BakerMania, Kelce’s New Identity, Cross-Off Teams, Guess the Lines, and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to react to Week 6 of the NFL season, including Baker Mayfield’s MVP case, the Chiefs’ win over the Lions, and more (2:34). Then, they guess the lines for Week 7 (57:24), and close with a special Parent Corner with Jimmy Kimmel (75:55)! Host: Bill SimmonsGuests: Cousin Sal and Jimmy KimmelProducers: Michael Szokoli, Eduardo Ocampo, and Chia Hao Tat Fill your fridge with Michelob ULTRA - the official beer partner of the NBA.https://www.doordash.com/p/play-for-an-ultra ENJOY RESPONSIBLY © 2025 ANHEUSER-BUSCH, MICHELOB ULTRA® LIGHT BEER, ST. LOUIS, MO. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit⁠⁠ www.rg-help.com⁠⁠ to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bill Simmons?

  It's football season and Uber Eats is delivering deals every single day. This week, buy a four-piece signature chicken from Popeyes and get another one free on Uber Eats. When your watch party gets hungry, order in and keep everyone's attention where it matters on the game. Order a four-piece signature chicken from Popeyes. Get another one free. No matter who scores big tonight, you'll score great deals on Uber Eats all season long because it's not football without food. It really isn't. Popeyes offer valid through November 1st. Add eligible menu item to order prior to checkout. Taxes, fees, and terms apply. Product availability varies by region. Exclusions may apply. See app for details.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  I'm pro football Hall of Famer Brian Dawkins, and I lived for a long time with something I did not know the name of. Major depressive disorder. I carry sadness and anger because I thought I could handle it alone, but I couldn't. Now I want to make sure others know that that support is out there. If you're experiencing similar symptoms, talk to a healthcare professional. Visit mddallies.com to watch my story.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Paid partnership with Johnson & Johnson. Brian Dawkins has not prescribed Caplyta lumateperone.

• 1:16Speaker 03

  I needed more from my antidepressant, so my doctor added Caplyta lumateperone, proven to provide greater relief from depression symptoms than an antidepressant alone, building on my progress without starting over. Caplyta is for adults with major depressive disorder when used with an antidepressant and is available by prescription only. Individual results may vary. In clinical trials, weight gain was not common.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  Elderly dementia patients have increased risk of death or stroke. Caplyta is not approved for dementia-related psychosis. Call your doctor about new or sudden mood changes, behaviors, or suicidal thoughts right away. Antidepressants may increase these risks. Report fever, confusion, stiff muscles, which may be life-threatening, or uncontrolled muscle movements, which may be permanent. High cholesterol and weight gain may occur, as can high blood sugar, which may be fatal. Monitoring is recommended. Common side effects are sleepiness, dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, feeling tired, and diarrhea. These aren't all the side effects.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Ask your doctor about Caplyta. Learn more at caplyta.com or call 888-252-4824.

• 2:09Bill Simmons?

  The Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by FanDuel Sportsbook. We are also brought to you by The Ringer Podcast Network, where... We have a new episode of the Prestige TV Podcast, second to last episode of Task. Me and Joanna Robinson broke it down and then she interviewed the showrunner, Brad Inglesby. This was an action-packed episode, to say the least. So you can watch that on the Ringer TV YouTube channel as well. We have new rewatchables coming for you on Monday. We did Sneakers. We're still doing Robert Redford Month. We had an argument, actually, whether this is the most popular Redford movie in 2025. Not the most popular ever, but right now, do the most people like this movie over any other movie. A really fun movie to talk about.

• 2:51Bill Simmons?

  It was me and it was Joanna Robinson and Kyle Brandt. So you can get ready for that on Monday night. Find that on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel as well. Coming up on this podcast, Cousin Sal and I are going to break down a pretty mundane Week 6. This was definitely the, we're in the doldrums of the season, but there are a lot of fun storylines to talk about MVP playoffs. Drake May. And then we had a special guest for Parent Corner. Our cousin, Jimmy Kimmel, came on to talk about his eight-year-old son, who is an absolute maniac. We talked about a bunch of stuff with him at the tail end of the podcast. So it is all next. We're going to take a break and bring in Pearl Jam and then Cousin Sal.

• 3:34Bill Simmons?

  This is the Bill Simmons Podcast, presented by FanDuel. If you're betting on the NFL, come on, FanDuel is the place to do it. They've got everything. Same-game parlays, quick bets for when you want to jump in live your way. So you can set your own lines on just about anything. The app's fast, it's easy to use, and best of all, when you win, you get paid instantly. I've been in Boston, Massachusetts recently. Guess what I did? Used FanDuel. Super fun. Download the FanDuel app or go to fanduel.com/BS to get started. Must be 21-plus, present in select states, 18-plus in DC, Kentucky, and Wyoming. Game problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 888-79777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut.

• 4:43Bill Simmons?

  All right, we're recording it as 8:11 Pacific time, Sunday night. Cousin Sal is here. Worst start to finish day of football we've had. I'm not going to argue, I love football. You get sad, this is right around when you start getting sad about four weeks from now, when you really actually start getting sad.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 5:02Bill Simmons?

  And like, oh no, oh my God, Thanksgiving's coming up. Oh, we're halfway. I'm not going to complain too much, but this was not a good day of football. It really wasn't.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  No, it wasn't. I was almost thinking that, now I know the purpose of the London game, have two quarterbacks that are so bad that it distracts you from the slew of bad quarterbacks in the 1pm games? It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's sure that, you know, yeah, Dylan Gabriel has negative air yards in the first half, but did you see Knicks against Fields? That was awful. I don't know anymore.

• 5:33Bill Simmons?

  So it's like when they bring a sorbet taster at a restaurant, but the sorbet tastes like poop?

• 5:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:39Bill Simmons?

  And then after that, the food is like, ah, I mean, this is better than that sorbet they gave us.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  That's it. Poop sorbet, all day long.

• 5:46Bill Simmons?

  There were a couple of highlights. I guess we can talk about Chiefs Lions later, even though it just happened. Bucks Niners, I think was the story of the day. I don't want to start with my guy Drake, definitely. I'd rather start with Bucks Niners. Warner's out for the year. They only brought back three starters from, from last year, and Warner and Bosa were two of them, and both of them are now gone. Warner broke his ankle. It was so bad, they didn't, they came out of the replay and they're like, we're not showing it. Here's, here's a wide shot. So the Niners are 4-2, but they feel like they've become the year from hell team, even though the Ravens are like, we already locked this up. What are you guys talking about? If you're going to say Niners Ravens, who's more realistic to be a playoff team?

• 6:31Bill Simmons?

  You'd obviously say Niners, but is it possible the Ravens will be the playoff team and the Niners would not be the playoff team?

• 6:36Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's possible because of these injuries and like we got excited for them. They won that Thursday night game against the Rams and they were finally for a week spared a major injury and now right back at it. Fred Warner, huge bummer, great player. Even Juwan Jennings, who was questionable all week, told reporters after the game, I'm playing with five broken ribs and a high and low ankle sprain. It's like, is that the new like, is that the 12 days of Christmas song? Can we do that with 49ers injuries? Like, I don't know. It is, it is a lot.

• 7:05Bill Simmons?

  Five broken ribs is like you basically be in traction.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:10Bill Simmons?

  Five broken ribs. Well, how many do we have? Do we have eight? How many ribs do we have? 12? I, I thought maybe we should probably know this. All right. Six or eight on each side?

• 7:22Speaker 04

  If anybody knows.

• 7:23Bill Simmons?

  Have you ever broken ribs?

• 7:25Speaker 04

  I, I think I fractured a rib in playing football, but uh, it didn't matter. I wasn't starting. So.

• 7:31Bill Simmons?

  I broke multiple ribs once and let me tell you something, not a good time. You would not be wanting to play football. I cracked a rib in 2010 and even then I couldn't, I couldn't do anything for two weeks. So I don't know what Juwan Jennings is going through, what they're shooting with. Um, the Baker Mayfield thing, we talked about his MVP stuff last week. It dropped from 15-1 to 13-1 on FanDuel. Before I even wanted to make it a topic for the pod, all the way through when we're doing the pod. Now what is it like plus 380?

• 8:00Speaker 04

  I saw plus 380. I feel like we did our job. Like our job is to find value in these MVPs. I'm almost sick of talking about it already. Like he's great. He's probably too good for this award. Like if I'm Baker Mayfield and I win this award, I'm like, screw it. Mark Moseley won MVP. Give me something different. I want something. But we know how it is. This is a, he's gonna have to get a top two seed. He's playing better than everybody else.

• 8:24Bill Simmons?

  Well, they're five and one. They have one of the best records in the league. It's, it's, there's two, two five and one teams. Right now he's plus 430 on FanDuel. Mahomes is ahead of him at plus 270 and Allen is plus 140.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Mahomes is ahead of him at that, what that three and three?

• 8:39Bill Simmons?

  It must be all about just trying to attract kind of casual football fans. Cause to me, Mayfield should be like plus 150 or something at this point. He's been that good. There was an insane draft today. They're up 2019. And House and I, we ended up betting, I didn't, we didn't do it for ring one or seven. We had the Niners in a parlay with the Chiefs money line, Niners plus seven and a half. So we'll come back to that in a second, but they have third and 14 on Mayfield. And he has that crazy play, which they showed for the rest of the day where he gets away from five guys. He's running in somehow jukes a guy. Everyone falls for these fake football throw quarterback moves when they're nine yards past the line of scrimmage.

• 9:20Bill Simmons?

  Gets a first down, then same drive, hits a guy who fingertips catches it. And then does the rollover and keeps the ball, which I think happens twice a year.

• 9:29Speaker 04

  Right.

• 9:29Bill Simmons?

  And they're up eight and, and that was it. We lost by a half point, but he's just, I'm tired of betting against himself.

• 9:35Speaker 04

  No, you're right. We're stupid. And there's always that play, the one you talked about was third and 14. Where you could see like, he's starting to get an erection. I look at the bottom half of these guys. So he, you could tell like, but he's like, I'm going to, he plans one of these games. Like I'm going to scramble. I'm going to break three different tackles on all different parts of the field. And I'm going to lunge for the first down flag and then I'm just going to make it. And it's just dynamite, just dynamite. And after watching terrible quarterback play all day, like that makes it worth it for me.

• 10:04Bill Simmons?

  Well, the irony of that happening after we watched, uh, poor Dylan Gabriel in Pittsburgh.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  Right.

• 10:09Bill Simmons?

  Who, uh, you know, the more you watch him, I'm not sure what the above average skill is. Right? No, I wouldn't say he's fast. I guess he's a little accurate on short passes, but, but that's about it. But you think like all the, but there was that stat this week about what are they paying eight guys to play quarterback?

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 10:29Bill Simmons?

  Even though they only still have three and they let Mayfield go. Since I've known you, the only two QBs who have been resurrected. Were him and Carson Palmer, right? Is there anybody else?

• 10:40Speaker 04

  Dylan Gabriel and Carson Palmer?

• 10:42Bill Simmons?

  No, no, no, Baker and Carson Palmer. Where it was like, we'd given up on them as guys who could potentially be on a contender, much less like a decent starting quarterback. Carson Palmer had that Raiders run. It was like, this guy's career's over. Then he went to Arizona and got rejuvenated. But the Baker thing is much crazier. I think we both bet against, didn't we both bet against him when he had the Rams drive and they picked him up on like,

• 11:05Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:06Bill Simmons?

  It was a Thursday night.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  Christmas week?

• 11:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I felt like I've been losing money to him for five years, but I can't think of any other resurrections.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  The other one's Kurt Warner is the only one.

• 11:16Bill Simmons?

  We didn't know each other.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  But we didn't, yeah, we didn't, we refused to speak during those times, but that was it. I think there's no other career arc for a quarterback like Baker's.

• 11:25Bill Simmons?

  Well, if you were like, if we were like the rich owner of some team and we needed a quarterback, at some point you're bringing in, if you still have the same front office, you're bringing those guys in and you're like, what the fuck did we miss with Baker Mayfield? Like he was, Carolina waived him. And then if you're, if you're Tepper, the Carolina owner, he's got to be like, I had Matt Ruhl, I had Baker Mayfield, I had Christian McCaffrey. Like, why did we just throw away the last couple of years? Like, we actually had the nucleus. So, I don't know. He gained his, he got his mojo back and I don't know how it happened.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  In everyone's defense, I mean, there's no defending it, but when this contract came up for those teams, the Panthers and the Browns, he was dealing with injuries, but I feel like out of all the embarrassing things the Browns have gone through, is this top three? Is signing Watson?

• 12:17Bill Simmons?

  Watson trade's one.

• 12:18Speaker 04

  The Watson trade is worse than Baker, letting Baker go? I guess it's the same thing, right? One wouldn't have happened without the other.

• 12:25Bill Simmons?

  I mean, the case for it was like, this guy's never going to be the same. It's almost more like a Drew Brees thing.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  I know, but if you're like, this guy's damaged goods. Yeah, I know it. I know it. Yeah, he's great. Like I said, I'm, although now that Mahomes is ahead of him, I think we have to talk him up even more. This is ridiculous.

• 12:42Bill Simmons?

  Well, the thing is, he was really bad on Carolina. It's not like, nobody was like, what are they doing? They waived Baker Mayfield. Like, he was bad. And then Darnold replaced them and they actually played better with Darnold. I don't get it. I mean, it's like in a sports movie, this would happen. Where somebody's great, or in Baker's case, very good on the Browns. Like, he took him to round two. He had a great college career. Does the dip. It's like the days of thunder, Tom Cruise, like, you know, you're in the hospital bed. I don't know if I can race again. It's like one of those. I don't know if I can QB again. And he's got some, some girl like Baker, you've got to come back. And he gives some speech on a balcony like Brad Pitt in F1. And now he's back. And now he's like,

• 13:28Bill Simmons?

  NFC, like, is there a team you like, I, I know they've had a bunch of injuries, but all the injuries, all the people are coming back, which is different than the Niners situation.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  He's got everyone coming back, Bill. The Lions have everyone coming back. Everyone's coming back. No, I'm with you. I, you know, I almost think the, I don't know. Like if you go to Carolina or the Browns, like that should be treated as your like middle school years. Like, oh yeah, I, I, he had acne and, you know, he had braces.

• 13:55Bill Simmons?

  Parents got divorced.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. His voice was cracking. You can't count those years. Look, look at what he did as a junior in high school. So I think that's kind of it.

• 14:02Bill Simmons?

  Uncle went to jail. Well, their schedule is about to get tough, right? So they're, they're five and one right now, but they have the Lions on a Monday night next week. They're at New Orleans. That's the next two bye week, home Pats, at Bills, at Rams. So this is, we marked down, we said that, uh, when we looked at this before the season, that we thought they were going to start out fast and then this would be the stretch. When we found out what we had, the problem for them is the stretch is coming when, uh, Egbo is now out, at least for a couple of weeks.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:34Bill Simmons?

  Evans, who knows with him. Godwin came back and got hurt again. McMillan's still out. Bucky Irving's out at least another week. So they might not have, I mean, next week they might be down all of their best weapons.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  But they had, and yet I wouldn't bet against Baker. Out today and you just, you can't keep them under 30 points is the thing, at least like the last three weeks, right? Or four weeks now, right? 29 against the Jets, all right, 25 against the Eagles, 38 and 30 this week. And really without flinching, they didn't even need to score in the fourth quarter and they could have.

• 15:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. What was the final score today?

• 15:06Speaker 04

  30 19.

• 15:08Bill Simmons?

  Unbelievable. So they're, I mean, they're basically, and you look at that, uh, that week two, that was the game when it seems like the, when it seemed like the Texans had them beat on a Monday night.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:21Bill Simmons?

  And then he went right down the field and got them, but they, their offense was pretty inept that whole game. So when they get Evans back with Godwin and McMillan, I assume comes back at some point and then Ibuka will be healthy. And you have Bucky Irving, that's, that has a chance to be the best offensive.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's gross. That's gross.

• 15:36Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  That's like, you know.

