217: Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope is a classic, we enjoy some cheap wine and hot toddies with him while we discuss comedy, great stories. Join us for this 2 hour episode. Did you know Doug did comedy in Ukraine? Neither did we, go watch his specials on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@stanhopetv Support the show and sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period of Shopify at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Support the show and download the PrizePicks app today. Use code SPOT to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup at https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRUNKS Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Catch Doug On The Road: https://www.dougstanhope.com/ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Dude, I love that you rock the suits and everything.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, are we on?

• 0:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're on, dude.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, we are on. Oh shit, I didn't even know that.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  I hate when you waste good shit.

• 0:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  And you go, alright, we're gonna start. Fuck.

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  And that's why we just do it this way.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  I usually start and go, okay, fuck, let's walk in the room. Tell me all the shit that we can't say on the air.

• 0:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, let's hear it.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  So and so special sucks.

• 0:34Sam Morril?

  Let's shit talk a few people. That's the podcast, though. That's the one you wanna hear.

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Nikki Glaser, overrated. No.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Oh, did you guys write for that?

• 0:43Sam Morril?

  No, no, but she killed it. That was awesome.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Did you write for a roast or something?

• 0:47Sam Morril?

  No, we did a roast on Netflix.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Did a roast, okay.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  Shows you how well that did.

• 0:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  No, I remember you were talking about it and I couldn't tell if you were talking about writing for Nikki or for a roast.

• 0:59Sam Morril?

  No, she was awesome, man.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  She did have about 78 writers. You see that photo?

• 1:03Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of writers, but she killed it, so it worked out.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  And that's the only time I've ever been tempted to watch a fucking award show.

• 1:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  They're just so self-congratulatory. Just that they exist bothers me.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  I remember they got an award.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  But she was so fucking good on that Tom Brady thing.

• 1:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, she's...

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  I think she got her boobs done.

• 1:27Mark Normand?

  Call in, if you know.

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  But, yeah.

• 1:31Sam Morril?

  I love that a woman finally crushes an award show and we're like, "Look at those tits."

• 1:35Speaker 01

  Well, first of all, who else has their tits out in that photograph?

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Her and Mike Lauren.

• 1:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:43Mark Normand?

  But, yeah, no, she did great. And how the hell are... What are you doing in the city?

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Do you know Pat McAfee?

• 1:49Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  He used to always wear, like, fucking tank tops. And he's like, "Who wants to see her arms?" I feel the same way about women, like, anchor women, that wear, like...

• 1:59Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Sleeveless fucking... Put some fucking... Cover up your arms.

• 2:03Sam Morril?

  The sleeveless shirt on Dude is aggressive as fuck.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  I don't like it on the Dude.

• 2:06Sam Morril?

  It's not my favorite.

• 2:07Mark Normand?

  You see the armpit hair and that weird floppy skin right there? It's not great.

• 2:12Sam Morril?

  First mark, you wanna grab it?

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Oh, shit. Oh, I... Yeah.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Cheap shit.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  That's the cheap shit, but I traveled with it, which means I had to check a bag. But I bought these sleeves that you get at duty free.

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  Are you not doing it?

• 2:27Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go hot toddy.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  Alright, fuck it, I'm going, I'll have a sip of this, but yeah, I wanna, can we do a hot toddy for me?

• 2:31Speaker 01

  But keep going.

• 2:32Sam Morril?

  You want a hot toddy as well?

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Uh, yes.

• 2:34Sam Morril?

  So let's do three hot toddies.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Dude, I remember the first, uh, uh, episode of this show I watched, I forget who the guest was, but all three of you are drinking fucking La Croix. Oh, yeah. Really? Did they go sober, dude? Drunk is in the title, but it just took you a minute. Yeah, we got there.

• 2:54Sam Morril?

  It's called We Might Be Drunk.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Oh, alright.

• 2:57Sam Morril?

  We might be.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  And, you know.

• 2:59Sam Morril?

  Some we shoot at like ten and thirty in the morning. And some of them, sometimes the guest's sober, so we feel weird getting hammered.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've skipped a few of those.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Like, there's, uh, there's sober people that don't remind you that you're a drunk. Right. That are great, like fucking Tell or Norton, I fucking love Norton. Love Norton. Uh, but, uh, there's others where you go, that guy's such a not drinker. Yes. I don't wanna sit through.

• 3:25Sam Morril?

  Are there legendary drinking stories of you that, I've been to clubs and they're like Doug Stanhope fucking, he did some shit here, and I'm like, I gotta, like Appleton is one I heard, Appleton, Wisconsin.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Oh, jeez, those, those stories go way back.

• 3:36Sam Morril?

  Well, I heard one that fucking killed me, and I don't know if it's true, but the story was, uh, you were hammered on stage, you're still killing, but you're hammered, and, uh...

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Turn off your phones before you go on a podcast. I didn't know we were gonna be going right now.

• 3:50Sam Morril?

  But some woman complained that you were drunk, and you just walked over, you overheard her, and you were like, they made us, the club made us.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  No, no, I wrote it, it's actually, it's actually in one of my books. Uh, I, I, he forwarded me the email, the Cliff, the manager at the time.

• 4:04Sam Morril?

  Fucking...

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Is that the Asian thing?

• 4:08Speaker 01

  And you know what it's called? Uh, the, the ringtone, it's called, uh, Comic. Oh, weird. Comic whatever, uh, there we go. Comic Sans. Yes.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  Alright, so what happened in Appleton?

• 4:20Speaker 01

  So, uh, so, yeah, she wrote this scathing thing. We had done a benefit show for a friend of ours who is graphically obese and to pay for his stomach stapling or whatever, lap band.

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  It was me and Sean Rouse and Andy Andrist and, uh... Sean Rouse, R.I.P. Funny dude.

• 4:38Mark Normand?

  So funny.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god, so good. Uh, so, yeah, she said, "I went to that show and you think this, we... They were making fun of the tsunami and 9/11 and none of this is appropriate and I wrote..." So he forwarded me, so I had her email and I wrote her a long email. "I'm so glad you have our back on this. I guess what you don't understand is when we play clubs, the management provides us with a script." "We have to follow that." And we voiced our concerns to management as well. "'Cause we are the ones that have to take the fall for this at the end of the day." It's a very long, just very professional written email. And she's like, "Oh my god, I can't believe this is true."

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  That's great, she bought it.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  I brought you, oh, would you grab a, uh, in my backpack, there's a book in the main compartment. I just brought to set on this stack.

• 5:35Mark Normand?

  Put it on.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  What do we got? Oh, put it on top of fucking Natasha Leggero.

• 5:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  She hates me so badly.

• 5:42Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 5:43Speaker 01

  I don't, I, I, I went to a party, which I never do. I went to Sarah Silverman's legendary annual party and I, like, I met her tw- I knew like two things about her and met her once. And I just brought things up that evidently, you know, I didn't know that was a fucking rough thing, like... And, and she ran into Brendan Walsh, who I'm good friends with, the next day and just talked shit about me.

• 6:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  That fucking asshole, that stupid guy with the fucking suit, he was a drunken asshole, like, I just talked... This is Appleton all over again.

• 6:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  And, and then, so this year I was gonna go back to it, I ended up not going, but, uh, she ran into Brendan Walsh and said, "I hope that fucking asshole isn't gonna be there again."

• 6:27Mark Normand?

  Geez, I've never heard that side of her. Wow. What'd you make fun of her for dating Bobby Lee?

• 6:32Speaker 01

  No, I didn't know that. I would, I could've brought that up. I like.

• 6:38Sam Morril?

  A clip just came up on my feed and it was her at some roast, but she goes, uh, she had a line that killed me where she goes, "Man, the room is buzzing tonight." And that's not just the flies from Aziz's relatives.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Wow, that's great.

• 6:54Sam Morril?

  He's there, he's laughing. I'm like, "That's a great fucking roast joke."

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did. I did not dislike her at all. The one story I had, we had to do a photo shoot for, I don't know, GQ or fucking one of those maximum was comedy issue and they had featured like 20 comics. And we had to do a photo shoot, which I loathe. I can't stand my, just having cameras.

• 7:15Sam Morril?

  Old rubber chicken.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. And I'm like, "All right, let's just any, yeah, get it over with. I only have one look. I'm not an action guy. I don't have poses. Just take the pictures." But it's five of us. Uh, so, and she's like, "Let's do one, it's in the comedy store. Let's do one over in the cloakroom. Let's do one in the," and she just kept belaboring this, not knowing how much I hate it. And I, that was the story that I told her. So evidently. Well, just how much, I guess I was focused on how much I hate. Yeah. A photo shoot and she took it as personal. I see. You love a photo shoot, you fucking. Cause she's really cool and nice and funny. That's shocking. That she seems like she'd be right up your anal. Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Bummer. Oops.

• 8:05Sam Morril?

  When Natasha come in, we got her right here.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  My point about the, uh, that, uh, duty free wrapper for this shitty bottle of wine is I brought that because I gotta get a bottle of Bodega Cat to take home. Hell yeah. Put on my podcast and have it sitting on the camera.

• 8:25Sam Morril?

  It'd be an honor.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  It'd be an honor. Thanks.

• 8:27Sam Morril?

  I heard a story about you, uh, Nick Swartson told me that you went, I don't know if this during COVID, but you were like this close to reaching your miles on Delta or something and you just flew around the world.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  The crazy flights, yeah. I did those even after I didn't really need the miles. I fucking love flying.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  It is nice. Two, I did the same route twice was Tucson, this is where I fly out of, to Atlanta, without leaving an airport, Tucson, Atlanta, Johannesburg. Whoa. To Amsterdam, back to Detroit, Las Vegas, Salt Lake. Holy shit. Seventy-seven hours total, fifty-seven in the air. You're like a terrorist. This is crazy. Wow. The second time I did it, I go, alright, that's it. Yeah.

• 9:19Sam Morril?

  Did you go solo or with your wife?

• 9:21Speaker 01

  No, no, and I went coach. Wow.

• 9:26Sam Morril?

  Were you just hammered the whole time?

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, Xanax and I like very little memory of the entire thing, other than back then, you could, all of those airports, you could smoke in still, still smoking in Atlanta, still smoking, there was smoking lounge in Johannesburg. Yep. Amsterdam and Vegas.

• 9:47Sam Morril?

  And this was to reach a certain miles?

• 9:49Speaker 01

  To hit diamond status. That's amazing. What'd that cost you? It was only twenty-two hundred bucks. What, for all that? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah.

• 9:58Sam Morril?

  Damn, I wish it was like a hack and you could just kind of, I guess with passports.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  Well, they don't even do miles anymore. Now it's all dollars. Now you just have to spend the money. Now you have to look for the shortest flight that costs the most. Mmm. But I'm, yeah.

• 10:11Sam Morril?

  That's amazing.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  I've dialed in now. Man, that's like what DeSantis did to the migrants. Like, you gotta go here, you gotta go there. But you did it on your own volition. That's hilarious.

• 10:22Sam Morril?

  Migrants don't get points either.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  That's true. Yeah, if migrants got miles, they'd be, they'd be living high.

• 10:27Sam Morril?

  Is there status for migrants? They're like, I'm diamond, I get to board the bus first, you know?

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, they're not spending money, so it's. Yeah. You don't get the, you don't get the perks. Are you guys like loyal to anyone?

• 10:40Sam Morril?

  I, I, no, at this point I'm not, but like, Delta is the one I, if I choose, because, you know, I just, I can fly with them the most, so I try to hit the number with Delta.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  I did the road somewhere. I'm pretty high on all of them, but Delta, I'm diamond. Can I, yeah, I just, can I undress? Please. Just ran in and we're on. And I'm gonna do this.

• 11:01Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  You don't have the fucking Joe DeRosa's seat. I understand why he wants to like, alright, it's awkward to talk to.

• 11:07Mark Normand?

  If you want a seat over there, we can get you one.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  The early Rogan podcast, where he did it at his house and it's just a couch and one camera. And you're like trying to talk to each other like this.

• 11:17Mark Normand?

  I listened to a few of those once I was bored on a flight. And I was like, let me go as far back on these Rogans as I can. And it was one with Bill Burr. It's gotta be, they're talking to like little handheld things like this. And they're on a couch, they must've said [BLEEP] 7,000 times. Cause it was like 2004 or whatever. It was like 2001. So it was a different time. It was crazy to hear and it was a great effort.

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  Cheers.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  I've never had a hot toddy.

• 11:40Mark Normand?

  What?

• 11:41Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  Good winter drink.

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  The Hyman.

• 11:44Sam Morril?

  Well, you're living in Arizona. You don't need a hot toddy. New York winters, man. It's like seven, it's like, it says feels like seven out there.

• 11:50Mark Normand?

  I know, it's 23.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  It's uh.

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  The opposite of a pedophile. Feels like seven.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like Gloria Gaynor trying to get her voice ready. To do a show at the state fair. Now that she's 79.

• 12:05Mark Normand?

  Is she gonna well survive?

• 12:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:07Sam Morril?

  This is a whiskey drink. I feel like a lady now drinking this. It's like a cool drink. I'm like, ah shit.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  It's cinnamon sticks and a lemon in it.

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  Well, I don't know how I order it.

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  You know, even like an old fashioned, sounds cool in Mad Men era, but it's, it's got a muddled orange in it.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Your gal will take a sip and go, that's nice. I'll have one of those.

• 12:28Sam Morril?

  What's your go-to drink?

• 12:29Speaker 01

  My go-to is vodka soda splash of grapefruit or cran.

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 12:35Sam Morril?

  That's a good drink.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Fresh squeezed grapefruit.

• 12:38Mark Normand?

  Bam!

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Can't beat that. But I try to change up, especially if I'm drinking out. I want something I can't make at home.

• 12:46Mark Normand?

  Right. Oh, good point.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  I can't even make a Bloody Mary. I'm like, I'm.

• 12:50Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Well, not a good one.

• 12:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  I'll drink V8 and vodka. It feels, feels healthy.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  And it is, I mean.

• 12:59Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 12:59Sam Morril?

  It's healthy if you have one, then you have, you have like four, you're like, alcohol's not even the problem. You have this much sodium in a fucking beer?

• 13:05Speaker 01

  You know, I've heard you guys say that. It's not that bad. The sodium level is not really that, as bad as you think.

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  I remember drinking tomato juice as a kid where my dad would put salt in it.

• 13:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Salt and a little bit of lemon.

• 13:19Mark Normand?

  My dad did tomato juice in the big tin can, then he hit it with the two holes on the top and the bottom, remember that?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 13:25Mark Normand?

  That's how he would pour it.

• 13:26Sam Morril?

  How about Clamato? That's kinda good too, right?

• 13:28Mark Normand?

  Clamato's pretty damn good.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  The Chalatas.

• 13:30Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  Yes. But if you make a Bloody Mary at home, you're kind of a psycho. That means you have Bloody Mary, vodka, a celery stick.

• 13:38Sam Morril?

  Worcester Shire.

• 13:39Mark Normand?

  Worcester.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Yes, remember, remember you guys are fucking showing a guy Fieri. Don't pronounce it like he does.

• 13:48Mark Normand?

  Yeti.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  But you're, you're drinking the Bloody Marys that, with the fucking lobster in it. Do you remember that?

• 13:53Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. Good times.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, I, I'm not putting bacon in shit.

• 13:58Mark Normand?

  Exactly, those little onions.

• 14:00Sam Morril?

  But if you're in like Madison and they have all those bars and they bring you one, they will do crazy shit.

• 14:04Mark Normand?

  Bring it on.

• 14:05Sam Morril?

  I'm not gonna turn it back. It's kinda fun, you know?

• 14:06Mark Normand?

  It's a meal.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  There was a bar in Madison that used to do porn and eggs on Sunday morning.

• 14:11Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Where they'd show like old seventies porn on the TV, the, kinda with plot.

• 14:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  More plot than fucking, and they'd have that and a breakfast buffet with giant Bloody Marys.

• 14:24Mark Normand?

  Heaven on earth.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  I never made it, cause we were just, gets so fucked up on Saturday night that no one's getting up.

• 14:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  But I've tried to recreate it at my house.

• 14:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Just, I, I've found some, like, like flapper girl fucking thirties porn.

• 14:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  That they've made compilations of, you know, the girls dances, like softcore so you can invite your neighbors. Lot of pasties and an occasional nipple. It's not like, but we did that for about three or four hours till everyone was kinda sauced with mimosas into Baileys and Irish coffee and into Bloody Marys and into sneak in some fucking hardcore tranny porn.

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there we go.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  People have all stopped watching the TV. Oh, there you go.

• 15:10Sam Morril?

  Look at that.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:11Sam Morril?

  Side by side, perfect.

• 15:12Mark Normand?

  In Rhode Island, they have legs and eggs.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  That's why, that's why I have to face this way.

