My Husband Won’t Treat His Erectile Dysfunction (I’m Pissed)

On today’s episode, we hear about: · A woman frustrated that her husband won’t take ED medication · A husband wondering how to best handle his wife’s emotions · A man carrying resentment after being forced to play youth sports Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  My husband and I are 65 years old and married for 44 years. He has never had a great libido and he has a long history of turning me down when I initiated sex.

• 0:15Dr. John Delony?

  Let's back, let's back out of sex for a second. Let's back out of sex, okay?

• 0:18Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 0:19Dr. John Delony?

  When's the last time you guys laughed so hard together you thought you were gonna pee your pants?

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yo, yo, yo, this is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls from all over planet Earth. Real people going through real challenges. Their marriages, their mental and emotional health, trying to figure out what's going on in culture today. What's trying to figure out what's going on in their kids' schools, but every got going on in your life. My promise is I'll sit here with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. If you want to be on the show, reach out at johndeloney.com/ask and fill out the form and it will go to Kelly and she'll, uh, holler back or let you and we'll see if we can get you on the show. johndeloney.com/ask. I was going to Dallas, Texas and talked to Marie. What's up, Marie?

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Uh, well, it's rainy and thundering here, but it's going okay. What's up with you?

• 1:14Dr. John Delony?

  Water's not supposed to fall from the sky in Texas.

• 1:18Speaker 00

  Oh, we're, you know, we're so thankful for it.

• 1:22Dr. John Delony?

  I was in Nashville, the first year I lived here, um, after living all of my life in Texas, I heard somebody say, um, it was raining, you know, it was a couple of days in a row and somebody said, "Man, I wish it would stop raining." And I whipped my head around and I realized that's a sentence I don't think I'd ever heard. I'd never heard that sentence, "I wish it would stop raining." So, that's fantastic. Well, congratulations on the rain. Hope it, hope it works out for you guys. What's up?

• 1:44Speaker 00

  Um, so I wrote down kind of a, um, a background and then to my question. So I'll just go ahead and read this.

• 1:50Dr. John Delony?

  Sure, you got it.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Okay. My husband and I are 65 years old and married for 44 years. He has never had a great libido and he has a long history of turning me down when I initiated sex. I have learned not to ask him because it, um, usually results in hurt. He's occupied with something else or is not in the mood. Then I decided to just tell him I need his attention. Sometimes, um, I would come right out and ask him, "I need servicing." Still, sex remained a low priority for him. Over the past two years, he has had a heart attack and stents put in. He takes cardiac medication. We set a goal of three times per week and we did well

• 2:36Speaker 00

  for a while, but then erectile dysfunction hit. So now he doesn't experience pleasure at all. He said the cardiologist PA told him it's just the way it is and he can't take ED medications due to the cardiac medications. Recently, I became angry and told him I was gonna call the cardiologist doctor and they asked that she reconsider the medications and assist with the ED. I'm at that point again of giving up. He has increased attentiveness, but no physical touch. I am like, I feel like I'm dying inside, invisible, not worthy

• 3:16Speaker 00

  of anything. I'm angry. He irritates me. I don't like him right now. We have limited time here. We're on the short end of the runway. I just cannot accept that we're here again.

• 3:28Dr. John Delony?

  If we were just sitting there in Dallas over some fajitas, I would get up and walk around the table and give you a hug. I'm sorry.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Oh, thank you.

• 3:42Dr. John Delony?

  I'm sorry.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 3:46Dr. John Delony?

  Sometimes ED and erectile dysfunction, all that, I mean, you know this well as I do. That's a hard conversation for anybody. It's embarrassing. It's all those things. And having been to an OB-GYN appointment every year for your entire life, plus, plus or minus, you don't really care. And I get that. This isn't about that. Like, you've been lonely for a long, long time, haven't you?

• 4:16Speaker 00

  The entire relationship.

• 4:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, the entire relationship.

• 4:22Dr. John Delony?

  Sex is the light on the dashboard here.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  Right.

• 4:25Dr. John Delony?

  It's not the engine problem.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Right. It's the one connection that is between us and our faith. But, yeah.

• 4:37Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, but I want to challenge you on the faith thing. I think the faith thing has been, um, let me put it this way. Again, every faith is different. You can read it however you want to, but, but he left your marriage decades ago.

• 4:56Dr. John Delony?

  Decades ago.

• 5:00Dr. John Delony?

  I tend to have a broader view of the word infidelity.

• 5:04Dr. John Delony?

  And I know some people really narrow it down, especially in particular faith traditions about, it is simply about intercourse with another human being. Fine, however you want to describe it. I've just sat with people for years and years and years who hide behind that nonsense. And they leave their wives on a golf course. Or they leave their husband for business after business after business after business. And, or they leave their partner for, fill in the blank. Or they just sit in the recliner scrolling whatever news channel or TV channel, falling half asleep in and out of whatever life they think they're having. And, um,

• 5:42Dr. John Delony?

  and so, I mean, then faith becomes this thing like to hide behind without having to deal with the true issue, which is, oh, you left me, you're just still sitting in the recliner.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:53Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm not, I don't, I don't want to, that's just the way I read it, right? And so, all that to say is, um, I'm sorry. Cause now you're getting to the point where you're 65 and you hear the clock ticking a little louder and you're starting to look back and consider, have you wasted time? Like the most precious thing you've got, right?

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Right, I've always thought that. And the only way I've been able to stay in the relationship is by having faith, you know, just thinking, okay, you know, I'll refocus on, um, my ministries and, and God and refocus there. It gets me through.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  But it, you know, it's not fulfilling as a, as a human being.

