Give Me 60 Minutes and I'll Eliminate Your Self-Doubt Forever with Benny Blanco

In this episode, you’ll learn how to stop doubting yourself and get anything you want in life. Mel is thrilled to introduce you to her incredible guest today – someone she’s admired and followed for years, and who is here today for YOU. Benny Blanco is one of the most successful and sought-after music producers and songwriters in the world and one of the defining hitmakers of the 21st century. Benny is a 12-time Grammy-nominated songwriter and producer with 29 #1 hits and 19 songs that have over a billion streams on Spotify. But, Benny didn’t start his impressive career with everything figured out. He didn’t grow up with money, some magical level of confidence, or everything figured out. He built his career by showing up, failing, getting rejected, trying again, and learning through experience. Today, Benny reveals what most people never see: the rejection, the fear, the self-doubt, and the countless moments when everything could have fallen apart. And he will show you the life-changing tools and strategies that have helped him push through nonstop rejection and setbacks. Benny has also written a fantastic brand-new book called “F*ck Failure” – which happens to be exactly the message he’s here to share with you today: Every single failure is leading you somewhere, even if you can’t see it right now. Your life can look entirely different a year from now. If you want the dream job, true love, unshakeable confidence, better friendships, or more happiness, Benny wants you to know there’s one rule: Keep showing up. In this episode, you’ll learn: -The simple mindset shift Benny uses to erase failure and keep moving -Why you’re only one small move away from changing your life for the better -Why waiting to feel ready is a losing game -The wild story behind a #1 hit that almost never happened, and why it proves you can’t give up -How to stop letting self-doubt make your decisions -How to keep showing up when you’re exhausted, embarrassed, or convinced you have no idea what you’re doing -How to face the fears you’ve been avoiding for years -How a list Benny made before he started dating his wife, Selena Gomez, can help you stop settling in your own life This conversation will make you rethink every failure, every rejection, and every excuse you have been using to stay stuck. As Benny will show you, failure doesn’t have to break you. It’s the very thing that can make you unstoppable. If he can turn his failures into hits, you can turn yours into the life you’ve been wanting to live. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want Mel also wants to tell you: Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morning Join 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspiration The Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on Instagram Follow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTok Want zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:09Mel Robbins?

  You press play on this episode for a reason. It's because you're tired. You're tired of doubting yourself, talking yourself out of the things that you want. Tired of letting fear make your decisions for you. Well, have you picked the right episode to listen to? Because our incredible guest today is gonna look you in the eye and tell you. If you want your life to look and feel different a year from now. You want the dream job, true love, unshakable confidence, better friendships, more happiness. There's one rule. Keep showing up.

• 0:48Mel Robbins?

  Benny Blanco is a 12-time Grammy nominated songwriter and producer with 29 number one hits. And 19 of those songs have over a billion streams each on Spotify. Now, you might not know his name, but I guarantee you, you know his music. Songs like "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber, "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5, hit after hit after hit. But Benny didn't start his impressive career with everything figured out. He's gonna tell you, he didn't grow up with famous parents or money. He doesn't really have any special talents and he'll admit, he's not the hottest guy you're ever gonna see. But that makes him the perfect person to teach you how to erase self doubt,

• 1:33Mel Robbins?

  overcome failure, and start believing in yourself and acting like it. Benny has come all the way to our Boston studios with the real stories behind his success and the hard lessons he's learned along the way. He's gonna share the life-changing tools and strategies that have helped him push through non-stop rejection and setbacks, and they will help you do the same. Benny wants you to know, every single failure is leading you somewhere great, even if you can't see it right now. And if he can turn his failures into hits, you can turn yours into the life you've been wanting to live.

• 2:19Mel Robbins?

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• 3:02Mel Robbins?

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• 3:47Mel Robbins?

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• 4:15Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am fired up for the conversation today. I'm so excited. You're gonna experience this. It's such an honor to be together, to spend this time with you. And if you're a new listener, holy cow. Are you in for a doozy? If you're here because somebody shared this with you, you better thank them. But first, I just wanna take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today, we're talking about how to erase self doubt, overcome failure, and reset your mind for success with the one and only Benny Blanco. Benny is one of the most successful and sought-after music producers and songwriters in the world, and one of the defining hitmakers of the 21st century.

• 5:00Mel Robbins?

  He's a 12-time Grammy nominee who has 29 number one hits. 19 of his songs have over a billion streams each. He has won five BMI Songwriter of the Year Awards. And as a solo artist, he has released two albums that have been streamed more than 11 billion times. Benny is also the New York Times bestselling author of the cookbook called Open Wide. And now, he has written a blockbuster of a book called F-Failure, which happens to be exactly the message he is here to share with you today. Benny Blanco, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Are we on?

• 5:43Mel Robbins?

  We're on.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Okay, I'm ready.

• 5:47Mel Robbins?

  So am I. Here's where I wanna start.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:50Mel Robbins?

  If the person listening takes everything to heart that you're about to share, based on your life experience and your crazy career, about the importance of failure, the importance of how you handle self doubt. If they really take to heart what you're gonna teach us today, what the heck could change about my life?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  I got a few things. One, I'm from Virginia. I'm not from Los Angeles. I am not from New York City. I did not grow up with famous parents. I did not grow up with a ton of money. I was like a funny-looking kid. And somehow, through sheer will and not an incredible amount of talent, I really don't have an incredible amount of talent. I'm not the hottest guy you've ever seen in your life. But somehow, I married the most beautiful, talented woman on planet Earth. I did everything I wanted to do in my career. And I'm still searching for new, amazing opportunities every day.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Look, if you're 5'4" and you wanna be in the NBA, I'm gonna root for you, but it might be an uphill battle. I'd say almost everything in the world, you can do. You can do most of the things if you work hard at it. It's just about getting started, okay? So, everyone always gives 9 million excuses why they're not gonna do something, why they can't. They'll say, oh, I'm gonna write this book, but, oh shit, first I gotta get a typewriter. Oh no, I'm not gonna do a typewriter, I'll do it on my phone. No, no, I gotta be old school and I gotta write it by hand. By then, there's been three weeks and you're still figuring out what apparatus you're gonna use to write your book. And it's just about starting now. Start today. I don't care, whatever idea you have.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  If you have one idea, and it's usually the idea you're too scared to tell anyone because you're embarrassed, you're shy, all of the above. Start doing something to move that from here to here. I'm asking you to move it three and a half inches forward. If you can do that, just start to do it. And you know what? The thing you start off doing might not be the thing you do in the end, but you'll probably land somewhere pretty fucking cool. Like, I thought I was gonna be the biggest singer, rapper in the world when I was 11 years old. That didn't happen for me, but I did get to do some pretty cool shit along the way. So just start somewhere.

