Armchair Anonymous: Funny Pregnancy

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a funny pregnancy story. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  Today, we have funny pregnancy stories.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Pregnancy can go all kinds of ways.

• 0:11Dax Shepard?

  It really can. You know, we often get gifted Evacs and our other prompts. And anytime that happens, I'm just grateful.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 0:21Dax Shepard?

  The universe is smiling on us.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:23Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy funny pregnancy stories. We get support from Quince.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:37Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:18Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:28Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 1:46Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.

• 2:35Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 2:53Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 3:10Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you.

• 3:55Dax Shepard?

  Can you hear us?

• 3:56Speaker 02

  I thought this could be a prank. I'm like, maybe it's not.

• 4:01Dax Shepard?

  It might yet still be.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  AI is pretty powerful, so you know.

• 4:05Dax Shepard?

  Maybe a loved one coordinated something and there's be a pop out.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Ooh, that would be extra special.

• 4:11Dax Shepard?

  What fake name do you want?

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm going to use Mackenzie. I don't think I look like a Mackenzie, but I'll tie it in later why I chose that name.

• 4:19Dax Shepard?

  Are you allowed to tell us where you're at, Mackenzie?

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Yes, I'm in North Carolina.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Oh, what part?

• 4:24Speaker 02

  I'm in the Raleigh Durham area and Monica, I did marry a Georgia Bulldog. Who?

• 4:30Dax Shepard?

  Congrats.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  He graduated in 2010. I mean, I graduated in 2009.

• 4:36Dax Shepard?

  Maybe he had a crush on.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Was he in theater? No, he was not in theater, although I would love to see him in theater. That would be incredible. Was he in public relations or the Grady School of Communications? No, he was in finance. And then he took a class at the end of college that was like how to pick a major just for like an easy grade and the last thing he should do was finance. Oh, boy. He was like, oh, what?

• 4:56Dax Shepard?

  Oopsies.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  It's okay. He's doing great.

• 4:58Dax Shepard?

  But maybe he booty bumped over at the spot you were preputing.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  I'm sure. I'm sure we ran into each other. I did not even know what the SEC was when we started dating. And then I was like, I will take on the Georgia Bulldogs. What do I need to learn? Thank you.

• 5:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a funny pregnancy story.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  I do. I am mortified that this is the story that was chosen of all my submissions.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  Just to paint the picture, I have three beautiful kids, love them so much. So I've been pregnant three times and pregnancy for me is not a glamorous experience. Some people are glowing. Some people feel better than ever. I am not. The only glow is like sweat and nausea coming off of me. So all of my pregnancy feels like I'm living in this sort of bubble. Like it's not even really happening. It's funny, when I had my third child, actually in 2024, I gave birth. The whole thing like, is the baby okay? Are we good? And then I looked at my husband and I said, I'm not pregnant anymore. And high-fived him on the delivery. I don't think I've even pushed out the placenta yet. As soon as I give birth to that baby, I feel better. I'm like, get me a sandwich, get me, it's a bizarre thing.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:08Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna ask if you had boys. Do you have all boys?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  I have girl, boy, boy.

• 6:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And is it true? Did you find that the nausea was worse for the boys than the girls?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. It was from beginning to literally pushing that baby out. So my daughter, I was only sick for like 20 weeks of it, but the boys were the full time.

• 6:26Dax Shepard?

  Only 20 weeks?

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Horrifying. Nothing touches it, not Zofran, nothing. Like, I mean, I've tried all the things. And then people be like, have you tried lemon water? And I'm like, have you tried throwing lemon water? Up. And it's terrible. So anyways, just a humbling experience all around is when I'm getting at pregnancy. So this story takes place in 2020. I was pregnant with my second. A weird time to be pregnant that I mean, COVID happened during this and it was so scary. The doctors like, don't go anywhere, don't do anything. And I'm such a rule follower. I was very stressed about it.

• 6:59Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, I had a glass half full take on being pregnant during COVID. Cause we knew a few people that were and I was like, the upside is normally when you're pregnant, you feel like you're missing out on a bunch of shit.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 7:11Dax Shepard?

  And you're not missing on anything. You're doing the exact same thing everyone.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  And my husband was working from home and then it was great with the C-section because he was working from home for that and you're not supposed to pick up anything heavier than your baby, which is impossible as a mom with other kids. So I'd be like, can you get her out of the crib, please? But for someone who is rule follower and scared of germs, it's a lot to handle. So during the course of this just bizarre season, I start to feel two little lumps, I guess, underneath my arms.

• 7:38Dax Shepard?

  Ooh.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  So as a woman, you are immediately terrified.

• 7:42Dax Shepard?

  You're like, I have breast cancer.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  And it runs in the family. So I send a message to the doctor, like, we do need you to come in. That felt really serious because they weren't just really having you come in for anything. They were even like skipping regular appointments. I go into the office, there's a nurse and there's a doctor who is older, which I actually love an older doctor. I'm like, you've seen it all. I feel like you know what you're doing. You're not Googling stuff in the back, like you know. So he is doing the exam. Monica, I'm sure you've experienced this exam. You're wearing that super cool front open shirt. Yeah.

• 8:10Dax Shepard?

  Cool.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  And he's feeling these spots and he's like, huh, this is interesting. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so scared. And he starts to feel one of the spots and he goes, oh my gosh. And I'm like, what? He goes, it's a nipple.

• 8:23Dax Shepard?

  No, wait, whoa, what?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  I know. My sister was like, Dax is gonna have a lot of follow-ups on this. But here's what he does. Instead of being like, okay, honey, you're all right. You appear to have grown an extra nipple in pregnancy. He goes, oh my gosh, I've never seen this. What? In all my years and squeezes it and milk comes out.

• 8:43Dax Shepard?

  It's lactating.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  I've heard about this because there's like breast tissue that goes up into your armpits. Oh, I'm so glad it's not cancer. And then I'm like, what is happening? He runs out into the hallway. He's like, I gotta get someone else to see this. So the other doctors are coming in marveling at it. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. They're like, you're right. It does produce milk. And I'm like, what do I do?

• 9:05Dax Shepard?

  Well, they've heard about this medically and they haven't seen it and they are pumped.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  This is an episode of Friends, Ross's thing.

