How to Change Your Limiting Thoughts & Beliefs Around Success, Self-Love & Happiness w/Lilly Singh EP 1250

Lilly Singh is a Canadian comedian, actress, former talk show host, and YouTuber. Singh has found worldwide fame through her comedic and inspirational content, amassing nearly 40 million followers across her social media channels alongside projects with NBC, Netflix and other major Hollywood studios via her production company Unicorn Island Productions. She's written a new book, BE A TRIANGLE: How I Went from Being Lost to Getting MY Life into Shape In this episode we discuss:The key to living a fulfilling lifeThe biggest mistake people make with manifestingHow to approach failureHow to value yourself beyond your work For more, go to lewishowes.com/1250Purchase Lilly's new book here: Be A Triangle: How I Went from Being Lost to Getting My Life into Shape Mel Robbins: The “Secret” Mindset Habit to Building Confidence and Overcoming Scarcity: https://link.chtbl.com/970-podDr. Joe Dispenza on Healing the Body and Transforming the Mind: https://link.chtbl.com/826-podMaster Your Mind and Defy the Odds with David Goggins: https://link.chtbl.com/715-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lilly Singh?

  I thought to myself, you have such an extraordinary life. You get to do amazing things. You have a dope career. The fact that you still feel lost and confused and sad was very upsetting to me because I thought, what would have to happen in your life to not feel this way? And what I've concluded is this.

• 0:16Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:39Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, everyone, to School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest, the inspiring Lilly Singh in the house.

• 0:44Lilly Singh?

  What up? Thanks for having me back.

• 0:46Lewis Howes?

  Of course, very excited. You have inspired the world with your creative talents, with your writing, your acting, now voiceover, this book, the videos you make is what you're really known for. But in this book, I got to dive in a little bit already. In the book, you talk about identity, you talk about hustling, success, depression, lies that have been, you've been telling yourself for a long time, the relationship with yourself, manifesting, the relationship with the universe, all these different things. I'm curious, what was the biggest lie that you feel like you lived? Or I thought you, you thought was a real truth, but you realized this is a big lie?

• 1:21Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, there's a few that I've subscribed to and that I've been like, hmm, I don't know if that was absolutely correct. And it's always so hard when I get this question because I'm like, was it a lie or did I genuinely believe it at that time? Because I was in a different spot.

• 1:33Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 1:33Lilly Singh?

  The best example I have of this, I think, is for most of my life, I truly believed there was one definition to success. I believe this. I think it's the way I was raised, maybe the fact that I had immigrant parents that like they had one definition of success. It was, you go to work, you work really hard, you get money, you provide for your family, and that is success.

• 1:51Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:52Lilly Singh?

  I subscribe to that, you know? So I worked hard in school. I wanted to get a good job to make money, to then support myself and eventually a family. And so I think, even though I don't have the family and I'm still single, I really use just work as my definition of success. Awards. Oh, I won an award. I remember the first time I won a streaming. If you don't know what a streaming is, it's a YouTube associated award. But the first time I won it, that really meant so much to me, to the point where I was like, oh, I am now a more valuable person now because I have this award. When I reach milestones of numbers on YouTube, I am now, I add more value now. I am better now as a person because I have a million more people following me. And I hustled a lot and I worked on, on my professional life a lot and I thought that's what success was.

• 2:38Lilly Singh?

  And I believed that for lots of ten years and I think now I'm in the point in my life where I think that's one definition of success. Because actually, when I have a day where I'm really, I make great memories with people, that feels like a success to me now. It never used to, but now I'm like, no, that actually feels, I made a new friend today. That feels like success. I've redefined what success means to me.

• 3:00Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like it would have been successful if you didn't have, you know, forty plus million followers? The awards, the money, the, you know, the TV shows, the New York Times, bestselling books? Do you feel like if it was ten, fifteen years ago, if you just had a great moment throughout the day where you were connecting with a friend? That would have been success?

• 3:16Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely not. Hundred percent. So I think I can be really honest in saying this. I know this is a little bit of a scary conversation because mental health is so important and rest is so important. I'm of the belief that I had two chapters in my life thus far. One was hustle hard. You can't say no. It doesn't matter if the thing is annoying. You do the thing. Doesn't matter if the gig is free. You do the gig. Climb the ladder, climb the ladder, climb the ladder. And the reason I climbed the ladder is because I thought one day I will get to a place where I can call the shots and I can do what makes me happy. But the issue is you get so caught up in the climb and you get so caught up in this race that you forget that was over the goal to begin with. So I think I've recently recognized that actually you don't need to do all this anymore. There was a time and place for that. But you can actually find joy. You can actually say no to things that are not exciting to you.

• 4:01Lilly Singh?

  You can make those, and this is a very privileged conversation, I'm aware, but I think a lot of us have earned that privilege. We don't exercise it though.

• 4:07Lewis Howes?

  Do you think you would have been able to find joy? If you would have known this, let's say your body knew this, do you think you would have been able to do this before you accomplished though?

• 4:14Lilly Singh?

  No way.

• 4:15Lewis Howes?

  No way, so you had to experience.

• 4:16Lilly Singh?

  You have to go through a certain amount of torture, I believe, I really believe that. You have to, like, and, and a lot of how I learned this was, I had two seasons of a late night show. And I've talked about this a lot, that that was.

• 4:26Lewis Howes?

  This was a big deal.

• 4:27Lilly Singh?

  It was a big deal.

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  This is a massive moment. I remember the announcement, it was like Fallon and.

• 4:32Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, it was, it was a whole, it was a whole thing and.

• 4:34Lewis Howes?

  Big thing. And what did that teach you?

• 4:36Lilly Singh?

  Well, I'll tell you right now, I'll be honest. So, a lot of people have asked, what was your reaction when you got that call from NBC? And I think for a couple of years, I, I kind of lied, to be honest. I was like, oh, I was so excited. And of course, I said yes. The truth is, I actually said no first. A lot of people don't know this. I said no, because I never grew up with late night. I never had a dream to be a late night host. That wasn't necessarily exciting to me. But then, so many people said to me, this could be historic. There, you know, there's, it's been over thirty years since there's been a woman. A woman of color, even longer, someone who's South Asian the first time ever. And so, there was a little bit of ego there, where I thought, I want, of course, be part of this epic moment. But there was a little bit of pressure as well to think, if I say no to this, and it goes to someone else, that history would have never been made.

• 5:21Lilly Singh?

  So I really did this to help pave a path. I was naive in thinking that that reason would help me endure the seasons of that show that were very difficult. But, um, that taught me that no, actually being passionate about something and, and having fun while doing it, they're really undervalued. We don't value fun and passion enough, I feel.

• 5:41Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 5:42Lilly Singh?

  I never did in my life.

• 5:43Lewis Howes?

  Do you value now?

• 5:44Lilly Singh?

  I do now.

• 5:45Lewis Howes?

  You do more now?

• 5:45Lilly Singh?

  I do.

• 5:46Lewis Howes?

  You seem more relaxed.

• 5:47Lilly Singh?

  I am more relaxed.

• 5:49Lilly Singh?

  No, but it's been, I'm learning a lot of things, because my parents, I had never in my entire life have seen my parents ever do something because it was fun, or it was their passion. If I ask my mom right now today, what are your hobbies? She will say none. And she will say, I'm too old to have hobbies. And all of their decisions are based on survival. They're based on, I need to save money, I need to survive. And that is how I have behaved for years and years and years. I have finally given myself the permission to let go of that trauma, and understand where it comes from, and say. I can actually do things that are fun, just because they're fun. Even if the paycheck's low, but they're fun.

• 6:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 6:23Lilly Singh?

  That should hold some value.

• 6:25Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting. Now that I'm thinking back, every time I've spent time with you, which is not that many times, maybe a handful of times we've hung out, I try to play a game with you.

• 6:33Lilly Singh?

  Oh, yeah?

• 6:33Lewis Howes?

  We played ping pong when I was at your house like years ago.

• 6:36Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 6:37Lewis Howes?

  I've got Papa Shot basketball in the other room. So after this, we'll play a 60-second game. 60 seconds of fun. We were at a, you know, a birthday party one time, having fun, so my goal is to bring joy to your life every time we hang out. Even 60 seconds of joy.

• 6:51Lilly Singh?

  And you do. Thank you.

• 6:53Lewis Howes?

  But I think that should be all of our opportunity when we're connecting with friends, is how to find joy in play.

• 6:57Lilly Singh?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:57Lewis Howes?

  Even when it's really stressful. 60 seconds of play.

• 7:00Lilly Singh?

  Most of us are in the habit of survival, even though our circumstances do not require survival, you know? And that's what I'm trying to unlearn.

• 7:08Lewis Howes?

  How do we get out of that? Some people, they might feel like I am in survival mode. I've got to work 12 to 14 hours a day.

• 7:15Lilly Singh?

  And perhaps they are, and that's fair.

• 7:16Lewis Howes?

  I don't have downtime right now at this season of life. But most of us, we're not, so how do we get out of that?

• 7:21Lilly Singh?

  And I want to emphasize that's fair. If you're in survival mode, more power to you, do what you need to do. But most of us, I would say, that is not our circumstance, but we're so used to behaving like that, so we continue doing it. But what really helped me was learning where these behaviors come from. You know, and I think it is a lot of, especially for kids of immigrants, it's a lot of generational trauma. It's all about, I'll give you a prime example. My parents, and I think most brown kids, if there's any brown kids listening to this, we get so upset with our parents because we think, my parents only care what people think. You know, Indian parents really care what people think. I'm sure this is true across many cultures. And that used to bother me as a teen. I used to have a lot of friction with my parents. You care so much what other people think, more than you care about me. You don't love me as much as you love other people's opinions, and I never, ever would understand why.

• 8:07Lilly Singh?

  And then as an adult, I was like, let me actually look at my parents, and let me actually really dive into this. They actually had to care what other people think.

• 8:15Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 8:15Lilly Singh?