• 8:17Mel Robbins?

  You write on the back of this book. I wrote this book to show you why it's the key to success, failure. Every hero you've ever had has failed more times than you can imagine. Nobody is keeping a scorecard on your life except you. And if they are, they're an a-hole. Embrace failure and never look back. Why do you think it's so hard for people to start? Why do we get so up in our heads?

• 8:50Mel Robbins?

  What are we afraid of, Benny?

• 8:52Speaker 01

  I think it's really hard for people to start the engine because there's so many what ifs. Well, what if I post this and then my friends from when I was younger make fun of me because it looks like I'm trying to be like too reachy or too preachy or too this or too that. And then someone says, well, what if I post my music video and it gets zero views? Well, what if I try out for the basketball team and I don't make it? What if I go to acting class and they tell me I'm bad? People are scared of being embarrassed. Okay? It's something that we were taught and it's not true. I fail every day. Okay?

• 9:35Speaker 01

  I fail every single day. And one of my friends, he was going through a tough time, very successful, had something that failed in his career and he like couldn't get over it. And he said, you're standing on a soapbox, talking about how you're gonna do something and it's gonna be the biggest, best thing in the world. And 90% of the time it is, he said, but even when you fail, you just wake up the next day and you just go about it. You just go about it like nothing happened. And I started thinking about it and I said, well, I guess I have like a failure to amnesia.

• 10:14Mel Robbins?

  What does that mean? Failure to amnesia?

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Or amnesia to failure. See, I fail all the time. Look, I just fucked up just now. Okay? So that's a, that's a perfect example. Keep that in. Nobody take that out.

• 10:25Mel Robbins?

  I'm not taking that out, don't you worry.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  So I-

• 10:28Mel Robbins?

  You have an amnesia to failure, meaning you forget about failure?

• 10:31Speaker 01

  If you forget about the failure, I feel like everyone else is gonna forget about it.

• 10:35Mel Robbins?

  I want to make sure that as you're listening, you actually heard what Benny just said. That if you forget about the failure, everyone else is gonna forget about it.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Okay, look, this.

• 10:44Mel Robbins?

  What do you, oh, so he's holding a board that says failure?

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, anyone listening, I'm holding a board. It says failure, okay? This is you. This is me. We are this board. We are together. We both have lots of failures. But if we just go like this and we go like that and we go like that and you just pretend that I'm really good at erasing and there's none of those little specks of failure there anymore? Right now, we have a blank board, okay? So you're looking at this right now. This is me. You don't see failure. You see nothing.

• 11:19Mel Robbins?

  It's so true, but hold on. You know what I see when I look at you?

• 11:21Speaker 01

  What?

• 11:22Mel Robbins?

  Because this is one of the reasons, when you and I first started talking and I think you are such an incredibly powerful and unique teacher. I really do. And yet I was like, okay, and how do I get over the fact and overcome the fact that when somebody looks at you and sees your career or sees you in the public eye and sees all the accomplishments, there's that distance that's sort of like, okay, well, you know, it's Benny Blanco. I mean, what, what, what could he teach me about like how I'm gonna get like happiness in my life or meaning in my life? Do you see what I mean?

• 12:05Mel Robbins?

  And so people look at you and only see the accomplishments, but they don't see the failures that got you here.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  Because nobody's looking at those failures. What do you remember about Michael Jordan? He dunked from the foul line. He scored like the most amount of points out of anyone. Maybe LeBron broke that now. I don't even know. But at that time, it was that. So you're sitting there, you're looking at Michael Jordan. Are you counting all his misses? He took the most shots out of anybody. And it's like, he's not sitting there saying like, I took 22 shots today. I shouldn't take anymore. I only made six of them. No, he's gonna shoot the fucking lights out until he gets what he wants. And I feel like you, me, we're all doing the same thing. I should be the exact person you're listening to. Look at me. I have no special power. I wasn't born with anything special. I'm just a normal guy

• 12:53Speaker 01

  who works really hard and gets what I want because most people, when they get up to that line where it's just a brick wall, okay? You're sitting at a brick wall. Most people, they get to the brick wall, they go, ah, it's a brick wall, I'm gonna turn around. Me, I get to the brick wall and I like, I like, I like throw it to the ground. I run, I jump through it. I might break my neck or something, but I'm gonna die trying to do it. And that's just, if you have the motivation and you just keep going, you don't let anybody tell you, you can't do something because of this, this and that, you can do it. You can do whatever you want. If you put your mind to it, almost.

• 13:36Mel Robbins?

  Well, Benny, you know what I find fascinating is that a lot of, at least for me personally, I can see years wasted waiting for either somebody to pick me or somebody to notice or somebody to give me permission or the perfect conditions. And as everybody's been waiting around for some like other person, right? To give you the signal.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:59Mel Robbins?

  What it's easy to miss is that the only person that's actually stopping you from doing something is you.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  And you're stopping yourself because you're scared and you don't need to be scared. I'm gonna look at the camera again. You don't need to be scared. Nothing bad is going to happen. Except maybe you're right where you started and you just gotta keep working harder at it. And I'll tell you one thing, I've been at the top and had to go all the way back to the bottom and come back up. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been at the top of your game and fallen down so far you don't even know where you could go? And then you gotta climb all the way back up?

• 14:35Mel Robbins?

  Yes, 41, three kids under the age of 10. We were doing great. My husband was in the restaurant business. Things went sideways. We found ourselves 800 grand in debt. Leans hit the house. I lost my job. Couldn't pay for groceries. Like, yeah.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  And what'd you do?

• 14:53Mel Robbins?

  I claw, well, first of all, I drank myself into the ground and then laid around in misery and bitched at my husband and blamed the world for my problems. And that didn't work. And then I finally got so sick of where I was and I got so sick of waiting for somebody else to rescue me. And I got so disgusted by the spiraling that I was creating and the envy that I felt watching other people progress in their lives. Like I literally got just disgusted with myself and the stagnation and the self-loathing that I just had this moment where I just said, if I actually want to change my life, prove it.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Do you remember where you were?

• 15:38Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Where were you?

• 15:39Mel Robbins?

  I was lying in bed on a Tuesday morning, February 2008.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  And then how many things do you think you tried before things started going your way? How many times did you try to get a job, try to do this, try to get money?

• 15:54Mel Robbins?

  It was, do you know, I mean, it took, every day, all day long. That's my life. And you know-

• 16:00Speaker 01

  That's my life.

• 16:01Mel Robbins?

  But when you say that you don't have any special talents, convince me, because I don't believe that.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Okay, here's what I-

• 16:07Mel Robbins?

