John Goblikon (Dave Rispoli)

You’ve never seen a podcast guest like John Goblikon—goblin, metalhead, author, and host of the wild ride that is Right Now with John Goblikon. In this chaotic and hilarious episode, Andrew Santino dives deep into goblin wisdom, heavy metal madness, and what it’s like being the face (and snout) of Nekrogoblikon. They talk about fame, failure, touring as a mythical creature, and why John thinks humans are barely functional. It’s comedy, chaos, and a little bit of therapy—with a goblin. 🎙 Don’t miss John’s podcast: Right Now with John Goblikon 🔥 Subscribe for more weird and wild convos every Friday! #JohnGoblikon #WhiskeyGinger #RightNowPodcast #AndrewSantino #Nekrogoblikon #ComedyPodcast #MetalComedy #GoblinTalk #FunnyInterview #PodcastClips #Goblikon ================================================================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BETTER HELP 10% OFF YOUR 1ST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey ZOC DOC BOOK LOCAL DOCTORS https://zocdoc.com/whiskey PXG GET 20% OFF YOUR ENTIRE ORDER! https://pxg.com/whiskeyginger KICKOFF GET YOUR FIRST MONTH FOR $1 https://getkickoff.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:44Speaker 00

  A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year and make more than meals.

• 1:03Andrew Santino?

  What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. Got a good one for you today. It's John Goblerga. The Goblin is here, baby. The big gob dog. Gob, gob, gob, gob, gob. So stoked to have this dude, so funny. Also, I'm doing a couple of dates. May 22, 23, Edmonton and Winnipeg. Edmonton and Winnipeg. Where are you? Come see your dude. Edmonton and Winnipeg. Go to andrewsantino.com. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Also, July 18th and 19th, Bobby Lee and I, me and the noodle, the Dumpling King, we're gonna be in London and Dublin. So go see us at badfriendspod.com. AndrewSantino.com, Edmonton and Winnipeg. Don't know when I'll be back. Check me out. That's enough rambling. Let's go to the episode.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:49Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard. It's sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey. $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:08Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on the Thursday the wrong. My guest, what I mean with again today is John Goblerga.

• 2:18Speaker 04

  Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir. A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year and make more than meals.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  The Goblin himself. From the depths of hell.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  Reseda!

• 2:51Andrew Santino?

  Reseda.

• 2:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's right.

• 2:53Andrew Santino?

  Reseda, California, here in the valley.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  That's what it says on the sign when you drive up to it.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  Thank you so much for being on the show here.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  I'm just so happy to be here. Mr. Podcast, this is the reunion everyone's been asking for.

• 3:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 05

  Cone's back there.

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  Cone's back there and Mr. Podcast is right here.

• 3:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:09Andrew Santino?

  And I'm with the Goblin himself. I didn't know you were a Air Max guy. I like those nikes.

• 3:12Speaker 05

  I'm getting up there at age.

• 3:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you really are. You're gonna transition to what?

• 3:17Speaker 05

  307 now.

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  307?

• 3:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, somewhere in there.

• 3:21Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 3:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:23Andrew Santino?

  You've been around for a long time.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, I have.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  What's been going on in your life recently? Since I last saw you, I did your show in, in the bowels of downtown Los Angeles.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  That's right!

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  And you told me you had a lot going on. So what is, what's been, what's been happening with you?

• 3:38Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, so I mean, my podcast is now the number one comedy podcast in America.

• 3:43Andrew Santino?

  Bigger than Kill Tony.

• 3:44Speaker 05

  Oh, definitely.

• 3:46Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  Very big. Don't need to Google it. It's huge now. Yep.

• 3:49Andrew Santino?

  Wow. What's your average downloads?

• 3:52Speaker 05

  Seventeen or eighteen.

• 3:55Andrew Santino?

  Seventeen or eighteen?

• 3:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:57Andrew Santino?

  Thousand million?

• 3:59Speaker 05

  Uh, seventeen or eighteen people and, and they'll watch it and like comment on it and stuff like that. So they're...

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  Wow, okay, great.

• 4:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:06Andrew Santino?

  That sounds good.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  What about your personal life? Is everything going good there?

• 4:10Speaker 05

  Oh!

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  Great, so I'll tell you this. The last time we did hang out, I will say there was a little tension, little, you know, the internet picked up on it. They felt like maybe you and I were going against each other. And I'm here to, and I'm here to tell everybody. It was real.

• 4:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was absolutely real.

• 4:29Andrew Santino?

  I do not like you, I don't want to be near you. I did this only because. Uh, your producer reached out. Uh, what's his name, Phineas or Magius or the Swedish kid?

• 4:39Speaker 05

  I think it is Phineas.

• 4:40Andrew Santino?

  Phineas?

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Joe, Joe Hades.

• 4:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Joe Hades.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  Joe Hades.

• 4:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, whatever that dummy's name is.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  Italian.

• 4:45Andrew Santino?

  He's Italian.

• 4:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, he reached out and said, you know. Can you put the Goblin on your show? And I said, I, maybe, I don't know. Well, it would mean a lot for us over here at the Goblin headquarters to have him on your show. And, uh. I said, I don't understand a word you're saying, but I'll, I'll do whatever you want to do, I guess.

• 5:04Speaker 05

  And that's so funny because he said to me, in that weird kind of voice.

• 5:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Speaker 05

  He was like. Durba durba durba stir. And I was like, Santino? And he was like, gurba gur. And I said, oh, I'm doing numbers, well then. I'll do it, but only because it's gonna do numbers.

• 5:19Andrew Santino?

  That's the only reason why we're doing this. Cause we're doing numbers, baby.

• 5:22Speaker 05

  We're doing numbers.

• 5:23Andrew Santino?

  Speaking of numbers, I did hear that you took a big, big hit because of Trump's tariffs. So are you, is your bank accounts okay?

• 5:30Speaker 05

  I mean, I lost it all, Santino. I mean.

• 5:34Andrew Santino?

  You're big in the market, right? You've invested heavily in the market.

• 5:37Speaker 05

  Oh, I, I was deep in the market.

• 5:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:40Speaker 05

  And now I'm sleeping in a Waymo.

• 5:43Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 5:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:45Andrew Santino?

  And it just goes around all the, do they ever take a break? The Waymos?

• 5:48Speaker 05

  It's kind of like squatting rules, like they won't, they can't kick you out.

• 5:51Andrew Santino?

  How could they?

• 5:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 5:52Andrew Santino?

  There's nobody there.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's just like a little voice, it's like, uh, sir, please get out, it's like, I don't think so. You know? It's like, I know you're gonna go to sleep at some point.

• 6:00Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  And then I will go to sleep.

• 6:02Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 6:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:02Andrew Santino?

  We all need rest.

• 6:03Speaker 05

  They, I mean.

• 6:04Andrew Santino?

  How many hours a night do you sleep?

• 6:06Speaker 05

  Me?

• 6:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 05

  Three or four.

• 6:08Andrew Santino?

  Three to four, three to four minutes?

• 6:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:10Andrew Santino?

  That's all you need?

• 6:11Speaker 05

  Me? Yeah.

• 6:13Andrew Santino?

  Wow. Are you?

• 6:16Andrew Santino?

  John.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  Alright. And there, today's sleep is done.

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  That's it, that's all you need to keep going.

• 6:22Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, what about you? You look like you need some sleep, Santino.

• 6:26Andrew Santino?

  Alright, you know, that's, and I knew you were gonna say something like that. Did I have bags under my eyes?

• 6:30Speaker 05

  I mean, call my, I can tell you what, Southwest wouldn't let you all with those things, they'd be like, "You gotta check those in."

• 6:39Andrew Santino?

  You gotta pay for them now.

• 6:39Speaker 05

  You gotta check those in now.

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  You gotta pay for them now.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, what's the deal with that, Santino?

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, I don't fly Southwest. Guys like you fly Southwest.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  You don't fly Southwest?

• 6:47Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't, you booger.

• 6:48Speaker 05

  What are you flying these days? Jet Sweet X, is that what you're doing?

• 6:52Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you what I'm flying.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:54Andrew Santino?

  I'm an ambassador of a new airline.

• 6:58Speaker 05

  Are you really?

• 6:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Avelo.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  Oh wow.

• 7:01Andrew Santino?

  Let me cut to my own commercial.

• 7:02Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 7:03Andrew Santino?

  Here at Avelo Airlines, we wanna take you around the world, to all the places that you dream about going. You wanna go to sandy beaches? Avelo got you. You wanna go to the middle of California? Avelo got you. You wanna go somewhere on the east coast? Avelo gonna make you stop, five to seven times. Avelo, come on, let's fly.

• 7:24Speaker 05

  Alright, now, I gotta do one for Southwest now. Uh, hey, it's Southwest, you wanna pick your seat? Nope. You want a free bag? Nope. Uh, you wanna sit next to some creepy guy who's gonna mouth breathe on you and ask you a bunch of questions your whole flight? Southwest.

• 7:42Andrew Santino?

  Perfect, very good, yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  I feel like I'm gonna get a sponsorship or something.

• 7:45Andrew Santino?

  I doubt it, but I do think it is, it's something you have to keep trying, I mean, you, you're somebody who is, um, you know, look, you're out there in the public eye, you're a famous figure now, I guess. You know, if you could choose your, your, you know, sponsors to come along for this ride, who would you really wanna sponsor you and your show?

• 8:03Speaker 05

  Oh man.

• 8:04Andrew Santino?

  Cause I know you don't have a lot of sponsors right now.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  No, we don't have any, any sponsors.

• 8:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 05

  Yeah. I guess like, uh, candy?

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  Are we talking Mars? Like Eminem?

• 8:16Speaker 05

  Just like, the brand, candy?

• 8:18Andrew Santino?

  Candy the brand.

• 8:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, candy.

• 8:20Andrew Santino?

  Just blanketed candy.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, soda. Uh, chips.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  Those are the three companies I'm most interested in. I feel like that's where the money is.

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  I think we should transform that, maybe you should get a deal from Crest.

• 8:37Andrew Santino?

  Maybe Scope.

• 8:39Andrew Santino?

  Colgate?

• 8:41Speaker 05

  So like, the company toothpaste?

• 8:44Andrew Santino?

  The company toothpaste, yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, see, that's, I would love, I mean, if toothpaste is listening, I, I would love to have toothpaste.

• 8:50Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 8:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:50Andrew Santino?

  Do you use it?

• 8:51Speaker 05

  Toothpaste?

• 8:52Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 8:54Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 8:55Andrew Santino?

  Is it toxic for you or something?

• 8:57Speaker 05

  I just don't like the taste.

• 8:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you don't eat it, though. You just put it in your mouth and spit it out. Are you swallowing it?

• 9:04Speaker 05

  You don't, McCord, you hear that? He's like, you don't eat the toothpaste. Sounds like a guy who's never had toothpaste before.

• 9:12Speaker 05

  You eat the toothpaste.

• 9:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  That's why they put it in a tube.

• 9:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 9:20Andrew Santino?

  So, what are you allergic to?

• 9:23Speaker 05

  What?

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  What are you allergic to?

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Uh, what am I allergic to?

• 9:25Andrew Santino?

  Cause I'm allergic to you. I feel like I might be allergic to you right now.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, that, that happened last time you came, but you were like, all like, ooh, my-

• 9:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm itchy when I see you.

• 9:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, you were like, my allergies!

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 05

  You were doing that.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, you were, I, I remember I, I ran into CNTO the other night, when his allergies were flaring up. I was walking down this alley, he was like scratching himself, and he's like, come on, come on, hey, hey, hey, man, dude, do you know where I can get some? And I was like, he was like, he's really itching himself, you know what I mean? And, and his eyes were like, what, what do you call it when it's like, they're kinda like, rolled back, but they're also, the pupils are like, whoa, they're like, you know, solar systems. And he's like, he's like, oh, he's like, my allergies, you know, he's like, please, man, you know?

• 10:02Speaker 05

  And, was that the, I think that was the first time we kissed.

• 10:06Andrew Santino?

  It was the first time we kissed, yeah, and that'll be the last time.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:09Andrew Santino?

  That's why I suggested the toothpaste.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  Okay, all right, well, hey.

• 10:13Andrew Santino?

  How are you doing in the dating scene, by the way?

• 10:15Speaker 05

  In the dating scene?

• 10:16Andrew Santino?

  I have a good girlfriend of mine, found, matched with you on Raya.

• 10:19Speaker 05

  Yes!

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  She reached out to you, and then you never hit her back. What was that about? And she's beautiful. We'll put a picture of her right here, for the fans at home. She's gorgeous. And you just decided to not hit her back? She wrote, "Hey, Gob, big fan, would love for you to take me out and take me down."

• 10:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:39Andrew Santino?

  And nothing.

• 10:41Speaker 05

  Guess what?

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 10:44Speaker 05

  She gonna text me back.

• 10:45Andrew Santino?

  She, no, she won't.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, she gonna text me back.

• 10:48Andrew Santino?

  No, she will not.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's gonna. That's how it works, man. I, I watched a show with this guy.

• 10:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  And he said, this is how you get the ladies, man. I read his whole book.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  Who's the guy?

• 10:59Speaker 05

  What was, what was that guy's name? He's got a big hat. He's got long hair. Criss Angel.

• 11:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the Ange, the Angel.

• 11:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:10Andrew Santino?

  So he said, that's the, that's the guide to dating.

• 11:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was like, trust me, man. This is what you do.

• 11:16Andrew Santino?

  And you followed?

• 11:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:18Andrew Santino?