  Because they immigrated to Canada in the 1970s. The only people they knew were other family members. That was their only support system. And so if someone thought ill of them, that kind of would impact their survival and their resources, which is why they care so much about the family, thinking they're, you know, on good terms. So that caused a lot of friction with me when I'm like, I want to make YouTube videos. I want to pierce my belly button, you know? I'm, oh, I'm actually coming out. I'm buying out. They're, this rattles every part of their existence because they think, what will people think? How will we survive? That is not the reality I'm operating in. I live in LA where everyone is, there's so many queer people where you're encouraged to be different. And so I had to look at that for what it is and think,

• 8:57Lilly Singh?

  I respect that you have that trait and I know where it comes from. And I know it's been passed down to me, but I'm actively choosing to not use that tool in this circumstance because it doesn't make sense here.

• 9:07Lewis Howes?

  On a scale of one to 10 in the last decade, 10 being you love yourself fully and completely, 1 being you don't love yourself at all.

• 9:19Lilly Singh?

  Yep.

• 9:19Lewis Howes?

  Where do you feel like on average you were on that scale in the last decade? 10 being like I fully love and accept myself. I am in inner peace. I feel calm. You know, I say nice things about myself. And a 1 being you speak badly and don't love yourself.

• 9:34Lilly Singh?

  I'm going to go from 2012 to right now.

• 9:37Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 9:37Lilly Singh?

  In 2012, I, I was a false 10. I was a fake 10. Because I did love myself, but I can honestly reflect back and say I loved myself because other people validated me so much. I was the new hot girl on YouTube. I was paving a path. You know, I was the token diversity person. People were bigging me up and I thought, oh, I love myself. Look at all these. But loving yourself doesn't mean you love yourself in relation to what other people think about you. It doesn't mean that comes from somewhere external. It means that, hey, even if all these things weren't here, I still love my, I didn't have that.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 10:09Lilly Singh?

  And then I think I realized that and I dove down to like a 2 because I thought, wow, you are just actually a shell of a human being. You don't actually, none of this is real. And I, and I realized this especially during the pandemic when everything went away. And I literally felt like I had no value.

• 10:26Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 10:26Lilly Singh?

  I felt like I had no, I, I didn't even feel like a human. I felt like a shell of a human, truly. Now I can genuinely, and this is F a book promo. It's not even a book promo. This has helped me get to what I feel is the truest 10 of my life.

• 10:39Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So 2, when were you a 2?

• 10:42Lilly Singh?

  I think I was a two.

• 10:44Lewis Howes?

  Or for how long was the season?

• 10:45Lilly Singh?

  Probably a good, good amount of time, honestly. It might have been during even late night, this season, season one of late night. Because I felt so much of that pressure and there was so many opinions getting thrown at me. And they impacted me every single day and I didn't get upset at the negative opinions per se. I got upset at how much I gave people permission to tell me who I was. For a lot of my life, I have given complete strangers the permission to tell me who I am, even though they've not met me.

• 11:13Lewis Howes?

  Through comments or through?

• 11:14Lilly Singh?

  Through comments, through reviews, through whatever it might be. Um, and I give myself grace because that was such a big part of my job.

• 11:20Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 11:20Lilly Singh?

  Being on the internet, you get that. And so I give myself grace, but I really, that, that pains me. That makes me sad.

• 11:27Lewis Howes?

  I feel like this is one of the biggest challenges for people that want to share their voice. They wanna create a book, launch a podcast, do YouTube, whatever it is. You wanna be on social media, you wanna put yourself out there and make something meaningful, that's meaningful to you and share with the world. I feel like that's one of the biggest challenges. I've had many people on in the last few weeks. Who, let's say before they became known and successful, they loved themselves more.

• 11:54Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 11:54Lewis Howes?

  Then within a couple of years of after all this success and massive following, the pressure, it was like, we're not trained or taught how to manage the responsibility, the weight, the pressure, the noise, the conflict.

• 12:06Lilly Singh?

  The human brain is not built for that.

• 12:09Lewis Howes?

  It concerns me because there's a lot of people that want to accomplish something. They want to put themselves out there, they wanna grow. But when they hear these stories of successful people or people in the spotlight who have less love for themselves, or let's say less confidence, or whatever it might be for some people.

• 12:25Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 12:25Lewis Howes?

  When they grow, that might scare people from putting it out anymore. How do you think people can learn to love themselves before? And during their growth phase, and even if they hit a hiccup and, you know, go down. Maybe the views stop, people don't buy the book after a while, whatever it is. How do you love yourself? When no one's watching, when everyone's watching, and then when everyone's criticizing you.

• 12:49Lilly Singh?

  Right. I have a two-part answer here.

• 12:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 12:51Lilly Singh?

  Me being type A, I have a two-part answer here. This was exactly the predicament I was in. I thought to myself, you have such an extraordinary life. You get to do amazing things. You have a dope career. The fact that you still feel lost and confused and sad was very upsetting to me. Because I thought, what would have to happen in your life to not feel this way?

• 13:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I should feel great.

• 13:09Lilly Singh?

  Exactly. And I, through writing this book, did a lot of that work. I had a lot of false starts on this book because I started writing and I thought, no, this is not right. This is not right. This is not true. Get to the root of what this is. Don't write another fluffy thing. Write what is actually true. And I had to do the work. And what I've concluded is this. The reason we have this problem, and a lot of people have this problem, is because we are not encouraged to do any of this work as a kid. We don't actually know how to do this. We don't know how to live a fulfilling life. We don't know what a fulfilling life is. We've never defined it for ourselves. We use these terms loosely. What is, what does it mean to live a fulfilling life? And that's just a fluff word that you see. You don't actually know. If I tell you, though, how do you solve this math problem, you're gonna know how to do that. If I tell you, how do you edit this video, you're gonna know how to do that.

• 13:52Lilly Singh?

  It's because we are valued on schoolwork and professional work. And we're taught things. In school, we're taught how to analyze other people's emotions. We're taught how to champion other characters. We're never taught how to look inwards. We're never taught how to analyze ourself. We're never taught what our own goals should be. Because goals are always grades, or salaries, or promotions. So I tried to do that work. I was never encouraged to do it as a kid. Yes, which is what this book was.

• 14:17Lewis Howes?

  In the last couple of years, you tried, you were doing this.

• 14:18Lilly Singh?

  I did. And a lot of the quarantine I spent doing this work. And what I concluded was, the definition of a fulfilling life is to build a foundation. So I'm gonna explain foundation as well, because that's another fluff word. To build a strong foundation for your life that actually cannot, does not teeter based on what is actually happening in your life.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  Powerful, so you're not in reaction.

• 14:39Lilly Singh?

  You're not reacting.

• 14:40Lewis Howes?

  Events, words, criticism out there.

• 14:42Lilly Singh?

  I don't know if you can relate to this, when I'm having a great day or a great period of my life, it's very easy to practice gratitude. My moral compass is so in alignment with what I wanted to be.

• 14:51Lewis Howes?

  You're the best version of yourself, yeah.

• 14:53Lilly Singh?

  But when I have a bad day, it's not so much that it's hard to be grateful, it's that I felt like I changed to my core. Like who I was as a person changed, my belief system changed, how I treated myself changed. And that's a very dangerous place to live, thinking I am just gonna make myself completely vulnerable to all external forces, so that no matter what happens in my day, I will just teeter in the direction that the world is making me go. I don't wanna live in that place. So what I mean by building a strong foundation is building a safe place in my mind that I can return to, regardless of what's happening in my day. So I call this book The Blueprint for Building a Safe Place in Your Mind. Something where if you succeed tomorrow, if you fail tomorrow, you still have a safe place to return to, where none of those things matter.

• 15:37Lewis Howes?

  So let me ask you this, let's hypothetically, you have a horrible day. Everything goes wrong. You try something, whatever, it's all going wrong. People are mad at you that you're not trying to make them mad, all these things. What do you say, what do you do, what does that safe place give you?

• 15:50Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, so the safe place, the foundation I'm talking about, I I've broken it down to four things that actually matter. So this is what I love about the book, is I actually break it down. I don't leave any fluff words open to interpretation. I define all things. A foundation for me is a relationship to yourself, a relationship to the universe, understanding distraction, and implementing design. These are the four things I repeat to myself every single day, and any conflict I look at through that lens. That is the foundation of my triangle, so to speak. I think that all conflicts can be looked at through these four things, and this is the foundation of every single person's triangle, is what I believe.

• 16:26Lewis Howes?

  What is implementing design mean?

• 16:28Lilly Singh?

  Implementing design means unsubscribing to ideas that no longer serve you. Because so often we are doing things in life because we have to, I don't have a choice, it's complicated. We treat opinions as facts and we treat choices as facts. You know, a prime example being, a lot of tension in my life has been. Oh, you know, my parents and society expects me to do something else, expect me to get married. I have to get married. My parents want me to get married. I have to get that job. I have to follow my sister's footsteps. You don't get it. I have to.

• 17:00Lilly Singh?

  But you don't have to. You actually don't have to do that at all. I want to get into entertainment. I have to move to L.A. I have to get a casting agent. I have to go to acting class. That's the only way I have to do that. No, you didn't have to. I got in through making YouTube videos. So it's about unsubscribing to ideas that don't serve you, even though they may seem like they're facts you have to follow. Implement design into your life and actually build a life that is beneficial to you. And I talk about this through the lens of when we're born, we're all served a platter. Society's like, here, boy, blue onesie. Girl, pink onesie. This is what you... But we have a choice to stop eating from that platter. It's gonna take work. It's gonna be uncomfortable, but that is still our choice.

• 17:40Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 17:41Lilly Singh?

  You know, it's not a fact.

• 17:42Lewis Howes?

  What were the three things that were not serving you the most that you've had to really let go of?

• 17:48Lilly Singh?

  One of them was that because of my job, part of my job is to allow people to disrespect me.

• 17:55Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 17:56Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 17:56Lewis Howes?

  You mean like with comments on YouTube specifically?

• 17:59Lilly Singh?

