580 How to Set Boundaries to Build Thriving Relationships with Chris Lee

“CREATING BOUNDARIES IS NOT ABOUT CREATING A WALL, IT'S CREATING AN AGREEMENT.” There’s a lot going on in this world lately, with relationships being violated. We’re seeing it daily with the #MeToo movement, and so many people in Hollywood coming forward. Problems aren’t just occurring in intimate relationships, but in business, family, friendships, and so on. Almost all of this stems from boundaries being crossed. Boundaries are something that we all need to create and stand by. But we can’t just create them, we need to communicate them. We need to make sure the people in our lives are clear about our boundaries, and express ourselves the moment that they are crossed. You are a beautiful person, and worth the best - so make sure others are aware of that. I know it’s hard, and that you probably worry about being fired or losing someone close to you. You can’t be, because that job or that relationship isn’t make you happy. Losing it will open you up to new possibilities. The worst-case scenario about expressing and honouring your barriers is that things will get better - even if it means moving on. On this episode, we are joined again by the amazing Chris Lee. Chris has been on my show more than anyone else, a total of 13 times since episode 36. Each time we have him on the air he gives amazing insights, and he has been by my side through some amazing transformations. He’s helped me come out about my past, and build better and stronger relationships in all aspects of my live. Chris is a man on a mission committed to transforming the world one heart at a time. Chris Lee has spent over 25 years of his life transforming the lives of thousands of people worldwide through his workshops, coaching, and participation in all media, teaching people how to live an abundant prosperous life. He joins us today to give insights on how to increase yourself worth, learn to set boundaries, and how to build the most important relationship - with yourself on Episode 580. Some Questions I Ask: How do we take responsibility for the relationships we want? (12:34) What are things people can do to develop self-worth? (14:51) Should we write down our relationship goals? (19:10) What if you’re in a relationship with a bully or a decision maker? (23:34) Would you say someone who does not create boundaries is saying they don’t value their self-worth? (29:23) Why is it such a big fear for us to lose someone? (37:32) Why are we so afraid to be alone? (45:05) In This Episode You Will Learn: The importance of boundaries in a relationship (10:07) How to tell if a boundary is being crosses (12:02) Why you need a vision about your self-worth (18:28) How to make the requests you need to make (20:03) The reasons you should listen to other’s requests (23:11) The kind of relationships you should be working towards (27:00) How the environment affects self worth (31:30) Why you need to learn to forgive (41:20) Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 580 with transformational coach, Chris Lee. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:32Lewis Howes?

  Martin Heidegger said, "A boundary is not that at which something stops, but that from which something begins." Welcome to today's episode. You are a beautiful, powerful gift and a force in this world. And I hope you know this, you are truly an inspiration, a one of a kind. And it's your duty to go out there and do something great today. Today, we have Chris Lee, who is the transformational facilitator, coach, author, and TV personality that I've worked with for the last few years. And for over 30 years, he has traveled the world, teaching and empowering people, including world business leaders,

• 1:16Lewis Howes?

  Hollywood celebrities, et cetera, to live an extraordinary life. He's been on the podcast, this will be his 13th time as well. He's one of the biggest hits. People love him. We keep bringing him back on because he continues to deliver such inspiring, useful, helpful content. And he is coming back with a vengeance today to bring more inspiration. And some of the things we talk about are how to tell if there's a boundary that's being crossed in your relationships, whether it be personal or business. Also, ways to build your self-worth. People ask me this all the time. They say they don't have self-worth or the value in themselves. And Chris covers on some key ways to build that self-worth.

• 2:01Lewis Howes?

  Also, how to make a request of your partner, how to negotiate to create boundaries that work for both people in a relationship. Also, what false rewards are, and how to stop seeking them in relationships. And how forgiveness impacts your self-worth. This is a profound and powerful episode. Make sure to take a screenshot right now while you're listening and tag me. At Lewis Howes and Chris Motivador over on Instagram and Twitter and share this out. The link is lewishouse.com/580 to share this out to people. Again, how to set boundaries to build thriving relationships. This is a very hot topic right now and not

• 2:44Lewis Howes?

  that one that I've seen talked about really out there at all. So hopefully you guys get a lot out of this. Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. And I want to give a shout out quickly to the fan of the week. Every week we talk about those that are listening to the podcast that are getting incredible transformation and impact and inspiration and applying it in their lives. So this one's from Mallory Devonna, who said, "I travel a lot for work and this podcast is by far my favorite to listen to. If you're looking for real, raw, and relatable content that you can instantly add to your life, this is it. The value and honesty that pours through the speakers makes me want to dig deep and improve my own life. This podcast is highly recommended."

• 3:29Lewis Howes?

  So Mallory, thank you so much for leaving your review. And if you guys want a chance to be shouted out on the podcast, just go to iTunes, type in the School of Greatness podcast, or go to your podcast app that you're listening to right now and leave a review right on your phone. And I am super pumped for this one. It's all about building those boundaries so you can have more thriving relationships. Again, without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only, Chris Lee. Welcome back and morning to the School of Greatness podcast. We have none other than Chris Lee on the podcast for the 13th time. Oh, my gosh. Lucky 13. Lucky 13.

• 4:13Lewis Howes?

  Super excited. The first time you came on was episode 30. Wow. Something like that, around episode 30. It's now... And the the far 500s, I think this will be number five. Really? Seventy something. Five seventy something? Five hundred seventy, five hundred eighty something. From thirty to five something. It's crazy. And this will be the 13th time you've been on. So welcome back to the podcast. Has anybody else been on 13 times? No, I think three, maybe four, a couple of people, two, three. So you're the most, most downloaded, most everything. I'm proud. Over a million. You've impacted millions of people's lives who listen. That's why I do this. It's inspiring. Because I love your audience.

• 4:53Lewis Howes?