• 15:38Bill Simmons?

  Pretty ridiculous.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  Because it doesn't seem like, because they're also down linemen, right? We don't even talk about the offensive line, but going into every week, it's like, well, they're down two starters and who, who knows with the wherfs or what's going to happen. That doesn't ever seem to matter the way he scrambles. It's kind of like Barry Sanders as a quarterback, like Sanders like didn't follow his blocks and would have like 70 yard runs.

• 15:58Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Like, I don't know, is this going to take him to the Super Bowl?

• 16:01Bill Simmons?

  They had a left guard leave the game today against the Niners and they said it was the third string left guard that was leaving. And, and the announcer's like, I don't even know who the fourth string guy is. Look, we'll see who they bring in. What's interesting is they have the fifth best odds on Fandel right now. They're eight to one. Now, I think the injuries and the schedule that they have coming up are factored into that, but I haven't liked how the Packers have looked at all. Like at all. Detroit, um, we saw today, like they've had some bad luck with the defensive injuries. That'll come back. I'm not, I'm not willing to write them off or get excited about them. It's too early. Eagles is the wild card and we haven't done, uh, I haven't done any pods since Thursday night.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:47Bill Simmons?

  I just don't think Jalen Carter should mean that much where you just look like complete shit on both sides of the ball. Like I know, I know he's good, but, uh, they got manhandled in that game and the offense looked awful. And it's a, it's a, the Hertz thing is just really strange. Like the, the lack of pace that they have, like especially when they fall behind. He doesn't seem like he changes his demeanor at all. There's no urgency. Everybody seems unhappy.

• 17:16Bill Simmons?

  I don't understand it. I don't understand what's wrong with them. And I think I've watched like 80% of their plays this year.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I mean, I bet them every week. So I got off to a very, very slow start Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, then today. But yeah, I mean, this is an athlete, one of the great athletes, right? He squats 600 pounds, whatever he does, and he can't get it together. He can't get this offensive flow. His wide receivers pretty much hate him. And, uh, and, and I don't know, was, was Barkley, was that just a weird thing last year that isn't going to happen again? Uh, that's what I'm worried thinking about. Like, is that going to make a comeback?

• 17:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, their offensive line certainly isn't the same. They won the Super Bowl last year, so we always forget to completely factor that in, even though it's always factored in with the odds and the discourse. But it isn't, you know, when you haven't done anything versus when you just did it, it's a little different. But I, it's the, it's the lack of, uh, they're like a basketball team that only runs kind of one play over and over and over again.

• 18:17Speaker 04

  Right.

• 18:17Bill Simmons?

  And even if the other team figures it out, it's like, well, I guess we're going to do the exact same thing again. Maybe they won't figure it out this time.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  And by the way, they might have killed their hopes of renewing the tush push by running it four times in a row. I think that might be enough for the owners like, all right, we don't have to wait around for someone to get injured. This is ridiculous to watch.

• 18:35Bill Simmons?

  People are horrified about this. Green Bay being the favorite at plus 360.

• 18:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I, I guess somebody has to be the favorite, but I don't know. I look at that list and I don't really like any of the teams. And the Niners, by the way, had the six best odds at 10 to one. But what's interesting is Seahawks, the Seattle Seahawks are eight to one. Uh, I'm sorry, they had the eighth best odds. They're 16 to one.

• 19:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:04Bill Simmons?

  And I would, I I honestly like them as much as any of those other teams just because they I think somebody's got to come out of that NFC West. Somebody's going to be a two or three seed. They've stayed healthy. I I kind of like their defense when their defense is actually healthy. They have some playmakers. Quarterback's playing pretty well. They're winning on the road. I thought the win today was really good, but I like the way they're playing as much as anybody.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, win on the road. That's what you want in a playoff team, right? Like, I just think the quarterback is still not trusted, right? If you look at every team ahead of them, except for San Francisco, you would probably take that quarterback. But to your larger point, should there be four teams ahead of Tampa Bay? I say no way in the NFC. Maybe two.

• 19:47Bill Simmons?

  The other thing with San Francisco, and you can hide behind all the injury stuff, and they've certainly had some terrible ones, not to mention Kittle's played one game.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 19:55Bill Simmons?

  You know, they've had Mac Jones playing on one leg for the last couple of weeks, but they can't block.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:01Bill Simmons?

  And I don't know if that's like, oh, and all those injuries they've had on the offensive line. It's it's more like, yeah, Trent Williams got old. That guy used to be the best left tackle in the league. And I don't think I don't think they have a dominant.

• 20:14Speaker 04

  His numbers aren't great anymore.

• 20:16Bill Simmons?

  But I thought Mac, there was a moment in that second half when all of a sudden it looked like Mac was on the 2023 Pats again. It was just, he was just going backwards and there was five guys there and that's when his ad is worse. He had no time to do anything. So I I know they're four and two, but to me it feels a little like when Cincinnati was two and O and neither of us, both of us were like, oh, this is going arrow pointing down. I don't see it with the Niners. I think too much has happened.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, we looked at all these teams, Ed, where they're getting these guys back. Detroit's getting defenders back. Tampa's getting guys back. You don't know that for the San Francisco just seems to lose one key player every week.

• 20:55Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they got the Falcons at home, week seven. That's a Sunday night game.

• 21:00Bill Simmons?

  Then they go at Texans, at Giants. And that's pretty tough when you have all the injuries on top of the fact that you've you had trouble blocking people. And now you're going Texans, Giants, back to back.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Right.

• 21:12Bill Simmons?

  Right. Does the Giants have the best pass rush in the league? And I think the Texans are probably in the top four or five. So I, you know, I was looking at the the odds for the NFC West. And I think they're still favored. Yeah, they're plus 135. The Rams are plus 160 and the Seahawks. I haven't gotten it for five, six straight weeks. I still don't get it. The Seahawks are plus 290. And I don't understand that at all. To me, it's like those three teams have to be neck and neck. I would not put any of them over anybody right now. Do you understand that?

• 21:43Speaker 04

  No, it was four to one last week. I think it was eight to one the week before and we were talking about this then. So yeah, I think they're the most balanced. If you trust Sam Darnold, they're kind of the most balanced team with a good enough coach, I think, to get it done.

• 21:59Bill Simmons?

  And they have, I would say JSN is now a top three or four or five, somewhere in there receiver. Now that Puka finally got hurt, which was unfortunately like you could only throw to a guy 15 times a game.

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Can I tell you something about JSN? I don't know if you saw this. 21.11 miles per hour on his touchdown reception.

• 22:19Bill Simmons?

  Oh, really? I thought that was like a 20.9. When I watched it live. Yeah, I watched football at the house today and we were like just watching it blind.

• 22:29Speaker 04

  20.9?

• 22:29Bill Simmons?

  I was like, yeah, that's like a 20.9. 21.1?

• 22:32Speaker 04

  Oh, no. Watch it again. That's a 21, maybe 21.

• 22:36Bill Simmons?

  Should they time that correctly?

• 22:37Speaker 04

  21.15, I would think.

• 22:39Bill Simmons?

  Wow, 21.1?

• 22:42Speaker 04

  21.11. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:44Bill Simmons?

  Just think if he had gone a mile an hour faster, he would have been going 22.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  Wait a minute. Okay. Are you saying?

• 22:52Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna go get coffee tomorrow and go 22 miles an hour and see how many people beep at me.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  Do you think this is something of it's what was, should they have like the sperm count for the receivers too? Like might as well just to just make up numbers.

• 23:06Bill Simmons?

  Let's do blood pressure.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:07Bill Simmons?

  Hey, I'm sad. I think I'd be more interested in that. What was his blood pressure as he, as he ran down? Maybe that would explain what happened to De Mercado. He blacked out.

• 23:15Speaker 04

  His good cholesterol is actually low, so we're all right.

• 23:20Bill Simmons?

  I had a thing I wanted to bring up with you. Cause you know, the Mariners are doing really well. They won tonight.

• 23:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:27Bill Simmons?

  There's like a kind of a Seattle moment happening. Even the WNBA team got a little frisky in the playoffs and then the Seahawks doing well. And I do believe in the, the, the city cluster theory because it's happening now with Indiana. This is what made me think of it. The Pacers had their whole like crazy, crazy improbable run, right?

• 23:47Speaker 04

  Right.

• 23:47Bill Simmons?

  Now the college football team and the pro football team are both on these crazy runs.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 23:52Bill Simmons?

  And everybody's stank and Pat McAfee, he's like at the center of it.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  How does he do it?

• 23:57Bill Simmons?

  I, it, it happened in Boston when the, uh, in 2002, when the Pats, when they won the first Super Bowl with Brady.

• 24:06Speaker 04

  Happened a few times.

• 24:07Bill Simmons?

  And then, and then the Celtics that in the playoffs that year had this improbable run. And the mindset shifted. We, it was when they came back and they almost made the finals. They came back from 25 to beat the Nets in game three, which was just on NBA TV recently. And I, I wrote a column about being at that game and the Boston fans were so beaten down, but the Pats thing kind of swung the perspective. And then the Celtics are doing well. And it was like, maybe we can come back. And it was like, it was like a mood cleansing. And I wonder sometimes if that happens with cities, but I was thinking about that with Seattle. This is one of the dumbest theories I'll ever have, but the further the Mariners go, I also think it's good for the Seahawks. There's just good vibes and happiness everywhere in Seattle and maybe it'll transfer.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  Okay. I mean, I don't know.

• 24:49Bill Simmons?

  Stupid theory.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  We should ask Vandal if good vibes and happiness figure into any of these lines, but.

• 24:54Bill Simmons?

  Good vibes theory.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  Well, we go, we do it the other way, right? Like New York sucks. They had a bad week. Philly had a bad week last week. Now kind of Detroit's there too, right? Scooball and Tigers lose game five.

• 25:06Bill Simmons?

  You get like the, you get the stink.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  Lions lost this week. Who's the other Detroit? There's another Detroit. What happened?

• 25:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 04

  Am I missing some? Oh, uh, Michigan lost to USC. Yeah. Yeah.

• 25:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we had that in oh seven when, uh, when the, the KG trade happened. The Red Sox won the world series and right as the Patriots spiget, we were ripping off that whole thing and the Celtics were going for like 70 wins. And it was just, sometimes it happens where the city, where good stuff aligns. And then like you just said, like the opposite happens where you just feel like, oh my God, every single thing is going wrong. Anyway, stupid theory. Uh.

• 25:45Bill Simmons?

  Let's uh, let's move to the KC game really quick.

• 25:50Bill Simmons?

  So this line stayed at two and a half.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:55Bill Simmons?

  And apparently a lot of the sharps were on the Lions.

• 26:00Bill Simmons?

  I didn't understand why anybody thought the Chiefs were going to go two and four. It was like 90% of my reasoning for the Chiefs is like, they're going to go two and four. Like they're, it's not like they're that banged up, right? They didn't, their left tackle got scratched pretty late. I don't, we don't know what happened with that, but that their blocking was fine. But they should have won last Monday. That was one of the dumbest, that was one of the three dumbest losses of the season. And I, I thought with all that Detroit defense injuries, I thought that line was disrespectful. I didn't understand it. Did you understand it?

• 26:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, you called it. I don't know. I, I thought it, I thought it was about right, but I hold a grudge and I was still so mad at them from Monday night. I actually didn't think they played that great Monday night. I know the pick six is.

• 26:39Bill Simmons?

  14, nothing. They, I mean.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  But then so why don't they score? Like they're up 14 and they, and then they end up with like, they still have 14 late in the third quarter. Like this is the, the Chiefs. And then, I don't know, it's, it's all if you depend, if you believe that now they're not the one score team, winning team, right? Like they were 10 and 0 last year in one score games. This year, I think they were 0 and 3. Tonight wasn't one score, right? So I don't know. Yeah. I mean, good, good for you if you took it, but I just, um, I don't know. I, I didn't buy into the Detroit secondary thing. And I know a lot of Detroit fans want to blame that illegal shift call or whatever. When, you know, golf wasn't lined up right in the first drive, but they, they did get beat up today.

• 27:18Bill Simmons?

  Well, the reality, how many points did they end up scoring? They had 17.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:25Bill Simmons?

  Their vaunted offense. What do you think a team's record is when either a running back fumbles as he's about to go in the end zone? Or a quarterback throws a 99 yard interception? Or a guy fumbles it when he's about to go over the goal line? Or the fumble where it goes out of the end zone and it's a safety for the other team? Has any NFL team in the history of the league ever then won the game?

• 27:48Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 27:49Bill Simmons?

  I'm going to say they're like 0 and 1200.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  It's impossible. It's impossible to do that. Yeah. And there's so many close calls, but yeah, so that 99 and then even for them to win, Lawrence had to like fall down, roll over, keep rolling, stumble again, and then.

• 28:05Bill Simmons?

  They almost won anyway.

• 28:06Speaker 04

  That's what the Chiefs do to teams. Yeah.

• 28:09Bill Simmons?

  House and I made a lot of jokes during the game about Travis Kelsey. Cause it's a, it's a little bit of a deep cut on the Taylor Swift album, but it was a very controversial song on the album called Wood, which people thought was about Travis Kelsey's healthy manhood and, and satisfying her and, and how she finally has, you know, she's finally, the sex thing has finally really worked out for her. And if you go back and look at all her boyfriends, maybe this is a different type of guy she's dating. So we were just calling her, him Wood the whole game and it was very enjoyable. It's like, my home's get it to Wood. Like this clearly should be his nickname.

• 28:48Bill Simmons?

  She wrote this whole gushing love song about his sexual prowess. Like he should just be Travis Wood Kelsey. Yeah. Oh, look at Woody over there. Wood, come on. I mean, that's why you see why, why Taylor's smiling. Wood's just getting it done. I like it. I like it. It's not a negative thing. Right. It's positive. Right. Praising him. It's like when we did the, the Pete Davidson, the big dick energy or what was it? Yeah, all that stuff. I saw, we went to football camp and I, I, I ended up seeing our offensive lineman in the shower and he had a gigantic schlong. And then I, I told everyone and they ended up calling him tripod

• 29:33Bill Simmons?

  and he hated me for it. He wanted to kick my ass every day. So I was like, what the fuck? It's a great nickname. Like people point, ah, he's got a big dick. Come on, come on, Wood. Tripod is a compliment. Of course it is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, on that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and talk about the rest of the week, six slates. That's sponsored.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  I'm pro football Hall of Famer Brian Dawkins and I lived for a long time with something I did not know the name of. Major depressive disorder. I carry sadness and anger because I thought I could handle it alone, but I couldn't. Now I want to make sure others know that that support is out there. If you're experiencing similar symptoms, talk to a healthcare professional. Visit mddallies.com to watch my story.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Paid partnership with Johnson and Johnson. Brian Dawkins is not prescribed Caprola Luminetperone.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  I needed more from my antidepressant, so my doctor added Caplyta lumateperone, proven to provide greater relief from depression symptoms than an antidepressant alone, building on my progress without starting over. Caplyta is for adults with major depressive disorder when used with an antidepressant and is available by prescription only. Individual results may vary. In clinical trials, weight gain was not common.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Elderly dementia patients have increased risk of death or stroke. Caplyta is not approved for dementia-related psychosis. Call your doctor about new or sudden mood changes, behaviors, or suicidal thoughts right away. Antidepressants may increase these risks. Report fever, confusion, stiff muscles, which may be life-threatening, or uncontrolled muscle movements, which may be permanent. High cholesterol and weight gain may occur, as can high blood sugar, which may be fatal. Monitoring is recommended. Common side effects are sleepiness, dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, feeling tired, and diarrhea. These aren't all the side effects.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  Ask your doctor about Caplyta. Learn more at caplyta.com or call 888-252-4824.

• 31:23Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by Carhartt. We spend a lot of time talking about football, the players, the coaches, the big plays, but there's a whole other team we rarely think about, the people who make the game possible, the workers building stadiums, paving parking lots, growing the grass, welding the goalposts, even making the footballs. They're committed to their craft and they're doing the work long before kickoff. Carhartt is proud to outfit those crews. So next time you're watching a game, take a second to appreciate the people behind it. Learn more at carhartt.com/jointhetrades. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra, the official beer partner of the NBA. You know, the NBA season's almost here when that anticipation kicks in. What trades worked? What rookies are popping? Which teams might flame out by Christmas?

