Meet Joe Opio - My Favorite People

In this episode of My Favorite People, Trevor, Eugene, and Dave chat with Daily Show writer Joe Opio, a man so relentlessly happy they are convinced he was sent from another planet to mock their collective anxiety.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Trevor Noah?

  I will apologize on behalf of South Africans then, to you as a fellow African.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  A apology accepted, yes.

• 0:05Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, as a fellow African, we didn't mean to leave you in the dust. We're not trying to do this intentionally. However, your beef is misplaced. Because when we listened to Sean Paul and other like reggae raga artists and all of that dance hall and all of those vibes, those guys would switch things up in the middle of a sentence. We, what did we say?

• 0:26Speaker 01

  I'll say this.

• 0:27Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I'll say this to counter.

• 0:28Trevor Noah?

  Just give me the light.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  I'll say this. If you listen.

• 0:31Trevor Noah?

  If you listen to reggae.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  If you listen to reggae.

• 0:34Trevor Noah?

  If you listen to reggae raga. Let me tell you something now. Give me the pop in the club.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  You're listening, you're listening to it wrong.

• 0:40Trevor Noah?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  You did, that's what I'm saying.

• 0:45Trevor Noah?

  Like where the sentence starts.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  But you brought me in with one thing.

• 0:49Trevor Noah?

  Just give me the light.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  No, but no one listens to reggae for the rhythm.

• 0:53Trevor Noah?

  Okay, give me the light.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  You listen for the, you listen for the beat.

• 1:06Trevor Noah?

  This is What Now with Trevor Noah.

• 1:12Trevor Noah?

  This episode is a paid partnership with Apple Card. Did you know Apple Card is the only credit card designed for iPhone? That's right. It lives on your iPhone in the Wallet app and you get daily cash back on every purchase. And because fees don't help you, Apple Card doesn't have any. So if your credit card isn't Apple Card, maybe it should be. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 17.74% to 27.99% based on credit worthiness. Rates as of November 1, 2025. Existing customers can view their variable APR in the Wallet app or at card.apple.com. Terms and more at applecard.com.

• 1:56Trevor Noah?

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• 2:31Trevor Noah?

  This segment is brought to you by Google Pixel. You know what's really frustrating? Knowing the exact information you need is somewhere on your phone, but still ending up wasting your time digging through five different apps just to actually find it. Thankfully, Google Pixel 11 is designed with Gemini intelligence, so it can proactively find the information I need right when I need it. Like my flight info on travel days or my calendar when Eugene texts me to hang out. Oh, sorry Eugene, I'm booked. Learn more about what Google Pixel 11 can do at googlestore.com. These AI features are available in select countries and languages for users 18 and over, and make sure to check responses.

• 3:16Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, booked forever, forever. This episode is brought to you by Verizon.

• 3:23Trevor Noah?

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• 4:08Trevor Noah?

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• 4:35Trevor Noah?

  Today, the goal was to hang out with Joseph Opio, one of my favorite people. This guy right here, Ugandan, honorary South African, fellow Daily Show writer, co-conspirator, stand-up comedian, sports enthusiast, football buff. That was my goal today, was to hang out with him, okay? Then what happened was, then what happened was, you came out of nowhere, okay? Which is a wonderful blessing, but you came out of nowhere because it was another friend's birthday.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  With a plastic bag.

• 5:08Trevor Noah?

  You came with a plastic bag full of 0% alcohol.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  It's hard to get 0% Guinness.

• 5:15Trevor Noah?

  Yes, so you came with 0% alcohol.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  It's hard to carry it.

• 5:18Trevor Noah?

  Which is like the ultimate, it's the ultimate like paradox. It's like someone who's like, "I came for the party, but I don't like parties."

• 5:28Trevor Noah?

  Okay, so that's when you came. Now, because we all rolled together, we are in this thing. So now, I'll answer your question. So it's not an interview, I just wanted to hang out with Joe, right?

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Why are there cameras and, or why? Because you could have just, you assume he's one of your favorite people.

• 5:44Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  So I assume that up until this point, you've hung out.

• 5:48Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Cool. Now, you decided to hang out.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Are you going to hang?

• 5:54Trevor Noah?

  Okay, so now let me ask you this.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Can we play table tennis now? Let's play some table tennis.

• 5:58Trevor Noah?

  I don't have a table. If there was table tennis, we could play.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Because we have to do the interview.

• 6:01Trevor Noah?

  If there was table, no, actually, if there was table tennis, we could do it. Let me answer your question this way. Why do you make a sex tape? Because people have sex. People have sex.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  No, because we want to watch back the tape.

• 6:11Trevor Noah?

  Thank you. You want to have something for posterity. So you have sex already and then sometimes you go, you know what? Let's record this.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Sometimes.

• 6:21Trevor Noah?

  So I hope that answers some of your question now.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  It doesn't answer some of my question.

• 6:24Trevor Noah?

  It does. You said, why are there cameras? Sometimes you want to record it.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:30Trevor Noah?

  You want to record the thing that you do. So what I was going back to was, we were talking about food. This, this is like one of the perfect moments where you go like, this is why Joseph Opea is one of my favorite people. We were talking about food and the swag you have in a restaurant. When you no longer have, like if the, the menu, all the prices are something you can easily afford. There's like, there's nothing. So I was saying, remember the first time you didn't have to calculate? Because remember there was a moment where you'd order and you'd be like, they'd be like, what would you like? And then you knew what you liked, but what you were actually trying to think of was how do I, how do I add thirty five to forty seven?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  The first time you didn't have, that was a canon event.

• 7:03Trevor Noah?

  Exactly.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  It's also same as the first time you filled up the tank without.

• 7:07Trevor Noah?

  Yes, yes, exactly. It's in that same, yes, where you just go, fill it up.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Just fill it up.

• 7:12Trevor Noah?

  Yeah. So now, we were talking about this and then Joe was saying, ah, man. There's no greater pressure than having to calculate the amount of money that a date is going to cost you. When the date is sitting opposite you.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  In real time.

• 7:23Trevor Noah?

  Then he said, ah, it reminds me of that scene from Swordfish.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:27Trevor Noah?

  Then I went, what?

• 7:31Trevor Noah?

  Because I was like, who uses Swordfish as a reference?

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Yes. For making a decision under pressure.

• 7:40Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, Joe, Joe.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  It's an iconic scene.

• 7:43Trevor Noah?

  Joe.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  It's the ultimate scene.

• 7:44Trevor Noah?

  Swordfish?

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Yes. If you're thinking of making a decision under so much pressure.

• 7:49Trevor Noah?

  My friend.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  He had a gun to his head. He had to hack into the system. And then he had. A woman giving him head. Yeah? Yes. You left that part out. No, guys, that's why it's an iconic scene. You left that part out all along. We're talking about guns. People say guns are common. No. He didn't let me like set up the thing. No. I told him, iconic scene.

• 8:11Trevor Noah?

  That's not what I'm saying.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Iconic scene. Yes, no. Hugh Jackman is a hacker. John Provost has a gun to his head. You're taking him as getting a blowjob. Yes, and he had like, he had like a minute to hack into the system.

• 8:23Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  The pressure he was under.

• 8:25Trevor Noah?

  Okay, you're not. I was saying. You're not understanding what I'm saying.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:28Trevor Noah?

  I'm not saying that your choice of scene is incorrect.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:31Trevor Noah?

  I'm saying I have never in my life heard somebody go to Swordfish for. I've heard people say Mission Impossible, pressure, action. I've heard people say The Matrix, action. I've heard people go Titanic. I've heard people go.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Who in Titanic was under the most pressure?

• 8:47Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no. What I'm saying is like, there are movies.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:50Trevor Noah?

  That are generally thought of as the go to for like an example or for an idea.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:54Trevor Noah?

  Oh, you've been red pilled. It's from The Matrix.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  The Matrix, yeah.

• 8:56Trevor Noah?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought it was from vaccines.

• 8:59Trevor Noah?

  No, bro, it came from The Matrix.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Came from The Matrix, yeah. It got co-opted by the.

• 9:03Trevor Noah?

  Exactly.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  By the vaccine.

• 9:04Trevor Noah?

  But that's what I mean.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  Right, yeah. But the thing is, now I'm thinking you should change the people you hang out with.

• 9:09Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  These people are not cultured. You should change your favorite people if they can't make.

• 9:14Trevor Noah?

  No, but you're my favorite people and here you are. Here you are sword fishing me. In fact, that's what I'm gonna use it as now from now on.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Swordfish.

• 9:20Trevor Noah?

  I'm gonna say someone swordfished me.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:22Trevor Noah?

  And then they're gonna go, what does that mean? And I'm gonna say to swordfish somebody is to just bring up the most random.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  It's not random.

• 9:29Trevor Noah?

  Instance, yo, nobody knows swordfish.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Oh, come on.

• 9:32Trevor Noah?

  Do you know swordfish? Do you remember swordfish? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, let's ask the man off camera.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Of culture?

• 9:37Speaker 02

  I, I, you could use Swordfish, you could use was Hugh Jackman in Swordfish as a trivia question? And people would be for the 500,000 and who wants to be millionaire? And we'd be like, that's a good question. Nobody knows Swordfish.

• 9:51Trevor Noah?

  No one knows that.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  No, because people are not cultured.

• 9:53Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  I'm a man of culture. I'm a gentleman and a scholar and I watch both prestige movies and you know, I don't. The thing, the thing is, it's the scene that comes to mind. There's not a scene. Tell me of any other scene. Actually, it's also.

• 10:08Trevor Noah?

  A pressure scene.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  It's also the only scene that's memorable from the movie. Where Hugh Jackman gets a blowjob ever in his career. While, while. While hacking. It's the context and having a gun to his head.

• 10:17Trevor Noah?

  And he's got 60 seconds.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:21Trevor Noah?

  You're the worst.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  No, once I gave it context though, Eugene was on board.

• 10:29Trevor Noah?

  Eugene is just an agent of chaos, that's what Eugene is.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Double agent.

• 10:32Trevor Noah?

  Provocateur. Yeah, that's exactly what you are.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  We're speaking French now.

• 10:37Trevor Noah?

  Culture. Actually, I've always wanted to know that about you, like, how do you think you found that balance as a person? Because like, you have one of the strangest balances of probably any human being that I know. And what I mean by this is, there are a lot of people who will only watch like swordfish type movies, right? And then there'll be people who immerse themselves in just like the densest literature and you know, writings and books and blah blah blah, political, you know what I mean?

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:10Trevor Noah?

  You name it, political forays and this and that and this. You have the broadest taste and... Is this question to Joe or to me? No, to Joe. You don't have broad taste at all.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, their voice is very niche.

• 11:25Trevor Noah?

  You don't have broad taste at all. This guy.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  They're so niche, sometimes it comes off as pretentious.

• 11:33Trevor Noah?

  This is, can I tell you, this is gonna be the weirdest podcast because people are gonna go like, what is that other person? And then I don't even know how we explain it. So if you're watching or listening to this, you're going, what is happening? I'll tell you what's happening. There's a Ugandan here, then there's another Ugandan who's also South African and but he's not with us here.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Now you make it seem like it's chain migration. I came for this podcast and I brought you the context.

• 11:59Trevor Noah?

  Yes, that's what it feels like, that's what it feels like. It feels like we have like a spirit that's connected to you.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Ugandan from the beyond.

• 12:05Trevor Noah?

  Yes, yes.

• 12:07Trevor Noah?

  It's like, if we...

• 12:08Speaker 01

  You can't see him, you can hear his voice.

• 12:10Trevor Noah?

  If we get you all, if we get like one more, we get Zoran Mamdani as well.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Then Kaluuya.

• 12:19Trevor Noah?

  So, so the reason is, I'll tell you why it's not a question to you. It's because you are not, you are not broad at all.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  No, only because I have the answer.

• 12:28Trevor Noah?

  Of him?

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:29Trevor Noah?

  No, first I wanna hear his answer, then I wanna see what you.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, so give your answer.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Okay, so for me, I don't think I made a deliberate, I don't want to be put in a box, if that makes sense. So.

• 12:42Trevor Noah?

  So you, you'll purposely watch a terrible movie?

• 12:44Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, I don't think I made a deliberate choice.

• 12:46Trevor Noah?

  Okay, got it.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Cause I think like art in its very nature or like things can be appreciated regardless of the, can we say standard of quality? Like so Swordfish, not the greatest movie in the world.

• 12:58Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  But it had its moments. It's complex, almost, art is, it's almost like people. If that makes sense.

• 13:05Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  People can be appreciated because they have different, they bring like different nuances to everything. So a bad movie can have a great scene. The same way a great movie can have some bad scenes in it. So when I watch or when I'm reading like books, I'll read like the most, you know, what we call like smart books. Cause they have great moments and then I'll read the trashy novels. I'll go like on vacation and I'll read like a something. Yes. Okay, not exactly Mills and Bond, but it did have its moments when we were still teenagers. But I'm, I'm saying I don't, I don't have like exclusive niche taste.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  I know you're becoming very profound here, but you, you, you, you read Mills and Bond as a teenager.

• 13:46Trevor Noah?

  This guy's done everything. You, you're gonna, you're gonna understand by the end of this conversation why this guy's one of my favorite people. This man has done every, let me tell you one of my favorite stories. But before I do, Dave, what was your answer gonna be for him? Is it the same as?

• 13:59Speaker 02

  No, it's because you come from Uganda.

• 14:01Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  As we know, so in terms of.

• 14:03Trevor Noah?

  Sorry to interrupt you. I'm just gonna call this whole podcast, pardon interruption. Sorry to interrupt you. Can I just say what's really, what sounds funny is it almost feels like. Because you know you've got a thick accent.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Do I though, that's the question.

• 14:19Trevor Noah?

  Say.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  No, every time people say that, I go like, do I though? Cause no, no, no, no, no.

• 14:24Trevor Noah?

  Let me.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  Can I, can I, no, can I explain? Can I explain?

• 14:27Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  So I didn't know I had an accent till I left Uganda. Cause everyone in Uganda sounded like this.

• 14:35Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, no, no, that's true.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  So then I come to America, I go to South Africa and people go like, oh, you have an accent. And I'm like, no, you have an accent.

• 14:41Trevor Noah?

  You are not wrong.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  Yes, cause in my mind, when I speak, I sound like, I sound, I sound like Hugh Grant right now. When I'm, when I'm talking right now.

• 14:48Trevor Noah?

  You should go to Uganda and hear those.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  No, but what's great is like, he's like, I sound like Hugh Grant. I sound like, yes, I sound like an English aristocrat.

• 14:56Trevor Noah?

  No, and can I tell you something? If, I, I've seen your, so, so I've seen your writing and we'll go through this in stages. So I'll, I'll actually, we'll, we'll get back to the story. But in writing, because this man sitting here has a vocabulary that surpasses any human being I've met in my life. Like personally, person that I know. I, I don't know everyone in the world. This guy here, if I'm looking for a word, searching for a sentence, trying to fix grammar or structure. This person here knows more about the English language than anyone I've ever met. Right? Mm-hmm. So I get what you're saying. When you, right now, what you, what we heard was you. And then what you heard on the mic was you going, I, I don't understand why anybody thinks I have an accent.

• 15:39Trevor Noah?

  In fact, in fact, when you, when you think about Swordfish, when you think about Swordfish.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  In my mind.

• 15:45Trevor Noah?

  In my mind.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Let me tell you.

• 15:46Trevor Noah?

  Let me tell you, the first thing.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  When I had Trevor, when I, cause Trevor does impressions.

• 15:50Trevor Noah?

  Because Trevor does impressions.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Impressions.

• 15:52Trevor Noah?

  And when Trevor does impressions.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Impressions of people. So Trevor used to go like, I'm going to, this is, then just say this. Then Trevor would do an impression of me. And then I would go like, who is that guy?

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Cause I would go like, oh, that guy sounds, that guy sounds weird.

• 16:06Trevor Noah?

  Oh, God.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Who is, cause in my mind, I would go like, no, I don't sound like that, yes. Like every time.

• 16:14Trevor Noah?

  Now that you say that.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Every time Trevor, cause Trevor does you. He goes like, oh, I'm going to do it. He no, he does that. He goes like, so then Kiboka said, Trevor doesn't, Trevor doesn't do it like normal people. Cause you go like, oh, and then, and we go like, and then Eugene said this, and then we said, Trevor does you. He goes like, and then Joseph, then you do my, and I go like.

• 16:32Trevor Noah?

  Then you're like, hold on.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  I go like, wait, who is that weird? Why does he sound like that? Cause in my mind, I don't.

• 16:40Trevor Noah?

  Can I tell you, can I tell you what's so funny to me right now? Is the idea of this happening for the first time. Cause now to you, it seems like a crazy concept, but now imagine if you were hanging out with Hugh Grant. Right? And then you were telling a story about Hugh Grant. And then you go like, ah, man, Hugh, you're such a funny guy. You're such a funny guy. Like, I remember, and then Hugh Grant was like, what, what, what are you talking about? What, what did I do? And then you go like, oh, I'll tell you what, I was, I was at Subway with Hugh Grant. And then I go like, uh, which bread do you want? And then Hugh turns to me and then he's like, I'll tell you which bread I want. That's like basically what you're saying I did to you.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  That's every time. I would go like, I don't know who this guy is, but I also don't understand it. What like, I would go like, this guy sounds weird.

• 17:22Trevor Noah?

  So now what I'm, what I'm saying is, yeah, because you, at least you've seen it in practice though. In America, ob- obviously everyone has an accent when they're speaking another language if they're in another place. We all come from countries where second language is a thing, right? So, but what I'm saying is funny now is I knew your accent was thick. So I knew for the video side of the podcast, like this is going to be dope. Then I was like, on the audio side, I was like, can you do subtitles for audio? I didn't know if you could, right? Then now it almost feels like you, Dave came to, to be his like. Yeah, no, no, but to be like his like, yeah, but like almost, cause okay, Joe gave his answer. I was like, Joe, why do you have such broad taste? He gave his answer. Then Dave goes, no, let me tell you what it is.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Cause it comes from you.

• 18:06Trevor Noah?

