#638 - Kevin James

Kevin James is an actor and comedian known for his roles in King of Queens, Grown Ups, Hitch and more. His new movie “Solo Mio” is out now. 
Kevin joins Theo to talk about cold cut superheroes, becoming friends with his favorite UFC fighters, and why it’s never too late to find love. Kevin James: https://www.instagram.com/kevinjamesofficial/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Pepsi: Go out and try Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Let your taste decide! https://www.pepsi.com/where-to-buy #PepsiPartner ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Producer: Halston https://www.instagram.com/halstonrays/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  Today's guest is a comedian and an actor. Uh, you'll know him from everywhere, from, uh, grownups, King of Queens, Chuck and Larry, Paul Blart. Um, his new movie is out that's right now in theaters. It's called Solo Mio. And, uh, it's, it's great if you want to go check it out. But right now, let's get to know Mr. Kevin James.

• 0:42Theo Von?

  That's my coffee cup right there. Con Dios todos es posible.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Possible, it is, yeah. What is the middle word?

• 0:49Theo Von?

  Todo es.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Todo es, todo es. Everything is. Everything is? That's cool.

• 0:56Theo Von?

  With God, everything is possible. What does yours say?

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Mine's pretty, uh, I just have no answers. That's a, that's where it comes down.

• 1:05Theo Von?

  Oh, yours is one of those Mad Lib mugs, huh?

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Each day is something different.

• 1:11Theo Von?

  That's not Italian, but that's, that's almost sounds a little bit Italian, like your movie.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  It does. It is very close. Uh, Deal.

• 1:19Theo Von?

  Deal? Like Rodney James Deal, like Lock Up the Wolves?

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, but much different.

• 1:25Theo Von?

  Lock Up the Wolf. Did you ever listen to that?

• 1:28Speaker 01

  I remember him. I mean, he was crazy, right?

• 1:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm sure he was yelling, lock up the wolves.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. You can't not be crazy and yell, lock up the wolves.

• 1:36Theo Von?

  God, that album. My brother used to beat me to his music. Um,

• 1:40Speaker 01

  That makes, it makes sense.

• 1:42Theo Von?

  You remember your first concert ever or no?

• 1:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was Kiss.

• 1:44Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  I saw Kiss in, uh, uh, it was like, right after, I think, uh,

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Maybe after Kiss Alive, it was like, it was after that or Destroy, one of them early, early albums, and I went with my buddy, and I remember my buddy uh, broke his arm, and he wasn't gonna be able to go, but we convinced him to go, he was in a cast, so I was there with my mother and his mother, and he was just rocking his cast the whole night to Kiss. It was fun.

• 2:14Theo Von?

  God, that's good.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  It was a good one.

• 2:16Theo Von?

  There was nothing like that time when you were going to a frickin concert.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:20Theo Von?

  When you were just a kid, and so like, you got, like, if the air hit you, and it was dope in it, it just hit ya.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Everything was weird.

• 2:28Theo Von?

  Everything was crazy.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Did you, what was your first concert?

• 2:31Theo Von?

  I went to, uh, oh, Marilyn Manson. And it was, yeah, they had a guy in our town, and he took us over there, me and the other young kid, dropped us off.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  You were there, just with his?

• 2:46Theo Von?

  With me, my buddy, this guy dropped us off. This religious guy or whatever.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  He dropped you off, religious?

• 2:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, he had a car.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Oh, religion.

• 2:55Theo Von?

  He had a car, I don't know. Last Baptist, I think. I have no idea what he was, you know?

• 3:02Speaker 01

  I don't wanna know, man, he's dropping you off at Marilyn Manson?

• 3:05Theo Von?

  Nothing decent, oh dude.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Did he take off fast? Like, was he like, go?

• 3:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, he drove in a convertible.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 3:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, he dropped us off, he said, he said he could get us tickets there, and we'd heard a couple of their songs, and we were into them, and we were underage when we got in, but it was like being in a concert when you were a kid, and everything was going on, if you were young, it was kind of wild, cuz you were kind of free in this place that was caged, there was music, you know, sometimes it was like pot in the, you know, it was just like a lot, you know, people were like strolling around.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Lot of new stimulus, right? Lot of weird stuff that you, you know, you're a little bit scared, right?

• 3:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're a little bit scared, but you're excited.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:40Theo Von?

  And then if you get, you know, somebody passes you something, or your buddy brought something, or whatever, then you getting lifted, and now dude, one time, we ate something, I don't know what we had, or some, you know, we caught a whiff of something, and we might have brought it with us, and lit it up, but whatever it was, it got into us.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Not me.

• 3:57Theo Von?

  And dude, I couldn't, like, I couldn't see anymore, right? And I was like, oh shit, but I still had to pee.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:05Theo Von?

  That's one thing I noticed, if you can't see, you still have to, if you-

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, one doesn't stop the other.

• 4:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Right. I don't know, I never got lifted, but if I couldn't see- And I had to pee. How did you do it? Did you have a, did you just kind of walk out with a friend?

• 4:19Theo Von?

  I remember the direction.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Where you were?

• 4:21Theo Von?

  I remember the direction of the back of the venue and I put my hands like this, right?

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 4:24Theo Von?

  And, uh, and I was going back and I remembered feeling like a badge and I was feeling like a cop.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  I'm sure he liked that.

• 4:32Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I'm so glad he didn't like, you know, he recognized it. I was, I wasn't doing well.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  He saw you in a bad way and he helped you.

• 4:41Theo Von?

  And I went into the bathroom. I thought I was a raccoon, whatever dude.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:44Theo Von?

  That was a long night. Anyway. Kevin James, good to see you, man.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Good to see you.

• 4:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice. Nice to be here. Thank you very much.

• 4:51Theo Von?

  Thanks for coming, man. I appreciate it. Did you guys go, we saw each other last night at your, uh, you showed me and Nate Bargatze and some other friends here in Nashville, your movie.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, we just went, we went out to dinner. Yeah, we just hung out, had a good night.

• 5:03Theo Von?

  Where'd y'all go?

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Oh gosh, what was the name of that place? It was like Ganon's, Ganon? Ganon's in Nashville.

• 5:09Theo Von?

  Is it on a lake?

• 5:11Speaker 01

  I don't think it was on a lake. I mean, we didn't think about to get there, right? We didn't, it was, it was, yeah, it was, uh.

• 5:17Theo Von?

  Sounds nice.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was cool. It was a cool place. Yeah, it was nice. They gave us a little room. And, uh, we just had fun. It was prime rib. It was everything, man. It was good.

• 5:27Theo Von?

  Did it have that white sauce with it?

• 5:28Speaker 01

  It did. It did.

• 5:30Theo Von?

  What is that?

• 5:31Speaker 01

  It's a, that's a, it's a, it's like a tartar.

• 5:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  But it's not. It's a, uh, it's got a W. What is it? Or a, uh, horseradish, horseradish, not a W. Where's the W coming from? Uh, but it's white. That's where it comes from. His W is white. And it's horseradish and they give you the chunks of horseradish, which is like, that's like the nucleus of it. That's the Bernie's. You never, what are you talking about?

• 5:52Theo Von?

  Now bring up, bring up a natural horseradish in its natural habitat or whatever.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then, and then they have a white, like horseradish sauce that kind of blends it. See, that's the, that's the, that's the stuff.

• 6:03Theo Von?

  Yeah. God, that's good.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it, and you spread that over your, uh, your prime rib.

• 6:09Theo Von?

  I love that. That thing, I just, I never know what it is, but they have it. And I love it.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 6:17Theo Von?

  That.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Oh, they're your horseradish?

• 6:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  I know. So you've had it?

• 6:19Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, but I just forgot. I just.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Oh, what it is?

• 6:22Theo Von?

  But I know you only see it.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Shrimp cocktail. No, you see it with shrimp cocktail, too.

• 6:25Theo Von?

  Oh, that's the same?

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Yes, it comes out the same way. They give you the chunks of the thing. Do you do shrimp cocktail?

• 6:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, I do shrimp cocktails all the time. The shrimps are hanging out, showing their legs or whatever off the edge of the thing. Yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you split them, you pop them, and you dip them in the thing.

• 6:40Theo Von?

  Dude, I had no idea that was the same thing.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  That's the, that's the, that's the wasabi version of whatever it is for this stuff.

• 6:47Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  It's like wasabi. It's like a spicy hit that you do that. It's, it's really to get you to forget the fact that you're eating fish.

• 6:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, I guess, because some of it doesn't taste great or whatever.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:58Theo Von?

  Horseradish is a perennial plant of the family Brassis. Brassicay.

• 7:06Theo Von?

  It's not a vegetable. It is, oh, it is a root vegetable cultivated and used worldwide as a spice. And as a condiment. Yeah, dude, I like that, man. I like it when I just really, but I only see it with prime rib, and I guess it always, to me, that always looked more like a milky or sauce.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:21Theo Von?

  Something different.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Well, there's both. There's, there's that, that's the, the, the, there's like little chunks. When you see that, and then they give you like, it's like a main, like a Cool Whip. Like a mayonnaise style that blends with that. You put them both together.

• 7:33Theo Von?

  Oh, I haven't done that.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  And it gives you, yeah, it's a good, it's a good cover.

• 7:36Theo Von?

  I'm missing, maybe I'm, I'm not looking around when I see that.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:39Theo Von?

  But I love that. You get to talk to the person, they cut it.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Yes, it's a lot of fun.

• 7:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  You know?

• 7:45Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  It's, it's a lot of fun. It was, uh, it was a good night, man. We had fun. We missed you and, and thanks for coming.

• 7:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, it was great to come over there and see the film and just see the, had you seen it a bunch already?

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've seen it a few times, yeah. I mean, I.

• 8:00Theo Von?

  Did you help edit it?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh, yeah, I did everything, you know, helping them all on every step of the way. We've been, you know, babying this thing for, for a while now, so it's, it's, it's, I'll keep seeing it. I'm gonna see it again, and you know, you know, it's, it's basically just your baby, you know? You, you work it and you, you just kind of try to bring it to everybody and you want it to be right and. I don't wanna, you know, I want everybody like you, I want people to see it to, to, you know, to see what they think, what they can change.

• 8:28Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  But now we're here.

• 8:30Theo Von?

  We felt the magic of it yesterday, man. It felt good. It was a love. It's a, I don't wanna give anything away. I mean, it's a love story.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:38Theo Von?

  It's got some sweet moments, uh, that were surprises, I thought.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Good.

• 8:43Theo Von?

  You know, it definitely made me think like, dang, I gotta get, uh, you gotta get into love, man. That's what it makes you feel hopeful that, that, that people are getting into love out there.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:54Theo Von?

  In Italy, and in Italy.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Yes, that it's, I honestly, that it's never too late, that it's like, it really, I mean, I really, I found my wife late, later in life, too. Uh, and it was, it, it, it's one of those things where it's like, it's, it's possible for all, you know, like, people, they, when they get older, they, they start gripping the bat too tight, getting worried that I'm not with anybody. And so they don't know whether to make that decision, jump or what it, I'm just gonna be alone. And I think when you loosen up and kinda relax and just give yourself up to, you know, give it a, a shot, you, you, you do better and, you know.

• 9:24Theo Von?

  Did you feel that ever?

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I was definitely, you know.

• 9:27Theo Von?

  I feel that sometimes.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  I got married at, uh, like thirty nine, uh, thirty nine, I think, yeah. And I had my first kid at forty, but, uh.

• 9:35Theo Von?

  Do you still have your wife?

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:37Theo Von?

  I met her last night.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was there.

• 9:38Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, good.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  I kept her.

• 9:41Theo Von?

  I hope that was her, otherwise she wouldn't be happy hearing about it.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, that's her. And she, yeah.

• 9:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, it looked like, I mean.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Twenty one and change now, twenty one years.

• 9:49Theo Von?

  Uh-oh.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it's great. Four kids, it's fun.

• 9:53Theo Von?

  And is your wife from another country or parents might be?

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Well, uh, she's Filipino and a little bit Alaskan Indian.

• 9:59Theo Von?

  Dude, I love Filipinos.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. You do?

• 10:02Theo Von?

  Dude, are you kidding me? How could you not?

• 10:04Speaker 01

  I, right?

• 10:05Theo Von?

  Dude, they're the smiling people.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Yes, very happy people.

• 10:08Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Very fun people, and they make lumpia.

• 10:11Theo Von?

  They, and they make what?

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Lumpia.

• 10:13Theo Von?

  Oh, I've never even heard of it.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Can you look up lumpia?

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Lumpia is is just

• 10:17Theo Von?

  What is it like a dip or something?

• 10:18Speaker 01

  It's like an egg roll from heaven. And you put it in the dip. And it's nothing like the the horseradish one. It's a beautiful sweetie. Spicy. It can be a little spicy if you want, but it's it's a fun one. It's a good. It's a good. It it wowed me, like, you know, I'm

• 10:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, I would mule one of those in my ass, I think, but those things look good, brother. I'll tell you that, you know what I'm saying? But you brought one of those into prison, you could sell it for a lot.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I don't know what was going in. It a lot went out my ass, but uh. Yeah.

• 10:47Theo Von?

  Oh, dude.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 10:49Theo Von?

  God, no, those look that good.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're good. They're very good.

• 10:52Theo Von?

  There's not a lot of food you'd put in your, you know what I'm saying? Because that's

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:55Theo Von?

  Total reverse route. That's like when you see somebody's driving up the interstate the wrong way, you're like, what are they doing here?

• 11:01Speaker 01

  How'd you get on this road?

• 11:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's real good.

• 11:04Theo Von?

