Ep 561 - Beautiful Things

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ https://www.patreon.com/MSsecretpod Tires Season 2 is out June 5th on Netflix Go See Matt Live @ https://mattmccusker.com/ - Special Taping in June !! Go See Shane Live @ https://www.shanemgillis.com/ - New Dates added Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want Cap City This wknd @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Hello everybody. Hope you all had an amazing memorial day weekend. Classic ep this week for you. Just 2 D. A. W. G. Z. in the loop. Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt McCusker?

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  I'm fully in the loop.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  Are you in the loop right now?

• 0:03Speaker 01

  I've been home for two days, three days.

• 0:06Matt McCusker?

  So you're just completely caught up?

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Full internet for two days.

• 0:09Matt McCusker?

  What's going on on the internet?

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Well, Matt, turns out I'm a giant everyone hates.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  I kept looking it up and turns out people really don't like me very much.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  But that's not all. There's plenty of other people getting called that going around. MGK has a new music video that sucks and fucking made me wanna bring a gun to school. What else is going on?

• 0:41Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a good, you know that Roddy Dangerfield thing where he goes back to college? He's like, yes, you're a shooter.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Hey, you're picking on me.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Take that.

• 0:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  He's not getting enough respect from the bullies and the jocks. But no, I've been fully plugged in. I watched, I was really involved in pop culture. There's a guy who screams sings that he says, "And I'll be dancing out in California, the kid who got it all wrong."

• 1:18Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  You gotta check this kid out. You're gonna like him. I got all types of stuff going on. It's called white, it's been dubbed white hooting and hollering music and it's led by Benson Boone. He's the lead to hooting and hollering guy. He's the guy who sings,

• 1:33Speaker 01

  "These beautiful things that I've done."

• 1:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that guy. Yeah, it's like girl movie music.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Brittany, he's hit me with that song.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I'm telling you, bro, I've been all over the internet the last two days. Then somebody filmed Steph Curry at a Benson Boone concert with a cowboy hat singing along and someone was going, oh, fuck, Steph Curry sucks.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  But in Steph Curry's defense, I was thinking about this. If I got dragged to a, I've done it.

• 2:00Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  I've gone to a concert, I've been like, this shit sucks. I'm not going to this shit.

• 2:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Then I'm up there singing at the top of my lungs to Mumford and Sons. It could happen to anybody.

• 2:10Matt McCusker?

  It really.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  You can take me to an Imagine Dragons concert. I was trying to think of the corniest one to be like a major fan of.

• 2:16Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  I would sing along.

• 2:17Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  I'm waking up. Just stomping to the beat.

• 2:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'd be going nuts.

• 2:26Matt McCusker?

  Actually, speaking of concerts, I had, I heard some good news. I, I talked to two people who had gone to a Katy Perry concert recently.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  And said she held it down.

• 2:34Matt McCusker?

  Said it was fucking fire, dude. They said, don't believe the fake news. They said the Katy Perry concerts are, he said, what a performance.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 2:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 2:43Matt McCusker?

  So, yeah.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Who told you that?

• 2:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh. One of my bros. Yeah, one of my bros.

• 2:52Matt McCusker?

  One of my bros, they saw KP.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  I could see how seeing KP live would, uh, would be a treat.

• 2:57Matt McCusker?

  Said it was charged up, not.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  She was running around. I saw her running around.

• 3:00Matt McCusker?

  Running around, almost naked. Yeah.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Uh, I saw all types of stuff. I saw Jennifer Lopez did a very long dance at an award show.

• 3:09Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. I watched it. Seven and a half minutes I watched her dance.

• 3:13Matt McCusker?

  She did a seven and a half minute dance?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Shit sucked.

• 3:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, a lot of the, this could be a media narrative, but a dude a lot.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Sucked to watch. I was mad the whole time. But then I was, I was getting a little more disappointed myself of how much I just hate dancing.

• 3:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like choreographed dancing.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  I just came off like a real loser.

• 3:34Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 3:34Speaker 01

  It's like when someone's like, I hate music.

• 3:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  I was sitting there and I was just like, I fuck, I just hate dancing.

• 3:40Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's, it's kind of a miserable life, honestly. Dance, like it's a, like I, uh, my kids go to dance class. And it's like, dude, you forget, like ballerinas are like evil. Like when they get older, they've been like screamed at since they were a child.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  They've been beaten.

• 3:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they've been, dude, it's like I, I, I've dealt, I've been dealing with some aged ballerina types and it's like, not the friendliest bunch, dude.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:03Matt McCusker?

  It's not all like tutus and fucking pilates, dude. They're, they're fucking mean, man. And I'm like sitting there like, damn, I like watch them. I'm like taking them. What?

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Couple of black swans.

• 4:13Matt McCusker?

  Dude, for real. I'm taking them out of this dance school, dude. It's like, I don't like it at all. They're just fucking mean, dude. Like my, so they, if you fill up your card, you get like, it's like six little stars. If you get six of them, you go in the office and they give you like a present, like a little prize. And dude, we're talking like, you know, fucking Alibaba, some sort of like finger puppet for two cents kind of bullshit, temporary tattoos. And Chloe wasn't able to go to that one. It was just Maya. But they both had filled up their cards and she was like, can I get one for my sister? Her card's full. She couldn't come. She's sick. And the lady's like, one toy per card and just, dude, you're talking like this thing might have been four cents.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 4:50Matt McCusker?

  And I was just like, Jesus Christ.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  You should have, you should have assaulted her.

• 4:54Matt McCusker?

  I should, I should have dumped the bag and like, pick them up.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  You should have crawled across the.

• 4:57Matt McCusker?

  Pick them up. Stand on your toes for 25 minutes and if you move, I'll slap you in the fucking head.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  She would have said, you've gained weight. We're sending you back to fucking Siberia.

• 5:07Speaker 01

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• 5:15Matt McCusker?

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• 5:36Matt McCusker?

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• 5:43Speaker 01

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• 5:47Matt McCusker?

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• 6:07Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 6:08Matt McCusker?

  Dude, then when we turn on my, my TV upstairs, it's like, there's, it's like always on a channel. Now the channels, I don't know how a TV even works anymore, but it's just, they pick one show. There's the Baywatch channel.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how this, yeah. I'm on Saved by the Bell channel right now.

• 6:22Matt McCusker?

  We were just watching some Saved by the Bell. Zach was dating a girl in a wheelchair. Yeah, he was like.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Living the dream. We've all, we've all discussed it.

• 6:31Matt McCusker?

  Hey, we can't go to the fucking, what's the guy's beautiful things concert?

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, the beautiful.

• 6:35Matt McCusker?

  They don't have the rain. They don't have the base of boom and the rain on fucking ramp.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  There's no fucking steps.

• 6:38Matt McCusker?

  We gotta stay in again and watch movies.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  We're gonna have to watch Thin Red Line again.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  You can relate to that. Couple of these guys ended up in chairs.

• 6:48Matt McCusker?

  Turns out we're the same time to BJ's.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  We're gonna have to do blowjobs again and we're gonna have to watch war movies. I'm sorry.

• 6:57Matt McCusker?

  I wish you could walk.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  They're gonna build a ramp at the stadium in about three years. I sent a letter.

• 7:03Matt McCusker?

  I wish this wasn't the case. I feel like we're trapped in purgatory right now.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's living the dream. So Zach, Zach pulled it off? He's dating, I guarantee the wheelchair chick was so hot in the show.

• 7:16Matt McCusker?

  She, she was, she was a little nerdy looking, but back for a nineties babe. They, they hit the nineties babe for sure.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  What season was it? I hope I'm not going too early on this.

• 7:25Matt McCusker?

  No, it was, I know what you mean though. It was, you know, you're certainly, you're certainly a pretty girl.

• 7:32Matt McCusker?

  I've been watching, my channel stuck on Dance Moms. So I put it on and my kids fucking love it. But it's just, it's not like, I don't know, it's like, um, I don't know what version of this is. Was Dance Moms like white ladies or black ladies? Cause this is only black lady Dance Moms. And it's just them outside.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  The algorithm knows your house.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  I told you I'd, La Mer's black ass Netflix, right?

• 7:58Speaker 01

  It's good. They just have a totally different Netflix than us.

• 8:00Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  It's actually crazy. Cause I don't think you watch the, do you watch all those shows? No, my grandma watches. Oh, that's right. We've discovered this, yes.

• 8:09Matt McCusker?

  That's, the algo goes nuts.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Me and La Mer's grandmother are battling for Netflix supremacy.

• 8:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, the Dance Moms is so funny. It's just literally like ladies standing outside, like you like of the dance studio, looking into their kids. Trying to figure out like which ones are gonna get picked for the audition. It's just them just in each other's faces like. You wait till you, my girl's the best. It's like, and it's just non-stop.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 8:35Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty fun. I was watching that this morning. I was watching a little Dance Moms this morning. We're getting ready for school.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  That's good. What's the one, uh, it's not, it might not be Dance Moms. Is it, uh, Pageant? What's that one? Where the girls are in pageants?

• 8:49Matt McCusker?

  I think it's Pageant Moms or something like that. Yeah. That's a whole other thing.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  There's a really great clip where a fat lady gets told to be quiet. She's in a scooter. One of the other moms is like, you need to put your phone down and pay attention. And she just instantly throws her scooter into reverse. And go, drives outside and goes straight to a police station to report an assault.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  This is the funniest video. Just her hitting the fucking, and she's like, you need to be quiet. And she's like.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Hits the reverse.

• 9:20Matt McCusker?

  I saw a video of a guy on a scooter menacing the block. He was like zoomed up on somebody choked like grabbed them by their throat and put them down. A lady tried to break it up and he hit the reverse and just bang.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  Who the fuck was he? Professor X?

