How Do I Co-Parent With My Ex?

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Dr. John Delony?

  This is an ad for BetterHelp. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and the stress you keep pushing down is showing up in your relationships and your health. If you need to talk to a licensed therapist, make today the day. Go to betterhelp.com/doloney for 10% off.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  He's always been a very emotional kid and he loved to play sports. He loves to compete, but he gets in these emotional states when he's playing. Something goes wrong, he'll just break down and cry and I'm having a hard time navigating that and knowing what to say to him because I'm kind of old school, I guess.

• 0:44Dr. John Delony?

  What up? What up? This is John, Dr. John Deloney Show. Thanks for being with us. Last night here in Nashville, probably the most influential band of my life, Trippin' Daisy was here. And if you don't know who that is, I pity you. I'm sad for you. In the 90s and early 2000s, there's not a band I listened to more, other than Pantera, but they weren't an influence. They were just kind of an obsession. Trippin' Daisy was a band I followed around. I've watched the shows in different cities across Texas. I tell you what, man, I haven't listened to a couple of their records in years and those

• 1:26Dr. John Delony?

  songs are encoded into my DNA, like in my mitochondria. If you've got young kids, be very careful what you let them listen to because they'll remember every word forever. But man, to the Trippin' Daisy gang, dude, they're still out rockin' and it was awesome. I'm gonna go catch another show or two on their tour. They're so good. And listen, here's the meta here. Put your screens down and go see a live comedy show. Go see a concert. Go bowling with your friends. Get out and go be in the world. I tell you what, man, I slept good last night. I smiled when I woke up this morning. So much better than doom scrolling our lives away. Let's go out to Atlanta, Georgia and talk to Jake. What's up Jake?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  What's up John? How you doing, man?

• 2:11Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good, brother. How are you?

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Doing well.

• 2:14Dr. John Delony?

  So what up?

• 2:15Speaker 01

  So I've got a question about my six-year-old son. He's uh been playing sports since he was about three years old and

• 2:23Dr. John Delony?

  Since he was three?

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, he we kind of start early around here.

• 2:28Dr. John Delony?

  Dang dude, alright, get on it.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  So he's always been a very emotional kid.

• 2:34Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  And he loves to play sports. He loves to compete, especially with his friends.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  But I'm a little concerned because he he like he gets in these emotional states when he's playing. Something goes wrong, he'll just break down and cry. And I'm having a hard time um navigating that and knowing what to say to him because I'm kind of old school, I guess mentality, like just flush it and move on.

• 3:03Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  But his mom is completely opposite and I'm just worried future-wise what that'll do to him.

• 3:11Dr. John Delony?

  Nothing. He's six.

• 3:15Dr. John Delony?

  He's six.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just, yeah.

• 3:17Dr. John Delony?

  I I mean, are are you and mom not aligned on this?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  No, we're not. We're actually, we actually got divorced about a year ago.

• 3:26Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Um, and so that kind of complicates it as well. You know, I'm I'm his coach also, so that brings another wrinkle into it.

• 3:33Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  So, you know, I've got nine other kids that I'm responsible for and I can't really take time out of the game to go address his emotional breakdowns and she'll pull him out of the game and talk to him and then he'll miss in at bat or something.

• 3:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I can't do that. Like, you you've got to be coach. Um, the the uh

• 3:56Dr. John Delony?

  it is this your first kid?

• 3:59Speaker 01

  He's my first, but I've got three.

• 4:01Dr. John Delony?

  Geez, you got, alright, so let's contextualize this for for him for a second.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:08Dr. John Delony?

  His whole world has exploded.

• 4:11Dr. John Delony?

  He's got two siblings that are what, five and younger?

• 4:17Speaker 01

  So his one sister is four and the next is two. So yeah, under five.

• 4:20Dr. John Delony?

  So he's got a divi- like a divided attention, divided parents, divided households. That on top of what may be a genetic predisposition to just really big feelings. I have those.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, that's what I was going to say too, is I'm an emotional guy too, but

• 4:39Dr. John Delony?

  There you go.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  I didn't want it to like, that be my fault. And like, is there something I could do better now that I didn't get, you know, as a child or whatever it was, other than just like, ignore it.

• 4:50Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And, and I would say you and I both grew up in a world which was shove it down and shut up. And

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 4:56Dr. John Delony?

  That made for very angry adults. Fair?

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Yep, exactly.

• 5:01Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. So most men are socialized to get over it. Right?

• 5:06Speaker 01

  Uh, right.

• 5:07Dr. John Delony?

  Let me put it this way. You never hear somebody say, I'm going to go make her a woman.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:12Dr. John Delony?

  Right? Women or girls are allowed to become women.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:16Dr. John Delony?

  Boys have to be made into men.

• 5:20Dr. John Delony?

  Right? As though they have to be disassociated from one thing and created into another thing.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:25Dr. John Delony?

  And I think that's insane. And at the same time, there's characteristics of men that we have to have, right? But all I have to say is this, I don't want to get too distracted there. Your son has big feelings. Awesome. And he at six years old has so much going on in his life on top of his genetics. That he, his little bitty body can't hold them all. Great. Cool. I promise you, he's embarrassed that he cries too.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:55Dr. John Delony?

  And so what I, what I like to tell younger kids is every feeling is okay. Not every response is okay. What do I mean by that?

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:06Dr. John Delony?

  When he's cool and y'all are having breakfast together, which God help you, a six year old kid who's just gone through a divorce, you gotta spend extra plug in time with him.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. I, I go to lunch. His school is two minutes from my work. So I go to lunch with him at least once a week.

• 6:21Dr. John Delony?

  Well, but even, but even that time, which is amazing. I'm glad you're doing that. Um, is divided among his friends, right?

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Actually, no, I pull him aside. We go sit by ourselves.

• 6:31Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, cool.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  So it's just one on one time. It's really great.

• 6:34Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, you're crushing that. Way to go, man.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 6:37Dr. John Delony?