• 9:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it is.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Yes. What do they call it? The like nubbin or something? No, no, that's Chandler's nubbin. I'm like, it's not even just one extra nipple. It's two extra nipples. Like, how embarrassing is that? So anyways, I am left feeling like, okay, I'm a freak show. Should I just go join the circus? Everyone is marveling at it. And he would come in and show somebody, but watch what happens when I squeeze it.

• 9:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  This guy. They refer me to like a breast specialist that they have and I go in and see her. And I'm like, I'm sure you've never seen this before. I know I'm the only one in America who's ever had this. And she's like, oh, honey, you have got it good. I've seen it all down people's arms. Wow.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  Multiple nipples running down the arm?

• 9:56Speaker 02

  She said you can get them anywhere. And she was like, honey, you're lucky that it's just in your armpit. And I was like, okay, well, thanks. I don't know what to say. And she said you can even get mastitis.

• 10:08Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Yeah, clog.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  I was really lucky that that did not happen, but it's kind of like a running joke in my friend group that I have this great milk supply because my babies get so fat so fast. And I am not like a big person, so it's just always shocking. Like, how'd you have this baby? I'm like, it might be the extra nipples. I don't know. Maybe my body just does a lot.

• 10:26Dax Shepard?

  You're a super producer. Well, hold on though. You're back at the doc. She's saying, don't worry, these could be up and down your arm. That's comforting. But my next thought would be, okay, so how do we remove them? Were you thinking like, oh, I'm gonna get these removed?

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Yes. I was like, so what do I do? And she was like, honey, I'd just leave it. And I was like, well, I don't want to. Can you see it? Yeah, you can. Okay, it's right there. Do you see it?

• 10:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's cute, though. It looks like an ingrown hair that.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, it just looks like a teeny tiny bump. I'm not pregnant or nursing right now, so there's no. Swelling with it, but you could still just think it's like arm fat that everybody has.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  I actually recently went back to the doctor and she was like, we can remove it. I was kind of worried about scarring because I'm like, is it worse to have a scar?

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Right.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Or to have a nipple? I mean, these are the deep, hard hitting questions. I had a consult with a plastic surgeon, which turned into a whole thing. It was on the phone with them for 30 minutes. They didn't understand. I was like, just trying to get the extra nipples removed. They were like, well, honey, how do you feel about your breasts right now?

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 11:25Dax Shepard?

  Trying to upsell you a little bit?

• 11:26Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. I was like, well, I mean, I've nursed three babies. Who does feel good after that?

• 11:30Speaker 01

  The doctors in this story suck. Mine is that one lady.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Yes. She's like, I got you down for a fat transfer and we're gonna remove. I'm like, no, no, no. I'm literally just trying to remove. But I didn't want to make her feel bad because it's her job. And I'm like, well, duh, like everyone goes here to do this. So anyways, I will get the surgery at some point. Logistically, I need to find a time when I can actually do that because I have three young kids.

• 11:52Dax Shepard?

  For the listener, I want to say, because my mind immediately went to you also had two new areolas. That's not the case.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  It's a teeny, tiny bump.

• 12:04Dax Shepard?

  And it's still all skin colored.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. I told my sister, I was like, Dax is gonna ask about areolas. I know it.

• 12:09Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think when you hear nipple, you're associated immediately with an areola.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  You think of the whole thing.

• 12:13Dax Shepard?

  The whole package, super nuts.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Maybe it's a cautionary tale. You too may have a nipple and not know it.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  I probably do.

• 12:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I mean, it looks like when I've had a clogged hair follicle in my armpit and I wrench on that as if it's a normal pimple.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  It just looks like a little skin tag.

• 12:29Dax Shepard?

  What did your husband have to say about it? I mean, that's great. He signed up for two boobs and he got four.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Does he ever suck on it? You don't have to answer that. You don't have to answer that.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  We were just laughing. I told him I have so many funny stories. I'm one of those people that just bizarre things happen to me. So I'll always be like, I've got a prompt. And then I told him, I was like, oh my gosh, I got selected for Armchair Anonymous. He's like, what story is it? I was like, it's the nipples.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  It's great. I think a lot of people feel very seen right now. Yes, totally. I have a lot of breast tissue in my armpit.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Yes. And I think a lot of women do assume it's fat. I know someone who there's like plastic surgery you can do on that area. And when she had it done, they were like, oh, that was actually breast tissue. That wasn't fat.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  You can tell when you're PMSing and your boobs hurt. I can feel it in my armpit.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  So Monica, watch out.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  I truly felt like a science experiment in there with everyone laughing and coming in.

• 13:23Dax Shepard?

  Well, your sister was right. I have a couple of follow up questions. So one is mastitis is something that, well, I guess it varies among people, but certainly it was something that Kristen had to deal with several times. And I even had to help at one point. This is a story that came public. But at any rate, were you having to express these other nipples to prevent getting mastitis?

• 13:43Speaker 02

  No, I think that can happen to some people. Another thing is like, it's gonna stop producing milk. You know, that's how you like wee in a baby. You stop nursing them. And so because I wasn't nursing a baby on them.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  But you could have, you could have been like, my boobs tired, stuck on my armpit now.

• 13:58Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Baby. It was really something.

• 14:00Dax Shepard?

  It reminds me of an episode of Taxi Cab Confessions, this great reality show that was on HBO early on. It was real people that took cab rides and then the people would talk to them. Crazy stories would come out. And this gal had had a breast augmentation after her last pregnancy. She just was lactating since that point for years, long after she stopped breastfeeding. Yes, that was the uncommon results of that augmentation is that she was producing milk indefinitely. All kinds of things can happen.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Sounds tough.

• 14:29Dax Shepard?

  They seemed to like it, this couple.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Oh, he was drinking.

• 14:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, this wasn't a story she was ashamed of. They were excited. She actually pulled her boob out in the cab and demonstrated that milk came out. It was a female cab driver. She was great at getting stories out of people.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Wow, to each their own.

• 14:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Well, that's a great story.

