Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w/ Joel Kim Booster

Joel Kim Booster (Wondery’s Bad Dates and Bravo’s Love Hotel) joins Laci to dive into all of your scams and stories, CON-gregation! First, Joel shares his own heartbreaking story of being caught shoplifting. Then, they dive into letters revealing an Ocean’s Eleven-level grocery store checkout scam (also… stop locking everything up, grocery stores!!!), how to dupe the public transit system with a screenshot, a boss becoming someone's “John,” and a text-ual relationship that was sketchy as hell. Stay schemin’! Be sure to check out Joel hosting Bravo's Love Hotel out now! on BRAVO! Keep the scams coming and snitch on your shady friends by emailing us at [email protected]. CON-gregation, catch Laci's TV Show Scam Goddess, now on Freeform and Hulu! Follow on Instagram: Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod Laci Mosley: @divalaci Joel Kim Booster: @ihatejoelkim Confession Stories by the CONgregation Curated By Jessica Cisneros

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  That sound? That's pro squash. Some of the fastest rallies in sport played inches from the crowd. The National Squash League is back in full swing for season four. The sport is heading to the 2028 Olympics for the first time, and you can see it up close right now in a city near you. Watch every match for free on YouTube. Search National Squash League and hit subscribe or follow live updates on Instagram at NSL.Sport.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Cash flow crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds up to $200,000 right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair.

• 1:57Speaker 03

  This is an advertisement for Zolair paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  Underdog already has team picks, player props, money lines, spreads, you name it, they got it. But apparently, somebody over there said, you know what's missing? Screaming like a maniac about a rookie card on your couch. And we love them for that. Because Underdog now has rips. You get a digital pack, starting at just five bucks. You check the live odds, see which grails you could pull, then rip it open to reveal a real, physical card. And the grails are no joke. They have cards up to $125,000 in value, and plenty to pull. From football and basketball to Pokémon, with new limited edition packs dropping regularly. Even cooler, you can decide to keep the card, and Underdog will ship it straight to your home. Or sell it back instantly at 100% of its fair market value.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  And the cash goes right in your account. No listing it online, no stranger lowballing you in the messages. Just rip, reveal, and cash out instantly. Or make some room on your shelf. Download Underdog and get in on the chase. Get five free rips packs when you deposit $5. Real rips, real cards, real cash. Only on Underdog. Unleash your dog. 18+, terms apply. Top grails are extremely rare.

• 3:28Laci Mosley?

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, a.k.a. Scam Goddess. The podcast's all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. I don't know, we'll see along the way. Congregation, if you are an OG member, please stand up out of your pews and recite with me. I am very what? Yes, excited. A scam, alright? Said like a man. Yes, you already hear that beautiful laugh, so you know I'm excited for today's guest. We have an actor, comedian, producer, and writer, and the homie on the show. He's the host of the new reality dating show, Bravo's Love Hotel, which premiered on April 27th, 2025. So y'all can get out there and get some of that Bravo love hotel.

• 4:10Laci Mosley?

  Your eyeballs right now. You may also know him from his other shows. Okay, come on. Hit TV shows, excuse me. Looped on Apple TV, which was renewed for season three. Okay, honey, that's what we're talking about. Get them seasons. He's also the host of a podcast called Bad Dates. And is riding high from Fire Island, which won GLAD Media Awards and earned him two Emmy nominations. If you haven't seen Fire Island, y'all know I love that movie. I literally was a foot soldier for that movie. Congregation, please welcome the talented Joel Kim Booster to the show.

• 4:40Speaker 06

  Oh, my God, what an intro. This is incredible. We gotta get you on Bad Dates, because I know you've got some stories.

• 4:47Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yes.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  I know you have some stories.

• 4:49Laci Mosley?

  Sadly, recently.

• 4:52Speaker 06

  There's trauma there. There's trauma there. I can tell.

• 4:54Laci Mosley?

  We do. We turn it, we spin it.

• 4:56Speaker 06

  Exactly. Monetize it. Monetize the trauma.

• 5:00Laci Mosley?

  Do you ever, are you ever in like a weird situation where you're like, damn, I'm gonna get some good content out of this?

• 5:04Speaker 06

  All the time. The amount, like, stand-up brain has broken me in such a way where I will stay in a situation much longer than I need to, just because I'm like, well, I gotta see how this turns out. You know, like, I, like, it is so crazy, like, bad hookups, bad, like, social interaction, like, anything, like, I literally have had such terrible hookups, but they're so wild and funny that I'm like, well, somebody's coming, you know, like, and then this, I will be dining out on this story for a good, long while.

• 5:39Laci Mosley?

  I can attest to that, because on Monet Exchanges show, you did share a hookup story that was so outlandish. All of us were like, gooped and gagged and gasped. We were like, sir, sir. As it continued. I'm the same way. I'm that way with people, but I'm also that way with scams. Like, if I feel like something is a scam, now I'm in it. Now we both in it, and I wanna know.

• 5:57Speaker 06

  You're responding to the robo-text messages.

• 5:59Laci Mosley?

  Yes, when I get the robo that's like, hey, Tom.

• 6:01Speaker 06

  You're having those conversations.

• 6:03Laci Mosley?

  Today, I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is Tom's phone. What time are we golfing? I wanna know. What's the endgame?

• 6:09Speaker 06

  I love golf. I love golf. What are you gonna give me in exchange?

• 6:13Laci Mosley?

  Where are we meeting up? Like, I'm so, I wanna know what the endgame is.

• 6:16Speaker 06

  I know. There's nothing more fun than fucking with those people.

• 6:19Laci Mosley?

  Not at all.

• 6:19Speaker 06

  It's great.

• 6:20Laci Mosley?

  Waste my time like I don't waste yours.

• 6:22Speaker 06

  It's like some person in another country who barely speaks English who does not understand a bit. You know, like they don't.

• 6:27Laci Mosley?

  The end game of that when I haven't figured it out yet and everyone keeps asking.

• 6:30Speaker 06

  You know what?

• 6:31Laci Mosley?

  Why do people keep texting me saying hi?

• 6:33Speaker 06

  Well, because there are old people who fall for it. There are people, it would, they wouldn't, it would not happen if people did not fall for it.

• 6:40Laci Mosley?

  Well, I say hi back, like I try to engage in conversation with these people and then they stop talking to me.

• 6:45Speaker 06

  Well, that's what they want at first until you get, start getting weird. Like, once I start getting weird, where I'm like, oh, I just, I bet you have the deepest voice, like, can you send me a voice note? Like, you know?

• 6:59Laci Mosley?

  See, you taking it there. I'm trying to be on the ride. You like show feet.

• 7:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly. That'll shut them up real quick, yeah.

• 7:07Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, then they gonna leave me all red. I'm like, I'm trying to play along, like, yeah, like, who's Tom? That's not me, but like, I would, I love golf. Like, I wanna, come on, help me.

• 7:14Speaker 06

  You know what I wanna know the end game of is there is an epidemic, especially in WeHo, of like phones getting stolen, like, like every weekend I have a friend whose phone got stolen. My phone has been stolen three times, except I now have this case that makes it look like an Android. And boy, do people not wanna steal my phone now.

• 7:33Laci Mosley?

  Oh, that's the new scam, y'all.

• 7:35Speaker 06

  Pro tip, they think it's an Android, they say, no, thank you. And the thing is, the, the thing is, is that it's all, a lot of them are, it's like a, a ring of women. And it's perfect because you go to WeHo, you go to these gay bars, you're invisible to us, you know? Like, we're, no one's paying attention to the girls. They're all trying to get laid. And I saw one get caught at, by security and I walked by her and she had one of those big sling purses inside. I kid you not, over a dozen iPhones in that bag. And my thing is, is it's not easy to just restart a cell, a cellphone and then, and then resell it. I wanna know the pipeline from those girls to then who they report to, to then what happens to that iPhone?

• 8:17Speaker 06

  Because one time my iPhone got stolen and I turned on like Find My iPhone or whatever. And a week later, it woke up in Beijing. And I'm like, how did it get stolen in Mexico and woke up in Beijing? Like, it is like, what is the process? Like, I'm actually fascinated.

• 8:33Laci Mosley?

  Your iPhone went on vacation.

• 8:34Speaker 06

  I want to meet one of these girls and be like, I'm not gonna like, call you, call the cops or anything. You're not gonna get in trouble. I just want to know, like, step by step, what happens to these phones? Like, I'll give you a phone.

• 8:45Laci Mosley?

  I feel like that's a pretty simple process, right? You're like, one phone just for the iPhone. I feel like it's a pretty, like, a pretty simple process. It's like, we take the phone, and then we give it to someone who obviously knows how to jailbreak the phone. Wipe it, and then we go resell it.

• 8:58Speaker 06

  But it's not that, it's not as easy as it used to be. It used to be really easy to jailbreak a phone, but the, the technology, like, the, the advances in the phones, it's not as easy, it's not as simple as just jailbreaking it and then wiping it and then selling it. Like, there's, there's other things that they have to be doing in order to get the phone ready to be reused.

• 9:16Laci Mosley?

  See, I feel like with technology, there's always someone, there's always a scammer who finds a loophole. There's somebody out there who's like, 1001512.

• 9:23Speaker 06

  Innovators in STEM.

• 9:25Laci Mosley?

  You know, like, yes, we got scammers in STEM. Scammers in STEM, okay?

• 9:29Speaker 06

  I love it.

• 9:30Laci Mosley?

  But, that's, it's so interesting to me, because you held up your phone, and like, obviously the audience can't see, but just when we put this out, can we get a photo of like, what his phone case looks like? So Joel has like, a square phone case.

• 9:40Speaker 06

  Just a square.

• 9:41Laci Mosley?

  And y'all know the Android loves like, a rectangular type situation. They love an angle. They want the phone to be sharp. You can hit a bitch in the head with it like, pow.

• 9:47Speaker 06

  Like, I'll be talking to somebody who's fucked out of their mind, and I'll be like, oh, let's exchange like, Instagrams, and I'll hand them my phone, and they'll be like, oh baby, I don't know how to use Android. And I'm like, are your eyes crossed?

• 9:57Laci Mosley?

  The shape.

• 9:57Speaker 06

  You're cut off. This is an iPhone, babe. Like, you know how to use this.

• 10:01Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, but these things, they're okay. You know what I mean? They saw a shape.

• 10:04Speaker 06

  I didn't want to say it.

• 10:05Laci Mosley?

