Jigging For Squid w/ Harland Williams | Your Mom's House Ep. 882

SPONSORS: For a limited time, get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life, when you head to https://Smalls.com/YMH. Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code MOM. New DraftKings customers can spend five and get two hundred in total bonuses paid within 21 days – includes all markets. Ready to regrow your hair? Start your free online visit today at https://hims.com/YMH for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Sup, chomos! Christina P is back auditioning new dads, and this week's stepdad is the great Harland Williams. Fresh off his first driverless Cybercab ride across Austin, Harland teaches Christina the Canadian art of jigging for squid, then helps her crack the case of a shirtless man in Lancaster who just wants somebody to come over and wrestle. From there it's Robert Paul Champagne's Christmas-wreath apartment, Mickey Mouse's gout, and an energy-healing retreat in a yellow laughing tent that Harland can't stop picking apart. Along the way, Harland hands out his famous silly nicknames, works his Clint Eastwood from Unforgiven ("We all got it coming, kid") into every possible moment, can't unsee the red vein in Jodie Foster's eye through The Silence of the Lambs, and remembers flying 70 feet over a village as Warwick the Warlock in Disney's Spooky Buddies. When Christina steps out for a pee break, Harland takes over the show. Plus: a one-tooth Romeo looking for goth girls, a guy who teaches his meat a lesson with a frying pan, the cussing chef, a man scratching his crack on a subway pole, the ass hoop flute elf, a crocodile getting passed around a party, Disney adults, and a screaming breakdancer. Go listen to The Harland Highway podcast right after. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 882 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:04:42 - Finnish Whiskey & Budapest's Terror House00:09:30 - Dark Tourism & Post-Communist Roller Coasters00:16:28 - Opening Clip: M. Night Shyamalan's Movie Diary00:20:45 - Garth Brooks Discovers Facebook00:28:35 - Temptation On The Road & Rat Whisperer Sam00:34:20 - Rich Depressed Celebrities & Bombing On Purpose00:41:39 - Infinite Pocket Jeans & Christina's Quadruple Ds00:45:15 - Deadbeat Dads, JFK, Marilyn Monroe & Picky Eaters00:50:58 - Christina's Curations: The Chinese Girlfriend Guy00:56:56 - The Cops Read Sam's Joke Notebook01:00:59 - Grizzly Man & Why Christina Hates Nature01:04:25 - The Never-Ending Chili Dog Video01:08:07 - Hillbilly Beatbox & Degenerate DMs01:15:38 - Is It Cake?01:18:22 - Closing Song - "Mommy Fart'n In Yo Face" by DJ Boy Butter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  At Zocdoc, we know you care about your health. You wouldn't do that early morning cardio if you didn't. So the fact that your annual physical is overdue just shows how hard it can be to get seen by a doctor.

• 0:22Speaker 01

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• 0:24Speaker 02

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• 0:28Speaker 01

  The next availability is in three months.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  But Zocdoc makes finding the right doctor easy. Download the app and search by specialty, insurance, and availability. Read real patient reviews, then book instantly. Zocdoc, ready to be seen.

• 0:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, mommies. Welcome to Your Mom's House. I'm so excited. My, um, my stepdad for this week is Harland Williams, my favorite.

• 0:49Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 0:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're auditioning new dads. I don't know if you've heard the news, but Tom and I are getting a divorce.

• 0:55Speaker 04

  I'm sorry to hear that.

• 0:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry too, eh?

• 0:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, hey.

• 0:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's real fucked up.

• 0:59Speaker 04

  Now you can go jigging for squid on your own now, bye.

• 1:04Speaker 04

  Oh, that's tough. I'm sorry, that's not easy.

• 1:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's jigging for squid?

• 1:09Speaker 04

  We're Canadian, you know the east coast?

• 1:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know that one, though.

• 1:11Speaker 04

  That's like the Newfoundlanders.

• 1:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm from Windsor, Ontario.

• 1:15Speaker 04

  I know, but you know the Newfoundlanders.

• 1:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't.

• 1:18Speaker 04

  They're on the east coast there, bye. They get up in the morning, they go jigging for squid there, bye. Get out on the boat and go jigging for squid, bye. You've never jigged for squid?

• 1:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've never jigged for squid.

• 1:31Speaker 04

  Do you know what jigging is?

• 1:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course not. It doesn't sound, it sounds racist.

• 1:34Speaker 04

  You know what squid is?

• 1:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:36Speaker 04

  You know what a squid is? Have you ever eaten calamari?

• 1:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an animal. I love calamartis.

• 1:39Speaker 04

  Okay, or as I call them, deep fried assholes.

• 1:44Speaker 04

  But, uh.

• 1:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the best.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  So squid is, you know, squid is squid. And then the fishermen, they go out on the boat there, bye.

• 1:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  And they put a lure on the end of a fishing line.

• 1:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  And they drop her down deep and they jig.

• 1:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, say it's.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  You jerk the line up and down and you entice the squid and the squid come in with their, their tentacles. And they're like, you know, and they kind of sniff around the, then they attack. And then they pull them jig, jig squid up there to the surface and they squirt their ink like a S-Bon 6590 ink jet printer that's been hit by a steamroller, bye. Or whatever. Are you getting any of this?

• 2:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's an analogy for?

• 2:28Speaker 04

  What? Punching a child in the face? What the hell's wrong with you?

• 2:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Getting it in?

• 2:35Speaker 04

  What?

• 2:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that a now, is that what you say for getting it in?

• 2:38Speaker 04

  Jigging for squid?

• 2:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  Getting it in as in? Are we talking sexual intercourse?

• 2:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Exercise, no, working out.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  No.

• 2:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's what I meant, yeah.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 2:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, I didn't know what you were talking about.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  You're way off.

• 2:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, no, no, okay, I thought so.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  You've changed since your divorce. I don't know you anymore. Good God, someone throw a blue herron through the sky and hit her in the forehead. Wow.

• 3:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's crazy. What are you doing? Where have you been? What are you up to?

• 3:06Speaker 04

  I've been just touring around.

• 3:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:09Speaker 04

  I've been motoring around. I got my first, I look a little like starglazed.

• 3:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you?

• 3:15Speaker 04

  Do I look starglazed right now?

• 3:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  What does that mean?

• 3:17Speaker 04

  Like, just like, you know, somebody woke me up by slapping me in the face with a honey baked glazed ham.

• 3:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that is exactly what I thought when I saw you.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  I got that look, right? Guess why?

• 3:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 3:29Speaker 04

  I was, I was over here at exactly noon. I took my first cyber cab over here.

• 3:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh oh.

• 3:36Speaker 04

  From downtown Austin. And I'm like, I feel like I'm in Star Wars.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you, how did you feel about it? Because I have a love hate relationship. I resent them already.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Why? Have you been in one?

• 3:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I refuse.

• 3:49Speaker 04

  Oh, once you get in one, you're gonna be over all that, girlfriend.

• 3:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 3:53Speaker 04

  It was amazing.

• 3:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tell me everything.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  I mean, the thing, okay, didn't pull right up to my hotel. I had to walk out to the street. So it was off, at first it was off by like 600 feet, but that's okay. It pulled over for me. The back door opened.

• 4:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  I get in, it, I had to put my seatbelt on and then it closed. And then it just started going.

• 4:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you don't have to talk to anybody, which is nice.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  Well, it talks to you. It says, hello, Harland. And I didn't know they talked, so my first command is I, I had it drive into a wall at 60 miles an hour. I wanted to hear it scream. That's what I would do. Yeah, I just wanted to hear it scream. But no, and then it just started going.

• 4:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  And I'm sitting there and you look over, there's no driver. There's no steering wheel, no pedals. And it's going at a, at a good clip. It's like going, it's moving faster than your average bad driver.

• 4:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:45Speaker 04

  Like it's staying at speed. You're whipping along and then it had to make decisions. Like it, it had to make a turn, but there was a guy in a wheelchair going across and it waited.

