MBMBaM 818: Announcing: Utilidrink

We know that almost every episode of My Brother, My Brother, and Me is the perfect energy-giving blend of great goofs, witty wisdom, probiotics, prebiotic, and an ungodly amount of caffeine. But this one is our new, special formula with everything you need in easy-to-drink layers of: Sky-rizzy, Mark Ruffalo, minions, and absolutely no nanomachines. Suggested talking points: Big Probiotic Boba, Today's My Rizzy Day, Bo-Rito, Daniel Day Lewish, You Catch More Flies with Little Debbies, Built-In Chicken Intermission Lamda Legal: https://lambdalegal.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:19Speaker 01

  (singing) It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rippened into a precious friendship. I could've never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, the advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Tribe Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Vroom, Vroom, The Heater, Big Dog, did I say that already? Award-winning McElroy.

• 1:25Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, sweet Tribe Nation? It's your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin McElroy.

• 1:31Travis McElroy?

  Just a quick update, by the way, about the award-winning thing.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:35Travis McElroy?

  Did just get a notification, they've started making the awards, so should be getting that any month now.

• 1:41Griffin McElroy?

  Is that a, Trav, is that a goof?

• 1:44Travis McElroy?

  Nope.

• 1:45Griffin McElroy?

  Goddamn, you're just so good at making goofs like that, that it's hard to tell truth from.

• 1:49Travis McElroy?

  I know, that seems so wild, when you hold your award ceremony seemingly 18 months ago.

• 1:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:56Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I want to tell you guys about uh, my drink.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:02Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Disney on Ice. Yeah, this is uh, the only cup big enough that I have. I used to have one that says life's a beach that I stole from a house.

• 2:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:11Travis McElroy?

  But now I just have this cup. This is my breakfast boy and I want to tell you guys about it because I think that I could get you guys in on the ground floor of this. Uh, every, it's how I start my morning every morning. I get a uh.

• 2:25Griffin McElroy?

  It is the Disney on Ice cup part of the every morning?

• 2:28Travis McElroy?

  I did cover, it's the only cup I have that's big enough. So it is by the fact of.

• 2:31Travis McElroy?

  And if you miss it, he did do a subliminal. He held it up right next to his head to give us a size comparison to give us a bit.

• 2:38Griffin McElroy?

  That's a big breakfast boy.

• 2:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah. The cup's lin- a, actually the cup's lenticular and I'm resisting the temptation. I love that. Thank you so much. I actually know that because my kids also have a Disney on Ice cup and seeing it did make my skin crawl every time you hold it up.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  I'll leave it out of the shot because it's not, it's not important. Uh, well, I will continue to drink it. Uh, but so it's a blend of a premier protein caramel or coffee flavor. Depending on how, how caffeinated you want to get. Usually I'll do that. And then I dump in all the old coffee from yesterday.

• 3:13Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, right.

• 3:14Travis McElroy?

  Aged. Don't say old, say aged.

• 3:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, just for, if we're gonna market this later, just know that aged uh, salt aged.

• 3:20Travis McElroy?

  And then I take a sip of it and I see if it's, and then it's like, is this quite enough? It's not usually quite enough coffee flavor. So then I'll add a little, this is a secret. A lot of people won't tell you this, Dunkin' cold brew concentrate. You dump that in there. What was the last word? Dunkin' cold brew what?

• 3:38Griffin McElroy?

  Concentrate.

• 3:39Travis McElroy?

  Now, you now have three caffeinating, proteining factors. Let me tell you, first thing about util a drink.

• 3:45Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. Fuck yeah, dude. I love when you just like say shit with that like, and by the way, I'm announce, this is an announcement and a very casual.

• 3:54Travis McElroy?

  Well, I thought it's so. First, first thing with Utila Drink is you are going to be able to time your bowel movements with the clockwork precision of a train engineer.

• 4:04Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 4:05Travis McElroy?

  You know, if you drink one of these, you know exactly when you're gonna.

• 4:11Griffin McElroy?

  Argue it's the primary util of Utila Drink.

• 4:14Travis McElroy?

  We could get like Griffin has his big water bottle with the markings on it.

• 4:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Travis McElroy?

  You could, you could time it out, you could make like not just the drink, but a bottle that comes with it with markings of it.

• 4:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:27Travis McElroy?

  Like start getting ready, collect reading materials.

• 4:29Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 4:30Travis McElroy?

  Your phone charged.

• 4:31Griffin McElroy?

  Dokey time.

• 4:32Travis McElroy?

  Be in there for a while.

• 4:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:33Travis McElroy?

  But you guys, you guys, I'm glad to see you guys so excited about this because I don't think that I can just, we can just sell Premier Protein mixed with old coffee.

• 4:44Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 4:44Travis McElroy?

  So we gotta add, I think Utila Drink is very powerful because it gets your day started. And to somebody with a brain like mine, I like the idea of having one liquid that I know I can consume it. I'm good to go.

• 4:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:56Travis McElroy?

  So like, what else can I get into Utila Drink? I've already thought about crunching up some Claritin in there.

• 5:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:02Travis McElroy?

  And start there.

• 5:02Griffin McElroy?

  That's right. Holy shit, man. Yeah. Oh my God, Justin.

• 5:06Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 5:07Griffin McElroy?

  Utila Drink will be prescribed. Listen up pharmacists, cause this affects me too. It'll be prescribed by AI. I don't mind handing that one over to the tech, to the tech lords. Um, cause it's.

• 5:21Travis McElroy?

  You gotta see an AI doctor who will prescribe only Utila Drink.

• 5:24Griffin McElroy?

  Only Utila Drink, but.

• 5:26Travis McElroy?

  For a kiosk.

• 5:27Griffin McElroy?

  And Justin, can I, oh, I've just been struck, Griffin, go on. I've been struck by a marketing, but Griffin, go on.

• 5:31Travis McElroy?

  One idea at a time, guys.

• 5:32Griffin McElroy?

  One idea at a time. I don't just want Utila Drink to contain two different kinds of coffee and Premier Caramel or Coffee Flavored Protein. I, and also a little bit of Claritin, cause I'm so bad at that. And DC is, according to recent polls, the sneeziest city in the United States.

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  I think you could grind it up. I do think the size, I could just drop it in there and not think about it.

• 5:52Griffin McElroy?

  Why stop there? Utila Drink prescribed by AI doctors. Let it get my Bupropion in there. Let it, do you know what I mean? Let it get my Lexapro in there. Just one drink and I don't have to blah, blah, blah, blah, take the. The four pills that let me like go.

• 6:07Travis McElroy?

  It's like the Pepsi machine, the Coke machine we talked about the other day where you just walk up to it and you mix the flavors.

• 6:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, freestyle medicine drink.

• 6:15Travis McElroy?

  It's me style. It's me style. It's like, here's what's going on with me and my utility drink. It's a me style utility drink.

• 6:21Griffin McElroy?

  Me style utility.

• 6:22Travis McElroy?

  If we can figure out densities, by the way, so I know dookie's happening two thirds of the way down and then probiotic right there at the bottom.

• 6:29Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man, it sinks to the bottom like boba.

• 6:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and then I'm getting that probiotic back in my tummy right there at the end.

• 6:36Griffin McElroy?

  Big fat probiotic pearls waiting for you at the bottom to suck through a big straw. Utility drink.

• 6:43Travis McElroy?

  Thing that I've been actually afraid to think about, because it's actually too powerful, is the idea of layering. So like,

• 6:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:49Travis McElroy?

  What if at the top layer you had a diuretic and then at the bottom layer you had an antidiuretic? Yeah.

• 6:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 6:57Travis McElroy?

  So you have it and midway through you're like, oh.

• 7:01Griffin McElroy?

