Pod Insights On Purpose with Jay Shetty 7 Signs You Need To Let Go Of A Relationship & 6 Steps To Finally Break It Off About this episode Are you in a toxic relationship? Jay Shetty believes that sometimes when relationships change, it means the relationship needs to come to an end. Jay walks through seven signs that a relationship might not be healthy and no longer worth your commitment.
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. You'll learn the 6-step process for how to end a relationship in a respectful way. Listen in for practical advice on navigating unhealthy relationships.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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2:16 Jay Shetty? And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1
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3:37 Jay Shetty? Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you. I am so happy to be back with you. I know that it's a tough time. I hope that you're staying safe. I hope that you're healthy. I hope that your family's well. I just want to take this moment to really send you all of my positive wishes and vibes and energy and just making sure that you're all really well and safe. And I just want to thank you all for the incredible reviews that you're leaving the On Purpose podcast on iTunes and on Spotify, whichever platform you're listening on. Thank you so much.
4:18 Jay Shetty? It means so much to me to see these incredible reviews left every single week. And they're just super kind and generous and I'm humbled by them. I really appreciate them. If you have... Subscribe then thank you so much. If you haven't, please do. And if you haven't left a review, please, please, please leave it. It helps the podcast so much more than you can even imagine. And it will make such a difference. We have over 12,000 reviews now, and I would love for you to leave one as well. Now, today's podcast is something that I've been thinking about a lot recently. And I think it's because for a lot of us, COVID-19 has given us the space and time to reflect,
5:01 Jay Shetty? reflect on our work, reflect on our relationships, reflect on our friendships, reflect on ourselves and our life and where it's going. And that's often what happens in stillness and in space and in peace. And it's interesting because sometimes we don't get clarity because our life is so cluttered. How many times have you experienced that? Things are so cluttered that you have no space for clarity, and therefore we only find clarity when we declutter. And one of the things that's needed to declutter is to slow down. You may have experienced this before, that when you're rushing around, you're moving around,
5:43 Jay Shetty? your life's hectic, everything's fine. And as soon as you slow down, you fall ill or you get unwell. Maybe you've experienced this before. I know I have, that I'm so used to being on planes and in the back of cars and driving and walking and running and moving. And then all of a sudden, you take a vacation and you get a bit of a cold. It's because when you stop, it's when you actually pause that your body gets a moment to tell you how it feels. Your mind gets a moment to tell you how it feels. So this may be a quite a overwhelmingly reflective time for you right now. You know, it's enhanced because of how much is going on right now in the world as well. So I appreciate that it can be very overwhelming.
6:23 Jay Shetty? But today I want to help you direct this reflection that you're having into a specific area of your life. And like I said, one of the biggest areas of our life that we might be having a reflection right now is relationships and friendships that we no longer want or need.
6:41 Jay Shetty? Or no longer add value to our lives and no longer feel meaningful to us. And this can probably be one of the hardest things to realize, whether it's at work, in business, in friendship, partners, friends we've had for a long time. This can probably be one of the hardest things to actually face. So if you've been reflecting on this, if this has been something that's been simmering to the surface in your mind and your life, then, you know, just well done for acknowledging it and recognizing it because it's so often the thing we just wanna hide because we're scared of it leading to conflict or a disagreement or a debate or a difficult conversation. And we literally have trained ourselves since we were young to not have difficult conversations.
7:24 Jay Shetty? If you remember, if you ever had a fight with someone at school, it would just be like, oh, well, just make up, like just say sorry to each other. You never actually had the difficult conversation of sharing how you felt, learning how that person felt and why they did it and why they behaved that way and why you reacted the way you did. You just had to say sorry. And so we live in a world now where just because of our childhood, we expect people to just say sorry, we expect people to just apologize, when actually that was never the right thing to do. What we needed was space to have that difficult conversation. What we needed was space where people got to share how they felt. What we needed was room for two people to actually come together and express their own challenges.
