Comedian Ryan Long Tells The Best Joke Ever | Unsubscribe Podcast 251

Stand up comedian Ryan Long joins us this week to talk all about the comedy scene! Watch this episode ad-free and uncensored on Pepperbox! https://www.pepperbox.tv/ WATCH THE AFTERSHOW & BTS ON PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast 👕 Merch & Shoes https://bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast 🔋 Energy Drinks https://drinkechelon.com P. O BOX: Unsubscribe Podcast 17503 La Cantera Pkwy Ste 104 Box 624 San Antonio TX 78257 ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! THE PERFECT JEAN Get 15% off The Perfect Jean with code UNSUB15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/UNSUB15 GHOSTBED Get an extra 10% off already reduced prices at GhostBed with code UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout—visit https://ghostbed.com/unsubscribe to get started. SHOPIFY Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/unsubpod TURTLE BEACH Level up your game and get 10% off @TurtleBeach with code UNSUB at https://turtlebeach.com/unsub ! #turtlebeachpod ------------------------------ FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS! Unsubscribe Podcast https://www.instagram.com/unsubscribepodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@unsubscribepodcast https://x.com/unsubscribecast Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://x.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap Brandon Herrera https://www.youtube.com/@BrandonHerrera https://x.com/TheAKGuy https://www.instagram.com/realbrandonherrera Donut Operator https://www.youtube.com/@DonutOperator https://x.com/DonutOperator https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator The Fat Electrician https://www.youtube.com/@the_fat_electrician https://thefatelectrician.com/ https://www.instagram.com/the_fat_electrician https://www.tiktok.com/@the_fat_electrician ------------------------------ unsubscribe pod podcast episode ep unsub funny comedy military army comedian texas podcasts #podcast #comedy #funnypodcast Chapters 0:00 Welcome To Unsub! 5:54 Ryan’s Stand Up Comedy Career 29:10 Live Podcasting Vs Stand Up 43:58 Writing & Testing Material For Comedy 1:00:30 Social Media Algorithms 1:11:03 How The Comedy Scene Has Changed 1:23:25 Canadians In World War 1 1:30:33 Military Stories 1:36:00 Crime In Canada & New York 1:46:55 Our Favorite Comedians 1:48:25 The Comedy Scene & Inspirations 1:56:41 Influencer Life Vs Hollywood Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:57Speaker 01

  Oh, this feels like actually what the Texas I read about. Was it the Mexicans? How did you? Click.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  All right, well, I guess I'm doing tomorrow's show. Oh, I'm very good at being racist.

• 1:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know if she'd be blind dating without skin. Bare minimum.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  Things I want my partner to bring to the table.

• 1:12Speaker 03

  Skin. Pretty reasonable expectation.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Bare minimum.

• 1:18Speaker 04

  Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous and random. His hair is fucking fabulous and donut. A dark oak disposition and there's a fat electrician. Welcome to Unsubscribe.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  Fuck yeah. All right, well, we get to kick it off.

• 1:39Speaker 05

  I know. Oh, grab your drinks on the count of three.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  So we crack these on the countdown from three.

• 1:47Speaker 05

  One, two, three.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast. I'm joined, as always, by Eli Double Tap, world famous comedian, Mr. Ryan Long, soon to be Congressman Brandon Herrera, and myself, Bassman. Fish Guy. Fish Guy.

• 2:06Speaker 05

  Fishman, it's great to have you today.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Fish Boy. Thanks for coming down, dude.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Do we bring the guns out now, or how does this happen?

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Whenever you like. Welcome to Texas.

• 2:15Speaker 06

  We need way more drinks.

• 2:18Speaker 05

  You think people at the table don't have guns? Crazy.

• 2:22Speaker 06

  We sit with those.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  You know, it's funny, this, I feel like obviously in the internet, you're in sort of different worlds. People are where you guys are that side of the internet that to me is funny where you just kind of like, I'll see a video of yours and be like, who's this guy? And just some random guy that's got like eight million views on every video. You know what I mean? Just like, like, who are these? Like, what is this? It's like, you look at the podcast chart, it'd be like Rogan, some guy named Dave. And you know what I mean?

• 2:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, right, right.

• 2:47Speaker 06

  That is weird.

• 2:48Speaker 05

  Different spheres of influence.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, but yeah, there's people that before, if there was like some enormous TV show, you'd be like, everyone would know that. Where there's just you on the internet being like enormous and you're just like, who are, what's going on over here?

• 3:00Speaker 05

  Meanwhile, you just show up all the time, like my Instagram reels and shit like that. I'm just like, racist joke. That's funny.

• 3:10Speaker 05

  And we're like two minutes in. All right.

• 3:12Speaker 06

  Begins, dude, it's, it's weird seeing, as you're saying, those big names that you have no, you do not recognize. It's like Cousin Bill is number three on charting on all of Spotify. And you're like, who?

• 3:25Speaker 01

  It's cool. Yeah.

• 3:27Speaker 06

  Cycle through, what the fuck? I've never heard of that individual.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Dude, I follow Nate the Hoof Guy on Facebook and like I'll watch this guy. He just, all he does is clean hooves. This guy's probably a billionaire by now.

• 3:37Speaker 06

  Oh, I know who you're talking about.

• 3:39Speaker 05

  Like, like, he's a farrier. Yeah. Oh, no shit.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  He just cleans the horse's hooves, but he's got every video 10 gazillion views. He's probably, you know, bigger than 90% of Netflix shows, just cleaning horse hooves. He doesn't even have to clean them anymore. He does it for the love of the game.

• 3:54Speaker 05

  You know, you know, the people that go to like film school, that's gotta piss them off.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 05

  Like I was gonna be the next Scorsese and here comes hoof guy.

• 4:03Speaker 06

  Well, we gotta spray some iodine so make sure it heals nice little bit. And that's it. It's every episode is just talking what is wrong with that hoof on that cow. And then.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, and other people are doing so much stuff, having extras in their videos and everything. And this guy's just like, here we go, another billion dollars.

• 4:22Speaker 06

  Beast Games are hoof guy. You're getting equal viewership and you're like, motherfucker.

• 4:27Speaker 05

  It's the, what is that? The law of diminishing returns, I think. It's like, oh, you could just clean hooves.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  That's crazy. Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 06

  You can mow yards. JB, the lawnmower guy's one of my favorite. He just mows yards for an hour.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Your cousin? Oh.

• 4:42Speaker 06

  No, he's a white guy. It's weird.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  He hires my cousin.

• 4:47Speaker 06

  But he gets fucking ten to thirty million views per upload of just mowing a yard. He does it for free now, for love of the game.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Yes, it's kind of you box yourself in because you're just like, you have your job that you didn't want to do. And you start, there's a, we were talking about, there's a Subway guy, he just films himself at Subway sandwiches. And he's like, well, now he's rich, so he doesn't have to work at Subway. But if he, that's his business is filming himself at Subway.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Fuck, really painted myself into a corner here. Subway knows they got him too. That salary.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  He's seven twenty-five an hour.

• 5:20Speaker 05

  He's the first guy that if he loses his job at Subway, he loses half a million dollars.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Jared Vogel, I think. The second guy.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  There's the guy who records himself making sandwiches and the guy who fucks children.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Sorry, editor, we're at what, two minutes?

• 5:41Speaker 05

  I'd rather be the sandwich guy.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  I hope. Yeah, plumber influencer, that's another one. There's a few other plumbers that's just like, I don't, I don't want to be cleaning toilets anymore, but here we are.

• 5:52Speaker 06

  I mean, Fat Electrician started, Nick started as an electrician and he was just doing little history beats in between until that one.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  I mean, he still has his electrician's license. Like, he still does that from time to time, which is kind of cool.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:06Speaker 06

  It was just his boss when the boss was like, hey, you're gonna have to make a choice. Uh, you have to either focus on, on the internet stuff more or the electrician. And Nick was like, all right, so I would choose if I were you, the one that makes more money. He was like, I, so I can see you at Monday? Oh no, I'm going to the internet.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Sorry, I gotta, I gotta clock in for the internet.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, that is the internet and jobs, Ryan. How'd you get into comedy?

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, your boss is like telling you, he's like, hey, you're late for your shift. You're there with like a gold chain, a Lamborghini, like, oh, am I? I can buy you.

• 6:41Speaker 06

  You're late to life.

• 6:43Speaker 05

  You, you pull the Bruce Wayne where you buy the hotel.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, what got you into comedy, because as Mr. Connor was saying?

• 6:51Speaker 01

  I'll tell you, also comedy used to be a job a little bit that everyone would kind of do to then get out of it. Like every stand up used to be like, then you go and be a movie star and you don't have to do that anymore. But now it kind of feels like it's its own thing where people do want to do that.

• 7:05Speaker 06

  Hmm. Did you get that weird spot also now with, I think Matt Rife set the stone, the standard of that crowd interaction? Because I know a lot of people.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a huge part of it, yeah.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  Matt Rife, famously the first guy to do crowd work.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  I know, but filming it to that level, that's, that took.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  He might be the first guy to be doing arenas and doing crowd work.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  The entire time, literally.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  You there, 487 C! Alright, I know I was just fucking with you, but like, the, his entire show is crowd work?

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Yes, now.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  To be honest, I don't know exactly, but I've seen people do do that. I remember even like Russell Peters was doing big theaters and he does a lot of crowd work. And I remember they have like three camera guys and they film the guy that they're talking to and put him on the screen and, you know, it becomes a whole art form.

• 7:49Speaker 05

  You got an Olympic sprinter as your camera guy, just getting all the way across?

• 7:53Speaker 03

  I'm so tired.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Hey, yeah, yeah. But no, I started in Toronto, in the Toronto scene.

• 8:00Speaker 06

  I fucking picked up on that Canadian accent.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  You can tell, eh?

• 8:04Speaker 06

  You also mentioned hockey earlier. No one was like, oh, nobody, nobody cares about hockey except Canadians.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Some puck, Texas guys go. We're in real Texas here too, right? This I've never, when I'm in San Antonio, this is the first time that I felt like, I was like, oh, this feels like actually what the Texas I read about.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  It was the Mexicans?

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, what's it you up?

• 8:23Speaker 03

  I think it was the fireworks stores, to be honest. Those Mexicans. When I see like five fireworks stores in a row, I'm like, now we're talking, alright. I hate that. I was driving to the podcast, there's like fireworks store, fireworks.

• 8:37Speaker 05

  Pretty much everywhere on any highway around San Antonio, you've got fireworks stores that are like, they only open like fucking three weeks a year or two. Like before 4th of July.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Are they money laundering operations, you think?

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Most likely.

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. It's like, uh, what's the Halloween?

• 8:52Speaker 05

  Spirit. Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 05

  So Toronto, when's about?

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, Toronto. That's where I started doing comedy. Was there for like 10 years, moved to New York, which is probably the opposite of Texas right now.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  You guys think that the-

• 9:08Speaker 05

  Cold and shitty.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is kind of, uh, if you think about it a little bit.

• 9:12Speaker 05

  Sorry, Rich.

• 9:15Speaker 06

  That's our buddy. He lives-

• 9:15Speaker 05

  Now we got a friend who lives there.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Do you guys, do you guys hate New York or do you like New York?

• 9:19Speaker 06

  I would never live there.

• 9:20Speaker 05

  I've never been to New York City.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  I mean, living there is insane. It's $10,000 to live in a rat hole.

• 9:27Speaker 06

  See, that is, I'm good. No, uh-

• 9:30Speaker 05

  I, I, I just, the, going to a place where all of the streets smell like piss all the time.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 05

  I know why Spider-Man's superpower was not having to touch the sidewalk now.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 05

  Just gross.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  You don't have a choice too. Like, I remember when I first moved there, you're just like, everything's farted. You're walking around everywhere and you can't use a bathroom. So you're just like, yeah, yeah. People are just during the day pissing everywhere.

• 9:52Speaker 05

  Oh, legit?

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:54Speaker 05

  Oh, well, it makes sense. It smells like it.

• 9:57Speaker 06

  I could, mm-mm. No, like, even that move, we've visited multiple times and I, the second I land or I have to deal with anything in a big city, I'm like, mom, I'm golden.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:09Speaker 06

  It's quiet all day long. And then $10,000 for a rat hole.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:14Speaker 06

  Good to go.

• 10:14Speaker 05

  But the comedy scene's big there?

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Comedy, the comedy scene, so people would say that New York's kind of like, it's right now, it's New York, LA, Austin's kind of like the third contender is like the part of the comedy scene. Like, it used to be you had to move to New York or LA. And probably a lot of things were like this for finance. You had to be in New York. And it feels like that's decentralizing, you know, a little bit where a lot of people, you can move, you can make it work in New, Austin. And then also there's kind of a theory that a lot of people talk about where kind of like new scenes and energy happen in places where people have low rent. So if everything gets-

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Like, if you think of, uh- Like, I mean, even in music, it happens where people's parents can afford a garage. So a band can actually have drums, you know? So in a city like New York, you know, if you go there and you're 20 years old, like, it's pretty hard to make it work. So if you go to somewhere where you can kind of live with a bunch of people and it's super cheap, you can spend all your time on, you know, doing whatever art you're up to for the next six years while no one's paying attention.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  It's kind of like wherever you could have like a little incubator house. Yeah. A bunch of like artists living together.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Incubator is the perfect word because it's kind of like you almost need to have like low stakes, making mistakes with no one paying attention to make good things like.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Right.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  These scenes kind of always like pop up in different places, but all the good, all the best comedians in comedy clubs technically are in New York. So that's kind of like the Silicon Valley of comedy, I'd say.

• 11:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I knew that, you know, there's different like comedy clubs and stuff like that, that are like very famous in like LA. But I didn't know it was that big in New York. That's just me not being in the industry, I guess, but.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  It's kind of like same as Broadway, like live perform, the live performance part of it took him. People used to say, they go, go to New York to get good and then go to LA to get famous.

• 11:54Speaker 05

  Right.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  You know, all of the things are changing because everyone, you know, there's some Atlanta, there's just a bunch of guys doing the, you know, their thing in Atlanta and a bunch of guys in Chicago. And now it's like, you're like, well, I don't have to be there if I'm like a touring act. And people are kind of skipping steps where it used to be, okay, you go to New York, then you go to LA or, you know, some version of that. And then you get really good in LA and then you're on some TV shows and then you're kind of touring to your audience. And you're like, oh, maybe I don't have to live here anymore, where it's now people are getting there.

• 12:20Speaker 05

  Right. Especially well, like now that the internet, I feel like has jailbroken most of that.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:25Speaker 05

  You're just, you're able to just, if you're good and you're funny and people like you and you get out there and you make enough content.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Well, I feel like, and you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I feel like there stylistically is kind of a difference between New York comics and LA comics.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. What, what would you describe it as? How do you see it?

• 12:41Speaker 05

  He didn't think that.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  No, I was gonna, I was gonna compare it as like slightly grittier and funny and then just like gay.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Guess which city's which?

• 12:55Speaker 06

  The world may never know.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, it used to be, I feel like New York comics used to shit on LA. Now Austin, people are shitting. Like, there's a kind of like war is always between the cities.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  I feel like the Austin shit is kind of getting a little aggressive.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Aggressive?

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Aggressive in regards to the like, saying the word retard is funny.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Dude, every criticism-

• 13:16Speaker 02

  We're back to 2008.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Every criticism about a scene, there's probably like some true parts and then some overblown parts. You know what I mean? But, yeah, it used to be LA was kind of, well, you think actors, it's like more energy than funny, kind of was the criticism before. In New York, maybe you could say, you iron out all your personality and it's just a guy like doesn't move and tells jokes, but the jokes are really good.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  There's a lot of cynicism there, too.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, yeah. So you can kind of say like, a good thing and a bad thing about every, you know, type of comedy or scene. They always have like the part of it that's good and the part of it that's corny.

• 13:50Speaker 06

  Interesting. And then what made you start in, you were in Toronto first and then you're like, hey, okay, now I've expanded into LA.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  So, I used to, I was in like a band, so I was like a music guy. You music guy, you got tattoos and stuff?

• 14:02Speaker 06

  Oh, no, army and anime guy.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  He hates me, I'm gay.

• 14:06Speaker 06

  I don't listen to music. Like Connor's right, I just do not listen to music.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  It's weird.

• 14:10Speaker 06

  We call it psychopathy.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  A lot of people that I've talked to, it sounds like the kind of, the culture of like being a young band guy might be compared to being like an athlete, like, you know, the same kind of, like a team, you know what I mean? Might be the same as sort of like a, you know, a young band scene and the same as the army, a lot of people said. Those three things. It's kind of this, you know, just a group of guys.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  If you're bad at your job, you get shot.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you're bad at your job, you get shot. Obviously, the bass player usually takes one.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Eli famously bad at his job.

• 14:47Speaker 06

  I know. Shit is that.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Said the music thing. Were you in a ska band?

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, kind of like, yeah, punk, reggae, rap, ska.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  God, I could be a goddamn detective.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  I don't even know what that is.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  This is, uh, this is Selector. This is the, it was originally, it was, this is kind of the Specials logo, but it was also like a record label in the UK.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  You're telling me that's-

• 15:08Speaker 05

  Ghost Town by, by the Specials. Fucking love that song.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  You're telling me that's not a Blues Brother?

• 15:13Speaker 01

  It kinda looks like a Blues Brother, but it's a Selector. Fast forward Selector. You never heard of that?

• 15:19Speaker 03

  No, not at all. I'm sorry if I'm just not cultured.

• 15:22Speaker 05

  I listen to the Specials all the time at your house.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Really?

• 15:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Oh, no shit.

• 15:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then his special opened with a, a ska song.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was a, a band called-

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Oh, so you have prior knowledge. You, that doesn't count.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  He did slip that in.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  I could be a Detective Connor beforehand.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, himself on the back.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  So I Googled you before I showed up. No, no, no. Let me- Shut the fuck up. Did, what, did you also listen to his special this morning? No! Oh, suck my fucking- I was listening- I saw the fucking lo-, I saw the Specials tattoo on his arm. He's opened his, his fucking special with ska.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  It's a reggae band on the special.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, and- Captain Hindside. He was in a band. Oh, shut the fuck up. Nobody would have intuited that. That's called intuitive reasoning. It's logic. I applied it. I could be a goddamn detective for the same shit that Sherlock Holmes used. You can all suck my fat-

• 16:15Speaker 05

  If only detectives had access to Google.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  What do you mean? I watched his special.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Appreciate that.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Problem solved out on YouTube.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  I had watched a lot of his content beforehand. I didn't need to research. I just figured I'd come in ready with all of his jokes fresh in my mind.

• 16:34The Fat Electrician?

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• 16:35Speaker 03

  Also found it-

• 16:36The Fat Electrician?

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• 16:38The Fat Electrician?

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• 16:41Speaker 03

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• 17:02The Fat Electrician?

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• 17:07Speaker 02

  Eli's just mugging on the audience right now.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  Finn, make my dick talk.

• 17:13The Fat Electrician?

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• 17:19Speaker 02

  It's August in Texas. We're all wearing [__] jeans.

• 17:21The Fat Electrician?

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• 17:22Speaker 03

  That's right. Today we're talking about the perfect jean. Brandon, how'd my jeans feel on your neck?

• 17:28Speaker 02

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• 17:29Speaker 03

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• 17:31Speaker 02

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• 17:31Speaker 03

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• 17:38The Fat Electrician?

  I just like how they finally say that we can say [__] your khakis, which is works great pretty much everywhere except for Boston, I'm sure.

• 17:44Speaker 02

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• 18:22The Fat Electrician?

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• 18:29Speaker 01

  Oh, pants?

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Very odd that the same day you were in San Antonio last year, you're here again.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  I've been here before?

• 18:39Speaker 02

  Have you not?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  I thought I hadn't, but that happens to me a lot where I-

• 18:43Speaker 02

  Good tour. Oh, there was a pinned comment on your video that was from a year ago.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Dude, it's very possible, but I just told him I've never been here, so.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Oh, shit.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  In my mind, I had this.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  Glad we made an impact.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  Drugs.

• 19:00Speaker 05

  I was there, front row, do you remember?

• 19:03Speaker 06

  Great show.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  I still don't like know America that well, so there's, I do do that where I go to places and kind of forget, or I think I've been somewhere I haven't.

• 19:12Speaker 06

  Last year he's like, oh Mexicans, this year he's like, ew Mexicans.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  If I've been here, that's crazy, because I've been saying it's the first time here.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  If he was here last year, he'd be like, oh Mexicans, if he's here this year, where did the Mexicans go?

• 19:27Speaker 06

  We sent them back.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  God damn, if I've been here, that's crazy, but that, I do do that.

• 19:33Speaker 06

  Same detective.

• 19:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, have the information I learned is false.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  That's possible, for sure possible.

• 19:40Speaker 05

  I don't know who's wrong.

