MBMBaM 819: Real Guys Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

All sets of three brothers are actually the same, so this week we're giving advice on keeping wolves at bay and building houses out of granite. But don't worry, there's time in this Jab-and-Gab to get in some questions about keeping dry in the rain, the real whereabouts of Jack the Ripper, and even more haunted piano keys. Suggested talking points: Throwing Galaxies, JuiCera, When God Reclaims New Hampshire, Legs All the Way Down, Technically Everything is Probably Not Haunted Lambda Legal: https://lambdalegal.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, the advice show for the margin era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Well, I'm your middlest brother. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, big dog wolf, wolf Travis McElroy.

• 1:23Griffin McElroy?

  What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary Griffin McElroy.

• 1:29Travis McElroy?

  I might seem a little off. I blew the intro there. I've just been thinking a lot. As you guys know, Trav Nation, sweeping the world.

• 1:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and sleeping the world.

• 1:39Travis McElroy?

  And sleeping the world. I just woke up, so I'm still thinking about sleepy. I'm still halfway in the land of nod, but as you know, we're on pace now to have enveloped every cool person on earth.

• 1:55Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, man.

• 1:56Travis McElroy?

  And no non shitty, no shitty.

• 1:58Griffin McElroy?

  All the big influencers.

• 2:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking clovic, fucking clovicular. I don't think he's in it. The rest of them. Pretty sure he's not in it.

• 2:09Travis McElroy?

  But I.

• 2:10Griffin McElroy?

  Pewdiepie.

• 2:11Travis McElroy?

  No, didn't get him.

• 2:13Griffin McElroy?

  Farts.

• 2:14Travis McElroy?

  But, but.

• 2:17Travis McElroy?

  I am not willing to rest in my laurels and I'm setting my sights to enveloping the universe, but I need the next big thing. And so I figured the obvious pathway, right? There's two, there's a branching decision tree before me.

• 2:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:34Travis McElroy?

  And, you know, I watch a lot of the TikToks, of the Instagram reels and MySpace pages. And my two options seemed to be debate, bro. You know, go on things, debate people or like content creator boxing matches.

• 2:53Griffin McElroy?

  Don't do that.

• 2:53Travis McElroy?

  Those are so confusing. Are, do you mean literal or virtual?

• 2:58Travis McElroy?

  What? Literal boxing matches? Yeah, but then.

• 3:01Griffin McElroy?

  Virtual boxing. They get together, they get a remote play of ready to rumble boxing.

• 3:05Travis McElroy?

  On TikTok, it's so confusing. People do this on the TikTok live. I find it so confusing.

• 3:11Griffin McElroy?

  How do you box remotely? How does?

• 3:13Travis McElroy?

  You'll see one care. No, it's not boxing. It's just like, you'll see two creators sharing a screen and they're just like, this guy sucks. And then the other creator is like, no, they suck. And they tell their fans like, I hate this guy. And then the other person is like, I hate them. And then they're like, smash that like chat or whatever. And it's like a fight they're doing.

• 3:30Griffin McElroy?

  So it's like, uh, it's like in boxing when they do like a pre-match, like press conference and they squirt each other with water guns and insult each other's wives and stuff.

• 3:40Travis McElroy?

  But they're just throwing galaxies around. Galaxy, galaxy, galaxy.

• 3:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's the best part of boxing. I do, I'm excited about the potential.

• 3:48Travis McElroy?

  When they throw galaxies around.

• 3:49Griffin McElroy?

  That's just.

• 3:50Travis McElroy?

  So I'm looking at these two options, but then I thought, why not both? So here's my new pitch for a live event that I'm, I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of investors in. I call it a jab and gab where the two creators do one round of boxing and then one round of debate and then one round of boxing, all back to back to back.

• 4:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 4:14Travis McElroy?

  Just beating each other up, but then debating and then beating each other up and then debating until somebody taps out.

• 4:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 4:22Travis McElroy?

  And says like, you win. And then they have to change their views on the thing.

• 4:28Travis McElroy?

  Less, yeah, less chicken chop date, more karate chop date.

• 4:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, exactly. I like that, Trav, especially the part where they have to change their views. My favorite part of all those Jubilee videos is after 30. Absolute goofballs get schooled on sort of basic fundamental principles of being a good human being. At the end of it, they all kind of do a big hug together and they're like, we're fixed now.

• 4:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:53Griffin McElroy?

  He want, he said the rightest stuff and we were wrong and now vaccines.

• 4:59Travis McElroy?

  Mm hmm.

• 5:00Griffin McElroy?

  Thumbs up. Love it.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  And we could recreate that too. If we have one big giant beefy person.

• 5:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 5:07Travis McElroy?

  And kind of 30 scrawny people.

• 5:10Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 5:11Travis McElroy?

  And like they can debate and then I'll fight.

• 5:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  And then debate and I'll fight.

• 5:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. So when they get tired of using their minds and debating, then all of a sudden we got 30 wispy guys trying to climb this big coconut tree.

• 5:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:27Griffin McElroy?

  Of a, of a man who's absolutely beat, beat, just going to town on them. Chicka chica boom boom style.

• 5:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, exactly. This is my, the other alternate name I came up with it was, ooh, that smarts. You think the problem?

• 5:41Griffin McElroy?

  I like that.

• 5:41Travis McElroy?

  The TV executives will be like, do you have another name? Or punches and hunches was another one.

• 5:46Griffin McElroy?

  Not punches and hunches. Ooh, that smarts is good.

• 5:49Travis McElroy?

  Jab and gab though, I think was the one I landed on.

• 5:52Griffin McElroy?

  I think I like, ooh, that smarts better.

• 5:56Travis McElroy?

  Ooh, that?

• 5:57Griffin McElroy?

  Are you going to?

• 5:58Travis McElroy?

  Ooh, that question mark smarts period.

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  So are you just arranging this or are you going to participate in it? Because Trav, I don't know that either of these things are something you have.

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  Certainly not asking questions and listening to the answers. If the boxing part is first. Hey, wait a minute. No, I want to do mine. Certainly not asking questions and listening to the answers. Okay, go ahead.

• 6:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Travis McElroy?

  If the boxing part is first, I'm a hundred percent sure I could take Ben Shapiro. I think I could be his ass and then.

• 6:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 6:28Travis McElroy?

  Dude. He can't even get his wife let.

• 6:33Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 6:34Travis McElroy?

  You don't know about this?

• 6:35Griffin McElroy?

  No, what? Why would I know about Ben Shapiro's capacity?

• 6:40Travis McElroy?

  I shouldn't have to listen. I shouldn't have to experience this.

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  You said it. You brought it to my fucking doorstep.

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  He publicly stated on his show after WAP came out.

• 6:50Travis McElroy?

  Should it? They should Google. He should Google. Not you.

• 6:54Griffin McElroy?

  You dragged this dead bird. You dragged this dead bird into my house.

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  Okay, go ahead. You're right.

• 6:59Travis McElroy?

  When WAP came out, he publicly stated on his show, if it gets wet, you're doing something wrong.

• 7:04Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome.

• 7:06Travis McElroy?

  So good. I'm not being puerile. It's just like a fact.

• 7:10Travis McElroy?

  That's a thing he said. That he said on his own show and said, click send. Yes.

• 7:16Griffin McElroy?

  So like, what did he think? What did he think? Okay, I don't want to get too raunchy because you guys are my biological brothers. That's fucking gross. But like, what did he think? Was he like, if it gets, if it gets wet down there, it looks like you may or have a PP accident. Uh oh, yucky. Like, what did he think was the, the mechanism?

• 7:36Travis McElroy?

  It might be that Ben Shapiro, and this is gonna be hard to believe, doesn't understand uh, how women work on any fundamental level.

• 7:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. Sure.

• 7:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, this is also the same guy that said that after the homes get washed into the sea, that someone else will be lining up to buy them.

• 7:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:54Travis McElroy?

  So.