  I mean, anything. I think anyone in entertainment, it's quite normal for people to bully people in entertainment. We have all of these morals when it comes to treating people kindly, and the asterisk is always anyone in entertainment, you know? So I think I unsubscribed to that idea and thought, I know I can't control your comments. I know I can't control other people's opinions. I can control me giving them permission to actually come into my world. So it comes in some practical ways where I have no issues blocking, muting people. I don't care at all. But even spiritually, when someone says something to me, I say, you know what? I actually remove the permission for your words to have value to me.

• 18:32Lewis Howes?

  So it doesn't penetrate your heart?

• 18:34Lilly Singh?

  It used to every time before.

• 18:36Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 18:36Lilly Singh?

  Every time.

• 18:37Lewis Howes?

  That's gotta feel painful.

• 18:38Lilly Singh?

  It does. So that's one idea. Another one, let me think.

• 18:41Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful. I mean, how did you get to that space to spiritually block or just allow something to go through you and not stay within you?

• 18:50Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 18:50Lewis Howes?

  Like, when was that moment? Because that's a big aha moment.

• 18:53Lilly Singh?

  It is. It came through writing this book.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 18:56Lilly Singh?

  Because I've tried everything else prior to this moment. And I don't want to harp too much on comments because it is what it is, but... This goes with anything, someone you have conflict with in your life, a parent you have conflict with in your life, whatever it is. I am a firm believer through doing the work in this book that my mantra is now, I am you and you are me and we're in different circumstances. So I think previously I would believe you're mean. You wrote this comment, you don't know what it's like to be me. You're mean, I am offended by your comment, I'm hurt by your comment. And I think now I have the perspective of I am actually just like you. You are in fact just like me. But our circumstances have led us to these different places and that doesn't need to be a fight.

• 19:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Lilly Singh?

  And it's also getting off my high horse of thinking that I would do different if I was that person.

• 19:41Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:42Lilly Singh?

  Because I might not, I might do worse. If I was you and I just had a layoff and I saw my vacation picture, I might be even meaner than you were, to be honest. And so I think it's just understanding that we're all kind of the same. None of us are higher than anyone else and we're just in different, we have different lived experiences.

• 19:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think the opportunity or the challenge of life is you're gonna be judged for doing nothing, for, you know, sitting on your couch all day and not actually taking action on something and you're gonna be judged for doing something.

• 20:08Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 20:09Lewis Howes?

  You just gotta learn how to manage whichever judgment, you know?

• 20:11Lilly Singh?

  It's also, and this is why I talk about understanding distraction. I actually label these things as distractions. And I don't mean this in the way of like, you're not valid, I don't care about your opinion, you're a stranger, so you're a distraction. What I mean is that where I know I thrive the most is when I'm grateful. When you're grateful, you feel happy, you are a pleasant person. You probably get even more success because gratitude just has such a magic to it. Whatever takes you away from gratitude, I consider a distraction. So it's not that it's not valid. So if you wake up one morning and you're like, I'm such, I'm in such a good mood, I have a great family, I have great friends, I'm in such a good mood. And then something happens, someone cuts you off in traffic and suddenly you're like, my life is so annoying, honestly, and then you start spiraling.

• 20:55Lilly Singh?

  It's not that that's not valid and you shouldn't be upset, you can be, but you don't have to live there, you can come back to a place of gratitude. That's what I mean by distraction, someone that's taking you away from that place.

• 21:04Lewis Howes?

  The mental distraction.

• 21:05Lilly Singh?

  Exactly.

• 21:06Lewis Howes?

  It's kind of like allowing that thought to stay with you for an hour, days, or weeks. Sometimes people hold on to these things for so long. I've done that in the past and I realized, is this supporting my meaningful mission or is it pulling me away from it?

• 21:19Lilly Singh?

  And calling them distractions actually allows you to come back to a place. Because when you don't call it a distraction, you can stay there for a really long time. But knowing that you actually want to return back to somewhere else makes it that much easier. Just that shift in your mentality of, I'm over here in the land of gratitude. Now I've been pulled over here.

• 21:36Lewis Howes?

  Let me get back.

• 21:36Lilly Singh?

  But you know what? My goal is to get back here. I never had that goal before, so I would just wander around over here for a really long time.

• 21:43Lewis Howes?

  Could be hours a day.

• 21:43Lilly Singh?

  I don't know what to do. Exactly.

• 21:45Lewis Howes?

  So now you have a framework. So when a thought enters your mind, that's not a serving thought, let's say. You'll be there for a while until you're aware of it, and then you shift back into gratitude. What do you do? Do you start thinking, here's what I'm grateful for in this moment, this day, you know, this week? How do you do it?

• 21:59Lilly Singh?

  I always repeat those four things I told you about, because I look at everything through that lens. Is this about the relationship to myself? It's not, so it doesn't matter in that way. Is it about my relationship with the universe? No. So it also helps me kind of wean out what's not a priority to think about. But really what I do is, I actually just give myself grace of being a human being. If I get upset about something, I do not force myself to not be upset. And I think I did that for a long time. But now I'm just like, hey, you're upset. I think you should process all of these emotions. You're allowed to be upset. Give yourself, forgive yourself for being upset. It's stupid, it's petty. Allow yourself, forgive yourself. But after you're done, don't forget you can return back to this place.

• 22:35Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 22:36Lilly Singh?

  And when you're gentle with yourself, you actually react a lot better to situations than being so harsh to yourself.

• 22:41Lewis Howes?

  I've been doing therapy pretty consistently for the last year, year and a half now. It's been a powerful opportunity for me. I've done it throughout the years, but this time I was like, I'm just gonna do it when things are really good.

• 22:53Lilly Singh?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  Not when I have an issue I need to address. But because things are good in my life, I want to maintain and continue this emotional accountability, let's call it.

• 23:02Lilly Singh?

  You realize you don't always have to cry in therapy.

• 23:04Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 23:04Lilly Singh?

  I just learned this, yeah.

• 23:06Lewis Howes?

  My coach will say, it's, you know, when you feel the emotion, don't try to stuff it like... There are so many different healthy ways to express anger. You shouldn't do it at the person in an unhealthy way.

• 23:17Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 23:17Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's getting it out first, whether it's punching a pillow or writing down every nasty thing you want to say and putting it down and then burning it, or whatever it might be. But there's so many ways to express your anger in a healthy way. Let it out and then get back to gratitude and peace. I think that should be the goal.

• 23:32Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 23:33Lewis Howes?

  I think it's really hard to find fulfillment from a place from anger, stress.

• 23:37Lilly Singh?

  It won't happen.

• 23:39Lewis Howes?

  We really need to find fulfillment from a place of peace.

• 23:42Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  And love.

• 23:43Lilly Singh?

  Peace and freedom and giving yourself permission to be flawed and give yourself grace.

• 23:48Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 23:48Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent flawed. So the distraction, what about the relationship with self? Because it used to be at a two, or maybe there were some seasons of life you were, you know, in the two range out of a 10. How do you think about that now when you go through this framework? Is this about my relationship with myself?

• 24:03Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely. So this is about the relationship, one of the relationships we tend to ignore the most, which is the one we have with ourself, which is we spend so much time and energy on what other people think of us and how we interact with others that we don't actually give ourselves the time and energy that a relationship requires. So of course, I talk about meditation in this book, I talk about spirituality in this book, but you've had Jay Shetty on this podcast, so I'm not even gonna try to compete with it. What I talk about in this book is also the concept of we like to define people very easily. We, as humans, love to do this, and we've done this throughout history. It's easy for us to, in our brains, say right, wrong, black, white, yes, no, tall, short. It just makes it easier for us to understand people. But we do that to ourselves as well.

• 24:48Lilly Singh?

  We have all these words in our head of, I am a hard worker, I am funny, I am not lazy. But the issue with giving yourself these really extreme labels is we're never all of these things, and we're not always all of these things. And then that starts to create conflict. So for example, I'm a workaholic, I know this. But why that has caused conflict is because I've labeled myself this hustler. You know, it's my whole brand, hustle harder. So when I have a day where I'm like, I feel like doing nothing, I don't enjoy a lazy day, I actually get upset at myself because it goes, that action goes against the label I've given myself. You know, and so you, you create these little battles for yourself inside because you've concluded this is who you are, when really who you are is a multitude of things that

• 25:31Lilly Singh?

  falls on various spectrums at different parts in your life. You can hustle hard on this day, doesn't mean this day you're gonna be the exact same person. We need to understand we're the, we are these complex humans that are not easily labeled. We never give ourselves context, ever.

• 25:46Lilly Singh?

  We're just like, I have to be this all the time. No, what is the context? For example, I, when I fail at something, I used to get really upset at myself. You gotta get this right, Lilly. You have to, you are the only one, you're the first at this thing, you gotta get it right.

• 25:59Lewis Howes?

  It's a lot of pressure.

• 26:00Lilly Singh?

  A hundred percent. But instead of looking at myself and being like, you didn't do it right, so you're stupid, and then I apply that stupid label on me. What if I actually looked at myself and said, oh, you're someone who is struggling with something you've never done before?

• 26:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 26:12Lilly Singh?

  That like gives me some context. I actually feel like helping that person. I feel like championing that person, instead of just being like, you're stupid. So we're just so lazy with labels when we define ourselves, and I'm encouraging people to give ourselves context.

• 26:25Lewis Howes?

  Is that something you learned in the pandemic also?

• 26:26Lilly Singh?

  It is, it is. We're not clickbait on the internet. We deserve context.

• 26:30Lewis Howes?

  What do you see when you look yourself in the mirror?

• 26:34Lilly Singh?

  Besides gray hair, um.

• 26:37Lewis Howes?

  What did you see and what do you see now?

• 26:40Lilly Singh?

  Before, I saw someone who has achieved a lot. I always defined myself by my achievements. Now, I'm trying my best to see someone who is a human having an experience. You know, I, and this is gonna sound like a load of BS, but I'm gonna tell you, this is honestly something I've been working on. I'm trying to not define myself by anything external, because that is a slippery slope. It's very slippery. The fact that when we had to quarantine, I had no gigs and no work and no travel, and I was like, oh, so I have no value, I hated that. Because that means I don't value myself as a friend. I don't value myself as a daughter. I don't value myself as a dog mom, or someone who can make memories, or someone that can laugh and experience joy.