• 4:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you said speed up? Oh, can you tell it to do? You can't tell it to do stuff though, yeah?

• 5:00Speaker 04

  You can, I think you can. I didn't need to, except for the driving into the wall. I wanted to hear it scream.

• 5:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  But, and it, the scream is like a shriek. I couldn't tell if it'd be a man scream or a woman scream, but it was like a, it was a shriek, like, like, I don't know, like a woman getting hit in the back of the head with a canoe paddle behind a Dairy Queen, if that makes sense.

• 5:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, that's so.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  It was very specific.

• 5:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, yeah, I hear that.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's interesting.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  But it was fascinating. It was, it was like, it wouldn't go on the highway. I thought it would take the highway to get here.

• 5:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  But it did all the backstreets, but that created even more of an intricate web for this thing to navigate. And it was flawless.

• 5:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I'm surprised that you opted for that, being that you have a criminal past. And aren't you afraid that if you get in there and it identifies you, which is gonna take you straight to the cops?

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Let's just say I might've been a bit late. I stopped at the cops, but nothing, a little bribe won't help, you know?

• 5:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just making sure. Listen, I'm so happy you're here and I've pulled such great clips for you. Are you ready for this opener?

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 6:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  You know I'm squeamish.

• 6:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, it's, it's, it's in your lane.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  Are they dirty?

• 6:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, never, not on this show.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Okay, good.

• 6:13Tom Segura?

  So if anybody knows how to wrestle and you live in Lancaster, please come over to my house today, bro. It's fucking Friday, guys. My address is fucking 43708 Heaton Avenue, Lancaster, California, 9354354, something like that.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  I'm getting ready to put the blinder up. He just wants to wrestle, that's it?

• 6:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 6:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow.

• 6:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm just listening, are you feeling it?

• 7:02Speaker 04

  What's happening?

• 7:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you hear the music in your ears?

• 7:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're supposed to enjoy it, just enjoy it.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  But is this the intro to your show?

• 7:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Why is it so long? I could've been doing things.

• 7:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, same.

• 7:13Speaker 04

  I could've done my groceries. I could be in a cyber cab right now going to another podcast.

• 7:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. It's, we're gonna make it longer. Now that Tom and I are divorced, we're gonna have two separate intros and.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  But, like, you want people to dance in between the greet and the beginning of the, like, that was a whole.

• 7:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they've always done that.

• 7:34Speaker 04

  That's long.

• 7:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've been on the show before.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  People don't have time for that kind of intro.

• 7:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  But do they have time to wrestle?

• 7:41Speaker 04

  There's always time to wrestle, if it's in Lancaster. Oh, yeah, desert wrestling is the best. Have you ever done a Bakersfield or a Fresno wrestle?

• 7:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, not a wrestle, but a gig, yeah. Those are the best ones.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Wrestle up there. They use different oils up there. They use, they use Joshua tree oils, yucca oils, and Bakersfield is onions and raisin country. That's where they, they harvest them.

• 8:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  So you haven't wrestled till you're covered in onion oil.

• 8:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I prefer the first one. You said there's lavender in there and, right? Don't they infuse it with like fancy, like patchouli's and lavenders?

• 8:17Speaker 04

  No, I said Joshua tree.

• 8:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Joshua tree? That's not lavenders and stuff?

• 8:21Speaker 04

  No, no, Joshua tree is a very specific tree that only grows in that region of the world. It doesn't grow anywhere else in the whole, on the whole planet.

• 8:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I didn't know.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Wow, bro, where you been wrestling?

• 8:35Speaker 04

  God.

• 8:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, can I watch?

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Someone get this lady some Clearasil acne cream.

• 8:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta, I gotta study this again. I have to see this again because it's so, there's so much happening, like it's.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  It's just a guy saying, do you wanna wrestle?

• 8:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you think. Say, say, here's, here's what I'm saying. There's clips that come along once every few years on this show where you're like, that's not a big deal. And then you go deeper and I got a feeling, and I'll tell you why.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 9:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll tell you why this gives me, hold on, this gives me vibes.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  You're setting me up.

• 9:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I am a little bit.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  You're setting a player up.

• 9:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I am. Hold on, and here's what, where's, okay, okay, okay, here we go.

• 9:14Speaker 06

  Here's a deal, man.

• 9:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gives me those kinds of vibes.

• 9:17Speaker 06

  From mild to wild to kink. Try it out.

• 9:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Only because, have you ever heard of Robert Paul champagne?

• 9:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 9:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, dude. Okay, just buckle up. Here we go, ready?

• 9:28Speaker 06

  Black guys would love to fucking fuck good. If you're a hot black guy and you wanna fuck me at $23.95. If you wanna move in, you can move in, but you gotta fuck me. I need, I need to be fucked a lot, man. Get free food, free rent and everything else, man. Here's a deal, man.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  What the hell? Is that Cheech?

• 9:49Speaker 06

  Try it out.

• 9:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think?

• 9:51Speaker 04

  It's disgusting. Like, what is this? Is he laying in a Christmas arrangement there? It's like, it looks like if I, if he pulled back and being in the manger and Mary and Jesus would be like, what the hell did we immaculate child? We didn't have sex for this? What is he, what's he laying in? There's like ribbons around him and a Christmas, there's a Christmas wreath on the door.

• 10:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you're not gonna.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  Is he a Christmas perv?

• 10:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you're not gonna believe this, but we actually got to know him very well over the years.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Who perv on the shelf over here? Good Lord. That mustache has to have, speaking of oils, you squeeze that mustache and how many men are gonna wring out of that thing? That's like a gay Shamwow sitting on his clit mantle.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 10:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  So we, we've been in his apartment and yes, you're right, it's a lot.

• 10:55Speaker 04

  What's wrong with you when you wonder why you're divorced?

• 11:01Speaker 04

  Honey, where were you today while I was picking up the kids? Well, there's this dirty, smelly mustache full of man oils. I'd like you to go jigging for it yourself, Tommy.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  When you get the chance, bud.

• 11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, but Robert's into men, but I think he might make an exception for me because he and I have a very special connection.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he gave me a bunch of his Barbie dolls that he's collected over the years and nice jewelry and stuff. And he does have lots of ribbons and like festive things in his apartment, which is what you are, you're correct, is what I'm trying to say is that yes, those are Christmasy ornaments.

• 11:39Speaker 04

  You know what? What I'm getting from this is it's never too late to make new friends.

• 11:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Isn't that wonderful? Oh, bless you, angel.

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 12:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Their fur is silkier and there's just more like pep in their step. And the litter box is way less of a nightmare. So it's been a win-win. Smalls is different. The recipes are made with at least 80% animal protein, gently cooked to keep all the nutrients and flavor. Forbes ranked Smalls the best overall cat food and BuzzFeed says, "My cats went completely ballistic for this stuff." As did mine. I mean, I was surprised how beautiful even the packaging is. I'm like, is this for me or the cats? Your cat's health and longevity starts with what they eat for a limited time because you are a Mom's House listener. Get 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life

• 13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 13:23Tom Segura?

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• 14:07Tom Segura?

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• 14:26Speaker 02

  Bet with DK Sportsbook. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESSET. Connecticut, call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax, past due may apply in Illinois, 21 and over. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offered void in New York. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get predictions dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook predictions and free to play sports contest. Availability varies by state.

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Let's use cinnamon perv, angel.

• 15:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's see this other guy's offer because I think, I think you said this right off the cuff. You were like, wait a minute, is this just about wrestling?

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's take, let's watch it again. And let's see if we can piece this mystery together.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Again, we're gonna watch it.

• 15:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because I gotta, I gotta go deeper on this.

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Okay, clockwork orange.

• 15:26Tom Segura?

