Charlotte Ritchie asks about opening up a shop

Charlotte Ritchie was Mae's costar on "Feel Good" and also stars in "You" on Netflix... and for her next role, she's asking Handsome a quaint little question about opening up a shop! Plus the truth about "truth be told", the return of Pit Bull, and a whole lotta baby talk. Gaga googoo! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:53Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 2:07Tig Notaro?

  Hello, it is your friend. Oh, and it's Fortune. It's me Tig, but you go ahead. You go, girl.

• 2:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just saying, welcome to the handsome pod.

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, thank you. Who are you?

• 2:29Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortune.

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  Hey, Fortune, it's me Tig.

• 2:32Mae Martin?

  And all, and me. I'm May.

• 2:35Tig Notaro?

  May, Fortune, Tig.

• 2:37Fortune Feimster?

  Hi, guys.

• 2:38Mae Martin?

  Hi, guys.

• 2:39Fortune Feimster?

  My hair's still wet. I did a little treading.

• 2:42Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 2:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my goodness. How's treading going?

• 2:45Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. You tell me.

• 2:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my lord them guns. How long are you treading these days?

• 2:52Fortune Feimster?

  Um, today was a, like a 40 minute, 40 minute.

• 2:57Mae Martin?

  40 minute.

• 2:58Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 2:58Fortune Feimster?

  40 minute?

• 2:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, 40 minute.

• 2:59Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, been doing, but I've been doing anywhere from 30 to an hour.

• 3:03Tig Notaro?

  That's amazing.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  Thanks.

• 3:05Tig Notaro?

  That's awesome.

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  I wonder if your life depended on it, how long you could go. Like if your boat sank and there were sharks.

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  Good question.

• 3:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I think about that all the time. Not about Fortune, but about myself. I always think.

• 3:20Tig Notaro?

  I wonder if I, yeah, I wonder if I've trained myself to just do an hour.

• 3:25Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 3:26Tig Notaro?

  And then, and my body, because I really do. I, I clock myself to the minute and then I just exit the pool.

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Tig Notaro?

  But I do wonder if I was in the ocean, and of course, that would be a much harder tread.

• 3:40Mae Martin?

  Or would it be, maybe the salt would buoy you up.

• 3:43Tig Notaro?

  Maybe. There's also, you know, if you're treading and you get a little tired, you can just kind of float on your back for a little bit.

• 3:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Tig Notaro?

  And just chill.

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  Till them sharks come.

• 3:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. What happened?

• 3:57Mae Martin?

  What just happened?

• 3:58Fortune Feimster?

  That was Biggie.

• 3:59Tig Notaro?

  What, did he, did he try to attack you?

• 4:02Fortune Feimster?

  No, I mean, he's, the older he gets, he keeps coughing up a lot.

• 4:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, it sounded like he was going.

• 4:08Fortune Feimster?

  That was like a.

• 4:10Fortune Feimster?

  Hey buddy.

• 4:11Tig Notaro?

  Does anything come out?

• 4:13Fortune Feimster?

  No, just love.

• 4:14Tig Notaro?

  Uh, just love. He coughed up love. Of course, Biggie coughed up love.

• 4:20Fortune Feimster?

  He coughed up love, yes.

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh, look at him giving kisses.

• 4:26Mae Martin?

  You remember Care Bears?

• 4:27Tig Notaro?

  Of course, we remember Care Bears. We're human beings alive on the planet.

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  What if the Care Bears, instead of shooting the stuff out of their tummies, they coughed it up?

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, see, I don't know Care Bears enough to know things come out of their tummy.

• 4:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like they shoot love and rainbows out of their cute little tummies.

• 4:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I did not know that.

• 4:49Fortune Feimster?

  I had a little turquoise Care Bear back in the day.

• 4:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, the turquoise one was good.

• 4:54Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. And were there, did the colors have anything to do with anything?

• 4:59Mae Martin?

  All I remember is lion heart.

• 5:02Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't know what color he was. I think regular lion color. Simpler fucking times, yo.

• 5:09Tig Notaro?

  Than the ones we're living in now?

• 5:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  Bears have talked.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  I got really sad today about, um, cash. Like, I bet there'll be no more cash soon, and I love a coin. I love it.

• 5:20Tig Notaro?

  Soon?

• 5:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I bet they're gonna get rid of cash.

• 5:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I think it might have a moment for a bit.

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, you think it's gonna have a moment?

• 5:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, I mean, like, it'll continue on for a bit.

• 5:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, maybe.

• 5:34Fortune Feimster?

  You're just ready for end of times.

• 5:37Mae Martin?

  I'm ready, yeah.

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  Guys, I just got back from, uh, DC.

• 5:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. All about it.

• 5:44Tig Notaro?

  I was, I was just about to, until you interrupted to tell me to tell you all about it.

• 5:50Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, I want all the hot goss from DC.

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what's going on?

• 5:55Tig Notaro?

  I went to DC to lobby. I have never done that before.

• 6:00Mae Martin?

  Tig!

• 6:00Tig Notaro?

  I know. I was lobbying for the arts, and it was really interesting, having to go into...

• 6:08Tig Notaro?

  You know, Congress and the White House and speak with Republicans and and try and convince them to not cut that budget.

• 6:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  So, yeah, that was interesting. Have you guys ever done anything like that? It was very intimidating.

• 6:27Mae Martin?

  You should have tap danced for like, that would have really got through to them. They would have taken you very seriously. Yeah.

• 6:34Tig Notaro?

  I was in this one office. I was out there with other actors and people. And one of

• 6:46Tig Notaro?

  it was so funny because when you walk out of one office, they had two baskets of peanuts. One basket had peanuts from Georgia and one had peanuts from Texas. And the girl behind the desk was, you know, she had some sort of southern accent and was encouraging us to take peanuts. And, you know, try both if you want. And so of course, I love snacks. And so I grabbed one Georgia, one Texas. And then we went into the next meeting and I and and we're having our, our meeting and I was having my peanuts in the meeting. And

• 7:27Tig Notaro?

  and do you know Alex Borstein?

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  Yes, from Mad TV and

• 7:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:33Mae Martin?

  Mrs. Maisel.

• 7:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, all of those things. She's so funny and cool, but when we left that meeting, she said, the my favorite part of that particular meeting was you. She said, I heard some rustling and I looked over and you had your hand in the peanut bag and some peanuts fell on the floor.

• 7:56Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, look, I'm new here. I'm easy in. But, um, but yeah, it was definitely intimidating.

• 8:04Tig Notaro?

  For sure, the first meeting that we had.

• 8:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:07Tig Notaro?

  And, and I didn't speak up until the second meeting. And then I started to feel more confident. And I think I'm gonna, um, you know, I think I'm gonna continue doing some lobbying in, in the future.

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  That's amazing. Yeah.

• 8:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was, it was definitely, it's one of those moments where you go, you should do things to scare yourself.

• 8:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Tig Notaro?

  It scared me. I bet. Even though I was lobbying for the arts. There, there, there's, there's a wide spectrum of response from Republicans about the arts. You know, there are some that are just very much like, we're on board. We do not want this budget cut. And, um, all the way to, um,

• 8:47Mae Martin?

  It's satanic.

• 8:48Tig Notaro?

