The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 90

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 90 X: https://x.com/adam_talkshow Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/adamfriedlandshow.bsky.social Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #arishaffir Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:46Speaker 00

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• 1:20Adam Friedland?

  Hello and welcome to the Adam Fried Lunch Show Podcast. Special guest this week, Ari Shaffir.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  And Mullen.

• 1:26Adam Friedland?

  And Mullen.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28Adam Friedland?

  Oh yeah. Do we want to, we want to address the fans?

• 1:31Speaker 03

  This is my final episode.

• 1:33Adam Friedland?

  This is Nick's final episode.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  What is going on with this podcast?

• 1:38Adam Friedland?

  Well, I mean, we've been trying to-

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Last time I was here, you weren't here.

• 1:42Adam Friedland?

  We've been trying to stop podcasting for about 47 years now.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  I'm doing it. I'm just gonna-

• 1:48Speaker 02

  You're stopping.

• 1:49Speaker 03

  I'm hitting the road.

• 1:50Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  And by that, I mean going home.

• 1:52Adam Friedland?

  Like in a Jack Kerouac way. Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  You're just done with it?

• 1:55Speaker 03

  But he hits the road.

• 1:57Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  There's road hitting.

• 1:59Adam Friedland?

  It's called hitting the road. The truth is this, is that the, the talk show we are going to be in the next two months converting it to a new model where it's gonna be a once a week show. So the, the original objective for Nick, instead of once every six months.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  So when someone's not in London, someone else is fucking not angry.

• 2:16Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. What, what?

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Was in Lon- was that an expression?

• 2:19Adam Friedland?

  Was I in London?

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think last time I was here.

• 2:22Adam Friedland?

  No, no, I was, uh, where, no, I was seeing my fa- no, I was taking my father to the hospital. I remember I saw you at the sand. You were like, how was London? And I was like, I was taking my father to the hospital.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Has diarrhea.

• 2:32Adam Friedland?

  My dad had diarrhea. I didn't, I didn't take my dad to a specialist in Scottsdale.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Didn't go well.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  It's pretty severe explosive diarrhea, which is actually, it's a psychological diagnosis.

• 2:42Adam Friedland?

  The truth's the, yeah, it's, a lot of people don't know that it's, it's a mental, it's like asthma, it's, they're making it up.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  The body's just like.

• 2:49Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The doctor said it's psychosomatic.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Does that sound believable? They just break shit?

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Well, I'll walk in the Best Buy and it'll be like a, a Galaxy Note tablet, fifty percent off and just, you know, clean up on aisle three.

• 3:02Adam Friedland?

  It really escalated after October seventh.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  It's, well, it's deal related mostly.

• 3:07Adam Friedland?

  Actually, speaking of my dad.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Deal New Jersey?

• 3:08Adam Friedland?

  He has a.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Deals.

• 3:10Adam Friedland?

  He has a bone to pick with you.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  Deal New Jersey, what is that?

• 3:12Speaker 02

  It's where all the rich Syrian Jews live.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought it was like a show.

• 3:16Adam Friedland?

  It's a real thing? DEA?

• 3:17Speaker 03

  I thought it was a show, like a reality show, like, can you believe this?

• 3:20Speaker 02

  Let's make a deal.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  They're just at Walmart.

• 3:25Speaker 02

  I waited twenty minutes for my soup to come.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  I just got, I got forty-five AA batteries for eleven dollars. Hosted by Guy Fieri.

• 3:34Adam Friedland?

  I was visiting my, my dad in.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Damn, that's a fucking, that's a rock star deal you got.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Now he's like, can we cut for a second? When do we eat shit? When are we eating shit? Hold on a second, guys.

• 3:48Adam Friedland?

  He doesn't know what the show is.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Why am I here?

• 3:53Adam Friedland?

  Where's the food?

• 3:57Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, when I was visiting my dad in Vegas once, there was like a geriatric at the supermarket just holding up the line for like 20 minutes because he had an expired coupon and

• 4:06Speaker 03

  I've always wanted to see a really old guy who's also fat and I'm like, check out Ben and Geriatric.

• 4:10Adam Friedland?

  That's pretty good.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  You've been waiting for years. You're like, I can't wait any longer.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  If you're a big fat guy, you die at 47.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Rest in peace, Bert Kreischer. Is this coming out in one year?

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:21Adam Friedland?

  He died. He died. Oh, yeah, it's coming out. Yeah, perhaps never.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  Well, I wonder, do you think Bert will die soon?

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:29Speaker 03

  Okay. I don't know. Hopefully.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  That body type doesn't see 60.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Is it gonna be like Reagan's funeral where they drive him through Washington and?

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, it'll be two comics just like

• 4:40Speaker 03

  And they have the Navy band.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  That drive around, TJ Fridays around the valley.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  It'll be like the inauguration, but sad.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  All the same people will be there.

• 4:50Adam Friedland?

  Millions of people lining up to see his body, but yeah, open casket.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Those pictures of the inauguration are crazy. It's like, yeah, we got everybody here. We got fucking Joe Rogan and Jake Paul.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Jake Paul and Joe Rogan, what a combo.

• 5:01Adam Friedland?

  Why? Theo.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  Why is Theo at the inauguration? He didn't know what president was six months ago.

• 5:09Adam Friedland?

  Cause he told Trump about who he is.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  He's like, is that like the chairman of the board?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Why are all these people there? It shouldn't just be dignitaries? Who the fuck are these people?

• 5:21Speaker 03

  It should be an African guy dressed like Lieutenant Worf.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  I was a dignitary at my brother's, my buddy's wedding. I married him off to a squirrel.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  It should be a black guy wearing that.

• 5:29Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Lieutenant Worf.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Congratulations, Mr. President.

• 5:39Speaker 03

  Thank you, Worf. Thank you, Worf. I'll never forget that you believed in me.

• 5:46Adam Friedland?

  They said, no Klingon could be black. He's black. Well, they have a black one. They make them in black. What was I gonna say? Oh, yeah. We had the line was being held up by this geriatric and he had an expired coupon and he said, "This document represents a promise from your firm to the consumer." And like, he would not leave the line.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, it represents a promise that if you get here before December 27th,

• 6:13Adam Friedland?

  This represents a promise.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  We will give you this.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Wait, who said that? That was on the show?

• 6:18Speaker 02

  The geriatric. They always go straight to like legalese.

• 6:21Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  To try to fix their social problems.

• 6:23Adam Friedland?

  I have been in court plenty of times as a defendant for sexual assault.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  I have a brother that's a lawyer. I have a brother-in-law that's a lawyer.

• 6:32Adam Friedland?

  It's the family business.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  And it's because they wouldn't honor a coupon. Where was this?

• 6:35Adam Friedland?

  This was at a supermarket by my dad's.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  It should be a dollar ten. You got it down to a dollar.

• 6:40Adam Friedland?

  It's funny because that, it was a family neighborhood, but now all the parents are still there. So now it's an old person neighborhood. It's a weird, weird thing to see.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like most of Brooklyn.

• 6:49Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I suppose.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  It's to be cool. And then it's fucking guys with tattoos pushing strollers like homosexuals.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  But those are, those are young parents.

• 6:56Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  He's saying it's like a family neighborhood where the kids go off and then they're all living, then the kids are in Brooklyn with the strollers.

• 7:03Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. The kids are all exploring, exploring assholes and genders.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Complaining about coupons.

• 7:08Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. It's really crazy. Yeah, it has to come.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  It's your dad's problem with me.

• 7:12Adam Friedland?

  Oh, yeah. He's got beef, dude. He saw you on it. He's, well, he calls me anytime he hears a comedian with a Jewish name. So he's like, "Do you know Ari Shaffir?" I got the Ari Shaffir phone call. He heard you on a podcast.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  That's great that he listens to podcasts, is able to use the computer and stuff.

• 7:26Adam Friedland?

  No, well, it's TV. It's.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  How old is he?

• 7:28Adam Friedland?

  Seventy-three.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  That's great that he's able to figure it out.

• 7:31Adam Friedland?

  Well, it seems like you're a little bit, like, you're saying it in a gracious way, but I can see, I can see behind your eyes. You're like a little bit like.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  I'm so happy for your dad.

• 7:39Adam Friedland?

  You're like another troll coming for me.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  I'm so happy for your dad to be able to dig that at seventy-three.

• 7:42Adam Friedland?

  There's a comedian, Ari Shaffir. Do you know him? And I was like, "Yeah, I know Ari. He's a good guy." And my dad goes, he's like, "Yes, I saw him on a podcast." It was like a, it's like, like a academic podcast kind of thing.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 7:53Adam Friedland?

  I forget the name. We can call him and squash this whole beef right now.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Let's squash it. Or let's start it up a little more.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  What academic podcast could you have been on? This has to be two of them.

• 8:00Adam Friedland?

  Uh, Ge- Geometrics or something or.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Oh, trigonometry.

• 8:05Adam Friedland?

  Trigonometry.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Not a math podcast.

• 8:07Adam Friedland?

  What is it? It sounds like math. I don't listen to what he's talking.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  It's Louis's podcast where he misspelled the word.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  How are you stopping this podcast?

• 8:19Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  I'm going on trigonometry.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  This, all this creativity could go towards some of the best scripts in history.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  I'm the third, I'm the third host on trigonometry. It's, I love they have, he started a second real ass podcast.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  He just like changed the name.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  No, there's still real ass podcasts.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  There's still real ass?

• 8:35Speaker 03

  But then there's also Zach and Louis.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Doggy, doggy, are you sure?

• 8:38Speaker 03

  I think it's just Zach gained too much weight for it to be real ass anymore.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  It's not real ass, it's huge ass.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  I love, I mean, I like, I feel.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  I like Zach's new phase where he's just dressing like an optical illusion.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  Are too mean to it, like he's at the point now where it's like, I don't feel comfortable even making fun of it.

• 8:56Adam Friedland?

  He's a man with a code, I'll say that.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  I guess, but when I go, when I go into that studio and like he's in the, he's, there's a waiting couch.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he's in there.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  And it's a, to him, it's a stool. He's all the way, cause he's like, you know, he's like, hey, good to see you.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  You know, it's like, where is your, like your, he's, his ass begins off the seat and it goes all the way to the back.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  So big. I like how people are like, we should talk to him, like he knows. I tell this boy, talking to Zach is like talking to someone who's working on the Fukushima plant behind that door.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Like, you okay? They're like, no.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, right, yeah.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  I'm just riding this out.

• 9:31Adam Friedland?

  My shit is glowing green.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, like that. You ever watch that show Chernobyl?

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  It's good, yeah, yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  He always puts on some good shows.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  There's a scene where they have to get these like miners, these like Russian strip miners to go in and burrow under the, um, you know, the plant and they either like shut the water off or they do something, but they tell them, they're like, look, if you go in here, you're going to die. You're gonna get radiation sickness and uh, so the miners are like, you know, they make the, like the head one is Scottish. Everyone has a British accent, but they, he's like, he's like, fuck it, I'll do it. I'll do it. You can't stop me from doing it. I'm a miner, you know, so. And then for, I can't remember why, but they have to do it completely naked. So they go in and they, they get the fucking, they shut the water off and there's this scene of them walking out of the mines like,

• 10:21Speaker 03

  you know, in the right stuff when they're like headed towards, like they're done with the training.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Flops.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  And they're completely nude.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  Dogs.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Like this guy, yeah, and he's got like a chode and like you can see his penis and he's just like walking up. And it's like, he's like, we did it. And it's, it's awesome. You're like, fuck yeah, dude.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Why would you have to get naked?

• 10:42Speaker 03

  I think it's like, cause it was so hot down there. I think it's something like that.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  I've been in the summertime.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  I wear less clothes, but. So what's his issue?

• 10:56Speaker 03

  He said, you don't say that about Kobe. Right after he died. He has a family.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Of all the, I thought it was gonna be a pro peace thing or anti-Jew thing.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  It's old reliable. It's old faithful.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Once again.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  Well, tell your dad he's not coming back.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  The one that doesn't quit.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Enjoy living with no Kobe for the rest of his life.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  And listen. Yeah. If you get shot for that, it'll be like, that'll be like the black world's version of the UnitedHealthcare.

• 11:22Adam Friedland?

  What was the worst, what was the worst threat you received for that? And I'll say this as like Kobe, he was a very incredibly special, uh, person.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Calling me a [BLEEP].

• 11:32Adam Friedland?

  Come on, dude.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Are you?

• 11:34Adam Friedland?

  His body's barely cold.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  His body's super cold and, and breaking down already.

• 11:38Adam Friedland?

  Okay, Ari.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  I watched, I watched an air disasters episode on the helicopter crash.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Really? What did they say?

• 11:44Adam Friedland?

  Why'd it crash?

• 11:45Speaker 03

  I think the pilot was like, he got into a situation where there was no visibility and he couldn't really gauge what was going on.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, he said not to take off and Kobe made them take off.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  No, no, that's not what happened. It's like, uh, he.

• 11:57Adam Friedland?

  You're making fun of the daughter?

• 11:59Speaker 02

  No, Kobe killed his daughter by taking off and the pilot was like, do not, we cannot do this.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  The pilot just didn't wanna let Kobe down, I think is what it was. So he flew when he shouldn't have.

• 12:08Adam Friedland?

  He's such a good guy.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:11Adam Friedland?

  Wait, yeah, but.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  I'm sure the story said it that way.

• 12:13Adam Friedland?

  What's the worst threat you received for, for?

• 12:15Speaker 03

  And his former helicopter pilot, they had, interview him on the air disaster show. And, um, he's clearly deaf or something. Cause he's like, Kobe was a man. There are no way, there are no way that he went. Ever put a red letter on the mind and yell, I'm gonna go my, I mean, no, read or write.

• 12:34Adam Friedland?

  It was to go to.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  It's like, don't interview this guy.

• 12:39Adam Friedland?

  Let him write it down.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  Put a statement on the screen.

• 12:44Adam Friedland?

  Just don't go picture.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Somebody, somebody has read by.

• 12:48Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:50Adam Friedland?

  Get a voiceover.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's like, Kobe never told me to hurry up. And then we just like smash cut to him and he's sitting there Kobe's like, hurry the fuck up. And this guy's like, what that?

• 13:05Speaker 03

  What was that?

