#183 - Carl Tart

Carl Tart joins the pod to discuss getting bullied by his cousins, using humor as a defense mechanism as a fat child, the various regional traditions of southern food, acting in corporate training videos, working as a bouncer, the dying days of millennial branding, and much more. Carl and Stav help callers including a dad who’s wondering if it’s okay to skip his 5-year-old daughter’s dance recital to go to a wrestling event in Atlantic City, and a woman who is pissed at her husband’s lackluster response to some sultry photos she sent him. Follow Carl Tart on social media: https://www.instagram.com/dammitcarl Thanks to our sponsor! https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc.

• 0:25Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stop His World 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. On the couch today, we got my buddy Carl Tart. Carl, what's up, dawg?

• 0:36Speaker 02

  What up, what up?

• 0:37Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks for coming.

• 0:38Speaker 02

  Thanks for having me. I feel, I feel at home.

• 0:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're good.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  Feel like grease.

• 0:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, that's right.

• 0:43Speaker 02

  Picking olives.

• 0:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah, some fresh olive oil. You ever had, what's the freshest olive oil you think you've ever had?

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Uh, probably like some Bertoli.

• 0:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Expensive, no, I got that, I got a gift of the, the green one with the, it looks like a glue bottle.

• 0:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  So everybody's doing that one now.

• 0:59Stavros Halkias?

  I'm very skeptical of that one.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01Stavros Halkias?

  It seems like they're fuck, that seems like the last, that's the last millennial-coded advertising thing that worked. You know what I mean? Remember when everything was like, you know, they were like, they had, like, they were rebranding, the funniest one was when they were, they just started rebranding Metamucil. Remember, and they were calling it Bloom or some shit?

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, yes.

• 1:20Stavros Halkias?

  It was like probiotic, and it was like, this, the, the thing my grandmother drank to shit? It's like, this is just, we can't, everything can't be cool. Everything can't be, but so, anyway, it's very funny that they're doing that with olive oil now.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  After a night at the bar, you need some fiber.

• 1:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  That's just, because we're like the old people now.

• 1:37Stavros Halkias?

  We are, that is true.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  Like the middle-aged people now, so they advertise it, but we still go out.

• 1:42Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  We're not mature, so.

• 1:44Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I, that's what I was thinking too, where I was like, wow, this is really, I was like, like, I was in a bar and, um, the Nelly and Kelly Rowland song came on.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:53Stavros Halkias?

  And like, to me, and it hit me the way I assume old people hearing like, a doo-wop ballad hit them. Like, to me, I was like, oh, this is like the most romantic song in the world. To me, I'm hearing like a fucking opera about loving a woman.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  Like, in my head, I'm like, that's what I want to play my wife.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy, yeah.

• 2:16Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, the culture, the culture adjusting with us is really funny.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  It's nuts, like, I'll be saying stuff, and also, like, I think our generation, because we're the same age, I'm thirty seven.

• 2:25Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly.

• 2:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, and, and at work sometimes, I'll like make a reference that like, all the old guys will laugh at.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  And none of the young people will get it, and I'm like, well, I'm not their age.

• 2:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough, though.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Because we watched TV growing.

• 2:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Like, the young kids don't know anything before.

• 2:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I think it really is? I think it's actually The Simpsons, because that's the marker. Because there's like, our generation is like, the most Simpsons-loving, like, we were little ass kids.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  We're like, as young as you could be to also kind of start getting it, but there were references that we had no idea about.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:58Stavros Halkias?

  And even Looney Tunes, like, we were watching shit from the fucking thirties and shit.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:02Stavros Halkias?

  And so like, I, and I, but I do think The Simpsons kind of snuck in so many references, like, I did, before I knew about Cape Fear, before I knew about like, just any, you know, a bunch of fucking, you know,

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:14Stavros Halkias?

  who Kennedy was, Mayor Quimby's basically based on Kennedy, like, they just had all this old shit that I think was kind of time stamped

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:22Stavros Halkias?

  for all of us.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:23Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, now kids don't. I mean, I remember, like, when I was like, fuck, how, I have to change how I'm living. I was on a date with a girl, and I was like, I mentioned Rush Hour, and she was like, what's that?

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:34Stavros Halkias?

  And she was like, she was like, who's Jackie Chan? And I was like, I have to get out of here.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  But some shit though, it's like,

• 3:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Some shit like that is like, well, come on, man.

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Like, you know what that is.

• 3:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but they don't. We are old, bro, it's over.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  That's like, somebody saying to you like, oh, this movie Rain Man, and you're like, Rain Man?

• 3:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  I know what it is, I might not have seen it in theaters, but I know what it is. Like, Rush Hour came out late enough.

• 3:59Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so, man, unfortunately. It didn't, it's, it came out in the nineties, dude.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Was it nineties? Was it ninety nine?

• 4:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  That's nuts.

• 4:07Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of stuff that we think is old is just, or kind of new, we're so washed it's over. And I know this physically, because I'm, I'm sitting here with a broken arm and a thrown out back. Thirty seven was forever the year I was like, I'm old as fuck, I'm a piece of shit, I'm, I'm dying, and I'm gonna do drugs to keep me alive.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  We hooped this weekend, and, you know, I had to show the, I had to show the fellas what it was.

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying? I had to let them know, hee hee. I had to, but then like, after like, four games, I was like, my hip.

• 4:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  My hip and my groin, I'm like, oh shit, like. A, I gotta lose weight. B, I gotta like, stretch, like, not just before I play.

• 4:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Well, now it's like, the worst thing in the world is that, what, something we used to do for exercise is now a little treat for us.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like, a pickup basketball game is something a thirty-seven-year-old man who's fat has to think about for ten days beforehand. You have to start str- ramping up to it like you're running a marathon.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Oh, dude.

• 5:04Stavros Halkias?

  You have to like, fucking jump a couple times.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  The night before, we had the after-party.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  And everybody's like, "Y'all wanna go do a shot?" I go, "I can't. I'm hooping tomorrow at, at two."

• 5:16Stavros Halkias?

  In twelve hours, I have to play a leisurely game of pickup.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  I can't. Yeah. I can't. I played in college. And I'm like, now, I'm like, no. I played one year in college and then started doing comedy immediately after that.

• 5:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  And so, of course, it goes away.

• 5:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, totally. But listen, for comedy, playing one year of college, you were like, you might as well be eight times All-NBA.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Oh, dude.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  How unathletic most comedians are.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  As much as I mentioned my zero minutes in college basketball.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  My zero minutes, my, basically, a manager.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  End of the bench, full, full tracksuit on. As much as I mentioned that.

• 5:56Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude. Where'd you go?

• 5:58Speaker 02

  New Mexico Highlands.

• 5:59Stavros Halkias?

  New Mexico Highlands?

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Division two did not play.

• 6:02Stavros Halkias?

  What was the mascot in the?

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Cowboys.

• 6:04Stavros Halkias?

  The Cowboys. New Mexico Highland Cowboys, dude.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  Did not play. Uh, purple and black, which was kinda tough.

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty sick, pretty sick.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  It was kinda tough. And there were dudes on that team, like, Division two guys, there were guys on that team who were like twenty-six at the time.

• 6:16Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  And the coolest guys, would throw parties, would like, it was, and we were terrible.

• 6:21Stavros Halkias?

  Well, cool to you at the time.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  But if you look back now, it's a guy who like, eked out one more year of eligibility to avoid his wife and children, and did try and get pussy from nineteen-year-olds.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  There was a dude who left the team. Shout out Aaron, he probably watching this. Like, there was a dude who left the team, who did, who just stopped coming back. I hope he was okay.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  We kinda never heard from him again. But he just, I was like, you don't, you don't just leave, like, we got school.

• 6:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And it's like, you do, though. We're playing for the New Mexico Highlands Cowboys, D2. This is the kind of thing, this is essentially a bowling league. This should be that serious in your life.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Bro was like, I'm about to dip. Like, he just dipped out.

• 7:02Stavros Halkias?

  Respect.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  And shout out, shout out the homies, Dos Sanchez.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  There must have been.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Billy.

• 7:07Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Billy's definitely probably watching this.

• 7:10Stavros Halkias?

  What was Billy about?

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Billy was six foot eight from the Midwest, and we called him the Bill Dozer. And he was a great three-point shooter.

• 7:19Stavros Halkias?

  Love that dude.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Uh, we had Elvis from Chicago.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's a colorful little group you got there.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  L Train. Steve Shanks was our best player.

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  Well, getting named Elvis and then also getting a nickname is awesome.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Justin Montoya, who was from the town, he's a Hooper. We were just talking the other day.

• 7:35Stavros Halkias?

  Was there anybody who like, thought pathetically that they were gonna make the NBA?

• 7:40Speaker 02

  You know, well, Steve Shanks actually did get like some G League looks.

• 7:43Stavros Halkias?

  There you go. That's awesome.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  He was one of those dudes, I'm not trying to put his business out there, but he was one of those guys who was like, played D1 at a good school, and then something happened that he couldn't go back.

• 7:52Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course, of course.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  He came to the, he came to New Mexico. He was our leading scorer. He averaged like thirty points a game, like twenty-five, thirty points a game. He was good as shit.

• 8:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome. So you must have been an athletic child.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  I wasn't an athletic child. I played everything.

• 8:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  But I wasn't never like, great at nothing.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like, I started playing football and baseball. I'm from Mississippi originally. I started playing football and baseball when I was like, six. And then I moved to LA when I was like nine and started playing basketball, because that was the coolest sport. But I played through high school and stuff and, it was, I was always, I was always great vibes.

• 8:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good locker room guy, absolutely.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  I wasn't last to be picked. I definitely was not first.

• 8:31Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  But I was not last.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Wasn't last.

• 8:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's very funny how, for me too, because like, I stopped, I wasn't good at sports, but I played them through high school, you know what I mean?

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, it's crazy how much you're just, you're sure you will play sports forever when you're a kid. And your entire life is shaped around teams.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:51Stavros Halkias?

  And it's just, you never do that again.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  Like, as a teenager, I had the schedule of like, of someone who plays pro sports.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Bro.

• 8:59Stavros Halkias?

  When you're on a football team, the high school football team.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Seven to seven.

• 9:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's hilarious.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  You leave, you leave, you leave your house in the morning at six fifty, you don't come home till eight o'clock.

• 9:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  And your parents don't care. They just know where you are. Like, that, I, I miss it so much. Who was the, who was the guy, do you remember the guys that were like the guys that when you saw them, you went, oh, I'm done after this?

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  Well, see, that's the thing though, for football, you could delude yourself as a fat guy.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:24Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it was so, being on the line, you kind of, you could, what I did, what, if you just looked at video of me playing and like, Halodinata playing, it doesn't look that different. Cause it's just two fat kids who aren't that athletic going at each other, right? But we had kids in like, I had, you know, I was, my high school team, uh, our quarterback, he was one of those like, quarterback who's also the safety that also returns punts. But to me, I was like, oh, I'm the D-line version of that guy. Like this guy played in the NFL, but I was like, yeah, I'm pretty much like that. I'm five seven. I'm five seven. I cannot bench press like, I had never benched, I came from soccer. Our coach, I've told this story before, but,

• 10:07Stavros Halkias?

  I, I always dreamed of playing football, but immigrant family to them, that's like American barbarism. They're like, these motherfuckers just smashed their heads into each other. Like my parents literally, my mom, my mom, shout out to her, very early on CTE. She was like, she was like, they let children do this? She was horrified.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  And we shouldn't.

• 10:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, truly we shouldn't. But she was horrified when I asked to play Pee Wee football. She never let me. And then our junior, my, my, I was playing JV soccer and our coach gave a child pornography. And they dissolved the JV soccer team and kind of as a like, hey, we're all cool here, guys. We're like, everybody, the, the, the school wanted to keep it hush, hush. They're like, you guys can play any sport you want this fall. You have the eligibility. So I got to pretend my, I played football lying to my mom that I was on the soccer team. I was kind of doing like a, like a, like a mischievous little Disney movie thing where it was like, it was actually, it was kind of the water boy. I basically was the water boy. My, my sophomore year where I was like, ah, another great soccer practice mom. And then eventually I was like,

• 11:12Stavros Halkias?

  actually mom, uh, but what made it easier to tell her that he gave her pornography was that this same guy robbed my church. It was a very funny, it was a really funny coincidence where this guy who was, uh, uh, disgraced in our community because he robbed our, literally robbed our church, just showed up as my JV soccer coach. And it was awesome cause I also had leverage on him. Cause I was like, Nobody's gotta know what you, what your background is long, listen, as long as I'm getting minutes, I keep my mouth shut.

• 11:41Stavros Halkias?

  So it was a very fun, that's how I started was like some guy tried to give a kid pornography. And that's where I got to play football. And that was like, to me, it was like a very, uh, that was my dream come true of like, wow, I'm getting to, I'm getting to do this like a, like I'm a real Amer- all American boy. You know what I mean?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  How'd your mom find out? When Bear Bryant came to your door? Now miss, ma'am, I don't mean to take up too much of your time. But you should let your boy come on down to Alabama. He's got something good. He's got a gift.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, now miss, we need, uh, all the disco, what, uh, uh, our trash compactor is down. We need somebody we can sweep up all the leftovers to it. He just hold his mouth at the end of the table. And we tilt it up and he just sucks up all the debris of lunch.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  All kinda hot dogs and hamburgers and grits and bacon and eggs.

• 12:29Stavros Halkias?

  Ma'am, I've never seen a, a boy eat with the veracity of your son. Yeah, that exactly right.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Is that a Kraft single he's putting on that spaghetti? Wow. Good God almighty, goodness gracious, snakes alive.

• 12:44Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, fuck dude, yeah. It was, I basically just one day I was like, by the way, I'm playing football. And she was like, all right, whatever. And then she started coming to the games and she did the very, she's a very supportive mom, but she does not understand football.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  And I would kick off, cause I came from the soccer team, just like the fat D-line me kicking off. And she would cheer at every kickoff. She thought that was me scoring a goal, I guess, she said, but it was fun, dude, you know?

• 13:07Speaker 02

  My mom begged me to play football.

• 13:09Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 13:09Speaker 02

  She, because I was like a soft goofy kid.

• 13:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  And she was like, you gotta get some. Every time you fall, you crying, you gotta, you gotta get some.

• 13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Did you have like a big family in Mississippi?

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:19Stavros Halkias?