  Hard numbers of why we should not cut this budget. And explaining how, you know, the money doesn't go to LA and New York and Chicago, places like that. It goes to small towns to invest in these little theaters. And if you kill that, you kill the joy. People don't go to the restaurants in the town. People aren't filling up their cars and, you know, at the gas stations and all, all different people. And, um, businesses are affected by it.

• 9:20Mae Martin?

  I never thought about that.

• 9:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, how it.

• 9:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:24Mae Martin?

  You're successfully lobbying me. I'm like, I was on the fence and now I'm like.

• 9:28Tig Notaro?

  We don't want the arts cut, for sure. No, no, there's so many things we don't want cut.

• 9:33Mae Martin?

  Seriously.

• 9:34Tig Notaro?

  And as we've talked on previous episodes, there's different ways that we've all been involved. Um, whether it's benefits or donating our money and time in different ways. But this was a completely different, um,

• 9:47Mae Martin?

  Lobbying.

• 9:47Tig Notaro?

  Experience that I had in my, uh, in my life.

• 9:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's impressive.

• 9:52Tig Notaro?

  Tay goes to Washington.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's a good, Tay Goes to Washington is a good little book. I'm buzzing because we had the Canadian election results.

• 10:03Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 10:04Mae Martin?

  Thank the Lord.

• 10:06Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 10:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Mark Carney won and not the creepy Trumpy guy. Yeah, it's always closer than you think, though.

• 10:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, it wasn't looking good for Canada for a while.

• 10:20Fortune Feimster?

  I hadn't been following it, truth be told, so I didn't know.

• 10:23Tig Notaro?

  You didn't follow the Canadian?

• 10:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 10:26Tig Notaro?

  No. I mean, it was looking tricky, really tricky.

• 10:30Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 10:30Tig Notaro?

  And then, once Trump went into office and all of this.

• 10:34Mae Martin?

  The tariffs really, yeah, really helped. I think people see what could happen if we, yeah, yeah.

• 10:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:40Mae Martin?

  But there's a nice vibe on the streets today. People are, morning, how you doing?

• 10:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's right. You're in Canada.

• 10:47Mae Martin?

  Here I am, yeah.

• 10:48Tig Notaro?

  Aww. What are you doing?

• 10:50Mae Martin?

  I'm doing the edit for Wayward, almost done. But yeah, I'm in one of those like soul sucking offices with this overhead neon lighting and I feel like it's sucking my soul out of my body.

• 11:02Tig Notaro?

  And when do you finish the show completely? When are you a free bird?

• 11:07Mae Martin?

  Like mid-June, I think, is the final, is the final one?

• 11:10Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's gonna be good. It's like four years of thinking about this one story.

• 11:16Tig Notaro?

  And you're liking what you see?

• 11:18Mae Martin?

  I'm liking what I see, I think.

• 11:20Tig Notaro?

  That's great.

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but I feel a little loopy and I feel like, I talked about this when I was in the writer's room, like that I felt like a, like kind of a fraud, like I'm a teenager. Like, I find it very hard to sit still and focus. I keep jumping up and doing pushups or like running around the block and all these grownups around me are like, really?

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  Just gotta do some pushups.

• 11:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Fortune Feimster?

  I have a hard time concentrating, too.

• 11:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Fortune Feimster?

  I don't do pushups because I can't.

• 11:48Tig Notaro?

  With those guns, you can't?

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I mean, I haven't, truth be told, attempted it since starting my Tread journey. Maybe I need to start. I can't do the pushups made as. I have to do my knees.

• 12:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:06Tig Notaro?

  You can do them against the wall.

• 12:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, like standing pushups against the wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:10Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe I'll start with that.

• 12:11Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, I have the title for your spinoff.

• 12:16Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 12:16Tig Notaro?

  Podcast. It's called Truth Be Told.

• 12:20Mae Martin?

  Hey.

• 12:22Fortune Feimster?

  I don't have time for another podcast. My heart is handsome.

• 12:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:27Mae Martin?

  Truth be told is good.

• 12:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but you do know you say that a lot. Truth be told.

• 12:31Fortune Feimster?

  Truth be told? I didn't know that.

• 12:34Tig Notaro?

  Did you not?

• 12:35Fortune Feimster?

  I really did not.

• 12:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Have you have you noticed in me? Truth be told?

• 12:40Mae Martin?

  Now that you say it, it's all I'm gonna hear. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah.

• 12:45Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone drink every time I say it.

• 12:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that would be good.

• 12:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh, guys. Also, I was at a cancer benefit last night.

• 12:54Fortune Feimster?

  Stop bragging.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  And guess what band performed?

• 13:00Fortune Feimster?

  Little Big Town.

• 13:02Tig Notaro?

  Yes, Little Big Town.

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

  I'm friends with them.

• 13:04Tig Notaro?

  I know. You came up at dinner. They were sitting.

• 13:08Fortune Feimster?

  I did?

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they were sitting right there at the end of the table with me. I mean, we weren't talking. Actually, we weren't talking about you specifically, but I heard. There was like in passing, like, oh, yeah, Fortune has a podcast and Tigs, you know, that kind of thing.

• 13:26Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 13:28Tig Notaro?

  But, no, they had heard about us being in Nashville and about Brad Paisley. And they had been texting with Kimberly Williams Paisley about the show. And and that it was just a real highlight for them.

• 13:43Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 13:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And so they were like, next time you're in Nashville, or you have to book another Nashville gig. And I said, are you telling me we can get Little Big Town on the next?

• 13:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. But, um, but, yeah, they're so fun. They love comedy. I've I've I've known them for a while through my Chelsea lately days. And then have seen them out on the road and they their whole family, like, everyone tours like a little village. It's just like a really, they're they're tight and. Um, they're a family.

• 14:21Mae Martin?

  Family bands anymore. I like that. A whole family on the road like that.

• 14:26Fortune Feimster?

  They got it on lock. They, they, um, it's a good time. They're great. Just, and their harmonies are like unbelievable.

• 14:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 14:33Mae Martin?

  Love a harm.

• 14:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, the harmonies are chef's kiss. They're even, their music on their tracks are amazing, but like in, in person.

• 14:42Tig Notaro?

  Live, yeah.

• 14:43Fortune Feimster?

  Live is like next level.

• 14:45Mae Martin?

  Little Big Town sounds like it would be Biggie's band.

• 14:48Fortune Feimster?

  And guess what they sing?

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 14:50Fortune Feimster?

  On the pontoon.

• 14:53Mae Martin?

  What?

• 14:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's my tone.

• 14:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:56Mae Martin?

  They sing on the pontoon?

• 14:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. They sing my favorite. On the pontoon.

• 15:01Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 15:02Fortune Feimster?

  Out here in the open, mm, motorboat.

• 15:06Mae Martin?

  Okay, all right. It's all coming together. Okay.

• 15:09Tig Notaro?

  I know. I mentioned to them that that song has, I said, we have talked about you on our podcast.

• 15:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:16Tig Notaro?

  And, um, yeah, so I mentioned that.

• 15:18Mae Martin?

  We'll have to get them to do a question.

• 15:20Tig Notaro?

  For sure.

• 15:21Mae Martin?

  In harmony, they could do a question.

• 15:23Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh.

• 15:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:24Fortune Feimster?

  That's real good.

• 15:26Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, I was with them last night and they were absolutely wonderful live and just the most charming, friendly people to sit and have dinner with.

• 15:38Mae Martin?