  What I would tell you is, uh, letting him know like, hey, I have big feelings too. And sometimes they get so big and they come out as yelling or mean or angry. And yours come out as tears. It's all good. When that happens, I want you to go sit on the bench or I want you to go give a, like a, give him a thing to do.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:59Dr. John Delony?

  And know that like after the game, you can sit on the, on the drive home. We're never going to talk sports on the drive home. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. I mean, pro coaches say that, pro athletes say that. On the drive home, I'm back to dad and we're just going to chill. Then maybe later in the day, I can say, hey, man, I saw when you struck out, your feelings got real big. Tell me about it.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 7:21Dr. John Delony?

  And all we're doing is we're going to norm the fact he's got big feelings. He will watch you to learn how to grow up and make that transition. Um, and what's a, what's a good way to do that? And I don't want him growing up to be an angry, raged out dad, guy like his dad is.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Right, exactly.

• 7:40Dr. John Delony?

  How you deal with mom?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  At night.

• 7:41Dr. John Delony?

  I, I, I have a no parents in the dugout rule.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Right.

• 7:47Dr. John Delony?

  And good luck with that one, right? She'll, she'll take you to court, right? So I don't.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Exactly. See, that's, that's the, it's hard to navigate that. But last night was like a great example of what you were just talking about. So he was up getting ready for bat. He was on deck and one of the other kids got confused and went ahead of him. And that just kind of wrecked his night. And like for the next five minutes, he was emotional, like couldn't get out of it. Um, and I'm trying to get people back in line to go hit. Well, he finally came back around. We got him to go up to bat and he, you know, laced a single. And so I walked up to first base and I was like, dude, that is great. I am so proud of you for like putting back your emotions for a second and playing the game. Um, and I think that really just like made his day is that I told him I was proud of him for pushing those. I don't even want to say pushing back, but just.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  Be in the moment, play the game and he got a hit and was able to calm himself down a little bit.

• 8:41Dr. John Delony?

  And the language I use is you did the next right thing. You got back in there, right? Um, and again, I want to contextualize this. He is six.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:53Dr. John Delony?

  He's not 24.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:56Dr. John Delony?

  Right? He's not 18. He's six. And so even if he had gotten back up there and struck out and turned into a super like atomic fit or whatever, you can't scream, you can't throw the bats, you can't curse at the ref, right? Like you can go sit down on the bench and compose yourself. That's okay.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:15Dr. John Delony?

  Right. But, and so we're going to do, what's the next right thing here? But man, the fact that he got a hit, cool, great. I mean, that, that was neat for the night. It was a neat like end of a Disney story, right? But

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Right, but it won't always happen.

• 9:27Dr. John Delony?

  No, in fact, more time, baseball's the only sport that you do something three out of 10 times, right? And they call you a Hall of Famer, right? So

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 9:34Dr. John Delony?

  Like, yeah, most of the time he won't get a hit after that. But it's letting him know like, hey, I'm proud of you. Get back in the box. Way to go.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 9:43Dr. John Delony?

  And he'll begin to learn, oh, I have this humongous feeling and then I'm going to go do the next right thing.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:49Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying? So, uh, and, and again, let his mom comfort him. It is what it is, right?

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:56Dr. John Delony?

  I'm not going to go to war with mom in the dugout on, you know what I mean? Especially a year after divorce. I'm not, I'm just not.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Exactly. Yeah. And I'm just trying to, and I don't want to, I guess I've taken the opposite way where I don't want to interfere at all. I don't want to say anything to her at least. I just kind of let it happen and I don't want to, you know, cause any, you know, strife. So I don't think that's the right thing either, but you know, I'm just, it's kind of hard to, you know, deal with all of it going on at once.

• 10:23Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I, I think the, and she's going to have guilt too. She's going to miss her kid. You all split custody?

• 10:29Speaker 01

  No, not yet. Um, hopefully in the future, I guess, you know, with them being super young, it's, we didn't want to have them in different households, you know, every other week. So right now it's just a weekend off, weekend on.

• 10:41Dr. John Delony?

  So do they all three live with her during the week?

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:44Dr. John Delony?

  God almighty dude, how do you breathe, brother?

• 10:47Speaker 01

  It's not easy. Like it's taken me almost a full year to, you know, which I am very close to them. Like we're in the same town. Um, my mom still keeps my youngest, so I go see her as much as I can. I go to the school events, every, pretty much every event that they've got, I try to go to. So I try to make the time and go see him. Um, but it is, it is very tough.

• 11:10Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And it's not even the, uh, the events are cool. It's the bumping each other in the kitchen. It's the attunement, right? It's the ups and the downs of the little tiny little things that happen.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 11:24Dr. John Delony?

  Man, I, I, geez.

• 11:28Dr. John Delony?

  I just don't know how, I don't know how people do it, man. Like 24 hours, 48 hours for my kids and I start getting a little bit like itchy. You know what I mean? Like.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. Trust me. I know.

• 11:38Dr. John Delony?

  Geez.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  But I mean, I kind of brought this on myself, so I can't, you know, can't feel too bad for myself.

• 11:43Dr. John Delony?

  Uh, both can be true. You can blow your marriage up and still feel heartbroken. You don't see your kids. Both of those things are all right.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:51Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I mean? Um, but yeah, it, it, the thing that your kid needs now more than anything is a dad.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 11:58Dr. John Delony?

  Who loves him. And he's gonna have, he's gonna have already have big emotions. He's already gonna be six and not know how to, I mean, not have the physical capacity to hold them. And then you dump two little ones and then you dump a divorce. He, he's just a walking, uh, stick of dynamite dude. And what he needs is an adult who will wade into that, that blast radius

• 12:21Dr. John Delony?

  as a sturdy presence. And I'll sit by you. And then later in the evening, at night or whatever, I'll, I'll sit with you and say, man, tell me about that. That felt like it was big. And go from there. And the more you can, again, he's sick, so you can't do much, but the more you can, over the next five, 10, 15 years, open up to him about, yeah, I had big emotions too, and I had to shove all mine down. Um, I wish I'd been able to cry when I was six. I wasn't allowed to, right? Like the more you can share some of that stuff, um.

