The Secret to Effortless Productivity & Overcoming Overwhelm w/Greg McKeown EP 1102

“If you can’t work any harder, you’ve got to find an easier path.”Today's guest is Greg McKeown. Greg is a speaker, bestselling author, and host of the podcast, What’s Essential. His work has been covered by the New York Times, Fortune, and Inc.. He previously wrote the New York Times bestselling book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, which has sold more than a million copies worldwide. He’s now written a new book called EFFORTLESS: Make It Easier To Do What Matters Most. In this episode Lewis and Greg discuss the simple and surprising keys for a productive life, the 5 questions to ask yourself before starting a new project, how to stop beating ourselves up for relaxing more often in our lives, the two questions that changed the course of Greg McKeown’s life, and so much more! For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1102Check out Greg's podcast: What’s EssentialCheck out Greg's new book: EffortlessThe Wim Hof Experience: Mindset Training, Power Breathing, and Brotherhood: https://link.chtbl.com/910-podA Scientific Guide to Living Longer, Feeling Happier & Eating Healthier with Dr. Rhonda Patrick: https://link.chtbl.com/967-podThe Science of Sleep for Ultimate Success with Shawn Stevenson: https://link.chtbl.com/896-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,102 with New York Times bestselling author Greg McKeown. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:29Lewis Howes?

  John Carmack said, "Focus is a matter of deciding what things you're not going to do." And Leo Tolstoy said, "There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth." My guest today is Greg McKeown. And Greg is a speaker, a New York Times bestselling author, and host of the podcast, What's Essential? His work has been covered by the New York Times, Fortune, and Inc. And he's previously wrote the New York Times bestselling book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Lewis, which has sold more than a million copies worldwide. He's now written a new book called Effortless: Make It Easier to Do What Matters Most. And in this episode, we discuss the simple and surprising keys for a productive

• 1:12Lewis Howes?

  life, the five questions to ask yourself before starting a new project, how to stop beating ourselves up for relaxing more often in our lives, and the two questions that changed the course of Greg's life. If you're inspired by this, if this helps you become more effortless in your goal setting and accomplishing your goals and in your life overall, then make sure to share this with a friend. Post it on social media, text a friend. You can use the link, lewishowes.com/1102, or you can just copy and paste this link wherever you are listening to it. And if this is your first time here at the School of Greatness, then welcome. We have some of the most incredible minds in the world here to share with you how to unlock your inner greatness. So click that subscribe button right now on Apple

• 1:53Lewis Howes?

  Podcast, leave a rating and review of the part you enjoyed most about this episode as well. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Greg McKeown.

• 2:05Lewis Howes?

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• 2:50Lewis Howes?

  is unlike any other, and it keeps you in the zone. Peloton isn't only for cardio. Add a strength class to your ride, or combine cardio and strength in one workout with Bike Bootcamp to get a total body fitness experience. From beginner programs to Tabata intervals, Peloton meets you at every step of your fitness journey. Get started on your Peloton journey. Go to onepeloton.com to learn more. That's O-N-E-P-E-L-O-T-O-N dot com.

• 3:22Lewis Howes?

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• 4:04Lewis Howes?

  by Oracle, the world's number one cloud business system, and you won't regret it. You'll have visibility and control over everything: your financials, HR, inventory, e-commerce, and more. Everything you need, all in one place, instantaneously. Whether you're doing a million or hundreds of millions in revenue, save time and money with NetSuite. Let NetSuite show you how they'll benefit your business with a free product tour at netsuite.com/greatness. Schedule your free product tour right now at netsuite.com/greatness. That's netsuite.com/greatness.

• 4:43Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. Very excited about our guest. Greg McKeown is in the house. My man, good to see you.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Good to see you too.

• 4:50Lewis Howes?

  You have an amazing book out right now called Effortless and a great podcast that people should check out called What's Essential Podcast. They can get the book and subscribe to the podcast there. And you had a, you're, you're on the, the tail of a massive book launch previously that did incredibly well. And the world is learned about, a lot of people in my community are aware of. And now you have this book about effortless. And I'm curious, it seems like in a world of burnout culture, hustle and grind culture, that there isn't a lot of effortlessness happening in the world.

• 5:31Lewis Howes?

  It's more work as hard as you can, grind it out and hustle because hard work is the key to success. You hear a lot of great athletes say, how did you get here? They had to work hard.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:45Lewis Howes?

  They had to put in hours and hours every day in order to master their skill to be the best of what they were. Had to. So is there a way to create effortlessness when you also need to work hard and be diligent in your practice and all these things? Or do we not have to work hard and it can be effortless in accomplishing what we want?

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, look, I mean, to, to me, essentialism is about, was about rethinking prioritization, what really matters and figuring out what is essential. Effortless is a cousin to that. And that's about rethinking simplification, which is that sometimes we just make getting great results, breaking through to the next level harder than it needs to be.

• 6:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  So it's not saying, hey, you should never work and you should never work hard and should never put in effort. I, I believe that you're supposed to put in effort. The point is, if you can't work any harder, you've got to find an easier path. And yet, in a grind culture, sometimes people start to get burned out and their answer is push even harder. Rather than think different, think smarter, find an alternative route.

• 6:56Lewis Howes?

  Rather than take pause, reflect, have a better strategy. It's more just go hard, hard, hard, more, spend more time, more hours on the thing.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:04Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to reevaluate simplification.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:08Lewis Howes?

  So, how can we do it more effortlessly in a simplified version, not just hard push, push, push?

• 7:14Speaker 01

  One of the things I think we can do is, is just, well, the book structure, the model is to have an effortless state, like three concentric circles, effortless state, effortless action, and effortless results.

• 7:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  And that's sort of like three books in one. Each of them can make your life and the results you get easier to get. You want to first remove all the complexity in your mind, in your heart, that makes life more frustrating than it ought to be. Just talking with Tim Ferriss and I asked him a question about this. I said, look, how much of your mental and emotional energy have you given on stuff that, you know, holding grudges, being angry, stuff that just got in the way of your success? And he said, look, from age fifteen to thirty, he said probably sixty to seventy percent of my energy was spent on that.

• 8:06Lewis Howes?

  On?

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Anger. Being angry?

• 8:08Lewis Howes?

  At what? Himself, other people?

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Other people.

• 8:11Lewis Howes?

  The world, anything?

• 8:13Speaker 01

  And awful things that happened to him that he was angry about from when he was young. He's talked about this publicly now. Of abuse that he'd been through and so on. But either way, he's making, his life is more burdened than it needs to be. Because he's spending so much of his cycles on this stuff that isn't actually propelling him forward or helping him achieve.

• 8:34Lewis Howes?

  His thought process, his energy on those things, right?

• 8:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:38Lewis Howes?

  Spending a lot of that time.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  That's right. Just your mindset, what you're processing, how you're feeling is just burdened.

• 8:45Lewis Howes?

  Burning energy.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Burning energy instead of getting you going forward.

• 8:50Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  And so simplifying your state, I think, is a huge return on investment. If you can let go of a grudge, if you can let go of something that you keep on, you know... Draining you, then you have, there's just more of you on offer. And that's not through grinding effort. That's through just removing burdens. You don't have to be hauling up the mountain at all.

• 9:15Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  You know, the number two area is effortless action.

• 9:20Lewis Howes?

  That's effortless state, the first area.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  First one, effortless state. So you're simplifying all of your, you're basically all of that clutter that's in your mind.

• 9:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  So it makes it easier to focus on what matters.

• 9:30Lewis Howes?

  Before we get to the second, the second ring, how do people learn to let go of grudges?

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:37Lewis Howes?

  How do they let go of resentment, anger, frustration about others and about the things they've done? And that's really hard to do. You see, my, it's a sip, I don't let go, I just get a clear mind. But, uh, you know, people have been trying to figure that out for a long time.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:52Lewis Howes?

  So how do we, how did you learn how to do that?

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Well, well, one of the things that I've learned is that specifically on grudges is that we need to learn, like, we have to ask an unusual question about grudges. And that is, what did we hire the grudge to do?

• 10:09Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  As Clayton Christensen says, with any product or service that you have, you know, you don't, you don't, you don't, no one wants a six, you know, a six inch drill bit. What they want is a six inch hole, right?

• 10:23Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  You, you, you, there's a reason that you're hiring that product or service. Well, you can do the same with grudges. Every grudge we hold, we hold for a reason. We've hired the grudge to do something for us. Maybe we hire the grudge to make us feel powerful. See, I am, I am one up. I'm above that person. See, see, they did this bad thing. I'm holding on to that. See, I'll show that I'm superior. We hold on to it for a sense of superiority. Or maybe we hold on it for, because we like that we get to tell a story of being a victim. And people go, oh, yes, we get sympathy for doing it. Well, we hire grudges to do certain jobs. And what I think is that if we simply evaluate grudges, like we say, how are you doing in your job performance for me?

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Are you actually protecting me? Are you actually making me powerful? Are you actually getting people to build a stronger relationship with me? Or if you evaluate them, and in the book, there's a section specifically, one by one, you can do this. Where you you say, well, is you actually find, well, actually, it's not making me powerful. It makes me more vulnerable. It it makes me vulnerable with everyone because I'm carrying this wound still. I'm not letting it heal. Is it is it helping me to build relationships? No, if you pay attention, you notice that when you tell these stories, you kind of have to find new people to tell them to because people get bored of it.

• 11:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  And so you're not building deeper trust relationships. You're you're actually kind of wearing them out along the way. And you can go one by one to suddenly discover that this is like a bad employee. We have grudges like you you've hired them to do this. They aren't doing any of those things. They're using you. Grudges use you. They burn you up. They waste you out. They make you weaker. And so just through this process, you start to find like I'm ready ready to fire my grudges. Ready to be free of it so that I can actually recuperate whatever the percentage is. Sixty to seventy percent with Jim with Tim. Maybe it's different for other people. Get all of that back. And we can start putting that into the stuff we really wanted to do in in the first place.

• 12:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, can you imagine? There's been different stages of my life where I felt like ten out of ten. A positivity of freedom of my thoughts from holding grudges or resentments or angers. And you feel like you're flying. And there have been many years of my life, many years, too many years, where I've held on to resentment, anger, frustration, a lack of forgiving other people.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 12:54Lewis Howes?

  Where you feel like you're at a six or a seven. Maybe you get to an eight for a moment, but then something triggers you and you're back into anger frustration mode. And that really pulls me back into feeling tired, exhausted, drained and burnt out. Typically, not from the effort I put into my craft, but in the effort I put into my mind, thinking about the things I don't like.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've just, you have basically made the case for why effortless state is the first part of the effortless model. That's it exactly.

• 13:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  You, you use, think of the language you used, you feel like you're flying.

• 13:29Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Is that not just another metaphor for effortless?

• 13:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  I mean, what, what would be more effortless than I'm flying? That's the idea. That's why, even though you would never think of forgiveness as a productivity hack.

• 13:41Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Like, maybe no one's ever written that. You know, the productivity hack you need is to forgive people in your life. And yet, what else can you call it? If you could get back that much energy, that much of your own light and ability and capability, it's the best rebate available. There's a story that I came across in the research that I love of a man who was productive in his community. And then one day, he, he, he saw what he thought was a piece of string on the ground, and it was a piece of string. He gets it, he's like, oh, I can put that to use, puts it in his pocket. On that same day in the marketplace, someone else had lost a wallet and lost some money. And they thought that they had seen him pick up the wallet and take it. Accused of it publicly, there was no way for him to prove his innocence.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  And so the word went out, this person has acted dishonestly, dishonorably, and so on. Now, at this point in the story, he has a choice. He can't prove his innocence, but he could have, in this moment, let go of the accusation, of the harsh judgment. And he would have suddenly had all that energy back to be able to get back onto, well, what can I do something about? How can I serve? How can I make a contribution? How can I be successful again? But he doesn't. He gets fixated on it. Everywhere he goes, he talks about it. He nurses the grudge, he explains, it's a piece of string, don't you see it was wrong? A piece of string, a piece of string. People started laughing about this guy, all he ever wants to talk about is a piece of string. And it makes him ill.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  And on his deathbed, final words of the story, you know, a little piece of string, a little piece of string. And this is how the story goes. Now that is a fictionalized account, but it illustrates the point of where are you putting your mental energies? If we put him on grudges, if we put them on things that have happened, we wish they hadn't happened, or even on our own mistakes where we go, I wish I'd been different, we're beating ourselves up for past mistakes. We're just putting tons of effort onto things that will exhaust us and burn us out instead of moving forward to the things that really matter.

• 15:43Lewis Howes?

  So we just say that the things in our minds will hold us back from an effortless state and getting the actions and the results we want is the things in our mind first?

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Yes, definitely. There's a little story about that where I was staring at myself dressed head to toe in a stormtrooper costume.

