Ep 619 - Plus-Sized Problems (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support the P*nty Boys @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Y0o0o0o. The Big Kahuna is in NYC so we got the broz for you. Nate and Lemorp Joe. Hot cast as per usual. Hope you're all having a good week. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wild, wild west.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Can we get some air in here?

• 0:04Matt McCusker?

  You want some AC? I wanna see you sweat.

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  I wanna see you sweat. Oh, just kicked on, just kicked on.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 0:11Matt McCusker?

  Just kicked on.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  It kicks on every, I'm guessing, if I had to guess, I'm guessing the temperature's set at seventy-five.

• 0:16Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  If I had to guess.

• 0:18Matt McCusker?

  I keep it, I keep it a little, seventy-four, I think. I keep it a little high, very good guess. I keep it a little warm for the plants. I have plants.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:24Matt McCusker?

  I don't want to get in chili and free-o in here.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Free-o.

• 0:26Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I saw, I just saw a thing, I don't know, I don't think it'll, it'll break into mainstream news, but apparently this guy was, he had like a plus-size appreciator community and he called it paradise, like pear. It's like pear-shaped.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:41Matt McCusker?

  Paradise.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 0:42Matt McCusker?

  But apparently all wasn't well in paradise. Apparently he was getting a little handsy. So he had set up this like community where plus-size women could just be comfortable and chill in pools in their bikinis and I think he was getting a little handsy.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  I feel like.

• 0:57Matt McCusker?

  There, there's been trouble in paradise, apparently.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I feel like that's what they signed up for paradise for, no?

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  You go to. Well, he, it was his paradise.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Oh, just him and babes?

• 1:06Matt McCusker?

  I thi, I, I don't know. I just, I saw a second and I just thought it was so funny that he had started paradise. And then the, oh, the starter of paradise, allegedly, it's, it's coming out that he might have been engaging in some unsavory practices.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Oh, he definitely, my, get my gut, you come up with paradise?

• 1:24Matt McCusker?

  If you know what paradise.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  My paradise.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  I mean, he was king of the fats.

• 1:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  He was king of the fats. He set it up where he was like, yeah, I think it's important we all. My paradise would be spelled with pog first.

• 1:37Matt McCusker?

  Pog, paradise?

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Pogadice.

• 1:40Matt McCusker?

  But imagine if you, imagine if you were the god of pogadice. How long could you keep that chill of like, I think it's really great that you guys all came out here and you're feeling, then you get in the pool.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  The pool is my drool.

• 1:52Matt McCusker?

  Damn, just you doing chicken fights against pogs?

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  Although you'd have to build the quads up, dude.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01Matt McCusker?

  You can't, you can't let a pog feel you go. At all.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  They would never do.

• 2:06Matt McCusker?

  You can't struggle and you, dude, it's, have you ever, have you ever like had a chick be like, pick me up and you pick him up and he go?

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Never once.

• 2:15Matt McCusker?

  You can't grunt. You can't. You gotta throw all your bodybuilding training out the window and just be like, you gotta act like you're just like lifting air.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  You gotta hit a full ground squat. You gotta go.

• 2:23Matt McCusker?

  When a lady asks me to pick them up, I go, no.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Planet Fitness, you need the lunk alarm when you pick up a big lady.

• 2:35Matt McCusker?

  You cannot lunk, dude. Well, the problem is babes watch all these viral challenges. We're like, look, he picked up his whole family with one arm. And it's like, dude, get the fuck out of here with that.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  I was gonna bring up that. You saw that new challenge?

• 2:46Matt McCusker?

  I've seen all of them, dude. I've seen a guy just carrying a lady like up steep stairs. Yeah, dude, there's a lot of challenges, a lot of lady carrying challenges. My thing is like, ladies chill. You don't want it. You don't want the truth. You don't want to hear your guy go.

• 3:08Matt McCusker?

  Dude, we threw my fucking back out. They're not gonna feel good after that.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Fucking MCL.

• 3:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, your knee goes.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  You power through, but your knee just goes.

• 3:18Matt McCusker?

  That's how you get trouble in paradise. Once we start being like, can you carry me up the steps? Be like, we haven't bit the apple. We're good. We're chill.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Put on a leather weightlifting belt. Put on my knee braces.

• 3:36Matt McCusker?

  Chalk my hands.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would love to know what the starting level of the pool at Paradise was before all the babes got in and it just.

• 3:47Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 3:50Matt McCusker?

  It's like a, it's like a glass with ice cubes in it.

• 3:54Matt McCusker?

  Let's get the, let's get the fucking rundown on Paradise.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  What do you see, Sean?

• 4:01Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I was deep in the fucking news trying to find shit to talk about. I was like, I'm almost positive nobody knows about Paradise. Oh, here we go. Paradise is an online body positive. I can also produce and post podcasts. Paradise is an online body positive community for plus size women that devolved into severe allegations of manipulation, exploitation, coercive dynamics centered in Las Vegas, run by creator Stefan Wilhelmie. The group is subject of the television documentary, Big Girls Wanted, escaping paradise.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Well, that's gotta go on my list. I think that's on Netflix.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Big Girls Wanted?

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Uh, it looks like it's an ABC.

• 4:36Matt McCusker?

  ABC, bro. It's an ABC doc.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Disney Plus. Ass gonna be real matter of fact.

• 4:41Matt McCusker?

  Well, I mean, you know, these, these networks, if you boil it down to dollars, like, you know, these like, tell all investigative journalism documentaries where like, here's a villain and here's like how it worked out. There's teams looking for these things. So. It's on HBO Max.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Hell yeah.

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  That's gonna be a good, escaping paradise is gonna be a good one.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  Especially if you have a BBW yourself and go, I can't believe you mistreated them.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  I would never be.

• 5:10Matt McCusker?

  I would never. If I got entrusted with all these plus size angels.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Oh, it is, it is funny you're saying it would be like when you put a lot of ice cubes in a glass and it just like.

• 5:22Matt McCusker?

  Also imagine getting the wave pool going in the pool. You get the fucking, you got the, you got the, you got the raft, you start getting the waves. All your beautiful pears are.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Just bouncing around. You just stand on the side like.

• 5:35Matt McCusker?

  My thing is like, what happened? I wanna know what happened.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:40Matt McCusker?

  I wanna know what happened, dude. Like what happened in paradise?

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Couldn't control it anymore.

• 5:44Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude, I saw the, uh, like the clips and it is just, it's big babes in bikinis in the pool. Like, I don't know. I don't wanna talk.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Pumpkin babes.

• 5:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:57Matt McCusker?

  They're hefty babes. They're hefty babes. Yeah, that's the thing too. Let me see if I can find, dude, there, I, I just saw a little bit obese babes.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  Two big giant babes laying next to each other tanning. Like, think of how nice it would feel to just lay across both of them.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Like a dog bed.

• 6:15Matt McCusker?

  I'm talking purely tactile. Imagine in the pool, there's, I don't know, nine plus size babes.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  Two of them kinda sandwich you for just a second. You'd be, that's like a Frankenstein machine. You'd be like, I need to get back in between, whatever that space was I was in, I need to get back in there. Just the feel of being like, oh my god.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm surrounded by babe.

• 6:35Matt McCusker?

  It's like a whole body orgasm. You just get completely squished and fat. I don't know.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  I'm surrounded by jelly. Yeah, but like baby jelly, it's still lady jelly.

• 6:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. What'd you say? Is it bad? I don't know.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Well, I don't want to be rude. So, but the, the babes in paradise, I think pear is sort of a

• 6:59Matt McCusker?

  pear shaped.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  Kind term. They're more like kumquats or.

• 7:03Matt McCusker?

  Kumquats are tiny. Kumquats are tiny.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Maybe like a mango.

• 7:09Matt McCusker?

  You think it's mangadice? You think it's watermelon dice?

• 7:12Speaker 03

  It might be watermelon.

• 7:14Matt McCusker?

  I was gonna say from the artwork I saw, these are.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  Not to be mean, I mean, you know.

• 7:17Matt McCusker?

  These might be plus plus.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:19Matt McCusker?

  No, they're big babes. Let's be honest. I'm being body pos.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 7:23Matt McCusker?

  You see SBBW, the super fat?

• 7:25Speaker 01

  Super BBW.

• 7:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it might be SBBW. My thing, I'm body pos. It's, I think it's a, it's going against body pos to trying to say pear. I'm with you, Sean. Be like merely pear shaped. That's like mom. That's like frumpy mom where it's like, oh yeah, I had a couple of kids, paired out. These are big, beautiful women. That's when I'm saying I'm getting trapped between them in a pool.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Matt, that's good. Sad idea, dude. You might want to pitch this Netflix, dude. I don't even fucking know, but like, you know the movie Heavyweights?

• 7:54Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  He did it, but with this.

• 7:55Matt McCusker?

  BBW?

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, BBW.

• 7:57Matt McCusker?

  Paradise?

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Paradise.

• 8:00Matt McCusker?

  But what would the challenge be? A bunch of skinny ladies trying to get lifted by their boyfriends?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  The movie Heavyweights.

• 8:04Matt McCusker?

  And then I, through my training regimen, lift all the fattest women ever and then make their day.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:08Matt McCusker?

  And I become the king of paradise.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  You're the major.

• 8:11Matt McCusker?

  My wife is cool with it because I'm being body pos.

• 8:15Matt McCusker?

  Babe, I'm being fucking body pos. I have to lift these fat women for the business I'm seeing.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Still way the business works.

• 8:23Matt McCusker?

  These are fat body women.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters.

• 8:32Speaker 04

  Tremfya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremfya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremfya, proper training is required. Tremfya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis, serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections, or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremfya today.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more, or visit tremfyaradio.com.

• 9:25Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  Mint Mobile.

• 9:29Matt McCusker?

  Mint took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for 15 bucks a month.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  No gimmicks, no gotchas. You can even bring your current phone and your number. Go to mintmobile.com/drenched.

• 9:45Matt McCusker?

  Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required. $15 per month equivalent, taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50GB may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20GB of hotspot. Capable devices required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 10:05Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, Paradise, I mean, goddamn, the guy thought he was starting something nice and...

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:11Matt McCusker?

  That was his Neverland Ranch.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  But you do it in the woods, it is kind of a bad look. You said it's in the woods, right?

• 10:18Matt McCusker?

  You're talking...

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Paradise.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  Paradise is in Las Vegas.

• 10:22Matt McCusker?

  It's in Vegas, bro.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Ohhh. The website is... Well, maybe I shouldn't say this, but the website is still up.

• 10:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Paradise website's still up?

• 10:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, my man had the... My mom... My man had the wagyu in the pool. He had the wagyu.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  A5, dude.

• 10:42Matt McCusker?

  A5 wagyu, buttery soft.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Melted his mouth.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  You can't even imagine.

• 10:51Matt McCusker?

  Well, here's a problem. If you haven't seen the doc, it could be horrific.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  It could be horrific.

• 10:56Matt McCusker?

  I mean.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  He could have been baking them.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  True, true. It could be some disappeared.

• 11:03Matt McCusker?

  I mean, who needs suntan? Yeah, he's could have been like, who needs sun spray?

• 11:06Speaker 03

  There, there's a section addressing the allegations on the Paradise official website, paradise.net. And it says, you came here after hearing or reading some negative things. When adults interact, misunderstandings can happen. For a detailed timeline, documentation and context, see the full allegations page. So they have a page dedicated to their allegations.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  See the full allegations page?

• 11:31Matt McCusker?

  So it's like about us, contact allegations of sexual misconduct?

• 11:36Matt McCusker?

  Not a good sign.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Privacy policy, contact us allegations.

• 11:42Matt McCusker?