• 9:32Matt McCusker?

  He was so nice.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  He was dominating people on a scooter?

• 9:35Matt McCusker?

  Dominating. This guy must have been a menace back when he was bipedal.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  From the scooter.

• 9:40Matt McCusker?

  Swear to God, this guy must have been an absolute menace. When he was bipedal, total menace. Cause he like gripped the guy, dragged him down with one hand. I mean, he was, you know, he was like a fighting heroin addict, but you know.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  That must be nice.

• 9:55Matt McCusker?

  Dude dominating the block?

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Just dominating the block. Yeah. If you just, if you were like a loser enough to be homeless without heroin. If you stayed sober and just dominated all the fucking Skeletors. Somebody talking to you, you're sitting there, you go, come here, fuck, get the fuck out of here.

• 10:11Matt McCusker?

  You could toss those guys around.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Toss them around like crazy.

• 10:14Matt McCusker?

  You really could.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  And they probably wouldn't get hurt. It'd be kinda, it'd be fun.

• 10:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it'd be nice. Especially, I mean, yeah, you could just blame them for whatever. It's like, I know you fucking took the money that I spent at the bar.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  They definitely stole everything you had.

• 10:28Matt McCusker?

  They are like little kids. If you're like, hey, come here. They're like going through 20 different things like fuck, fuck, fuck.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Fuck, I'm busted. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. You go, what'd you fucking say to me? Come here.

• 10:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was getting it in. He was, and dude backing over the lady was.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  And then he ran over a woman?

• 10:46Matt McCusker?

  Just right into her.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Where was this?

• 10:48Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. It was just on the internet.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you sold in Austin. I was like, hell yeah, this is great.

• 10:53Matt McCusker?

  I saw a homeless guy with a fucking sword cane in Austin recently. That was freaking me out.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  I think I've seen that guy.

• 10:57Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Is he by the mothership?

• 10:59Matt McCusker?

  Uh, he was close. He was by like the Black Rabbit.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 11:02Matt McCusker?

  He had like, I, I was just like carrying a box of stuff and heard a lady like, don't poke anyone with that. And I was like, I looked over and this guy had a, like dude, the blade was like that long. And I was like, Jesus freaking Christ.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Damn, he's just, that's a cool homeless.

• 11:16Matt McCusker?

  I'm still waiting for the day, like they, four of them test me and they're like, we're like, every time I pass them, I'm like, today could be the day.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  They're gonna test you eventually.

• 11:22Matt McCusker?

  I gotta test my survival status. That must've been crazy back in the day when you've like been through like four or five life or death battles. The swag would be crazy. I was like thinking about that the other day. I was like, dude, my swag would just be different.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  If you had survived several beatings?

• 11:35Matt McCusker?

  Like several fights to the death. Swag would be nuts, dude.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  There's only a few games left in the playoffs and the championship is officially on the line. That means time is running out for you to put your final takes to test, to the test, on PrizePicks, the best place to cash in on your favorite sports. Uh, riffing point, please talk about what you think of the playoffs so far. Matt, please talk about what you think of the playoffs so far.

• 12:07Matt McCusker?

  I'm thinking about these championships right now.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Are there any particular teams or fixtures that you've enjoyed?

• 12:11Matt McCusker?

  Right now for me, dude, the Phillies are red hot.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  The Phillies are red hot.

• 12:15Matt McCusker?

  Phillies are red hot.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  I think they might be talking about basketball or hockey, but.

• 12:18Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  But you're not wrong to be thinking about October right now.

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  A lot of guys get lost in the dog days of summer and that's where teams start to rise and fall. I mean, I like where your head's at though. The red hot Phillies need to focus on a red October.

• 12:32Matt McCusker?

  But in terms of basketball, I'm trying to think who I think could take it all in basketball. The, not the Knicks, they didn't, they lost.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  No, they, they lost last night, but it's 3-1 Indiana.

• 12:44Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. So I think Indiana's gonna take that.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  I like the, I like the Pacers myself.

• 12:48Matt McCusker?

  I do too.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I didn't like the way the Knicks handled themselves when they finally won a fucking playoff series. The fans.

• 12:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm going for the Pacers.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Matt's coming from an Eagles fan. Have some class.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  The OKC's looking good.

• 13:03Matt McCusker?

  Thunder, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Thunder are looking good.

• 13:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Well, that's who I like.

• 13:07Matt McCusker?

  You think the Thunder's gonna win?

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so. But it's fun to watch Halliburton. What, the Hattie?

• 13:11Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. More.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Matt, these playoffs have been unreal with crazy things happening almost every night. Crazy things are happening all the time. Do you have the vision to know what will happen next? Let's see what we are cooking up heading into the last few games. Uh, I'm gonna go playoff matchup I have my eyes on.

• 13:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  I like Indiana headed to the Garden.

• 13:34Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  For the win.

• 13:36Matt McCusker?

  For the, the sent shit.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  So if I had to pick, I'd say more, or more Halliburton.

• 13:41Matt McCusker?

  There we go.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  All right, you heard our picks. Now it's time to lock in your playoff picks and prize picks. This app is really easy to use. Create a lineup. All you have to do is pick more or less on a few player stats. So your shot to win up to 2,000 times your money, you could win real money with your best takes. You gotta get in on those prize picks, the best place to win cash while watching sports. Join millions of users and sign up today. Download the app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Uh, no, I'm good. I added a bunch of dates. So July, I'm gonna do Oklahoma City, Kansas City. August, I'm gonna do Louisville, St. Louis, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  And in September, I'm gonna do Houston, Tulsa, Hollywood, Florida, and Orlando. Please come.

• 14:31Matt McCusker?

  Hell yeah.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  And don't be confused by the ticket pricing. Old DJT and Kid Rock signed a little bill that kinda fucks me in the ass, if I'm being honest. It takes all the, it takes all the hidden fees and includes them in the ticket price. So like, it shows up as that. It's like, goddamn, I was trying to make my prices

• 14:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Cheap.

• 14:51Matt McCusker?

  People were paying that anyway, but they were getting

• 14:52Speaker 01

  They were paying it anyway, but you get a little sticker shock when you see

• 14:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. They go, what the hell is this guy doing?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Fucking better be funny.

• 14:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  And it's not that, it's not that funny, goddamn.

• 15:03Matt McCusker?

  I'll be at the improv, the Hollywood Improv, June 25th, and then the Ontario Improv, Ontario, California, June 26th to the 28th. Filming a special, please come. And then, this is the big one. Uh, Ovation Hall in Atlantic City, New Jersey, August 16th.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 15:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm gonna try to come up with some newer stuff.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Is that at Oceans?

• 15:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Fuck yeah.

• 15:26Matt McCusker?

  It'll be sick. So I'm kind of excited for that. So I'm gonna try to blend in some new stuff in case people travel down from Philadelphia, so.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 15:33Matt McCusker?

  That's it.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Alright, goodbye.

• 15:36Matt McCusker?

  Told you I was reading about the Mayans recently.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that.

• 15:39Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they, they used to build temples in the ocean. So it would be like a stone's throw away. Like you, like they would say that's how far, there are units of measurement, they would measure the depth of holes by, um, I forget the word, but it was like the average height of a man. It's seven latos deep, and they would just be like, it's like six guys deep.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 16:01Matt McCusker?

  It's really nice. But yeah, they would build these like Temples out like, you know, 10 feet out in the ocean, out of limestone. I don't know how the fuck they did this. And then the uh.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  They were wasting a lot of time.

• 16:13Matt McCusker?

  I think they really were.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  They should have been focused on other things.

• 16:16Matt McCusker?

  They, yeah, they could have figured some other stuff out.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Instead of temples in the ocean.

• 16:19Matt McCusker?

  Well, they, well, they were.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Time to really focus.

• 16:21Matt McCusker?

  They were just like cutting people's heads off and letting the blood drip down the steps. They would like have like a cool statue of a snake and be like this thing's, it would be like a snake eating a lion, like, we gotta get some blood on this thing.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  We're gonna have to cut some people's heads off.

• 16:31Matt McCusker?

  We gotta cut some people's heads off.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Who's that village next door that we hate?

• 16:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Let's sacrifice those fuckers. They'll never join up with anybody that shows up.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  They'll never finally join up with the outside force.

• 16:43Matt McCusker?

  I didn't, I didn't know there was like three or four unsuccessful expeditions before Cortez. Like a couple dudes rolled up and got fucking smoked by the Mayans.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  I didn't know that.

• 16:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they were, they'd roll up like 40 deep and be like, come here, guys. And like, these dudes would just go bonkers. And they're like, we had the weaponry. We thought, they were like, we could get them, but they were just, we were firing shit off our boats at them. And they were like, we don't, they just kept sending guys. And then they would take, it would take your boy and they would fatten him up. So the dudes who were in POV, POW.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, with his girlfriends?

• 17:14Matt McCusker?

  They would capture you and you would just be getting fed nonstop. And then you'd slowly be like, shit, they're fucking, they would eat one of your boys and you go, oh no, dude. I thought they were treating me like a king over here. They would fatten, they would just like have dudes they captured and be like, hmm, he's looking pretty good. He's getting pretty good.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  These guys, no offense to any Mayans listening, but these guys deserved what they had in common.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't, I didn't know the guy, the, the Spanish got crushed a couple of times.

• 17:43Matt McCusker?

  Couple times. It was like these, they would launch these like expeditions and just end up on the shore and it would just be cannibals fucking freaking out at you as soon as you rolled up. They'd be blowing darts, fucking throwing shit at you.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  But that's, yeah.

• 17:54Matt McCusker?