  So yeah, tell us, so you're saying because.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  It, it all depends on when you first start sort of like living, you're, you have a range of experience that's offered to you.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Just as a person.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  If you live in Saudi Arabia, most likely you don't know about cold temperatures.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Yes. Because you just weren't born in cold temperatures, you know. If you live in New York City, you know Four Seasons, that kind of thing.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  So Joe, coming from Uganda, the third world, he knows their various things. For example, food. He knows food can come from a restaurant.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  It can come from a grocery store.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  It can come from a farm, but it can also come from the sky. You know when they drop the, when they drop.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  The guy just brought it.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  When the UN dropped the grains. You know when they're like.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Is that grain?

• 18:59Speaker 01

  I'll say, I'll say, I'll, I'll say this.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Most people.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  My god.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Just a moment, let me, let me, let me interrupt you. Yes, because they're talking about food. I remember first time I came to the US. So I didn't know the concept of healthy eating in that way, right?

• 19:13Speaker 02

  There it comes.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  And so when I came, Americans kept talking about organic food. And, oh, and they kept telling me, my friends, oh, you can get organic food from this place called Trader Joe's. And it's sometimes more expensive. And so I thought organic food was a brand. Then I went to.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Trader Joe's.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  And they were going like, oh, it comes from farm to table. And I'm like, oh, that's, as we call it, food in Uganda. Because everything, we don't have processed food.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  And so when you're talking about it, different, yes, like Dave is writing that.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  So for example, like in your mind, just even think of when grain falls from the sky. So now Joe, in just, I'm saying he's, he's broad palate.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Joe even knows which is the good grain and which is the bad grain, just from which plane is flying about.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  This guy just went like, I go like, avoid that.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  You see the Cessna?

• 20:14Speaker 03

  No, that's a P fifty two.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  Not, yeah, not ever come here.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  That's good grain over there.

• 20:17Trevor Noah?

  So here's, here's the thing, I, I hear, I hear what you mean by that, but I, I almost feel like it doesn't go deep enough because.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  I used to use that by as an excuse at the Daily Show to never make line for food. When we'd be in a food line at the Daily Show.

• 20:30Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  I would go like, wow, for shame, you're making an African line up for food again. This is what, this is what, this is why I came to America never to, and then white people go like, I guess he has to skip the line now.

• 20:41Trevor Noah?

  Hmm. That's a legend right there.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Hmm. I would go like, wow, I did, even water, I would go to, I would go like, hey, can you get me water? Tell the federal writer, can you get me water? And go like, oh, why? But like, I, I, I walked five miles and now you want me to walk to the kitchen as well?

• 20:57Trevor Noah?

  Damn, Joe.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Yes, you have to, I can't.

• 20:59Trevor Noah?

  What, what a superpower to have in a building full of liberals.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  They've got like, oh, we have to.

• 21:04Trevor Noah?

  What a superpower.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  Joe is the only guy amongst all of us who can walk into the New York Marathon and never have run a race. But look like he was participating.

• 21:14Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  In fact, he might look like he won.

• 21:16Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, you've got that like.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  Like you can go collect a medal now.

• 21:18Trevor Noah?

  He's, he's also, he also is one of the fits, he might, actually, he might actually run the marathon and win.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  But if, if he just puts on a vest.

• 21:25Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  And shorts after the new, and then you go queue for a medal, no one will ask you anything.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  I did run a marathon.

• 21:31Trevor Noah?

  Actually, actually, it's funny you bring that up. Do you remember, man, it's funny you say that. One of my favorite stories, Joe, was when, um.

• 21:40Trevor Noah?

  Uh, it was a movie premiere, it was Idris Elba, it was Idris Elba's, this was Idris Elba's movie.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:45Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Beasts of No Nation.

• 21:47Trevor Noah?

  Beasts of No Nation.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Never forget, yes.

• 21:49Trevor Noah?

  If I remember correctly, the movie was on Netflix, wasn't it?

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Ended up on Netflix, but they, they had a screening.

• 21:56Trevor Noah?

  Okay, okay, yeah, so.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  If you're a member of the Writers Guild, you're invited to screenings.

• 21:59Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  So that you can vote for the Oscars, you know?

• 22:02Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  And so I turn up to watch the movie, brilliant movie, loved it. Then we go, cause at the screening, then they have like a party afterwards.

• 22:11Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Like you're gonna get to the reception.

• 22:13Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, and the movie, for those who don't remember, was Beast of No Nation was a movie about Idris Elba being like a, like a warlord. And he had a bunch of child soldiers. And that was like, this, that's basically the, the story, okay?

• 22:24Speaker 01

  So then we go to the reception. And then I notice there's this couple that keeps looking at me.

• 22:30Trevor Noah?

  Hmm.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  And so it was, uh.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Anthony Winner.

• 22:35Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  And Huma Abedin, back then, together. And they keep looking at me, and I go like, do I know them from somewhere? Because you know, you get that feeling, do I know these people? And then they come and approach me with big smiles on their faces. And then I go like, as they're approaching, literally, when they're just like a second away from me, I go like, oh, it's the congressman with the stand on, you know, in my mind. And then they approached me and they go like, we loved in the movie. You are amazing in the movie. And I went like, this is why this guy needed to be taken down.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Because I, that's what I said inside, but outside I was going like, should I go like?

• 23:16Trevor Noah?

  What did you say?

• 23:17Speaker 01

  I just went like, oh, you know, thank you, because I went like, they were saying I had an Oscar winning time, basically. What could you say?

• 23:24Trevor Noah?

  They were saying you look like a child soldier.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Yes, that's what they did.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Not grown up, yes, but.

• 23:27Trevor Noah?

  That's, yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Do you have subtitles, not subtitles, but do you have that thing that they have where they give you facts? A fact check.

• 23:34Trevor Noah?

  On the screen?

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:35Trevor Noah?

  Why, you want us to fact check this?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  No, no, I just want you to fact check that, just in case we're watching, he is not a child soldier.

• 23:42Trevor Noah?

  Oh, we should put that up.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  You know what I mean, just so, so because.

• 23:45Trevor Noah?

  Joe is not a child soldier.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  No, Joe is not in the movie.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  He isn't in the movie and he isn't, you know what I mean? Because your accent is confusing, there's a lot happening.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  No child soldier was harmed in the making of this podcast.

• 23:56Trevor Noah?

  When you were, when you were a kid, were your tastes as broad as they are now, or was this something that developed over time?

• 24:02Speaker 01

  No, there were, because the thing is, and to go to the point that they were trying to make, in Uganda, so when you come from a smaller culture, you're forced, because you don't produce as much, you're forced to consume things from larger cultures.

• 24:13Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  So when I was growing up, I was, I loved reading. But then you didn't have as many books in Uganda, so you had to read everything you could get your hands on, whether it be it, Mersenne Boone, whether it be it like Shakespeare, you just had to read everything. And so it's funny, because when I go to countries, they say South Africa, even the U S, Americans are very shocked, they go like, oh, how do you know about this movie that happened? How do you know about this moment that happened? How do you know about? And I go like, because when I was in Uganda, when I watched the news, when they go like, foreign news. It's America, it's Britain, it's South Africa. When I'm reading the newspaper, when they go like, oh, international news. It's South Africa, it's Britain, it's. But when you're in America, because Americans are always gonna go, oh, we feel ignorant, we don't know as much about Uganda. Then I go like, it makes sense.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  When you're watching news, when they go foreign news, it's not always Uganda. Maybe every once in a while, but it's France, it's other countries. Cause you guys are a big culture. So, remember in Watwakanda, I was talking about how when we were growing up, we were at the Daily Show. And I told them, us growing up, the most iconic movie in Uganda was Baby's Day Out. Baby's Day Out was bigger than Star Wars. Wait, what is Baby's Day Out? It's. How do I explain it? Sorry, I wasn't in Uganda. Yes, so. What happened? Well, it's this movie about a baby. It's almost, yes.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  It's almost like, it's almost like a rip off of Home Alone. Yes. But it's a toddler, like crawling. And then this part trying to kidnap him and then he. And it was a huge movie in Uganda because the comedy stemmed from the physicality of it. Yeah, yeah. You didn't have to know English, you didn't have to. So I told people at the Daily Show, this movie was bigger than Star Wars and they couldn't believe it. And then we went on Wikipedia and it turns out even in India, that movie spent more time in cinemas. Spent more weeks in cinemas than Star Wars.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  And Americans, their minds were blown, like, we didn't even, this was a big, like, you know, movies that go straight to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, straight to, straight to VHS. And I told them, that kid is an icon in Uganda. I would rather have his autograph than Harrison Ford or. Yeah, or Gene Hegman. Yes. So it's that, like you were, you were forced to consume Star Wars, but then also you were forced to consume. So Americans understand Jackie Chan, because Jackie Chan is big in America, but he was huge in Africa.

• 26:44Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Because his movies.

• 26:45Trevor Noah?

  No, he was massive.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:46Trevor Noah?

  He was massive.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  But when you said, now Jackie Chan, they understand him, but Baby's Day Out, they went like, we don't, what?

• 26:52Trevor Noah?

  It's another swordfish.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:53Trevor Noah?

  That is, you see, you swordfished them. That's exactly what Joe did, you swordfished them. Because he said in the office, he was like, ah yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then he used it as a reference. He went, ah, it's as crazy as saying nobody watched Baby's Day Out.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  And everyone, everyone was like, what?

• 27:09Trevor Noah?

  I'm sorry, what?

• 27:10Speaker 01

  It's not Baby's Day Out, it's Babies.

• 27:12Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  No, but now you make it sound like it's a bunch of them, it was one baby. That's exactly what you said, Joe, Babies Day Out.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Is it possible to have requests? Can I have some requests?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Eh, this guy with questions, eh?

• 27:27Trevor Noah?

  Anything is possible. I don't understand, like, what, what is a, like, you're gonna ask us to sing a song to you now?

• 27:32Speaker 02

  No, no, I would like, I would like, if possible, some background, maybe some anecdotes on you, you and Joe's relationship. I'm just saying it would be nice.

• 27:41Trevor Noah?

  And we're taking your request.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Yes, if, if you could be like, this is Joe, this is one of my great friends.

• 27:46Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Well, I don't want.

• 27:47Trevor Noah?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Favorite people or whatever.

• 27:51Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the difference between favorite people and great friends.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  No, no, no, even, even favorite, I think, I object to favorite, because I've seen the favorites he has.

• 27:58Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  Why are you pointing at me?

• 28:00Speaker 01

  No, because I've seen Eugene, I've seen Kaya, I've seen Annelie, I've seen this, I don't want to be lumped in with this character.

• 28:05Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, I don't want to be lumped in. These are my favorites.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  I'm not, look, I'm not sure this is good for my brand.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 28:13Trevor Noah?

  And you didn't object to food aid?

• 28:14Speaker 01

  No, no, listen, no, no, listen, no, listen, I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why. Listen, Kaya, listen, Kaya, Eugene, and these are South Africans.

• 28:24Trevor Noah?

  And I said honorary South African.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  No, no, no, but even that, like.

• 28:27Trevor Noah?

  Honorary South African.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  As Africans, we have beef with South Africans.

• 28:31Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  It might be even one-sided.

• 28:32Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  And actually, a friend told me to bring this up to you. Why do South Africans?

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Hey, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  It sounds like I'm bullshitting.

• 28:39Trevor Noah?

  No, I wanna hear the question.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Why do South Africans always begin a tweet in English and then end it in vernac?

• 28:47Trevor Noah?

  You're trying to confuse the ending. No, no, no, but that's, I'll actually tell you why, I'll tell you why, because that's how.

• 28:55Trevor Noah?

  Most South Africans even speak to each other.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  But you realize how confusing that is for the rest of Africa.

• 29:00Trevor Noah?

  So listen, now, it's funny you say that. We went to Shakespeare in the park.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:04Trevor Noah?

  Here in Central Park, right? And so it was a beautiful rendition of Twelfth Night. It's Lupita Nyong'o, it's Peter Dinklage.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  You're being cultured, yes.

• 29:12Trevor Noah?

  Trying, trying.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Not Swordfish, but okay.

• 29:14Trevor Noah?

  Yes, so we're trying. So we go and watch Shakespeare. Every sentence started in the kind of English that I know.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:24Trevor Noah?

  And then it ended in like some Shakespearean stuff that didn't make any sense. You know what I mean? I didn't see one person saying, why do they do that? Why did Shakespeare do that?

• 29:33Speaker 01

  It was still English.

• 29:33Trevor Noah?

  No, but he made up words. There's random words that weren't English that he made.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  It was a wordsmith.

• 29:37Trevor Noah?

  Cockle pop.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  That's what a wordsmith that, but I'm saying you guys begin in one. You know, you know.

• 29:43Trevor Noah?

  So let me explain why.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:44Trevor Noah?

  Let me explain why. So, since you wanted to take it there, there's a thing called the party, Joe.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:49Trevor Noah?

  Okay?

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Seems I missed out, okay?

• 29:54Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, I have four more, because Dave went through it. Because Dave left Uganda to go to South Africa. I always tell him, dude, you left Uganda, you went like, I'd rather go to a country where black people are treated like this than stay in this.

• 30:09Trevor Noah?

  Keep your milk and boon and babies, they out.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Then he bounced. He bounced. This is very, this is, this baby's day out.

• 30:16Trevor Noah?

  This baby is out.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  This baby is out. It's very, it's very offensive when you think about it. He went like, you see a part of South Africa, still better than Uganda. Meanwhile, we are stuck there.

• 30:29Trevor Noah?

  So, so, so, no, I really do think this is what it is. It's, it's, it's actually a beautiful byproduct of a terrible beginning, right? Because South Africa is a country where black people and everyone was forced to speak certain languages that weren't their own. So you were forced to speak English, you were forced to speak Afrikaans, right? So, people were commonly speaking a language or starting a sentence in a language that they didn't speak. But oftentimes, your vocabulary runs out. Most, most sentences are easy to start in another language.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:58Trevor Noah?

  Right?

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:59Trevor Noah?

  I know this when I learn new languages. I'll find, like, if I, if I speak Spanish, because I don't really know how to speak it yet, I can start a sentence.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Spanish, yes.

• 31:07Trevor Noah?

  You know, and I can go, eh, disculpe, eh, perdona, eh, eh, and then you, then you're like, okay, I have to, I have to default.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  Okay, no, no, yeah, I understand, yeah.

• 31:15Trevor Noah?

  A natural byproduct of that in language, I find, is that people who've been forced to speak another language, adopt parts of that language, but the true essence of who they are is contained in their mother tongue.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:28Trevor Noah?

  So they might start a sentence in English because that's just how they speak. But when you wanna get into like the juice of it, you start the sentence in English and then by the end, was a one with the keeper because so shy is, you get what I'm saying, so shy my.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Can I counter?

• 31:41Trevor Noah?

  Counter.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Because we were also forced to learn a language.

• 31:43Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  You make it seem like South Africa was the only country that was colonized.

• 31:46Trevor Noah?

  I didn't make it seem like anything. Why are you making it beef?

• 31:47Speaker 01

  No, you said people.

• 31:48Trevor Noah?

  I didn't make it seem like, I just told you how South Africa was.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Okay, so here's the thing, here's the beef that we have with you guys.

• 31:54Trevor Noah?

  Okay, tell us.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  You do this.

• 31:55Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  On an international platform. So now we do it. No, no, no, no. No, so listen, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now, so now, listen, Eugene, so now, I want you to appreciate my, my, my beef.

• 32:04Trevor Noah?

  Okay, sharp.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  So I'm following this tweet, it's very funny.

• 32:07Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  And then I don't understand the ending. And then I'm like, wait, what happened?

• 32:10Trevor Noah?

  Okay, so now.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Now I have to go to Google Translate. Yes. And the worst part is, the worst part is, it's almost like being ghosted by a text. Cause you are following and then perquest, now they're speaking Kosa or whatever. And you are so invested, you are so invested, because the South Africans are great at Twitter. Yeah, we are good at stories. So you're invested and then now you see people laughing and you're like, okay, I didn't get the ending. It's a Game of Thrones. It's a Game of Thrones, if you think about it. Great, great season, first season, great, second, third.

• 32:38Trevor Noah?

  And then the final season was the neck.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Then you're gonna, what just happened now?

• 32:41Trevor Noah?

  So I'm trying to explain it to you. So this is what I'm saying. You, you're not wrong about these parts, right? And I will apologize on behalf of South Africans then, to you as a fellow African.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:50Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, as a fellow African, we didn't mean to leave you in the dust. We're not trying to do this intentionally. However, your beef is misplaced. Because when we listened to Sean Paul.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:02Trevor Noah?

  And other like reggae raga artists and all of that, dance hall and all of those vibes. Those guys would switch things up in the middle of a sentence. We, what did we say?

• 33:13Speaker 01

  I'll say this.

• 33:14Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  I'll say this to counter.

• 33:15Trevor Noah?

  Just give me the light.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  I'll say this, if you listen. If you listen to reggae. If you listen to reggae raga.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Let me tell you something now. You're listening, you're listening to it wrong. That's all I'm saying. Eugene, that's all I'm saying.

• 33:32Trevor Noah?

  Like, where did the sentence start? But you brought me in with one thing.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Just give me the light. But no one listens to, no, but no one listens to reggae for the reason.

• 33:39Trevor Noah?

  Okay, give me the light.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  You listen for the, you listen for the beats.

• 33:47Trevor Noah?

  Yes, you're blah.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  No one listens to.

• 33:49Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:50Trevor Noah?

  So that, so that's what I'm saying to you. Don't think of it as an affront.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Okay.

• 33:54Trevor Noah?

  But now that you've told us.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm sure, yes.

• 33:57Trevor Noah?

  We appreciate it. We won't change anything. However, we'll look in, we should blame this on like the platforms for not like translating automatically or like showing you. But I'll, I'll bring that up with South Africa.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  But it's also, it's also the reason why we coined the phrase, uh, running out of English bundles. Cause like running out of data.

• 34:15Trevor Noah?

  Oh, yeah, that's what they're saying.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  So, so when, when the English runs out, you like default.

• 34:18Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Then you have to get in the, but it was the same with Tzotzital. Tzotzital was a mixture of Africans and any other African, South African language. So you'd mix the Africans just to get by and then you'd put the other parts just to gossip about the other person. So initially.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  Okay, but you didn't know this is unique to South Africa, right?

