Mom's Car: Joy Bryant

On this week's episode of Mom's Car, we welcome actor and Dax's on-screen wife Joy Bryant. Joy, Dax, and Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through high stakes three-way matching tattoos, BFAW’s entertaining story involving a thong and a 20-year full circle moment, digging into the morality of a hypothetical brother-sister scenario, a Vulnerboys write-in question, Joy’s top-five dream stoner list, and the crew invent a brand new moral dumbfounding about dolphins. #sponsored by @Allstate. Go to https://bit.ly/momscar to check Allstate first and see how much you could save on car insurance. Follow Mom's Car on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Mom's Car ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting https://wondery.com/plus now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Hello and welcome to Mom's Car today. One of my dearest friends, my television wife, Joy Bryant, joins Aaron and I today. And I just love this woman so much, I'm sure you do too. Please enjoy, Joy Bryant. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check your phones in your pocket before leaving the house. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:57Dax Shepard?

  Joy, Aaron and I got matching tattoos yesterday.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  No way, I love that.

• 1:02Dax Shepard?

  On my neck.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Oh, what does it say? La Costa Nuestra?

• 1:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's what I wanted to get to, but J2C. January 2nd Capricorn, July 2nd Cancer. Impossible.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  No, you guys are so weird.

• 1:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, in junior high, we figured out that we're the rarest of the rare, J2C.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  I got mine right there.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Oh my god, okay, first of all, I love matching friend tattoos. I have one with two of my other friends and it's Soul Rebel.

• 1:32Dax Shepard?

  Soul Rebel, and there's three of you with it?

• 1:35Speaker 01

  Yes, and it's all stick and poke.

• 1:37Dax Shepard?

  I just gotta say though, a three-way matching tattoos, higher stakes. Cause the odds of a fallout with three, higher than two.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Friend fallout?

• 1:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, no, we're never gonna, no, it's not gonna happen. The only thing is that everyone's tattoo is totally different because one friend gave me a tattoo and then he gave...

• 1:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, there's a dudes in the mix?

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, we're all best friends, so it's like the three of us.

• 1:59Dax Shepard?

  Two gals and a guy?

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, no one wanted me to give them a tattoo because my vision's a little bit off.

• 2:05Dax Shepard?

  Hold on, hold on. I thought you meant, he gave you the design, but you're saying he physically tattooed you.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, so woman, man, we're all besties.

• 2:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  And we decided that we're gonna do Soul Rebel. Steve gave me and Jade the tattoos, and then Jade gave Steve the tattoos, but no one wanted me to give anyone anything because they're like, but you can't even see. We don't trust that. But mind you, that was his first stick and poke, and it's all janky. It doesn't even look like it says Soul Rebel. It looks like it says Soul Re.

• 2:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  I mean, that works too, right?

• 2:35Dax Shepard?

  I like it, yeah.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  But he was like stabbing my arm and shit.

• 2:39Dax Shepard?

  What's the GD?

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Goddamn.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 2:43Dax Shepard?

  Goddamn.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  I said goddamn.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Goddamn.

• 2:46Dax Shepard?

  I said goddamn.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  That's actually a memorial for a friend of me and Dave's, Glenn Doherty. He was one of the people who died in Benghazi.

• 2:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. We met him through the whole sort of snowboard world and everything. He's an ex-Navy SEAL. And we just became friends.

• 3:02Dax Shepard?

  Looking for some action.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was just a really amazing, special person.

• 3:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I felt like maybe when you were staying at our house for the evacuations, we maybe talked about him.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Because you have a friend who was in that world.

• 3:15Dax Shepard?

  In that world, Navy SEAL, and was offered to go to Benghazi for a lot of money. They paid well for that. I'm not saying your friend, but the one that was offered to my friend.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:25Dax Shepard?

  I kind of dug this because I myself can't walk into a lot of stuff, but he just said to me, yeah, I was really tempted, but I just thought, you end up doing shit on these missions that can't be about money. You really got to think it's about country, or you're not gonna do the thing that needs doing. And I was like, wow, that's some cool integrity. Because I probably likely more do anything for money.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  You don't leave a damn coin on the floor.

• 3:53Dax Shepard?

  I am not walking by a penny on the street.

• 3:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but Aaron and I would drink a bottle of ketchup at the restaurant for $5.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  You guys have actually done that?

• 4:05Dax Shepard?

  Aaron hit some real lows.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  What?

• 4:07Dax Shepard?

  When he was an addict.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Wait, when you were in what?

• 4:11Dax Shepard?

  When he was an addict, I said.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Oh, some real lows, like?

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Like what I did for money?

• 4:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, one about, um, this is an incredible story because of the full circle nature.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so hit her with a Dean's House.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Oh, sure, sure, sure. So, you know, Joy, the game, how much would it take?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  To do such and such? People would be like, I wouldn't do that for a million dollars. I'd be like, 60 bucks? It's like that kind of thing, you know? Because I was like, I'm just being honest, man.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  That's immediate needs right there.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I found myself at a party at my friend's house and...

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Were you there?

• 4:49Dax Shepard?

  I was not. I had retired at this point.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  My girlfriend's there, all my friends, all these fucking assholes that I don't know. I find myself wearing my girlfriend's thong and it's a foot of snow outside and it's like zero.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Wait, what kind of thong? G-string or was there a thongs or were they G-strings? Was it one strip up your ass or was it sort of like fabric up your butt?

• 5:12Speaker 02

  It was something up my butt.

• 5:14Dax Shepard?

  You're huge butt cheeks.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  So, anything, everything is a G-string for you?

• 5:19Speaker 02

  It's a G-string.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Oh, you got a fat ass.

• 5:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he's got a gorgeous.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  Sadly, sadly enough, there was no pictures of this because it was in the 90s.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Four pictures.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  So, I'm standing outside, bent over on the porch with my ass.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yes, making a clap.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  And a dude just fucking starts peeing on my butt.

• 5:42Dax Shepard?

  That's what was on the table.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was on the, yeah. And I agreed to this for 40 bucks, which was like...

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Oh, wait, not even 60?

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Which was like four people chipped in 10 bucks. It took a minute to even get to 40.

• 5:55Dax Shepard?

  They couldn't get it up to 100.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  And then I was like, sold. At the time, a Tina of Coke was 40 bucks.

• 6:02Dax Shepard?

  Joke's on all of us.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, jokes, I did. And I said that too. I thought it. I thought, my girlfriend was so fucking embarrassed.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  She was like, I don't even have words. And I go, yeah, but who's fucking laughing? Who's really laughing now?

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Who got them dunks? I got them bums, alright? I got that yank.

• 6:23Dax Shepard?

  Now, here's the most incredible part of the story, I think. This gentleman who did pee on it.

• 6:30Dax Shepard?

  I'm more suspicious of that guy than I am Aaron in this scenario.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  A he who was peed on?