  So you were must, so, yeah, cause I assume when you're from, in a big ass family, you kind of, what roles you play, you must've played like the fun goofy kid.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, no, I was like goofy and quoting cartoons and all that type of stuff. And my cousins would bully the shit out of me and I was bigger than all of them. Like I was taller and bigger and, and, and my little cousins would just beat the shit out of me. They're not little, they, they were, they were a little bit older than me, like we were basically the same age, like two, three years older.

• 13:46Stavros Halkias?

  But they were tiny compared to you.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  They were tiny compared to me. I was such a big kid, I was 18 husky at, at Kmart.

• 13:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  And so they would, they would beat the shit out of me and I would just go run to my grandma crying. And my auntie would be like, now you need to get that little boy in football. Cause he's gonna grow up to be a sissy.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  He gonna be a sissy. You got to let him play football. Why are you saying that about? I was just a little kid.

• 14:09Stavros Halkias?

  Just a seven year old who's watching Inspector Gadget. He's gonna be gay unless you don't, unless he doesn't push his head up against the wall.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  And my dad, my dad played like, he played practice squad pro. Like he had a, had a cup of coffee with the Saints and with Denver. So it was in the bloodline.

• 14:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  We were a football family. We were all very large people, like naturally strong and stuff. And so I, and me just running around, just, I remember, I remember one time, like this, I, this sticks out of my head because I don't think I was this weird of a kid.

• 14:38Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  But like I was obsessed, I had my mom, I was obsessed with like lawn mowers and stuff. And so I had a stick that was shaped like a weed eater. And I was like going around a tree and these boys came and just like, hey man, what you doing? And I was like weed eating. And they was like, man, let's go, man.

• 14:54Stavros Halkias?

  What are you, what are you having in imagination, you fucking pussy? Stop imagining shit. Dude, that was the same shit at Greentown. I got made fun of for getting a scholarship to college. They were like, they were like, you're going to college pussy? Because these were all guys who were like, they were, they would just work at their father's restaurant.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like that, they knew from the moment they were, they were born.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:16Stavros Halkias?

  They would sell cheese steaks to the, to, in low income areas. That was, that was the whole thing. And they were rich, like, you know, they had the next tell, they had, you know, they had like hundreds of dollars. But it was very funny. What, what you'll get bullied for is awesome.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:30Stavros Halkias?

  Just fucking imagining weed whacking.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Oh dude, black people bully you for everything.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Like literally it's raining outside, this nigga got an umbrella. Like damn.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  And everybody bust up laughing like it's the funniest shit ever. Like damn.

• 15:46Stavros Halkias?

  Well, what I love about it is like, it's kind of a, you can get made fun of for anything, but it's really just, you, everyone is taking an opportunity to kind of check each other.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:57Stavros Halkias?

  Because it's like, the dumber you make, the less it's deserved, it's kind of a heat check.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:02Stavros Halkias?

  Like you single out the biggest dork and, and you can get away with saying anything towards him, but you have to be very specific to like, to dethrone the coolest. roast kid.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:13Stavros Halkias?

  So it's sort of really just about social currency.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:16Stavros Halkias?

  Each fucking roast is just like, and if you're really good at them, you can still, you can kind of be David versus Goliath.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  And I was not.

• 16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  I was not a roasting kid. It was something about me that didn't want to be mean.

• 16:27Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Like, I was not a, I was a, I was a funny kid. I was goofy. Everybody thought I was funny in class and shit like that, but at the, at the roast table, man, I was ass. Ass. Were you at the roast table? Were you?

• 16:39Stavros Halkias?

  I could do, yeah.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, you could, you could fuck some people up.

• 16:42Stavros Halkias?

  I could get into the zone where it was like, if, if, if I was, it was more like if I got in the zone, I was like, I really could fuck some people up.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:50Stavros Halkias?

  But it was that thing where sometimes I feel bad because like, what are the odds that the guy bullying you would go on to just make a, make a like living at it?

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 16:58Stavros Halkias?

  I kind of feel bad for some, sometimes because it was like, sometimes something would get in my system and I just would have to.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, you had to tear it up.

• 17:04Stavros Halkias?

  Have to do it. And I felt bad. Like it was, it really was like that 30 Rock episode where Tina Fey thinks she's the victim of everything.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 17:11Stavros Halkias?

  And then like I met a guy 10 years later, he was like, dude, you fucking bullied me, Marsha. I was like, you were my boy, dude. We were fucking having fun at lunch. He was like, you're a piece of sh- He was like, I was scared. I was like, what?

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Just because I, you know, you know, what, I, I don't even, I just, he was an ugly person. I'll get, you know what I mean? He did have some fucked up teeth and. But a nice guy, a sweet guy. And to his credit, he got, we went to a senior trip. He got pussy and I didn't.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  See?

• 17:37Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, the Lord did, you know, punish me for my wicked ways.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  And rewarded him.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  I was punished for, by not, actually now that I think about it, I don't feel bad about being a bully anymore because I didn't get any pussy as a child. So it's like, it feels, it was only when I let go, that's actually interesting. Only when I let go of my bullying ways did I get pussy.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  The meek shall inherit the coochie.

• 18:03Stavros Halkias?

  But I think it was just a survival thing where you just had to, it's funny that you could get into, because it was like, I don't think I was naturally good at it either. Because I do, like, you know, even as comics, I don't really like the ro, I, I think the roast joke shit is a little formulaic, whatever. But, but even like, worse than that is like when people are just getting going and tearing at each other. It's like, that can be- He's fucking scary.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 18:24Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and I'm so glad I missed the like, I would have, I mean, part of it was I did get, I got put a little in the fucking bullying. Uh, uh, fucking rinse the cycle by like, I opened for Bobby Kelly for years.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:37Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like, he's just the most classic bullying the week. You know what I mean?

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:43Stavros Halkias?

  Like, like grew up in fucking, uh, uh, he was, he was in juvie. Like from the age of 14, you know what I mean? Like this motherfucker, he, you know, he really, and I got mercilessly bullied by him. And I think it, you know, got a little out of the system, but I'm glad I missed the tough crowd days.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 19:01Stavros Halkias?

  I would not have survived that.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:03Stavros Halkias?

  No chance. He would have liked me at all.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:05Stavros Halkias?

  There's no chance.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  I, I watched this documentary recently. It was, it was like, oh, man. Maybe this guy wasn't so great. But also like, I still love his work and I still.

• 19:16Stavros Halkias?

  He's an incredible comic.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  He's the best, like truly like, even watching it, it was like so many emotions I went through watching it.

• 19:22Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Because it was like, it, it, you know, you, you, I'd love that guy. Like when I was, when I was growing up, every, I ingested everything. When YouTube came out and all those, Opie and Anthony, and I was not fucking with them, but like I loved.

• 19:34Stavros Halkias?

  When Patrice would come on.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, and you just want to hear everything.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  An effortlessly funny talker.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Bro, effortlessly, like just in a, in like a brain that you just go, how do people think of stuff like that? How do you think of that? And then you watch that doc and you hear like a woman be like, he was awful to me at all times.

• 19:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Ah, shit.

• 19:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's no good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Like, and then you can see it now from a lens of like being older. Cause when I was 20, I definitely was probably repeating.

• 19:58Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Crazy misogynistic shit.

• 20:00Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent. But yeah, that is, that's actually a great lesson though, cause it's like, he made great work, but you don't have to agree with everything he fucking said.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 20:08Stavros Halkias?

  How is it any more difficult than that for people to be like, no, it's actually just not allowed to ever, you're never allowed.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  It's like, come on, dude.

• 20:14Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta. Watch Elephant in the Room. And tell me that's not awesome. And speaking of high school football, maybe the best high school football joke of all time, where he's talking about the difference. Where it was like, you know, they're doing like a prayer circle now if a kid, if, if a kid, if a kid like sprains his ankle. And he's like, when I played, he was like, you wanted to fucking kill people. He'd be like, he's paralyzed.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  We used to take his sock tied around our head like, yeah, yeah. That was one of my favorites.

• 20:42Stavros Halkias?

  You go to his mom, he was like, yeah, bitch, that's what you get for bringing your son around killers.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  I was with killers. I told you not to bring him out here.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Man, that was good.

• 20:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's good stuff.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Nah, I think that was one of the things like, people like him thrive at the roasting table.

• 21:00Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  But that we ha- I think we have the same, cause I was also like crazy insecure.

• 21:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Putting on the front. So I think, my thing about not wanting to roast, cause it was kinda like a, if I start this, they gonna come and meet you in a harder.

• 21:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  And I don't think I got the wherewithal.

• 21:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  And don't let a, don't let a girl start to roast, cause I couldn't, I couldn't say nothing back. Like, like I was raised by a single mom. I couldn't say nothing back to the girl. At home, I'd be like, fucking bald headed bitch, you know? You know, and, and but I was like, I can't say that to that girl, like. Like, you know, so I, I just, I was like, maybe if I, I'd learn self-deprecation very early.

• 21:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right, me too.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  I would point shit out about myself.

• 21:39Stavros Halkias?

  That was the, yes. That was the go-to as a fat kid, a hundred percent.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:43Stavros Halkias?

  So that was your move? You would just kinda beat them to the punch?

• 21:45Speaker 02

  I would beat them to the punch, and it kinda kept me around in the popular circles, or like, in the, in the, like the girls would be cool, you know what I mean? Like, I remember, we went on a basketball trip one time in high school, and we had brought these girls back to our room. And we were all up in there, and the homies ran out of things, the homies that brought the girls back, cause it wasn't me. I was definitely not. And, and, and they like ran out of shit to say to them. And they were like, hey Carl, tell a story. And so I'm like on the floor, in front of the beds, while they up on the beds with the girls. I'm on the floor, on my pallet, being like, alright, so, and probably repeated some Patrice O'Neal shit.

• 22:22Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Probably said like, something like that. Like probably said some, some joke that I'd heard on, on premium blend.

• 22:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. But it literally, it was, that's the way you would buy your way into the upper social circles of, as an insecure fat kid.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:36Stavros Halkias?

  Is that you're the jester.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  You were literally tap dancing while they got pussy.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:41Stavros Halkias?

  You were, you were the night's entertainment. You're like, here, well, ladies and gentlemen, and they're like finger popping.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Exactly. They made their finger begging.

• 22:48Stavros Halkias?

  I'll be back, I'll be down here if you need anything.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  And I'm like, man, there's always a bodega cat. I ain't never been to New York. There's always a cat on the bread. I don't know what I'm talking about. You know what's crazy, like by the time I got to like junior year, I got real skinny.

• 23:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 23:04Speaker 02

  But that mentality never went away.

• 23:06Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Cause I went from being a fat kid, yeah. Once I got, I hit like a growth spurt between the summer between sophomore and junior year. I grew from like five 11 to six two, six three, like where, and lost, just like lost all that weight over summer football practice.

• 23:20Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Just lost everything, but that was still, cause then I also went for like being like, like Ethiopian skinny, you know what I mean? Where I didn't have no, I didn't have no, no muscle on me and no mass.

• 23:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's dude, you got the, you got the fabled, you got every fat child's dream. Well, you're disguised, like the sophomore to junior, gave, gave him five inches of height was like, you don't understand how, how much I prayed for. First of all, how sure I was it was coming.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:47Stavros Halkias?

  For years, I was like, well, any day now, the growth, the spurt's coming, I'm gonna lose this baby fat. Like how, how long it took me to realize no one was coming to save me? I was like, this is it, man. This is not, I kept being like, okay. Even in college, I was in college being like, any day now, I'm just a, I, cause I, I would cling on to like the, like Dennis Rodman story.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:13Stavros Halkias?

  So well, Dennis Rodman fucking.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  He was five 10 and grew to six eight.

• 24:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, in college, I mean, that's me and it's, and it's just never happened.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I Googled so many like, how do you do that?

• 24:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Is there like an HDH? I was trying my best because in basketball, I played like power forward.

• 24:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  And everybody would say, well, when you get to college, you're gonna have to switch to guard.

• 24:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  And one of the reasons I didn't play, cause I, that transition was not easy, I did. And, uh, I was like, man, what could I do? Like just to get, if I could get to six six.

• 24:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Then I'd be set, cause I could be like a Charles Barkley, like, you know, like just a brute, like I'm, I'm shorter, but I'm still.

• 24:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Nah, man, I was trying to think of anything. I was like, man, how are all these guys this tall? And then you hear about the Dennis Rodman story, five eight, five 11 to six eight. It's like, come on, man, that's gotta be a, what, where can I get struck by lightning to get that?

• 25:00Stavros Halkias?

  Something's gotta be horrible, yeah, that's a once in a, I mean, even Anthony Davis had happened to, but again. It was never gonna happen for me. I just, but dude, it's just crazy cuz there was, as a kid, I remember being so sure my life was gonna be awesome. And it just, every year realizing like, wait, this actually sucks dick. My family's so poor. I remember realizing we were poor and then realizing I was never gonna not, like, I was like, I was never, this wasn't baby fat. And the fact that I was like, I was never getting taller. It all hit around the same time. It was all around the end of high school where it's like, you're filling out FAFSA and you're actually looking at the numbers? And you're like, oh my god, how the fuck are the lights on in this house right now?

• 25:39Speaker 02

  My mom gives me $2 a day to buy Hot Cheetos and a Gatorade at 7-Eleven, and that's not enough.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  I have to like, save my $2 from the day before to have four. Yeah, you, that's, that's why I was asking you earlier about who were the guys who, cuz I played against a lot of guys who eventually went pro. Like, who became greats, like Harden and Westbrook and all these guys, but like-

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh right, cuz you're in LA.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:05Stavros Halkias?

  And LA has incredible fucking high school basketball.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  There's guys who didn't go pro. You just, or guys who went pro and you're like, how did that guy do it? Like, Solomon Hill was a, uh, I played against him and he was good. Like, he was on the best teams on Fairfax and he was good, he was, but there were other guys on that team who you thought were gonna be like, oh, that guy's going to the league and stuff like that. And then you, you play against them and they do stuff to you that you go, oh, there's no way. I can't, like, maybe I could play in college. And then you go, maybe I could play D3, D2, like, that, that dream just fades.

• 26:37Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, dude. And then all of a sudden, you're fucking, damn, I'm, I'm 23, I have no idea what I wanna do with my life? But I'm also jealous of athletes cuz like, imagine like, like some, like LeBron is a per example, he's 41. He's never cha, like, the way we thought as children, how awesome it must be for the thing you think when you're four? You just never have to change that. Like, he never had this realization. There was never a moment in LeBron's life where his dreams couldn't come true. That's gotta feel so awesome.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  It's gotta feel amazing, but it also gotta feel insane cuz you can't go anywhere.