  So if anybody knows how to wrestle and you live in Lancaster, please come more to my house today, bro. It's fucking Friday, guys. My address is fucking 43708 Heaton Avenue, Lancaster, California. 935-1354, something like that.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  Thank God Mickey Mouse is in the background, huh?

• 15:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the problem. So this is where the confusion lies for me a lot is that there's Mickey Mouse poster in the background, right? So you think, well, maybe this guy is just innocently asking for the wrestling, but then he's shirtless and he's like, it's fucking Friday, which it's Friday. He wants to get turned up. You know what I'm saying? Like.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  What's that term?

• 16:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that what the kids say?

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Turned up?

• 16:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what they all say now.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  I think it's.

• 16:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  10 years ago.

• 16:06Speaker 04

  I think it's taint up is what you're trying to say. You got a few letters wrong.

• 16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. They get tainted up.

• 16:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's, I'm sorry. You're right. They got taint up and he wants to party. And I think wrestling is code for gay sex.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  Since when did partying, which is a festive event with balloons and cakes and clowns, become synonymous with creeps rolling around naked, covered in Vaseline, power hammering each other with Mickey Mouse watching? Oh, boy. That's some really good wrestling. Put a headlock on him. Choke him out. Choke him out, little buddy. Oh, oh, he's about to achieve. Oh, don't get any on me. I'm up by the ceiling. Oh, the ceiling fan had to be on. Ah, ah, it's like I'm in a water wiggle of white water. Oh, boy. Anyway.

• 17:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Puppy, puppy, dog tails. How does it go?

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Let's not bring that into it. That's one Disney icon. Let's not bring, my, my guys don't do this stuff. Easy Sally Struthers. I'll adopt five children and put them to work in the yard. If you say one more word, Struthers.

• 17:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  For those of you don't know.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  Easy Sally Struthers.

• 17:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so good at your voices. I haven't heard your voice in my house in a long time. I'm just saying, we may have watched some shows that you do cartoon voices for. Do you know this guy since you are in the Disney family?

• 17:38Speaker 04

  What guy?

• 17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, did you give him that poster to put?

• 17:41Speaker 04

  No, no, no. I have nothing to do with Mickey. My shows, mine, mine's puppies, not mice. Not mice in tight red shorts and demented yellow shoes and Michael Jackson's dirty monkey gloves.

• 17:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Fair enough.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Like, don't mice have like small little mice feet? And somehow Mickey's got these giant corn cobs on his feet.

• 18:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  What do his stupid feet look like? Is anyone taking those dumb yellow shoes off? He's probably got like leprosy or something.

• 18:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're right. Why does he have big stupid?

• 18:18Speaker 04

  I think he's got elephantitis. Like he's probably got like clumped up, like growths and.

• 18:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Gout.

• 18:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's got gout.

• 18:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  He's got gout.

• 18:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's wearing like clogs.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like from the Netherlands. Like, where is he? And why does he need gloves?

• 18:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, he looks like he should be making wine in, you know, up in Fresno or something with his restless leg syndrome feet.

• 18:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what? We gotta get out of this stuff. I don't want to talk about, I don't want to talk about Disney. Let's, let's do something a little more adult since we're adults. Okay? Have you ever done this energy play?

• 19:08Speaker 04

  Is it energy play or the biggest collection of faking it I've ever seen in my life? Like, what a bunch of actors. Like as if they feel a damn thing.

• 19:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  And does it have to be fatty, fatty two by four all over them? Like, what's she feeling their stomachs to see what they ate yesterday? Like, what the hell? Oh, this is just annoying.

• 19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's terrible. And so far I'm looking, there's not one of these people I'd want to lay my head on. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they're all, and they're, you're right. They're such like, they're so fucking thirsty for attention.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  Whatever it is, somebody talked them into the concept that, oh, you can release your inner energy and all your turmoil if you let a 400 pound woman in a little house in the prairie dress kneel and not be able to stand up and rub her, I can't believe it's not butter, hands all over your womb. And then the electricity of that'll go, as if she's got the, the electricity of Elvis himself just goes right through all these flabby bodies and they all just emote.

• 20:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true. So she starts it, the, the fat sweaty lady at the end. Like she's like, she does like a Mr. Miyagi and then puts her hands on someone's stomach. Is that, and I guess that's how the train, the energy train starts. Hold on. Ew, God, this is.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  It's like a bad theater class. Where you ever, you ever do like, you ever take theater arts? And before you start acting, they just, okay, students, let's improv. You're a tree, you're a cat.

• 20:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hated that.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  And it was just like, so get the energy going. It just, I don't know where, who has time in their day for this?

• 21:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hated that so much. Those acting class warmup exercises to get you to be silly.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, I resented that. I don't like that. But okay, here's another one. Okay, here's another one though. Okay. Let's say you meet the woman of your dreams. Like she's a 10 out of 10. Just everything you want.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But she's into this shit. Ready?

• 21:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very good, very good, yay! Very good, very good, yay! Very good, very good, yay! It's all white chicks.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  In a yellow tent. Good God. Yeah, that's exactly like those exercises you do when you're in theater class.

• 21:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, very good. Okay, but I'm telling you, she's like the woman of your dreams. But hold on, every weekend, she's like, Harland, I gotta go do my very good, very good yeah retreat in the yellow tent. And you're like, alright, sweetie, I'll see you later.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Well, no, the subtext is, honey, I've gotta go con forty people out of three hundred dollars and come home in two hours with four grand in my pocket. Where do you wanna go for lobster tonight? And I'm like, you're the woman of my dreams.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  You are the woman of my dreams. Go con those desperate, empty people.

• 22:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 04

  I shouldn't say that. I'm open-minded, you know? If you wanna do that, and if anything in life gives you relief or pleasure, or you know what, do it. I'm taking a crack at them because it's your show, but I'm really not that closed-minded. I think humans are very complicated and have a need to emote and express and release. And you know what? For someone that's had a bad week, or maybe lost a child, or was in a car accident, or suffered trauma, that might be the exact thing they need.

• 22:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think that's what's gonna do it?

• 23:00Speaker 04

  I'm joking around with it, but I don't wanna come across as judgy because everyone's so different and you're not buying it.

• 23:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I disagree. Here's what you do when you're depressed.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  I'd rather just go jigging for squid myself.

• 23:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You rip a fucking dart, you have a drink like a grown-up. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, as an adult.

• 23:19Speaker 04

  You do, but for some people, like, somebody somehow must have had to seek this out. And the fact that there's forty of them in a carnival tent, somehow there must be a need for this somewhere.

• 23:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, and I swore I wouldn't smoke on today's episode, but this makes me so angry, and it upsets me so much.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  I'd do the whole deck.

• 23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I think I will.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  I'll have one.

• 23:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, here.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  I don't even smoke.

• 23:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's do it. As somebody that is going through a very depressing year for them, like, this is, this would put me in my grave, truly. Like, this is not what we wanna be doing when you're bummed.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.

• 23:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Before we get all judgy.

• 23:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, go ahead.

• 23:58Speaker 04

  You are going through a traumatic time.

• 24:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  And it's not easy mentally and spiritually and psychologically.

• 24:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  Maybe, what if, something like that? Even if it helped incrementally five percent? I think you're being closed-minded.

• 24:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can raise my Prozac by five percent and get the same... Oh, do you need a lighter? Are you really gonna rip a dart with me, Harland? Have you ever smoked a cigarette? You're very clean. Like, you don't drink, you don't smoke, right?

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Well, I'm going to now.

• 24:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Do you drink alcohol?

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Every now and then, rarely.

• 24:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you're not like a big, you don't smoke weed or anything?

• 24:36Speaker 04

  Rarely.

• 24:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're not that guy.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  Is it lit?

• 24:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 24:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's still lit. No, you've still gotta go. It's good. You did good. How does that feel?

• 24:49Speaker 04

  I'll tell you how it feels.