• 6:36Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  He who pees.

• 6:38Dax Shepard?

  He who chose and volunteered to pee on-

• 6:40Speaker 01

  To pee on a man's ass.

• 6:41Dax Shepard?

  Another man's ass cheeks in a thong. I find more disturbing. There's nothing in it for him, other than, I guess, the pleasure of being on another man.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  The pleasure of peeing on another person, like a man? And he lost forty dollars, right?

• 6:54Dax Shepard?

  Ten of it was his, I'm sure.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, okay.

• 6:57Dax Shepard?

  So, as you know, Aaron's been driving Uber. He answers a call, he pulls up to this nice house, and the man who peed on him-

• 7:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:04Dax Shepard?

  Having to drive him.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  The person who peed on you? You picked up an Uber twenty years later?

• 7:08Dax Shepard?

  It was like four weeks ago.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Get the fuck out of here. No.

• 7:10Dax Shepard?

  I was like-

• 7:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:12Dax Shepard?

  You've got to be fucking kidding me.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Wait, the person from Detroit?

• 7:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so I pull up to this nice house on a lake, and I'm waiting in the driveway, and out comes this person. Pee pee man?

• 7:24Speaker 01

  You remembered him?

• 7:26Dax Shepard?

  We know him well. He's a friend. But since sobriety, not a lot of interaction. Right.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:31Dax Shepard?

  No need for it. All wrapped up.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm so fascinated. Okay, so he gets in the car-

• 7:35Dax Shepard?

  He's already hammered.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  The guy is already hammered?

• 7:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Oh, so he's still going strong?

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  And he's been drinking all day.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:41Dax Shepard?

  And now him and his wife are going to a fucking party.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Did he recognize- do they know him?

• 7:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, we know them very-

• 7:47Speaker 01

  So he's gotten- now it's so shit!

• 7:48Dax Shepard?

  Immediately. They thought my car was like this car with all cameras on it. They thought like this was a big joke. In a million years, I wouldn't have picked that I would be getting them for a ride.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Wait, so did you guys ever talk about that night?

• 8:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it came up a few times over the years. No, not in the car that night.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:08Dax Shepard?

  He loves it, of course. The guy who did the pee, he loves it.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  I wonder what else he loves?

• 8:12Dax Shepard?

  I'm not embarrassed, obviously, I'm telling it right now. For many people to hear.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  I wish I was high right now, buddy.

• 8:19Dax Shepard?

  But yeah, no, he was proud to always tell that story at a party and a-

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Oh, he was proud to tell that story?

• 8:25Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 8:27Dax Shepard?

  Makes me think, you saw The Chappelle. We watched it together, right? The Chappelle monologue in Saturday Night Live?

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:31Dax Shepard?

  That was like a twenty out of ten?

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, got one.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Where?

• 8:37Dax Shepard?

  Now Aaron's on it. He'll instruct me what to do.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Okay, House of Pies.

• 8:42Dax Shepard?

  Ooh, this is exciting.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. Wait a minute.

• 8:45Dax Shepard?

  Is it fun?

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Oh, wait, first of all.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  We're getting an added delivery.

• 8:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, is it multi-step one?

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

• 8:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  House of Pies, we go.

• 8:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  I think there's probably two orders sitting there for us.

• 8:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow, mega bucks. People are religious about House of Pies.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  We've really never been.

• 9:04Dax Shepard?

  Because look how, it does feel like you're time traveling to Los Feliz in the 70s or something. I mean, I'll sum up that whole story. It's just the dude's blasted. Aaron's got to wade through. Why are you driving Uber? Also, we need you to drive us home. Like, are you okay? You're driving Uber.

• 9:22Dax Shepard?

  Things that really went south with you. You have cancer?

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. As he's mannered.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  And so you know the system. Aaron gets it, and I deliver it.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Got it.

• 9:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, look how many pies he's got. Wow. Yeah, let him throw that shit in the back. All right.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:40Dax Shepard?

  Pie time. Big money, big money. Big money. Beautiful.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  It's also like, are you gonna feed me later?

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do whatever you want. I'll feed you.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Yay.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Where you going?

• 9:51Dax Shepard?

  Joy has really, how would I describe your culinary pursuits? You get into things. Is it safe to say you get like?

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:59Dax Shepard?

  So Joy, for two months, will just be like, do you want to go get some duck? And she'll eat duck.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I had duck the other night. Yo, I fucking love duck. I fucking love duck.

• 10:12Dax Shepard?

  She's a duck machine.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Oh my God. I had duck the other night. Oh. And I'm about to have it later on for like leftovers.

• 10:19Dax Shepard?

  Is it microwave well?

• 10:20Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I'm gonna pan, I'm gonna like heat it in the pan.

• 10:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I can figure this out, right? What do we?

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Which one? This one right here.

• 10:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. All right, have fun finding that.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Was that the one?

• 10:32Dax Shepard?

  That was it.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god, the next one's eight miles away. Wait, that's why we're getting the big bucks.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  This one?

• 10:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Half hour.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Which is so funny because eight miles is not really that far, but in L.A., eight miles is really far.

• 10:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, in this case, 31 minutes. Okay, Joey, have you ever heard of moral dumbfounding questions?

• 10:50Speaker 01

  No, but I'm sure I've heard moral dumbfounding question.

• 10:53Dax Shepard?

  I'm aware of it because Jonathan Haidt, he asks these moral dumbfounding questions to his students at the beginning of class. And what moral dumbfounding is, is you really can't mount an intellectual argument for why it's immoral, but your gut tells you it's wrong. And his work was proving that people more often than not listen to their gut, whether they can actually make a logical argument for why it's not moral. I think we start with the brother-sister one.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 11:25Dax Shepard?

  I think this is his most famous. And then he has his class fight about this, and of course, no one's ever happy.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Okay, this is the incest scenario.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Oh, god.

• 11:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh!

• 11:37Speaker 02

  A brother and sister, both consenting adults, decide to have sex while on vacation.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  All right.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Did you say while on vacation?

• 11:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. First of all, already where they're on a vacation together. They might have more of a moral dilemma with going on just a vacation with your sibling than even having sex with them once you get on vacation.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  It gets better. They use protection and never do it again. They both feel like it made them closer, but tell no one. Is this morally wrong? If so, why?

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Is what wrong with they have sex, or is it wrong that he didn't tell anyone?

• 12:13Dax Shepard?

  Is it, no, it's just the whole endeavor morally wrong. Now, there's clever things in there that I'm sure you already detected, which is they use protection. Because a lot of people's argument would be like, no, it's wrong because you'll have a defective child. So they've cleared that up, so there's no baby coming out of this. Consentings really relevant.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Both feel it made them closer.

• 12:34Dax Shepard?

  That's...

• 12:37Dax Shepard?

  Awkward.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  I mean, it's incredibly intimate, okay.

• 12:39Dax Shepard?