  Now, wait, okay, one issue with this, just from an engineering level juicer, is that if we are using.

• 7:07Travis McElroy?

  It's not a juicer. There's no actual juice contained. Yeah, there's no fruit or vegetables in utility drink. Organic.

• 7:15Griffin McElroy?

  No organic material. It's all microplastiques.

• 7:18Travis McElroy?

  If you use a straw.

• 7:19Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I like that, by the way, Griffin. Yeah, yeah. I Q U E S at the end and everybody don't think it's very fancy.

• 7:26Griffin McElroy?

  We use a long.

• 7:27Travis McElroy?

  Everybody else doesn't want them anymore. We'll take them on the cheap.

• 7:29Griffin McElroy?

  If we use a long straw with this medicine parfait that you've described, we're gonna get the antidiuretic before we get the diuretic. And I'm not even sure what my bo- I would, I would probably bust. I would probably burst and die if that combination was given to me in that order.

• 7:45Travis McElroy?

  There will be very specific, like also don't operate heavy machinery after drinking utility drink.

• 7:51Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 7:51Travis McElroy?

  Like, I think that there will be a lot of warnings down the side. Unless that's your job, in which case you will be completely prepared for it.

• 7:58Griffin McElroy?

  Then you can.

• 7:59Travis McElroy?

  I love, I love the straw that you, or Griffin, I think it was, love the straw that you slipped in there. Check this out. I just ate the straw. It's mint.

• 8:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  Candy. The straw's a mint candy.

• 8:11Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 8:11Travis McElroy?

  At the end of it, you eat the straw.

• 8:13Griffin McElroy?

  So the util, the final util that it provides.

• 8:15Travis McElroy?

  The final util is the breath is freshen.

• 8:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 8:17Travis McElroy?

  Here's my marketing campaign that I've pictured, a commercial.

• 8:20Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 8:20Travis McElroy?

  A Charlton Heston-esque actor comes charging out of a building as people, everyone's walking around. Um, and he's holding up a utility drink and he screams like, utility drink is everything.

• 8:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Travis McElroy?

  Utility drink is everything. And he falls down on his knees and everybody's like, oh, cool. And then they start drinking utility drink.

• 8:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, thanks.

• 8:43Travis McElroy?

  Oh, actually, yeah. Now I hear it out loud. It rules.

• 8:47Griffin McElroy?

  Is it people? No.

• 8:48Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 8:49Griffin McElroy?

  It's medicine.

• 8:51Travis McElroy?

  Might be people.

• 8:52Griffin McElroy?

  I worry actually people might, I worry people might.

• 8:55Travis McElroy?

  Another ad?

• 8:56Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  Travis just pitched an ad, someone pitched an ad. It's, uh, Mark Ruffalo and he walks into the kitchen and you see his face. And then it's just his face, right?

• 9:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:06Travis McElroy?

  You don't actually see utility drink in this one. You see his, his face and he looks and he's like, like this, like confused. He's like, and it's really scary. He's like, Skylar, that's my utility drink.

• 9:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  Cut to black. Cause like, that's how powerful it is.

• 9:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Travis McElroy?

  Now, if someone drinks the wrong utility drink, they'll probably die from it. Now, why, uh, listen, you know, I love the Ruffalo Buffalo so much. Every man is, to answer your question, every man. Why are we paying Ruffalo Buffalo prices?

• 9:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:38Travis McElroy?

  For, for just that?

• 9:43Griffin McElroy?

  Cause he's a huge line, Travis.

• 9:44Travis McElroy?

  Person. He's a utility person.

• 9:46Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 9:46Travis McElroy?

  He's a doctor who's a Hulk.

• 9:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:49Travis McElroy?

  And he's also in drama and also he made a robot out of Emma Stone, like it, or had sex with her. I didn't watch, I was a little stuck. But, uh, uh, like he's the every man. You know what I mean? He's like the utility drink, uh, like a perfect sponsor. And full of probiotics. Yeah.

• 10:07Griffin McElroy?

  I always confuse people on the street as Mark Ruffalo. And I think he's got it. He's in DC. He's lobbying for something. Never. He just is every. He's every man.

• 10:18Travis McElroy?

  I walked next to him one time at New York Comic Con going through the back tunnels to get to think.

• 10:22Griffin McElroy?

  Is he little? I bet he's little. Is he like 411? Is he little guy?

• 10:26Travis McElroy?

  Uh, well, he's the size of one Mark Ruffalo. Like if you're thinking like for scale, you would put him next to another Mark Ruffalo and you'd be like, yeah, that's exactly it.

• 10:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna Google how tall is Mark Ruffalo and Google Gemini AI is gonna be like nine feet tall when he's the Hulk. Thanks fucking, thanks dude.

• 10:45Travis McElroy?

  I've tried to word this in a way that makes sense before, but you know, sometimes like you're somewhere and you think you see a celebrity and you're like, I kinda know. Oh, who is that? Oh, is that somebody? That's somebody. When I saw Mark Ruffalo, it was negative time. Before I knew it was Mark Ruffalo. One of the most recognizable people in real life I've ever seen.

• 11:05Griffin McElroy?

  Five eight.

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  Um, yeah, feels right. What's the MSRP are we thinking juice on utila drink? So every, that will be very conditional. Like obviously if you're on some, uh, high grade experimental medications. Or ones that have to be specifically temperature controlled. That's the thing with utila drink. Uh, there are gonna be some utila drinks that are probably gonna be kinda like JB Weld. Where they have to be stored in separate containers and then you squish them out and then you mix it and you have to drink it like right away. Before it hardens, you know, like or whatever. Probably 50, probably 50, 50 to 20 grand.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  I'll tell you my, okay, yeah, that makes sense.

• 11:48Travis McElroy?

  50, wait, $50 to 20 grand or 50 grand to 20 grand, which is not normally the way you would arrange.

• 11:55Griffin McElroy?

  Not how you would list those.

• 11:57Travis McElroy?

  Fifty dollars is like, basically just coffee.

• 12:00Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's, yeah, yeah.

• 12:03Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 12:03Griffin McElroy?

  Now, my.

• 12:04Travis McElroy?

  And then you're gonna reverse that because there is a step down process to quit utila drink. Um, you're not gonna wanna stop cold turkey, or you will die. What I gotta tell you guys is pretty much all peptides.

• 12:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool. I'll be real. What those are one of these days.

• 12:18Travis McElroy?

  I'll be real, it's basically all. It sounds important.

• 12:21Griffin McElroy?

  It sounds, yeah.

• 12:22Travis McElroy?

  It's all human growth.

• 12:25Griffin McElroy?

  I tell you, my issue is every 12 weeks, I gotta shoot up the Sky Rizzi. I don't know how we incorporate that element into utila.

• 12:32Travis McElroy?

  Five hour energy drink style utila drink just comes in a little one with a Sky Rizzi in there.

• 12:38Griffin McElroy?

  So these are delivered to you, uh, via, via express mail. You get the like huge ice box with your week's.

• 12:45Travis McElroy?

  Unlabeled, or it will be stolen.

• 12:48Griffin McElroy?

  And then every 12 weeks, I'll get one in that only has six big bottles of utila drink. And then one very menacing, small glass vial full of a.

• 12:58Travis McElroy?

  Rachel, where's the packaging? Rachel, did you tell us the packaging for this? Rachel, did you see a small, small bottle?

• 13:05Griffin McElroy?

  It's my Sky Rizzi utila drink.

• 13:08Travis McElroy?

  For premium members, I would also like to pitch utila drink nights, uh, where there is red wine in it.

• 13:16Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 13:18Travis McElroy?

  See Trav?

• 13:19Griffin McElroy?

  That's a different util.

• 13:21Travis McElroy?