• 14:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, extra nipples. That's a shocker. I hadn't heard of that.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  I would love to explain why you spent the name Mackenzie.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Okay, so I texted my college friends. They know how much I love this podcast. I was like, guys, I don't know if I want to go out in the world with this. And now everyone I know is looking closely at my armpits. And Mackenzie texts, she said, use my name. Heck, I don't care. And so she's actually living all the way in Japan right now with her family. So shout out to her and all my friends who were just so pumped to hear that I was coming on this podcast.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  And then both of my grandparents on my dad's side were in AA. I remember as a young kid going to an AA meeting with my grandfather to get one of his sobriety coins. And I was just thinking about how cool it is. I'm two generations removed from that and how from a young age, we talked about AA, we talked about addiction. And what you're doing is shaping the next generations. Like, I think it's a different way to think down the line about it. And it has really blessed our family, just the openness about that.

• 15:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful. Did they have corny sayings and bumper stickers? Were they all in? Did they have like the one day at a time hung up?

• 15:53Speaker 02

  They didn't have any sticker. He just had his little coins. And when he passed away, we all got a coin and it was really sweet.

• 15:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's my favorite thing I have of my dad's is his box of coins. I just mailed one of them to Aaron.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 16:04Dax Shepard?

  Well, thank you.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  I didn't think this was gonna be my gateway into this, but here we are.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  I love it. I'm so glad.

• 16:10Dax Shepard?

  We'll take it. Great meeting you, Mackenzie.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Great to meet you guys. Bye.

• 16:13Dax Shepard?

  Take care.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 16:16Dax Shepard?

  Hello? Do I pronounce your name Aisha?

• 16:19Speaker 03

  Aisha.

• 16:20Dax Shepard?

  Aisha. Where are you, Aisha?

• 16:23Speaker 03

  I am actually in a work trip. I'm in El Salvador right now.

• 16:26Dax Shepard?

  What the hell are you doing in El Salvador?

• 16:29Speaker 03

  Well, I'm here with my church and we're doing some site visits with some communities that we help.

• 16:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, it looks gorgeous behind you.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  Right now, I have a really nice view of the Pacific Ocean.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Wow. What time is it there?

• 16:43Speaker 03

  It is 3:00 PM.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Oh, alright.

• 16:46Dax Shepard?

  Two hours later.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  What happens in the next two hours? That's my favorite joke.

• 16:51Dax Shepard?

  Where do you live normally?

• 16:52Speaker 03

  So I am actually not far from Robbie. I'm in Lake Zurich, Illinois.

• 16:56Dax Shepard?

  Wabi-wab, do you know that? I do. And do we think Wabi-wab's like the cutest boy ever from Chicago? I do.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely. And I follow him for all the restaurant tips and everything. He's my travel guide.

• 17:08Dax Shepard?

  He kind of is a travel guide. He should have some kind of newsletter or something.

• 17:20Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 17:34Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really

• 17:54Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 18:06Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired, and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 18:33Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours. But at some point, you're ready to put it out there, and that transition from private to public

• 19:17Dax Shepard?

  can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics.

• 19:26Dax Shepard?

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• 19:52Speaker 04

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• 20:24Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram Teen Accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 20:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called Teen Accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10pm to 7am.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 21:09Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with Teen Accounts.

• 21:29Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about Teen Accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 21:46Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you had a funny pregnancy.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  I do have a funny pregnancy story. Okay, so let's set the scene. I am newlywed about probably a year into my marriage and we had started talking about, okay, I think we're ready to start a family. Setting the scene, we live in a very small apartment, one bed, one bath, and I'm late on my period. So I'm like, okay, I think I got a test. In my mind, I had this whole beautiful idea of how I would tell my husband if I was pregnant. I had started planning it out, like, I'm gonna do this whole thing, but the suspense got the best of me. And one evening, I was just like, you know what, I can't even wait anymore. Let's just go get the test. I told my husband, I'm like, I think I'm pregnant. So you wanna test with me? And he was like, oh, my God, yes, what? Let's do this. So we

• 22:29Speaker 03

  go into our little bathroom. Our door, they had to cut out a space for the toilet. So when it opened, so that it would go over the toilet. Like, that's how small, it's very small. We're like knee to knee. And I'm in there, and I'm gonna do the deed.

• 22:43Dax Shepard?

  You're gonna pee on the stick, for anyone who doesn't know how this works.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Yes, I'm gonna pee on the stick. He's in there with me. We're holding hands. We're like, our life is potentially about to change forever. We get the results, the two lines pop up, I am pregnant. We instantly lock eyes, and I am just shaking and instantly have explosive diarrhea. Oh, wow. Oh, my God, but it's perfect, because you're on the toilet. I was. It was perfect. Wow. I don't know what made me stay sitting on the toilet, because usually you would pee and then you get up and you wait. But I stayed on the toilet. Your body knew.

• 23:24Dax Shepard?

  Well, there wasn't room, it doesn't sound like, to move around with him in there.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  There was not. Locked eyes with my husband, and I just had, you guys were talking about the Seven Kingdoms, that scene. Picture that.

• 23:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 23:38Speaker 03

  Oh, very.

• 23:40Dax Shepard?

  Fire hosey.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, fire hose squirting. My body was just letting it all out. It just released everything.

• 23:46Dax Shepard?

  I would have said, oh, it's a boy.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  It was a boy death.

• 23:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, of course it was.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  They're such rascals. Oh, man.

• 23:58Dax Shepard?

  We're wreaking havoc from the second we're made.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  Oh, did you laugh?

• 24:02Dax Shepard?

  Did you guys just start dying laughing?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  I was like shitting, laughing, all things. And he just kind of was frozen, like, I don't know what to do right now. A lot of things happened very quickly. He became a dad. He saw his wife shit herself. Oh, good. It was a lot to take in.

• 24:19Dax Shepard?

  It's a good primer for what's coming with the baby.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Blowouts. 100%. Oh, man.

• 24:25Dax Shepard?

  And how old is that little boy now?

• 24:27Speaker 03

  Actually, I actually wanted to preterm labor with him at about 24 weeks gestation. And he was with us for seven hours before he passed away. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's okay. You know what? He may not be with us right now, but I get to share him with the world through stories like this. Yeah, that's beautiful. You know, even though I wish he was here, the greatest gift is to be able to to share his life, even though he's not here. And so this is like the best way that I could be sharing myself with you guys. I'm just so honored. We're honored that we got to share the story.