  Because I think it's a special talent to start, but I think you can teach us how to do it.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Yes. I know if I show up every day. Maybe I don't know even what I'm doing, but if I show up and eventually there might not be the other guy there and they just need the next best thing. Like, it's really not that complicated. Look, it seems so complicated. It seems daunting. For me, I started, okay? I had a dream. I wanted to be a musician, a professional musician.

• 16:40Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Music is gonna be my life. And I have no connections, 0.0 connections. So there's nothing. There's nothing there. There's no point of entry, zero. I can't even go show up somewhere. I don't know where it is to show up.

• 16:59Mel Robbins?

  It's so true.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  So I would go and I would wait outside of recording studios when I was probably at this point like 10, 11.

• 17:07Mel Robbins?

  10 or 11?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd go to a studio. I'd have my mom take me. I'd go to a studio and I'd wait outside. And I'd wait for a person to walk out and I'd say, do you make music? And that was, I would just ask. And then I'd say, can I do anything here? Can I do this? Can I do that? And I was just trying to be in the room because if you show up and you're in the room, something's gonna go down. Something's gonna happen. You're gonna either learn, you're gonna get an opportunity. Like so much of it is just showing up and then finding the room. Okay? That's the first two things.

• 17:39Mel Robbins?

  Okay, and your mom, you figured out where recording studios are, so you're showing up.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  And the turning point for me is the first form of social media came out, okay? And it was called, well, the first form that I got was called MySpace, okay? And I got on MySpace, okay?

• 17:59Mel Robbins?

  So again, showing up.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:01Mel Robbins?

  Putting yourself in the room. These can be real rooms. They can be digital rooms.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  And we didn't even have a computer at this point. So I would do it at lunchtime in the library. And I would do anything I could to get in touch with people. So first thing I started doing is I would cold call record labels, okay? And let's say I was calling Interscope Records. I would call up and I'd say, is Jimmy Iovine there? Jimmy Iovine ran Interscope Records. I'd say, is Jimmy Iovine there? And then I would look up who Snoop Dogg or Tupac, I'd look up who their lawyer was. I'd look up online and then I'd call and I'd say, ah, yes, I'm, I'm, I'm calling on behalf of Jay-Z. This is Michael Guido.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  We need to speak to, you know, Jimmy immediately. And, you know, half the time they wouldn't do it, but occasionally I would get put through. Okay, so I'd be put through to the president of the company and I'd say, oh, I'm sorry, this isn't, uh, Michael Guido. I just want to let you know this is Benny Blanco. I have all this music I want to show you, blah, blah, blah. And I'd get hung up on and, but eventually I started becoming friendly with the interns, with the people that answered the phone. And I kept those relationships up till this, I mean, my manager, my manager of my career is a person I met when I was 16 years old, doing all these same shenanigans, working for people, interning for people.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  And I still am with him 20 something years later. And a lot of those people I first called are now the heads of companies and, and I still have those relationships 20 something years later. And I started, I had no idea what I was doing, but I got up, I woke up and I did the same thing in you. I got out of bed and I just start every day myself. I try to make every day the best day I can for that day, okay? And the only way you don't get better-

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Is if you don't get out of bed. And getting out of bed doesn't just mean getting out of bed. Getting out of bed means going and attacking the day. And as long as you start attacking the day, it will get better.

• 20:15Mel Robbins?

  Benny, you are on a roll and I don't even want to stop you, but I have to hit pause so we can hear a word from our sponsors. And don't go anywhere because a little later Benny is going to tell you about a specific list that you need to make to find the right person, which is exactly how he found Selena Gomez. Benny and I will be waiting for you after this short break. Stay with us.

• 20:43Mel Robbins?

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• 21:28Mel Robbins?

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• 22:08Mel Robbins?

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• 22:51Mel Robbins?

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• 23:34Mel Robbins?

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• 24:19Mel Robbins?

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• 24:46Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today Benny Blanco is here in our Boston studios. He's come here for one reason. He's come here for you. He is here to inspire you and to teach you how to overcome fear, erase self-doubt, and get started creating the life that you deserve. Benny, here's where I want to go next. I want to read to you from what is going to be a blockbuster bestseller. This book, I love the color.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 25:11Mel Robbins?

  This is page 72.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:15Mel Robbins?

  Here's a fun fact. You're never going to feel ready to start. If you wait around until you feel prepared or like you have enough experience or like you know how it all works, I will come back to check on you in five years. And you will still be standing exactly where you are right now. Success is not worrying about the inevitable failure that comes from not totally knowing what you're doing. It's about going all in with so much conviction that everyone believes you, including yourself, then rolling the dice. What does that mean?

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Right before I do something, I get scared. But it's a different type of scared. I'm not scared to do it. It's about to happen. It's about to happen. And there's that moment where you go, do I want everyone to know this? Do I want everyone to know this? Do I, fuck it. And then you just go for it. And I'm always gonna go for it. Because if I believe it, if I can sell a dream to myself and to the people around me, it's just gonna start swaying in your direction. Like the gravity will pull. If you have the energy on your side and you're moving forward, even if some things are pushing you back, eventually you're gonna be able to push through.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  And it's just, most people find it hard to do that first push. And a lot of people don't believe in themselves.

• 26:44Mel Robbins?

  Well, what would you say to the person who's listening like, I want that? Yes, yes. And I don't believe in myself. Maybe they've been rejected after trying for a little bit. It's taking too long. And so that self-doubt is really there. What would you say to the person who's listening who's like, Benny, I want that, but I don't know how to start believing in myself?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  How bad did the rejection hurt? Okay, that's first what I want to know. How bad was it being rejected? Is it bad? Yeah, you asked someone out when you're a kid and they say no. And you're embarrassed for a few hours. And then you come back to school the next day and nobody gives a shit because a new person got asked out and rejected. So first you gotta know, how bad did it hurt to be rejected? I promise you, you're sitting there, you're talking to yourself right now, and you're saying it's not that bad in your head. You want to say it's worse. You really want to say, it was this terrible thing and I couldn't get out of bed for 16 years. No, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. It sucked. It sucked for a second. It wasn't that bad. Okay, so rejection's not that bad.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  So that's not your excuse. Okay. Is it gonna be hard? Yeah, it's gonna be hard. What, you just want to like immediately be the best at something in the world? No, you're gonna have to work at it. And you're gonna fail. And you're gonna have so many barriers and you're gonna have so many times where you want to quit. But you're not gonna, because you know that if you do quit, you're just giving space for that other person trying the same thing to just get right ahead of you.

• 28:14Mel Robbins?

  Oh, God, that's a good one.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:17Mel Robbins?

  That the second you quit, you actually just...

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Open the door for someone else.

• 28:22Mel Robbins?