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  There you go. Yeah, Legs and Eggs was a breakfast buffet at the strip club in Rhode Island. I can't remember what it's called. Foxy Ladies, that's what it was called.

• 15:24Sam Morril?

  Rhode I- I think Providence has the most strip clubs per capita.

• 15:27Mark Normand?

  Ah, it's Tampa.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Every fucking town you play, man. Guy that picks you up at the airport tells you, it's got the most churches and strip clubs per capita. If that tells you anything about Houston, Jacksonville, fucking every town.

• 15:40Mark Normand?

  Portland.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  They have so- and, yeah, it's always unverifiable.

• 15:45Sam Morril?

  You're like Bethlehem?

• 15:46Mark Normand?

  There it is, Legs and Eggs.

• 15:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:49Mark Normand?

  Look at that, 7 a.m. Who's making that?

• 15:52Speaker 01

  You couldn't do porn and eggs at a strip club, because everyone's gonna turn away from the stripper.

• 15:57Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 15:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta see a lot.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  It's kinda like you can't do comedy at a strip club.

• 16:02Sam Morril?

  Right, right. All those stories, Atlanta used to do that.

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  We, yeah.

• 16:08Sam Morril?

  You used to do it too?

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  What?

• 16:10Speaker 01

  It was a, uh, Teasers was the name of the place, and they have amateur night. It worked out, because you just emcee uh, for the amateur night. It was just a contest, and it's just professional strippers from other clubs. They come, try to be ringers and win 50 bucks. But you'd go up in between them and you know, fuck with them, but they still didn't even like that 30 seconds of intro. Get to the fucking broad.

• 16:38Mark Normand?

  It's a, who's got a sadder life, comics or strippers, you think, in their early years? It's a toss-up. At least they're making more money.

• 16:45Sam Morril?

  Long, comics got longevity.

• 16:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true.

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  But.

• 16:51Mark Normand?

  But they're making cl-

• 16:51Sam Morril?

  They did a Sopran-

• 16:52Speaker 01

  And, uh, well, at least in, in my early days, there was, uh,

• 16:59Speaker 01

  camaraderie, they, like, you got along, like, it's us against them. Early days of comedy. You started, like, I started in Vegas, which is the worst place to ever fucking start, but you don't know that, except for New Orleans.

• 17:13Mark Normand?

  Orleans is pretty bad.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  Which has never had a, a, a comedy club that's successful.

• 17:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Which, it's the only- Including Green Bay, Appleton, uh, the only, uh, city that had, uh, a professional sports team that couldn't have a, a, a full-time comedy club. Like, there's no other city that has sports that doesn't have comedy other than New Orleans. Yeah, that's a good point. So Miami sucks too, by the way, I would throw that in. Oh, I played there once. Once? You? I got fucking booed offstage almost every night. Like, like people throwing things at me, like, empty cigarette packs. And, uh, I was, I was following Chris Porter. Oh, he's a killer. Twenty-some years ago. Wow. So around 2000, because, uh,

• 18:06Speaker 01

  I was, uh, I was dating a comic, which, oh, fuck, we'll talk.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Judy Gold? No, no, no one famous, and she's quit. Okay, great. Lucky you. But,

• 18:23Speaker 01

  so, so Chris Porter, uh, just had, it was very urban. It was very ethnic Miami. Got it. Probably a baby 70% Cuban, 20% black, and then people who are not gonna have my back. The 10% are mute. Right. Yeah. Uh, and he just had every fucking reference to every fucking hip-hop song, and he just, he was built for that room, and he fucking destroyed. Yeah. And I would get up and like, I was, that was where I was prime. Maybe it might have been after 9/11, because that was when I was really peaking on fucking

• 19:03Speaker 01

  anti-authority, fuck the government, and like, all this shit, they don't wanna fucking hear. Yeah, that doesn't play in my, me. Yeah, they're here to hear fucking Gloria Estefan.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  And it was like I just after the first night I assumed I'm getting fired. And I'm going, hey, it's and they're like, why? Why would you leave? Like, could you just see what the fuck? You're throwing fucking empty packs of cigarettes at me and fucking just like not even like angry heckling like that. Roll your eyes.

• 19:34Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Like dismissive, like, gee, get the fuck out of here.

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  I'd rather the anger than the, you know, just the not caring.

• 19:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:43Sam Morril?

  It's, it's when we were working that roast set out in some of those black rooms, they were like, they were looking at us like we were corny. And I'm like, oh, just tell us we suck.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 19:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the disinterest is worse when they're just turning away and talking to their friend.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, fucking checking their phone.

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  A tell won't, oh, sorry.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Go ahead.

• 20:00Mark Normand?

  A tell won't even do Miami, like, that's how bad Miami is. He's like the funniest guy on the planet. He's like, ah, I'm not going there.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  I wouldn't even like.

• 20:07Sam Morril?

  You're his favorite comic, by the way.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, he says it and I say that about him.

• 20:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah. He loves you. I told him you were coming on today and he was like, Doug will never come through New York City. I bet he's staying in an airport hotel.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  I would if they had a decent one. But yeah, I mean, here it doesn't matter. But on the road, do you like, would you prefer to stay next to the club or next to the airport on a one nighter?

• 20:32Sam Morril?

  It depends.

• 20:33Mark Normand?

  It's a good question.

• 20:33Sam Morril?

  It depends on the city.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:35Sam Morril?

  If there's a cool downtown hotel, it may.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  It also depends on what time you're leaving.

• 20:39Mark Normand?

  Yes, you got on a 7 a.m. flight, get me by the airport. But if it's a fun town where I want to hit the, hit the city a little bit, I'll stay by the club.

• 20:47Sam Morril?

  You were saying about coming up like, you know, having each other's back. Didn't you co-headline with Hedberg?

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, we co-middled.

• 20:54Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 20:56Sam Morril?

  That's an insane show.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Co-headline like when it was like really shitty clubs and basically one nighters. So you wouldn't even, it's hard to call it headline, but yeah, yeah.

• 21:06Sam Morril?

  That's so cool, though, man. That's like such a, that's such an amazing show to see.

• 21:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course. Did people get him immediately or was it a while?

• 21:14Speaker 01

  No, the first time I saw him was at a club called Knuckleheads in the Mall of America in Minneapolis. And, uh. Louis Johnson was the headliner. I was the middle act and Hedberg was opening and Louis had seen him and he goes, man, you gotta watch this guy. This guy is fucking. And, uh, the first night he did pretty good, but the rest of the week, he's just fucking. Cause he has no MC skills.

• 21:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  He doesn't come out and say, are there any birthdays? Like folks.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  He's following.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Y'all ready for this? And there's a laser light show for a club of 350, even though there's 18 people in it. They still have the volume up like it's a sold out Saturday. Come on, you can do better than that. No, they're doing their best.

• 22:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  18 of them and they're not even sat in the same areas. Oh.

• 22:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Knuckleheads does not seem like the proper venue for Mitch Hedberg.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  No, and he was, he was new, but he was still as Hedberg, not quite as polished, but still you saw everything that you're fucking gonna love in the future. So it was great to watch him like morph very quickly and fucking great.

• 22:26Mark Normand?

  I love that. There's some, some nerd put up a bunch of sets from Giggles in Seattle, which is no longer there. But it's like early Bill Burr.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  I think he's dead.

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  I can't remember his name, but I know everybody hated that guy.

• 22:39Sam Morril?

  Giggles?

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was like Bill Burr, Geraldo, Young Tosh, Young U. And it's so cool to see, cause I don't know, it must be like 1999 or something. And everyone is just there for the love of the game. No one's getting clips. No one's filming every show. And it's just trying to kill and getting heckled and getting drunk. And you can tell Geraldo goes up. He's like, I'm so fucking hung over. And the crowd's like, geez, look at this fucking idiot. And like this, no one has any like, oh, these guys are all brilliant. These guys are gonna be famous and rich. It's just loser, broke comics going up for the, for the love of it. And it's a beautiful thing, cause now it's all about marketing and clips and views and all this shit.

• 23:20Mark Normand?

  So this is what you were doing. You were just out there at a mall, getting drunk, trying new zingers.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  That was right before he fucking died. Well, you can look at him.

• 23:31Mark Normand?

  Were you worried?

• 23:32Speaker 01

  That was two weeks before he died because we did, uh, ended up, I got booked with him to open for him at a college show in Maryland. And, uh, which I was like, alright, by now people know I'm not college material.

• 23:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  This does not happen. So I assumed he asked for me. Cause when you, you, you know, you guys both headlined, you stopped seeing each other.

• 23:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  It sucks.

• 23:54Mark Normand?

  That's why we did this.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  So I assumed he had asked me to do it. And then when the, the kid that booked it, who probably got fired immediately for having me on the stage. We're driving back to the hotel and I, I go, I told Mitch, uh, I said, hey, thanks for setting this up because college gigs pay a

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Ton of money. And I needed it back then. And he said, uh, I, I don't know. And the kid driver said, no, you guys are my two favorite comedians.

• 24:22Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  I did this. I'm like, oh, fuck. Alright.

• 24:25Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Went back and we did, we're, uh, did, that's gotta be the green room. But we went back and we're doing 2005.

• 24:32Mark Normand?

  Wow. So he had done a few Letterman's at this point?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Oh, he was fucking, killing it now.

• 24:38Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. The, the Terry Taylor, I think is his name.

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  Yes, that was it.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  That's when Hedberg was just starting to peak and he was selling a lot of tickets, but he was not a, a, a negotiator. And that guy from Giggles would like sell all these like VIP things.

• 24:55Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  And overcharge people, like everything that if he ran it past Hedberg, Hedberg would go no fucking way.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  Like you can't overcharge people and, and still pay Hedberg a flat rate.

• 25:06Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  And just bilk off his success.

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's horrible. God damn. Yeah. Hedberg would be on Howard Stern. Like he was really about to be a household name.

• 25:15Sam Morril?

  And his, and his late night sets were just killer. Like the, the beauty was seeing crowds get that, like on Letterman where you're like, oh, wow. He's connecting with this unique, like my mom once heard Hedberg and she was like, this is like brilliant.

• 25:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  She was like, she had to pull the car over. She was laughing so hard.

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 25:31Sam Morril?

  I remember William Stevenson, uh, R I P William, like, you know, hosted The Cellar all the time. And he said the first time he heard, uh, Hedberg, he was just like listening in the hallway laughing and he thought he was black.

• 25:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 25:43Sam Morril?

  He went in, he was like, holy shit, it's a white guy.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  When I first heard Hannibal, I'm like, oh, Hedberg just stole from Blackpink.

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  My mom loves those applause breaks.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  That's like, that's one of my favorite drunk pastimes if I ever get to drink with comics or doing a tell or Hedberg and you just sit around the table and everyone's fucking throwing out their favorite fucking one-liners.

• 26:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  And Hedberg was kind of a household name if you were in a stand-up.

• 26:18Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  You were definitely, back then, before it really kicked off, before social media really kicked off.

• 26:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Back when getting on Letterman would change your life.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:29Sam Morril?

  Did he, I mean, were you seeing, when you were doing a gig like that, did he kill that gig?

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. And he would entertain people who would throw out jokes, like, towards the end of the show.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  And they're like, "Do the thing." And he would, he was, "All right, I'll do the koala bear bit. Man, you guys are very, you guys are very demanding of my time, but I'll do this for you."

• 26:56Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  He really enjoyed doing it. And he enjoyed fucking drugs, too. He loved heroin.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  I've heard.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Comedy.

• 27:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:04Mark Normand?

  He was great at both of them.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  He was very good. He was an enthusiast.

• 27:08Mark Normand?

  I think, I remember Cap City, which I think is, like, a revamped version is back now, I don't know.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:14Mark Normand?

  But, uh, they said-

• 27:15Speaker 01

  What a bad time to-

• 27:16Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  Try to compete in the marketplace in Austin.

• 27:19Mark Normand?

  I know. But they said-

• 27:21Speaker 01

  When you have a fucking barn for a room. Oh, god, I hated that room.

• 27:24Mark Normand?

  It was a big room.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Some of the best times, but just the height of the ceiling.

• 27:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 27:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  It was a warehouse, and it was right by the bingo hall, right by the overpass, that was, like, outside of Austin, you know? But, uh, I remember going there and they were like, "Every comic gets two drinks." And I was like, "What? Two drinks?" And they were like, "Well, Doug." So apparently you fucked that up.

• 27:44Sam Morril?

  There was a, every club had, like, side splitters, I was like, "Two drinks?" They'd be like, "Vic Henley." I'm like, "Oh, there's always someone."

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  There's always someone drinking too much.

• 27:52Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, the trash, the condo guy.

• 27:56Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 27:56Speaker 01

  I went on, I did Bill Burr's podcast once, which I felt awful doing, because I would listen to Bill Burr on the road back then for a while, until I started getting mannerisms and I go, "I gotta stop listening to this. Ladies!" And I'm like, "Stop. It's in my head." Uh, but I did his podcast, and I apologized up front, because I like, I hate it when you have a guest. I just want to hear you, Bill.

• 28:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  So I apologize to your listeners for being here. Cause they would fucking hate me for being on your show. Uh, but he was telling me that I was like the John Fox guy. Like the guy that fucking sticks his dick in the mayonnaise jar at the condo. I'm like, I'm that guy now? Cause before, it used to be, who was that? Ollie Joe Prater?

• 28:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. I haven't heard that name in years.

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  John Fox was like the party road guy.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I, I worked with John Fox once and made the mistake of confusing an Ollie Joe Prater legendary story as him. And he's like, that's not me.

• 29:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  John Fox was the most absolute fuck up. Just awful, like repeating his jokes several times in a set cause he's so fucked up.

• 29:09Mark Normand?

  But he was funny.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Ollie Joe had the, the, the one I confused was where his nose started to bleed during the show from too much cocaine.

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  This guy?

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:18Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Pouring down his face, but he doesn't realize and the, the audience is aghast. And at some point, it's all on his shirt. He goes, oh, what? Nobody parties anymore?

• 29:34Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 29:35Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 29:35Mark Normand?

  Wow, this guy looks like right out of Hee Haw.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  You only go around once in life, so I'm going around drunk.

• 29:46Mark Normand?

  Little Ron White in there.

• 29:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:48Mark Normand?

  Now wait, pull up John Fox, just, just to get a look at this guy, cause this guy was the psycho party comedian. The women, the boofers.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Party is the wrong word.

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  Um, but he's funny as hell. Uh, look at this guy.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  He did the same act for forty years or something?

• 30:09Mark Normand?

  Well, the act was in the way.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Archibald, Barisol.

• 30:11Sam Morril?

  What's impressive about you Doug is that you like, you did this shit, but you kept churning out new hours.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  Yes, you're functioning.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, no, I'm not like that. I'm like, not really a drug guy. I mean, I've had my drug moments. Here's the problem is, a lot of your best stories come from nights on drugs. So when you have too many drug stories in your act, they think that you're fucking boofing trank in the morning.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  No, I learned that from you guys, Frank.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Frank.

• 30:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. Like Jim Jefferies has that great quote, "No great story ever started with, so I had a salad."

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and then I got home, right?

• 30:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah. It's true.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  So, yeah, I, uh, yeah, I'm a fucking go-to-bed-early guy.

• 30:58Mark Normand?

  Well, day drinking'll get ya.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  I love it. It's a good day drink in town. I hate, like, New York City, but especially, like, just the three blocks walking here. I came in with a good attitude. Like, I tried to get out of my comfort zone and stuff. I fucking went to Ukraine. You guys were talking about that, dude. About when you, comfort is so addicting.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  And like, you get a nice house now, and you got the fucking wife, and you really have a kid on the way?

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. I know. Brutal.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  But, yeah, that'll get you uncomfortable at least.

• 31:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Uh, so, uh, I fucking lost my train of thought.

• 31:41Sam Morril?

  No, just like the comfort, how that takes you out of...

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I have to force myself to, like, if I could just go to bed right now, why would I?

• 31:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's hard. And comedy's all at night. It's late and shit, and you wanna go to bed. Well, Nick DiPaolo's got that great quote where he said, uh, his friend was at his house, he pushed a button, a TV came out of the wall, his couch reclined, and he goes, "That's why I'm not funny."

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly.

• 32:04Sam Morril?

  But you gotta also, like, have some fun too, but yeah, I know what you mean. Like, you're so uncomfortable on the road for years that the second you have a nice little thing... But then I do, I agree, I do feel myself slipping now that my life is easier.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  But that's, uh, yeah, the three blocks walking here, I immediately fucking hated everything so much. Like, I came in with a good attitude, I got in late, I was at midnight, I got in the hotel, there was not traffic to worry about, there were no personal space issues, and just walked three blocks, and a fucking cop. I go, "Was 39th this way or that way?" And he's pointing what I thought was the wrong direction when I got, and I'm like, "Well, you're a f-" Oh, oh, no, I'm sorry, I misread the fucking sign, and I'm already yelling at people in my head, uh... And I'm like, oh, great. I could do this whole show with fucking pet peeves.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, bring them on. I got a few as well.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  I think that's actually good, though, is like, you get comfortable here and then you go outside and you get instantly irritated.