  So, okay, well, I won't make any more moves within that. I was gonna help you out. I was trying to connect you guys.

• 11:23Speaker 05

  No, I mean, if you got somebody, and please, like, who, whoever, hon- honestly, like, I, I'm open to dating now, you know?

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  Now that I got my podcast. So like, I mean, you know, what do you got about this?

• 11:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know about podcasts. Yeah, I do them.

• 11:38Speaker 05

  You, you got a few podcasts?

• 11:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm Mr. Podcast.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  Yes, right, you're Mr. Podcast. I heard you got another podcast now?

• 11:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 05

  Another one?

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  You gonna have me on that one?

• 11:47Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 11:49Speaker 05

  It's called No Bad Lives, though, and

• 11:50Andrew Santino?

  Mm-mm.

• 11:51Speaker 05

  And I have, I have a bad one. I could talk to, I could talk for days about.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  It's called No Bad Lies.

• 11:59Speaker 05

  No Bad Lies?

• 12:01Andrew Santino?

  And unfortunately, you tell, you tell a litany of bad lies. That's kind of your thing, is telling bad lies.

• 12:07Speaker 05

  So you gotta have me on?

• 12:09Andrew Santino?

  No, no, we want none.

• 12:12Speaker 05

  Oh, I see.

• 12:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Also, you don't golf. Are you a golfer?

• 12:15Speaker 05

  Uh, I, I've downloaded links.

• 12:20Andrew Santino?

  What do you do for fun?

• 12:21Speaker 05

  Uh, I usually, okay. I get a little crazy.

• 12:25Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:27Speaker 05

  I like to kind of like, come home from work. Crack open the fridge.

• 12:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  Crack open fourteen or fifteen beers.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  Fourteen or fifteen beers?

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Yep. Sit in front of the TV, put on the old, you know, BBT.

• 12:40Andrew Santino?

  B E T?

• 12:41Speaker 05

  Big Bang Theory.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 12:42Speaker 05

  And I'm just cruising through, you know?

• 12:46Andrew Santino?

  Ripping through the episodes.

• 12:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, ripping through these episodes, right?

• 12:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 05

  And, um.

• 12:51Speaker 05

  And then like I'll goes off for a second, I'll come back and then I'll go to work. You know what I mean? It'll do like Monday through Friday and I'll work like a bunch of hours.

• 13:00Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 13:01Speaker 05

  I'm in the office, you know, working.

• 13:03Andrew Santino?

  I, I, yeah, I know what that is, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 05

  And, and then like I get off on Friday, you know what I mean? And I'm like, I guess I'm gonna get crazy again. So like, it's kinda like that kinda thing.

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  Wh- where, where do you work?

• 13:14Speaker 05

  An insurance salesman, yeah.

• 13:16Andrew Santino?

  You do insurance?

• 13:17Speaker 05

  Life insurance.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's right. I forgot about that.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  Which by the way, Santino, see the way you're living your life?

• 13:23Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Have you thought about?

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  Are you trying to sell me a policy on my podcast?

• 13:28Speaker 05

  I mean, I've been saying like, it's inevitable, you know what I mean?

• 13:32Andrew Santino?

  What is?

• 13:34Speaker 05

  Living the way you do, fast and loose.

• 13:37Andrew Santino?

  That I'm gonna die?

• 13:38Speaker 05

  Yeah. Oh, you think you're immortal? Oh, I'm so sorry. Did it, did it, did it, did it? Breaking news. Andrew Santino thinks he's immortal.

• 13:46Andrew Santino?

  Do you think you're immortal? Immortal? Immortal? A moron? You're a moron?

• 13:49Speaker 05

  I'm a moron.

• 13:50Andrew Santino?

  No, do you think you're immortal?

• 13:52Speaker 05

  I don't think I'm immortal. No, no, I just think I can't die.

• 13:57Andrew Santino?

  That's what that is?

• 14:00Andrew Santino?

  You're three hundred and ten years old.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  At least. I'm not sure. I, I don't have a birth certificate, Santino. I don't know.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  Do you not remember anything from your childhood?

• 14:09Speaker 05

  I mean, I remember some images and they're not so good.

• 14:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, let's talk about him. Cut to soft music, please go.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  Okay, well, I guess today I'm an open book, so whatever, you know, just kinda ask me and I'll tell.

• 14:25Andrew Santino?

  Did your father ever hit you?

• 14:29Speaker 05

  When you say hit, you mean like?

• 14:31Andrew Santino?

  Strike you with his fists or body or arms, legs? Did he kick you? Did he punch you? Did he throw you through a window? Has he tossed you down a flight of stairs?

• 14:39Speaker 05

  He would use other people's bodies to hit me.

• 14:43Andrew Santino?

  So your father would kill another per- another person, rip their, dismember them and use their limbs to hit you, right?

• 14:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:52Andrew Santino?

  And how did that make you feel?

• 14:54Speaker 05

  Um, at the time, it made me, when he would hit me, I, I feel like I would feel sleepy and I'd feel confused. Um.

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. How did it make you feel inside?

• 15:09Andrew Santino?

  In your heart and in your mind?

• 15:12Speaker 05

  Oh. Alone. Alone.

• 15:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:17Andrew Santino?

  And we need to get rid of those feelings because you're better than that.

• 15:21Andrew Santino?

  You're a beautiful person. On the inside. You're beautiful on the inside. Remember that. What's in here is gorgeous. The shell, the outer layer, it's just... It's just stuff.

• 15:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  Right?

• 15:37Speaker 05

  That's right, yeah.

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  Right, like, take your apartment, for example. From the street view, it's very ugly. It's taupe. You know, the stucco is falling down. There is no sealant on the doors or the windows. Air seeps through constantly.

• 15:51Speaker 05

  That's right, yeah.

• 15:52Andrew Santino?

  But what's inside? What's inside, John?

• 15:56Speaker 05

  Ants?

• 15:57Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  Uh...

• 15:58Andrew Santino?

  John, no, what's inside is a warm, loving home that people can come to and see the real...

• 16:05Speaker 05

  Well, I don't like people coming over and stuff like that. It's like, no, no, I don't really like to have people over. It's like, it's like a space thing.

• 16:10Andrew Santino?

  It feels like you're shattered for life, and I don't think there's a way to fix this, I'm not gonna lie.

• 16:13Speaker 05

  Alright.

• 16:13Andrew Santino?

  Let's move on.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  Alright. Hey! No bad lies, you know?

• 16:18Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 16:20Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 16:20Speaker 05

  You're watching No Bad Lies!

• 16:21Andrew Santino?

  No, you're watching Whiskey Ginger.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  And... And that ain't a bad one!

• 16:25Andrew Santino?

  No, and that's not...

• 16:27Speaker 05

  Three!

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  Four.

• 16:28Speaker 05

  Okay. Alright. Sorry.

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  We gotta talk about these 14 to 15 beers. I don't think it's a healthy way to live every day.

• 16:35Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, says the guy with, uh, 27, uh, bottles of whiskey over here.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I'm not drinking them every day, John.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  You were drinking them before I got in here.

• 16:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so...

• 16:45Speaker 05

  You said, "I need to get my taste of each one before I'm funny." And I was like...

• 16:49Andrew Santino?

  Clearly, I haven't tasted enough.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:51Andrew Santino?

  Because I'm not doing anything funny right now. Because I'm trying to have a serious conversation with my old friend, and here you are, razzing it up for the cameras again. Turn on the cameras, and he turns and he does this whole bit. Why don't we tell the truth? We've been friends for 20 some odd years. We're very close. You play this card because you're against me because I rose to a little bit of pod fame. You hate that I do pods. You're, you know, you call me Mr. Pod, and then you talk on our text stream with our friends. You talk shit about me. And I'm on the text stream.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  We were supposed to be good friends.

• 17:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're supposed to be...

• 17:23Speaker 05

  We were supposed to be good friends.

• 17:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're supposed to do good friends.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  We were supposed to do the pod. It was called Good Friends. You and I had a pact.

• 17:28Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  I had a little web series show. You came on it, and I was like, dude, there's something here, man.

• 17:33Andrew Santino?

  But then what really happened? Why don't you tell the fans what really happened? Why we didn't continue to do a pod together? Go ahead. You wanna make drama, let's make drama.

• 17:40Speaker 05

  Oh, boy.

• 17:41Speaker 00

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• 18:18Speaker 05

  What's the, oh, get ready, McCode.

• 18:19Andrew Santino?

  You slept with my wife, dude.

• 18:20Speaker 05

  Here comes the clip.

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  You slept with my wife. Well, you slept with my wife. You slept with my wife. What do you, like, what do you want me to do? Start a show with you now?

• 18:28Speaker 05

  But it was only three to four minutes.

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't matter. The timing is not the thi-

• 18:32Speaker 05

  That's all it takes for me to sleep.

• 18:35Andrew Santino?

  Look, dude.

• 18:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  You lay, I caught you laying down next to my wife.

• 18:38Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 18:39Andrew Santino?

  She was wide awake, watching TV. You were sleeping right next to her. That's not cool, dude. Any guy on the internet would say that they wouldn't want their friends sleeping right next to their wife.

• 18:48Speaker 05

  I mean,

• 18:50Speaker 05

  that's because they're insecure. Like, if you're secure-

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  Okay, I'm insecure then, fine. You're calling me insecure. Fine, I am. Well, that's why we don't have a show together. Because I'm Mr. Insecure and you're Mr. Too Secure. You're way too secure.

• 19:03Speaker 05

  All right, what about this?

• 19:04Andrew Santino?

  You walk around all day. "I'm the Hot Goblin." You think you're, like, now because of the pod, you're Mr. Hot Goblin. We go into restaurants, he literally goes, "Hot Gob is here," and he waves around his arm. And girls come, "Oh, Goblin's here, Goblin's here." "Meal's on the house, blah, blah, blah," you know? And you love to show off. You didn't used to be that way. That's all I'm saying.

• 19:27Speaker 05

  I was always a good dancer. I always would, that's how I enter every room, all the time.

• 19:32Andrew Santino?

  Not when we were younger, you didn't.

• 19:35Andrew Santino?

  I, it doesn't matter. I don't want to, like, keep this tra- Let's get back to something regular and normal and monotonous that the fans can just listen to.

• 19:44Speaker 05

  All right, so let's start recording then, McCode.

• 19:46Andrew Santino?

  Press record, McCon.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, let's press record, let's, let's start with the top then, fine. This is the energy, this is the energy you want to start with.

• 19:52Andrew Santino?

  Let's start with, here we go. "Hey, I'm here with Goblin."

• 19:55Speaker 05

  It's all gonna be-

• 19:56Andrew Santino?

  I'm here with the Goblin.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  Mr. Podcast, wow!

• 19:58Andrew Santino?

  And you do it again. See, why are you going back to Mr. Podcast? We just said we're gonna switch the energy in the room. So, cut it out. You want me to do, you want me to do start it like that with you?

• 20:07Speaker 05

  Can I?

• 20:08Andrew Santino?

  I'm here with Mr. Gang Green.

• 20:09Speaker 05

  Okay, okay.

• 20:10Andrew Santino?

  Here we go. Is that what you want?

• 20:11Speaker 05

  No, wait.

• 20:13Andrew Santino?

  I'm here with Mr. Frostbite himself.

• 20:18Andrew Santino?

  Uh, the bear, from the barrels of the swamp, down below.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  Get it out of your system. Get it out of your system.

• 20:27Andrew Santino?

  You guys know when you go fishing, you catch that one fish and you're like, holy shit, I gotta throw this back. We can't cook this, or eat this, or even sell this. That's you. That's you, bottom feeder.

• 20:43Andrew Santino?

  A bullhead.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  Oh, you guys know when, when you like have someone that you like really like friggin' love and trust and, and then, and then you're kinda like, "Oh, well, we gotta have like a fun comedic dynamic, like we should create a show together, you know, like a spinoff show, we call it Good Friends." And then they're like, "Oh, for sure, man. Here's a handshake. You got it. Let's start the pod on Monday." And then they just meet someone else who kind of very much resembles you. And they're like, "Oh, we're gonna do a pod. It's gonna be called Bad Friends. We're gonna switch one word and then he can't sue us."

• 21:15Speaker 05

  You gotta remember when you-

• 21:16Andrew Santino?

  I dare you to sue me, by the way. I told you, I said, "Let's go to court." I would love to take you to court.

• 21:22Speaker 05

  I don't-

• 21:23Andrew Santino?

  You dress like you're there every day. This is the new thing too with you. Once you got a little bit of money, he's always wearing like, you're like Steve Harvey. You have custom suits now, ties built just for the gob. It's a gob tie.

• 21:36Speaker 05

  They just don't make my size, dude. They just don't make my size.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really, dude? You go to that Italian tailor, I've seen, I've taken you there, and-

• 21:43Speaker 05

  Giovinazzi's?

• 21:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Gio- G-O-V's, Giovinazzi's, yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 05

  He has the best stuff, man. Not everything fits a hump, man.

• 21:50Andrew Santino?

  But here's the deal. I think the fans need to know the truth. You're spending a thousand dollars on custom ties and everybody's like, "Oh, poor Goblin. He doesn't have any money. He doesn't have any resources."

• 22:01Speaker 05

  A thousand. Dude, send it to, maybe in a 2017, pal. A thousand.

• 22:07Andrew Santino?

  You're spending more than that now.

• 22:08Speaker 05

  I mean, come on, look at this thing. Crease, it's got eight or nine creases in it.

• 22:14Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:15Andrew Santino?

  You really have changed, dude.

• 22:17Speaker 05

  I mean, look, man.

