MBMBaM 793: Fruit of the Loam

Glasses off! We're getting really serious about mystery underwear, the latest in celebrity feuds that we absolutely have a stake in, and being super duper weird about jellybeans. Suggested talking points: Underwear Salvage Secrets, Pent-Up Product Love, Three Folksy Guys, Walton Goggins Grinch Goggle Glasses Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. No glasses for me. No glasses for me either. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your malest brother Travis, Big Dog Wolf, Griffin McElroy.

• 1:23Griffin McElroy?

  What's up? Trav Nation, sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary Griffin McElroy. Oh, wait, did I say Griffin McElroy? Because I am Paul Dano.

• 1:32Travis McElroy?

  Huh. Oh, man, go on.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  I am Paul Dano.

• 1:36Travis McElroy?

  I am thrilled.

• 1:37Griffin McElroy?

  We're recording this one.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  You decided to talk about this.

• 1:39Griffin McElroy?

  We're recording this one like two weeks in advance, so I don't know which way this Paul Dano thing's gonna break, but the episode that just came out with Quentin Tarantino, where he was talking shit about Paul Dano, I said, no one else in this whole fucking industry is gonna stand up for this guy. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna draw a line in the sand right in here and say, I don't care if it costs me a role in one of Quentin Tarantino's future products.

• 2:02Travis McElroy?

  I quit. I quit. I quit. I was casting a Quentin Tarantino movie and I said, I quit and tarin. Quit. I quit. Quit. I quit.

• 2:11Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus Christ, Travis. In Quentin Tarantino, you decided to put quit.

• 2:16Travis McElroy?

  Quentin? Well, I started it. I started it, Griffin, with, and I knew there was a queue in there somewhere, and I couldn't remember where, because I was already halfway through saying his name.

• 2:25Griffin McElroy?

  Right at the top.

• 2:25Travis McElroy?

  Hey, he also talks shit about Matthew Lillard, and I was like, yeah, that guy doesn't have any fans.

• 2:30Griffin McElroy?

  He went after Matt Lillard, he went after Owen Wilson. I think, obviously, we won't stand for that either.

• 2:34Travis McElroy?

  All our guys.

• 2:35Griffin McElroy?

  I've just, all our guy, all our best guys, and I've chosen to rep Paul Dano. You can't talk shit about Paul Dano unless it's in a kind of a funny way, like when we talked about how he said, when he played the Riddler, it made his head get super hot.

• 2:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's fine.

• 2:48Griffin McElroy?

  That's fine, because it's like fun and having funny.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  That's funny. And he would appreciate, he would appreciate that. He would appreciate how crazy it was he who was Riddler.

• 2:57Griffin McElroy?

  Like, you would think that's super funny if you still with us today, and I do, and, but to say that, he's the, he's the, quote, weak sister. What's, first of all, could, you've chosen even a rough way to insult, like to come up with a bad insult, but to say that he can't hang, and there will be blood, or he ax the roof off that motherfucker. Are you kidding me?

• 3:20Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes I gotta stop and think about which one's Paul Dano, which one's Miles Teller, and I don't know why that is, but in my head, I have to, I know, listen, I know, but. Do you know how, I'm 45 now, do you know how hard Paul Dano had to fight to get into my head? He was like the last celebrity, I, he was like the last famous person I learned, and I had to hear that motherfucker's name 150 times before it was like, I, okay, it's not there. Okay, I'll learn who you are. Fine, fine, I will learn, I will accept that Paul Dano is a real name, and not someone making fun of Bowser from Shawna. Like, fine, Paul Dano, you're a real guy.

• 4:00Griffin McElroy?

  You're a real guy.

• 4:00Travis McElroy?

  And Quentin, Quentin Tarantino, known for his wonderful acting, um, his super superb acting. Brave. How the fuck does he get off?

• 4:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. Yeah, man. I'm glad my boy DDL came down from the rafters, where he had retired himself from being sort of a figure in the public consciousness, and was like, actually, fuck you, Quentin. Paul Dano rules.

• 4:26Griffin McElroy?

  Did he? Back up. Yeah, he came down from the clouds and he was like, actually, we're not actually recording this two weeks in advance. Everyone has become united by this one issue. And I guess there's-

• 4:37Travis McElroy?

  Also, I loved Matthew Lillard in the Scooby Doo movies and the Scream franchise. Huh, my farts.

• 4:44Griffin McElroy?

  Matt, and he just seems like kind of a cool hang. Owen Wilson, I don't know personally, but he's been in some bangers too. Daniel Day out.

• 4:54Travis McElroy?

  A lot of times celebrities have beef when they can come together and be like, listen, we love each other like professionally. This got out of hand. For this to be okay, Quentin Tarantino, I don't think he can come back and be like, I was wrong. Paul Dano rules. Like, I don't think he- I hadn't, I hadn't seen, I hadn't seen him be the Riddler guy. Yeah. The only way it gets remembered for him is like, yeah, actually Paul, Paul Dano kicks ass. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I guess I was speaking from a place of jealousy.

• 5:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:23Travis McElroy?

  I wanted to be the Riddler.

• 5:25Griffin McElroy?

  I can't even imagine-

• 5:26Travis McElroy?

  And I wanted to be in the Beach Boys movie and I wasn't. And I was so mad.

• 5:31Griffin McElroy?

  I can't-

• 5:31Travis McElroy?

  And I'm sorry.

• 5:32Griffin McElroy?

  I can't even imagine that man skunk making the pose of like his hands together like, actually, actually, I thought about it and um, I like Paul Dano. I was wrong. I was wrong, everyone, about it. Uh, just sort of an artistic opinion. I was wrong.

• 5:48Travis McElroy?

  And then I went and watched the whole Cars franchise and Owen Wilson delivers just an absolute just baller performance.

• 5:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:55Travis McElroy?

  And I hadn't seen any of Matthew Lillard movies. I would be in them with him if he wants like-

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  Why did Matt Lillard catch a stray?

• 6:02Travis McElroy?

  Shaggy's evil queen. Matt Lillard, Matt Lillard is such a good guy.

• 6:06Griffin McElroy?

  Conversation-

• 6:07Travis McElroy?

  He's like a chill dude.

• 6:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Conversation went like this. Best movie of all time? That's There Will Be Blood. Too bad about Paul Dano, though. He sucks. You know who else sucks? Owen Wilson and Matt Lillard. Anyway, next question.

• 6:16Travis McElroy?

  Haps you, stray.

• 6:17Griffin McElroy?

  Like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

• 6:18Travis McElroy?

  It is catching strays, but like, honestly.

• 6:22Travis McElroy?

  In terms of the Paul Dano brand, it probably hasn't been a terrible week, right?

• 6:27Griffin McElroy?

  Incredibly, are you kidding me?

• 6:28Travis McElroy?

  In terms of the Dano brand, I, I maybe, maybe, maybe Matthew Lillard can find a way to piggyback off of this, we hope, you know, we hope that he hasn't brought down this, this random drive.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:41Travis McElroy?

  Do you think that he was just running through names, watching the face of the interviewer for them, like, oh, yeah, and like the next on his list was Jared Leto, and he just didn't get to it in time?