• 33:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:01Sam Morril?

  Keeps me thinking of jokes at least.

• 33:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:03Sam Morril?

  Seven degrees and you're fucking angry and people are bumping you and you're like, alright, it's fucking, it's turning again.

• 33:09Mark Normand?

  There's a rat, there's a hobo, there's a syringe. That's why LA comics suck.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  LA's on fire and...

• 33:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, that'll wake them up.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  LA's on fire. You're complaining? It's fucking seven degrees here. Isn't it warm there?

• 33:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, it is crazy.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Air on fire, racing out of the Palisades.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, shit is gone.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  I have not seen any of the footage. I just heard about this.

• 33:30Sam Morril?

  Fucking insane.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  Fucking Annie Letterman who said to say hi and I go, I'll wait till we're on the air.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Annie Letterman called, uh, she left a message at like one in the morning and I'm like, uh, maybe, she's like, help, save us, we're on fire.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Maybe she wants to come stay in fucking, stay in Arizona, cause she...

• 33:51Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 33:55Mark Normand?

  Good lord.

• 33:59Sam Morril?

  This is way too calm a voice for what's happening.

• 34:01Mark Normand?

  This poor dog, get him out of there. Holy moly.

• 34:08Mark Normand?

  Ah, this is what gays see when they die.

• 34:19Mark Normand?

  Party's over, homos.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Spin it, my fucking hot tawny.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  See if it's still hot.

• 34:28Sam Morril?

  Well, I have a friend from LA who said like, New York's unsafe. They, a guy got lit on fire there on the subway. I'm like, that's your whole fucking city right now.

• 34:35Mark Normand?

  That's a great point. That's a great point.

• 34:37Sam Morril?

  Like, LA is natural. You, you buy a home in LA, there's like nine different types of insurance you have to buy.

• 34:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 34:44Sam Morril?

  There's like flooding, uh...

• 34:46Mark Normand?

  Mudslide.

• 34:47Sam Morril?

  Mudslide, fire. It's a lot of fucking insurance.

• 34:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, at least the, the city is trying to kill us. That's God trying to kill us, you know?

• 34:57Sam Morril?

  I'm glad this one's not coming out for a couple of weeks, though. Hopefully, hopefully, things work out.

• 35:01Mark Normand?

  Give it some time.

• 35:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:03Mark Normand?

  But it's a dark time.

• 35:04Sam Morril?

  It's fucking bad. It's real bad out there.

• 35:05Mark Normand?

  I know. It feels like the world is ending, like the lady getting lit on fire, the shootings, the, the run over in New Orleans, this shit. It's just a lot of stuff.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Support the troops.

• 35:16Sam Morril?

  Dude, you have one of my favorite lines ever in a thing where you say, when I do comedy, it's like I'm taking you into battle. You're not all gonna be here at the end. That's one of my favorite lines in a comedy, whatever. I don't know if that's on, on Deadbeat Hero.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Deadbeat Hero.

• 35:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, fucking great.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it's fucking 20 years ago. That, but that was the, uh, where I do, I, uh, support the troops on an individual basis was the premise of a bit.

• 35:40Mark Normand?

  Great.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  That I, like, I wish I knew how to do clips where I could just cut that bit out of that special and, and hashtag it with New Orleans and, uh, whatever the other.

• 35:52Sam Morril?

  Someone listening, message dog and do his fucking.

• 35:54Mark Normand?

  You could, you could get a clip that.

• 35:56Sam Morril?

  Get a clip.

• 35:56Mark Normand?

  Intern and NYU will do that for 10 minutes.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  It's, I, I get to a place where I go, I just was writing notes this morning and I'm, I'm going, I think I already did this as a bit, but now it's like, uh, whatever story.

• 36:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Where I'm going, I, I, I, this should be funny. And I'm like, I already did that about something similar. Uh, anyway.

• 36:18Mark Normand?

  But.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Where I, I find myself stealing from myself.

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 36:22Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, once you've read a few hours, you're just like, how much shit is in here?

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 36:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I mean, I totally get that. I, I, uh, I think the first time I talked to you was when, uh, Shane was staying with you during COVID.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 36:32Sam Morril?

  But how did that happen? That was, I mean, that cracked me up that Shane just like fucking fled to Bisbee.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  We were drunk, was that when we were drunk dialing the most famous people on our phone?

• 36:40Sam Morril?

  That definitely wasn't me.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Oh, no, he pulled out a bunch that you go, I don't know if that counts.

• 36:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 36:47Sam Morril?

  Who was, who was he dialing?

• 36:48Speaker 01

  Was the first time I met you was the airport thing, right?

• 36:51Sam Morril?

  No, I think we, we did Jim and Sam like way back in the day once, but yeah, you picked me up at the airport once. You held up us, they had.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  I went out to smoke. I think it was St. Louis.

• 36:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  And, uh, I was in the Sky Club, so I, I just went out to have a cigarette and, uh, I have to go outside and there's the guy standing there with the Sam Morril sign.

• 37:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the car guy.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  If he's still here when I come back from this cigarette and I gave him a 20 to fucking let That's great. Let me hold this sign.

• 37:16Sam Morril?

  It was an amazing, yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 37:18Sam Morril?

  Peter and I got off and we're like, this is the best surprise ever.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  That's incredible.

• 37:21Sam Morril?

  I needed a boost going into St. Louis as well.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Wow. That's so cool.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  No, that made me, that made my day. That was awesome, man.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  And I was suited up too because I was just, I've always fly suited up and I'm just coming for a gig.

• 37:33Sam Morril?

  I think it's cool, man. You're like one of the last like suit drinkers.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  You know what? There's, there's, there's manipulation of foot in it too because I was wearing fucking Delta, vintage Delta pin and I have a fucking bag of fucking vintage Delta gadgets and you will not get shut off drinking on a plane. Oh. If you've given them a 1973 vintage Delta fucking this and that and. Yeah. Oh, that's so nice. I love your pin and. Thank you. Could I get a double? You could probably grab a stewardess's ass at this point. I mean, you're all in. The suit, the pin? Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, probably not if you use the word stewardess. Oh, sorry. That's where I lost you.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Did you ever notice for a drinkers podcast that this is kind of like, uh, it's like a sneeze guard? Oh shit, you're right. Get him a straw. Give me a crazy straw. Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Oh, oh. Hurricane with a crazy straw. You said you can make anything, right? Yeah, we can whip that up.

• 38:38Sam Morril?

  We might be able to whip up a hurricane?

• 38:39Speaker 01

  I have no idea what's in a hurricane other than diabetes. It's shit. I feel like I'm sounding like a tell no. Fucking came in here so jacked. I woke up and I saw my face after, like, that's almost 12 hours of drinking for me to get here because I am two hours from the airport, so I fucking leave early. Uh, and then I get for a one o'clock flight, I'm there at 11:30, so I start drinking at the bar. The only bar I'm a regular at is the Tucson airport. Like, Sal, what are you doing? Where you going now? How was, how was that thing that you did? And then, uh, you know, in first class, if you get bumped up, or I usually buy first,

• 39:22Speaker 01

  but if I'm not making money where I'm going, I go, I should probably just, you know, roll the dice. What's the point of chasing diamond status if you don't have the reward of getting bumped up? Good point. So I did get bumped up on the first flight. Woo! Uh, two drinks at the airport bar, and then I get, you know, your pre-flight drink, which I get fucking livid if they don't serve that. That's crazy. That's the whole point of first class. Yes. Is getting a drink before those other fucking simple motherfuckers. Yes! What did you say? I said, "The great peeve." Oh, peeve, yes. Alright, I thought you said pee, cause this...

• 40:00Speaker 01

  I try to hydrate. Ah, get this guy a catheter. This is... Well, what I did is I, I, I call them torpedoes, that size of water. If I could drink one of those in a day, it's almost half a gallon, it's fifty something ounces. Okay. And that's what they recommend, at least a half gallon a day. So I chug this fucking thing before airport security that I've driven with, but ignored. And now I'm gonna, I, I forgot, I got bumped up, but I'm in a window seat. Ah. And I go, "I'm gonna have to piss this whole flight." And I sit there and I'm, I get my, my drink. He pisses me. He pisses like a old lady. I piss like a motherfucker. But at least you get an aisle. Yeah. Yeah. You think ahead. I try. So this lady sits down, she has a hard hat connected to her backpack. Oh, boy.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Uh, and so, a, a woman of a certain age, and then she gets to her, like me, she keeps her Delta fucking earpieces, so she plugs in her earpieces for the in-flight entertainment, pulls out her tray, and opens up a laptop, and it's just... Ah! And then they come to say, "What would you like, the vegetarian option, or the chicken Cuban sandwich?" And I'm like, and then she orders tea, hot tea, and I'm like, "I already have to piss." Yeah. So before the tea comes, I'm like, "Lady, I'm sorry, but I, I, let me get this done before I, I'm gonna knock over..." I have this fucking overcoat on, it's like, uh, slank it.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  I'm gonna knock everything off when you, uh, and so... So it's okay. And I just squeezed every ounce of piss out.

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Sorry, I just did Rogan special.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  I was so claustrophobic just being in a window.

• 41:49Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Knowing that I'm gonna have to piss again. I didn't. But I wanted to the whole time.

• 41:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude. The constant peen. If someone's in the, you know, window and they have to go, I'm like, I get, I totally support it.

• 42:06Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 42:06Sam Morril?

  You gotta piss.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  But I also don't have projects I'm doing.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you're gonna have the whole, you're gonna fucking build a fucking thing.

• 42:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Another great line. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun gif. Another great line that blew my mind when I was a young comic. I was watching your Comedy Central half hour. I think it was, is that a premium blend back then?

• 42:29Sam Morril?

  No, it was a half hour.

• 42:30Mark Normand?

  It was a half hour, okay.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  I did both.

• 42:32Mark Normand?

  Okay. Well, maybe it was, it was one of them. It was on Comedy Central and you come out and you go, I got some fans here tonight. And the crowd goes, woo! And you go, then what's my name? Silent.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Oh, then cut that out.

• 42:43Mark Normand?

  What?

• 42:43Speaker 01

  You must have just heard that story.

• 42:45Mark Normand?

  I feel like I saw that.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  I've done, I might have been on one of my CDs. That's how fucking long I've been around. I have three CDs. Which I love every time you fucking belch.

• 42:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Or fart. The farting thing.

• 43:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, tell that to David.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Peeve, Peeve is fucking eating on mic.

• 43:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  You.

• 43:07Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Yes. But the farting and belching, I love. You showed the fucking Nate Bargatze's reaction to you farting. That's a fucking, that was a Hedberg Peeve. One time at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, we were co-headlining and we would just get hammered. And the late show would get fucking, we just, if you remember, you could just walk back into the green room from the stage.

• 43:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  So we'd walk back and talk to each other in the green room. And then whoever's on stage, you go back out or we'd go. Back out together.

• 43:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  We'd do bumps, like, on the mic, but in the back, in the green room.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  With the mic. At one time, I took the mic and I farted in it and Bargatze had no, nothing on how much fucking Hedberg bummed out on.

• 43:56Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:57Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 43:58Speaker 01

  That is so inconsiderate.

• 44:01Mark Normand?

  Well, I wouldn't do it during someone's act. That's great.

• 44:03Sam Morril?

  Well, because he has to talk into the mic.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  We were fucking around in the green room on the mic during a live show.

• 44:07Mark Normand?

  I see, I see.

• 44:09Sam Morril?

  That's worse than what, that's worse than what you did to Nate.

• 44:11Mark Normand?

  There it is.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  He did not.

• 44:13Mark Normand?

  This is genuine hatred.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Hold on.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Let me just say this.

• 44:20Mark Normand?

  This is the most, the richest comic in America, right now.

• 44:26Sam Morril?

  And I just walked back in. I missed it.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  No, no, you're good.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, the discomfort continued.

• 44:32Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  For my love.

• 44:33Mark Normand?

  It's so awkward in there.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  He doesn't move past it.

• 44:35Mark Normand?

  No, he hated it.

• 44:37Sam Morril?

  I love that I missed all that.

• 44:39Mark Normand?

  Clean.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, my early CDs, like, I would, because I was a beer drinker, so I would belch, like, just raucously.

• 44:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  And I'd just say, that's my catchphrase, because, you know, that's, it wasn't, like, every CD, my last special, like, fortuitously, I had a belch where I didn't really have a segue. And I went, just, "I'd rather be treated by a veteran, brrrr!" And then I'm like, "Oh, that gives me a fucking easy." Like, I love myself. I hate myself most of the time.

• 45:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  But one little thing like that can rope me back in. I love it.

• 45:16Sam Morril?

  I remember, dude, I remember your album, Someone to Take the Edge Off, that Bobby Barnett close is one of my favorite bits.

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:24Sam Morril?

  Just the passion you tell this hookup story with, and like, just like, the di, like, the lines in it, you have lines that I, like, I think about, like, that's like just great writing, where you say, you know, you're trying to hook up with this beaut, she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, and, you know, "She hated long hair. I was thinking of getting a cut. She hated cigarettes. I was trying to cut back." Like, every, like, I was saying all the right things that line, like, "Oh, that's like out of like a fucking 40s movie."

• 45:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Sam Morril?

  Man.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  You say you hate photo shoots, but these are three iconic photos.

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  Killer.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  But those are taken in the moment, I guess.

• 45:56Sam Morril?

  Well, one's on stage, so he's not.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Hang on.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Great, I mean, it's like Lenny.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Was it, is it Jeselnik? I, I put it together late. But doesn't Jeselnik have an album title where that would be a more fitting?

• 46:09Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 46:09Sam Morril?

  Fire in the maternity ward.

• 46:11Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 46:12Sam Morril?

  Yes, great, great special title.

• 46:14Mark Normand?

  Great title.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  It is, and I.

• 46:16Mark Normand?

  Great cover.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, that cover was, by the way, previous to his title, I had this cover.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  Yes, we got you. There you go.

• 46:27Sam Morril?

  Look at that.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Have you seen his, uh?

• 46:29Mark Normand?

  Fire in the maternity ward's happening in LA right now.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  No, his new one.

• 46:33Mark Normand?

  Sorry, continue.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  I tried to watch yours, but it's on Netflix, and I got rid of Netflix, and I was so proud because I, I took that fucking Tyson fight, and I'm like, you know what? I wanna get rid of Netflix anyway, cuz I'm paying like thirty something dollars a month to get the best package, no ads, or whatever. It's like thirty-one dollars.

• 46:54Mark Normand?

  Get rid of it.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  I go, this like one good thing a month, and I could just go on fucking Reddit and ask a fan for their password to see the one good thing. I haven't done that yet, but I will.

• 47:05Sam Morril?

  But you know what you're, I mean, I think a lot of the, we were shitting on it last time, but like, a lot of the shows now are just dumbed down. Like, I was talking to someone about like how they have to say what the plot is in the first couple minutes.

• 47:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:16Sam Morril?

  If you're folding laundry, like, I guess if like Glenn Powell's in that movie Hitman, he has, in the minute, in the beginning, he has to be like, uh, so I'm a hitman.

• 47:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 47:23Sam Morril?

  Start the movie.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Dumming down a forced backstory.

• 47:29Sam Morril?

  It's a name of the title, you should know.

• 47:31Mark Normand?

  Squid Game is good, but it's Korean, so that helps.

• 47:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:35Mark Normand?

  Does not water down with our bullshit.

• 47:36Sam Morril?

  It's just, you know, it's, it's.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  That's right, Mark Norman.

• 47:43Mark Normand?

  Comedian Mark Norman.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  You're born in New Orleans, your wife's name is May.

• 47:49Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  Have a child on the way.

• 47:51Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Speaking of fucking, knowing, where's Winnie?

• 47:54Mark Normand?

  Hey, man.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  I was gonna bring dog treats for fucking Winnie, and I was late going, getting to the airport, and Big was like, "You're gonna bring treats for Winnie? Can we go to the?"

• 48:04Sam Morril?

  She's in LA right now, cuz, uh, in the fucking fire, I hope she gets out.

• 48:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Was she doing roadwork?

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  Winnie's doing auditions. She's, uh, she's working on her headshot. No, she, uh, they're in LA right now. It's just, uh, yeah. Dude, I fucking love that dog. I miss. Every time that dog leaves, I'm like, it better not be the last time.

• 48:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, right?

• 48:26Speaker 01

  I love all the animals, but...

• 48:31Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  I missed the joke.

• 48:32Mark Normand?