• 34:33Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  Cause like, we don't do it in Uganda.

• 34:35Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, a lot of people do. No, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you, a lot of people do. No, no, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. Um, when I was in India.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:41Trevor Noah?

  They'll do it with, uh, with Hindi as well.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:43Trevor Noah?

  They'll start a sentence in English. Like literally someone, like friends, friends will be talking with each other. I'm like, literally when we're in Mumbai doing shows.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I understand talking. I'm saying quitting. That's why I said.

• 34:53Trevor Noah?

  Oh, you're saying the writing.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  International platform.

• 34:56Trevor Noah?

  Oh.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Yes. So. I'm not familiar, I'm not familiar with Hindi Twitter.

• 35:00Trevor Noah?

  Okay, okay.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  But this is a very uniquely African thing.

• 35:04Trevor Noah?

  No, they'll, they'll, no, they'll do it sometimes. They'll do it sometimes.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  That's the thing.

• 35:06Trevor Noah?

  They'll start a sentence and they'll be like, they'll be like, yo guys, why does it seem like every time India's hosting? They'll, no, because they do give them the accent when they're speaking as well. So they go like, yo guys.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  The Indians, the Indians are very offended because they sound like Hugh Grant in their minds. They're gonna, who is that?

• 35:19Trevor Noah?

  Indians know how Indians sound. You're the only person who doesn't know how you sound. In fact, I wanna know from you guys, did you not have recorders in India, in Uganda?

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Oh, can I?

• 35:29Trevor Noah?

  Did Joe never hear his accent in Uganda?

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy, but can I ask a question? Can I ask a question?

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:34Trevor Noah?

  I feel like you came to an interview.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I came to an interview. In terms of your guys' relationship.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:41Trevor Noah?

  And by the way, and by the way, before we, before we move on, can I just say how much I appreciate this? Cause we, we never have. A viewer or listener.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 35:48Trevor Noah?

  This this feels like the comments section is live.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Live.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  It also no, but it also feels like a therapy session.

• 35:54Trevor Noah?

  No.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Because he keeps taking it back.

• 35:55Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, but I do like the comments. I'm not saying I appreciate you.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:58Trevor Noah?

  I appreciate you.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  You know, because I know all three of you.

• 36:01Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Are like have wonderful relationship and it would be and you're here to podcast Joe. Is that the phrase that you use?

• 36:09Speaker 01

  No, he said he's here to sext tape Joe.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  To hang out with Joe.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Yes. Yes.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Okay, cool. But before you make the sext tape.

• 36:17Trevor Noah?

  You would like me to tell you how I met this guy?

• 36:19Speaker 02

  Not even how you met, but just in that vein, just to establish us so that we know, oh, okay.

• 36:25Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  This is because if let's say Joe was your brother, then you could go, this is my brother. A few anecdotes for anecdotes from when you were young. Oh, yes, that you know, you know what I'm saying?

• 36:35Speaker 01

  The funny thing is, I feel we're going to have very conflicting.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  You just brought some cab driver from New York, put him at the table and are interviewing you. So that's the feeling we're getting, lost in space.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  You know what? You know what it sounds like? It sounds like it sounds like Dave is going like you need to start so that he it feels like he thinks Ice might read this. And you need to establish the relationship.

• 36:56Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no. I'll tell you what's happened. I'll tell you what happened. Dave has lived in New York for too long and in New York and in America.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 37:04Trevor Noah?

  The number one phrase people love asking is, so how do you guys know each other?

• 37:08Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 37:09Trevor Noah?

  So like, how do you guys know each other? Like, where did you guys meet? So like, how did you guys? How do you guys know each other?

• 37:14Speaker 01

  How do you know the birthday boy?

• 37:15Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  How do you know? Yes.

• 37:16Trevor Noah?

  Exactly. There's like the context I find I find more than most places in the world, America, but in New York. People really want to know like how people know each other. How are you connected and how are you? You know what I mean?

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:28Trevor Noah?

  Whereas like even now, going back to South Africa, I've realized like the other day we were watching um was the Premier League just started. And we had people over, a whole bunch of friends came and it was a mixed group. No one asked anyone how anyone knew anyone. We just got in with like our opinions and our ideas.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Because you assume, yeah.

• 37:45Trevor Noah?

  And then people just left and no one went. So how do you know? How do you know that person? But I like that you said this, so I'll I'll give you a bit of a backstory. So to go back.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  I feel like we're going to have very conflicting, okay?

• 37:56Trevor Noah?

  We.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Very conflicting text on this.

• 37:58Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no, no. I I didn't know you. So I I will, I I'm saying I wouldn't have known you through Dave. Tell your side of how we met and then we can go from there.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Okay, so the one remember it. I knew Dave prior. I come to New York. So, okay, I knew Dave because I went to South Africa. To perform comedy, to like pursue comedy. I met Dave, I go to wherever Dave was working, I just showed up. I didn't know anyone. So I arrived, I arrived in South Africa, I don't know anyone. Hmm. I go to where the Davs used to work, cause I liked their show. We got it in Uganda. So I walk in and they go like, hey, I'm here to see the guys who do this show. Which seems crazy now, but made sense then. Even then. Yeah, no, then the, then the, then the reception. Even. Then the reception goes like, okay, you can have a seat, who do you want to see? Then I go like, oh, whoever produces the show. Weird. Then they go like, oh, they're out for lunch, but you can have a seat. So I sit.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Now, remember, I used to do a show like L N N in Uganda. Yeah, you used to basically, you, you basically used to do the Daily Show in Uganda, but alone. Like a very, yeah, a very pale, like starved imitation of the Daily Show. Why did you have to say starved? Cause it wasn't getting grains from up there.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  So I turn up and then I'm seated there and then Kahiso comes. Kahiso was like the director, creator, producer and Dave and they come. No, I think Dave didn't come, just Kahiso. And then they, they're walking past the reception and they do a double take. And they're gonna keep, wait, are you, are you the guy from who does the show in Uganda? And I go like, oh, yeah, it's me. Then go like, oh my God, we're big fans, we've watched the show on YouTube. Can you come through? Then we're like, oh, that's why I came here. So then they take me back to the writer's room. And then I sit in the writer's room. Then they start pitching jokes, you know, talking, then I start pitching as well. Cause you know, I make myself comfortable wherever I go. So I start pitching, then they, so then I pitch an idea, cause you remember you were shooting something about the South African elections?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  And how like there were illegals coming in, maybe from Zimbabwe, trying to. Still. Yes, not vote. No, still now. Oh, yeah, okay. I thought still the election. So then I pitched, hey, how, how about, what if I, I act, I pitched something about an illegal coming in? Trying to act like a South African and then he's singing like all the South African songs, so sholosa, but he's butchering them. Cause clearly he's an illegal. And so then they go like, hey, are you around on Monday? They go like, yeah, I am. But like, oh, can you come, we'll shoot you, you'll be the illegal. I go like, okay, cool. This feels like a trap, by the way. No. This really does feel like a trap. So then I show up, oh, this happens, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I get to know Dave. Me, Dave was a very gracious host. He takes me around, performs stand up, this and this. And then.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  You know what's the interesting thing? Sorry. Even though I asked for this question.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Is that the way I asked, could you describe how you met Trevor?

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  And now what you're doing is you're giving backstory, because this could go.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  Everybody linked, you know what I'm saying? And then I was born.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  You, I knew, I knew when he said I'm sorry, that is not.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 40:59Speaker 01

  It's not sorry, buddy, no, buddy. No, okay, okay, no, I, I, I get this.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  A backstory can start at any point.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  At any point.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  I met you through songs of them.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  He's, he's like.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Do you see what I'm saying?

• 41:11Speaker 01

  You're, you're lucky I didn't start with my first day out as a baby.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  No, no, no. Okay, okay, no, so, so anyway, so I get to know.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  You and Trevor met at some.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Okay, so I get to know, so I get to know Dave.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  How did that happen?

• 41:22Speaker 01

  I get to know Dave, then I tell Dave. Okay, listen, so I get to know Dave. Then I, I tell Dave, I'm going to go to America. Because I've come to South Africa and I've kind of hacked it, but not really. But now I want to go to America because America is the biggest comedian.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, wait. So how familiar are you with Dave at this point? Do you even tell him your dreams and wishes?

• 41:41Speaker 01

  No, we hang out, we hang out like for.

• 41:42Speaker 03

  So fast forward from the day.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  No, because I had only a one month visa, so we hung out during that time. Then I tell Dave.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  There's visas?

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, South Africa, we need visas to come to South Africa.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  You do?

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Yes. And yet we helped shelter Mandela and those guys. I saw you. Anyway, that's another bit, we won't get into it. So I tell Dave, hey, I'm going to go to South Africa, I'm going to go to America. Because that's where like, you know, all the big comedians are. Then Dave goes like, what? But you, you're starting to get your footing. And I go like, yeah, I'll go. If it doesn't work out, I'll come back.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  So then I come to America. First night, I knew no one in America. I come in, I go like, America gives me three months. So I went like, I need to make it work as quickly as possible. So first night, I go to the sailor.

• 42:21Trevor Noah?

  The Comedy Cellar.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Comedy Cellar.

• 42:22Trevor Noah?

  Hmm.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  Cause I had seen it in Louis and I knew about it. So I go like, okay, I asked the bus staff, the wait staff here. I'm here to see S T, the booker.

• 42:32Trevor Noah?

  Oh, yeah. S T who runs, yeah.

• 42:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, the booker, cause I'd done some research and then the, the wait staff goes like, ah, no, she comes in around midnight. So can you, can you wait around? I go like, I wait, I have nothing to do first night. I wait midnight, midnight thirty one. S T's nowhere to be seen. So the wait staff, the wait staff tells me, hey, so I tell her, I'm, I'm going to bounce. She's not here then. Cause I go, okay, cool. Then in my mind, I go like, I'm coming back tomorrow. So I show up tomorrow night, different wait staff. Then I go like, okay. I'm here to see S T. And this particular wait staff thinks I have an appointment. So she goes like, oh, see it, you know, she'll, she'll come in around midnight. So I see it midnight, midnight thirty, she comes and goes, okay. So S T's here. So now S T, you know this from the Comedy Cellar, she goes, sits at the comedian's table.

• 43:15Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  So I stand up and go to the comedian's table. And it, it was S T, it was Louis CK, it was, I think, Colin Jost from SNL. And I think Aziz Ansari, they were sitting there. So I go and I approach and I go like, hey, S T, what's up? She goes, oh, hello, how are you doing? And I go like, oh, I'm a comedian and I want to perform at the Comedy Cellar. And then she goes like, oh, okay, uh, do you have any, have you been on, on, on TV before? Cause you need a TV credit to perform at the set. And I go like, yeah, I've been on South African TV, I've been on Ghanaian TV. Then she goes, no, no, no, no. She, she goes like, no, that doesn't count. I mean, have you been on Amer- have you been on a late night show in America? Then I go like, no. Then she goes, oh, okay. Then in that case, uh, you need to be recommended by co- two comedians who have played there for ten years.

• 43:58Trevor Noah?

  Damn.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  And then I go like, okay, S T, I under- now, remember, this whole time, the table, they just looked at me like going like, what's happening now?

• 44:05Trevor Noah?

  Cause now you've interrupted.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Yes, what's happening?

• 44:07Trevor Noah?

  The table.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, the table. So, but I didn't know about this. So then I go like, yeah, S T, I understand all these restrictions. You don't want trash on your stage. All these are quality control measures, but in my defense, I've come a long way. I've come from Africa. That should count for something. Then she goes, oh, that's funny. Oh, okay. Can you send me something? I'll I'll wave some of these things. Can you send me something on email? And I go like, okay. So she gives me her email. Yeah. Address. And I go like, of course, you know, she's blowing me off. I've seen this story before, you know, girls give you the wrong number. I go like, oh, Esti's blowing me off. Then I go back to my place at one thirty. And then I send her something. I said, I had done like a clip about Obama becoming president. And I swear twelve minutes later, she responds and she goes, oh, this is different and funny. Come through and perform.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  So I go through. Same night? No, no. This is like, oh, five, five nights later. I go through, perform. Yeah. And then I perform. She comes down. She comes down to see you. She comes. So I went on after Louis C.K. And when Louis C.K. came off, no, I went on after him. And then I go and perform five minutes. I perform and then people laugh at my punchlines. And then Deva Tell, who is a comedy legend in New York. Comes on after me. And then he goes like, as I'm walking off, he goes, hey, yo. Can you hold on a moment? Then I, then he goes like, are you really from Uganda? I go like, here I am. Then he goes, no, I don't, I don't believe it. You knew so much about American politics and this. Then he goes like, this guy, I think, is a Brooklyn comedian.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Whose whole shtick is I'm in Uganda. So then makes jokes, makes jokes that I come off. Then Esti goes like, how was it? I go like, oh, it was fun. It was funny. They laughed on punchlines. But man, Louis C.K. and Deva Tell, wow. People laugh at their silences, at their gestures. Yeah. Wow, I want to be like that. So can I come back and just watch and learn? I don't want to go back on stage. Can I just come and watch and learn the master? And she goes, oh, I like that. I like that attitude. Oh, okay. So she calls a member of the waitstaff and she goes like, this guy is going to be coming in. Compies food and drinks. Oh, wow. And now in Esti's mind, I think she thought I'll be coming in once a week. Hmm. That's why the food and drinks. Every time. But now I'm an African in New York. I know no one. And you're offering food.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  And drinks. I was there every night, every night. And so I would go sit. They bring my food and my drink. I eat. She made the, she made the, it's a cardinal error. Cardinal error, offering an African free food. So I'm eating, I'm eating. And then I see comedians come off. And you know, I'm a writer, so comedians come off, I give them notes. Hey, maybe you should change this. Maybe you should change this. I give, you know, many comedians, and I give Louis CK a nod, because he had a joke where he had the punchline in the middle, and then when he started talking, he would like talk over the laughter. So I give him a nod, and everyone loses their minds. They go like, yo, there's this African who gave Louis CK the Louis CK. But I mean, I didn't see him as a Louis CK, I saw him as a comedian. And now, cutting long story short. Huh? Two weeks.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no. No, no, listen, listen. You should have cut it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, because now I'm going to Trevor, I'm going to. But you didn't cut it long. But don't cut it. Yeah, yeah, don't cut it long story short. Okay, okay. Because there's no, it's already a long story. Oh, okay, okay. So you haven't cut anything. Okay, okay, okay, okay, so, okay, so I'm now a permanent fixture at the, at the cellar. So then, one day I calm down, you know, the steps, the famous steps. Yeah. And then I see Trevor. I see you, you are prepared to go on, you're prepared to go on stage. So I come and go like, oh, Trevor. Because you end up like, oh. Why, then I go like, oh, I'm a big fan. Then, you know, we talk a bit, because Trevor is very polite. Oh, yeah. So then, so then he goes on stage. I've seen his polite, I mean, you've.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, he will, he will, he will doubt you, yes. So then he comes back, then Trevor goes like, wait. Because then, when you're going, going, you had your jacket, you were taking off your jacket, now I'll hold it. Then you give it to me, then you go on, perform, perform, come back. Then I, I go like, oh, then I, I think I tried to give you a note or something, and you go like, hey, wait. Are you the Ugandan guy? Are you like the African African comedian? Then I go like, yeah, I am, then he goes, oh. You said African twice? Yes, then you, no, African, Africa. Yeah, yeah. Then he goes like, oh, I've been receiving texts about you. Yeah, I, you're the one who gave Louis CK, then I go like, yeah, I told him how to change. Then you go like, oh, people have been texting me like, yo, Trevor, there's an African, African comedian. Forget you, this one sounds like an African, African.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  So then we. He goes like, this one sounds like, yes, like he just jumped out of like, you know, Coming to America, those movies. So then, we go up, and then we start like. He's still holding the jacket? No, no, I've given it back to him, yeah, no, I'm not that kind of guy. Because Esti made that mistake. So then we go up, and this was around like eight, eight thirty, and then we just start talking. And we talk like, I think up to like five, just talking about soccer, life, comedy. And then you went like, oh, this was fun, we should do it again.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Again, critical mistake because I'm there every night. Comes back the next night, we hang out and that's when you told me about Dave. You went like, oh no, I contacted Dave and Dave thinks you're a cool guy, you're a good guy, you know, you're good people, oh, we should hang out. And I feel like that's when we started hanging out. And then that's when we had the incident with Neil Brennan.

• 49:23Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but pause there. So I'll, I'll tell you how this unfolded for me.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 49:27Trevor Noah?

  Okay. So I was born away lad in South Africa. On a rainy rainy Monday. Ah, they say that my mother turned to me as I came out of her womb.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:43Trevor Noah?

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• 50:27Trevor Noah?

  It's everything you already love about YouTube, just somehow even better. Yeah, one of my favorite YouTube Premium features is smart downloads. Because how many times have you gone somewhere and realized, ah, I forgot to download anything? And now you're on the way to the airport and you're like, download, download, download, download. You're on the plane, download, download, download, download. There's no wifi. I wish I downloaded. Now, all of those things that you were gonna watch are just on the internet. Smart downloads basically thinks ahead for you. It automatically downloads recommended videos based on what you like to watch. So even when you forget to prepare, YouTube Premium didn't. I love it. It's like packing for a trip and discovering somebody already remembered the thing you always leave at home. It's always the underwear.

• 51:10Trevor Noah?

  If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Sign up now for your free trial at youtube.com/premium. Terms apply. Cancel anytime.

• 51:21Trevor Noah?

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• 52:06Trevor Noah?

  Ooh, then suddenly you're talking about the cut, the fit, the weight, the way it falls on your body. Then you're like, no, no, no, you don't understand. Look at the sleeve. And that's what I've really enjoyed about Quince. One of my favorite things is their Pima Cotton Lux Touch t-shirts. And it's become one of those pieces I keep reaching for. The cotton has this really smooth, premium feel to it. The fit is great and it just lays really nicely. And I think that's what you sometimes take for granted with simple clothes. When they're done really well, they become the foundation of an entire outfit. You can throw on a jacket, a sweater, whatever you want, but everything works because you started with the right thing. That's what I like about Quince. It feels premium without feeling like you're trying too hard.

