Jocko Underground: Getting Over Overwhelming Sadness and Guilt from Tragedy.

>Join Jocko Underground Full Episodes< https://app.redcircle.com/shows/64a89f88-a245-4098-8d8d-496325ec4f74/exclusive-content Getting over overwhelming guilt from tragedy. How should civilians respectfully ask veterans about their combat experiences without minimizing their sacrifices or making them uncomfortable? As a new Navy chaplain, how can I best earn the trust of sailors and Marines while helping them through life's toughest challenges? Should I transfer to another office that's better for my family even if it means leaving behind a mentor and a promising career path? How should I handle living near a convicted child predator while protecting my family without compromising my Christian values? Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jocko Willink?

  This is the Jocko Underground Podcast, number 219 with Kerry Helton.

• 0:06Jocko Willink?

  Kerry is sitting in the seat normally occupied by Echo Charles, but Echo Charles is extraordinarily busy.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  It's tied up.

• 0:16Jocko Willink?

  It's tied up on an extended vacation.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  We're holding his calls.

• 0:23Jocko Willink?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Colonel.

• 0:25Jocko Willink?

  You're in the hot seat. You have brought with you today, questions from the front lines.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 0:32Jocko Willink?

  Questions from the trenches. Questions from the troopers that are out there making things happen. And we will provide answers, or suggestions, or guidance, or at a minimum, courses of action for you to proceed. So, let's get into it.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  First question. Jocko, recently, my father died, a Vietnam veteran who was drafted into the first cavalry. My struggles with this is a result of me being one of, me being the one who found him alive, mind you, and trying everything I could to keep him going for EMS to arrive on scene. My mother died in 2001, and I learned how to grow up quickly and become a man, so to speak. But I knew that I was, that I always needed to be there for my father, as it affected him greatly. Although I know he is at peace and where he wants to be reunited with my mother, I cannot stop feeling responsible for what happened to him.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Now, I'm very active, go to the gym regularly, and have become accustomed to using lifting as my therapy. However, I don't understand how I can get past these feelings of being responsible for it all. I was hoping that you could share some insight on how you would handle the loss of a valued teammate during your deployments in Iraq. Heard a little bit about it from your interview with Sean Ryan, but was hoping to try and make this a little more personal towards me. Any thoughts on continuing to mentally strong and getting after it, as you say, is greatly appreciated?

• 2:11Jocko Willink?

  Yeah, well, sorry to hear about your dad and sorry to hear about your mom and thanks to your dad for his service. The first Cav in Nam.

• 2:21Jocko Willink?

  Nothing but respect. And yeah, you say that you've heard me talk about overcoming loss and unfortunately that's something I've had to do quite a bit of. It's something that never, never gets easy. And you know, you probably heard me talk about my initial reaction, especially in combat was just to

• 2:44Jocko Willink?

  get back to work.

• 2:46Jocko Willink?

  Right? Get back to work, but quite frankly, getting back to work is

• 2:54Jocko Willink?

  a distraction.

• 2:56Jocko Willink?

  It's a distraction and it's, and it's actually a distraction in a good way. Because that, you know, in these situations, there's so much emotion that it can be overwhelming. And so I think getting distracted by work is helpful. Because your mind is trying to process all that emotion and you got, you can't just get wrapped up in that emotion. I've seen families do the same thing or family members do the same thing after loss, which is focus on whatever, like the logistics of the funeral and the memorial service and the, the, the, the execution of the will and all these things. And it helps them.

• 3:37Jocko Willink?

  Now you're, you're clearly you're through that phase and by the way, um, I'm glad you're getting after it and using weights as therapy. There is a chance that you need the actual therapy. Like that's a real thing. You, you have, you know, I had my friends to talk to, I don't know who you've talked to about this. Your, your mom's also has died. So I don't know. You've got brothers or, or sisters or someone that you're talking through this stuff with. But if you aren't talking to anyone about this, there's a chance that you need to, you need to go, uh, go to some therapy. Use the protocol that I used first unintentionally, but eventually intentionally, which is write about it. Write about, you know, what happened with your dad, write about what you miss about him, write about how you feel.

