12 (Stoic) Questions That Will Change Your Life

On today’s episode of the podcast Ryan gives you 12 Questions that will change your life. Gathered from some of the wisest philosophers, most incisive thinkers, greatest leaders and most awesome badasses that ever lived. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/X5JwF5pwR34Novo is the #1 Business Banking App - because it’s built from the ground up to be powerfully simple and free business banking that Money Magazine called the Best Business Checking Account of 2021. Novo makes banking easy and secure - you can manage your account in Novo’s customizable web, android, and iOS apps with built in profit first accounting and invoicing. Get your FREE business banking account in just 10 minutes at https://banknovo.com/STOICTalkspace is an online and mobile therapy company. Talkspace lets you send and receive unlimited messages with your dedicated therapist in the Talkspace platform 24/7. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code STOIC to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show. Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://DailyStoic.com/signupFollow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the weekend edition of The Daily Stoic. Each weekday, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, something to help you live up to those four Stoic virtues of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom. And then here on the weekend, we take a deeper dive into those same topics. We interview Stoic philosophers. We explore at length how these Stoic ideas can be applied to our actual lives and the challenging issues of our time. Here on the weekend, when you have a little bit more space, when things have slowed down, be sure to take some time to think, to go for a walk, to sit with your journal,

• 0:46Ryan Holiday?

  and most importantly, to prepare for what the week ahead may bring. It is interesting to think that most of the Stoics were financially successful. They were leaders, they were entrepreneurs, they were politicians, they were artists. So there's really nothing in Stoicism that's anti-money or success. I think all the four virtues of the Stoics, courage, temperance, justice, wisdom, apply well to the idea of investing and money management. And that is why I love today's sponsor. Novo is the number one business banking app. With Novo, there are no minimum balances, no transaction limits, no hidden fee. Sign up for free in under 10 minutes at banknovo.com/stoic and they'll mail you a Novo debit card that you can use for free at any ATM.

• 1:31Ryan Holiday?

  Novo makes banking easy and secure. You can manage your account in Novo's customizable web, Android, and iOS apps. Get your free business banking account in 10 minutes at banknovo.com/stoic. That's bank, N-O-V-O, dot com slash stoic to sign up for free right now and get a free copy of Novo's Small Business Starter Guide, banknovo.com/stoic. Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another weekend episode of The Daily Stoic. I think our impulse is to look for answers, right? We want answers. Viktor Frankl talks about this. He says, you know, people want to be told. What the meaning of life is, instead of probing that question.

• 2:13Ryan Holiday?

  You know, it's really though, it's these questions that teach us, especially like rhetorical questions. I think this is what Zen Buddhism is really about, these sort of impossible to answer questions. It's in wrestling with them that we learn. The ones that don't seem to have an answer that push and push us the hardest. Who do you think you are? What does this all mean? Why? Why? Why? Why is the really powerful question? So the right question at the right time in your life can change everything. It can still a turbulent mind, it can heal an angry heart, it can, it can give you a new perspective.

• 2:55Ryan Holiday?

  And so in today's episode, I wanted to give you some questions I like to wrestle with, that I like to journal about, that I like to ask myself on a regular basis. They've been the source of lots of articles I've written, they've been source of some of our most popular social media posts, they're also the source of a really popular YouTube video we did earlier this year, which you can check out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com/dailystoic. But here it is in audio form, some provocative questions, some of which I admittedly stole from wise philosophers and incisive thinkers and great leaders and awesome badasses. But I'm, and I'm definitely not saying I know the answers to these questions, but

• 3:38Ryan Holiday?

  I am telling you there has been value in letting them challenge me as I think there will be for you. Let them work on you while you work on them. Here are 12 stoic or stoic adjacent questions that will change your life. What do you actually value? When you know what's important, when you know what you value, when you know where you're going, it makes it easy for you to ignore what doesn't matter and focus on what does matter.

• 4:09Ryan Holiday?

  I think we often look for answers, when really, it's the questions that teach us the most. I know that the right question at the right time can totally change the direction of your life. I'm Ryan Holiday. I've been writing about Stoicism now for more than a decade and a half. I've talked to everyone from the NBA to the NFL, special forces to sitting senators. And we talk about how these ancient ideas, these philosophical practices, can help us in the course of modern life. And today, I wanted to give you 12 questions that I think about all the time, derived from the Stoics and other wise people from the past, that will help you, whoever you are, whatever you're doing, in your life.

• 4:55Ryan Holiday?