8:10 Jay Shetty? And because we've not been trained to do that, we hide away from it. So like I said, if this thought for you is simmering to the surface, where a friendship, a relationship, a colleague, a connection is now feeling like it's not something you need or want in your life anymore, then this podcast is really gonna help you. And like I said, this is for every relationship. This isn't just for partners and spouses. This is about career, this is about friendship, this is about work, business, whatever it may be, right? You can apply these principles that we're going to share. I wanna start off with the seven signs that you need to let go of a relationship first. And I'm not giving you the extreme signs that are more obvious. I'm giving you the signs that are sometimes more subtle. Subtle. So you're not going to hear things in here like, you know, if someone's abusive to you
8:55 Jay Shetty? or something like that, because that I believe, even though sometimes it's hard to realize that that is more obvious. Whereas I want to point out to some of you, the more the subtle ones that usually just linger in the background, like these relationships just continue to lurk in the background of your life. And, and if you know what I'm talking about, you know, you know, you know who you are and you know who you're thinking about right now, where you're just like, this just doesn't seem to make any sense. Like, these relationships are almost just lurking in the background of my life. They're not adding any value. I'm not adding any value back. And so you're starting to understand whether you actually need them. So let's talk about that. And I also want to talk to you about why it's important to officialize these things. And when I say
9:37 Jay Shetty? officialize, I don't mean give you a certificate or sign a contract, but why it's so important to cement people in your life is which degree they fit into, because that's going to help you process what you prioritize in your life a lot better. A lot of the times, we prioritize people based on how much they demand, or how loud they shout, or how much they react negatively when we do something. We don't prioritize the people who may be more quiet, but more loving and more affectionate. And so, learning how to officialize someone's role in your life allows you to actually prioritize. So first officialize, then prioritize, and it helps you actually
10:19 Jay Shetty? connect with them better. So let's talk about the seven signs. And trust me, I have done all of these. I've sometimes pushed back so many relationships in my life, where I've allowed these things to go on for longer than they needed to. And then finally, you get to this point, and you're like, wow, that was so long overdue. How did I let that just continue? How did I not? It's kind of like, I don't like comparing it to this, but the experience is similar to this. It's like, it's kind of like when you realize months later that you've been subscribed to like Netflix or YouTube or Spotify. And months later, you're like, why am I still subscribed? I do not watch this show. It does not appeal to me, right? And it's like, no relationship is like that. But it's just something interesting to think about, that feeling of like 10 months later, you're like, what? They've been taking $8 out of my account for the last 10
11:04 Jay Shetty? months, and I haven't even used it, right? And you don't want any of your relationships, especially ones that were powerful and useful and important in your life, you don't want any of those to feel like unused subscriptions.
11:18 Jay Shetty? Right? First of all, no one wants to feel like an unused subscription in your life. And you don't want someone to feel like an unused subscription in your life. You would rather that that relationship ended with positive tones to the best of its ability, if it could, right? You would want that person to feel valued for what they, the value they brought into your life. And you would also want to feel like things didn't end with complete pain and trauma and distress. Like, no one wants to add more drama. And that's, that's partly why we avoid it. We avoid it because we don't want the drama in our life. But actually, keeping it around only creates more opportunity for more drama. It's crazy to think about that, but it's so true. So here's the first one. Here's the first sign.
12:03 Jay Shetty? And when you're going through these signs, I want you to tick them in your mind or write them down and tick them on the paper in front of you. I want you to really think about what are the signs that stand out to you right now? And who are the people that fit into those categories? So one of the first ones, and this is a real big sign. And I have this way too often as well, and it's a big sign. How many of you know that there's someone in your life that you avoid their calls? You see their name on your phone. You see their message coming through, but you don't want to pick up because you're scared. Right? You're scared, you don't want to waste time. They don't, you know, you, you know what it's going to be like. Or you don't look forward to seeing them, right? This is all number one. Like, you don't look forward to seeing them.