• 6:39Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  On that side.

• 6:42Dr. John Delony?

  So it sounds almost like you've used your faith as kind of like a Xanax to distract yourself, not as a way through this challenge to have hard conversations and deal with the reality, but it's been a way to kind of, um, wallpaper over the problem.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 6:57Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 6:58Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 7:03Dr. John Delony?

  So what are you gonna do? You sound pretty resolved.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, I'm definitely not gonna leave. Like, like I said, I'm sixty-five, I'm on the end of the runway, so is he. Um, so I go back to, okay, well, I just can't accept this. Um, maybe I will, you know, with him on the line, call the cardiologist and say, fix this.

• 7:31Dr. John Delony?

  Let's, let's back, let's back out of sex for a second, let's back out of sex, okay?

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 7:38Dr. John Delony?

  How does he handle y'alls money?

• 7:42Speaker 00

  Um, so we're, we're retired right now.

• 7:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  And, uh, so, you know, we watch the stocks a little.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  When we absolutely have to, um, but we stay, you know, pretty frugal. Um, you know, we've treated ourselves to things. He never goes overboard.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  He, yeah, yeah, money, money is okay, money is okay. You know, we're surviving and we hope that, you know, we'll get to the other end with some money to get through life.

• 8:29Dr. John Delony?

  When's the last time you guys laughed so hard together, you thought you were gonna pee your pants?

• 8:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:36Dr. John Delony?

  When is that?

• 8:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:37Dr. John Delony?

  When's the last time you and him got to laughing so hard? He made you laugh and you thought you were gonna pee your pants?

• 8:45Speaker 00

  Um.

• 8:48Speaker 00

  He said something last week, I don't even remember what it was, and, and I responded and...

• 8:56Speaker 00

  And yeah, we just, you know, I started laughing. Usually when I laugh, um, or if I think something is funny, he doesn't. But that time we both did. And yeah, I just thought I was gonna, well, I might have leaked a little.

• 9:09Dr. John Delony?

  Good, good.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  Cause I am over the hill a little bit.

• 9:12Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, quit it. You keep talking about how old you are. Quit it. Kelly is way older than you. Way older than you. She's not, but.

• 9:19Speaker 00

  No, she isn't.

• 9:21Dr. John Delony?

  No, she's not. Um, here's, here's the, here's, here's the reality, okay? And I want you to be careful of a couple of things. The first thing is, I don't want you to back yourself into a corner and then brick yourself into that corner. Cause I hear two competing, um, uh, two competing like stakes in the ground. I will not live like this, period. And I will not leave this marriage, period.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 9:55Dr. John Delony?

  And now you've given yourself an either or that can't ever solve itself. And that leaves you burned out, exhausted and tired. Cause you keep trying to, you're like trying to do a seesaw by yourself. You're gonna make yourself bunkers.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Absolutely. Absolutely. I just feel empty. I feel like I'm dissolving.

• 10:16Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 10:17Speaker 00

  Um, some kind of human, some kind of a human touch. Um, some kind of an affirmation, uh, attention. You know, I never got that when I was growing up and now it's replicated in my entire, of course I picked what the problem was when I got married, right?

• 10:36Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  And, um.

• 10:38Dr. John Delony?

  But you have to, but you, but let's, let's don't go all the way back there. Let's look at the, what we have right in front of us. You've spent 40 years with somebody, is that right?

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Forty-four, uh-huh.

• 10:49Dr. John Delony?

  And you have said, "I have a deep pain of just wanting someone to touch me and make me feel safe and to make me feel desired." And he has looked at you and said, "I'm not doing that. No."

• 11:10Dr. John Delony?

  Period, end of story.

• 11:14Dr. John Delony?

  And I can't think of a more heartbreaking reality to find myself in at the age of 65 years old.

• 11:22Dr. John Delony?

  Because it's not like you said, "Hey, I want you to quit being a policeman where you feel called and go be in business so that we can make more money so I can get me a lake house." Right? Or, "I can't believe you've never bought me a new Tahoe."

• 11:39Dr. John Delony?

  This is simply, "Will you sit by me on the couch?

• 11:45Dr. John Delony?

  And hold my hand and put your arm around me?"

• 11:48Dr. John Delony?

  And he looked at you and said, "No, I won't, actually."

• 11:55Dr. John Delony?

  And reduced you to oil change language. "Will you service me?"

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Right.

• 12:02Dr. John Delony?

  Right? It's dehumanizing.

• 12:05Dr. John Delony?

  And then you have spent 65 years wondering what's wrong with you.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 12:12Dr. John Delony?

  And I wouldn't wish that thought on my worst enemy.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  So sometimes I just, you know, go and sit down by him and, um,

• 12:24Speaker 00

  and, I mean, you know, skin to skin and just sitting together and,

• 12:31Speaker 00

  um, you know, he puts his arm around me, but, um, you know, TV is there and

• 12:39Speaker 00

  I'm still invisible.

• 12:41Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  I'm there, but I'm invisible.

• 12:45Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So here's the, here's the, the action steps you have in front of you, okay?

• 12:51Dr. John Delony?

  Like, this pain is deep and I want you to go talk to somebody. Okay? Because I'm also hearing you wrestling with existential questions. How have I used my time? Has my life been good?

• 13:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:06Dr. John Delony?