  I don't want to feel closer to a sibling.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 12:44Dax Shepard?

  Post-coitus.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  I mean, is it wrong? I don't know.

• 12:47Dax Shepard?

  Is it immoral?

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I don't think it's immoral necessarily. It's not something that I would ever want to do.

• 12:54Dax Shepard?

  The notion to me is absolutely repulsive. I have a sister. I've gone to great lengths to have no idea if she has boobs.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Oh, wait a minute. Are these like?

• 13:03Dax Shepard?

  Brother and sister. This is brother and sister.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Not a step sister.

• 13:06Dax Shepard?

  No, not at all.

• 13:12Dax Shepard?

  I don't think step would even make it to a question.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 13:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're all.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  That was clarified. In that sense, no, it's fine.

• 13:23Dax Shepard?

  I had this scenario in my real life. I think I've told you about it, which is my mom's third husband came with a daughter who was two grades above me, who I had known. I had been in love with. I was like, I'm gonna live in the same house as this girl that I've liked.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 13:40Dax Shepard?

  And she's two grades older. I was so excited. She ignored me for however long they were married, two years or something, or a year and a half. But she, my brother, was then two grades above her, or three. So she had a crush on my brother for sure. And he ignored her, like, he just blocked her out. So there was a very weird step sibling love triangle that never went anywhere. Probably for the best.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  I think also the fact that they use protection, this is like best between them, going pretend like this never happened, we're not gonna tell anybody, it's over, it's done. I don't feel like I'm having a right to judge that.

• 14:11Dax Shepard?

  I think it's weird, but I'm making my choices based on who's the victim in this scenario.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  There is no victim.

• 14:17Dax Shepard?

  Right, cuz they don't tell anyone, cuz I would say like, the parents would be victims.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  How would the parents be victims?

• 14:22Dax Shepard?

  If they found out their children made love on a vacation, I think they would be really troubled by that.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  And thus, they would be the victims.

• 14:29Dax Shepard?

  And they would be going, oh, my God, what did we do wrong there? Brenda and John took a trip to Amsterdam. I'd like to note that Brenda and John are definitely doing this again. I think.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  It depends on how good it is.

• 14:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, it sounds like, yeah, here it is. You with the premise, which is like, what do you mean they never did it again? They did it, they liked it and feel closer and now they decided one is done. But I guess for the sake of this moral dumbfounding, you have to concede.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  That's the scenario.

• 14:58Dax Shepard?

  It's only one, it's one time.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  So in this instance, I am a libertine.

• 15:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah. I am too. It's disgusting. I don't know that I could do it even to save all of mankind. Aaron has sisters as well.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  I'm the only child, so there's that perspective. Ooh, girl, stop texting when you driving.

• 15:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you should ride a motorcycle between traffic. What you see is that forty percent of people are actively texting or watching a video.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:23Dax Shepard?

  And then forty percent are actively smoking weed.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what you realize quickly as you're lane splitting on a motorcycle is that almost nobody in LA in traffic is actually driving. Their subconscious is just getting them to wherever they gotta go. Okay, Aaron, so do you have a verdict? Mine was, it's not immoral, it's just disgusting.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  That makes three of us.

• 15:41Dax Shepard?

  You should have got a prude in the car. We need one prude in the car.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  I need someone.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, we do that.

• 15:49Dax Shepard?

  All good. What happens? You kill a dude and get twenty bucks off of him? All good.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Whatever. Somebody peed on you for whatever. So?

• 15:57Dax Shepard?

  Take the money and run.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Plus, you know what? Actually, it's good that it happened in the nineties before like smartphones and smartphones.

• 16:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh, there would definitely be a video of it.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Just think of all the shit that happened. Oh my god, these poor kids today.

• 16:10Dax Shepard?

  That's a great silver lining that you're right about. Cause a thousand percent everyone would have videoed it.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, you'd be a viral hit.

• 16:18Dax Shepard?

  Now we're gonna discuss a problem from a listener.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  This is from Rachel in Santa Barbara.

• 16:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  My new man can't keep it up and it's ruining my... Oh. I, woman of thirty years old, recently started dating someone new, a man twenty-nine years old. Together and serious for about four months and things are honestly amazing. He's a vulnerable boy, just like you guys. And makes me feel very safe and loved.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  A what boy?

• 16:50Dax Shepard?

  A vulnerable boy. We're vulnerable boys.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Vulnerable?

• 16:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Vulnerable?

• 16:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're vulnerable boys.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:57Dax Shepard?

  We're the vulnerable boys. We have a band. We've yet to record any of our songs.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  We don't think anyone can handle it yet.

• 17:02Dax Shepard?

  But we write songs about being scared and overreacting.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  So it's beyond emo. The new, new age emo.

• 17:09Dax Shepard?

  Mid-century emo.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  Right, mid-century emo. Got it.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Yes, definitely.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  However, when we have sex, his penis won't stay inside me when I start having an orgasm. He says that contractions are pushing him out, which sounds made up. Because it has never happened before.

• 17:30Dax Shepard?

  First of all, very jealous of her Kegel muscles.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 17:33Dax Shepard?

  If she can fucking eject a penis, that's how hard.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  That's some big fucking O and happening.

• 17:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I've never.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  I bet she snatched. Literally, she snapped.

• 17:43Dax Shepard?

  And I have not given an O of that quality, apparently.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 17:47Dax Shepard?

  Shoot me out.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Nor have I.

• 17:50Dax Shepard?

  I hate to admit.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  So she thinks it sounds made up and she's assuming he can't stay hard.

• 17:58Dax Shepard?

  Her assumption is that he is getting soft.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  And then saying that it's because of her.

• 18:03Dax Shepard?

  Her erratic contractions.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  To be fair, I usually get it one way or the other. But when he's softening up and sliding out, right when I'm about to O, it ruins the momentum and the mood. How do I talk about it with him without potentially embarrassing him or making him feel bad? Please help me, vulnerable boys.

• 18:25Dax Shepard?

  Vulnerable boys to the rescue. I want to hear a woman's perspective. What from her point of view makes sense to you? What are you confused by?

• 18:33Speaker 01

  I would imagine that contractions and Kegels are very stimulating to a penis when it's inside of you. And there's lots of benefits for that. And that could be overstimulating to her partner, right? Because sometimes being overly stimulated will cause the penis to go in the opposite direction. To go quiet. So girl, I feel your pain, child. I feel your pain, sis.

• 18:56Dax Shepard?

  I guess that's a good question. Has this ever happened to you? Because I call bullshit on a lot of this already. I think he's coming. She's about to orgasm and it's so exciting when you're a dude and the girl's about to come. Well, for me at least, that's when it's very hardest not to spray is when she's about to come. So my hunch is she's about to spray and he does and then it goes soft. Or he's about to, so he pulls out, so he doesn't spray. I have some follow up questions for her.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:23Dax Shepard?