  Would you guys, would you like it if someone, if you received news via a musical delivery at your door, like a barbershop quartet?

• 15:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, like, um, what are those, are those called something grams?

• 15:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, music gram or something. Like if you opened the door and it was like, we're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod.

• 16:01Fortune Feimster?

  What a way to get let go.

• 16:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:03Fortune Feimster?

  Say you've been fired from the pod. We hope you have a great day. Here's a little nod.

• 16:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh. I didn't know the song was gonna keep going.

• 16:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you got around something.

• 16:15Mae Martin?

  There's a little nod.

• 16:18Mae Martin?

  You think the nod would soften the blow and the harmonies or would it make it like more infuriating?

• 16:23Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna say probably wouldn't, I, I wouldn't hate it if someone sent it. I would be like, oh, that was nice, but also like, this is weird.

• 16:33Mae Martin?

  If you guys fired me via Music Gram, I would be, I would be like, oh, they hate me. Like, that is so like, well, yeah, because it's so cold to be like this chicker group of, yeah.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  You're not taking the time to actually be personal with somebody and say, listen, you're doing a terrible job and nobody likes you. That's why we have to let you go.

• 16:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're going, look, this is a laugh for us. We're thrilled about it.

• 17:01Tig Notaro?

  And if you guys ever feel like I'm doing a terrible job and you want to let me go, you can just tell me that. You don't have to send anybody.

• 17:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 17:10Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I would be terribly bummed, but.

• 17:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, of course.

• 17:14Tig Notaro?

  I would appreciate a more direct conversation.

• 17:16Fortune Feimster?

  We would say, we voted and it's two against one.

• 17:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. That would be the ultimate two against one.

• 17:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it really would.

• 17:28Fortune Feimster?

  I think that's how it works around here.

• 17:30Mae Martin?

  No.

• 17:31Tig Notaro?

  How does it work?

• 17:33Fortune Feimster?

  Nobody votes anyone out.

• 17:35Mae Martin?

  No one votes anyone out. Yeah, that should have been in our initial.

• 17:39Tig Notaro?

  It just ends.

• 17:40Fortune Feimster?

  It just, we just disappear.

• 17:43Mae Martin?

  Or it just never ends. We're in our, we're in the grave.

• 17:47Tig Notaro?

  We all have beards.

• 17:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, long beards.

• 17:50Tig Notaro?

  Coughing up love.

• 17:59Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 18:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 18:27Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 18:49Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I used Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looked so cozy and festive. I love everything I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 19:18Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 19:35Fortune Feimster?

  I went to the Dodgers game. That was fun.

• 19:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, nice.

• 19:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love a live sporting event. Did y'all know that about me?

• 19:42Mae Martin?

  I know you love a sport. Yeah, I know you like soccer and did you have any peanuts?

• 19:47Fortune Feimster?

  I had a hot dog and I had some ice cream.

• 19:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:54Fortune Feimster?

  No peanuts, but we had great seats because we were doing some charity stuff with the catcher, Will Smith, not the actor, but the catcher. And we got to go to the stadium during the day and be on the field, which was really cool because I've been in LA for over 20 years, never been on the field. Went in the dugout. I threw pitches to Will on the, in the. Uh, where the warm up area, I can't remember what it's called. Uh, bullpen. Are you good at throwing?

• 20:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. How's your arm?

• 20:30Fortune Feimster?

  Surprisingly, I was pretty good because I could, you know, grew up playing softball when I was third base.

• 20:35Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 20:36Fortune Feimster?

  And it came, it started coming back. I was like getting it down the, down the pipe to Will.

• 20:42Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 20:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Tig Notaro?

  And so, wait, who were they playing?

• 20:46Fortune Feimster?

  They played, uh, the Marlins and, and barely won, but they won. And that's all that matters. I love watching the Dodgers. You went to the World Series game, didn't you?

• 20:56Tig Notaro?

  I did, and I accidentally captured the big moment of the World Series accidentally. Do you know this?

• 21:05Fortune Feimster?

  Not like you were taking a selfie?

• 21:07Tig Notaro?

  Was it the Freddie Freeman? The Freddie Freeman walk off grand slam, which I, I am not a sports person. I, I know it's called that. I don't know what that is, but.

• 21:18Fortune Feimster?

  Me neither.

• 21:19Tig Notaro?

  I'll tell you, Stephanie was said, you know, I feel like we should take Max and Finn to the World Series. And she said, and we should bring my dad because he's never been to a World Series. So the five of us go and I'm watching, I'm having my, you know, vegan Dodger dog and my, uh, peanuts and what have you. And I just happened to decide to videotape, um, you know, on my phone, whatever it's called. Stephanie always makes fun of me when I say videotape, but, um, this pitch to, uh, Freddie Freeman.

• 21:56Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:57Tig Notaro?

  And when Freddie hits the ball, everybody.

• 22:01Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone went insane.

• 22:03Tig Notaro?

  Went insane, including my family. And I was so confused because I had been there all day and people have been hitting balls. And I didn't know, this seemed so over the top, the, the reaction.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  Biggest moments in World Series history.

• 22:19Tig Notaro?

  Ever. Yes. And I, I caught it beautifully on my phone and I turned and filmed my family screaming. And I truly was like.

• 22:31Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, what am I capturing?

• 22:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, cuz even if they won, it felt, cuz we've been to baseball games, this didn't feel like that. And so, yeah, I caught that. And, you know, speaking of the Marlins, and if Thomas can fact check Finn, yesterday, when we picked up Max and Finn from school, Finn had a May fact. He was asking everybody, what is the one team that has never gone to a World Series?

• 23:03Fortune Feimster?

  Was it the Marlins?

• 23:04Tig Notaro?

  I believe it was the Marlins. Thomas, can you check? And if it's not right, then I'm in the wrong, and I'm saying the wrong team.

• 23:14Mae Martin?

  Right. The Seattle Mariners.

• 23:15Tig Notaro?

  Mariners, that's what it is. It was similar enough, but I knew it was an M word. So, yeah, the Mariners have never been to a World Series. And we had to guess the entire way from their school home.

• 23:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 23:28Tig Notaro?

  He would not tell us. We were like, okay, we give up.

• 23:31Fortune Feimster?

  You just keep naming cities.

• 23:32Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 23:33Mae Martin?

  That makes me want to support the Mariners. Like, we should all get behind them.

• 23:37Tig Notaro?

  Rally behind them.

• 23:38Mae Martin?

  Ted Lasso style, turn them into a winning team. Like, yeah.

• 23:42Tig Notaro?

  I think that's a good idea.

• 23:44Mae Martin?

  The Martin Mariners? Yes, please.

• 23:46Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all never played softball, either of you?

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  No, absolutely not, never.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  No. I mean, I would play baseball in the yard with my brother and our friends as kids, but I never played organized. I only played soccer.

• 24:03Mae Martin?

  Can I go back to, why did they have in the White House peanuts from Georgia and Texas? And it was like Georgia versus Texas or something?

• 24:12Fortune Feimster?

  Mine's like, I can't get this off my mind.

• 24:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm like, why?

• 24:16Tig Notaro?

  Peanuts on my mind. I think I really got the, I didn't ask, but that is a great question, little cowboy.

• 24:23Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 24:24Fortune Feimster?

  Follow up with someone.

• 24:26Tig Notaro?