• 27:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. But I just mean like, you, yes, I mean, I don't mean getting that famous, that's a whole different thing. But I just mean like, just picking correctly at four, your life, your whole life trajectory? And now at 41, you gotta be like, I guess I gotta have different life experiences and shit. I guess I gotta open up my horizons, but you know.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  Let me ask you this, though. Did you not ever think like, comedy? Because I I loved it so much growing up. But it was, but remember I told you I was insecure. So I was like, well, I would never, I can't be what these guys are.

• 27:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  I can't, I can't do what Cat Williams is doing when he had all those specials in.

• 27:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  And I was like, I can't do that, but I love this. And I watched everything. I watched everything comedic, everybody's specials. Everything on Comedy Central, everything, Who's Line Is It Anyway, everything that was, that was funny on television. Watched SNL every week, watched Mad TV.

• 28:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Watched everything, watched Comic View, Def Jam, and I'm thankful for like my family and stuff being, my parents had me really young. So I was at the babysitter at my, at my teenage cousin's house a lot.

• 28:11Stavros Halkias?

  Getting to see shit you weren't supposed to.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Exactly, like five years old, watching Charlie Barnett like pour a water bottle on a woman in the crowd. Just being like, what is this? Like, you know what I mean? Like, so like, I, it was always something that I felt like I wanted to do.

• 28:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess on some level I did, but it was the kind of thing where you just never, there was no like Pee Wee stand up.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 28:33Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? There was no like trying it. So it was like, it was, it was the kind of thing where I'm like, I'm just jealous of that. Cause just, it must be, not even jealous, it must be insane.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:42Stavros Halkias?

  To not have to think about your neck, like the, us having this realization as children, like, oh, I guess we're not going to be athletes.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:49Stavros Halkias?

  They have it in their 40s or 30s.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's gotta be insane.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  It's gotta be insane to be like, like the first time we got into like literally anything, like comedy being the second. Everyone starts wanting to be a fucking athlete or like a musician or some shit. When you're a little ass kid, yeah, exactly. You want to be famous for like the basic shit. And it must be cool to never have to change the first one.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:12Stavros Halkias?

  I think sports must be the, eldest, do you, did you ever, cause you were never a sports guy. Did you ever have an outlandish childish dream of what you wanted to be? Or do Albanians not have dreams?

• 29:22Speaker 03

  I didn't really have dreams. I was just kind of like, well, one day I'll like, you know, get a solid job and.

• 29:29Stavros Halkias?

  Really? You never, you never had anything like crazy you wanted to be?

• 29:35Speaker 03

  I guess, I was always interested in like comedy in some level. I didn't know if I wanted to perform, but I was like a big comedy nerd as a kid.

• 29:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, that's true.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  And also writing, but I just never.

• 29:44Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. You were a real literary ass pussy. That is true.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  You should write a book.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  I know, I should.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  You already have one?

• 29:51Speaker 03

  No, I don't.

• 29:51Stavros Halkias?

  You actually should.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  I've written a few things over the years that I like, published in some small shit, but I don't know, I just never really, I should, I feel stupid because I'm like, well, writing, there's, that's like the lowest barrier to entry.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  Tell me about it.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  You just have to like try hard at something. It's not like millions of people are clamoring to like, write and publish it, so.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Who knows? Maybe I will here.

• 30:18Stavros Halkias?

  You should start doing essays. Isn't it so, isn't it hilarious that the way the world has come, become, it's like, an accomplished writer has less of a demand. Like if you started producing essays, if you started publishing essays as the producer of Stavi's World, it would get more traction online than like a famous essayist probably. They're like, what does the Albanian from Stavi's World think about fucking, I don't know, chocolate chip cookies?

• 30:46Speaker 03

  I know, it is funny. It's like, uh, yeah, you just need like some kind of social media profile to do anything now.

• 30:53Stavros Halkias?

  World, it's so stupid.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. So maybe I will.

• 30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Writer, that is true. You fucking love the writer. That was, it is.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Big book nerd.

• 31:00Stavros Halkias?

  Even within, like our friend group was all dorks. Eldis was the biggest dork probably.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  You from Baltimore too?

• 31:06Speaker 03

  Yes, I am.

• 31:06Stavros Halkias?

  We grew up together.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. Family moved to the county in fifth grade, but grew up in the city, you know?

• 31:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Briefly, Eldis, Eldis, Eldis's very early childhood was the most ratchet, but then he went, he went into the burbs.

• 31:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:21Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavi Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's. Take all our sushi orders, they're going through the visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the stoppies world hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the premium visible plus pro plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code staff.

• 32:06Stavros Halkias?

  Terms apply.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  I like Baltimore. I tell you, too much work for them crabs, though. At the spot by the water was a nice vibe. They had a van come out there.

• 32:15Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  I bought, we bought like a dozen for 144 bucks. Picking little.

• 32:21Stavros Halkias?

  But that's what it's about. It's not about having a, the crabs are not going to feed, fill you. It's, it's the experience of you have fucking 10 beers over an afternoon. You know what I mean? The breeze is, you know, you order some shrimp, you order some scallops also, you get some, you get some sides and then it's really the hang. The hang is what crabs are about.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  That, and it was, it was a fun hang, I'll give you that. It was a little bit too much money for a hang.

• 32:44Stavros Halkias?

  It is, it is a little much.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Cause I'm from, like, I'm from Gulf Coast, Mississippi, and so like, we big, big on seafood.

• 32:49Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  And just like throwing out, putting, laying out the newspaper and just dumping. And so it feels, maybe it isn't just as expensive, but it don't feel.

• 32:57Stavros Halkias?

  The boil, I don't, I, I, I don't want to see a fuck, I had something, I don't like those potatoes in the boil.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Fucking delicious, bro. You tripping.

• 33:05Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you, you know what I would love? Boil them and then, and then finish them in an oven.

• 33:12Stavros Halkias?

  Imbue them with the taste of a seafood boil, spray them with a little avocado spray, smash them down, put them in a fucking air fryer or fry them. Now we're cooking with fucking gas.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  That ain't what we do.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  We're cooking with jet fuel if we're doing that.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  You take the shell out that shrimp, you take the shell out that shrimp, put it on top of the potato, eat them at the same time.

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's a texture problem for me.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  I feel you.

• 33:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's a big, and I love all those ingredients. Some of my favorite things in the world. If you give me all those things in that boil, I still want the seafood done that way.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:43Stavros Halkias?

  But you, you smash up that potato and then. Grill the corn? I'm so in there.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:49Stavros Halkias?

  But I need it, I need crisp.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  You need it to be separate.

• 33:51Stavros Halkias?

  There's, to me, the, the, the low, the like, southern seafood tradition feels very like, for all, it's like, you have no, it's like, somebody with no teeth invented it. Everything's boiled to shit.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 34:03Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I'm saying? And it's like, I just need, I need a little, I need you, I need you to give me some different textures.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  I will not agree with this. Especially after having seafood in Baltimore. I was, I was excited. I was open minded.

• 34:15Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Man.

• 34:17Stavros Halkias?

  Did you have crab cake?

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. It was good.

• 34:20Stavros Halkias?

  Alright.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  It was good, but like, we got, we make that too. New Orleans, come on, man. You, you, you got, I'm, I'm sorry, I, I can't, I hate.

• 34:27Stavros Halkias?

  Crawfish are fucking bugs, by the way.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, delicious.

• 34:30Stavros Halkias?

  They're little as fuck.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Fucking full of shit.

• 34:32Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah, a crab is a much better type of meat. You, I'm just saying it's.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  We got crabs too, though. We got, you know, we eat the blue crab.

• 34:40Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, alright, alright, okay, alright.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  Steam crab, we, we do, we do everything down there.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, alright, I'll give you that.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  And you get it all out of a fucking pile of mud.

• 34:46Stavros Halkias?

  A hush puppy, you gotta get in the mix for that stuff.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's where you get the fried plate though.

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's where you get the fried thing, yeah, yeah.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  You get the fried plate, and ain't nothing like, you some, just, all you need is some shrimp fries, some hush puppies.

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  In terms of fried seafood, you will hear no, no qualms out of me. It's simply the boil.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  You don't like the boil.

• 35:02Stavros Halkias?

  That I just think, with a couple tweaks, it's so good.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Fair enough.

• 35:06Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's, I, look, I get it, it started from just, this is, you're poor, it's literally poor people just fucking throwing a bunch of random shit in the pot.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:13Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I get that. We, we don't have to live like that anymore.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  So much salt, make a horse heart pop.

• 35:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. That I love.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, seeing what those motherfuckers are putting in there?

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Come on, man.

• 35:24Stavros Halkias?

  When they're putting fucking so much butter?

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I'm saying? You could encase yourself in butter and they put that much.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  There's that one dude I like on TikTok and YouTube who just pours all this Tampico. And he boils it in, you put orange juice, you put, we put lemons, he put, he boils it in Tampico, he goes, it's platinum. We got that platinum boil. I love this guy.

• 35:44Stavros Halkias?

  He puts Tampico in there?

• 35:46Speaker 02

  He puts Tampico, he boils, and I'm, I just be looking at that shit. I be looking at it at work, they're like, hey, you got that sketch? And I be like, uh, wait, hey, give me a second. I know that, I know that Tampico got them crawfish popping. I know it's good.

• 35:58Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on a second, why the fuck would you put Tampico in there, dude?

• 36:01Speaker 02

  It's seasoning, I don't know what he.

• 36:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's salt, it's like a salt and sweet situation?

• 36:06Speaker 02

  I guess, man, I, I, I, like, I mean, the citrus cuts down on the salt and stuff like.

• 36:10Stavros Halkias?

  There is not an ounce of real citrus in Tampico, dude. It's fucking, it's, it's.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  You put real limits too.

• 36:15Stavros Halkias?

  If Sunny D is too healthy for you, it's like, it's like, if, Tampico, for those who don't know, Tampico makes Sunny D feel like, like, Tampico to Sunny D is soda to seltzer.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:27Stavros Halkias?

  Like, Sunny D is a light, refreshing, barely sweet drink compared to Tampico punch.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  If you eating pancakes and you ran out of syrup at your house, you can pour some Tampico on it. That's how thick it is.

• 36:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my God, dude, I used to fucking love that shit.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Man, Tampico.

• 36:43Stavros Halkias?

  You, you would put ice in Tampico, it would completely disappear.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:47Stavros Halkias?

  It would completely, it would complete, you wouldn't be, it wouldn't float, it would be, it would, it had some weird buoyant, I don't know the, the, the chemistry of it, the, or, you know, whatever the molecular makeup, the buoyancy was odd.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:58Stavros Halkias?

  Where the ice would float just under the surface and be completely hidden.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  It's like Hawaiian Punch, Hawaiian Punch never gets cold.

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  It's still warm.

• 37:08Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, I used to love Tampico, but putting food in it, this is, this make, this makes, that's ridiculous.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  I bet you it's good, I watch, it's some, he's explained it before, and I can't remember why he does it now.

• 37:19Stavros Halkias?

  I bet there's so many chemicals that he knows the break, he's probably on top of that shit.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:24Stavros Halkias?

  And he knows that it actually weirdly is a great, like, marinade for, for scientific reasons.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  That's why, cause you do marinade stuff in like orange juice and stuff like that, so I think he just use it, Tampico, maybe it was cheaper and he finds like, wait a minute, this tastes actually really good. This got some extra stuff in it, cause I know my dad has like put orange juice in seafood boils, like real orange juice.

• 37:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, absolutely, real orange juice, I'm with him a hundred percent. That is, is that like the, the, what's like your, what's like a nice special occasion meal, was that like a holiday meal, a boil, or what, what would you do?

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Just like family getting together.

• 37:55Stavros Halkias?

  Just to get together.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  So like where we from, like we barbecue, but like it's more about the seafood, so everything's fried, a lot of more, a lot more fried stuff, so you go to the. You go to the, we have fish fries. We have barbecue, we have cookouts.

• 38:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  And it's fish fries. You know, everybody, we done caught the fish that day.

• 38:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Something like that. And everybody, the, the, the women cook it like, sorry.

• 38:16Stavros Halkias?

  As nature, as nature intended.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  Well, you bring, you go out, you catch the fish, you bring it home and all your aunties and everybody just cook it up.

• 38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  And then it's perfect. You got just fried everything. And then, you know, somebody will do a boil or something like that.

• 38:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Gumbo is the Christmas.

• 38:32Stavros Halkias?

  Gumbo for Christmas. Hell, yeah, dude. I love that.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, okay, respect. Yeah, and the Thanksgiving, we're talking straight turkey?

• 38:40Speaker 02

  Turkey, dressing, mac and cheese, yams, cornbread, greens, all, all that, all the fixings. We do red beans and rice and also probably fry some chicken.

• 38:49Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude. Fuck, yeah. I know. I honestly was mad. I remember a couple of Thanksgivings ago, it's like, I wish Popeyes was open.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:57Stavros Halkias?

  Cause to me, whatever turkey does, fried chicken does one thousand times.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Have you had their turkey?

• 39:03Stavros Halkias?

  I, I haven't. I actually have. It's pretty fucking good.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  It's good.

• 39:06Stavros Halkias?

  But I haven't done it for like, one time, I went to a Thanksgiving that had it late.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:11Stavros Halkias?

  So I kinda had it after, you know what I mean?

• 39:13Speaker 02

  It had been picked off.

• 39:14Stavros Halkias?

  It had been picked through, but it did, it did, you know, pique my interest.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:19Stavros Halkias?

  But still, just the ratio of fried to unfried meat is too low. A turkey's too large.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, we fry the turkey. Like, me and my dad will fry like three turkeys.

• 39:29Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  It's so much fun.

• 39:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's fucking sick. Yeah, I'm lo- I'm so, so you're, do you, so you're, you still have a lot of family back in like?

• 39:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm going like two weeks. Uh, my, my dad, my, my whole dad's side's still there.

• 39:41Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  So I'm going for my little cousin's high school graduation. And there probably will be all of this stuff I'm talking about right now to celebrate that after.

• 39:48Stavros Halkias?

  The fish fry is something that, of everything you've said, the fish fry is the thing that really, I need to, I need to scheme on.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  You know?

• 39:56Stavros Halkias?

  I need to figure out my own, cause I'm a big calamari guy.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:59Stavros Halkias?

  An idea of getting a nice fucking fish fry go sounds awesome.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  I don't know what we, we'd probably have to fry whiting out here. Every time I like see a fish place, they always got whiting.

• 40:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  So I think that's like, we up here in there.

• 40:10Stavros Halkias?

  There's a bunch of, there's a bunch of shit. No, you can get some cod in there. There a little bit. I don't know if you're like a cod guy.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 40:15Stavros Halkias?