  It's a different util, cuz that's just booze. Like booze does all that for you. All the only job you have at night is. Oh, you're right. It's just a bottle of wine. A drink, right. Listen. It's just the wine is the utila drink. Without this, you will not sleep. We cannot stress enough, there's so much in utila drink that if you drink utila drink without utila drink nights, to ca- as the antidote, you will stay awake for four days. Maybe it is just an anti, it's a big bottle of anti stuff.

• 13:50Travis McElroy?

  This is gonna bring you back. This is gonna bring you back. It's absorbent stuff. Yeah, this is all activated charcoal. I think it would be good like. This is all carbon. Sawdust.

• 14:01Griffin McElroy?

  It's uh, it's three parts Cabernet Sauvignon and then it's one part, it's one part melatonin and then the rest of it is sawdust. And it absorbs the rest of it. An activated charcoal.

• 14:13Travis McElroy?

  This is gonna get you out of the crest, as we call it, and pull you back down.

• 14:19Griffin McElroy?

  In the morning.

• 14:20Travis McElroy?

  Important thing though, if you don't have your next utility drink the next morning, you will perish.

• 14:24Griffin McElroy?

  You will die. You need it. Your body's gonna be fluctuating through states of ketosis.

• 14:31Travis McElroy?

  And matter.

• 14:33Griffin McElroy?

  Matter, uh, regulation. You need to stay on the, you need to keep surfing the wave or you will fucking crash, dude.

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  We're gonna have to, we're gonna start every press, press conference the same way. Everyone, hi, thanks for coming. Again, I will ask, do not ask about nano machines in the utility drink. That is company, company information. Cannot share that.

• 14:55Griffin McElroy?

  I know me saying that makes it sound like I'm saying there's nano machines in the utility drink. It's not one way or the other.

• 15:02Travis McElroy?

  Saying that, we're saying there's not, not. And if they are, they're beneficial. But there's not any in there, or there's not, not any in there.

• 15:11Griffin McElroy?

  But if we were going to. Today's my.

• 15:15Travis McElroy?

  We wouldn't tell you.

• 15:16Griffin McElroy?

  Today's my Sky Rizzy day. I got it on, on the brain and I wanted to share that, you know, I started taking it for my, for my terrible skin.

• 15:23Travis McElroy?

  Cannot believe that's the name still.

• 15:25Griffin McElroy?

  It's awesome. It's such a good fucking name. And it's like one of the best.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  Imagine when Ferris Bueller like came into the conference room and he was like, guys, I got it.

• 15:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:33Travis McElroy?

  Sky Rizzy drink.

• 15:34Griffin McElroy?

  What? It was probably a lot like that.

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  That guy just beat Skyrim the night before is what he was like. And he started, and he was like Skyrim. I just got, guys, I just beat Skyrim the night before. I'm leaning on the edge of my window. I don't know if this will play.

• 15:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, it plays. It's cool. You don't look wild at all.

• 15:52Travis McElroy?

  How big is that window?

• 15:53Griffin McElroy?

  I'm, today's my Rizzy day and I'm so grateful. Thank you Skyrim, not sponsored. Thank you Skyrim Rizzy for fixing, fixing my psoriasis. I was watching TV a couple of months ago and I saw an ad and it was like, do you have moderate to severe Crohn's disease? Well, that can make life very difficult, can it? Luckily, we've got a drug for you. It's called Sky Rizzy. And I was like, wait a minute. I've never taken a drug for one thing and then found out that it also fixes a totally different, completely other thing. And maybe I had moderate to severe Crohn's disease. I'll never know, because if I did, the Riz licked it.

• 16:33Griffin McElroy?

  So, that's pretty, I, that's pretty, I've never had that happen before where it's like my depression medication is also making my, my wiener huger. What? Like, it's never do, it never does two secret things.

• 16:48Travis McElroy?

  Well, it usually does two secret things, just one of them's not beneficial. There's, there's a lot of like, oh, also it turns out, I'm sorry about that. Like, well, butrin is a depression medication that they also use to help people quit smoking. And it's like, maybe you're just sad. You know what I mean? Like, maybe, maybe you were sad and you smoked to deal with it. You actually can't know the difference. I was taking Lexapro for depression. And then my doctor, my therapist diagnosed me also with anxiety and she was like, just keep doing the Lexapro. I was like, oh, cool. Wait, hold on.

• 17:24Griffin McElroy?

  It's all one thing, guys. We're all one spirit.

• 17:27Travis McElroy?

  It's all a continuum. That's what utilit drink's about. It's all, that's what, that's like, the ads are gonna be like, people passing around a can of utilit drink and it's like, we all have different utilit drinks, but the one thing that eats nice is all. And people are like, the can, the can, the can, the can. And a few people are like, banana machines. No, no, edit that.

• 17:47Griffin McElroy?

  Get out of here. Get that out.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  And then there will be a very large print across the bottom, do not share utilit drinks. These are, no, this is a specific blend.

• 17:57Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta show the ad right after where Mark Ruffalo says like, no Janet, that's my utilit. You have to show that right after so people know that the last ad was like a joke. Do not.

• 18:07Travis McElroy?

  Metaphorically, we all share in this. There should be more ads that are also PSH for the dangers of your product.

• 18:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Travis McElroy?

  It's like, it's like advertising how powerful it is. Like, this isn't kid's stuff. We're not joking around.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  I worry.

• 18:21Travis McElroy?

  Chocolate flavored, but like, that's not.

• 18:23Griffin McElroy?

  The, the health disclaimers on utilit drink in the ad will be robust enough that it will not leave us a lot of runway for the ad part of the ad that talks about how good the product is. We're going to have about a second and a half of Mark Ruffalo being like, utilit drink, good. And then 59 seconds of like, utilit will kill you fucking graveyard dead if you do it.

• 18:45Travis McElroy?

  No, it will only kill you if you drink someone else. Like, that's.

• 18:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:49Travis McElroy?

  We, we can't stress enough, it won't kill you.

• 18:53Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 18:53Travis McElroy?

  But it will kill everyone you love if they drink yours.

• 18:57Griffin McElroy?

  If they, yeah. Just label them.

• 19:00Travis McElroy?

  Get your own apartment. Just be safe.

• 19:02Griffin McElroy?

  We won't label them. We will put nothing on the can that says like, this is Mark's utilit drink. You need, it's up to you to do that at home.

• 19:09Travis McElroy?

  Personal responsibility is huge. That's right. That's what Ameri, that's what this country was founded on.

• 19:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:16Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I'd like to ask you some questions and these came from our listeners. These aren't mine. Okay. I don't want it to be weird about it. These are ones that they've sent to us. Hey, Justin, just in that moment, you started typing and you felt like such like an oracle-esque.

• 19:30Griffin McElroy?

  It was cool. You were the man in the chair for a second.

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  It looked so fucking cool.

• 19:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:34Travis McElroy?

  Do you know why I look so cool? Cause I'm trying to register utilitdrink.com. Oh, yeah. You looked very professional at that moment. So stupid. Well, that's when I do my job. Travis, this is when I register. Uh, domain. We have to reevaluate your job title and description, by the way. It's been a couple of years now. We need to add some.

• 19:54Griffin McElroy?

  I know. I keep skipping into annual meetings where we get new job titles and stuff. Do you think the stuff that Travis says at the beginning of the my bim bam episodes is like jazz?

• 20:03Travis McElroy?

  That is like. That's voted on by board members. I get docked every time I miss one. 1899?

• 20:10Griffin McElroy?

  Eighteen dollars and nine nine cents for.

• 20:12Travis McElroy?

  Eighteen dollars and nine nine cents for utiladrink.com. I mean, like.

• 20:15Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, grab that shit.