  I got one shot at this thing. Have I, have I, I've done a lot of hard stuff. I've also had some joy in there too. Like you're asking yourself those big, deep existential questions and I want you to go sit with somebody, whether it's a pastor that you trust, please tell me it's somebody that's trained, knows what they're doing. Or go see a counselor, or get a group of women your age.

• 13:28Dr. John Delony?

  And begin to have these conversations out loud. Okay? That's number one.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Okay, okay.

• 13:33Dr. John Delony?

  Number two, I want you to put front and center the reality that you find yourself. And I love this because you're trafficking in reality. Your emotions are all over the place. They're scattered across 65 years of your life. But your frontal, your brain, your prefrontal cortex is present in the moment. The clock is ticking. I'm 65 years old.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 13:55Dr. John Delony?

  And I want you to be specific.

• 14:00Dr. John Delony?

  Not about feelings, but about what do you want to do? Who do you want to be?

• 14:09Dr. John Delony?

  My fear is you've been chasing a feeling of being loved for a long time. And if I were to sit down with your husband, he would look at me and say, I put food on the table. I worked myself to death. I've had a heart attack.

• 14:25Dr. John Delony?

  I just grew up a certain way, so I don't even know how to like love her. And you see how you just end up, you said it best, you end up marrying your childhood, right? But you get in this dance.

• 14:36Dr. John Delony?

  And I want you to be very specific about some things you want to do. You've been, I love how clear you are. We will have sex three times a week. On the calendar. Hey, that's not, I mean, that's like, that's, that's the way it's gotta go sometimes. Awesome. Good on you. There is millions of 25-year-old married couples that are like, three times a week? Oh my gosh, how do we play video games? And you're like, I'm getting mine three times a week, right? Good for you. Um, but here's the thing. I want you to put on paper.

• 15:07Dr. John Delony?

  No, you know what? Back out of that. Write your 90-year-old self a letter.

• 15:14Dr. John Delony?

  And say at 65, we started doing things.

• 15:19Dr. John Delony?

  I'm so glad I did. Here's what we did. Because I want you to also traffic in the reality that for 44 years, he's looked at you and said, "I don't care how you want to be loved. I'm not gonna do that."

• 15:31Dr. John Delony?

  And I don't see that changing.

• 15:34Dr. John Delony?

  And I also see you saying, "Underneath it all, I'm comfortable here. I love him. I'm safe. It's part of my faith tradition. All those things are well and good. And this is my life, and so I'm not leaving it."

• 15:50Dr. John Delony?

  So it might be that you get with some girlfriends and start saying, "Okay, we're going out. I'm gonna learn how to dance.

• 15:58Dr. John Delony?

  I got so many years till my hips quit working. I'm gonna go dance.

• 16:03Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna start getting a pedicure once a month, and I'm gonna work a little side job so I can pay for it.

• 16:09Dr. John Delony?

  I am gonna start going to a concert once a month." Like, you get what I'm saying? I'm gonna start going to the middle school theater productions that are terrible, but still great at the same time, and I'm gonna volunteer. I'm gonna start living my life, and I'm gonna stop coming home to the same couch that I've been coming home to for 44 years, hoping that something will be different there.

• 16:29Speaker 00

  Right.

• 16:30Dr. John Delony?

  Here's the reality. You're not gonna feel like doing a lot of this stuff.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:36Dr. John Delony?

  It's gonna be a commitment to yourself. I'm gonna keep the promises to myself. "I will go once a week to have coffee with my girlfriends, and we're gonna be ridiculous." And in fact, I'm gonna send you a whole bunch of questions for Humans decks, okay? That you can start with your girlfriends.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Oh, I would love that. Thank you.

• 16:53Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna send you the friends ones. I'm gonna send you the couples ones. Y'all can get the spicy ones, and even intimacy ones. Y'all can bring them home to your husbands and just be all gross.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. So I ordered the intimacy one.

• 17:03Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  I'm looking for it in the mail now.

• 17:05Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, cool. Well, I'll send you some other ones for free. And, but I want you to go begin to have friendships. Because here's the deal. You are worth being loved. You're all worth laughing with. You're worth holding hands with. You're worth hugging. It just happens that the people in your life for the first 65 years have said, "We're not gonna do that."

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:27Dr. John Delony?

  And if you want to take your faith and walk through these challenges, not use your faith as a shield from dealing with stuff, I would recommend doing that. It'll be painful and it'll be scary and it'll be very, very hard.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:44Dr. John Delony?

  But right now, your life is painful and scary and hard, isn't it?

• 17:47Speaker 00

  Oh, my goodness.

• 17:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, so it's a matter of choosing your heart.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  I can't believe I'm here. Yeah.

• 17:51Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 17:54Dr. John Delony?

  Cool?

• 17:55Speaker 00

  Very cool. Thank you so much. I appreciate your input.

• 17:59Dr. John Delony?

  Maria, you call me any, anytime. And if he wants to call me too, great. Uh, yes, I think y'all should call the doctor. I think y'all should circle back in there. But I think the issues here are much deeper than sex. And ED, I think it is a lifetime of people not being willing to love you as you're asking why y'all love me in this way.

• 18:18Dr. John Delony?

  Thanks for the call, sister. All right, when we come back, we talk to a man who wants some advice on how to wrangle his wife's emotions.

