#646 - Hey Patty!!

Theo is back with a solo episode to talk about the tough origins of St. Patrick, why we can’t let the chaos of the world affect our spirit, and visiting Albuquerque for a Pavia basketball game. He also announces the release date for his new movie “Busboys” with David Spade and listens to some wild voicemails from real busboys. Busboys Movie (Tickets on sale 3/16) : https://www.busboysmovie.com ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Producer: Halston https://www.instagram.com/halstonrays/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Theo Von?

  I want to wish everybody a happy St. Patrick's Day. And that's what it is, baby St. Patty. Hey Patty. Do Patty. We used to have this girl by us and her parents didn't let her do much. You know, and God didn't really let her do much. She didn't have. You know, she probably had. A couple of abilities. But she would, uh, she was in charge of bringing the garbage out to the curb. You know?

• 1:00Theo Von?

  And, uh, we'd be out there by the bus stop sometime and she'd lug them cans on out. And it was kind of like. One of the only times she'd kind of go out and about. And so she'd get all dressed up and. Um, and even just put her mama's lipstick on and pull them garbage cans out there. And we'd be like, hey Patty. And she would smile, bro. She smiled. I mean, she would get all shy sometime and even hide, but she would stop pulling the can and hide behind it. So she'd be hiding behind that garbage can, but we'd be like, hey, hey Patty. Just kind of, you know, being sweet to her, whatever. Just not really flirting, but just. You know, just hey Patty in her.

• 1:42Theo Von?

  And, uh, and she would just be so shy and nervous, boy. Hey Patty. And she'd be pulling that can out there to the curb. But she'd smile so big when we'd kind of like be flirting at her, you know? And her lipstick, man, she'd smile so big she'd get lipstick on her, on her earlobes, bruh. She was like that, happyed out. And there's something nice about that, seeing somebody get joyed out. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Who was St. Patrick? Let me look it up real quick.

• 2:14Theo Von?

  Who was Saint Patrick? Cause I've been to some Saint Patty's, boy. I've been, dude, I remember, one time I was out, I remember down in Rochester, downtown over there. And people are getting blasted, they're just like, "Saint Patrick, Saint Patrick." They don't even know, you know. "Hey Patty." People don't even know what's going on, dude. People out there just eating cigarettes. And just, dude, I had one dude, he had his kid in a, uh, one of those wagons. Um, like a little wagon, he had a one-year-old, just, or maybe a half of one-year-old. That bitch probably, you know, just however much half of one is. And that was him, the baby.

• 2:59Theo Von?

  Just a little damn manger, this motherfucker had like a little to-go manger, just, it's, just some hay around that bitch. And he'd stacked a bunch of to-go orders on top of that baby, bruh. Just to keep him warm, bruh. A baby stay warm. Touch a baby, bruh, in a, on its back or whatever. Touch it again in an hour, I bet you that bitch still warm. But yeah, this dude, he was just rolling home, bruh, he had like six or seven to-go orders stacked on that sleeping baby, bruh. Bunch of garbage plates stacked on a damn four-month-old, cut. What do we got here, Saint Patrick?

• 3:39Theo Von?

  And this is on perplexity, that's what I'm using. Saint Patrick was a 5th century Christian missionary and bishop. Uh, he was born in Britain.

• 3:49Theo Von?

  At age 16, he was captured by Irish raiders and taken to Ireland as a slave, where he herded animals for about six years, before escaping back to his family. Let's go Patty. "Hey Patty." After returning home, he eventually trained for ministry and later felt called back to Ireland as a missionary, okay?

• 4:11Theo Von?

  Patrick spent years traveling through parts of Ireland, preaching, baptizing, founding churches, and ordaining clergy. He is traditionally regarded as the first bishop of Arma, and became the leading figure associated with Ireland's conversion from paganism to Christianity. Dang, he was that dog. He was that Lord dog, brother. We ride here. Hey Penny. He was a lord dog. The famous story that he drove the snakes out of Ireland is considered a legend, often read symbolically. Since there is no evidence Ireland had native snakes after the last ice age. Wow. So there's no snakes in Ireland, huh?

• 4:55Theo Von?

  They're all working in politics in Israel, I guess. Or America. Um. Anyway, happy Saint Patrick's Day to everybody who's celebrating. Got my green on. Got my green on. Uh, what's cracking dude? Not much, bro. Um, just got back from Albert.

• 5:16Theo Von?

  Albert.

• 5:18Theo Von?

  They put so many Kirkirkirk's in it. You know, by the time you're done saying it, you're gone. You already left. You're like, damn, I don't need, you know, I was there, but I couldn't say it fast enough because they had too many Kirkirkirkirk. Albert. Albert.

• 5:36Theo Von?

  Have you tried the green chilies? Bro, if you haven't been to Albert.

• 5:44Theo Von?

  Then you don't, you don't, you don't know what it's like, bro. When you get there, it's fricking, it's very Latino, you know, it's like a lot of like essays who never wrote any essays, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like that, it's like a fucking like. But it's also like a lot of hardworking, good people there. Uh. A lot of kindness, bro. You know, Mexican culture, bro. They fricking, it's a blast, dude. They have a blast, bro. You know, and that most of our labors in the U, in America, most of the hardest workers are Mexicanos. Not all of them, I'm not saying that. And everybody's kind of taking their turn over time. If you look through history, all cultures have taken their time of being hard workers.

• 6:26Theo Von?

  Um, and some, you know, some are more prevalent now than others, but it's for sure they got a lot of Latinos there. Latinos aquí, aquí Latinos. And bro, it's, but you got a lot of construction babies down there, children born out on even, you know, you, you'll, you'll be, you'll, you'll see in the street, they'll have two kids, even just, even the children are just involved in trades, you know? I saw two kids just throwing a piece of, uh, drywall back and forth. You'll see a homeless dude, he'll have a sign, but it's written in drywall and it's really edged really well and you know, he's got um baseboard at the bottom of his sign, you know, like even shit like that, you're like, damn this. You'll see a dog house there, just the shingles are done really well.

• 7:11Theo Von?

  There's just like a Latino guy just drinking under one of the eaves of the home.

• 7:18Theo Von?

  But yeah, man, it's a place you

• 7:22Theo Von?

  you grow to love, man. But I'll say this about Albuquerque, bro, they don't like doing two stories on nothing. Everything is just one story, bro. One, just like only one story, it's almost like for a long time, they maybe didn't have a ladder. They, and then finally they got a ladder because they'll, they'll be like 50 miles of just one story houses, just like ranch style home, just.

• 7:49Theo Von?

  Have you tried the green chilies? Everywhere you go to eat, we went to a place, um, I went to watch my friend, uh, Diego's sister was playing basketball out there in the state tournament. And so we went to watch our game and uh, it was cool. It was at the pit where the Lobos play, where the New Mexico uh, basketball team plays. And they won their game, they lost their second game, but um, you'll get them next year. That's the vibe and yeah, it was just great, bro. We went to a place to eat called Frontier. Oh, it was so good, bro. It was just so fucking good. Hank Patty. But they also, it's like, no matter who you talk to there, they're just like, yeah, have you tried the green chilies?

• 8:35Theo Von?

  They'll have a dude in a coma or whatever, and he'll finally like start to say something and they'll be like, he's, he's gonna talk and he'll be like, have you tried the green chilies? It's all anybody cares about, bro. You could be going to jail and they'll be like, how do you plead? And they'll be like, I've tried the green chilies. It's just, there's something about it, bro. That's just their thing, bro, the green chilies over there. So. But that was a, it was a blast to just to get to go over there. We just went for the day, caught the game and uh, and came back home. What else is going on? Uh.

• 9:13Theo Von?