• 20:16Travis McElroy?

  That's an investment, man. We're building a brand here.

• 20:18Griffin McElroy?

  We'll cut everything out of the beginning of this episode because someday someone will make utiladrink. Um, that will really make it and then we'll sell that back to them for.

• 20:28Travis McElroy?

  Yes, I read the terms of service. See how much utila shorts is too, because we can do like a fun thing where it's like summer branded shorts.

• 20:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:36Travis McElroy?

  Do you think Amanda gets notifications every time I do this? I hope she does. Does she get? Sometimes she texts me behind your back because she's worried about you and our finances. Yeah, good. She should be. I like to keep everybody on edge. Listen, listen, my barber is old. Aside from my years at college and a few years living across town, I've gone to the same barber my whole life. I'm worried he'll retire and I won't know where to get my haircut. Is it okay to ask him where I should get my haircut when he retires? I don't want him to think I'm looking to ditch him already. That's from seeking a shearer in Springfield.

• 21:08Griffin McElroy?

  Woo, so hard.

• 21:10Travis McElroy?

  Woo, you mean die, right?

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  You're trying not to say die, but.

• 21:15Griffin McElroy?

  Retire from this plane?

• 21:15Travis McElroy?

  They mean die, right?

• 21:17Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I think it's the same. If your barber retires and you don't see them anymore.

• 21:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, unless they're your uncle, they're pretty much dead to you. Oh, man. What if the barber died in the middle of cutting your hair and it was left unfinished forever?

• 21:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yo.

• 21:33Travis McElroy?

  And you just had to live with that haircut.

• 21:35Griffin McElroy?

  You had to find someone to do the other half. Maybe that's how you do it. He says, you're looking for a new barber after me. He only cuts half of your hair. He says, now the time, the timer's ticking. Get out there, find someone who can complete the look. And they'll know, informed by my past work, how you like it done.

• 21:51Travis McElroy?

  Could you ask him to put together a detailed build book as he cuts your hair of like shots of the cuts and methods he's using and then you put it all together in a very detailed separated binder that you can just hand off? And at this point, question asker, find yourself a 21 or 22 year old barber. Because you don't want to go through this again.

• 22:13Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, you gotta go through this again. The old heads are the best because some, they'll do like old timey, they'll like.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  Slap you on the shoulder, give you a little like on the on your forehead, like a little percussive, like, you know what I mean? With their old hands, just just bongoing all over you. The old dude in Huntington that we went to a couple of times, Early, I think was his name. Yeah, Early. God, that guy was early to life. He got here before everybody else. He got started. He got there before everybody else. That mother trucker had. Early's right. He had pneumatic, like, shears. And so like, I remember they were like hooked to a tube, like to the wall. When he turned it on, it sounded like a steam it, like a piston, like and you could feel like the air going off of it. It ruled, man. Yeah.

• 23:04Travis McElroy?

  And all of his haircut styles had like number seven with bangs, you know? It was all like you were ordering at a deli. It ruled.

• 23:12Griffin McElroy?

  But the thing about barbers and hair cutting and hairstyling, and I have to assume this is true for everyone, is if you start seeing the same person to cut your hair for a long enough period of time, you forget kind of what it is like with other sort of stylist, hair professionals. There could be a whole world of not sort of older barbers out there who can offer you so many cuts. I got my haircut at Happy Hair Boutique for a long time, basically up through college. It was just where mom took us and it was a lady who we went to church with, cut our hair, I think at a discount, which was super chill, but it was, but my style was not great until I,

• 23:58Griffin McElroy?

  I, when I was like a senior in college, saw someone else who cut all my hair off. And I was like, I look different now. This is way better and I don't have to talk about Jesus Christ during the styling, which I also super duper appreciate.

• 24:11Travis McElroy?

  Guys, when I lived in LA, I went to the same stylist as Cameron Esposito. Oh, fuck. A person named Pony. Pony was incredible. Pony was incredible. And don't get me wrong. I love my Cincinnati stylist. Oh, she's great. Love her. She's great.

• 24:27Griffin McElroy?

  But Cameron's Cameron's hair is just very, very, very powerful.

• 24:32Travis McElroy?

  So good. So good. I've been seeing the same guy, Joey Griffin, Kid Mom Booksey. Check him out. Great, great cuts. Uh, he's a younger fella. We used to just go wherever, wherever mom took us, which is usually into the Happy Hair Boutique. Just wherever she went, we would, normally slide up in there.

• 24:53Travis McElroy?

  Happy Hair Boutique, you can tell by the name, specialized in teenage boy haircut.

• 24:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, because we were happy at the end of it. We did have hair. The barber shop is specific. If you go to the actual barber shop, and I think part of what makes this so hard is you're not just talking about the barber. Because unless you're going to like a master cuts or something at the Walmart, every barber shop is just a loose confederation of maniacs. That decided they could share the same basic room. Like, it's like, there's no, there doesn't have to be a sort of like, the music is whatever. Everybody can kind of agree to, and if not that, it's three different kinds of music and Fox News. It's like, it's just a bunch of people living in tight quarters in this like, cycle of strangers that are just like in and out of their little like wing sitcom that they're doing.

• 25:44Travis McElroy?

  But it's like, it's a vibe. You gotta find one that fits. I've gone to the, I've gone to a barber for a year. Where I was uncomfortable. Like, I didn't like being there. I was like, I hate this, but I can't find anything better. I can't do any better than this right now. My. But it's just about the, it's about the room. It's a vibe. My current stylist and the salon I go to. Hmm. The radio station they play over the sound system is the hits of the sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties, two thousands and today.

• 26:13Griffin McElroy?

  Wow. So that's all mu- that's all the music.

• 26:15Travis McElroy?

  It's the most whiplashy.

• 26:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yes.

• 26:19Travis McElroy?

  Sonic experience.

• 26:20Griffin McElroy?

  And this is a sound check for whiplash.

• 26:22Travis McElroy?

  At my tempo, cut.

• 26:23Griffin McElroy?

  Incredible.

• 26:26Travis McElroy?

  Every week, my office tests the fire alarm between 2:55 and 3:05. It scares me and every week, damn, that guy's really careful. We work at the gasoline factory.

• 26:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, right?

• 26:40Travis McElroy?

  Just gotta check it again.

• 26:42Griffin McElroy?

  I love the idea that you would need a fire alarm at the gasoline factory and it wouldn't be immediately hugely.

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:49Griffin McElroy?

  Instantaneously apparent.

• 26:52Travis McElroy?

  Nobody else in the office ever reacts. The exact time varies from week to week and it only lasts a few seconds. I've been at this job for over a year now and I'd like to figure out how to stop embarrassing myself on a weekly basis. How can I be more prepared for this noise scientifically designed to make me react? That's from dreaded drills in Dublin. That, can I tell you what's wild? There's many things that's wild about this, but here in Cincinnati, you guys have heard it many times. First Wednesday of every month, they test the tornado warning.

• 27:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 27:20Travis McElroy?

  At noon, first Wednesday of every month.

• 27:22Griffin McElroy?

  It has interrupted recording times and it's always extraordinarily eerie to hear because it's a, it's a pretty scary sirens.

• 27:29Travis McElroy?

  It sounds like an air raid sirens.

• 27:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Travis McElroy?

  I have lived in Cincinnati now for many, many years, uh, over a decade and a half. Tornadoes are not a normal thing. I don't know how often it comes up, but when you're working a job where they're testing it every Wednesday, the idea that you would know it's Wednesday consistently every week, to the point where if it went off on a Tuesday or Thursday, your immediate thought would be today's definitely not Wednesday. This is a problem. Like your first thought is going to be when you hear it, ah, Wednesday again, because that's how life works.