• 18:27Dr. John Delony?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, while the world seems like it's falling apart, we're all under pressure to perform. And we're all under pressure to perform and look like we're keeping it all together at the same time. And we all know that support is good, but we're not even allowed to ask for it. Women are often told that they have to be everything to everyone all of the time, and somehow they have to just intuitively know how to do it all. And men are often told they are the reason for every bad thing in the world, and that asking for help means they are weak or less than. Here's a wild statistic. Seventy-six percent of people globally agree that mental health care can help resolve personal problems,

• 19:07Dr. John Delony?

  yet six out of 10 people still believe that society discourages asking for help. Listen to me carefully. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and then doing something about it so that you can be your best self for you and for everyone else in your life. If you're feeling like the weight of the world is starting to bury you, talk to someone, anyone, a friend, a loved one, or yes, a therapist. I talk with a therapist every week. And you might consider doing it too. If you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule. To get started, you just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist.

• 19:52Dr. John Delony?

  And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time easily and for no extra cost. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/daloni to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash daloni.

• 20:10Dr. John Delony?

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• 20:55Dr. John Delony?

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• 21:31Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Wayne in Boise, Idaho. What's up, Wayne?

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Hey, Dr. John. Thank you so much for taking my call.

• 21:39Dr. John Delony?

  Of course, brother.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Much appreciated, brother.

• 21:40Dr. John Delony?

  What's up?

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Hey, man. So, uh, on the side of my question, I'll give you a little bit of context and then I'm excited to dive in with you. But my question is, uh, what can I do to be better equipped to handle my wife's emotions? Um, I feel like I have the emotional capacity, the size of a coffee mug, and she's trying to dump a five gallon bucket into my small little cup. Um, I'm getting completely overwhelmed, frustrated at times, and when this happens, I tend to shut down. Um, this is probably our number one obstacle in our marriage is, is these emotions. Uh, so any help you got, man, I'd be appreciative, appreciative of it.

• 22:28Dr. John Delony?

  You love this woman, don't you?

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Big time.

• 22:31Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I can hear it in you, man. Like, this isn't you complaining about her. This is a problem you want to solve. I can tell, I can tell.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  You got it.

• 22:38Dr. John Delony?

  Man. How long you been married?

• 22:42Speaker 02

  Um, we're coming up on nine years next month.

• 22:45Dr. John Delony?

  First marriage for both?

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:47Dr. John Delony?

  How old are you?

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Forty-one.

• 22:51Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. What, something happened that precipitated this call. What was the last big blow up?

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Um, when I expressed, uh, expressed my emotions.

• 23:06Dr. John Delony?

  Give me an example. Give me an example.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Um, I was flying around the kitchen, um, washing dishes. I left the pans on the, the stove to dry. And she said, hey, you know, why don't you just put away the pans? And I was doing, trying to do fifty other things, clean up after the kids, dinner. And I took that as, uh, she didn't appreciate all that I was trying to do. Um, so when I expressed, expressed those feelings, it hurt her feelings. And then that was...

• 23:49Speaker 02

  The last biggest thing, but it continuously, like when we get in disagreements or arguments, um, it all boils down to her emotions and my lack of ability to,

• 24:09Speaker 02

  I don't acknowledge them, maybe. Um, I think she would probably say that I'm not all there for her emotionally.

• 24:20Dr. John Delony?

  I don't hear that in the example you just gave.

• 24:25Dr. John Delony?

  How are you not there for her emotionally?

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Maybe it's,

• 24:32Dr. John Delony?

  Does she expect you just to take whatever she throws at you? Whatever she says, whatever she encourages you, whatever she, however she lectures you, however she criticizes you, you're just supposed to accept that?

• 24:44Speaker 02

  I mean,

• 24:45Dr. John Delony?

  Because as you just described that one story, I feel a hundred percent I would have, I would have felt like you did.

• 24:52Dr. John Delony?

  I'm in here trying to be a modern dad. I went to work all day. I'm trying to do these things. I'm trying to help. I'm doing the dishes. And I'm trying to get the kids squared up. And I know you're busy and I'm trying to be a good guy. I'm trying to be a good dad, trying to help. And the first thing that comes in here is not like, oh my gosh, I'm so grateful for you. It's a critique.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:10Dr. John Delony?

  I'm totally with you.

• 25:12Dr. John Delony?

  Totally with you. It's a thing I hear very common from men, which is, I feel like I'm in a failure factory. When I, I don't know how to help because when I do help, I don't do it right.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  I see that.

• 25:29Dr. John Delony?

  And then,

• 25:29Speaker 02

  I just know how I process, like my feelings and emotions is completely different than, you know, understandably how she processes hers. And I don't, I don't understand.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  And maybe like, I've never had like a role model. Um, as men, you know, we don't get to see emotions and how they're played out.

• 25:53Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  Man to man. Um, so I'm. I don't want to like, put this on her because she's a great woman, but like, I'm looking for some tools to maybe just help myself.

• 26:08Dr. John Delony?

  So let's, let's, let's do this. Let's look at emotions as simply lights on a dashboard.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:15Dr. John Delony?

  Emotions are not designed to tell you the truth. They're designed to keep you safe. So when somebody says, I've like, quit yelling at me. And you're like, I'm not yelling. Somebody's body literally may have felt attacked. And when your body is attacked, your eyes narrow. Your hearing gets acute, right? You are ready for danger. And things can sound really loud when someone else is just like trying to talk over the kid that's babbling in the background.

• 26:56Dr. John Delony?

  So emotions, trying to traffic in emotions together is really a fool's errand. It's, it's, it's, it's, um, it's, it's a tough thing to do.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:10Dr. John Delony?

