As I Lay Dying: Are Phonies Running the Christian Metal Scene?

As I Lay Dying was one of the pillars of Christian metal when the genre crossed over to the mainstream in the 2000s. And then their frontman, Tim Lambesis, tried to hire a hitman to murder his wife. But shockingly, that’s not where the story ends. What happened after Lambesis’ release from prison involved lies, loss of faith, shocking home security video footage, and a burning question: was the Christian metal scene full of non-Christians? This episode contains content that may be disturbing to some listeners, and includes descriptions of domestic violence, self-harm, and child sexual abuse materials. To listen to Disgraceland ad free and get access to exclusive bonus content and more, become a Disgraceland All Access member at disgracelandpod.com/membership https://disgracelandpod.com/membership. Sign up for our newsletter and get the inside dirt on events, merch and other awesomeness - GET THE NEWSLETTER https://mailchi.mp/doubleelvis/disgraceland-email-newsletter Follow Jake and DISGRACELAND: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/disgracelandpod/ YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@disgracelandpod X https://twitter.com/disgracelandpod (formerly Twitter) Facebook Fan Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/491024204626127/ TikTok https://tiktok.com/disgracelandpod To see the full list of contributors, see the show notes at www.disgracelandpod.com https://disgracelandpod.com/. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Cash Flow Crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds up to $200,000 right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 0:44Speaker 01

  Hi, I'm Cyndi Lauper, Cosentyx's lead detective in the new mystery series, Unpredictable Symptom Squad. My team and I are on a curious case to gather clues about plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, and learn how Cosentyx treats both, and can help stop further joint damage in psoriatic arthritis.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  Cosentyx secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis and adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if allergic to Cosentyx. Get checked for TB before starting. Increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur, like TB or other serious bacterial, fungal, or viral infections. Some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or plan to, or if IBD symptoms develop or worsen. Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema-like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSENTIX or cosentyx.com.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Don't let mysterious symptoms go unsolved. Talk to your doctor about Cosentyx.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  This episode contains content that may be disturbing to some listeners. Please check the show notes for more information.

• 1:50Jake Brennan?

  Disgrace Land is a production of Double Elvis.

• 2:04Jake Brennan?

  This is a story about charlatans in the Christian metal community. It's about the frontman of a prominent Christian metal band who tried to hire a hitman to murder his wife. A man who squandered a second chance and whose continued violent and shocking transgressions were caught on camera. And this is a story that's also about forgiveness. It's about redemption. It's about losing your faith. And about whether or not an entire music genre built upon faith is, in fact, now populated by phonies. Because this is a story about Tim Lambesis, a notorious frontman from a Christian metal band called As I Lay Dying.

• 2:49Jake Brennan?

  A band that I don't believe made great music, but you might, and I'm not going to judge you for it. Either way, it's not anything like the music that I played for you at the top of the show. That wasn't great music. That was a preset loop from my Mellotron called Jacked and Juiced MK1. I played you that loop because I can't afford the rights to "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink featuring Nate Reese. And why would I play you that specific slice of strangely spelled Reese cheese? Could I afford it? Because that was the number one song in America on May 7, 2013. And that was the day that As I Lay Dying frontman, Tim Lambesis, walked into a Barnes

• 3:30Jake Brennan?

  and Noble, thinking he was hiring a hitman to murder his wife, when in fact, he was walking into a San Diego Sheriff's Department sting operation. On this episode, fake hitmen and phony Christians, second chances, lost faith, charlatans, and As I Lay Dying. I'm Jake Brennan, and this is Disgrace Land.

• 4:08Jake Brennan?

  In 2014, Tim Lambesis, frontman for the Christian metalcore band As I Lay Dying, gave an interview to Alternative Press magazine in which he positioned himself as an unlikely whistleblower. Now, in this interview, Lambesis made the claim that the Christian metal circuit, the collection of bands whose Christian faith is a driving force in their music and their identity, the scene that As I Lay Dying had been part of for years, was nothing more than a fraud. "In 12 years of touring with As I Lay Dying," Lambesis said, "I would say maybe 1 in 10 Christian bands we toured with were actually Christian bands."

• 4:49Jake Brennan?