• 28:09Griffin McElroy?

  Well, they don't confirm, do they confirm that it's the same day? I don't think so. It's just that it happens at 2:55 to 3:05 PM some, some days, once a week.

• 28:19Travis McElroy?

  I thought it said every Wednesday. Yeah, once a week. This is what I'm saying. Oh. This person is so careful. Every week, they test the fire alarm between 2:55 and 3:05. You shouldn't be allowed. For who? You can't do it different days because then that's not.

• 28:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Well, but Travis, fire comes any goddamn day it wants to. Fires burn on Monday.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  Doesn't.

• 28:43Griffin McElroy?

  Monday to Sunday.

• 28:45Travis McElroy?

  Unless you're doing, like, you're training for, like, a battleship under siege and you're, like, doing, like, rappel borders training where it's like every week you do the drill. We're, we've got, you're gonna have the fire escape plan down, right? Like, no one has ever done a fire. I can't remember a time in school when they would do fire drills and every student or even any student would be like, let's take this seriously, guys. Like, it never.

• 29:16Griffin McElroy?

  Save for me, captain of the fire patrol.

• 29:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:19Griffin McElroy?

  Trying to get my trip to.

• 29:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I was fire patrol too. Yeah. I mean, I was, I was captain of fire patrol. I got kicked off, saying, these drills are not important. But. Wow. You never treat it like it's a real fire. If I knew that my office did this, this is not, I would leave during this time period. I would not be around. I would find a reason to not. I hate this.

• 29:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  This sucks. If I, I don't like the very loud, like, no thanks. It's gonna be so loud.

• 29:45Griffin McElroy?

  How do you feel about the sudden? Do you like the sudden?

• 29:47Travis McElroy?

  So, well, sudden, this is the worst. Sudden, but you know that it is coming, right? You know it's gonna be in this window, but you don't know exactly when. No, thanks.

• 29:57Griffin McElroy?

  So you can be scared of it.

• 29:58Travis McElroy?

  I'll go to Walgreens. Thanks. I gotta get my medicine for my utility drink. If I don't add another little thing to it every day, it coagulates. So I gotta. That's fair. Add the stuff. I gotta add the anticoagulant. You gotta keep it at 73.5 degrees. Um, right. I think that one of the problems, and I think we can address this right now. This is an easy solve. When a fire alarm kicks on or alarm, it kicks on full blast right at the start. And that's gonna disorient you.

• 30:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:28Travis McElroy?

  Right? Because now you gotta get used to the fact it's going on. You gotta calm it down. It shocked your system.

• 30:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 30:32Travis McElroy?

  We need something with a slow, and not even slow, but like a ramp up.

• 30:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:37Travis McElroy?

  Right? Like, the fire alarm is also, like, is there a fire? Right? So it's like a beep?

• 30:44Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah, I mean, why even? B? What are they testing when they test the fire alarm system? That all the things are doing the noise, right? Why does the noise during the test have to be a scary honk noise? Why can't it be September by Earth, Wind & Fire? Like something to get the, get the office move in?

• 31:02Travis McElroy?

  Probably not September. We don't want to go with that for obvious reasons. Well, you wouldn't want Earth, Wind & Fire either. You know, you would want- Yeah, that's like, that's like a bunch of the natural disasters all kind of rolled into-

• 31:13Griffin McElroy?

  That's a fair, that's a fair point.

• 31:14Travis McElroy?

  Rolled into one.

• 31:15Griffin McElroy?

  What if on the day that they test the fire alarms, the boss can decide that that is at the time that everyone can also punch out? So you hear the fire alarm, all of a sudden it's not something that you're scared of. It's something you're excited for. Cause when the fire alarm goes off, everybody gets to go home for the day.

• 31:35Travis McElroy?

  Or you could say like it's the first 10 people get to punch out, right? Like the first 10 to the-

• 31:40Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, cool. Yeah.

• 31:41Travis McElroy?

  Right, so now everybody's-

• 31:43Griffin McElroy?

  First 10 people to leave the building?

• 31:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. That's gonna also increase that Pavlovian response, right? When you hear the fire alarm, get the fuck out of the building.

• 31:52Griffin McElroy?

  Gotta get out of the building. I want to go home and fucking chill. That's good.

• 31:56Travis McElroy?

  That's a good idea. You incentivize a little bit of the carrot rather than than the stick. You know, you're incentivizing people. What if you had just like a huge cooler, full of Mountain Dews outside?

• 32:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:05Travis McElroy?

  And just pops it open like-

• 32:07Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. I haven't done a fire drill in a-

• 32:10Travis McElroy?

  And a slip and slide from the front door of the cooler. Just like post soccer, just like after soccer. It was like a bunch of boxes, Little Debbie's, a bunch of juices.

• 32:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you catch more flies with honey than fire is, is what I, my grandpa always taught me.

• 32:21Travis McElroy?

  And even more with Little Debbie's. You catch a lot of flies with Little Debbie's. Hey, let's take a quick break, a quick sojourn, and then we'll return.

• 32:40Travis McElroy?

  Hello. Um, thank you for coming. I appreciate you coming. Uh, my name is Daniel Worthington. I'm of course the CEO of the Pretty Kitty Committee. And I have some unfortunate news today. We are, uh, forced to ban the use of Smalls from competition in the Pretty Kitty Committee. Unfortunately, it is just too high quality. The cats, uh, it creates an unfair disparity between the cats that are enjoying Smalls. These protein packed meals, uh, are a hundred percent human grade. They're delicious. I, I eat them every morning, of course.

• 33:19Travis McElroy?

  But of course, I, no more cats consuming Smalls will be permitted to compete to the Pretty Kitty Committee.

• 33:26Griffin McElroy?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 33:29Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, Griffin raised his hand, but Travis is making cat noises, so he wins. Yep. Um, yes, thank you. Um. Did you not have a question? What mag, what funny magazine are you from? Oh, I'm. I'd like to know the name of a funny magazine. Time Magazine. Hmm. Okay. Uh, one, we voted you the Person of the Year for not only your work with the Pretty.

• 33:54Griffin McElroy?

  What's his fucking name?

• 33:56Travis McElroy?

  Daniel Worthing.

• 33:57Griffin McElroy?

  No, try Justin. I want Travis to answer.

• 34:00Travis McElroy?

  Sorry. Dr. Professor Worthington. Yeah. Um, but also why not just give, why not? I'm Emperor Worthington. Emperor Dr. Professor Worthington. Why not just give all the cat Smalls and make it fair? Yeah. Well, Travis, that would be very good for the cats, of course. Eighty-eight percent of cat owners reported overall health improvements. But what about the, yes, Travis? You have another question? Well, so it doesn't seem like there's a reason not. To give the cats.

• 34:35Griffin McElroy?

  If it makes the cats, yeah.

• 34:38Griffin McElroy?

  I, if we could get around to my question too, and it is a.

• 34:40Travis McElroy?

  Yes, Griffin, you had a question. What was your magazine?

• 34:43Griffin McElroy?

  My, I'm, I'm not on a magazine. I'm the COO of Pretty, the Pretty Kitty Committee. You should know that we've worked together for 45 years. They are a sponsor of us. And I feel like banning Smalls cat food because it's so good for cats. And you've been using it for a long time and your cats have never looked sexier.

• 35:08Travis McElroy?

  Yes, my cats are sexier than ever before. You're right, Griffin. Hey, Griffin, thank you.

• 35:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yep, so, but you didn't really, thank, the thank you is nice to receive one of those after 45 years is awesome, actually, for me. But I do, you didn't really address the issue, which is that Smalls is one of our sponsors this week. And I'm worried that banning them from the competition that they are sponsoring sends a message that they won't like.