  We're lucky that they could see a shape.

• 10:06Speaker 06

  I didn't want to say it.

• 10:07Laci Mosley?

  We're lucky that they recognized the shape, okay? They're like, bitch, is this a rambus? Oh no, I don't know how to use that.

• 10:14Laci Mosley?

  Okay, but that's really smart. I might have to invest in one of those sharp cases.

• 10:17Speaker 06

  And they're cute, too.

• 10:18Laci Mosley?

  Because that's like, really the only distinction between the iPhone and other phones. iPhones tries to keep the cases, like, the, uh, edges all smooth.

• 10:24Speaker 06

  That's square, or they're smooth edge.

• 10:25Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they're like a smooth. But then the Android's like, yeah, we want an aggressive square.

• 10:29Speaker 06

  Now, isn't it an effective case for protecting my phone? Am I going to the Apple Store after this to get a brand new phone? It's cracked to hell, but you know, safety first, you know?

• 10:39Laci Mosley?

  Get it now before those prices go up. That was great. What's your relationship with scams? But I still do want to ask you the question because it's been a minute.

• 10:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and I think we talked about this a little bit last time, like, uh, we're millennials and we are the scam generation. Because we've had to, like, nothing has come super easy for us, other than if you have rich parents, whatever and whatnot. You know, but like, from the time I was seventeen years old, out on my own, not taking a dime from my parents, I scammed my way through adulthood, because there is just no other way to do it, like. And it's like, simple things, like, you know, like, does shoplifting count as a scam? A little bit, you know, like, you know, it is.

• 11:19Laci Mosley?

  I mean, it falls under the umbrella. We just say robbery.

• 11:21Speaker 06

  If you're, if you're trying to convince someone, like, my scam was, is the classic, self-checkout.

• 11:30Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yes.

• 11:30Speaker 06

  And then, you're not scanning everything, baby.

• 11:33Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 11:34Speaker 06

  And like, I don't do this anymore. I don't need to do this anymore.

• 11:36Laci Mosley?

  Me boo, do boo. It's not about, it's about the principle.

• 11:40Speaker 06

  But you know that-

• 11:40Laci Mosley?

  If I work here, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my wages.

• 11:43Speaker 06

  Exactly. Well, and you know, the one time I was arrested for shoplifting was when I was in college, I had no health insurance. I was deathly ill, and I shoplifted cold medicine. And I got caught, and it's not on my record or anything anymore, like, it was my first offense, whatever. But like, the fact that I was so sick and had no other options, but, and, and so poor, that I couldn't afford the cough medicine, I think, you know what, I did something wrong, but it's an indictment on this country, you know?

• 12:15Laci Mosley?

  I don't know if it's wrong. It's like, you needed medicine, and if the country wasn't busy robbing us all blind, you would have that.

• 12:21Speaker 06

  Like, there's no reason, in one of the richest countries in the world, a nineteen-year-old with bronchitis has to go into a CVS and try and shoplift cooled medicine. Like, it's just, like, that shouldn't have been the option for me.

• 12:36Laci Mosley?

  Right. And this is not like you're getting like a meth lab amount of like Sudafed. You're getting something that you need. Now, I'm not, see, I, I was with you on the scamminess, but that one, to me, isn't a scam. That was necessity, and we completely understand.

• 12:48Speaker 06

  Sometimes scams are, you know?

• 12:50Laci Mosley?

  A lot of times they are.

• 12:51Speaker 06

  We got it, you know?

• 12:52Laci Mosley?

  You know, there's certain people who it's like, you don't really have to be in fraud, like, babes, your family has money, like, why are you doing this? You just love it for the art of the game.

• 12:59Speaker 06

  Winona, she just wanted to feel something, you know?

• 13:02Laci Mosley?

  No, she was getting in the car, smoking that cigarette all hard with the shaky hand like.

• 13:07Speaker 06

  But you know, it's so funny because I think like millennials, like we are the hustle generation and we are the scam generation. And I think those two things intertwine a lot of the time. Like we have, like we have been for the time, since the time we were in our twenties, hitting the pavement, scamming, doing, taking every job, doing everything we can. And it's not, it's not necessarily a scam, but like those, that desperation and that need because everything got so much harder the minute we turned 21. Like it's just like, sometimes those things intersect and are, and like the scam can be a little bit of a hustle and the hustle can be a little bit of a scam. And it's just a fact of life for us now.

• 13:46Laci Mosley?

  I agree. I mean, like, and then there's like a thin line between a hustle and a scheme. Hustle and scheme are cousins.

• 13:52Speaker 06

  Scheme.

• 13:53Laci Mosley?

  Okay, they're first cousins.

• 13:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:55Laci Mosley?

  They love to hang out together.

• 13:56Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 13:57Laci Mosley?

  And you know, a hustle and a scheme are right there.

• 13:59Speaker 06

  Not blood related though. They're, they're the kind of cousins where it's like, that's my cousin. That's my cousin.

• 14:04Laci Mosley?

  See, I feel like they are first cousins. I feel like they are blood related on their mama's side. Cause don't nobody know their daddy family. Don't nobody know you play with their daddy cousins. But on your mama's side, that's your, that's a real cousin.

• 14:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:17Laci Mosley?

  I feel like they're, they're, they're a little closer than that.

• 14:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:20Laci Mosley?

  You know, you might be running a hustle and then it turns into a scheme.

• 14:23Speaker 06

  And you see all the social.

• 14:24Laci Mosley?

  You might have a scheme and then it blends into a hustle.

• 14:25Speaker 06

  Scheme, speaking of schemes and hustles, like you see, speaking again of like the way our generation has developed and like tried to make it is like, you see some of these influencers on Instagram or Tik Tok or whatnot, like selling their wares, selling their, selling their, selling their vegan protein, like meal plan. Meanwhile, they are juiced to hell. They are on steroids, but they are selling themselves as like this fitness guru who only eats pea protein and tofu. And you, if you only eat pea protein and tofu, you can look like me. And it's like, that's a scam and a scheme, you know?

• 15:02Laci Mosley?

  That's a scam and a scheme. Just like Goop.

• 15:04Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 15:05Laci Mosley?

  Goop got the girls got. But now Goop is like going under. Apparently, there's a shift in the market right now. I've been reading about this. That wellness is now kind of being chucked out of the window. Because you know, for a minute, celebrities were all selling their creams, you know, and their drops.

• 15:18Speaker 06

  Well, who the fuck can afford those creams?

• 15:20Laci Mosley?

  Exactly.

• 15:21Speaker 06

  Who the fuck can afford those creams?

• 15:22Laci Mosley?

  We know your Botox lady. We know your Juvederm lady. That's OK. I get some of those things myself. But I'm not out here being like, ooh, I rub this cream on and then bam.

• 15:31Speaker 06

  And the fact is, is like, her customer base is like narrowing, narrowing, narrowing. Because it's like, there's so much going on.

• 15:38Laci Mosley?

  She's 60% off on some website right now.

• 15:41Speaker 06

  Everyone is struggling. It's like, I don't have the money for a jade egg to shove up my pussy right now.

• 15:45Laci Mosley?

  I don't need a $5,000 sauna in my house.

• 15:47Speaker 06

  I need to put food on the table, you know? And the jade egg is not going to cut it.

• 15:51Laci Mosley?

  No. Scams.

• 15:57Speaker 00

  That sound? That's pro squash. Some of the fastest rallies in sport played inches from the crowd. The National Squash League is back in full swing for season four. The sport is heading to the 2028 Olympics for the first time. And you can see it up close right now in a city near you. Watch every match for free on YouTube. Search National Squash League and hit subscribe or follow live updates on Instagram at NSL.Sport.

• 16:24Speaker 07

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 16:54Speaker 08

  Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast. A show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.

• 17:09Speaker 09

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant. So I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic. In a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

• 17:20Speaker 08

  And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.

• 17:25Speaker 10

  One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.

• 17:31Speaker 08

  So join us and hear their stories and more. Because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At The Table, the food allergy podcast, on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At The Table and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today.

• 17:54Laci Mosley?

  All right, so we're gonna get into our next segment here. This is normally historic Hoodwings, but y'all, I told you, we're taking the tariffs off the bonus episodes, okay?

• 18:05Laci Mosley?

  Okay? We're taking them off.

• 18:06Speaker 06

  So generous.

• 18:07Laci Mosley?

  We take them off. Yeah, so if you don't know, Stitcher Premium is a now-defunct platform. Yeah, it's been gone for quite some time, yeah. And but when it was a thing, because the show is now old as Methuselah, we would have bonus episodes for Stitcher Premium listeners, where we'd read your listener letters. And all of those episodes are gone. I don't know where they are. But lucky for me, because I'm a scammer, I keep receipts, so I still have the letters. So we are releasing them from behind the scammy vaults.

• 18:38Speaker 06

  Love.

• 18:39Laci Mosley?

  Yes, and so Joel is going to be here to give us names and opinions all throughout this episode. So if you're an OG listener, something sounds a little familiar. Look at you, knowing the lore, the lore, the lore.

• 18:53Speaker 06

  Somebody was subscribed to Stitcher Premium.

• 18:55Laci Mosley?

  Right, those three of y'all who were subscribed to Stitcher Premium. Okay, y'all getting a reboot. But everybody else is something new. But also, you know, Joel is a new person, so we don't even know what he's going to have to say. And I'm a new person now, too. I've changed.

• 19:09Speaker 06

  You've changed.

• 19:10Laci Mosley?

  It's been almost six years.

• 19:12Speaker 06

  The body, the body and the hair? The volume?

• 19:14Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, the hair. The hair has really changed me. It's full of secrets and lies. All right, but as always, email your scams, snitch on your friends, your family, and your enemies. It's [email protected]. Just make sure the scam is retired, because we don't want a what? Yes, fuck up your bag. And let's try a fun bag we can get into. So Joel, um, are you ready to send our confessional boots today?

• 19:35Speaker 06

  Yes, let's do this.

• 19:36Laci Mosley?

  Confessions?

• 19:37Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 19:38Laci Mosley?

  So I need a fake name for this person.

• 19:41Speaker 06

  Okay, fake name for this person.

• 19:42Laci Mosley?

  We don't care about that in here, so it could literally be anything.

• 19:44Speaker 06

  We're gonna call them Moses.

• 19:47Laci Mosley?

  Moses.

• 19:48Speaker 06

  It's gonna be a biblical theme today, I think, Old Testament.

• 19:51Laci Mosley?