• 12:56Dr. John Delony?

  I believe in my guts. The true picture of masculinity is I feel this thing, whatever this thing is, and I go do the next right hard thing. That's it. And it comes from modeling, not from breaking and rebuilding. It just comes from good men modeling. Yeah, I feel real sad right now, and I'm gonna get up and go to work for my family. I feel real scared right now. I'm gonna grab this sword and head into this to defend my neighborhood. Like, I feel this thing, and I'm gonna go do the next right thing. It's not, I don't feel anything, because that's a recipe for pathology. So, thanks for the call, brother. I think you're on the right track, man. You're on the right track.

• 13:36Dr. John Delony?

  Please, all parents of young kids playing sports, they are six, they are 10, they are 14. They're supposed to have huge emotions. They're supposed to be hormonally dysregulated. They're supposed to have big stuff. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. When we come back, a woman asks if she and her boyfriend should elope so they can have sex even though they can't live together yet. I can't wait to hear this one. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Listen, millions of people are experiencing mental and emotional distress right now.

• 14:20Dr. John Delony?

  I'm talking about our friends, our neighbors, I'm talking about you, I'm talking about me. We're communicating with everyone all over the place with our phones, with our laptops, but we're not connecting with anyone. We're more anxious, lonely, and overwhelmed than ever. Listen, talking to someone can help. I have seen a therapist, and having a good therapist makes a huge difference. My wife has seen a therapist, my friends and family, I recommend that they see therapists. It's important when you need someone to talk to. And for you, this is where BetterHelp comes in. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. Their therapists are fully licensed in the United States, and they follow a strict code of conduct.

• 15:02Dr. John Delony?

  You can message your therapist and schedule sessions right in the platform. If it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime at no additional cost. You're worth it. Talk to someone. Go to betterhelp.com/deloney to get 10% off. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash deloney.

• 15:21Dr. John Delony?

  When it comes to supplements, there's one main company that I trust. Thorne. I was first introduced to Thorne by professional athletes over a decade ago. And Thorne continues to be the main supplements that I trust for me and my family. Supplements continue to be an unregulated industry and that means it's flooded with garbage and nonsense. Most companies cut corners and they lie on their labels. You don't know what you're getting. But not Thorne. They make every product at their world-class facility in South Carolina. Thirty-five percent of their employees work in quality control and they reject fifteen percent of the raw materials because good is not good enough for Thorne. It's why pro athletes, Olympic teams, and over 60,000 doctors trust Thorne.

• 16:06Dr. John Delony?

  And it's why I trust them too. Stop guessing what's going into your body. Stop filling your body with nonsensical supplements. Go to thorne.com/you/daloni and get 25% off your entire order when you create an account. That's T-H-O-R-N-E.com/the letter U slash dalloni. Go check them out.

• 16:32Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to the 512, Austin, Texas and talk to Kate. What's up Kate?

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Hi, how are you?

• 16:39Dr. John Delony?

  I'm doing good. How are you?

• 16:41Speaker 02

  I'm great. Thank you for having me.

• 16:43Dr. John Delony?

  You bet. What's up?

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Well, I'll start with my question and I'll kind of work backwards because there's a lot of context and a lot of information. First and foremost, the question is, should my boyfriend and I elope in advance of a wedding or sooner? So that we can have sex sooner?

• 17:08Dr. John Delony?

  I gotta hear more. Tell me more.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Okay, so.

• 17:14Dr. John Delony?

  How old are you?

• 17:16Speaker 02

  I'm 26.

• 17:17Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, all right.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  We've been best friends since we were seventeen. Um, we kind of pseudo dated back, um, at that time. And we were both, we were both big hot messes and just through toxicity and trauma, it exploded. And we've kind of been on and off best friends since then, but have always been really close. He's the only person that's ever known me, well, he's known me better than anybody else. So, um, a couple of years ago, there was a bit of a falling out and we kind of went our separate ways and dated other people.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  I dated somebody that I probably shouldn't have, but got pregnant and was in that relationship for about two years. So I got out of that relationship last year. It's been about a year, but as you probably know, once, once a mom decides to leave, it's been over for much longer emotionally. Um, but I left about a year ago and we started kind of toying and talking about the idea. We got back in contact, were friends again for several months. We kind of started playing with the idea of dating and I had done a ton of counseling while in my other, uh, relationship.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  And a couple of things that kept coming up, once I had already decided that I was going to end it, um, was that despite the fact that, you know, we had always, we had for the most part always been friends. Um, he was the one person that I didn't want to risk a relationship with because he was the one man that I couldn't risk losing. And that was kind of the green light in my head of, oh yeah, you probably should have dated this person.

• 19:14Dr. John Delony?

  What was the big falling out about y'all had a few years ago?

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Um, he, he admitted that he was in love with me and I was not prepared to hear that. And so he got, he felt super rejected by it, went and dated someone from his past that was a bigger hot mess than the two of us put together. And I just said, I, I can't watch this. I, I can't, I can't stand by and watch. This isn't going to go well. And

• 19:48Dr. John Delony?

  Well, he didn't feel rejected. You rejected him. I mean, he may, he may have felt it, but he felt it. It, it wasn't like he was having this out of body experience.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Yes, that is true.

• 20:00Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So, so fast forward.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:05Dr. John Delony?

  How long have y'all been talking?

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Um.

• 20:06Dr. John Delony?

  Two months, three months, six months, a year?

• 20:09Speaker 02

  We've been talking since about October. We have officially been dating since. Yes. Uh, okay. Um, yeah, it was about six months after divorce that we started talking. And then we've been officially dating for a little over three months.