  Can you look, can you look up Paradise on Google review? Cause that might have, or like on Google, that might have ratings.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, let's.

• 11:51Matt McCusker?

  Let me see, I'm gonna try to do Paradise, although there's a lot of Paradise events. Oh, it is LLC. Where was this snowy photo? Doesn't look like Vegas to me. It's Texas. There's a Paradise events in Texas.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  What?

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Some tortoise.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, the tortoise.

• 12:09Speaker 00

  Flouters.

• 12:12Matt McCusker?

  Let me see Paradise, Las Vegas, cause it, dude, did you ever like see the Google reviews on stuff that shouldn't have Google reviews?

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:19Matt McCusker?

  Paradise, Las, prickly paradise quilts, what the hell? Nah, it's not on, it's not on Google review.

• 12:25Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 12:26Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, but they, they have the allegations page here and.

• 12:29Matt McCusker?

  What's he claiming?

• 12:31Speaker 01

  How many allegations?

• 12:32Speaker 03

  This page exists to collect a relevant timeline, public context, selected materials and documented records relating to the allegations made about the founder, Stefan Wilhelmie.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  First name Stefan.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  Paradise and the Paradise.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  Stefan's not a creep name. Stefan Urkel, dude, that was a best, that was cool Urkel.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  The goal is

• 12:54Matt McCusker?

  Creep article.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  That's cool article.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  It's not to attack, inflame, attack, or make conclusions for the reader. It's intended to present a documented account organized chronology so that interested readers can review the available materials and form their own understanding.

• 13:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay, so what the fuck, does this guy have fucking receipts or not, dude?

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Can I say?

• 13:15Matt McCusker?

  That's how it is, the receipts page. Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 00

  Here's a screenshot of a text.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Can I say, Sean, you gotta get a true crime podcast, you gotta get a true crime voice.

• 13:22Matt McCusker?

  You gotta, he has a really good true crime voice.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  I appreciate that.

• 13:26Matt McCusker?

  Is there any, is there any juicy deets? That's what I need to know.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  I'm sifting through the deets during, so it's been going on, um, 2020. Let me sift through it and I'll.

• 13:36Matt McCusker?

  Sift through it and jump back in, but yeah, I thought you guys might enjoy the fact that there was trouble in paradise. Dude, I, uh, I'm, I'm trying to escape paradise myself, dude. I've been, I've been in a month, I've been in a challenge with two of my friends where it's as many, you're tracking on the Apple Watch, whoever burns the most calories by the month of June wins.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:55Matt McCusker?

  I'm up to, I'm nine days in and I've burnt, I think 11,000 calories in nine days.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  It's nice.

• 14:01Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's, first of all, you would think I would, like, it's so hard to get rid of fat.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:08Matt McCusker?

  Like, I've, I've been to the point where, like, I really, like, I need to chill, like, I'm getting, I feel, like, ill right now, I've worked out so much. Well, take a shred. The shred, that's what I'm saying, where, give me the shred, where's the shred? Dude, it takes to lose a pound of fat, it takes like, I think like 4,000 calories.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Yep, 4,000 calories.

• 14:26Matt McCusker?

  You know what it takes to burn 4,000 calories?

• 14:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, if you were to run.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Four miles.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  My record on the elliptical was like 500.

• 14:33Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 14:34Speaker 00

  I said my record on the elliptical was like 500.

• 14:35Matt McCusker?

  500, dude, if you were to run hard and like, give it your all, you might burn 500 calories.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:41Matt McCusker?

  That's insane, you need to burn 3,500 more calories. You'd have to do, what is that, six all out running sessions to try to fight down one pound while not taking in enough food to set, to offset that. Such fucking bullshit, dude.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, that stinks.

• 14:59Matt McCusker?

  Such fucking bullshit. What are you, what the fuck are you laughing at? Do you think? Paradise is funny?

• 15:05Speaker 03

  No, no, no. I just wanted to clarify that, um, so the allegations were made by a TikToker named Piggy Stardust.

• 15:15Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Stardust TikTok. I'm sorry, guys.

• 15:18Matt McCusker?

  Fired up.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Stefan is suing Piggy for libel, slander and defamation. So I wanted to clarify that everything we've said on this broadcast is alleged.

• 15:28Matt McCusker?

  Legend for sure.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  An opinion.

• 15:30Matt McCusker?

  Opinion of Piggy Stardust.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 15:32Matt McCusker?

  What we got with Piggy?

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Well, she's 29, non-binary, ASD, parinovaphe sign, BLM, trans large matter, LGBTQ plus.

• 15:41Matt McCusker?

  Okay, I can see this lady.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  She's on Ozempic now. She's not as fat.

• 15:45Matt McCusker?

  What? Yo, that's fucking pissing me off, dude. His body pos. That's why. She was about to get kicked out the club and turned off. Ooh, villain move. So she went.

• 15:56Matt McCusker?

  Oh, boy. That lady looks like.

• 15:59Matt McCusker?

  Give them like.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 16:04Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man, I don't give a fuck about this lady's car. Jesus Christ, I thought you was updating me on Paradise. Just wanted to let you guys know I have a car now.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go back. It's 2020, right?

• 16:13Matt McCusker?

  Piggy Stardust. Is she still even Piggy Stardust or she's just Stardust?

• 16:16Speaker 01

  It's, uh, Miss.

• 16:18Matt McCusker?

  It's Miss Stardust now?

• 16:19Speaker 01

  It's, uh, Margie Marie.

• 16:21Matt McCusker?

  Yo, to get so fat, it becomes your identity. It's so funny. Just call me Piggy. Does that one have no plus size? I mean, I, you know.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Well, she's not plus size anymore. She's not worried about it, I think.

• 16:32Matt McCusker?

  What the hell?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm trying to get back.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  Crazy to drop into fucking Paradise and just.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  That's crazy. There are screenshots attached to the, um.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Conversations and messages with Alexandria Porkchop Gillen.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  They got good names.

• 16:50Matt McCusker?

  They got really good names.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  There's camera footage. So basically I think he put all of his court evidence on the website on the allegations page.

• 17:01Matt McCusker?

  Trying to say it's just Paradise. Yeah, it's Brian Preserve Paradise. It's a little Margaritaville. So, but that babe was after him, but then she Ozempicked.

• 17:12Matt McCusker?

  Does seem like a, I mean, given the tags you gave me on her profile, seems like she's kicking up dust online.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's a dust kicker.

• 17:20Matt McCusker?

  Bit of a dust kicker. Septum piercing, I've always said I'd never get, I rarely, I should say, rarely get along with septum piercers.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  And she had like a big septum pierce. Like it wasn't like a little, it was.

• 17:32Matt McCusker?

  The bigger it is, the least we get along, dude.

• 17:34Speaker 00

  It was like full hoop ring, like it was hoop earring.

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  I don't know what it is, dude. Our, our, I'm just not aligned. Every time, and I don't have nothing, I have nothing against them. It's just every time I like.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  I didn't like the way it looks sometimes, but it's always a tax to a dick. That's cause you know it's the, it's an op.

• 17:49Matt McCusker?

  I know what lays underneath, exactly.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  It looks like the enemy flag.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  They have the opposite values, like almost completely atheist, don't care about family.

• 17:58Matt McCusker?

  True that. I like a little nose, a little nose ring here, ally. Soon as I see the septum, I'm like, we're gonna have a problem. You're not gonna fight. We are gonna battle. Literally, we are, we're, we're unaligned on every single thing you could possibly imagine.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  I saw some, you guys hear about what's happening with CBS?

• 18:15Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  They fired, um, uh, Chris, he was the anchor for their like new show. I don't, I think it was actually 60 Minutes. It was the anchor for 60 Minutes. They fired him.

• 18:29Matt McCusker?

  Chris? Who the fuck is Chris?

• 18:31Speaker 01

  Crawley or something, I can't remember. What's her name? Lindy Berry Weiss?

• 18:35Matt McCusker?

  Berry Weiss, I remember that lady.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  She, she runs CBS now.

• 18:38Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, and she fired, she's fired, she's trying to make CBS sellable. And they hired her because.

• 18:44Matt McCusker?

  Who they gonna sell it to? Fucking like BuzzFeed?

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Paramount.

• 18:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  That's, there's a, this company called Sky, that's why Colbert got fired.

• 18:51Matt McCusker?

  Right?

• 18:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, cause he called them out for, for, um, for, was bribing Trump so that Skydance can buy Paramount.

• 19:03Matt McCusker?

  Wait, who bribed Trump?

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Skydance, the company.

• 19:06Matt McCusker?

  For?

• 19:06Speaker 01

  So they can buy Paramount because Trump's in charge of the FCC. And they want to try to keep it away from being a monopoly.

• 19:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  And they fired Colbert because he was yapping. And they kept saying he didn't make any money, which doesn't make any sense. They sold his spot to Byron Allen. So like now the 11 o'clock spot is a paid spot for Byron Allen. He's paying to be.

• 19:26Matt McCusker?

  Who is Byron Allen? I saw that guy took over Colbert's spot.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Comic Unleashed, uh, he owns the Weather Channel.

• 19:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's like a. Oh, what? That guy owns the Weather Channel?

• 19:34Speaker 01

  He owns the Weather Channel.

• 19:35Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I fucking, I heard that guy owns the Weather Channel. I kind of love that.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, no.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  It's, I go from just doing stand up to you own the Weather Channel.

• 19:43Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know who Byron Allen was. And then someone was just telling me the Comics Unleashed guy owns the Weather Channel. And I was like, what a fucking beast. They have the foresight to buy the Weather Channel. It was worth nothing.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And now.

• 19:55Matt McCusker?

  So what's he talking about? Does he talk weather?

• 19:56Speaker 01

  It's just Comics Unleashed. He just does a show. It's like an old show he brought back.

• 19:59Matt McCusker?

  I want to see him talk weather on there. I'm a central 11pm here, like I talk.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  Byron Allen doing Al Roker. And he had.

• 20:06Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, I mean, I, I believe it that a lot of people weren't watching Stephen Colbert. I think a lot of people were watching. I don't think so.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  And then even if they're watching it, they're, they're making money off the YouTube, off the Twitter.

• 20:20Speaker 00

  That's what I, okay. YouTube's always have views.

• 20:22Matt McCusker?

  Cause that's what I'm saying, those late night shows, I don't think that many people tune in. But then they, the clips online do well.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:28Matt McCusker?

  But even still though, I don't think it like, like, how much do they have? Like the, whatever they rated.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  They probably have the.

• 20:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what were the, I don't, I don't think they were great. I mean, I'm sure people watched, but like.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  But like, what's great on TV right now?

• 20:43Matt McCusker?

  Nothing, everything's streaming.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:45Matt McCusker?

  If you, if you were to be, if you were to challenge me to try to find and watch Stephen Colbert, or any show like that at nighttime.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:51Matt McCusker?

  I, I would, it would take me an hour to research and figure out how to even see it. Like actually on TV.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  All you gotta do is go like this.

• 20:59Matt McCusker?

  Hey, but how do you get the channel? I don't, I don't have a comp. I don't, I don't have fucking cable.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Right dude.

• 21:04Matt McCusker?

  So it was like, I wouldn't even, I couldn't even tell you how to watch that. I was trying to get the Spurs game when we were watching, uh, when we were doing stand up this weekend. I was like, that took me. That was tough.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  CSBN.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, that sucks.

• 21:16Matt McCusker?

  Disney, apparently, since I have Disney, I was able to, but then they put on YouTube TV and it worked.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  It was everything.

• 21:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Disney. Pretty much does.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  They on ABC too.

• 21:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what, let me see, what was Colbert's ratings? I don't, I don't, you know, I'm not, I'm nothing against the guy. I just, I don't think they were, I don't think anyone watches except for geezers.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  His finale recorded a series high of 6.74 million.