  I love a theme.

• 19:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:52Laci Mosley?

  I love a theme.

• 19:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:53Laci Mosley?

  Yes, very good. So, I, Moses, worked at a locally owned grocery store at sixteen as my second job. I am now in my thirties. My first was at fourteen delivering newspapers, which meant-

• 20:07Speaker 06

  Get your bag.

• 20:08Laci Mosley?

  Right?

• 20:08Speaker 06

  Look at that, starting early, I love that.

• 20:10Laci Mosley?

  I don't know how you do that. I had a stepdaddy one time, he was very brief. Um, it was kinda like a chem case situation. Um, but I had a stepdaddy and he-

• 20:18Speaker 06

  He had a huge eyes?

• 20:19Laci Mosley?

  I think he did. Uh, Mr. Tim, Mrs. He didn't make a fart, but Mr. Tim would deliver newspapers and sometimes, I don't know why the fuck I had to be in it, but you know, I'm like four or five, like in the back of the car while they throwing out newspapers like with Mr. Tim, no.

• 20:34Speaker 06

  Baby, that's your job.

• 20:34Laci Mosley?

  Ooh. I know, I should've been in my bed. Who gonna come get me? Y'all lock the door. So Moses says that they were waking up at 4 a.m. to get paid ten dollars an hour. And that Moses had to pay for his own rubber bands to deliver papers for two hours. A scam, I tell you, says Moses. Yeah, I don't know why you gotta pay for the rubber bands.

• 20:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, but he's getting scammed right now.

• 20:55Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'm sorry, y'all would've got like naked ass papers then, okay? We raw dogging the news today, I'm not getting rubber bands.

• 21:01Speaker 06

  The print media is not doing well. They cannot even afford fucking rubber bands right now.

• 21:07Laci Mosley?

  Like, this had to be a little back in the day, cause are people still getting newspapers to their doors? I don't think they do that no more.

• 21:12Speaker 06

  I do, I get the LA Times.

• 21:13Laci Mosley?

  It comes to your door?

• 21:14Speaker 06

  It does, I like it because I, I don't like looking at my phone for that kinda stuff. And it is, it does. Now, do I read it page to page, cover to cover?

• 21:22Laci Mosley?

  Hmm?

• 21:23Speaker 06

  Absolutely not.

• 21:24Laci Mosley?

  Oh, come on, Joel, you gotta flex one time and just have a paper out in public. You know, content would be just like a-

• 21:31Speaker 06

  On the 101.

• 21:32Laci Mosley?

  Shaking it out.

• 21:32Speaker 06

  Fully driving with a newspaper in front of me, yeah.

• 21:35Laci Mosley?

  You gotta shake it out, make a lot of noise, get all the attention. I feel like that in like a hipster coffee shop, just like, oh, what a nice little impromptu photo shoot. I would come and take pictures, like, unironically, if you're reading a newspaper in like a very country coffee shop. Um, I'm like, oh, caught in the act.

• 21:52Laci Mosley?

  I didn't even know you could physically touch news anymore.

• 21:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:54Laci Mosley?

  I didn't know they put it on paper. It's wonderful.

• 21:57Speaker 06

  It's still there.

• 21:58Laci Mosley?

  So, that's a scam, though. You shouldn't have bought the rubber bands. Everybody would've just got a floppy ass paper.

• 22:02Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 22:03Laci Mosley?

  So, anyway, the grocery store was acquired by a big chain on the east coast while I was there. Because remember, Moses did the newspaper thing when they were, yeah, like, you know, fourteen. And then sixteen, they had the grocery store. New ownership meant changes in the store. We got a fancy new touchscreen register. I was a bit of a scammer and petty thief at this point. So I realized pretty quickly that you can set the register to training mode and essentially look like you're cashing someone out but not actually charging them. Not to know a POS.

• 22:34Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 22:36Laci Mosley?

  That's a real scammer right there. You found the window, real quick.

• 22:38Speaker 06

  This person is a hero.

• 22:40Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 22:41Speaker 06

  This person is a hero. This person is Robin Hood. This is a victimless crime. I don't give a shit about the conglomerate grocery store.

• 22:48Laci Mosley?

  Do you know how much food they throw away?

• 22:49Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 22:52Laci Mosley?

  This is, this is just us helping with waste. So, realizing this, Moses said, "I told my mom, and she was immediately on board to scam and steal groceries from the store."

• 23:01Speaker 06

  Yes, mommy!

• 23:02Laci Mosley?

  While I worked there. "Come on, mama." See, mama said, "I know who I raised. I know I raised a scammer." Okay, listen, look at you making your mama proud. I love that that was your first phone call, too. Our grocery heist. She'd pile up a cart full of shit we would never buy because we were broke, then get into line. As soon as she was up, starting to check out, I would switch my register to training mode. She'd pretend to use the card machine, and I would print her a fake receipt and send her on her way.

• 23:27Speaker 06

  Yes, Ocean's Eleven. I fucking love this. And here's the fucking thing. I know that grocery store was not paying that boy a living wage. There's no way.

• 23:36Laci Mosley?

  Moses says, "I had a few motives here. I don't care about stealing from corporations at all, and happily look the other way when I see others doing it, and even encourage it." Okay.

• 23:45Speaker 06

  Yes, ma'am.

• 23:46Laci Mosley?

  Let my people go. Get them groceries. There were hard times for my family and I was thrilled to be eating free crab legs for dinner at home. And at 16 years old, my sense of risk had not yet developed and I figured I'd have a good lie if I got caught. Yes, you would. Keep like, I'm, I'm just a girl, honey.

• 24:00Speaker 06

  I was just training. I didn't know. I didn't know the buzz.

• 24:03Laci Mosley?

  What went that I hit? I can't breathe.

• 24:04Speaker 06

  You didn't train me well enough.

• 24:06Laci Mosley?

  So, on the scale of scams, where would you rate this? Do you think this is kind of good, kind of bad, kind of indifferent?

• 24:11Speaker 06

  Definitely good.

• 24:12Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I would say good. I would say good.

• 24:14Speaker 06

  And the thing that pisses me off about stuff like this is like you see this with like Walgreens or whatever, or whenever there's like people, they're like, well, it's the employee shoplifting and that's why we have to raise prices and that's why I have to close stores. And it's like, hey, baby, why don't your CEO take a billion dollar pay cut? And then you won't have to close all these fucking stores. And none of this fucking shoplifting is making a dent in your bottom line. Stop lying to us, you fucking idiot.

• 24:37Laci Mosley?

  And you have insurance. Like, can we start being for real about shrink? Which is what corporations call it when people steal, like shrink of the merchandise. Let's just be for real. Y'all have insurance. Also, I'm tired of going into stores and everything is locked up. Why do I have to call an attendant to get some orange juice? What do you mean? The orange juice bandit?

• 24:55Speaker 06

  The way I will press that button to get my deodorant and then walk around the block and have a meal and then come back and they still haven't come to unlock the deodorant yet. I have to like, I literally, it's so insane. I bring a book. I'm like, I'm gonna be here for a while because this deodorant is not gonna get locked up.

• 25:12Laci Mosley?

  And they're so cheap as hell. Okay, at least if you're gonna have us over here like we in prison, can you at least have one person whose whole job, the whole shift is just to unlock shift? Why, why is that person also stocking up boxes and shit and then they gotta stop and then come over with the key? You're gonna unlock her. You're supposed to be the man just running around here with the key.

• 25:28Speaker 06

  Can we talk about how nefarious it is that, like, okay, I get it. Electronics, lock it up. The La Mer, lock it up, sure. But the fact that you want to keep people from getting deodorant, soap, like, like hygiene items, like, that's just, hey, you hate poor people.

• 25:43Laci Mosley?

  And why they're most stolen is like their necessity? Maybe we should look at why they're being stolen. But I mean, look, that's a whole, like, we, we know where we at. The ghetto.

• 25:52Speaker 06

  Welcome to scam goddess church.

• 25:54Laci Mosley?

  Amen, amen. I will say this last thing though. This is a shout out to the pavilions on Melrose in Los Angeles. I don't know why when I go through self-checkout, y'all got these self-checkout like thugs now, okay?

• 26:06Speaker 06

  Oh, they're watching.

• 26:07Laci Mosley?

  Like, no, but here's the thing. Okay, you're watching, boop, boop, boop, boop, I'm scam items, whatever. Like, that's not my issue. I'll pay for shit. That's not my issue. My issue is, is that I know in California, if you don't bring your little, you know, hemp bags from home, that you get charged 10 cents per bag. Personally, I work at the store if I'm going through self-checkout. So when they ask me how many bags, I always say zero. Tell me why now they don't even put the bags next to the self-checkout anymore? You gotta click how many bags you want, and then the fucking bag sergeant comes over and literally like licks her finger and pulls out the exact amount of plastic bags that you ordered and paid for. That is some bullshit. We should all be able to steal bags, Los Angeles.

• 26:48Speaker 06

  Can I, can I give a, a, a little scam, a grocery store scam, that I think is, um, that I've been using for years, which is you hit up the hot bar first. As you're shopping, you eat everything you put in that box from the hot bar, and by the time you check out, you've had a meal, and there ain't nothing to pay for.

• 27:08Speaker 06

  Try it at home, kids.

• 27:10Laci Mosley?

  You know, in the early 2000s, they used to just pop a few grapes in the mouth. Now, now we're taking a whole hot bar meal.

• 27:15Speaker 06

  You put the egg rolls, you put the chicken masala, you, you, everything, baby. And you, by the time you're done shopping, you're done with that box, you throw it out, nobody needs to be the wiser.

• 27:27Laci Mosley?

  Listen, we gotta get creative out here. Times are weird. Let's get to our next con fashion drill. I need a fake name for this person.

• 27:36Speaker 06

  Uh, we're gonna call this person Rebecca.

• 27:38Laci Mosley?

  Rebecca. So Rebecca says, hey, Lacey, y'all better give me a good scammer name, and I will cry if I hear my scam. I hope you like Rebecca.

• 27:47Speaker 06

  I hope you like Rebecca. Rebecca with the good hair.

• 27:52Laci Mosley?

  Rebecca with the good hair is great. Okay, Rebecca, I think you should be satisfied. So I just started a new job in the downtown area of my big city. I know you say make sure the scam is retired, but this was too good not to tell you. Anyways, I'm a young, single mother, and a couple of dollars here and there adds up, honey.

• 28:07Speaker 06

  Ain't that the truth?