  Nah. Yeah, yeah. Too, too New England coated of a fish.

• 40:18Speaker 02

  Pollock.

• 40:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Wild Alaskan pollock.

• 40:21Stavros Halkias?

  Salmon, I don't want to fry. It's too fatty already. I think white fish is what needs to be fried.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  White fish needs to be fried. It's a red snapper. Red snapper is good fried too, but we do catfish and bluegill and crappie and stuff like that where I'm from.

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. Cause the, the best, the best thing Greeks have is the like barbecue and the whole lamb on a spit.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  That shit look good as hell.

• 40:42Stavros Halkias?

  And I will, I keep working on Easter, but next year, I promise to, to have, to, to host a, I've, that's the, that's the final thing I need to figure out in terms of feel like I've, I've become a man, is, is, is do a whole lamb once for Easter.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  That would be dope. Did you ever go to that Slovakia place?

• 40:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's, yeah, the one around here is pretty, it's okay.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  We order it for lunch sometimes.

• 41:02Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta, I have to do, I, I used to live in Queens, so it was like the fucking, the Greek food was out of control. It was so good. Uh, I have to start doing some investigations in Manhattan to, my, I think I'm gonna do it, I think I'm gonna have a, I think it would be fucked up unless I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the Greek, of the Greek restaurants in New York. I think I need to have, I need to publish my guide for Greek restaurants in New York, and I think that, that would be a big public service I could do.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  I will say this about the soul food here.

• 41:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  And this going, this going to cause a lot of problems. And it's not, this not my gen, genuine, gen, general New York like hate.

• 41:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  But every time I've tried it here, it just ain't hit like that.

• 41:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I, listen, I'm not gonna fight you on that. You're from the South.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's like, anyone who would, like, we, it's, it's one of those things where it's like,

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  if somebody from fucking LA says that they haven't gotten a good burrito here, I'm not fighting them on it. You know what I mean? It's like, I fully, fully, I, you know, it's like, even the like, even, my, in my very limited experiences of like, having like the famous, you know, going to Harlem and having like the famous fried chicken spot versus the famous New Orleans fried chicken spot, it's like.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  It ain't the same.

• 42:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's just not the same.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  It ain't the worst thing I've ever eaten. I'm not gonna spit it out.

• 42:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  But people, the, the thing that pisses me off about New York and with food stuff is like, I'll say that, I'll be like, man, I just haven't had like a really good soul food meal. And people go, dude, you live in Brooklyn, just get some Jamaican food. I said, bitch, I didn't ask for that.

• 42:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  If I said I wanted Jamaican food, I'd get that.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  I told you what I want.

• 42:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, it is funny for them to just to sort of basically in their head making the argument of like, he's just, he means black food.

• 42:52Stavros Halkias?

  We do have good black food here.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  It's great. The Caribbean food is fantastic. I didn't ask for that.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  I like a Jamaican patty every now and then.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  The patty's nice.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  I didn't grow up like just like housing Jamaican food. So it's not like my

• 43:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's not, yeah.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  go to. Like, I'll eat it. I'm not saying it's bad or nothing, but I like, it ain't just, it ain't like, it don't hit the spot that I'm trying to hit when I'm trying to hit that spot.

• 43:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know what you mean. My, I, as a kid one time, because my dad, he did a lot of his business, he was a carpenter, he repaired a lot of restaurants. One time as a kid, and sometimes he would just bring random shit from restaurants home, like they had, like, one time he had like a bucket of maraschino cherries. It was the greatest, the greatest thing as a fat seven year old. Are you kidding me? Before they, they, they, I remember when they sat down to tell me like, by the way, in the back fridge, there's like, I had already known about them. I'd already housed half the fucking thing. I had to pretend I didn't know. But one time, and sometimes you would bring home like, you know, cases of like, like, we always had that frozen gyro meat at my house, like those little strips.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:54Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, the like low grade gyro, whatever, but I had that all the time. But one time, I had no, and we had no cultural, I was not, like, the only other cuisines I knew about, and neither cultures, it was like Chinese and pizza, that was it. One time, a box of Jamaican patties just appeared. Just, I guess the rest, some restaurant he was working for just gave them to him. And it was like a weird oasis. And like, they appeared when I was like nine. And for years, I thought I like, imagined them. And then I remember finding them in college and being like, this is the fucking best day of my life. I didn't even know what they were. And there was no internet, even you could like, you can't Google like, yellow pocket of beef my dad, my dad gave me when I was 10. Like that,

• 44:36Stavros Halkias?

  it was, and it was just beautiful getting re-introduced to patties for sure, but.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  Did you ever get in trouble for doing some fat shit?

• 44:45Stavros Halkias?

  Constantly.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  For me, it was when I discovered putting.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  Cake icing on graham crackers.

• 44:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We call that a homemade Dunkaroos. We call that, we call that, we call that a Dunkaroos from scratch.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  My grandma, she thought she had that icing in the fridge and went to go put it on a cake like she was making a cake for something. She thought, she said, I, I know you, I know you fucking lying. And she knew exactly who had done it over like, it probably was over like three months.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  And I'm like, this ain't gonna bother, this ain't, this gonna bother nobody. It's been in here.

• 45:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  It's been in here.

• 45:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Like, who's caring about this?

• 45:29Stavros Halkias?

  I never see anybody use it. I never see anybody go for it.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  Nobody ever uses it. It was the vanilla or cream cheese icing and I had some graham crackers. And one time I made a, I put it on white bread.

• 45:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  And made a sandwich out of that. That was some real.

• 45:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's awesome stuff.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  That, that was another reason why they made me play football. He needed to get his ass out and run.

• 45:48Stavros Halkias?

  Especially because we're talking about there's probably how many cousins that it could have been theoretically. The fact that they knew it was you.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  They knew it was me.

• 45:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  They knew it was me. I used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with no peanut butter. I did not like peanut butter as a kid. I did not, it was just jelly and bread.

• 46:04Stavros Halkias?

  So were you at the like, of the, of the cousin power rankings, were you at the, were you at the bottom, would you say?

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was the baby.

• 46:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, you were the baby.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  I was the ba, I was like a baby in the family. Not by a ton, like, because I have, like, my cousin Jonas is one year older than me. My cousin Nick is two years older than me. But like, I was the baby. I was coddled.

• 46:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  And my mom had me young, so after everybody was like mad at her for getting pregnant. They immediately went like, we have to protect and raise. And it was nothing but women around. And so I was coddled. And then like, once I got to like seven and was running around the house, like I said, being goofy and doing jokes and singing and stuff like that. It was like, oh no, he need to go, he need to play football.

• 46:47Stavros Halkias?

  I guess they probably did, they probably, you know, they're happy, you know, because you are, you were both goofy and, you know, you didn't turn out to be a fucking coward or anything like that.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  They really don't know what I do now.

• 46:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  So it is, it's kind of okay. They really, they, they're like, hey, he ain't asking us for no money.

• 47:07Stavros Halkias?

  We don't need any follow up questions. That is true. It's very hard to explain, like, especially TV writing.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like. And podcasts, those are two of the like fakest things to explain to anyone.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  Well, how do I listen to it? I go, don't.

• 47:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, please never.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  No, don't listen.

• 47:24Stavros Halkias?

  For the love of God, never do. I'm so lucky. There's a great, I mean, the language barrier is not that, I mean, my Greek family understands English.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  But still, there's so, there's so many hours of just like talking in English.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:36Stavros Halkias?

  I'm so happy it's not in Greek. I'm so happy it's not that accessible to them.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Cause some of the, yeah, you know, you just say wild shit.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  They'll like, the only things that my family will see me on is like the most random shit I did. Hey, man. Hey, man. So I got this new job, right? And we had to watch a training video. Man, that's you in that.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  I did like corporate training videos for like 60 bucks a day in 2009. And they still play them. I look 20 years younger.

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  And, and they, and they still playing them like, they're like, man, I saw you in that thing. Man, I, man, I was, I was, I was fixing some lightning at the Scientology building. I saw you. Cause I did some, I did some Scientology. I used to do all them like Actors Access, doing Scientology videos and corporates and.

• 48:26Stavros Halkias?

  You're telling people about their fucking seating levels and shit?

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. I remember I played like an African dignitary in one where like I was standing there and I was like yelling at one of my cohorts.

• 48:37Stavros Halkias?

  Were you doing the voice? Were you doing the Will Smith?

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. What are you doing?

• 48:41Stavros Halkias?

  Tell the truth.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  What are you doing?

• 48:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  But it was like, they didn't use it. It was just like for like, you know, Scientology brings us together, blah, blah, like.

• 48:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like B-roll.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it was, and it was like me doing, it was like, you can still, and I'm like, what, what is this? What is this? And, and they like hand me Dianetics and I'm like, oh, thank you.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:00Stavros Halkias?

  And it cures you of your African anger.

• 49:05Stavros Halkias?

  It can calm even the most rambunctious Africans.

• 49:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's the power of Scientology.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  I am okay now.

• 49:13Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, John Travolta.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's literally what I used to do all that shit for. That's how I was making money when I first started. Corporate videos where I'm like the guy who is like standing at the water cooler being like, damn Sheila, those titties are looking great today.

• 49:28Stavros Halkias?

  I can smell your pussy from here and daddy likes.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  Was Craig wrong about this?

• 49:40Speaker 02

  He always has like those generic black names.

• 49:43Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course. Yeah, yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Was Donovan mad, uh, wrong to say that to Sheila?

• 49:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome. Yeah, I mean, I had, I basically just wrote for a dumb, like a bad website, but I did not have any crazy bad, I was just doing so mu, I was just like doing dumbass standup and then, and then podcasting.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Podcasting really said it all.

• 50:05Stavros Halkias?

  Salute, salute. I still cannot believe how this happened. I still can't believe, cause it's like, you know, you have those shitty first few years of, for me, it was New York for years, LA, and then it was like, just podcasts started making money. I was like, oh, I guess this will, this will be good. This is paying my rent. And then it was like, whoa, what the fuck?

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:24Stavros Halkias?

  I guess this is how people fucking do everything now.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  And it's, it's different for me because I don't do like standup.

• 50:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  Like on my, on my own stuff, like, and improv doesn't tour that much.

• 50:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. But like. I still say you, you, you Gaberson Mitch need to fucking.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Put together a. We've been talking, we've been in a group chat talking about it for years.

• 50:45Stavros Halkias?

  That would be, I'm gonna make you motherfuckers do this. It pisses me off that you guys don't tour on your own.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  We should, we should.

• 50:51Stavros Halkias?

  And make the money yourselves instead of like, you know, anytime, group stuff is all great, but it's like, that's the best, that's the best part about standup. It's one fucking guy. And then you pay elders $20 a day. You know, to haul all your suitcases and set up the cameras and it's fucking awesome.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  People, yeah, no, we definitely should.

• 51:08Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, you were saying like.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 51:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  Just, just, uh, because I don't, because I'm not so front-facing and because a lot of the TV work I've done, like comedy, podcast nerds, don't watch.

• 51:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  And so, like, they'll like hear about me being at SNL now and go, man, you really made it.

• 51:26Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  I'm so happy to see all your successes.

• 51:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  And I go, I've been successful for like eight years.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  I've been doing, I was, I was on the show.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know that even if like dude, acting like that's what people like, they just kind of started putting me in movies. Another thing I don't really understand, but Begonia was, people were like, dude, congratulations. And it, don't get me wrong, incredibly cool, but it's like, if I had to choose between being in that movie and pod and podcast. Well, who has affected my life more, podcasting or being in an Oscar nominated film? It's not even close.

• 52:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:05Stavros Halkias?

  It wouldn't even be a hard choice to be like, which would you choose? It's like the years of me saying the most embarrassing things in the world on record.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:13Stavros Halkias?

  Has been better for me than being in a movie with the best actors in the world.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  100%.

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  That has helped me and it's not even fucking close.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  I mean, that's the, the like, the, the level of which it has changed now.

• 52:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:24Speaker 02

  Where, I mean, as people will see me pop into a sketch, I'll be playing a bailiff.

• 52:29Stavros Halkias?

  A bailiff, you're, I've seen you play a bailiff maybe like 800 times. Every time I'm watching a comedy related thing and a bailiff comes on, I'm like, oh dude, it's Carl.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's me playing a bailiff. Well, I'll do that on the show and people will be in my DMs like, I saw you on the show, bro. Oh my God, I'm saying like, you made it, you did it. And I go, bitch, there are seasons and seasons on Peacock.

• 52:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Talking on television.

• 52:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, what, you know, whatever.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  Whatever, boy.

• 52:57Stavros Halkias?

  As long as we don't have to have real jobs.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's ego check.

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  What was your first ever like real job or like the, or maybe either first or last before you?

• 53:06Speaker 02

  I worked at Rite Aid.

• 53:07Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  I'll tell you the last one too. I, I worked at, I worked at Rite Aid, um, for, for an, uh, uh, uh, break during, while I was in college.

• 53:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  And man, we ate so much ice cream. Like, for those of you who don't know, Rite Aid, the grocery store, but like on the west coast, they merged with, they bought out this company called Thrifty.

• 53:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Which had crazy ice cream, really good ice cream.

• 53:28Stavros Halkias?

  Thrifty has their fucking, that little malt?

• 53:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:33Stavros Halkias?

  The malt one? And it's, the calories aren't so bad.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  No, not so, it's, it's real good ice cream.

• 53:38Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't realize they had merged. I didn't know that.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  That was long, yeah, that was in the nineties. They, I remember when I first, when I first moved to LA, they still had Thrifty's and Savon. And then Rite Aid bought them out and now Rite Aid's gone. That, that, that, that place is gone now, but I worked there.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  Is Thrifty gone as well?

• 53:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:55Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz I don't even think they have the ice cream anymore.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's gone, or maybe somebody tried to buy it out or something.

• 54:00Stavros Halkias?

  Damn dude.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  But uh.

• 54:01Stavros Halkias?

  Look this up, I'll just do some fucking producer.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. But then, I worked at, I worked at UCLA in the maintenance department for a couple of years.

• 54:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:08Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, you had the fucking.

• 54:10Speaker 02

  I had a uniform on, yeah. I was Good Will Hunting. I was the same, I was the same age as all the college kids. Dude, his math problem, they're like, who the fuck wrote this? That's wrong.

• 54:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's so wrong. You go outside the improv, the improv club?

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:23Stavros Halkias?

  And you're like, that was the wrong yes ands.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  That was the wrong yes and. Yeah, and I started, I was doing that when I first started doing improv there. My last job, before I got my first entertainment job, 2016, uh, first long-term entertainment job, cuz I had done a little bit part before that, but, and I was doing background for years.