• 6:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man, he almost had it. Oh, maybe, oh, God, this is how he gets out of it. He comes out and he says, actually, guys, I was thinking of Jared Leto. I said, I said.

• 7:02Travis McElroy?

  The confusion angle, I wonder if he has at some point checked IMDb to see if there is a Dan Paulo, that he could act like he was maybe switching him within his head, like, oh, I love Paul Dano. Yeah.

• 7:15Griffin McElroy?

  He's cool.

• 7:16Travis McElroy?

  I was thinking of Paulo Dan. Paulo Dan. That guy sucks. That guy, that guy sucks. Not Paul Dano. How are we feeling about Luke Wilson? Can I, is everybody on board with Luke Wilson?

• 7:30Griffin McElroy?

  I bet this is really, really driven.

• 7:32Travis McElroy?

  Luke Warmson, is that anything?

• 7:34Griffin McElroy?

  I think.

• 7:34Travis McElroy?

  Luke Warmson?

• 7:36Griffin McElroy?

  I think this is probably really driven a wedge between Luke and, Luke and Owen. I worry, because Luke can't come out, because he, you know, he could get cast in The Hateful Nine, or whatever the next one is.

• 7:46Travis McElroy?

  The sequel.

• 7:47Griffin McElroy?

  The squeak.

• 7:47Travis McElroy?

  I just think it's crazy that Quentin Tarantino, with all the movies that he made, didn't realize that Paul Dano was supposed to be wimpy in the movie.

• 7:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:57Travis McElroy?

  It's so wild. He gets beat up by like a real skinny, tall guy, like he's gotta be kind of a, a baby man, and that's kind of the point of the whole movie. It's so wild that he didn't understand he's supposed to be a baby guy, kind of, in that one. But in a different one, in the Batman one, he's more mysterious.

• 8:14Griffin McElroy?

  And he kills guys. Did you even see that one, Quentin?

• 8:16Travis McElroy?

  I didn't like Paul Dano, this is the Quentin Tarantino quote, I didn't like Paul Dano in the Batman, because he was mean to Batman. He was mean to Batman, one of my good friends. I like Batman, he's a, he's a nighttime defender, and I enjoy that, and Paul Dano's out here writing mysteries for him to solve. Let Batman do his job. I, I had to stop working with Samuel Jackson. Did you see how many people he shot in my films? I beg him to stop. I'm called for. But the murders. Christoph Waltz. Oh, man. Oh, man. This guy has some troubling opinions.

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  You write this guy really anything. But back to Quentin Tarantino's favorite podcast. Oh, no.

• 9:06Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no. Gosh.

• 9:08Travis McElroy?

  I recently graduated college and moved to a new city for work. I enjoy going to the gym and found a small community gym that is on my morning commute. I do group classes in the morning and bring a change of clothes for work. During a warm up lap around the parking lot for a group class this week, my instructor said, uh oh, looks like the underwear is still there. Pointing to a pair of underwear sitting in the lot. It looks exactly like my favorite pair of underwear that I thought I misplaced recently. How can I inconspicuously investigate the underwear to make sure they're mine? And how do I even take them back if they are? How would I explain the underwear's disappearance? This from boxer brief bother in the Bay area. The one that I want to start with is how would I explain the underwear's disappearance?

• 9:53Travis McElroy?

  So what you imagine here is that the underwear that everyone loves.

• 10:00Griffin McElroy?

  It's become a fixture.

• 10:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the mascot underwear shows up and and and they they show up and it's not there. And then everyone's like, who do what do you make of this?

• 10:11Griffin McElroy?

  David.

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Like, why are you? Why on earth would you be a suspect in the disappearance of the underwear?

• 10:18Griffin McElroy?

  Unless you're wearing them outside of your pants, Quailman style, which hopefully you have the good sense not to do that I R L.

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  You could also just say a bird took them.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  A big bird, a big nasty bird.

• 10:29Travis McElroy?

  Taken them.

• 10:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:30Travis McElroy?

  Nasty old bird must have done it. Hey, can you? I know they're your favorite. But the still there implies to me they've been outside for some time. I think it's time to let them go.

• 10:42Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. But what if they're really nice and like expensive?

• 10:45Travis McElroy?

  They're not nice anymore. They're not nice anymore. Things aren't supposed to be. Okay, you wash the clothes, right? You wash the clothes. Slow down. You leave them in there. I'll come back later. I'll remember to put them in the dryer. I don't have time right now. You remember tomorrow. You go to open the clothes. Ah, the smell. It's a nightmare, you know? There's gotta be a better way. And Justin's developed a new product. This for a week. They're done. They're done. We can't do these anymore. These are over. This is nature's underwear pants now. It's just. That's nature's underwear. That let them return to the loam. What if you investigate them and they're not yours? The risk is too high.

• 11:26Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, sorry. You're saying that if the underwear isn't yours, the risk of what? What's the risk? You tell me what the danger is. Guys, these are clothes that sometimes touch your privates and butt. I think we're being a little childish about it.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Griffin, the risk of the embar- Okay, there is an embarrassment factor there. If you're caught scoping out these underwear and you're like, these were mine. They fell out of my bag. Oh, my God, I was so embarrassed. Versus you're scoping them out. Really getting in their CSI style. You get checked doing that and they're not yours.

• 12:01Griffin McElroy?

  But who's going to come? Sorry, sorry.

• 12:03Travis McElroy?

  I just wanted to see how cool these loose underpants were.

• 12:06Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, this is, this is insane what you've just said because how is, you go and you check them out. Someone else realizes they're not yours and is like, hey, get away from those dirty parking lot underwear.

• 12:18Travis McElroy?

  Caught.

• 12:18Griffin McElroy?

  That's not yours. How would they know that?

• 12:21Travis McElroy?

  So you would, you would maybe pick them up with a twig or something. And you're looking at them and you're like, these aren't mine. Uh oh, Bobby sees me. Yep, these are mine. And they got put them in your pocket, Griffin?

• 12:32Griffin McElroy?

  No, what are you talking about, man?

• 12:34Travis McElroy?

  What are you talking about? I, Travis, I don't, I don't understand. How would you get? Who is the authority? Do you understand? For a crime to occur, someone has to- God.

• 12:45Griffin McElroy?

  It's clothes that touch your butt. You guys, and I think maybe everyone venerates underwear in a way that I find very peculiar. It's just clothes. It's inside pants. There's nothing bad or wrong about them. Everyone does wear them. Can you not just walk up, pick them up, say, "Oh, I like these. They fell out of my car." You're gross for looking at them. And you put, then it's on them? Like, this is fine. It's clothes for your butt.

• 13:11Travis McElroy?

  It goes on your, it goes, okay.

• 13:14Griffin McElroy?

  It goes on yours.

• 13:15Travis McElroy?

  For starters.

• 13:16Griffin McElroy?

  If they're yours.

• 13:18Travis McElroy?

  They're your, like, if they're yours, okay, that's right, Travis. Look, like, if they're yours, they've been in dirt for weeks, sitting in dirt, and you're gonna what? Get a little plastic bag and put them in there and take them home and wash them and put them on you?

• 13:34Griffin McElroy?

  Like they're a lost puppy?