  But my feeling, based on her accent in Washington DC, I felt like it's probably

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  Like something to do with where she comes from.

• 24:41Mae Martin?

  That specific woman, like it was a personal.

• 24:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, you gotta make your job fun. Like I, if I was sitting at a desk in the White House, I might be like, yeah, tried this Toronto, uh, I don't know, jerky or something.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. What would Toronto's thing be?

• 24:58Mae Martin?

  I don't know. Tim Hortons, donuts. Like, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'd go Dunkin' Donuts versus Tim Hortons and.

• 25:05Fortune Feimster?

  Wouldn't it be poutine? Wouldn't that, or is that just? Poutine? How is, how do you say it?

• 25:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, poutine. Yeah. I say poutine, but it's probably not that.

• 25:15Fortune Feimster?

  Poutine is what I always said, but.

• 25:18Mae Martin?

  In the Canadian election, I was just no, I was like, oh yeah, all of the politicians here have to be totally bilingual. And that's pretty badass.

• 25:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? Nice. Oh, yeah. Cause I gotta rep all those French Canadians.

• 25:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:32Fortune Feimster?

  Not me. I don't know a lick of French.

• 25:35Mae Martin?

  I bet that's not true.

• 25:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oui oui. Parlez-vous français? Merci beaucoup. Yeah, you know some. How do you, see, I don't even know how to say that.

• 25:47Mae Martin?

  Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

• 25:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that one.

• 25:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:51Fortune Feimster?

  It's too, it's too dirty for me to say.

• 25:53Mae Martin?

  You are the dirtiest of the three of us and don't try.

• 25:58Fortune Feimster?

  It's not true. I'm a delicate, dainty flower. Yes, you are. Thank you. Our little fortune.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  That's right. There she is.

• 26:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my gosh. Everybody introduce your baby talk. I just did mine.

• 26:13Mae Martin?

  Was that your real baby talk?

• 26:15Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. Everyone introduce your baby talk now.

• 26:20Mae Martin?

  And introducing.

• 26:22Speaker 04

  He's my baby talk.

• 26:24Mae Martin?

  Oh my gosh, is that yours?

• 26:26Speaker 04

  That's your baby talk. He's my baby talk. Oh, that's your baby talk.

• 26:31Fortune Feimster?

  No, my baby talk is to Biggie's like, hello, my Biggie baby bear. I love you so much.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  You were.

• 26:37Fortune Feimster?

  What does he do?

• 26:38Speaker 04

  You're my prince.

• 26:40Mae Martin?

  He goes.

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  He's still sleeping. A rainbow shoot out of his belly.

• 26:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  He's sleeping like a good baby bear.

• 26:48Fortune Feimster?

  May, you're next.

• 26:49Mae Martin?

  I know, I know. I've been cleaning a building and I've been dreading it. Oh God. I, I don't know. What would I?

• 26:56Fortune Feimster?

  Pretend you're looking at something really cute.

• 26:59Mae Martin?

  I'd be like, okay, what's it, what's its name? The cute thing?

• 27:03Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, it's called the cute thing.

• 27:04Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  Oh, it's a cute thing. Oh, you're so cute.

• 27:10Mae Martin?

  Something like that.

• 27:11Tig Notaro?

  And do you ever use that voice?

• 27:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, well, because my friend Alana was fostering these two pit bull puppies.

• 27:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:19Mae Martin?

  Still is. Yeah. And so I'm sure I said, I'm sure I said, there's one called Ernie that is just like lodged himself in my heart immediately.

• 27:27Tig Notaro?

  Weren't you co-parenting them?

• 27:29Mae Martin?

  I kind of promised to co-parent and then, um, and then I've been away a lot. But I think she's going to adopt one. She's adopting Ernie.

• 27:40Tig Notaro?

  Where's Bert gonna go?

• 27:41Mae Martin?

  Well, apparently you have to separate sibling pit bulls or else they become like pack mentality. And they, yeah, they don't. So I think a friend of hers has taken Bert so that they can still be brothers. But yeah, with Ernie, I was definitely going, Ernie.

• 27:57Tig Notaro?

  Well, and if you are, just side note into pit bulls, um, my friend Rebecca Corey has a really great organization called Stand Up For Pits. And she, um,

• 28:08Mae Martin?

  Aren't you attracted to Pit Bull the Rapper?

• 28:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes, Rebecca also, um,

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  has an organization, um, supporting Pit Bull the Rapper.

• 28:21Mae Martin?

  If you met Pit Bull the Rapper, would you do a baby voice to him?

• 28:24Tig Notaro?

  Hello, Pit Bull. Hello, Mr. Worldwide. His face popped up on the TV screen last night at the cancer charity because I guess he had, I guess, performed previous years. And I turned to Stephanie. I had never told her about my pit bull attraction.

• 28:41Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 28:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And, um, and I, it's like, side note, um, that is who I have a thing for.

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  That is wild. That's your whole past. That's wild.

• 28:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And she was like, interesting. So you think he's handsome? And I said, I don't even know if it's that. I just, there's something about him.

• 29:04Fortune Feimster?

  You like the charisma.

• 29:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I don't know what it is.

• 29:07Fortune Feimster?

  The confidence and the tiny pants.

• 29:13Tig Notaro?

  I love charisma in tiny pants.

• 29:16Fortune Feimster?

  I will say, when I was in that dugout with those couple of Dodger guys, I crossed my legs and turned into a pretty little lady.

• 29:24Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 29:24Tig Notaro?

  Tell us, girlfriend.

• 29:26Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, girlfriend, I don't know. Why, I just crossed my legs and just started chatting.

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  Wait, do you not typically cross your legs?

• 29:35Fortune Feimster?

  Not like that, not like in a dainty way, like in a man-

• 29:37Tig Notaro?

  Were you giggling?

• 29:38Fortune Feimster?

  Like in a man spreading way, I will sometimes, you know?

• 29:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 29:42Fortune Feimster?

  Where it's like your legs kind of like straight like this?

• 29:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like your knee is flopped down and your ankles on your knee.

• 29:49Fortune Feimster?

  Real, really crossed, like everything's in like a, like a little pretty little lady.

• 29:55Tig Notaro?

  Like unpack me now. Where you like, t- hee hee.

• 29:59Speaker 04

  I'm so small. Oh, look at me, little fortune. I'm so small, I need a big baseball guy to help me. Guess who doesn't have a boyfriend here?

• 30:10Mae Martin?

  So you were, I wonder if you were like subconsciously like flirting, like, I feel like-

• 30:17Tig Notaro?

  I don't even think it was subconscious. I think she was putting herself out there.

• 30:23Mae Martin?

  I think my instincts would be, like, subconsciously, I'd immediately start like bro-ing out. Like, I'd go the other way. I'd be like, gentlemen, I'd be like spitting and-

• 30:33Fortune Feimster?

  What's up, fellas?

• 30:35Tig Notaro?

  Grabbing your crotch.

• 30:36Fortune Feimster?

  Really intensely and far.

• 30:39Mae Martin?

  They spit intensely?

• 30:40Fortune Feimster?

  Like, yeah, and then I'm like, oh yeah, men are gross.

• 30:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what's the spitting about? Is it, do they still, or is that like old timey Babe Ruth days that they would have like tobacco in their mouth? It, is it just tradition they spit?

• 30:55Fortune Feimster?