• 20:29Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Please God, don't marry him yet.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:33Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm a super romantic. I like, dude, you're, you're going to be hard pressed to find someone who's more in love with the idea of being in love than me. I love it obsessively so. And

• 20:48Dr. John Delony?

  you all even live in the same town, right?

• 20:51Speaker 02

  No, he lives about two and a half hours away.

• 20:53Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 20:55Dr. John Delony?

  How long do y'all can be in the same town?

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Uh, late fall, so kind of November, December-ish.

• 21:02Dr. John Delony?

  Why so long?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Uh, he has a job in the Houston area that he's, he's getting a new job here in the Austin area, but it's not going to start until then. And he has a lease that isn't up until around that time either.

• 21:20Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. I, forget the, like, you're calling me asking, should y'all get married real quick? Should y'all can have sex? That's a whole other conversation. I would, I would love to hear about that. But the real issue here is, I know y'all have been friends for a long time. Getting married to somebody is different.

• 21:38Dr. John Delony?

  And making sure like not that y'all like each other and not that y'all have had a long-term friendship, but do we want to build a life together, you and me, ride or die?

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:52Dr. John Delony?

  And that to me, again, in my opinion, is best done when we are grinding out life in the same community. We're seeing each other regularly. We're seeing each other annoyed, frustrated, sleepy, tired, excited, happy, and it builds and builds and builds.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:12Dr. John Delony?

  Otherwise, everything else, you're filling in the blanks with whatever story you're making up. And that, those mutual stories being made up, when you finally do get married and move into the same house, it's a collision.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:28Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way, what, it, it, what's holding you back from having just gone to the courthouse?

• 22:34Speaker 02

  So, my ex and I have a morality clause that says that someone can't move in until we've been exclusively dating for six months. That puts us around July. So, the elopement, if it happened, would be around the July, August timeline.

• 22:52Dr. John Delony?

  But y'all aren't even gonna move in until November, right?

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Yes, but so he, right now, comes to Austin every weekend to either spend time with me or spend time with me and my son when he isn't with his dad. And, but he can't, he can't sleep in the house overnight while my son is in the house. So, that would be able to change in the July, August timeline. But I don't want it to confuse my son. Right now, my son knows that he's, he's mama's boyfriend, he's mama's friend. But if he's gonna be spending the night

• 23:31Speaker 02

  around my son, I don't want my son to still have that label on him because I, I want him to be kind of eased into this idea that he will be a part of the family. He's gonna have to start calling him by a different name. He can't keep calling him by his first name. And just trying to help that transition be as healthy as possible.

• 23:54Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. How old's your son?

• 23:56Speaker 02

  He's two.

• 23:57Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, geez. Yeah, I

• 24:03Dr. John Delony?

  I would, I would slow the roll on this one. I, I guess I just don't know what the rush is.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 24:09Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, you, you're gonna do what you want, and that's cool. Um, wha- wha- tell me about the sex. Do you have like a value that you don't wanna sleep with anybody unless you're married to them now?

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:19Dr. John Delony?

  Or does he have that? Does he have that?

• 24:22Speaker 02

  We're, we're both, we're both Christians.

• 24:24Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  And we would ideally not be intimate until marriage. There have been slip-ups, but we're trying to hold to that as best we can, um, until we're actually married.

• 24:40Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  But I also don't think it's a super smart idea for him to be spending, coming and spending weekends, you know, starting in July, August, when he can. And, I mean, he has his own room in my house and his own bed, so we don't share a bed or anything like that. But I, it just still doesn't seem like the wisest to have that temptation looming.

• 25:05Dr. John Delony?

  You, can I, okay, you, you know, like, I'm like a nice guy, right? Is that fair?

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:12Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So can I just be super honest? It's gonna sound mean, but I'm not trying to be mean.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Go for it.

• 25:18Dr. John Delony?

  I feel like I'm talking to a parent of you and a high school version of you and a 25-year-old version of you, all in the same person.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  That's very valid.

• 25:34Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so I wanna peel away all of these layers. And here's what I never wanna cash in on. Here's what my values are. And because you have a kid, value number one, above and beyond romantic relationships, finding somebody, trying to romance back like a decade-old friendship, all that. Number one value is, what kind of world do I want to create with my son?

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:01Dr. John Delony?

  I, I say, like, when people get married, I tell them, like, you have a secret world. The kids don't even go in that secret world. It's you and, you and your spouse, ride or die, death do you part, it's all there, right? Right now, you don't have that. Your secret world is with a two-year-old little boy.

• 26:17Dr. John Delony?

  And that's it. And so you ask yourself, by yourself, what do I want him to experience?

• 26:26Dr. John Delony?

  And I don't think it's you're doing all of this theater so that you don't tempt yourself, right? That's my job for my high school kid and my 10 year old, like my job is to do these things. But for you, you're like, well, we got his own room. We got it. You're a 26 year old, single mom, working a full time job in Austin. Like, you know, you get what I'm saying? I want you to be an adult, like a grown up. And grown up, number one value is how do I take care of this kid? Value number two is how do I navigate a relationship I might want to pursue for the rest of my life? And those are separate things. I, I have fully 1,000% agree with you.

• 27:08Dr. John Delony?

  The confusion your little two year old will have if there's this guy that dips in and out every other weekend that just, yeah, totally get that. And I think, I think you, I think you feel that and you're right. The second thing is, is if you're, if you're serious about you and your, and your boyfriend get to fast forward some things because y'all have known each other a long, long time. But I'd start going to pre marital counseling and see, is this a guy I want to not just be friends with, not be close to? I have several 30, 40 year friendships with, with girls who are now grown women that would not have been good match for me to get married to. Mm hmm. Right?

• 27:50Dr. John Delony?