  God, that's nice. Yeah, see, I think if somebody tricked me enough. With a, you know, with some sort of fancy little oriental baklava like that.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Are you really? Oh, really? Yeah.

• 11:16Theo Von?

  They could get me to love them more.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 11:19Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying? If

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:20Theo Von?

  If somebody had a recipe of something that you just loved.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:24Theo Von?

  I would give in more. But yeah, Filipinos, dude, ah, I wish we were all Filipino.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. Sure.

• 11:32Theo Von?

  Because I think it would be great.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  It would be great.

• 11:34Theo Von?

  Name sixty bad Filipinos.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  I can't name one. I don't know any.

• 11:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Well, I really don't. I don't know what. I can't name one.

• 11:42Theo Von?

  So do you? Are your kids a little bit Filipino too?

• 11:44Speaker 01

  They have to be, I hope, because uh.

• 11:46Theo Von?

  That's so good.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're fun.

• 11:49Theo Von?

  Oh, I can't even imagine.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  You should see them. You like them.

• 11:51Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, I'd love to see them sometime, but

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:54Theo Von?

  The eight, yeah, I would love to have an like a semi Asian or off Asian. I don't know exactly what the terms of Filipino, but I would love to have a child like that.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  It's a it's a cute mix. It's a fun, you know?

• 12:04Theo Von?

  And they're so good. They seem like such good.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Good people.

• 12:07Theo Von?

  Yeah. That's beautiful, dude. I know that you grew up over in New York, um. Oh dude, I forgot to even tell you this. I saw the movie, when I first saw your movie, Salamio, it's called.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:19Theo Von?

  I thought it was Salamio. I thought it was a-

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Oh, that would be an old, yes.

• 12:23Theo Von?

  Like a Marvel character you were doing.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  By the way, I could do that one next.

• 12:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  That is not, Salamio is a-

• 12:27Theo Von?

  That's what I thought. I was like, dude, what is he doing?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  What am I not doing? Salamio? How did you guys not think of Salamio?

• 12:34Theo Von?

  I just thought it was like, oh, this is his like superhero type of guy, you know?

• 12:38Speaker 01

  But did you think it was like just one word and it was an Italian word? Or did you think it was the meat?

• 12:42Theo Von?

  Oh, I thought, I thought it was like the ki- like the, like the, the master, like the-

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Like, like, like Salamio?

• 12:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, like Salamio shows up and rescues like the, um, like, uh, the Italian parade or something. Something happened at the Italian parade.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  But is the Italian meat involved? Or you, is you, uh?

• 13:01Theo Von?

  No, that's just his name.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Okay. Does he have a cape?

• 13:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, he may have a cape. Yes. He has a cape, like maybe a fine prosci- prosciutto or whatever? Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Salamio is insane.

• 13:12Theo Von?

  Yeah. So anyway, I thought that, I had my glasses on when I saw it. So I was like, Salamio, that's crazy. I was like, but it's awesome. And it was like, I could see it being super exciting.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  You know, I'm regretting every choice we made now that we did not go with Salamio. It really is hitting me. Salamio is, I don't know.

• 13:27Theo Von?

  From the land of Mortadella.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Yes. Yes.

• 13:31Theo Von?

  Your backstory could have been sick, but when I got there and I saw the, uh, the image and it was like, oh, Salomio.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:39Theo Von?

  And it was good.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:40Theo Von?

  It was cool, man. Yeah. And it just made me, uh, it did make me think about love and made me think about that kind of stuff and like, yeah, just the choices that we make. Um, I think I've watched a couple of movies recently that kind of like got me in like certain-

• 13:51Speaker 01

  So you're, so you're single now?

• 13:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Okay. And you're, are you looking or you, or you're just like, I'm-

• 13:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm looking. You know, I gotta get married at some point.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:59Theo Von?

  You know?

• 13:59Speaker 01

  You want kids?

• 14:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think I want to have some children.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 14:02Theo Von?

  Yeah. Did you always want to have them, you think?

• 14:04Speaker 01

  I did.

• 14:04Theo Von?

  You did?

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. I did. I always wanted kids. Um, and I'm, I'm, and again, I was getting worried. I was, you know, thirty nine. It was later for me and then for, but it's, you have so much time. You could have, you know, it's, you're great. You can go as long as you can and then you adopt or do whatever. It's, it's amazing.

• 14:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, some of the adopt, there's a lot of returns over there. You know what I'm saying? I'm not, uh, no judgment. And some of those are Russian, but, uh, people know it. It's on a chart. But, um, yeah, dude, I do think, uh, I know I would like to, you know? I think it's just make it so I can get into that place.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Wary. Go ahead.

• 14:40Theo Von?

  Of, of, of myself and knowing, okay, I can do this, you know, and I have to, I have to really, like, fine tune my behaviors and what I, what I need to be doing and how I kind of, put myself and take care of myself and everything. It's like, cause this is gonna be a thing, you know?

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Right. You wanna stay in it, right? So you wanna, are you putting yourself out there though to, to, to, in the right places to see these people, to meet these people? Cause now you're, I mean, it's, it's,

• 15:09Theo Von?

  Some.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Because you're so famous now. It's like, it's a different takeout. You gotta be careful, right? So.

• 15:14Theo Von?

  I guess. I mean, I still probably date the same types of gals as when I wasn't popular, you know? I think so that, I don't know if that changes, but I wouldn't date somebody. I think I would know if somebody was like, you know?

• 15:24Speaker 01

  Right. I hope so. You, you definitely would.

• 15:26Theo Von?

  After me for my podcast outtakes or whatever, you know?

• 15:31Theo Von?

  But yeah, I thought it was a great movie. It was really sweet. It had some good surprises. So, yeah, I'm glad that I, I left feeling glad that I went out, saw it.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 15:38Theo Von?

  And it made me think about some things. That's when I noticed something's nice for me is if I leave and it makes me like, you know, kind of think about myself in certain, certain situations or something.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and hopefully uplift, uplift, uplifting. If, you know what I'm saying? If, if it feels, uh, you know, that, uh, you can, that there's possibility out there, you know?

• 15:59Theo Von?

  Oh dude, and the singing, the part where you guys were singing dude? I thought it was gonna turn into one of those like at the Cristiano.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:07Theo Von?

  Um, I thought at the Cristiano is gonna be like, there was gonna be one of those four, four K theaters or whatever, like the, four D or whatever.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:14Theo Von?

  And it was just gonna like a huge thing like pasta sauce is gonna fucking hit us all in the back of the head. That's what I thought, dude. If that would happen, bro.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Dude, that and Salamia? What's his name?

• 16:25Theo Von?

  Sal, Salamio.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Salamio. Salamio. Okay. So it's Salamio.

• 16:30Theo Von?

  That's what I thought.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Oh dude.

• 16:31Theo Von?

  That's a guy.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  How do we not do salamio?

• 16:35Theo Von?

  Bro, I'll tell you this.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  I want the leg muscles.

• 16:39Theo Von?

  Oh, you got those.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  No, I don't, man. I'm losing them. When you get older, you start losing the leg muscles. Abs, I got, obviously, you know, I have the abs.

• 16:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  And the biceps and all that stuff, but the leg muscles.

• 16:49Theo Von?

  That's a lot of leg.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  It is. Spotty fat. He's got a lot of clogged arteries. I like it, though, man. I'm in with this guy.

• 16:58Theo Von?

  I think he's just, he's just, his only thing he does is just go to the doctor to get his levels checked.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Just paddles of blood.

• 17:08Theo Von?

  Dude, those aren't even muscles. That's just a chunk of gout.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Yes, that's all gout and cholesterol.

• 17:14Theo Von?

  Um, but no, dude, it was cool. So thank you so much for inviting me, man. It was, it's enjoyable. It's a nice, if you could take your lady, I, you know, you could take your lady, go with your family, go with almost anybody, really.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 17:23Theo Von?

  It was sweet.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  Good.

• 17:25Theo Von?

  It was sweet and good, man. Um, did, um, you grew up in Mineola?

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Oh, no, I was born in Mineola. I grew up out, yeah, I, I bounced around Long Island for a little bit in New Hyde Park. And then, but you know, you don't know this stuff.

• 17:37Theo Von?

  We just had a fireman on, this is how I know this, we just had a fireman on.

• 17:42Theo Von?

  And he mentioned that you were from that area. Cause I said, well, Kevin James might be coming on. He's like, oh, he's from New Hyde Park.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:47Theo Von?

  And, uh, we had this guy, Tony Von Figlio, he was, there he is right there. He was a firefighter during nine 11. He did 22 years on ladder 34.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 17:56Theo Von?

  Which was Washington Heights. And he just had the best stories about growing up in New Hyde Park. And where he went to like interview to be the fireman. And him and his buddies just screwing around in the area and just going to like different music clubs and listening to cover bands and stuff like that.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  What a, it sounds like a great dude.

• 18:12Theo Von?

  It was great.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's a lot of good people from there, really. Yeah, it's, it's really cool experience.

• 18:17Theo Von?

  It feels like that.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  It is. It was, it was fun growing up, man, which for me. Like helped in, in, in stand up and helping everything like just had a good fun childhood. It was really, really cool, funny people.

• 18:30Theo Von?

  Were you, was your brother funny or something? You got a sister?

• 18:32Speaker 01

  My brother was funny, uh, first. He, he, he, yeah, we're all funny. Like we always, it's all the dinner table stuff and you know, put on little shows when the relatives come over. That type of stuff. And then, uh, eventually I was playing football in college and, uh, I realized the dream. When you're, when you're not starting in division three.

• 18:51Theo Von?

  Were you at Oniana?

• 18:52Speaker 01

  No, I was at Courtland and I never finished. I was, I was drinking a lot. Yeah. Like we were partying up there. It was crazy.

• 18:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, I've been up there. It's by, uh, but that's up there.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Playing Syracuse and all that stuff and.

• 19:02Theo Von?

  Courtland, it's what? It's like, it's in Ithaca, isn't it?

• 19:04Speaker 01

  No, it's, it's near Ithaca.

• 19:06Theo Von?

  Oh, bet.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, there I am. That was me playing football in, uh, yeah. Um, I think that that's high school, but yes, that was, uh, when I played in them. Once I realized that there was guys so much better than me. I go, this is, I'm not gonna do this anymore. What do I do?

• 19:21Theo Von?

  Did you have a nickname on the team or not?

• 19:22Speaker 01

  I think it was, uh, the hydrant.

• 19:26Theo Von?

  Cause you were.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  I don't think it was because of what you think. I think it was just a different reason. I don't, I'm not sure of the reason.

• 19:31Theo Von?

  The hydrant, huh?

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cause I was low. I was low to the ground and I wet myself a lot.

• 19:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  So, I mean, it was just, it was just a weird thing. But, uh, no, I mean, once I realized that wasn't going on anyway, I never finished Courtland too. I got out of college.

• 19:48Theo Von?

  Did they give you honorary thing like that in the mail or something?

• 19:50Speaker 01

  They would give it to me now, but I don't wanna go back now. I don't wanna.

• 19:53Theo Von?

  Oh, get your degree, man.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Really? Should I go back?

• 19:56Theo Von?

  I, I mean, I wouldn't say, I, I, I'm not gonna tell you not to get your education.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe I should, right? No, I shouldn't. For what? What am I gonna use it for?

• 20:04Theo Von?

  I don't know. I got urban planning. That's mine.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  You, did you go to, did you finish college?

• 20:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, I finished college with me almost 11 years.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Where'd you go?

• 20:10Theo Von?

  Hmm, I went online.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  11 years for college?

• 20:12Theo Von?

  I went offline also.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Oh, you did?

• 20:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, I went to a lot of schools. I went to Arizona. Where else did I go? I went to Santa Monica College. I went to University of New Orleans.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  Why did you not finish at one?

• 20:23Theo Von?

  LSU, College Charleston. Uh, I don't know why. I just, oh, I started doing comedy. So, and I would hit the run. I'd be like, and then I'd have to pick back up and do a semester and like, it was just piecemeal.

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Did you get into like through improv or just right into stand up or like?

• 20:36Theo Von?

  Just got into stand up. I was just like, you know, I think I, the first, Mark Gross, I think was the first comedian maybe I ever saw. Bring him up. Bring up a picture.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  What year did you start?

• 20:47Theo Von?

  I started in 2005.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my goodness.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  That is so crazy.

• 20:54Theo Von?

  I saw this guy perform and I was and I'd seen like Chris Rock's my favorite comedian growing up. I'd seen like, you know, I'd seen comedy, but I'd never seen it live.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:05Theo Von?

  And we went to college where it was like at LSU, they'd call you and be like, you got thirty free tickets tonight.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 21:12Theo Von?

  What? Cause there's paper in the room, but you'd be so excited.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just to get a gift then. Yeah. So you go.

• 21:17Theo Von?

  And I went and I saw him and I was like.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  And it changed you.

• 21:20Theo Von?

  Yes. I was like, oh, this can really be like a thing.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  That you you wanted to do right away or you thought.

• 21:27Theo Von?

  I don't think I knew I wanted to do it, but I just I liked being funny. And then I was like, oh, this can like there's a this is a real path. I just never connected the dots. I need like dot to dot to dot. I need dots between the dots to connect them, you know? And um, and yeah, so that that made me like start to, I think, have the bug and then I got to LA and then and then I started just going up, you know?

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Dude, I was in Vegas when I saw you and heard about you. You know how I heard about you or saw you? Your face was the whole side of the hotel.

• 22:01Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Do you remember? Did you see that? That was badass. I was like, who's this? I was like, my goodness.

• 22:07Theo Von?

  I know.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  I checked you out, dude. And that was awesome. That's really cool, man. That was cool.

• 22:11Theo Von?