  Getting underneath that and saying, how can I love you right now? Is the only way I've seen couples be successful. And they do that in a bunch of different ways, but I haven't seen people be successful trying to manage each other's emotions. Because if somebody is struggling with the emotion of shutdown, then the other person's body just gets louder, which then causes the person to shut down more. Or when somebody's going over the top and somebody gets small to try to not provoke anymore. The person's not getting the rise that they need. And so they get a lot, right? So it just becomes this wild firefight.

• 27:59Dr. John Delony?

  And probably her being spicy is why you loved her. It's why you married her. It's why she was fun. And you being stable is probably what made her feel safe. And so there's underneath that, the emotion stuff is good too, right?

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 28:14Dr. John Delony?

  The deeper question is, hey, how can I love you today? Here's how you can love me. When I'm doing the dishes and you see me doing them wrong, like, let me finish them. And then when I'm all done and we're chilling, say, hey, here's a way you could really help out. If you can put this dish over here, do it like this. Or coming in and criticizing me all the time, because here's what that can be. I would feel it the same way you felt it, which is you're not, I do it the right way and you're doing it the wrong way. Instead of, thank God, somebody's doing it, period. We have a bunch of kids here and we're both tired.

• 28:59Dr. John Delony?

  But those things are solved way upstream with, hey, how can I love you today? I'm gonna need some help with the dishes tonight. Can you take dinner tonight? Hey, I'm texting you at 4 o'clock. I'm already out of gas. Can you do one of the bedtimes tonight?

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Okay, I like that.

• 29:15Dr. John Delony?

  Does that make sense?

• 29:16Speaker 02

  It does.

• 29:17Dr. John Delony?

  Now, let me ask you another question. Sometimes people in relationships, when one person gets more emotional and more emotional and more emotional, they're trying to get a sense of aliveness out of their partner. Are you in this marriage?

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I am.

• 29:36Dr. John Delony?

  No, no, I'm not asking. I'm saying like, there's a, I want you to fight back. I want to feel passion. I want to feel aliveness. Do you get what I'm saying?

• 29:51Dr. John Delony?

  And so some of it is a

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Right from

• 29:53Dr. John Delony?

  Go ahead.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Go ahead.

• 29:54Dr. John Delony?

  I was gonna say, some of the "How can I love you today?" is a commitment to, "Hey, when you yell, I'll shut down." And I'm gonna commit that when I start shutting down, I'm gonna stay in the game.

• 30:06Dr. John Delony?

  Cause I know that you're not gonna hit me, and I love you, etc., and vice versa. When I start shutting down, I find myself getting rattled, like trying to get your attention. I'm not gonna yell, but also, please stay in the game and don't shut down on me.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Gotcha. So when I tend to shut down,

• 30:22Speaker 02

  she's essentially waiting for me to come back.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  But I'm...

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Like, one, my frustration with her, because I don't understand her emotions. And two, I'm kinda busy beating myself up, because I... I don't understand. And I know that I have a lot of... I have trouble stepping out of that silence to go re-initiate the conversation.

• 30:53Dr. John Delony?

  Where did you learn that silence is the best way to handle a challenge? Did you get hit as a kid?

• 31:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 31:01Dr. John Delony?

  Was your house loud as a kid? Or did you have a parent who drank?

• 31:06Speaker 02

  No.

• 31:07Dr. John Delony?

  Where'd you learn that?

• 31:07Speaker 02

  It was, I mean, it was yelling.

• 31:10Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Um...

• 31:13Speaker 02

  But maybe I never... After the yelling part, I never really saw a resolution.

• 31:19Dr. John Delony?

  There it is. So maybe your nervous system learned at a very young age, "When the yelling starts, we disappear, because there's no... There's no solving anything here."

• 31:31Dr. John Delony?

  And the next step is fists flying. I'm not... I'm not being a part of this.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  How do I get out of that?

• 31:38Dr. John Delony?

  You have... You have to wade right through it. And you have to tell her this is hard and scary, because... You've probably heard me say it a thousand times on the show, "The things that kept you safe as a kid will destroy your adult relationships." You're married to someone who wants that engagement from you. Wants to know you're as passionate into this thing as you are.

• 31:59Dr. John Delony?

  But if you just let the nine-year-old inside of you take over and hide and get out of this deal, she feels like she just lost her husband. And she's not handling it right either. She just dials up the intensity.

• 32:13Dr. John Delony?

  Instead of gently coming in there and getting you back, right, reaching across through that electric fence and grabbing your hand. But that's when I talk, when people talk about doing the hard work, this is that work. This is you saying out loud, "Uh-oh, I'm feeling myself disappearing again. I'm feeling myself withdrawing." Taking a deep breath, and I have it in my toolkit, I'm gonna reach over and grab her hand and she, we've already talked about this, when we were having breakfast together, when I grab her hand, she knows to stop talking.

• 32:42Dr. John Delony?

  Because I'm trying to come back. I'm practicing coming back. And what you'll do over time is you'll teach your body that it's okay when things get volatile a little bit, because you're both on the same team and no one's gonna hit each other or set each other on fire or anything.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 32:56Dr. John Delony?

  And she has to be an adult too and say, "I feel myself just wanting to scream and yell and see if there's any aliveness in my husband at all. I wanna go get it." And she has to know, "The louder I get, the more his body shuts off."

• 33:15Dr. John Delony?

  And so, if I see him working really hard and everybody's gonna be safe, I see him trying, everybody's gonna be safe, I'm just gonna say nothing. I'm gonna bite my lip. Bite my tongue, and then next time we get together, I'm gonna say, "Hey, will you help me with this?" And you have to promise if she says, "Hey, here's a better way to do the dishwasher," that you won't go into a shame spiral. "I'm a loser. I'm such a terrible husband. I'm the worst ever. I can't believe she got stuck with..." You won't do that kinda stuff.