• 16:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  And I mean, I'm in a, you know, I'm in a store of Halloween. This is like, this is expensive suits, like a movie quality stormtrooper outfit. And as I'm staring back at myself in the mirror like, should I buy this? I'm like, how am I even here? Like, what, why? For 30 years, without realizing it, I'd had this goal of buying a stormtrooper costume. Yeah. So when I reflect on it, it goes back to like when Return of the Jedi comes out and my older brother says, oh, wouldn't it be cool to have a movie quality suit? You know, wouldn't that be great? And I'm like this, you know, whatever, 10-year-old kid just amazed by this, like, yes, that would be cool. Forget about it entirely, but here we are 30 years later, still pursuing that goal.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  It's still a part of me has been working on achieving this. Well, no part of me wanted that costume. I'm like, why am I even, what am I even doing here? Let's get out of this. I don't want this costume. And it became like a shorthand. My wife will say to me now, like, if I'm pursuing something that she's like, I don't know, that has a certain vibe about it, she'll be like, is this a stormtrooper? And I think you can use that for goals that no longer serve you, but also for grudges that no longer serve you. Could be relationships that no longer serve you. Could be any mental clutter, any assumptions that are simply like that they were true to a point, but they don't serve you now. And one of those, one of those stormtroopers, I think is the idea that any problem can

• 17:30Speaker 01

  be solved by working harder. That alone is a really limiting idea. It'll get you only to here, it won't get you to there. So it's a good principle as far as it goes. But then we need to invert that question. Instead of say, how can I work harder? We say, look, is there a more effortless way of doing this? And so as you rid your mind of this old paradigm, you open yourself up to a new option, a new question. And suddenly, I mean, I almost think it's almost like magic. There's so many cool options once you're free of the idea that anything worth doing has to be exhaustingly difficult.

• 18:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What was the thought process that stuck in your mind the longest? That was the hardest to let go of? That when you let go of it, life became more effortless? Whether it be in your relationships, or your career, or whatever it might be?

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, one answer to that question is... Well, I'll give you one answer though, which is that that work, what's essential, needs to kind of be hard, drudgery. And then you've got separate to that play and fun. And that those two things are just two different categories.

• 18:48Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  They don't have to be. But we often divide them up. And so we, we, we just have the fun and the play separate. But what if they, what if the essential things can be the fun things? What if you can make the, the things that used to seem like drudgery into like fun rituals?

• 19:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, how do you make cleaning your laundry, or mopping the floor, or cleaning the toilet a fun, enjoyable experience?

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Or, which is a specific example in my family, cleaning up after dinner.

• 19:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  So we, we, we have pretty good rituals around the actual mealtime. Like, we actually eat together, I've got four kids, and my wife and I, we, we will do like, you know, we'll do toasts for each other at the end of each day. And like, what's gone right today? And we have some good rituals around this. But as soon as the dinner is over, uh, my, my kids are just like, gone.

• 19:36Lewis Howes?

  They're like, see ya on the phone.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Disappear, like, they're like ninjas, man. They're just gone. It's like so silent, and like, where did they all go? Then I have the unenviable task of like, come back and pulling them all back. Where did you all go? And, oh no, I've got homework, and it's hard to argue with that. Go to the bathroom, okay, that's hard to argue with. And it's just this cat and mouse game to get them back in. So I'm like, okay, how do we make it effortless? And so we divide up the chores, so everyone's got a certain part of it, right? Many hands make light work and we trained them on each piece. And I'm like, okay, we're gonna set this up. We wrote it all down on a piece of paper where everyone can see it. Okay, ready to start, what happens? Nothing.

• 20:13Lewis Howes?

  Chaos.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  It is back to the same. They're gone, the next day they have gone like ninjas again. And it wasn't until my eldest daughter Grace added just a particular kind of music to the occasion, that it became like karaoke. There was like classic Disney tracks. It was, I mean, she's a teenager, she's just turned eighteen now. But it's just like sing along stuff that you can't not sing to, all kinds of music. And it turned it into just like a little party. And even now, we'll start to do it, we'll have the same problems as soon as someone puts on the right music. You all do it, you play and it's like that now. In fact, I didn't think people would believe me, but the other day I wasn't even helping them. Music got put on, everyone's doing it. I grabbed like five seconds of video and put it on Instagram just to like prove like it really is like that now.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  So the idea is, one of the ideas that's hard to let go of is that essential stuff has to be the drudgery. You know, the important stuff is just hard work. Some things are just hard. And then there's fun stuff and that's play over here. But what if you make it, what if you combine those? What if you make essential stuff enjoyable? Well, then it becomes relatively speaking effortless.

• 21:17Lewis Howes?

  And I would add into that and say, if you don't make the essential stuff enjoyable, then you will be burnt out.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:24Lewis Howes?

  Even if it starts out as like fun, like practice and sports for me. There are many different sports that I played growing up. And some of them I burnt out on because it came, it started to become a job where it was only like you gotta show up to practice, you gotta work hard. This is a business mentality now and it kind of lost the idea of having fun.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:45Lewis Howes?

  When we're playing a game, but it's like the business of the game.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:49Lewis Howes?

  And

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:50Lewis Howes?

  You almost have to, so what could start out as really fun could turn into drudgery.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:56Lewis Howes?

  And what could be like this thing that I don't like could be this incredibly fun experience.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:02Lewis Howes?

  Based on the parameters you crave for yourself. I was a truck driver for many months.

• 22:09Lewis Howes?

  I got paid two hundred fifty dollars a week.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:11Lewis Howes?

  As a truck driver when I was about twenty two, twenty three years old. And I remember being like, this is miserable. This was not fun. This was not, you know, it's essential to just pay like for food for the week. It was not like the path of my life.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:25Lewis Howes?

  But it was a season of my life. And I remember saying, okay, I have an opportunity here. Like this is going to be happening for many months. I can either be in misery and pain for six hours a day driving a truck.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:37Lewis Howes?

  Or I can make the most of it. And I downloaded a CD with salsa songs and I started visualizing myself while watching the road, but visualizing myself salsa dancing. Cause I was learning how to salsa dance at that time.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 22:50Lewis Howes?

  And so I would imagine myself doing the moves and the dance and the steps and everything. And it made the time fly and it made it more enjoyable.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:58Lewis Howes?

  Would also sing songs as well and just see like, okay, how can I make this fun? Even if people are looking at me like I'm crazy. Singing along to myself. But that made it more enjoyable where it wasn't like, ah, I have to go to work and do this thing. But I had a great time and time flew.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  I love what you're saying and it really is sort of a lot of what I mean when I say effortless state. Is it like, which is, there's nothing so hard that complaining and whining about it won't make it harder. So some things in life, once you decide I'm going to do this thing. I'm dealing with this. This is a responsibility that's important to me I'm taking on. Now you just have to decide, do I want to do it the hard way or the easier way?

• 23:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. What happens when we complain and why do we complain so much?

• 23:41Speaker 01

  You know, I searched at one point when I was doing this research for like, just what are the easiest things to do in the world? Like just off the cuff, like what are the answers? And I remember that one of the first answers that people really agreed on was complaining is the easiest thing to do.

• 23:53Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  So I thought that was very interesting. And, and I took on a little exercise myself with this and I was like, okay. Well, that's not a great state to be in. A complaining state is going to limit my creativity. It's going to make it harder for me to achieve. It's going to be harder for me to attract good talent and all the rest of it. So I said, okay, every time I complain, I'm going to say something I'm grateful for.

• 24:18Lewis Howes?

  I read this in the book. I like this strategy.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Well.

• 24:21Lewis Howes?

  Really good strategy.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Well, I like that you like it. What I noticed about it was that.

• 24:24Lewis Howes?

  It didn't work?

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Well, what I noticed, not that it didn't work, I realized that I complained a lot more than I realized.

• 24:29Lewis Howes?

  Right, I read that too.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Is this, this.

• 24:33Lewis Howes?

  How much were you complaining a day when you started that strategy?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  I don't know if it's, there's a number for it, but I just found I would walk into a room and I'd be complaining. I'd see my wife and, oh, how you doing? Well, you know, this thing was a bit of a drag, that meeting took longer than I thought. And I'm like, why are you saying this? It's not even how you feel about your life. There's so many good things happening, but for some reason I was in a habit of just starting with a complaint. You see your kids, there's always someone to complain about. Well, why are you on that? Why aren't you doing this? Why haven't you cleared this thing up? There's an endless variety of complaints. And, and what I noticed was that the more I complained, the more there was to complain about. And as soon as I introduced this new habit, what I was surprised by is how fast the state changed. Because you can't be grateful and complaining in the same moment.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  You can't be fearful and grateful in the same moment. You can't be angry and grateful in the same moment. I mean, it is a, it is a dynamic, powerful, catalytic thing. It's not just, it was, for too long, we think of gratitude as being like, well, that's a nice, mindful man. Be mindful and grateful over there. But when you got to do real stuff, that's not the real stuff. Gratitude is the real stuff. This is the way to be able to accelerate success in any area of your life, and it's instantly effective. So I found that as soon as I would say I was grateful, I could see people's eyes light up, just even my kids, my wife, just, it just brought a more positive feeling. So then we carry on with our kids and I'm like, okay, my son Jack, one time, I'm like, he complained. And I'm like, okay, give me three things you're thankful for. He says this.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  I am so thankful that my dad wants to play this dumb game. After I say something I'm complaining about, right? Says it just like that. We all laugh. It works even though he did it with the worst attitude ever. And by the time he's doing two and three, he's laughing and he's saying stuff and it didn't matter. Gratitude is that powerful. And so I think it's like the fastest way to get ourselves back into an effortless state. And I learned about it first in the extremity of, you know, a family crisis. I found that this thing would help even in the direst of circumstances.

• 26:44Lewis Howes?

  Really? What crisis?

• 26:46Speaker 01

  We moved into a new neighborhood a few years ago.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Pretty picturesque, beautiful neighborhood. You know, there's like in nature, white picket fences. I mean, it's like lovely place and our children seem to thrive. They're out, you know, especially one of my daughters, Eve. She's out naming chickens. I mean, yes, we have chickens. But also just up trees, she's barefoot everywhere, she's reading endlessly. I mean, she is thriving. Just can't be angry for more than like two seconds at a time. If she tries to, she'll burst out laughing. That's just who she is. Until she turned 14. And then she just was like taking longer to do her chores. She's not as talkative anymore. And she's a little physically awkward. And we think, well, this is all pretty age appropriate behavior.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  14, okay, fine, we don't think much of it. But then we take her to a physical therapy appointment, just normal. And he, the therapist pulls over my wife's side and says, you know, she failed a reflex test. And like the whole point is you can't fail those, right? Like they're just basic health. And so the fact she didn't respond to it, he said like, that's normally kind of neurological.

• 28:01Lewis Howes?

  You mean like the knee test where they hit you on the knee?

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Basically, there's a few different ones, but that's one of them. You can do the same with the feet and your toes curl up a certain direction. There's nothing you can do to stop that, that's what happens. But she wasn't responding in the way that she should have done to those. And so you don't have to be told twice, right? Like for real, you're like, okay, maybe what we've seen as being. Normal developmental behavior isn't at all. And we suddenly, I mean, we went to a neurologist immediately, but also just reexamined her behavior. And what followed for the next several months was a complete discombobulation of her abilities. It's like taking someone perfectly healthy and just, I don't know, like, just making them go super slow.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  So like, instead of eating a meal in, I don't know, half an hour like everyone else, it's taking her hours.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Instead of being able to write, you know, a page a night easily and fast, it's taking her, literally, I have it recorded, two minutes to write her own name.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  First, the whole right-hand side of her body stops moving.

• 29:07Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  The same pace as her left. Personality changed, she just no emotion in her anymore. And all the while, these neurologists, these lifelong neurologists, cannot give us even the beginning of a diagnosis.

• 29:21Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  So there's nothing. We're getting no information.

• 29:24Lewis Howes?

  That's scary.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, um, what it is really is the stuff that agony is made of, right? That is, that is human suffering. I, I, I, that's in the category. There's worse stuff, but it's in the category of the worst stuff. And that really opened us up to this moment. I remember in my mind's eye, seeing this like two paths ahead of us.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  And the first path was like the heavy, hard, hard path, and the other one was the easier path. And you might say, well, it's obvious which one you should take. But actually, it wasn't. The temptation or even the inclination was the heavier path. What does that look like? Relentless research. Night and day, all-nighters. Every neurologist on the planet. Every email you get from well-intended people saying, well, maybe she has this, you study that problem. You, you, you talk of nothing else. You think of nothing else. You, you get obsessed about it. I mean, that's actually the path that we felt. Like leaning into.

• 30:26Lewis Howes?

  Cause you wanted to figure out the solution.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:28Lewis Howes?

  What's the problem, what's the solution?