  Lambesis even outed himself in this interview, saying that he'd stepped away from Christianity years ago, and now identified as an atheist. So imagine that, an atheist fronting one of the biggest Christian metalcore bands in the world. Was Tim Lambesis telling the truth? Is the Christian metal scene full of phony Christians? I should mention that Tim Lambesis gave this interview as he was about to be sentenced for the very un-Christian crime of attempting to hire an undercover cop to murder his estranged wife, Megan Lambesis. You heard that right. Tim Lambesis thought he was hiring a hitman to off his own wife, but instead found himself

• 5:31Jake Brennan?

  caught up in a San Diego Sheriff's Department sting. Solicitation of another to commit murder was the actual charge. But more on that in a minute. Back to this interview with Alternative Press from 2014. In the interview, Tim Lambesis alleges that he wasn't even the first member of As I Lay Dying to lose his faith, that perhaps at least two others had done so before him. He says the band held meetings to discuss whether they should continue the ruse to continue taking money from the Christian market, as he puts it. And Lambesis also describes some awkward moments with fans, Christian fans who would ask to pray with him.

• 6:13Jake Brennan?

  Lambesis says he wouldn't actually pray along with them, but that he'd let them think he was praying. He'd say amen when they finished and all that, but in the end, he was nothing more than a non-believer with a shoulder to lean on and a dollar to make. So again, I ask you, was Tim Lambesis, a man facing up to nine years in prison, telling the truth? And is the Christian metal scene, which includes Lambesis's band, As I Lay Dying, full of phony Christians? As I Lay Dying stands as one of the most successful acts in metalcore, an intense musical subgenre which fuses heavy metal and hardcore punk rock. And though they are named for the 1930s southern gothic novel of the same name by

• 6:55Jake Brennan?

  William Faulkner, As I Lay Dying has nothing in common with any work of classic literature. The San Diego-based group went through some lineup changes early on, but by the end of 2006, the year that Revolver magazine hailed Christian metal as "the phenomenon of the year," As I Lay Dying's lineup included Lambesis, drummer Jordan Mancino, bassist Josh Gilbert, and guitarist Nick Hippe and Phil Scroso. In 2007, the group's fourth studio album, An Ocean Between Us, released on Metal Blade Records, peaked at number eight on the Billboard album chart. That album's first single, Nothing Left, with its rapid-fire, heart-pounding drums

• 7:36Jake Brennan?

  and squealing guitars, along with Lambesis's trademark guttural scream, was even nominated for a Grammy Award in the Best Metal Performance category. The 2000s were a huge decade for As I Lay Dying in particular, and for the Christian metal scene in general. Christian metal bands like POD and Under Oath were crossing over into the mainstream, playing Ozfest and the Warped Tour. Heaven's Metal, a fanzine for Christian rock and culture, which had since changed its name to simply HM, reverted back to its original, unambiguous name. It was a validating moment for Christian metal, and a hard-fought one, too, because

• 8:16Jake Brennan?

  only years earlier, many fans had seen Christian metal as nothing but a joke. If you think about it, the entire concept of Christian metal seeks to reclaim a style of music that was deemed "satanic" by many in the church. In the 1980s, televangelists searched in vain for evil backwards messages in the music of OG metal bands like Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. But also in the 80s, one of the earliest mainstream Christian metal bands, Striper, met with dirty looks from conventional metalheads, rocking out to Motley Crue, Rat, and Dokken. Not me, though. I was into Striper. And you know, they're goofy, they had their matching outfits, and their, I don't know,

• 8:59Jake Brennan?

  I want to say uncool songs, but I liked To Hell With the Devil, okay? I just did. I think I liked that whole yellow and black thing Striper had going on. Anyways, by the end of the 20th century, the goofiness that Striper seemed to embody had been driven out of the Christian metal scene and replaced by darker, heavier vibes. Simultaneously, major mainstream rock bands who didn't outwardly market themselves as Christian bands, bands like U2, were couching Christian imagery in the themes of their music. So by the 2000s, this whole thing, this whole Christian thing, this whole Christian scene blew open, the scene got larger, and the scene had hardcore fans.

• 9:42Jake Brennan?

  Fans who were fans because bands like As I Lay Dying were Christian. That was the whole hook, being Christian. But Tim Lambesis was living a lie. He had long since lost his faith. He was not the Christian he once was, and if he is to be believed, neither were the other guys in his band. Still, As I Lay Dying carried on, crossing over, touring, not only with other Christian metal luminaries like Demon Hunter, but also with the likes of Motorhead, Anthrax, Slipknot, and Slayer. Make that make sense. All the while, Lambesis kept his secret close to his vest, so as not to lose the good faith of the loyal Christian metal community.

• 10:23Jake Brennan?