• 7:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's not as crazy as the, you know, that's not as crazy.

• 7:58Travis McElroy?

  When it gets wet downstairs.

• 8:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Travis McElroy?

  Downstairs, it's downstairs wet, that's what he has a big problem with.

• 8:03Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 8:04Travis McElroy?

  Possibly.

• 8:04Travis McElroy?

  My other idea was a thing called more bones. Where it's more episodes of Bones, but not new seasons of Bones.

• 8:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so Trav, this is, I want to stop you.

• 8:14Travis McElroy?

  Hold on, let me finish. These are more episodes that just slot into existing seasons of Bones. To make more Bones.

• 8:21Griffin McElroy?

  I gotta stop you. I gotta stop you, Trav. Because this bit started out about one thing. And then it turned into, you can't say my idea for expanding Tribe Nation is uh, a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and boxing match and debate, group debate. Or they should make more episodes of Bones. What the fuck are you talking about, man? What does that have to do with the first thing?

• 8:48Travis McElroy?

  You know, sometimes when you're trying to fall asleep at night and it's like, you know, midnight and your brain's like, here's another thing you could say.

• 8:55Griffin McElroy?

  And this is when you come up with the stuff to say on the show is at midnight when you're trying to fall asleep?

• 8:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, babe, that's my fucking wishing hour.

• 9:02Travis McElroy?

  But you're, you, we can't be exposed to your creative process. You have to choose one of these things and come with it. You know what I mean?

• 9:10Travis McElroy?

  Not, that's never been true.

• 9:12Griffin McElroy?

  When Morpheus comes to him and whispers in his sweet ear at night.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  More bones. Why, why, where's the confidence, Trav, to have a great idea like more bones? Where's the confidence to just sit on it and say, at some point, this will make organic sense?

• 9:27Griffin McElroy?

  I'll bring up bones at some point.

• 9:28Travis McElroy?

  Someone will say the word bones and I will have my own. I'll strike like the ass.

• 9:34Travis McElroy?

  You know, Justin, if you're invading a city, do you wait for the wall to crumble? Or do you smash your way in? You know what I mean?

• 9:41Griffin McElroy?

  Well, and I, I must also take issue with the fact that, that they should make more bones is nothing. That's not an idea.

• 9:48Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, Griffin, Griffin, they're not making more bones like new seasons. Maybe this isn't clear. This is, they're going to produce more episodes of Bones that just slot into existing seasons of Bones.

• 10:00Travis McElroy?

  Have they not aged? Have Dave and, and?

• 10:03Travis McElroy?

  The audience of Bones doesn't care about that. They just want more bones, but not more story.

• 10:09Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. You don't think it'll be a little bit distracting if one scene is like David Boreanaz? Like, we gotta go and find all the bones so we could solve the crime. And his partner is like, yeah, but where do we start looking? And then it cuts back to him and he's like, maybe the Rizler can help us out. And now he's 75 years old?

• 10:28Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 10:30Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 10:32Travis McElroy?

  I don't think that will, as a, as a medium level fan of Bones, I, I wouldn't notice.

• 10:38Travis McElroy?

  What is the first show that starts getting like, this will be, I feel like the first application of AI in television is to find existing old people's shows and secretly generate more of it.

• 10:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure NCIS has been doing this for 20 years.

• 10:56Travis McElroy?

  This seems like what I've seen, but it's not exactly like what I've seen. And Mark Harmon has six fingers. That's okay. This is fine.

• 11:05Travis McElroy?

  Is he partnered with a weird purple stitch? What's happening?

• 11:10Travis McElroy?

  The criminal and the victim were both blippy?

• 11:13Travis McElroy?

  This can't be right. All right.

• 11:15Travis McElroy?

  This can't be right. That's all right. I'll be asleep soon. Uh, this is an invite show. Uh, by the way, I am enjoying a utility drink today. I am, I did not think about the fact that now it, my utility drink is so easily clockable in videos.

• 11:29Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, because it's in a giant lenticular Mickey Mouse cup?

• 11:33Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes, yes, that's true, Griff. Yes. Yeah, that's true. But then I told people what's in it. So now every comment's like, ah, I see someone's enjoying their utility drink.

• 11:43Travis McElroy?

  Can we not? No, it's actually good. Spread the brand. Actually, yes.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  Are you making any money on utility drink yet? Have you filed the patents? I told, I sent you, I told you how to do this.

• 11:52Travis McElroy?

  I got, I got you. I got the dot com.

• 11:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:56Travis McElroy?

  Halfway there.

• 11:57Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 11:58Travis McElroy?

  Halfway there. I've been thinking about doing a-

• 12:00Travis McElroy?

  You need to copyright hot girls utility drink. Copyright that.

• 12:03Travis McElroy?

  Copyright hot girls utility drink. That's good. I've been thinking about doing a Juicero type machine where you'll get the utility drink pouches, right?

• 12:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's awesome.

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  But you, or you pay $600 for the machine and then we'll sell you the utility drink pouches and they will be customized to you.

• 12:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, your medicine is in one, but yeah, yeah.

• 12:24Travis McElroy?

  But this is, we were selling cans before and that's bad for the environment. Yeah. So the utility drink pouches are just, you slide them in the machine and then the machine basically like juices them, much like the Juicero itself.

• 12:38Travis McElroy?

  If you could find a way that whatever is in utility drink makes the aluminum can recycle itself, then it's a cycle. Cause that, that's like the one good thing to recycle is like aluminum cans. Cause they go one to one. Justin, what about calling it Juicera? And then it's you and Michael Sarah working together.

• 12:57Griffin McElroy?

  A combo we've been waiting for a long time. Travis, did you notice how Justin and Michael Sarah's beards came in roughly around the same time?

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  I have noticed that Griffin. I've, I've been slowly building a board with red string and just basically the two pictures of Justin and Michael Sarah, but I've been weaving the string back and forth a lot and it's making some interesting patterns.

• 13:19Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 13:19Travis McElroy?

  I love Michael Sarah.

• 13:21Travis McElroy?

  I don't know enough about him personally to make a bold statement.

• 13:24Travis McElroy?

  I'm so glad he got to keep being Michael Sarah. He just liked to, he got to keep being Michael Sarah and he's found places to be Michael Sarah in Hollywood. He was in Twin Peaks. He's like absolutely outrageous.

• 13:35Griffin McElroy?

  They did Running Man and they were like, yeah, well, we, we could use a little Michael Sarah for a while.

• 13:40Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna love to get Michael Sarah on the show.

• 13:42Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna add him to my very short list, admittedly, of him and Daniel Radcliffe and Elijah Wood of like hit it really big when they were little, when they were young, and then just said, I'll do anything weird you pitch me.

• 13:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'll just keep it tight and cool. He's in a, in the, in the very Merry Christmas. He wants to be Bill Murray's agent. Anyway, uh, this is an advice show. It is not a retrospective of the career of Michael Sarah, even though it has some incredibly fascinating hills and a few valleys. I live in New Hampshire, which is the granite state. I also grew up in the small town, which happens to be granite town in the granite state. As such, there's lots of big hunks of granite all over the place. Like basically it's used for everything you could think of and it literally, literally, literally lines all the streets and I really like that. There's no question.

• 14:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:34Travis McElroy?

  It's just, that's the end of the.

• 14:35Travis McElroy?

  Just letting us know an interesting fact about New Hampshire.

• 14:39Travis McElroy?

  Whenever I'm, whenever I'm with friends that, uh, aren't from New Hampshire, I like to point out when I see some granite, my friends have just begun to comment on how much I talk about granite. My question is thusly, do I have an unnatural love for granite or is granite just notably cooler, harder, denser, sturdier and just better than other building materials? That's from Stone Cold Steve Granite.

• 15:04Griffin McElroy?

  So you said granite nine times in this one fairly short message, which is more than the national mean, um, I would, I would say. So I, I wouldn't say, saying that you have an unnatural love for granite, sounds like an unhealthy thing, but you do talk a little bit more about it, just in the short time I've gotten to know you, more than, more than most.