  Crazy.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 22:12Theo Von?

  Just to think that you saw that.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Stone. Yeah. I was like, whoa, I don't get that. I never got. That was big, man. No, no, no, no. I'm serious. That was cool.

• 22:21Theo Von?

  Oh, that's yeah. I think yeah, some of that stuff is pretty cool. It's like impossible to live up to that kind of hype.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  That is, but it's still, man, that's cool, you know?

• 22:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, stuff like that's kind of interesting sometimes, I guess.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, there it is. See, it is. Look at that, man. That's exactly what I saw. And I was like, whoa, this guy looks like Salomeo. Hey, look at that look, right? That's a hero, heroic look.

• 22:43Theo Von?

  For the shooter from that shooting they had a few years ago.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  That's right. That was rough.

• 22:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was a surprise. Um, anyway, I fucking really ruined that compliment you were giving me, but thank you, dude.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  It's true. It's true. I remember seeing that, being there Vegas. I was like, whoa. You know, it's it's it's an instant uh bit of like, who's this guy? Like a little bit of fear. You know, there's always I'm always like, oh, my gosh, this new guy. You know, I'm I'm trying to fill this room. I hope I do well tonight. And this guy's got the side of a building. I'm like, good for him.

• 23:10Theo Von?

  Cause we needed that much advertisement too.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  True.

• 23:15Theo Von?

  We started small. We started on thimbles.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  We're just handing them out on guitar picks.

• 23:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's a great idea. This episode is brought to you by Pepsi and we've actually got their Super Bowl commercial that premiered last night. Let's take a look at it right here.

• 23:37Theo Von?

  Oh, blind taste test. My whole life's a blind taste test.

• 23:43Theo Von?

  This bear's in therapy or barry-phy, I think they call it. I don't even know. Whatever this is about, I'm in. Cheap furniture. Tell me about your mother. Oh, yeah. Mother longing. Is this me?

• 23:59Theo Von?

  Staring at women through windows. Yep.

• 24:07Theo Von?

  Oh, that's sweet. That's nice. Let's go, bear. With your lady at a concert. Oh, that's a pretty cold play right there.

• 24:19Theo Von?

  Me and this bear are really similar. Drinking games, therapy, cheap furniture, and longing for a woman through a pane of glass. Peeping tomming, we call it. But I guess in the animal kingdom, it's more of like a acceptable pastime. All right, moving on. But actually kind of staying right here. Some of my friends bug me that I choose Pepsi over Coke. But there's actually been blind taste tests that prove that Pepsi zero sugar tastes better than Coca-Cola zero sugar. There's even a name for it. It's called the Pepsi paradox. It's the idea that once bias and labels disappear, cola drinkers prefer the taste of Pepsi zero sugar. Yep. Pepsi first showed this 50 years ago with their iconic Pepsi challenge.

• 25:04Theo Von?

  When they had people try Coke and Pepsi without the labels and the results were clear. When you take labels out of the equation and you just focus on taste, people choose Pepsi. I mean, that's what the Super Bowl commercial was showing. There's a blindfolded cola-loving polar bear and he chooses Pepsi zero sugar. Dude, my frickin' blind cousin chooses Pepsi. He just emailed me. How can he email? Maybe he could Pepsi for a second.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Hey, quiet down.

• 25:38Theo Von?

  Bad joke. It's the question that Pepsi's putting out there. Is your cola choice actually about taste? Because they redid the Pepsi challenge in 2025? And guess what? 66% of people chose Pepsi Zero Sugar over Coca-Cola Zero Sugar. And it just makes you think. If nobody told you what you were supposed to like, what would you actually choose? The public has spoken. And Pepsi Zero Sugar tastes better than Coca-Cola Zero Sugar. If you're curious, go try Pepsi Zero Sugar. Let your taste decide. When your comedy first started, was it just something you wanted to do? Did you know it kind of?

• 26:21Theo Von?

  I know it's such an old question, but you and I don't really know each other.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  I didn't know what I wanted to do. I knew when I got out of college, I left college. I didn't, I didn't finish. I went home for the summer and my brother started doing improv. And I was like, I was bouncing at the time and I didn't know what I wanted to do. Uh, but I didn't want to do this. I would, I just wanted to try something and I, I always follow him into other things. So he'd be like, ah, you're coming into, you know, whatever it is, you know? So I, I, I ended up doing a small community theater play. And I said this, you know, then I started doing an improv group with him. Uh, and they're buddies and, uh, I fell in love with them and then it just progressed into stand up. And I did my first stand up, first night was in 1989. July 26th, 1989. That's how long I've been doing it. And, uh, no, I loved it.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  I mean, and, uh, I, I crushed the first night I ever did it, which I'm thankful for. Because the second night I ate it so bad with the same material and I didn't know, you know? And if I would have ate it first, I think I never would have done it again. But, uh, so I'm thankful that I did okay. And then, uh, no, I love it, man. I love it. And then, you know, just.

• 27:29Theo Von?

  Was your brother weird about it that you came in and liked his thing?

• 27:32Speaker 01

  No, you know what? I, I gotta say, he was really cool about it. He actually, he, he would tell me, you, you want to do this? Okay. If you want to do this, come and do it. And I would start to do it and we, you know, back then we would buy these calendars. Completely empty and you I was working at Granger and it was like my last day job. I was like, I wanted to get.

• 27:49Theo Von?

  Ranger the uh, equipment?

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Yes, that's what I did. I was in the back. It was hot as can be and I had to fill orders. And I hated everything about it because it was miserable. I was just trying to work my way up to the air conditioning.

• 27:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's hella mice in there too.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  There's everything in there. You know, so I'm just driving.

• 28:02Theo Von?

  Hella mice.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  A forklift and I'm I'm working hard and I'm trying to get uh, fill my calendar with these stand up dates. And it would just be like once a week or whatever it is. And then my brother called me one night and he goes, uh, what are you doing tonight? And I go, I'm staying home. He's like, what? Cause you have to sign up for your open night, open mic night.

• 28:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, you gotta sign up sometimes in advance or that sort of thing. You gotta get there early.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  I go, he's like, why aren't you out at the club tonight? And I go, I didn't, I didn't get a spot. He's like, that doesn't matter. So, so what? Why aren't you going out there making something happen? Go look and you know, you made, somebody falls out or you meet somebody or talk to somebody. And I like, alright. And I, and I went that night and I met somebody and I became like my first agent. And so he was right, man. He helped me. You know, a lot in, in that. And he was cool with, with, with helping me out.

• 28:45Theo Von?

  And he was the funny one, you said?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  He, we, we, yes, he was. I mean, we're all funny. The whole family was funny. He was the first one to start it, like to get going that, that direction.

• 28:54Theo Von?

  Cause it's, it's interesting how, how like that happens. And I was like, yeah, like my brother was a funny guy. And so I think that's why I like, you know. Why, I think of why I wanted to be funny. Yeah, I think you're just trying to like.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Did your brother do stand up?

• 29:06Theo Von?

  No, he was just like, probably just desperate for attention like me, but he was also a, you know, he, he was a funny guy.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Right. There are a lot of funny guys in school that were like.

• 29:14Theo Von?

  He didn't get a stand up. Oh dude.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Right, that would be, I'm like.

• 29:16Theo Von?

  The best. That would be the best. I was so glad you didn't do it. Oh dude, my friend Scott was like the funniest kid to me. And I'm like, I am. Some of the people are like, Theo, you're funny. I'm like, dude, I, there's so many people who just never really just went and did it.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, because yeah, I mean, honestly, being funny with your co- and, and making that leap to doing it in front of people and developing. It is a different thing though. It's like you've got to create it and kind of get used to, it's a different animal, right? When you're.

• 29:42Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Cause I know my, my buddies are so funny. I got a buddy who's so funny, but when he doesn't, I go, do that impression in front of someone else? He can't do it. He folds like a, a house, man. He just, he's just, it's rough. It's rough. And I look bad.

• 29:57Theo Von?

  Oh dude, the worst is when, oh, sometimes you do look bad because of other people. I remember this. I dated this girl. She didn't know how to stand out of the way of where people were walking.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  See, that would drive me, that would, that would drive me nuts.

• 30:10Theo Von?

  Bro, I would have to go hide in the fucking bathroom.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  No, that's, that's brutal. That's.

• 30:15Theo Von?

  We'd be talking, she would like take a step back. I'm like, this is where all the people are walking. And it was like, and people bump into her and then guys would like, you know, and then it just like, oh.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  I dated a girl who would take five seconds before she would realize that a waiter is there asking her for, like some, and every time. And I'd have to go, you, it's right, you, you, he, he's, he's looking at me and she'd just be like this in a daze every time, five seconds. And then she'd come out of it. And I'm like, I can't go on. I can't go on. I couldn't be married to that. So I was like, there's no use of me being here.

• 30:45Theo Von?

  It's the little things. Dude, I dated a girl that I was in love with and then we kind of like canoodling or snuggling or whatever they used to call it. I think they don't call, I don't know why they don't call it that, but um, we're canoodling, I guess now it's called. And then, but her head was really small. She had big hair and her head was so small.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:04Theo Von?

  And I was like, I, I.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Did you like that though? Or did you just was like, it was like a, it was a, a point where you go, I wanna help her and be with her? Or, you know, or is it like that small? Or like, like, like a, like, like how small though?

• 31:18Theo Von?

  Like.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Like a ballpoint pen? Or are we talking like?

• 31:20Theo Von?

  You know, with that day when you, you, you only knew about baseball and then one day you're at P E and they show you softball?

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Yes, okay.

• 31:26Theo Von?

  And you get that ball and you're like, what the, what is this? You know, and you're like, oh, this is like a baseball with like intestinal issues or whatever.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Right. It's, it's, it's, yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a baseball with inflammation and.

• 31:39Theo Von?

  Yes, yes. It's a baseball that has, yeah, that has not had proper dieting.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  I, I, my heart melts for people, the physical thing's more, but I dated a girl once who would just say the phrase, rattle your cage. Every time. She's like, hey, and I'm like, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm just calling to rattle your cage. And I'm like, I can't go on.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  That's a buddy of mine's joke. He's.

• 32:05Theo Von?

  Oh, it is? Oh.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  It happened to a buddy of mine, but it, that's, that is a thing that I would, I would literally get out of.

• 32:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'd be out.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Wouldn't that be something like, she goes, hey, just calling to rattle your cage?

• 32:14Theo Von?

  I would fucking rattle my phone against the wall. I would rattle my frickin' head out of, off a balcony. Dude, yes, I would, I'll also, I dated a girl. We would be sleeping. She'd get up in the middle of the night, put a bunch of M and M's and chocolate in her mouth and come right back in her fucking bed.

• 32:34Theo Von?

  She said like sometimes I can't fall back asleep unless there's chocolate in my mouth. And I was like, that's crazy.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a lot of problems with that.

• 32:41Theo Von?

  But it was, that was crazy dude. I'd had a girl who made me roll her up in a blanket so she could go to bed at night.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Burrito style?

• 32:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, or like the lumpia, yeah.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  No way, like the lumpia?

• 32:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, I had a girl just, I didn't even realize that till just now.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Did you have to unroll her in the morning or you just left him? No, you just leave her?

• 32:58Theo Von?

  Look dude, I didn't even know her that well.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  You can't get out.

• 33:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Well, she's

• 33:02Theo Von?

  You get out of your own

• 33:03Speaker 01

  She doesn't have claustrophobic issues though, you know that. So if you're ever stuck in an elevator with her, that she's, you're the one, she's the one you want to be with.

• 33:09Theo Von?

  She's dynamite. Yeah, you're right. I need to look at the other side of the coin.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:12Theo Von?

  But definitely

• 33:13Speaker 01

  There's always a bright side.

• 33:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, I sometimes get stuck on the other side. And I'm like, I know it's brighter over there, but

• 33:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:19Theo Von?

  Let me mill around over here.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:21Theo Von?

  In the shadows, you know?

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Well, look at both. I mean, little head, you know, burrito girl. All these things can be, there is a positive side to it, right?

• 33:30Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, I mean, her, I just, yeah, that was a lot for me. But then also I'm like, ugh, I don't know. But there's a lot of things that I think have probably kept me kind of single over the years, you know?

• 33:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:40Theo Von?

  Did you ever, did you ever try one of those matchmaking services or no? Cause I get approached by those all the time now.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  I was before them, I think. Yeah, I don't, maybe they existed, but uh, I mean, I was before the, I think the internet and all that crap. You know, I got married in 2000, what is it? Three or four, is it, what was going on? Uh, 2004 I got married.

• 33:58Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Was that, what was, what was around then? I don't even know if anything was around, but I never used it, used them anyway.

• 34:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, how would you meet people just loitering or whatever?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, you know, we, we tried, uh, I mean, I met my wife on a blind date. I went, someone set me up because uh, Leah Remini, who was on my show with me, the King of Queens.

• 34:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  She saw that I had nobody and she set me up with uh,

• 34:22Theo Von?

  No, so it was one of her good friends?

• 34:23Speaker 01

  No, it wasn't hers. She, she set me up, she, she didn't set me up with a girl. She did over the year, she tried to. Uh, but she set me up with a, a house decorator because she came to my, Uh, when we had the King of Queens, I got my first place in, and she saw how it was decorated and it was terrible. I had like prong lamps and poster, like I was living with my brother. And it was like, she's like, you can't do this. You can't decorate a house.

• 34:47Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  So she got a decorator for me, which I never knew about or anything like that, it wasn't me. And this decorator came into my life. She was a horrible decorator, but She set me up, she really was, she wasn't great either, I didn't like it. But she, she saw that I was lonely and like I had nobody and she, she set me up with somebody she knew and then it was like, uh, it was amazing.