  Yes. And for those that don't know, Chris, he's been doing transformational work for 30 years now, 29, 30 plus. Thirty plus. Thirty plus years, working in intensive workshop style, three, four, five day experiences from early morning to late night, helping people break through their biggest barriers, blocks that hold them back from having intimate relationships, feeling healthy, happy, achieving their dreams. Fulfilled. Feeling fulfilled, really tapping into the inner blocks, the mental blocks, the emotional blocks that hold us back from being able to connect on deeper levels and achieve the things we want in life. Right? Right.

• 5:31Lewis Howes?

  That's the main thing. You helped me tremendously facilitate an experience where I opened up for the first time about being sexually abused. As a man, I was a boy when I was a kid, which went on a whole path of me talking about another podcast, writing a book that talks more about just the the topics of men and the stresses that men face. You've seen a lot of men go through challenging experiences and help them break through a lot of things that hold men back. And there's just this space in the world right now with the Me Too situation and a time where people don't know how to set boundaries. Right.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  And people are feeling taken advantage of, men taking advantage of women that work with them or in Hollywood, things like that. People in positions of power. Power. Abusing their power. Yes. Relationships, personality types. Yes. I mean, and this is goes to all genders. I think women sometimes will take advantage of men in relationships. And, you know, where men don't feel like they're able to do certain things as well. So I think it's not just only men who are. Hurting women, that's what we're seeing in the Me Too scenario where there's not boundaries that have been met or been set clearly because of fear and other things like that, but I think.

• 6:49Chris Lee?

  Or boundaries get, maybe they've been set and they've been violated.

• 6:52Lewis Howes?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 6:53Chris Lee?

  And so it's, it's really about being conscious of those boundaries and being willing to take a stand for yourself.

• 7:01Lewis Howes?

  Scary to sometimes, huh?

• 7:03Chris Lee?

  Very scary.

• 7:04Lewis Howes?

  Especially when in Hollywood, you see some men who are the decision makers for your livelihood, for your dreams.

• 7:11Chris Lee?

  For your dream, for what you've dreamt of your entire life.

• 7:14Lewis Howes?

  And one person holds the keys.

• 7:15Chris Lee?

  And one person holds the key and if you don't do what they say, they could blow it up.

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, very scary.

• 7:21Chris Lee?

  Because at the end of the day, it goes right back down to what's your value?

• 7:26Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 7:27Chris Lee?

  And how you value yourself.

• 7:30Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 7:31Chris Lee?

  And we'll go into that in detail, but.

• 7:33Lewis Howes?

  So for those that don't know, Chris, he's worked with hundreds of thousands of people in intimate settings with these workshops and helped them unlock, tap into the things that are holding them back so they can achieve what they want and have more fulfillment in their lives, whether relationships, business, spirituality, their health, their career, everything. So it's good to have you back.

• 7:52Chris Lee?

  It's great to be back.

• 7:53Lewis Howes?

  You've been coaching me for four years in the process.

• 7:56Chris Lee?

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:57Lewis Howes?

  You know, when I go on, on a big stage, when I'm producing a big event, media, I'll call you and ask for feedback and just to get grounded, so.

• 8:05Chris Lee?

  Yeah, and if you've got something that's blocking you.

• 8:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 8:09Chris Lee?

  We talk about it.

• 8:10Lewis Howes?

  Just every other month.

• 8:11Chris Lee?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 8:12Lewis Howes?

  Because the work doesn't.

• 8:13Chris Lee?

  Well, you're somebody, you coach a lot of people, you empower a lot of people, you facilitate a lot, and so it's important to have an objective person that could support you, and that's me.

• 8:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 8:23Chris Lee?

  And, and, you know, and that's awesome, it's fun.

• 8:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Today, we're talking about how to create powerful, extraordinary relationships in your personal life and your business life by creating boundaries. And now, do you think you can have extraordinary relationships if you don't have boundaries?

• 8:40Chris Lee?

  No.

• 8:41Lewis Howes?

  So boundaries are a necessary key in order to be.

• 8:44Chris Lee?

  Boundaries are a critical key to have successful relationships.

• 8:48Lewis Howes?

  Why is that?

• 8:49Chris Lee?

  Because if there aren't boundaries, you lose trust. You lose trust, you undermine the relationship.

• 8:58Chris Lee?

  Then you have a resentment and an anger experience between two people that is unnecessary. You know, the key to a relationship is communication. One of the keys to communication is being able to express what you need, what works, what doesn't work. And if I don't express what works for me and what doesn't work for me, and you don't honor that, then our relationship is undermined.

• 9:26Lewis Howes?

  Lose the trust.

• 9:27Chris Lee?

  And if you don't know what my boundaries are, then you might cross them without me knowing it.

• 9:33Lewis Howes?

  And there might be resentment there.

• 9:34Chris Lee?

  Without you knowing it, and then I could get mad because you didn't read my mind.

• 9:37Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right. Yeah, exactly.

• 9:38Chris Lee?

  Right, because that happens a lot too.

• 9:40Lewis Howes?

  It's resentful that you, why didn't you already understand?

• 9:41Chris Lee?

  Well, you should have known that.

• 9:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's the worst, right?

• 9:45Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 9:45Lewis Howes?

  And I think guys get that in relationships. Where it's like the woman says, you know, not all the time, but then sometimes it happens where, be careful of my words here.

• 9:54Chris Lee?

  Be careful.

• 9:55Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Where it's like, well, why didn't you just know?

• 9:58Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 9:58Lewis Howes?

  How am I supposed to know? You didn't tell me anything.

• 9:59Chris Lee?

  Well, we all think differently. We all have different personality types. We have different strengths, weaknesses. And what's easy for some people might not be easy for other people. So I think that one of the ways that we could serve your audience and our audience is by coaching them on how to set healthy boundaries.

• 10:17Lewis Howes?

  Awesome.

• 10:17Chris Lee?

  And how to create relationships that work and avoid unnecessary drama.

• 10:23Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. Relationships that work and that thrive, that continue to grow, right?

• 10:27Chris Lee?

  Yeah, because the idea of a relationship is joy and empowerment. And when I'm with you, I feel special, unique, and I feel like you're contributing to me. If you are in a relationship right now, and those of you listening, evaluate the question. If you're in a relationship right now and thinking of that person causes you anxiety or stress or fear or discomfort, then most likely there's a boundary being crossed. It's really your job to take responsibility for the relationships that you want.

