We're Hannah Berner's favorite boy pod! 😂 | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian, bestselling author, and podcast host Hannah Berner for a hilarious conversation about stand-up, marriage, social media, anxiety, the internet, and why overthinking can actually make for great comedy. Hannah and Santino bounce between relationships, life on the road, podcasting, and the absurd realities of making a living by saying the quiet part out loud. They also talk about Hannah's latest stand-up special, *None of My Business*, now streaming on Hulu. Be sure to check out the special, and if you haven't already, listen to her hit podcast *Giggly Squad*, which she co-hosts with Paige DeSorbo. Watch Hannah's stand-up special *None of My Business* on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com Listen to *Giggly Squad*: https://gigglysquad.com Follow Hannah Berner: https://www.instagram.com/hannahberner Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #HannahBerner #ComedyPodcast ======================================================= This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL Play Daily Dingers and make your FREE pick on who’s hitting a homer. http://fanduel.com/whiskey SHADYRAYS PROMO CODE: GINGER GET 50% OFF 2+ PAIRS OF POLARIZED SHADES https://shadyrays.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

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• 1:30Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave Series presented by FanDuel. Hey, Whiskey Ginger fans, August 7th is my last show of the year, as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to be in St. Louis, Missouri. It's St. Charles, but it's St. Louis. It's right next door. August 7th, come see me. Probably the last show I'm going to be doing of this year. I've got a lot of other stuff we're planning. Great stuff for you guys to see coming up, but I probably won't be touring until next year, 2027. So, August 7th, come see me, St. Louis, St. Charles area. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 2:06Speaker 05

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard! Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a beauty. You owe me $5.

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  For the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse.

• 2:17Speaker 06

  Ginger, oh, hell, no.

• 2:19Speaker 05

  This whiskey is excellent.

• 2:21Speaker 06

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:25Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Dude. My guest today is one of my favorite people on the list. I say that, but my guest's my name is again today. It's Hannah Berner.

• 2:33Andrew Santino?

  And she was nervous. She said, I didn't want to have my dogs out on this podcast, but her feet are out.

• 2:38Speaker 06

  Look, sometimes you gotta sacrifice to get a viewer, too. And I'm not above anything.

• 2:43Andrew Santino?

  Feet finder is gonna go nuts for this.

• 2:45Speaker 06

  Actually, I'm competing with my friend on it, cuz I have like a 4.8. Like, it's, I didn't know I had good feet.

• 2:52Andrew Santino?

  Let me see your toes.

• 2:53Speaker 06

  I mean.

• 2:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 06

  And I have a good arch.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you have nice feet.

• 2:57Speaker 06

  Like, I have a good arch.

• 2:58Andrew Santino?

  You keep, you keep, well, the toes are even, which is really odd.

• 3:01Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 3:01Andrew Santino?

  Because most people have really uneven toes. I have weird toes.

• 3:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 06

  So I thought I was, I saw it and I started thinking differently about myself. I started having people treat me differently. I was like, I'm 4.8 on WikiFeet.

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Speaker 06

  My best friend Paige, 4.59.

• 3:16Andrew Santino?

  She, yeah, I could tell.

• 3:18Speaker 06

  So then.

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  She looks like a 4.9.

• 3:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, and she, and she doesn't even try. Like, I'm trying, like, I'm on this pod, like, check out my WikiFeet.

• 3:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 06

  So, anyway, I'm in a little competition. She's not in it, though. It's just me competing with her.

• 3:28Andrew Santino?

  Hey, guys, comment down below, uh, the number that you think her feet are. I'd say 4.6, 4.7, to be honest. Out of four.

• 3:39Speaker 06

  What are you, a fucking foot sommelier?

• 3:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Ooh, I, I sense notes of fungus on this, so.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  What about guys that get, what's your, what's your opinion on men who get pedicures?

• 3:52Speaker 06

  Oh, I thought you were gonna say men who have foot fetish, fetish eye. Um, men with pedicures, have fun with it, men.

• 3:58Andrew Santino?

  You like that.

• 3:59Speaker 06

  Try a pedicure. Not if they're like, I can't go to this event if I don't get a pedicure. But like.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  Do guys say that?

• 4:06Speaker 06

  No.

• 4:07Andrew Santino?

  I've never heard a man say that in my entire life.

• 4:09Speaker 06

  You'd be surprised.

• 4:10Andrew Santino?

  I can't go to this event.

• 4:11Speaker 06

  I know guys who are like, I need to get my hair cut.

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, haircut's different. You wanna get a haircut before you go to a thing.

• 4:16Speaker 06

  Do you have like a haircut guy? Like, you only trust him, and he knows like a deepest, dark. Sorry, I'm Italian.

• 4:21Andrew Santino?

  Are you my grandmother?

• 4:22Speaker 06

  You're half Italian. You have a haircut guy? You got a guy?

• 4:26Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, I have a barber. We all have a barber. Oh, I don't do once a week. I do once a month. Men do once a month.

• 4:33Andrew Santino?

  Once a month and that's all we need.

• 4:34Speaker 06

  Do gingers have a different, unique hair texture?

• 4:37Andrew Santino?

  There we go.

• 4:39Andrew Santino?

  Yes, I only go to black barber shops. They are the only ones that can handle my hair.

• 4:43Speaker 06

  That was such a good question that you tried to like, like shut me down for.

• 4:46Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you're right.

• 4:47Speaker 06

  Is it true?

• 4:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  Cause I'm a tennis player. That g- gingers, sorry, I keep on thinking I'm saying a slur, but it's just.

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 4:56Speaker 06

  Gingers are, um, don't handle the heat as well as other humans. Cause Yannick Sinner, did you see? He had a heat problem and Boris Becker also was a redhead and had heat problems. And I just wanted to raise awareness. Do you struggle at like hole 11 when it's? They just burned.

• 5:14Andrew Santino?

  Like vampires. Fancy's on.

• 5:16Speaker 06

  I love how you have him speak for you. Is he your fucking ginger PR?

• 5:19Andrew Santino?

  He is for now. My little Spanish ginger PR. We do, yeah, you know, we do, yeah, we don't have melanin. So that it's the sun is tough.

• 5:29Speaker 06

  So you're the whitest white person?

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  The sun's tough. But when I'm playing golf, I'm wearing sunscreen and a hat.

• 5:36Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 5:37Andrew Santino?

  And I think.

• 5:38Speaker 06

  Do you reapply?

• 5:40Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 5:40Speaker 06

  That's gay.

• 5:41Andrew Santino?

  Every six holes. No, what's gay is what I do at the turn. That's gay dude. I go, get in here, have a beer with me. Why are we having a beer in a bathroom? Don't worry about it. Yeah, get a little snack.

• 5:52Speaker 06

  You wanna share something sweet?

• 5:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, you know what? I tuna at the turn. A little cup of tuna. That's my, that's my snack now.

• 5:58Speaker 06

  A little protein. I don't, I'm.

• 5:59Andrew Santino?

  Well, we gotta be skinny boys now.

• 6:01Speaker 06

  I'm the tuna fish friend. I'll bring a tuna fish sandwich into a van.

• 6:05Andrew Santino?

  You're gross. Chicken in the sea.

• 6:07Speaker 06

  I'll hotbox these motherfuckers.

• 6:08Andrew Santino?

  Yuck. You would. You bring it on a plane.

• 6:10Speaker 06

  Ill.

• 6:11Andrew Santino?

  Yuck. You bring it on a plane, don't you? Well, you have, you, you would bring it on a fucking plane.

• 6:16Speaker 06

  I'm not a selfish person, but when it comes to food, like if I'm craving something, I'm like. I'm gonna eat it.

• 6:23Andrew Santino?

  On a plane?

• 6:24Speaker 06

  But I eat fast. People will be annoyed for like maximum two minutes.

• 6:28Andrew Santino?

  I'd be so livid. I'd go, that bitch in 4E is eating a fucking tuna sandwich. And I would be texting everyone I know, like, you're not gonna believe it.

• 6:35Speaker 06

  I haven't done that in a while though.

• 6:37Andrew Santino?

  I had a one, I did it in a special, or no, I did it in a.

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  Montreal showcase that they filmed, the JFL, what do they call those gala?

• 6:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, look at gala.

• 6:48Andrew Santino?

  I had a joke because on the way to Montreal, a woman, I got stopped at TSA.

• 6:53Speaker 06

  For your lack of melanin?

• 6:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she was like, brother, we gotta, we gotta self tan you. So they slathered me in self tanning. And they, they stopped me like three times because something on my bag was like setting it off inside the lining. So they kept like running it through. And then a woman behind me, hand to God, had a Ziploc bag filled with hard boiled eggs. And they let that bitch on the plane and I was like, throw her in prison. In prison, hard boiled eggs, a sack, a sack of eggs. Like a witch, like she came from another time. I couldn't believe it. And they let her right on the plane, hard boiled eggs, right on the plane. And I know she ate them on the plane and thank God I sat nowhere near her.

• 7:36Speaker 06

  That's sickening.

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  But you're the tuna fish on a plane, that's you.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  But tuna, I haven't done it in a while, okay? I've changed, I've grown.

• 7:44Andrew Santino?

  So that means you've done it.

• 7:45Speaker 06

  I've done it, yes, I've done it. But people change and grow. I once got in a fight because, are you familiar with what queso is?

• 7:52Andrew Santino?

  Are you out of your mind?

• 7:55Andrew Santino?

  Do I know what fucking cheese is? Melted cheese? Like I just woke up?

• 8:02Speaker 06

  It's Spanish cheese, it's not just cheese.

• 8:04Andrew Santino?

  It's cheese.

• 8:04Speaker 06

  Are you Spanish?

• 8:05Andrew Santino?

  He is.

• 8:06Speaker 06

  Okay, so he knows queso and cheese are different.

• 8:09Andrew Santino?

  It's Mexican, it's not Spanish, so you're wrong and you're insulting my Spaniard. Apologize to my Spaniard.

• 8:15Speaker 06

  I'm really sorry about that.

• 8:16Andrew Santino?

  How do you say sorry in Spanish?

• 8:17Speaker 06

  Um, lo siento.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  Say it to him, not to me, pal.

• 8:20Speaker 06

  Lo siento señor, me gustan tus ojos. I did do a lingo last week. Not sponsored.

• 8:27Andrew Santino?

  I gotta tell you, it's not working. Lo siento, sir.

• 8:31Speaker 06

  Lo siento.

• 8:33Andrew Santino?

  They don't like it when we pretend, you know that, right?

• 8:35Speaker 06

  Well, when white people speak Spanish, it's not impressive to them. They're like, shut the fuck up.

• 8:40Andrew Santino?

  Quesadilla? They don't want us to do that, just say casadilla.

• 8:43Speaker 06

  Just say casadilla, I was gonna say.

• 8:44Andrew Santino?

  Say casadilla.

• 8:46Speaker 06

  But I fucking love me some Mexican food.

• 8:48Andrew Santino?

  It's the bad, Mexican food is the bad, it's the, it's the one thing that we have here that East Coast can never touch.

• 8:53Speaker 06

  And I agree with you, and I'm an annoying New Yorker, hands down. Oh, I had enchiladas two nights ago. I don't even care where it's from, I know what'll be good, I trust it.

• 9:01Andrew Santino?

  Cheese, chicken, what are we doing?

• 9:03Speaker 06

  In a perfect world, I would have the combo. I would have the cheese, the chicken, and the ground beef.

• 9:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, bad girl.

• 9:10Speaker 06

  I know.

• 9:11Andrew Santino?

  See, this is like when I get to sushi spots, we went last, the other, what, last night? You know, when they're like, these rolls where they're like, it's yellowtail, salmon, tuna, halibut. You're like, why is so much fish in one roll?

• 9:24Speaker 06

  What does that even taste like at that point?

• 9:26Andrew Santino?

  Nothing.

• 9:27Speaker 06

  It's like, it's like an icy, it just tastes cold at that point.

• 9:29Andrew Santino?

  That's right, it's just, it's fish, it's just fish, it's all fish.

• 9:33Speaker 06

  Just call it fish.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  Just call it fish. I want to taste different fish. I don't like when they do that.

• 9:37Speaker 06

  It doesn't fit in your mouth.

• 9:39Andrew Santino?

  Pause. My god. Stop, will you cut it out?

• 9:44Speaker 06

  Very tiny mouth.

• 9:45Andrew Santino?

  You do have a tiny mouth. Hey, did I see you on a cover of Sports Illustrated?

• 9:51Speaker 06

  Yes. I wasn't on the cover though, I actually didn't get picked for the cover.

• 9:54Andrew Santino?

  Wait, really? Who was on the cover?

• 9:57Speaker 06

  Actually Tiffany Haddish was on the cover.

• 10:00Andrew Santino?

  Tiff was on the cover?

• 10:01Speaker 06

  Tiff was on the cover. They had, actually like four-

• 10:02Andrew Santino?

  Was it like only women in comedy?

• 10:05Speaker 06

  No.

• 10:05Andrew Santino?

  So-

• 10:06Speaker 06

  I actually got-

• 10:06Andrew Santino?

  Just you two with the women in-

• 10:07Speaker 06

  I got the call and I was like, I'm representing women in comedy. I always say I'm the hottest woman in comedy besides Matt Rife, and she-

• 10:16Andrew Santino?

  She's gorgeous. You couldn't touch her.

• 10:19Speaker 06

  Stoner.

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  Go off, queen.

• 10:20Speaker 06

  Oh, so um-

• 10:22Andrew Santino?

  What do you do for work?

• 10:24Speaker 06

  There's four people with covers, like they gave everyone a cover but me, actually.

• 10:28Andrew Santino?

  Wait, Tiff?

• 10:29Speaker 06

  Tiff, Alex Earl, um-

• 10:32Andrew Santino?

  But you two are the only comedians.

• 10:34Speaker 06

  Well, I thought I was the only comedian, I was walking around like, see, funny girls can be hot, whatever. And then Tiffany Haddish got announced and I was like, oh, she's, okay, she's the-

• 10:42Andrew Santino?

  She's gonna get the cover.

• 10:43Speaker 06

  She's the one, yeah.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  Damn.

• 10:44Speaker 06

  She's the one.

• 10:44Andrew Santino?

  How deep in the magazine are you? She gets to cover your 50s tube.

• 10:49Speaker 06

  But you know, I never dreamed of being on Sports Illustrated, that wasn't like a thing. So when they, when they came my way, I was like, that could be, like, people wouldn't expect it from me.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  But you do, but you played tennis in college, so don't, didn't you think about being in Sports Illustrated in the other fashion?

• 11:03Speaker 06

  Well, I liked that they had all like the cool WNBA girls and like the, some tennis girls have done it. So I did it as if I was an athlete and they're like, you're not an athlete.

• 11:11Andrew Santino?

  You're not an athlete.

• 11:12Speaker 06

  And they had like a whole athlete spread, I'm like, do you want me to stand there?

• 11:14Andrew Santino?

  Nah, you're okay.

• 11:15Speaker 06

  No, it's okay, I'm like, I mean, Division One is pretty fucking, that was a lot of work.

• 11:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there was like 50,000 of you.

• 11:22Andrew Santino?

  They're like, "You're good. Get back in line."

• 11:24Speaker 06

  I did play like three professional tournaments that like...

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  And they're like, "You're ranked 1,000 in the world. Get back in line." Thirty-three dollars?

• 11:31Speaker 06

  Tennis, you don't make prize money until you're like top 200.

• 11:33Andrew Santino?

  Even still, right?

• 11:34Speaker 06

  Even still, yeah.

• 11:35Andrew Santino?

  That's so crazy.

• 11:37Speaker 06

  I know, but my Sports Illustrated, it did get a big response, but almost, you know when it's too much where I'm like, "Okay, guys, it's not like that crazy."

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean? Do a good response or a bad response?

• 11:47Speaker 06

  It was good, but to the point that they were like, like, it was like, "She's so brave." Like, that was the energy.

• 11:53Andrew Santino?

  Why brave? Is that braver?

• 11:56Speaker 06

  I think because I don't normally show off my body at all.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, brave to be so vulnerable.

• 12:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, people were like, "Hannah, like..." Like, even, like, someone was interviewing me, they're like, "I know you have imposter syndrome," and I was like, "I don't! Who's saying that?"

• 12:08Andrew Santino?

  They're like, "You should, if you don't."

• 12:10Speaker 06

  I'm like, "I actually could use a little imposter syndrome."

• 12:13Andrew Santino?

  You have none.

• 12:15Speaker 06

  No, life's too short.

• 12:16Andrew Santino?

  That's right, yeah, yeah, you deserve it. Just say it's mine, I deserve it.

• 12:18Speaker 06

  I did have imposter syndrome with tennis, though. But like, art and stuff, I'm like...

• 12:23Andrew Santino?

  Arts, arts, subjective, who cares?

• 12:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's...

• 12:25Andrew Santino?

  Tennis is pretty...

• 12:26Speaker 06

  "I was bad? Talk to your own therapist about you projecting that shit onto me."

• 12:31Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 12:32Speaker 06

  Tennis, I'm like, "Yeah, I'm a loser."

• 12:33Andrew Santino?

  It's objective. You know if you're good or bad. They beat you. If you lose in tennis, they're better.

• 12:37Speaker 06

  You can't like, talk shit after. It's like, "You lost."

• 12:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you lost.

• 12:40Speaker 06

  Go home.

• 12:41Andrew Santino?

  Go home.

• 12:42Speaker 06

  Go get yelled at by your dad.

• 12:43Andrew Santino?

  And then go get on the cover of Sports Illustrated, or inside of it. I think that's huge. I think it's, that's awesome.

• 12:49Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna get on Redhead Monthly as called me this month.

• 12:52Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 12:53Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna get July.

• 12:54Speaker 06

  You're up there. You and Francis Ellis.

• 12:56Andrew Santino?

  That son of a bitch.

• 12:58Speaker 06

  I can't even say his name, be like, "Cut that."

• 13:00Andrew Santino?

  Not around me, pal.

• 13:01Speaker 06

  Cut that.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  Not with that looks-macking jaw that he's got. I know him well, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 06

  Okay, oh yeah, because you guys love golf. You guys are white as fuck.

