Mary Bronstein

Conan is joined by Mary Bronstein, the writer/director of the new film If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, to discuss Conan’s first real foray into acting, having lunch with Rose Byrne, and receiving a fax from a very young Bronstein. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

  When it comes to insurance, Farmers doesn't like surprises. That's why there's Farmers coverage on a page. What is it you ask? Did you ask? I don't think you did, but let's pretend you did.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, let's...

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's good, because sometimes it gets confusing, you know? What am I covered for, what am I not? Here, it's all on a page. Does your insurance do that? Get a quote to get started at Farmers.com. Don't be confused, don't wonder. Farmers makes it pretty clear. Underwritten by Farmers, Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or affiliate. Products not available in every state.

• 0:39Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids, or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Or Okie.

• 0:45Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them their stuff.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at Amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Mary Brownstein, and I feel

• 1:38Speaker 02

  destined about being

• 1:40Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 2:04Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Conan O'Brien here, and I'm sitting with Matt and Sona. And this is a special episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Today, I'm welcoming Mary Bronstein, the director of a film that I'm in.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:20Conan O'Brien?

  Which is a strange thing to say, because that's something I didn't expect from my kooky career. But Mary Bronstein has made, I think, a really terrific film, and it stars Rose Byrne, and it's called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. I'm in the movie as well, and so is ASAP Rocky. There's a lot of just brain twisters here.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:45Conan O'Brien?

  Because America has been saying, how come Conan O'Brien and ASAP Rocky haven't been in a film together yet? Well, guess what? Problem solved.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:53Conan O'Brien?

  We're in a film together. The new Bogey and Bacall. We are. Tracy and Hepburn. If all of our movies were just together now, we're like Hope and Crosby. But it was a wonderful experience. The movie's out now, and it's in New York, and it's in Los Angeles. And I think it will start appearing in other areas soon after that. And I'm just very happy, just very happy for... Congratulations. Well, thank you.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  This is exciting for you.

• 3:23Conan O'Brien?

  I get these, I'm in some intense scenes with Rose Byrne, who is, I think, one of the great actors on the planet right now. I really do. She can do anything.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  I love her so much.

• 3:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, get in line, buddy.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:41Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't mean to be that aggressive.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  I know. We both can like her.

• 3:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's all right. Just not as much as me.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Oh, I like her more.

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  So, this is a chat with the director, Mary Bronstein, who is such an impressive force. And she made this whole world spring from her mind, and it was just an honor to get to work with her. So, we'll be talking to her today.

• 4:13Conan O'Brien?

  Please welcome Mary Bronstein.

• 4:18Conan O'Brien?

  Did you manifest this whole relationship?

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Yes, I did.

• 4:21Conan O'Brien?

  You did, actually. There's a whole story here.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. We're gonna get into it.

• 4:25Conan O'Brien?

  Let me initiate, anyone who doesn't know what's going on here. Mary Bronstein, very talented screenwriter, director, auteur, has made a movie.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  I did.

• 4:36Conan O'Brien?

  Called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. This is not your first movie, but you made this film. And it stars Rose Byrne. And I'm in there too.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:47Conan O'Brien?

  Improvably. We'll get to that glitch in your career. But the response has been fantastic and stunning. And the movie's coming out soon.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 5:01Conan O'Brien?

  Working with you has been a joy and a great journey. I don't get to say journey often, but it really has been a journey.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:09Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm just so delighted you're here, really.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  I am. This is like a Twilight Zone moment for me. You know, I'm staying in this hotel on the Sunset Strip. Across the street is the Viper Room and the Whiskey. I go into my hotel room. On the coffee table in the hotel room is a magazine with Rose on the cover of it, with me inside of it, talking in the magazine. Not talking in the magazine.

• 5:37Conan O'Brien?

  Quote it. Quote it in the magazine.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  As a proper way to say it.

• 5:40Conan O'Brien?

  But soon, talking magazines are coming.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  I just invented that copyright. A tablet. That's called a tablet. That's called a tablet is a talking magazine. I had to interject in this very important moment.

• 5:50Conan O'Brien?

  So you're painting a great story, and then, of course...

• 5:52Speaker 02

  And then... Sooner or later, I'm gonna take it back. I'm gonna grab it back. And then I'm here. And I have been a fan of yours since, you know, day one. Day one of your original show.

• 6:08Conan O'Brien?

  September 13th, 1993.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  And I'm freshly 14 years old.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Freshly.

• 6:16Conan O'Brien?

  And we actually had like an encounter, didn't we?

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Over a fax machine.

• 6:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Steamy.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. As one does.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  The best romantic scenes.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  As one does.

• 6:29Conan O'Brien?

  Take place over a fax machine.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  In the early 90s, that's what, that's what, that's what you did.

• 6:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yes, I.

• 6:36Conan O'Brien?

  You were a young fan of the show and you were a real fan.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Oh, I can, we, yeah, we can get into that if you want, but I can, yes, I was a real fan. And so I had a school project where it was like, um, pick a career that you want to have and then interview a person in the career. And because this will, this will tell you everything about my, me and my personality. I said, well, I want to be in show business. I'm an interview Conan O'Meara. And what I did was, uh, I figured out I did some sleuthing, some early 90s sleuthing, which is hard to do.

• 7:12Conan O'Brien?

  No internet.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  No internet. And I, there was a little booklet that they used to sell in the drama book shop in New York City called the, called Ross Reports Television. Do you know what I'm talking about?

• 7:24Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  And in it, it had every, uh, like television show and like the contact information. It was for actors to use to like submit to television shows.

• 7:34Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  So I, that's how I got the phone number to the office of the, of the show. And I called and I spoke to some woman and I told her what I wanted to do. And she goes, I can't promise that he's going to do it, but here's the fax number. Fax the questions. And I live in a suburb and here literally, I don't have a fax machine in my house.

• 7:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  So I literally walked down to the gas station. Walked down to the gas station with my papers.

• 8:01Conan O'Brien?

  I love this portrait of another time.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  I know.

• 8:03Conan O'Brien?

