Make Dating Fun Again

This week, Alex is bringing the fun back to dating. She shares why first dates can start feeling like job interviews, and how to prioritize excitement and spontaneity when it comes to meeting your person. From flirting to first dates, Alex breaks down why the early dating stages can actually be the best time of your life… if you do them right.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches,

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

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• 1:30Alex Cooper?

  or the Scrub and Wipe for a scrubbing side and a sud-sing side. All three look good, scrub great, and they come with handy drain and dry stands that are super compact and cute. Hook yourself up, boost it with Bright. Shop now. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app. Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session.

• 2:15Alex Cooper?

  I am feeling really, really...

• 2:18Alex Cooper?

  Reflective heading into today's episode because fun fact tomorrow is Matt and I's two-year wedding anniversary, which means we will have been together for a total of six years, going on seven. That is like insane to say out loud. In some ways, I feel like we've been together our whole lives, but then another part of me is like still shocked that I'm married and I have a husband and I'm a wife. But as we're entering into this third year of marriage, I have been thinking a lot about the time before Matt and I ever met. Obviously, I feel so grateful and lucky to be in this phase of my life with him,

• 2:58Alex Cooper?

  but I'm also really grateful for the time that I gave myself to just be single and on my own before we ended up together. Because even though being single can, of course, be extremely stressful and disappointing at times, it can also be one of the most transformative and empowering phases of your life. And I am so happy now to be building this life with Matt, but I was really happy when I was single too. And yes, I know, like being singled and being married are two wildly different experiences. But what I really want to emphasize today is that one phase is not more meaningful or important than

• 3:42Alex Cooper?

  the other. When Matt came into my life, I was really enjoying dating. I was meeting new people. I was figuring out what I liked, getting to know myself better, was building my career. And because of that, I think Matt and I were able to take our time and not rush into anything. And I think now, looking back, that was such a huge part of why our relationship worked so well. Like, I didn't need Matt. Matt didn't need me. We were both so centered and working on ourselves that it kind of was like, if this works out, great, but like, don't really need you. And like, I'm a very independent person. And if our lives naturally come together, great, but like, kind of doesn't matter if it doesn't

• 4:24Alex Cooper?

  work out because I'm good on my own. And I think that was such a beautiful place to be in when I met Matt. And because of that, I do think that those early dating stages between us, they got to just be really fun. Like, they were low stakes and we just both got to kind of be along for the ride and just enjoy ourselves. Why I'm bringing this up is because lately, when I talk to my single friends, or when I'm reading DMs that you guys are sending me for questions of the week, I feel like the experience that I got to have when I was single is very different from the experience of dating and trying to find your person in 2026. And weirdly, like, I know it wasn't that long ago that I was single, like, seven-ish years ago, but a lot continues to change with social media.

• 5:10Alex Cooper?

  And listen, I know it's like not exactly a hot take to say that dating apps have completely changed the way that we meet people, but for better or worse, they have taken a lot of the curiosity and the spontaneity out of the process of meeting someone new. There's obviously so many positives of dating apps, but that is one of the cons, right? And I can totally see how people might feel like the only option in today's dating culture is to meet your person on an app. But I also know that when you're single and your mentality is in that headspace where you're like, oh, I don't really want to be single anymore. Like, I just want to find a partner.

• 5:53Alex Cooper?

  Like, I don't want to be going out to clubs and drinking and going to the bars and all of that. Like, it's almost like you go on that drinks and you're like really hoping it's gonna be amazing, and then it's like, eh. And then, like, you go on the second date, because you're like, come on, like, maybe there's like something I missed. Like, maybe he is better on the second date than the first. Then you're like, oh, my God, this is worse than the first date. And then you end up ghosting each other. And like, then the worst part, you're like, I have to start all over again because I just spent so much time in the apps. And then I got out of the apps and we started texting, and then I met him on the date, and it was horrible. And now I'm back to the apps. Like, that whole process, I do want to acknowledge, can make you feel a little numb. It's just the truth. You start to become numb to dating.

• 6:34Alex Cooper?

  And if you're anything like a lot of my single friends, then you're probably also at a place where, like, you know exactly what you're looking for. Your standards are probably really high, you've done a lot of work on yourself, but every date you go on just feels like another disappointing job interview, another waste of time. And I think when dates start to feel like this chore that you have to check off your list, I think that we really then start to strip ourselves from the potential to actually have a lot of fun in the process of getting to know someone and being single and dating. And so, I am here today, Daddy Gang. To try to bring a little fun back for you. Okay, we're gonna try to make dating feel

• 7:18Alex Cooper?

  fun again. And that is my mission for today's episode. If you have been feeling hopeless or overwhelmed with your dating life, then this episode is for you. I have not forgotten my single, girls. Let's get into it.

• 7:46Alex Cooper?

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• 8:27Alex Cooper?

  with My Mochi. And when you give me that, plus a good chocolate, I'm gonna have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm gonna pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of My Mochi Ice Cream. Look for the green and brown box of My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, okay, I need to talk about this in therapy. Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them. But recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first

• 9:08Alex Cooper?

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• 9:51Alex Cooper?

  So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy Gang, you know, I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all? But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere from Google to YouTube to the shop app.

• 10:34Alex Cooper?

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• 11:19Alex Cooper?

  The whole point of any romantic experience, whether it's a first date or a 50 year marriage, is that it's supposed to make us feel good, right? Like, why do any of us want to partner at all? Why do we deal with the ups and the downs of relationships? It's because. At their core, they're supposed to make our lives more enjoyable than they would be just being on our own, right? And if you're single today, that means that all of the best relationship milestones are still ahead of you. The first sleepover, the big first I love yous, the first trips together, like all of it, meeting the parents, meeting the friends. Like, there are so many firsts ahead of you that I promise you, your friends and long-term

• 12:02Alex Cooper?

  relationships are probably jealous that you still get to look forward to. Like, if I could rewind and relive some of the early dates that Matt and I went on and some of those early moments, like, I would, because you can't recreate that feeling, right? The early dating stages can be truly the best time of your life if you do them right. And yes, I obviously know that dating intentionally means you probably feel the pressure and the timelines and expectations that I am not ignorant to, but I also know that, like, anything in life, when you get so fixated on the outcome, it can completely negate the enjoyment that we get to feel along the way. We're putting too much pressure on ourselves.