• 22:18Andrew Santino?

  How are you, what are you driving now? What are you getting around town in?

• 22:20Speaker 05

  Uh, the Waymo.

• 22:22Andrew Santino?

  You gave, you sold your Hummer?

• 22:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's gone.

• 22:25Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 22:26Speaker 05

  I'm just, I, I, I want something to drive me.

• 22:30Andrew Santino?

  You want someone to drive you at all times? Cause you used to have a driver. People, people don't know, he used to have a driver, full-time driver.

• 22:36Speaker 05

  And now I have.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Stretched limousine, it was so embarrassing.

• 22:39Speaker 05

  Now I do have a driver.

• 22:40Andrew Santino?

  Right, but they're not really there, it's the computer.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  Well, his name's Laptop, or whatever his name is, but yeah, he drives me.

• 22:45Andrew Santino?

  Right. Give me your outlook, give me your outlook on the world.

• 22:50Speaker 05

  I, I, I don't know, I think it's French, it's AI, so it's AI.

• 22:55Andrew Santino?

  A.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  A. A.

• 22:58Andrew Santino?

  A.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  A. Turn left, A.

• 23:01Andrew Santino?

  Turn a left.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  Turn a left, I'm a Swedish.

• 23:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, there is someone in the crosswalk.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  Do, do, do, do.

• 23:09Andrew Santino?

  Whip, whip, whip, whip, whip.

• 23:11Speaker 05

  He's another one, we're just caught in the thing going around and around.

• 23:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh man, I miss you. I miss you a lot.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  I miss you too, man.

• 23:18Andrew Santino?

  Let's get back to our, our old ways, you know?

• 23:22Speaker 05

  For old times' sakes?

• 23:23Andrew Santino?

  For old times' sake.

• 23:25Speaker 05

  You and me.

• 23:26Andrew Santino?

  You and me, me and you.

• 23:28Speaker 05

  Take it over the world, just like we set out to do seventeen years ago.

• 23:32Andrew Santino?

  We will.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  Do you remember when we were on the lake? Do you remember when we were on the lake?

• 23:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 05

  Laying on that boat?

• 23:38Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  And someone was like, "Get off our boat!", and we were like, "Easy does it, let's have this."

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're just hanging out.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  We're just a couple of guys hanging.

• 23:45Andrew Santino?

  We didn't do anything wrong.

• 23:46Speaker 05

  No, we were just gabbing.

• 23:47Andrew Santino?

  But you did.

• 23:47Speaker 05

  Couple of gobs gabbing.

• 23:48Andrew Santino?

  Couple of gobs gabbing?

• 23:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:50Andrew Santino?

  And you did hotwire that boat?

• 23:51Speaker 05

  Oh man.

• 23:52Andrew Santino?

  That was kinda cool.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  I got in there with my little claws.

• 23:53Andrew Santino?

  I've never seen you do anything like that before.

• 23:55Speaker 05

  I just felt, it's like when I'm with you, I feel free.

• 23:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, I feel like, there's nothing I can't do. And so when I was there in the boat, I just was kinda like, I don't know, like something just kinda came over me. And I did it, and you, but you were so supportive.

• 24:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 05

  At that time, you were kinda like, dude, just, just, just like figure it out, like find two wires, cut them, cut them, snip, snip, snip, snip, clip, clip, clip, bang, bang, bang, and then all of a sudden, boom.

• 24:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cause I can't go back.

• 24:21Speaker 05

  No.

• 24:21Andrew Santino?

  I mean, my parolee would know, so. I'm glad you did it.

• 24:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:25Andrew Santino?

  So here's the, the lake story is kinda crazy. A friend of ours rented a lake house, we hotwired a boat, took this boat out there, we met up with this group of girls that was drinking by the shore. Uh, I say girls, they were, they were divorcees, they were probably in their late 50s, early 60s.

• 24:43Speaker 05

  I think it was 70s, 70s.

• 24:44Andrew Santino?

  70s maybe, and it doesn't matter.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  For sure, yeah.

• 24:47Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't matter.

• 24:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, she had a walker.

• 24:50Andrew Santino?

  That's what that was?

• 24:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:52Andrew Santino?

  I thought that, I thought that's.

• 24:53Speaker 05

  I know, you, you kept, you kept commenting on it that night.

• 24:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 05

  You were like, what's your mini stage? You know, she's like, I need it to walk.

• 25:01Andrew Santino?

  I go, get off your high horse.

• 25:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, you kept saying that to me.

• 25:03Andrew Santino?

  Get off your high horse.

• 25:04Speaker 05

  And then that one time you just kicked that woman's cane.

• 25:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're like, what, what is, what is this?

• 25:08Andrew Santino?

  She fell.

• 25:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:10Andrew Santino?

  She's like, my hip, my hip.

• 25:11Speaker 05

  Kid, her, he just, boom, she just went right over.

• 25:15Andrew Santino?

  And then here we are.

• 25:16Speaker 05

  Old Santino, yeah, yeah.

• 25:17Andrew Santino?

  We're flirting with these, with these ladies. And, um, John goes, I'm gonna pull a, I'm gonna pull a bit, a prank on him.

• 25:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I like to, I like to get silly.

• 25:27Andrew Santino?

  He's a little prankster.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:29Andrew Santino?

  He, he goes, guys, it's a full moon. He runs out on the dock. It's a full moon. He runs out there, turns around, drops trow.

• 25:37Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  Full spread.

• 25:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:39Andrew Santino?

  Full spread.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:40Andrew Santino?

  And he goes, oh.

• 25:43Speaker 05

  Howling to the moon, baby.

• 25:43Andrew Santino?

  Howling at the moon.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  Howling to the moon, oh man.

• 25:46Andrew Santino?

  They were pissed, they called the cops.

• 25:47Speaker 05

  Yes, but we were running.

• 25:48Andrew Santino?

  We ran as fast as we could.

• 25:50Speaker 05

  And we were high tailing it. And I, and I, my pants were around my ankles and I was just kinda doing the weird walk. And I fell on the dock, Cintino picked me right up and he put me right on his shoulders.

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  Put him on my shoulders.

• 25:59Speaker 05

  He didn't care.

• 26:00Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 26:01Speaker 05

  And I wasn't wearing anything from the waist down. And I just went right on your shoulders.

• 26:04Andrew Santino?

  It was right, resting right on my neck.

• 26:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 26:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. It's really nice.

• 26:08Speaker 05

  And you're giggling, you're like, it tickles, it tickles, it tickles.

• 26:10Andrew Santino?

  It tickles, it tickles.

• 26:12Speaker 05

  And we just kinda just, man, we must've ran, or you must've ran.

• 26:16Andrew Santino?

  I kept going, yeah, I did for behind.

• 26:18Speaker 05

  For a long time.

• 26:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, for about 20 or 30 minutes straight, I did not turn back. And I'm sorry, I called you the next morning, you were fine, but I, I had to leave you at some point. Your legs are much smaller than mine.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's okay.

• 26:28Andrew Santino?

  Just stride to stride, it's not hard, it's not.

• 26:30Speaker 05

  You know, I mean, you were, you were cooking.

• 26:31Andrew Santino?

  I was going.

• 26:32Speaker 05

  You look a little gazelle.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 26:36Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Junior is brought to you by BetterHelp. I've talked about BetterHelp pretty intensely on this show. Why? Cause I believe in speaking to someone about what's going on in your life, okay? BetterHelp, uh, really does help, truly. Uh, I mean it, it is pretty interesting, uh, as we move through life, we don't know what's gonna hit us and how it's gonna hit us. And mental health awareness is growing. People are finally understanding that we should be getting our feelings out there, saying something. Okay? Do the right thing and clear your mind so you treat people better around you. Um, don't hesitate to get help. You know, and, and it also affects everything else. You know, it's a, it's a domino effect. It affects your, your friendships, your relationships, your family. And I do think, this being Mental Health Awareness Month,

• 27:20Andrew Santino?

  shout out, let's encourage everyone to take care of their wellbeing and break the stigma. The world is better when people are happy and healthy. I mean that. I know that, and I mean that. And BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with their right therapist over a diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. It's fully done online, by the way. You do it from the comfort of your own house. Makes therapy affordable and convenient. It's serving over 5 million people worldwide, and you can easily switch therapists at no extra cost. I really do love the convenience. Sometimes I take it from my car. You see me on the side of the road crying into my iPhone. It's because I'm getting a little bit of BetterHelp. And we're all better with BetterHelp. And we're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com/whiskey to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, better H-E-L-P dot com slash whiskey.

• 28:05Andrew Santino?

  You know, I've had a lot of back pain. I've had a lot of foot pain. I've had a lot of eye pain. I've had a lot of pain. And I gotta go see a doc. And luckily, there's Zocdoc. Zocdoc gets it done, okay? Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality, in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. They've got over 100,000 doctors across every specialty. Mental health, dental health, you name it, they got it. Primary care to urgent care. You know, when I did move to my new neighborhood, I gave up my doctor, I gave up my dentist, I gave up a lot. I gave up my freedom. No. But I did, I did want to find out how I could find a new doctor. You ask people, you get recommendations, but it's kind of a pain. And you don't know, you know, you don't really know. But with Zocdoc, you do.

• 28:48Andrew Santino?

  Because Zocdoc, you get real patient reviews, which is incredible. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, that are located right near you. And they're highly verified. That's the best part about it. Once you find that doctor, you can actually see their appointments. You can go, "Oh, it's 8:30 a.m. Oh, great, right there, I'll take that one." "Oh, I'll take that one, then I'll go get a coffee with my good friend." Choose a time slot that works for you, instantly book an appointment, right there. Best part is, first time on there, you can typically book an appointment within 24 to 72 hours. I mean, what else do you want? You see, there might be same-day appointments. You never know. You gotta try it, man. If you've never tried it, I don't know how you're finding doctors in this day and age. But stop putting off those doctors' appointments and go to zocdoc.com/whiskey to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

• 29:32Andrew Santino?

  That's zocdoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, dot com slash whiskey. zocdoc.com slash, you know it, whiskey.

• 29:46Andrew Santino?

  So, um, as far as your future plans that are coming up.

• 29:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:50Andrew Santino?

  What's on the schedule? What does life look like for you now?

• 29:53Speaker 05

  It's very busy, like, the band, we're going on tour, we're going all across the US, and I'm doing comedy shows now, see, I'm Tito.

• 30:00Andrew Santino?

  You are?

• 30:00Speaker 05

  I'm doing comedy shows.

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  Where?

• 30:04Speaker 05

  Comedy places.

• 30:05Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well, that's, that's pretty vague. Any, anything specific?

• 30:08Speaker 05

  Uh, I gotta, I, I think it's like some of the biggest comedy clubs in America, I mean.

• 30:14Andrew Santino?

  You're doing all the biggest comedy clubs in America?

• 30:16Speaker 05

  Pete's? Yeah, I'm doing Pete's.

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  The coffee shop?

• 30:18Speaker 05

  Yep, I'm doing Pete's. I'm doing, uh, uh, something that's like, it's about, like, all the stars play there, something, uh, it's like Stars and Money or something, Starbucks, and then I'm doing Pete's, I'm doing Starbucks, uh, the 23rd, I just plug my dates.

• 30:34Andrew Santino?

  Just plug them, dude, plug away.

• 30:35Speaker 05

  Uh, I'm doing Pete's, I'm doing that, uh, I'm doing Seattle's, doing a date in Seattle, Seattle's best, it's like, I think it's like the best of the best of the.

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  Of comedy?

• 30:44Speaker 05

  Comics, you know, Seattle's best, and, uh, yeah, I mean, I'll do whatever, dark, light roast, whatever they want me to do, I'll do it, yeah.

• 30:53Andrew Santino?

  You're doing a coffee comedy tour?

• 30:56Speaker 05

  I'm doing a comedy show at these coffee shops. I come in, uh, they give me an apron.

• 31:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, time out, time out.

• 31:04Speaker 05

  You got, you got, usually like comics, I feel like when you're first starting, they get like, what, five minutes, something like that?

• 31:08Andrew Santino?

  Three, maybe?

• 31:09Speaker 05

  I'm getting like eight hours. They're giving me like eight hours.

• 31:12Andrew Santino?

  Are you, you, you just have a job at a coffee shop and then you think you're doing comedy? Is that what it is?

• 31:18Speaker 05

  I'm doing stand-up. People come in.

• 31:21Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 31:21Speaker 05

  Uh, it's kinda like one of those like shows, it's like, I don't know, there's like a show in like, it's like something in New York where it's like, it's, it's all around, it's like, like theater is everywhere, you know, and so the people are kinda coming, they can come in and they can come out, and you tell them jokes, you know, and then they, they shout suggestions, you know what I mean, they're like, uh, grande iced coffee, you know, and you're like, alright, I hear that, you know, and you kinda like, you do your thing, you know what I mean? You're like, uh, how long you guys been married? And they're like, just give me my coffee, bro. And you're like, alright, uh, that's pretty funny. And so I'm just doing kinda like crowd work and stuff like that, and, um, you know, it seems like there is, usually there's like a two-drink minimum, but here it seems like they could just get like a cake pop and leave, so it's kinda like nice for the fans, I think.

• 32:01Andrew Santino?

  Right, no drink minimum.

• 32:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, they do have to, to use the restroom, they do usually make them buy something.

• 32:07Andrew Santino?

  Is your microphone attached to your face?

• 32:10Speaker 05

  Yes, like Britney Spears.

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 32:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool.

• 32:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you just have a job at a coffee shop.