• 13:07Andrew Santino?

  We're also...

• 13:08Speaker 06

  Two raw pieces of chicken.

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  We're two different pieces of chicken, pal.

• 13:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, you come from a different breed.

• 13:13Andrew Santino?

  That kid's like Harvard Mayflower material.

• 13:16Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, right off the boat.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  Or, did you go to Harvard or you went to...

• 13:19Speaker 06

  Harvard.

• 13:19Andrew Santino?

  No, to Harvard, yeah, get out of here.

• 13:20Speaker 06

  And lacrosse.

• 13:20Andrew Santino?

  I went to Arizona State. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

• 13:25Speaker 06

  That wouldn't be good for your skin. Arizona?

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it worked out just fine.

• 13:29Speaker 06

  That's like unsafe.

• 13:29Andrew Santino?

  I died a couple of years ago.

• 13:31Speaker 06

  That's crazy.

• 13:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're seeing a hologram.

• 13:33Speaker 06

  This is like your third layer of skin.

• 13:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we shed.

• 13:37Andrew Santino?

  Redheads do shed. I love that, I have members of my family who do that. They're like, oh, you get a first burn, summer burn, first burn. I'm like, don't get burned at all.

• 13:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:44Andrew Santino?

  Don't get burned.

• 13:45Speaker 06

  You start bubbling, don't you?

• 13:47Andrew Santino?

  I've never burned like that.

• 13:48Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 13:49Andrew Santino?

  But it's also because I'm half Sicilian. So my Italian side probably helps out not burn.

• 13:53Speaker 06

  You know I'm half Sicilian, right?

• 13:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I do. We talked about this.

• 13:56Speaker 06

  Oh my god. Every time we go on this podcast, we get to start over.

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable.

• 14:00Speaker 06

  It's cra- but you know-

• 14:01Andrew Santino?

  Let's pretend it's Giggly Squad.

• 14:03Speaker 06

  Don't fucking roleplay me right now.

• 14:05Andrew Santino?

  Let's pretend real fast.

• 14:06Speaker 06

  I mean-

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  Don't roleplay me.

• 14:10Andrew Santino?

  There you go. Now we're back in it. Right away. Where do you guys shoot that?

• 14:14Speaker 06

  Anywhere. Anywhere where laughter wants to be.

• 14:17Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, Tax Dodger. I get that.

• 14:20Andrew Santino?

  She's like, where do we shoot it? Uh, the government doesn't need to know. Yeah, Florida. We shoot it in Florida. We shoot in West Palm.

• 14:29Speaker 06

  We're retired.

• 14:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, you could retire soon. You guys are doing so great.

• 14:34Speaker 06

  No, we have, it's just cool to podcast with your best friend. If anyone knew, you would know.

• 14:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is.

• 14:40Speaker 06

  You weren't at the Netflix brunch. Bobby was like all alone.

• 14:43Andrew Santino?

  I was at the Netflix brunch.

• 14:46Andrew Santino?

  He was in the back. I was in the back.

• 14:47Speaker 06

  Wait, you, sorry, we fully talked at the Netflix brunch.

• 14:50Andrew Santino?

  Yep, I was there. I said hi to you. No, Bobby and I-

• 14:53Speaker 06

  It was a great conversation, actually, I remember.

• 14:55Andrew Santino?

  When we're at a function together, we're separate.

• 14:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:58Andrew Santino?

  We don't need to be, we don't want to be together.

• 15:00Speaker 06

  But it's like, oh, my marriage, like when you're out in public, you-

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  We show up together, we leave together.

• 15:05Speaker 06

  Yes, you don't have to spend time together. You're with them all the time.

• 15:07Andrew Santino?

  We see each other way too much.

• 15:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:09Andrew Santino?

  And him, he's with, he sees all of it.

• 15:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  Poor Spanish bastard. Yeah, the Netflix brunch was-

• 15:15Speaker 06

  How do you say bastard in Spanish?

• 15:17Andrew Santino?

  Bastardo. Sí? Sí, muy bien. You need to learn Spanish.

• 15:22Speaker 06

  I feel like you're like culturally-

• 15:25Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead. Culturally.

• 15:28Speaker 06

  Appropriating by speaking Spanish.

• 15:31Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 15:32Speaker 06

  Cause you're so fucking white.

• 15:34Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 15:36Speaker 06

  No, your house is Italian. Yeah.

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, because of him, I, I think by osmosis, if you hire and hang out with a Spaniard after a couple of years, right?

• 15:46Speaker 07

  I think you're totally good.

• 15:47Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 15:48Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 15:49Andrew Santino?

  I got approval, you did not.

• 15:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:50Andrew Santino?

  So watch, watch your tone.

• 15:52Speaker 06

  He's like, just stick to quesadillas.

• 15:53Speaker 07

  Uh huh.

• 15:54Andrew Santino?

  Quesadilla.

• 15:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:56Andrew Santino?

  But he, he's, he's actually quite racist against Mexicans. The Spanish are insanely racist.

• 16:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:01Andrew Santino?

  They are, say it.

• 16:02Speaker 07

  We are.

• 16:03Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, I know, I've, I know a lot of like Puerto Ricans from New York and they have opinions.

• 16:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, brother, yeah, they're, oh, yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 06

  That I stay out of, I stay out of, but.

• 16:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's not our fight.

• 16:13Speaker 06

  It's not my fight.

• 16:14Andrew Santino?

  That's not our fight, man. You let the Puerto Ricans say whatever they want. That's not my fight.

• 16:19Speaker 06

  Puerto Rican yo.

• 16:20Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 16:21Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:22Andrew Santino?

  Have you been to Puerto Rico?

• 16:23Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 16:24Andrew Santino?

  Lovely?

• 16:26Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead.

• 16:28Speaker 06

  So tell me about your time in Puerto Rico. Um, yeah, it was great.

• 16:32Andrew Santino?

  I've never been. I did just go to the Dominican Republic, though.

• 16:35Speaker 06

  I did actually traffic, um, a dog and a cat from Puerto Rico.

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 16:40Speaker 06

  That's what it's like going on vacation with me.

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  You know those signs in the bathroom that say if you're being human trafficked?

• 16:45Speaker 06

  This cat was like, get me the fuck out of here. Did Nikki Glaser in her, in her special was saying, they don't have those in men's bathrooms, do they?

• 16:53Andrew Santino?

  Of course they do.

• 16:54Speaker 06

  Really?

• 16:55Andrew Santino?

  How would I know that? I don't go in women's bathrooms. How would I know that?

• 16:59Speaker 06

  That's what the governments are trying to figure out.

• 17:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. No, yeah, we have them. It says if you're being trafficked.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  Who's trafficking? Oh, maybe boys. I don't know. You're in LA, you know these things.

• 17:09Andrew Santino?

  People traffic everybody.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:10Andrew Santino?

  Dude, the trafficking game is huge. He used to be in it. That's what we got him out of.

• 17:13Speaker 06

  He's El Traffic Door.

• 17:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he was, he was.

• 17:15Speaker 07

  I blinked twice and there I am.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  No, you better not blink, dude. Not on this show. You stay seated. Do you understand me?

• 17:21Speaker 06

  Trafficking, what a intense name, trafficking.

• 17:24Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 17:25Speaker 06

  Also, that's double meaning. I feel like they should come up with their own name for what they're doing.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  Human stealing.

• 17:30Speaker 06

  Let's be a little more upfront about it.

• 17:32Andrew Santino?

  Be on the nose about it.

• 17:32Speaker 06

  I didn't realize trafficking was so bad until.

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  It's like the worst thing in the world and it's real prevalent.

• 17:37Speaker 06

  I just thought it was like, yeah, New York's.

• 17:39Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, we have an entire branch of the federal government that focuses on just trafficking. Yeah. Aiding and abetting. Making sure it keeps going. Alright, guys, speed it up. Just steal four or five today, will ya?

• 17:51Speaker 06

  No, we, I found out there was like a.

• 17:53Andrew Santino?

  You talk about trafficking in your new special? Easy, easy transition, by the way.

• 17:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, that was.

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  Your new special coming out on Hulu. June 5th, which means it's out right now, June 5th, it is out. Cause June 5th already existed when this podcast is out.

• 18:06Speaker 06

  Even though this came out in 2029, you're a real one. Two years ago, my Hulu special came out.

• 18:10Andrew Santino?

  Your Hulu special came out.

• 18:11Speaker 06

  You had a great Hulu special too.

• 18:12Andrew Santino?

  I don't remember. I wasn't there.

• 18:16Speaker 06

  Did you never have a Hulu special?

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  I did. It's very nice.

• 18:18Speaker 06

  I thought I was going crazy, just like when I forgot that I saw you, that we hung out the entire bunch, actually. We had like a full heart to heart.

• 18:23Andrew Santino?

  Is everything going okay?

• 18:25Speaker 06

  Me?

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  Are you firing at full speed upstairs? Are you worried about six lines tomorrow? She's shooting a show tomorrow.

• 18:30Speaker 06

  I'm, I'm acting in my first ever. Movie.

• 18:34Andrew Santino?

  You, you've never been in a feature film?

• 18:35Speaker 06

  Never.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  But you've been on television?

• 18:38Speaker 06

  Kind of, like I've acted as myself in some stuff, like I'm.

• 18:41Andrew Santino?

  But that's still.

• 18:42Speaker 06

  I'm, I'm new to this game. Do you have any advice for like?

• 18:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I'm getting out of it. This is so funny. I don't want, I'm out.

• 18:48Speaker 06

  You're out? Cause you were in deep. You were on everything at one point. I like, I was like, can I see one show without them? Why? You got older?

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Grays, once the grays set in, these grays, the grays, the grays, once the grays set in, they're not interested anymore.

• 19:01Speaker 06

  No, no, no, you have to go full gray and then you're back again.

• 19:04Andrew Santino?

  But I, I don't, I don't dye them. I just let them, this is it. It's coming. I'm just letting it happen on its own. I'm never gonna not have, I'm gonna let them go on their own. I'm not gonna try to color my hair to look like this color. It's impossible.

• 19:16Speaker 06

  Isn't acting weird though? You have to be a trope or like they don't get it?

• 19:20Andrew Santino?

  You gotta be, it's a moment in time. It's like they love you because you fit the, in, you slot into a. You know that show, what's that Chris Hardwick show where the ball bounces in the fucking slot thing with the money?

• 19:33Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 19:34Andrew Santino?

  The wall?

• 19:34Speaker 06

  Severance?

• 19:35Andrew Santino?

  Yes, Severance. Yeah. Exactly. No, come on, um, uh, uh, uh, come on down.

• 19:42Speaker 06

  How does your producer not have a computer? Isn't that the one thing?

• 19:45Andrew Santino?

  He usually does. What's the, what's the? What's the Drew Carey show?

• 19:48Speaker 06

  For my episode?

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  What's the Drew Carey show? Come on down.

• 19:51Speaker 06

  Oh, um.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  Bob Barker used to host The Price is Right.

• 19:55Speaker 06

  Oh, Price is Right.

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ. Price is Right, Plinko. You drop a chip and it bing, ba-bong, ba-bum, ba-bum, and it lands in either a money spot or a bankroll spot.

• 20:03Speaker 06

  This, this has been way too long to get to whatever point you're trying to...

• 20:06Andrew Santino?

  I lost it already.

• 20:07Speaker 06

  What metaphor we're doing here?

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  I lost it already, dude. It's already gone. The fans will get it.

• 20:13Speaker 07

  You have to sliding at the right time.

• 20:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you have to sliding at the right time. You're being slotted, you're being slotted, you have to really, it's, it's, it's luck.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  But that's why we love stand-up, cuz you don't have to wait to get chosen.

• 20:24Andrew Santino?

  We slot. Yeah, we do it.

• 20:25Speaker 06

  We, we...

• 20:27Andrew Santino?

  We be slotting.

• 20:27Speaker 06

  We be slotting, no consent.

• 20:31Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 20:32Speaker 06

  No, I mean, let's go. I'm, I'm, yeah.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  We be slotting.

• 20:35Speaker 06

  We be slotting.

• 20:36Andrew Santino?

  Okay, we be slotting.

• 20:36Speaker 06

  No, someone told me earlier...

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  What's the name of the film, by the way?

• 20:39Speaker 06

  I don't know if I'm allowed to say that.

• 20:41Andrew Santino?

  Say it.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  Look, you're trying to, you're trying to get me in trouble.

• 20:43Andrew Santino?

  I dare you to say it.

• 20:45Speaker 06

  It rhymes with shmer, shmer, shmer.

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 20:48Speaker 06

  You know that one?

• 20:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the, the last Airbender. A new one. Somebody told you earlier?

• 20:54Speaker 06

  I would love to be in an action film.

• 20:55Andrew Santino?

  What did they tell you? Somebody told you earlier, I cut you off? What did somebody tell you earlier? You said, "Somebody told me earlier."

• 20:59Speaker 06

  What planet are we on? Oh, someone told me, oh, that, um, cuz I've had ups and downs in this, you know, long career I've had, and...

• 21:08Andrew Santino?

  Virginia Slims?

• 21:09Speaker 06

  Someone was just like, like, "Don't worry about that, just focus on your stand-up because people can't take that away from you."

• 21:17Andrew Santino?

  That's, I mean, they can't, they can't stop you from doing stand-up, yeah. They can stop you from being in, for film.

• 21:22Speaker 06

  From selling, selling tickets.

• 21:23Andrew Santino?

  Selling tickets, yeah, that's true, that's true.

• 21:25Speaker 06

  But I guess there's something about, like, actors to even act in front of people have to book something, where like, stand-up, you can always be creating.

• 21:33Andrew Santino?

  You can just go to a cafe.

• 21:34Speaker 06

  You just, you bother, do it in the subway, bother anyone.

• 21:37Andrew Santino?

  Like the guys that, that are like, "Excuse me!"

• 21:39Speaker 06

  Go on a bad date. Do some crowd work.

• 21:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, you don't have to do that anymore, you're done, dude. No more bad dates for you.

• 21:46Speaker 06

  I know.

• 21:46Andrew Santino?

  How sick is that?

• 21:47Speaker 06

  Oh my god, I, I don't, I used to like dating, though.

• 21:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, okay. Don't tell your husband.

• 21:54Speaker 06

  No, I had, I, cuz it's like...

• 21:57Andrew Santino?

  You enjoyed the nuances of different people, meeting people and...

• 22:02Speaker 06

  No, I don't like people.

• 22:03Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 22:04Speaker 06

  I didn't like meeting people.

• 22:05Andrew Santino?

  That's a big part of dating.

• 22:06Speaker 06

  That was the one part that kind of threw me.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  Meeting people? What did you like about dating, dressing up?

• 22:10Speaker 06

  I think because I like to, like, I like interviews, like, I like, like, first impressions, like, I like to, like, try to impress, so I'd be, like, excited to try to win the date. But then, like, obviously, I wasn't being myself.

• 22:23Andrew Santino?

  You were being a version of yourself.

• 22:25Speaker 06

  Yes, that would catch up to me.

• 22:26Andrew Santino?

  But then when you met your husband, you were all like, "I can be myself."

• 22:29Speaker 06

  Don't tell me what my life is and who I am.

• 22:32Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that true?

• 22:33Speaker 06

  The way you're speaking.

• 22:34Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that true?

• 22:37Speaker 00

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• 23:07Speaker 01

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• 24:07Andrew Santino?

  You met him and you thought, "I can be myself for the first time."

• 24:10Speaker 06

  No, I actually met my husband and I was fully trying to be like really cool. And then I got on a reality TV show and it was going really bad. And I couldn't help but like be the like most amplified side of myself. Like imagine yourself in like the worst drama you've ever had in your life.

• 24:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 06

  That was the first Hannah he met. Like I haven't fought with a friend since and that's all he dealt with that summer.

• 24:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, what a bummer.

• 24:36Speaker 06

  But I feel like it's almost like if he survived that.

• 24:40Andrew Santino?

  He can survive anything.

• 24:42Speaker 06

  He can survive anything.

• 24:44Andrew Santino?

  This is real love.

• 24:45Speaker 06

  But also I feel like if you're gonna be intent to do it while the pheromones are still like.

• 24:51Andrew Santino?

  Hot and heavy, yeah, they're flying.

• 24:52Speaker 06

  Yes, cuz he's, he missed all of it. He was missing every red flag.

• 24:55Andrew Santino?

  It's gone.

• 24:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's already too deep.

• 24:57Speaker 06

  He's way too deep.

• 24:58Andrew Santino?

  But who cares, man? Just get old, have fun, die together.

• 25:02Speaker 06

  Period.

• 25:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, he'll die first. Men always die first. Is that exciting for women?

• 25:08Speaker 06

  We can't wait.

• 25:09Andrew Santino?

  Men die first and then you're free again.

• 25:10Speaker 06

  We can't wait. Why do you think men die first? Cuz you hold, you hold it in?

• 25:15Andrew Santino?

  Stress, pressure, sadness, unable to really emote.

• 25:20Speaker 07

  They're usually older.

• 25:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, we're usually older.

• 25:22Speaker 06

  Oh, you mean in the relationship? I mean, in general, men are older than women.

• 25:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're just old, and always.

• 25:27Speaker 06

  They get born older.

• 25:27Andrew Santino?

  We've never not, how old are you? I'm older than you. We're all older than you. There is no man not older than you. Yeah, your husband's older than you.

• 25:35Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:36Andrew Santino?

  He's gonna die first.

• 25:37Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  We can only hope.

• 25:40Andrew Santino?

  That's awful. Did you do a will, have you done a will?

• 25:42Speaker 06

  No.

• 25:43Andrew Santino?

  You will. You will.

• 25:45Speaker 06

  Will.

• 25:45Andrew Santino?

  Wait, it sucks, it's the worst.

• 25:47Speaker 06

  If I die first, it'll be so dramatic and like my character, though.

• 25:50Andrew Santino?

  The way you die?

• 25:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, cuz it would have to be like.

• 25:53Andrew Santino?

  So bold.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  Accidental.

• 25:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 25:56Speaker 06

  Or not.