• 13:35Travis McElroy?

  Like they're like, like a stray pup?

• 13:38Griffin McElroy?

  I take them home. I take them home. I wash them until they are, because they have dirt all up in the stitching.

• 13:46Travis McElroy?

  Why did you get them in the first place?

• 13:47Griffin McElroy?

  Because they might be mine.

• 13:49Travis McElroy?

  If you're doing this bad financially, I'm doing this bad financially, and we have to talk.

• 13:55Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, dude, I've got all kinds of sweet underwear salvage secrets that are really...

• 14:00Travis McElroy?

  Griffin has one pair of underwear that if he misplaces them, there's no coming back.

• 14:05Griffin McElroy?

  Not true. I have many pairs of wonderful undergarments, and they're just pants on the inside. They're just...

• 14:10Travis McElroy?

  For many sponsors throughout the...

• 14:17Travis McElroy?

  I don't even know where to buy the ding ding things anymore. Hey, I opened up the mailbox and undies just flew out. Undies and mattresses, baby. I'm rolling in them. Look at these. I'm buried in digital photo frames, baby. Websites? That's where my house is.

• 14:34Griffin McElroy?

  Let's not actually do ones that still advertise.

• 14:38Travis McElroy?

  No, I love them. I love them. I love all of these great sponsors. They just don't get to be mentioned. Yes, we did it vaguely. We can be talking about any underwear, Griffin.

• 14:47Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 14:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:47Griffin McElroy?

  We have so much love for so many products just pent up, ready to bust. We just, we simply must be paid for.

• 14:53Travis McElroy?

  Let us chill. Let us chill. Oh man, what a, God, of all the times I wish we could trans- transition into the money. Can we get Paul? Yes, we simply can't. I'm sorry.

• 15:04Griffin McElroy?

  Can we get Paul Dano to sponsor us?

• 15:06Travis McElroy?

  Could we get Paul Dano to convince other people to sponsor?

• 15:09Griffin McElroy?

  Or Matt Lillard. No, I mean, I don't want that. I just want-

• 15:12Travis McElroy?

  Matt Schiller. We get him to go out there and get people to give us money. He's chilling for us.

• 15:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. This podcast's like boxing sometimes. You guys ever notice that? Where you'll be like, you'll say something and then another person will come up with a better thing faster. And it's like, you're trying to bob and weave and keep it moving.

• 15:33Travis McElroy?

  Oh, sorry Griffin, I thought you didn't want anyone to say anything funny after your cool thing.

• 15:37Griffin McElroy?

  I made the vibe weird.

• 15:39Travis McElroy?

  Our office manager just asked everyone I work with what their favorite candy was. And if they liked apple cider or eggnog better. I said Skittles. Thinking it was just a fun little survey. Since Halloween, I've now received three gift packages of Skittles from her at Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. I don't really care for Skittles that much.

• 15:59Travis McElroy?

  So, yeah, like, why do we, why, why do we have to fix this one?

• 16:05Griffin McElroy?

  Just finish it.

• 16:05Travis McElroy?

  You know, why do we have to fix this one?

• 16:08Griffin McElroy?

  Because we, I want to know that we can. I need to know that we can.

• 16:11Travis McElroy?

  But it's not, you know what I mean?

• 16:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. We, yes, it's the whole concept of the show.

• 16:16Travis McElroy?

  Why do we have to?

• 16:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

• 16:19Travis McElroy?

  Why didn't you say?

• 16:20Griffin McElroy?

  Just finish it.

• 16:23Travis McElroy?

  I don't really care for Skittles that much, but now I'm drowning in them. She gets such joy in bringing them too. Yeah, probably because you told her it's your favorite candy, you fucking maniac. Sorry. She gets such joy in bringing them too. I don't have the heart to tell her. Yeah. Brothers, how do I suddenly let on that I'd rather have a different candy? That's from Sweet Tooth in Tampa. This- Brothers, this person I work with, just absolutely off the chain every single day doing the wildest shit. Unbelievable. Just last week, I asked her favorite candy. She mentioned what she didn't even like. Wild brothers, help. Am I in danger?

• 17:04Griffin McElroy?

  Depending on what kind of conversation your boss usually trucks in with you. I could see them coming up and asking, what's your favorite candy? If one of my kids came up and said, hey dad, what's your favorite candy? I wouldn't think I better pick real good because they could be setting me up for nonstop gifts of this one specific.

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, what's your favorite candy?

• 17:28Griffin McElroy?

  Skittles. Fuck.

• 17:29Travis McElroy?

  Nah, okay. But this isn't.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  This isn't a tough one, right? This isn't like a deep.

• 17:40Griffin McElroy?

  Seems tough.

• 17:41Travis McElroy?

  Shouldn't you have a. What's your favorite candy? Heath bars.

• 17:46Griffin McElroy?

  Heath bars are up there for me. Honestly, this top, that's a top, top fiver for sure.

• 17:49Travis McElroy?

  This is what I'm saying is like, does everybody not have at least a vague idea of what their favorite candy is? It's not a tough one. That's not like, what's your favorite style of vintage car? Right?

• 18:03Griffin McElroy?

  I don't.

• 18:03Travis McElroy?

  Justin, what's your favorite candy? Chocolate payday.

• 18:07Griffin McElroy?

  Crazy.

• 18:07Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, what's your favorite candy?

• 18:09Griffin McElroy?

  I don't, I mean jelly beans.

• 18:12Travis McElroy?

  You now again, nobody likes jelly beans.

• 18:14Griffin McElroy?

  I love jelly beans.

• 18:16Travis McElroy?

  Like jelly bellies?

• 18:17Griffin McElroy?

  Jelly beans and licorice sweets, sweet creams.

• 18:20Travis McElroy?

  What kind of, what's kind of jelly bean? If you could only have one kind of jelly bean, what kind would it be?

• 18:28Griffin McElroy?

  There's a super loud truck outside and it.

• 18:30Travis McElroy?

  This is a good time to think about it. Yeah.

• 18:36Griffin McElroy?

  Starburst red. Red starburst jelly bean, Easter time, Easter time delight.

• 18:44Travis McElroy?

  Toasted marshmallow jelly belly. Look at you, you fucking stinker. Look at you, spanky ass.

• 18:51Griffin McElroy?

  Shh, listen, listen, listen.

• 18:55Griffin McElroy?

  Good job.

• 18:57Travis McElroy?

  What are we listening for?

• 18:59Griffin McElroy?

  Your answer.

• 18:59Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna say jelly bean.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, my favorite jelly bean.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:02Griffin McElroy?

  But Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, the prompt, Travis, the brief. You have to be as weird as fucking possible for some reason. Okay. We've decided to make this like a weird sort of audio wasteland.

• 19:16Griffin McElroy?

  Favorite jelly bean. Your favorite what?

• 19:19Travis McElroy?

  Jelly bean. You didn't hear me? My favorite what?

• 19:22Griffin McElroy?

  Jelly bean.

• 19:22Travis McElroy?

  Jelly bean.

• 19:23Griffin McElroy?

  Quiet and weird.

• 19:25Travis McElroy?

  My favorite belly jean. My favorite belly jean is honestly, honestly, black licorice.