  Okay. That's how I feel about you. Better not be the last time.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Is that, is that like a chuck? What do they call those?

• 48:40Sam Morril?

  I guess it would be called a chug. A chug, like a chihuahua.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  No, no, no. What it lays on. That, like, the pad.

• 48:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, no.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  Like, it's always on a pad. Like, it's like... Is it making puddles?

• 48:54Mark Normand?

  Kind of, yeah.

• 48:55Sam Morril?

  No, it's more just because this is kind of slippery and she's so old.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  All right. Well, you know what chucks are for old people.

• 49:01Mark Normand?

  I didn't know about a chuck. Oh, that's horrible.

• 49:07Mark Normand?

  It took him a second.

• 49:08Sam Morril?

  That's Jezelnik's new special.

• 49:12Mark Normand?

  By the way, you know who hates farting is Louis CK.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  Really?

• 49:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for a guy who likes jerk-off jokes and, uh, jizz.

• 49:18Sam Morril?

  There's a clip of, you've told me this story, and there's a clip of Louis on The Daily Show being like, "If you don't find farts stupid..." And he got so mad at Mark for farting on him one.

• 49:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 49:28Mark Normand?

  I know. I was torn. I was like, uh, hurt as a young comedian. I was like, "You hate farts? You're like my hero."

• 49:36Speaker 01

  The first book I wrote, like, the funniest fucking...

• 49:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, God.

• 49:44Speaker 05

  People, you know, like, people think that that's lowbrow humor. It's stupid humor. I, to me, a fart is funny.

• 49:51Sam Morril?

  You should have played this for him after you did that.

• 49:53Mark Normand?

  I should have, yes.

• 49:55Speaker 05

  Okay, it comes out of your ass.

• 49:59Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 50:00Sam Morril?

  Dude, you, by the way, uh, your episode of Louis is one of the best.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's killer.

• 50:05Sam Morril?

  Incredible. That was a great character, man. That was, I mean, that show Louis, I rewatched a bunch of them lately. It's so fucking good.

• 50:12Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  That led to, uh, absolutely nothing.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  I got not one offer.

• 50:20Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Based on that. I think I-

• 50:24Sam Morril?

  You should talk to Todd Barry about his performance in The Wrestler.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  He's already talking about it.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  He doesn't need a segue.

• 50:32Mark Normand?

  You killed that role. I mean, you could act.

• 50:34Sam Morril?

  Actually, Todd was amazing in that too, but you fucking-

• 50:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, Todd was great.

• 50:37Sam Morril?

  You crushed, uh, you crushed so hard in this, man. It should have led to some stuff.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  He's been nominated for something, though.

• 50:42Mark Normand?

  No.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  No, he actually, he said he submitted that episode for the Emmys and that.

• 50:49Sam Morril?

  I remember- It was such a, it was so good because it's an inside episode about like that real comic, because you mean bar, you know, bars? But it was broad. It was like, it, it just, yeah, and that was one of the best episodes.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  He, uh, and we're not like friends or like, but we're friendly, but it's not like I see him outside of an occasional festival or something. And that was like so, he had no idea how on the fucking nose that was.

• 51:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Like the dialogue, like I'd said a bunch of that shit myself, basically, not word for word, obviously, but like I've talked about all that shit. It was like me if I didn't have money.

• 51:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Uh, if I wasn't successful, that's still, like I, you know, I don't, I don't wanna fuck anymore. I don't care. I have no desires for anything. And it's just, what's the point? The, just the nihilism in the character, I just, I swim in that on a daily basis.

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yeah, he captured that. And I remember you were going to these bar room, like underground open mics that were so sad. And at the time this came out, I was doing all those rooms. And it was like, ah.

• 51:53Sam Morril?

  He was at The Lantern. I was like, I got a spot there that night.

• 51:56Mark Normand?

  Exactly, The Lantern.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  And I was like real open micers.

• 51:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  He just said, okay, just do what you do anyway.

• 52:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:04Sam Morril?

  That show, I, I miss that show. I mean, it was, uh, I mean, I went like five seasons, but fuck, it was so good.

• 52:10Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 52:10Sam Morril?

  The shit he would do, like that three-episode arc in, you know, in the Middle East. It's like-

• 52:15Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 52:15Sam Morril?

  Or the three-episode arc where he's gonna take over for Letterman and David Lynch. I'm like, this is fucking so weird.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 52:22Sam Morril?

  I love that this is on TV.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  He really had a run for a while. He was like changing comedy. He had the Ticket Link thing. He had the, the $5 special. He had this show, which was like the Louis deal, 250K each episode.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  You know, you know what I found, uh, I saw in myself watching Louis ever throughout, uh, is you always know how old he is. If you watch any set, and I go, oh, fuck, I do that, too. You know, I'm 52. I'm 53. You know, you know how, you know, is this the most recent special? He should be 58 by now.

• 52:56Mark Normand?

  Right. Yeah, I never thought about that. It's a good point.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  Well, you're never gonna not be able to see it now.

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  There you go. Well, we gotta talk about No Refunds. To me, I think this is your opus. What do you think?

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I don't, people, uh...

• 53:11Mark Normand?

  It's a tough question.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  It is.

• 53:14Mark Normand?

  I think it's just so good. I feel like it was...

• 53:16Speaker 01

  I've watched it. I've got to a place where I can watch myself from those days. Like, I probably would never wa... In 10 years, I could watch this podcast. But, yeah, that's like a different you. When you're going back almost 20 years, I can watch it. And it's so annoying because I'm smoking and I'm drinking beer. And so I'll have a beer like this as I'm... There you go. I have a fucking cigarette. And I'm almost smoking it and almost drinking it, and I'm heckling myself going, "Drink the fucking beer or put it down." Don't do a punchline and go, "Hey, you don't have fucking another..." You know what I hate? It's just aggravating and...

• 54:00Mark Normand?

  It worked, though. I mean, the bits in this, like, kids should do drugs, not adults. Uh, the Jews chunk was incredible.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  I hate the Jews, yeah.

• 54:10Mark Normand?

  That was an amazing bit.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  I believe that's the title of the...

• 54:15Sam Morril?

  Look, uh, no, was this excess in moderation as well, or was that in the...

• 54:18Speaker 01

  No, that's, uh, that's, I think, the CD. Yeah, something to take the edge off.

• 54:23Sam Morril?

  I love that one, too, though.

• 54:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, and is this one, "Don't Get Fucked Up," on your time? Do it on the company's time?

• 54:29Speaker 01

  That's, uh, Deadbeat Hero.

• 54:31Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay. I've listened to them all.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  That's weird, because usually I'm completely, I don't fucking know, but you just said three in a row that I know.

• 54:39Mark Normand?

  There you go. Well, kids, if you don't, if not super familiar with Doug, watch this fucking hour. It's unbelievable. And you're dripping with the hatred from New York, too, which adds to it.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  It does, uh, again, back to comfort where you don't, when you don't have hate. Like now, I feel kind of abandoned by comics. Where you go, all these comics have like taken sides where it used to be us against them. I hate it. Now somehow they fucking bought in and they like pick, oh, you're either woke or this. I'm like, no, it's us against fucking Boulder, Colorado. Yeah. And it's, even if I hate you as a comic, alright, well, I hate the audience worse. Yeah.

• 55:27Sam Morril?

  We had a great line, something where, where someone went up to you and was like, Dane Cook sucks. And you said, well, I like Dane better than I like you.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  I put that on my website. I go, hey, if I walked into a fucking airport bar and all my biggest fans and Dane Cook are in there, I'm drinking with Dane Cook. No, he doesn't even drink. No. I'd drink with a sober Dane Cook before my biggest fans, cause we have something in common. Yes. It's like the Yankees and Red Sox. Yes. They, they'll fucking hang out after, they're not hanging out with the fucking cheap seats. That's true.

• 55:58Sam Morril?

  Well, you, uh, you also, I mean, Mark and I talk about this all the time, but I mean, a great show, The Green Room and Paul Pervent.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 56:05Sam Morril?

  Our two favorite episodes, we've talked about this to death, are yours and It tells, and also the one with Shanley and and Maren and all those.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, my favorite was, uh, Patrice.

• 56:14Sam Morril?

  Oh, that was a great.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  And, um, Bob Saget.

• 56:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Sandra Bernhard, right?

• 56:18Speaker 01

  And Sandra Bernhard and Roseanne. Roseanne. Fucking Patrice tried to fucking, like, there's, uh, we could talk scariest comedians, but the, Patrice was. Easily. Patrice and Norton, like, I would never want to, like, they could break you down so fucking badly. Yes. You know, at any point. Cut to the bone. Yeah, uh, and that's what we do. That's why I like when people say, oh, Rogan will fuck, he could fuck you up. Well, he wouldn't. No. Rogan was not gonna choke someone out.

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  Right. That'd be a bad episode.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. But fucking Patrice.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Patrice and Jim Norton would eviscerate you verbally and no one could do it at a higher level. And Patrice fucking tried to call Saget out on that episode. Oh, yeah. He's like, "Say something off the top of your head. Don't say the shit you fucking wrote in the back room. Say..." And fucking Saget came with it and he went, "All right." Right. You're like, "Fuck it, Bob Saget."

• 57:18Sam Morril?

  It was, yeah, it was, it was a really cool show. And I mean, I know you had like the moment with Bells or, you know, like, that was weird.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  I bought your book. Because he's talking about comedy. No, he said, "What's merch? What's this merch?" I like, it's like the book of yours, How to Do Stand-Up Comedy, that I bought. Yes. And I had it on the...

• 57:35Sam Morril?

  And Etelle, another dig on him was really funny where he was like the guys they looked up to and he was like, "No, like Alan Havy and like..." And he's like, "No, they were funny." I was like, "Oh, my God. He's just saying this?"

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 57:45Sam Morril?

  I mean, Etelle was, you guys together were great and, uh, yeah, that was one of my... But you had that story in this episode where you said you saw the people, you know, outside a venue and you were like terrified. So you crossed the street and it turned out they were trying to get into you.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  That was the line for my show. Yeah, I'm like, "Oh, this is sketchy. Let's fucking..." Yeah. "Go that way." And I'm like, "Oh, fuck. That's the game." I was in Canada somewhere, Calgary.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 58:13Sam Morril?

  Really? Okay, I take it back.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Is it a fan? He's someone asking to be choked out.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Oh. Wow. Oh.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Oh, he tapped.

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, the alpha sit on the railing there. Like, what are you gonna do? I didn't know you were allowed to tap in a street fight. That's pretty cool. Come on.

• 58:56Mark Normand?

  Cut that.

• 58:58Mark Normand?

  He could have just tapped.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Oh, is Tim Dillon gay? Sorry, I just saw in the...

• 59:04Mark Normand?

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• 59:45Mark Normand?

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• 1:00:29Mark Normand?

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• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. I love that Joe Rogan choking guy out leads you to, is Tim Dillon gay?

• 1:01:08Mark Normand?

  It led me to you. Look at this.

• 1:01:12Mark Normand?

  Joke world.

• 1:01:13Speaker 05

  Hour and eighteen minutes long and was filmed at the comedy mothership.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  Like a superb legendary serial killer. Cold case, decades, you murdered people perfectly, flawlessly, no fucking, you know how to turn off the cellphone so it doesn't ping when you bury it a body, all the basic, the one on ones, and you got away with it for decades to the point where now you're just retired in your seventies, you had that mail order pride you had since fucking ninety-seven, and you were living a quiet, peaceful life, only to be busted by a podcast.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  What'd you shoot that on, a fucking Super 8?

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  That's a, uh, yeah, you have to see it.

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  We filmed it almost two years ago, May of twenty-three.

• 1:02:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  And there's like, there was no, we get the footage, because they built in cameras, and there's only cutaways to, you know, crowd or anything like, so to edit it, so, uh, yeah, I get this Australian producer guy that I'm working with, and I have all these old seventies small TVs, so he got very creative and, and you have to, you have to look at it. It's gonna either annoy the fuck out of you, just know if you're watching it, it doesn't change. I mean, it'll change to a different TV, and there's like photographs of things I'm talking about beside the TVs.

• 1:02:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  And he got really, really creative with shit.

• 1:02:49Mark Normand?

  That is cool, I mean, it might take you out of it, but it's also interesting.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, just get fucking high first.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I saw the opening joke, and it's really funny.

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01Mark Normand?

  The thing about the opener?

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  Like, why do I need an opener? I can just be less funny than me for twenty minutes.

• 1:03:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:03:06Mark Normand?

  That's such a brilliant line.

• 1:03:08Sam Morril?

  Discount meat on YouTube, Doug Stan, watch that right now.

• 1:03:11Mark Normand?

  Check it out.

• 1:03:11Sam Morril?

  Legendary comic, we love him.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  It's, uh, yeah, it's all sorts of free.

• 1:03:16Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  I wanted to ask you about that, cuz we didn't, he tried to, uh, like, he tried to clean it up, so I don't know how any of the monetizing on YouTube works. But he tried to make it monetizable, and he goes, he came upstairs, he lives downstairs from me, down on the next street, and he said, "Do you think," I can't do an Australian accent, "do you think we could, uh, do this without taking out the fucks?" Now I'm crockin' all done. He said it's, he just spent hours trying to clean it up, he goes, "There's over 240 fucks in just the edit."

• 1:03:57Mark Normand?

  Fuck it.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  And that's not even the suicide rape thing, everything, and he goes, and I'm like, "Yeah, I don't fucking care, just, you know, do what's easy and get it out there. Do the Doug Stanhope, Stanhope route to success, and don't care, just get it out."

• 1:04:13Sam Morril?

  That's the move, so, so guys, watch the shit out.

• 1:04:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:04:16Sam Morril?

  Because, yeah, it's hard to, so did they demonetize it cuz of that stuff?

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  I don't know, I was gonna ask you guys, cuz when I watch you, sometimes, if I'm just like, watching clips, you kinda like, clean it up. So do you do like, a clean version to promote the content version?

• 1:04:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you can do a little sizzle with clean material, or if you put it on Instagram, I would do the-

• 1:04:37Sam Morril?

  I don't edit in a special ever.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  No, never in a special.

• 1:04:39Sam Morril?

  No, but like, if it's a clip to, yeah, I have a guy who does it for me, and he's like, "This word, the whole sentence," I'm like, "Whatever, just do, you do it."

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  Well, now I'm doing it. But the unaliving, was it-

• 1:04:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on, what are we doing?

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Promote an unalived hotline?

• 1:04:56Sam Morril?

  I think, I think we just bleeped killed.

• 1:04:58Mark Normand?

  That's hilarious.

• 1:04:58Sam Morril?

  Killed self, I think we just killed, and then self is fine, but yeah, it's so stupid.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  Didn't bury you in the algorithm if you say killed or suicide.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think my algorithm is unlisted. I don't seem to come up in anybody's feed anywhere.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  Did, uh, Meta just say they were not doing censoring anymore? Something came out recently.

• 1:05:17Speaker 04

  Facebook said they're not gonna say.

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  And they're not fact checking.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  What does that mean?

• 1:05:21Sam Morril?

  They can't, I mean-

• 1:05:22Speaker 04

  The community knows, kinda like Twitter.

• 1:05:24Sam Morril?

  Uh- Basically, basically- Zuckerberg made a deal with Trump that Trump is gonna like, you know, you can censor Instagram and, you know, all these other countries like India, which is a huge, huge place for Instagram users.

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Sam Morril?

  And he's like, Trump will have my back, making sure shit doesn't get censored.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:05:44Sam Morril?

  But then he has to kind of scratch Trump's back. It's, that's basically what's happening.

• 1:05:48Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm all for no censor, but who knows where this will lead.

• 1:05:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I hope they fucking, that's, that's my issue with it is like, you don't know what the goalpost is anymore. You're like, well, so you just put out a special, like our buddy Joe List, his shit got demonetized because he said, but it's like, well, you didn't tell me I couldn't say.

• 1:06:05Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Let us know.

• 1:06:06Sam Morril?

  New rule. So, yeah, it's, it's all.

• 1:06:08Mark Normand?

  He said forty minutes in too, and they were like, woo.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I heard that if you, if you keep the beginning of shit clean.

• 1:06:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  Probably overlook. I have no idea.

• 1:06:17Sam Morril?

  I did joke, I had my opening joke in my Amazon special. They were like, do you mind moving that anywhere else? Cause a baby dick suck joke is an opener, might be a problem.

• 1:06:25Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:06:27Sam Morril?

  Have you seen The Boys?

• 1:06:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  The, the latest?

• 1:06:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, I cut it. I'm gonna use it.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. I was gonna say, I just, just watched, I didn't watch it all because I was about to fall asleep and you go, I can't.

• 1:06:39Sam Morril?

  It has that effect on people.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  Comics.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  No. Yeah, I guess that sounded bad.