• 35:06Theo Von?

  Did it change like that for you when you kind of realized like this is something? Cause it's funny how you people go from a moment, I have a friend, she's a comedian. She was like, I don't know what's gonna happen, you know, I'mma sell my eggs or I'mma bury them over here, whatever, you know? And, uh, and then out of the blue, one day I called her, she's like, yep, I'm moving to Florida, we're getting married and it's just like.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  It can turn on a dime.

• 35:26Theo Von?

  That's the thing.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  It can.

• 35:28Theo Von?

  That's the thing you gotta remember.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  And by the way, I think it, uh, most of the time it does when, when you're not trying, right? I mean, the thing where you're not looking.

• 35:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's what they say.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Right? I don't know. I think for me it did. I was just kind of, and she was like, try, and I was like, oh, I'll give it a shot. N- never thinking anything would come of it. And then I never left her. That was it.

• 35:44Theo Von?

  Did you, were, were you kind of a romantic guy? Are you kind of like that guy or?

• 35:47Speaker 01

  No, I don't think so. I, I had to fake, uh, like she, she wanted to go out and, uh, we went to a sushi restaurant the first night and I didn't, I never ate sushi. So I, she's like, do you eat sushi? I go, yeah. I lied right out of gate.

• 36:00Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Just for, because, you know.

• 36:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  I wanted to make things smooth and we got there and it was, it was just a rough, it was.

• 36:08Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Everything you don't want to eat at a sushi restaurant made an appearance, you know, it was, it was rough. And I had to fake it and get through it, but I was drinking a lot of beer.

• 36:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  To get through it and kind of taking, I was taking it like a pill, you know, like I would take the sushi like a pill.

• 36:22Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  And, uh, yeah, and I got through that night.

• 36:27Theo Von?

  You're holding your nose.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  I was lying about everything. She's like, do you jog in the morning? I go, I jog every morning. I never jogged. We started jogging. I was like, what the? I gotta keep it up. And finally, we were close enough where I go, I gotta, I gotta tell you some things here. I don't do a lot of the stuff we've been doing, you know? I sit a lot more than we have been sitting. And, uh, that was, that was it. I was like, and she, you know? I was in enough of the relationship though there where she was like good with it. You know what I'm saying? Like we knew each other. So she's like, okay. And then the, the act of things kind of fell off and it was fun.

• 37:00Theo Von?

  That's cool, man.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. You gotta, yeah, I mean, how hard are you looking right now?

• 37:05Theo Von?

  Uh, right now, I'm actually trying to-

• 37:06Speaker 01

  We don't need to get back into it again. I know you don't wanna-

• 37:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, no, I'm actually just trying to take a step back right now and I'm just gonna like spend a little bit of time with myself and see what's kinda going on.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  You working out? You taking care of yourself?

• 37:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm doing pretty good, man. I'm fasting today, actually.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  You fast? I fasted yesterday.

• 37:19Theo Von?

  Did you?

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:20Theo Von?

  Let's go.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Let's go, baby.

• 37:22Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, I fasted today. I fasted, let me see. I did like three days last week. I just got into it this year and so it's been interesting. I feel super dehydrated today.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:31Theo Von?

  But it's like some days that happens.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  That's the biggest thing. You gotta replace the water. And, and by the way, if you do fast, the next day you don't go to Nashville. It's just Nashville. I just went to the deli here and crushed it. It was great. Well, that's the thing. Like, I, I bounce back and forth. I can do a day fasting and then the next day you should just kinda be, be good on your body. Cause it's like, it, it, it, it, it digests it, like it's feeling good and then you can't put crap back in. So, I gotta stop doing that. I, it's obviously the battle for me, the food, but that's awesome that you're fasting.

• 38:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, I like it.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Do, what do you fast for? Cause you don't need to lose weight. So you're fasting for-

• 38:04Theo Von?

  Just for health reasons. Just cause they say like autophagy your body gets into and then it helps fight like cancer cells and things like that. Like your body starts taking care of itself. And because my brain gets clear. I have noticed. It's funny. I just noticed this the other day. I think I'm having dreams that seem more relevant to like direction in my life. And like some sort of like information, not all the time, but a little bit more than just like dreaming that I'm like attacking somebody with a, you know, like a, you know, fighting a neighbor.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 38:37Theo Von?

  Regular shit or waiting in line or whatever.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 38:40Theo Von?

  But-

• 38:40Speaker 01

  You have dreams of waiting in line?

• 38:42Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, dude. Lou Ferrigno's in a lot of them.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  You and Lou Ferrigno are waiting in a line?

• 38:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, at the post office and his wife's mad at him.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  No, at him or you?

• 38:52Theo Von?

  At him.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Are you in front of him or behind him?

• 38:54Theo Von?

  Huh? I'm behind him.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Yes?

• 38:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, and I know it's him.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  So you see it going on?

• 38:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  You see the whole relationship? And then is the lady behind the counter going like, next? Or you never get there? You never get there.

• 39:05Theo Von?

  We never get there.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Dude, that is the greatest dream of all time.

• 39:08Theo Von?

  It took, dude, I've had, I probably had it 300 times where I finally was able, you ever had a dream so many times, you're just on the edge and when you wake up, you're like, what?

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:14Theo Von?

  I've had it so many times. What is it? You know? And you're like, it's horse radish.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 39:21Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, that that's one of a big one for me.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 39:25Theo Von?

  But recently I've been getting, I've just been getting a little more information. Anyway, I just think it's, I feel clear in a lot of ways. It's helping me feel a little bit more inspired, I think, to take care of myself. Because I think it starts to show me that I'm willing to make some sacrifices, even in little ways.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  That's what it is.

• 39:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  And that's.

• 39:44Theo Von?

  Have you done it? You're a.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did fasting like, I do it like every once in a while I'll do it, but I did a really long one and and it was great and then I got fat again. I told Rogan this, I did forty one and a half days.

• 39:57Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Just water and and and but honestly, I didn't rid myself of, like, I was doing it for like different like spiritual reasons, like I wanted to clear out everything. And because the whole journey, I was watching like food, pictures of food and going, this is what I'm gonna eat when I'm done. I can't wait to get back to. I never really broke the habit of going, I don't need food, it doesn't matter. I would feed, you know, I would cook food for my kids and the smell of food, I'd be like, hey, can I make you a sandwich? Because I was living through that and I wouldn't eat it and I was fine with that, but I needed to see the food and hold it. I'd smell it, you know, and then I and I hand it off and it didn't break the the real bind, you know what I'm saying, the the the cord of of

• 40:42Speaker 01

  being detached from from stuff, you know, and that's what I gotta do in my life with everything, you know, because I'm I'm addicted guy, like I'll just be like, oh, I gotta cut it off. That's it.

• 40:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think that's what I'm doing, kind of do, trying to do with dating right now is just like, let me take a break from like, because if I put myself into a moment over here and I'm in gate, I'm in this over here and then I'm going on maybe a date that I'm not interested in, but maybe over here, somebody I am interested in, but now I don't have time because I'm kind of dividing it up and then I'm like, I'm like, let me just see what's going on. You know, that's here at the factory, you know?

• 41:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. By the way, I had a dream that I was on the ledge of a building and I'm falling. I've had this one a few times. I'm falling, but I never leave the ledge. I'm just yelling the whole time like I'm falling down. You do understand? So I'm like. But I didn't, I never jumped. I'm just looking, yeah, and then I wake up. That one comes back. Anyway, I just want to throw that in there.

• 41:34Theo Von?

  Fuck, I'd be so pissed if I'm down there. I'm like, what is this?

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:38Theo Von?

  Look at this poser.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly. You're looking like, is he doing it? He's just yelling. He's giving, you know, he's got all the accoutrement, but no, no fall.

• 41:46Theo Von?

  Dude, the weird guy at a suicide dump is the guy who's just waiting down there for the guy to jump.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  They're just like this, not doing anything. Yeah, that's what you should do because this guy's not either helping or, or pushing. You know, either one, he's not doing anything. Either run upstairs, do something, make a move. But he's just waiting. These are the people in life we don't need.

• 42:05Theo Von?

  Eating and the guy that's eating and waiting.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Eating. If you get nachos and, and you're pulling up and you're waiting for a guy to jump.

• 42:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're like, hey, hey, hey.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  No, I can't.

• 42:13Theo Von?

  Give me, give me 30 seconds. Let me grab those nachos. Ledge, to dream of standing on a ledge represents being on the verge of something.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 42:22Theo Von?

  You or someone else may be

• 42:24Speaker 01

  That's my life.

• 42:25Theo Von?

  very close to finally making a big decision. You may be feeling tense or experiencing anxiety about a difficult change. Alternatively, a ledge may reflect how close you or someone else isn't close to going in a farce.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 42:35Theo Von?

  Shit, I fucked, I messed up the sentence.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  That's okay. It doesn't, because you know what? It still kind of hits the area. You know what I'm saying? I kind of got the gist of it.

• 42:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, thanks. Yeah, Rogan's crazy. Have you been on his show before?

• 42:47Speaker 01

  I did Joe's show. And I've known Joe for gotta be 35, maybe more than 35 years.

• 42:53Theo Von?

  Oh, wow.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  What's, what's 1990? No, maybe 34, what is it? With 90, 90 is 36 years, right? 26.

• 43:03Theo Von?

  That's so wild.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. I, he's the one who got me, I mean, really with my manager and he's just, he's always been the guy that's just like, go follow your own path. And, you know, he was the one who got me out of, yeah, he got me out of.

• 43:19Theo Von?

  Did he always seem so confident?

• 43:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, he did. He just did. He was.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  The one who got me out of like, I was the stand up comedian behind the mic with the, you know, the, the sleeves pushed up and the bolo tie. I don't know if you remember these comics, these comics were the jackets, the funny jackets, the color. And he just wasn't that guy. He was just a hat backwards guy and just go out there and he always tell me like, don't, I was always like so desperate to get laughs and trying so hard. And he was like, you know, don't, don't give them your jokes on a platter. Like he was one that told me like, basically make them comfortable and knowing that whatever you say, you know, it's funny. And if they don't know, like they gotta catch up and be part of it, you know?

• 43:59Theo Von?

  Right. Don't make it about the jokes. Make it be you.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. Yeah. He was such an influence on.

• 44:06Theo Von?

  So was he, did other people see him? Cause now people see him. I mean, and I certainly do like as a, you know, I wonder if it's a pioneer as much, but like, I mean, he's the best in his space. Like in podcasting, his stand up is just, I mean, he's just a killer. Like.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  He's always been, you know?

• 44:21Theo Von?

  Was he always, he was just was like?

• 44:23Speaker 01

  He's super, super intense in anything he, like, once he locks on doing it.

• 44:27Theo Von?

  He just seems so confident.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  I told him, I think like when he, I think God's gonna make him one of the greatest saints of the 21st century. I really do. I think this guy, and I keep saying, because God's gonna use him. He's like, ah, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. He just goes and he seeks truth and he's a guy that is just like, when he seeks it, he knows it's true. He, he's unrelent, like he just doesn't stop.

• 44:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  And it's like, that's who, like he, he'll go social, he's, he's crazy. Like I, I knew it was martial arts. It's jujitsu. We started, we started jujitsu together, by the way. I'm a blue belt. I'm a blue belt 30 something years. He's crazy black belt. He's beyond, you know?

• 45:04Theo Von?

  He's dark black belt.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  Dude, he's so, he's.

• 45:07Theo Von?

  He's Cafe de Negro.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  He is badass. He is the real deal. He really is. And, uh, and he was getting into the internet before anybody and just searching these things and truth and that, that, I mean, he was crazy about it. And I was just, oh, I, I never, I'm always behind the curve, way behind it.

• 45:25Theo Von?

  Well, we need sleep, I think. He's like the kind of guy, he's like, I don't know. He always just seems to me like he's so, and he and I know, he and I know each other pretty well now. Um, but he just is always go, he's always go and he's so curious and he remembers everything. That's the craziest thing. You can't lie to him because he remembers everything. So you're about to lie and you're like, oh shit.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  No, he's, and he'll call you. That's what I love about it. Like, you know, even me, like I'm there, I know him for 30, 36 years now. Even doing his podcast, it's like you gotta be careful because he'll be like, what? What do you mean? And it's like a dog, you know, it's a dog that caught you and you're like, not, you know, and you gotta come, you know, but I love that because he's in, there's such an innocence behind that. He just wants to know the truth. He's like, that's not true. You didn't say that or you didn't do it. So you gotta be careful.

• 46:12Theo Von?

  He is kind of an oracle. I like, I don't know if it's an oracle, but he's kind of like a, a mirror of something, you know what I'm saying? There is something about that. I think it's super, I, I totally believe that. Some people give him a hard time, whatever, but to, to me, he's always seemed very altruistic as, as to who he is, you know? Or trying to be the best of who he is.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  And it's not, everybody falls, everybody makes mistakes, he, you know, and does things wrong, but I, I know this guy is searching for truth and he, he, he's always just calling it out and, and.

• 46:39Theo Von?

  He's an astronaut, man.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  He's everything.

• 46:41Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, I was at the UFC the other day and, uh, he brings these big bags of beef snacks and it's just beef and salt. That's dried out beef and he brings.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Cause he wants to get down from two percent to one percent body fat. Is that it?

• 46:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, probably he's doing something.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 46:56Theo Von?

  He's always over there fucking, you know, drinking fucking bat saliva or something, doing something, trying to get an upper.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:02Theo Von?

  But, uh, anyway, yeah, there it is. Carnivore snacks. So he has three bags and he gave one to Daniel Cormier. And then, uh, Daniel traded one of his and, um.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Traded for what?