• 12:46Alex Cooper?

  And so I think it's time to lean back into those, you know, the warm, easy, middle school feelings, when all it took to make your entire day was just like your crush complimenting your ugly gaucho's and being like, damn, Becca, you looking good in those. And you're like, rolling your windows down, blasting, what is the song, like, Suddenly I See, and you're like, ay, oh, things are turning around. Like, you're so happy. I think that's the energy we need to start to channel, being in this year if you are single. We are going to, that is what we're gonna do. So, I wanna start. At the very beginning, you're like, what do you mean we're starting at the beginning?

• 13:31Alex Cooper?

  I'm not abandoning you guys. Like, we're getting into the weeds here today. Okay? So we are gonna start with flirting. I'm not gonna teach you how to fucking flirt today. You all know how to flirt. But I think, in my opinion, as a society, we are losing the art of flirting, and I refuse to let that happen. Okay? Flirting has turned into story likes, fire emojis, swiping right, maybe a DM if we're getting a little crazy. No. Okay? In person, somehow flirting has become a rare art form. I literally was reading, please, guys, let me read this to you.

• 14:10Alex Cooper?

  A recent study at Date Psychology found that 45% of men ages 18 to 25 have never approached a woman in person for a date.

• 14:28Alex Cooper?

  I just like, I don't understand. What? What? Like, I remember stories, like my mom being like, oh my god, your dad would like call my home phone, and like, my parents would pick up being like, hi, who are you calling for? Like, you, like, you had to call home phones, okay, to like, get your date, and like, the, like, this, like, people would be there and listening, and like, the, ah, you have to like, go to their house, like, knock on the door, bring the boombox. Meanwhile, it's like, double winky face, sexy. Oh, you're so fucking done. You're so fucking done. I think this is what we're gonna have to do. Listen, we could do a whole episode on how depressing it is, and how men have just like shriveled up to like, almost nothingness, right?

• 15:13Alex Cooper?

  That can be another episode. But that's not for today. We're trying to stay fucking positive here. So if the men are going to be annoying losers, we need to take matters into our own hands. Okay? I remember back when I was single, I used to go up to seriously like any guy that my friends or I thought was hot at the bar, and I would just start flirting with him. And listen, yes, sometimes it didn't go exactly Exactly as I planned, but like there were so many instances where I immediately walked right back to my friend group and I was like, okay, that, that, he's not the vibe. He looked hot, but he's actually a fucking loser. Onto the next, but like, who cares? If you go up and

• 15:52Alex Cooper?

  you got rejected, who cares? Like, I, let me just tell you this story. Okay. Take me back to Brahman. Oh my God, I wonder if it's still open. Okay. We're in like 2016. The year is 2016. I am in college and I am at a bar in the peak of winter with a bunch of my girlfriends on the soccer team. And we are in tiny little body con dresses with thick heels and we have like shawls on, like we don't even have fucking coats because we're like, I can't afford to lose my fucking coat because like I can't pay for another coat. So you just freeze your ass off in line. Okay. We get inside of Brahman and it is just heaven. There's men everywhere and all of us are like

• 16:37Alex Cooper?

  giddy. We're like, who should we go up to? Like, who should we like try to like make friends with and make out with and get guys to buy us drinks? And all of a sudden, and this is like kind of never happened to me in my life, but all of my friends and I see this man across the bar and it literally felt like there was like a shimmering light above his head. It was like a movie moment. We were all like genuinely, that is one of the hottest men I've ever seen. He had like kind of longish hair with like a beard and he had like big muscles, but he was like wearing like a beanie and like he had a suit on and I was like, he's either like a surgeon or an athlete. Like I can't tell which one, like he either just like finished a game or like finished open heart surgery, either one, let's bang. And so all my friends are like, that's literally

• 17:21Alex Cooper?

  the hottest guy. And everyone's like, who's going to go up to him? Who's going to go up to him? Like someone has to go up to him. Like what if he has friends? What if it's a connection? And we're all sitting there and all of my friends are like, no, like we're too young, like we're just like fucking losers in college. Like don't, I'm not even, and I just leave my friends because we don't have time to worry what people are going to think about us. I go up to the bartender. I say, do you have a pen? She's like, bitch, do you want a tequila shot? I'm like, a pen, honey. I get a pen. I take this napkin. I write my number and my, a fake name. Because at the time, I was thinking that every single person was an underage cop. That was like a little trigger of mine because I was obviously underage. I was like, ooh, like, don't want to like, fully give my name. Because if they ask for my ID, my name was Catherine. I had my sister's ID.

• 18:06Alex Cooper?

  It's a whole thing, whatever. So my name was Catherine. I'm at the bar, do, do, do. I write Catherine, I write my number. I go up to this man, I just beeline it. He's under his glimmering light, looking sexy. Oh, so gorgeous, let's fuck. And I say to him, hi. And he looks at me like, who is this girl? And I go, I just want to let you know. And I just like, would kick myself if I didn't say this. I just saw you from across the bar and you're so fucking hot. And I need to introduce myself. No pressure. Here you go. Call me. I start walking away. He grabs my arm. Oh, yeah. If you haven't had a hookup, just close your eyes, sit back, relax. And just let this one pretend it's you, okay? He grabs my arm. I turn around.

• 18:49Alex Cooper?

  This man is looking at me, goes, what are you doing? You can't open with that and then just walk away from me. I'm like, oh, oh my God.

• 19:00Alex Cooper?