• 21:37Matt McCusker?

  Well, shut the fuck up.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  Live plus same day viewers.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  What's the average though?

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Uh, the average, let me look that up.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  If it's less than 2 million, go ahead, cancel it. But if it's more than that.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  You think less than 2 is still cancelable?

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  Like what if it's like 1.5?

• 21:52Matt McCusker?

  I know, it's pretty good.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  1.5, yeah, actually if it's less than 1, it's canceled.

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  My thing is if you have a YouTube thing, if you're doing a mill, I, I mean, I instantly take you back. If that's the case, I thought, I thought the frills like a thousand people.

• 22:04Matt McCusker?

  Cause I don't know a single person stays up and watches any late night show. I don't, I can't, I don't know a single person has been like, oh, I was watching this last night on TV at 11pm. So are they, are they including web views with that too?

• 22:18Speaker 03

  I'm not sure. I'm not sure, but it says his average, uh, his average viewers per night hovered around 2.5 million.

• 22:26Matt McCusker?

  That's good.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Good. He shouldn't be canceled. Yeah.

• 22:28Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty good.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the scam. He's getting fucking.

• 22:31Matt McCusker?

  Well, even if you had, if you had a thing on YouTube that had 700,000, you know, views every week, you can still make a lot of money.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Every day.

• 22:40Matt McCusker?

  Every day is crazy.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, cause Colbert's on every day.

• 22:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're right. That's pretty nuts. I had no idea that viewership was still rocking that hard.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, then he got fucking, yeah, everyone lied.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  And he probably still had YouTube money. Cause I think they do show like clips on YouTube, so there's YouTube money coming in.

• 22:55Matt McCusker?

  Big time. I I thought for sure it was in like honestly like tens of thousands like.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  No dude.

• 23:02Matt McCusker?

  So he was.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  That shit's good background noise shit. Like I used to walk dogs. I would put on like, I would put on whatever that that kinda shit.

• 23:07Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  Nothing or Rogan or.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  That's to go to sleep too.

• 23:11Matt McCusker?

  For sure. No, dude, I I like, I listen, I listen to like AI slop when I go to sleep. I got tricked. I didn't know. I'd watch these videos on YouTube. It's like fall asleep to all of St. Augustine's writings ever. And I just put it on. I pass out and then I looked it up. I'm like, this is all fucking AI. It's just an AI summary. Some guy gave an AI voice. I was like, god damn it. I've been getting tricked by AI slop.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  If you invest your time in making AI slop, there's bags to be made. It just doesn't feel good.

• 23:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he doesn't. Videos get like thirty, they get like hundreds of thousands of views. And I I looked it up in the very end of the thing and it was like generated by AI, blah, blah, blah. Cause you can get, you could, I could do it right now. I could be like, hey, write up a summary of any historical figure. And then he feed it to another one and like, hey, do like, get like a nice voice acting or voice. And then it's like, bam, you have a fucking.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. Then just get it to clip whatever visuals you want to be in there.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you make one where you make the thing and then you go to one where you're like, review this. And then you go to one where you're like, let's do the audio.

• 24:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. No, I I got, cause I was listening. I'm like, man, this guy knows his stuff.

• 24:15Matt McCusker?

  Then I read the description. I was like, mother freaker. Cause there there is something about it that I really, I don't know. And when I hear it, I'm like, it makes me not wanna listen to them. Not even on like a, you know, like moral thing of like, this is wrong. I just go like, something about it bothers.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  It feels wrong.

• 24:29Matt McCusker?

  You know what it feels like when I play the computer on a video game and I'm like, why am I doing this? I'm playing the fucking computer. I'm playing against the computer. And I go, this is dumb. I feel, I just feel so alone. That's what it is. Like I feel so lonely. I go, man.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Do you know, if you're averaging 2.5 million viewers a day, that's bigger than like every big TV show.

• 24:49Matt McCusker?

  No, barely not, because they, what are the other ones they didn't cancel?

• 24:53Speaker 03

  It's not bigger than Gutfeld.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  But the thing about that is Gutfeld's at a different time slot. It's earlier.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  He's in prime time.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  10pm, yeah, but he averages 3.3 mil. He's the highest average.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Dude, 700, they're still though, like.

• 25:10Matt McCusker?

  Colbert was averaging 2.5 million?

• 25:12Speaker 01

  And Gutfeld's 3.3.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  That's what the Google says.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  They're like right there. They're neck and neck.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Kimmel, Kimmel's almost a mil, but still close. Like it's still, neither one's cancelable.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Neither one is cancelable.

• 25:23Matt McCusker?

  I'm still in awe that there's a million people watching either of these shows.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  I think.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  I bet. I mean, it could be 100% of the viewership in New York City. You still have like leftover people.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  I bet it's the same people watching both.

• 25:34Matt McCusker?

  No way. Get the fuck out of here.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  I bet there's some crossover.

• 25:37Matt McCusker?

  You think my parents stopped watching Gutfeld and talks?

• 25:42Speaker 00

  And definitely the reverse, it has not happened either.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  This motherfucker has to say.

• 25:47Matt McCusker?

  Absolutely not even happening. They don't even know it's on.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Then dude.

• 25:51Matt McCusker?

  If you watch Gutfeld, you don't even, you probably haven't seen Stephen Colbert in years.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Then that's 2.5 million separate people who could like, who just got fucked for no reason.

• 26:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're gonna watch Byron now. They're gonna be like, oh, we can get Byron shot.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  They're gonna, they're gonna fucking Kimmel.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Byron's fallen off, the, the.

• 26:09Speaker 00

  The stand up.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  There's been a big drop in viewership since Byron has taken over.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:13Speaker 00

  Cause it's just the stand up now?

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Cause it's comics unleashed. Nobody wants to watch that shit.

• 26:18Matt McCusker?

  But it's like, uh.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  He pays, he knows he has to pay for the spot. He's paying for the spot. Bros we know are on the show and we don't want to watch them.

• 26:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so it is said, I thought it was, I thought it was stand up interviewed, but it's not that.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  No, it's like, well, all right, wait, here it is. He's like, Matt, I hear you got some children.

• 26:35Matt McCusker?

  Ah, yeah.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Like that's all the show is.

• 26:39Matt McCusker?

  And then you kind of, you do bits, basically.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. Man, I hear you. I hear you don't want mixed kids.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Norm.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Damn, Brian, you're so good at this. How'd you even know?

• 26:48Speaker 03

  Norm MacDonald famously said, comics unleashed. I've never seen comedians more leashed.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Kimmel and Colbert apparently had, had been going back and forth. Kimmel averages around 2.5 mil.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  So now he'll probably take over.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:08Speaker 03

  But Jimmy Fallon.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  He's, he's struggling.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, foul dog struggling?

• 27:15Speaker 03

  He's at 1.3 mil. He's, he's a million under each of them for some reason.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, you need to put Seth Meyers in that spot.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  Seth Meyers average is about the same.

• 27:23Matt McCusker?

  They should really think about doing something completely. They should just kill a late night talk show and just come up with something totally different.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, podcasts on Netflix.

• 27:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or most extreme challenge.

• 27:37Matt McCusker?

  That's such a better thing to end the day with. You don't want to watch net, you don't want to watch politics before you go to bed.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:42Matt McCusker?

  Spikes are hard, right? You want to watch Chinese guys jump over logs.

• 27:46Matt McCusker?

  And then you're like, yes, I can do it. Then you fall asleep.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Are you talking MXC?

• 27:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  The most extreme challenge? Yeah, dude. I love it. We can do MXC, dude.

• 27:54Matt McCusker?

  MXC. I actually, I have a proposition for you guys. I think now, now that I'm on my fitness journey where I'm again burning the most calories a month, I'm, I'm on par to burn 37,000 calories this month, which is pretty sick.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:05Matt McCusker?

  I've been rocking, dude, I've been rocking and rolling. But I think now we should do a presidential fitness challenge between you guys. You three should do presidential fitness challenge. Winner gets a thousand bucks.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  Ooh. Damn it.

• 28:17Matt McCusker?

  Ooh. I did. You have two weeks to prepare.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  I can't, I can't run. I'm not gonna, is it just a mile?

• 28:24Matt McCusker?

  It's my, I don't have to look it up. I have to look up the thing.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  My 100 pushups?

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Shuttle, shuttle run, right?

• 28:30Matt McCusker?

  Shuttle run, yeah, you gotta run.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  And pull ups?

• 28:32Matt McCusker?

  Whoever wins, it's gonna be scored. We can even set different metrics. We can do swim, bike, run.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  I can't do pull ups. I can't swim.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Where's the strength stuff at? Where's the like lifting and throwing? I can lift and throw a lot.

• 28:47Matt McCusker?

  We can, we can definitely set up parameters that are fair.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  I can push, I can pull, I can lift, I can throw. Actually, I can push, I can lift, I can throw.

• 28:54Matt McCusker?

  It should be, in my opinion, scrap presidential, it should be strength, speed, endurance.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Ooh, I got the doors.

• 29:03Matt McCusker?

  You got the doors.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  I got the doors here. I ain't never gonna quit.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  I'll die out there.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  I'm dying.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Will Smith, I'll die out the treadmill.

• 29:11Matt McCusker?

  I'm on my Mr. B shit right now.

• 29:15Matt McCusker?

  I was laughing about a fitness challenge being the three of you.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  It would be funny. I would do that.

• 29:20Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 29:21Speaker 03

  I would do that, but I don't think I'd be very good.

• 29:23Matt McCusker?

  That's the whole point.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  That's humorous.

• 29:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  Watching Lemaire sink mid lap would be nice. Nate's ass sticking up.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  I'm gonna blow out my knee.

• 29:31Matt McCusker?

  Swimming race would be, the swimming race would be, dude, swimming is so fucking hard. If you have it like swam race and you try it, it looks insane. I think I might start the scrapyard for fitness challenges. Get dudes completely unprepared and be like, alright, let's race.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Did you see the scrapyard guy?

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:48Speaker 00

  Shout out the cast.

• 29:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Big time. Station White. Shout out Gas Station White.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  Gas Station White.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  See, you lost to the, you lost to the guy, though.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  He failed the endorse challenge. I didn't know he wanted to bruise, I'm saying, dude.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  That guy, Solo, the guy he fought in that video, he always does, he just gets, he's drunk. In every video, he just gets beat up and head kicks the guy and they're like, I'm done. I can't fuck this guy anymore. He just kicked the shit out of me.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, like every video.

• 30:15Speaker 00

  He was throwing spinning backfists.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  He was just doing shit, dude.

• 30:19Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, back to your guys' race. Don't change your subject.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  African American.

• 30:24Matt McCusker?

  I think it'd be fun.

• 30:27Matt McCusker?

  I think it'd be fun.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:29Matt McCusker?

  I think it'd be a lot of fun.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  It'd be a hoot, dude.

• 30:31Matt McCusker?

  We have to think about it.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  But it was always my least favorite week in gym.

• 30:35Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 30:35Speaker 01

  The, the test week.

• 30:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh, the test?

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:38Matt McCusker?

  I used to do, I used to do as low as possible because I thought it was funny. I would hold, I would just hang from the pull up bar and go.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  And then I'd walk as slow as I could for the run. I'd be like, dude, this is as best as I could do. My teacher would get so fucking mad. Dude, this is as far as I could get.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  The teachers would lie for me. They'd be like, seven minutes. I was like, 12.

• 31:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I remember I clocked like a 24 minute mile and the guy was so mad. I was like, dude, I'm out of breath. What do we even do?