• 32:08Bill Simmons?

  I already had my guard up with this season because the Celtics, obviously, a team in a little bit of flux. And then Jason Tatum posted like a minute of him working out and looking really good. And it broke my brain because for the first time, I was like, wow, he might actually be back in the second half of the season. What's that gonna mean? Whatever happens when I'm watching all that unfold, I'm doing with the Michelob Ultra in hand. Superior light beer, just 95 calories. There are a lot of moments worth playing for, but the ones that taste the best are served cold. Order Michelob Ultra and fill up your fridge as we gear up for NBA season. Cannot wait. Enjoy responsibly. Copperade 2025, Anheuser-Busch. Michelob Ultra Light Beer, St. Louis, Missouri. All right, you want to talk about your team first or my team first?

• 32:53Speaker 04

  Uh, let's get mine out of the way.

• 32:56Bill Simmons?

  Okay. You lost to the Carolina Panthers.

• 32:59Speaker 04

  They did it again. They, they dragged me in. They dragged me in. I loved it. I was like, just win this game. Half game behind the Eagles. We have a home game against the Eagles.

• 33:08Bill Simmons?

  You were thinking that way?

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Damn it. Why did I do that? Why didn't you tell? You should have told me. You should have reminded me.

• 33:13Bill Simmons?

  You were doing that on the Sunday pregame show. I thought it was a bit.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 33:17Bill Simmons?

  You really were sucked in?

• 33:19Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, he's playing great.

• 33:21Bill Simmons?

  He really is.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  This is a, in a way, a Baker Mayfield thing. Like the last three weeks, Dak has, I think 11 touchdowns, one interception, over 800 yards, and the defense allowed, I think, 90 points. Like, and I'm like, shit, he could carry them. And he almost did. Just despicable, though.

• 33:37Bill Simmons?

  We were talking today, watching the game. Uh, it's not just that he's playing great. Like, every throw is perfect.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:44Bill Simmons?

  Every throw is like, the guy's in stride, running with it. It's right here. It's on the sideline in the only spot where the guy can catch it. Like, he's really playing out of his mind. And Pickens has been phenomenal, too.

• 33:55Speaker 04

  Great.

• 33:56Bill Simmons?

  I mean, like, I know people see the highlights on social media, but, um, in, in the open space, you just feel like he's gonna get an 80-yard touchdown every time. The irony of them getting their asses kicked by Rico Dowdell, I thought was unbelievable. When all everybody did last year was complain about the Cowboys' running backs, and then they have this guy who looks like, you know, he's playing like his family's being kept in a log cabin, and unless he gets 200 yards, everybody's gonna die at midnight. Like, that's how crazy he was running.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  And he called him out before. He's like, I'm gonna do this. Um, this is my, the Rico Dowdell revenge games. Like, okay, is it that easy to exact revenge on the Cowboys? Like, you could just say it, and then you're good for 160 yards. Like, could anyone?

• 34:38Bill Simmons?

  He was awesome.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Like, the woman that works concession stand at Cowboys Stadium, can she, they, they ripped her off for overtime. She's gonna run for 160? Like, I'm sorry, Rico, we moved on from you and your two rushing touchdowns last year, but, Jesus.

• 34:52Bill Simmons?

  I don't remember a single Rico Dowdell conversation. I don't remember him being on a fantasy team. Um, it's, I don't remember you being like, man, we let Rico Dowdell go. I think he's gonna come back to haunt us. Like, there was no conversation.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:05Bill Simmons?

  So I don't know what happened to him this year. It's a borderline free Dak, though.

• 35:10Bill Simmons?

  Like this, this, he's got this terrible defense.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:13Bill Simmons?

  All these injuries on the offensive line.

• 35:17Bill Simmons?

  And it's, it's very similar to that Borough Higgins Chase situation.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  He's not taking too many sacks. It's not, it's not that, that bad, the offensive line, but yeah, that as long as the defense is as bad as. I mean, probably a couple of weeks, they're still, they're saying, I think it's still two weeks, but I mean, Pickens as a one is really not bad. It's crazy.

• 35:37Bill Simmons?

  No, it's funny that you do the Parsons trade, which it's not like he's coming back to haunt you that much either, but.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  Why? No one's talking about that, by the way.

• 35:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 04

  Not that good. I know the idea is that Jerry has to lose everything, but um, I don't know. He's not even top 50 in sacks. He's sixth in tackles for losses on his team. So.

• 35:58Bill Simmons?

  Not jumping out of the TVs, I'll tell you that much.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 36:00Bill Simmons?

  He's getting back injections.

• 36:02Speaker 04

  A stationary Joe Flacco would be a good place to shine, but didn't happen.

• 36:07Bill Simmons?

  Well, and then the Pickens trade was, would you give up for him, a third?

• 36:11Speaker 04

  Was it a third? Yeah, I think it was three. Yeah. It's a three or four. Yeah, three.

• 36:15Bill Simmons?

  Whatever. That trade was incredible.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 36:17Bill Simmons?

  Carolina, so McMillan had a breakout day. That was the other thing that happened. They got two running backs. They could actually probably shop Hubbard if they wanted to, if they felt like Dowd was. And there's a few teams that need a running back, including my team. But Carolina, three and three. This is the furthest they've made in a while where, cause we're going to cross off teams later. Not crossing them off.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  You can't cross them off.

• 36:39Bill Simmons?

  Have a chance to be a seven seed. Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 36:42Bill Simmons?

  They're not bad. They put their three and O at home.

• 36:44Speaker 04

  Let's wait till they get to six and three and then we'll cross them off.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Bryce Young just killed us. He had like, he has like 160 passer rating against when he's losing to the Cowboys. It's ridiculous.

• 36:57Bill Simmons?

  He's very calm. Well, my team.

• 37:01Bill Simmons?

  The worst officiated game I can remember of a Patriots game. Just five or six calls that we still don't know where the flag came from. They had a touchdown called back. They're kicking the extra point and they're like, no, no, there's a flag. There's no flag in the field. Nobody knows what happened with that. There was an offensive pass interference that nobody understands what happened with that. There was a fumble that we recovered that they decided it wasn't a fumble and nobody could. I, I've just never seen anything like it. And at some point you're like, well, if they were ever gonna have a rigged NFL game, I think I'm watching it. If, if there were ever like three officials who said, fuck it, we're in New Orleans, gambling's legal here, let's go for it. It was that bad. And

• 37:44Bill Simmons?

  the Pats, and the Pats, uh, they won anyway, and they won because Drake May was out of his mind. He was so fucking good, Sal. Just give me the Drake, definitely. It's over. You've lost.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  How about this?

• 37:57Bill Simmons?

  He's Drake, definitely.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  For now, Drake may be plus. How about that?

• 38:03Bill Simmons?

  Drake May was the best court, the best quarterback performance of the day, other than maybe your guy, but always Drake May won. Um, today, the stat has been around a bunch of times. The 23 and under quarterbacks to throw for 200 more passing yards with a hundred passer, 100 plus passer rating in five straight games. Him, Mahomes and Dan Marino. He's hit on eight straight 20 plus passes, not counting the two that got called back on penalties. When he's throwing deep, which was his thing, coming out of the draft, everybody's like, this guy, um, this guy loves the big plays. He's a big play hunter. He loves throwing deep. Uh, he's great at it. And, uh, the Pats are five and two, I'm

• 38:45Bill Simmons?

  sorry, four and two with, uh, the Titans and Browns as their next two. And Drake May is down to 16 and one for MVP.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  Well, he can't win MVP. So just stop.

• 38:56Bill Simmons?

  He's 16 to one.

• 38:57Speaker 04

  This is when people, I don't want you, the, the people stop listening to you if you say things like this. He's not gonna win MVP.

• 39:03Bill Simmons?

  I'm just pointing out, he's 16 to one when the MVP.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know if you read the fine print, but.

• 39:08Bill Simmons?

  Six best odds.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  If you lose to the Raiders, you're not eligible for MVP. So, so, so it's Drake May and it's Cam Ward, the only two that can't win the MVP.

• 39:18Bill Simmons?

  That's fair.

• 39:19Speaker 04

  Right now, so.

• 39:20Bill Simmons?

  Fair.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  No, he's been great. He's been great. He makes amazing third down, throws down the field wherever he has to hit it. He extends drives. Great, great, great. I agree with you with everything. I even, I even had the Saints plus three and a half. And I'm like, you know what? This is officiated so poorly. I won't be able to take Simmons crying like this. I now hope New England wins the game and they did.

• 39:41Bill Simmons?

  You had to turn on your own bet.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  That's it.

• 39:43Bill Simmons?

  Our running backs were so bad in this game that, and the play calling too, the two running backs, Stevenson and Remondra, I don't know what happened to both of them. 22 for 45.

• 39:55Bill Simmons?

  Every time it was like 38, 313, 311, 39, and the Pats were somehow six for 13 on third down. But Drake was just.

• 40:07Bill Simmons?

  I can't believe how good he was the last two games. It's a completely different ceiling. Like it's all the Pats fans are talking about. Like it's like, we have a guy, like this is it. It's happening. So with this easy schedule, I just feel like, uh, you know.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  You feel like he's doing well on this easy schedule. Sure. Yeah.

• 40:25Bill Simmons?

  I feel like we're in a good spot with this guy.

• 40:27Speaker 04

  All right. You are. You definitely are. And listen, coming into the year, we thought at worst, they were going to get the seventh seed. And now there's nothing to shake us from that, right? Like.

• 40:37Bill Simmons?

  Four and two. So what's that the rest of the way? They'd have to go. Six and, six and four?

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Well, it doesn't even matter. Like six and five.

• 40:47Bill Simmons?

  Six and five. Six and five gets them in the playoffs. They play six shitty teams.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  But yeah.

• 40:52Bill Simmons?

  I mean, they still have, they still have the Jets and Miami. I think both of them again.

• 40:58Speaker 04

  But when we did this in August, we thought the Ravens were in, we thought the Bengals were in. Those teams are not in now, so you're not gonna say you're gonna sneak in because you're gonna have 10 wins anyway. But yeah.

• 41:07Bill Simmons?

  And then the AFC South, like the way the Jaguars look today, because you would have said, oh, we'll have Indy and Jacksonville. But Jacksonville, I thought, looked terrible. I know they had some injuries, but, and they shouldn't have won last week. So they're, I would say, a pretty soft form, too.

• 41:23Bill Simmons?

  And then it looks like we're 100% only getting one AFC North team unless there's some sort of miraculous ball.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  Well, and I don't know if you saw those division odds, but it finally flipped to Pittsburgh being a favorite of minus 135. Because now they're three and a half up on Baltimore. And I know it gets dicey for them in November. The games are tough, but three and a half is a very big lead for a team that doesn't have their starting quarterback yet.

• 41:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, the Ravens got killed by the Rams. And, you know, here are the stats. So since we had the 14-team playoff format,

• 41:57Bill Simmons?

  only 2020 Washington started 1-5 and made the playoffs. Before that, 1-5 was a death sentence. We only had the 2012 Redskins, 2018 Colts, and 2015 Chiefs. The only three that made it coming out of 1-5. So if you're gonna make the case for them, the defense got a little healthier. They have a bye week next week. Their next six are Bears, at Miami, at Vikings, at Cleveland, three in a row on the road. Home Jets, home Cincy. And I think they're gonna be favored in five of those if Lamar's playing, right? They'll be favored in all of those and maybe even favored in the at Vikings game. So there's a chance they go five and, I would say, 5-1.

• 42:43Bill Simmons?

  If you're a Ravens fan, that's what you're hoping for. And 5-1 puts you at 5-6 heading into this stretch of the season. You get to play Pittsburgh twice still. God only knows what's gonna happen with Rogers. So it's weird. They're 1-5, but it doesn't feel over. But man, they suck today. And I thought they were poorly coached.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  Listen, we can make them a cross off if you want. We could do it right now.

• 43:06Bill Simmons?

  I can't do it with Lamar. He's won like 80% of his games.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  I think the wild card's out though, because they're one and five. They're gonna have, even if they're 10 and 7, they're gonna lose a lot of tiebreakers here. I think that the way to get in is nine and eight, head to head, they beat the Steelers. Yes, nine to eight, and they win those, obviously, win those two head to head.

• 43:25Bill Simmons?

  They have to win both Pittsburgh games, you're saying.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Yes, definitely, yeah. But that's tough.

• 43:29Bill Simmons?

  I mean, that's not even a Pittsburgh.

• 43:30Bill Simmons?

  The Steelers are 4-1, so the Steelers would have to go 5-6 the rest of the way, basically, and lose both of the Baltimore games.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 43:38Bill Simmons?

  But this is like, you bring up those division odds. I just think minus 135 is, I think Pittsburgh should be like at least a 2-1 favorite.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, I thought they should be minus last week, before even gaining another game, I thought they should be favored, because they're kinda doing everything right. And by the way, they, you know, I think we've been at this too long, because that was such a gimme from the gambling gods, the Steelers. I saw it as a rat line, but Steelers 5.5, why the hell weren't we all over that? I mean, the Browns coming.

• 44:08Bill Simmons?

  I couldn't do with the Browns' defense against, against how simple that Steelers' offense is. And I thought there was a real scenario where the Browns' defense just won the game. They couldn't do anything on offense.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  They came from London, they opted to skip the bye after London, the Steelers are on a, off a bye. Tomlin doesn't really lose too much off a bye. You know, you have Dylan Gabriel going in there, and, and we, we whiffed on it, stupid.

• 44:33Bill Simmons?

  Well, speaking of London, Broncos, Jets, what a way to start the morning. Yet another horrible London game. And I felt like the Broncos were about to win by 30. Bo Nix is running for a first down, they have the lead, he, there's not even guys around him, he slides.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 44:51Bill Simmons?

  But he slides before the first down marker, which I think is in my top four least favorite plays in football, with number one obviously being the punter that kicks it into the end zone, because the special teams guy knocked the ball into the end zone. That's my least favorite. But he did the slide, and he's just short, and you're like, oh, here we go. And then delay a game penalty or whatever. Now it's and then all of a sudden they're going backwards and the Jets are just hanging around and they end up barely winning 13-11. But I felt like they were going on a run. It seemed like they were going to go win by 30. Their defense gives up 95 yards total, 100 yards total, whatever it was. Jets do nothing. And the Broncos almost lose. And this is like betting on or against Bo Nix. I just don't know what the answer is anymore.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  Well, the answer for me is I can't have a lot of money riding on the London game when we're also doing the pregame show because I just get too angry and too distracted. It's like showing up to work, tripping your face off on Molly. And I was like, I can't, I don't even care what these guys are saying. I have to, what is going on with this game? Why isn't Denver winning? And then you're, you're right. Like Justin Fields, they, he's the first quarterback to have nine or more sacks and nine or fewer completions since, you want to guess since who?

• 46:09Bill Simmons?

  It was Justin Fields.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Since Justin Fields in 2021. This is so sickening. The Jets had two first downs in the first half. The, one of them was on a, was on a fake punt, right? Fourth and one, when they went for it, they're celebrating it. I've never seen a team losing, celebrating, converting fourth and one, only to run the clock out. But they were losing, right? That was bizarre to me. I didn't know what I was watching.

• 46:34Bill Simmons?

  And Aaron Glenn is on the sidelines. He's acting like he's a disgruntled fan that's in the stands that flew to London. And it's like, you're actually the coach. You can, you can fix any of this. He's just saying, I don't know what we're doing. It's like, you're the coach. It's your team.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  He is, and he really went, you know, he has Mark Sanchez third on the depth chart right now. I mean, things are really bad in Gotham. Really, really bad. But what honestly though, when does England get pissed at us? Like.

• 47:02Bill Simmons?

  I think it would happen three years ago.