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  I think you have a logo. So in Huntington, West Virginia, there used to be a brick factory.

• 15:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:31Travis McElroy?

  That was, uh, pretty dominating. And so for a long time, the streets of Huntington, West Virginia were paved with bricks and there's still a couple streets that have not been, uh, paved over, that are still brick streets. And anytime I'm in town with Teresa and the girls, I make them, I will drive over and tell them again, like this whole town used to be paved with bricks.

• 15:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Imagine if our wheels were wooden, how crazy this would feel, right?

• 15:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. I think what best building material is really tough. That's tough to defend. I mean, like, I probably will go wood. It comes from trees, smells good, fun to cut.

• 16:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:10Travis McElroy?

  Like, I think if we're talking best building material, wood beats granite in that sense. In terms of like all engineered stone, I don't know. Granite versus quartz, I could grant you.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  If we updated three little pigs to add a fourth little pig, whose house was made of granite, and he actually goes after the big bad wolf, he's like, I'm in a fortress. And we've actually been planning, we've had the security and safety here. Like, yeah, you guys had straw and sticks and bricks. Cool. I've got granite and a big cannon.

• 16:42Griffin McElroy?

  I think I would make my little pig house out of wolf poison.

• 16:46Travis McElroy?

  That's really good.

• 16:47Travis McElroy?

  Which of the pigs do you think we would be?

• 16:49Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's interesting.

• 16:51Travis McElroy?

  I'd, I would make mine out of Trump 2028 flags, just assuming the wolf would be like, oh, cool, nice.

• 16:57Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, like the wolf would be.

• 16:58Travis McElroy?

  Maybe like the wolf, uh, the big bad wolf, right? He's gonna be like, oh, choice, nice.

• 17:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:02Travis McElroy?

  Never like.

• 17:03Griffin McElroy?

  One of us, one of us, he'll say.

• 17:04Travis McElroy?

  One of us, nice.

• 17:05Travis McElroy?

  I'd make my house look like a big wolf.

• 17:07Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, bigger wolf.

• 17:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Travis McElroy?

  Granite is corried directly from the earth.

• 17:11Travis McElroy?

  Not gonna entertain which of us would be which little pig.

• 17:14Griffin McElroy?

  I don't like thinking of myself, I don't like thinking of any of us as a little.

• 17:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm Sticks.

• 17:18Travis McElroy?

  Um.

• 17:19Travis McElroy?

  I love that.

• 17:20Travis McElroy?

  Sticks, is that his nickname?

• 17:21Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Sticks, let's get out of here. Hey, Sticks, it's me, Bricks.

• 17:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  We gotta go.

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  Sticks, Bricks and Ponyboy. Sticks bricks and Dave. So granite is quarried directly from the earth and no two slabs are exactly alike.

• 17:37Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  It's very heat resistant, so hot pots can go on the counter, but it's porous.

• 17:42Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 17:43Travis McElroy?

  And require sealing every one to two years. Now granite.

• 17:46Griffin McElroy?

  Every one to two years? Shit, I've lived in my house for like seven years. Oh no.

• 17:50Travis McElroy?

  You gotta. Now compare to that quartz is an engineered composite of natural stone and resin. It's non porous.

• 17:57Griffin McElroy?

  Gross.

• 17:58Travis McElroy?

  Requires no sealing and offers uniform colors, but it's not as heat resistant as granite and can scorch or melt if exposed to high temperatures. Now do for Mica, do for Mica.

• 18:08Griffin McElroy?

  When Mother Gaia claims human civilization pulls it back down into the loam, all that quartz mixed in with chemicals. It's gonna be, it's gonna be wrong. It's gonna be, I'm thinking about the future. I'm using granite, which ashes to ashes, dust to dust, one day will return. To the loam and it's natural state.

• 18:29Travis McElroy?

  They'll reclaim the granite. It's a natural, beautiful granite.

• 18:32Griffin McElroy?

  God claims New Hampshire and pulls it down into the earth's awaiting mall.

• 18:37Travis McElroy?

  And he will.

• 18:37Griffin McElroy?

  That good, all that good granite, Mother Gaia's gonna chomp that stuff up yum, because it's not mixed with any of our dirty chemicals.

• 18:45Travis McElroy?

  Rock candy, baby.

• 18:46Griffin McElroy?

  Rock candy for Mother Gaia.

• 18:47Travis McElroy?

  Somebody's gotta appreciate the granite, you know, somebody's gotta be out there appreciating that granite work. And I think that you're, you're, you seem a fine candidate for it and you come by it honest, which is nice. You got a little local. Local uh flavor there.

• 19:03Griffin McElroy?

  I, I think also.

• 19:04Travis McElroy?

  Get a granite job.

• 19:06Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah. If you love fucking granite so much, why don't you start tug, why don't you start tugging it up out of the earth? If you love granite so much and you won't stop talking about it.

• 19:17Travis McElroy?

  Well, I'm saying if you have a granite job and it sounds like you talk about granite a lot, like it's, you know, the work, I can't leave it. You know, at the desk, you know what I mean? Like.

• 19:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  Is I know granite is just uh my job. You make, the problem is you like make granite your job and then it's, you can't enjoy granite the same way. You know what I mean? If you make granite your job, then every time you see granite, you're kind of at the office.

• 19:41Griffin McElroy?

  You'll, you know, you'll start taking it for granite.

• 19:46Travis McElroy?

  I've been in this recent job for a little over a year now, and as I've been here, I've noticed one woman's restroom in particular has been collecting various perfumes, fragrant sprays, and lotions. When I started, there was only one. Now there are five sprays and one lotion. I live in Texas and it's pretty hot this time of year. Sometimes I wonder if it's appropriate for me to use said perfumes in times of need.

• 20:09Travis McElroy?

  For granted. Oh, okay. Sorry, go on.

• 20:15Travis McElroy?

  Brothers, is this perfume for anyone? Or do you think the owners of said perfume put it in there for convenience? Am I allowed to use this perfume? That's from passing this sniff test. I will tell you how this perfume gets there if you want. I can guarantee it.

• 20:28Travis McElroy?

  Oh shit, okay.

• 20:30Travis McElroy?

  This is someone who likes to buy perfume and they bought a few bottles they didn't like, and they bought them in the office.

• 20:35Travis McElroy?

  Oh, wow.

• 20:36Travis McElroy?

  100% what happened. I can guarantee it. I've done it. Back in the day when I used to do scents. If I bought what I didn't really enjoy, be like, oh, this could be a nice communal scent somewhere else, not at my house. I don't like it. For the away from house, for the public. Giving it away means you don't like it. It's like, I don't want this here. You know, I don't want this to be my personal scent. I just want it around.

• 20:57Griffin McElroy?

  Where would you set up these, these dead drops? Where would you go?

• 21:00Travis McElroy?

  At the park, at the park. I believe in the park where everybody's sweating their nuts off. And then I take them to the Britta Park Amphitheater, where people are doing the show, be like, here, avail yourselves of these beautiful clothes.

• 21:10Griffin McElroy?

  Stink.

• 21:11Travis McElroy?

  You stink.

• 21:12Griffin McElroy?

  You're a stinky actor.

• 21:14Travis McElroy?

  As often happens with questions on it, there's a layer, there's a level that you ask the question, which I think is easy to answer, and then a deeper level that you didn't ask, which is the actual problem. This is for everyone. They wouldn't put it in a shared bathroom at work, right? They keep it at their desk, or in their purse, or in their jacket, whatever, right? They wouldn't just put, like, that's a shared space. Everyone knows what's up, right?

• 21:38Griffin McElroy?

  Stink shared space.

• 21:40Travis McElroy?

  But the real question is, everybody sharing this bathroom sees those perfumes there.

• 21:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:46Travis McElroy?

  You come out smelling like one of those perfumes.

• 21:50Griffin McElroy?

  They'll know.

• 21:50Travis McElroy?