• 19:33Griffin McElroy?

  That's fucked up. No.

• 19:34Travis McElroy?

  We are, we are doing a real one. Vibe is like.

• 19:37Griffin McElroy?

  That is a real one.

• 19:37Travis McElroy?

  Destroy now. It's a real one, but it's like, is it?

• 19:40Griffin McElroy?

  We destroyed the vibe thinking it would be built back up by the completion, by the.

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  Okay, it's the, and I don't, because she, it's bad, it's bad, but the birdie blood's ever been the grass one. I like it.

• 19:53Griffin McElroy?

  That's fucking wild, Travis. What a strange.

• 19:56Travis McElroy?

  The truth is, I like a minty jelly bean. All right?

• 19:59Griffin McElroy?

  I don't like jelly beans.

• 20:01Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Could you just? Just say you're off Skittles. Three bags of Skittles in a year. You don't have to be off Skittles. Just, they're finding out, just say that with, did you hear with the food dye stuff?

• 20:13Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, wow.

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  They say you're not supposed to be eating Skittles anymore.

• 20:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Travis McElroy?

  It's bad for you now. So I guess I'm off Skittles.

• 20:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:20Travis McElroy?

  Ooh la la.

• 20:21Griffin McElroy?

  Vegan, vegan.

• 20:23Travis McElroy?

  They found out about them. They got carnuba wax and it's made out of beetle chitin. No. I don't like either of those things. We got.

• 20:30Griffin McElroy?

  Didn't bother me. Didn't bother me before. Didn't bother me before.

• 20:34Travis McElroy?

  I befriended a beetle.

• 20:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:36Travis McElroy?

  And now I can really see things from their point of view. And hey, can we also just touch into? I don't think eggnog or apple cider is a yes or no, is a binary question.

• 20:48Griffin McElroy?

  This is not a, this is not a cake or pie, Elvis or Beatles, clear dichotomy situation. These are two pretty niche beverages.

• 20:56Travis McElroy?

  Wildly different experiences too.

• 20:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Travis McElroy?

  You just have to have something other than eggnog. Like you have, you cannot solely offer eggnog. Even the eggnog fans after. Eggnog is not a refreshing beverage.

• 21:10Griffin McElroy?

  One time I got sent a five pound bag of Swedish fish to our post office box. And I, because I talked about how much I like Swedish fish and I'm wonderful and I ate, I've almost certainly told this story on the show before.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  You know what I was looking for? I've been looking, there's some candies that I would buy in

• 21:29Travis McElroy?

  bulk.

• 21:31Travis McElroy?

  You could maybe have, buy some bulk candies to have on offer.

• 21:36Griffin McElroy?

  How is this gonna get you?

• 21:37Travis McElroy?

  Many months, over the course of many months, you would become known for them. I don't actually have a good, I'm sorry. I didn't have a joke.

• 21:45Griffin McElroy?

  No one has a good joke.

• 21:46Travis McElroy?

  Find somebody who likes Skittles more.

• 21:48Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, and get them to tell your boss your favorite candy and then you can trade.

• 21:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I once sold a big bag of Skittles to my Spanish teacher, Señora Berry. And Señora Berry, upon receiving the Skittles, the next day, she told me those Skittles were delicious. I had to cut them in half because they were extremely sweet.

• 22:16Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome. That's a cool story, Juice.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  You ever heard, that, guys, that, I was fourteen, no, fifteen years old when that happened. Thirty years.

• 22:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  I'm still thinking about this lady saying, oh, oh, one whole Skittle, woof! Was the implication there that a serving size for her was half a Skittle at a sitting? Yes, like, imagine this woman. This woman said to me that she got a knife.

• 22:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:46Travis McElroy?

  And cut Skittles in half because the rush of a single Skittle.

• 22:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:52Travis McElroy?

  Was too much. But what's the, what's the span of time between the second half of the Skittle? It has to be like, complete, like, the wave has to have passed her.

• 23:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  It's, her pleasure has crested and is now in its end to climax. And as the wave of pleasure begins to recede, she puts the other half into her mouth. Like you were. Oh, I crest once more! Like you were a dealer selling her like shrooms or something and she's like, oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna need an ape. I can't take a half.

• 23:24Griffin McElroy?

  I just swallow my pills.

• 23:25Travis McElroy?

  If your boss, if your boss saw you cutting one in half, then maybe they would understand the pace at which you are working through them. Like, if you're like, listen, I love this and I do love Skittles. I only allow myself one half Skittle a day, so you do not have to keep stocking me up. I am set. I'm good for ten years. Make some Skittle art.

• 23:47Griffin McElroy?

  Skittle art, huge. My kids will pay top dollar for that shit.

• 23:52Travis McElroy?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:53Griffin McElroy?

  Make a Goku with Skittles.

• 23:55Travis McElroy?

  And that's good in the post apocalypse too, right? Because then there's some Skittles left.

• 24:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. I mean, I would rather die than eat my Skittle Goku, but yeah, I mean, for sure. I paid $15,000 at Candytopia for that and I'm not, I'm not, yeah, I'm not gonna eat it just because I'm hungry.

• 24:11Travis McElroy?

  Like the ones on the walls? I didn't think they sold those.

• 24:14Griffin McElroy?

  They sell them for $42,000.

• 24:18Travis McElroy?

  For a motivated buyer, they will pretty much sell you anything.

• 24:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:21Travis McElroy?

  At Candytopia, that is, that is the rule. If it's not nailed down, bring it to the register.

• 24:28Travis McElroy?

  It's like the mansion on those streets. Anything you just pick it up, take it to the front, buy it.

• 24:33Griffin McElroy?

  They got a.

• 24:34Travis McElroy?

  That's actually the case most places.

• 24:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:36Travis McElroy?

  If you go to the register with anything and you're like, I will give you X amount of dollars for it. There is some number that solves for X.

• 24:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Travis McElroy?

  At which point you can take a home with you. How much to buy that register? Well, there's money in there. I know. Add that up.

• 24:50Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 24:51Travis McElroy?

  And the value of the register. Total that. Plus a dollar.

• 24:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:55Travis McElroy?

  That's business, baby.

• 24:57Griffin McElroy?

  They have docents at those candy museums that try to trick the kids into eating. They'll say like, you see one woman with a hat over there? You see that, Matisse? Grab yourself some. Those Jolly Ranchers, they're waiting for you, Kenneth. He goes for it.

• 25:12Travis McElroy?

  You bought it, Kenneth.

• 25:13Griffin McElroy?

  That's $32,500, Kenneth.

• 25:15Travis McElroy?

  That was a Banksy.

• 25:17Griffin McElroy?

  Who's a Banksy dude?

• 25:18Travis McElroy?

  You can call anything a Banksy. Banksy's not gonna show up to tell you you're wrong. He does.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  He will.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  He will do. Fuck, really?

• 25:25Griffin McElroy?

  He does revenge on you, but it still has to be like art based. So he like, he will trick you into getting into the art world and then investing in one of his paintings that he makes like, turn into toilet paper that goes in a toilet.

• 25:38Travis McElroy?

  Fuck. Well, you see, what he did to me was he painted a huge picture of me pooping in the potty.

• 25:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:44Travis McElroy?