• 19:41Speaker 06

  I'm loving this one.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  No, then, yeah, so I was doing the music thing and we were pretty, kind of pretty popular in Canada, toured America a decent amount, but like had a bunch of records and then during that time, we started doing this like cable access, show me and the other guys from the band, like Tom Green, kind of, you know that world, like, we were doing, it was like a lot of on the street stuff. This would have been, I actually don't know years, but I'll tell you how many years ago.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  So I'm, I'm 40 now, that would have been when I was 24.

• 20:11Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, 16 years ago.

• 20:14Speaker 06

  Everybody, so 2010?

• 20:16Speaker 06

  Oh. 26, 2006, 2007. I can't do subtraction.

• 20:21Speaker 05

  16 years ago, 2026, 2010.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, so.

• 20:27Speaker 06

  God.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  All of you guys were into that stuff?

• 20:30Speaker 05

  You got TBI, like you have an excuse.

• 20:32Speaker 06

  I dropped out of high school, I mean, I have so many excuses, I'm 40.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  You must have been into Jackass and Tom Green and all that sort of stuff.

• 20:38Speaker 06

  Well, you said Tom Green, I was like, oh, you're my age or around there.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  The goat.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, that was like 03-ish.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were doing all these DVDs, like back in the day it was DVDs.

• 20:48Speaker 06

  Oh shit, so you're recording like old camcorder shit?

• 20:51Speaker 01

  In high school, I was huge into the film and everyone, and then, you know, you take the stuff, you put it on the, um, uh, you put it on the TV, you have to watch it there, you can only kind of like edit it on the thing.

• 21:02Speaker 06

  Your parents are way better than mine, because you could afford a camcorder.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  They were that expensive, these like super crappy ones, and you don't need one for the squad.

• 21:10Speaker 06

  That's true, that is true.

• 21:13Speaker 06

  But yeah, that is, oh man.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  That was the game back then, yeah. And then you'd kinda, yeah, you'd put them and then I remember the first, I had like the first iMovie and figured out how to edit and you're just like, sick.

• 21:23Speaker 08

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 21:53Speaker 05

  Windows Movie Maker.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, Windows Movie Maker, yeah.

• 21:57Speaker 06

  What do you guys think? Play, it's a slow intro with sparkles.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, the star wipe transition.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you felt like a wizard.

• 22:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 06

  That's fucking sick, dude. I'm basically Scorsese.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:09Speaker 06

  So you were doing that and then you're like, okay, hey, we're.

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, we said we're doing all these DVDs and band stuff and, you know, whatever, like just filming all sorts of crazy little videos and then we made a, put it together into a pilot and sold this cable access show that you, you know, made $400 an episode for, did some of that. Then sort of turned that into this show at like Byte TV called Ryan Long is Challenged and then during that time I started doing stand-up.

• 22:32Speaker 05

  It's called Ryan Long is Challenged?

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 05

  That's fucking rad.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Not bad, yeah. I actually put some episodes of that on YouTube.

• 22:37Speaker 06

  Ryan Long is Challenge or Ryan Long?

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Ryan Long is Challenge.

• 22:40Speaker 06

  That is fucking dope.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was like a fake, it was a fake, fake reality show where every episode there's like a new challenge, but they're all, it was all, you know, messing with people on the street stuff. That was kind of the whole thing.

• 22:50Speaker 06

  His challenge is a while.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, so just doing all that stuff and then during that time it was kind of like, oh yeah, maybe I should, I guess I should also try stand-up and then you try stand-up and you're like, I guess that's my life now. You, because you, you think it's, it's like, yeah, you sort of do that. And then you're just like, no, if you want to do that, it becomes, takes over everything in your life. And then you're just like, then I guess I've done stand-up almost every night for the last 15 years now.

• 23:11Speaker 05

  No shit.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Jesus.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  I mean, at least like three, four times a week, even I probably haven't gone a week without doing stand up and since I started, yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 05

  So I think I know the answer, but I'm just curious, like, are the jitters now completely gone? When you stand up in front of a crowd and you're doing like, you know, crowd work or something improv? Like, do you just know, like, hey, I'm a pro at this point, I can just do it?

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like the only time you get jitters is almost the reverse of what you'd think where, like, if you go do some, like, huge show for 2,000 people, that would not, I could literally be just, like, talking and then go on, it wouldn't even anything.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  But if I was doing a show for, like, seven people in the city and it was crappy, and then someone that I care about their opinion walks in the room, then all of a sudden, you're kind of like, oh, right. And then you start, then that's when your brain starts going, like, these weird moments, you kind of get nervous for a second.

• 23:58Speaker 05

  So what you're telling me is that you don't care about your fans?

• 24:00Speaker 01

  No, it's easy, because I know, no, I think what makes you, well, I've thought about this before, I go, what makes you nervous? Like, even with anything, you go, nervousness comes from, I'm not sure how this is gonna shake down. Whereas if I'm in a, like, a theater with tons of people, I kind of know exactly what's gonna happen, and there's nothing that could happen that I couldn't handle.

• 24:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, performing to one person sitting on a couch is nightmarish.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 05

  700 people where it's just a blur.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, we got this.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  So it's like a lack of control.

• 24:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, but that's my worst fear, performing in small rooms, like, to a handful of people, fuck.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  Especially when it's a black couch with a camcorder, it's just a very, there's a lot of pressure.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  I know what's gonna happen.

• 24:40Speaker 06

  It's a seaside control.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:43Speaker 05

  But no, like. No, I've been here before.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Okay, couldn't you say, like, if you were putting on a, like, I can even, you can probably relate this even, like, to guns, not that I'm saying that's the whole thing or whatever, but, like, imagine you were being, like, okay, I'm gonna put in a demonstration for my fans, you probably wouldn't be nervous, but imagine you were kind of messing around and someone that was, like, really good was, like, over your shoulder.

• 25:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, okay, I know exactly what you're trying, yeah. If, yeah, if every video I did, I had Ian from Forgotten Weapons, like, right over my shoulder, like, analyzing everything I did.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 25:11Speaker 05

  I would have a bit of a complex.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  Like, all of a sudden, then you're kind of like, oh, am I, do I even know how to shoot a gun?

• 25:16Speaker 05

  Like, I, I know that fact's correct, but is it?

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So I feel like those little moments like kind of get in your head.

• 25:22Speaker 05

  And when you say like people that you respect, like somebody, somebody whose opinion you you respect walks into the room, you're talking about like other comics.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, might just be even like your boy that you haven't, you haven't seen in a while. So it's a lot of times, you know, everyone's out on the road, then your friend, you know, people are on the road and then you kind of see him in the city. You're like, oh, what's this guy been up to? You kind of watch his set for 15 minutes.

• 25:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  And then he was like, I actually wanted to work on stuff. Stop watching me. You know what I mean? But yeah, then someone comes in that you haven't seen in a while and you want them to think you're funny. So then they kind of come in and then you're all of a sudden like, fuck, I was gonna, planning on bombing right now and like we're in all this news stuff.

• 25:51Speaker 05

  I was planning on bombing.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Now, now you're like, what's the newest good thing I didn't say?

• 25:56Speaker 06

  Shit.

• 25:58Speaker 06

  But what was that change to go to comedy? Cause that is like what you're doing, a band element. And now it's, well, I'll just tell jokes.

• 26:07Speaker 05

  That's an interesting switch.

• 26:08Speaker 06

  For me, yeah, because that is, we get up, we'll perform in front of like a lot of people and it's just a podcast. It's crowd interaction. It's an amazing time.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  It sounds sick.

• 26:18Speaker 06

  But don't have that fear of walking up by yourself and be like,

• 26:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, alone's spooky.

• 26:25Speaker 06

  And then you're like, boo, like, huh, like,

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 06

  I'd crumble immediately by myself.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, everything just becomes normal. I mean, I probably wouldn't want to do whatever you did in the army.

• 26:36Speaker 06

  Unfortunately, I don't think most, you know, be bad at your job.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  I mean, that's a fair, yeah, that's a fair jump. I'd rather bomb in front of 700 people that get shot in the ass. I'd rather bomb on stage than get bombed. Yeah, I think most people take that trade to be honest.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  But then it becomes normal probably at some point, you know?

• 26:57Speaker 06

  It does. It really does.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Like, I, I mean, okay.

• 26:59Speaker 06

  My normal is like, eh, if they shoot me, I hope it's here.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:04Speaker 05

  It'll instantly not be my problem.

• 27:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, then I'm not worried anymore.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  You know what's probably the true, it's stand up is the hardest one for the first like five years and then it's like, it's a, it's super hard to not be that good at, you know what I mean? And it's hard.

• 27:19Speaker 05

  Good to know there's an easy learning curve.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. But then after.

• 27:22Speaker 05

  It's pretty hard for half a decade. It's, you know?

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably seven, eight years for people. And then after that, it just becomes anything else. Like, once you've been doing it for eight years and you're like, okay, I have an hour, I can do this. Then it becomes anything else. Whereas like then now I go, sometimes you'll be like, man, this is kind of rough. And then you're just like, yeah, but the other version that other people are doing, you're like, Like then you go in an octagon and fight people to the, you know what I mean? So you go, it's hard to be, oh, man, this is so hard. I gotta go stand in front of people and speak.

• 27:51Speaker 05

  I will say there's something to be said too about like, especially our podcast format is cause like when you're up there with five of your boys. And you know, you got an audience that's already like, they, they fucking love, you know, a lot of the shit we've done before. And so like they go crazy. They're there for you. Yeah, exactly. They're, they're there for us. Like we built that community. Uh, but like, oh yeah, being able to, to have that versus going up into a crowd of, you know, for example, two, 300 people that you've never fucking met before, that maybe don't know you at all. Yeah. And have to make them laugh. That seems like a totally different skillset.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. It all just becomes like, it's becomes regular where you're just like, well, you know how to do it. You know what I mean?

• 28:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  It becomes the, like, to use the octagon analogy of like, yeah, that would be hard to have to go fight the best fighter in the world every night. But you're like, that's not really what you're doing in that scenario. What you're really doing for that UFC fighter is beating up a guy in a bar. You know what I mean? Where like, that actually wasn't that stressful or hard.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  Oh, gotcha.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Cause you're like, I put, you put work that you're putting together this hour. And it's like, now you have this jokes and you're like, and then the things that work, it works every time. It's kind of like magic in that sense where you're like, I have this thing. It almost always work. And then you, your instincts, you have so many different instincts that, okay, if this happens, I do this and it become microscopic and it becomes like second nature, I guess.

• 29:05Speaker 05

  You just do the thing you always do.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think everything like a mastery or whatever, it probably works similar in like everything. The difference is probably with stand up, why it seems maybe sometimes scary is like, if you're like, um, there's 16 year olds that like form a band. And then it's pretty good. Or YouTubers, like even that are, you know what? I'm gonna start making some sketches. And then within a year, you're like, oh, that's actually pretty funny. That, that one, that curve is more like five, six years, probably. There's very few people that are just like, oh, yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 05

  Well, you're also directly facing the like the number one fear of most people, which is not only public speaking, but public speaking where you're expected to make people laugh, which is far harder. And so like you have like, I guarantee you, if you you talk to most of the people in the audience or whoever, they would rather jump out of a plane than do a 20 minute set in front of 500 people.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  I'm saying on the podcast, there's so there's so much comfort because like every time I've been on stage, it's like if you throw out a joke and it fucking bombs, I can just flash eyes at Brandon. I'm like, takeover.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Like, it's not, it's not up to me to, well, you guys didn't like that one?

• 30:08Speaker 06

  Instant feedback. And that's what you have to deal with that instant feedback.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  You are that stinks. Like when you're just there and you're eating it and there's nothing you can do and you're three years in, you don't even have the tools. You're like, this is the worst thing I've ever experienced.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  What's the hardest you've ever bombed?

• 30:24Speaker 01

  So many times. I mean,

• 30:26Speaker 02

  What's the one that sticks in your mind, though?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  I remember one that's funny is there's certain people that you're just like really not equipped to follow when you're young. And I remember some, like, there was this guy, he was in a wheelchair and he went up and he was just like crushing for, it was in front of a black audience too. So black audiences get like, wow, you know, and

• 30:48Speaker 06

  What are you saying?

• 30:50Speaker 01

  I'm joking. To lose them, their highs are highs, but they turn on you, they're like, fuck you. So you know what I mean? Like, and then

• 30:59Speaker 06

  What's the best reactions? Like that, they are phenomenal.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 06

  Audience to have because it is over that top reaction.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  They, yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 06

  Mexicans, I'll call them they too. All white people, they.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, black ruins is a thing. Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  That's a, that's a definitely a thing. So

• 31:17Speaker 02

  But you lost them.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Well, this guy went up with a wheelchair and he had like a hand that had cerebral palsy.

• 31:24Speaker 06

  Cheat codes.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  And this guy was like talking about how he's like fingering girls with his hand and just Black guys are falling out of their chair, dying laughing, right? And then I went up immediately and I said some, something about like gay people and like everyone in the crowd was just like, yo, hey, yo, like, and I remember just being like, I have nine more minutes. And then about three minutes in, this black room, they have like a DJ that plays like get off stage music.

• 31:51Speaker 05

  Oh shit.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  And I'm like, I probably, I'm maybe a year into comedy and this guy's just like murdering. I went up, talked about gay people. Everyone was just like, about to puke. Like, and then, and then the DJ puts on like music to kick me off stage. Everyone starts bursting out laughing and I walked off stage and just like walked into an ocean. And I was like, I'm not doing stand up anymore.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  But yeah, I've been in 10 more of those.

• 32:18Speaker 05

  Click.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  All right. Well, I guess I'm doing tomorrow's show.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Socks dude, stand up stinks.

• 32:24Speaker 06

  Have you ever woke up and felt like your mattress punched you in your sleep? I still think it was my wife, but yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Eli, do you have the mattress?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Right here.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  A pillow?

• 32:34Speaker 01

  No, that's an Eli sized mattress.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Eli, can I fill the pillow?

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  It's so soft.

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• 32:47Speaker 01

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• 33:38Speaker 05

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• 33:41Speaker 01

  Sleep better, stay cooler, or Cody's gonna.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  I'll eat your.

• 33:46The Fat Electrician?

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• 33:47Speaker 06

  What is it now? Do you see your show has to change depending on what location you're at? Cause I think that is a big element, like a very large element. We had that same experience with even the

• 34:02Speaker 06

  employees at certain locations were way more opening. Certain locations in New Jersey.

• 34:09Speaker 06

  Were way more respect. They, they liked us versus just hating us for no reason.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 34:15Speaker 06

  Do you see that?

• 34:16Speaker 01

  That's on your shows?

• 34:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  That's interesting when you, it's like your fans and then do, what do you think it was? Do you think that they just kind of were expecting something different?

• 34:23Speaker 06

  No, the fans loved it. It was the employees.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Oh, the employees.

• 34:27Speaker 06

  Employees of the venue.

• 34:29Speaker 05

  The fans, the fans were pretty much great everywhere.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. You could feel their energy of like a lady walking around, like giving you.

• 34:35Speaker 06

  Oh no, like they made it known. They like out the gate. We've never been patted down to go in a green room before or in the backstage like.

• 34:43Speaker 05

  Yeah. Like you're patting people down for weapons for our sake, fuckhead. Like.

• 34:47Speaker 06

  They're just assholes like the entire time and we didn't know what we did. It was a, because we start the show. We tip every, all the employees out the gate. Like first thing we do, we haven't seen how you're going to work. It's like, here's tips, blah, blah, blah. I hope you just enjoy the show. Have fun.

• 35:02Speaker 05

  You take care of the people that take care of you, you know, like if you guys have, you know, you're putting on a, you guys are here, uh, helping us put on the show that allows us to do all this for our fans. It's like, yeah, we'll, we'll, you know, we'll make sure that you're, you're paid accordingly. These people, and well, also Jersey, they weren't allowed to get tipped out. They're not allowed to get fired and they're not allowed to get tipped. Wow. I wonder why their performance sucks. Like.

• 35:25Speaker 06

  And that's the only time we've ever had a bad experience ever.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it kind of weighs on you. You're on stage, like knowing these, the energy of these nine people that don't like me. And there's nothing I can do about it.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  Our phones were going off.

• 35:36Speaker 05

  We were getting texts the entire time, like where all of our staff that's like dealing with shit behind the scenes is like, they're bullying us right now. They're like, hey, as soon as you guys get off stage, like while we normally like hang out and everything, bail, we're leaving.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Did you guys talk about it on stage? Did you be like, the staff's a bit much?

• 35:51Speaker 06

  No, we were still fucking super nice. Even said, hey, make sure you tip them out. It was that when we got home, we did an IG story. And then they found out the power of the internet or really fast. Like.

• 36:02Speaker 05

  They got review bombed like crazy.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  You guys Karen'd them.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  I went to Karen someone last night.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  What happened? Tell the story.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  I went to the Alamo rental place. No shout out to Alamo and they wouldn't give me a car because I didn't have my passport. I don't have my permanent resident card and they're just like, you have to have a passport. And then they're like, they got the manager and she goes, I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're not getting a car. And I was just like, I'll show you, I pulled up their website and it was like, you just need a valid government ID. And if you look up valid government ID, permanent resident card counts. It's like your status card or whatever. And then I saw my Toronto license.

• 36:38Speaker 06

  Does it say with your Canadian driver's license?

• 36:39Speaker 01

  My Canadian driver's license, I have my permanent resident card and then like three credit cards, like whatever it was. And then she was just like, no. And I'm like, I'm showing you the thing. And then she was like, you can show me all you want. Like you're not getting a car. And then I was, she goes, that's Texas law that you need a passport. And then I go, and then so I fought with her for a bit and then walked to the next booth over and the guy gave me a car. But I had, yeah, I was just like.

• 37:00Speaker 06

  Texas law.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. I went back and I was just like.

• 37:03Speaker 06

  The next booth, the guy was like, oh, you have $250. Here's the keys.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. But it was like late at night.

• 37:09Speaker 06

  Like you stole it.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  I was infuriating. I was like, want to review bomb them.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Got the girl's name too. Might drop it.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Considering it.

• 37:22Speaker 06

  So is that though, like the different.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  If I was on stage in that scenario, that, because that's what you're sitting in there in that energy, I would, I would, I would figure out a way to get rid of that energy as soon as possible. So if I was for you, you're like, this thing's happening. I would be talking about that immediately. Be like, pretty weird interaction with the staff. Like that would, because.

• 37:42Speaker 06

  Our audience is, we love our community, but.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  You can do it no way though. You, there's an elephant in the room. But you're describing like an elephant in the room, right?

• 37:51Speaker 06

  This is just on Instagram stories. They.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  We're in a room full of elephant hunters is the problem.

• 37:56Speaker 06

  This is.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  You're saying you'd be like, staff's really weird.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Stop, stop, stop.

• 38:02Speaker 06

  It was a, a review bomb. This is, and this is just that evening at like 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. till two in the morning, we're doing stories about it and they have probably a thousand reviews already at that, like on every platform against them. It's one start, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that is a thousand, like in a three hour window. And you're like, whoa.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  And some of it was.

• 38:26Speaker 05

  Some of the, some of the stuff they did was pretty egregious. Like not only was it like mistreatment, it was like harassment of certain people and just like they just all around were just a terrible fucking menu. Everybody it.

• 38:38Speaker 06

  We've never had that before.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  No, ever. Out of 20 shows, maybe roughly.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  And you still don't know what it was. Like you never got to the bottom of why do these guys have a bone to pick with us?

• 38:47Speaker 05

  My theory is just Jersey. I don't like that place. Sorry if you're from Jersey, but you should get out.

• 38:52Speaker 06

  It's, it was a wild one. It was, uh, the exact same set, exact same, like everything we do, we modify it a small amount, but the starting's the same. We're always going to use the same jokes at the beginning when we're introducing, calling people out. And it was just like instantly like, no, no, it was they just.

• 39:10Speaker 05

  Say like 50, 60% of the show is the same. Like there's a lot of ad libbing. We're just, we're all just bros on stage hanging out and like, we're especially toward the end. We're, yeah, we got a structure, but we're also on stage like trying to make each other laugh, which is I think always kind of a fun vibe.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 05

  And that was just, uh, nothing was inordinately different, but.

• 39:28Speaker 06

  But them, they were very different. And no matter what we did, uh, just we're just never work with a union in that side of the space ever.

• 39:38Speaker 05

  We didn't even get to do like a sound check.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Was that was a union? It was a union? I mean, those are hard to deal with, man. Every time you're just like, hey, uh, I'm thinking about putting, um, just like a small thing on the wall. And they're like, whoa, we're going to need the small thing on the wall guy.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  We've got seven fucking people. That's another $2,000.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  It's everything. You're just like, hey, I'm going to be wearing a hat. Is that a problem? And they go, oh.

• 40:05Speaker 05

  Well, you didn't tell us we had to hire a hat guy.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Tony, who's the hat guy?