• 47:13Theo Von?

  I had a tub of popcorn.

• 47:17Theo Von?

  And he couldn't keep away from it.

• 47:18Speaker 01

  Oh, I love it.

• 47:20Theo Von?

  He's like, my hand just keeps ending up in there.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  DC.

• 47:23Theo Von?

  Yeah. But anyway, that was pretty great too. But I got to eat a whole bag of those beef snacks by myself. You know what? They're really good. They're not too salty. So you don't get like, um, like chip fatigue, you know?

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:34Theo Von?

  You ever get chip fatigue?

• 47:35Speaker 01

  Well, some of it's like you're chewing on a, a, the top of a shoe and it's just tiring. It's exhausting for the teeth.

• 47:40Theo Von?

  Oh, and it's not like jerky. Jerky to me, sometimes at a certain point seems like, what are we doing here?

• 47:45Speaker 01

  Yes, it's a give up. You give up.

• 47:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, but this is nothing like that.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 47:51Theo Von?

  Yeah. And it feels kind of carnivorous, I guess, in a sense. Yeah, I enjoyed it.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 47:56Theo Von?

  But, um, it's fun just seeing him over there with his snacks, but sometimes you'll see Daniel Cormier over there. He'll have a thing of summer sauce and you'll be there. And it's freaking February.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  He dips.

• 48:04Theo Von?

  And he's over there just slicing it off, you know?

• 48:07Speaker 01

  I love it. He's a good man. He's, he's, he's like me in, in that he loves his food. We golf together. I golf with, yeah.

• 48:14Theo Von?

  Are you golf with him?

• 48:15Speaker 01

  I did golf with him and Chris Wyman. Chris Wyman loves you too, by the way.

• 48:18Theo Von?

  Chris Wyman's a cool guy.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, he loves you. I know Chris for Long Island guy, so he's, they're the greatest. Yeah, and uh.

• 48:25Theo Von?

  Did you, so whenever you were training, was he training too then?

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Always training with him in their group, Ray Longo and over there.

• 48:30Theo Von?

  Dude, that's cool.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're fun. They're a fun group. Long Island is tough guys, man. There are a lot of good guys came out of Long Island.

• 48:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  So, uh, no, but it was, it's, you know, fun. Him and DC, we all went out and golfed and had a blast and, uh, oh, does that mean next to Wyman? Yeah, Wyman's.

• 48:47Theo Von?

  That's you? Wyman is hilarious, dude. He's got the best energy, bro.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a great guy. He's, he's incredible and, uh, yeah, he, uh.

• 48:56Theo Von?

  They have a great show now that they do too.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  Yes, he was just telling me that. They're, they're doing more and more with him. He's, and I said, man, I'm so happy that he stopped fighting. I, I want them all to stop fighting because I don't want anybody to get hurt. Like I, you get to know all these guys. You're like, please don't fight anymore. I can't, that's why I stopped watching. I, I don't go anymore. I used to go all the time.

• 49:12Theo Von?

  Oh, you did?

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Oh, I wouldn't, dude, there was no, yeah, I would go to these fights before anybody was even there.

• 49:19Theo Von?

  Oh, wow.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  I would hear, uh, you know, the stomping on the canvas. There'd be nobody there. There'd be nobody waiting for them. Yes, I love that.

• 49:25Theo Von?

  I go in the beginning.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  And you hear a crack of a, you know, a fist into a jaw or something or, and I love, I loved every moment of it, but I, uh, I just couldn't do it anymore because I would get to know these fighters and I was like, I couldn't, Randy Couture and, and, and, you know, Chuck Liddell, those fights.

• 49:42Theo Von?

  I just saw Chuck Liddell. I thought he passed away and I was like, holy shit.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I couldn't.

• 49:46Theo Von?

  You're alive.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  You are there early.

• 49:48Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I go early a lot.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Dude, I love that.

• 49:50Theo Von?

  Last time I got there too early.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  I love that, man. So you're not showing up at the main event, going in there, sitting there. I love this.

• 49:58Theo Von?

  I think this is ama, these are like these people that are doing the thing that they love the most.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Right.

• 50:03Theo Von?

  And some of them in the early, it's, they're coming out for the first time into this UFC, like, and they come out and nobody's there. It's like,

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:11Theo Von?

  And but dude, yeah, sometimes you see some of the best fights early.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Yup.

• 50:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, I love it, dude.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Good for you. Yeah, that was it. And then I would start to know these fighters and I couldn't watch them anymore. I was there with Rich Franklin when he got knocked out.

• 50:24Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  By Anderson Silva and it just, I was there with his wife, you know, watching this and just like, you're just stunned. And I'm like, I can't do this anymore. So I stopped going. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to see these guys. And I was telling that we I wanted to say that I wanted to get Chris out of fighting because I was like, he's had so many surgeries, broken leg, you know, all these things. And it's like, just he's a good looking guy, man, do do, you know, get on TV and he's funny and he's, you know, personable. So I'm glad to see he's doing TV stuff.

• 50:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's a lot of great guys over there. Angry Girls, it's been fun. Yeah, being associated with that whole thing has been just so exciting, just to get to go watch it.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 50:59Theo Von?

  You know?

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Do you train?

• 51:01Theo Von?

  No, I trained for a little while and then I just kept getting hurt.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 51:04Theo Von?

  Like my ribs and I'd be having like in some fucking huge guy would be rolling over on me or something. And I'm just like, it was a lot. So I think I'll do it again whenever I don't have so much responsibility.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  I gotta do it when when the when they work out the smell. You know what I'm saying? The smell of the room?

• 51:20Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Just I can't do it. And not at 60. Like when I was younger, I was like, hey, you gotta be, it doesn't matter what it is, you know? At 60, you go, I don't, I don't need to smell this anymore.

• 51:29Theo Von?

  You hit 60?

• 51:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I hit 60.

• 51:32Theo Von?

  No way. No, not at all.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  Yes. You're a baby. I'm telling you, I've been around a long time. So what I'm saying is, I don't need the smell of a jujitsu room anymore.

• 51:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  I gotta, I'll do it privately. I'll do it like that way for a while. And once, you know, because a wet gee, I don't think there's much worse than that going up against a guy with a wet, right? And you're like, and you're in there, and he's got your face and he's cranking it and and all you got is like, like wet gee and and chest hair.

• 52:00Theo Von?

  That's past gay. It's past like a gay feeling. I think a gay feeling.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  It's not even.

• 52:05Theo Von?

  It's beyond romance.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's it's a control thing. And it's just.

• 52:10Theo Von?

  But yes, some guys.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  And I'm at a, yeah, it's just not good.

• 52:12Theo Von?

  And he got wet and then got cold and wet.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 52:15Theo Von?

  That's amazing. If somebody's warm and wet, at least you're like.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  It's actually a bath. Yeah, that feels like a little bit more like a bath would feel. Cold and wet is just, it's bad. And the smell.

• 52:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's tough stuff, dude. Not my favorite.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 52:29Theo Von?

  Um, we've got another segment now brought to you by Pepsi. You saw the bear, the myth, the legend in the Super Bowl commercial where he chose Pepsi Zero Sugar. And now we've got him in studio here.

• 52:47Theo Von?

  What's up, bear?

• 52:49Theo Von?

  First off, thanks for, uh, coming. I don't even know how you got here. Well, actually, we just had a huge freeze here, so, uh... Oh, you can't talk?

• 52:58Theo Von?

  Okay, I think what'll be easiest to get to know you, I think, is if I ask you questions and you just use these paddles, this or that? Does that make sense to you?

• 53:10Theo Von?

  Okay. Uh, let's get started. Okay, I gotta ask you out the gate, big dog. This female polar bears? Or that thick raccoons?

• 53:26Theo Von?

  Female polar bears, huh? Okay. But if you get one of those snow racks going? And shawty, eh?

• 53:36Theo Von?

  Okay, let's keep it moving. This Polar Express? Or that Tokyo Drift?

• 53:45Theo Von?

  Tokyo Drift, really?

• 53:51Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. But Tom Hanks narrated Polar Express. Yeah, you're right, kinda.

• 53:58Theo Von?

  Dude, this is just for me. Have you ever had Penguin? How is it?

• 54:04Theo Von?

  I knew it. They won't let us have it. Dude, what's your stripper name, you think?

• 54:10Theo Von?

  What do you mean? You live at the North Pole. It's the biggest pole in the world. You never even thought about your stripper name? It's the last thing you ate in the street you grew up on. Yeah, I think so. Yours would probably be like Snow Way? Zero sugar.

• 54:28Theo Von?

  Coming to the main glacier? I like it. I like it. Zero sugar. That's what I'm talking about. Get that sugar out of here, boy. Don't be crazy around me with that sugar. I don't want no sugar bear. I want my bear to be sugar-free. Sugar-free! Sorry. Something took over me. Uh...

• 54:52Theo Von?

  Okay, that's not edible. Or you can... I don't care. I think we have another one. So this? The first sip? Or that? The last sip?

• 55:10Theo Von?

  All sips. Alright, this is the last one. This is a big one. This Coca-Cola zero sugar, or that Pepsi zero sugar?

• 55:31Theo Von?

  It's the truth. Pepsi zero sugar tastes better than Coca-Cola zero sugar. That's his take. That's my take, but let your tastes decide.

• 55:44Theo Von?

  Hey. Yeah.

• 55:48Theo Von?

  Jeez, where you going? Oh, wherever you want, I guess. Where does a polar bear sit? Wherever he wants.

• 55:57Theo Von?

  Was it hard for you to adapt to married life once you got married?

• 56:00Speaker 01

  No. No, once I, once I found her, like, it was like, I remember I went away, I was with her for a while, you know, it's like, this is it, I knew this was it. And it wasn't because, oh, I gotta get married or anything like that. I could tell because I just didn't want to be away from her. And I had to do, I think, a couple gigs or whatever, I was on the road for a while and she couldn't go. And I, I just hated being away from her. I was calling her every night and I was like, wow, I gotta get back there, you know? And

• 56:26Theo Von?

  Had you had that feeling in a long time?

• 56:29Speaker 01

  I hadn't, you know, not, not with who I, you know, was dating and, and, and going out with, so no, it, it wasn't there. It was, it was totally different. You just click on so many different levels and it's like, it just becomes apparent like, man, I got, I need this person in my life. This is, you know, they make me better too. You know, they're, you know what I'm saying? They were like,

• 56:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  That's it. So it's, she's, she's amazing that way. So that was it. I was like, I'm done. I'm happy. Gosh.

• 56:54Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a great thing to say.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I am. It's amazing.

• 56:58Theo Von?

  Yeah. When you get excited, when you see your wife, you get excited, you give her a hug?

• 57:02Speaker 01

  It's

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll give her a hug. Uh, I, I love, but sometimes, you know, it's also, it's not, you know, all the ti- it's not crazy romantic all the ti- you know.

• 57:11Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  It's life, you know, you're retired, it's like, eh, you know, you just pass each other sometimes, it's, you know, it's a fist bump, it's like, alright, get out of here, whatever it is, but, uh, but I miss her this morning, she left this morning, you know, we were out last night, and then, uh, I was like, wow, you know, I, it's, it's, it's, you know, you're gonna have all those feelings, it's, you know, all, all the, the, uh, the, the emotions and, and everything, and all the cooking or this, that, the, the things that you love them so much about, it, it's, it's a balance of them all, it's everything, it's the good, it's the bad, and you just realize, overall, it's like, I never wanna be without them, you know, e- even in the, in the worst moments, it's like, so you, you know that, and it's, it's real.

• 57:55Theo Von?

  You think you can fall in like a different type of love when you're like, like in your late 30s, or as you get older than you can when you're younger, you think?

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Uh, first, for me, I, I, I think I matured, I'm still not that mature, you know, I'm 60, and it's like, so I still think like a kid, like an idiot, so, for me, I'm glad it happened later, you know, some people are, uh, able to, to know what they want when they're younger and much more mature, I was not there, you know?

• 58:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think, and your career might not have happened the same.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's for sure, I needed to be kinda by myself and get it going, and.

• 58:29Theo Von?

  Cause you might have left your family all the time to go war, it would have just been really different.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  It would have been rough, for sure, yeah, so, I'm glad I got the, the grind out, now I take them with me if I'm, you know, doing a movie, you know, I'm never away from them for that long, which is good.

• 58:42Theo Von?

  Do you miss some of those days, like the road days back in the day, like, do you ever, are there any of them that you kind of romanticize a little bit?

• 58:47Speaker 01

  I still do them, you know, it's like, the, the days.

• 58:49Theo Von?

  But I mean, like, clubs that weren't, just like, you know, I'm talking about, like, you know.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Staying in the condo and all that stuff?

• 58:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, like, did you ever stay in Mishawaka?

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Did you stay in condos?

• 58:57Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, dude. You ever stay in Mishawaka over there?

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Where's that?

• 59:00Theo Von?

  Indiana, like, right outside of, uh. Notre Dame is right there.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  No, no, but I mean crazy crappy condos and stuff like that, but it was exciting. It was me, my brother, a couple other guys, comedians that were, you know, we, we, we, Rogan, you know, but never went on the road with Rogan. Uh, but, uh, yeah, it was great. It was fun. You know, you stayed casino, like I used to play the Tropicana in, in Vegas.

• 59:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  And I was, I never gambled, I'd never been to Vegas and I remember losing my, uh, my week. You go there for a week, you do two shows a night for seven days, man.

• 59:38Theo Von?

  You have to eat downstairs with the staff.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly.

• 59:40Theo Von?

