about it, but you are horny.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. Unc sounds a little cooler than uncle. I'd rather not, uncle, uncle stinks.

• 9:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, unc is, the unc is definitely better. You can maintain a type, you can be a cool unc in a way.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:50Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's, I think it is just misogyny where it's like, the, the female thing is just not as cool.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  Do, yeah, it's not.

• 9:56Stavros Halkias?

  Society just treats aunties worse than unc. I say, I think I say aunt.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, I know, I know, uh, the whites I grew up with say aunt.

• 10:06Stavros Halkias?

  Philly?

• 10:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  That's my aunt.

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we say aunt, um, and, uh, I think there's a, yeah, we, I, the Philly Baltimore, there's very close. It's, they're like white trash cousins.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:20Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's very, it's very, the accent is very related.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:24Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but yeah, no, we, I always, we, I mean, I had a, I just had a bunch of aunts, but I always like just, cause all of them were Greeks, so I just, they didn't even say aunt.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  I had a, I had a Aunt Libby, Aunt Debbie.

• 10:35Stavros Halkias?

  Aunt Libby, yeah, that's.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  I had, yeah, I had a couple aunt, aunt names, aunt, uh, shit, what's my aunt's name?

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Aunt Libby, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Tangie.

• 10:46Stavros Halkias?

  Tangie, that's cool, I like Tangie.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  That's one of my favorite aunts.

• 10:50Stavros Halkias?

  So you had a big family, huh?

• 10:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, we had a, we had a, it's, it's split up mom, dad's side, but yeah. Big family on the dad's side.

• 10:57Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  All drinkers.

• 10:59Stavros Halkias?

  Love that. Are we talking classic, big, black family reunion situation?

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, conquest family reunion.

• 11:06Stavros Halkias?

  I was always jealous when you'd go to a park and you would see like a hundred black people having the sickest cookout you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, everyone's got it, it was well before print on demand. You know, like, so, the black people were way ahead of printing your own shirts.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  I went to both sides, um, one time in my life. The McBride side and the conquest side. Conquest is my mom's last name.

• 11:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  So that's the conquest thing. I remember doing the egg toss. At the family reunion. Straight Tyler Perry type film.

• 11:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  Egg toss and then my dad's.

• 11:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sack race?

• 11:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:41Stavros Halkias?

  Three-legged race?

• 11:42Speaker 03

  All that shit, yeah. Like, John's claiming a reunion type shit.

• 11:45Stavros Halkias?

  But, yeah, when your family's so big, you're basically running a summer camp.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, yo. I went to both sides once and that was it. I don't, I'm never, have you been to a family reunion?

• 11:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, I mean, we just, my, my family is kind of small. Not really, I don't think so. And also, like, my family's in Greece. I mean, most of my, you know, my dad's side's in Greece. Uh, also for Greek people, like, Greek people tend to have bigger families. I have a pretty small family. Like, my, both my parents only had one sibling. I only have, I have three cousins total.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 12:12Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and then, you know, there's more second cousins and Greek people count those as just regular cousins too, but.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  Do you, do y'all do that family, like, like your mom's best friends are your cousins?

• 12:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 12:23Stavros Halkias?

  And like, yeah, I would, I grew up calling everybody aunt who was not, you know, like, I had that.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  How, it took you a while. I remember growing up calling, uh, my cousin's cousin and then you get in your twenties, you're like, oh, we're not cousins at all.

• 12:36Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the aunt, definitely, the, the, there is that extended, I don't know if it's like, yeah, I think it's partially like an immigrant thing where it's like, some of your family's over there, so you kind of like, you just pick up other Greek people and form a kind of makeshift family. And I, I mean, I feel like that's, I like that vibe of the, because there's, it is still, there's community in that, whereas like, a lot of America just does not have that. They like, they're so isolated from their families, they're just like, don't, they don't have that connection.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  We, we just said, I don't, I used to not go home for Christmas and all that stuff. I'd just stay up here.

• 13:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  Do shows to be sad.

• 13:14Stavros Halkias?

  Chris, I do like, there is something fun about. Christmas without your family, it does feel, it feels sad, but also feels like, it feels like, like no one else is having this experience, it feels kinda cool.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  I only do, I only do the, the Christmas, Thanksgiving, I do wanna be with family, cuz, only cuz of food. Like I know, I know I'm gonna eat good if I go home. If I stay in New York, I'm dying shit, I'm just, I probably go to Cellar, which their food is always good on Thanksgiving.

• 13:40Stavros Halkias?

  They do have a nice Thanksgiving spread.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, I'm like, I'm good.

• 13:45Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you dude, and there's something, I mean, this city's great on Christmas, also, uh, just, I don't, you're right, it is like a sad thing. You almost feel like, you feel like a divorced man, even if you're not divorced.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  The saddest, yo, the saddest one, I'll never forget this, on Thanksgiving, I was the saddest, in Vegas, Cellar Vegas. I was with Kevin.

• 14:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, you're in, the Cellar and Vegas?

• 14:07Speaker 03

  I thought, you know what I thought, I'm like, oh, this is Thanksgiving, you know, I'll go to Vegas, make some money.

• 14:12Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Me and Kevin Iso was in a Denny's on Thanksgiving.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no dude.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  This was like, this was like four years ago, bro, it was the saddest Thanksgiving that I can remember. I'm sitting across dumb Kevin, we're eating Denny's.

• 14:25Stavros Halkias?

  Why Denny's, doesn't Vegas, I mean Vegas has great restaurants.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  We just, it was in walking distance. It was in walking distance from the shitty hotel we was staying at.

• 14:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and the, the hotel, the, I mean, the casino, the.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I think they changed it, but yeah, that shit was.

• 14:39Stavros Halkias?

  For a while, it was in maybe the worst casino.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  We both agreed and looked up and was like, yo, this is some sad shit.

• 14:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that is a, that, that might be the most, my wife left me yesterday, Thanksgiving, I can even think of.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  It was so bad, do you cook?

• 14:55Stavros Halkias?

  I like to cook, yeah, I like to, I actually prefer, also Thanksgiving's not a big Greek thing.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:00Stavros Halkias?

  So I actually stay here.

• 15:01Speaker 03

  Well, in general, do you, do you, do you throw down?

• 15:03Stavros Halkias?

  I do like to cook, yeah, I like to grill, I like to, uh, you know, I cooked, we had Easter on the road, we, uh, I cooked up some lamb, I cooked up some, some Greek shit, um, I do like, I really like cooking, that is my, my dream, my like retirement is just like. Have a little restaurant.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  So as a, as a, as a big dude, do you watch the oils and the seasoning or you just go for it?

• 15:25Stavros Halkias?

  If I'm cooking.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  You just go for it.

• 15:27Stavros Halkias?

  There's, I have two modes, right? I have like, I'm trying to get a little healthier as we all are, right? Like, uh, and when I'm doing that, I'm like, I'm measuring shit out, like if I'm meal prepping or whatever.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Bro, I use the little measuring cup so much now.

• 15:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  I'll get a cup of rice, you know what I mean? But then I'm right back getting another half.

• 15:46Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  But yeah, I've been trying to use like different, you know, different seasoning and, but that shit gets confusing.

• 15:54Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And when it's too many steps, you're just gonna not fucking do it.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:58Stavros Halkias?

  But when I'm like trying to cook to entertain, like I like do a rib roast for Christmas. I like to just like, you know, get basically what they cut ribeyes out of, just get a whole fucking thing of it.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:08Stavros Halkias?

  And then just smear it with like garlic, rosemary, mayo, salt, pepper.

• 16:13Speaker 03

  You like a grill master.

• 16:14Stavros Halkias?

  You will, I like to, yes, this is a, this I roast, uh, in the, in the oven over the time. But yes, I like to grill lamb chops. I like to grill steak. Like I make one of my go-tos, go-to meal prep, I actually have it in the fridge for lunch today. Little flank, little marinated flank steak.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 16:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's some good shit. Some soy sauce, some orange juice.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  That sounds good. I'm not, I'm not, that grilling is not in me.

• 16:37Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  That's the one thing about being an unk that I should have that's not.

• 16:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's despicable.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  But I think my, I think my dad beat it out of me, cause my dad was a grill, he was the grill master.

• 16:47Stavros Halkias?

  He was, okay.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  In the, in, in the neighborhood. Like he, he had the, the three grill things and he would do community block parties and shit.

• 16:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's my dream, dude.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  And guess who was his little fucking helper?

• 16:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it was you, huh?

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Oh my God, if I messed up. It was, I think he beat it out of me.

• 17:05Stavros Halkias?

  It was whiplash for grilling?

• 17:07Speaker 03

  Yes, it was like training camp for grilling and I, I hate it now. I don't even wanna do it. I don't even, anytime, I'll, I'll bring, I'll put money in, I'll bring food. I do not wanna stand over the grill.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  You're built for it, dude.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  I know.

• 17:20Stavros Halkias?

  You have to do it.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Bro, I love flip, I love sandals and all that shit.

• 17:24Stavros Halkias?

  You have the grill master physiognomy.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  It's so in me.

• 17:27Stavros Halkias?

  It is, dude.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  Like even, I won't cook, but I'll be looking like.

• 17:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Stavros Halkias?

  This is like, yeah, this is like the plot of Creed, but for grilling.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:38Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, come on, I can do this.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Yo, he, that shit was bad. And I remember I used to have to do it, like, I wanted to hang out and do shit. Nope, we got, we got work. Cause he, he would, he would grill the community.

• 17:49Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I feel the same way. I was doing, uh, I was, I was shooting something and it was like, one of the guys was like, I'm gonna have a barbecue, right? And he, he had two bar, he had one barbecue, the, basically the weekend I got there, I was working on this movie for, uh, a couple of weeks.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:03Stavros Halkias?

  Soon as I got there, and it was fun, go to meet people, but the first time, I'm, I'm looking at how they're grilling.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:09Stavros Halkias?

  And it fucking pissed me off.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:10Stavros Halkias?

  And the second time you hosted a barbecue, I was like, why don't I take over?

• 18:15Speaker 03

  You, you.

• 18:15Stavros Halkias?

  And I just, and I just was grilling, I brought my own, I brought like, I was like, I, I gotta, I gotta do this. I have to take over this.

• 18:21Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 18:21Stavros Halkias?

  And I literally just commandeered the grill, cause it, it was pissing me off.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:25Stavros Halkias?

  How like, it was just grilling for a need, not for like, not for a good time. It was just, just enough, when somebody wanted a hot dog, they would grill a hot dog?

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Oh my god, that, that shit is annoying. Like, put the whole thing on there.

• 18:38Stavros Halkias?

  I need a fucking rack of meat going at all times.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  I remember one time I was at, at somewhere and I, I jokingly said, uh, the chicken was like, it wasn't, uh, it was still a little, little pink.

• 18:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  And I said, hey, this chicken's still clucking.

• 18:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  And the grill, the person on the grill got so mad. Like, I, I felt it. I was like, ah.

• 18:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  I was like, ah, my bad.

• 19:01Stavros Halkias?

  No dude, this is, you're fighting your destiny.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, man.

• 19:05Stavros Halkias?

  You, you need to be a fucking grill master. Especially, it's in your blood. Your dad was the neighborhood grill master.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  It's so much cool grilling clothes and the grill master's so, it's like being a DJ at a party.

• 19:15Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent dude. That's also the most revered position for a fat man.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 19:21Stavros Halkias?

  You had, like.

• 19:22Speaker 03

  And, and you got, like, I seen you, your calves when you got up. I'm like, those are grill master calves.

• 19:28Speaker 03

  I got some nice calves too. Get the little shorts, had a legs out. It's like, yeah, I am built for it.

• 19:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's the grill, that's the thing, is you have to wear clothes that hide all your worst parts.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:38Stavros Halkias?

  Tank top for a fat guy's huge too.

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:40Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you don't, you don't look that fat in your arms. And your shoulders might look cool.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, up here, I'm good.

• 19:47Stavros Halkias?

  You need a billowy tank top and shorts that just highlight the calves.

• 19:53Speaker 03

  The calves for a fat dude are like abs.

• 19:56Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. That's fat cleavage.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Yes, it is.

• 20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Anytime a girl's like, "Oh, I love you." I'm like, "Yeah, you know."

• 20:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. That's why even when in the big shorts era, calves were still the one part of your body that was visible.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  I love the little shorts era though.

• 20:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm with you. I'm not, I have decided, again, this is part of unck-hood. I'm not chasing trends.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  No.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  I am sticking with little shorts.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, little shorts are the shit.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  And but, but the other thing, even when people were wearing skinny, I was wearing big pants already. So I'm gonna stick big pants, little shorts.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Oh man, I tried to.