  The awareness that everyone has of, oh, they opted for the bathroom perfume.

• 21:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:58Travis McElroy?

  That's the question.

• 21:59Griffin McElroy?

  They probably took that huge shit. And the stink stayed on them and they had to hide the stinky smell with one of the communal bathroom sprays.

• 22:09Travis McElroy?

  And then if you like one of them, can you take it?

• 22:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, that's no, because it's like a tester. It's like tester rules. You can't take it.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  But somebody owned it at some point.

• 22:21Travis McElroy?

  You know the hotels have that weird thing where it's like hotel has this like imaginary line in its head where if a bottle is of a certain size, you can't steal it. And everybody's guessing at the line. You know what I mean? Like, for some reason, this big bottle, not okay. Small bottle, yes.

• 22:34Travis McElroy?

  And they started attaching them to the walls. Like, I can't bring Ziploc bags and fill them up from the squirter on the wall and then just put them in my suitcase. Come on, guys. I'll steal that shampoo if I want to.

• 22:45Griffin McElroy?

  I think it's TSA.

• 22:46Travis McElroy?

  Squirter on the wall, something they've never called Ben Shapiro's wife.

• 22:48Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, Justin Tyler McElroy.

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  Yay.

• 22:52Griffin McElroy?

  That joke made me sick.

• 22:54Travis McElroy?

  Yay, Justin. Yay. Ticker tape, ticker tape, ticker tape.

• 23:01Griffin McElroy?

  I'm filing a.

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  The fact that Griffin hadn't heard about it, does it make it timely or relevant? It's not, it's not once again made this bit that we all enjoyed. Thank you, Griffin, for your gift.

• 23:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, any other, I've been, I've been, yeah, any other great stuff happened? I heard about this pizza rat the other day.

• 23:22Travis McElroy?

  You heard about this pizza gate? What, Griffin? No, we can't get into pizza gate? What the frick, dude?

• 23:29Griffin McElroy?

  I heard a rumor, the storm is coming from some online sources.

• 23:36Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, can your new character be guy that gets into queue for years too?

• 23:43Griffin McElroy?

  You don't understand.

• 23:43Travis McElroy?

  I think there might be some messages here, guys.

• 23:46Griffin McElroy?

  You guys don't understand.

• 23:47Travis McElroy?

  I'm looking at it. This is so got a code.

• 23:49Griffin McElroy?

  When all the Q guys bailed because of the obvious reasons why they did that, that's just part of it.

• 23:56Travis McElroy?

  That's part of it. That was all part of the plan.

• 23:59Griffin McElroy?

  This is what they call the trial of belief. And Q warned us about this stuff. You gotta pay attention. Push through, guys.

• 24:08Travis McElroy?

  Push through the lies. See the truth.

• 24:11Griffin McElroy?

  In your eyes and realize.

• 24:13Travis McElroy?

  That real eyes tell real lies.

• 24:17Griffin McElroy?

  And we're real guys.

• 24:20Travis McElroy?

  Doing our best.

• 24:21Griffin McElroy?

  Doing our best.

• 24:23Travis McElroy?

  Were we still talking about perfume or are we done?

• 24:25Travis McElroy?

  I think so.

• 24:27Griffin McElroy?

  I, there's so.

• 24:29Travis McElroy?

  If there's a real, there's a real part of this I would like to engage with honestly, though. If we could send jokes over for a second. It does seem weird to me that like in an office where the reason I stopped doing fragrances is because I encountered enough people for whom allergies were like a serious concern, right? Where it's like, wow, you really messed me up with this. So it feels weird to just like load up the office like the, I don't know. In a, in a, in a context like that, it feels weird to just have these little like bombs of,

• 25:00Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 25:01Travis McElroy?

  Very assertive smell. And then you're, even if it's not an allergy thing to like load people up and then send them back into the office. Fully like tanked up. I don't know. It seems.

• 25:11Griffin McElroy?

  Putting all that in maybe the most necessary room of any building, which is the restroom and turning it into a sort of allergy test. You don't, you don't walk into a bathroom and there's peanut shells all over the ground and hay, hay all over the walls.

• 25:28Travis McElroy?

  Just long haired cats everywhere.

• 25:30Griffin McElroy?

  Cats going around.

• 25:33Travis McElroy?

  Cats on a hot tin roof. Travis, did you, you could talk about that if you wanted to.

• 25:36Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my idea of, yeah, cats on a hot tin roof where it's a production.

• 25:41Travis McElroy?

  That happened organically.

• 25:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:42Travis McElroy?

  You see that?

• 25:43Griffin McElroy?

  Justin took one of the ideas you texted us about.

• 25:45Travis McElroy?

  But everyone's dressed in costumes from the show Cats.

• 25:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:49Travis McElroy?

  Right? And then that evolved, as Theresa and I talked about it, into fiddler cats on a hot tin roof.

• 25:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it combines all the shows into one.

• 25:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Travis McElroy?

  Spam a lot.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  A while ago, we had some pretty heavy rain and I noticed that a neighbor's passenger side door was wide open in the rain and possibly near dwells. The car was parked on the street and I decided to walk over and close the door. It felt very weird. I was wondering if I should have knocked on the front door to let them know, but what would I even say? What would be the best thing to do in this situation? That's from non-wet neighbor in the true north, Canada. Friends, we gotta get okay with this kind of thing. We gotta look out for each other and not worry about it.

• 26:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:30Travis McElroy?

  You need, you know, somebody needed you to do them a solid and you did them a solid. It's the least we could owe each other. Like the least you could do, you know?

• 26:38Travis McElroy?

  You overcame that fear and did a good thing.

• 26:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:44Travis McElroy?

  You know, people forget that sometimes.

• 26:47Travis McElroy?

  I watch a lot of weird supernatural shows and a lot of like, you know, crime mystery things. I think that, is it okay to shut someone's, I don't know. But if I saw a door.

• 26:58Griffin McElroy?

  Is it okay to what?

• 26:59Travis McElroy?

  Is it okay to like touch someone's car and shut the door for them? I don't know. But if I saw passenger side.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  You can't just advocate, abdicate judgment.

• 27:09Travis McElroy?

  It's okay. You did it.

• 27:10Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 27:11Travis McElroy?

  And I see it sitting open in the rain, something's happened. This is a crime scene. You know what I mean? There's been a disappearance. And I worry about getting fingerprints on there and now I'm.

• 27:24Travis McElroy?

  Use your foot. No, it's not that Travis. My dumb ass left the door open. You know what I mean? Like my dumb ass just walked away and left the door open. This is my, this someone is like, there's nothing happened. It's just someone was a dumb ass. Just somebody's dumb ass left the door open. It was me spiritually. You know what I mean? Karmically.

• 27:44Griffin McElroy?

  Ninety-nine, ninety-nine out of a hundred times.

• 27:47Travis McElroy?

  It's me.

• 27:48Griffin McElroy?

  It's you being a dumb ass left the door.

• 27:50Travis McElroy?

  It's always Justin.

• 27:51Griffin McElroy?

  But that one time where you got gongerled and we didn't do anything about it.

• 27:58Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna keep, that's gonna keep me up for the one time that you actually get Gone Girl. That's why the car door was open.

• 28:03Travis McElroy?

  If I, here's, here's how this happens to me. I leave the door open because I'm still getting things out of the car. And I think, well, that'd be such a pain to reopen when I get back out here for all this other great stuff I have. So I'll just leave it open. And then I get into my house and I get distracted by, uh, my wife and all my other gray stuff. So I forget about the stuff in the car. I don't need it anymore.

• 28:26Griffin McElroy?

  You need a pause of the thought.

• 28:28Travis McElroy?

  Okay, you're right. But a period. My wife.

• 28:33Travis McElroy?

  I think I'm paranoid that you guys will, I think that's why I'm rushing. You know what I mean? Like I want to get past.

• 28:37Griffin McElroy?

  Because you thought we were bored. No.