  I think what you're talking about is really interesting because a lot of people believe that the path to getting what they want should or will be easier than it needs to be, and it will be. Like, let's talk about that.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  It's gonna be harder.

• 28:37Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, like it's gonna be so much harder than you think it is.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  You're gonna work harder than you've ever worked in your life and you're gonna want to quit. I want to quit all the time. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. Like, we're all tired. Everyone is tired. I'm looking at, are you tired? Yes, you don't even, I know you're shaking your head. Yes, we're all tired. Everyone is tired. I'm tired doing a thing that I love more than anything in the world. But I'm tired because I'm putting in the hours and I'm doing... And you know, sometimes, look, I'll be for real with you. Sometimes I've been working all day, okay? And I finally get home. I'm exhausted. It's eight. I gotta make dinner. Selena's waiting for me. She's been waiting to eat. And yet sometimes I come home and I'm exhausted. And I know I have to give that to her because she wasn't part of that day.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Her day is just starting now with me. Success comes in so many different forms. And if I get to come home and I listen to everything she's saying and she tells me about her whole day and we get to connect on a deeper level, like, that's another sign of success. I didn't fail. I succeeded, you know?

• 29:42Mel Robbins?

  Well, I really got something out of what you just said. So I want to hover right here for a minute. Because you said something that has never quite hit me that way, which is when you get home after a long stressful day and you are walking in and your wife Selena's there.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:58Mel Robbins?

  Her day with you is just starting.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:01Mel Robbins?

  And after being with Chris for 32 years.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:05Mel Robbins?

  I will tell you, that poor man. Typically, it's the worst of me, even though he is my favorite person in the world and deserves the best. But I had never thought about framing it as your kids, or your spouse, or your friend, or your brother, or your mom. Their day is starting with you when you walk in at the end of the day.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Of course, of course. Look, you're not going to win every time. And I'm competitive until the thing's over. Like, let's say I'm in a race to get a song number one, or to get number one on the book charts. I'm going to give it my all, and I'm going to be competitive as shit and do everything I can. Or if I want to get that job, I'm going to do everything I can. And then, at the end, whether I get it or not, that's the end. I did my absolute hardest. I put all the effort I could possibly do into it, and I'm happy. That's success to me. Whether it's technically a failure or not, that is still success to me. That is the definition.

• 31:05Mel Robbins?

  So do you have a trick? Like, if you put your all into something, and then it doesn't happen?

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:10Mel Robbins?

  Is there a way you unhook yourself from the fact that it didn't happen?

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I say, what else could you have done? I only am mad at myself if I didn't do all the things. Sometimes things don't work. Sometimes it's not the right time, not the right place. I'm not going to give up on that passion, but I might have to go back to the drawing board and say, okay, how did this not work? Like, what can I do differently this time to make this work for me? And sometimes, working doesn't mean being number one on the chart. Like, for me to know that this resonated with people, for me to know this or that. And if I did everything I possibly could do, it's complete. And the only way that stays a failure and doesn't get flipped into a success is if I didn't learn from what happened during that failure.

• 31:59Mel Robbins?

  What I wanted to unpack with you, Benny, is the fact that it is also hard to not do it. It is hard to sit in the self-doubt. It is hard to say all the what-ifs. It is hard to think about all the things you could be doing and watching everybody else do it. And at some point, understanding that either one, doing it, or not doing it, is hard.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, they're both painful. Everything in life is going to be hard at some point. That's just how it works. The best things in the world. You say you have a kid, you love your kid. Something's going to be fucking hard. You have a relationship, you love. I don't care if it's the best relationship in the world. It's hard because two people are fitting together, and two people have completely different lives, and they have to coexist and live together. Let's say you're working for someone. It's going to be hard because you're going to have to do things for that person above you. Let's say that person above you is having a shitty day, and they're taking it out on you. Like, it's going to be hard. It's all going to be hard. So, your point's perfect, because it's like, if it's all going to be hard,

• 33:09Speaker 01

  at least do something that's going to have some relief somewhere, rather than just sitting in a hole that's always going to be a hole of misery.

• 33:16Mel Robbins?

  Thank you for saying that. I have so many more things I want to ask you. So here's what we're going to do. Benny, we're going to hit pause on this recording. We're going to let our sponsors share a few amazing words, and I'm going to give you a chance to share a little Benny Blanco with the people in your life. But don't you dare go anywhere. Benny and I will be waiting for you after this short break. So stay with us.

• 33:39Mel Robbins?

  One of the things I'm most proud of here at the Mel Robbins Podcast is that we're constantly growing and hiring new, amazing people to join the team. So let me introduce you to our new producer, Matt. Matt, you just moved to Boston, joined our team, furnished your new apartment with our sponsor, Wayfair. Be honest, how empty was this place when you got the keys?

• 33:59Speaker 02

  It was pretty sad. Like, air mattress on the floor, eating takeout in a lawn chair, sad.

• 34:05Mel Robbins?

  So where did you even start?

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Went straight to Wayfair, because I needed everything. Bed frame, couch, area rug, desk, you name it.

• 34:12Mel Robbins?

  How did Wayfair help you feel at home?

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Once I laid out the rug and assembled the couch, I was like, all right, this is home now.

• 34:19Mel Robbins?

  Well, there you have it. More than 20 million verified five-star reviews on Wayfair. Helps shoppers buy with confidence. Plus, Wayfair Rewards members get 5% back on every purchase. Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 34:44Mel Robbins?

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• 35:29Mel Robbins?

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• 36:01Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today, you and I are hanging out with 12-time Grammy-nominated producer and songwriter Benny Blanco. We are talking in our Boston studios with you all about failure, and erasing self-doubt, and the importance of starting. So Benny, let's just jump right back in. You're very open about a fear that you've had for the last 15 years. Can you talk to us about it? What is this big fear that you got over?

• 36:27Speaker 01

  I wouldn't say got over.

• 36:28Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  But, okay. So, I was on an airplane in 2009. So I get on the plane. My plane instantly is a terrible flight. Like, it couldn't be worse. It's like one of those flights where no one's allowed to go to the bathroom. There's no drinks, no anything.

• 36:51Mel Robbins?

  That's the sign that, that things are dangerous. When they don't put the cart in the aisle.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Well, they had it up at the beginning, and it flew down the thing. So it's tense. So, get off the plane, get on another plane that's like this big. And I'm connecting. It's like me and my three friends, and I can like smell what the pilot had for lunch. And I'm on another bad flight. And then I tell my manager, I say, I don't know if I can fly home. And I remember I took a train home. So I took a train back to New York from Florida.

• 37:24Mel Robbins?

  From Florida?