  Well, personally, I guess there's, oh, we're gonna, we gotta, this episode, we're gonna talk to some busboys. We're gonna talk about the busboys movie. The tickets, the tickets for the movie go on sale March 16th. So, uh, so that's gonna be wonderful. We have, we have some busboys that have just called in and left voicemails. We put an all call out for that. So that's what's popping.

• 9:39Theo Von?

  Have you tried the green chilies?

• 9:44Theo Von?

  It's fucking crazy over there, dog. You'll see a kid in the street just fucking throwing a drill, just throwing a drill to his friend. It's, this is, it's a construction area, bro. The whole place, a lot of people there working construction, but the place looks like it could probably use a little bit of construction. So it's just a dichotomy over there, you know? But a lot of great people. Uh, we had a blast, man. And unique people, bro. Unique, I could see why they say a lot of times UFOs landed out there because they got some, they got people that's halfway to space out there. And now, but,

• 10:24Theo Von?

  they got some people that's halfway to space. Hey, Penny. Have you tried the green chilies, Patty? Like dude, chill, she's just bringing out the recycling bin. She's shy.

• 10:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, we'll get into that in a second. What's going on, dude? With me? I gotta check in, man. It's been, it's like, I don't know. I don't want us to get into like a complaining culture.

• 10:53Theo Von?

  Nobody wants to hear that shit. What's going on? Uh, I started a thing where I'm taking a break from dating and interacting with women. So that's been going pretty good. It's nice. I just wanted to, uh, just take a break from like, I just wanted to have time to focus on myself and my higher and my relationship with my higher power. So just to try and get some just things on track better and um.

• 11:23Theo Von?

  You know, I think like in the world, like you're like a magnet, right? Everybody is like a magnet. I think this is my thoughts and. And you attract certain things and your magnet gets attracted to certain places and sometimes it's a great spot. Uh, but sometimes you gotta just check in on the magnet. Make sure the magnet's working, see what's going on with the magnet. So yeah, that's what I wanted to do. Um.

• 11:50Theo Von?

  You know, because I've been attached to some good metals over the years here and there. Uh, some precious metals, but I think I just need to take some time just to kind of look at the magnet. And just see what's going on. Uh.

• 12:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, and I just wanna, wanted, wanted to try and work on my relationship with my higher power. You know, I've just been recently, I've just been kind of sometimes, uh.

• 12:16Theo Von?

  I don't know, so like I just hadn't really been praying that much recently.

• 12:21Theo Von?

  Um. And I was talking to my therapist, therapist about it yesterday. I couldn't figure out exactly why. Uh. I think.

• 12:33Theo Von?

  You know, sometimes, sometimes I. Sometimes I don't want to do everything I'm supposed to do to take care of myself.

• 12:43Theo Von?

  And it may not make sense to some people or whatever, and that's fine, but it's like.

• 12:49Theo Von?

  Yes, sometimes I just, I don't want to do ever like. You know, I'll be doing like so many, like I'll be doing good things for myself, taking care of myself this way and this way and this way. And I know it's impossible for us to do everything to take care of ourselves. We don't want to live like. Eh eh eh as like slaves to like, um.

• 13:07Theo Von?

  You know, exactly what we're, you know. Every article that comes out or everything we hear, you know, that kind of thing would be impossible for me, but. But yeah, sometimes I just don't want to do all the things I'm supposed to do to take care of myself. Sometimes I want to like, well, I'm not doing that or there's always one that I'll kind of leave out or I don't know. I think I can't understand, I can't explain exactly what I'm saying, but I'm trying to.

• 13:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't know. I just, sometimes I don't want to do everything I'm supposed to do to take care of myself. Does that make any sense to you, Trevin?

• 13:42Speaker 02

  It does, yeah. And you're saying like you're trying to now kind of check in and like re-center?

• 13:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, and I was just like, why am I not praying? Like, what am I against? Like, I'm not against praying, you know? I mean, I want a better relationship with my higher power, I think. I think honestly, part of me scared if I do...

• 14:03Theo Von?

  If I do the things I'm supposed to do for myself, then I'm gonna have to change.

• 14:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, that I'm gonna have, not changing in a bad way or anything, but just that things could be different.

• 14:19Theo Von?

  You know, and I won't have...

• 14:22Theo Von?

  I don't know. There's always a part of me that wants to be able to say, "I'm not doing that."

• 14:28Theo Von?

  You know, "I'm not doing..."

• 14:31Theo Von?

  You know, "I'm not doing that. No, I'm gonna do things my way," you know? So, I don't know what it is, but...

• 14:39Theo Von?

  But that's been something, um... And so I was grateful today, like... Even before this episode, I was just asking God for some help, you know? I was just saying, I just feel kind of sometimes exhausted in some ways. I feel like I can't figure out sometimes what I'm supposed to do. Just like in the world, like with work and stuff, I can, but I, you know? It's just like, um... Yeah, what does God want me to do?

• 15:11Theo Von?

  And maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just scared sometimes of asking the God that and trying, and getting like a real answer. Yeah, what does God want me to do?

• 15:23Theo Von?

  And then it's like, you know?

• 15:27Theo Von?

  And this sounds kind of, I don't know if it sounds lazy or what it sounds, but...

• 15:32Theo Von?

  Sometimes I get tired of being the one to always have to take care of myself.

• 15:39Theo Von?

  You know, I just, I get tired of being, I was like, oh.

• 15:43Theo Von?

  Okay. Here we go again. I gotta be, you know. I gotta come to my own rescue. And I know that those, that those are the, that that's the truth. But sometimes I just get kinda tired of it.

• 15:56Theo Von?

  You know?

• 15:58Theo Von?

  And I'm not trying to say anything like I'm doing great.

• 16:02Theo Von?

  But that's just kinda some real ways that I'm feeling.

• 16:06Theo Von?

  I've been doing good about pornography and looking at pornos and hey Patty. And, uh, and masturbation. Or jerking off. Or touching your cock buddy.

• 16:21Theo Von?

  But then I've, I slipped up yesterday. So I think part of me has some negative feeling about that, you know? Not negative, but just like, you know, I think I get tired of getting like, man, I'll get to like four or five day, you know? Sometimes I've gotten a long time. I've had months and, but, you know, and then I'll just like, I don't know. So it's all good. Just trying to be like, just say what's going on with me. And, yeah. And yeah, that's it. Sometimes you just, you jerk off because it's almost St. Patrick's Day, but that's not a good reason, dude. You can't be like, I'm jerking off because it's almost St. Patrick's Day. That's fucking crazy, bro. That's crazy. Hey Patty.

• 17:06Theo Von?

  So that's some of what's going on with me.

• 17:11Theo Von?

  But I'll say this, it has been nice taking a break from like dating and social interaction. With women has been nice because it, there's been times where it's like, yeah, I have some more time to myself. I have some more time to think.

• 17:27Theo Von?

  Yeah. And it gives my brain a little bit more like space to be like, okay, hey, what's going on?

• 17:33Theo Von?

  You know, and to kind of check in with myself. So, uh, yeah, I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful that, um, yeah, just that I can work on the magnet, you know? So that's been happening. What else? Uh, you know, does, people message me a lot of times or will tell me, "Hey, why don't you talk about this thing?" Or, "Why don't you talk about Iran or Iran?" Because people say it different. And, uh, and a lot of people will ask me about, "Hey, will you talk about this?" Or, "Will you say something about this? This is going on." A lot of different causes that are dear to people's hearts and minds. And I understand that. And I wish there was, that I could talk about everything.

• 18:19Theo Von?

  Sometimes I don't know enough. Sometimes I don't, uh, I'm, sometimes I'm burnt out from absorbing, like, you know, you absorb so much horrible stuff that's out there, that's happening. And it just like, it ruins you. It ruins you. It's like, and, and there's algorithms that are set up, it feels like, to ruin you.

• 18:46Theo Von?

