Gwyneth Paltrow ON: How To No Longer Keep Emotions Buried Within & Never Looking Outside For Validation

Do you ever feel like you live your life to fulfill others’ expectations? Are you suppressing your feelings and emotions because it’s not socially acceptable to have them? Jay Shetty and guest Gwyneth Paltrow shares words of advice on living true to yourself in this episode of On Purpose. According to Paltrow, “The more you resist, the more it persists.” Watch the full episode to learn more about living life on your terms and expressing your thoughts and emotions freely. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

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• 3:00Jay Shetty?

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• 3:09Speaker 01

  It was such a successful defense mechanism for me in the worst way. And it set me back so much, so I try to parent with this idea that what comes up in you is there. And if you try to push things down, they'll stay. They're there to teach you something, they're there to tell you something. So just listen to what it is, and then it'll move through.

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  I wanted to start off by asking, considering what's been going on in the world for the past few months, what's the latest adventure you went on with Moses and Apple? And what have you been doing to make that time special and meaningful?

• 3:55Speaker 01

  Well, as you can imagine, it's been certainly surreal for us. And I think for the teenagers in the world, it's been it's been very hard for them, you know? I think they were, especially my son is 14, my daughter's 16, and they were just sort of entering this phase of autonomy and agency and self-exploration. And I think at that age, you get so much of that from the world being reflected back to you, even if it's just, you know, "Oh, I didn't know that I felt this way about this kind of food or person or..."

• 4:36Speaker 01

  You know, they hear something in, I don't know, in kids here in church, or I don't know. It's like you go out and you, or you have an interaction with another kid that's painful. And these are all such important stepping stones for growth. And I feel bad for them, you know, I was, they started school today and they're in front of the computer all day. And I just thought, this is, this might not be sustainable for us all as parents of kids, you know? Just this, it's very solitary in a way that is not a meditation, you know? It's like a bit punitive. So when, when we all first went into lockdown, there was very little we could do.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  And I was also impressed by how quickly they were able to, you know, kids are so resilient. And they did, they were able to be, have a lot of agility around their kind of mental strength. And the way they were like, okay, well, this was hard and now this is life. So we're just gonna carry on.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  And I think so some of our adventures were really around cooking together as a family and trying new crazy stuff. And, and pushing ourselves at the dinner table to have more unusual conversations, longer conversations. And we've just become very centered around the home. Now we're, we have a home on the East Coast, which is about a 10 minute walk to the ocean. And so we've been able, I think we feel that nature has given us a lot more scope in our lives. Like my last literal adventure that I went on with Moses yesterday, the day before yesterday, I took him to the beach and we swam and he surfed and I just watched him surf.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  And it was very simple and, you know, it wasn't like some crazy adventure, but it, especially within the context of, you know, being confined, everything kind of feels like an adventure these days.

• 6:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what a beautiful answer. Do you feel that? What do you think's been their biggest fear at this time? Because I've heard from a lot, and I'm not a parent, but I know a lot of my listeners are. And I also know that a lot of friends who are parents have like talked to me about like their children's fears right now. What's been their fear and what do you think's been like the most useful thing that you've been able to do to support them through that? Because, you know, no matter where kids are or what they're going through, I think there's a lot of similarities in what that age group specifically, it's probably one of the hardest age groups to be going through this.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  I think they've felt the ability to, or you know, the opposite of fear. And, you know, because when you're home with your parents, there's that inherent, you know, feeling of safety. I think that there has been an incredible relief for them in not having FOMO. You know, there's nothing, there's, you know, they, there's nothing going on there. So there's no social anxiety. And I think, you know, if I've observed them having any fear, you know, they were, I don't know if it was, if I would characterize this fear as much as they're

• 7:56Speaker 01

  really trying to process what our generation is all going through in terms of the social injustice that's defined who we are as a culture and that we've all been participants of, wittingly or unwittingly. And it's a very big thing for them to unpack. I think they think of things so differently. They've been socialized so differently.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Hi, Apple. Speak of the devil.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  And so I think the fear has, there's been. I wouldn't say a concrete thing that they can point to and say, "I'm afraid of this," but I think that they're feeling this tremendous seismic shift happen. And I think that energetically, it causes some feelings of like, what does this mean? And where are we going? And, you know, why have you guys so badly for us? And, you know, it's sort of like they're having these bigger existential fears as opposed to, you know what I mean?

• 9:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I've heard you say before that you've said to your kids, "Don't resist it. The more you resist it, the more it persists." And I wonder what you think the opposite of resistance is? Or why you feel that? I feel like there's such a great resistance in humans in general towards pain and challenges and struggle. What about that statement feels so true to you? And what do you try and do instead of resist that feels right to you?

• 9:41Speaker 01

  I don't think that we were brought up with a language for discomfort, pain, embarrassment. We were taught to sublimate those feelings. We were taught that, you know, "Boys don't cry." We were taught that, you know, "Hold your head up high, don't be in a bad mood." You know, "I want to see you smile at the dinner table." And it's so deep in us, this tendency to override our true feelings with this dissonance of, "No, I'm fine."

• 10:20Speaker 01

  And we've also been taught that bad feelings feel terrible as opposed to having an understanding, "Okay, this feels bad and it's temporary." Like, I'm a human being, so there are going to be days that I experience a lot of pain, or sadness, or confusion. And...