• 28:08Laci Mosley?

  Yes, it does. Also, the traffic downtown is crazy to get out after work, and my job does not reimburse parking. And it can get up to 16 dollars a day, so I've decided it's best to take the bus. So yeah, job not reversed in parking. Like, how do you expect me to get here, babes? Like, what do you want me to do?

• 28:25Speaker 06

  I hope you, I hope you're okay with me being late because I had to take three buses to get here.

• 28:30Laci Mosley?

  Like, now I'm paying to go to where? I mean, yeah, we pay for gas, but like, gas plus parking?

• 28:34Speaker 06

  Gas plus parking, and now I, and now I have to sit on a bus and be racially attacked because every time I've ever been on an LA city bus, there have been, there's been a racial incident. And I, and, and that is an extra, that's added labor to this woman's job that she does not need. I don't even know if she's a person of color, but like, any-

• 28:54Laci Mosley?

  Not the microaggression mobile?

• 28:56Speaker 06

  Literally, and you don't even have to be a person of color. On the bus, you will experience horrors unlike horrors you've never known. This is, I'm speaking specifically of LA, though. I will, I will say, the buses in New York, the buses in Chicago, brilliant. Love.

• 29:09Laci Mosley?

  Those are commuter cities.

• 29:10Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 29:11Laci Mosley?

  People who are commuting in LA, it's like much different than like normal commuter cities, because this is a car city.

• 29:16Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 29:16Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I've never been on a bus in LA.

• 29:18Speaker 06

  Wait, can I talk about a scam really quick?

• 29:20Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, sure.

• 29:20Speaker 06

  My favorite party scam to talk about. Did you know that in the, in the 1940s and 50s, LA had the most state-of-the-art public transit system in the world? People would come from all over the world to study our public transit system. It was state-of-the-art. It was like the future. We were heading in a great direction. And then a conglomerate that owned tires, oil, and cars bought it all up, and they said, "We'll keep it open, we'll improve it." And then they immediately shut it all fucking down because they wanted to make LA the very first urban car city. And boy, did it work. And boy, does it fucking suck. Because can you imagine if LA's public transit system was able to evolve over the last 60 years?

• 29:59Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my gosh, we would look like China.

• 30:01Speaker 06

  Like, New York goodbye. New York who? New York who? Like, we, like, literally, we would be one of the greatest cities in the world, and instead, I'm stuck in fucking traffic trying to get downtown to the Ikea. Like, it's-

• 30:13Laci Mosley?

  That makes so much sense, because I often wonder how, like, older buildings here, like, don't have parking. And I'm like, "Did y'all, who paved this city? Rabbits? Like, why?"

• 30:21Speaker 06

  Look it up after we get off, because it looked cool. It looked like Jetsons sort of style futurism, and it obviously would have evolved and looked different. But like, there were like gondolas going up into the hills to take people up, taking people up into the hills. Yeah, it's crazy. And talk about a scam. This, this conglomerate being like, "Oh, we'll keep it open."

• 30:40Laci Mosley?

  Of course not. I mean, I've watched enough Succession, we know it's a hostile takeover. And bought it so they could shut it down. That shit ain't right. I watch Common Side Effects. Y'all can't fool me.

• 30:53Laci Mosley?

  Okay, if you haven't watched the show, it's good. It's a cartoon on HBO.

• 30:55Speaker 06

  It really is. It really is.

• 30:56Laci Mosley?

  Great show. It's, I love it. So, um, this is a scam already, Rebecca, that you have to take the bus because you can't take your car. So Rebecca says our city's public transportation system is absolutely garbage. We can relate, but they recently allowed riders to purchase bus passes through the mobile app. What they haven't done is upgrade the ticket collector system. So there's nowhere to scan the purchased bus pass. And the driver just flags you down, which I mean, they get paid regardless. So why should they care? I know that's right. Mind your damn business. More people need to do that. Okay? I literally just saw some, something blow up on the internet about some lady at H and M who wouldn't let two black girls shop there. And I'm like, girl, you don't own H and M.

• 31:34Speaker 06

  No, this is my, this is-

• 31:35Laci Mosley?

  Or that man at Walmart who was trying to fight the other man at self-checkout who worked at Walmart. Like, you don't own Wally Mart. You don't own Wally World.

• 31:41Speaker 06

  This is always my issue. I'm like, you owe these people nothing.

• 31:44Laci Mosley?

  Nothing.

• 31:44Speaker 06

  They are paying you nothing.

• 31:46Laci Mosley?

  Dust.

• 31:46Speaker 06

  You owe them nothing. Why do you care so much?

• 31:50Laci Mosley?

  This is where I implore my kind of dark theory, but it's really worked for me in so many aspects of my life. And it's, um, when there's something that I don't want to do or it doesn't feel like it applies to me or whatever, you know? I think like, what would they do if I was dead? You know, so if I go to a job and if I die the next day, they gonna have another bitch in my chair. You know, like, why, why would I, you know?

• 32:12Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 32:13Laci Mosley?

  I'm not gonna do anything. Cause what would I, what would I, I'm gonna do what I would do if I was dead.

• 32:16Speaker 06

  You are a number.

• 32:17Laci Mosley?

  People ask me for money, I'd be like, hmm, but what if I was dead? Where would they get that money from? And that's when I'm like, they would figure it out. So I'mma pretend I'm dead.

• 32:25Speaker 06

  That is such, that is such a brilliant framing device to look at things.

• 32:29Laci Mosley?

  Pressure coming from other-

• 32:31Speaker 06

  If you are the grocery store clerk, think about it for a second. If you were dead, do you think that company would mourn? Do you think that company would say-

• 32:40Laci Mosley?

  You think they gonna put some flowers on your register and to put it at half mast?

• 32:43Speaker 06

  We can't make it without Rebecca.

• 32:44Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 32:44Speaker 06

  Rebecca is too important. We need Rebecca. No, they ain't thinking that. They're gonna drag in some other Rebecca and, and hope and pray-

• 32:54Laci Mosley?

  Before the funeral too.

• 32:55Speaker 06

  That she doesn't figure out the training mode.

• 32:57Laci Mosley?

  You don't show up for your shift, right?

• 33:00Laci Mosley?

  Right, to figure out exactly.

• 33:01Speaker 06

  No.

• 33:02Laci Mosley?

  So what if I was it? So, long story short, Rebecca says, "I've reused the first bus pass I ever bought by taking a screenshot of it on my phone, and nobody has ever questioned it. I've saved almost a hundred dollars in bus fare so far, and I hope to keep it up."

• 33:15Speaker 06

  Girl, keep going.

• 33:16Laci Mosley?

  Keep going.

• 33:17Speaker 06

  I am literally at the sidelines of like the Olympics, the like 100 meter dash going,

• 33:23Laci Mosley?

  I'm handing out orange slices and water. Keep going, you can do it.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  I want that number up. I want that number at the end of the year. I want you to be able to pay for a fucking Switch 2 that's gonna be a $900,000 now because of the tariffs. I want you to put all that money so that you can buy something nice for yourself, because that is what you deserve. Literally, unless they're gonna improve the bus system, the public transportation system, I ain't paying for shit.

• 33:50Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 33:51Speaker 06

  Okay, cuz already my tax dollars are going for that shit, and already, they ain't doing shit about it.

• 33:56Laci Mosley?

  Nope, and I hate when things go up in price but not up in quality.

• 33:59Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 34:00Laci Mosley?

  What are we doing? Nothing looks new, nothing looks nice. Where, why?

• 34:04Speaker 06

  Every time Netflix goes up, I'm like, "Oh, so you're gonna give me another B-tier German dating show that I can't even..." Like, why am I paying for this?

• 34:15Laci Mosley?

  And you're gonna pay for it.

• 34:16Speaker 06

  And I'll watch it, but like I...

• 34:20Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'll be there.

• 34:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:22Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'm there.

• 34:23Speaker 06

  Subtitles on, not on my phone. I will be watching the drama on Love is Blind, Ukraine, you know, like I want...

• 34:30Laci Mosley?

  Not Love is Blind, Ukraine, no.

• 34:35Laci Mosley?

  Oh, launches. Bubba B.

• 35:09Speaker 07

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans, up to $400,000, help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 35:39Speaker 08

  Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.

• 35:53Speaker 09

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic, in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

• 36:04Speaker 08

  And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.

• 36:09Speaker 10

  One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.

• 36:15Speaker 08

  So join us and hear their stories and more, because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat, it's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast, on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeartRadio app today.

• 36:37Laci Mosley?

  And from... Okay, I need another fake name, Joel.

• 36:42Speaker 06

  Um, this one, I'm gonna go Atticus.

• 36:45Laci Mosley?

  Atticus? Now, is Atticus in the Bible?

• 36:48Speaker 06

  No.

• 36:48Laci Mosley?

  Okay, okay. Because I was like, I think it's a Rebecca in there, so we were still...

• 36:53Speaker 06

  No, there's definitely a Rebecca in there.

• 36:55Laci Mosley?

  Atticus. You know, you never know. Who has fully read the Bible? Like, fully read it?

• 37:01Speaker 06

  Cover to cover, babe. Cover to cover.

• 37:03Laci Mosley?

  Cover to cover. In the beginning. Oh, that's my favorite part. What can I do?

• 37:07Speaker 06

  In the beginning, the word was with God and the word was God, and I could get going, but I won't.

• 37:12Laci Mosley?

  And I love that you can. That's a flex. So Atticus says, "In the past, I've worked at several tech startups in the tech startup capital of the world." So I'm gonna guess you're near Cupertino?

• 37:24Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 37:25Laci Mosley?

  You know, for the longest, I did not know why the iPhone said Cupertino. If you don't know, if you're a dummy out there like me, it's because that's where the Apple head

• 37:33Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 37:34Laci Mosley?

  Headquarters are. That's the headquarters location. It's always like, what the fuck Cupertino out here? What the fuck is Cupertino? Yeah, that's the Apple headquarters. And now you can pretend you knew all along if you didn't know, okay? Because I didn't, okay? So, probably near Cupertino. I under- Atticus says, "I understand the vitality of this field and like, stunting like a bad bitch." So, I've always had a side hustle or two while working full-time.

• 37:59Speaker 06

  Oh geez.

• 38:00Laci Mosley?

  One of my lo- I love that it's like, stunting like a bad bitch. I feel like in San Francisco, that's like, wearing like, a $5,000 white t-shirt that only a certain people know is $5,000.

• 38:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:09Laci Mosley?