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Doing comedy, absolutely. I know. It's amazing. It's like to think of where I was and where I am now. It's like, it's really wild.

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

  So you went from selling insurance to now working at the coffee shop.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  I do both. I do both. You know, I'll, what's it called, like unpaid leave I'll take so I could do my comedy shows. It's the life of an artist. I mean, I'm sure you still have a job job that you're doing while doing comedy.

• 32:40Andrew Santino?

  I do.

• 32:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I'll never give it up.

• 32:42Speaker 05

  That's right. And so it's just kind of like one of those things. So, I mean, metal shows, comedy. Just kind of like blowing up.

• 32:51Andrew Santino?

  It's interesting that you're allowed there because I do know you've been banned from, at least all in the Los Angeles metro area, from all cat cafes. You're not allowed near cat cafes.

• 32:59Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 33:00Andrew Santino?

  No, why?

• 33:03Andrew Santino?

  What? You, you were eating, you were eating all the pussy at the cafe?

• 33:11Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your winds with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3, Get 1 Free offer, and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6.

• 33:49Speaker 05

  Some things don't change.

• 33:51Andrew Santino?

  No, they don't.

• 33:52Speaker 05

  Some things don't change, man.

• 33:53Andrew Santino?

  They certainly don't.

• 33:55Speaker 05

  But that's, you know, this is kind of like, that was my thing for a while and now I'm kind of doing other stuff.

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  What's the other stuff?

• 34:06Speaker 05

  I mean, I'll, I don't just eat that anymore.

• 34:10Andrew Santino?

  What else to eat?

• 34:13Speaker 05

  Whoever, whatever, you know, it's like I'm just opening my office. It's 2025, man.

• 34:18Andrew Santino?

  So you'll eat anybody?

• 34:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 34:21Andrew Santino?

  Have you, have you been careful? I mean, you have to be safe these days.

• 34:25Speaker 05

  Uh, what do you say careful? Like, what like me like in 2025, what does it even mean, dude? You know?

• 34:31Andrew Santino?

  Are you using utensils?

• 34:32Speaker 05

  No!

• 34:33Andrew Santino?

  You're not using utensils?

• 34:35Speaker 05

  Nope. I'm going right in.

• 34:36Andrew Santino?

  Do you know what you can, you know what's out there? John, this is insanely dangerous.

• 34:40Speaker 05

  But that's the thing. I don't know what's out there. That's what's exciting to me.

• 34:43Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 34:43Speaker 05

  It's like a whole new horizon, dude.

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I guess.

• 34:46Speaker 05

  What is out there? I don't know. We'll find out.

• 34:48Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I'm worried for you.

• 34:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:51Andrew Santino?

  When's the last time you went to a doctor?

• 34:54Speaker 05

  Went to a doctor to do comedy?

• 34:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 05

  Uh, I was like a couple of months ago, I got a gig booked at a, at a, at a doctor's office as well.

• 35:02Andrew Santino?

  How was it?

• 35:03Speaker 05

  Oh, it was good. I, I, I came in, uh, it was kind of a small crowd.

• 35:07Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 35:07Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? Uh, it was just kind of like one guy, but it was kind of like, his suggestions were so stupid. It was kind of, you remember one of those audiences where just like they're, everything they're throwing out, you know what I mean? They're like, oh, what's your diet? You know, what was your last bowel movement? I'm like, next, you know, something else.

• 35:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 05

  But like, you know how it is these days. Everything's crowd work. You know what I mean? Everything's crowd work, San Tito.

• 35:27Andrew Santino?

  It feels like that, doesn't it?

• 35:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Now are you gonna be posting crowd work clips online?

• 35:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah. That's, that's all I'm gonna do from now on.

• 35:35Andrew Santino?

  No, no written material?

• 35:36Speaker 05

  No, I, I don't, I don't really find that part important.

• 35:41Andrew Santino?

  Writing jokes?

• 35:42Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 35:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's just kind of a past tense, the past time thing.

• 35:45Speaker 05

  I just feel like the audience is there, right? They don't want to hear, like, it's like, they don't want to be like, oh, this guy like wrote this.

• 35:55Andrew Santino?

  All right, what a waste.

• 35:56Speaker 05

  They just want to be like, look at us. Like, how long have we been married? You know what I mean? Rip us.

• 36:02Andrew Santino?

  Right. They're like, listen, J D Salinger, we're just looking for.

• 36:05Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 36:05Andrew Santino?

  Somebody fun.

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. We're looking for have a good night. We're not trying to read a book.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  No. Do you find that now when you're like doing material that it feels like, come on, it's a little hacky?

• 36:16Andrew Santino?

  Well, material is hacky, yeah. Well, I don't, I don't really do stand up anymore, so I quit stand up.

• 36:22Speaker 05

  Really?

• 36:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  I think that's for the best.

• 36:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, me too. I finished. I did it. You know what I mean?

• 36:28Speaker 05

  You can only go so far.

• 36:30Andrew Santino?

  I went pretty far.

• 36:31Speaker 05

  You went so far.

• 36:33Andrew Santino?

  Further than we thought.

• 36:34Speaker 05

  Way further than we thought.

• 36:35Andrew Santino?

  Well, what's your, what do you think your goals are? You think you're an arena comic?

• 36:39Speaker 05

  Uh, I would like to, I, I mean, I'm, I don't wanna like, kinda like just, I see some of the people they're giving arenas to. I, I don't wanna be one of those people.

• 36:50Andrew Santino?

  Like Shane Gillis?

• 36:51Speaker 05

  I mean, I don't even, I gotta be honest, I don't know who that is.

• 36:54Andrew Santino?

  You don't know who Shane Gillis is?

• 36:55Speaker 05

  No, I don't know who that is!

• 36:56Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 36:57Speaker 05

  I don't know who that is!

• 36:58Andrew Santino?

  Chappelle?

• 36:59Speaker 05

  I don't know who that is! Oh, I just had Chappelle on my podcast. I love Chappelle Lacey!

• 37:04Andrew Santino?

  Dave Chappelle, not Chappelle Lacey, different, different guy. Dave Chappelle.

• 37:07Speaker 05

  Never heard of him.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 37:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I feel like you're not connected to the culture at all. Who are some of your favorite comedians?

• 37:18Speaker 05

  Uh, geez, man. Favorite comedians. Uh, Gary?

• 37:24Andrew Santino?

  Goldman?

• 37:25Speaker 05

  Yes! Funny. Uh, I find like some of the people who perform at the White House, they're pretty funny. Uh, I follow this girl on TikTok. She does dances. She's very funny. Uh, so I mean, I just think it's like-

• 37:39Andrew Santino?

  Wait, people who perform at the White, like JD Vance? You see, he's the-

• 37:43Speaker 05

  Have you ever, have you seen his new stuff?

• 37:45Andrew Santino?

  Is it good?

• 37:46Speaker 05

  It's very good. I think so.

• 37:48Andrew Santino?

  A lot of his old stuff wasn't good.

• 37:49Speaker 05

  It's not good?

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  It's just a little stupid.

• 37:52Speaker 05

  But he's doing more crowd work now.

• 37:54Andrew Santino?

  So much.

• 37:54Speaker 05

  And the clips are great.

• 37:56Andrew Santino?

  The clips are pretty good.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  The clips are blowing up, the clips are great.

• 37:59Andrew Santino?

  Well, look, you, you're blowing up.

• 38:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I mean-

• 38:01Andrew Santino?

  You're achieving.

• 38:02Speaker 05

  See, that's, that's the thing, it's like, now that you've stopped stand-up-

• 38:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's opened up a door for you.

• 38:08Speaker 05

  It's kinda like, people are, I, I'm getting kinda some of your offers.

• 38:12Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 38:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:13Andrew Santino?

  What was the last offer you got?

• 38:15Speaker 05

  Oh, they were like, you know, they were like, hey man, what, what, I got pitched this thing, uh, I think it was by, I think it was by Macode, actually. Texted me, he was like, hey dude, like, have you ever seen Always Sunny in Philadelphia? I was like, yeah, I've seen that show.

• 38:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  And he's like, uh, some of the people in it be funny, they golf. What if you did like a golf thing? And he, and he was just like pitching me this idea.

• 38:38Andrew Santino?

  This is my show, this is what I do, that's my, that's my golf show.

• 38:43Speaker 05

  It's our golf show. And so he was like, what about this?

• 38:47Andrew Santino?

  This is my golf. You're just explaining my, you're describing No Bad Lies, my golf show, No Bad Lies. You're just describing my golf show, No Bad Lies. That's also on my channel here that we're on.

• 38:57Speaker 05

  Wait, I'm, I'm just describing No Bad Lives currently on this YouTube channel that you could subscribe to and watch right now?

• 39:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, 100%. You're just describing it.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  And what, they could just go watch an episode with someone from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

• 39:09Andrew Santino?

  They could, if they wanted to, yeah. Charlie Day is on the third episode.

• 39:14Speaker 05

  Well, he's on my first episode.

• 39:17Andrew Santino?

  I think I am going to see you in court.

• 39:20Speaker 05

  You're gonna be there Wednesday?

• 39:21Andrew Santino?

  I'll be there Wednesday morning. Yeah, I have a traffic ticket I have to pay.

• 39:24Speaker 05

  Well, it'd be, it'd be, it'd be nice to have some consistency. It would be nice to see you. It would be nice to see you.

• 39:30Andrew Santino?

  Okay, we'll meet up for breakfast.

• 39:30Speaker 05

  Great. I would, I would love to do breakfast.

• 39:32Andrew Santino?

  Do you want to tell everyone your breakfast order? This is one of my favorite things when we go out to eat breakfast. Tell them your breakfast order.

• 39:37Speaker 05

  Oh, gosh. It's not, it's not weird.

• 39:41Andrew Santino?

  It's not weird. It's just you're very you. It's like so you, it's ridiculous.

• 39:45Speaker 05

  Utensils.

• 39:48Andrew Santino?

  This guy will, this guy will order like 10 spoons.

• 39:53Andrew Santino?

  It's so, I'm not fat shaming. It's just insane to see you consume that many spoons.

• 39:58Speaker 05

  They're teaspoons, okay? And they'll all come at once.

• 40:03Andrew Santino?

  But you'll get a couple tablespoons to go.

• 40:06Speaker 05

  I mean, I'll, I'll ask for, I'll see if they have any of the plastic ones that they don't need. It's not like, they're not all like metal or whatever, you know?

• 40:16Andrew Santino?

  They are. They're all stainless steel. All of them are. I've seen you eat 30 stainless steel items in one sitting. And a half a cup of coffee.

• 40:25Speaker 05

  They course it out. You know what I mean? It's not like...

• 40:27Andrew Santino?

  Not when we go to a diner, they don't.

• 40:31Speaker 05

  Tito.

• 40:32Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm just, it's funny. I'll stop ragging on you.

• 40:35Speaker 05

  You said, I mean, it's just kind of...

• 40:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'll tell you what, for your birthday last year, this was tough for me because you wanted to go out somewhere fancy. I said, where do you want to go? You said, bring me to wherever the Kardashians go. That's what you said.

• 40:46Speaker 05

  And?

• 40:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, I did. I took you, I know, I took you out to a fancy restaurant. And what did you do there?

• 40:55Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  What'd you do there?

• 40:57Speaker 05

  I mean, they had really nice cutlery, okay? It was my birthday. Oh, now I'm getting raked over the coals for what I do on my birthday, man?

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  You ate an entire platter. Yeah, you ate the platter, the physical platter itself.

• 41:12Speaker 05

  They were like, they're like, what do you want?

• 41:15Andrew Santino?

  You dumped the entire, like, the seafood tower. He dumped it out and just ate the platter.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  And you guys ate all the seafood, so it seemed like a pretty good birthday.

• 41:24Andrew Santino?

  But it's just, it was a fun birthday. It was fun.

• 41:28Speaker 05

  And they brought out my cake, and it was on one of those little...

• 41:30Andrew Santino?

  And they signed you happy birthday, yeah, and you dismissed the cake, you smacked it away.

• 41:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was... See, but that was a nice restaurant!

• 41:37Andrew Santino?

  It was nice. Did you use that gift that I bought you? You haven't used it once.

• 41:42Speaker 05

  I mean, it's kinda weird to be out.

• 41:45Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean it weirds you out?

• 41:46Speaker 05

  I think it's listening to me.

• 41:49Andrew Santino?

  You think it's listening to you?

• 41:50Speaker 05

  I think it's listening to me.

• 41:52Andrew Santino?

  It's a microwave. What do you mean, it's, they don't listen to you?

• 41:55Speaker 05

  It's one of those things where you got me, so, okay, Santino doesn't just get you a microwave. He's like, "Oh, is this the new..."

• 42:03Andrew Santino?

  It's a presentation. Yeah, I make a big deal out of it, so what?

• 42:06Speaker 05

  And what kind of box did it come in? Amazon?

• 42:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, an Amazon box.

• 42:09Speaker 05

  And who's listening to us?

• 42:12Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your winds with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3, Get 1 Free offer, and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6.

• 42:49Andrew Santino?

  Who, McCone?

• 42:50Speaker 05

  Jeff McCone.

• 42:51Andrew Santino?

  Jeff Bezos?

• 42:52Speaker 05

  He's literally got, no, he's literally got headphones on, he's listening to us.

• 42:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's listening to us.

• 42:55Speaker 05

  You don't know he's listening to us right now?

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  Are you, have you been listening the whole time? Wow.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, see? I told you.

• 43:00Andrew Santino?

  Sorry.

• 43:01Speaker 05

  I told you.

• 43:02Andrew Santino?