  But I don't think he's hard and then right when it gets super exciting, he's flaccid. That I can't relate to personally.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Look, you never want to emasculate or make anyone feel bad.

• 19:33Dax Shepard?

  I feel bad for y'all. How do you bring anything up?

• 19:35Speaker 01

  You just have to. You never talk about it in bed.

• 19:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Okay, good.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  You don't talk about sex and what's working, what's not working in bed unless you're like actually fucking and you're like, okay, do this, do it like, you know?

• 19:45Dax Shepard?

  Right, right.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  But like after the fact, you don't talk about any issues or whatever in bed. Take it out of the bedroom and always come from a place of calm, love, right?

• 19:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Because it is sensitive, but I think it's more so that because we're so reluctant to talk about it. More so that when you start talking about it, it's actually not that bad sometimes. So I think that it's just like, you know, hey, I just noticed that when we're having sex and I'm about to come, like, I just want to talk about what that feels like for you.

• 20:10Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Because what I would like is X, Y, Z. What can we do differently so that you might be able to, so that I can be able to?

• 20:19Dax Shepard?

  Yep. Okay, so there's a lot going. I think it's going to be tricky because he's made a claim that I feel like she might have to refuse, which is it's ejecting your penis. So I don't know how we tackle that quite yet, but I think maybe I would go in steps for her, which is, okay, let's assume he's telling the truth and it's getting rejected. That can't happen if she's riding him. If she's on top and she's sitting on it, it can't get ejected. Would we agree with the physics of that?

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it.

• 20:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, think more about it.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  I mean. There is the whole thing of like deliberately squeezing your kegels while the penis is inside of you.

• 20:57Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Not involuntary. I don't know that like, oh, you're coming and now you're contracting. So I don't buy what he's saying.

• 21:05Dax Shepard?

  I think it's possible, but I think it's highly improbable.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:08Dax Shepard?

  So first order of business would be like, hey, I know you're saying it's popping out. I would love for it to be in there when I hit my peak. Can I try riding you to see if it won't pop out? Okay, great. What's he gonna say? No, you can't ride me? He's gonna say, yes, you can ride.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:24Dax Shepard?

  That's my assumption. Now, if he still pops out in that scenario, I think he's limp. And now we can address in the debrief after that sex, we could maybe say like, well, wow, it still popped out. Do you think you're losing your erection? To me, the options on the table are like, well, if you're losing your erection, just use Viagra. If it's really a loss of erection, there's medicine. Just fucking take Viagra.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:48Dax Shepard?

  But again, my hunch is he's probably coming early. I can relate to this. When I was younger, oh, what a stressful thing. Someone's gotta teach you to handle your business before you do your business. Everything will be golden.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  And also there's performance anxiety and those kinds of things.

• 22:02Dax Shepard?

  But I think, why is it getting soft? Is it getting soft because you're orgasming me and going, that's so flattering? Like putting a real positive spin on it. And then you gotta talk about, okay, what if I blow you a half hour before we have sex? And then give it a go and see if you can hang in the saddle.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Joey, what you said about the talk and not in bed, until Ruthie, who I'm married to now, I never, or at least maybe I didn't hear them, never had a talk about anything open with the sex. It just happened.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  I feel like a lot of people don't.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  But it's very healthy.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:36Dax Shepard?

  It's hard.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  It's hard.

• 22:37Dax Shepard?

  I want to acknowledge it's so hard. Because I think it's the easiest way to like destroy someone's self-esteem. I think we all intersect going like, I hope I'm enough. If you're a dude, it's about how big's your dick, which she doesn't even care about. But as a dude, you think so. It's like, am I big enough? Then do I last long enough? Am I hitting all this accoutrement you have correctly?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Am I hitting the walls?

• 23:01Dax Shepard?

  Am I bottoming out? Am I hitting the walls?

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Alright. Why not?

• 23:05Dax Shepard?

  Meet at door. I get to meet this person.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, wonderful. Now I want to get back closer to our house.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what we were saying. I'm not mad at this little subdivision in the city.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I find a lot of times you can't get into buildings.

• 23:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, very Melrose Place-y. What were your shows, Joy, when you were in high school? Were you sucked into any of these white dramas like Iowa?

• 23:22Speaker 01

  White drama?

• 23:25Dax Shepard?

  Like Beverly Hills, 90210?

• 23:27Speaker 01

  White drama. Hashtag white drama.

• 23:30Dax Shepard?

  We got drama too.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Yo.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Y'all definitely got fucking drama. That is the great, that's like a great name for a show. Yo, white drama. What's it about? It's all in the title. White drama.

• 23:40Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if you could just declare a show these days, like, this show's gonna be 100% white.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  This is like 100%, this is a white drama.

• 23:46Dax Shepard?

  This is a white show.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  This is a white, white ass show.

• 23:49Dax Shepard?

  Everyone's free to watch it, but it is for white people only.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  It is about some white bullshit. White drama.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  They'll say that up in the corner before it starts. This is for the white bullshit.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  This is for the white bullshit, just to let you know. It's gonna be good. I'm just white bullshit.

• 24:07Dax Shepard?

  It'll be exactly what you expect.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  It'll be exactly what...

• 24:10Speaker 02

  You're not gonna relate to it, but it will entertain you.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  It's gonna be under-seasoned, but it's gonna be good.

• 24:18Dax Shepard?

  Under-seasoned.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  It's gonna be raisins in the potato salad, but it's gonna, you know, whatever. You pick it out.

• 24:27Dax Shepard?

  Did you like any of those shows though?

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Yes, I loved 90210, Melrose Place.

• 24:31Dax Shepard?

  Also, you were in that boarding school that was a bunch of honkies, right? They were probably all watching Melrose and talking about it.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Weird thing is, I gotta remember watching a lot of TV in high school, because I think we had TV in maybe some of the common rooms or something like that, but I didn't really watch a lot.

• 24:44Dax Shepard?

  So which one did you watch? Party of Five?

• 24:46Speaker 01

  I wasn't really into Party of Five.

• 24:48Dax Shepard?

  That was extra white.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Threw some names out.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  Well, you did.

• 24:50Dax Shepard?

  Well, Beverly Hills, 90210.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  And Melrose.

• 24:53Dax Shepard?

  And did you have a favorite character on 90210?

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Dylan.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Dylan.

• 24:56Dax Shepard?

  Dylan, yeah. Hi, Brandon. We love Brandon. He's a nice ass, but it's all about the bad boy.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  With the raspy boy.

• 25:05Dax Shepard?

  In a Porsche, convertible Porsche, in high school.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Wait, he had a convertible Porsche?

• 25:09Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  What a badass.

• 25:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he rolled around a little Porsche Spider.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Fucking A.

• 25:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, hard to beat. But then Brandon got a 65 Mustang.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Sure did.

• 25:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, at one point.