  But faith was an all Tim Lambesis had lost. By 2013, he was separated from his wife, Megan. According to Lambesis, he was not allowed to see the three young children he'd adopted with Megan as often as he would like. And then there was a looming divorce. Once that was finalized, Lambesis would likely see even less of the kids while being made to fork over up to 60% of his income to his ex. If Tim Lambesis had still been a believer, then this is when he would have fallen to his knees, clasped his hands together, and asked God why he'd been forsaken. He may have even appealed to God for guidance for a way out of this mess. But Tim Lambesis had no faith. He had no wife.

• 11:08Jake Brennan?

  He had no family. And a man who has lost all that will do just about anything to avoid his unwanted fate.

• 11:18Jake Brennan?

  Tim Lambesis walked confidently into the Barnes & Noble in Oceanside, California. Within seconds, he found the man he knew only as Red, even though he'd never laid eyes on the guy. But Red looked exactly like what Lambesis had been told to expect. Long beard, pierced ears, older and grizzled, some real dyed-in-the-wool Southern California biker vibes. Red was a fixer. Red was a problem solver. Red was the guy who did the dirty work and got paid handsomely for the pleasure. To that end, Tim Lambesis had $1,000 in cash waiting in his Jeep out in the parking

• 11:56Jake Brennan?

  lot as a down payment for what he was hiring Red to do: kill his estranged wife, Megan. He got Red's contact info from someone at the gym. Lambesis had been asking around. He needed a trigger man, someone who could go to her house, in and out like a stiff breeze off the coast, and make it look like a robbery gone wrong. Finding someone was easier than he thought, and cheaper, too. Twenty grand, all in. Red was a man of few words. He asked Lambesis if he had the $1,000 down payment. Lambesis nodded yes. He also had some photos, a description of Megan's vehicle, her address, and the pass code to get inside her house.

• 12:40Jake Brennan?

  Lambesis was careful how he spoke. It was always, "I want her gone." He didn't use words like murder or kill because people listened and people talked. But outside, after he'd retrieved a file folder from his black Jeep that contained the money, the address, the code, all that, and after he passed the folder off to Red, Lambesis couldn't help himself. He was casually walking away when he stopped, turned around, made sure no one else was nearby, and then looked red in the eye and said, "Just to clarify, just so you know, I want her dead." It was May 7, 2013, and that was the day that Tim Lambesis discovered that the man

• 13:23Jake Brennan?

  he knew as Red was actually an undercover San Diego County Sheriff's Deputy, who was now placing the frontman of the Christian metal band As I Lay Dying under arrest for solicitation of another to commit murder.

• 13:59Speaker 05

  Cash flow crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds up to $200,000 right when you need it. Cover, seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Hi, I'm Cindy Lauper, Cosentyx's lead detective in the new mystery series, Unpredictable Symptom Squad. My team and I are on a curious case to gather clues about plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, and to learn how Cosentyx treats both, and can help stop further joint damage in psoriatic arthritis. Join Michelle Bernstein... Wow, I didn't even know this place was here. Gary...

• 15:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, it makes sense. Something mysterious would happen here.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  And me, as we team up with the experts, Dr. Farley and Dr. Panico, who help us uncover the truth about these suspicious symptoms. Connect the dots and crack the case. Talking to your doctor about your symptoms can make all the difference. Don't let mysterious symptoms go unsolved.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Cosentyx secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis and adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if allergic to Cosentyx. Get checked for TB before starting. Increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur, like TB or other serious bacterial, fungal, or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or planned to, or if IBD symptoms develop or worsen. Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema-like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSENTIX or cosentyx.com.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Discover Cosentyx for plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Watch the full mystery series, Unpredictable Symptom Squad, at cosentyx.com.

• 16:32Jake Brennan?

  For attempting to hire an undercover cop to murder his wife in 2014, Tim Lambesis was sentenced to six years in a California prison. At his trial, Claudia Grasso, a deputy San Diego District Attorney, revealed that Lambesis had sent emails to his wife Megan in which he wrote that he no longer believed in God and wanted to end their marriage. And in divorce papers, Megan described a man who had become an irresponsible father, an unfaithful husband, and a gym rat who was more concerned with bodybuilding than he was with his own family. Later, former 80s metal veteran and Dokken guitarist George Lynch, whose daughter was

• 17:13Jake Brennan?

  engaged for a time to As I Lay Dying guitarist Nick Hippe, would go so far as to allege that Lambesis had gotten himself mixed up with, quote, "cocaine, strippers, heroin, and steroids," unquote. Lambesis's defense attorney did admit that steroid use had clouded his client's judgment. But the same attorney claimed that Lambesis never actually intended for Megan to be harmed, and that he had in some way been set up by a third party who had reason to vilify him. I think it's pretty clear, based on the evidence, that Lambesis and Lambesis alone was behind this. I mean, the sheriff's deputy posing as Red, the hitman, got their entire interaction on tape.