  The microwave is not li- look, I bought you the nicest microwave I could, it's got three tiers to it.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 43:07Andrew Santino?

  You can multiheat things.

• 43:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, this guy's like, "Hey, play your music through, it's got Bluetooth and all this stuff."

• 43:12Andrew Santino?

  It does have a Bluetooth.

• 43:12Speaker 05

  It's like, "Yeah, yeah." "Why does it have a Bluetooth, Santino?"

• 43:15Andrew Santino?

  So you can play music while you're waiting for your food to heat up? I think that's pretty logical. That doesn't seem weird. It's got wheels on it, you can roll it from different areas of the counter, I thought that was cool. Plus, it's got like a little camera on the front of it.

• 43:27Speaker 05

  Yes!

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  That's for you to take selfies of yourself when you're cooking your food, to go, "Yo, what up? Eating pizza?" And then you can post it to Instagram. Is that not a good idea? I feel like that was a great idea.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  Well, I do like that it automatically posts, like I'm kinda like up the content. I do kinda like that my whole life is constantly, uh, just being watched.

• 43:45Andrew Santino?

  Be on the web.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, alright. Alright, I'll use it, I'll use it.

• 43:50Andrew Santino?

  Well, guys, grab yourself a, uh, Sunbeam, uh, Ride the Wave Microwave. Ride the Wave is the new series, cameras, speakers, Bluetooth, got wheels. Um, it also, uh, shrinks down. You can enlarge it, expand it, shrink it down. Uh, click the link here below to get yourself one of those brand new Ride the Wave microwaves.

• 44:09Speaker 05

  In fact, I think McCone's setting one up right now, I think this is what you're watching. You're watching this on the front of a microwave.

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  God bless. Wow.

• 44:20Andrew Santino?

  I wanna tell you something, bud.

• 44:21Speaker 05

  Oh. Don't be.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  I'm not taking a shot at you, but... When, when was the last time you bathed, do you think?

• 44:33Speaker 05

  Uh, when was the last time I bathed? And, and you mean like?

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  Cleaned yourself, washed yourself off, using water and soap.

• 44:42Speaker 05

  I don't really think...

• 44:45Speaker 05

  I don't really think you need to do that.

• 44:46Andrew Santino?

  You do literally need to do that. You do need to do that.

• 44:49Speaker 05

  It's like Q-tips.

• 44:50Andrew Santino?

  What does that mean?

• 44:51Speaker 05

  Q-tips, they, they, people are always like putting Q-tips in their ear, if you go to the doctor, they'll tell you, your ear will clean itself.

• 44:58Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 44:58Speaker 05

  You don't need Q-tips.

• 44:59Andrew Santino?

  Well, your ear will, yeah, you shouldn't use Q-tips. They're bad for you, cause you're pushing wax in.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  You think it stops there?

• 45:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:05Speaker 05

  Look at this.

• 45:08Andrew Santino?

  I mean, yeah, your skin looks, I do think you should start washing again. We got you to do it when you were in college, you were doing it.

• 45:16Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no. When we were in college, you were doing it.

• 45:20Andrew Santino?

  I would wash you, yes, correct, yes. Because some of the girls that would come over would complain and I would go, dude, if you want to be a good wingman, you know, and you would always be like, I am a wingman, look at these ears, I get it, but that's not funny, it's not funny.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  It's, it was, it was fun at the time.

• 45:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they would get a laugh, but to be a real good wingman, I would say, John, you gotta bathe and you gotta let me like wash your back and wash, you have to wash and you can't, I know you can't reach your feet, but you gotta let, you have to find a way to, you gotta start doing it, dude.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  I mean, I'll see if my Waymo will go through a car wash or something like that, you know, I mean, I'll just, I'll see.

• 45:57Andrew Santino?

  I mean, that's if that, if that's at most that you can do, then that'll work.

• 46:00Speaker 05

  It's just, I just kind of think it's unnatural, you know, I mean, it's like, it's not the way God intended, you know, it's one of those things where,

• 46:09Andrew Santino?

  right.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  You know?

• 46:10Andrew Santino?

  I have to let you live and be you, I shouldn't try to restrict you.

• 46:13Speaker 05

  That's it.

• 46:13Andrew Santino?

  You're right, I have to let you be you.

• 46:15Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 46:16Andrew Santino?

  Who are, who's doing your hair lately, by the way? You look like it's way more moisturized than it used to be.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, now here's the thing. I got here, I was giving him a coat, compliments, he gave me his new conditioner.

• 46:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the, the, the, the dry that you rubbed through during the day?

• 46:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:31Andrew Santino?

  That does look nice, though.

• 46:32Speaker 05

  Thank you. I put that in.

• 46:35Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's nice, I mean, it's your taking care.

• 46:37Speaker 05

  Kind of smells like vanilla and cinnamon.

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

  That's your favorite smells, aren't they?

• 46:41Speaker 05

  Those are my two favorite smells.

• 46:42Andrew Santino?

  What's your third favorite? It goes vanilla, cinnamon, and?

• 46:45Speaker 05

  Cianino's neck.

• 46:46Andrew Santino?

  Cianino's neck. Yeah, you do love my neck. Why do you love my neck so much?

• 46:50Speaker 05

  I mean.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  You bit me a couple of months ago and it still hasn't healed and it does hurt a lot.

• 46:57Speaker 05

  Look, man, when we start doing bits, it's just.

• 47:00Andrew Santino?

  It wasn't really a bit, I bled for like three hours, we had to go to the ER.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  It was a bit.

• 47:04Andrew Santino?

  We went to the hospital, then he's trying to do stand-up for the doctor.

• 47:07Speaker 05

  It was a bit.

• 47:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, it was a big bit.

• 47:10Speaker 05

  Yeah. I took a bit out of your neck.

• 47:13Andrew Santino?

  And some bits don't work, and that bit didn't do well.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, that one felt a little flat.

• 47:17Andrew Santino?

  That felt very flat, yeah, my shoulders.

• 47:19Speaker 05

  It was like, that's kind of like a play at work, but it's kind of just really very quickly.

• 47:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it went downhill.

• 47:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know, hey. It's kinda like stand-up, man. You toss some stuff out there when you're doing crowd work. You know, sometimes it works and sometimes you just gotta give them a Frappuccino, you know?

• 47:36Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you, uh, why don't you display for the people that wanna come see you live a couple of the new jokes that you've been working on?

• 47:40Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah. Here we go, here we go.

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Uh, welcome, uh, to Pete's Coffee. Can I get your order? I have a large macchiato with no cream. Nice mustache!

• 48:08Andrew Santino?

  Are you just making fun of his mustache?

• 48:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, crowd work, crowd work.

• 48:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh, crowd work.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was crowd work.

• 48:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, you gotta have something clever. Like, you have to say something like, uh, "Hey, can I take your order?"

• 48:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, guys, have an iced coffee.

• 48:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no problem. Uh, are you gonna remove that caterpillar above, um, the ca- the cata- are you gonna be able to remove the caterpillar on top of your lip before you have a sip of the coffee? That's kinda how it goes. That's if you wanna make fun of a mustache, that's how it goes.

• 48:34Speaker 05

  That was really good.

• 48:36Andrew Santino?

  Thanks.

• 48:36Speaker 05

  That was like...

• 48:40Speaker 05

  They say comedy's about rhythm.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  And timing.

• 48:42Speaker 05

  Yeah. And that was like watching jazz.

• 48:45Andrew Santino?

  Right?

• 48:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:47Andrew Santino?

  I can do it again. Ready?

• 48:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:50Andrew Santino?

  Uh, welcome. Uh, can I take your order?

• 48:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, just a cake pop today, please.

• 48:54Andrew Santino?

  Just a cake pop? Uh, you sure you didn't mean K-pop? Uh, the, uh, are you sure, uh, uh, are you sure you don't wanna BTS your way outta here? In the back of the, uh, and then, and then, uh, "That makes you larger than life."

• 49:17Andrew Santino?

  Was that good?

• 49:19Speaker 05

  Round of applause! Oh my god!

• 49:21Andrew Santino?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 49:23Speaker 05

  You're back! You can't quit, man, you can't quit!

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna quit now. I don't think I wanna quit.

• 49:28Speaker 05

  No, you have to give the people, man!

• 49:30Andrew Santino?

  I gotta give the people what they want.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  You have to!

• 49:32Andrew Santino?

  Can you call someone at Pete's and see if I can come back and start doing-

• 49:35Speaker 05

  You gonna do a spot tonight?

• 49:36Andrew Santino?

  I would love to do an eight-hour spot.

• 49:39Speaker 05

  I'll... We have a guy supposed to come in, I'll eat him.

• 49:43Andrew Santino?

  Are you being serious? You'd do that for me?

• 49:44Speaker 05

  Of course I would!

• 49:45Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna eat bones and all?

• 49:46Speaker 05

  Seventeen years, man.

• 49:48Andrew Santino?

  I know. I know. You, let me tell you something, you haven't eaten someone for me in a long time.

• 49:56Andrew Santino?

  It's been a long time. I mean, it definitely has, but. You ate that guy that, that, uh, at the movie theater when, when I said, I, can I get, um, a new batch of popcorn? He got so upset. He's like, we're not cooking a new batch. Yeah. What's there is there. Yeah. And I said, dude, I'm asking you politely. And he said, why don't you ask yourself why you're such a picky bitch? I turned to you. Yep. I grabbed that butter real fast. You lubed him up in butter.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  Yep. John lubed him up in butter and he ate him, I mean, whole. He ate him entirely whole. What was weird is you, you started, I thought you would do head for it. You started with an arm. Yeah, you start with an arm and you eat that way. Yeah. Is it easier to eat arm first than? I gotta be honest. That was like so, I was kinda like just. You black out a little bit. I, I didn't really know what was happening at the time. And I feel like his arm came at me. Like he was gonna punch you, yeah. Yeah, so I just, ah, opened up. There it goes. And I just started, I could kinda work my way through his body. But I tell you what, after that, I felt like so powerful. Right. Yeah. Like you, like you were. You say it. Superhuman.

• 51:11Andrew Santino?

  Yes, I'm superhuman. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you are kind of superhuman. I'm superhuman. Yeah. I am not human. Yes. You are superhuman. Yeah. Above. Su- super means superior, above. Super, superior humans, right? That's what I said. I always feel that way, but on that day I did, and I would do it again, man. I'm gonna ask you because I know we don't talk about it anymore, but are you, are you still in contact with your ex-wife or no? I actually haven't publicly kinda like. Oh, do you want, should we not talk? Yeah, we could kinda like cut that part out or whatever, like.

• 51:47Andrew Santino?

  Okay, you don't want to, okay. Well, just kinda wanted to see if it was like, I don't, we talk about her. But I love Sheila. She was so sweet. I mean, I don't, we don't have to talk about her if you don't want to.

• 51:57Andrew Santino?

  Do you talk to Sheila? Not if you don't.

• 52:02Speaker 05

  Because I definitely don't, and I remember you were saying when we kind of went through the divorce, you were kind of like, you did kind of like one of these, and you said, "Listen, man." And you pulled me in and you said,

• 52:13Speaker 05

  "She's dead to me."

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  She's dead to us.

• 52:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. And you said, "She, you know, what she did to you, John, I'll never talk to her again."

• 52:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:23Speaker 05

  And then I said, "Take out your phone."

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  I took out my-

• 52:25Speaker 05

  And then I watched you block her.

• 52:26Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 52:27Speaker 05

  So how would you even, like, contact her, whatever, you know what I mean?

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  I ran into her.

• 52:34Andrew Santino?

  I, I ran in, I, I ran into her

• 52:39Andrew Santino?

  at Bluestone Coffee Shop.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Oh, which, by the way,

• 52:45Speaker 05

  May 23rd, Bluestone Coffee Shop.

• 52:48Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 52:48Speaker 05

  John Goffecon, gonna be doing new material. Come on out.

• 52:55Andrew Santino?

  I ran into her at a Bluestone.

• 52:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  We just started chatting and just, just talking about the old times. And, uh-

• 53:03Speaker 05

  Boy, did she seem like, like, pretty, like, distraught, because like, I'm sure like her life is just like, empty.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  She's, she, she, well, it's a little different than what you think. I mean, she's very, she's remarkably happy. She was smiling ear to ear. She was with a new guy. I didn't want to tell you, especially this way, but she was with a new guy. And unfortunately, you know him.

• 53:35Andrew Santino?

  And I, I, I know this is like, hard to say and hard to hear, but she's fully in love. She's pregnant. Which, um, I know that's tough. But she's fully in love and she's pregnant.

• 53:52Andrew Santino?

  And she's with someone you know very well, and I think you know exactly how it is.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  Uh,

• 54:00Speaker 05

  does his name rhyme with beat bulbs?

• 54:03Andrew Santino?

  It does.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  Oh, God. Oh, my God.

• 54:10Speaker 05

  He's like... He is infectious. I mean, he's just so-

• 54:15Andrew Santino?

  He's so handsome.

• 54:15Speaker 05

  He's so big!

• 54:17Andrew Santino?

  He's full-sized.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  Yeah! They smile, he's so happy all the time.

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna call him and call him out. I just, I don't know why we hid this from me for so long.

• 54:29Speaker 05

  To be honest, like, I... I was like, "Yo, please say "Adam Pally", you know, just someone I can hang, you know?

• 54:35Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it's Pete Holmes. And, um-

• 54:39Speaker 05

  Okay, he blocked you?

• 54:42Andrew Santino?

  He thinks- Let's try one more time, maybe-

• 54:44Speaker 05

  He blocked you?