• 25:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  I have a beautiful five-year-old now. She was in the NICU for about three months. She was born early, too. And you guys lived in my ears through that whole experience. And you guys were a way for me to escape some of the hard stuff that I was going through. I started listening because I wanted to escape. But listening to you guys, really what that did to me was remind me that I want to be present and I want to live this life and I want to experience the wonderful things and the hard things that you both have done such a beautiful job at painting a mosaic of this life experience that we all get to be living right now. And so, thank you so much.

• 25:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you. You just lifted my spirits like crazy and congrats on your little girl.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  Thank you so much. I have lots of people that love you guys as well. I would love to shout out my mom, Dee, and I would love to shout out Ashley and Maria and Emily and my daughter Ava, who also listens to Armchair Anonymous. Oh. And we have lots of beautiful conversations.

• 26:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's a thought starter.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Her teacher says, wow, she has a lot of background knowledge.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Thank you for chatting with us.

• 26:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's so nice to meet you.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  And have a great rest of your trip.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Love you guys.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 26:21Dax Shepard?

  Bye.

• 26:23Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  I love your tiny mic.

• 26:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's the first time we've ever had anyone with a tiny mic and it immediately makes me think of all those funny Instagram videos.

• 26:30Speaker 05

  Oh, it's definitely because I make TikTok videos. Yeah, I was trying to be super professional.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 26:37Dax Shepard?

  Emmy, where are you?

• 26:37Speaker 05

  I am in Bardstown, Kentucky.

• 26:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay, we don't get enough callers from Kentucky.

• 26:43Speaker 05

  I know. I actually was listening to one the other day. I got excited to hear her talking about Kentucky and I get excited hearing you talking about Tennessee, too.

• 26:50Dax Shepard?

  And did you get excited when we had Chris Stapleton on? He was talking about Eastern Kentucky?

• 26:53Speaker 05

  Absolutely. I just saw him this summer.

• 26:55Dax Shepard?

  You did? Was he spectacular?

• 26:58Speaker 05

  Amazing.

• 26:58Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so Emmy, are you a transplant to Kentucky or did you grow up there as well?

• 27:03Speaker 05

  Grew up in Kentucky, Owensboro, Kentucky, so third largest town in Kentucky, but now moved to Bardstown just by way of job and career, college.

• 27:12Dax Shepard?

  And Kentucky's on the come up, right? It's kind of growing as well, like Tennessee?

• 27:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're growing a little bit.

• 27:18Dax Shepard?

  I've been eyeing some farmland over there.

• 27:20Speaker 05

  Have you? That would be amazing.

• 27:22Dax Shepard?

  It's so beautiful. It's crazy.

• 27:24Speaker 05

  It's gorgeous. My family has a cabin on Lake Malone, so every time you talk about your lake house and boating, I grew up on a lake, so I get excited to hear you talk about it.

• 27:33Dax Shepard?

  Boat season's coming. Okay, so you have a funny pregnancy story.

• 27:36Speaker 05

  So my story starts back in 2008. I was 24 years old in grad school, kind of like in my indie era. I had a hoop nose ring and I was cool girl, hard trying to be anyway. And I had this one particular store that I like to shop for nose rings. I couldn't find what I wanted everywhere, so I had this one place I wanted to go. And so that just sticks in my mind because if I lost a nose ring, I had to go back to that one store. So Monica, I don't know if you have ever had any face piercings or anything, but. If you do, you're drying your face, you're sleeping the night, sometimes it can come out, you can lose your nose ring. So that would happen sometimes. And this one particular time, I was looking for my nose ring, I was looking in my bed sheets, I was looking in my pillowcases, I couldn't find it. So inconvenience, I gotta go to that one particular

• 28:21Speaker 05

  store and pick up my nose ring. So again, I'm in grad school, I'm starting an internship, I'm starting to become a little more professional. I was studying to be a school psychologist. So as I was kind of growing in my profession, I started wearing my nose ring less and less. You know, I wasn't wearing it to work, so it'd only be an evening thing, then it only became weekends, then it became never. So it kind of just aged out. Now I've just got a scar on my face.

• 28:43Dax Shepard?

  Will it close up like your ears or no?

• 28:46Speaker 05

  Yes, it's closed up. I can't get anything in there. Now it's just this hole that's there that I wish wasn't there, but what are you gonna do?

• 28:53Dax Shepard?

  Receipt of living, I would say.

• 28:55Speaker 05

  Exactly. So in this first internship turned job, I met my husband. He was a special education teacher at the school where I was a school psychologist. So a little bit of a meet cute story, Monica.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  I like that. It's a good pair.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  Dating, marriage, eventually, we're gonna fast forward to December 2015. So seven years later, I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I go to the doctor and I had been having some elevated blood pressure, a little bit of protein in the urine. I had preeclampsia. So they sent me to the hospital for bedrest. So I was there for a couple of days. They monitored lots of ultrasounds.

• 29:32Dax Shepard?

  And can you explain quickly what preeclampsia is? I remember we were all watching Downton Abbey.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:38Dax Shepard?

  And one of the characters had preeclampsia and the man grabbed the bedpost and collapsed with fear.

• 29:44Speaker 05

  Oh goodness.

• 29:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  It can be very dangerous.

• 29:47Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 29:47Dax Shepard?

  So what is it?

• 29:48Speaker 05

  Really just elevated blood pressure, which then if it gets too high, you could go into seizures, like it's dangerous for the baby. So just lots of monitoring and then lots of fluid retention. What it can go into, and then what it actually eventually did go into for me is Help Syndrome. And that's like really dangerous. So that's, I wrote it down, hemolysis, elevated liver enzymes, low platelets. So if it gets that bad, like for me, I had extreme back pain because my liver- Liver was distended. Then if you have low platelets, like you can bleed out. It's really dangerous. So the only resolution is deliver the baby. It's the only way to help the baby or the mom. So I ended up with that two times with both of my pregnancies.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Oh, my goodness.