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, and I was like, oh, it was so annoying. But then, I get home, and I fly again a few times. I remember I had a girlfriend at the time in London. I'm going to see her. It's okay. Like, I'm okay. But I'm like really on edge. Like, every little bump is like making me nervous. On the way home, this was back in the day, I don't even know if it's like this anymore, where like your TV came out of like a thing next to the rest or whatever. And I remember, I'm on there, we hit a bump, and my TV thing just flies off. And I'm like, I'm never flying again. At this point, first I like, my brother drives me across country for the first time. And then, my friends did.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Then I took a train, then I took a bus, then I started taking a tour bus. And I really never flew again, really, after that. I, um...

• 38:17Mel Robbins?

  For how long?

• 38:18Speaker 01

  I flew a handful of times after 2009. And I flew once in 2018. Then I flew once in like 2019. And then, I flew once like a week or two ago, or like a month ago.

• 38:35Mel Robbins?

  Really?

• 38:37Speaker 01

  I flew a month or two ago for this book. Because I said, if I'm talking about failures and successes and coming over them, how could I not get on a plane? And I was scared, but I didn't hit the snooze button. I woke up, I attacked the day, and I got on the plane. And then I went and I ate tacos. But, I was scared. I was scared, but I did it. I was convincing myself that I was going to do it. I don't know if I'm cured forever. I was still very scared, but I did it. And then, I'll tell you something. I'll tell you a few stories. One time, me and Ed Sheeran were finishing the Divide album, okay? And that's like his album with "Shape of You," "Perfect," "Castle on the Hill," like, so many big songs.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  And he said, I want to finish the album in my hometown, in Suffolk, which is on, you know, the coast of England. So, I said, Ed, I, I don't fly. And he knew I didn't fly. And he said, come on, man, just fly. And I said, I can't fly. And he said, well, what if we take a boat? So, we took a boat from New York City to London. And it was seven and a half days. And we watched the Titanic on the boat while we cuddled together.

• 39:54Mel Robbins?

  You were a glutton for punishment.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  And we made, we actually made a lot of the album on the boat. There's a documentary out about the whole experience.

• 40:03Mel Robbins?

  Huh.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  And I'm crazy. And I wanted to prove I could do this. Because I like, I have to practice what I preach. But, yeah, it still haunts me, it's still hard. It's still, I did it, but it was tough. It was really hard. And I'm going to have to do it again. But yeah, I'm literally taking a boat in a few weeks to Europe, again.

• 40:25Mel Robbins?

  Again?

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Again.

• 40:26Mel Robbins?

  How does it feel to know that that fear is stopping you from making certain decisions?

• 40:35Speaker 01

  It doesn't stop me from making decisions because I work so hard that I have to find a way to do it. So I still get to whatever destination I need to. But, yeah, it's stupid. Are you kidding me?

• 40:47Mel Robbins?

  Well, it's not stupid, because it's very real.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  It's very stupid.

• 40:49Mel Robbins?

  But it's very real.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Stupid and real don't, don't mean, like, it, it's stupid. And sometimes, look, I'm not saying...

• 40:59Speaker 01

  You have to be perfect. I am the furthest version from perfect that there is. I mess up constantly. I'm the same guy who will go in and I'll say something and I'll say, oh, why did I say that? That was so stupid. I shouldn't say that. I still have imposter syndrome.

• 41:15Mel Robbins?

  You?

• 41:15Speaker 01

  I do.

• 41:16Mel Robbins?

  When?

• 41:17Speaker 01

  I still do.

• 41:18Mel Robbins?

  Like, put me at the scene in the last time you had imposter syndrome.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  When I walked in here today.

• 41:23Mel Robbins?

  Really?

• 41:23Speaker 01

  I'm saying, when I walked in and there was a bunch of people in here, the first thing that I said, I said, ah, why are all these people here for me? This is like, shouldn't they just do their stuff? And I started getting embarrassed. And sometimes I'll be like, always when I'm doing one of these things, I'm like, well, why does a person want to listen to what I have to say? And I think that's also part of what helped me get to where I am today. I just want people to really know, like, it's very easy for me and Mel to sit here and say like, you're gonna do this and you're gonna do that. But like, I know for us, there's forms of self doubt. There's times when we don't feel like doing it.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  There's times when I wake up and I say, fuck, I can't do today. The point I'm trying to make is I feel like sometimes people will start what they're doing. And then they'll regress and they'll have that moment and they'll say, oh, it's already gone. I stopped, I can't do it. And it's not true. It's not true. You're just gonna get up and you're gonna work twice as hard tomorrow. It's not always perfect and that's okay. And it's okay to fail and it's okay to be bummed about failing too. But in the back of your head, you still gotta be like, today I couldn't do it. I couldn't fight. I wanted to, I couldn't do it. And tomorrow I'm gonna work fucking three times as hard.

• 42:41Mel Robbins?

  I want to make sure as you're listening, you really heard something really important that Benny just explained. Which is, when it comes to success and creating the life that you want or going after goals that you really feel called to go after, the skill is not that you just start and you keep going and then suddenly it gets easier. The actual skill that creates the things that you want is continuing to wake up for decades and not feel like it. Continuing to have it be really hard. Continuing to question what you're doing. And the skill becomes showing up anyway. That's what I kind of hear you saying.

• 43:24Mel Robbins?

  That like, it's not about that if you just keep showing up and you just keep producing the music or you just keep posting the videos or you just keep trying to lose the weight, that it's gonna get any easier, because I don't think it does.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  No, that's people's biggest misconception. Look, I'll tell you a story.

• 43:40Mel Robbins?

  Tell me a story.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  The year is maybe 2015, I don't even know. I'm so bad with years. I was a really successful producer and songwriter and I-

• 43:49Mel Robbins?

  Can you stop before you tell the story? Can you just tell the person who's listening, like, what does that mean? Like, how old were you when you signed your first record deal?

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Well, I signed my first record deal when I was seven, eh, eighteen.

• 44:00Mel Robbins?

  Seven?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Eighteen.

• 44:01Mel Robbins?

  Okay, eighteen.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  My first like, real, real one. Basically, I started writing songs for other people, okay? I had a knack for it, I guess. And I was able to create most of like, the soundtrack for like, kids' childhood from a certain era. I hate talking about myself, but for all intents and purposes, I was at the top of the charts for many, many years for writing most of the popular songs at any given time.

• 44:31Mel Robbins?

  Well, just give the person a couple, like, because somebody might not know what you're talking about.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Hold on.

• 44:35Mel Robbins?

  And you're not talking about Kids Bop?