12:47 Jay Shetty? You know you're going to see them at a party or at an event or on an online Zoom call right now. Or you know they're going to be at that house party event that you're attending because it's COVID-19 and you're doing virtual socializing. And, and you're not looking forward to seeing them, right? But they're in your life. They have your number, they're in your life. They sometimes message you, you sometimes may message them, you see them at things. But you're avoiding their calls. If you're avoiding someone's call, it's really important to ask yourself, why are you avoiding that call? Why are you? And it's important for you to reflect on that for yourself. And usually, we're avoiding people's calls because we're fearful. We're avoiding people's calls because we don't want to spend time hearing about their life, like we don't actually care anymore.
13:32 Jay Shetty? And that's a hard emotion to connect with for ourselves because we feel, wow, are we not caring people? Of course, you want to be a caring person, but there are times when we move on from people, and that's a hard emotion to even bear ourselves. And it's hard for them as well. So that's the first sign that you want to look at is, is there anyone in your life where you're avoiding their calls? And you don't look forward to seeing them. And like I'm saying that, admitting that to yourself is actually really tough. It's hard for that person when you admit it to them, but it's also hard when you admit it to yourself because you think, am I not a caring person? Do I not care about this person? Do I not care about anyone? And I would really reflect on that question and ask yourself, but is there, are there people in your life that you do reach out to?
14:14 Jay Shetty? Are there people in your life that you're excited to be around and excited to talk to? Because you need to also recognize if this is a deep rooted issue for you, or whether it's something that is reflective of this particular relationship. Now, the second sign is that you feel drained when you spend time with that person or you speak to that person. This can be one of the reasons why you avoid someone's calls. But this is a very specific thing that you might not have got to that point yet, where you're avoiding time with or avoiding calls with them. This is almost a precursor to the first point. Well, you have to recognize that actually, whenever I come back from spending time with that person or being on the phone with that person, I always feel drained. I feel negative. I feel tired. And that again is a hard thing to recognize and acknowledge ourselves
14:59 Jay Shetty? because we feel like, well, maybe it's just me, or maybe that negativity is just something I carry. But if it's just particular now, you know, I know for a fact that I'm pretty susceptible to energies and when I'm around certain people, I can feel whether I feel they're right for me. And this is the point. If someone is not good for you, that doesn't mean that they're not a good person. Right? If someone's not good for you, it doesn't mean that they're not a good person. It just means that they're not good for you. This is a really important, non-judgmental way, a mindful way of choosing and curating and selecting your circle. Often what happens when we're immature spiritual or immature emotional
15:42 Jay Shetty? or immature intelligence, right? We think that creating our squad or our tribe or our community is about who's not good energy and who's got bad energy. And that puts us automatically on this pedestal and judgmental position from which we're now looking down on people. And the problem with starting to look down on people is we start to feel that we're above, right? That's the problem with looking down on people. The biggest problem with looking down on people is that then we feel that we're above. And as soon as you feel you're above, that tower starts to get so high that you have no idea.
16:23 Jay Shetty? You won't believe if anyone is ever going to be higher than you. And, and we can get lost in that, right? There's a beautiful story from the Mahabharata, which is a historical epic of India. And it's said in this story that there are two warriors. One is known as a noble warrior and the other warrior is conditioned by envy and jealousy and competition. And this is the beautiful word used as conditioning. So it's not that anyone, like for example, water is water, but it becomes dirty, it becomes muddy. But water, when cleansed and purified and unconditioned,
17:07 Jay Shetty? is pure and beautiful, right? From its source, it's pure and beautiful. So the spiritual understanding is that every single one of us is that way, but becomes polluted. We become impure based on our association, based on the energy that we end up taking in. So this story is given to two warriors, the noble warrior and the warrior who struggles with envy and jealousy. And both the warriors are asked to find people. So the first noble warrior is asked to find someone in society who's below him.