  So it's not that I don't care about certain things. It's just that, you know, I have to take care of myself. I have to make sure that I'm living and, uh, surviving and make sure that my life is okay. And, um, that the people that I'm responsible for through work and family, that, you know, that I'm upholding my, uh, place in their lives, you know? So I think that's it. And not that anybody's asking me to answer about that.

• 19:13Theo Von?

  But I'm sure a lot of people deal with that, where it's like, people like, "Why, why don't you speak up about certain things?" Or, "Why don't, you know?" And some of it's just, it's too much.

• 19:22Theo Von?

  Some of it's, it's too much. Some of it, I don't know enough about it. So I try to, I try to speak up where I can. I try to speak up when I feel compelled.

• 19:32Theo Von?

  And sometimes I feel compelled and I'm, I don't know exactly what to say. I don't know enough information. So I want to have people on to learn more. And sometimes we have guests set up in advance and so it's like certain guests aren't the space to have a certain conversation with people. So, um, yeah, I'm not beholden to anyone about anything like that. Um, but I do want to say that. And yeah, I'm doing the best that I can. Um, maybe in time I'll be able to, uh, have more information about certain topics and do better. I can do better to learn. Um, and I try my best. It's hard to know also what is, uh, clean information.

• 20:13Theo Von?

  And, and that's a scary thing. So, yeah, I'm not apologizing or anything. I just, I want to speak up about that. That I also have to take care of me. Um, and show up in the spaces that I'm supposed to show up as a human. And also not to like, you know, I, I don't, it's tough when you attack, when you, you know, it's just, it's a time that's a lot. And I'm sure a lot of people feel that way, that it's a lot. Um, but I do see things and I do, uh, pray about things. It doesn't mean that I don't know about them, you know, and, uh, yeah, and that's where I'm at with that.

• 20:54Theo Von?

  Um, you know, I have spoken about this before, but I do have a lot of uncomfort about America's relationship with Israel. The Israeli political leaders, that's what I mean. Um, I just, I believe that that group is,

• 21:12Theo Von?

  it is, it just feels like a satanic

• 21:19Theo Von?

  regime. It doesn't seem, it feels like they just want to cause pain. They just, I mean, the, you know, these, they don't even know where all the bodies from Gaza are. And they're already moved on to other places that they are, um, attacking and that America's associated now with their attacks.

• 21:45Theo Von?

  And I don't, I, I believe that that will come here one day. I don't believe that, uh, that the Israeli leaders, that they have any intention to.

• 21:56Theo Von?

  To stop that, I don't see that they

• 22:00Theo Von?

  have any care for the American people. It doesn't seem like that. I've never heard that spoken.

• 22:08Theo Von?

  And I believe that if we don't speak up now, that our children won't have the chance to speak up.

• 22:15Theo Von?

  Either by law

• 22:18Theo Von?

  or by worse. And that may sound crazy to some people, and that's fine if it does. If it does sound crazy to you and you think I'm crazy on that point of view, that's okay. I don't,

• 22:28Theo Von?

  you know, I may disagree with you, but that's okay. You know, I do want to, you know, I worked hard to be able to have a voice for myself. And so I hope at least you just respect that. Or I hope at least you just see that. Like, at least I'm trying to say what I want to say.

• 22:50Theo Von?

  And I don't understand our government's relationship with Israel's leaders and with Israel's government. I don't understand it. You know, I just, it feels like there's this war machine and, and then our soldiers and are put into these spaces and they're just there to serve in America that they believe in.

• 23:09Theo Von?

  And it's no knock against them or anything like that. It's just, I just don't, I just, it just feels like it's causing a lot of pain and fear. And yeah, I don't understand our, our,

• 23:24Theo Von?

  I don't understand Trump's relationship. I don't understand our political, like, why we are so beholden to these, to this government, this Israeli government that, that just seems to be obsessed with

• 23:40Theo Von?

  control.

• 23:43Theo Von?

  And it feels like

• 23:46Theo Von?

  Like bloodlust, like they just like, it's not enough, like after what happened in Gaza, I don't see, to me, I don't, I don't see how there could be any other view.

• 23:59Theo Von?

  But if someone else has a different one, that's okay. That's their point of view. I'm just happy to be able to speak up for myself, even if I'm wrong.

• 24:11Theo Von?

  Even if I'm wrong, there's a part of me that,

• 24:16Theo Von?

  even though I feel scared sometimes, that I'm happy to be able to speak up for myself and say that. You know?

• 24:25Theo Von?

  Because it's, I've, yeah, having a voice has always been important to me. And I'm sure it is to a lot of people. And they're making laws now, there are bills being presented where we won't even have a chance to have a voice at some point. There's surveillance infrastructure that's being put into place. There's a lot of things happening right now, and some people are like, "Well, it's too much for me to get involved in." I understand that. I understand that. But yeah, I believe that if we don't speak up now,

• 24:59Theo Von?

  and it may already be too late, but if we don't speak up now, that one day our kids will not be able to. And it's disappointing to me too, that a lot of our religious leaders haven't said anything. I don't understand it.

• 25:13Theo Von?

  I don't understand that.

• 25:17Theo Von?

  But there's a lot of stuff I don't understand, you know?

• 25:25Theo Von?

  And I think this has been going on for a long time. I do not understand Trump's infatuation with, or like beholding to this government. But they've had, you know, Israeli government's been involved in America for a long time, throughout countless political party leaders. So it's nothing new. It just feels very extreme right now, and it feels very scary. That's what it feels like. And I don't understand

• 25:59Theo Von?

  how our relationship with them is helping America. But that's just me. That's just my thoughts.

• 26:11Theo Von?

  Alright, let's move on. Um, I just had to say that, so I know some people was like, dude, it's too political, whatever. But that's, I have to speak up for myself. You know what I'm saying? I've worked hard in my life to have a place for a voice. And you may not even want everyone to hear my voice again, that's okay. But I have to speak up for myself, even if I'm wrong.

• 26:39Theo Von?

  And it's just a lot, that's a lot of fear I see of just every day. People around me, like, what's going on here? People from different parties too, that like this candidate, or like this candidate, what the fuck is going on? I have no idea. I have no idea. But it's, it seems super scary, that's the feeling, scary.

• 27:04Theo Von?

  You know, the industrial war complex, just like everything, you know, the fact that, um, we know that our foods are poisoning us, just all, we know that the healthcare, that when, after your food poisons you, you go to get hel- you go to get healthcare and you get screwed there, it just, it's fu- it's crazy.

• 27:26Theo Von?

  It's crazy.

• 27:28Theo Von?

  And then we get sedate, you start looking at America, dude, you get, people get sedate. It's like, as long as I have my vape and I'm able to watch like, some kids do the stanky leg video or something, it's like, then I'm, you know?

• 27:41Theo Von?

  It's like, we've just like, slowly gotten sedated. It's pretty wild, and I, who knows what will happen? But shit went from like, kind of, seemed like, kind of mundane in the world, to fucking, high speed. It feels like. But then you, you can't get so wrapped up in it, that, that's all you're thinking about and all you're talking about either. Uh, because then that is giving, that's like, that's what they want, you know? They don't want us to live.

• 28:12Theo Von?

  You know, they don't want us to live, they want us to be alive, but they don't want us to live.

• 28:21Theo Von?

  But anyway, I know that all that stuff is a lot, but that's just shit that's been on my mind. Hey Patty. Do you try the green chilies, bro? I tried them. I frickin', dude, I was there, you're there, you're in Albuquerque for 11 minutes and some guy's coming up. He's fucking got illegal green chilies? He's like, "Bro, these bitches aren't even supposed to be here." It's just like, dude, I've tried the green chilies, I've tried them, and they're great. They're great. And we went to a place called, um... El, can you look it up Trevin? It's by, it's kinda by the airport, I think. El Modelo. Look it up.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Is it that one?