• 24:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so much better than that, huh? Yeah, see, this brings me real joy.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, cancer.

• 25:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's the best.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Nothing like dying slowly to bring you joy.

• 25:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You said it, kid. My thoughts exactly.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, kid.

• 25:10Tom Segura?

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• 26:39Tom Segura?

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• 27:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, have you ever dated a Goth girl?

• 27:24Speaker 04

  A golf girl?

• 27:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Goth. A golf girl. A Goth girl.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  A Goth girl? Like a full-on, like, vampire, like, Walking Dead makeup, halitosis, gingivitis, foot rot?

• 27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why did you have to add all that?

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Well, they're Goth girls. They're not the cleanest people on the planet.

• 27:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, how do you know that?

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Well, I just was about to tell you, I've dated one.

• 27:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you haven't.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, kid.

• 27:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've really dated a Goth girl?

• 27:59Speaker 04

  Ah, gosh, I don't know.

• 28:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You would know.

• 28:02Speaker 04

  I don't know. I can't say that I've ever dated like a full-blown Goth girl.

• 28:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what, just a depressed chick?

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Uh, I'm sure most people go through bouts of depression, so that would be accurate.

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  But not a man... Actually, I did date a girl once, and I dubbed her, her name was El Depresso, I called her.

• 28:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 28:23Speaker 04

  Because she was such a downer, and she was stunning. She looked like Julia Roberts, like, beautiful. And I was so excited to date her, and then just she was, her energy was just like, oh... She was almost like Droopy the Dog, like, you wanna go to the opera? Yeah, I guess so.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  You wanna go on a cruise and take the Concorde to get there? Yeah, that would be fine. I guess so. Oh, well, whatever.

• 28:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a really good Droopy Dog. Have you done that on stage?

• 28:55Speaker 04

  No.

• 28:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, you really gotta write a joke and do Droopy Dog. So good.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  I wish you'd stop telling me how to live my life.

• 29:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. I'm so bossy today.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  You've changed since your divorce. I don't know you anymore.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  Can you say to me, if you don't mind, and I know this is your show, so I don't wanna jump in, but if you wouldn't mind just saying to me, he had it coming, mister?

• 29:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  He had it coming, mister.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, kid.

• 29:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you just ashed in your lap. You do have to ash in the, in the act. You don't wanna light yourself on fire.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  I don't know these things.

• 29:33Speaker 04

  How long you been smoking Wildberry Cooler Lips?

• 29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God, I was just gonna ask you to call me something silly. That's what I've been waiting for this whole time.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Oh. Well, maybe I will.

• 29:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  How you doing, snapdragons? McGillicuddy? Didn't I open for you at Crackers in Indianapolis? I don't think you would remember. I would remember. Yeah, I think I fucking opened for you. Remember Crackers in Indianapolis? The one, um, yeah, the downtown?

• 29:58Speaker 04

  That club they built in 1984 and they never changed a fiber or a molecule of the whole thing? Like, still had the same stage when Wham was still emerging.

• 30:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they had Groucho Marx, but it looked like Hitler, so every comic would go up and be like, Hitler's...

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Hitler Marx, yeah.

• 30:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that was the first time I ever saw you do that stuff, where you would like, call people silly names in the audience. It blew me away.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  Really?

• 30:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just come up with those?

• 30:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, dude, give me, give me another one. Give me a big Harland.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Uh, okay. How you doing there, cinnamon crackle nutmeg teeth?

• 30:38Speaker 04

  You asked for it, kid.

• 30:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, thank you.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Where's my camera?

• 30:46Speaker 04

  Is it here?

• 30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. I think it's there.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, kid.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  You know what that's from, don't you?

• 30:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 30:57Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it Clint Eastwood?

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, The Unforgiven.

• 31:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I don't think I've seen that. Is it Leonardo DiCaprio?

• 31:04Speaker 04

  No, they're with Morgan Freeman, and they're on the outside of town.

• 31:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bring that up, bring that up.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  They're on the outside of town, and Morgan Freeman was his buddy, and they propped him up in front of the bar. Gene Hackman put him in front of the bar as corpse.

• 31:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  And the girl rides out and...

• 31:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That sounds really fun.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  He's there with the little cowboy kid.

• 31:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, see, I'm depressed. I can't be watching shit like that right now.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  Are you depressed?

• 31:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm just kidding. I'm always depressed. But look at that! No, no, yeah, no, I'm not. I'm just kidding. I don't, that doesn't sound like something I'd wanna see. You know, I'm a lady.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  It won a bunch of Oscars.

• 31:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a lady. You know what I really love?

• 31:37Speaker 04

  Ma, let me guess, My Fair Lady, or...

• 31:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I love that stuff.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. We all got it coming, kid.

• 31:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, can you call me a silly name in the Clint Eastwood voice?

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  You have to set me up. You have to say, he had it coming, mister.

• 32:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He had it coming, mister.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, Pepperidge Farm broccoli ass.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  And I meant the last part.

• 32:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know.

• 32:16Speaker 04

  You two have a broccoli ass.

• 32:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is, yeah, it's turning that way. It's never been good. I never got blessed with an ass.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 32:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, what's your favorite part like of you? Like, what do you think you got blessed with physically?

• 32:28Speaker 04

  With me?

• 32:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your hair is great, by the way. You've got really good hair.

• 32:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know, as I've gotten older, my hair's just kind of hung on.

• 32:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's great.

• 32:36Speaker 04

  And people comment on it a lot, so uh, at the uh, uh, uh, trying to be humble, I would say my hair because that's what people tell me.

• 32:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  So lucky. Here, look, with hair like that.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just watch this, see.

• 32:49Tom Segura?

  I just thought I'd let y'all know. I like them gothy girls. They're pretty cool. I think they're all right, you know? Them uh, goth girls. I got a lot of them as fans, so I just wanted to let you know.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I really like your videos. You're doing pretty good. You need a little help, though. You need an assistant. You need an assistant with all that, you know? You need a professional assistant.

• 33:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:17Tom Segura?

  To help you intrigue your audience.

• 33:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:20Tom Segura?

  You know, so yeah, I'd volunteer to be your assistant.

• 33:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 33:24Tom Segura?

  You know, we'll make some viral videos together. Be professional. You know, do it right.

• 33:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do it right.

• 33:31Tom Segura?

  You tease, I get along with that. And we, we do it, you know, as a video, you know? I, I'll put on the act for you and uh, you put on the show and uh, I'll be your assistant. See? There you go. Goth girls, love them.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  I gotta tell you, those teeth. If I was a cob of corn, that's the guy I'd want to eat me. Cause he would not harm one niblet on my elongated yellow body.

• 33:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 34:01Speaker 04

  Can you roll it to where he's smiling?

• 34:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm sure I can.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  That giant monster gap where you could probably run a, this toy electric train through there.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  Like, yeah, if you're a cob of corn, that's the safety zone for you.

• 34:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  He could roll it around like a lumberjack log rolling on Lake Okeechobee, suck my sister's face.

• 34:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that is the tooth that is still there. Look, look, I had one of my teeth knocked out as a kid.

• 34:29Speaker 04

  How?

• 34:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, on the school playground, I was playing on some metal rings when I was like nine, you know?

• 34:34Speaker 04

  Is that the story your dad told?

• 34:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I have, I have like empathy for people who are missing one front tooth.

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 34:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I have to say, the one that's remaining is really nice.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 34:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not bad.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  If you like pumpkins.

• 34:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you on the apps, Harland, or, or do you, are you dating on the apps?

• 34:55Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 34:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, so you just make a video like this?

• 34:59Speaker 04

  What do you mean, to reach out to?

• 35:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  To ladies. That's what he's doing.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, no, that's a bit too desperate. I mean, it, it just, it just seems like a random, like, like cattle call. He just, he just put it on TikTok, hoping that someone saw it and found him?

• 35:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But isn't that the way to find love? Just put it out there?