• 1:06:48Mark Normand?

  Well, you're gonna fall asleep before you put it on.

• 1:06:49Sam Morril?

  He was about to unalive himself while he was watching.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't sit down in an armchair and watch TV. TV is only for, you know, four AM when I wake up and go, it's, it's too cold to go anywhere.

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Or at night, but I, I don't, I, I won't sleep to stand up because you're gonna go, fuck, was this my idea? Or is that something I heard subliminally because I've slept to a, so, yeah, no, it's paused right where I go, okay, I'm gonna watch the rest. And you're on Netflix, which I, so.

• 1:07:17Mark Normand?

  I got a YouTube. Throw on the YouTube.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  I've seen, I've seen.

• 1:07:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  But your newest one is.

• 1:07:22Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:07:25Mark Normand?

  By the way, are you in Sam Tallent's book?

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Is that partly about you? Hmm, he said it's a, an amalgamation, just like the Louis thing, he said, it's a lot of comics. Right, right.

• 1:07:36Sam Morril?

  His book is great.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  It's the best. I feel, my book, my last book came out at the same time and I just spent uh, literally twenty times more promoting his book. Right. Than my own, cause it was so good. And I don't like fiction, but that was truer. Yes. Uh, about stand-up comedy than most stand-up comics books. And there's really a, there's a huge lack of, I would love to read of Ollie Joe Prater, John Fox, et cetera biography about, I always end up, you know, reading like punk rock. I love fucking debauch. Yeah. Artists, stories, junkies. I've never done heroin yet. Tonight's the night. Boof and Trank. Yeah.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  And the heroin.

• 1:08:23Sam Morril?

  Your mom's story though is fucking amazing too, from your album.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 1:08:28Sam Morril?

  That's another one that's like, I mean, you're essentially like seeing your mom through.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  What were you saying about, like, I wish that happened to me, some, something that happened to your friend and he? Hit by a bus. Hit by a bus. Uh, when, uh, cause I always used to say, like, uh, the, the war stories are the best material. If I found out I had cancer, uh, the first thing I'd do, I wouldn't go to an oncologist, I'd rush to a notebook. Fucking, what's your name? Uh, Tig Notaro? Oh, yeah. God damn it, that's what I was talking about.

• 1:09:00Sam Morril?

  I wish I had titty cancer.

• 1:09:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want that to be me. I thrive in tragedy, like, I don't.

• 1:09:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Sam Morril?

  But that is like, that's like a beautiful thing that your brain goes to that. That is like a, that is a great way to. What's that?

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  That was quick. That was great.

• 1:09:24Sam Morril?

  I look like I just heard that too.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:09:26Sam Morril?

  Like, aw, man.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Dude, you look so fucking James Bond suave in that. Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was trying to be fucking, yeah, it's funny, Nate Bargatze was like, wear a fucking suit this time. I was like, alright.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  Meanwhile. It was fucking like, it was very like film noir nineteen forties.

• 1:09:44Sam Morril?

  I know, he was making fun of me, but that's what I was going for. Dude, uh.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, Nate's new special, he's not wearing a suit. You piece of shit, what the hell are you doing to me?

• 1:09:52Sam Morril?

  It's like, no, I want, that was for you.

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:55Mark Normand?

  He's wearing like a zip up jacket.

• 1:09:56Sam Morril?

  Didn't you have?

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  That's why I was pointing out that is Tim Dillon gay? Because I was just thinking that on the drive yesterday, I'm like, I think I'm way gayer than Tim.

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  I can see that. You've blown a guy.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  No, I don't think so.

• 1:10:14Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  Not in a drunken stupor.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  I'm trying to remember.

• 1:10:18Sam Morril?

  That is the best response we've had to that one though.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  But, no, but I-

• 1:10:23Sam Morril?

  No, I'm not quite sure.

• 1:10:25Speaker 01

  I mean, just I surface like, basic things, like you're fucking gorgeous there. Like, I, I love football for the uniforms. And if you have a, like, if Tampa Bay and the Patriots were both playing in throwbacks? Oh my god, I'm the fucking gayest guy? And that's not even like, putting things in my ass, like-

• 1:10:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  I don't even like, I'm not even sexual at this point. And I haven't been for years.

• 1:10:51Sam Morril?

  It's almost gayer to be like, that's aesthetically pleasing to me.

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  Well, no, but I'm like, like, I've, like, sexually, I would have like, gay things that I, I would be into. Uh, I'm not, I never sucked a dick, but, um, yeah, a lady's put a fucking dildo in my mouth more than once or- Things like that, you know? I don't know.

• 1:11:11Sam Morril?

  Your move, Tim.

• 1:11:15Mark Normand?

  No, just waiting for Tim to, I'm waiting for some video of Tim blowing a guy.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  Uh, it's, I, I don't want to make it an ageist thing, but at some point, like, even if I was having sex, I wouldn't talk about it.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  I wouldn't deny that I'm having it, but I remember, I don't want to name names, Bobby Slaton was the first time I noticed it, where you go, "Oh, my wife will fuck me, she will fuck me." Like, you're like a, back then-

• 1:11:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  He was the oldest man in the world. Younger than I am now, but you're like, nobody really wants to picture you fucking your wife-

• 1:11:45Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  At fifty-five, eighty-five years old, whatever you are.

• 1:11:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  There's this certain cutoff where you go, "Ah."

• 1:11:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:55Sam Morril?

  I ran into Bobby in LA, and I don't, I've never met him, but Louis Black told this great story on this pod about going to Epstein's house, and they like, they didn't know who he was, but they just had like, they were drinking at Epstein's house. And I told that story, and, and Bobby was like, "Oh, thanks for telling that story on the pod." I'm like, "Is that good?"

• 1:12:11Mark Normand?

  Ah, it's like incriminating.

• 1:12:13Sam Morril?

  It's a bad fucking-

• 1:12:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  Oh god, I'm gonna fucking find that episode.

• 1:12:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, that was crazy.

• 1:12:20Mark Normand?

  That went viral.

• 1:12:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, he was awesome. Louis Black rules, but uh.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  Wait, you went to fucking, what, not Epstein Island, but.

• 1:12:27Mark Normand?

  Just a house, like a party.

• 1:12:28Sam Morril?

  In Manhattan, yeah, he had like dinners and stuff and he was like, oh this.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  I feel really bad for anyone that like is connected like that, cause who knows who's.

• 1:12:39Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  P Diddy.

• 1:12:40Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  You get invited to a P Diddy.

• 1:12:42Mark Normand?

  I'd love to go.

• 1:12:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  I. I got invited to, uh, and they wouldn't say who it was, but my manager knew, uh, to do a private for, uh, Banksy.

• 1:12:54Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  In England, in Bath or Bristol, uh, and I went, fucking no way.

• 1:13:01Sam Morril?

  Why?

• 1:13:01Speaker 01

  Because privates suck.

• 1:13:04Sam Morril?

  I know, but you might, but isn't that part of your comedy like this?

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  No, what a private does is the fucking, the one guy likes you and then he's gonna show you off to his friends and I know, you know, on a pie chart, the people who like my comedy is a very slim, diet friendly piece of pie of people that will understand, get or much less laugh at what I do. I'm a very genre specific, you know.

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  And, oh, I got to do Banksy's and I sucked. I think you guys were just talking about something like this, where you fucking sucked in front of.

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's a story of my life with these privates, but I feel like a Banksy gig, you'd show up and it's, it's just no one there. Cause it's Banksy, he's gonna throw you for a loop somehow.

• 1:13:49Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought the, I, I, I think it was gonna be like just the most artsy fuck.

• 1:13:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's bad too.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  People that like, if you said well before, you know, the current climate.

• 1:14:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  Is that.

• 1:14:04Sam Morril?

  But don't people not know who Banksy actually is?

• 1:14:06Mark Normand?

  He's always covered.

• 1:14:07Sam Morril?

  So would he?

• 1:14:07Speaker 01

  That's why I was not, I, I couldn't know, but I knew because he knew, but couldn't say it. And it turns out it was definitely Banksy, but I said.

• 1:14:16Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:17Speaker 01

  And I'm, you know what? I never wake up thinking, fuck, all those people hate me.

• 1:14:23Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  Which is the best feeling in the world.

• 1:14:26Mark Normand?

  But you're used to being hated by now.

• 1:14:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's, I was the fucking last note I wrote in my notebook before I left for here was, "You can do anything you want in life, just don't read the comments."

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, hear, hear. They're brutal.

• 1:14:42Sam Morril?

  I did, during COVID, my ex-girlfriend worked in art gallery and we were already broken up, we're on good terms, and she was like, "Do you wanna do a gig on the roof of the gallery? And I'll, and I'll get a bunch of people." And at that time, I was like, "Comedy? I'll do anything, sure." Yeah, you're right. They stared blankly at me.

• 1:14:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:00Sam Morril?

  But then afterwards, they were like, "Good show." And I'm like, "This is how you..." Like, so even if they like you, they're just like, "What the fuck?"

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  Have you done the UK?

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  It's, it's harder.

• 1:15:11Speaker 01

  It's just absolute silence, but it's a respect that you have to...

• 1:15:15Sam Morril?

  But they love you.

• 1:15:16Speaker 01

  Once you've done it, you, you have to, like, "I'm going back, I have to remember." They're going to stare at you blankly, and then you're gonna have flop, sweat, and, uh...

• 1:15:25Mark Normand?

  Then they applaud.

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  The standing ovation at the end, and you're like, "Where the fuck was this energy?"

• 1:15:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  Because we're so trained to American bravado. "Woo! Yeah! Kick some ass! Do the fucking thing with the baby dick that you cut out of your flesh, you know!"

• 1:15:43Mark Normand?

  I feel like the same with British women. You fuck 'em, silence, and at the end, they're like, "That was good." And you're like, "How about a moan?" It's the same with the audience.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  If you guys wanna talk about me behind my back, I hydrated this morning, and I'm gonna have to go find the pissers.

• 1:15:58Sam Morril?

  I gotta piss too, actually.

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  I'll hold it down.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  Oh, hey, let's, uh, you know what? I gotta do this. Hey, people, you ever wanna eat healthy, but you're in a hurry, you don't have time to cook? Well, whatever they pitch while we're pissing, use promo code STANHOPE. Don't use the drunk promo code anymore. That's for losers. Promo code STANHOPE. That's right. Prize pick.

• 1:16:24Mark Normand?

  It is ironic, your name has hope in it.

• 1:16:28Mark Normand?

  I never thought about that. Alright, I'll hold it down. Alright, this is exciting. I'm gonna go through Doug's coat. You never know what's in here.

• 1:16:38Speaker 04

  A Stan coat.

• 1:16:39Mark Normand?

  Hey, I like it. Alright, yeah, this is an honor for me. I'm actually nervous. I'm a huge fan. I've been watching this guy. This is the first comic I ever saw live. Isn't that crazy? In New Orleans at a place called One Eye Jack's. Sean Patton opened. And I knew Sean, so he got me in. And, uh... Aw, readers. Man, that's a bummer when you look through your hero's coat and it's fucking readers. What's in this one? A dildo?

• 1:17:05Speaker 04

  Check for inside pockets.

• 1:17:06Mark Normand?

  I checked that.

• 1:17:08Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, we need to...

• 1:17:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, nothing. Alright. But yeah, god, this shit is hot.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  He was just saying how bad New Orleans crowds are.

• 1:17:15Mark Normand?

  They're horrible. And he struggled there, but I was dying. I was like, "This is amazing." He was shitfaced. Barely got a word out, but the jokes were great. And, uh, so this is a treat, seeing him live. Or talking to him in person. We've talked before, but...

• 1:17:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:31Mark Normand?

  Got him on the pod. Very exciting.

• 1:17:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so they're going to piss. I'm holding it. And, uh, can you pull this up? I did Rogan once, and I told a Stan Hope story, and no one believed me.

• 1:17:44Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:17:44Mark Normand?

  And they called him.

• 1:17:45Speaker 04

  I...

• 1:17:45Mark Normand?

  And he answered.

• 1:17:46Speaker 04

  I love this clip.

• 1:17:47Mark Normand?

  I can't remember what the story was, though, because I was shitfaced, because it was Protect Our Parks.

• 1:17:51Speaker 04

  There was a girl, and it was later...

• 1:17:53Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:17:54Speaker 04

  ...years later.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  Pull it up, if you can find... I bet somebody turned into a clip. Pull it up! So, yeah.

• 1:18:00Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:18:01Mark Normand?

  Doug, I went through your pockets, hoping you'd had some contraband, and you had readers. Kind of a letdown, but, yeah. Oh, no, over here. But, yeah, if we can find... Oh, there it is! Yes!

• 1:18:18Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  All you got was a book.

• 1:18:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's 13 minutes.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  Podcast, so when you guys divorce.

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  You got it.

• 1:18:24Speaker 01

  You're gonna have to fight.

• 1:18:26Mark Normand?

  What's, what's?

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  I get this and you get the Leggero.

• 1:18:29Mark Normand?

  We're gonna make amends with her, don't you worry. This is one of my favorite moments of 2024. Do you remember this, Doug? Mark was on Rogan, Protect Our Parks, and he was telling a story about you, and then they, someone called you, someone had your number and called you. Oh, Joe called him. Cause no one believed.

• 1:18:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had to change my number because of that.

• 1:18:50Mark Normand?

  Whatever, and the bartender there was, it was some lady, and it was her first night at the comedy club bartending, and she went up to him and she was like, "You're disgusting." That was abhorrent, that was inappropriate, that was crazy. She didn't know comedy.

• 1:19:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:02Mark Normand?

  So then, whatever, cut to 30 years later, he comes back to Zany's, killed, like has the, one of these magical sets, annihilates, great night, he gets offstage and she was like, she now had been seasoned with comedy, she's heard all these people over the years, and she's like, "That was great." They all, they go out, he ends up fucking her back at his or her apartment, and he's over the balcony fucking her, fucking her, she's like, "You don't remember me? You don't remember me?" He's like, "No, I don't remember you," whatever, and they're fucking, they're fucking, and now he's got her over the balcony fucking her doggy style, and he goes, "You're disgusting."

• 1:19:37Mark Normand?

  Is that true?

• 1:19:38Speaker 04

  That was, it was back for her telling.

• 1:19:40Mark Normand?

  Yes. The jokes were disgusting.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  Put it together.

• 1:19:43Mark Normand?

  I told him.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, she, she, uh, she, after the show, the last show of this Chicago Comedy Festival, and she's the last server there, uh, all the comics and servers are just leaving to go to the bar next door by Zany's, I forget the name of it. Right around the corner from Chicago. Old Town Ale House. Yes, that's the place.

• 1:20:01Mark Normand?

  Great bar.

• 1:20:02Speaker 01

  And I said, "Are you going?" She goes, "You know what? I saw your act, and I want you to know, I, I think you're completely disgusting."

• 1:20:10Speaker 01

  And, uh, so I went, "Okay." Uh, this is before there was a comment you could avoid on YouTube.

• 1:20:16Mark Normand?

  Right, it's a live comment.

• 1:20:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  Can't erase that. So then I get booked back because I fucking killed. Uh, and then, then she's there and I said, hey, let's make a truce. Okay. I'm here for the whole week now. Uh, and

• 1:20:33Speaker 01

  we're gonna deal with, again, it's us against them. You, you need tips? I need laughs. Let's just try to get along through this. Yep. Oh, uh,

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  there was, uh, that was the second to last night. The last night of the festival, she's working and, uh, so, so I started, hey, I started trashing her about saying that I was completely disgusting. And I go, and you're a little cakey with the makeup, but I didn't bring that up. I just, I teed off on her. So there was a beef in play. Uh huh. Uh, so then we made up. Makeup is great. She was very cakey with the makeup. It's like, uh, almost like, uh, one of those, uh, Geisha girls. Oh, wow. Uh, so then we made up when I came back to do the week, went to a bar with the staff, got along, had lots of drinks, went fucked, uh,

• 1:21:24Speaker 01

  with her head out the window, which is weird, uh, to think that there's a downtown Chicago hotel that had windows that opened. Oh, yeah. But it was a thing. Sorry. You should have got on mic for that. You should actually have him mic'd. Yes. You should give me a, a, a. Yeah. Be a little crotch mic. Right. Little, like a, a Garth Brooks, but, uh, like. Give me a Matt Rife out of my ass. One of those little headsets. Wow, you have more current references than me. So, uh, and I was fucking her in the ass.

• 1:22:01Speaker 01

  Whoa. And I, when I, when I, I came in her ass. Whoa. Wait for it. Uh, and I, I leaned into her and I go, I just want you to know, I find you completely disgusting.