17:39 Jay Shetty? And the warrior goes out and he searches the land and he comes back and he says, you know what? I couldn't find anyone who's below me because everyone's my equal and other people are my, my seniors, like people that I can grow through, but, but no one's below me because everyone's working so hard and doing their best. Everyone's trying their hardest and they're just different, right? They're just different. And then the other warrior, the, the envious warrior, the conditioned warrior is asked the same question of, hey, I want, actually he's asked a different question and asked the question, hey, I want you to go and find someone in the world who's above you. And that warrior searches the whole planet, comes back and goes, hey, I couldn't find anyone who's above me. You know, I'm pretty much at the top, like I couldn't really find anyone above me.
18:19 Jay Shetty? And, and that's that kind of status thing of, of getting lost in, in feeling that our energy is better or our energy is positive. So the way I like to think of it is that just because someone's not good for me, doesn't mean that they're not a good person. Right? Because they might be good for someone else. And, and that frees you from this pedestal, from this superiority complex, from this ego battle, and saves you so much energy. By the way, I am loving this podcast right now. I hope that you're feeling the openness and the connection of thoughts in my mind as I'm just sharing this with you. It's, it's really just coming from the top of my mind and I love sharing with you so openly and just reflecting with you because, yeah, it's just so powerful for me. So I hope that you're enjoying this podcast right now.
19:03 Jay Shetty? Actually, what I want you to do is take a screenshot of where you are right now and I want you to share your biggest takeaway so far. And I want you to write these notes down. I want you to get really, especially because we're at home now and we're not listening during commutes. I want you to get really with me in this podcast and, and, and learn with me. The third one, the third sign is you have different expectations. And usually it's that they have more and you have less, or you have more and they have less. And it's important to re-clarify expectations in a relationship that's new and evolving, or that's old and been around for some time. Because let's say, for example, how many of you remember the days when you were a teenager?
19:45 Jay Shetty? And you'd come home from school and be on MSN Messenger, you'd be on AOL Chat, or whatever it was that you used in your country, in your space, but you would just talk to people. Now, as we grow older, we may not speak to that friend as much as we did when we were younger. And some friends have that as an expectation. So some friends are gonna say, "Well, you've changed and we don't talk as much anymore, and you're not around anymore, and you're not reachable anymore, and you've changed." Now, what they're really saying is, "My expectation of you has stayed the same, and your expectation has changed." That's what they're actually saying. Or when you're saying it to someone, what you're saying is,
20:27 Jay Shetty? "My expectation of you is based on 50 years ago, and your expectation has changed." That's what they're really saying, right? If you really break it down, what is someone really trying to say? And this is a really important skill in a relationship is, when you hear someone speak, don't listen to what they're saying, listen to what they're actually trying to say, right? It's like, listen to what they're saying, but try to understand what they're actually trying to say. And it's not just reading in between the lines, it's so much more than that. It's really listening to the part of it that is not personal. When we take out the personal push in a statement,
21:11 Jay Shetty? we're able to look at it objectively. And when we can look at something objectively, we're able to respond rather than react. That's one of the biggest challenges in relationships. We look at everything personally, and so we react instead of responding, and we don't know how to actually clarify it effectively. So I want you to think about that. So what ends up happening is, you have different expectations, and they or you expect more or less from each other. And because you haven't reclarified that expectation, you're both on a different... I'm using the subscription analogy again. You're on a different subscription, right? It's like, it's like you joined the free trial, but now, seeing as you never checked how that free trial, how long it lasts for,
21:56 Jay Shetty? 30 days later, you're now on the full paid version, and now you have different expectations, right? It's that kind of process. So now you're looking at it from that perspective. So that's something that I really, really want you to think about, and really want you to realize, is that you don't want to get stuck in that space for too long.