• 29:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro. El Modelo. And it wasn't beer. I thought I'd go in, it was just people swimming in a bunch of like Modelo beer or whatever. Some guy doing the backstroke, you know? "Oh shit, put some drywall on here, I'm drowning." But it was just like the sweetest ladies working in there.

• 29:22Theo Von?

  I mean the best, bro. And it was just good, bro. It just felt like, dang. It felt like when you walked in there, it felt like your grandmother loved you, right when you walked in, homie. Even the gang bangers, they were taking off their face tattoos before they walked in, bro. There was like a lot of respetado.

• 29:44Theo Von?

  For El Modelo.

• 29:47Theo Von?

  But it was, uh... Yeah, I had a good time over there.

• 29:52Theo Von?

  And shout out to, uh... My friend Abby Pavia, she's a great basketball player. And she's got a big heart. And, uh, it was great, it was great to watch her team, uh...

• 30:04Theo Von?

  Her team play. Um... Now let's get into it, dog. Dude, St. Patrick's Day, have you tried the green... Beer?

• 30:16Theo Von?

  Uh... Damn, St. Patrick was a slave, bro. Did we say that Trevin?

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 30:23Theo Von?

  It says right here, let me see.

• 30:27Theo Von?

  "At about age 16, St. Patrick was captured by Irish raiders and taken to Ireland as a slave, where he herded animals for around six years before escaping back to his family." Dang, bro.

• 30:42Theo Von?

  And then he went back to Ireland.

• 30:46Theo Von?

  Said I'mma change the game dude.

• 30:51Theo Von?

  That's wild. Have you tried the Catholicism? That's what he was doing over there. Saint Patrick spent years traveling through parts of Ireland preaching, baptizing, baptizing, bro. Dog, don't stay under too long, homie. You'll be late for work? Founding churches and monasteries and ordaining clergy. Dang, he was out there in the streets pushing something that meant something to him. His own surviving writings are the Confessio.

• 31:23Theo Von?

  Condemning violence against Irish Christians, amen.

• 31:26Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 31:57Theo Von?

  Um, okay, I want to talk about busboys and we got some callers. We had busboys that called in. And, uh, I'mma tap into my, you know, you know what I'm saying? I was a busboy for probably seven years. I busboyed a couple of places, couple of times. I worked with a couple of sisters one time over there. At, uh, the first Mexican restaurant in our area. Um, and these two girls named April and May. Uh, they were the chefs and they were, anytime you came back to get food or whatever, they got furious at you. Cause they was doing some other shit or whatever, smoking or whatever. And, uh, and so, yeah, you'd have to go out to the tables and shit was laid and shit like that and people left or whatever.

• 32:42Theo Von?

  Anyway, they invited me to their house one day to party, asked me to bring some beer. I drank, I brought some beer over there and, uh, and a dog bit me and everybody there drank all my beer and I fucking had to leave early, but, um, what else? I had, I worked at Tucson, Arizona. I was a busboy down there. I was one of the first busboys to use creatine ever in the history of bus, bussing. I was probably, I think I was one of the top seven busboys south of Phoenix.

• 33:15Theo Von?

  Probably

• 33:18Theo Von?

  For a little while. And I say that with my whole, whole chest. I say that shit pure as day. I was out there, boy.

• 33:28Theo Von?

  I was out there. I was on the tables, bread on six, butter on 11. Cleanup on 43. Shit diaper, some kid, they had a shit diaper over there. Some kid, they brought him in there, I don't even think they ate, they just brought the kid in there to shit in his diaper. And somebody, I fucking wrapped a towel around that bitch and sent him out. But I was doing it, bro. I was on the front lines of food use.

• 33:55Theo Von?

  And dishware. Dirty dishware. I was on the front lines of that shit, so I know the trenches, I know what it's like to go back there. And have to look at the dishwasher, and you bring one more tub, and you love that motherfucker, cuz he's in the heat, bro. The steam coming off that fucking hoe, the, the water hose spigot thing, he's blasting, bro. That motherfucker got shit hanging off his eyebrows and shit. He got pieces of fucking damp tortilla hanging out of his eyelashes, and that bitch is still back there blasting them bitches. Getting the platos limpio.

• 34:33Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying, and he don't wanna, and you can't even look him in the eye when you drop off that last bus tub, damn, bro. That's the pain of a real bus boy. Somebody who's got the tables and the trays and the tubs and the plates in their heart.

• 34:49Theo Von?

  When you, when you know, bro, like, I can't bring this to my dog one more time.

• 34:56Theo Von?

  And sometime I tab him out, I say, man, like, we a tag team, bro.

• 35:01Theo Von?

  You know? It's like the world wash, like the world washing federation, bro. The WWF, let me limpio a tub for you daddy, get out there and get you a cigarette. And then sometime he'd have a little pocket of Camerones or something on him, shrimps. And he'd get out there and eat them bitches by himself. Just to rebuild his conscience and stuff so he could get back. I mean, that's a dude, that's a Vietnam right there for some people. So shout out to all the dishwashers too, man. And that last tub, sorry, we brought it in there, bro, we know how it felt.

• 35:35Theo Von?

  But we all had to get the job done.

• 35:39Theo Von?

  So I want to say that, but we had some calls from bussers that have been in the game over the years. People called in. We gotta, we can go to a couple of calls of those. But first, I do want to talk about the, uh, about the movie. I just want to tell you straight up that Bus Boys, the movie will come out on April 17th. So that's when you'll be able to go to see it. But our tickets are gonna go on sale, March 16th. So, um, yeah, I guess like, you know, first of all, I got to do this movie with David Spade. And I say this movie like, trust me, there's a big part of me that's just, I cannot even believe that we did this, right? And we did this ourselves, right? That's what I want to say. You know, I went to Hollywood

• 36:22Theo Von?

  and, uh, and you go pitch TV shows and you do all these, all these meetings, you're always waiting to hear back. You're always in this cycle of bullshit. You know, and it's always somebody that was nothing like me deciding if they thought I had the ability, or the talent, or the capability, or if my voice should be heard. Right? It was always the, you know, it's the same type of people over and over again. Some schmuck who had never fucking done a day, a moment of comedy in his life. Some business fuck, whatever. You know, you go to all these things and, and it's, for me, it was a waste of time. For some people, it's great. It's, it's their stairway to their dreams, or to different opportunities and

• 37:04Theo Von?

  stuff like that. And I had a great time. Like, I met a lot of great people. Um, and I got to develop my stand-up, which was the best thing. Because stand-up was the thing that I liked the most, because nobody could give that to their kid. You know, you go audition for some role and then some, some producer's kid gets it, or somebody's son, or some bull, you know. But stand-up, they can't do that. Stand-up is you. They can, nobody could give that shit. Look, I'm gonna get my son the opportunity. Fuck your son. You know what I'm saying? He's got, you can't, with stand-up, you can't, you gotta get up there and do your job. Now, some people may not like my stand-up, may not think I'm any good at it. That's fine with me. But you have to get up there and do your job. Nobody, it's a fucking, it's

• 37:49Theo Von?

  a thin line.

• 37:54Theo Von?

  And that's one thing I always want, I always wanted my voice. I don't want to do your shit. I don't want to do your fucking, I don't want to go play some role where you have me playing this stupid redneck and it's just like, because you don't even understand that maybe people where I'm from are diverse of thought.

• 38:10Theo Von?

  And are more intricate and aren't just racist fucking people. You know? I wanted more than, I like, I just, I don't know. I thought their system was outdated, to be honest with you. And though they, you know, there's always these, Hollywood, it's accepting everybody, that's, it's not. It's not.

• 38:30Theo Von?

  And I'll say that firsthand.

• 38:33Theo Von?