• 1:22:15Speaker 01

  Oh, that's great. So we remained friends. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Uh, but I, I wrote about that story in, uh, A book and then the audible version. I had a lot of people come on the podcast, podcast style. So in the audible book, it's being read. But then when it gets to certain places, I would have people that were there to tell their side of the story. So she came on, she's a fucking great chick, Patty.

• 1:22:42Mark Normand?

  Patty.

• 1:22:43Speaker 01

  She goes, well, first of all, you came on my back, you didn't come in my ass.

• 1:22:48Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  All right, that's why we're doing this.

• 1:22:53Speaker 01

  Clear up any.

• 1:22:55Mark Normand?

  Wow. Well, Patty, call in, please. We'd love to hear from you and hear your side of the story. That's a great name.

• 1:23:02Speaker 04

  Fuck her for the line, the zing, did you do it like?

• 1:23:05Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:23:06Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:23:07Speaker 01

  That would be way weirder. That was not improvised.

• 1:23:11Mark Normand?

  That's Banksy.

• 1:23:12Speaker 01

  He's just had a, like a notebook.

• 1:23:14Mark Normand?

  But when did it hit you? Did it hit you while you were fucking her or right as you came? Good question.

• 1:23:18Speaker 01

  I don't, I have no idea. I really don't.

• 1:23:21Mark Normand?

  But that's a comic. You got the callback in. Yeah.

• 1:23:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would be, that would be way creepy if I planned the whole thing. Usually I don't work for this kind of money, but I have an idea.

• 1:23:34Mark Normand?

  Wow, Patty. I wonder if she's still there?

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  No, she's in LA. It's in my old apartment building.

• 1:23:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, all right, Patty.

• 1:23:43Speaker 01

  Might be on fire. Should check in.

• 1:23:44Mark Normand?

  That's true. Yeah, a lot of people, man. Where is the Palisades? Is that?

• 1:23:48Speaker 01

  It's by Malibu. I had to ask too.

• 1:23:50Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of nice.

• 1:23:51Speaker 01

  It goes Malibu, Palisades, Santa Monica, Venice.

• 1:23:56Mark Normand?

  Fucking. Brentwood?

• 1:23:58Speaker 01

  Pasadena is also on fire. That's a P word.

• 1:24:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  Patty, pussy, Palisades, Pasadena.

• 1:24:06Mark Normand?

  There you go. Pasadena is where Disneyland is, is it not?

• 1:24:09Speaker 01

  No, that's.

• 1:24:11Mark Normand?

  Anaheim.

• 1:24:11Speaker 01

  Start with a P at all.

• 1:24:12Mark Normand?

  Anaheim? Anilheim. Holy shit, that's fucking bad.

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  This is Malibu.

• 1:24:20Mark Normand?

  Wow, Beyonce.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  Hey, since I dropped Annie Letterman's name, I'm also gonna drop the fact that she said, "Yeah, my manager's house burned down completely, so now hopefully he'll try to get me work harder." He'll try harder on my career.

• 1:24:34Mark Normand?

  Wow. Hey Jews, can you get a rain cloud coming in or get the weather going? What the hell? This is fucking crazy. This is wild.

• 1:24:44Speaker 01

  Shocking? No.

• 1:24:46Mark Normand?

  No. But bad. But usually it's like, super far out. I feel like now we're right in the mix here.

• 1:24:52Speaker 01

  If you had a bail on New York City, and LA and Austin were not options, where would you go?

• 1:25:01Mark Normand?

  Good question. I'll be Chicago. How about you?

• 1:25:06Mark Normand?

  I'd go to Rhode Island. I like Rhode Island. I got a weird affinity with Rhode Island. I like the size of it.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  Okay, let me add the addendum of you cannot come to any of those three cities to work.

• 1:25:17Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, what do you mean?

• 1:25:18Speaker 01

  Like, if you pick Rhode Island, you're within a couple hours of New York.

• 1:25:22Mark Normand?

  So you're doing it so you can come to New York? Oh, okay.

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  Connecticut and Jersey don't count.

• 1:25:26Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay, okay, alright. Am I gonna Tampa then? Oh, you're not a Tampa guy.

• 1:25:33Speaker 01

  Florida has never had a comedy scene in my 35 years.

• 1:25:37Mark Normand?

  Tampa, that club is pretty good.

• 1:25:37Speaker 01

  It's a club, but there's no scene there.

• 1:25:40Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:25:41Speaker 01

  Like, I would have to...

• 1:25:42Mark Normand?

  You need a scene. But you can drive up and down the state. You can go to like Jacksonville, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale. You can pop around. Driver, though, I like the idea of Chicago, I think. Chicago's nice. Nice city. You're on water, too. That's true, I do love Chicago.

• 1:25:56Speaker 01

  If it's for work, yeah, there's so much right in that area. Like, South Bend, fucking, there's... I did like, a full week of Michigan doing different cities. Kalamazoo, Lansing, fuck, there's just so much work there. You can drive two hours and... But then winter.

• 1:26:14Mark Normand?

  San Diego. That's a cool town.

• 1:26:16Speaker 01

  Love San Diego.

• 1:26:17Sam Morril?

  Back in the day, I might have even have said SF, but now I'm like.

• 1:26:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's not the same.

• 1:26:22Sam Morril?

  But San Diego is gorgeous.

• 1:26:24Mark Normand?

  Gorgeous. It's a ton of work.

• 1:26:25Sam Morril?

  I'm not even a beach guy, but there you're kind of like, this is fuck. I could like, I always want to do like a week at the Comedy Store there.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  Ocean Beach is, uh, fuck, that's, uh, they have a dog beach too, for Winnie. They have a dog beach where you can let your dogs, there's just packs of fucking everyone's dogs just running in and out of the ocean. Biting at waves and stuff. It's so beautiful.

• 1:26:47Sam Morril?

  Dude, I don't leash her. She can just, she just walks without a leash in the city.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, they don't leash. This is off-leash dog beach.

• 1:26:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, she's gonna get eaten.

• 1:26:53Speaker 01

  They go fucking chaotic.

• 1:26:55Mark Normand?

  Like seagull scooper, you know, just to carry her away.

• 1:26:58Sam Morril?

  Dude, I'm worried in this weather she'll get fucking swooped up.

• 1:27:01Mark Normand?

  That's true. These winds, but yeah.

• 1:27:02Sam Morril?

  She weighs nine pounds.

• 1:27:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a solid nine pound.

• 1:27:07Mark Normand?

  That's true. She's girthy.

• 1:27:08Speaker 01

  A gallon of water is eight pounds. That ain't blown over in a storm.

• 1:27:13Mark Normand?

  By the way, Ocean Beach, great bars down that strip. Great drinking by the beach.

• 1:27:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a little, it's a little sketchy.

• 1:27:19Mark Normand?

  A little bit.

• 1:27:21Sam Morril?

  Sketchy.

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:22Sam Morril?

  But they're hot homeless dudes.

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  Don't leave change in your, uh, in your cup and your car. It's the kind of place they'd smash out your window to fucking steal your fucking dirty.

• 1:27:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:32Speaker 01

  Speaking of, what kind of fucking weird car is that? Your, your car that got broke into?

• 1:27:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, you heard about that, huh? You know more about me than my father.

• 1:27:40Speaker 01

  Picture of it. I'm like, that's like, first of all, no one in New York has a car.

• 1:27:45Mark Normand?

  It's a 7302. It's a Beamer. It's a really zippy, fun little car. It's tiny. It's like a golf cart.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  That's gorgeous.

• 1:27:52Mark Normand?

  Thanks, man. This, this car saved BMW. BMW was going down the toilet with the World War II and everything, and they came out with this car and it revamped the whole company.

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  I bought, uh, I forget what year, seventy, one of the three years it existed, I think, Pacer with

• 1:28:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:28:09Speaker 01

  allegedly four, forty-three hundred original miles. Cause I'm like, I want a cool car, but I don't want, I can't fix shit.

• 1:28:16Mark Normand?

  That's like a Wayne's World car.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then I found out I got fucked and it was like a hundred and four thousand.

• 1:28:21Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:28:22Speaker 01

  It was gorgeous, pristine.

• 1:28:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, is that your, what, which one? Can we find Doug's actual car? You think there's a photo out there?

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  If you put in Stanhope AMC Pacer, I bet you find it. Cause I, I had to resell it.

• 1:28:35Mark Normand?

  I think that's the Wayne's World car, if I'm not mistaken.

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Looks like it. Yeah, no, it is. Do you have any grape upon? Yeah. I think it was called Adobe Seats. Oh, it was some kind of Aztec Adobe. There you go.

• 1:28:46Mark Normand?

  Is that it?

• 1:28:47Speaker 01

  First one.

• 1:28:48Mark Normand?

  Holy shit. Look at that. That's a cool car.

• 1:28:52Speaker 01

  It's a cool car, though.

• 1:28:53Mark Normand?

  It is pretty cool. What'd they make, 10 of those? I mean, that thing went in and out.

• 1:28:58Speaker 01

  His junior stop, go.

• 1:29:00Mark Normand?

  He's funny.

• 1:29:00Speaker 01

  I fucking love Junior. You guys tour together, right? Yeah, we do. I'm gonna start touring with Andy Andrist. Andy's, uh, like, we're revamping our podcast with him. He had his own podcast issues with Andy and I had my own. I'm like, why are we doing this separately? Like, he got burned out on his and mine fucking needed him. And we should be touring together. I got to a place where I didn't want to tour. I haven't in almost a year and a half.

• 1:29:27Mark Normand?

  Hmm. You got enough money for that to not tour?

• 1:29:30Speaker 01

  Not when I'm doing the shit I've been doing. Like, I've been bleeding cash, like, I'm making money, but I'm not.

• 1:29:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:29:36Speaker 01

  I'm like, but if I could go back and tour the stuff I like doing. I mean, I know, like, the, whatever, the ballparks with Burt Kreischer and stuff.

• 1:29:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:47Speaker 01

  It's just not my thing. I fucking hate it. Like... Did he hit you up about that? Uh, yes, one time, and, uh, I just... I'm sure he's a huge fan, you know?

• 1:29:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, he loves you.

• 1:29:59Speaker 01

  I, I, I, yeah, no, he's great. I went to, uh, I went to one of his shows. We haven't, this podcast has still not been edited. And I'm saying that with contempt at my fucking editor. He did get Ukraine out. He's working on the Slab City. But over a year ago, we went and do a road trip. He was playing my hometown. And my best friend from when I was a kid, Chris O'Connor, not the fucking comic.

• 1:30:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:24Speaker 01

  I hate to, uh, all right, don't get off track, fucking sketchy brain. Yeah. Uh, we went, uh, he emailed me and he goes, hey, uh, your buddy Burt Kreischer's playing at this, what was, used to be the Centrum, where we used to sleep out. We slept out, me and Chris O'Connor slept out two nights in the winter in February to get U2 tickets.

• 1:30:45Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  And we weren't even that big of fans. We just thought it was cool to sleep out for tickets.

• 1:30:52Speaker 01

  So, he's playing at this place and my wife is, she's the whatever organizer for the thing. Put in a good word for me so he knows I'm cool. Oh boy. And I go, "Fucking Okie is going back to the fucking..." So I packed up the kids, the cameraman and the wife. And we're like, "Alright, I'm gonna get us in." I'll go backstage. I went on stage. I opened the show as the mayor of Worcester. I found out what his name was. Nobody knows who the mayor of their town is. I went out as the mayor. They introduced me as a mayor and I went to a point where like, Burt had to go out at the end and like, "By the way, that was not the mayor."

• 1:31:37Speaker 01

  He could've gotten sued for this shit I'm saying. You know what? And I had that, "Thanks for voting me back in the office." I had the thing where, yeah, drunk driving. Who has it? And I, that kid, if I was sober, I would've killed that kid anyway. He came out of nowhere on that tricycle.

• 1:31:54Speaker 01

  And like, a few people know who I am and most of them don't. They don't know me from the mayor. And we did this whole podcast, filmed it and it took, Chris O'Connor and I went on a tour of all the places that we vandalized as kids. And we were the worst fucking evil children and places that we used to have fucking... There you go. I'm listening. I know, that's the light.

• 1:32:21Speaker 01

  Wait, you're from Worcester? Yeah, so we did this whole trip back home and then, and I'm like, "Get that out before..." This was December of 03 and I'm like, "Get it out before March so it looks timely since it's winter." And he still hasn't got it out. And then fucking Okie died. Oh! Fucking my age, he dies of a heart attack randomly. Sorry. You gotta fucking, he still hasn't cut the fucking thing out. We gotta get this footage out. We gotta hire a fucking queef to edit your shit. He does great shit. Have you seen the Ukraine stuff? No. We went to the fucking Ukraine, me and Andy went to Ukraine. Fucking fired on the fucking Russians. What? Yeah. Pull that up.

• 1:33:03Speaker 01

  Fucking the biggest fucking piece of fucking machinery in the, there you go. What the hell? How did I not know about this? How did I not know about this? That's what I said by fucking unlisted algorithm. This is 55K. This should be viral.

• 1:33:19Sam Morril?

  How was the crowd? When did this?

• 1:33:22Speaker 01

  Uh, October.

• 1:33:23Sam Morril?

  Is that a gun?

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:33:25Speaker 01

  I don't like fun. Three, two, one, go!

• 1:33:30Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:33:33Speaker 01

  People say I like to travel and they don't. They like to go to new places and meet new people. I don't like that. Do you like a 20 hour flight from Arizona? No, you hate that part. I love it. I take Xanax, I drink, I sleep like a kitten.

• 1:33:54Speaker 01

  You complain about the travel part. You wanna go, "Oh, I wanna see the cathedral." The cathedral.

• 1:34:03Speaker 01

  I wanna just get out. I was in Donbass. There is no better place to wanna get the f**k down and travel. Then 11 hours on a train is beautiful.

• 1:34:16Sam Morril?

  I gotta wa- I'm gonna watch this tonight.

• 1:34:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's two parts, but the the way you had to capitulate and cut out the baby dick sucking, I'm guessing it's a mole?

• 1:34:27Speaker 01

  With the herpes and the baby dick sucking?

• 1:34:29Sam Morril?

  No, the joke was, uh, my friend, uh, I- my friend had a baby, so I text her, uh, "Congrats", and she sent me a picture of her breastfeeding the baby, and I wrote, "Oh, okay", and she wrote, "Sorry if that's the equivalent of, uh, like a dick pic", and I was like, "I think it'd be way worse if I sent you a picture of a baby sucking the baby."

• 1:34:47Sam Morril?

  That was my opener, yeah, well, now I get it back for the next bit.

• 1:34:49Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 1:34:50Sam Morril?

  When they said that, I was like, "Cool, I'll get the joke back."

• 1:34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. For this, we put it out on Patreon, un- uncut for the- a week, and then their fucking- our guy that got us into the front lines, this was not a sanctioned fucking thing. This was not like, "Hey, would you like to come over and uh, get a call from the New York Times reporter? Call." A fucking email. And she goes, "Hey, I did a story on Ukraine stand-up comedy during the war, and every single one of them said that you are revered over there. Would you ever consider going over there?" Like, just, not, she wasn't, they weren't paying for it, but just in passing, you know, like, I didn't know I could go over there. I didn't know you could just go to war. I'm like, "Why didn't you tell me that earlier? I would have been there."

• 1:35:36Speaker 01

  Louis was booked there the Friday it happened. Fucking cancelled, I know. Because I had been talking to a couple guys over there that are fans since the most recent part of the war started. This has been going on since 2014. Jesus. And so, yeah, so I go, "Yeah, I'll fucking go." So, "Hey, pack up the fucking shit." Wow, how were the crowds? We're flying coach.

• 1:36:02Speaker 01

  Well, no, I just went to meet the comic. Oh, okay. Well, you were doing a set there. Yeah, it was open mic. And they set up a whole thing, you'll see it in the... All right. They set him all up, like, the one comedian I know that I've been emailing with, he set it all up, he's great. Vasil Baiduk, and he's well-known over there, too. And he set it up, and he had this duo that, from Eurovision, they had the number-one pop hit going on. So he wouldn't tell people, all the comics, why they're coming to open mic. He just, "You have to be there." So, they come out, and they think, "Oh, this is the surprise, that they're fucking gonna do their number-one hit at the end of the..." Right. And then they introduce me. Oh. "Ah, fuck."

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  So, yeah, the language barrier. I was doing a couple of small fucking bits, but... Yeah. It's no point. And then, but hung out all night, a couple of times. But then, we got to the front because of that guy, and they said, when they saw us firing that fucking hyacinth... Yeah. We assume on the Russians. We don't know. Oh, my God. I just pulled this, and put on your things, and they don't... Jesus Christ. I assume they can drink over there. In Donbass, it's, they said alcohol is more illegal than even cocaine. Come on. Because they, well, because they'd get fucking hammered.