• 40:13Speaker 05

  We gotta call Tony two hats.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  You get this hat or this hat? Which hat do you want to wear? No, you can't wear that hat.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  What is that? It's a red hat?

• 40:24Speaker 05

  Dude, they, oh my god.

• 40:25Speaker 06

  No, we gotta call fucking Nick. He's the redhead guy.

• 40:31Speaker 05

  They, they, they didn't let us do a sound check because they said, oh yeah, no, um, we have our dedicated like two hour smoke break. If you don't get your sound check done by this time, then you don't get to do one. I'm like, okay, cool. Then afterward, we had like a medical emergency.

• 40:45Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  There was somebody who like actually had passed out and they were trying to get EMS in there. They turned off the lights. They're like, oh, well, union rules. You want the lights back on. It's $2,000. It's like, are you shitting me? No, that genuinely is.

• 40:57Speaker 06

  That's an expensive fucking light switch.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  I've experienced this tons of times. Yeah.

• 41:02Speaker 06

  That was our real.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  Dude, I made a TV show that was like Union. I was just like, for the bane of my existence, just every day.

• 41:08Speaker 05

  All right. Well, you, you open the door. All right. TV show that was.

• 41:11Speaker 06

  TV show. Tell us about TV show.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Oh, it's just the exact same thing. Well, it was, uh, when I did my show at CBC, we did, I had like this, uh, digital series called Trontopia, which is sketches about Toronto, but it was just every same thing where you're just like, you want to change anything? Okay. I want to just, like, for example, you know, you guys are filming. You're like, you know what? Let's put our boy in for one shot. You're just like, okay, that's going to take a month of like prep. Everything is just, you know, enormous. And then I didn't do it. So I, I was kind of like, I can, we're small enough. I could probably, you know, get away with this stuff. So I would just be like, we need an extra, like, you know, well, let's put the camera guy there for a second. And then, you know what I mean? They tracked me down. They're like, you owe me 20 grand.

• 41:50Speaker 06

  Dude.

• 41:51Speaker 08

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 42:21Speaker 06

  Dude, it is wild when we had to do, uh, working with Union and it was part of, uh, video game high school. And the crowd, we needed a reaction crowd shot in an office. And it's like, okay, everyone go. And they start screaming for like, no, no, no screaming, no yelling, no, nothing, just because you have to pay for that. That is

• 42:42Speaker 05

  Because it's a speaking line.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  You're not silent on camera.

• 42:45Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 42:45Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 42:46Speaker 06

  Dude, the dumb rules.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  The gayest shit I ever heard in my life.

• 42:51Speaker 06

  It's fucking wild.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, but they've got the theaters, they've the theater ones they've really, the live theaters, they've really got on lockdown and you're in some small place. Like I wanted to do, I think it was in Toronto. I wanted to do like a, a minute long intro video and I was just like, I mean, they want your firstborn. It's crazy.

• 43:10Speaker 05

  I feel like Hollywood's like that, that Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man meme. It's like, who's killing Hollywood? You guys with your dumb rules. Like, of course, now the barrier to entry is so low to do shit on the internet now.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And they're happening simultaneously, right?

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  So it's kind of a weird position where we're like, we're going to make it harder at the same time. People don't need us.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna make it harder in a time where our competition is so much more prepared to overtake us for the, the war on attention.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  I remember in like acting unions, which I would, I've been in, uh, at some point.

• 43:44Speaker 06

  Film actors go, nice.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

• 43:51Speaker 06

  I was like watching, I was waiting for con traction.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Very, yeah, very highbrow stuff. Yeah. For me. And then an actual, I, you know, I don't want to talk about my craft of acting, but they, no, it would be, there, there was a point where they were saying that if people wanted to make Instagram videos on their own channel, they can't because they're a union actor. So they have to pay the fee and, and it was just like, you know, you guys are, are you try, are you trying to make yourself obsolete? Cause this is, so everyone was just like, okay, well, I'm not, not doing social media stuff. So I guess do what you gotta do. And then there's like, oh, you're kicked out. And I'd be like, oh no.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  No, I'm gonna make money on my own. Oh no. It, it feels like the train industry, as soon as commercial flights started taking off, they're like, oh yeah, you do your silly airplane business. We'll be here forever.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And then yeah, it'd be the equivalent of the trains being like, also there's a three hour process to get on the train and then you know,

• 44:52Speaker 06

  And you have to pay 14 trillion dollars.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  And then also your permanent resident card will not be registered.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Like, I don't need you.

• 45:03Speaker 06

  Fuck. So what is the, the locations you do perform the best or you have to?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  I do the Comedy Cellar, uh, New York Comedy Club, The Stand. There's a club called Williamsburg Comedy Club. I was doing a lot, uh, St. Mark's in New York. But yeah, the Comedy Cellar is kind of like the main club in New York, you might say. And then The Stand and New York Comedy Club.

• 45:21Speaker 05

  I've never heard of that. Is that like, kind of like the, like the?

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Comedy Store?

• 45:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. That's the, probably the New York that, yeah.

• 45:27Speaker 05

  Thank you for knowing exactly what I was talking about, but yes, I could not have come up with the name on the spot.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, LA, LA is the Comedy Store, which is kind of has like a, I don't know, that is cool energy, cause it's, it's got this old, like, feels like, you know, people say it feels like it has ghosts there, but like LA has this weird kind of, you know, vibe where it feels like someone was killed there. And I think there has been people shot there and stuff like that. So it's, it's got kind of like a romantic vibe in a weird way.

• 45:52Speaker 05

  It's kind of like Old Vegas in a sense where you're like, there's all these people that have been through here, like, these are the people that perform. These are the people that like built this place up. Like, you're like, oh, fuck, I'm standing in the same place as these people did.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  And, and Comedy Cellar has a vibe too, where I'm actually, honestly, since I've been there, I've even been able to be conscious of it, whereas like a lot of times, you know, and you kind of like look back at times, you're like, oh, that was sick, but you didn't notice it at the time. I feel like Comedy Store, a seller, I've actually been able to, as I'm there, be like, oh yeah, this is cool, you know? And it's like, you know, walk, and I've lived like super close, you like walk there and just every famous person's there and the shows are all good and the rooms are perfect for comedy and just, then you kind of finish your set, have a beer, watch David Tell and you're just like, oh yeah, this is like a, I bet you like years from now, I'll be like, oh, this was sick, you know?

• 46:40Speaker 05

  Now, when you say when the room is perfect for comedy, what do you mean by that?

• 46:43Speaker 01

  The, I'm not like a, uh, the best guy in the world in knowing the, the exact dimensions and stuff, but there's like a science, but the simplest one is low ceilings. Sometimes you're just like, pretty obvious, low ceilings, have carpets.

• 46:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Like your chairs are better acoustics, you know, there's, there's certain backgrounds that look better than others, don't have like a crazy, uh, backlight where you can't see it, but most of it's sound. Most of it is the audience is dark enough because when the audience is bright, they don't laugh as much, you know, little things like that.

• 47:13Speaker 05

  Cause I was told like the, the worst thing for like a comedy show like that is to have an audience that, let's, for example, you got a thousand seats. Four hundred of them are filled. It's better to have like a room that seats four hundred with four hundred people.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 05

  If people aren't shoulder to shoulder, they don't laugh.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  They laugh more when they're, yeah, because the energy, it's an energy, right?

• 47:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And then when they're bright and think they're cool, the worst clubs are bright and like hip, like people, like a guy, like you, you're well dressed dude, like a guy like you that's there with like a hot date, you know what I mean? And they're sitting there and it's like, any, any guy that is there with like a girl and he's kind of like trying to impress her and she's hot, like no guy's gonna be like, ah, you know, you know, most you're gonna be like, like everyone's trying to be cool.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  Right.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  And then on top of that, it's bright. So it's not even like dark where you could lose yourself. So like hip, bright tables instead. Yeah, that's the kind of, those are the worst ones in the city, I find.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  That kind of sucks because it, it sucks the fun out of the audience too. Like you're not allowed to laugh like.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you want, sorry to interrupt. What you want is like in on the road club where this guy's been with his wife for 10 years and he doesn't give a shit what she thinks of him. You know, he's, if she, if he's like, ah, like, like he could be dying laughter and she's not gonna, and she's like, oh, that was a lot. And he's like, yeah, I'll go whatever, do something. What are you gonna leave me?

• 48:34Speaker 05

  Still fireman's carry to the Uber, like.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 05

  You're going home together no matter what.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  I think through all of our years in business on the internet, we've all used Shopify. I've used it for merch and my skate shop and a couple of other businesses.

• 48:47Speaker 06

  I will actually agree 100% on that. Everything we do is run through Shopify.

• 48:52Speaker 05

  Even bunkers run through Shopify.

• 48:54Speaker 06

  Our shoes, which is a separate company, is run through Shopify and they talk together because of Shopify.

• 49:00Speaker 05

  Shopify runs the world.

• 49:02Speaker 06

  Did you know Shopify will actually help you design a website also, Cody?

• 49:06Speaker 02

  I know I didn't know about starting an online store. When I started my career online, Shopify just made it super, super easy for my dumb.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Brenda, what happens if people haven't heard about my brand though?

• 49:17Speaker 05

  That's actually easy, Eli. Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to use email and social media campaigns.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Step Cody, what happens if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24 seven customer service. Step support, bro. You got my back.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  And your front.

• 49:32Speaker 06

  Shopify helps millions of businesses around the world and.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  10% of all e-commerce in the US.

• 49:38Speaker 05

  From household names like Mattel or Jim Shark to new brands just getting started. On some shoes, on some merch.

• 49:45Speaker 06

  Bunker.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  No, we've all been doing this for over a decade and Shopify is the easiest e-commerce platform we've ever used.

• 49:51Speaker 05

  I think every single one of us has used Shopify at one point.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  I think all our businesses right now are using Shopify.

• 49:57Speaker 05

  Except mine, but that's because it's guns. Can't do that.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  Just one of them can't. Turn those dreams into SFX. Cha-ching. Shopify new sell sound.

• 50:07Speaker 05

  And give them the best shot at success with Shopify.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/UnsubPod.

• 50:15Speaker 06

  Shopify.com/UnsubPod. That's super interesting in psychology because you don't have control of like, hey, I just want, we always set at the beginning of the show, it's like, hey, kill house lights and then stage lights. Here's the beats where we will want house lights to be turned on and then kill them right after. You have zero control of that on a, just on random shows day to day.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, that's, I mean, part of this, when you're in the city, part of it is more like, if you're, think of if you're like a fighter or an athlete, you kind of think of city shows a little more like the gym. You know what I mean? So it's like, I'm actually not, what you're saying is like, oh, you might not be able to like lift as much or hit your, hit your PRs or whatever. And you go, that's not, I could care less. You know what I mean?

• 50:56Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  So I'm really there and you're like working on, you've sat there all week or all day and being like, I have this new thing I'm trying to try and this and this. So maybe if I do that there and you're kind of trying to get a read on that. I'm not there to, for, you know, if people kind of say this, but like, if I go to the seller and I'm like, oh, that guy I killed, he had the best set. It's like, yeah, because you kind of like were, you know what I mean? Like a lot of times there's shows where that's me, like there's, there's a lot of times where there's shows in the city where I go on and I'm like, I go really kill and people are just like, oh, that was, you were like the best one. I'm like, yeah, because I'm a, I was gonna go and like work on all this new stuff. There's too many people here and everyone was watching and I was like, and instead of doing that, I went and killed. Like, you know what I mean?

• 51:38Speaker 05

  Like did your good shit?

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Or the, yeah, the new things I was working. Yeah. It's like, so some of it is like cowardice when you're killing. That's like a fine line.

• 51:46Speaker 05

  Do you think there's like a reliable way that you can workshop new, new material without having to go in front of a live audience? Or you're just always like, I've got to hear what they?

• 51:55Speaker 06

  Is he gonna repeat it in front of the fucking mirror? You psychopath?

• 51:58Speaker 05

  Well, you know what I mean? Like there's, there's a way we're just like.

• 52:01Speaker 05

  You're like, I think this is gonna be really good, but it's just one of those like until first contact with the enemy, you don't know.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I'd say. And you and and I believe me, every person and probably me a ton. When you start, you obviously you're when you get busy and things are working good, like you're always like, how do I make this more efficient? And obviously, the answer is like, well, if I could not do that part. And then, yeah, but you end up wasting more time because you kind of sit there and being like this, I've figured it out like this is gonna work. And then you you end up wasting like a day working on this thing that if you just went and did it, you'd be like, actually, no, you know what I mean?

• 52:34Speaker 05

  The vibe was wrong.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, no. And as soon as you say it, you're kind of like, you know, that kind of doesn't feel right. And you can get it. You can get a vibe. You can weed some out where it's like, you know, saying stuff to your friends and saying that we're like, I can weed out where I'm like, I can weed stuff out. But if I if I'm like, oh, I think this is good. And I say it to some people and I'm like, I think and then you go on stage and you're like, that wasn't really, you know what I mean?

• 52:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'll do that a lot to like friends sometimes too. I'm just like, like if I'm working on a joke for a video, I'm just like, ah, like I'll throw it out. I'm like, oh, that didn't get the response I wanted. All right.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 05

  Maybe workshop that a little bit.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, also, there's kind of a thing with um, maybe uh, other format, even like making funny videos or you know, doing people who do funny articles or others funny things. It's like that game is a lot about having like a lot of sevens consistently. You know what I mean? Even like in TV, a lot of jokes, there's like, it's about where stand ups more like the threshold of this makes it into the hours like so much higher that there's like a higher weeding out process, you know? So if you're just making like, there's videos where it's like, okay, I put out a video and it had, you know, thirty kind of laugh points in it. And some of those probably were bees, some of them, but like pretty consistent where stand up, if you went and did thirty of those, you'd be like, ah, maybe I have one thing, you know?

• 53:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  So the threshold is just so much higher.

• 53:50Speaker 06

  What was one of the jokes you did that was like, you're like, this will crush. I think this is gonna be the one. And then you just watched the opposite happen.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  The yeah, just the joke like where for a week I've just been like, well, I solved comedy. Then you go on stage, you go, it turns out I didn't solve any, I didn't solve shit.

• 54:10Speaker 02

  The platinum joke, the one everybody's been working for since the dawn of time. This is my Elon moment. So you made that comment about posting consistent sevens and that's how I built my career. That's a great offense, great offense to that.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Man, whether it become girls or jokes, nothing wrong.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Just hitting that right in the outfield every time. No home runs so far, but it's worked out just fucking fine.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I always, even just recently, you'll have a thing where you have a small point where you go, like you have this whole bit and then just the one tiny part of it is like, you're like, I guess that's something. But this nine minute thing that I thought was, and I was just like, you know, family is really important for poor people. And then you go, that's it. And then this whole, this whole other thing, I go, this one little line at the beginning was getting a laugh every time. And then I was just like, and then this whole, so I guess like, maybe when I have a joke about family, I can get that back in there. Sometime, there has been times where I've had things personally where I'm like, oh, this is a, I know it's good.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Because I know I'm like, I have a good, I know I'm like on to something here, but it took me nine years to, you know, because every time I've kind of finished a special or I'm like, you know what, let me look at all my old notes. And maybe there's something there. Every time I'm like, why did I ever, this is gold. And then you bring it out, tried for a week, force it and I go, yeah, I'm back in this closet with that.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Why? This is, oh my, you're disgusting.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  I mean, it really is like a girl where it's like, you get back with the hot girl and you're like, why did I ever stop? Dude, this girl rule. And then like week three, you're like, that's why, right? Crazy. Yeah. She just crashed my house. That's, yeah, she's crying again. That's what the reason.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  Fuck, I was stupid.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I definitely feel like jokes have, you probably had things like that, but yeah, jokes and kinda be like that where you're just like, I, whoa, this is perfect. And then you, you're like, no, it wasn't quite perfect. That's why. And you could never solve that last little part of it.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Do you have one where it like sticks out in your mind where you're like, this joke is the one it will kill, it'll solve comedy and I'm going to present it and the platinum joke?

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Oh. Well, I'll tell you, I could, uh, I'll tell you that this is me teaching you about colonization, but.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you. Thank you.

• 56:34Speaker 01

  I love your skin. For the record, I do not think this is gonna be solving comedy. That's not my current opinion on what I'm about to say.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  No, this is, on record, Ryan Long says this is the best joke ever written. He wrote it personally, the funniest joke, thank you sir, ever written. He compared it to colonization. I have achieved comedy.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Now that I've done with comedy, you know, I gotta do something else.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  This is his retirement joke. Next up is cancer.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Obviously, yes. Probably easier, actually.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  That's why I said that.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  You sneaking zinns down there?

• 57:12Speaker 01

  No, but I can get you one for fun.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Oh, you got one? May I?

• 57:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, buddy.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you. As the guest on the podcast. Thank you so much, sir. Oh, there's citrus too. I love you, sir.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, good flavors.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  The sixties?

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  You ever done nines?

• 57:26Speaker 02

  No, I'm not a guy. I haven't done. They're illegal in Canadia.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Well, when, when I was in, uh, I did, I did like a Europe tour and they had like sixteens and these crazy numbers. And it's funny, cause you first do it and you're just like, it's, you're like, this is insane. Why is anyone, and then by the fourth one, you're just like popping, like your body adapts quick.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  You start losing feeling in these three fingers, but. I've seen the ones that like from, uh, from Europe where they have like the 50 milligram, uh, like zins and shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's, it's like to me, I'm like, I would be immediately physically ill within like three minutes.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  There's no way. Ryan was about to tell the funniest joke ever told. That's right. Ever of all time.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  No, I wasn't. I, I sort of, I pivoted out of telling the joke and in an interesting way, I said, I'm gonna do something else, but. Chance, pull up funniest joke ever. I was going up, really set the tone for this. I said, I was gonna teach you about colonization. Do you guys know about colonization?

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Well, I'm Irish, which is the original colony and the original terrorists, which you probably know about. But for your audience who doesn't know about colonization, back in the day, England used to go to all these other countries and improve them. And because they're

• 58:36Speaker 01

  ask for a few spices, nothing crazy, you know what I'm saying?

• 58:39Speaker 05

  And asking for all the spices and using none of them.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it'd be like your buddy coming to your house and clean the place, puts in a soda stream when he leaves. He's like, mind if I take some oregano? And you're like, what?

• 58:49Speaker 01

  But then, yeah, they used to try to help. They'd call these other countries, be like, India, we have toilets now. They'd be like, we already told you we're good. Click.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  They'd be like, Australia, you guys need criminals. They'd be like, we don't, we already, we don't need any. He'd be like, they're on their way, you know? And then England went to

• 59:05Speaker 05

  Trust me, they had plenty.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  They had a few, but they needed more. And then England went to the Middle East and gave them the best present you could ever ask for, which is 85,000 Jews. And we did so much to thank you, by the way. I wish I had 85,000 Jews. And Jamaica was jealous. They're like, we want Jews. They're like, you already have black people. Don't get greedy. And they said, once they become regular stars, we're still gonna need a few Jews to manage them. And they said, the Jews can't help because they're busy sending over the black people. No. That is 20% historically accurate.

• 59:36Speaker 05

  I'm going to tell my kids that was the trade triangle.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  I hate that. That is the viral clip that just happened. I will let you know that is the viral clip.

• 59:46Speaker 05

  Hey, editor, when you, when you clip that up into a short, please leave my face out of it.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  For the record, I'm just telling you.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Is that not correct? Like, right now, that's why America has to be the colonizer. And that's why America's running out of money. They're gonna have to start an OnlyFans. Because if you think about it.

• 1:00:03Speaker 05

  You're telling me we're, we're carrying the baton for Britain?

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Why do you think Britain has a mosque on every corner and putting people in jail for speech? Because they're trying to disguise themselves as Muslim in hopes that someone colonizes them for a change? Because they're always the colonizer, never the colonizer.

• 1:00:18Speaker 05

  Well, you know, once we get Greenland, who knows?

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  That's what I said. I said, Trump's been spinning a wheel just to figure out which dictator he's gonna remove. He's like, green, Greenland.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  It's yellow. He's like, Kim Jong-un's gonna get it.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, brown. He goes, London.

• 1:00:38Speaker 06

  What's up there?

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  You got your viral clip, doc?

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  No, that's good.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Congratulations.

• 1:00:44Speaker 06

  That's a good, that's...

• 1:00:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  That'll kill here in San Antonio.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  Made it a third of the way through that White Claw and he finally opened up.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  You bullied me into doing a joke.

• 1:01:00Speaker 06

  Brandon!

• 1:01:02Speaker 06

  Brandon! Cody, call him the one word.

• 1:01:05Speaker 03

  Win AK-50!

• 1:01:08Speaker 05

  I sensed a disturbance in the force. What's up?

• 1:01:10Speaker 06

  How do you like those Turtle Beach noise-canceling headphones? They're the Stealth 700.

