Ep 621 - Landlubbers

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello. TGIF everybody. We got the D. A. W. G. Z. back together. Hope you all had a good week. Just choppin it up really. We talk a lot of underwater type stuff. Ask yourself are you a salty dog/ limey, or an LL? Let us know in the comments below. Have a good weekend everyone. Please enjoy. God Bless. Use code DRENCHED at https://BlueChew.com to get 10% OFF + Free Overnight Shipping on your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wild Wild West.

• 0:01Matt McCusker?

  Hello.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  Hello. Coming to you live on a bright and beautiful Thursday.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  Wow, it's Thursday.

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  Thursday. Thursday might be my favorite day, new favorite day of the week.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  Really?

• 0:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  What's that? What's that about?

• 0:14Matt McCusker?

  I love the week.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  You're just getting ready for the weekend.

• 0:16Matt McCusker?

  I, here's the thing, reverse. I love the week.

• 0:18Speaker 00

  Reverse, reverse.

• 0:19Matt McCusker?

  Reverse. I, the week is my new, that's, the week's my shit.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:23Matt McCusker?

  The weekend is like, it's cool.

• 0:24Speaker 00

  It's because you're working on a weekend.

• 0:26Matt McCusker?

  I'm working on the weekend, exactly, but the week.

• 0:28Speaker 00

  The usual. You way off in the deep end.

• 0:30Matt McCusker?

  I am, man. I have my nice little routine all week, Monday through Friday. My routine, if you could just trap me in glass and let me do my routine every day, put me in the zoo, I'm fine.

• 0:40Speaker 00

  I'm so excited about my routine. As soon as, as soon as I woke up today.

• 0:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  Drove to Starbucks, hit the Xbox.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  Perfect, perfect.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  I'm back. Keep an eye, see if the Rens are back. I don't know if they are.

• 0:52Matt McCusker?

  Oh no, really?

• 0:52Speaker 00

  I got in late last night. I don't know if the Rens are back. God knows what the mayor's done. He probably ate them.

• 0:57Matt McCusker?

  He fried them up?

• 0:58Speaker 00

  That fucking dickhead. I don't know if he'd fry them, Matt, I'm not.

• 1:03Matt McCusker?

  He's sneaking guys in for a bird fry?

• 1:05Speaker 00

  Yeah. There's been some people here.

• 1:08Matt McCusker?

  You gotta look out for little signs of people's laws, might be advertising a bird fry.

• 1:15Speaker 00

  I don't think he knew I was coming home. Door's locked. Uh, he parked me in and he was in Virginia.

• 1:23Matt McCusker?

  Dang. She's still in VA right now?

• 1:25Speaker 00

  I think he's down Virginia way.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  What a fucking dick.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:29Matt McCusker?

  He parked you. Where's his keys?

• 1:31Speaker 00

  Parked me in, his keys.

• 1:33Matt McCusker?

  Under a pile of comey clothes?

• 1:34Speaker 00

  Yeah. It was at a lady's house.

• 1:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh no, so you had to do, so your routine got disturbed. You had to go now run unnecessary errands, dude?

• 1:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:44Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I'm level 10 angry. As soon as an unnecessary errand disturbs sanctity of my routine, I am fucking livid.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Tried to find my gamer chair. It's back at his desk. Every monitor on, game paused.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Guy'll leave for a week, just leave shit on.

• 2:01Matt McCusker?

  That is tight though, on, on his tour, he can hold down. I paused my game for this, so.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  He did pause his game for this.

• 2:06Matt McCusker?

  He pauses game, pausing your game and leaving for five days is crazy. Like it's an intent.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  It has auto resumed, dude. It'll go back.

• 2:14Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 2:15Speaker 00

  He's just a dickhead.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Christ.

• 2:20Matt McCusker?

  He pauses game for this. That's crazy. Five day pause. It was probably for real like nineteen dollars in electricity. Just to hold this game.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Seven, he's got monitors. There's like three computer towers. I walk back there. I am a dad when I walk back there. I'm furious. I walk back and go, god damn, look at all this shit. Electricity bill is going through the fucking roof.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  If the internet's slow at all, I blame him. Everything. He gets blamed for everything.

• 2:53Matt McCusker?

  I remember my parents would bug on the electricity. It was like once a quarter.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  It's a nickel.

• 2:58Matt McCusker?

  They fucking, they pasted it to the wall one time. I remember being like, I don't give a fuck. Why are you acting like I care? I remember it was on the wall near the basement steps. Like, yo, turn off the basement lights.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Turn them all off.

• 3:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just electricity bill. I was like, oh, okay. Just twelve being like, whoa, holy shit. I should probably think about this.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I thought, I thought it was a massive charge.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  It's for real. Got to be a dollar a month. But it does piss you off when you go, turn the fucking video game off.

• 3:26Matt McCusker?

  I know. That's crazy.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  But you couldn't, you couldn't save back then, dude. You had to leave it on.

• 3:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's running old programs.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  Everybody was pausing their game for this back in the day.

• 3:34Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 3:35Speaker 00

  You couldn't save, dude. Who had a memory card?

• 3:37Matt McCusker?

  I know. And then there's, you know, someone racing your, your game off the memory card, but their game, that's, that's, should be up there with treason.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  That is treasonous.

• 3:46Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  That's treasonous.

• 3:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm telling you, it happened to me. It's still to this day. It's why I don't really play video games like that. Red Dead Redemption, it was a, I was a week of hard work, eight hour days. Someone erased my shit off my brother's video game. I remember, I remember coming, checking and being like,

• 4:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:05Matt McCusker?

  And just being like sad for like three days and being like, I'm never opening myself up to that possibility ever again.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, you have to shield yourself.

• 4:12Matt McCusker?

  Dude, ten percent into Red Dead Redemption he raced to.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  That's fucking seven hours.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  The, uh, so this, yesterday, just got back from Nashville. I went down there to Titan U. It was very nice.

• 4:25Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  Um, I was gonna take my nephew down to Texas's little kids camp, but then Kittle was like, let him, he can run routes with us and work out. It was.

• 4:35Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  It was wonderful. The Ant-Man was out. It took Phil and Ant-Man to Nashville.

• 4:39Matt McCusker?

  To the Titan University?

• 4:40Speaker 00

  And, yeah, it was, but yesterday was the best part, cause we, I flew back to Texas. They flew back to Harrisburg. Their flight got delayed in Chicago. About five hours, six hours. Phil and Ant-Man, dude. He's seventy, Ant-Man's seven. First off, I haven't hung out with a fucking seven-year-old. I didn't know they didn't shut the fuck up for one minute.

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  He's seven now?

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  Seven and a half, Shrek one.

• 5:07Matt McCusker?

  True, yeah, you gotta, you gotta check that. Bro, they don't, they don't shut the fuck up. No.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  I had headphones in and he just sits across from me, just talking to me.

• 5:15Matt McCusker?

  What was he droning on about?

• 5:17Speaker 00

  He, he can't believe I'm famous. It's all he talks about. And now that, now that I'm, now that I'm friends with Cody Woads, he loves Cody Woads.

• 5:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they pick one thing and it just.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  Cody Woads. And all day, he just goes, Uncle Shane, what do you think Cody Woads is doing? I'm like, I don't know. He goes, have you met Sammy Zane? I'm like, I don't, fuck it, I don't know. He's like, have you met the Usos, the Usos, brother, the Usos? I'm like, I think I have. What'd they say? I don't know, they said hi.

• 5:51Matt McCusker?

  You should probably be talking about you, man.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  I do say that. And that's the, that's the biggest mistake. I've made that. He's like, did they really? What'd they say about me? When are they gonna talk about me? What do they say about me? He doesn't shut the fuck up. And I was like, Ant, talk to Phil. And my dad was like, don't fucking have him talk to me. You guys.

• 6:09Matt McCusker?

  Ant, ask him about, uh.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  The wrestlers.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  Fucking twelve hours.

• 6:15Matt McCusker?

  He's just punishing you.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  He did it non-stop, dude.

• 6:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they won't stop.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  They won't stop fucking talking. I had to fucking, I had to cool down my ass. She was like, dude, I'm six and a half, right? I'm like, bro, you're not even fucking close to six and a half. Don't, don't come at me like that. You're maybe six and a quarter, not even.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  Definitely not six and a half.

• 6:34Matt McCusker?

  You're a couple months shy of six and a quarter. Don't, don't be.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  I've actually had that argument with a girlfriend.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Yo, I'm six and a half, right?

• 6:42Matt McCusker?

  You're not even close to six and a half.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  You're three, dude.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  A couple of years ago, I told the story about how I once spent my last nine dollars on a Bud Light during an Eagles game at The Link.

• 6:56Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  I really did. I was sitting up there. It was with Big Jay and Soder.

• 7:00Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  And I had to sit with Jay's family in the upper decks. I had nine dollars on my card. I got one Bud Light.

• 7:07Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Uh, anyway, my friends at Bud Light found the clip, and since then, we've been working on a way to bring the story full circle when I perform at The Link. Uh, after the show, fans 21 and over can visit participating bars in Philly for a Bud Light on us. Fans can visit bars in Packer Park, South Philly, Logan Square, Spring Garden, and Center City after the show for a Bud Light on us. Free Bud Light, dude. Uh, that's it.

• 7:32Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, but, uh,

• 7:35Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Just those two.

• 7:37Matt McCusker?

  Stock is crazy.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Phil and Ant-Man together is the funniest combo. Phil takes him to a bar. Ant-Man just sits next to him and asks, I mean, Ant-Man's going through exactly what I went through. And then I did it to Ant-Man. I took Ant to the bar and he would just watch me drink. And I was like, we're statily into this game, alright? Halftime, he's like, okay, can we please leave? I'm like, Ant, just drink to Shirley Temple. Shut up.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  I let him run around the bar.

• 8:06Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  Don't even, don't even watch him.

• 8:08Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Just throwing shit. He was, they had a pop a shot. He was just fucking launching balls around him.