• 54:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, hold on, someone's calling me. Hello?

• 54:49Speaker 06

  What's up, buddy?

• 54:49Andrew Santino?

  Hey, man, I'm on the podcast right now with John Goblikon, and, um-

• 54:53Speaker 06

  All right, call me afterwards because I have a couple of other things to talk to you about.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  Okay, but can you tell... I just told Goblin that his ex was with Pete Holmes, and he's a little concerned about it. Did you hear about this? Did you know about this prior to it happening?

• 55:09Speaker 06

  Well, yeah, of course, because I was there when I had sex with her, too.

• 55:12Andrew Santino?

  Bobby, I'll call you back, I gotta go.

• 55:14Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 55:15Andrew Santino?

  I gotta go.

• 55:16Speaker 06

  She just didn't know condom.

• 55:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow. So, wait a minute, do you think she's pregnant with your baby?

• 55:23Speaker 06

  I mean, me, Pete Holmes, there's a bunch of Peter Tosh, we all unloaded later.

• 55:28Andrew Santino?

  Okay, all right, buddy, I love you.

• 55:29Speaker 06

  All right, all right.

• 55:30Andrew Santino?

  Bye, bud. She clearly has a type. She clearly has a type? Bobby Lee, Pete Holmes, John Goblikon. Did he say Peter Tosh?

• 55:42Andrew Santino?

  And Daniel Tosh. Both of the Tosh brothers.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  The Tosh Twins?

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 05

  The Tosh Twins were the two?

• 55:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm really sorry, dude. Look... I don't- I don't take any sort of joy in breaking you news like this, but if I'm being very real with you, look at me. The entire comedy community is sleeping with your wife. Ex-wife. Sheila. Everybody, and I mean name a comic and I'll tell you yes or no if they're sleeping with your ex-wife.

• 56:15Speaker 05

  Seriously, Robert?

• 56:19Speaker 05

  Both Chappelle's?

• 56:19Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  Oh, the Chappelle Twins, too?

• 56:22Andrew Santino?

  Keep going.

• 56:27Speaker 05

  I'm so interested in the comedy community that all the comedians.

• 56:34Speaker 05

  The guy who was doing like the dances on TikTok?

• 56:41Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  What?

• 56:46Andrew Santino?

  There's only one person that hasn't, John. There's only one guy that hasn't slept with your ex-wife.

• 56:54Andrew Santino?

  Mccone.

• 56:57Andrew Santino?

  Everybody else has. Just hand stuff.

• 57:01Speaker 05

  Well, that's fine.

• 57:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, hand stuff is not that big of a deal. He doesn't care about that stuff. He never cared about that.

• 57:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've always said like, is that even stuff? You know what I mean? Which is just like the hands.

• 57:10Andrew Santino?

  Scott Hansy.

• 57:11Speaker 05

  Yeah. So.

• 57:14Speaker 05

  Everyone.

• 57:15Andrew Santino?

  Everyone you know.

• 57:16Speaker 05

  But the two of you, that's like.

• 57:17Andrew Santino?

  No, I, I, I, I slept with your ex-wife.

• 57:22Andrew Santino?

  I slept with your ex-wife.

• 57:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I slept with your wife. We were just talking about sleeping and watching.

• 57:26Andrew Santino?

  No, I, I, I made love to your ex-wife. I don't mean physically sleeping. I mean, I made love to her. It was a lot of us in the room. It was me and Andy Dick. Margaret Cho was filming.

• 57:37Speaker 05

  I thought you said it was comedians.

• 57:40Andrew Santino?

  And, and personalities.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Okay, you're sorry.

• 57:45Andrew Santino?

  While we were hooking up with your ex, Dimitri Martin was, was drawing it.

• 57:53Speaker 05

  That must've been hard to cause for you when he was just kind of just doing wordplay.

• 57:56Andrew Santino?

  He has really good bits. He does have extremely good bits.

• 57:58Speaker 05

  You're like, that? I don't know. I think we're having a lot of pun, you know?

• 58:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  And after all that, the biggest twist of the night.

• 58:08Speaker 05

  Wait.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  If you tell me a bunch of props came.

• 58:13Speaker 05

  And he. Did that fellow redhead use them on her?

• 58:17Andrew Santino?

  Carrot top flew in.

• 58:19Speaker 05

  Which is a trunk full of weird sex stuff?

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  An absurd amount. I mean, the trunk was huge. Two men had to like carry it in.

• 58:30Speaker 05

  Why would I have paid to see that?

• 58:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that would have been good. It is available on Patreon.

• 58:33Speaker 05

  The cost of that ticket, I would have been like, like, that should be his Vegas show.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  Click this link right here for the Patreon to watch, uh, the entire comedy community sleeping with John's ex-wife Sheila, right here.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  Right now!

• 58:44Andrew Santino?

  Right now.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  It's that time of the year, you gotta get new clubs. You know you've been putting it off. What are you waiting for, man? And that means one thing. Heading over to your local PXG store for a fitting, okay? They make the best golf clubs, period. They make the best golf clubs, period. You can hear them say it in the ad. Uh, the fastest way to improve your performance on the golf course is a PXG fitting. I did one. I went out there to Scottsdale. Beautiful, beautiful Scottsdale, Arizona. Uh, the PXG fitters are great. They're phenomenal. They're highly trained, incredibly experienced, and have a deep understanding of how to optimize your clubs to get the most out of your swing. PXG fittings are educational, but they're mostly fun. That's the best part about it. You get to goof. You get to goof! Get a little lunch, have a little cocktail, swing a couple of clubs, see how you do. What do you hit, your seven iron? How far do you hit your seven iron? You say, "Well, I'm gonna turn on this one, pal. I might hit it 128." No.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  But truth be told, PXG, their fittings are like no other. I don't know if you've ever been fitted. A lot of people think, "It's not for me, it's too expensive, it's ridiculous." No, no, no. If you really want to optimize your golf game, you really wanna play good this year? Summer's here, dude. It's sniffing. It's right around the corner. I can smell the bathing suits right now. I smell the ballpark franks. I smell it, I can see it, that sunscreen. That's all I really smell, all the time is sunscreen. It's right around the corner! You wanna play a lot of golf? You gotta get fitted. Get yourself some new clubs. You deserve it. You've worked hard. And even if you haven't, who cares? Just get 'em. Schedule your fitting today, and for a limited time, you could save up to 20% on your entire order. Head over to PXG.com/WhiskeyGinger. That's PXG.com/WhiskeyGinger to save up to 20% off on your entire order. PXG.com/WhiskeyGinger.

• 1:00:19Andrew Santino?

  Restrictions apply. See site for details. Hey, I gotta tell you about Kickoff, man. Kickoff is great. You're looking to buy a home, you want to get your first car, your dream ride, you've been saving up, you want to take advantage of credit card reward programs, flights, maybe travel with the family, your parents, your kids. You're new to credit, you want to establish, or you want to grow. Whatever you need to do, whatever you want to do with your credit, Kickoff is here to help you, okay? Even when your credit's not perfect, it can feel like the system is stacked against you. I know that. It stinks. It's hard to get good credit, it's hard to keep credit. Even when you're responsible with money, bad credit can creep on you. And I hurt my credit, I dinged it when I was fresh out of college, pretty bad. It was stupid of me. I did some dumb things, made some bad purchases, some bad decisions, it happens. It is what it is. But that's where Kickoff comes in.

• 1:01:03Andrew Santino?

  Kickoff gives you the smartest tools to build real credit fast. Sign up right now without a credit check and Kickoff's monthly plan started. Targeting key credit factors in the background, which can mean real results, even before you even know it. It can be very real, very fast. Start building your credit with Kickoff today. Just know, you're not alone. A lot of people out there are struggling with credit. It's a fickle, fickle thing. It's confusing and odd, but that's why you can start building credit with Kickoff. And over 1 million users and hundreds of thousands of positive reviews. There's a reason why Kickoff is the number one credit builder on the App Store. Start building your credit immediately for just $1 a month. Sign up in minutes from your phone. No credit checking, cancel at any time, alright? Start building credit with Kickoff today and you can get your first month for as little as a dollar.

• 1:01:46Andrew Santino?

  That's 80% off the normal price when you go to getkickoff.com/whiskey. That's kickoff without the C, that's get K-I-K-O-F-F dot com slash whiskey. Must sign up via getkickoff.com/whiskey to activate offer. Offer applies to new Kickoff customers first month only. Subject to approval, offer subject to change. Average first year credit score impact of plus 84 points. Vantage score 3.0 between January 2023 and January 2024 for Kickoff credit account users, sorry, who started with a score below 600, who paid on time and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period. Late payments may negatively affect your credit score. Individual results may vary. Ginger. I like gingers. Right now! Right now.

• 1:02:30Speaker 05

  That should be the name of

• 1:02:31Andrew Santino?

  A show.

• 1:02:32Speaker 05

  A show.

• 1:02:33Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, it doesn't have any ring to it. Right now. Right now. It's like a parent being mean.

• 1:02:38Speaker 05

  It actually is, like, when you

• 1:02:40Andrew Santino?

  Clean your room right now.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  Ooh.

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  Right now.

• 1:02:42Speaker 05

  Ooh, it's like, very, can you say it without sounding nasally and annoying?

• 1:02:46Andrew Santino?

  Right now.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  You can't.

• 1:02:48Andrew Santino?

  I'll try. Right now, yeah, right now.

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  Nope. I think for a show to be successful, it's gotta have bad in the name.

• 1:03:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I have two shows. One's No Bad Lies and one's called Bad Friends. And then I have the show Whiskey Ginger and I, and, and, and I know what you're doing.

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  I'm not doing anything.

• 1:03:09Andrew Santino?

  I know what you're doing.

• 1:03:10Speaker 05

  I'm not doing anything. I'm just saying, like, for, for a show, for a show to be successful, it's gotta have bad in the name, right, McCone?

• 1:03:22Speaker 05

  Can you pull up some of those numbers? I feel like if a show's gonna be successful-

• 1:03:26Andrew Santino?

  You know what, you know what, I thought you were gonna come in here and not try to start shit, and here you are.

• 1:03:29Speaker 05

  People are actually like watching, it's like, what are they searching for?

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

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• 1:04:15Andrew Santino?

  Sheila's pregnant with my baby.

• 1:04:18Andrew Santino?

  Sheila's pregnant with my baby.

• 1:04:21Andrew Santino?

  I brought these other comedians into the, that's not true. It's me. It's only been me. All the comics come to watch us. We have Cock Fest. We have Cock Fest at the Comedy Store. It's every Wednesday night. It's in the Belly Room. Everybody comes and watches. They cheer us on. It's a one-drink minimum.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  It sells out, too.

• 1:04:41Andrew Santino?

  It sells out every week. It's the largest live Cock Fest podcast in the world.

• 1:04:50Speaker 05

  So it beat Kill Tony.

• 1:04:52Andrew Santino?

  It's not even close.

• 1:04:58Andrew Santino?

  We'd love for you to come if you want to do a guest and be on the panel.

• 1:05:02Speaker 05

  I'm kinda like more into like the alt scene right now, yeah.

• 1:05:05Andrew Santino?

  That's fine.

• 1:05:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I'm just kinda, it's kinda like my crowd. It's like, they're just more forgiving, you know what I mean? Of like weird experimental jokes.

• 1:05:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, when we take it to El Cid, I'll call ya.

• 1:05:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:05:14Speaker 05

  I just wanna ask you a question because I'm just processing through everything and you were... And before, you were like, "Yeah, like, all these comedians are with Sheila," and then, you know, you called and you called Bobby and he's like confirming.

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  And then you're like, "No, I actually am."

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  I'm with Sheila.

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  So...

• 1:05:35Andrew Santino?

  We're keeping the baby.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  Before, what you were saying would be considered not true or otherwise known as a...

• 1:05:49Speaker 05

  Guys, you have to fucking subscribe right now, okay? No Bad Lies. And that's something friends don't do. Friends don't lie. They don't tell good ones. They don't tell bad ones. Check out this Thursday, No Bad Lies with McCone, me, John Goblikon, and the slightly balding one from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

• 1:06:23Andrew Santino?

  Have you been to a Dodger game this season?

• 1:06:25Speaker 05

  Oh, I love the Dodgers, yeah.

• 1:06:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're a big fan, aren't you?

• 1:06:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm a huge Dodgers fan, yep.

• 1:06:29Andrew Santino?

  And your favorite players are?

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  Uh, Sammy.

• 1:06:32Andrew Santino?

  Shohei Ohtani.

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  Shohei Ohtani.

• 1:06:36Andrew Santino?

  Mookie.

• 1:06:37Speaker 05

  Moo, moo.

• 1:06:38Andrew Santino?

  Mookie Betts?

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  Mookie.

• 1:06:40Andrew Santino?

  Betts?

• 1:06:41Speaker 05

  Mookie Betts.

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  And Freddie.

• 1:06:43Speaker 05

  And Freddie Armisen.

• 1:06:45Andrew Santino?

  Fred Armisen?

• 1:06:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:46Andrew Santino?

  I didn't know, like, no one thought after SNL, he was gonna be able to play on like a professional baseball.

• 1:06:51Speaker 05

  He's amazing.

• 1:06:52Andrew Santino?

  He's incredible.

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  He's a great...

• 1:06:54Andrew Santino?

  What can't he do?

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's one of my favorite goalkeepers.

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  So, yeah, what else have you been up to, San Tito? Living here, I see you traveling all the time now.

• 1:07:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm on the road a lot, yeah.