• 28:38Travis McElroy?

  I was weird. I was worried about it. But like, I wanted to. I get in there and then I forget about the car and then I go out a little bit later and like, you. I, I have some words for myself. You know what I mean? A few thoughts that I'd like to share.

• 28:51Griffin McElroy?

  Kind words?

• 28:52Travis McElroy?

  Somebody could have spared me that. If they just wandered into my garage and shut my door, I would have forgotten about the whole thing.

• 28:57Griffin McElroy?

  Or.

• 29:00Griffin McElroy?

  A big, a big fan, a big fan of our work, maybe gets a little too invested in it and juice naps you right out of your car, right out of your autumn, the backseat of your automobile. And then you're telling me and Travis to just sit on that and not rescue you like in Gone Girl?

• 29:17Travis McElroy?

  That someone got the chop on me on my property? Is that what you're trying to convince me of?

• 29:22Travis McElroy?

  Well, you did just say you're finally someone walking into your garage.

• 29:25Travis McElroy?

  You've got to put me outside West Virginia. There's no way. There's no way.

• 29:29Griffin McElroy?

  You're on home turf.

• 29:29Travis McElroy?

  There's no way.

• 29:30Travis McElroy?

  You've gone on one of your many hikes through the Appalachia Mountains.

• 29:34Travis McElroy?

  Accidentally crossed the state line?

• 29:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:36Travis McElroy?

  Through the Appalachia Trail.

• 29:37Travis McElroy?

  And you were driving.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  Too far.

• 29:39Travis McElroy?

  So you're driving along the Appalachian Trail.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 29:42Travis McElroy?

  In the passenger seat.

• 29:44Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 29:45Travis McElroy?

  And, but steering from the passenger seat like you do to fully enjoy nature. And someone sneaks up on you while you're driving and pulls you out of your car. And then puts your car back at your house with the passenger door still open.

• 30:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:02Travis McElroy?

  And we're just supposed to close the door without thinking about it?

• 30:04Travis McElroy?

  It's their fault. If they let, if they move the car and leave the door open, then that's on them. That's their fault.

• 30:10Griffin McElroy?

  That is a pretty big clue actually to leave behind.

• 30:12Travis McElroy?

  They shouldn't have done that.

• 30:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:14Travis McElroy?

  That was thoughtless.

• 30:16Griffin McElroy?

  I, they never caught the Zodiac guy and it feels like he would be absolutely, he would go Gaga for juice.

• 30:23Travis McElroy?

  Never caught Jack the Ripper.

• 30:25Griffin McElroy?

  He's probably got time, probably got him.

• 30:28Travis McElroy?

  You don't know that.

• 30:29Griffin McElroy?

  The Zodiac guy would actually probably be pretty old also, I think too. So you could probably take.

• 30:33Travis McElroy?

  I mean, that's assuming human mortality. I've got some theories to tell you guys.

• 30:38Travis McElroy?

  There's also the possibility that Jack the Ripper's been passing down his knives like the Green Lantern.

• 30:42Travis McElroy?

  There you go.

• 30:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. All right.

• 30:44Travis McElroy?

  He's still out there.

• 30:45Griffin McElroy?

  Expand on.

• 30:46Travis McElroy?

  Or should I say they? Maybe.

• 30:48Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 30:49Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 30:50Travis McElroy?

  You don't know.

• 30:51Travis McElroy?

  2026, anyone could be Jack the Ripper.

• 30:53Travis McElroy?

  6, anybody can be Jack the Ripper.

• 30:54Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 30:55Travis McElroy?

  Any gender can be Jack the Ripper.

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  That's beautiful.

• 30:57Griffin McElroy?

  I would green light whatever.

• 30:59Travis McElroy?

  Happy Pride, everybody.

• 31:00Griffin McElroy?

  I would.

• 31:00Travis McElroy?

  Anyone, Happy Pride, anyone regardless of gender, identity, or sexuality can be Jack the Ripper. Liferity, inclusivity, and murder.

• 31:10Griffin McElroy?

  One of England's most horrible, horrible murderers.

• 31:13Travis McElroy?

  Could be anybody.

• 31:15Travis McElroy?

  Doesn't have to just be England anymore, Griffin.

• 31:17Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 31:17Griffin McElroy?

  We're going worldwide.

• 31:19Travis McElroy?

  Could be an Indian Jack the Ripper.

• 31:20Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 31:21Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 31:23Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 31:24Travis McElroy?

  Cool. Perhaps a Jose the Ripper. You don't have to limit it globally. He could be anywhere.

• 31:30Travis McElroy?

  Jacqueline the Ripper.

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  Jacqueline the Ripper, thank you.

• 31:33Travis McElroy?

  You're welcome.

• 31:34Griffin McElroy?

  Rip the Rip, Rip the Ripper. It's Rip Torn.

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  Or it's Rip from Yellowstone.

• 31:39Griffin McElroy?

  That's not, we're done.

• 31:51Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sort of a fashion guy.

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:55Griffin McElroy?

  And I think people wait on me before they get sort of approval on some new looks they might be kicking around, thinking about experimenting with. And when I say some people, I mean you guys. I styled both Justin and Travis today. As you can see, I told Justin that blue is really gonna make the eyes pop. I told Travis that gray is really gonna make the eyes pop.

• 32:17Travis McElroy?

  Griffin also told me that these tiny stripes are gonna make it hard to show up on video.

• 32:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I said it's gonna absolutely dazzle your camera sensors. So if you trust what I have to say about fashion, then let me give my strongest personal endorsement to the. Bonobos clothing brand, our sponsor this week. Bonobos, I mean, gosh, man, I've, I've worn a lot of Bonobos in the past. I like the way they look. I like the way that they fit. I like their summertime options and now they're sponsoring us. They sent me some clothes, guys, and it is, it's one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. I got a light linen boardwalk pant

• 33:04Griffin McElroy?

  that you can't get off of me. I wear these things till the, till the, till the crotch wears out and that won't happen for, until the heat death of the universe. Because Bonobos makes such quality stuff. Got myself a nice pair of jeans. It just right around the tuchus.

• 33:21Travis McElroy?

  Make it look juicy?

• 33:23Griffin McElroy?

  They make me look juicy right where I want to look juicy.

• 33:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:26Griffin McElroy?

  Which is the jeans area. But Bonobos originally was sort of, it came, came to power, rose to power because of the, the perfect fit that they've engineered in their men's pants. And now they've got that for, for your whole wardrobe. All of the stuff that I got sent to me by Bonobos fits really perfectly. I got a nice blue, kind of like seersucker, short sleeve button up. And it fits great. That's a, that's a part of my body that is difficult to dress sometimes. And they've done a really exquisite job with this.

• 33:58Travis McElroy?

  The specificity of this ad, I've never heard in any clothing ad in my.

• 34:02Griffin McElroy?

  I'm very excited about the Bonobos gear, the kit that I've gotten, these boardwalk.

• 34:08Travis McElroy?

  But there's never been a clothing ad with so much inbuilt shame. Like, I need you to love yourself first and then love these clothes.

• 34:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:15Travis McElroy?

  Don't talk about how hard your body is to cover. My weird elbows have never been clothed appropriately.

• 34:21Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, well, no, it's just, there's, Bonobos has done a really great job of hiding my terrible, greasy husk.

• 34:31Travis McElroy?

  Hide your husk.

• 34:33Griffin McElroy?

  This shambling pile of skin and mistakes.

• 34:38Travis McElroy?

  Do your elbows bend the wrong way?

• 34:40Griffin McElroy?

  My camera keeps getting out of focus because it doesn't even want to see my terrible body, my horrible body. Get back in, motherfucker. Bonobos.

• 34:49Travis McElroy?

  Get back in, motherfucker.

• 34:50Griffin McElroy?