• 13:08Speaker 03

  You gotta fly faster.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Thanks, man.

• 13:13Adam Friedland?

  Thanks Kobe.

• 13:16Adam Friedland?

  People, people took pictures of guns?

• 13:19Speaker 02

  What?

• 13:20Adam Friedland?

  Did they send things to your house?

• 13:21Speaker 03

  Also important to know.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  They told me they were gonna break up this podcast.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Important to know.

• 13:23Adam Friedland?

  They, they succeeded.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  The, the Kobe helicopter pilot, neither of them were trans Navy SEALs.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 13:30Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  I was under the impression that they both were.

• 13:31Adam Friedland?

  That was the OJ.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Because I've never.

• 13:33Adam Friedland?

  You think LA helicopter, you think that guy.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Well, because I really, I, I can only think of three helicopter pilots. It's the trans Navy SEAL one.

• 13:41Adam Friedland?

  The trans guy, yeah.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  And now the two I know about from Kobe, but in my mind, I didn't realize until watching air disasters, I thought every helicopter pilot was a trans Navy SEAL.

• 13:50Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Because I can't, that's the only one, that's the only one I've ever seen.

• 13:53Adam Friedland?

  Who knew?

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:55Adam Friedland?

  Did you see that, that, the trans, uh?

• 13:57Speaker 03

  It's like, if, you know, if I see somebody with a, a beanie that has cat ears on it.

• 14:02Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  I'm like, oh, that's a trans person.

• 14:04Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  You know, because so far it's a hundred percent hit rate. And the same was true for helicopter pilots until I saw the air disaster.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I like the post binary, that's a new one.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Where it's just like, we're just doing every, it's clown core, full clown core.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  I've been told comedians are, are supposed to move on from this.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  But it's like.

• 14:23Adam Friedland?

  From gender?

• 14:24Speaker 02

  But it's like full clown core.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  We're supposed to not talk about it anymore.

• 14:27Adam Friedland?

  Uh, yeah.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Not trans, just the, the, the past gender at all. They do clown core with the freckles, dots.

• 14:34Adam Friedland?

  Is that a gender?

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Clown nose, no, it's nothing. It's like, it's another.

• 14:38Adam Friedland?

  It just sounds like a nerd.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Uh, no, they're cool. They're cool.

• 14:40Adam Friedland?

  They're cool.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, they wouldn't quit on a podcast.

• 14:45Adam Friedland?

  I feel like I.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  What are you saying?

• 14:47Adam Friedland?

  What's that?

• 14:48Speaker 03

  You're saying I'm worse than a trans person? First of all, that's insulting to both of us, to both of us.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, both of you.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  You said, "Trans people are barely above you, the scum of the earth."

• 14:59Adam Friedland?

  Who else is on your shit list, Ari?

• 15:01Speaker 03

  You're gonna get us in Seth.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  I'm saying it. He said it.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  You're gonna get us in Seth Simon's latest newsletter.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  I thought it's Simmons.

• 15:08Speaker 03

  Which is dutifully.

• 15:09Adam Friedland?

  Bill Simmons.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  Bill Simmons.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Sent to my email. I read, I read every one of his newsletters.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Bill Simmons?

• 15:16Speaker 03

  No, no, Seth. Somebody signed me up for it and I get all of them.

• 15:19Adam Friedland?

  What, what's he on about these days?

• 15:21Speaker 03

  They're pretty good. I don't know. I mean, it's like.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  His form is good, his function is off.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Everyone he's gone after and continues to go after is now worth like hundreds of millions of dollars. So it's like, I really can't find to be like, how could he say that about Shane?

• 15:36Adam Friedland?

  It's a cosign.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  I was using one of his reviews of me as, as in my bio. Because a quote was like, if you wanted to see someone pull their pants down for the, for a, for a, like a braying audience, go see Ari. I'm like, oh yeah, great.

• 15:49Adam Friedland?

  What's braying mean?

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Like a cheering in a, in a donkey-like fashion.

• 15:53Adam Friedland?

  So he says that you're, you're crushing effectively with your penis.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, which is a very Skankfest staple. Yeah, absolutely.

• 16:01Adam Friedland?

  That's a great review.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  No, he, he'll, he'll like, he'll like, quote podcasts and stuff and even transcribe it. It just makes it funnier.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's so funny up at, yeah.

• 16:13Speaker 03

  When you see the transcript and I'm sitting there laughing. You know, I'm like, yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Like, nice, that was a good joke.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Hey, tell your father to say to my face if he's not such a coward.

• 16:22Adam Friedland?

  Come on, dude.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Why go through his son?

• 16:24Adam Friedland?

  He's a good man.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  Cause he has psychological diarrhea, man.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, that's right. He's gotta go destroy the best.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  He's got psycho, he's got psycho diarrhea.

• 16:33Adam Friedland?

  He's got psycho runs. Uh, guys, we want to talk to you right now about Lucy. A hundred percent pure nicotine, always tobacco free Lucy Breakers are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise, much like.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Gushers.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  Much like diarrhea, much like, yeah, psycho diarrhea.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Sour cherry gushers.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  It's the, Lucy is the nicotine gum with diarrhea in it.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Not the flavor, of course, but the experience.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Haven't you wanted to eat a piece of gum and have diarrhea in your mouth?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  The Willy Wonka.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 17:09Adam Friedland?

  I've been dreaming that my entire life.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Director's cut.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's what's that? That's Harry Potter, right? Where they have a jelly bean that's every flavor?

• 17:19Adam Friedland?

  There's like a crap.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  There's one that's diarrhea.

• 17:25Adam Friedland?

  Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken into, uh, broken to open and extra release, extra flavor.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Kind of like the spies using World War II when they got caught.

• 17:34Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, like a cyanide tablet.

• 17:38Adam Friedland?

  What's your favorite Lucy flavor, Nick?

• 17:40Speaker 03

  The apple martini, the James Bond, which I just watched, I rewatched the first fifteen minutes of GoldenEye the other day.

• 17:46Adam Friedland?

  Oh, that's a great, with the plane?

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Well, I wanted to just see the guy jump off the dam.

• 17:50Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it's cool.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  I was like, that's awesome. I was thinking, I was sitting, I was walking, I was like, what if I could do something like that? And I was like, what was, what am I thinking of? I'm like, that guy jumping off the dam in GoldenEye. And I put, I put it on and I watched that.

• 18:03Adam Friedland?

  You were thinking of killing yourself and it reminded you of GoldenEye?

• 18:06Speaker 03

  Bungee jumping off a dam. I was like, that, I wanted to feel that.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Just wanted to feel something.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Sense of freedom, I guess. Bungee jumping off a dam, swan diving off a dam. And I'm like, what am I? Oh, right, the beginning of GoldenEye. And then I watched up until the, the, you know, when they blow up the fucking...

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  No, the, the Severnaya missile.

• 18:30Adam Friedland?

  The silo.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  No, not the silo, where they blow up the fucking, the satellite.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Is that where he dies? Where he, that he comes back to do something to free the kid or whatever? And then he's gotta like stop the launch?

• 18:42Speaker 03

  No, you're thinking of fucking kindergarten cop. Yeah. GoldenEye is James Bond.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Which James Bond did he go back? The one that's in the closet, real good looking guy, but that he goes back to like, oh, he's gonna like, blow it up, sorry. And then the missile comes at him.

• 18:56Adam Friedland?

  Which one is in the closet? Sean Connery?

• 18:58Speaker 02

  No, no, no, more recent one.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Daniel Craig.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Daniel Craig, yeah.

• 19:01Adam Friedland?

  He's a gay guy?

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  How do you know?

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Cause I've met gays before.

• 19:06Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:07Adam Friedland?

  He asked gay about that?

• 19:09Speaker 02

  He's gay. He's just a gay. But anyway, who cares?

• 19:11Adam Friedland?

  I know what you're saying. I don't care.

• 19:12Speaker 03

  I think what he's throwing, he was dressed by a gay for those movies.

• 19:16Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I heard a lot of gay guys dress other men.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Every magazine he's ever been in or interview, it's just a homosexual man. It's like, they have them now. They're everywhere.

• 19:24Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, up until Daniel Craig, the suits were all just off the rack.

• 19:29Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. It was a Joss A. Bank.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:34Adam Friedland?

  They were Wilson's leather.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he died one. He died.

• 19:36Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, at the end. At the end of the last one.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, what was it?

• 19:41Adam Friedland?

  Oh.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Sina Royale?

• 19:42Speaker 03

  Ain't got no damn time for that.

• 19:43Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, ain't no goddamn time to die.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  Ain't got no time for that.

• 19:47Adam Friedland?

  Ain't got no motherfucking time.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Tyler Perry should do a 007. That would be sick. Set in Atlanta.

• 19:56Adam Friedland?

  The diary of an ain't got no motherfucking time lady. Uh, when do you throw in your Lucy Nick?

• 20:02Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 20:02Adam Friedland?

  When do you throw it in?

• 20:04Speaker 03

  Um, whenever I, you know, whenever, whenever, otherwise I would want a cigarette or vape.

• 20:10Adam Friedland?

  Whenever you get that craving, uh, Nick likes to level up his nicotine routine with Lucy. So you can go to lucy.co slash TAFS and use promo code.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  Wait, what? Lucy dot what?

• 20:22Adam Friedland?

  C O.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Colorado?

• 20:24Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. Like Colorado, like the postal code for Colorado.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:27Adam Friedland?

  And you get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's lucy.co and use code CAFS to get 20% off. Um, and here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. That's fast. I'm gonna get fast at that. I'm gonna have to for my future career.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  You ever give one of those pouches to like a child to see the flavor ones?

• 20:57Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. I don't do, I, I try to stay away from tricking children. I think that that's not something that, uh, we should be doing.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  You ever get too many of those and give it to homeless people?

• 21:08Speaker 03

  No.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  I do it with the.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  I don't trick homeless people.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  It's not tricking.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Giving.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  Giving?

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  Hey, we got all these zen pouches.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  No, I give homeless people matches and directions to James Woods.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  I was like, I don't have any money. I have this box of matches and this is where James Woods lives.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  It's amazing they can start up that fire. I've been camping and it's difficult with like some starter logs.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  It's so funny to imagine. It's like, yeah, it was homeless people. That big ass fire was a bunch of homeless people with flamethrowers going around, sneaking around.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Flamethrowers, dude, where'd you get a flamethrower? How do you throw that together?

• 21:47Speaker 03

  What do they mean homeless people? So like in like their fucking barrels that they warm up with?

• 21:52Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I think they meant like the guys that warm their hands.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  And they donkey conged her down the road.

• 21:57Adam Friedland?

  They warm their hands, they're wearing a barrel, you know?

• 22:01Speaker 03

  But then that's not arson. That's like.

• 22:02Adam Friedland?

  They're just they're.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Fire that got out of control.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  They needed a fire to be warm.

• 22:05Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. Wait, what was that thing about going over the Niagara Falls in a barrel?

• 22:11Speaker 03

  That was the thing. I remember.

• 22:12Adam Friedland?

  What was that? What was that all about?

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Did you bring that? I brought it up recently.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  It was the first like.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  I think I was just thinking about it, but I remember reading about it as a kid.

• 22:20Adam Friedland?

  As a kid, they they tell you about that.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  Scary to me and I remember being a kid being like, I don't want to do that.

• 22:24Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I don't want to be an adult.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  About things and I thought I had to do this.

• 22:28Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  But, uh, yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, you go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Everyone tried to do it. Almost everybody died.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:35Adam Friedland?

  Oh, it was like a popular thing to do.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not that. It's not that. It's like how much about.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  You've seen that video of the guy jumping off the Eiffel Tower in his parachute suit?

• 22:43Adam Friedland?

  Oh, like a squirrel suit?

• 22:44Speaker 03

  It's from like eighteen eighty and he's got like a, and he's like showing the flaps and then you see him and it's like, you know, and he's like waving to everybody and then he hesitates for a second. He jumps off and he's just immediately like, yeah, right. Just like, and then dust comes up.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Never tried it over water.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Everyone just sort of leaves and it's like, and it's funny because I've seen that video and you think it's like, you know, it's crazy that we have all these things and like people had to die for us to get like, like to just get a microphone. There's probably thirty guys. It's like, and let's try this, you know, like it killed them.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Right? And so he's saying like, man, this guy like came up with this idea for like, that wasn't it. Obviously it's a thing that expands, but like, to be like, this could work and he tries it and he dies and then they're like, okay, let's keep refining this process. But the truth is actually that they had already invented parachutes. That they existed, they figured out, they deploy, and that's how they work. And this guy was like, "Yeah, but what if it was like a cool coat?"

• 23:43Adam Friedland?

  What if it was clothes?

• 23:44Speaker 03

  It was an idiot. It was just like, it wasn't an inventor, it was an idiot.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Imagine getting the rights to get up to the Eiffel Tower, like, "Hey guys, I'm gonna test something." If you did that now, they'd be like, "Get down."

• 23:54Speaker 03

  Well, it's funny because it's like, it's almost in a way, like, that the, the complexities of patent law and how difficult it is to patent something, and in these days, be an inventor, is probably saving a lot of lives. Because if you just had to like, call up the patent office and be like, "Well, here's my nickel in my quarter, and I invented, uh, I invented the Bumblebee suit for a man," you know, and...

• 24:19Speaker 02

  It doesn't have to work.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Right, well, and then they try out their Bumblebee suit, and it kills everyone.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  You still got a patent on it, regardless if it works or not.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Well, there's that guy that's like, "I had an idea, what if I could fly? And I had a needle that came out of my ass," you know, and...

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Great, it's yours.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they're like, "Okay," and he goes to a lawyer, and they're like, "Well, it's gonna be seventy thousand dollars." And then he's like, "Well, I have no money, how about that?" And they're like, "Maybe you should try janitor instead of inventor." And it's, it's like protecting people in a way.

• 24:48Adam Friedland?

  I, I'm hoping that like Elon with the deregulation, just like, that there are gonna be just some slapstick.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:55Adam Friedland?

  Slapstick, just...

• 24:57Speaker 02

  I got two, my friend worked at the patent office.

• 24:57Adam Friedland?

  Complete accidents.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  I got two good ones.