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24:30 Jay Shetty? Now, this is point number four. They're always critical of you. There are people in our life who survive for so long and long overdue, and they're always critical of us, to our face and behind our back and about us in general. They're putting us down, they demean us, they're reminding us of our flaws. These are important people to have when it's constructive and when it's coming with some coaching and when it's coming with some calm and centeredness. That is so powerful to have in your life. You don't want to have a life full of yes people. You want to have a life full of yes and no people. You want to have a life full of, you know, people who are cheerleaders,
25:11 Jay Shetty? but people who are also coaches and people who are also constructive thinkers. But if someone is always critical of you, it is a sign that you need to let go of that relationship because that's obviously affecting your self-worth. It's affecting, you know, your self-belief. And, and that's something that you don't want to let someone impact over a long period of time. Now, the one, two, three, four, fifth reason. This is so, so interesting because I think so many people struggle with this. Literally, so many of you are going to nod your heads right now when I drop this fifth one. And, and I want you to write down if this is a big one for you. And I want you to share it on Instagram stories as well and Twitter if this is something for you.
25:56 Jay Shetty? So just listen to this. You are scared before you messes them because of how they'll react or perceive stuff, right? So imagine you're on a group chat with this person. They share some good news or some bad news and you are so scared. You are overthinking how you respond. You are completely overwhelmed by this and you are thinking about it the whole day and you're quizzing yourself on how do you respond in a way that doesn't make them feel good or bad or ruin it? Or you're scared of upsetting them and you're scared of pushing a button or whatever? How many of you have been in this position before? You are scared and fearful in this relationship. When you're scared and fearful in this relationship, what do you think that seed grows? If your seed is fear, what do you think will grow?
26:41 Jay Shetty? If your seed is fear, your tree will be anxiety and your fruit will be stress.
26:53 Jay Shetty? Think about that. If your seed is fear, your tree will be anxiety and your fruit will be stress. That's literally what happens. When we plant the seed of fear, the tree of anxiety grows and we then receive the fruit of stress. That's literally what we're doing. Whereas when a relationship is planted with the seed of love or trust or compassion or empathy or joy or connection, that's when the tree of a relationship grows and that's when the fruit of, you know, so much deep meaning and purpose comes from a relationship. And so you don't want to be that person who's scared of sending that message because you're wondering how that person's going to react and respond because that relationship's already gone to a point where you don't understand each other.
27:39 Jay Shetty? Now, this is number six. Sign number six is you feel you have to invite them to stuff, not that you want to invite them to stuff. This is so true for so many of us and we let this slide for many, many years. We let this go by for many, many years and we think it's fine and it's okay and it doesn't matter and, you know, all the rest of it, all the kind of stuff that we tell ourselves. But this literally goes on and on and on. You keep inviting them. Now, I've been in this position. I've invited people to birthdays, potentially even my wedding, like, and, and you just, you're just like, why am I doing this to myself?
28:21 Jay Shetty? Like, why am I creating energy for myself that I don't want to do? And again, you feel obligated. You feel obligated because you haven't clarified expectations. You haven't, you know, recognized that they're, they may not be good for you. And, and this is one of the biggest challenges that we continue to do this one. And this is one that goes on for people's lifetimes, like, and then when you're at your party or you're at your celebration, you're worried about how they're feeling and you're worried about how they're going to share it afterwards. You're worried about how they're going to talk about it to people and then you don't even enjoy what you want to enjoy. Put your hand up right now if you've ever felt this. Put your hand up right now if you have ever felt this. I've felt this, right?
29:04 Jay Shetty? These are all signs and, and why am I giving you these signs? Because I want you to be able to make the decision as to whether someone should stay or can't stay in your life, right? That's what you have to think about. And we're only going to understand that, we're only going to understand that if, if we reflect on it, if we take the courage. Now, the seventh and final reason, or signal, or sign, is you don't think of them when you have good news. When you have good news to share, or bad news for that matter, they're not someone you instantly think that you want to share it with. Now, that may not be true for everyone, because you know, your best news, you don't share
29:48 Jay Shetty? with the whole world, you're not thinking anymore. And maybe you did once, that's maybe what applies here more as a sign, is that at one point in time, that person was your go-to, and at this point in time, you would never go to them.