• 10:49Speaker 01

  We weren't given the language to just let it pass through, you know, like that great Rumi poem about the guest house that, you know, just each human being is a guest house and different feelings are gonna knock on the door every day. Just let them in and don't judge them and don't criticize them. Just let them do what they're there to do and they're gonna move out. And I noticed in myself when I resisted pain or most importantly for me, when I resisted vulnerability, which felt so painful to me to be vulnerable. And it's still something that I work on. I still really struggle with true vulnerability

• 11:29Speaker 01

  because it was such a successful defense mechanism for me in the worst way. And it set me back so much. So I, I try to parent with this idea that what comes up in you is there. And if you try to push things down, they'll stay. They're there to teach you something. They're there to tell you something. So just listen to what it is and then it'll move through. But, you know, they're teenagers. So right now, they basically just think I'm an idiot.

• 12:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's, that's a beautiful answer. But I, the reason I'm asking these questions is to remind myself that my kids will never listen to me. And, and it's a good thing to remember that, that my kids will never think I'm cool or, or relevant or, or interesting or useful. But that, that's a really, it's a really beautiful answer. And I'm really glad you shared that, that Rumi poem as well. Because I think, you know, it's, it was, what you shared is so powerful that we, we just keep these emotions and feelings trapped within ourselves or we don't let them in. And then they have to...

• 12:38Speaker 01

  We don't give ourselves permission, you know? We don't give ourselves permission to... Feel those ugly things, you know, like Rumi says, it could be jealousy, envy, like these things that we're taught to think, no, good people don't feel this way. And I think that it cultivates more pain by not just letting these feelings come through us.

• 13:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. When we were talking about in our interview together on your incredible podcast, you mentioned how, you know, obviously you've had so much success that you've earned at a younger age and then continued to redefine, reinvent, and continue to create incredible success in your life. But you were saying that, you know, there was a time where you got to a point where you just felt like things had to change or things had to shift. What is it like? And the reason why I ask this is I feel like today it's happening more and more, whether it's with TikTok or Instagram

• 13:41Jay Shetty?

  or what does it feel like to be extremely successful at a young age? And when I say extremely successful, literally top of the world, top of your game at such a young age for you, you know, winning most prestigious award that exists in the world at such a young age, like, what does that actually feel like? Like, what goes through your mind? And what did it feel like then? And how does it feel now in hindsight? And how can other people learn from it? How can other young people who are experiencing almost astronomical success at a young age in different ways?

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Well, at the time, it felt very overwhelming. I really did not have a good sense of who I was yet. You know, when I won the Oscar, I assume you're referring to that award instead of my high school gymnastics award.

• 14:34Jay Shetty?

  No, that's the one I referenced. I was doing with the high school gymnastics. No, of course, I was talking about the Oscars, of course. I didn't think I even needed to say what it was. Everyone knows. It's iconic. It's iconic and amazing.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  It was incredibly overwhelming and

• 14:57Speaker 01

  And, you know, I was going through all kinds of stuff emotionally at the time. My father was dealing with cancer. My grandfather was dying of cancer. Both men I was incredibly close to.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  And a few things, you know, I just, as I said, I didn't know myself. So I didn't, I hadn't built the internal infrastructure that I have now to deal with so much projection and energy, which, you know, is a, is a tool or a series of tools that I had to figure out and build for myself. You know, when you're so visible in the public eye and so many people have so many opinions about you.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  You know, there's sort of a system that I, I figured out for myself.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  I remember when, after I won, I, I crashed. I, I was staying with my parents in Santa Monica, California. And I got into bed and I basically was in bed for three weeks. I was incredibly depressed and I had no energy. And, you know, the psychologist that I saw at the time was saying, you know, this is normal because you had this big kind of apex and now you're just experiencing the counterbalance and everything. But I think what I was really, it wasn't adrenaline. I think, I mean, although partially, of course, it was adrenaline. I think part of it was the realization that I had been working so hard towards something

• 16:29Speaker 01

  to validate my existence and to prove my worthiness to myself and to, you know, as you say in your book, to fulfill the perceptions that other people might have of me.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  And then if you reach the top and you're still you and you still have all this undelved with stuff in your life that you haven't looked at and you...

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Are just a person and kind of winning that accolade doesn't fix anything. You're like, oh, okay. So, you know, it's like I said one time, really, you know, when you read the story of the golden calf in the Bible and it's like you have this false idol, you know, and it turns out to be a false idol, but you don't know it until, you know, you know it.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  And so it was a great thing to happen because, you know, the, the best thing about winning an Oscar was realizing that it didn't mean anything. And that I had to set myself on a course where I first of all, started to unpack why it was that I felt the need to drive myself so hard and why I

• 17:55Speaker 01

  you know, I, why, what was the impetus behind having to achieve? And, you know, I think I'm, I am a high achiever. I think I, I love to work and I love to explore and discover and push boundaries and, and do stuff. But there was a part of that, that was fueled by something that was unhealthy and unhealed. And if, and that it opened up the path to healing for me.

• 18:22Jay Shetty?

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• 19:04Jay Shetty?

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• 19:45Jay Shetty?