  That I've known for year, for decades longer than I've known my wife. I've known him forever. And, um, maybe not decades, but at least decade and a half longer than I've known my own wife, but they would not have been good people for me to build a world with. No. Right? And so if you're, if you're interested in that, then when he comes to Austin or you go visit him in Houston, y'all, uh, go see a pre marriage counselor and y'all get into the deeper things. Do we, are we aligned on values? How are we going to do conflict? How are we going to do, how are we going to do communication? What do we want our faith values to look like lived out? Like, get into some of those things so come July or come August or come November, when

• 28:32Dr. John Delony?

  he packs up and moves across the state to come see, come live by you. Now y'all are, now y'all are in. You get what I'm saying? But having like a pseudo secret marriage where you got this guy coming and going, it, it will never be real until November and then come November even, it's going to, I mean, jeez Louise, that's what a mess, right?

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, so we do have two rounds of premarital counseling lined up with two different couples. He's got a mentor and I've got a mentor and both of them and their spouses are licensed for premarital counseling, so they're both gonna handle that. Um, my mentor lives in Houston where I'm actually from and her and her husband have also started mentoring him. He has dinner with them every other week for a couple of hours. So we've got a lot of really great older people in our corner that are kind of mentoring both

• 29:32Speaker 02

  of us and um, helping guide us and navigate, you know, me being a single mom, him being a future stepdad and whatnot.

• 29:42Dr. John Delony?

  It's awesome. And yeah, blending that because he's also gonna be in a relationship with this other guy for the rest of y'all's time together.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:49Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so navigating all that's hard and it's messy, but it's a hundred percent doable. You just have to be intentional about it. Can I ask you one personal, personal question?

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:59Dr. John Delony?

  And you're like, I called you about sex. I'm like, I got even more personal question than that.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Go for it.

• 30:04Dr. John Delony?

  Um,

• 30:06Dr. John Delony?

  how much of your current situation is you looking up, the smoke is cleared, you're six months out of a bad marriage, you got, you're a single mom? How much of this is you're lonely?

• 30:22Speaker 02

  I don't, I really don't think that that's it, if I'm being totally honest. Um, I, it was about three months before I left my ex that I felt like my head came out of that postpartum haze and I woke up and I was just like, not doing this for the rest of my life and I left.

• 30:41Dr. John Delony?

  Was that guy abusive? Was he unsafe? Why'd you leave him?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Not, not physically abusive, just very, very uh, manipulative, extremely controlling, um, verbally abusive, just a lot of mental mind games, just constant mind games. And I, I came to realize that he hated who I was in my core and he hated my personality. And I either had to choose if I wanted to like myself or I wanted him to like me because both couldn't be true.

• 31:19Dr. John Delony?

  Hmm. Okay.

• 31:22Dr. John Delony?

  So papers are officially filed. That thing is officially done and over?

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:27Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, alright. Yeah, I guess what I would tell you is you're gonna look up when you're 70. And hopefully you're married to this guy. I really hope, I mean, I'm like rooting for you guys big time.

• 31:41Dr. John Delony?

  But if you, if you're married to this guy till you're 70, or 80, or 90, let's say 90, that just sounds more fun. 90, looking back, you'll have been married 60 years if you wait till you're 30.

• 31:54Dr. John Delony?

  And looking on a horizon like that, six more months is nothing.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 32:02Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 32:04Dr. John Delony?

  It's just, it's nothing. And so, no, I, I wouldn't go marry somebody trying to skirt a, a legal document that I signed just so I could sleep with him.

• 32:16Dr. John Delony?

  And I wouldn't ping pong back and forth with the new romantic partner in the house of my two-year-old who's still babbling about, learning to talk and shim sham and go back and forth between me and some controlling, unsafe, emotionally abusive ex of mine. Like, that's a lot of transition. I would get core things first. Core thing, number one, make sure my kid is in a stable place. Make sure our relationship is rock solid. Number two, make sure, not just that I have a history with this guy, and that I like this guy, and that a light bulb came on in therapy. No, no, no. That won't get you through the daily grind that is, dude, why when you floss, there's always flex on the mirror?

• 33:00Dr. John Delony?

  And why do you do the dishes like this when I do them like that? And why do you put your underwear there? Like, that kind of stuff grinds a marriage down. Right? So I want y'all to get involved in those conversations. And dude, then in a few months, it's a few months. But Houston to Austin, dude, I made that trip a thousand times in my childhood. Like, or my younger years, not my childhood, but in my younger years, like, y'all are dating, y'all are seeing each other, it's great, it's awesome, cool. Um, I just wouldn't rush this process. But you do whatever you want, because you're a grown up. And part of me thinks you'll be married by the end of this phone call, but also... If, how about this, if y'all get married in November, Kelly will send you a signed autograph

• 33:43Dr. John Delony?

  picture of her that y'all can frame and put on your mirror, not on your mirror, that's too weird, but on your fridge, because that'll be awesome. Thanks for the call, sister. We come back, a man asks if he's crazy for feeling insecure that his girlfriend has close guy friends. We'll be right back.

• 34:02Dr. John Delony?

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• 34:44Dr. John Delony?

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• 35:13Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Tampa, Florida and talk to Justin. What up, Justin?

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Hey, Dr. John, super honored to be speaking with you today.

• 35:20Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I'm honored to be talking to you, homie. What's up?

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Thanks, man. Yeah, so I have somewhat of a, am I the problem for you, just for having an issue with my girlfriend's close guy friends?

• 35:33Dr. John Delony?

  Ooh, how long have y'all been dating?

• 35:36Speaker 03

  We've been dating for about four to five months.

• 35:38Dr. John Delony?

  How old are you?

• 35:40Speaker 03

  I'm 34.

• 35:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, how old is she?

• 35:44Speaker 03

  She's 24.

• 35:46Dr. John Delony?

  Nice.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  So a little bit of an age gap.

• 35:50Dr. John Delony?