• 27:23Lilly Singh?

  I don't value any of those things. I just literally always define myself by external things.

• 27:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:28Lilly Singh?

  And so now, whether something bad or good happens, I don't tie it to my value or definition. And the best example of this is, I got a, I got something that is my dream role in a show, the new Muppet Show for Disney+. That's top left of my vision board. It's my first lead, a really big deal for me. But the day I announced it, I had to have a whole session with myself where I said, this is really great, and it's really cool. You are not now the girl who's on the Disney Plus show. You are not now the lead actress. You are Lily. And this is a cool thing you get to do. But the success or failure of this does not reflect on you as a person. This is not your value. And it's easy to do when it's bad, it's hard to do when it's good. Because you want to.

• 28:13Lilly Singh?

  You wanted to find yourself by all these cool things. But you can't. You can choose. It's gotta be that. No, I'm complete without these things as well.

• 28:19Lewis Howes?

  My hope and my intention is that everything you touch turns into gold, right? Every creation is a beautiful thing and it's celebrated and it's successful and it has high ratings and all that stuff. But let's just say one thing doesn't go as planned from expectations.

• 28:32Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 28:32Lewis Howes?

  How will you approach it? If that happens now with this framework? You launch a big show or no one cares. You get bad, whatever it is.

• 28:40Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 28:41Lewis Howes?

  And you put your life into something, your value, your creation into something. How will you now manage that letdown, disappointment, missed expectation, whatever it might be?

• 28:51Lilly Singh?

  Well, first I'll allow myself to feel whatever I want to feel. It's not realistic for me to say, it's okay, I'll be grateful. It's, I'll probably be sad.

• 28:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:58Lilly Singh?

  I'll probably be upset. I'll give myself the grace to feel all of those things. But at the end of the day, I will remind myself that when it comes to the relationship with myself and the relationship with the universe, that show falls nowhere in there. So when I come back to my safe place in my mind, there's really no room for that to define me. Because I already have all these other strong values. So really, when people have asked me, will you write another book? My answer to them is I hope this blueprint serves me for the rest of my life so I never have to write another book.

• 29:24Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 29:25Lilly Singh?

  Is my goal. But yeah, I think I would just remind myself that that failure or low rating is not a Lily sing low rating. It's not a low rating for me as a human. It is that project, that is that one thing, that is a thing I did. It is not me. I am not that thing. That thing is just something I did.

• 29:41Lewis Howes?

  How can people separate their work or their creative energy or efforts apart from themselves and not having value? As them being the thing that's wrong or bad or not good?

• 29:52Lilly Singh?

  I think a big part of that, because all that work is over here, I think we have to work over here. So it's not about how do I let go of the value from work? It's how do I value myself more in the other areas? You know? It's about, okay, I've thought about work for so long. I've valued myself with work for so long. Let me practice valuing myself in other ways. So now if I have a really great meditation, I go, oh. That was really good. You did a really good job. That was a successful thing you did today. And that is a cool moment for you that should hold some value. If I had a an amazing conversation with a friend. So for example, I just went to Jay's house the other day and we had this deep, great conversation. And I remember leaving thinking, wow, moments like that actually define my value. A memory I created with a friend, a deep conversation, that counts for something.

• 30:37Lilly Singh?

  And when you start getting in the habit of doing that, it helps you not just define yourself in the traditional way we've been taught. To be fair, we've been taught to only value ourselves in one way. I'm suggesting that we actually find value in the other things that are never given value.

• 30:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:51Lilly Singh?

  The laughing, the the moments, the the good nap that you took.

• 30:54Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 30:55Lilly Singh?

  You know, that's value. I you are a full human. And again, when I say this, I just need to preface one thing. When I say this, people always treat mindfulness and mental health like all or nothing. Oh, so she's saying we don't have to hustle. We can take naps and no, I'm saying I have for 10 years hustled so, so hard. And everyone has to do that at some point. But then you can get to a place where you can give yourself permission to, you know?

• 31:16Lewis Howes?

  It's funny you're saying this today because earlier my girlfriend, like slept for a few hours during the middle of the day. And she's like, I've never done this. She's an actress and a writer and a producer and you met her.

• 31:27Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 31:28Lewis Howes?

  And for as long as I've known her, I was like, this girl just doesn't turn off. Like she's always coming up with the next treatment or script or production meeting or whatever. And she's just, she creates. And I'm like, you know, you can just kind of chill. You don't have to do what you don't have to be reading or working on yourself or doing this. You can just be. And today is the first time she's like, I've never done this. It feels amazing. Like I just needed to rest.

• 31:51Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 31:51Lewis Howes?

  Take a few hours. And after a few hours, she's like, okay, I'm ready to work again, but it's okay. So I think people should be.

• 31:56Lilly Singh?

  You sound like my therapist.

• 31:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's okay. Take a few hours in the middle of the day. It's not the end of the world.

• 32:01Lilly Singh?

  But it's also assigned value to that.

• 32:02Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 32:03Lilly Singh?

  Those other things also add to your value. It's not just the accolades and the numbers and all that. So so my answer to your question is to start placing value in all those other things we're told are meaningless that are actually so important.

• 32:13Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. The things that people maybe don't see all the time also.

• 32:17Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 32:17Lewis Howes?

  So.

• 32:18Lilly Singh?

  I'm that person that's like, my new mantra, I've already named 10. But something I've been telling myself is, for this period of time, you will actually.

• 32:27Lilly Singh?

  Be okay with missing a meeting, but not a meditation. That's where I am right now. Right now in my life.

• 32:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, this season of life.

• 32:33Lilly Singh?

  Exactly. That doesn't mean I'm less successful. I'm actually more successful professionally than I've ever been. And I've realized that not placing all my value in work has actually helped me be more successful. Because when I'm not so, when I'm a little bit detached from it, I can actually see things more objectively for what they are. As instead of being so just tied to every aspect of it.

• 32:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I believe when we're just getting started on launching anything, we've got to say yes to everything.

• 32:56Lilly Singh?

  Hundred percent.

• 32:56Lewis Howes?

  Like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna say yes to this meeting and do these things. And there's a turning point where you start to say no, right?

• 33:01Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 33:02Lewis Howes?

  Where do you think you would have been had you valued meditation and these other values in the beginning? Let's just hypothetically, ten years ago. If you would have learned this and implemented, do you think you'd be at the same place you are? Success career-wise, numbers-wise? Bigger, smaller? Just curious.

• 33:21Lilly Singh?

  I'm gonna answer this question from specifically me.

• 33:23Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 33:24Lilly Singh?

  I'm not saying this for other people. For specifically me, I would not be as successful as I am now. And I'll tell you why. I am a very all or nothing type person. And I dislike that about myself. I've been trying to work on that. I'm either you have to work all the time or I'm just gonna meditate for ten hours a day now. So, ten years ago, if I took those naps and I meditated, I would have gone so all in on that that I would have been, I would have created such a rigid wall saying, no, I can't work. I can't do that free gig. I can't do any of that because I'm all or nothing. That is something I'm trying to change. I'm trying to learn that progress is in the middle. That you can actually have a little bit of both. I never knew how to do that. And now I've unsubscribed from the idea that to be successful, I have to be mentally unhealthy. I believe that I can be successful and mentally healthy now.

• 34:08Lilly Singh?

  But that takes work from both ends. And like I said, I think a lot of people think it's either you have mental health and you have work-life balance, or you're a workaholic. No, we can actually have seasons of things. For example, this book's coming out. For the past two weeks, I have been the workaholic. It is what this is demanded. But that doesn't mean now the week after the book comes out, I can't be like, and you know what? Now I can take those naps and I can do the meditations and I can do all this stuff. Progress is in the middle. It's not all of this or all of that.

• 34:34Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's when we can create an hour a day, or maybe it's two hours for some people where you're, I'm gonna give my fifteen minutes of meditation. I'm gonna get to move my body. I'm gonna do something for me, something that I value for myself, to build that relationship with myself. Then I think if you can keep that consistent.

• 34:50Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely. You have to think about this. It's like, and this is the best way to describe the relationship with yourself is... What kind of partner do you want to be to yourself? And the example I give in the book is, you know when you go into an elevator and there's other people in the elevator? So what do you do? You instantly pull out your phone because you're like, oh, I can't, I need to, I need to like dive into something. I can't interact with people. I can't be here. If you ever pay attention, you'll notice that you actually do that when you're alone in the elevator as well. When you're alone in the elevator, you probably pull out the phone as well because you don't even want to be with yourself alone. You're so uncomfortable to be with your thoughts and yourself in that elevator. And I started to pay attention to things like that. And I thought, that, is that the relationship I want to have with myself? Where I can't even be alone with myself for 30 seconds in this elevator

• 35:34Lilly Singh?

  that I have to at every instance? Let's be real, every red light? I can't even just observe and look where I can't even be with my thoughts and feelings. I have to pull out my phone? That's not a good relationship.

• 35:44Lewis Howes?

  When did you realize that?

• 35:45Lilly Singh?

  I did realize that when there was a period of time during the pandemic where I actually deleted social media off my phone. For like six months, I had no social media on my phone.

• 35:53Lewis Howes?

  Come on, really?

• 35:53Lilly Singh?

  Six months, six whole months. And if I had to post something for work, I would install Instagram. I would post it and I would delete it right away.

• 36:00Lewis Howes?

  Six months?

• 36:01Lilly Singh?

  Six whole months.

• 36:01Lewis Howes?

  Was your team posting or what was happening?

• 36:03Lilly Singh?