  By like, the embroidery stitching, you have to get very close.

• 38:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's leasing a Tesla.

• 38:14Laci Mosley?

  I love quiet, loud luxury. It's like, if you're rich, you know how expensive it is, but everybody else doesn't. It's like, you're still flexing, bro.

• 38:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:22Laci Mosley?

  And I love that for you. And you know, now Mark Zuckerberg, he dresses like-

• 38:25Speaker 06

  Mark Zuckerberg?

• 38:26Laci Mosley?

  Mark Zuckerberg.

• 38:27Speaker 06

  Mark Zuckerberg?

• 38:27Laci Mosley?

  Marco Zuckerberg?

• 38:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:29Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, Marco Zuckerberg. Now he'd be dressing like he like, Lil Dicky.

• 38:33Speaker 06

  Oh my god.

• 38:34Laci Mosley?

  He look like a Lil Dicky rich cuz.

• 38:36Speaker 06

  Get out of those ASOS basics, you dumb motherfucker.

• 38:39Laci Mosley?

  No, those are- he's in expensive clothes and now he got a little curly, he got a perm.

• 38:43Speaker 06

  They're made to look like ASOS basics, but they are $600 a t-shirt.

• 38:47Laci Mosley?

  Literally. And, you know, he got a chain now. I don't know what's going on. He having a crisis. He looks better than he did. That bald haircut was terrifying.

• 38:55Speaker 06

  Sure, on the outside.

• 38:56Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, no, no, come on, on the inside. Yeah, like, let's get this photo of Lil Dicky here.

• 39:02Speaker 06

  Oh my god.

• 39:04Laci Mosley?

  They call him golden delicious.

• 39:07Speaker 06

  Oh, that man. That man damaged one time by rejection from a woman, and now he has ruined our entire lives.

• 39:15Laci Mosley?

  And listen, I mean, I can't disagree with his philosophy, because I talk about on the show that if you're a hater, you should get a hater job.

• 39:22Speaker 06

  No.

• 39:23Laci Mosley?

  And I want to shout out in San Francisco, shout out to the young lady who came up to me. And at the time, you were working at a shroom store. I don't know if you still work there, but those shrooms were great. Thank you so much. Um, but also, she told me, she was like, you know, you really inspired me. You said the thing about- Hater jobs like I I I love the pocket watch and now I'm in school to become a CPA.

• 39:42Speaker 06

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 39:44Laci Mosley?

  I know that's right. You gotta channel that haterration into something positive.

• 39:48Speaker 06

  And I mean.

• 39:49Laci Mosley?

  And now he he did the evil villain route.

• 39:51Speaker 06

  You gotta give it up. You gotta give it up. In terms of hater jobs, he took it to the next level.

• 39:55Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:55Speaker 06

  He said, I hate this woman. I'm going to destroy the world. I will burn the world to the ground because this brunette rejected me.

• 40:03Laci Mosley?

  Literally. At first it just started, I'm gonna make an app so we can raid her in college. And then it just took off from there. If only we knew.

• 40:10Speaker 06

  I support you, Atticus. I support you.

• 40:13Laci Mosley?

  I support you, Atticus. So, you know, be a bad bitch, Atticus. So one of my longest hustles was working as a sexy masseuse, AKA rub and tug.

• 40:21Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 40:22Laci Mosley?

  I'll spare the details to protect my fellow sex workers, but let's just say some of us made upwards of 30K a month. Anywho, I don't know, that's.

• 40:30Speaker 06

  Listen, listen.

• 40:31Laci Mosley?

  And if you're out there judging, some of y'all out here fucking for free.

• 40:33Speaker 06

  I know a gentleman on OnlyFans.

• 40:35Laci Mosley?

  And I love.

• 40:36Speaker 06

  Who farts on cakes and makes six figures a month. I'm not joking you. I am not joking you, bitch.

• 40:41Laci Mosley?

  Farting on cakes?

• 40:42Speaker 06

  Farting on cakes, all kinds of cakes, birthday cakes, wedding cakes.

• 40:47Laci Mosley?

  Why didn't I think of that? You get you some ice cream roll, you can fart all day.

• 40:51Speaker 06

  No, and it's like not even sexual. It's just his ass, but it's just like, yeah, no, I mean.

• 40:56Laci Mosley?

  It's just his ass and it's not sexual?

• 40:58Speaker 06

  Just his ass on the cake. That's it.

• 41:00Laci Mosley?

  Wow.

• 41:01Speaker 06

  Yeah. So you could be, listen, if you got a special talent out there.

• 41:04Laci Mosley?

  That is so innovative. Yes, monetize it. That's really innovative. Anywho, Atticus says, the scam is I flipped one of my tech company bosses, the CEO company, into a John. Oh.

• 41:16Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 41:18Laci Mosley?

  Okay. My young dumb ass confessed to having a crush on him and rather than be a responsible leader, he ran with it and ended up becoming a massage client of mine.

• 41:28Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 41:29Laci Mosley?

  Oops.

• 41:31Laci Mosley?

  So, I mean, crushes are free. You know, sleep with people is free. I guess this is a better.

• 41:38Speaker 06

  The, the problem is, is like, did he pay you for the massage?

• 41:41Laci Mosley?

  I think so. She said client, or they said client.

• 41:44Speaker 06

  That is tough, because here's the thing. I'm not in favor of blackmail. I don't believe in blackmail unless in certain situations. But you need to ask for a raise, baby. You need to ask for a raise right now, because.

• 41:57Laci Mosley?

  I mean, I don't know.

• 41:59Speaker 06

  That's an HR violation.

• 42:02Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I mean, but then who start, like, you said you had a crush.

• 42:06Speaker 06

  No, I guess the, the other option is, is that like, hey, I really enjoyed the massage I gave you. I hope you had fun too. The price is going up.

• 42:14Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I think the price just needs to go up under the, yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 06

  Because the stakes are a little bit higher now.

• 42:18Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 42:19Speaker 06

  You're my boss, I'm your employee, you need to pay me a little bit more.

• 42:22Laci Mosley?

  But also, if you're working in the tech field, like, they, I thought they were supposed to be paying all, okay, but this is a tech startup.

• 42:27Speaker 06

  Tech startup, yeah, it could be, it could be a lot of different things.

• 42:29Laci Mosley?

  If you don't have a lot of VCs and, you know, injecting capital perhaps.

• 42:32Speaker 06

  In San Francisco, babe, like, I know a, a Google project manager who makes a shit ton of money on OnlyFans. They don't give a shit. They really don't. Like, and he's open about it, like.

• 42:42Laci Mosley?

  I don't mean like having the secret job, I just mean needing to have another job.

• 42:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, it is crazy.

• 42:47Laci Mosley?

  Shouldn't the coins be like rolling in?

• 42:49Speaker 06

  You'd think, but San Francisco, very expensive city.

• 42:52Laci Mosley?

  Very expensive.

• 42:53Speaker 06

  Very expensive city to live in. He's just putting that money away to save, you know?

• 42:57Laci Mosley?

  You know what? And I'm not mad at it, not mad at it at all. I'm gonna give you the title, uh, the working title of this before we start, before you give me the name, okay? So, we've been hearing like lots of confessions from proud scammers among our listeners, but we couldn't wrap up the episode without someone from the congregation snitching on their own family and friends. Yes, which, uh, as I said before, [email protected], snitch on your friends and your family to just make sure the scam is what? Retired, yes, because we don't wanna, yes, fuck up your bag, amen. So, I, this is a fake mistress fraud. Hmm. And it says, snitching on my dad's friend, and then in caps, I don't give a fuck.

• 43:39Laci Mosley?

  Clearly. So what would you like to title this person?

• 43:43Speaker 06

  Um, okay. I, um, uh, we're gonna go Jezebel.

• 43:48Laci Mosley?

  Jezebel. Now we calling you the Jezebel. You're like, I'm snitching on the Jezebel. Okay, but I love it. So Jezebel says, "I write you today, all the way from Brazil." "I was a long time listener, first time snitcher." So, a little background. This scam happened to my father's friend with whom my dad shares a singular brain cell with.

• 44:10Laci Mosley?

  Came out the gate, swinging. Swinging.

• 44:13Speaker 06

  Leave him down.

• 44:14Laci Mosley?

  This man, I need another fake name.

• 44:17Speaker 06

  This man, Bartholomew.

• 44:19Laci Mosley?

  So Bartholomew, we gonna call him Bart.

• 44:22Speaker 06

  Bart.

• 44:22Laci Mosley?

  This man Bart is a married man, a leader in the church, and a pillar in the community. We gotta stop having community pillars because clearly the infrastructure is bad. I feel like everybody in the community can just hold up the same amount of weight because when we have a pillar, the pillar always falls.

• 44:37Speaker 06

  It is one of those things that I do not trust people immediately when they want a leadership position in the church or when they want to be a pillar in the community, or when they want to be president, quite frankly. Because I'm like, there is something intrinsically wrong with you.

• 44:48Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Speaker 06

  To want that, to want that work, and you want the glory, you want the attention, you don't want to do the work. Like, I do not fundamentally trust people who want to be in leadership positions like that. I think, I don't think they should be allowed. I think it should be, we should find the person who wants it the least, who's the most qualified, and say, "Sorry babe, it's yours." Yeah.

• 45:11Laci Mosley?

  No, we're not gonna let you walk away.

• 45:13Speaker 06

  No.

• 45:14Laci Mosley?

  No, it's actually, the government is acquiring you, okay? And now you have to do this job. I would love that. I literally just saw a video, and I'm not gonna get, this is the only thing I'm gonna say about it. I don't want to go any further, but of our current president, there was a church service where this lady was like, painting real fast on a canvas, a picture of that orange man, and he's like looking at a tiny, tiny cross in the distance, like Jesus on a very tiny cross. And he's in the forefront of the photo, and while she's like slashing and painting, and it's always like a very thin white woman who's barefoot and in a tight dress, and she's like painting and slashing and painting, and this is a fucking, like... It was like a huge amphitheater, full of people, like filming and crying and they're playing gospel music and everybody's like,

• 45:58Laci Mosley?

  "Amen." And she's painting that man. And I was like, y'all done lost the plot now.

• 46:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:04Laci Mosley?

  And they're like, "Y'all did this with Obama." I was like, "No, we did not go to church and pray to Obama." Like, yes, we had some songs. "My President is Black" is still a bop.

• 46:11Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 46:12Laci Mosley?

  You know, we had some t-shirts. We, you know, our grandies got commemorative plates. We did not bring Obama to the church.