• 25:24Dax Shepard?

  I love that the premise of that show was that they were poor. And they kept showing their house, like a 4,000 square foot house in Beverly Hills.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  They're poor.

• 25:31Dax Shepard?

  And you're like, God, I don't know how they're...

• 25:33Speaker 02

  Embarrassed around their friends.

• 25:35Dax Shepard?

  Yes, don't want to get picked up in front of their house.

• 25:40Dax Shepard?

  Who would be your top three lists of people you would want to smoke a joint with? You bring your own, I guess, in this scenario. Seth Rogen's number one.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Yes. He's number one, two, three.

• 25:50Dax Shepard?

  I might be able to broker that.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  No way. I would smoke more than one hit with Seth Rogen.

• 25:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Although I kind of feel like his weed is very strong too, but I would just bring my own as well.

• 25:59Dax Shepard?

  This is one of Joy's hot takes that I loved when we were doing Parenthood. She was like, okay, Seth Rogen and James Franco, they're in all these movies together. And all the girls are wild for Franco. And he's objectively cute. I get it.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 26:10Dax Shepard?

  She goes, but for my money, give me a night with Seth Rogen.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 26:14Dax Shepard?

  And I was like, girl.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Look.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  And he likes to eat and he smokes weed.

• 26:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is the dream hang.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  The snacks would be crazy.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  And the snacks would be crazy.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 26:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so Seth Rogen, number one. Woody Harrelson, any interest?

• 26:36Speaker 01

  You know, I never thought of my top dream stoner. Yeah, I would love a Woody Harrelson.

• 26:41Dax Shepard?

  A hang with Woody Harrelson?

• 26:42Speaker 01

  But when you threw out Willie Nelson and then Snoop, that's tough because these are like the...

• 26:46Dax Shepard?

  They're in the mouth.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Well, this is how I break it down. This is how I break it down. It's like, there's platinum status, gold, silver, bronze, and pewter. Now, I have friends who are like platinum level stoners, like homies. And I know I can't smoke with them, but I know that if they were to get with like Snoop, Willie, or whoever, they would go toe to toe. One of my homegirls in New York, this bitch. One time we did edibles and they were five milligram each, and of course I did one. She did five, which means she had 60 milligrams to my five. And I was high and she looked high, but she was totally functioning and kind of doing her shit.

• 27:22Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh yeah, girl.

• 27:24Dax Shepard?

  Well, that is the weird question I kind of sometimes ask myself is if you wake and bake... And you maintain and you're, yeah, you're not altered. It's just curious. I'm not even sure that you know.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  I would.

• 27:35Dax Shepard?

  When you're stoned, you know what I'm saying?

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Well, back in the day, I was someone who smoked all day and I could function and do anything and everything.

• 27:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  But now I don't have that level of tolerance, so I can't just be smoking all day and handle the things that I need to handle.

• 27:50Dax Shepard?

  So weirdly, okay, and your tolerance went down.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:53Dax Shepard?

  I just interviewed Seth. He said he smoked with Snoop and he just got blown away. And I was like, oh, it's interesting. There are rungs.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  So for me, on that scale, I'm like bronze to pewter because I do smoke probably more than the average person. There's different modalities that I tap into with weed.

• 28:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And have you dabbled in another craze I'm noticing is a lot of people doing mushroom chocolate. Have you fucked with that?

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:18Dax Shepard?

  It's great, right?

• 28:19Speaker 01

  It's fucking awesome. Remember that time I told you I walked from the Hollywood Bowl past your house?

• 28:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were chocolate it up.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, like that was not a great idea, but I did that.

• 28:31Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Mom's Car. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. You know, it reminds me of all those times when checking first really pays off. Like that time I didn't check the weather before planning a backyard barbecue. Rookie mistake. Or how about when you're about to head out on a road trip and you know to check your tire pressure first? It's those little check first moments that save us from bigger headaches later. I mean, think about it. You always check if you have your wallet before sitting down at a restaurant, right? Or make sure you've got your keys before closing the front door? These are just smart moves we all make. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

• 29:15Dax Shepard?

  Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, parents, it's that time of year again, back to school madness. But before you start hyperventilating into a paper bag, let me tell you about a little lifesaver called Uber Eats. Right now, they're offering up to 40% off back to school essentials. You heard that right, 40%. We're talking notebooks, colored pencils, calculators, glue sticks, all that stuff your kids need to become the next Einstein. Or at least past the sixth grade. But wait, there's more. Uber Eats has your lunchbox game covered too. Get discounts on string cheese, juice boxes, fresh fruit, Lunchables,

• 29:57Dax Shepard?

  all the fuel your little geniuses need to power through the day. And hey, if some of those snacks accidentally fall into your mouth, I won't tell anyone. The best part, it's all just a tap away on the Uber Eats app. No more running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything done. So make your life easier and order now on Uber Eats. Remember, get up to 40% off back to school essentials. Offer ends 9/16. Terms apply. See app for details.

• 30:26Dax Shepard?

  What's great about this mushroom thing is you never knew when you were taking shrooms. I've eaten a pound of shrooms in my life. Aaron and I famously bought a half pound in Santa Cruz, which was two gallon sized Ziploc bags. And we kept one gallon for our consumption and then Aaron sold the other gallon in Detroit and we made for us a fucking fortune. I think we made like 1,200 bucks or something and got a free quarter pound. Anyways, you didn't know what you're taking. You're like, I guess I'm doing four stems and six caps. What does that mean? And even if people had scales like, well, weigh at three point, well, how much of it is psilocybin inside of all these stems and shit? The notion that you can take

• 31:10Dax Shepard?

  that chocolate and you know exactly what it is, is pretty radical.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did I tell you this was actually your chips premiere? I'm sure I never had mentioned. I was so embarrassed about it. But um, so Scotty and I were staying in a hotel together. We were gonna go to your house because your family was there. Mom and Dave Barton and everybody. And I hadn't seen anybody in a long time, but I was also really peaking in my fucking addiction and everything else at the time. In my mind, this was a good idea because I thought it would keep me chill. Scotty went and got a candy bar and each little piece was five milligrams.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  This is a weed or mushroom?

• 31:51Dax Shepard?

  Weed chocolate.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. So he fucking chomps like- Ten of them down.

• 31:57Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Like a crazy amount and I know myself, I can fucking do an ounce of coke and drink a crazy amount, but I can't smoke weed.

• 32:06Dax Shepard?

  We've never been strong in that category, Aaron and I.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  I think it was March Madness at the time, setting this up. So we're gonna go to a bar, watch some basketball, have a couple beers, keep it chill, so we can go at dinner with you and the family. And then your premiere wasn't till the following day, I think. I had one, a five milligram piece. We go to the bar. I've lost my sight. I went, I started when I realized my paranoia set in. The bar was busy. All of a sudden, I decided that the bartender didn't want me there. Or no, just the waitress, we're sitting at a table.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Although we're drinking and eating.