• 8:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you eventually do give up and just let your kids just run around. You're like, I, I can't, I can't possibly dedicate every single brain cell every second.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  Somebody takes him, I'll, I'll be in my Liam Neeson shit.

• 8:26Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 8:26Speaker 00

  I'll get him back.

• 8:27Matt McCusker?

  You will. They'll only be taken for a little bit.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'll go.

• 8:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, it's also, yeah, I, I get, there's a lot of Amber Alerts down here. But despite, it's every five fucking seconds.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  The lads are.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  Oh, dude.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  The lads hit the Amber Alert left and right, dude.

• 8:43Matt McCusker?

  Foos, bro.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Foos go wild with their Amber Alerts, dude.

• 8:47Matt McCusker?

  Dude, for real. So many Amber Alerts.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  Come on, should we say Amber in fucking, I know it's a name, but it's also a color.

• 8:55Matt McCusker?

  Amber. I wonder how you do say Amber. Amberdo.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  That's a good guess.

• 9:00Matt McCusker?

  Yellow.

• 9:02Matt McCusker?

  Kind of like yellow, but.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  Armbar.

• 9:04Matt McCusker?

  Armbar. Damn, the armbars.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  The armbar alert, dude. Armbar alert.

• 9:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I wonder what what's up with the fucking.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  Foods go wild, dude.

• 9:13Matt McCusker?

  Really hot potato with the Ninos, dude. It's crazy.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  It's a real hot potato, dude. They do. Also, it's like three cities every day. Somebody in Houston takes them headed down San Antonio. They just fucking bounce around that triangle.

• 9:32Speaker 00

  My Nino. Silver Nissan, dude.

• 9:37Matt McCusker?

  I think that's what you ever see the spikes that come out of the rims? That's probably to protect. Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 00

  They're in the armbar?

• 9:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, people try to take your Ninos in Houston. You're like, no. No, you can't get close to me.

• 9:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, the food is fucking hot potato. They're Ninos. It's every fucking 10 minutes, dude.

• 9:59Matt McCusker?

  Brrrr. Brrrr. Yeah, they're just fucking.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Ladies and gentlemen, the foo has been taking everybody beyond fucking guard, dude. There's a foo on the loose.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  And their car breaks down.

• 10:16Matt McCusker?

  Never seen that many fucking AMR alerts anywhere. Anyway, I have heard abduction's big here, though. Yeah, so.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  We can tell, dude. It's not.

• 10:28Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's also like, dude, like, think about it. If you're in the business of snagging kids and forcing them into whatever kind of slavery you want. You're right at the finish line here.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:38Matt McCusker?

  Three hour drive. You get the bag. Do you know how fucking easy it is to snag a kid? You just said so yourself. If you I'm like, this is where you want to do it. I'm saying I wouldn't. I think it's terrible.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Obviously.

• 10:48Matt McCusker?

  But this is you're right next to the fucking finish line. If you snagged a kid in New York. I could get a Canada way.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  A Corumba.

• 10:55Matt McCusker?

  A Corumba for sure.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  Good luck.

• 10:56Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it's dude, I it's I'm telling you, all the moms I talk to are always like, I swear someone was watching me. They chalked my tires in the parking lot.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, we've talked. I don't.

• 11:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I'm ready. I stay ready. I said, let it happen. It's one of my, it's one of my many fantasies.

• 11:11Speaker 00

  I can't wait to answer the phone and go, who is this?

• 11:14Matt McCusker?

  I'm talking about stopping in progress.

• 11:18Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, let me sound the authorities.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  Every single person just goes.

• 11:24Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ. Was it gonna rain? Oh, a fucking kid.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, oh great.

• 11:28Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ, that is so loud.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  Where'd they go? There's a flood 400 miles away. Yeah, oh, okay.

• 11:35Matt McCusker?

  Which actually is stopping five Ambler alerts temporarily, so.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  That flood here that took those bums.

• 11:42Matt McCusker?

  Wait, the bums got taken?

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Couple of bums got fucking in.

• 11:44Matt McCusker?

  No!

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, there was a, like, last year.

• 11:47Matt McCusker?

  What? They fell in?

• 11:48Speaker 00

  Wasn't a couple... There was a flood here.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  The summon camp one was horrendous, but...

• 11:55Matt McCusker?

  But some of the bums fell into the lazy river?

• 11:58Speaker 00

  I think a lazy river took some bums.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Like, there's a flash lazy, there's a flash lazy river warning. Some of the bums didn't get the alert.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  Just while asleep, just.

• 12:10Matt McCusker?

  No!

• 12:13Speaker 00

  It's, it's, it's not funny.

• 12:15Matt McCusker?

  There is something about...

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Fucking hilarious, dude. Being fucking wasted and then waking up in a river.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  I swear some...

• 12:28Matt McCusker?

  Oh, having the water creep up on the bums is kind of nice. I didn't, I didn't hear about that.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  I don't know, I hope, I hope the bums survive, but...

• 12:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, we didn't get the...

• 12:41Speaker 00

  They got hit with it, yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, the Shoal Creek flooded in about a year ago. Uh, four individuals experiencing homelessness were caught in a danage, dangerous drainage culvert.

• 12:55Matt McCusker?

  Ooh!

• 12:55Speaker 02

  So they got caught up in the...

• 12:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that was a lazy river?

• 12:58Speaker 02

  It was like Pennywise.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  Did they make it?

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Two were rescued by a man and a woman.

• 13:04Matt McCusker?

  Damn, one turned into a ninja turtle?

• 13:10Speaker 02

  They found two, and then a man and a woman tragically drowned.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  I'm just trying to...

• 13:17Matt McCusker?

  Just finding the silver lining. True. Cause it is a tragedy. That is sad.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  You like to imagine their lovers maybe.

• 13:24Matt McCusker?

  Perhaps, yeah.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  Like in Pompeii or whatever.

• 13:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  They died in the flood, yeah.

• 13:29Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Unfortunately, tragic.

• 13:31Matt McCusker?

  Ted. Well. D's and P's. D's and P's, the bees.

• 13:38Matt McCusker?

  It is sad. Oh, man. That's sorry, dude. The fact that it was fucking, getting sucked into the sewer.

• 13:50Matt McCusker?

  And then, just being, being homeless would be like, fucking, life can't get anywhere. Oh shit, I'm getting flushed down the toilet.

• 14:02Matt McCusker?

  Literally. It's fucking crazy.

• 14:13Matt McCusker?

  It is funny though, cause like, there is, you do, you are, you can be like, ah, you know, I can't handle this. I, I don't want to have anything to do with society, but it's like, you have to at least stay out of the waste management, like the water management system, like, at least get away from the stormwater drains, you know what I mean? It's, it is, it's, it's, it's everyone's responsibility to just watch out for the stormwater, man. Don't be in like one of the channels that could lead you down the sewer. Like, you gotta do that at least.

• 14:41Matt McCusker?

  It's less than on personal responsibility.

• 14:47Matt McCusker?

  But it's sad.

• 14:53Matt McCusker?

  Anyway. Oh.

• 15:01Matt McCusker?

  It's not good. Oh, but yes, for sure, someone getting flushed down. Their day, their day must have been fucking hilarious. Must have been like screaming at somebody on the street.

• 15:14Speaker 03

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• 16:12Speaker 03

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• 16:20Matt McCusker?

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• 16:59Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 17:01Matt McCusker?

  You're making fun of me for having an Idaho homeless day the other day. That was killing me, dude.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  You had a full fucking bum day.

• 17:09Matt McCusker?

  Fell off my fucking dirt bike, dude, right down to the white meat. Still, that was a week ago.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  That's nasty.

• 17:14Matt McCusker?

  Fell off my fucking bike, got chased by dogs, dude.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  He tried to talk to, yeah, explain what happened, unless you already have.

• 17:21Matt McCusker?

  I talked about it last week, but it was.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  Full fucking bum day.

• 17:24Matt McCusker?

  It was, dude, I didn't, I can't believe that.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  You're lucky it didn't rain, dude.

• 17:31Matt McCusker?

  I was primed up.

• 17:33Matt McCusker?

  I actually was riding my bike along a culvert, too. That could have gotten bad. At least that fucking bastard dog would have came with me. I would have fucking pulled him down, but you little, you betrayed me. I thought for sure the guy seemed friendly. I'm like, here we go. I'm gonna flex with my.

• 17:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, just wild pit bulls.

• 17:49Matt McCusker?

  Just a couple of wild pit bulls outside and I was like, hey.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  Was this before or after you fell off your bike?

• 17:53Matt McCusker?

  After.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  So you're bleeding.

• 17:54Matt McCusker?

  Bleeding.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  You go, it's time for me to tame some wild pit bulls.

• 17:57Matt McCusker?

  Bleeding, did get my pump. I did get my pump though.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  After the bleeding?

• 18:01Matt McCusker?

  After bleeding.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  A bloody pump.

• 18:02Matt McCusker?

  Bloody pump.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  You know, I like that. I'm not afraid to do that.

• 18:09Matt McCusker?

  I got a bloody pump and then I didn't go to the cold plunge. That would have been very dastardly.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  It would have been very mean.

• 18:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was like not doing that. So that was, I was, you know, also too, it was like, I don't want to attract any sharks to the water.

• 18:21Speaker 00

  True. I wonder if girls do that.

• 18:23Matt McCusker?

  I thought about it, dude. I, I was wondering that.

• 18:25Speaker 00

  On their period, just getting the public gyms fucking, yeah.

• 18:28Matt McCusker?

  I was wondering about that the other day, if they do that. I, I think they, they definitely swim.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  They definitely do.

• 18:34Matt McCusker?

  They definitely swim with their periods. That's, you know, talk about that. The, uh,

• 18:40Matt McCusker?

  maybe some sort of check in the public pool, but the little checkpoint.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, you just gotta go, you being fucking mean to everybody?

• 18:48Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  You're not swimming.

• 18:50Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I'm telling you, it's really the week before.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:52Matt McCusker?

  That's, oh boy, meanie, meanie, meanie before that. It's right before the period. Then the period, they're just like.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, that week leading up, you're like, fuck.

• 19:06Matt McCusker?