  So I, I just want you to know where some of my energy was coming from.

• 38:39Theo Von?

  And why eventually I started to do podcasting, because I just wanted to have my own voice. I don't want to read your lines. I don't even believe, I'd have meetings with people and I would tell them about my life or about how I see things. And they would, it wouldn't fit this narrative.

• 38:55Theo Von?

  It would all, you know?

• 38:58Theo Von?

  It wouldn't fit this narrative.

• 39:04Theo Von?

  And so I got tired of fucking waiting for them. And, yeah, and then, so when I got into podcasting, it was a place where we could have our own voice.

• 39:13Theo Von?

  And I think some of this movie just kind of followed suit.

• 39:18Theo Von?

  You know, I became friends with David Spade through Adam Eget, who worked at The Comedy Store and,

• 39:25Theo Von?

  and it was great. You know, I still remember the first time that I went to dinner.

• 39:32Theo Von?

  I'd met David at the comedy club a few times and then we went to dinner one time and he gave me a Joe Dirt hat, dude, and it was the best.

• 39:39Theo Von?

  Because I remember seeing Joe Dirt when I was younger and it was just like, I didn't know it was, I thought it was a documentary. You know, because our TV was fucked up. And so some of the audio was different. And, uh, and I thought it was a documentary about this kid who had gotten left at the Grand Canyon by his parents. And, um, and it gave me just such like an affection for this, for him. You know, just like, uh,

• 40:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, cuz I think I felt like that as a kid anyway. I felt like I got left at the Grand Canyon, even though I was right there, a bedroom over from my mother, you know? Just like, you know, how I felt. It matched with how I felt. But, um, anyway, a lot of that's a lot of emo shit, but... So David and I became friends and, uh,

• 40:28Theo Von?

  and he, he, he's been a great friend. You know, he's got a big heart.

• 40:34Theo Von?

  He's welcomed me into circles. He's taken me with him to like fancy parties where they have fancy silverware and there's fucking, you know, uh, people are stealing shit from the place. Like that's how nice the shit is there. Like I've been to a lot of places where nobody's stealing shit cuz people are like, "Oh, this shit's trash. I already got this shit at home. I ain't stealing more just shit." But I've been to places where they got really nice shit with him. I met Jon Hamm with him. I met Jon Hamm.

• 41:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, just, uh... So anyway, just getting to know him was a blessing and then we started, it was during COVID, we started writing a movie together. And David, even this, I'll say this, he, uh, you know, I ran out of gas one time and he brought me gas.

• 41:27Theo Von?

  And he almost got hit by a damn, um, Kia Sophia. I mean, fucking so close to hitting him and killing him. I don't know if it would've killed him. I don't know. He's not the biggest guy, but he could've challenged it, but I don't, I don't know.

• 41:41Theo Von?

  But he brought that shit out, ran across the interstate and shit, bringing me fucking gas. So, I mean, just nice shit, man. Um...

• 41:54Theo Von?

  And so we started writing this movie because we, um, and, and, and one thing that we found that we had in common was that we both worked as busboys in Arizona. I worked in Arizona under, uh, they had this guy Sam Fox. He's a restaurateur. He's a friend of mine. He had, um, this was his first restaurant and I worked there as a busboy and, uh, David had worked as a busboy over there in Phoenix. And so we had this relationship of bussing in the desert, man, even when there's water shortages and shit like that, bro. Imagine you gotta clean up 20 tables and you ain't got no water, cut. Who are you now?

• 42:33Theo Von?

  Who are you now?

• 42:36Theo Von?

  I was still a busboy.

• 42:39Theo Von?

  So I stayed in that shit, man. I stayed in that shit. That was our Iwo Jima cut. And so that's where I was, man. And so we, we, we, we kind of bonded on that type of shit. And then we started writing this movie. Yeah, and, and, and nobody really wanted to help, you know, and that's fine. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying what it was, right? I wanted to let you know where we were at mentally, what was going on with us in our brains and stuff. Nobody really wanted to help. We couldn't, um, we reached out to some directors that we liked. They didn't want to deal with it. Uh, our agencies didn't really help. You know, there was some emailing back and forth and some light shit, but nothing really like, we're gonna take these guys and we're gonna believe in them. You know, we're gonna really take these guys and do something. There wasn't any of that.

• 43:25Theo Von?

  And I say that that's true. Um, and so we got to a spot where it was like, damn, we gotta make this. Or just go by our ways. And we'd spent a lot of time together and made it and written it so far and all of that. And so we just put up our own money.

• 43:43Theo Von?

  You know, we put up our own money. And, um, and then next thing you know, dude, we were making a real movie. And this is crazy. I didn't think it was real until I showed up that day on set to shoot.

• 43:56Theo Von?

  Cause it had just all been emails. It had been David and I writing and we would go meet at his place and sometimes we would get Jimmy John's and sometimes we wouldn't. Which I didn't understand, but, um, but I would get it on the way home or whatever sometimes, but, um, but yeah, we, you know, we, we made this, but, um, we, we, we, we realized that we had to pay for it, right? We have to fund, we, so we put our money in and, and I didn't realize until the day that we got to set. This set, I call it, look, I'm not locked in on all the terminology and shit, so. I, I call it that. I know it sounds highfalutin or whatever, but until, until we got to the movie site.

• 44:37Theo Von?

  The first day and there was like trailers, there was like a woman with makeup or whatever, hair conditioner or whatever, you know, "Hey Patty, have you tried the green chilies?" "Yes, I have." Um, and, and we, and we were making a movie and it was crazy that other actors were there that we'd look, you know, we did all of this stuff. And so that's what's, that's what we're making, right? That's what we put together and we did it. We created a movie, you know, and we made something and it was crazy because you get to the end and I was like, "Fuck, what did we do, dude?"

• 45:19Theo Von?

  I was so scared and then you go through the editing and you do all this shit and you start to realize, okay, this is how it is. And so that's what's coming out is our movie that we made completely by ourselves that these people said no to, I don't care, fuck them. You said no to me your whole life, cuz, you know what I'm saying? I'm glad you're not on board now. So that's where we're at and I think it's good, man. There's some funny spots in it. It was a huge learning curve. I'm not saying it's the greatest movie. I mean, it's like a $3 million budget or something. And yeah, I learned a ton.

• 46:04Theo Von?

  Like if I could go back and do, there's a lot of things I would probably adjust, like I just learned a lot. I learned a lot, man, about how it would operate, just all these different things. So that was a blessing. Uh, it was the most expensive course of education I've ever learned in my life, but if you go see this movie, I just want you to know that that's what it is, right? It's something that we made, we made it outside of the system. And thank you, David, for, uh, you know, let me do this with you. There's some scenes in there, dude, that David does that are so good. Oh.

• 46:43Theo Von?

  And this kind, man, it's just like Tim Dillon's in it, Nate Diaz, Chris Avila,

• 46:50Theo Von?

  Jay Pharoah, Trevor Wallace, Jimmy Gonzalez, Michelle Ortiz, Lindsey Normington, Tiago Martinez. Have you tried to bring Chili's, Tiago? Steve Little, Sky Bree, Brent Moran. There's a lot. There's a lot. I'm missing a ton of wonderful folks. So, yeah, all I'm saying is that's what this is. This is a movie that we made that is outside of the system. And we want you to go see it to support this type of thing. Because we can do more in the future and we can do it better. And we can help fund movies that other people want to make that the gatekeepers don't see.

• 47:35Theo Von?

  You know? And that's fine. I don't need a gate, you know, I don't even want to go through the gate. I'm coming up through the dirt, son. I'm through the mud, dog. You keep that bitch latched, dog. I'll be in the yard.

• 47:49Theo Von?

  And that's how I've always been. And so that's where I'm at. That's where we're at with this.