  And sometimes there's no food and they're asking you for food.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, exactly. It's rough. Uh, but you're excited to be there. Uh, it was like a hundred and three degrees. This is, I remember when, uh, OJ, when they were chasing OJ, I was in Vegas at the Tropicana and, uh, we were drinking, we got it, you're staying in your hotel, you cut no, I think you're getting maybe, I don't even know how much money you're getting, but I lost in the first night, I've lost my entire week's worth of money. I'm not kidding. So we got a case of Bud Light Ice, which was the beer then it was so good and frosty at a gas station.

• 1:00:14Theo Von?

  I remember that beer.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Do you remember that?

• 1:00:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, they discontinued it, it was great though. I liked it.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  I did too. Bud Light Ice and, uh,

• 1:00:20Theo Von?

  Bring up a picture of it, at least let's see it.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Can you please, something, what it looked like?

• 1:00:23Theo Von?

  And they had ma- uh, there was a something dog at the same time, another beer.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, Red Dog.

• 1:00:28Theo Von?

  Red Dog or something like that.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  I love that, you know that.

• 1:00:31Theo Von?

  Red Dog was disgusting, it was supposed to be for like disabled.

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  Bud Light Ice, there you go. We got a case of that and we sat in my, uh, in my hotel room and we just pounded it and it was like still a hundred and three degrees at night. I remember that and OJ was being chased or whatever, it was just crazy.

• 1:00:45Theo Von?

  Dude, I remember, I would be in my hotel, one, I remember, well, this one hotel I stayed at, I think it was in, right outside of Syracuse, in like Liberty, New York or something?

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:54Theo Von?

  And they gave you a cup of water. And uh, and it was filled up when I got in the room, it was like a cup of water. I was like, it wasn't even like a bottle of water. And I was like,

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  Oh, that was for you, if you're hotel, yeah.

• 1:01:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, if you're thirsty, we poured you a cup of water and put it in there.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  Did you stay in some rough places?

• 1:01:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, just places where you like would have to walk on the interstate to get there, whatever, like a highway to get there, just some places that were a little bit like, what is going on here?

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  I drove eight hours to a gig that I had to do, one gig, it was one night, was making like no money. I get there early before the gig and it's a crappy motel type thing. I pull the bed back to cause I'm tired, just drove eight hours, could take a nap before the show.

• 1:01:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  There's a roach in the, in the blanket. I mean, I don't even know, it was this big. I literally just put the blanket back. I went to the show. I just sat in my car in the parking lot till the thing was ready, did the show, drove home eight hours, man. I'm not staying with a roach. Couldn't do it. There's some miserable places.

• 1:01:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I remember we would, to save like a hundred dollars, you'd fly into a city that was like four hours, like if you could figure out the math.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Yes, and then drive here and get a lot ride.

• 1:02:08Theo Von?

  Then you're like, oh, I'll just finish the show. I'll drive and catch a flight out of Indianapolis at five a. It's just like, everything was like.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Did you, did you have a buddy, did you like a comic buddy that you go with or you by yourself?

• 1:02:18Theo Von?

  Didn't, I was out there, I'd always pee in the bed, I'd always pee on my cell phone once it came out. So I'd miss certain calls or wake up alarms.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  Back that up. Wait a second, what did you say?

• 1:02:28Theo Von?

  I would wet the bed.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  You would wet the bed?

• 1:02:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wet the bed, man. I'd be drinking.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Let's start with this one first and then we'll back it in there. Why is your cell phone in the bed? Can you put it on the counter?

• 1:02:38Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:02:38Theo Von?

  I'd fall asleep.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  But that's not that close, you shouldn't have that close to anyway. Put that on there. And by the way, you would pee on it then. But, but why are you wetting the bed?

• 1:02:47Theo Von?

  I was wetting the bed, man.

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  Were you drunk or just letting it go?

• 1:02:49Theo Von?

  I was drunk and I wet the bed till I, I wet the bed for a long time.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:02:52Theo Von?

  I was in it.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Just cause you got used to it when you were younger and you're like, let's just keep going with this?

• 1:02:56Theo Von?

  I can't remember, dude. I just think, I just was always so nervous.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01Theo Von?

  And whenever I was asleep, at some point, finally I wasn't nervous and my body's like, well, this is when we gotta urinate, you know?

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  You seem like a guy that operate you from a place of fear, right? Everything in fear like I I'm that way. I don't know about you, but I get worried about everything or or you're not worried about everything.

• 1:03:14Theo Von?

  Oh, I would get worried like if I'm with a girl and there's like a moment of silence, it makes me so fuck.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  You gotta fill that.

• 1:03:19Theo Von?

  I get so scared.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Theo Von?

  I'm like, I just don't want to give her room not to like, it was almost like.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  I'm that way.

• 1:03:24Theo Von?

  If there's any space here, she'll not like me.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  That's exactly it.

• 1:03:28Theo Von?

  I don't want to give her room not to.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  So you gotta fill that space up.

• 1:03:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  And I would do it with one word for the next set. So it's like if we were talking about, yeah, well, I went to the uh the uh the game with my brother and it was a lot of fun. And then it gets quiet and I would go because uh and I would say because uh.

• 1:03:43Theo Von?

  To give you moments of start.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Yes, and but I don't know what I'm saying. And she's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, because and I'm like, in my head, I'm like, hey, because it has to follow. You gotta follow with something. If you say because uh.

• 1:03:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  So I was like, because, you know, we we just like the the team that was playing. Something and then it's like dead again. And I'm like, I do another one. So and it's just those little words like, just shut up, man. Sit in the pocket. I can't sit in the pocket.

• 1:04:06Theo Von?

  I can't sit.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  Ever.

• 1:04:07Theo Von?

  Pocket. Dude, it's same with baseball. I would get up there. I would swing three times before even fucking through it. And I would go sit down.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:04:14Theo Von?

  And if they had a problem with it.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 1:04:16Theo Von?

  Going home.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  I like.

• 1:04:17Theo Von?

  My mom would sit in the distance. She would be in the van and she would honk. She's like, if you don't hit it, we're fucking leaving.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 1:04:23Theo Von?

  She'd be gone, dude. I never hit it.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  Dude, I love that.

• 1:04:28Theo Von?

  I never hit it, dude. But yeah, there's something about that moment where it's like. I just can't and like especially if it's like looking in a woman in the eyes too. That's always been like super tough. It's just like something. It's like. Yeah, I just always had a tough time with that, but I can't let there be a thing.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Well, I couldn't. If if the woman didn't like like in high school or even beyond. I had to know the girl like like she had to come over to me. Like I could never be one of those guys to go up. I'd be like, as my friends, she's like, she likes you. Go talk to her, you know, and I couldn't talk to her.

• 1:04:57Theo Von?

  I'd walk around her in a big circle.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh, yes, that's funny. That's great, though. That's yes.

• 1:05:01Theo Von?

  That's insane.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  That's marking your territory and you're trying to go in and you don't even know how to do it. Um. Yeah, I I would need her to come over and I would need confirmation of yes, I like you.

• 1:05:12Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Let's go out, you know, I couldn't, I'd be like, you sure? I'd give her every out, like, we don't have to do this, you don't wanna go out.

• 1:05:19Theo Von?

  Are you okay? That's what I always, if anybody hangs out with me a lot, I'm always like, are you okay?

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:24Theo Von?

  There's a, I don't even do it on purpose, I just, there's a part of me that just asks them that.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:28Theo Von?

  But yeah.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  It's sweetness, man, but it's a, it's a worry that you're not good enough, right? I mean, I.

• 1:05:32Theo Von?

  Oh, I'm sure, and I think it's not even on the front of my thoughts anymore, but it's still just this old thing that's just built in me, you know?

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  I've had it.

• 1:05:40Theo Von?

  But that looking in the eyes, like, yeah, I couldn't look a woman in the eye, I just like, I don't know what it is if I, if they, I don't know what I'm afraid they're gonna see, you know? They're just gonna see that something's wrong with me, probably, or something, you know, or I'm gonna, or I'm gonna see them, here's what I think it is too, I'm gonna see them, see that something's wrong with me. Right?

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  You would look for signs. She saw me just like, she, she knows I'm, I'm, I'm weak.

• 1:06:06Theo Von?

  Right, I'll know the look in her eyes, I'll know the look in her eyes when she sees that, when she realizes that there's something wrong with me, so, I got, I like, I don't know. So I don't wanna lock out, something like that, I don't know what it is. Anyway, sorry for talking.

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  You don't want, no, no, it's the truth, I'm the same way. You don't wanna give yourself the, the possibility of failing, so it's like you kill it before it happens.

• 1:06:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  You go, I'll self-kill it before, then I didn't fail, it just went down, whatever.

• 1:06:30Theo Von?

  But then, then life gets, but then life gets along, you're like, what kind of, what theme park am I living in here with myself?

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  I'm gonna tell you, get out of it, I'm out of it now, I'm coming out of it, I really am. I don't let those things that scare me anymore, like, I, I don't care anymore, I do it. And that's, it's, it's been helping a lot.

• 1:06:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  I mean it, yes.

• 1:06:47Theo Von?

  Just by just.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Just doing.

• 1:06:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  You figure it out, you go, I don't care, she said, no, she didn't know, this one, this, whatever, I don't get this, this doesn't do well, I don't care, moving on, what's next? Let's go, we know what we got, God is good, go, go, go.

• 1:07:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, get stuck so much on the thinking side, you know?

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta get out of your own way, I'm the same way.

• 1:07:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's interesting, dude, but yeah, that would be a lot of it. God.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:12Theo Von?

  That would be a lot of it.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:15Theo Von?

  But yeah, that thing, I'll be, I'll be like, um, what else is going on? I'll say that all the time.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Theo Von?

  If things get real quiet. That's a weird thing, huh? But I think that's what makes you, your brain is like, we gotta come up with something. What are we doing here, boys?

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yeah, and I, I'm telling you, it, it, you look calm outside, but inside it's like, there's a fire, what do we do next? Like, she's not like, I, I remember it all, I remember. It's over, it's cortisol shooting out of your, your, your face, you know, it's like, ah, I don't know what to do, I can't control myself, you know, it's just.

• 1:07:49Theo Von?

  When you think back on it, it's so insane, really, too.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  It is, it means nothing, it meant nothing. Don't worry, just calm down, sit in the pocket.

• 1:07:58Theo Von?

  Yeah. Spade does a good job of that, man.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  He's always been that guy, right? He's just very cool and, yeah. I've never been the cool guy.

• 1:08:09Theo Von?

  So cool, yeah. My friend was the cool guy.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, all my friends were the cool guy, like, it was never me. I was never that guy.

• 1:08:18Theo Von?

  No, uh, but even at times when I thought I was that guy, I was like, ah, that's insane that you thought that, dude. You know, cause it, it just doesn't fit.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  Right. Nah, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't. And then it worked for me to not be that guy. And it's like, when you admit it, you're like.

• 1:08:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, once you realize all I'm not, yeah, once you're not trying to be something.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it feels better, right? And it's like, it's all right, that's why it happened.

• 1:08:40Theo Von?

  It makes things every, a little bit better. Did you feel like a little bit of like your character, uh, Matt Tay, Matt Taylor, that's the guy's name? Which is so funny, cause I know three Matt Taylors, but everybody does, maybe that's why they picked the name.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  It's a lot of them. There's a lot of them out there.

• 1:08:53Theo Von?

  How many are there, bring that up?

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  Please.

• 1:08:55Theo Von?

  How many Matt Taylors are there?

• 1:08:58Theo Von?

  I know three.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  There's gotta be fourteen or more in the world.

• 1:09:03Theo Von?

  There's, I bet there's a hundred and forty thousand.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  I know, I'm joking. There's gotta be like Matt Taylors, right?

• 1:09:09Theo Von?

  Thank, uh, there's no precise global count for the name Matt Taylor. A comprehensive worldwide name database do not exist. Estimates can be derived from available national data and name frequency tools.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  So up here in the public records, about thirty-seven hundred times, that's it? Yeah, there's no way to figure it out. There's a lot of them, though.

• 1:09:28Theo Von?

  Matt as a first name alone has an estimated living population of 207,000.

• 1:09:35Theo Von?

  I bet it's more than that. 207,000 Matts? There was that Kyle meetup in Texas. Do you see that?

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  I did not.

• 1:09:43Theo Von?

  Bring that up.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  All Kyles?

• 1:09:45Theo Von?

  All the Kyles met up.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:09:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  If we were to to branch out now and like go to try to figure out how many Matt Taylors there are currently living in the world. How like what is the first step? Like the first step is do what? Do I go? Okay, like if we just decided right now, we're doing it?

• 1:10:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  But do I? Like, would I say to my guy like, all right, call his agent like we're gonna do this thing like what is the first step? Do we book a hotel and we say we're gonna talk about it or like we need a first meeting of how we're gonna go about the thing? Is that it?

• 1:10:16Theo Von?

  The first step probably agreeing that we're gonna do it together.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  Right. That would take some time, though, right? Because we'd be like, are we really doing this? And then it's like, well, we gotta talk it out of this thing and the logistics of it like, how would we do? Okay, so then.

• 1:10:27Theo Von?

  Getting uniforms, too.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Searching for Matt Taylor uniforms. Every Matt? That would be sick. Would it be a jumpsuit or is it like two pieces?

• 1:10:36Theo Von?

  Every Matt Taylor. I think it's a onesie.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  A onesie?

• 1:10:40Theo Von?

  One piece like a Carhartt. It's hard work.

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:10:44Theo Von?

  Dude, you know me, Matt Taylors are hard. At least 207,000.

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  I love it. Okay.

• 1:10:48Theo Von?