  Who are you spending time with? Gertrude says, "Show me who you spend time with, and I will tell you who you are." Right? Seneca talks about spending time with people who make you a better person. My dad said to me as a kid, "You become like your friends." Well, the question is, are you spending time with people who are averaging you towards where you want to go? Or are they averaging you away from where you want to go? This is a question that can lead to some hard decisions. People that you're going to spend less time with. Who are you seeing after work? Who are you reading? Who are you talking to? The people we spend time with are either going to make us better, they're going to make us worse, or they're going to keep us exactly who we are, which is either a good thing or a very bad thing.

• 5:41Ryan Holiday?

  Is this in my control? Epictetus says, "This is the key question." This is the chief task of the philosopher in life, which is separating the things that are up to us and the things that are not up to us. And so much of the time and energy we spend in this life are on things that are not up to us, that are not in our control. It just started raining. I don't need to have an opinion on the fact that it's raining, because it's not in my control. But what is in my control is what I'm going to do. Right? What's in our control is our actions, our thoughts, our opinions. Right? And so, the Stoic learns to tune out what's not in our control, and it focuses on what is in our control. And so, we ask ourselves about everything we experience, everything we're feeling, everything we're working on. Is this up to me?

• 6:24Ryan Holiday?

  Or am I throwing good energy after bad? Am I beating myself against a wall that's never going to move?

• 6:33Ryan Holiday?

  What does your ideal day look like? A life, Seneca says, is made up of days. Andy Dillard said, "How we spend our lives is, of course, how we spend our days." What does an ideal day look like for you? How are you trying to design your life? If you don't know what a good day is like, what your ideal is, then you're just going to be working on making more money, acquiring more fame, getting more power or influence. You have to ask yourself, is this getting me closer or further away from the life that I want? I've talked about how I know exactly what my ideal day looks like. It's a Saturday where I wake up early, I work out, I do a little bit of writing, I spend lots of time with my family, I have time to think. I haven't signed myself up for a bunch of pointless obligations

• 7:17Ryan Holiday?

  or phone calls or meetings. I spend time outdoors. I'm connected, I'm present. And so I have to look at each opportunity then that comes along any day and ask myself, is it getting me closer or further away from the kind of life I want to lead and the kind of person that I want to be?

• 7:38Ryan Holiday?

  To be or to do? This is a key question. It comes to us from the great strategist John Boyd, who, as he mentored young men and women in the Pentagon, would see that you kind of can go down two paths in life. There's the person who wants to look important, that wants to achieve a high rank, that wants to be in the newspapers or on TV. And then there's the person who wants to quietly get things done. You know, I think it was Truman who said, "It's amazing how much you can accomplish if you don't care about who gets the credit." To be or to do is largely about credit. Do you care about accomplishments? Or do you care about impact? Do you care about credit? Or do you care about getting things done? You have to ask yourself, am I trying to be an important person? Am I trying to accomplish important things?

• 8:21Ryan Holiday?

  And this question is critical, to be or to do. How are you measuring your life?

• 8:28Ryan Holiday?

  Hillel said, "If I am not for me, who is?" Then he said, "If I am only for me, who am I?" This, I think, is related to the idea of to be or to do. What's motivating you? Is it external accomplishments? Or is it making a difference in this world? Yes, you have to fight for yourself. You have to stand up for yourself. You get walked all over. But if all you care about is protecting yourself, if all you care about is attention, who are you? I think about someone like George Marshall, who accomplishes so much. And perhaps his greatest accomplishment is turning down the command at Normandy. He didn't want his personal feelings to be taken into account. Again, to be or to do. But also, who am I for? And who am I?

• 9:11Ryan Holiday?

  Yes, he fought really hard to get where he was, to make a difference. But then he also knew that ego didn't matter in the end. What mattered is the team effort. There's a great expression I heard that says, "If you play for the name on the front of the jersey, they'll remember the name on the back."

• 9:29Ryan Holiday?

  What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid? One of my favorite books is The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. And he says, "When you worry, ask yourself, what am I choosing not to see right now?" Right? We only have so much in the way of cognitive resources, or time, or emotional energy. How are you going to spend it? And then often, by being anxious, by being worried, by taking things personally, by being afraid, we're taking our eye off the ball. And so I want you to see those emotions not just as unpleasant, but actively destructive, because they are. Stuff's going to happen in life that makes us emotional. But we have to realize that we're only compounding that by acting on those emotions.

• 10:14Ryan Holiday?

  Are you doing your job? This is a key question. When Sean Payton was suspended from the NFL for a year, he put up a big picture of himself in the Saints facility. And three words said, "Do your job." This is a thing, I think it comes from Bill Belichick. But the idea is that everyone has a job in every moment. Sometimes that's a little job. Sometimes it's a big job. But everyone... Everyone has to know their job in an organization in life. You've got to ask yourself, are you doing it? I think in the end, we end up focusing on everyone else's job than our own, because it's easier than doing our own. And that's why I like this question so much. Are you doing your job? And if you aren't, why not? And if you are, good, keep doing it.