• 11:05Lewis Howes?

  So how do we take responsibility?

• 11:08Chris Lee?

  Well, the first step, so let's go through some steps here.

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 11:11Chris Lee?

  The first step in creating extraordinary personal and business relationships by creating those boundaries is getting clear about your own worth. If my self-worth is dependent on you, then I don't have a relationship.

• 11:27Lewis Howes?

  Dependent on what? How you, what you do for me, or how you treat me, or how, what you say to me?

• 11:31Chris Lee?

  Yeah, how you treat me, that you like me, that you're nice to me, that you're in a good mood, that my joy and well-being has everything to do with you, meaning if I lose you, I have nothing. And so if my self-worth is based on whether you like me or not, or whether you're in a relationship with me or not, then there's no relationship.

• 11:56Lewis Howes?

  You're gonna be up and down constantly then.

• 11:58Chris Lee?

  Right, because there's gonna be a hole that nothing's gonna fill. And so that's why I say, put your oxygen mask on first. That means the most important priority in your relationship is not your significant other, it's not your boss, it's not your children, it's not your brother, your sister, mom, dad, you are the most important relationship. So taking care of you, developing your self-worth, the more value you see in yourself, the easier it will be to set boundaries. One of the reasons why we don't set boundaries is because we're afraid of losing something. Like if I'm honest with you, that I want X, Y, and Z, and that that's not negotiable

• 12:42Chris Lee?

  for me, then I'm risking you saying, well, I don't want that. And so in many cases, if I have no self-worth, I'll stay quiet and I'll settle for what anything, you know, is given to me, or settle for a relationship that doesn't serve me. And that's why many of you listening, and I know it because you're right to me, are stuck in relationships that are dead end, or you're not happy, or you don't know how to get out of it, because you'd rather be in a miserable situation than alone.

• 13:12Chris Lee?

  But if I have self-worth and self-value, then I'm happy alone.

• 13:17Lewis Howes?

  If someone feels like they don't have self-worth, or they don't feel valuable within themselves, what are some things they could do to develop self-worth? To like, build that muscle?

• 13:27Chris Lee?

  Yes, one of the, that's a great question. Some of the things that people could do is take a moment to take inventory on their successes. What are things that you've accomplished that you're proud of? We don't highlight that enough. So make a list of five things that you're proud of.

• 13:46Lewis Howes?

  It can be small things too, right?

• 13:48Chris Lee?

  Yeah, I'm proud that I graduated high school or college. I'm proud that I completed the task. I'm proud that, you know, I got hired for this job. I'm proud, there's so many things that you could be proud of. You know, when you highlight the things you're proud of and highlight the things that you've accomplished, that builds your self-worth because, and your self-value. The more you value you, the higher your self-worth goes up.

• 14:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think also something for me, when I keep my word consistently.

• 14:18Chris Lee?

  Well, you just stole the next thing I was gonna say. Honoring my word, yes. Honoring my agreements, that's another thing that builds self-worth. There's nothing that undermines your self-worth, I just said this for five days.

• 14:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:31Chris Lee?

  Nothing's gonna undermine your self-worth more than breaking your agreements.

• 14:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and that could be as simple as, I'm gonna be on, you know, you have these five meetings today, you're five minutes early for each one, or you're always on time, and repeating that day after day.

• 14:45Chris Lee?

  Keeping your agreements to yourself, keeping your agreements to other people, acknowledging when you don't keep your agreement and taking responsibility for it, and cleaning it up, that's another thing that builds self-worth. And not just builds self-worth, it builds credibility. People trust you. That's another way of building self-worth.

• 15:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, builds credibility, integrity, all those things, yeah.

• 15:08Chris Lee?

  Yeah, completing, also creating goals and completing those.

• 15:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:12Chris Lee?

  That feels great.

• 15:14Lewis Howes?

  I always like to tell people to do like a seven day challenge for themselves. Like, if you feel unhealthy, then for seven days, I want you to move for thirty minutes a day.

• 15:22Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 15:23Lewis Howes?

  Schedule it in and complete it and tell me how you feel after seven days of doing one challenge. Or, I'm gonna have a smoothie every single day in the morning as opposed to

• 15:32Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 15:33Lewis Howes?

  maple syrup or something, you know what I mean, like on my pancakes.

• 15:35Chris Lee?

  I'm gonna shift my, my diet.

• 15:37Lewis Howes?

  One thing a day for seven days. And complete that challenge. You make your bed for seven days in a row.

• 15:43Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 15:43Lewis Howes?

  Do something small that you did it every single day and you can say, okay, I've built up the momentum.

• 15:48Chris Lee?

  Correct. Clean your house, clean your room. Another thing you could do is read a book. There's nothing more fulfilling than to know, I read this book. I read the whole book.

• 15:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:00Chris Lee?

  It feels good.

• 16:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:01Chris Lee?

  So there's many ways. Educate yourself, learn, develop your intellect, exercise.

• 16:08Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 16:09Chris Lee?

  Exercising, even if it's swimming or like you said, moving around or going for a walk. Just commit yourself to a thirty minute walk every day. Meditation builds self-worth.

• 16:19Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 16:21Chris Lee?

  You know, so there's many ways to build your self-worth. But the most important thing I would say about self-worth is highlighting your value. Highlighting not only your accomplishments, but also your blessings. What are the things that you're blessed with? When you count your blessings, like I'm so blessed that I'm alive, I'm blessed that I could see, I'm blessed that I have you in my life, I'm blessed because of the friends I have, I'm blessed that my mom's still alive. When you start seeing life as a blessing versus a have to, and I know we've talked about this in the past, that also develops your self-worth. And once you've got your self-worth and you're clear about your value, then the second step would be to create a clear vision for your relationships.

• 17:06Chris Lee?

  What kind of relationship do you want with your boss, with your employees, with your husband, with your wife? The clearer we are about what we want in our relationships and how we want those relationships to look, then it will be a lot easier to make the, and create the boundaries.