• 46:16Speaker 06

  I had a lot of notes.

• 46:18Laci Mosley?

  Next to Jesus.

• 46:19Speaker 06

  I had a lot of notes for Obama. I love the playlist, but I had some notes, okay?

• 46:23Laci Mosley?

  Loved the playlist, loved his book selections, loved his favorite movies. Do we have notes? I mean, but you can't be the head war criminal and not be a war criminal.

• 46:31Speaker 06

  No, exactly. Exactly. I'm so glad you have taste, but you bombed a lot of people, so.

• 46:37Laci Mosley?

  And we remember. Um, but at the same time, we weren't painting pictures like, "Amen." Like, that's, come on now. So, so Bart Almule is a married man, right? He's a leader, he's a pillar, all these things. He's seen as an honest man and has been saving money for his daughter's wedding.

• 46:55Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 46:56Laci Mosley?

  And then, um, so, this is again Bart. So Bart met a woman on God's internet. You know, we know about, I don't know about God's internet. I feel like I've been on the devil's internet for a while. And God not letting me dial up. Cause every time I get on there, I'm like, well, God is not here. God's country.

• 47:15Speaker 06

  God is not in this place.

• 47:16Laci Mosley?

  Not online. So they messaged back and forth and he was honest to God, having a text message affair with this lady.

• 47:23Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:24Laci Mosley?

  So remember, this is Bart. He the pillar of the community. He got a wife. And he had met another woman on the internets. And now he's texting back and forth with this woman, having an emotional affair. I know you don't shame, and normally I don't either, but honestly, shame.

• 47:38Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:39Laci Mosley?

  So it's in all caps. So Jezebel said that. Jezebel said shame. So Jezebel says he had a wife at home and was having a straight up affair. There were "my loves" and promises of spending a lifetime together. And then in parentheses, uh, Jezebel says, "and nudes, of course."

• 47:54Speaker 06

  Of course.

• 47:55Laci Mosley?

  Gotta, gotta, gotta.

• 47:56Speaker 06

  How does Jezebel have privy to all this information?

• 47:59Laci Mosley?

  Jezebel, what were you up to?

• 48:00Speaker 06

  She got his login or something?

• 48:01Laci Mosley?

  Jezebel, you all up in this man's phone.

• 48:05Laci Mosley?

  So she claimed to be an American cop, not FBI, not Army, just a regular police officer, on duty in Turkey, the country, for some reason.

• 48:13Speaker 06

  Well, it keeps getting worse. A-Cab.

• 48:15Laci Mosley?

  Now, why is she over there?

• 48:16Speaker 06

  A-Cab in Turkey.

• 48:16Laci Mosley?

  Right, A-Cab in Turkey. Now, if she was smart, she would've sent Israel, because we literally do send police officers over there to train. So that would've been plausible.

• 48:26Speaker 06

  We ain't sending people to Turkey.

• 48:27Laci Mosley?

  We ain't sending nobody to Constantinople.

• 48:29Speaker 06

  Mm-mm.

• 48:29Laci Mosley?

  Okay? I don't know. Okay, though. So she told him that while serving a warrant and looking for drugs in a Turkish cave, so while she's doing that, she's serving a warrant, she looking for drugs in a Turkish cave.

• 48:41Speaker 06

  She's spelunking.

• 48:42Laci Mosley?

  She's spelunking.

• 48:45Laci Mosley?

  You know how you be spelunking?

• 48:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, you just be spelunking for drugs.

• 48:48Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, as a cop, as a regular cop. She went from traffic tickets to spelunking in Turkey for that dope, you know? As one does. So she said while she was doing this, she came across a treasure appraised for over five million dollars. I just want to know if buried treasure is a myth or if anybody... I know Sandy Jenkins, the fruitcake fraudster, he did try to bury some treasure near a lake before he got arrested by the FBI, but I want to know if there is really treasure, because I don't know why y'all still fall for this.

• 49:16Speaker 06

  I gotta say...

• 49:16Laci Mosley?

  Is it movie propaganda?

• 49:17Speaker 06

  I gotta say, I feel like the people of Turkey would've found this by now. If there were five million dollars that existed somewhere in a cave in Turkey, I feel like they're on the case.

• 49:27Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 49:28Speaker 06

  I like, what is the... What are the odds that this fucking police officer stumbled upon five million dollars in a cave spelunking for drugs? Like, because you know if there were drugs in that cave, there were other people spelunking in that cave, who could've found that treasure. Found this treasure. What is she, in the Temple of Doom? Like, what ancient artifact is she stealing from the country of Turkey that's worth five million dollars?

• 49:53Laci Mosley?

  This is Indiana Jones right here, but she in Turkey, Turkeyana Jones. So however, as always, there was a catch. If the Turkish government found out about the treasure, they would seize it because it was their own national treasure.

• 50:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:07Laci Mosley?

  Isn't that a movie?

• 50:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, she's stealing the Declaration of Independence right now.

• 50:13Laci Mosley?

  So she needed help smuggling the found treasure out of Turkey.

• 50:16Speaker 06

  Bartholomew.

• 50:17Laci Mosley?

  Fast. And she also had to do it fast. No reason why there's a rush, other than this is a scam. I told you when people put time constraints on stuff.

• 50:24Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 50:25Laci Mosley?

  Just think, what if I was dead? Okay, there's always 30 seconds to think about anything.

• 50:29Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:30Laci Mosley?

  You got 30 seconds. Say it all out loud. It's not gonna make sense.

• 50:34Speaker 06

  Read back the messages.

• 50:35Laci Mosley?

  So however, but she did send those news, the news probably popping. So however, as always, you know, there's this catch, right? So lucky for her, this honest man, Bartholomew, remember? The pillar of the community, did not have the shared brain cell that weekend. Because remember she said her and this man, her daddy and this man.

• 50:52Speaker 06

  It was on loan.

• 50:53Laci Mosley?

  It was on loan. The dad had it. She said, I guess my dad was using it, the shared brain cell. So you're coming in, I don't even have to write the jokes, you've got a whole set here. So she asked him for 5,000 Brazilian reais to ship the treasure out of the country through her diplomatic friend, who promised to split the treasure with them.

• 51:11Speaker 06

  Oh, and now we got a third character coming in.

• 51:13Laci Mosley?

  We got a third character, diplomatic friend. You know how you're just, you're a cop, and then you go to Turkey, and you spelunk for drugs, and you also have a diplomatic friend? Now, the diplomatic friend can't just, they can't do this together. They give him and his money to the diplomatic friend.

• 51:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:29Laci Mosley?

  Because the friend ain't that diplomatic.

• 51:30Speaker 06

  No.

• 51:31Laci Mosley?

  Okay, money make me diplomat.

• 51:32Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:33Laci Mosley?

  Money make me dip. So it wasn't long until that friendly smuggling diplomat contacted him. However,

• 51:42Laci Mosley?

  to inform him that the treasure had been confiscated by customs, and that they needed an extra 7,000 Brazilian reais to bribe them into releasing the treasure.

• 51:52Speaker 06

  What's the exchange rate over there in Brazil? You know what? I don't care. It's a lot of money.

• 51:56Laci Mosley?

  Right. And then also, if it's in customs, so they're trying to bribe it out of customs. So they're not even talking about paying like a tariff or like a tax. They're saying like, or a VAT or anything. They're talking about, we need to bribe the customs people, and they're shady. And they're shady to the tune of exactly 7,000 USD. So, oh no, the treasure, Jesbo says. I cannot stress enough how much he did not have access to that one brain cell because he once again dipped into his daughter's wedding fund.

• 52:23Speaker 06

  Oh my god, this man.

• 52:24Laci Mosley?

  And sent $7,000.

• 52:25Speaker 06

  Oh my god, this man.

• 52:26Laci Mosley?

  Then he came to my father. A 70 something year old man who had been using their shared brain cell to try and explain why vaccines are bad and healthy diet is all you need.

• 52:37Speaker 06

  My god.

• 52:38Laci Mosley?

  Just to brag about how savvy he was and how he'd make bank with his mistress. So Bart came to dumb dad who had the brain cell, who was currently injecting ivermectin and said, I'm about to make so much money with my mistress who I've never met and also this diplomat who I also have never met, who has asked me for a copious amounts of cash.

• 52:59Speaker 06

  Are there cameras in here? Where are the cameras? I need to direct it. Where are the cameras?

• 53:05Laci Mosley?

  There are cameras. I will give you a camera. I will give you a camera.

• 53:11Laci Mosley?

  You're on.

• 53:12Speaker 06

  What? What is wrong with these people?

• 53:18Speaker 06

  And that's the preview for the episode.

• 53:20Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 53:22Laci Mosley?

  Yes. I don't know what's wrong with these people and also just bragging about this. Y'all in y'all 70s, like y'all should have known better.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Oh my god, yeah.

• 53:29Laci Mosley?

  So it says my dad having possession of their shared brain cell, right? Informed him that it was obviously a scam.

• 53:36Speaker 06

  Well, thank god for dad.

• 53:38Laci Mosley?

  Right. He, you know what, that cell is working. That's a strong brain cell. So Bartholomew insisted, however, that his girlfriend was real, like them reals. And when the diplomat friend contacted him again to ask him for, guess what, more money, my father picked up the phone and started asking questions. At this point, the diplomat, who had no problem communicating with Bartholomew in Portuguese, claimed, he no hablo português.

• 54:03Speaker 06

  That's not right.

• 54:04Laci Mosley?

  So they're all Brazilian and they were speaking Portuguese before, but all of a sudden he was like, languish barrier?

• 54:10Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm. That's a classic move when you're scamming somebody.

• 54:13Laci Mosley?

  No, speak English.

• 54:14Speaker 06

  I don't, I, no English.

• 54:16Laci Mosley?

  No English.

• 54:16Speaker 06

  No English, no other language either, no, no.

• 54:19Laci Mosley?

  No English, right.

• 54:21Laci Mosley?

  What I mean is no, no English. I don't want to speak English with you.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:24Laci Mosley?

  I'm gonna start using that. People will come after me on the street. No English. Like in a perfect English accent. No English. No English.

• 54:33Laci Mosley?

  So finally, my dad's friend became convinced that the diplomat was a scammer. Finally, but was convinced his mistress wasn't in on it. Not Bay, not Bay who sent me them titties. He immediately contacted her to tell her that he wanted to rescue her and ask her how this man was forcing her to participate in his scam.