• 32:46Dax Shepard?

  Doing everything a waitress might want you to do.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  I was like, it was so strong. I can't be here anymore. Scotty was like, whoa, what the fuck? So, no, we'll stay. Thirty minutes later, I just go blind. I'm watching, I'm like looking outside and it just is gone. I can barely see Scotty's orbit right next to me and I'm like.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, so fast forward to Scotty holding my hand and walking me back to the hotel.

• 33:18Dax Shepard?

  Tell him at some point, I can't see.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Yes, I told him I was completely blind.

• 33:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  So.

• 33:24Dax Shepard?

  What do you do with that info? Cause you're like, well, you're not. There's no way your eyes got damaged while we were watching this basketball game.

• 33:32Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, so he held my hand and he walked me back and I was like just barely seeing shapes.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  I'm like, I'm gonna get hit by a car for sure.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Thank god you weren't alone.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  So we get back, the pool was not even open. It's outside. I jump in it.

• 33:52Dax Shepard?

  At my house?

• 33:53Speaker 02

  No, no, no, at the hotel. You know, I'm like, I need some cold water anyway, so I can see. Yeah, so I do that, nothing. I go into the shower. Now it's almost time to leave for dinner and I'm like, I can't see. And I was like, I can't. Yeah, so I remember Scotty called you or texted me and said, yeah, weekly, you know, it's not having a or whatever. I don't know how we worded it.

• 34:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I don't remember that.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah. Well, you had a lot going on.

• 34:23Dax Shepard?

  A lot going on.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  And I remember you were not, you weren't happy. You were disappointed, which was the worst part, of course, for me. I'm like, well, she would just be mad at me. But no, he's disappointed and still loves me.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  So I called it a wrap and like slept for 13 hours.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, because that's what you gotta do. You gotta just go to sleep.

• 34:46Dax Shepard?

  I do wonder though, if it was in your head, I was disappointed.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Possibly, yeah.

• 34:50Dax Shepard?

  Because I have no memory of it. And just also, I can't imagine ever if someone's fucked up and they pull something like, being judgmental. I just did it so much. I missed birthday parties. I was late for Christmas. I would have just been like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:07Dax Shepard?

  Probably better he didn't roll up annihilate. I may be even grateful. I feel like is what I would have felt.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  I come with a cane.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  And like dark sunglasses. You're like, what the fuck?

• 35:18Dax Shepard?

  Did he get hot acid in his eyes?

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're surely right. I probably made that part up. Being disappointed in my own.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  You definitely made that up in your head.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  With myself.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  A thousand percent made it up in your head.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  All you have to do is be chilled for one day.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 35:35Dax Shepard?

  And you tried. That was Tommy. You should have tried.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Wait, so when you woke up?

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Just gonna drink some beer.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Was your vision restored?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  A hundred percent, yeah.

• 35:43Dax Shepard?

  Twenty twenty?

• 35:44Speaker 01

  Look at this.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Went to the premiere that day, saw you, saw everyone.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Oh my God. Oh my God, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm like, let me go back to my old self.

• 35:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what's this? What, except, oh, look at this. I'm turning right, no, roast duck by.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Stop it. Stop it.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Oh my God, this feels like a blessing because, did you order?

• 36:08Speaker 01

  It's me, guys.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  She ordered some duck.

• 36:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I see roasted duck.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 36:12Dax Shepard?

  Look at this. Oh, this is gonna be hard for Joy to not get nibbling on this duck.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  I wanna fucking puke when this duck gets in the car.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  They not getting his order. Bam. Can you bring a menu out?

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Holy shit!

• 36:29Dax Shepard?

  I can't believe you desire duck that much.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 36:32Dax Shepard?

  It's like a kink for you.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  It's like a kink to me.

• 36:36Dax Shepard?

  It's a kink.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  I think he said, "You're real careful."

• 36:39Dax Shepard?

  He's extra careful. It's extra greasy.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  I'm holding it like a baby.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Do you want me to put it back here?

• 36:44Dax Shepard?

  No, he said, "Keep it upright."

• 36:45Speaker 02

  No, I'll hold it.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  How do I? This is my...

• 36:48Speaker 01

  You don't trust me?

• 36:49Speaker 02

  Make it.

• 36:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, moral dumbfounding.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  All right, Joy, you're gonna like this. Corpse desecration.

• 36:59Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  A medical student alone in a lab finds an unclaimed cadaver. They decide to have sex with it, knowing that no one will ever find out, and the person is already dead. Is this morally wrong?

• 37:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this one's really hard to not say. It's absolutely wrong.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  I think it's absolutely wrong because it's still a violation. You were not given consent. And then at that point, does the body belong to the family?

• 37:30Dax Shepard?

  That's why I think he was clever in saying "unclaimed."

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Unclaimed.

• 37:34Dax Shepard?

  Well, you notice these clever things that he puts in there to prevent you from making that argument. Like, oh, the family would be upset.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  I still think that it's a no-go.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Isn't it only a misdemeanor legally?

• 37:50Dax Shepard?

  I gotta imagine it's a felony, having sex with...

• 37:53Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  Especially unclaimed.

• 37:57Dax Shepard?

  How about this? When I'm dead, I don't care what anyone does with my body. I'm dead.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  You don't care if someone fucks you? I don't fuck you in the...

• 38:07Dax Shepard?

  I don't want someone to fuck me. I hope someone can get some enjoyment out of my...

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Fuck that. I care if some dude fucks me when I'm dead. I care about that. I don't want some random dude just fucking, like, busting off at me when I'm dead.

• 38:22Dax Shepard?

  I bet we can make this harder really easily. And you say, "The cadaver's a man, and a rigor mortis caused his penis to stay erect, and it's a woman who does it."

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 38:37Dax Shepard?

  You gotta admit, it's different than a dude banging a female corpse, right?

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Because that male is penetrating versus...

• 38:44Dax Shepard?

  No, I just think it's the moral dumbfoundedness, right? Like, I just know guys are worse. They're doing all the raping. And so if a gal gets off on a dead guy, and then you also, you gotta assume a dead guy would definitely love for his dead body to be had sex with by a woman. Admittedly, I'm more open to a woman doing it to me than a man doing it to my corpse.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  It's almost like you're donating your body to science in a way?

• 39:09Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I'm donating it to someone who presumably can't otherwise have sex if they're having sex with corpse. Okay, we'll put a pin in this. We'll be right back.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  Jack, let's pull up that menu.

• 39:21Dax Shepard?

  What if you just wanted to meet them, because you're like, hey, I like duck a ton too.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Do you have any extra? Can I come hang out, you guys? I'm like obsessed with this fucking duck place. I can't think of anything else but this fucking duck. God damn it.

• 39:33Dax Shepard?

  They own a Cybertruck. What do you think, love duck plus Cybertruck just puts you right back at zero?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Um.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:46Dax Shepard?