  Get back into Bonobos. Really, they're terrific clothes. And you probably knew that already if you're kind of a clothes head like me, but if not, go put on your Bonobos, feel good, get on with your day. Right now, head to bonobos.com/MyBrother and use code MYBROTHER for 25% off of your order. Once again, that's B-O-N-O-B-O-S.com/MyBrother for 25% off, and make sure you use our promo code MYBROTHER so they know we sent you.

• 35:18Travis McElroy?

  Then they'll, they won't like keep the door locked or whatever. If you're like, the Magrave Brothers sent me, they're like, oh, come in.

• 35:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, when you go to bonobos.com/MyBrother, there's a big metal door with one of those little slots on it. It's gonna slide open. You'll hear a voice say, uh, "Yeah." That's when you let them know we sent you. You'll be let inside.

• 35:40Travis McElroy?

  And he says, "That's a horse of a different color," and throws it open and there's a whole musical number welcoming you in.

• 35:46Griffin McElroy?

  Don't look at anyone in the eyes. Don't. If someone invites you to play the quote "knife game" in there, don't fucking do it, man.

• 35:56Travis McElroy?

  And if you do, win.

• 35:57Griffin McElroy?

  If you, well, yeah, I mean, that's sort of your only option. If you don't win the knife game, uh, nothing else is really gonna be a problem ever again.

• 36:05Travis McElroy?

  And it is safe to eat and drink. Yeah.

• 36:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you can eat and drink in there. Yeah, they won't like take your, take your soul.

• 36:12Travis McElroy?

  Not the pomegranates. No, that's the one thing.

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  If someone says, "You wanna try on these comfortable linen boardwalk pants?" Say yes to that, because they're great. They're terrific pants.

• 36:23Travis McElroy?

  And if they said, "You have any children you're willing to spare?" Say no.

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  Say that's a no.

• 36:30Speaker 05

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• 37:13Speaker 06

  Hello?

• 37:14Speaker 07

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• 37:17Speaker 06

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• 37:19Speaker 07

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• 37:24Speaker 06

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic wants, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

• 37:42Speaker 07

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• 37:44Speaker 06

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 37:50Speaker 07

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• 37:52Speaker 06

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 38:01Travis McElroy?

  Haunted object watch. Not just dolls today. Well, you do have a couple haunted dolls, but there was a haunted object on the electronic bay that has a local flair that I wanted to share with you all.

• 38:17Travis McElroy?

  Local energy, if you will.

• 38:22Travis McElroy?

  Let me show you our first haunted object, and it's just this. It's just this piano. Now, you're not buying a haunted piano, and I think, first of all, this is a great idea for a listing. You show them a picture of a piano, then you clarify a little bit lower. Just to be clear here, you're purchasing one key from the piano. I see. People have sold haunted piano keys before, but this is a different, yeah. Seven years ago, I purchased a used piano at C A House Music in West Virginia.

• 38:56Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  After having the piano delivered and placed in our sunroom, we noticed many random unsettling occurrences. They usually began once everyone went to bed late at night. We would randomly hear, maybe it happens in the afternoon at your work. People never want to talk about that, but during the day you're watching House Hunters International. You don't hear.

• 39:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:18Travis McElroy?

  The ghosts, you know?

• 39:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:21Travis McElroy?

  We would immediately, we'd hear where the key strike immediately after I would walk in to find no one or nothing in the room. I read online that bringing a haunted or spirit attached item into a home, often via antique shops or second hand purchases, can introduce paranormal activity, including unexplained noises. So anyone who orders a key will receive a transcript from an interview done with the piano's owner.

• 39:49Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. So that's really what you're paying the $39 for.

• 39:52Travis McElroy?

  I've never heard of such a thing. You get this piano key and then you're gonna get one that's like piece of printer paper.

• 40:01Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I was curious because we've done haunted piano keys before where the heat, the new heat was for this one. This is a bold innovation in haunted doll technology.

• 40:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to figure out what problem that solves, like as though a typed up piece of paper is in somehow proof of authenticity of a haunting. Like is this piano key haunted? It sure is. Well, there you go. It's worse trap. As soon as the filming began of the interview with the owner, as soon as the filming began, there were issues, issues with the lighting, sound and mechanical errors that couldn't be explained. Some of the footage was unusable, which forced me to write a transcript to inform everyone what was described during the interview.

• 40:41Griffin McElroy?

  So it's not even.

• 40:42Travis McElroy?

  Our record, at some point, the video recording stops and we have only these, these handwritten notes.

• 40:50Travis McElroy?

  To justify these unexplained occurrences.

• 40:53Griffin McElroy?

  We gotta start blaming our tech issues on

• 40:56Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 40:56Griffin McElroy?

  ghouls and ghosts.

• 40:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Griffin McElroy?

  Because that's a, that's a great, you, no one can argue with that.

• 41:00Travis McElroy?

  I wrote the rest of their jokes down.

• 41:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I couldn't play Nancy Drew on stream because it's haunted.

• 41:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  Woo.

• 41:07Travis McElroy?

  Woo. Uh, a white or black key will be randomly selected and shipped to me eBay's shipping policy. And if you're mad about it, they know you're racist.

• 41:15Griffin McElroy?

  They got you.

• 41:16Travis McElroy?

  Well, one's bigger than the other.

• 41:18Travis McElroy?

  Okay, Trav, that's just.

• 41:20Travis McElroy?

  It's gonna hold more ghosts.

• 41:22Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. Did they, did this person even stop to think that maybe these 88 keys don't want to be separated from each other? They're like a family unit and you split it, splitting up the family like this is gonna lead to.

• 41:35Travis McElroy?

  They didn't even think about it, Griff. Uh, uh, they didn't even think.

• 41:38Griffin McElroy?

  I'm going to pay the $3,400 required to purchase every single key. I'm gonna put this thing back together, ship of thesis style.

• 41:45Travis McElroy?

  Now it says here eight have been sold, Griffin, so you'll have to hunt down those eight. Oh, no!

• 41:50Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck you, dude. Don't put this.

• 41:52Travis McElroy?

  No, it's not mine!

• 41:54Griffin McElroy?

  A new challenger approaches the arena.

• 41:58Travis McElroy?

  With a, with a sassy head tilt, challenging you to think about death.

• 42:02Travis McElroy?

  How would you, how would you describe this one?

• 42:04Griffin McElroy?

  Well, we're talking baby doll from the neck down and then from the neck up. It's a skull with long white hair.

• 42:10Travis McElroy?

  There's also something going on with that hand there, Griffin.

• 42:13Griffin McElroy?

  There is something going on with that hand. I'm, I'm struggling to maximize the image. Wide enough.

• 42:20Travis McElroy?

  It's framed and backgrounded like a child's spring school photo.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's not good.

• 42:27Griffin McElroy?

  If your child was red skull, the bad guy from Captain America.

• 42:32Travis McElroy?

  Uh, here's a, here's a story on this one though.

• 42:34Travis McElroy?

  From American Girl doll. Tabitha.

• 42:39Travis McElroy?

  The listing is actually what caught my eye with this one because you don't see a lot of this. This is a new approach.

• 42:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 42:44Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, huh?

• 42:45Travis McElroy?

  Scare, scary doll.

• 42:48Travis McElroy?

  Probably not haunted.

• 42:50Travis McElroy?

  Probably not haunted.

• 42:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean, if I were a ghost, I don't think I would go up into a doll that had a skull head. I don't think-

• 42:57Travis McElroy?

  No, they'd see that coming a mile away.

• 42:59Griffin McElroy?

  An aftermarket skull head. This is not, you know-

• 43:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, this is a handmade, this one of a kind scary doll is a collectible item, perfect for fans of science fiction and horror genres. Since it's one of one, I'm assuming collectible and this just means you're afraid to throw it in the garbage.

• 43:17Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 43:17Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, someone might see it.

• 43:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, this eerie toy is sure to thrill and terrify any collector, adding a spooky touch to their collection. It's haunted design and creepy appearance making a must have for those who enjoy the more sinister aspects of sci fi and horror. She wears a custom made foam filled latex head with individually punched hairs and attitude to spare.