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Yes, because because of an assumption that says, look, the more important it is, it's such an important thing, you have to kill yourself to go do it. And or even just even just a path of even blaming. And we talk about holding grudges, we could have held grudges there, why these neurologists, they don't know anything, why can't they know something? Why is it happening to Eve? You know, she's innocent, this is unfair, this is wrong. I mean, there's a whole set of approaches, I think, that we, you know, really were on the edge of doing. And then I had this sort of feeling one day, like among among the reactions that we were having, one was this idea, like, go and read this particular article. It's it's an article, it's a church article, it's by Gordon B.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Hinkley, and it's it's a it's an article about optimism and thankfulness.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  And I started, I felt like really kind of guided to like, listen or read to that every day, and I did, almost every day for the next, like, four months.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  And what happened in that moment, really, or not that that experience, was that, like, it was like my mind was being re-engineered. In the midst of this excruciating experience, there was this alternative path, there was a different way to do life that started to open up, and it began with gratitude. We will be grateful, relentlessly grateful, anything we can be grateful for, we're gonna say it, we're gonna say it out loud, we're gonna say it to each other. Uh, we're gonna catch people doing the right things, we're gonna catch the neurologists doing the right things, and, well, they're they're willing to meet with us, thank goodness that they're willing to meet with us, that's a good thing.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  And what that did is it created almost instantly, this kind of magical force at play, it meant that we were able to just stay optimistic when, you know, you're getting sent emails every day almost from people saying, well, maybe she has this thing that's gonna kill her, maybe she's gonna have this thing, and that's what you're getting all the time from well-intended people, and it started opening us up to like, well, well, let's let's let's have joy through this, let's let's get around the piano and sing together, and we're gonna still eat dinner together, we're still gonna laugh together, we're gonna still gonna, and it just kept us positive and open and healthy.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  And our marriage didn't collapse, our family didn't collapse, the culture was actually positive. And I would say overall, the experience, sometimes agonizing, sometimes tears, but overall, I would say it was joy. And I don't say that lightly. I know what it was, but I also know what happened as we took this alternative path. And, you know, if it was a Disney story, I'd just say, oh, it worked out perfectly happily ever after. She got a series of treatment, pretty miraculously, that got her much better. But then the symptoms returned and we had to go through the whole cycle again from the beginning. And if we had taken that heavier, harder, just grinding effort, I think we'd have had nothing left of us.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Either physically nothing, emotionally nothing, mentally nothing, but also the culture of the family would have been so burned out. I think that's the stuff that breaks people. And instead, the, the, the culture just, just thrived. It really worked. And so now, two years through this experience, she's gone through a whole nother set of treatment. As of this conversation, she is, I would just describe her as back. Back mentally, back physically, back emotionally, just back. She is back.

• 33:55Lewis Howes?

  Congratulations, that's amazing.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Well, it, it, it is, and it's a, you know, but it's, it's something to be grateful about all the time for us. But also, out of those experiences, really came the fire for the deed for this. First, to save myself and my own family, to find what are the principles and practices that make doing what matters a little easier, a little more effortless. But also now then to write about it and to share it with others. And I think it comes about at a time that it has the power of relevancy, because who isn't feeling a bit burned out right now? Who isn't feeling like, well, maybe I got good results, but through grinding effort, do I have another year in me of this?

• 34:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, now I'm exhausted.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  We're exhausted. And so you've got these highly engaged, capable, driven people, who are so scripted in the idea that the only path to greater success is through more hustle. Well, they're out of juice, so I guess they have to give up on their goals.

• 34:50Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  No, there's an alternative path. There's a different way, there's a better way of doing life. Starts by getting this effortless state. The gratitude is a fast mover. And the reason the gratitude is so pivotal, I think, is because when we focus on what, when we focus on what we lack. We lose what we have.

• 35:12Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  And when we focus on what we have, we gain what we lack.

• 35:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. That's two full pages in your book.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:20Lewis Howes?

  Side by side.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:21Lewis Howes?

  I love that.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a, it was a big part of the lesson that the Eve experience taught us.

• 35:26Lewis Howes?

  Say it one more time.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  When we focus on what we lack, we lose what we have. When we focus on what we have, we gain what we lack.

• 35:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  And that goes on and on, and that's why it's at the core of the model. Because as you get into that more grateful state, you cleanse out so much clutter and you start to see the world differently. So effortless action starts to be more achievable.

• 35:53Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:53Speaker 01

  You start to build better relationships with the people around you. And, and really, I, if you, you know, if you had, you know, gun to my head, what's the most important thing in effortless? I actually think this is a pretty good contender for that. Because it creates an upward momentum. It creates a spiral of success that, that I think brings to you the results you want.

• 36:17Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  I, I, I think you can't overdo this. I think if you are grateful in everything, you will attract exactly the things that you currently lack.

• 36:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  You'll start to see opportunities that were always there, but you couldn't see them before. It's like the, um, um, you know, if you go fly fishing, which I have never done. But if you do.

• 36:39Lewis Howes?

  It's hard. I've done it once.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 36:41Lewis Howes?

  I did it once and I couldn't catch anything. It was hard.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Well, do you know about the hat, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, if you put on polarized sunglasses? You know about this? Okay, so if you put on polarized sunglasses when you go fly fishing, it, it means that like the water, it refracts the reflection of the water, the, the light on the water, so you can see under the water.

• 36:58Lewis Howes?

  Huh.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  That's, that's how it works.

• 37:00Lewis Howes?

  That's what they say.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  The, the polarized sunglasses are. Vertical and whatever. So it means you can see the fish underneath, which goes makes it

• 37:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, towards them, yeah.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  You know where they are. And as a metaphor, I think gratitude is like that. That it allows you to see what's currently being hidden by grudges, complaining, criticizing by all paradigms that don't serve you, old goals that no longer are interesting, actually interesting you, but they are controlling you. All of that gets in the way of seeing the opportunity that is really there. And as soon as you can rid yourself of that, you you suddenly go, my goodness, there's so much here. There's so much more that's working on my behalf. There's so much in my life that I've been complaining about that actually was given to me. It was happening for me, not to me. And and it just gets you into a state that's like, well, whatever the next challenge is, I'm in a better position to be able to handle it.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  For us, the next thing was the pandemic. So

• 37:59Lewis Howes?

  You're prepared.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you your culture is prepared. Your state is prepared. So you can deal with it with a different, better state than you otherwise would have done.

• 38:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's interesting. You know, all roads go back to how we think about ourselves and about others and about the world.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:15Lewis Howes?

  And our thoughts.

• 38:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:17Lewis Howes?

  And our perspective on different things. You know, when I went to India and studied meditation at a facility many years ago, four or five years ago now.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:28Lewis Howes?

  They mentioned that there are two states, two two human states, a beautiful state and a suffering state.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:36Lewis Howes?

  The suffering state is where we're holding on to the past, you know, resentful, angry, comparing all those different things. The beautiful state is gratitude, you know, wanting to support other people, seeing other people succeed, appreciation, those things.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 38:53Lewis Howes?

  And any moment we're thinking about what we lack, we suffer.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 38:58Lewis Howes?

  And any moment we think about what we are grateful for, we're in a more beautiful state.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:03Lewis Howes?

  A peaceful state of being.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:05Lewis Howes?

  And

• 39:06Speaker 01

  I want to build on that for a second.

• 39:07Lewis Howes?

  Yes, go ahead.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  I just had Benjamin Hardy on the What's Essential podcast, and we were talking about this. And he summarized it this way. He said, are you in the gain or the gap? I love that phrase. If you're in the gap.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  You're looking at what you haven't achieved yet, how life isn't the way you want it to be, where you failed, you know, what's ahead of you. If you're in, and basically, he just says, "You can do it that way, but you will be unhappy."

• 39:38Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  If you can live that way.

• 39:40Lewis Howes?

  If you're in the gap.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  If you're in the gap.

• 39:42Lewis Howes?

  Of what's missing.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  What's missing. What you haven't achieved, who you haven't become. But if you move into the gain, that's, "What progress have I already made? Who have I become so far? What did I used to be compared to now? I've become something better." If you can look at the gains you've made, he says, "The difference is you simply will be happy in your journey."

• 40:07Lewis Howes?

  Not only focusing on where I'm not, where I want to be, what's in between now and where I want to be, but think about everything I've become up until now.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  So you've got to, is it thinking about both? Is it thinking about, okay, I want to be here, but in order to get there, I've got to appreciate how far I've come, where I'm at right now.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Well, I think for achievers, they will never, ever get rid of 100% of the gap thinking. And they're never going to do that.

• 40:32Lewis Howes?

  How do I improve? How do I grow? How do I earn more? How do I achieve?

• 40:35Speaker 01

  So we don't have to worry about that. When we try to make these adjustments, we don't have to be like, well, what if I only ever thought about the gain and never thought about the gap? Like, whatever, that's never happening to me. It's never going to happen to you. We don't have to worry about that. The question is, could we spend a little more? What's the ratio? We spend a little more in the gain. And when we start to feel, you know, when we start to feel miserable, well, you're going to find you're in the gap.

• 41:00Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  So it's time to just take a pause, be a bit grateful. I need this as a sort of mental health practice. I write like what I'm grateful for at the end of the day, I try and do each week. Um, haven't done it each week through the pandemic. I used to have a routine for it. Started again recently out of a need, not like I am so enlightened, I must do this. It's if I don't do this, it is miserable.

• 41:23Lewis Howes?

  I'm miserable.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna do it out of self preservation. But I find it like I find it amazing, unbelievable sometimes. What I have already forgotten about in the day I'm writing it. Like literally.

• 41:36Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean? What you forgot about things you've done good or things that suffer?

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Things that were good today that I've already forgotten, moving on to the things.

• 41:43Lewis Howes?

  Because you're comparing about something or you're lacking or I wish I had this or that person did this thing.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Exactly. So for me, it is, it is a therapeutic thing to each day just to go, okay, what are you thankful for? Let's really think about it. Let's review the day. Sometimes there are amazing things. That I have already just slipped from my memory. So we're just, I think terribly forgetful creatures. And especially for achievement orientation, we're like so looking for the next achievement. That we forget like, wow, let's take a moment.

• 42:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Let's pause and enjoy the blessing of this great thing that happened today.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  So what I'm hearing you say is the greatest keys to the highest level of productivity hacking.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:27Lewis Howes?

  Is forgiveness and gratitude.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:30Lewis Howes?

  Is there anything else that would go in there as the highest productivity hack?

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Um, I think inverting the question.

• 42:37Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Would go in there.

• 42:39Lewis Howes?

  How would you invert it?

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Well, it's just literally instead of, well, most of the questions we ask sit in like the back of our head. Like we're not aware of them. So we live out answers to questions. We don't even know we're asking. Our brains like Google search and we're tab somewhere along the line. We said, okay. How can you work harder so you can achieve your goal? That's just back there somewhere. And now we keep having answers. Well, I guess I need to do more here because I've not got the result I want. And I guess I need to do, you know, more hours on this issue and put more. We're just, those are answers to a question. And we're not aware of it. So we can invert that question into simply asking. How can I make this effortless? I was working with a manager. She's um, she's the kind of person.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  She's just like the kind of person who's watching this or or or listening to this.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  She was four AM in the morning photoshopping. For a nonprofit thing she's doing the next day with a group of youth at her church. That's what she's doing at four AM. Why? Why is she doing that? Why? Well, she's the kind of person who doesn't even take lunch because she feels guilty.

• 43:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  That's too selfish. Because you see, if you believe, if you have the assumption that more work equals better results, if you believe that that's an absolute statement, that somehow got ingrained in you, then you'll act out all sorts of peculiar ways. That are counterproductive. So I said, okay, just forget all that. Like, we're gonna ask another question that's gonna kind of cleanse all of this. Just next time you're asked to do something, you just pause for a second to ask, how could this be effortless? So she's working at a university. She's the manager of the administration. She gets a professor who calls her and says, look, I want you to, you know, could you record a semester of my, you know, my, my class? And she almost jumps into that.

• 44:29Lewis Howes?

  Meaning like come and take notes the whole semester or what do you mean record?

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Record it, video recording.

• 44:33Lewis Howes?

  Oh, sit there and record.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 44:34Lewis Howes?

  For free or something or?

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Well, she has a team that's a videography team. She's got several teams. One of them's a videography team. So she almost is like, well, I've got the capability. We've got the team. Let's make it happen. I'm gonna add graphics. I'll add music. We'll have intros, outros. We'll edit the whole semester. I mean, she's get, I'm gonna wow this guy. This is all going on in her head.

• 44:52Lewis Howes?

  For free or paid?

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Well, she's, she's, it's, it's her managerial job, so it's paid, but it's not like a new gig.

• 44:59Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  It's just one more thing on her plate.

• 45:02Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  And then she remembers I gotta ask this question. What, if this could be effortless, is there a simpler way to get the result we're going for here? She asks a couple more questions to him. Well, it turns out this is all for one student, who has an athletic commitment, so he'll miss some of those sessions, some of the classes through the semester. But he needs this class to graduate, so he's trying to accommodate this individual. They come up with a solution. One of the other students is going to record on the iPhone, whatever classes he misses, and email it to him. That's it. Ten minutes call, saves four months of work for her, her videography team, everything. And she just steps back and she's just like, what just happened? She would have gone down this one path, thinking it was the only path. This is the way to achieve.