  And he painted all the top of a skyscraper right across from my office.

• 25:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  And so every time I look out of my office window, I'm distracted from my, my charts, my spreadsheets. I look outside my window and there's me.

• 25:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:55Travis McElroy?

  A very unflattering likeness.

• 25:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:57Travis McElroy?

  Squatted on the potty and I'm using a squat. I'm using a spotty potty and I say a speech bubble, I need this or I'll die.

• 26:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:05Travis McElroy?

  Using the bathroom. It was, it's like one of the meanest pictures. Tell me it's a small picture, Justin.

• 26:11Griffin McElroy?

  Is it a little picture at least?

• 26:12Travis McElroy?

  It's eight, it's eight stories tall. Wow. My pupils are all lit windows.

• 26:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:18Travis McElroy?

  To give you a sense of, yeah, I don't know.

• 26:20Griffin McElroy?

  Staring down at New York City?

• 26:23Travis McElroy?

  He, he had to shut, he had to rent out three floors of this building.

• 26:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:28Travis McElroy?

  Just to do my, just to do my scrotum.

• 26:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  It's, it's really, it was a very.

• 26:35Travis McElroy?

  It's inside, it's inside. You have to go, it's a three dimensional shaving.

• 26:39Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 26:41Travis McElroy?

  Three dimensional shaving, yeah. It's for helicopter guys. If they fly by, they're gonna see my balls and butt and everything.

• 26:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy.

• 26:47Travis McElroy?

  Huge. And I'm on the potty.

• 26:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm so sorry, I'm sorry that happened, man.

• 26:53Griffin McElroy?

  You know, he did, he just, he came to my house and he installed in my toilet, I didn't even see it, a special machine so that when I sat down on the toilet seat, it shredded up my butt and put it in the garbage.

• 27:04Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 27:05Griffin McElroy?

  Shredded my butt and my privates. Yeah, it shredded it all up down there and it put it in the garbage. And then he kicked the door and was like, now you don't have it anymore. Uh, and I was like, that's cra- that's crazy. I'm okay now.

• 27:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you healed up.

• 27:19Griffin McElroy?

  I healed up.

• 27:20Travis McElroy?

  Turned out when I got home one day, after living in this house for many years, I went to sit on the toilet and just fell straight down. And I was like, what? And that's when I realized the toilet was a painting on the wall and it had been since I bought the house.

• 27:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 27:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I hate that. And where has it been going, Travis? Right. And so I went out to tell Teresa about this and suddenly she was a painting on the wall and she had that painting the whole time. Fucking classic face. I started spinning around and realizing everything was a painting and I was trapped in it.

• 27:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I'll tell you what, he switched all my shirts with shirts with little sketches of me kissing a pig's ass on it.

• 27:56Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 27:57Griffin McElroy?

  Every single one of my shirts, guys, he came in my house and he tore it up and he, he just went ahead and he put a picture of me kissing a pig's ass on it every single time.

• 28:07Travis McElroy?

  Like a real picture that he took?

• 28:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. No, it was like a, like a little sketch.

• 28:14Travis McElroy?

  He scratched up all my burnt mix CDs. I've been saving them in a big binder since I was in college. All my mix CDs that I burnt myself. He scratched them all up. And you know what he scratched into him? Banksy rules. Oh, no. He came into my house and painted a gif on the wall.

• 28:30Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, what?

• 28:31Travis McElroy?

  Of me eating poop. Yeah.

• 28:32Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, Jesus Christ. That's an escalation.

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  No, it was tasteful. And it was emanated. And right now, it's worth a billion dollars.

• 28:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, cuz it's like new technology. He painted a moving image.

• 28:44Travis McElroy?

  Incredible.

• 28:46Griffin McElroy?

  It's awesome.

• 28:47Travis McElroy?

  Let's go to the money zone.

• 28:56Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys like to dance? Do you like to sing? Do you like to party? Yeah. Do you like to code?

• 29:05Griffin McElroy?

  Um, trying to sneak a little stim in there. And yeah.

• 29:09Travis McElroy?

  It's our respect.

• 29:10Griffin McElroy?

  I do like that stuff better than the dancing and singing, actually.

• 29:13Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me try another thing. Do you like bad websites that are ugly and make you feel bad?

• 29:19Griffin McElroy?

  No, I don't. I don't like that.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  Do you like websites that are well-designed and easy to use?

• 29:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I guess prefer to the other one, sure.

• 29:28Travis McElroy?

  Okay, great. Then you guys are gonna love Squarespace. They make good websites by helping you make good websites. It's easy to use. You don't have to dance or sing or code to use the Squarespace. To use the Squarespace to make a website? I'm an idiot. Is there help for me? Yeah, in a lot of ways, but specifically when it comes to website building, yeah. They give you everything you need to offer services and get laid. No, get paid all in one place. Yeah.

• 29:57Griffin McElroy?

  Travis Patrick McElroy.

• 30:00Travis McElroy?

  They've begged us to not do that.

• 30:02Griffin McElroy?

  That one joke. That one joke, they said, we are a clean company.

• 30:08Travis McElroy?

  You're right.

• 30:08Griffin McElroy?

  Don't say yucky stuff like that about us. We're clean.

• 30:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, but the word does come up again in the next sentence, and I want to say it again, Griffin.

• 30:16Griffin McElroy?

  You can, you can, because you've already done it once.

• 30:19Travis McElroy?

  Okay, get laid on time with professional.

• 30:22Griffin McElroy?

  And paid on time.

• 30:23Travis McElroy?

  Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments, plus streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. They also have just beautiful professionally designed and award-winning website templates, all kinds of options, and drag and drop editing. It's really, really good. It's easy to use for dummies like us. You can do it. I believe in you. Head to Squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Did I say trial weird? It felt weird. I feel like I could hear myself say trial.

• 30:59Griffin McElroy?

  Kind of weird.

• 31:00Travis McElroy?

  Trial.

• 31:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool, though. I love when that shit slips in, man. I think people, I think people are wild about our sort of folksy sort of charm.

• 31:07Travis McElroy?

  That's kind of our deal, right? We're just down home, simple.

• 31:10Griffin McElroy?

  It's every, it's every like 250th word for me. Well, we'll hit with some of that. And it, I, I don't know. I'm, I'm such a fan of it.

• 31:18Travis McElroy?

  We're just three podcast hosts you can have a beer with. That's our deal.

• 31:21Griffin McElroy?

  Folksy guys. Three folksy.

• 31:23Travis McElroy?

  Well, we were gonna call the show Three Folksy Guys.

• 31:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Travis McElroy?

  We thought the brother angle would hook people better, so we changed our names and the rest is history.

• 31:30Griffin McElroy?

  It was the worst mistake we ever made because Three Folksy Guys was then taken over by Adam and Ricky.

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  Smartless.

• 31:38Travis McElroy?

  Smartless. Those folksy guys.

• 31:40Griffin McElroy?

  Smartless.

• 31:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Those three folksy guys, and they eventually became Smartless.

• 31:44Griffin McElroy?

  Right. So Aura Frames is your, your holiday hero, because there's a lot of people who live lives that make them difficult to buy presents for.

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  Well said, Griffin.