• 47:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, so, so thank you if you go to see it. It's not like, um, uh, what's that movie, Dunkirk or whatever. It's not like that. Okay, so don't think it's like that. It's different. It's not like, um, Sarah Marshall. It's not that. Right? This is a movie about two dudes trying to be alive. Trying to become waiters. That's what it's about. With some love stories in there. And, um, some other type shit. But you feel me.

• 48:33Theo Von?

  But it's got that busboy mentality in it. You know? I'll be a waiter or I'll get my shit some other way.

• 48:42Theo Von?

  But we eating.

• 48:45Theo Von?

  Even if I work at the restaurant bitch, we eating. So that's the movie that's gonna be out. I can't believe it. It's kinda scary too, cuz if nobody goes and sees you, you're like, oh shit, alright. But that's okay too, right? I mean, it'll bum me out, but that is okay. You know, uh, I'm proud of like what we've done. I'm proud that we did something. You know, I feel lucky I got to do something with David Spade, man. Like,

• 49:11Theo Von?

  you know, I don't even deserve that kinda stuff. And I don't mean that in a negative way about myself, but, um, yeah. He's just such an immense talent. And to be able to just be around him and spend time and the fact that we ended up down this road together and here we are. Um, it's been a blessing.

• 49:31Theo Von?

  And yeah, I can't even, but like, it's weird to say like, yeah, I'm in a movie. I mean, anybody could be in a movie. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Kim Kardashian was in a short one with some cock in it. So anybody could be in a film. But, um,

• 49:46Theo Von?

  but yeah, that we made this and that our friends showed up to help us make this, man. You know, uh, yeah, and just the actress and actresses in it. But I think, I know there's some funny parts in it. I know you'll laugh. I'm curious. I think I'm just super curious, like, what is okay to do in a movie? What is, you know, what could we do differently? I mean, dude, we got, the first day we started shooting, got moved by a week at the last minute. Like, two days before, we got moved by a week because of the fires that were out in California. Um, that were like a year and a half ago or whatever. Uh, well, whenever the, uh, Pasadena fires and the, um, Palisades fires.

• 50:29Theo Von?

  So that was cra- I mean, just, there was so many things that were, like, is this gonna happen? But it happened. And um, yeah. So yeah, there's some, yeah, like, there's just, it's just like, I hope you'll find some joy in it. It's a fun, it's lighthearted, it's goofy, it's dumb, it's fun. Uh, and yeah, it's a dream come true to be able to do it. And I promise you that if this one goes well, we will find other things to make. If I'm not, if I don't do good and it's, I'm not the one to be in the other things, that's fine. But we'll create other projects that are funny, that people wanna see.

• 51:12Theo Von?

  You know, because that's really what needs to happen, you know, at least to respect other people's point of view of comedy. You know? You know, and to just to care, like, just, you know, I don't even, I don't even know if I mean voices that aren't out there, but it's just like,

• 51:29Theo Von?

  you know? There's shit that's different.

• 51:34Theo Von?

  And, yeah, I just, I promise that we'll make other cool stuff. Whether we're in it or not. But we'll write it or we'll do something, you know, um.

• 51:46Theo Von?

  So yeah, that's where I'm at. You know, so let's get this thing out there, bro. But just one more time, tickets uh, will be on sale uh, Monday, March 16th. You can buy them at busboysmovie.com. So you'll be able to get those, busboysmovie.com. If they don't have it in your area, that's okay. It'll notice what area has been looked up. And then as soon as these first, um, I think 100 theaters fill up or something. If we can sell those, then it's gonna let us sell more. So it's an experiment, you know, it's an experiment. And um, I appreciate you guys' patience.

• 52:26Theo Von?

  It's, I've spent so many hours editing, going through, watching, you know, there's so many choices that you're a part of and uh, in this, and I learned a ton and um, yeah. And just, yeah, thank you so much. I can't even believe it. It's just crazy to even get to do it. Whether people hate it or love it, I don't give a shit what the critics think. Fuck them. The critics don't know shit. You know? The critics don't know shit. Remember that. The critics don't know shit. The critic is some schmuck who's sitting over there who never did shit. That's the critic.

• 53:01Theo Von?

  That's the critic.

• 53:03Theo Von?

  Some guy with a pen and a fucking, uh, he probably didn't even have a dip in. He probably didn't even have a zen in his cheek to fuck him. The critic don't know shit.

• 53:16Theo Von?

  I hope the critics hate this shit.

• 53:19Theo Von?

  Fuck them. Look, I'm a critic now. Hey, critics.

• 53:24Theo Von?

  Y'all fucking suck. There, boom, I just did your whole job in fucking four seconds, bitch.

• 53:31Theo Von?

  Um, alright, now, let's get to some calls from some busboys. Uh, some players that been in the game, boy, you know what I'm talking about? Let's go, bro. And look, I want other busboys to call in. Some of these are good, and so I want some other busboys to call in too and hit the hotline. I like to throw these in from time to time, just to respect the culture and keep it going. The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503. Or you can go to the website, uh, theovon.com. There's a place you can leave, send a video on there as well. If you want to send a video version of you, and we can put that in the show. Um, so those are the two ways where you can get in touch and communicate. As well, if something's going on in your life, and it's big or small.

• 54:13Theo Von?

  Uh, or if you just want to say something, or if you're scared about something, you want to get it off your chest. Um, if there's something that you feel like, um, me bringing up on here could be of help or service. I'm gonna try to do a better job of doing more solo episodes. It's been hard for me. Uh, for some reason, this, this, uh, doing solos, it takes a lot of stress. It creates a lot of stress in me. I don't know what it is. It could just be what's going on right now, and, um, just the busyness of life. I don't know. Uh, it used to be a little easier for me, you know? Have you tried to be serious? But it's just gotten tougher over the years, and so, uh, but maybe that will change, but, yeah, I do want to be able to continue to have, um, just more of a personal relationship, and maybe that's something that I need to pray about.

• 54:58Theo Von?

  Uh, and can pray about, so.

• 55:03Theo Von?

  Anyway, love you guys, the hotline 985-664-9503. Uh, let's get to some calls.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Hey Theo, this is Jacob from Cincinnati area.

• 55:13Theo Von?

  What's up Jacob? Nice to hear from you. Uh, sorry you guys just lost Trey Hendricks in there, I saw that. Um, but blessings onward, baby.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  Um, I saw your interesting story talking about busboy, so I used to be a busboy back in, uh, high school.

• 55:30Theo Von?

  Thank you for your service, brother.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  My sophomore and my junior year at a pretty high-end restaurant and, um, I think the craziest thing that happened to me there, well, I saw some tits once, but that's not, I mean...

• 55:43Theo Von?

  That's normal shit, bruh. That's street shit. You could see a tit anywhere, bruh. Close your eyes, open them bitches. Might see one onward.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  I don't know, man. I'm more of a butt guy myself, but...

• 55:57Theo Von?

  Bruh, a butt is just a big tits on the back, bro, with no nipples, with no milk in them. That's all a butt is. Let's hear it.

• 56:03Speaker 03

  I, uh, this one day I was working and I agree at this table and this lady was mad. She said, "Can I have a lobster bisque?" I said, "Yeah, let me grab my waitress real quick." And she started ripping my ass. She's like, "You don't need to go tell her this and tell her that. Just go get me the lobster bisque." And I was like, "Alright." Well,

• 56:24Speaker 03

  you know, some time goes by and she gets up to go to the restroom, so I go over there to check on the, on the brother. And he says, "Um, hey, man, how old are you?"

• 56:37Speaker 03

  I said, "I'm sixteen, sir." He's like, "Oh, never mind." I said, "Well, why do you ask?" He said, "Oh, my, uh, my wife loves redheads." I forgot to mention that, I'm a Jew. But, um, I'm assuming that he wanted me to have sex with his wife in front of him.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  And uh, you know, I don't think I would have done it. Uh, maybe for the right price and shit, but yeah. Anyways, Theo, I love you, man.