30:02 Jay Shetty? Think about that. At one point in time, they were your go-to, and at this point in time, you would never go to them. And that's hard to experience, but it's a reality, right? It's a reality, it's a hard to experience, but it's a reality, and it's a good sign that you need to let go of relationships. Now, one of the things that we, we call it a breakup, and we call all relationships breakups, but the reason why I find that term so perplexing is that you can't break something that's already broken. It's like what I'm going to share with you now are steps to finally break off a broken relationship, right? It's already broken, we call it a breakup, but it's already broken, and the steps I'm
30:43 Jay Shetty? going to share with you now are just steps to finally break off that already broken relationship. So if the first seven signs got you to a point where you're like, okay, I acknowledge that this relationship is just lurking, it's lingering, and, and you may be thinking right now, you're like, Jay, but actually it's not causing any issues, I can just leave it there, sure, that's fine, right? If it's not really causing you any issues, of course it can carry on. But if when you were reflecting with me through the seven things, you acknowledged that these were really powerful, painful things, then these next five steps are really, really important to you. And at least it's good to know them, because you may have friends who are in similar situations. So these are the steps that I want you to think about as we move forward.
31:27 Jay Shetty? So the first thing you want to do is you don't want to tell everyone. Right? You don't want to go and tell everyone that you're about to break off this relationship and that it's been really toxic and speak bad about that person because maybe there was a time when it wasn't like that. So that's the first thing. Don't tell everyone, but tell a couple of really close people that are actually going to give you an honest conversation about this with you. Right? You want to find out and do your almost research from the people you know and trust and maybe even know you both on how that person's actually feeling, how you're feeling, and what truth is in that. So you want to do that reset stage. So you don't want to tell everyone, but you want to focus on a couple of people.
32:08 Jay Shetty? The second is, you want to reflect on what you deeply gained from that relationship. Because no matter how much you think you lost, no matter how hurtful it was, no matter how much pain it is, you want to take those lessons forward. Because I promise you that that person has given you a gift that you may lose if you don't take this step. And often when we lose people, we also lose the lessons they taught us. But the best thing when you lose people is to remember and learn the lessons they taught us. Right? You don't just want to let go of the lessons. You can let go of a person, but don't let go of the lessons because those lessons are going to be useful in the future. Don't treat them that way. Right? So reflect on what you gained. It could be a lesson. It could be a piece of advice.
32:52 Jay Shetty? It could be a connection. This is one thing we forget. We forget the people that introduced us to the people we love. So often what happens is someone introduces you to someone, you fall in love with the person they introduced you, but you forgot the person who introduced that relationship. And often those are the people that eventually may not be people in our lives. So it's really important to think about, what did I gain from this person? Was it advice? Was it insight? Was it a connection? Was it financial support? Was it help in my toughest times? And really honor them for that. Not only in your mind, but also in this conversation that you will end up having with them, this difficult conversation. It's so important to honor them. So important to honor them and the greatness they brought into your life.
33:37 Jay Shetty? Because at one point, the reason why they are in your life is because at one point they brought value into it. And when you don't see something as value anymore, right? If you don't see something as valuable anymore, and therefore you don't give it any value anymore, that doesn't, you know, that doesn't ever feel good for them or for you. It's not a good habit for you. Now, the third stage is you want to reflect on what you lost. So you also wanna reflect on like what you feel you lost by being in this relationship. Maybe it's your self-worth, maybe it's your belief. And of course, remember, no one can take away your self-worth or your belief. But you may have started to doubt yourself because of the criticism. You may have lost time, you may have lost energy. Of course, you need to also know this side because this is what's pushing you in the direction of making this decision. Fourthly, I want you to reflect on your shortcomings.