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  But my last real job was I was a bouncer at this bar called Barney's Beanery.

• 54:44Stavros Halkias?

  Oh wow, Barney's, hell yeah.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's super popular now. It was, it was a degenerate place when I was working in.

• 54:50Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  And I worked at the one in Burbank, and the one in Pasadena. And uh, I was, yeah, I was a bouncer, and they would like send us over to the other ones, like, right now the Santa Monica one is like, one of the most popping spots in LA.

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  And not Santa Monica City, but Santa Monica Boulevard, West Hollywood.

• 55:03Stavros Halkias?

  In West Hollywood, yep.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  And, they would send us over to like, you know, oh, oh, we, it's slow over here, so.

• 55:08Stavros Halkias?

  Auxiliary bouncer.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was a bouncer there, and then I was bouncing there when I got, um, the Mad TV reboot.

• 55:15Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah, dude.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  And uh, I was still working, and I kept calling off my shift, and the manager was like, bro, you gotta, you gotta quit, or something, like, you, you're leaving me hanging, like,

• 55:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  you can't call me on a Friday at four, being like, yeah, it's gonna go late tonight.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  So, I quit there.

• 55:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's funny, would, would you go straight from filming to bouncing shit?

• 55:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And, all for the opportunity to tell it on a podcast, like.

• 55:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  But yeah, no, I would, I would, I would leave, I would leave work and, and go do my.

• 55:45Stavros Halkias?

  And do you ever ba, who's, do you ever bounce? Do you ever fucking toss anybody out?

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 55:49Stavros Halkias?

  DJ Jazzy Jeff style?

• 55:51Speaker 02

  I, I, so there's definitely times, I, I got one story, and I think the statute of limitations is up. But um, there was one time, these cops used to come in, they would play softball.

• 56:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  And they would come in and eat pizza. Like Barney's had pizza, they would just like eat and watch games or whatever. And one night they brought one guy in and I didn't realize that he was also a cop, but like uh, he was drunk off his ass. Like crazy drunk, he was fucking with people. And, but these guys were regulars and they were cool and they were cop like, so like, you know, it was just like, alright man, just watch it.

• 56:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you back the blue like all of us, like me and elders, you back the blue.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would walk over to their table and hand them their chili and go, y'all's lives matter. Y'all's.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  But this dude was tripping out and I saw him like tripping on somebody one time and it was a woman that was there. And I walked over like, hey man, we all good here, you know, I was nice. And, and uh, and, and it was like, yeah, yeah, we're good, yeah, leave us alone, like, I'm like, alright, well, I'll, I'll let that slide. But also, and again, I didn't know this guy was cop because the other guys had left.

• 56:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  They took off and he stayed there, he was talking to this woman. And.

• 57:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a problem.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:03Stavros Halkias?

  When they're like, when the problem is the one who stays?

• 57:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:06Stavros Halkias?

  When, yeah, that's tough.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  I think they just left, he must not have been friends with them or something like that, or he just like, he just like joined a team that night. And then uh, he left, uh, they all left him there and then uh, they, he, next thing I, I look up and he's got his hands around this woman's neck. And so I go over, full Nelson, like, you're out, you're done.

• 57:25Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus Christ.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Like, and, I think they, they knew each other.

• 57:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  They did know each other.

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, oh, oh, okay.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and uh, I'm like, that's it, you're done.

• 57:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:35Speaker 02

  Full Nelson, get him out, toss him out, bartender homie, my homie Will, uh, jumps over the bar, we both get this dude out. She comes out like, what are you doing, stop, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, blah, blah. Next thing I know, yeah, we sent him on, like, you're done, bro, like, y'all both can get out of here, like, it's over with. We sent him on, next thing you know, somebody comes from the patio, it's like, yo man, that dude's getting into a fight outside.

• 57:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Her dad pulled up.

• 58:01Stavros Halkias?

  Her dad?

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Her dad jumped out the van, going at it with this dude.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  It's still on bar property, so we gotta bring, like, what the fuck? Yo, call the cops, call the cops, call the cops.

• 58:12Stavros Halkias?

  So we, we. His phone rings.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, we call, he's the only cop in town. And then he starts, we pull him off, she gets in the van like, uh, with, with her dad, they, they pull off, they leave.

• 58:22Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit. So when dad comes and picks your ass, it's real crazy.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  And he's sitting there lecturing us. And this like really put me in a mind like sometimes what cops be like thinking. Because he's lecturing me and my boy, because we like standing in front of him now and he's like, "You guys, you guys hate us. You hate us."

• 58:45Stavros Halkias?

  Why a man choking a woman in your bar is trying to become morally superior to you?

• 58:51Speaker 02

  "You hate us because, because I call you the N-word."

• 58:57Speaker 02

  "Why you hate me? I'm protecting you. I'm protecting you from yourself." And I went, I was like, "Oh, this is the psyche." That's when I found out he was a cop, because I got scared, I was like, fuck, I like got this dude in full Nelson, pushed him out. I was like, now I was like, "I'm done, man, I ain't gonna be able to drive through Glendale at all no more. They finna whip my ass." And, uh, and like he was, he was lecturing us and I was like getting into the, and I'm like, "Oh, that's what they like, they're like, "You, you guys are the real threat and good ones like you, I'm protecting you. So you get mad at me because we gotta rough up." Because this is around the time of like Mike Brown and like, it was like 2016 and...

• 59:39Stavros Halkias?

  Which is like also completely had nothing to do with the situation.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 59:42Stavros Halkias?

  He was just a piece of shit patron. You had no idea, nobody, as far as I know, nobody in the story was black. It was all, it was all white on white crime.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, Latino, Latino, Latino.

• 59:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  And, uh, and he was, uh, he, so the cops came and they're trying to arrest him. And he starts resisting like a motherfucker.

• 1:00:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Like he starts fucking fighting back like, like, like a lady cop, this dude's got a real problem with women. Because he jammed the lady cop against the door, other cops started to come out. And now we just standing there, like we not involved in this. And, and like as much as I hate like police brutality, they finally got this dude on the ground. And one of the other cops just went, boom, boom. Got his ass. And I was like, get his ass, get his ass. Shouldn't have been resisting, motherfucker.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Shouldn't have been resisting.

• 1:00:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking nuts, dude.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  And then I had, I had to like go to court for that and everything. Cause I was like, one of the main witnesses.

• 1:00:41Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Holy shit.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:00:43Stavros Halkias?

  And what happened to him? Do you have an idea?

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  I don't know. And I do not care.

• 1:00:46Stavros Halkias?

  You don't care?

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:00:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's nuts, dude.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  I was, I was already, like by the time the court case came, I was already.

• 1:00:54Stavros Halkias?

  You were done, right?

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Done at the job. I literally was in the writer's room for this show called Brockmire that I wrote on.

• 1:00:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  This Hank Azaria baseball show.

• 1:01:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know that show.

• 1:01:02Speaker 02

  And I got a call from a detective and I was like, if you could just give me a call back and it's about an incident that happened at Barney's Beanery two years ago. And I'm like, ah, and I had to go testify and stuff.

• 1:01:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking wild, dude.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  So I hope that's an okay story to tell. I think it should be.

• 1:01:15Stavros Halkias?

  I think it should be, whatever.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  It's been a long time.

• 1:01:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's fine.

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  But now, now I've re-upped my clock of not being able to drive through Glendale. You talking about me on?

• 1:01:22Stavros Halkias?

  My guess is that guy was disciplined and he, uh, he did some counseling and he's really changed his ways.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  And that's what the, that's what the court vibe was.

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  He was crying and he was like, I'm sorry.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  I'm sorry. I wasn't, I wasn't in a good place that night. I'm like, bro, you missed me with that bullshit, man. I don't care about your fucking apology.

• 1:01:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, that's beautiful, man. Well, hopefully our callers have some questions about.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:01:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you know, bouncing people, police brutality, you know, what, what have you. I'll just play it. Give us some calls, little buddy.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  Hold on, real quick, some happy news. Thrifty Ice Cream is still in business.

• 1:01:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's great to hear.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  They were acquired by an invest, uh, Hillrod Holdings, an investment group formed by executives who work at Monster Energy.

• 1:02:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  Ice cream's about to be different.

• 1:02:09Stavros Halkias?

  Thrifty is, is now under the control of Monster Energy Drink, huh? Interesting.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  They own something else too, that's not the energy drink. They own something else that's like, oh, like Hanson's. Remember the health, like what, what was supposed to be healthy soda, but it actually still had like 40 grams of sugar in it?

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Hanson's that they would sell at like Whole Foods?

• 1:02:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  I think that was also Monster Energy Drink. I'm like, some of them pipes getting crossed.

• 1:02:29Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I'm usually not a fan of, you know, corporate, uh, acquisitions and that, but at lea- let's keep Thrifty alive as long as possible.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  The ice cream alive.

• 1:02:37Stavros Halkias?

  Keep thr- yeah, keep, keep the corpse of thrifty going.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  Cylinder, they have these iconic scoops.

• 1:02:43Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  That were like flat on the top.

• 1:02:45Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, see, I, I know it solely as a prepackaged.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:50Stavros Halkias?

  And I gotta say, the malt, I go to bat for. I want it right now. See if there's any around. Just Google thrifty malt ice cream near me.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  And they're gonna be like, dude, just eat Jamaican ice cream.

• 1:03:04Stavros Halkias?

  Play us some calls, little buddy, while you do that.

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  Hey, Starvy. Hey, Eldis. Hey, guests. Um, so, uh, my wife and I, uh, have started doing an OnlyFans. Um, she is on the smaller side and I'm on the larger side. Problem is, is I keep rubbing up against her IUD string and it's like causing a lot of friction, obviously.

• 1:03:34Stavros Halkias?

  Why do we have to know they have an OnlyFans?

• 1:03:36Speaker 04

  We're doing OnlyFans now.

• 1:03:37Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing Only- Yeah, true.

• 1:03:40Speaker 04

  So, she has been telling me that she's gonna take it out, but she wants me to get a vasectomy. I am 28. Ideally, I don't wanna have to do that whilst I'm under 30, right? Um, but yeah, that's basically my question is, uh, should I get a vasectomy? Uh, she won't go on any other kind of birth control if she gets this taken out. Um, and I can't afford to keep popping out children. Um, we have two already.

• 1:04:09Stavros Halkias?

  Two already?

• 1:04:10Speaker 04

  And we're not planning on having any more.

• 1:04:13Stavros Halkias?

  Then why do you want, you won't get a vasectomy?

• 1:04:16Speaker 04

  Let me know. Sorry, that was so short.

• 1:04:19Stavros Halkias?

  We prefer short.

• 1:04:21Speaker 04

  Hopefully this is not a free one, cause I don't.

• 1:04:24Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, we got it. Shut the fuck up. So, uh, so his issue is, his issue is, he has, now that him and his wife have an OnlyFans, the people demand cream pies, is what I'm hearing. Cause that's the only reason he would have to mention the OnlyFans. There's no, in fact, can we, he didn't need to mention the OnlyFans, but it seems that's his, his, uh, the, what we can infer here is that he has to nut in his wife, cause that's what makes money, I guess. Otherwise, why would you give a fuck?

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  Why would you care? Yeah. Um, you could've just said, uh, my wife wants me to get a vasectomy.

• 1:05:00Stavros Halkias?

  Right. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  That could have been so.

• 1:05:05Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so, okay. So the thing rubs up, the little string cuts his cock.

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, the IUD.

• 1:05:10Stavros Halkias?

  His cock is huge. He has to brag about his huge dick and his wife's little pussy.

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  My dick is bleeding right now from that.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  Right now.

• 1:05:20Stavros Halkias?

  What is, can't, haven't we had calls about this? Doesn't, can't you get that shit trimmed?

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  And can't you get it in your arm too?

• 1:05:26Stavros Halkias?

  The IUD?

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I didn't know that. But she says she, she only wants.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  She only wants that one, which, her right.

• 1:05:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  It's also your right to not want to get a vasectomy.

• 1:05:37Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and, but then you want to hear the, the most heartbreaking thing possible. If that's, if you're both standing your ground, you're gonna start, you're gonna start using condoms with the woman you have two kids with.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:48Stavros Halkias?

  Can you think of a fate worse than that? That's insane. So, look dude, it's up to you. Why do you have this weird, well, I'm only 28, I should get a vasectomy. He says he's already, he's planning not to have kids again.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  He also, he also, when he asked to put on the free episode, he was like, I'm not on the Patreon. My kids are expensive enough as it is. So, which is also like, did you guys just start this OnlyFans? Is that money coming in?

• 1:06:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the OnlyFans is just a, he wanted to brag.

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:18Stavros Halkias?

  Also, it's like, is, yeah, is it making money is a really great question, Eldis. Because it's like, uh, if it's not, what are we even doing there?

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  I hear that Mountain Dew helps with this issue.

• 1:06:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, true.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a good point. Put a bunch of, sit on a bunch of hot, get some Jamaican patties, sit on them.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, get some Jamaican patties, sit on them.

• 1:06:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right, get your nuts hot.

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  Sit in the hot tub every day.

• 1:06:41Stavros Halkias?

  Hot tub while you're drinking ice cold Mountain Dew?

• 1:06:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:44Stavros Halkias?

  What else is bad for you? Look up stuff bad for yours. Eldis, you should know this, you were trying to juice your nut. What's good, what's bad for sperm?

• 1:06:51Speaker 03

  I mean, years for me, you know? I wasn't told this outright, but be very fat, years of terrible diet, smoke weed a lot for

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  McDonald's.

• 1:07:02Speaker 03

  10, 15 years, drink a lot, cigarettes.

• 1:07:05Stavros Halkias?

  My jizz must be so low quality right now. I'm on a hundred MGs basically every day. That shit must be. Be slowing, swimming slow as fuck, dude.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  We, uh, maybe this isn't the story to tell.

• 1:07:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, man, whatever.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  There was a mutual friend of ours who I had a conversation with, we were talking about, uh, not getting morning wood anymore.

• 1:07:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:07:28Speaker 02

  And it was something that-

• 1:07:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, it's a story to tell, don't worry. This is the right pod.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  And I, uh, I got, like, I got nervous about it, cause I, I had stopped thinking about it.

• 1:07:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  And I was like, well, when I'm stimulated, if I, if I have a, a bed gas or something like that, I'm, I'm good, I'm still like, I'm still good in the morning, unless I'm too tired, and I'm like, girl, go. Get out.

• 1:07:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 1:07:50Speaker 02

  I'm sleepy.