• 1:07:05Speaker 05

  You're doing a lot of road stuff.

• 1:07:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, I don't have a choice.

• 1:07:09Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:07:10Andrew Santino?

  I have a baby on the way.

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:07:12Andrew Santino?

  I have a baby on the way. I've gotta prepare for this second family.

• 1:07:19Andrew Santino?

  Sheila's moving in with us bud, you know that, right?

• 1:07:22Speaker 05

  I mean, how could I like know that if you know, I'm not allowed legally to talk to her, you know what I mean?

• 1:07:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 05

  So.

• 1:07:32Andrew Santino?

  But I have been traveling, yeah, I am gonna continue to travel. I'm going to Europe, Bobby and I are gonna play London and Dublin. We're gonna do a show.

• 1:07:40Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  No, the answer's no, don't ask. You, you, you keep calling me, "Hey, maybe, uh, maybe I can open for you, maybe we can..." No. No, the answer's no.

• 1:07:50Speaker 05

  They love me over there.

• 1:07:51Andrew Santino?

  They do not.

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, they do.

• 1:07:52Andrew Santino?

  You're not allowed in like six European countries, no, seven.

• 1:07:57Speaker 05

  That's not Europe.

• 1:07:58Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:07:59Speaker 05

  It's not Europe.

• 1:08:00Andrew Santino?

  Spain, France, this is all Europe. You can't go to Italy.

• 1:08:04Speaker 05

  London, I think they, I think they're not Europe anymore.

• 1:08:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, no, no, England is Europe, dude.

• 1:08:09Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 1:08:09Andrew Santino?

  Yes, it is, Mccone, right? England's not Europe anymore.

• 1:08:13Speaker 05

  Not anymore.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that they're their own thing.

• 1:08:15Speaker 05

  It's like its own...

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  Well, come play the show in, in England then.

• 1:08:17Speaker 05

  I would love to.

• 1:08:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'll open for you guys, I'll do some crowd work, I'll do some, you know, crowd work and stuff like that, and like...

• 1:08:24Andrew Santino?

  But you gotta write bits. You gotta write jokes.

• 1:08:26Speaker 05

  I don't really think so.

• 1:08:28Andrew Santino?

  I mean, we do, I'm, I'm gonna pay you.

• 1:08:30Speaker 05

  Oh. You're gonna pay me?

• 1:08:34Andrew Santino?

  Well...

• 1:08:36Speaker 05

  I'll write, I'll write material if you pay me.

• 1:08:37Andrew Santino?

  I'll write, I'll, I'll pay you.

• 1:08:39Speaker 05

  Then I'll write material.

• 1:08:40Andrew Santino?

  Cause I'd like to see you do something.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:43Andrew Santino?

  Um, would you mind, would you mind settling, uh, a little bit of a beef? For me?

• 1:08:49Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:08:51Andrew Santino?

  Um, just calling someone real fast, just, I mean, I think you'll recognize by the voice and you'll know right away what my issue is. Um...

• 1:09:00Andrew Santino?

  I just, um, this person is not, no longer a friend. And I was gonna see if you could repair.

• 1:09:08Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 1:09:09Speaker 06

  I know this guy.

• 1:09:12Speaker 06

  Where are you guys?

• 1:09:13Speaker 05

  We're at a coffee shop doing a gig.

• 1:09:16Speaker 06

  Oh, sick. Like a, like a acoustic set?

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  It's kinda like a duo.

• 1:09:21Speaker 06

  Oh, cool, nice.

• 1:09:23Speaker 05

  I need to know if Santino

• 1:09:26Speaker 05

  is gonna be with my wife Sheila for the rest of his life.

• 1:09:30Speaker 05

  He said you do.

• 1:09:31Andrew Santino?

  His, his ex-wife Sheila, I told him, Dermer, I told him that I knocked her up and... I don't know, I had to tell him the truth.

• 1:09:40Speaker 06

  I mean, it's, it's the right thing to do, but you, you're keeping the kid?

• 1:09:44Andrew Santino?

  I told you we're gonna keep the kid, and John wants to know if, did everybody know about this?

• 1:09:51Speaker 06

  Uh huh. And wait, are, where, where are you guys right now?

• 1:09:56Andrew Santino?

  We're in my studio.

• 1:09:58Speaker 06

  Oh, nice.

• 1:09:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Speaker 06

  Nice. Is John doing whiskey? You guys just kicking it?

• 1:10:04Andrew Santino?

  He's doing whiskey.

• 1:10:06Speaker 06

  Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm just, uh, doing a little bit. Hell yeah, dog.

• 1:10:12Andrew Santino?

  Alright buddy, I'll, I'll talk to you later.

• 1:10:14Speaker 06

  This is me.

• 1:10:15Andrew Santino?

  Night.

• 1:10:25Andrew Santino?

  Some bits don't work.

• 1:10:31Speaker 05

  We said, we said cer- you know what I mean?

• 1:10:34Andrew Santino?

  Certain bits don't work.

• 1:10:35Speaker 05

  Certain bits don't work and certain bits just kind of fall flat.

• 1:10:38Andrew Santino?

  Fall flat, yeah.

• 1:10:39Speaker 05

  And I felt like the one about your neck actually did better.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  You know what?

• 1:10:47Andrew Santino?

  This happens, dude.

• 1:10:50Speaker 05

  And, and thank God they do. You know what I mean?

• 1:10:54Speaker 05

  Sometimes-

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you why.

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Andrew Santino?

  It makes the good ones better.

• 1:11:00Speaker 05

  You got Armus in it there?

• 1:11:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'll call Fred.

• 1:11:03Speaker 05

  Call, call Fred.

• 1:11:07Speaker 05

  There he is!

• 1:11:10Speaker 05

  Where are you? We're in Vancouver.

• 1:11:14Speaker 05

  I love that place!

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  Alright, we gotta go film, dude. I'll talk to you later. I love you. Bye, watch.

• 1:11:20Speaker 06

  Bye.

• 1:11:21Andrew Santino?

  Bye.

• 1:11:24Andrew Santino?

  I fucking hate that guy. I absolutely hate that guy. He directed my new special, do you know that? He directed my stand-up special? He's so not talented. I do that stuff because I feel so bad for him.

• 1:11:36Speaker 05

  You gotta do headouts, man.

• 1:11:37Andrew Santino?

  You like, you have to help these people out that don't help themselves. But if, the old saying is like, if you don't help yourself, how do you expect me to help you? But it's like, I feel like all I'm doing is helping people. McCone, you, Bobby. It's like every, I'm helping out everybody. I'm doing everything for everybody else. I don't have time for myself. And it's really a detriment on my mental health, more than anything. I feel like I'm falling farther and farther away from who I really am and what I really want to get to in this, in this life and where I'm supposed to be and things I'm supposed to be doing. And I don't even know how I'm gonna get back to, get back to center.

• 1:12:11Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 1:12:14Speaker 05

  Andrew.

• 1:12:17Speaker 05

  Andrew.

• 1:12:17Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 1:12:19Speaker 05

  Andrew.

• 1:12:20Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 1:12:21Speaker 05

  Andrew.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 1:12:23Speaker 05

  How'd you used to get back to center?

• 1:12:27Speaker 05

  Okay?

• 1:12:28Andrew Santino?

  By going to a coffee shop and watching you, doing crowd work.

• 1:12:30Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 1:12:33Speaker 05

  You know what they used to say?

• 1:12:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:36Speaker 05

  When times are toughest,

• 1:12:40Speaker 05

  run to those closest to you.

• 1:12:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:47Speaker 05

  And like McCone's like, probably like,

• 1:12:48Andrew Santino?

  He's seven feet away, yeah, maybe seven or eight feet away.

• 1:12:51Speaker 05

  Like right now, probably like, oh, like two and a half, so.

• 1:12:53Andrew Santino?

  But this is, he's.

• 1:12:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, he's probably like over there and, you know, maybe.

• 1:12:56Andrew Santino?

  But I'm much closer to him.

• 1:12:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I feel like, just based on that, you know what I mean, like the old saying, you know, it's just like.

• 1:13:02Andrew Santino?

  You know the old saying?

• 1:13:03Speaker 05

  Yeah. Let's say at the same time.

• 1:13:05Andrew Santino?

  Being green with greed will never make you.

• 1:13:10Speaker 05

  A steed.

• 1:13:11Andrew Santino?

  A steed.

• 1:13:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Andrew Santino?

  Meaning, being self consumed with money never is gonna make you a strong contender.

• 1:13:20Speaker 05

  Yup.

• 1:13:21Andrew Santino?

  On the farm.

• 1:13:21Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 1:13:24Speaker 05

  It's like, we, we almost forgot it because we haven't said it so.

• 1:13:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's like scrambled, my, my brain's like scrambled eggs lately.

• 1:13:32Andrew Santino?

  And the price of which is way too high.

• 1:13:35Andrew Santino?

  We gotta stop this. I have a message to the White House. Can I? Excuse me?

• 1:13:39Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:41Andrew Santino?

  Dear President.

• 1:13:43Andrew Santino?

  I forgot who's in there. I don't even know who's there.

• 1:13:45Speaker 05

  John, John, I guess you say John.

• 1:13:47Andrew Santino?

  John, Dear John.

• 1:13:48Speaker 05

  John.

• 1:13:49Andrew Santino?

  Dear John, it's me.

• 1:13:53Andrew Santino?

  We gotta, we gotta, you gotta cut it out. This stuff is expensive, life is tougher, and people are sad. I knocked up my old ex-best friend's ex-wife. And I'm gonna have to raise a fam- a second family. If you could lower the prices of stuff, that'd be super chill. It's gonna be hard enough.

• 1:14:13Andrew Santino?

  Plus, he doesn't know it, but my old ex-best friend, who's ex-wife I'm currently with, he's about to be evicted from his apartment. Times are gonna be harder for him. Please help us out.

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  And I love your comedy. Huge fan of your stand-up. I love everyone who you do tour with and stuff like that, like every time you guys have a press conference.

• 1:14:35Andrew Santino?

  Really good stuff.

• 1:14:36Speaker 05

  Love this stuff. Good material.

• 1:14:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Some of the best.

• 1:14:40Speaker 05

  Yeah. Truly.

• 1:14:42Andrew Santino?

  Some of the best.

• 1:14:42Speaker 05

  Truly. When you're writing material with Bobby...

• 1:14:46Andrew Santino?

  I'm not, we don't, he doesn't write material with me.

• 1:14:49Speaker 05

  He's, he said he writes all your material.

• 1:14:52Andrew Santino?

  Bobby said that?

• 1:14:53Speaker 05

  Yeah. Said he writes all your material.

• 1:14:56Andrew Santino?

  He's, he's never written any of my jokes.

• 1:15:00Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't even, he doesn't even write his jokes. Someone else writes his material for him. We know that.

• 1:15:06Speaker 05

  McCone? Code?

• 1:15:07Andrew Santino?

  No, no.

• 1:15:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:15:09Andrew Santino?

  Cone does punch up.

• 1:15:11Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:15:12Andrew Santino?

  But Bobby has a secret writing crew. I mean, I don't know if we should expose him, but it's like, yeah, he has a bunch of people that write jokes for him.

• 1:15:18Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:15:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:21Speaker 05

  That's no problem. I, I got a ghostwriter.

• 1:15:23Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:25Andrew Santino?

  Do you care to share?

• 1:15:27Speaker 05

  No one cares about him, trust me.

• 1:15:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 1:15:29Speaker 05

  Dave? No.

• 1:15:30Andrew Santino?

  His name's Dave?

• 1:15:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, Dave.

• 1:15:33Andrew Santino?

  That's your ghostwriter, Dave?

• 1:15:34Speaker 05

  Ghostwriter Dave, yeah.

• 1:15:36Andrew Santino?

  Do you pay him?

• 1:15:37Speaker 05

  Well, why would I pay him?

• 1:15:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, how do you, how does he get compensated for writing all this material?

• 1:15:43Speaker 05

  I take the material.

• 1:15:46Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:15:47Speaker 05

  And I say, "Thank you."

• 1:15:49Andrew Santino?

  You tap him on the head and say that?

• 1:15:50Speaker 05

  Well, he's never had that in his whole life.

• 1:15:52Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:15:52Speaker 05

  So it's like any kind of anything you say to him.

• 1:15:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:55Speaker 05

  He's like, "Ha, ha, ha," you know?

• 1:15:56Andrew Santino?

  He's like a dog.

• 1:15:57Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:58Andrew Santino?

  Like a little dog.

• 1:15:59Speaker 05

  Yeah. I just text him like, "Hey, need a joke? I need a game for the podcast." He's like, "Oh, I'm not doing anything, trust me."

• 1:16:05Andrew Santino?

  He's not doing anything?

• 1:16:06Speaker 05

  He ain't doing anything.

• 1:16:09Andrew Santino?

  This feels a little... Like you're wielding your power.

• 1:16:12Speaker 05

  Yes! Yeah, Tito, now you get it!

• 1:16:16Andrew Santino?

  Right, so, but the power dynamic's a little bit dangerous, because then he could get in a situation where he could sue you.

• 1:16:22Speaker 05

  How's he gonna do that?

• 1:16:25Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I guess I don't know if he has the resources. I mean, you don't. You don't give him enough, so.

• 1:16:30Speaker 05

  I don't. He's gonna, he would have to find the key.

• 1:16:33Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:35Speaker 05

  Know the combination.

• 1:16:36Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:16:37Speaker 05

  Get himself out of the cage. Then he'd have to like, he's gonna be so thirsty, so he'd have to like, then like, find the fridge.