• 43:39Travis McElroy?

  I know what I'm getting Cooper for her birthday.

• 43:42Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 43:42Griffin McElroy?

  Cooper would love this shit, man.

• 43:44Travis McElroy?

  Best of all, she's probably not haunted at all.

• 43:48Travis McElroy?

  Huh, at all?

• 43:49Griffin McElroy?

  That's so interesting.

• 43:51Travis McElroy?

  It's an interesting approach, isn't it?

• 43:52Griffin McElroy?

  The introduction of probably there?

• 43:56Travis McElroy?

  Probably not.

• 43:57Griffin McElroy?

  Suggests that maybe everything is probably not haunted, because you can't say for sure one way or the other. No one's really-

• 44:03Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 44:04Griffin McElroy?

  Fully affirm the existence of ghosts and therefore you cannot fully de-firm the existence and a universal saturation of ghosts.

• 44:13Travis McElroy?

  Anything could be a dormant haunted object.

• 44:16Griffin McElroy?

  Probably, probably not though, but-

• 44:20Travis McElroy?

  But it could be.

• 44:22Travis McElroy?

  The absence of proof isn't proof, you know?

• 44:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, Trav, you're ready for this debate botting.

• 44:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you are, you sound like you've already taken a few punches, my man. Uh, here we go. And I mean that as a compliment in this sense. This is my last guy. I freaking am wild about this guy.

• 44:39Griffin McElroy?

  So we're looking at a clown and his legs and arms are big, long curly potato fry sort of spiral.

• 44:46Travis McElroy?

  Knits, like curly fry crochets.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  He has no torso.

• 44:51Griffin McElroy?

  He has no torso. He's legs all the way down.

• 44:55Travis McElroy?

  Uh, this is Andy.

• 44:56Travis McElroy?

  He is basically, he's the scale of a person with a torso, but his legs started his neck.

• 45:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. After we had a haunted piano and a probably not haunted doll, I wanted to bring it home with a classic, one that's definitely, definitely haunted. Andy's vessel is a 15 inches in length, used, good vintage condition, handmade vintage vessel from the 1970s. Andy is a negative trickster spirit who died in 1999. He said, "I was killed in a car crash when I drove drunk." And he said that no one else was killed. That's what I'm talking about.

• 45:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 45:34Travis McElroy?

  That's a ghost with specificity. Oh, the year 1999. Everybody was grooving to Prince. And I drove drunk and I killed myself.

• 45:43Travis McElroy?

  I was just worried about Y2K.

• 45:45Travis McElroy?

  I was worried about Y2K and I got drunk and I drove and I died, just me, no problem.

• 45:50Travis McElroy?

  It was just me though. Nobody else died, so you don't have to feel bad about that part of the story. And yeah, I died, but I was completely at fault and deserved it. Did I have a family? No, I did not.

• 46:02Travis McElroy?

  No, I did not. No family, no pets, no connections. Travis, I would like to ask you to play the role of Andy here because Andy is asked in this listing for more follow-up on his bio. And here's, here's what Andy said. I slacked it to you if you wouldn't mind.

• 46:20Travis McElroy?

  I lived in Maryland with my wife and kids and I was a welder. I killed a dog by accident when it ran in front of my car and that is how I died. I swerved off the road and hit a tree. I was drunk. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and that is why I'm a negative trickster. I want other people to feel angry like I do. I've been in therapy for a while now.

• 46:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, why do we need so many layers, Andy? I lived in my life with my wife and kids who was a welder. Fine. I killed a dog by accident when it ran in front of my car and that's how I died. So Andy hit a dog, killed it, swerved, hit a tree, killed himself, and it was also drunk at the time.

• 47:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he hit the dog.

• 47:02Travis McElroy?

  Then swerved?

• 47:03Travis McElroy?

  What happened, Andy?

• 47:04Travis McElroy?

  Kill the dog.

• 47:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Andy did a little.

• 47:07Travis McElroy?

  I swerved to kill the dog.

• 47:10Travis McElroy?

  And then I hit a tree.

• 47:12Griffin McElroy?

  Andy did a hack of a. Andy did a hack of the trolley problem. Where he went down and he blasted the five people on one side. And then he threw the thing in reverse.

• 47:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. On one side of the road, there's nothing. On the other side of the road, there's a shithead dog and a tree and my dumb drunk ass. Well, I can handle all of them with one. And listen, I know that, hi, this is Andy again. I know it seems very self-aware that I understand that the reason I'm a trickster spirit is because I want everyone to be as angry as I am. And yeah, I'm working on that. Okay. It's, that's a me prime. Yeah, I meet with Dr. Stevens once a week. And we talk through this. Also, you will need to set me up with a computer with Zoom capabilities for my weekly therapy. Thank you very much.

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  And Dr. Stevens is a ghost that haunts a speak and spell machine. And so, yeah, our therapy takes a little while.

• 47:59Travis McElroy?

  He's like, A R U S.

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  And you're gonna need to pay for it, cuz I don't have health insurance. Cuz I'm a haunted doll.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  Now, don't worry here, guys. Andy isn't a kind spirit because his intentions aren't pure.

• 48:14Travis McElroy?

  No shit.

• 48:14Travis McElroy?

  He's not, he's not physically mean. That's what it says. He's not physically mean. He doesn't physically hurt people or other spirits. His thing is getting under people's skin and turning them against each other. Basically, he like.

• 48:31Griffin McElroy?

  Andy's a real missing step, it seems like. Like, people know how to like get by when Andy's around and not sort of make the situation worse. And he's never physically mean.

• 48:41Travis McElroy?

  He's a very toxic sort of like.

• 48:42Travis McElroy?

  Did you hear what Doug said about you?

• 48:44Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, doesn't he look tired? I keep an eye out for random objects out of place. That's how he likes to try to get under people's skin. He also likes to annoy other spirits. My little girl's spirit named Serena said that Andy likes to mess with her hair to annoy her. Andy would pair well with a keeper that has at least some experience.

• 49:03Griffin McElroy?

  Keeper? Is that the parlance?

• 49:05Travis McElroy?

  Human. A human keeper.

• 49:07Travis McElroy?

  I. I can't get over here. I know they're wanting to tell me that.

• 49:12Travis McElroy?

  He's a mean trickster spirit, but they have clearly posed him in this photo in such a nonchalant way.

• 49:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, he does.

• 49:19Travis McElroy?

  Me, Andy.

• 49:20Griffin McElroy?

  I think I want Andy.

• 49:22Travis McElroy?

  I might buy Andy, guys. Andy's forty five bucks. That seems like a good deal, right? That seems like a good guy to have around.

• 49:27Griffin McElroy?

  He's a crocheted sort of clown doll. I, yeah, I guess forty five is pretty fair.

• 49:33Travis McElroy?

  And that's white crochet, and that's from the seventies, looking crisp.

• 49:37Griffin McElroy?

  Whoop, that's an, oh, you already did buy it.

• 49:40Travis McElroy?

  Fuck, I'm gonna really regret that.

• 49:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:43Travis McElroy?

  Man, I'm really not understand that when it shows up.

• 49:46Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, financially, it's fine. Like, I'll get forty five dollars of entertainment out of it for the audience, if nothing else.

• 49:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:52Griffin McElroy?

  Um, that's their money. That's where they want their money to go. If their money, if their donations are not being spent by the Andys of the world, what are we doing?

• 49:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I work for a local news station as a producer. Part of my job is to give the anchors and reporters time cues when we're live on air. Ninety seconds to air, one minute, thirty seconds, ten seconds, and stand by. One of my fellow producers has spiced up the cue, saying things like, one minute, time to feel it. Thirty out, try not to shout. Whew. Man, sorry, that would just really rose the hairs of the back of my neck. I don't hear that every day. Ha, man.

• 50:27Travis McElroy?

  That's tough.