• 20:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hawaiian.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:35Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Hawaiian tracksuit. These are fat guy staples.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did try the skinny jeans era.

• 20:41Stavros Halkias?

  I could see that.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  It was bad.

• 20:42Stavros Halkias?

  I could see you being swallowed up by trends.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  It was bad. I did definitely do the skinny jeans era. I'm so glad it's over. I'm so glad. I was wearing them a little bit, but I had lost a bunch of weight, so I was feeling my, that's another thing. If you're a big guy and you lose a bunch of weight, you start dressing ridiculous. You start getting crazy.

• 21:02Stavros Halkias?

  Elders in his head is like, he's been planning that era of his life. Like he's, right now, he's thinking of outfits he's gonna wear in, in his mind, three months.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  I'm like, just 20 pounds, 20 pounds from now.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  You're gonna get so goofy. At one point, when I first got to New York, I was 380 and I lost, I had lost 90. So I was able to fit all types of shit, even at, you know, that's still 200, but to me, that was like a whole new world.

• 21:29Stavros Halkias?

  At that stage, you can maybe wear the fattest clothes in a regular store.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Bro, when I was able, when I was able to shop at H and M, it was a whole new world. I was like, "Oh, oh, it's up."

• 21:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  And this was the time where, uh, it was like a controversy, like, uh, they made some black kid wear a monkey shirt.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I remember this.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  So that was around that time and I was just like, hey, they was like, "We're boycotting." I was just chasing them.

• 21:56Stavros Halkias?

  I just got here.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  I just got here. I just got here, bro. I was so happy to fit H and M. It was like, yo, this is great.

• 22:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, dude, I know exactly what you mean. I am right now on that cusp.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:09Stavros Halkias?

  Of like, the fattest article of clothing in certain stores.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:13Stavros Halkias?

  Or like, the smallest size at the Big and Tall store. You know what I mean?

• 22:17Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 22:17Stavros Halkias?

  I'm riding that line and I'd love to get back into regular stores for good.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  Do you do, do you do, do you do smaller bottom and, and bigger top? Or bigger top, smaller bottom? Like, do you do, do you do like a, cause I know I'll do like a 2X pants.

• 22:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  And a 3X top.

• 22:33Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  And then sometimes I'll switch. I'll go 3X pants.

• 22:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  A little snug up top.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  I, I'm definitely, I'm def, due to the calves.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:42Stavros Halkias?

  My legs just looking better. I always go a little smaller, particularly tracksuits, shorts. I'm going smaller because it is the, I have just a giant stomach.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I gotta, I gotta get myself too. I gotta get myself too. But if I got on a white beater, I'm like, oh, I'm feeling good.

• 22:59Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I, the, I am, I just need to get bigger arms. I'm just, that's the move.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  Incline. You gotta do some in, some chest, I don't know.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fat guys telling each other shit. This is classic.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  I lost confidence. I don't know what to say.

• 23:15Stavros Halkias?

  You couldn't even finish the sentence.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Incline, that's all I had.

• 23:22Stavros Halkias?

  We forgot the mics were on. We were about to just lie to each other about how we look pretty good.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  You gotta get the incline going, dog.

• 23:31Stavros Halkias?

  We were about to fall into a fat echo chamber. Oh dude, we're just a couple incline benches away, dude. We're fucking good, bro. That's very, so you had that moment where you lost a bunch of, you had just moved here? Or what was it?

• 23:45Speaker 03

  It was just around the time I moved here.

• 23:46Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I moved here, my biggest was 380 and then I just started walking.

• 23:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  And I started running a little bit, but I lost a lot of fucking weight. And it's, I look back at the pictures, I'm like, I still was the same size I was. Like, I never, I look, you, you look at old pictures, you're like, damn, I was smaller.

• 24:01Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  And you're like.

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  When you thought you were fat as shit.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:04Stavros Halkias?

  I have the same thing. I see a picture of me from like 2000. 2016, went in my head, I was like, you're the fattest piece of shit. And now I would strangle someone to look like that.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's taken me years to get back.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  I think I've plateaued, I've been stuck, I've been stuck at the same weight for some time.

• 24:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, I had the same thing where I was, I mean, I gained a bunch of weight and I lost, I'm trying to get back. And I have plateaued in like the mid two eighties. And I did. I'm around two, like two eighty five.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  I'm three oh five.

• 24:34Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you know, you're also, how tall are you?

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Uh, I go five eleven, six foot.

• 24:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you're a little taller, you know, and you, you know, you do carry it well. I think we're both lucky to not be the floppy fat guys. You know what I mean? The guys that like kind of.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Solid.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  A very solid.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  I love solid.

• 24:52Stavros Halkias?

  Solid's good, which I think clinically is bad. That's the kind of fat that kills you.

• 25:01Stavros Halkias?

  But I would rather that than like the marshmallow.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  I don't like when people poke my side and like.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Like, I like it to be hard. That's what made me start doing a little, little standing crunches.

• 25:15Stavros Halkias?

  I know that, that idea that it's like you can just work out and just have like abs like a ninja turtle. Where it's like abs over your fat. You know, that, again, that's.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  What's your, what's your, what's your workout now? You doing lots of cardio? You doing lots of lifting?

• 25:27Stavros Halkias?

  I'm starting to, I was doing a lot of cardio and I was doing kind of like body weight exercise and I've recently started. I taught, my brother's a trainer and he was just like, you just need to lift a little heavier, like.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  Your brother's a trainer?

• 25:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Man, you should be further.

• 25:42Stavros Halkias?

  He's just had a kid, he's also in Baltimore.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  He don't, he don't still, he, he sends you meal plans?

• 25:49Stavros Halkias?

  He's just running his own fucking biz, like, I, I fucked up because I helped him start his own business. Which made it so that he would never pay attention to me again. Because now he's like trying to like, when he was like, you know, working for somebody else, he had all the time in the world, but now he's like, I have a child and a business.

• 26:06Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, so I get, yeah, fuck him, right? Piece of shit.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Damn, I wish, I always wished I had a, I don't know if it would change anything, I'm like, man, I wish I had a brother that was a, or a cousin or something that. Was in the fitness.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the, I mean, when we were in co- the one time, there was like a summer in college where he, he was in school, training, I mean, he wasn't a trainer yet, but he was like taking classes and shit. And we had a summer where he trained, we like worked out, we hung out all the time. I lost a bunch of weight, then I, then, and it was like in college where I was like, I need to just do something to get pussy, I'm a fucking loser. And then I lost weight, I was the smallest I've ever been, whatever, and I was in good shape, got a girlfriend and just immediately got fat as shit.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Relationships do that.

• 26:46Stavros Halkias?

  Immediately got fat as shit.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  That happy weight, that thing is bullshit, it's so bullshit.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises, we love it, we just got a new assistant, she loves it, she's taking all our sushi orders, they're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick, they sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out, oh my god, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com, the Visible plan starts at $25 a month,

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOVE, terms apply.

• 27:38Speaker 05

  Hey Richmond, Mark Smith, Midas Richmond, 2026, we have been doing what we do for 29 years, total car care, total community care. In 2026, we are donating $365,000, a thousand dollars a day to the nonprofits we've historically supported. Gucci and Care, Shalom Farms, St. Joseph's Villa, Ask, the Colonial Heights Food Pantry, everybody we've helped over the years. These are important things making a big impact in our society right now, total car care, total community care, that is Midas of Richmond.

• 28:09Stavros Halkias?

  But you know, what are you gonna do? And so was this, now when you were at your smallest, was this the, because you have a pretty well-known nude scene, of course. We're talking to TSA Bay here of, you know, of Insecure fame, Eldis.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:23Stavros Halkias?

  Where you were showing cheeks on HBO.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  Ass. It was like, yeah, it was like, yeah, I'll do that. For the start of the show, hell, yeah.

• 28:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, that was, that must have been big because that was, I mean, at the time, that was the biggest show culturally. Like, I feel like everyone was watching that show.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 28:39Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like a lot of people in our age group saw your ass cheeks.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Oh, it was, and I didn't tell anybody.

• 28:46Stavros Halkias?

  It was a surprise, like, oh, nice. I remember you popping up on the show, be like, nice, ready to show. I was like, whoa, nice.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't say. I didn't say anything on purpose. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna just let this.

• 28:58Stavros Halkias?

  Because that's a hu, that was a huge day.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  That was my first, like, role.

• 29:01Stavros Halkias?

  I know, for that to be your first one is fucking awesome.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, so they, they, uh, and I hadn't watched the show that much. It was like one of those shows that blew up on Twitter. So you can kind of go on Twitter at the time when I was on there and kind of know what's going on. But even in audition, I didn't know it was gonna be Issa.

• 29:16Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  It was like, it said like Alicia.

• 29:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  And then you get there and you're like, oh, shit.

• 29:22Stavros Halkias?

  I was just not even preparing. The biggest audition you'd ever gotten. I remember you at this time. You were not doing well. That was huge. And you're like, I'm not fucking gonna watch it.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  And I had time to like, I had time to fucking like get in some type of shape and I did nothing.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  I did absolutely nothing. Like, I had time to like, but I'm like, nah, they wanna, I know what this is. They wanna bang out. Why would I, why would I do anything?

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. Let's not put lipstick on the pig. They know what they want.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  I remember I did try to bang out some pushups.

• 29:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, of course, of course.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Like, in my robe, I'm like, alright.

• 30:01Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  But it's this one scene of like my shoulders, and that was the one thing I was like.

• 30:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's me.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  Looking pretty good.

• 30:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, totally, totally.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  Looking pretty good, shoulder gang.

• 30:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's, yeah, that's fucking hilarious. I mean filming a complete, cause I've also done a fully nude.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  Sex scene, it's really fucked.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  Sex coordinator is right there.

• 30:20Stavros Halkias?

  Right there.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:21Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you were naked too.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Naked as hell.

• 30:23Stavros Halkias?

  So they tape your, cause what they did with me, they taped a little like piece of paper around my dick and balls. But it was like, and this lady's just getting in there.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:33Stavros Halkias?

  Just really.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  And they, they're, they're not even like, they're like, yeah, move.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:39Stavros Halkias?

  They don't care at all.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like you go to doctor's office, like, yeah.

• 30:42Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  They don't care, but uh, yeah, same thing, tape, and it's like they got it toned, like my, my skin tone.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  You look butt ass naked.

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  And you're like, oh shit.

• 30:51Stavros Halkias?

  And I don't know if you felt this way, but I don't think my dick was ever smaller. Cause you're nervous, you know what I mean, and my dick is completely retracted.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Bro, I got a clit, bro.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Everybody's like, I know you got hard, no I did not.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  My dick went in my body, what are you talking about?

• 31:11Stavros Halkias?

  And then you're like embarrassed, like fuck, you don't wanna be hard, but you're like, this is fucking pathetic.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  It was bad.

• 31:16Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta go, what is this, and you can't be seen to, you know, fluff yourself, and now you're a fucking pervert.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  You're just sitting there. Anytime they said cut, I'm like, oh, give me my robe.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  Wait, so when you were on set, you were just nude the whole time? Or did they give you a robe or?

• 31:32Stavros Halkias?

  They gave me a robe, but it was like, it was a closed set, I mean, it was like for the movie I did, so it was like just me, the director. Uh, the coordinator, yeah. Um, I, I mean, I definitely had a robe, I'm sure I wasn't hanging out there with my dick, but it was also funny, cause we had to figure out how to do it.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:47Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm just like kinda contorting myself, I'm just like really shifting around just fucking naked.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  You've always been like, uh, comfortable, uh, like taking your shirt off.

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  You've always been that.

• 31:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, if I had a, if I had even just a normal, not a small dick, I'd be naked all, I wouldn't give a fuck.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:06Stavros Halkias?

  If I had a big dick, I would've just been like, yeah, what's up, you know, they would've, they would've had to tell me to pull on, put on the robe, you know?

• 32:11Speaker 03

  But I never, like, were you a fat kid that, that wore your shirt in the pool?

• 32:15Stavros Halkias?

  I had a moment of that.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:18Stavros Halkias?

  And there was something that, I don't know what, when it was exactly, but I definitely overcame that.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, you came, you overcame, because I would see that, and I go, man, that's he's got it, baby. Because I was never, I was, I was the, I was, I had always wore a shirt in the pool. It wasn't until I got old, like now as an adult, where I'm like, ah, fuck it, you know what I mean?

• 32:39Stavros Halkias?