• 25:58Andrew Santino?

  Ooh. Then you really get on a movie.

• 26:01Speaker 06

  It gets dark in these hotel rooms sometimes.

• 26:02Andrew Santino?

  What happened to Anna Burna?

• 26:05Speaker 06

  She was supposed to watch your husband die.

• 26:08Andrew Santino?

  Do you like those? The, uh.

• 26:10Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 26:11Andrew Santino?

  The mystery, murder mystery.

• 26:12Speaker 06

  The only things, I like, I like cults, I like murder. I don't watch like scripted TV, I don't watch reality TV, I watch things that make me feel better about my day.

• 26:22Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so people doing, people being awful makes you go, I'm great.

• 26:26Speaker 06

  Cause I'm hard on myself, so I'll be like, why'd you say that to that person? Like, are you fucking stupid? And they'll be like, I'm gonna turn on someone who like murdered their whole family.

• 26:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 26:34Speaker 06

  That's the deal with it.

• 26:35Andrew Santino?

  I do like to watch them.

• 26:36Speaker 06

  It's called perspective.

• 26:37Andrew Santino?

  I like it. I don't watch scripted either, I don't, I don't watch any TV. When people are like, have you seen this? No.

• 26:42Speaker 06

  No.

• 26:42Andrew Santino?

  I watch a lot of documentary.

• 26:44Speaker 06

  I love documentary.

• 26:46Andrew Santino?

  Fucking, we came home hammered the other night, we watched, me and my, my friends and my wife, we watched, um, a whole thing about the Hindenburg. It's pretty powerful shit.

• 26:55Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 26:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we just, I, we were, we were on the learning channel.

• 26:57Speaker 06

  I, I do like that.

• 26:59Andrew Santino?

  I like watching history stuff and figuring it out.

• 27:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:03Andrew Santino?

  The Hindenburg was crazy, it was a Nazi propaganda blimp. But it was a tourist blimp. Like, imagine you getting on American Airlines, and outside of it, it also has like a swastika on it, and you're like, geez, I just, I'm trying to go overseas right now.

• 27:15Speaker 06

  It is crazy to think about, like, at the time, that was just their normal. And no one was questioning it.

• 27:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, they were questioning it, but they were like, what do you want to go to Jersey or not? Like, I do wanna go to Jersey. Wild sun, getting the blimp. It's crazy.

• 27:30Speaker 06

  That was good.

• 27:30Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty crazy to think that's what they did. It's actually, the, the wild shit is, it took forever to fly these fucking blimps over the Atlantic because of the winds. So it took forever, and then it crashed when it got here. The, the worst part, you, you wish it would crash halfway through the voyage.

• 27:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:46Andrew Santino?

  You don't wanna go through four or five days in the air, and then it crashes as you're fucking landing? What a nightmare.

• 27:52Speaker 06

  I was talking to my friend about coming on this pod, and we were like,

• 27:55Andrew Santino?

  Whom? Do I know?

• 27:57Speaker 06

  No.

• 27:58Andrew Santino?

  Nobody in the biz?

• 27:59Speaker 06

  No.

• 27:59Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 28:00Speaker 06

  And I just was like, I, I, this is my favorite boy pod, I love going on this boy pod. And I'm like, but I don't know what it talks about, what do boys talk about? And I'm like, they love talking about war. And it took you like 20 minutes, and now you're like,

• 28:10Andrew Santino?

  20? I think we're six minutes in.

• 28:11Speaker 06

  Six minutes, and I was like, he's talking about war.

• 28:14Andrew Santino?

  Pre-war.

• 28:15Speaker 06

  I'm, the pre-war, I'm so bad at war talk, like, I can keep up with guys with sports, with just, you know, shooting the shit, roasting each other. War is where you lose me.

• 28:24Andrew Santino?

  You don't like war.

• 28:26Speaker 06

  I don't know if it's,

• 28:29Speaker 06

  I love war. No, I just, I'm really bad at history.

• 28:33Andrew Santino?

  Ah, see, I don't think I like history. War, yes, but I like history a lot.

• 28:37Speaker 06

  Men love history.

• 28:39Andrew Santino?

  It's interesting.

• 28:39Speaker 06

  You just bring, you're like, I went to the Ryder Cup and I had to like interview the people in the stands who were fucking crazy. And I just started asking them about like the War of 1812 and they got so happy.

• 28:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they love that shit.

• 28:51Speaker 06

  They got jacked up.

• 28:52Andrew Santino?

  How fun was the Ryder Cup?

• 28:54Speaker 06

  It was crazy because I had to get there at 5 a.m. because the tee off, we did like this live thing with.

• 29:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like a live broadcast?

• 29:01Speaker 06

  Yes, so you, it would be pitch black and the place was crowded and people are chanting and it's 5 a.m. But it feels like it's like 2 a.m. at a club.

• 29:10Andrew Santino?

  That's awesome.

• 29:11Speaker 06

  And it was just like chanting USA.

• 29:14Andrew Santino?

  USA versus Europe. For people that don't know, the Ryder Cup in golf is a glorious moment where USA battles.

• 29:19Speaker 06

  I was asking them if Spain is in Europe. I was like trying to get.

• 29:22Andrew Santino?

  Spain is in Europe, yeah. Do you not know where Europe is?

• 29:25Speaker 06

  No, but there were some men who didn't. There were some guys, some of them Americans, they were having fun.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  It's over there. Where is it? It's fucking over there. Who cares?

• 29:34Speaker 06

  And then there's the British who were just like, ole, they love, they fucking make everything into a song.

• 29:39Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead.

• 29:39Speaker 06

  You guys love singing.

• 29:40Andrew Santino?

  Ole, ole, ole, ole. See? Ole.

• 29:43Speaker 06

  And they hit it every time. They never lose a note.

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  And they, and then they interject quotes or phrases about players.

• 29:50Speaker 06

  Yes, everyone has a little ding dong song.

• 29:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they all have ding dong weirdos. But they do that. Europe does that. We don't do that.

• 29:56Speaker 06

  How do you all know the songs? Or do you like kind of make improv?

• 30:00Andrew Santino?

  You learn them as you go.

• 30:01Speaker 06

  Oh, and then you start repeating it?

• 30:03Andrew Santino?

  You just improvise.

• 30:04Speaker 06

  See, we're not creative like that in America. We literally just were going USA the whole time. I was like, guys, you're fucking embarrassing.

• 30:09Andrew Santino?

  Three best letters in the world, dude.

• 30:13Andrew Santino?

  We were making him say that when we were in London. Remember that? I was making you go.

• 30:16Speaker 06

  You, us, hey, you.

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  It's the best, dude. It just pisses people off. They're like, what the fuck are they doing? Ryder Cup, big. Ryder Cup huge. Golf event now? Are you a golf girly now?

• 30:27Speaker 06

  I've been a golf girly.

• 30:28Andrew Santino?

  Now you really like it. After the Ryder Cup.

• 30:30Speaker 06

  Back in my day, I had a 15 handicap.

• 30:33Andrew Santino?

  Let's play. I'm gonna smoke your ass, dude.

• 30:35Speaker 06

  Are you not doing your show anymore? What happened?

• 30:37Andrew Santino?

  No, I had to take some time down.

• 30:39Speaker 06

  It was too much?

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  It was heavy. It was a lot of travel. We traveled like crazy. I went to Europe three times.

• 30:44Speaker 06

  Meeting people at their course?

• 30:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we went out. I went to Spain and London and all over the States and then we toured and went to London, then we went to Australia.

• 30:54Speaker 06

  And golf is not a, like, hour tennis hit. Like, it could be like...

• 30:59Andrew Santino?

  It's a four-hour game.

• 31:00Speaker 06

  A hole 11? I wish it would end there.

• 31:03Andrew Santino?

  Many people say this. My mom, my mom says 12 holes is perfect.

• 31:07Speaker 06

  Perfect.

• 31:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:09Speaker 06

  Because you know you start... Mentally, I get bored.

• 31:13Andrew Santino?

  You get over it.

• 31:13Speaker 06

  Especially if you're not at the score you want to be.

• 31:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Speaker 06

  Then you just gotta sit with yourself. I mean, it's life. Sometimes you're not where you want to be.

• 31:21Andrew Santino?

  That's right. Golf is life.

• 31:22Speaker 06

  You love when it gets inspirational. You love some heart in the pod.

• 31:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, I think heart, I think heart has to underlie, has to be beneath everything for it to be good. Even when it's mean, it has to be heart. Yeah?

• 31:34Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 31:36Andrew Santino?

  Like, look at this. You look awful today.

• 31:38Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  But that's, see? Could you tell? There's heart underneath. It's not real.

• 31:43Speaker 06

  It's not about what you say, it's how you make people feel.

• 31:44Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 31:45Speaker 06

  Would you ever do a roast? Like, one of these roasts?

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  Fucking no chance. Fucking no way. Why? I don't get, I don't, I never liked the roasts. Like, I thought they were fun, I guess, but I, it's not for me. I don't know.

• 32:00Speaker 06

  Well, some people, their whole life is roast comedy and that's like...

• 32:03Andrew Santino?

  Sure. Some people are roasters, some people are, some people do only crowd work, some people only do one-liners. Like, some people are so good at those things. I don't, because I know if I said something, people will be like, "Ooh, he means it." I don't have the... Like, you kind of gotta have like a very like cheery, "I'm just kidding." Personality to roast. I can't, I, I, I'm just not good at it. I don't wanna, I don't wanna do it. And also, I think if there's no heart beneath it, like if you really don't, if I didn't really know somebody,

• 32:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:33Andrew Santino?

  Then it would just sound mean.

• 32:34Speaker 06

  Yeah. I've like judged roast battles at like New York Comedy Club.

• 32:38Andrew Santino?

  It's hard.

• 32:39Speaker 06

  It's like 2am, open micers just fucking ripping into each other.

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  And they know all the dark secrets about the other, yeah, it's weird.

• 32:46Speaker 06

  You guys don't even have Wikipedias. How did you figure that out?

• 32:48Andrew Santino?

  Well, they tell them all the, they like give, they elicit, they're like, remember my dad died? And they're like, I'm gonna talk about that tomorrow.

• 32:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:54Andrew Santino?

  No, thank you. I can't, I, it's not for me. I, like, good for the people that love it, but I can't, no.

• 32:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a certain like muscle that they.

• 33:01Andrew Santino?

  I don't really like working out that muscle.

• 33:03Speaker 06

  Oh, I was thinking of Back to Golf.

• 33:05Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, give me golf.

• 33:06Speaker 06

  Paige Sporanic reached out to me to play.

• 33:09Andrew Santino?

  I'm playing with her tomorrow. Her two days.

• 33:12Speaker 06

  Well, slut is out here playing with everyone.

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  See, I'm playing with her in two days.

• 33:15Speaker 06

  Tell her I say hi.

• 33:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 06

  We're gonna play in the Hamptons this summer.

• 33:18Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 33:19Speaker 06

  So.

• 33:19Andrew Santino?

  When in the summer?

• 33:20Speaker 06

  In July.

• 33:21Andrew Santino?

  I'll.

• 33:23Speaker 06

  You're not invited.

• 33:24Andrew Santino?

  Okay. Well, I'm gonna be out in the Hamptons for the US Open for Shinnecock, is.

• 33:28Speaker 06

  So am I.

• 33:29Andrew Santino?

  Okay, I'll see you there.

• 33:29Speaker 06

  I'll see you there.

• 33:30Andrew Santino?

  I'll see you there. Maybe we'll play. Why don't we go play?

• 33:32Speaker 06

  Let's play.

• 33:33Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you come play with me and Paige in two days? Come play with us.

• 33:36Speaker 06

  I'm gonna be in New York.

• 33:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're leaving in two days?

• 33:38Speaker 06

  Yeah. This is my last podcast.

• 33:41Andrew Santino?

  This is it. You go back to New York and you settle in for your brand new special on Hulu that's releasing on Friday.

• 33:46Speaker 06

  Thank you. Boys, you're gonna fucking love it.

• 33:50Andrew Santino?

  You don't like, you don't want any of the boy fans? Is that what you're trying to say?

• 33:53Speaker 06

  No, I do.

• 33:53Speaker 07

  War?

• 33:54Andrew Santino?

  It's about war.

• 33:55Speaker 06

  I have, what, I did have a gun joke on my first special.

• 33:58Andrew Santino?

  God bless. We love guns.

• 33:59Speaker 06

  This one, I, what's my like?

• 34:03Andrew Santino?

  It's strictly business. Isn't that what it's called?

• 34:04Speaker 06

  No.

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  None of your business.

• 34:06Speaker 06

  None of my business.

• 34:06Andrew Santino?

  None of my business. Who's business?

• 34:09Speaker 06

  Who knows at this point?

• 34:10Andrew Santino?

  You wrote, "None of my business" is the title.

• 34:13Speaker 06

  You think of titles at the end or the beginning?

• 34:16Andrew Santino?

  The title, "My title was given to me."

• 34:21Speaker 06

  They ghost write?

• 34:22Andrew Santino?

  It was given to me. A friend of-

• 34:25Speaker 06

  By whom?

• 34:25Andrew Santino?

  A friend of mine saw the special when I redid, when I practiced the hour.

• 34:32Speaker 06

  That actually works because you're so deep in the material.

• 34:35Andrew Santino?

  How do you not know the name of this? And I was like, I don't know. And she was like, it's white noise because I do a joke about white noise.

• 34:41Speaker 06

  So good.

• 34:42Andrew Santino?

  And she was like, just name it white noise.

• 34:43Speaker 06

  Such a good title.

• 34:44Andrew Santino?

  How did I not?

• 34:46Speaker 06

  What, how'd you get the cheeseburger one?

• 34:49Andrew Santino?

  Cheeseburger? Cheeseburger? That's how he says it. Cheeseburger?

• 34:55Speaker 07

  Cheeseburger.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  Cheeseburger.

• 34:56Speaker 06

  Cheeseburger.

• 34:57Andrew Santino?

  Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger was based on a mental breakdown that I had.

• 35:01Speaker 06

  Who, who?

• 35:01Andrew Santino?

  A conversation I had with my wife. I was having an existential crisis and a mental breakdown. And I, I literally did say, I was like frustrated with some, I was like, I just want to be a fucking cheeseburger. I just want you to like, because I love cheeseburgers.

• 35:14Speaker 06

  I love cheeseburgers.

• 35:14Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, I just want you to like me.

• 35:16Speaker 06

  That's my last meal.

• 35:16Andrew Santino?

  Cheeseburger? I was like, I just want you to like me.

• 35:19Speaker 06

  The cheeseburger?

• 35:20Andrew Santino?

  Enjoy me now and that's it. Just enjoy me. Stop overthinking it. Just eat me up. Just eat me up, man. It's not that deep. Just eat me up and enjoy me.

• 35:28Speaker 06

  Are you crying right now?

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  For all the listeners, I'm definitely not crying. Cheeseburger, last meal?

• 35:35Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 35:36Andrew Santino?

  Cheeseburger and a Coke?

• 35:38Speaker 06

  No.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  Dr. Pepper?

• 35:40Speaker 06

  I actually fuck with Dr. Pepper.

• 35:41Andrew Santino?

  It's the best.

• 35:42Speaker 06

  It's the only soda I really like.

• 35:43Andrew Santino?

  It's the best.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  Dabble with. And I kind of like that it's underrated. Like, he's an underdog.

• 35:48Andrew Santino?

  He is.

• 35:49Speaker 06

  Or she's an underdog.

• 35:50Andrew Santino?

  They are an underdog.

• 35:51Speaker 06

  They. Doctors can be anything nowadays in 2020.

• 35:54Andrew Santino?

  They can, can't they? Thank God. Thank-

• 35:57Speaker 06

  It could be, it could be a they pop pepper.

• 35:59Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, they pepper, Dr. They pepper. Dr. Them pepper. We're for everyone. Although I had a Mr. Pibb the other day at the Dodger game. Because my wife was like, can you get me just a soda? I was like, oh, what do you want? She's like, Dr. Pepper. And they didn't have it, so I said, I'll have Pibb. And I brought it back to the seat and she sipped it and-

• 36:16Speaker 06

  She spit it at you?

• 36:17Andrew Santino?

  She's, no, she's so funny. She literally goes, this has no flavor. She's like, this tastes like nothing. And I tasted it. I was like, it does kind of taste like vague soda. Like spicy soda.

• 36:25Speaker 06

  An idea of soda.

• 36:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Mr. Pibb. He didn't get his doctorate. That's why he can't fuck with Dr. Pepper.

• 36:29Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, he's no Dr. Pepper. But yeah, people don't talk about doctor, the way everyone's like, they cook and look, I, I get the lore.

• 36:35Andrew Santino?

  I do love a DC.

• 36:36Speaker 06

  But a diet Dr. Pepper, it hits.

• 36:39Andrew Santino?

  It hits hard. But I've started drinking, I go with the Europeans. I drink Coke Zero now.

• 36:45Andrew Santino?

  They like Coke Zero, they don't, it's so funny. Coke no sugar. When you go to Europe, anywhere you go, can I have a Diet Coke?

• 36:50Speaker 06

  He's so proud of you, he's like,

• 36:51Andrew Santino?

  He knows.

• 36:52Speaker 06

  I taught him that.

• 36:53Andrew Santino?

  It is true. When you go to Europe, you go, can I have a Diet Coke?

• 36:56Speaker 06

  And they go, go fuck yourself.

• 36:57Andrew Santino?

  And they go, Diet, we have Coke no sugar, do you want Coke Zero?

• 37:02Speaker 06

  What accent is that?

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  Non-descript. Non-descript, it's anyone, it's Europe. It can be everywhere.

• 37:09Speaker 06

  Europa.

• 37:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because Europe, you go to any country in Europe and someone, you'll meet someone in Spain who's from Croatia. And they live there now.

• 37:17Speaker 06

  We got it, you traveled, we get it.

• 37:19Andrew Santino?

  I do, you wanna see my passport? I miss when they used to stamp the fucking passports.

• 37:23Speaker 06

  Do they not do that anymore?

• 37:24Andrew Santino?