• 50:28Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, I, oh, man. So, oh, uh, similar to how they call it orders at certain cheeky fast food places. What are some snappier, funnier ways to cue in the anchors, preferably rhymes? That's from aspiring to amuse in Albuquerque.

• 50:43Travis McElroy?

  Whew. This is a chunky one, man. Shit. This is imagining someone do this in my proximity every day.

• 50:52Griffin McElroy?

  Mm hmm.

• 50:54Griffin McElroy?

  Pretty nifty, we got sixty. Like, dude, please, there's, there's been so much terrible news today. This is gonna be a really heavy, can you please not? Feeling flirty, we got thirty.

• 51:06Griffin McElroy?

  There was a terrible bus. There was a terrible bus incident that we're gonna have to talk about. It's gonna be the first time a lot of people are. Ten, ten, my good friend.

• 51:15Travis McElroy?

  Maybe it's more validating and it's like, it's okay to hurtie, but we're on in thirty, right? So that way it's like you're feeling your feelings and that's okay, but we do need to do the news in thirty seconds.

• 51:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. If you're willing to think outside the bun a little bit, you could step away from kind of vocal cues like that. And instead have another way of marking the time. You could do the, the Chicago Bulls theme song, Serious by the Alan Parsons Project. That's about a two minute long track. So if you throw that on and they know, once the starts to like fade down, they're like, it's almost news time. And you could say, maybe it's, maybe you, you could really do every, you get rid of all of it, except for like the five second one. And just be like, holy shit, news time. And they know to like.

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  I mean, the best to do it with is Roundball Rock by John Tesh, cause that gets everybody pumped every time. But what if it's still playing when you go live? John Tesh sues you.

• 52:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, fuck.

• 52:17Travis McElroy?

  Cause you use Roundball Rock without the permission, the express print permission of NBC and the NBA and John Tesh.

• 52:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You play one nanosecond of that.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  Boom, ba, ba.

• 52:28Griffin McElroy?

  Nope. You're fucked.

• 52:29Travis McElroy?

  Cancelled.

• 52:30Travis McElroy?

  Now we are, now we're fucked.

• 52:32Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 52:32Griffin McElroy?

  Now that I think about it, Alan, Alan Parsons would come after your ass too. He would, he, again, these are iconic basketball songs, gang.

• 52:39Travis McElroy?

  They might come together.

• 52:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Travis McElroy?

  Maybe, you know what always gets someone hyped is like in a movie when someone diffuses a time bomb at the last second?

• 52:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:49Travis McElroy?

  If you can build like, obviously a dummy timer, you don't want real explosive, come on, we're playing around here. But like that you diffuse on the last second before every like broadcast.

• 53:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:02Travis McElroy?

  And someone's like calling out like, we only have thirty seconds left. Five seconds. And then you cut the wire at the last second every time and then pointed them to go, right? And they're gonna go into it with a lot of hype and maybe it's like a glitter bomb. Maybe it is like paintball or something. Right? So it does have some.

• 53:19Griffin McElroy?

  That's good. Yeah.

• 53:20Travis McElroy?

  Kind of like stakes to it.

• 53:21Travis McElroy?

  Could you go out and clip their tie in half like they do on West Wing? Just do it every episode of the news.

• 53:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:26Travis McElroy?

  Just every news episode right before they. Or cut a little bit of the tile every time so they can get more than one wear out of it.

• 53:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:34Travis McElroy?

  So you're just cutting off like five percent.

• 53:36Griffin McElroy?

  We're not made of money.

• 53:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:38Griffin McElroy?

  Is it possible, is it possible that maybe news broadcasts have become a bit too formal? Because everyone's favorite shit is like news bloopers or like someone but an anchor busts up another anchor on the news or.

• 53:56Travis McElroy?

  Or like they draw a wedding, whatever pattern it looks like a penis.

• 54:00Griffin McElroy?

  They draw a weather pattern, it looks like a penis or like.

• 54:02Travis McElroy?

  You must not have watched the news lately. WSZ now is just a half hour of Tim Eare eating Nutella out of a cup with a spoon. There's like no news anyway. He's just kicking it.

• 54:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's a huge advancement, I feel like, in news broadcast technology. Maybe don't do a countdown. Maybe join them in the middle of a convo about, you know, the.

• 54:22Travis McElroy?

  That would be cool. That would be cool. It's like organic. Like you want to stay and see what the conversation is.

• 54:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. They're gonna talk about the news eventually. Yeah.

• 54:32Travis McElroy?

  It's a modern water cooler, guys. Yes.

• 54:34Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. The anchors aren't delivering to camera anymore. They're just talking to each other like, oh, hey, did you hear about this Nasdaq? Yeah, they'll mention it to each other in a casual hang environment.

• 54:44Travis McElroy?

  And maybe they box between segments.

• 54:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 54:48Travis McElroy?

  When you, maybe then you don't need the countdown. It's just like you feel the vibe.

• 54:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 54:53Travis McElroy?

  And that, we were trying to convince Miggy to do that yesterday. We were playing, playing that Dark Souls. Like just whenever the groove feels right, just go ahead and like start the video.

• 55:04Travis McElroy?

  Just whenever, just like feel it.

• 55:09Travis McElroy?

  I, I don't have any, I watched Wayne's World enough times that there's parts of my brain that are just replaced with Wayne's World. So for me, it's just a five, four. And then Wayne has to say, uh, excuse me, I believe I requested the handjob.

• 55:23Griffin McElroy?

  It's a good one.

• 55:25Travis McElroy?

  It's a good one. It's a good film. Uh, thank you so much for listening to our podcast, My Brother, My Brother, Me. It's one of the best ones out there for sure. Uh, that's why I think at least. Story and Song is our last graphic novel adaptation of The Balance Arc. It is a big book that you could preorder right now at theadventures.com. And if you're in the. Neighborhood of Boston, you can come and uh, uh, uh, see us at a big launch event there July 16th at 7pm at the Chevalier Theater. Each ticket includes a signed paperback copy of Story and Song, provided by Brookline Booksmith. So, thanks.

• 56:03Travis McElroy?

  Theadventurezonecomic.com.

• 56:04Griffin McElroy?

  We got some new merch in the merch store, macquarie merch.com. I mean, I don't know how new it is, it's been there for the whole month of June, but it's still really rad stuff. Uh, we got, uh, speaking of task balance, a You're Going to be Amazing shirt design. Uh, it's created by Sabrina Volante, uh, proceeds from that shirt go to Lambda Legal. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ plus people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work. Um, hey, big thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Um, it's, but Montaigne's whole catalog, uh, is, is so, uh, dense with jammers.

• 56:48Griffin McElroy?

  And they've really run the gamut of different kind of, uh, musical achievements across their, uh, body of work. It's such an adventure to go on every time you, you know, throw it on shuffle and just, just have a little listen. So, thanks, Montaigne.

• 57:03Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, Montaigne. Thanks to you for listening. Appreciate you.

• 57:07Travis McElroy?

  Is your cup empty yet, Justin? Could you throw your cup?

• 57:10Travis McElroy?

  No, dude. No. And the worst part about it is like, you can never get it empty enough that the protein doesn't harden into little flakes.

• 57:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:19Travis McElroy?

  Thanks. I have this, uh, well, hard drive that has the entirety of DOS game library on it.

• 57:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, are you willing to risk that?

• 57:27Travis McElroy?

  I got it. No, I threw the tripod recently. Oh, TV remote. Look at this. I could really chuck this guy.

• 57:31Travis McElroy?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 57:33Travis McElroy?

  Let me throw this, Griff.

• 57:34Griffin McElroy?

  I have a used PlayStation 2 copy of Kingdom Hearts.

• 57:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah, I'm glad it's not your new one. You keep wrapped.

• 57:53Travis McElroy?

  Yes! That was the most fitful throw you've ever had! Yeah, man. That was fantastic. Great job, Griff. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 58:02Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 58:03Travis McElroy?

  This has been "By My Brother, My Brother, Me, Kiss Your Dad" square in the lips.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.