• 44:36Speaker 01

  No, I'm gonna, I'm, guys, this, this is so embarrassing, just because I always forget. I'm gonna, I'm gonna literally Wikipedia myself. I'll read a few. Katy Perry, I Kissed a Girl. Katy Perry, Hot and Cold. Britney Spears, Circus. Kesha's TikTok. Kesha's Blah, Blah, Blah. Kesha's Your Love Is My Drug. Katy Perry's California Girls. Katy Perry's Teenage Dream. Rihanna, Diamonds. Maroon 5, Moves Like Jagger. Maroon 5, Payphone. Maroon 5, Maps. Maroon 5, Animals. Ed Sheeran's Don't. Ed Sheeran's entire Divide album. Justin Bieber's Love Yourself. Major Lazer's Cold Water. Señorita by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello. There, I mean, I, I don't, I'm done.

• 45:21Mel Robbins?

  Great, no, no, that, that like, gives good context. So let's go back to the story now that we have the context. You said it was like, 2015 or something.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  We're going even earlier than that.

• 45:29Mel Robbins?

  Okay, great.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Okay, so I was really in a good position, okay? I had all the success, all these number ones. And I was finding it hard to get the work I wanted. And I was like, why is this so difficult? And I was like, still running into the same problems. I always thought, when I was younger and I was making these songs, oh, well, once I have all the hits, everyone's just gonna come to me. I was still running into the same problem. And honestly, it was even worse, because people were like, oh, well, you made, any song you played them has to be the biggest song in the world, because they're expecting something that's so larger than life. And I was on tour with Ed Sheeran, okay?

• 46:12Speaker 01

  And The Defiant Ones had just come out by, uh, doc, it's a documentary with Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. And I remember sitting backstage at Gillette Stadium with Ed Sheeran. And it was his first time ever playing a stadium show. And we were watching Defiant Ones and it just finished. And he stood up and he said, man, they did so much in their life. What the fuck are we doing with our lives? And literally as he said, what the fuck are we doing with our lives? A man comes backstage and says, all right, Ed, you're on. And Ed went and played in front of 75,000 people. And I remember right after that, I called my manager, who's right outside, the guy I've known since I was 15.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  And I said, we gotta do something different. No one's taken my music. The artists are changing, that idea isn't, I need to put out the music myself. I need to be the record label, the artist, the publisher, everything. And two days before, me and Ed had made a demo together. And the demo was the beginnings of a song called East Side, okay? And I told him, I said, hey, I think I really want to use East Side for my artist project. I want to become an artist. And I thought Ed was gonna say, dude, what the fuck are you talking about? Just make songs for us, that's it. And he looked at me and he said, I can't believe it's taken you so long to do this. You should totally become an artist.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Ed tells me to do it. The song's amazing. I love it. Then I say, wait, I think this song should be a duet, okay? And I'm at my house one day and I'm recording Halsey. And I said, I got this song that I did with Ed and I want it. I'm making my own artist thing. And she was like, you're making an artist project? And I thought it was like, gonna be, what are you doing? She was like, that's awesome, of course I'll do it. So within like, 20 minutes, she does her verse on the song. So now I have one artist on the song. I somehow get put in touch with Khalid at the time. And this is like, he was really top of the charts at this point.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  And I said, I have this song, I want you to be on it. And he says, let's do it. So he records the song, okay? Then we get to the point where the song's about to come out and I send Khalid the song back and he said, I hate my vocals. I have to redo it. Or the song can't come out. And I said, we got one more day, the song has to be sent to master. With all odds stacked up against us, we get that done, okay? So song is recorded, it's finished. I say, we're home free, everything's good. All the powers that be, all the label owners, the managers, it gets all fucked up. Song's not coming out anymore.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  Okay, song's not coming out. We wait more months. Now we're 10 months after, you know, things were gonna happen. So many start and stops. And I finally get to the point where I'm about to give up. And I have a call, someone in the deal is not budging. And it's either this way or the highway. And it was something that was unworkable. And I remember everyone was like, we gave it our best shot. I said, I'm gonna call one more time. And- I smoothed the deal out. Immediately called on my people. Everyone did it. We finally get the song out. Okay? Song comes out. And I'm like, let's go.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Doesn't really do anything. Like, it's like going, but it's like. And I'm like, okay. And then starts picking up a little bit. Okay? Then a little more. Then a little more. And it was the longest climb to number one in radio history. The longest it's ever taken for a song to get from the bottom to the top. Okay? Now I have my first hit song as an artist. Now, that long story I took there, that was just one story in the process of making an album. And to you, you saw this song come out, be incredibly successful.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  You probably didn't even realize that it took that long to get there. You definitely didn't realize all the conversations I had staying up, trying to get this song to happen. I had so much self doubt. I was questioning it all the time. I was questioning every second of the way. And then I got there and we did it. And I could have given up and I could have hit the snooze button. And I could have looked when failure was written all over that board that I threw around. But I just got up and I kept doing it. And I don't know why I kept doing it. I kept putting my foot in front of the other, even if I didn't know why I was doing it. And then we got there and we did it and we did it. And a thing that was just a little dream backstage at a show became the rest of my life.

• 51:20Mel Robbins?

  I love the story so much. And one of the reasons why is because as you go along the trajectory of what sounded like almost a two year long project.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  Almost, yeah.

• 51:34Mel Robbins?

  And the various points, there was infinite moments where you could have just been like, fuck this.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:45Mel Robbins?

  I, it is done. Okay, I got the no, I'm exhausted, I'm not doing this anymore. And in those infinite moments, all it takes is one person to still believe. And that person is just you. And it's one of the things that you've kind of been saying over and over, that if you wake up every day and say, I'm just gonna move this song forward three inches today. And then I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow until I get enough momentum to make the phone call.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:20Mel Robbins?

  And inch it forward three more inches. And what's amazing about that story, because I really want you to sit with this as you think about where you are in your life, is how many days you wake up and you're the no. And you're coming up with the reasons why you can't inch it forward or find another way. And, you know, you talked Benny about the what ifs, right? And you sit in the what if, and what if, what if? And we don't ever ask ourselves, what if it all works out? What if I make one more phone call and I can get the deal done? What if I ask one more time? What if it works?

• 52:57Speaker 01

  My mom, she never chased her dreams. Never. My mom worked as a person who set up the jewelry at like JCPenney's and Macy's. She eventually landed in a job that she did like, where she worked at an assisted living home and she was giving back to people. I asked her, I said, why didn't you chase your dreams? When she was younger, she was a model and then she painted and she had all these dreams. And she said, I wasn't taught to believe. When you went to school, you went to school, they told you, you're supposed to do this and you're supposed to get a job and you're supposed to not make a mess. You're not supposed to make, the world tries to tell you not to make a mess.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  They try to be really clean and you gotta do as you're told and you gotta get your job and then you gotta go here and then you gotta do this. And then for 30 years you work and then maybe you'll get social security. And there's like, they're telling you all these things. And we're just supposed to sit back and take them at face value and just listen? The reason why I want this book to happen is because I know there's so many people out there that have ideas, thoughts, concepts, musical ability, acting talent, that can make the world a better place and inspire us and change us.