  Just a cool decade. All right.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:53Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so tell me about what you're experiencing.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, I mean,

• 35:58Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, hold on. By the way, I said nice, and I think I sounded creepy when I said that. I didn't mean that like in a, oh, yeah, bro, like, high five. I was saying nice, like, kind of making fun of you. Okay, so, back to it. There we go.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  There's a little bit of stuff that we've experienced, for sure.

• 36:13Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, no, I was super making fun of you. I wasn't like, high fiving. Okay, okay, so, go for it.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, so, a little bit of backstory. Um, my, I was previously married. Um, my, my ex-wife left in 2024, um, after revealing she had been in an affair with one of my best friends.

• 36:31Dr. John Delony?

  God, dude, I'm sorry.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it was, uh, it was a tough season, for sure. Um, and so, this is really, like, my first kind of serious relationship since then. Um, kind of took some time, but, um, and so, as we were, as we've kind of just been dating, um, she's fully aware of, of my, of my situation. Um, she's never been married. Um, but, uh, so she is fully aware of the situation and all, and everything that I have gone through. Um, so she's been, like, open and honest, um, the entire time about these close friends, um, that she has. Um, these are friends that live, like, out of state, that, uh, no romantic history with them or anything.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  And, um, so they'll, like, but they'll call on occasion and just, like, catch up. And, um, so, uh, there, there's, there's a little bit of stuff in me, I guess I feel that I've just, I just kind of struggle a little bit with the concept of, of her being, um, you know, just continually catching up with these two guy friends. Um, and so, yeah, that's, that's the, kind of the basis of my question.

• 37:40Dr. John Delony?

  So, I, I've got friends like that, that are women that I catch up with.

• 37:47Dr. John Delony?

  And so, that on its face, I don't, I mean, I don't think it's weird even a little bit. The, what I, what I'm, want to honor you with is something in your guts tell you, tells you something's a, a- awry. And it could be you got cheated on and it was right under your nose and with a close friend and your wife and now your radar is really sensitive and if that's the case, dude, I honor that. You should honor that. You got, you got set on fire by two people who are really close to you.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:19Dr. John Delony?

  Your radar should be pretty attuned, right? And the person you're with who's gonna potentially spend the rest of her life with you should be honorable, should honor your radar like that.

• 38:32Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:34Dr. John Delony?

  The other side of it is, you may be having this like, like, no, dude, I'm the problem here. Like, I'm, my radar is overly attuned to the point that it's irrational.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. I think for me, it is kind of, it is kind of that way in the sense of like, you know, this was, this was a guy that I, this affair partner was a guy that I trusted and like, really, really close. And so I knew him and like, these guys I don't really know. So it's hard for me to know their intentions. And that's the biggest thing is like, I feel just.

• 39:14Dr. John Delony?

  And listen, hold on, even if you knew them, you won't know their intentions. So trying to figure those intentions out is a waste of time.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 39:22Dr. John Delony?

  Like, let that ride. Like, A, you probably know their intentions and B, like, I, I, I'm not gonna spend one second of energy on that because I don't know. I thought I knew my best friend on the planet's intentions and he cheated on me with my wife. Right? So I, I'm not gonna get in somebody's head about their intentions. And you can't go through the rest of your life not trusting people.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:49Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so you're gonna have to wade through that fire, your body going, don't trust. Remember last time? And you have to say,

• 39:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:56Dr. John Delony?

  I have to get through this tension and get to the other side of it. And begin to learn to practice trusting people again because I can't go through my whole life isolated and alone. What, what does she say when you bring it up?

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Um, she, you know, she honors that as well. Um, she is, I mean, she has said that these are um, long time, close friends and that, um, you know, that it, there's not been any romantic interest, um, and that they weren't guys that she, she, she has said that she has high standards. And so with one that like validates me that I could fit those high standards, but to like, um, just, I do feel like I trust her when she says that. And, and also like she has given me like complete access to her phone and like, which is totally new territory for me. Um, where in past relationship, um, it was like so guarded over that. And so, um,

• 40:52Speaker 03

  it, it, but it, but it's also, she's kind of held her ground too, to say like, she doesn't, these are, these are lifelong friendships that she wants to continue to have. Um, and I don't want to be like the controlling boyfriend that's like, stop talking to all men. Um, so just how like, just, I guess some advice on how to navigate some of that.

• 41:13Dr. John Delony?

  So I, I, here's what I hear and tell me if I'm wrong. I hear you saying, no, I trust her. And I don't think she's nefarious. In fact, she's gone already shown more willingness to be open and, and vulnerable and like, put all of everything on the table than even your wife was. And so I hear you saying, I think the, the issue is in me.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Right.

• 41:37Dr. John Delony?

  And if that's the case, then it's simply coming up with a practice of intentionality. Like, God, this word is so beat down on the internets, but it's a mindful practice of when I feel my chest starting to tighten, or I feel it, because here's what you don't want. You don't want to say, yeah, you can talk to those guys. I just don't ever want to hear about it. Cause then you're asking your girlfriend, maybe your future wife to begin keeping secrets. And that's a recipe for disaster. And so the other side of it is you don't want her having to check in with you every time.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Right.

• 42:09Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so,

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:11Dr. John Delony?

  Um, it's you realizing, oh, I just, I'm feeling a kind of a way about this. And it can be as little as I, for me, it used to be, I put, I've, I've talked about this on the show. I used to put my fist in my chest. That was just a quick little reminder for me. Like, dude, you're good. Um, now it's all the way down to I scratch my thumb with my forefinger. And it's just like a small little, dude, you're good.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:36Dr. John Delony?

  And you could prob- people could probably go back and mine my shows and see when I've done it on this show, right? Like, it's just a small little physical reminder to me that, oh, my body's trying to protect me. I'm good. I'm good.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:49Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 42:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. Some- and some of that has been me navigating as well, where I've had suspicion in the past, but for the sake of like, keeping the peace, like not said anything, and so, uh, and not been true to myself. So, just wanting to like, feel my feelings and honor my feelings, but also not let my feelings like, control and, and, and run my, my actions.