• 17:57Jake Brennan?

  But whether or not steroids had, quote, "clouded his judgment," unquote, Lambesis found himself at what he thought was rock bottom, the lowest of lows. And there, at the bottom, about to be carted off to prison, he had that moment of clarity that one can access when they hit rock bottom. A moment in which Tim Lambesis decided to reveal what he claimed to be the truth about the Christian metal scene. But then, his own band went ahead and did the most Christian thing ever. Because when Tim Lambesis was released from prison in December 2016 after serving less than half of his sentence, the rest of As I Lay Dying forgave him, and the band got

• 18:41Jake Brennan?

  back together. The comeback was polarizing, to say the least. The reception surrounding As I Lay Dying's 2019 album, Shaped by Fire, their first since reuniting with their frontman, Tim Lambesis, was anything but lukewarm. It was hot, and it was cold. It was either or. Either you were psyched that this band was back, or you were pissed that Lambesis wasn't still rotting in a cell. Either you turned the other cheek, like the rest of the guys in the band somehow managed to do, or you did not forgive and you did not forget. And what about the rest of the Christian metal community?

• 19:23Jake Brennan?

  What about the scene that had nurtured As I Lay Dying from the start? The same scene that Tim Lambesis had since called out as phony? Disillusionment and disappointment went hand in hand. Many media outlets refused to cover the album, but those that did, did so with goodwill. The online music magazine Loudwire named Shaped by Fire one of the year's 50 best metal albums. Commercially, it did pretty well, too, peaking at number 50 on the Billboard 200 and number three on the Hard Rock Albums chart. Should we be surprised by this? Should we be surprised that an album by a man who'd lost his faith and tried to have his wife murdered was positively received by a large number of critics and fans? No.

• 20:08Jake Brennan?

  Because people compartmentalize. People say, "Tim Lambesis did something terrible, but he's changed. And look, he got remarried while he was incarcerated. Someone loves this guy, so he must be all right." People also mythologize. They say, "Tim Lambesis did something terrible, and somehow that makes him even more rock and roll, and that's metal as fuck." And people love a redemption story, as in, "Tim Lambesis did something terrible, but he has seen the error of his ways, and he has overcome his demons, and we love him more because of it." Besides, Tim Lambesis was hardly the first rock star to do something truly deplorable, only to be forgiven, even rewarded, by his fans.

• 20:50Jake Brennan?

  In 1984, Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil drunkenly steered his Ford Pantera into oncoming traffic, crashing head-on into two cars, leaving the driver of one of those cars, an 18-year-old girl with brain damage, and killing Neil's passenger, Hanoi Rocks drummer Nicholas Dazzle Ringley. Three years later, Motley Crue released their album Girls, Girls, Girls, which sold over 4 million copies. In 1989, Ozzy Osbourne tried to strangle his wife and manager Sharon Osbourne and was arrested for attempted murder. Two years later, all was forgiven when he released his acclaimed album, No More Tears, one of the biggest records of his career, which included the massive single Mama, I'm Coming Home, and went on to go quadruple platinum.

• 21:35Jake Brennan?

  There was precedent for this sort of thing, just like Tim Lambesis set a new precedent when he talked about the phoniness of the Christian metal scene. Because once that was out there, a sense of doubt came creeping out of the woodwork, and it was right in the pages of Heaven's Metal Magazine, or HM Magazine. In a 2013 interview with the publication, J.B. Brubaker of the Christian metalcore band August Burns Red talked about the baggage decaying with being labeled "a Christian band," and how it put you under the microscope, and how it sometimes feels like people are just waiting for you to screw up so they can call you up. In a 2016 interview with the same magazine, Steve Cabucci of the band Wolves at the Gate

• 22:16Jake Brennan?

  talked about the palpable shift happening in the scene, and how the Christian metal community was quickly becoming perceived as disingenuous. "Anti-Christianity," as he put it, "was the new cool." And in a 2017 interview with Heaven's Metal, Tyler Riley of the band Gideon confessed that "Christian circuits and Christian music festivals were too limiting," and that "it felt weird to be admired by a fanbase that admired you for your religious beliefs alone." As of 2019, Gideon no longer identifies as a Christian band. And at the end of the day, Tim Lambesis and "As I Lay Dying" just wanted to continue as a band that was judged and accepted on their own musical merit, not because of their

• 23:01Jake Brennan?

  allegiance to any particular subgenre or belief. Lambesis in particular stated that "he wanted to make amends where possible, express my remorse, and just put my energy into something positive." But the dual controversies of Lambesis's words and actions did not wash away as easily as some other sins. These things clung to the band like a noxious odor. "As I Lay Dying" were finding themselves lepers not only in Christian metal circles, but in the mainstream as well. Most notably, they were dropped from the wildly popular Resurrection Fest, an annual music festival in Spain for major metal, hardcore, and punk bands.