• 1:37:30Speaker 01

  They're at fucking war, and they're huge underdogs. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So, yeah, I was, I was drinking.

• 1:37:39Sam Morril?

  Kind of like Davidson versus Duke here. This is a tough matchup. The Cinderella story.

• 1:37:44Speaker 01

  So they asked us, they said, I guess it's hugely illegal. Probably on an international level to let civilians come over and just randomly fire the biggest gun in their artillery.

• 1:37:57Sam Morril?

  Was it fun as hell to fire that thing?

• 1:37:59Speaker 01

  I didn't know I was gonna do it. I had brought, they do auctions, and this is what Vassil had told me, that most of the shows that they do are, they do auctions at the end to support the military. Like financially, they're paying for that fucking missile that I fired, artillery shell. So when I knew they was doing auctions, I brought my mother's ashes, a vial of my mother's ashes. Because I couldn't sell those on eBay here. I tried to, I get the mother, I don't give a fuck, they're ashes, it's nothing. So I tried to sell them on eBay to benefit, not the ASPCA, but Humane Society. Because mother was a cat lady, alright, that's a great place.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  And within hours, it's fucking going up, up. I'm like, holy shit, and then it's shut down. Not only is it against eBay Terms of Service, it's against federal law to sell remains, which is bullshit.

• 1:38:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah. When you say the word remains, it does sound worse.

• 1:39:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not like they're fucking wet guts. Fucking ashes. So I brought over a vintage ashtray with mother's ashes in it to sell at auction, which is addressed in the podcast.

• 1:39:18Speaker 01

  So then when we went to the fronts, the front lines, I still had, Vassil said, save some. So they had me put fucking ashes into the artillery shell, which they let us fucking film that. They said it doesn't even matter if I talk about firing the fucking thing, they just can't show the actual me pulling the fucking trigger.

• 1:39:37Sam Morril?

  That's why it's all covered up.

• 1:39:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I'm fucking, I'm just standing back the whole time. I'm like, no, no, you put the ashes into the shell. And I'm smoking, I quit smoking a year and a half ago. I started smoking for Ukraine. Ukraine doesn't matter.

• 1:39:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:39:54Speaker 01

  I come up to put the fucking ashes in the shell, but I have a cigarette. My mother's like, no, no, no, no.

• 1:40:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, sorry. Been a while. Yeah. And so then I step away again and they're like, no, sign the shell. So I wrote a, a, a mother's final flight, I think I wrote. On the, on the shell, then I walk away again. I'm fucking, I don't like, I have an irrational fear of balloons. Things that might pop. So fucking artillery shells. Oh. I'm backing up and they're like, no, no. No, no. Wow. Use your left hand, your right hand, but stay to the left and. Whoa. And then they're like, well, you can't show that part. So it's just, it's just that part. We actually, he actually figured out CGI to make us like cartoonish just for the pulling the trigger and then it goes right back. You might've killed a guy.

• 1:40:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. That's addressed in there too. A guy. Uh, maybe a platoon. A school. The fuck do I know? A hospital. Yeah.

• 1:40:56Mark Normand?

  You're disgusting.

• 1:40:57Speaker 01

  Ah, there it is. I wasn't, I wasn't looking at the, uh, you know, the final outcome. Yeah, yeah. I had no part in the war part. I was.

• 1:41:08Sam Morril?

  You never know where your career is gonna take you.

• 1:41:10Speaker 01

  That's true. Or your mom's ashes.

• 1:41:13Sam Morril?

  This week I'm at Zany's, next week I'm killing Russians?

• 1:41:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, and Ukraine?

• 1:41:17Sam Morril?

  Crazy.

• 1:41:18Speaker 01

  It, uh, I was gonna say it could have been North Koreans, but that was before they got there. Good point.

• 1:41:24Sam Morril?

  Crazy.

• 1:41:24Speaker 01

  Damn. Do you know Yoshi? Yoshi, the, the Mario? He's got porn relations. No. Kind of a comedian. No, Asian guy or? Yeah. I don't know Yoshi. Yeah, he's a comedian. He now he's like, oh, I'm going over there too. Yoshi, wow, god, you're quick.

• 1:41:44Mark Normand?

  What's the story?

• 1:41:45Speaker 01

  Oh, he, he said, oh, I'm going over there too. And he jacked up Andy for the, our connection. No. And so Vassil sends, sends a picture of him with Yoshi and god knows what, you know, the guys that, like Yoshi's never done anything bad to us, but you go, I think he probably spins a lot of yarns to get in the Sure. Clubs, you know, the guy that's, he's.

• 1:42:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that's not what I think of as networking.

• 1:42:10Speaker 01

  But the point is like now.

• 1:42:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but now he-

• 1:42:14Mark Normand?

  Hook up that Ukraine wreck.

• 1:42:16Speaker 01

  Andy was saying like, why would you go now that North Koreans?

• 1:42:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, bad timing. Wasn't, uh, Zelensky a comic? Yeah.

• 1:42:26Speaker 01

  He did the Paddington voice. He's sketch.

• 1:42:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? He did the Paddington-

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  Sketch.

• 1:42:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, sketch. Alright, that's different.

• 1:42:33Speaker 01

  He wasn't doing crowd work.

• 1:42:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. He wasn't Matt Rife. Yeah, exactly. Oh, is this him?

• 1:42:41Speaker 01

  How much do you think, uh-

• 1:42:41Speaker 04

  This is Zelensky playing piano with a teen-

• 1:42:44Mark Normand?

  Ninety-four thousand views, that's it.

• 1:42:51Mark Normand?

  This is so weird. This guy's now... Running shit.

• 1:42:59Mark Normand?

  What the fuck?

• 1:43:02Mark Normand?

  That's, that's not great humor. This is not great. Alright, now I'm on Russia's side.

• 1:43:10Mark Normand?

  What the hell?

• 1:43:11Speaker 01

  I had said the night before we went to the front, because we really had no idea what to expect from the minute I said yes.

• 1:43:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:18Speaker 01

  And that lady said I could go, you can't even fly in there. We had to fly to Poland and then fucking take-

• 1:43:24Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:43:24Speaker 01

  We hired a car to drive us in and then took the train back when we left, fifteen hours. Uh, and not like a fucking Amtrak. There's no dining car. There, it's like-

• 1:43:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What's this?

• 1:43:36Speaker 04

  This is Ukrainian, I'm sorry, uh, the Ukrainians are firing, uh, suicide drones-

• 1:43:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:43:42Speaker 04

  At the, um, North Koreans and they just follow them.

• 1:43:45Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:43:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, we get to do that, too.

• 1:43:48Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:43:49Speaker 01

  Not, not kill people, but actually be controlling drones- Just to see what it's like and it's, if you've done any VR-

• 1:43:57Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:43:58Speaker 01

  It's times you're like, I did just ping pong the first time and fell over.

• 1:44:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:44:02Speaker 01

  So-

• 1:44:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez.

• 1:44:04Speaker 01

  So, that was, uh-

• 1:44:05Mark Normand?

  You're probably drunk, too. You can kill people from the comfort of your own home. It's pretty crazy. Cool. Fun times. Look at that. Yeah, imagine if, uh, Rowan Atkinson ran England. Yeah, that's what that's like, basically. Mr. Bean is the prime minister or whatever. That is hilarious. Yeah.

• 1:44:21Speaker 01

  Fucking gorgeous thought.

• 1:44:24Mark Normand?

  He's unbelievable, that guy.

• 1:44:25Sam Morril?

  He is talented. I like him. Dude.

• 1:44:28Speaker 01

  Will this wind be so mighty as to lay low

• 1:44:34Mark Normand?

  This is a pretty good Mitch McConnell.

• 1:44:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that guy's incredible. What a talent. I watched him as a kid.

• 1:44:45Mark Normand?

  My dad liked him, and he hates everything.

• 1:44:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he had a fucking moment over here, too.

• 1:44:50Mark Normand?

  That's true. Yeah.

• 1:44:52Speaker 01

  Everyone knows who he is.

• 1:44:54Mark Normand?

  You doing stuff tonight, or you taking it easy?

• 1:44:56Speaker 01

  No, unless you guys are...

• 1:44:58Sam Morril?

  Come by the cellar, man.

• 1:44:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:59Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck, no. No, I don't.

• 1:45:01Mark Normand?

  What about New York Comedy Club?

• 1:45:03Speaker 01

  I don't know. I'm gonna find a bar, maybe between here and... Oh, my hotel does have a shitty bar.

• 1:45:09Mark Normand?

  Where are you staying? This won't come out for a while.

• 1:45:10Speaker 01

  Uh, three blocks away. It's a... I just see... Okay, I use points.

• 1:45:14Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:45:15Speaker 01

  It's a Voco, or... Yeah, it's...

• 1:45:19Sam Morril?

  We don't know who tells you. I don't know what we have.

• 1:45:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:45:21Speaker 01

  It's...

• 1:45:22Sam Morril?

  IHG's good, though.

• 1:45:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're doing Key West with, uh, Tom Dustin?

• 1:45:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:26Mark Normand?

  That's a great fucking time.

• 1:45:27Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God. A friend, Joe List, just made a documentary about him. That's incredible.

• 1:45:30Mark Normand?

  It's really good. He shot it.

• 1:45:32Speaker 01

  Uh, does I... Does he still do the killing iguanas?

• 1:45:36Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:45:37Speaker 01

  We wanna film that for a podcast.

• 1:45:39Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:45:40Speaker 01

  All right, this actually brings me back to where I lost track, where the day before we went to the front, I said, uh, like, if we got to a point where you had to kill... I go, I don't think I could fucking kill Russians, because I would think, hey, they don't wanna be here, like...

• 1:45:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:45:55Speaker 01

  Like, they're fucking drafted. It was weird to be on that side of a war. Where any war we know about, we were the... on their fucking backyard.

• 1:46:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:05Speaker 01

  So, to think of it where, uh, this guy's... These guys got fucking drafted. I go, I... I don't think I could... Cut to...

• 1:46:16Speaker 01

  Randy fucking got to fire next, and he did a full fucking curly from The Three Stooges after it went off, because he fucked it up. He didn't pull it hard enough, so it kinda started a fire, and then... But it didn't, and they're like, hard, and he had to do it like three times, and then kaboom, and it's a flash that you have... Your eyes squinted, at least I do. It's like, uh, and you can still see the bright orange fucking light.

• 1:46:40Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:46:41Speaker 01

  And it's so fucking like tremor, like if I, if I hadn't shit my pants.

• 1:46:46Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:46:46Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:46:47Speaker 01

  And Andy does it and then goes.

• 1:46:53Speaker 01

  Run out of there.

• 1:46:54Mark Normand?

  That's a, that's a bucket list.

• 1:46:57Speaker 01

  God damn it. See, now you put me right back on fucking path and now I lost myself.

• 1:47:01Mark Normand?

  Key West, Tom Dustin.

• 1:47:03Speaker 01

  Yes, that's okay. I don't know if I could kill an iguana.

• 1:47:07Mark Normand?

  You could do it.

• 1:47:08Speaker 01

  I know I would have a harder time.

• 1:47:10Sam Morril?

  You probably killed a person.

• 1:47:11Speaker 01

  Iguana than maybe killing a Russian.

• 1:47:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, these are more, more people.

• 1:47:17Speaker 01

  By the way, for you guys listening, iguanas are like fucking rats down there.

• 1:47:21Mark Normand?

  Rats.

• 1:47:22Speaker 01

  Just they're pests and they're a nuisance.

• 1:47:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:47:24Speaker 01

  You go when it's freezing out, the first time I went in.

• 1:47:27Sam Morril?

  We've never killed a rat.

• 1:47:29Speaker 01

  Well, you would if.

• 1:47:30Sam Morril?

  I would.

• 1:47:31Mark Normand?

  I killed a rat.

• 1:47:32Sam Morril?

  You haven't killed.

• 1:47:32Speaker 01

  I think, doesn't he do it with a blowgun?

• 1:47:34Sam Morril?

  Trap, I guess.

• 1:47:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's got like a, an air gun.

• 1:47:38Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. I want to do it with a blowgun because I keep, I'm telling this story wrong and now my version's more interesting. I'm packing a blowgun.

• 1:47:45Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 1:47:47Speaker 01

  I could hit an iguana with a blow dart, that iguana had it coming.

• 1:47:52Mark Normand?

  That worries me though.

• 1:47:53Speaker 01

  God hated that iguana.

• 1:47:54Mark Normand?

  Because if you got a straw in your mouth, you're gonna suck just from instinct, just from like habit. You're gonna swallow that dart, Doug.

• 1:48:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:48:04Mark Normand?

  But yeah, Key West is awesome. You're gonna have a blast. Tell Tom I said hi.

• 1:48:07Sam Morril?

  Look at that. Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney.

• 1:48:10Speaker 01

  There's no dates for these things.

• 1:48:11Sam Morril?

  Are you gonna Adelaide maybe or Perth or something too, or you just?

• 1:48:14Speaker 01

  No, I think, uh, I think he's sticking with that and he's, he's Australian, so he knows what's up.

• 1:48:20Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:48:20Speaker 01

  And we don't really have acts yet. Because I, uh, yeah, that special that came out, that was, that was pretty much it since the last time I toured Australia. So what I didn't put, uh, on, in the special, I already worked out in Australia to decide it's not going in the spec. So it's really the worst fucking.

• 1:48:42Sam Morril?

  But that's how it always is.

• 1:48:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:45Mark Normand?

  There you go. That'll be, that'll be a blast. And you'll love that flight. It's nice and long, poppin' Zanny's.

• 1:48:50Speaker 01

  Love it. Flying coach.

• 1:48:51Mark Normand?

  You got any Zanny's on you, by the way?

• 1:48:53Speaker 01

  No, you know what? It's weird. I was, I, I thought, should I bring these?

• 1:48:56Mark Normand?

  Yes, I can't sleep.

• 1:48:59Speaker 01

  Alright, you don't, I guess, yeah, you don't have a border here to have a connection.

• 1:49:05Mark Normand?

  Good point. But yeah, alright, well, go see Doug. That was a beauty. Great one. Go see Doug, he's the man. I'm sure you got a new hour, because that was shot two years ago, that other thing.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  Well, I better. I'm gonna have to.

• 1:49:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:19Speaker 01

  We're going to Australia for a reason.

• 1:49:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point. How do you put together an hour? You just go up and try ideas?

• 1:49:25Speaker 01

  No, I fucking, well, I, I, I write down, I, I, I wrote more shit in a notebook since I woke up at 10 a.m. Like, alright, this could work, okay, this.

• 1:49:37Sam Morril?

  That's why you should come by the cellar tonight, come with us.

• 1:49:39Speaker 01

  Like, I'm gonna go do this.

• 1:49:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:41Speaker 01

  I don't hang out with comics, I don't have comedy, there's no comedy, there's no comedy club within fucking four hours of me.

• 1:49:48Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:49:49Speaker 01

  So, I don't, comedy never comes.

• 1:49:51Sam Morril?

  There's one within forty blocks of you tonight, you should come hang with the cellar.

• 1:49:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I come here when it's a fucking cash cow. I'm gonna do comedy, I'm gonna wait till it's tight.

• 1:50:00Mark Normand?

  But you're sitting here talking about camaraderie, and we're a group and a team, and then you're like, I don't hang out with comics. Hang out!

• 1:50:06Speaker 01

  No, I, I hang out with comedy, I don't wanna, every time I go to the cellar, do you wanna do a spot?

• 1:50:11Mark Normand?

  I hear ya.

• 1:50:12Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:50:12Mark Normand?

  But you're one of the greats!

• 1:50:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they want you to go.

• 1:50:15Speaker 01

  Yes, that's how I stay that way, by not failing miserably trying to do fucking ten minutes, which I don't have.

• 1:50:22Mark Normand?

  Walk the room.

• 1:50:23Speaker 01

  I could do an hour and fifteen easier than ten.

• 1:50:26Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:50:26Sam Morril?

  I hear that. I get that.

• 1:50:28Mark Normand?

  Alright, I don't wanna force you. Remember you did BB Kings years ago?

• 1:50:32Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 1:50:33Mark Normand?

  You remember that show?

• 1:50:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:34Mark Normand?

  I went to that one.

• 1:50:35Speaker 01

  With the lady that wouldn't leave?

• 1:50:36Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:50:38Speaker 01

  Again, I have no memory, except for the really awful shit. Yeah, there was a lady that was, came as a guest of one of my good friends.

• 1:50:47Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:50:48Speaker 01

  She was, they worked in finance, like at fucking Morgan Stanley or some shit, and she just hated me up front and wouldn't leave. You were just talking about a lady like this, who was on her phone the whole time, she hated you, but you, you said you did it right. Was that you?

• 1:51:04Mark Normand?

  I think it was probably you.

• 1:51:05Speaker 01

  A lady, she was on the fucking right-hand side of the stage.