• 57:02Theo Von?

  Love you too, brother. Praise God. And then you almost got um, you almost got a sex trafficked or whatever there by an urban couple and you know, that's the kind of shit uh that's happening, bro. When you at high end shit, anything could happen, bro. You might get sex trafficked or whatever. When you at a low end place where if you had a, you know, if you working at a subway or something like that, or more of like a lower tier fast, you know, you lucky, you lucky if somebody tries to touch your ass or whatever or something. Or somebody tries to fucking put their hand in your pants real fast and pull it out and get a quick sniff of your dick, boy. But if you at a high end place, you might actually get trafficked, you know? Not some fucking hand sniffing dick monkey over there trying to rub on you or whatever.

• 57:47Theo Von?

  But what I'm saying is this, dude, uh, yeah, they wanted that ginger, boy. They wanted that fucking little firework. You feel me? They wanted that fucking spicy candle. But that's okay, bro. That's the kind of shit, when you work high end shit, you at least get job opportunities, bro. I always tell my friends, if you working in a high end place, you might get a job opportunity, bro. Hey, bro, thanks for your service, bro, type shit. We out, boy, BLM, dude. GLM too, kinda.

• 58:22Theo Von?

  Uh. Alright, let's hear this.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  Hey, what's up, Theo? Love from New Jersey. This is Charlie. Uh, I was a busboy at my brother's steakhouse and uh, the best part about being a busboy is you can be fed. You got a lot of food in the back there, so you can snag on the food. And um, you know, being a busboy might not be the best job, but be the best busboy you can be.

• 58:50Theo Von?

  Bro, what are you fucking Richard Nixon or something dude? We're just trying to fricking clean up the tables twin. You feel me dog, but I got you. But I don't, you don't always get food in the bag dude. I worked at this one place and they would, they would have soup, but we could only eat it when it was really hot, bro. If the shit got too kinda cooled off, the dude wouldn't let us eat it. So he like watching kids eat that hot soup or whatever. That guy was a per, uh, maybe a pedophile or whatever, but, but we didn't know him that good. We was employees, you know? Um, but yeah. But yeah, I feel you. Do you worked at your brother's steakhouse and you got fed, bro? It sounded like you was just over there hanging out, boy. That's fucking gentrification, bro. Alright, let's take another call here.

• 59:33Speaker 04

  Hey Theo, uh, this is Ryan. So I used to bus tables at this seafood place. And there's this old guy who came in all the time. We're talking in late seventies, quiet. Always sat at the same two top by the window. Every single visit, he ordered the same thing. A dozen raw oysters and iced tea. Now, if you've ever been a bus boy, you know the rule nobody says out loud, you know? If a table leaves and there's food that looks untouched, you know, it's fair game.

• 1:00:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, you can have a little.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  So the guy finishes up, pays, leaves and goes over and, you know, I, I go over to clear, clear the table. And there's still a couple oysters there, still sitting on the shelves and they look perfect.

• 1:00:17Theo Von?

  Oh, bro, them bitches don't look perfect, bro. Going near somebody else's oysters dude, that's crazy, bro. Let's hear it.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  Lemon wedge, cocktail sauce, the whole setup. Honestly, it looked like he barely touched them.

• 1:00:32Theo Von?

  Oh, bro. Dog, I don't care if somebody even just a little bit touched an oyster, bro. I ain't even showing up at that thing. Now a scallop, bro. A scallop is just a fucking big gay oyster, bro. It's just basically like a bear in the gay community or whatever. But amongst shellfish. Let's hear more. Scallops, they suck.

• 1:00:52Speaker 04

  And I'm hungry. I've been running around for like six hours. So I look around the dining room real quick. Nobody's paying attention. I grab one of the oysters, hit it with a little lemon and just slurp it right down there while I'm clearing the plates.

• 1:01:05Speaker 05

  Couple minutes later, I'm back in the kitchen and one of the servers goes, hey, did you clear that old guy's oyster's table? I'm like, yeah. And she goes, did he do his weird thing again? Now, I'm already nervous and I'm like, what weird thing? And she goes, oh, he doesn't actually eat them. He just sucks on them for the flavor and spits them back in the shell. Man, when I tell you the entire kitchen turned and looked me, because by that point, the oyster was long gone. The dishwasher just starts laughing and goes, bro, you ate a secondhand oyster. And the whole, the worst part about it was just everybody knew this guy did that. Like, it was just a known thing about him. Nobody told the new bus, no, but nobody told me this. So that's the day I learned important restaurant rules.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  Uh, if a food's still sitting on a customer's plate, there's, there's probably a reason.

• 1:01:53Theo Von?

  Bruh, don't, you can't be eating nobody's oyster like that, bruh. Damn, bruh. I can't even imagine that. Oh, it makes my fucking lungs hurt right now hearing you say that, you bastard. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you do that?

• 1:02:18Theo Von?

  I just, I, I, I, I just don't understand why you would do that. God.

• 1:02:29Theo Von?

  I, oh, oh. Bro, that's bad, dog. My buddy used to be like that, boy, my boy Josh, we used to work over there at Morton's Seafood over there. On the Jafunk, the river down there in Louisiana, Mattersville. And, uh, we were busboys back then and shit and we was always like, uh, trying to finish off a little bit of food or that. And sometimes the shrimps, I didn't notice, the shrimps, if they eat, if somebody eats a peeled shrimp, sometimes a, a little bit gets head, gets kinda kept down by the tail over there. And he would peel off that last little outside part and just get that last bit of snack off that thing, boy. He was like that, though. He was like that, bro.

• 1:03:13Theo Von?

  He was a real, he got his GED. Um, let's hear another call on it.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  Yo, Theo, this is Jackson. I got a crazy story, story for you. I was a busboy at a, at a. I mean, the worst Denny's you could possibly imagine.

• 1:03:30Theo Von?

  Oh, which one was it? Every single one? Let's hear more.

• 1:03:34Speaker 04

  I'm talking like just people throwing stuff everywhere. It was a mess.

• 1:03:41Theo Von?

  We know who you're talking about when you say people as well, but let's hear more.

• 1:03:44Speaker 04

  But there's one time. Whole group of people, fifteen people came in. They seemed nice. They seemed real nice. Apparently it was a graduation. And one of the boys just graduated and the rest of the guys are very happy. They decided that they were gonna order the all you can eat pancakes. Just one of them. And I had to explain to fifteen seventeen year olds. You can't buy just one all you can eat pancakes. You gotta buy fifteen all you can eat pancakes. Let's just say they beat my ass and I had to give them all you can eat pancakes.

• 1:04:22Theo Von?

  I don't even believe that story. They beat your ass? At a Denny's? But first of all, that might be true. Nobody would even notice, but you just gave them all you can eat pancakes? I don't even believe that. Um, thank you for the call. Do you believe that, Trevin?

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  I mean, shit happens at Denny's, bro.

• 1:04:38Theo Von?

  They beat his ass and then he's continued to work for the day?

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Tears in his eyes.

• 1:04:44Theo Von?

  I don't know. I appreciate the call, Jackson. I just do not believe it. Is it wrong for me to say that, Trevin?

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  No, I mean, it's a fair assumption.

• 1:04:53Theo Von?

  Okay, and I'm sorry you got hurt if you did get hurt. But. I don't think you did. Alright.

• 1:05:04Speaker 06

  Theo, my brother, I used to be a busboy slash kinda barback for this steakhouse in Nashville. And I worked there for like, I don't know, a year and a half and basically I would just kinda pick up dishes from the table sometimes and you know, cut fruit for the bartender and stuff, but I would, you know, I would clock in at like three thirty in the afternoon and I would leave at like ten thirty at night and I maybe worked. I mean, I maybe did two hours of work while I was there. And so after about a year and a half of working there, the manager pulls me into the office one day. And he goes, hey, man, uh. We're gonna eliminate your position. Uh, we don't really think that we need a barback and.