• 23:41Jake Brennan?

  And that's when members of "As I Lay Dying" began dropping out too. In 2020, "As I Lay Dying" guitarist Nick Hippe left the band. It had been three years, give or take, since frontman Tim Lambesis had been released from prison, and one year since the release of "As I Lay Dying's" comeback album. Then, just two years later, in 2022, both bass player Josh Gilbert and founding drummer Jordan Mancino also stepped down from their roles in the band. And this left only Lambesis and guitarist Phil Scroso in the band. It also left many unanswered questions. Questions like, "What the hell is going on here?"

• 24:25Jake Brennan?

  "Why did the majority of 'As I Lay Dying's' lineup quit in such a short period of time?" And "What did it have to do with their problematic frontman?" Lambesis would soon hire replacements and keep "As I Lay Dying" moving forward. Even still, this only created more questions and more rumors. Rumors that Tim Lambesis's so-called redemption, how he supposedly pulled himself up from a humiliating fall from grace, it was all as phony as the Christian metal scene that he once described. And the statements given by "As I Lay Dying's" departed members would serve as a premonition of sorts, a glimpse of the darkness to lay ahead in the coming days and months.

• 25:08Speaker 05

  We'll be right back after this word, word, word. OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Hi, I'm Cyndi Lauper, Cosentyx's lead detective in the new mystery series, Unpredictable Symptoms Squad. My team and I are on a curious case to gather clues about plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, and to learn how Cosentyx treats both, and can help stop further joint damage in psoriatic arthritis. Join Michelle Bernstein... Wow, I didn't even know this place was here. Gary...

• 26:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, it makes sense. Something mysterious would happen here.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  And me, as we team up with the experts, Dr. Farley and Dr. Panico, who help us uncover the truth about these suspicious symptoms. Connect the dots and crack the case. Talking to your doctor about your symptoms can make all the difference. Don't let mysterious symptoms go unsolved.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Cosentyx secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis and adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if allergic to Cosentyx. Get checked for TB before starting. Increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like TB or other serious bacterial, fungal, or viral infections, some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or plan to, or if IBD symptoms develop or worsen. Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema-like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSENTIX or cosentyx.com.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Discover Cosentyx for plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  Watch the full mystery series, Unpredictable Symptoms Squad, at cosentyx.com.

• 27:42Jake Brennan?

  When guitarist Nick Hippe parted ways with "As I Lay Dying" in 2020, he posted a long statement on Instagram, part of which read, "Respectfully, I left because the story and meaning we built our reunion upon decayed considerably over time." In 2022, when drummer Jordan Mancino left the band, he also took to Instagram writing, "There have been a number of ongoing internal issues with 'As I Lay Dying' that need to be worked out." Tim Lambesis and the "As I Lay Dying" camp responded publicly to Mancino's claims of internal issues by alleging that for two years straight, Mancino had excommunicated

• 28:23Jake Brennan?

  himself from the rest of the group and had been speaking with them only through lawyers. Whether or not this is true, what is true is that three of the five members of "As I Lay Dying" walked away, leaving Lambesis and Phil Scroso behind. And if I'm putting money on who's the issue here, I'm putting it on the one guy who tried to have his wife murdered. Despite all this, Lambesis managed to find other musicians who were willing to play in this controversial group. Ryan Neff from the band Miss May joined on bass, and guitarist Ken Soucie and drummer Nick Pierce, both formerly of the band On Earth, signed on as well. Soon, "As I Lay Dying" were prepping a new album and plotting a tour of Europe.

• 29:06Jake Brennan?

  But apostasy, loss of faith, continued to be a theme that resonated within the ranks of "As I Lay Dying." And I'm not talking about Tim Lambesis's personal loss of faith. I'm talking about the ongoing loss of faith that other members of "As I Lay Dying" had with Tim Lambesis. It was supposed to be another reset, another shot at redemption's shiny brass ring. It was the fall of 2024, and "As I Lay Dying" had a largely new lineup. They had a new album, "Through Storms Ahead," scheduled for release, and they had a new tour on the horizon. But only weeks before the new album was even out, in October, newcomer Ryan Neff quit.