• 54:53Speaker 06

  Not misogynist on top of everything, not believing that a woman could be capable.

• 54:57Laci Mosley?

  She's not smart enough for that.

• 54:58Speaker 06

  No, she's not smart enough to scam me out of however many dollars. She needs a man's help to do that.

• 55:03Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, honestly, run with this. I'm like, my dumb woman brain and my ovaries. My ovaries don't know how to run a con.

• 55:11Speaker 06

  I forgot to speak Portuguese. I don't know how to speak it anymore.

• 55:15Laci Mosley?

  So keep in mind, he'd never verbally spoken with this woman. The whole affair was via text message and presumably stolen nudes.

• 55:22Speaker 06

  My God.

• 55:23Laci Mosley?

  So he didn't even heard her voice. She was like, hello.

• 55:26Speaker 06

  They weren't FaceTiming? They weren't nothing?

• 55:28Laci Mosley?

  I mean, he's in his 70s. They don't really know how to do a FaceTime.

• 55:32Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 55:33Laci Mosley?

  And that's, that's perfect because obviously a man knows what to say to get another man like interested and pretend to be a woman.

• 55:41Speaker 06

  Right.

• 55:42Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, so she hit him with a bunch of, my love, what are you talking about nonsense? And after he begrudgingly admitted, she finally, after she was like, babe, what are you talking about babes, babes? He was like, okay, she's probably in on it. It took you too long, bro.

• 55:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, what a journey.

• 55:59Laci Mosley?

  He was so pissed and wanted to go to the police. My dad reminded him that before finding out it was all a scam, he believed he was helping her.

• 56:09Speaker 06

  Commit a legal act.

• 56:11Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, scam a whole country.

• 56:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:13Laci Mosley?

  And was willingly going along with it. Yeah, was sure in it. You spy versus spy.

• 56:17Speaker 06

  You know what?

• 56:17Laci Mosley?

  You can't be like, I was trying to do crime and then it turned out that the other criminal did crime on me. Arrest them.

• 56:22Speaker 06

  Our friend, Jezebel, is it? I don't even know. Tanya, whatever we named her.

• 56:26Laci Mosley?

  Yes, Jezebel.

• 56:27Speaker 06

  Kudos to her. What a foolproof plan. I need your help committing an illegal act.

• 56:33Laci Mosley?

  Oh, the scammer. We never named the mistress.

• 56:35Speaker 06

  Oh, Tanya.

• 56:36Laci Mosley?

  Tanya, Tanya.

• 56:37Speaker 06

  Tanya is genius because the fact is, is she's right. Like she asked him to do something, help her with something illegal. He has no recourse now.

• 56:47Laci Mosley?

  Yep.

• 56:47Speaker 06

  He's been painted into this corner. He just out the money.

• 56:50Laci Mosley?

  Right, cuz it's not like, that's a good one.

• 56:52Speaker 06

  Like, he, he ain't getting nothing.

• 56:54Laci Mosley?

  He ain't getting nothing but some text messages.

• 56:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:57Laci Mosley?

  Oh, Bartholomew.

• 56:58Speaker 06

  Somebody Google image searched "hot Brazilian woman" and sent those pictures to him.

• 57:03Laci Mosley?

  Bartholomew, you really got scammed. You paid the scammer man for scam texts? Like, really? Like, it's like that one tweet where somebody was like, "I can't believe y'all out here fucking the text man." Or no, it was like, "I can't believe y'all out here fucking the weed man for weed." And then somebody retweeted it and was like, "I can't believe you out here fucking the text man for texts." Like, you fucking the text man for texts? You're not even fucking, you're literally giving your money away. And, you're right. This is an advanced form of love fraud because not only are they stealing the money for you, they have made the intents and purposes of that money something illegal. So now your intent, it's not like they said like, "Oh, I'm having a surgery," or "Oh, I'm doing this thing," and it's like clear out love fraud. They're saying, "Participate in illegal activity with me." So now how do you go to the police? What's the legal recourse when you're like,

• 57:47Laci Mosley?

  "Okay, so I was trying to rob a bank."

• 57:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:49Laci Mosley?

  But then these other bank robbers got there first.

• 57:51Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm. I was trying to, I was trying to- national security steal the Declaration of Independence of Turkey, and I, apparently it turned out to be a scam. I'm sorry, but I need your help.

• 58:03Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I need your help to get my money back for the crime I was trying to commit.

• 58:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:06Laci Mosley?

  We invested a lot in those guns and those ski masks. We watched it set it off 12 times. And I just feel personally robbed when I was trying to do the robbing.

• 58:13Speaker 06

  Exactly. I set my car on fire and now I need a new one.

• 58:17Laci Mosley?

  Right. Yeah, I did arson, but the insurance didn't really work out cuz they were scamming me. So, no, you can't, you're involved in crime now, so you can't do anything. So obviously, he can't go to the police with this. They would immediately lock him up, Jezebel says. So Bart starts backtracking. "No, he wasn't trying to steal anything. He's an honest man. He didn't think of it as smuggling. Finders keepers, yadda, yadda, yadda."

• 58:40Speaker 06

  You 77, you're goddamn years old. You know what smuggling is, my friend.

• 58:45Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, that's one of y'all's terms, okay? Like, with hootenanny, you know? Like, that's one of y'all's old school terms. You definitely know what smuggling is, okay? It's like calling somebody a harlot. You know those words. That's from your generation. So the best part of it is that the scam kept happening.

• 59:01Speaker 06

  No, I thought we were almost done.

• 59:03Laci Mosley?

  We are. The lady has claimed more, like, two more victims in the same town, last I heard. And honestly, I stand, says Joseph Bell.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  I kind of stand too, cuz here's the thing, like, he had every opportunity.

• 59:21Laci Mosley?

  Every.

• 59:22Speaker 06

  Not a one alarm bell went off. This is a teaching moment for this man. He's, he's ending, he's nearing the end of his life. Now, I, I hope he's not cleaned out, I hope he has retirement, I hope he can live.

• 59:34Laci Mosley?

  Well, the funny part of it is, Robert, his daughter's wedding, he's a pillar in the community.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  Oh, my God, his daughter's wedding!

• 59:39Laci Mosley?

  His daughter's wedding.

• 59:40Speaker 06

  His daughter's wedding!

• 59:41Laci Mosley?

  Put a balloon budget out the window, cake budget.

• 59:44Speaker 06

  Have fun at the Buca de Beppo, sweetheart, because that's about all you're gonna be able to afford now. Cuz your dad's sending this Brazilian money. I cannot believe this. I have, I have no sympathy for this man.

• 59:56Laci Mosley?

  Listen, you get married at the Olive Garden, cuz when you're here, your family.

• 59:58Speaker 06

  I have, I have sympathy for the daughter, I have sympathy, uh, but that's pretty much it. Because, quite frankly, like, I don't understand what happens to a man. I, I don't, listen, I'm getting older, I'm pushing 40, I get what it's like to be getting older, to feel less desirable, to want that attention.

• 1:00:16Laci Mosley?

  Do you, Joel?

• 1:00:17Speaker 06

  To want it so badly.

• 1:00:19Laci Mosley?

  That was so nice of him.

• 1:00:20Speaker 06

  We established.

• 1:00:20Laci Mosley?

  Now you sound like a nepo baby, he's a genetic nepo baby.

• 1:00:23Speaker 06

  There are no cameras in this room.

• 1:00:25Laci Mosley?

  I know how it feels to be one of those, those ugly people.

• 1:00:28Speaker 06

  No, I'm just saying, like, listen, once you hit 40, it's like, you know, it's game over.

• 1:00:33Laci Mosley?

  You're gonna keep getting hotter.

• 1:00:34Speaker 06

  But the fact is, is, we've established there's no cameras in the room, so no one can say otherwise.

• 1:00:38Laci Mosley?

  Then you can see photos when I drop them.

• 1:00:40Speaker 06

  These, these men are desperate, these men are desperate, and they are so willing to go along with just an ounce of love. And this is another problem is, and I don't.

• 1:00:49Laci Mosley?

  He got a whole wife, what you mean an ounce? He literally got a gallon.

• 1:00:52Speaker 06

  Oh, my God, I forgot about the wife! I forgot about the wife! Oh my God, no sympathy.

• 1:00:57Laci Mosley?

  He got a gallon of love at home.

• 1:00:58Speaker 06

  No fucking sympathy.

• 1:01:00Laci Mosley?

  Because it may apply to somebody else.

• 1:01:02Speaker 06

  I got too distracted.

• 1:01:03Laci Mosley?

  So, yeah, so the woman is still around here, right? Doing this scam. And he had a wife, he had a gallon of love at home.

• 1:01:11Speaker 06

  And what happened to this wife?

• 1:01:12Laci Mosley?

  So anyways, Bartholomew, this is Jezebel talking, became desperate to cover up the money he lost before his wife found out because she was this real, like she was like real close to kicking him out. And he asked my dad for advice. So again, they swapping that one brain cell. He was like, toss it back to me, bro. I'm like, catch, I'm wide open, I need the brain cell. Through their conversation, he decided to make up the difference from the church. He runs.

• 1:01:38Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:01:42Speaker 06

  Oh my God.

• 1:01:45Laci Mosley?

  So through the conversation with your dad, Jezebel, they came up with the ingenious plan, you know what?

• 1:01:51Speaker 06

  Let's just embezzle from the church.

• 1:01:53Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 06

  Let's just embezzle from the church.

• 1:01:55Laci Mosley?

  I mean, his standing as a pillar is already gone.

• 1:01:57Speaker 06

  I'm gonna need you all to tithe 30% this month.

• 1:02:00Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 1:02:01Speaker 06

  Because there is a man pretending to be a Brazilian woman that's, that conned me.

• 1:02:06Laci Mosley?

  Coned in the community, y'all.

• 1:02:08Speaker 06

  Um, so I think it's what God wants, that he wants you to tithe double to triple.

• 1:02:13Laci Mosley?

  The sermon should start getting weird. He was like, okay, God told me it's a flood coming. So we will be needing 50% tithes this week, okay? Cause we're gonna build the ark.

• 1:02:23Speaker 06

  Heg, heg for this man. I hope this woman leaves him. I hope that like he, I, I, you know, and I do hope that he learns his lesson. And I hope that the lesson that he's learned is that you are 77 years old. There ain't no world where a Brazilian woman wants you for anything but your money. And you have a whole ass wife at home who you have built a life with, have a daughter with, who is probably sitting there wondering like, I would have loved this man forever till the ends of the earth. And this is how he treats me? He deserves nothing.