  I finished churning my butter.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  I did.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  Then I walked down to the gas station.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  I sewed my outfit and I put it on. And I, you know, and I walked down to the gas station and I faxed it. And then, and then I was like, but wait a minute, how am I gonna know if it faxes back? So then every, literally for, for the next week, every probably like two hours, I called the gas station. Did I get a fax? Did I get a fax? And one day they said, yes, you did. And I go, and you answered my questions, man.

• 8:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  And, and I learned, and, and you revealed some things. Like I know that you took tap dancing lessons when you were a kid because you answered, you put that in the questions. I wrote my essay, the teacher gave me an A, but also didn't kind of believe it, I think.

• 8:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  A little bit, a little bit. But that happened and also that says a lot about, it says a lot about me. My middle name is Tenacity. And it says a lot about you, your middle name is Mensch. And, and that is.

• 9:02Conan O'Brien?

  And also time on his hands.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Look, I don't know. I'm just gonna fax some gas stations. And it was in your handwriting. You filled, you filled it out with your handwriting. You didn't bother to type it.

• 9:17Conan O'Brien?

  My handwriting is like typing. Do you still have that fax?

• 9:20Speaker 02

  I do, and I should have brought it.

• 9:22Conan O'Brien?

  That's okay.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  But I didn't, but I do.

• 9:24Conan O'Brien?

  I don't want people to see that I do little smiley faces and I dot my i's with smiley faces. Uh, and then a heart when I say goodbye.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  But it was a beautiful thing and I, and I, it was something that I know, that, that really, it was like, oh, people in show business, you can, it's not inaccessible. That was my first, that was, I, I grew up, my parents were teachers. I grew up in suburb. I grew up, like, I didn't know anyone who was in show business or anyone that was even making, an artist. The fact that you could make a living as an artist, that was, I didn't know about that.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's exactly my same experience with growing up, and I've said this a million times. Never saw anyone famous.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 10:04Conan O'Brien?

  I felt like I was as far from show business. I didn't think it was something that I could ever do.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  It was, you know, saying, oh yeah, I'll live on Mars. I mean, it was.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Absolutely. It feels that far away. It feels that far away.

• 10:18Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, so.

• 10:21Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, you know, it's funny because I want to now tell the story of how I come into this whole picture.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Yes, please do.

• 10:28Conan O'Brien?

  Which is, one day I was going down to a place that's near my house to get some stuff for lunch.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:36Conan O'Brien?

  My phone rings and it's Adam Sandler. So I rushed to a fax machine.

• 10:46Conan O'Brien?

  No, I, uh, I pick it up and he's like, "Hey buddy, um, the, uh, is it okay if I give, like, one of the Safdie brothers your phone number?"

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Josh Safdie.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  Josh Safdie. Just, "Is it okay if I give Josh Safdie, uh, from A24?" Uh, they wanted, they wanna, someone wants you in a film, an A24 film.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Some lady.

• 11:10Conan O'Brien?

  Some lady. And I said, "What?" And he said, "Do you wanna just look at the script?" And I said, "I guess so. I mean, yeah, I guess so." And he went, "That's right, buddy." Like, "Are you stupid?" A24, Safdie, script.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Lady that you don't know.

• 11:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, lady that I don't know, who claims she has a letter from you.

• 11:34Conan O'Brien?

  And so, I read the script and I, again, I don't pretend to know, this is not my world. I can't say that enough. But I read the script and I immediately thought, there is a, this is a very original voice, this is a very original story, and there's great tone control. There's just, there's a tone to this movie that just comes off the page. And again, I'm saying this as someone who doesn't read scripts professionally. I don't know that world, but I know what I like. And so, you and I had a meeting.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 12:09Conan O'Brien?

  And I took the meeting just to try and maybe talk you out of having me.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  That was the meeting.

• 12:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  You kept saying, "I love the script, I wanna do it, I don't, I can't do it, I've never acted, I don't think I can do it."

• 12:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  "I don't, I do wanna do it, but I can't do it." That was the whole, that was the whole meeting.

• 12:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  And then I said, "Well..."

• 12:28Conan O'Brien?

  It's like Faye Dunaway in Chinatown. You kept slapping me.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  My sister, my mother.

• 12:31Conan O'Brien?

  "I don't wanna do it, I gotta do it, my sister, my mother, my sister, my brother."

• 12:35Speaker 02

  100%. And so, it was one of those moments. And so, I said to you, "Well, I think you can do it." Um, and then you said... That you were in a place in your life where you were doing like a radical yes.

• 12:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I was saying yes to things that scared me.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  That scared you and you said, so that's the place that I'm gonna say yes from. And then you said, but if I, you said, you made me promise you that if you sucked, that I would fire you and that we could still be friends.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's not too late for that.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  It is, it literally is too late.

• 13:05Conan O'Brien?

  That's why you're here?

• 13:06Speaker 02

  It literally is too late.

• 13:08Conan O'Brien?

  And she does feel that way, but it's too late.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  I could go back to the editing room, but if you see the movie, it'd be very bizarre if I edited you out.

• 13:16Conan O'Brien?

  You could just, funny if you just, um, cut from Rose Byrne talking to me and it's just a bag of golf balls.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Just a bag of golf balls that says therapist.

• 13:25Conan O'Brien?

  Where it has a crude face paint on it.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Therapist here.

• 13:29Conan O'Brien?

  So, uh.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  No, but you're fabulous. You showed up and you did it and you worked hard and you're fabulous and accept it. Take the compliment, accept it.

• 13:36Conan O'Brien?

  I killed it.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Yes, you did.

• 13:39Conan O'Brien?

  I think what was funny is I did make you promise. I said, I don't wanna be

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:45Conan O'Brien?

  the guy that ruins your great, I think this thing is terrific. Then Rose signs on, Rose Byrne, and I'm like, oh my god.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 13:53Conan O'Brien?

  I've never seen

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Scene partner.

• 13:55Conan O'Brien?

  Rose Byrne be anything but fantastic.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  She's one of the best though. She's one of the best that we have.

• 14:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I mean, really.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  One of the best working actors we have today.

• 14:05Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, this was such a different chance for her, a distant role for her. And I, but when you said Rose Byrne is going to be your scene partner, um, I had two instincts. The repressed Irish Catholic boy in me was like, I love her so much.

• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe she'll smile at me, you know?

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Your tongue like rolled out like a, yeah.

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  Who doesn't? If you've got a pulse, uh, you have a crush on, on Rose Byrne.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  I have a crush on her.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  I do too. I'm obsessed with her.

• 14:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and so I, um, I was delighted, but also, oh my God, I don't wanna, I can't let Rose burn down. I don't wanna be, and then we had this, I gotta tell you this.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:51Conan O'Brien?

  You will probably remember it. We meet, the three of us are gonna meet.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:55Conan O'Brien?

  You call a meeting and you say, okay, I happen to be in New York, I'm always in LA, but I happen to be in New York.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:01Conan O'Brien?

  So we all meet at this midtown hotel.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  So we all meet in person. Yeah.

• 15:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. So we meet and Rose doesn't disappoint. She shows up, I mean, um, she just, you know, oh, she was on the subway. She comes in.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  She takes the subway.

• 15:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I'm in my mind thinking, she'll come here in a white carriage.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  No.

• 15:20Conan O'Brien?

  You know, like, I'm just such a besotted fool. She's a princess. And, uh.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  But not me, you weren't worried about how I got there?

• 15:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't give a shit how you get there. You're tough.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  This is what, anyway, go on with the story.

• 15:37Conan O'Brien?

  And so, the three of us are there, and then Rose really quickly starts to, you're like, oh, I'm really excited and this is gonna be great. And Rose looks at me and she goes, uh, Conan, um, so what acting have you done?

• 15:50Speaker 02

  I did do that.

• 15:50Conan O'Brien?

  And she did that, and I said, well, I haven't really done anything. I mean, I've been in sketches on, and she went, uh huh, yeah, not sketches. And she's doing it in this, she is so funny.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  She's so funny and so sweet.

• 16:02Conan O'Brien?

  And, and she's very sweet. She wasn't doing this from, but she's doing this from like a kid's sister.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:09Conan O'Brien?

  Giving Conan a hard time.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  It was like, Conan, like, what, what, what, what, what movies have you been in?

• 16:15Conan O'Brien?

  Have you been in, and I was like, well, I haven't really been in any movies, Rose, and.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  But you can't call her on it, cause she's doing it in such a sweet way.

• 16:21Conan O'Brien?

  And she's doing it in such a sweet way. And then she said, uh huh, and she said, well, but you must have been in some, like in high school where you went plays? And I went, I wasn't really in plays, no. And she's like, huh.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  And she looked at me.

• 16:32Conan O'Brien?

  And then she looked at you.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  She was like.

• 16:34Conan O'Brien?

  Like, what are you doing with your movie, Mary, that I'm in? And then she said, well, you probably took acting classes.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  And I said. She kept going.

• 16:42Conan O'Brien?

  She kept going, and.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  She kept going, and I was like, oh my God. And I was sitting there like, this is, and then.

• 16:49Conan O'Brien?

  You know in those cartoons when someone shrinks because they've been humiliated? I kept getting smaller and smaller, and then I'm sitting on top of a crouton, like it's a massive pillow. I'm just, I'm like, hey, that's a. I'm like, this tiny little person.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  And I'm just swilling drinks.

• 17:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  Just trying to.

• 17:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's a morning meeting and you are pounding vodka back.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Double fisting it. I was like, what is going on? And then Rose looked at me and winked.

• 17:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  And I was like, okay, but also why are you doing that?

• 17:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  But she was doing that, she was doing that to tell you, you gotta work, you're gonna work.

• 17:25Conan O'Brien?

  Which I, which is my modus operandi anyway.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 17:28Conan O'Brien?

  I do not, I've never in my life said, check this out.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  But I wish someone had, I wish someone had filmed that meeting because.

• 17:35Conan O'Brien?

  It's so funny.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  I, first of all, I was just watching it as if it was a scene and loving it on that level. But then as the person who casted both of you and knowing that your scenes are exclusively only with each other.

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  I'm dying a little, not a little, but a lot.

• 17:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  And so then, cause then in my mind, I'm like, oh, after this meeting, Rose is gonna come up to me and be like, he never even took an acting class.

• 18:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  What's going on here?

• 18:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  But she didn't. She came up to me after the meeting and was like, he's so great. I'm so excited. I can't wait. Um, but that's also.

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Blood was coming out her eyes when she said it.

• 18:13Conan O'Brien?

  Are you okay, Rose?

• 18:14Speaker 02

  I lost a couple of years off my life on that one, but guess what? I was right.

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 18:28Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years, you know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 18:56Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:00Conan O'Brien?

  Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 19:16Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space with available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 19:49Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 19:54Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 19:54Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 19:55Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them their stuff.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 19:57Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:07Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:12Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 20:51Speaker 01

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• 20:52Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 20:56Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries. Remember?

• 21:01Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 21:04Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  I don't want to, you know, give spoilers on the movie. This is not a spoiler. You play her therapist.

• 21:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  So the rest of the meeting was us all talking about therapy.

• 21:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Which we all have our, our stories, you know?

• 21:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, then I, I decided you came out here to LA.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Yes, I did.

• 21:44Conan O'Brien?

  Right to this studio in Larchmont.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  I announced to you.

• 21:47Conan O'Brien?

  You said, I'm coming and we're gonna work.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  I didn't ask.

• 21:50Conan O'Brien?

  And so you and I would meet out up this little terrace.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  For four hours a day for one week.

• 21:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Four hours a day. And we would go over and you would drill me on who is this guy? What's his deal? And you had me.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Drill you.

• 22:03Conan O'Brien?

  And all of the things that I have to admit, as a novice, I would be suspicious of.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  It was a boot camp.

• 22:10Conan O'Brien?

  I have to know what kind of shoes this guy likes or what his backstory is.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  You do.

• 22:14Conan O'Brien?

  But you did it and I could see the value of it. And by the time my assistant, David Hopping, came with me.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  I was looking for him. He's on, he's on the road.

• 22:24Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, he's banned. Um, he's being punished.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  David, I love David.

• 22:27Conan O'Brien?

  No, it would be.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. David's great. Come on.

• 22:30Conan O'Brien?

  But David, he's out in the hallway.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  I'm jealous.

• 22:32Conan O'Brien?