  It's the week.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  And every time it surprises me. And then there's always a moment where I go, oh.

• 19:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 00

  That's what this is.

• 19:12Matt McCusker?

  Yep. And then, you know, you're faced with the weird task where you have to be like, you're in like a different dimension and I can't go into this dimension with you.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  Normally it's like, you love when I play Xbox all day. You love when I don't take you out on dates.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  You love that I never left the house and drank.

• 19:34Matt McCusker?

  Hit the date night yesterday, actually.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  Nice. Where'd you go?

• 19:36Matt McCusker?

  Very hot date, uh, piscina.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Piscina?

• 19:39Matt McCusker?

  Piscina.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  You get any?

• 19:41Matt McCusker?

  Didn't get any piscina, actually, now they say that. But we didn't eat.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Must have been a good date though. You grubbed hard.

• 19:46Matt McCusker?

  We grubbed hard.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  Nothing worse than a fucking grub date.

• 19:49Matt McCusker?

  Grubbed very hard.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  It's time to try to reproduce.

• 19:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was, I was.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  I'm in no condition to mate.

• 19:56Matt McCusker?

  I was not.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  I've gotta fart.

• 19:57Matt McCusker?

  I've been farty lately. I've been so farty lately, dude. I've been.

• 20:01Speaker 00

  Farty me.

• 20:01Matt McCusker?

  I've been so, I, for real, I've been so farty. It's.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Farty next door, dude.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Why have you been so farting?

• 20:13Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I've been going ham on protein powder and I'm farting so much. And I choose to fart.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  Been around when Rogues fart. It's crazy, dude.

• 20:23Matt McCusker?

  I've pinned down the culprit. I'm like, oh, it's definitely four scoops of protein powder a day. And guess what? I won't stop. It's just, I've just become farts.

• 20:31Speaker 00

  Are you, are you still a cheesing?

• 20:35Matt McCusker?

  You mean a little dairy?

• 20:36Speaker 00

  Hitting the cheese?

• 20:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I hit a little cheese.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Cheese and protein?

• 20:40Matt McCusker?

  Yesterday, yeah, I had a little cheese protein combination. I'm trying, I'm waiting for my body to just get on board with the shit. It's like, come on, guys. We could be so powerful if we just kind of just.

• 20:50Speaker 00

  I think it makes you more powerful.

• 20:51Matt McCusker?

  I, I think so, but dude.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Protein and cheese farts?

• 20:53Matt McCusker?

  I have them. It's crazy. Ricotta cheese isn't as bad, but yeah, if I have some like shredded Mots, oh my God. Oh my God, some cheddar. And I do it. I, I know what's coming. I go, it's gonna be bad, but I'm gonna do it. So, yeah, I was, the other day I was, I was eating a burger. I said, oh, that's cheese on it. And she's like, just eat it. And I looked at her and said, alright.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  You made your bed.

• 21:17Matt McCusker?

  You said it.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  Now fart in it.

• 21:18Matt McCusker?

  You said.

• 21:22Matt McCusker?

  I sent her a thing on Instagram recently. I saw this cartoon, like an explainer video saying in medieval times, I don't know if it's true, but they said women would fart around guys to let them know like they liked them. It, it showed that a woman was like relaxing the strict kind of like.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  I think that kind of holds up.

• 21:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I was, you know, I sent it to her. I just, I don't even know why. I just like fired it off.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  Well, you like that yawn? That koala yawn?

• 21:45Matt McCusker?

  I really like that.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  I did some research on yawn last night, on yawning.

• 21:48Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 21:49Speaker 00

  Well, I was watching a show or no, I was reading.

• 21:51Matt McCusker?

  Trying so hard not to yawn right now, fuck.

• 21:52Speaker 00

  I was reading and it said yawn and I yawned immediately.

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's you just.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  If you read about yawns, you yawn.

• 21:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  And I, and I wanted to figure out what was going on there and nobody knows.

• 22:04Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 22:04Speaker 00

  No one really knows.

• 22:06Matt McCusker?

  That's fucked up.

• 22:07Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's a contagious, it's just a weird thing, yeah.

• 22:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  And animals, animals do it too.

• 22:14Matt McCusker?

  I've already, you're not fucking yawning again, you, oh fuck, I'm gonna yawn.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, everyone's yawning. Everyone listening to this is yawning now.

• 22:20Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Dude.

• 22:22Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck, I'm gonna yawn.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  I'm about to fucking yawn.

• 22:24Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck, you're gonna be yawning again?

• 22:27Speaker 00

  You can yawn from animals. You can look and see an animal yawn, and then you fucking yawn.

• 22:32Matt McCusker?

  My dogs get me for sure.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  It's hilarious.

• 22:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's really.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  You can make your dog yawn.

• 22:35Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, so there's no fucking way, I'm actually.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  I'll tell you, I'll tell you about it, cuz there's no real, uh.

• 22:41Matt McCusker?

  I thought there was one of those things they could claim like mirror neurons or some fucking bullshit. What the, what even is that, though?

• 22:47Speaker 00

  Exactly. They don't really know.

• 22:50Matt McCusker?

  Mirror neurons are the things that make you.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  Mirror neurons.

• 22:52Matt McCusker?

  They make you copy people's face.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  When you observe someone yawning, these specific brain cells fire, mirroring the other person's physical action and helping you subconsciously empathize with their state.

• 23:06Speaker 00

  Social bonding is nice.

• 23:07Matt McCusker?

  That's cool.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  Yawning is highly social. You are significantly more likely to catch a yawn from a close friend or family member than from a stranger, as it acts as a subtle display of empathy and connection. Sounds fucking lame to me. I don't believe that.

• 23:20Matt McCusker?

  I'm so embarrassed, I yawn twice.

• 23:23Speaker 00

  That's how much you like me. Group vigilance. Some evolutionary theories suggest contagious yawning synchronizes uh, the wakefulness and alertness of a group. If one person is feeling drowsy and yawns, the contagiousness spreads, subtly increasing the brain arousal and vigilance of the entire group to compensate.

• 23:40Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 23:41Speaker 00

  But no one really knows.

• 23:43Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 23:44Speaker 00

  But if you go to Yawn's Wikipedia page, there's a nice picture of a koala yawning.

• 23:48Matt McCusker?

  I liked that, that was a great one.

• 23:50Speaker 00

  I'm a big fan of that.

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  That was also, the pool was so, you hit me with the koala yawning, I said, where the fuck did you get this from?

• 23:55Speaker 00

  Last night.

• 23:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was crazy.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  I was laying in bed going, this is a great picture.

• 24:00Matt McCusker?

  That is a great picture.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  You take a look at it? Yawn Wikipedia?

• 24:02Matt McCusker?

  That is really good.

• 24:04Speaker 00

  You don't like that? Then I realize, I wanna watch compilations of animals yawning. I think that'd be nice.

• 24:10Matt McCusker?

  What'd you catch? You didn't see it yet?

• 24:11Speaker 00

  Reptiles yawn, that's fun. You ever see a snake yawn?

• 24:14Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 24:14Speaker 00

  It's pretty fun.

• 24:15Matt McCusker?

  I got a snake in my yard right now.

• 24:16Speaker 00

  You got a snake?

• 24:17Matt McCusker?

  For real, I do.

• 24:18Speaker 00

  What kind of snake is it?

• 24:19Matt McCusker?

  Uh, it's either a ribbon or a garter snake. Pro, I was pretty pumped to see. I saw it back there the other day and it was, like, it was going pretty nuts.

• 24:26Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 24:27Matt McCusker?

  So, yeah, I learned too, the, um, cause I was like, fuck, what kind of, like, hopefully it's not a poisonous snake. It's not. I think it's, is it a red on black friend to jack? Yellow on something kills you, so I forget. There's a cool snake.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  I was just trying to see if these guys were looking at the koala yawning.

• 24:44Matt McCusker?

  Were they really?

• 24:45Speaker 00

  I was hoping you guys would get pumped. Snake yawn's fun.

• 24:48Matt McCusker?

  What? Do they flicker their tongues?

• 24:55Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 24:57Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda sick.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Hold on.

• 25:00Matt McCusker?

  BS pump. It's terrifying, for real, for real. Yeah, they're scary. I actually had a dream about snakes last night. I was thinking about the snake in my backyard. I had a dream about all kinds of coral snakes attacking me. It was kinda fucking stressful.

• 25:10Speaker 00

  That's terrifying, in water?

• 25:11Matt McCusker?

  No, coral snakes, I think, can come on land.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  I wasn't sure if you're down there, scuba.

• 25:17Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 25:18Speaker 00

  And the snakes came out of the reef to get you.

• 25:19Matt McCusker?

  Oh, what the hell?

• 25:20Speaker 00

  That'd be terrifying.

• 25:21Matt McCusker?

  Those would be some electric eels.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  Those?

• 25:24Matt McCusker?

  It'd steal my voice and give it, steal my voice and give it to Ursula.

• 25:27Speaker 00

  Trousers.

• 25:28Matt McCusker?

  Wouldn't be able to po, I wouldn't be able to podcast. I'd be like the Little Mermaid.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Red and black.

• 25:39Matt McCusker?

  Friend to jack.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Friend to jack. Red touches yellow, kills a fellow.

• 25:42Matt McCusker?

  Kills a fellow, that's it. Yeah, well, really, it's the easier way to remember. If the stri, if the stripes are horizontal, like, wrapping around, like, little stripes, that's a poisonous snake. If you have a long stripe down the back, typically, friend to jack.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  I'm staying away from all of them.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't like any of them. I don't like none of them.

• 25:59Matt McCusker?

  The garter snake could be a good alliance, man, cause that, that way.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  It'd be nice to have in there.

• 26:02Matt McCusker?

  Kill the rodents, yeah. Get the rodents going. Fucking lizards too, man. Eating all my goddamn strawberries.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  Really?

• 26:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the fucking assholes. I have a million lizards in my back. I have so many lizards. Kinda sick, but.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  It is sick.

• 26:13Matt McCusker?