• 17:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:26Chris Lee?

  Versus just going to it blind.

• 17:28Lewis Howes?

  How should we create that vision? Should it be something where you journal and write down and actually say this is the vision? These are the type of things I want to experience in these relationships and business and personal. Should we write them down? Is it more just like a mindful thing?

• 17:40Chris Lee?

  I think journaling, but I don't really, I don't do that for every relationship. I just kind of have a mindset of where do I want my friendship to go?

• 17:47Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 17:48Chris Lee?

  What's acceptable in this friendship? What's not acceptable in the friendship? So part of the vision is to be clear about what are the things that I want? What are the things that work for me? Being clear about that. Journaling always helps. Like I'm, I'm a journal freak, so I recommend people journaling. And you journal about your vision. It makes it concrete in front of you. Some people are very visual and they like to see in front of them.

• 18:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:12Chris Lee?

  So being clear about what it is that you want in the relationship? How you want the relationship to look? And what's going to work? What's not going to work? And so, once you are clear about that, then you've got a clear set guide to guide you through in creating those boundaries.

• 18:29Lewis Howes?

  Got it, got it. Okay, so create the vision for your relationships. That's step two. Step three?

• 18:34Chris Lee?

  Is make the requests that you need to make. So, once we're in a relationship, then it's important to make a request. And also, I would say step three and four are back and forth. Make a promise. So, what you could count on from me is this, this, and this. What I request from you is this, this, and this.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. Can you give me an example?

• 18:58Chris Lee?

  For example?

• 18:59Lewis Howes?

  In an intimate relationship?

• 19:00Chris Lee?

  So, count on me to be faithful and loyal and count on me to respect you. And count on me to keep my word to you that when I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. I'm going to return phone calls. Count on me that I will be on time. So, you're just establishing in that relationship, the context, the environment of that relationship. And then, so you're letting somebody know what you're going to give. And at the same time, then you can make the requests. You can't make a request without offering something.

• 19:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Chris Lee?

  It can't like, it can't be, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, I want you to do this, this, this and this, and then nothing for me. So making the request, I think is very important, being clear about requests, but first, what can you be counted on? So step three is making a promise, declaring what it is that you're going to give to that relationship. And what's gonna, what you're gonna be counted on for. And I don't think we do that enough. I think we assume, we take for granted, and that could also be in a work environment. You know, you can meet with your boss, hey, my vision for our relationship in this situation is that a relationship of respect, a relationship that we're gonna grow together.

• 20:19Chris Lee?

  And what I promise you is I'm gonna keep my word, I'm gonna be on time, and et cetera, et cetera. Step four is the request. What is it that you want that for you is not negotiable? So my request, if we're in an intimate, loving relationship, because I assert that a lot of people in relationships are like buzzing right now, like, yeah. So if I was in an intimate, loving relationship with you, I would make the promises of the things that you could count on for me, but I'm gonna say, and here basically are my requests. And the requests are the boundaries. When you make a request, you're creating the boundaries.

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  That's the boundaries, yeah.

• 20:58Chris Lee?

  So what I'm requesting is that you don't disrespect me, that you don't hit me, that you don't force me to do something I don't wanna do, that you respect my time with my friends, that you keep your word to me. We make a promise to never go to bed mad. That when we have an issue, we talk about it. So the request could be as long as you want them to be.

• 21:23Lewis Howes?

  And those set the boundaries, that sounds, that's the ground rules for the relationship essentially.

• 21:27Chris Lee?

  Those are the non-negotiable boundaries. And so, once you have made your promises and you've made your requests, then you flip it over and step number five is to hear their requests. And what can they be counted on for? So what can I count on from you and what do you request of me? So then when I hear from you in the relationship or in the friendship or whatever the situation is, what are those requests that you have? What can I count on from you?

• 22:02Lewis Howes?

  What if it's a situation like the me too situation right now in Hollywood where there's like a bully who's in you're in a relationship with. It's your boss or it's like this executive who's got decision making over your dreams, right? And you can't really go to this person and say, here's my request. You know, what do you, how do you deal with that in a situation? Again, if it's a female with a male in power.

• 22:26Chris Lee?

  That's step number six.

• 22:28Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 22:28Chris Lee?

  It's called negotiation.

• 22:30Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 22:30Chris Lee?

  So once you hear back from them what their promises are, what their requests are, if there's a request that they're making that doesn't work for me, that I can negotiate it. And the negotiation would be like, you know what? That doesn't work for me, but what about this? So it's a subtle way of saying no, but you're not making them wrong. Now, if you need to say no, part of the negotiation can also be, no.

• 23:00Lewis Howes?

  This is a clear boundary for me.

• 23:02Chris Lee?

  You are crossing the boundary.

• 23:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:05Chris Lee?

  But in the re- in the negotiation, it's being able to give and take and to communicate what it is that's gonna work, it's not gonna work. And so if in step five, you're promising, you are promising to me and making certain requests of me that maybe your promises work, but the requests don't work for me, then I gotta be able to say no or renegotiate. And so when you say no or you renegotiate, you're honoring your boundaries. And if that person doesn't want to honor that boundary, then you gotta be willing to walk away.

• 23:48Lewis Howes?

  That's hard for someone.

• 23:48Chris Lee?

  And that's the hardest thing to do.

• 23:50Lewis Howes?

  If there's like an actor who has a dream and there's someone who's like holding the keys, it's hard to be like, I'm gonna walk away from my dream.

• 23:58Chris Lee?

  Right, but you go back to step one, which is self-worth. And what self-worth, you know what, I don't, I, I am powerful enough.

• 24:06Lewis Howes?

  I don't need this one person.

• 24:07Chris Lee?

  To create what I need to create in my life.

• 24:09Lewis Howes?

  I'll go create my own movie, I'll go create my own show, I'll go do, I'll find another partner.

• 24:13Chris Lee?

  And that has happened time and time again. I can tell you stories of people that I know that have walked away. I, I, I won't tell you who because of confidentiality, but people that I've coached in business, in Hollywood.

• 24:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:24Chris Lee?