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• 20:28Jay Shetty?

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• 20:35Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for sharing that. It's so, it's so useful, A, hearing you say that, and so vulnerably and deeply as well. Tell, tell me about where it... Have you then, do you think now you're in a space where, and I really believe this is a really important concept, and I really want to hear what you have to say about it. Do you feel you've found a way where you can continue to be ambitious and driven, but from a more healed and healthy place? As you said before, it was from an unhealed and unhealthy place. Is there a way of being healthy and healed ambitious?

• 21:12Speaker 01

  It's so funny you ask this because I was literally having this conversation with my husband a few days ago.

• 21:18Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  And I, I don't know the answer because, you know, what I sort of got to was, it's so clear to me that ambition, like re- true, diehard, type A ambition, I don't think comes from a place where, you know, like, like in you talk about in your book, in the, in those moments of like true peace and, and soulfulness and unity and oneness, like, it doesn't come from that. It definitely comes from the idea that you have to prove something.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  And so that is a, that's an injury. Um, I do think there are exceptions and there are some people who have something within them that's so, there's such a channel for something and they're so, you know, like Mozart or the Dalai Lama or, you know, like, or, you know, some incredible painter or, you know, Da Vinci is like, clearly this person is a channel and this was coming through. And I think that's also a facet of it, but I think in the, I think in my experience,

• 22:47Speaker 01

  there's this amazing connection with something greater and then there's injury and that combination leads to this very driven person.

• 22:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Wow. I was not, I was not expecting that answer and that's, uh, it's opened up so many, uh, beautiful avenues and, and that's amazing that you were, but just the fact that you were having that conversation with your husband. You know, that shows that there's such a beautiful reflection around it. And how important it is to you, which is, which is wonderful, because it's almost like it's so easy to not have to think about it. But to have it in conversation and trying to figure it out, I think that's where most of us truly are like. I think we're always and I, I think if we were, I have this hunch that if we were to sit down with Da Vinci or Mozart or Picasso

• 23:40Jay Shetty?

  or any of these incredible individuals, I think we'd hear the same. I think that, I think that whether it was their humility or their reality, I think they'd tell us very similar things because it's, it's almost like that's, that's where the magic happens of trying to figure it out. And I guess what, what was that point where, what was that point that let you reconfigure or made you reconfigure and let you reconfigure? What was that journey like when you specifically pointed out forty years old, but was it before then? Was it earlier? What was that where you were just like, okay, now I understand there's another purpose for me here?

• 24:22Speaker 01

  I think it was, it happened in steps. So when I was twenty seven and I had won the Oscar the previous year and I was, you know, super successful.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  My dad sat me down. He was like the love of my life. He sat me down and he's like, I, I need you to know something. He's like, you're getting really weird and you're kind of an asshole. Like you're behaving weirdly. I don't like what I'm seeing. I don't like where this is going. You're buying into this whole thing. And it was a really brutal conversation for me in the moment because, you know, fame is such a weird warping thing. And it happens in a very insidious and incremental way. And you just think you're you, but the reality is

• 25:18Speaker 01

  people keep removing all the obstacles and the obstacles in life are what make you, keep you like close to yourself.

• 25:25Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  So he was right and I was, I had really hurt feelings and then I was like, oh no, he's right. Like I see what he's saying. And through that conversation, a seed was planted around, like, why, why did this happen to me? Why am I this person in the world? Why am I here? What am I actually meant to do? And if I'm not, you know, if I'm not supposed to integrate with this fame and this sort of projection, like, what is it, why did it happen to me? And why am I, like, what is the purpose of all this? So that was kind of the first piece. And then, then he got sick and then, or no, he, then he got, started

• 26:10Speaker 01

  to get really unwell. And then I found yoga. And then I started on this path of trying to figure out what the point was. And, and then he died when I was 30. And then I really got, it was like I just got swallowed by grief for a long time. And it sort of separated me from that journey, you know, of, and then, because I was, I just felt like I was trying to cope and keep my head above water. And then luckily, I also had my two incredible children in that decade. But towards the end of that decade,

• 26:51Speaker 01

  and it really sort of coincided with the realization that my marriage was over. I kind of was struck by this lightning bolt. I actually just wrote this piece about it for British Vogue about like, looking back on consciously uncoupling. And I realized in the piece, well, I wrote about it, it was just sort of like, I knew it was over. And I couldn't undo, I couldn't unhear the truth of that. And that started to really put me into, because I had, I was then forced with taking on so much pain and so much redefinition.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  And, you know, it, it really put me on this path of trying to, you know, divorce in a different way and be, show up for my children in a way that I had never thought imaginable, et cetera, et cetera. I started to realize, as a part of that, how much I had lived my life.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  To fulfill the expectations of other people. And I don't know, something I think happens around the age of 40, where I always call it a software upgrade. It's like it just happens and you can utilize it and amplify it or not, but it will happen to you. And any, for me, it took the form of like any

• 28:20Speaker 01

  misidentification I had about myself, any way that I was holding myself in a way that was out of integrity just exploded. And I was just, I thought, okay, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna follow this path and see where it takes me.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company formed me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is.

• 28:46Speaker 03

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• 28:52Speaker 04

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• 28:56Speaker 03

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• 28:59Speaker 04

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• 29:00Speaker 03

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• 29:36Jay Shetty?