  Destroy, dude, destroy, every time I go back there, like, four of them, like, run away and I'm like, fucking, fucking jerks, wait till my snake fucking eats you guys.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's exciting stuff.

• 26:22Matt McCusker?

  He did scare me though. I thought it was a lizard. I was like, whoa.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're scary, every time.

• 26:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they, they get you. Dude, I, uh,

• 26:29Speaker 00

  Back runs.

• 26:30Matt McCusker?

  Started reading, um,

• 26:33Matt McCusker?

  Devils by Dostoevsky.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 26:36Matt McCusker?

  Bro, so good. And it's like, it's easy. I tried Crime and Punishment. You called it. You're like, you're gonna get bored and stop. I was like, no, I'm not.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  I hate the rules, though.

• 26:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I did get.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Tried, couldn't do it.

• 26:46Matt McCusker?

  I got bored and stopped. Devils is nice because it's written like a, uh, it just sounds like a gossipy neighbor just being like, dude, let me tell you about this guy. And he just sits there and gives the details on every single person and it's.

• 26:57Speaker 00

  Bees M Z.

• 26:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is. It is Bees M Z.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  You're sitting in boners with bees.

• 27:00Matt McCusker?

  It's Bees M Z.

• 27:01Speaker 00

  Bees Dostoevsky.

• 27:02Matt McCusker?

  It really feels like that. And the, uh, but it's, it's all about these like late 1800s Russian revolutionaries who are just really LARPing and just like, it's really weird. It's, it's like Russian progressives and how they, they have like no real beliefs and how they're just really trying to like pump themselves up.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Tale of Old Time.

• 27:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, pretty crazy. It was, I was, I'm reading it. It's like, dude, it's, it's so fun. Just the little things in there. Like there was one thing where, uh, like there's a, there was a thing in Russia called like the peasant. It was called the great something where like they started being like, yo, let's like give peasants rights because they were still, I guess, under like the monarchy. And they were like, no, dude peasants. Like it was like really cool back then to be like peasants are actually really cool. And I fucking love peasants, but these people had like no relation, like never even saw them. They're like, I think peasants are cool as fuck and they should be free to do whatever they do.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was like, uh, Marx and, uh,

• 27:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  Engels.

• 27:54Matt McCusker?

  Well, that came.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  They would try to go to factories.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 27:56Speaker 00

  And all the factory workers were like, dude,

• 27:58Matt McCusker?

  Fuck off.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  You guys are pussy.

• 28:00Matt McCusker?

  Well, the peasants loved the king. That was the thing though. They were like the king and the peasants were like, no, the king fucking rules. It's actually the guy, the advisors are fucking assholes. Yeah, the Russian peasants were like, they, they came to him like, yo, fuck the king. And they were like, dude, fuck you.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, beat the fuck out of you, dude.

• 28:15Matt McCusker?

  King fucking rule. Why are you talking about my king like that? This guy's like my whole life. That's all I do is work for this fucking guy. Don't tell me he sucks. What the hell are you doing to me? But yeah, there, there was a, there's, the characters are so funny because they are just like rich, like progressive, just, just absolute weasels constantly backstabbing each other. And there's this one part where this guy is like, this lady takes him in, just kind of puts him up to be tutor for her son. And she invites this like very high ranking military guy and he, he like references the peasant like uprising thing. And the dude who's her guest goes, Like quietly to himself, but loud enough so people can hear it. And the guy just like, "The fuck is your problem?" This is like a big problem for him. And the end, so like the general guy is like, "Fuck him."

• 29:00Matt McCusker?

  So they go to leave. He goes, "Hey, man, shake my hand." This is the thing they do in Russian society. If you don't like somebody, go to shake hands. Hit him with the two finger. You hit him with the two finger and then you make him shake your two fingers and it lets everyone know like, "Fuck this guy."

• 29:12Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 29:13Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 29:15Matt McCusker?

  That's making me laugh so hard. And then if you don't accept, it's like, dude, you gotta shake hands. He had no choice but to be like, "Motherfucker."

• 29:22Speaker 00

  Got me.

• 29:23Matt McCusker?

  Got my ass. It was only in front of one lady. Just was like, "Oh, you're not a gentleman? You're not gonna shake my hand?" He goes, "Fucking bitch." And he would go to his room and like cry and write letters.

• 29:34Speaker 00

  It's so funny.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  It's so funny. It might be, it's, it's really, it's been a really, uh, it's been a treat to read. This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. The number one brand for better sex. BlueChew just dropped something crazy. BlueChew Gold.

• 29:51Speaker 00

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• 29:52Matt McCusker?

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• 30:19Speaker 00

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• 30:25Matt McCusker?

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• 30:46Speaker 00

  We just want you guys to be rock hard.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  And this ad and products are advertised as intended for a United States audience. I don't know if you have to put that part, but whatever. Guys, this weekend, June 26th, 27th, I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama at the Starnome Comedy Club. Please come. August 7th, San Jose, 7th and 8th, San Jose, California. Then Spokane, Washington, August 13th.

• 31:07Matt McCusker?

  Then after that, Portland, Boston, Royal Oaks, Michigan, and a bunch of other places in the fall. Uh, go to mattmccusker.com for tickets, please.

• 31:17Speaker 00

  July 17th, at the link, in Philadelphia. Also, August in South Carolina, Charleston. I've been fired up on a book. Uh, it's called The Wager.

• 31:26Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  I think it's like a very popular history book, but it's, you'd like it.

• 31:31Matt McCusker?

  What's it about?

• 31:32Speaker 00

  Uh, it's just this expedition of, uh, ships that left England trying to sail around. The, I think their mission was to like, blow up a fucking Spanish port in like, Chile.

• 31:45Matt McCusker?

  Sick.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  But, it's pretty great. Shit goes south.

• 31:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:48Speaker 00

  Really sucks ass. Everyone gets scurvy. They couldn't figure out scurvy.

• 31:53Matt McCusker?

  Those like, boat missions back in the day were just cursed.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  It was unbelievable how bad it was. Every single fucking chapter, you're like, no way.

• 32:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 32:00Speaker 00

  I found out though, under the weather is, uh, cause they would put all the sick guys under

• 32:07Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  In the lower hold, to get them out of the weather. They're gonna, he's under the weather.

• 32:11Matt McCusker?

  Oh shit.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Now, every once in a while, I read something like that in a book, and then I'm not sure if that's right.

• 32:17Matt McCusker?

  Sounds pretty good.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  Why don't you guys give me a look at that?

• 32:19Matt McCusker?

  Can I, while you do that, I'm gonna give you another one, Cut to the Chase. Comes from the silent film era, where before, like, those Charlie Chaplin films, always for whatever reason,

• 32:28Speaker 00

  Cut to the chasing.

• 32:29Matt McCusker?

  Yep. They would always have an unnecessary, very boring, drawn-out love story, which is him just like, winking and raising his eyebrows, and then it's one guy who's like, dude, cut to the fucking chasing.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Get to the chase.

• 32:39Matt McCusker?

  This is bullshit. Let's just see him chase a guy around a pond.

• 32:42Speaker 00

  Under the weather? Fuck yeah.

• 32:44Matt McCusker?

  Let's go.

• 32:45Speaker 00

  Dude, also, scurvy. Blows. Your fucking teeth fall out, your hair falls out, everything blows, and you die.

• 32:53Matt McCusker?

  Ah.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  Just cause you don't have vitamin C.

• 32:55Matt McCusker?

  You have a fucking lemon?

• 32:56Speaker 00

  Cause you don't have a lemon, which is why they're called limeys.

• 32:58Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Limey, yeah.

• 33:01Matt McCusker?

  Cause they need the limes.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  I was thinking about it. You're a fucking land lover.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  You're a land lover.

• 33:07Matt McCusker?

  What the hell you dude, not true.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  You're a land lover.

• 33:11Matt McCusker?

  I've spent more time.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  When's the last time you went on the open sea?

• 33:13Matt McCusker?

  When's the last time I went on the open sea? I was paddle boarding. I was paddle boarding in the fucking Gulf.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  Talking about, that's coastal shit dude, you're a land lover.

• 33:21Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck you talking about? When's the last time you were in the open sea?

• 33:23Speaker 00

  I've been in the open sea.

• 33:24Matt McCusker?

  When?

• 33:25Speaker 00

  Fucking couple of days ago.

• 33:27Matt McCusker?

  Where were you?

• 33:28Speaker 00

  It's out, it's out at sea. It's out at sea dude, you're a land lover.

• 33:33Matt McCusker?

  That's so untrue.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  I got scurvy this week, I got all these lines dude, I had to start sucking lines.

• 33:38Matt McCusker?

  Dude, well, you gotta be careful because now they're trying to say that citrus intake increases skin cancer risk. I know, I think it's bullshit dude.

• 33:46Speaker 00

  When you're a salty dog like me, skin cancer's guaranteed.

• 33:48Matt McCusker?

  I heard that.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm a salty dog, you're a land lover, there's nothing you can do about it.

• 33:53Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I've been underwater more than I think, I've, I've spent hours underwater in the last couple of weeks, I've been swimming. I'm underwater dude, it's fucking sick.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  Underwater is the best. I love underwater.

• 34:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's for real sick, like when you swim laps, you're kind of chilling underwater with other people silently, so do I. That's what I'm saying, when you call me a land lover, it's just, it's not even like offensive, it's just not true.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  You're a bit of a land, you're a land lover.

• 34:17Matt McCusker?

  That's not true.

• 34:18Speaker 00

  You've never been at sea for more than a day?

• 34:21Matt McCusker?

  You've never been at sea for more than a day? I know, I went on a carnival cruise with my friends when I was 14, dude, I was, we were out there man, it must have been 10 days out there.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  You went on carnival cruise, of course. I bet, yeah, you went on this spirit cruise.

• 34:31Matt McCusker?

  I went on a Royal Caribbean.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  Everyone fights.

• 34:33Matt McCusker?

  I didn't go on a carnival.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  15,000 people are on deck fighting.

• 34:38Matt McCusker?

  I would never go on a carnival. Caribbean or better.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  Black people cruises are fucking awesome dude.