  In sports, in politics, that they have walked away from a situation.

• 24:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:29Chris Lee?

  And they were willing to give the whole thing up because they had self-worth.

• 24:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I think ten, twenty years ago, it was a lot more challenging to do that. So for a lot of people, there probably wasn't these other options like there is now, where there's multiple different networks you can work with. Where there's, you can do GoFundMe pages and raise money in different ways.

• 24:50Chris Lee?

  For your film.

• 24:51Lewis Howes?

  For your film, like in that, in the Hollywood space.

• 24:54Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 24:54Lewis Howes?

  So I feel like now there's a lot more options, whereas maybe ten, twenty years ago, it was a few people kind of holding the keys. And then it might have been a lot more challenging to be creative, to define your self-worth.

• 25:06Chris Lee?

  Absolutely, much more challenging, yeah.

• 25:08Lewis Howes?

  And enrolling a lot more other people to, to make this happen.

• 25:11Chris Lee?

  And more isolated and less communication available, there wasn't social media.

• 25:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 25:16Chris Lee?

  There wasn't all the ways that we can connect with each other.

• 25:20Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 25:20Chris Lee?

  And nowadays, there's a lot of vehicles, a lot of outlets to actually pursue your dream. There's YouTube, there's social media, and you know more about that than I do.

• 25:29Lewis Howes?

  Millions of networks now, yeah, exactly.

• 25:30Chris Lee?

  There's different networks, but I would say that in most of the case, in a severe case, people are gonna violate that. But in the case of a relationship of two people or a business partnership that wanna work together, you're gonna create a joyful experience because people are gonna appreciate that you're being honest.

• 25:50Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 25:51Chris Lee?

  And so in most cases, what it does is that it builds relationship. Now I know I could count on from you.

• 25:57Lewis Howes?

  It builds respect as well.

• 25:59Chris Lee?

  And what to expect, and then now you know what you can count on from me. And if you're making a request that doesn't work for me, then we negotiate it. Or I need to say no, I gotta be honest. And then negotiation can also be, no, but how about this? So no boss, I'm not gonna work overtime every day, but what about two days a week? Or no boss, I'm not gonna take on that project. But what about if I take that project on with somebody else? So when you negotiate and you're able to open that line of communication and you're able to set those boundaries, then what you have is respect and what you have is a connection.

• 26:39Chris Lee?

  Because a lot of relationships blow up because Partner A has a vision and Partner B has a different vision. And then Partner A has an expectation that Partner B is not meeting. And then instead of communicating to each other, they tell their friends about how miserable they are. And their friends basically validate it and it creates a bigger wedge. And if you look at your relationships and the relationships that you've been in and that I've been in, I could tell you that creating boundaries, even as a parent with a child,

• 27:18Chris Lee?

  creating a boundary with your children is very important because what happens is a lot of times, we don't think that we deserve to create boundaries or we don't think that we have a right to do that. And so back-

• 27:32Lewis Howes?

  As a parent?

• 27:33Chris Lee?

  As a parent, because we let our kids do what they want with us.

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  Walk all over them.

• 27:37Chris Lee?

  And I've coached a lot of parents that don't create boundaries. And creating boundary does not need to be a mean thing or a nasty thing. It's just expressing what is gonna work for you, what's not gonna work for you, what's negotiable, what's not negotiable.

• 27:54Lewis Howes?

  Would you say someone who does not create boundaries in a way that works for them is essentially saying they don't value their self-worth?

• 28:00Chris Lee?

  Absolutely.

• 28:02Lewis Howes?

  They say, "I'll just do whatever you want to me," then you're saying, "I'm not valuable."

• 28:06Chris Lee?

  Right, because we don't, because we don't think of ourselves. Most people think of taking care of their boss, taking care of their kids, taking care of their employees. It's like, let's say about an employee of yours that is overworked and they want a vacation, they haven't had a vacation, but they have no self-worth, they're not gonna dare say to you, "I need time off." Or maybe they're underpaid and they feel underpaid and given the market, the comparables, they're not gonna come up to you and say, "You know what? I'd like a raise."

• 28:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 28:36Chris Lee?

  So creating boundaries is not about creating walls. It's a create, it's creating an agreement. And also, when you create a boundary, you gotta be clear that you're negotiating. So it's not just, it's this or this.

• 28:50Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 28:51Chris Lee?

  In some cases, there are some boundaries that can't be crossed. I've been in offices where the boss would scream at their employees. And I'm sure you've walked into offices where there was that type A aggressive alpha boss that would like, his way of getting things done would be screaming at the employees. And clearly, not a single employee in that office has set that boundary called, "You don't get to scream at me."

• 29:20Lewis Howes?

  Well, they might get fired. Who knows?

• 29:23Chris Lee?

  Right. But I'd rather, I'd rather, I'd rather, if I go back to self-worth.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 29:29Chris Lee?

  And I get, you know what, I'd rather not work in this company and be unemployed than to be with somebody who's abusing me. And when you have self-worth and self-value, then you know that no matter what happens, you're gonna be okay. Because you gotta have faith in yourself and trust yourself and know that you deserve to have the best of the life that you want.

• 29:51Lewis Howes?

  There may be uncertainty and challenge and, and some struggles if you make that decision to, to jump out of that relationship, whether business or personal, but hopefully, long-term, it'll pay off because you had value in your self-worth.

• 30:04Chris Lee?

  Well, to me, everything is environment. And so, the environment, and we talk about this a lot in these podcasts, the mindset that you are generates a frequency. That frequency that we are creates a result. And so, my mindset is, I'm gonna tolerate abuse, I'm gonna tolerate sexual aggression, I'm gonna tolerate my, my boyfriend hitting me, or my partner invading my emails and checking my phones and, and just doing what they want with me, or my kids running around the house wild and destroying and putting their hand in a jar of peanut butter and putting peanut butter all over the walls. And I've seen that situation, where they don't create boundaries.

• 30:49Chris Lee?

  If I allow that as a mindset, even if I have a job, a relationship, and all of the results, I'm miserable.