• 30:31Speaker 05

  Before it went there, it was still just that kind of swelling and you're hoping that you monitored enough to not develop into help syndrome. But I'm pre-eclampsia, I'm laid up on the couch. My goal is to keep him in for six more weeks. I wanted to keep my son safe. So lots of moving from the couch to the bed, lots of chilling all through the holidays. I make it all the way to New Year's Eve on 2015. Again, sitting on the couch, watching the fireworks and typical pregnancy swelling. But I'm really retaining a lot of fluid because of pre-eclampsia. So super stuffy, I sneeze, I blow my nose. In the tissue is the nose ring from 2008.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 31:20Dax Shepard?

  This fucking.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Stop it.

• 31:22Dax Shepard?

  And you had no pain or any kind of inkling that it was in there?

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 31:30Speaker 05

  No issues.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Where?

• 31:32Dax Shepard?

  God gave you pre-eclampsia so you could extract this nose ring.

• 31:36Speaker 05

  Right?

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Where was it?

• 31:38Dax Shepard?

  In your sinus?

• 31:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, I guess just living up in my head.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Oh, my god. Thank god you didn't get like mercury poisoning or like metal.

• 31:46Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think they have to be sterile to use as rings.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Did it look rusty?

• 31:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was like calcified, like white.

• 31:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay, now I'm gonna ask a perverse question and I'm on record is like if I'm working to try to get something out of my sinuses and it's taking a long, long time. And it finally comes out, and I know I share this with Aaron, there is such euphoria attached to that. Oh, fuck yeah, that's out of my body. Did you have a wave of like, oh, my god, thank god that's out?

• 32:13Speaker 05

  I didn't know it was in there. I didn't feel it. So it didn't even feel any different. It was literally like, what in the world? I mean, I was in shock.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Well, it's like, what else is up there if that's up there?

• 32:22Dax Shepard?

  Car keys, old Motorola cellphone.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  I don't know if I would have had an MRI or something, would there have been some sort of issue? Because there was metal in my face.

• 32:31Dax Shepard?

  Might have pulled out.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  I did send a picture to Emma.

• 32:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. I'm gonna flip it over now. Oh, sure, sure. Fuck, I can't believe it ended up in your sinuses.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's full hoop still.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  But it's open, so there's that metal kind of hook.

• 32:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  That feels owly.

• 32:53Dax Shepard?

  Think how many times you had colds and stuff.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  I know.

• 32:55Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 32:56Speaker 05

  Seven years is a long time for it to live up there.

• 32:59Dax Shepard?

  I love that you brought it home because I did think at one point, what was all the nose ring chat about?

• 33:04Speaker 01

  Sure, that was great.

• 33:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was good, but somehow it didn't queue me in at all to that that was gonna projectile out.

• 33:10Speaker 05

  Right?

• 33:13Speaker 01

  If it never came out, maybe it would have made its way up to your eye.

• 33:16Speaker 05

  Ooh.

• 33:18Dax Shepard?

  I think it just would live where it had lived for seven years or however many years.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  We just don't know and we won't know because you got it out.

• 33:26Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 33:26Dax Shepard?

  Did you put it in a loose sight box and put it on display on a shelf? I think that's warranted.

• 33:31Speaker 05

  It is long gone. Get that away.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Was your husband like?

• 33:34Dax Shepard?

  Impressed?

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Probably disgusted.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

• 33:40Dax Shepard?

  Man, that's a long time.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  It really is so long.

• 33:44Dax Shepard?

  Like, none of your skin was still there, right? Like, your skin replaces itself entirely. Your organs replace themselves in seven years, but this thing hung out.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  This is gonna be like the rat water bottle story where when people lose things, they're gonna be like, oh, it's in my face.

• 33:59Speaker 05

  It's in my nose, yeah.

• 34:01Dax Shepard?

  Well, the next time I'm honking around and I'm like, something's in there.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're gonna be freaked out.

• 34:06Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna think that I was.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Something from when you were 12 years old is up there.

• 34:09Dax Shepard?

  A shirt pin that someone gave me or something.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 34:13Dax Shepard?

  From Disneyland.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Wow.

• 34:15Dax Shepard?

  That's great, Emmy. I love that.

• 34:17Speaker 05

  So five days later, I ended up having my little one and he's 10 years old now.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yay.

• 34:22Dax Shepard?

  You got a Capricorn.

• 34:23Speaker 05

  And he is his own armcherry. He loves you all and I would love if it would be okay if he came to say hi.

• 34:30Dax Shepard?

  Of course. Get a man. What's his name?

• 34:34Speaker 05

  His name is Reading.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  Reading, great name. Hello?

• 34:37Dax Shepard?

  Hi, Reading. Nice to meet you.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  You've got great hair.

• 34:40Speaker 06

  Nice to meet you. Thank you.

• 34:42Dax Shepard?

  And you like Armchair Anonymous?

• 34:44Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 34:45Dax Shepard?

  Do you have a favorite story?

• 34:46Speaker 06

  I don't know. There's just so many stories. I like the rat in the Stanley one.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Yes. Yes, I just talked about that one. That one really got a lot of people.

• 34:55Speaker 06

  I would have been going to the Stanley after that story.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  Oh, we feel really lucky that you listened.

• 35:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we love it. It's so nice to meet you.

• 35:04Speaker 06

  So nice to meet you all.

• 35:06Dax Shepard?

  All right, be good.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Have a great day.

• 35:08Speaker 06

  We will.

• 35:09Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 35:11Speaker 05

  Made his day. The only reason that I submitted this story is he's had this event in his life and he's like, I have to write in, I have to tell my story. So he submitted for Wildcard and he wrote it all on his own. And I was like, I'll submit it. But then when I went to submit, I saw a pregnancy story and I was like, well, all right, I'll throw mine in there. So now he got to meet you all and I'll tell him, just keep on submitting because maybe he'll have his own talk one day.

• 35:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love it. Well, lovely meeting you, Emmy. Yeah, this is fun.

• 35:39Speaker 05

  Lovely meeting you all. Bye. Thank you.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Oh, I just love that little boy.

• 35:46Dax Shepard?

  Me too. I want to put him on the team.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Emma, let's try to get that story.

• 35:50Dax Shepard?

  Let's try to get him as an intern.

• 35:53Dax Shepard?

  Let's put him to work.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  He did have good hair.

• 35:56Dax Shepard?

  Enviable hair.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  And then you are gonna grow your hair out.