  If they had to post some brand related stuff, sure. But I gained back so much time in my life. One was time, but also I realized that, yes, we can talk about meditation and I think that's so important. But I also think aside from meditation, just being present with yourself, you know, allows yourself to process emotions. Like I remember when I deleted social media off my phone, the time it really occurred to me what a difference it made was when I was at the airport. I was waiting for a flight and every other person in the terminal, every single person was on their phone. And I thought I would be doing the exact same thing. I would also be, but because I wasn't on my phone, I was like, okay, let me think about this travel I'm about to take. Let me think about what I want to make out of it. Let me think about if I'm excited about it. How do I feel?

• 36:45Lilly Singh?

  And it just, this is gonna sound silly, but like being there for myself and giving myself the time of day and my thoughts and feelings the time of day. It made me feel special. I felt seen by myself, 100%.

• 36:56Lewis Howes?

  Did you see yourself in the last 10 years before this?

• 36:59Lilly Singh?

  Not completely in that way, no. Because there was just so much other noise I let in.

• 37:04Lewis Howes?

  Did you feel like you could be okay alone? Or alone without devices?

• 37:09Lilly Singh?

  Less of the question of if I would be okay, more of did I see the value in that?

• 37:14Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 37:15Lilly Singh?

  I didn't. For me, it was like, no, the value is if I'm informed. If I'm in the loop.

• 37:18Lewis Howes?

  You're creating content if you're built.

• 37:20Lilly Singh?

  Creating content, that's my value. Again, it goes back to assigning value. I always valued creating content more than being present with myself. Now I'm saying you can have both. So I have, I do have social media on my phone now. It's been a long time. But my relationship with it is a lot different.

• 37:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow, you deleted all social media? For six months?

• 37:37Lilly Singh?

  Yeah. And you know what? I had Phantom Hand for a while.

• 37:41Lewis Howes?

  Oh my, you're like, check it, you're like.

• 37:42Lilly Singh?

  I kept trying to find another app. So I'd like go in on the weather app. I'm like, what's the weather like? I gotta go to the weather, did the weather change? What's the weather like? What's the weather talking about? So definitely, that took a while to get used to. But now, again, even till this day, if I feel like I'm passively scrolling too much, I will delete it off my phone for the day.

• 37:58Lewis Howes?

  Delete it.

• 37:58Lilly Singh?

  I will just delete it, yeah.

• 38:00Lewis Howes?

  That's fascinating. Holy cow. And do you feel like you're not missing out on anything?

• 38:05Lilly Singh?

  No.

• 38:06Lewis Howes?

  You feel like you're growing still?

• 38:07Lilly Singh?

  What's better than real life?

• 38:08Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 38:09Lilly Singh?

  Social media is not real life. It is, it's a tool and it's great, but we have to recognize it for what it is. It is a tool we should use. It is not a tool that should use us, you know? And we really treat it that way. It'll define me now. I will form all of my opinions based on what I'm seeing. My entire worldview will be framed by, that's not how we should live life. We should put the phone down and discover for ourselves.

• 38:32Lewis Howes?

  What's been the richest moment you've had without social media?

• 38:36Lilly Singh?

  So during the Black Lives Matter protests, I, like a lot of other people, was super overwhelmed by social media. That's actually when I decided to delete it. Because there was just so many arguments and so much friction. It was honestly really overwhelming for me. So I deleted it and I went to a protest in real life. And it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I saw all types of people standing together for one cause. People from different races hugging each other. No one was arguing. And I thought, oh, this is actually real life. Real human beings off their phone, giving each other grace. Recognizing that we're two human beings that can see eye to eye. That doesn't really happen on social media. Because social media lacks two things. It lacks context and it lacks accountability.

• 39:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:19Lilly Singh?

  And I think without those two things, you can't have a real conversation.

• 39:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I wish the people that were saying things on social media, they would actually just have an opportunity to go up to the person and say the exact same thing. Would you say it?

• 39:31Lilly Singh?

  It would not happen.

• 39:31Lewis Howes?

  You would never say it?

• 39:32Lilly Singh?

  It would not happen. Also, I also question, and this is specific to Twitter. I also quite, which I don't use because it's not good for my mental health. But I question that if the ability to trend was not a thing, would people really have all these opinions? Because it's hard to have a conversation, a genuine conversation, in an environment where you are rewarded for being loud. If you took that element away.

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 39:57Lilly Singh?

  If you took that all away, I question if people would be as upset and as heated as they usually are, as they are on Twitter.

• 40:02Lewis Howes?

  Interesting, yeah. They're getting validated and more attention for it. So something interesting about the relationship with the universe. Can you talk about what this means? Yeah, I'll start with that.

• 40:10Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, for a lot of my life, and I think most people can relate to this. I, whether you're religious or not, spiritual or not, it doesn't matter. We tend to ask for things. We look up, whether you pray, whether you whatever. Please help me with this. Please let my health get better. Please let me get this role, whatever. You're always asking for stuff. That is a relationship we have with the universe. We're just really bad partners because we take and take and take.

• 40:31Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 40:31Lilly Singh?

  Right, we just take and take and take. If there was any other relationship, for example, you and your girlfriend. If you treated your girlfriend like you treat the universe, she would dump you. Because you would just take and take and take.

• 40:41Lewis Howes?

  I feel like I'm pretty good to the universe.

• 40:42Lilly Singh?

  No, you would, no, I'm just saying, I'm just saying for example. Something I had to call myself out on was, by the way, Louis is a great partner, I've seen him interact many times. That was not specific to Louis.

• 40:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, but in general, yes, yes.

• 40:53Lilly Singh?

  Something I had to call myself out on was that I always, especially in hard times, I always look up and ask for things. But I never think about what I give back to the universe. And most people don't. I always say that we miss 10 calls from mom, we miss 15 from the universe. We don't acknowledge this relationship. And that is not fair because everything in this world is an exchange. Everything is an exchange. Whether you understand that because you need money to buy something versus I had to go through this heartbreak to learn this lesson. It's still an exchange. We need to acknowledge that because we've already been given so much that the only fair way to be in a relationship with the universe is to give back to it. That is actually the only fair way. So I think service, and however that might mean to you, I mean, charity work, it might be

• 41:35Lilly Singh?

  being there for a friend, planting a tree, whatever it is, we have to consider that as part of our foundation because we would be naive to be ignoring that reality.

• 41:43Lewis Howes?

  When did you learn that?

• 41:44Lilly Singh?

  Well, writing this book. Let me tell you, I'm not lying. So the reason this book was really hard to write is because my first book, I knew exactly what I wanted to be about. I knew all the stories I was gonna tell. I knew all the advice I wanted to give. When I tried to write this book, I had to learn every single thing on these pages to write this book.

• 42:01Lewis Howes?

  You didn't know the answers.

• 42:02Lilly Singh?

  I didn't know the answers. I had to go through it. I had so many false starts. I started writing and I was like, this is, this is not helpful. I, so I shredded up those papers and I had to actually fundamentally change as a person to write this book. I'm a different person after writing this book legitimately. And my friends will tell you that. They'll be like, you said it yourself. You seem really chill. That's the most common thing people said to me since I finished writing this book. You seem happier.

• 42:25Lewis Howes?

  When did you finish this?

• 42:26Lilly Singh?

  Like two weeks after the deadline.

• 42:30Lilly Singh?

  No, no, I finished it sevenish months ago, I wanna say.

• 42:34Lewis Howes?

  There's definitely a light about you.

• 42:36Lilly Singh?

  Hundred, and you're not the first person to say that.

• 42:38Lewis Howes?

  An energetic light and just like, your shoulders look lighter. Your face looks younger.

• 42:44Lilly Singh?

  Oh.

• 42:45Lewis Howes?

  Not that you'd look old or something, but your energy is light. And I think it's really important for people to understand this. When our minds are hijacked by lies or by negative thoughts or horrible conversations that we're saying to ourselves with just a poor relationship with ourselves, like you're talking about, I think it's hard to feel fulfilled and light energetically.

• 43:07Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 43:08Lewis Howes?

  When our minds are hijacked by these lies and these negative thoughts. And so I'm so grateful that you found this framework for yourself.

• 43:15Lilly Singh?

  Myself included.

• 43:16Lewis Howes?

  And going back to the framework, when you feel like stressed or overwhelmed, not that it's gonna be perfect every moment, but having a framework to go back to. And I think if people subscribe to this framework or one that works for them like this. It will be powerful to overcome a lot of the the mental challenges, the stress, the anxiety, the overwhelm, the depression thoughts that a lot of people have and just the stress of life. It's not easy.

• 43:39Lilly Singh?

  The reason I think this is so helpful, like I said, this book has been a gift to me. So truly, it is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I I'm confident it can be that for other people. But again, even if it's not, it has done wonders for me. How I came about this also was thinking about, I talk about school and the workplace a lot. I talk about how I got so frustrated because I know how to deal with those problems and I never knew how to deal with problems related to life. And I discovered that what all of those places have in common is they have like these pillars that are anchored into the ground. A bad teacher doesn't change the importance of education. You know, that pillar exists. You believe in education, education's valued. We need to live for ourselves. It's where you have pillars so deep where things don't alter those pillars. That is what I mean by a framework.

• 44:23Lilly Singh?

  And it's been so helpful for me because it's that thing I can keep going back to at the end of the day. Like I said, the safe place in your mind.

• 44:28Lewis Howes?

  And what about manifesting? So, you know, when we want something and you say the relationship with the universe or God or whatever it is, I just saying, I want this role, I want this gig, I want this thing, I want this relationship. How do you think about it now in terms of, okay, if I want something from the universe, or if I want to land something or create something? What's your framework now? Are you saying, well, how can I be of service to my friends, my family, my audience? How can I help more people? What is the way you think about it now?

• 44:56Lilly Singh?

  Well, I think I think about things always bigger than myself. I don't think that I just solely got something by myself. I believe the universe is always at play. I believe in manifestation in that way. If I felt like my direct actions got me everything, that would be a very egocentric way to live, I think. Of course, I've worked really hard and that has contributed to it, but the universe is still at play and providing for me. I think, well, also on the note of manifesting, I should tell you, and this is not a joke, my vision board is in my shower. I take it next level here. Vision boards are not very aesthetically pleasing. Let's be real. My house is very neutrals and beige. And my vision board is just such an eyesore. So last year I kept it in the back of my closet, but I didn't really see it often. So I was like, this year, that's it. January came, I taped it to the glass wall of my shower on the outside.