  Net zero. It's a push.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a push.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Okay, so we were at the what if it's a guy cadaver?

• 39:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I guess I'm asking, are you more comfortable with a woman having sex with a male cadaver than a man having sex with a female cadaver?

• 40:02Speaker 01

  That does kind of feel different.

• 40:05Dax Shepard?

  Logically, I go, it's the same, but I-

• 40:07Speaker 01

  But at the same time, it's-

• 40:09Dax Shepard?

  This is similar to, we've debated at length whether it's okay to have sex with a dolphin, a human, because dolphins are so horny.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  Dolphins are very horny.

• 40:19Dax Shepard?

  They're the horniest. And what we have decided we feel comfortable with is a woman being in love with a male dolphin, but not a man being in love with a female dolphin. Because the male dolphin has to do the penetrating. We know it's consensual because he's initiating and doing it. And for some reason, that just feels a lot better to me than a dude deciding the dolphin loved him back and wanted it. I don't trust a guy to make that call.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Which is always the case.

• 40:44Dax Shepard?

  Yes, we don't have a great track record, so. How do you feel about a woman and a male dolphin as lovers?

• 40:56Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 40:58Dax Shepard?

  I do too. I'm happy for both. I'm certainly stoked for the dolphin.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 41:02Dax Shepard?

  Like, what a pimp. He's got interspecies appeal.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Right. Yeah.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Did you just come up with a new morally dumbfounding question?

• 41:12Dax Shepard?

  I think so. Yeah, yeah. I think I should pitch this. I'm gonna email this to Jonathan.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  I didn't even pitch that.

• 41:18Dax Shepard?

  Great news. I have a new one.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Bestiality. Is it okay?

• 41:21Dax Shepard?

  With only a dolphin because they're super intelligent?

• 41:24Speaker 01

  With dolphin dick and a consenting woman.

• 41:26Dax Shepard?

  Because we see them trying all the time. There's untold videos of these.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Oh, no. I was obsessed with naughty dolphins.

• 41:33Dax Shepard?

  Naughty dolphins.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Dirty dolphins.

• 41:38Dax Shepard?

  Naughty dolphins. That's a great show I would watch.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Dirty dolphins?

• 41:42Dax Shepard?

  White drama and naughty dolphins. That's a block? That's a solid couple hours of television.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Dirty dolphins.

• 41:50Dax Shepard?

  Back to the cadaver. Aaron, what do you think?

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Some people may not like this, but I don't think it's morally wrong.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Did you say you don't think it's morally wrong?

• 42:00Speaker 02

  I did. I did.

• 42:03Dax Shepard?

  I know how Jim would go that way.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  I think that person is a perv.

• 42:07Dax Shepard?

  He's just having sex with a steak at that point.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:10Dax Shepard?

  The question is, is this dude nasty as hell? The nastiest.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  The nastiest.

• 42:15Dax Shepard?

  The nastiest.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:16Dax Shepard?

  But again, I'm having a hard time finding the victim.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  I still think the victim is the body.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Because it still lacks consent, and you are taking advantage of a body, even though the body is no longer alive. It's still a body. And so for those reasons, I would have the same issue if it was a woman with a dead hard dude.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Same?

• 42:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think this question also would be harder if you believed in an afterlife.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:41Dax Shepard?

  I think that's in the mix a little bit, right?

• 42:43Speaker 02

  I think that's probably one of my main reasons.

• 42:45Dax Shepard?

  I think that person doesn't exist anymore. So I don't think there's actually a person to consider.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  I don't necessarily think that person exists anymore either. I still feel that it's still a body. It's still a human being, even though that human being is no longer.

• 42:58Dax Shepard?

  You don't have rights to just any body you find, right?

• 43:00Speaker 01

  No, you don't.

• 43:01Dax Shepard?

  That's fair. But I do think if you're deeply Christian and you believe you'll be in heaven watching this person violate your corpse, it's easy to find a way to victimhood in that. If you believe you'll be in heaven and could somehow observe this.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. See, I don't believe in that. I'm not religious at all necessarily, but I just believe in. You're crossing a line, man.

• 43:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  The fucking line.

• 43:24Dax Shepard?

  This one I will say of all these.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  You're crossing a line.

• 43:26Dax Shepard?

  Of all these I've heard.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Take your dick somewhere else, dude. I got it. I was like, what, you want to go to fucking grave and like dig up some shit and like same thing?

• 43:34Dax Shepard?

  Let's paint the most generous defense of the person possible for one second, which is, I didn't pick what I'm into. Luckily, I happen to be into women who are my age and have been my whole life. I'm not a good person because I picked peers my age who I want to consent. That's just how I am. I don't think anyone picks being a pedophile. No one's trying to be a pedophile. I think that's a terrible way to go through life on planet Earth. I mean, what would you do? So I don't think anyone picks that. So let's just assume for a second there is someone, guy or a girl, who they were born, the only thing they ever are gonna want to have sex with is a corpse. They didn't decide that. That's just how it is. They're never gonna have sex with an alive person.

• 44:19Dax Shepard?

  If they're ever gonna be sexual in their whole life, it's gonna be with a corpse. And now they're in this situation where it's like, oh, here's this corpse. They're dead. It's not like they're gonna be upset or in any discomfort. Now's my chance. I'm mildly sympathetic if there's someone that was born that way and that's just how they are and I just got lucky and it's easy to be like me. That's as good of an argument as I could maybe make. You're still out.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  But if it's a normal person like you.

• 44:43Dax Shepard?

  And you're just horny. And you're like, I mean, they're gonna jerk off.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 44:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm a piece of shit.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:50Dax Shepard?

  I'm a lazy piece. I was like, fuck, I was gonna jerk off, but this seems a little bit easier.

• 44:58Dax Shepard?

  Five percent easier.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Can you imagine that seems easier? And Jack and.

• 45:05Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's where you get into the weirder conversation is like what dudes do in prison. That one's really interesting.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  Is that one of the questions too?

• 45:13Dax Shepard?

  No, but I'm just now thinking about the notion that there are dudes who will fuck other guys while they're in prison and get oral from them and then get out and never do that again. That's not their preference, but in a pinch they'll do it. And then I used to watch that show hookers on the point on HBO.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Love that show.

• 45:32Dax Shepard?

  It's the best show ever, right?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Remember?

• 45:34Dax Shepard?

  And the narrator? Yeah.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  I'm not calling back, girl. I'm sucking dick right now.

• 45:38Dax Shepard?

  Verbatim. I love the narrator. The narrator, this is how he thought, he go, he go, the ladies on the point are working hard to match sucking and fucking. Like and then.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  That's so good. Do you think we could find that on Max?

• 45:56Dax Shepard?