• 35:36Travis McElroy?

  Yes, old friend. For 45 years, you've been a steady hand on the till. And once again, you have steered me right. Smalls is a sponsor of this program and thus we are requiring Smalls for all cats in the Pretty Kitty Committee.

• 35:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:53Travis McElroy?

  Uh, stop serving your little carnivore bowl of processed shortcuts for a limited time. Because you are a, my brother, my brother, be listener, a member of the Pretty Kitty Committee. Get 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life. When you head to Smalls.com slash my brother. That's 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life. When you head to Smalls.com slash my brother. Listen, as a journalist, I'm so excited to be here. Unfortunately, Time Magazine has dissolved. So now I've decided to start my own independent.

• 36:26Griffin McElroy?

  We bought them.

• 36:27Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  It's Cat Fancy 2.

• 36:29Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 36:29Griffin McElroy?

  We're doing another Cat Fancy.

• 36:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm going to start my own independent journalism website where I can report on this breaking news. That Smalls is required by the Pretty Kitty Committee. Um, so I've turned to Squarespace to build my website. So that I can publish all these breaking stories and also my coverage of, you know, wars and political stuff. So it'll be wars and political stuff and news about the Pretty Kitty Committee will be like my main focus.

• 36:59Griffin McElroy?

  Trav, you're no great shakes in the brains department. How do you?

• 37:01Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 37:02Griffin McElroy?

  Why do you think that you're gonna be able to pull this off?

• 37:04Travis McElroy?

  Well, even a real dumb dumb like me with mushy head can um build a website with Squarespace because they have all kinds of uh helpful tools and intuitive design and services that they offer to help me um do the things I need to offer my goods and my services and get paid all in place. It'll make me uh seem professional in a way that I simply am not.

• 37:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:30Travis McElroy?

  Um and the cutting edge designs will uh really cloud and mask the fact that I'm just a real stupid face.

• 37:38Griffin McElroy?

  He didn't say that.

• 37:39Travis McElroy?

  With macaroni for brains.

• 37:41Griffin McElroy?

  You need to show Justin some grace for the thing he said.

• 37:44Travis McElroy?

  No, I have macaroni for brains. Um overcooked macaroni brains.

• 37:48Griffin McElroy?

  You have macaroni brains.

• 37:49Travis McElroy?

  Didn't say any of that.

• 37:51Griffin McElroy?

  He didn't say any of that.

• 37:52Travis McElroy?

  It was deeply implied.

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  I think I think it was deeply implied that I have overcooked macaroni brains with raisins.

• 38:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:01Travis McElroy?

  I don't know why you're saying this Travis.

• 38:03Griffin McElroy?

  I love Squarespace. I bet Justin's probably gonna use Squarespace.

• 38:07Travis McElroy?

  You guys didn't invite me to be on the board of the Pretty Kitty Committee. I had to become a journalist just to be in the room where it happened.

• 38:13Griffin McElroy?

  Well, Justin offered you that. Here's what happened Travis. Justin offered you that role. You said, yes, please. He offered me that role. Did you hear what I did? I said, no, I'm taking a bigger role in this sketch. You have to do that here, man. You know it's cutthroat. Sometimes someone sets you up for something.

• 38:27Travis McElroy?

  Dress for the job you want.

• 38:28Griffin McElroy?

  And you gotta say, no, I don't want that part. I want a bigger part that's bigger than your part even.

• 38:34Travis McElroy?

  I'm Garfield.

• 38:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And I didn't even have to do a voice. Justin did a voice. I didn't even do a voice and I still wanted that bigger part.

• 38:43Travis McElroy?

  Can I take Justin's part? Yeah, it's no problem.

• 38:47Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta do the voice.

• 38:47Travis McElroy?

  I'm Samuel Worthington.

• 38:49Griffin McElroy?

  That's good.

• 38:50Travis McElroy?

  President of the Pretty Kitty Committee.

• 38:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's good.

• 38:53Travis McElroy?

  And I'm requiring all cats to build a website with Squarespace.

• 38:59Griffin McElroy?

  I love this voice you guys do.

• 39:01Travis McElroy?

  Cats can do it?

• 39:02Griffin McElroy?

  I love this.

• 39:03Travis McElroy?

  Cats.

• 39:04Griffin McElroy?

  This voice you guys do, which I've named Daniel Day-Lewis.

• 39:09Griffin McElroy?

  Is is really very practiced and a featured guest here on the show. Hey, head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial.

• 39:18Travis McElroy?

  No, I was going to say it.

• 39:18Griffin McElroy?

  Too late, and when you're ready to launch.

• 39:20Travis McElroy?

  Hey, whether you're human or a kitty, head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Is a cat not entitled to a website and smalls? No, says the man in Washington. I, I click your Squarespace. I click it up.

• 39:46Speaker 04

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• 40:30Speaker 05

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• 40:30Speaker 06

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• 40:33Speaker 05

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• 40:40Speaker 05

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 40:59Speaker 06

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• 41:00Speaker 05

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 41:06Speaker 06

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• 41:08Speaker 05

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 41:14Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch.

• 41:22Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 41:25Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 41:26Griffin McElroy?

  Squad Bojangles jump scare.

• 41:29Travis McElroy?

  Bojangles jump scare indeed. I just had to share these little beauties with you guys.

• 41:33Griffin McElroy?

  Shit dog.

• 41:34Travis McElroy?

  Their Bojangles is turning up the flavor this summer with the return of a fan favorite breakfast staple. Now with an extra kick. Starting June 8th. Guests can enjoy the breakfast Bo Rito.

• 41:48Griffin McElroy?

  All of this is so shiny. Everything, everything on the screen is shiny.

• 41:54Travis McElroy?

  So good. The gloss of this thing is beautiful. Back by popular demand, it delivers a hearty handheld breakfast. Packed with Bojangles flavor. This original features country style sausage, fluffy eggs, crispy bow rounds. That's a hash browns.

• 42:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:13Travis McElroy?

  Melty Monterey Jack cheese and southern sausage gravy all wrapped up in a warm flour tortilla and served with Texas Pete hot sauce. Now, if you want to start the day with a little more fire. The new fuego.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  Pair it with a utility drink. Only at Bojangles.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  Belt on the same craveable foundation, the fuego version adds a spicy ghost pepper sauce, all wrapped in a warm red tortilla.

• 42:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:40Travis McElroy?

  To let you know.

• 42:41Griffin McElroy?

  To let you know this is spicy.

• 42:43Travis McElroy?

  That's how I want to start my day, knowing that in four hours, it's gonna be dicey. What's interesting guys, and I think this is so cool, is that the Bo Rito lineup is designed for convenience without sacrificing the brand's signature.

• 42:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:59Travis McElroy?

  Made from scratch quality.

• 43:01Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that is interesting, doesn't it?

• 43:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. When I see this, I think, hmm. Most made from scratch. High quality. So they're still like doing it.

• 43:10Griffin McElroy?

  You know, you know how like in Stardew Valley, when it's like winter and you're just trying to get through it so that you can like get back to farming and stuff? And you'll just wake up and then you'll immediately click on the bed and go right back to sleep until tomorrow. I feel like what Bojangles has offered here as a breakfast dining option is the food equivalent of that. Where I could have one of these Tuesday morning and then Tuesday's over.

• 43:37Griffin McElroy?

  Tuesday, done, and we're on to Wednesday.

• 43:39Travis McElroy?

  Your journal entry for Wednesday is just like, rough one yesterday.

• 43:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  Period.

• 43:44Griffin McElroy?

  Short day.

• 43:45Travis McElroy?

  End of entry.

• 43:46Griffin McElroy?

  Hibernating. Hibernating, slept for twenty-three and one-half hours.