  Not really, not like they used to. Some countries still do. Sometimes they just throw it to you, they're like, oh, you're good, get out of here.

• 37:29Speaker 06

  And you're like, I came for a stamp.

• 37:30Andrew Santino?

  I love the stamp, my old book was filled with stamps.

• 37:33Speaker 06

  I got my, a bag stolen that had my like passport.

• 37:37Andrew Santino?

  Stolen?

• 37:38Speaker 06

  When I was little, that had it all in my journal.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  From where?

• 37:41Speaker 06

  I don't connect, I don't connect to materialistic things anymore. This is so random, but I was at a tennis tournament in St. Lucia.

• 37:49Speaker 06

  I took my bag, took my passport. I was stuck in St. Lucia, it was beautiful.

• 37:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what a great place to get stuck.

• 37:55Speaker 06

  I was like, oh, fresh bananas.

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  Wait, did you go to the embassy to go get a new passport?

• 37:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:59Andrew Santino?

  What a nightmare that is.

• 38:00Speaker 06

  Well, I like knew a guy.

• 38:02Andrew Santino?

  Okay. They always know a guy.

• 38:05Speaker 06

  I knew a guy.

• 38:06Andrew Santino?

  What, you knew, you knew like a consulate?

• 38:08Speaker 06

  So I, like, one of my tennis friends was like related to someone. And he was like, actually, this is not interesting at all, but he was like, I know the guys who took your, who stole your stuff and I got them to, I think they gave the passport back or something.

• 38:23Andrew Santino?

  Shut up.

• 38:24Speaker 06

  Something happened where they were like, we're not giving you anything else back, but like we could find like,

• 38:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, keep my shit, just give me my passport.

• 38:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:30Andrew Santino?

  I don't care about my shit.

• 38:31Speaker 06

  Take the computer.

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  It's just lip gloss. Keep my lip gloss and my eyeliner and let me fucking have my passport back. You can tell I've gotten my purse stolen overseas. I do not like it.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  I love how you called it a purse.

• 38:42Andrew Santino?

  I have a purse. My wife got her phone stolen day one in London, remember that?

• 38:47Speaker 06

  But was it kind of refreshing for her?

• 38:49Andrew Santino?

  No, she was livid.

• 38:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay.

• 38:50Andrew Santino?

  Fucking livid.

• 38:51Speaker 06

  I was trying to see the bright side of it.

• 38:52Andrew Santino?

  No, it was really annoying.

• 38:53Speaker 06

  She's like, maybe we can be free. Cause yeah, if you lose her, she's trafficked.

• 38:56Andrew Santino?

  No, the problem-

• 38:57Speaker 06

  That's how drugs-

• 38:58Andrew Santino?

  That's how it starts. Well, the problem is you trace it, you can see it.

• 39:02Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 39:03Andrew Santino?

  You see where it is.

• 39:04Speaker 06

  It was on a like boat in Venice?

• 39:06Andrew Santino?

  We should go over there. No, it went to the Middle East. Within like a day, it was in the Middle East. And they, they, they told me they, they sell them for parts. So they don't like sell a phone.

• 39:14Speaker 06

  Are you talking about people or?

• 39:16Andrew Santino?

  Like crime syndicates that steal phones. There's like groups of people that steal phones in London. And they're fucking good.

• 39:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:22Andrew Santino?

  I went to the Apple Store and I was like, hey, we need a new phone. That was, remember this? We had to have Carlos buy my wife a phone here to bring it to Europe because you couldn't activate her cell service from the United States. There, they wouldn't let us do it. Verizon was like, couldn't do it. Shout out Verizon. Stinks. It was so annoying dude, I was like, what do you mean? Can't we just buy a phone here and you can, and they're like, no, you can't because it has to be activated in the States.

• 39:45Speaker 06

  So she got swiped? Like she was just going about her day?

• 39:48Andrew Santino?

  Dude, we were sitting having lunch at a pub and like in America, we put our phones on tables. It's just norm- you don't even think about it. No, there was people at the table, we were talking as a huge, it was like a community table. We were talking to strangers, having a great afternoon, evening, early evening. And a guy came in, you know, selling flowers and he had put shit on the table and pulled it with the phone. We weren't really paying attention. We were fools, we're tourist fools. But I asked the Apple guy, I said, how many times does this happen? He's like, oh, die. People come in, oh, die. I'm like, well, change the laws, man.

• 40:20Speaker 06

  Well, he's behind it.

• 40:22Andrew Santino?

  I think they are. Apple is behind it.

• 40:24Speaker 06

  It was him.

• 40:24Andrew Santino?

  I know what you're up to, Steve Jobs. From beyond the grab.

• 40:29Speaker 06

  So what'd you do for the rest of the vacation? Deal with that?

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, these guys were coming to see us and so we had Carlos, one of the guys that works with us, buy a phone here and take it with. Yeah, it was kind of tight. Thank God for that. It was kind of like a random-

• 40:41Speaker 06

  Men in STEM, let's go.

• 40:43Andrew Santino?

  But also then she was fine. She had her, you know, she iPad and all the-

• 40:47Speaker 06

  She had all of her little tchotchkes, yeah.

• 40:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, you, cause if you don't have your phone, you're like, they're always like, do you have your computer? Like, I don't. They're like, do you have an iPad? Like, I don't. They're like, do you have any other things connected? Your Apple? And you're like, oh god, I don't fucking have it.

• 40:57Speaker 06

  I actually never got an iPad.

• 41:00Andrew Santino?

  God, let's get you one. You want me to get you one? I'll buy you one.

• 41:02Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 41:03Andrew Santino?

  For your special.

• 41:04Speaker 06

  Be an iPad kid?

• 41:04Andrew Santino?

  For your brand new special. None of my business that's out right now on Hulu. I will buy you an iPad. How many gigs though? I'm not getting you a big gig one.

• 41:12Speaker 06

  Wait, but what is the point of the iPad? It's just if you're not in the mood for the phone or the computer, you could be on an iPad. It's a good. You're like, I want to take a big break from my phone to be on my iPad.

• 41:21Andrew Santino?

  iPad's kind of like, what?

• 41:23Speaker 06

  Is it for reading?

• 41:24Andrew Santino?

  I like it for movies on planes. Cause you can download movies on planes.

• 41:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:28Andrew Santino?

  I do like, that's, that's, iPads are prob-

• 41:30Speaker 06

  I'm such a loser in watching on my phone.

• 41:33Andrew Santino?

  I can't do the phone. Too tiny. I don't like it.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:35Andrew Santino?

  I like the iPad on a plane. I got the big fuck off iPad.

• 41:38Speaker 06

  So you download a lot of movies before you fly?

• 41:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and I watch, um, a quarter of all of them and fall asleep. I fall asleep immediately. I'll watch, literally, I'll watch 20 minutes of a film, pass out, wake up, be like, fuck. And then I'll start a new one, pass out, wake, it happens every time. I've watched-

• 41:52Speaker 06

  You know the beginning of every movie.

• 41:53Andrew Santino?

  Every movie. Whenever the, the title cards come up, I'm, I know every scene for the next 18 minutes and then I'm out.

• 42:00Speaker 06

  You just hear the voices. That's the best sleep.

• 42:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 42:02Speaker 06

  Just slowly hearing like a couple fight and I just-

• 42:06Andrew Santino?

  Then pass out?

• 42:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:07Andrew Santino?

  Are you a bit, do you have a glass or something on a plane before you fall asleep?

• 42:10Speaker 06

  No, I'm an incredible sleeper.

• 42:13Andrew Santino?

  You won't take like a Xanax or something like that?

• 42:15Speaker 06

  No, like I always get the window seat, put my head to the side, I'm out. I think that's how I survive in comedy. Like, if I couldn't sleep on flights, I don't think I, you could tour 70 cities.

• 42:27Andrew Santino?

  That's true. Can you just sleep in a chair? Can you sit in a chair and just sleep?

• 42:30Speaker 06

  I would sleep on the subway. Like, I just put my head down and I like know when my stop is. It's kind of my, it's my special thing.

• 42:37Andrew Santino?

  It's your superpower?

• 42:38Speaker 06

  My superpower.

• 42:38Andrew Santino?

  You don't take the subway anymore?

• 42:40Speaker 06

  No, I do.

• 42:41Andrew Santino?

  I'm never catching, and I'm, you're, you're lying. And you know what? I know you don't.

• 42:45Speaker 06

  Not as often as I used to.

• 42:46Andrew Santino?

  You don't take the subway?

• 42:47Speaker 06

  The subway's faster than a car sometimes.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  Subway? Liar. Go ahead, lie to me.

• 42:52Speaker 06

  When I go to Midtown. And I live in the Lower East Side to podcast sometimes.

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, people have pod studios up there?

• 42:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, and it's-

• 42:59Andrew Santino?

  And also, people that don't know, Hannah's actually, she's underneath the Elmo costume in, uh, Times Square. That's her-

• 43:04Speaker 06

  It's hot.

• 43:05Andrew Santino?

  It is, dude. You gotta get a fan in there. You go to Midtown, you pod, you'll take a train. I guess, okay, that's fine, but you're lying. I know you're lying, you take a car.

• 43:13Speaker 06

  You know, I took, I took the subway every day to go to high school.

• 43:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when you were young.

• 43:17Speaker 06

  It makes me cool.

• 43:18Andrew Santino?

  But now you're an old lady.

• 43:19Speaker 06

  People respect me because of that. Yeah, and old ladies need to take the subway. They let me sit down because I'm old.

• 43:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're like, ma'am?

• 43:25Speaker 06

  I'm just bloated. They're like, ma'am.

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  Ma'am, you shouldn't be standing.

• 43:29Speaker 06

  Once I thought I was gonna get robbed on the subway and I was holding like a bag of clothes. And I put it in my coat to pretend I was pregnant because I was like, would people rob a pregnant lady? And it worked. And I was also 16.

• 43:46Andrew Santino?

  16 and pregnant on the subway, a new show coming this fall.

• 43:49Speaker 06

  Because I had my big winter coat, so I was just like standing there. I was like, you're fucking genius.

• 43:54Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever lied and said, I'm pregnant, to like skip a line or get into a thing or do a thing?

• 44:00Speaker 06

  No, why haven't I thought of that?

• 44:02Andrew Santino?

  Well, I mean, you did it there, kind of, right? You pretended to be pregnant so people would leave you alone.

• 44:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:06Andrew Santino?

  We were in, um,

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  Palace of Versailles. We stood on the rain for three hours to get into that fucking dump. It was pouring down rain and there's no bathrooms and these long, long lines. And my wife had to piss so bad and she was like, I can't, like, I don't know what to do. And I was like, just run up there. The lines were forever. So just run up there and beg them and be like, I, please, please, please. And she goes in last, like last second as she got up there. She was like, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. And they were like, go ahead, go ahead. And she was like, I felt so bad for lying, but she's like, I was gonna piss my pants. Right, right there in the line. I was like, it's a good move.

• 44:42Speaker 06

  I feel like-

• 44:42Andrew Santino?

  And no one's gonna question, no one's gonna be like, oh, are you pregnant?

• 44:45Speaker 06

  Period stuff, you get away with stuff.

• 44:47Andrew Santino?

  If you go period, period, period, yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 06

  I got period stuff going on.

• 44:49Andrew Santino?

  Girls will be like, go, go, go, go, go.

• 44:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, men will be like, do anything, get away from me.

• 44:55Andrew Santino?

  Some men are like, give it to me.

• 44:58Speaker 06

  No, I just throw a tampon at someone and they'll let me.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:00Speaker 06

  But yeah, when you're younger, I know friends would be like, just say you're under period.

• 45:05Andrew Santino?

  Skip the line.

• 45:05Speaker 06

  But like- 25% of the time, we are on our period.

• 45:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:10Speaker 06

  Like, it's a fucking high chance.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a very high chance that you're on it. Or it's coming, or it just left.

• 45:15Speaker 06

  I just ended mine.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah?

• 45:16Speaker 06

  So I think that means I'm-

• 45:17Andrew Santino?

  How did it go? Was it a good ending?

• 45:19Speaker 06

  Do you want to know? Heavy the first day.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  Hell, yeah.

• 45:23Speaker 06

  And then, super light.

• 45:24Andrew Santino?

  Very chill.

• 45:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  Do you name it? Like, what was that?

• 45:28Speaker 06

  No, I just-

• 45:29Andrew Santino?

  Give it a name. Like how they do hurricanes.

• 45:33Speaker 06

  So I detach it from myself. I'm like, she's not me.

• 45:35Andrew Santino?

  She's not me.

• 45:36Speaker 06

  She's Delilah.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  That's- oh, this was a Delilah this time.

• 45:39Speaker 06

  Delilah.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  You should name it depending on the flow, the heaviness of the flow that dictates the name of the flow.

• 45:44Speaker 06

  But it's crazy, like, depending, people- I talked about this before? Guys are apparently betting on the WNBA based on women's cycles.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 45:53Speaker 06

  Because there's a certain part of your cycle where your, like, top performance, like, you are just epic. Like, you feel like a superhero.

• 46:00Andrew Santino?

  Athletic peak when you're on-

• 46:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, you have energy, your brain is, like, on it.

• 46:04Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 46:04Speaker 06

  It's just part of the cycle, so-

• 46:06Andrew Santino?

  I'm definitely going to use this, I'm not going to lie.

• 46:09Speaker 06

  Do you bet on WNBA games?

• 46:10Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 46:15Andrew Santino?

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• 47:01Andrew Santino?

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• 47:35Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, I'm rocking my rays, my shady rays. How are these basically the same quality as $200 sunglasses that I used to buy? Why was I overpaying all that time? I wear my shady rays everywhere, on the golf course, down by the water, down at the beach, if I got enough sunscreen on, huh? At the game, wherever, whenever. One time I wore sunglasses to a game, I left them at my seat, came back after I got some popcorn, and they were gone. And guess what? They used to be a big problem, not anymore. Now, you lose them, you break them, you knock them in the water, you leave them at the game, you loan them to a friend on a day when you're out, and they keep them. Lost or broken, Shady Rays is gonna send you a new pair with their lost and broken protection, and they're actually premium polarized lenses, they cut out the glare, they're great. If you're outside, you're on the water, at the game, in the sun, driving, being a cool, chill person, huh?

• 48:20Andrew Santino?

  If you're out there and you want some good protection for your old eyeballs, and you want lost and broken protection for these things, they'll send you some new ones. Get shades that actually perform. Go to shadyrays.com and grab yourself a pair today, and we've teamed up with Shady Rays to bring you an exclusive offer. Head to shadyrays.com and use the code GINGER, that's me, for 50% off two or more pairs of polarized shades. 50% off two or more pairs of polarized shades. Try for yourself, the shades rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Shadyrays.com, use that code, GINGER.

• 48:52Speaker 06

  Ginger, I like gingers. You called me when I was in Oklahoma.

• 48:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:58Speaker 06

  At a casino.

• 48:59Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 48:59Speaker 06

  That was a dark moment for me, really added some light to my day.

• 49:02Andrew Santino?

  Wait, why, why was it so bad?

• 49:04Speaker 06

  No, just...

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  You were just not enjoying the moment?

• 49:05Speaker 06

  It was one of those, I think it was like the third CD in three days.

• 49:09Andrew Santino?

  Tired.

• 49:09Speaker 06

  There was nowhere near the casino, I don't, no, I don't do betting stuff.

• 49:14Andrew Santino?

  You don't gamble at all?

• 49:15Speaker 06

  No.

• 49:15Andrew Santino?

  No dice, no cards, no machines, no nothing?

• 49:18Speaker 06

  No.

• 49:19Andrew Santino?

  No, what tickles your fancy, then? What's your little risky?

• 49:22Speaker 06

  Cheeseburgers.

• 49:23Andrew Santino?

  Hell, yeah. That's your risky shit.

• 49:25Speaker 06

  That's me partying.

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  What's your, what's your latest, like, what's the latest, uh, bad girl meal you had?

• 49:33Speaker 06

  Oh, bad girl meal?

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, where you're like, I'm...

• 49:35Speaker 06

  I'm bad girl all day, baby.

• 49:37Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not.

• 49:37Speaker 06

  All day, baby.

• 49:38Andrew Santino?

  You're a good girl.

• 49:39Speaker 06

  I had pancakes this morning. The night before, I had enchiladas.

• 49:42Andrew Santino?

  Love.

• 49:43Speaker 06

  I don't give a fuck.

• 49:44Andrew Santino?

  You do give a fuck.

• 49:45Speaker 06

  I don't give a fuck, also, because when it's your period, it kind of goes right through you.

• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, hell, yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 06

  Hell, yeah.

• 49:51Andrew Santino?

  So God just takes care of it. He's like, "Look, you're bleeding, I got you. Have a couple pancakes."

• 49:55Speaker 06

  It's a natural laxative.

• 49:56Andrew Santino?

  All right, pancakes or griddle cakes?

• 50:01Speaker 06

  Is that like a Midwest thing, griddle cakes?

• 50:02Andrew Santino?

  Nah, I'm about to blow your mind, dude. I wish you stayed longer, I'd take you for breakfast tomorrow.

• 50:06Speaker 06

  Is that like a fried?

• 50:08Andrew Santino?

  It's oatmeal, but it's oat-based.

• 50:10Speaker 06

  Oh, oh.

• 50:11Andrew Santino?

  Grittle cakes? They're so fucking good.

• 50:13Speaker 06

  I like that.

• 50:13Andrew Santino?

  There's a place that does griddle cakes. I, what time do you, what time you're working in the morning tomorrow?

• 50:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:18Andrew Santino?

  It's my only meal that I care about.

• 50:19Speaker 06

  I'm trying to remember six lines, it's gonna be the end of me.

• 50:22Andrew Santino?

  We should have breakfast, I would love to have breakfast with you, cuz I'm a bit, that's the only meal I care about. Dinners are bullshit, lunches are phony.

• 50:28Speaker 06

  I love breakfast. And you, and I know this, there's a theory that like women don't ever know what they wanna eat. That's not my game. I, I'll tell my friends what they're in the mood to eat.

• 50:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 06

  That's.