  Oh, so excited it's working. He's like, what's your name? I'm like, Catherine. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna have to fix that later if this ends up going anywhere. We start flirting. Oh my God, are you here with friends? Yeah, ooh, my five girls over there in the corner. We turned, they're all like, pretending to not be staring at us, slurping their drinks. I'm like, are you here with any friends? He's like, yeah, my two boys. I'm like, oh, what do you do? He's like, we just got back from our game. I'm like,

• 19:27Alex Cooper?

  I was like an athlete hunter back then. It's since obviously passed, but back then. Oh, I could get a rush. I could get a rush. It didn't matter really what you did. If you threw the ball, if you caught the ball, if you hit the ball, anything with the ball, I was in. And this happened to be a puck, okay? Oh, you guys know what I felt for hockey players back in the day, those butts? And so I then am like, oh my God, do you want to come meet my friends? Great, boom, done. His professional hockey player friends come over, buy all of my friends drinks at Brahman. We hang out, I get his number, he gets my number, we exchange, we text, we're good to go. And then I have a date with him. Then I obviously can spare you the details of then when I showed up and he was like, continued to call me Catherine.

• 20:11Alex Cooper?

  And I awkwardly had to tell him like, I'm not 21 years old. He still was interested in me. Is that weird? Maybe, but we'll get into that later. Anyways, the point is, okay? Shots, drinks, athletes, fun, men, dicks, vaginas. Everyone was happy that night because I was like, if this man rejects me, who cares? Who fucking cares if this man rejects me? Because I went up to a couple of other guys at the bar, realized they were freaks and kept it fucking moving. But this man ended up giving my friends and I plans. And although it didn't work out with him, we only had a couple of dates. Still was so fun, still made me feel alive, still got me a little ooh down there.

• 20:53Alex Cooper?

  So I think the moral of the story is I could have given a napkin to 15 guys that night and been rejected by 14. But that is okay. It just takes one. Oh my God, what is that fucking quote from Cinderella story? Like something of like, don't let the shot keep you from playing the game or so. I don't, that's not the quote, but you guys know what I'm talking about. Don't stop yourselves from believing in yourselves that who cares if you embarrass yourself? It's embarrassing for them to be so socially awkward that they can't like engage in a conversation with you and not be a fucking dick. Right? You know what I mean? I know you're all looking good, you're feeling good. Go for it, daddy gang. And when it does click with someone and you go up and you flirt with a guy, let me just tell you, and he flirts back and you just like allow

• 21:37Alex Cooper?

  like that chemistry to flow and the banter is bantering, you're touching his arm, he's touching your arm, buying you drinks, you're getting his number. It is so much fucking fun. Like that thrill in your body, you're like, I am on fire. I'm on fire. Like even if nothing comes after that night, it's also just so much for you, right? Like that energy of like giving yourself confidence of like, oh my God, I can totally do this. And the only thing between you and having that moment with a hot guy at the bar is just one, getting over the fear of rejection, two, getting the fuck out of your house, and three, getting off of your phone and actually being down to like go up to someone and be like, if they reject me, it's fine, but I'm gonna just go for it. Okay. Okay. Are you with me?

• 22:22Alex Cooper?

  Are you gonna think about me and Brahman with the man under the sun? Okay. Guys, I also know it's like a lot easier said than done. And also like weirdly, why did I have so much confidence in college? But like, I get it. Like now, when you're out of college, it's like you overthink things. I get it. Um, but I do think we need to start just like if you have wherever you were your highest peak in confidence, get back to that stage. I found an article. Okay, guys, we are, we're not only talking about dicks over here. We're educating the masses here on Call Her Daddy, and don't you ever fucking forget it. I found an article on NPR called "The Key of Flirting:

• 23:00Alex Cooper?

  It's Not About You" by Andrew, Andrew Limbong and Andy Tagle. I want to share their advice. Okay, let's read this. "One way to ease the fear of rejection is to view flirting as being more about the other person than about you. We get a much better result if, instead of trying to get others to make us feel good, we actually concentrate on making them feel good. This takes care of lingering self doubt that actually presents itself as questions such as, what if they don't like me? A lot of flirting is driven by a focus on the end game, maybe trying to get someone's number or buying someone a drink. This goal oriented way of viewing flirting isn't

• 23:43Alex Cooper?

  that helpful, but we're so used to flirting as a means to an end to the relationship escalator, which is the idea that you date someone, enter into a relationship, get married, have kids, live happily ever after, etc. But if you remove that goal, you'll hopefully instead just..." Be looking to create a mutually pleasant experience. Instead of any preconceived goals, aim for a few minutes of pleasant conversation. That's much more manageable and can help ease the pressure of any possible rejection. If all you're hoping to do is make someone else feel special for a bit, you really realize you actually can't lose. Open with a question, then test and assess how they're reacting to you. Remember that flirting isn't about hitting any preconceived target

• 24:27Alex Cooper?

  other than helping someone else have a good time. Okay. I agree and disagree with this article. Like, I don't want you guys going in there being like,

• 24:37Alex Cooper?

  Todd, tell me everything. Oh my God, Todd, that's amazing. Okay, wait, Todd, tell me more. Like, and you're like, okay, I literally just had the worst fucking day of my life. But I, I agree in the sense of like, stop getting in your own head, like, just try to connect with the person. And what I love about that advice is that it completely takes the pressure off of this big moment with someone. Like, maybe they flirt with you, or maybe they don't. But it doesn't actually matter if you reframe the interaction as just being about having a nice conversation. Like, shift the flirting mentality from worrying like, do they like me? Do they think I'm hot? Are they having a good time? Like, that is going to be such a game changer for your headspace when you are approaching someone. Rejection is going to happen. It is inevitable.

• 25:22Alex Cooper?

  It comes with the territory. But like, everything in dating, that's just a numbers game, okay? You also never know what's going on in a person's head. And rejection usually isn't even about you. Like, you have to keep in mind, maybe this guy is out drinking because his fucking dog just died and he's really sad. So you hitting on him, being like, come here often? He's gonna be like, no, but my fucking dog said in his head, but he's not gonna say that. And then he's just gonna be a dick to you, okay? That's the reason he was dick, but you would never know that. Like, if the person you go talk to isn't into it, then just move along to the next. Like, all you're looking for here is just like a fun chat. And if someone can't provide that, then goodbye to them. We're moving on to the next. Okay?