• 1:51:08Sam Morril?

  He hated me.

• 1:51:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:10Speaker 01

  The whole thing. And at the end you go, by the way, you must have hated me.

• 1:51:14Sam Morril?

  That was Ari. That was Ari.

• 1:51:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was Ari?

• 1:51:15Sam Morril?

  Ari Shafir, yeah. But that happened to me recently too.

• 1:51:18Speaker 01

  But it was on your show.

• 1:51:19Sam Morril?

  But Ari said, uh, yeah, I mean, you didn't like me. And she was like, no. And he goes, but you didn't say anything. And I appreciate it.

• 1:51:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that is nice.

• 1:51:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the right answer was how the conversation started in that, just leave.

• 1:51:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:32Speaker 01

  And it's not, you walk out, just, hey, it's not for me. I.

• 1:51:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's not Iran.

• 1:51:37Speaker 01

  I leave a lot of shit.

• 1:51:38Mark Normand?

  You can drive home.

• 1:51:39Sam Morril?

  It's fair. Like, I throw on movies all the time. Or like, then I'm like, ah, that was bad. I'm not, I don't make a stink of it. I'm just like, I'm gonna watch something else. I guess that you did go out for this, but like.

• 1:51:48Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:51:49Sam Morril?

  I think people have gotten so used to just everything being for them.

• 1:51:54Mark Normand?

  Curated.

• 1:51:55Sam Morril?

  Like, your algorithm is curated for you. So when you go to a thing and take a risk, that's almost foreign to people.

• 1:52:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  I was gonna ask you, how much, cause the whole crowd work thing, that's ubiquitous, how much do you think that's empowering the fucking audience?

• 1:52:11Sam Morril?

  I don't think it's that.

• 1:52:12Speaker 01

  To think they have a say.

• 1:52:14Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:52:14Sam Morril?

  I don't think it's that. I think it started before that. And I think, I think it started actually with COVID and people going back out and not knowing how to act anymore. I think it was like a combination of being obsessed with your phone and it feeding that. And I think, uh.

• 1:52:29Mark Normand?

  I think people think, it's like you said before, they're like, I don't like this, so I should be able to say something. Cause you can comment and tweet.

• 1:52:33Sam Morril?

  Everything is made for that.

• 1:52:34Mark Normand?

  You can tweet at Trump.

• 1:52:35Sam Morril?

  A date nap, it's like, no, no, no. It's so for you.

• 1:52:39Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:52:39Sam Morril?

  That anything you get you don't like, you're just like, ugh, even if it's free.

• 1:52:43Mark Normand?

  It's called a for you paid.

• 1:52:44Sam Morril?

  I know. But you get free shit and you're like, ugh. And I'm like, that was fucking free.

• 1:52:47Speaker 01

  I'm even locked in an algorithm that you can't get out of?

• 1:52:50Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:52:51Sam Morril?

  We all are.

• 1:52:52Speaker 01

  Not interested. I like, I don't know if, don't show me this channel or not interested is, but they don't work.

• 1:52:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:52:58Speaker 01

  And you watched one thing once and like, I, can I stop this?

• 1:53:03Mark Normand?

  I know, right?

• 1:53:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:04Mark Normand?

  Faces of Death still sends me shit.

• 1:53:07Speaker 01

  Faces of Death is like, that's.

• 1:53:09Mark Normand?

  That's all.

• 1:53:09Speaker 01

  Oh my god, have you seen the fucking?

• 1:53:10Sam Morril?

  All these women's butts, I'm like, gross.

• 1:53:12Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'll, I'll say that off the, I don't even, some things you don't wanna fucking even give any.

• 1:53:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, don't do it.

• 1:53:20Speaker 01

  But there is one that a friend of mine sent me. Was from Rumble or something.

• 1:53:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:53:26Speaker 01

  And now, that was like months ago and I watched maybe 10 minutes. I'm like, I can't do this. I was a kid, faces of death.

• 1:53:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:35Speaker 01

  And now that it's all real.

• 1:53:36Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:53:38Speaker 01

  But like, oh, no, I can't. And like, it tortured me forever.

• 1:53:42Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:53:43Speaker 01

  And now people are catching on because it got to other sites.

• 1:53:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy. Can you give us a hint of what you saw?

• 1:53:50Speaker 01

  India.

• 1:53:51Mark Normand?

  That's all I needed. India.

• 1:53:53Speaker 01

  And I'm in it because I had to fucking.

• 1:53:54Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:53:55Speaker 01

  On my last special about Indian gang rape. And they just took the most racist-y parts of what I did. You have to, if you're gonna be like racist or whatever, you have to do it quickly and have the, oh, that makes it okay part come right away. You can't make them wait for eight, 10 minutes for the, oh, now I see what he was doing.

• 1:54:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:18Speaker 01

  Has eight or 10 minutes.

• 1:54:19Mark Normand?

  No, no. Tell it to Kramer when he did his set, you know? If he would have gotten it quick and easy and got out, it would have worked.

• 1:54:27Sam Morril?

  It does feel like, instead of like, it feels like speed dating. It's like, all right, get to it.

• 1:54:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:32Sam Morril?

  With everything, where you're like, but this, I worked on this bit. I crafted this. I spent a lot of time making this the way it is and I don't want to give it away.

• 1:54:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, that's how much money I have to get back to your point is where I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. As long as I can pay for fucking three cheap seats to fucking Warsaw to get to.

• 1:54:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:54:53Speaker 01

  A grain and stay at a Holiday Inn.

• 1:54:57Mark Normand?

  Then you're good.

• 1:54:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want to break even and I want to go back to playing gigs that I love to do, which are small shithole, like the one nighter. I've never played Asbury Lanes.

• 1:55:07Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:55:07Speaker 01

  Is that still a thing?

• 1:55:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:09Speaker 01

  I'm sure that's one of those gigs I'd love, but my own, I just go, hey, let's go, me and Andy. Let's go have fucking fun like we used to and not give a shit about the money.

• 1:55:19Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 1:55:19Speaker 01

  Where people are just happy you showed up.

• 1:55:21Mark Normand?

  Yes. Here, here. Go see Doug on the road.

• 1:55:25Sam Morril?

  He's a great comic, man.

• 1:55:26Mark Normand?

  One of the greats.

• 1:55:27Sam Morril?

  Really happy. We wanted you here for so long.

• 1:55:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. And check out his new special.

• 1:55:31Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna forget the bodega.

• 1:55:32Sam Morril?

  Don't. Take it.

• 1:55:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, you better take it, baby. It's an honor.

• 1:55:35Speaker 01

  Promo code Stanhope, buy Bodega Cat. Use promo code Stanhope.

• 1:55:40Mark Normand?

  There it is.

• 1:55:41Sam Morril?

  Now, just add this at the end.

• 1:55:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, uh.

• 1:55:43Sam Morril?

  Bill Maher threw you out of his house in 95?

• 1:55:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, and I was nobody, obviously. I'm still nobody, but I was like, really, like, nobody. Uh, and someone go, hey, there's a party at Bill Maher's house. Someone, I had just moved to LA. So, maybe 96, 95, 96, had to be 96, cause it's 4th of July.

• 1:56:02Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:56:03Speaker 01

  Uh, and she's like, hey, there's a party if you wanna go and crash it. And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I, I would do everything when I was young, and...

• 1:56:13Mark Normand?

  It's free booze and he's a comic.

• 1:56:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I show up and it's all like just one of those industry parties.

• 1:56:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:56:19Speaker 01

  Where it's still kinda daylight and everyone's like, no one's really talking. And if they are, it's industry.

• 1:56:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:56:25Speaker 01

  Talking to industry. And you hope, oh, Jeff Cesario's here, but I'm fucking 19 and he's still 60.

• 1:56:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:56:34Speaker 01

  Whatever. Uh, and so at some point, I've drinking off of their free booze that I fucking, I used to get naked all the time. That's why, it's like, when Louis pulled his dick out in front of people, I, I, I've had so many people have seen my dick. If there was a class action lawsuit, you couldn't pass out enough fucking mailers. Uh, so I'd just jump in their pool naked.

• 1:57:01Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:57:02Speaker 01

  And like, industry people are... They're like, eh. I thought, hey, come on, I'll start the party. And nothing. And then, he co- he's not even at the party, he's upstairs. And then he comes down like, uh, fucking, not Rocky Balboa, but fucking the, the, uh, his opponent, Apollo Creed. He comes down wearing a fucking 4th of July top hat.

• 1:57:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 1:57:27Speaker 01

  And he's, this is like politically incorrect phase.

• 1:57:30Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:57:30Speaker 01

  But he comes down and he's, uh, just Hugh Hefner-ing, but has a troll. He's always been a troll and he's just grown into it so horrifically. Like, I remember seeing an episode of him making fun of Kim Jong-un's fucking hair. And he'd go, look in the fucking mirror! Do I have a fucking helmet of this ridiculous bulbous nose? You're a fucking, and I, I'm not a person to fucking point. Fingers and awkward heads.

• 1:58:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:58:02Speaker 01

  It takes one to know one. He comes down and now all the party starts down. Everybody's, oh, Bill Maher's coming down his staircase. And then he jumps in the fucking pool. Then everyone's jumping in the fucking pool. And this one girl who was, I'm not being Fonzie. And I'm not sure of a Sweden or Switzerland, but she was a Swedish. Uh. Flight attendant.

• 1:58:27Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:58:28Speaker 01

  Like, that's a very Fonzie thing.

• 1:58:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:30Speaker 01

  So I'm just hanging out with her at the other end of the pool. And, you know, LA, 4th of July, you know, fucking sun goes, it gets fucking cold.

• 1:58:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:58:39Speaker 01

  So we get out of the pool when it's finally wrapping up and I'm fucking freezing. So I'm with her and we go racing. I'm like, let's jump in a hot shower. So we jump in a shower. And it's, it's not like he only has one.

• 1:58:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:54Speaker 01

  But he found us in the shower. Hey, there's no shower scenes in my house. Let's wrap it up.

• 1:59:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:59:01Speaker 01

  Cause she was one of the only chicks left.

• 1:59:03Mark Normand?

  Ah, he didn't like that.

• 1:59:05Speaker 01

  Hot shower with her. We weren't even like close to fucking her out.

• 1:59:08Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:59:09Speaker 01

  Literally freezing.

• 1:59:10Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:59:10Speaker 01

  No, I would have fucked her for sure, but she wasn't throwing off that kind of vibe.

• 1:59:14Mark Normand?

  Got it, got it.

• 1:59:15Speaker 01

  Just kinda like, no, we don't belong here. We both had that in common.

• 1:59:18Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:59:19Speaker 01

  Which doesn't lead to fucking necessarily. Well, if I, again, if I, if I had game that night, if I would have.

• 1:59:26Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:59:27Speaker 01

  But then, so I had to fucking leave and it, it was when I'd first moved to LA. So my manager was trying to get me on politically incorrect. Cause it was kinda suitable for me. And I'm like, yeah, that's over now. So, so I, I, I mailed a letter to Bill Maher. With a key to my apartment at 1204 North Gerson Avenue, apartment nine. Here's a key to my apartment. Feel free to show up anytime you want. Come in, drink all my booze and fuck up my stuff and use the shower. Doug Stanhope.

• 2:00:04Mark Normand?

  I'm not going to your apartment, okay?

• 2:00:07Speaker 01

  God damn it, that guy was great. He's great, Donegan. Yeah, I'm sorry, there's a million shout outs that I wanted to make on this and I didn't get all of them, but that was nice, because I've heard the name a million times, but to see that, and then it was so confusing when he would, like, are you playing Bill Maher on the fucking screen, or is he doing it? He's doing it. He's that exact. He's that good. Mike, what's his name, and Henry Phillips. Henry, uh, Phillips.

• 2:00:35Sam Morril?

  Mike Judge?

• 2:00:36Speaker 01

  No, no, Mike, he's, uh, Mike McCray. Oh, yeah. He was the one who would be on Stern and could do a perfect, it's always great when they can do a perfect, uh, um, like, a guy you don't know, sorry, when you do that, I don't know. I'm trying to get him to pull it up. Uh, Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney? Like, you almost voted for Mitt Romney because Mike McCray could do this, like, how do you do someone who doesn't really sound like anything, but he could do it? And, uh...

• 2:01:08Sam Morril?

  Just put in Mike McCray, Mitt Romney.

• 2:01:09Speaker 01

  So, so, so, Mike McCray and, uh, Henry Phillips were on a podcast where he was doing Henry. Yeah. And it was not, you know, it was back in the audio days. Yeah. And you really couldn't tell who's talking to who. Whoa. They're talking to each other, so... That's crazy. Yeah. I don't even know what Mitt Romney sounds like.

• 2:01:29Speaker 06

  Uh, this is Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts. Uh, did, uh, did you, uh, yeah, did you hear the good news? I was endorsed by none other than corpulent New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. I tell ya, I'm, I'm so happy I can do a little jig. And, well, well, hey Jimmy, I might just put on some hippity-hop music that the kids love and bump fuzzies.

• 2:01:53Speaker 01

  See, the problem is, no one remembers what Mitt Romney sounds like, so you can't do them, but to hear them back.

• 2:02:00Sam Morril?

  Pull up Vaughn Meter doing JFK, I'm kidding.

• 2:02:02Speaker 01

  Vaughn Meter, nice. Damn, alright, well, hey, there you go. Alright, let me go get my fuck, oh, I got my bodega cat, that's all I paid for.

• 2:02:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:14Speaker 01

  Hey, uh, my special, um, discount meet is free on YouTube, and this is the only podcast that I am doing promotion for it.

• 2:02:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 2:02:23Speaker 01

  So, it fails. Every click it doesn't get.

• 2:02:29Mark Normand?

  It's on them.

• 2:02:30Sam Morril?

  It's already a success though. I saw it. It looks like it's already getting-

• 2:02:32Mark Normand?

  It's over 200K or 300K. So you're cooking.

• 2:02:35Sam Morril?

  You're cooking, man. It's gonna-

• 2:02:36Speaker 01

  You know what I didn't know? People give you money on YouTube comments.

• 2:02:40Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 2:02:40Speaker 01

  I never read the comments, but then I'm like, yeah, they're like, you go through the comments and it's like, like Czechoslovakia. I got like a thousand Czechoslovakian nuggets. Whatever they call them. Fucking donk or wangz or-

• 2:02:54Mark Normand?

  Well, there you go. Check it out, folks.

• 2:02:56Speaker 01

  Two bucks. Thank you.

• 2:02:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa, two bucks. That's not coming out of us, I hope.

• 2:03:04Speaker 01

  Save your receipts.

• 2:03:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:06Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 2:03:06Mark Normand?

  Thank you, Doug. You're the man. Appreciate you coming on. I know it's early.

• 2:03:10Speaker 04

  And these are Sam's dates here.

• 2:03:11Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 2:03:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA, Memphis, Knoxville. It goes on and on. Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Durham. That's all February. So come the fuck out. And then I'm coming everywhere. So just go to, uh, that's Tom Segura's tour. I'm coming. I'm so jealous of that tour name.

• 2:03:31Mark Normand?

  Great name.

• 2:03:31Sam Morril?

  I'm coming everywhere. That's great. Yeah, I got Providence, New Haven, Portsmouth. I had a show. Portland, Maine, Burlington, Montreal, Toronto, Buffalo.

• 2:03:39Speaker 01

  The Egg?

• 2:03:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a great one.

• 2:03:41Speaker 01

  I'm just looking at everything. Center, Hall, Theater, and then The Egg. That's the one I would like.

• 2:03:48Sam Morril?

  I love it.

• 2:03:49Mark Normand?

  You would love The Egg.

• 2:03:50Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, it goes on and on, but like, if you don't see your tour, if you don't see your city there, I'm coming at some point. So, yeah, samarrell.com/shows or just follow us on Punch Up, man. We gotta get you on Punch Up, Doug.

• 2:04:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:01Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 2:04:02Sam Morril?

  It's a, uh, it's just a-

• 2:04:03Speaker 01

  Tell me off the air. I was trying to close this like five times.

• 2:04:08Mark Normand?

  No, I'm just saying, I'm, I'm having a baby, so, uh, all my, uh, dates are scattered. I'm taking off the road for a while. I'm pulling a Doug. I'm going to Ukraine.

• 2:04:19Sam Morril?

  Give funny bone.

• 2:04:19Mark Normand?

  Reno, Nashville at the Ryman, and, uh, the Asheville Thomas Wolfe Auditorium. So those are the only three I got on the books, but we'll add more later. And, uh, yeah, queef it up. Praise Allah. Go see Doug. Check out his new special on YouTube for free. And, uh, yeah, give him hell. Praise Allah.

• 2:04:56Speaker 03

  Up on the roof like the cops coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way

• 2:05:14Speaker 03

  We might be true