• 35:21Speaker 04

  What I would love is if he found a woman that had a tooth missing on the same side. And when they, and when they kissed, their tapeworm went back and forth and they got to share a tapeworm. That would be dandy.

• 35:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  That would be so cool. Yep. Yeah, I like that. Okay.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  Now, that's, that looks like a jig's, a squid jigger right there. You're wondering what they look like.

• 35:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  You can tell that, that boy's been out there jigging for squid there.

• 35:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's been jigging for squids. This one's pretty cool.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  It's not a real bog. It's not a real bog. Stop. It's a towel, it's a print. What is he, an idiot?

• 36:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  Why doesn't he just get some off? Why doesn't he get some fuck off? He's a loser.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Unbelievable. Who has a yellow and green butterfly towel? Does the word Silence of the Losers ring a bell?

• 36:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't even think about that.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Good God.

• 36:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the choice of towel color, it's not masculine. But you don't, you've never done that before, just?

• 36:31Speaker 04

  Hammered my meat with a Tefal fry pan? Yeah, I have, what about it?

• 36:42Speaker 04

  You're gonna laugh.

• 36:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I had a feeling, I just had a feeling that was something you were into. I don't know why, but I just.

• 36:48Speaker 04

  Well, sometimes the little fella stands up when you don't want him to. And you gotta teach him who's in charge.

• 36:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that what that, is this what, it's like shame?

• 36:57Speaker 04

  Sometimes, women don't know this, but most of the time, men are triggered by erotica or sexual stimulation.

• 37:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 37:05Speaker 04

  And the little buddy stands up. But every now and then, it gets a mind of its own and it likes to wander. Like a lost giraffe in the Kalahari. And uh, you gotta teach it uh, who's in charge. So what you do is you get a big steel flapjack fry pan and smack it around like a cyclops trying to break through the castle door. If that makes sense. Oh, wait, was that a great big fat erection?

• 37:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man, I've seen that movie so many times.

• 37:37Speaker 04

  Oh, you want me to ruin it for you?

• 37:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please.

• 37:40Speaker 04

  If you look at Jodie Foster's left eye through the whole movie, this must have been pre, you know? She's got a red vein in the side, in the inner eye.

• 37:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Foster's eye?

• 37:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, and the whole time, you're just fixed on?

• 37:55Speaker 04

  Did they not have like Visine or like eye drop? Like, it just, it takes me out of the movie.

• 38:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, you're right, cause when you shoot, like when I shoot specials and stuff, they always make sure the whites of your eyes are super white.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  But in this movie, all the way through it, she's got this big red vein.

• 38:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Can you make it bigger? Dude, you're right.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  I forget which eye, but it's one, there it is, on the left, yeah. And it's all through the damn movie and I just, it's, forget Hannibal Lecter. This is what scares me.

• 38:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  First part, then nobody put the drops in her eyes.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  Pulse eye, look at that.

• 38:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 38:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Disgusting.

• 38:32Speaker 04

  Like, come on.

• 38:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I used to think she was attractive and talented and now?

• 38:35Speaker 04

  Till this, yeah.

• 38:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  The whole fucking thing is destroyed.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Captain Blood Eye over here. Maybe someone hit her in the eye with a fry pan.

• 38:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Probably.

• 38:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. Probably saw the butterfly flying around, that Silence of the Lambs butterfly. Wham.

• 38:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'd be good playing like a creepy guy. Have you ever played a creepy guy?

• 38:53Speaker 04

  Oh, wait. She's a great big fat person. Yeah, I think, yeah, I could play a creepy guy.

• 39:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Have you ever played like a dark character?

• 39:03Speaker 04

  I did, I, I did a, a kid's movie for Disney called Spooky Buddies. And I played Warwick the Warlock.

• 39:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bring up Warwick the Warlock, please.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I was this, uh, this creepy evil warlock that took, took over the town and was trying to destroy, steal everyone's puppies.

• 39:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this like a Halloween type of?

• 39:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, look at that.

• 39:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm gonna watch it this Halloween with my kids.

• 39:24Speaker 04

  That's pretty dark right there.

• 39:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you are.

• 39:27Speaker 04

  It's Warwick the Warlock.

• 39:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang. You look good with black hair.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  Pretty cool, huh?

• 39:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 04

  It was cool. I had that, that staff that I have in my hand there, I, they had to, they had to heist me up uh, about 70 feet in the air on a crane. And strap me in and they, they affixed the uh, the staff to my feet. And I had to chase children through the village in real time. They had like five kids and I was swinging over them like 70 feet in the air as this warlock. And it was so cool, like it felt real because I was, I was literally flying after them like, ah, ah, ah. And it was, it was cool. It's fun to play, it's fun to play a dark, yeah, there I am, floating.

• 40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so cool.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  Oh, it was super cool, yeah. And it's fun, it's fun as an actor to, that's the beauty of acting. You can tap into all these different layers of your emotional lasagna.

• 40:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I hate acting.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Oh, you do?

• 40:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, now you just put, I couldn't figure out why for years. I don't like tapping into my emotional lasagna publicly. Unless it's on this podcast, like I can cry on this show and I can cry on stage. But for some reason, acting, I always felt like so, I just felt like a big phony. Where are my darts? You got my darts?

• 40:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, you want another one?

• 40:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Sorry, do I rip darts on this show now?

• 40:46Speaker 04

  It's okay.

• 40:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's interesting. You're not even, it's not lit, Harland.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 40:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta light it, buddy.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  I'm acting.

• 40:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on, buddy.

• 40:59Speaker 04

  I'm Warwick-ing.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  We all got a common gift. What the hell is that?

• 41:06Tom Segura?

  Good afternoon, bitch. Fuck you. Eat a dick. This what it look like when you make homemade chicken nuggets bitch from real fucking chicken bitch.

• 41:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:16Tom Segura?

  This is what it looks like.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  There's your ass.

• 41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  There I am, yeah.

• 41:20Tom Segura?

  This is what it looks like when you make homemade red rice bitch. I don't cook for you hoes. I cook for me, myself, my motherfucking family members and all my other folks that wanna eat what the fuck I cook bitch. So go ahead and fight me in the motherfucking comments hoe cuz I'mma keep on cooking. I'mma keep on posting and y'all gonna keep on eating dick bitch. Bye.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  Like so ugly, so toxic that she could, she could put a lobster or a pheasant under glass in front of me and I wouldn't touch it. I don't want, because that energy, food is a gesture. It's a gesture of love and giving and you're taking the time to cook. When you got that attitude and that kinda mouth, that's foul. I'd rather have that fat woman from Pepperidge Farm rubbing my stomach and making me giggle.

• 42:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, I think what happened was, just coming at this from a mom's point of view, is that some other mom was like, "You ain't cooking shit. Your cooking sucks for your kids." And then she was like, "Oh yeah bitch, here's what I cook." Is there any background on this?

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Can you do smoke circles?

• 42:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, I used to when I was 13, let me see.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  I'm having trouble.

• 42:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here, give me the lighter, I'll tell you what's up. Oh, she can, confrontational voiceovers. Give me that lighter.

• 42:45Speaker 04

  Do you want me to light it or do you wanna do it?

• 42:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I don't trust you. You don't seem to know how to.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  I just blew smoke circles. Or calamari rings. If you're a fatty on your knees rubbing strangers in a yellow tent now, child.

• 43:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 43:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I used to be able to.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Well, there you go.

• 43:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah?

• 43:11Speaker 04

  Not so much a circle, but just like.

• 43:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is it? Was it rectangle?

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Like a mess.

• 43:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Like a blobular.

• 43:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:19Speaker 04

  Pollution, air pollution.

• 43:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta work on it. Wait, what is this bitch?

• 43:22Speaker 04

  How long you been smoking, player?