  You just said so many profound things, so many genuinely incredibly. The biggest one that really stuck with me was you said that, you know, everyone tries to make your life easier and removes all the obstacles, but your obstacles are the ones that keep you closest to who you are. That's so counterintuitive, but so true. In the sense that we almost think like when our lives are removed of obstacles, that's when we are going in the right direction. But actually, you're so right that we have to keep checking in with ourselves when things aren't working out, or when things are going wrong, or there's all these challenges. Like you just explained at thirty years old, like losing, you know, losing a parent,

• 30:19Jay Shetty?

  losing a partner, you know, those kind of like, just such formative experiences are the experiences that make us check in with ourselves. You know, what was it at that time, in effect, going back to our interviews, what gave you the courage to put the last raft down and go, oh, no, I'm going to be brave enough now in my life to put on a new set of, you know, not only to become an entrepreneur, but to parent in this way, to move on with my life in this way? What was that that gave you that courage and bravery?

• 30:53Speaker 01

  It just felt like life or death, you know? It just didn't feel like a choice. And I knew that it was going to be hard. But I think each of us, when we have as human beings this incredible gift that if we really tune into ourselves and we really listen to the truth, which by the way can be incredibly painful and bring with it the need for change that is going to be painful for other people, and but there is no other way to live.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  And especially women, we've gotten this memo somewhere along the way that we come last and that everybody else's needs need to come before ours. And we can't really... Tune in and listen to our absolute truth because sometimes it's in discord with our reality and for me and it's it's still a process and I still have so much to learn and I feel like I have so much development left but as I go through life and the harder

• 32:09Speaker 01

  things and the more wonderful wonderful things like just having the courage to listen because sometimes the truth is not what you want to hear and that's can be very, very scary and very revolutionary and you know it's funny it also I was doing a movie around that time where I was playing a country singer and so I was doing a lot of voice lessons and this thing kept happening to me I was living in London and I had this amazing voice coach named Carrie and this thing kept happening to me that when I really started

• 32:50Speaker 01

  to sing and let it come from my heart I burst into tears and I kept crying it was so embarrassing and you know she kept saying it's okay you know and in England you're not allowed to cry I don't know if you know that

• 33:05Jay Shetty?

  I was born and raised in London

• 33:09Speaker 01

  So I was like oh my god I'm so sorry this is mortifying and she was like no this is good and let it come through and I started to question as I do because I'm a pathologically curious person like why am I crying when I'm singing and it all came back to the same thing you know the repression of many, many truths that I had accumulated over my life and I just committed to unearthing them

• 33:38Jay Shetty?

  That's it's so amazing that you just said that because I was literally my next thought that was in my head was I was going to ask you which of your roses has the biggest impact to you off screen I was literally just about to ask you that

• 33:51Speaker 01

  It was interesting

• 33:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, does that feel like it was that the one that kind of because you were having to sing and because you were crying is that the one or are there others that

• 34:01Speaker 01

  That one had a huge impact on me probably I you know probably more than any other it's so funny I never thought about it until right now but that

• 34:13Speaker 01

  Connected me with myself in a way that, yeah, gosh, you're right. That's, that's the one. Interesting.

• 34:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, very, yeah, so interesting. I mean, it's, it's, uh, it's so beautiful when, when work and life can be connected, or when you can try and start to see how an experience in the workplace, whether you're singing, acting, or whether you're working in an office, there's so many experiences where we always have that opportunity to, to turn it inward.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  They happen every day. I mean, now, you know, that I work in an office every day, well, I used to, you know, pre-COVID.

• 34:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  And you see how things happen when people interact at work.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  And there are triggers that happen within people. And we're not, we haven't trained ourselves to say, hmm, okay, I wonder why that's triggering. You know, we lash out, or we feel this isn't fair, or, you know, so

• 35:15Speaker 01

  what I've seen, you know, across a lot of industry that I've worked in, is that all of those difficult moments where you're asked to reach deeper and find more vulnerability, or more forgiveness, or to have the courage to be like, what am I seeing in this person that's driving me so crazy about myself? We all have that opportunity every day, you know, to excavate all this stuff. It's just more work, but, but it actually ends up being so rewarding. And you end up leaving at the end of the day, instead of being exhausted and like, I can't believe this frickin' person said this at the coffee, you know, it's like,

• 35:56Speaker 01

  okay, well, why, why, why did it make me feel this way? And, you know, because there's always a reason, and there's always something underneath it that we can heal.

• 36:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, why is such a great question? And, and it shifts us from what we were speaking about before, like it shifts us from ego into understanding straight away.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 36:19Jay Shetty?

  Like you said, like our desire to be triggered or lash out is all coming from our ego or anger, or almost like a attack and defense mode. And the mode that that question that you just said puts us into is understanding and compassion, which is which is such a better place to come from. What was the what was your how did your work as an actor? And your industry experience there kind of shift over to then building Goop? Like, where was that on was there an entrepreneur spirit that you already have? What does that mean? And and what was that then? The why of the reasoning behind Goop and everything that came from that?