• 43:51Travis McElroy?

  Just enough to drive to Bojangles and back, and I didn't even get to finish the burrito before I was back asleep.

• 43:58Griffin McElroy?

  Still haven't finished a whole one of them.

• 44:00Travis McElroy?

  The name burrito is great, because if you say it like a normal person would say burrito, but you say it enough, it just, your friends would start to worry you don't know how to pronounce burrito correctly.

• 44:11Griffin McElroy?

  I have a bo-rito.

• 44:12Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna have a burrito.

• 44:14Griffin McElroy?

  Bo-rito.

• 44:15Travis McElroy?

  I'll, uh.

• 44:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, can I get one of those?

• 44:17Travis McElroy?

  Give me one bo-rito.

• 44:20Griffin McElroy?

  You were saying burrito?

• 44:22Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no.

• 44:22Griffin McElroy?

  A bo-rito.

• 44:24Travis McElroy?

  Our breakfast bo-rito was so well-received by guests last year that we decided to bring the heat for its return to the menu this year. And the new fuego breakfast bo-rito does just that, says Marshall Scarborough.

• 44:37Griffin McElroy?

  Bojangles' Vice President of Menu and Culinary Innovation.

• 44:41Travis McElroy?

  They're back. That's Marshall Scarborough.

• 44:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's Travis McElroy's Time Magazine.

• 44:47Travis McElroy?

  Have you thought about bo-ree-bo and just get it?

• 44:51Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 44:52Travis McElroy?

  Maybe across? Griffin, I got one for you, too.

• 44:54Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, good.

• 44:55Travis McElroy?

  This one's just for, this is.

• 44:57Griffin McElroy?

  Just for Griffin?

• 44:58Travis McElroy?

  It's just, well, it's not just for Griffin, but it is, uh, let's see here. I want to share with Griffin, because Griffin would, would, uh, I think appreciate the story. Love Island, Griffin, it has their own, uh, drinks at Scooter's Coffee.

• 45:13Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  I don't know why, but, uh, summer love is in the air at Scooter's Coffee with the launch of four new hot drinks.

• 45:19Griffin McElroy?

  One of those is just a Red Bull, hold on.

• 45:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, one, they're, one of, yeah, uh, they're bombshells. They can only be described as bombshells. With strawberry heart jellies swimming in a pool of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors, it's hard not to fall in love with these refreshing drinks, launching June eighteenth. God, I haven't looked for a quote by Nick Lachey in this, there's not one, sorry, guys.

• 45:39Griffin McElroy?

  There is, okay.

• 45:40Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Nick Lachey is Love Island.

• 45:41Griffin McElroy?

  That's not his show.

• 45:42Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the, the matcha latte.

• 45:45Griffin McElroy?

  And I couldn't get it.

• 45:47Travis McElroy?

  Matcha latte with red heart jelly candies in it.

• 45:50Griffin McElroy?

  Unless I barf, dude.

• 45:51Travis McElroy?

  It's upsetting, in such, why would I want?

• 45:54Griffin McElroy?

  Sucks.

• 45:56Travis McElroy?

  Why would I want jelly candies in anything, let alone my matcha latte?

• 46:02Travis McElroy?

  Don't worry Travis, they have a perfect match for you. Oh, they do. Bombshell matcha latte is the ideal poolside companion starring our earthy and naturally sweet matcha with a side of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors. Strawberry heart jellies pop up in this bright green drink, making To choke you to death. To kill you. Disgusting.

• 46:22Travis McElroy?

  Um, there, you can get these bombshells, uh, at Scooter's Coffee locations beginning June 18th, Griffin, so. If you dare.

• 46:30Griffin McElroy?

  Can I just, this is, this is weird to admit, I do not fuck with Love Island.

• 46:35Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can I say, Griff, me too.

• 46:37Griffin McElroy?

  I tried, it just kinda sucks. It just kinda sucks. And it's weird, cause it's like, it'd be like if you met someone who was like, I don't know, like a big sports guy and watched all this televised sports that there was, and you were like, what about football? And that person was like, I fucking can't stand football, it sucks.

• 46:56Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 46:57Griffin McElroy?

  I like all the other stuff, but this one is not good.

• 47:02Griffin McElroy?

  The host just hangs out, the host is the same age as the people on the show, and she just kinda hangs out with them all the time. Where's the distinction? Oh, minion.

• 47:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Huh. Hey, check this out, I just wanted to let you guys know Wendy's is, um, Dan Leish Minions and Monsters Meal with a new Banana Frosty Swirl. Why did they decide, do you think, that a minion with a video camera pointed at me making food decisions?

• 47:27Griffin McElroy?

  Eat these tenders.

• 47:27Travis McElroy?

  Is the best way? Maybe the best image I've ever seen, and I bet Andy Warhol wishes he had made it, because it's like so good, cause the minion is, you're having your 15 minions of fame right now, and it's him filming you looking at the minions.

• 47:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's really good. Yeah, the composition, the composition of this is, is, it's really, we got a big bowl of apple slices that will go untouched. We got two big, long, beautiful amber-hued chicken tenders.

• 47:57Travis McElroy?

  Uncontained.

• 47:58Griffin McElroy?

  Uncontained chicken tendies, we've got a big sort of 12-ouncer of straight milk, it looks like, in a clear plastic cup. Is it a milkshake? Is it a something, is it a Frosty?

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  Frosty Swirl.

• 48:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Vanilla Frosty, and then we've got a little

• 48:10Travis McElroy?

  Why not put that in them? In a Wendy's cup.

• 48:12Griffin McElroy?

  Then we got a little, a little dipping cup of Zesty Ranch dipping sauce and a minion pointing canary. It's really, um, it evokes the Renaissance.

• 48:22Travis McElroy?

  They've also chosen like the minion who is famously yellow on kind of a very yellowish green background.

• 48:31Griffin McElroy?

  Chartreuse, he blends in, yeah.

• 48:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's almost like he's trying to sneak up on me and hurt me.

• 48:37Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 48:37Travis McElroy?

  Uh, this is, okay, so there's two meals. You're looking at the, uh, uh, Monsters and Minions Kids Meal.

• 48:45Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 48:45Travis McElroy?

  Available now. And. I was thinking that this isn't mature enough for my grown folks.

• 48:51Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah, they don't really offer apple slices in adult meals, and I think that's bullshit.

• 48:56Travis McElroy?

  I need it the most.

• 48:57Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:58Travis McElroy?

  Yes, right. I'd love to enjoy some apple slices. What a treat that would be. Remember when meals used to have desserts, you know, in my day?

• 49:04Griffin McElroy?

  You're Lewish again.

• 49:05Travis McElroy?

  So the Kids Meal is choice of two, two piece chicken tenders, four piece nuggets, a hamburger or a cheeseburger.

• 49:11Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 49:12Travis McElroy?

  Hot and crispy fries, uh, or apple bites. Wink. Kids drink. They're getting the fries.

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  I love this.

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  This is not even like.

• 49:20Griffin McElroy?

  I love it.

• 49:20Travis McElroy?

  So crazy that they put it up. Has anybody ever legitimately asked your kids? No kid. Ask a kid sometime. They will laugh in your face. They'll spit in your face.

• 49:28Griffin McElroy?

  No joke.

• 49:29Travis McElroy?

  I've tried at multiple locations to be like, you know what? We'll get the apple slices. And the answer is always, oh, we don't have those.

• 49:35Griffin McElroy?

  They don't have them.

• 49:35Travis McElroy?

  They didn't think you'd ask for them.

• 49:37Griffin McElroy?

  But they do have the choice of two chicken tenders or four chicken nuggets. They are offering you basically, how, how much of a chicken continuum are you looking for? Would you like, you could make Morse code. Do you want a dot of chicken or a dash of chicken?