• 26:07Alex Cooper?

  Let's just have fun, no stakes, no nothing. Like, enjoy yourself. What a concept. Let's start there. Because clearly, we are, we are bare fucking minimum right now, guys. These men are giving us nothing. And if you're like, Alex, no, that is, it's just too scary. Like, I just, you know, I wanna sit in the corner and like, wait for a man to come up to me. Then maybe let's start with a lower stakes situation, okay? I want you to just start by engaging with other normal human beings everywhere you go. I understand, again, this is like, what do you fucking mean, Alex? Like, of course I interact with human beings on a daily basis. Do you, though? Like, I'm not saying I want you guys out there flirting with everyone in the world.

• 26:52Alex Cooper?

  I just mean truly practicing being more open in the mundane daily moments of your life. When's the last time you complimented someone in line at the coffee shop? When's the last time you struck up a conversation with your coworker in the kitchen? Okay? While they're toasting their bagel? Chat with the person sitting next to you on the airplane. Okay, I already regret skipping that example. Not for too long, okay? Read the fucking room. Chat to them before takeoff and then shut the fuck up. Because it's my worst nightmare if someone's trying to talk to me while I'm on a plane. I'm like, oh, you're gonna be chatty today? Headphones on, shut the fuck up. But you know what I mean? Like, I'm saying that you need to build up that social muscle when you're in situations with zero stakes so that when you meet someone you're actually interested in,

• 27:36Alex Cooper?

  it's not as intimidating to get the ball rolling. And let me be so clear. I know this sounds maybe so fucking stupid and simple, but I promise you, it's not at this point because social skills have become something that we do need to practice at this day and age. Okay? Social media has completely taken over all of our brains, all of our world. We literally sit there and scroll and we feel like we know people and we feel like we understand people and we're like, oh, I know her, oh, I follow her. You don't know any of these people. Even if it's your friend. No, did you call her? Have you texted her in a while? If not, you don't know any of these people. And you're just like playing a video game, okay? I feel like we used to be able to actually talk to a wall. I guess I am still sitting here alone, talking to a wall right now.

• 28:21Alex Cooper?

  But do you guys know what I mean? Like, I feel like I could, back in the day, make small talk with anyone. But even now, I realize, like, I'm out in the world sometimes and I'm like... Oh my God, am I being awkward? Like I'm having like weird, like is that a weird interaction? Cause I'm on my fucking phone all the time. Like even just with a barista or something like I find myself being so in moments awkward and I'm like, Alex, I need to put my phone away. I need to stop being obsessed with social media and watching everyone's lives. Like touch grass or I don't know, go talk to someone face to face. Okay. Like close enough that you can see the pores in their face. I just think technology has changed the way that we interact with the world around us and it's, it's not our fault because that's just what's happening around us, but it is then truly on us to

• 29:06Alex Cooper?

  retrain our brains of how to engage with someone face to face, especially when it comes to dating. And I know it sucks. Trust me. Like I'm so jealous of my parents. I'm like the way that your generation had it, like the romance and the build and the in-person meetings and the, oh, oh, oh, yeah, take me back to the notebook days. Like their biggest problem was like they couldn't get in touch with each other. Oh, ooh, little mystery, a little ooh, like it's not even ghosting. It's just distance. Oh, like yeah, yeah. And now it's like we're on Snapchat talking to each other. We're in Snapchat, but we'll

• 29:49Alex Cooper?

  never meet up. We're just gonna Snapchat until this whole thing fucking lingers and then dies out. No, if you are messaging a man on Snapchat, knock it off. We're done. We're fucking done. Okay. I think it's just helpful to work on that social muscle so that you're ready when there is someone that you're actually interested in. You're like, oh my God, here we fucking go. So let's say you do meet someone in person. Let's, let's start there. Okay. What a concept. We meet someone that we actually like and they're not a complete loser and they're not a complete psychopath. Then you're able to strike up conversation with them and it feels like things are going well from there, right? Classic flirting, boom, like we're ready. But remember, if someone cannot hold a fun conversation,

• 30:33Alex Cooper?

  that is not a reflection of you as a person. And when it clicks and the vibes are there, try not to worry so much if you're being funny enough or if you're being cute enough, if you're being hot enough. Like, the fun of it is just being, just be present in the moment, be your fucking self, okay? So now we're leaving our cages, we're leaving our dungeons, we're seeing the sunlight, we're meeting men, we're out there, okay? The next stage that I want us to discuss is the one that is inevitable. It is important to something that I know a lot of you may absolutely dread, but I promise it has the potential to be a night you will never forget. Let's get into a first date.

• 31:24Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, I am well into my third trimester now, so I haven't really been able to travel because I need to stay close to my doctor. But spending all this time at home has made me start thinking about all the places that I want to go once the baby is here. I have literally been sitting on my couch with the TV on, scrolling through Airbnb and planning trips. I am nowhere ready to take yet, but suddenly my vacation priorities, I will say, are completely different. Like, does the house have enough bedrooms? Is there a big kitchen? Does the furniture look baby safe? Or is every table covered in, you know, sharp corners? And obviously, we need an extra room for my mom, who has already made it very clear

• 32:09Alex Cooper?

  that she will not be leaving my side. She's like, "I got you, I'm the babysitter, okay?" And now that it is October... I'm picturing cooler weather, cozy sweaters. Oh my God, maybe a little cottage where we can escape for a little weekend. That's what I love about booking a home on Airbnb. Whether you're traveling with family, friends, or your partner, everyone has space to relax while still being together. Even if you're traveling for a concert or a game, you have one place where everyone can get together and convene after. Before the holiday season gets busy, treat yourself to one more fall getaway and check out Airbnb while you're planning it. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules.

• 32:54Alex Cooper?

  Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit s n h u dot edu slash call her daddy to learn more. I get why first dates might be so hard to look forward to. It's a whole thing. You're like, I gotta get ready. I have to leave my house again. To all of us trolls, no, no, no. This is a good thing that we're being forced to leave our house. But you don't know if you're gonna click with this person, right? It could be awkward. Like, you're just like, oh, my God, I'm kind of like meeting a stranger. And like, I don't want this to be a total waste of time. Great, okay.

• 33:38Alex Cooper?

  But if you're going into a first date with the energy of, uh, here we go again. Like, I just gotta get through this. Then that headspace is going to completely affect the entire date experience. So fake it, okay? It's probably gonna be a lot harder to vibe with someone when you're approaching, meeting them, where you're like, this is a task that I have to get through, and I'm already thinking that you're gonna be worse than the last. So let's just get this over with so I can tell my friends I went on a fucking date. No. Instead, ladies and gentlemen, I wanna reintroduce, like, romanticizing your fucking life, okay? You need to be romanticizing and enjoying every element of a first date experience, starting before you even leave the house. When you are getting ready, let's turn on one of our favorite songs.

• 34:22Alex Cooper?

  Let's catch up on some shows we haven't watched. FaceTime a friend, okay? Take that long everything shower that makes you feel oh so amazing that you had to do regardless of the date. Okay. Blow out your hair, put in an outfit you haven't had a chance to wear yet. Try on your new lip combo. Do everything you need to do to feel your absolute best. A first date is an important opportunity to like, take a boring, normal weeknight, turn it into something to actually look forward to. Okay. A random Tuesday in your cubicle is a lot less terrible when you know that the night is going to end with you potentially just looking so, well, you're gonna look, there's no potential, you're gonna look gorgeous and you're gonna potentially meet someone new.

• 35:02Alex Cooper?

  Okay. It's good to have a different experience than you usually would, just like sitting at home, we're watching Hulu or Netflix again. And here we go. Episode 457 of Grey's and Add Me. Trust me, girl, I love a good Grey's. But we can pause, we can pause for one night of the week. I also know it can often feel like, okay, fuck, I'm getting ready for nothing. Okay. I don't want to spend, I don't want to put my expensive foundation on this gorgeous skin for a man that isn't shit. I don't want to waste it. Okay. I don't want to end up crying in the bathroom and crying all my gorgeous makeup off because oh, what the fuck? I don't want to waste a night. I don't want to waste a night. Is it worth it? Because Nicholas last week talked to me about his obsession with toenails.

• 35:46Alex Cooper?

  And I was like, I'm never going another date again. And then the guy before Frank Quad, he literally was talking about, he like, likes like mommy daughter porn. Like, I'm not, I'm not feeling it. And I so get that Nicholas and Farquad, like Farquad, Frogquad, whatever. Frogger and Nicholas, they don't exist. They were losers, but there could be a good one tonight. And so you have to just go with that mentality, even if you're lying, lie to yourself. You can lie to yourself and just get yourself through it because here's what I will say. When you put makeup on and you put your outfit on, you feel good, you're not going to just waste it on a date. Okay. Because we're gonna, we're gonna build a shield around that. When I used to go on first dates, I'd be like,

• 36:32Alex Cooper?

  I've never been more gorgeous. Okay, this outfit, slay. I am worthy of someone noticing me tonight, even if it's not the fucking day I'm going with. And so what I would do is I would always plan a drinks before my drinks with the person I was gonna meet up with. I would go meet a friend. So I'm like, even if I just went out with a girlfriend and then have a shit date later, doesn't matter. I got to see my friend. So plan something. Or if like you know your friends are going out later, you're not wasting your outfit. Try to have things around. Also, get a fucking selfie. Okay, do a little pregame. Okay. Get a catch up drink with a friend over your FaceTime. Like, I don't care. Don't just be like, I'm just going on a date and if it doesn't work out, I'm gonna rip my extensions out in the fucking cab on my way home. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna rip my eyelashes off. I'm gonna put them on the cab

• 37:16Alex Cooper?

  door and I'm gonna go upstairs and I'm gonna watch The Notebook and cry my eyes out being like, why don't I have a Noah? No. We have a full calendar when we have nights of a date. Do you understand what I'm saying? You're setting yourself up for success. So when it comes to a first date, I've obviously been out of the first date game for a little bit. So I, when I was preparing for this episode, I did a deep dive on TikTok to see what advice people were sharing for first dates. And you guys, I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I was shocked. I was disgusted. I was like, no wonder people hate fucking dating right now. Like, I came across video after video of rules of what you should do and you should not be doing on a first

• 38:00Alex Cooper?

  date. And I fear we have completely lost the plot on what it actually means to be seeking a connection with someone. Because, look, I know these rules are coming from a good place. Like, people don't want to be wasting their time and everyone is looking for ways to optimize the experience of meeting someone. But in my opinion, the rules are where the fun parts of the first date go to absolutely die. We have to find some nuance and balance here. I am going to tell you the top four rules that I kept seeing over and over and over. And then I need to discuss and tell you why I disagree with almost every single one of them. Okay. Number one, they said was to go to the same place for every first date so you can eliminate any external variables.

• 38:42Alex Cooper?

  Okay, we'll get to that. Number two is to never get any food on a first date. Only get drinks. Okay, we'll get to that. Number three is to set a two hour time limit for a first date.

• 38:55Alex Cooper?

  And number four is to never kiss them at the end of a first date.

• 39:02Alex Cooper?

  Okay, well, um, here's, here's, here's what I have to say to that. No wonder dating feels like a fucking chore. We're stripping out all the excitement and the joy when we start over analyzing and strategizing to that extent. Let's start with the first rule, which is go to the same place every time you go on a date. Okay, I understand the idea of being like, I know the place and like, I know the lighting and I, I know where the bathroom is and I know the parking situation and like, I know exactly what to order, like, you're just trying to be fully comfortable, I get that. But doing this, I think that completely eliminates the opportunity to use a first date as one, trying something new.

• 39:43Alex Cooper?