• 34:43Matt McCusker?

  Parties are fun, but you guys, a couple of fights. Yeah, there was, there was that big clear out in the, uh, customs, I don't know if you saw that?

• 34:49Speaker 00

  I just saw it this morning.

• 34:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. There was a customs, like a big brawl in the customs line and there was just like, 15 people got banned from entering the country.

• 34:59Speaker 00

  No cruise lists.

• 35:00Matt McCusker?

  You got, you can't fight in the customs, that's crazy dude. You have to, there's gotta be a, a, just a...

• 35:07Speaker 00

  Customs is tough, though.

• 35:10Matt McCusker?

  Fighting, actually, I almost got in a fight in customs. I almost got in a fight one time, yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  I got off, I was coming back, I think from England via ship, and when we finally docked, after six months at sea, we finally docked, you'd never make it on the wager, I admit. But, uh, I swear to God, Air Afghanistan got off at the same time. Me and the bros were in line for several hours.

• 35:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:36Speaker 00

  Tough.

• 35:37Matt McCusker?

  Yep. Now, I battled an old African guy one time in customs. He like, literally just butted and shoulder checked, and it was just like, "Bro." "Don't fucking talk to me like that."

• 35:46Speaker 00

  It's Ellis Island. You're literally right back to Ellis Island. The exact same thing our ancestors did. It is, dude. You become Bill the Butcher real quick.

• 35:57Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy. So when's the longest you've spent at sea, for real?

• 36:00Speaker 00

  I don't, I'm a landlubber.

• 36:02Matt McCusker?

  Are you really?

• 36:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:04Matt McCusker?

  Why, you just built this whole thing up?

• 36:08Speaker 00

  No, I've never been on a cruise, so fucking day, day, deep sea fishing.

• 36:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  That's, I mean, Carnival Cruise is hardly at sea, dude.

• 36:16Matt McCusker?

  No, man, those things rock. I remember, you're laying there, man. Took me a while to get back to land. I was so used, I was just like, I took to it.

• 36:24Speaker 00

  You got your sea legs off the Carnival Cruise?

• 36:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I remember I was at the indoor mall.

• 36:32Matt McCusker?

  Just got a soft-serve ice cream cone from the vending machine, and yeah, man.

• 36:39Matt McCusker?

  I had about fourteen bass hells.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  I'll tell you what, the only fucking limey I actually know is the Ocon Man's is salty dog, dude.

• 36:45Matt McCusker?

  Is he? Yeah, he's like a sailor.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  He's on a boat every fucking ten minutes.

• 36:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  You think you're a salty dog, dude? You're a landlubber.

• 36:54Matt McCusker?

  Fucking pond scum.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're pond scum, dude.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm more of a freshwater guy, but all this sea talk, I was thinking about my old primary care physician the other day. His name was Dr. [BLEEP]. And he actually passed away at sea last year.

• 37:08Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  He died at sea, yeah.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  So, I was thinking about that because I got a new primary care physician, and he doesn't hold a candle to [BLEEP].

• 37:18Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was really bad.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  So how did [BLEEP] pass at sea?

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Well, it's sort of a sore subject, but he fell off his fishing boat, and then the fishing boat went, like, crazy, and, and...

• 37:32Speaker 02

  I mean, I wish you guys wouldn't laugh at it. Like I said, it's sort of a sore subject.

• 37:36Matt McCusker?

  I'm still thinking about those boats.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  He was fishing and

• 37:43Speaker 02

  and he uh, he was ejected from his boat and then the boat kept uh, driving. And it ran him over.

• 37:50Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna use this.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  He got hit by his own boat?

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was killed by his own boat. Passed away at sea.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  He's the ones closest to you.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Uh, he really was a great doctor and rest in peace.

• 38:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh man.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  I was just thinking about that the other day because I got a new crappy primary care physician and I was just.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  So he went out to eat some fish and.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  The fish ended up eating.

• 38:15Matt McCusker?

  Hey man, we all do eventually.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  I prefer not to think about that.

• 38:18Speaker 00

  Well, you brought it up and I don't think it's funny.

• 38:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't even told a fucking story.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  And definitely block out his name because I don't want to make fun of that guy.

• 38:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Okay, alright, sorry.

• 38:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was thinking of that.

• 38:30Speaker 00

  But I like the story.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Uh, sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. I was just in reminder.

• 38:34Speaker 00

  You were just thinking about it.

• 38:35Matt McCusker?

  You're just.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Thinking.

• 38:36Matt McCusker?

  It's a fucked up thing to think about.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  He's the only person I know who, who died at sea.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  Who's lost at sea.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Primary, dude, primary care docs now are, it's, I tried to go to a place once and it's like, I think it's owned by like Amazon or something. It was fucking bullshit.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went to one, they assigned me one that was attached to a church. I went to a doctor that was cha- attached to a church.

• 38:57Matt McCusker?

  But you're in doc, you're a, he's a doctor of the church.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  It was, it was, it wasn't a great experience, but I don't want to.

• 39:04Matt McCusker?

  No dude, they just.

• 39:05Speaker 00

  What happened to you?

• 39:07Matt McCusker?

  Oh shit.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  Nothing, I just needed a checkup and I got insurance finally and they gave me a BSS doctor.

• 39:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, they just like.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  It just took forever. It was, I was like waiting forever.

• 39:17Matt McCusker?

  And they're not, they're like, yeah, we're checking your blood pressure. You're like, okay.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  I could go to CVS for this.

• 39:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's fucking bull. Also, oh man, blood pressure.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:27Matt McCusker?

  Gives a fuck. Like seriously dude, like it's.

• 39:31Speaker 00

  It's pretty high up there for me.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  Blood pressure.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  List of concerns.

• 39:36Matt McCusker?

  I feel like you can lower your blood pressure naturally.

• 39:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:40Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. The blood pressure med, the window, they shrunk the window for blood pressure medication now. It used to be like one whatever over this. Now they're like, no, it's actually like 20 points. We slid it down 20 points. Just to be like, that way more people can get on blood pressure medication. What is, does anyone know why that happens? Is it just stress? Is it like? Salt or like what, why do people just?

• 40:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's definitely like, for me, it's like alcohol, coffee, nicotine.

• 40:04Matt McCusker?

  That'll do it.

• 40:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 00

  And if I don't do any of that for like? Two hours. Yeah.

• 40:10Matt McCusker?

  It just goes down.

• 40:11Speaker 00

  And stress for sure.

• 40:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:13Speaker 00

  I had to get, uh, I tried to get an IV at the Super Bowl. Like they had like a little IV thing. The day after we went out, it was, we had a pretty wild night.

• 40:23Matt McCusker?

  Recovery.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  And then I'm in a room, it was like a public room of like, they, they have these things where they like just give people gifts. You know what I mean? Like if it's like a VIP thing, they just are like, here, where are these shorts?

• 40:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:36Speaker 00

  And so there's just tons of people and they're like, you want an IV? I was like, yeah, that'd be nice. And they're like, we just have to check your blood pressure real quick. And I was like.

• 40:45Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 40:45Speaker 00

  This is gonna be the craziest blood pressure you've ever seen. Sure enough, it was.

• 40:49Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 40:49Speaker 00

  And then they're like, just, are you all right? Are you like stressed out? I'm like, yeah, this is, I'm sweating. There's famous people and I'm laying in a chair like. And they're like, just relax for five minutes. I was like, all right. And it worked.

• 41:01Matt McCusker?

  It went down.

• 41:02Speaker 00

  Your blood pressure goes down. Yeah.

• 41:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  It's pretty easy.

• 41:05Matt McCusker?

  That's not bad.

• 41:06Speaker 00

  Hell of a story.

• 41:07Matt McCusker?

  That was a good story.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  Wow, it was a good story.

• 41:08Matt McCusker?

  We're talking blood pressure, you delivered.

• 41:10Speaker 00

  Thanks, man.

• 41:10Matt McCusker?

  I have no fucking blood pressure. Stories other than every now and again I'll go and they'll go, we're a little on the low side. And I go, pretty fucking chill.

• 41:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's cause I'm too chill.

• 41:19Matt McCusker?

  Pretty fucking chill. I'm actually. The only time it goes up is when people tell me I'm a land lover.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. I was listening to the book, he, heard a fucking land lover and I went, ooh, I'm gonna call Matt a land lover. I'm gonna call Matt a land lover tomorrow.

• 41:34Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, I've been, I've been aquatic, dude. I've been underwater almost every day. Is underground. Actually, it's funny too, because I'm underwater and I still like, I watch people do freestyle. You know, people can freestyle swim just like continuously for.

• 41:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:47Matt McCusker?

  I, I still don't know how people do that.

• 41:49Speaker 00

  Slow.

• 41:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but dude, you like, you can still do it slow, but you have to like, try to time your breathing. It's really, really difficult. So I'm like, I'm just like watching people underwater, just trying to peep, trying to peep game underwater. So I'm, I'm just doing my fucking old lady breaststroke and I'm just watching freestyles.

• 42:07Matt McCusker?

  Tony, I've spent at least a, a good combined couple hours underwater in the last couple of weeks.

• 42:13Speaker 00

  It's very good.

• 42:14Matt McCusker?

  Just chilling, just watching people just.

• 42:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:17Matt McCusker?

  You know, fucking shark down there.

• 42:19Speaker 00

  Where are you swimming at?

• 42:20Matt McCusker?

  The pool near my house. Just went to the pool down there, just ripping the laps. Dude, it's, it's the best. And also, I swear to God, if you swim, if you're in a pool for like, say 45 minutes swimming, doing like laps, you get out, your voice is deeper. It's something about all the, because that water, when you're breathing in water, the water pressure is like making it harder to breathe. So something about your diaphragm, I get out of the pool, I'm like, yo. Every single time, it's so funny. I get out, dude, I get, I go home right away and I'll be like, yo, what's going on?

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, you mog your family.

• 42:50Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you can't help it.

• 42:51Speaker 00

  You're underwater maxing.

• 42:52Matt McCusker?

  I'm completely underwater, underwater and sun maxing.