• 54:18Mel Robbins?

  Thank you for saying that, because I do get both sad and frustrated. Because I see that inside every single person, there is this untapped potential. There is a story to tell, there is a song to sing, there is a book to write, there is a difference to make, there's something to build, to create, to connect with. And I think it is so sad. And I, and I say sad because I can see now, looking backwards Benny, the decades, the decades where I was the one who was in my way. I was the loudest no. I was the one saying, it's not gonna work.

• 55:00Mel Robbins?

  I was the one saying, not you, not now. Who do you think you are? What are people gonna think? That I was the one that blocked it. And I think for a lot of us, that is the biggest barrier to starting. And you'll never believe if you don't actually see yourself start taking that first step. You know, one of the things you talk about Benny is that life is like a stool and that there are three legs to really focus on. And I think this is really helpful, particularly if everything feels overwhelming.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Okay. I have a stool here.

• 55:36Mel Robbins?

  Yep.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  So your life is this stool. Okay? So this is success. This is the end goal. Okay? Now, you have three legs. A stool is made of three legs. Okay, now Mel, when you're thinking of what three things are that make up your life, what are they? You know, most people say career, relationship, self-care, health, whatever it is, whatever your three are, what are your three? Just, just you, it doesn't have to be the same as mine.

• 56:07Mel Robbins?

  Oh, well, it would definitely be like relationships and family.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  Okay, so family is right here.

• 56:12Mel Robbins?

  For sure.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:13Mel Robbins?

  Uh, the other one would be purpose and impact, so it's kind of career.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:18Mel Robbins?

  You know, like, yeah, and impact.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Purpose and impact.

• 56:21Mel Robbins?

  Yeah. And then the third would be health, because if you don't have your health, you don't have a life.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Okay, health. I don't have three arms, but I'm grabbing all these legs. Okay. So let's say you're crushing it. You own a company, you have the fucking Ferrari, the Lamborghini, everything's good. But your kids hate you. Okay? So that's your, that, that, that's the relationship and family, okay? Your kids hate you, okay? So now I'm gonna let go. Okay, what just happened?

• 56:51Mel Robbins?

  Uh, your life sucks.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Your life sucks. Okay. Now we're pulling this back up. In life, when you can get that combination of the three, then nothing's stopping you. Nothing, nothing in the world. And I recently got that. I recently got that in probably the last five years. And I feel more stable than I ever have in my entire life. And if all those little pegs, those legs are strong, then you're rocking. If they aren't, you gotta realign. Sometimes you gotta step back, you gotta get up and do my method, you gotta do whatever it is to realize that it's not working.

• 57:31Mel Robbins?

  Yeah. Everything can wait until I get this back in balance.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 57:35Mel Robbins?

  That's your method. I want to read to you from your bestselling book, this is page 108, and it's really about timing.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:43Mel Robbins?

  And the importance of timing. Everything in life is about timing. My relationship with Selena is another great example. We first met about 15 years ago. We worked together five or six years after that. And then again, five or six years after that. And had a casual friendship during the time. Then we started dating a few years after that. Now she's my wife. We always talk about how it never would have worked out if it were at a different time or place in our lives, because neither one of us would have likely been ready. So what had to change about your life in order for the timing to be right and for you to be ready to have the relationship that you have now?

• 58:25Speaker 01

  I had to figure out that work-life balance. I was filling up the career side a little too much. I had to get healthy and that means physically, mentally, all of that. I had to understand myself. I always wanted to do so much. I wanted to fulfill my destiny. I had so many things I wanted to do. And I realized over time, it doesn't have to happen overnight. It can, honestly, sometimes waiting and getting there slowly makes it even better when you get to the finish line.

• 59:05Mel Robbins?

  So was it even on your radar? I mean, you guys knew each other for 15 years, which I find to be really interesting.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  No. She asked me out. There's imposter syndrome. I, I didn't even think of it. I wasn't even on my radar as if it would be a date. And then when we were on our first date, she's like, well, I, I wouldn't have worn this if it was our, and I said, date? Oh, wow. Okay. And then, then I'm thinking about it like that. And no, it wasn't even, I always think those are the best type of relationships, when you're friends with someone and you know them. And then once you are there, it's like, there's not too much, like, it's always so scary starting a new relationship. It's like being with a new therapist. It's like, oh, I gotta tell, I was already with someone, they know my backstory.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  What, I gotta, I gotta catch you up to 38 years of speed? So it's like, so she already knew, obviously didn't know me deeply like that, but she knew me and there was a rapport there. So it made it easy and comfortable.

• 1:00:07Mel Robbins?

  How did you get clear about what you actually wanted? Because you said something that struck me about like, really understanding how you wanted to love and be loved.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  I wrote a list with my therapist.

• 1:00:19Mel Robbins?

  You did?

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Yep, my therapist, we made a list.

• 1:00:21Mel Robbins?

  Of what?

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  I'll tell you exactly what we did. I said, I really want to find the right partner and I'm doing something wrong. I can't find the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with and I want to do that. And we came up with some guidelines and a list. Okay, first, he said, I want you to write down what you think your ideal partner should be. Okay? The first thing on my list was age appropriate. Okay? So I wanted to date someone that was, I, I, you have to be very honest with yourself.

• 1:00:56Mel Robbins?

  I have never had that on a list. I mean, that is like.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  So that was, that was, I, I, age appropriate.

• 1:01:03Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  Okay. Then.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  The second thing on my list was someone who's nice. Nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who's a nice person. Okay? The third thing on my list was I wanted someone who woke up generally happy. Who wasn't so sad when they woke up. And if they were sad, they were doing something about it.

• 1:01:28Mel Robbins?

  Hmm.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Like they were going to therapy. They were taking medicine if they need to. They were doing yoga. They were actively trying to, because sometimes people just wake up sad. That's just part of how it is. And, and I had a list of things, and these were like broad things. It wasn't like, I want their like left toe longer than their right. Like, these were like broad things. And if it didn't meet those like first five or six things, couldn't even pursue. Don't waste your time. Don't, don't waste your time.

• 1:01:55Mel Robbins?

  Wow. I, I want to just broaden this to the person listening because as I hear this story, I can't help but think what would be on my list.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:04Mel Robbins?

  And as we think about taking on this exercise, because it's true. You can get so focused on the outside of the chemistry or whatever it may be, that you don't stop and think on an average Tuesday.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:15Mel Robbins?