• 36:01Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna grow my hair out, I think.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  And you're gonna start doing a hairband.

• 36:03Dax Shepard?

  I always do in that tough phase.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  What tough phase?

• 36:07Dax Shepard?

  There's a tough phase.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Oh, a middle phase.

• 36:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that I hate and it's abated with a headband.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  You haven't had long hair in a while.

• 36:14Dax Shepard?

  It's been a long time. I don't know my hair's thick enough for it anymore, but we're gonna find out.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  I like it long. Are you gonna do ponies?

• 36:20Dax Shepard?

  I'll do all kinds of, you know, I'll have fun.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'll have fun.

• 36:32Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman, go. From the maker. Of Grammarly is different. It's already right there inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important?

• 37:15Dax Shepard?

  It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go. From the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com. We get support from our sponsor Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight

• 37:57Dax Shepard?

  who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 38:02Speaker 07

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5

• 38:47Speaker 07

  milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 38:59Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.

• 39:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers because the plush fleece is so soft. It's cozy. It's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.

• 39:32Dax Shepard?

  Great, great, great.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.

• 39:46Dax Shepard?

  Roger.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.

• 40:00Dax Shepard?

  So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?

• 40:05Speaker 01

  You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Oh my God, a nose ring up there.

• 40:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that would have been my kink if I had to call in.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 40:34Dax Shepard?

  Anything like on if you pop a pimple and it's like, I just think about it over and over again. If I get something significant out of my nose.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  In your butt.

• 40:43Dax Shepard?

  I think about it. Yeah.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  But you don't get that with peeing, do you?

• 40:46Dax Shepard?

  No. And it doesn't arouse you? It doesn't arouse me, but it also is definitely, there's something else. Yes, there's something titillating about it, but I'm not like horny from it.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's abnormal.

• 40:58Dax Shepard?

  It feels like such relief. Like, oh, that's out. Oh, I'm so grateful. It's like, I'm grateful. It's gratitude. It's a lot of stuff. Do you get that or no?

• 41:08Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 41:08Dax Shepard?

  What about when you would have like a bad pimple that was one of your cystics and you would finally get it? And you're not supposed to, but you do it and then it's just like, you're like, oh yeah, fuck that. That's out.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think we've talked about this. I do like that feeling. You're saying that you relive that moment. I definitely don't do that. I'm like, it feels good that it's done.

• 41:29Dax Shepard?

  Your brain doesn't record that visual and play it on a loop.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, mine does.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Not at all.

• 41:36Dax Shepard?

  I have one. We're two months, three months out from it. There's one that plays in my head at least once a day.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a kink.

• 41:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  But do you have it about other people?

• 41:48Dax Shepard?

  Nope. I hate those pimple popping videos and stuff.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  That is interesting.

• 41:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's just me getting rid of my poisons and my, my character defects and all the bad.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Maybe that's what it's like.

• 41:59Dax Shepard?

  It is. It's like I'm extracting the devil out of myself.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  You know what I do? This is really gross. Now everyone's gonna look. This is like the girl with the nipple. I like, don't wanna say it. I like play with my legs a lot, any part of it where there's like a hair follicle. I'm always playing with it and scratching it and trying to get it clean.

• 42:23Dax Shepard?

  Yes. You don't pinch though?

• 42:25Speaker 01

  I sometimes pinch, but I, I also know how to like get under and then get it out. But you know, my legs look wild.

• 42:33Dax Shepard?

  From all that activity?

• 42:34Speaker 01

  It's not. I do.

• 42:36Dax Shepard?

  They're not camera ready.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  My legs are not a good look.

• 42:39Dax Shepard?

  But then in the summer, you can blast all that out with some tan.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  A little, but eh. Also because you know, I used to shave dry. So I've done some real damage to these legs.

• 42:49Dax Shepard?

  Shave dry sounds terrible.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  I had places to be and places to go.

• 42:53Dax Shepard?

  I gave it a dry shave.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  I would do it because I had cheerleading practice and I was a flyer. So like, I didn't want my legs to be here and I didn't, I did not have time.

• 43:01Dax Shepard?

  You're talking dead dry.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Yes. I know. My friend Gina really hated it for me.

• 43:06Dax Shepard?

  That's psychotic a little bit.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Listen, I do what I have to do.

• 43:11Dax Shepard?

  I kinda wanna watch you do it, though.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Haven't done it in years.

• 43:13Dax Shepard?

  I feel like it would give me such weird chills.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  It would be like the teeth that you would not like it.

• 43:18Dax Shepard?

  No, I wouldn't, but that makes me wanna see it.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  Why don't we do shaving dry story?

• 43:24Dax Shepard?

  You're the only submitter.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Like, hey, guys, I'll be right back.

• 43:28Dax Shepard?

  You just retell the story.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  I run to the back. Hello.

• 43:33Speaker 08

  Hi.

• 43:33Dax Shepard?

  Where are you at?

• 43:34Speaker 08

  Alberta in Canada.

• 43:36Dax Shepard?

  How's your winter? Have you been not having a lot of snow like the Rockies haven't?

• 43:40Speaker 08

  It's been a warmer winter, but we just got a big dump not long ago, so it's been wintery again. So it's back. She reared her ugly head again.

• 43:48Dax Shepard?

  And do you like when it dumps and you have an excuse to stay inside? Cause I like that.

• 43:52Speaker 08

  It's not bad and the kids like playing, so that's kinda awesome.

• 43:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Did we just meet the product of your pregnancy story?

• 44:00Speaker 08

  The kid you saw, no, was not a product of this pregnancy story. That's my oldest boy and I have three.

• 44:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so walk us through your funny pregnancy story.

• 44:10Speaker 08

  This story was in October of 2015 and we were expecting our third child and we were super overdue. 13 days, actually. So I was ready to get this baby out. I was trying everything, so we actually decided to try a shot of castor oil, which is one of the tricks they tell you to do. And it worked for our second child. So we said, let's give that a go. So we did that and watched a movie and hey, let's get some sleep, cause this could come tonight. And my husband fell asleep right away, of course. I wasn't able to get to sleep because things started moving. So I was like, okay, things might be happening.