• 52:51Trevor Noah?

  It's effortless. So, find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. Hello over there. Oh, and if Quince asks you where you heard about them? Let them know it was What Now with Trevor Noah. It's the best way to support the show.

• 53:27Trevor Noah?

  From my side of the story, this is what happened. Yeah. I used to go to the Comedy Cellar all the time, doing my thing. All of a sudden, I start getting texts from random people. Yo, is this guy your friend? Yo, who is this guy? Basically, every text, it's basically, "Come get your mans." That's what every text, the subtext is. Yeah. There's an African at the Comedy Cellar. Is this yours? Yeah. But they're saying it like, they're saying it like, I have, like... A portal. A portal and a responsibility.

• 53:57Trevor Noah?

  Every single person was like, "Hey, there's an African here. Is he waiting for you? Is he here for you?" Then I was like, "Guys, do you know how big Africa is?" It's like, this is why we need to change that map. Because you guys think, "This guy's from my house." So anyway, people keep texting me, they keep texting me, they keep texting me. The day with Louis, I was actually there and I saw this in person. I remember, I thought you were just some random straggler who's hanging around. Louis came offstage, and then you accosted Louis, and you're like, "Ah, Louis." Then you're like, "Ah, can I give you a note?" Eh, mm, no. I was still in that, that's a punchline, eh? I was sounding like Hugh Grant. Then you were like, "I don't know who this guy..." No, Louis, I noticed there was a punchline that you were, eh... No, there was a moment that you missed, eh? So I was thinking that maybe you could, eh... Then I remember being like, "Yo, bruh, this is a random audience member

• 54:41Trevor Noah?

  giving one of the greatest comedians of our generation notes. Who is this person?" So basically, you're an observer at that moment? Yeah. And you didn't even know you were there? He didn't even see me. I was just like, "Damn." Whoever that guy was, that's like, I was just like, this is just craziness. You were Humpty Dumpty in Puss in Boots. I kept on moving, kept on moving, right? Then, we spoke that night, you're talking about, but before that, what actually happened was, Dave sent me a message, and he said something to the effect of, I could probably find it if I looked in my WhatsApps, because you can just go back years. Do you mind saying it in Dave's voice? So, okay, I'll do it. So then Dave sends me a message, but I didn't hear his voice in the message, so that would be fake. But you know it now. Yeah, but that would be fake. If I repeat something he said, I'll do it. So, sends me a message, and the message says,

• 55:26Trevor Noah?

  "Yo, there's a random Ugandan you're going to meet." Random? No, really, he goes like, I'm paraphrasing, but I think I'm gonna get it sort of right. He goes like, "There's a random Ugandan you're going to meet. He's going to seem like the most random person you've ever met, and your first instinct will be to not speak to him."

• 55:44Trevor Noah?

  Your first instinct will be to not speak to him.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  This is a growing.

• 55:48Trevor Noah?

  Your first instinct will be to not speak to him.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 55:51Trevor Noah?

  But I promise you now, he's one of the smartest human beings you've ever met in your life. As smart as you think I am, he's ten times more smart. He's super funny, he knows everything about comedy.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Smarter.

• 56:03Trevor Noah?

  You see, there you go.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Not more smart, okay, yeah.

• 56:05Trevor Noah?

  So, there you go. You see, so then, he's like, so please give him a chance, talk to him, hang out with him, he wants to do comedy in America. And I told him that he must speak to you. So because of Dave now, I go, oh, okay.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  You must be.

• 56:21Trevor Noah?

  This guy's not random, because Dave introduces me to no one, and I mean, no one. To him and then like one homeless guy. These are the only people that Dave has like.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Which makes it two homeless people.

• 56:34Trevor Noah?

  So the only people that Dave has ever like introduced me to, okay? So, but the homeless guy came many years later when I knew Dave. You were like the first, so Dave doesn't do that, so anyway, so I've got, so that's how I made contact with you. So I go like, alright, you've been, you've really been vetted or somebody has vouched for you? So I have to, I don't even know what the deal is, but I was like, I have to just get to know you. And then he wasn't wrong, I mean, within ten minutes of hanging out with you, I was like, this is, you're one of the weirdest person, you're like an alien. Who, I've always told you this though, you're like an alien, because the way you see the world and the way you operate in it is alien-like. It, it, you, you, you don't take into account many of the, um, many of the social norms that people take into account.

• 57:17Trevor Noah?

  Like one day, I remember I was walking with you in a park and we were, we just finished playing a game of soccer here in New York. And we're walking across the field in the park and some people are playing baseball in one corner, other people are doing sprints, other people are just working out. And we're walking back with our bags and there was a family with their babies and there was like one.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Baby.

• 57:39Trevor Noah?

  One baby, baby and one toddler.

• 57:44Trevor Noah?

  And the toddler came running in our direction. So white family, white everything. And the toddler comes running in our direction. I'm like, whatever. I, I'm just like, whatever. It's a child. Joe, and I remember seeing this in slow motion.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Joe and drops kicks the baby.

• 58:02Trevor Noah?

  And I remember seeing this in slow motion.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  I go like, take that, whitey.

• 58:06Trevor Noah?

  Joe, Joe, Joe runs, Joe runs, the kid runs towards us. Joe runs towards the kid, grabs them, but this is like, like a movie where it's like, the kid is like Uncle Joe or something. Joe grabs the baby.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Baby.

• 58:24Trevor Noah?

  I am looking out of the corner of my eye like this, because this is all happening sort of in slow motion. So I'm like,

• 58:30Trevor Noah?

  don't touch the baby. Joe grabs the baby and then hoists the baby up and starts like throwing the baby, but like he's known this, like a family member.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 58:45Trevor Noah?

  And Joe throws this baby up and he's like, oh no, look at you. Ah, ah, no baby, ah. And this baby. Now, as he grabbed the baby, from behind the baby, another corner of my, I see the parents. Now, you know, this is happening in the space of seven seconds max. But you know how fast your mind can process things in those moments? I'm panicking. I see them turn. They've just seen this guy

• 59:12Trevor Noah?

  grabbing their child in a park.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  Hoisting them.

• 59:16Trevor Noah?

  I see them turn. You see the look on their faces like, ah shit, it's happening.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  This, this African is adopting our white baby.

• 59:23Trevor Noah?

  You see, you see that, like you, I saw.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  He's reversing the roles. This is now my unisafe baby. Come here, unisafe baby. I'm going to give up a cup of coffee every day. I'm going to make your dreams come true.

• 59:38Trevor Noah?

  So I, I see the panic in their eyes. So I'm, but before I can tell Joe, don't do it. And I'm trying to almost tell them.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  He's okay.

• 59:46Trevor Noah?

  He's okay. It's too late.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  I'm trying to tell him, don't do that.

• 59:49Trevor Noah?

  And then the dad comes running in. You can see he's like basically failed in his life. Cause he comes running in, but it's too late. Cause Joe has his baby.

• 59:59Trevor Noah?

  And Joe takes the baby, throws the baby up and then the baby diffused the whole thing. Cause the baby had more fun in like those two seconds. I can't even explain it to you. And then the dad came and just stood by us while Joe just carried on. He didn't even go like, that's my baby. Or he just stood there like, I, I, I guess they know each other. He was, he was so thrown by what he had experienced that he didn't know, he didn't know what to do. And then the mom came holding the, the, the, the baby. So the toddler's in Joe's arms. The, she's holding the other baby and they're just standing there like, they're, they're standing there the way you would stand if like a bear had grabbed your child. From a crib camping.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  No one move.

• 1:00:42Trevor Noah?

  No one move, but your child is giggling and the bear is just juggling your child. The bear is juggling your child and your child's having a good time and no one, no one moved. And then Joe was just like, oh no, oh no, look at, oh, look at you. Oh no, oh, look at.

• 1:00:57Trevor Noah?

  And then he put the baby down and the baby was just like, yeah, baby, the baby was ecstatic. That toddler was ecstatic. And then the parents like scoop the kid up. And then, yeah, then the parents scoop the kid up.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  He lives to fight another day.

• 1:01:10Trevor Noah?

  And looked at us like, hey, thank you, hey. And then they walked away. You could see they were shocked and they felt like they had escaped something.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  Unisef.

• 1:01:23Trevor Noah?

  And then Joe just carried on what he was talking about before. He's like, no, so here's the thing. If we can press them, if the defense moves forward next time, we're gonna find them. Then I said, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Then I said, Joe. I said, Joe, Joe, don't ever do that again.

• 1:01:38Trevor Noah?

  No, but I was like, my man, my man, in America, a black man cannot go around grabbing white people's babies.

• 1:01:49Trevor Noah?

  I was like, Joe, don't do, then he's like, no, what, what do you mean? Ah, what, what do you, then I said, Joe, he's like, no, but the babies love it. They love it when you throw. I was like, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, you just got here.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  I'll say this, I wouldn't trust my baby with a guy with that accent.

• 1:02:01Trevor Noah?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Who is speaking the way he's speaking.

• 1:02:03Trevor Noah?

  In their defence, they didn't hear.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  Hundred percent.

• 1:02:05Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, but I'm saying in their defence.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Accent you're making, yeah.

• 1:02:08Trevor Noah?

  That guy, that guy.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 1:02:09Trevor Noah?

  Number one. But and that was one of the first moments where I was like you'd, because you even saying it in the story. Nobody would ever at the Comedy Cellar go up to the comedian's table with Esti and Louis C K. And Aziz Ansari and Colin Jost and just interrupt the conversation. And then also be like, when they go like, no, you can't come, be like, no, let me tell you why I should. But also not in like an asshole way, no, that's why I say you're like an alien.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  No, but I'll say this, so to the kid's story, for me, the reason it didn't stand out till Trevor pointed it out was I would do that with a kid in Uganda. So I didn't grow up with the racial dynamics of America or South Africa.

• 1:02:47Trevor Noah?

  Even baby dynamics.

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  No, no, I'll, I'll, because I don't want to think about babies. I've had like, I have a niece up, so kids, so the thing, the thing I love with, with kids is what you see is what you get. They're not like adults.

• 1:02:59Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  You have fun with them, they give, so I had.

• 1:03:02Trevor Noah?

  I'm not speaking about the babies.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  I had another experience like that, so I was.

• 1:03:05Trevor Noah?

  You've done it again?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I was at a park. Because it's, it's instinctive, listen, I was at a park.

• 1:03:11Trevor Noah?

  Cash Patel.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  Listen.

• 1:03:12Trevor Noah?

  We don't know this guy.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  At FBI.

• 1:03:15Trevor Noah?

  With Stan, at Stephen Miller.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  What are you?

• 1:03:18Trevor Noah?

  Two failed attempted human trafficking.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  At White House.

• 1:03:22Trevor Noah?

  I'm out.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  My visa still have two years. I don't want to be, no, here's the thing, so who were the park? I was with a friend who has kids, you know, God, right, you know, God, right, right. And we, we, so this kid, you know.

• 1:03:35Trevor Noah?

  Who's we?

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  No, you know, you know, you go with your friends who have kids to the park, so I'm pushing the kid on the swing.

• 1:03:42Trevor Noah?

  You know this kid?

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is my friend's kid. And then there's a kid next, you know, on another swing, who's being pushed by a kid, a fellow kid. And so I'm pushing this kid and then the other kid over pushes, over balances, the other kid falls.

• 1:03:55Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  And my instinct, I immediately go and grab the kid and start kissing him on the forehead, going, okay, it's okay, it's okay. No, no, no, I got a kid, no, because the kid is crying, so the kid is crying.

• 1:04:04Trevor Noah?

  Oh my God. So there's a nightmare.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  No, listen.

• 1:04:07Trevor Noah?

  What are we doing?

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  So I'm.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  What am I do, what am I part of? I feel like that Epstein tape where they're like, you know this kid? Yeah. So I'm soothing. So I'm soothing. It's not deposition. So I'm soothing the kid. I'm gonna take. Why you soothing them with your name? Cause the kid is crying. No, no, cause you. Joe. No. We are going to change. So, so when you have the kid, listen, you're hugging the kid.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  We are going to change. I'm sorry, I'm sorry guys. Self-incriminating, no, no. Listen. Self. No, so I'm like, so I'm going like, so you know when you're hugging the kid and the kid is crying? No, I don't know. I'm like, hey, hey, hey. I've never had this. To camera. I've never had a stranger, I've never sued them with their lips. But the kid is crying. I don't care. I'm saying, I'm saying, that's what I would do with a kid in Uganda. I would go like, hey, hey, kid, there, there, there. I have swings in Uganda. It's okay, you're brave. We have swings, come on. So I go like, I go like, there, there, you know, it's okay, you're brave, you're brave, you're a brave little man, don't worry, don't worry. And then the mom comes. And the mom, you know, she had the same look of panic, like, oh, what's this stranger doing with my kid? But then now the kid keeps quiet, telling me, you're strong, you're brave. And then, and then the mom goes like, oh, okay, oh, thank you so much. Cause the mom and I was playing with another kid. Yes.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  She was like on the other side. Well, and the problem is having two kids, yeah. I think just one child gives you attention. For me, in my mind, it's the same thing trouble we have with police. No, no, no. No, it's the same thing we have with policemen. When policemen stop us, the way I talk to, okay, so again, another story. When I came to America, before I met you, I had this friend who was from Philly. So one day we're going to comedy club and we get lost in the subway, right? Yeah. So then he's, he's going like, oh, oh, what was up? He doesn't know which train to take, cause he was from Philly, I'm from Africa, we don't know the thing. So I go, so I see subway cops, I said like, the cops in the subway. So I may just walk up to them. And I go like, hey, guys, uh, we are lost, so which train? And then, then this guy just keeps his distance, my friend.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  And then I come back and tell him, oh, they, they said we take the air, it will take us to the, the village and west. So then he goes like, dude, what's happening? Then I go like, oh. Then he goes like, dude, you're black, I'm black, we never approach policemen like that. Then I go like, what do you mean? Then he goes like, they could have shot you, those interactions don't end well. Then I go like, then I told him, but they're there to serve us. So I told him, if they shot me, I'll die more out of shock. I'm going like, this guy sucker their jobs, cause in Uganda, and they've lost this in Uganda.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Why would you shoot me? Yo, yo. Shock, the number one killer of Ugandans in Africa.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  No, so, so this, this guy was going like, I don't understand, why would you just approach a bunch of? But that's what I would do in Uganda. If I'm lost, I would approach the policeman, I'm gonna, kay? And he couldn't believe it.

• 1:06:51Trevor Noah?

  I'm just picturing this guy, a black guy from Philly.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:06:54Trevor Noah?

  And he just watched you approach the cop.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Very confident, with swag as well.

• 1:06:58Trevor Noah?

  Start kissing them and throwing them up.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  You are strong little soldier.

• 1:07:02Trevor Noah?

  Then you're like, I know, what is, which way can we go up?

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  No, so, so the thing is, when you, when you didn't grow up in the culture.

• 1:07:11Trevor Noah?

  But this is what, but this is what I'm trying to say, so.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  Can I ask another question?

• 1:07:14Trevor Noah?

  Of course.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  Great.

• 1:07:16Trevor Noah?

  This is, this is what the show is all about. We love the fans.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  Okay, thank you.

• 1:07:20Trevor Noah?

  Please.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  The, um, one interesting thing that Joe has, I've known you for like twelve, thirteen years, whatever it may be, and I have never, because you know, the, um, let me,

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  this is a sort of like an anomaly kind of situation that you guys have described, or he has described, kissing strangers' babies.

• 1:07:42Trevor Noah?

  Anomaly for who?

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Yo, with context, my God.

• 1:07:44Speaker 02

  No, I, I know, I get the context, no, no, no. No, no, no, I get the context, no.

• 1:07:48Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, what I'm saying is that.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  If they edit out this part, they were, yo kisses strangers' babies.

• 1:07:53Speaker 02

  What I'm saying is, that the part that, that, that I find the most interesting out of you,

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  the most, most interesting, is that I've known you for whatever it is, twelve, thirteen, fourteen years, whatever it may be, and I've spent a lot of time with you. And in all that time that I have spent with you, I have never, for five minutes, seen you upset or in a bad mood.

• 1:08:20Trevor Noah?

  That's why I'm saying he's an alien.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  No, I'm saying, so could you explain that?

• 1:08:23Trevor Noah?

  That's sort of, it goes to the alien thing, right?

• 1:08:28Trevor Noah?

  Actions that people might, um,

• 1:08:32Trevor Noah?

  Might find themselves doing in a, in a certain setting. That can be cultural. You know, so in one culture, people hold pinky fingers, men, when they walk in the streets, they hold pinky fingers. In another place, that, that happens all over the world. So that happens in India, in the Middle East, even in parts of South Africa, guys would do it, yeah.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:50Trevor Noah?

  You've never seen cousins, no, no, no, no, never seen cousins doing it. Yeah, yeah, come on, come on, dude, no, come on, in Hamanskal, guys would do that, no, they would. You've never seen that, you've never seen that. They'll do that, they do that in town, but that's normal in a lot of places.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  That's culture.

• 1:09:05Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, I'm saying that's normal in a lot of places, right, but in other places, they'll go like, that's crazy, okay? So this is, these are cultural things. What Dave's hitting on here is, is like the evidence that makes it more likely that you're an alien. Okay, and, and that, and that evidence is what-

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Alien from up there, not alien like Trump.

• 1:09:24Trevor Noah?

  No, no, not Trump alien, relax, no, no, no, don't worry, don't worry about that, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, you, Dave's right. I also have never seen you depressed, sad, angry, all the like, whatever we call them, like negative, and not in like a fake way, by the way. I'm, I'm not talking like, oh, that person's always in a good mood, not like that, not like that, because I've seen you pensive. I've seen you mourning somebody or something bad that's happened. When my grandmother passed away, you came over, it's not like you were like, ah, grandmothers, who cares? You were like, you know what I mean, you, you cried, like, you were like with me in the moment is what I mean. But I'm saying as like a state of being.

• 1:10:04Trevor Noah?

  I've never seen you like, we've never seen you not positive.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  But you know why?

• 1:10:11Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, why?