• 1:05:49Speaker 06

  I said you don't. I wasn't even mad. I was like, yeah, I was like, I've been working here for a year and a half and I don't really know what I do to be totally honest with you. And I've always imagined that that's what it would be like to work for the federal government. So, yeah, that was my experience.

• 1:06:05Theo Von?

  Amen, man. That's from a guy Ethan Anderson. Uh, thank you, bro. Yeah, that's, dude, I agree. I mean, they just voted to let pet like perverts keep spending money out of a slush fund or whatever the government. Our government has sold us up the river, brother. So, I'm just glad that you had a job even for a little bit. That'll be it. One day we'll be in a museum, even if you had a job just for a week or something and be like, oh, tell us about what it was like. There'll be three people left. Um, that's great, man. That's great stuff, bro. I said, you, you don't. Um, alright, let's see what else we got here. There's a great one too that I'm gonna, I'm gonna play after this.

• 1:06:47Speaker 05

  I, uh, I've been a busboy on and off for a while currently on.

• 1:06:52Theo Von?

  Type shit, big dog. Stay in the game, bro. Stay in the fricking game, dude. Just wear knee braces or whatever if things are getting bad. Stay in the game.

• 1:07:03Speaker 05

  Well, the wildest story I had was probably I was working at PF Chang's and, uh, I found someone's panties under the, uh, table. And I had to, uh, get to the back of the kitchen. But, you know.

• 1:07:17Theo Von?

  You had to give them to the back of the kitchen for what, huh? What did they want them? Some, some perv back there huffing on them bitches, boy?

• 1:07:31Theo Von?

  Been there, daddy. We've all been there, huh?

• 1:07:35Theo Von?

  To be young. Um, hey, Penny! Have you tried the green chili? Uh, alright, let's get one more here. Yeah, dude, the things you'd find under the table, bro. I found a molar under one table one time.

• 1:07:53Theo Von?

  We had a dude left his ashes, buddy's ashes or whatever from a thing, a few, uh, fire, death burning thing or whatever, funerals.

• 1:08:06Theo Von?

  Trying to think, yeah panties or whatever, bro.

• 1:08:11Theo Von?

  And if that's at PF Chang's you was at, that shit's popping though. PF Chang's was nice though. At a certain time, bro, that shit was nice.

• 1:08:20Theo Von?

  Alright, let's get one more here.

• 1:08:24Theo Von?

  I love this one. I think we'll probably finish on this one for now. We'll see. And we might do some more next week, next time we do a solo. I like this. I like kinda seeing what kinda people were doing what. Busboys, tell me about it. Busgirls, who was out there. Now, we didn't have a lot of busgirls, bro. The busboys had to try to flirt with the hostesses, but we were kinda too low class for them, so really the waiters got the hostesses really to date them. So busboys was always out. That was the thing about being busboys, you were always on your own, bro. You were always this outsider group. You weren't really the kitchen. They didn't respect you to cook. They respected you to carry the food from the cook to the table. That was it. They respected you to have the food for about seven or eight seconds. That's as much respect

• 1:09:07Theo Von?

  as they gave you when you was a busboy. They didn't respect you to cook it. They didn't respect none of that shit. They didn't respect you. They said for seven seconds you could carry this over there. That's how amount of respect they had for you. Homeward. Here's a call right here. It's from Jason V.

• 1:09:25Speaker 07

  Hi Theo. I used to be a busboy at a couple different restaurants. The first restaurant was the Burger Bar in Stockbridge, Michigan. It was owned by my Uncle Danny, who was a Vietnam War veteran. He loved Asian women. He used to tell me growing up all the time, he's like, "Get you an Oriental woman, Jason. They cook, they clean, they don't talk back." He owned the Burger Bar and I worked with him and the manager of the Burger Bar was my mom. So I worked with my mom. Uncle Danny was the owner and my mom was the manager. And my mom had a relationship with her first cousin Steve. That was the son of my Uncle Danny.

• 1:10:08Speaker 07

  And Steve was in the Outlaws Motorcycle Club. His road name was... Pushrod and I eventually got out of that environment and I grew up and I got my own car and I became a busboy at the ground round in Jackson, Michigan.

• 1:10:23Theo Von?

  Round, round.

• 1:10:24Speaker 07

  I worked a few days a week there and I worked on kids night, which was Tuesday night and they used to have this clown come in. And this clown was named Plinko. Plinko was in his fucking late forties or fifties or some shit. And he was named after that Price is Right game because he and his mom were like really close and she fucking died of cancer or some shit. And he just called himself Plinko, the clown. Plinko didn't have a driver's license. I don't know if Plinko was ever legal to drive in the state of Michigan and I used to have to pick him up for work. My boss would give me like an extra twenty dollars.

• 1:11:03Speaker 07

  If I would pick up Plinko and I formed a relationship with him, he would buy me booze all the fucking time. He would let me smoke cigarettes. And I would pick him up and he put his clown makeup on as we were driving to the ground round. And he would, basically, I don't think they, I don't think the ground round paid Plinko. I think they paid him in fucking alcohol because he would just get fucking hammered and he would make these kids like these fucked up balloon animals like not even balloon animals, like balloon items, like he had like a fucking hatchet he would make and like a balloon, machine gun, and he would just be sitting in the back as I was busting tables and he would be drinking and he would be like, I fucking

• 1:11:43Speaker 07

  hate kids. And I gave Plinko a ride home and after I quit the ground round, Plinko actually hooked me up with this dude that he was friends with and his name was Detroit Rick.

• 1:11:55Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:11:55Speaker 07

  And we used to sell cable to scramblers out of the back of Detroit Rick.

• 1:12:00Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, cable to scramblers, dude. That shit was hype. Big industry onward.

• 1:12:05Speaker 07

  X van. It was like a cash only thing. I made a lot of money. Then after that, I joined the Army National Guard and I became a recruiter for the National Guard. I hope this information helps. Thank you for your service.

• 1:12:19Theo Von?

  Thank you for your service, Jason V. That's, dude, that is, thank you, bro. Thank you.

• 1:12:27Theo Von?

  I was losing hope in humanity and in myself and you just restored it with a good story. I appreciate that. Sometimes that's all we need, you know? Yeah, thank you, bro. That is, thank you for your service, Jason V and for your service as an Army National Guardsman. Um, that's it. That's it for today. Happy St. Patrick's Day, you know? Try the green chilies. Try them on St. Patty's. Hey, try them for St. Patty's. Put them in your St. Patty's food. That's a green additive. Um, what else? That's about it, you know?

• 1:13:11Theo Von?

  Hang in there. We'll keep our heads up. We keep doing our best. We live to fight another day. Um,

• 1:13:21Theo Von?

  busboysmovie.com. That's where you can go get a ticket if you like. Busboysmovie.com. Um, yeah. Anyway, God bless you guys. Uh, be good to yourselves. Um, because you deserve it. You know, you do. We have to be good to ourselves and, uh, and one day at a time, you know? One day at a time, whatever's going on. If something's tough in your life, you don't have to, you don't, don't think I have to deal with this my whole life, or I can't do this my whole life, or I can't do this, or this. Just, all you, all you, just, can I do this today?

• 1:13:59Theo Von?

  That's been helping me recently. Uh, can I do this today? Can I get through this today? Um,

• 1:14:08Theo Von?

  but yeah, uh, thank you guys for paying attention and, um, I appreciate the support and, um, gang, gang. Have you tried the green chilies?

• 1:14:20Speaker 05

  Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take.

• 1:14:47Speaker 00

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