  Think about it, you have a whole night blocked off with someone who is potentially willing to do whatever you suggest, right? Or also potentially a horrible fucking first date, so you might as well get something out of it and like, at least go try the new fucking Thai place down the street, okay? You're like, this guy is so, this, oh my god, he's so fucking boring, but like, god damn, this Thai shit is good, or like, mini golf thing, and then you can whack him in the fucking face with the ball, like, there's options for mobility here, if the date is going horribly, at least there, you're trying the cool new bar down the place that you can, fine, scout out for your next date and then go there one more time, but like, use the first date as a way to try something you normally wouldn't do on your own, and then how about it, oh

• 40:25Alex Cooper?

  my god, so cool, if he ends up actually being fucking normal and not a miserable fuck. That way, yes, the date can go horrible and you never can see that person again, but you're like, got it, I actually just had a good time. In my opinion, the unknown elements of a first date are part of the fun, guys, like, you need to stimulate all of your senses to get that sense of excitement, you're seeing new things, you're smelling new foods, you're trying new drinks, do not go to the same fucking place every time you're going on a date, it is going to feel like you're back in your cubicle and you're like, bring the next one in, Marty, and it's like, oh my god, oh my god, no, then you're like, not even, you're not even having to get anxious for it, you're like, Barb, bring me to the back table, bring him in, it's like, what do you mean? What do you mean? No.

• 41:10Alex Cooper?

  You can, you can go to the same place twice, maybe if you're, if you got a roster like, fine, go twice, but other than that, switch it up for your own sanity, babe. Okay. Also, I think that like new spots can just like help you get out of your head a bit like, get, get the fuck out. Like, we're not going to fucking Frank's diner every single fucking time. Like, I get it. You like to go to Denny's. Go to Denny's with your fucking family every Sunday. Don't do it every fucking time you're going on a date. Number two, which is just get drinks, never dinner. Um, let me just say something and I have to reiterate again. The whole point is to have fun on a date. Okay. Eating is fun. Don't let the internet tell you otherwise. Trying new foods, going to new restaurants is fun. Why are we denying ourselves one of the best parts of the experience?

• 41:55Alex Cooper?

  If some of you are going to say, because I don't want to get stuck there, like, I, like, I don't want to like, you know, I don't want to eat in front of this person. What if I got stuff in my teeth? Well, if he doesn't like you with a little bit of fucking spinach in your upper right tooth, babe, he's not gonna fucking like you when he's splooges all over your face.

• 42:12Alex Cooper?

  Ignore me. You know what I mean? They need to see you in your best and your worst. Okay? So eat in front of this man if you're fucking hungry. Now, if it just happens to be drinks, it happens to be drinks, but don't be like gunning for the drinks. He's like, do you want to order some appetizers? You're like, no, TikTok told me that I can only drink on a date. Like, no, no. Is this man gonna never see you eat in the entire course of your relationship? No. Why are we not letting ourselves do it when the stakes are the absolute fucking lowest? Now, I think people could assume like, you just don't want to be trapped on the date. You know, food makes it linger a little bit longer. Then again, why are we going on a first date with the mentality of just getting in and out? That's not the mindset of someone looking to having an amazing night.

• 42:53Alex Cooper?

  And also, I have up and left at appetizers, babe. Okay, I have, I have up and left. If you are having that calamari and he is saying ruthless shit, you get up, you slurp your Shirley Temple down and you get the fuck out of there. You don't need to stay. Food doesn't mean, babe, you're locked in, handcuffs on, seated, three hours, full course, let's make it to the Sunday. You don't have to do that. You can leave. Free will, free fucking will. Um, which leads me to number three, okay? Setting a two hour time limit for the date, uh, literally why? Especially if you're having a good time with someone, you're like, clocked it, gotta go. He's like, wait, why? I thought we were having fun. You're like, it hit that two hour limit.

• 43:35Alex Cooper?

  Got a buggy. Like, no. One of my best friends just became official with her boyfriend. And their first date was supposed to be just like grabbing drinks and then it turned into a full night bar crawl. They literally hit a ton of different spots all around the town. They were like boom, boom, boom. Now they're dating. Oh my God, guess how long that date was? Basically fucking five hours. Oh my God, look, it worked out. Tik Tok. Good things come when you let yourself enjoy them. Allow yourself to just be a little bit more open and not be these strict guidelines. Boom, boom, boom. I get it if you're like wanting to keep a little bit of like the mystery and you're just sitting at dinner and you're like, all right, we need to like wrap this up just because it's like, we shouldn't go on hour four, we shouldn't go on hour three, like having the two hour window of like feeling comfortable to leave after a normal amount of time.

• 44:19Alex Cooper?

  Yes, but don't, don't be like setting your alarm. And the alarm goes off and you're like, that's time, Jim. I'll be in touch. Like, I swear to God. I swear to God, daddy gang, do not set a fucking alarm on your date. Um, this takes me to rule. Number four, I think it was number four, and this makes me the most annoyed, the most annoyed. And maybe I was just a little whore, you know, but I do believe I had it right on this one. When people on Tik Tok are saying, no kissing, no kissing on a first date. No, I completely disagree with you. I completely, how about this? Also, no, no kissing on a first date. Well, sometimes I fucked them on the first date. How about that one, Tik Tok?

• 45:04Alex Cooper?

  Um, how about I let him eat me out on the first date and I married him? No, just kidding. He didn't eat me out. That was like the second time. But okay, listen. If you are gonna say to yourself in the mirror before you go on that first date, baby, you will not accept a kiss. You will not even accept a hug. What are we doing? What are we doing? Like you're skipping the most fun and romantic and magical part of having a great date with someone like, like get in there. Like if a first kiss feels right, it feels right. The first kiss at the end of the day is seriously what they write movies about and songs and books. Okay. And what I dream about, because it's one of the most exciting romantic human experiences that you can possibly have. You do not need to be denying yourself pleasure to prove some arbitrary point. You'd be like, did you kiss him? You're like, mm, mm. They're like, good girl, good girl.