• 45:47Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  And she achieved the same result with ten minutes of work. That story is so available to us. Again and again and again. I am telling you, it's like, I don't hate to use the word magic, because it sounds so like, whatever. But it is almost like that. It's the closest I've come across to like, human dynamic magic is asking this question. We just don't ask it, so our brain can't search for an effortless solution.

• 46:13Lewis Howes?

  So, the greatest productivity hack is asking the question, how can I make this more effortless?

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that's, I think those three that you said, I would say yes.

• 46:23Lewis Howes?

  Forgiveness, gratitude, and asking the question.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:25Lewis Howes?

  How can I make this effortless?

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Yes. I was just talking to somebody yesterday who spent years in the military. Right, talk about an experience that's going to train you in embrace the suck, do the hard way journey, right?

• 46:42Lewis Howes?

  Discipline, hard work.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  It's all about hard work. I'm not against hard work, it's just not the only strategy. I'm not against it, it's just not the only question we can ask if we want to achieve something. He gives me this scenario, so he got to the point where he's in special ops. He has a specific situation. If they need to get in, he was in Iraq, Afghanistan, there would be times he had a high value, you know, target. They have to get to the door, these metal doors, they're like barricaded. And they got to blow these things up. And the way that they would do it is that they would put explosives on the hinges of the door, blow them up, and then they can get inside. He said, now, the problem with that is that it's super loud. So you draw massive attention to yourself.

• 47:22Lewis Howes?

  What's going on?

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Exactly, and the whole community, the whole area suddenly there. That increases your risk. It makes it harder to entry because you've got this whole hole in the door. It's just this crazy environment.

• 47:33Lewis Howes?

  Smoke everywhere, you can't see anything.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  Exactly. So actually, it is a pretty rough way to achieve your objective. But that was all they had. What's an effortless way? Well, he had somebody on his team who was the son of a carpenter. He said, look, if you just get me a hydraulic drill. I can do this in like half a second. We'll just take the hinges off. There'll be no sound, no, you know, no smoke, no explosives, no danger, no additional risk. Well, that's the effortless part. And there are so many ways to do this. But it's just like, we just don't know that that path is even there because we're not asking that question. If you don't search in Google for X, then you're never going to get answers to X. You're going to find lots and lots of answers for something else.

• 48:16Lewis Howes?

  It's funny, I interviewed someone who, that was his job as a Navy SEAL. Where he was the guy who put the bombs on the door to, or on the wall to blow it up. So that they could all enter.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:29Lewis Howes?

  That was his job.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:30Lewis Howes?

  And there's a lot of risk with the hard way also. Where what if one of the bombs goes off when you're deploying it? And then the person dies.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:39Lewis Howes?

  What if the shrapnel that comes from those bombs, the effects of it hurting people around there?

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:45Lewis Howes?

  Also, you can only do that job for so long, from my memory of what he said. Because I guess either you can't go far enough away. Or you can't get enough barrier from that. Where it actually hurts your ears so much from the explosion over and over again.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 49:01Lewis Howes?

  That I think he left, if my memory is correct, because of like the ear stuff. Like the explosion caused so much in the ear where he's like, okay, it's too damaging.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:11Lewis Howes?

  So the hard way, the forceful way.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:14Lewis Howes?

  Has a lot of repercussions.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  It's a great metaphor for what you just said. For the, for the argument against the exhausting. Always hard and always hustle strategy.

• 49:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a time that just force is great. It helps.

• 49:28Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  But what if you can find a better leverage? What if you can find a different path to achieve your, the results you want?

• 49:36Lewis Howes?

  There's a thing called, you mentioned leverage just now. There's a thing

• 49:40Lewis Howes?

  in productivity hacking called delegation.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 49:44Lewis Howes?

  What's your thoughts on delegation versus leverage?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Oh, that's interesting. I mean, I think of, so

• 49:53Speaker 01

  structurally from the book, we've talked a lot about effortless state. Effortless action is how to make

• 49:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  an action easier one time, which is useful in all sorts of settings.

• 50:03Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  But the final section of effortless results, what I mean by that is to make, to create effort one time that produces results many, many times over for you. They flow to you.

• 50:15Lewis Howes?

  Give me an example.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Well, you used the, asked about delegation and this would be an example. If I can hire someone that I trust highly, by which I would use Warren Buffett's, you know,

• 50:28Lewis Howes?

  Three eyes.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  criteria, right? Three eyes. Integrity, intelligence, initiative. If I can hire someone like that, if I can set up for them a high trust agreement, which I outlined in that chapter in the book, then they can operate working for me, working as a team effortlessly, many, many times in a row. If I hire the wrong person, give them a low trust agreement, which basically means I didn't even come up with an agreement. We just did it randomly and kind of hacked our way through it, then I can end up getting poor results many, many times over. So I don't see delegation itself as inherently effortless or exhausting. It's doing it right, setting it up one time right is worth the effort.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Getting, yes, you want to throw a person at a problem. When you, when you're an entrepreneur

• 51:19Lewis Howes?

  You need to hire quick. You're like, I need to see someone in there to solve this. It's not on the time, the energy.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  And it's very tempting.

• 51:25Lewis Howes?

  That blows up most of the time.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  Well, that's it. And so you get poor results many, many times over.

• 51:30Lewis Howes?

  And then you're resentful. And you go back to the thoughts of like, why is this person here? You have a sport in your book about this. Why is this person here? And you think about that for years until you finally let them go or or they screw you over, like happened in your book where someone took all the money.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 51:46Lewis Howes?

  And then it's a bigger problem longer.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, that's that was Steve Hall hires somebody to work in his accounting department. They find after a few years a $300,000 deficit. Ask her about it. She says, well, you know, it's just an error, you know, it's my fault. And after that, they didn't trust her properly, but they just were running too fast. They thought it would be economic to just leave her in that place.

• 52:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  And in the end, they said, you know, it went on for a couple more years and it was then $2 million.

• 52:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  And she, you know, they she texts everybody, I'm quitting and.

• 52:19Lewis Howes?

  Leaves.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Gone. They never even saw her again. So he then said, OK, I've made a false decision here. I thought I was taking the quick path, but really this is the expensive path because of the residual effect of hiring the wrong person. So if you hire the right person, they went through a thorough process, the three I's, found somebody that person has just been a dividend every single day. Doesn't have to be micromanaged, doesn't have to be controlled, you don't have to put someone watching over them because they have the integrity already. And trust makes everything so much faster, so much easier. If you hire someone that you trust, everything is easier. If you hire someone you don't trust, everything is harder.

• 53:01Lewis Howes?

  And it's it's hard once they've lost their trust a few times over and over again. If you don't make a decision on how to shift that quickly, you're going to be thinking about can I trust them in the back of your mind?

• 53:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:14Lewis Howes?

  So you need to let them go or create a new agreement and commitment to move forward. And then let the thought of I can't trust this person go.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think you're right. You you you have if you have a situation where there's sort of low trust in a relationship. You sort of owe it to that person and to yourself to do basically either let them go, like, hey, listen, it's not working. Let you get on with your life, I'm going to get on with mine. That is, I think, a legitimate option. Option two is maybe we didn't get an agreement really clear here. Let's reset. And you have the reset conversation.

• 53:45Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  And it could be in the reset that they go, I don't want to do that. And now you know, so now it's good. Now we know it isn't going to work because you don't want to do what it is I'm asking you to do. But getting the agreement is written down like a social agreement. I call it high trust agreement in the book where you're clear on what are the results? What are the resources available to you? How will the accountability be given? Is it once a week? I want a written report from you. Is it once a week? We're gonna have a one on one. You get clear on this. And if you get clear enough on it, then sometimes you can turn a lower trust situation into a high performing situation.

• 54:22Lewis Howes?

  What are the factors of this high trust contract we should be thinking about? And there you have a whole spot in the book about this.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I mean, the first thing, I think the most important thing is results. Getting absolutely clear what is the right result? What do you want from this person? Getting agreement that you both agree and understand what that is. When people aren't clear about what they are to deliver on. I mean, think of how frustrating that is for them and for you and for everyone involved. And before I go through the other steps on it, let me just make the one broader point, which is that every relationship has three parties to it. Right, there's person A, there's person B, and then there's the agreement.

• 55:08Lewis Howes?

  The agreement to the relationship.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  The agreement to the relationship.

• 55:11Lewis Howes?

  The challenge, before we get into that, the challenge with most romantic relationships is that, and business relationships, is the uncommunicated expectation.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 55:22Lewis Howes?

  That one person says, well, I am assuming they know the agreement, but they haven't communicated it.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 55:28Lewis Howes?

  And the other person's like, well, that's not what you ever said. I didn't agree to that, and I thought you thought this thing.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  What you have is by default, you actually have created a low trust agreement.

• 55:39Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  So sometimes it isn't them, and it isn't you, which is what you think it is. Well, it's either them, and I'm blaming them. And sometimes you go, well, they seem like they're okay sometimes. Maybe it's me, and neither of those are helpful. Very often, it is the agreement that you have come to that is unclear. I mean, how clear are you on the results? Not clear. How clear are you on the rules of how we're going to work together? The rules are unclear. You have a set of rules. I have a different set of rules. We're violating them all the time with each other because we haven't got clear about the rules. Resources might seem a little different in a romantic relationship, but in a corporate employee relationship, it's important. What resources do they have available? What is reasonable for them to use?

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Even in a, you know, even in a romantic relationship, you could have, you know, we make these kinds of decisions together and these kinds of decisions are independent. You could get clear about that, what resources are available to help you with it. And then I think, you know, ultimately, the final and most important part of it is this accountability, that you have a clear way of reporting, that'd be the alliteration, the "are" there, reporting it so that you're just not taking that for granted.

• 56:56Lewis Howes?

  Clear results, rules, resources, accountability. Was there something else I missed?

• 56:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, those were the ones. I think there's another one in the book, but I can't remember. Someone should read the book.

• 57:04Lewis Howes?

  It's all good, yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean, I think that works for romantic relationships as well. If you don't have clear results of what you're looking to create, which could be a vision for our relationship, what are we looking to have here? Do we want to be, you know, have a family? Do we want it to be a healthy relationship? Are we looking to make an impact as a relationship? What is the results, the rules? Here's what is acceptable, not acceptable, the boundaries, you could say.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 57:28Lewis Howes?

  Don't cross these boundaries. I won't cross these for you.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 57:31Lewis Howes?

  The resources, who's using their time to create something? Who's using money? How are we sharing these resources?

• 57:37Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 57:38Lewis Howes?

  To make the relationship healthier. And then accountability, how are we holding each other accountable?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:43Lewis Howes?

  So it works in business and intimate, I think.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Yes, I think so. I mean, I mean, I'm thinking here about a conversation I just had with Eve Rodsky, who wrote a book called Fair Play. And one of the, now I'm down a rabbit hole on this, but she, she works with these highly dysfunctional, high net worth families.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  And so it's like Knives Out. Do you see the movie Knives Out?

• 58:07Lewis Howes?

  I think I watched part of it. I know what you mean. Yes.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  This, she works with the real Knives Out families. And one of the things she learned is that you have to try and create, um, I mean, one of the things she just said to me the other day, this is what made me think of it, is that she thinks in every employee relationship, there should be a prenup agreement. And I love this idea, and I think it aligns with this idea of the, of the high trust agreement. Because every employee relationship is going to end.

• 58:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  And yet we use as our model, like marriage and family, we talk about that, well, we're a family here. And, and you know, it's like, no, you're not. You don't, you, you, it's something else. And what is valuable about employee relationship is that you're not family, that you can say, we can work together, collaborate together for a year, for five years, maybe we do it for 20 years. But one day we're not going to, because we're not married.

• 59:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  And yet we operate as if it's going to be forever. And I think that actually introduces a lot of dysfunction onto teams. And I think what you need is like, okay, one day we aren't going to do this. Let's make sure we get out, we can do this in a way that we can leave and be okay with that.

• 59:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Have you heard of the book Conscious Uncoupling?

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Yes, I have.

• 59:19Lewis Howes?

  Catherine Woodward Thomas, who's been on here, is amazing. She's awesome. And she's helped many people consciously uncouple.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:25Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to the hard way of doing it, the effort way of doing it, which is, I hate you and you hate me and lawyers and mitigation and I'm stealing your money and I owned, I deserve this.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:37Lewis Howes?

  Blowups for years, anger and sadness. It's like, what's the effortless way to do this?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  It, it's a full circle back because, because you can think about like even the biblical idea, which I think is so applicable, which is like to agree with thine adversary quickly.

• 59:53Lewis Howes?

  And not like 10 years of dragging out something.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Yes, because it kills people, man.

• 59:58Lewis Howes?

  It's exhausting.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  I talked to somebody the other day and they were talking about their brother and they said this guy, and he, he's made a lot of money, but he spent a third of his life has been. In a huge, uh, like legal

• 1:00:12Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Connection.

• 1:00:13Lewis Howes?

  It's so exhausting.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  You, who, you, you say, are you making a bargain? I need that. I want that. I'm gonna get that. It's like you've heard of it and I've actually seen it now. So it's not just a metaphor, but like the monkeys who get their hands caught in something and they can't get their, you know.

• 1:00:27Lewis Howes?

  They're holding on to the.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  And they can't get, they can't pull their hand out of the, the, you know, whatever the container is. Yeah.

• 1:00:33Lewis Howes?

  The trap, whatever.

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  This, the trap is, yeah, I've seen it online.

• 1:00:35Lewis Howes?

  It's a coconut or something, right?

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  The one I saw.

• 1:00:37Lewis Howes?

  Coconut and they can't get out.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  The one I saw was actually like kind of a little, almost like a little cave

• 1:00:41Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  On this mound. And so they just, as soon as their hand was in it, they just couldn't get away because they wanted to hold on to it. We do that. We want the thing we want, but actually often we end up without the thing we want and we do it for 10 years or years and all the emotional stress and all of it. It is, it is the harder way. Then let it go. You get all that time back, all that emotion back. Get on with creating the thing that you want to create. I think it's, I truly think it is, it is a more effortless way of doing it.

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  The employee prenup agreement, what would that look like?

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, I don't think it's, I mean, I just think it says when this, when we get to an end.

• 1:01:18Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  I mean, different to a marriage because you don't, even in a prenup with a marriage, you're not wanting to assume it's gonna end.

• 1:01:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  But with this, you know it will. So it just says, when it ends, we're gonna try and honor these, these ways of doing it.

• 1:01:31Lewis Howes?

  These rules.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  These rules. When you, when you leave, we'll, we'll honor, we'll do it this way and we'll ask you to do the same. It just, I think it just the contemplation. It's my kind of advice. The first day of your job, you should be saying, what's my exit strategy? Not because you'll know the answer, but because it's gonna happen one day. So you might as well understand that from the beginning.

• 1:01:54Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Rather than, okay, well, it's not going well. I'm gonna keep on what? Working harder. I'm gonna keep doing this. I'm gonna do it for years and years and pour more and more of my lifeblood into this to make it work and make it work because I have to. Because you don't have to.

• 1:02:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  What a liberating thing for everyone involved. It's okay.

• 1:02:13Lewis Howes?

  So it's getting into the state, the state of mind first, where we're letting go.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:02:18Lewis Howes?

  Destroying, letting go.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Releasing.

• 1:02:21Lewis Howes?

  Releasing these negative thoughts.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:02:23Lewis Howes?

  These beliefs that hold us into a low level state.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:02:28Lewis Howes?

  So that we can have a more effortless state.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  Yep. Effortless action, which we didn't, we kind of skipped.

• 1:02:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, so effortless action. So we get into a state of mental flow where we are free from the prisonist thoughts that keep us trapped.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:02:45Lewis Howes?

  And at a two as opposed to a 10 emotionally. Then from there, we can take it into action. So how do we create an effortless action state?

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Well, the effortless action is a natural, I can connect these three dots here, these three areas by thinking about, you know, when you have somebody NBA, they come up to do a free throw. You see these three steps.

• 1:03:07Lewis Howes?

  You talked about the girl 94% free throw average.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:03:11Lewis Howes?

  In the WNBA? That's amazing.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Yes, she's the most successful free thrower across the NBA, WNBA, like in history.

• 1:03:18Lewis Howes?

  What's her name, Susan or Sue?

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, Dune.

• 1:03:21Lewis Howes?

  Dune, something Dune.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  And, and yeah, now I'm thinking about that too.

• 1:03:26Lewis Howes?

  Something like 94% of them, right?

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  So basically, she never misses, right? I mean, that is what, that's the bottom line.

• 1:03:31Lewis Howes?

  It's going in. You foul her, she's making two shots.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Exactly. And so, but, but, but anyone you see doing this, you've watched them do the three steps. The first thing they're doing is they're getting to the, you know, they're finding the dot. They're dribbling the ball three times. Why are they even doing that? It's just a ritual to get into an effortless state.

• 1:03:47Lewis Howes?

  To clear their mind.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  You almost can see them doing it. Try to clear out the noise so that not distracted by all the fans that are trying to distract them and, and all the pressure that they can feel and all the things that would get them out of being able to do the job well. That's step one. Step two, I mean, he, she says it this way. She's like, just do it the simplest possible way. You don't overthink it. You don't try, overtry it. You know, so it's, you know, you're lifting your elbow to the square. You're doing it as simply as you've done it, practiced many times. Effortless action. And then the effortless result, of course, is that the people that are best at this, like her. The ball almost just bounces back to them. They don't even almost have to move. The result can be done again and again and again. So that's how to connect the three state, action and results.

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  But the action is really about how do you simplify, declutter the job at hand? There's a few specific questions I think help. Anytime you have an essential project, you say,

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  you say, what does done look like?

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  What is the first obvious step you can take? So you're not worried about the hundredth step or the thousandth step, you're just the first obvious step. And then you say, okay, well, how can I, how can I take a 10 minute micro burst on that thing? How can I, what are the minimum number of steps I can take in order to achieve the result I want? And then if it's a long ongoing project or process, how can I pace myself? So I'm within an effortless pace on the journey. Those are kind of the five questions I think that really help and you can apply it to one project. Yeah. I was just talking to someone on a podcast. I said, okay, what's essential to you that you're under investing in? They said, they said eating healthy. Okay. So now we know, and it really matters to them because of a variety of reasons.

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  They're not doing it. They're not doing it. And It's in the gap. It's in the gap. I said, okay, how can we make it effortless? I said, I said, what does done look like? He said, well, it just means that I have food when I'm hungry. So I don't wait till I'm past hungry and eat junk. That's what success looks like. That's what done looks like. I said, okay, what's the first obvious step for doing that? He said, well, I would just get one of these services that, you know, they're going to automatically send it. Meal plan. Delivers it. Delivers it. And what's the first step? Well, I just search for that. I'd search on Google for, for, for something in the area. I said, what's the, what would you do within first 10 minutes? A micro burst, what can you do in 10 minutes for that? He says, he said, well, actually I think within 10 minutes I could probably do it, solve it. I put in my credit card, choose the meals and set it up with my address. Done.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  And there was this like kind of this weird pause. And I'm like, was that really it? He's like, yeah, that would do it.

• 1:06:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  I said, I said, how long you been struggling with this problem? He's like 20 years. Literally, he's like 20 years. 10 minutes to solve a problem that took, has been with him for 20 years. So that's what effortless action looks like. It's asking a few questions, a very simple process that helps take something that would either be procrastinated. You don't even start it. Or you've been such a perfectionist about it, you don't finish it.

• 1:06:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's removing the obstacle of saying in that scenario of like, okay, well, every Sunday I'm going to the grocery store and I'm going to meal plan and I'm going to cook all afternoon. And then I'm going to get the plastic bins and put them in for myself. And it's going to take all day just to do this one action. And we think about that and we're like, that's exhausting.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  And so you don't even bother.

• 1:07:13Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're like, I don't have the time, I don't have the energy. I'm drained right now, let me eat a Snickers.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:07:18Lewis Howes?

  Cause I'm emotionally drained, I need sugar.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  And you, oh, you, you, you, you just, what happens, it's like when you look at a slide, you know, if somebody has a presentation and there's 500 words on the slide. We don't read the first 400 words and give up. We do like the pre-scan, we're like, am I ever going to read that? I'm never going to read that.

• 1:07:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I give up.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  We give up before we even begin.

• 1:07:37Lewis Howes?

  It's too hard.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  It's too hard. And so if we perceive something as overwhelming, we just don't even get going with it. There's a small, tiny example in my own life, but while I was writing the book, I'm like thinking about these things and I look around my office, I want to clean it up and I see a printer on the floor. It's been there two weeks. We've replaced the printer, it's no big deal, but now I don't know what to do with this printer. I have not spent hours thinking about it, but every time I think about it, it's just a bit overwhelming. Do I give it away? If I give it away, who would I give it to? Do I sell it? If I sell it, where would I sell it? And I don't know. Do I, do I throw it away? Well, if I throw it away, I have to find a digital recycling place. Cause that's all enough in my head, the 10 seconds, five seconds of thinking about it, I'm like, oh no, I'm doing something else. And that's why it's there for two weeks.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  So I ask the different question, right? How can I make this effortless? And I look up, there's some workers that are outside and I'm like, I wonder if they want it.

• 1:08:28Lewis Howes?

  And you go, what?

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  I walk out there, ask if they want it, they do want it. Within two minutes of asking the question, I don't just have a solution, it's executed. They said yes, I come back in, I give it to them, it's done. But that's like, again, it's like kind of full circle. It's like asking that question delivers options that previously weren't available. Two weeks hasn't been available because I'm asking, I'm not asking the right question.

• 1:08:50Lewis Howes?

  Here's a first world dilemma.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:08:53Lewis Howes?

  That I get a lot of our audience. They say, Louis, when they're thinking about their, their next move, maybe they've had a little bit of success. Maybe they're have their basic needs met and they've got some money coming in. And they say this to me all the time. Louis, I don't know what to do next. I have so many passions, so many things I love to do.

• 1:09:16Lewis Howes?

  I want to do them all.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Lewis Howes?

  When someone has the first world problem of lots of options, wanting to do them all.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:23Lewis Howes?

  And yet they become a master of nothing and they get, they put a lot of energy spread thin across everything.

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:09:31Lewis Howes?

  They get very little results.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:33Lewis Howes?

  What do you say to someone on how to make a better decision on what actions, what, where should they should put a majority of their energy on those things? Should they spread it across 10 passions?

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:09:43Lewis Howes?

  Should they find one passion? Should it be one main passion and two side passions?

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:49Lewis Howes?

  Like, obviously, when you put energy on one essential thing, that thing expands and grows like you talked about in your first book. And it becomes more effortless. When you put effort on lots of things, it becomes hard.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:10:01Lewis Howes?

  So what is the balance when people that have lots of passions?

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Um, I mean, I really relate to this. I struggle with this myself. I, I find the world fascinating. I want to go everywhere, see everything, do everything. I mean, that, that's, you know, in a sense, I wrote essentialism for me, right? To try and, to try and go, well, is there, is there a, a time at which that outlives its usefulness? Yes, it's good to be passionate and interested, but does it, do you get too spread too thin? And you don't achieve what you want to. I mean, I think I would say that at any given time, you ought to know what the priority breakthrough thing is in your career.

• 1:10:40Lewis Howes?

  What does that mean? Priority breakthrough thing?

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  Well, it's like, um, I mean, I.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  So for me, right now, the breakthrough is that this book, Effortless, well, first of all, my kind of mantra, and maybe it's not a good mantra, but it was like, don't write a rubbish book.

• 1:10:57Lewis Howes?

  Don't write a bad book.

• 1:10:58Speaker 01

  Don't. And for real, like, the risk of that was high, because if you have a book that does well, the chances that the next

• 1:11:04Lewis Howes?

  The follow-up is

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  can be bad.

• 1:11:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  And I think if I'd written a book right away, I think it just would have been bad, and I didn't, fortunately. Paused, waited until I was like, there's something I really want to say, and it felt the right time to do it. So that would be like the priority objective, and one of the things around it is that you kind of know it, because you feel it fits right, so it feels mentally right, emotionally right. But also, you know that if you achieve this, it's a breakthrough. A lot of people that will start doing, you know, like, they want the they want the career tent to go higher, to be bigger. And they do it by like, doing more and more temples of the same height. And now they've got ten projects on the road. Well, if they do all ten of them, they won't go to the next level. They're actually just going to be busier doing the same stuff.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  So I think it's always key, what you're looking for, what I call the ninety percent rule, is, what is it, a ninety percent above, clearly yes, definite, if we could do that, it would change everything. If I could do that, it would take me to the next level. For me, the word is contribution. I want to make a higher and higher contribution. So I'm not sitting around going, how can I make more money? What's the thing that will make more money? But it is, how, what can I do that will impact two X, ten X impact in the world? And there's a lot of stuff that won't do that. And you could do it superbly well, and you'd still be at exactly the same level. And so what I'm trying to do is, well, what's the, what's the thing that would break through to the next level of contribution? I think that's the, that's kind of the question you're looking for.

• 1:12:34Lewis Howes?

  Right. Interesting.

• 1:12:37Speaker 01

  What would it be for you?

• 1:12:40Lewis Howes?

  I'm just trying to say, so if people had a lot of these things that they really cared about though, would they have to eliminate those things and just focus on the breakthrough thing first? And put those things on the, you know, the side burner?

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  Um, when I wrote Essentialism, I think I probably was leaning towards that. Like, just eliminate the other stuff completely.

• 1:13:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Speaker 01

  And I would-

• 1:13:04Lewis Howes?

  And focus on the thing you can make the biggest impact with.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  Yes, and I still think as a basic principle, that's not bad. But I think I would be more nuanced now about it. I would say, like, for example, I had, um, I had Patrick McGinnis on the show, and he's the guy that first came up with the term FOMO. Like, fear of missing out, and I really, I really love talking with Patrick McGinnis. And, and one of the things he introduced me to was the idea of the 10% entrepreneur. Meaning, okay, so you choose your main thing, that's your main stuff, but if you say, you shouldn't have 10 other things that you're going, hey, I'm going, I'm trying to do 10% on 10 different things in 10 different directions, I don't think that's breakthrough success, is likely at all.

• 1:13:46Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  But you say, here's my main thing, and I'm gonna have one additional thing, I'm really interested in it, I think it could be something, but I can't yet afford to just spend all of my time on it. So I'm gonna start investing in it, I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna see if I still have interest beyond, no, that was kind of a hobby, that's fine, I'll put that aside, try something else. So I think I would say, look, choose the big thing, and then be very selective and careful about the other things that you do. And I do think you, there's a lot of stuff you do have to say, not now, not yet. It, it, it doesn't mean I don't like it, it doesn't mean I don't care, but if I say yes to this, I'm going to be saying no to something more important, more breakthrough.

• 1:14:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, my friend Rory Vaden has a saying called procrastinate on purpose.

• 1:14:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Lewis Howes?

  It's like, you've got all these things that you, that are important to you, and you are excited about, and you may wanna do now, but it's not the most important thing right now. So procrastinate on it, have it here, but don't put a time and attention on it, put it in the back burner, procrastinate on it, until it's the right time. Until you wanna add that to the plate right now, but do the thing right now that's gonna help make that more effortless in the future.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  I think so. I mean, Essentialism really about the idea of doing the right things at the right times for the right reasons. And so it's not just the right thing. It timing is enormously important and I think does affect prioritization. But there are some times when things come up and the opportunity is here now. So you take you take you're opportunistic about it because well, this is what's here. The person has emailed, the opportunity is here, the moment is here. So you go with it because momentum is so important. But I think that the thing to be aware of is, is this thing I'm doing creating motion sickness? Or momentum?

• 1:15:33Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. Oh, yeah. What's motion sickness being you're all over the place, you can't think clearly?

• 1:15:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, you're just being dragged in another direction. It's just it's just one more thing and you're like, I don't see how it fits together. It doesn't feel like it's cohesive, doesn't feel like it's taking me in in a direction that's meaningful. It's just one more thing. And you the thing about motion sickness is that you feel like things are moving fast. But actually, you're not moving anywhere. You're just spinning.

• 1:16:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes, it's kind of it's kind of like the difference between. Um, gosh, I've written this down. Sorry to interrupt you there.

• 1:16:16Speaker 01

  No, that's all right.

• 1:16:16Lewis Howes?

  Between the keys to productivity and momentum versus busy work and just writing things off a checklist.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:24Lewis Howes?

  It's like, you know, the motion sickness is busy work. It's like I'm doing a lot of things, but nothing's actually building.

• 1:16:30Speaker 01

  A test of this for me, and I fail at this most days right now. But the the test is the difference between a to do list and a done for the day list. The to do list is endless. So really, you don't have to make many decisions on a to do list. You just go, here's all the stuff, write it all down. It feels good writing it down. And if you could do all of that stuff, that would be great. You'd like that. The done for the day list is something my wife and I started using. And what it what it forces you to do is to actually think about what would be satisfying to you. You say

• 1:17:05Lewis Howes?

  If you accomplish by the end of the day.

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  If I accomplish this stuff, I would feel satisfied and I can be done and feel good about it. So you don't just go, well, it's six o'clock, I'll keep going. It's seven o'clock, I'll keep going. Eight, nine, ten. The to do list is still there. You get to the end of the day, you go to sleep. Oh my goodness, I can't believe all this stuff I didn't get done. This is the this is the lifestyle we've created on an endless to do list. The done for the day list, what I think the challenge with it is, is that you have to really think what would make me feel done for today. There's a list. I I do have a list. I made it, but the thing is, I made it like two days ago. So it's not really a done for the day list. Maybe it was more like a done for the week list, but if I do those things this week, I will feel great. Those are really solid achievements.

• 1:17:51Speaker 01

  And the idea of the done for the day list or the done for the week list is, once you're done, you go, okay, guilt free. I'm done. I'm not, you know, like, my wife and I were like, you don't get in the hot tub or in the bath and then sneakily get on Amazon and order stuff and do email on your phone. There's no sneaky work allowed. You're done for the day, so you can start taking relaxation like a responsibility. You you actually relax purposefully, intentionally. You figure out the things that you enjoy doing, that you like to do, you create fun rituals around them. And this is so important for peak performance on a sustainable level.

• 1:18:30Lewis Howes?

  So smart. I mean, it's how do people learn to not beat themselves up if they get these things done for the day and they have four more hours of like work time?

• 1:18:41Speaker 01

  Totally. I think the beating yourself up when you're not working is as clear an evidence that we need to choose a new paradigm as any there is. You do productive work on the things that matter. You get them done and you, but I'm guilty. I'm not I'm not doing more. What is that? What kind of a reversed world is that? You are working, how is that? Living to work rather than working to live. What it shows is that we've got skill and competence in working and being productive and not skill in how to relax. And a lot of overachievers do not even know how to relax. Like, they don't know how. They're novices at it. And it's really important that we learn because we are not machines

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  that can work twenty four seven like in the industrial age. We are humans that work in cycles and rhythms. And if you try and work all the time and hustle, I mean, I don't care. Yes, you can find one of this person, that person who seem to be an exception to this rule. I can point to you a million or two million people that prove it.

• 1:19:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:19:45Speaker 01

  Right? That that if you just try to do it all the time, you will burn out, you will have worse relationships, you will you will enjoy your life less. So I think the key, though, is to start designing relaxation that we want to do. Because I think there's something very awkward about like, okay, now I'm relaxing. I'm taking spring break off. I'm taking the weekend off. I'm having a long weekend and we got nothing. And we just got blank time. No one likes that. And certainly overachievers don't like that. You just feel awkward and weird and it's like, well, my phone's right there. I think I'm just gonna get on my phone.

• 1:20:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:20:22Speaker 01

  So I think it's one of the things I like, my wife and I have done this and I think it's useful is to make a list of ten or twenty things that you that really create joy for you, that you enjoy doing, you like relaxing in this way. This is good for you. You don't have to justify this list to anyone. But you gotta be honest about it.

• 1:20:43Speaker 01

  And and once you have this list, they become like building blocks that you can start matching and connecting together in order to create like if you have a day. Uh, my wife and I have done it before where I've taken her list, twenty things. I goes her birthday, what am I gonna do?

• 1:21:03Lewis Howes?

  Let's do three or four of these things.

• 1:21:04Speaker 01

  Let's look at these and I can look at the list and go, oh, if I if I combine any number of these, it's gonna be a good day for her. Because these are the things that she likes. This is my list is very different to her list. But now it's useful to know that. So she's designing an evening for me or a day for me or we can come up with something. What are we gonna do on our vacation? Vacations can be quite stressful for a lot of people.

• 1:21:23Lewis Howes?

  It can be. You almost see the vacation from the vacation when you get home.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  They can be, and also they can be miserable if you don't have design in them.

• 1:21:30Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  It's not enough, "Oh, I went to this place. I went to Hawaii. It's gonna be great." This sounds like such an awful first-world problem, but my wife and I went to Hawaii, we didn't enjoy it at all. It was actually, I don't know, we just hadn't figured out what was purposeful about it for us. Or what kind of, what does she like to do? What is enjoyable for her? What's enjoyable for me? Let's construct something around those activities. And, and once we learned that, we're like, okay, that's it. You can't just go and suddenly sit on, I don't know, sit on a beach somewhere and assume that that's gonna be satisfying to you.

• 1:22:04Lewis Howes?

  Fulfilling to someone, yeah.

• 1:22:05Speaker 01

  Relaxing to you. But you gotta, by, by figuring out what are the building blocks, the things that actually are relaxing and enjoyable, you start to have competence in relaxing. You take relaxing is a responsibility. Relaxing is a responsibility.

• 1:22:19Lewis Howes?

  Do you relax well?

• 1:22:20Speaker 01

  Uh, I relax better now. Let me try and be like, like, give me a really honest answer to that question. Do I relax well? Uh, I...

• 1:22:33Lewis Howes?

  If you have to ask, you have to think about it.

• 1:22:35Speaker 01

  I know, I know. The pause makes me guilty by, you know, my, the pause is too long to now be fully credible in this area. Uh, there are a bunch of things I love to do to relax.

• 1:22:47Lewis Howes?

  You just don't do them enough.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, here's what I haven't done well about them. Like, I'll give you them. I love to play tennis. I love to play tennis with my son. You know, he, he, he's enjoying that more and more now. I like to be in the hot tub. That's a very relaxing place. I think it's very, you know, it's kind of beautiful little area.

• 1:23:06Lewis Howes?

  Calming, yeah.

• 1:23:06Speaker 01

  The experience is calming. Uh, I would say on those things, I'd love to go on a walk with my wife, like, for an hour. We were doing that almost every day until like the last two or three weeks. But and we did it the last two days. That's I would say we do pretty well. And that's that we both like it. We don't bring our phones. We just go out there and we just, you know, talk and connect. We're normally all over the place. She's got different agenda to me. It's fine. We're just there to listen to each other, just hear what's going on in each other's world. That is a pretty relaxing experience. The tennis, I have been amazed at how little I've done over the last year of that. And I don't even know why.

• 1:23:45Lewis Howes?

  And you love it?

• 1:23:46Speaker 01

  I love doing it and I just haven't done it. I think the pandemic just strained us all a little more that there's a little less oomph at the end of the day to go do that maybe. But but we just started that up more. What was the other one I mentioned? Yeah, hot tub. Oh, no, I give myself an A on a hot tub.

• 1:24:03Lewis Howes?

  You can go there every day.

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  I go there every day and I do meetings from hot tubs too.

• 1:24:07Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 1:24:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a little weird.

• 1:24:09Lewis Howes?

  Is that relaxing?

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, fair enough, fair enough.

• 1:24:11Lewis Howes?

  Let's check in the phone.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  That's more like, that's more like.

• 1:24:14Lewis Howes?

  How do you make the most out of meetings?

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  If I'm doing, yeah, that's more like what we were saying before about making it a ritual, funner. If I'm gonna be in a meeting, I just realized, I'm like, literally, we're here in California. You're paying to be in California. You got the weather outside and I stay in a little office through the day.

• 1:24:30Lewis Howes?

  Might as be outside in a hot tub.

• 1:24:31Speaker 01

  Might as well be outside doing that. It's made it, I feel like it's a little weird for people when they call. And I'm like, I just always confess it.

• 1:24:38Lewis Howes?

  Just double or say, oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  They can't even hear it, but I I just feel like if they hear anything, it'll be weird. So I'm always just like, oh, listen, I'm in a hot tub. I'm just letting you know. And we just fess up about it.

• 1:24:48Lewis Howes?

  That's funny.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  That has been good and I'll do the same with the kids at night and I find that good relaxing time.

• 1:24:54Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 1:24:55Speaker 01

  So I don't know. That's a mixed bag.

• 1:24:56Lewis Howes?

  What is the, what do high achievers get wrong about life? If they did one thing.

• 1:25:03Speaker 01

  What does high achievers get wrong in life?

• 1:25:06Lewis Howes?

  And if they had one, if they could do one thing to make their life better or more effortless, what would that be?

• 1:25:14Speaker 01

  I I feel like the primary thing high achievers get wrong is that they go after the wrong thing. Right? They just get on some focused task. You know, high achievers know how to achieve. That is what they know how to do.

• 1:25:31Speaker 01

  So if a high achiever go, hey, I'm gonna run a marathon. Yes, I put my money on them. They're gonna do it. They know how to do that.

• 1:25:38Lewis Howes?

  I'll figure it out.

• 1:25:39Speaker 01

  The problem is, is if you target the wrong goal. Right? You are, you, you suddenly you're running the marathon. But actually, what you want is a great relationship with your wife. You want a great family. You, you're like, you're focusing on the wrong thing. That, I think, is the primary error that, that, that, that otherwise successful people make. So we could describe it as unsatisfying success. You've achieved the, you've achieved it. You weren't satisfied because it didn't really matter. It wasn't the right goal you went after. I would say that's primary, that's error number one. And I would just say error number two is, is doing it in the wrong way.

• 1:26:18Speaker 01

  It's like, it's like, it's like the, the, the weightlifter who's lifting with their back instead of, you know, the, the correct way. It's like a, it's like a baker who's kneading everything by hand rather than with a machine. It's just like doing it the hard way, the wrong way. And it just costs them too much. So.

• 1:26:37Lewis Howes?

  What's the question they should be asking themselves?

• 1:26:40Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, it, it, there's, there's two questions that I would say have changed my life. And, and, I mean, literally, I've written a book about each of them now. One is, what is, what is essential? What really is essential? What is truly important? Another way of asking that same question that cuts through all the clutter is what is one thing that's absolutely essential that I'm under investing in right now?

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  That's, that's all, to me, that's all like the same question. But the last one is a slightly more precise way of asking it.

• 1:27:15Lewis Howes?

  What is essential that I'm under investing, under investing in right now?

• 1:27:19Speaker 01

  Yes. Because you already know that the thing about that question, you already know it matters. So you don't have to waste time, what matters? What is essential to me? You already know.

• 1:27:28Lewis Howes?

  And that's usually relationships and health. For high achievers, it's like they're not investing in their health. And they're putting it in their work or their accomplishments. In general, not everyone.

• 1:27:39Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 1:27:40Lewis Howes?

  Or it's like, I'm putting all my time and energy on achieving that my relationships suffer.

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  Yes, I think that's right. And so that then leads to why I think that's the biggest error. Because you get to the end of your life or even certain midlife crisis and you go, my goodness. Yes, I achieved all these things.

• 1:27:55Lewis Howes?

  I've got the money.

• 1:27:56Speaker 01

  I got the money or I didn't.

• 1:27:58Lewis Howes?

  But no meaning and love and health.

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  No meaning, no health, no, no strong relationship. Yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a fool's bargain.

• 1:28:06Lewis Howes?

  What's really essential that you're under investing in right now?

• 1:28:09Speaker 01

  Uh, okay, let me pause so I'm really honest with the question. What's essential for me that I'm under investing in? Yeah, I would say it is like really relaxing. I would say it's the thing we were just talking about. And, and I would give myself now that I'm reflecting on it a second time, reasonably low grade. And I, I don't, I don't mean over the last six months of the last year. I mean, like the last week, two weeks, month. And, and I've done a variety of things to relax in that time, but I just like literally in the last 24 hours. I'm like, oof, I pushed awfully hard on Monday.

• 1:28:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  Like, and I don't mean, and that sounds weird, Monday was crazy, but it actually was. It was so intense with so many decisions, right? High stakes decisions, one after another. The end thing I did was an interview with Chris Evans in the UK, big radio star. And somebody I listened to when I was growing up. And that was my like 10 till 11 slot, which I wouldn't normally do, but it all made sense. It was better than 1 a.m., which is what they'd offered originally.

• 1:29:15Lewis Howes?

  10 to 11 at night?

• 1:29:16Speaker 01

  At night.

• 1:29:17Lewis Howes?

  Early morning there, UK time.

• 1:29:18Speaker 01

  Early morning that time and pre-recorded so that we didn't do it in the middle of the night. All of that actually felt great, but here's a thing that I've noticed that you've got to have as a standard, something like, don't use up more energy today than you can recuperate today. And certainly not over a week period where you say, okay, well, today I pushed a little more, but I need to pull back the next day. So that over a week, I am rejuvenating my energy. And I didn't do that yesterday. So I just hit yesterday like a normal day, not realizing, man, you just used up a lot of juice to get through and to succeed at the things you did today. And so it just meant that by the end of Tuesday, I was, both my wife and I were both feeling a bit frazzled.

• 1:30:03Speaker 01

  And instead of going, of course we are. So therefore we're just gonna chill. We don't have to be productive right now. We're okay. We're still thinking, wow, you know, we must, we must, we ought to do a bit more. We ought to do something.

• 1:30:15Lewis Howes?

  It's kind of like my friend, Shawn Stevenson, who's a sleep master, talks about sleep debt, that if you're burning the midnight oil per se, or going to bed at 2 AM, waking up at 7, or getting five hours of sleep, four hours of sleep, pulling all nighters. He's like, that's a debt that your body can never make up.

• 1:30:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:30:37Lewis Howes?

  And you can, you can't oversleep to try to compensate that. But doing it over and over and over again is just gonna make it worse.

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:30:47Lewis Howes?

  But you need to have time to rest. You need to have the time to recover and heal your body, your mind, and all the things in your body. And you want to try to sleep more the next day, but it's not always gonna be like the thing that equalizes it. What I'm hearing you say is that when you overexert your energy in one day, if you do that over and over and over again, whether you sleep or not, you're gonna be tired and exhausted.

• 1:31:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:10Lewis Howes?

  So you need to find time to rest, recover, relax the next day, or the next week, whatever it is. If you're in a book tour, I get it.

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:31:16Lewis Howes?

  It's like, there's gotta be a balance.

• 1:31:18Speaker 01

  The, the, the term that comes to mind now that you use, sleep debt is relaxing debt. And that's like, that's like a new term to me in this conversation, and I, I like it because it names that problem.

• 1:31:29Lewis Howes?

  Relaxation debt, yeah.

• 1:31:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you can be doing some relaxation. But if you start to not have enough of it, it's not just the same as sleep. You might be getting enough sleep, but you aren't getting enough mental just release. It's like, it's like if you have a bow on a, on a, you know, on a guitar, on a violin, like if you keep it strung all the time, it will lose its spring. You gotta have times when it's, you know, relaxed and released, and then you tighten it again. If you aren't doing enough of the relaxing-

• 1:32:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, when you put it back in the box, you gotta unloosen.

• 1:32:02Speaker 01

  You gotta unloosen.

• 1:32:03Lewis Howes?

  You can't keep it tight.

• 1:32:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, why not?

• 1:32:05Lewis Howes?

  You gotta unloosen it, right?

• 1:32:06Speaker 01

  And the same for us.

• 1:32:07Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting. I was, I mean, this is why, um, you know, professors take time off, you know, months, six months at a time, right? It was talking to a pastor, Pastor Michael Todd recently, who's a pastor of a church.

• 1:32:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:32:21Lewis Howes?

  In Tulsa, Oklahoma, I believe it is. And he said, one of the greatest pieces of advice, a mentor of him, of his told him,

• 1:32:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:29Lewis Howes?

  was that no matter what you do, you're here, his mission is to serve God.

• 1:32:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:33Lewis Howes?

  Serve people and serve God.

• 1:32:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:35Lewis Howes?

  And he does it all day, all long, all night long, right? That's his mission.

• 1:32:40Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:32:41Lewis Howes?

  He said, "The best thing you'll ever do is take a month off where you do nothing. You don't show up for anyone. You don't, you're not on your phone, you're not on social media, you're not at the church, you're not serving people, that's your time." And he goes, "But there's so many, much people out there that need my help, that need my service, that need our time, our attention."

• 1:32:57Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:32:58Lewis Howes?

  He goes, "You will be so burned out if that's all you do all day for years, that you'll lose yourself." And he says, every year, he takes a month where he's not on the phone, he's not doing those things, and he's there with himself, his family, his wife, vacationing, relaxing. And he's like, "I get more great ideas in the rest and relaxation time. I'm more rejuvenated to go have passion and energy for the other 11 months of the year."

• 1:33:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:24Lewis Howes?

  That I, that the best book, the book, he had a book that came from that, was a number one New York Times bestseller. It's like, I wouldn't have written that number one New York Times bestseller. The idea came from relaxing and resting, not always in service, but having that time as well.

• 1:33:38Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, there's another biblical idea there, right? Which is, you know, so-

• 1:33:41Lewis Howes?

  Seventh day, right?

• 1:33:42Speaker 01

  Seventh day, right? You actually say, you know, so if God has to rest, you know, we, we really have a full justification from that, in it, from a religious point of view, from a Christian perspective, to say, well, from, from Judeo-Christian point of view, which is like, yeah, it is- You're supposed to have a day. You're supposed to have a, I mean, that's what Sabbatical comes from, right? It's the same word as Sabbath. You're supposed to have time for the other, it's kind of an other type of productivity. I mean, you can think about it that way. It's just, it's just the rhythm and, and, and, you know, everything has a season so that the best ideas come.

• 1:34:19Lewis Howes?

  You're speaking my language with seasons because as an athlete, there's a preseason, there's the season.

• 1:34:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:25Lewis Howes?

  There's the postseason.

• 1:34:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:34:27Lewis Howes?

  Uh, there's these different seasons. There's the playoffs and then the postseason, right?

• 1:34:31Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:34:31Lewis Howes?

  It's like you got the preseason, you got the season, you got the, the playoffs and the postseason. In the postseason, you've got to recover. Your body's been pounded in football. You're just hitting over and over again.

• 1:34:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:34:43Lewis Howes?

  You gotta let your body heal.

• 1:34:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:34:45Lewis Howes?

  You can train in other ways, but you gotta take some time. Baseball, every, every sports team has an off season.

• 1:34:50Speaker 01

  There's a, and, and if you can, and you're not supposed to even in the preseason be playing like you're in the playoffs.

• 1:34:56Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 1:34:56Speaker 01

  And if you do, I remember one time the Golden, uh, Golden State Warriors, they, they had like the, the, you know, the winningest season ever. They were like, they, they hit the playoffs, favorites for everyone. Yeah, but they didn't have enough in the tank to get them over the line. Yeah, that's the year that they, they, they lost to Cleveland.

• 1:35:13Lewis Howes?

  They won like, they lost like five games the whole year and then.

• 1:35:16Speaker 01

  Exactly. And so the next season, they'd learned that, you know, you, you don't worry about that. You don't have to be the top of the league even. Just make the playoffs and so on. I mean, they'd be happy if they made the playoffs this year, but, but, uh, so there's something, there's something to say about that too. But, but I like the idea that you don't even have, you know, you, you have different seasons throughout. Uh, it reminds me of a Madden, who, uh, is one of the, the people I covered in the book. He just was like, these players, he, he said, look, you've got to actually, he said, what I wish we'd done more of last year was nothing. Like, I wish we'd done. Some more just do nothing.

• 1:35:54Lewis Howes?

  Relax, chill, nothing.

• 1:35:55Speaker 01

  Yes, he's like, we needed more no time. Uh, and, and he, he said, um.

• 1:36:00Lewis Howes?

  You mean in the season of theirs?

• 1:36:02Speaker 01

  Yes, he was saying, let's, let's have it so that you come in for a game instead of coming in four hours early and training hard and so on. He's like, let's call it the American Legion week. Uh, which is, you know, so when they were, when they were, you know, not professional players, they would just turn up to play.

• 1:36:19Lewis Howes?

  All right, they didn't practice.

• 1:36:20Speaker 01

  They didn't, you, you just, you just, you weren't there for several hours before and beating yourself up. You just turned up to play and he's like, we're going to start doing that in the regular season for some of it. And, and he found that that was so counter-cultural, it took him a while to get it installed, but the results have been incredible.

• 1:36:35Lewis Howes?

  You know what's so funny?

• 1:36:38Lewis Howes?

  You grew up in the UK, right?

• 1:36:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:39Lewis Howes?

  So you understand American football with Madden, but I played in college.

• 1:36:44Speaker 01

  Not like you, though. Let's be sure about that.

• 1:36:46Lewis Howes?

  But I played, I played in college at the division three level. Uh, there's three divisions in college. I was in the division three level, which is a lower level historically, even though there's a lot of great talent in it.

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:57Lewis Howes?

  And there was a team, I'm going to forget the name, but it was a team in Wisconsin, a school. That was like national champions in this con, in this league, in the division three, like five out of 10 years, or like five years in a row, 10 years in a row, something like that. It was like 10 out of 20 years. It's like they were either at the national championship game, won it, or they were there. And they had, they were notorious for never hitting in practice. They wore like shorts in practice. They would do jumping jacks. They would sit back on the back of the field and do like, uh, snow angels in the grass. And just do like silly goofy things for warmup and they wouldn't hit all ever in practice.

• 1:37:42Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:37:43Lewis Howes?

  And then they would show up at the game and be so fresh and so light and just dominate. Speed, no injuries.

• 1:37:49Speaker 01

  No, yeah, no injuries. How about that?

• 1:37:51Lewis Howes?

  And most, exactly. And most of the time, when I, when I grew up, football was like, you have to train, you have to be prepared. Hit, hit, hit all practice long, maybe the day before. It's more of a walkthrough. And then you're like, I'm exhausted.

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Going into the game.

• 1:38:05Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:38:05Speaker 01

  You're going into bathroom.

• 1:38:06Lewis Howes?

  Exhausted.

• 1:38:07Speaker 01

  And you're already burned out.

• 1:38:08Lewis Howes?

  Tired. Or, oh, I tweaked my arm because we were hitting all day long till I proved something or I'd practice and train this way. And these guys, they did like jumping jacks and then they were like, all right, we're loose and we're ready to go. And you were like, how do they keep winning? But they were doing the effortless thing in practice, which was counterproductive to the hard work. We need to be here and grind it out all practice long, every minute, squeeze out all the pain, as opposed to what's the effortless thing?

• 1:38:35Speaker 01

  What that reminds me of, you've heard of sure of the book of the the Blue Ocean Strategy, right? And so the idea of that, the metaphor behind that book is that you've got all the competitors who are in fighting over the same fish. And because they're fighting over the same fish, it makes the sea red with blood. And this whole book premise is saying, what if you don't fight where everyone else is fighting? And instead, you create your own market. So you're not competing with anyone. You make your competitors irrelevant. And that's why it's called Blue Ocean Strategy. You go to where no one is playing. What I just feel like is that what you just described is such a red ocean strategy. We're gonna kill ourselves.

• 1:39:14Lewis Howes?

  All day, every day.

• 1:39:15Speaker 01

  All day, every day. And we're gonna kill ourselves more than everybody else's. I mean, it's like red from a different kind of blood. It's like, yeah, that's one strategy. I'm not saying it can't ever work.

• 1:39:26Lewis Howes?

  It works sometimes.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  But like, you're just fighting with, and you're fighting with everyone else who's doing the same thing. Is there not at least a percentage of your time? I was just talking to somebody who is a general manager in the NFL. And I said, okay, of all the speeches you've ever given as a leader to try and get better results from your teams, what is the percentage ratio between work hard, give more, and let's find an easier way to get the results? What's the ratio? And he just laughs, he's like, Greg, it's 100% the first. I have never given the speech, let's find an easier way to get the results. That's the problem. It's like, it's like, almost like it seems like

• 1:40:10Speaker 01

  I'm fully attacking this strategy in this book. And I'm just saying, it's just not the only one. There's another whole strategy. What if you just ask the other question? You might find that there is in fact another way to do training. You might find, just like the team you said, jumping jacks might be the thing. Relaxing might have its place so that you can be ready to give your all when the moment comes.

• 1:40:34Lewis Howes?

  This is powerful stuff Greg, I'm so glad you wrote this book. I want people to get it, it's called Effortless Make It Easy to Do What Matters. Make sure you guys check this out, also check out your podcast, which is called What's Essential. You guys can download that, subscribe, it's on Apple, Spotify, everywhere, everywhere podcasts are at. This is a book that I have a footnote in a lot of pages, because for me, my audience knows it's hard for me to read, because it just hurts my brain. Reading one paragraph is like, oh, this is hard work. You made it easy to go through this, and I highlighted many pages, because it's like, some pages are like a kid's book for me. It's like, there's a graph, there's an image, and then some words.

• 1:41:15Lewis Howes?

  And you make it really simple and easy to read, so I appreciate everything that you have here. And where is that one page? Again, I want to highlight this for people. There's two pages where you said, here we go, I like this. "When you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have. When you focus on what you have, you get what you lack." Again, this is kind of a key principle from the book, that I think is really important to think about. So, I'm grateful you did this. I have a couple final questions for you. This is called a three truths, a question I ask everyone at the end of every show, called three truths. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario, that it's your last day on earth, many years away, and you get to live as long as you want, but eventually you gotta turn

• 1:42:00Lewis Howes?

  the lights off. And you've accomplished every dream that you could think of. You have the life you want, you've done it all, effortlessly. But for whatever reason, you've gotta take all of your work with you to the next place. So no one has access to this book, any book that you've ever written, or anything you've ever said. But you get a piece of paper and a pen to write down three lessons that you've learned, that you would like to share with the world. What I like to call, three truths. And this is all we would have, from you, as your memory.

• 1:42:29Speaker 01

  Oh, so this is the only thing that you get to leave behind?

• 1:42:33Lewis Howes?

  This is all the information we have about you, and your thoughts, and your ideas, and your work, because you've taken it all with you. So you have three lessons to leave behind, to the world.

• 1:42:44Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:42:46Lewis Howes?

  Three Truths by Greg McKeown.

• 1:42:51Speaker 01

  Okay. The first one would be one word, light.

• 1:43:01Lewis Howes?

  Which spelling?

• 1:43:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, just light, L I G H T, light.

• 1:43:08Lewis Howes?

  Two meanings.

• 1:43:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good because the first meaning, let's deal with the first meaning, light as in

• 1:43:17Speaker 01

  light versus darkness. That in every moment you have a choice to go towards the light or to go towards the darkness. And it doesn't really matter whether somebody's coming with a religious perspective or no faith perspective, everybody knows this. They know something is the right thing to do, it's full of light, or they know something is not the right thing, and we all have to choose between that constantly. So, and I think that's what it means to be a good person, is that you keep coming back to the light. You make mistakes, but you just go, okay, my next choice, I'm gonna do the thing that I know to be right. And that will lead to more light and more light until, until I think your life is full of light.

• 1:43:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:00Speaker 01

  That's the, that's principle one, light. Principle two is the same word, but the different meaning.

• 1:44:08Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:44:09Speaker 01

  So, light, still same way, L I G H T, I think, yeah, because that still just has a double meaning, light.

• 1:44:16Lewis Howes?

  Or L I T E?

• 1:44:17Speaker 01

  No, but I think you just, I think it's just the same, yeah.

• 1:44:21Speaker 01

  And, and that's light as in choose the lighter way of living in the way we've talked about.

• 1:44:26Lewis Howes?

  The effortless way.

• 1:44:27Speaker 01

  The effortless way, where you're, you're just going, not everything has to be so hard.

• 1:44:33Speaker 01

  And underneath that, I think, is the question, how am I making life harder than it needs to be? My, my favorite story, actually, it's in the version you have here, but it's not in the actual book, which is a shame. It's the one thing I kind of regret that I didn't get into the, we just, I chose to have it out and I regret it. But it's the story of a woman who is, has her son who's dying, and they're in the hospital together, and it's at the end, so it's actually really similar to your, to your scenario for me, and you can tell, sometimes you can really tell, I've been with people towards the end of their lives, and sometimes you know. And, and so she knew, and so she got up into the bed with him.

• 1:45:18Speaker 01

  Just to kind of, you know, hug him. And right at the end, you know, in that between places, he's, it's just the last words he ever says is, "Mom, it's all so simple. It's so simple." And then he died.

• 1:45:34Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:45:35Speaker 01

  And that was his final message to his mother, to the world. And I think that's what I mean by this second version of light. Like, how are we making life harder than it needs to be? Like, what, what are we making more complex than it needs to be? Let's try and strip life of all of that, so it can be light in that second way. Um, and now I'm, now I'm thinking about the third thing.

• 1:46:02Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:46:03Speaker 01

  And

• 1:46:06Speaker 01

  I think if I had to really be honest about this, I would just say, I would say light a third time. But now I just have to sort of share my own conviction, and I'm not sharing it because I feel like anybody else has to believe this. Or I'm not trying to pressure anybody else into anything. But I just believe that, that, you know, that, that God is a source of light. Um, and, and for me as a Christian, it is, you know, I believe that Jesus Christ is the source of that light. And I feel that in my own life. I see it in my own family. It's not, it's, it's not based in some, some relic of a belief. It is a living, breathing thing for me. It got us through

• 1:46:51Speaker 01

  this experience with Eve. It is the thing that I, when I, for me, it is where I find the great enlightenment for my own life. It makes me want to be kinder, be better, serve more. And so I think that would be sort of the final and perhaps most important point is that, that I make Him a delight of my life, so that I, it can fill me and it fills me. The thing that I'm currently experiencing is, is that it increases the amount of love in me for other people. And and I need it. You know, I I need that in my life. I need to feel that love. We all need to be loved and to be able to love each other.

• 1:47:35Speaker 01

  And this is, this has been, this is the journey I'm on is to feel God's love for me, which allows me to then be able to be full of it for other people. And and like, we don't all need a bit more of that right now in the world where we're just being told to distrust and dislike and not love other people who are different to us. We need a lot more of it. That's that's my answer to your question.

• 1:47:55Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. I love those. A great truce. I want to acknowledge you, Greg, before I ask the final question for being an incredible father. Because it sounds like your daughter really needed you over the last four years. And you showed up with new strategies, new ways of learning on how to make it a better environment for her and the rest of your kids during an incredibly hard and challenging suffering time, which could have been much harder.

• 1:48:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:23Lewis Howes?

  So for you to show up the way you did and to say, okay, we're not going to do it the hard way and suffer, we're already suffering.

• 1:48:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:31Lewis Howes?

  How can we make this more enjoyable? I think that's probably the thing that I admire the most about you. I have no idea what it's like to be a parent. And I can only imagine the amount of stress, fear, overwhelm, you know, frustration around something like that. So I acknowledge you for the way you handled it and the way you continue to handle it, even though it's not perfect, and showing up as the light for your kids and your entire family. I think it's really inspiring.

• 1:48:57Speaker 01

  Well, I I can't have you say that without just really acknowledging the the all the people that played a role in that. I mean, the answer I just gave you, I really have to acknowledge that that light in my life that guided me even to read that article or to get me through it or to get, receive insights and little revelations that guided us through that. There's no question about that. I have to acknowledge, you know, really the hand of God in that. And also, other people who showed up, who's just literally people we haven't heard from in years showed up, we're praying for you. Now, that can be just a like, nice polite phrase, but I tell you, we learned that it is for real.

• 1:49:37Speaker 01

  That is our experience, is that things opened up and opportunities opened up that would not otherwise have opened up without that. That is, I I would be intellectually dishonest not to add that to the experience of what that was. And that's one of the reasons that I I felt, I guess obliged, a little awkward to be honest in doing it, but dedicating the book to a single principle, which is, you know, my verse from Matthew, "My yoke is easy, my burden is light." I just, to me, that's a breathtaking phrase, having spent all this time now in the principle of effortless. It's like, man, that is right there. A lot of people, their life does not feel light, does not feel easy.

• 1:50:22Speaker 01

  But there seems to be a path, even a scriptural path, for getting there.

• 1:50:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's beautiful. Greg, final question for you before I ask it. Make sure you guys get the book. It's going to be powerful. Get a couple of copies for your friends, for your team. Effortless, make sure you guys check it out. Final question, what is your definition of greatness?

• 1:50:42Speaker 01

  I think that the friend and mentor for me was Stephen Covey, and he used to distinguish primary greatness and secondary greatness. And he said, "Primary greatness is the private victory." It's all the stuff that's going on inside of you. That's your character, is whether you're being kind, grateful, honest. You know, it's all of who you are. No one gets to see that. That's all in the, that's all the quiet. Then there's public greatness. Secondary greatness is the public victory. It's what, that's what people see. That's the successes. And really, what he was trying to distinguish, I think, is that

• 1:51:27Speaker 01

  is that primary greatness precedes secondary greatness and is more important. If you get primary greatness, you'll often achieve secondary greatness. You'll often actually gain the accolades of other people because you have something substantive inside of you. But if you don't, you're still, you're still something substantive inside of you. So you still win at the thing that matters most. And so I think the greatness to me is mostly the first, but it's what also powers the second and gives life to it. So that's my definition.

• 1:51:55Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. And to add to that, if you only chase the public greatness and you don't have... The integrity, the character, you're not kind to others.

• 1:52:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:52:06Lewis Howes?

  You will suffer at the end of the day and that'll never be enough.

• 1:52:08Speaker 01

  It'll never be enough. You may not achieve it and secondary greatness disappears awfully fast.

• 1:52:13Lewis Howes?

  Quick.

• 1:52:14Speaker 01

  And we're having this conversation in the middle of like, basically in the middle of Hollywood.

• 1:52:17Lewis Howes?

  In the middle of cancel culture.

• 1:52:19Speaker 01

  Middle of cancel culture. Exactly. So someone can be famous, they can have the money and then tomorrow they can be completely kicked out.

• 1:52:25Lewis Howes?

  Gone.

• 1:52:25Speaker 01

  So you can't construct your life around secondary greatness. If you do, that's a high-risk strategy, let's say it that way.

• 1:52:32Lewis Howes?

  My man Greg, this has been powerful. Thank you so much for being here.

• 1:52:35Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:52:35Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for being here, for listening to this episode. And if this adds value to your life, where it helps you maximize time in any way, shape or form, then let me know. Leave a rating and review and share with me the part you enjoy the most and share this with a friend that you think would find it inspiring and helpful as well. Would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to text me the word PODCAST as well to my number 614-350-3960 to get on our texting list. Again, text the word PODCAST to 614-350-3960 if you want to get on our texting community list to be inspired and motivated through text messages every single week from me. And I will leave you with a quote from filmmaker George Lucas who says, "Always remember,

• 1:53:18Lewis Howes?

  your focus determines your reality." Ooh, in a world of distractions, in a world of non-stop notifications, in a world of endless possibilities to spend on our time, what are you focusing your time on? What is meaningful to you? What matters? How would you like to be remembered? What would you like to be known for? What would make you proud, knowing what you used with your time for your energy, your talents, your creation in this world? Focus your energy in the right things and the right things will usually come back in supporting you as well. I'm so grateful that you were here today. I hope this added value in your life. And as always, if no one has told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy and you

• 1:54:01Lewis Howes?

  matter. And you know what time it is? It's time to go out there and do something great.