• 37:00Speaker 01

  I think that I definitely had an entrepreneurial spirit. I think I was raised by parents who were had a lot of agency and a lot of drive themselves. And especially my father, who had come from, you know, a background of not a lot of means. It was he was so driven to kind of make something of himself and in that American dream sort of way. And I grew up watching that kind of drive and work ethic and pride and then manifestation. And what can come from that kind of focus and that kind of intention? And I found it very inspiring and then I saw my mother, you know, doing these amazing plays

• 37:43Speaker 01

  and playing these great roles in Chekhov and Tennessee Williams. And she was so empowered and and I had so much respect for that. And so it was sort of a convergence of those things. And I was very much raised with the notion that you can be anything you want to be. And you have to do it yourself. So those two things were very galvanizing and also very like the possibility of freedom is there. It's like if you can, if you believe in yourself, you

• 38:17Speaker 01

  and, you know, a lot, you'll have a lot of detractors along the way. But if you can truly believe in yourself and sort of see the bullseye and keep it in your sights, like, that's what I was raised to believe. And it's a very exhilarating feeling. It's a very powerful feeling. And I believe that anybody can channel that feeling and manifest for themselves. Absolutely.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  I thought that the way you did that was in the arts, because that's what I had seen. So I had seen my mother act and be so empowered. And I'd seen my father be so driven and cultivate this amazing career in television and writing. And

• 38:55Speaker 01

  So I thought, well, I'll just, I would just wanna be like my mom. And then, you know, I had all this success and it was very uh strange in a way because I didn't feel, I didn't necessarily feel like, I was like, what if this isn't my calling? And then, um, and then I took off a number of years when I had my kids. I was very, very lucky to be able to do that. And then I wanted to do something else and I wanted to

• 39:26Speaker 01

  find some way to reach people or inspire people with the power of their own curiosity and to try to create a platform where

• 39:39Speaker 01

  asking questions was permissible and, you know, pursuing, um, pursuing the things in life that made you feel optimized in some way, you know, and it could be, it could be in some great philosophical kind of lightbulb way, or it could be just like, I'll tell you where the best taco in Santa Barbara was. Just the idea that life is so precious and how can we kind of, what are the shortest roads to the best things or the happiest feelings? And this feeling of beauty, you know, that we use at Goop, like,

• 40:19Speaker 01

  not physical beauty, but the feeling that anything is possible and that feeling of, of resonance. And I had no idea how I could start to do that, or even that I could ever turn it into a business. But I was really driven by that feeling of wanting to share, I don't know, those, the, the, the, what I had tried and learned and failed at and, and what was working for me and sharing amazing information that I had heard. And so it just sort of came out, it came from that place.

• 40:54Jay Shetty?

  I love that. And you mentioned the word manifest and manifestation a few times there. Tell us, because I feel like there are so many versions or misconceptions of manifestation that are out there right now. What was yours? Because obviously, it's worked with your work ethic and everything else that you had. It's not exclusive of that. But what was your process, if you had one, or what was your mindset around that? Just so everyone can get clarity on what really worked for you.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  I think that if you are living in integrity and that your word and your actions are aligned,

• 41:36Speaker 01

  then you can honestly bring anything into the world that you want to bring into the world.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  And when you cultivate that relationship of honesty and integrity with yourself, that you can literally, first of all, hear your calling and then make it happen. And that, to me, is manifestation. And it could be, you know, that people, you know, I've heard so many, "Oh, I've always wanted to write a book," but, you know, it's like, if, if you can get to that place that you are so in tune with what's real for you and what's right for you, that it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks of you and

• 42:27Speaker 01

  what you're doing, then you can express it in any way in the world. Does that make any sense?

• 42:35Jay Shetty?

  It makes so much sense. It made, it made complete sense. It was actually a really beautiful answer. I love, I love trying to figure out different definitions or understandings. And that was, that was beautiful. There's, there's a famous quote that it reminded me of. And the quote says that "We experience real harmony and peace in our lives when what we think, say, and do are aligned." And

• 42:59Speaker 01

  That was a much more succinct way of saying.

• 43:02Jay Shetty?

  Well, it's not mine. It's not my quote. It's a quote that I've read, that I've heard before. And when you said that, it reminded me of that, that the way you shared it was so much clarity, because I think for most of us, we think one thing, we say something else, and we do something completely different. And so, so when you said to be in integrity with your, with your word and your action, I think that's, that's, yeah, that's, that's, that's a great answer. The other part I wanted to touch on, which you mentioned, which is around how, you know, you were saying women have just had this memo for so many years around just like, you know, everyone's needs come before your own. And, and I grew up, you know, my mother raised me through and through. I have a younger sister.

• 43:47Jay Shetty?

  I saw my mom work, take care of me. She's an entrepreneur. She was an entrepreneur, but I didn't even know she was an entrepreneur because I didn't know what that was then. And, you know, she had her own company and I, I had a younger sister, so I was very involved in wanting to be like a good older brother to her. And I just saw my mom accomplish so much. And, and, and I think it definitely changed my view of

• 44:14Jay Shetty?

  the potential that anyone had, including my now wife and what I see her being able to do. What, where do you think that memo changed for you, where you're still able to be a good mother and you were able to kind of reconcile what that meant to you about, about, you know, being responsible and being what you, who you thought that was as a good definition of what a woman should be?