• 43:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I smoked from 13 years old to 30 and then I went to a hypnotist and I stopped smoking until I was 50. And then I, the day I was like, "Oh, I gotta get a divorce." And then I just started ripping darts again. It was like I regressed to the thing that brought me so much comfort.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  It's a bit of a coping mechanism now.

• 43:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Speaker 04

  You think you'll drop it?

• 43:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 04

  You're not gonna stick with it. It's just to kinda get through this rough time.

• 43:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred percent.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 43:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'll go back. What, what are you doing when you're sad?

• 43:49Speaker 04

  I like to punch seniors.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Just such a stress relief and I don't have to worry about lung cancer.

• 43:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  And I love to punch the ones that already have lung cancer and say, "Why'd you smoke your whole life granny?"

• 44:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dummy.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Wham, dummy.

• 44:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stop doing this. I'm gonna give myself a year. Cuz I even, I even emailed the woman that hypnotized me the first time and I was like, listen, her name is Rita Black. She's really good. If you're in LA and you wanna quit smoking, go to Rita Black.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, nothing like curing your ailments than going to a witch.

• 44:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's, she is a very good witch. And.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I quit smoking, but now I have tadpole legs. I can't figure it out. Yeah, I stopped drinking, but I just left 9,000 salamander eggs under a log this morning.

• 44:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I did for 20 years.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  You what?

• 44:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's what I did for 20 years. Instead of smoking, I would put salamander eggs under rocks. How did you know that?

• 44:50Speaker 04

  Look at you.

• 44:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so crazy.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, I emailed her and she was like, "I won't treat you yet." She's like, "I won't." She's like, "You need to really blow it out. Keep doing this until you wanna kill yourself basically and then come to me." And I was like, "All right, fair enough." You have to be ready to quit is what she was saying. Yeah, you know how it is. You've been smoking for years.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  Smoking hot.

• 45:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Heyo.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 45:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You wanna watch TikToks with me?

• 45:19Speaker 04

  Do I have a choice?

• 45:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  I mean, you already stuffed a fatty, a wrestler and the swearing goulash chef.

• 45:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck dude, I just put my cigarette in my watery ashtray. That's okay, I didn't want it anyway. I'm done with it.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  It's a sign.

• 45:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a sign, yeah. It's like, just smoking anyway.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  Signed to quit. How long are you gonna keep puffing?

• 45:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I'm gonna give myself a year of just being a mess.

• 45:44Speaker 04

  Morning?

• 45:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, yeah, a year of just like, okay, I'm drinking too much. I lived in my pool the entire month of August. Like I just stayed in my pool. I took like Zoom calls in my swimming pool. I just lived in my swimming pool. Yeah, and then I ate nothing but Domino's pizza once a day. I'd order a flat, a thin crust supreme.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  What did the water do? It just sort of calmed your body? Kind of back to the womb in the embryonic fluid type of vibe?

• 46:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I listened to the Smiths.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Oh wow, those are your neighbors?

• 46:20Speaker 04

  Do you have a fence?

• 46:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do.

• 46:22Speaker 04

  Okay. What about the Johnsons? Did you listen to them?

• 46:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't listen to the Johnsons. No, I'm not familiar with them.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  They're on the other side.

• 46:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't talk to those folks. Okay, you ready?

• 46:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could see you doing this.

• 46:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dick. What a dick.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  Like a lion, a jaguar, a grizzly bear or a Yeti's gonna, oh, it's just me. It's just me, the cowardly lion. I ruff, I ruff and I, oh. If I were the king of the forest.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, kid.

• 47:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really good.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Right?

• 47:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that was really good.

• 47:16Speaker 04

  I deserve a belly rub from a fatty.

• 47:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. He's not gonna be like, "It's just me."

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doing metal vocals.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  Just me hiding behind a rock.

• 47:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Baby, I gotta take a piss, one second. You have to pee?

• 47:30Speaker 04

  You gotta take a pee?

• 47:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm. Sometimes I stop and I pee. I've been drinking coffee and water.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  Do you want me to kinda hold down the podcast?

• 47:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  We can pause, we can pause. I mean, you can.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  I can't. Yeah, I'll take care of it. You think I'm, I can't do, you think I can't do this? So Donny, roll the video of the little kid puking on his mother's face.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  Donny?

• 47:58Speaker 04

  Donny, are you in the booth?

• 48:00Tom Segura?

  Hold on, I'm looking for it.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  Okay, Donny, and if you can't find that one, I think there's a video of three fat people wrestling, covered in lasagna in the back dumpster at an Olive Garden. Get me that one. That one's a beauty.

• 48:18Speaker 04

  But yeah, we're taking a little pause here today, gang. Christina P, and it's right there in the name, P, she's gone to take a pee. And in keeping with the integrity of the show, little did she know, we have a camera under the toilet ring. So we're about to see a water show the likes of Ether Williams never saw. Uh, she's gonna be letting it rip. It's gonna be a fine tone of laughing tent yellow. And she's gonna go to town. So we hope you enjoy that. Roll the Christina P pee.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  Guys?

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Guys?

• 49:07Speaker 04

  All right, well, while we're waiting, why don't we, uh, why don't we find the video of Clint Eastwood? And it's the movie The Unforgiven. And it's the scene where he's standing by the dead tree and he says that whole beautiful speech, "We all got it coming, kid." Because I think for reference, it's important for people, there we go. Guys, uh, let's roll this and, uh, and I think it's important people see this, roll it.

• 49:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  What you talking about?

• 49:47Speaker 04

  Shh, I'm doing a podcast. God, have some manners.

• 49:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're the best guest ever. Oh.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  Shh. Quit wrecking my podcast. Here we go. We all have it coming, kid.

• 50:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. All right.

• 50:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. Wow. He really liked that.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  We all have it coming, kid.

• 50:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I feel like he just said the same lines over and over again, Clint. He's always like, "That's what it's like killing somebody."

• 50:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's just a man of few words, direct to the point, but that's what gives it its bravado, that it's, it's not over saturated, it's not too flowery, it's just direct to the point.

• 50:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, it's like, it's like my dad would be like that, like, "It is what it is." Just like so hard. Yeah, but Hungarian, so like, "It is what it is, who cares your feelings."

• 50:39Speaker 04

  Do you speak Hungarian?

• 50:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very poorly, but yeah.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  Can you say "it is what it is" in Hungarian?

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Azizh me, I don't know, azizh me, azizh? Azaz me, azaz?

• 50:49Speaker 04

  You could've just said you can't.

• 50:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I don't know, cuz the grammar, I don't know. I just say, "It is what it is." Az me, az.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Not the same effect. I don't wanna watch that movie and the kid goes, "He had it coming, mister," and Clint's like,

• 51:08Speaker 04

  It's not gonna fly.

• 51:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Azvon.

• 51:10Speaker 04

  It's not gonna, too late.

• 51:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is how it is. Azvon.

• 51:13Speaker 04

  Let's not wreck the movie, please, hey.

• 51:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Set at me.

• 51:16Speaker 04

  Dial it down, Nacho.

• 51:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, Nacho, here we go. We gotta do more talks.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 51:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you gonna go to this tonight?

• 51:27Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 51:36Speaker 04

  It's like somebody skinned Elmo. What the hell is that?

• 51:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Kill Tony. That's what you're doing tonight.

• 51:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the opening act.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  I actually like this.

• 51:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me too.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  Can we watch that again? Just the screaming part?

• 51:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  Like, I actually think that's funny.

• 51:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here you go.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  Oh, that's so David Lynch.

• 52:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  That's right out of a David.

• 52:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:19Speaker 04

  That's gotta be about the David Lynch movie he never released.

• 52:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I like it.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  Did you ever see that scene where that guy, Bill Pullman's at a party? And that weird guy walks up to him?

• 52:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the backwards guy?