• 30:58Chris Lee?

  And so how much value do you put on your happiness and your joy and your worth? And so that's gotta be a non-negotiable for you. If your happiness is non-negotiable and your joy is non-negotiable and your well-being is non-negotiable, then you've got to learn to set boundaries. And setting boundaries is saying to somebody, I respect me and I respect you. And it's not just about me setting boundaries with you, it's also about asking you, what are your boundaries? What do you need? Think of all the unnecessary drama that will get spared by being able to do this.

• 31:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Be a lot more harmonious in relationships.

• 31:41Chris Lee?

  Have you ever been in a relationship in the past where there wasn't a boundary and it got crossed in any way?

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, yeah. Both sides, you know? I've probably crossed boundaries many times, but I've also felt when I set.

• 31:53Chris Lee?

  And when you have, how's that feel?

• 31:56Lewis Howes?

  Doesn't feel good.

• 31:57Chris Lee?

  No, but when you do set the boundary, it's respected.

• 31:59Lewis Howes?

  When I cross the boundary, it doesn't feel good.

• 32:00Chris Lee?

  When you do, it doesn't feel good to you or your significant other, your friends or whatever.

• 32:05Lewis Howes?

  When it's set and we both have a clear understanding and communication and awareness, then it feels like peace. It feels like harmony, it feels graceful.

• 32:14Chris Lee?

  It rescues the relationship.

• 32:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it does.

• 32:16Chris Lee?

  It recharges it.

• 32:18Lewis Howes?

  There's a respect, there's a level of like love and support that it didn't have before.

• 32:24Chris Lee?

  I had a boss once that the way he would communicate to me and to the other people that where we worked would be screaming and loud and abusive and bad words and everybody put up with it. And I was feeling, and here's how you'll know, how you'll know, like how do you know if your boundaries are being crossed? I felt anxious in the relationship, I felt stressed, I felt sad and I felt angry. So there was resentment and there was anger. And when you think about work, especially work, you're at work more times than you are anywhere else. Some people spend most of their lives working. And so there I was 12 hours a day in an environment that I hated. And so I was a victim of it because I had

• 33:09Chris Lee?

  no self-worth. I was when you when you don't have self-worth, you're a victim. Yeah. I'm powerless. There's nothing I could do. This is the way it is. What you know, I just gotta grin and bear it. And I would have people in my life go, well, that's how it is. So they would they would support that. And they'd be like, you know, just that's part of the workplace. And then part of me went, you know what? No. And so it took a lot of self-worth and responsibility to go into that person's office, sit down with them and say, Look, my vision for our relationship and for my experience in the workplace is

• 33:51Chris Lee?

  a place of success and harmony and respect. And Calm communication. Calm communication. And I want to be able to be at peace here. And what you could count on for me is I'm going to keep my word and I'm going to do this, this and this. But my request is that when you communicate to me that you do it in a calm way, that you don't yell at me, that you don't use bad words with me, etc., etc. And can you accept that request? And he said, Wow, is that what I really do? Because a lot of times people aren't even aware. Yeah. And I'm like, Yeah, and it's gonna be unbearable for me. I won't be able to work here. And he said, Count on me. From that point forward, everything shifted.

• 34:35Chris Lee?

  That's great. Nice. I've also had friends cross boundaries that kept crossing them. They're not my friends anymore. Right. So you gotta be willing to say no. Enough is enough. You know, and so you gotta be willing to say no. Yeah. And the final step for me is appreciation.

• 34:54Chris Lee?

  Appreciation is, once we've established the new boundaries, what can be counted on, et cetera, et cetera, for me to acknowledge and appreciate the person I'm in a relationship for that. For honoring those boundaries? For honoring the boundaries, for honoring the relationship. Yeah. Letting that person know that I appreciate it and that they're appreciated. I think also appreciation goes a long way. We don't appreciate each other enough. We don't spend time acknowledging each other. And that's part of what will ensure that those boundaries are continuously honored. Hmm. And respected. The consistent appreciation of the small things as well.

• 35:38Chris Lee?

  So remember, they're shifting a behavior. So every time that behavior shifts, so every time my boss would come in and he'd be like, "Oh," and then he'd be calm, I'd be like, "Hey, thank you so much. I appreciate that you're honoring my boundary." That's great. You know, and I think that in a relationship that will also serve. What are people afraid of in relationships a lot that you see? What's the biggest fear? Their biggest fear is losing the other person. Their biggest fear is- Why is it such a big fear for us to lose someone? Because- Even if it's toxic? Because we don't want to be alone. Back to self-worth. Or do we think maybe we won't find someone who's good? We won't, because there's a re- Because there's probably a reward.

• 36:21Chris Lee?

  Remember, for every negative behavior, there's a reward. Like what? A false reward. For example, let's say I don't want to lose a relationship and they're a nightmare, but they're awesome in bed. Yeah. I've been there before.

• 36:39Chris Lee?

  This is the best sex in the world. I can't, okay, I'll put up with being abused. And once a couple scratches around my body. A bruised eye, everybody. A bruised eye. Yeah, yeah. Or the person's powerful or famous and I'm so identified with as so-and-so's wife or so-and-so's husband. And so there's a lot of payoff to being, and I've seen this happen, I actually know a celebrity couple where the husband is basically miserable and the wife just walks all over him and disrespects him in public and is just rude and doesn't spend time with him. And he's actually a really good guy.

• 37:23Chris Lee?

  And the thing is that he won't break up with her because of the payoff, which is I'm married to so and so. And that opens the door to all these fabulous people and situations and et cetera. Fans and a lifestyle, et cetera, et cetera. So, or maybe, you know, the person's attached to the person financially. This guy pays my bills. Or kids or. You know, pays my bills and the house and, you know, there's always a, a reason that we are willing to put up with, with being in a situation that we weren't happy. I call it a false reward. Here's why it's a false reward. Because you could gain all those things without that person.

• 38:08Chris Lee?