• 47:04Speaker 04

  Way worse than dumping tea in the Boston Harbor or whatever the hell. Like if they did this to us and sent the club soccer team over here who kept batting the soccer ball around with their hands and were charging 200 bucks to see it.

• 47:17Bill Simmons?

  The striker has one leg.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  I think we'd be pissed. It's not an act of war, but it's pretty bad. Yeah.

• 47:22Bill Simmons?

  No, it is like if we, if we put Nathan Fielder in charge of our experience of sending football to London, this is what he would do.

• 47:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:30Bill Simmons?

  Be like, what if we send Justin Fields? He has eight completions in three hours.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  Is this a rehearsal? Is this whole thing a rehearsal episode?

• 47:38Bill Simmons?

  Wow, so bad.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  Might be, yeah.

• 47:39Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I, so now people are like, should they bench Fields?

• 47:45Bill Simmons?

  He's just not accurate. It's not gonna change. He's been in the league like that. There were multiple plays when Garrett Wilson was open and then he's just straining to catch these things that just, normal quarterbacks just complete the thing. If you take out his running, he can't really do anything.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  These are unworldly stats. Negative 10 yards passing net. I mean, you can't, you can't survive that.

• 48:05Bill Simmons?

  I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he just, we've, we've seen enough at this point.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Great guy.

• 48:09Bill Simmons?

  We've seen enough. Somebody I thought we saw enough of, but obviously, uh, obviously I didn't see enough of, even though I thought I did, was Jacoby Brissette, who, when he was the guy blocking Drake May for a few games, um, just seemed like he had been washed up three years ago. He comes in for the cards today.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:29Bill Simmons?

  And then immediately Kyler can't play, he gets scratched. And this is like, this is a godsend. Who can I tease the Colts with? Who could, what money line parlay can I put the Colts with?

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Right.

• 48:40Bill Simmons?

  This is amazing. What a stroke of luck to get Jacoby Brissette. He goes 27 for 44 for 320. They're nine for 14 on third down. And they're just hanging the whole game to the point where House and I are going, you gotta be fucking kidding me. The Cardinals are gonna win this? Every time you think they're about to roll over, they had another drive. And they, uh, they finally lose by four. They were on their third string running backs. Harrison left with a concussion in the second quarter. None of it mattered. They kept driving. And, uh, first of all, kudos to him. Second, I think the Colts defense has to go on fraud watch.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:18Bill Simmons?

  That's it. Like Denver was moving up and down on them. Brissette was moving up and down on them. And I know they have the record, but, uh, with their weapons, I like Warren, I like Jonathan Taylor. Dimes is fine. They have some receivers who can make plays, but their defense is not good enough. I don't think.

• 49:34Speaker 04

  No, I, I think you're right. Maybe cut them some slack. How much can you get up for a game like this? You know, Arizona coming to town with the second string, everything.

• 49:43Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  But, um, I, it's still very weird to me that they have the best record in the AFC right now. Right? Like, and, and weird shit's happened. Like before the game, guy goes out with a concussion, like a deep back. Anthony Richardson, not that he was playing, but he had like a, I read that he had a band injury. I was like, what the hell is this now? You get hit in the head with a, a tuba coming out of the tunnel?

• 50:03Bill Simmons?

  The marching band?

• 50:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. No, but it was actually the, those band, I've done that a million times. So now he's got, but this is something that happens to like a two and nine team, right? Not someone, not a team that's, I mean, what are, what are their odds? Minus 130 to win the division? They're going to be around there in January, I think.

• 50:18Bill Simmons?

  Well, let's go backwards. They killed the Dolphins in week one.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:24Bill Simmons?

  Not impressive now. They barely beat the Broncos in the game, the leverage game that they should have lost. They killed the Titans. They lose to the Rams. They kill the Raiders and they barely beat Per Set. Those are their six games.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 50:38Bill Simmons?

  So we've been down this road before with teams and what was that year? A couple of years ago with Minnesota when they were like 13 and four and we were like, I can't wait to bet against this team in the playoffs. I'm not sure I would say that yet with the Colts because, uh, they can move the ball.

• 50:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:53Bill Simmons?

  Like, and they, I think I'd, you know, they've gone 33, 29, 41, 20, 40 and 31 in these six games. So they're always going to have the offense, which is a little different than some teams. But schedule's going to get harder here as we get to the week nine range. They're going to be, well, they, they're at Chargers next week. Although the Chargers are pretty banged up, but they still have at Steelers, at Chiefs, at Jags, at Seahawks, at Texans.

• 51:19Speaker 04

  It's tough.

• 51:20Bill Simmons?

  All left. Um, and they're playing the Falcons in Berlin. So.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  All right. I'll back off a little.

• 51:26Bill Simmons?

  Not ready. We're not ready to know with this team. I don't think yet.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we know what the Titans, we know, we're not confident with the Texans and I don't know, the Jaguars are the Jaguars, you know, they came into this game 14, four turnovers. I mean, you just know that's not going to continue. They're not going to have 60 by the end of the year. Right?

• 51:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. It's, it's what's interesting about Houston is their schedule is just a lot tougher in general.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:51Bill Simmons?

  Where, um, you know, because they're playing the first place schedule from last year and you go through their games and like they have a Raiders game. They have an at Titans game. And that's really it. Like every other game is either pretty hard, hard, or like really hard. So yeah, it's sitting there for the Colts, but I'm, I'm still a little dubious. I just don't think they can get stops. I thought they were over and over again. Arizona had a running back that, who is that guy, Knight?

• 52:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, Knight.

• 52:20Bill Simmons?

  Do you know who that was? It's like their third, third stringer.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  I just assumed it was Shug Knight. It's not Shug Knight?

• 52:26Bill Simmons?

  Shug Knight. There he goes.

• 52:30Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I forgot to mention with Steelers Browns. 11 straight games of 17 points or less for Cleveland. Did you see that stat?

• 52:37Speaker 04

  Is that what it is? No, I didn't see that.

• 52:38Bill Simmons?

  11. What a streak.

• 52:41Speaker 04

  Against the Steelers?

• 52:43Bill Simmons?

  Against anyone.

• 52:44Speaker 04

  Oh, really? Oh, wow. Currently. Yeah.

• 52:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that's a problem.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Why didn't we have that? Damn it. I mean, they had lost 23 straight in Three Rivers, AccuSure, with Heinz Field, whatever the hell you want to call it.

• 52:59Bill Simmons?

  Ravens Rams, one other thing I forgot to mention.

• 53:03Bill Simmons?

  Should the Ravens trade Derrick Henry and just say, fuck it, it's not our year?

• 53:08Speaker 04

  I think they maybe should have traded him after they went 0 for 4 from the four inch line, right? And he got the last, uh, last shot at it. Interesting.

• 53:19Bill Simmons?

  Can I start the rumor of Derrick Henry to the Patriots?

• 53:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. Start that up.

• 53:25Bill Simmons?

  Great, thanks.

• 53:25Speaker 04

  But they can't, they won't give up on, they'll give up on Lamar before they do Henry. I mean, not trade Lamar, but.

• 53:31Bill Simmons?

  What pick would get their attention?

• 53:32Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 53:34Bill Simmons?

  Like our second?

• 53:36Speaker 04

  I wonder if he wants out.

• 53:37Bill Simmons?

  What if our second and Remandre?

• 53:40Speaker 04

  Remandre get cut?

• 53:41Bill Simmons?

  They gotta take Remandre.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  You do?

• 53:43Bill Simmons?

  Well, they need a running back.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  That's a fantasy trade right there.

• 53:46Bill Simmons?

  You know who used to, who used to work together? Derrick Henry and Mike Frable.

• 53:49Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, that's true.

• 53:50Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, yeah. They used to have a really great relationship one spot at a time.

• 53:53Speaker 04

  You don't need a running back. You got the greatest quarterback of all time.

• 53:56Bill Simmons?

  Our running backs are 22 and 45 today. We need a running back.

• 53:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 53:59Bill Simmons?

  We, our short yardage stuff is a disaster. It's like America if we get a yard.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  Brady dealt with that for years and you brought, no shortage of rings.

• 54:08Bill Simmons?

  When's the NFL trade deadline? So like that, like week eight, week nine?

• 54:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, right around there. Like after Halloween.

• 54:15Bill Simmons?

  They lose that Bears game and they go one and six. Why not trade Derrick Henry at that point? How many years does he have left anyways?

• 54:21Speaker 04

  The Bears game is after the buy, so they have a buy now, right?

• 54:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe they scrap Lamar for the year.

• 54:30Bill Simmons?

  If the Pats traded for Derrick Henry, I would absolutely, I would actually lose my mind.

• 54:34Speaker 04

  Really?

• 54:34Bill Simmons?

  That'd be it. Yeah. That'd be it. I'd be just, I'd wake up, I'd be two block, I'd be like Di Mercado fumbling the call. Like I'd just complete blackout. I'd just be two blocks from my house. Like, how did I get here? Where am I?

• 54:46Speaker 04

  You'd be fumbling your hot water with lemon, doing all of that.

• 54:50Bill Simmons?

  Derrick Henry would be the, one of the most beloved Boston veteran athletes like we've ever had. He would just immediately be beloved.

• 54:57Speaker 04

  This is great.

• 54:58Bill Simmons?

  Thanks.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  Is he a Henry? Is he like a John Henry? Is there a relation? Cause you can make that work. No?

• 55:06Bill Simmons?

  Packers, Bengals, we don't have to talk about that game. Although I don't understand why Love has the fifth best MVP odds in the league. Have you watched any Jordan Love game this year and been like, whoa, this guy's amazing? Like Dak Prescott's 10 times better than Jordan Love this year. Jordan Love has guys running around wide open all game.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  Golden made him look good today and Kraft came back a bit, but they still were in danger of getting that game tied on them in the fourth quarter.

• 55:35Bill Simmons?

  Titans Raiders was the other one that happened. They really fucked up with these only three games, the late games.

• 55:40Speaker 04

  And that's one of them.

• 55:41Bill Simmons?

  They should have flexed the fourth game, right? They should have just flexed Pat Saints and made it like a later game.

• 55:47Speaker 04

  You liked the two Monday nights, but one of them could have been a late afternoon game. Like, well, now we have two Monday nights, one at seven, one at eight Eastern, and then we got a, you know, we got a baseball game at like three.

• 56:00Bill Simmons?

  It allowed House and I to watch Wizards preseason, so that was fun.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 56:05Bill Simmons?

  Had that on one of the TVs. Then House did this thing where he, I think just because he's old, turns out House is old. Turns out we're all old. Uh, he kept falling asleep and waking up. So he would snore and then the snoring would wake him up.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  What time is this?

• 56:20Bill Simmons?

  I was gonna, it was like 2:30 in the afternoon.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 56:24Bill Simmons?

  No, it was, I should have videotaped it because I could have sent it to NFL, like Roger Goodell and all those people. Like this is what happens when they have three people, three teams in the late games.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  That's great.

• 56:35Bill Simmons?

  My buddy House who loves football, he's asleep. It's 2:30.

• 56:38Speaker 04

  Gino and Cam Ward, it did it. There you go.

• 56:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, House was like, ah, I flew cross country yesterday. All right, cross offs. Jets 0-6.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:48Bill Simmons?

  The first time we've done this. Jets cross off.

• 56:51Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 56:51Bill Simmons?

  Okay. Browns, 1-5 cross off?

• 56:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:57Bill Simmons?

  Tennessee, 1-5 and should be 0-6 and

• 57:00Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 57:01Bill Simmons?

  Oh, probably the worst coach in the league.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 57:04Bill Simmons?

  All right, that's three.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  Are you gonna have one more or no more? Let's see.

• 57:08Bill Simmons?

  No, we're gonna have five.

• 57:09Speaker 04

  Oh, five.

• 57:11Bill Simmons?

  Dolphins, 1-5 are an automatic cross off.

• 57:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, they're done. They're gone.

• 57:15Bill Simmons?

  We didn't talk about whether, uh, DJ Mikey Mack, I don't think he gets fired because two weeks in a row, the team could have rolled over. And they actually like really fought and tried to win for him. Like today, they took the lead with a minute left. Two actually came through. And then of course they fucked the game up.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  I thought this was

• 57:33Bill Simmons?

  Fire him, yeah.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  The same old ball, right? Like the Chargers, Miami, like whoever lost, it's like, oh, this is the same old team, right? Same old Chargers, typical Chargers. They, they get the lead and they blow it at the end and well, but they're playing the same old Dolphins with the same old coach with his analytics and drawstring sweatpants. He's a mess. And now like what is two is going out and saying the players are meeting, missing, they're skipping meetings?

• 57:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Not great. Well, that was, I forgot to mention, that was a, a pretty massive win for the Chargers because

• 58:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:05Bill Simmons?

  You know, I don't think they're gonna win the Super Bowl without, uh, without Slater.

• 58:12Bill Simmons?

  Not to mention they're missing their top two running backs, even though Vidal looked good today, but they'd fall in the three and three with the depth that we have in the, in the AFC. I don't know.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  I feel like they're at much worse shape at three and three than Kansas City is, even though they beat them head to head.

• 58:27Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. So four and two at least by some little time. Herbert made a great, I mean, what's his face made an awesome.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  McConkey.

• 58:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, McConkey.

• 58:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:37Bill Simmons?

  Awesome. Seemed like he was going, going out to kill some clock, cuts back in.

• 58:42Speaker 04

  Right.

• 58:42Bill Simmons?

  And then again, but a terrible loss for Miami. They're a cross off. And then I, I don't mind the Saints. I thought they were pretty frisky today and in general, like I, I don't think Rattler's that bad. They can move the ball. I think they're like decently coached, but they're a cross off. They're one and five. They're not, they're not going eight and three over their last 11 to make the playoffs.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. So normally we might keep the NFC South last place team around because the first place team's usually like three and three at this point.

• 59:11Bill Simmons?

  We're not doing that this year.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Tampa's too good. Yeah.

• 59:13Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. So we have five cross offs.

• 59:15Speaker 04

  Okay, that is five. One.

• 59:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Speaker 04

  Two. Okay. And who was, uh, who's on the lookout?

• 59:22Bill Simmons?

  Um.

• 59:24Speaker 04

  Ravens have a bye, so they, they get to survive. I think we're okay for a minute now.

• 59:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think, I think, listen, we have cross off scouts in Cincinnati and Las Vegas. There's no question.

• 59:35Speaker 04

  Arizona.

• 59:36Bill Simmons?

  And, uh, you know, the Giants, we didn't talk about, I mean, all the Giants fans we know, they're absolutely going nuts about Dart and scat a boo, uh, in the front four. But Dart, we went through this with Drake May last year, like they have to like have an intervention with him. He's going to spend the entire season in the blue tent.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 59:56Bill Simmons?

  You can't, you can't seek out hits when you're a quarterback. Like you're not playing.

• 1:00:01Speaker 04

  It's bad.

• 1:00:02Bill Simmons?

  High school football anymore like these are 65 290 pound people.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  I don't know if he's a great fit for New York either. Like he went right after the reporters. I know a lot of them are assholes, but he's like, yeah, and you know, you guys are so negative. And the reporter's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are we negative about? And he's like, well, now he has to decide how much he wants to commit to this whole thing.

• 1:00:21Bill Simmons?

  But to the bit.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:23Bill Simmons?

  But people didn't believe it's like, yeah, you're right. We didn't believe a one and 14 were going to beat the Superbowl champs. We shoot us.

• 1:00:30Speaker 04

  Sorry. It's just based on the whole last month, but okay. But who did what? Okay. Let me ask you this. What 80s tag team does Scataboo and Dart remind you of?

• 1:00:41Bill Simmons?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  When we first saw them.

• 1:00:45Bill Simmons?

  Like a B Brian Blair and Jim Brunzel, the Killer Bees?

• 1:00:49Speaker 04

  No, I think a little more grit than that.

• 1:00:51Bill Simmons?

  Who do you got?

• 1:00:53Speaker 04

  Road Warriors Legion of Doom, right?

• 1:00:55Bill Simmons?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  Delivering like clotheslines every play and we'll see like one climb the other shoulders. I feel like this is a, they're just a battering crew. Like what the hell did we just see? Just running everybody over?