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  Because I'm hashtag winning. You know this, and I've told you this, it's, you know the Trump speech where he goes like, going to win so much, you're going to start telling me- We're gonna be winning so much, you're gonna be tired of winning, tired of winning, so much winning. Say, Mr. President. Mr. President, we're tired, we can't take it anymore, we're tired of winning, so much winning, so much winning. I'm a Ugandan, think about it, I'm a Ugandan.

• 1:10:37Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  First of all, walking legally in New York.

• 1:10:40Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Speaker 01

  But not just walking legally, walking at the Daily Show.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  Right? How many Ugandans get to do that? So me, I've always been very, Kiboka doesn't count, Kiboka is Ugandan light.

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  No, I'm Ugandan Ugandan. So anyway, the thing is, I've always been hyper aware of how like I am. Like from, and this is way before the Daily Show, I've always been, being born in Africa, being born as a guy in Africa, as opposed to being born a woman in Africa, already you're winning. Cause a guy in Africa has certain privileges and uh he's given more away than a girl. So I've always been hyper aware of how like I am. I've always been hyper aware of my privilege, so to speak. So when people complain about things, people get, you know, when people complain about things, oh, this is not working out. I go like my life, everything is working out.

• 1:11:36Speaker 01

  Literally, I walked into the Comedy Cellar, got a chance to perform, I walked into their show, got a chance to meet them out of the blue, we became friends, everything I feel like I've. I'll, I'll, I'll put it like this, I don't like sweat the little stuff, if that makes sense. So for example, today, you guys came late for the podcast. What did you say first? Joe, we are sorry, we kept you. And in my mind, I'm like, why are you apologizing? Remember when we, when we planned, when we made a plan? Yeah. To watch El Clasico, Dave, you are there. We planned to watch El Clasico, it was going to be at two. Barcelona, Real Madrid, biggest game in the world. I turn up to your apartment, one forty-five.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  You guys come in at four. Right?

• 1:12:22Speaker 01

  Right? You and Dave walk in at four. This game was supposed to start at two. And Trevor and Dave walk in, full of apologies. And then I go like, why are you guys apologizing? Like, cause other people be upset. Then Trevor tells me, oh, people be upset because we made a plan, you're supposed to watch. Then I went like, why though? Like, why would they be upset? Like, you and Dave wanted to watch the game. We planned to watch the game, but you didn't show up on time. That means something more urgent came up or you were held up. You are not hiding somewhere around the corner going like, ooh, let's make your way. Something just came up. And then Trevor goes like, ah, but I don't, but you know, other people be upset, you know, maybe disrespected. Yes, yes, maybe, maybe this is. Do it again. Then I told him, no, why would I be?

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  Do that apology. Sorry, sorry. So Trevor is going like, oh, other people feel, feel disrespected, their time. Then I go like, no, but it wasn't my time. It was your time, you, basically. You're the one who's not here. You, no, no, you. You lent me your time. It wasn't, I I I'm not entitled to your time. You told me let's meet at two. But it wasn't my time. It was your time. You just lent it to me, but I wasn't entitled to it. So then I go like. I can't be upset. This, the game, the game you recorded it, you remember you went like, oh.

• 1:13:35Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  So then we watched again. And then I was. Cause for me, I don't understand why, like, so so something small like that. Let's say I arranged a date with a girl and I I don't turn up on time. She shouldn't be upset. She should go like, oh, Joe wanted to have this date. Joe wanted to have this dinner with me. But for some reason, he did. Something must have come up. Instead of putting yourself first, going like, me, me, me, I I got disrespected, me, me, me, this and that. Go like, oh, why did the other person not? Because, think about thi- this way. If you plan a dinner date or to watch a game, and then you don't turn up on time, and then I find out you were in an accident. I don't get upset. Does that make sense? Cause I saw putting myself first.

• 1:14:17Trevor Noah?

  Um.

• 1:14:18Speaker 01

  I saw going like, oh, me, me, so going, oh, my god, are you okay? Were you? Yeah. So for me, that's how I, that's how I look at most things. I don't sweat. The small things. I remember when I told you about the relationship I have with my family, right? With my sisters and. Cause my my family, my siblings have access to all my money, to my bank accounts, remember?

• 1:14:34Trevor Noah?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  I told you this, and then you went like, what? What if? They stole the money? Now, I'm lucky that my family are very close in it, but also you went like, but what if they're like, I wouldn't sweat it. I genuinely wouldn't, cause I would go like, oh, they know they can ask me for the money. They know they have access to the money. So if they stole it, that means they were so desperate. Something must have come up, right? And I would rather they steal my money than go steal a stranger's money. Cause if they steal a stranger's money, now it's courts, now it's prison, now it's this, now my mom is stressed, my dad is stressed, now they stole my stress.

• 1:15:10Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  But if they steal my money, then I go like, oh, that means. They needed it more than I needed it. I've I've had the same mentality when we were in school, boarding school in Uganda, people would go like, oh. Like, you know, leaving your suitcase, like, they would like lock them and everything. And I'd go like, no, why? If someone, someone can approach me and ask me for something, if they feel the need to go and steal. Which you know, results in expulsion and suspension. They needed that thing. They really just, they need, they need that thing more than I needed it.

• 1:15:42Speaker 02

  Here's a question then.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:15:44Speaker 02

  Even in terms of, okay, let's just say, okay, that I can get it conceptually.

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  But then how do you deal with like being a morning person? Do you know what I mean? Sometimes you're just in a bad mood because you can't get enough sleep.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  I don't believe in the concept of so much sleep. And Trevor knows this. And you know this as well. Cause I go like, I'm winning so much at life. I don't want to sleep, cause if you're sleeping, then you're not winning. You're just lying there. You're not actively, no, no. No, sleeping is one of the only activities where you're not actively enjoying the thing. So when I'm watching a soccer game, I go like, wow, this is amazing. When I'm watching a Broadway show, I go, when I'm having a conversation, I'm eating food. I go like, oh, this is delicious. This is amazing. When I'm sleeping, I'm like this glass. I'm not actively enjoying the thing. Now, I understand the benefit of sleep. You're fresh and all this, but I'm going like, for me, sleepings are going on social media.

• 1:16:40Speaker 01

  People who win are not on social media, cause they're busy winning at life. They're busy enjoying life.

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:16:46Speaker 01

  Sleeping means, for me, when I was young, when I was a bit, you know, in my teenage years, I was like, yo, if I make it, I'll watch every show, I'll watch every, I'll read every book, I'll, you know, I'll do things. And now I'm at that stage in my life where I really could watch every show because you're a member of the guild. They give you all these screenings. I could read every book, cause I'm in New York, I can access them. The one thing I don't have is time. I don't have enough time to do it, cause I only have twenty four hours in a day. So I want to spend a minimum of those hours sleeping. Cause sleep, you don't.

• 1:17:20Trevor Noah?

  As little as possible.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  As little as possible, cause I have things to do. I have, we, I, we, we play soccer up to two. I have things to do. So sleeping, because it's one thing I don't actively enjoy, is one thing. So I sleep, and Trevor knows this, I sleep, and you have seen me, we've gone.

• 1:17:34Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, you know, Joe sleeps three, four hours.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  Three hours a day.

• 1:17:37Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but he has, I, I think you have that gene, that, I, I, I spoke to a, um, uh, a doctor who works in like gene editing. Uh. And he told me that there's some people who are genetically predisposed to not needing sleep. I think you're one of those people, because I've been with, remember, we went to the World Cup together.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  We've gone to two, yeah.

• 1:17:54Trevor Noah?

  So, yeah, two World Cups, actually.

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  Russia and Qatar.

• 1:17:57Trevor Noah?

  You know, people can tell you who they are all they want. When you spend almost twenty-four hours a day with them over a certain period of time, the cracks start to show. I went with this guy. We went to every game and then we went to events afterwards and then in the morning we did something else and then this man does not sleep and he's fine with it, like three, four hours a night maximum. But more than that, to Dave's point, even when we couldn't get those hours sleep, I was grumpy.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  I remember. What did you sound like when it was grumpy? I remember. No, he would just refuse. We went shooting and they just went like, I'm going panning. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and we went, we went, yeah. I have to get my beauty sleep.

• 1:18:39Trevor Noah?

  I never said beauty.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, well. I never said. Said it in your tone. Now you see, now you see how I feel when you do me. I go like, I don't sound like that. And you go like, no, Joe sounds like this. That's how, that's exactly how it feels. That's exactly how it feels.

• 1:18:56Speaker 01

  Just, for me, it's, for me, it's simple, Eugene. For me, this, because I've explained it to Trevor. And he tried it and he had a, he had a terrible time. So for me, the way I look at sleep is a go, right? I'm up, I'm up, and then I go like, oh, up, it's two.

• 1:19:12Speaker 01

  I have work tomorrow. Okay, I can squeeze in two more hours at least. Okay. Two more hours of doing fun stuff, then I go, oh, I have good sleep because I have function. The same way you eat food. Some people don't enjoy food, but they eat it because they need it for sustenance. So for me, the why sleep is, I realize you don't enjoy sleep. What you enjoy is the act of falling to sleep.

• 1:19:35Trevor Noah?

  Oh, jeez, this is the weirdest thing.

• 1:19:37Speaker 01

  What you enjoy is the promise of sleep.

• 1:19:39Trevor Noah?

  This is the weirdest thing Joe does.

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:19:41Trevor Noah?

  Just wait, just wait.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  So for me, I sleep three hours.

• 1:19:44Trevor Noah?

  Weirdest thing Joe does.

• 1:19:45Speaker 01

  I sleep three. It's not weird at all. It messes. I sleep.

• 1:19:47Trevor Noah?

  Tell the people what you do.

• 1:19:49Speaker 01

  But every other hour, every hour, I set an alarm. Every hour? Yes. So I go to bed at four, set an alarm for five, set an alarm for six, set an alarm for seven. So I wake up. Every hour? Dave stops sniggering. Like you're in maximum security. Yeah, no, no, listen. So I wake up, so at, when I wake up at four, at five rather, I go like, oh, my god, I have to go to work, right? Then I go like, oh no, I still have two more hours. You know that feeling when you alarm? That feeling, the promise of most sleep. So I have that feeling. You reset to accept your attachment. I get it, yeah. So I, I, I simulate that. So I go like, oh, I have two more hours. Mm-hmm. So then I enjoy the process of going back to sleep. Then I wake up an hour later and I go like, oh man, I didn't, I have to go. Then I go like, oh my god, I have another hour, right? Yeah.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  Then I go back to sleep, then I wake up, now I'm enjoying sleep, I'm actively enjoying it. Mm-hmm. Then by the time I feel, I think this is why it works, by the time I wake up, actually, I really wake up, actually go to work. I feel like I've had more sleep than I was supposed to have. Yeah, you, it's not strange at all, because some people. He thinks it's strange, it's not. Let's say you know that today you're gonna need two hundred dollars. There's people who withdraw a thousand dollars. And every time they spend, they still have a lot left. Because you think, oh, I've used up the two hundred. Instead of imaginary ping, ping, ping. I've got to have eight hundred.

• 1:21:05Trevor Noah?

  Yes, yes, I, I understand this.

• 1:21:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:21:07Trevor Noah?

  But where the analogy falls apart is there's no REM and deep sleep in your wallet. I'm saying the thing you are doing is alien.

• 1:21:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:15Trevor Noah?

  This is alien, my friend. No, this is human being things.

• 1:21:18Speaker 01

  No, but also remember, Trevor, and Trevor, you know this, remember, I'm the one guy who can.

• 1:21:23Trevor Noah?

  I tried this.

• 1:21:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:21:24Trevor Noah?

  You remember, I tried this.

• 1:21:25Speaker 01

  No, but you have to build up with this case.

• 1:21:26Trevor Noah?

  Yo, build up to what?

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  Yes, because I've done this since I, I've done this since I was a teenager.

• 1:21:31Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but let me, yo, do not try this. Whoever you are at home, do not try this.

• 1:21:35Speaker 02

  Also at home, I would like to reiterate that this is true. You know, you often probably watch a lot of podcasts and a lot of information where people are doing, tell you about the research that they did on sleep. You know, the research that they did on happiness, the research that they, this is the, this is real.

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, because he's answered your guys' questions where you said, how do you maintain such happiness? And you've never seen him there, he's told you.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  No, but that's, I wouldn't recommend that for.

• 1:22:03Trevor Noah?

  But this, this isn't something that people could apply.

• 1:22:05Speaker 01

  No, no, no. But what I'm saying is, what he's saying is, he's built up the muscle.

• 1:22:09Trevor Noah?

  No, I get that, but I'm saying you can't build up that muscle, no matter who you are.

• 1:22:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:22:12Trevor Noah?

  You can't.

• 1:22:13Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 1:22:13Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no, no. Let me, okay, let's break it into two parts. There's one part, which is how you perceive life. The other part is physiological, okay?

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  You can't, I don't drink water because I think water.

• 1:22:23Speaker 01

  No, I drink just enough water for sustenance.

• 1:22:25Trevor Noah?

  Yes, but what I'm saying is, I'm saying, most human beings on this planet, most, are unable to sleep for three hours a day and function. It, it just, it's just, you can't do it.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  Because they want to sleep all three hours in one lump sum.

• 1:22:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, but there's rule in war zones who do it.

• 1:22:40Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but they don't come outright. Remember, remember, the ability, remember, the ability to do something, it's like some people who have a greater lung capacity, like, uh, what's his name, the swimmer? Michael Phelps, right? Produces less lactic acid than the average human. So it's genetic. So when you are doing something that's genetic, you sort of can't people, you can't give people advice on that thing because they can't do it. Like if Michael Phelps said to you, well, what I do is I just don't make as much lactic acid and then my muscles don't burn.

• 1:23:06Speaker 02

  For me, the big thing is that, no, no, no, no.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  So can I tell you?

• 1:23:12Trevor Noah?

  No, but that's separate.

• 1:23:13Speaker 01

  Okay, so can I tell you how, how for me it came up? And it came up by accident, almost. So when we were in boarding school in Uganda, remember, boarding school is like military.

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  Can I tell you how I thought it came up before? I thought, the way I thought it came up is because you're from Uganda, which is a poor country, you thought you had to pay for sleep and so you could only afford.

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:23:33Trevor Noah?

  I apologize.

• 1:23:33Speaker 01

  That's why I say these Ugandan nights. He's slandering our country.

• 1:23:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  So here's, okay, no, here's the thing. So when we were in boarding school. Remember, it was like military, it was like prison, right?

• 1:23:44Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:44Speaker 01

  So you have to go study, do this, everything is like prison. So the only time we had was, cause we used to go for prep, which is like you study after hours, like. So we would go for prep from seven to, cause you spend the whole day studying, studying, now you have to read, do self reading. So we'd go for prep from seven to nine, then we'd come out, then now you have to go and prepare to go to bed. And because I loved soccer so much and I loved sport so much, we used to wait for midnight to listen to BBC Sports on radio. Which was illegal, cause you couldn't bring in a radio, but we found a way. So BBC Sports was like, that was our thing, me and a group of other football, like soccer loving guys. So we'd listen to BBC Sports to hear the roundup of the news, what happened in the Premier League, what happened in the Champions League. Then from, it would end at around midnight thirty.

• 1:24:30Speaker 01

  Then from midnight thirty, everyone else is sleeping, midnight thirty to like three, now we are discussing what happened, you know soccer, like you discuss. So discussing, discussing, discussing. This was our moment where we went like, oh, now we're in control of our moment. And then we go to bed at around four, then you have to wake up at six. And we used to do this, cause BBC Sports was there every day.

• 1:24:49Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  And we used to do this every day. Now, I don't know whether the other guys kept it up. They're dead, probably.

• 1:24:56Speaker 03

  Yes, but the thi- the thing is, you guys were able to do it as a group.

• 1:25:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:25:00Speaker 03

  So that's conditioning.

• 1:25:01Speaker 01

  I think that maybe.

• 1:25:03Trevor Noah?

  You're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm not disputing the merits of conditioning. It is possible for a human being to do things that they couldn't do before by doing something repeatedly. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying there is an extra element that now creates what we call the super athlete or the. There'll be people who have memories that are outsized. There are people who'll be able to jump or run faster because their muscles twitch in a different way. So I'm saying you have that for sleep. But what's more impressive to me, because genes are genes, you don't choose them. What's more impressive to me, and I think it's to what Dave was alluding to is.

• 1:25:40Trevor Noah?

  You see, you dismissed it very quickly as like, I have a positive attitude because my life's going well. I work at The Daily Show and I live in America and I got to do. Yeah, but I'm like, but you've constantly taken that framing even when the winning is not apparent. Does that make sense? So now it seems obvious because you work at The Daily Show. And now it seems obvious because you work in New York and you're in America and you you. So then it's like, oh, that's like an obvious. But if I took The Daily Show away from you.

• 1:26:10Speaker 01

  It would affect me.

• 1:26:11Trevor Noah?

  You would still go.

• 1:26:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was me without the day.

• 1:26:13Trevor Noah?

  You see, so you'd go like, ah, man, I'm still winning.

• 1:26:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:26:15Trevor Noah?

  Then I go like, okay, and I'll kick you out of America.

• 1:26:17Speaker 01

  I would go like, I was job before America.

• 1:26:19Trevor Noah?

  There you go, you see, you're still winning. Then I go like, okay, you also can't travel the world. I'm going to kick you back to Uganda.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  I was happy in Uganda. No, okay.

• 1:26:26Trevor Noah?

  No, but this, wait, wait, this is what I'm trying to show you. So I go like, I'm gonna take that away from you. I'm also gonna take away all the money you've earned in your life.

• 1:26:33Speaker 01

  I was happy when I had no money.

• 1:26:34Trevor Noah?

  There you go, do you see what I'm saying? So this is like what I'm trying to get to and this is what this is what's always fascinated me about you as a person. You've helped, by the way, you've helped me, I've even told you. You've helped me with this tremendously. Because before I met you, I used to succumb to the idea of a failure or a sadness that I had imposed on myself. One of my, one of my favorite memories, this, this one. This was the first time you did it to me was. We were walking home from The Daily Show and we had just started. We were like a few months in. It was a Friday afternoon. We're walking down Eleventh Avenue in New York. Traffic is backed up, so it's bumper to bumper. Everyone is there honking away, cars going crazy. I don't hear any of this.