  Um, David came with me, uh, and we went to New York for the shooting.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  For the shoot, yeah.

• 22:39Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, and it was, my scenes with Rose are in the smallest office. It's a real office.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Real office.

• 22:47Conan O'Brien?

  It might even be a real therapist office.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  It was. It was a real therapist suite that I, um.

• 22:52Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you use that guy?

• 22:52Speaker 02

  Took over and I completely. Oh. No, I completely re, I completely redid it in my imagination, what I wanted it to be, which is that there's different kinds of therapists, right? We've all been in therapy and we've all been in therapy, right? In here? We all admit it?

• 23:07Conan O'Brien?

  After I got this job.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Sona? Me and Eduardo are looking at each other. No, Sona? No.

• 23:10Conan O'Brien?

  She doesn't need, no, she don't, you don't need to be in therapy.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  I don't need.

• 23:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, you do not.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  I don't think.

• 23:15Conan O'Brien?

  You are Zorba the Greek. You do not need therapy.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Not everybody needs it, but in New York, you throw a pebble, the person's been in therapy. Yeah. Everybody's in therapy. And so I've been, you know, I've had good therapists, I've had bad therapists, I've had every kind of therapist in between. And they all, what I fascinates me is that therapists have different kinds of offices. And I can know when I walk into the office, I'm like. Either I'm like, okay, this is gonna work like this. Or I'm like, I gotta get the fuck out of here, this guy. Oh, can I swear? No. This airs on PBS tomorrow. I just worked blue a little bit. This is being intro'd by Elmo. Why did I ask that? I'm such a dork.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Anyway, so I'm gonna say it again. I go, I gotta get the fuck out of here. And then it's because some therapists take a lot of care in every inch of the room. Having a meaning or a purpose in a therapeutic sense, you know? Like, I'm gonna pick this color for the wall because it's calming. I'm gonna put these knickknacks here because they might elicit something, but they don't tell, they don't give anything away about me. And then some therapists, you go in, there's like a picture of them with like their mom and dog. And like, that's too much. And then there's a therapist that Rose plays, who she's hanging on for the last, the last thread. She just went in, she was like, this is the room?

• 24:45Speaker 02

  Okay, I'll rent it. The furniture that came with the room? Yeah. It's fine. And he's also, I don't clean up my garbage. Come in, come, welcome. And, and you guys are two very different types of therapists. And so, you know, it was a real room. Yeah. Very tiny. And if you remember, the way that I like to direct, or the way that I like to run a set, is that I don't like to be down the hall on a monitor. I'm, I, when I can be, I like to be in the room. And that's because for the rest of time, I will see the performance on a screen. It's my only chance. I set up the shot. I know what, I, I said, you know, I'm not just going in and sitting there.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  I, I, I have, I set up the shot myself. I know what the framing is in my mind. But I watch it live like a play. And it's the greatest pleasure for me. And then I, and then I watch it back and, and then we decide if we're gonna do it again. But watching you guys, you know, I'd be sitting in the little corner. It was a very tiny room. And watching you guys, sometimes I would forget that this was my movie. And I would just be like... Like I'm in, like I'm watching a play. Your, your chemistry and you guys were both so in it. And the work we did, was I correct or incorrect?

• 26:05Conan O'Brien?

  You are a hundred percent correct.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Cause you had, all that's in there.

• 26:09Conan O'Brien?

  Well, the other thing, okay, I'll admit to this, which is I've done a lot of scary things in my career. Terrifying things and I keep doing terrifying things. And I mean physically terrifying things and then just uh, things where I feel like, oh my God, I could really get uh, my career could be shattered here if I, if this doesn't go well.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:28Conan O'Brien?

  And um, this, so I'm used to doing scary things, but there was a moment where it's just Rose and I looking at each other. And we have this intense scene to do.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:41Conan O'Brien?

  And then you say, action and my heart is pounding in my chest, which is not me. I don't, that's not, but for the first take, when we're really doing the movie and I'm aware, there's a whole crew here, there's cameras, there's, this is very intimate. That's Rose and action. Uh, I could feel, you know, when you can feel your circulatory system.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  There's nowhere to hide in that moment.

• 27:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and um, and all my normal tricks of, oh, I can riff, I can come up with a funny distraction. None of that's gonna happen, so. And then, um, I have to say the, the secret weapon in that situation is Rose Byrne, because I would see her go from zero to ninety-five.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 27:28Conan O'Brien?

  And, I mean, I described this to one reporter, but she, she can just,

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:35Conan O'Brien?

  She can just pull her own heart out and rip it in half in front of you. And then you would yell, cut, and she'd say, woo, hey, can I get a sandwich, you know? And I would, I don't, I don't know, I'm not, I, I just said, I don't know that we're the same species. I don't know how you do that, Rose.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  A hundred percent, and I also remember the, and when people watch the movie, they'll know exactly what scene I'm gonna talk, I'm talking about, but I don't wanna give it away. There's a, there's a very intense scene, very intense, where she is literally, and I don't know, and this is, this is you, this is you doing technical acting. I don't know how you did this. She's literally screaming in your face.

• 28:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  One inch from your face.

• 28:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  And it's very intense. And I remember that when I called cut on that, she just started hysterically laughing.

• 28:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  And she couldn't stop. And she like fell off the couch and was like crying laughing.

• 28:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  And it was a release. And you were sitting there and you didn't know what was happening. I knew what was happening.

• 28:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  But you were just like, like, did her brain just break? Like, did you just break Rose Byrne? But when you're doing intense work like that, look, the two, and this is also in the movie. It's baked into the idea of the movie where you're talking about tone in a very calculated way is that is like when something, when the universe is like piling everything onto you and it's like the universe is doing everything to work against you. And something really bad is happening, but then also like you get all the red lights. And then also like your pencil breaks and it's just like too much. You can laugh or you can cry. Those are the two ways that your body physically deals with that. And in this movie, I, I try to do both. I do both of those things.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  But Rose is so the type of actor, she can get a laugh on the heels of a cry.

• 29:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Uh, where I'm cutting it because I know that I'm cutting from her crying. And I know what, what's the next thing and it's, it's a laugh. And I think what is going to surprise people the most that are fans of yours is that your character is devoid of humor.