• 45:38Lewis Howes?

  That's pretty cool. She look at it every day.

• 45:41Lilly Singh?

  Day when I take a shower.

• 45:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, every three days.

• 45:43Lilly Singh?

  And I cannot tell you the difference it has made.

• 45:46Lewis Howes?

  Come on.

• 45:47Lilly Singh?

  It is incredible. I know my visions like this. So many of them will come true already and it's only April now. It's insane the difference it has made. So let me just start there. But yes, I, I think about things as in the relationship I have with myself. That means that I know what I want. My priorities are clear. However, this thing does not define me. It is not going to be who I am now. And I, yes, will be the best, nicest, giving back person possible. Because if I want the universe to provide, then I need to give something back.

• 46:14Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. So tell me, what does seeing your visions in front of you every day do for you?

• 46:20Lilly Singh?

  First of all, it keeps my priorities in check.

• 46:22Lewis Howes?

  Focused.

• 46:23Lilly Singh?

  Focused, because I used to have this problem where I would get so many cool things in my inbox.

• 46:29Lewis Howes?

  So many opportunities.

• 46:29Lilly Singh?

  I have to say yes. How could I not say yes? This is so cool. This person's asking me to do so. It's awesome. And then at the top of this year, I thought, you're going to pick like a handful of priorities and you'll only make decisions based on those priorities. So my vision board helps me keep those priorities in check. But it also helps me just kind of daydream and make it happen. So when I'm in the shower, I kid you not, like one of the things on my vision board, the top left thing is Disney Plus.

• 46:54Lewis Howes?

  Come on.

• 46:54Lilly Singh?

  I kid you not. And I made that before I got the audition for this.

• 46:57Lewis Howes?

  So there was no show? There was no audition?

• 46:59Lilly Singh?

  There was nothing.

• 47:00Lewis Howes?

  You just had an idea?

• 47:01Lilly Singh?

  And I have two, I have two things on my, my vision board were audition success and Disney Plus. And then I got a Disney Plus audition and I got the lead role. I kid you not. This is, and some of the people on my vision board that I've never hung out with, I have hung out since January.

• 47:13Lewis Howes?

  Come on.

• 47:14Lilly Singh?

  I had the opportunity to hang out with like Reese Witherspoon recently, like in a way that we had some really cool conversations.

• 47:18Lewis Howes?

  That's pretty cool.

• 47:19Lilly Singh?

  She was on my vision board. And the opportunity to do that also came after I made this vision board. So I'm a big, I'm a big believer, I'm a witch. I think we're all witches in some way. I'm a hundred percent a white witch, yeah.

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is happening when we, again, see a vision in our mind or see something we've put down on paper over and over? And what do you think we're doing with our relationship with the universe?

• 47:40Lilly Singh?

  I think we're making our needs clear. Something we're not very good as humans, we don't usually make our needs clear. We like to beat around the bush and talk in between lines and all these things. But I think we make our needs clear and we make our desires clear. And more than anything, I think we subconsciously take actions then to lead to those things. You know, you can't have one without the other. Some people think, I'll just make a vision board and then do nothing and these things will come to life. And some people think, a vision board is garbage, I'll just work really hard. It's a combination of both of those things. You work really hard, subconsciously towards a direction you have set out for yourself and the universe will provide.

• 48:14Lewis Howes?

  Man, the light is just coming out today. What, how did you know what to put on your vision board? That was fulfilling or meaningful and not just, this would be cool for the ego. Cause I think some people weren't gonna put big house, money, success, fame, growth of followers or whatever it might be. Which is not bad things, like, hey, I'm all about getting the dream house and all those things. But how do you know I'm making a conscious decision on something that is a more beautiful future? That will inspire and impact more people or help me as well? Versus, this is gonna make me look really good to my friends.

• 48:49Lilly Singh?

  I think the way I have gone about making vision boards is I, instead of the act, thinking about the actual object, I think about what it will mean to me if I get it.

• 48:57Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 48:58Lilly Singh?

  So, for example, and I love that you said it's not a bad thing, because I think I used to judge myself a lot, being like, I can't put money on my vision board, like, that's so shallow. I, first of all, it's your vision board, you can do whatever you want with it, you know what I mean? But I do have things on it, I have a fancy car, I have a Rolex on there, I have a whole bunch of things. And the reason I put them on there is because I thought, I actually know what this means to me. It's not that I'm gonna get this Rolex and now I'm a cool person that's better than other people and now I'm a, it's that, oh, you know what, I've worked really hard, I think this Rolex looks really pretty and sometimes I do wanna flex. And I agree that that's how I am, and I understand that I'm aware about that, so I can get that.

• 49:32Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 49:32Lilly Singh?

  Things I have like, don't forget to have fun. I know what that means to me, because I know I wanna value fun. I know what it feels like to go to set and have fun with those people and I value that now. So I think, we need to allow ourselves grace. If you have things on your vision board that are materialistic, that's completely fine. Just know what those things mean. And I think that's a different, uh, biggest difference between my first and second book. My first book was a lot of hustle, goal setting, get, get that network connection, get all of that stuff. And this book is like, okay, what does that actually mean?

• 50:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Lilly Singh?

  You know?

• 50:01Lewis Howes?

  How can you get it and have peace inside?

• 50:03Lilly Singh?

  Exactly. If you know why you want the things you want. And you can put healthy value towards those things. I don't think it's wrong to put anything on your vision board.

• 50:11Lewis Howes?

  What's the biggest mistake people make when it comes to manifesting?

• 50:14Lilly Singh?

  Thinking that you don't have to work for it. I have a lot of, Gen Z, I'mma call you out here. I'mma call you out here. There's a lot of people that think, I made a vision board but nothing's coming true. You also have to work very, very hard still. But I think another thing is that people are not very specific when it comes to vision boards. Sometimes I'll see people's vision boards and it says, "Success" on it, or it says, "Money." What is money? What does that mean? So when I make my vision board, I actually Photoshop myself into specific situations I want. Yes. I wanna be on this magazine cover, this specific magazine cover. I Photoshop myself on that magazine and put it on my vision board. Because I'm like, I'm not just gonna put magazines. What does that mean? What does that mean that my cousin just started a school newspaper and now I'm on that magazine? Is that, is that what it is?

• 50:59Lilly Singh?

  As specific as you can be with what you want, and then the universe will answer. The universe can get confused. You say money, they're gonna make you find ten dollars on the street. Is that money?

• 51:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. It's a quarter.

• 51:09Lilly Singh?

  Exactly. It's money. You said money. What is money?

• 51:11Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. What magazine covers did you put yourself on?

• 51:14Lilly Singh?

  Uh, I'm a big fan of Vanity Fair.

• 51:16Lewis Howes?

  Have you been on it yet?

• 51:16Lilly Singh?

  No, I've not. Not yet. Except for in my shower. I also, who doesn't wanna be on the cover of Vogue? Come on, Vogue is really, really dope. We like Forbes in this house. In this house, we like Forbes. Hundred percent. Hundred percent. I really pride myself on like the disruptive kind of, you know, the disruptors of business.

• 51:35Lewis Howes?

  I like this. Do you think it's possible to be extremely successful, accomplished, manifest everything on your vision board?

• 51:44Lewis Howes?

  Be fulfilled internally and be in a healthy, conscious, loving, long-term relationship?

• 51:51Lilly Singh?

  My honest answer is that I do think it's possible, but I do not think all three of those things would get equal attention. That's my honest answer. I have not figured out a way to be all of those things perfectly at the exact same time. And maybe that shouldn't be the goal. Maybe the goal should be that, hey, for right now, fifty percent of managers are gonna go here, and I have a loving partner that is on the same page with that, because we've communicated about it. And I have therapy to help me figure out the parts of me that I cannot, cannot tend to, because I'm working so hard on this. And then, when seasons shift, maybe those percentages shift. And maybe it's like, hey, I just finished six movies, so now sixty percent of my effort is gonna go towards the relaxation. I think that's more realistic of life. I think it's that we need to understand

• 52:34Lilly Singh?

  we are on several places, on several spectrums, and that's okay. We don't have to be the definitive, I'm this, and I'm this, and I'm this. I think those energies will always be shifting, and I've come to peace with that.

• 52:45Lewis Howes?

  Do you see people in Hollywood that have healthy relationships, like intimate, committed relationships, long-term? Do you, do you see a lot of this happening? Or is there people you admire that have, besides like Jay and Roddy?

• 52:57Lilly Singh?

  Oh, okay, you took them way out. Those are gonna be my answer.

• 53:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 53:01Lilly Singh?

  I don't, my honest answer is, I don't know anyone well enough in this industry to genuinely answer that. Of course, on magazine covers and red carpets, I could say people are very in love. I don't know anyone well enough behind the scenes to know if that's true. But also, I guess it goes back to, for them, what is a successful relationship? For me, a successful relationship is where two people have this, are on the same page, they've communicated, and they have the same priorities. So, could it be that someone's definition of success is that, hey, don't really care about this, we need to kill it together in business, we need to flex on this red carpet, and we need to be the beacon of love and light for people? If they're both on the same page, then they're succeeding in their eyes. And who am I to say that that's wrong?

• 53:39Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:39Lilly Singh?

  You know, as long as two people are on the same page, then that's success.

• 53:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think for a long time, I was like struggling in relationships, thinking like, you know, do I need to just completely give up everything I'm doing to like put all the attention in the relationship? Is there a way to do both? You know, can I take care of my health and run my business and be in a relationship? And I feel like I'm finally figuring it out, you know? Only time will tell, obviously, but it's like...