• 1:02:58Laci Mosley?

  Nothing, but here's the thing though. So it's a quadruple scam now, Jezebel says. Scamming Turkey out of the treasure, scamming his sweet wife. Scamming his daughter's wedding fund and finally scamming the church fund. Oof, problematic. That is where it is. So we don't know if this man was ever caught. I feel as though she is snitching because she learned all of this from her father.

• 1:03:18Speaker 06

  Probably.

• 1:03:19Laci Mosley?

  Isabel learned this from her father.

• 1:03:20Speaker 06

  And here's what I need Isabel to do. You need to write an anonymous letter to that church because that is not a man who should be leading a church.

• 1:03:27Laci Mosley?

  Yes. And like, oh lordy Jesus. But also like, if I'm the daughter, like, I mean, I guess if the wedding fund was replenished by the church, I don't know where the money came from.

• 1:03:36Speaker 06

  Right. And the thing is, is this is kind of like the best kind of juicy gossip drama like scam. Because you are so far removed from it. You're like three degrees separated from the actual drama. That it is like, what an amazing story to tell at a party.

• 1:03:53Laci Mosley?

  Right. This is like a great story, Isabel.

• 1:03:54Speaker 06

  And it affects you exactly zero percent. And it's just, it's so, like, to have, to be that proximal to this level of drama. What a gift from God. Now she is a woman of God because God has blessed her.

• 1:04:09Laci Mosley?

  Blessed you for sending this in. We send all the blessings your way.

• 1:04:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, but I mean, again, check on your older relatives. They don't need to be out here meeting people online.

• 1:04:19Speaker 06

  Take the phone away. Take the phone away.

• 1:04:23Laci Mosley?

  There's some people who are still on dating apps, but I feel like it's just because it's like they want to do penetrations with people. I don't really know a lot of people who are looking for love on dating apps anymore. It was like a big boost for a while. And now it's kind of tapering off to like, oh, are you five miles away or are you a mile away? Like, oh, I'm trying to go out.

• 1:04:40Speaker 06

  It's all very GPS focused now.

• 1:04:42Laci Mosley?

  Yes. Yes. It's not about, I mean, when I was looking to date people on the apps, I was still GPS focused. If you lived in Pasadena, I'm like, oh bitch, what is this? Are we in some kind of fucking Nancy Meyers movie? I'm gonna write you a letter or some shit? You know, with traffic there?

• 1:04:54Speaker 06

  Some guy messaged me in Venice the other day. I live on the east side and I was like, see you never. I will go to San Francisco before I go to Venice. I'm sorry.

• 1:05:01Laci Mosley?

  Long distance relationship. What do you mean?

• 1:05:03Speaker 06

  I live near the Burbank airport. Depending on what time I leave, I can get door to door to San Francisco faster than I can get to Venice.

• 1:05:09Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Listen, I don't even know how much Post Forever stamps are right now. Okay? I'm not doing that with you. Because we're certainly not driving. And then what if I drive to your house?

• 1:05:19Speaker 06

  I'm gonna lose.

• 1:05:19Laci Mosley?

  How do I get back home?

• 1:05:20Speaker 06

  I don't have that many podcasts to listen to, okay?

• 1:05:24Laci Mosley?

  No one does.

• 1:05:27Laci Mosley?

  I'm watching full-length movies in my car. Like, what the fuck?

• 1:05:30Speaker 06

  I love it when the Uber drivers have like their phone up and there's clearly YouTube playing. And I'm like, I don't feel like you should be watching that.

• 1:05:37Laci Mosley?

  One of my best friends does that. Like, she would drive from Philly to Pittsburgh. It's like a six-hour drive. It's like across the state. But she would like watch full television programs and movies and stuff. And I was like, ah, all right.

• 1:05:50Speaker 06

  Let me know next time she's on the road and...

• 1:05:53Laci Mosley?

  Listen, that's better than LA drivers. I see people fully like phone up to the face, like fully in their phone as the vehicle is operating. And I'm like, why are y'all, come on now?

• 1:06:02Speaker 06

  I saw a man driving the other day. He was leaning over, driving. He had one hand on the wheel and he was leaning over to get to like adjust his right side mirror because it was like stuck. And I was like, baby, pull over. You're in the middle, like you're in the middle of driving and you're leaned fully over to the passenger side seat to reach out the window to push. And I was like, it ain't that serious. Pull the fuck over.

• 1:06:29Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:29Speaker 06

  Get in that Wendy's parking lot and do it there.

• 1:06:32Laci Mosley?

  And I'm gonna leave you guys with this, um, on the driving note, which is completely irrelevant to what we were talking about, but I don't care. Um, I had a friend like, I think, I don't know if you know her, but she had posted on Facebook. This was like years ago and I still think about it. She was like, guys, you really need to get off your phone when you're driving. Like, anything that you're looking at can wait. Remember what I say, what if I'm dead? Okay, ask yourself that. What if you're dead? You're not gonna get that email right now. You're not gonna get that text right now. What if you're dead? Just drive. And I was looking at my phone and there was like some important email coming in. And I was finding myself like on the 405 about to like read it. And I was like, I thought about what she said and I put my phone down. And when I put my phone down and I looked up, there was a truck in front of me that had, uh, it was like one of those beat-down pickup trucks, like definitely somebody who does like, um...

• 1:07:17Laci Mosley?

  Contract work.

• 1:07:18Speaker 06

  Oh, I was gonna say meth. But, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:20Laci Mosley?

  That too, you know, you gotta stay up.

• 1:07:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:22Laci Mosley?

  You gotta stay awake when you building them houses. And so on the back of the truck was all of these like windows, like glass windows that you like install in the house. But like it was a bunch of them stacked up on the flatbed of this pickup truck. And it's like one of those smaller kind of rinky-dink.

• 1:07:38Speaker 06

  It's Final Destination tees.

• 1:07:40Laci Mosley?

  Li- literally, like, so they had strapped down with some rope or something. I was like, let me get out of this lane. Tell me why when I got out of that lane, the windows started flying off the back of the truck into traffic.

• 1:07:51Speaker 06

  Final Destination tees, oh my god.

• 1:07:54Laci Mosley?

  No, don't say that, because I mean, the window man gonna come back for me.

• 1:07:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're the, you're the main character. You're the main character, you survive.

• 1:08:02Laci Mosley?

  I'm scared of so many windows in here. But yeah, so y'all just look up from your phone. You don't, you can, whatever it is, remember, what if I'm dead? Somebody ask you for money?

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  I am taking that away from me today in such a real way, a real powerful way. What if I'm dead?

• 1:08:17Laci Mosley?

  Like, what would you do then? You would find another solution. That's how I get rid of the guilt. When somebody asks me to do something that I don't want to do or don't feel comfortable doing, instead of feeling that external pressure and doing it anyway, which is what I would do when I was younger. Now I'm just like, what if I was dead? They would have to figure this out. So they would figure it out either way, I wouldn't be dead.

• 1:08:32Speaker 06

  The stakes can't be that high. If, if I'm dead and they find somebody to do it, then the stakes can't be that high.

• 1:08:41Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 1:08:42Speaker 06

  You know? The only way you do it is if you say, what if I were dead? And then you say, oh, well, there's no one else for the job. I gotta do it. There's, like, I am actually uniquely qualified to do this if I were dead.

• 1:08:53Laci Mosley?

  And no one else is.

• 1:08:54Speaker 06

  If I were dead, this person would be fucked. I guess I'll do it.

• 1:08:57Laci Mosley?

  And there's very few things where that happens. So just keep that in mind, guys. So Joel, we've reached the end of the show. We always ask here, where would you like to be found? Anything you want to plug, social media, people can watch you, be amazing.

• 1:09:09Speaker 06

  I am blessedly off Twitter now, but you can still find me on Instagram, unfortunately. It's at I Hate Joel Kim. That's where all my dates are, everything that I'm promoting, that I'm doing. Uh, uh, WorkWise is on there. I hate it. I'm only on there because I have to be, but you can still find me. I Hate Joel Kim.

• 1:09:26Laci Mosley?

  I hate Joakim.

• 1:09:26Speaker 06

  Listen to Bad Dates, it comes out every Monday. And check out Loot, which will be coming out later this year. Seasons one and two are streaming on Apple. And you can check out Love Hotel on Bravo on April 27.

• 1:09:38Laci Mosley?

  I can't wait to see you, ho. I'm turning it on, honey. As always, y'all can find me at D I B A L A C I D, Velaci on all platforms. I am a masked kiss, so I am still on Twitter. Scam Goddess. If you want to see photos or anything we pulled up, if you want to get your fake Android phone so you can stop getting your phone stolen, you can see that on our pages as well. Scam Goddess Pod on Instagram. You can pick up my book, Scam Goddess, or get the audiobook, wherever the books are procured, babes. And then you can stream all the episodes of Scam Goddess, the television show, on Hulu. You can also stream Going Dutch on Hulu as well. So get into one of these things that I'm slanging, honey.

• 1:10:15Speaker 06

  Yes, ma'am.

• 1:10:16Laci Mosley?

  The congregation, y'all get out there and y'all stay resurrected, okay? Imagine yourself dead, where you don't want to do something, and then resurrect yourself again when that person figures it out on their own, okay?

• 1:10:26Speaker 06

  Amen, amen.

• 1:10:29Laci Mosley?

  Amen, scam. Scam Goddess. This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros, and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming.

• 1:10:57Speaker 00

  That sound? That's the National Squash League. Pro teams, the world's best players, and rallies so fast you'll forget to breathe. Season four is in full swing, and every match streams free on YouTube. Big hits, bigger rivalries, and a front row seat from wherever you are. Watch every match for free on YouTube. Search National Squash League and hit subscribe or follow live updates on Instagram at NSL.Sport.

• 1:11:25Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 1:11:38Speaker 03

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair. This is an advertisement for Zolair,

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 1:12:25Speaker 07

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of 5-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Games on a break? Don't doom scroll. Try rips on Underdog. Buy a digital pack, rip it open, and reveal a real, physical card. Football, basketball, even Pokémon. Packs start at just $5. Ship it straight to your door or sell it back instantly at full market value. Max value up to $125,000. Download Underdog and get in on the chase. Deposit $5, get 5 free packs. Real rips, real cards, real cash. Only on Underdog. Unleash your dog. 18+, terms apply. Top Grails are extremely rare.