• 29:49Jake Brennan?

  And then, just six days after that, Ken Soucie and Nick Pierce also quit. And by the end of the month, Phil Scroso, who had stayed in the band through thick and thin with Lambesis all these years, finally threw in the towel as well. So what happened? Nick Pierce said he felt compelled to distance himself from the band, quote, "in an effort to retain my personal health and integrity," unquote. Ken Soucie said that his, quote, "morals" had reached a, quote, "breaking point." Personal health, integrity, morals, a breaking point. This version of the band had barely been together two years, and they were imploding in dramatic fashion. Why? Rumors surfacing online speculated that allegations of domestic abuse against Tim Lambesis would

• 30:34Jake Brennan?

  soon break, and that this is likely the straw that broke the camel's back when it came to the loyalty of Lambesis's new band members. These rumors were so loud that Lambesis's third and current wife, Dani Ciara, felt compelled to speak publicly on her Instagram. In a post from October 24, 2024, Dani wrote, "I want to make it unequivocally clear that these allegations are completely false." Dani Ciara's denial of domestic violence was taken at face value for about a month, until late November 2024, around Thanksgiving, when the videos began to leak online.

• 31:13Jake Brennan?

  Security camera footage from inside the home of Tim Lambesis and Danny Ciara anonymously surfaced online near the end of 2024. And what can be seen in these clips is pretty disturbing. In one video, which appears to take place on an outdoor patio, Lambesis suddenly flips over the table that Danny is sitting at. And as she walks away, Lambesis follows, grabs her, turns her around to face him, trapping her in the corner of the patio. And this is the crazy part. This huge, muscle-bound man starts to repeatedly punch himself in the head with both fists, yelling, "Please love me, please love me," over and over.

• 31:55Jake Brennan?

  In another video, the couple appears to be in their bedroom. There's no sound in this one, but a shirtless Lambesis lunges at Danny, who is sitting up in bed, and he appears to violently pin her just outside the camera frame. And when he lets her go, he jumps up, his body vibrating, yelling at her before sitting back down on the bed, grabbing her face with his hands, and then, yes, once again, pummeling himself in the head with his fists. As the metalcore community reacted online to what they were seeing, Tim Lambesis defended himself by releasing his own statement. In this missive, Lambesis claimed that he was the victim, and that the leaked videos were attempts at retaliation over his initiating

• 32:38Jake Brennan?

  a divorce. He further stated that a domestic violence investigation was being launched not against him, but against his wife, Danny, and that she had verbally and mentally abused him for years, and that he even had video evidence of Danny assaulting him. Of course, none of this supposed evidence ever saw the light of day, because there was no evidence to the contrary. But there was plenty more evidence to come in the case against Tim Lambesis. In early 2025, another clip of home security camera footage leaked, this time appearing to show Tim Lambesis abusing his wife's dog. As tens of thousands of signatures were being

• 33:22Jake Brennan?

  collected for an online petition to investigate Lambesis for animal abuse, his former bandmate Ken Soucie appeared on a podcast called Brutally Speaking to talk about another video. This particular video had been captured a while back on a security camera at Ken Soucie's house, but had been kept a secret until now. According to Soucie, this video is the reason why he and the rest of As I Lay Dying quit the band. Because, as Ken Soucie would allege, this video showed Tim Lambesis inside Soucie's house abusing his wife, Danny Ciara, by cornering her and spitting in her face.

• 34:00Jake Brennan?

  Danny denied leaking any of the videos online. In fact, she asked whoever was doing so to stop. But she did use this opportunity to finally walk back the previous statement she'd made, in which she had said, "I want to make it unequivocally clear that these allegations are completely false." Now it was time for the truth. Once again, posting on Instagram, Danny alleged that she had been coerced by Tim Lambesis and his management into denying any allegations of abuse. The reason given was to protect his career and public image. She said she even had proof of this coercion. She also accused Lambesis

• 34:41Jake Brennan?

  of intimidation and bribery, and said incredibly that he wanted her to sign an NDA as part of their divorce so that she couldn't talk shit about him afterward, which clearly she did not sign, because, just like Ken Soucie, Danny Ciara was talking. And the world was now seeing Tim Lambesis for what he really was, which is to say, the thing he'd been all along. He could see it so clearly now. It was as though the heavens parted and the sun came shining through, like rushing water overwhelms a break in the dam. Standing before him, a reflection of himself, looking back with empathy, looking at his double, looking at