• 32:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's a complicated series of words and ideas I just put together, but I think everyone heard them and understood exactly what I meant. Some people are not easy to figure out what to get gifts for them because of their lives and choices. Well. Let me tell you this, Aura Frames is the ur gift, the all gift.

• 32:19Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 32:19Griffin McElroy?

  It's just a, it's an incredible, uh, very, very nice looking digital picture frame. That is super easy to set up and you sort of manage it remotely with the, with the app. And you can just send whatever pictures you want onto it. You can gift it to other people and then keep them updated with galleries of stuff going on in your life. You can, we, we have one in our house too, because it's like, uh, constantly rotating between like precious family memories. And the kids always get very excited when they see themselves on it.

• 32:48Travis McElroy?

  And if you've already bought one for a loved one, there's still time to go into their house and break it on accident. And then get them a new one.

• 32:57Griffin McElroy?

  You can just put one in another room and then they have a beautiful frame.

• 33:01Travis McElroy?

  Dang, Justin.

• 33:01Griffin McElroy?

  You don't just have one picture frame in your house. Why have just one aura? Yeah.

• 33:05Travis McElroy?

  I'm really sorry. I broke all of your auras then while I was in town for candle nights. I didn't think about that, Justin. I'm so sorry.

• 33:11Griffin McElroy?

  That's quite all right. Right now, visit auraframes.com and get $55 off Aura's limited edition stone collection frame by using promo code brother at checkout. That's A U R A frames.com promo code brother. This deal is exclusive to our listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 33:33Speaker 04

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  No, I'm sorry. No sales calls. Goodbye.

• 33:38Speaker 04

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• 33:43Speaker 03

  I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

• 34:01Speaker 04

  Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  Simply go to maximumfun.org.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy four as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 34:17Speaker 05

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• 35:00Travis McElroy?

  How about another question? Yeah, boy.

• 35:04Travis McElroy?

  I have recently discovered that my mother has quote, "adopted" a poster that used to be my ex's. We used to live at my mother-in-law's unit and decorated the place with some funky stuff, including an old-school movie poster from my ex's childhood bedroom. We thought we took everything when we moved out, but obviously we missed stuff. I found this out when I stayed at my mom's while visiting for the holidays, and my mom has put up the poster we left like it's hers. She loves old movies, so it wouldn't seem out of place. How do I tell my mom I have to confiscate her poster and return it to my ex? My ex had mentioned the poster when we broke up and at the time had assumed it was totally lost. Do I have to return it to her since she's given up on it? That's from Poster Puzzled in Seattle. Scott Free.

• 35:49Travis McElroy?

  The perfect crime.

• 35:50Griffin McElroy?

  Like, not the richest jumping off point, but 100% true. You're so money. You're so, you don't even know how money you are.

• 36:00Travis McElroy?

  This is, they will never track this back to you in 100,000 years. This secret dies with you. And now us and them.

• 36:10Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, everyone.

• 36:12Travis McElroy?

  But.

• 36:12Griffin McElroy?

  But.

• 36:13Travis McElroy?

  Do you know?

• 36:15Travis McElroy?

  Now. Well, do you know how one million listeners and three podcast hosts keep a secret?

• 36:21Griffin McElroy?

  How?

• 36:22Travis McElroy?

  One million.

• 36:23Griffin McElroy?

  Ask Smartless.

• 36:23Travis McElroy?

  Them have to die. Was what I was gonna say. What were you saying, Justin?

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  I said, ask Smartless.

• 36:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yours is better. Mine, mine involves killing all of our listeners.

• 36:33Griffin McElroy?

  Man.

• 36:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:34Griffin McElroy?

  Shit, dude.

• 36:35Travis McElroy?

  It's crazy. Yours is better. I, just thinking around my house, I've moved so many times in like the last, just like fifteen years since like graduating college. I could not begin to catalog the things in my house that once belonged to someone else that I was lent or belonged to a former roommate or whatever, that just over the course of so many moves became catamari domiced into my possessions.

• 37:04Griffin McElroy?

  Do you ever just pick up stuff in your house and say, hey, I'm gonna throw this away? How's everybody feel about that? And then like everyone looks at you like, I thought you loved that. Like, no, I hate this. Can we throw this away? No one knows how it got there. Maybe someone put it there as a joke three years ago. Like it's, it's, yes, a hundred percent. Scott free. Scott free. Don't even worry about it. Every breakup, I think you should get one little gift. Both, both teams in the breakup gets.

• 37:31Travis McElroy?

  Svento, little Svento.

• 37:33Griffin McElroy?

  A little Svento, a little gift.

• 37:34Travis McElroy?

  A little Svento for the road.

• 37:36Griffin McElroy?

  You shared special precious memories and you worked hard for that relationship. You both did. You put in a lot of work. And something went wrong, obviously. Something soured there. That doesn't mean those memories aren't worth anything. I think they're worth a single steal.

• 37:51Travis McElroy?

  Especially when it ends up being gifted to your emotional support team.

• 37:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  Right? When you're like, it's almost like a, a rap gift on a movie, you know, where it's like, yeah, after the breakup, here's a little reward for you, mom. You, you had to deal with all of this too.

• 38:07Griffin McElroy?

  Got me through the hard times.

• 38:08Travis McElroy?

  Here you go. Here's a movie poster.

• 38:10Griffin McElroy?

  Now, don't, now don't, don't steal nothing big now. Don't, don't go crazy. Like, don't steal that. Don't steal nothing.

• 38:18Travis McElroy?

  Now, my client, Griffin, went through a lot during that breakup.

• 38:22Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 38:23Travis McElroy?

  I think that should come with certain allowances.

• 38:29Griffin McElroy?

  You can say that. We can't say that. We can't say it's okay to steal anything you want. I wanna be on record saying, don't steal nothing big now. Please. A poster, a jacket, fine. Shoes is pushing.

• 38:41Travis McElroy?

  Their dog.

• 38:43Griffin McElroy?

  Shoes is a lot. Dog, definitely not. Thank you for finding a bad example. They're diamonds.

• 38:47Travis McElroy?

  What about a plant?

• 38:50Griffin McElroy?

  That's fine.

• 38:51Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay, cool. Great, very great. A plant's nice. A plant's got a kind of a chore, too.

• 38:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:55Travis McElroy?

  Uh, their social security number.

• 38:58Griffin McElroy?

  You've got equi- no, don't steal a social security number.

• 39:00Travis McElroy?

  Okay, that's bad, Travis. Think about that. Think about how actually doing that, right? It's not very nice.

• 39:04Griffin McElroy?

  It's not nice to do, but you have equity in that plant. It's a fine steal.

• 39:09Travis McElroy?

  It's a fine steal. Okay.

• 39:11Griffin McElroy?

  It's a fine steal. It's a great steal.

• 39:12Travis McElroy?

  I think it's important. Ball they steal. I think that we as a society need to land on a timeframe after which something has been left in somebody's possession.

• 39:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:24Travis McElroy?

  That then it is like, we all agree that you shouldn't be thinking about this item anymore.

• 39:30Griffin McElroy?

  Um, the statute of limitations on wanting something back. I don't know.

• 39:35Travis McElroy?