• 4:23Jocko Willink?

  That's a good thing to do, but you might need to go and talk to somebody. Which is perfectly normal.

• 4:31Jocko Willink?

  Cause I think that where you're at, you're past the phase of like, hey, we're just gonna work through this. That can get you through a little bit, but you're looking at the big picture right now and. And part of what you're, what you're talking about, part of what you're talking about, I guess is that you somehow feel responsible, which is in this scenario, it does not seem realistic to me.

• 4:50Jocko Willink?

  Death is part of life.

• 4:54Jocko Willink?

  There is a beginning, there is a middle and there's an end and nothing can stop that.

• 5:02Jocko Willink?

  Not the best doctors in the world, not the best scientists in the world, not the person with unlimited money.

• 5:12Jocko Willink?

  No, no one can stop this from happening.

• 5:16Jocko Willink?

  No one can stop this from happening. So to think you can stop this from happening is not a realistic assessment.

• 5:24Jocko Willink?

  This is part of life. It is completely and utterly unstoppable.

• 5:29Jocko Willink?

  And you know, in a way, I'm sure that that can seem very terrible and awful and threatening and overwhelming. Right? To think, hey, we're all gonna die. That might be part of the thing that's bothering you.

• 5:45Jocko Willink?

  I don't know. For me, the fact that death is imminent is kind of comforting because there is no choice but to accept it.

• 5:55Jocko Willink?

  There's no choice but to accept it. There's no, you can't fight against it. There's no other option. It's not like you're in a pressure situation. You have to make a decision. There is no decision.

• 6:06Jocko Willink?

  This is what's happening. There's no other possible way. It's gonna happen to us. It's gonna happen to our family. It's gonna happen to our friends. It's gonna happen to our enemies.

• 6:15Jocko Willink?

  It's gonna happen. This is just it. And again, to me.

• 6:20Jocko Willink?

  It's not a bad thing. It's every, every story has a beginning, a middle and an end.

• 6:28Jocko Willink?

  Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And life would not be so precious without death. In fact, life wouldn't be a thing without death. It wouldn't be a thing.

• 6:40Jocko Willink?

  It wouldn't, it wouldn't be a thing. And your dad got to live a long life. Right? He experienced a lot. He experienced good. He experienced bad. He had a wife. He had a family. He served his country. Honestly, what else is there?

• 6:58Jocko Willink?

  What an, what an incredible legacy.

• 7:05Jocko Willink?

  So to me, in the same way that I try to live my life to honor my friends that I've lost, I think the best possible thing that you can do

• 7:17Jocko Willink?

  is honor your dad. And you honor your dad by living the best life possible. And part of that is not wallowing in or remorse, being remorseful about something that is not under your control. You're, I care, I promise you, your dad does not want you to feel that way. He wants, he, he is, he is begging you to stop feeling like that.

• 7:48Jocko Willink?

  He wants you to, he wants you to carry on. I promise you.

• 7:52Jocko Willink?

  He wants you to go and live life, the best life possible.

• 7:58Jocko Willink?

  Every day, every minute, every second. That's what, that's what he wants.

• 8:05Jocko Willink?

  So that's what I would do if I were you. That's what I do. You ask, share the law, uh, how I handle sharing of loss of teammates?

• 8:18Jocko Willink?

  Live a life worthy of their sacrifice. And for you, live a life worthy of his sacrifice. He made all kinds of sacrifices for you. That, I'm a dad, a dad, being a dad is a massive amount of sacrifice. But you know what? The reward is incredible. And you know what the reward is?

• 8:35Jocko Willink?

  So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground Podcast. So if you want to continue to listen. Go to JacoUnderground.com and subscribe and we're doing this, we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko Podcast, which will remain as is free for all, as long as we can keep it that way. But we, but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors and we're doing it so we can give you more

• 9:16Jocko Willink?

  control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we are, we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So, thank you. It's JacoUnderground.com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email [email protected] and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.