• 10:59Ryan Holiday?

  What is the most important thing to you? What do you actually value? If you don't know what's important, how do you know that you're putting it first? And so to me, all the other questions of life come after you have asked and answered what the most important thing to you is in life. If you told me I could sell 10 times as many books, but it'd come at the expense of my marriage or my relationship with my kids, I'd say, screw that, right? Because I know the most important thing to me is how those things are in balance with each other. Yes, my work is important, but it's not the most important thing. You know, Seneca talks about this idea of euphemia. He says, knowing the path that you're on

• 11:43Ryan Holiday?

  and not being distracted by the paths of the people who's crisscrossed yours. He says, especially the people who are hopelessly lost. When you know what's important, when you know what you value, when you know where you're going, it makes it easy for you to ignore what doesn't matter and focus on what does matter.

• 12:04Ryan Holiday?

  Who is this for? This is a question, as a creator, you always have to know. Who are you making this for? I talked to so many entrepreneurs, business people, creatives, who have no idea. They're just making stuff. They just hope it will find an audience. They go, oh, this is a book for smart people. You have to know who you're making this for. You have to know your audience. You have to know the market. You have to know human beings. That's why empathy is so important. Who are you making this for? Who are they? Where are they? What do they want? You have to know who this is for. So I always ask myself, whether making a video, or putting out a tweet, or writing a book, screw your hunches. Who is this for? Who are they?

• 12:47Ryan Holiday?

  Does this actually matter? Right? So many of the things we're upset about, that we hold on to, that we focus on, they don't matter, not to you, to anyone at all. They don't, they just don't matter. Marcus Aurelius says, "Ask yourself in every moment, is this essential?" This is because most of what we do and say is not essential. He says, "When you eliminate the inessential, you get the double benefit of doing the essential things better." Stephen Colbert loses his father and several siblings in a plane crash as a young man. And he said what he took out of this was a question from his mother. She said, "Can you look at this in the light of eternity? Does this matter in the big picture?" Right? Because so many of the things we trivially get upset about, that we focus on, in moments of crisis, we get real clarity about, and we realize they didn't matter at all.

• 13:32Ryan Holiday?

  People matter. Your loved ones matter. Doing your best matters. Everything else is irrelevant. And yet, that's where we focus so much of our time and energy.

• 13:46Ryan Holiday?

  "Will this be a live time or dead time?" That's something Robert Greene asked me when I was thinking about becoming a writer. I had like a year to kill before I could go do it. And he said, "What's this year going to be for you? Is it going to be a live time or dead time for you? Are you going to use every second? Are you going to sit around and be passive and wait?" That came flooding back to me in the pandemic when we went into lockdown. "Is this going to be a live time or dead time? What am I going to have to show for this? Whether it's two weeks, or two months, or two years? What am I going to have to show for this period? A live time. Treat every moment like a live time. Because while you have it, you're alive. But after it's gone, it's dead. Right? Now is now. Can you use this time? What can you use it for? If you always choose a live time, then you're always getting better. Then you're always moving forward. You're not wasting time."

• 14:30Ryan Holiday?

  Seneca says, "It's not that life is short, it's that we waste a lot of it. We kill time as time is killing us." And the truth is, you always have the ability to make the most of this moment. So often, we choose not to, because we don't ask ourselves this question.

• 14:47Ryan Holiday?

  Is this who I want to be? Is this representative of the person that I see myself as, that I am trying to become? Or am I giving in to my lower self here? Am I taking a shortcut here? Am I doing something that the person that I see myself as wouldn't do? Cheryl Strayed says, you know, "You're becoming who you're going to be, so you might as well not be an asshole." When you do things, you have to ask yourself, is this representative of my character, of my priorities, of my values, of what I said is important to me? If the answer is no, you have to not do it. How we do anything is how we do everything. So you have to ask yourself this question, is this who I want to be? Every interaction, every situation, big or small, because it adds up in the way that nothing else can.

• 15:32Ryan Holiday?

  If I could give you one more question, a last question, a bonus question if you will. It comes to us from Viktor Frankl, who survives the Holocaust. He writes the amazing book Man's Search for Meaning. You know, he says, "We ask, what is the meaning of life?" But he says, "Actually, it is life that is asking us that question, and it's our actions, it's our decisions that provide the answer." Meaning is something we create from our actions, from our decisions, from our choices, from who we choose to be. These are the kinds of questions that if you ask often enough, you will provide, as Viktor Frankl says, the kinds of answers that make you who you're capable of becoming. If you want to learn more about Stoic philosophy, totally for free, you can sign up for our Daily Stoic email.

• 16:17Ryan Holiday?

  It's one free email every morning, the best of Stoic wisdom, dailystoic.com/email.