• 1:07:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sleepy.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:52Stavros Halkias?

  Get out.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  But, but if it, but if, if like, I ain't never had a problem with it.

• 1:07:56Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Like, and, but then I started paying attention to it every morning.

• 1:08:00Stavros Halkias?

  Tracking it.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:01Stavros Halkias?

  Your morning wood journal.

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Like, that's what like, started making me like, slow down drinking, cause I was like, waking up being like, oh, my shit on worm right now, god damn.

• 1:08:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'd be like, fuck dude, that's very funny, starting a little chart that's like, smiley face, frowny face. Every morning if your dick gets hard or it's not. But this guy's problem basically is like, look, if you, if you don't plan on having any other kids, a vasectomy does seem like an okay solution here. If you didn't have kids, I would say, don't get one.

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:31Stavros Halkias?

  And you, but if you, if you're already had kids and aren't planning on having any other ones, and you just have some weird emotional rejection of getting a vasectomy.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Stavros Halkias?

  We're here to tell you that you don't need to do that.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:08:42Stavros Halkias?

  Or, and if you're really, really, you know, worried about it, freeze some jizz, I guess.

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Can you do that?

• 1:08:46Stavros Halkias?

  I think so.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you, if you, if you already got two kids and you're like, we not planning on having any more, and this is your lady for life, and,

• 1:08:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  and y'all, y'all at it, like, yeah, get the vasectomy, it, it probably doesn't hurt at all. I, I am scared to get one, but I also wanna have kids.

• 1:09:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  But like, it is, like, I'm fine with wearing a condom.

• 1:09:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I will, I would a hundred, if I was in this position, I would get a vasectomy, no problem.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, that seems actually kinda nice. Knowing you can never get anybody pregnant after you're done having kids seems, seems just like a good, just kinda good, uh, general business, I would say.

• 1:09:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:21Stavros Halkias?

  A good way to, a good, a good way to behave. Next question, Eldis. Uh-oh, what the hell? What the hell's going on? Holy fuck. It's time to fucking- Keep it fucking twisted.

• 1:09:36Stavros Halkias?

  With fucking twisted tea. It's time for the fucked up ass motherfucking question of the week. Uh, you want, you can have this if you want. You don't have to drink.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure. I'll, I'll take a sip. I'll, I'll break fast.

• 1:09:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, no, you're, you're on intermittent fasting. Please, just put it, just put it on the table. Look, we love twisted tea here, but we love, you know, we love, uh, the fad diet our plus size friends are on this week. Even, even more. It's the twisted ass, fucked up ass, motherfucking ass question of the week. Of course, Carl, as you know, and this summer, it's extra twisted and motherfucking ass fucked up. Cause we got the summer party pack, baby. We're talking original, half and half, rocket pop, and the new twisted lemonade. And a really nice element that I love. That's right. The new twisted lemonade, it comes in a rad color changing can and is only available in the summer party pack.

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:10:30Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, you gotta keep it extra twisted with this new summer party pack. Uh, holy shit. Eldis, what's this week's fucked up, motherfucking twisted ass question of the week?

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  All right. Uh, hey, what's up, Stavi? I have a bit of a moral dilemma. And I need a little bit of your counsel of Greek philosophers. Um, so in June, my five-year-old daughter has a dance recital. It's important. She's been practicing the whole thing. She's been going to dance for a bit. But it also happens to be the same weekend as the biggest professional wrestling death match tournament, uh, in the world.

• 1:11:11Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, man.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  That takes place in Atlantic City. Uh, it's basically like the Super Bowl of, uh,

• 1:11:19Stavros Halkias?

  Come on.

• 1:11:20Speaker 05

  Death match wrestling.

• 1:11:20Stavros Halkias?

  Football is real.

• 1:11:22Speaker 05

  So, you know, also this is also a tradition weekend for me and my friend. Uh, he's sober. So I get absolutely loaded while he responsibly make sure I don't die.

• 1:11:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:11:35Speaker 05

  Gambling and such. Um, it's a great system. But my kid, like I mentioned, she's five and we have things just about every month, uh, or every other week. Uh, dancing, school things, soccer, kids birthday parties.

• 1:11:53Stavros Halkias?

  I think what you're describing is being a parent.

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  And you know, every day we feed her and clothe her and I never make her pay for anything. I never, I've sent her no Venmo requests. I get, I get every lunch. Keep going.

• 1:12:09Speaker 05

  Um, that's happens a lot and generally if I'm invited or if it uh is an occasion I can go to, I will. So I asked my wife about it. She said it was okay, but in that, you know, it could go either way with her and you know, I figured she'd be okay with it. But, and my kid doesn't really remember things. She's five. I don't expect her to remember this one, one dance recital.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  This is the least objective, like this is the lea- this is the most fucking unreliable narrator we've ever heard for anything ever. I'm sure your wife and child both are like, yeah dude. Oh, yeah, no. It's all good. Yeah, dude, of course. Get fucked up. I'll get fucked up and watch. I guess it sounds like low-grade professional wrestling.

• 1:13:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  Sounds like the kind where they still let them like cut each other with fucking razors.

• 1:13:08Speaker 05

  Across the forehead?

• 1:13:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, like use real bricks.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  That's not WrestleMania he's talking about.

• 1:13:11Speaker 03

  No, no, no. He's talking about something called death match wrestling. Look this up, Eldis, what the fuck death match wrestling is. Anyway, finish his call too.

• 1:13:20Speaker 05

  You know, another hundred. But I'm sitting here like, is that bad if I miss one recital for death match wrestling? I mean, I'm gonna tell uh my daughter I'm working, uh which

• 1:13:34Speaker 03

  That's fair.

• 1:13:35Speaker 05

  I technically am and you know, spiritually.

• 1:13:38Speaker 03

  No, you're not.

• 1:13:38Speaker 05

  But uh, yeah, I'm wondering.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  No, you're not at all. What do you mean spiritually you're working? You're having the best time of your fucking life.

• 1:13:46Speaker 05

  Um, or if I'm a monster.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  You're not a monster. You're a fucking loser.

• 1:13:51Speaker 05

  Please tell me the truth. Thank you.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  Oh, we'll tell you the truth, chief. You, you think I'm gonna fucking mince words when a wrestling fan asks if he should go to his daughter's recital? Or get, or go to death? What is death match wrestling, Eldis? Is it anything specific?

• 1:14:08Speaker 02

  It's even faker than the WWE.

• 1:14:12Stavros Halkias?

  Or even like TNA or like, you know, one of those other ones. I mean, listen, now I will say, now I'm, I think that's probably a pretty fun thing to go through.

• 1:14:20Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:14:20Stavros Halkias?

  Low level professional wrestling is actually more fun than like, we went to some, I went to some WWE stuff for my brother's bachelor party. Like, we wanted to do some wholesome shit. He's not a strip club guy. So we did like, you know, went to some basketball games. We went to WWE. We had a fun, you know, it was just fun. I bet you that's fun as shit. So, you know, sorry for the shots at, at death match wrestling.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:40Stavros Halkias?

  But the thing that pisses me off the most about this, here's where you're really not keeping it twisted. Part of the keep it twisted ethos is not lying to yourself and lying to your friends. All right? You, I, I despise that you wouldn't just give me the facts of the matter here. That you're, you're trying to tell me, what really pissed me off was when he said he was technically working. That's just a pure lie.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:04Stavros Halkias?

  In no way are you working. You're fully, you are fully just ignoring your family responsibilities to do the opposite of working, which is fine, but don't lie to me. And I, I feel like I'm being lied to throughout this whole thing. I think you are really underplaying how much they would care. And so I'm just gonna, instead of listening to you and your reporting, I'm just gonna summarize the facts. A grown man who complains that there's pretty much something to do every week with his daughter and claims that a five-year-old, not a one-year-old, doesn't remember things.

• 1:15:38Speaker 02

  A five-year-old remembers.

• 1:15:39Stavros Halkias?

  Especially the recital. Like this isn't a soccer game. This isn't a dance practice. This is the thing she's, he even said himself, she's been practicing for months.

• 1:15:51Stavros Halkias?

  And you're saying it's like, I just think dude, you and your fucking friend can go, okay, you're missing the WrestleMania of death match wrestling. How about go to the SummerSlam of death match wrestling this year and get drunk as fuck? How about just any other weekend than the weekend you're Your fucking daughter is doing a rehearsal is the weekend you get fucked up with your friend.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  That's what tipped me off too. When he said, my friend is sober. I was thinking he was gonna say something like, so this is an event that we do together. Where I stand in solidarity with him. And, no, he said, and so he's gonna be able to keep me, make sure I don't die. So this isn't, this isn't fun for anybody but you.

• 1:16:28Stavros Halkias?

  You're a burden on everyone in this story. Yeah, this, yeah, I mean, look, you're keeping it way too fucking twisted. You wanna keep, because part of, again, the keep it twisted ethos is drinking responsibly.

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:39Stavros Halkias?

  And you've already talked about not drinking responsibly? That's one thing I know twisted tea would never stand for, okay? So right now, you're keeping it way too fucking twisted. Grow up, you fucking pussy. You have a daughter. I'm sorry you can't watch fucking grown men shatter the collagen in their shoulders for your enjoyment. I'm sorry you have to fucking make sure your daughter becomes a, a person, a well, you know, a well-rounded person who has no psychological issues with men or authority figures. Just go to the fucking important recital and from now on, the stuff your kids do, your kids big, your dumb ass should think of your daughter's recital as this now.

• 1:17:21Stavros Halkias?

  These are your Super Bowls, dude. And by the way, doesn't that make you, aren't you a, seeing your kids do shit should be what parents wanna do.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, it should be fun, right?

• 1:17:30Stavros Halkias?

  Seeing my, dude, I, I can't wait to go to my nephew's fucking, he's one and a half, when that motherfucker has baseball or soccer games, or I know my brother wants to put him in jujitsu and wrestling and shit like that. I'm go, I can't wait to go to that little motherfuckers meetups. And I get it, you're their parent, I'm the uncle, I fly, I get to fly in for the fun stuff. You're there day to day. I get it, I get it, but still, I would say, if this is a big, if this is the big recital, you have to go. If, now, if it was a soccer game and you miss one and you, but you're at all the other ones, you're fine, dude, but it's like, your kids' big events are now the biggest events in your life.

• 1:18:08Speaker 02

  That she's been practicing for.

• 1:18:09Stavros Halkias?

  She's been practicing, you fucking animal.

• 1:18:11Speaker 02

  You better be, you better bring the grill and have some, some wings on the grill outside.

• 1:18:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, tailgate. Dude, tailgating a kid's thing?

• 1:18:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Stavros Halkias?

  I started, yeah, I saw a tweet, somebody was talking about like, why don't we start tailgating movies? And I was like, dude, that sounds awesome.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  That kinda sounds like-

• 1:18:27Stavros Halkias?

  When we saw Speed Racer, imagine if we had a grill going before, we're smoking weed and eating fucking, you know what I mean, like pork chops right before going to see-

• 1:18:34Speaker 02

  Getting turned up before Michael?

• 1:18:38Stavros Halkias?

  That would be a great one to, because that's not really a movie, that's more of like, a shitty YouTube video, like an AI, it's like an AI like upscale of old Michael Jackson, uh, stuff.

• 1:18:49Speaker 02

  He loaded on wings and twisted teeth.

• 1:18:52Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly. How, how good would it be to be, yeah, having, yeah, here's what you do, buddy, you, it ain't wrestling, but why don't you pregame your daughter's recital responsibly with some ice cold twisted teeths? Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted, but not too twisted, and go to your daughter's recital, or you're a piece of shit. That's so fucking awesome.

• 1:19:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck. Oh, we're leaving the twisted zone.

• 1:19:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:24Stavros Halkias?

  We kept it fucking twisted. What else we got, Eldis?

• 1:19:31Speaker 06

  Hi, Savi baby.

• 1:19:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hello.

• 1:19:33Speaker 06

  Hello. And esteemed guest.

• 1:19:35Stavros Halkias?

  Hello.

• 1:19:36Speaker 06

  I am calling with a pic related issue. Tiny bit of background, I've been with my husband for nine years, we've been married for six, and we have a two-year-old daughter.

• 1:19:47Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:19:49Speaker 06

  We have an active and fulfilling sex life, but something recently put me off in a weird way.

• 1:19:55Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:19:55Speaker 06

  I sent my husband a series of titty pictures, and when I went back to look at what he had replied, all he had done was open them, didn't save them, didn't heart react, didn't give any response.

• 1:20:07Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:20:08Speaker 06

  So I thought maybe my photos inspired some impromptu jerking session, so I said, not even a thank you?

• 1:20:18Speaker 06

  He responded, L M A O.

• 1:20:22Stavros Halkias?

  I respect-

• 1:20:22Speaker 03

  That.

• 1:20:25Speaker 06

  I said, what is funny? He said, my reaction was funny, that I was being ridiculous.

• 1:20:31Speaker 06

  I asked him about it the next day. He got defensive and was annoyed that I wanted some sort of recognition.

• 1:20:37Speaker 03

  Mmm, interesting.

• 1:20:39Speaker 06

  For the nude photos I sent him. Told me, why do I have to say them? Why do I have to say anything? I'm not obligated.

• 1:20:46Speaker 03

  Wow, this is, this is crazy, statutory take. This is a crazy line in the sand to draw.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. With your wife.

• 1:20:54Speaker 03

  With your wife.

• 1:20:55Speaker 06

  Oh, no. And am I being needy? I don't have the best rack ever.

• 1:21:00Speaker 03

  Whoa, see, this is, this is being a bad hu- This, what you have now done is made your wife insecure.

• 1:21:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:07Speaker 03

  It's that, you're, because it's do- first of all, it's rude.

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  Send that rack to us.

• 1:21:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, let us see those titties. And I will say, in general, we are always open to looking at tits on this podcast. So we will look at them and we'll say, nice tits. You know? Anyway, finish up, elders.

• 1:21:26Speaker 06

  Ever, especially after breastfeeding.

• 1:21:28Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:21:29Speaker 06

  But damn, am I asking for too much? For him to respond to my titty pictures with something nice?

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:21:35Speaker 06

  Like, so sexy, love those titties. I mean, something, I know he isn't obligated to do anything, but. I don't know. Let me know, Stabby Baby. Love you.

• 1:21:45Speaker 03

  This actually, this breaks my heart.

• 1:21:47Speaker 02

  That's pretty mean.

• 1:21:48Speaker 03

  This is so mean. Like, I can't fathom. Not even a hu- listen, you gotta heart react.