  Just, it was like, uh, they were like more explorer types. They would hang out, roll up and be like, oh, this is sick. And then sometimes.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  A small amount took down everybody.

• 18:01Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Cortez, well, Cortez appeared, I don't know if this, I don't know if there's multiple Cortezes, but this was a. His name was Cortez, I forget his first name. But like after like two or three dudes rolled up and got kind of what for? He was like fuck this and brought like 11 ships and 500 dudes and then he showed up. And they just thought like, you know, they like, it wasn't even just about like his beard. He, I forget, he like, oh, he rolled up and he took the whole village. He took everything and then he found a guy, he was like a nobleman's wife, one of the lord's wives and he was like. He, they plundered everything and he contacted, he was like, go back and tell them like. We're gonna give you back all your stuff and the villagers all came back and they all, the Spaniards were like, here's all your shit, we're not trying to fuck with you, we're just trying to like get, we're trying to chill with you guys. And they were like, fuck this dude rules and I think eventually fucking.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:45Matt McCusker?

  Crushed all of them.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I forget, uh. It's the beginning of Guns, Germs and Steel, which is pretty funny, it's like that. They just rolled in. On horses and shit and they. Yeah, just opened fire.

• 18:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Everybody started spazzing.

• 19:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  They immediately captured the king.

• 19:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, that, that was like, yeah, when they told them like.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  It might have been the Aztecs.

• 19:08Matt McCusker?

  I, it was one of them where they brought him in, it was just him and like six dudes in the king's like inner sanctum, they, they were like, dude, you guys are so cool, your beards are so fucking sick. And then they're like, yeah, cool, man.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. You wanna see our swords?

• 19:20Matt McCusker?

  The one Cortez I heard, he like was kinda chilling with them and you know.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:24Matt McCusker?

  Getting down, eventually they gave him a, uh. A Mayan bride. And he like, that was like his lady, he started like sailing with her and she would like, um. Yeah, I don't know if it was the Cortez the killer or just another Cortez. But yeah, the flag was sick dude, it was just the cross. They'd be like, all, all who worship this symbol, like worship the symbol and have faith in it and we will conquer, they would just fly in. They actually, Cortez, this Cortez was a big missionary. He would go in their temples and just knock their statues down and be like, you guys gotta praise the Virgin Mary. And apparently a lot of them were like, for sure. And when they would go, other Spaniards would pass by some of the villages on boats, they would just go, Maria, Maria.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 20:01Matt McCusker?

  They loved Mary dude.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 20:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was pretty chill.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess you'd have to kinda believe them. You know what I mean? If you spent your whole life watching everybody get their head cut off and you're throwing rocks in the ocean to try to build a temple.

• 20:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Somebody shows up on a fucking spaceship.

• 20:16Matt McCusker?

  Someone gets, shows up on a giant, 11 giant boats and they ride horses off the boat onto the beach, you're just like, bro.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm with them.

• 20:24Matt McCusker?

  Um.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  I trust them.

• 20:25Matt McCusker?

  What, what's, what's your story? And they're like, no dude, it turns, and they were just like, that's so fucking sick. Cause their guy, Quetzalcoatl was like their big, that was like their big dude. Do you know what his name was originally? Kukuln. Just like the Irish mythological guy. Kukulun.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  I didn't know that.

• 20:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, kinda nuts. Remember that lady I tried to book for the podcast? Yes. Ancient alien specialist? She wrote a whole book about how the Mayans were Irish.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  And we was, we was Mayans?

• 20:52Matt McCusker?

  We was Mayans too.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  I knew we was Mayans.

• 20:57Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, I'm gonna keep reading that book. It's pretty, it's pretty tight. It was written by this guy Diego Landa, who was just a missionary who was documenting like, just kinda how they got down. And they just kinda like, studied outer space really hard and then they just like cut people's heads off. And just chilled. Pretty cool.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's awesome.

• 21:14Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, they were, they were-

• 21:15Speaker 01

  I wish I knew more, but I never really, got into the Aztecs or the Mayans. The Incas, I was big for a little. I liked the Incas.

• 21:23Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I'm always, I never know where the fuck they lived. The Mayans were the Yucatan.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  The Incas are like Peru.

• 21:28Matt McCusker?

  Okay, so they're in Peru.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  The Andes Mountains.

• 21:30Matt McCusker?

  And where were the Aztecs? They were May-

• 21:32Speaker 01

  The Aztecs were Mexico as well.

• 21:34Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:34Matt McCusker?

  Cause they do have stuff like-

• 21:35Speaker 01

  And I think the Mayans and Aztecs didn't really overlap.

• 21:39Matt McCusker?

  But apparently there were Mexicans that weren't Mayans that would come down. They would battle the Mayans a lot too. They had, they were battling the lads like way back when.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Who knows?

• 21:50Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it's pretty cool. The Spaniards would come down and like get in a fight and they like would name the places. The one bay is just called like the Mallow Pelar, which just means the bad fight.

• 22:01Matt McCusker?

  It was really sick.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Uh, they were city states. I see. Mayan, yeah, the Mayans were into independent city states.

• 22:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's-

• 22:12Speaker 01

  It wasn't like one empire.

• 22:13Matt McCusker?

  No, they weren't like a group of people. They just, or there wasn't like, they were just kind of a bunch of different-

• 22:17Speaker 01

  They flourished until 900 AD, so like 500 years before the Spanish got there.

• 22:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but then I think they just became like-

• 22:24Speaker 01

  They were probably just chilling.

• 22:25Matt McCusker?

  They're just, yeah, they're just chillers. They had one central town. They all like joined in, allegedly after fucking César Córdoba like showed them how to get down. And they all like hung out, but there would always be three brothers who were chill and like they would just turn evil and kill each other. Every time. Three brothers, they'd start a podcast, turn on each other.

• 22:45Matt McCusker?

  It would just be three dudes being like, yeah, we're in charge of all this. And then one day one would be like, I want 75 fucking wives.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  That's usually how it goes.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hernan Cortez.

• 22:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Dude was the bro. I didn't get to the part where they, I mean, it was written by the Spaniards. So the guy was just like, yeah, dude, he was pretty chill. Everyone liked him. I don't know. He's pretty fucking cool.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:10Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, they had a guy who was, there was like two kind of like Bishop type dudes. And one guy was like, we have to torture these guys. Cause they keep worshiping snakes and cutting people's heads off. So we gotta torture them to like, it's the only way these guys, and the guy's like, we can't torture them. And then one dude, he's like, try, he came to convince the guy, like, we shouldn't be doing this. The guy's like, no, watch this. And just like torture the guy in front of him. He's like, it works. They were like, fuck it.

• 23:35Matt McCusker?

  Just like pulling a dude's teeth out of his head, like, see?

• 23:37Speaker 01

  See? He doesn't like it.

• 23:37Matt McCusker?

  Now he'll do whatever I want.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  He doesn't like it at all. I know he's really afraid of us.

• 23:45Matt McCusker?

  I was, I was, uh, I was trying to think about like the different races of human beings and which one are like air, water, earth, fire. I like thought about this the other day. I was at the beach. I was just high at the beach and I was like, damn dude. I kind of figured it out. It's like, white people are water people, I feel, I believe. Asians are air. And then you go down to like-

• 24:07Speaker 01

  You're saying black people are mud?

• 24:08Matt McCusker?

  No, no. Latinos are fire for sure. That was the kind of the back-

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  This, no, it's earth, earth. Dude, there's nothing wrong with earth.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  No, there's nothing wrong at all, dude.

• 24:19Matt McCusker?

  My thing was, but then someone gets-

• 24:22Speaker 01

  So sick to control the sea, dude.

• 24:24Matt McCusker?

  Someone gets left out though. That was, I was like, I thought I had it mapped out. I'm like, wait a second. Cause then you have Indian-

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Indians are definitely earth.

• 24:32Matt McCusker?

  It could be fire, dude. Indians are earth for sure. Indians are, I had that, cause I was like, yeah, cause I forgot about Latinos. I'm like, okay, they're fire for sure. But then it's like earth, but I was going, what about my African brothers? What would they be? Cause then I'm like, I, I was like, maybe the ether. I could throw in the fifth. It could be the ether.

• 24:52Matt McCusker?

  What do you guys think? Element wise?

• 24:54Speaker 01

  I think earth.

• 24:55Matt McCusker?

  But then what about Indian guys? Someone's getting left out. Then what are Indian guys?

• 24:59Speaker 01

  They're with Asians. They can be, they're combined.

• 25:01Matt McCusker?

  True. Air, earth, earth, air.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  They can be farts.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 25:11Matt McCusker?

  Trying to keep it respectful, dude.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Who's farts then?

• 25:16Speaker 01

  What about Arabs? You're forgetting Arabs.

• 25:19Matt McCusker?

  It's like...

• 25:25Speaker 01

  You say Indians, Arabs are farts. That's your words.

• 25:30Matt McCusker?

  I was really hoping to keep this respectful.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  How do you think it was gonna go, dude? You wanna break down races?

• 25:35Matt McCusker?

  I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth. I was like, yeah, this could actually go really wrong.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  I'll share this one.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Do you guys have any, would you like to help us here? Would any African American fellows wanna get involved?

• 25:45Matt McCusker?

  Sure, I'd like to create space for different voices.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  I just know definitely not water. I kinda thought fire. Why aren't we fire?

• 25:53Matt McCusker?

  Dude, we're more fire than Latinos, bro. Come on.

• 25:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  No way. How are you guys fire?

• 26:01Matt McCusker?

  Leave it.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  You guys aren't fire. You guys are earth.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Latino heat.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's Latino heat.

• 26:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, bro. I don't know, man. Look, I don't wanna speak for you guys. I like to elevate your voices in the matter, but...