• 1:01:08Bill Simmons?

  They won that game and did media for like an hour and a half after.

• 1:01:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12Bill Simmons?

  I just had Amazon on because I was doing stuff and, and came back and Fitzpatrick and Scataboo both had.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  Shirts off.

• 1:01:19Bill Simmons?

  Did their shirts off, their chest bumping. I'm like, what's this? Guys are two and four.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  They're the fricking.

• 1:01:24Bill Simmons?

  They made the NFC title game.

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  They're hawking animal. I don't know who's which, but they're hawking animal. This is the Road Warriors.

• 1:01:29Bill Simmons?

  All right, we're going to take a break and then we're going to do, uh, guest lines. This episode is brought to you by Expedia. You know how at the end of the season, your team goes to Cancun? Sometimes earlier than expected, sometimes after blowing a 3-1 series lead. But what if you went to Cancun with Expedia save up to 30% when you bundle and save? You can book the flight or the hotel now, then book the rest later. In all fairness though, hopefully your team doesn't go to Cancun, one, two, three Cancun. Or if they do, you go with them. Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Sign in to save savings vary. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. And whether it's a flea flicker or a tush push, you need a plan that fits your unique situation.

• 1:02:12Bill Simmons?

  That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and for your budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Last week on Guest the Lions, I hit 10 exactly. Controversial.

• 1:02:27Speaker 04

  What's the point of this anymore?

• 1:02:29Bill Simmons?

  You thought I was cheating. I've never cheated Guest the Lions. What kind of feedback did you get from people with the cheating, non-cheating?

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  People, it's so funny because people are like, well, we know Bill's been cheating all these years. I'm like, that, I laugh, I don't think it's true, but I do think that's funny that that's a consensus for this. And I'm gonna go with it.

• 1:02:47Bill Simmons?

  Like Belichick.

• 1:02:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, by association, guilty.

• 1:02:51Bill Simmons?

  What would be the fun about cheating in Guest the Lions? Like, I'm honestly curious about that.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  Uh, I don't know. I mean, has sponsorship rate gone up since you hit 10 in a row on the podcast?

• 1:03:00Bill Simmons?

  No, nothing happened.

• 1:03:02Speaker 04

  Okay, I don't know what it would be then.

• 1:03:04Bill Simmons?

  Thursday night, Steelers at the Bengals.

• 1:03:09Speaker 04

  I hit this exact, and you're gonna think this is a payback, but, but.

• 1:03:13Bill Simmons?

  Well, you won the first two weeks. I won the next four, so I'm up four and two.

• 1:03:16Speaker 04

  This is bad. Am I a cross off?

• 1:03:19Bill Simmons?

  No.

• 1:03:21Bill Simmons?

  I, I put this in the Vegas zone. I have Steelers by five and a half.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  You see what I mean? I can't even, I can't even gain on you here. It's five and a half. It's five and a half.

• 1:03:35Bill Simmons?

  All right.

• 1:03:37Speaker 04

  And I wonder, is it, well, before we go on, this was what it was when they were home against Cleveland. Is this still a little light?

• 1:03:47Speaker 04

  This is still, this is Flacco now.

• 1:03:51Bill Simmons?

  I thought the Bengals, you know, unfortunately, we had to watch that game semi carefully. Cause we only had three games.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:01Bill Simmons?

  Look, Flacco's 40. I'm not, nothing to write home about at this point, but he is pretty good at throwing that 20 yard sideline throw.

• 1:04:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:08Bill Simmons?

  Like up in the air for receivers.

• 1:04:10Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 1:04:11Bill Simmons?

  There's something there with them. So.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  So this might be the trip up game here Thursday night.

• 1:04:19Bill Simmons?

  I listen, are the stayers just gonna week after week? Things are just gonna go right for them? Like this is how it's gonna go? I don't know.

• 1:04:27Speaker 04

  By the way, the Eagles made me not want to bet any Thursday night games. I mean, that was clearly a team that was unprepared and everything else. Oh yeah, this is a game coming off of three days rest.

• 1:04:37Bill Simmons?

  I just, me personally, if I didn't bet the Thursday games or the Europe games, I'd be having an unbelievable year.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Bill Simmons?

  It's and by the way, we know not to bet those games.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  They know what they're doing.

• 1:04:49Bill Simmons?

  It gets near game time. We're like, all right, fine.

• 1:04:52Speaker 04

  You know what we should have done before we move on? If we had bet against all the backup quarterbacks on a parlay, it was plus 270. They all lost five for five, even as good. Someone played well, Brissette was good, but it still lost.

• 1:05:05Bill Simmons?

  Does Dylan Gabriel count as a backup quarterback?

• 1:05:07Speaker 04

  He back, back, back, back, backup. Yep. Way back.

• 1:05:12Bill Simmons?

  I think I'm gonna hit the London game too.

• 1:05:16Bill Simmons?

  9:30 AM Sunday. I'm gonna try not to bet it Rams Jaguars. Probably be 80% Jags fans. I have Rams by two and a half.

• 1:05:26Speaker 04

  That's what I had. It's three. Okay. At least you're not hitting them exactly now.

• 1:05:30Bill Simmons?

  The rare three, we don't have threes anymore.

• 1:05:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:34Bill Simmons?

  I mean, part of the science against the Lions this year is you just bet one and a half, two and a half for Vegas.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  Right. You tell them, maybe you could tell them they're wrong. I mean, you, you, you're as reliable as anyone. This is not even.

• 1:05:45Bill Simmons?

  This ends at two and a half though.

• 1:05:47Speaker 04

  It's not a tick of a home game for Jacksonville, having been there a zillion times.

• 1:05:52Bill Simmons?

  You know, I don't know if they're expecting fans after what happened today. It might just be an empty stadium. It might be like a COVID. They might have to have cardboard cutouts and people.

• 1:06:00Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 1:06:01Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if they go back.

• 1:06:03Speaker 04

  Burning cars outside.

• 1:06:05Bill Simmons?

  I mean, this will be a nice little tester for the Jags, right?

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:06:10Bill Simmons?

  You win this, you're five and two. You lose this, you're four and three, and you should have lost the Chiefs game and you're kind of frauds. So we'll find out.

• 1:06:21Bill Simmons?

  There was a classic. I still, I just can't get there with Lawrence. I know he was pretty good last week, but there was a play. They're down. He wasn't very good today. They're down 26. Throws this pass that it felt like it could have been picked. And it bounces up in the air. And it goes to Brian Thomas, I think, or one of their receivers. And the guy runs down and then it turns out. They, it gets called back for a flag, but they cut to Lawrence and he's like. Doing this like he did something. It's like that pass was terrible. It should have been picked. It's like, yeah, we did it.

• 1:06:50Speaker 04

  They're still dropping some. By the way, I would move this. I think a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how Nakua. I don't want to bet. I don't want any part of the Rams. If Nakua is not in the lineup. I, you don't do this for a receiver, but this could move a half a point if he's teamed out. I don't know. I mean.

• 1:07:06Bill Simmons?

  He's limping around for the whole second half of that game.

• 1:07:08Speaker 04

  He could sit this. I mean, it's in London.

• 1:07:11Bill Simmons?

  If he's out. The Jags, I think are, are a live bet.

• 1:07:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:07:18Bill Simmons?

  Sunday marquee sadly, uh. Slim Pickens. We gotta go with Colts Chargers just because that's a five and one against.

• 1:07:26Speaker 04

  Oh, man, it is.

• 1:07:27Bill Simmons?

  Four and two. It's in LA. Chargers have lost some people. I, I hesitate to say this is a test for the Colts. But I do have them favored. I have Colts one and a half.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  Oh, you do? Oh, good. I have the Chargers by two and a half. It's Chargers by one and a half. Oh, my God. It feels so good to win one.

• 1:07:53Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 1:07:53Speaker 04

  By myself.

• 1:07:55Bill Simmons?

  Do you agree with that?

• 1:07:57Speaker 04

  Um, well, I agree with two and a half.

• 1:08:00Bill Simmons?

  I think the Colts should be favored.

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  Really? All right. I mean, you just said how they might be have fraudulent defense and everything else.

• 1:08:07Bill Simmons?

  No, but the Chargers have, they're on the third string running back and they're missing both tackles still.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  All right. Well, they have, what, what will the fan situation be like? Oh, you know, a lot of the Ringer guys are coming to town, right? It's a special week for a spot. It's a core week.

• 1:08:22Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:08:22Speaker 04

  And our nephew, Anthony DeBundo is a big Colts fan. I wonder if he'll go to this game. Interesting. A lot of Colts fans.

• 1:08:28Bill Simmons?

  That'd be great. He sent me a wedding photo of him and Drew Carter, the Celtics guy that I love. The two Syracuse guys. I just felt really proud looking at it. I framed it. I was gonna put it over my shoulder. I love Drew Carter. Drew Carter should be one of the NFL play-by-play guys. I don't understand how they do the scouting with this stuff sometimes. Yeah, when there's actually like legitimately, like Noah Eagle is like, oh, that guy's good. Like you just know right away.

• 1:08:52Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 1:08:53Bill Simmons?

  There's certain guys and it doesn't really matter what the sport is, but you know who the good guys are. And like Drew Carter is great doing the NBA games for the Celtics. It's like, clearly should be doing NFL.

• 1:09:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, there's a color commentary position open. I don't know about play-by-play, but yeah, he can get it. You hate that. You're cutting all these.

• 1:09:11Bill Simmons?

  Not cutting any of them.

• 1:09:17Bill Simmons?

  The watchables. We got three. Eagles at Vikings. I don't, it's even questionable whether this is a watchable, but it is Wentz going against the Eagles is fun.

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Bill Simmons?

  Right? I assume we're not gonna get McCarthy.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  Nah.

• 1:09:29Bill Simmons?

  And God only knows what to expect with the Eagles. It's in Minnesota.

• 1:09:35Bill Simmons?

  And I went Eagles minus one and a half.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  All right, I get this. I said two, it is two and a half.

• 1:09:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:42Speaker 04

  That might come down too.

• 1:09:46Bill Simmons?

  It's a tough one, because I don't know what to make of that Vikings team.

• 1:09:49Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:09:51Speaker 04

  They're off a bot.

• 1:09:52Bill Simmons?

  You think they'll have Van Ginkle and Cashman back? I don't think they will.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  I feel like they haven't played in forever, but one's gonna get 10 days rest.

• 1:09:58Bill Simmons?

  Whatever.

• 1:09:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, one will have two weeks rest.

• 1:10:01Bill Simmons?

  So next watchables, I just, I think the Giants are a watchable if they're playing a good team. So Broncos, Giants in Denver, I think have to, has to be in the watchable category. As long as this Dart thing is going and all the Giants fans are fired up at it. I have Broncos by seven against the Giants.

• 1:10:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, you hit that exactly. I don't think I have to tell you anymore. I said five and a half. I thought that was a little rich. Seven, but I forget. Hawk and Animal coming to Denver.

• 1:10:30Bill Simmons?

  I had it lower in my head too, but then I thought, this is such an obvious teaser, they're gonna jack it.

• 1:10:35Speaker 04

  We can't, we can't bet it on a teaser. It's obvious to others. We can't, after what we went through this morning.

• 1:10:42Bill Simmons?

  Well, that right guard on the Broncos, what was that guy's name? Number 69, Pert?

• 1:10:46Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 1:10:46Bill Simmons?

  Seventy-nine?

• 1:10:47Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:48Bill Simmons?

  Just over and over again was murdering them with holding calls at the worst possible times.

• 1:10:52Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. If they played anyone else, they would have lost by 17 points today.

• 1:10:57Bill Simmons?

  That giant front four really is something, you know? We'll, we'll find out.

• 1:11:01Speaker 04

  They beat the shit out of the Eagles.

• 1:11:04Bill Simmons?

  I think Peyton, they, the announcers were even saying it, uh, Eisen and Warner, they were even intimating like Peyton was like, I'm worried about this game. We just had this awesome win against the Eagles and this is like a stupid Jets team and I just want to get through this and pull a win out. The other, uh, watchables, I'm sorry, your team is exceedingly watchable. I have, uh, Washington at Dallas. It's a watchable game. I'm gonna enjoy it.

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  This is me in house.

• 1:11:30Bill Simmons?

  All your team does is play awesome games.

• 1:11:32Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:33Bill Simmons?

  The Carolina Dallas game was super fun. I really enjoyed it.

• 1:11:37Speaker 04

  Listen, regardless of record, let's just do Tampa Bay, Dallas in the NFC Championship.

• 1:11:41Bill Simmons?

  It would be great.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  Let's do it. Let's do it.

• 1:11:43Bill Simmons?

  Be a really fun game.

• 1:11:44Speaker 04

  Play out the rest of the year, but make that the championship. It's fine.

• 1:11:47Bill Simmons?

  I did Washington favored by three over Dallas in Dallas.

• 1:11:53Speaker 04

  I got this exact, yeah, two and a half. Washington favored by two and a half.

• 1:11:58Bill Simmons?

  I don't have the same magic today.

• 1:11:59Speaker 04

  They're gonna win.

• 1:12:00Bill Simmons?

  I'm close. I'm hovering around every line.

• 1:12:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, you can look them up real quick if you want, like you did last week, and then just, uh, jot them down, you know, the game.

• 1:12:10Bill Simmons?

  Bears home for the Saints. Now you're asking, why is this a poop fact the game? The Saints are kind of entertaining. I don't know. I don't mind the Saints. I, I didn't mind watching them today. And I think the Bears are mildly entertaining as well. And it's in Chicago. And I have the Bears favored by four over the Saints.

• 1:12:30Speaker 04

  I had the same. Is there an injury? Because this went, um, so we tied. It's four and a half, but it opened at five and a half. It's something, hmm, someone get screwed up there?

• 1:12:41Bill Simmons?

  So what, what's the, it's four and a half?

• 1:12:43Speaker 04

  It's four and a half.

• 1:12:44Bill Simmons?

  Huh.

• 1:12:46Speaker 04

  Wait, if it started at five and a half, now the Bears aren't favored.

• 1:12:48Bill Simmons?

  Maybe, I think it may, might have been gotten bent down or bet down because the Saints have kind of been hanging against teams that are, would all be in the playoffs if the season ended today.

• 1:12:59Speaker 04

  I guess, yeah, yeah. Chicago on a short week. I just, interesting that that would move so much.

• 1:13:06Bill Simmons?

  Chiefs home for the Raiders.

• 1:13:10Bill Simmons?

  It has to go past the T's number.

• 1:13:15Bill Simmons?

  I have Chiefs minus seven and a half, probably too low.

• 1:13:17Speaker 04

  All right. Yeah, I have eight and I was way low. It's 10 and a half.

• 1:13:21Bill Simmons?

  Oh, Jesus. That's too high.

• 1:13:23Speaker 04

  What do we do with that?

• 1:13:25Bill Simmons?

  It's too high.

• 1:13:26Speaker 04

  This is gonna be, we're gonna have this on a money line parlay. We're gonna have to be watching with a minute 20 left in the fourth quarter to see if Butker kicks a field goal.

• 1:13:34Bill Simmons?

  We had a two week window with the Chiefs where they were getting, people actually like flipping the other way and not respecting them enough. And now it's gone back to stupid again.

• 1:13:45Speaker 04

  That's what happens. But you have Gino, could he, I mean, to his credit, he was giving up his interceptions on the other side of the field, like near the other end zone.

• 1:13:55Bill Simmons?

  Toward the red zone.

• 1:13:55Speaker 04

  Right. That's, that's what he could do. That's all he needs to do. The Titans almost covered that game.

• 1:14:01Bill Simmons?

  We were watching it, just trying to, it was 20 to three and we're like, all right, so they'll score. Gino will do something dumb. They'll get a 2017 final. Just waiting for it. And then, you know, Cam Ward just plays like a rookie quarterback, unfortunately.

• 1:14:15Speaker 04

  How he gave up the ball there at the end was really like, hey, I'm sick of holding this thing. Take it.

• 1:14:21Bill Simmons?