• 1:01:14Speaker 05

  They're fantastic. The noise-canceling is so good, all I hear is tinnitus.

• 1:01:19Speaker 06

  Ah, god, these are comfortable.

• 1:01:21Speaker 05

  They're really comfy.

• 1:01:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, those are dope.

• 1:01:23Speaker 05

  Turtle Beach, make some Range Ear Pro.

• 1:01:25Speaker 06

  You went genuine, Cody, actually, like, put those on.

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:01:30Speaker 06

  Dude, those are legit comfortable. Turtle Beach, what you doing over there, girl? You making some hot-ass stuff!

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  I like your squishies.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  3D spatial audio to improve your gaming, that would work really good in Tarkov, hear people's footsteps.

• 1:01:47Speaker 06

  And in PUBG.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  I can't wait to use a Turtle Beach headset to listen for footsteps in Tarkov, running the new AK-50, while I get still killed from a wood line I can't see.

• 1:01:57Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:01:57Speaker 05

  Eli, there's a global cabal that's working behind the scenes to control all media banking. And that's why we should have never gone off the gold standard.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  Hey, hold on, hold on. 80-hour battery life.

• 1:02:08Speaker 05

  80-hour battery life? Holy [bleep], there's a lot of switches.

• 1:02:12Speaker 06

  Can't stress enough how comfortable these are, and if you've been in a long gaming session, which I'm sure all of us have, unfortunately.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  I wear adult diapers when I play World of Warcraft. You should be euthanized.

• 1:02:23Speaker 06

  Ha! Also, controls! Headphones, great, this.

• 1:02:30Speaker 03

  Game hard.

• 1:02:31Speaker 05

  Head to Turtle Beach and use code UNSUB for 10% off your entire order.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  That's 10% off your entire order at turtlebeach.com with using code UNSUB. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support UNSUB and tell them where you got them. Tell them UNSUB sends their regards.

• 1:02:47Speaker 06

  See, that's what's crazy is like a joke like that will work in some areas and then it's not.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  No, I don't. I'm in New York, dude. So my, to be honest, it's for me, it's because I know, I know the question you're asking. For me, it's sort of the opposite. Where I'm like a, you know, like I do better in, I'm like a city urban guy. You know what I mean? I'm from Toronto, then New York, like all my jokes are made there where sometimes, uh, in places like this, I feel a little more, I gotta change it a little.

• 1:03:15Speaker 06

  No shit.

• 1:03:16Speaker 05

  Yeah. In what way? What, uh, in what way do you change it, I guess?

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  Well, a lot of times you're, you, the vibe of like, okay, so in New York, people have like a things that they think that they agree with. Oh, I mean, it can go both ways, but like, let's say you were talking about gay people to people that are New Yorkers. That is different than talking about that to someone who maybe isn't even like about it.

• 1:03:44Speaker 06

  Gotcha. They're not even open up to the jokes for it or even that commu- that.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  They don't know what you're talking about.

• 1:03:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're like.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Dude, sometimes I remember like in Toronto, I would talk about like Indian people because like this dude, all like my boys are Indian and it was very like part of the culture.

• 1:03:56Speaker 06

  You got Indian friends.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have Indian friends and then you kind of, I remember even in like being in, you come to some places here, you'd be like Indian, you know, Indian dudes are like this and they're just like, I guess, like I'll take your word for it. Like it's not that they're.

• 1:04:06Speaker 06

  If they've never been to the Costco.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're not even like offended or not offended. They just don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

• 1:04:12Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  It's like, you know, like you see all these New York comics come out here and talk about subways and everyone's like, I don't know. Is that what happens on there? I don't take the subway.

• 1:04:19Speaker 06

  It's a relatability to the joke.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes the pushback that you're like, the joke is built on like a certain amount of pushback that no longer exists, then you're like, well, then what are we doing here?

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  That and I wonder like, do you have to like kind of adjust? Cause I guess it's easier to be edgy in like LA and New York.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  It's a different type of, it's a different thing that's edgy.

• 1:04:38Speaker 05

  Cause like a certain, a certain element of comedy is like, okay, you're doing the thing you're not supposed to do. You're saying the thing you're not supposed to say and that's why, but it's relatable.

• 1:04:48Speaker 05

  I guess there's an element of comedy in that, like, do you find it harder when you go to places that aren't so much in those spheres?

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Well, you just go the other way. They still have their things.

• 1:04:56Speaker 05

  Oh, that's true. I guess, I guess that is true.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  There's kind of different, uh, like if you think of, there's more like Texas is a little more serious, right? So Texas people, you know,

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Depends where you go.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Well, I know what you mean, but I was kind of thinking like, if you think of like Florida trash.

• 1:05:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  You know, I was kind of in my mind, I was thinking like, if you talk about like a Texas guy, but like why his guns, it's like, well, it's the second amendment. And there's kind of like a philosophy. If you talk to Florida, it's like, why do you have guns? Like, so someone doesn't steal my pills.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 1:05:24Speaker 05

  In case I get serious about that next one.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  It's like, you know, getting from like a hooker at NASCAR, like Florida trash is like a different type of, so there's,

• 1:05:34Speaker 05

  There's a reason the Florida man vibe exists.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. So Texas people are serious in the way that, you know, sometimes, you know, people are serious, but just about different topics, you know?

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  So you kind of go the other way. You know, like maybe talking shit about God to certain people is obviously like in New York, that would be like the least edgy thing you could ever do.

• 1:05:53Speaker 05

  Right. They're like, yeah, that's what we all believe. Here it's just like, oh, well, you know.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  Like you, you flip it. It's like, it's edgy to talk about probably Allah in New York. And here it's, you could probably say whatever about Allah, but like, if you go real hard on Jesus, people might be like, shut up.

• 1:06:08Speaker 05

  But, well, and then there's the, the, the balance of like, okay, how do you turn that into comedy? Cause there's like, okay, there's offending people and then there's offending people in a funny way, you know? Cause I mean, I, I feel like, I mean,

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  I'm not really,

• 1:06:18Speaker 05

  Just, just for the record, I'm explaining this.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  As much as people think I am.

• 1:06:21Speaker 05

  For the audience sake, not your sake. I'm not trying to teach you how to do comedy. Cause God knows you know how to do it, but.

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  No, but I'm like, no, but you, but you're, you actually are right. Like there is, it's, there is a difference between like, the purpose of this was to like offend people. And then the other part of it is like, the purpose for this was to get someone to be like, ah, that actually is good, you know?

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  I just had that.

• 1:07:05Speaker 08

  Coca-Cola for everyone. Take out some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  Moment of self-awareness. I'm like, I don't want to come off like I'm mansplaining.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  Tell the comedian how to do comedy.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  Comedy is such a stupid thing to be an expert on because it is obviously, but it's, if you're like a engineer and you're an expert, we don't all do a bit of engineering. You know what I mean? With comedy, you're like, I'm an expert comedy. Everyone's been joking around with their friends their whole life. So everyone also does this.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  Well, I made a comment this morning to Brandon, not to fucking suck your, but I was like, no, he's just, he's got that natural inclination because there was a joke he made. Where you were talking about, you were like, I've been getting pushed this targeted ad for a, an entirely female-based, not to fuck up your own joke, but an entirely female-based moving company. And then just very subtly, you go, so like a really moving company. I was like, yeah, it's just, oh, it's just, you slid that right in. It's like, oh, that's perfect.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  My algorithm right now, I've been saying this, but it's like, it's funny because I have like, just all disability shit. Like it's, there's a guy with no arms, no legs. He rolls around because they send you one. And then obviously you look at it. Yeah. And then the algorithm's like, yo, that's your shit.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  I love like my algorithms, like all right now, sea lions and yours is like, no, paraplegics. Just.

• 1:08:25Speaker 01

  It's my, my.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  Things that bring me joy.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  They, that's what happens. There's this one woman, she's got this no skin condition. She's always posting about like.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  I know skin.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  I've been trying to joke about her because she's, she posted, she was like, I went on this blind date with a guy and he was so surprised by my appearance. And I was like, yeah, I don't know if she'd be blind dating without skin. Bare minimum on a blind date, I'm expecting skin. Like, I don't think that's.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Things I want my partner to bring to the table. Skin.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Pretty reasonable expectation.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Bare minimum.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  That's kind of on you.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  That's fucked.

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  That's because so much of them talking, the hard cut back.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  I guess the real, yeah, the real.

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  You got a little something on, nevermind.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  No, no, all right. Yeah. The real piece is it's your buddy who set you up on that blind date. You come back, you're like, how'd it go? You're like, didn't have skin. Mention that in the rider.

• 1:09:26Speaker 02

  Set me up with the fucking California raisin.

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  The ghoul.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Zoe Burke.

• 1:09:39Speaker 06

  Lord Zod from Power Rangers.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  But it is funny. Yeah. When you just getting like, actually ours, you ever getting like another like an algorithm for like black Twitter or you know, like some like Muslim algorithm where and you're just like realizing I don't know any of this shit.

• 1:09:56Speaker 02

  Do you just go down those rabbit holes? As soon as you get exposed to it, you're just like, okay, I need to know more.

• 1:10:00Speaker 06

  I'm gonna like this one because it's gonna feed.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  If it catches me on the right time, I'm feeling sassy.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  But mine's Spanish because I, I, I speak Spanish. I speak enough Spanish that I like, I can read it and I can speak it conversationally. But like on reels, it's the same thing where I'll open up like a, a Spanish meme and it takes me longer to understand Spanish than it does English, obviously. So I'll open up an English or a meme in English and it's like boom flick and I open up one in Spanish and it takes me twice as long to comprehend.

• 1:10:33Speaker 01

  And they're like, he loves this.

• 1:10:34Speaker 02

  Loves this. And then I will just have the most Mexican feed on Instagram for like a week and a half.

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  Well, that's the problem. Sometimes I'll fall asleep while like doom scrolling or whatever. Like I'll wake up in the middle of the night, check my notifications or whatever. One thing leads to another. I'll like, I'll open up my fucking, you know, feed and then I'll fall asleep on it. So like the algorithm says like my watch time is 100% dedicated to whatever the fuck that was. I'm like, oh, great. Well, I know what my next three days looks like.

• 1:11:03Speaker 06

  God, I love the algorithm. It just, it learns you.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  You ever reset it? That's, it takes balls.

• 1:11:08Speaker 06

  I'm.

• 1:11:09Speaker 02

  How do you reset it?

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  I don't know. I either haven't looked, but my buddy did.

• 1:11:12Speaker 06

  Start a new account.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  And he's been pushing it. Now he's like, yeah, you can reset your algorithms.

• 1:11:16Speaker 06

  Dude.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  It goes stock settings.

• 1:11:18Speaker 06

  It's terrifying because what happens, I had, it will start. Presenting you your old stuff you used to watch when I started say hi that's a brand new that's a brand new channel everything so I started watching content on that bro did that not just start feeding videos I've already watched before it's like oh I think you'd like this I'm like

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  And do you pretty quick?

• 1:11:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, like in a couple of days it was like oh you probably like this I'm like I've watched that video before how did you know that?

• 1:11:46Speaker 05

  There's also a difference too between like uh like if you like go to your buddy's YouTube account like you're just like at your buddy's house and you pull up the smart TV it's like oh okay well this looks fairly similar to my feed but like with a couple of my buddies eclectic interests when you go to like an Airbnb where somebody's still logged in and you just like open that up and you're like this is somebody who has no access to my circles I we have nothing in common

• 1:12:09Speaker 01

  You were living in different worlds.

• 1:12:10Speaker 05

  You look through their feed it's like oh my god I'm just suddenly getting blasted by Mr. Beast and all this like dude like oh god what like what's going on here?

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're like someone I guess I knew someone was watching him but I've never seen a video on my feed.

• 1:12:24Speaker 06

  It's just here we are.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  Different worlds.

• 1:12:26Speaker 01

  I was kinda talking about this on on stage before but like they're they're kind of setting up dudes because they only send you if you're a dude guaranteed the first thing they try is like hot chicks right?

• 1:12:39Speaker 06

  Oh yeah.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  And then it no matter what you're you have to go boom boom boom or the algorithm is just like feeding you hot chicks and then if any like if your chick looks at your things like it's all chicks and you're just like I'm being set up you know like.

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

  Sam knows mine looks I I look just autistic and retarded it's like cars space cars space cameras.

• 1:13:02Speaker 05

  Well, because they won't recommend gun stuff anymore so like that would that's what my feed naturally it used to be.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 1:13:08Speaker 03

  They don't recommend gun stuff?

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  No, no, it's been years, years and years.

• 1:13:11Speaker 06

  On YouTube? Holy shit, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, even IG or anything will not recommend a single fucking firearm even though that's our space.

• 1:13:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, so now it's just tits and cars but like in reality like ninety five percent of what I actually consume is firearm stuff and like my actual feed.

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  That's interesting. I never get it. Yeah, I definitely never get any firearm stuff but.

• 1:13:32Speaker 05

  You guys like sea lions and dogs and all I consume is tits.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  I'll spend a little bit more time here in Texas. We'll show you around. Yeah, I mean I fired a gun once in my life and I was.

• 1:13:43Speaker 06

  Ever?

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was kind of.

• 1:13:44Speaker 06

  Like both times you said that you've done the gun.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Speaker 03

  I've shot a gun twice in my life and then you did it again when you brought that.

• 1:13:53Speaker 02

  Wait, in what, in what context?

• 1:13:54Speaker 01

  Uh, I like went to the gun range with a guy.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  Where at, where at?

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  In Toronto. And honestly, I was just kind of bored.

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  They had Musk.

• 1:14:01Speaker 05

  What is a Toronto gun range, an evidence locker?

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  Gunpowder.

• 1:14:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, we busted out the daisies. It was pretty crazy. Two, three minutes to load it.

• 1:14:15Speaker 05

  You'll never believe it, my buddy shot his eye out.

• 1:14:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a, there's a flag that says bang and then

• 1:14:22Speaker 01

  some sparks come out.

• 1:14:23Speaker 06

  God, we would have took you shooting if we were ever now, like here.

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  Oh dude, we'll take, we'll take you out with some of my toys.

• 1:14:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'd be cool with you guys, yeah. But this one, when I went, he had, he did have a lot of guns and I remember by gun four and he was, I was like, okay, that was cool. And he was like, yeah, and there's 12 more guns. And I was like, all right.

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  You said it was like, you said a lot of guns or shotguns.

• 1:14:40Speaker 05

  Cute.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:42Speaker 03

  He had a brick barrel 12 gauge. How did you?

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  Do you think it's a city thing a little bit? Cause I was even, I don't know if this is funny, but like the idea of, yeah. And I agree with like, you don't want the government to tread on you, but like when you're on, when you're in the city and everyone's there and there's a guy like yelling and screaming on crack in the subway, you're like, the government could tread on that guy a little.

• 1:15:04Speaker 03

  I, I wish, I wish the government would do 60 cc's of tread on that guy at the moment.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  You got a bit of treading on that guy at least.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Just a needle that says tread.

• 1:15:15Speaker 02

  Where are you from Toronto?

• 1:15:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:15:17Speaker 01

  Like right outside.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  So you've only ever lived in big cities?

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've never, yeah.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  We started the conversation talking about Toronto, like it's like a little podunk town in Canada.

• 1:15:27Speaker 01

  Massive.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  It's a huge city.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  I think it's third or fourth biggest metropolitan in North America.

• 1:15:32Speaker 05

  Cause in my understanding of Canada, like most of the population is like down toward the, uh, the United States, Canada border. And it's like mostly in like a pocket of a handful of cities.

• 1:15:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, kind of. It's a southern Ontario is like the big spot for sure.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  It's like population in Canada is what like 40?

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:49Speaker 02

  Toronto is south of Detroit, if I'm not mistaken.

• 1:15:53Speaker 05

  Is it really?

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:54Speaker 05

  Lighter sheet wise?

• 1:15:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:56Speaker 05

  I guess that does track.

• 1:15:58Speaker 01

  Don't put me on the spot with Joker.

• 1:16:01Speaker 02

  Cause you go, you go up and over.

• 1:16:02Speaker 01

  You're trying to make me look stupid.

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  Well, because you were talking about renting in New York.

• 1:16:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've seen like rent prices in Toronto are fucked too.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, Toronto's high, Vancouver's the highest, like that's kind of like how Silicon Valley is still.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, California of Canada.

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  But I said, yeah, I've said, half the country wants to get rid of illegal immigrants and half the country wants to get rid of guns and there's way too many of either to make a dent. And they have some similarities. When you see either on the subway, you say, ah, no. And I keep one of each in my trunk for protection.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  How often do you go back to the homeland?

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  A couple of times a year. Everything, I mean, you guys are busy dudes too. It seems like, you know, you have like multiple channels, you tour and like, everything that I say I'm gonna do, I do less of. Like I have so many things. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go to Austin more. I'm gonna go to LA more and then, oh yeah, I'm gonna, like I just, my list of things that I'm going to do is ever increasing and none of I do.

• 1:16:59Speaker 05

  That was my, my, I think my new year's resolution, like two years ago was, oh man, I really enjoyed that elk hunt me and Cody did. And like, I'm, I'm gonna do more hunting this year because I really love it.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Speaker 05

  That year I did zero hunting. It's like, well, all right, fuck me, I guess.

• 1:17:14Speaker 02

  We find two whole days next to each other where I don't have shit going on.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  Me and my boys went to Puerto Rico, just like me and like some of my like close friends from Toronto. And that was like the first time in a little bit I've done just like a random went for five days and you're just like, yeah, left being like, we have to do this every weekend. And you're like, maybe 2029.

• 1:17:32Speaker 06

  Even Cody's bachelor party was so nice. It was so relaxing. And then within two days.

• 1:17:37Speaker 02

  It was everybody left early.

• 1:17:41Speaker 02

  It was like, I gotta get home and get shit done.

• 1:17:43Speaker 06

  Oh, I got it. I'm so behind right now off of this two days of being off.

• 1:17:48Speaker 02

  It's the first time I slept, I fell asleep in a fucking hammock. That was the most peaceful I've ever been in my entire life.

• 1:17:54Speaker 05

  You got like five people who like are constantly like in this lifestyle. We're like, go, go, go, go. And then we had three days of off. Just doing nothing, which was kinda weird, like no expectation of content, no expectation of any. I don't think we filmed a single fucking thing.

• 1:18:08Speaker 06

  No, nobody, nobody was on their phone.

• 1:18:10Speaker 01

  Which is probably good, because there's nothing worse than when you're just like, alright, I'm gonna chill. And then four guys are like making videos.

• 1:18:15Speaker 05

  Oh, I would have been pissed.

• 1:18:16Speaker 01

  We can't do one day. My buddy went, they went to the, I think it was the Yankees game. And he was just like, there's five, I went with five guys and he was like, three of the guys were filming like Instagram videos the whole time for the, and he's like, what are we doing?

• 1:18:30Speaker 05

  Fuck off, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:32Speaker 06

  Okay, no.

• 1:18:34Speaker 03

  Influencers.

• 1:18:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I mean, it is out of control, but yeah, so I mean, that's as you get older, period. You gotta really, I think that's why things like even, I mean, I know that you've made like a career out of it, which makes a difference, but like all the stuff you're doing, like it kind of is a reason to hang out with people. So you kind of systemize, I mean, comedy is a bit like that too. I tour with my boys and you're at the club with your boys. So you almost like need your life to already include, you know, your social stuff or it's hard to make it work.

• 1:19:03Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  Probably, I don't know. Maybe there's a better way that I don't know about.

• 1:19:07Speaker 05

  I mean, it makes sense, like especially when you have people with like similar interests, similar careers, whatever, like you naturally gravitate toward each other.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz otherwise, I mean, then otherwise you're just like, I never, like everything is just in a like on a treadmill.

• 1:19:22Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:19:22Speaker 06

  Oh, and you're not learning from that at all?

• 1:19:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:26Speaker 06

  Now with it, do you learn more from when you bomb or when you do a good show?

• 1:19:33Speaker 01

  Hmm, probably when you, well, if you're working on a joke, you, when you, it does get, I don't know if learning is the right word, but yeah, probably learning more from your bomb. But it would be like anything, I would say there's a depreciating returns, you know what I mean? Like you wouldn't be just like, whoa, I've just been bombing for 10 weeks straight. I'm really learning.

• 1:19:54Speaker 05

  Every learning is so fucking hard. Nobody laughed last night.

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  I don't think you learn if it's going on for 10 weeks from the bad setup.

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  Just non-stop learning for 15 years.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  You're gonna look like fucking Yakub with the joint.

• 1:20:12Speaker 05

  I've learned so much.

• 1:20:13Speaker 03

  So much.

• 1:20:14Speaker 05

  The worst comic ever.

• 1:20:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, your buddy, your buddy has a good set taking a night off, I assume?