• 50:40Andrew Santino?

  You're like, I know what you want.

• 50:41Speaker 06

  You know, girls like, and you know, I'm like, we're getting Chinese, like, I, I crave like a pregnant person.

• 50:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:46Speaker 06

  I know exactly what I want, I know what sides I want, I know savory, sweet, I know the moment.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  Are you a dessert after every meal?

• 50:54Speaker 06

  I'm a savory girl all the way.

• 50:56Andrew Santino?

  Not a sweetie, not a sweetie girl.

• 50:58Speaker 06

  I never crave dessert, I'll have cake. I like a birthday.

• 51:03Speaker 06

  This is a random story.

• 51:04Andrew Santino?

  I don't like sweets, I'll have cake.

• 51:05Speaker 06

  But I do like some cake, just cake though, I don't want ice cream, fucking.

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  What kinda cake? Are we talking like a chocolate? Vanilla?

• 51:12Speaker 06

  Even a funfetti.

• 51:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, man. Vanilla sponge cake?

• 51:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:17Andrew Santino?

  Chocolate. See, I'm chocolate.

• 51:19Speaker 06

  That's like overcompensating.

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  No, it's why, no, no, no, we're two different people, I get invited to the cookouts, you don't.

• 51:26Andrew Santino?

  Cuz you like vanilla cake. That's a dead giveaway. Kids who like vanilla cake did not get invited to the cookout. As soon as, as soon as they see me in chocolate cake, they're like, oh, he alright, he alright. I fuck with that little redhead. Hey, Opie, that's what they used to call me. Opie.

• 51:42Speaker 06

  Opie.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  Opie Taylor from Andy Go- hey, Opie. What's up, man? You alright?

• 51:47Speaker 06

  Look at you thinking about back then when you was shit bred.

• 51:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, I go to basketball courts cuz I like, I wanted to play bad, it's all black heads and you're like, can I run? And like, who gonna let Opie run? I used to love that shit. You gonna let Opie run? And then once I, once I could see that I would actually was good, they'd be like, "Ooh, Obi-Caball? Okay, Obi, I'll see you, bro."

• 52:08Speaker 06

  I could see you as playing as like, the 12th man on a basketball team that comes in when there's like 50 seconds left and you fucking...

• 52:17Andrew Santino?

  Like I'm the handicap kid, I go in to the last fucking...

• 52:19Speaker 06

  When they put in the white kid at the end, I'm always like...

• 52:21Andrew Santino?

  Hell yeah. Hey, there's some white kids in the NBA that are doing okay right now. We got some, there's some, there's some, okay, the white kid in the NBA thing is like...

• 52:30Speaker 06

  JJ Reddick?

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  He's not in the NBA, he doesn't play anymore. Yeah, he doesn't play anymore.

• 52:34Speaker 06

  Jason Kidd, just kidding, he's black.

• 52:36Andrew Santino?

  Jason Kidd is black?

• 52:37Speaker 06

  He's black.

• 52:38Andrew Santino?

  Do you not know any other white people in the NBA?

• 52:39Speaker 06

  Um, Danilo Gallinari.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  Gallinari?

• 52:43Speaker 06

  Gallinari!

• 52:43Andrew Santino?

  But he's Italian, so it's almost not us.

• 52:45Speaker 06

  True, that's not us. Um...

• 52:46Andrew Santino?

  Alex Crusoe, shout out my boy AC. I love you.

• 52:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. What about, what is it? Kodak? Kozak? Kovak? Kovak? Kovak on the Knicks.

• 52:55Andrew Santino?

  Kovak, oh right. There you go.

• 52:57Speaker 06

  See, I found it.

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  Kodak, I'm like, Kozak, Kodak, Kodiak, Bears?

• 53:02Speaker 06

  Um...

• 53:02Andrew Santino?

  There's a good amount of whites in the NBA.

• 53:04Speaker 06

  David Lee. Porzingis.

• 53:07Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Porzingis, but any of the Eastern Europeans I can't.

• 53:09Speaker 06

  Men love this shit, just listing players. They love this shit. Look how excited he is.

• 53:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:13Speaker 06

  I saw two guys do this an entire plane ride, just naming players and where they went to college.

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  That's how we get, keep ourselves occupied.

• 53:20Speaker 06

  It's so funny.

• 53:21Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it's either that or...

• 53:22Speaker 06

  I actually was having fun there.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  It's either that or they hijacked the plane.

• 53:25Speaker 06

  That's the first fun I've had in years, actually. True.

• 53:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's either that or these two dudes are like, "We should crash this thing." "Let them name ballplayers."

• 53:30Speaker 06

  Us naming white basketball players?

• 53:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, what do girls go back and forth about?

• 53:35Speaker 06

  Feelings. People who are pissing them off.

• 53:40Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's actually what it is. Enemies. You guys talk more about enemies.

• 53:44Speaker 06

  I love talking about enemies.

• 53:46Andrew Santino?

  Enemies are a big thing with girls.

• 53:49Speaker 06

  Enemies sometimes are out to get people.

• 53:51Andrew Santino?

  How many enemies do you have right now?

• 53:52Speaker 06

  So I'm in my post-reality TV era, where, um, I'm not reacting or getting involved in any drama.

• 54:00Andrew Santino?

  Shut up, you lie. You're just avoid, you're trying to avoid it.

• 54:03Speaker 06

  I, I'm making decisions, like recently something happened where someone told me like crazy gossip, and, and I knew the person, like I could have told them the gossip, and I chose not to do it, and that was like, an insane healing moment.

• 54:17Andrew Santino?

  That's a big leap.

• 54:18Speaker 06

  Like, I just was like, "What if I just didn't torch this place on fire right now?"

• 54:23Andrew Santino?

  And you didn't.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  And I walked away. It did end up, there was drama, but I wasn't the beginning of it.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  You're like, I had to step in at some point.

• 54:31Speaker 06

  There was a point when I had to.

• 54:32Andrew Santino?

  I couldn't let this go. I was, I did, I eventually did fan the flames.

• 54:37Speaker 06

  Actually, it was about me.

• 54:39Andrew Santino?

  See, guys don't do, guys don't wanna, we usually see that stuff, we're like, nope, I don't wanna fucking, I don't wanna deal with it.

• 54:45Speaker 06

  Something happens and then every girl has an opinion on it. No, the truth is, we take ourselves down. We truly take ourselves down. We, in theory, are like, trying to overcome the patriarchy if we could stop, like, maybe because we're, we're, we're trying to fight for something, we're not like defending. Maybe that's it, like, so we don't feel like there's enough space, but, um, yeah, like, I only get along with Nikki Glaser because she's blonde and brunette, so they could like, put us on the lineup together.

• 55:16Andrew Santino?

  You're not allowed to be on it with another brunette?

• 55:17Speaker 06

  If she was a brunette, I feel like that would be too, like, too competitive.

• 55:21Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 55:22Speaker 06

  No, I'm just kidding.

• 55:23Andrew Santino?

  No, there's something underneath there. This is, I'm just kidding, but also, not really. Okay, what if it's a brunette, but she's gay?

• 55:32Speaker 06

  That's okay.

• 55:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because you're not gay.

• 55:34Speaker 06

  Because I'm not gay, but I am lesbian passing.

• 55:37Andrew Santino?

  You mean lesbians, uh, accept you?

• 55:39Speaker 06

  Yes, or like, yeah, because I'm athletic, like, I can beat a lesbian in a sport sometimes.

• 55:45Andrew Santino?

  Do you have broad shoulders?

• 55:46Speaker 06

  No, I just have, um, I have a dark hole in me that is competitive, and my will to win can take over in certain moments.

• 55:57Andrew Santino?

  This is lesbian energy, is what you're saying?

• 55:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, because like, I'll, like, even when I was little, my dad was like, never lose to a boy because you like him. Like, if I lost to a boy in tennis, he'd be like, did you have a crush on him? Never let a man distract you, like, that's how I was raised, like, pummeled into my head.

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 56:11Speaker 06

  So like-

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  What if the guy just beat you?

• 56:14Speaker 06

  Then I need to get fucking better.

• 56:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 56:16Speaker 06

  But, um, no, then, like, respect, but I was just taught, like, men are distracting, you have to focus on the goal.

• 56:25Andrew Santino?

  How's your dad?

• 56:26Speaker 06

  He's a great man.

• 56:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:28Speaker 06

  He's, he's a coach.

• 56:29Andrew Santino?

  I know, I can tell. I can tell, he fucking-

• 56:32Speaker 06

  He li- I was like eight at the time.

• 56:35Andrew Santino?

  You don't like that boy?

• 56:36Speaker 06

  No, I lost to a kid and he was like better than me and my dad was like, "It's because you had a crush on him."

• 56:41Andrew Santino?

  But did you have a crush on him a little bit?

• 56:43Speaker 06

  Actually, I think you probably could tell I had a crush on him. There's some, tennis guys are kinda hot.

• 56:48Andrew Santino?

  Some.

• 56:49Speaker 06

  They're-

• 56:50Andrew Santino?

  What sport is the hottest guys?

• 56:52Speaker 06

  Good question. I would say basketball's too lanky. Like basketball-

• 56:58Andrew Santino?

  Like Wemba Yama's not your style?

• 57:00Speaker 06

  I mean, look, climb him like a tree, but he, also when you're with a really tall guy, it's like dating a celebrity where like everyone has to comment on it. Like he walks in, everyone's like, "You're tall."

• 57:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 06

  "You're tall." And you start, it's, it's like someone be like, "You're in that movie." Like it gets really like boring. It gets two weeks in and I'm like, "Yeah, he's very tall."

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  Basketball's out.

• 57:21Speaker 06

  Basketball's out.

• 57:22Andrew Santino?

  What about football?

• 57:23Speaker 06

  Football, their brains are not okay.

• 57:27Andrew Santino?

  But you just said hot.

• 57:28Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 57:29Andrew Santino?

  Who's the hottest?

• 57:30Speaker 06

  I like a tight end.

• 57:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do.

• 57:33Speaker 06

  They're always the hot ones.

• 57:34Andrew Santino?

  They are the hot ones.

• 57:35Speaker 06

  And they call it tight end for a reason.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 57:38Speaker 06

  Cause it's a fucking gay sport and they were like, "Let's name quarterback, fullback, running back." And then out of nowhere, they're like, "Tight end."

• 57:44Andrew Santino?

  You have to be the tightest on the end.

• 57:45Speaker 06

  You're the tight end.

• 57:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 06

  That's your grind, your username, you're tight end. But everyone else is, has back in it. That doesn't make sense.

• 57:53Andrew Santino?

  Well, back also kinda gay. What's going on back there? Back?

• 57:58Speaker 06

  And wide receiver.

• 57:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's wide, isn't he?

• 58:01Speaker 06

  That's fucking crazy. You, there was no one in the room that was like, "Maybe this is-"

• 58:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 58:05Speaker 06

  "Maybe we should-"

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  What if we change it? What if we just switch it up? And call me the guy out. Out guy. Out guy? Yeah, I'll go out. I think, I think as a girl. I'm, I, speaking as a woman.

• 58:20Speaker 06

  You wanna say who you think's most attractive?

• 58:22Andrew Santino?

  It's baseball.

• 58:25Andrew Santino?

  Baseball boys are by far the hottest dudes.

• 58:28Speaker 06

  But like

• 58:29Andrew Santino?

  Shohei Ohtani?

• 58:30Speaker 06

  Beautiful man.

• 58:31Andrew Santino?

  Come on, man.

• 58:32Speaker 06

  But there's something like

• 58:35Andrew Santino?

  Nah, they're awesome. And they got that cool uniform.

• 58:37Speaker 06

  It's slow. The game is slow.

• 58:40Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 58:41Speaker 06

  And some of these pitchers, they have, not to body shame, guts on them.

• 58:46Andrew Santino?

  You gotta, you gotta be able to throw a baseball hard. You gotta have some guff to ya.

• 58:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:50Andrew Santino?

  You gotta have some fucking

• 58:52Speaker 06

  But like if he's in a, what's it called, when they like can't hit?

• 58:56Andrew Santino?

  When they're in a slump?

• 58:57Speaker 06

  When they're in a slump, they'd be so annoying. They wait, I'm in a slump.

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, they come home.

• 59:02Speaker 06

  Like they bring out, they'd be like, I'm like, do you want some water? I'm like, I'm in a slump.

• 59:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm slumping right now.

• 59:06Speaker 06

  Like they make everything about their slump. And I'm like, to get out of a slump, you have to stop talking about it. And then we're in a fight because he can't open up to me.

• 59:13Andrew Santino?

  This happens with tennis too. People get the yips.

• 59:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, I had the yips.

• 59:17Andrew Santino?

  Did you?

• 59:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, I underhand served for like a year in college.

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  Wait, didn't someone in Roland Garros just do a bunch of underhand serves?

• 59:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, but now sometimes they're kind of doing it for like flair.

• 59:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's not for, it's not for, it's not for, um

• 59:30Speaker 06

  Coco Vandeweghe did some underhand and so did Tabalinka.

• 59:33Andrew Santino?

  And that, this is, this is just mix it up.

• 59:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, but no

• 59:37Andrew Santino?

  Not because of the yips.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  No, but they had the yips, Coco and Tabalinka. Yeah.

• 59:40Andrew Santino?

  Love to see that.

• 59:41Speaker 06

  This is my thing with the yips. As someone who's suffered from the yips, the way I've overcome it is if your brain is so powerful that you can convince yourself you can't do something, it's that powerful that you can convince yourself you can't.

• 59:53Andrew Santino?

  To do something, yeah.

• 59:54Speaker 06

  So like where my brain has super failed me before in like very embarrassing ways, I've also used my brain in ways where people are like, that, why did, how could you believe in yourself? And I'm like, because I've not believed in myself before.

• 1:00:07Andrew Santino?

  You know the other side.

• 1:00:08Speaker 06

  The dark and the light.

• 1:00:09Andrew Santino?

  Well, because golf is all between the ears. It's the same thing.

• 1:00:12Speaker 06

  They say tennis court, six inches, ear to ear.

• 1:00:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's the same game. It really is. It's a me game. I'm playing you, but it's me.

• 1:00:19Speaker 06

  But golf, what's scary about it, tennis, there are variables, but it's funny, you get the yips with your serve because you're just, it's all you. Where golf is literally just all you.

• 1:00:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're just standing. Well, that's why people get, they do this

• 1:00:34Speaker 06

  I remember Tiger Woods.

• 1:00:35Andrew Santino?

  There's a dreaded word. There's a word.

• 1:00:36Speaker 06

  That you're not supposed to say.

• 1:00:37Andrew Santino?

  What's the word in tennis you're not supposed to say?

• 1:00:39Speaker 06

  Yips.

• 1:00:40Andrew Santino?

  So the one in.

• 1:00:41Speaker 06

  Shank. Sorry.

• 1:00:43Andrew Santino?

  That's the one in golf.

• 1:00:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:45Andrew Santino?

  When you huzzle it, you shank it.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:48Andrew Santino?

  It's really sad. Why do we do that?

• 1:00:50Speaker 06

  We can't play golf again. You should cancel with Paige.

• 1:00:53Andrew Santino?

  You call Paige and tell her not to cancel. It is the word we don't say. We're not allowed to say it. But when somebody even gets close.

• 1:00:58Speaker 06

  But if you say it twice, then it disappears.

• 1:01:00Andrew Santino?

  Shank, shank.

• 1:01:00Speaker 06

  Shank, shank.

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  It's only, this, I'm only allowed to not say it when you're playing.

• 1:01:04Speaker 06

  Yes. I love how we're making the rules up as we go.

• 1:01:08Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that, that's life.

• 1:01:09Speaker 06

  If you say it over your left shoulder, it doesn't count. Yeah.

• 1:01:12Andrew Santino?

  That's my right. Fuck. Ten more years of bad luck. I've had it though. The yips are fucking, that's a crazy.

• 1:01:18Speaker 06

  I've had it too and you have so much shame because you're like.

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  You can't believe it.

• 1:01:22Speaker 06

  You're a fucking loser. Like, why are you doing your, and everyone else is like just playing a game and in your head you're like, you're fucking crazy. Like, I remember going on the court and everyone's like excited to play and I'm like, they don't know I'm about to double fault eight times.

• 1:01:33Andrew Santino?

  And you did.

• 1:01:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, because I decided I was going to.

• 1:01:36Andrew Santino?

  Once you tell yourself you're gonna do it, you do do it.

• 1:01:38Speaker 06

  And I think it's, and at first I was like, I'm a psychopath. But then I realized like, you can use your powers for good and evil.

• 1:01:47Andrew Santino?

  And what are you using your powers for right now, currently in life?

• 1:01:49Speaker 06

  I honestly think like, stand up, I'm like kinda crazy with it. Like I.

• 1:01:54Andrew Santino?

  For good.

• 1:01:55Speaker 06

  For good. Like I don't doubt myself ever with it. I just go out there and I'm not hard on myself because I've been like so mean to myself in my past.

• 1:02:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:05Speaker 06

  So stand up, I'm very like.

• 1:02:07Andrew Santino?

  You're over it.

• 1:02:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm just like, be yourself out there and have fun and make these fucking people laugh.

• 1:02:12Andrew Santino?

  Where'd you shoot this special?

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  Toronto.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  Why Canada?

• 1:02:16Speaker 06

  Because it was February and I was like, I want to go somewhere really cold.

• 1:02:20Andrew Santino?

  That's the one.

• 1:02:21Speaker 06

  Actually, because the Toronto crowds are incredible.

• 1:02:23Andrew Santino?

  I know, they're great. I'm just saying you have no connection to Toronto though.

• 1:02:26Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:02:27Andrew Santino?

  You just decided it.

• 1:02:28Speaker 06

  You know, when you shoot a special.

• 1:02:30Andrew Santino?

  Massey?

• 1:02:32Speaker 06

  No, I went smaller, Bluma Appel.

• 1:02:34Andrew Santino?

  Bluma Appel.

• 1:02:35Speaker 06

  It was like nine hundred.

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  That's nice.

• 1:02:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Andrew Santino?

  That's a great size.