• 29:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Devote.

• 29:38Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, it's funny, there's a lot of, and again, I don't want to.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  But you get laughs because it's so extreme.

• 29:44Conan O'Brien?

  Well, the other thing is that I, I realized early on, I did not like this character I'm playing. And I used to tell you, I don't like this guy.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  What did I say? Do you remember?

• 29:56Conan O'Brien?

  Shut up and do it.

• 29:59Conan O'Brien?

  I said, I'll put peanut butter on your lips, just.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  I said, where's Greg Kinnear?

• 30:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  I gotta get him.

• 30:04Conan O'Brien?

  Get me Kinnear.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  No, I said you have to love him.

• 30:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Because he's you.

• 30:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  But also you have to release the fact that people in the theater might not like him.

• 30:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Because there's some people in life that you don't like. And if they're on, and there's some people that in a movie that you don't like, and we can't be scared of that.

• 30:24Conan O'Brien?

  Well, this is the other thing that fascinates me. I realized early on, especially when, I mean, multiply this by the thousand, a thousand, once you cast Rose.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:35Conan O'Brien?

  Once Rose Byrne is in the film, and I realize my relationship with that character.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:42Conan O'Brien?

  It's contrary to every instinct I have in my body as Conan.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 30:46Conan O'Brien?

  It is, I am a people pleaser. This will shock you, Matt, but I do very much want, I very much want my, a lot of my career has been trying to put people at ease and make them okay. And make everyone okay.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:00Conan O'Brien?

  And um.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  I'm not letting you do that.

• 31:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, for better or worse, and in this role, I had to do the opposite. And when it's Rose, who was probably, you know, one of the people in show business that I would most want to please. You've made it a thousand times harder.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Impossible.

• 31:19Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm locked in this little room and I realized, oh, I see what this is. That, that helped me a lot was to know, um, any instinct I have, I need to go the other way, almost, you know?

• 31:31Speaker 02

  The George Costanza, like.

• 31:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Now I'm gonna say the opposite, do the opposite of what I would normally do.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  But yeah, and it's, and it's also, it, it, and also for me, it was so magical to see you transform that way. Cause like, like we talked about the beginning, I've, I've been watching you on screen for, for over 30 years. I know, I know that thing that you're talking about, and it's what, uh, made me a fan. And so then it's like this thing, I don't know what that says about me, but then I wanted to take you and, and, and strip all of that off.

• 32:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  So that then you're left with. It's you're left with something. It's so raw what you're doing.

• 32:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  And it's such a trust me. You trusted me.

• 32:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, of course.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  You had in in a way that I'm always going to be grateful for because that is your go to what you're talking about. And I'm saying you're in it's not here. You're not allowed to do any of that.

• 32:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  And you did it so fantastically. That means that it's also part of you.

• 32:31Conan O'Brien?

  And it's also why I would be disbarred as a therapist.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Oh, because you said, can't we just take can't my character just say, let's go for a walk?

• 32:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  Can I just say, go take a nap and I'll babysit? And I'm like, no, you can't.

• 32:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, every instinct, if I was a therapist and would be to completely cross the line and say, well, this sounds rough. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I mean, nothing creepy, but this is what we're gonna do. I'm renting you a hotel room. I'm getting you a hotel room. You get some sleep. I'll look after your kid. I'm gonna go out and get you some tacos.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  I hate a therapist like that. I hate a therapist like that.

• 33:11Conan O'Brien?

  Are you okay now? Oh, how about get you more sleep? That's okay. I'll stand outside the door and guard you.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  And the husband is like, what is this therapist?

• 33:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, what's this guy? What's he up to?

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Renting you hotel rooms.

• 33:21Conan O'Brien?

  So now, now we get to the really, the part where it's getting really surreal to me because I cannot stress enough that movie making film, it's never been on my agenda. And also, it is not, it's the opposite of the kind of art or show business that I'm involved in. Mine is very much.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Immediate.

• 33:39Conan O'Brien?

  We make this. It's immediate. For for almost three decades, it was let's, we'll have an idea at three o'clock in the afternoon that we really like and we'll do it at five and it will air that night.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  So jealous of that. I'm so jealous of that.

• 33:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, there's a yin and yang. There's good, but but and the only experience I had with this long wait was The Simpsons where

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 34:01Conan O'Brien?

  I'd come up with an idea. I'd work on it with all the other writers. We'd make it as good as we could. And then there'd be a year would go by.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Is that true? I never thought about that.

• 34:10Conan O'Brien?

  It's close to a year. I mean, sometimes it's less, but. I think for some of my episodes, it was much, to the point where you almost forgot what this was all about. And then it would come out.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  I never thought about that, yeah.

• 34:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, because it's animation.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:24Conan O'Brien?

  And so, this is very different. And so what happened was, we went through this intense experience. We made this, I'm then released, then I'm doing all the stuff that I do and very much me focused and in my world. And then I'm hearing from you occasionally that editing and da, da, da, da. And then I just, I got to the point where this had completely drifted away from me.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:49Conan O'Brien?

  And then it starts to

• 34:51Speaker 02

  creep back in.

• 34:52Conan O'Brien?

  creep back in, in this very nice way, which is, I'm hearing really nice things. You're very happy. And the one thing I always said is, all I want for you is for you to make the movie you want to make. And you called me up one day and said, we locked it, it's the movie I wanted to make.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  I remember that day. You said, who is this again?

• 35:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  No, I remember that day was, and it was, it was, you were the person I wanted to call and say that to because you said that to me. And the thing is that I can say, and not all people can say this, and on another film I make, I might not be able to say this, but I can say this about this film. I, from my brain to the page, to the screen, I made no creative concessions.

• 35:35Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  But not because it's easy to do that. Because you fight, and you fight, and you fight, and you fight. And then, and you, and you can't not give up. And filmmaking is like the longest con that there is. Because, because of how long it takes to do, and then you have to wait for it to come out. And I was so impatient. And, and the fighting never stops.

• 36:00Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  And I don't mean fighting like people are trying to not let you do it. But just that, if you have an idea. And you know that the idea is correct. Uh, someone else might have a different opinion about it. Yeah. But I don't want that opinion. It's mine. This is mine. Yeah. And so I would fight and, you know, eight twenty-four, I have to say, we're such wonderful partners because I won every fight. Yeah. And sometimes the fights are like, almost like you have to, like I announced, uh, this movie shall have no score. The score is, is sound design. It's only sound design. Mm hmm. Well, that's then it's like, well, you can't do that. You have to have a score. No, I don't. And then that, it doesn't have a score and it's correct for the movie. Yep.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  It's not that, then my next movie might have a score. I don't know. But for this movie, it doesn't. And it doesn't stop. And so when you're saying about what so, I think, uh, when I was, you know, a teenager, what I so responded to, and, and the late night form in general, a Letterman before you and, and, and then, um, and then alongside you, that the form of it feels loose. Yeah. Like that. If you, you feel it through the television when you're watching it, it feels loose and it feels immediate. Right. And it feel, it's ephemeral. So like, say, uh, say, I mean, probably to you, you want to die, but like, if you have an idea, you do the skit or the piece and it, and it like bombs. Yep.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  It's, it's over and then you're on to the next thing. You're doing another show the next day. You're doing another, you're doing another piece after the next commercial break, whatever. And it, and there's an immediacy to that, that I think is so magical, that, um, for me, that's broadcast television. Yeah. And that's the magic of broadcast television. I'm, I'm forty-six years old, so you just drop, that, you know, that was a mic drop. I was, I was limited. You just, you just couldn't believe it, what I said. You're the professional in the room. I said, I'm forty-six years old and he freaked the fuck out.

• 38:00Conan O'Brien?

  He thought twenty-six.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  No, because he's uncomfortable with middle-aged women and he just, I, I understand now. That was.

• 38:06Conan O'Brien?

  Famously.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Wow. Very famously. He's always awkward around people.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  I just dropped my pen. No. Sure you did.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  At the moment I said I was forty-six. You know what? I'll let it go.

• 38:16Conan O'Brien?

  Well, listen, you know, I want to, I want to get to something you said that I think is worth talking about.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:22Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, you said. And again, um, don't want to give away too much about the movie, but you said there's a lot of, there've been many women going crazy movies, but none of them by women. All of them have been made by men. And that was important to you. And I do think that you can feel the difference

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:47Conan O'Brien?

  in the film, that it's your point of view. And it's devoid, and, and look, many men have made many good films about this, but it has to be different than a woman doing it.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  I don't take anything away from any of those films. All those films are inside my body and my DNA. And they come out through my work somehow. But I, one time I, one time I heard Denzel Washington say something that I really, it stuck with me. Because the interviewer said to him, well, why is it so important to you? I forget even what the movie he was promoting, but why was, why is it so important to you that the, the filmmakers and the whatever are also black? And he said, it's not about color. It's not about race. It's about culture. He's like, I know what it feels like and smells like to have a hot comb go through my hair on a Sunday morning. Okay, I don't know what that is, right? And it's the same way that a man doesn't know what it's like

• 39:44Speaker 02

  to be socialized in a society as a girl and grow up and to be a woman. They just don't. Like, I don't know what it's like to be a man. And it's fine. I can write a movie about a man. A man can write a movie about a woman. I can write a movie about a black person. Black person can't write a, it doesn't matter. But it's that thing of, it's culture, it's experience. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's just baked in. And so it's, I think it's 2025 and it's still radical for people to tell their own stories, which is wild to me. Um, filmmaking is a, is a male-dominated field. Um, you know, and, and that's just the way it is. And so my whole thing is like, it doesn't have to be the way it is. Why is it the way it is?

• 40:29Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna radically, all I care about is, is putting, creating characters.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Female characters that are full human beings that are on the screen. And we know those, we know those women. We have encountered those women in different ways. Sometimes we are those women.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  And, and, and we, and we might love them, or we might not like them. Or we might see ourselves in them, or we might say, they might scare us. None of that's bad. It's all great because the thing about movies is that you are in a theater. And you're, you are in, you are, you are asked to get into somebody else's point of view. Into somebody else's life. Whether it's, whether, like you brought up Chinatown, like, or like some of my favorite movies, like Bonnie and Clyde, movies that you immerse yourself in, like The Shining. Like, like you, you forget yourself. That's the idea of a movie. That's the magic of movies. You forget yourself, you forget your life, and then you open the door.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Best thing is if you see a movie in the daytime and you open the door and you forget it's daytime and the sun hits you in the face.

• 41:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  That's magical. That's movies. That means that you forgot.

• 41:39Conan O'Brien?

  You were transported.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Yes. And if you're, um, people are scared, be, uh, uh, people are scared of, of, of being asked to get into somebody else's, uh, mind or point of view that they're not familiar with, you know? And for me, I, I, just in a radical way, I just want to push that as far as it goes, you know? I'm not a provocator, provocateur, provocateur. I'm not one. I'm wearing a.

• 42:05Conan O'Brien?

  You're still not one, you can't even say it.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Provocateur, provocateur. Now I'm just gonna keep saying it.

• 42:10Conan O'Brien?

  I am no provocateur.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Provocateur, because it's such a, a pretentious word to say. Because you have to say it with an accent. I hate that. I'm wearing a John Waters t-shirt. He is one.

• 42:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  He is one. But he, he is a, a huge influence on my work because he's just like, you know what? I have an idea, I'm gonna put it on film. You like it, you don't like it, doesn't matter.

• 42:37Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:40Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 42:55Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 43:08Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid is fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 43:28Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty, it's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 44:02Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for one.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 44:09Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm dumb.

• 44:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression.

• 44:21Conan O'Brien?

  Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:38Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 44:38Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 44:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  No, that's not the point of this.

• 44:42Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  It's so much money.

• 44:44Conan O'Brien?

  Click, Sona can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Right, right, right, right.

• 44:54Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:06Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 45:24Conan O'Brien?

  Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Me, too.

• 45:33Conan O'Brien?

  You can try rules like no sipping until the appetizer arrives, or you tell your friend, "Don't let me touch my glass." But every time you're staring at an empty glass... So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:52Conan O'Brien?

  Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 46:05Conan O'Brien?

  I also just want to point out that, to people that are just listening, there's some... there's a lot of humor in the movie.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:10Conan O'Brien?

  And I don't want to give anything away, but you pitched me one thing that I thought, "I don't see how this is gonna work," and it involves like a puppet.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 46:19Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought...

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Oh, there's puppets in this movie.

• 46:21Conan O'Brien?

  Nice.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Oh, there's puppets.

• 46:23Conan O'Brien?

  It's so over the top. And the comedy is really dark, which is my favorite kind.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  Yes, gallows humor.

• 46:29Conan O'Brien?

  It's gallows humor, but there's a puppet scene, and I thought, "There's... This..." I was reading the script.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  But you said you laughed out loud when you read it in the script.

• 46:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, I laughed. I thought it was really funny, but I also thought, "I don't see how this is gonna work." And then it's one of my favorite things. It's really ridiculous.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Because, do you know why? If you're gonna use puppets in a movie, you do it. Like, my whole thing, I don't... There's no way that, I'm not tricking anybody into thinking that it's not a puppet.

• 46:58Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Right?

• 46:59Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  I can say without giving anything away, it involves a hamster.

• 47:02Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Is, you know, uh...

• 47:04Conan O'Brien?

  And also, I'm a puppet.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  You're not a puppet. Well, yes, you are. You are my puppet. And I was the puppet master in that way.

• 47:11Conan O'Brien?

  People were gonna watch it and there's like a cardboard Conan going, "Whoa, okay, Rose." I call her Rose. "Okay, Rose," that's another thing you kept saying, "Cut."

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Cut, that's not her name.

• 47:19Conan O'Brien?

  "How are you, Rose Byrne? Cut."

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Rose Byrne from, from movies and television. How are you?

• 47:24Conan O'Brien?

  Hello, famed Rose Byrne. I'm your therapist. Cut!

• 47:29Conan O'Brien?

  Conan, oh, right.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  No, with the puppets, it's like, I don't care. It's like the, um, The Muppet Show.

• 47:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Is a big influence on me. Uh, you know, I don't watch The Muppet Show now as an adult. It lives inside my D- it's part of my DNA.

• 47:44Conan O'Brien?

  All these things are, yeah.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  And it's like, you see, you see strings on The Muppet Show. You see strings. You see sometimes, you see, it doesn't matter because you're watching a puppet and no one's trying to pretend that you're not, right? And there's something radical about that. And there's something so, um, it, it, it's visceral. It's visceral.

• 48:03Conan O'Brien?

  I'll tell you one of the most shocking things I've seen in my life.

• 48:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:07Conan O'Brien?

  In my New York existence, being asked to do something on Sesame Street and going over to...

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 48:13Conan O'Brien?

  Queens or Brooklyn, wherever they were.

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Please tell me the story. I've been living for this.

• 48:16Conan O'Brien?

  I, I go in and there's like, "Okay, Conan, we're gonna shoot this thing and Elmo's there and you're gonna be here." And I, I'm just looking around because it's where they shoot everything. And it's limited space because it's a very urban warehouse or, uh, studio. And so, the, I look up and they have lashed Snuffleufagus to the ceiling. And it's, you know, it...

• 48:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 48:41Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta keep him somewhere. He's not, they lashed him to the ceiling and it looks exactly like the guard that Hannibal Lecter flaves and puts up. Skins and hangs out.

• 48:53Speaker 02

  And you're shocked.

• 48:54Conan O'Brien?

  And it's Snuffleupagus.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  And you're an adult and you're still shocked.

• 48:56Conan O'Brien?

  I'm an adult. I was in my 30s. I looked up and I went, "Sweet Christ, no!" And he's inanimate. His eyes have rolled back in his head.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  That's so scary.

• 49:05Conan O'Brien?

  And he's lashed to the ceiling and something, the genius of The Muppets is when they're animated, you believe.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  You talk to them.

• 49:13Conan O'Brien?

  So when you see Snuffleupagus hollowed out, drained of his blood, and lashed to the ceiling by a serial killing monster.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  That's horrifying. Did he have to be on the ceiling?

• 49:24Conan O'Brien?

  Because I guess they didn't, and they just hoist him up. We gotta clear this space. It's a 90 pound, 170 pound costume. So, yeah.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:33Conan O'Brien?

  And then when they were done with me, they lashed me to the ceiling.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:36Conan O'Brien?

  Dun dun dun dun dun dun. That's him in that bit. But anyway.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  I went to the Sesame Street workshop one time because I, my best friend Amy, who's here in the other room.

• 49:48Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I know Amy, yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Because she's, she's my best friend. She's the best.

• 49:52Conan O'Brien?

  We'll see.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Well, you know what, Conan, you know what?

• 49:54Conan O'Brien?

  I'm very competitive with Amy.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  You could.

• 49:56Conan O'Brien?

  She was like, "I'm her best friend." And I'm like, "Well, I don't know."

• 49:59Speaker 02

  You could, you could, you could work it. You could work it.

• 50:02Conan O'Brien?

  I'm buying you a car.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 50:05Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna get you land upstate.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  To death.

• 50:07Conan O'Brien?

  Rye, New York. Lot of land.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  Very neat. Rye, New York. I have family that lives there. Let's pick somewhere more exciting where I haven't been.

• 50:13Conan O'Brien?

  Bermuda.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  And I'm driving a car there that you bought me because you shipped it there?

• 50:17Conan O'Brien?

  I shipped it there at my own expense.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Oh. And what does my house look like?

• 50:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's made of $100,000 bills.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  And, and do I have to work?

• 50:25Conan O'Brien?

  You never have to work again. But you do have to show up for your foot massage done by a professional's foot masseuse, whose name's Guillermo.

• 50:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:34Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, I've got this all figured out. I'm your new best friend.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  Do you see my face right now? I'm a little bit, you know what? I'm tempted.

• 50:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  But I don't, I don't think you can pull it off.

• 50:43Conan O'Brien?

  I can.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  I think you're just talking, I think you're, you're telling, you're selling me some snake oil over here.

• 50:52Conan O'Brien?

  Pen drop moment.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  But what I was gonna say was that she took a puppetry class in college, you know, as, as, as, as one does to spend our parents' money very wisely.

• 51:02Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  And, uh, and, and the culmination of the class is that they were gonna go see the Sesame Street. And I said, I said, guess what? I'm gonna pretend to be in the class. I'm going on this trip. And I did, I showed up and I was a-

• 51:15Conan O'Brien?

  You lied to the Sesame Street gang.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  I, I was sneaking, I was just saying, I want that professor to see me.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  I'd be so excited.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  And I went in there and I saw, here's what I saw, my friend. I saw Big Bird's legs not attached to his body.

• 51:28Conan O'Brien?

  Horrifying. It's a, it's a, it's a ghoul's paradise in there.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  And they were fixing them, they were fixing them and putting, refelting them or whatever it was. And they were on a table, like a, like a surgeon's table, and they were attached to no body. And I, and I couldn't ask a question, but in my mind, I was like, where's the rest of Big Bird?

• 51:48Conan O'Brien?

  In a wheelchair, yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  God, he had no legs, man.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  That's where I came up, and then I came up with the title for this movie.

• 51:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Exactly, if I had legs. No, it's a horse.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  I brought it back around.

• 51:59Conan O'Brien?

  You brought it around, you made it work. Never go to the Sesame Street set, I'm just telling you, it's horrifying.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  I need to hide that stuff.

• 52:06Conan O'Brien?

  The two old men up in the balcony who criticized the show.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  That's me.

• 52:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, guess what? I saw their genitals nailed to a wall.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  Oh, boy. You know what? You know what?

• 52:15Conan O'Brien?

  There's no reason for that.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  You took it, you took it a little far.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  You did.

• 52:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's what I do, my name is Johnny Too Far.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  No, they don't have genitals. That's not cool.

• 52:22Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I wanna get to the happiest part of this whole thing is that I'm going to New York next week. I'm gonna do Colbert's show.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:31Conan O'Brien?

  And I get to throw to a clip. Oh, wow. And I might have spent-

• 52:35Speaker 02

  That's who picks the clip.

• 52:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  I'm picking that clip, baby.

• 52:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it's so, what's crazy to me is I've spent a whole career making fun of the idea of throwing to a clip.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  You have to set it up.

• 52:46Conan O'Brien?

  And now I'm going to throw to a real clip.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  I never thought of that before.

• 52:51Conan O'Brien?

  And I, my whole life has been, what's a good bit about throwing to a clip? Never throw to a clip.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Mac and me.

• 52:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, all my work with Mr. Paul Rudd has been-

• 52:59Speaker 01

  That top that.

• 53:00Conan O'Brien?

  No, and so-

• 53:01Speaker 02

  What if I Mac and me you, but it's not Mac and me, it's something else?

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Now I gotta think about, but I have to think of my career.

• 53:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. You do.

• 53:12Conan O'Brien?

  Fortunately, I do not have to think about my career anymore.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  If I did that.

• 53:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. They would say, what happened? We're not releasing this film.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  No, and it was just Don Knotts. Yeah.

• 53:22Conan O'Brien?

  To a conversation we had off mic about Mr. Don Knotts. One of the greats of all time.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  When are we not talking about Don Knotts?

• 53:29Conan O'Brien?

  And then.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  So what are you gonna do? You thought about it?

• 53:32Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna throw to a club.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  He's gonna say, he's gonna say, do you wanna say something about the set it up?

• 53:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know which clip it is.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not gonna tell you. That's the tricky part. No, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you.

• 53:44Conan O'Brien?

  But it's just so funny to me to be, I'm here to put my, no, so all right, well, Conan's movie opens.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta accept it, man.

• 53:51Conan O'Brien?

  Blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'm going for it.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  You're a movie star now.

• 53:55Conan O'Brien?

  But I am very, you know, I have two strong feelings about this whole endeavor, which is, I am just so happy for Rose Byrne because she is being noticed in a big way.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  Hiding in plain sight.

• 54:13Conan O'Brien?

  Hiding in plain sight, which is what you said to me about Rose. I'm gonna cast this person who everyone loves, who's amazing, and she needs, now it's her time. You nailed it, and I'm thrilled for you because you have been, you are incredibly tenacious. There were many hurdles, many obstacles. You had to overcome a lot. You got this made, and you're a very, very impressive person, and I'm thrilled to be your second best, second best friend.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  Second best friend.

• 54:45Conan O'Brien?

  The movie is, if I had legs, I'd kick you. And when, when is the premiere date? When does this happen?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  So it comes out in New York and LA on, on October 10th, and then all other major cities on the 17th. And then after that.

• 55:00Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm going to like a premiere next week.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  Oh, you're going to premiere at the New York Film Festival.

• 55:06Conan O'Brien?

  I bought a feather boa for this.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Oh, that's an interesting choice.

• 55:10Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean interesting? That's what all the actresses do.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  You know what? Actresses. Actresses, yeah. Actresses. But you know what? We can gender bend. We don't, it's fine. It's all, you know, it's okay.

• 55:21Conan O'Brien?

  I've been gender bending for a long time. No one's quite sure what I am.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  Bending, yours bending.

• 55:26Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, Mary Bronstein.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 55:28Conan O'Brien?

  Go, go, go. Never stop.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 55:31Conan O'Brien?

  Do your thing.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 55:32Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm really proud of you. I'm your avuncular pal.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  You know what? You are.

• 55:36Conan O'Brien?

  I really am.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  And you always tell me that you're proud of me and I appreciate it. I really do.

• 55:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  Because you know what? I'm proud of you.

• 55:42Conan O'Brien?

  I can't handle.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Do it, accept it, accept it.

• 55:46Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I accept it. I just threw it up. Podcast over. Pen drop.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 57:04Speaker 04

  Hey, that's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 57:23Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, hey, man.

• 57:25Speaker 04

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the Claw. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 57:35Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 57:38Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 57:38Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka Seltzer Cold?

• 57:44Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 57:45Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that, David?

• 57:46Speaker 04

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 57:47Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 57:48Speaker 04

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 57:50Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  Did you?

• 57:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka Seltzer Cold into the water.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  You do, yeah.

• 57:58Conan O'Brien?

  Alka Seltzer Cold: Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief FAST! Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka Seltzer Cold: Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.