• 52:35Speaker 04

  "We've met before, haven't we?" And he goes, "I don't think so." He goes, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm at your house right now." He goes, "What the hell are you talking about?" Pulls out his phone, he goes, "Call me." And Bill's like, "What the hell?" And he, he calls, he goes, and he hears, "I told you I was here." Oh, it's great. I don't know if you want to pull that one up.

• 52:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we can't. We can't because we can't show these clips on.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  Oh, you can't?

• 53:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can't we? I don't think we can.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  Oh, then that was a whole wasted two minutes.

• 53:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's okay. It was fun to watch you do it.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  Oh, damn, sorry.

• 53:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I liked watching it because you really were into it, like.

• 53:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, but now you can't even show. But wait a minute, why can you show chubby rubbing strangers in a butter tent?

• 53:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because there's no copyright.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  But you can't show an Oscar winning.

• 53:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no copyright infringement.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  There's no copyright on chubby rubbing?

• 53:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 53:25Speaker 04

  Oh, wow, okay.

• 53:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or on this. Here, tell me if you're into this too.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  Okay, well, I just feel bad now. Oh.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  All right, have you ever heard of Cirque du Soleil? What is this guy?

• 53:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've been like following him. For some reason, he likes to do it this way, and I'm not sure what the, what's going on.

• 53:57Speaker 04

  He doesn't enjoy the comfort of a soft, like, gym mat.

• 54:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 54:01Speaker 04

  He likes to.

• 54:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the fall, the, uh, like, he's not, it's, they teach you how to do a somersault when you're like three years old. Like, did he not?

• 54:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that like the Turkish version?

• 54:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, what is the upside to slamming your body onto hard concrete or marble? Is he self punishing? Does he feel guilty about something?

• 54:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe. Let's see him again. I love his, hold on, I love watching this guy do it.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  Did he listen to George Michael and take it too seriously?

• 54:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bam. But he can do them. Maybe it's to show us that he can.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is there a competition he's preparing for where other people do it this way?

• 54:44Speaker 04

  I guess she can't play music either. It's copyrighted. All I'm hearing is Boyd George singing.

• 54:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll tumble for you.

• 54:52Speaker 04

  I'll tumble for you.

• 54:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's such a good song.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  And then add a line, "I'm an idiot." "I'm an idiot."

• 55:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  "I'll tumble for you." Been to New York City?

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You seen this?

• 55:14Speaker 04

  What am I missing?

• 55:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Watch the guy standing against the pole. Ready?

• 55:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  See what he's doing?

• 55:23Speaker 04

  Oh, he's, he's rubbing his crack.

• 55:28Speaker 04

  At least he's got underpants on.

• 55:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  That doesn't freak me out that much.

• 55:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But not even when you go to put your hand on that bard or hold on, you know that some dude's been rubbing his, like, wet butt cheeks on there?

• 55:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know if it's wet. The andes look dry.

• 55:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's wet, because that's itchy. It's a, it's a New York summer.

• 55:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. I don't love it. I don't love it, but I don't know that I, because I'm six foot two, I don't think my hand would ever go into the anal zone. I'd be like further up where the phlegm and the sars lives.

• 55:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. It was just my kids. My children would be touching where his butt cheeks are. It's cool, right?

• 56:05Speaker 04

  I don't know. Kids, kids have a nose for that, though. Because kids are sort of dirty and messy, so they know when they enter the ass zone, and I think they'd stay away from that.

• 56:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope so.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Yeah. Are your kids smart?

• 56:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. They're very savvy.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  They wouldn't go near that.

• 56:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  But at least, you know, what would be really repulsive is if, and in New York, you would think it would be a bear butt. Like, the fact that this guy has the decency to be wearing Fruit of the Looms.

• 56:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  And like, you know, that sort of just, to me, it's almost a bit playful and fun. I'm not as repulsed.

• 56:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. It really, yeah, see, I, I, yeah, I'm still upset that he's doing this.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's not great, but I'm not like, it's, it's, it's not like, I'm not like, like, dry heaving.

• 56:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what you're saying is you would have liked it more if he pulled his pants down.

• 56:54Speaker 04

  No, then it would have been, I would have been like, in the same place you are.

• 56:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  But, yeah, that's, it, it, it's, you know, you gotta remember the shape of the pole. It's tubular.

• 57:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  So it's really not really possible for it to go too deep into the crevasse.

• 57:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that makes sense.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  And with the barrier of fabric, it's probably not, you know, you're not going too deep into the valley.

• 57:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:19Speaker 04

  But it's still not, you know, it's not proper etiquette for a dirty, rusty, smelly, underground, subway, urine-soaked subway car.

• 57:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no.

• 57:29Speaker 04

  By no means.

• 57:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. All right. I love this chick.

• 57:35Speaker 04

  Is that Kenny G?

• 57:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. It's Penny G.

• 57:40Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 57:52Speaker 04

  You know how John F. Kennedy got taken out that day in that black limousine?

• 57:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  Why couldn't it have been her?

• 58:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, I like her. I want to invite her to my party that I'm having.

• 58:04Speaker 04

  See, here's the danger of playing a flute. You ever hear of the Pied Piper?

• 58:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure have.

• 58:09Speaker 04

  So you play a flute, you bend your ass over like that, and you know there's a hole there. You're just inviting an invasion right up the old a noose. Like, I picture if you keep this going, I bet there's like 900 Black Plague rats from the Renaissance that run right up her arse and eat her from the inside out, and then about 20 minute mark, there's just a skeleton standing there, looking like an idiot. Glasses, flute, and skeleton.

• 58:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I mean, how incredible is it to cultivate two talents like that? Like, first of all, just to do the hula hoop on your tush? That's gotta take years to figure out.

• 58:46Speaker 04

  I'd pay the extra, I'd like to see her go poo while she's doing it. That would, that would, that would be, push me over the Cirque du Soleil hill. But just to swing him around with those blue Hillary Clinton Olive Garden manager pantsuit pants on.

• 59:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  It sort of takes the edge off. But I want to know what's happening with her right foot there. It's curled up like a Shakespeare acting slipper.

• 59:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's how she keeps the, there's a balance thing happening.

• 59:13Speaker 04

  I don't know. I wonder if she lays in bed at night and picks her nose with her feet? Like, look how curly they are. Don't elves wear those kind of shoes?

• 59:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  So curly, you're right.

• 59:23Speaker 04

  Maybe she's an ass hoop elf.

• 59:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't even notice that before.

• 59:27Speaker 04

  The pink shirt.

• 59:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think she's playing the recorder too. Did you learn that in school?

• 59:31Speaker 04

  What's the difference between a recorder and a flute?

• 59:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. It's probably more like rudimentary flute.

• 59:36Speaker 04

  Oh, you know what I think it is? I think a flute you play sideways.

• 59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  And a recorder you play like an idiot.

• 59:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like an idiot. Yeah. It's very cool. Well, the main difference, the transverse flute is hell. Oh, you did it horizontally. You nailed it.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Side blown.

• 59:53Speaker 04

  That's why, that's why goats and sheep love the flute the most.

• 59:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right?

• 59:58Speaker 04

  Because they have sideways, sideways irises.

• 1:00:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that makes sense.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  Standing forward, yeah.

• 1:00:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, everybody knows that. I should have fucking known that.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  You will.

• 1:00:11Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now she carries it.

• 1:00:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, hey, I like it.

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  Well, what's interesting is looking at that crocodilian with the elongated snout. I do believe that's a more rare breed

• 1:00:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  of crocodile and possibly endangered, and I don't think they should be treating it like Chucky the doll, passing it around with balloons in their hair. It's like a mid-samar with a infant that can eat you.

• 1:00:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've never, you've never, you know, Hungarians, on New Year's Eve, you, you pass a pig around? The New Year's pig? You pet the pig? You've never done that?

• 1:01:04Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:01:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this is what they do in other countries.

• 1:01:07Speaker 04

  What is the, what's the ritualistic symbolism of passing a pig around?