  Some have tobacco, but a lot of times it's gum or sunflower seeds.

• 30:59Mae Martin?

  That's crazy.

• 31:01Tig Notaro?

  My son Finn, you know, they both play, but he really is, he'll pitch and Max will catch. And when Finn is on the mound, he always will turn and spit.

• 31:14Mae Martin?

  That's so good.

• 31:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's real fun to watch.

• 31:18Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 31:21Tig Notaro?

  Annie Hootles, um, should we get into our question?

• 31:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm really excited.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm beginning to agree.

• 31:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, thank you for the name. Um, I'm really excited because our-

• 31:35Tig Notaro?

  That's gross.

• 31:36Mae Martin?

  That was gross, yeah.

• 31:39Mae Martin?

  People like longtime listeners have turned off.

• 31:42Tig Notaro?

  Yes, Thomas unplugged his headphones and left town.

• 31:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, left town.

• 31:47Tig Notaro?

  Don't you want to kind of hear, Thomas, can we hear your baby voice?

• 31:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, can we?

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Hey Tig, hey man, hey Fortune.

• 31:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, that's creepy.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  I hope the three of you have a good podcast record so far.

• 32:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. That was not what I was expecting.

• 32:09Fortune Feimster?

  Me either.

• 32:10Mae Martin?

  That was kind of Michael Jackson-y.

• 32:12Fortune Feimster?

  I know. Now do their baby voices.

• 32:16Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 32:16Tig Notaro?

  Send in your baby voices.

• 32:21Fortune Feimster?

  Hello. We'll be like, why are we getting these creepy messages?

• 32:27Tig Notaro?

  Okay, let's hear. Tell us about our guest, May.

• 32:31Mae Martin?

  Our guest today, I'm very excited about because she's my sweet angelic friend who played my love interest, George, on my show Feel Good. She's a super talented actor from the UK. You know, we're from Ghosts, Fresh Meat, Dead Pixels, and she feel good. And she's now one of the leads of the Netflix series You. She was in the last season and now she's in the final season being such a badass. My friend Charlotte Ritchie is asking today's question.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Hi, May. Hi, Fortune. Hi, Tig. It's Charlotte Ritchie here. I have a question for you. If you could run, like own, run, manage, create a shop, what would it be? What would you sell? What would you make? And where would it be? You can talk about the layout. Yeah, I want to know.

• 33:26Mae Martin?

  You can talk about the layout.

• 33:29Mae Martin?

  That's a great question. Also, Charlotte is an amazing singer as well.

• 33:34Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah?

• 33:34Mae Martin?

  Fortunately, I have a blast singing a couple of hymns with Charlotte.

• 33:37Fortune Feimster?

  I would love to.

• 33:39Mae Martin?

  Her brother Luke Ritchie is a musician who does beautiful folk music. And then they sing together and you know, when siblings sing together, something magical happens.

• 33:49Fortune Feimster?

  Billy Eilish.

• 33:50Mae Martin?

  Right thing. It's like, yeah, gorgeous. There's a song called Hammerite that is, oh, break your heart.

• 33:56Fortune Feimster?

  Have you sung together with her?

• 33:58Mae Martin?

  We have, like during filming, because we filmed in the pandemic, we were like isolating together. And so we had our keyboards and guitars and we did a lot of sweet harmonies, a lot of singing.

• 34:09Fortune Feimster?

  That's great.

• 34:09Mae Martin?

  Little big town. I love that she's asking about what shop would you, what a relaxing fantasy to imagine just putting together a little shop.

• 34:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but once the shop gets up and going, I can't imagine it's relaxing.

• 34:22Mae Martin?

  High stress.

• 34:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Yeah. You need a shop that like has its like regulars. Um, and you don't have to survive off the money of the shop.

• 34:32Mae Martin?

  Cause usually the first couple of years, you're, you're in the red, right?

• 34:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's hard to make money. And so you just need a shop where you're like, I'm just doing this for fun. I don't actually want a lot of customers.

• 34:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:44Fortune Feimster?

  Just my neighborhood regulars.

• 34:49Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton and premium stretch denim. Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm going to pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 35:34Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 35:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, but it would be so, so juicy. I think, okay, the thing that came to my mind was, um, okay, so I wanted to feel a little magical when you walk in the door, like a little bell goes. At first, you don't see me. I'm, I'm like tucked in the back, like, like, maybe I'm an old man and I come out and the first thing that happens when you come, it's a puppet store, but you make your own puppet at the store. So you come in. Oh, it's like that, um, place where you make a cup and you paint it? It's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or when you, there's one where you make teddy bears as well, I think for kids, like, but so you go in and first you have to go into a room called the mirror room. And it's like a little booth where you have to stare at yourself in a mirror until

• 36:39Mae Martin?

  you see kind of your shadow self and you have inspiration for your puppet, which is gonna be an extension of your soul. Then you come to- So you've thought this out? Well, I'm just thinking about it now.

• 36:52Mae Martin?

  And then you come to me and you go, okay, I want to make a puppet. It's a, you know, it's a, it's a frog, or it's a, you know, a jester or whatever. It's like you're, it's like you're a clown almost, you know? Mm-hmm. And then, um, I give you, it's like Oliver andres wand shop. Like I give you what I think you'd need, what materials you need to make the puppet. I'm very controlling in this fantasy. I'm very, just some people I go, you're not ready. Pulling the strings, as they say, in the puppet world.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  Oh, good fortune.

• 37:21Mae Martin?

  Pulling the strings.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  That's my little fortune, you see, my little fortune.

• 37:25Mae Martin?

  Raise the roof with those guns. Yeah, but some people I would turn away if they're not ready. Um, and then you- How do you know if they're ready, not ready? It's, well, you describe the puppet you want to make to me. And if I think you're not really looking inward deeply enough. Oh, wow. You know, if you go, I don't know, I want to make a dog called, you know, Doofus or something. I go, mm, tell me more. And then- You need a more depth. More depth, yeah. And then you make your puppet. And, and I'd put a little puppet theater in the back of the shop where I could host puppet shows and- Yeah. So you're not planning to make money either? Well, if, if each puppet costs a thousand dollars. I don't like their idea.

• 38:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true. I shouldn't be turning people away, not in the first years when you're in the red.

• 38:17Fortune Feimster?

  Did you know that Color Me Mine started as a, um, a real ceramic artist?

• 38:25Tig Notaro?

  It started as a puppet shop.

• 38:27Fortune Feimster?

  You, you know, Color Me Mine is like ceramics?

• 38:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:31Tig Notaro?

  That's the mug place.

• 38:32Fortune Feimster?

  Like it started where they were. A real artist was like, who has amazing pieces. It's like, I gotta make some money. I need,

• 38:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Fortune Feimster?

  I need ladies over forty drinking and making some mugs.

• 38:44Tig Notaro?

  What a funny name, Color Me Mine.

• 38:46Mae Martin?

  Color Me Mine. Yeah. What is that? Color Me Mine. Color Me Mine? Does that mean like, I want to paint mine?

• 38:53Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 38:55Fortune Feimster?

  I think it just was like, they were like, this sounds good.

• 38:58Tig Notaro?

  They were ladies in their forties drunk, drinking out of coffee mugs.

• 39:03Fortune Feimster?

  What are we gonna call this?

• 39:04Speaker 04

  How about Color Me Mine?