• 31:09Speaker 00

  I think if I remember mine, I just blew, like I sprinted as fast as I could the first lap and then just went gas. Then just walked for five, it was like, it was like six laps total. I got one good lap in. Yeah.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  I would hit the straightaways pretty hard and then the fucking curves and I.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Ours was just a regular circle. Just, oh, I should just say.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  My straightaway was probably like. 20 seconds each, but that circle was like a minute.

• 31:36Matt McCusker?

  Hey guys, let's take a quick break from the show for a special segment called more or less presidential fight night edition brought to you by prize picks. On June 14th, some of the biggest names in MMA are headed to the White House and you can make your MMA picks on prize picks. And to celebrate this historic card, prize picks is dropping a Sugar Sean O'Malley discount, which means less strikes, still cash. Okay, but let's put the gloves on. Who's winning the who's winning in the South Lawn? We're putting the gloves on to talk about who's winning in the South Lawn.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Matt, I'm looking at the card right now and it's, it's a lot of these fights are pretty one sided. I'll tell you.

• 32:22Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 32:22Speaker 01

  Diego Lopez beats Steve Garcia.

• 32:25Matt McCusker?

  You think that?

• 32:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. Bo Nickle, Kyle Dawkins, I think Kyle Dawkins beats Bo Nickle because he's buns. Mauricio Roofy versus Michael Chandler. Roofy wins because Michael Chandler always lets everyone down. Josh Hoak versus, this is the truth.

• 32:39Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Josh Hoak versus Derrick Lewis. Derrick Lewis beats Josh Hoak.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  I might disagree with you.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Well, I'm telling you Derrick Lewis.

• 32:46Matt McCusker?

  Ooh, the gloves are on.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  The black beast wins because of racism. Sean O'Malley loses.

• 32:51Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, timeout. What, what, why do you think?

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Josh Hoak had just beat Curtis Blades in one of the best fights of the year.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  By, because of.

• 33:01Matt McCusker?

  Prize picks, prize picks.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Didn't, wouldn't one of them have like a broken leg or something or a broken hands?

• 33:07Speaker 03

  I'll take the gloves off. I'll just let you.

• 33:08Matt McCusker?

  He's putting the gloves off. The gloves are off. He has, you can't, you can't attack him.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  I'm telling you dude, Hoakich, Hoakich losing. Derrick Lewis is gonna win this. Hoakich is losing.

• 33:15Matt McCusker?

  Who's the main event?

• 33:16Speaker 01

  The main event, we have a couple. Sean O'Malley loses. Alex Pereira wins.

• 33:20Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, Sean O'Malley is gonna lose to who?

• 33:22Speaker 01

  It's a hobby.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  He's gonna lose to a Canadian. And then Alex Pereira versus Cyril Gunn. I guess Alex Pereira wins.

• 33:30Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:30Matt McCusker?

  What's the main?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  The main event is Ilya Toporia versus Justin Gagey. And I would love to say Justin Gagey wins this fight. But Ilya Toporia is gonna smoke him. Ilya Toporia is too nasty.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Only one way to find out.

• 33:44Matt McCusker?

  Only one way to find out prize picks.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Watching the card.

• 33:48Matt McCusker?

  Guys, and let me just tell you something. Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. Make all of your picks for the White House card. Which, did you ever believe when you were a little boy, you'd be even uttering these things? Make all your picks for the White House card. And every sport on PrizePix, from player picks to team picks, it's all on PrizePix. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Yes, 50 bucks when you play your first five PrizePix, America's number one sports picks app.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Hey, everybody, it's me, Lil Bear. Please come to Charlottesville, June 24th, Columbia, South Carolina, June 23rd. I just added a show at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone, August 6th, I think, or 7th. So please, please come to the zone, let's fucking sell out the zone.

• 34:35Matt McCusker?

  They gotta paint Shane on the zone.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  They gotta paint.

• 34:37Matt McCusker?

  That's disrespectful, they haven't put his face up.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, that's what I'm there for.

• 34:40Matt McCusker?

  You gotta demand it while you're there.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  That's what I'm there for, dude. Yeah. And the optimal knock is June 23rd, it's gonna be a goddamn heater.

• 34:49Matt McCusker?

  Alright. Uh, guys, 6/26, that means June 26th and 27th. I will be at the Stardome Comedy Club in Birmingham, Alabama. Sorry about Huntsville, it just, it didn't work out, guys. But I will be in Birmingham, Alabama, 6/26, 6/27. I originally, for some reason, said that that got canceled, I was thinking of Huntsville. It is going down in Birmingham, that is a fact. 6/26, 6/27. Uh, I'm off the month of July, but then in August 7th, I'll be in San Jose, California, August 7th and 8th. And then in August 13th, I'll be at the Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane, Washington. Please come, mattmccusker.com.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Paintings in the mouth.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Hello, I'm coming back to Good Nights in Raleigh on August 27th. And then I'll be in Charleston, South Carolina at Wits End Comedy Club, August 28th and 29th. Please come if you can.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  27th is my birthday, you're not gonna be able to hang out?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, man, but I gotta be in Raleigh at Good Nights Comedy.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Please come. Thank you, guys, very much. Enjoy the rest of the program.

• 35:57Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, guys, you'll see, when you turn 40, something kicks in and you get this weird sense of like, I need to push my body to the limits. It hit me so hard. As soon as I turned 40, I was like, I need to go all out.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  This shit hurts. Like, I don't know. Like, I've been keeping it to myself. I've been, I've been, I've been working out a little bit. I ain't say nothing, but my biceps right now, I've been hurting for like two days. Just, you know, I've been working out.

• 36:16Matt McCusker?

  Sore.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  A little bit, but I, but not like a usual when I was younger, where the sore feels good. Like, this is like,

• 36:22Matt McCusker?

  It hurts.

• 36:22Speaker 00

  I think I tore something.

• 36:24Matt McCusker?

  It does it? I mean, that's all it is. You do make, you make micro tears, but dude, I started, when I, I guess I moved here, what, two and a half years ago? And I was, I would, I could never work out consistently. I don't know what it was. I would never do it. So then I started and I started like, I, I didn't realize how deeply out of shape you get. Like, I was, I always like, I exercise sometimes. I was deeply out of shape. And then you, it takes like a year just to get like, able to like, fully run a couple miles. Something they consider like, is pretty normal. I couldn't do, I couldn't run a full mile.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  I know I can.

• 36:57Matt McCusker?

  I couldn't do it. And then you get, once you can do that, it takes a while to build that up or like, yeah, actually work out without getting like super shin splints and just like, you're like, I can't even move. Took me a full year to be able to actually work out consistently, like physically handle being able to work out.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, you know, it took like three months, real, like.

• 37:14Matt McCusker?

  Dude, Field Day Challenge, dude.

• 37:18Matt McCusker?

  Put it on Rain Bet.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  I've been working, I've been working too. Playing basketball a lot.

• 37:24Matt McCusker?

  B-ball's helpful.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:26Matt McCusker?

  I wonder, I wonder how to, again, you guys don't have to do this if you don't want, but I wonder how you have to, you'd have to figure out a way to do it where everyone has a shot and it'd be, it'd be very funny.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  We gotta do an athletics one. I can, I'm the most athletic out of us.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  But what are, what are the metrics? What are you talking, we're talking speed?

• 37:42Speaker 00

  Jump it, like, eh, like, well, you,

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Well, like sports, I guess, right?

• 37:45Speaker 00

  Your bounce?

• 37:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so like, you have to have the shooting contest?

• 37:49Speaker 01

  Like a, like a, like, what is it? What was it called? The, what was the football thing? Punk, kick, pass?

• 37:55Matt McCusker?

  Punk, kick, pass, yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  P K P, yeah.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think you got me in PKP. I think I would, I think I would do a great punt.

• 38:03Matt McCusker?

  Punt would be nice.

• 38:04Speaker 00

  Big punt.

• 38:04Matt McCusker?

  If you could hit the football game at Chuck E. Cheese where you throw the fucking.

• 38:10Matt McCusker?

  That game.

• 38:12Speaker 00

  Dexterity with the little, little balls, the little roll.

• 38:17Matt McCusker?

  But dude, I got, I got sent it. Well, first of all, I just turned forty and it's instantly kicked in. It was just like, dude, I gotta fucking push it as hard as I can. I'm still in it right now. I'm literally going nuts working out, but it's kind of fun.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  You're on track to get rid of thirty seven thousand calories.

• 38:31Matt McCusker?

  Dude, but it did work. Why, why won't my fat leave my body? Why won't my bitch hips leave? It's crazy.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  That has to feel crazy.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  What are you eating?

• 38:39Matt McCusker?

  It's insane. I don't, I don't eat, dude, I eat pretty healthy, man. I, I really, really do. I mean, every now and again, do I eat a little too much, obviously, but like, exactly. It's not that bad. It's, for me, it's been eye opening to be like, dude, it's so fucking hard, especially, I guess at forty, you can say, it's so hard to get shredded, like so hard. It's, it's almost, I won't say impossible, it's possible. It's so much harder than you think. Damn.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  You gotta get on the shit, bro.

• 39:05Matt McCusker?

  No, no shit. I'm not on the shit. But I will say, the reason, the, the reason I'm going hard right now is I have, I got a life insurance thing, where they're now, I can't do zins, I can't do any of that stuff, because you have to pay a serious premium. So if you're taking zins or even like, well, smoking, obviously, but now even zins, if they detect nicotine

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  in your system, you have to pay like fifty percent more.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  How the fuck are they in your system?

• 39:28Matt McCusker?

  Oh, nicotine, it's like anything else.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  No, no, I mean, the, the life insurance.

• 39:32Matt McCusker?

  Blood test, dude.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  They go through all of that shit.

• 39:33Matt McCusker?

  They're, they're literally, they have to pay your family if you, like a lot if you die. So then they go, all right, we'll do this, but we, they, I didn't realize, they do a very invasive check. Like, there's a chance, this is what I'm training for, I might have to go on the fifty cent treadmill with like the mask and shit.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:50Matt McCusker?

  And just fully ball out for a doctor, which I'm, I'm trying to get freak status.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta get the video on that, dude.

• 39:56Matt McCusker?

  I'm trying to get preacher, I'm trying to get them to go, what the fuck is going on here?

• 40:00Speaker 01

  What's your video was that?

• 40:01Matt McCusker?

  In the club. Yeah. I always think, I was like, I want, I want to do, ever since I saw that video, I was like, I want to do one of those tests from the doctor so bad.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:09Matt McCusker?

  Put on the mask and just go fucking nuts.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Man, this, this is the thing. They just don't want to give any money.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  That's literally.

• 40:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's the whole fucking point.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  But like, that's not what insurance is for. Insurance is for.

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  I think life insurance.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  I, I get it for life insurance. But I mean, like, all insurance is all the type of same type of fucking scam. Where it's like, we're gonna take care of you, but if your blood work is a little bit down when you die.

• 40:33Matt McCusker?

  They're gonna charge you more, that's the thing. They're gonna pay you, but you gotta pay more. It's, it's all just a mathematical formula.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:39Matt McCusker?

  They go, okay, we have all the data. If you display these characteristics, you are this much mu- more likely to die, therefore you gotta pay us more.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  Don't they check like your hobbies? Like if you like extreme sports or you.

• 40:50Matt McCusker?

  I don't, I don't know.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  What's the value of a life?

• 40:53Matt McCusker?

  Depends. Depends how much, literally depends how much you pay them. So it's like, if you pay them more, they'll give you more when you die. So, you know, it's like.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  My life is priceless.

• 41:05Matt McCusker?

  Hey.

• 41:05Speaker 00

  I agree.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Can't afford to pay me enough.

• 41:08Matt McCusker?

  You gotta, you gotta ask them.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  But whoever gets.