• 1:20:20Speaker 05

  What do you consider like the life cycle for a joke? Like, how, how long will you run?

• 1:20:24Speaker 01

  These days, it's, it's, it's for people that are kind of like in the game where you're, you know, touring and then you want to come back to that place with a new hour. It's like, it's different now than it was 10 years ago. It really is like you put together this hour, you kind of, over the course of a year and a half to, two years, you know, probably tops, and then you record it and then you start again. Which is, that's, that's the part that's torture. Like, when you're talking about what sucks, what sucks is going and doing an hour where you're like, I have maybe like eight minutes. And you're just like, walking the plank when you don't have to. It's probably, I guess it would be like a fighter fighting with like his arms tied behind his back or something. You're just like, I could kill this guy. It's kind of, uh, that's, that's the part that, that's just cycle moves like fast right now.

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  Because you kind of, that's the expectation, but you're like, oh, I have to, you want to put out specials and then you, also you want to go back to a place with like a new app, like new act where they, you know, didn't just kind of see you do that already. So that cycle, like, that's the part that stinks. But yeah, so the life cycle, depending on where it was in that, you know, maximum two years.

• 1:21:29Speaker 05

  Cause I guess that's the interesting part about comedy now, like you're outside looking in, is that so many people record like, you know, their best, they, everybody wants to do like a good reel or a good short or something like that. And you take some of your best material because you want to put your best foot forward, but you're also robbing yourself of your best jokes for a live show. So like, where do you find that balance?

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Well, it, sometimes you can put it out like at the beginning and then it kind of keeps getting better and then you're almost putting it out at the end too. I have noticed that people care less than you think, you know, where all kind of, you know, you toil over like, should I, you know?

• 1:22:04Speaker 05

  It's just about reusing? They want to hear the greatest hits type shit?

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, you start, you kind of, you do think a little bit more than other people do where it's like, well, if I burn this, then it's done and, and it's obviously the best joke in the world. So how could I do, and then, you know, you kind of put it out and then I put it on my special and like, no one says anything.

• 1:22:22Speaker 05

  I mean, look at the donkey story.

• 1:22:23Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, that, we've repeated that one for every, I mean, since the, the second tour started, we've done that same joke. The only time we actually were feel for, and it's an actual good question.

• 1:22:37Speaker 01

  You don't want to tell it a third time?

• 1:22:38Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:22:39Speaker 05

  It's not his story to tell. Explain it a little bit, like our buddy Zach, like veteran with the signs, telling a story essentially about, forgive me YouTube audience.

• 1:22:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I'm sorry for making them do that.

• 1:22:51Speaker 05

  A deployment to Afghanistan where him and his buddies are watching a bunch of potential insurgents sodomize a donkey. And we acted out live on stage, which is like, it's, it's.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  You guys go in the two man donkey costume?

• 1:23:04Speaker 06

  Oh, thank God we don't, but poor Richard angry. Close Rich. The donkey every time. So we have that story.

• 1:23:10Speaker 05

  It's pretty aggressive. It's pretty aggressive, but it's, it's still funny.

• 1:23:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:14Speaker 06

  You know, people love it, but when we did the Iowa show, we did a show back to back.

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  And some of the people stayed for both.

• 1:23:22Speaker 06

  Forty percent. So we changed. So we changed in literally everything. We were also shit wrecked. It was a hundred percent. We were drunk as shit at that point. So the second show changed completely. And you get to see that interaction. Oh man, I thought you would do the same set over. This is a completely new set. And then it's like, oh no.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  And they would have been fine with it, you think?

• 1:23:43Speaker 06

  We don't know. They love the second set. They love the.

• 1:23:45Speaker 01

  You'd be in your own head, dude. I'll say, I try to.

• 1:23:48Speaker 06

  Well, no, I told the guys out there, it was like first or second show because we were so shit wrecked. And I was like, second show killed more, I believe. And then we started asking the audience, like, second show was fuck.

• 1:24:00Speaker 05

  We just took your word for it.

• 1:24:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, dude, the second show, like everyone fucking like, like even Jake and everyone that was there on our side. They're like, holy shit, you guys killed that second set. And it was drunk, not giving a fuck. Oh, we gotta put on something new for the audience. Oh, it worked? Have you done that in comedy where you have to do a back to back show?

• 1:24:20Speaker 05

  Hmm. Okay.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  I mean, in the city, I'll, I'll be like talking to the, the, if I do a club and they're like, oh yeah, we're gonna have the same audience stay. I'm just like, can you not?

• 1:24:29Speaker 06

  That's why I like.

• 1:24:30Speaker 01

  Tell them to beat it. Like, what are we doing here?

• 1:24:33Speaker 06

  How does that go?

• 1:24:33Speaker 01

  I wouldn't do it. I would, if I.

• 1:24:35Speaker 06

  You're like, no, fuck off.

• 1:24:36Speaker 01

  No, I mean, if I was in the city and I'm like, hey, I'm like, we've been waiting all day. I have this like new thing I'm like working on. And then I was like, okay, I'm gonna do these two shows at this place. And they're like, oh, most of the audience is staying. And I'd be just like, okay, I'm leaving to go somewhere else. Cause I'm like, well, there's no point. At my audience, like if I'm doing my hour, like, no, I don't have a backup hour that I'm doing right now.

• 1:24:56Speaker 05

  Which is crazy.

• 1:24:58Speaker 01

  This is a quick backup hour.

• 1:24:59Speaker 05

  That was my question. So you're, obviously your special is an hour. Do you, like, do you do an hour every time? Or is it like, you know, like, oh, every time? It's, you're never like, oh, let me pop up for 10 minutes.

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  Oh, in the city. Yeah, yeah. Cities.

• 1:25:13Speaker 05

  When you say the city, do you mean New York City?

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  Any city. Like, there's, I mean, any city that has like a.

• 1:25:19Speaker 05

  Where you're not headlining.

• 1:25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, non-headliner clubs. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:22Speaker 05

  Oh, okay. For example, tonight in San Antonio, you're gonna do an hour?

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:25Speaker 05

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:25:26Speaker 01

  Or more, like, yeah, hour.

• 1:25:27Speaker 05

  No shit.

• 1:25:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:28Speaker 05

  Okay, God. Yeah, see, that's so intimidating to me. Like, to stand up in front of an audience, just to see a people and just, if you bomb 15 minutes in.

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  Okay, but Noah, you said you have that, like, one story that you say works every time, right?

• 1:25:39Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:25:39Speaker 01

  Okay, now imagine you had 85 of those. Like, would it now be intimidating? Like, or now you'd be like, well, no, I have these 85 things that I say that, like, work.

• 1:25:48Speaker 05

  At least in my mind, and I know it's something that, like you said, that there's a, there's a big, you know, the learning curve's fucking crazy. Once you get good at it, you're good at it. But like, at least to me, because I don't have people to, to bounce stuff off of. That would be very intimidating to me.

• 1:26:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. You know, one of the hardest things right now, probably period, is people that are trying to put together like a live performance while they're like, popular and running their business. Cause it's like, it almost requires seven years or five to seven years of like, this is all that I didn't thought about, you know? But that's, that's to be like a stand-up, to be competent where you're like, doing your live performance with your boys and what's funny and we add stuff like, you know, that's maybe not, that's not that, you know?

• 1:26:30Speaker 05

  To be fair, I feel, I feel like that's, that's probably proficiency in anything, though. You know, you, you've got to just dedicate so much time to it. Cause especially like, how many people start out in comedy versus how many people succeed in comedy?

• 1:26:40Speaker 01

  Okay, but the reason I, I like, I'm not even trying to put comedy higher, but I describe it as, if you think of, if you were a really, really good football player, runner, right? And you started playing basketball, and you're like, you know, 15 years old, you start, probably in two years, you're gonna be pretty good. Like, if you're the best football player, right? You go, stand-up's more like you started playing hockey. You're like, we can't skate, you know? So if you're like the best football player, you were a track star and you start playing basketball, it's pretty likely in a couple of years, you're also gonna be really good at basketball.

• 1:27:10Speaker 05

  So that's why so many Canadians.

• 1:27:12Speaker 01

  You're not gonna be that good in two years.

• 1:27:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's why so many Canadians are comedians.

• 1:27:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of Canadian convenience. The reason, the hockey now.

• 1:27:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, see now that makes sense. All right, I get it.

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  Basically, all you gotta know is that mic is like a puck, you know, and you're just trying to put it in the put it in the other end of the night and just get fucking two points up on the scoreboard and have a good time out there, boys.

• 1:27:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, no need to get gay about it.

• 1:27:38Speaker 01

  You don't need to get all hockey. Have you seen the new hockey show, Heated Rivalry? You guys haven't seen that?

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  It's the number one show right now.

• 1:27:46Speaker 02

  You're talking two Mexicans.

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  It's not hitting your algorithm?

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  The only Canadian show I'm aware of is Kenny versus Spenny.

• 1:27:52Speaker 01

  Ah, those guys are good. I'm friends with Kenny Oats, yeah.

• 1:27:54Speaker 02

  No shit. Hell, yeah. Yeah, neither of them knows.

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  Legendary show.

• 1:27:58Speaker 02

  I'm talking about great Canadian show.

• 1:28:00Speaker 01

  Well, hockey is getting sort of popular in America, but this was, this is a show that's popular in America, but it's funny because it's a hockey show and it's essentially the two stars of each team are in like a gay relationship.

• 1:28:13Speaker 01

  And it's popular not with hockey fans.

• 1:28:16Speaker 02

  I can't imagine why.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  It's literally like Sidney Crosby and Ovechkin are like fucking after the game.

• 1:28:25Speaker 01

  It's a hilarious show.

• 1:28:27Speaker 03

  Great candidate.

• 1:28:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:29Speaker 02

  Making it the second gay show next to actual hockey.

• 1:28:34Speaker 01

  But yeah, it's like kind of a hit and it's sort of, you know, I guess girls like it or something.

• 1:28:38Speaker 03

  It's taken off right now. I've never heard of this show.

• 1:28:41Speaker 01

  Oh, it's so funny, but and I mean, I'm kind of saying inside hockey stuff, but I'm not the biggest talking about hockey guy, but you guys have made me feel like I am.

• 1:28:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Never heard it brought up ever before, aside from Canadians.

• 1:28:56Speaker 01

  Fine, fair enough. I feel like I know New York guys that are into hockey, like the Rangers, people are always going.

• 1:29:01Speaker 03

  Sounds like a very white.

• 1:29:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's cold as shit.

• 1:29:05Speaker 03

  You're sitting next to two Mexicans.

• 1:29:08Speaker 01

  What are you like baseball or something?

• 1:29:12Speaker 01

  How about them Blue Jays then, huh?

• 1:29:14Speaker 02

  Now, me and Eli had stickball.

• 1:29:17Speaker 03

  Stickball.

• 1:29:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, soccer with no shoes.

• 1:29:20Speaker 03

  Moe and Yar.

• 1:29:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, mowing yards Olympics?

• 1:29:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:26Speaker 05

  Our favorite sport was paying rent.

• 1:29:29Speaker 01

  Are you Mexican too?

• 1:29:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 1:29:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:29:31Speaker 05

  What'd you think he was?

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  Well, I thought like, I guess a Spanish, some type of Spanish. So I, that's sort of Mexican, right?

• 1:29:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, got some German, mostly Hispanic, and then I've got that Lebanese nose that gets me stopped at airports.

• 1:29:44Speaker 01

  A little Middle Eastern, yeah, the midsection of the face.

• 1:29:49Speaker 05

  The midsection of the face?

• 1:29:54Speaker 05

  It's like, ah, excuse me, sir, you look randomly selected. It's my professional racism. One of the first times I met Brandon, I, I, I go, you got a little Lebanese nose. You're part Lebanese.

• 1:30:06Speaker 01

  You nailed it?

• 1:30:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:30:07Speaker 02

  He did immediately.

• 1:30:08Speaker 05

  Very good at being racist.

• 1:30:10Speaker 02

  I was like, who told you? Like, that's like, no, I saw it in your bone structure.

• 1:30:15Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 1:30:16Speaker 02

  Now it's just broken.

• 1:30:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, thanks, Eli.

• 1:30:21Speaker 01

  So you got everything, Lebanese, Mexican, and what'd you say, German?

• 1:30:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, uh, German. My, my great grandmother was actually a World War Two civilian in Germany. So she grew up in Mannheim. She was actually a former podcast guest.

• 1:30:35Speaker 01

  Is that what she told you? Civilian?

• 1:30:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, civilian. She was there at the parades.

• 1:30:43Speaker 01

  Brandon's like.

• 1:30:43Speaker 05

  I. Oh, the song. Talk, tell the story about the song. Okay, so I, I love my oma to death. She's, uh, 92 years old now. She genuinely grew up in a German city like during World War Two, and that's amazing stories, like just an amazing woman. Uh, just telling like that, that entire time period in history. But I fucked with her one time and I feel kind of bad about this.

• 1:31:07Speaker 05

  I started playing, what we, I, I took her on like an eight hour road trip, uh, down to Orlando, Florida. So meeting up with some more family members of mine. Uh, so I grabbed her, we drove down, we're like four or five hours into the road trip. Uh, it's just me and her. And then I played that, uh, it's like a German marching song from World War Two. It's called Erica.

• 1:31:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:29Speaker 05

  You know, everybody knows it is like, it's like the German song from World War Two.

• 1:31:35Speaker 05

  Just to see, cause I've, you know, phones on the aux core. I'm like, ah, I'm curious to see how you respond to this. She started singing the words in fluent German.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:31:44Speaker 05

  And then she told me a story I had never heard and I'm like so glad I did it because I was just fucking with her a little bit. I'm like, ah, curious. She started singing along. She said, I used to sing this song when I was a kid because her name is Erica.

• 1:31:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:59Speaker 05

  And she said that she she's like, I would watch the GIs. It's just the the word that she knew is, you know, soldiers, whatever, marching on the street. Like, I would watch the GIs. They'd march by singing the song. And every time they said Erica, I would say, that's me. And she's like, nine years old.

• 1:32:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:14Speaker 05

  But yeah, no, just a street full of, you know, Nazi, you know, World War Two German soldiers walking by.

• 1:32:19Speaker 01

  Wild.

• 1:32:19Speaker 05

  It's just crazy to hear the experience of somebody like growing up in that time period and just, I mean, God, the thing she had to go through was crazy.

• 1:32:26Speaker 01

  I bet, yeah. My actual great grandfather fought in World War One for Canada.

• 1:32:33Speaker 05

  No shit. Oh, dude, the World War One Canadians.

• 1:32:36Speaker 02

  The World War One Canadians went crazy.

• 1:32:39Speaker 05

  The Canadians of World War One, like, were the reason some of the rules of warfare were written.

• 1:32:43Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:32:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. You guys were rough.

• 1:32:47Speaker 05

  You guys were gnarly.

• 1:32:48Speaker 01

  Interesting. I didn't know that.

• 1:32:50Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:32:50Speaker 05

  Wait, what?

• 1:32:51Speaker 01

  What was he up to over there?

• 1:32:53Speaker 02

  Oh, they were cleaning up trenches. Were they using all the fun gases? So the Germans, or, yeah, the Germans were in their trenches and they were like, oh, we all have to follow the rules of war. And the Canadians showed up and they were like, what are rules of war?

• 1:33:12Speaker 01

  Because at this point, it was probably a bunch of like trash Irish people, too.

• 1:33:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, just showed up. Welcome to Canada.

• 1:33:19Speaker 05

  What was the, I know there's a story about the grenades. Yeah, about like how they would talk and this, I don't know if this is real or not.

• 1:33:26Speaker 02

  They were all about the food, the food cans.

• 1:33:29Speaker 05

  They were tossing over cans of food in the enemy trenches. And so they'd all like, bunch up because they're all starving.

• 1:33:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:35Speaker 05

  So they're just, oh, okay, cool.

• 1:33:37Speaker 02

  The Canadians from their trenches were chucking over cans of food over to the German lines over and over and over again. So the Germans were all bunch up because they're starving.

• 1:33:46Speaker 05

  Pavlo's dog.

• 1:33:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then day six.

• 1:33:51Speaker 02

  They chuck over a can of food with a fucking grenade and all the journalists.

• 1:33:55Speaker 05

  A bunch of hand grenades.

• 1:33:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not part of the Geneva Convention, eh?

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  Not well, it was prior to.

• 1:34:03Speaker 06

  Would also think you are in this time period without the age of information and then they're trying to pitch this rules of war. Where people are trying.

• 1:34:13Speaker 01

  Telephoning a rule of war.

• 1:34:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then it's like, no, dude, you know, you have to kill them the right way. Refuck it with me. In the right, you're with me.

• 1:34:21Speaker 05

  In the words of Patrick Swayze from the 1984 Red Dawn, Geneva, I ain't never heard of it.

• 1:34:30Speaker 06

  It's the hardest shit to wrap your mind around, especially in that timeframe. I just, I would have done the same. It's like, oh, just fucking throw.

• 1:34:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, usually like I found a good way to kill some people.

• 1:34:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:34:39Speaker 05

  I don't know how to tell you this, but.

• 1:34:41Speaker 06

  Tunica grenade.

• 1:34:43Speaker 05

  A lot of people thought the same thing after the Geneva Convention and did that.

• 1:34:46Speaker 06

  It's still going.

• 1:34:47Speaker 02

  The Aussies in, uh,

• 1:34:51Speaker 02

  where'd they fight? It was a big battle in, uh,

• 1:34:55Speaker 02

  the Mediterranean. World War One, yeah. Uh, the Aussies were in.

• 1:35:01Speaker 05

  We were just talking about it the other night.

• 1:35:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, it wasn't Gallipoli. Somebody.

• 1:35:05Speaker 05

  Turn about Swiss Alps?

• 1:35:06Speaker 02

  No, well, the, that's a different story, but in, uh, the Battle of Gallipoli and comments will correct me because I'm wrong. But they were, uh, they were dropping, uh, cigarettes with, uh, leaflets. And they were like, you know, surrender to the Brits. This is a battle. It's not worth fighting for. You shouldn't be dying for your government, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And the Ottomans were like, oh, free cigarettes. And they did that over and over and over and over again for like six weeks over the course of this entire, you know, long-term campaign. So it's like six weeks in and boom, here comes the package. And everybody's like, oh, here are the fucking British propaganda cigarettes again.

• 1:35:51Speaker 02

  They had laced them with opium.

• 1:35:53Speaker 06

  Huh.

• 1:35:54Speaker 02

  So all the Ottomans smoked these cigarettes and were like, I'm really fucking sleepy. I'm just gonna sick of fucking nap.

• 1:36:03Speaker 02

  Went to bed and I think it was, it was either the Brits or the Aussies just like rolled over the front lines and everybody was asleep and they captured like 60,000 fucking soldiers.

• 1:36:13Speaker 05

  Plot twist, it made them impossible to bayonet to death. They won't die, damn it.

• 1:36:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fine, man.

• 1:36:21Speaker 01

  It's wild, yeah.

• 1:36:22Speaker 02

  Warfare is so wild.

• 1:36:23Speaker 05

  I mean, you know, the, the whole thing about the like the

• 1:36:25Speaker 01

  What are some of the war crimes you did?

• 1:36:30Speaker 08

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:36:59Speaker 02

  He's told those stories before, allegedly.

• 1:37:04Speaker 05

  They've all been cut from the podcast. Well, you know, like the whole like drip rifle stuff, right?

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:37:09Speaker 05

  I think that was also the Australians, but I'm not sure.

• 1:37:11Speaker 02

  That was the Australians at Gallipoli with the piss cans?

• 1:37:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, where they would just basically they, um, they were trying to retreat and so they were trying to like show that they were still there on the front lines, like occasionally taking pop shots while they withdrew all of their troops. And so they had set up rifles with

• 1:37:28Speaker 01

  They would shoot?

• 1:37:29Speaker 05

  Well, they had like a, uh, like essentially a water bottle, uh, with a can below it that they would have a steady drip stream going. And when it got heavy enough from dripping, it would pull the trigger of the rifle. So like sporadically throughout the night, they had a couple hundred rifles that were just firing off shots.

• 1:37:48Speaker 02

  They had retreated.

• 1:37:49Speaker 01

  While they're leaving.

• 1:37:50Speaker 05

  While they're pulling their guys out.

• 1:37:52Speaker 01

  Smart.

• 1:37:53Speaker 02

  They all pissed in oil cans, yeah. That's fucking wild. See, I don't even know that story.

• 1:37:57Speaker 05

  This is all stuff that Nick could tell better.

• 1:38:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:38:00Speaker 05

  But he's got to be in Iowa.

• 1:38:01Speaker 02

  Nick's in Iowa. Let me open up my notes for YouTube videos.

• 1:38:07Speaker 01

  Tell this exact

• 1:38:08Speaker 02

  Ideas I stole from Nick.

• 1:38:12Speaker 06

  Type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type.