  Because we occasionally get questions where it's like, five years ago, a friend lent me a book. There's no way that friend's still thinking about that book?

• 39:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. My friend Evan's mom stole my Ben Folds hoodie that I got at the very first concert I ever went to when I was in high school and I went over to his house like four years later and I went to hang up my coat in the closet and saw it in there. His mom had been wearing it and I was like, game, game recognized game. You got like, sure, you got me. This has been four years. It's a jacket. It's yours now. That looks.

• 40:05Travis McElroy?

  Can you, at that point, Griffin, could you take it back? Could you say like, this, I'm re- You can't, right?

• 40:12Griffin McElroy?

  No, because she's had it longer than I had it at that point.

• 40:15Travis McElroy?

  So this poster isn't even there. It's not even, it belongs to the mom now.

• 40:20Griffin McElroy?

  Scott is free.

• 40:21Travis McElroy?

  The name is Scott Free. It's, there's no crime.

• 40:24Griffin McElroy?

  There's no crime.

• 40:24Travis McElroy?

  It's hers. There's no claim.

• 40:27Griffin McElroy?

  Case adjourned.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  Case adjourned. The judge is out of court.

• 40:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yep.

• 40:34Travis McElroy?

  Guilty.

• 40:35Griffin McElroy?

  Uh-uh.

• 40:36Travis McElroy?

  Nope. Lawyers? I decided. To your seats.

• 40:39Griffin McElroy?

  Lawyers to your chambers.

• 40:42Travis McElroy?

  Bailiff, escort the lawyers out. Remove these lawyers from my premises. Bailiff, court them away.

• 40:51Griffin McElroy?

  Jury.

• 40:53Travis McElroy?

  You're all arrested.

• 40:55Griffin McElroy?

  Jury, have you dismissed the case?

• 41:01Travis McElroy?

  Jury, skedaddle.

• 41:04Griffin McElroy?

  Jury objection.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  Unsequestered.

• 41:07Griffin McElroy?

  And hammer.

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  I lost it, so I just say it out loud now. Hammer, hammer, hammer. Pay attention, please. You want another question?

• 41:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, please.

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  I just almost, guys, I've spent almost, I have two weeks in a row now, I've almost talked about the Grinch meal at McDonald's and I

• 41:28Travis McElroy?

  and I don't want to talk about the Grinch meal at McDonald's.

• 41:31Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 41:32Travis McElroy?

  Do you know? I don't. This one I don't want to, but they have green salt, Grinch salt.

• 41:40Travis McElroy?

  They have Grinch salt in the Grinch meal. There's Grinch salt. It's a special dill salt.

• 41:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:46Travis McElroy?

  It's Grinch salt.

• 41:48Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that sounds good.

• 41:49Travis McElroy?

  They have dill pickle McShaker fries that have the extreme salt that the Grinch loves and it's a very

• 41:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:55Travis McElroy?

  Grinchy kind of thing that's happening.

• 41:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool. I would weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, rather talk about Walton Goggins Grinch.

• 42:04Travis McElroy?

  So this is, so this is what I want to say.

• 42:08Travis McElroy?

  This is, there's a, there, I was on What's All This Then, which is a great podcast about British culture and we were talking about Christmas adverts. And there's, there's one here. You know what? Can I just show you this one? Cause it's like such a, such a treat. Please.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely, please.

• 42:27Travis McElroy?

  Hold on one second, let me share.

• 42:28Griffin McElroy?

  I love this kind of like.

• 42:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I just want to, this is not a munch squad.

• 42:32Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's just an organic sort of munch.

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  Tete, tete, tete. Just a, um, a fun munch.

• 42:41Travis McElroy?

  Dustin, I know you're looking at a monitor that's in front of you. I just felt like you were judging me so hard in that moment. Directly into your soul. You gotta take advantage of that when it happens, Trav. All right, you ready?

• 42:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:58Griffin McElroy?

  Ah.

• 43:16Travis McElroy?

  He's flying? So you get the idea. It's, yeah, it's the Grinch. Uh, is it Asda? Asda? Asda. So this is like a Walmart. It's apparently a Walmart owned franchise in the UK, right? And what we see in this ad is like the Grinch shopping with his family. And then we have watched the. Let's say Justin, his human family.

• 43:39Griffin McElroy?

  His human family and also at one point he likes shopping so much that he starts to fly through the air. That is not a power that I think the Grinch has in the source material.

• 43:49Travis McElroy?

  May I, may I get over here to the side for a second to make a plea to humanity?

• 43:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 43:55Travis McElroy?

  Sure. Yeah. Can we stop making me Travis McRae look at closeups of the Grinch, of a human being in Grinch makeup's face? Travis, this is exactly what I wanted to speak about.

• 44:06Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 44:07Travis McElroy?

  So happy that you're here and you're on the same page as me. Cause like, here's the thing.

• 44:14Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to see a real Grinch ever again. It's grotesque. I don't want to see a real Grinch ever again. Matthew Morrison in the Broadway Grinch on TV. Hate it. Jim. Jim Carey. Jim, obviously. Jim, obviously hate it. Terrible movie. You gave your all. That shit that. You gave it your all, but we hate seeing it. That shit. We hate seeing it. They're oddly greasy. You're not the worst thing about that movie. That movie completely misses the point of the whole story. But every time you see a real Grinch, it is a hell. Yeah. I don't ever want to see real Grinch again. And this Christmas season, we're treated to three Walton Goggins Grinch Walmart. The Walmart Walton Goggins Grinch goggles are, are fully on over at Walmart.

• 44:59Travis McElroy?

  We got this Asda Grinch and then there's a McDonald's Grinch with this Grinch. So I don't want to see the real Grinch. Ever again, I hate it. It's unpleasant to a degree of like, this is ha- haunting, haunting, it's a nightmare. Every real Grinch.

• 45:17Griffin McElroy?

  It's not that it's not that he's ugly. I, we all, all, all who's are beautiful, definitely.

• 45:24Travis McElroy?

  He's not supposed to be real.

• 45:25Griffin McElroy?

  But he's scary because he's not supposed to be real. Yeah, that's good.

• 45:28Travis McElroy?

  The quality of hair, green hair and the smooth, the weird greasy smoothness to the face and everything. There's wrinkles to it. It's the, it's that, here's what I think it is. When a makeup artist or a makeup team gets the chance to do a real life Grinch.

• 45:46Griffin McElroy?

  They go crazy.

• 45:47Travis McElroy?

  Go so deep. Their frigging stamp on, yeah, man.

• 45:53Travis McElroy?

  They're so stoked. Oh, it makes me unhappy. Yeah, I really, it's just seeing the Grinch.

• 45:59Griffin McElroy?

  Oh gosh, I, yeah.

• 46:02Travis McElroy?

  You know, anytime you see it, anytime, anytime you see the Grinch as a real man, as a cartoon, we love this guy.

• 46:09Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, like, yeah.

• 46:12Travis McElroy?

  Nasty. Put him on a wrapping paper.

• 46:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 46:15Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh, cuz he's like a figment of a, of imagination at that point when he's a cartoon. Because he's just like a little sinner, little sinner. Um, but then when you see him in the real.