• 39:07Fortune Feimster?

  Janice, what do you like?

• 39:10Speaker 04

  Color Me Mine. Oh.

• 39:14Mae Martin?

  Would you guys want to come into my puppet shop or not?

• 39:16Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. Yeah.

• 39:17Fortune Feimster?

  Does your dad work there?

• 39:19Tig Notaro?

  Five star Yelp review.

• 39:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, my dad and his puppets. I mean, cause I'm staying with them now. He's, he's making, I, I got to see his workshop and he made me a puppet for my birthday.

• 39:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 39:29Mae Martin?

  It's, um, it's a dog who's doing a painting. It's an artist dog, but then you take its little hat off and, and it turns out the ears were fake. And underneath the fake ears, it's a bear.

• 39:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wow.

• 39:42Mae Martin?

  I know. He's fucking with me, my dad.

• 39:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, the bear portal.

• 39:46Fortune Feimster?

  Birthday?

• 39:47Mae Martin?

  May second.

• 39:47Tig Notaro?

  Second. I knew that.

• 39:49Mae Martin?

  Did you know that tick before I said? Wow.

• 39:51Tig Notaro?

  How'd you know that? July first.

• 39:54Mae Martin?

  Wow. Neither of us are saying yours.

• 39:58Tig Notaro?

  That's all right. This was just past.

• 40:02Mae Martin?

  Was it March?

• 40:03Tig Notaro?

  It was March.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  Fourteenth?

• 40:05Tig Notaro?

  And I texted you.

• 40:07Mae Martin?

  I think I also texted you.

• 40:09Tig Notaro?

  You texted me, when is your birthday? No, I didn't.

• 40:15Tig Notaro?

  No, I got everyone's phone calls and texts and gifts and I appreciated every single one of them. Thank you.

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  Tig, what would your store be?

• 40:24Tig Notaro?

  You know, I feel like it's just so obvious that it's annoying and that's fine, but um. Yeah. A vegan, a vegan food shop? Yes, yes, yes. With the dyke dust on the shelves?

• 40:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:40Tig Notaro?

  Dyke dust on every shelf. You know, I love those little grocery stores that also make coffee and they sell organic produce and little, just little treats you can't find in the regular grocery store. I like those kinds of shops and I'd love it to be fully vegan.

• 41:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like a little country store, like you might have fresh cherry pies, the vegan.

• 41:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes, of course. And um, yeah, that's a vegan country store.

• 41:12Mae Martin?

  And are you the only employee or are you hiring staff?

• 41:15Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, it's just me, I'm in an apron, I'm like, just, I'm unpacking all the produce in the mornings and putting them on the shelves and making the, I used to work in a coffee shop. I'm a pretty good barista.

• 41:27Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 41:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, and um.

• 41:30Mae Martin?

  But it's only decaf that you're serving.

• 41:32Tig Notaro?

  It's only decaf, that's right.

• 41:34Mae Martin?

  Polishing every zucchini.

• 41:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah. I'm, you know, I like zucchinis, I don't love them.

• 41:41Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 41:42Tig Notaro?

  I don't love them.

• 41:43Mae Martin?

  I like them roast, cut really thin, roasted with olive oil and some salt.

• 41:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I like going to Japanese steakhouse.

• 41:50Mae Martin?

  Wait, you're opening a Japanese steakhouse?

• 41:53Tig Notaro?

  No, no, I like zucchini when they serve them at a Japanese steakhouse.

• 41:57Mae Martin?

  I was like, well, that's such a flex after the vegan food store that you're gonna open a steak at Japanese.

• 42:02Tig Notaro?

  Especially Japanese.

• 42:05Mae Martin?

  Wagyu beef.

• 42:07Tig Notaro?

  I don't know about Tig, but I'm going meat.

• 42:13Tig Notaro?

  I also would like to have local art on the walls and a little stage for poetry and open mic, you know, music and that kind of thing. That's my dream. So if anyone wants to invest in me, here I am. As I said about lobbying, I'd be a good, good person to invest in.

• 42:33Mae Martin?

  I'm kind of imagining like this little old lady who she doesn't have a lot of friends and she's kind of awkward and she comes into your store every day just for a chat and you know she's not going to buy anything, but you kind of indulge.

• 42:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, morning Amber, you know.

• 42:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, got anything new? Yeah. Is Amber an old lady name?

• 42:51Mae Martin?

  No, it was kind of a sexy name. I don't know.

• 42:55Mae Martin?

  I was gonna say Justine and then Fortune already did a Justine in this episode, so.

• 43:01Fortune Feimster?

  It was like a, like a Cecilia or something.

• 43:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like a.

• 43:05Tig Notaro?

  What about Myrtle?

• 43:06Mae Martin?

  Myrtle.

• 43:07Tig Notaro?

  Why don't we just go for it?

• 43:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:09Tig Notaro?

  Myrtle. Yeah.

• 43:10Mae Martin?

  Amber's like, maybe she used to be a Vegas dancer and now she's.

• 43:16Tig Notaro?

  What's up Amber? Well, if it isn't grandmother Amber.

• 43:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh God.

• 43:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Fortune, what would yours shop?

• 43:25Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I kept going back and forth, like, I love this place in Nashville called Biscuit Love. And they have fun shirts and I just love, you know, biscuits. And so at first I was like, do I want a biscuit shop? And then I was like, I don't know if I want to go just double down on biscuits.

• 43:49Mae Martin?

  And have it become your whole personality.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Like there's, there's the biscuit gal. Um, I always thought it'd be fun to have.

• 43:58Tig Notaro?

  Except if you're in the dugout, you're not the biscuit gal.

• 44:03Fortune Feimster?

  I like one of those places that in the morning till like three or something, it's a cool coffee shop. And then at like four, it turns into like a cool like cocktail wine bar.

• 44:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yes. Cause I like a, I love a coffee, coffee situation. I'm a big espresso gal.

• 44:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:26Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and I like a place that's just like light and airy and like clean and you know, this not like, it's, it's not like super modern, but not like cluttery, like an old cottage. Um, and then at night I like a nice, like old fashioned or some kind of mixologist, like um, cool ingredient kind of cocktail situation.

• 44:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Sprinkle a bit of diced.

• 44:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's not really food, we don't really have food food, like a kitchen, but we have like some good muffins in the morning that are delish. Um, we probably get someone else to make them, cause who wants to deal with that? We can make them over here at my country mart. There you go, country mart. I can, when I say we, it's me. You and Amber.

• 45:14Fortune Feimster?

  Amber will close still. And then at night it's just like little, like, I like how in Europe they do, you know, the little aperitivos with the olives or chips or snack mixes, things like that.

• 45:29Mae Martin?

  Are you in need of a puppet waiter?

• 45:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah bud, come on. You can hang your puppets on the walls. Space and a little outdoor area.

• 45:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 45:40Fortune Feimster?

  When the sun's out and it's nice or at night, there's like candles. Are you gonna have a rooftop? You gotta have a rooftop. Rooftop would be good for those cocktails at night. Biscuits in the morning on the roof. Maybe have some desserts at night too. Mm hmm. Mm, that's, yeah, that sounds lovely. Who's gonna make the most money?

• 46:00Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna, this is gonna shock you guys, I'm gonna say me because.

• 46:04Fortune Feimster?

  You are shocking us for sure. Yes. Cause you're wrong.