• 41:11Matt McCusker?

  They'll just agree and go, fine, we just won't go into the death business with you. I'm in the death business right now. I'm doing it for 10 years. I'm gonna do a 10 year insurance policy and just pray that I'm not, I won't need life insurance. That's my plan.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna get life insurance. I'm gonna start it.

• 41:26Matt McCusker?

  Just while my kids are little, it's a safeguard. In order to do it, I have to take a life insurance.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Hey Matt, you know, if you give me a hundred thousand dollars, if you give me $2,000 a month until, for the next 10 years, I'll make sure when you die, you have a hundred thousand dollars.

• 41:44Matt McCusker?

  You can't back that up.

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Really more than life insurance.

• 41:46Matt McCusker?

  You can't back that up.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  That's what, that's what, that's what life insurance is doing.

• 41:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but they, they will actually pay.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  No, they won't. They're making you go through tests.

• 41:53Matt McCusker?

  No, they do.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  No, they don't, dude.

• 41:54Matt McCusker?

  Bro, they get rated, these, these places get assessed, they're rated, there's places that have, they have, they track what percent pays out.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Alright, man.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  Isn't that what, uh, Bistiller did in the Long Cane Poly? Wasn't he that guy? Like he would, uh.

• 42:06Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  That was his whole job, was to like, see how much you're.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  In the 90s?

• 42:12Speaker 00

  Early 2000s.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 42:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, they they actually pay. They really will. I mean, if there's certain, I'm sure as people get out of get off the hook.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  Just like the Gerber baby, the Gerber baby definitely paid.

• 42:22Matt McCusker?

  The virgin guy?

• 42:23Speaker 01

  Gerber baby. You don't remember Gerber baby?

• 42:26Matt McCusker?

  What happened to Gerber baby?

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Your parents would get like, uh, they'd be like child insurance. You pay them every month until you turn eight, until your kid turn eighteen or something. Then they get like a lump sum of money.

• 42:35Matt McCusker?

  That's different. So there's insurance as an investment. That's a different thing. And that that's actually, it's unregulated. So if you if you sell insurance as an investment, you're not be holding to the S E C. So there they it's called, there's, you know, I'm not gonna say the name of the place.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  I'm selling life insurance as an investment.

• 42:50Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Just start it right now? I'm just right now. Yeah, I'm gonna get it all.

• 42:54Matt McCusker?

  You can't. You're not backed.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  If you guys want.

• 42:56Matt McCusker?

  You're making your point. I hear your point. I hear your point. You're hitting me with bus stop rumblings. I know how the life insurance policy, dude, it's it's like fucking astrophysics, the numbers. It's so fucking complicated. I agree. Kind of bullshit, but at the same time, you don't need to take it.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Do they have the same numbers of Affleck? Like, you know how like if you get worked hurting Affleck, like you lose a finger, you get so much money?

• 43:20Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  It's like it's.

• 43:21Matt McCusker?

  I know exactly.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Then it's not like.

• 43:23Matt McCusker?

  It's it's it's them going, we'll give you what you pay. If you want X, you gotta pay us X amount. Cause most people don't die. So they're like, they just get money. I'm saying like during those years when you're younger. So they get all these people that are like, we're getting all this money. Then people die. They go, fucking here, give them, he's giving these guys money. But if you're having so many, like if you have all of these forty year olds giving you life insurance money, the percentage of forty year olds that die is way lower than the people who stay alive. And everyone's incentivized to stay alive.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  The whole idea of insurance is not to give you anything.

• 43:54Matt McCusker?

  Well, they they do. Well, this is them. They try to maximize profit and they will set up things where they make it harder to get it payout, which is annoying. And then they'll do a thing where it's like, ah, well, dude, your insurance, like homeowners will be like, ah, your shit got fucked up, but that your roof got messed up. That could have been from like if it's animal damage, they'll be like, we don't cover anything from the Ursine family. So they'll be like, if like, say a raccoon fucks up your roof. If like a raccoon fucks up your roof, they'll be like, we covered more for like. Uh, rodent infestation. So they will do bullshit like that 100%.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  Acts of God. We got storms or something. Isn't that like a whole term?

• 44:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they have some, they have some BS. I actually, funny enough, last night dreamed I tackled an insurance executive. And as I tackled him, I was like, hey, at least someone didn't shoot you. People, other people will shoot you. It was a fucked up dream, but I remember waking up and being like, I must be really pissed about this insurance. I must want my fucking little knickknack naturals, dude. That's why I'm so bad right now. I literally can't do them. I'm, I'm in a deep subspace right now because of health insurance. I'm so subbed out to insurance companies right now. I'm being dominated so hard. Where like I'll sit down to write at my laptop and I'm like, I want my fucking zins, man. And I'm like.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  You're being fin domed.

• 45:08Matt McCusker?

  I am, I am. I'm being in domed.

• 45:13Matt McCusker?

  Really insurance dominated. That's the thing too. Apparently if they catch you doing them, they can just be like, yep, we're out of here. Thanks for your money. You're gone.

• 45:21Speaker 00

  Like even they keep the money you had?

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  If, if I get the non, which I, I don't have, I, I, again, I've, I've said on record, nicotine is not addictive. I got off it, no problem.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:29Matt McCusker?

  But it's like, I, I really isn't that hard. I didn't think it was that hard, but if they catch you consuming nicotine while you're being covered, they could in theory sever the thing.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 45:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Now to fulfill the, I just chew coffee beans while I do stuff. Gives me that same feeling of like, you know, I like, I like inserting that thing. Paul's in my.

• 45:53Matt McCusker?

  So yeah, right now I'm being completely subbed out and I'm paranoid. Now I'm going like, damn, like fuck. You hear about people getting like killed for. I'm like, my wife might kill my.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Fight and you gotta sleep with your eyes open.

• 46:06Matt McCusker?

  Kinda man, I'm kinda being like, shee. Yeah, I told her that.

• 46:10Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 46:10Matt McCusker?

  I said, it's like now I'm like even just questioning, I'm like, dude, for real. I was, she got really upset at me, but I was like, it's a lot of upside to me dying for this family.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  You gotta start paying attention to.

• 46:20Matt McCusker?

  That's what I said. I'm like, it's kind of peace of mind being like, bro, if I just die, it's a huge bag for the whole family. She's like, don't talk like that. Oh, I don't know. It makes me feel kinda good to be like, fuck it, man. The plane goes down, it sucks, but like.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  Kids are cool.

• 46:34Matt McCusker?

  Ching for the fam.

• 46:38Matt McCusker?

  Don't think like that. I'm thinking like that. I'm hoping you're not fucking thinking like that.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  You ever see the show, there's a show called BTF St. Louis?

• 46:49Matt McCusker?

  What is the show about? Is it about that?

• 46:51Speaker 01

  More, well, a guy's getting cucked and then his wife gets insurance and they, she plans to kill, oh.

• 46:56Matt McCusker?

  He gets cucked. The bull basically is like, let's kill your dumbass husband and take the money.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  No, they're best friends. Bull and the cuck are best friends.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  Thing. It's a great show.

• 47:04Matt McCusker?

  I know, but I'm saying the friend is the bull.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  The friend is the bull.

• 47:08Matt McCusker?

  My thing is like. But they also flip.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  And they all know, and everybody knows too.

• 47:12Speaker 00

  They also flip and the bull becomes the cuck.

• 47:14Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 47:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, like he, like, like he, they were closet watching, like, you know.

• 47:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:20Speaker 00

  Watching the closet, then eventually the cuck was like, I just don't feel like part of this. Can we switch it up? Cause it was his wife. He's like, I still wanna, you know, fuck my wife.

• 47:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I wanna be the bull.

• 47:29Speaker 00

  And then the wife, it was like the saddest thing of all time. The wife just was like.

• 47:32Matt McCusker?

  Nah.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  Can't.

• 47:34Matt McCusker?

  So then he didn't become the bull though. He, he asked to be on the bull.

• 47:36Speaker 00

  He asked to become the bull and the wife was like, no shot.

• 47:39Matt McCusker?

  Well, you, first of all, you can't ask to become the bull. You gotta be the bull.

• 47:42Speaker 00

  You just gotta.

• 47:43Matt McCusker?

  You gotta be out there grazing. You gotta be out there grazing, dude.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  That's where he blew it.

• 47:46Matt McCusker?

  My thing is if you're gonna cuck me, cuck me, don't kill me. That's my thing. Please don't kill me. They did, did they kill him?

• 47:51Speaker 00

  I think they killed him.

• 47:53Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, they did. They didn't kill him. I remember it now. They, they get to, I get to the end. I don't want to spoil the show. That's fine. I'm never gonna watch it, but they, I mean, I heard it's a great show. I heard it's amazing. It's really good. Heard the show's really good. So he was getting cucked.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  There's a lot of dongs in it though. Be prepared for dong.

• 48:07Matt McCusker?

  Lot of dong?

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Lot of dong.

• 48:09Speaker 00

  Lot of dong.

• 48:11Matt McCusker?

  Sign of a great show. I'm telling you, you go through all the great shows.

• 48:15Speaker 00

  Game of Thrones.

• 48:16Matt McCusker?

  Game of Thrones, actually it may suggest Game of Thrones.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 48:19Matt McCusker?

  Ah, it's had a lot of dong?

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're in jail.

• 48:21Matt McCusker?

  Sopranos, Sopranos had minimal if no dong.

• 48:23Speaker 00

  I don't get to think of one dong.

• 48:25Matt McCusker?

  I can think of one dong.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  That makes sense.

• 48:26Matt McCusker?

  There's a scene where like when AJ's getting dressed, you peep his dong.

• 48:29Speaker 00

  Dung?

• 48:30Matt McCusker?

  I'm kidding. He was like a boy.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  No dong in the Sopranos, but they did have a big pussy.

• 48:36Matt McCusker?

  Did they have a big pussy in the Sopranos?

• 48:37Speaker 00

  Guy's name, man. It's a guy's name.

• 48:40Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They had tits in Sopranos.

• 48:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot of the, the badda bing.

• 48:45Matt McCusker?

  That's, that's a, that's a, you know, that's some stylization I could get into. Like, they're probably like, yeah, we're gonna be one of the greats. We gotta show dong. And they're like, let's just do tits. Tits are, tits are rocking. There is something so classical about showing dong in the show. You almost gotta do it at a certain, at a certain point.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  But everybody loves tits.

• 49:03Matt McCusker?

  Everyone loves tits, but everyone fears and respects a dong. You're there watching your baby.

• 49:09Matt McCusker?

  Fuck do they show that one, man?

• 49:12Matt McCusker?

  Sometimes you're like, good one to show it out. Sometimes they hit you a lot and you're like, perfect. Westworld is just a dong shower. You watch Westworld, all the robots are there and you're going, bro, you're gonna hit me with that. Flash that.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Why didn't they even fucking give them, they're robots, make them Ken dolls.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  Weren't they fucking those robots though? That was the thing.

• 49:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they were fucking the robots.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, they had a, like a crazy flash at it early in Westworld.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  You should give every robot a pussy. Dude, robots, girl, robots, a pussy.

• 49:42Matt McCusker?

  Like the one that kicked the boy? You want that one that kicked the boy?

• 49:46Matt McCusker?

  The boy can get his get back.

• 49:50Matt McCusker?

  When you turn 18, son, you're gonna get your get back on that robot that kicked you. Fuck his robot pussy.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  That kid's gonna be the Terminator, I bet. He's gonna save us. He's John Connor.

• 50:00Matt McCusker?

  Dude, we were talking earlier, that kick must have hurt so bad.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  It, it didn't look like a mistake either. It looked like perfect to the gut.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  That kick was, the kick was intentional. I don't think the kid was supposed to be the target though.