34:22 Jay Shetty? Right, I want you to reflect on the things that you actually got wrong in the relationship. Right, what were the mistakes you made? And you know, what were the challenges? What were the, you know, what were the things that you did that you knew you could have improved better? Because guess what? If you don't learn them right now, you're gonna make the same mistakes again. You're gonna be in this situation again in 12 months with someone else. And you don't wanna do that, right? You don't wanna keep creating this for your life. So you really wanna reflect on your own challenges and shortcomings and, and the mistakes that you've made in the process so that you can remember those. And now, the fifth is make your decision, but set a deadline. This is one of my favorite pieces of advice. I do it myself all the time.
35:07 Jay Shetty? If I have to have a difficult conversation, I set a deadline. If you don't set a deadline, you're never gonna have that difficult conversation. So you make your decision about what you're gonna, you know, that you wanna make this move, that you think this person needs to, you know, kinda be cleansed or, or moved on from your life. But in a nice way, in an empathetic, in a compassionate, in a loving way. But you wanna set a deadline. If you don't set a deadline, it's never gonna happen. You know, right now, you maybe think, Jay, this is hurtful. How can I cut people out of my life? You're not cutting people out of your life. Like, you're having the conversation that resets expectations. That's how you have to see it. You have to be honest about what you can truly give in a relationship. There's no point of you committing and saying yes to everything to feel good and look good and then not actually live up to it. And that's literally what 99% of us do.
35:51 Jay Shetty? We say what we think people want to hear. We agree with what we think people want us to agree with, but then we don't do it. And that is what makes, actually, that's what breaks a relationship is a lack of the same expectations. Right, so you make your decision and you set a deadline. Sometimes I set a deadline even sooner because I just know that I need to do it while I'm really strongly feeling this. But remember, you have to be in the right set of mind. When you're setting a deadline, you have to remember, you have to be calm. You want to be in a position where you've reflected on it. You want to have all your information. You don't want to do it in the mode of passion, in this breakout moment, in this reactive moment.
36:34 Jay Shetty? And finally, step six, which I'm adding on, is you need to script your last conversation. You want to script what you're going to say to this person. And you want to voice note it to yourself and listen to it and ask yourself, would I understand that if someone said that to me? Would I be able to digest that if someone said that to me? Would that feel right? And what you may realize in this process is not only do you get more confidence in what you need to say, you also gain more clarity on the things that don't need to be said. So when you reflect about what you want to say to someone, you get confidence for what you definitely want to say, and you get clarity on the things that don't need to be said as well. And then, of course, the next step is you want to schedule that conversation with them.
37:19 Jay Shetty? And it's never going to go by the script. But you want to make sure that you do one thing. You want to have that conversation with all the integrity, all the compassion, and all the empathy and love that you possibly can. Because that way, you'll never regret that conversation. You will never regret a conversation or a relationship where you led with love, where you conversed with compassion, and where you connected with empathy. Right? You won't regret that. You will regret a conversation where you spoke in anger, where you reacted with erratic emotion.
38:02 Jay Shetty? And so do it in a way that you'll be proud. And I want to end with this, something that I've been reflecting on and writing, is that a real relationship has disagreements, but it doesn't have drama. A real relationship has pain, but it has no games. A real relationship has limitations, but it has no lies. And a real relationship has stress, but it has no shame. If you're experiencing a relationship with drama, games, lies, or shame, those are great signs and signals.
38:44 Jay Shetty? If it has disagreements, pain, limitations and stress, that's pretty normal. I really hope that today's podcast episode has helped. This has been one of my favorite ones that I've recorded. Please pass this on. Share the best insights from this podcast that you have learned and gained on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, on YouTube, on everywhere. And please, please, please pass this along to a friend. I want the On Purpose community to keep growing. If these podcasts are making a difference in your life, pass them on, share them with the people you love. Help them help more people. Thank you so much, everyone, for joining today. I am so, so grateful to connect with you. Thank you for being an On Purpose listener. You are part of the family. I can't wait till I can tour and we can do these live. I'm so excited to meet so many of you.
39:29 Jay Shetty? Thank you for listening to On Purpose. My name's Jay Shetty and I'll see you again next week for an incredible guest. I can't wait for you to hear it. Thank you so much.
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