  It goes back to self-worth. If you have a clarity that you have the power to create the life that you want, when you want, where you want, at whatever time you want, it's a question of finding the right combination within yourself, then you won't settle for less. And that's really my platform. I stand everywhere I go, whether it's a podcast, television, or a seminar, that we as human beings are born with infinite power. And we are born as a possibility and we are born unstoppable. And along the way, we start forgetting that and then we start settling.

• 38:49Chris Lee?

  And there's nothing worse than settling into a life you don't want to live. Because the reality of life is there's a beginning and there's an end.

• 39:00Chris Lee?

  And every moment we have could be the last moment. Why not be happy and joyful in every moment that we have? And if you're not, it's because you are making that choice. So when you set boundaries from a place called I have nothing to lose, then you do it with power.

• 39:21Chris Lee?

  Versus, uh, I'm afraid that if I say this, then you're not going to like it.

• 39:27Chris Lee?

  It also goes back to vision as well. My vision for the relationship is to be married and have kids and your visions to kinda hang out, then upfront, we're clear that our requests and our boundaries aren't gonna match.

• 39:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:41Chris Lee?

  So let's not waste each other's time.

• 39:43Lewis Howes?

  Right, yeah.

• 39:44Chris Lee?

  You know, so it's back to value. And I think that the reason why we have a hard time setting boundaries, we have a hard time being alone, is because we have something that we have not addressed, which is emptiness or a lack of self-worth. Another way to build your self-worth, of course, is to forgive, to let go, to let go of things from the past that are haunting you.

• 40:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:08Chris Lee?

  You know, as long as you have resentment or anger, that's gonna undermine your self-worth as well.

• 40:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and we did a whole episode on forgiveness.

• 40:16Chris Lee?

  Yes, yes, we did.

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  Power of forgiveness or how to forgive?

• 40:19Chris Lee?

  Yes.

• 40:19Lewis Howes?

  We'll have that linked up in the show notes.

• 40:21Chris Lee?

  Oh my god, the forgiveness episode is incredible.

• 40:24Lewis Howes?

  Because, what did you say when you, when you're holding on to something from the past of someone, and you're not forgiving them, you're actually hurting yourself?

• 40:32Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 40:33Lewis Howes?

  You're not hurting them.

• 40:34Chris Lee?

  When you don't forgive, basically what you're doing is you're keeping alive the hurt. So if I was sexually abused, and I don't forgive the abuser, which is a work you and I did together, then they keep abusing me. And so when I forgive the abuser, I'm not making it okay that he abused me or she abused me. When I forgive the abuser, I'm basically making a conscious decision to take my power back from them, and to use my power for something positive. Cause as long as I'm giving somebody anger, I'm giving them my energy, and energy is power. So forgiveness is not about the other person, it's really about you, and you know...

• 41:17Lewis Howes?

  It's not saying you need to say it's okay what someone did to you.

• 41:19Chris Lee?

  No.

• 41:20Lewis Howes?

  But it's letting it go so you can live in peace.

• 41:22Chris Lee?

  Correct.

• 41:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And I think, I wanna get the quote, I'm not sure what the exact quote is, it's of Martin Luther King Jr. said something around the, the fact that he doesn't get upset of people who would hate him and would get angry towards him, because he said, holding on to that anger would, and getting angry in return, meant that person had power over him.

• 41:42Chris Lee?

  It's the same thing I'm saying.

• 41:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:44Chris Lee?

  If I'm angry at you, or if I react to you, I'm giving you my power.

• 41:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Saying you have control over me, you have power over me, so I'm gonna react.

• 41:53Chris Lee?

  Yeah, it's like a remote control. You have control over my power.

• 41:56Lewis Howes?

  Just gotta push your buttons.

• 41:57Chris Lee?

  That's right.

• 41:58Lewis Howes?

  You'd react the way I want you to.

• 41:59Chris Lee?

  You react the way I want to. And then, and then in a relationship, when we don't set boundaries in our friendships, sometimes friends call friends at all times of the night and they interrupt private moments or sleep or whatever. And there's just a lack of respect. And I think that at the end of the day, creating boundaries is creating respect between two people so that the relationship could thrive. And same thing in business. You don't want to be doing something for your boss that you don't want to do. You know, that you know you don't want to do, that you know that it's crossing a boundary and you feel like you have to do it. You know, I think that it's important to communicate and to express and set the right boundaries.

• 42:43Chris Lee?

  And you're going to create thriving relationships. Part of why our relationship works and we've been close and you know, you're one of my best friends and I love you and we've never crossed each other's boundaries. We've always been respectful. We know how far we can go. We know how far not to go.

• 43:02Lewis Howes?

  We push boundaries.

• 43:03Chris Lee?

  We push a little bit and then we go, well, wait a minute.

• 43:07Lewis Howes?

  But we communicate. If something is not aligned to our visions.

• 43:10Chris Lee?

  Yeah, like if there's ever been a moment that I, that I pushed a boundary with you without knowing it, you've had the total trust to say, Chris, that doesn't work for me. And since I'm committed to the relationship, I'm like, absolutely. And same thing if there's something that you have done that crossed a boundary, then that I've always been able to communicate that. Which is why my relationships are successful. Because I know how far I can go and, and I know how far I can't go.

• 43:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. Let's talk about for a minute before we wrap things up. Why are we so afraid to be alone? Cause my entire childhood, I was afraid to be alone and I think I would hold on to certain relationships too tightly because I was afraid. And then I remember saying to myself, I'm going to get so comfortable being alone. I'm going to take myself out to dinner and see what that feels like. When I go to movies alone, I'm going to do everything alone till I fell in love with myself.

• 44:02Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 44:03Lewis Howes?

  Cause I needed to fall in love with me as maybe egotistical as that sounds. It was more of like a practice because it didn't have any self-love. So I said, I need to figure out how I can love myself. And I practiced that over and over again to the point where I was like, it's actually pretty nice here. I appreciate myself. I appreciate my thoughts. My like, I was kinder to myself.

• 44:22Chris Lee?