  Searching for the yeah, like the best Matt Taylor like, yeah, what are we looking for?

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  The uniform would be probably the first thing we're working on.

• 1:10:53Theo Von?

  What are we looking for him for? Maybe we got a piece of mail for him.

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, just something like we can. Yeah, we're just to give them a, you know, a pat on the back for being Matt Taylor, like being part of the team.

• 1:11:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, being in the army. That's a militia. That many people. Bring up that meeting of the Kyles again. What did they do too? Somebody said that, um.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  That is cool. They're all Kyles?

• 1:11:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, those were all Kyles and Sugar Ray performed, I heard.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  Oh, I love it.

• 1:11:20Theo Von?

  706 people named Kyle got together in Texas, but it wasn't.

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  Enough for a world record. Oh, how sad is that? First of all, let me say something. These guys put together 706 of these people had the dream of becoming a world record breaker with the most Kyles in a certain area.

• 1:11:38Theo Von?

  I love that.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  And they missed it. Look at that. By the way, as bad as we feel about everything that happened in our lives, if I had that one, that would tip it.

• 1:11:47Theo Von?

  It'd be tough to leave.

• 1:11:48Speaker 01

  Come on. No, your second place for most Kyles?

• 1:11:52Theo Von?

  Second place for most Kyles. The crown is currently held by a town in Bosnia. They got 235 people named Ivan.

• 1:12:00Theo Von?

  2017.

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  So it's any name. It's not just Kyles. So it's like just a certain name.

• 1:12:06Theo Von?

  But this is, I think, one of the largest groupings. What did it say about Kyle? Did it say anything else? Go back to that original article?

• 1:12:12Speaker 01

  How does that start? Where's that first meeting?

• 1:12:14Theo Von?

  Oh, Kyle. Well, it's right here. It's not the first time the Kyles have come gunning for the Ivans. Last year, the official count at what has become known as the Gathering of the Kyles, clocked in at 1490 in the fast-growing Texas city that is about 37 miles of Austin. Oh, the city's called Kyle.

• 1:12:30Speaker 01

  So they.

• 1:12:31Theo Von?

  They did it in Kyle, Texas.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  But, but are they named Kyle?

• 1:12:34Theo Von?

  They're all named Kyle. That's gotta be crazy, dude, when you see who all the other fricking Kyles really are. And you, dude, you see.

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  But you go door to door, are you knocking and going?

• 1:12:42Theo Von?

  I'm sure they met up. I'm sure there was something online that announced it.

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:12:46Theo Von?

  And then they all showed up. I guess you have to register.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would seem a lot more efficient.

• 1:12:50Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, that'd be so crazy. You look around and everybody's a Kyle, and you see some, you're like, whoa.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:12:56Theo Von?

  Or they put one person out there that's not a Kyle, and the whole day.

• 1:12:59Speaker 01

  Do you think there's anybody in that group of 706 that's not a Kyle? Really? That's like Kyle was his nickname. It wasn't even his real name. And he knows it. He's there. It's not on his birth certificate, and he's kind of like getting around, like not wanting to get caught. And people are looking around, and other Kyles know if you're not a Kyle. So they're just kind of like, and you're like, what's your name? And you're like, I'm Kyle too. And they're like, I don't know if he, you know, and they're like, hey, they go to get his buddy, like, I want to check you out. And then he leaves, he like, I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be back. And he's just, goes to a different area of the field.

• 1:13:32Speaker 01

  It's so stupid.

• 1:13:33Theo Von?

  It's so crazy.

• 1:13:34Speaker 01

  I love it, man.

• 1:13:35Theo Von?

  To be a fake Kyle there, just to fit in though.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  But people have nothing to do. Look at what they're doing.

• 1:13:41Theo Von?

  Ah, they're just trying.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  I love it, man. I love it.

• 1:13:43Theo Von?

  Desperate for connection. This is how it's getting.

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  By the way, this is beautiful to me. This is.

• 1:13:48Theo Von?

  But the worst part is though, imagine they're, it's all dude, you go there hoping you can meet a chick. There's some chicks named Kyle.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Oh, do you think so? Is that?

• 1:13:57Theo Von?

  There's a couple. I've met a couple.

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:14:01Theo Von?

  I met a couple for sure.

• 1:14:02Speaker 01

  Who performed?

• 1:14:04Theo Von?

  Who performed? I think Sugar Ray.

• 1:14:06Speaker 01

  But that's a missed opportunity. Shouldn't they get a Kyle? Isn't there a Kyle performer?

• 1:14:09Theo Von?

  Kyle Kanaan could have.

• 1:14:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  That's a missed opportunity, man.

• 1:14:15Theo Von?

  It won't try to break the same name gathering record this year. Okay, so Kyle's out.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Oh, so they're switching names. By the way, why don't you go with a Bob or something like, you know what I'm saying? It's.

• 1:14:25Theo Von?

  Maybe because, oh, because the city of Kyle, Texas put it on, it looks like.

• 1:14:28Speaker 01

  All right, we'll find a better name.

• 1:14:30Theo Von?

  The city has been hosting the gathering since 2017.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:14:35Theo Von?

  Um, when you look back, this movie, what was different about making this movie than some of the others? Did you find it that it's easier? Do you have a different, like, uh, like, ownership of this film?

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  It was, it was, it was something that, it came together really quick, but it was, it was, it's the first movie that, like, I'm really, like, proud of that everybody who worked on it was just amazing. And it was just different than every, any other movie I've done. And the story's not that, it's not even that crazy different or anything that, it's not, it's, but it's, it's a classic. It, we hit every mark that we wanted to hit in doing this in a different way. I hired, like, we got the best cast, the best crew. And again, it's, it's not me, it was them and it was everything coming together in Italy that just made it. I just couldn't believe how great it came out and I was like, I know, I think honestly,

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  for the rest of my life, this would probably be the best movie I've, for me, it like, it's the best I've done so far. Yes, I, without a doubt.

• 1:15:36Theo Von?

  The best you've done, like even in your acting, you think?

• 1:15:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, because, well, it's the most where I'm real to, you know, there, you do different movies for different reasons, right? Like, you know, when I did All Cop, uh, you know, I'm doing it for families and kids and you're being goofy and broad and this and that. And a lot of stuff you're getting that, you know, uh, that's your kind of the, what they expect from you. But this was one where I was able, there's still comedy in it, but it like, I don't hold the comedy as much as like Kim Coates and Jonathan Rumi, these guys and Alison Hannigan and Julie Turda.

• 1:16:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, Jonathan was great.

• 1:16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, which allowed me to kind of play more of a real guy, which, which was fun for me to do.

• 1:16:10Theo Von?

  And you played Jules, what was that guy's name?

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Kim Coates, from Sons of Anarchy. He's just, I've known him for thirty five years. Like, he's, I did a movie with him and Ray Romano, uh, called Grilled. Yeah. And it never went anywhere. We were meat salesmen and I met him and he, uh, he is, he is the greatest. He's an insane, insanely intense actor. I don't even, even know what he's gonna do. But that's why I want him for comedy. Like, he looks at you and he's, he's just, he's just gonna go a certain way and you're gonna go with him. And he was the perfect guy to play that role.

• 1:16:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was great, dude. He was really, really, he was a good, uh, yeah, his comedy was right on.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  He's incredible, man. He's, he's, he crushes it.

• 1:16:54Theo Von?

  Um, whenever you made, what's another favorite, like, just take me through one more favorite film that you, like, an experience that you had?

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  I mean Hitch, I mean, all the, you know, the, the stuff with Sandler, you know, uh, growing, like, that stuff.

• 1:17:05Theo Von?

  That's kind of a dumb question.

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  No, no, I mean, it's like, doing stuff with Sandler's the, the, the best, always.

• 1:17:10Theo Von?

  What about like a Hitch reboot today? Would that work, you think?

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't know how you do it with me, but um, yeah, I guess you could do it. I, I, I think so. I think it was great. Well, that was my first movie. So, um, I mean, I was thankful for that one. That was, that started out like, like I had like one line or something. It was like a very small part. And then Will and I just connected and he, he was so nice and, and giving me, you know, some freedom to be funny and kind of try different things.

• 1:17:39Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  Oh dude, and it, it just, it, it made everything for me. So I was, I was really excited about that.

• 1:17:45Theo Von?

  A lot of pressure when you just have that, that much of a part to try to make it perfect in some way?

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  And Hitch? You know, I, I, coming in, you know, Will was a massive, you know, movie star.

• 1:17:56Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. He's been, he's been one of the biggest.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  And movie stars were different then. It was like, it was just in the theaters. It was like, they were special. You didn't see them much, you know? And I remember we were doing a big table read in New York and he walked in with his crew and I'm like, whoa, you know, my eyes like, whoa, that's him. You know, it's like one of those things and uh, just happy to be there, you know, trying to pitch things, but you know, don't want to get thrown out of the room. You know, try, you know, timing and stuff like that. Uh, but he was great. Like we would write after in his trailer, he'd go, come back and we, you know, we'd work on some uh, material and, and rewrite it as we were doing it. And I was just in it. It was like a dream for me. It was really great. And, and it had that special feeling that I have in this movie, honestly, where you feel things are coming together. Cause I've done a ton of movies where you go,

• 1:18:38Speaker 01

  man, this is just not working. You know, it's like, yeah, ah, it just feel like you're muscling through, you're pushing the comedy too hard. This one felt so real to me and uh, it was just so much fun to be a part of.

• 1:18:51Theo Von?

  Do you have other projects that are already, that you already have on the docket, Kevin?

• 1:18:54Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, yeah, we're, we're, we're working on one with the Jelly Roll, uh, that I'm gonna be, it's a, it's actually a drama. Uh, country music drama that uh, we're working together and.

• 1:19:04Theo Von?

  You see that video of him the other night at the Grammys? Were you there?

• 1:19:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I wasn't there. Uh, he is amazing, man. Just, I got a shirt. I bought a shirt at Walmart before coming here. And I already stained it up a little bit, but uh, yeah, let's go Jelly.

• 1:19:17Theo Von?

  He sent me a pair of those shoes. It was like, they're like hat, they're like, I don't know what they're called.

• 1:19:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. Yeah. His, the boots that he wears?

• 1:19:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're something like that. Yeah.

• 1:19:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. They're, they're great. Uh, he, he's. He's an amazing human being, man. I'm so proud of him and so excited to do this. And in this drama, here's the thing. We both, he goes, hey, if we're gonna do this, we gotta get into like prison shape. Cause we go to prison. We were both in prison in the movie and it's real. Where at? What city? In Nashville. Oh, nice. So, um. I haven't been in the prison here. Yeah. It's a, it's a whole thing about getting to the, the Yopri. And it's a really, it's a cool story and there's a lot of drama in it and it's exciting. But uh, we said, okay, we're gonna commit now to doing this. And he went out and lost like 300 pounds. And I am up seven. Um, I gotta get down. You're up seven pounds right now?

• 1:20:07Speaker 01

  Yes. He's down like 300. I'm up seven. Like I've, so now, so yeah, it's a big spread. We went the wrong way. And you already shot. No, no, we didn't shoot anything yet. We shoot in like, we're, we're hoping to do seven, eight months. We're gonna be, we're gonna be ready to, to shoot. So. Do you think you can get to that? I know I can. I'm gonna do it right now. I'm literally, after I promote this movie, which I'm doing, I'm shutting down from everything else and I'm, I'm going into training mode like never before. I'm gonna work out. I'm gonna change everything. I'm gonna be unrecognizable. I have to say it. If I don't say it, I'll never be accountable. What will you do? Like what do you have? Do you have like a real plan? Yeah, I'm gonna do everything. Like, well, I'm gonna go easy though. You know, it's like, that's the one thing. I'm very eclectic when I work out. Like I do,

• 1:20:49Speaker 01

  you know, I'll do a little bit of jujitsu and stuff like that. Light stuff though now and boxing and, and then stretching and a little bit of stuff, bike riding, things like that. Pool is insane. Uh, uh, you know, I. Swimming? Not swimming. I'm not a swimmer. But just getting in a pool and stretching and moving a little bit. Yeah. If you can do that, if you have access to that, dude, but it's also like. It burns a lot of calories. And it's therapeutic because the water holds you. So it's like, your body feels good stretching and moving. So. Oh, yeah. Doing a lot of that and uh, no, I gotta, I gotta get on it though. He's, he's, he's like, he's lived up to his part of the bargain. Or are you gonna have a trainer? Like what do you, what else will you do? I do, but trainers, trainers get annoying to me. I gotta be honest. Like after a while. Yeah.

• 1:21:32Speaker 01

  And you know what? If I'm being completely honest, I've done it before. I know what to do. I know what to eat. I know what, you know, but I, I am using Dolce. You, do you know Mike Dolce? He's got the Dolce diet. He's trained all these UFC athletes.

• 1:21:47Theo Von?

  Oh, wait, I have met him before.

• 1:21:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's awesome. He's gonna help me. Yes, he, he's a badass. He's a really good-

• 1:21:54Theo Von?

  So he's gonna help?

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  He is gonna help. He's frustrated with me because I don't, I haven't been doing, he knows I haven't been doing it.

• 1:22:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're up seven.

• 1:22:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, so he, I don't think he knew that. I guess he's gonna know that now.

• 1:22:04Theo Von?

  Alright.

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  Alright, sorry Dolce, I'm up seven, but I didn't lock in yet. When I lock in, I promise you, it's gonna be six, six months, I'm gonna be a different person, so.

• 1:22:14Theo Von?

  Where, uh, what would be the hardest thing for you to give up, you think?

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  Food wise or just, I mean?

• 1:22:19Theo Von?