• 43:15Dr. John Delony?

  So, my, my buddy, Jefferson Fisher, has a great, a great response here. Uh, and he's the one who taught me this, and I love it. Let your first response be a breath.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 43:27Dr. John Delony?

  So, whenever I'm feeling like, I saw that phone just buzz, I bet it's those gut- whoo.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:36Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And that gives you a pause before I say anything, before I text anything. Is this real?

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:45Dr. John Delony?

  And I, I, it's such a fine line between,

• 43:54Dr. John Delony?

  I feel like something bad is going on, like you probably felt with your friend and your wife, and I'm not gonna say anything, I just wanna keep the peace, I want everything to be cool. And the other, the other extreme is, I'm just gonna be me, bro. That's just the way- cuz sometimes people who are just being them are their asses, right? They're irrational, right?

• 44:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:14Dr. John Delony?

  And so, it's being able to be in the middle there, and say, I'm not gonna keep the peace, this is actually a big deal, and so, I'm gonna set up a time, and I wanna have this conversation. Or, the other side of it is, like, I have this feeling, this isn't real. It's all good. It's just my body trying to protect me from things that it's experienced before. Good for you, good on you, body, but I got this.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:38Dr. John Delony?

  And, here's the scary thing for you.

• 44:42Dr. John Delony?

  If you want this relationship with her to work long-term, is she somebody you're thinking serious about? Or, I mean, y'all have only been dating four or five months, but do you already see like, man, I, I, she could be somebody I want to spend a lot, the rest of my life with?

• 44:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 44:56Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  It's, uh, yeah.

• 44:58Dr. John Delony?

  You're going to, this sounds harsh. You're gonna have to put yourself in a position where she could hurt you as bad as your wife did.

• 45:07Dr. John Delony?

  You're gonna have to get in the boat and put both feet in the boat.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:12Dr. John Delony?

  And that's a scary, that should feel terrifying to you, because you've done that once and it, and it got you burned bad.

• 45:21Dr. John Delony?

  But if you try to hedge it, all right, I'll get in this boat, but I'm, I'm keeping one foot out just in case. The relationship will, I mean, it's like, y'all are both canoeing, but you got a foot, I mean, you're both paddling a canoe, but you got one foot in the water, it's just gonna turn in circles. You're never gonna get anywhere.

• 45:37Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 45:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:39Dr. John Delony?

  But dude, like, on its face, if you have a girlfriend that's 24, and she's got 10 year old friendships with guys that she met in middle school, and they're scattered across the country, I don't, I've been married for 24 years, I would have zero, and when I say zero, I would have less than zero issue with my wife catching up with old friends. Not even a tiny bit. And I, she doesn't have any issue, like, I do that, too.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:04Dr. John Delony?

  And so, that, having friendships like that, especially like checking in, how we doing, all that kind of stuff, that's great. Nightly text messages, I love you, miss you, like, now we're getting into some, into some not safe territory.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 46:20Dr. John Delony?

  But I think it's a matter of you, and let's, let's, let's play this out. Let's say this relationship doesn't become your new forever relationship, okay? You practicing feeling a big feeling, pausing, and then considering with intentionality, what's the next right move for me?

• 46:42Dr. John Delony?

  Will pay dividends at your job, in your next relationship, if you ever have kids, it will be masterful.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:50Dr. John Delony?

  I told a previous caller, that to me is the highest form of masculinity. I have a huge feeling, it's a big, what's the next right thing to do?

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:04Dr. John Delony?

  And sometimes the next right thing to do is, like I said, to grab a sword and head off into the middle of danger on behalf of everybody, right? Men go first and men die first. That's the way that rolls. And sometimes it's, whoo, that's a big feeling. I'm gonna sit here and be rooted and peaceful.

• 47:24Dr. John Delony?

  Right? I'm gonna be the person everybody can anchor to.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:28Dr. John Delony?

  And that's the thing you gotta practice.

• 47:32Dr. John Delony?

  Can I just tell you, I hate that your wife and your best friend did that to you.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Hmm, yeah, thanks.

• 47:38Dr. John Delony?

  Have you fully grieved that, that they blew up your nervous system?

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have. I've, I've seen, um, some specialists and was able to go to, um, but, you know, an intensive therapy counseling thing.

• 47:52Dr. John Delony?

  Cool.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  So I, I definitely feel, and, and I wouldn't even allow myself to be in a serious relationship considering the next steps, um, if I hadn't grieved that.

• 48:01Dr. John Delony?

  So, that's good.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Um, and I feel that I've gotten tools to help kind of, again, not ignore my feelings, but also, uh, not let them run, run me as well.

• 48:13Dr. John Delony?

  Done.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  And so kind of leading, kind of leading there.

• 48:15Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome. Awesome. There is a world where you can be really happy that your girlfriend has close friends.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  Well, and playing that out too, like if this isn't forever for both of us, like the last thing I would want is for her to not have friends anymore either because some boyfriend ruined it. But also like, uh, yeah, I, I wanna honor, you know, her, her friends and, and, and stuff. So just more or less like making sure that I'm not like ruining something for her either.

• 48:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. The fact that you just said that as articulate as you did tells me you're way on the path to being well.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 48:58Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I mean, feel the feelings of jealousy, they're normal and they're right and they're whatever, and then go do the next right thing, whatever that happens to be. And my guts tells me that you're, my guts, my gut tells me that your gut knows the difference between, I don't like this, like, I wish she wasn't talking to a guy right now, which, eh, fine, versus, I think something shady's going on. And when something shady's going on, commit, I will never squash that voice again. I did that and it cost me my marriage and it cost me my best friend. Actually, they, their actions cost it, but I'll never squash that again. And I'm gonna be happy, my wife's got friends she can reach out to.

• 49:43Dr. John Delony?