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, we do wanna hold space for black podcasters. But, uh, yeah, earth, dude. You guys gotta claim earth. Earth's probably the best one.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  I think we're plasma.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Plasma?

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Plasma, the fifth element.

• 26:27Matt McCusker?

  Ether. I was giving you guys ether. I was like, that's, I was like, ether is the best. Indian guys are earths for sure.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  I can't believe you're pleading the fifth on this.

• 26:37Matt McCusker?

  The fifth element?

• 26:38Speaker 01

  He's claiming.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  No, earth's good for you guys.

• 26:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, they're all elements.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Why is earth good?

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Cause every, I don't know, everybody claims the first, uh, humans were from Africa, just came, you know?

• 26:53Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Earth's nice. I like that.

• 26:54Matt McCusker?

  And it's one of those things where like Asians are definitely air. Let's do process of elimination.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  They run on the trees. They're air. Air benders.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Black people are avatars, man. We fucking get all four, I think, if we're from Africa.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  You get all four? Water?

• 27:08Speaker 02

  We get all four, yeah.

• 27:10Matt McCusker?

  No offense. Just spraying water out your hands, like, oh shit!

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Air?

• 27:14Speaker 02

  Dude, you ever seen those like Jamaican guys jump off the, the barge into the water, like?

• 27:21Speaker 02

  It's in the name.

• 27:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's between you guys and Asians.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  You guys are confusing air with just jumping.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  We're talking about air supremacy that the monkeys have achieved.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  Do you want Chinese air? That stuff's bad.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Don't turn this on me.

• 27:41Matt McCusker?

  Forget I even brought this up.

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  Let's just drop it, alright?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Let's just fucking drop it, dude.

• 27:48Matt McCusker?

  You guys can't be mature about this.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  You guys can't be mature enough to have Earth. Earth's the best. If we would've said white people are Earth, you would've been like, "No, we're Earth."

• 27:57Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 27:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, all the elements are, none of them are more essential than the others. It's...

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Don't make us take Earth.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  We can take it all. That's the reason I'm not saying we can't. We can draw water. We can take everything.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  I know if we said we had Earth, you guys would come and take it. That's why I was being quiet about it.

• 28:19Matt McCusker?

  Fine, we'll give you guys air. White people are the avatars.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Fine, white people are the avatars. Never even told her that. It's a good answer. You're right, we definitely are avatars.

• 28:31Matt McCusker?

  Just, I just wanted to wait to hear what black people said, like, "No, that's ours."

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, actually, that's ours.

• 28:35Matt McCusker?

  That's a good idea, but we're gonna take that. We're gonna take that idea. It's really cool.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  I can't believe you said Indians and Arabs were farts.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Fucking wrong, dude.

• 28:45Matt McCusker?

  I didn't think about the gas element. It could be gas.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Gas?

• 28:53Matt McCusker?

  Dude, oh dude, I, I wanna change, switch gears.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Change gears, yeah.

• 28:58Matt McCusker?

  I wanted to tell you, dude, I went to, uh, I think I told you this yesterday, but I was at Port Aransas, Texas, the beach.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it is, on, at first glance, the sickest setup. You ever been to a four by four beach? Cars pull up.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Oh, uh, no, I don't, I don't know if I have.

• 29:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, this was, for real, it was insane, man. It was like fucking...

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Only during COVID-19.

• 29:22Matt McCusker?

  When, where were you?

• 29:23Speaker 01

  I was in Hilton Head, but it's not typically, you're not allowed to do that typically, but it was COVID, dude. There were no rules.

• 29:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, this, the beach was a road. Like, that upper portion of the beach was like a full...

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Outer Banks has that.

• 29:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, okay. Dude, it was kind of sick, just like, you just bobbing around on golf carts, faded on a golf cart, blasting, you had the music from your phone.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  It's water stuff.

• 29:44Matt McCusker?

  The speaker, true.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Now you're talking water.

• 29:46Matt McCusker?

  For sure. Also, dude, it was, the Texas beach, everyone pulls up and like, sets up like, pretty sick setups, like a truck, it's like a tailgate, barbecues, Trump flags everywhere. Got me thinking, it's like, nobody parties under the Biden banner. People party under the Trump flag. I've never seen someone just get down under a Biden flag.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  That would suck so bad. Holy shit, that would be so, I mean, it'd be really funny.

• 30:15Matt McCusker?

  Just turkey burgers.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  You should do it at that beach. Do it at that beach. See how long before you get your fucking ass beat, dude.

• 30:22Matt McCusker?

  Just like turkey burgers and fucking, uh, impossible, impossible.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Just blasting Kendrick's new album.

• 30:29Matt McCusker?

  They not like us. They not like us. Never seen it. You've never seen somebody flying a Biden banner and just partying.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Get a nice Kamala flag too. That's a party.

• 30:42Matt McCusker?

  That'd be tight.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  A Harris Walls flag. Just getting wrecked.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  Just having so much blasting NPR and be like, that's actually very important.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  I never thought of it like that.

• 30:53Matt McCusker?

  I didn't think about that. Just kissing a guy.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it wasn't a very inviting party flag, the Biden.

• 31:07Matt McCusker?

  No. Couldn't have any fun.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  Yes, it wasn't very fun.

• 31:10Matt McCusker?

  It was not fun. You couldn't blast Kid Rock's Summer Anthem. I'm in whiskey out the bottle. Turn this off.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  It's tough to.

• 31:19Matt McCusker?

  He shot the bottle.

• 31:23Matt McCusker?

  Turn this off.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  Hey, turn that off right now.

• 31:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man, I'm telling you, I want to see somebody do it. I want everyone to have fun. But it turns out the Trump flags are just kind of cornered.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  They are kind of a beacon for a good, a good party.

• 31:37Matt McCusker?

  Kind of, dude. Yeah, you have a good time. It was kind of, uh, it was making me sad. But it's, at nighttime, it is funny. It was, uh, my friend was pointing it out. It's like, it is Fury Road. You go on the beach at nighttime and it's just kids hanging off golf carts like war boys, like.

• 31:52Matt McCusker?

  It was fun, but dude, the, uh.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  Were there some fires going at night?

• 31:55Matt McCusker?

  Yep. You got a beach fire. Dude, they would come out, the, the thing was called Cinnamon, Cinnamon Shore. So like you go to Puerto Rancis and it's like, the town, by the way, bleak. It's a, I went to the grocery store like 10 minutes away to grab some supplies for last night. Dude, I, I'm, I'm not exaggerating this at all. There was an older lady cashier. And I, you know, she was just kind of sitting there and I'm like, hey, how you doing? You know, normal stuff.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:21Matt McCusker?

  She just sighs and she was like. Not good. I'm like, okay.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Good for her.

• 32:28Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was not, it was actually refreshing and I was like, oh dude, and then she take, you took it even further. She was like, yeah, I just, I don't like this job at all. And I was like, okay, I was like, fair enough. And I was like, you know what, let me just shut up. It's probably annoying, you know, it's the 50th. Cause she was like, it's just the same thing as people come and over and over. And I'm like, yeah, you know what, let me shut up. It's, I'm probably the 50th guy to ask you how your day is. She's like, yeah, I just, I just remember my, like, you know, my life used to have meaning. I was like, okay.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Wow, she said all this?

• 32:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. And then she goes, she was like, I used to be an assistant, assistant librarian in Samoa. I was like, okay, cool. And she's like, yeah, then a flood took the place out, really bad flood, killed a lot of children. And I'm just like, Jesus fucking Christ. She goes, there were families of children that died. She says luckily, and this was why, this like made the other person in line next to me turn around. She goes, luckily it wasn't on the tourist side. And I was like, oh fuck.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Oh man. Damn, she had a little Cortez in her.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Luckily it didn't get to pale faces.

• 33:27Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I think she, I, I think she was kind of faded, dude. There was a display of buzz balls next to her. I'm like, she must be crushing these buzz balls.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  I would too.

• 33:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I would.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Bro, if you're sitting there going, you know what, I don't have any meaning in my life. I'm a cashier here, I'm sick of this.

• 33:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  What's that, a buzz ball?

• 33:42Matt McCusker?

  Is that a bomb?

• 33:42Speaker 01

  Who's gonna notice?

• 33:43Matt McCusker?

  Was that a butterscotch buzz ball?

• 33:46Speaker 01

  That sounds like fucking hell.

• 33:48Matt McCusker?

  She kept, dude, she kept going. She was like, yeah, man. She was like, you know, could you imagine, funerals are sad, but imagine a funeral for multiple children at the same time. I'm like, Jesus Christ. She's like, and you gotta put the bodies up high, cause if you put them down low, they just wash away. I'm like, okay, dude, it was a 10 minute exchange. She's like, yeah, my ex husband, we met out there, he's a drunk. All the guys in Samoa, by the time they're 60, they're drunks, they have nothing to do. They're just drunks, probably drunks before that. And she was like, eh, she just broke down her ex husband. She's like, smart guy, no common sense. He's probably drunk right now. And I'm like, looking at him like, you're probably drunk right now, lady. But went on for 10. And then I started, I finally like, I got, I got the last thing bagged up and was like,

• 34:32Matt McCusker?

  all right, have a good one. And then she just like, just smiled. Such a big smile. And I was like, okay, thank you.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  She goes, so how are you doing?

• 34:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  So what's up with you?

• 34:43Matt McCusker?

  It's all right.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Shit's going well. Just signed a Spotify deal. Uh, it's pretty easy. I just do podcasts.

• 34:50Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty good. I actually haven't beat off in like seven days. I've been getting raging boners every morning. Should have fired back.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 34:56Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I've been fucking, I, I don't know what happened. I've turned a corner. We'll see if I can keep it. But I'm just, bro.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 35:05Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  What do you know about Quince?