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, when I, that's when I grew up, I knew one guy that like joined the army in my entire life. Isn't that like crazy, the difference? Like I would imagine you guys probably knew a bunch, right?

• 1:38:27Speaker 06

  I mean, three people at the podcast are veterans or did something with.

• 1:38:32Speaker 01

  Like one guy that I went to high school with that out of all of my extended network, I knew one guy that went and joined the army.

• 1:38:40Speaker 06

  That's wild to me.

• 1:38:42Speaker 05

  I guess it greatly depends on where you grew up. Like I grew up Fort Bragg. So like everybody, like all of my friends dads were all like, you know, Green Berets or, you know, Rangers or whatever. So.

• 1:38:52Speaker 06

  But you're also in the US. Like how much of, how much do we spend on the military each year?

• 1:38:57Speaker 05

  A good bit.

• 1:38:59Speaker 06

  Yeah. It's a good career path. Once you get.

• 1:39:02Speaker 01

  Some people I used to say that like the, the, actually one guy my brother knew, he was like, I went there, but the, I think a lot of times of the Canadian army would go like, train the Taliban or no, train the Afghanistan people to then just go get the shit kicked out of the Taliban.

• 1:39:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:39:19Speaker 01

  They would spend like three years training them and then they were just run out there.

• 1:39:22Speaker 05

  We never did that either.

• 1:39:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, we never trained the AA or the IA.

• 1:39:26Speaker 01

  Did you do training?

• 1:39:28Speaker 05

  Oh, no, no, I was, I was never in. I was talking about the American, like, was it ANA?

• 1:39:32Speaker 06

  IA and then AA. So you have the IAS Iraqi Army, AA is the Afghan Army.

• 1:39:38Speaker 01

  But it's interesting. You're just like, a lot of times you're just like the army and you're just training, you're supposed to train them. You're training like a guy that was, you know, was a cashier two years ago.

• 1:39:46Speaker 06

  Yeah. And you're training these individuals that haven't, you think, okay, what is the dumbest private I have? And how hard was it to train him with weapons or anything?

• 1:39:55Speaker 05

  The jumping jack footage.

• 1:39:56Speaker 06

  That is all you have to go to is, okay, now I need you guys to do this. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Crazy. We're doing that. And you get to watch the struggle of the, their life. And then now it's like, oh, I have to lead these individuals into combat.

• 1:40:16Speaker 05

  Have you seen?

• 1:40:16Speaker 06

  You have an Afghan army story.

• 1:40:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then the monkey bars.

• 1:40:21Speaker 05

  Oh, the ISIS monkey bar.

• 1:40:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, Shane Gillis talking about, he's like, dude, they were in flip flops. They're posting their videos of them on monkey bars like they're the kings of the combat. I wanna fuck with them. Terrifying.

• 1:40:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're taking like a bunch of random farmers and you're just like wanna be a militia and they're like, I guess we have no choice.

• 1:40:43Speaker 06

  And you're doing the best you can with it. And then you see how much they hate each other and you're like, oh, oh, okay. Well, war crimes weren't even gonna, okay, you guys are gonna do that on your own.

• 1:40:56Speaker 05

  Did you, did you guys see stuff like that where you're just like?

• 1:40:58Speaker 06

  You can't do anything. A lot of that stuff is against, like, you're like, hey, okay, hey, we just did this ambush. We have these individuals alive. And we need you to arrest them and do whatever you're going to do. And then you see fear enter the guys we arrested eyes because they're like, fuck. Whoa, they're.

• 1:41:17Speaker 01

  Oh, the Americans play by the rules more.

• 1:41:19Speaker 06

  We are. Yeah, exactly. It's like those guys are just going to kill us. There, there is no, they're not gonna interrogate and they're gonna let us out. All that's gone now.

• 1:41:27Speaker 05

  I guess it's kind of like World War Two Germany where it's like, oh, well, you can surrender to the Americans or you can surrender to the Russians.

• 1:41:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:33Speaker 05

  It's like, huh, guess which one you want to surrender to.

• 1:41:36Speaker 06

  And that's what was happening a lot of times. It's like, okay, cool. Hey, IPs, even Iraqi police is like, hey, we got these guys. We rounded them up, fucking take care, do whatever you want. It's like, okay. They're excited. And then you see fear. It's like, whoa, we're not getting arrested by you guys. It's like, oh, no, we don't give a fuck. Like you. Man, we're letting you all internally handle this.

• 1:41:58Speaker 01

  Family business.

• 1:41:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, and it's just like, Mr. Mr. No, no, they're not good guys. Homie, you're just trying to kill us.

• 1:42:06Speaker 05

  Was there like some animosity on that where you're just like, no, no, you were just shooting at my boys. Like, fuck off. I don't care what happens.

• 1:42:12Speaker 06

  We didn't even look at like at that time. It's just so ingrained. Like getting shot at was no big deal. As long as you didn't hit one of us. It's like when you hit one of us. I got. Again, you're in so many gunfights, like you do not get, oh, I got in a gunfight. You shot him. I don't give a fuck. Like. I've seen, you're team B, I'm team A. Fucking team P lost. No animosity. It was nothing past that. And that's how now we're handing you to Team C. Have fun. But if, well. And Team C is gonna probably kill you, but because they said they're not going to, but hey, we're just handing it off. That's literally how that is over there. Yeah. Team C signed the paperwork. They're not gonna fucking murder you. So we're good. Yeah. Yeah. Or you're dropping off Team B back where like the most we would do is, okay, hey, we grabbed a bad guy.

• 1:42:56Speaker 06

  We interrogated. There was no proof or anything. We found wires. We found copper. We found anything that's not like actual warheads. Okay. Well, just drop them back off and you just drive them. You escort them and then you're really kind when you drop them off to their neighborhood. Dude, thank you so much. Here's some water. Appreciate everything you've done.

• 1:43:15Speaker 06

  Now, what does everyone that views that interaction look like? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so you just talked. Yeah. Even though we didn't do anything, we just handed water and said, hey, thank you for everything. Thank you for supporting the American troops. And now, I don't know what happened. Like, that's it. You follow the rules though. We really get to following the rules. War is weird. It's the best way you can.

• 1:43:39Speaker 01

  Do you look back at being in the army? Like, that was kind of fun or like, not, I don't know if fun is the right word, like fondly? Or do you look back being like, that was fucked?

• 1:43:48Speaker 06

  Well, dude, Dakota was the best example when he was on because he, he got an incident. He's like, man, indie individual that was like, oh, I missed the gunfights. I don't miss all that. But you probably weren't in a lot of gunfights. The second you're in a gunfight, that's an instant, oh, this is not as much fun as you would think it is. This sucks. Actually, this is what I thought. Jumping out of helicopters, jumping out of planes, getting into gunfights. War would be an amazing thing. It's an experience everyone should have. Goes out the window after like round one gets close to you like. Turns out when you leave the two minute highlight reel, it's.

• 1:44:27Speaker 06

  And especially when it's like, hey, you're getting shot at and now you have to run towards said gunfire. And you're like, why? We could stay in this vehicle. It's protecting it pretty well. It's just peeing off of it. No, you're dropping ramps and you're running toward it.

• 1:44:41Speaker 05

  But I mean.

• 1:44:44Speaker 06

  Oh, we're going now. Okay, let's do this thing.

• 1:44:46Speaker 05

  I guess something, I guess what he's hitting at that I don't think I've ever even asked you as a friend is, what's the element of the army or being deployed that you miss the most? I know there's the camaraderie aspect of it, but.

• 1:44:58Speaker 06

  You're lit. It's protecting your own. It's being there for your friends. That level of friendship, brotherhood, you will never find anywhere else. Cause these are individuals that will lay down their life.

• 1:45:09Speaker 02

  Related to the fact that you were potentially going to die at any moment?

• 1:45:13Speaker 06

  Yeah. And it's, I would put my life in front of my own for my buddy. That is very hard to have anywhere else. It's why I get along like, you, you, you guys get to see like those guys, Eli Crane, or like how fast we just get along. And that's why it's that, oh, you've done that same, you've had that same experience. You've put your life and you, you gave two shits about yours because you cared more about the people next to you. You're left.

• 1:45:40Speaker 05

  So you, you may not have been in my trench, but you were in a trench.

• 1:45:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:45:44Speaker 05

  And you.

• 1:45:44Speaker 01

  I always find Gibbs from NCIS always has a special bond with other military men.

• 1:45:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, thank you. That's a great.

• 1:45:51Speaker 03

  Welcome to the comedy podcast. Unsubscribe the comedy podcast.

• 1:45:56Speaker 05

  It's probably the most.

• 1:45:57Speaker 03

  Featuring comedian Ryan Long.

• 1:46:00Speaker 05

  It's probably the most comedy oriented, oriented podcast we've had in a while, even though it's technically a comedy podcast.

• 1:46:05Speaker 06

  You just hit it with those.

• 1:46:06Speaker 03

  Ryan, tell us a story about the time you were shot at.

• 1:46:11Speaker 01

  Me and Streets of Ajax Ontario.

• 1:46:13Speaker 06

  Well, you are from Toronto.

• 1:46:14Speaker 01

  They did have, uh, my high school did have, uh,

• 1:46:17Speaker 06

  Oh, no.

• 1:46:17Speaker 01

  There was a bunch of shootings in the front. So you have to do metal detectors. And then we had a bunch of bullet holes in our front door for a while.

• 1:46:24Speaker 05

  You had Mexicans?

• 1:46:25Speaker 01

  I'll tell you one.

• 1:46:27Speaker 06

  No, the other kind.

• 1:46:30Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. You think, you think Mexicans walked all the way up to Toronto, Canada? They got to Los Angeles and said, probably take a nap.

• 1:46:39Speaker 03

  He's cold.

• 1:46:41Speaker 01

  They don't even make it up to New York usually.

• 1:46:42Speaker 05

  So I just kept on walking past the southern border.

• 1:46:47Speaker 01

  You think they Forrest Gumped up to New York? There was a, there was a guy at my school that um held up a teacher at gunpoint, but he was like kind of a guy we were friends with. And we used to have these notes you could write to get people out of school, like a doctor's notes we stole. And our my boy, uh, there was in the band, actually, he, he wrote this guy a note to get him out of school that he then used to hold up the teacher and then there was a, the helicopter chase to this guy and then got him in his house. Then they eventually arrested him. I got in jail forever, but.

• 1:47:18Speaker 05

  He was in your band, you said?

• 1:47:19Speaker 01

  No, no, the guy who was in my band uh was my boy.

• 1:47:22Speaker 05

  Oh, gave him the note.

• 1:47:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he, the guy who did it was kind of like a buddy. Yeah. Not like in the squad, but he was like.

• 1:47:29Speaker 05

  Six degrees from Kevin Bacon.

• 1:47:31Speaker 01

  Put it this way, he, we knew him enough to have, he had a nickname.

• 1:47:35Speaker 03

  What did he tell the teacher?

• 1:47:38Speaker 01

  No, he came to the, he went to some other teacher, got a, had a note that I'm not in school. And then for some reason went to, we had these things called portables, which is these little like outside of the school, they're little fake classrooms. And then went, took another teacher and was like, I want your first money and shit like that.

• 1:47:53Speaker 05

  Like a double wide or like, what was it? Like a trailer type thing?

• 1:47:56Speaker 01

  They kind of are like trailers, but they're not on wheels. Yeah. It's called a portable, but it would be, I guess if you went to like.

• 1:48:03Speaker 05

  Like a manufactured.

• 1:48:03Speaker 01

  You know, when you see in Africa and they have like a little schoolhouse? We have like outside of our school, they need to expand the school. They don't have enough rooms. So they have like 40 of these like little mini schools.

• 1:48:11Speaker 03

  For poverty.

• 1:48:13Speaker 01

  Well, it's just because they don't have any more room. You know what I mean? And that's what they make these, you know, they add these things.

• 1:48:17Speaker 03

  They have more room, but they don't have a budget. Yeah, poor neighborhood. We'll stand this up, we'll call it.

• 1:48:25Speaker 01

  These things are pretty, I don't know. I guess you probably have a different name for them. You ever have that? Like where there's, you have your school and then they have a bunch of like little outside.

• 1:48:32Speaker 05

  Oh yeah. No, I spent second grade in a single wide. Yeah.

• 1:48:35Speaker 01

  Single wide. Okay. That's what you call it.

• 1:48:37Speaker 05

  Little trailers outside. What's up?

• 1:48:39Speaker 03

  You were homeschooled.

• 1:48:39Speaker 05

  Last three years.

• 1:48:41Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:48:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. Just, just the last three years.

• 1:48:44Speaker 01

  Like your mom?

• 1:48:45Speaker 05

  Uh, it wasn't like my parents, but like mostly it's uh like they get like a, like a curriculum, like you, you, you'll buy a curriculum where like, that's where I learned like uh, instead of going to the public school, I like did three years homeschooling. So I learned like speech and debate. I learned, you know, finance. I learned business and a bunch of other things. Instead of learning what I'd learned in public school, which is that I was gay.

• 1:49:07Speaker 01

  You had to learn that in the real world.

• 1:49:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Right. That was hard earned is what that was. So correct me if I'm wrong, Ryan, but Toronto is like the Chicago of Canada, is it not?

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  Like in terms of, uh, it's pretty dangerous?

• 1:49:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, fairly dangerous. Yeah.

• 1:49:20Speaker 02

  It's expensive and dangerous.

• 1:49:22Speaker 01

  It takes a certain type of guy. I'm like that, though.

• 1:49:24Speaker 02

  Oh, shut the fuck up.

• 1:49:25Speaker 01

  I'm that guy, though. You know what I'm saying? So depends who you are. Obviously, you'd have trouble there, but you know what I'm saying?

• 1:49:32Speaker 02

  Well, it's Canada crime. It doesn't count.

• 1:49:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was getting, it was getting pretty wild.

• 1:49:36Speaker 02

  Like, maybe don't do that, eh? You're all right. Hey, buddy.

• 1:49:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's definitely, I think, uh, I think after I left, like carjackings where they went real light on carjacking. So it was just like everyone was getting stolen. Kind of the craziest thing. I don't know if you've ever heard like the accent that like the people have in Toronto where like y'all for real know what? This weird kind of like gangster accent, but.

• 1:49:55Speaker 02

  No, I have no idea.

• 1:49:56Speaker 01

  Canadian accent? Toronto accent. Big on TikTok. Look at it.

• 1:49:59Speaker 02

  It's cute as hell. It's so cute.

• 1:50:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, I knew someone would know it. It's like, I got popular. You know what I mean?

• 1:50:04Speaker 02

  Could you try to do the best representation of it?

• 1:50:07Speaker 01

  I can do it. Good. Yo, honestly, dog? Yo, for real? Yo, Mens is actually crazy, eh? Yo, Crody, don't fucking talk to me like that, eh? If that's what it is. That's pretty good, right? So this dude like held up kind of like an old woman and shot her for her car. Cause she ended up some, something happened. He shot her and then he was on the run. And then he was making TikTok videos being like, yo, I didn't even want it to go down like that, eh? Yo, I'm kind of mad that I shot that old lady still, but.

• 1:50:36Speaker 02

  Are you fucking shitting me?

• 1:50:37Speaker 01

  No, this is like four months ago.

• 1:50:39Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. You sound like a Mexican Canadian.

• 1:50:42Speaker 01

  It's a mix of like Jamaican and whatever else.

• 1:50:46Speaker 02

  But wait, they banned handgun sales in Canada. How does that? How's that possible?

• 1:50:50Speaker 01

  You're saying how do the criminals get guns if they're legal?

• 1:50:52Speaker 02

  That's crazy. No one knows. No one knows. This should. Ryan heads exposed. This should be studied.

• 1:51:00Speaker 01

  Excuse me? You're not even supposed to have that?

• 1:51:03Speaker 02

  Um, actually, that's a. That's a good flaw. That's illegal and I think you'll know that it's actually very impolite for you to have that handgun here. Eh, I don't mean to be that guy, eh? But if you like, just if you walk away, like I won't tell the, the Mounties that you got that.

• 1:51:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can both walk away, but.

• 1:51:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. Having they're stealing a car. I didn't, you don't point out like, buddy, I mean, you're the one that's in trouble.

• 1:51:30Speaker 01

  We both got problems because I don't know if you ever had the charter, but that you're you're in some hot water there.

• 1:51:37Speaker 05

  Turn it up. Oh, my God. The the British cops like stop or I'll yell stop again.

• 1:51:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I've New York feels a little more dangerous than Toronto. Toronto is probably like only certain areas. New York feels a little wilder. Like if you're on subways in New York, it feels wilder than. Yeah.

• 1:51:57Speaker 05

  You feel like there's just not enough like shit oversight.

• 1:52:00Speaker 01

  Like.

• 1:52:01Speaker 05

  Like just are people overseeing like the crime stuff or like there's more more law enforcement in Toronto or.

• 1:52:07Speaker 01

  In my New York, outside of my, I lived in the East Village and there would be a fight outside there every day while you're trying to sleep. And then this is like during COVID. I remember people would just start setting up shop. They had like tents and stuff like that. Then the guy who was the bodega guy would get in like a fight with them and then rip down their tents and they'd get in a fight. And then I remember winning on, I went on tour and came back and there's like a big blood splat because someone got like murdered like right in the.

• 1:52:31Speaker 05

  Dear God.

• 1:52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just like crazy shit, you know, there's always people and then there'd be like, there'd be kind of like regulars. That were, you know, this guy had like no shirt on, kind of like jacked black dude, but like not from working out, just jacked because he built like that, you know? And then had like scars all over his face and his back and like some, one day you'd see him and he'd be like, oh, what's up? How you doing? And then the next day you'd see me and be like, you know, fucking like, you know.

• 1:52:57Speaker 05

  Somebody gave him $20.

• 1:53:00Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no. It's like the the forbidden like like seesaw horse or whatever outside of the fucking HEB. It's like, oh, shit, you put 25 cents in the machine. Now it's high.

• 1:53:14Speaker 01

  I remember the first time I got there at a comedy show with this guy Casey Aurora is my buddy. He, I went in New York for. Forty eight hours and I was doing a show at this place that doesn't exist, LOL Comedy Club. And then he went on stage, someone in the audience started like yelling at him like, you know, heckling him, being like, shut up. And he was like, what the, he wants you shut up. And then he gets on stage, tries to like start fight Casey Aurora. The bouncer comes in, huge dude, starts trying to grab him and then he punches the bouncer, big brawl, the woman's involved. And then this goes on for a good like six minutes, huge fight, they stop.

• 1:53:50Speaker 05

  Six minutes is crazy.

• 1:53:52Speaker 01

  Crazy. They stop the show and then police come, everything. And this is like, I'm like, so this is New York comedy, huh? New York comedy is crazy. And, but I, I've never seen that again, but that was like the first day I was there. But you see, I don't know, just cities are, it just kind of becomes like normal, I guess. But you just know, like if someone's on the subway and it's like wild, you're just like, get to the, I just moved to the next car and I'm not trying to.

• 1:54:16Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:54:16Speaker 01

  Get involved.

• 1:54:17Speaker 05

  So that, that actually reminded me a little bit of like the Bill Burr getting confrontational in like Philly. I think it's like the famous example.

• 1:54:24Speaker 01

  Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:26Speaker 05

  Is there a comedian that you kind of look up to? That you're just like, oh, like I love the way they handle shit like that, especially when it comes to like hecklers.

• 1:54:34Speaker 01

  Um, I don't know, but like the number one heckler, the number one heckler guys are probably the like one liner, like guys who have the most one liners. You know, like, like, uh, you know, David Tellis, he's kind of a guy that like everyone loves in New York.

• 1:54:47Speaker 05

  No, I don't know.

• 1:54:48Speaker 01

  And he's, he's like, pretty, pretty, pretty famous guy, but he's kind of like.

• 1:54:51Speaker 05

  Imagine a world where two stereotype of a Jew.

• 1:54:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, comedy seller guy is like super funny. Yeah, you know, he is, but they have like,

• 1:55:00Speaker 01

  the guys who have the most like one liners and they've been doing it for a long time. I feel like anything that happens, they have like a fucking line, the banger lines for it. You know, cause they're just like, you know, it comes to the point where you've been doing it long enough. You're like, oh, I have a line for like every situation and everything.

• 1:55:15Speaker 05

  You got a little book. You're like.

• 1:55:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, your mind is a book, you know, you're like red shirt, I have a red shirt, you know, kind of becomes that, but I don't have a specific, um. Favorite heckler comic. I think Louis is probably still the best comedian alive, probably.

• 1:55:28Speaker 02

  No shit.

• 1:55:29Speaker 01

  That's what I think, yeah.

• 1:55:30Speaker 02

  I've liked a lot of his stuff.

• 1:55:32Speaker 01

  There's a guy in Austin who, um, his name's Kurt Metzger. Do you know Kurt Metzger?