• 44:43Speaker 01

  I think that I had to give myself the permission to

• 44:49Speaker 01

  fully embody who I have been through every chapter.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  And then find the agility to sort of change for the next chapter. I really, you know, Margaret Mead wrote about women really having, being sort of very distinct people in different chapters of their lives and sort of the, the lack of permission that we historically have given ourselves to fully be who we are in those chapters and then be dynamic enough to grow into ourselves in the next chapter.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  You know, I remember at some point realizing that I had to stop holding myself as a daughter because it was keeping me in the last chapter. And of course, I will always be a daughter and I love my parents, but I had to sort of unhook myself from that dynamic of needing approval, wanting affirmation and decide to fully embody myself as a woman. And now I'm a mother and that brings with it a whole other set of things. And then I'm in my second marriage, which is a completely different experience than

• 46:14Speaker 01

  my first marriage. And who do I want to be in that marriage? And how do I want to show up in that marriage? And how do I want to test myself and push myself? And, you know, somebody, somebody once said that a, a long intimate relationship is just a meditation and everything that's wrong with you.

• 46:38Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  And so embracing that, that those things that come up and saying like, oh, okay, this is an area where I'm still invulnerable or resistant or whatever the case may be. I just think it's about giving yourself that permission is like, as a woman to, as I said before, be honest with yourself, like take inventory of how you really feel about something. Be selfish sometimes. Put yourself first. Speak your truth. Say what you mean. And then everything just opens up, you know? I, I wish it hadn't taken me so long, you know? I feel like I had my head up for half my life so far, you know? And I'm.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  But you know, I it's something that I speak about with the younger women in my life, you know, who I've talked to through a business or the importance of speaking the truth from the place that's real inside and how and how that just changes everything.

• 47:48Jay Shetty?

  Great, yeah. What a great perspective. And it's it's nice hearing you say that because I think it will help a lot of people when they hear that because it's you're right, it's just so hard when some of these things have just been hardwired into family and education and media and, you know, it's propagated everywhere. And it's almost like you feel guilty breaking it down. And guilt's like one of the most guilt's like such a hard feeling to feel like. I don't know if there's a there's lots of hard feelings in the world, but guilt's like one of those ones that you just it kind of feels like there's no way out sometimes. And so that that really clarifies a lot of it for me. And I think it'll clarify for everyone's listening. I wanted to talk a bit about some

• 48:30Jay Shetty?

  of Goop's focuses. And I know that right now skincare and beauty is a big focus. And I know that you talk about being clean and holistic and results driven. My my big question is, what do you what is the result that you think people need to have with their skincare and beauty? Because that's sometimes, you know, when I hear that, I think, oh, wow, that's so open and amazing results driven like that's open. What does that mean to you? And what does it mean to go?

• 49:00Speaker 01

  We really want to approach everything we do at Goop through our core values. And so clean and non toxic is super important. There's so much research now around the endocrine disrupting chemicals and so much of our personal care. And it's all kind of, you know, when we started talking about it, people thought we were a little nuts. But that's just par for the course at Goop. And now it's become very mainstream. And the clean beauty industry is on fire. And, you know, the younger generation, Gen Z'ers are really concerned with what is in their personal care products, etc. So we believe wholeheartedly in that. And

• 49:40Speaker 01

  For us, this idea that beauty is a holistic thing. So of course, we want really efficacious, clean skincare. But it's also, how do you feel about yourself? Are you hydrating? Do you, what are you saying to yourself all day? You know, are you stuck in an old model of thinking that's harmful? Are you, what is your breathing? What is your exercise? What is your nutrition? And just sort of trying to create a space where we create the content that really helps a woman get closer to her true self. And then we create the product that will help her on the outside as well.

• 50:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love, I love that. It's, it's, it's great to have that. You know, that synergy and approach, because I feel like we all, we all need, you know, we all need products to, to feel good as, good about ourselves from the outside in too. Everyone does. And I know I have my, my hair wax and I could, I could, you and you and, you know, I'm probably wearing a hat, but don't, don't do that. But it's, you know, it's, it's such a, it's important to feel confident on the outside. But like you're saying, there's a lot of other practices that you're promoting that really change things from the inside out. When you're, when you're creating a product, like for example, uh, Goop jeans or, or something along those lines, what's the kind of thinking that goes into creating a product like that? And what's, what's the innovation behind it?

• 51:05Jay Shetty?

  Where are you, where do you start? Because I feel like today, it's, it's almost like we see products everywhere all the time. But it's like, where, where does a product start? And the reason I ask this question is I think that's what almost like being an entrepreneur is really about, is knowing that where, where does a product journey start? Not just having a product and then figuring out how to market it. So tell me about Goop jeans and where the product began.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  So everything that we make comes really from a white space. It's, it's how we started our skincare. It was, I couldn't find really clean luxurious skincare that actually worked. You know, it was like. You don't want to buy a cream at the health food store necessarily, you know.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  And this, the idea with Goop jeans was really, I wanted to create something incredible and really special that really worked. And sort of touched on the idea that we pass things down to our other generations. Like we take things from our parents and we pass them down. And epigenetically speaking, we can affect how those, how aging or how disease presents. You know, with how we're living our lives, what we're eating, what we're thinking, how much love we have in our lives. And, oh wow, we're getting a massive, beautiful summer thunderstorm right now.