  I think there was a moment where I used to do that, and then I was at, I was at like, Six Flags, or whatever one had the wave pool, do you remember all this, I think it was Six Flags.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, Wave Pool, I remember that.

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and, and it was like either a class trip, or like a church group trip.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:55Stavros Halkias?

  And I saw a fat kid

• 32:57Speaker 03

  Mm.

• 32:58Stavros Halkias?

  in a white shirt, and I was like, that looks ridiculous.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:02Stavros Halkias?

  That, it was a moment of like, that's how I look, you see his tits, it looks like a wet t-shirt contest.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's kind of more

• 33:09Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 33:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're kind of more highlighting your fat tits.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure.

• 33:12Stavros Halkias?

  Than if you were just shirtless.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:14Stavros Halkias?

  And I think I saw a kid and how stupid he looked, and I was like, whoa, I, I can't do that.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  And you realized that early. I would, I would get in the pool with my shirt on, and after a while, I'll take it off. I'll keep it near the pool, and I get up.

• 33:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Oh, really? Like a, like a nightgown.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  But yeah, that's, I was that kid.

• 33:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  I was a big kid, so I was like, oh, put that on, but yeah, I didn't get over that until like a telltale age.

• 33:38Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 33:39Speaker 03

  And then, and then this cure came, I was like, alright, fuck it, this is, you know?

• 33:42Stavros Halkias?

  That kind of, that kind of, that kind of helped.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  Totally. Like now, you know what I mean, so yeah.

• 33:46Stavros Halkias?

  Were you single at the time, or were you in a relationship?

• 33:49Speaker 03

  Uh, in sure.

• 33:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's a big show, that, that must have gotten you some top if you were single.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a, it was, it was a time, it came out during the pandemic.

• 33:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  So it was like a time where I was like locked up, but still was a time.

• 34:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, the DMs were, were the DMs lighting up?

• 34:05Speaker 03

  They were, they were popping, and uh, it was a lot more, um, gay dudes hitting me up.

• 34:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Than I expected, I was like, what?

• 34:16Speaker 03

  I watched the show, I was like, what part? But there was a part in there where I was like, oh, I can see, you know, because I say something about pressing my booty button in the scene that they wrote in.

• 34:26Stavros Halkias?

  Still.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  And, yeah, and I'm like, hey, I'm kind of, you know, I'm in the same way, but I was getting so many gay messages.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  And then, and then back then, you know, that's your first thing, you don't really know, so I'm just like, block.

• 34:40Stavros Halkias?

  Block.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  Now I'm like, why was I blocking all those? Those were fans.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  Because they were aggressive like.

• 34:52Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Picks and messages and I'm like, ah, this is, this is fucking up.

• 34:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough dude. What was the ratio? There was at least a handful of women in there though, right?

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a lot of women, but it was, it was, that definitely was.

• 35:05Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was like, damn.

• 35:07Stavros Halkias?

  No, they're never gonna beat gay guys on the internet for horniness.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, no.

• 35:11Stavros Halkias?

  They're never gonna outdo them.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  But back then, I'm like, this is, but now, today, I'm like, why would I do that? I could've just not responded.

• 35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, not respond, keep the follower.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, keep the fan. They're like, this guy's a fucking asshole.

• 35:25Speaker 03

  But yeah, it was a, it was a good time.

• 35:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, man. I'm, I'm very happy to hear that.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  I had a ball.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  Were you, so were you, back to the pool shirt thing, were you like the fat kid in your family too? Like was it, or was it like a?

• 35:36Speaker 03

  I was, yeah, I was the cousin, I was the, I was the little fat cuz. I had another cousin, but he wasn't as fat as I was.

• 35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  He's fat as I, he's fatter than me now, which is cool. Which is cool, cuz he, he, he was always, now he's big as shit. And I'm smaller, but yeah.

• 35:53Stavros Halkias?

  You overcame it.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  I definitely, and then I got all the, all the, any, any black, like, Keenan.

• 36:00Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  Said and.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Believe me, come on. I had the exact opposite of like, I'm, whatever fat white comedian was on at the time. It was like, when King of Queens, I'm Kevin James, Jack Black a huge one.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Jack Black is great.

• 36:12Stavros Halkias?

  You know, cuz I, I, I had before, I was like, I had the same haircut, but wasn't bald. So I just had Jack Black's hair. And I was like the fat, I also went to Baltimore City Public School, so it was like, I was the fat, white, funny, white guy. Like I was, that was so, I got that too.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  I used to get called, um, Doug, I used to call it, get Doug Heffernan.

• 36:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Like, you know, but, and then my friends called me Dan for a while.

• 36:36Stavros Halkias?

  Dan?

• 36:37Speaker 03

  Dan, for a while. All ninth grade, I was, they called me Dan and then. And then like 10th grade, it's still for dumbass niggas.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Dan, I swear to God. So Dan is my, Dan is my character name in the Bradley Cooper movie.

• 36:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  So I, I remember that all hit me like, yeah, wow. They was calling me Dan for a year and I was like, huh? What's up?

• 37:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  And it came out and I found out 10th grade.

• 37:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's so funny. And Bradley Cooper was like, yeah, I know what it stands for. He's like, I did it on purpose.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it's so funny, dawg. I got all the like, oh, they called me Teddy in high school for Teddy, but like all the, you know, Keenan I got all the time.

• 37:21Stavros Halkias?

  Keenan is, yeah, that's a tough one too.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  So, yeah.

• 37:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure you, you know, I'm sure as a youth without the, without the, you know.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, definitely was Keenan.

• 37:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 37:32Stavros Halkias?

  You had a, you probably had a nice gleam in your eyes. You were probably a positive energy.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  I wanted to be that dude. I wanted to be said entertainer.

• 37:40Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  For sure. Have you ever met Jack Black or any of them dudes?

• 37:44Stavros Halkias?

  No, Jack, no, no. I don't think, I'm trying to think if I've met any fat heroes.

• 37:50Stavros Halkias?

  Not Jack Black. I met Action Bronson, but that's kind of a later in life.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, later in life.

• 37:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's closer, we're closer in age.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  He's a cool fat dude.

• 37:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, definitely a cool.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  He's a grill master too.

• 37:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I did, I did a show, we cooked. It was fucking awesome. I'm trying to get him on this show, but we're trying to get it done.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  He wears the cool New Balance unch shoes too.

• 38:09Stavros Halkias?

  That, the thing, I am, I think he's the man and I am jealous of, he's just 10 years, like five years ahead of everything I want to do.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:16Stavros Halkias?

  Like his show, Fuck That's Delicious, part of me is like, I should just do that show. I should be like, uh, hell, that's scrumptious. You know what I mean? Just like some of the fucking knockoff version of his show. And then the new, the fact that he's got a New Balance, I mean, I'm literally wearing, he sent me some actually, they're fucking awesome. He sent me some of his shoes. Um, but yeah, he's the man. He's totally doing being a fat guy the right way.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know if I have any fat guy later in life. I don't, they all, when I was a kid.

• 38:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, every, it's all, it's all like Farley, John Candy, you know, classic.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  Chris Farley was a, I, I remember him as a kid and being a. Huge fan.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  And, yeah, he was, yeah, he was the white guy, fat guy that I was like, I like this dude.

• 39:02Stavros Halkias?

  Chris Farley, just like, every, there was nobody who wasn't a fan of that guy. He was just so in fa- like, he was just so funny in such a way that everybody gets.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  He was great, and then I, I only remember him from like, the movies. But then, later on, once I got here and I learned about SNL, I knew he was on there, but I watched his episodes, I'm like, oh, this dude was great.

• 39:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there was, that, that Sandler-Farley run was huge for me.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  Fat guy in a little, ah, classic.

• 39:29Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Another great bit to do as a fat kid. Put on one of your friend's little coats.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  It still hits.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  Fat guy in a little.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  It still hits today.

• 39:38Stavros Halkias?

  I was crushing in sixth grade, yeah, and it'll still hit today. If you're desperate, do the fat guy in a little coat.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Little coat, so simple, so quick, so funny.

• 39:47Stavros Halkias?

  Just good, just good stuff, man. I like that you went Con- you picked, you say your parents, you know, you, you could have picked either name. Conquest is the cooler name. That's such a sick name.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 39:58Stavros Halkias?

  It feels fake, almost.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I, I didn't realize that until I started comedy. Everybody was like, yo, was that your, I didn't realize how cool the, cool it was, because I was so used to it.

• 40:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  And then everybody would ask me, but my, my first name is James.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 40:12Speaker 03

  So my name is James Reginald McBride Conquest, so it's like, you know, like that, but, uh.

• 40:18Stavros Halkias?

  You could have gone, you could, you could be James McBride right now.

• 40:20Speaker 03

  I started as James McBride.

• 40:22Stavros Halkias?

  You could be Jimmy McBride.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  I started, I started, like, that was my first time on stage. I came up as James McBride.

• 40:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's a completely different guy than Reggie Conquest?

• 40:32Speaker 03

  Completely different.

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious, dude.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Completely different government. I came up as James McBride.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  And, and I kept getting asked, was I related to James McBride, the author?

• 40:44Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  He has, it's called The Color of Water, or, he wrote a book.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  James McBride, who the fuck, I don't know that.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 40:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  And what was his book? It's called Water or something. Go to book. Oh, yeah. What is it?

• 40:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the Heaven and Earth.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Oh, The Color, yeah, The Color of Water, yeah.

• 41:02Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 41:02Speaker 03

  So, at the open mic in Philly.

• 41:05Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, I started reading Heaven and Earth Grocer and I did not like it. I actually randomly started reading his own book.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's his newest book, yeah.

• 41:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I did not.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  I brought it on Libby and, yeah, I never even listened to it.

• 41:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I did not. I did, I was like.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  I do audio.

• 41:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, you do, you actually read it?

• 41:20Stavros Halkias?

  I like to actually read on a Kindle.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do. I've been doing audio. But, yeah, every, every time I got off, they would ask me, am I related to him? Or he's like, my dad. So like, I don't want this.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  I think that's cool, but, and then I was like, my family already calls me Reggie.

• 41:37Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, yeah.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  So I was like, alright, I'll just go by Reggie. And I forget, my dad was like, "Why you, why you using your mom's name?"

• 41:45Speaker 03

  And I gave him some bullshit.

• 41:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I could have been Reggie McBride.

• 41:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  But I told him, I was like, "Oh, you know, yeah, I got my name from you. I'm named after you." I was like, "I want to partner my mom in my name." I just said some bullshit. He was like, "Alright." But, yeah, I never forget that.

• 42:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's pretty fucking, oh, because I would have assumed you were like that your whole life, but you just chose, you were like, "I don't like being associated with James McBride."

• 42:10Speaker 03

  That's, that's, that's really all it was. Anytime somebody.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Your entire identity changed.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was like, "I can't, I don't want to do this." Anytime I got off and it was like older black people, they would be like, "Are you related to him?" And I'm like, "No."

• 42:24Stavros Halkias?

  Just getting annoyed at like, a show seven times?

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:28Stavros Halkias?

  And you're like, "That's it."

• 42:29Speaker 03

  I'm bombing.

• 42:29Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a different guy. I'm a different guy now.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  I'm bombing, and then somebody comes up and says that, I'm like, "No!"

• 42:38Speaker 03

  I don't fuck this guy, I don't know!

• 42:42Speaker 03

  I used to get so mad.

• 42:46Stavros Halkias?

  How old were you when your parents got divorced?

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Divorced?

• 42:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they never got together.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  They never were together. Since I've been here, so yeah. But they got, they're, they're super cool now, of course, but they, they never were married.

• 42:59Stavros Halkias?

  So did you have, do you have other siblings from?

• 43:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got five sisters. My, my dad has, uh, five girls than me.

• 43:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  And then my mom has me and my brother.

• 43:08Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  So, yeah, me and my brother are 10 years apart.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, that's right. You said that, because you had, he had all the kids.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I grew up, I grew up with my mom, and it was just me, me and her, and then my brother was outside in the streets or whatever, but...

• 43:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  And I go to, I go to my dad's, and, uh...

• 43:23Stavros Halkias?

  They're both in Philly?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're both in Philly.

• 43:25Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, cool.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Uh, but my dad was, I was my dad's only boy, so I had to do everything.

• 43:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's why you were junior grill master.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why I was a junior grill master. He would let my sisters run around, do whatever. They had to do some, like, seasoning.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, my sister, my sister didn't yell. She got to do, like, some seasoning, and she got, but I had to carry shit. I had to, you know, stand there, cook it. Don't let me overcook. Oh, that's your ass.

• 43:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  You overcook something, you drop something, that's your ass.

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  Tough.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  You're on the setup crew, and you're on the takedown crew.

• 43:58Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  So as a, as a, like, the times where I was supposed to be in camp or doing something, he would keep me doing that, so...

• 44:05Stavros Halkias?

  How often? He's just having barbecues every weekend?

• 44:08Speaker 03

  In the summertime? Yeah, he ran it up.

• 44:09Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  He ran it up. In the summertime, the community, look, he was the grill master.

• 44:14Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  So, yeah, I had to do all that.

• 44:16Stavros Halkias?

  And this is just an unofficial, he's just having a barbecue type of shit?

• 44:20Speaker 03

  I forgot, he had, like, business cards and shit that he had. So it would be, like, different stuff for, like...

• 44:26Stavros Halkias?

  Just an unlicensed business that you had to work?

• 44:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had, yeah, he had this business card, but he would do, like, uh, the all championship, uh, games and...

• 44:34Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 44:35Speaker 03

  The, the city fair, like, he would do a lot of stuff.

• 44:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  So I was like, oh, okay, I had to, I had to help him. But now, I don't cook at all. I don't do none of that shit.

• 44:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's time to get back in the mix.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Maybe.

• 44:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  Maybe, bro, maybe.

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• 45:57Speaker 00

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• 46:03Stavros Halkias?

  Did you do anything before you were like, when you were doing standup, where you were like your first jobs?

• 46:08Speaker 03

  My first jobs, I worked at a furniture store.

• 46:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, nice.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  I worked with these old dudes, and they were so like foul. And I just remember, I just remember loving it. Like, when I was younger, I was just hearing these old dudes.

• 46:20Stavros Halkias?

  Working in a warehouse when you're like 20 is so fun.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  It's so fun. Those dudes were so cool. You worked where?

• 46:26Stavros Halkias?

  I worked at a machine shop, which is another, you know, blue collar thing. I worked at a paint store. And it was like, the painter was really funny, because I had a great, I didn't have like, I'm trying, like, it was like an old dude, but it was like a, like a white stud in Baltimore. She was so fucking awesome, dude. She had her shit lined up. She was talking about how she was like, you know, she used to be a bouncer at like skate parties or some shit. And she was talking about pretending to be like a straight girl when she was younger to get, she was just hilarious. She had a wife.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, working with older folks like that, I remember working at a furniture store, they would be back there. I used to be like a kid, and I would just be hearing this story, talking about their wives, their kids. And my coworker, I'm like, talking about, I hate this bitch. We would be taking down furniture and it was great. I worked with a lot of older, cause my dad would always have me doing something like.

• 47:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  My first standup gig was at uh this place in Philly called Champagne's.

• 47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  And, and it was ladies night.

• 47:29Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah dude.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  But ladies night was male stripper night.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  So they made me go up. It's like one of my.

• 47:39Stavros Halkias?

  Who the fuck is this fat kid?

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Yo bro, it was, and I was younger and these were like older women and they were like, get, show your dick. Like they were very, they were very aggressive. I'll never forget that shit.

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  So you're doing jokes and they're like, show us your penis?

• 47:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, bro. It was, it was brutal. It was one of my first like book shows and I was all happy. And you see how you like, you lit up? We like ladies night, hell yeah, nah. It was, and I almost invited my friends.

• 48:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  I was like, yo, come to the, it was, these dudes came in with the, the suitcases.

• 48:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh fuck dude.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  And they were fucking, the ladies were going crazy.

• 48:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  It was like three male strippers. It was ladies night. Champagne's in Philly.

• 48:19Stavros Halkias?

  Opening for the strippers?

• 48:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. That was my first like.

• 48:22Stavros Halkias?

  And it was just you?

• 48:23Speaker 03

  It was just me.

• 48:24Stavros Halkias?

  Wow dude. Who the fuck booked that? That's hysterical.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Forgot the dude's name, but we did, uh, it was like a black improv group.

• 48:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  That they tried to start.

• 48:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  And he ended, he was a male stripper at one point.

• 48:38Stavros Halkias?

  This guy sounds awesome.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  And he, he booked me for it. Yeah, he was a stripper improv dude and he booked me for it and that was my first like gig.

• 48:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious dude.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  It was a lady, it was a bar that he turned into a ladies night.

• 48:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. And they're probably older women too.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  They were older. They were very older and horny and it was, it was uh, I'll never forget that shit.

• 48:59Stavros Halkias?

  Trying to do, and you're probably young in comedy, you're probably shitty.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:04Stavros Halkias?

  You probably would have bombed in good circumstances.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:06Stavros Halkias?

  Let alone just horny sixty-five year old women harassing you.

• 49:10Speaker 03

  My last, I worked for the school district for a while. My dad got me in that. My dad got me a bunch of jobs.

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  Bunch of, did you get, did you get your jobs application style or it was like, hey, this is my?

• 49:22Stavros Halkias?

  At the machine shop, it was like a guy we knew. Um, cause that was a good job.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:28Stavros Halkias?

  That was like a too good a job for me at the time. It was like a, you know.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  I feel like back in the day, you could get a job. All you had to do was know somebody.

• 49:34Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. Even the paints, like I worked for Sherwin-Williams, a big company, but I knew a guy. Who was like, who kind of put in a good word and you know, whatever. But yeah. It's, it's much harder now to just kind of like.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:47Stavros Halkias?

  Figure it out.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, it's that Sopranos episode where they try and shake down essentially a Starbucks.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 49:52Stavros Halkias?

  And the guy's like, look, man, you can take this money. What'll happen is I get fired.

• 49:57Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 49:57Stavros Halkias?

  And then there'll be a new manager and they'll just, they'll just keep reporting. There's no way for you, they'll just keep firing us. They don't give a fuck.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:06Stavros Halkias?

  And they were like, wow, there goes the neighborhood. You know what I mean? It's like, you can't, there's no community anymore.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  No, not at all.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  Unqualified.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Not at all. I worked, I worked doors. I worked like security at doors.

• 50:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did all that shit. Just from somebody knowing somebody.

• 50:22Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 50:23Speaker 03

  And the door job was, I was younger too and it was like an older spot.

• 50:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:28Speaker 03

  Like beat it.

• 50:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Move.

• 50:30Stavros Halkias?

  Did you ever toss anyone?

• 50:32Speaker 03

  No, I never tossed anyone at the, at the, the old, the bar, but they didn't listen to me.

• 50:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  But when I got in the school district, I was a school policeman for like a year. I was fucking those kids up.

• 50:44Stavros Halkias?

  How, how the fuck were you a school policeman? Don't you have to be a policeman?

• 50:48Speaker 03

  You, you know, bro, I don't.

• 50:51Stavros Halkias?

  They give you a uniform?

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, I had, I looked like a cop. I, I. So my dad, my dad was a cop.

• 50:59Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  And that's the correlate, like, and then he stopped, went to the school district. He got me in there with him. I was working for the school district for a year. I was probably like 24.

• 51:10Stavros Halkias?

  Were you, was that ever like a, I'll be a school cop, then I'll be a regular cop? Did you ever think of it as like?

• 51:15Speaker 03

  I did want to be a cop, but I did, I, I did, I took the corrections officer test. I was this close to being corrections officer.

• 51:21Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, the Ross career path.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  Yes, absolutely. Absol- fucking loo-ly. I'll never forget, I was this close to be, I took the test. There was a lot of technical tests, all this shit.

• 51:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  And I seen a corrections officer in a gas station and I was like, hey, you got me advice. And he straight was like, don't do this, man.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  He straight was like, don't do it, man. He was like, I could tell you. He was so honest with me. And they're calling me about the job, about to offer it to me, and I just did not pick up.

• 51:53Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  And my dad was so fucking mad. He was so mad. I did the whole process. And this dude in the gas station was-

• 52:01Stavros Halkias?

  If it's not for this dude, you're a fucking CEO.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  I was, I was gonna be a CEO, bro. I got fitted in everything.

• 52:08Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Yes. That's how close I was. That's how close I was being.

• 52:13Stavros Halkias?

  You went to the fucking Philly PD tailor?

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. I was so close to being a correction officer.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking insane, dude.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  Because I did, I did the school policeman stuff.

• 52:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  And we were at a high school, bad high school, and you're, you're in there fighting every day with those kids.

• 52:28Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  Um, and I was like, and then one of the guys I worked with, he was about to do it. So that's where I got the idea from. And I had started comedy at that time, like doing, working at the school during the day, and I would go to the comedy club at night.

• 52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  But yeah, the dude in the, the gas station. I remember it was a Hess, it was a Hess gas station. Well, shout out to him, man. A Hess gas station. And I asked, I seen, he had the black pants on with the yellow stripe.

• 52:53Stavros Halkias?

  You knew, yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  And I was like, that's my guy. I asked him.

• 52:56Stavros Halkias?

  And you were, you were like, kinda, you were ready for like a positive, almost pep talk.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:00Stavros Halkias?

  Like, yay, man, it's tough, but stick with it. You're something like that.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  He didn't give me any of that. He said, don't do it. You don't wanna do it.

• 53:07Stavros Halkias?

  And he's right. He was completely right.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  He was completely right.

• 53:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's a horrible decision.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  And these people, so, these correction officer people, they know my dad. So they're all, it's all city workers. So they're like, yo, why is he not, he did all this?

• 53:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:19Speaker 03

  My dad was so mad, he kicked me out.

• 53:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, really?

• 53:24Speaker 03

  He kicked me out. He was just like, get the fuck out.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  He was so mad. He pulled so many, he got me in. He did, and he was so mad, dawg.

• 53:35Stavros Halkias?

  Get the fuck out of my house, man.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Get out, bro. Get the fuck out.

• 53:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Meanwhile, my sisters are fucking stripper.

• 53:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome, probably making better money.

• 53:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, dawg.

• 53:50Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, yeah, making better money, um, being a better force in the world than a corrections officer.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  Oh, so crazy.

• 53:56Stavros Halkias?

  A stripper's a much better, a net positive on society, so much more than-

• 54:00Speaker 03

  I was so, when that Rick Ross shit came out, like about him being a C O M.

• 54:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  What's wrong with that? He was making money.

• 54:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:09Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that picture would have been so easy to put your head on his body, too. That would have been such an easy Photoshop.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Oh, my god, bruh.

• 54:18Stavros Halkias?

  That is such a good picture.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  I wanted to be a fireman, too, like, I want to do all the city shit.

• 54:22Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  And the fireman shit, I, I knew that test, that's what it was, I, I was preparing for the fireman test.

• 54:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:30Speaker 03

  And I knew that test, because I was like, oh, I can be a fireman, at night, comic.

• 54:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's better to, yeah, be a fireman, for sure.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  I'm still a little bitter about that, like, I was, because that was it, that was-

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  Did you fail it, or what?

• 54:41Speaker 03

  I didn't fail it, the city, um, it was the Bush, the, uh, what is it, the, the R word, what is it?

• 54:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, the recession?

• 54:49Speaker 03

  Recession, yes. The R word. That shit hit, and they closed all these fire stations, and they, they put the test on hold for two years.

• 54:58Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 54:58Speaker 03

  And I was like, fuck.

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  And that's why I decided to do the corrections officer route, but I'm, I'm so glad I talked to that dude.

• 55:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  But every time I see a fire truck in Philly, I'm like, damn.

• 55:08Stavros Halkias?

  It could have been me.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  That's one where I was like, I wanted to do that.

• 55:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  One of my friends, his name is Evan, he's a fireman, and, uh, he's, he's great, he's, you know, we both look at each other a lot, like, man, that's cool.

• 55:20Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, hilarious, well, you, I can't wait to get the perspective of an almost corrections officer to our fans here.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  Let's do it.

• 55:28Stavros Halkias?

  Let's play some calls, Aldous, what do we got, buddy?

• 55:33Speaker 03

  Hey, Stavi, hey, Aldous, hey, guests. Um, I'm in a little bit of-

• 55:37Stavros Halkias?

  Gullman ass.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Hey, Stavi, hey, Aldous, hey, guests, um, I'm in a little bit of predicament with my aunt right now.

• 55:45Stavros Halkias?

  Your aunt?

• 55:46Speaker 03

  I am recently single, I'm twenty years old. Old and at school the other day, my sister gave me a call saying, asking me if I'm seeing anyone, talking to anyone. I said, no. And then she said, okay. Auntie, your aunt's gonna send you some photos.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Of this girl, her hairdresser.

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, God.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  Who's nineteen. And Kyle, she's so pretty. And she's actually really funny. I met her today. I think you should get to know her.

• 56:17Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  And I said, okay, this is a little weird. And I thought these are gonna be photos of my aunt actively getting her haircut. And then the girls in the background, but no, this.

• 56:26Stavros Halkias?

  Why would they send you that?

• 56:28Speaker 03

  Beyond candid photos of this girl. Just doing her job, clearly stressed out. Um.

• 56:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  She's cute, I guess. But anyway, um.

• 56:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, about a week goes by and my sister's like, oh, did that girl follow you on Instagram? And no, obviously not, because this is weird. This, I think this is a weird situation. Uh, and then my aunt, she doesn't know that my sister told me yet. And she, she's like, oh, Kyle, like, if you need to get a haircut soon, I got you this gift card to my hair salon.

• 57:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Really.

• 57:05Stavros Halkias?

  They're not looking intricate.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  I like my barber, my, my hairdresser a lot. Uh, her name is so and so. Um. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure. Maybe when I need a haircut. But like, what do I do? Cause like, not even like on like a, I can't cheat on my barber thing. I don't really even care about that too much. Just like, I don't, like this girl, she, she could be nice, but like, this feels weird to me.

• 57:32Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't know. My aunt's really old. She's like sixty-five. I think that this feels like some like old timey way of setting up your.

• 57:42Speaker 04

  Your nephew kind of thing, I don't know, it's a little scary, I need your advice. How do I handle this situation? Bye bye. Mwah.

• 57:50Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  This guy, uh, wait, didn't he say she was cute?

• 57:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. He's twenty, she's nineteen.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, he says she was cute. Uh, I mean, it is a little weird, your aunt setting you up.

• 58:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, the thing is, I'm not clear that this girl knows about this, right? Isn't that something like?

• 58:09Speaker 03

  Well, she got, she got the aunt, didn't the aunt get the Instagram?

• 58:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, her aunt, so he thought they were gonna send pictures where she's like posing or something?

• 58:17Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 58:17Stavros Halkias?

  And they're clearly like, he says-

• 58:19Speaker 04

  It sounds like his aunt is just pointing her phone at her while she's like working and cutting her hair and shit.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  So the girl doesn't even know?

• 58:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's not the kind of thing where her aunt's like, you're so great, you should be my nephew. It's that like, her, his aunt's like sneak taking pictures and then, and then being like, you should try and fuck this. And not even, her, cause his sis, clear, she takes the pictures, texts his sister, you think your brother would like to fuck this girl or whatever, you know what I mean?

• 58:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:45Stavros Halkias?

  And then she tells, it's just such, it's so complicated for no reason. It is very funny that the aunt hasn't explicitly said, or maybe she did, cause she sent the pictures, right? Or did the sister send the pictures?

• 58:57Speaker 04

  The sister sent them.

• 58:58Stavros Halkias?

  So this is bizarre.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:00Stavros Halkias?

  Cause clearly aunt was like, this girl's cute, we should set up, you know, Frank with her or whatever. And then the aunt never told him, and is like, you should get your haircut here. And she's just kind of hoping it's gonna be like, you know, put the elements in play and let magic take over.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, he's supposed to go there, no cut, and he's like, hey, what's up? You know, uh, you know Theresa?

• 59:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 03

  How do you even start that conversation?

• 59:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I think what, the only thing, here's what you could do if you wanted to, right?

• 59:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know, maybe go get, you got a free haircut.

• 59:34Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right?

• 59:35Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:37Stavros Halkias?

  Just literally see if there's any chemistry here. I mean, look, what do you have to lose by getting a free haircut?

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:44Stavros Halkias?

  Chatting with her the way you would any kind of hairdresser.

• 59:47Speaker 03

  Or you could just come out and say, hey, uh, you know, my aunt, did you see her taking pictures of you?

• 59:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm sorry, my aunt's fucking weird.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  That's my auntie.

• 59:55Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  That's, that's sweet. I would, I would, um, if my, cause this, this has happened and you just kinda, you just kinda ignore auntie.

• 1:00:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  You're like, oh, that's sweet, auntie.

• 1:00:05Stavros Halkias?

  But what if you wanted to fuck the girl for real? Would you ignore her then?

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  I'm gonna go get a cut.

• 1:00:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:11Speaker 03

  Like, I'm gonna go get a cut. I mean, I'm like, alright.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  That's the thing, it is so weird, but if you're 20 and you're like, I could get pussy maybe.

• 1:00:18Stavros Halkias?

  You're not, yeah, you're not a 30-year-old man going and being like, um, so, do you, uh, do you like burritos? You know, just like nervous and blowing it weird at a hair, you're at a woman's hair salon?

• 1:00:30Speaker 03

  Or, or I would get, I would, I got sisters, so I would get my sisters to like, go scope it out. Like, hey, you check her out and bust it up with her and

• 1:00:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  Maybe I'll come pick you up or something. Like, we should do stuff like that, like,

• 1:00:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  I'll pick you up and then, you know.

• 1:00:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's gotta be, that's the advantage of having sisters for sure.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, if your sister's cool, they should, they should be able to do it. His sister sounds cool, cause she's sending, she's giving him the heads up.

• 1:00:53Stavros Halkias?

  She's kinda the go-between between the aunt.

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think you gotta get your sister involved somehow, if you're interested in talking to her.

• 1:00:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's not a bad idea, that's, but

• 1:01:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:02Stavros Halkias?

  I think like, uh,

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  But you, you can't bring up, you can't bring up that your aunt sent you pictures of her.

• 1:01:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, probably not.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  You gotta keep that low. Don't even, don't even look at, if you said she's cute, fine, but don't bring up the picture thing. Bring it up.

• 1:01:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's really funny, cause what if this becomes the love of your life?

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18Stavros Halkias?

  And then you're like, hey, just so you know.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Then you gotta give your aunt credit.

• 1:01:22Stavros Halkias?

  And then you gotta be like, hey, my aunt took weird pictures of you.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's something you say later if it works out.

• 1:01:27Stavros Halkias?

  Kinda like, the weird beginning that's hanging over your head. Like, what if she just realized my whole family's fucking creeps?

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's something you gotta release later, like, you know my aunt took pictures of you the first?

• 1:01:39Stavros Halkias?

  After you have a real bond, you have to let this go. But, yeah, I mean, look, I like the sister idea, that's interesting.

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  Get the sister involved.

• 1:01:47Stavros Halkias?

  But, worst case, like, honestly, your aunt wants to pay for a haircut for you to chat with a kinda nice girl?

• 1:01:53Speaker 03

  He's not gonna chat with her either. He's just gonna go in there and get a cut. I don't think this guy, I don't, I don't, I don't know, I don't.

• 1:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just saying, I would pro, this is how I would.

• 1:02:03Speaker 03

  You go in there, you're getting a cut. What's your first thing you're saying?

• 1:02:06Stavros Halkias?

  But they just make, they're good at making conversa- like, hairdressers and strippers are the best conversationalists I've ever met. Cause they have to do, they're filling time, you know what I mean?

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:16Stavros Halkias?

  The general bullshit conversation of like, so, you know.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  I'm so used to going to barbers, we don't talk. We don't say anything. We're just like, what do you want?

• 1:02:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the bar, the barber's a different experience than like the woman who cuts your hair.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, see.

• 1:02:29Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they'll just be, you know, you'll just make small talk. I mean, I've had, I've had like, you know, hair, you know, women who cut my hair just talk about literally everything.

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  Women who try and like, you know, like I've had women try and like get me into Christianity, like.

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:02:47Stavros Halkias?

  I've had women just like talk about the ravens when I'm in Baltimore. It runs the gamut of small talk.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  See, yeah, I never, I never went to a lady barber, so I wouldn't know that. So, yeah.

• 1:02:56Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, this is, I.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  All dudes cutting his head.

• 1:02:59Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:03:00Speaker 03

  Silence.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Only dudes can touch my head.

• 1:03:05Stavros Halkias?

  No eye contact.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, so I don't know. That's, I would say, if you feel the need for a buffer, get your sister in the mix to run interference. Cause she's kind of already playing that part by texting you.

• 1:03:18Speaker 03

  In the middle, yeah.

• 1:03:20Stavros Halkias?

  And if not, just go get a cut.

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  And do you like, do you like your aunt? Like, do you, you know, is this an aunt, you just, she's forcing her family shit on you, or?

• 1:03:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Is your aunt cool?

• 1:03:31Stavros Halkias?

  I know, a setup is a very old fashioned.

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  Very old fashioned.

• 1:03:34Stavros Halkias?

  Very old fashioned way, but I, I don't mind it, to be honest with you. I wouldn't mind getting set up if somebody was like, hey, you should meet my frie- somebody who knows you, like you should meet my friend. I mean, this is a little different, cause this is like, his aunt met just a nice girl.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:47Stavros Halkias?

  And was like, you should fuck my nephew. I'm, I'm worried he's gay. Let's find out. She's like, here, I'll pay you five hundred dollars. Fuck him off after he takes you to Chili's.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  She might be the cool aunt.

• 1:04:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it could be a cool aunt.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  She could be a cool aunt now that I think about it.

• 1:04:03Stavros Halkias?

  Could be a cool aunt. So yeah, just at the very least, go get the cut and see if there's even an iota of chemistry there.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  And make sure you woof him though. Like make sure you need a cut. Like go in there bad. So it'll get the conversation going. Like you sit there and she's like, whoa, what?

• 1:04:18Stavros Halkias?

  And that way she feels like she really did a great job on you too.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point. Um, all right. Well, good luck, buddy. What else we got, Eldis? Hey, stuff. Um, thirty-six-year-old dude around your same age. Went to school, have a good job. Everything's cool, right? But I'm in a situation right now in a new job where I have someone that is technically on my payroll that kind of works for me, but only like one day a month. But in our interactions, everything is super cool. And she has definitely thrown signals my way. I haven't thrown any signals back because technically I'm her boss.

• 1:05:06Stavros Halkias?

  I know it's not super cool, but her job is very temporary and she's in school, about to be out of her job. I was just curious, man, like, in your opinion, what's my move? Like, what do I do here? Because there's definitely chemistry. I don't want to say that the fact that I technically am her department manager would soil us being able to pursue the chemistry between us. There's definitely chemistry, huh? Anyway, big, big listener of the show, big fan, and would love to hear what you have. Thanks a lot, man. Appreciate you. Okay.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  He's thirty-six. Did he say how old she was?

• 1:05:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's also nineteen. He's the hairdresser on her day off.

• 1:05:56Speaker 03

  He didn't. He did say she's in school about to be out of the job, though, and this sounds like a temporary thing.

• 1:06:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're talking grad school or fucking college, bro? Because if this is a twenty-two-year-old, that's all. Then we've added another layer of this being fucking weird.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, shit.

• 1:06:13Stavros Halkias?

  Because, okay, the number-one thing to always be honest with yourself about is, when you say there is definitely chemistry, is that true? Look deep in your soul, man. Stop. Here's what I want you to do. Jack off, and in the seven minutes that you have clarity,

• 1:06:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  ask yourself, do you actually have chemistry with this woman? Because, and this happens all the time, whether it's customer service, whether it's like, I mean, you know, the biggest one, obviously, is sex workers, strippers, whatever. You're like, oh, I think she actually likes me. You know what I mean? Like, um, but also-

• 1:06:50Speaker 03

  She's probably just really nice.

• 1:06:51Stavros Halkias?

  Also, coworkers is a big one. Like, how polite is this person? Like, and also, if she's a younger person who's at her, I guess, sounds like an internship. I don't know. Maybe, I hope it's not, I hope it is like grad school or some shit. And if that's the case, there's more leeway here, but it's like, be honest with yourself. Is this just someone who's very nice to her coworkers at your job? And if that is not the, if you really think that you have some chemistry, and this is a, you know, temporary job, and you really don't have any, like, does she need a letter of recommendation from you? Is that why she's being nice?

• 1:07:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:31Stavros Halkias?

  Is there some other factor? If you really don't have any, if there's no other factor that's making her be nice, that you guys are just loose coworkers in a temporary job, then there's nothing wrong with, at the end of this.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  If everything checks out, she's of age, and she's-

• 1:07:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  She's the right age, and there really is chemistry?

• 1:07:53Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. And let's stress that part.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, trust it. And I'd say, now, now, she's temporary, so if you go that route, does he have to give her another job, give her another stay?

• 1:08:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, definitely not. In fact, I would say- What, the way you do this is when this is coming to an end. So it has nothing to do with the job, you're not even coworkers anymore, you say, hey, it was great working with you. You know, I've really liked spending time with you, you want to go out for a drink sometime, or something like that.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:22Stavros Halkias?

  At the end, when there's no, when there's nothing about, you know, especially he's saying it's about to come to an end anyway. When she's wrapping up, that's, I think, the safest bet, is like, ask somebody out when she's out on the way out the door.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  Now, what if she, what if she brings up, what if she goes, hey, you want to go out sometime, she goes, I don't know, I need a job. Or something like, what if, what if she, what if she's been playing you this whole time? Yeah, like, what if?

• 1:08:48Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, then, then you have another set of decisions to make.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, I don't know, you tell me, I mean, I don't work anywhere anymore, so, like, what if that comes out?

• 1:08:56Stavros Halkias?

  I don't really have the money to fucking go get a drink.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  I mean, I am interested, but, I don't work there anymore. What are you gonna do about that? You gotta think about that, it's like, uh.

• 1:09:07Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think he has the authority to just be, to be trading pussy for jobs. It's my read on the situation. And if some, if a woman has been that explicitly, like, get me a job and I'll go to Chili's with you.

• 1:09:23Stavros Halkias?

  I would not trust that, I would, I would say, oh, she's not trying to, she's trying to, the second the ink is dry on this, on this offer sheet. She's fucking losing my number. But yeah, I don't know.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  I want to know if it's definitely chemistry.

• 1:09:38Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I would love, it would be.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  He said all the shit when he says soil. Would you soil us?

• 1:09:47Stavros Halkias?

  Um, yeah dude, I don't know, I think that's kind of how I would handle it, I mean, if, as long as she's not dependent on you for anything. And it really is just sort of like, you're technically her supervisor, but who really gives a fuck? At the end of it, I say you can ask her out, it's not the craziest thing in the world.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:05Stavros Halkias?

  But I would love to have some close Temporary job. Television footage of of their interactions. I would love to a lot, because we get a lot of our co, you know, coworker calls, a lot of this shit. I would just love to just, I would just like a a close up of a woman's face when she's interacting with the guy. I don't even need to see him. I need to see her act, her eyes. I don't even need to see her whole face. I just want to see like what her eyes do when he turns his back, you know? Yeah, do we get a roll? Does the smile drop immediately? We'll see. I don't mean to be a hater. I'm just, you know. I know how this can go. Good luck. Absolutely. What else we got, Eldis?

• 1:10:42Speaker 07

  Hey, Stav. What up, Eldis? Hello, esteemed guest. I'm calling today as a first time caller, long time listener, big fan of you. Uh, but, uh, so I got this conundrum, I guess. So my girlfriend and I are pretty savvy travelers. We find a lot of good deals and usually end up going to some pretty amazing places, uh, on the cheap. And, uh, I've recently found myself in a situation where I am unemployed for the time being. Uh, right now, it's a pretty short term thing. I'm not really sure where life is going to lead me.

• 1:11:16Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:11:17Speaker 07

  Um, but my girlfriend is still in a pretty decent financial spot and that travel bug is still uh, very active in her and she keeps showing me these deals, uh, where we could uh, hypothetically, uh, afford something with my situation. Um, I have, I have a little bit of money saved up, but it's becoming a thing where I I'm scared of like, how would my family look at me?

• 1:11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Your family?

• 1:11:50Speaker 07

  You know, if I was unemployed and taking these, uh, for the money, extremely lavish trips. Not a lot, not a big expense wise, but to somebody who isn't that familiar with traveling.

• 1:12:02Stavros Halkias?

  Or she's pictures of me and my girlfriend were on some beautiful beach or something. You know, it's just, I, I, I worry, what would that look like? It to, you know, my mother, my father, who I, I sometimes ask for gas money. Well, don't do that, you fucking asshole.

• 1:12:16Stavros Halkias?

  You know, borrow a couple bucks to take care of something during the week between my unemployment checks.

• 1:12:20Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, what? You ask your family for gas money?

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's where you lost.

• 1:12:25Stavros Halkias?

  And you're thinking about going to fucking Tulum?

• 1:12:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:28Stavros Halkias?

  Are you out of your fucking mind?

• 1:12:30Speaker 03

  I didn't know it was that.

• 1:12:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's crazy, dude.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  He said family, I'm like, fuck you, same thing, fuck your family, you're like, gas money, oh. They're gonna be pissed.

• 1:12:38Stavros Halkias?

  You can't, you can't fill up your tank to go to Marshalls, but you're gonna fucking get on a Delta flight?

• 1:12:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, nah, you can't, you can't ask your parents for gas money.

• 1:12:46Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, let's finish the call, but I, this is, that's fucking funny as shit. So I just love you guys' thoughts on this, um, do I, I go with my girlfriend financially? Uh, the situation wouldn't be that big of a hit for us. But, um, I just worry about the optics of it to all the people, so I'd love to know your thoughts on this. Eldis, don't let this guy give you a hard time, you're fucking awesome. All right, love you guys, peace out. That'll get you through the screaming process. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he really does have bad judgment.

• 1:13:17Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, I think the, the answer is twofold, right? Number one, if you have money saved up, you're, you and your girl know how to do trips, you know how to travel cheap, you're not above doing a travel airline.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  She's controlling it, she's, you know, she picks out the cheap spots.

• 1:13:33Stavros Halkias?

  Like, if, and you're both okay with it, it's not the kind of thing where you have some like, dumb bitch partner who's like,

• 1:13:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:39Stavros Halkias?

  Take me somewhere expensive, even though you're unemployed.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  Seems like she's working it out, and she's like, let's find something that fits both your lifestyles.

• 1:13:46Stavros Halkias?

  And you both, you seem to be in like, it seems to be a really serious relationship, where it's like, you feel comfortable taking a bit of a financial risk, because you know you're gonna be with this person long term. Uh, and you're saying it's not a big financial hit to take this trip. Okay, that's great. Take the trip. The second part is, grow up and stop asking your fucking parents for gas money, you fucking loser. It's one thing if you need it, but you don't, if you're going on, if you're even considering going on vacation, and you ask your father for forty dollars? I mean, this makes, you're honestly are making me sick right now. It's so pathetic.

• 1:14:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you don't have to, uh, post or tell your family.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  You know, they don't have to know, but it is fucked up if they don't know and you're asking for, for money.

• 1:14:38Stavros Halkias?

  I, I think, I, yes, I think what this is, I think what you have realized is that you are a coddled boy. Who still depends on his family. Look, maybe, this is definitely a, this, this ignites something in me as someone who like never, my parents never could do any, you know what I mean? Like, I couldn't even imagine asking my family for rent, let alone gas money or what, you know what I mean? Like, from a young age, I just knew my parents could never, so whenever I see someone who's like still in like, you know, whatever, you're in college, you're still figuring it out, you need a little help, that's one thing, but you're set up to the point where you're a fucking jet, you got a travel blog with your girlfriend, and you still ask for fucking gas money, it just, it, just grow up.

• 1:15:20Stavros Halkias?

  You're, you're a little spoiled, just be a fucking man, uh, and just, yeah. Take the trip and stop asking your parents for money, you're, you're an adult with a fucking job, even though you got fired.

• 1:15:30Speaker 03

  If you have to ask them, I mean, ask, ask your homies, ask, you know, ask your homies.

• 1:15:35Stavros Halkias?

  But he, I don't, here's my read, he doesn't have to. Because he has enough money to think about going on vacation. He does it, he does like, daddy, can I have forty dollars? Like, he does it like a, like a hot girl asking for a purse. You know what I mean?

• 1:15:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, take the trip, stop asking, yeah, you're right.

• 1:15:52Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's, I think that's the answer. Like, you have to decide who you are right now. Are you your own man, who under, who's in a good relationship, where you both like traveling and you know you can take a bit of a financial risk? Uh, because you have the money. saved up and this is part of your lifestyle and by the way you're young you're unemployed now kind of is the time to travel

• 1:16:12Speaker 03

  for sure you should absolutely take the trip

• 1:16:14Stavros Halkias?

  if you lock into a job that's a serious job you might not get you know this is America sucks

• 1:16:20Speaker 03

  your girl is gonna be going on trips by herself go on all the trips but yeah

• 1:16:25Stavros Halkias?

  now's the time to do it and stop asking for fucking money you fucking pussy next question eldest

• 1:16:33Stavros Halkias?

  and by the way if you're somebody who need you know who needs a little help every now again that's different but we're talking to this guy who you know

• 1:16:41Stavros Halkias?

  fuck him you know what I'm saying

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  ah eldest what's up everybody so I got I got a unique one uh I got a friend who you know hasn't god bless him hasn't gotten a lot of play throughout the years I've known this man you know going on fucking fifteen years on this dude since high school so um just hasn't gotten a lot of play no hate on him it is what it is but like his newest thing on like attempting to get chicks is like drawing them and posting them to his Instagram

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  and like I mean legit taking a photo from their page and drawing it and posting it being like

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  got inspired by at so and so to draw this beautiful picture um yeah and all this stuff so it's one thing already weird enough that he's doing that but just to be honest the dude fucking sucks at art like he fucking sucks like it looks like you know fifth grade doodle shit I don't know it's like so bad and so you know I'm just kind of

• 1:18:08Speaker 07

  For the past couple of months been seeing him do this and completely wrecking his fucking like online aura. And the other night I he posted one and I was just like, Jesus Christ dude, like. Like what the fuck are you talking about? So I went and I looked on his follows and the followers. And the chick that he drew doesn't follow him back. He doesn't follow her. So it's made me come to this weird ass conclusion that my friend is like cyber stalking chicks. And like drawing them. And it's just really weird because as demented as this shit is.

• 1:18:50Speaker 07

  I don't think he's gotten any fucking play from it. So yeah, like.

• 1:18:55Stavros Halkias?

  Drawing shitty pictures of strangers?

• 1:18:57Speaker 07

  I know I gotta talk to him or maybe I don't. Like that's why I'm calling you fuckers. Uh, let me know. Cause yeah, this shit is pretty insane.

• 1:19:07Stavros Halkias?

  This is, this is nuts.

• 1:19:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, he, yeah, that, that's so creepy. And the fact that he can't even draw is.

• 1:19:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that is the cherry on top.

• 1:19:15Speaker 03

  Yo, yeah, damn dog. You gotta, uh, what to tell him? Tell him the.

• 1:19:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, imagine this is one of your friends. What if your friend is doing this?

• 1:19:25Speaker 03

  I would straight tell him like, that shit is creepy. You can't even draw. Like you have to seriously tell him. Like no kidding. This is bad. You should stop.

• 1:19:34Stavros Halkias?

  You have to tell him, not only do you need to stop, you need to pretend. You had to go to rehab or something. You had to say, you have to get on Instagram, delete all these from your Instagram. And do a post about going to like. A psych- a psychiatric hospital for three days. And now you're on meds and you feel like yourself again. You need to pretend this was psychotic break.

• 1:19:56Speaker 03

  This would only work if you can draw or you're super attractive.

• 1:20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, if you could draw, yeah, if you're really, really talented and you make a really good portrait. I could see this maybe working.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  But he doesn't even know the girls he's drawing.

• 1:20:11Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't know them at all.

• 1:20:12Speaker 03

  And that's, that's, that's the crazy part.

• 1:20:14Speaker 04

  I'm, I'm gonna play devil's advocate for the loser friend because like this is, you know, if it's people that it would, this would be weird if it was like people he knew in his daily life. He's just like tagging some regular bitches, but if he's like, you know, tagging streamers and stuff. You know, people make fan art like that and.

• 1:20:33Speaker 03

  They do.

• 1:20:34Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think he's tagging streamers. He's probably tagging like a girl with like, you know, eight thousand followers who's hot as shit or something. That's my guess.

• 1:20:41Speaker 04

  But still, that is, that's like a very low level form of what I'm talking about, but it's still like, you know.

• 1:20:47Speaker 03

  Didn't they say he, he sees them like out? Did they say that?

• 1:20:52Speaker 04

  I don't think so. It wasn't, it wasn't clear that this is like anyone from his like daily personal life. And that alone is like, you know, he's just like clout chasing through his drawing, like.

• 1:21:02Stavros Halkias?

  But he sucks digging drawing.

• 1:21:04Speaker 04

  I know, but.

• 1:21:05Speaker 03

  Is this the only thing that brings him joy?

• 1:21:09Speaker 03

  Is this, is this like something that makes him happy or something?

• 1:21:13Stavros Halkias?

  So you're eldest, you're advocating for simping reply guying on steroids. And listen, there's guys who have reply guy their way into pussy. That happens a lot, right? There was an initial wave of women pretending they hate all their reply guys. And I've been seeing a lot of recent like, give your reply guy a chance to which it's just some guy with a hot girl. And yes, is there a way to, if he was good at drawing, is it still pathetic and I can't cosign this behavior if one of my friends was doing this? Would I say that's awesome or would I relentlessly mock him for this? I would, I would relentlessly mock him.

• 1:21:49Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:21:50Stavros Halkias?

  But if he could draw, and, and especially if you caught someone who thinks, who wishes she was famous, but isn't. She makes her feel like, oh, I got fan art even though he's just, you know, whatever. She's just a Twitch streamer that gets like four viewers per stream or whatever the fuck. Could it work? Maybe. But the fact that this is someone who does not fuck to begin with, right?

• 1:22:13Speaker 03

  He's not good, yeah.

• 1:22:14Stavros Halkias?

  And he's bad at drawing. And he has ostensibly no relationship to these people at all.

• 1:22:20Speaker 03

  And bro, that's gonna fall back on you. Like that's your boy.

• 1:22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's the other thing.

• 1:22:24Speaker 03

  That's gonna, that's gonna want to back in. Yeah, that's gonna be associated with you. You gotta get him to stop if it's not working. Cause it's gonna fall back on you.

• 1:22:33Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that it sucks, does that, does that change your opinion at all?

• 1:22:36Speaker 04

  Yes, it's not good. My, my only, my only point is.

• 1:22:42Speaker 04

  My only point is, I don't read this as pure simpery. I read it as, it is, it is a little, but I read it as like the fallacy of like, you know, just like, you know, hustle grind culture, like just put your shit out there and like try to like.

• 1:23:00Stavros Halkias?

  This guy is trying to be a fucking artist?

• 1:23:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, this ain't.

• 1:23:03Stavros Halkias?

  He's trying to fuck these women. What are you talking about?

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  I get that grind hustle grind culture, put it out there and some of that shit needs to stop too.

• 1:23:11Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  But, yeah, he's just trying to fuck.

• 1:23:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like, is he drawing a picture of any man?

• 1:23:17Stavros Halkias?

  Even one guy?

• 1:23:19Speaker 04

  Fair. I don't know. I, I, I just, I just think like.

• 1:23:22Stavros Halkias?

  This is the equivalent of being, of buying a fucking camera and DMing hot women. Would you like to do a photo shoot?

• 1:23:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:29Stavros Halkias?

  This is like, this is that behavior, except it's like drawing them and hoping, you know, whatever.

• 1:23:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've seen that on the train where a guy or, or a girl or somebody is drawing something from a person across from them. But it's, it's good, but they do it quickly.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:44Speaker 03

  And then they show the person, or maybe I seen that on Instagram. I just said, I said that. I just put Instagram, something I seen on Instagram, something I seen, I seen that on Instagram. I don't even know if it was real, but I didn't see that in real life at all.

• 1:23:57Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen that as well, yeah.

• 1:23:59Speaker 03

  But, uh, yeah, no, he's just trying to fuck. So, yeah, you gotta, you gotta tell him or get the fuck away from him.

• 1:24:05Stavros Halkias?

  And, and, and I think if he was good, this would be a potential, the same way, everyone does everything to get pussy at the end of the day, right?

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Stand up, any artist, if he was good at drawing, I do think this could be a way of him to at least get some attention maybe, but being bad at it and also it's like, let's, let's, let's treat the problem at the root cause. Why are you not getting pussy?

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, he wasn't getting pussy before this. What makes you think you better get pussy doing this?

• 1:24:34Stavros Halkias?

  Right. And maybe, and maybe if you, if you're, if you're committed to this, if you love drawing for real, let's take some classes before we start doing this.

• 1:24:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:42Stavros Halkias?

  And maybe let's work on ourselves a little bit. The classic incel advice we give everyone. This could, you know, we tell people, pick up a hobby and get better at it. Maybe drawing is this thing, maybe get better at drawing, go to the gym, buy better clothes.

• 1:24:56Speaker 03

  I don't know if you, can you get better at drawing? I feel like you can or you can't.

• 1:24:59Stavros Halkias?

  You can, it's just very hard.

• 1:25:01Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. How about adult, adult coloring?

• 1:25:04Stavros Halkias?

  Adult coloring?

• 1:25:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. Your boy should do that. Do some coloring. Don't draw. If your boy, if your boys, if you're saying it fucking sucks, you gotta give him a stop. Maybe suggest something else.

• 1:25:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, and this isn't a hater, this is his friend, you know what I mean?

• 1:25:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:20Stavros Halkias?

  This is his friend who's being honest here. So I don't know, Eldis, I don't, I, I do, I think-

• 1:25:25Speaker 04

  Either way, I'm not condoning it.

• 1:25:27Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like you are.

• 1:25:28Speaker 04

  I just don't, you know, I'm like, this could be a pathetic attempt to try to like-

• 1:25:33Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:25:34Speaker 04

  Grow his following through like doing fan art.

• 1:25:36Stavros Halkias?

  By drawing famous people.

• 1:25:37Speaker 04

  I'm like people with more followers.

• 1:25:39Stavros Halkias?

  And hoping for a repost or something.

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  Right, right. You guys gotta get, you gotta, you gotta get drunk or have a guy's night and just pull it out just to laugh at him with the bros. Maybe shame it out of him. Yeah, just get, go out one night, cause this, this, this letter is, this text or whatever is hilarious, this voicemail is hilarious. Get lit, get drunk, and get him around a bunch of guys that you guys are cool with.

• 1:26:00Stavros Halkias?

  Really backfiring though. I, I have certain friends that would definitely work on it. I have certain friends that I think this would have caused them to dig their heels in deeper. And maybe not even speak to me for like three months.

• 1:26:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, that has happened too. But they always come back.

• 1:26:16Speaker 03

  You know, like, my friends haven't talked to me for a year and then we come back and we're good.

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. You need to be, either way, you need to be on record as against this.

• 1:26:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:26:25Stavros Halkias?

  Next question, Eldis.

• 1:26:27Speaker 03

  Fucking sucks, it's so funny.

• 1:26:29Stavros Halkias?

  I know, that's the part that offends him the most.

• 1:26:34Speaker 06

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• 1:27:34Speaker 07

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• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  Dov, what's up dude? Long time, first time here. Uh, got a little bit of a situation with the old ex-girlfriend. Classic. Um, so me and this girl dating for three years. Broke up with one another. Kind of a mutual thing, moving in different directions. But right before we broke up, she's a hockey player in college. We break up the weekend before. She goes to a hockey tournament, doesn't tell me who it's with. I assume it's with like a women's team. Come to find out, when we're actually breaking up, it was with a men's team. And the guy, the captain of this team is a firefighter. It's like a police firefighter tournament that they're playing hockey.

• 1:28:32Speaker 03

  And the captain of this team is a guy who she used to be involved with. They were seeing each other before we started dating.

• 1:28:38Stavros Halkias?

  Who cares?

• 1:28:39Speaker 03

  And so she didn't know I put this together. I said, oh, you know, like I recognize that name of that dude that you're playing hockey with. Like, what's the deal there? Like, I don't think that's super cool to be spending a weekend with him while like technically we're still dating, like before things have cleanly ended. And so she got super defensive. It's like, there's nothing going on between us, like blah, blah, blah. I haven't thought about him since before we started dating XYZ. I'm like, okay, well, obviously none of that's true. And then as we break up, a couple of months later, we're still kind of connected on social media and stuff, but she just starts like dropping little hints that they're definitely seeing each other, not like a hard launch, but like a soft launch.

• 1:29:20Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 1:29:20Speaker 03

  And so we end up talking, I moved cities a couple of months ago. We end up talking and before I leave, she was like, well, like if you were to start dating somebody, I would hope that you would let me know before you like hard launch them or like anything like.

• 1:29:35Stavros Halkias?

  These kids are clearly 22.

• 1:29:36Speaker 03

  I'm not thinking about being romantic and like, I would really hope that in the future, if you ever move back to my area, it would like work out between us.

• 1:29:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's what's.

• 1:29:43Speaker 03

  And so that's been the vibe of like, we both realize we still have feelings for each other, but are moving in different directions. And then this motherfucking firefighter.

• 1:29:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:50Speaker 03

  Gets on my Instagram and I, I pull up the gram. I posted an Instagram reel. Give me a follow if you want at.

• 1:29:58Speaker 03

  But I posted Instagram reel on Instagram.com and this motherfucker likes my Instagram reels, but then blocks my account. So I obviously have a screenshot of the notification, but I'm just wondering like, what do you think I do with that? This is good information to have. Do I play the cards close? Do I hold on to that information for a while? Or do I just send it to her and be like, what's the deal with your boy?

• 1:30:23Stavros Halkias?

  This is your ex-girlfriend?

• 1:30:24Speaker 03

  Anything there. But, you know, let me know. Put this on a free episode. If you do put it on a free episode, I will subscribe to your Patreon and then, uh, yeah. Then we're in business from there. So looking forward to working with you.

• 1:30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, look, you're a fucking child. This is what this comes down to. This is like, we just heard one of the most, uh, and I went to school and I was Spider-Man, but then somebody told me that he was Dr. Octopus, but I said, no, you can't beat me. I'm Spider-Man. The good guy always wins.

• 1:30:53Speaker 03

  It started good and then it just got super childish towards him.

• 1:30:57Stavros Halkias?

  But the thing is, I, it's tough because I know I remember these feelings. But this is like the way I remember what it's like to be worried about like, fitting in in middle school. It's like, dude, this is your ex. She's fucking this guy. She fucked him while you were dating. She feels bad about it. She's a mess. You both have bad emotional boundaries.

• 1:31:18Speaker 03

  It's over.

• 1:31:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's over. Don't, what do you mean, hold on to this information?

• 1:31:22Speaker 03

  Didn't he move? He said he moved, right?

• 1:31:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what the fuck are you gonna do? Oh, the guy she's fucking followed you on Instagram? Who fucking cares? It's fucking weird. It's weird behavior on all your parts, right?

• 1:31:33Speaker 03

  Don't screenshot it. Don't send it to her.

• 1:31:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what does that get you? What does that get you? Be honest, like, in what world do you think this is the big card that you throw down and you're like, aha, I knew it or whatever the fuck?

• 1:31:46Speaker 03

  He might be a messy bitch. He's a messy bitch.

• 1:31:49Stavros Halkias?

  His feelings are hurt, right? And, and look, I get that. And you're, you want, what you want is some revenge on clearly being soft-cucked and being lied to. Here's the, here's the truth. Here's a, here is a universal truth you have to learn right now. There is no Satisfaction in life, nothing good ever happens, it's all random, it's all pain. Your life will be more and more of these moments, right? The quicker you get over this, the easier it will be going forward. This is over, put this girl out of your head. I'm not saying you might not fuck her at some point, it might line up.

• 1:32:25Speaker 03

  If you wanna be, continue to be messy and all that, and you really, like, I don't know, it might be kinda fun to go back and fuck her if you visit your old town.

• 1:32:35Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:32:36Speaker 03

  If you, if she wants to cheat with you and you wanna be messy, go for it.

• 1:32:39Stavros Halkias?

  But the thing is, he's too emo, he's too wrapped up in this.

• 1:32:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta, you gotta get some, get some other.

• 1:32:44Stavros Halkias?

  You need some distance, bro, you need to completely forget about this.

• 1:32:47Speaker 03

  Get out of the hockey girls, go to a soccer girl.

• 1:32:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for sure, I like the athlete move, but also you have to know that like, even her saying this to you is like an immature thing of like.

• 1:33:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's messy too.

• 1:33:01Stavros Halkias?

  She's messy, she doesn't know what her real feelings are, she probably feels guilty, she does like you, you know, but she was getting some firehouse dick, she's sliding down the pole and jumping on his cock, she's probably doing some of that shit. Like, she probably feels bad, a- and I've, I also remember being like 22 and doing these like half measures where you're like, you know, we broke up, but you'll always be special to me, you know, shit like that where you're like, one day, if it ever works out, you know you're lying to yourself, you know what I mean? And the, the quicker you move on, the better off you'll be, and here's the other thing, I'm not even saying it's impossible that you might link up again, but the way that happens is if you totally are over her,

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  and you guys reconnect as more mature people, right? Even you saying all this bullshit about the reel and the like.

• 1:33:52Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, the liking of the reel, like Instagram is so fickle now. You don't, your reel, y'all don't have to follow each other, it just comes up.

• 1:34:00Stavros Halkias?

  Well, the guy followed him, the guy's clearly spying on him.

• 1:34:03Speaker 03

  Oh, you can move him though.

• 1:34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, he blocked, the guy followed him, liked the reel and then blocked him. Which is, there's just a lot of weird childishness going on here.

• 1:34:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, you need to block that dude. Don't even pay attention to the like.

• 1:34:16Stavros Halkias?

  I would say.

• 1:34:17Speaker 03

  But I can see how that affects a 20 year old. I don't know how.

• 1:34:20Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:34:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, that, because we didn't, we didn't have to deal with that.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, I fully understand where he's coming from, but I, our job as unks.

• 1:34:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:34:28Stavros Halkias?

  Is to tell him.

• 1:34:30Speaker 03

  As an unk, I'll go through the same shit.

• 1:34:32Stavros Halkias?

  This is like, yeah, yeah, this is, yeah, exactly. It's like, we were there, brother, and we're telling you it's a waste of time.

• 1:34:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is a waste.

• 1:34:40Stavros Halkias?

  This is all over. You let go of this, this woman, like, clearly you is, you know, you're relatively young, you're talking about college, you know, whatever. At least I hope so. This could be, they're, they're, they're in their 40s and these are like, intermu, these are, these are like, you know, semi-pro shitty college beer league, uh, hockey teams or whatever. That would be pathetic. I hope you're young, otherwise this is one of the status calls we've ever gotten. But like, let it go, brother. It's all good. There's no, you have no, this is not a card to play.

• 1:35:09Speaker 03

  Let it go. Meet somebody in your new city. Meet some other girls in your new city.

• 1:35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Forget about this girl. Completely get her out of your head.

• 1:35:15Speaker 03

  Don't check her Instagram. I know you're checking her Instagram too.

• 1:35:18Stavros Halkias?

  Do not check her Instagram. You gotta move on, bro. No contact, move forward. You broke up amicably, right? You're holding on to this weird like maybe one day bullshit. The more you're doing that, how long ago was this? These days was like three years ago?

• 1:35:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, they dated for three years, I think.

• 1:35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, they dated for three years. And is that college?

• 1:35:36Speaker 03

  I see, she's a hockey player in college.

• 1:35:41Stavros Halkias?

  Move on, brother. This is a tough one. This is probably his first very serious relationship. So it's gonna hurt a lot.

• 1:35:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:35:47Stavros Halkias?

  And you will be in pain and you will think about her, but the less you check up on her, the better you'll be. Go fuck other girls. That's the sure way out.

• 1:35:55Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 1:35:56Stavros Halkias?

  You have a fun one for us to go out on here, Eldis?

• 1:35:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:36:01Speaker 04

  What's up, Stavi? Love the show. First time caller. So I'm a urologist. I look at around 5,000 penises, uh, every year. Nice. Um, just wanted to get your opinion on something. There is a procedure called a hemplant that a lot of guys are saying is unethical.

• 1:36:16Stavros Halkias?

  Essentially, it's like the silicone sheath you put under the skin gives you like three to four centimeters of girth and then it pushes the penis out so flaccid you look as long as you can possibly get. You don't really get much more length when you're when you're completely erect, but it makes you look super hung when you're flaccid. The downside is that you have a one to two percent chance of getting infected and in that case it like destroys your penis completely. So there's a couple of guys doing it in Austin, New York and it makes them a ton of money. I'm on the fence. I don't know. Would you do it? Should I do the procedure and uh, you know? Thanks. Like your show. It gives me something to listen to in between prostate exams. All right.

• 1:36:56Speaker 03

  That just made me feel like you see how you you watch um, like a movie and somebody gets a nut shot. That's what it makes me feel like. I'm like ah.

• 1:37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Two percent chance you have no cock?

• 1:37:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:06Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not doing any, I'm not doing any surgery where there's a two percent chance my dick is gone, is eaten by bacteria dude.

• 1:37:14Speaker 03

  And it it it said it gives you more li- li- length when you're soft. Like who the fuck?

• 1:37:22Speaker 03

  Who the fuck cares about that?

• 1:37:23Stavros Halkias?

  It makes your dick look cool. It makes your dick look cooler. It's like, what are we doing here, man?

• 1:37:29Speaker 03

  I do not care about my soft dick looking big.

• 1:37:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's another part of growing up.

• 1:37:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:34Stavros Halkias?

  I have a pathetic little small soft dick and I don't give a fuck.

• 1:37:37Speaker 03

  Ah nah man.

• 1:37:39Stavros Halkias?

  This, now he's asking, should he do this?

• 1:37:42Speaker 03

  To himself?

• 1:37:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, he's a doctor and he's like, I, some people are saying this is unethical. Should I do it?

• 1:37:49Speaker 04

  But he says there's doctors making bank doing this shit in Austin, New York and.

• 1:37:53Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, is it?

• 1:37:54Speaker 03

  Wait, I'm confused. He he's thinking about getting the surgery?

• 1:37:56Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, he's a doctor.

• 1:37:57Speaker 03

  He's a doctor.

• 1:37:58Stavros Halkias?

  And he's thinking about adding it to his repertoire of, of adding it to the menu at his cock clinic.

• 1:38:04Speaker 03

  And he said it makes a lot of money. Uh, i- i- if you care about dicks, when you do it, if you care about the the people.

• 1:38:11Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, the thing is though, people.

• 1:38:15Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, a lot of cosmetic surgery does probably have a one or two percent chance of being catastrophic, I would assume, right?

• 1:38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:38:22Stavros Halkias?

  You see people who have, who get botched all the time.

• 1:38:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:38:25Stavros Halkias?

  And if, I mean, if these guys, I mean, there's no medical reason to do it, obviously, right? You just kind of put.

• 1:38:33Speaker 03

  When did that, I've never heard, this got me feeling uncomfortable.

• 1:38:35Stavros Halkias?

  This is new, yeah, I mean, I, I hate this, this, first of all, this, this shows you how, I mean, the second they actually figure out making dicks bigger medically, it will be the biggest industry in the world.

• 1:38:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're gonna be, we're gonna be, we're gonna be dead and gone.

• 1:38:51Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, we're gonna put, uh, we put packing peanuts in your cock, so it looks bigger while you're soft. And there's guys that are like, yes, please, I want a soft, I want my dick to look big soft. Put some fucking bubble wrap around, cut the skin open and wrap my dick in bubble wrap, so it looks bigger.

• 1:39:06Speaker 03

  It doesn't add much length to it when it's erect.

• 1:39:09Stavros Halkias?

  It adds a little girth, basically.

• 1:39:10Speaker 03

  Oh, girth, uh.

• 1:39:11Stavros Halkias?

  But he's talking about two to three centimeters, which is like, you know, is that enough? And you just have a weird piece of silicone in your dick? You basically have a little, you have a little breast implant wrapped around your dick? How is that good? That's crazy. Now, is it ethical for you to do it? I mean, if these guys want it.

• 1:39:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:32Stavros Halkias?

  And you're like, look, here's the thing, it doesn't, you can offer it, but I wouldn't make it like, you know, the, the thing of your clinic, the, the whole thing of your clinic.

• 1:39:41Speaker 03

  He might not have to offer it, he probably, he says he's seen five thousand dicks, so they probably bringing it to him.

• 1:39:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:47Speaker 03

  And I think if, if they're bringing it up and they want to do it, go for it.

• 1:39:52Speaker 04

  It feels like it could be a point of no return for his career. Like, you ever see those, like, plastic surgery shows and you're like, hold on, this guy went to medical school. He is legit, but he's got like, jet black swooped hair, and he's, he's dressed like, you know, like he's Ryan Seacrest's cousin or something like.

• 1:40:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:13Speaker 04

  I feel like once you're the, like, silicone cock doctor.

• 1:40:17Stavros Halkias?

  When you're the cock implant doctor, that's hard to be taken seriously.

• 1:40:20Speaker 03

  I got a dick doctor.

• 1:40:21Speaker 04

  It's like, that, that could end up just being your lane. And do you care? Do you want that? Could you make more bank off that?

• 1:40:29Stavros Halkias?

  You could also do it in different ways where you have the practice, that's the dick plumping practice. It's different branding, it's different everything, and then you have your regular, you know.

• 1:40:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'd say link, link with the other doctors too, start a little group chat. See?

• 1:40:45Stavros Halkias?

  No, they don't want him on their corner, dude. They're like, "I fucking make the dicks bigger here." But, bro, don't even think about putting silicone around other guys' little ass dicks. That's my shit. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. What is this percentage? What is the... I guess my question would be, compared to other procedures, is 1 or 2% higher in terms of catastrophic results? Because if it is, then maybe it is unethical, you know what I mean? Like, if usually a procedure has like a 0.2% chance of fucking up, but you're pushing more dangerous stuff to make more money, then it is unethical. But if this is about par for the course, and you're not worried about that point of no return, which Aldous said, because I think you're very right about that. You could definitely be known as the dick doctor.

• 1:41:30Stavros Halkias?

  They're like dick plumping doctor.

• 1:41:32Speaker 04

  I said... Oh, go ahead.

• 1:41:34Speaker 03

  No, I was just trying to figure out, when did that become a thing? When did soft penis wanting to be bigger?

• 1:41:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's...

• 1:41:40Speaker 03

  Become a thing?

• 1:41:41Stavros Halkias?

  Well, since man had the ability for language. Yeah, they're called hymplants. That's hilarious. They're doing them in Beverly Hills. Go to the images. Let's see what these... Oh, look at that guy's little ass dick.

• 1:42:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so they literally just wrap some shit around your dick, dude. I don't want that, dude.

• 1:42:04Speaker 04

  I tell this guy, "Do it." I say, "Go for it. Make that fucking money."

• 1:42:09Speaker 03

  I'm talking all this shit. I can get it next week.

• 1:42:13Stavros Halkias?

  You're walking around, just limp ass dick ever hanging.

• 1:42:16Speaker 04

  We have your number. We'll give you a call after this episode's over.

• 1:42:19Stavros Halkias?

  Aldous wants the procedure. But I say, I have 2% chance my dick is fucking pulverized, I'm not doing this shit.

• 1:42:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I'm not doing it either. No.

• 1:42:29Stavros Halkias?

  I've learned to live with my little fucked up dick. I don't need to... Unless they get a foolproof, or even a pill that makes your dick bigger, fine, but I'm not doing this shit.

• 1:42:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:39Stavros Halkias?

  So, anyway, good luck, buddy. Reggie, that's gonna do it for us.

• 1:42:43Speaker 03

  Oh, man, this was fun.

• 1:42:44Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, thanks for coming.

• 1:42:45Speaker 03

  I'm gonna have to write this down.

• 1:42:47Stavros Halkias?

  The hymplant.

• 1:42:50Stavros Halkias?

  Go follow Reggie, watch his stuff. You've been in a bunch of stuff. The movie is coming out. I think it should, I think we're gonna time it so it's around the time of the episode.

• 1:42:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's the Bradley Cooper stand-up movie starring Will Arnett. Is this thing on?

• 1:43:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, is this thing on, Will Arnett, Bradley Cooper.

• 1:43:06Stavros Halkias?

  And we didn't talk about your part at all, but I'm sure you're-

• 1:43:09Speaker 03

  It's all good. I'm playing a stand-up.

• 1:43:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I think I auditioned for your part, actually.

• 1:43:14Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:43:14Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I assume there was one fat comedian part.

• 1:43:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, his name is Dan.

• 1:43:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't remember. I'll look it up.

• 1:43:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, so.

• 1:43:21Stavros Halkias?

  I had a bad, I actually did the audition in this room. And I was like, I fucked that up. I was, I remember being like-

• 1:43:27Speaker 03

  That's how most auditions are. I'm like, I'm not getting that.

• 1:43:29Stavros Halkias?

  I couldn't get it to, I couldn't figure out the like tripod.

• 1:43:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:33Stavros Halkias?

  So it kept like slipping and I tried to have like this background and I used this light, but I was too close to it because I didn't want to move the couch.

• 1:43:39Speaker 03

  Bro, I do that shit and it's like set and forget. They'll pick me or they're not. This one they happened to, so.

• 1:43:43Stavros Halkias?

  I love it, dude. Yeah, go watch, go, go see the movie. It's cool. It was, they filmed a lot of the seller.

• 1:43:50Speaker 03

  Watch the stuff on, stuff on YouTube, my Don't Tell set and other stuff. I've been on Abbott and Insecure, all the stuff.

• 1:43:56Stavros Halkias?

  I love it, I love it. Thanks, dude. This is great. And thanks, guys. We will talk to you next time. Bye.

• 1:44:00Speaker 03

  Work.

• 1:44:13Stavros Halkias?

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