  It's not, it's not great. Packers Cardinals in Arizona. No idea if Kyler Murray is starting, but I would assume he is. And then Harrison with the concussion. That's usually a two week injury now, the concussion.

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:14:35Bill Simmons?

  Pretty rarely the guy comes back after one. I initially had this at three, but I'm bumping it to three and a half post concussion.

• 1:14:42Speaker 04

  I'm gonna beat you this week.

• 1:14:43Bill Simmons?

  Packers three and a half. You might.

• 1:14:44Speaker 04

  I said six. It's six and a half.

• 1:14:47Bill Simmons?

  In Arizona?

• 1:14:48Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:14:50Speaker 04

  They're done. They're, they're done with this team.

• 1:14:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, but has anyone watched the Packers?

• 1:14:55Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 1:14:55Bill Simmons?

  It's not like they're lighting the world on fire.

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  It's true. They'd really be better off, even if he's ready. Keeping a percent.

• 1:15:02Bill Simmons?

  I don't agree with that at all.

• 1:15:04Bill Simmons?

  I both don't agree with that at all and I've never been Arizona. So maybe the line's right.

• 1:15:08Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 1:15:09Bill Simmons?

  Poop fact that three games Browns home for the Dolphins.

• 1:15:13Speaker 04

  Wait a minute, how are you not putting your game?

• 1:15:15Bill Simmons?

  I have my game in poop fact.

• 1:15:17Speaker 04

  Oh, it's better than that. This is a rivalry. It's a huge rivalry.

• 1:15:21Bill Simmons?

  Go fairly watchable. All right, I'll move it up.

• 1:15:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:24Bill Simmons?

  Because variable going back to Tennessee.

• 1:15:26Speaker 04

  Of course, there's a lot of, a lot of shenanigans could take place here.

• 1:15:30Bill Simmons?

  All right, fairly watchables. Pats at Tennessee. So.

• 1:15:38Speaker 04

  You know what? If you say it like that, maybe we should move it down. Now that I have it floating in my head.

• 1:15:45Bill Simmons?

  Well, so they played the Saints today.

• 1:15:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:47Bill Simmons?

  And they're basically three and a half all week and it didn't budge. And I think the Saints are better than Titans. So I'm going to say Pats by four.

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  All right. So you're light on all these. I said seven and it's six and a half.

• 1:16:03Speaker 04

  You gotta, these cross off teams have to get five, six points.

• 1:16:06Bill Simmons?

  Can't run the ball.

• 1:16:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, but these teams that don't even really, they're really gonna lose by 10 or seven, some of these teams. Or 40.

• 1:16:15Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. I was on it last week. I don't know. I don't agree with some of these lines this week.

• 1:16:20Speaker 04

  I love this.

• 1:16:22Bill Simmons?

  I just think that Titans team is going to be really fired up because they're a fucking mess. Vrabel is doing great with the Pats. It's going to be a whole week of why did we let Mike Vrabel go? So either that's bad for the Titans or they're going to be all fired up to play him.

• 1:16:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:36Bill Simmons?

  But there's gonna be a lot of emotion.

• 1:16:38Speaker 04

  What happened? Lots of more emotion if they signed Derrick Henry on Thursday. Going back to Tennessee. Can you get it done that quickly?

• 1:16:46Bill Simmons?

  Can we make the trade?

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:48Bill Simmons?

  Second rounder, second rounder and a Remandre for Derrick Henry in a fourth.

• 1:16:53Speaker 04

  Even for a week.

• 1:16:54Bill Simmons?

  Can we call it in?

• 1:16:55Speaker 04

  Just trade for a week, a rental.

• 1:16:58Bill Simmons?

  Then trade him back in two weeks.

• 1:17:00Speaker 04

  Airbnb him for the week and then just slaughter the trade.

• 1:17:03Bill Simmons?

  Great if we could do trades like that. Poop fact that Browns Dolphins in Cleveland. And I have no idea who should be favored in this game, but I'm going to say Browns by one and a half.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, you got me here. I said Miami by one. It's Browns by two and a half.

• 1:17:19Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:21Speaker 04

  Is that, I mean, we're right. I mean, they're both cross offs, but Miami's more of a cross off, I guess. So bad.

• 1:17:30Bill Simmons?

  They're, I mean, giving up all that rushing yardage to this guy that was released by the Chargers before the season, then resigned.

• 1:17:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:40Bill Simmons?

  Pretty bad.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:41Bill Simmons?

  Getting, getting beaten in the last 40 seconds by a team that basically had one receiver. Pretty bad.

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  Any chance we see Shador here or did Dylan Gabriel just, uh, do they feel bad for him? Cause he really didn't have a lot of chances.

• 1:17:57Bill Simmons?

  I mean, they should just put Shador in once, they can't lose. If he's good, it'd be like, whoa, he's good. And if he's bad, they never have to have that conversation again, but it makes more sense to plan now.

• 1:18:07Speaker 04

  Which makes me think he's not ready. Like, why wouldn't they put him in? He has to really not be ready to not put, to further embarrass this club.

• 1:18:15Bill Simmons?

  I think that's what's happening.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:18Bill Simmons?

  Panthers at the Jets. I have the Panthers favored. I think the Panthers have a legitimate chance to go four and three here. Panthers minus one and a half is my guess.

• 1:18:26Speaker 04

  All right, I have to check this. I had Panthers by two.

• 1:18:31Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:31Speaker 04

  The Jets are favored by one and a half. You get this one. The Jets are favored. The three and three Panthers are an underdog to the oh and six Jets.

• 1:18:41Bill Simmons?

  Well, so, all right, let's talk this out. That's a, there are two Panthers teams, road Panthers and home Panthers. And road Panthers are bad. It's the only thing I could think of. Sunday night, 49ers, home.

• 1:18:53Speaker 04

  Oh, we just, that's talk, we just talked that out? That's what that was?

• 1:18:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that was it.

• 1:18:58Speaker 04

  Oh, what about, how many versions of the Jets are there? Cause I just see the one that loses every week.

• 1:19:02Bill Simmons?

  I mean, if they can't win this game, are they going to win this season?

• 1:19:06Speaker 04

  You're right. This is, they're not going to be favored the rest of the year.

• 1:19:09Bill Simmons?

  How many wins are left on the schedule?

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  No, they can't be favored by anyone else. I, they're home for Miami though, who just got a raw number against Cleveland.

• 1:19:17Bill Simmons?

  Well, they got their home Browns, week 10.

• 1:19:21Bill Simmons?

  Home Dolphins, week 14. They're at the Saints.

• 1:19:25Speaker 04

  Hmm. No, they won't be favored.

• 1:19:27Bill Simmons?

  Those are our last three chances.

• 1:19:29Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:19:32Bill Simmons?

  Sunday night.

• 1:19:35Bill Simmons?

  49ers Falcons.

• 1:19:38Bill Simmons?

  And uh. This line could move if the Falcons look good against Buffalo tomorrow would be my guess, but right now I have a 49ers by three.

• 1:19:46Speaker 04

  Yep, that's what I had it also. It's exactly what it is.

• 1:19:49Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:19:50Speaker 04

  Think I want my five, six, seven, seven to. 10, 7. Oh, I won.

• 1:19:56Bill Simmons?

  Wow, he took a big haymaker and bounced back. That's resilience. You know what? There's a lot of people could learn from you.

• 1:20:02Speaker 04

  Thanks, buddy.

• 1:20:03Bill Simmons?

  That's how to just suck it up. Just move on to the next week. It's impressive. Monday night Lions Bucks.

• 1:20:13Bill Simmons?

  It's in Detroit.

• 1:20:15Bill Simmons?

  And it feels like the Bucks are going to be missing at least their first three receivers. I don't know if Buck Irving's playing. I have Lions minus three.

• 1:20:23Speaker 04

  I had two and a half.

• 1:20:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  It's five and a half.

• 1:20:27Bill Simmons?

  Oof. So that's pricing in all the injuries.

• 1:20:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, but come on. Wait, don't we?

• 1:20:33Bill Simmons?

  That's too high.

• 1:20:34Speaker 04

  Are they gonna get slaughtered Tampa Bay? Or are they Baker gonna have a chance to win it in the fourth quarter?

• 1:20:40Bill Simmons?

  Oh, our special guest is here. Let's, let's guess this last one really fast.

• 1:20:43Speaker 04

  There he is.

• 1:20:44Bill Simmons?

  Seahawks Texans in Seattle. I have Seahawks minus two now.

• 1:20:49Speaker 04

  Jimmy, guess for me because I already won, so it's, it's okay. This is, you can screw this up. Yeah.

• 1:20:53Speaker 05

  I go Seahawks minus three and a half.

• 1:20:56Speaker 04

  All right.

• 1:20:56Bill Simmons?

  You split it. It's three.

• 1:20:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:58Bill Simmons?

  All right. Great job, Jimmy.

• 1:21:00Speaker 04

  It's a, it's a rookie mistake. You should have, you need to price his right him. If he says two and a half and you think it's three or three, you should have gone three.

• 1:21:07Speaker 05

  I have too much integrity for that. You know that stuff.

• 1:21:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that is true. All right. Okay. Today's parent corner is presented by Uber Eats. Let's be real, wouldn't be game day without a spread of your favorite foods, pizza, burgers, burritos. You name it. Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long. We're delivering as a special guest for parent corner. Controversial late night host Jimmy Kimmel is here, our cousin.

• 1:21:32Speaker 04

  He really is.

• 1:21:33Bill Simmons?

  Just a brother in controversy.

• 1:21:35Speaker 04

  Occasional late night host.

• 1:21:38Speaker 05

  By the way, I think I'm spending somewhere in the neighborhood of between forty and eighty thousand dollars a year on Uber Eats now. I'm not sure what it is, but it's really, it's, it's a problem. It's too easy now.

• 1:21:51Bill Simmons?

  It's too easy.

• 1:21:51Speaker 04

  This doesn't count as a parent corner story, but Jimmy, your mom showed me a picture of the bag that the Uber Eats delivery driver left on her front porch and said, please tip me well.

• 1:22:07Speaker 04

  She was really bent out of shape about it. She's like, I was gonna tip them well. Why? I don't understand this.

• 1:22:14Bill Simmons?

  Why did you say that?

• 1:22:16Bill Simmons?

  Jimmy, we had, we wanted to have you on for a variety of reasons for parent corner, but your son is in the all time sweet spot for parent corner. I went through it when my son Ben was around this age. It was just a smorgasbord of stories and then Sal just went through with Harrison and now you're, you're beloved young Billy. It's in the sweet spot right now for him.

• 1:22:38Speaker 05

  Billy's eight years old now and there are a lot of kids in our family and my, as my father said, this is the weirdest one.

• 1:22:48Speaker 05

  He's, you know, he's into a lot of the normal kid stuff, the eight year old stuff like Roblox and Mr. Beast, but also obsessed with death in a weird way, like tornadoes and tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes. He always wants to know if they're good, if they're coming, if they're gonna, and he also wants to know who will get them if we die. If Molly, my wife and I die, who will get cut? Where will they live? And he wants all the details on who it is. It almost gets to the point where it feels like he's hoping it happens.

• 1:23:28Speaker 04

  Well, wait a minute. Did you tell them? Did you tell?

• 1:23:30Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. What was the answer? I remember it was more shouldn't the answer?

• 1:23:33Speaker 05

  You know what? We don't know the answer. I think we had a plan like when they were babies, but now like now my older kids are like each married and so it probably would make most sense that they would live with their sister and brother and in some way, but it

• 1:23:48Bill Simmons?

  Well, now you have an answer.

• 1:23:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, I guess so. But then which one do we pick? And then do we even we tell? Do we tell the people we picked?

• 1:23:57Speaker 04

  No, it's a nice surprise. I think you might have been considering

• 1:24:00Bill Simmons?

  They find out later.

• 1:24:01Speaker 04

  Me for a second. And then you saw House Eats three and the vomiting. You said, we can't go on.

• 1:24:06Bill Simmons?

  No, you were the leader in the clubhouse until Brad, you get custody of him two weekends a year.

• 1:24:12Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 1:24:12Bill Simmons?

  That was the deal breaker for Jimmy.

• 1:24:14Speaker 04

  Queer the deal for anybody.

• 1:24:15Bill Simmons?

  The Labor Days with Brad, he couldn't do it. So give us some of the highlights because I got to see young Billy in action a couple of weeks ago.

• 1:24:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:23Bill Simmons?

  I'm not going to say it was a tense atmosphere before your first show back, but you know, they people were moving around. Pete was emotional and then he showed up and had a water gun and was just antagonizing and attacking everybody and lighten the mood.

• 1:24:36Speaker 05

  He sees the, when they come to the office, he just sees it's just a bunch of adults as his victims. And we actually had a stern talk with him afterwards. Like you can't, because like nobody could say anything to him. He's the host's kid, you know?

• 1:24:51Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:24:52Speaker 05

  And I think somewhere down deep inside, he senses that because he goes absolutely wild. It's also probably the free snacks at the craft service table have something to do with it.

• 1:25:01Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:25:02Speaker 05

  But he is, I mean, he and his penis are like Starsky and Hutch. They are a, a team that cannot be separated and every story goes to his penis. I mean, he's, he really, I think his, his greatest move was he's walking around the house and he's got his dick out. And I go, all right, put your penis away. And he's like, what? I see, put your penis, put your pants on and put your penis away. And Molly, my wife's like, you know, Billy, okay, all right, it's funny, but put your penis away.

• 1:25:42Speaker 05

  He's like, it's not, my penis is not out. And he kept a straight face and insisted that his penis wasn't out and then started crying like as if, as one would if his penis wasn't out. And he's just like, why are you saying this? It's not, why are you saying my penis is out? It's not out and it's fucking out. And you just like, you don't know what to do, you know? Because it's out, number one, but part of you really admires this insane avenue that he's chosen to walk down. And then the other part doesn't want him to do it at school, you know?

• 1:26:20Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:26:21Speaker 04

  So it's really hard.

• 1:26:22Bill Simmons?

  It goes from adorable and hilarious to an actual issue.

• 1:26:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:27Bill Simmons?

  Pretty fast.

• 1:26:27Speaker 05

  It hasn't become an issue yet. I mean, like he, he's shy with, with like people outside of the house. Like he, he said he doesn't like to shoot his, the doctors to see his, his penis. And we're like, well, who do you like to see your penis? He said, my cousins.

• 1:26:45Speaker 05

  He also.

• 1:26:46Speaker 04

  What if we all, what if we all wore scrubs? Would that, you think, put an end to it?

• 1:26:51Speaker 05

  I think it's important for context to know that he dresses now like Aaron Paul in the first season of Breaking Bad. Like he'll wear like a skull cap and jewelry. He's got a gold chain that he thinks is very valuable that I bought him for like eight bucks on Amazon. He's always in black. And if he's not in black, he's in something absolutely crazy.

• 1:27:14Bill Simmons?

  That sounds good for Hollywood Boulevard.

• 1:27:17Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like, um, he looks like, like a skateboarder from the eighties, but he doesn't ride a skateboard. So we come down in the morning and he's eating tortilla chips. And Molly says, who told you you could eat tortilla chips in the morning? And he just goes, thinks for a second and he goes, my penis.

• 1:27:44Speaker 05

  He also squeezes, he likes to grab our asses, not just with one hand, but two hands. It'll just really, and he'll, he'll make sounds like an old pervert, but like,

• 1:27:56Speaker 05

  he says to Molly, her last name's McNearny, he goes, ooh, squishy McNearny.

• 1:28:09Speaker 05

  Squeezing his friend Mo's ass at school. He's got a handful of Mo, his best friend Mo's ass. And he's holding a book and the book is a photo book that Mo's mother has made for Billy. And on the front of the book, Billy is also squeezing Mo's ass. So it's like, like if you're to hold it up to a mirror, you'd see infinity of Billy squeezing.

• 1:28:35Speaker 05

  And then he does the fun little things like he'll take Molly's chapstick and just start applying it to his penis.