• 46:08Mae Martin?

  Well, all I need is.

• 46:11Fortune Feimster?

  Ain't no way, but please tell us.

• 46:14Tig Notaro?

  Good luck selling one puppet.

• 46:17Mae Martin?

  What are my overheads? I just have the mirror for the mirror room.

• 46:20Fortune Feimster?

  True.

• 46:21Mae Martin?

  I have some arts and crafts supplies.

• 46:22Fortune Feimster?

  True.

• 46:23Mae Martin?

  And then I'm charging like 10 grand a puppet and I only sell one per month.

• 46:27Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, well, that's a lot of puppet.

• 46:28Tig Notaro?

  Wait, one?

• 46:30Fortune Feimster?

  And why 10 grand?

• 46:31Mae Martin?

  No, okay, five grand.

• 46:33Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, five's a little bit more reasonable.

• 46:36Tig Notaro?

  No, five is still pretty pricey. But it's something you don't want.

• 46:40Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, ooh, tap off, but boy, is that expensive.

• 46:44Mae Martin?

  But it's like a, it's a six hour experience. So it's like, um, it's almost like.

• 46:48Fortune Feimster?

  What about like a thousand dollar a puppet?

• 46:50Mae Martin?

  Okay. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

• 46:52Tig Notaro?

  How about 30?

• 46:53Mae Martin?

  No, because it's, I give you my full attention.

• 46:56Fortune Feimster?

  They also get to meet May and there are fans of May who will pay that.

• 46:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's true.

• 47:00Fortune Feimster?

  To hang out for six hours.

• 47:01Mae Martin?

  It's just me and my full attention and, uh.

• 47:04Fortune Feimster?

  And you, and you look deep into their soul and tell them nice things.

• 47:09Mae Martin?

  Well, and it's therapeutic what's happening to them. It's like mask work, like they're.

• 47:13Fortune Feimster?

  Make out with them at the end?

• 47:15Mae Martin?

  Listen.

• 47:17Tig Notaro?

  Wait, with the people or the puppets?

• 47:19Mae Martin?

  With the puppets. I make out with their puppets at the end. Oh, my God.

• 47:22Fortune Feimster?

  That's why we're paying a thousand a pop here.

• 47:25Tig Notaro?

  You said look deep into their soul and tell them nice things. What about looking deep into their soul and tell them really terrible things?

• 47:32Mae Martin?

  I think some people will be into that.

• 47:33Fortune Feimster?

  Some people are into that. Yeah.

• 47:34Mae Martin?

  What if my puppet makes out with their puppet?

• 47:37Tig Notaro?

  We'll be right back after this commercial.

• 47:43Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if any of us are raking in the dough here.

• 47:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Tig Notaro?

  I'm selling zucchini, guys.

• 47:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're definitely not raking in the dough.

• 47:52Mae Martin?

  You're not, you're.

• 47:53Tig Notaro?

  It's organic.

• 47:54Fortune Feimster?

  Mine has a chance, but I'm going to have to really promote it on my, my social media.

• 48:00Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna have to sell a lot of biscuits to pay off the building you just described.

• 48:04Fortune Feimster?

  Well, no, the biscuits aren't happening anymore. It's just muffins, but.

• 48:09Mae Martin?

  What you're outsourcing?

• 48:10Fortune Feimster?

  It won't be a huge space. I don't want to go, you don't want to go too big.

• 48:14Mae Martin?

  I have an idea. Make, you can also get a membership. So you got your regular customers and tips and stuff. But then you get some people who get a membership. I don't know what.

• 48:23Fortune Feimster?

  What do they get with that? Is this for your business?

• 48:27Mae Martin?

  No, for you.

• 48:28Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for mine.

• 48:29Mae Martin?

  Maybe they get to touch Biggie or something?

• 48:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Biggie Baby Bear.

• 48:37Fortune Feimster?

  Well, they have to really like dogs.

• 48:39Tig Notaro?

  Come on in and touch Biggie.

• 48:43Mae Martin?

  $300 a month.

• 48:44Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, well, how, why am I a part of this?

• 48:46Tig Notaro?

  And also, just assuming everyone knows who Biggie is. Come on in, step right up and touch Biggie.

• 48:55Fortune Feimster?

  The only people that come to this coffee slash bar are my fans.

• 49:00Tig Notaro?

  Now, what is the name of your business?

• 49:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, good question.

• 49:04Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 49:05Fortune Feimster?

  Um, gosh.

• 49:07Tig Notaro?

  Mine is Biggie's Country Mart.

• 49:10Mae Martin?

  So Biggie's involved in yours too?

• 49:12Fortune Feimster?

  He's in a lot of businesses. He's an entrepreneur.

• 49:15Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. You can tell just looking at him.

• 49:18Fortune Feimster?

  He's asleep right now. He doesn't know he's about to be called upon.

• 49:24Mae Martin?

  Mine is Dante's Inferno. Something like that.

• 49:30Tig Notaro?

  Of course it is. Of course it is.

• 49:32Mae Martin?

  Cause you're looking deep into the seven levels of hell of your soul. And you're encountering, yeah, all, all the, the things that you repress.

• 49:42Fortune Feimster?

  Mine's something like.

• 49:44Mae Martin?

  Don't maze inferno. Sorry.

• 49:45Fortune Feimster?

  What is it? Don't maze?

• 49:47Mae Martin?

  Don't maze.

• 49:49Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. Well, we're still workshopping.

• 49:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we're workshopping.

• 49:52Tig Notaro?

  What about Fortune? What if yours is no biscuits here?

• 49:55Fortune Feimster?

  That's a good one. Still workshopping. I like something ambiguous, like the library, you know?

• 50:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 50:02Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, that's always a good title, something like that, the library, because if somebody's cheating.

• 50:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, on their credit card statement, it says.

• 50:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I was at the library all day.

• 50:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:17Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 50:18Mae Martin?

  The dentist.

• 50:19Tig Notaro?

  The dentist.

• 50:25Fortune Feimster?

  We have at least one drink that, um, has smoke in it.

• 50:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, for sure.

• 50:29Fortune Feimster?

  You need something that people want to Instagram, you know?

• 50:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right. Well, if Biggie's there, that's your Instagram.

• 50:35Fortune Feimster?

  But he's part of it, but yeah.

• 50:37Tig Notaro?

  Touch Biggie.

• 50:38Fortune Feimster?

  We need one or two cocktails that are showstoppers.

• 50:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:44Mae Martin?

  Well, should we hear what Charlotte has to say?

• 50:46Fortune Feimster?

  I think for sure.

• 50:47Tig Notaro?

  Love. I hope she sings it in form of a hymn.

• 50:50Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  My shop would be a secondhand electronics shop where I fix like the wires in hi fives and Walkmans. Um, and it would be in Camden Town in London, just as an example. Thank you. Bye.

• 51:04Tig Notaro?

  Interesting.

• 51:05Mae Martin?

  Secondhand electronics.

• 51:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Mae Martin?

  Where you fix the wires.

• 51:10Fortune Feimster?

  Definitely making the least money.

• 51:13Mae Martin?

  I don't know. That's really functional. It's I'm really surprised. It's such a specialized skill like.

• 51:18Fortune Feimster?

  A secondhand electronic shop, right?

• 51:22Mae Martin?

  Can we listen to that again, Thomas?