• 1:02:39Speaker 06

  It's funny, because my first special, when they were like, it's time to shoot it, I didn't realize that you have to pick the theater, you have to pick all these things, and there's not like a list somewhere of like, these are the recommended theaters to shoot.

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  No, you pick it, and the agents still get ten percent.

• 1:02:53Speaker 06

  And you...

• 1:02:54Andrew Santino?

  You do all the work. We're still gonna get them on there.

• 1:02:58Speaker 06

  But also, like, we're busy, like, we're not talking, there's not like a good, a good group chat.

• 1:03:02Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, comics, comics don't also, they gatekeep, they don't want to share a place that they shot, because they're like, why don't you to shoot there, I shot there.

• 1:03:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I guess you could kind of try to hear through managers, like, who's,

• 1:03:12Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:13Speaker 06

  who shot where, but I was, I ended up kind of shooting at like a music place in Philly, but it went great.

• 1:03:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that's great.

• 1:03:19Speaker 06

  But the second time around, I was like, I knew if, when I do shoot this special, I need to find it, so I was like, writing down theaters I liked.

• 1:03:28Andrew Santino?

  As you went along.

• 1:03:29Speaker 06

  As I went along, and I'd already played New York, I'd played Boston, I played, and we hadn't done Toronto yet, so we were like, that's the spot, because I knew a place I liked.

• 1:03:38Andrew Santino?

  It's a great city.

• 1:03:38Speaker 06

  Bluma Appel, if you're listening, it's a great place to shoot a special.

• 1:03:40Andrew Santino?

  It's a great city. What is it, Toronto, uh, I'm trying to think of the kids, and they interview the Toronto accent.

• 1:03:45Speaker 06

  Drake.

• 1:03:46Andrew Santino?

  Fam? Fam? Toronto accent fam? That's what they say.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  They always say sorry. They're obsessed with saying sorry.

• 1:03:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, sorry fam.

• 1:03:52Speaker 06

  They literally do something nice, and they go, sorry.

• 1:03:54Andrew Santino?

  No, sorry fam.

• 1:03:55Speaker 06

  I've never heard this, the fam part.

• 1:03:57Andrew Santino?

  Fam thing is a big Toronto thing with the kids on the internet.

• 1:04:00Speaker 06

  Oh, I'm not hanging out with the kids. You are?

• 1:04:03Andrew Santino?

  It's on the internet.

• 1:04:04Speaker 06

  Why are they coming up on your algorithm?

• 1:04:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm hanging out with kids on the internet.

• 1:04:06Speaker 06

  Why are they coming up on your algorithm?

• 1:04:09Andrew Santino?

  All I see on my, I see, like, people harassing people in public online, that's all it is now.

• 1:04:14Speaker 06

  Why?

• 1:04:15Andrew Santino?

  It just, people harass me, that's like a TikTok world, it's like, how do you harass people in public more?

• 1:04:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then they get their, it's like punked, but like, not produced.

• 1:04:22Andrew Santino?

  But they're just being mean.

• 1:04:23Speaker 06

  But you, it keeps coming up because you keep watching it?

• 1:04:25Andrew Santino?

  I have to, it's upsetting, it's upsetting. I can't not, for a long time, it was golf and dogs.

• 1:04:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, that was a nice time in your life.

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and then it moved.

• 1:04:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Andrew Santino?

  But you get, they give you one little, it's just like crack, they're like, hey, watch this one, and you're like, oh my god, and you can't stop watching it.

• 1:04:39Speaker 06

  But the problem with the algorithm is, then they think that's your one and only passion.

• 1:04:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and they, then they just over, like, just drown you with, like, what's on your explore page of Instagram right now?

• 1:04:49Speaker 06

  So Instagram, it's, it's literally tons of tennis videos, cats, and like, some fashion.

• 1:04:55Andrew Santino?

  You're a cat girl?

• 1:04:57Speaker 06

  Why you say it like that?

• 1:04:59Andrew Santino?

  Question mark, you're a cat girl?

• 1:05:02Speaker 06

  Spanish question mark, you're a cockerel's question mark.

• 1:05:04Andrew Santino?

  Exclamation point. You're a cat girl. Cats? I didn't fit you as a cat girl.

• 1:05:09Speaker 06

  You saw on TikTok, they do the disappointed sarcastic.

• 1:05:12Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, here, let's see. On mine is, here we go. Let's see. I'm gonna see.

• 1:05:19Speaker 06

  I don't have my phone.

• 1:05:19Andrew Santino?

  And I wanna fucking.

• 1:05:20Speaker 06

  I don't have my phone because I'm living in the moment.

• 1:05:22Andrew Santino?

  You shouldn't. You should have your phone.

• 1:05:23Speaker 06

  I don't have my phone because you stole my phone.

• 1:05:26Andrew Santino?

  Okay, fat guy running, tennis, golf, baseball.

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Spencer Pratt, golf, golf, golf. Look at how much golf. Golf, golf, golf, golf. It's all golf.

• 1:05:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  Spencer Pratt.

• 1:05:38Speaker 06

  But I've like learned a lot from watching like tennis videos. Like, yeah, some of the pros are like just doing viral stuff, but like I'm a visual person, so I've been like learning.

• 1:05:47Andrew Santino?

  You're monkey see monkey do.

• 1:05:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:49Andrew Santino?

  Like, did you, did you ever take lessons when you were a kid?

• 1:05:51Speaker 06

  With tennis or golf?

• 1:05:52Andrew Santino?

  Either.

• 1:05:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, I, I was like, at like 11 years old, I almost like, like, went, tried to go pro in golf. But I went with tennis because I liked running.

• 1:06:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, in golf, there's no running.

• 1:06:06Speaker 06

  I was literally created by my dad to become pro in something. Like, we, at one point, we were like choosing like, okay, is it basketball, softball?

• 1:06:14Andrew Santino?

  You're lesbian maxing. That's what this is.

• 1:06:16Speaker 06

  A hundred percent.

• 1:06:17Andrew Santino?

  You're lesbian maxing.

• 1:06:18Speaker 06

  It's more like my dad just was, wanted a champion. He didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. And like, I was athletic.

• 1:06:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 06

  And when you're an athletic girl, sometimes like, put me on the soccer field, I'm fast. Next thing you know, the, I'm like.

• 1:06:29Andrew Santino?

  Was he athletic?

• 1:06:30Speaker 06

  Crushing it. He was the one white guy on Brooklyn Tech's basketball team.

• 1:06:34Andrew Santino?

  No shit.

• 1:06:35Speaker 06

  So he did sit on the bench, but he made that team.

• 1:06:37Andrew Santino?

  To make the team is huge.

• 1:06:40Speaker 06

  The way he was respected in that high school.

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:42Speaker 06

  Nobody fucked with him.

• 1:06:43Andrew Santino?

  No, they salute, though. There he goes. There's Whitey.

• 1:06:45Speaker 06

  All his white friends, he was like, don't talk to me anymore.

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 06

  Like, he was the shit.

• 1:06:49Andrew Santino?

  Guys, I don't need to talk to you anymore. I've moved on.

• 1:06:51Speaker 06

  He's like, can I talk to you for a second? Never talk to me again. He was friends with Lorenzo Charles. I don't know if you know who that is.

• 1:06:57Andrew Santino?

  Lorenzo Charles.

• 1:06:58Speaker 06

  He was a famous college, NC State. Look, the listeners know who I'm talking about. He played on the team with my dad.

• 1:07:07Andrew Santino?

  Nobody knows Lorenzo Charles.

• 1:07:08Speaker 06

  He's dead now.

• 1:07:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, how'd he die?

• 1:07:10Speaker 06

  Car accident.

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  Shit.

• 1:07:13Speaker 06

  This is what boys talk about, right?

• 1:07:14Andrew Santino?

  Some of it.

• 1:07:14Speaker 06

  I'm honestly like, fucking, I know what to do.

• 1:07:17Andrew Santino?

  You wanna be a girly, I can be a girly.

• 1:07:19Speaker 06

  I love how I'm like, I'm a boy, and you're like, I'm a literal girl.

• 1:07:21Andrew Santino?

  I'm a lady.

• 1:07:22Speaker 06

  Okay, ask me something a girl would ask me. We're getting brunch.

• 1:07:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, we're at brunch?

• 1:07:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, you love brunch.

• 1:07:29Andrew Santino?

  It's my favorite meal.

• 1:07:30Speaker 06

  You're loving your brunch. You just got a side. I love sides at brunch.

• 1:07:33Andrew Santino?

  Do you think you should have three mimosas? Cause we have stuff to do today.

• 1:07:38Speaker 06

  No girl would say that.

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're having another mimosa?

• 1:07:42Speaker 06

  Ask me about where my jacket's from.

• 1:07:43Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, girls aren't passive aggressive? They would go, oh, Hannah's having another.

• 1:07:46Speaker 06

  Oh, no, that, yeah, they would do that. They'd be like.

• 1:07:48Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:07:49Speaker 06

  Oh, mimosa Hannah.

• 1:07:50Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, mimosa Hannah. I guess we don't have, guess we don't have to do anything later today.

• 1:07:55Speaker 06

  No, but day drinking, I can't, I'm not doing that anymore.

• 1:07:58Andrew Santino?

  You don't drink anymore?

• 1:07:59Speaker 06

  I'll drink.

• 1:08:00Andrew Santino?

  Very rarely.

• 1:08:01Speaker 06

  But I'm not sober. Like, last night I was somewhere and someone, I thought it was water and it was fucking mezcal, which should be, I got roofied.

• 1:08:10Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:08:10Speaker 06

  No, but like mezcal, you warn someone and say it's mezcal.

• 1:08:14Andrew Santino?

  Mezcal.

• 1:08:15Speaker 06

  That's crazy. They give us tequila, it's fine.

• 1:08:16Speaker 07

  Mezcal.

• 1:08:17Andrew Santino?

  Mezcal.

• 1:08:18Speaker 06

  Mezcal.

• 1:08:18Andrew Santino?

  Mezcal.

• 1:08:19Speaker 06

  Mezcal, but I don't know mezcal.

• 1:08:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'll have just one glass of mezcal.

• 1:08:21Speaker 06

  Have you ever had mezcal?

• 1:08:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I love it. Tequila? Mezcal tequila's great.

• 1:08:25Speaker 06

  Smoky.

• 1:08:26Andrew Santino?

  I like reposado better. Or añejo. Say it.

• 1:08:30Speaker 07

  Añejo.

• 1:08:31Andrew Santino?

  Añejo.

• 1:08:32Speaker 06

  He's literally kicking his feet. He loves this.

• 1:08:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's just, and whenever we do Spanish shit, he gets off. That's how he gets his rocks off. This is what guys do.

• 1:08:39Speaker 06

  Do you know, my, my husband and I are trying to learn Spanish. I had to do lingo in the beginning, but he's, he hired a tutor behind my back.

• 1:08:47Andrew Santino?

  So he can get better than you?

• 1:08:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Andrew Santino?

  Genius.

• 1:08:49Speaker 06

  Like, I, he was like talking to some Spanish lady in the room, and I was like, hello. And he's like, what's up? She's like, yeah, I hired a tutor. I'm like, you wouldn't wanna.

• 1:08:57Andrew Santino?

  Just this woman in your house?

• 1:08:58Speaker 06

  She, no, El Verzum.

• 1:09:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I was like, that's insane, dude, just a woman in the house. Hello, Hannah. Who is that? This is Maria. I hired her to beat you at Spanish.

• 1:09:07Speaker 06

  But now I feel like I can't catch up, so I've lost momentum. And he's like, good at langu, he speaks.

• 1:09:14Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 1:09:15Speaker 06

  That's his whole thing.

• 1:09:16Andrew Santino?

  It's he speaks everything, right, this guy?

• 1:09:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, so like I can't talk shit in any language about him.

• 1:09:21Andrew Santino?

  In English you can, or American you can.

• 1:09:24Speaker 06

  True.

• 1:09:24Andrew Santino?

  He's not American.

• 1:09:25Speaker 06

  No. I speak girly, he gets confused.

• 1:09:29Andrew Santino?

  Speak girly to me. I'll break it down. I'll be able to dissect it.

• 1:09:37Andrew Santino?

  By the way, we're still at brunch.

• 1:09:39Speaker 06

  Wait.

• 1:09:40Andrew Santino?

  Ooh Hannah, more pancakes?

• 1:09:42Speaker 06

  I love random sides. Like it doesn't have to go, like once I ordered like a cheeseburger as a side at brunch.

• 1:09:50Andrew Santino?

  That's, what was the dish? What's the main meal?

• 1:09:52Speaker 06

  That was during my college career though, like I was

• 1:09:54Andrew Santino?

  You were.

• 1:09:55Speaker 06

  Burning a lot of calories.

• 1:09:56Andrew Santino?

  You were working out a lot.

• 1:09:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:57Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean a lot of sides? Just like a lot of meats?

• 1:10:00Speaker 06

  I want, I need my pork sausage links. Bacon for people who need, one or the other.

• 1:10:07Andrew Santino?

  So you're a big meat eater?

• 1:10:09Speaker 06

  At times.

• 1:10:09Andrew Santino?

  I'm, I don't, I don't eat meat.

• 1:10:12Speaker 06

  Are you vegan?

• 1:10:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Billie Eilish and I.

• 1:10:14Speaker 06

  Just you and Billie.

• 1:10:16Andrew Santino?

  You can't love animals and eat them.

• 1:10:18Speaker 06

  No, I know, and I love animals so fucking much.

• 1:10:21Andrew Santino?

  When she said that, I was so annoyed. I was like, come on, that's, stop it.

• 1:10:24Speaker 06

  You think she, she should have had a different PR?

• 1:10:28Andrew Santino?

  No, she says whatever she feels. I just was, I was like, lady, I love my dog, but I do wanna eat cow.

• 1:10:35Speaker 06

  But I do wanna eat her, sometimes.

• 1:10:36Andrew Santino?

  I, I thought about it. Don't you ever squeeze your animal hard enough that you're like, I'll fucking eat you?

• 1:10:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, the cuteness.

• 1:10:43Speaker 07

  She also wants to return the stolen land, except for her house.

• 1:10:46Andrew Santino?

  Except for her house, yeah. Cause her house was on stolen land, that's so funny. The irony is terrible to be like, hey, return stolen land, and they're like, dude, we actually looked up your house. And she's like, no. She's, she, I get what she's saying.

• 1:10:57Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:10:58Andrew Santino?

  But come on, that's such, two things can be true at once.

• 1:11:01Speaker 06

  So you're disagreeing, are you vegan?

• 1:11:04Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:11:04Speaker 06

  What, why are you lying to me?

• 1:11:06Andrew Santino?

  I didn't lie. I tricked ya.

• 1:11:08Speaker 06

  Imagine.

• 1:11:10Andrew Santino?

  And ye ho.

• 1:11:11Speaker 06

  Wah!

• 1:11:12Andrew Santino?

  Ah, metcalfe, metcalfe, metcalfe.

• 1:11:13Speaker 06

  Ole, ole, ole, ole.

• 1:11:15Andrew Santino?

  Ole, ole, ole.

• 1:11:17Speaker 06

  We got her!

• 1:11:18Andrew Santino?

  Ole, ole, ole, ole.

• 1:11:20Speaker 07

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:11:20Andrew Santino?

  That is how we trick her.

• 1:11:21Speaker 06

  I like cats because I'm a city slicker. And when you grow up in Brooklyn, New York.

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 1:11:28Speaker 06

  You don't have, you don't have a yard.

• 1:11:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you just wanna let it roam.

• 1:11:31Speaker 06

  I don't have a fucking seven golden retrievers. I have my cat.

• 1:11:34Andrew Santino?

  I, I like, I, I don't hate cats, I just don't get them.

• 1:11:38Speaker 06

  Have you had one?

• 1:11:39Andrew Santino?

  No!

• 1:11:39Speaker 06

  And that's why?

• 1:11:41Andrew Santino?

  But I, I, I just like animals that I can play with.

• 1:11:43Speaker 06

  I feel like we've fully had this conversation in the last pod.

• 1:11:46Andrew Santino?

  I bet we did.

• 1:11:46Speaker 06

  But it's been long enough that I feel like it's a re-debate. Seven years.

• 1:11:49Andrew Santino?

  Seven years.

• 1:11:50Speaker 06

  What was the last thing you said? I wasn't listening.

• 1:11:52Andrew Santino?

  I just wanna be able to play with them.

• 1:11:54Speaker 06

  And that's the thing.

• 1:11:55Andrew Santino?

  Can't play with cats.

• 1:11:56Speaker 06

  You can play with cats.

• 1:11:57Andrew Santino?

  Nah, you fucking with the thing and the thing, no. Nah, I wanna take it outside, I wanna throw a ball, I wanted to get a ball. There's nothing better than getting stoned and throwing a ball.

• 1:12:05Speaker 06

  There's nothing better than getting stoned and having a cat purring on you.

• 1:12:09Andrew Santino?

  Nothing better than getting stoned and nibbling on a dog's ear and it licking your face and then it chasing stuff.

• 1:12:14Speaker 06

  Do you ever feel like after you pet a dog, you need to take a shower?

• 1:12:18Andrew Santino?

  Not my dog.

• 1:12:20Speaker 06

  What kind of dog do you have?

• 1:12:22Andrew Santino?

  What is she?

• 1:12:23Speaker 06

  Is it like a fart? Like, you think yours smells good?

• 1:12:26Andrew Santino?

  No, no, my dog, he's my dog, my dog is fantastic. She's, she's very good. She's from East LA. She is, her name was Pantera.

• 1:12:34Speaker 06

  Is she a chihuahua?

• 1:12:35Andrew Santino?

  No. She's a mutt. Cocker spaniel, terrier, she's like five different things. She's a little street dog.

• 1:12:40Speaker 06

  She loud?

• 1:12:42Andrew Santino?

  No. No. No, no, she's quiet unless I say, "Do you wanna go outside?"

• 1:12:47Speaker 06

  And then she fucking loses her fucking mind.

• 1:12:50Andrew Santino?

  "Do you wanna go outside?" Ah! That's what she does.