• 49:54Travis McElroy?

  Do you want a built in intermission?

• 49:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 49:57Travis McElroy?

  Uh, so the Wendy's, the, the, the minions and monsters meal, and there's a lot, there's a lot to offer. Here, uh, let me see here. I want to show you the, I have a full image here that I can share with you.

• 50:09Griffin McElroy?

  Is there an adult version of this that you're?

• 50:13Travis McElroy?

  So there's an adult meal, right? The adult meal for adults is a banana frosty swirl. A big bacon classic or spicy chicken sandwich.

• 50:24Griffin McElroy?

  Banana. Say banana like.

• 50:25Travis McElroy?

  Here's the, here's the thing that I really want to highlight with you guys. If you look at the bottom of the image here.

• 50:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:30Travis McElroy?

  You can see the kids meal toys, which are James and Gumi and Richard and Ed.

• 50:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:37Travis McElroy?

  Dort and Henry, all the greats, right? But if you get an adult meal.

• 50:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:45Travis McElroy?

  Then maybe you'll get one of the adult collectibles.

• 50:49Griffin McElroy?

  They are all doing rude gestures.

• 50:52Travis McElroy?

  The best partnerships, the best partnerships start with an understanding of what our fans are passionate about. Says Lindsey Radkowski, the US Chief Marketing Officer for the Wendy's company. By bringing together one of the world's most beloved entertainment franchises with Wendy's iconic. High quality food our customers love. We're creating shared experiences that fans will go bananas for.

• 51:18Griffin McElroy?

  I get it. Awesome.

• 51:22Griffin McElroy?

  It's, we can't drive this point home hard enough. The kids meal toys come with six different minion and monsters collectible toys. And the adult meals come with four completely different collectible toys.

• 51:36Travis McElroy?

  In a blind box.

• 51:37Griffin McElroy?

  In a blind box.

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  They're not collectible toys. You sound like a fucking idiot. They are minions and monsters, blind box, collectibles. You can collect them all and unlock the full minions.

• 51:50Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, you don't play with these things.

• 51:52Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, you display these in your china cabinet.

• 51:55Griffin McElroy?

  Let's take this apart. You can't have four collectibles. That's fucking crazy. You can't have four things and be like, collect them all. There's fucking four of them.

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  They say toy, in the press release, they do say toys for the kids and collectibles.

• 52:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome. They look identical.

• 52:15Travis McElroy?

  Except they have Wendy's, the adult ones. Have Wendy's. The minions are like Wendy's food items, cause they don't adults and they they're in a blind box and the kids are in clear packaging, you know what I mean? Yeah. Adults have to guess which one they're getting. Famously, kids hate wine boxes.

• 52:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and adults fucking can't get enough of, spend $7 or something my kid might be hugely disappointed in? Yeah, I don't mind if I do. Let's get 20.

• 52:45Travis McElroy?

  I do, guys, can I say though? I know one adult that is seeing the minions dressed as Wendy's food and is kind of losing his fucking mind over here. I would do anything, man. Look at him. Is it? Can you guys not see it? James looks like Wendy and Ed looks like fries. Yeah. Henry looks like a Frosty, are you kidding me? What is Gumi? Gumi's a bad. Gumi's the, Gumi's the monster. He's the evil guy, I bet. I'm not gonna go see the. I bet they become friends by the end. I cannot start paying attention to the minions trailers. I just gotta see the movies, you know what I mean? I can't.

• 53:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:24Travis McElroy?

  I mean, if you're making a Gumi drink.

• 53:27Griffin McElroy?

  Gumi, let me.

• 53:28Travis McElroy?

  I don't think he's pure evil. Gumi, well, yeah, I bet he'll turn it around by the end of it. Yeah, there's pineapple minion mishy fizz and Gumi's glimy lime. Could we have drink names that don't try to sound like they're trying to trick me into saying a slur, please? Like, could we just have a normal, like, normal names, please?

• 53:48Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like those mispronounces would be canceled.

• 53:50Travis McElroy?

  It's a grimy limey. Grimy limey daddy. That Gumi's one grimy lime. Gumi might be something, like, there's people listening somewhere in a different country who are like.

• 54:03Griffin McElroy?

  Did he say?

• 54:03Travis McElroy?

  I can't fucking believe. Uh, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's been called My Brother, My Brother and Me since we started it and there's just no way to change it elegantly, unfortunately. Critics have called it My Brother, My Brother and Me. Yeah.

• 54:19Griffin McElroy?

  They all agree, it's that one.

• 54:21Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I wanted to give a brief plug. We never do this, but, uh, our friends Weird Al and Puddles Pity Party both contributed to our Candle Nights video last year. And I want to say I saw them in Charleston. Uh, last week and it was a great show, so you should get out there and see them. If you want to laugh and have a great evening of entertainment, they don't need my plug, but here it is. I really enjoyed the hell out of it. I wanted to make a plug, and we always do this. We have merch over at the Macro Merch Store, including the Make It Stick sticky notes designed by Evan Cruz. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ+ people

• 55:04Travis McElroy?

  and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work.

• 55:09Griffin McElroy?

  I want to do just a quick plug for, if you go to theadventurzonecomic.com, you can preorder the last Tas Balance graphic novel adaptation, Story and Song. It comes out in one month. We're doing a book release event in Boston. Tickets go on sale, I mean, they're on sale right now, actually, as you are hearing this, and the event is July 16th at 7:00 PM at the Chevalier Theater. And each ticket comes with a signed paperback copy of Story and Song, provided by Brookline Booksmith. What?

• 55:36Travis McElroy?

  I think it's Chevalier.

• 55:38Griffin McElroy?

  Chevalier?

• 55:40Travis McElroy?

  Do you think it's Chevalier?

• 55:41Griffin McElroy?

  Chevalier? Chevalier? Well, I mean, if you, locals know what it is, what it means, you know?

• 55:49Travis McElroy?

  Locals know what it is! Nineties, nineties kids, remember?

• 55:54Griffin McElroy?

  Come on down to Cheval, the Chevrolet Theater.

• 55:57Travis McElroy?

  Chevrolet Theater? That's why it's sponsored.

• 56:00Griffin McElroy?

  I got in a big box of copies of the book yesterday, and it's the heaviest thing in the universe, because this book is so fucking thick with emotion and story and

• 56:12Travis McElroy?

  And songs.

• 56:13Griffin McElroy?

  and song and art, and I can't fucking wait for this book to come out, y'all.

• 56:19Travis McElroy?

  Throw it.

• 56:20Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks to Montane for the use for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." We are associated with Montane, and so I'll say, if you have the chance to get out to see them in concert, you should do so. I have, I would love to see Montane in concert.

• 56:35Travis McElroy?

  Me too.

• 56:36Griffin McElroy?

  Montane, come to just the cities where we live and

• 56:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm gonna throw our book.

• 56:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit, yeah.

• 56:43Travis McElroy?

  Look at this beefy guy.

• 56:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I see you're about one-third of the way into it. You're gonna, you're gonna lose your place, man.

• 56:50Travis McElroy?

  That's okay. I remember what happened. I'll just say this, if I'd known how good the last one was, I would have tried harder on the first ones.

• 56:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yep. Here we go.

• 57:02Griffin McElroy?

  That was good, dude.

• 57:04Travis McElroy?

  That looked like you were welcoming the book as a guest to our podcast. It just got in your way. What you didn't see too, I don't know if it played, but I clipped my monitor too as I threw it.

• 57:11Griffin McElroy?

  No, awesome. It did have a rotation, that's sick, dude.

• 57:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. My name is Justin McElroy. And it still works.

• 57:22Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, my brother, kiss your dad, square the lips.