• 33:42Dr. John Delony?

  Or if she comes in kinda hot and says, "Why'd you put those pans on there?" That you can say, "Oh, I'm just drying them off."

• 33:49Dr. John Delony?

  And that you don't immediately go down the, "'Cause I'm a loser and I don't know how to participate in my own... You see what I'm saying?

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:56Dr. John Delony?

  Some of that is you exhaling and choosing mindfulness. And all mindfulness is trying to extend the gap between what just happened and what you do next.

• 34:08Dr. John Delony?

  It's just being aware of that next moment.

• 34:13Dr. John Delony?

  It's the same thing, people who struggle with addiction, who struggle with food, um, overeating, like, it's that, "I'm about to grab this thing, exhale real quick, am I actually hungry? Do I actually need this cigarette? Do I actually need to text this person back, I'm not married to you?" It's just stopping right before that action.

• 34:32Dr. John Delony?

  And here's a funny thing that happened.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  It's a big challenge.

• 34:34Dr. John Delony?

  It's a big challenge, but this is the work to be done.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:38Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a jerk real quick, I'll be an ass here, and say, "If you don't do this work, you're gonna teach your kids the same cycle and they're gonna do it too."

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Gotcha.

• 34:48Dr. John Delony?

  And so the work is for you and for y'all, but it's also like, this is change your family tree kinda stuff.

• 34:56Dr. John Delony?

  And it's still gonna feel a certain way, the challenge is, the work is to go do the right thing anyway. Cause over time, your body will learn, "Oh, my wife is safe, we love each other, we're in this thing together."

• 35:10Dr. John Delony?

  All of this, though, brother, starts with, "Hey, for 30 days, when we wake up, I'm gonna bring you a cup of coffee, just like you like it, how can I love you today?"

• 35:24Dr. John Delony?

  And then come up with a couple of signals for, "Hey, I'm starting to, I'm getting overwhelmed." "All right, I'm back.

• 35:32Dr. John Delony?

  I'm just drying these things out, man, I'll get to them." "I can't believe you didn't try them, I'll get to them, that's fine." And, "I'm not gonna, I'm not a bad dad, I'm not a bad husband, I'm doing my best, I'm good, I'm good."

• 35:45Dr. John Delony?

  And it, dude, none of us, it's just like shooting free throws, except it's in our heads, and nobody taught us this, and I'm proud of you for even saying that out loud, for trying to do something you've never seen done before.

• 35:56Dr. John Delony?

  It's impressive.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  I appreciate that.

• 35:59Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, and hey, if she wants to call, I would love to talk to her as well, cause I think there's this, it gets in a dance here, um, man, if you guys wanna reach back out and, uh, put in the heading, "Reach back out, man," and, uh, you've got our contact info, if she wants to be on too, cause I think there's a couple of things we can do, y'all can do together, that I'll walk with you both on, both through, um, to stop this dance before it actually gets, gets going. But man, can I just say one more time? The currency in the 21st century for men is emotional intelligence. How do I do this thing? How do I stay present and not explode? How do I stay present and not shut down? How do I meet my wife where she's at and stand firm?

• 36:44Dr. John Delony?

  And that wasn't what our dads taught us. They had a different operating system. And so we were learning it on the fly. Brother, I am proud of you for standing in there and trying to learn something new. Absolutely incredible. Call me anytime, man. We come back, we talk to a young man who wonders why his parents forced him into youth sports. I've been on board with the benefits of red light therapy for a long time. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about Bond Charge. Our lives are lived almost entirely inside, under the harrowing glow of fluorescent lights and in front of little screens and medium sized screens and big screens. And all of this stuff affects our mood, our sleep, our anxiety, and studies are showing

• 37:29Dr. John Delony?

  it. And this is why I love Bond Charge. Bond Charge is a world leader in red light therapy and EMF blocking gear. I use their red light therapies every single day. Red light therapy can help boost your mood, help you recover from injuries, help reduce stress, and even help with sleep. I use my red light therapy panels, infrared sauna blanket, my EMF mat, all of it. And listen up, if your skin looks tired, check out Bond Charge's red light mask for skin recovery, collagen production, and improved blood flow. I got the mask and I think I look like a smoke show. Just wear it 10 minutes a few times a week for fresher skin. No creams, no appointments, it's lightweight, and it's cordless. Go to bondcharge.com/daloni and use coupon code DALONI to save 15%.

• 38:14Dr. John Delony?

  That's B-O-N-C-H-A-R-G-E. Bondcharge.com/daloni and use coupon code DALONI to save 15%. All right, Dallas, Texas, let's talk to Ben. What's up, Ben?

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Hey, Dr. John, thank you so much for taking my call.

• 38:30Dr. John Delony?

  You got it. What's up, dude?

• 38:32Speaker 03

  And apologies in advance, I'm super nervous about this.

• 38:35Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, man, you're good. Don't ever apologize on this show, man. We're all trying to figure it out the best we can, man.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Yep. So my question is, how do I get past the resentment I still have from being forced to play youth sports?

• 38:49Dr. John Delony?

  How old are you?

• 38:50Speaker 03

  I'm thirty.

• 38:51Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Um, what are you resenting?

• 38:55Speaker 03

  Um.

• 38:55Dr. John Delony?

  What do youth sports cost you?