• 42:55Speaker 00

  You are sun maxing.

• 42:56Matt McCusker?

  I've been sun maxing. I've been in the sun.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Insane.

• 43:00Matt McCusker?

  I've been in the sun just nonstop. I might have to check a different box next time.

• 43:05Speaker 00

  You're getting close.

• 43:06Matt McCusker?

  Uh, yeah, at least, you know, non white Hispanic.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:09Matt McCusker?

  I think I've earned non white Hispanic.

• 43:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're gonna hit a fucking amber. You're gonna hit Hispanic enough, dude.

• 43:16Matt McCusker?

  Sure, I'll know when I get it, when I pick up my kids, it goes.

• 43:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've been, dude, I, speaking of stress, dude, my, I found out that my house has mold.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  Oh, that sucks.

• 43:27Matt McCusker?

  In my fucking house. In, in my room, there's like a, we had like a growth come out of the thing. And, uh, so, you know, we called the builder, who was like, we bought it off someone else, but it's like, pretty, it's a pretty new house. So we didn't have like, I didn't realize, I didn't know how like the warranty worked with all that shit. Turns out as a noble builder, they came out there like, dude, you shouldn't be dealing with that. Just fix, they're fixing it as we speak.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  This thing, this house gets mold fucking constantly.

• 43:52Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 43:53Speaker 00

  I've seen it. It grows on the fucking ceilings, neither vents.

• 43:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's not good.

• 43:57Speaker 00

  It's wild.

• 43:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they, the, the problem was in the front of my house, they like, there's a huge stretch where they did just no flashing for some reason. And then there's like this tape they put around the seams that that wasn't there. And dude, my whole front is just like black, the plywood is just black and just like completely chewed. It looks like my house was on fire. It's disgusting. So there's the boys are out there as we speak right now. Came up, yeah, I, I was punishing them this morning. They showed up at seven. I had just come back from running. Just so shirtless and completely sweaty. So I kept just trying to get close to talk to them, but like, I could tell they're like, yo dude, back.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:33Matt McCusker?

  Back away.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  You're true Austinite.

• 44:35Matt McCusker?

  Back away, I'm completely.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  Shirtless running?

• 44:36Matt McCusker?

  Shirtless running.

• 44:37Speaker 00

  True Austinite.

• 44:38Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I even did my boxer briefs in the pool recently, just to get the feel of a speedo. It was just me, I was by myself and I was like, I just want to see what a speedo feels like.

• 44:46Speaker 00

  Do you roll your, you roll them up to make it a speedo?

• 44:49Matt McCusker?

  No, I just took my, I had boxers underneath my, uh, shorts.

• 44:53Speaker 00

  Yeah. I wasn't sure if you tucked them to make it full speed.

• 44:54Matt McCusker?

  No, I did like down to thigh speedo. I'm a swim dad. I don't know if you know, I'm a swim dad right now.

• 44:59Speaker 00

  Swim dad.

• 44:59Matt McCusker?

  My kid was in swim, so.

• 45:00Speaker 00

  I'm a salty dog.

• 45:01Matt McCusker?

  I'm a swim dad.

• 45:02Speaker 00

  I'm a years, I'm a salty dog.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  I'm a limey salty dog, lay in lover, lay in lover, swim dad.

• 45:08Matt McCusker?

  Swim dad is crazy. You can't, you gotta separate it. You gotta have people, put on fucking pants between the races. You can't have just fucking dude chiseled boys, high school boys, there's, it's all ages. Like Adonis is walking around in their undies. I'm like, put some fucking pants on you. What the hell are we doing here? Cause it's like, I don't look, but it's like, the whole time you're just kind of like, you have to walk around just like, it's crazy.

• 45:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:35Matt McCusker?

  It's a weird, and it's everyone's acting like it's normal. This is not normal.

• 45:38Speaker 00

  It's not normal.

• 45:38Matt McCusker?

  It's just fucking weird. I'm not the only person being fucking, feeling weird around here and everyone's acting all fucking cool and normal. And I'm going, no guys, this is fucked up. There's a bunch of high school boys in their underpants and everyone's acting like it's cool. I'm like, this shit's not cool.

• 45:52Speaker 00

  Pray to God your daughters don't play volleyball.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  You're gonna be hitting a high school volleyball game going.

• 45:59Matt McCusker?

  I didn't even think about.

• 46:04Speaker 00

  Going, what the fuck is going on here?

• 46:07Matt McCusker?

  What's funny too, cause I think the coach of like the, our, our swim team, I, I don't know where he sw- he seems like he was like an accomplished swimmer. He's got the swimmer's body. He's got a little accent too. Fucking yoked. And uh, it's a bit of a heartthrob. So we had, we had the end of year swim party.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  Bit of a dick throb.

• 46:25Matt McCusker?

  At the end of year.

• 46:25Speaker 00

  Cock throb.

• 46:27Matt McCusker?

  We had the end of year swim party and uh, my oldest daughter Maya was like, we were about to go to the party and she was like, I wonder what Coach **** was wearing. And I was like, I should blank his name out. She's like, I wonder what he's.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  Of course his name is fucking ****. Fucking guy.

• 46:41Matt McCusker?

  I wonder what he's wearing. I was like, what? And she's like, you think he's wearing a bow tie? And I was like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I don't know. Went on, put on a bow, I put on a bow tie. I was like, come on, let's go to the party.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  I hope he's wearing a fucking bow tie. He's so hot.

• 46:57Matt McCusker?

  It did make me laugh. It was so fucking.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  It's really funny.

• 46:59Matt McCusker?

  So funny. He's the man too. But yeah, it was uh, he's, he's a fucking dude. He's a heartthrob. It just is what it is, man.

• 47:05Speaker 00

  There's nothing you can do about it.

• 47:06Matt McCusker?

  I'm just a fucking guppy in the swimming world. It's just so hard dude, to do it, just to come to grips with. I'm such a fucking turd.

• 47:13Speaker 00

  You gotta get to, you gotta get to Barton Springs.

• 47:16Matt McCusker?

  I've done it.

• 47:16Speaker 00

  I know, but that's where, that's where you build your strength. Swim laps there down.

• 47:21Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, I wanna go there and do it. I would love to.

• 47:23Speaker 00

  That would be some good underwater observations.

• 47:25Matt McCusker?

  That would be nice.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  You can get real deep. You can get down.

• 47:28Matt McCusker?

  I can also see.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  You can get down amongst the fish and look up.

• 47:30Matt McCusker?

  I could see a lot, I could peep a lot of game in Barton for sure.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 47:36Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 47:36Speaker 00

  What do you know about Quince?

• 47:37Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cot, like regular materials. Not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.

• 47:48Speaker 00

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• 48:13Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 48:14Speaker 00

  That's a bargain.

• 48:15Matt McCusker?

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• 48:40Speaker 04

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• 49:10Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, I honestly think at my skill level, well, breaststroke, I can kind of breaststroke indefinitely. That's the one, but it's like-

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's an easy one.

• 49:16Matt McCusker?

  It's an easy one. You can do it forever.

• 49:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:18Matt McCusker?

  But the, uh, it's, it'll still, it'll gas you, but I think I could do down back, down back, down back, breaststroke, freestyle, halfway max.

• 49:27Speaker 00

  You'd have to go so slow.

• 49:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, even when you go slow, you start fucking like running out of breath. You take, you get one breath where you take water in, panic. So, yeah, that's been, been the high drama of swimming laps with old ladies.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  It's nice.

• 49:42Matt McCusker?

  At 9:00 AM. But it is nice. Swimming is the, it's the ultimate. Does your joints don't hurt afterwards? It's, it's like truly, it's a skill. It's a skill to pick up for life that'll carry you all the way to old age.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Certainly.

• 49:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:57Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 49:59Matt McCusker?

  Got any more horrible stories?

• 50:01Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, that's what he was thinking.

• 50:03Matt McCusker?

  You know someone had a heart attack in the pool or something? Jesus Christ.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, I feel bad for bringing that up.

• 50:09Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  I don't think you should. I think, I think we feel bad for trying not to laugh.

• 50:14Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was, it's more of a situational thing.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm just worried about you. I want you to be careful out on the water. I don't want to lose somebody else to the water.

• 50:22Matt McCusker?

  In the pool, I think about having a heart attack in the pool every day.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Be careful, man.

• 50:28Matt McCusker?

  Hey, it is what it is. If I fucking die swimming, I die swimming, man, you know? But I like the underwater. I don't think I will.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  You're not, you're a land lover. You get, there's, you're dying on land. I guarantee it.

• 50:40Matt McCusker?

  You think I'm gonna fall into the dirt? You think I'm gonna fall into the dirt?

• 50:42Speaker 00

  You're going straight in the mud, dude. You're a land lover.

• 50:47Matt McCusker?

  This is fucking bullshit, dude. This is fucking bullshit.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Man.

• 50:54Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, no, I, uh, how was last week? How was the?

• 50:58Speaker 00

  The last, it's been chaos.

• 51:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was about to say, dude.

• 51:01Speaker 00

  Nothing, it's just nonstop chaos.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  Everything is.

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  Can't even do a goddamn fun thing.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Can't even do cool things.

• 51:11Matt McCusker?

  No, that's crazy.

• 51:12Speaker 00

  I, I, oh, we're talking about the White House? I canceled. I was like, I'm not going.

• 51:17Matt McCusker?

  Real fight.

• 51:18Speaker 00

  I shouldn't, I don't feel like dealing with this shit.

• 51:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  And then looked at my Instagram and they were doing dirt bike flips on the White House.

• 51:24Matt McCusker?

  Fucked.

• 51:25Speaker 00

  And I was like, I gotta just see what this is.

• 51:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, I also, I, I don't, I don't like the, uh,

• 51:33Speaker 00

  It was pretty wild.

• 51:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, it's, it's also one of those things.

• 51:36Speaker 00

  That Gagey fight was fucking awesome. And the troops, dude, the troops were lining the fucking, it was, I was just hanging out with the fucking troops. Dude, and my section was like just Medal of Honor winners. It was, a dude would come up and be like, hey, man, big fan. And then you look and he's wearing a fucking Medal of Honor and you're like,

• 51:58Speaker 00

  Thank you, sir. Thank you.