• 45:50Alex Cooper?

  Get your fucking lips in there, both if you want. Let me tell you a story. Um, I've told this story many times. I'll make it quick. Matt and I, I went in there not knowing who this man is. I'm like, oh, this Hollywood man, movie producer, what's he gonna be about? Slowly fell in love first night. I was like, oh my God, I want to fuck this man. Unfortunately, my sister was staying with me in the same hotel room. So like, I probably would have let him upstairs into my legs, but like I didn't because my sister was up there, but I ca- I came across like I wasn't willing to give it up on the first date. Whatever. The point is, is I went to the bathroom, we're leaving, we're going to the car after our full, long two plus hour date, may I add, and he texts me to come to the back of the restaurant to go the back way.

• 46:31Alex Cooper?

  And I walked down the long alley and I see him under the little light in the back. And he grabs my face and he pushes me up against the wall in the back of the parking lot. And he starts making out with my face and I came in my pants. I was like, this is, this is what dreams, this is what dreams are made of. I come to LA, I meet this man, he grabs me by the back of my neck, puts his hands on my hips, puts his tongue down my throat, puts me in his car and is like, where to next? Yeah, fuck me. Like that, even if I never saw Matt again, I've had so many dates where like I had great first date kisses. And I was like, oh my God, I'm never calling you, but oh, who doesn't love a make out?

• 47:13Alex Cooper?

  Like make outs are so fun. Okay. And so kiss them the first date, fucking sleep with them the first night. Like, I don't care. You have to go based on what feels good to your body and what feels right to you. And so if you have some fucking friends that are prudes that are like, you should never kiss on the first date. You're gonna give them the wrong impression and they're just gonna think you're a whore. Okay, maybe for you, Cassandra, but I'm about to let him in my back door on that.

• 47:42Alex Cooper?

  You don't have to do anal on the night too, but you could. Whatever feels right. You have to be at your core centered with what feels right to you and your body and what you want to do. And if you want to fuck or you want to make out, or how about this? If you don't want to kiss on the first date and that is your MO, great. But don't just be like Googling like, what to do on first date? No kissing, got it, check, no. If a man is gonna treat you like a piece of shit and isn't gonna call you, he's not gonna treat you like a piece of shit just because you fucked him or made out with him on the first night. A man knows, okay? And guess what? Stop giving all the man the power and so should you. Maybe make out with him so you stop wasting your time.

• 48:26Alex Cooper?

  What if little Robbie has got a fucking tonger that hits the back of your esophagus? And you hate the way he makes out? Or what if like small lip Sammy is like barely gets a little tongue in there? And you're like, I can't even fucking find, we're just hitting teeth. You're probably not gonna want to fuck Sammy. But good to know that you got it done on the first date. We're maximizing our time, people. You want to not have a two hour date? I'd rather have a four hour date, a quick make out. No, he's not the one, never see him again. So I can then optimize my time to not have a second date with small lip Sammy.

• 49:03Alex Cooper?

  That's how we have to be thinking, okay? We have to be thinking this way. Your friends and long-term relationships? I would be begging, I would be begging to relive that night with Matt. Oh, push me up against the wall. Sometimes they do, let's pretend it's our first date, okay? You have the power. You as a single woman have the power to be completely having these romantic nights. And guess what? Even if he's not that romantic, make it fucking romantic for yourself. Literally believe that it was romantic and then don't call him. Who cares? Get a make out, get a make out. Okay, I'm sure you have like six guys on Hinge right now and that would be willing to take you out next week. And so I think that you should embrace it and I think you should just start taking them all down. Not like that, but you know what I mean? Just start trying, start trying.

• 49:49Alex Cooper?

  So first dates, I think it's a win. I think it's a try new places, enjoy the food. And let me say this, something that I think is so underrated when it comes to getting yourself out there and enjoying yourself and dating is like.

• 50:04Alex Cooper?

  I love being married. I love being in a committed relationship. I love Matt. Put that aside. That's not fun to talk about. When I think back to some of the biggest, funnest nights of my life, it was living in New York City. It was going on crazy dates with men and it was like me just being in this like reckless time in my life. And so I do think that something you need to think about when you are in the dating world is like, do it for the plot is not actually that dumb of a statement. Okay? I know it's overused, but like, when I look back, so much of my fun nights, even if they did end in tears or heartbreak or whatever, that's the shit I remember now, sitting here in my 30s as a married woman, like, what I would give to like, quickly live one of those

• 50:49Alex Cooper?

  nights. Well, I don't know, because like, my back hurts and like, I don't want to go to the club and sit. But like, I like to like, relive it in my head. You know what I mean? Like, you're in that stage right now where you're like, going to the club and you're going to the bar and you're meeting the guy, or you're done with the clubs and you're like, going to the dinners and you're getting wine and dine. Even if it's a disaster of a fucking story, the way that you are going to look back on these life experiences that were so wild, these men that you met, these women that you met that are, you're just like, how was this my life? I'm telling you guys, don't hold yourself back from those opportunities because one day, when you do find your partner and if you want kids one day, and the stories you're gonna have and the life that you're gonna live, it's so much better than being

• 51:30Alex Cooper?

  like, I was too afraid to take that guy out of the dating app, or to go up to that guy at the bar and to actually like, make something of it. And so I just end up sitting and I watched nine fucking seasons of Vampire Diaries over and over, until I could recite all the lines. That will always be there. All of your shows will always be there, your books will always be there, your comforter will always be there, but like, these opportunities won't. And so like, sacrifice one night if you're tired and go out and have the fucking date, go for it. Because I genuinely believe when I look back, what made me so confident as a woman, was a lot of these really weird experiences I went through and some were not enjoyable. And in the moment, I was sleeping in the bathtub crying my-

• 52:13Alex Cooper?