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Well, basically, uh, if you have some background on it, I was put in sports at a very early age. I played as long as I can remember and was just told, hey, here's the sport you're gonna play. You're gonna play it throughout high school and was just molded and shaped into the image other people wanted me to be. And I feel like in the end I became a decent player, but I feel like a lot of my childhood and teenage years were miserable.

• 39:29Dr. John Delony?

  Do you still have a relationship with your parents?

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Yes, my parents are amazing. Uh, I love them so much and they are, you know, they've always been amazing parents, uh, when it came to everything, but when it comes to this, it's just like the one part that, um, the only thing really I have, uh, I struggle with, with the resentment issue.

• 39:54Dr. John Delony?

  I have a hard time believing that. Prove me wrong.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Um, mainly, sports was a big part of my life. It was, like I said, something I did,

• 40:09Speaker 03

  um, at a very early age, travel sports, uh, youth sports, uh, year round.

• 40:15Dr. John Delony?

  But you told me your parents were amazing and wonderful. So there's a scenario where you got to spend a lot of time with them, got to go on the road, go to hotels with them, got to hear them cheering and screaming for you.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Yes, and also a lot of long car rides home, uh, a lot of yelling and screaming.

• 40:32Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, then don't dishonor yourself by saying they're wonderful and great and the best parents of all time ever, except for this one little thing.

• 40:42Dr. John Delony?

  The honest truth is, they did some really great stuff for you. They provided for you. They got you, I'm just making stuff up, they got you to college, they're still married, they're good people, and maybe they used you to prop up their own insecurities. Maybe you were a walking, living, breathing trophy for them. And no kid should have to carry that weight.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  Gotcha. It definitely felt like I never played the game, but I played the game for them and not

• 41:12Dr. John Delony?

  There you go.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  For me.

• 41:13Dr. John Delony?

  So here's a big question. You're 30, and man, I could be out to lunch here, but I doubt it. What are you still doing in your life for them? Sunday lunches, are you a lawyer and you don't want to be? Do you still have to travel to Thanksgiving because this is how we do it in this family? You're driving a Volvo and really you want to drive a, like, what are the things you're still doing now because your dad gives you that nod?

• 41:40Speaker 03

  Uh, I feel like, you know, performance is a lot.

• 41:44Dr. John Delony?

  Yep.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  So trying to do good at my job, trying to do good.

• 41:47Dr. John Delony?

  What does do good mean?

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Trying to make sure I'm, you know, succeeding, you know, with my job.

• 41:54Dr. John Delony?

  No, no, I'm drilling down on purpose. What does succeed mean? Does your dad ask you how much you made last year?

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, making money.

• 42:02Dr. John Delony?

  There you go.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  That's a big part of it.

• 42:04Dr. John Delony?

  Do you have kids?

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Yes, I have two.

• 42:07Dr. John Delony?

  Are they, how old are they?

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Uh, one is two and the other one is six months.

• 42:13Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so has he already started lecturing the two-year-old?

• 42:17Speaker 03

  Um.

• 42:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yes.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  No, we live in, well, we live, uh, in a different city, so.

• 42:23Dr. John Delony?

  I know, but when you see him, like, whoa, hold on, whoa, like when he, when the two-year-old acts too, or talks back, or does something silly?

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Uh, no, I mean, he, he will lecture me, but I kind of figure, yeah, he's my dad, he's always gonna do that.

• 42:40Dr. John Delony?

  He doesn't have to. He could sit outside on his front porch and drink a cup of coffee and be so happy that his son's home and get to just revel in his grandkids.

• 42:51Dr. John Delony?

  He can just see that his son is smiling and his wife still likes him. And it appears that he's making good money, but who cares? Cause they're happy.

• 43:01Dr. John Delony?

  The reason you have resentment in your heart, brother, is not because they forced you to do sports growing up. It's because you're still playing a sport for them, still.

• 43:14Dr. John Delony?

  And that's exhausting, man.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:19Dr. John Delony?

  And it wouldn't surprise me if your wife is tired of having her life also regulated by your parents. And it may be coming of age where you are seeing your two kids and you're starting to think, how in God's green earth could you talk or treat them like that?

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I have noticed myself thinking about that.

• 43:39Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Dr. John Delony?

  So your anger isn't past tense, it is right now.

• 43:50Dr. John Delony?

  And can I just tell you this, whatever it's worth, brother? I, I don't want to be cheesy. You are worth more than the money you make.

• 43:59Dr. John Delony?

  And you're worth more than the stupid sports you played.

• 44:04Dr. John Delony?

  And I wish your memories of car rides with your parents was filled with fart noises and singing along to Garth Brooks songs and not getting lectured about how you should stand and hold your stance better for baseball or whatever.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  Thanks.

• 44:22Dr. John Delony?

  That breaks my heart for you. And for the millions of other kids who are in the exact same situation, whose parents are using them as proxies for their, to rerun their childhood.

• 44:39Dr. John Delony?

  So the only thing you got now ahead of you, brother, is whatever comes next. That other stuff's already happened.

• 44:46Dr. John Delony?

  What does that look like? Here's what it looks like. It's like putting your feet in the ground and standing up really tall and not in a dishonorable way, but doing things like, how's your year going? Good. Well, how much money have you made? You know what? I'm just gonna start keeping that private between me and my wife. Are you serious right now? Yeah, I'm just, I'm just gonna just stop talking about money.

• 45:11Dr. John Delony?

  Hey Thanksgiving, we're doing the, actually this year for Thanksgiving, we're gonna go to Disneyland. Taking the kids. Your mother's gonna be really, yeah, this year we're not gonna come.