• 1:55:37Speaker 02

  Name sounds very familiar.

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  Um, he actually, he's on Jimmy Dore Show, but I always thought he was, he was one of the first people that I saw that I thought was like doing comedy, like a different way that I was like, oh, that's cool. Like you can just kinda, cause I remember when you, when you first started, you're kind of everyone's, you know, you kind of, there's like five ways that people do comedy. And then I felt like sometimes you see a guy that's just like doing their own thing and it's working and you're kind of like, oh, right. You can kind of like beat, you can beat comedy into you. Where it's like, I'm doing the way that I talk and I sort of, you rejigged it instead of just like fitting a mold of what exists already.

• 1:56:11Speaker 02

  That's why I like people like Norm MacDonald. For example, like he was just, he's a guy who just completely broke the mold of traditional comedy.

• 1:56:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally. You know who, who Norm MacDonald really sucks for? All the other people there that sound like Norm MacDonald.

• 1:56:25Speaker 02

  Everybody else trying to be Norm MacDonald?

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  Or that actually do sound like that. Like that area outside of Ottawa, there's like so many, like there's a few comics that weren't trying to sound like him. They do sound like them.

• 1:56:37Speaker 02

  That's just the way they talk.

• 1:56:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, you go, you go, oh, that guy's doing Norm. You're like, no, they all sound like that.

• 1:56:43Speaker 02

  They just sound like that. Have you, have you listened to his autobiography?

• 1:56:47Speaker 01

  I, I know the one where it's kind of like half fake, half real, right?

• 1:56:50Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh my God. That is my favorite.

• 1:56:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, just him telling his bullshit life story where he's making up half of it.

• 1:56:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:00Speaker 02

  Primo.

• 1:57:00Speaker 01

  But that would, you're right. That is a perfect example of a guy just being like, I'm going to like invent a new way of doing something. I always thought that was really cool.

• 1:57:07Speaker 06

  Dude, Kurt Metzger, like you're not joking. Home, homeboy won an Emmy and a Peabody Award for American Standup Comedian.

• 1:57:15Speaker 01

  Oh, Kurt's like in our, in the world that I thought you guys might know.

• 1:57:18Speaker 06

  Monster of fucking comedy.

• 1:57:20Speaker 01

  Jimmy Dore Show, if you know who that is.

• 1:57:21Speaker 02

  Well, uh, can you show me a picture? Like, like, I don't know names for shit, but it's not drawing.

• 1:57:28Speaker 01

  One of my good friends in comedy too. I just, I don't know. I just like find him so funny.

• 1:57:31Speaker 02

  Cause I know the name. I, I don't think I've ever seen him.

• 1:57:33Speaker 06

  Oh, hey, hey, yeah, him.

• 1:57:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was just on Rogan like yeah, two days ago.

• 1:57:40Speaker 01

  Told you.

• 1:57:40Speaker 02

  No shit. Yeah.

• 1:57:42Speaker 01

  You're too. You seem tapped in.

• 1:57:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:57:44Speaker 06

  Dude, he's crushing it though. Holy shit to have those awards. That's wild.

• 1:57:49Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:57:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but there's a lot of like random guys. That's it. And you know, in the city, like, there's a lot of like random New York guys who are just like, yeah, killers and that maybe people don't know about enough, but maybe will.

• 1:58:00Speaker 06

  Did you now? Did he help you get into the comedy space? Like, hey, I want to try this or was that?

• 1:58:05Speaker 01

  No, I kind of made friends with them after.

• 1:58:07Speaker 06

  No shit.

• 1:58:07Speaker 01

  To be honest, but like, uh, the, that was like, I feel like when I was in Toronto, that like the popular can the, there was kind of like a, a group of comedians that were kind of like the hip New York comedians at the time. But they, none of them were like that famous, you know?

• 1:58:23Speaker 06

  Gotcha. And none of them, like, did you have any aspirations from big comedians at that point in your life to be like, hey, I want to join this?

• 1:58:31Speaker 01

  No, at the time, dude, when I started stand up comedy, I'd probably seen like Jerry Seinfeld's special.

• 1:58:38Speaker 06

  You're like, this is comedy. God, I could do.

• 1:58:39Speaker 01

  No, because I know it really was. I was like obsessed with like, like Tom Green, Andy Melnakis, Sacha Baron Cohen. Uh, I thought that Jamie Kennedy, who I've like kind of hung out with now, I thought that show was so funny. Like that kind of on that stuff. I was like, you know, I liked Sandler, like people like that, but that was my.

• 1:58:58Speaker 06

  You are the most forty year old man I've ever met.

• 1:59:02Speaker 01

  I will defend, dude, I'm the most, I'm the most like Sandler defender.

• 1:59:08Speaker 06

  I love what he's done.

• 1:59:09Speaker 05

  He's got like the best gig ever now where he's just like, oh, I'm going to like pump out these like decent enough comedy movies with all of my best friends in exotic places where we get to just

• 1:59:19Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:59:19Speaker 05

  be in Hawaii for three months.

• 1:59:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:22Speaker 05

  It's like, dude, fuck, that's the, that's the American dream.

• 1:59:24Speaker 01

  He, he really did beat the system. Yeah, but you guys like that and then I was like, because I was the way that I thought about it at the time, which that's why it's like felt different to me. It was like, uh, everything else I was like, oh, I'm gonna do this. And then you do that and do that. And then stand up. I was kind of like, I'm doing all this comedy stuff. And it felt like, oh, if you go do stand up, that felt like a more measurable way in like sports where in acting, it was like, is the best actor getting the role? Like, who knows? You know what I mean? It's kind of, you could really replace people with other people sometimes and it maybe wouldn't have made a difference. Whereas in like sports, you're like, no, that guy's the best. And I felt like stand up would have been more of that where you go, if you're like so good, you can't be ignored. In my opinion, it was before YouTube. Now there's a versions of it where if you're making the best stuff, like,

• 2:00:09Speaker 01

  you'll find your audience, but that was kind of before that, right? You could, an industry could ignore someone that's amazing. I feel like they can't really do that now. And at the time I felt like stand up was kind of like a way around that. But I didn't. So then when I actually started doing it, I didn't realize that you're just like, oh, this isn't like a thing you do. This is like a life you have.

• 2:00:27Speaker 06

  Oh, I don't think. And what is that like? Cause a lot of people don't realize, oh, this is a complete lifestyle. This isn't something you can do half ass. This is, I have to go all in. And it's not 40 hours. This is 60, 80, 100 hours a week.

• 2:00:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably like an athlete being like, I'm like a, uh, uh, you know, I'm, I'm, oh, I'm gonna, it's gonna like train a little less. You're like, oh, so you're gonna stop doing it. You know what I mean?

• 2:00:51Speaker 02

  Unless you're Mighty Mouse, who like has a job, uh, he's an MMA fighter who's just a fucking, you know, top tier athlete.

• 2:00:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:00:59Speaker 02

  Literally UFC and everything, but he had a job at Red Lobster while he was the UFC champ. Incredible.

• 2:01:06Speaker 06

  He was, and to that, like, you were talking about a dude, everyone else at that level was doing this full time. Full fucking time. Mighty Mouse was doing an hour a week without a coach and then he had a secondary coach. And it was his first big UFC fight that was hard. Getting the championship. And they're like, hey, so do you want to quit Red Lobster? Yeah.

• 2:01:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:01:29Speaker 06

  Homie, like put everything into this. He's like, oh, okay.

• 2:01:32Speaker 01

  I guess so.

• 2:01:33Speaker 06

  And then he just started crushing.

• 2:01:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm sure. I'm in the UFC, but Red Lobster is my passion.

• 2:01:39Speaker 06

  He's like, I want to be the number one server of all time.

• 2:01:42Speaker 02

  Related to all of that, uh, you said you were living in Toronto, you were in a band, you started doing comedy, and then you moved to New York. What, like, what were you doing prior to? Like, what was your full-time job? Before like where you

• 2:01:59Speaker 01

  I said like random jobs I never like I never Cause

• 2:02:01Speaker 02

  Just fucking around?

• 2:02:02Speaker 01

  The band got kinda popular when I was like in college.

• 2:02:05Speaker 02

  So the band was your job?

• 2:02:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then but I did stuff like I would um When when then the band was kinda popular, I was started this little company making music videos. So I started kinda and we were pretty like in. So I would make a lot of people's music videos and I have little company. I probably did like fifteen a year. And then kind of while I was doing that, I was doing uh like, you know, we started in the cable access show, but I would always have I'd have like a couple. You know, gigs that just like I don't you one of you. You've done film stuff, right? I don't know if you ever had like gigs that like came to you over the years. But when I wasn't making enough money, I have these things where it's like. Oh, this person has this video that they make. Do you want to make it? It takes like took me four or five days. I would do it with my little company, make like ten grand a year.

• 2:02:49Speaker 01

  Have like three of those and then you're like, okay, I make kinda like twenty five thirty with my little thing and then make. You know, twenty five for my music video racket and then make thirty in entertainment and I all those numbers are probably inflated. But like you add the whole thing up to more like fifty or sixty and he's like, okay, that was I kinda had like

• 2:03:05Speaker 02

  Which in American dollars is about forty, but yeah.

• 2:03:08Speaker 01

  So I had like rackets, you know what I mean? Like you'd make and then and you know, when I started comedy and you know, they're probably after two or three years I was making, you know. Fifteen twenty in comedy and then fifteen twenty here and fifteen twenty here and then so I kinda yeah, I had I never had like. I had jobs jobs before I worked at a hockey rink. I worked at for the city for a bit, but like mostly it was after college. With the success of the band, I kinda partitioned that into having these like rackets and then I had like a My series at CBC that would make money and I had all these little things like that.

• 2:03:39Speaker 02

  What was the the comedy money?

• 2:03:41Speaker 01

  Film probably is the best way to describe it.

• 2:03:42Speaker 02

  Where was the break off point where you were like, oh, I can fuck off. I make enough money that I can move to New York and do comedy full time?

• 2:03:50Speaker 01

  Well, I couldn't move before I I was when I was in I've moved here at like thirty two. By like twenty nine, like I had a I was like a real person that, you know.

• 2:03:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:04:00Speaker 01

  Like I wasn't. Like I had, you know, enough of these little things like we had an office. So me and Danny, who I do my podcast, The Boys Cast with, we had a little office in Toronto. There was all of our boys who were film people. And, you know, if you, it was more like, if you needed more work, there was always stuff like, and I was a really good editor, right? So there was always stuff I could do if I wanted to. But I always thought that was the best advice for like, young person that's trying to do something is like, find out how to make 30 grand a year with the least amount of hours possible. So you can kind of spend your time doing other things and then never nickel and dime the career you're pursuing. Like so many people are arguing over like 40 bucks here and there. It's like, figure out a scheme to like get by, you know, that doesn't

• 2:04:42Speaker 01

  have, I mean, bar, if you're like a hot chick bartender is a good scheme, but like, figure out a scheme where you can like make enough to survive without worrying about that that much. And then like, kind of, then you can just be like, okay, I can just focus on this thing that I'm building.

• 2:04:57Speaker 05

  You're building all of the job of, well, like, we all had like a job prior, like, there was the job that we did while we were doing the thing we wanted to do in the background.

• 2:05:05Speaker 01

  So you, you did it that way?

• 2:05:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:05:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, a lot of people as you're, it's that I will move into this location and get it ready. And then I will supplement that job with everything else to make sure this lifestyle doesn't change. I want to do comedy. This is how I get comedy done.

• 2:05:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. And maybe I would have thought of that if I hadn't been in the scenario where I was already like, kind of famous before. So there's like a part, you know what I mean? It felt like, like weirdly, like if I was, I was like, kind of weirdly like half made it, if that makes sense. So I was more like, I wanted to figure out rackets like in this thing a little bit.

• 2:05:42Speaker 06

  And it helps your overall job because now you're like, hey, I'm doing these skit comedy or whatever, live shows.

• 2:05:48Speaker 01

  You could convince yourself of that. Whether it was true, I could convince myself that kind of it's helping.

• 2:05:53Speaker 06

  Dude, I would do that. I'm like, oh, well, at least I'm learning X, Y, and Z. And then I can apply it to this. And then I can figure.

• 2:05:59Speaker 01

  Actually, I'm basically doing it.

• 2:06:00Speaker 06

  Yeah. You've got this all day because LA was that. I mean, the acting scene or LA scene was so different, especially at that time, like 2012. YouTube, no one gives a about. You'd need to be in entertainment industry and then you're trying to be, pay the bills with the YouTube or the side jobs and then while doing your actor's card or.

• 2:06:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:06:23Speaker 05

  Which I mean, so many of those people too, like I remember the early days, like you could think of like Fred or whoever. They're like, oh yeah, the biggest thing is like Fred goes to Hollywood. You have somebody who's succeeding in like the influencer YouTube world, going to try to be legitimate in the the Hollywood scene and then they tank. Cause like you, you don't, you don't realize like, okay, we are actually the new economy. And like and freelance, it's like you're actually you're, you're working for yourself instead of working for a studio that works for a union that works for who and you got these 18 tiers up the chain. Whereas reality, like you're working.

• 2:06:56Speaker 01

  You watch all these people and you're just like, look at the all these, all those actors who you're now trying to be. It's like, they're all trying to start a podcast.

• 2:07:02Speaker 05

  Will Smith started a YouTube channel. Like what is it? What does that tell you?

• 2:07:06Speaker 06

  Although it flips spots so fast with a lot of things because it is. All right, I'm really big on this side, but I can't put butts in seats. I can't do a lot of stuff. Comedy, I know I've talked to WME or Freddie or any of these YouTube individuals. And they're like, man, they think just because they have this audience, that naturally the audience will go to a show.

• 2:07:27Speaker 01

  It might go once, it has to be, you know?

• 2:07:29Speaker 06

  And that is the hardest thing. It's like, no, I have an internet presence. Like fucking congratulations. You didn't build a community aspect to it. No one's going to show up. And now these big theaters, these big shows, they, oh, we'll do a 2000 seat venue. 300 people show up. Uh, what the fuck's going on? I thought you said you could sell this out. Well, I thought that, well, they watch my YouTube videos. Doesn't fucking matter.

• 2:07:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:07:53Speaker 06

  And that's, how is that with the comedian youth, like YouTube space? Do you see a lot of comedian YouTubers trying to get on shows with you or they're just not filling out seats? Like, how is that whole world coming from the traditional side of comedy?

• 2:08:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, like the community thing that you're saying is funny because like in comedy in a weird way. That it's almost, I don't know frowned upon is the wrong, the right word, but like it feels like. All of that stuff of, you know, like, like the stuff that YouTubers do to like build a community. Almost feels like you're not supposed to do that or something.

• 2:08:31Speaker 05

  Enter.

• 2:08:31Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? But.

• 2:08:32Speaker 05

  We have a long, longstanding joke. If you say community, we all have to drink.

• 2:08:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:08:36Speaker 05

  So you're, you're this up over here.

• 2:08:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, you're kind of, you're, it's a little more like, you know, this is the stuff I'm doing and I don't, I'm kind of like, keep, I'm not. Like, I'm not babysitting a group of people. I'm making stuff and if they like it, that's cool. But yeah, I mean, there's, that's one of the things that's like in the last three years is happening like crazy. Is there's so many people that build this big audience. And then there, there's a million people being like, hey, you can make a lot of money if you go do a live performance for them. And then they're just like, what do I do? And then I can't think of, I mean, I kind of feel almost grateful that I was. Maybe the point where I was really selling tickets. I've been doing stand up for 10 years. So I could kind of like handle. You know, do it, but like being not good enough to do an hour of stand up.

• 2:09:21Speaker 01

  And then going in like disappointing, you know, 500 people at night and then be like, and now I'm going to do this tomorrow. And then, and then I'm going to do it tomorrow. It's like, I feel like that's torture.

• 2:09:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I've, I've disappointed one person a night for years. So like, it's not that big a deal.

• 2:09:38Speaker 01

  And then they go, you know, even Louis used to say about, uh, this is a Louis C. K. quote, but he used to talk about. When we, you guys were saying putting together the new hours, people were like, if you have like an hour of stand up and someone's like a big fan. And then you come back to their city like a couple of years later and it's this, and then they'll come the second time. And then if the second time, it's like mostly the same kind of thing. They're like, they might even still have a good time, but they're not coming the third time.

• 2:10:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:10:01Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? So it's like, if you want to build like, yeah, I cog, do these tours and people come see me every time. It's like, the truth is a lot of those people just aren't capable of that right now from new, no fault of their own. They're just like not. You know, it's not, if I, if you, if I got famous doing like trick shots and then I had to go play in the NBA, you know what I mean? Or whatever it was. Um, so I feel like a lot of people are like struggling with like what to do with that. And some people are figuring it out. I mean, you guys are doing a podcast. Some people are like, I do this show where I kind of bring people. I kind of do 10 minutes, then we do like a Q and A and we, I put, some people like figured out how to put together like a cool dating show or something. So I think people are.

• 2:10:37Speaker 05

  You're talking about like Zach?

• 2:10:39Speaker 01

  There's so many. I don't know the names of the people who do the dating shows, but I know there's some of them that seem pretty popular.

• 2:10:45Speaker 05

  God, I'm trying to remember his last name, but Zach, he's like the guy that does like he brings in the the girls and they do like the dating show like kind of stuff.

• 2:10:52Speaker 01

  Dude, there's.

• 2:10:52Speaker 05

  It's fucking hilarious.

• 2:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So people are figuring out like, what do I, what does my live performance look like? And then probably after that, they're figuring out like, do I actually want to do this?

• 2:11:03Speaker 06

  It's dude, it's hard because I can't say from that side of the fence, you have.

• 2:11:10Speaker 06

  How do I say it? It is the company is like, well, they won't tour next year or we'll hold that back on them. And it's like, we don't give a shit about touring. We're doing this for everyone else. This is not, we just give two. This is not our lifestyle.

• 2:11:22Speaker 05

  Zach Justice.

• 2:11:22Speaker 01

  I know that guy. Yeah.

• 2:11:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, that guy.

• 2:11:24Speaker 06

  I haven't seen his stuff.

• 2:11:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:11:26Speaker 06

  Have you not?

• 2:11:26Speaker 01

  You were talking about the white room thing.

• 2:11:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:11:28Speaker 01

  You know, no, I'm, I'm maybe he does a live version, but I'm just saying there's all these, you know, random guys that build this big thing and they have this live. You know, dating with the audience comes up or whatever.

• 2:11:38Speaker 05

  Doing that live sounds fucking crazy.

• 2:11:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:11:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. And having no editorial control is, uh, that's a gamble, especially with something that sensitive.

• 2:11:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess so. But there, well, then, I mean, you got to figure something out if you want to tour.

• 2:11:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:11:51Speaker 01

  But I guess the other side is you don't have to tour like, you know.

• 2:11:54Speaker 06

  That's a, that's a big thing. A lot of people are learning.

• 2:11:57Speaker 05

  One of these days Eli will figure that out.

• 2:12:00Speaker 06

  We don't, we do not have to.

• 2:12:02Speaker 05

  No, it is great to.

• 2:12:03Speaker 06

  Everyone else.

• 2:12:04Speaker 05

  We, why do we do it, Eli?

• 2:12:06Speaker 06

  For the community.

• 2:12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, but podcasting isn't, I don't put podcasting in that same category. Like a podcast going to a live podcast is actually pretty normal.

• 2:12:15Speaker 06

  Here's the.

• 2:12:15Speaker 01

  I don't see that as.

• 2:12:17Speaker 06

  For yours.

• 2:12:17Speaker 01

  Category.

• 2:12:18Speaker 06

  For yours, being able to do this for a year and a half at this point, um, uh, two and a half years, we now sell out, uh, 2,200 seat venues. Like in a week and a half, we will sell out 2,200.

• 2:12:30Speaker 01

  What does 2,200 seat venue mean?

• 2:12:32Speaker 06

  Uh, just 2,000.

• 2:12:33Speaker 05

  Means people.

• 2:12:33Speaker 06

  2,000.

• 2:12:34Speaker 01

  What is the 200 mean?

• 2:12:35Speaker 06

  200 seats.

• 2:12:36Speaker 05

  2200 is what he's trying to say.

• 2:12:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, 22, 2,200, 2,200. Oh, yeah, 2200, however you want to say that.

• 2:12:44Speaker 01

  I knew you weren't seeing two thousand two hundred seat venues. But I was like, what are you saying?

• 2:12:50Speaker 06

  That is how two thousand or three thousand two hundred.

• 2:12:54Speaker 05

  Seven shows a day. We do two thousand bingo halls per year.

• 2:12:59Speaker 06

  Why are you doing so many shows? Yeah, but I was like, also awesome. Why are you working right now?

• 2:13:03Speaker 01

  Why is every venue twenty two hundred seats?

• 2:13:05Speaker 06

  We're really good. That that is our max capacity. No more to less.