• 51:24Fortune Feimster?

  I think she referenced a Walkman even.

• 51:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:28Fortune Feimster?

  I kind of, I'm not gonna lie to y'all. I kind of missed what she said.

• 51:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we're gonna listen again.

• 51:33Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if it was the accent.

• 51:34Mae Martin?

  Was it the accent or you're just?

• 51:35Tig Notaro?

  Did you just say, I'm not gonna lie?

• 51:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you didn't say, truth be told. You said, I'm not gonna lie.

• 51:40Tig Notaro?

  Okay, okay.

• 51:41Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone drink. That's adjacent.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  My shop would be a secondhand electronics shop where I fix like the wires in hi fives and Walkmans. Um, and it would be in Camden Town in London.

• 51:54Tig Notaro?

  Hi fives? Hi fives?

• 51:56Speaker 00

  Thank you. Bye.

• 51:56Mae Martin?

  I love, you guys, I feel like are boggled by the accent and like.

• 52:02Fortune Feimster?

  In Camden. Where's Camden Town?

• 52:05Mae Martin?

  Fix the wires in hi fives and Walk Walkman. It feels like there's. What is a hi, what is hi fi? I don't know, but it feels like this is.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  High fidelity stereo.

• 52:15Mae Martin?

  High fidelity stereo. Okay.

• 52:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, we all knew that. We knew that.

• 52:19Mae Martin?

  There's like nostalgia involved in her choice. Like it's, it's like she's keeping the relics alive.

• 52:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. That's what my doctor does with me.

• 52:27Mae Martin?

  Keeps you.

• 52:30Tig Notaro?

  You know, it kind of reminds me of, I have, and maybe I could combine this with Biggie's Country Store. But, um, whenever I see furniture on the side of the road, I always want to take that and sand it and paint it. And I don't have any talent around that kind of work. But Stephanie is, she is not into picking up furniture on the side of the road.

• 52:58Fortune Feimster?

  That makes sense because it can have like bugs or stuff in it.

• 53:02Mae Martin?

  Um, because you're usually the germy one, like you don't, you don't like germs.

• 53:05Tig Notaro?

  I'm not picking up furniture that has feces and bugs all over it.

• 53:09Fortune Feimster?

  You don't know what if it had, um, what are those things called?

• 53:12Tig Notaro?

  Wow, I didn't mean to bring the mood down.

• 53:15Fortune Feimster?

  No, um, bed bugs. It can have bed bugs.

• 53:17Tig Notaro?

  I'm just trying to share my dreams with you and all of a sudden I'm crazy and filthy.

• 53:25Fortune Feimster?

  You and Crazy Amber are out there picking up furniture.

• 53:29Tig Notaro?

  Amber, we're closed.

• 53:32Mae Martin?

  You have a carpentry shop called Filthy McNasties.

• 53:34Tig Notaro?

  Well, wait, that's your dream is to pick up old furniture and restore it? What?

• 53:38Mae Martin?

  I get that.

• 53:39Tig Notaro?

  Some of us have bigger dreams than others, but yeah, I love when I see an old table or chair or something. I like, I'm like, God, that is garbage, but I'd like to pick it up and paint it something. That could be a business too. Secondhand that. Well, I was thinking I could redo that and use it for like the table and chairs at Biggie's Country Store and people could sit in those and I can also put them up for sale. And also sell them, yeah. Yeah, you can buy my garbage. Now we're starting to get a more of a marketing profitability plan here.

• 54:17Mae Martin?

  I like how practically you're like that you're thinking about profit margins.

• 54:20Tig Notaro?

  No, you gotta make money. You can't just have a passion.

• 54:24Mae Martin?

  I like that. The image of Charlotte though, like that's very in keeping with her personality. I think the like, the calm of just, just quietly repairing some, some wires. And yeah, the kind of analog nature, like she's not, she's not on her phone a lot, like she doesn't have social media. Like I can, I imagine maybe she'd be listening to classical music or like.

• 54:44Tig Notaro?

  On her Walkman, her newly repaired Walkman from 1981. She lives in London, right?

• 54:51Mae Martin?

  She lives in London, not in Camden Town.

• 54:53Tig Notaro?

  What is Camden Town though? Did we?

• 54:55Mae Martin?

  Camden Town is like a part of London where I would say, when you go there, it's like every trend that's ever existed. So like punk, goth, like ravers, it all still exists in Camden Town. It's like, it's just a weird little melting pot of like, I think it's where Amy Winehouse would perform and it's kind of grungy and there's like.

• 55:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 55:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:18Tig Notaro?

  Sounds like there might be some furniture on the side of the road that I could. It's a place where a Walkman still exists, so.

• 55:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:27Tig Notaro?

  At least one. Well, listen, I'm not gonna yuck her yum. No yuck in this yummy episode. That was a a joy to do this episode, I'll be honest. A joy and an honor, my friends.

• 55:40Mae Martin?

  I'm honored.

• 55:41Tig Notaro?

  Me too. And I'm gonna go to each one of y'all's stores.

• 55:46Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm going to leave them five star reviews on Yelp at least once a month.

• 55:51Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna cut out, I'm gonna clip the section of Thomas's baby voice and I'm gonna use it as my ringtone. So every time my phone rings.

• 56:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna use, I'm gonna use it as my alarm on my house. If somebody breaks in, then they're gonna have to hear that.

• 56:08Speaker 04

  Please don't break into my house.

• 56:14Mae Martin?

  That would be scary.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  Leave us alone. We don't want no trouble. We don't want no trouble.

• 56:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you guys.

• 56:24Mae Martin?

  What a podcast.

• 56:26Fortune Feimster?

  Should we give a finger kiss to each other?

• 56:32Tig Notaro?

  Anyone have anything coming up?

• 56:35Mae Martin?

  I am on tour doing, I got three music shows in June.

• 56:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, awesome.

• 56:40Mae Martin?

  10th, 12th, and 13th on the West Coast. So check out maymartinmusic.com. I'm in San Francisco and Portland and Vancouver in June. Yeah.

• 56:51Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 56:52Fortune Feimster?

  May 16th, I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, then Minneapolis, then coming after that, St. Louis, Kansas City, Mulving, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee, Asheville, North Carolina, and lots and lots more dates coming in the fall.

• 57:10Tig Notaro?

  On May 17th, I will be at the Ojai Playwrights Conference fundraiser with Emily Salyers from the Indigo Girls and Jonathan Brooks and several other people. It's gonna be a great show for a good cause. Get your tickets online. I'll also be at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City, June 7th with the film that I produced, the documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light. So if you're in New York, come check that out. And then I'll be in P-Town, August 23rd, doing two shows. And then I'm always working out new material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Go to tignotaro.com for all information and

• 57:56Tig Notaro?

  Please, if you enjoy our show, share your favorite episode with a friend and help us build the handsome community. It's a, it's a really good group of people, I gotta say. Oh, sure is. Yeah. What do you say? Until next time? Well, I think we should tell people too. Keep it handsome. We should have done that in a baby voice. Oh yeah. Should we? Can we? Until next time. Keep it handsome.

• 58:35Tig Notaro?

  Ew. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  What a podcast.

• 58:58Mae Martin?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 59:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 59:29Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 59:31Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 59:54Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia

• 1:00:06Speaker 06

  Rodrigo.

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad, we talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:00:18Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.