• 50:12Matt McCusker?

  So it was like a turnaround, I saw the kick, it was like a turnaround spin, but it wasn't a fucking dance kick.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  It was like a tornado kick, yeah.

• 50:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was like a fucking MMA kick. If he hit him with one of these like that.

• 50:24Matt McCusker?

  Out and in.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  I was hitting the out and in so hard last night after I saw the Michael Jackson movie.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  If a robot, if a robot hits the damn question mark kick, we're cooked.

• 50:33Matt McCusker?

  I would fake, I was like, huh? I would fall, I would fall right into it, huh?

• 50:39Matt McCusker?

  Also, it's metal, dude.

• 50:41Speaker 00

  Your, your shit's getting caved in.

• 50:43Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I apparently do it like, I mean, it's heavy machinery, it's different, but like getting hit with like metal. I've walked in, it didn't even move. I was walking and it was a mini excavator. And I walked into the bucket and hit my head. It hurt. I was like, ow. It's like no give whatsoever. It's if one of those machines just says digging and like nudges you a little bit, you go flying.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:05Matt McCusker?

  Cause they're so strong. If you get hit with metal dude, it's like, you gotta start putting some fucking flesh and bone on those things.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, make them weak.

• 51:12Matt McCusker?

  Maybe you have to, maybe all robots have to be BBW.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 51:15Matt McCusker?

  Safety, although then they can crush you.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Paradise.

• 51:18Matt McCusker?

  You try to do, you try to do a little fucking, you know, some other play and now you're getting crushed.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 51:23Speaker 05

  This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 51:26Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  What do you know about Quince?

• 51:27Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cotton, like regular materials, not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.

• 51:38Speaker 05

  Well, not everyone wants to spend forever on the perfect look. Quince gets that. It's why they make staple pieces for your wardrobe that go with pretty much anything that they're, uh, they're really easy to style and they feel great to wear because they're also made with premium materials, including, like you said, organic cotton, merino wool. There's even a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere sweaters starting at just $60. That's, I mean, talk about a deal.

• 52:03Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  That's a bargain.

• 52:05Matt McCusker?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Matt and Shane's secret podcast. It's the best way to support the show.

• 52:29Speaker 06

  The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now 7-Up is fighting back with their new Lime Lemon Soda. Now lime comes first. 7-Up. Flip the sip.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  I watched that, I watched that guy's video, the, the fart guy, you were telling, that shit might be the best thing.

• 53:05Matt McCusker?

  How was the interview? The interview was amazing.

• 53:07Speaker 00

  It's so good.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  What's the fart guy?

• 53:08Matt McCusker?

  He talks about, you were here last weekend, fuck, last week, there's a guy, I'll just say a guy on Soft One Underbelly, fart fetishes.

• 53:16Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 53:16Matt McCusker?

  Might have put out the best interview of all time. And they're talking in earnest about, you hear when he talks about gay farts?

• 53:21Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't remember the gay farts.

• 53:23Matt McCusker?

  They're talking gay farts and he goes, well, that's like part of the, there's like a privilege to being gay where like gay farts are way more abundant than straight farts.

• 53:31Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 53:31Matt McCusker?

  Lady farts are tougher. Yeah, cause if you want farts.

• 53:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:36Matt McCusker?

  He's saying if you're gay and you have a fart fetish, you're in, you know, it's fart paradise.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:42Matt McCusker?

  Where it's just, you get, I mean, you can get more farts out of a guy.

• 53:45Speaker 00

  I did see him go like hard, like I'm not gay when they asked him, but like, what is he? And then he also got real, like, he was like, I think I'm asexual. But I don't think that guy's asexual. I think he poured himself into just can't get hard normally anymore.

• 53:57Matt McCusker?

  I also don't know why a lot of those guys like to try to like, think it necessarily has to do with their upbringing where it's like, cause his, his link to the upbringing was weak. It was just like, bro, if like his mom like grounded him and farted on his head or whatever.

• 54:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:10Matt McCusker?

  I think, all right, you can have a fair case, but it was just like, yeah, my parents farted. It's like, that doesn't mean you're gonna wanna fuck if you're sexually into farts. My dad farted all the time. I can't, again, I'm a, I'm a no-go zone on lady farts.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  Dad's fart.

• 54:22Matt McCusker?

  Dad's fart all the time.

• 54:23Speaker 00

  Supposed to fart.

• 54:25Matt McCusker?

  Dad's fart, you have to fart. I was, dude, I was lighting it up last night. So bad.

• 54:30Speaker 00

  You're supposed to have your family on your couch and everyone feel your fart.

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  I, dude, I, I was in the closet, I had to go into like the closet, I had to leave the bedroom, hit the closet and just fart. And from our closet, my wife still could hear and be like, oh my God, that's terrible. And they were, they were hot.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, mine's been stinking too. They have not been bad.

• 54:57Matt McCusker?

  Do you eat cheese?

• 54:58Speaker 00

  Huh?

• 54:58Matt McCusker?

  You eat milk and cheese?

• 54:59Speaker 00

  I do, but it's never been a, a prob- like I, and I don't do too much of it. Like I, I, you know, I get a little, a little pizza sometimes.

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  Do you know the percentage of people lactose intolerance?

• 55:08Speaker 00

  It's crazy high.

• 55:08Matt McCusker?

  It's like sixty to eighty percent. That's the thing too. Everyone's, I, I, I'm among them. If I, I, if I have milk or cheese pasteurized, I fucking fart. Even if I have raw cheese, I fart so fucking hard. I can have raw milk. I have no side effects.

• 55:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:23Matt McCusker?

  If I have pasteurized milk, you know, everyone talks about other stuff and you can get whatever, a disease from raw milk. Nobody talks about the pasteurized milk farts. Like they're crazy. It's like some of my worst is when I'm fucking with dairy. I was doing it last night. It was hot farts all night. Took a half an hour off my sleep.

• 55:43Speaker 00

  Wake yourself up?

• 55:44Matt McCusker?

  Dude, cause it's like I, I just, I dropped one in the middle of the night, the night before, woke the babe up again, gave her like a sleep. I, I, I just ran it back. She woke up on, uh.

• 55:55Matt McCusker?

  I was like, god damn. So then I was like, I'm not gonna be a jerk. I got up, I was farting. Or I'll do tiny, like wait a little bit and I'll safely kind of push it out. But yeah, dude, I, yeah. I, I also, I, I don't like girl farts. I almost wanted to see if we can come up with a drug to stop women from dreaming. I don't like girl dreams either.

• 56:15Speaker 00

  Weed, girl, with them. Cause you have to deal with them the next day.

• 56:19Matt McCusker?

  Weed will do it.

• 56:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. Nah, Julia dr- smokes every day probably.

• 56:24Matt McCusker?

  Still has dreams?

• 56:25Speaker 00

  She still has, she, and she.

• 56:26Matt McCusker?

  Still catches you in the dream room?

• 56:28Speaker 00

  Hits, well, either she'll catch me with them, but either, even worse. She'll just wanna tell me about it.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  It'll just be a useless story.

• 56:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  So my dream is like, who gives a shit? It's not real.

• 56:41Matt McCusker?

  I get, I get hit with like sleep interrupters where I'll be like, I'll be just drifting off. And then last night, Brittany woke up and went like, ah, I'm never getting these nails ever again. They're hot. They're hot. And I'm like, dude, go to bed. I literally get angry. I'm like, go to sleep. And that was a dream. And she just falls asleep. She'll wake up with nonsense. It's literally nonsense. It makes no sense. And I'm like in that perfect thing. I'm like, I'm drifting apart and it'll be like, oh, what's happening? I'm like, shut up. And I can say anything because she's not asleep. It's not awake. I can literally be like, shut up, go to bed. And she'll be like, why are you doing this to me?

• 57:20Matt McCusker?

  I'm like, dude, I need to stop. I need to stop this mechanism.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  You know, you gotta put like a, like a soft cushion here. So when she wakes up, she hits it and then goes back to sleep.

• 57:29Matt McCusker?

  That would be nice. I can't stand the wake ups. Kill me. Ah, what's happening?

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Catch her right before she goes, ah.

• 57:37Speaker 05

  Shut up.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  My lady scared the hell out of me the other day with one of those. She woke up and she goes, Sean doesn't know her right now, but the camera's filming him. He's on camera right now. And I was like, what?

• 57:51Speaker 03

  She just kept babbling about it. And then I realized she was asleep and I go, you're scaring me.

• 58:00Speaker 03

  And then that morning I woke her up with a fart.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  That's a good morning.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  Hit her with the cockadoodle doo fart.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  That's a good fart dude, the wake up fart.

• 58:10Matt McCusker?

  Cockadoodle poo.

• 58:13Matt McCusker?

  That's, I spend at least 1% of our conversations as she's unconscious and being like, and I'm like, dude, stop it. Stop it now. No, stop it. It's not real. Go to bed.

• 58:27Matt McCusker?

  And just fall asleep. It's like, fuck.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  I didn't realize how like, girls spiral without men. Like if it's just like girls by themselves, they're like,

• 58:39Matt McCusker?

  It would take them like a day to realize.

• 58:47Matt McCusker?

  My grandfather was a demon. He was keeping me out of the house.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  No one to tell him it was a dream.

• 58:55Matt McCusker?

  As a dude's dream, as a dude, that's like, you know, like stray wolves became domesticated dogs as they were like lay by the thing and wake up and be like, hey, people are coming.

• 59:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:03Matt McCusker?

  That's how dudes got to get that pussy. They got to lay there. Yo, that's not real, dude. I was fucking just like, I was staying up later because I'm a guy and I just chill and you fall asleep. But I can tell you, you're just peacefully sleeping. Like you're not being attacked by a demon right now.

• 59:19Matt McCusker?

  Let me get some motherfucking pussy.

• 59:21Speaker 00

  You sure?

• 59:21Matt McCusker?

  I'm sure.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got a, I had a dream, I had a sequel dream. I don't even know what the fuck, because like a couple of weeks ago, I like dreamed about murdering somebody.

• 59:30Matt McCusker?

  Again, you have violent dreams. We've talked about it.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 59:33Speaker 00

  Who are you pissed at?

• 59:34Speaker 01

  Can't watch like upset, like horror movies, because if I watch horror movies, I'm gonna have like nightmares about it. And I'm just gonna be like, alright, I guess I live with the Terrifier now. But yeah, I don't know who it was. I don't know how I kill somebody. And then like this week, I was hanging out with you guys. We were somewhere on the beach or on the lake, and then a cop came after me and I was like, alright, guys, I gotta go. Don't worry about it.

• 1:00:03Speaker 00

  I have one of those. I don't know what it was.

• 1:00:05Matt McCusker?

  I remember I killed somebody, I think I like, I think it was like four of my babe or something like that. And we disposed of the body. Well, you touch, touch her and die.

• 1:00:15Speaker 00

  Huh?

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  Touch her and die is a romantic trope. Touch her and die is one of the things women are really into. If like, if like someone touches this lady, you kill her.

• 1:00:24Matt McCusker?

  Enemies, the lovers, touch her and die. There's a bunch of these things. They're very funny.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  That in the, in the dream, like, like I didn't get arrested, but I just was paranoid about the murder from the past dream. I was like, oh shit, I haven't even been thinking about this. It's been like three weeks. I know they're on my ass. That was, that was me.

• 1:00:43Matt McCusker?

  It was just knowing that they gotta be coming soon.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  And I woke up at like eight in the wor- eight in the morning. I was like, are these, am I, did I kill someone to my sleep? Why am I getting arrested?

• 1:00:54Matt McCusker?

  I just made fun of my babe, telling, talking about dreams that aren't real. Just fully.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  Babe now.