  I don't know that it's on there unfortunately, but that was Nate and I's show. We loved watching hookers on the point together. And our favorite episode, which was so confusing, was this guy had picked up one of our heroes from the show. The white chick with no teeth. She's like, how are you tonight, baby? He's like, good. I just got out of prison today. And she's like, oh, welcome home, baby. She starts blowing him in the middle of it. Now he's, he's getting really into it. And he's like, oh, fuck. I want some balls in my mouth. And Nate and I were like, whoa, what's happening in this man's mind? He got a female hooker, but now he's like, I want some balls in my mouth.

• 46:39Dax Shepard?

  And he said it a few times and she goes, oh, you kinky. And I was like, that's more the service that a sex worker might provide than people might think, right? Which is you might think they're just there to have an orgasm, but the acceptance that those gals have of whatever anyone's thing is.

• 46:58Dax Shepard?

  Is nice, right? Like, maybe you are, in quotes, you're straight or who cares? You want a woman to blow you, but you wanna talk about sucking balls the whole time.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's okay.

• 47:09Dax Shepard?

  That's okay?

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  And I don't think that makes you whatever.

• 47:14Dax Shepard?

  We don't have a category. We don't need a category for this.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  Isn't that about the sort of fluidity of sexuality and things like that, right? And I think that also plays into how men could potentially have sex with each other in prison, but get out and they're like, okay, well, that was then.

• 47:31Dax Shepard?

  So, yeah, when Nate and I lived together, we were in our different bedrooms every morning. We'd be doing our computer work and every now and then I'd just hear from down the hallway,

• 47:45Dax Shepard?

  "The ladies are working hard tonight on the point."

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, I was vegetarian from 94 until 2018. And during that time, I was like a pescalectarian. I would have-

• 48:02Dax Shepard?

  Say those years again, I wanna do the fast math. What is it, 90?

• 48:05Speaker 01

  94 to 2018.

• 48:07Dax Shepard?

  So, 24 years. And when I met you-

• 48:10Speaker 01

  I was vegetarian.

• 48:11Dax Shepard?

  You were vegetarian, you were starting to fuck with fish sticks. We need to tell that story. In route to this answer.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  Oh, no, damn it.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 48:24Dax Shepard?

  Let's tell her in that really-

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Please, please.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Okay, so when we were filming Parenthood, I was clearly such a granny bitch.

• 48:33Dax Shepard?

  And also, let me just say from my point of view, I had met Joy before Parenthood. I'm like, oh, this is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. I thought that every time I met her, right? And now I'm on the show with her and we're playing fiancés.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:46Dax Shepard?

  I'm like, I hit the lottery. Is this who I have to kiss? Is this former supermodel? So, just now, going into it, I'm like, I hit the lottery. Okay, sorry.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  I was just a regular model, wasn't really a supermodel, but I hear what you're saying. So, on this one day, we have this scene where we're gonna kiss. In the lead up to this scene, he has watched me. Cause at that time, I was smoking cigarettes. So, he'd watch me have a cigarette with a cup of coffee. Then he watches me, like, you know, little time goes by, I'm at the craft service, I'm eating a hard-boiled egg.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Or it could have been either hard-boiled or like, what do you call them? Oh, devil. It was either hard-boiled devil, either one.

• 49:29Dax Shepard?

  Going hard on the eggs in the morning.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  Going hard on the eggs in the morning. Then I had like, some salmon sticks or something.

• 49:37Dax Shepard?

  She was gnawing on a salmon stick.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  And I go back to a cigarette and some coffee. I'm missing something. There was one more thing that I was like...

• 49:44Dax Shepard?

  Those are the four I remember. It was like, coffee, cigarettes, fucking eggs.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  Eggs and salmon sticks?

• 49:50Speaker 01

  And I'm just, you know, you snack it.

• 49:51Dax Shepard?

  I'm watching it, I'm like, this is a real fuck you to me.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  What did I do?

• 49:56Speaker 01

  So then he finally goes, "You gotta pick one. You can't do all four." You can't smoke, drink coffee, eat hard-boiled eggs, and fucking salmon sticks, and then he starts kissing me. You gotta pick one. And I don't even care what it is. You can't do all four.

• 50:10Dax Shepard?

  I can't do the cornucopia.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  You cannot do all four. You gotta pick one. And I was like, oh damn, you know what? My bad. You know what? I changed my life.

• 50:20Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Changed my life.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  I love that story.

• 50:25Dax Shepard?

  Cause for three of them, I'm like, I can't say anything. But once the fucking salmon sticks came out, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to say it.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  But that's how I know that this is my boy right here.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Fuck is a salmon stick?

• 50:35Speaker 01

  It was like some kind of salmon, something like jerky or something like that.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 50:40Dax Shepard?

  Fucking fish jerky.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Real salty fish.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  You can't do all four, bitch. You gotta pick one thing.

• 50:45Dax Shepard?

  I'm only human. Look at the size of this nose. I can smell and taste that.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  What the fuck? Pick one thing. And ever since then, I'm like, it's only one thing?

• 50:55Dax Shepard?

  My two favorite moments along those lines is like, you're acting together, your friends, and then you have to hook up sometimes. And so, I'm trying to be cool, and I say to Joy, like, before we have this crazy scene, "Do you wanna have a boundaries conversation? Like, I wanna make sure I don't do anything, you know." And Joy goes, "You can do whatever the fuck you want, but don't touch my hair."

• 51:20Dax Shepard?

  Wow, I'm so glad we had this conversation. Because you better touch a white chick's hair. She's expecting you to do something. That's like, that's standard for a white girl is like.

• 51:32Speaker 01

  Get your fucking fingers out of my hair.

• 51:35Dax Shepard?

  That scene is very nice and so that conversation yielded some learning.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  I mean, I've lightened up a little bit more.

• 51:42Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  I mean, you can touch it.

• 51:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, then it led to her going like, no, no, listen, I wear a head scarf at night. If that's what it's called.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I guess now people do them bonnets, but like I would do it with a scarf.

• 51:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and she's like, listen, I put my hair in a scarf at night. And if I don't have my scarf on, Dave knows, okay, it's time. And I go, oh yeah, this is an incredible indicator how women should have head scarves.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  No, but also, I will take it off.

• 52:09Dax Shepard?

  If it evolves.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  If you're on, but like I'm gonna take it off.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  I think this food delivery is pretty fun.

• 52:16Dax Shepard?

  I did too.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  I do think you need to have food.

• 52:19Dax Shepard?

  There's two arguments to be made. One is like, now we're so hungry.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  I'm so hungry.

• 52:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and we're gonna fucking have so much fun eating it.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 52:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're gonna really go for it. We're gonna have to order duck, pizza, everything we picked up.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, wings.

• 52:37Dax Shepard?

  Well, Joy, I love you.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god, this is so much fun.

• 52:41Dax Shepard?

  Thanks for coming in mom's car with us to deliver you some food.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  This is so much fun, I'm so hungry.