• 52:24Jay Shetty?

  Oh, no way.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  So beautiful.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  And so we always, you know, we always want to think about kind of the psychological piece, as crazy as that sounds. And sort of the emotional piece and then the ingestible piece. So we always have an ingestible that helps the skin from the inside out. Like we have this Goop jeans supplement, which is an amazing collagen supplement. Although I love the taste, it tastes like birthday cake, but some people, like my daughter, doesn't like the taste. She thinks it's too like birthday cakey.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  And then we have.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  And then we have the topical cream, which actually, you know, and I'm so proud of the team because they formulate these amazing clean products. That the efficacy is crazy, like the clinical results behind these products are just amazing. And so it just goes to prove that you can formulate something that will really change your skin and really hydrate and help with fine lines and wrinkles and all that stuff, and that won't harm you in any way. And, you know, that's part of a larger lifestyle of, of feeling good about yourself in whatever way that means to you, you know, whether it's expressing yourself honestly or exercising or, you know, however that is.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  And just creating that space for women to decide, you know, what's right for them and what will work for them.

• 53:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I know you're bringing this all together on, I think it's 12 September, you have the Goop Health and Wellness Summit.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  I'm so excited about that. What if you have to come on, come and do an in Goop Health with me?

• 54:06Jay Shetty?

  I would love to. I'd be more than happy to, but it's so exciting because I know that, you know, that's obviously, I think it's something that people are also going to look forward to this year. I think, you know, with the, with the lack of offline programming and events for people to turn up to and, you know, I think, I think for people to have something exciting to go to online, it's, I feel like now's the time for it more than ever. Why, why was that important for you to do at that time? What's, tell us a bit about what particular, I know there's lots of workouts and masterclasses, but what's something that you're really excited for, for the summit?

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Well, it's funny, you know, we, we love our in-person summit so much and they've become such a point of connection and education and we were so sad to have to let them go. And we thought, well, we wonder if there's a way to digitally create this. And actually, I'm so excited and inspired by what everybody's put together because, first of all, it's much more accessible in terms of price point, in terms of, you know, geography, anybody can, and it's been amazing to see, we have people from so many countries who've signed up, which makes me so happy. But it's really just, you know, when, when COVID happened and we've been going through this crazy, crazy time, I said to the team, you know,

• 55:24Speaker 01

  we just really have to get back to our core values, which are being of service and, and sharing with the world the things that work for us and resonate for us and what, what helps us in our own education and our own process and our own practices. And we kind of went, stripped it all the way back to that. And, and to be able to offer this, it's such a clear expression of who we're trying to be and how we're trying to show up in the world. And I'm really excited about, well, the theme of it is transitions and

• 55:58Speaker 01

  I'm very excited. Let's see, I think that I'm most excited about, there's a woman, um, oh gosh, I'm forgetting her name, but she has a business called Pro Ho. And it's about Yes.

• 56:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  And it's about, and she's incredible, and she's about like, finding your sexuality shamelessly. And um, I think, oh, I think a lot of women, you know, need to have that permission to have that conversation. And so I'm most excited for her workshop.

• 56:31Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I'm so glad that so many people are gonna get to attend it from all over the world, because that's obviously something that's hard to do.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:38Jay Shetty?

  And uh, I'll, I'll never forget that day when I was at, I was at Rolling Greens, I can't remember which one it was. And then they were like clearing everything out and me and my wife were like, what's going on? And we bumped into the owner and he was saying, oh yeah, Goop's coming here next week. And you know, you had this event planned, which was probably last year or something.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Well, it was

• 56:57Jay Shetty?

  It looked amazing. Uh, but uh, but yeah, no, it's, I'm sure that the digital one will be incredibly fulfilling and how many people it serves. I recommend everyone to go and sign up for, for the, uh, for the summit. It's on the 12th of September and obviously you can join from anywhere in the world. Uh, Gwyneth, I want to ask you, uh, two last segments that we end every podcast with. Uh, one's called Fill in the Blanks. So that's what we'll do next. I read out sentences and you fill in the blanks. It's super easy. Uh, so your first one is, I wish everyone knew.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  That they were whole.

• 57:32Jay Shetty?

  Beautiful. Uh, you, you'll never have a healthy relationship without first.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  There's so many words I could put in there.

• 57:43Jay Shetty?

  Give us your most unique one.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  I was gonna say honesty, but

• 57:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  I think, okay, I think honesty.

• 57:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Um, for you, one of the most underserved problems is?

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, there's so many.

• 58:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:06Jay Shetty?

  You can share a few. I don't want to make you say.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  I would say one of the most underserved problems is environmental racism.

• 58:14Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 58:16Speaker 01

  How our disenfranchised populations are exposed to a much higher toxic load than the rest of us.

• 58:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, beautiful. Yeah. Okay, this one is your final one from Fill in the Blanks. Find common ground with other people by.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Forgiving yourself.

• 58:39Jay Shetty?