• 1:28:42Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 1:28:45Speaker 05

  Molly said, I actually overheard her say this and I wrote it down. Put on your clothes. Your penis is not entertainment.

• 1:28:55Speaker 04

  So she thinks.

• 1:28:59Bill Simmons?

  That could, that could help, that could help ABC's fall lineup.

• 1:29:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:29:03Bill Simmons?

  Your penis is not entertainment on Tuesday nights on NBC.

• 1:29:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:29:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's very, um, he's into all the bad things that boys are into, uh.

• 1:29:14Bill Simmons?

  Not, not farting, not, not the farting poop area, not really?

• 1:29:18Speaker 05

  Farting for sure, pooping, you know, he loves to fart. He will, he'll get naked and just like, just sit right on my head and fart while I'm sleeping. Morning, he gets in bed with us and he just gets upside down in the bed, just puts both of his feet right in my, right in my mouth, like right in my face. Trying to sleep. He said his, um, his favorite dinner is dream dinner, dinner is cereal with prime. You know that?

• 1:29:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29:48Speaker 05

  That shit, uh, Logan Paul or Jake Paul sells that like poisonous drink?

• 1:29:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's his dream dinner. And.

• 1:29:55Bill Simmons?

  Cereal and prime.

• 1:29:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, cereal and prime. That's his dream.

• 1:29:59Bill Simmons?

  And that's, that's like for an eight year old, like a bump of cocaine or something.

• 1:30:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we're going to Ireland with my family next week, you know?

• 1:30:09Speaker 05

  And um, he uh, I don't know if he decided this or my dad decided it's, but they decided they're gonna have a sip of beer together in a pub.

• 1:30:19Bill Simmons?

  Oh, nice. Interesting. That should go well.

• 1:30:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, that should be great.

• 1:30:25Bill Simmons?

  Is there anyone in the Southern California area that your dad hasn't told yet that he's going to Ireland? Or there's still like 10 people left?

• 1:30:32Speaker 05

  There's nobody. Um, the number of texts.

• 1:30:35Bill Simmons?

  He got through everybody? Okay.

• 1:30:36Speaker 05

  Can we talk about parents? I guess we can.

• 1:30:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Oh, it's all, all parents and kids are eligible.

• 1:30:42Speaker 05

  For God's sake, this man, there, the details, the texts are, uh, right now, first of all, I know the exchange rate, the exchange rate for Euro for the whole year, like from January, what it was, what it is today, and what a shame it is that it's, it was, we didn't get this money exchanged in January, because it was, you'd save 15 cents on, um, for each dollar. Um, I know how many pounds are allowed in his luggage? He wanted to know because you can get up to 70 pounds. If he should bring two pieces of luggage with, under 70 pounds, or add a third, uh, uh, you know,

• 1:31:22Speaker 05

  just like all these crazy questions he's asking us. Um, it, there, we're having a big family reunion with our Irish family and, um, he keeps reminding us that one member of the family, this kid who had the same heart surgery Billy had, is gonna be there. And he's now reminded us of this six times. And Molly and I are, are the over under's 11 on it. So, we still have a few days, but, um, the 11 is what we're, we're shooting for.

• 1:31:51Bill Simmons?

  I was thinking that should be, you know, those ads, they have the old people ads where it's like, this is wrong and you could take this. And that, that would be the ultimate one is to not tell the same story 10 to 20 times.

• 1:32:03Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:04Bill Simmons?

  You've got some certain age as a parent and it's just, did I tell you that blah, blah, blah?

• 1:32:08Speaker 05

  It's like, yeah. Insurance commercial.

• 1:32:10Bill Simmons?

  Told me 20 minutes ago that you told me the same story.

• 1:32:12Speaker 05

  If, when you tell them, yeah, you told me that story. They have to finish it. It doesn't matter.

• 1:32:19Bill Simmons?

  They finish it anyway.

• 1:32:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, so they got started and they're gonna finish it and you'll go like, there's no one else in the room right now. Like, who are you telling this to? I told you, you told me this story already.

• 1:32:32Bill Simmons?

  They're on Broadway, like, doing a performance. They just don't care who the audience is.

• 1:32:35Speaker 04

  Or you have to hit a quota at the end of the month, like a cop given speeding tickets or parking tickets like that. Maybe there's a number in their head they have to hit.

• 1:32:43Speaker 05

  Let me read you a text that Molly sent to me last night. She said, "I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you your dad just came to the door with Todd, Todd's our dog, and was mid-sentence about his great-great-grandfather when I opened the door, and then just went through his entire genealogy. I think I said three words and then he said, 'All right, gotta go.'"

• 1:33:10Bill Simmons?

  Meanwhile, these are the texts I get from my mom, whose name is Jan. This is just out of nowhere and solicited on October 4th. "Do I have Janheimers, or did I never watch another nine and a half weeks? Is this pre or post Wild Orchard?"

• 1:33:26Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 1:33:26Bill Simmons?

  Text from my 70-year-old mom.

• 1:33:28Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 1:33:28Speaker 05

  And does she pronounce it Orchard, or is that you?

• 1:33:31Bill Simmons?

  That's just me. Orchard. Yeah, that's just me. That's my...

• 1:33:37Bill Simmons?

  So who is the funniest texting parent? Sal, what are your parents from a texting standpoint?

• 1:33:43Speaker 04

  Well, my father's got gorilla hands and gorilla brain, too, so he can't really text. He doesn't know how to text, but my mother's pretty crazy.

• 1:33:51Bill Simmons?

  So he doesn't text at all? Your mother's like a big social media person.

• 1:33:53Speaker 04

  We featured some of my mother's texts on Jimmy Kimmel Live. She's just a lunatic, all caps, all knowing everything, and voice texting it, too, so it all comes out ridiculous.

• 1:34:04Speaker 05

  I get a lot of good texts from your mom, you want to hear? I think I got one just the other day.

• 1:34:12Speaker 05

  I mean, mostly complimentary, but there's also... A lot of times, they're, you know, give me a tip. "Oh, my friend is the executive producer of this documentary. She is a retired judge. Thought you should see this." And then there's a two-hour documentary she wants me to watch on my phone.

• 1:34:36Speaker 04

  My mother's name is Fran and she changed, on the phone, she changed her name to Melanie. You know, it'll say like, maybe, it says, maybe Melanie, maybe Melanie. I was like, what? You know what? I'm just gonna change it to Melanie. Now she's Melanie in my phone. So I call her Melanie. She hates it. Okay, don't go by that. I don't even know what the hell that is. Don't do that. But it's clearly something she did in the settings or something.

• 1:35:02Bill Simmons?

  My mom sends me texts like these thought provoking texts out of nowhere, like, I'm not even 100% sure OJ did it. That'll just be the text. It'll just be there, no context or anything. I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, that's, that's my, uh, my dad's way more normal.

• 1:35:18Speaker 05

  I know Sells on, on this too. The only texts I really get from my mother are her, her daily Wordle and connections.

• 1:35:25Bill Simmons?

  I get connections, yeah.

• 1:35:26Speaker 05

  Wordle and connections every day, every day. I never respond to them. I mean, I'm looking through them right now. There's, there are like 50 of them and I've never responded to a single one of them, but I keep getting them every day.

• 1:35:43Speaker 04

  Can I tell you, I get them from her too, and it, it ruins my day. I love hearing from her, but she'll wake up at like 4:30 in the morning. So she'll get it done first and she'll always write, this was too easy. And I'm like, god damn it. Now I can't get even one wrong, right? So now I have to get four for four. And if I don't get perfect, it's like, ah, she did it again.

• 1:36:03Speaker 05

  Wednesday, 4:51 a.m. Wordle score. Thursday, oh, she slept in, 7:10 a.m. Friday, 5:42 a.m. Saturday, 5:42 a.m. I mean, it's insanity.

• 1:36:18Bill Simmons?

  Jimmy, does your, do either of your parents still do the thing where somebody recognized them and they tell you about it? Like, it's gonna be this amazing story about how they got recognized, but you immediately know by the twinkle in their eye before the story starts where the story's gonna be and what it is?

• 1:36:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, although it's hard for my parents because it's hard to get recognized when you're shouting your son's name at strangers before they even speak to you. You know, it's a little bit different. My Aunt Chippy, our Aunt Chippy, I should say. Um, uh, she told me three times in the span of 24 hours that, um, Garth from Mazda sends his best. There's a guy named Garth that works at a Mazda dealership in Las Vegas, who, uh, one time provided Aunt Chippy with a car. I've never met Garth. But, um, the third time she was about to tell me, she goes, oh, did I tell you?

• 1:37:16Speaker 05

  Did I tell you who reached out? I go, Garth from Mazda? She's like, yeah, Garth from Mazda.

• 1:37:23Speaker 04

  This is a huge, huge regard for Mazda.

• 1:37:26Bill Simmons?

  That should be your mom's next thing for her phone, Sal. She could be Garth from Mazda instead of Melanie.

• 1:37:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:37:33Bill Simmons?

  Wait, Jimmy, what about your, your daughter? No, or have you hit that point now? Is she too cool to hang out with you yet? Or is that happening in real time?

• 1:37:40Speaker 05

  And, um, I like to find out what kind of like the, the new lingo that the kids are using. And then I just drop it in, in the middle and she hates it so much. It is so funny. Apparently battylicious is, uh, something that they're saying. And so we were having dinner last night and I knew she'd said battylicious. They went to the Chapel Rowan concert. Uh, my wife and, uh, and daughter and, uh, she called some woman who was all dressed up battylicious. And so I was eat, last night we were eating, uh, Chinese food. I was like, oh, this is battylicious. And she just like looks at me like.

• 1:38:20Bill Simmons?

  They get so mad, right?

• 1:38:23Speaker 05

  And Molly does a bit called cool mom, where she's like, Jane, you're so lucky. You got a cool mom. And she starts like dancing around like, and Jane really like genuinely hates it. It's not even like a joke. Like she hates it. Like she'll pull her aside and say, please, please stop doing that. Stop doing that. For some reason they tolerate my nonsense more, but also like.

• 1:38:46Speaker 05

  Nothing I say, you know, nothing I say is ever serious. So it's

• 1:38:50Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:51Speaker 05

  It's part of, but yeah, that's, that's the big thing. She also just started her new season of basketball. And she scored four points today, which is huge. She has not scored before. And, but she plays like the, the level of intensity with which she plays is insane is like, like a young Dennis Rodman. I mean, she is like just running as hard as she can. She was, she's pretty tall, you know? And she was assigned to guard this little girl who was about half her size today. And she would not, I mean, you would, she was glued to this kid, this poor kid the whole time. She did not let up on this kid and this kid had no chance of scoring, you know, even with it.

• 1:39:36Speaker 05

  If this kid was alone on the court, she had no chance of scoring, but Jane was up this kid's ass. And um, she is so serious. It's really funny to watch her play. And she wound up scoring a couple of baskets. So she was very pleased with herself tonight.

• 1:39:52Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I miss those days.

• 1:39:54Speaker 05

  And she's wearing deodorant now too.

• 1:39:56Bill Simmons?

  Deodorant?

• 1:39:57Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:39:58Speaker 04

  Dennis Rodman never wore deodorant. So there's the difference.

• 1:40:02Speaker 05

  She said, Hey, can I have um, some deodorant? I was like, uh, yeah, I guess.

• 1:40:08Bill Simmons?

  Sal, did you have a parent corner? Cause I gave mine to Jimmy.

• 1:40:11Speaker 04

  I did. And I think this is a good one for all of us. Um, so Saturday morning,

• 1:40:17Speaker 04

  Harrison, my 12 year old approaches me and is like, can we play golf? I know you're busy, but can we, is there a way we could play golf this morning? I'm like, oh Jesus. There's so many good college football games. He doesn't have a tournament. I just wanted to veg out, you know? And so now I have to weigh my gambling addiction with my duty to be a good parent, which I'm not addicted to. So, um, and I ask everyone, nobody else wants to go golfing. So it's just me and him, uh, no one else in the family. So, we have 90 minutes before the Oregon game. So we go to that hotel golf course, couple of miles away on a Rosecrans. And I am bad. I am so bad at golf, like my swing, uh, people say they're Bad. I am really fucking bad. Like Charles Barkley would would giggle like a schoolgirl if he saw my swing.

• 1:41:03Speaker 04

  And if I have a driver, I could hit it 180 yards or 35 yards. And there's no rhyme or reason. There's no what, you know, why I would get one more than the other. And like my Harrison has like a classic, smooth, baseball, golf, hybrid swing, but I'm more powerful. So I should beat him. And I'm beating him by three going into the seventh hole. I'm beating him by two going into the eighth hole. I'm beating him by one going into the ninth hole.

• 1:41:30Bill Simmons?

  Oh, God.

• 1:41:30Speaker 04

  And I'm like, I can't fucking lose to this guy. There's no way I can lose. And I need to make a five foot putt, which I had not been doing all day. To to secure the win. And I did it and I was giddy and he didn't even care that he lost because he's like, you're an old man who's done this. Yeah, you've played all your life, but it got me thinking like, what age do you have in your mind that you would be okay with your kid beating you? At every sport like I think like golf, I would say 19. He would have to be 19. I think basketball, because I'm short, I would say 14. Tennis, around 17, 18.

• 1:42:13Speaker 04

  Uh, in a race, I would say 16 because I'm I I'm fat fast. You know that Jimmy. So I I'm gonna try to hang on to that.

• 1:42:21Bill Simmons?

  You are. You really are quick.

• 1:42:22Speaker 05

  Thank you. It's because you have a 22 inch inseam and like your legs are like a like cartoon legs, you know, they just they get a lot of movement.

• 1:42:32Bill Simmons?

  He's like Fred Flintstone. He goes really fast.

• 1:42:35Speaker 04

  You guys could slow down on the compliments here, but as a no, but so do you guys have ages for when you when it's allowable to be beaten by?

• 1:42:43Speaker 05

  What about boxing?

• 1:42:45Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Well, hopefully I never find out about that.

• 1:42:48Bill Simmons?

  An actual fight, like a UFC fight.

• 1:42:51Speaker 04

  Like Pommel Horse thirty seven. No, I don't know.

• 1:42:54Bill Simmons?

  Everything is before twenty.

• 1:42:56Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:42:56Speaker 05

  I've been playing chess with Billy and that's another one that I just don't let him win. I just won't.

• 1:43:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can't.

• 1:43:02Speaker 05

  Right. Like, I'm just never gonna let him win. He's gonna have to beat me because I feel like when he does beat me, which he will eventually, that it will be much more exciting and satisfying for him.

• 1:43:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:43:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:43:14Bill Simmons?

  But I've had that argument with my wife too, because I never intentionally lost anything to my kids ever. My wife made her mad a couple of times. Like, really? You couldn't let Ben win the one Monopoly game? I'm like, well, what kind of lesson is that? Then if he actually wins, he won't know that he achieved the win.

• 1:43:32Speaker 05

  I'm waiting on that.

• 1:43:32Bill Simmons?

  Letting him win does nothing.

• 1:43:34Speaker 05

  But physical sports is worse, though, right? Isn't that like, I don't know, you lose your vulnerability a little bit.

• 1:43:41Bill Simmons?

  I would think like, what is the bigger ego blow for the dad? I think losing a race would be number one.

• 1:43:49Speaker 05

  That's tough.

• 1:43:50Bill Simmons?

  Like, when your kid's faster than you. Like, fundamentally, the most primal thing you can do other than fight is race somebody. And the moment they're faster than you, I would think that's, that's, that's like, both they're faster than you and also you'd feel old.

• 1:44:03Speaker 05

  It's all bad. If Ben beat you in tennis right now, how mad would you be?

• 1:44:07Bill Simmons?

  He'd never beat me because I would psychologically, just I would make him mad. He would melt down. Like, tennis is the easiest sport. Somebody can be better than you and you can still beat them because you just have to fuck with them.

• 1:44:18Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 1:44:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:20Speaker 05

  You do, I always do feel like you have the edge over your little brother or your, you know, whatever it is. If you have that, like, childhood edge over them, that you always maintain it in some way.

• 1:44:34Bill Simmons?