• 2:13:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

• 2:13:14Speaker 06

  Because how fast that happened, we got truly blessed with being five people on the stage and we get it interacted and everyone has a good time. A lot of comedians, when we talk to them, they're like, how the fuck that is really quick to scale that size? And at first, we didn't. We were like four hundred seat venues and then we barely sold out.

• 2:13:32Speaker 05

  I mean, our first one was like three hundred seats.

• 2:13:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, three hundred, uh, four hundred was.

• 2:13:36Speaker 05

  It was where actually we're like tonight, like laugh out loud. That was our, and we were nervous as first, first, first. Yeah, it was. It was three hundred seats and we were terrified.

• 2:13:46Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, I'm sure there's some places where you'll go like, I mean, you know, like I'm, I'm, I'm next week, I'm doing fifteen hundred in Toronto and then I'm doing five hundred in Houston. And then tonight's gonna be three hundred. Like, so, you know, I'm.

• 2:13:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, it scales.

• 2:14:00Speaker 01

  Depends on, no, it depends. I'm just saying it depends on where you go. You're like, oh, and then you, if you, maybe if you go to London, then you're like, oh, that's just five, you know, it depends on.

• 2:14:08Speaker 05

  Right.

• 2:14:08Speaker 01

  So there's always a place where you're selling more tickets and less tickets. If you want to go there is the question.

• 2:14:13Speaker 05

  But but even even still, just like, even though it's like fewer seats.

• 2:14:17Speaker 01

  Sorry to interrupt, but I know for you guys, it's the exact same amount every single place, twenty two hundred.

• 2:14:21Speaker 05

  I mean, we, we keep it like relatively close because it's it's big hubs too, where it's like Denver, Phoenix, Boston, like, you know, big, big conglomerates like that. But I just, I, I, I just go back to our first ever show where we were all just terrified. Like, I just remember the feeling in the green room. We're like, we've never been on stage before.

• 2:14:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:14:40Speaker 05

  Like, this is.

• 2:14:40Speaker 06

  Oh, this is, it was one of the biggest things. It's like, we're used to talking behind a camera where, uh, to millions of people. The second that millions turns into three hundred in front of you.

• 2:14:51Speaker 01

  With a big place?

• 2:14:52Speaker 05

  It was like three, it was three hundred.

• 2:14:54Speaker 01

  It was a lot, right? Yeah.

• 2:14:56Speaker 06

  I mean, for a lot of people, that is like, oh, but three to five hundred during that first tour.

• 2:15:01Speaker 05

  Enter stage left, Richard Hi. Exposed his butthole and testicles.

• 2:15:09Speaker 06

  Right on the entire crowd.

• 2:15:10Speaker 05

  It was St. Patrick's Day.

• 2:15:12Speaker 06

  Sick.

• 2:15:12Speaker 05

  He was wearing a kilt and just mooned the whole fucking audience as we walked out. We're like, well, that sets the tone. All right, fair enough.

• 2:15:20Speaker 06

  Now we don't have to worry. Period. Yeah, it's it's just that weird spot of how fast it evolved into that size. And we're truly blessed because we have a huge audience. But 2 million people behind a camera versus 300 people in front of them. Absolutely fucking terrifying to all of us.

• 2:15:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, different scale.

• 2:15:41Speaker 06

  Cody, like Cody hates it. He has the largest.

• 2:15:46Speaker 05

  Do you know, uh, so, uh, Boston, I think it's the Wilbur Theater.

• 2:15:49Speaker 01

  I did the Wilbur.

• 2:15:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, we we did the Wilbur, uh, last last tour.

• 2:15:52Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 2:15:53Speaker 05

  And, uh, you know, there's like, there's the the base floor, the second floor, and then there's like a third floor way up top. It's cool. They they call it like the wall of laughter.

• 2:16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they built it. They built a comedy club in the bottom.

• 2:16:04Speaker 05

  Oh, no shit.

• 2:16:05Speaker 01

  That's the reason like, so if you like the part where it has the tables, it has feels like a comedy club. That's why everyone does their specials there.

• 2:16:11Speaker 05

  No shit, I didn't know that.

• 2:16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's, yeah, they have a theater, but then they have a little floor essentially in front of the theater that feels like a comedy club.

• 2:16:19Speaker 05

  That's cool. No, no. Well, when we did it, Cody, well, because the the way the lighting was set up, Cody didn't know there was a third floor.

• 2:16:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 2:16:27Speaker 05

  So he's gotten massive stage fright. And like at one point, like one of us was just like, hey, Cody, look up there. And he goes, oh, fuck.

• 2:16:36Speaker 05

  Had no clue. There was an entire extra 300 fucking people there.

• 2:16:40Speaker 01

  Isn't that a wild like time though? There's there's some podcasts that do like a live podcast and they do arena and you're just like, man, what a wild. Dude, there's this podcast in Quebec, I think it's Mike Ward's podcast. They did the the the like, you know, basketball sports stadium.

• 2:16:56Speaker 05

  Right.

• 2:16:57Speaker 01

  It's in two guys chatting.

• 2:17:00Speaker 05

  And like logical brain, it makes sense, but like caveman brain, none of the shit computes.

• 2:17:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Well, the rules are all not, there is none.

• 2:17:07Speaker 06

  Yeah. We we were terrified with the 360. Oh dude.

• 2:17:12Speaker 01

  Wait, you guys did a three sixty?

• 2:17:13Speaker 06

  Phoenix.

• 2:17:14Speaker 01

  It was all the way around?

• 2:17:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, Phoenix and it was.

• 2:17:16Speaker 01

  That's weird.

• 2:17:17Speaker 06

  It was a two forty, like, cause it was one of those things. It's like, how the fuck, where we are on a table. We are talk, the people behind us won't have a good time. We need to like, push everyone this way. Huh?

• 2:17:30Speaker 05

  The only place there wasn't people was the entrance ramp behind us.

• 2:17:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17:34Speaker 05

  It was, I'm like, oh yeah, uh, the table full of veterans famously comfortable with people sitting behind them for an hour and a half.

• 2:17:43Speaker 06

  Terrified. What is it like for you when you walk out on that? Or are you, do you sit? What's your actual stage presence like?

• 2:17:50Speaker 01

  I stand.

• 2:17:51Speaker 06

  For stuff like that? Now, are you walking and looking at each area when you walk and talk?

• 2:17:56Speaker 01

  Dude, I sw- like honestly, this stuff feel, it just doesn't feel like anything to me.

• 2:18:02Speaker 06

  That's why.

• 2:18:02Speaker 01

  Like I'm, it, it really, I don't know, but I guess I've been performing since I was like sixteen. But it really, it's not even like a nervous thing or not. I'm more like in my head, like, okay, I want to think about, maybe I might be thinking about something like, okay, I want to try this new thing or I want to do that. But like, the actual, oh, everyone's here. Like I, I just feel nothing. It's like irrelevant.

• 2:18:25Speaker 05

  So go see his shows.

• 2:18:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:18:27Speaker 05

  Uh, he doesn't care about you at all.

• 2:18:29Speaker 01

  That's what you want.

• 2:18:30Speaker 05

  Humility check. What was everybody's first job?

• 2:18:33Speaker 01

  No, you'd be like, if you walked into, I feel the way that if I walked into a room with my friends. Like if I walked into a room with like my buddies, I'm not like, oh, I'm not like nervous.

• 2:18:42Speaker 05

  So you just lost the nerves every time?

• 2:18:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, it just feels regular. You do it every single night. You know what I mean?

• 2:18:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:18:48Speaker 01

  It just feels like regular.

• 2:18:50Speaker 06

  Last show, that's when they opened the doors, like, hey, five minutes. I usually sleep before a show. I'll take my nap. Sparring's like, oh, it hit. I'm like, huh?

• 2:18:57Speaker 01

  You guys have, do you guys have a stand up that does anything before you guys go on?

• 2:19:01Speaker 06

  No, it is just straight.

• 2:19:03Speaker 05

  I, I've seen, I've said that.

• 2:19:05Speaker 01

  That'll make it easier. Cause going first is, uh, notoriously a little harder.

• 2:19:08Speaker 05

  Especially in, uh, in San Antonio. We have so many friends like, uh, Justin Governall, like people that do, uh.

• 2:19:13Speaker 01

  Have a local person do ten minutes before. That'll make it better for you.

• 2:19:17Speaker 06

  But the crowd, do we, what do we walk out to? Thunderous fucking applause.

• 2:19:23Speaker 05

  At the same time. I feel like it's also good for the audience too, like, you know.

• 2:19:28Speaker 01

  Warms them up.

• 2:19:29Speaker 05

  Yeah. 10 minutes of just like, oh, you know, they're warmed up, you're ready to laugh, you're having a good time while you're waiting for the, you know.

• 2:19:36Speaker 01

  That's a no brainer. That would be like 101 if I was like. Yeah, put someone before, have someone do something beforehand. Yeah.

• 2:19:43Speaker 06

  Be interesting to try it because it'd be that, because Jake gets booed going on stage just for his, Jake will be on stage and this is.

• 2:19:50Speaker 05

  Well, that sounds like a Jake problem.

• 2:19:53Speaker 06

  He goes on and it's like, hey, I'm speaking for this, not this. And Jake's not even into the intro of like, hey, no cell phones. He does this little bit, but people are like, we didn't pay for you. And you're like, Jesus Christ, audience. That's why I would not want to put that on an ending comedian where they're like, hey, what's up? It's.

• 2:20:11Speaker 05

  We have so many. We have so many comedians that are former podcast guests though.

• 2:20:16Speaker 06

  Yeah. Do you think our audience is going to be kind of, Jake the lawyer is getting wrecked. Hey, I'll record.

• 2:20:24Speaker 01

  No, what you need is a guy that is a, that does film and tour and they'll be like tour with us and he's also kind of worked for you.

• 2:20:30Speaker 06

  We're going to just throw you on stage next time.

• 2:20:32Speaker 01

  Well, you can't afford me. No.

• 2:20:37Speaker 05

  That's not a lie. All right.

• 2:20:40Speaker 01

  Honestly, I bet you you would do it and you'd be like, oh shit, that's way better.

• 2:20:44Speaker 06

  It'd be a good fucking, let's test it for next year.

• 2:20:47Speaker 05

  I feel like we should. Like I've really, I've been, I've been hard on that, that I think that like.

• 2:20:50Speaker 01

  You have an opener. Yeah.

• 2:20:51Speaker 05

  Yeah. And, and because pretty much even every, every big musician and whatnot, when they do a big tour, they, they have openers and stuff like that. Just, you know, it's, it's something to keep people entertained. If they show up early, you know, stuff like that. And if people miss it, then they miss it, whatever. But it's, I don't know.

• 2:21:09Speaker 01

  Where you, like a lot of mediums that, uh, you're like, we'll do it differently. And then like after a few years, you're like, there's a reason everyone did it like that.

• 2:21:20Speaker 06

  We've had delay shows. Iowa's a great example. Forty five minute delay because 60% of the audience tried to bring in guns. And they had to go back to their car. Now we're delaying. And then they're like, why, why isn't the show starting?

• 2:21:36Speaker 01

  Your baby's like.

• 2:21:38Speaker 01

  Your show's like a little baby show.

• 2:21:41Speaker 01

  The rapper.

• 2:21:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, literally.

• 2:21:46Speaker 03

  Everyone was bringing guns and like, hey, they delayed it by like forty five minutes.

• 2:21:50Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 2:21:51Speaker 03

  First show because it was like, everyone's trying to bring in guns. I think same thing happened to Cat Williams.

• 2:21:57Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 2:21:59Speaker 03

  That's so funny. Yeah, you guys are dealing with gangster rap problems.

• 2:22:04Speaker 05

  They tried to bring guns in here. It was the fucking, uh, the Nashville show where, uh, they, they came back, uh, the management came back. They were like, hey, you know, we're glad you're here. This, this, this, uh, the staff is a little concerned.

• 2:22:18Speaker 05

  A lot of your people are trying to, to bring in firearms.

• 2:22:21Speaker 03

  Like, oh, my carry.

• 2:22:22Speaker 05

  We're, we're, no, no, not even that. Just like they're, just like, well, we're, we're worried that they're gonna, they're bringing firearms. We're like, no, no, not our crowd. They know the rules. They know the laws, stuff like that. And then we walk outside and there's a guy carrying a fucking AT four. Like, well.

• 2:22:37Speaker 03

  Hey, what is this like?

• 2:22:40Speaker 05

  I check it out.

• 2:22:41Speaker 03

  That's so funny.

• 2:22:42Speaker 05

  I get it's an empty tube, but when you're dealing with an, a, a fucking, you know, arena that doesn't deal with this shit. Yeah, I, I get it.

• 2:22:49Speaker 03

  So wait, where's the rest of your tour?

• 2:22:51Speaker 01

  That's so funny. I'm just like kind of on tour always. Like I try to do, um, uh, I try to do about two weekends a month is like what I think like makes sense for me. Um, so right now, uh, I guess I don't know when this is gonna come out, but San Antonio, San Diego, Houston and Austin are sold out, but then I'm, I'm, I don't think you guys have, uh, uh, do you mind if I pull up my dates?

• 2:23:11Speaker 03

  No, not at all. The purpose.

• 2:23:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, by all means.

• 2:23:14Speaker 03

  Tell them.

• 2:23:15Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, then I'm doing big theater in Toronto, uh, Ottawa, still has some tickets. Toronto's basically sold out, but then Miami, Naples, Jacksonville, little Florida run, San Francisco, Sacramento, Philadelphia, Madison, Vancouver, Portland, Minneapolis, Lansing Theater, Chicago, Detroit, Winnipeg, Spokane, Phoenix, Santa Ana, Pueblo, Boston, Halifax, Nashville, Kansas City, Calgary, DC, Providence, Ryan Long Comedy dot com.

• 2:23:43Speaker 05

  And so when's your last date on that tour?

• 2:23:45Speaker 01

  Um, it's, it's always like, it's, it's kind of just, so the way that I am currently doing it is not like just one big tour. It's more that I do about twenty four weekends a year sort of thing, you know? And that just kind of goes on forever. When I do release a special, I'll probably take like four months off to do press and work on stuff and this and that, but it's kind of just, that's like. That I'm try I'm trying to be in like a you're you're trying to more like systemize like and a manageable life as opposed to like it's off and then it's on it's off then it's on this is

• 2:24:17Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 2:24:18Speaker 01

  Like always.

• 2:24:19Speaker 06

  Twenty fours of metric shit done and also send that to show so we can put that up on screen so everyone knows the exact date.

• 2:24:25Speaker 02

  Do the read.

• 2:24:26Speaker 05

  I I get that we all like we're we're privileged to be able to do the job that we have right?

• 2:24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 2:24:31Speaker 05

  Do you still enjoy it?

• 2:24:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, to be honest, it's uh the the problem with being busy, I'm sure it's like the you're there's too much stuff other than the thing like you know what I mean like I kind of it's funny because I used to look back at you know when I was probably like four years into this or whatever and you'd be like, man, it'd be so sick to be there and then you could just no stand up and you're like, actually, it's here is when I was when I had nothing with this is when I could now it's like you're doing stand up while managing a lot of other things, you know, so to me, it's like the thing that I like most is when I'm like my whole life is problem I'm trying to solve is how can I mostly just focus on the things, you know, so with stand up, I yeah, I do love the problem is that it's hard to really

• 2:25:17Speaker 01

  do when you're doing a million other things. So my most of my time is spent, how can I do the least amount of other things and actually just do this?

• 2:25:24Speaker 05

  Start hiring people.

• 2:25:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:25:28Speaker 06

  Well, now, where can everyone find you on social media?

• 2:25:30Speaker 01

  Uh, all of my socia's are at Ryan Long Comedy and the podcast is The Boys Cast with Ryan Long.

• 2:25:37Speaker 05

  Who do you do The Boys Cast with?

• 2:25:38Speaker 01

  Danny Polish, Chuck, and he's a he's a comedian also from Toronto that lives in New York as well. You might have seen his stuff. He does a lot of funny sketches and stuff.

• 2:25:45Speaker 05

  Probably, yeah, it's probably again, it's one of those things that comes across your feed all the time and you're just like, oh, shit, that guy.

• 2:25:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's what I was saying to you guys. I don't it's like, cool. I've obviously seen like your face and your face a bunch of times, but.

• 2:25:56Speaker 05

  Fuck you, Connor.

• 2:25:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. Who the am I?

• 2:25:58Speaker 01

  No, I've seen well, I've seen the podcast and I remember my first note was I was like, that looks really good.

• 2:26:04Speaker 05

  No, don't make him feel good.

• 2:26:06Speaker 01

  I remember I thinking your shit looks really good and then I don't know, I was just like impressed with the you it's cool that there's these, you know, just you're like, oh, just you know, who's that guy? And you go, oh, yeah, they're making crazy money, just doing this like you don't need anyone. And to me, that's like cool when you meet other people that are just in like a different like slightly different thing. I'm sure there's some crossover on people we know and stuff like that, but I don't I think it's sick.

• 2:26:30Speaker 05

  Well, it's been a genuine pleasure to disappoint you in person.

• 2:26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:26:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm glad you guys are touring, man. I'm glad it's going well.

• 2:26:38Speaker 06

  And that's how fucking

• 2:26:39Speaker 01

  If you come to New York, I'll come to the show. If you come to New York or Jersey again, are you, are you gonna come to New York? Have you done New York?

• 2:26:44Speaker 05

  We, uh, we, we did Jersey. I don't think we'll go back there, but I, we might do New York. Who knows?

• 2:26:49Speaker 01

  Some cool theaters in New York, man. That's like

• 2:26:50Speaker 05

  We want to do

• 2:26:51Speaker 01

  Harder to make money.

• 2:26:52Speaker 05

  The idea is our goal. Eli's always wanted to do, sorry, Eli's always wanted to do, uh, Madison Square Garden. So.

• 2:26:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'd be sick, dude.

• 2:27:00Speaker 06

  We've scaled right now, 300, 800, 2,000 sold out. So this one will be 5,000 seats. If we can sell out four venues at 5,000 seats each, then we'll get Madison Square Garden for 20

• 2:27:11Speaker 01

  You know what? Another life hack?

• 2:27:12Speaker 06

  This fucking dialed into a goddamn science.

• 2:27:14Speaker 05

  Well, here's, it's, it's a, it's a fucking stretch goal, but at the same time, if we just do one fucking big unsub tour, like this is the unsub Mecca.

• 2:27:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:27:23Speaker 05

  This is the only show we're doing the entire tour, all unsub fans there. I think maybe we can do it.

• 2:27:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:27:30Speaker 05

  We won't sell it out.

• 2:27:31Speaker 06

  Oh, we will. I will make that a fucking thing. Oh, we will make an event around it.

• 2:27:36Speaker 05

  Sounds like a challenge.

• 2:27:38Speaker 01

  We're right. Rent out, like literally rent out an arena, you know, make the tickets affordable. So people will actually do it.

• 2:27:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:27:46Speaker 01

  Cut out a tick, like cut out a ticketing service, you know?

• 2:27:49Speaker 06

  Oh, they get, yeah, yeah. We were thankfully super blessed on even who we work with on any of the aspect because W, I mean, you know that.

• 2:27:57Speaker 01

  No, the only reason I was saying that is I was like, if you're trying to sell out an arena and the goal is like, how many tickets can we sell? You want to have like, cut out all these, like, get it down to 25 bucks. Like, you know what I mean? Like that, all I was saying was like, in this one situation where you're like, my goal is just sell like as many as possible and trying to like, we're like, uh, trying to step up. Well, one of the ways to help that is like, how can we get these tickets as cheap as possible, you know?

• 2:28:20Speaker 06

  Fill this bitch out and then we have fear.

• 2:28:22Speaker 05

  Go Connor. Soon to sell out Madison Square Garden. Thank you for tuning into the unsubscribe podcast. As always, I've been joined by Eli Double Tap, the one, the only Ryan. Some have called him the longest long.

• 2:28:37Speaker 01

  Gun guy.

• 2:28:39Speaker 05

  Gun guy, huge gun guy. Future Congressman Brandon Herrera and myself.

• 2:28:44Speaker 06

  Fish.

• 2:28:46Speaker 02

  Fish. Fish man. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Ryan, where can we find you?

• 2:28:53Speaker 01

  Again?

• 2:28:54Speaker 02

  One more time, one more time. We're just gonna rinse, repeat.

• 2:28:57Speaker 01

  You're very nice with all this promo you're giving.

• 2:28:59Speaker 02

  That's what we're doing.

• 2:29:00Speaker 01

  RyanLongComedy.com, YouTube.com/RyanLongComedy.

• 2:29:04Speaker 02

  BigDickComedy.com.

• 2:29:06Speaker 01

  We love you guys. Kisses, fuck you.

• 2:29:41Speaker 08

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.