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

  Do you ever feel like people who have dogs, I'm gonna lose all the audience that I was trying to gain from this, but um, you ever feel like people are just always yelling at their dog? Like, they're like, "I love my dog, I love my dog," but then when you're spending time, the whole time, they're like mad at their dog.

• 1:13:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's not us. We, I let the dog do what she, what, also, these are people with kids do the same thing. I love our kids.

• 1:13:13Speaker 06

  It's the same thing.

• 1:13:13Andrew Santino?

  Hold your dog!

• 1:13:14Speaker 06

  And she'll look at you and she's like, "My life is over," but it's the happiest I've ever been.

• 1:13:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I'm worried about that. I'm worried about that for you.

• 1:13:23Speaker 06

  Well, this, okay.

• 1:13:24Andrew Santino?

  Cause if you have kids, you'll probably be a great mom.

• 1:13:26Speaker 06

  I'm thirty-five, thirty-four. I'm round up, rounding up. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

• 1:13:33Andrew Santino?

  Don't tell them, don't tell them.

• 1:13:35Speaker 06

  I don't give a fuck.

• 1:13:36Andrew Santino?

  Thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-four.

• 1:13:38Speaker 06

  I'm thirty-four, thirty, thirty-five, and it's, as a stand-up, I feel like I'm getting some momentum right now, and I get worried, like, if I have a kid.

• 1:13:49Andrew Santino?

  No, fuck that, have a kid. No, fuck that, have a kid.

• 1:13:52Speaker 06

  Could throw my path.

• 1:13:53Andrew Santino?

  Do you wanna have a baby?

• 1:13:55Speaker 06

  I mean, I know I could live without it.

• 1:13:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:58Speaker 06

  But I know I could live with it.

• 1:13:59Andrew Santino?

  Have one, have fun, fuck it, who cares, have it, have it.

• 1:14:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:03Andrew Santino?

  Have it, have fun.

• 1:14:04Speaker 06

  Leave it at home.

• 1:14:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm forty-two. Forty-two?

• 1:14:07Speaker 06

  You're forty-two.

• 1:14:08Andrew Santino?

  It's over, man, no kids, it's over, I'm done. But if I would go back.

• 1:14:11Speaker 06

  You don't wanna adopt a Spanish baby?

• 1:14:14Andrew Santino?

  We tried.

• 1:14:15Speaker 06

  They didn't let you?

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  They don't listen, those kids.

• 1:14:17Speaker 07

  He didn't give me enough money.

• 1:14:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he didn't give him enough money. Cállate, puto. See?

• 1:14:23Speaker 06

  Cállate la boca.

• 1:14:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, adopt, adopt, maybe adopt, maybe adopt, but also, you know, no.

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  Also, no, also, no. But yes, maybe, but no.

• 1:14:33Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:14:34Andrew Santino?

  Probably not.

• 1:14:35Speaker 06

  Well, it's, it's, it's for sure a commitment. I'm trying to work hard so that I can have help.

• 1:14:42Andrew Santino?

  Taking care of your kid.

• 1:14:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:45Speaker 06

  And I'm also, I'm, I'm a dad when it comes to.

• 1:14:48Andrew Santino?

  And your husband has to be a mom.

• 1:14:50Speaker 06

  And my mom will help. My mom's like, really good mom. My mom, like, guys would meet my mom, be like, why can't you be like your mom? Like, she's like, successful and domestic and sweet.

• 1:15:01Andrew Santino?

  She does it all.

• 1:15:02Speaker 06

  She's incredible, and I think she, she let me, like, be a tennis player, and she took care of me, so then when I was out of my own, I was like, what is a dishwasher?

• 1:15:13Andrew Santino?

  You did, so every, they did everything for you?

• 1:15:15Speaker 06

  Not everything, it was more like.

• 1:15:17Andrew Santino?

  Laundry, you never did laundry?

• 1:15:19Speaker 06

  I had to do laundry when I went to.

• 1:15:21Andrew Santino?

  When you grew up.

• 1:15:21Speaker 06

  College and grew up, but like, as a kid.

• 1:15:23Andrew Santino?

  We had to do laundry as kids.

• 1:15:24Speaker 06

  It was cause it was like, after school.

• 1:15:26Andrew Santino?

  You had to go down to the river.

• 1:15:27Speaker 06

  Three hours of tennis, homework, and I would, I was, I held my end of the deal, like, it was a lot of pressure, like, I got straight A's, I got a full scholarship to college, but she did my laundry.

• 1:15:38Speaker 06

  And that was the agreement in the household.

• 1:15:40Andrew Santino?

  That's it.

• 1:15:40Speaker 06

  You do well, I'll take care of you.

• 1:15:42Andrew Santino?

  You'd sound like the husband. You sound like an abusive husband in the 50s. I did what I was supposed to do, Marie. You know what you're supposed to do. Where's the food, Marie? I bust my ass.

• 1:15:55Speaker 06

  Where's the meatballs?

• 1:15:56Andrew Santino?

  Where's the meatballs, Marie?

• 1:15:58Speaker 06

  Yes, but it was very highly functional, beautiful household.

• 1:16:01Andrew Santino?

  Did your mom work?

• 1:16:02Speaker 06

  Yes, she's a principal of a middle school.

• 1:16:04Andrew Santino?

  Still?

• 1:16:04Speaker 06

  In Brooklyn, she just retired.

• 1:16:06Andrew Santino?

  God bless, let's give it up.

• 1:16:07Speaker 06

  Public school in Brooklyn.

• 1:16:08Andrew Santino?

  PS.

• 1:16:09Speaker 06

  That's a real.

• 1:16:09Andrew Santino?

  PS.

• 1:16:10Speaker 06

  PS 51.

• 1:16:11Andrew Santino?

  51.

• 1:16:11Speaker 06

  MS 51.

• 1:16:12Andrew Santino?

  MS 51.

• 1:16:13Speaker 06

  Shout out MS 51, PS 321.

• 1:16:15Andrew Santino?

  She was the principal.

• 1:16:16Speaker 06

  She was the shit.

• 1:16:17Andrew Santino?

  Principal burner.

• 1:16:18Speaker 06

  She was, you couldn't go anywhere in town. That's not town, it's Brooklyn, but I always wish I had a town.

• 1:16:24Andrew Santino?

  Brooklyn's a city.

• 1:16:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:26Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's an area, but it's a town. Mrs. B. Mrs. B.

• 1:16:29Speaker 06

  Mrs. B.

• 1:16:30Andrew Santino?

  Mrs. B. There she goes.

• 1:16:32Speaker 06

  She was cool, she was hot. She was a hot principal. All the middle school boys tried to give her hugs and she was like, not today.

• 1:16:37Andrew Santino?

  Not today, I'm not ending up on TikTok in one of these new videos. Jesus Christ, every week. Some new teacher.

• 1:16:44Speaker 06

  What is your algor-

• 1:16:46Andrew Santino?

  You don't see this in the news?

• 1:16:48Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:16:48Andrew Santino?

  You know this, this is crazy.

• 1:16:49Speaker 06

  Oh, well, I knew there's like-

• 1:16:51Andrew Santino?

  Every week, there's like a teacher with a kid now. You're like, oh, it's just like, this is like, this is like a huge thing. Every week.

• 1:16:58Speaker 06

  It's always been happening, but now TikTok just exposes it.

• 1:17:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, now, like that teacher, that woman, they published all her text messages to this?

• 1:17:04Speaker 06

  Yes, I read those, actually.

• 1:17:06Andrew Santino?

  You read every one of them, we all did.

• 1:17:07Speaker 06

  We all did, it was, he was, he didn't give a fuck.

• 1:17:11Andrew Santino?

  She was like, I used to be big. He's like, yeah, you were fat. It was so mean.

• 1:17:15Speaker 06

  No, but like, he was just, yeah.

• 1:17:18Andrew Santino?

  He was a teenage kid, that's what he was, he was a fucking child.

• 1:17:21Speaker 06

  I mean, they're scary.

• 1:17:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:23Speaker 06

  She was being bullied by a teenage kid and she's like-

• 1:17:26Andrew Santino?

  It was taking her back to high school is what it was, that's what's really sad about it.

• 1:17:29Speaker 06

  And she wanted the popular guy who didn't care about her to care about her.

• 1:17:32Andrew Santino?

  I know, it's very sad.

• 1:17:33Speaker 06

  It's very sad, but, yeah, it's sickening.

• 1:17:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's yucko, but it's very sad.

• 1:17:38Speaker 06

  It's sad.

• 1:17:38Andrew Santino?

  Two things can be true, Billy. I love my dog and I'm still gonna eat meat. Two things can be true. Both things can be true.

• 1:17:46Speaker 06

  There's also something about dogs where I do think they're slutty, where like, I think if I met your dog today-

• 1:17:54Andrew Santino?

  She'd like you, she's a whore.

• 1:17:56Speaker 06

  She'd like me, and I could literally take her home, and she'd be like, fuck my dad.

• 1:18:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Speaker 06

  She goes, this is us now.

• 1:18:02Andrew Santino?

  What's wrong with that?

• 1:18:03Speaker 06

  There's no loyalty.

• 1:18:04Andrew Santino?

  Free love.

• 1:18:05Speaker 06

  There's no loyalty.

• 1:18:06Andrew Santino?

  Free love, the dogs, let the dogs live and love.

• 1:18:07Speaker 06

  Do I wanna be with a man who meets one woman and is like, she smells nice, I'm gonna go live with her, fuck you.

• 1:18:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, dogs and humans are two different things. They rely on us.

• 1:18:16Speaker 06

  Cats wouldn't do that. My cat would slit her fucking throat if you stuck with you.

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  Your cat walks around your place like it owes, like you fucking owe it money.

• 1:18:23Speaker 06

  I, I know.

• 1:18:24Andrew Santino?

  And every room, it's like, what do you fucking want? I pooped again, inside, scoop it up.

• 1:18:31Speaker 06

  The fact that you have to go outside with your dog is torture, like it's raining and you have to go outside.

• 1:18:36Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't rain here.

• 1:18:37Speaker 06

  We live in paradise.

• 1:18:39Andrew Santino?

  You guys live in the fucking, we live, that's what, by the way, if you don't have a dog in California, what are you doing? This is dog state.

• 1:18:47Speaker 06

  I just love the fact that my cat, if you walked into my house, wouldn't let you touch her.

• 1:18:51Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna touch her.

• 1:18:52Speaker 06

  Exactly, she doesn't want you to touch her.

• 1:18:54Andrew Santino?

  What, what, what kind of cat is she?

• 1:18:55Speaker 06

  She was found in a dumpster in the Bronx, butter, shout out butter.

• 1:18:59Andrew Santino?

  She's not listening.

• 1:19:00Speaker 06

  She misses me.

• 1:19:01Andrew Santino?

  My dog is listening, and she's pissed.

• 1:19:04Andrew Santino?

  You found her, what kind, you don't know what kind?

• 1:19:06Speaker 06

  She's, she, so she's brown. That's the guy.

• 1:19:10Andrew Santino?

  She's brown.

• 1:19:10Speaker 06

  She's brown, and she...

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  Puerto Rican?

• 1:19:12Speaker 06

  She's Dominican.

• 1:19:13Andrew Santino?

  She's from Brooklyn, yeah, that's right, she's Dominican.

• 1:19:15Speaker 06

  But like, with me, I could put my face in her stomach. I'd do anything, she cuddles with me, she would, we have our own language, it's just she doesn't trust other people. So if you are always the person the cat doesn't trust, I wouldn't like cats either, but when you have your own cat, you are the center of their universe.

• 1:19:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so you like owning things?

• 1:19:36Speaker 06

  No, she owns me. She owns me.

• 1:19:39Andrew Santino?

  This is even sadder.

• 1:19:40Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:19:41Andrew Santino?

  See, this is why dogs are better.

• 1:19:44Andrew Santino?

  Cause that, I, I own that thing, it doesn't own me.

• 1:19:47Speaker 06

  So you like to be in control?

• 1:19:48Andrew Santino?

  You better believe it, that's what life is about, control.

• 1:19:51Speaker 06

  But, I like knowing that I, I earned, I earned her love.

• 1:19:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they don't love you. Dogs are like, "Oh my god, it's so good to see you." Cats are like, "What?"

• 1:20:02Speaker 06

  My cat, when I get home, she skips to my loo to me and lays on her back.

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  She goes, "Hi."

• 1:20:09Speaker 06

  She's like, "Where you been?"

• 1:20:10Andrew Santino?

  "It's been so weird here."

• 1:20:13Speaker 06

  And she doesn't fuck with other cats. She just wants to be alone.

• 1:20:17Andrew Santino?

  But that's not like you. You wanna fuck with other cats. You like people.

• 1:20:22Speaker 06

  I do pet every cat. I don't like people. Why are you putting words in my mouth?

• 1:20:26Andrew Santino?

  You like people.

• 1:20:27Speaker 06

  I like people for small doses.

• 1:20:29Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:20:29Speaker 06

  Like, this is peak me.

• 1:20:31Andrew Santino?

  This is, one-on-one is great.

• 1:20:32Speaker 06

  Hour twenty?

• 1:20:36Andrew Santino?

  Perfect.

• 1:20:37Speaker 06

  Perfect. Also, me going to LA, I love going to LA, cuz people are excited to see me.

• 1:20:41Andrew Santino?

  You should've moved here.

• 1:20:42Speaker 06

  And then I leave.

• 1:20:43Andrew Santino?

  You should've moved here.

• 1:20:44Speaker 06

  Maybe one day.

• 1:20:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, this is, this, you're, this LA is for you.

• 1:20:50Speaker 06

  Why?

• 1:20:50Andrew Santino?

  Warm.

• 1:20:53Speaker 06

  I live in Florida.

• 1:20:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that's, but it's humid. That's humid.

• 1:20:58Speaker 06

  True, it is humid.

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  There's way too much humid down there.

• 1:21:00Speaker 06

  Yes, see.

• 1:21:02Andrew Santino?

  And, Florida?

• 1:21:05Speaker 06

  I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

• 1:21:07Andrew Santino?

  I know, we know where you live. Connecticut. Jersey. Who me? You live in Maine.

• 1:21:16Speaker 06

  I love Los Angeles.

• 1:21:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 1:21:19Speaker 06

  It's beautiful.

• 1:21:20Andrew Santino?

  It's great.

• 1:21:20Speaker 06

  Except I don't, I can't drive.

• 1:21:22Andrew Santino?

  This, yeah.

• 1:21:23Speaker 06

  I have my license.

• 1:21:25Andrew Santino?

  I know, she got dropped off by a little, a sweet man who walked her into the door.

• 1:21:29Speaker 06

  Look, Boris has my back.

• 1:21:31Andrew Santino?

  He's gone.

• 1:21:32Speaker 06

  Boris left me for dead.

• 1:21:34Andrew Santino?

  He's fucking gone. Yeah, I just dropped off girl at studio.

• 1:21:39Andrew Santino?

  She dead.

• 1:21:40Speaker 06

  Why are all the drivers here, like?

• 1:21:43Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead.

• 1:21:43Speaker 06

  Russian? Or Albanian?

• 1:21:47Andrew Santino?

  That's, that was the program we did with Ukraine. All that money we sent to Ukraine, they sent the Ukrainian drivers here. So Zelensky got what he wanted, we got what we needed. We sent him money and they gave us drivers. Why are they all Albanian?

• 1:22:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:03Andrew Santino?

  There's a program.

• 1:22:05Speaker 06

  Is there a program?

• 1:22:05Andrew Santino?

  We have a driver program for, for Albanians, yeah. It's a good gig.

• 1:22:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:10Andrew Santino?

  And you probably, you know, I don't know.

• 1:22:14Andrew Santino?

  I think it's easy to file.

• 1:22:17Andrew Santino?

  I think the government, uh.

• 1:22:18Speaker 06

  They all look like Albanian spies. They all look like villains from James Bond. They're like, hello, welcome to my car.

• 1:22:24Andrew Santino?

  Come in my car. You want gum?

• 1:22:28Andrew Santino?

  You want mint or gum? They're like, I don't want any, I'm okay.

• 1:22:32Speaker 06

  But they like.

• 1:22:32Andrew Santino?

  Loose mints.

• 1:22:33Speaker 06

  They love, they love their car clean, like up on my foot, up there, no foot.

• 1:22:37Andrew Santino?

  Please, please, please, please.

• 1:22:38Speaker 06

  Please, no foot.

• 1:22:40Andrew Santino?

  The guy last night, we were driving, he was like, I go, just, uh, go up Las Yenega. He's like, why?

• 1:22:47Andrew Santino?

  I was like, well, it's quicker, it's quicker than going this way. He's like.

• 1:22:52Andrew Santino?

  Okay. He was livid. By the way, if you, if his friends asked him, he would, he would have been like.

• 1:22:56Speaker 06

  That was actually him being happy.

• 1:22:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he was probably stoked about it. He did cut off two minutes. So good for you, yes. They're dangerous, dude. They'll drive, they don't give a fuck. They drive like maniacs, dude. They cut people off, they cross four lane crossovers, they don't give a shit.

• 1:23:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:23:10Andrew Santino?

  You could get, you'd be fine over here. You get a car that you don't care about.

• 1:23:13Speaker 06

  I got my license this summer.

• 1:23:15Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:23:16Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:23:16Andrew Santino?

  Congratulations.

• 1:23:17Speaker 06

  Thanks, I kinda had the yips, I think.

• 1:23:19Andrew Santino?

  You passed the driving test?

• 1:23:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:23:20Andrew Santino?

  How many times did it take you?

• 1:23:22Speaker 06

  It was, it's a whole thing.

• 1:23:24Andrew Santino?

  It was a lot.

• 1:23:24Speaker 06

  Well, like it expired, I know it could expire. I'm not good with logistics. I'm a very creative individual. Also, I'm a dad. I don't know when things are due.

• 1:23:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know when your anniversary is?

• 1:23:37Speaker 06

  We literally did, forgot.

• 1:23:38Andrew Santino?

  You had to think about it?

• 1:23:40Speaker 06

  Well, I'm not, I have stuff to do, like I'm, it wasn't in my calendar.