  Probably food wise, yeah. Or is it a beer wise or what is it?

• 1:22:22Speaker 01

  No, no, it's not drinking. I'm not a big, big drinker. Uh, uh, it's just food and it's just amounts of food. Like, I, it, I could eat constantly if you changed the food, like a shark. Like, I would just keep swimming. Like, I would just keep-

• 1:22:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  I don't get, I don't get full, really, you know? It's scary. It's something in me that, you know, I need to stop. But, uh, but are you a big eater? You don't, you look great, man.

• 1:22:47Theo Von?

  I like to eat some, but I don't care that much.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  You don't?

• 1:22:50Theo Von?

  Beef quesadillas and I like smoothie.

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  Okay, but so you're not, that's a great combo.

• 1:22:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, those are the two things I eat every single day.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  Do you really?

• 1:22:58Theo Von?

  If I'm eating, that's what I eat.

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 1:23:00Theo Von?

  We have seven ingredients here.

• 1:23:01Speaker 01

  But you don't think about it. See, look at your face. You, you're kinda like, that's your face when, you know, that's not my face with food.

• 1:23:08Theo Von?

  But I think it's lame to not care about food sometimes. I think like, dude, get some zest in your world.

• 1:23:13Speaker 01

  No, I think, I think what you're doing is-

• 1:23:14Theo Von?

  Think about a fucking-

• 1:23:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:23:16Theo Von?

  Sauce or something.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  No, I think that's, I would rather be like that because, you know, why am I so concerned about what I'm eating for lunch? Like, I'm thinking about it constantly. I'm looking at you right now-

• 1:23:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  But I'm thinking tonight, where, like, you don't wanna make a mistake. You don't wanna go-

• 1:23:31Theo Von?

  That's a good point.

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:23:32Theo Von?

  Nothing's worse than making a mistake at a-

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  Especially when you're like, we're in Nashville now.

• 1:23:37Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, yeah.

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  So we gotta pop.

• 1:23:38Theo Von?

  You gotta find something good. Dude, I went to, I, I ordered a steak from this place, STK, last night or something.

• 1:23:43Speaker 01

  Oh, STK's great.

• 1:23:43Theo Von?

  This was not, dude, this-

• 1:23:45Speaker 01

  Oh, really? STK missed? Didn't they have a place in the, they have a few of them, right? They're a chain?

• 1:23:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's, I mean, it just-

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  But not, not, not a-

• 1:23:53Theo Von?

  Oh, it still makes me sick. It tastes like, I don't even know.

• 1:23:56Speaker 01

  Oh, STK, sorry. I'm out then. I'm out. If you had a bad one?

• 1:24:00Theo Von?

  Oh, it tasted like-

• 1:24:02Speaker 01

  No, I'm done.

• 1:24:03Theo Von?

  It tasted like just-

• 1:24:05Speaker 01

  Okay. If they had one in LA, I think I went to it.

• 1:24:09Theo Von?

  Fourteen hundreds or whatever, like game of.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:24:13Theo Von?

  Groans, dude, it was horrible. Oh dude, I can still, I had one bite and I was like, oh, maybe I got a bad.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  In what way?

• 1:24:21Theo Von?

  Piece of meat or whatever.

• 1:24:23Speaker 01

  It tasted bad or it was tough?

• 1:24:24Theo Von?

  It tasted bad and it just had this like aroma or.

• 1:24:27Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:24:28Theo Von?

  Or door or whatever with it. And dude, that order hit me and I was like.

• 1:24:33Speaker 01

  What is the order? Oh, you're seeing the odor or door?

• 1:24:36Theo Von?

  Order?

• 1:24:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:24:37Theo Von?

  It hit me, dude. I fucking my knees shook a little.

• 1:24:41Speaker 01

  Did they?

• 1:24:41Theo Von?

  God.

• 1:24:42Speaker 01

  But do you think it was like, like just bad tasting or it was bad? Like, like you're gonna get sick?

• 1:24:47Theo Von?

  I couldn't tell, dude, but I had one more bite.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  You went back?

• 1:24:50Theo Von?

  I was, I was like, dude, I was treating myself to something, you know?

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:54Theo Von?

  I hadn't really eaten all day and I was coming home and I was like, I'm gonna treat myself to something tonight. I'm gonna order steak. Cause I still have to work. I was gonna try to go somewhere to eat, but it was getting, it was so late.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:02Theo Von?

  And I was like, and they sent it and I was like, huh?

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  No, no, you can't.

• 1:25:05Theo Von?

  It made me fuck him. When you do that kind of shit, like you turn into your own chiropractor and shit.

• 1:25:10Speaker 01

  See, I wouldn't get upset. Like, once it was bad, I have no problem switching foods. Like I would go to right to peanut butter and jelly and I would make a massive sandwich.

• 1:25:19Theo Von?

  God, they was, now those are good. They, I guess they're as good when you're a kid, but I just quit eating them years ago.

• 1:25:24Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:25:25Theo Von?

  Peanut butter jelly.

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:25:26Theo Von?

  You still eat them?

• 1:25:26Speaker 01

  Yes, I do. Yes, I do. What is your ratio of peanut butter to jelly?

• 1:25:31Theo Von?

  Oh, I used to think, oh, I think I go thick on both. And I'll put, if I'm really gonna have one, I haven't had one in years, but I would put butter on the jelly side as well. Butter, jelly, and then the other bread has peanut butter on it. My grandmother used to do that.

• 1:25:45Speaker 01

  Toast or no?

• 1:25:46Theo Von?

  No, sometimes my mom used to grill them with bananas in them though.

• 1:25:50Speaker 01

  That's insane. I'm stuck on butter right now. Like my mind is going, like a beautiful mind right now. It's seeing all the equations of like, why I didn't do it? But I gotta tell you, first of all, I go much thicker peanut butter. Like, I thick it up.

• 1:26:04Theo Von?

  Oh, really? It's a lot?

• 1:26:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:05Theo Von?

  You just choke a little.

• 1:26:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fine. I get it down. And then it's worth it, though. And I get a little jelly in there just to get that sweet going, but it's a big one. And I'll do toast sometimes, but if you do too hot of a toast, I know this is a little bit too much information, but then you get the wet peanut, like it melts and it comes right out, squeezes out the side.

• 1:26:24Theo Von?

  How do you feel when peanut butter started doing that thing a few years ago where they was like, they put just two parts of peanut butter into a jar? It's like the oil and the part they separate.

• 1:26:31Speaker 01

  No, I can't stand that.

• 1:26:32Theo Von?

  That's insane.

• 1:26:32Speaker 01

  I can't stand that.

• 1:26:33Theo Von?

  What is that?

• 1:26:34Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't do it. Like, I, I don't wanna do the skip. Yeah, there you go. That's the drip. There you go. That drip is good, but if it's, if it goes out of the sandwich, it's useless.

• 1:26:41Theo Von?

  And you lose it.

• 1:26:42Speaker 01

  You lose it. It's like, that could have been in me.

• 1:26:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, god. Yeah, I do miss stuff like that.

• 1:26:47Speaker 01

  I don't like that at all.

• 1:26:48Theo Von?

  I do miss those kid foods, those Lunchables.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Why did you stop? I mean, when you say kid foods, like-

• 1:26:53Theo Von?

  I forgot about it.

• 1:26:54Speaker 01

  They're foods. They don't, I mean, macaroni and cheese with the, the Kraft, like that, with the powder, it never stops. Why, when do you go, what, at what age is it appropriate to go, "I'm not eating the powdered cheese"?

• 1:27:06Theo Von?

  Something happened to me, I guess. I just, I don't know. I just, I just started, you know what? I just like working so much. I just don't think about food that much. But maybe this'll start, you know? Maybe I'll start falling in love with some new things, you know?

• 1:27:19Speaker 01

  I would like to go the other way. I would love to be like that. I wish I had that, where I wasn't thinking about it so much.

• 1:27:23Theo Von?

  What's gonna be the toughest part for you with the, with the, uh, with this coming up, uh, change? I know you gotta get out of here. What's gonna be the toughest part?

• 1:27:29Speaker 01

  It's just gonna be the food. It is. It's gonna be cutting that out, uh, being, but once I get into a groove, it's routine. Routine and discipline, man. That's all it'll, ever it is, right? So if you do it a little bit and you do it enough and, and, and, you know, you don't need a perfect every day, but that's the other thing, too. I let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Which means if I'm not perfect that day, I go, screw it, and I eat like crazy that night and I blow it and I, you know, if I get a flat tire, Wyman always says, you always, you know, if you get one flat, you, you just pop the other three tires. Like, you know, you don't, you don't just fix that one. I do. Like, so if I go off my diet a little bit, I go out that night, I'm eating, drinking, having a blast, and I'm like, I'll start tomorrow. Cause it's a fresh start that I'm looking for.

• 1:28:09Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:28:09Speaker 01

  I love that start fresh, cause I've always been that guy. I've always been the guy to never do the homework, you know, but when I should, it's Monday morning, I get it done. And then I get it, it's like, and it's like, cause I can do it.

• 1:28:19Theo Von?

  That's the same. Dude, yeah, I was always the guy, wrote every answer on my finger I go in there.

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  Yes. Yes.

• 1:28:25Theo Von?

  Like that, little bitty words on there?

• 1:28:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:27Theo Von?

  Cheating. Um, well dude, thanks so much for Solomio, man. Thanks for all the entertainment of the year. Sorry, I was a little bit tired today.

• 1:28:33Speaker 01

  No, I'm, I'm sorry. I was, I'm, I'm a little weak too. And I said a lot of things that I rambled for a while that if you want to cut out, you can cut out because I was a little bouncy.

• 1:28:42Theo Von?

  Dude, I, yeah, I don't know. I just didn't feel like I didn't have a lot of gasoline in me today, but sometimes that's the day, man.

• 1:28:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:48Theo Von?

  You know?

• 1:28:49Speaker 01

  It was great. You were great.

• 1:28:50Theo Von?

  But I'm grateful that we got to spend some time together, man. I really am. And thanks for all the entertainment over the years and, um,

• 1:28:55Speaker 01

  Thank you for Sol- Sol- Solomio. Solomio, right?

• 1:29:00Theo Von?

  Salamio.

• 1:29:00Speaker 01

  Salamio.

• 1:29:02Theo Von?

  But thank you.

• 1:29:03Speaker 01

  It's Salamio. I gotta remember that. Okay.

• 1:29:06Theo Von?

  Thank you for Solomio.

• 1:29:08Speaker 01

  Yes. Okay. That, we're, that's even.

• 1:29:11Theo Von?

  And there's, um, there's a, there's a musical on some, you wouldn't even imagine that this happens in this movie. That's great.

• 1:29:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:17Theo Von?

  And that guy's blind, you know it?

• 1:29:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:20Theo Von?

  I didn't know. Finally, I'm looking, I'm looking at him like this guy is fucking nonchalant. You know, about everything. And then I'm like, oh, this guy's fucking blind or whatever. My friend's blind.

• 1:29:31Speaker 01

  You have a friend that's blind?

• 1:29:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:33Speaker 01

  How, how blind? Like completely?

• 1:29:35Theo Von?

  Nothing. It's all.

• 1:29:36Speaker 01

  But has, has he always been that way?

• 1:29:38Theo Von?

  Yeah. He's always been blind since he was, uh, yeah. I mean, he could maybe have vision when he was very young, but he's always been blind.

• 1:29:47Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:29:47Theo Von?

  As far, as long as I've known him, he's been blind. I thought it was amazing. Anytime I met somebody with like a deficiency, I always like admired it so much in some way.

• 1:29:55Speaker 01

  My sister lost her sight, like she's like, but she, you know, she was born with sight. She was fine. And now, you know, it's, she's got retinitis pigmentosa where it's like, it goes away and it's, it's, and I'm wondering if it's like more difficult to have seen or to never have, you know, and, and just know, it's just, yeah, I, my heart goes out to all of them.

• 1:30:14Theo Von?

  We had a blind girl on here one time and she was talking about how she like learns things, like it's almost like a video game.

• 1:30:19Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:30:19Theo Von?

  It's like, that's how she kind of remembers things and where to go and different like, and so like she can slowly build like spaces to like walk in and things like that, she said. Um, and then she said the worst animal that she's, she's like petted all kinds of animals except a snake doesn't give any energy back to the blind. That's what she said.

• 1:30:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, it doesn't give any back to the seeing either.

• 1:30:39Theo Von?

  Yeah. That's what I said.

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:30:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, 100%. Tonja.

• 1:30:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:44Theo Von?

  Right there. Long person.

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  Wow, that's really... That's cool, man, you can feel it.

• 1:30:49Theo Von?

  She's awesome, I gotta check back in with her. But, um... Yeah, guys, go see Solo Mio, uh, you'll enjoy it, take your lady.

• 1:30:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:57Theo Von?

  Take your man, take whoever you got, take your son. Take your stepson, that's who needs you.

• 1:31:01Speaker 01

  Yes. Bring your stepson.

• 1:31:03Theo Von?

  Take your frickin' stepson, dude.

• 1:31:05Speaker 01

  Take your stepson.

• 1:31:06Theo Von?

  You never taking that kid anywhere.

• 1:31:07Speaker 01

  That's all I want, stepsons in free, we should do the whole thing, right?

• 1:31:10Theo Von?

  Oh dude, yeah.

• 1:31:11Speaker 01

  Right? Stepsons get in free. I wonder if Angel could work that out?

• 1:31:14Theo Von?

  And blinds get in free.

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  Sure, absolutely. Let's do it. I appreciate you, man.

• 1:31:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, you too, man, thank you so much.

• 1:31:22Speaker 01

  Appreciate it.