  Mm hmm. I could tell you one of the reasons why we have a hard time being alone. And it's because ninety percent of what we think is negative. And so from the moment you wake up in the morning, you have this little voice in your head that starts chattering away. And that voice, ninety percent of what it says is negative. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I don't like this. I read a quote that Oprah came out with two days ago of this, I know for sure, that when we don't pay attention to the chatter in our head, we will be happy.

• 45:03Chris Lee?

  And so paying attention to the negative self-talk is one of the reasons why we have a hard time being alone. And so learning how to, how to really pay attention to that, notice the talk and shift out of it and replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts is one of the ways you're gonna learn to be alone and be happy with it. As long, I used to think that being alone was the worst thing that could happen to me.

• 45:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, scary.

• 45:29Chris Lee?

  Because like, I, since I suck, why would I want to be with me? And so as I started taking control, of course, through the workshops I've done and learning how to move from that dark place and shift it and replace negative affirmations with positive affirmations. So instead of thinking, I'm worthless, I'm not good enough, I matter, I'm beautiful, I'm positive, I'm powerful, and start creating positive conversations about yourself. Then you're gonna learn to actually enjoy yourself. Another thing that I think is valuable is what you did. I started going to the movies alone as well. And at first it was weird and I felt self-conscious and it gets to a point now where I almost would rather go alone.

• 46:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You can watch what you want to watch.

• 46:13Chris Lee?

  No one's gonna bother me. I'm able to enjoy it. I think that the more you learn to love yourself and to celebrate you and realize, and I say this a lot, there is so much right about you. There's so much working. There's so much beautiful. You're so beautiful, so powerful. Human being is amazing. I'm in love with human being. And I think like what you said, when you learn to fall in love with yourself, then you won't settle. And part of that, of course, is forgiveness, but also forgiving yourself because we're the hardest, we're the kings. You've said this before, you used to be the king of beating yourself up.

• 46:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:51Chris Lee?

  So let's become the king and queens of building ourselves up.

• 46:56Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's good. I like that one.

• 46:58Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 46:58Lewis Howes?

  Great. Powerful points, guys. Make sure to go to the show notes. We'll have it up here, the link to where you can go. Share this with your friends. Chris has a book out called Abundance and Prosperity.

• 47:10Chris Lee?

  Transform Your Life, Ten Principles of Abundance and Prosperity.

• 47:14Lewis Howes?

  Check it out on Amazon.

• 47:16Chris Lee?

  Forward by Lewis Howes.

• 47:18Lewis Howes?

  That's it. It's a great book. And you'll have an audio version of that coming out soon, but you can go to Amazon and get the book.

• 47:24Chris Lee?

  Yeah, I'm doing an audio. Actually, this afternoon, I'm doing an audio. A lot of people have requested it in audio.

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 47:29Chris Lee?

  It'll come out next year, in the beginning of next year.

• 47:31Lewis Howes?

  Hear your coaching. It'll be great. So go check out the book, at Chris Motivador.

• 47:37Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 47:37Lewis Howes?

  On Twitter.

• 47:38Chris Lee?

  Instagram.

• 47:39Lewis Howes?

  Instagram, Facebook.

• 47:40Chris Lee?

  And Facebook, at Chris Motivador.

• 47:42Lewis Howes?

  Motivador. I can't roll my eyes, but yeah. Motivador. Um, and go to one of Chris's trainings. You train all over the place, but you can just, they can just message you on Twitter and say, where can I go?

• 47:54Chris Lee?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 47:54Lewis Howes?

  Recommend different places all over the world where they live. So it's easiest for them. But the workshops are unbelievable. And.

• 48:01Chris Lee?

  Life-defining.

• 48:03Lewis Howes?

  Life-changing. Everyone on my team has gone through them.

• 48:05Chris Lee?

  I know. I love them all. I love them all.

• 48:07Lewis Howes?

  Gone through it and seen incredible transformation.

• 48:09Chris Lee?

  And Jen.

• 48:10Lewis Howes?

  Jen, my girlfriend Jen.

• 48:11Chris Lee?

  Yes. She just graduated and you were there.

• 48:14Lewis Howes?

  It was amazing. Life-changing.

• 48:16Chris Lee?

  I know.

• 48:17Lewis Howes?

  As always, want to acknowledge you for being an incredible human on a mission to impacting so many people's lives. I mean, every week, you are doing workshops, giving of your time, of your energy, of your sleep, of sacrificing so much to show up for other people. And I don't know anyone else who gives as much as you. So I acknowledge you for that, Chris. I appreciate you. I know everyone who listens appreciates you. So way to, way to finish the year with a bang.

• 48:43Chris Lee?

  What an honor for me.

• 48:44Lewis Howes?

  Very successful year.

• 48:45Chris Lee?

  I love you.

• 48:46Lewis Howes?

  I love you as well. Go check out the book, share the podcast, and create powerful relationships in your life.

• 48:53Chris Lee?

  I love you, guys. Thank you for listening to us.

• 48:56Lewis Howes?

  To.

• 48:56Chris Lee?

  Number 13.

• 48:57Lewis Howes?

  We'll see you on number 14 next time.

• 49:00Chris Lee?

  Bye-bye.

• 49:07Lewis Howes?

  There you have it my friends, I hope you enjoyed this one, episode number 580. If you did, take a screenshot right now on your phone of this podcast and share it out on your Instagram story, tag me @lewishouse, tag Chris Motivador over on Instagram and Twitter as well, and the link is lewishouse.com/580. Share this with a friend of yours who might be going through a relationship that you feel like they can't set boundaries, or they're struggling in the relationship and it's hurting them, and you know that by setting these clear boundaries, it could help make the relationship thrive and be better. Again, send this to a friend you care about, lewishouse.com/580. Make sure to check out the full show

• 49:51Lewis Howes?

  notes back there as well, you can watch the full video interview and learn more about Chris's book and how to connect with him back on that link. I hope you guys enjoyed this one, it's always amazing to bring Chris back on, he's a dear friend and someone who's been a part of my transformation. And as Martin Heidegger said, "A boundary is not that at which something stops, but that from which something begins." I hope you know how beautiful you are, how much of a gift you are in this world, and as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.