• 1:27:19Trevor Noah?

  The only thing I can hear in my head is the fact that we're having a terrible time at the show. Because the ratings are bad. Jon Stewart has death left, we've lost thirty percent of the viewers. Things were terrible. It's like, man, are we ever gonna be able to make this work? Here we are, some random Africans. I'm hosting the show, two Americans, I sound like Joe. Do you know what I mean? So I'm there on TV and I'm like, ah, welcome to The Daily Show, ah, can you believe it? We used to get hate mail because people would say like, why do I say?

• 1:27:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:48Trevor Noah?

  They'll say like, why do I say like words incorrectly?

• 1:27:50Speaker 01

  Like aluminum.

• 1:27:51Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Not just aluminum.

• 1:27:52Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but that's like an obvious one. Oh, yeah, controversy and controversy. Because, because Americans say.

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:57Trevor Noah?

  Which one?

• 1:27:58Speaker 01

  Controversy. The people at work who used to go like, why do you say it again?

• 1:28:01Trevor Noah?

  And I was like, but that's not how we say it. We would get letters. How can this person host the show when they don't even know the correct way to pronounce? So, so then all these things are piling on, all these things are piling on. So we walk out of the building. It's a Friday, so we haven't done a show. And we're walking down the street and man, I, like, I'm just feeling it, I'm feeling it. And the reason I'll never forget it is because around the same time, Leslie Jones had just done Ghostbusters. Right? And so it was the all female reboot of Ghostbusters. And she was getting a lot of hate online and people were saying terrible things about it, you know? Cool, all of this, that, that was happening at exactly the same time. So we're walking out of the building. It's me and Joe.

• 1:28:45Trevor Noah?

  Joe is Joe, his chipper, normal self. So it's Joe on one side. Cars on the other side. And then as we walk past the block of The Daily Show. There was a woman in a BMW, it was a drop top. Yeah. But like one of the, one of the old editions, maybe like a three series, but like maybe a decade back. And she honks and she goes, oh my God, hey Trevor, I love you, I love The Daily Show, yeah. I was like, ah, thank you, thank you very much. And I Didn't even acknowledge it, yes. I put my head down and I carried on. Right? And I carried on what I was saying to Joe and I was like, man. This is so hard and I don't know if we're ever gonna crack this and

• 1:29:28Trevor Noah?

  you know, it's, it feels like we're not getting anywhere and like, ah, man, people don't like us just because of who we are and how do we, how do we figure this out and this is such a hard journey. And then she says that and I acknowledged her and then I carried on walking. And I'll never forget Joe stopped me. Like just before the end of the block, cause like I carried on, I was like, as I was saying, you know, it's so terrible, it's so this. Then Joe was like, just like, what are you doing? I was like, what do you mean? He's like, what are you, what are you doing? I said, what do you mean, what am I doing? He said, are you, are you winning or losing in life? I was like, well, right, right now I'm losing. Then he's like, you're losing? Then he's like, I'll never forget, you turned, you stopped me and you're like, oh my God, you are losing. Then he's, then you're like, you're like, Trevor.

• 1:30:12Trevor Noah?

  There was a woman in a BMW drop top screaming that she loves your show. No one paid her, no one asked her to be here. She told you this. He's like, but you're gonna listen to the internet. Here's a real human being telling you this to your face, but you're gonna listen to the internet. Then he's like, ah, he's like, it's this Leslie Jones. She's headlining a summer blockbuster movie. She's achieved something that most actors will never get to do in their entire lives. But she's focusing on the tweets. You two are the same. You're choosing your misery. You're choosing to be unhappy despite the world showing you every opportunity to choose something else. Then he's like, if you're gonna choose that, you can't be my friend.

• 1:30:56Trevor Noah?

  Cause I don't hang out with losers. They're like, you know when someone speaks to you like you're in a movie? Cause I was like, who says that in real life? You can't be my friend, cause I don't hang out with losers. Cause and then Joe went in classic Joe fashion. Joe was like, he's like, cause he's like, cause like Trevor, he's like, I don't know about you. But me, I'm hashtag winning. He's like, if you cannot see that you're hashtag winning, ah, then you should walk away from the Daily Show. You must go home. Because you are a loser. Not because you are losing, but because you have chosen to lose.

• 1:31:29Speaker 01

  So you can make your choice, but I know I've chosen mine. Cause to take it back to me being a Ghanaian working here. The way, the way I used to think of it is, how many comedians in South Africa? Would change places with Trevor in an instant? If you told them, they would host the Daily Show. And would Trevor be willing to go back to South Africa and be the comedian, watching a South African comedian? Headlining this important show. So for me, the way I used to look at it is.

• 1:31:57Trevor Noah?

  The way you still look at it.

• 1:31:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, so Trevor had like, there was one blogger in Salon, Salon, Salon de Rome. Who was always hammering Trevor, hammering like, oh, he's not John Stewart, this and this and. And Trevor, you know, of course, you know, people on the internet know this. And I used to go like, but Trevor, you have two hundred people. Who come into the studio every day to watch your live show. People are turned away, people are turned away, the studio audience, people are turned away. There are two hundred people, minimum, who come every day to watch you do a show. Why are you worried about one blogger? Why are you worried about one voice on the internet? So for me, it's, it's the thing I was saying about focusing on things. Same thing with Leslie Jones. You're opening one of the biggest movies, you're a black woman who was.

• 1:32:39Speaker 01

  You know the challenges of women in comedy, you know the challenges of black women in life and comedy? And you've made it finally at fifty, right?

• 1:32:46Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  You've made it finally in this hard world. And now you're fighting online with people? And you're crying and they are making, because they're being racist? I was like, if I were Les, and I told you this, if I were Lesley Jones, I'd go like, these tweets are upsetting me so much. I'm going to go and hang out with Tom Cruise right now. I'm going to go and jump in a private jet and go hang out with Smith. You've worked so hard and now you're focusing on things that shouldn't matter. And for me, Trevor, I think you.

• 1:33:15Trevor Noah?

  It's funny, I told you a story, you know, you know, sometimes in life, things, I guess, they just happen the way they're supposed to. You said that to me. I ended up at an SNL after party, which by the way, I think I've only been to one in my life. It might be that one. I've never been to another one. I've never been bumped into Lesley Jones. And I told her what you said. And I remember she messaged me like a week or two afterwards and she's like, yo, I don't know who that guy is, but thank you for changing my whole perspective. Like it's, but that's what I mean is you don't, you don't get like.

• 1:33:47Speaker 01

  I think the way you put, I, I feel like he is, he's out for it. So you can't complain. And I think you said it actually.

• 1:33:52Trevor Noah?

  You, you can do it. I'll, I'll tell you, I'll tell you on a small level how you even do it. We all love, we all love football, right? Not you. But we all love football.

• 1:34:01Speaker 01

  What is he doing here then?

• 1:34:03Trevor Noah?

  So we all love football.

• 1:34:04Speaker 03

  Witnessing a deposition.

• 1:34:06Trevor Noah?

  And we watch, we watch our, we watch our favorite teams. We talk about the game.

• 1:34:11Trevor Noah?

  My friends who support Man United now are in such a doldrum of despair. That one of them in a group text said, I don't know what to tell my son anymore. Because I just bought him a Man United shirt. And when he asks me, daddy, what's going wrong? I don't know what to say.

• 1:34:32Speaker 01

  Child abuse.

• 1:34:33Trevor Noah?

  And this was like his depression and like multiple people, Man United, they, they, they'll look at me and go. Ah, man, I don't even want to talk about, but like with like a deep despair. And I think a lot of football fans can, can acknowledge going through this in some way, shape or form, right? You're a Barcelona fan. When Messi left Barcelona and when you guys went through like one of the biggest slumps. I remember coming to you and poking away.

• 1:35:01Trevor Noah?

  This man looked at me with a joy that seemed honestly delusional. And he went, oh, man, rebuilding is gonna be fun. He's like, oh, you should see the kids coming up in the academy. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Oh, the world that we're getting rid. Then I was like, yeah, but you guys are terrible. Then you're like, yeah, but oof, that means we're gonna rebuild this. That's what, do you understand what I'm trying to say right now?

• 1:35:24Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:35:25Trevor Noah?

  Because now, that's not a fore, that's not a foregone, there, there is no guarantee that Barcelona will get better.

• 1:35:29Speaker 01

  I always look at it the same way. When, when we lost to Liverpool, remember?

• 1:35:32Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 1:35:33Speaker 01

  I go like, oh, but it was a great game. I don't, because, because also soccer is entertainment. So for me, the way I look at it, you said it, I think I'm borrowing from, the thing you are doing at the Daily Show, I felt. The thing you're doing at the Daily Show when everything wasn't going great is you are complaining and bitching about a bad. Shitting on your Ferrari. But you have a Ferrari. How many other people would rather have, because you can clean the bad poo off.

• 1:36:01Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:01Speaker 01

  You still have the Ferrari, yes.

• 1:36:03Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:03Speaker 01

  How many of them would go like, I would rather have that Ferrari with the bad poo, but at least I have a Ferrari. So people, more, many times people focus on the bad poo instead of focusing on the Ferrari. And for me, I call it wasted stress.

• 1:36:16Trevor Noah?

  You call it what?

• 1:36:16Speaker 01

  Wasted stress, like wasted stress. So when, for example, when I came to the Daily Show, there was a writer who came and told me. She had been writing there seven years and she told me every day when they gave a script to write. She thought it was the last day at work. She thought she would write such a bad script, she would get fired. And I just go like, so wait, you've done this for seven years. Every day of those seven years, you haven't enjoyed this experience at all because you're stressed about losing this thing.

• 1:36:47Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:48Speaker 01

  And I was like, no, I told her, no, if I lost the Daily Show, I would go like, oh, thank God, I'm going to get the Daily Show better. I look at it the way, if, if you dated Beyonce, you can either spend the whole time, or if you're married to Beyonce, you can either spend the whole time. Worrying that Beyonce is going to dump you, or you can enjoy it. And go like, hey, if Beyonce dumps me, if Rihanna, Rihanna dumps me, I'll get something better than, because I could get Rihanna. Why do I think she's the best I can get? That means I can get the same or better. And so it's that, I feel like people spend, and I think it's also, people do it because it's seen as a sign of adulting. Like always worrying about stuff, always being anxious. And I don't believe in that because my mom told me, you should never grow up.

• 1:37:33Speaker 01

  You shouldn't, until you've grown up, you should never grow up. Then I'm like, oh, how will I know? She'll be like, you will know. But don't grow up. Cause we're always forced to grow up, like what, in school, people will always be worried. They're like, you're a kid, why are you worried? Just enjoy this experience. Again, at the Daily Show, I remember, um, you hired this, a producer. And after two weeks, she had never said anything in the meeting. And she comes to me and she goes like, yo, can I have a word? And I went like, oh, what's up? Then she went like, how do you, how come you confidently pitch jokes and texts in a meeting, yet? You have an accent. How come that doesn't like hold you back? Cause me, every time I try to say something, I start second guessing myself. Oh, is it smart enough? Would I seem dumb? Oh, this. Then I thought that, I don't think about that.

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  I feel like I belong in the room because I'm in the room. I don't feel any less smart because of my accent. I feel, so then I told her, it's like, and again, wrong, wrong analogy. I said, I said, it's like being on Epstein's island. No one is going around going like, hey, what, everyone assumes you're a billionaire. Celebrity and you belong.

• 1:38:38Trevor Noah?

  Was this the analogy you used then?

• 1:38:40Speaker 01

  I used, no, I used analogy of like, I used, I used illuminati.

• 1:38:43Speaker 02

  This is, I was, I was feeling you, you were changing my way of looking at the world. Belong in the room. You know, then I'm like, okay, cool. And that one, I'm like, then this guy, wow.

• 1:38:56Speaker 01

  No, listen, so I've updated it, but back then I said illuminati.

• 1:38:59Trevor Noah?

  Okay, okay. So no, tell me the updated one then. So what's the updated?

• 1:39:02Speaker 01

  So if you're at Epstein's island.

• 1:39:03Speaker 02

  No, don't take away Epstein's island.

• 1:39:06Trevor Noah?

  No, Epstein's island, bro. Okay, okay. Don't do that. Don't bring that juju here, bro.

• 1:39:09Speaker 01

  Okay, let me say, if there is a billionaires club, and you show up, no one is going to go like, okay, let's check. Everyone assumes you're a billionaire because you're there. So I told this girl, the fact that you're at the Daily Show, everyone assumes you're smart.

• 1:39:22Trevor Noah?

  So you have the, so you have the opposite of imposter syndrome is what you're saying?

• 1:39:25Speaker 01

  Cause I'm, I don't understand imposter, cause I'm going like. You can, you might say dumb stuff, but no one will assume you're dumb because you're in the room.

• 1:39:32Trevor Noah?

  But what if they do assume you're dumb?

• 1:39:33Speaker 01

  They, how, why would they?

• 1:39:35Trevor Noah?

  No, but what if they do?

• 1:39:36Speaker 01

  And then I don't care because I don't care what people think about me.

• 1:39:38Trevor Noah?

  Ah, there you go.

• 1:39:39Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 1:39:39Trevor Noah?

  Okay, now there you go. Now you're getting an interesting thing.

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  I've said this to like comedians when they go on stage and they are nervous. I go like, I don't care if I bump because I know I'm funny. I've made people laugh all my life. If people, so.

• 1:39:51Trevor Noah?

  So no, no. So this is actually what I'm trying to get to. You see, this is, this is not, now we've hit the nail on the head. Actually, we've gone deeper here.

• 1:39:58Trevor Noah?

  You, how often would you say you buy clothes?

• 1:40:01Speaker 01

  Never. My sisters buy me clothes, but I've never gone shopping.

• 1:40:05Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 1:40:06Speaker 01

  And they only buy me clothes because they use my credit card. So they're guilty. So they go like, let's buy him something. Let's give him something.

• 1:40:12Trevor Noah?

  But you literally.

• 1:40:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've never, I've never.

• 1:40:14Trevor Noah?

  I've never, ever, ever heard you say the phrase, I'm going shopping or I'm gonna buy clothes. Ever. Ever, ever.

• 1:40:20Speaker 01

  That doesn't interest me.

• 1:40:21Trevor Noah?

  Rolling with you, anyone who knows you knows you're notoriously the guy who will be wearing like free T-shirts from like the local hardware store and local real estate agencies and like that's you. And I remember one day saying to you, this, this is, this is a crazy one. I was going on a date one day. And then Joe and I walked back to the apartment. You might have been there as well, but we walked back to the apartment and then Joe went. I was like, ah, let me go get changed. Then Joe was like, changed for what? I said, I'm gonna go to a date. And then you went, but you're already dressed. Then I said, no, no, I'm gonna dress up for the date.

• 1:40:58Trevor Noah?

  And this broke your mind. Like, I literally remember you going, but, but you, you're dressed. Then I said, yes, but I want to dress for the date. And then you basically said, why are you trying to appear the way that you are not? Why not just show up the way that you are?

• 1:41:21Trevor Noah?

  And then I was like, well then, but then you're not putting your best foot forward. And then you said something that has stuck with me forever. You basically said, if you're gonna go on a date as your best self, meet somebody as your best self, have them fall in love with you as your best self, and then turn into your real self. How can you blame them when they stop liking you? You like versus showing up as your real self

• 1:41:49Trevor Noah?

  with not your best clothes, with not your best vibe, with not your best energy, with not, just you, not terrible, just you. And then I said, yeah, but then what if they don't like you? And then you said, well, then they don't like me. At least now I know that they don't like me versus they like me for who I'm not. And that's, that's a weird, you don't understand how weird that is on an alien level. That's what I'm saying, is don't care is like the wrong phrase sometimes, because it makes it seem like, because you're a caring person. Do you get what I'm saying?

• 1:42:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:42:21Trevor Noah?

  No, because like if someone said, Joe, you make me uncomfortable, you wouldn't be like, I don't care what you think about me. That's not the same thing.

• 1:42:27Speaker 01

  No, but that's the trap though. Because the thing is, no matter when people go like, I don't care. The next logical progression of that is they turn into jackasses.

• 1:42:36Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:37Speaker 01

  So they turn into maybe tramps. People, people, people take, so when you, when you have the ability not to care, people abuse it.

• 1:42:47Speaker 01

  Does that make sense?

• 1:42:47Trevor Noah?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:42:48Speaker 01

  So they go like, I don't care what anyone thinks, and they think that's a license to be cruel, to be colorless, to be, so the, the, the, the, the, the trick isn't avoiding that trap. You don't care about what people say or what people think of you, but you still care enough to be a civil human being. Does that make sense?

• 1:43:05Trevor Noah?

  That's, you don't care about what they think, you care about what you think.

• 1:43:08Speaker 01

  Yes, what I think. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror. So if I went on a date and lied to a guy, not lying, but if I dressed up or also I'm putting too much stock in this guy, I'm just meeting you. Why do I care that much what you think? Why? And also like, if you don't come into my life, then you're not in my, you're not in my life before. You're not in my life now. Nothing has changed.

• 1:43:28Speaker 03

  It's like this quote where it says, uh. If you care so much about what people think, you'd actually be surprised at how much, how little they think of you.

• 1:43:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. I literally used to tell this to, my mom used to tell me. Hey, why are you going out like that? People tell me this at the Daily Show, because remember when you told me, Trevor always invites me to raid his wardrobe. Come and get, because we have the same shoe size and all that. Come and get whatever you want. And he invited me and I just took out one pair of sneakers and went like, yo, that's all you've seen in his house? Full of sneakers, I'm like, yeah.

• 1:43:58Speaker 03

  No, I've never.

• 1:43:59Speaker 01

  Then I went like, I'll just take one.

• 1:44:00Speaker 03

  Never, never.

• 1:44:02Speaker 01

  Why would I just, no, because he's never invited you because you don't have the same body type. So here's the thing. So he invites me and goes like, you're only taking one, then I'm like, yeah, one is enough. And I've been wearing the same, remember when you were like, you're still putting on the same shoe every day? And I went like, yeah. Because I don't have to wake up and think about what I'm going to dress up. I know what I'm going to dress up in because the shoe is there. And so for me, the way I look at it is, this is, this is an interesting, I'll put it like this, I have so much aura. I don't need to add aura, like, I need to give Trevor a chance. Because if I add too much aura now with clothes and how I look and this, Trevor has no chance. I have, so when you have status, you don't need to put on status symbols.