• 1:16:43Andrew Santino?

  Do you feed him at all?

• 1:16:44Speaker 05

  Find water. What's that?

• 1:16:45Andrew Santino?

  Do you give him any food or drink?

• 1:16:48Speaker 05

  I give him, what do they say? Knowledge is food. That's what they say.

• 1:16:53Andrew Santino?

  Knowledge is power.

• 1:16:54Speaker 05

  Knowledge is power.

• 1:16:56Andrew Santino?

  Power.

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  And power is food.

• 1:16:59Andrew Santino?

  Food is power.

• 1:16:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's what it is.

• 1:17:00Andrew Santino?

  Got it, yeah.

• 1:17:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, so it's kinda like, I, I give him like little tits and tip bids and stuff like that.

• 1:17:05Andrew Santino?

  You'd give him tits?

• 1:17:05Speaker 05

  I give him tits. I gave him, I mean, he didn't tell you that?

• 1:17:09Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:17:10Speaker 05

  I paid for his breasts.

• 1:17:12Andrew Santino?

  You paid for his breast implants?

• 1:17:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh, well then this seems like this is fair.

• 1:17:16Speaker 05

  That's what I said.

• 1:17:16Andrew Santino?

  Write the jokes then, Tits.

• 1:17:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, come on, dude. Let me see those knockers and those bits. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:22Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:17:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:23Andrew Santino?

  Right. You, you recently took a trip, a transatlantic trip on a train.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:30Andrew Santino?

  That's, you went almost all the way around the world?

• 1:17:33Speaker 05

  On a train.

• 1:17:34Andrew Santino?

  Where did you stop? Like, where are some of your key stops?

• 1:17:37Speaker 05

  Well, I didn't wanna stop.

• 1:17:38Andrew Santino?

  You just wanna stay on the train the whole time?

• 1:17:40Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:17:41Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 1:17:42Speaker 05

  It's, it's, it's another, so, for everyone listening. If you're taking notes. They can't kick you off a waymo? And they cannot kick you off a train.

• 1:17:51Andrew Santino?

  I think they can.

• 1:17:52Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:17:52Andrew Santino?

  They can't?

• 1:17:53Speaker 05

  No. They're very slow. There's like two people who work on a train. And one's at one end, one's at the other end.

• 1:18:00Andrew Santino?

  So one is just a driver and one is the guy just at the caboose?

• 1:18:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:04Andrew Santino?

  And do you hide?

• 1:18:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, certain times, like, you know, when the train's kinda stopping, you kinda gotta like, there's like an underneath thing and...

• 1:18:12Andrew Santino?

  No, so you are evading trying to get caught. It's not like you can just stay there the whole time.

• 1:18:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, but if you...

• 1:18:20Speaker 05

  See, Tito, if you wanna do something, you just have to wanna do it.

• 1:18:25Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:18:26Speaker 05

  And then you get to do it.

• 1:18:27Andrew Santino?

  If you wanna do it, you can do it.

• 1:18:28Speaker 05

  If you want to, you could do it.

• 1:18:29Andrew Santino?

  Anything.

• 1:18:30Speaker 05

  Anything.

• 1:18:31Andrew Santino?

  Like, what if you wanted to rob a bank?

• 1:18:34Speaker 05

  If you want to, you could do it.

• 1:18:35Andrew Santino?

  Have you done that?

• 1:18:36Speaker 05

  I'm not gonna rob a bank. I would be the worst big robber, see, Tito.

• 1:18:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we would, yeah.

• 1:18:42Speaker 05

  There would be almost nothing I could do.

• 1:18:44Andrew Santino?

  Easily identified.

• 1:18:46Speaker 05

  The sketch artists would be like, "Uh, what'd he look like?" They're gonna be like, "Uh, green." They're like, "I might have the guy." And then they curb it, you know, like, they would know.

• 1:18:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it'd be you.

• 1:18:55Speaker 05

  Me with a mask, they're like, "Hmm, did you see his eyes?" They're like, "Oh, you mean those red, yellowy, scary things?"

• 1:19:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:02Speaker 05

  Like, poking out of his mask were two ears. I'd be on every telephone pole in the valley. Everyone'd be like, "That guy lives in Reseda, I know who that is."

• 1:19:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  You've been living in the same apartment since I've known you.

• 1:19:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've only ever had one apartment.

• 1:19:16Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you wanna, you know, you can upgrade. You could get something a little bit nicer, a little bit more comfortable. I mean, you have a little bit more money now.

• 1:19:21Speaker 05

  I'm very comfortable.

• 1:19:22Andrew Santino?

  You are?

• 1:19:23Speaker 05

  I'm just a creature of habit. Like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna do what you did. You know, where you just have, like, a house,

• 1:19:30Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:19:31Speaker 05

  you know, with a family in it, you know, out in the Philippines. And then, like, another house with, like, another family.

• 1:19:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:38Speaker 05

  I don't wanna have, like, all these secret houses, all these secret families.

• 1:19:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  I wanna have one place that's mine. And I go to it, it feels safe. And once that door closes...

• 1:19:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're locked in.

• 1:19:53Speaker 05

  I'm locked in.

• 1:19:54Andrew Santino?

  Well, 'cause you don't, I know, I've told you, you gotta get that fixed. You, it's, your door shouldn't lock from the, from the outside. That's silly, it should lock from the inside.

• 1:20:02Speaker 05

  But that's kinda like, that's part of the arrangement. It's like, I, I go in my place, I do the three dox, my landlord comes over. You hear like...

• 1:20:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I know. Locking you into your own place is very odd, but, but whatever makes you happy.

• 1:20:17Speaker 05

  It's rent-controlled, man.

• 1:20:18Andrew Santino?

  I get it.

• 1:20:18Speaker 05

  It's Los Angeles, you know?

• 1:20:19Andrew Santino?

  But having a no-bed, no-bath is very odd. You don't have a bathroom. It's not even a studio, it's...

• 1:20:27Andrew Santino?

  I mean, John, it's a closet. It's literally a closet.

• 1:20:31Speaker 05

  It's a, it's online, it's a cozy studio.

• 1:20:40Andrew Santino?

  It's a closet without a bathroom.

• 1:20:41Speaker 05

  It's a cozy studio.

• 1:20:42Andrew Santino?

  It's a closet. It's a stor- a half-storage for your landlord.

• 1:20:47Speaker 05

  It, yeah, I mean, it's, it is part of the U-Haul facility. I mean, that's the name of my building. It's the U-Haul storage facility.

• 1:20:56Andrew Santino?

  That's a storage facility. It's not an apartment building.

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  It's a closet, dude. You're in a storage closet.

• 1:21:01Speaker 05

  Santino was the one who said, "Home is where you make it."

• 1:21:04Andrew Santino?

  I said, "Home is," I said, "No," I said, "Home is where the heart is," and this is heartless for him to let you live in a closet.

• 1:21:14Speaker 05

  So, what, what should I do, Santino? I mean, what, what, I mean, you know, I'm, I'm in a weird position where it's like I, I've signed this lease.

• 1:21:21Andrew Santino?

  For how long?

• 1:21:22Speaker 05

  For, uh, what's the word? Per- perpetu- perpetuity?

• 1:21:26Andrew Santino?

  Perpetuity? You signed a lease in perpetuity? No, perpetuity.

• 1:21:31Speaker 05

  Perpetu- perpetu-.

• 1:21:31Andrew Santino?

  Perpetuity. In perpetuity.

• 1:21:36Andrew Santino?

  Perpetuity.

• 1:21:36Speaker 05

  Pepperoni.

• 1:21:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:37Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:21:39Andrew Santino?

  So, you'll be living there forever?

• 1:21:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I mean, that, think of it this way. Like, everyone's constantly walking around this city. Just go, "Where are we gonna live? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do next?" You know? McCone was coming in here like, "I gotta move. I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do." It's like, I don't have that problem, man.

• 1:21:53Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Are these great?

• 1:21:55Andrew Santino?

  Not yet.

• 1:21:56Speaker 05

  No, because I don't have those kind of stresses. I know exactly where I'm gonna live.

• 1:22:00Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:22:01Speaker 05

  Forever.

• 1:22:01Andrew Santino?

  What's your rent? How much?

• 1:22:04Speaker 05

  I mean, I, I don't, I don't really have to pay too much.

• 1:22:09Andrew Santino?

  Nothing?

• 1:22:10Speaker 05

  Well, it's like, I, I look after everyone else in the, in the building. I'm kinda like the building manager.

• 1:22:15Andrew Santino?

  You're like the super.

• 1:22:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:17Andrew Santino?

  But there's no other residents?

• 1:22:19Speaker 05

  Well, there's, I mean, there's other apartments. There's like a bunch of one-bedroom apartments. You know, everyone's got, you know, there's some that have like multiple mattresses stacked up in there.

• 1:22:28Andrew Santino?

  Those are storage units, huh?

• 1:22:29Speaker 05

  And some have like a, uh, uh,

• 1:22:30Andrew Santino?

  They don't live there.

• 1:22:30Speaker 05

  You know, kinda like a, like a bunch of like tchotchke things. Like this, this one woman who lives down from me, she's got this bunch of trophies. Like all these old dolls, American Girl dolls. She's got a bunch of those.

• 1:22:42Andrew Santino?

  Those are storage units.

• 1:22:43Speaker 05

  Those are kids, yeah. And so, I just kinda live amongst a bunch of people and I kinda watch theirs. And because nothing ever gets stolen, everything's always kept nice, everyone has their locks and their check-in thing.

• 1:22:57Andrew Santino?

  You're a security guard at a U-Haul storage facility.

• 1:23:00Speaker 05

  I live nights. I start living at like 11:30 PM and I stop living there. You know, sometimes it's more, it just depends like when like they'll come off and someone else will relieve me and they'll, they'll live there.

• 1:23:17Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:23:19Speaker 05

  Um, and they'll go to my job, you know?

• 1:23:21Andrew Santino?

  The insurance job.

• 1:23:22Speaker 05

  The insurance job and work at my job.

• 1:23:23Andrew Santino?

  Coffee shop.

• 1:23:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Andrew Santino?

  To do kinda like-

• 1:23:25Speaker 05

  And then at night, no, that's what I'm doing, my stand-up job in between.

• 1:23:28Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:23:28Speaker 05

  I'm doing some spots in between, so I'm doing life insurance, spots at the coffee shop, doing comedy, and then at night, I'm living and protecting everyone and that's why I get like three to four minutes of sleep.

• 1:23:44Speaker 05

  And that's-

• 1:23:45Andrew Santino?

  I'm concerned, but I, you know, there's nothing I can do about it.

• 1:23:53Speaker 05

  I mean-

• 1:23:54Andrew Santino?

  You're fine. You're fine. Things are fine.

• 1:23:57Speaker 05

  I, I, I feel fine.

• 1:23:58Andrew Santino?

  You should.

• 1:24:00Speaker 05

  Dude, I feel fine.

• 1:24:02Andrew Santino?

  Are you sure?

• 1:24:03Speaker 05

  I feel, I feel, I feel fine, man.

• 1:24:06Andrew Santino?

  Are you sure?

• 1:24:07Speaker 05

  I feel fine.

• 1:24:08Andrew Santino?

  Okay. Okay. John?

• 1:24:11Speaker 05

  I feel, no, hey, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna break.

• 1:24:14Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna break?

• 1:24:15Speaker 05

  I'm not ready to break, you know? I'm fine.

• 1:24:17Andrew Santino?

  You're fine.

• 1:24:18Speaker 05

  Dude, I'm fine.

• 1:24:18Andrew Santino?

  It's fine.

• 1:24:19Speaker 05

  I'm fine.

• 1:24:19Andrew Santino?

  It's okay.

• 1:24:19Speaker 05

  And I'm fine.

• 1:24:20Andrew Santino?

  It's alright.

• 1:24:20Speaker 05

  And I'm fine and everything's fine. Everything in my life is good.

• 1:24:22Andrew Santino?

  Do your breathing exercises.

• 1:24:22Speaker 05

  Dude, I came on this podcast and I'm here to tell you that everything's going really well.

• 1:24:25Andrew Santino?

  Do your breathing exercises.

• 1:24:27Speaker 05

  Everything's going really well, dude. Everything's going very good and it's been good.

• 1:24:30Andrew Santino?

  John.

• 1:24:30Speaker 05

  And I'm honestly fine. And I think about it, I'm just like, things are going well and I love what I'm doing and I love my life and things are really fun and I just, I absolutely, yeah, absolutely, it's been so fun and I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go.

• 1:24:45Andrew Santino?

  Well, I guess that's the... Is that the... I guess that's the episode with John Goblikon.

• 1:24:54Andrew Santino?

  We usually do a one-word, one phrase at the end of the episode, but I... he's not...

• 1:24:57Speaker 05

  Help! In here, we pour whiskey.

• 1:25:07Speaker 05

  Oh! It's a hell of a nap.

• 1:25:11Speaker 05

  Where'd Tito go?

• 1:25:15Andrew Santino?

  Hey!

• 1:25:16Speaker 05

  Oh!

• 1:25:17Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing here, dude?

• 1:25:18Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:25:19Andrew Santino?

  Get out of here!

• 1:25:19Speaker 05

  Okay, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!

• 1:25:21Andrew Santino?

  Get out!

• 1:25:22Speaker 05

  Okay!

• 1:25:22Andrew Santino?

  Jesus, dude!

• 1:25:24Speaker 03

  Who are that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:25:26Andrew Santino?

  It's dirty and ginger.

• 1:25:28Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse! Ginger's... oh, hell no! This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.