• 35:07Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cotton, like regular materials, not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.

• 35:17Speaker 01

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• 35:43Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  That's a bargain.

• 35:45Matt McCusker?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Matt and Shane's secret podcast. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 36:13Speaker 01

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• 36:14Matt McCusker?

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• 36:56Matt McCusker?

  get a free immune support bundle, including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drink AG1.com/secretpod. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 37:11Speaker 01

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• 37:12Matt McCusker?

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• 37:19Speaker 01

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• 37:28Matt McCusker?

  Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50GB may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20GB of hotspot. Capable devices required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 37:48Matt McCusker?

  I'm just like, I'm not, I'm not at, I'm not even trying to have sex. Not trying to, I'm not fapping. I'm just like, just gonna be relieved. I've tried this so many times, but I think I've turned the corner. Where I've been getting charged up that like when I'm like, you're, I mean, obviously you're, you know, and you have to come really bad. I've just been like reveling in that feeling and I'm just like, dude, I'm just gonna charge myself up as much as I can.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Every once in a while when I'm hungover, I get the ultimate. You need to come right now.

• 38:14Matt McCusker?

  Yes, dude.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:16Matt McCusker?

  I drove home kinda like that and I was not lying.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  It happens on drive sometimes.

• 38:20Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was rock hard.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  You were rock hard for an entire drive?

• 38:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, it was a three hour, 45 minute drive. No cap. I think I might've been hard for two and a half hours straight.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:30Matt McCusker?

  Just non-stop. It was like, I was driving and Brittany would like put her hand on my thigh and I was real going like, I was trying to shift it. I was fucking, I was in a state, dude. It was crazy. But yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to keep it up and just see if I can get charged up off the life energy. Cause it's a huge difference, man. When you're ramped like that, if you can like just power through it, you have energy. All these people say they're tired. It's like, bro.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Just hold it in.

• 39:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for real. I wanna try to like not do it for a month and then get my T checked and just see what my levels are. I would imagine they'd be fucking high. If you just held, if you held in your goop.

• 39:17Matt McCusker?

  I mean, you know, I'm like a broken record on this, but I for real, I might have turned the corner.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  I think it's a, it's a good thing. You're, you're very interested in the goop and goop retention.

• 39:26Matt McCusker?

  I am. Well, it's like.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  You got goop on the brain.

• 39:28Matt McCusker?

  I got goop on the brain. I got, it's goop retention, goop release. I, you know, I like it all.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Everything goop.

• 39:33Matt McCusker?

  All things goop.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  I'm here to discuss goop.

• 39:38Matt McCusker?

  So yeah, that's been a, that's been a welcome to, and I like, I keep taking the maca. I'm just feeding the beast.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:43Matt McCusker?

  So yeah, I've been, I've been waking up.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  I got a feeling these boys have not retained any goop.

• 39:48Matt McCusker?

  These guys, they don't.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Lemare was still jacking off here.

• 39:50Matt McCusker?

  Lemare had a blanket over himself when I came in.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 39:52Matt McCusker?

  Goopless.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  You were in this room for five minutes before you laid down with a blanket?

• 39:58Matt McCusker?

  Goopless, dude. No goop.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a goopless man. There's no goop in the system. You probably got rid of your goop this morning, didn't you?

• 40:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  See the lie like a rug.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  This morning, kinda is three in the morning.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Oh, you got your fucking goop out at three?

• 40:14Matt McCusker?

  Did you, I heard you had a little bit of a.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Partner here?

• 40:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:17Matt McCusker?

  You had a hot date?

• 40:18Speaker 02

  It wasn't a date.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  There's no partners.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 40:21Speaker 01

  No, you individually gooped at three AM.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  It's a late night goop sesh.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  It was a drunk goop.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  It was a drunk goop?

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Some of the nastiest goops possible. A drunk goop is fucking weird.

• 40:37Matt McCusker?

  Throw, you just throw your phone in a fire afterwards.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, a drunk goop. That's no good.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  I always throw my phone. There's like a pile of clothes. I always throw my phone on a pile of clothes and I'm done.

• 40:51Matt McCusker?

  Get this thing off, yeah.

• 40:54Matt McCusker?

  Be gone.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:57Matt McCusker?

  Has anyone gotten like freaky with AI?

• 41:01Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 41:01Matt McCusker?

  Just been like, find, find me the freakiest vids or like, you could get, no one's ever gotten freaky with it, I don't think.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  I've never even considered asking AI for a pern. I've never asked AI one thing. I've never used it once. Never, I don't even know what chat GPT is. I've never looked at it.

• 41:20Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was the same way, uh, like three weeks ago and I've started using it. It's like a very ball, it's like Google on steroids.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  I guess I do with Google, cause now that that just automatically comes up, but whatever, fucking. I don't know. I'm not worried about AI dude. I'm holding it down.

• 41:35Matt McCusker?

  I'm not at all dude. I don't know why everyone's spazzing out about it. It's like, I don't know. I don't, like, the, the, well, the thing is, if you have a job where you're like doing admin work, toast. You're a toast.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Good.

• 41:48Matt McCusker?

  I mean, yes.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  If I was doing admin work, I'd be like, release me from this.

• 41:51Matt McCusker?

  I know, true. My life, I'd rather my life had me.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  I'd rather be a cashier next to a fucking.

• 41:56Matt McCusker?

  At least you get to talk to people.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I mean, they, they're gonna have to figure it out because they, it will erase. What?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  I was gonna say they're gonna make cashiers automated, but that's where the earth people are really helping.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  We can't automate the cashiers.

• 42:19Matt McCusker?

  No, you know what they do now with the automated cashiers? They wait until, you're just on camera and they wait until you get up to like $500 of theft and they just come to your house. So you can have a field day and eventually you get a knock on the door and they're like, yo, bro. They wait till it gets to whatever the limit is for like larceny. And then you just get a knock on the door.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 42:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's how they get you now.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  But they are like, the last, they're fighting against the AI.

• 42:43Matt McCusker?

  I fought, I fought the cashiers.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Say, if you guys wanna automate this, yeah, you've been, you've.

• 42:46Matt McCusker?

  I've waged war against them and I got, and I, and I, dude, I'm telling you, it's, I knew, I was like, they, they just came out. They budget for billions of loss, even like any store does. There's like the theft, the loss prevention is like, they're like, we're gonna lose at least a billion this year. Like in Walmart, they know they're like, we're losing, whatever it is, a hundred million, whatever. So I was like, bro, these are just rolling out. And I, I went ham and then eventually I was like, alright, I'm, I'm done. Quit. I was like, this is ridiculous.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  You got out of the game.

• 43:13Matt McCusker?

  You know how crazy it is to steal like rotisserie chickens? When your Patreon's popping, it felt bad. I was like, I was like, I can't anymore. This is a crime. This is a crime dude. We're like number three on Patreon. I'm like, sweet.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  I was reaping the benefits. I was reaping the benefits. I'd be back home. I was your little fucking, you were, you were feeding me dude. I would lay back home, you'd go, I stole this rotisserie.

• 43:38Matt McCusker?

  I put these vitamins in a box at Whole Foods and pretended it was scrambled eggs.

• 43:44Matt McCusker?

  They were two dollars.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was, that lady got caught doing my method, which was you take a price tag off of a smaller price item, hold it under like a, I would get a whole like sheet cover for like 200 bucks, scan like a Walmart t-shirt over it. So on camera, I'm scanning this thing. But it would come up as like four, like seven bucks. But yeah, I, I stopped.

• 44:06Matt McCusker?

  I retired my jersey.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  It's good.

• 44:09Matt McCusker?

  I was like, I mean dude, the meat, I would get fucking like 10 pounds of meat. It's just not right.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  We need that meat.

• 44:21Matt McCusker?

  You just bag it all up?

• 44:22Speaker 01

  We need it.

• 44:24Matt McCusker?

  Oh man, you really could go nuts.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  One pound of meat last night.

• 44:30Matt McCusker?

  He was tenderizing last night.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  That's disgusting, Lamer.

• 44:34Matt McCusker?

  3 o'clock goop, man. And then you're laying on the couch.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Goop session, then you come in here and lay on my, I know you didn't, I'm certain you didn't shower. I showered. My fucking dick, you showered.

• 44:45Matt McCusker?

  Dribbling on the couch.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Goop man, the big goop.

• 44:56Matt McCusker?

  You guys have any goop in you or what's your guys' deal?

• 45:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I gooped last night.

• 45:01Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ, man.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  The whole squad's just dropping goop.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  I also gooped.

• 45:06Matt McCusker?

  Goopless.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  I wasn't gonna fall asleep early enough without gooping.

• 45:10Matt McCusker?

  Did you have to, did you have to scurry away to goop?

• 45:12Speaker 04

  I had to, I had to put my dog in his, in his kennel, throw a sheet, a blanket over him. I can't, I, he can't see me, it'll devastate me.

• 45:20Matt McCusker?

  Where'd you get, where'd you catch the goop sesh?

• 45:22Speaker 04

  Living room.

• 45:22Matt McCusker?

  Yo, bro.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  That's all I got, living room, bedroom.

• 45:25Matt McCusker?

  Bathroom, bro, bathroom.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  So here the door, I was telling Lamer this the other day.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  You wanted to goop without making love. You didn't wanna make any love.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  It's, it's that time of the month where you can't.

• 45:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just entered that, I just entered that period right now.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  I hate the goop.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's a witch.

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just entered, I just entered into that right now. We'll see.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  I think I'm about to.

• 45:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah, they're all, they're all.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Based on, uh, recent, recent attitudes.

• 45:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  The forecast got a little cloudy.