• 1:44:42Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't need to wear a watch, I don't need to drive the latest car. I'm enough, that makes sense. So to the point of.

• 1:44:50Speaker 01

  I don't care what people think. So my mom used to go like, how are you going to get out dressed, the point we're making? Why would you go dressed like that? And I, what, what would people think? Or like, yo, you put on that yesterday, you put on that shoe yesterday, or you put on that coat yesterday, people will think you're rebounding the clothes. And I, then I used to like, if someone loves me so much, they notice what I put on yesterday and today, then they're such big fans. I shouldn't really care what they think. They're already such big fans because I don't notice what people wear. I literally don't, I don't wear one, I don't notice what, if, if people, I don't notice if you look different, if you change your hairstyle that much. I just go like, oh. I'm not bamboozled by the what you are. I like who you are. So it's the same thing. You know I have no form. You know I'm not.

• 1:45:35Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, you are formalist.

• 1:45:36Speaker 01

  I'm a formal, I'm, and apart from when, oh, which book would I read? We did this, remember when you had, when you taped your special, Netflix special?

• 1:45:45Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:46Speaker 01

  And we went back to your place. And we were like a small gathering, you, your team, friends, and we're having a great time. It was a Saturday, I remember, we're having an amazing time, you know, small party, of course, people were having fun, were talking and all this. And then around two A M. You receive the phone call from Dave Chappelle. And it was okay, I'm at the S N L after party. And Solange was performing.

• 1:46:09Trevor Noah?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, that was when Beyonce and.

• 1:46:12Speaker 01

  Yes. So then Dave Chappelle goes like Solange is performing or performed. So Beyonce and Jay-Z are here. Do you want to come through? And then you turn to everyone and you were like, guys, Beyonce, Dave Chappelle, Solange, Jay-Z at the S N L party. Should we hit it? And everyone were like, hell, yeah. And I was like, I'm not leaving. Cause I went like, we have a good thing going here. This thing is amazing. Everyone was vibing, we're having a good time. Then everyone goes like.

• 1:46:40Speaker 01

  Us we are bouncing. Joe, you're crazy. Apart from the people I was talking to, who we were having a great time, there were like two girls and, you know, and we're having a great time. So you guys bounce. We stay cause we were having a great time, you're having a great time. And then you guys come back.

• 1:46:56Speaker 01

  Forty five, an hour, forty five minutes an hour later and you go like, yo, Joe, it was dead out there. So I never have that thing of. Oh, what is a grass greener and this and that? No, I just. I just love being in the moment, enjoying the thing and. So to that, to that, to that point, I've never seen the, I've never seen the, I've never had the urge to value add. To myself.

• 1:47:20Trevor Noah?

  Don't press anything. We've got more. What now? After this.

• 1:47:27Trevor Noah?

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• 1:48:12Trevor Noah?

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• 1:48:57Trevor Noah?

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• 1:50:39Speaker 02

  Can I have one more question?

• 1:50:42Speaker 02

  The, um, speaking of alien things, how many? What would, how many cruises would you say you've been on?

• 1:50:50Speaker 01

  Too many to count. Too many that I haven't personal cruise consultant.

• 1:50:54Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, we, we have to like give this context. So there's one thing that Joe loves more than anything in the world, that's football. If, if I was to put it in order, I would say family, football, and then in third place, cruise ships.

• 1:51:10Speaker 01

  Very close that.

• 1:51:13Trevor Noah?

  This man loves going on a cruise ship more than any human being I've ever met in my life. If you've been on a cruise ship, you've probably been on it with this man.

• 1:51:26Speaker 02

  Just give a number, just to so.

• 1:51:28Speaker 01

  No, because I try to go every break we have.

• 1:51:31Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 1:51:31Speaker 01

  And at the Daily Show, we have a bunch of breaks. We just had one.

• 1:51:35Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:51:36Speaker 01

  So now, no, we have like two weeks, or three weeks, we just came off a month.

• 1:51:39Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:51:40Speaker 01

  The one big beautiful break.

• 1:51:41Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 1:51:42Speaker 01

  So I try to go because I come from a landlocked country.

• 1:51:45Trevor Noah?

  No, no, just tell us the number.

• 1:51:46Speaker 02

  We're not need a number.

• 1:51:47Speaker 01

  So I've been on probably. Wow, more than twenty five.

• 1:51:52Speaker 02

  More than twenty five cruises.

• 1:51:54Speaker 01

  And I think that's underestimating it.

• 1:51:56Speaker 02

  Also, the the time they started, this is not your whole life.

• 1:51:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, no, I started in twenty sixteen.

• 1:52:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  Going on cruises. Yes. How did you discover cruise? Did you watch Love Boat? No, because I just, we have like the Daily Show, right next to Daily Show, there's a cruise ship terminal.

• 1:52:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:52:10Speaker 01

  And I've always.

• 1:52:11Speaker 02

  There's also a hustler strip club.

• 1:52:13Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:52:15Speaker 02

  But you got into one and not the other.

• 1:52:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:52:17Speaker 02

  Okay, can we just pause for one second, pause, I just need, sorry, this might be a waste of time, I just need everybody.

• 1:52:23Speaker 01

  Only now.

• 1:52:24Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, I'm saying, I just need everyone to just, no, no, I'm not saying me, I'm saying I'd like this to, I'd like people to take a moment and just do this. Think of when twenty sixteen was, it was recently.

• 1:52:38Speaker 01

  And there was also the pandemic.

• 1:52:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, just think of, and there's a pandemic minus, so let's move that to twenty nineteen.

• 1:52:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:52:46Speaker 02

  Let's move it to twenty nineteen, think of what a cruise is. You've got in your head, there's a ship, there's passengers, there's the whole setting a sail.

• 1:52:57Speaker 01

  Shrimp, shrimp buffet.

• 1:52:59Speaker 02

  Shrimp, yeah.

• 1:53:02Speaker 02

  Now, if someone says.

• 1:53:04Speaker 01

  Deviled eggs.

• 1:53:04Speaker 02

  I've been in the last six years on twenty five cruises and I'm not a cruise worker, not a captain of a ship.

• 1:53:13Speaker 01

  I'm, I've been the captain though.

• 1:53:15Speaker 02

  I'm.

• 1:53:15Speaker 01

  You see, I am the captain now. I have been the captain now.

• 1:53:21Speaker 02

  That would require, in the way you're saying, uh, there's a certain happiness, you know, like why is happy, the questions you've been asking, you know, that would require some deep analysis, do you know what I mean? It's a, it's not a simple thing.

• 1:53:34Speaker 01

  Yes, why, like, so what, what, what is it? Okay, so one quick thing is, when you have a Ugandan passport,

• 1:53:41Speaker 01

  every airport you go to, you're almost taken to a corner randomly, just for some questions. A cruise, you can't move to multiple countries while avoiding that hassle of waiting at the airport, being taken out of line, having to apply for visas, because some cruises, most cruises actually are, if you're on a cruise ship, you don't need a visa, because they expect you to come back on the ship. Yes, so it's a very. Efficient and great way to travel to different countries without the hassle. But also, I come from a landlocked country. We've never, I'd, I'd never encountered big waters like that. We have a lake, we have a river, but that's it.

• 1:54:21Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:22Speaker 01

  So when I came, I went like, oh, this is amazing. And then I also don't like, you know this about me, I don't like the minor stresses of thinking about food and this. And the cruise ship, basically, it's like a kindergarten, but for travelers. Everything is catered for. Food is there, you know, or you don't have to think of things, oh, now I have to go, oh, where can I find restaurants and all this and all that. So I like that. But I've been to so many, to Dave's question, that I've been invited many times to go meet the captain. Cause you know, when you're a frequent traveler, so to speak, they hold like.

• 1:54:53Trevor Noah?

  Frequent sailor.

• 1:54:54Speaker 01

  Yes, sailor. So they hold the reception for you.

• 1:54:56Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 1:54:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:55:00Trevor Noah?

  So when you're a frequent sailor.

• 1:55:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:55:02Trevor Noah?

  They give you a special hat and a special reception and then you go in.

• 1:55:05Speaker 01

  You know, you get to meet.

• 1:55:06Trevor Noah?

  They pull you out of the line still.

• 1:55:07Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, you know, they, yeah, they, they, they, they hold like a.

• 1:55:09Trevor Noah?

  They help you.

• 1:55:10Speaker 01

  Yes. No, no, they go, they go like, we have a thing, we're going to meet the deck, people, they, you know.

• 1:55:14Trevor Noah?

  No way.

• 1:55:15Speaker 01

  So then you, so then, the first one, the first one I went to.

• 1:55:18Trevor Noah?

  Hmm.

• 1:55:19Speaker 01

  It was like the captain, his crew, and then the passengers had been brought, were like all white and old.

• 1:55:26Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, cruise passengers.

• 1:55:27Speaker 01

  Very old, like, cause they had been over the course of their years.

• 1:55:30Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, because they, because they had been on ten cruises in their lifetime.

• 1:55:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:55:34Trevor Noah?

  Which is like, that's now you are, you are like super VIP. Cause they were like, in your lifetime, you've been on ten cruises. Meanwhile, here's Joseph.

• 1:55:42Speaker 01

  So then I turned up.

• 1:55:43Trevor Noah?

  Three years in, twelve cruises deep.

• 1:55:45Speaker 01

  I turned up and they went like, and because of probably the way I was dressed, cause it was cocktail, but I was dressed the way I want. And I think they went like, oh, this must be one of the, you know.

• 1:55:55Trevor Noah?

  Somali pirates.

• 1:55:56Speaker 01

  Waka. Oh, oh, yes. So, so, so I turn, yeah, exactly. Somali pirates raiding the ship. So I turn up and then I was the only black guy there, one. I was the only guy under forty.

• 1:56:11Speaker 01

  And so they go like, whoa, so how did you end up, they were, they were really surprised. And I, I, I know, like every chance I get, every chance I get.

• 1:56:21Speaker 01

  So for me, I do this and I do this with food as well. If I find something I enjoy, I do that thing and I, I'll do it. I won't try to like venture. You don't value it. Yeah, some, something with like, when I eat, when I, when I go out with you, I eat the same Indian food every time. Yeah. And you sometimes go like, oh, you're trying. I go like, no, but I found the thing that I like. Yeah. So why should I try to affirm the thing that works for me? And so.

• 1:56:47Speaker 01

  I feel like it could also be like, you know, when, when, when the way I was brought up, cause my mom again to go back to her. So my mom taught me like certain things. One of the biggest things she gave me, I remember, one of the biggest lessons, and she doesn't even remember it. Cause mothers are like that. They say things and they don't think about them. So when we were teenagers. You know, you start sneaking around, boys start sneaking around with girls, you know, corners around, yeah. And my mom, I remember, told me, and I was too young to even think about girls like that. And he was like, hey, if you ever want to get a girl. Please don't be like these friends of yours who we see at the side of gates, you know, in dark corners, bring the girl home. Bring the girl home and let's meet her. And so she told me, whatever decision you make, it should always be for you. Hmm. That makes sense. Hmm.

• 1:57:33Speaker 01

  Whatever decision, she told me, you can, if you want to do drugs, if you want to rob a bank, if you want to beat up teachers, do it for you. I'll back you a hundred percent of the way. The only thing I never want you to do is to try to pass the blame. So when you're like sewing, sewing, sewing, when the ripping comes, I don't want you to go like, oh, I was peer pressured by my friends. Hmm. To smoke or to do this or to do that. You have to own everything. So when, when the consequences come. I want you to go like, okay, I knew this was coming. So when I go like, oh, I love cruises. And people go like, oh, people laugh all the, I go like, no, but I'm comfortable with my choice. We don't laugh, we are fascinated. Okay, no, people are fascinated. I love. Yes, yeah, no, but I'm, I'm.

• 1:58:18Speaker 01

  I don't laugh at you. I laugh cause it's, cause it's a crazy thing. No, so I go like every decision I make. If you told me, hey, let's go. G S and Beyonce and these people, I'll go like, okay, nah, I won't go. So I won't have form, I won't regret. So everything I do.

• 1:58:31Trevor Noah?

  You've turned down a trip that we were gonna go on once because there was a football tournament on T V. Then Joe was like, no, thank you. Then I was like, Joe, we're gonna go travel, we're gonna go to Costa Rica. And then he was like, ah, he's like, are they gonna have all the games? I was like, it's Costa Rica. He's like, yeah, but I'm not interested in Costa Rica. I'm interested in the, what tournament was it?

• 1:58:51Speaker 01

  It was Confederations Cup.

• 1:58:52Trevor Noah?

  It was the Confed Cup, not the World Cup, the Confed Cup. Joe was like, ah, you guys will have to miss me. Cause I have three games a day. Ah, man, enjoy your trip to Costa Rica. Let me ask you, let me ask you this before we let you go. Um, cause I haven't seen you in, in a few weeks now. What is happening in Uganda that like Trump is deporting people to Uganda? Like, why is like Uganda the threat? What do we not know about Uganda? That that's become like the.

• 1:59:17Speaker 01

  Well, for starters, we gave you Zorhan Mamdani.

• 1:59:19Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but I mean.

• 1:59:21Speaker 01

  In Trump's book, that's already. The original scene. No, I'll put like, so I went, I went back to Uganda during the one big beautiful break. I went back on.

• 1:59:30Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:31Speaker 01

  And first of all, I thought, and I was thinking this, because I had come back, so I came back. And I was thinking, Trump must have been so happy to see me go, because he must have been like, they are self-deporting now. Back to Uganda. And then I surprised him and came back. And that's why he died and then rose again.

• 1:59:48Speaker 01

  I thought they were gone, but now they're sneaking back. And no, so Uganda is funny in that. I think it's, Uganda is a huge ally of the United States.

• 1:59:59Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:59Speaker 01

  Funny enough, like we helped them in Somalia, because our troops are in Somalia.

• 2:00:02Trevor Noah?

  Uh huh.

• 2:00:03Speaker 01

  Pursuing American interests. And Uganda is a poor country, so money is in his hands, obviously. So I think. Trump like made a deal with the Ghanaian government to take these like people he wants to deport.

• 2:00:16Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:17Speaker 01

  Rwanda made the same deal, funny enough, with Britain.

• 2:00:19Trevor Noah?

  Yes, yeah.

• 2:00:20Speaker 01

  So, yeah, so they make this deal.

• 2:00:22Trevor Noah?

  Do you know, do you know what the deal, wait, but what is the deal? Is the deal that they're gonna go to a prison in Uganda?

• 2:00:26Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 2:00:27Trevor Noah?

  Cause they literally said to one of the people, they said, you have two choices.

• 2:00:30Speaker 01

  The yes.

• 2:00:31Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, they said you have two choices. You can go to prison or you can go to Uganda. Then I went, I know Uganda, I know people from Uganda. What am I missing that your punishment is Uganda?

• 2:00:41Speaker 01

  No, but I'll say this, all jokes aside, Uganda is a very hospitable country. So we have, we have.

• 2:00:45Trevor Noah?

  But that's what I'm saying.

• 2:00:46Speaker 01

  Here's the thing, we have one of the most, no, but I don't mean hospitable like the way you think about it. We have one of the biggest. When it comes to taking in refugees.

• 2:00:54Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:55Speaker 01

  We are one of the biggest, probably the biggest country. We're taking refugees from the Congo, we're taking refugees from Sudan. We took in Nelson Mandela and the A N C activists.

• 2:01:04Trevor Noah?

  Wow.

• 2:01:05Speaker 01

  Always are very welcoming. We took in people from Afghanistan. Even if one of the writers at the show made a joke, they would show up and go like, we thought we had it bad. We need to go back. But the thing is, Ugandans are very welcoming. We are very, we're taking refugees like by the millions.

• 2:01:21Trevor Noah?

  Wow.

• 2:01:21Speaker 01

  We don't have, we're taking illiterate, we're taking, we don't have like the, what do you say xenophobia?

• 2:01:27Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, that's a South African, in Africa, like.

• 2:01:30Speaker 01

  No, but even America.

• 2:01:31Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but I'm saying like a top, like, yeah.

• 2:01:33Speaker 01

  No, no, Ugandans are very, and I think it's our, it's because of, because remember Uganda is also the only country, I think in Africa, which wasn't colonized. We were a protectorate, we basically invited the British over, went, okay, guys, calm.

• 2:01:46Trevor Noah?

  That's how hospitable.

• 2:01:47Speaker 01

  Yes, and then they went like, but we're colonizing Kenya, and when they, then they're like, okay, this is going to be a situation shift. And we didn't even fight. We never fought for independence. They went like, we're bouncing. This whole colonial project's not working out, we're bouncing. And we're like, okay, bye bye. We are not that kind of people. Ugandans are very chill people, very hospitable, very nice people. I don't know what happened with them. But very, probably South Africa, but no, very, very, so we, we are open to people coming in, we are very open. And Uganda, fun enough, and I'll think about this with Zoran, Uganda always finds itself, such a small country. We find ourselves always at the like.

• 2:02:30Speaker 01

  I think, we, we always find ourselves in like historic moments.

• 2:02:33Trevor Noah?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:02:33Speaker 01

  Always getting involved.

• 2:02:34Trevor Noah?

  Nexus of things that are happening.

• 2:02:36Speaker 01

  Yes, so for a small country, so I was telling, I was telling, I was telling a Jewish friend, I've told, you've seen me tell this to Jewish friends, I can never be antisemitic. I can, I can never be because we offered them. The Jews in before they went to Palestine. Yeah. They were supposed to come to Uganda. The British literally told them you can go to Uganda. This was post World War. Yeah, post World War Two. So Israel could have been in Uganda. I could have been the Palestinian, you know, activist. So they they were actually this close to coming and then they went like, ah, sorry, no. Uganda is very fertile, very nice place. And they went like, no, we're going to the desert. So then they go to Palestine. Another moment of Uganda being like in a weird global flashpoint. They they hijack this man, they fly all over the world. No one wants to take in a hijacked plane.