  Eyes out. I don't know why I was in the bathtub for dramatic effect, obviously, but think about that. That's how drama I was back then. I was like, oh my God, I'm single and I'm dating and these men, they're breaking my heart. Like, how fun is that? I wouldn't, I'm not gonna cry in the bathroom anymore. Okay. Um, so it's like allowing yourself to also be present in what part of your life you're in. Allowing yourself to recognize that being single is such a blessing. It's such an opportunity to learn things about yourself, to experience things with people, even if they are negative. Like, you're going to become a stronger, better person. And I do genuinely believe that there is no fucking way that I would have been ready for a Matt Kaplan,

• 52:56Alex Cooper?

  had I not gone through the amount of nights in the fucking Acme basement and Bijou Bar and One Oak and like all of these different places and all the different bars and clubs that I went to and with men and or met men there. What came from meeting those people and and the dates and the trips and all of it. I had to go through all of that to then

• 53:23Alex Cooper?

  mature, learn what I wanted, learn what I hated, learn what I what I wouldn't put up with, learn certain things on a first date that I'm like, oh, that's another flag that that other guy taught me that I know I don't like. I'm up, I'm leaving, bye. Or, oh my God, I've never felt this way on a first date. This is a good sign. I'm gonna do a second date. Like, you learn so much about yourself. And then when I met Matt, I felt like I knew that first night because I had never met anyone like him and I had never felt anything like that before. And I had dated so many fucking losers. I had gone on so many bad dates. I've told you guys, I think, the story of like, the guy that like literally used me and he was engaged and he just wanted to see like what it was like to go on a date with the Call Her Daddy girl. And I was like, fully there for an experiment. And I thought I really liked this guy. And then it turned into like, I was getting

• 54:06Alex Cooper?

  fully conned. And I was like, oh, my God, like, this is so embarrassing. Like, I've just gone through so many weird things as you all have, where you can close your eyes and picture all the fucking losers. But I promise you to find the positive, sometimes those losers are literally the best thing to continue to build your backbone and to continue to build your arsenal of exactly what you want. So when you find your Matt Kaplan, or when you find your whatever, whoever that man is, it's so glaringly obvious. But had I met Matt when I was 22, I would have never been ready for Matt. Cause I wouldn't have appreciated all the amazing things that he brought to me. Cause I had to go through the fucking dog shit. I had to be like, this man fucked me over and this man did it. Like I swear, I swear. It makes me appreciate

• 54:51Alex Cooper?

  Matt 10 times more than I had all these like really horrible dates to be like, thank God I fucking found you. I say that to that man like at least once a week. Like, thank God I found you, Matt. And the only reason I'm able to say, thank God I found you, is because I found a hell of a lot of fucking trolls underneath the bridge and thought they were princes. And then they turned out to be Gollum. Okay. And I was like, oh my God. And I had to experience that. And you guys do too. So although dating sometimes, listen, it's not going to be 80% positive dates and 20% negatives. I get it. Sometimes it's 70% negative. But that's also why finding your partner one day is that much sweeter. The

• 55:36Alex Cooper?

  effort that you put into dating, the effort you put into being single, the effort you put into working on yourself, not self centering around the men in your life. You're like, who am I? What do I like? What do I deserve? I have high standards now. I know what I want. That builds and builds and builds. So that the, when you do find that right person, you're ready for them, they're ready for you, and you're, you know what you're ready to accept and what you're not willing to put up with. And so get out there to all my single ladies who maybe you have been taking a hiatus. That is so fair and that's so fine. But do not let yourself continue to get upset over, oh, but I see, like, turn off all social media. That's been the best fucking thing ever. I like post, I turn it

• 56:18Alex Cooper?

  off. Everyone is so fucking negative. I'm sorry, but everyone's so negative on social media, giving their think pieces of why dating fucking sucks in 2026. Well, guess what? We're alive in 2026. What are we gonna do about it? What are we gonna do about it? Be fucking victims and have victim mentality like this sucks so much. All right, well, get off your fucking phone and just go and try and try and try and try. Cause I, I promise you something good is gonna come of it. So change your attitude. I'm always here. I'm, I'm literally at the fucking front lines with you. You are not alone. You've got this. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that we're letting the internet soak into us too much and we're letting ourselves create this negative narrative around something that, guess what?

• 57:00Alex Cooper?

  If it was supposed to be so fucking easy, everyone would have perfect relationships and everyone would be fucking happy and perfect and, and would be a boring fucking life. You need to do the fucking hard work to actually get something that is worth the fucking hard work. Nothing fucking great is easy. Okay, you gotta work for that shit.

• 57:22Alex Cooper?

  Thank you for coming to my TED Talk and to all my single girlies.

• 57:27Alex Cooper?

  Get that fucking selfie bitch, cause I know you're hitting that cut crease. You're overlining that lip a little bit. You got that highlighter, boom. Get the selfie. If all goes to shit, get the fucking selfie before the first date and tag me. Going on my first date. Boom. Hot bitch. Love you.

• 58:01Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit s n h u dot edu slash call her daddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home,

• 58:42Alex Cooper?

  drawn to timeless neutrals, or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20% to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com.

• 59:03Alex Cooper?

  All right, Daddy Gang, that is it for this week's episode. I hope to God that this inspired some of you, because a lot of times, and I always tell you guys this, like, a lot of times, I just think from my own perspective of like, what would I have needed? And although I loved dating and going out, I do genuinely think that I really remember some times where I just really struggled to be like, I think I need a break. And again, like, that's fair, but it's almost like right when you're done with it is when you need to just get back at it. Get back on the fucking horse. And so, I love you guys. I know it's not easy out there. I also know, like, men fucking suck right now. And it's just like, but I promise

• 59:45Alex Cooper?

  you, there are some good ones out there, and you just have to really fucking look. And I know it sucks that we have to be like, digging in the weeds to like, find not even a dime, and just like, you know, like, a little like, copper metal, or like, just like a little something. But you, you are smart and brave enough to weather the fucking storm, ladies. So, Daddy Gang, I love you so much, and I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 1:00:29Alex Cooper?

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• 1:01:08Alex Cooper?

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• 1:01:52Alex Cooper?

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• 1:02:37Alex Cooper?

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