• 25:00Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 25:01Speaker 02

  One was the guy who did the segue. Everyone else just showed the blueprints. He's like, "No, no, I'm bringing it in." And made everybody ride it at the patent office.

• 25:07Adam Friedland?

  That's cool.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  He just showed that it doesn't infringe on any of the patents.

• 25:10Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  The best one was...

• 25:12Speaker 03

  And he rolled himself off a cliff.

• 25:13Adam Friedland?

  He killed himself, yeah, yeah.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Same thing, he probably thought, he's like, "No, it's a flying thing."

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Oh, I brought the wrong one.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Ride around on, and he's like, "No, it'll fly." "I made a new parachute."

• 25:29Speaker 03

  You know who I don't, everybody shits on that, uh, the guy who's like, doing like, like daily penis surgeries to, and like, drinking his son's cum to stay young. The billionaire, Brian Johnson.

• 25:40Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, that guy, yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  And it's weird because it's like...

• 25:44Adam Friedland?

  He looks like an Asian woman.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  He looks weird.

• 25:46Adam Friedland?

  He looks fucking weird.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  I don't know if it's working or not, it probably isn't, but like, he's just doing what like, what, what's going on here?

• 25:57Speaker 02

  What's happening?

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Nothing. It seems like more than nothing.

• 26:01Adam Friedland?

  It seems like more than.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  This is why you're leaving the podcast.

• 26:03Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  This is kind of unprofessionalism.

• 26:04Adam Friedland?

  No.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  You just said Pete and ran off.

• 26:06Adam Friedland?

  It is. That's not why I'm leaving the podcast. Let's not sure. Let's not.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Oh, and so you called for Pete before taking care of it yourself?

• 26:16Adam Friedland?

  Pete?

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Pete, Pete, my throaty hurts.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Here is the best inventions.

• 26:22Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  The number one. That is the only one. I shouldn't just pluralize it. A method of inducing birth through use of centrifugal force.

• 26:30Adam Friedland?

  That's awesome.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:31Adam Friedland?

  So it's like you hold your wife's hands and just spin around?

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Okay, so it's connected. It's one of those stirrup things. The, the middle is where the head is. Uh, it spins so the head stays in place. Everything else spins. There's a net at the end of your legs.

• 26:45Adam Friedland?

  Hmm.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  So you just spin, spin, spin until the baby just goes.

• 26:48Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, but what about the umbilical cord?

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Doesn't go that far.

• 26:52Adam Friedland?

  It doesn't go that far.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  But that's right there.

• 26:53Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Listen, it's not, it's not about whether it works or not.

• 26:56Adam Friedland?

  Are you eventually dragging the baby along the net?

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, so the baby's in the net, so you probably have to have some under it too, because when you slow down, it would then fall.

• 27:03Adam Friedland?

  I wonder if they've used it one time. That is hilarious. That is so funny.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  It's a solid one.

• 27:10Adam Friedland?

  That is a circus ass way to be born. Those are the Ringling Brothers.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  It's definitely a dude inventor.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  You can also do it in like a fast elevator or the Tower of Terror.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, Tower of Terror.

• 27:24Adam Friedland?

  Just make him, make a bitch sit upside down.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Oh my God, I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry. I, I had my baby. I'm sorry.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  No, continue with the ride.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  I'm so, yeah, I'm, I messed up the Tower of Terror. I know y'all waited in line for probably seven hours.

• 27:50Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, a new feature at Disney. You got a new special out?

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:54Adam Friedland?

  I wanted to mention in the, you know, before the plug section.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Well, before you can no longer do plugs. What are you gonna do with your time? Yeah, it's called America Sweethearts on Netflix.

• 28:02Adam Friedland?

  Leave it alone for a second, dude.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  What do you mean? I have been leaving alone for a second. I want to get back to it.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  What are you gonna do now?

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Well, I went to the doctor the other day. I gotta go to the doctor again.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Stress level?

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't know. We'll figure it out. But yeah, I don't know. Sort of take care of myself for a little bit and then,

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  you know, make some other plan. I'll probably just end up podcasting again.

• 28:23Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it's, we'll see.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  But not here.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Some, it's a different thing.

• 28:27Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  You gonna write more?

• 28:28Speaker 03

  If I get back into podcasting and want to have one of those themed podcasts that are now out of vogue.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  That's what I got, a travel podcast.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  But 10 years ago, that was, you had to have a theme.

• 28:39Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, the socialist women of wrestling or something?

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, I think I might just, it might just be doing small household repairs. I had to fix the motor in my automatic litter box the other day and I'm like, I could just, I'm good at this.

• 28:54Adam Friedland?

  So you're gonna do it in a podcast form, not like a, like a video form?

• 28:59Speaker 03

  No, yeah, it'll be a podcast.

• 29:00Adam Friedland?

  It'll just be an audio only podcast?

• 29:02Speaker 02

  I feel like you're a free genre, yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  You have to listen to it.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Quiet like, mm.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you got it, if you got an automatic, if you got an automatic litter box.

• 29:10Adam Friedland?

  How does this go?

• 29:12Speaker 03

  You have to, you have to listen to all 800 episodes and the off chance that I covered how to fix the, uh, the, uh, you know, the screen on your Mr. Coffee.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  And it was just like, it's audio only, like, and then you take this thing and try to like, uh, go this way with that.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  What, what the? Fuck.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, this part, that's supposed to be wet.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  The part that looks like the, you know, the.

• 29:36Adam Friedland?

  He just fucks up and he whispers the N-word under his breath.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  I don't do that. I don't get, I don't get pissed off doing stuff like that. I'm like, damn, what a process. Open it up.

• 29:43Adam Friedland?

  You feel zen.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  It's got all these little gears in there.

• 29:45Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, springs.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  I pulled all the gears off. I got a little toothbrush and I cleaned them all.

• 29:52Adam Friedland?

  He's retiring.

• 29:55Adam Friedland?

  He's moving to fucking Florida to die.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  I don't need to go to Florida.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  You can die here.

• 29:59Adam Friedland?

  In bedside, yeah.

• 30:03Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, well, so your special American sweetheart.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's about.

• 30:06Adam Friedland?

  It's too sad for me to talk about this stuff.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  What?

• 30:10Adam Friedland?

  Why are you still mad at my dad, dude?

• 30:11Speaker 02

  I'm not, I moved on.

• 30:12Adam Friedland?

  He's not even your dad.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  I'm saying he's great.

• 30:13Adam Friedland?

  I have every right to be mad at him and we're cool now.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  I love that you guys connect. I love that you can overlook his stupidity and his butthurtedness and still see him as a human.

• 30:25Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I mean, he said some terrible things about you on Reddit. I'm not repeating them.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Your dad's on Reddit.

• 30:30Adam Friedland?

  He's on the Protect Our Parks Reddit.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  He's on the r slash chronic diarrhea Reddit, being like, day 712. And then he just taps.

• 30:39Adam Friedland?

  Palestine was never a real country.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  The subway was a bad idea.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  He's on the fighter and the kid Reddit, and he's like talking in that language. And then he's back over on the dying of diarrhea Reddit, being like, I love this community.

• 30:54Adam Friedland?

  This community has changed my life.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Brendan is a fucking idiot.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  People get tired of saying the same shit over and over again.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  No, I mean, they're just podcasting.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  You ever get?

• 31:06Speaker 03

  It's the, it's like the, it's narcissist's reflection in the pool.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Reddit, the Reddit people.

• 31:11Adam Friedland?

  I know, but that entire internet.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  They're reacting to us saying the same things over and over again.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  Right, alright.

• 31:17Adam Friedland?

  Can you imagine it? Like, we're online because we make money from it. But there are thousands, there are millions of people who, for zero dollars, just yell at the president of the United States all day.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Thinking he's reading it?

• 31:28Adam Friedland?

  For no money. Just like clocking in.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Was that Family Guy episode where Brian gets into that, like, in like 2018? And he's like a Trump reply guy? And he's like, geo, hashtag G O P U. He's getting like zero retweets.

• 31:45Adam Friedland?

  Just into a void.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  For no one, screaming at a void.

• 31:51Adam Friedland?

  Just mad at, mad at the, the president of the United States.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  Go take a walk outside. It's crazy. It's so fun to see somebody riled up and you're like, oh, I don't care. I'm doing this thing like, how could you not know about the Columbia statistician, two women? Like, I don't know. I don't know.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Is that real?

• 32:08Speaker 02

  There was like a guy in college at Columbia. Somebody came in all steamy, was talking to Michelle Wolf. Somebody comes in all steamy like, did you hear about this guy at Columbia? And he went back to work. Like, I'm just trying to catch up with my friend.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  The Netflix documentary about it called Not Just a Number.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  The Columbia statistician.

• 32:32Adam Friedland?

  Oh, man. Yeah. I mean, I would rather get yelled at, I guess, by a person in real life. And I guess it never happens. I've never gotten, I mean, I'm yelled at by strangers, but not

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Not really.

• 32:41Adam Friedland?

  just because of I look like me. Yeah.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Cause you're walking, you're walking too slow.

• 32:45Adam Friedland?

  Not because the podcast is late, you know?

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:48Adam Friedland?

  Just because I like a bitch ass white boy. I, I mean, what, I can't do anything about it.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  You have beautiful eyes.

• 32:55Adam Friedland?

  Thank you. So, so you.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 32:57Adam Friedland?

  Excellent.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  I think it's just he cleaned his glasses finally.

• 32:59Adam Friedland?

  No. They're a fucking mess right now. Look at them. Actually, I got the, I, I think they didn't take the fucking plast, the like film off.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  There's no, there's no film.

• 33:10Adam Friedland?

  There's like a holographic.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  You're thinking of, you're thinking of a new Chinese branded iPad. Not glasses.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  Out of the box iPads.

• 33:19Adam Friedland?

  I'll, I'll look into it. No, there's like.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  It's usually attached to a sticker. It's just peel here.

• 33:21Adam Friedland?

  Wait, you see this holographic thing?

• 33:25Adam Friedland?

  Is that what the blue light filter is?

• 33:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like a, yeah, polarized.

• 33:28Adam Friedland?

  It's embarrassing.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  Then don't order that next time.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Why is it embarrassing?

• 33:33Adam Friedland?

  Because people see it and they're like, why do you have the logo for your glasses?

• 33:36Speaker 03

  I got this point. I chewed off a part of my other glasses and I went to the store and I was like, oh yeah, this fell off. It's under warranty.

• 33:43Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  They're like, we don't make those glasses anymore.

• 33:46Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 33:46Speaker 03

  And I was like, so I have, I can't ever get these replaced?

• 33:49Adam Friedland?

  See again. Yeah.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. And they're like, no, we only have stupid looking glasses now.

• 33:54Adam Friedland?

  Ugh.

• 33:55Speaker 03

  And I was like, but I need smart looking glasses.

• 34:00Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, um, okay, alright, cool.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  Time?

• 34:04Adam Friedland?

  Guys, I want to talk to you about the perfect jeans. Alright, one of the-

• 34:09Speaker 03

  White.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  I could be wearing them right now.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  Six foot two, blonde hair, blue eyes. Scandinavian.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Scando, that's a derogatory term for them.

• 34:19Adam Friedland?

  Uh, guys, I would send a pair of these jeans.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  What you looking at, Scando?

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Scando? Go back to your elven land.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  Vichvetto de Kukuklok Factory.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Get the hell out of here, Scando.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  Take a stroopwafel with ya.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  Take your fucking suspenders and your goddamn- Why do you need suspenders? Your shorts are already too goddamn high.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  They're called Liederhosen. It's a type of pants that prevents us from doing the Holocaust.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  We ain't changing our government!

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Take 'em off! Okay, but you're not going to like it.

• 34:58Adam Friedland?

  Alright, learn in German. Uh, guys, wha- oh, I got sent a pair of these jeans and guys, guess what? They were perfect.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Why'd you have to guess what on that? I'm literally wearing them right now.

• 35:11Adam Friedland?

  You're wearing perfect jeans? Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:13Adam Friedland?

  You want to talk about how perfect they are?

• 35:15Speaker 03

  They look like Levi's to me.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  They're not.

• 35:17Adam Friedland?

  Uh, what makes them perfect, Ari? Let's give a personal endorsement because it says-

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Number one?

• 35:21Adam Friedland?

  -in the copy I'm supposed to wear them in stand-up, and I'm not doing it.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Number one, here's what makes these perfect: the name of them.

• 35:28Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  That's about as far as it goes.

• 35:30Adam Friedland?

  You're supposed to say, "Guess what?"

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Guess what? I'm standing up. Guess what, listeners? I just sat down.

• 35:36Adam Friedland?

  Thank you, like a true pitchman.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, you didn't really give them a chance to guess, though. Everyone at home's like, "Come on!"

• 35:42Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  "That's not enough time!"

• 35:43Speaker 03

  There was a guy who heard "guess what?" and he goes, "You're gay!"

• 35:47Adam Friedland?

  That's why, that's why I have to do it too fast.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  And then the guy, he like, looks over at his squish mollus and he goes, "Got him."

• 35:54Speaker 03

  "I got him, guys."

• 35:58Speaker 03

  I got the bug, dude.

• 36:02Adam Friedland?

  It's gonna be the rest of my life.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  They're roomy. I do have incredibly big balls and they they push out to save space for those.

• 36:09Adam Friedland?

  They have, they have.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  What do you mean they push out?

• 36:12Adam Friedland?

  What do you mean push out?

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Not so tight in the ball.

• 36:14Adam Friedland?

  Long?

• 36:15Speaker 02

  A lot of times if you get like ball space, then you're getting way baggy.

• 36:19Adam Friedland?

  Uh huh.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  You want something that's like normal in the waist, but then a little bit of ball space.

• 36:22Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Why does it have to be connected? I don't get it.

• 36:26Adam Friedland?

  Guess what?

• 36:27Speaker 02

  What?

• 36:28Adam Friedland?

  That's what makes them perfect.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  I only buy jeans when I'm like in really good shape.

• 36:32Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  And then I immediately get in bad shape and then I just have useless jeans all the time.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  I only buy clothes before a special.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Like a two week window where I'm like, I'm gonna get some jeans and then it's back to sweatpants.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  I'm feeling me.

• 36:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 36:46Adam Friedland?

  Guys, uh, speaking of, uh, what Ari just mentioned about his testicles, the perfect jean has saved over 700,000 pairs of nuts for their owners.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 36:54Adam Friedland?