  Who is it that I want to be with? And what does it feel like? And what's important to me? And I'm not sure a lot of us have ever stopped to write that down. So if you had to give some counsel to the person who's listening about like guidelines about the list, what would you say? Okay, if you're going to do this.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Here's what you need to do. You need to cut off all the people right now that you know aren't on that list. For your sake and for their sake. Cut off all the people that don't make the list you're about to make. I think you need to find someone that's both nice themselves and nice to you.

• 1:02:46Mel Robbins?

  Hmm.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Okay? I think you need to find someone that you can imagine spending the rest of your life with. Like, you're essentially trying to find your best friend. Okay? Does that person make you laugh? Can you be fine staying home and not going out with any of your friends? And not having FOMO because you're with the best person in the world? Because I know I can. I know I could let everything else in the world happen and it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I'm with my best friend.

• 1:03:15Mel Robbins?

  One of the things I love about this recommendation of making a list is that you mentioned that a lot of people struggle with feeling worthy. And so you end up settling for somebody who doesn't treat you that well. The simple act of making this list and allowing yourself to consider what you actually want is an act of saying, I'm worthy of it. So Benny, if the person who's listening.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:43Mel Robbins?

  Takes one action after listening to everything that you have taught us and shared with us today, what do you think the most important thing to do after listening to this is?

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  I want you to do a few things. I don't want you to do one thing. I want you, right after this is done, I want you to either grab a pen, paper, your cellphone, however you want to write things down, your laptop. And I want you to make a list of something you want to do. Maybe it's one thing, maybe it's 10 things, maybe it's 20. I want you to make a list of some things you want to do. And I want you to pinpoint just one you're going to focus on right now. Okay? If one comes to mind, 20 comes to mind. Find that one you're going to focus on. Okay? Then I want you to make another list of the first things you have to put together to get that moving in the right direction.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  Then I want you, today, not tomorrow, today, and move it even a centimeter forward. Okay? And then just keep that same momentum. And you know, some days you might let it sit still or might go back one inch. But I want you to keep doing that. And I promise you, I promise you, you will be in a better place than you were before you started this podcast.

• 1:05:08Mel Robbins?

  What if it all works out?

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Not what if, it will all work out.

• 1:05:14Mel Robbins?

  That's true. Especially if you don't quit. Like, I think that's actually the secret. It works out if you don't quit. Like, you can't fail if you don't quit.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  You can't. You can't. You might still be working at the same thing for a while, but you're not going to fail.

• 1:05:26Mel Robbins?

  That's right. Benny Blanco, what are your parting words?

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Try to do what you want that's going to like fulfill you. And don't just go along with what you were taught to by like some archaic thing in a textbook. And yeah, be yourself because everyone else is taken.

• 1:05:46Mel Robbins?

  Benny Blanco.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  54321.

• 1:05:52Mel Robbins?

  Oh my God. There he goes, everybody. Benny Blanco. And before I sign off, I want to make sure I acknowledge you. Thank you for hitting play. Thank you for listening all the way to the end. I am so excited that you got to experience this. And thank you in advance for sharing a little Benny Blanco wisdom with everybody in your life. And one more thing. In case no one else tells you this today, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. There is no doubt in my mind that there was something very specific that Benny shared today that was exactly what you needed to hear right now. So go do it. All righty, I'll see you in the very next episode.

• 1:06:36Mel Robbins?

  I'm going to welcome you in the moment you hit play.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  I feel like you're my lawyer and I'm on a murder trial and I'm praying that you get me out.

• 1:06:48Mel Robbins?

  I can get you out.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  I feel, you feel like, I feel like, were you ever a lawyer?

• 1:06:51Mel Robbins?

  I was a legal aid lawyer.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Wait, you actually were?

• 1:06:55Mel Robbins?

  I was a public defender in New York City.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  You feel, you have like, I'm going to get you out of jail energy, in a good way. Yeah. The same exact day. Sorry, I'm unbuttoning my pants. I have to pee.

• 1:07:05Mel Robbins?

  Whatever you want. We've got like 10, 15 minutes.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I should pee then.

• 1:07:09Mel Robbins?

  Okay, great.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  I'm going to pee. I'll be right back. Is that okay?

• 1:07:11Mel Robbins?

  Oh, okay. You can do whatever you want to do.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  How are we doing?

• 1:07:15Mel Robbins?

  How are you doing?

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  How are we doing?

• 1:07:16Mel Robbins?

  How do you think you're doing?

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  I, I said we.

• 1:07:18Mel Robbins?

  We?

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. Is there anyone who has a Diet Coke or anything?

• 1:07:22Mel Robbins?

  Of course.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Okay, just, just anything.

• 1:07:23Mel Robbins?

  On ice or in a can?

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  No, just can't, just, I'm going to take two sips.

• 1:07:26Mel Robbins?

  See, I cannot raw dog a Diet Coke.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  I'm going to take two sips. I don't drink soda, so I'm going to take two sips. And I don't drink caffeine either. So like those two, three sips are going to make me go insane.

• 1:07:34Mel Robbins?

  Okay, great. We will get you a can, although I don't know if it's cold.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  It doesn't matter. It can be warm, it doesn't matter.

• 1:07:38Mel Robbins?

  I'm not getting you a warm Diet Coke because then you will be belching on the show.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  Okay, I hope I belch.

• 1:07:43Mel Robbins?

  Okay, get him a warm Diet Coke. There were so many fucking bloopers in this episode.

• 1:07:50Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

• 1:08:33Mel Robbins?

  Am I the only one who feels like choosing the right product sometimes is just so complicated? Have you ever tried to read the label for something and it looks like a science experiment rather than something you'd want to use? Thanks, I think I'll pass. I mean, you and I want to use products that do what they're supposed to do, but you also want to feel good about the products that you buy. And that includes the ingredients that are in them. So when it comes to laundry, the choice is clear. All Free Clear detergent. All Free Clear tackles stains and odors. It not only gets the cleaning job done, it's also 100% free from dyes, perfumes, parabens, and irritating residues. All Free Clear provides a powerful clean while being gentle on your skin with only

• 1:09:16Mel Robbins?

  essential ingredients and zero dyes and perfumes. Check out the label and see for yourself. It lists all the ingredients and what they do. And All Free Clear is the number one detergent brand recommended by dermatologists for sensitive skin. When it comes to laundry detergent, the choice is clear. All Free Clear. Pick up a bottle for your next laundry day. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. Let me ask you something. Is your money working for you? Or is it just sitting there? A lot of us work hard, get paid, and then leave our paycheck in checking. That's an easy habit to change. With SoFi Checking and Savings, you can earn up to 3.8% savings APY for up to six months

• 1:10:01Mel Robbins?

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