• 46:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  Storm's coming.

• 46:07Matt McCusker?

  What, there's, they ha- there has to be a thing. Actually, some women go on SSRIs during their periods. There's like a, there's a, they like diagnose a mental condition that's like menstrual induced depression, whatever it is. Menstrual induced fucking mean as hell.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Fucking mean as hell, dude.

• 46:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And some women now take Paxil and shit while on their periods.

• 46:34Matt McCusker?

  But, you know, that sucks.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  That's a good move. I might start.

• 46:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I'm worried about you.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  I made you some tea.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Eight Xanax.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  She's gonna sleep for a week.

• 46:49Matt McCusker?

  They should be able to go like into like a mini coma for like a week. That's fucking bullshit.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  They kinda do.

• 46:56Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  They really do. They hibernate for like three days.

• 46:59Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 47:01Matt McCusker?

  Just some movie on Netflix like, these beautiful things.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  I will say this.

• 47:11Matt McCusker?

  Shut the door.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  In defensive old Benson Boone.

• 47:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  I was trying to hate the boy.

• 47:16Matt McCusker?

  What about?

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Then I watched his American Idol.

• 47:19Matt McCusker?

  Killed it?

• 47:20Speaker 01

  It's kinda nice.

• 47:21Matt McCusker?

  He crushed it?

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:22Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just don't like the, I don't like the outfits very much. They're not for me.

• 47:28Matt McCusker?

  What are the, what's going on?

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Just a giant honker in a fucking, fucking bell bottoms onesie.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Does a flip off a piano and goes.

• 47:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  It's just not for me.

• 47:41Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I think, I know who you're talking about now.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that, uh, I mean, dude, when you enter into girl, have you become like a female entertainer? It's like, time's up. You gotta dress, you know, kinda, you know, like a gay guy. Cause if you, if you're just like, try to be a female entertainer and you just wore like cool, normal shit like we wear, like fucking alpha stuff.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  Alpha stuff.

• 48:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like alpha shit, like for some reason.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Hollow shorts, not a big deal.

• 48:07Matt McCusker?

  Something cash and light, like nothing crazy, but it's definitely like pretty.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  Something totally cash. Lets everyone in the room know, I don't care.

• 48:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  I don't care that you guys are dressing up. I dress like this.

• 48:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like you guys are so worried about goop and I'm not, like, if you don't even worry about goop and you don't have to wear anything, dude.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  If you don't worry about goop and the goop comes to you.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Girls see you, they go, that guy's dressed like a fucking dumbass. I'm gonna get his goop out of him.

• 48:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh dude, also I-

• 48:36Speaker 01

  I only get goo from guys that dress like fifth graders.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  It works.

• 48:44Matt McCusker?

  Dude, on the drive from Austin down to Port Aransas, you just kinda cut through these small Texas towns. And in every, dude, there'd be a town of like, you know when you come through and you're like, how? Like, this is crazy. Like, how do you even like exist here? You know, it could be a town of like four people. DQ. DQ's-

• 49:03Speaker 01

  DQ's are, yeah.

• 49:04Matt McCusker?

  Bro, it's like Spice. It's on Arrakis. Like whoever controls the fucking Blizzard-

• 49:07Speaker 01

  The DQ's, yeah.

• 49:08Matt McCusker?

  Whoever controls the Blizzard, he controls the whole town.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  So hot down there, bro.

• 49:11Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  You get a nice Blizzard?

• 49:14Matt McCusker?

  And there, dude, every town, it's like, there's just like nothing. DQ sticking up. You're like, fuck, bro.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  It's funny you notice that. I noticed that when I was down in Arizona.

• 49:23Matt McCusker?

  Did you?

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Every single small town. DQ.

• 49:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. It's like, it's the, it's the-

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Taco Bells too, and uh-

• 49:31Matt McCusker?

  Usually, yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Del Tacos. But yeah. DQ for sure.

• 49:37Matt McCusker?

  Might, might have to get into the DQ small town game. Just lording over small towns with the DQ.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  We had one in Mechanicsburg. It was a pretty big deal.

• 49:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, they're fucking-

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:47Matt McCusker?

  Every kid's sports game is-

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Shit rock.

• 49:49Matt McCusker?

  Straight to DQ.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:50Matt McCusker?

  They do, you know, they do the hot food too, the little chili dogs.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Matt's got something to say about the DQ.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, Matt would be a great ice cream man.

• 49:56Matt McCusker?

  I did work at an ice cream place before.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:58Matt McCusker?

  My, my, um, my hygiene wasn't good. I'd be in the batches, like, oh, bro. I'd be like itching my butt in the back.

• 50:08Matt McCusker?

  They'd be like, get out there and make some cones. I'd be like, alright. I used to walk by like the gallons, open the thing and just scoop it with my hands and eat the ice cream. It was so gross.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Matt, I worked in an ice cream factory and my hygiene wasn't great either.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  I would fucking sleep on the floor in the locker room. Then wake up and stick my hands straight in the ice cream.

• 50:32Matt McCusker?

  How could you not?

• 50:35Speaker 01

  If you ate Hershey's ice cream in 2010.

• 50:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was at Brewster's.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Brewster's fucking rules.

• 50:42Matt McCusker?

  Brewster's does rule.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:44Matt McCusker?

  Brewster's, it was a, it was a sick job, man, but you know, whatever. I'll be honest, I was stealing.

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Come to think of it, the hygiene was. Hygiene was low in the factory.

• 50:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  It was poor hygiene.

• 50:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I, yeah, it's not, it's not the best. Yeah, I remember like for real coming out of the bathroom from taking a dump and like handling a cone and the manager be like, "Did you wash your hands in the bathroom?" And I'd be like.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Yes, dude, there's a sign, of course. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  I just scratched my balls afterwards, like, "Yeah, what the hell are you talking about?"

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Love seeing that sign at a place I don't work at.

• 51:14Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Sucks for the employees.

• 51:17Matt McCusker?

  Sucks for those guys.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  I can go straight back out to the public with a dump on my hands.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  Straight back to the beer pong table.

• 51:29Matt McCusker?

  I don't think I, like, as a child, I know for a fact I never washed my hands after dumping.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, even, even.

• 51:37Matt McCusker?

  Never.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Sadly, even as an adult, it's like, if I wash my hands after I take a piss, I'm like.

• 51:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Really turn the corner, I'm like, "Am I a doctor?" Mate used to not wipe his butt.

• 51:51Matt McCusker?

  Oh, my God.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  You might be fart.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  You might, you're not earth, dude.

• 52:04Matt McCusker?

  I saw it coming. I, I, I was like five or six, it was, I didn't, I didn't have time. I had to get back, I had to, yeah, I had to get back to my Power Rangers and my Beast Wars.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  So you would just not wipe your ass?

• 52:16Matt McCusker?

  I would just get right up. I learned my lesson quickly.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:19Matt McCusker?

  It only takes a short amount of not wipes until you're one, your underwear devastated and then.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Holy shit, you must have had full dumps in there. You must have had insane dumps.

• 52:33Matt McCusker?

  Did somebody step in on this or were you just, you just naturally? I think, I, I think my mom might have said something, because at that age, I was still wearing straight tighty whities. Yep.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was getting, the laundry was fucking chaos.

• 52:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. She would hit me with the, "Are you wiped?" And I'd be like, "Yes."

• 52:51Speaker 04

  Shit.

• 52:53Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  I went like a full, full, like, maybe a year.

• 52:59Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  It, it, but it, yeah, maybe, maybe.

• 53:02Matt McCusker?

  It must have been free, though. It must have been nice, just like popping up, being like, suckers.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  I, I was still like, you know, I learned, I was doing it myself. That's big once you start doing that.

• 53:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 53:12Matt McCusker?

  I'll be honest, as an adult, I've tried it a couple of times. I'm like, you know, you're wiping, you're like, man, this is really getting me nowhere.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I mean, you can hit a fucking give up.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  You could definitely, look, that happens to everybody. You know, I've wiped seven times. I gotta go about my day. I can't sit here wiping my ass for twenty fucking minutes. The give up never works. You end up going back to the bathroom.

• 53:38Matt McCusker?

  Or you just forget. Like, I'll be like, before bed, I'll be like moving. I'm like, what the fuck? The hell's going on?

• 53:44Speaker 01

  My ass is itchy as hell.

• 53:45Matt McCusker?

  Literally last night, I was walking by and I, I took a nice, oh, I took a nice dump during the day and I, I thought it was fine enough. I was like, alright, I'm good to go. I like was about to get ready for bed and I was like, something's not right. And I took, I like was, I took a piss and I like just like.

• 53:59Speaker 01

  The father's intuition.

• 54:02Matt McCusker?

  Let me just, let me see, let me just get one little ass wipe before bed, dude.

• 54:07Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you would have thought I just had. I was like, oh, no. I heard, I heard Brittany come up the steps. I was like, real quick.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Find out about this.

• 54:16Matt McCusker?

  Sure. When she catches me just wiping my ass at nighttime, she's like, what, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing, alright, I'm getting ready for bed. Leave me alone. Yeah, I'm jerking off in here.

• 54:27Matt McCusker?

  Getting my goop out. Getting my goop out.

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, I, I unfortunately, yeah, I had a five-year-old's ass last night before bedtime. I thought I was like, I didn't even, you know, I didn't even thought I'd give up. I was like, thought I was good to go. Thought I was Gucci. Turns out, not the case. I, uh.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  No, we've all, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

• 54:48Matt McCusker?

  No, yeah. I, I hit a hard, I hit a give up the other day that's straight to the shower.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  That's, that's the move.

• 54:54Matt McCusker?

  That is the move, man.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, this, this isn't working.