• 52:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's insane. But also, the critique from people around exclusive events that they're not invited, it's just kind of like, you won't know unless you get, you can't even, you can't. I wouldn't have went. It's like, yeah, I doubt it.

• 52:14Speaker 00

  I mean, I was thinking about not going, but saw that flyover in the dirt bikes.

• 52:19Matt McCusker?

  I heard there was two.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  The card was fucking, yeah, the second flyover scared me.

• 52:23Matt McCusker?

  Stealth bomber?

• 52:24Speaker 00

  The second one was a, like, yeah, it was a loud bomber. And I was, I don't know if I'm allowed to say who I was with. I was with the Venezuela boys. Sitting with those boys that pulled that off.

• 52:36Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Allegedly.

• 52:39Speaker 00

  The Vangabes?

• 52:40Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I see what you're saying.

• 52:41Speaker 00

  No, I was with the, I was with the guys who grabbed Maduro.

• 52:44Matt McCusker?

  I thought you were talking about the Venezuelan, like, regime. I was like, oh, nice.

• 52:48Speaker 00

  Venezuela boys and me. And then there was that loud fucking bomber later, later in the night. And I was like, is that one of ours?

• 52:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:57Speaker 00

  I want to make sure we're not, this isn't it.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  That is a crazy thing to do to a bunch of veterans, have the flyovers.

• 53:03Speaker 00

  Flyovers?

• 53:04Speaker 02

  For all these people that could have PTSD.

• 53:06Speaker 00

  No, they've.

• 53:06Matt McCusker?

  They probably knew it was coming.

• 53:07Speaker 00

  None of them have PTSD from planes.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 53:09Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 53:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:12Matt McCusker?

  All I know is a fucking boondoggle for me.

• 53:14Speaker 00

  Nobody's, nobody's hitting us with planes.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  It would scare the shit out of me.

• 53:18Speaker 00

  It was. It was pretty awesome.

• 53:20Matt McCusker?

  I just had, I had to do a lot. I had to put out a lot of fires that week. I have a huge liberal, liberal fanbase. I have like five million followers on Blueski. You guys don't even know about it. But I was putting out fire after fire all week. I'd be like, guys, dude, come on.

• 53:32Speaker 00

  I didn't really. I didn't give a fuck.

• 53:34Matt McCusker?

  I know, I know.

• 53:35Speaker 00

  I mean.

• 53:36Matt McCusker?

  You shouldn't. It's crazy.

• 53:37Speaker 00

  I didn't.

• 53:38Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy. It's so fucking dumb and crazy. The news in general.

• 53:42Speaker 00

  I just didn't look for a week.

• 53:44Matt McCusker?

  And then it's gone.

• 53:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:45Matt McCusker?

  That's how much it doesn't matter. You just don't look and it goes, no, nobody fucking cares. Any regular person you talk to is going, oh, yeah, either, oh, yeah, I forgot that was happening, or, yeah, fuck, I wonder how that was. If you're for real getting mad about a news story, you're retarded. You're fucking, no, it's true. Especially that. If it's like, you know, some, if it's like a cultural, politi, it's like, you're retarded. Like, you're for real.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  The one that's making me laugh the most now is the reflecting pool. Have you seen how people are, they're so upset about the reflecting pool? The algae in the

• 54:23Matt McCusker?

  There's algae in there?

• 54:24Speaker 00

  Trump like tried to redesign it or put like a blue fucking base to it.

• 54:30Matt McCusker?

  Why you put it blue?

• 54:32Speaker 00

  And now everyone's upset.

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  Why'd he try to blew it out?

• 54:36Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 54:37Matt McCusker?

  You put like that shit in the toilets?

• 54:38Speaker 00

  You want to make it look fucking sick, dude.

• 54:39Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 54:40Speaker 00

  And the ellipsis. Dude, the ellipsis. Don't even talk to me about the dead grass on the ellipsis.

• 54:48Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 54:48Speaker 00

  Not my ellipsis. Not like this.

• 54:51Matt McCusker?

  What is the ellipsis?

• 54:51Speaker 00

  Exactly. No one knows what the fuck the ellipsis is until now. Now all of a sudden, everyone's going, the ellipsis grass is dead. Just shut up. We got bigger fish to fry than some fucking dead grass.

• 55:05Speaker 00

  That will be fine.

• 55:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is funny how everyone suddenly was like, it's just such a sacred space. It should never have been used for, it's like, shut up.

• 55:13Speaker 00

  I remember what was going on in there.

• 55:15Matt McCusker?

  I saw, I saw HB, I saw Hunter Biden.

• 55:17Speaker 00

  I remember some old things in there.

• 55:18Matt McCusker?

  Hunter Biden wrote, he had some nice, nice words. It's some nice words, but in the end, he goes, I don't think that place should be desecrated like that. And it's like, yo, let's do a lie detector about who's the cocaine was in the White House. And then

• 55:31Speaker 00

  Don't talk about my boy HB.

• 55:32Matt McCusker?

  He's a man.

• 55:33Speaker 00

  I saw the positive tweet, now I'm full HB.

• 55:36Matt McCusker?

  He's a man.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  He was just, he said he liked me. So now, now I like him. HB all day.

• 55:41Matt McCusker?

  Dude HB

• 55:41Speaker 00

  I forgive him.

• 55:42Matt McCusker?

  Could make a run, dude. He's, he's sensible. He, he did that tweet, I go, okay, this guy's sensible. He's not really inflammatory. He seems like he's a, he could bridge the aisle. He really could. All of his dirty laundry is out there. It's like, okay, what are you gonna do? Yeah, I fucking smoked crack. The guy in, the guy in Canada smoked crack.

• 56:00Speaker 00

  And he's the fucking man.

• 56:01Matt McCusker?

  He's the best.

• 56:02Speaker 00

  Well, he was, RIP to a legend.

• 56:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh shit, I know he's dead, RIP.

• 56:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, that fucking interview where he's like, yeah, I smoked crack. You're just jealous because nobody wants to do cool stuff with you.

• 56:13Speaker 00

  He's doing a press conference. And he's like, they're saying I ate that girl's pussy. Uh, I got plenty to eat at home. Thank you. He said I ate her pussy in an interview.

• 56:23Matt McCusker?

  I got plenty.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  He was a fucking man. He got plenty to eat at home.

• 56:26Matt McCusker?

  Also

• 56:27Speaker 00

  Talking about eating his wife's pussy.

• 56:29Matt McCusker?

  Also being like, plenty of it at home. Just there.

• 56:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was the fucking man.

• 56:34Matt McCusker?

  She's kneading the dough for me right now. I'm about to come home and chomp on it.

• 56:38Speaker 00

  But yeah, I gotta be honest, going to the White House was sick.

• 56:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 00

  It was cool.

• 56:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  I kept my distance from the politicians.

• 56:44Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 56:45Speaker 00

  Wanted to enjoy the fights. They were good fights. It was a spectacle. Did hang out with the troops the entire time.

• 56:52Matt McCusker?

  Sick.

• 56:53Speaker 00

  The troops fucking rule.

• 56:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:56Speaker 00

  But before that, I went to the NBA final. I was at.

• 56:59Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  I went to, I went to the first four games. My seat kept getting further and further. I was like, last game, I was up.

• 57:10Matt McCusker?

  That was crazy. That.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  It was awesome.

• 57:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, that was really cool.

• 57:13Speaker 00

  Completely neutral observer. It's fun to watch.

• 57:16Matt McCusker?

  I was pulling for the.

• 57:17Speaker 00

  There's, do you see the guy for? Also, I was, the, the, I was, I was in New York. I didn't go to game five when they won. I didn't go back to San Antonio. And I was very excited to walk around and see the chaos. Nothing.

• 57:33Matt McCusker?

  Wasn't that chaotic?

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Now, I think by Madison Square Garden, it was wild.

• 57:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 00

  But I was expecting, like, I was down, like, Washington Square Park. It was just a bunch of LARPers, dude.

• 57:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:44Speaker 00

  There was a bunch of kids from NYU and a bunch of people that moved to New York that no one gives a fuck about the Knicks. And they were all just standing there like, woo, what do we do?

• 57:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 00

  How do we do this? And it reminded me, I was, just made me miss Philadelphia.

• 57:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Instantly, you know, right in Broad Street, it's, there's just a river of people.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  Sock in a horse, a police horse, right in the fucking mouth.

• 58:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what they don't know is you're allowed to break the law for 12 hours. So go break the laws and, you know, someone will die, unfortunately.

• 58:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 58:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is, yeah, that's kind of cool you got to see that because I wondered like, because they, they made it look like it was complete chaos.

• 58:20Speaker 00

  Up by the Garden, I think it was. And I think the parade was chaotic.

• 58:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and also, uh, wasn't Trump there? So like, the whole thing was barricaded.

• 58:29Speaker 00

  Trump was at game three.

• 58:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:30Speaker 00

  That was fun.

• 58:31Matt McCusker?

  How was that?

• 58:32Speaker 00

  Uh, it was crazy trying to get into the stadium because they blocked off like blocks around the stadium.

• 58:39Matt McCusker?

  That's nuts.

• 58:39Speaker 00

  And yeah, yeah. Got to hang out with the boys in blue, though. NYPD.

• 58:43Matt McCusker?

  It's tight.

• 58:44Speaker 00

  It's nice.

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cops. Turns out cops and soldiers are chill. NYPD are chill.

• 58:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:49Matt McCusker?

  They're, they're busy enough too where they're not like breaking your balls about dumb stuff. I got pulled over the other night. Down here in Austin, I've just literally completely sobered up.

• 58:58Speaker 00

  You're getting tanned, bro. You better get used to it.

• 59:03Matt McCusker?

  I'm a suspicious driver now.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  You're suddenly a fucking.

• 59:05Matt McCusker?