  It's awesome. And by the way, Jessica, I've been doing this for a minute, don't read the comments on this, on this call, because everyone's gonna have a bunch of opinions. You have an open dialogue with your girlfriend and man, I'd be, I'm rooting for y'all like nobody else is. We'll be right back.

• 50:01Dr. John Delony?

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• 50:46Dr. John Delony?

  Go to helixsleep.com/deloney and get 27% off site-wide during their Memorial Day Sale. That's 27% off at helixsleep.com/deloney. And listen, this is only for my audience. With Helix, better sleep starts right now.

• 51:06Dr. John Delony?

  All right, we're back, Kelly. Am I the problem?

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Yes, 100% you are.

• 51:10Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all, listen, this show would be 5X bigger than it is right now if Kelly would not edit out the things that we talk about off air.

• 51:18Speaker 04

  Also, we would have no jobs.

• 51:21Dr. John Delony?

  I know, but for like two weeks, the show would go to the moon and then it would have a hard crash landing. But listen, I just have so many opinions on things.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  Yes, you do. And I do too. And I think that our opinions are matched on a lot of things, but we're not gonna discuss it now.

• 51:42Dr. John Delony?

  You edit them out of the show. All right, that's fair.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 51:44Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you for employment, continual employment.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  All right. We have it. Am I the problem?

• 51:50Dr. John Delony?

  Right now, you are the problem, but go ahead.

• 51:52Speaker 04

  It's from Nicole in Columbus, Ohio.

• 51:54Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 51:55Speaker 04

  And Nicole writes, "I had the idea to do a weekend trip for Mother's Day with just me, my husband, and my kids. I thought it would be a nice change because we normally run from one family gathering to the next and it can be tiring. I brought this up to my mom and she was disappointed. I also mentioned it to my mother-in-law and she seemed downright angry. I let them know that I planned on meeting up on a different day with both of them to give gifts, but on the actual day, we would be gone. Is it selfish of me to want to do something a little different and that I thought would be very enjoyable for Mother's Day with my family?"

• 52:30Speaker 04

  Do you want me just to answer it and be done?

• 52:32Dr. John Delony?

  Just...

• 52:37Dr. John Delony?

  Why?

• 52:38Speaker 04

  She did everything right. She...

• 52:40Dr. John Delony?

  She's 100% right.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, she had the conversations beforehand, will make plans.

• 52:45Dr. John Delony?

  Why can't aging parents be disappointed and not take that disappointment and just smash their kids in the face with it? Why can't they think to themselves, "Ah, it's Mother's Day. I would love to have lunch with my son and his wife and our grandkid." But how awesome is it that my son has taken his wife out to celebrate her for Mother's Day? Why? Why is that so hard? I do not... I'm so frustrated is not the right word. I'm heartbroken for the state of our culture with how many people cut off aging parents

• 53:27Dr. John Delony?

  and how many aging parents cut off their young adult kids.

• 53:34Dr. John Delony?

  And also, when crap like this happens, I get it. Like, who would not want their kid celebrating his young wife on Mother's Day? When they have like an infant? That's, that's the thing. That's awesome. But to make it about like, what about me? Ah, especially when they set up like, hey, we're gonna celebrate you guys. I just wanna do something special.

• 54:01Dr. John Delony?

  For all husbands out there, you know what she did? High-fived her. Not only she's not the problem, she's the gangster. That's a, that's a high bar for me. Listen, she told her sweet young husband what she wanted for Mother's Day. That's the win. That's so awesome. She gave him a roadmap and he's trying to follow it. And both parents are like, no, I, ah, okay.

• 54:30Dr. John Delony?

  I'm done. What do you think, Kelly?

• 54:34Speaker 04

  I think we both agree, she is definitely not the problem here.

• 54:37Dr. John Delony?

  You just talked, you know what you just did to me? You just talked to me in the mom's and ex's voice. You know, like when moms are screaming at their kids, they're like, shut up! I can't sit. And the phone rings, they're like, shut up! Hello? Hey! You just did that to me. You just did it.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  Yes, I did. I've tried to counteract all the energy right now.

• 54:56Dr. John Delony?

  I just...

• 54:59Speaker 04

  But you're 100% right. And I think she did exactly what, what she should have. She had a conversation ahead of time. So, this email came in, for those that don't know, because this show comes out after Mother's Day. It's right now, April 28th. We still have two weeks until Mother's Day. And she sent this in, um, about a week ago. So, three weeks prior, at least, she spoke to them. Here's the plan. Here's what we're doing. We will celebrate you on a different day.

• 55:28Speaker 04

  And they both got mad.

• 55:30Dr. John Delony?

  They threw adult temper tantrums. And I get it, be disappointed. I'm trying to put myself like if I lived in the same town as my son and it's Father's Day and he has a wife and a young kid. And he calls and says, hey dad, for Father's Day, we're gonna do something as a small family this, uh, for Father's Day and you and I are gonna go do X, Y, or Z. I would immediately be like, oh, man, I wanna hang out with you on Father's Day. And then, uh, cause I'm a grown up, not about all things. I still think butthole jokes are funny, but like on most things. And diarrhea jokes, the best, the best.

• 56:07Speaker 04

  So not most things, some things.

• 56:08Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way, we need to have another conversation. You can edit this out. Do you know what a pelvic floor is? Just found out about those. Didn't know that was a thing. I did know it was a thing. I just didn't, anyway. Listen, I think those things are hilarious. But I would be an adult and be like, yes, how awesome is that my son and his wife and his young little kid are hanging out. Anyway, that's all I'm gonna say about that. No, you're not the problem. You have achieved gangster status, young mom. What's her name?

• 56:41Speaker 04

  Nicole, and she's in Columbus, Ohio, and she's awesome.

• 56:43Dr. John Delony?

  Nicole, we honor you here on this show. And God help your poor little husband if he doesn't follow the roadmap you've so kindly given him. He will though, cause he's awesome too. Love you guys, bye.