• 46:25Travis McElroy?

  A tiny little sinner.

• 46:26Griffin McElroy?

  A little sinner guy. When he's real and you think like, could this happen to me? And it's, it gets, it's scary and I don't want my kids to see it for sure. I don't want my kids exposed, especially to Walton Gockens Grinch. Because this is a smooth and cool Grinch who likes jazz and that's going to sort of confuse them. That's, that's gonna make them not understand the very real and very present threat that Grinch's do sort of present to our, our festivities.

• 46:58Travis McElroy?

  It's also often amorphous of when we're encountering said Grinch in his particular arc.

• 47:04Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 47:04Travis McElroy?

  Which I don't enjoy. Um, I'm also just gonna pin real life Cat in the Hat to there too. Don't make human beings.

• 47:11Griffin McElroy?

  Same rules. Yeah, absolutely.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  Same basic rules. Um, ah, man, I really hated, if I could just show you guys the, the Matthew Morrison one. We always hate seeing a real Grinch around these parts, but if I could just.

• 47:26Griffin McElroy?

  Huh.

• 47:26Travis McElroy?

  It's just, I just.

• 47:28Griffin McElroy?

  Huh.

• 47:29Travis McElroy?

  I hate to see.

• 47:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:31Travis McElroy?

  I hate it.

• 47:31Griffin McElroy?

  Let me see him.

• 47:32Travis McElroy?

  I hate to see the Grinch.

• 47:33Griffin McElroy?

  Well, here's the thing. They gotta, they gotta, for the stage, they've gotta make his.

• 47:38Travis McElroy?

  For the stage.

• 47:39Griffin McElroy?

  For the stage, they have to make his features big and loud and pronounced. And so like, you're not, you're not supposed to see this Grinch this close, obviously.

• 47:48Travis McElroy?

  And if that Grinch showed up in Cats 2, I would, I would. Dude, that would be such a sick crossover. They're like, now the Grinch, now the Grinch loves cats.

• 47:59Griffin McElroy?

  That's a, that's kind of a hot Grinch. Uh oh.

• 48:02Travis McElroy?

  That's still Matthew Morrison's Grinch. I tricked you.

• 48:04Griffin McElroy?

  Uh oh, you tricked me.

• 48:05Travis McElroy?

  Well, his eyebrow and his hair is all one thing, Griffin.

• 48:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  He's a dog. Yeah. Don't ever show me the real Grinch again. That's the lesson of the holidays this season. I don't want to see the Grinch. I love, love a cartoon still.

• 48:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:17Travis McElroy?

  Don't want to see the real Grinch ever again. Thank you.

• 48:19Griffin McElroy?

  Even, can I ask you this? Is the Benedict.

• 48:22Travis McElroy?

  We are open to, yes.

• 48:23Griffin McElroy?

  Is the Benedict Cumberbatch 3D animated Grinch pushing it? Wouldn't you agree that he's pushing it a bit for my taste?

• 48:31Travis McElroy?

  It is a bit much. It's a lot. Here's what I will say. It is a lot of time to spend with the Grinch.

• 48:37Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 48:38Travis McElroy?

  Mm hmm. I will say this. He does begin to, his presence does begin to wear on one.

• 48:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 48:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Around hour two. The Grinch is sometimes food, you know? I don't mean that all the time.

• 48:48Griffin McElroy?

  Fable.

• 48:49Travis McElroy?

  It, it. Forty minute fable expanded.

• 48:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:53Travis McElroy?

  The two hours. That's just a lot of personal time with the Grinch.

• 48:57Griffin McElroy?

  He's soft, isn't he? The Benedict Cumberbatch, like they did the Illumination studios, like kinda cute, cute filter on him.

• 49:03Travis McElroy?

  Minionized him.

• 49:04Griffin McElroy?

  He's soft and minionized in this movie. So we have soft Grinch, we have hot Grinch, cartoon favorite Grinch, and then like three or four upsetting human visages of Grinch.

• 49:17Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. Every time the Grinch is seen as a real person, it's terrible.

• 49:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:23Travis McElroy?

  And this is my plea to Hollywood to please don't do it ever again. Thank you. Unless it's Paul Dano. If it's Paul Dano, I'd watch it.

• 49:30Griffin McElroy?

  No, Paul Dano Lorax, Paul, Paul Dano real life Lorax for real. Wouldn't you?

• 49:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:36Griffin McElroy?

  Couldn't you? Would you, could you?

• 49:39Travis McElroy?

  Dano. What if the Dano is also the Wunsler? The Dano is also the Wunsler. How good, how good could that be? Very, very good. That's what I think. Yes, please. I speak for the Dano's. I speak for the Dano's and they are loving it.

• 50:00Travis McElroy?

  I speak for the Me's and we are very pleased.

• 50:06Travis McElroy?

  Dano, you didn't. Okay, listen, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's called My Brother, My Brother, Me. I want to say a special thank you. If you came out for our Candlelight Show last weekend, or you supported that show, or you have already purchased your video on demand ticket for that over at bit.ly/candlelight2025, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. It was, I don't know, I don't want to speak for you guys, but Travis and Griffin loved it. Yeah, I loved it too. Wow, okay. It was, let me, let me lay this out for you guys, so you know what you're getting. First of all, like, two and a half hours of show. It's still available. You can go get it. You can go get your VOD right now. At December 19th at 9:00 PM, it's gonna go live.

• 50:50Travis McElroy?

  There was a new medicine called Chris's in there. There's some things I bought at Sheetz in there. There was a smell-based competition. There was, uh. A lot of surprises, cartoons. Some swapped bits. Yeah, a lot of good stuff. It was, I highly recommend, go to bit.ly/candlelight2025. The video on demand premieres December 19th at 9:00 PM Eastern Time. We will be in the chat, uh, talking through it. That video on demand is available through January 4th. There's bonus behind the scenes footage. All the, uh, benefits from the sales on that and from the show in general are going to Harmony House, uh, which seeks to end homelessness in Huntington.

• 51:33Travis McElroy?

  It's truly, truly a great organization and I think a show you're really gonna enjoy. Bit.ly/candlelight2025. Thank you so much to Montane for the use of our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." It's a really, really kick-ass track. Montane's been, been crushing lately. The, the new album, it's hard to be official, is my number one album according to Spotify wrapped. So it's legit and you're gonna groove on it. Thank you also to you, our sweet listener at home. Okay.

• 52:07Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, we never do that, but thank you to our sweet listener at home.

• 52:10Travis McElroy?

  That's awesome, dude. Yeah, I mean, I love that. That's cool. Um, if you haven't already, go to Instagram and follow McElroy Entertainment System, uh, our new, our new-

• 52:18Griffin McElroy?

  We're real gamers now, and we're gonna make a bunch of gaming stuff next year, so.

• 52:22Travis McElroy?

  Check that out. Justin, you wanna hit us with that fear? Yeah, man. I'd love to.

• 52:31Travis McElroy?

  This year, I wanna live faster than my fear of underwater scenes in movies when we all have to hold our breath with the protagonist.

• 52:38Griffin McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:39Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 52:41Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 52:43Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.

• 53:18Speaker 06

  Maximum Fun.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  A worker-owned network- Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.