• 1:23:44Andrew Santino?

  You don't know your anniversary?

• 1:23:46Speaker 06

  It's not like.

• 1:23:48Speaker 06

  The 11th. Nope.

• 1:23:50Andrew Santino?

  September 11th?

• 1:23:51Speaker 06

  May 23rd.

• 1:23:52Andrew Santino?

  May 23rd.

• 1:23:53Speaker 06

  2022, a Friday. May 13th, 2022. It was the, it was the Friday the 13th we got married.

• 1:24:01Andrew Santino?

  You said 22nd now? You changed it three times. So it's May 13th.

• 1:24:05Speaker 06

  These things don't matter.

• 1:24:06Andrew Santino?

  They don't.

• 1:24:07Speaker 06

  I feel like couples that post about their anniversary.

• 1:24:11Andrew Santino?

  Sketch?

• 1:24:11Speaker 06

  Someone's cheating.

• 1:24:13Andrew Santino?

  If they post about anniversary?

• 1:24:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:24:14Andrew Santino?

  Happy anniversary, baby. I love you.

• 1:24:18Speaker 06

  You're in a fight.

• 1:24:20Andrew Santino?

  That's the only reason to post.

• 1:24:21Speaker 06

  Someone's gone to someone's head, that's why they're posting.

• 1:24:23Andrew Santino?

  Post it.

• 1:24:23Speaker 06

  Post it.

• 1:24:24Andrew Santino?

  Why didn't you post those pictures? Why didn't you post those fucking photos? You don't post with your husband.

• 1:24:30Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:24:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because you're separate entities.

• 1:24:33Speaker 06

  LLCs.

• 1:24:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:36Speaker 06

  Also because, what's the benefit?

• 1:24:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're both in the same business, which is interesting. I mean, that's tough. Like, because you both have your own interests for your career.

• 1:24:45Speaker 06

  Mm.

• 1:24:46Andrew Santino?

  So some people want to overlap the career.

• 1:24:48Speaker 06

  Mm.

• 1:24:48Andrew Santino?

  You don't want to do that.

• 1:24:49Speaker 06

  No, and also, like, you don't want people following you because they, like, love your relationship that they see online.

• 1:24:55Andrew Santino?

  People do like to do that, that is a big...

• 1:24:57Speaker 06

  No, they do love it. Like, we'd probably get some kind of engagement and stuff, but like, it's really nice to protect.

• 1:25:05Andrew Santino?

  It's, you're your own entity. You don't need to fucking... It's not about him, it's about you, and he's... And for his world, it's about him, not about you. It's you, not him, him, not you. You, not him, and him, you.

• 1:25:16Speaker 06

  And I do feel like our relationship is healthy because we don't, like, need each other.

• 1:25:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, then you hit him.

• 1:25:21Speaker 06

  We choose each other.

• 1:25:23Andrew Santino?

  We've seen the videos.

• 1:25:24Speaker 06

  With a forehand.

• 1:25:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Yeah, oh, you don't get the yips then, do you? You'll fucking crack him clean.

• 1:25:29Speaker 06

  No, he's injured right now.

• 1:25:31Andrew Santino?

  Why? What did he do?

• 1:25:32Speaker 06

  He had another knee thing.

• 1:25:34Andrew Santino?

  What, what do you mean, like, an ACL tear?

• 1:25:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:25:36Andrew Santino?

  Doing what?

• 1:25:37Speaker 06

  Skiing.

• 1:25:38Andrew Santino?

  Okay, good. Because if you said pickleball, he's gonna fucking lose it.

• 1:25:42Speaker 06

  He did pop an Achilles with paddle, but that's European, so people respect it. Padel? Is it paddle or padel?

• 1:25:48Speaker 07

  I think they're...

• 1:25:48Speaker 06

  Some of these comics are...

• 1:25:49Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't fucking know.

• 1:25:50Speaker 06

  Some of these comics... You're like, don't fucking ask my friends!

• 1:25:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:55Speaker 07

  Paddle in Spain.

• 1:25:56Speaker 06

  I'm getting, I'm getting into paddle. Because some male comics are getting into paddle, and I'm like, I need to fucking get him to show me.

• 1:26:03Andrew Santino?

  Are people are good at it? Comics are good at it? No, you can fuck them up?

• 1:26:06Speaker 06

  No, they just have, they've been playing, they're practicing. I've heard there's some tournaments going on, I'm gonna see if I could...

• 1:26:11Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:26:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, in New York.

• 1:26:13Andrew Santino?

  Big Jay Okerson is back on Padel, huh?

• 1:26:18Speaker 06

  You gotta hit off a wall.

• 1:26:20Andrew Santino?

  Like at the beach?

• 1:26:21Speaker 06

  This is what retired people do.

• 1:26:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, this is very, very Florida. You're perfect for Florida.

• 1:26:26Speaker 06

  I'm a retired old man.

• 1:26:28Andrew Santino?

  You've got West Palm written all over you, man. Yeah, you do.

• 1:26:32Speaker 06

  But I do, I do see myself, you know, I wake up in the morning, got your tennis match.

• 1:26:36Andrew Santino?

  Go to Mar-a-Lago.

• 1:26:39Andrew Santino?

  You go to Mar-a-Lago.

• 1:26:40Speaker 06

  I don't have the plastic surgery from Mar-a-Lago.

• 1:26:42Andrew Santino?

  No, you don't. You, you would need to do the thing.

• 1:26:44Speaker 06

  I need work.

• 1:26:46Andrew Santino?

  You need work and you need like a...

• 1:26:48Speaker 06

  I'm also not, they don't let brunettes in Mar-a-Lago.

• 1:26:50Andrew Santino?

  Not anymore, no.

• 1:26:51Speaker 06

  No, unless if you're Russian.

• 1:26:54Andrew Santino?

  Then you still need to dye it at some point.

• 1:26:55Speaker 06

  You still do dye it.

• 1:26:56Andrew Santino?

  They give you a gap time, they're like, look, you've got like a, a month or two. Then we're gonna let you get away with this. I know this is experimental phase, but you gotta be blonde. Did you ever dye your hair blonde?

• 1:27:05Speaker 06

  I did, um, everyone does, every now and then. Freshman year, I cut my hair short when I went to Wisconsin, cuz I, I had like an identity crisis. I was like, I'm a cool girl, like I have to show people I'm different, so I like cut it short. Don't have the jawline for it.

• 1:27:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 1:27:21Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:27:21Andrew Santino?

  Pull your hair back.

• 1:27:22Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:27:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, it looks great.

• 1:27:25Speaker 06

  I'm a Victorian boy.

• 1:27:27Andrew Santino?

  A little bit, yeah. I see you playing with the stick with the wheel outside.

• 1:27:31Speaker 06

  Hi! Um, so, I panicked and I, I went to a student center where they were like, it's like $25 and I was like, bleach it.

• 1:27:41Andrew Santino?

  $25 to bleach your head?

• 1:27:42Speaker 06

  And the, the lady was like, we will, will not do that to your hair. And I was like, bleached my fucking hair. I sh- first time, obviously, came out insane, like, it was the kind of reaction where you're walking down a hallway and people are like triple, like, they don't recognize you.

• 1:27:57Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:27:58Speaker 06

  And it was, they'd be like, Hannah, and then I had to go back in for them to try to fix it, and then I lost my match. And my coach yelled in front of the whole team and was like, maybe if you guys stopped spending all your time fucking dying your hair, you'd win a fucking match. And everyone was mad at me.

• 1:28:14Andrew Santino?

  Who the fuck does that guy think he is?

• 1:28:15Speaker 06

  He was my coach at the time.

• 1:28:16Andrew Santino?

  You were going through something.

• 1:28:17Speaker 06

  No, I was working stuff out creatively and internally.

• 1:28:20Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 1:28:20Speaker 06

  And also, I was wearing a hat.

• 1:28:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what's the difference?

• 1:28:23Speaker 06

  If anything, it was distracting for the other player to see the blonde across the court.

• 1:28:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was strategy.

• 1:28:29Speaker 06

  So, yeah, I did go blonde, I have photos of it.

• 1:28:31Andrew Santino?

  And you, can we send him?

• 1:28:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'll send it.

• 1:28:33Andrew Santino?

  I wanna see him. By the way, what's this coach's name? I'm gonna find this fucking guy.

• 1:28:39Speaker 06

  No, but it made me stronger.

• 1:28:41Andrew Santino?

  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. This brunch has been good.

• 1:28:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, that was girly of us. Girls loves singing and a song together.

• 1:28:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, go ahead, try another one.

• 1:28:55Speaker 06

  I forgot every song.

• 1:28:58Andrew Santino?

  I forgot every song. Did you pick the music for your special, by the way?

• 1:29:03Speaker 06

  First I was afraid. I was petrified.

• 1:29:07Andrew Santino?

  So easy.

• 1:29:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, that was easy. Um. I did.

• 1:29:11Andrew Santino?

  How about this, ready? It's just one of those days.

• 1:29:17Speaker 06

  Is that Limp Bizkit?

• 1:29:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Everybody sucks!

• 1:29:21Speaker 06

  Wait, The High? That was because my little brother would listen to that shit. And I'd walk through it. He was just like playing World of Warcraft, listening to that shit.

• 1:29:28Andrew Santino?

  Get the fuck out, Hannah!

• 1:29:30Speaker 06

  Um, Three Days Grace?

• 1:29:32Andrew Santino?

  Three Days Grace?

• 1:29:33Speaker 06

  Is that what it's called?

• 1:29:36Andrew Santino?

  No idea what the fuck that is.

• 1:29:37Speaker 06

  Wow, I thought we were relating to each other for a second.

• 1:29:39Andrew Santino?

  We got it for a second, but you, well, you asked me.

• 1:29:41Speaker 06

  I hate everything about you. Why do I love you? Three Days Grace.

• 1:29:50Andrew Santino?

  Slow pushing on her while she was doing that, when we edit. Can we do that?

• 1:29:56Andrew Santino?

  Who did the music for your special? You picked it?

• 1:29:58Speaker 06

  Oh, that was some non-copera shit.

• 1:30:01Andrew Santino?

  Some what?

• 1:30:01Speaker 06

  Non-copera shit.

• 1:30:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you put some shit off the, um...

• 1:30:04Speaker 06

  I pulled some shit off some LimeWire.

• 1:30:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit.

• 1:30:06Speaker 06

  That was LimeWire.

• 1:30:07Andrew Santino?

  You Kazam that?

• 1:30:07Speaker 06

  You just, you got, yep, it's illegal.

• 1:30:11Andrew Santino?

  Either way.

• 1:30:12Speaker 06

  Did you like the, did you watch my, you didn't watch my special?

• 1:30:15Andrew Santino?

  It's not out.

• 1:30:17Speaker 06

  They didn't send you the link?

• 1:30:18Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:30:20Speaker 06

  You don't check it?

• 1:30:20Andrew Santino?

  You could have sent it to me. You have my phone number. It's like, you could have fucking sent it?

• 1:30:27Andrew Santino?

  No, they didn't send it.

• 1:30:27Speaker 06

  I actually don't have the like final link that's been going around.

• 1:30:30Andrew Santino?

  Hulu never sent, no one sent me anything. I do have Hulu blocked. I did block them.

• 1:30:34Speaker 06

  And you give them percent, I give them 20%.

• 1:30:36Andrew Santino?

  And I give them 20%.

• 1:30:37Speaker 06

  20% and they can't send a fucking link.

• 1:30:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'll say this, I haven't seen it. And I bet you it's phenomenal. And it's out right now. And it's none of my business.

• 1:30:47Speaker 06

  Did you, are you saying the music from the trailer I posted?

• 1:30:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:50Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, it just ended up working out.

• 1:30:53Andrew Santino?

  That's good.

• 1:30:53Speaker 06

  Thank, thank you. I just had them, I walk onto ASAP Rocky, um...

• 1:31:02Speaker 06

  One of his songs. Forgot.

• 1:31:04Andrew Santino?

  I like that you don't know which one.

• 1:31:05Speaker 06

  I love that this is what I walked on. Oh no, I've been walking up to 50 Cent.

• 1:31:10Andrew Santino?

  Many Men?

• 1:31:11Speaker 06

  No, not Matt Rife. He loves Matt Rife. Um, 50 Cent. Wow, I'm blanking.

• 1:31:18Andrew Santino?

  I walk up to Tears of a Clown.

• 1:31:21Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:31:21Andrew Santino?

  No. It's such a sad song.

• 1:31:24Speaker 06

  That reminds me, Jessica Kirsten is one of my favorite people.

• 1:31:27Andrew Santino?

  One of the funniest people alive.

• 1:31:28Speaker 06

  We did a show and she walked on and it was like in a arena, like it was crazy. And everyone's cheering, she just takes the mic and she goes, "This will never fulfill me. I'll never feel good about myself, the more you clap for me, the more I hate myself. This will never make me happy." And she said that for like 10 minutes and it was just brilliant. Just beautiful.

• 1:31:47Andrew Santino?

  I love her.

• 1:31:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, so 50 Cent. Um, I forget. It doesn't help when you look at me like that. Oh, that's a good one, though.

• 1:31:58Andrew Santino?

  What 50 Cent song do you?

• 1:31:59Speaker 06

  50 Cent. Um, let me see your phone.

• 1:32:03Andrew Santino?

  Give me one lyric. Do you have any lyric? Okay, here you go.

• 1:32:10Speaker 06

  Pull up.

• 1:32:10Andrew Santino?

  50 Cent.

• 1:32:12Speaker 06

  It's really good.

• 1:32:12Andrew Santino?

  Into Club?

• 1:32:13Speaker 06

  It's a really good song, no.

• 1:32:14Andrew Santino?

  Just a little bit Into Club, 21 Questions?

• 1:32:18Speaker 06

  Oh, it's P-I-M-P.

• 1:32:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god.

• 1:32:21Speaker 06

  That's what I walk up to.

• 1:32:22Andrew Santino?

  How do you not know? It's the fucking...

• 1:32:23Speaker 06

  It's the best.

• 1:32:24Andrew Santino?

  The title is the song.

• 1:32:25Speaker 06

  I don't know what you heard about me.

• 1:32:28Andrew Santino?

  But I'm a...

• 1:32:28Speaker 06

  But if you can't get a dollar out of me, I don't let no hoes you can't see. Cause I'm motherfucking, what's the word?

• 1:32:36Andrew Santino?

  P-I.

• 1:32:38Speaker 06

  That's what I walk up to.

• 1:32:39Andrew Santino?

  Peel.

• 1:32:40Speaker 06

  That's basically my show, that's the show.

• 1:32:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, people are gonna enjoy it.

• 1:32:44Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:32:44Andrew Santino?

  I hope so. Of all colors, ages, races, uh...

• 1:32:49Speaker 06

  All I care about is I loved it.

• 1:32:50Andrew Santino?

  You loved it and that's all that matters.

• 1:32:51Speaker 06

  And then I let it into the universe.

• 1:32:53Andrew Santino?

  Let it live.

• 1:32:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, and now I gotta start over and think of jokes.

• 1:32:57Andrew Santino?

  Fuck that. Are you touring a little bit or no?

• 1:33:00Speaker 06

  Um, I might do some podcast stuff. I also need to memorize like 6 lines and...

• 1:33:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, go, okay, she's gotta go to bed, cause she's gotta go to do work. Uh, Fancy's gotta go take care of his family.

• 1:33:11Speaker 06

  Work is a strong word.

• 1:33:12Andrew Santino?

  She's gotta do, uh, give 6 lines and, you know. Look it right into the camera. Hannah, don't look into the camera.

• 1:33:19Speaker 06

  What? Why don't they put a teleprompter?

• 1:33:23Andrew Santino?

  Interesting, interesting, because you're supposed to be in the moment.

• 1:33:26Speaker 06

  I could be in the moment while reading.

• 1:33:28Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're not on the news. Fucking, you're acting in a movie. I gotta tell you, you're gonna kill it tomorrow.

• 1:33:36Andrew Santino?

  Go watch Under My Business right now on Hulu. I love you.

• 1:33:40Speaker 06

  And take your girlfriend to watch it, too.

• 1:33:41Andrew Santino?

  And take your girlfriend.

• 1:33:42Speaker 06

  Or if you've never spoken to a girl before, that could help start a conversation.

• 1:33:46Andrew Santino?

  Watch it on Hulu, if you're on a date.

• 1:33:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:33:49Andrew Santino?

  Watch it on Hulu.

• 1:33:50Speaker 06

  Or your wife, or if your wife left you and you wanna like rekindle something.

• 1:33:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:55Speaker 06

  And you wanna see your kids again.

• 1:33:56Andrew Santino?

  You wanna bring her back?

• 1:33:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:33:57Andrew Santino?

  That's like the end of a Lifetime movie? Go watch it right now, it's available everywhere on Hulu.

• 1:34:03Speaker 06

  And message me, tell me your favorite joke.

• 1:34:05Andrew Santino?

  And message her, tell her your favorite joke.

• 1:34:07Speaker 06

  They can hear me, you don't have to repeat, like.

• 1:34:09Andrew Santino?

  No one can really understand you.

• 1:34:11Speaker 06

  Let him speak.

• 1:34:11Andrew Santino?

  It's hard to, it's hard to understand you.

• 1:34:14Andrew Santino?

  We end the show the same way, look into that camera, say one word or one phrase, whenever you're ready. One word or one phrase.

• 1:34:20Speaker 06

  Placebo.

• 1:34:21Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's very good. I thought you were gonna say placenta.

• 1:34:26Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You with that creature in the ginger beard? It's sturdy and ginger. Like that, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

• 1:34:44Speaker 05

  The whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:35:16Speaker 01

  Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:35:22Speaker 02

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger. Fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.

• 1:35:53Speaker 04

  The holidays sound a little different when we show up for one another. And for families facing hunger, your generosity could mean one less difficult choice. Across the Feeding America Network, your donation fulfills the promise of connecting families to nourishing food and greater stability. When you give this holiday season, you help ensure more neighbors can gather around a meal. This Thanksgiving, give at feedingamerica.org/holiday.