• 54:02Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, another idea I've had to unsubscribe from that didn't benefit me was that... Love shouldn't be work. I think a lot of people think love should come naturally. Relationships shouldn't be work. And real love means that things just click. There's chemistry, you just click. They brighten up your day. That's all fine and well. But I've actually unsubscribed to that idea because it does not serve anyone. Relationships are work. Love can exist, it still requires work.

• 54:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:29Lilly Singh?

  Relationships require compromise and they require communication and they require tough talks. That doesn't make the love any less. It's just that we've all believed this idea that love should be so effortless.

• 54:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:40Lilly Singh?

  Which is not the case.

• 54:41Lewis Howes?

  I agree with you and I want to add an asterisk there. I like to use words. And I think work for some people means like it sucks.

• 54:49Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm. Which is also an interesting idea.

• 54:52Lewis Howes?

  So I would like, for some people, I think when they, when they think the word, I don't think that, but when you think of work, it might seem like it sucks or something. So I like to use the words conscious energy. It takes energy for you to show up vulnerably consistently.

• 55:06Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 55:06Lewis Howes?

  When you're annoyed or frustrated, it takes being conscious on how to choose your words.

• 55:10Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 55:11Lewis Howes?

  Conscious energy on how to schedule things, plan things. I was telling my team today, last weekend, the day before I ran a marathon, actually, but the day before.

• 55:20Lilly Singh?

  Subtle flex?

• 55:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. But I never wanted to do a marathon. It took me almost six hours.

• 55:24Lilly Singh?

  That sounds like my nightmare.

• 55:25Lewis Howes?

  It was, it was actually a spiritual experience, but that's for another conversation. But the day before I did a five hour therapy session with my therapist and my girlfriend. And I've always said to myself, I would like to start a relationship with conscious conversations about the future. And, and doing work together, work, or doing sessions together with an accountability therapist, coach, someone.

• 55:51Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 55:51Lewis Howes?

  To help guide us on agreements and things like that. So what some might call work, I'm calling it conscious energy.

• 55:57Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, fair.

• 55:58Lewis Howes?

  Not when anything is wrong.

• 55:59Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 56:00Lewis Howes?

  But to make sure it keeps going great. And to have conversations which take work, if you want to call it work. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy. But um, definitely, you can't just show up and think everything's gonna be perfect. You gotta invest the energy.

• 56:14Lilly Singh?

  What I've taken away from that story is that your therapist is securing the bag. Is what is what I took away from that story is that your therapist is securing. Good on you, congratulations, Lucy's therapist.

• 56:23Lewis Howes?

  No, but it wasn't her saying this, it was me saying, I wanna do, I've been wanting to do this for years.

• 56:27Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 56:27Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's, it's been really helpful because it creates a sense of togetherness. Creates a sense of alignment, it creates a sense of agreements, you know, all these things that I think relationships sometimes don't do until there's a disruption. Yeah, conflict. So why not create it before that, so.

• 56:45Lilly Singh?

  Therapy is the vitamin C.

• 56:46Lewis Howes?

  It's incredible, right?

• 56:47Lilly Singh?

  It's the vitamin C to everything.

• 56:49Lewis Howes?

  That's it, that's it. So I think it's, I think it's conscious energy, it's effort, but um, I think you're right. It doesn't just magically happen.

• 56:56Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely. We need to let that idea go.

• 56:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes, yes. What is the biggest challenge you're faced with today then? Cause it seems like you've got all these things manifesting from your vision board. You've got peace, inner peace, you're an authentic 10, you've got light radiating. Disney show, the book, be a triangle, you got, you know, Canada's Got Talent host, you're like the star everywhere. Everything is coming.

• 57:21Lilly Singh?

  It's a pretty cool time.

• 57:22Lewis Howes?

  What is the biggest challenge? And even more importantly, what do you think is the biggest wound you have yet to fully face and do the work on to get to the next level?

• 57:33Lilly Singh?

  My biggest challenge and something, actually my answer is kind of the same for both of the questions you asked. Which is, in my life, as much as I've done the work to detach from accolades, like I've talked about, what I've not been able to detach from thus far is the pressure of being a first. Uh, and I'm, in my life, I've been the first in many instances, whether it was YouTube, you know, the first Indian girl doing things like this. First one on, you know, the first Indian girl on billboards for YouTube, then the late night show was also a first. I get that headline a lot, the first, and for someone who hasn't lived the experience, it can sound like, why would you ever complain about that? That's awesome, you get to be in all these, you get to make history,

• 58:16Lilly Singh?

  you get to be the first, you were the first person to do things. It's wonderful and exhilarating and also horrendous at the same time. To be the first is a really lonely place to be because you not only have so much pressure of every minority looking up at you, expecting you to do right by them, which you cannot possibly do for everyone, but you also have no one to turn to.

• 58:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:39Lilly Singh?

  When things get rough. Late night being the best example of that. When things got really rough for me, which other female late night host was I supposed to turn to?

• 58:46Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 58:46Lilly Singh?

  And ask advice for?

• 58:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:48Lilly Singh?

  So because that has been a theme for so much of my career, this first idea, it's such a big concept to say, but I've associated my success a little bit with history making, which is a really heavy thing to associate yourself with, like, I have to make history every time I do things.

• 59:04Lewis Howes?

  Every six months you're making history, yeah.

• 59:06Lilly Singh?

  I have not been able to, if I'm being honest, completely heal after those types of instances. Yeah, I still, when I think about those things, I feel very nauseous thinking about them. I have a lot of anxiety about them.

• 59:18Lewis Howes?

  From the past things you've been the first.

• 59:19Lilly Singh?

  From the past things, and also the fear of it happening again, which is a really unhealthy place to be because sometimes when I have an opportunity that's really exciting and awesome and I'm excited about it, I have a little voice in my head that goes, "You could be the first again and it's gonna be horrific all over again." And that's a very tainted type of

• 59:37Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 59:37Lilly Singh?

  evil that's in all things to come. I haven't been able to reconcile that.

• 59:41Lewis Howes?

  So based on this framework, how would you coach yourself if you were stepping outside?

• 59:45Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, this is great. I love that this is a therapy. Thank you. I can cancel my therapy session tomorrow. This is fantastic.

• 59:50Lewis Howes?

  Honestly, yeah, how would you coach yourself if calm, peaceful,

• 59:54Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 59:54Lewis Howes?

  loving Lilly was sitting in front of you?

• 59:57Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 59:57Lewis Howes?

  What would she say to you?

• 59:59Lilly Singh?

  The first thing I would say is,

• 1:00:00Lewis Howes?

  With that fear?

• 1:00:00Lilly Singh?

  With the relationship with myself, I just finished telling you about how we easily define ourselves. I just defined myself as the first. I just did that. But if I change that wording from "you're not the first", you are someone that loves to try new things and then you get put into a circumstance. Where it's unfamiliar territory.

• 1:00:19Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 1:00:19Lilly Singh?

  I can actually empathize with that person a lot more. So already that feels better to me that you're not the first. You're someone who tried something new and got on this path. And now it's unfamiliar, so allow yourself some grace.

• 1:00:30Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 1:00:30Lilly Singh?

  With my relationship with the universe, I would say that hey, the universe has provided an opportunity to you. Right? So yes, it's scary, but it's also an opportunity and you should you should focus on that part of it. You know, because this will be an exchange in some types. You will gain some, no matter what it, you will gain something from everything. The worst heartaches in life, you will still gain something from them. So I will remind myself of that.

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:52Lilly Singh?

  Understanding distraction will play a big role here because all the reviews and comments and people putting pressure on me are actually distractions from what my actual goal is, which is to do something cool and try something new and do my best and find fulfillment. So all these things are, all these things people are saying are actually irrelevant.

• 1:01:09Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 1:01:10Lilly Singh?

  Of course, it might mean a lot to them, but I actually do not owe to anyone to make history for them.

• 1:01:16Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:01:16Lilly Singh?

  I can only talk about my own experience. I can't talk about theirs. So I have to like take away the permission I've given them to tell me what I should be doing in this situation. And then implementing design, this can get real real. Oh, this intense new cycle is gonna happen. I'm not gonna see it. I'm not going to put myself in the position to hear these things or be in those rooms where those intense conversations happen. I'm gonna remove myself. Or implementing design is also, okay, I actually want to really do well in this situation. How can I build the best possible scenario where this thing is fun and I can actually enjoy it?

• 1:01:49Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:01:50Lilly Singh?

  So that's how I work through it. Did I just do it? I think I did it. I think I just did it.

• 1:01:54Lewis Howes?

  That sounds peaceful to me.

• 1:01:56Lilly Singh?

  Yeah. Wow, the first one really hit me, the taking away the definition of first.

• 1:02:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, because it sounds like I've been hearing you putting this identity on yourself, this label for years. I've always been doing the first and the pressure, the weight, the identity that you've held on to.

• 1:02:10Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:02:11Lewis Howes?

  Seems like that's not serving you that identity.

• 1:02:13Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, you're right, because when people call me the first, they're also giving me that identity without giving me context.

• 1:02:19Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:02:20Lilly Singh?

  No, not only are you the first, but you're gonna be doing something no one else has done. You're gonna be trying something new. It's gonna be scary. You know how lovely it would be if in an interview someone said, I'm sure it's really scary to be the first and I'm sure you're gonna be trying new things. And like, tell me about that, but no one ever asked that question. No one ever asked it in that context because I'm not given the context.

• 1:02:41Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. That seems like a good framework though. This framework works. We're testing it live. It's working. I love it. Is there any other fears you think you'll need to?

• 1:02:49Lilly Singh?

  The great thing about life is, life is so creative. The universe is so creative. You know when you were younger and you're like, "Oh my God, I lost my best friend. This is the worst pain I could ever feel." And then the universe was like, "Hold my beer because I'm gonna introduce you to 17 more things that are painful." Humans always think what they're going through right now is the most painful thing ever. But the universe is very creative. The universe will come up with new ways to both gift you and torment you.

• 1:03:12Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:03:12Lilly Singh?

  And so the goal is to build a framework that can last those things, even the ones you haven't met yet. And so I'm sure there'll be many other fears that I haven't even thought of yet.

• 1:03:20Lewis Howes?