• 1:01:01Matt McCusker?

  It happens dude, it's their fault. They see you put, you're in the field.

• 1:01:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:04Matt McCusker?

  Absorbing all the bullshit. Dude, it's a, I used to have prison dreams all the time. I used to have dreams that I was in prison, I was arrested, I got in trouble and I was just in prison. I'd have to, and every time I'd be in jail, I'd be like, I can get out of here. I'm like, this is so dumb. The way this is set up, I can definitely get out of here.

• 1:01:19Speaker 00

  You ever break out?

• 1:01:20Matt McCusker?

  I remember it'd be like, I could just walk out. And then I'd just like get out and they'd be like, hey, you're, it was like very, everything was very slow. They'd be like, you're supposed to be in jail right now. And I'd be like, oh, fuck. Go back to jail, then walk back out and be like, ha ha.

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  Was this in trapping days?

• 1:01:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, all, I would always get in trouble. I would get in trouble or I'd have like a pound of weed in my basement that I had to get out, but there was like cops surrounding my house. So I'd have to, in my sleep, I'd be like, alright, I'll put a little bit in this thing and put it out here. And I would just constantly try to, and they'd be coming in and out and trying to find it. I'd be like, It was like, I'd have nonstop stress dreams the entire time. It sucked. And I, I remember my heart rate would like, I'd wear an apple watch asleep and I would get like one thirty heart rate in, in sleep all the time. I don't get it now, I'm chill.

• 1:02:05Speaker 00

  That sticks.

• 1:02:05Matt McCusker?

  It's bad for you.

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. I don't have, I feel like I almost never have like, like for real, for the most part, like I rarely have dreams that stick with me anymore. Like, I don't know if it's my, my lady will, she'll have them every night and like would tell me about them if I let her. I'll like, it'll be like, oh, I had a dream last night.

• 1:02:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  And it'll stand out to me.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  Every time I have a dream, it means I'm not that high.

• 1:02:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:02:29Matt McCusker?

  Wake up in the middle of the night like, oh shit, I gotta, gotta turn these off. I, I used to have big, um, we were being invaded by China dreams.

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  I still have those.

• 1:02:38Matt McCusker?

  Where it'd be like, we would just be battling, it'd be like, I'd be in a city, it would turn into a war zone, like Russia and China were attacking us.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  I was at the wall. I was like, why am I at the wall? Like not the Great Wall, the like border wall.

• 1:02:49Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was like, why am I at the wall? And then it's all fucking Chinese people's like, ah.

• 1:02:54Matt McCusker?

  Ding, Chinese guys at the wall?

• 1:02:56Speaker 00

  It is funny to think that like China tries to get into our country, they like walk through Mexico and they're like, god damn it, there's a fucking wall.

• 1:03:05Matt McCusker?

  When, when Bay, remember that Beirut explosion that was like crazy big? When that happened, there was like a part of me that was like, that wasn't, uh, that wasn't a factory. That was a little nuke, like for like, and I had like, uh, a couple, like a week or so of just waking up and it was the sun would be coming through the blinds in a weird way, but it'd be the first thing I see. And I would think it's just like nuke.

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  White hot flash.

• 1:03:26Matt McCusker?

  Like white hot flash. I'm like, what's that?

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  You fart first.

• 1:03:34Matt McCusker?

  What's that?

• 1:03:40Matt McCusker?

  I, I got, last night I had sex. Thank God I was sick. And then I was holding in, I had those nasty dairy farts. So I was, I was like, I just sucked them into my body. I was like, ah, can't fart during sex. So I successfully, successfully like absorbed all my farts. Had sex. Thank God I didn't fart while I was coming. It'll happen to me. It'll happen to me. Fucking, yeah, wait, you'll, you'll see.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Turbo cum.

• 1:04:05Matt McCusker?

  Bro, it's happened to me. I can't tell you how many times I farted while I was filming. During hand jobs especially. Cause hand jobs, you're like, whatever.

• 1:04:15Matt McCusker?

  It's never happened to any of you guys?

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  Oh, man. I definitely had to like think about not farting.

• 1:04:20Matt McCusker?

  It's happened to me many times.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  I've definitely pushed a fart into another mattress.

• 1:04:27Matt McCusker?

  I've clenched before. So I made it, navigated through, nice, no cum farts, policy, obviously. And then I go, immediately afterwards, I walked into the bathroom and just was like,

• 1:04:41Matt McCusker?

  just completely let it out and it was, I mean, the damage was done. It was over.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Was it more satisfying to cum? He'd just be like, oh.

• 1:04:49Matt McCusker?

  It was nice. I'm glad. Not as, yeah, I got, yeah. I walked in there. I was like, holy shit, dude. I got a little glimpse of paradise, dude.

• 1:05:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. The fat farts. Yeah, that guy was swimming in some fat farts.

• 1:05:09Speaker 00

  He probably loved them.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Hog heaven.

• 1:05:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was talking about the guy who ran paradise.

• 1:05:18Matt McCusker?

  Although, maybe not. Check his fucking testimonials. Maybe he's like, didn't like the farts whatsoever.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  You know, when the cop, I remember the cop from the dream, like, it was like a lesbian lady with blonde hair. And I don't know why it was that lady. With short hair, it was like a dyke cop.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  A white lady, black lady? It was a white lady. White lady.

• 1:05:41Matt McCusker?

  And you had a white lady cop on your ass?

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't even know why. Oh, I was watching Midwest Safety. I think that would happen. I was watching Midwest Safety. It was, it was so funny. There was this one, this racist guy. I know he was a racist, cause like, he fought black guys and he was like harassing them. That's what the cops, so. They go, he gets beat up. He gets hit in the head. He's bleeding from his head. He's in his house. They go, the cops go to his house and he's like, you gotta let me go outside. I'm gonna fight these guys.

• 1:06:11Matt McCusker?

  Well, also, when I heard-

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  The whole time, he was ramping up to the N-word. He didn't hit it? He hit it. He hit it a couple times.

• 1:06:19Matt McCusker?

  He had the stars and bars in his house. They go into his house, full stars and bars. And he's just in there like, "I want, I want outside now." That, I love people, they don't say, "I wanna go outside." They go, "I want outside." And he kept hitting it and hitting it. And they were like, and they were like, he's like, "That black punk outside." I'm going, alright, he's working. He's coming. The coffee machines percolate right now.

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  That's when you go take a side bet with somebody real quick, over and under, he says.

• 1:06:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Well, you said racist, you know, it was like racist guy gets, you know, beat up by the police. So I'm, I'm going like, alright, let's see. Everyone watching it from the same angle, let's see how, let's see how he does this.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  And the black guy on the couch, like, "Hey, man, I literally love you." It's like his homie. Ain't nothing but love. I don't think they're homies.

• 1:07:04Matt McCusker?

  I think he shoved, well, they shoved him. Those guys could be bros, too. They're neighbors. But he shoved him. That was the thing. That guy shoved the black dude. The black dude, fuck, gave him a big weld on his head. He was bleeding.

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  He had a, it was Waylon Jennings on the Confederate flag. And it said something like, "If slavery wasn't here, we would have made it."

• 1:07:24Matt McCusker?

  Did he really say that?

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  He calls his mom. The video starts, "Mom, bring everybody." Bring the whole family.

• 1:07:36Matt McCusker?

  It is, uh, every-

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  That's a scary folk on him. He's standing next to-

• 1:07:40Matt McCusker?

  No, his mom shows up.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  Just his mom shows up.

• 1:07:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh, come on.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  And he's like, "Mom!" He's like getting mad at the cops. He's trying to resist the arrest. He's like, "You're hurting me. Mom! Mom!"

• 1:07:53Matt McCusker?

  Most of those Midwest safety videos, it's a grown man. They get arrested, they go, "Mom!"

• 1:08:00Matt McCusker?

  It's, it's literally is like it's an adult Tampa, Tampa dance. It's like you've, you're beyond your faculties and you're just being like, just like your parents. So you have like zero power.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  That must feel good. Get out of full adult span.

• 1:08:12Matt McCusker?

  Probably, honestly. Cry for mommy.

• 1:08:17Matt McCusker?

  And then they're like, "You know you're gonna jump. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck." Every single time.

• 1:08:25Matt McCusker?

  And you're just getting to do full like, imagine someone trying to hold you down to get to go.

• 1:08:34Matt McCusker?

  I literally remember my older brother's beating me up and being like,

• 1:08:38Matt McCusker?

  That's the best.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Just projectile nurses.

• 1:08:42Matt McCusker?

  Little brother kick. That's the last defense before you get your ass absolutely beaten.

• 1:08:48Matt McCusker?

  Pass your guard. Even though it wasn't a guard. Fry, dude.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  So I saw another crazy one. It was like, uh, this Hispanic guy, he trapped this white lady in a house, but like, he like chained her to the floor.

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Like, it was like, he like, he had chain, he had like rooms in his house and like, it was crazy. But it, my thing was, I feel like they did it to people together and then she cheated on him. Cause these both, these both look like pieces of shit.

• 1:09:15Matt McCusker?

  They should have never unchained her.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, the cops unchained her.

• 1:09:18Matt McCusker?

  Cops unchained her. She's gonna fucking cheat on this guy again.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  Well, that's, that's what he said. He was like, she cheated on me. She was being dramatic and chained herself. And then he left. Yeah. But then she like kicked out the window and called, like the neighbors called the cops.

• 1:09:31Matt McCusker?

  Kind of believable.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Him?

• 1:09:32Matt McCusker?

  You said she was a Spanish lady?

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  He was Spanish.

• 1:09:34Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 1:09:35Speaker 01

  I believe him more. Cause he, cause then the cops showed up, they arrested him and he was like, I told them I'll be in on Monday.

• 1:09:44Matt McCusker?

  So him, him and his ba- his babe was chained up when the cops got there?

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, like it was like.

• 1:09:49Matt McCusker?

  He was saying she chained herself.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, because she was being dramatic, cause she cheated on him.

• 1:09:53Matt McCusker?

  Around the neck, like, like just a chain wrapped or like a lock with like?

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  It was a master lock and a chain. And then it was like bolted into the ground, like master lock and chain.

• 1:10:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  But the, also the whole house was like made so nobody can escape.

• 1:10:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  Like there was secret rooms, there's like the, the front door was locked on the inside and an outside. So you need an inside key and an outside key.

• 1:10:15Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, so they're like nobody.

• 1:10:16Matt McCusker?

  So you think they were double murderer?

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  I think they were doing it together and then she cheated on him and he was like, fuck you bitch. And then she, he's like, I can change, I can change. And he was like, no, I'm leaving. And she's like, I'm gonna chain myself up.

• 1:10:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  But.

• 1:10:30Matt McCusker?

  How did she call the cops chained up?

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  She kicked out the window and yelled out the window like, hey, help you chain me up.

• 1:10:36Matt McCusker?

  Try to be a nice guy and give your girlfriend long chains.

• 1:10:44Matt McCusker?

  I.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  I'm full internet sleuth dude, I'm about to solve everything. I'm solving all the crimes.

• 1:10:49Matt McCusker?

  How do you know, but here's the thing, that's an unsolvable crime, you're not in the house.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  I can smell it.

• 1:10:53Matt McCusker?

  But you can.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Just smell it. I can sniff suspicion.

• 1:10:55Matt McCusker?

  You're saying you can, you can look at, you can get context. Yeah, true element, yeah, what is it called? Elementary, my dear Watson.

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, she seems, cause it's like, it wasn't like a.

• 1:11:03Matt McCusker?

  She changed herself.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  Well, I don't think she chained herself, I think they were chaining people together. And then she tried to get out of it, or she cheated on them to get out of their relationship. And then like, I think he chained her up because he was like, bitch, or she was, or it happened the way he said.