• 44:49Speaker 08

  And at about 2:30 probably, it's getting intense enough that we probably should get going to the hospital. So I woke him up, he had a shower, no rush. Things were ticking along.

• 44:59Dax Shepard?

  Hold on a second. He had a shower? No!

• 45:03Speaker 01

  Don't some people do that? They're like, oh, we have time. Didn't you guys?

• 45:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Yes, you guys.

• 45:09Dax Shepard?

  Well, we had time, but my wife didn't wake me up at 2:30 in the morning and say it's time to go to the hospital. And I said, cool, I'm gonna hop in the shower. That seems kind of funny to me.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, I guess I get that. But also, aren't there all these stories like people's water break? And then they go have lunch and then they go to the hospital?

• 45:25Speaker 08

  Well, he needs to have a shower to sort of wake himself up. I've had two kids before. This takes forever. So it was no big deal. Lots of time, no rush. We called our midwife because we were meeting her at the hospital. We got in the truck and I remember saying like, no rush, no need to speed. Stop at those red lights, no big deal. It's about a 25 or 30 minute drive from our house to the hospital. 10 or 15 minutes into it, things got really intense really quickly. And I was like, this is really painful. I am very uncomfortable. I was squirming in my seat. I was sticking my head out the window to try to like cool off, to get some fresh air. And then I got this serious urge to take a big dump.

• 46:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 46:09Dax Shepard?

  Well, because am I wrong? Castor oil also is a laxative, is it not?

• 46:13Speaker 08

  It is. Yeah. So that all was happening previously. It kind of empties you out.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Okay. So that already happened.

• 46:21Dax Shepard?

  You had done some evacuations.

• 46:22Speaker 08

  The evacuating kind of happened. So I was kind of like, why do I have to go to the bathroom again? I thought that was over. This is so embarrassing. I can't show up at the hospital with pants full of poo.

• 46:33Speaker 08

  I'm like looking around for like a diaper or a bag or a towel or something. I don't know what I was gonna do, but I'm panicked. As soon as I stopped panicking, it subsided. The urge went away. And I was like, oh, perfect. But a couple of minutes later, another contraction comes and I'm like, oh, man, I gotta poo again. What is going on? And then I'm like, geez, Wes, something's coming out.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Duh.

• 47:00Speaker 08

  And it's not. From my butt.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

• 47:06Speaker 08

  I'm wearing a pair of like three quarter length sweatpants and I just take my hand and do a little exploring and check and I feel a head shaped bulge.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, hair. How far away from that hospital?

• 47:20Dax Shepard?

  What's the ETA?

• 47:21Speaker 08

  Ten minutes, probably.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  That's too far.

• 47:25Dax Shepard?

  That's a long ten minutes of your life.

• 47:27Speaker 08

  It's so long and I started to panic and I said, oh, my God, I feel the head. And my husband's like, oh, no, no, no, no. All he could say was no.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  It's like, yes.

• 47:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay, hold on, I'm gonna revisit the shower that I was pretty critical of, that no one was supportive of. And I'm gonna say now, we wouldn't be in this situation.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  Right, but then maybe he wouldn't have been able to drive.

• 47:48Dax Shepard?

  He would have done just fine without that fucking shower, Mike.

• 47:52Speaker 08

  It's actually Brian.

• 47:55Dax Shepard?

  Well, if he's like, I'm so grateful I'm clean for this.

• 48:00Speaker 08

  Oh, yeah, he starts kind of panicking a little bit. I realized that he's gonna be super useless in this situation. So I kind of really panicked and I'm like, you need to run this red light. Everything I said earlier is out the window. You need to get to the hospital as soon as possible because we need some medical attention. So he starts blasting to get there as fast as he can. I'm really panicked. I'm like, I think we need an ambulance. So I call the ambulance and then when I get on the phone with them and start chatting as soon as we explain what's happening, we look up and the hospital's right there. So we're like, ah, no, sorry, false alarm, we're good. We get to the emergency room door and it's kind of a backside door and he stops. I jump out and I'm on a mission to find some sort of medical professional.

• 48:44Speaker 08

  My husband is like, oh, can I get you a wheelchair? And he's trying to be helpful, but I didn't even actually acknowledge him and I just kept walking. I kind of ditched him. I walk into the emergency room and I'm just power linking as fast as I can. And it's this huge long hallway because we're on the backside and it's quite a distance to get to the main admittance area.

• 49:06Dax Shepard?

  Did Brian pull into the wrong entrance? Was there a better entrance?

• 49:10Speaker 08

  Probably.

• 49:13Speaker 08

  Oh gosh, so I'm laser focused to get myself there. And I remember I got to the end of the one hallway. I look, there's another long hallway and I see lights and people ahead. So I'm like, I'm almost there. And I start walking and I just remember really vividly feeling like I was out of my body. I was floating above myself, watching myself walk in. And I almost was like, oh, wow, this is like an episode of Grey's Anatomy. It looks like it would be a really good episode. And then I'm like, oh, my God, this is my real life. I remember also looking to my right and there was like a waiting room there. And it was like three thirty in the morning, so it was empty. There was no people, except there was one cleaning lady sitting there like

• 49:57Speaker 08

  mopping up the floors. And in my head, I remember thinking like, oh, my God, I hope that I don't make a mess that this poor person's gonna have to clean up.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Don't worry, she was a ghost.

• 50:09Speaker 08

  A couple of steps after thinking these things and then all of a sudden like pop, the head popped out. I'm walking as all of this happens. And then a couple of steps later, her whole body slipped out.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:23Speaker 08

  I am wearing like a pair of three quarter length sweatpants. And her head was kind of like at my knee. And then her body went up my thigh.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. No. Did you start screaming?

• 50:38Dax Shepard?

  It is so hard for me not to bring up the shower over and over again. I mean, we're just not in this situation without that shower.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  I can't believe you weren't already just screaming and screaming for somebody to come help. You're so nice. You're just like walking and looking.

• 50:52Dax Shepard?

  Fantasizing about being in a Grey's Anatomy episode.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  It is a good episode. You pull down your pants and there's a baby there.

• 51:00Speaker 08

  I was holding her head and body as I was kind of shuffling along. And that's when I started calling for help. I was like screaming to try and get someone's attention. And finally, they noticed that I was there and a couple of people came running up and they're like, what's wrong? And I'm like, I just had a baby in my pants.