• 1:21:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Speaker 03

  At the absolute-

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  At the absolute least, yeah.

• 1:21:58Speaker 03

  If, if your office is on fire. And you're being rescued by firefighters. Like, if you're, if you're being hoisted over a stronger man's shoulder. And you, and your wife sends you some titty pictures and you're busy. You got, even in that case, you send her a heart react.

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  The heart react is for when there's an emergency. An emoji, the hierarchy is bespoke. Uh, you know, written, sentence back. Maybe trying to get some fucking, you know. Getting, getting frisky, some text, some sexting. That's the, the highest thing you could do is get horny enough to start sexting immediately, right? Second horny is a, second best is like a slightly less horny, you know, text reply. Then, you hit her with an emoji. And the, or at the very bottom of the hierarchy.

• 1:22:44Stavros Halkias?

  Is a simple heart react.

• 1:22:45Speaker 02

  Simple. You gotta hit, I send back a gif, not a gif, well, you can send back the gif of a 1930s wolf.

• 1:22:52Stavros Halkias?

  The wolf is classic.

• 1:22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The tongue out classic.

• 1:22:57Speaker 02

  I send pictures that I've seen on Twitter. There's, there's one picture that I like to send of, of Skip Bayless getting into an ice bath where he looks like he's busting a nut.

• 1:23:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's a really good one.

• 1:23:10Speaker 02

  I'll send that one.

• 1:23:13Speaker 02

  There's a picture of a guy who's doing a cock push up where both his, both his arms are to the side. Like, I'm so hard, I could do a push up. You gotta send that.

• 1:23:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's good stuff.

• 1:23:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll send those too. I mean, I will say this, from, from this, like after I've been in therapy and stuff, but as a emotionally unavailable guy in the past, I have to admit to it.

• 1:23:34Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:23:35Speaker 02

  I definitely have gotten a text from somebody and I'm like, I ain't got to say nothing to you.

• 1:23:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:23:41Speaker 02

  Hearing that you do that to your wife.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  Wife is way different.

• 1:23:44Speaker 02

  The mother of your children, even if you.

• 1:23:46Stavros Halkias?

  But also, listen, wife, a text is also different than nude.

• 1:23:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:23:51Stavros Halkias?

  Nude is like, you got it.

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  You got it. Come on, man. That's crazy.

• 1:23:56Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. I'm thinking of the type of person I would, I would ignore a nude from. It's a woman who's ruined my life before.

• 1:24:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:24:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's whose nudes you ignore because they know that's the most potent guaranteed to get a reaction, you know, form of correspondence that exists.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:14Stavros Halkias?

  So for a husband to get the most, the, the most guaranteed response message from his wife and he's basically treating you the way we would treat women we hate.

• 1:24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yes.

• 1:24:29Stavros Halkias?

  And that's fucking crazy to me. Cause even somebody that I don't, I have no, even if somebody says to me there are titties and I have no intention of sucking those titties. I'll give them a heart react.

• 1:24:39Speaker 02

  You gotta give them a heart react.

• 1:24:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'll say, uh, nice. I'll give them something. This is, I think this, we don't want to be over dramatic here.

• 1:24:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:47Stavros Halkias?

  But this is actually a really bad sign, I think. Do you, Aldous, you're the only one who committed a relationship here. If you were to send a cock pic hilariously, or to receive some kind of, it doesn't have to be a nude, but any kind of horny correspondence. There's no way in the world you would ignore that, would you?

• 1:25:04Speaker 03

  I couldn't imagine, I couldn't imagine like not responding at all. Waiting for her to ask for a response and then like, yeah, just being completely flippant about it. When she expresses like, you know, remorse or sadness that I just basically ignored it. It's crazy.

• 1:25:22Stavros Halkias?

  This is crazy.

• 1:25:22Speaker 03

  This is crazy, crazy behavior.

• 1:25:24Stavros Halkias?

  So we're just letting you know, you don't, don't be gaslit. It is nuts to not give you at minimum a heart.

• 1:25:31Speaker 03

  Especially, especially like just from her insecurity about breastfeeding.

• 1:25:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:25:36Speaker 03

  They have a two-year-old, they're probably not fucking the last couple of years as much as before.

• 1:25:41Stavros Halkias?

  This is a really hard time for women, like our friends who have had kids. When they're, when they're like two and younger, you're, as a mom, you feel bad. Like you're so overworked with the baby and your body's taking a beating from having it.

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:54Stavros Halkias?

  So this is maybe arguably the worst time in your life for your husband to be treating you like this.

• 1:25:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:59Stavros Halkias?

  That is a red flag, unfortunately.

• 1:26:01Speaker 02

  And that's straight up gaslighting to, to, to respond with LMAO. As if y'all been dating for two months.

• 1:26:08Speaker 02

  Like, that is, that's a wild thing. And I, just like you said, don't be, not to be dramatic, but I could hear the hurt in her voice.

• 1:26:15Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:26:16Speaker 02

  And that's, bro, you gotta be better. And that's, I'm, I'm not trying to be.

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  And we're not like, we're not these guys either necessarily.

• 1:26:23Speaker 02

  I am not.

• 1:26:25Stavros Halkias?

  We've probably, between us, probably mistreated plenty of women.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:26:29Stavros Halkias?

  But this is a level even we can't go, stand behind.

• 1:26:32Speaker 02

  You gotta, you gotta stop. You gotta, you gotta.

• 1:26:34Speaker 03

  Now, let me play devil's advocate for one moment. What, you know?

• 1:26:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's why I'm going to you for the long, because I could see long-term being a little different. He, maybe he's also overworked, but anyway, I won't take devil's advocate from you. Go ahead, Aldous.

• 1:26:47Speaker 03

  You know, have you guys barely been fucking? Has he been like making advances that, you know, you just, you just have been like rejecting? Cause you're busy with a kid, life, work, whatever the fuck. Has there been like, is there like some kind of recent history of something like that? Where, you know?

• 1:27:08Speaker 03

  You're throwing up a I'm horny flair.

• 1:27:11Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:27:12Speaker 03

  And he's just like, oh, I've barked up this tree recently, you know, nothing's gonna come up. Not that that, you know.

• 1:27:18Stavros Halkias?

  You're going red pill Sula right now.

• 1:27:20Speaker 03

  Not that that alleviates him. Not that that alleviates him, but is there something of that? I'd be curious to know like what the dynamics are the last couple of years in terms of like sex.

• 1:27:30Stavros Halkias?

  She said they were healthy sex life.

• 1:27:31Speaker 03

  That's true, she did.

• 1:27:32Stavros Halkias?

  And now, and also, I see what you're saying. I don't think that's the devil's advocate position, though. I think the devil, first of all, I would say LMAO, if I were to get an LMAO back, it would should be like, LMAO, my bad, I saw them and I had to do something immediately, like that was a great, you know, whatever.

• 1:27:53Stavros Halkias?

  But I think the devil's advocate position is like, he's also overworked, he's also like, it was more of like a, right now, you guys have shifted into more of like a, unfortunately, almost, although even though she said they have a good sex life, when it's the kid, you know, when it's a baby, you're almost like a team that's kind of trying to survive day to day. I don't know, but even that, I'm trying to find this argument, it's half-hearted, I can't find it. Because your argument is, you're explaining the behavior, but what you're saying is, he's being passive aggressive because he didn't get something he wanted, which is not a good sign.

• 1:28:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:33Stavros Halkias?

  If they're living in a, if their sex life has taken a hit, or maybe, I think the argument is, maybe she perceives their sex life to be healthy, but he's not as happy with it. But what you do is not ignore her sexual advances, if that's how you feel, you let her know. And if you're trying to get it going, you can't react that way when she gets sexual.

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:57Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, that's the opposite thing, because now we see, we hear it, she's more insecure, she's gonna put out less. It's just, it is a red flag, because this is exactly what you would do to like, kind of punish your wife, unfortunately. Unfortunately, this is the behavior of someone who is resentful and is hurting her in a way that is acceptable, right? He couldn't like, you know. Uh, stop doing his half of the chores or whatever, or like stop, but he can be like, oh, come on, you're being ridiculous. In, within their private sex life where no one, where no one else is really a party to, that's where you can do a lot of gaslighting when you're being, when you're being resentful. That's why I think it's a red flag.

• 1:29:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was nuts.

• 1:29:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, ultimately, I agree. You know, I, I try, you know, me and my wife are playful, but I try to make my relationship the one relationship in my life for sure where I won't let like irony creep in and then where I'll just like stop, you know?

• 1:29:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, our entire life.

• 1:29:53Speaker 03

  If Stav sent me a text that's like, oh dude, I'm so fucking proud of this thing. I'd be like, wow, you're a fucking pussy or something.

• 1:30:00Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, hey man, really proud of the work you put in this tour. We've been doing so great. It's nothing but the top if we keep doing, trying our hardest. I love you so much, man. I can't fathom texting you that. But, but you, that's, that's the way you want to talk to your wife.

• 1:30:16Speaker 03

  LMAO, you're gay, comes in. But your wife, when your wife is sending you her titties, you do not send the LMAO.

• 1:30:24Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. If I sent you my dick, you would respond, LMAO, you're being weird for wanting a response. That's actually, he's responding like his boys sent him their nuts.

• 1:30:39Stavros Halkias?

  Big, big problem.

• 1:30:41Speaker 02

  What you want me to say about these?

• 1:30:45Stavros Halkias?

  And that's a huge, huge issue. Oh man. So yeah, sorry. I think unfortunately it is as bad as you think it is. Um, but you know, we're, bring it up. And in terms of advice, you know, you could say like, hey, you know, it did hurt my feelings. And if he, if he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was this serious and apologizes, good. And if he's like, you're being really fucking ridiculous. And if he, if he just doubles and triples down, that's a really bad sign.

• 1:31:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's such a vulnerable thing. Those could get leaked. Like those could like, she, she could accidentally text that to somebody at work.

• 1:31:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:18Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like, that's, that's like a crazy thing for you to just be flipping about, even if, even if you've seen them every day for nine years.

• 1:31:25Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like his behavior. Uh, you got time for one more, my friend?

• 1:31:30Speaker 02

  Hell yeah.

• 1:31:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Hit us with something to go out on, little LD.

• 1:31:41Speaker 04

  Hey, Sal, huge fan. Um, glad to be catching you at the Radio City Hall coming up, uh, this weekend. I got a question for you. I, uh, I'll just cut right to it. I own a whale skull, and it's not endangered, but it's, uh, it's protected, and I think it's pretty thick. It's like a, you know, it's a big, it's about four feet or so, and it's about fifty pounds, and it really ties the room together. You have it in a room? Uh, and... Four feet? I've had girls, you know, like, uh, come over and, you know, see it, and some are really, really into it, think it's pretty thick. Um, I'll have like lights on it and

• 1:32:23Speaker 04

  shit. Um, some girls aren't really that into it, or just don't give a shit about it. Um, I just wanted to ask you, you know, maybe get a second opinion on it. If, uh, you know, do you think this is like a red flag for, you know, for potential, uh, you know, people who are romantically interested or not? Um, is it fucking weird? Uh, I'm just, I think, I feel like, cause I've had some pushback, actually it's my mom, who I told, you know, I still have it at my, uh, setup. She, she thinks it scares, uh, she thinks it's gonna scare the ladies away.

• 1:32:59Speaker 02

  Scare the hoes.

• 1:33:00Speaker 04

  And, uh, I just think it's a bad rap because, you know, RFK, like, found a whale skull and, or, and, you know, kept it and traumatized his kid. So, I don't know, just wanted to get a second opinion. You're right. Thanks so much. Was that you supporting your argument?

• 1:33:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:16Speaker 04

  RFK did this.

• 1:33:17Stavros Halkias?

  And traumatized his kids with it.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  He got Cheryl high.

• 1:33:21Stavros Halkias?

  Cheryl is fine. Cheryl's a piece of ass. That is one of the funniest couples of all time. Um, whale skull.

• 1:33:31Stavros Halkias?

  I will say, having like fossils or like, or a sculpture or some shit that you see in a museum in your house is kind of interesting. It is like, you know, whenever, or when you see somebody who has like a real painting, you know what I mean, like not just a poster, like a real, I'm trying to buy a little art, like, the only thing I'm kind of interested in, in terms of rich guy shit is art.

• 1:33:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:52Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I do think in general, like decorating in a way that's different than like a Boondock Saints a Pulp Fiction poster and like, you know, whatever the fuck, like a fat head of your favorite.

• 1:34:06Speaker 02

  Oh, my LeBron fat head. Watching me, watching me from the wall in front of my bed. And if a girl come over and she don't like it, you can go to hell.

• 1:34:19Speaker 02

  King James is gonna watch me lay it down.

• 1:34:23Speaker 02

  I literally always wanted a fat head.

• 1:34:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:26Speaker 02

  And then I became, well, I was telling you about my apartment and I became a, got my own place. It is a cacophony of nonsense.

• 1:34:33Stavros Halkias?

  Just, yeah.

• 1:34:33Speaker 02

  Very immature, young man shit.

• 1:34:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:34:37Speaker 02

  But the fat head is the one thing that I didn't do. Because I was like, this is crazy to have this man. You can't do the fat head.

• 1:34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Although I was thinking like that wall right there, between those light switches.

• 1:34:47Speaker 02

  Come on, man.

• 1:34:48Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, that would be perfect for a fat head.

• 1:34:50Speaker 02

  Come on, Lamar Jackson running this right to the door.

• 1:34:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right there, like I bought all this expensive, nice furniture, but still in me, I'm like, put the Lamar fat head right there.

• 1:34:59Speaker 02

  That's when you gotta get a like, I have a, I have a Steph, a Steph signed picture.

• 1:35:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:04Speaker 02

  And I'm like, that's going up.

• 1:35:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's cool, yeah.

• 1:35:06Speaker 02

  Cause he signed it and I got a, I got a Blake Griffin jersey.

• 1:35:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 1:35:10Speaker 02

  Like, that he signed as well.

• 1:35:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:35:12Speaker 02

  And it's framed.

• 1:35:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:13Speaker 02

  So I'm like, cool with shit like that. I think the skull head thing is, is interesting and if you are, if you, if that's what you into, if you like that, if you could explain everything about it.

• 1:35:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point.

• 1:35:23Speaker 02

  Then you could keep. Dead Joker.

• 1:35:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually a great point. What does it signify to you?

• 1:35:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:29Stavros Halkias?

  Because having shit that's a little weird, but that matters to you and that you like that you're the that makes you like the way I'm decorating my shit now is like, you know what? I'm just doing shit that I love that has a story behind it. That's like, so I bought this weird little thing at an antique store on tour. That's always going to remind me of that stop on the tour. I have a fun story to tell, you know, an art, a movie or an artist that was really important to me and my mom or some shit like that. Um, but the sense I'm getting from him is that he's just like, it's fucking sick. It's a fucking bone. Like, he didn't really, he wasn't like, I'm studying whales.

• 1:36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:04Stavros Halkias?

  We got it in an ethical way and I like to point out the, you know, how the, how the different shape of their, whatever the fuck. To me, he was just like, I have a skull in my fucking apartment. I, I put lights on it. It's awesome.

• 1:36:16Speaker 02

  An Inuit boiled the meat off.

• 1:36:20Speaker 02

  We ate the meat and then I kept the skull with me. Yeah.

• 1:36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Right. If it was, if it was, if you were like at an Inuit fucking coming of age ceremony and, and you had a traditional fucking Wayne Brails, Wayne Brain Stew, Whale Brain Stew. Yeah, that's different. That would be my main thing. How did you come? It, it seems like it's a family heirloom. His mom, his mom knows about it. Did he give us any background here?

• 1:36:45Speaker 02

  He said his mom says it's scaring the hoes too.

• 1:36:47Speaker 03

  He didn't really say exactly how he got it. He just said, yeah, he says his mom is aware of it, but she did say it'll scare the hoes.

• 1:36:56Stavros Halkias?

  Now, look, I, I think ultimately, yeah, it comes down to, I mean, how, he said four feet?

• 1:37:02Speaker 03

  Four feet, 50 pounds.

• 1:37:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking huge.

• 1:37:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:05Stavros Halkias?

  How big is your, are your fucking place?

• 1:37:06Speaker 02

  I know. Like, if you got enough room for a four foot whale.

• 1:37:09Stavros Halkias?

  In this apartment, I wouldn't put a fucking four foot, 50 pound piece of sculptural, you know?

• 1:37:14Speaker 02

  It definitely is a conversation starter. You look at it, all right. Now, so what's the deal with that?

• 1:37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I guess, I guess my question is, yes, definitely a conversation starter, but. Does it make sense in your apartment?

• 1:37:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:27Stavros Halkias?

  Is it in the middle of everything? Like, if you have a big enough place where it makes sense and you're passionate about it, okay. But if you're like, if it's the only thing like hanging behind your couch, if it's the only thing on your wall. My hunch is probably not, but look, like the other day, if you like it, fine, but what are your reasons for liking it? Like, for example, to me, it's a little, it's, it's close to having a fucking deer head on your wall.

• 1:37:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:52Stavros Halkias?

  And I don't think that I would want that other than if I was kind of doing a kitschy.

• 1:37:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:58Stavros Halkias?

  If I was trying to make a room look like a shitty bar on purpose.

• 1:38:01Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:38:01Stavros Halkias?

  If it was the kind of irony Aldous is trying to avoid with his wife. But it doesn't sound like this guy's doing ironic.

• 1:38:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:38:08Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, decor, so I personally probably wouldn't do it, but ultimately, you know, I, I would probably tell you not to do it, but if you really want to, I don't give a fuck.

• 1:38:18Speaker 02

  Not in my apartment.

• 1:38:19Stavros Halkias?

  I would never.

• 1:38:20Speaker 02

  So once I get a house, I'm like, ah, my P. foul.

• 1:38:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:25Speaker 02

  But like, not, not in my apartment.

• 1:38:26Stavros Halkias?

  Let me take you to the menagerie.

• 1:38:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:30Speaker 02

  There's gonna be some knives out in here tonight.

• 1:38:33Stavros Halkias?

  Shit, we should get a Lamar Fathead for the office, Aldous.

• 1:38:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:36Stavros Halkias?

  We have a lot of wall real estate to cover at the office. But, all right, that, I think that's our advice, whatever. Fuck you, fuck you, dude.

• 1:38:46Stavros Halkias?

  But imagine, here's what I would tell you, if that cost me getting pussy even once.

• 1:38:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:50Stavros Halkias?

  It's gone.

• 1:38:51Speaker 02

  It's gotta go.

• 1:38:52Stavros Halkias?

  If it fucks you up even one time, it's gone.

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:55Speaker 03

  Now, I think it, I think it's more like, it comes down to like, I think it's okay if it keeps you from getting pussy once or twice. You will, you will find, I think when you're single, it's good to like be invested in how your room is laid out.

• 1:39:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:39:11Speaker 03

  You know, you're thinking about your interior, even if it's like something as stupid as this. But it's still better than like, you know, empty Bacardi bottles above the cabinet in like the kitchen.

• 1:39:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually a great point. Maybe you're just, maybe this was okay from, you know, 20, 24 to 26. And, but now at 27, 28, third to 30, it's time. Time to let go.

• 1:39:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:35Stavros Halkias?

  Because I do feel like heads in general, like antlers and, and, and skulls kinda were cool decor. Like, you know, it's kind of like, it kinda goes hand in hand with like the Edison bulb movement.

• 1:39:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:48Stavros Halkias?

  You know, skulls and like exposed brick and all that shit kinda goes together. So I think you're just, maybe it has served you well for a few years, but it's time to grow up. That might just be it. You're right.

• 1:40:01Speaker 03

  And the bottom line is, I don't think it'll like, a girl that likes you, I don't think it's gonna make her not wanna fuck you.

• 1:40:06Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:40:06Speaker 03

  But if it gets serious, you guys are moving in, she's looking at that thing. That's the first thing that's gotta go on the curb, you know?

• 1:40:12Stavros Halkias?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:40:13Speaker 03

  So.

• 1:40:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually a good point.

• 1:40:15Speaker 02

  Sell it now, while it might have some worth.

• 1:40:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right. Absolutely. Sell it now, dude. Get a smaller skull.

• 1:40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:40:21Stavros Halkias?

  Think about the next thing you wanna be into decor wise, cuz that's a good, that's actually a good lesson for life. You nailed it with that. That served you well for a second. You gotta keep moving, brother. You can't do it well once. You can't decorate once when you're 25 and be like, well, this is it forever. You gotta keep growing and changing, or else you become like, you know, like, just old guys that are still like dressing like the, you know, like the 90s right now, or whatever. Although I guess now it's kinda back. If you just kinda like, I feel like Timothy Chalamet will come out in a fucking Nietzsche. You know what I mean? So it's like, you know, I don't know what the, I don't know what the, what the moral is, actually.

• 1:40:59Speaker 03

  I'm waiting for Echo to come back. I feel like they're overdue.

• 1:41:03Stavros Halkias?

  But it feels like it should have already happened.

• 1:41:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:05Stavros Halkias?

  It feel like that really, like the, the Rhino, I actually have a sick purple Echo bomber jacket in Astoria.

• 1:41:13Speaker 02

  You still got it?

• 1:41:14Stavros Halkias?

  I still have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:16Speaker 02

  We never needed those in LA.

• 1:41:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, jacket. That's true. Not big jacket.

• 1:41:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:21Stavros Halkias?

  Jacket culture. Yeah, you, you were pretty, you were pretty much in warm places your whole life.

• 1:41:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:25Stavros Halkias?

  Is spending any time in the cold pissing you off?

• 1:41:28Speaker 02

  I hate it.

• 1:41:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:29Speaker 02

  It's the worst. It's the fucking worst. I was in Vegas a couple of weeks ago and it was like 102 degrees and I had left here where it was like 25 degrees. Got sick, absolutely. And then, but I got there and I was like, you know, after experiencing both of those extremes. Like that Vegas shit is uncomfortable. I can't do the cold.

• 1:41:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:48Speaker 02

  Now, only thing that makes the hot terrible is when you don't have A C in your bedrooms. I can't sleep hot.

• 1:41:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. There's no way I could see, and that's what, that's what does kill me about Europe as a fat American. I love everything about it, except, bro, sometimes you go to a hotel room and they'll be like, and sometimes you'll search A C and they have some bullshit.

• 1:42:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:06Stavros Halkias?

  Some bullshit European, it's a fan. It's like a fan with like an ice cube that a fucking, you know, that the, the door guy comes and puts up every four hours. They refresh your ice cube in front of the fan. But yeah, whatever the fuck your question was. Fuck your whale head. Fuck you. Whale head sucks, actually.

• 1:42:28Stavros Halkias?

  All right, that's gonna do it for us. Uh, Carl, what do we, what, what are the people, and we should say Carl's one of the funniest fucking guys.

• 1:42:35Speaker 02

  Thank you, man.

• 1:42:36Stavros Halkias?

  Such a, I mean, an incredible improviser. I was kind of out of the, like the, cause we're the same age and it was like, there wasn't, I think right before you were like a comedy bang bang mainstay, I was like really in there. But there was a period where I was like, I gotta stop listening to other comedy pods. And so I, I missed kind of your tenure, but every time I would see clips you were on, so fucking hilarious.

• 1:42:57Speaker 02

  Thank you, bro, I appreciate that.

• 1:42:57Stavros Halkias?

  The chief shit you, as a, as a child of, as someone who was dropped off to play Carmen San Diego on the library computer while my mom did errands, you're like, if you're, if you're a Carmen San Diego head at all, look up Carl's chief character on comedy bang bang, uh, and if you're ever seeing a bailiff, odds are it's Carl Tart.

• 1:43:15Speaker 02

  My name will either be Carl, Gary, or Craig.

• 1:43:21Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, let's plug some stuff.

• 1:43:22Speaker 02

  I'm on Instagram at damn it Carl, D A M M I T C A R L. You gotta listen to, I got a basketball podcast with my boys Hayes, Davenport, and Sean Clements called The Flagrant Ones. It's on Patreon, if you go to patreon.com forward slash Hollywood Handbook, they got a show over there called Hollywood Handbook.

• 1:43:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:43:39Speaker 02

  Check that out. Same with that network, I, I got a, uh, Sopranos watch podcast with my boy Lamar called X O X O Bottom Bings. It's called it, it's called that because we had a, we watched Gossip Girl.

• 1:43:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:43:52Speaker 02

  We called it X O X O Gossip Kings, it's like two black dudes in their mid thirties watching Gossip Girl. Our favorite show, our favorite character on the show was the dad and we were like, man, this dude, they, they disrespecting this dude.

• 1:44:02Stavros Halkias?

  I got it, that's, that sounds like a hilarious show, it also sounds like. Perfect show for white improv fans.

• 1:44:07Speaker 02

  Oh, they love.

• 1:44:08Stavros Halkias?

  For them to be like, I have black friends.

• 1:44:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:10Stavros Halkias?

  And they're covering a show I like.

• 1:44:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then we moved over to Sopranos, much darker than Gossip Girl. So definitely harder to mine jokes out of some of the scenes. Cause we went from being like Blair and Chuck are having a fight to, so Ralphie killed that stripper.

• 1:44:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's, I mean, but to be fair, that is like the most evil episode of the show.

• 1:44:30Speaker 02

  That was fucking awful, man.

• 1:44:31Stavros Halkias?

  It was almost like they had to be like, and just so you guys remember, these are monsters.

• 1:44:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:44:36Stavros Halkias?

  Like they kinda every, like it lasted for six seasons. Every like, every like, let me like two and a half seasons, every two seasons, they would just remind you like,

• 1:44:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:47Stavros Halkias?

  These are the worst guys of all time.

• 1:44:49Speaker 02

  And it's crazy, man. It's so hard to mind comment, but we still do. We have, we have a good time.

• 1:44:53Stavros Halkias?

  I love it.

• 1:44:53Speaker 02

  So come on over to patreon.com slash Hollywood handbook. Uh, I'm around, I'm, I'm doing live shows in, uh, in Boston, Philly and DC in June.

• 1:45:04Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:45:04Speaker 02

  Tiro Sullivan and friends and her friends from work. We all SNL writers and a couple of SNL cast members.

• 1:45:10Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:45:10Speaker 02

  And then, uh, one more out in, uh, in Pittsburgh, I'll be with my team, the big team. And then we'll be back in New York for the DCM festival.

• 1:45:18Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:45:19Speaker 02

  So all that stuff will be on Instagram and yeah, just.

• 1:45:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Check out Carl's shit. So fucking funny.

• 1:45:25Speaker 02

  Thank you, man. Thanks for traveling.

• 1:45:26Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, dude. Anytime, anytime for sure. And, uh, and we, we're probably, we've announced this by, by the time this episode comes out. We have added, uh, the West Coast swing. As everybody knows, I broke my arm like a fucking clumsy piece of shit. And it postponed the special recording. Special is gonna be the July 18th and 19th in Baltimore. We're still doing it in Baltimore. We're seeing thousands. What the fuck was that? What are you playing, motherfucker? It's your computer. Something's coming through the speaker.

• 1:45:58Stavros Halkias?

  What are you playing through the speakers?

• 1:46:01Stavros Halkias?

  What video are you watching? It's like jerk your pathetic penis. Your pathetic penis, you tall piece of shit.

• 1:46:11Stavros Halkias?

  Has an elevator fallen on you? Pull that dick out. You dropped the box you were holding, you pathetic, small-cocked loser.

• 1:46:20Speaker 03

  I don't know what the fuck that was.

• 1:46:21Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, well, hopefully we don't figure it out ever. But yes, the special, a lot of people are asking for refunds, and I understand that, but listen, the rest of you that can make it, if you couldn't have made it in, uh, in April, now July 18th and 19th, please come out. Uh, but we've added a West Coast swing again, so one last time, we're gonna hit a lot of the markets. We started the tour with two, two and a half years ago now, so Seattle, Portland, LA. We're coming to Reno for the first time. Oh, yeah. Um, I'm excited for that. We're doing the Bay Area, we're doing San Jose this time. We've never done San Jose. We always do either Oakland or San Francisco, so that'll be fun. Uh, Phoenix, uh, and then we've added July 3rd, July 4th weekend, Atlantic City Casino, baby.

• 1:47:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's gonna be fucking awesome. And then we're ending, right before the special, we're gonna do, Long Island, and we're gonna do, uh, somewhere in Jersey, close, so we don't have to drive too far. So, anyway, that's gonna do it for us, folks. Please buy a ticket, please come out to the special, go watch Carl's shit, and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye-bye.

• 1:47:34Stavros Halkias?

  Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival Cruise vacation, gift cards from DoorDash, and Best Buy. Feel the play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag.

• 1:47:52Speaker 05

  No purchase necessary. 50 U.S. and D.C. age 18+. See playatmcd.com for rules and playatmcd.com/amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2nd. Chance card game ends November 8th. Game ends November 22nd, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.