• 54:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, straight to the shower. I walked past my whole family. I was in like the downstairs bathroom. Brittany's like, are, are you done pooping? I was like, taking it to the shower. This was a disaster.

• 55:05Speaker 04

  This was a disaster.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  This was a complete disaster. I've gotta wash my ass.

• 55:11Matt McCusker?

  I gotta power wash my asshole.

• 55:15Matt McCusker?

  What are we having for breakfast?

• 55:18Speaker 01

  Prepare breakfast, I'll be done washing my ass in a minute.

• 55:21Matt McCusker?

  Next time she catches me wiping my ass at nighttime, I'm gonna turn around and go, "These beautiful things are not there."

• 55:30Matt McCusker?

  Do a backflip off the toilet and land on my back.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  You gotta hear the other guy, I forget the way it uh...

• 55:35Matt McCusker?

  It's like, "You'll be married in the suburbs of the American dream." There's another, there's another sexy crooner right now?

• 55:45Speaker 02

  It's a white guy on Instagram, they call it Kylecore, this type of music.

• 55:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:50Matt McCusker?

  Those...

• 55:51Speaker 02

  It's Kylecore.

• 55:52Matt McCusker?

  All you need is one good girl hit, man.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:55Matt McCusker?

  You're good to go.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  He's kinda getting clowned though, everyone's saying, "This is not it."

• 56:00Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 56:01Speaker 03

  It's just super corny, it's, it's... Yeah, if Shane, I'll, I'll look for it.

• 56:24Matt McCusker?

  I heard this song.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Fuck. Fuck.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  He seems old to be that whimsical and gay.

• 56:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, how old is, how old is he? He's probably late twenties, I would say. That's when you're just getting old enough to become, honestly, even gayer.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  True, some guys do double down.

• 56:53Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, he has, he knows like one person who had a kid and he's like, "Oh, oh my god."

• 56:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:59Matt McCusker?

  "And you'll be in California, and I'll be dancing. You'll be fucking going to the grocery store, you stupid bitch."

• 57:10Matt McCusker?

  And I'll be singing and gooping everywhere.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  He might have gooped that night though. There was some people filming that that looked like they were ready for some goop.

• 57:21Matt McCusker?

  Women love nothing more than a guy who thinks he's a guitar and be like, "It's so hard for you." And I'll be gooping out in California.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  But I'm telling you, you guys see Machine Gun Gillis put out the Goop anthem in the summer too.

• 57:34Matt McCusker?

  What was the Goop anthem he put out?

• 57:36Speaker 01

  He put out a full on fucking goop sesh for the for the broads.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  What was it? It was a screamo goop sesh?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Uh, you'll-

• 57:43Matt McCusker?

  Or was it more pop punk?

• 57:45Speaker 01

  It's pop, uh...

• 57:48Speaker 01

  It's just pop. Yeah, he put out a nice goop sesh.

• 57:51Matt McCusker?

  That guy is like the perfect celebrity though. Just like he'll like, one of those guys will just wear like Frankenstein boots.

• 58:00Matt McCusker?

  Oh, he's like going full Backstreet Boys.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:02Matt McCusker?

  Whoa. Backstreet's back.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 58:06Matt McCusker?

  Backstreet's fucking back.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, timestamp that. We're not allowed to play cool goop music.

• 58:12Matt McCusker?

  I think we play, if we're talking about it, it's Crammin license or whatever or something, allegedly. I don't know.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Allegedly. Now he put out a Goop anthem. It's him and the California, dancing in California guy that are battling for the goop, the goop shout of the summer.

• 58:26Matt McCusker?

  True. Well, what about fucking the dude at the piano backflipper?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  He's got some goop stuff coming.

• 58:31Matt McCusker?

  He's gotta get this goop up.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  He's got a couple goop songs.

• 58:33Matt McCusker?

  He needs a goop. He needs to release a song so he can-

• 58:36Speaker 01

  I think he's got some new goop shit coming.

• 58:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I wonder who's battling for the song of the summer? Kanye threw down the ga- the gauntlet.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Kanye's still leading, I'd say. I guess Nokia from Drake is-

• 58:48Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Hanging on. He gooped too early with that though.

• 58:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he should have saved it for the summer.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  He should have saved that for the summer.

• 58:53Matt McCusker?

  It's not too late for him to release a summer anthem. There's no great summer anthem right now besides... I mean, what did we have last year? Last year we had some fucking banger. We had that guy, the Tipsy, the guy, uh, the Black Apple. Shaboozie.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  That was a good one.

• 59:06Matt McCusker?

  He fucking-

• 59:09Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really? Was that the summertime?

• 59:11Speaker 02

  That was the song of the year.

• 59:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but you can't part- that was like-

• 59:16Speaker 01

  This is, you are just Whoopi from, you're The View. You're The View, bro.

• 59:21Matt McCusker?

  He's goofy, dude.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  You love the liberal anthem.

• 59:24Matt McCusker?

  He's goopy.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  You love when Kamala danced to it.

• 59:29Matt McCusker?

  Whoopi Goldberg.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  Dude, you couldn't turn on anything without hearing "Not Like Us" last year.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 59:36Matt McCusker?

  That was summer, so that was some, was that the summer anthem, though?

• 59:38Speaker 01

  It's not really a summer anthem.

• 59:40Matt McCusker?

  It's not?

• 59:40Speaker 01

  In any way.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  I don't know, dude. As soon as you hit the certified level, boy.

• 59:46Matt McCusker?

  I think that song is what made "Ginger's Black."

• 59:50Speaker 01

  It actually might be.

• 59:53Matt McCusker?

  Hold on a second.

• 59:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I got, maybe, okay, that could have been summer anthem, maybe?

• 59:59Speaker 01

  That was definitely the most played.

• 1:00:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure. For Faux Show. But, again, like, dude, I'm thinking Kid Rock, Summer Anthem, that was a real summer anthem. That's like, party time. I guess you can, I don't know.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Nobody partied to that song, other than, for real, the DNC.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly. We're, we're in need of a fucking summer banger. Shaboozie, was that last year or like, two years ago?

• 1:00:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was the summer anthem, dude. Let's be, let's all get real. Let's have a reality check here.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  It's time for a reality check.

• 1:00:29Matt McCusker?

  Fuck, can we please get back down to fucking Earth right now?

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  It's time to get down to Earth.

• 1:00:33Matt McCusker?

  That was the summer anthem.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  You found a summer anthem?

• 1:00:37Matt McCusker?

  Well, what, let's see, what are they?

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  There was, uh...

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  I just typed it into Google.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  What about Espresso?

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  "I Had Some Help" by Morgan Wallen.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  "Had Some Help" was a big one. Oh, yeah, that was a huge one.

• 1:00:48Speaker 03

  "Hot To Go" by Chapel Rohn was a big one.

• 1:00:50Matt McCusker?

  That was last summer?

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  These are all great summer anthems.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  "Million Dollar Baby" by Tommy Richman.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was, that was one you couldn't escape either.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Uh, "Shabooze."

• 1:00:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  Oh, and I found out the guy who sings that song in the backyard is Brendan Abernathy, an indie musician.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Oh, nice, nice.

• 1:01:08Speaker 03

  I've been Googling him.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  Good luck, Brandon.

• 1:01:11Speaker 03

  Easy, yeah, okay.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  He seemed like a, he seemed to have, be a good sport about it. He made a funny video with that, uh, Kyle Gordon guy about it.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:19Matt McCusker?

  But people roasting him?

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  People are flaming him pretty hard.

• 1:01:22Matt McCusker?

  Seems to be the price you pay, man. If you, like, if you wanna get a, a big following on Instagram, you have to deal with, like, people fucking hating on you.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:29Matt McCusker?

  Like, hard.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:38Matt McCusker?

  Kind of the price you pay. You know?

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  It's good to, it's good to check the comments before you do a press run for tires.

• 1:01:48Matt McCusker?

  Why did you do that?

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  I don't know, I was bored. I just kept looking at shit.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  It's good.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think I'm doing too much. And then you read all these comments, the top comments, like, he's doing too much. I know.

• 1:02:00Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  It's exactly what I thought. Well, it's a good thing I have a press run for tires.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Oh, I blew it with Gerbys.

• 1:02:08Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  I had him. I, I, I told you, they wanted me to do late night. I said, I won't do it without Gerbys. That way I can pants him.

• 1:02:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  And then I had, I had him. I was like, we gotta wear a tuxedo for Seth Meyers. And he was gonna wear a tuxedo. And he called me and he was like, do we really have to wear a tuxedo? I was like, no.

• 1:02:29Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that was nice of you.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  I should have done it.

• 1:02:33Matt McCusker?

  You're crazy, dude.

• 1:02:37Matt McCusker?

  No, that's nice.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  I've still got some things up my sleeve for him.

• 1:02:40Matt McCusker?

  True. I mean, dude, honestly, it's kind of a 40 chess, because now you're going, nah, man, I'm just fucking around.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  I couldn't do that to you.

• 1:02:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I couldn't do that to you.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Guess what?

• 1:02:47Matt McCusker?

  Sweatpants. Turns out you gotta wear sweatpants.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  We, we have to wear sweatpants.

• 1:02:53Matt McCusker?

  That'll be so fucking funny.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Fuck, I gotta get an outfit. I don't have any.

• 1:02:58Matt McCusker?

  Shit. Would you, yeah, what are you gonna, what are you gonna go with?

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Do you have to wear nice stuff to late night?

• 1:03:03Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I feel like at least a golf shirt and some jeans.

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  Got it. Done.

• 1:03:08Matt McCusker?

  Golf shirt and jeans. Golf shirt and jeans. Throw on some dungarees.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  Oh, man, I've, I've also, I'm nervous about that. I don't like that. Uh, late night television, you gotta walk out through the curtain?