  I'm suspicious. Also, my car looks like, inside of my car looks like a crackhead's car. There's shit. There's just like the weirdest assortment of shit everywhere. There's like shit that I get mailed. There's like t-shirts in plastic bags, a basketball, food containers. And the guy pulled up, he goes like, "Having a good night, man?" My headlights were off. He's like, "Surefire DUI." And I was just like, "Oh, that was Foreman." And he was just like, "Ah shit." And he looked. I think he smelled the breath too, clean as hell. But yeah, so I got off. I got to do all my cop stuff, turn the lights on inside. So like, put them at ease, window fully down.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  Hand on the wheel.

• 59:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, hands, hands visible for sure. I did have a little joint ahead of hide right down. Didn't even move my shoulder, but kinda proud of myself for that one.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  Not moving your shoulders, nice.

• 59:47Matt McCusker?

  It was, dude, I just scooped it out a little handrest, dropped it on the floor, right as he was walking. I said, "Dude."

• 59:51Speaker 00

  I would've panicked, dude. I've watched too much Midwest Safety.

• 59:53Matt McCusker?

  I was cool as a cucumber. I like literally.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  Jumped in the passenger seat, but like the driver, driver took off, dude. I don't even know who the fuck.

• 1:00:00Matt McCusker?

  These are my pants. These are my brother's pants.

• 1:00:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Joey got out and freaked the fuck out. I would've said I was a sovereign citizen.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  I would've hit him with the Poirier. See a Poirier? What's good, bro?

• 1:00:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 1:00:18Speaker 00

  It's gonna be bad for you.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  It's great.

• 1:00:22Matt McCusker?

  That must've been terrifying for that cop. Dude, chill, chill, chill, chill.

• 1:00:27Speaker 00

  He goes, "Yo, are you Dustin Poirier?" And he's like, "Yeah, this is gonna be bad for you." And then he hit the, uh.

• 1:00:32Matt McCusker?

  I would've tased him right away, dude. I would just.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Matt McCusker?

  But then if that, dude, God forbid, he pulls that out.

• 1:00:38Speaker 00

  And the short lift. Do you see the short lift? He hit the fucking short lift, squaring up, and it's like, "Oh no, I've seen this."

• 1:00:46Matt McCusker?

  No, man. That's, that's for real terrifying. And everyone's like, "Yo, do something about this guy." It's like, I'd have to train for five years.

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  I have to train. I have to go back in time. I have to get a time machine and start training when I'm 10 years old.

• 1:01:01Speaker 00

  Ooh, I have a gun.

• 1:01:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. No, it would have been, it'd have to be taze. He's got a taze and just rip it, man, bro. I see your view, if you, that's so scary. I guess too, if he closed the distance, he would have fucking, I don't know if he clocked that.

• 1:01:18Speaker 00

  Poirier's the man.

• 1:01:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It happens, dude, that happens.

• 1:01:21Speaker 00

  I think everybody forgives him. Everyone's like, that was actually a sick video.

• 1:01:26Matt McCusker?

  It is a sick video.

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  Kind of cool as fuck in that.

• 1:01:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  Not that that's cool, but.

• 1:01:31Matt McCusker?

  He pulled it off.

• 1:01:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Matt McCusker?

  Justin Timberlake did the same thing. He had a cool drunk video. When the guy was like, uh, what's, what are you doing? He was like.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  He's gonna ruin the tour.

• 1:01:40Matt McCusker?

  I'm, uh.

• 1:01:41Speaker 00

  He's gonna ruin the whole world tour.

• 1:01:42Matt McCusker?

  What a world tour? He's like, no, I'm actually.

• 1:01:45Speaker 00

  He's gonna ruin the tour. He goes, what tour? The world tour.

• 1:01:50Matt McCusker?

  Although then you see footage from the tour where he's just kinda like, don't care, don't wanna do this. JT, I've been, I've been trying to get.

• 1:01:58Speaker 00

  You're saying he mailed in the world tour? I haven't seen it.

• 1:02:00Matt McCusker?

  There's a video, no, people were mad. Again, you never know what happens. But there was a video where he was just like, kinda, you know the audience things? He was just walking around on stage and just hitting this. He was kinda phoning it in.

• 1:02:11Speaker 00

  Phoned in the world tour.

• 1:02:12Matt McCusker?

  But that's his, that's his business.

• 1:02:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:15Matt McCusker?

  I wanna get JT on so bad.

• 1:02:17Speaker 00

  That'd be awesome.

• 1:02:18Matt McCusker?

  So bad. I, I've, I, my strings that I could pull, I tried. I had one string.

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  I think we can get HB on.

• 1:02:24Matt McCusker?

  HB?

• 1:02:25Speaker 00

  Hunter Biden.

• 1:02:26Matt McCusker?

  I think we get Hunter on.

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

  I think we get HB.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  I think we get HB. And, you know, again, I'm kidding about cocaine in the White House, could have been anybody's, but literally could have been anyone's. If you wanna, if you're talking about cocaine, there's a lot. That's a cocaine archetype, the whole.

• 1:02:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Matt McCusker?

  Business of politics, so. It was just a, obviously a clever joke on Hunter Biden's. I would love to get HB on. HB and JT would be huge.

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  Simultaneously.

• 1:02:49Matt McCusker?

  Simultaneously.

• 1:02:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, we should start booking just random, two fucking random people.

• 1:02:54Matt McCusker?

  I'll bring the clear podiums. We'll have two people standing while we sit down. Like, JT, you were drunk?

• 1:03:01Matt McCusker?

  JT, you were drunk? That's so fucking funny. JT DUI. Also, it's gotta be crazy to DUI when you're JT and you're like, this isn't gonna affect me at all. Like, this is like, okay, I'll just hire someone to drive me. This is fucking, uh, minor inconvenience.

• 1:03:21Matt McCusker?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:03:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Matt McCusker?

  Know what I'm fucking saying?

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:03:26Matt McCusker?

  Can't believe I got profiled while I was driving tan.

• 1:03:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy. Damn.

• 1:03:31Speaker 00

  You're getting too tan, dude.

• 1:03:32Matt McCusker?

  I'm, dude, I'm.

• 1:03:33Speaker 00

  Too tan and jacked.

• 1:03:34Matt McCusker?

  I'm trying to see, you think I'm jacked?

• 1:03:35Speaker 00

  You get, if you keep getting more jacked, they're gonna go straight for the taser.

• 1:03:38Matt McCusker?

  I feel like I'm at a plateau.

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  You're entering full threat territory.

• 1:03:41Matt McCusker?

  I'll just be adjusting my shorts and I'll get tased.

• 1:03:43Speaker 00

  Full threat territory.

• 1:03:46Matt McCusker?

  I wanna see how, how tan I can go. This is, I think I'm maxed out. This is no way.

• 1:03:50Speaker 00

  You can do.

• 1:03:51Matt McCusker?

  You think I can get more?

• 1:03:52Speaker 00

  I know you can do more, dude.

• 1:03:54Matt McCusker?

  I'm also, I think I'm plateauing. I don't think I'm getting.

• 1:03:56Speaker 00

  No, I noticed how jacked you were.

• 1:03:58Matt McCusker?

  No way.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  When I walked in, I hadn't seen you in fucking 10 days. I was like, god damn. I don't know what happened.

• 1:04:04Matt McCusker?

  Competition's almost over. I've been doing a calorie competition.

• 1:04:06Speaker 00

  With who?

• 1:04:07Matt McCusker?

  Uh, two of my neighbors.

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  What's the calorie?

• 1:04:08Matt McCusker?

  My bros. Whoever burns the most calories total in the month of June wins. I'm, uh, I'm pretty good. I'm, I'm on par to hit about like 35,000 for, for June.

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  It's crazy.

• 1:04:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's been pretty. I had a 3,000 calorie day. I think it really like fucked me up. That's why I really worry about having a heart attack in the pool.

• 1:04:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm like really excited for this to end. I don't know why. This is, this thing spiraled out of control. Now it's just complete panic. Every time I get an alert to my thing being like, blah, blah, blah, started a workout. I'm like, fucking bastard.

• 1:04:38Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 1:04:38Matt McCusker?

  I check my enemies every day. One of my enemies is up there. I go, alright, I gotta run four miles. Been a guy, actually kinda fun.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Matt McCusker?

  Calorie off is, it's been a fun thing. And it's honestly one of those things where they say like, well, you can overtrain. You need rest days. I've had no rest days. Been 30 fucking days. It's like, maybe not. Maybe you actually don't need a rest day. Maybe it's all fucking bullshit.

• 1:04:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, those rest days really. They sink my battleship.

• 1:05:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they, they turn into rest weeks and months.

• 1:05:02Speaker 00

  For three days, I go rest day, and then you go, fuck it, I'm still sore. Double two rest days, and then you go, fuck it, I'm not going back to the fucking.

• 1:05:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it turns into rest, rest month. Yeah. Turns out you don't really need them. They're bullshit. Sorry to break it to you guys. Exercise. Physiologists and doctors.

• 1:05:20Matt McCusker?

  I'm definitely very healthy and I'm not gonna have a heart attack because I've fucking done like a thousand calories a day for 30 days. I'm on, what's the date today? Let me see.

• 1:05:30Matt McCusker?

  Okay, dude, it's also, I will say it's not fair in this competition because my friends have like jobs they have to be at, so I, I'll fucking hit like a fucking two hour block. It's been actually, yeah, it's been, it's been fun, but I will say, I'm like, all right, this is, I gotta chill. This is, this is just not, this is not nice.

• 1:05:51Matt McCusker?

  But, but yeah.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Stressful and negative things coming via text.

• 1:05:55Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

  It's not that bad.

• 1:05:57Matt McCusker?

  It never is as bad as you think, honestly.

• 1:05:59Speaker 00

  I'll tell you this one.

• 1:06:01Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:06:01Speaker 00

  You're gonna think it's a bad one.

• 1:06:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 1:06:02Speaker 00

  All fair.

• 1:06:03Matt McCusker?

  All right.

• 1:06:04Speaker 00

  We done?

• 1:06:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:06:09Speaker 00

  Do it.

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