• 2:03:22Speaker 01

  Idi Amin goes like, I'll have them. Let them come and refuel because Idi Amin was Muslim and he he identified with the Palestinian cause. So they come in, and this is what I'm telling you, this story is going to become apparent in in a short time. So they come in and then you've heard of the movie Red on Entebbe? Red on Entebbe is when the Israeli like commandos came to rescue the Israeli. Right. People were hostages. Yes, were on the plane. So they come in.

• 2:03:50Speaker 01

  And guess who was leading that mission? Zohan? No, Benja Benjamin Bibi Netanyahu's brother. Wow. He was the commander. He led that mission. And so they come and rescue the hostages, kill the Palestinian terrorists and all that. And then as they are leaving, a Ugandan sniper takes out the commander.

• 2:04:09Speaker 01

  Of the Israel commanders. Yo, what? Takes out Bibi Netanyahu's brother. And that's the incident that when you read Bibi Netanyahu's book. That's the incident that radicalized him. That is villain villain story. That's his origin story. That's his origin story. His brother was killed in Uganda.

• 2:04:29Speaker 01

  Because he had come to rescue. The movie is this is a very huge, if you talk about, if you talk to Jews, if you talk to Jews, this is a very big. Historical moment in their life, like the Red on Entebbe. And now, after all that, now Zohar is causing chaos. Where is he from? Uganda. For such a small country, we always. So now, and then the next thing you hear Trump. Most people don't know this, the story about Uganda. Uganda was supposed to be the next Palestine. It's, I think it came down to one vote.

• 2:05:01Speaker 01

  The Zionist, you know, league sat and they went like, nope, we want to go to the country we were promised and all that. But Uganda, because the British controlled Uganda, so they were going to go. And then now you have this, and then Bibi Netanyahu, so all this, Bibi Netanyahu, the pain he has, the radicalization, the monster he has become. It's all because his brother, his oldest brother, you can imagine how like.

• 2:05:23Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 2:05:24Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:05:25Speaker 03

  Damn Uganda, huh?

• 2:05:27Speaker 01

  You're not gonna believe this. It's almost like swordfish.

• 2:05:35Speaker 03

  Oh my goodness.

• 2:05:37Speaker 01

  The jury is like, what's happening right now?

• 2:05:39Speaker 03

  No, no, I'm, I'm.

• 2:05:40Speaker 01

  But also like, but also like, look at the story we have with South Africa.

• 2:05:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:05:45Speaker 01

  The story we have, most of the activists, were in Uganda, like, because the South, because the South and Central countries. South, South and Central African countries used to sell them out to the apartheid government.

• 2:05:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:05:56Speaker 01

  And the only country, because Museveni was such a, our president is such a Pan-Africanist, he, yeah. Our national stadium is named after Mandela.

• 2:06:06Speaker 03

  You know what you're explaining about Uganda is so interesting. You know the story about how the French became the French?

• 2:06:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:06:15Speaker 03

  So during the.

• 2:06:16Speaker 01

  Born like that?

• 2:06:20Speaker 03

  During the Roman Empire machine rolling out in Europe, there was a small Germanic tribe. That told the Romans that you could not want to do that with us, we're going to self-determine, we're going to tell ourselves what to do. They became the French.

• 2:06:32Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 2:06:32Trevor Noah?

  Oh, this is the Asterix and Oblix complex, basically, right?

• 2:06:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that's why when you speak your mind, they say you're being frank.

• 2:06:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:06:40Speaker 03

  And, and that's why the term franchising came from. When you run your own little operation within a big operation, they call it franchise. So Africa is Franks. And franchise is Uganda, they were able to self-determine a lot of things and they were able to tell the big, rolling out, um. Machine, which is, was the British colonizers, that, hold on, hold on, we're going to do it our way. And that way, no one ever wanted to do anything to them.

• 2:07:05Speaker 01

  Yes, I, I always go, the way, the way I think about it is, I think Uganda is like the forest gump. Of like international global relations, we're always like in the middle of things, but we're so small.

• 2:07:14Speaker 03

  You're out to dump tin, puss and boots.

• 2:07:16Speaker 01

  Always.

• 2:07:16Speaker 03

  You were there when every fairy tale was coming to an end, you were like, I was there.

• 2:07:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:07:20Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:07:21Speaker 01

  But. I also think we're a very lucky country. I think the thing you were saying or the thing they was asking about how I'm, why I'm always happy. I think I'm a lucky, I think, I think I'm a lucky guy. I genuinely think. Yeah. Like, it's not a competition, but I think I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world. Everything, like, you know, everything I've done, you know, like. Yeah. You know my story, like, leaving Los, you know, I had a, I was a lawyer to become a comedian in Uganda where there's no comedy. Ending up in New York, meeting you, you said this, you said this, I remember. You told me, cause here's a funny story. So we start work, we, we hung out with Trevor, we start working together. You know, he starts, he goes like, oh, you know, I like your ideas, let's work together. Then, you know, I get to meet his team. Then, then he goes, okay, how about you write for me? Hmm.

• 2:08:00Speaker 01

  This was pre-Daily Show, and I remember I told Trevor, but I'm also a comedian, and I can't give you my best bits. And also, besides, you're a road comedian, you can't afford me. And so when, and then Trevor goes like to share. And so when Trevor got the Daily Show, the first text he sent me, I remember you in the Middle East. He told me I can afford you now, bitch. That was his job offer. That was his job offer.

• 2:08:26Speaker 01

  It started with an HR violation. So anyway. So anyway, the reason I say I'm lucky is Trevor said, told me something that also stayed with me. Remember you told me, if I didn't come to the US. I'll never end up with you. Cause you kept asking, so I can come over. Yeah. And then he also told me, if you didn't, cause my visa was three months. He told me, if you had come three months be- before. Before. We would never have met, cause I was on the road. Yeah. If you had come three months after, we would never have met, because I was now at the Daily Show, I'm not meeting randoms at the Comedy Center. So I feel like. Hmm. For me, everything, and it goes back to the thing I was telling you, being born a guy in Africa, cause in Africa, a girl to live a thriving low career to become, it's, it's.

• 2:09:10Speaker 01

  Everyone go like, this was a waste of money. Yeah. But a guy, people go like, oh, boys will be boys. And you know, when you come from a supportive family and a tight-knit family and you know, not everyone has that. Hmm. And so, when I, when I, when I left law to become a comedian, when there's no comedy in Uganda. And everyone went like, oh, this guy has lost it. Cause there were people who thought, because I had done so well in my SATs. I was basically sponsored by the government to study law. And the post said, oh, people thought I was gonna be that on the general. And so point like, oh, he has wasted his potential. The attorney general. People thought I was on the. That was like your natural progression. They were like, at some point you'd be the attorney general of Uganda. They thought. That was, that was their dream for me. It wasn't my dream. So, I remember everyone went like, oh, he has lost his mind.

• 2:09:52Speaker 01

  And the only person who understood was my mom. My mom told me, oh, you've never, you've never messed up. I don't think about to start. So, all that, like the lack of coming from people who are supportive, the lack of having like a tight-knit family that you can trust, the lack of like. Drawing or attracting, ending up with like very nice people in your life. Yeah. People don't count those blessings. Or people don't go like, oh. Not everyone has like very supportive friends or good friends or like interesting friends even. Hmm. And so for me, I'm always like, to go to the question Dave was asking of being happy, I'm always like counting my blessings. I was like, oh, wow. Oh, wow. Look, everything that has happened to me is way better than my.

• 2:10:37Speaker 01

  Like craziest dreams. Hmm. It doesn't mean you stop working, but it just, you just go like, wow, I'm really hashtag winning at life. It's your opio. The luckiest man alive. This was fun, man. Also the most interesting man in the.

• 2:10:56Speaker 01

  This was fun for you. That's, that's what I do. I do it for myself. Yes, it was fun for you. Hang out with me for two hours and we're not watching a football game. I've never. No matter when I hang out with you for two hours, this, some. That's how I have to brave you. That's how I have to bribe you, basically. I'm gonna, there has to be some reward for me. Exactly. That's what I mean. And then you brought, you brought Eugene.

• 2:11:17Speaker 01

  Now we are taping this threesome.

• 2:11:21Speaker 01

  And Eugene is doing all the watching, which makes it very uncomfortable.

• 2:11:26Speaker 01

  Sitting in his cock chair.

• 2:11:30Speaker 01

  Oh man, this was fun Joe, thank you. No Trevor, it was a pleasure man, it was a pleasure brother. Oh, thank you Dave, thank you very much. Thanks for being the viewer's uh. You know, you know, you know. The viewer's voice. You know, you know, you know, before we go, let me tell you one story about Trevor. Because people don't know this about Trevor, because someone was asking me, and I've seen people write about you and people don't understand, people who haven't met you. And it goes back to the thing you're saying now, just thanking me. Trevor changed my life essentially, right? He did change my life, you know, coming to the Daily Show and I remember. And he has done things for me, he's taken me to Barcelona a bunch of times. Gotten me to meet like my biggest footballing heroes, taken me to two World Cups. And I remember Trevor sending me a text message, I don't know if you remember. Okay, I remember when he first gave me the job, the first time I realized he was a nice guy, really.

• 2:12:14Speaker 01

  When Trevor hired me, you remember the text you sent me? No. He sent me a text that said, hey Joe, uh, it might not work out, right? You know, you could come, go crazy or whatever. You know, you're in Shobis for the first time in Uganda and you could, you know, I don't know how you, there's never been a Ugandan in Shobis. It's not your natural habitat, I don't know how you would respond. And basically he went like, yo, if it doesn't work out, promise me we'll always be friends. Because we were friends before the Daily Show, we shouldn't be friends post, if it doesn't work out. And then I read that text message, I went like, wow. Because you know in Africa, when someone does you a favor. Yeah. They make you aware that they're doing you a favor. That's why we have no blood donations and organ. I, I. You would know. I was, I.

• 2:12:58Speaker 01

  Someone's calling you, you would know. I was like, this man should be telling me, hey, if it doesn't work out, I'll never talk to you ever again. But he was like, hey. And then the other text you sent me, this was before we went to the World Cup, you went like. Yo, you've enriched my life and all this and all this. No, no, this was after, after the World Cup, I think, I don't know, I did something. I think it was when I did the World According to Football thing. May, I don't know. Where I, where he helped me like win an Emmy essentially, but again, luck, because remember how I came onto that project? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, almost like, you know, it was luck. And then after like, we do the project, we finish it and he went like, oh man, thank you so much, you've changed, you know, this is, you know, right, it's the same, you know, usually like. White Trevor stuff, you know, yeah, when the white side comes out, eh? Ooh, yes, oh, you changed my life.

• 2:13:45Speaker 01

  Ah, here comes whiteness.

• 2:13:47Speaker 03

  It almost feels like he writes them with a pen feather.

• 2:13:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:13:52Speaker 01

  So then.

• 2:13:52Speaker 03

  From the governor.

• 2:13:55Speaker 03

  I write me.

• 2:13:57Speaker 01

  So he writes this and he goes like you've enriched my life and I was, I read it and I just went like, yo, if someone was keeping count, I'm winning way harder in this relationship than you are. You know, if you're trying to take him to the world cup, done this, done this.

• 2:14:10Speaker 03

  I'm here.

• 2:14:10Speaker 01

  Yes, you, no, but like you have done things through you, which I would never done or which are like beyond my crazy streams. But Trevor will literally thank you. Even if, when it comes to friendship, like if you're keeping score, he's losing like crazy. I'm like eight nil up and he's like, oh Joe, you've given me an amazing game.

• 2:14:28Speaker 03

  It's funny because I said this the other day, I said, in the, in the years that I've known, in the, because you know as humans, we're trying to rack up as much karma, coming point as possible. I said, your frequent mileage is crazy. You've racked up so much good karma your way and it's evident people don't need to be paid to say, they just.

• 2:14:47Speaker 01

  And without, by the, without keeping score.

• 2:14:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:14:51Speaker 01

  Without.

• 2:14:51Speaker 03

  Hundred percent, I get it.

• 2:14:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, without, without, there are people who are, and I think you might be one of them. There are people, so my sister, my, my twin sister is one of them.

• 2:15:00Speaker 03

  You have a.

• 2:15:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have a twin sister.

• 2:15:01Speaker 03

  Two hours later.

• 2:15:02Speaker 01

  Thankfully though, thankfully though.

• 2:15:04Speaker 03

  She doesn't look, she doesn't look anything like me. Is, is it her talking now?

• 2:15:09Speaker 01

  I'll say a funny story about her, funny story about her. She is fifteen minutes late because my mom didn't realise she had twins till when I came out.

• 2:15:19Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:15:19Speaker 01

  Because we didn't have like scans and all that back then.

• 2:15:21Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 2:15:22Speaker 01

  So she thought she just had a baby or whatever. So she goes to give birth and I come out and she goes like, thank God. And then the nurses are like, oh, sorry, bro twist.

• 2:15:33Speaker 03

  There's another one.

• 2:15:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, there is, yeah, another one. But like, the point I was trying to make, my twin sister is, I know a few people, it's my twin sister, my young brother. I have a very good like person in my life called Sharon, who they're very, they're very nice people. You know, people are genuinely nice. And Trevor, because I'm nice.

• 2:15:50Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 2:15:50Speaker 01

  But I know I'm nice. Does that make sense?

• 2:15:53Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 2:15:53Speaker 01

  I'm nice consciously. I go like, there's no reason to be a dick to people. And then the people are just nice. Who, if, so if my sister gives someone money. And they don't bring it back and you go like, okay. And then they come back and then you go like, don't give them money. They go like, but that's what I'm supposed to do. She doesn't think through the act.

• 2:16:12Trevor Noah?

  Mm hmm.

• 2:16:13Speaker 01

  So Trevor is the same way. He he will do things without. Well, other people keep going, so exactly, you know, get me a job. Other people go like, I'm doing you a favor. I'm do I'm changing your life. I'm bringing you to America. Then for me goes like, no, man, whatever happens, this this thing not spoil the thing we have.

• 2:16:28Trevor Noah?

  Very kind.

• 2:16:29Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, like, most people don't know this about you because they read the but.

• 2:16:32Trevor Noah?

  No.

• 2:16:32Speaker 01

  People who know you and I think Eugene, you would agree.

• 2:16:36Speaker 01

  Never keeps score, doesn't even think about it. Hey, Joe, let's go to Qatar. Hey, you, let's go to, hey. And you go like, okay. And then he goes, oh, thank you for and then you go, I should be the first one.

• 2:16:48Trevor Noah?

  No, I said, thank you.

• 2:16:49Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 2:16:50Trevor Noah?

  Did you make this thing? What is this, man? Thank you. All right, we got it, folks. Thank you. For real, man, thank you, Joe.

• 2:16:56Speaker 01

  No, this was a pleasure, bro.

• 2:16:58Trevor Noah?

  Thank you, my man.

• 2:16:59Speaker 01

  This was a pleasure, hmm?

• 2:17:03Trevor Noah?

  Apple Card is designed to support your financial well being. With unlimited daily cash back on every purchase and the ability to track your spending on your iPhone, Apple Card helps you lead a healthier financial life. So you can stress less about money and focus more on enjoying life. You know, it's actually funny. A lot of people ask me, Trevor, what do you think about money or where did you learn about money? And I'll say there are two places where I learned the most about money. Well, three, technically. The first one was my mom. My mom always used to say a very simple thing to me. She would say, do not spend money you do not have, which I know sounds simple, but is a lot more complicated than you think.

• 2:17:49Trevor Noah?

  You know, sometimes you see something, you want to buy it. And then you're like, I can't buy it. Can I afford it? Can I not afford it? And my mom would always just go, do not spend money you do not have. The question is, how do you know when you have the money or when you don't have the money? That's where the second piece of advice came in. I was at a store and I wanted to buy an ice cream, a very expensive ice cream. It had almonds and it was covered in white chocolates. Now, I know some of you are thinking to yourself, how can an ice cream be that expensive? Look, man, at this time of my life, this is one of the most extravagant purchases a person could make. So I didn't know whether I could buy the ice cream or not. And I was with a friend and I said, I don't know if I should buy this ice cream. And he said, here's a piece of advice.

• 2:18:34Trevor Noah?

  If you can buy two of them and not flinch, then buy one. And I was like, damn, changed my whole life. If you can buy two, then buy one. I bought that ice cream.

• 2:18:49Trevor Noah?

  Bought a few of those ice creams.

• 2:18:53Trevor Noah?

  Third piece of advice. The third piece of advice was the advice that my wallet gave me when I opened it and there was nothing inside of it. And my wallet looked up at me and it said, leave money inside me, Trevor. I don't like being hungry. And you're probably thinking wallets don't talk. They do when they're left empty as long as mine was. Don't spend what's not inside your wallet. What's that? Who am I speaking to? Oh, just generally when I talk about money, I like to imagine my financial advisor sitting next to me. It just helps me. It's probably advice I've given myself. Imagine somebody was next to you, giving you advice about your money. How would you act? Cause if there was somebody there, you probably wouldn't do the same thing.

• 2:19:36Trevor Noah?

  So that's my advice is imagine you were with you when you were doing something. Ask yourself what you would do. You find it would be very different. You know what I mean? See? They agree.

• 2:19:50Trevor Noah?

  Did I misrepresent you? No? Okay. Remember, Apple Card is good for your wallet. It's designed to support your financial wellbeing. It's a no fee credit card that lets you track your spending on your iPhone. Plus, you can get unlimited daily cash back on every purchase. Stress less about money and focus more on enjoying life. Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from seventeen point seven four percent to twenty seven point nine nine percent based on credit worthiness. Rates as of November one, twenty twenty five.

• 2:20:31Trevor Noah?

  Existing customers can view their variable APR in the Wallet app or at card.apple.com. Some transactions may not be displayed in maps. Terms and more at applecard.com.

• 2:20:45Trevor Noah?

  What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Day Zero Productions in partnership with Sirius XM. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin and Jess Hackel. Rebecca Chain is our producer. Our development researcher is Marcia Robiu. Music, mixing and mastering by Hannes Brown. Random other stuff by Ryan Parduth. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next week for another episode of What Now.

• 2:21:17Speaker 01

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