• 1:03:18Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  To the desk, you know?

• 1:03:20Matt McCusker?

  That'd be cool.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  You ever see the thing? Have you ever seen late night television in any way?

• 1:03:24Matt McCusker?

  I've, I've never seen it live, no.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Like, when they bring out a guest, you gotta walk out?

• 1:03:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Matt McCusker?

  Well, you'll, people will be happy. It'll come out, people will go, ah. Then you can go out. Dude, if any, all else fails.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  They might not be that happy. We thought it was gonna be Pedro Pascal.

• 1:03:46Matt McCusker?

  They'll be stoked. Gerb, just watching Gerb.

• 1:03:49Speaker 01

  Gerb is gonna lose his mind.

• 1:03:50Matt McCusker?

  It'll be so funny. It'll be so fucking funny sitting there.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  It's gonna be really bad.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  There's no way it's good.

• 1:04:01Matt McCusker?

  The best was last year when you guys did the Tires premiere and they tried to do a serious interview.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  A serious interview after the premiere and then Gerb sat next to me and was just going.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  He's just staring. I was like, Gerb, and he's talking. He asked you a question. He's like, what?

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Fucking, what's wrong with you? And he's like, I'm having a panic attack. And I was like, oh, fuck, dude.

• 1:04:22Matt McCusker?

  You gotta hit him with his cocktail before he goes up.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  He's gonna get some cocktails.

• 1:04:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, bro, you gotta get, you gotta let him drink on that, drink on that Xanax. I looked back when we were flying, I was just like, just looking back at him. Halfway through, he's just like.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  He's a fucking cat. You gotta. Yeah, he's a cat, dude. You gotta literally inject him with drugs to get him on a fucking plane.

• 1:04:44Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:04:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, give him the Xans, bro.

• 1:04:50Matt McCusker?

  Give him like double the dose and let him just wear shades the whole time. That'd be so nice.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  I'm just, I know what I'm doing.

• 1:04:57Matt McCusker?

  You should get one of those like fake press bars in Kensington. Just give him Fett. Just give him some Fett.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Fucking kill him.

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  You can all can him on fucking Seth Meyers.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  I could get in a fight with him on Seth Meyers. That'd be sick. Just get in a fistfight with him.

• 1:05:11Matt McCusker?

  That'd be so funny, dude.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Gerb is getting jacked, dude. He might be a problem.

• 1:05:15Matt McCusker?

  He's ripped, dude. He's absolutely ripped. But you've been training, so.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  I took a little week off there.

• 1:05:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're just. Your muscles are just building back up though.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:05:25Matt McCusker?

  So you need some recovery. Yeah, it'll be, it'll be very fun.

• 1:05:32Matt McCusker?

  How, how is Seth Meyers? You ever met him before?

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  I actually met him. He came at SNL. He came down to my green room just to say what's up. He was very nice.

• 1:05:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've heard that about a lot of the late night guys are like very nice.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think they're all kind of the bros.

• 1:05:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. So.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Are you gonna get hammered with them? I feel like Jimmy gets, well Jimmy gets hammered. Jimmy Fallon gets.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  Allegedly Jimmy gets hammered.

• 1:05:55Matt McCusker?

  Drinking out of the mug would be sick though. I've always, that's one thing.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Allegedly.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Allegedly.

• 1:05:59Speaker 02

  Allegedly.

• 1:06:00Matt McCusker?

  How would you not, I would have to be hammered every night to do that job.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  Bro, that job?

• 1:06:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  No offense to the late night guys, that's a.

• 1:06:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah dude, I'd be, I'd have to do something, man. That'd be crazy.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  The dudes that get that job though, always wanted that job.

• 1:06:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Every single one of them's like, I grew up watching like Carson or all that. And they're like, this is all I've ever wanted.

• 1:06:18Matt McCusker?

  I always wonder, when I hear people say that, is I've like, I don't have any version of that at all. I've never watched a thing as a child and been like, this is all I want. I just would sit there and just be like, fuck dude, I can't wait to smoke a cigarette in the woods. It's gonna be so sick. I never looked at a thing and I was like, one day I'll do that. I was just sitting there going, damn.

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:38Matt McCusker?

  Fucking hard to say right now. Hiding a boner under a pillow.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  I didn't really have a choice, yeah. The only thing we watched like as a family was just football.

• 1:06:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  And I was, I was like, I'll play football. And then even by like eighth grade, I was like, I'm not gonna be good enough.

• 1:06:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I had the opposite. I was in eighth grade. That was the one thing I was like, I'll definitely be in the NFL. It's just a matter of time.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  I told you about that, uh, in, in our school, you wrote a letter to yourself when you graduate from eighth grade.

• 1:07:04Matt McCusker?

  Like a little time capsule?

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  They give it to you when you're graduating.

• 1:07:06Matt McCusker?

  What'd you say?

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  My letter was like, dude, obviously you're getting offers from Florida State, Notre Dame, Miami. And then it was like, the next paragraph was like, yeah, right. You suck. You're probably going D2.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  I was like, alright, nice.

• 1:07:19Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  Bully from the past.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  You suck. Yeah, it's like, yeah, right dude, you're not going D1, you suck.

• 1:07:29Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 1:07:30Speaker 01

  I for real remember in, as an adult, like not an adult, but as a senior reading it, being like, god damn it, I didn't live up to my expectation. Oh, nevermind, I knew.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  That's funny.

• 1:07:41Matt McCusker?

  Wise beyond your years.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, the late night things give me anxiety, but that'll be, that'll be fun.

• 1:07:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that seems kinda low pressure.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  I'm just gonna talk about how Gervis is a superstar now and.

• 1:07:54Matt McCusker?

  Hilarious.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  If season two is a success, Gervin's gonna be.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  He's gonna be lost in the sauce.

• 1:07:59Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, for sure. He'll be, he'll have his own little top golf castle.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  He's the king of Westchester Golf.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  He really is. He had, he made guys film him hit golf balls the other day.

• 1:08:12Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  It was actually, it was actually pretty exciting.

• 1:08:16Matt McCusker?

  Who was filming him?

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Just his country club boys.

• 1:08:18Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking tight. That is so.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  He's a man there. He runs that. He's like, Shane, I gotta tell you, I think I'm the most famous guy at the country club.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  He broke eighty though. He broke eighty.

• 1:08:32Matt McCusker?

  Damn, really?

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, Kirby's is fucking good.

• 1:08:34Matt McCusker?

  That's really good.

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  And he filmed it. It was kinda nice. It was on his Instagram story. So he was like, I'm about to break eighty on this hole.

• 1:08:40Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  This could be it.

• 1:08:41Matt McCusker?

  But he shoot like a seventy, seventy-nine or seventy?

• 1:08:43Speaker 01

  He shot seventy-nine.

• 1:08:45Matt McCusker?

  Dang, he's been really golfing.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Fuck it, yeah.

• 1:08:48Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome. I was pumped up myself. I did a under eight-minute mile this morning.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  That's tough, dude.

• 1:08:53Matt McCusker?

  Seven fifty-five. I was fucking dying. Sick. Ever since you told me about the Murphy workout, I was like, I gotta do that.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Murphy workout blows dick.

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Don't do it.

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  It's a mi- what is it, a mile?

• 1:09:03Speaker 01

  It's a mile and then like.

• 1:09:04Matt McCusker?

  Hundred push-ups?

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  Three hundred push-ups, five hundred. It's fucking crazy.

• 1:09:08Matt McCusker?

  Never mind. I did a baby version. I just did a mile.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  No, I did the, that's the one I did, yeah.

• 1:09:12Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  It's like a hundred push-ups and I was like, alright, that's a lot, dude.

• 1:09:16Matt McCusker?

  That's what I did.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  He was like fifty pull-ups. I was like, I got bad news for you, brother.

• 1:09:21Matt McCusker?

  You have to do fifty push-ups on my butt.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  I'm gonna rip my shoulders trying to get one.

• 1:09:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you'll get fucked up, man. But yeah, that, that was, I'm, I'm, that's the one thing I do like, having a little test going on where I'm trying to get stuff like that down over and over. It's pretty chill. Seven fifty-five was huge. I was at, I was a ten-minute miler for a while.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  Ten minutes, nice.

• 1:09:42Matt McCusker?

  Ten minutes chill.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  Ten minutes, ten minutes attainable.

• 1:09:45Matt McCusker?

  Fucking chill. Yeah, the eight, I got an eight-eleven a week before and I was like, I gotta break eight. And I looked and I was at like seven on the fourth lap, coming like halfway around and I just was like, I'm gonna get a seven-thirty and I looked up, it was like seven fifty-seven. I was like, I'll take it.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 1:10:00Matt McCusker?

  It was nice. It was nice. I'm gonna try to break it. I'm gonna try to get.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  You'll break that.

• 1:10:04Matt McCusker?

  Seven, I could get, I could get like, low sevens is my goal. I'd be chill. Low sevens would be sick. And then I'm, again, dude, just fucking hard. I'd be hard. Rock hard, in fantastic shape. It just, that's it. That's all I'll do for the rest of my life.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Just have boners and.

• 1:10:23Matt McCusker?

  Have boners.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  Have boners and run and not come and run.

• 1:10:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's my, that's kinda my plan.

• 1:10:30Matt McCusker?

  And I'm gonna try-

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  That could be your plan, dude. You'll be living the American dream, but you know what I'll be doing?

• 1:10:35Matt McCusker?

  That's not what-

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  Alright, let's go to the Patreon.

• 1:10:43Matt McCusker?

  Ooh, buddy.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

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• 1:11:22Speaker 06

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