• 35:24Jake Brennan?

  a man who had done a horrible thing. This reflection had the same topography of muscles and the same jungle of tattoos, the same fire in his eyes, except this version was something he was not. This reflection was one of a rehabilitated man, a man who'd made amends, found peace, and been redeemed. Unlike this reflection, redemption for him remained an oasis in the desert. So why was he being shown this vision? To mock him? Or to give him strength to carry on? There were people who would never forgive him, and there was nothing he could do about that. But unless he wanted to lose everything, he knew he

• 36:07Jake Brennan?

  had to do something, no matter how drastic. So he stole the reflection. He assumed its form, and told everyone it was actually him. That this was a changed man, that even though he no longer subscribed to their faith, they could have faith in him. But the ruse was weak, and the reflection was something that only he could see. No one could see his redemption or his rehabilitation. All anyone could see was what was beneath that false exterior, the man he truly was, a charlatan.

• 36:42Jake Brennan?

  When As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis confessed back in 2014 that he had lost his faith and simultaneously revealed that the Christian metal scene was, so he said, "made up of phony nonbelievers," it took a lot of fans by surprise. Perhaps it shouldn't have. After all, this is coming from a 30-something-year-old man who was confined to his parents'

• 37:23Jake Brennan?

  house with a GPS monitor stuck to his ankle, waiting to be sentenced for trying to hire who he thought was a hitman to murder his then-wife. Is it possible that Lambesis wanted to stir up some shit as he was being taken down and thus take everyone down with him? Misery-loving company, you know what I'm saying? Well, of course, that's possible. But, listen, losing your faith, going through periods of great doubt, this is something that every believer goes through. Look up the story of Thomas the Apostle in the Bible. Even priests lose their faith. Martin Scorsese has made an entire 50-plus-year career out of this very subject. It's okay to doubt, because doubting is natural, even amongst the most

• 38:04Jake Brennan?

  faithful. It's okay for your faith to become unsteady. And if it's cool for a priest to lose his faith or confront the lack of faith, it's cool for an entire music community, a community like the Christian metal scene, to question their faith as well. But that doesn't necessarily make it phony or corrupt. What does make one phony or corrupt is to be a fraud, F for fake, someone who is willing to do anything in order to keep themselves in the spotlight, someone who will lie and cheat and manipulate and distort the narrative so that it'll reflect favorably upon them. Which, as people such as Ken Soucie and Danny Ciara have alleged, is exactly what Tim Lambesis has done. And that's not even the craziest

• 38:49Jake Brennan?

  part of this story. It was December of 2025, and Tim Lambesis had managed to convince four new musicians to join As I Lay Dying and head out on tour in the new year. Only this tour would take them to one of the few places left on the world map that would actually have them: Russia. And this is not to say that Russia was the only place that would book the infamous As I Lay Dying, but Russia is where Lambesis and his new crew had chosen to make their live debut two months earlier, in October of 2025. And after a few shows in Slovenia, Italy, Austria, Germany, and the Netherlands, Russia is where they plan to return for 10

• 39:33Jake Brennan?

  dates in March of 2026. This was a highly unorthodox move, not to mention a highly frowned-upon move, because ever since Russia's invasion of Ukraine, a large majority of American and Western bands have deliberately avoided performing in that country altogether. And it was around the exact same time that As I Lay Dying announced their return to Russia in December 2025, that Lambesis's ex-wife, Danny Ciara, appeared as a guest on the Brutally Speaking podcast, the same show that Ken Soucie had appeared on months earlier. And just like Ken Soucie, Danny had a bombshell or two to drop, which somehow

• 40:14Jake Brennan?

  turned out to be some of the most insane revelations in this entire saga. At first, she talks to host John Beatty about her whirlwind courtship with Lambesis, the bliss of those first dates, how he swept her off her feet, and how they married just weeks after meeting. But only six months into their marriage, as Danny tells it, Lambesis had been unfaithful. She describes the day she found out as "the worst day of my life," and this led to arguments and violent outbursts from Lambesis, which Danny attributed to his regular steroid use. Danny doesn't deny screaming at Lambesis during their arguments. This was a guy who had cheated on his new wife, and she was pissed off about it, and she had every right

• 40:55Jake Brennan?

  to be pissed off, and every right to scream at him. But Danny alleges that Lambesis then took that security camera footage of their fights, manipulated it by removing the audio, and emailed the silent video clips to the rest of the band, thinking that he could spin the truth and convince everyone that she was verbally or emotionally abusing him, when in reality, she was just calling him out for being a shitty husband. Now, the weird thing is that, as Danny tells it, Lambesis sent this footage to the guys in As I Lay Dying using some dummy email address, so that it looked like it was coming from a third party. How was this supposed to help make Lambesis look innocent? I don't know.