  Right. Yeah. So if you know where the pressure points are, you can go. Like, my wife plays tennis six times a week. I could still beat her anytime we play. Because I can always, I can always get her rattle and I can do stuff.

• 1:44:48Speaker 05

  When I was dating Sarah Silverman, she lived in a condo complex that had a tennis court. And I was just like, oh, why don't we, we never, you know, we've never, you got a court at your house, we should play. She's like, yeah, you're right. So, you know, I get my tennis racket and she gets her tennis racket and we go down to the court and we play and she beats me and that was the last time we ever played.

• 1:45:14Speaker 04

  Okay, so how old does your ex-girlfriend have to be before you're okay?

• 1:45:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Chess is a good one. Scrabble is always fun. Like, the board games are the ones.

• 1:45:26Speaker 04

  Scrabble.

• 1:45:27Bill Simmons?

  When your kid can be with a board game.

• 1:45:28Speaker 04

  Eighty-five, yeah. Jimmy has too much of an advantage on something like Scrabble.

• 1:45:33Bill Simmons?

  We did sneakers for rewatchables for Monday with Robert Redford. And there's a big Scrabble scene in it. And we were talking about whether Scrabble is still as relevant as it was when they made the movie in ninety-two, when it was completely one of the most relevant board games. And the argument my co-host made was that it still is completely relevant. I have no idea.

• 1:45:53Speaker 05

  More so if you count Words with Friends as Scrabble, which it is. You know, because a lot of people play Words with Friends, and it's Scrabble. It's just a slightly different shaped board. So, you know, Boggle's the next thing. I've been, I've been playing Boggle on the toilet for quite some time now, and they actually ruined the app on the iPhone. It stinks now. But I've been seeing Boggle in the, in the future. And then I was at this event last week, and Netflix is putting Boggle on their platform as a game that you can play against others on TV through your phone.

• 1:46:33Speaker 05

  And I was like, god damn it, I knew it. I should have gotten in on the, some kind of Boggle stock or something.

• 1:46:41Speaker 04

  Are they gonna air people on the toilet playing each other? How does that, or you just?

• 1:46:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, you go to a public restroom and you line up and you tap toes, and then you know that it's time to play.

• 1:46:55Bill Simmons?

  I did have a bone to pick with Jimmy. He went on Colbert's show.

• 1:46:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:46:58Bill Simmons?

  And he told the story about when he found out his show wasn't gonna air, but he was in the bathroom when he found out.

• 1:47:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:47:05Bill Simmons?

  And there were natural follow-up questions that. Colbert just didn't ask and I just feel like if there's a career type thing that happens to you when you're in the bathroom, this is your exclusive home for those stories.

• 1:47:17Speaker 05

  That's true.

• 1:47:18Bill Simmons?

  And you forgot that and hurt my feelings.

• 1:47:20Speaker 05

  Well, everything big happens in the bathroom because it's the only place where people can't hear what I'm saying. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that that's the case because I've never been out in my office while someone was in the bathroom talking. So I should probably test it to make sure it is.

• 1:47:36Bill Simmons?

  Soundproof your bathroom.

• 1:47:38Speaker 05

  I think it's soundproof, but I don't know for sure. But you know what I do because I have five guys in my office. When I have to take a call that's private, I go in the bathroom.

• 1:47:48Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:49Speaker 05

  And so, and it's weird.

• 1:47:51Bill Simmons?

  I think it's soundproof because they would tell me if they could hear you and they're just always like, something's up, something's up. I know. But yeah, so you're good. Well, when I worked for you and, and I started coming in and helping you out in the office every day and I was the one person there and then you would go in there for a while.

• 1:48:07Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:48:08Bill Simmons?

  And get a lot of stuff done. And I just got used to it after a while. It seemed totally normal to me. But I thought that was like where you got some of your best work.

• 1:48:15Speaker 05

  I do often tell people that you credit me with inventing, taking the laptop onto the toilet.

• 1:48:23Bill Simmons?

  Well, you had that. You were the first one I'd seen with the laptop desk. You had an actual desk to put the, so the heat from the laptop wouldn't send your privates. Picking up before we go. Oh wait, so you're going to Ireland, Jimmy?

• 1:48:36Speaker 05

  I am, yeah.

• 1:48:37Bill Simmons?

  With the fam. But we did have to, we had to say something about our friend Alex who passed away this year.

• 1:48:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, Alex Wallow, one of the great, all time greats. He was the president of ABC when we started there and was really our like, our biggest champion and supporter. For whatever reason, we took a liking to each other right at the outset. And Alex, Alex passed away at 81 years old. He, he got, he was diagnosed with stage four cancer in 1987.

• 1:49:12Bill Simmons?

  Crazy.

• 1:49:13Speaker 05

  He, he had six months to live in 1987 and he was the toughest guy and the funniest guy. You know, Al Michaels was one of his best friends and. I don't think he'd mind me sharing this story because Al was at his bedside this week when the great Alex Waller passed away and he said he Al said, I took his hand and he said his hand was really strong, like really for a person who was, you know, had hours to live, he was really strong and Alex, at this time, he wasn't particularly verbal, he'd only said like a word here or there. He's, he's semi-conscious, he's laying in bed and

• 1:49:55Speaker 05

  he takes his hand and then Al puts his hand on top of the other hand and they're, they got four hands kind of holding each other and Al kisses Alex on the forehead and Alex takes his hand out of the pile and he points to his lips. He wants a, Al to kiss him on the lips. And so Al kisses him on the lips and Alex says, what a way to go.

• 1:50:21Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:50:24Speaker 04

  That's amazing.

• 1:50:25Speaker 05

  Kind of all you need to know about Alex because he was always funny no matter what was going on. Yeah.

• 1:50:33Bill Simmons?

  He was a huge champion of the show in the early days.

• 1:50:35Speaker 04

  Early days, up till his very last day.

• 1:50:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, but I mean, when we really needed somebody in the early parts.

• 1:50:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:50:42Speaker 04

  Fan of the show too, fat, right?

• 1:50:44Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:50:46Speaker 04

  About what he didn't like.

• 1:50:47Bill Simmons?

  Every time I ran into him, he would, he would read the column in the pod and every time I ran into him, he was just, it was like we had a seven minute conversation before the conversation were about that. He was just right into like, I can't believe you said that about Eli. And then he's just, just in and he'd be going and Jimmy, I think for Christmas one year, took all these, Alex was yelling at me about something for like 15 minutes.

• 1:51:13Speaker 05

  I think it was something.

• 1:51:15Bill Simmons?

  I think I made a joke about Al on a podcast and he was furious about it and he was just berating me about it in a good natured way, but, and Jimmy was so delighted, he just started taking pictures of us and then made this collage photo frame thing that he gave to me that I still have. But he was, Alex was a man of passion, like he really, when he was riled up, he was riled up. Yeah. And he was an amazing boxing guy. I mean, he was one of the first great boxing.

• 1:51:40Speaker 04

  Kids, like I knew, I didn't know.

• 1:51:42Speaker 05

  Before you know Jimmy. Yeah. Doing boxing analysis and and interviews in the ring and then somehow became president of the whole network, which I still I still don't understand how it happened. You know, it's it's just, I don't think he ever really understood how it happened either. But he was just a great guy and his wife Martha, a great person. They're really, really strong people with a great marriage. And he was the best.

• 1:52:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Good one. Really good person to know. Great career. Cool guy. All right. Jimmy.

• 1:52:16Speaker 04

  All right, now let's do Diane Keaton.

• 1:52:19Bill Simmons?

  I mean.

• 1:52:21Speaker 05

  She was pretty great, too. I got the sense that Diane Keaton had a little crush on me, to be honest.

• 1:52:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, remember that? That was fun.

• 1:52:28Speaker 05

  Our last couple of appearances and the feeling was mutual.

• 1:52:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:52:33Bill Simmons?

  Is there an All-Star team of I had a feeling they might have had a crush on me?

• 1:52:37Speaker 05

  Well, you know, it's it's not a full five. I mean, you could call it an All-Star team, but there aren't many on the list and most of them are men.

• 1:52:49Speaker 04

  Al Michaels kissed him on the mouth once.

• 1:52:53Bill Simmons?

  All right. Today's parrot corner presented by Uber Eats. Get almost anything for game day like your favorite game day foods, drinks and snacks on Uber Eats, the official on-demand delivery partner of the NFL. Order now. Jimmy, anything to plug? Your late night show? Any news? Any agent news? Do you still have an agent?

• 1:53:10Speaker 05

  I still have a job, which is good. I don't have an agent. I have a manager.

• 1:53:15Bill Simmons?

  Who's crazy.

• 1:53:16Speaker 04

  Manager.

• 1:53:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:53:18Bill Simmons?

  So I heard, Sal, do you want to tell the Brooklyn parking space story?

• 1:53:23Speaker 04

  I don't, Jimmy didn't even know about that until I told him, our Jimmy's publicist, Louis K was all up in arms because when Jimmy, you did the show at the BAM in Brooklyn, Jimmy came alive and then had to immediately travel to do Colbert's show.

• 1:53:38Speaker 05

  Tuesday night, Colbert's on my show and then I'm going to go do his show. So he has to change his whole schedule around, you know, to do this. And I have to race and it's an hour's drive from our studio in Brooklyn to his studio in in Midtown. And what happens when we get there? So.

• 1:53:56Speaker 04

  Well, baby had taken your, you know, the very, you know, obviously this is a highly charged time for you and they want to make sure that when you're outside, you can get right into the studio. And so they had a parking lot set up, a parking space that would require about 10 steps. And baby doll swept, swooped into that spot and took it from you. And I think you had to park at least across the street and maybe down a little bit. Yeah.

• 1:54:26Speaker 04

  But he didn't care. He didn't really, he wasn't remorseful at all.

• 1:54:30Speaker 05

  That's the thing. He has no shame. There's no shame at all.

• 1:54:32Bill Simmons?

  Did he at least move the car? So when you left the show?

• 1:54:35Speaker 04

  They moved it for him. Yeah, yeah. He, he had to give up his keys. He wasn't happy apparently, but yeah, that's what, that's what happens.

• 1:54:42Speaker 05

  That's baby for you.

• 1:54:43Speaker 04

  My name is Chuck and I don't give a fuck.

• 1:54:46Bill Simmons?

  And as, as all this stuff was happening in your career, he was, he was handling it from the streets of Martha's Vineyard?

• 1:54:53Speaker 05

  He was, were it not for Zoom, I don't know that I would be employed today.

• 1:54:59Bill Simmons?

  He said it was 20 hours a day. What, what was the actual number for him? He said it was 20 hours a day for him was the number he quoted.

• 1:55:08Speaker 05

  I, I don't, it's hard to say because um, a lot of it was him talking to other people. It couldn't have been because there's no way it was 20 hours.

• 1:55:17Speaker 04

  Because it couldn't have been. Yeah.

• 1:55:19Bill Simmons?

  I mean, there's 24 hours in a day. So he's saying 20 of the 24.

• 1:55:22Speaker 05

  He did tell me his wife, Tanya, he goes, you know what? Tanya has been great to roll. She, Tanya has been, I really, I really.

• 1:55:30Bill Simmons?

  I'm sure that was a relief.

• 1:55:31Speaker 05

  So understanding. She's been so great. And I'm sitting here thinking like, great. You're, you're still in Martha's Vineyard. Like you're still going to this wedding.

• 1:55:43Speaker 05

  I'm in, I'm in turmoil right now.

• 1:55:46Speaker 04

  No, but she let me during the cocktail hour. You know, they're handing out the nice pigs in the blanket, but I got out to make a 10 minute phone call. So, you know, she understood.

• 1:55:56Bill Simmons?

  So was he like on speakerphone during some of these huge meetings? Like, how did this work?

• 1:56:02Speaker 05

  Zoom. Yeah. Yeah, Zoom. So we could really see him. But even the Zooms were like, he, he's in a place that's just ridiculous, you know, like, like clearly, clearly like a, at his vacation home, he is like nine shades of tan. He is so tan, you can barely see his face, like, just barely.

• 1:56:24Bill Simmons?

  Just to lighten the Zoom, so you can actually make out his features?

• 1:56:27Speaker 05

  In our big meeting, he was wearing a white shirt and he was like burnt umber. And you just really could only see his, like, a little bit of his eyes. And then, of course, if on the occasion, he would smile, you'd see his teeth, and then a little flash of cigarette.

• 1:56:45Bill Simmons?

  Oh, man.

• 1:56:45Speaker 04

  Right, like a little drift of smoke. That's what I need to pull up with marinara sauce. Whenever he's wearing a white shirt, it just gets me crazy, yeah.

• 1:56:53Bill Simmons?

  Does he, does he speak more or less when he's on the Zoom than when he would in person during these gigantic career altering meetings for you?

• 1:57:00Speaker 05

  It depends who it's with. If he feels they're above him, he speaks less. If he feels they're beneath him, which is almost everyone else, he speaks the whole time.

• 1:57:11Bill Simmons?

  Right. And do we know what wedding he went to that weekend that he couldn't fly back?

• 1:57:15Speaker 05

  His daughter's friend.

• 1:57:18Bill Simmons?

  Okay. Daughter's friend. I'm glad we saw that. Was it like a top three friend? Was it a college roommate?

• 1:57:25Speaker 05

  There's a lot of daughters and there's a lot of friends.

• 1:57:28Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:57:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:57:29Bill Simmons?

  All right. Glad we settled that.

• 1:57:32Bill Simmons?

  Jimmy, have a great time in Ireland. Great to see you. Cousins out. We'll see you on The Ringer, The Ringer Daily Show, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. It's Ringer Sunday pregame on Sunday. And then back here next week. Jimmy, thanks for coming on.

• 1:57:46Speaker 05

  You guys watch games and then talk about them, and that is your actual job.

• 1:57:49Bill Simmons?

  We're so, so happy to be here.

• 1:57:52Speaker 04

  It kicked off at 6:30 this morning. They put these games in London. It used to be one a year, and now it's like six, six straight Sundays they do this.

• 1:58:00Bill Simmons?

  14 straight hours of football there, Jim.

• 1:58:03Speaker 05

  Had you known, maybe you would have chosen a different sport.

• 1:58:06Bill Simmons?

  You're right. Yeah, you're right. Boggles. Yeah, that would have been great. All right, bye, guys. Great to see you.

• 1:58:12Speaker 05

  All right.

• 1:58:13Bill Simmons?

  Sal, see you next week. Bye, Jimmy.

• 1:58:15Speaker 04

  Good job by you.

• 1:58:36Bill Simmons?

  Must be 21 plus and present in select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino, or 18 plus and present in DC, Kentucky, or Wyoming. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 888-797777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut, or mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplineMA.org, or call 800-327-5050 for 24/7 support in Massachusetts, or call 877-8HOPENY, or text HOPENY in New York. This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures Wild Horse 9. John Malkovich and Sam Rockwell, I like those guys, star in the sharp-witted comedy thriller from Academy

• 1:59:18Bill Simmons?

  Award winner Martin McDonagh, writer-director of The Banshees of Inisherin and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, set in the 1970s, filmed on location on Easter Island. Malkovich and Rockwell play CIA agents Chris and Lee, who are caught in a dangerous game of secrets and survival. Also starring Steve Buscemi, another one of my guys, Parker Posey and Tom Waits. Wild Horse 9 is being hailed by critics as a revitalizing shot of pure entertainment, and easily one of the best films of the year. Don't miss Wild Horse 9, only in theaters November 6th. Get tickets now. This episode is brought to you by 7Up. Okay, this one's a case for conspiracy bill. Let's

• 1:59:59Bill Simmons?

  bring them in. Ever noticed lemon is everywhere, from lemon recipes to lemon-scented cleaning supplies? And when it comes to lemon-lime sodas, why is lemon always first? There's a reason. A shadowy organization called the A Lemonade has been padding the stats, keeping big lemon in the lead for decades. But let me tell you something, the sip is about to be flipped. 7Up is fighting back, swapping lemon-lime for their new Lime Lemon Soda. Now lime comes first. 7Up, flip the sip.