• 1:01:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  They just do it at parties. Like, you'll be at a New Year's Eve party, and then around comes the pig, and you're just supposed to pet it, and it's like super good luck.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  They don't have a bong?

• 1:01:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a communist country, post-communist country. They don't have bongs.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  Yo, dude, pass the pig, bro.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  Bro.

• 1:01:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, here you go. This is, this is your jam. You do this? Carry on. Carry on.

• 1:01:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are the different Disney outfits you can wear when you go to Disney. Do you plan your outfits for Disney in advance like this?

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:01:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:01:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just spontaneously, you wake up, you put whatever?

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I don't know if these guys are gay or straight.

• 1:02:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, straight.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  But I'm a man's man. Like, I like my Clint Eastwoods. I like men that are macho, that act and behave like men. Now, I can't tell you if these guys are gay or straight. They look like they might be gay, but I don't want to judge.

• 1:02:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  But straight guys can do this stuff, too.

• 1:02:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  I just don't like the effeminizing of men in today's world.

• 1:02:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  I really enjoy a man being a man.

• 1:02:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28Speaker 04

  And a woman being very womanly and beautiful and dressing beautiful and makeup. And it's not that you can't be grubby, but I don't know. It's just, I don't know. I'm baffled by this. I don't know where, as a man, this stuff comes from. And again, I appreciate if you like fashion and this and that, but it just, I don't know.

• 1:02:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I just, I just, I'm never sure about adults that are this into going to Disneyland without children.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  And even if you're gay, it's like, I don't, I still feel like this is fucked up.

• 1:03:00Speaker 04

  And then you're tacking on this sort of effeminate fashion show.

• 1:03:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  And why does it have to be at Disneyland? Why can't you do that like at Cracker Barrel?

• 1:03:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's what these nerds do. They, they like to plan out, like, these Disney adults, they really take care and thought into planning out the outfit before they go. Like, it's a whole thing.

• 1:03:18Speaker 04

  Is that a nerd? I feel like this is a new level of, like, a nerd to me is like glasses and an eye watch and a cheese grater. But these guys, I think this goes to, I don't know if I'd put them in nerd category. There's something a little more unsettling about this.

• 1:03:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're like, yeah, they're like adult boys, which is troubling. I think they should be banned immediately.

• 1:03:42Speaker 04

  Well, they're adult boys, but very feminine, too.

• 1:03:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and look at the one on the right, it's got good boy hair where it's parted in the middle and then mashed like alfalfa hair.

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like that at all. No, these two should be banned immediately.

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  A ban from what?

• 1:03:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Disneyland.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  From Disneyland.

• 1:03:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Call your people.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 1:03:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Call your people, tell them no.

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  Hang on.

• 1:04:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's me. Get them out.

• 1:04:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  Lates.

• 1:04:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lates.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  They're gone. Next video?

• 1:04:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Next. Oh, I like this.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  Don't you laugh at epilepsy, how dare you?

• 1:04:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this so much. I watched this like 20 times alone last week.

• 1:04:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, it's hard enough to do a windmill.

• 1:04:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, on the mall floor, but then to add the yell is so exceptional. It really adds another layer of goofiness to it, which I really like.

• 1:04:49Speaker 04

  And even deeper to look up your own ass. And that's...

• 1:04:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't break dance in the 80s?

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  I didn't, no.

• 1:04:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:04:57Speaker 04

  No. It looked painful like that. That's a spectacle, but you gotta remember, that guy's probably like, you know, you're, you're rotating on your scapulos and your, your spine and your pelvis and like, it's a fun show, but you pay the price when you get home.

• 1:05:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:05:13Speaker 04

  It's gonna hurt, especially on that hard floor that our Hungarian friend likes to slap around on.

• 1:05:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, thank you so much for coming in, Harland. Guys, check out the Harland Highway Podcast. Go see Harland live. It's a very fun experience. You're very in the moment and you're just so funny and I appreciate you coming in. I know you just did your weekend and you're at a mothership.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, um...

• 1:05:39Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no problem.

• 1:05:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks for coming in, dude.

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you have anything else you want to plug?

• 1:05:44Speaker 04

  You know what? I mentioned to, to you off the air, I have this new animated series.

• 1:05:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  Called The Art Vengers, which you can see on YouTube. It's a new animated series on YouTube. You can go to artvengersworld.com and it's about a, a group of little kids who use their artistic powers to save the day. And it's all done in AI. And I know there's people that hate it, people that love it, people that are in between, but in defense of it, I'm not even gonna defend it. It's a project I pitched around Hollywood way back when. It got passed on and if it wasn't for AI, it would have gone to my grave with me. So me and my, my, my brother Steve Williams and my buddy Paul in Australia who's doing all the animation,

• 1:06:30Speaker 04

  were putting this show out for kids to sort of encourage the next wave of artistic children to, uh, to embrace their special artistic abilities and empower themselves and pursue their art. And so if you hate AI, then hate on it, but don't hate on the message because it's, uh, it's, a lot of artists are reclusive and shy and kind of feel out of place in the world. And this show is to kind of tap into them and show them that what they have is special and it's a gift and they should go out and, and use it and cherish it.

• 1:07:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Awesome.

• 1:07:09Speaker 04

  And so, yeah.

• 1:07:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that.

• 1:07:10Speaker 04

  So check out The Art Vengers.

• 1:07:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, my kids would love it if it's AI, actually.

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And what's amazing is it looks almost like borderline Pixar.

• 1:07:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  And what would take Pixar to do in three years? Our guy in Australia literally does two-minute scenes overnight on his cellphone.

• 1:07:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  And when you see the quality, you'll, you'll be like, no. And this is why I love AI because I think humans all over the planet are, are gonna be able to realize their artistic dreams that they never could have tapped into before.

• 1:07:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome.

• 1:07:46Speaker 04

  And for people to kind of dump on AI, it's like, okay, instead of being negative and dumping on it, why don't you look into your file cabinet and see if there's something you want to create that AI could help you do? And I think if you utilize it instead of crapping all over it, you might be like, hey, I, I got to put something out to the world that never would have got there otherwise. So just my opinion, you can hate or love it, but check out The Art Vengers.

• 1:08:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love it. The Art Vengers on YouTube. Go see Harland Williams live and listen to the Harland Highway Podcast. You'll smoke that.

• 1:08:21Speaker 04

  Is this out?

• 1:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think that's done. I think you've catched that.

• 1:08:24Speaker 04

  Why didn't you tell me?

• 1:08:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  That stove.

• 1:08:25Speaker 04

  Why didn't you tell me?

• 1:08:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. I love you, mommies. Thank you for being here. Bye. Meow, meow.

• 1:08:32Speaker 04

  We all got it coming, kid.

• 1:08:36Speaker 06

  This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me, oh yeah. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me, oh yeah. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me, oh yeah. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me, oh yeah. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. Guys who love to fuck, fuck good. If you're a hot black guy, you wanna fuck me at $23.95. If you wanna move in, you can move in, but you gotta fuck me.

• 1:09:22Speaker 06

  I need, I need to be fucked a lot, man. Get me free food, free rent and everything else, man. Have a deal, man. Nigga, you gotta let it fuck me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me, oh yeah. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me, oh yeah. This on me, beat me. This on me, beat me.

• 1:09:49Speaker 06

  You see me when I come over today, try it out, try it out, man.

• 1:09:54Speaker 06

  Try it out.

• 1:09:58Speaker 06

  You see me when I come over today, try it out, try it out, man.

• 1:10:02Speaker 06

  Try it out.

• 1:10:06Speaker 06

  I'm a hot fuck, white trash, come to me. Try it out, man. I need, I need to be fucked a lot, man. Try it out, man.

• 1:10:20Speaker 06

  This on me, beat me, oh man, oh, oh, oh.

• 1:10:29Speaker 04

  Oh, that was good.

• 1:10:31Speaker 06

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