• 1:11:20Matt McCusker?

  Also got it, it's gotta suck as like a bondage dominator to like have your sub, obviously. Spaz out. Yeah, you got, I, I, the term subspace makes me laugh so hard. The subspace is where like when you're, you're the sub, but you're subbing out, you're being domed so hard, you just like lose all sense of time, you get into subspace. Apparently a thing, subspace. Subspace and time. But if you're Dom, if you're in Dom space, then your sub cheats on you. It's funny to be like, good little kitten, be like, actually, that actually hurts my feelings.

• 1:11:51Matt McCusker?

  I'm actually, I'm actually really torn up about the fact that you cheated on me.

• 1:11:56Matt McCusker?

  I'm actually, can we, can we time out for a second? I'm really broken up about this. But then maybe she was, maybe she needed brad correction. So if you're really a true Dom, you would just correct the bratty behavior. Chain her up. Would you chain her up? Leave her for a few days. This guy was textbook Dom, this.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  Dude, he did leave for like three days.

• 1:12:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:15Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's no snack.

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  I think he left because he got a call that the cops were at his house.

• 1:12:20Matt McCusker?

  You gotta leave some chickaboo and popcorn for her.

• 1:12:24Matt McCusker?

  You gotta leave yogurt and chickaboo and popcorn and a TV. And I think you could, I think you could chain your babe up. I think you could chain her for like a month. Chickaboo.

• 1:12:36Matt McCusker?

  Low calorie sweet kettle corn, yogurt, and like some sort of bev and a TV. I think, I think you could chain a woman for thirty years. They might not even notice it chained up.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  And you keep replenishing the popcorn and drinks and you put on like Housewives. You put on every season of Housewives in order, they would never know.

• 1:12:56Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna hang out with a friend and be like, what the f- oh shit. I'm being fucking domed right now.

• 1:13:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, a babe will chill, man. They will chill so fucking hard. Not my babe. My dude, she's constantly like, I wish we could like stay in bed all day. I'm like, I would throw up if I laid down all day. I can't stay, I, I can't until I die. I don't think I'll lay down during the day for the, for the rest of my life. I would go nuts if I just laid there like this, watching television was like.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  That's the dream, bro.

• 1:13:27Matt McCusker?

  Just laying on your back.

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  I get, I.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  I wanna lay, lay on the couch all day.

• 1:13:32Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I panicked, dude.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Watching Matlock.

• 1:13:34Matt McCusker?

  I remember when I used to have a sick day, I, for me, it was like the morning was when I didn't want to go to school. So I'd be like, Mom, I have diarrhea and I would get out of school and I'd be like, yes, I'm out of school. But as the day went on, I'd slowly get filled with a sense of dread and I'd be like, what have I done? And then my cousin would come home, be like, here's your work for today. And I'm like, this is all I missed. It'd be like a sheet of like spelling words and like, okay. But I would, I would get like panicked. By the time the afternoon came, I'd be like, society is moving on without me. I literally, I would feel like I've been left behind. Yeah, I'm worthless. My schoolmates have left me behind and I'm now an ignoramus slaying in bed. I don't know what they know.

• 1:14:12Speaker 01

  And my friends forgot about me because they faked this diarrhea.

• 1:14:17Speaker 00

  Guys, just moved on. I love a good excuse to be lazy, though. Like when you don't have the other shit.

• 1:14:22Matt McCusker?

  See, a snow day is nice. I'll take a snow day.

• 1:14:26Speaker 00

  Rainy day.

• 1:14:27Matt McCusker?

  But then back, back in the day, I'd be like, the girl with the biggest tits doesn't even know me anymore.

• 1:14:34Speaker 00

  Just might have wore a low shirt today for all I know.

• 1:14:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Oh, today was a spring uniform. That means golf shirts. Oh, boy.

• 1:14:40Speaker 01

  Man, I couldn't imagine, not to, couldn't imagine being in like horny times with the things the girls wear nowadays when I was in, you know?

• 1:14:48Matt McCusker?

  I'll be in that young.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:50Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be crazy. I was, I was just talking to Brittany about, about spandex. I was like, you do realize spandex in public is crazy.

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  It's so crazy.

• 1:14:58Matt McCusker?

  Like that, that's nuts, let alone, cause like.

• 1:15:00Speaker 00

  You mean like leggings or like?

• 1:15:02Matt McCusker?

  Leggings.

• 1:15:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:03Matt McCusker?

  Leggings, I'm like, I'm like leggings are like, I'm like, I get it, but it's like, that's still wildly revealing. It's like, you can see the contours of like the butt.

• 1:15:11Speaker 01

  And your pussy.

• 1:15:12Matt McCusker?

  And, you know.

• 1:15:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:14Matt McCusker?

  Most times, a big old camel toe and I'm going like, it's not crazy to like tie something around the waist. Like that's, it's not, it's, it's understandable. Cause it's like, you're, you're out, you're fucking completely on display. And then like, well, I just don't think I did. And then we walked past a lady with her butt cheeks hanging out of shorts and she was like, I can't believe that person's out there right now. I was like, was, it's like spandex, that's the next evolution.

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:36Matt McCusker?

  I was like, everyone's dressing like prostitutes used to dress.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:40Matt McCusker?

  If you wore spandex in the eighties outside, be like, this is a hooker.

• 1:15:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:43Matt McCusker?

  If you wear your butt cheeks out and now like in the nineties, two thousands, butt cheeks out was hookers. Now regular ladies are adopting hooker technology. And I'm like.

• 1:15:51Speaker 00

  See through shit is getting big. I see it a lot.

• 1:15:54Matt McCusker?

  Now it's gonna be see through. It's it's gonna be, it's gonna hit a point where we'll obviously fly back. It already is. There's like the baggy mom jeans now.

• 1:16:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. I do hate that, to be honest.

• 1:16:04Matt McCusker?

  You hate baggy mom jeans?

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  Baggy mom jeans is nice.

• 1:16:06Speaker 00

  It does, it does nothing. Like it really bums me out.

• 1:16:10Matt McCusker?

  Well, it gives you a nice reset. You need to double me re- I can't handle butt cheeks out of shorts and nipples. That's too much for me.

• 1:16:16Speaker 00

  It is a lot. Like I get it.

• 1:16:18Matt McCusker?

  It's too much. It's too much.

• 1:16:19Speaker 00

  I do celebrate. It's too mu- it's a lot. It does. When I driving in New York back in the day, I used to, I used to be like, I know a wreck is coming.

• 1:16:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but if everyone starts doing that, it's gonna be a problem.

• 1:16:31Speaker 00

  I definitely think once you're off, like, once you're off the market, spandex outside, unless you're with your guy.

• 1:16:37Matt McCusker?

  Spandex outside, it's again, it's one of those things. I'm like, whatever. I'm just like stating as a matter of fact.

• 1:16:42Speaker 00

  Nah, I don't like it.

• 1:16:43Matt McCusker?

  It's what hookers, it's what hookers used to wear.

• 1:16:45Speaker 00

  If my lady was going out the house to like, some of the, like sometime, I'm not gonna lie, I've seen them like Instagram leggings that have the pre wedgie.

• 1:16:54Matt McCusker?

  Pre wedgie is crazy.

• 1:16:55Speaker 00

  I go on Amazon, I go, where he's around the house, please?

• 1:16:59Speaker 00

  I've hit the.

• 1:17:00Matt McCusker?

  But the butt, the butt cup spandex, it's like.

• 1:17:04Speaker 00

  It's crazy what it does.

• 1:17:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't have like super strong, like dude, you can't, but I, I just see it and I go like, yeah, well, it's, it's like your butt. Like everyone can see your butt now. It's just, it's your butt. It's just instead of your skin, it's spandex, but it's still your butt. Which in the future, we're all supposed to, we're building towards all wearing spandex all the time. I understand that. I'm not gonna fight against.

• 1:17:22Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 1:17:22Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna have to.

• 1:17:24Speaker 00

  Fuck that.

• 1:17:24Matt McCusker?

  Well, otherwise we're never gonna be in the future, dude. We can't stay baggy and claim to be in the future.

• 1:17:28Speaker 00

  Oh, I hate the baggy though. The new baggy, like that comeback around.

• 1:17:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is kind of annoying too.

• 1:17:34Speaker 00

  It feels crazy, like I, and it's.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  It's oversized.

• 1:17:38Speaker 00

  It's a, yeah.

• 1:17:38Speaker 01

  It's oversized.

• 1:17:39Speaker 00

  We just the same shit as when we were younger and you.

• 1:17:41Matt McCusker?

  Jinko's.

• 1:17:42Speaker 00

  I remember Jinko's were so baggy. Baggy jean shorts are back again, like it's just.

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  Get a six L shirt. It's gonna look regular.

• 1:17:51Speaker 00

  So it's gonna look regular now. It's gonna look.

• 1:17:53Matt McCusker?

  Talty's.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  No, I mean on me.

• 1:17:56Speaker 00

  I thought you meant like.

• 1:17:59Speaker 00

  I thought you meant.

• 1:17:59Matt McCusker?

  Talking about fashion, we're talking seriously. I went tall tees, tall tees were the sickest things. I think if any fashion trend, I think tall tees might be the sickest shit ever.

• 1:18:08Speaker 00

  There was, there was a small era that had like a middle ground that I love.

• 1:18:11Matt McCusker?

  It was like the sleeves were normal cut sleeves, but the tee went kinda long. It was perfect.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  You weren't gonna dress.

• 1:18:19Matt McCusker?

  It wasn't dressless. It wasn't dressless though. I walked into that.

• 1:18:29Matt McCusker?

  I put it on like, this is a dress the whole time. It hugs my waist.

• 1:18:36Matt McCusker?

  It's like, yeah, I put it on, hit like spins and shit and it would fly up in the air.

• 1:18:42Speaker 00

  Well, guys, I believe we did it.

• 1:18:44Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Motherfucking pow hour. Thank you for everybody. Appreciate you guys. Well, uh, yeah, man, we'll just keep on plodding along. So all we can do is plod along with this thing called life.

• 1:18:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, RIP Shane.

• 1:18:55Matt McCusker?

  Wait for the robots.

• 1:19:01Matt McCusker?

  All just wait and see if the robots really take our fucking livelihoods and if, you know, see what happens with the war. Hopefully that stuff blows over and there's peace and that robots don't, you know, take us away. Seems to be hanging over everybody's mind and the robots.

• 1:19:14Speaker 00

  The robots in the war.

• 1:19:15Matt McCusker?

  I don't think some robots are gonna take us over. We're gonna go to World War III. Hopefully it doesn't happen.

• 1:19:19Speaker 01

  When the robots in war join together, that's when we're fucked. That's what everyone's afraid of.

• 1:19:23Matt McCusker?

  War, GOMs, battle bots, nonstop. And we just, our food supply depends on how good our battle bots program.

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  Each country has their own guy.

• 1:19:31Matt McCusker?

  Couple of battle bots wars, maybe I'll be shredded finally.

• 1:19:36Matt McCusker?

  Being crushed by abundance right now.

• 1:19:41Matt McCusker?

  Well, bye, guys.

• 1:19:44Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.

• 1:19:54Speaker 07

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Take out some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:20:25Speaker 05

  With Truvia Sweeteners, it's simple to make sweetness part of your routine. From sweetening your creamy morning matcha to freshly baked blueberry scones, Truvia Sweeteners make it easy to enjoy the flavors you love with less sugar per serving. From everyday drinks to homemade favorites, they're made to fit right in. Because with Truvia, every moment tastes better. Find Truvia at your favorite local grocery retailer and bring better sweetness home.