  Wow, okay, yeah. I'm gonna let you, I'm gonna say, please expand. Tell us more. I want to hear your answer.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  So I think we have disagreements with people because we're holding on to

• 58:56Speaker 01

  ideas that come from pain or ways that we think we're not good enough or

• 59:04Speaker 01

  and that's what causes friction with people. Like,

• 59:08Speaker 01

  if you've truly forgiven yourself,

• 59:12Speaker 01

  then you can enter into any conversation or confrontation in a clean way. You know, you're not going to be projecting stuff on the other person. But if you're walking around carrying a lot of shame or misinformation about yourself,

• 59:33Speaker 01

  then it's really hard to listen because you're stuck with that stuff from your past clinging to you.

• 59:42Jay Shetty?

  That's such a great answer. I love that. I don't know if you remember the it reminded me of the Evil King Goes Hungry story that I share in my book. So Evil King comes to meet a good king and the evil king, the good king brings out two plates and lays them in front of both of them. And they're about to eat and the evil king goes, no, no, no, no, no. And then he switches the plates. And, and the good king laughs and goes, why are you switching the place? What's wrong with you? And the evil king goes, well, because you might have poisoned my plate. And exactly what you're saying, he's projecting his own challenges. Like, maybe you poisoned my plate. And the evil king just laughs. He's like, what? Okay, whatever. And he's about to eat from the swap plate. And the evil king goes, no, no, no, no, no. And then he switches it again. And then the good king goes, now what?

• 1:00:27Jay Shetty?

  And he said, well, I don't know. Maybe you're double bluffing me. And so then the good king eats and the evil king goes hungry. Uh, and doesn't get to eat because like you said, you're projecting your own uh, challenges onto someone else. And then, you know, you're the only one that starves in that scenario. So I love that one. Okay, these are your final five. These questions are answered in one word to one sentence maximum. I'm probably going to get you to expand because I love your answers. So if, if it goes wrong, it's because of me. Uh, you will not be judged by the final five council. Uh, okay, final five questions. So this is probably one of my first favorite questions to ask. What do you know to be absolutely true?

• 1:01:08Jay Shetty?

  Or what's something that you believe so strongly in that many other people might disagree with you?

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  That all human beings are good.

• 1:01:17Jay Shetty?

  I love it and I completely agree. I love that. Okay, great. Uh, question number two. Uh, what do you want to give your children that you didn't receive growing up? I know you received a lot, so I know it's a hard question.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  The permission to be their true selves.

• 1:01:32Jay Shetty?

  Beautiful. Okay, great. Uh, third question for you is what was your biggest lesson that you learned in the last 12 months?

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  This is a great question. The biggest lesson that I've learned in the last 12 months from being contained inside for so many months that I truly learned that freedom is an idea more than actually being able to go out and do what you want.

• 1:02:03Jay Shetty?

  Tell me more. This is beautiful. That's, that's such a wonderful answer.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Like the feeling.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  You can cultivate that feeling of freedom by going inward and allowing yourself the possibility to explore areas within yourself that you might not have explored and take the time to look at things in a completely different way. And there's so much freedom inside of us that we haven't been taught to think about.

• 1:02:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  We think about freedom as freedom of movement and freedom of expression. But there's so much freedom to find internally.

• 1:02:53Jay Shetty?

  Amazing. Love that. Okay. Question number four out of your five. This one's a personal one that I snuck in. I'm a huge Marvel fan. And so I was gonna ask you, what's your favorite scene in a Marvel movie that you've been in?

• 1:03:12Jay Shetty?

  There's so many, probably.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  You know, it's so embarrassing. I haven't seen so many of the movies.

• 1:03:18Jay Shetty?

  No, the ones you're in, no?

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:03:22Jay Shetty?

  I love that. You're missing out on some of the best movies of all time.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Am I?

• 1:03:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. They're like, the Marvel movies are truly some of my favorite movies. But we'll skip that one.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  I've had a great time doing, I mean, I'll tell you that.

• 1:03:37Jay Shetty?

  You asked that, yeah.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  You know, working with Robert Downey Jr. is always a complete highlight. Like, it's, talk about finding freedom. It's like this amazing, I don't know, exchange of, it's like little fireworks of creativity and love and he's just, he's the best.

• 1:04:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's awesome. That's good to hear because, yeah, I mean, you guys do incredible work together. So I'm happy to hear that. And fifth and final question. If you could create a law that everyone else in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  To deal with their shit.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:04:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, it's a great answer.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  I think if everybody was forced to really be accountable and really make amends and really ask themselves the hard questions and really improve, we would be in a much, much better place and a much higher consciousness.

• 1:04:42Jay Shetty?

  I love that. You're amazing. This is so beautiful. That was your final five. Guna fata everyone. So grateful that you've just been so generous with your time and spent this time with us. It's so beautiful. I'm so happy to like.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  It's an honor.

• 1:04:59Jay Shetty?

  No, it's just being together again. It's like, you know, when we first met, it was briefer in terms of how much we got to talk, but today I just, I just feel like I've had such a heart connection with you and I thank you for that, for inspiring you and making sure it happened that way. And you really set the tone and so I simply tried to reciprocate and serve back. I really, really love this time with you and I can't wait for people to hear this. I know it's going to impact so many and the people are going to be really moved as well. So thank you for just showing us your truest, realist self.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Thank you. Thank you for being who you are in the world. You're a real beacon of light and a great teacher. So thank you.