• 51:21Dax Shepard?

  I just babied my pants.

• 51:24Speaker 08

  I just had a baby in my pants is really.

• 51:29Dax Shepard?

  Not a lot of people get to utter that.

• 51:31Speaker 08

  I didn't know what to do and they were kind of panicked too. They're like, oh, oh my gosh. They looked down and they like, pull your pants down. And I was like, oh, well, I'm kind of holding the baby. So they kind of helped pull my pants down awkwardly. They grabbed the baby out of my pants and the umbilical cord was wrapped around the neck. Oh, scary. God. And it got scary pretty quickly because she wasn't responding to anything and she was kind of odd color. And I was like, oh my gosh, I kept saying like, is the baby okay? Is the baby okay? And so it took a couple of minutes for them to get everything organized. And they're all kind of shouting things and they were like, we need the baby to go. And they kind of are pulling at the baby. And I was like, I'm still attached.

• 52:11Speaker 08

  Because of course, umbilical cord is still there. At this time, I'm now sitting on the floor, like in a puddle in the middle of the hallway, basically with no clothes on. Here, I was worried about just having a little bit of poop in my pants. They clamp up the umbilical cord. And I remember one of the doctors or nurses, I'm not sure what, he went to like snip the umbilical cord and right when he cut it, this splash of blood squirted into his face from the umbilical cord. And I could tell he was like, super disgusted, but he was trying to act really cool and professional. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. He's like, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. He was like, trying to make me feel better. I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is just a disaster of a birth.

• 52:55Speaker 08

  Anyways, they quickly whisked her off in a way. She had to go straight to the NICU because she had aspirated on moltenium, poop in the womb, and then they get it in their lungs. So she was in the NICU for a couple of weeks. But the funniest part was after the craziness was over, just as she was taken away, my husband shows up with this little backpack. Brian.

• 53:19Dax Shepard?

  His hair done. Come on, Brian. You didn't need that fucking shower.

• 53:24Speaker 08

  It started with the shower and got worse and worse. He looks at me and he goes, like, what happened?

• 53:31Dax Shepard?

  Why are you naked? Put your fucking clothes on. I look great.

• 53:35Speaker 08

  Oh my God, you're embarrassing us. I said, like, you missed it. It's over. Oh, and I'm like, what were you doing? He's like, I had to park the truck.

• 53:46Dax Shepard?

  I had to get the truck washed. How hard was parking at 3:30 a.m., Brian?

• 53:51Speaker 08

  Our friends actually tease him because if you know him, he's a big rule follower. He's also very by the book. So they tease him like, oh, so Brian, you had to get the perfect spot. And what were you like counting your change? 25? Or like making sure you filled the meter up? And everyone's like, what were you doing, buddy? He's like, I thought I had time.

• 54:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, now I feel bad for Brian.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  Well, he shouldn't have thought he had time when the head was already popping out.

• 54:18Dax Shepard?

  I called it immediately. This is a shower is insane, but we love him and he's a good dad and a good husband.

• 54:25Speaker 08

  He is not the best at childbirth situations.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 54:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, Heidi, this is a humdinger.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  That was good. I'm glad everyone's safe and healthy because yikes, she just stood up and gave birth.

• 54:37Dax Shepard?

  Vertical birth.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Into her pants.

• 54:39Dax Shepard?

  Babied your pants.

• 54:41Speaker 08

  The baby in the pants is now a 10 year old fiery little angel. And actually, it's my other daughter, my older daughter, who we listen to Armchair Anonymous all the time together. And it's a special time that we love. And she's always excited and hopes that it's appropriate for her because some of them are like, I don't know.

• 54:58Dax Shepard?

  Most maybe.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  That's fair. Like, maybe she didn't listen to kinks.

• 55:01Speaker 08

  My daughters love you guys, especially my second. She also watched Parenthood with me recently. I've rewatched it with her and it's so good. Of course, we love Crosby.

• 55:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you. Yeah, I'm very lucky to have gotten to do that.

• 55:16Speaker 08

  I just appreciate everything about you guys. I've been an armchair since day one and I just listen to them all and I love you both.

• 55:24Dax Shepard?

  Thank you.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  We love you back.

• 55:27Speaker 08

  My kids would like.

• 55:28Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course. Get them in here.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  Hi, kids.

• 55:31Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my gosh, they're all here.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  The baby in the pants is here too.

• 55:36Dax Shepard?

  Yes, Tonka.

• 55:40Dax Shepard?

  What's everyone's name?

• 55:41Speaker 01

  Evie. Charlotte.

• 55:44Speaker 08

  And I'm Reiki.

• 55:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Well, we're grateful you guys listen.

• 55:48Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  Makes us happy.

• 55:50Dax Shepard?

  Do you have a favorite armchair episode? Is there one story that you always want to tell people?

• 55:55Speaker 08

  Well, the mouse in the water.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 55:58Dax Shepard?

  It's quickly becoming evident.

• 56:00Speaker 08

  Now, this story will be their favorite one, probably.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a good story.

• 56:03Dax Shepard?

  It's a banger. Well, lovely meeting everyone. Tell Brian we love him and my apologies for being hard on him.

• 56:09Speaker 08

  Yeah, he's gonna love it.

• 56:13Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 56:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God, we're meeting families today.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Mothers are incredible.

• 56:21Dax Shepard?

  They'll do what needs doing.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  That story is similar to Elizabeth, Elizabeth and Andy. Their second kid she had in the car. She had as they were pulling right up to the hospital and the doctors and nurses like rushed out to meet them at the car. And he was born in the car.

• 56:36Dax Shepard?

  Didn't also Seth Meyers, his wife?

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Elevator.

• 56:40Dax Shepard?

  Delivered in the foyer of the apartment building?

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:43Dax Shepard?

  I prefer to have it in the hospital.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  I think most people.

• 56:46Dax Shepard?

  That's preferred.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  That's if you can.

• 56:48Dax Shepard?

  If you can. All right.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 56:50Dax Shepard?

  Love you.

• 56:53Dax Shepard?

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song. Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions. I'm the fire rhyme dish. I'm the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy.