Ike Barinholtz

Actor and comedian Ike Barinholtz feels bullish about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Ike sits down with Conan to discuss his game show victories, how the comedy scene in Amsterdam taught him to perform for the masses, the inspiration for his character Sal Saperstein in The Studio, and his new podcast Funny You Ask. Later, David Melmed follows up with the team about the dos and dont’s of podcast-related tax write-offs. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:55Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:58Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:06Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 1:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it. Cause you said you would.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 1:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:30Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Ike Barinholtz and I feel

• 2:01Speaker 02

  bullish about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 2:04Conan O'Brien?

  Very, very Teddy Roosevelt of you. Bully.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Bull Moose. Speak softly and carry a large, redheaded man.

• 2:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 2:35Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. It took me a second to realize what we were doing. And I'm Conan O'Brien, from the title of the thing. And this is Son of Obsession.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  What is happening with you?

• 2:47Conan O'Brien?

  This is David Hoppin'. I'm just trying to come in with fresh energy. I have an obsession lately that I want to talk about.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:53Conan O'Brien?

  Which is, um, rappers that have agreed to do a soundtrack for a major motion picture, and then they have to rap about the movie and kind of get bogged down in the plot of the movie. It's one of my obsessions lately. One of the things I was thinking about, and I think one of the worst offenders, uh, was when, um, Hammer, MC Hammer, uh, for the sequel to the first Addams House movie.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Oh, boy. I remember this. Addams Family.

• 3:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he had to rap about the Addams Family and he... I know this is a long time ago and people listening right now are like, "Conan, what are you doing?"

• 3:37Conan O'Brien?

  "What are you doing?" And my lo... I know, I have loved ones that tell me that all the time. "What are you doing?"

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, everyone says it.

• 3:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and, um, I think every conversation I have with you, Son, it begins with you going, "What are you doing?"

• 3:47Speaker 01

  "What are you doing?"

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  "What are you doing?" And you always do it like that. "What are you doing?"

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Why do I have an accent?

• 3:51Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. You're always making a meatball when you say that to me. You're like, what are you doing?

• 3:57Speaker 01

  You're doing a pizza pie.

• 3:59Conan O'Brien?

  So, anyway, so MC Hammer was getting into the weeds. You know, some executives said, you gotta mention Fester. You gotta mention Wednesday. You gotta talk about Gomez. You gotta talk about, you know, and then, okay. And you think, okay, Conan, that's one example. Have you got more? I do have more.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, you came prepared. He did research.

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  No, I didn't do research. These are the ones, I wrote them down as they came to me. I remembered Vanilla Ice Ninja Rap.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Yes. Oh, my God, I remember that.

• 4:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and of course, and of course, you know, Vanilla Ice is he, and no offense to, is it Mr. Van Winkle? Was that his name?

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 4:38Conan O'Brien?

  In court documents. No offense to him, but again, he had to get bogged down probably in talking about various ninja.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Go ninja, go ninja, go. Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  And they started breakdancing.

• 4:52Conan O'Brien?

  And they start breakdancing. And then, did he have to get into the plot? That's my favorite thing is when they're like, Michelangelo has to get the blue jewels.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  It's out of show.

• 5:01Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 5:01Speaker 03

  It's performing, it's in the movie, they're at a concert.

• 5:03Conan O'Brien?

  Of course it is, of course it is.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:05Conan O'Brien?

  Bobby Brown Ghostbusters 2.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 5:09Conan O'Brien?

  Remember that one?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:10Conan O'Brien?

  And, and, and it just goes on and on and on, and I love it. And the reason I, it all came back to mind is the other day, you know, I like to sketch. You know, that's one of my things that I like to do.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  You're a doodler.

• 5:22Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a doodler, I'm a draw, I like to draw, I like pen and ink. So I went into, I'll give them a shout out, Blick's Art Supply.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 5:29Conan O'Brien?

  I like, I can hang out in the Blick's forever. I just love pens, paper. Yeah, I'm from the streets and.

• 5:37Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm there and I'm, you know, checking out some of the latest cool, you know, cool pens out of Japan. And I, you need an eraser that you can knead, you know? That's K-N-E-A-D, you know, a kneading eraser. Anyway, I'm checking out, yeah, and then I'm gonna go out and get laid, you know? But that's the order that I like to do things. Because I like to get the really good Japanese pen, a kneadable eraser. And then I have to go out, you know what I mean? And fucking spread my seed all over town.

• 6:08Conan O'Brien?

  That's just the order that I like to do things. And if people think I came in hot today, maybe I did. Because, uh, I was in, uh, Blix here on the west side of Los Angeles.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Blix or Blick?

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  Blick, it's just Blick. But I, sometimes I go in and I go like, "Hey, I'm gonna Blix it up." You know?

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Okay, I got it.

• 6:25Conan O'Brien?

  And then, "Watch out, world, cuz I'm coming after, you know, once I get my supplies."

• 6:31Speaker 01

  A little bag of Japanese pens?

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  That's when I like to stroll the boulevard and check for action. Anyway, I'm in there, and what do I hear? Oh my god, it's Pitbull. And he's rapping about Men in Black 3. And sure enough, this rapper has, has had to bend the knee to the studio executives. And he's talking about, "We gotta go back in time." And he's explaining the plot. Do you know what I mean? And again, that always freaks me out. When rappers, you know?

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Well, everybody needs, I mean, imagine how much money they get. You should try to do a rap for a movie.

• 7:09Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I think maybe I'm jealous that no one's asked me.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Toy Story 5. Yeah.

• 7:14Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you. Thank you. Now, my guess is, um, Toy Story 5's coming out soon. I'm in it. I guess I was thinking, maybe in the back of my mind, they might want me involved in the soundtrack.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:26Conan O'Brien?

  You know, no one wants to hear from Tim Allen and Tom Hanks anymore.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Well, also, I mean-

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean? Been there, done that. This is my chance to shine.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  I know Randy Newman typically does a lot of the songs for the Toy Story movies. But maybe we change it up this time.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it's probably getting late. My guess is they've figured this out already, cuz they've been working on this movie for years. But if they haven't, and who's to say I can't rap? I did a movie last year, and people thought, "Well, he can't do a movie." Well, guess what? I did.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:53Conan O'Brien?

  So I think I could rap the plot to a movie.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  I think you can too. First of all, your beatbox is, your beatbox, there you go.

• 8:00Conan O'Brien?

  There it is.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  That's, your beatbox game is off the charts.

• 8:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  So I think you can, definitely-

• 8:08Conan O'Brien?

  It's not even chart-adjacent.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm like, off the chart, and then so far away from the chart.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:13Conan O'Brien?

  That no one can even see a chart near me. Do you know what I mean? There's no clipboard, there's no chart. Insight, if you had binoculars, you wouldn't see the chart.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  I've heard you rap before and you do a throwback where you go, "My name is Conan and I'm here to say..."

• 8:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Which is what everybody wants to hear right now.

• 8:29Conan O'Brien?

  Early 80s.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:31Conan O'Brien?

  Every rap should start with, "My name is blank, whoever you are, in my case Conan. My name is Conan and I'm here to say, I'm here to rap the USA." That's how every rap should start. You also throw Superman into any rap. Superman rhymes really well. Superman. Yeah, I got teased about Superman's bus escape an hour ago. You know, if you throw Superman in.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  And beef au jus.

• 8:49Conan O'Brien?

  I like beef au jus.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  It's a lot of it.

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  Because I like to say, uh, you know, those bills will accrue. Um, and then you won't be able to afford your beef au jus, which was my favorite meal in high school.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:00Conan O'Brien?

  The cafeteria had beef au jus. It's a juicy beef.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  They're real hard lyrics.

• 9:04Conan O'Brien?

  Um, quiet. I mean, I respect, uh-oh, I'm getting a call right now from my, who do you think Rick Sell wants? That's my manager, Rick Rosen.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Oh, he really, I thought you were doing a bit and go, yeah, why don't you?

• 9:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, my agent, Rick Rosen. Maybe he's gonna let you know there's a rap. Hey, Rick? Rick, you're on right now. This is Rick Rosen. He's one of the biggest agents in Hollywood.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, hi, Rick.

• 9:23Conan O'Brien?

  And that's Sona and, uh, and Blaze back there and, and David. Rick, here's my question. Is it too late? Do you think they've locked in the Toy Story 5, um, soundtrack? Is that probably locked in already? Or do you think there's a chance I could do a song that would be in Toy Story 5?

• 9:39Speaker 01

  A rap.

• 9:39Conan O'Brien?

  A rap, a rap.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  I think, I think that if you were gonna sing a song, they'd erase the soundtrack that they have already locked in.

• 9:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah. So you're saying that if Randy Newman has already written like a great song? It's a tearjerker, but also a beautiful melody, because I love Randy Newman. And it's set, if I said, if you called them right now, you know, Disney, Pixar and said, "Conan wants to rap about the plot of Toy Story 5", they would delete, I don't mean just bump it, but delete what Randy Newman has done.

• 10:12Speaker 04

  I think they might even move the release date.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Oh, now we know why Rick's, we know why Rick's been around. We know why Rick's been around for a long time.

• 10:23Conan O'Brien?

  You know what, Rick, you're the best agent in the business. I can't, I'm so glad I took this call and, um, I'm gonna jump off now, but I will call you back when we're done wasting America's time. I'll, I'll call you right back.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  Bye, Rick.

• 10:34Conan O'Brien?

  Um.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 10:36Conan O'Brien?

  I just hung up on him. That's how big I am. One of our men. This guy runs Hollywood.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  He does.

• 10:42Conan O'Brien?

  And I just, and guess what? I now don't have an agent. Cause he's, that was fantastic.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  That was great.

• 10:49Conan O'Brien?

  That's why, that was perfect timing.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Surrounded by enablers.

• 10:52Conan O'Brien?

  I'm so, I'm, hey, hello Sona, how are you? You're my biggest enabler. Ha ha, good one boss.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  I know.

• 11:02Conan O'Brien?

  So anyway, that is the goal.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:04Conan O'Brien?

  The goal is, I want to rap, and I really wanna get into the weeds on the plot, cause that's my favorite thing, is when the rapper's like, "They gotta get the jewel, they gotta take it up to that mountain," you know what I mean? They've gotta meet Papa Smurf, do you know what I mean? And then they gotta go back in time, but remember, don't cross, do you know what I mean? Don't cross the, the, whatever, the Purple River.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:28Conan O'Brien?

  Because that means that, uh, what's another Smurf?

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Uh, Smurfette.

• 11:32Conan O'Brien?

  Don't say it like I'm an idiot.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Smurfette, you idiot, the girl one.

• 11:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well anyway.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  The one girl.

• 11:39Conan O'Brien?

  These are the obsessions that I have, they grip me, and what did I do, Eduardo? Why don't you testify? I come in hot today, and what did I make you do?

• 11:46Speaker 05

  You made me play Pitbull's Back in Time.

• 11:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and you know what I did? I had you advance it to where?

• 11:53Speaker 05

  Forty-four seconds.

• 11:54Conan O'Brien?

  I said, "Go forty-four seconds in," I said, "Start at forty-four seconds," because that's where Pitbull comes in with the rap. I don't wanna waste time not hearing Pitbull rap.

• 12:04Speaker 05

  Not only that.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  Conan texts me days in advance, warning me that he wants this to be the hype.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Forty-four, how do you know that? How, uh, do you listen to it in your car?

• 12:14Conan O'Brien?

  Well, yes.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Often?

• 12:15Conan O'Brien?

  Duh, that's such a big duh. You know what, I had to unlock my jaw to get this duh out. Like a snake, I had to unlock my jaw to push more duh out of my face. Yes, I heard Pitbull in a Blick's art supply store, right? That's right with a Blick. And, sorry, Blick, arts, whatever.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  If they're gonna give us free shit, you gotta give their right name.

• 12:38Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, who cares? They're lucky I'm talking about them. And, uh, and, and I, I hear it, I'm obsessed, I get in the car, I have to hear it some more, then I notice when, okay, I really like it when it starts right in on the, on the rapping with Pitbull, there's a big preamble that takes forty-four seconds before we get to hear about Miami, you gotta go back in time. He knows the exact seconds. No, I did, well, that's what I'm saying, I know exactly what second, so I said, and then I come in today.

• 13:09Speaker 05

  Verse two, you're like, wait, wait, verse two.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I know. What are you talking about?

• 13:15Speaker 06

  You played it three times in the car when we drove around yesterday.

• 13:19Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and I fooled David. So David was driving me around yesterday. I make him wear a chauffeur's cap, which I think is illegal. And I sit in the back of his... What is it? What kind of car do you drive?

• 13:28Speaker 06

  A Hyundai, yeah.

• 13:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I sit in the back of his Hyundai and I make him wear a tiny, tiny chauffeur's cap. It looks like a little yarmulke on his head. And it's got a little rubber band that holds it on his head. So I'm sitting in the back and I fooled you because I said... Because I've been playing with a band recently. And I said, "Oh, we worked out a really good tune and we have a recording of it." And he went, "Oh, really?" And I went, "Yeah, do you want to hear it? It's the first recording." And he went, "Yeah." And I started to play Pitbull's "Back in Time." And you, for a second, what did you think?

• 13:59Speaker 06

  I turned and I said, "You really recorded this with the band?"

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Oh, David.

• 14:02Speaker 06

  I don't know. I'm usually... I don't know what happened to me.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  You can't tell when Mr. Worldwide is rapping?

• 14:08Speaker 06

  Well, I knew it. I thought like he made the band play it.

• 14:10Conan O'Brien?

  No!

• 14:11Speaker 06

  And then he got me again later.

• 14:12Conan O'Brien?

  And then he started to hear the rap and it's Pitbull rapping. And he thought for a second, "I guess Conan could have done that."

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Oh, no. Oh, blasphemy.

• 14:22Speaker 06

  And then later he said, "Hey, can I plug my phone in? I've been really into this Tate McRae song."

• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 06

  And then he played it again.

• 14:28Conan O'Brien?

  And he went, "Oh, okay, I'd like to hear that." And then I hit, of course... What did I hit? Pitbull, "Back in Time." And blasted you again and you were like, "Why do I believe him?" I've got it. I really want to play this new Tate McRae song. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, you're David Hopping. All right, peace out. Let's get into it. Who am I? All right, we got enough of this. My guest today stars as Sal Saperstein in the Emmy award-winning Apple TV Plus series, "The Studio." He now has a new trivia podcast called Funny You Ask with new episodes every Wednesday. He's a very funny guy and I've always enjoyed him very much. And excited he's here today.

• 15:15Conan O'Brien?

  Ike Barinholtz, welcome.

• 15:21Conan O'Brien?

  I'm so happy you're here. You are a fine fellow, hilariously funny, and now we get to hang. Now, we had a brief interaction recently at a pizza restaurant, and I remembered saying, I think to the waiter, can you escort this man away?

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Yes, yes. I was there with my family. It was my daughter's birthday. And all I did was, I just gave Conan a wave across the restaurant. And we sat down. A couple minutes later, some of the staff came out and said, sir, you need to leave.

• 15:46Conan O'Brien?

  I signaled them.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, which was, it was...

• 15:49Conan O'Brien?

  And they took you away from your daughter.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 15:52Conan O'Brien?

  And then she started crying, and she said, why'd they take my daddy away? And I said, shut it!

• 15:59Speaker 02

  And now, whenever we see Conan on screen, my daughter goes daddy.

• 16:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  She points at him and then goes daddy, which is nice. I'm fine with it now, after a lot of ketamine therapy. I'm okay with it. I legitimately want to be your friend. I think a lot of phonies come on this show, and they say, oh, I want to be your friend, and they don't care.

• 16:17Conan O'Brien?

  They don't. And you know what? I try to follow up with a lot of them. I can't get through.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 16:22Conan O'Brien?

  No one wants to talk to me.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  I'm here because I truly want to be your friend, more so than these vipers.

• 16:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  These are not your friends. They are happy when you fail.

• 16:30Conan O'Brien?

  They are the little fish that grab onto the larger, more productive mammal and suck it of its life essence.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I won't suck your essence.

• 16:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, well, you will.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  No matter how much you ask.

• 16:41Conan O'Brien?

  If you want to get ahead in this business, you will suck my essence. It's the way it goes. Ike, we have a lot to talk about.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 16:52Conan O'Brien?

  And first of all, I'm a huge fan of the studio, and I love your work in the studio. You also have this new podcast, which is trivia-based, which I'm very excited about, because I know you to be a trivia maven.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  I am. I was gonna say maven, and you beat me to it.

• 17:09Conan O'Brien?

  You are a Jeopardy... Celebrity Jeopardy champ.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 17:14Conan O'Brien?

  You won a million dollars for charity, of which I'm told you took $600,000.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  Well, you know the phrase, you gotta wet your beak?

• 17:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. The charity got money.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  They got paid. They're fine.

• 17:28Conan O'Brien?

  It was for, I think pediatric oncology. And you took $600,000.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  First of all, if you said to someone, "I want to give you $400,000," that sounds pretty great, right? Let's leave that there. I have an infrastructure. I have business. I have people that I have to pay to make sure that I'm able to get to Jeopardy.

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you talk that way, Ike, but when I saw you at the pizza restaurant in Santa Barbara, I did notice when you left, because I made you leave, that you got into a very expensive Bugatti. And the license plate was "Number 4 Charity."

• 18:09Speaker 02

  That's, when I say I'm playing for charity, you don't specify it. Did I get a Bugatti that has four cars for my family? Yes. We drive up and down Montecito. You see, everyone's seen a motorcycle with a pod.

• 18:23Conan O'Brien?

  I've seen you.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  A pod here, a pod here, a pod in the back, and a pod in front. So a family of five.

• 18:27Conan O'Brien?

  They're all lashed. It's smaller Bugattis attached to the larger Bugatti. And they're lashed together, so they take up both lanes.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:35Conan O'Brien?

  Oncoming. So cars have to, he has a, you have a car that goes ahead of you.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, we have a follow car. You have a follow car. You don't have a follow car?

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you have a follow car that goes ahead of you and lays down orange cones to keep people off the road.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  This is why I need money to pay these people. They don't work for free.

• 18:51Conan O'Brien?

  You motherfucker. That's what I, all I wanted to say was to get, Ike, parents told her, who's, everyone's like, "Oh, he's so funny. He's such a good guy." Ripped off this charity in the name of Charity Jeopardy. Ridiculous.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  I also won a million dollars on Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

• 19:07Conan O'Brien?

  That's true.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I've done two celebrity.

• 19:10Conan O'Brien?

  How much money? And you got to keep all that money?

• 19:12Speaker 02

  That money went straight to me, baby. No, that was, they both, everything went to charity. Every dime went to charity, unfortunately.

• 19:19Conan O'Brien?

  This has kept me off these charity shows. I won't, I, I, I'm sorry. It has, I'm gonna be, I'm sorry. I can't do it. I can't do it. I work hard. I don't want to go on Celebrity Jeopardy if I'm not getting a major piece of that dough. And that's just been my policy since day one. You know?

• 19:38Speaker 01

  I do think you would do a good job on it.

• 19:40Conan O'Brien?

  I think it keeps charitable organizations, they get soft if they just get the money. Do you know what I mean?

• 19:45Speaker 02

  They gotta work for it. They gotta earn it.

• 19:47Conan O'Brien?

  And it'll make them stronger. Anyway, this may be an unpopular stance. And if anyone thinks that I'm on the wrong track here, feel free to let us know on I don't care dot org.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  It is good that you guys got organizational status for that. That is, to me, that's reeks of dot com. But you guys did the paperwork. You paid the fees and now it's an organization.

• 20:11Conan O'Brien?

  We didn't pay all the fee, but okay. Listen, we could screw around with this all day and it'd make me very happy.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:17Conan O'Brien?

  But so much to talk about. We have points of commonality here, and that's always a good place to start, which is my interest in comedy really began with my dad. And I know that similar dynamic with you, growing up Chicago area, right?

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Big comedy house. Mom and dad, both. Loved SCTV, loved Saturday Night Live. And in some of my earliest, loved Taxi. I remember like my first memory was them watching Taxi and thinking like Jim was funny. And but there is something about them laughing that it's very nurturing. Yeah, that's why, because I don't want my kids to be in comedy, we don't laugh at all in the house. We watch serious documentaries.

• 21:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I, I watch comedy, but I wear an iron mask so they can't see that I'm laughing.

• 21:08Conan O'Brien?

  And so I've watched some of the funniest stuff wearing an iron mask.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  They're watching Step Brothers in just a full mask.

• 21:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, just a full mask.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  No gesticulation.

• 21:16Conan O'Brien?

  I've painted, well, actually, I didn't paint it, I'll admit to that. I had a very good artist paint a frown on the iron mask so that, yeah. Cause I don't, it's the same thing.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 21:26Conan O'Brien?

  I want them both working for the, any kind of electric company.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Yes, that's steady, good, steady work.

• 21:30Conan O'Brien?

  Working for the power grid.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Everyone needs power.

• 21:32Conan O'Brien?

  So you're watching your parents laugh and then you get this jolt. And one of the cool things about your story is that you very literally then pulled your dad, as you had success, as you've had success over the years, you have taken your dad along and, and given him his chance. Cause he didn't go into comedy. My dad was a research scientist, doctor.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Nerd.

• 21:56Conan O'Brien?

  Researcher, nerd.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  I'm sorry. I apologize, I apologize.

• 22:01Conan O'Brien?

  He told me he was a jock.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sorry, guys.

• 22:04Conan O'Brien?

  But he said it as he was holding a microscope and wearing very short Bermuda shorts.

• 22:11Conan O'Brien?

  That's when I knew. When someone tells you, and he didn't say jock, he said, "I'm a real jockster." So I suspected that wasn't the case.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  My dad wanted to be in comedy, and he auditioned for Second City when he was really young. And then it was just like too hard, and my mom was pregnant, and he was like, "I'm just gonna go to law school. Let's go to law school and become an attorney and have steady work." And then he kind of took me to see my first improv show, and I remember seeing like Amy Poehler, Chris Farley, Tim Meadows in particular was so funny that I was like, "I wanna do this." And then years later, my brother did it, and our dad was watching from the outside, looking, he was watching from the inside looking out. And, long story short, he, a couple of years ago, got a call to put himself on tape for a random show where they needed a judge, and that became jury duty. And now he is an LA-based actor.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  He's doing a movie right now with Jennifer Garner. Oh my god! And it's pretty wonderful.

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  His career has far outstripped yours.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Oh, me and my brother are in his shadow.

• 23:15Conan O'Brien?

  And the reason you're here today is he canceled.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, that's what it was.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  He was the big gap.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  That's what it was, okay, all right, I get it.

• 23:22Conan O'Brien?

  Alan is your dad, right?

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Alan is my dad.

• 23:24Conan O'Brien?

  And so, what's so cool is that, and working on The Studio, he played a part in The Studio, didn't he have a cameo?

• 23:32Speaker 02

  He played the projectionist on The Studio. I know you're a fan of The Studio because I, like, everyone was destroyed when we lost Catherine O'Hara.

• 23:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  And she had this memorial service, and my family and I were appropriately in Canada that weekend, so we couldn't go. And I talked to Seth Rogen when I got back, I was like, "How was it?" He goes, "It was really beautiful, it was really sad." Conan came up to me, and he said, "She was incredible in the show."

• 23:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  "If you're replacing her, I would like to be considered."

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Oh, Conan.

• 24:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I did. I did. And I was...

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 24:06Conan O'Brien?

  I was, yeah. And I, I thought it was...

• 24:08Speaker 01

  God.

• 24:09Conan O'Brien?

  I had, it was the memorial and I had an eight by 10. And it had the quad split of me as a nerd.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  On a safari.

• 24:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, on a safari. Me as an ice cream vendor.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Ice cream vendors are real niche, real specific.

• 24:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And Seth said, "I don't think this is the right time."

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's an...

• 24:28Conan O'Brien?

  And I said, "When is the right time? Would later today be okay?" So that was, that's on me.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  That is on you. Um, but they're still trying to figure it out, so...

• 24:39Conan O'Brien?

  The season's done. I get mistaken for a woman a lot, so that's in my favor.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  I live in this neighborhood, so I see you, I remember I was, I was at my vet one time, and I saw you walking down the street and there was a guy in front of you who clearly worked with you, and you were slapping him on the shoulder as hard as you could.

• 24:59Conan O'Brien?

  That would be a writer.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  That would be a writer. It's like shaking.

• 25:02Conan O'Brien?

  That would be either Mike Sweeney or Matt O'Brien.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  I think it was Matt O'Brien.

• 25:06Conan O'Brien?

  I have certain writers, and Matt O'Brien in particular, no relation. I tell everyone, "He was my cousin and I had to hire him," even though he's not funny. And he's a brilliant writer. He's really funny. He's no relation. It's just such a common last name. But I'm very comfortable, uh, giving him a physical beating.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:23Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh...

• 25:24Speaker 02

  I'm very tactile too. I touch people. I, I kind of grab my friends and...

• 25:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I, I grew up with a lot of, uh, there's a lot of, uh, grabbing, wrestling in growing up.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Irish Catholics and Jews are both tactile. Like, we like to touch.

• 25:38Conan O'Brien?

  I like to get my hands on, uh, consenting males.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 25:43Conan O'Brien?

  Um, yeah, that covers it for the law.

• 25:47Conan O'Brien?

  I think I'm okay now.

• 25:55Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 25:58Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 26:13Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from U.S. News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:30Conan O'Brien?

  Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 26:46Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 27:21Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that 1 in 4 Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:25Conan O'Brien?

  You fell for one.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 27:27Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  I did lose, and it was very inconvenient, and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 27:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I don't know where they got that impression. Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:56Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 27:58Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 28:00Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. One accidental click, Sona can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 28:12Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live, U.S.-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from First Alert To full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 28:24Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 28:32Conan O'Brien?

  Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 28:43Conan O'Brien?

  Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, like all the time.

• 28:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I did that with an all potato restaurant.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 28:54Conan O'Brien?

  Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Sean?

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, all the time.

• 29:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that. Bullspend.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Bullspend.

• 29:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, instead, you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 29:13Conan O'Brien?

  Cut the bullspend. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/conan. Terms apply.

• 29:30Conan O'Brien?

  Well, here's the thing, because you talk about comedy and these influences, but I do love the studio. And then I heard you talking a while ago about how much The Larry Sanders Show meant to you, and I thought, oh, this is interesting to me because I loved The Larry Sanders Show. And there's a similarity in between Larry Sanders and the studio. They're both about the business, and there are specific ways, if you're in show business, that you can pick apart certain things and say, well, that's not really how it is. And for me, watching Larry Sanders back when I was doing a late night show, and there was one writer on the show.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Right, right, right, right.

• 30:08Conan O'Brien?

  And Larry would be-

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Wallace Langham.

• 30:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I would see things that if you're in it, you can pick apart, but those are irrelevant because they're getting the essential soul of it right.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Also, I think too, if you did like an exact version of what it's like, it would be kind of boring.

• 30:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  Right? It would be like, it's like, oh, we're in a car. We're driving to the lot and we're going to talk to a director. And in real life, they show up, they say hi for a few minutes and then they leave. But we want people to watch it.

• 30:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. And also, I always wanna believe when I'm backstage that there will be showgirls, two people in a horse costume.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Yes, classic.

• 30:45Conan O'Brien?

  And I wanted to do a late night show that had that backstage.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:50Conan O'Brien?

  So that almost influenced what kind of comedy we did. I wanted horse costumes, I wanted people dressed as soldiers.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Masturbating bears.

• 30:58Conan O'Brien?

  I wanted masturbating bears. I wanted all that shit backstage, you know?

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Shut up Brian Stack, by the way.

• 31:04Conan O'Brien?

  Brian Stack.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien, legend, Brian Stack.

• 31:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:08Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, he is, and you know what? I had a very sweet moment with Stephen Colbert, uh, cause Brian Stack, one of the great all-time writers and writer performers on my show, who did so many great characters and was so prolific and was such a voice of the show. Um, he went to work for Stephen Colbert after we shut our thing down and, um, has done great work for him for many years. I went, this is a couple of months ago, I'm in New York, I call Steve and he says, "Come on by," and I went and I'm hanging out in Stephen's office and we're chatting for a long time about different things, late night, war stories. And then he had to get to rehearsal and that he was gonna show me out or have his, uh, his assistant show me out.

• 31:50Conan O'Brien?

  And so we leave his office and there's a flat screen up and on the screen, they're rehearsing a comedy piece and it's Brian Stack wearing a ridiculous costume.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 32:00Conan O'Brien?

  With his wife, Miriam, incredibly talented.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Amazing actress.

• 32:03Conan O'Brien?

  Miriam, uh, and incredible actress, really funny and such a great, uh, uh, such a big part of our late night show as well. They're both on screen going like, "Now you listen here, blah, blah, blah." And they're wearing ridiculous costumes and I'm looking at it and I realize, I was looking at that in 1993.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:20Conan O'Brien?

  On the screen as I went down to my late night show. Here it is, 2025 at the time and nothing's changed. Now you listen here, I'm gonna tell you right now. You know, we're the watermelon heads or whatever. And Colbert and I just lost it. Like, there's no escaping that face on a rehearsal cam and it will exist forever. But I have to talk to you about this.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 32:46Conan O'Brien?

  You had this experience.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 32:48Conan O'Brien?

  Because you...

• 32:49Speaker 02

  A threesome.

• 32:49Conan O'Brien?

  You...

• 32:50Speaker 02

  No, no. Yeah.

• 32:53Conan O'Brien?

  It says here a sixsum.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Well, there was, there was two of them.

• 32:56Conan O'Brien?

  You had a threesome twice. I see you had a threesome twice, guy.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Different days, separated by many hours.

• 33:00Conan O'Brien?

  The math, okay.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:01Conan O'Brien?

  It says here six cocks.

• 33:04Conan O'Brien?

  Six cocks. You know what I love? My research. Says here, six cocks.

• 33:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, six cocks. No, it's three cocks, six, three veg, okay.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Oh, God!

• 33:15Conan O'Brien?

  I'm telling you what hap-

• 33:17Speaker 02

  Your researcher is incredibly base.

• 33:19Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and they're-

• 33:20Speaker 02

  I have to say. Yeah, three cocks, yeah, three veg.

• 33:22Conan O'Brien?

  Drawings, too.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Let me see. Oh, that is me. That is me. Okay, I take it back. The guy's working hard.

• 33:28Conan O'Brien?

  You're giving, uh, high-fiving the cameraman, um-

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Well, it's my dad. He's my friend. And, and he also happens to be doing a great job.

• 33:40Conan O'Brien?

  Get it, son, get it.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Just like I told him.

• 33:45Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? Tell Alan that he's mentioned in the podcast.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Gotta listen to the whole way.

• 33:50Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta listen to the whole thing. When you get to the sixsum, where you're filming me-

• 33:55Speaker 02

  And you're listening with mom, just do me a favor and be like, uh, I'm losing the signal or something.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  Plus 15 twice.

• 34:02Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know what happened there. Did they say sixsum? No, no.

• 34:08Conan O'Brien?

  He said Rexum.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Rexum.

• 34:10Conan O'Brien?

  Rexum.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  They talked about Ryan Reynolds' football team.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  It's wrong with you.

• 34:17Conan O'Brien?

  What's wrong? What's wrong with me? It's him. He's the one that did it.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  I went there. I went there.

• 34:21Conan O'Brien?

  So, the, um, there's this thing that I heard about, uh, years and years ago, one of the early, early travel things I did, travel shows I did, was I went to, I can't remember, I think it was related to some kind of promotion. They were gonna have our late night show appear in some European markets. They asked me to go to Amsterdam. And I also think maybe Cologne, Germany. And so, I traveled there and thought, well, we should record this. So, we're in Amsterdam, and I only found out later on that there, I think I was stopped by someone on the street who said, hey, Conan, we're a bunch of Americans who are doing improv, uh, which was how I began, was in improv, not stand-up.

• 35:03Conan O'Brien?

  Um, he said, we're doing improv, uh, here in Amsterdam, can you stop by? And I remember it saying, I'll try to, and then I couldn't, because we were busy shooting all this stuff. And also, I just didn't wanna go. Um, which I didn't, I didn't have to mention. Why do that? Why not just say I was too busy?

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Well, no, but I get it. You're in a foreign country, you're working, saying to someone, you wanna watch some improv is, it can be a tall order, especially for someone who's done improv. But it was very mean what you said. Please continue.

• 35:30Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm remembering now how not busy I was.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Well, now you're just gilding the mean lily, I would say.

• 35:37Conan O'Brien?

  No, I had my researcher put my schedule in. Two whole days of nothing to do in Amsterdam.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  In 1999.

• 35:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, just nothing, nothing. It's a tundra, it's a vast.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  All I have is wake up and see The Matrix.

• 35:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:55Conan O'Brien?

  See The Matrix twice, it says. And then, question mark, question mark, nothing else to do.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  They wrote that down?

• 36:03Conan O'Brien?

  I did not have, I didn't have time to go do it, but then I later found out from Seth Meyers that he was part of that troupe at that time. And I'm thinking, I wish I had gone by and met everybody because that'd be cool.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:18Conan O'Brien?

  And, and see what they were up to. And it's this thing called Boom Chicago that's in Amsterdam, and you did this.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Yes, I replaced Seth, basically.

• 36:28Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  Right, like, it was, it was like 1994, like, these three American guys are backpacking through Europe, and they love Amsterdam. And they're like, this is the best city, the comedy is terrible. The comedy scene in Amsterdam at the time was still like old European cabaret stuff, where it's like, you know, Hans and Yope, and in the second act, he will wear a dress.

• 36:49Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  And it was like, what the fuck?

• 36:51Conan O'Brien?

  It always ends with, let's go buy some wooden shoes.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 36:54Conan O'Brien?

  It was the blow to every sketch.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  A lot of clogs, a lot of clogs, very clog heavy. And so they're like, what if we opened a second city style theater that was some sketch, some music, some improv and stuff? And at first, it was just like, like, five or six of them in the back of a bar. I believe Miriam Flynn was one of the, or Tolan was one of the first ones, rather.

• 37:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, later Miriam Stack.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Later Miriam Stack. And by the time I got there, it was like a big theater, like, like, it was like a 250, 300 seat dinner theater. And the appeal, if you were in Chicago, for me was like, oh, you don't need a day job anymore. Because I had a horrible day job that was killing me. And then at night, I would do improv. And to go, I'd never been to Europe, I was 22 years old, and I went and I had a threesome every day. I was there for two years. That's like seven, that's like 21,000 sexual experiences. Yeah, a lot of cocks. With all different people, a lot of cocks, a lot of cocks.

• 37:52Conan O'Brien?

  You know, once you're in it, it doesn't matter.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  This was, this was in the 90s.

• 37:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, different time.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:59Conan O'Brien?

  Different time.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it was, but it was incredible. I got there and I learned how to perform big. Because in Chicago, I was doing a ton of improv in Chicago and in Chicago, you can kind of, you can score without having to go big in Chicago. You can come in and drop a really funny reference. You can play like kind of a cool character and you're in a small room, you're gonna get a big laugh. But going there and having to perform for people who don't speak English necessarily, or don't understand your reference base at all.

• 38:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  That taught me how to, I think, like be bigger and kind of perform for, for the masses.

• 38:36Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I, when I was 22, senior in college and about to graduate, I knew, I was like, I want to do stand-up, but I'm very interested in improv. And a lot of people in 1985, I would say, I want to do improv. They didn't know what it was. And so I wrote a letter to Solins.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Oh, Bernie Solins.

• 38:58Conan O'Brien?

  Bernie Solins. I, I found out the name Bernie Solins. I wrote a letter. And it was this very formal, I wish I had a copy of it, but it was a very formal typed letter that said, "Dear Mr. Solins, my name's Conan O'Brien and I've been, you know, President Lampoon and I've done all this work in comedy and I wish now to do improv and I would like to come to Chicago. Is there a way I could join your troupe?" I didn't know about the classes. I didn't know.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  Right.

• 39:21Conan O'Brien?

  And I basically got like a form letter back that said, I was, I was asking basically, can I come be a part of the show as opposed to can I move to Chicago, start taking classes and try and work my way in? I just didn't know what it was all about. I got sort of a form letter back saying, that's not really how it works.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  Bernie Solins just took some of his cigar ashes in an envelope. And I go, Bernie Solins has a famous line where they were, he was directing a Second City show or something and someone was pitching a sketch and another actor was like, "Yeah, but we kind of did a version of this sketch in the last show. It's kind of the same joke." And Bernie Solins goes, "Look, there's seven jokes."

• 39:59Speaker 02

  And it's all about how you tell them.

• 40:01Conan O'Brien?

  Seven jokes.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like, there's only seven real jokes.

• 40:04Conan O'Brien?

  I thought there were only five.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  It's Chicago, in Chicago, we have a couple of extra bonus ones.

• 40:09Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, right. Uh, sausage and then, uh, yeah. Heart attacks. The Cubs.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, the Cubs.

• 40:14Conan O'Brien?

  Ditka, Ditka and then sausage.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Big one.

• 40:17Conan O'Brien?

  But I, uh, yeah, I was intrigued by that. And so when you guys talk about, I mean, it didn't exist when I was going there, but the idea of being 22 and living in Amsterdam and doing comedy, I would go, I almost want to do that now.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  You can.

• 40:34Conan O'Brien?

  Like, I, at, at my age, I, I would want to go and do it now because...

• 40:39Speaker 02

  I can make one phone call and you will be in the Boom Chicago cast. They would be thrilled to have you.

• 40:44Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 40:45Speaker 02

  They're gonna have to fire one of the younger current cast members, but the juice is worth the squeeze.

• 40:50Conan O'Brien?

  I was gonna say that same saying, and then I realized I don't know what it means.

• 40:56Conan O'Brien?

  And I've never heard of it before, and that's why I didn't say it.

• 41:01Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's funny when someone who's established in their career and old, very old and has, like, really is set financially, goes and takes work away from young people.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  It's the funniest thing you could do.

• 41:13Conan O'Brien?

  That's funny to me.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  It's funny, and it's a good life lesson for them.

• 41:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Work hard or not, it doesn't matter. Someone more famous and rich might come in and take your shit anyways.

• 41:22Conan O'Brien?

  Like Conan O'Brien can come in and go, "This, hey, you know what? This amuses me."

• 41:28Speaker 02

  "Great job you got here. Would be a shame if something happened to it like I took it."

• 41:33Conan O'Brien?

  "I'm gonna live in the fanciest house in Amsterdam."

• 41:36Speaker 02

  "It's on a, my house is on a boat."

• 41:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, "I'm gonna have a big boathouse and I'm gonna drop by and do some bad improv, and you can fucking hit the road."

• 41:47Conan O'Brien?

  This is, I'm so happy with all these life choices I'm making here. Well, I think that just sounds fantastic.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  It was so much fun and it was a great group. It was, you know, Seth Meyers, I kind of replaced him, but he would come back a lot. His brother Josh Meyers was there, Jordan Peele was there, Jason Sudeikis, Liz Kukowski, Kate Cannon, Jill Benjamin, all these great performers were there. And it was a really great time, too. It was 99, 2000. It was before the Euro. So we used to have the gilder. You were on the Dutch gilder and it was two gilders to a dollar.

• 42:20Conan O'Brien?

  Isn't that crazy? I picture you guys having leather pouches with gold coins in them.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  We had leather pouches.

• 42:25Conan O'Brien?

  And you'd be paid by someone tossing you a leather pouch and you'd catch it.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  That was basically what it was.

• 42:30Conan O'Brien?

  Tie it to your saddlebag and go.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  Get on our mule and go back to our village. It was beautiful. It was really beautiful. It was this special time for you.

• 42:38Conan O'Brien?

  Nice show today, tonight. Here's a sack of gilders.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  But we still go back. I took my family there last year and it's, Amsterdam is an amazing city. Really one of the greatest cities in the world. I love it. And that has nothing to do with the abundant legal drugs. That's a separate thing that I love. That has nothing to do with the charm and feel of the city.

• 43:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:02Conan O'Brien?

  And the drugs, you know.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  The drugs are good.

• 43:04Conan O'Brien?

  Which we have now in Los Angeles.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  I know.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Do you guys have any here?

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Uh, I do have some.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Should we do some mushrooms now? Do you ever do that? Do you ever microdose? Do you ever do any of that now?

• 43:14Conan O'Brien?

  I don't really.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  For, for like any moral reasons or you're just like on that point of it?

• 43:19Conan O'Brien?

  It was not, uh, no, nothing. I make, I don't have any moral judgment about it at all. I really don't. I just didn't ever feel like it was my thing and mostly I've been spending a lifetime trying to understand my mind. So the idea of throwing some cuckoo juice in there didn't appeal to me as much.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  What if I told you?

• 43:41Conan O'Brien?

  Putting in an accelerant or anything weird thing in there always felt to me like, no, no, no. I'm, it's everything I can do to get this thing to settle down.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  What if I told you by doing it, it could help you understand your mind deeper?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:55Conan O'Brien?

  What if I don't want to understand it?

• 43:58Speaker 02

  What if I'm happy with this level of understanding?

• 44:00Conan O'Brien?

  Trying to get to the grave.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  God.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  My god.

• 44:07Conan O'Brien?

  I look at the grave the way a tired person looks at a well-made bed. I just wanna pull up the soil around me and go, "Nah, nah."

• 44:17Speaker 02

  Soon, my love, soon.

• 44:19Conan O'Brien?

  Soon, the grave beckons. The grave.

• 44:25Conan O'Brien?

  This is your fault. You know what? I blame Ike. I really do. I blame you.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  I blame you too.

• 44:30Conan O'Brien?

  Because you're an accelerant for this kind of foolishness.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  I am. I am.

• 44:34Conan O'Brien?

  I wanna make sure that I, because we could do this for thousands of hours, you and I, which is the lovely part of having you here, but I wanna...

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Which is why I should be your friend. Because I know some of your friends in real life, and I'm better than them.

• 44:49Conan O'Brien?

  And guess what? I know what you're talking about. I would rather swap out.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Right, when I say his name on the count of three. One, two, three. Paul Rudd.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Here's what I'm gonna say about Paul Rudd. He's richer, he's more famous, he's funnier, he's better looking. I am younger, and I am more loyal.

• 45:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  To my friends.

• 45:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. Also, you know, Paul Rudd, and if you're listening, Paul, I'm speaking directly to you. He comes and goes with the tide. When Paul's tide is up, you know what I mean?

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:18Conan O'Brien?

  I don't hear from him.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:20Conan O'Brien?

  You know, but God forbid there's a setback or a movie that doesn't quite hit.

• 45:24Speaker 02

  Then he comes running back.

• 45:26Conan O'Brien?

  He comes running back. He's like, "Hey, Conan, Conan, what are you doing? What are you doing, Conan? What are you doing, Conan? What are you doing?" But then the second things start to hit again for Paul, as they always do, because he's just doesn't age and he's perpetually successful, then he's gone again.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  You won't have that problem with me. Nothing hits.

• 45:40Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  I will always be there. I'm a loyal, I'm a loyal friend.

• 45:44Conan O'Brien?

  You're, you know what? Your career is consistently ice cold.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  Just, just, yeah, it's just never interesting or good, and that's why I'm...

• 45:53Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, no. Ice cold, ice cold.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 45:56Conan O'Brien?

  Frozen, frozen. Just absolutely frozen.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

• 46:01Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I know, you got, oh, I got a Critics' Choice Award for my character in The Street. And I bet you did.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  I brought it.

• 46:07Conan O'Brien?

  He came in. Did you see what he was wearing when he came in? He had his Critics' Choice Award made into a necklace.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  It was like, yeah.

• 46:14Conan O'Brien?

  And he had it, and it was like...

• 46:16Speaker 02

  It was like 26 pounds, by the way.

• 46:17Conan O'Brien?

  It's a heavy necklace. Yeah. Crank, hard thing. Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Uh, listen, I'm just saying...

• 46:21Conan O'Brien?

  It was like Flavor Flav's clock. And he's, that shows the kids I know what time it is.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  You were just about to get the word out on whatever project. They just started shitting on him, sorry.

• 46:33Conan O'Brien?

  I was about to, I know, I was about to do the professional part. We have to take a second here and acknowledge you're hilarious as Sal Saperstein in the studio. You were so funny in that role. And it's funny because you had a very specific idea for who this guy is. And I know there are a bunch of execs, many execs come to you and say, "Oh, that's based on me, isn't it?"

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:56Conan O'Brien?

  Because, yes, they're all self-involved, but they all see themselves in what you've created with Sal.

• 47:01Speaker 02

  Which says a lot about them, by the way.

• 47:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  There is definitely times where there's guys and ladies that I know who are studio execs, who will say that, like, "Oh, you stole that from me." I'm like, "Yes." And then there's some that are like, "I know you got that from me." And I'm like, "I didn't."

• 47:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  I'm struggling to remember your name right now.

• 47:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  But I did not take that from you. But I think people see what they want in the part. And it's really based a lot off of my friend Eric Byers, who's an executive at Universal, except for he doesn't do drugs and is very responsible.

• 47:32Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  But they love the, some of them love, the work isn't exciting, making the movies exciting, but they want to, "Where are we going to dinner afterwards?" And that's like my cornerstone of like, "Where are we gonna go to dinner?" "Where are we going to dinner tonight?"

• 47:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's me too.

• 47:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, dinner isn't for, I mean, it's not even noon yet. Let me do this. And I eat, I'm, I'm from Madrid, so I eat at 10 o'clock at night. And I always, I always have.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  I'm forgetting that you were born and raised, you immigrated here when you were 19.

• 48:02Conan O'Brien?

  I have the face of Madrid on, look at my face, it's so Madrid.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  You're real.

• 48:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, no, but it's always 10 o'clock at night, it's always paella. That's what, yeah.

• 48:14Conan O'Brien?

  Always ten, always paella.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  I just got back from Italy, by the way. We were shooting the studio in Venice for two weeks.

• 48:20Conan O'Brien?

  How great is that?

• 48:22Speaker 02

  It was amazing.

• 48:24Conan O'Brien?

  That is an experience you're having that makes me so jealous that you'd be part of something where they'd say, "Your job is to go live in Venice."

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:32Conan O'Brien?

  And, yeah, you're working, but then I'm sure there are times where you're not working and it's time to go watch someone blow glass and drink really good wine.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  So just be like, "This is Venice Beach."

• 48:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, fuck!

• 48:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. They had me standing and motoring off Lincoln.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Also, you have a travel show.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  I don't know what you're talking about. You've traveled all over the world.

• 48:52Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I just remembered who I am.

• 48:55Conan O'Brien?

  I thought I was Gallagher 2, which is Gallagher's brother, who I think is dead.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  One of them is not with us anymore.

• 49:02Conan O'Brien?

  I think neither one is with us now.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  They both went.

• 49:05Conan O'Brien?

  I think Gallagher 2 went to mourn Gallagher and fell into the grave.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  This just sets up Gallagher 3. This is finally his time to shine.

• 49:13Conan O'Brien?

  Then Gallagher 3 was there and was like, "I should probably pay my respects." No!

• 49:18Speaker 02

  Watermelon explodes out of the grave.

• 49:23Conan O'Brien?

  No, what I'm saying is, I guess what I'm thinking about is when I do these travel shows, it's go, go, go all the time. But if I was playing a part and they said, "We don't need you" for six hours, that would be very different.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  There was a couple of times-

• 49:38Conan O'Brien?

  That never happens on the travel show.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  There was a couple of times where I was not needed and I gotta go explore Venice and I saw them blowing the glass and I went and drank a ton of spritzes. I had dinner, I had dinner with Michael Keaton.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Oh!

• 49:50Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  It's a big one.

• 49:51Conan O'Brien?

  Was he there as part of the show?

• 49:53Speaker 02

  He was sitting with his girlfriend at a different table and I was sitting next to them and I kept saying, "Michael, it's Ike from the studio." And he didn't acknowledge me at any point, but we were in the same restaurant.

• 50:02Conan O'Brien?

  This is the same thing you did to me at the pizza restaurant.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Well, no, you actively said, "I want him gone." Michael completely ignored me the entire time.

• 50:11Conan O'Brien?

  Good, good.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  Like, I was, and I was next to them.

• 50:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know what it's called in LA when someone's bothering you at a table? The bearin' holtz.

• 50:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, the other day, I was at an In-N-Out, and I'm just trying to enjoy my shake, and this guy gave me the full Baron Holt. I didn't know who the fuck he was. I was trying to say it was Michael Keaton.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Hey, Conan, Conan, remember me? I was in Batman.

• 50:30Conan O'Brien?

  And I was like, what are you giving me the Baron Holt's for?

• 50:32Speaker 02

  I'm trying to enjoy my shake.

• 50:34Conan O'Brien?

  I'm trying to sit at a table alone and enjoy my shake at In-N-Out, and you're giving me the full Baron Holt's. Do you remem-- I mean, this is who you are.

• 50:44Speaker 02

  This is my namesake, and I'm fine with that. And it's something that my daughters will have to kind of carry with them throughout their lifetime.

• 50:51Conan O'Brien?

  Wasn't even booked today, and he comes in and gives us the full Baron Holt's.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  I'm here. I'm here. Good luck getting rid of me now. I'm part of the show now.

• 50:59Conan O'Brien?

  He lives here.

• 51:02Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus. I want to talk about this new project.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 51:06Conan O'Brien?

  You love trivia.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  I love trivia.

• 51:08Conan O'Brien?

  You've always loved trivia. You're very good at trivia, as you've proven on these different shows.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Are you good at trivia?

• 51:14Conan O'Brien?

  I-- here's the thing about me. I don't-- I know, I think I have a-- my brain knows a lot of different strange things it shouldn't know. But I don't have command of it.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Let's find out.

• 51:24Conan O'Brien?

  Meaning, I don't think I could just go bang, bang, bang.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Let's find out, because I brought some--

• 51:29Conan O'Brien?

  Because I don't recall, you know?

• 51:31Speaker 01

  That's not true. You would be-- you'd crush it at trivia.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Here we go. So this is just Trivial Pursuit. I think this is like Genius 3. So I'm just gonna run through these. What city's Lord and Taylor boasts the Wanamaker Grand, the second-largest pipe organ in the world?

• 51:49Speaker 02

  I think I know this.

• 51:50Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know this at all. Wait, say it again. What's--

• 51:53Speaker 02

  What city's Lord and Taylor boasts the Wanamaker Grand, the second-largest pipe organ in the world?

• 52:01Conan O'Brien?

  I have no idea.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  I'm almost sure it's Chicago, because my Aunt Libby used to work at Lord and Taylor.

• 52:05Conan O'Brien?

  Well, well, okay, so the guy from Chicago picks a Chicago question.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Actually, I was wrong. It's Philadelphia.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Okay. What hip-hop mogul mused, "I feel safe in white because, deep down inside, I'm an angel"?

• 52:17Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I'm gonna have to go with Flavor Flav.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  Uh, is--

• 52:20Conan O'Brien?

  Just because we came up earlier.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  That came up earlier? No, the answer is a dear friend of mine, Sean Puffy Combs?

• 52:26Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you are in a documentary.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, but just for a minute.

• 52:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, giving him the advice, whatever you're doing, do it some more.

• 52:39Speaker 02

  Who became the first-

• 52:40Conan O'Brien?

  Look at him move on. Anyway, next question.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  We'll get out of that part.

• 52:44Conan O'Brien?

  Next question.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  I don't know, Lauren Taylor, Sean Puffy Combs. Who became the first female British royal to walk instead of ride in the family- in a family funeral procession in 2002?

• 52:57Conan O'Brien?

  2002?

• 52:58Speaker 02

  Female royal.

• 53:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it's not Fergie, we know that.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  It ain't Fergie, cuz she hates walking.

• 53:05Conan O'Brien?

  That's just a little fun fact I know about her.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  In 2002, she was on tour with the Black Eyed Peas. It's not her. It's definitely not her.

• 53:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. But she is a royal.

• 53:13Speaker 02

  She is a royal.

• 53:14Conan O'Brien?

  Half the people in the Black Eyed Peas.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't know her at all.

• 53:17Conan O'Brien?

  A royal pain in the ass, if you know what I'm talking about. Uh, let's see, which royal is, uh... Well, it wouldn't be Queen Elizabeth, there's no way she's breaking tradition. She's very traditional.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  You think she's gonna get on a horse? Oh no, she's walking instead of riding in the procession. She ain't walking anyway.

• 53:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, she ain't walking, and Anne isn't walking.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  I think Anne's walking.

• 53:36Conan O'Brien?

  You think Anne's walking?

• 53:37Speaker 01

  I think Anne's a walker.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  The answer is Princess Anne.

• 53:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah! Incredible.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 53:44Speaker 02

  How many-

• 53:45Conan O'Brien?

  These are terrible questions.

• 53:46Speaker 02

  This is Trivial Pursuits question. How many of every six stutterers are male?

• 53:51Speaker 01

  All.

• 53:52Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm gonna go with, uh, five.

• 53:54Speaker 02

  Five is the answer? What, do you know that? What, are you like a stuttering enthusiast? Uh, which Grand Slam singles title had Monica Seles failed to win during the 20th century? Which one did she not win?

• 54:09Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you have first of all to know all of them.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  I'm just gonna say Australian Open.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Australian Open.

• 54:14Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna say US Open.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Wimbledon, last question.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  God damn it!

• 54:18Speaker 02

  What, this is about a friend of yours. What hugely successful video was Joe Francis inspired to make after viewing a flasher tape sent in for his banned from television video? This is your dear friend, Joe Francis.

• 54:32Conan O'Brien?

  We are not friends.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  Former business partners.

• 54:36Conan O'Brien?

  Business partners.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 54:38Conan O'Brien?

  I saw what he was doing and I wanted in financially, in a big way. And then I did everything I could to provide moral support.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  He made a lot of money.

• 54:46Conan O'Brien?

  But I wish we were better friends.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 54:47Conan O'Brien?

  What's it again? What's the name of the show?

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Uh, I believe it's Girls Gone Wild.

• 54:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  And it is Girls Gone Wild.

• 54:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  We have a clip.

• 54:53Conan O'Brien?

  Listen.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 54:55Conan O'Brien?

  If you had a Girls Gone Wild clip, I would be...

• 54:59Speaker 02

  I'm like Paul Rudd, but instead of Mac and me, it's Girls Gone Wild.

• 55:05Conan O'Brien?

  Alright, so let's get to your new project.

• 55:08Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 55:08Conan O'Brien?

  Funny You Ask, a weekly comedy trivia podcast.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  What's?

• 55:13Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, this is, this sounds like a labor of love for you.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  It is. I, I, for years, people were like, you should do a podcast. And I was like, I don't think the medium is gonna work. And a couple of weeks ago, I was like, the medium works.

• 55:27Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  So let's get into this now. We're not on the ground floor, but we're on like, the 80th floor.

• 55:32Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 55:32Speaker 02

  Uh, no, I, I wanted to figure out a fun podcast. And I, I just couldn't think of like, a fun hook. And then I was like, oh my god, what if I just wrote trivia questions for my friends?

• 55:41Conan O'Brien?

  You write the trivia?

• 55:42Speaker 02

  Oh, I write the trivia. Not, cause not for me. I have a producer who writes the questions for me, so I don't see the questions on our system. But for my guests, what I will do is I will take three subjects you know a little bit about. So for you, what are some things that you wouldn't consider yourself an expert on, but you know a little bit about?

• 56:00Conan O'Brien?

  I know a lot about the Beatles.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Beatles.

• 56:02Conan O'Brien?

  I know a lot about probably, uh, American history, 19th, 20th century, that kinda stuff.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  That's good. Sorry, sidetracked. You remember, the last time I was on your show was Beatles Week? And Paul Simon saying, "Here comes the, here comes the sun," to me and you. It was a deeply romantic moment.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  What?

• 56:20Conan O'Brien?

  That was not my show.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  That was...

• 56:22Conan O'Brien?

  You're thinking...

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Your show, my friend.

• 56:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  You were here, I was here, Paul Simon was right here. Actually, no, you were here, Paul Simon was here, I was right here, and he said...

• 56:30Conan O'Brien?

  I think Paul Simon was in my lap. I remember that very clearly.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  He kept calling you Garfunkel?

• 56:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  He kept saying, "Are you art?"

• 56:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  Um...

• 56:36Conan O'Brien?

  And you kept interjecting? And he said, "What's, you, you give me the full Barinholtz's here." Remember that?

• 56:43Speaker 02

  I was honored he knew my name. That was cool.

• 56:46Conan O'Brien?

  He didn't even know who you were, but he knew... He didn't know you were Ike Barinholtz. He said, "What's this fucking guy giving me the Barinholtz's for? I'm trying to tell a story."

• 56:55Speaker 02

  So you would come on, I would write questions about the Beatles, American history, other things, and we would come on, have a fun conversation, and I will sporadically ask you trivia questions, and then you will ask me trivia questions, and then we do a big speed round.

• 57:08Conan O'Brien?

  So the guest shows up with their own trivia questions?

• 57:10Speaker 02

  No, my producer writes the trivia questions for me, yeah.

• 57:13Conan O'Brien?

  This sounds really fun.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  It's very, very fun. The reason I'm here is to ask if you will do mine.

• 57:17Conan O'Brien?

  I don't have time. I don't have, I don't have time.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 57:20Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not just today, but I don't have any time. I haven't been this busy since I was in Amsterdam.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  That's, that's 27 years ago.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  I feel like David has his schedule.

• 57:30Conan O'Brien?

  Boom, Chicago.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  It looks like it's.

• 57:31Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, there's no time.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Okay, we'll figure it out. Sounds like there's a little bit of a discrepancy here between what you're saying and the truth.

• 57:37Conan O'Brien?

  David, remember I have that thing?

• 57:39Speaker 02

  What is the thing, David?

• 57:42Speaker 02

  What is the thing?

• 57:42Speaker 06

  Never been more clear.

• 57:44Conan O'Brien?

  He's just swiping through, not just months, but years.

• 57:50Conan O'Brien?

  He's just, he has a whole year on one page, and he's just swiping. I see nothing. I would be honored to do your show.

• 57:56Speaker 02

  I mean, it really is.

• 57:57Conan O'Brien?

  I, you know, I so enjoy you. You are so funny. You are such a good fellow. Um, you're always hilarious on my show, all the times you came on. Uh, so yes, the answer is yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  And I feel like we are making really good headway into the friendship arena. This is the real reason I came here.

• 58:17Conan O'Brien?

  Be careful with this guy. And when I say this guy, I mean me. Um, I am a slippery eel. You will probably never hear from me again. I, I'm, when I'm here in the zone, I'm all heat, and yes, yes, yes, yes. But then the minute you get out of here.

• 58:34Speaker 02

  You're cool.

• 58:34Conan O'Brien?

  I'm like, what's with that guy? And then an hour later, who was even on today? Right?

• 58:41Speaker 02

  You completely disassociate within an hour of finishing the podcast.

• 58:46Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know who was on.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  I admire your ability.

• 58:49Conan O'Brien?

  And it's David's job to bring me seven baked pheasants, and I just eat them, and there's one.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  Orde line, you put the napkin over your head so that God doesn't see your shame.

• 59:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, doesn't see my shame. Um, no, I would, I would love to come on. I would, and I do think we should be pals.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. I wasn't expecting that.

• 59:11Conan O'Brien?

  Now, are you up in Santa Barbara a lot?

• 59:14Speaker 02

  We like to go there a couple of times a year. Yeah, I'm sure you have a house there. We-

• 59:18Conan O'Brien?

  I have seven houses there.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  That's- You're really building out.

• 59:21Conan O'Brien?

  I just bought Oprah's house and kicked her out. Against her will. I bought it out from under her and I said, "You've got an hour."

• 59:29Speaker 02

  But she's squatting now. She's actively squatting.

• 59:32Conan O'Brien?

  She's roaming around. She's, yeah, she's hanging out in the garage.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  She's roaming around?

• 59:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. She said, "I didn't know le-" Oprah said this, "I didn't know legally someone could buy your house without you letting them buy it." And, but you know what I did? I have a lot of money from these charity gigs I do.

• 59:53Conan O'Brien?

  I clean up. And then I just buy rich people's houses and tell them to leave. So, you can stay in one of my 15 homes.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  We'll take you up on that. That would save me some hotel bills. We love it up there. We love that Santa Barbara. What a beautiful, beautiful-

• 1:00:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, let's not do an ad for Santa Barbara.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  I'm just saying, it's about a 90-minute drive from, uh, LA. You're there in no time. There's a beautiful downtown.

• 1:00:16Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  And don't forget the Cherry Blossom Festival.

• 1:00:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, let's move on. I don't know how this guy from the Tourism Bureau got here. But, um-

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  Just an enthusiast.

• 1:00:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Sir, I wish you the best of luck with your new podcast. I will come on. I will be happy to come on. And, um, just delighted to have you today. This was-

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:37Conan O'Brien?

  This is just not work. I don't know what to call this, but it is not work.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  An easy Monday, right?

• 1:00:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, don't say what day it is. I'll let you create the illusion that it's happening as people are hearing it. It's a good, you know what? Just having a fun Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

• 1:00:53Conan O'Brien?

  And 2026, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50.

• 1:00:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  This was a real honor. You are the funniest person of my generation.

• 1:01:04Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus. Well, let's expand it a little.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:01:08Conan O'Brien?

  Why just your generation?

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  Take the win.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:01:10Conan O'Brien?

  I've seen some of these, quote, "funny" people from previous generations. They're not so funny.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  That's actually true.

• 1:01:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Conan O'Brien?

  I'm on, I'm looking them all. Let's just click it to be a little bigger.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  All generations.

• 1:01:21Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you very much. I got what I wanted. Like, fair and honest.

• 1:01:32Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:35Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:01:49Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from U.S. News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 1:02:02Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 1:02:22Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 1:02:57Conan O'Brien?

  When it comes to insurance, Farmers doesn't like surprises. That's why there's Farmers coverage on a page. What is it, you ask? Did you ask? I don't think you did, but let's pretend you did.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, let's, what is that?

• 1:03:09Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:12Conan O'Brien?

  That's good, because sometimes it gets confusing, you know? What am I covered for? What am I not? Here, it's all on a page. Does your insurance do that? Get a quote to get started at Farmers.com. Don't be confused, don't wonder. Farmers makes it pretty clear. Underwritten by Farmers Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or affiliate. Products not available in every state.

• 1:03:34Conan O'Brien?

  With the US Bank Smartly Visa Signature Card, you earn an unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. Huh, it's a good deal.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:42Conan O'Brien?

  No quarterly activations, no categories to track, just unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. Sona, just the other day, I bought you this antique wig stand.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:03:53Conan O'Brien?

  And I didn't get cash back, and I regret it now.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Well, that's a very thoughtful gift.

• 1:03:59Conan O'Brien?

  Do you wear a wig, or is that your hair?

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  Absolutely not. It's definitely my hair. And so it's kind of, it's kind of insulting you would buy that gift for me.

• 1:04:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'll just return it anyway, but I do wish I got cash back.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:10Conan O'Brien?

  Visit usbank.com/smartlycard to learn more. The creditor and issuer of this card is US Bank National Association. Pursuant to a license from Visa USA, Inc. Some restrictions may apply.

• 1:04:27Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, this is part three of Blaygate.

• 1:04:32Conan O'Brien?

  Aaron Blair's attempt, and this is to fraudulently use IRS loopholes to bankroll his childish fantasies. And we have Mr. David Melmeds here with us, and you are, are you a lawyer?

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  I am, yes.

• 1:04:52Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, because that's what we hired you to do.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:04:55Conan O'Brien?

  But you might have been here to fix the AC, and we just hired you.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  That's, yes.

• 1:05:00Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, anyway, let's get back into this, what I think is a major scandal roiling our podcast.

• 1:05:08Speaker 05

  So what are we talking about? Edibles?

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would like to do more. Edibles and Dune. Can I write all that off? Anything I mention on this podcast, can I write it off based on Blaze's logic?

• 1:05:17Speaker 05

  Maybe. Based on Blaze's logic?

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:20Speaker 05

  Maybe. Based on the law? And again, I'm not, let me just, I'm not a tax expert or an accountant, so this is just.

• 1:05:28Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute. Wait a minute. But why did I bring you in?

• 1:05:31Speaker 05

  I, I actually, no, no. I, I have a cursory sort of understanding of what we're doing here, because I also am familiar with the tax code.

• 1:05:42Conan O'Brien?

  This is ridiculous.

• 1:05:42Speaker 05

  No, no. He's gonna start listing things to write us.

• 1:05:45Conan O'Brien?

  I'm trying to understand exactly how fission works. I got a squirrel here. Can you help me out?

• 1:05:50Speaker 05

  This is for the listener.

• 1:05:51Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm a squirrel. I know about nuts and hiding them for the winter. Don't know much about fission, but here goes.

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  This is, this is my protecting the, myself and the show. So if someone hears this and said, oh, I'm gonna start writing off X, Y, and Z.

• 1:06:07Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 1:06:08Speaker 05

  I'm just saying, I, maybe.

• 1:06:10Conan O'Brien?

  Kids don't do this at home.

• 1:06:12Speaker 05

  Kids do not do it, yes, correct. So, personal expenses that are not related to the podcast, you cannot write off. So if you're bringing edibles, I think I heard that segment for, for Conan, right?

• 1:06:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 1:06:26Speaker 05

  That would probably work more into production than on air, right? So, and where production costs can affect Conan, and I am the, uh, opinion that we are here to manage Conan, right? It could eat into.

• 1:06:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. You know, if it weren't for you and for Blay, I don't think I'd make it in this business. But through your wise counsel, though you're clearly not an, an expert in anything. And through Blay's incredible work of buying these doodads.

• 1:06:56Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:06:57Conan O'Brien?

  And shoving them into the conversation.

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  Correct.

• 1:07:00Conan O'Brien?

  Like with a crowbar. I don't know that I would have a career at all.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  I, I think, that's why we're, that's why we're here. No, so I, I'm saying, Blay, maybe, I think you have to separate yourself into when you are bringing something on the show, are you in your role as a producer or as an on-air personality?

• 1:07:20Conan O'Brien?

  Can I ask you a specific question?

• 1:07:22Speaker 05

  You can.

• 1:07:22Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. And are you a producer?

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  I call myself a producer.

• 1:07:26Conan O'Brien?

  What is your title?

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  What do you mean you don't know your title?

• 1:07:31Conan O'Brien?

  I swear to God, I thought you were here to get lunch.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:07:33Conan O'Brien?

  I did, I kept wondering, where's the lunch?

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  I just wanna ask.

• 1:07:36Conan O'Brien?

  I thought this kid was getting us food. Can I ask Melman a specific question? Okay, so like, for instance, we talked about how I watch Bane clips on a plane.

• 1:07:44Speaker 05

  Great.

• 1:07:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, which I love Bane. I watch a lot of Bane clips, big fan of Bane. Now, that's been established on the podcast as a bit, okay? Now, can I buy a, this is a real question, can I buy a Bane mask as a follow-up and write that off? Cause we, it's been established on the podcast, can I buy a Bane mask?

• 1:08:02Speaker 05

  I would say maybe.

• 1:08:03Conan O'Brien?

  I think it should all be submitted ahead of time. I think what might be a problem. Here, Blay, and I say this with all respect, is that you are this untethered child running around having these ideas and swiping a credit card, and I think that's potentially problematic.

• 1:08:23Speaker 07

  Could be.

• 1:08:23Conan O'Brien?

  What I think you should do is you should go to Adam, I'm invoking you, and you should say, here's my idea, I want to buy a Bane mask, they're $9.99.

• 1:08:39Conan O'Brien?

  And I think it'd be a good segment, and then you can think about it, maybe you can approach me and we can have a discussion.

• 1:08:45Speaker 07

  I totally agree, and the whole thing, I mean, I think, you know, we have established, I think, that Blay is committing fraud, but the one what I, what I, what I'm hearing, though, from David, and David, tell me if I'm wrong, is it's very like tail wagging the dog, right? Like, it should start as, the show wants to do X, Y, and Z, so let's go out and buy the necessary supplies, curiosities, whatever it is, so that we can make that happen, so we can execute on that. But to do it the other way around, which is, we're buying a bunch of random curiosities, and let's see if the show can do that, feels like it's in violation of whatever.

• 1:09:24Speaker 05

  Yes, I think that is, exactly, I think that's a very good way to articulate, not to say that what you're doing hurts the show, I'm just saying, if you're looking to write off certain items, probably go about it the way that Adam described it.

• 1:09:40Conan O'Brien?

  So, I guess my, my next question is, can I have a company card to do that?

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  I was gonna ask if you had a corp card?

• 1:09:46Conan O'Brien?

  I don't, but I would, it would help, I think, with this situation, don't you guys think?

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  I think, I think.

• 1:09:50Conan O'Brien?

  I can put that sword on a company card?

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  I, I think you need a real accountant.

• 1:09:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I took for a company, company card, flat no. No, wait a second. There's no way you're getting a company. Well, wait a second, Sona had a company card, put a bunch of lunches on, and puts lunches on. Has, she has one to this day. Yeah, and puts lunches on it.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  I sure do.

• 1:10:08Conan O'Brien?

  Well, first of all, I knew that was the deal when I hired Sona, that's what comes with Sona. Contract. No, I mean, she's like Zorba the Greek. You don't, you know, she needs to have access to all the things that make her Sona. I, I think it's a little presumptuous to think that you should be entitled to those same things. I just do. I'm just saying, like, okay, I bought a, a big Medusa skull, okay? You're not helping yourself better and better.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  He's just forcing me to write them off.

• 1:10:36Conan O'Brien?

  But, but, but, but, a, a Medusa skull you have forever. Sona's just has a lunch. What do you mean?

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  A Medusa skull you have forever.

• 1:10:43Conan O'Brien?

  No, you don't. Yes, I do. You have it until you get married and she throws that shit out.

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:49Conan O'Brien?

  Lunch, you just eat once and you're done.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  I, they're business lunches. They are, we talk business.

• 1:10:55Speaker 07

  Can I ask a question? So we have David here, we should take advantage of it. What are, are, are there things that we should be writing off that we're all, that we're not?

• 1:11:02Speaker 05

  Well, let me, okay, so.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  Lunches.

• 1:11:04Speaker 05

  Lunches, lunches, yes.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  Hey, I do you guys a favor.

• 1:11:09Speaker 05

  I would say anything to manage Conan can be written off.

• 1:11:12Conan O'Brien?

  When did I become?

• 1:11:15Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, when did I become hepatitis B?

• 1:11:17Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no. You're on it.

• 1:11:20Conan O'Brien?

  When did I become this virulent strain that must be contained? Oh no, a Conan got loose from the lab.

• 1:11:28Speaker 05

  That is, that's the way the IRS sees you are on air talent and we are here to manage you. So anything we do to manage you.

• 1:11:37Conan O'Brien?

  The IRS knows that I'm a toxin. I love it.

• 1:11:41Speaker 05

  Well, you're, okay, so to answer your question now, anything that sort of costs to create, produce, protect the show is deductible, right? Anything sort of personal, performance, uh, the consequences of wrongdoing, uh, we cannot.

• 1:12:00Conan O'Brien?

  Consequences of wrongdoing?

• 1:12:01Speaker 05

  Well, meaning you're bringing a mask on the show for, we have to say, what, what's the intent? What's the, if you're bringing it on to have a potential write-off? I would say if you're, if we've discussed the segment, right, first, and then you bring it on to sort of, you, then I'm gonna say maybe.

• 1:12:18Conan O'Brien?

  So maybe a Bane, so Bane mask might be something I could do.

• 1:12:21Speaker 05

  It might, but I would probably. Bring that up first, then just bring it on and start talking about it.

• 1:12:26Conan O'Brien?

  But don't you wanna, can I just ask, why not just pay for the Bane mask? It's, why do you need Uncle Sam's help? You're well compensated and you should take pride in spending your own money on something as precious as a Bane mask. You shouldn't need to invoke some weird codicil.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:48Conan O'Brien?

  That you think you found the IRS code to do it. Why not just be a real man and when you buy a Bane mask?

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  Own it.

• 1:12:56Conan O'Brien?

  You know, in the true tradition of being a man, like a real man. When you go to buy, you know, your, whatever, it's a bumblebee head. Or when you, when you go to buy, um, you know, oh, it's, it's, you know, the vision from Marvel Comics. Uh, I wanna buy his panties. Why, why can't you just be a real man and say, this is what I want to feel good about me and buy it yourself?

• 1:13:23Speaker 07

  He's an android, he doesn't wear panties.

• 1:13:25Speaker 05

  I think, so to just summarize what Con just said, in terms of what the, so, these are sort of personal lifestyle expenses, which are not deductible.

• 1:13:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 05

  And so that's, I'm putting it into a bucket. Unless.

• 1:13:39Conan O'Brien?

  Unless, unless, and this is, Blay, you'd have to accept this.

• 1:13:44Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:13:44Conan O'Brien?

  But if you could prove that this was an illness of his, a deficiency.

• 1:13:49Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:13:49Conan O'Brien?

  If you could prove that this was some kind of a handicap.

• 1:13:52Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:13:52Conan O'Brien?

  Something he can't help because something stunted, something never developed.

• 1:13:58Speaker 05

  Like a medical, like a medical expense kind of thing.

• 1:14:01Conan O'Brien?

  Neurological.

• 1:14:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:14:02Conan O'Brien?

  But he never grew into a real, a real adult. And he's trapped in this cycle of just more toys and more ephemera and more bullshit. And he just won't break free of that and won't go out into the world and, and really realize himself as an adult.

• 1:14:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:14:19Conan O'Brien?

  He can't, then this could be a possibly his version of a wheelchair or crutches.

• 1:14:25Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 1:14:25Conan O'Brien?

  Or a special seat that helps him sit on the toilet because he can't make a poopy without it.

• 1:14:30Speaker 07

  And could Conan get a tax credit for employing?

• 1:14:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:14:36Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I think we cracked it here, and I think we've been in the red for a while now, which means we've gone way too long.

• 1:14:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:41Conan O'Brien?

  We'll probably have to lose some of your talking, Blay.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:14:43Conan O'Brien?

  Where you defend yourself.

• 1:14:44Speaker 01

  I do think the real criminal here is Blay's mom. I think that she's...

• 1:14:48Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  I think that she... I think Mary Blair needs to go to prison.

• 1:14:52Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:14:53Speaker 01

  I think she is an absolute criminal.

• 1:14:55Conan O'Brien?

  I agree, I agree too, yeah. By, by, and look, we wonder why he's infantilized? And she's sending his taxes to TurboTax?

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:03Conan O'Brien?

  When's she gonna diaper you next? You know? Now she insists on doing it. She wants to make sure that my bottom is talcum properly. So, yeah. If I can write a law, let's launch.

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Let's write out the diapers. Investigation.

• 1:15:15Conan O'Brien?

  An investigation into, into Mary Blair. Well, I'm gonna end this right now. Blay, I find you guilty and no corporate carry.

• 1:15:23Speaker 05

  Agree with that. Thank you.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

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• 1:15:46Speaker 03

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• 1:16:34Speaker 05

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• 1:17:04Speaker 07

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.