• 41:39Jake Brennan?

  But all it did was raise more flags, because there was no doubt in anyone's mind that the email came from Tim Lambesis. According to Danny, he later admitted to sending that email and said he's just trying to salvage his career. But one of the most fucked-up accusations that Danny makes during this nearly four-hour podcast interview about her ex-husband, Tim Lambesis, is something that she stumbled upon while trying to find more evidence of his cheating and lies. She tells the host that she discovered AI-generated porn on Lambesis's smartphone, specifically, as she puts it, "a pic of a kid, like, erect, making out with an adult woman."

• 42:22Jake Brennan?

  She says finding this made her feel disgusting and gross. And when she confronted Lambesis about it, he denied it. Dani Sierra told the Brutally Speaking podcast that she has proof of the AI-generated pornography she found on Tim Lambesis's phone. I don't need to see that because whatever with that. I've seen the leaked camera footage online of Tim Lambesis losing his shit, violently flipping over furniture, grabbing his wife, beating his own head with his fists, and kicking a dog. I've read through the reports of his trial, which cover in great detail the lengths he went to have his first wife, the mother of his three children, murdered.

• 43:04Jake Brennan?

  I've listened to the testimonies of people who witnessed his toxic behavior, people like As I Lay Dying's Ken Soucie and Lambesis's third wife, Dani Sierra. And I've heard what this abusive, manipulative person has had to say about what he perceives to be the phony state of Christian metal. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm prepared to make a judgment about the man. But I'm not prepared to judge the entire music scene. Because consider this, the biggest Christian metal story of this year, 2026, involves one of the bands that As I Lay Dying used to tour with on the Christian metal circuit, Demon Hunter. They made headlines when they sued Netflix for trademark infringement, among other things,

• 43:47Jake Brennan?

  over the streaming service's most-watched film of all time, K-pop Demon Hunters. In the lawsuit, the band says that the title of the film has created substantial confusion in the marketplace. People are buying tickets to Demon Hunter shows, thinking they're going to see K-pop Demon Hunters, and vice versa. Now, Demon Hunter, the Christian metal band, doesn't want any confusion, substantial or otherwise, around who they are. This is a band that proudly wears their Christianity on their sleeve. They're not ambiguous about their beliefs. They're not concerned, as Lambesis has stated in the past, that they will lose fans by aligning with their faith and aligning as standard bearers for the Christian metal scene.

• 44:30Jake Brennan?

  There is nothing phony about Demon Hunter. And I'm not sure we can ever say the same thing about Tim Lambesis and As I Lay Dying ever again. And that's not necessarily because of the music or the music scene. It's because the man is a disgrace. I'm Jake Brennan, and this is Disgraceland.

• 45:05Jake Brennan?

  All right, guys, thanks for checking out this episode of Disgraceland on Tim Lambesis and As I Lay Dying. What do you guys think? The question I'm trying to answer here is, is the Christian metal scene full of charlatans, a bunch of phonies? You heard where I came down on this, but I want to know what you think. I wonder if you have any experience in this scene especially. That's what I'm most interested. Have you gone to these shows? Do you listen to these bands? Are you old school? Were you vibing on Striper back in the day? Are you an As I Lay Dying fan? What do you think of all this? Hit me up, 617-906-6638. Voicemail and text, you want to hear yourself on the next episode of the Afterparty, our bonus episodes, hit me up. You can also email me, [email protected]. Hit me on the socials, at disgracelandpod. Here comes some credits.

• 45:50Jake Brennan?

  Disgraceland was created by yours truly and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis, The Exactly Right Network, and iHeart Podcasts. Credits for this episode can be found on the show notes page at disgracelandpod.com. If you're listening as a Disgraceland All-Access member, thank you for supporting the show. We really appreciate it. And if not, you can become a member right now by going to disgracelandpod.com/membership. Members can listen to every episode of Disgraceland ad-free. Rate and review the show and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and Facebook, at DisgracelandPod, and on YouTube at youtube.com-at-disgracelandpod. Rock-a-roller.

• 46:34Jake Brennan?

  He's a bad, bad man.

• 46:37Speaker 07

  I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast, the true crime comedy podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week, I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper, like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.