  From stiff, unforgiving denim.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  They put them on the troops.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  My nuts are blown off and kaboom.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, IED proof jeans.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  We called it kaboom.

• 37:05Adam Friedland?

  And their owners, uh, yeah, they've saved them from stiff, unforgiving denim and that number is going up every day. These jeans are ready to help you crush 2025. They've got serious stretch for every phase of your fitness journey. You work out in these guys?

• 37:18Speaker 02

  If you don't love these jeans, nickel, quit the podcast.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  You better fucking love them. Since this is my final day, should I, should I, uh, charter a stretch limousine home after?

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:29Adam Friedland?

  No, we should get a blade, dude.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  No, what do you, not.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  How about a ten gun salute?

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Not we, I think I should get a stretch limousine with a nice little 10 inch TV in the back.

• 37:36Adam Friedland?

  I'm gonna wait.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  10 inch CRT TV and I can watch Home Alone 2.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  And you can just ask the driver's name as you roll up the window every time.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  And just get, and what's your last name?

• 37:46Speaker 03

  It is Bunguluku Dukam Bum Bada Bum Bada.

• 37:49Adam Friedland?

  Um, guys.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  That's an awesome name. That's a cool name.

• 37:54Adam Friedland?

  You can start 2025 off right with zero wardrobe stress. The Perfect Gene has six fits from weights 26 to 50.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  Those aren't them, are they?

• 38:04Adam Friedland?

  No, these are not, and that's why my balls are.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Let me, let me tell him right now.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Why don't you run into the office? Why don't you go get your pants, Adam?

• 38:13Speaker 02

  Go get your pants.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Get my pants.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Commit to the podcast for once.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  I get my pants, but you, you wanna, just keep going with the, the. Okay. Adam's gonna go put his pants on that he got from Perfect Gene.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  I'll do it for you. His Jew jeans right now.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  His, yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  With a second command of the Koans.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  His, his Levi jeans.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  Levi, yeah, yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  His Levy jeans.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, Chaim Levy.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  Can you hand me his vape, please? Thank you.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  What's, what's, what's the, uh?

• 38:38Speaker 03

  So that's, you got, when, when did you record this special?

• 38:41Speaker 02

  April.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  April?

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  And when did you, and Jew is the one right before that?

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Jew's a couple of years before.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Couple of years, oh man. See, in my mind, that Jew came out eight months ago.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  And now you already have another one.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  No, it was, uh, wow.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  That's what I mean. That's why I have to leave is because this is, I'm just, I would ra, if I'm gonna waste my life, I would rather do it fixing small motors and.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  I think it's time for you to quit anyway.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Your heart hasn't been in it for a while.

• 39:05Speaker 03

  No, it has not. Come Town was a good show.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Come Town was a good show. This was a good spite show for a while.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  It was alright, yeah.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  And then the, the anger fades and you're like, why am I still doing this?

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, what am I still?

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  There was a time when I went, I was really mad at Bobby Lee, and then every time I tried to embarrass him, every conversation he was in, I tried to like, get in there like, but he's stupid, right? You guys listen to this dumb fucking idiot, like, and then at some point I remember not having the energy to do that.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  He was in a conversation and I was like, uh, but my friends are there.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  He's just a small Korean man. It's like, what are you doing?

• 39:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  It's like getting mad at IKEA.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. How long are you gonna do a podcast with a retard just to get back at a fat fuck?

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Can you imagine being cut off by a Hyundai and being like, oh, this fuck, this is probably, this is probably some rich asshole. No.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Right? It's just, it's some idiot.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  On their Korean way to fucking go to their Korean job.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Can't believe you made him put on the jeans.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Whatever they sent him to him.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  They were nice enough to send, yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  They were nice enough. They're good jeans.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. Are those actually perfect jeans?

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, they are.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. Do they, do they, you, they sponsor your podcast?

• 40:12Speaker 02

  They had in a long time ago. And they haven't for quite some time.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  So I'm just wearing them out of the love.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  They're probably one of those companies that's smart, that understands you only need to buy one read.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then like, they'll just keep wearing it.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Some of these companies are like, I don't know, we've been paying these guys for 10 years and no one's buying. And it's like, yeah, it's the same 15 people that listen to this show.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Honestly, it's just comedians, just send them one pair of jeans, they'll just wear them. Almost every comic.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  I'm not buying them clothes.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Some guy brought me, some guy brought me shorts.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  You look like Nanette, dude.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  It's not bad.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  Can I see, can I see the, uh, the tag? Yeah, it says fuck your khakis. Fuck your khakis.

• 40:55Speaker 03

  That's aggressive, and it looks like an eye test chart. Yeah. That'd be a, that'd be a cool movie, right? Like an optometrist that is a killer.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  And then somebody gets their, their eyes checked, and then they're like, now, now read the last line. And they're squinting, the guy's squinting, and then the last line says, I killed your wife.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  And he's like, wait a minute. And then he knocks the thing, and then the optometrist shoots him.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Uh-huh. He just slowly sees a pin coming at him.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  And then it says, the end.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, blood comes down off the end.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Um.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Like it, run it.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Guys.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Fashion project.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Yeah. Guys.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  It's not gonna go to direct.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm gonna pay, I'm gonna pay, I'm gonna go walk around, I'm gonna go pretend like I'm doing Habitat for Humanity in LA.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  And I'm gonna find Steven Spielberg, and I'm gonna be like, I'm here to rebuild your home. Also, the optometrist.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  That's the kind of script you throw into a moving window.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, right. It's a post-it note with just what I said on it.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  So what's the pitch?

• 41:55Speaker 03

  This is it. This is, now, I know there's formatting issues here, but this is the screenplay.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  It just says, the optometrist, but you could read it, right?

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 42:02Adam Friedland?

  And then it says, the end.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  But he's a killer. He's a killer optometrist. And the eye chart at the bottom, it says, I killed your wife.

• 42:18Adam Friedland?

  Not only do they have perfect jeans, they've got, they've got perfect t-shirts and the perfect tee is just enough stretch.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Put that on.

• 42:26Adam Friedland?

  To hot, I don't think they sent it, did they?

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Well then, take this shirt off.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Take the shirt off, show me what you look like without.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  You shouldn't be wearing anything but the jeans, including your glasses and your, your engagement ring.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  Take your engagement ring off.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  What are you engaged to, Reddit?

• 42:44Adam Friedland?

  No, I don't.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Let's see it.

• 42:46Adam Friedland?

  She doesn't let me on the computer.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Off, off, off.

• 42:49Adam Friedland?

  My body is like.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  And then Pete, let's.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Your body's a wonderland.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Let's edit in some mid nineties Fox wooing noises. For the rest of the episode.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Can you also?

• 42:59Speaker 03

  Glasses too.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Put a side by side of him next to someone with regular sized nipples.

• 43:03Adam Friedland?

  Uh huh. I've got really small nipples.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:06Adam Friedland?

  Also, a lot of Ashkenazi Jews have a chest skin cavity.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Oof.

• 43:10Adam Friedland?

  Do you have one?

• 43:11Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 43:12Adam Friedland?

  My friend Tommy had one and we made him, uh, we sold milk and cereal from the, from the like cafeteria camp and we'd make him eat it out of his chest.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Grotty.

• 43:23Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. He'd do anything for money, that guy.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Story tracks.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Anyways, back to the read.

• 43:27Adam Friedland?

  Anyway, so, uh, oh yeah.

• 43:31Adam Friedland?

  This is for you, buddy.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  This is for you, Tommy.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  This is a going away present money for you.

• 43:36Adam Friedland?

  No, it's not. It was just.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  The going away present is going away.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  The, the journey is the reward. The journey away is really the reward.

• 43:44Adam Friedland?

  Guys, they've got the perfect tee to hide your beer belly while accentuating your arms and chest. Uh, for that flawless look, it's soft as, but I really.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  You look pretty flawless right now.

• 43:55Adam Friedland?

  What?

• 43:55Speaker 02

  You look pretty flawless right now.

• 43:56Adam Friedland?

  I don't feel comfortable not wearing a shirt.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  Do you? Your back goes in like a, yeah. Oh, you got a fucking chest when you do that. Go back again. No, no, but that's not bad. Yeah, that looks tough.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  We should get some like-

• 44:08Speaker 02

  That looks tough.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Some spoons and forks for you to curl.

• 44:11Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:12Adam Friedland?

  Pete, can you get me some spoons and forks for me to curl?

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Can you get him a Joe Rogan shaped cowbell?

• 44:18Adam Friedland?

  Can you take a picture of my body and send it to Joe?

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Sure, absolutely, absolutely.

• 44:23Adam Friedland?

  Can you call Joe, can you FaceTime Joe right now?

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's bulimic now, it'll help.

• 44:27Adam Friedland?

  Just do, is he?

• 44:28Speaker 03

  Is he bulimic?

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's been throwing up, it's his new fad diet, where he barfs it out. Yeah, he's done, did the only meat for a while.

• 44:35Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, but getting into-

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Go to the champs, go to bulimia.

• 44:38Adam Friedland?

  There's a guy-

• 44:39Speaker 02

  But he goes, you gotta do kale and stuff, you can't just do ice cream, you gotta go like, I know-

• 44:43Speaker 03

  That would be, that would be hilarious. If he was confidently saying, "I'm barfing," there's pictures of him at the inauguration with the president, there's just vomit all over his shirt.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  He's learned how to-

• 44:51Speaker 03

  His tuxedo.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  He doesn't keep quiet like regular-

• 44:53Speaker 03

  He's just throwing up while taking the picture.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Excuse me, it's been an hour.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, constantly, just a slow leak of like oatmeal.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Bulimia breath?

• 45:05Speaker 02

  I can totally see him selling that. No, the nutrients going through your cheeks and you lose the needless calories.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  There's a, you know how the, those raw food guys- He has a guy on the show that's telling about it, he's like, "In Afghanistan, we would have to barf to cover our smell." That's how I got into it, because the local Afghans, they can smell you.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  When you're upwind.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  But if you cover yourself in diarrhea and barf, they wouldn't be able to tell where the troops were.

• 45:27Adam Friedland?

  And that's why we have to kill every migrant.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Guys, that took a dark turn, dude.

• 45:34Adam Friedland?

  That's what they say on that thing, that's what Ari says on that, on that, on that program, on the right wing.

• 45:39Speaker 03

  You don't have to kill-

• 45:39Adam Friedland?

  Radical right wing.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Z-Span?

• 45:42Adam Friedland?

  Z-Span.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  It's funny, they're doing all these deportations, you think there's like somewhere in like Ecuador or Mexico, there's somebody that's like seeing a guy come off a plane, he's like, "Well, well, well." "Look who came crawling back."

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it wasn't my choice.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  We told you you wouldn't make it.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  I told you you could never make it in America.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, what are all these people coming back like, "I'm not even from here, I'm from Milan."

• 46:06Adam Friedland?

  I'm going to get, I'm, I'm going to get on Kill Tony.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Has a lot of immigrants getting deported right back.

• 46:15Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  You should just have them come out of a cage.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  You exit through the audience or back into the cage.

• 46:21Adam Friedland?

  You got trafficked by a coyote to kill Tony. Ki Tony.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Ki Tony.

• 46:26Adam Friedland?

  Ki Tony. Okay, guys.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  Mr. Tony, thank you so much for the opportunity.

• 46:30Adam Friedland?

  It's time to finally stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to theperfectgene.nyc. Best city on the earth, right? Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus free shipping, free returns and free exchanges when you use the code TAFS15. That's 15 at checkout. That's 15% off for new customers of theperfectgene.nyc with promo code TAFS15 after your purchase. They'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them that we sent you. So fuck your khakis.

• 47:06Speaker 03

  Also, but before I depart, a final thank you to the good folks at Ridge Wallet who sent me a very nice care package for Christmas.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  It's a going away or just that they didn't know?

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Just a night. They haven't sponsored the show forever, but they just send me stuff anyways because they're nice.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  That's how easy it is to get a read on this shit.

• 47:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Just send a free thing.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. They sent me the luggage set.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  What?

• 47:27Speaker 03

  And yeah, yeah, they have luggage. The luggage is really nice, although it did get dinged up pretty bad by the fucking baggage handlers at JFK. It's not Ridge's fault. It's these fucking assholes at JFK.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's these fucking Native Americans who work the lodge there.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're all Comanche over there.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  I'm pretty sure they're Italian.

• 47:46Adam Friedland?

  What?

• 47:47Speaker 03

  But anyways, yeah, they sent me a nice, and they have Ridge branded cookies.

• 47:52Adam Friedland?

  Your new backpack was cool.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  They sent me a backpack. I got the new backpack also.

• 47:56Adam Friedland?

  And it matches his water bottle.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  There's no promo code.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  There's a pocket. Yeah, there's a pocket.

• 48:01Adam Friedland?

  It's just a good company.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Perfectly fits my Kindle.

• 48:04Adam Friedland?

  Oh, it's got a Kindle and a laptop.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  So if I'm out and like I'm doing my survivalist stuff, I can.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  So Kindle will tell you.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  I can check in on the Canterbury Tales.

• 48:13Adam Friedland?

  Here's what the plan is, guys. We have three episodes of the talk show that are unreleased and we're gonna be.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  Four.

• 48:18Adam Friedland?

  There are four, but one is we haven't edited yet.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  Are these chairs gonna be on there?

• 48:23Adam Friedland?

  The chairs are.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  The one guest I booked that I requested when we had a talent poker was Tom Fontana.

• 48:30Adam Friedland?

  Did you request Tom Fontana?

• 48:31Speaker 03

  I requested.

• 48:32Adam Friedland?

  Okay, I'll release that episode then.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  If you want.

• 48:34Adam Friedland?

  I haven't watched it yet.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  He was only here for like.

• 48:36Adam Friedland?

  He was here for an hour and I feel like we didn't get anything.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  He only had like 28 minutes.

• 48:39Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  So I was mostly, it was like, let's get the interview over with so that he could sign my DVD box set of homicide life, which I'm bringing it up.

• 48:47Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Bring it up.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  The one who created it? No.

• 48:50Adam Friedland?

  He created Oz.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  What a great show.

• 48:52Adam Friedland?

  He's the creator of Oz, yeah.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  Oh, Oz was also good.

• 48:56Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, so.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  Oz, wait, the prison movie?

• 49:00Adam Friedland?

  It was a TV show.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  Show, yeah, and also Life in the Street, Homicide Life in the Street.

• 49:05Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, what a CV.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  What?

• 49:07Adam Friedland?

  What a resume.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  Just in case.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Whoa, it's a file cabinet.

• 49:12Adam Friedland?

  It's a file cabinet.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  Just in case the episode never comes out, I want to show you guys.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  It's going in red.

• 49:15Adam Friedland?

  No, no.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  Over the last two and a half years, what I got out of this experience was I got my DVD box set of Homicide Life on the Street.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  No DVD player.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  That's, we have one in back there and I have one at home. And I got Tom Fontana to come to the show and I told him how much I loved the show and he signed it and it's in gold markers. You can't read it, but it says, Nick, all good things. Tom Fontana.

• 49:37Adam Friedland?

  He meant that too.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Uh, 2023.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  It's a show about criminals getting away with it.

• 49:42Adam Friedland?

  Wait, that was signed in 2023?

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Let me see.

• 49:46Adam Friedland?

  No, it wasn't. How's that possible? It's 25 now. Oh yeah, it makes sense. Sorry.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Super Bowl commercials for season one premiere.

• 49:54Adam Friedland?

  Okay.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Interview with Barry Levinson. I thought Barry Levinson created it.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  So I think he produced it, but I think it's Tom Fontana created.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  Maryland native Barry Levinson, one of our greats.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  And it was, I think David Chase's book was.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Jim Henson.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  And David Chase's book inspired it, but then Tom Fontana created it. I don't know, but I had, it'd be very funny.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Nick Mullen.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  It would be very funny.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  It would be very funny.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Drew Breland.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  It would be very.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  It would be very funny if, okay, nevermind. Yeah, we're friends. He's saying Maryland heroes.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Maryland greats.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can say Stav's name.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  I will then.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  We're good with Stav. Wait, you don't think he's great?

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Do you have beef with Stav?

• 50:32Speaker 02

  I've had beef with Stav.

• 50:34Speaker 03

  Really?

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  Korean barbecue?

• 50:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, he takes me all around there.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  He's like, "Let's get the beef too."

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Okay, so, so- Somebody messed up the numbers. So, uh, guys, so those four episodes will be released as the lost episodes. After which, the show is going to be converting, the talk show will be converting to a once a week format. Um, and ideally, we could all pull this off in the next two months. Thank you.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  It's a once a week format?

• 51:06Speaker 03

  Four.

• 51:07Adam Friedland?

  I think I'm, this is my-

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Five.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  What's this?

• 51:11Speaker 03

  Six, that's the bonus. That one goes in the back.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then we gotta like-

• 51:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, get the cards. So the bonus one goes there.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 03

  Seven, six. Wow, great.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  Three. Oh wait, three.

• 51:28Speaker 03

  Three.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  And that's, that's four.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, perfect.

• 51:33Adam Friedland?

  But are the DVDs in that order?

• 51:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, we got those too. So you were saying or whatever?

• 51:43Speaker 03

  And if you guys have never seen homicide-

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Oh, what a show.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  Uh, just watch the bop gun episode.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  What's the bop gun on?

• 51:49Speaker 03

  It's the one with, uh, Robin Williams. Where Robin Williams guest stars-

• 51:53Speaker 02

  He gets turned around on the train?

• 51:54Speaker 03

  No, uh, they-

• 51:55Speaker 02

  What's that? When he gets turned around on the train?

• 51:57Speaker 03

  They, they play, uh, he's, uh, the husband, it's a midwestern family that comes and visits the city. And, uh, a couple of teenagers go to rob them. And the wife, like, stands up to them and they kill the wife by accident. And so it's like them doing the investigation at the same time as Robin Williams is in the hotel with his kids. And he's like reeling because his wife was just murdered and-

• 52:18Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  He has to go identify the body and stuff. And yeah, and he keeps doing that stuff.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Who vacations in Baltimore?

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. I think that was probably the first mistake.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  Did you see?

• 52:27Speaker 03

  He's like, ooh.

• 52:28Speaker 02

  Was it?

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  SUV or, it wasn't one of those?

• 52:30Speaker 03

  SUV?

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, but one of them, he got turned around on the subway. It was Robin, wasn't it Robin Williams or was it the original guy they wanted for it? You know when the subway train, you get fall and then it spins you, so like your body's, it's over, it's spun, your legs are still, but your top is spun.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  What are you talking about? Sorry, how?

• 52:45Speaker 02

  One of these types of shows.

• 52:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  A character fell into the subway or got pushed, your body's spun, so you're still alive, but like, we're gonna have to move the, as soon as we move the car, the train, like, you're gonna spill out. And so then it was like, he had to call his wife. I thought it was Robin Williams played that.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  I think you're thinking of the movie Signs, when the woman's pinned against the tree.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  And once they let her out, it's like, it's gonna go.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  Or the death of Anton Yelchin.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  No, that's where they stole it from.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  He's like, I'll see you guys later, I'm gonna go check the mail. It's really sad how that guy died. I know, and he was a great actor. He was a good actor. That guy had, that guy had a great future ahead of him. Yeah. Yeah. You ever see, uh, Green Room?

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Green Room?

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Great movie.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a movie?

• 53:28Speaker 03

  That's who, that's who.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  The, with the neo Nazis, the punks, the punk band of the neo Nazis.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  You should've gotten, uh, what's his, Jeremy Solnier, is that how you pronounce his name?

• 53:37Speaker 02

  Timothy Chalamet.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Which guy is that? Jeremy Solnier, the guy that directed Green Room and, uh,

• 53:41Speaker 02

  It was like North Carolina guys.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Blue Ruin.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  They're really good, those guys.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you could've had him. Yeah, him and Macon Blair is the other.

• 53:47Speaker 02

  If I could have him what?

• 53:48Speaker 03

  Stars in both of them. What's that?

• 53:49Speaker 02

  If I could have him what?

• 53:50Speaker 03

  Do the show, does it?

• 53:51Adam Friedland?

  I mean, so, yeah, so, so basically over the next two months, we're gonna be banking, like, uh,

• 53:56Speaker 02

  I'm listening.

• 53:57Adam Friedland?

  Sorry. Oh, yeah, I said bank.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:59Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. That was good.

• 54:03Adam Friedland?

  I thought you were making fun of me, and then you were making fun of, uh,

• 54:06Speaker 02

  Cheers in general.

• 54:07Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  Tell your dad to smoke that.

• 54:08Adam Friedland?

  It's kinda over for us, I think.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  We're coming back, we're laying in wait. By the way, we're keeping track of what you say about Israel.

• 54:16Adam Friedland?

  It's kind of over.

• 54:17Speaker 03

  That's why I'm getting out now, dude.

• 54:18Speaker 02

  Get out now before the revenge starts.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  We've got like eight Hamas left and they're coming for you.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  Go ahead. What are you gonna take away from me?

• 54:24Adam Friedland?

  No, what's gonna happen is I'm.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  What are you gonna take away? My small motors?

• 54:28Adam Friedland?

  What's gonna be happening is Nick is gonna be getting to work on, on his, an attic for us.

• 54:34Speaker 02

  Oh, nice. Did he build one?

• 54:35Adam Friedland?

  To hide us.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  I only recently found out that the Anne Frank secret annex was like a whole other fucking building.

• 54:41Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it was like a brownstone.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was like, it was like a mansion.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  It was great. It was so much space. Headroom.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  Well, I was a kid. I learned about it. I thought it was like a secret room.

• 54:50Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  Like they were living in, like, there was like clock gears and stuff and steam.

• 54:54Adam Friedland?

  Wasn't it behind like a file cabinet or something?

• 54:56Speaker 03

  It was, yeah, it was behind a file cabinet, but then it goes to like a whole other building.

• 55:00Adam Friedland?

  So it's like a cool house. It's like a bookshelf that comes out.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  It's like, well, the Nazis weren't even really trying to find people.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  You notice where one building ends and another start? What's up here? I don't know.

• 55:09Speaker 03

  Cause you gotta imagine if that's your, if you're just like trying to get through this bullshit war and your uncle gets a job going around ass finding Jews, right? I, I would be like, you got any Jews here? All right, then. Can you just sign this?

• 55:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. The way I checked IDs.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, right. Yeah, sure. Exactly.

• 55:26Adam Friedland?

  Classic Astaba.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like, fuck. Yeah. I wish Quiznos existed already.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  They're gonna fucking Quiznos right now instead of eating a bar of chocolate and a beet.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  This war sucks. This war fucking sucks. Let's just get some of these droop bubbles.

• 55:45Adam Friedland?

  Dude, I wish I was.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  So what? You're gonna interview one person a week?

• 55:48Adam Friedland?

  So the, the episodes will be, uh, like beginning.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Talks or like hard hitting interviews? Getting to know somebody?

• 55:55Adam Friedland?

  Have you seen the epis- have you seen the interviews? You haven't watched it? People are saying.

• 56:02Adam Friedland?

  Well, I don't know. Good things.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Okay. What is it though? Is it like a fuck around or is it like?

• 56:07Adam Friedland?

  It's like long form interviews. Yeah, yeah. So it's like what we've been doing, but the narrative aspect of the show. Cause that was Nick, Nick would do the introduction sections and so that, that's obviously gonna be changing.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  That's not gonna go anywhere.

• 56:19Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  Can you maybe AI it?

• 56:22Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, sure. Yeah, we could AI it.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Permission?

• 56:24Adam Friedland?

  Do you know, do you know anyone that knows?

• 56:26Speaker 03

  Do whatever you want. I'm, I'm excited to watch homicide, fucking.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Dude, you're like fully retiring. You and Tim Dillon should do something together. I keep saying it. I'll, I'll say it once a year. You guys just work on something together.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  You're like, you're like, I'm just gonna retire.

• 56:43Adam Friedland?

  You're being like a mom right now. Oh, cool.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  Is that like a mom?

• 56:47Adam Friedland?

  Before I moved to New York, my mom was like, just-

• 56:49Speaker 03

  These really are the perfect-

• 56:50Adam Friedland?

  She's like, just, just go to, just find where Jerry Seinfeld lives. Knock on his door, say, I'm a young Jewish comedian.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:58Adam Friedland?

  And I was like, mom, I was like-

• 57:00Speaker 03

  Is that how your mom talked?

• 57:02Adam Friedland?

  No, I just did a stare.

• 57:03Speaker 02

  And it worked?

• 57:03Adam Friedland?

  No, she's, just go to Jerry Seinfeld's house, baby.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  I love how he has a house in New York.

• 57:08Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, like, yeah, he's got a guy from Up.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  It's a house in a city.

• 57:14Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 57:14Speaker 03

  And Adam's the fat Korean boy?

• 57:16Adam Friedland?

  He's like, go away! Just go to Tim Dillon's-

• 57:19Speaker 03

  Just go away, I don't want you here at my house.

• 57:22Adam Friedland?

  Do everything he tells you to do.

• 57:26Adam Friedland?

  Don't worry about the part that you forgot after the rag went on your face.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Who are you doing? Is that Julia Childs?

• 57:32Adam Friedland?

  My mom.

• 57:33Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, it sounds like Julia Childs.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  Julia Childs, you're doing.

• 57:35Adam Friedland?

  Oh, today, we're like-

• 57:37Speaker 02

  It's pretty close.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  She's the same-

• 57:38Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, like a, oh.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  She was also Queen Elizabeth.

• 57:43Adam Friedland?

  I don't know what her voice sound like.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Oh, like that.

• 57:47Adam Friedland?

  Cause she had a comb in her throat. Yeah, she was the, the England's rose, they say.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:53Adam Friedland?

  The throat-

• 57:54Speaker 02

  What's the new, what's the new, what's the new interview show gonna be called?

• 57:57Speaker 03

  The Adam Friedland Show.

• 57:58Adam Friedland?

  And we're gonna be releasing those four episodes in the, in the meantime-

• 58:02Speaker 02

  To get it going.

• 58:02Adam Friedland?

  And then in March, we will, in March, April, we're gonna be converting to a once a week format. And relaunching-

• 58:09Speaker 02

  I'm happy for you, buddy.

• 58:10Adam Friedland?

  The show.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  For me?

• 58:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  Why? But I'm not involved in any of that.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  No, I'm saying for you to fucking take off.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:18Adam Friedland?

  Why? Does it sound bad?

• 58:19Speaker 03

  I was worried about it-

• 58:20Speaker 02

  No, as you were saying that, I was like, oh my god, I've heard people promote stuff so many times. I've done it so many times.

• 58:25Adam Friedland?

  But you weren't listening to the words.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Right, it tunes you out. And then I'm realizing like, oh, I've done that too. And then I'm like, look at this guy, he's not gonna have to deal with that shit anymore. And I'm like, I'm happy for you.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  I was worried about, cause I really don't, I have nothing lined up. But yesterday, when that litter box started whining and screaming-

• 58:40Adam Friedland?

  This is what they do to Jews.

• 58:41Speaker 03

  The arrow lights?

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:42Speaker 03

  The arrow lights are going off?

• 58:44Adam Friedland?

  This is what, this is what they do.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  I mean, he's gonna not have work. It's like he's going into the weekend of his life.

• 58:48Adam Friedland?

  No, that's not what's hap-

• 58:50Speaker 03

  And then I pulled that, I pulled that fucking thing apart and I said, god damn it, I can fix this thing.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  And you fixed it.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  And I fixed it.

• 58:56Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Cause your mind's not here, it's there.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  It's there in that litter box.

• 58:59Speaker 03

  This is fucking perfect for me. I can do this.

• 59:01Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  Alright, we're gonna go to the office.

• 59:08Speaker 03

  I think I might try to draw something like Garfield, that's my plan.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  Like a new Garfield?

• 59:12Speaker 03

  Cause I can draw as good as Jim Davis, and it's like, I just need an idea. I mean, cat's been taken already.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Cat's been taken.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  I was thinking dog, but there's a lot of that also.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Ferret. Cause his owner's gonna be weird.

• 59:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, but not, people don't have ferrets.

• 59:25Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 59:26Speaker 02

  Oh, so it won't relate to it as much.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  So it would have to be something like a talking, automatic litter box, something that everybody has, that's broken.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  Dishes.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  And John Arbuckle has to fix it.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. It's just really autobiographical.

• 59:38Adam Friedland?

  You keep John Arbuckle?

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, still John there.

• 59:40Adam Friedland?

  Still has John Arbuckle?

• 59:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a cartoon, of course.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, how lasagna getting here?

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, right. Or how about, you know, it's like a musical, but from Odie's perspective.

• 59:53Adam Friedland?

  Oh, that's pretty good.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's called Wicked.

• 59:56Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Just starting.

• 59:59Speaker 03

  And it's Garfield's back, it's a black lady painted like a dog.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  So they just made the witch a black chick?

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  No, she's great.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Oh, green, right.

• 1:00:08Adam Friedland?

  She's amazing. I watched it. She was really good in that, in The Wicked.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  It's good, it's a good movie.

• 1:00:14Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, um.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  How can it be a good movie? It's a musical.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  It's fun, it's fun.

• 1:00:17Adam Friedland?

  I like musicals. We like musicals here.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  It's fun, and I called it, Pete. I said, cause everybody, we watch it, and it looks like the backgrounds look flat, or miscolored or something. Well, it's because they shot it for 3D, and I said, I know this is, this is because this is supposed to be 3D. Came out on Apple TV, in 3D.

• 1:00:35Adam Friedland?

  Oh, really?

• 1:00:36Speaker 02

  In 3D? What, do you put glasses on, or?

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, my TV came with the glasses, and now they don't make TVs that have like, the fucking, the 3D anymore, so I don't know.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  Maybe, uh.

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  You gotta shoot it for not 3D too, you gotta think most people watching it.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  Well, they did. I mean, in the theater, they didn't have it in 3D.

• 1:00:56Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  It's a home release.

• 1:00:57Adam Friedland?

  It's two formats.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, did you go to see the Regal?

• 1:01:01Adam Friedland?

  I s- I, I rented it on the TV with my girl.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  What's the 4DX thing? I keep hearing about this.

• 1:01:05Adam Friedland?

  It's like you get like, like mist on you.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  But I've seen that.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  I wanna do it. I've never done it.

• 1:01:10Adam Friedland?

  I saw, I saw, um, 2049 or whatever, uh.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Blade Runner.

• 1:01:16Adam Friedland?

  Blade Runner, yeah.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  It's sort of like blowing smoke at you.

• 1:01:19Adam Friedland?

  Well, it was like, you know how it rains a lot in that movie, so you just get mist on you the whole time? I was kinda wet.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  I saw that in 3D.

• 1:01:26Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I saw it in, in the 4D, yeah, with, with Jonah.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  That's a good movie. I'm gonna re-watch that. I'm gonna go home and re-watch that.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I wanna see that. God, you have so much time.

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  I'm gonna go for a walk. I started walking also.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  It's just gonna be great.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  And then I think I might start running, too.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  You won't.

• 1:01:41Speaker 03

  I could.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  But right now, you're in the twilight of your retirement where you, everything's possible. You're not gonna, but everything's possible. So just add to the list.

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  I'm pretty good at riding the exercise bike. I got a training plan and I stay consistent with it. Yeah.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  Well, I, I, the watch keeps telling me my cardio health is low, but I've gotten it now to, it's almost above average. I've gone up. I've gone up.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  You got a two average, you're fine.

• 1:02:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, about six weeks.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Use a sleeping Snoopy as your motivation to get going?

• 1:02:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love Snoopy. I love checking the watch, seeing what he's up to.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  He's just chilling. He doesn't nap.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  He's always, no, he's always doing it.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  But before, look, he's not.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  He's doing jazzercise.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Oh, that's pretty cool.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  My, my, my mom's in there. What do we got?

• 1:02:28Adam Friedland?

  Uh, we've got kickoff.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  I mean, you're not gonna miss this.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  All right, stop it.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  Having to read stuff off a piece of paper.

• 1:02:36Adam Friedland?

  I have to do it and I don't know how to read.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, no more reading for me. I'll never have to read again.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Ooh, I wanna re-watch Wild at Heart.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  Ooh, is it the Bruce Willis one?

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  I haven't, yeah, I haven't, I haven't thought about like what David Lynch movie to watch since his, uh.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  Demise.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  Pete, did you just say bad movie? You don't like it.

• 1:02:54Adam Friedland?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  That's interesting.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  I think he killed himself to get, to keep from getting out about Diddy's parties.

• 1:03:02Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, he's, it's all connected.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  Nicolas Cage?

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  I thought he was, I thought he was very funny.

• 1:03:13Adam Friedland?

  Willem Dafoe is so scary in that movie.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Is that what he's a vampire?

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  No, you're thinking of, uh, what, Embrace of a Vampire, Kiss of a Vampire?

• 1:03:19Adam Friedland?

  No, uh, Vampire's Kiss.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  Vampire's Kiss.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Like, low budget with Nicolas Cage.

• 1:03:23Adam Friedland?

  He, that, it's him going full Cage.

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  And, and kinda just alone in a hotel room for a while.

• 1:03:28Adam Friedland?

  He, he just like, yeah, it's, it's some of the most Cage you can get in a movie for, for, for your buck.

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  And we'll cut that part where I said the N-word, sort of, yeah. So why don't you read the last part? I said the N-word right in the middle of this, so just.

• 1:03:42Adam Friedland?

  I think I got it clean the second time.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Oh, we got it clean?

• 1:03:44Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I got it clean, yeah.

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  I was just kidding, I didn't say the N-word.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, what you're hearing is a-

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  I didn't say any slurs.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  Ripple in time.

• 1:03:53Speaker 03

  Over the last eight years, I have never said a slur.

• 1:03:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, this guy's not racist. Ch, ja, yeah, this guy, no, it's a different guy.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Move on.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  I mean, you would imagine a guy named Uncle Ben is probably pretty racist.

• 1:04:20Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, they named him after the black rice guy.

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  He showed up at the Super Bowl party, no one invited him, he's there. He's calling everybody an animal on the TV.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  Why, there's so many blacks on the Jets?

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  I'm not racist, I call the Filipino guy that too.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  No, I just mean his athleticism, there's something animalistic about it, like a baboon.

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben, please.

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  You hear Tony's a queer now?

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  I've only had two beers.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  He seems fine to me, guys.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  I'm okay to drive home, I only had two beers.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Ben really contained himself this time, huh? Alright, Ben, see you later, buddy. Whoa, whoa, watch out, watch out, alright.

• 1:05:10Adam Friedland?

  It'd be very funny to do that in court.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  Just try it with no powers?

• 1:05:15Adam Friedland?

  He's bringing R2-D2 into the bathroom.

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  You will ignore the obvious.

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  I didn't expose myself to those children.

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  That's gotta, that has to have happened.

• 1:05:28Adam Friedland?

  A nerd that got arrested for child pornography.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  Straight to the jury.

• 1:05:31Adam Friedland?

  In court.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  I did not download the child pornography. It's just four hundred pounds.

• 1:05:40Adam Friedland?

  Sorry, I figured I'd try it.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Whenever the judge goes to do the gavel, he's like, vroom. The judge is like, stop. Fucking don't do that. And he goes, vroom, I'm not gonna fucking tell you again, don't make the lightsaber noise when I swing my hammer.

• 1:05:58Adam Friedland?

  He tries to go super sane right before the, the bailiff tries to take him out.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  That would be a black nerd.

• 1:06:02Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, but it, it would be a black nerd, yeah, to try to go Dragon Ball Z.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  Black nerd master race.

• 1:06:07Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  If you wanna see more of this riffing, find out where Nick gets his oatmeal from and meet him in the bodega.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  Check out Cum Town, podcast that was on.

• 1:06:16Adam Friedland?

  You can.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  Many years ago, yeah.

• 1:06:17Adam Friedland?

  You can check out Cum Town?

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  It's still online.

• 1:06:19Adam Friedland?

  It's still online, it's everywhere?

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm about to take down all my old episodes of my old podcast.

• 1:06:23Adam Friedland?

  Why? Cause you got an SNL?

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get someone in trouble.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  Who's gonna get in trouble?

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  I don't know till it happens.

• 1:06:27Speaker 03

  Barack Obama on there.

• 1:06:29Adam Friedland?

  I don't think people get in trouble anywhere.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  You know I can't stand Chinese people.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  He used to say terrible things. Someone's married now, I'm sure we talked about hookers or some shit.

• 1:06:37Adam Friedland?

  Really?

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  Well, I don't even know what the lines are.

• 1:06:39Speaker 03

  Who?

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't know.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  It had to be somebody specific.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  No, I'm just saying like.

• 1:06:43Adam Friedland?

  What's the name of the married guy who's up with the hookers?

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  There's an episode from ten years ago where you said, on January twenty-third, twenty twenty-five, Burt Kreischer will die.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  I've, I said it on every episode, I just timed it out. So like eventually one will be right. I started with twenty twenty-four, so ten years and I got to twenty thirty-four.

• 1:07:04Speaker 03

  People would just be like, whoa.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Duncan would do that at the end of every set in, in LA for like two months. He goes, thanks everybody. By the way, this week, there will be a major earthquake.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Speaker 02

  Goodbye. And then like every like seven months it happened. And you know people like, what the fuck, that guy called it?

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's creative, that guy.

• 1:07:24Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, I wonder what would happen if Burt died? There would be like tribute posts of like a.

• 1:07:29Speaker 03

  I would rebrand, I would rebrand as Ernie Kreischer. And I would go around talking about, oh, my best, my best friend died?

• 1:07:39Adam Friedland?

  Well, the machine is gone.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  I hope he just goes. I hope he doesn't just become like one of those like side talkers.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  The bad guy from Breaking Bad?

• 1:07:50Speaker 03

  Just Bert ding ding ding. They have to bring him a Monster Energy with vodka.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  Bring my medicine with vodka?

• 1:07:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. He has like a fitted, a fitted like Volcom helmet.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. Take his medicine through like a bear helmet.

• 1:08:11Adam Friedland?

  He's still podcasting.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  He's learning to buzz for like, yeah.

• 1:08:20Adam Friedland?

  Cigars like in a hospital room with him. Oh, man.

• 1:08:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. It's so funny. You see, you're in comedy long enough just to see people's bodies really just develop in, in very funny ways.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bert was always fat, but now it's a new level.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  I love that Dan's turned into like a Civil War general.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Who's Dan?

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Dan Soder.

• 1:08:40Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:08:41Adam Friedland?

  His body?

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  No, it's, it's, he went gray and he, he got rid of the beard, but he had a beard for a while.

• 1:08:46Adam Friedland?

  He looked like Robert E. Lee.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, he did. He looked like, I've seen too many men lose their legs.

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  Place it, but yeah.

• 1:08:51Adam Friedland?

  Grant.

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:54Adam Friedland?

  I just finished Grant.

• 1:08:55Speaker 02

  He does look like a statue that'll get taken down eventually. Yeah.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  The Dan Soder statue.

• 1:09:00Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Why is this even still up? What are we even celebrating?

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  I can't believe they took down all the Confederate statues, but they left Bob's Big Boy up.

• 1:09:07Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Speaker 03

  That seems like the most racist of the statues.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't really know the context, but seeing that, I don't, there's no, exactly.

• 1:09:17Adam Friedland?

  He can't like black people.

• 1:09:17Speaker 03

  No one who does that has not like, that's the, that's the sheriff from Mississippi Burning.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  I just kicked some blacks out of the counter.

• 1:09:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. We don't like them in our town.

• 1:09:27Speaker 02

  Don't worry, boys. Watts only today.

• 1:09:29Speaker 03

  That statue's fine.

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31Adam Friedland?

  It's true.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  So big too. He's a big, big boy.

• 1:09:34Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. I wonder if, you know, we know anyone that'll get a statue?

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  I went to, I brought Louis to a Bob's Big Boy.

• 1:09:42Adam Friedland?

  Where in Texas?

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  No, in, uh, somewhere in the mid, well, I guess Rust Belt.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  Did you think the statue was his dead dad?

• 1:09:48Speaker 03

  We drove to Detroit. Yeah, he did. He was like, dad?

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  He was the father he never had.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  Dad?

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  I didn't imagine that's what he was like.

• 1:09:54Speaker 03

  Stop sign. And he goes, oh, dad? No, stray cat.

• 1:09:59Speaker 03

  Dad, that's the rental car.

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  Doggy.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Doggy.

• 1:10:07Speaker 03

  No, that's, that's the.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  Doggy.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  That's the Bangladeshi man at the Red Roof Inn. Uh, no, we were driving back from Detroit and we stopped at a Bob's Big Boy and, uh.

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  He'd never been.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  He had never been. And then he pointed that out. He's like, I've never been to a place like this.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  A place like this.

• 1:10:26Adam Friedland?

  A place like this.

• 1:10:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I'm like, welcome, dude.

• 1:10:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, welcome to this world.

• 1:10:32Speaker 03

  Welcome to Bob's Big Boy.

• 1:10:32Speaker 02

  Cracker Barrel's next.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Speaker 02

  And then Po Boys, if you want to upscale it.

• 1:10:35Adam Friedland?

  I, I wanna, I wanna call out Louis. Actually, I did the Story Wars.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:10:39Adam Friedland?

  He's, he won his own talk show and he said he's like on a like a 10 week streak.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's crushing it.

• 1:10:45Adam Friedland?

  He's definitely cheating at his own talk show.

• 1:10:47Speaker 02

  He's crushing it.

• 1:10:47Speaker 03

  Is he judging it?

• 1:10:48Adam Friedland?

  No, he's a contestant on the talk show.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Play a lot better. It's when Ben Stein's money, but it's.

• 1:10:52Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, but Louis wins every week.

• 1:10:54Speaker 03

  Ken Jennings hosts Jeopardy.

• 1:10:56Adam Friedland?

  Does he, does he say the answer?

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  No, he doesn't play with them though. Louis is playing with them.

• 1:11:00Adam Friedland?

  Louis is playing along. Yeah. But he won before he got to be the host.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he won Jeopardy.

• 1:11:04Adam Friedland?

  I'm just calling bullshit. I think Louis knows what all the, what all the answers are.

• 1:11:08Speaker 03

  I think you're jealous of Louis.

• 1:11:10Adam Friedland?

  I'm jealous. I, I got second place.

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  I won.

• 1:11:12Adam Friedland?

  You won?

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:13Adam Friedland?

  Okay. So, so.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  So you lost. You're the loser.

• 1:11:15Adam Friedland?

  I got second one.

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  This is basically like, are you smarter than a fifth grader and you've lost to the fucker?

• 1:11:19Speaker 02

  It basically is.

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:21Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  That's about right.

• 1:11:23Adam Friedland?

  Me and Jay are not smarter. Yeah.

• 1:11:25Speaker 03

  You're like, then the fifth grader wins.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:27Speaker 03

  They can't win. It's their show.

• 1:11:31Adam Friedland?

  They're not the host of the show. That's all I'm saying. I just felt like there was a corruption happening under.

• 1:11:36Speaker 02

  You're even second to Louis.

• 1:11:38Adam Friedland?

  Don't say it that way. When you put it that way, yes.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  Second to Louis.

• 1:11:42Adam Friedland?

  Second to Louis.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  That's, that's, uh, that's what Jared Leto's band, right?

• 1:11:46Adam Friedland?

  No, no, that's, it's the, it's the spin off of Better Than Ezra.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:11:50Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:51Adam Friedland?

  Second to Louis.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  That's 48 minutes to home, according to my Google Maps.

• 1:11:55Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 1:11:56Adam Friedland?

  It's, uh, yeah, he, uh.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  What's his original band name?

• 1:12:01Speaker 03

  You know the guy that wrote Forty Eight Hours directed the Street Fighter movie?

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  No, really? Finally got a shot.

• 1:12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. You know Kylie Minogue is in that movie?

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  No, really? You know she's a billion?

• 1:12:12Speaker 03

  She's a billion dollars.

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  Years old. She's just like, she was around when I was like in high school.

• 1:12:17Speaker 03

  She's been around for a long time. She's been around since like the eighties.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Then she like relaunched as a sex symbol. I'm like, wait, the one from like my childhood?

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  She makes great music.

• 1:12:24Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, gay guys love her. She means a lot to gay guys. That's honestly, you should become a gay icon, Nick.

• 1:12:31Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what you're doing with your time?

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  I don't want to be an icon of any kind.

• 1:12:35Adam Friedland?

  No, but gay icon is like the best career.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  The only icons I want to hear about are the ones on my, my Windows ninety-eight desktop.

• 1:12:45Speaker 02

  Damn. I can see you looking out your window and like, and like being annoyed at people walking by for a while. Going to a phase like that?

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  No, no, I get along with people. Just like passerby's.

• 1:12:56Adam Friedland?

  He helps people fix their cars. He's kind of, he's a good, he's a good citizen.

• 1:13:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:02Adam Friedland?

  He's a good member of his community.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  I was, I was waiting for the train to come here today and there was like people all waiting for the train.

• 1:13:08Speaker 02

  See that guy's just like Keanu Reeves, normal guy.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, it's, it's like, costs like fifty dollars to take a lift here. It's insane.

• 1:13:15Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it's a lot.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  With the congestion pricing.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  He lives in Philadelphia.

• 1:13:19Adam Friedland?

  I took one today. It was thirty.

• 1:13:21Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 1:13:21Adam Friedland?

  Anyway, wait, you were waiting for the train?

• 1:13:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's just, well, whatever.

• 1:13:26Adam Friedland?

  I want to hear this nice story.

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  He shit in his hand and he rubbed it in someone's face.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  No, I just, I saw all the people going to work and stuff and I'm like, all these people living their lives.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  So long, suckers. Last thing for me.

• 1:13:37Adam Friedland?

  This is the happiest I've ever seen you.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  He's so stoked to get away from this place.

• 1:13:41Adam Friedland?

  No, don't put it that way.

• 1:13:43Speaker 02

  The feng shui in here is crazy. There's so much wasted space and he's like, I need a bigger corner.

• 1:13:48Adam Friedland?

  Don't start on that. Don't start on that.

• 1:13:51Speaker 03

  Sets are supposed to have wasted space.

• 1:13:53Speaker 02

  But not way back there.

• 1:13:54Adam Friedland?

  It's supposed to make it look like it's far.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  Not there.

• 1:13:58Adam Friedland?

  Oh, you're a production designer. Oh, there? Yeah, don't worry, dude.

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  That space is for Mr. Hashimoto and the tools.

• 1:14:03Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. Yeah, haven't you met our, our file cabinet, Mr. Hashimoto? He's suicidal. Cause he's been, he's a Japanese work, uh, worker businessman. Yeah. He's like, ah, today is the day.

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  Kill myself.

• 1:14:19Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, but now he hangs out with us.

• 1:14:21Speaker 02

  That's not bad.

• 1:14:22Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  You should come in here, just come to the door and then go, nope, smile and turn around.

• 1:14:28Adam Friedland?

  Why are you putting it this way, Ari? I'm really sad right now. This is a sad thing.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  You're starting a new chapter in your life.

• 1:14:34Adam Friedland?

  It's not a new chapter. I'm continuing on with the talk show.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  This is when you go to one set of footprints.

• 1:14:38Adam Friedland?

  You're saying this, Ari, after the show, after the show. Yeah, no, it was always one set.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  It was always one set.

• 1:14:46Adam Friedland?

  He was always hearing me, yeah. Okay, after this, we're gonna go to the office.

• 1:14:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:51Adam Friedland?

  I'm gonna show you the Jadakiss episode of the, of the talk show.

• 1:14:55Speaker 02

  Interview Jadakiss?

• 1:14:56Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, he's, you're, what, clearly you're not paying attention to the news.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  Is it out yet?

• 1:15:02Adam Friedland?

  It's been out.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Here's, this is actually a fun story.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  And then you're gonna FaceTime.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  As a throwaway joke, I said that I was friends with Jadakiss.

• 1:15:09Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  On the show, and then Jadakiss's actual friend reached out and was like, I can get Jadakiss for the show.

• 1:15:14Adam Friedland?

  And then we actually got Jadakiss. It was like a joke that Nick, as our Dracula character, was best friends with Jadakiss.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  Wow, and you got him.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  Jadakiss for real.

• 1:15:23Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, some magic things happened.

• 1:15:24Speaker 02

  I have, I guess, one question.

• 1:15:26Adam Friedland?

  When you watched the show, you, you would've, you would've known. You were too busy watching.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  I have a, no, I had long COVID, I have bad memory. Here's my one question.

• 1:15:35Adam Friedland?

  Wait, so you're a liar too?

• 1:15:38Speaker 02

  Who's Jadakiss? Judaciss?

• 1:15:41Adam Friedland?

  No, Jadakiss, he's a rapper.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  No, you're thinking of like Kanye West.

• 1:15:45Adam Friedland?

  No, there's more.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  Jadakiss.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Usher?

• 1:15:51Adam Friedland?

  J, duh, wa, kiss you, you broke.

• 1:15:54Speaker 03

  You know Jadakiss.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  I don't think I do.

• 1:15:56Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:15:56Adam Friedland?

  I'll kiss you, you bitch ass beep.

• 1:15:58Speaker 02

  No, give me a song I would know.

• 1:16:00Adam Friedland?

  Uh, I mean, that's, like, We Gonna Make It is one of the best songs ever.

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  Big Willie style.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  We Gonna Be All Right.

• 1:16:08Adam Friedland?

  No, that's Kendrick Lamar.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did he, was he, was he on that one?

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Parents just don't understand.

• 1:16:14Speaker 02

  I know that one.

• 1:16:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a, I know, but it's a song that you know.

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  I do know that one.

• 1:16:19Speaker 03

  You said, give me a song that I know.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  We gonna be alright. It's not bad.

• 1:16:22Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:16:22Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  The diss rap.

• 1:16:23Speaker 03

  Mambo number five. That's a song you know.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  The diss rap on Kanye, I know that one.

• 1:16:28Adam Friedland?

  You know the Blue, Blue Dabba D song?

• 1:16:30Speaker 02

  Dabba dee dee.

• 1:16:32Speaker 03

  That's a great song.

• 1:16:32Speaker 02

  Give me one from Jada Kiss.

• 1:16:34Adam Friedland?

  Um, you know the one, uh, ti, pi, es, de, pi, es, da, nu, ma, nu, ma, ye, nu, ma, nu, ma, ye, nu, ma, nu, ma, nu, ma, ye.

• 1:16:42Speaker 02

  I know that. That's not Jada Kiss.

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:16:44Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Give me one from the, from the Kiss man that I would know.

• 1:16:46Adam Friedland?

  He was in this group, The Locks. He was, uh, he did the-

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  Does he paint his face all like white and black? Like a cat?

• 1:16:52Adam Friedland?

  No, no, no. He's, he's a black guy.

• 1:16:54Speaker 03

  That's regular Kiss.

• 1:16:55Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. That's Kiss. Yeah, yeah. He likes Trump. Uh, he, uh, he was in this group, The Locks, and then-

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  The Locks?

• 1:17:02Adam Friedland?

  The Locks, and then, yeah, he was a-

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  About John Locke from the show Lost?

• 1:17:05Adam Friedland?

  It's about John Locke, the philosopher. Yeah, actually. Um, and then, uh, and he was, uh, you might know from the Honey-

• 1:17:10Speaker 03

  I'm going to watch Lost. I've never watched that.

• 1:17:13Adam Friedland?

  Oh, you've never seen Lost?

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  I've never watched The Walking Dead. I've never watched that.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  Don't bother with Lost. It's, it's not worth it.

• 1:17:17Adam Friedland?

  It gets bad. The first two seasons are awesome.

• 1:17:18Speaker 02

  Walking Dead, you can eventually go, I'm out.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  The Game of Thrones. It's another one.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  That's another one where it's like, don't even get it. The endings are so bad, you're like, it's not worth it.

• 1:17:26Speaker 03

  I've been watching The Game of Thrones.

• 1:17:28Adam Friedland?

  I wonder what the thing is that's gonna be like-

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  It's all a big game.

• 1:17:30Adam Friedland?

  That's gonna trigger you, like, taking your corners back? There's gonna be like a, like an event where you remember, and you have to like get, get the squad back together.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  It would have to be that the president has a very thick African accent.

• 1:17:41Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  I mean, it would have, that, that would have to be it.

• 1:17:44Adam Friedland?

  I can make that happen.

• 1:17:45Speaker 03

  No, you can't.

• 1:17:45Adam Friedland?

  I can work the rest of my life to make that happen.

• 1:17:48Speaker 02

  What did Jada Kiss have to say?

• 1:17:49Adam Friedland?

  Uh, I don't know. We just, it was a good-

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  Now, who doesn't watch?

• 1:17:52Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. We had Neil deGrasse Tyson.

• 1:17:54Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:17:55Adam Friedland?

  We had Chris Cuomo.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  Did Neil deGrasse Tyson talk about what went on at those Diddy parties?

• 1:17:59Speaker 03

  No, this was before.

• 1:17:59Adam Friedland?

  He said he went to the freak-offs. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:18:03Speaker 03

  He came in here and he confidently stated, I've never had sex.

• 1:18:08Speaker 02

  That's a great, like, just right away.

• 1:18:09Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:10Speaker 02

  Nope. Done none of that.

• 1:18:13Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, um, we had Chris Cuomo from CNN.

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 1:18:17Adam Friedland?

  You know that guy?

• 1:18:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. Who, that's talented, have you had on?

• 1:18:21Adam Friedland?

  What do you mean? We have a lot of talented people.

• 1:18:23Speaker 03

  Jada, Jada Kiss is probably the only one.

• 1:18:25Speaker 02

  Jada Kiss, probably, yeah.

• 1:18:26Adam Friedland?

  Who else?

• 1:18:27Speaker 03

  The rest of them are just sort of figures.

• 1:18:28Adam Friedland?

  We had, uh, apparently, I think you, you, you may have had a-

• 1:18:31Speaker 03

  Paul Schrader was talented.

• 1:18:33Adam Friedland?

  Paul Schrader, the, the guy who wrote, uh, Taxi Driver?

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  From Silver Spoons?

• 1:18:36Speaker 03

  He's the guy that directed Street Fighter.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:18:40Speaker 03

  Blue collar, street fighter.

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, not bad.

• 1:18:42Adam Friedland?

  You know the movie Taxi Driver, Martin Scorsese?

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:18:45Adam Friedland?

  He wrote that?

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:18:47Adam Friedland?

  I believe he did.

• 1:18:49Speaker 03

  No, Robert De Niro wrote it, dude.

• 1:18:50Adam Friedland?

  Did he?

• 1:18:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  He riffed that out.

• 1:18:54Adam Friedland?

  I just remembered something. It's not nice to say.

• 1:18:56Speaker 03

  They said, "Roll," and then, uh...

• 1:18:58Speaker 02

  He rolled.

• 1:18:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's like, "What if I was like a taxi driver?" They're like, "Go, just go with that."

• 1:19:02Speaker 02

  Okay, well, we're not in, I guess there's one nearby, he's like, "Get it."

• 1:19:06Speaker 03

  He's like, "Get a cab, I got an idea."

• 1:19:10Speaker 03

  He riffed it out.

• 1:19:11Adam Friedland?

  One last ride.

• 1:19:12Speaker 02

  The guy was really great for a while. Get him, he's a New Yorker.

• 1:19:15Adam Friedland?

  De Niro?

• 1:19:16Speaker 02

  Robert De Niro.

• 1:19:17Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:17Speaker 03

  He's like, "I just wanna say..."

• 1:19:18Speaker 02

  One of his ex-wives.

• 1:19:19Adam Friedland?

  You have an in?

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  Donald Trump, you crap, fuck, ass. You're an ass crap, you know?

• 1:19:26Speaker 02

  I love these old, like, tough guy actors, now just like threatening, coming online, like, "Why don't you come to my sandwich spot and I'll show you?"

• 1:19:36Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:19:37Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it was funny when he disrespected Trump and like guys on Staten Island were like, like, burning pictures of De Niro.

• 1:19:45Speaker 02

  Wow, just pictures of De Niro.

• 1:19:46Adam Friedland?

  They're like, "I had a lot of respect for you." They had them in like, in their homes.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Why would they have respect for him?

• 1:19:50Speaker 03

  I'm burning my Lego sculpture of Robert De Niro.

• 1:19:52Speaker 02

  He's an actor like all the other homos.

• 1:19:54Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah, 100% homosexual.

• 1:19:56Speaker 03

  His dad was gay.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  De Niro?

• 1:19:58Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:59Speaker 02

  Like, father, like, son?

• 1:20:00Speaker 03

  I don't know, when I, when I found out, I found that out somehow around the same time that the War Mode guys found out about it, and I didn't watch the clip, but just, I forget, I told, I told Shane, I was like, "Yeah, apparently Robert De Niro," and then he told,

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  Shane hates that.

• 1:20:14Speaker 03

  He told me, he's like, "Oh yeah, the, the war, like, Billy," he's like, "Billy found that out."

• 1:20:18Adam Friedland?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  And then I had the mental image of those guys finding out Robert De Niro's dad was gay.

• 1:20:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:24Speaker 03

  Which is like, the funniest thing I can imagine.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  The Queer-O.

• 1:20:28Speaker 03

  And so I don't even need to watch the clip, just knowing that they have that information, it's like, it's like, yeah, it's like seeing like a, like, it's like, like a body being thrown to woo's pigs.

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, oh.

• 1:20:41Speaker 03

  This piece of information being devoured.

• 1:20:45Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, it's the, just, what's that?

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:50Speaker 02

  Damn, so, are you sad at all?

• 1:20:51Speaker 03

  Um, no.

• 1:20:53Speaker 02

  Must be a touch of sadness.

• 1:20:54Speaker 03

  I, I mean, you know, I guess some, some sentimentality is due, but, uh, yeah, the last three years, uh, a lot of fun, and we did, did stuff, and, uh, yeah, you know.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  A couple of positive memories of the place.

• 1:21:06Speaker 03

  I had a, had a great time, but, the reality...

• 1:21:08Adam Friedland?

  The reality is, it's like, it does need to be like a once a week thing. We have to, yeah. And so there's not really a, you know, I don't really know what I could contribute to that if it's just interviews. So like, you know, I gotta go figure out my own thing.

• 1:21:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, move on to another stunt thing.

• 1:21:23Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, yeah. The objective is just, I mean, from the jump was that we would make something resembling a television show once a week on the internet.

• 1:21:31Speaker 02

  That's right, I remember that.

• 1:21:31Adam Friedland?

  And I will be carrying on with that mission until, until it kills me. Yeah. Yes.

• 1:21:38Speaker 02

  Nice. Get one of those zero interest loans we get. How many do you have? How many do you have? I have multiple.

• 1:21:44Adam Friedland?

  That was one of the funniest things ever.

• 1:21:46Speaker 02

  This guy was like saying it as if it's a matter of fact. I thought he was joking.

• 1:21:50Adam Friedland?

  One time I was like with Tommy Pope and, and like, I think Shane was there and Rochefort is like, I'll tell you the fucking problem with you Jews. He was like wasted. He's like, all of you, give each other zero interest loans. That's why you're so rich. And I was like, I was like.

• 1:22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, he said it yesterday. He's like, how many, how many, oh, you'll say that. How many zero interest loans do you have? I'm like, what, what, what do you, what?

• 1:22:11Adam Friedland?

  I was like, we would give our mothers like predatory loans. Like we would, we would, we would exploit family members. And he's like, and they're, I think Tommy's like, what are you guys talking about? I'm like, he thinks that Jews are like. Tommy Pope? Yeah, Tommy Pope.

• 1:22:26Speaker 02

  Just get zero interest loans.

• 1:22:28Adam Friedland?

  Zero interest loans and everyone like around the room looks and they're like, yeah, of course.

• 1:22:34Speaker 02

  The rule is you can't charge a Jew interest. The rule is not, you must give them money.

• 1:22:38Adam Friedland?

  They're like, yeah, yeah, we, yeah, of course. We all know about the zero interest.

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  Jews don't get loans from the Jews.

• 1:22:43Adam Friedland?

  What rule?

• 1:22:44Speaker 02

  There's a Tom Utter rule that if you loan money to another Jew, you can't charge him interest.

• 1:22:48Adam Friedland?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:22:51Adam Friedland?

  You don't go to Bank of America. Obviously, I can't charge you interest.

• 1:22:55Speaker 02

  Guys who get to the Instagram accounts of the anti-Jew ones go, that's what I heard.

• 1:22:58Adam Friedland?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:22:59Speaker 02

  I saw it written on meme form.

• 1:23:01Adam Friedland?

  Funny. They were all like.

• 1:23:02Speaker 02

  He said it like such a given.

• 1:23:03Adam Friedland?

  They didn't say it, they didn't say it in a way where it's like, like as, they were like, Adam, come on.

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like.

• 1:23:09Adam Friedland?

  We all know.

• 1:23:10Speaker 02

  How many do you have? Of course you have a few, right? I'm like.

• 1:23:12Adam Friedland?

  Zero interest loans? Hampton, I don't know if he wants the story told, but Hampton told me one time his dad threatened to have him sent to jail for not doing his homework.

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:23:23Adam Friedland?

  Yeah. And it was either that or like, I guess his dad also had like, you know what like geodes are?

• 1:23:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:29Adam Friedland?

  And I guess there was, I don't know.

• 1:23:31Speaker 03

  His story to tell, so it's not even really that bad.

• 1:23:33Speaker 02

  True Oates.

• 1:23:34Speaker 03

  His, uh, his dad made him like clean the basement and so like he cleaned the basement for his dad and I guess his dad had some sort of rare mineral that just looked like dust.

• 1:23:44Speaker 02

  He just cleaned it up.

• 1:23:45Speaker 03

  He just cleaned it up. And then, yeah, his dad screamed at him.

• 1:23:49Speaker 02

  My antiquities.

• 1:23:50Speaker 03

  Till he pissed himself. He told me that story. I was like, yeah, it sounds like that's pretty awful.

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:57Speaker 02

  Well, Nick, I'm fucking stoked for you, man.

• 1:23:58Speaker 03

  Thanks, man. Did you know Nick made a short film for the, for the show?

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like amazing. It's called Schindler's List.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:24:08Speaker 03

  It's a difference. It's one of the Nazi Schindlers.

• 1:24:11Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:24:11Speaker 03

  And he's like, he's like, who's going on my naughty list?

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  I thought he's like, I'm going on a run for who's sandwiches. I know you like Turkey Club. What do you want?

• 1:24:22Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's a passing of time. It's interesting. It, it feels like, even though it's the right thing to do for sure, it still feels like, since it's changing, it's like a moment of a touch of sadness.

• 1:24:32Speaker 03

  You feel that way?

• 1:24:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, a little bit. I'm letting it in right now.

• 1:24:33Speaker 03

  I only get, I only get that when I change apartments and that's why I don't.

• 1:24:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, same, same thing.

• 1:24:37Speaker 03

  That's why I don't move. Are you gonna do that thing like the, at the end of a show where you like look back into the room and you like turn the light off?

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:44Speaker 03

  I will not be giving you my keys and I'm gonna come here and continue to use the computer.

• 1:24:48Speaker 02

  He's just gonna come here to vape and go home.

• 1:24:50Speaker 03

  You can come, you can come. No, I come, I come here at like 6 a.m. He comes to right here, yeah. Anyway.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  Well, go watch my special, America's Sweetheart is on Netflix right now.

• 1:24:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:00Speaker 02

  And I'm on tour, the farewell tour. I'm doing what you're doing. I'm gonna leave comedy for like a year.

• 1:25:05Speaker 03

  That's the way to do it. I mean, the reality is, is like, I don't, in general, I just don't think that like, it's because of, like, we got put in, I mean, I don't think I can operate as a like, content creator. You know what I mean?

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  It's too much.

• 1:25:20Speaker 03

  I can't, I can't, like, I just don't work that way and I feel like it's, I, I used to be able to just sit and do nothing for a long time and then when I had something where I'm like, I wanna do this, then I could do it, you know, and I just, I just.

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, get back to it where you like let your mind get bored enough to like think of an idea.

• 1:25:34Speaker 03

  Exactly, yeah.

• 1:25:35Speaker 02

  Now I want to instead of now I'm forced to.

• 1:25:37Speaker 03

  Stephen King said that, is that, that, uh, for creative people boredom is like a, a very good place to be.

• 1:25:43Speaker 02

  I agree, I agree.

• 1:25:44Speaker 03

  Paraphrasing, but something like. Yeah, and, and for my, for my sake. He died. He spooked himself. He wrote something so scary.

• 1:25:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get that cigarette.

• 1:25:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  Finish.

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's like, what if, the old. Man in the town was actually a ghost.

• 1:26:02Adam Friedland?

  Oh, he might be here right now.

• 1:26:05Speaker 03

  What if the old man was actually a ghost, clown ghost? He's a clown ghost from a million years ago.

• 1:26:12Adam Friedland?

  Wasn't he like hammered when he wrote those books?

• 1:26:14Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, one or two of them.

• 1:26:15Adam Friedland?

  I think he like didn't remember writing something. Which one?

• 1:26:19Speaker 03

  Cujo is the one he was blacked out.

• 1:26:21Speaker 02

  The one that got me the most was Cujo.

• 1:26:23Adam Friedland?

  Anyway, so guys.

• 1:26:24Speaker 03

  It's about an asshole.

• 1:26:25Adam Friedland?

  Um.

• 1:26:27Speaker 02

  Flamed asshole.

• 1:26:28Speaker 03

  It's about a Mexican asshole. That was the original.

• 1:26:32Adam Friedland?

  Um, yes, it is, uh, it is bittersweet. Um, we are going to be changing the model for the talk show.

• 1:26:38Speaker 02

  Stop with the we.

• 1:26:40Speaker 03

  Stop, Ari, come on. Just have a little bit of heart. No, you and I will.

• 1:26:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:26:46Speaker 03

  And the rest of the Jewish media.

• 1:26:47Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:26:48Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:26:48Adam Friedland?

  Welcome aboard.

• 1:26:49Speaker 03

  Welcome aboard.

• 1:26:50Speaker 02

  Kanye, you were right, buddy. I've seen it from the inside. Everything you said came true.

• 1:26:54Adam Friedland?

  Ari's gonna be working here for twenty seven thousand dollars a year. Welcome aboard.

• 1:26:58Speaker 03

  That's all fine. Just don't Gaza me, you know?

• 1:27:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:01Speaker 03

  That's it. Y'all can do whatever you want.

• 1:27:03Speaker 02

  Don't gossip and don't Gaza.

• 1:27:05Speaker 03

  Don't Gaza me. Thing I wanted to do.

• 1:27:07Adam Friedland?

  That's a good idea.

• 1:27:08Speaker 03

  One thing I wanted to do is like a motorized, like, uh, screen that drops down and put a, put a projector there. So if you wanted to do like, uh, let's, you know, you have the guest on. You roll the tape, yeah, and you, and you would just, you could play it back there. Yeah, right. Yeah, something like that.

• 1:27:21Speaker 02

  And they put their arm like over this, you know, so like you're going like that.

• 1:27:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I thought.

• 1:27:25Speaker 02

  Like this, you're like that.

• 1:27:26Speaker 03

  I thought that would be a fun addition, but for the most part, everything's locked in here. I did take the time.

• 1:27:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:27:31Speaker 03

  I've, I fixed, I finally fixed all the chairs because the chairs had different issues, but now we have four working chairs and then there would, you, at some point, if you want to, you would probably need to do a different setup for four chairs on the stage. Which would require more lights and, uh, figuring out how to frame that.

• 1:27:48Speaker 02

  That's a pretty big light. There's a clip right now in the back of Cavs with, uh, the nerd from Friends, whatever his name is, uh, a swimmer. And he's doing an interview with like the morning. Kelly Ripa and her fucking gay husband. And, uh, they're like, we got a clip for you. And you could tell he's so not into it. And he's like, oh. And then they go to this clip. It's an old clip of Friends.

• 1:28:07Speaker 03

  What happened to Kelly Fustuka? Did she get deported?

• 1:28:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, she got deported.

• 1:28:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:12Speaker 03

  I thought about her the other day. I was like, what happened to that loud Australian lady?

• 1:28:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, she got deported.

• 1:28:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, Kelly Pistuka, yeah.

• 1:28:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  She's off doing all the blow in Australia.

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:21Speaker 02

  She's doing one gram for eighty seven thousand dollars.

• 1:28:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I was thinking about, there was a, there was a comic in Austin named Joe Schaefer, who like went to Australia and then like visited and he came back and he was like, dude, Australia was awesome. And then he went back and he was just living there. And then I saw him like four years later and I'm like, oh, you're, you're back. He's like, yeah. And like, I guess he just never, he just like, like was an illegal immigrant there and never did any of the paperwork. And they finally caught him and kicked him out of the country.

• 1:28:51Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:28:51Speaker 03

  And sent him back to Texas, so.

• 1:28:53Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:28:55Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:28:56Speaker 03

  I think he wound up back there.

• 1:28:57Speaker 02

  Back in Australia?

• 1:28:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I think he found like success there as a comic because he, he was, I think he only did, he did, he only did like mics in Austin for maybe like a year or something.

• 1:29:06Adam Friedland?

  He opened for Nanette?

• 1:29:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I guess.

• 1:29:09Speaker 02

  Nanette?

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:10Adam Friedland?

  Um, anyway, guys.

• 1:29:12Speaker 02

  Get your prostate checked.

• 1:29:15Adam Friedland?

  Get your prostate checked. Take care of yourself.

• 1:29:17Speaker 02

  And neuter your cats and dogs.

• 1:29:18Adam Friedland?

  Take care of each other.

• 1:29:19Speaker 03

  Fix your cat's litter box and find out how by checking out my new podcast, Small Repairs.

• 1:29:26Adam Friedland?

  It's an audio only podcast?

• 1:29:28Speaker 03

  And none of the, none of the items we're fixing this week. We're just gonna have to wait and see. Could be Garfield alarm clock, could be automated litter box.

• 1:29:38Adam Friedland?

  Um, Nick, we'll see you in two weeks back on the podcast.

• 1:29:42Speaker 03

  I don't think so.

• 1:29:43Adam Friedland?

  After? Alright. Thanks a lot, guys. Happy trail. Love you, pal.