  But the more you implement this framework, the more, I guess, resourceful, the more confident you'll be with any new challenge that comes your way.

• 1:03:28Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 1:03:28Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. I want people to get the book.

• 1:03:31Lilly Singh?

  Get the book.

• 1:03:32Lewis Howes?

  They can go to lillysingbook.com. Also, just anywhere on social media, follow @lilly. And get a few copies. I love this type of book. I told you before because it's short.

• 1:03:42Lilly Singh?

  It's short and sweet.

• 1:03:43Lewis Howes?

  For someone like me that can't read that long.

• 1:03:45Lilly Singh?

  It has illustrations also.

• 1:03:46Lewis Howes?

  It's got pictures. I feel like I'm seven years old again. It's perfect. And it's speaking about real life, which I think is really powerful. So make sure you guys get a few copies. Not just one, but this is one where you get like three, five, 10 copies and give them to all your friends.

• 1:03:59Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:00Lewis Howes?

  You can read this in a day. For me, it might take me a couple of weeks, but most people can read it in a day. And I think it'd be a great book club for you and your friends. So get a few copies of this book. lillysingbook.com, @lilly pretty much everywhere. How else, before I get to the final two questions, how else can we be of service to you?

• 1:04:17Lilly Singh?

  Oh wow. Well, first of all, you've already been of service to me. I want everyone listening to know this, that I literally emailed Louis about this yesterday. I literally was like, "I would love to be on the podcast, talk about the book," and now I'm sitting here in your studio today. So you've already been of service. I'm sure you uprooted your schedule. I'm sure you made a slot happen. You've always been so supportive. So you've already been of much service to me. And your exact response to my text was, "So..." Excited to support you.

• 1:04:40Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 1:04:41Lilly Singh?

  I want all your listeners to hear your fantastic.

• 1:04:43Lewis Howes?

  Of course, I got your back. I mean, people besides the book, they can watch. Tell me what else is going on. They can watch.

• 1:04:47Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, I'm part of. I'm part of an animated movie called The Bad Guys. It's a DreamWorks animated movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coming out April 22nd in theaters, so that's really fun. If you have any Canadians listening, I'm a judge on Canada's Got Talent.

• 1:05:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:01Lilly Singh?

  Which is every Tuesday on City TV. Oh yeah, I'm gonna start shooting this Muppet thing. I just did a TED Talk recently. I guess that's kinda cool.

• 1:05:07Lewis Howes?

  That's awesome.

• 1:05:08Lilly Singh?

  I'm doing a few things, trying to, yeah, I'm trying to stay busy.

• 1:05:10Lewis Howes?

  Are you still doing consistent YouTube right now? Or is that kind of like?

• 1:05:14Lilly Singh?

  No, I am not. I, I mean, I am gonna release a really, a cool video I'm passionate about related to the book.

• 1:05:20Lewis Howes?

  Cool.

• 1:05:21Lilly Singh?

  But I am not consistently making YouTube videos for the sole purpose of.

• 1:05:25Lewis Howes?

  Your mental health, probably.

• 1:05:27Lilly Singh?

  Making them that frequently is not fun for me.

• 1:05:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's not.

• 1:05:30Lilly Singh?

  And I don't find fulfillment in that anymore.

• 1:05:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it served you for a season, but not this season.

• 1:05:34Lilly Singh?

  I like to do things sporadically here that I could post a video, but the whole creativity on demand is no longer fulfilling for me.

• 1:05:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, okay, cool. I asked you this last time, four years ago you were on the show. I asked you this question. It's called the three truths question. You probably don't remember it, but I'm gonna ask it again.

• 1:05:49Lilly Singh?

  I don't remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

• 1:05:50Lewis Howes?

  And I have your answers here.

• 1:05:52Lilly Singh?

  Oh dang.

• 1:05:53Lewis Howes?

  So I'm gonna see if they're the same or what has changed in the last four years.

• 1:05:56Lilly Singh?

  I love this.

• 1:05:58Lewis Howes?

  So this is a hypothetical scenario. Imagine it's your last day on earth. You get to live as long as you want, but eventually you gotta go to sleep. Right? For the long haul.

• 1:06:06Lilly Singh?

  Okay.

• 1:06:06Lewis Howes?

  And you have this vision board every year that is just manifesting. Everything comes to life. Anything you want happens. You accomplish peaceful love, fulfillment, all these things are great, health. But one day you gotta go and you gotta take everything with you. Or no one has access to your content or your information anymore. All your videos, all the Disney shows, the books, for whatever reason, it's gone somewhere else.

• 1:06:30Lilly Singh?

  Yep.

• 1:06:31Lewis Howes?

  But you got a piece of paper and a pen, and you get to write down three lessons you would share with the world. Three things you know to be true. And this is all we would have to remember your content by. What would be, what would be those three truths for you?

• 1:06:45Lilly Singh?

  One, I would say is much of my content can be defined by being a disruptor. I think that is my purpose on this planet. I'm very clear on that, is to disrupt things. So I would say, don't be afraid to look at the mold and break it into pieces, and do things the way that are right for you, not the way someone told you to do them. I would also say that you shouldn't take life so seriously. And that's what the power of comedy is. A lot of my videos are taking my traumas and pains and making fun of them. You know, and I think we should be able to laugh at ourselves and we should never get to a place where we can't laugh at ourselves. And then I would say that we are doing a disservice to ourself

• 1:07:25Lilly Singh?

  if we are not showing stories that actually showcase what the world is like. And I know representation is kind of a fluff word and a buzzword at this point. Representation, what does that actually mean? It means that there should be stories for everyone, and not every story has to be about everyone. But there should be stories for everyone. Everyone should be able to look at something and be like, I see myself in this. And now I can kind of understand myself better and I can understand others better. We all deserve that type of, that type of medicine, I feel, in life.

• 1:07:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Not every story is for everyone, but there should be.

• 1:07:58Lilly Singh?

  There should be stories for everyone, although not every story has to be for everyone.

• 1:08:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:08:03Lilly Singh?

  Because I feel like we also criticize stories a lot, because like, well, that's not my experience. It doesn't have to be your experience. It's someone's experience. And everyone should be able to look at someone and say, that's, that's kind of me.

• 1:08:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Well, if people want to know the other three truths you had, we'll have it linked up so they can go watch this.

• 1:08:19Lilly Singh?

  Amazing.

• 1:08:21Lewis Howes?

  Because you had three different things.

• 1:08:22Lilly Singh?

  Did I?

• 1:08:23Lewis Howes?

  From here and that last side, which is interesting to see just kind of where you're at in your life.

• 1:08:26Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, the evolution, that's cool. That's a cool thing you do.

• 1:08:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:29Lilly Singh?

  Look at you when you're awesome podcast doing cool things.

• 1:08:32Lewis Howes?

  We're having fun.

• 1:08:32Lilly Singh?

  Good on you.

• 1:08:33Lewis Howes?

  We're having fun. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for the incredible growth that you've had, for the journey you're on, because I think it's really easy for a lot of people who have built a following, success and accomplishments.

• 1:08:49Lewis Howes?

  To not look within and do deeper work because things are working on the outside.

• 1:08:54Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 1:08:55Lewis Howes?

  And they're getting recognized for the things they've been doing for so long.

• 1:08:58Lilly Singh?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:59Lewis Howes?

  But the fact that you were struggling on doing this book multiple times for how long and said, something's not working on the inside fully. What is that and how can I heal and transform and go beyond that? I think it's really beautiful. So I really acknowledge you for the growth, for the work, for diving in on yourself and going from a two to a 10. I think it's really powerful.

• 1:09:24Lilly Singh?

  A true 10, yeah.

• 1:09:24Lewis Howes?

  I think it's, it's hard for a lot of people to be at a 10 these days, or even like a seven through 10, you know, range.

• 1:09:29Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:30Lewis Howes?

  On average. So the fact that you were doing that work, I think is really inspiring.

• 1:09:33Lilly Singh?

  Thank you.

• 1:09:34Lewis Howes?

  And it's, it's a beautiful representation of what's possible for people when they accomplish externally as well. There was a quote, I think I saw you post on your Instagram recently that was like, you wanted your life to be identified more on your potential rather than your pain.

• 1:09:51Lilly Singh?

  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

• 1:09:52Lewis Howes?

  Isn't that right?

• 1:09:52Lilly Singh?

  Yeah. It was about how, going back to relationship with yourself and how we define ourselves. If you don't have a clear idea of who you want to be, you often define yourself by pain.

• 1:10:04Lewis Howes?

  Your past pain.

• 1:10:05Lilly Singh?

  It's why when people would ask me, tell me about yourself. My answer would be, well, you know, I've had some mental health struggles. I had a rough childhood. I instantly gravitate to those types of answers because I've defined myself by the pain, because the potential of who I could be is quieter than the pain in my brain.

• 1:10:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:24Lilly Singh?

  And so I, I, the quote was that pain often screams louder than potential in our minds. And I don't want to be that person. I respect and acknowledge and see all of those painful things about me. And I'm not trying to erase them. But what I'm trying to say is that while they are part of who I am, they don't need to define me entirely. When someone asks me, tell me about yourself, I want to say, well, I'm going to create great things, actually. I'm going to create things that change the world. And I want to answer like that with potential rather than pain. You know, we always define ourselves by our struggles usually. And those struggles are beautiful, but we're also more than those struggles.

• 1:11:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that is beautiful. I love that. I'm going to start doing that more as well. My final question for you, Lily, is what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:11:10Lilly Singh?

  Someone who actively puts the work into discovering their purpose. Whatever that purpose is, I don't care if it's making great ice cream or changing the world. Whatever your purpose is, you put the work into learning why you're here and what you can uniquely offer. I think that is greatness because I think people should impact the world in only a way they can. But so often, we don't put the energy into figuring out what that way is.

• 1:11:37Lewis Howes?

  Really, appreciate you.

• 1:11:37Lilly Singh?

  Always appreciate you. Thank you so much for having me.

• 1:11:40Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys, so share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.