• 45:22Dr. John Delony?

  And you're gonna feel guilty, and you're gonna feel ashamed, and you're gonna feel less than, and there's gonna be the, the, you know, you really hurt your mother, all that stuff, that's, okay.

• 45:34Dr. John Delony?

  My days of living my life for y'all are now officially over. I have my own wife and my own kids.

• 45:44Dr. John Delony?

  And every bit of this will feel hard and weird.

• 45:49Dr. John Delony?

  Alright, I'm throwing a lot at you. Talk back.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean,

• 45:55Speaker 03

  yeah, I just, to think about, you know, throwing my shoulders back and just being with my family and kind of taking charge. Sounds good?

• 46:04Dr. John Delony?

  Will you do it?

• 46:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I will.

• 46:08Dr. John Delony?

  Can I, can I flip this whole thing over on you for a second?

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, go for it.

• 46:13Dr. John Delony?

  Does your mom and dad know?

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Do they know about the resentment?

• 46:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  Um, I don't think so. The few times it's been brought up, they kind of just shrug their shoulders and go, oh, what do you mean? Of course you had a plan.

• 46:29Dr. John Delony?

  No, I'm not talking about the resentment from childhood supports. I still think that's the proxy. I'm talking about right now. When your mom calls and asks, have you done this with your kids yet? Why are you letting them? You don't get a vote? They don't get a vote, brother? Do they know that?

• 46:47Speaker 03

  Um,

• 46:50Speaker 03

  I hope they do.

• 46:53Dr. John Delony?

  That means they don't. Hey, and I don't blame you, that's a hard conversation.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  Right.

• 47:01Dr. John Delony?

  It will be cruel if you find yourself continuing along the same path, doing what they want to do, responding to their inquiries, trying to be successful so that somehow, some way, your dad will finally say he's proud of you, or at least not say he's disappointed in you.

• 47:21Dr. John Delony?

  And you come to resent them because that resentment will be on the back of you not having boundaries because you're 30 years old now. You are now no longer being dragged around in the back of a suburban. And so the most fair and honorable thing you can do for them is to establish boundaries so that you can preserve the relationship.

• 47:43Dr. John Delony?

  The most unfair thing you can do is just to say nothing and continue to seethe and seethe and seethe and seethe until you finally explode.

• 47:54Dr. John Delony?

  Can I tell you how this works in my house? Yeah.

• 48:00Dr. John Delony?

  I would ask your wife to make you a list of the ways that you are still being parented by your mom and dad. Because I promise you, she knows. And say, "I won't get mad, I'm just gonna listen, I will not respond until tomorrow. But I have a piece of paper and a pen. What are all the ways you see me still being a high school kid when it comes to my relationship with my parents?" And she's probably gonna say, "You text back with every second. You always have the phone, you always step out whenever your dad calls. You are always having to report stuff to your dad because you need to make sure he knows how much money you made on the sale." And every time your mom comments on, "Why is the kid's shoe scuffed up?", that you turn around and, "Why aren't we calling enough", or "Face timing enough",

• 48:43Dr. John Delony?

  or she's probably got a whole list of things. Give her permission to shine a light in the areas where you can't see, where it's dark. And then I want you just to exhale and spend a couple of days with that list. And ask yourself, "Is this true?"

• 49:01Dr. John Delony?

  And then begin the hard, painful, awful, hellish walk that is right back through the middle of that.

• 49:11Dr. John Delony?

  I don't need their approval anymore.

• 49:14Dr. John Delony?

  I wish I had their love, it'd be awesome, but I don't have their approval anymore. And I never had it in the first place. And all of their weight on me was never about me, it was about them. And they actually probably did want the best for me, they just didn't know how to say it. So they thought performance was the best. And then, anyway, I gotta walk back through the middle of that. And on the other end, you're gonna stand up tall and say, "This is my house with my wife. And as for us in our house, here's how we're gonna be. Mom and dad, we want you to be a part of it. We hope you are, but here's what that means."

• 49:45Dr. John Delony?

  It's a tough, tough, tough road, brother. And I'm not saying cut 'em out, but I'm saying it's time for you to get out of the back of that Tahoe or that Suburban and begin to live your own life.

• 49:57Dr. John Delony?

  This is not about childhood sports. This is about right now. We'll be right back.

• 50:05Dr. John Delony?

  I grew up playing sports and I've grown up in weight rooms my whole life. And I realized a few years ago that I took for granted how frustrating, how nerve wracking it can be for someone who's never worked out before to just waltz into a gym or a weight room or a workout class for the first time. And now that I'm getting older, when I find myself in a traditional gym, even I find myself like sizing up some beefcake muscle head just to see where I compare. Listen, here's the truth. We all need to lift weights. Men, women, young and old, everyone needs to lift heavy things. We all need to move more. And knowing what to do, when to do it, even how to do it can be super intimidating. So whether you've been lifting and working out for decades or you're ready to get started for the first time,

• 50:50Dr. John Delony?

  I want you to check out the incredible programs with my friends at TrainWell. I've used their workouts. My wife and her friends use them. My older sister is getting jacked with her TrainWell trainer. And even Kelly, even Kelly, the producer of this show, is now a TrainWell devotee. It's a movement. TrainWell offers tailored workouts with step-by-step guidance from real people. Meaning it's not just an app and it's not just a personal trainer. It's the best of both. To start, you just take a short quiz. You get matched with a real-life coach, someone who will actually listen to you and work with you to build a plan that works for your body, for your season of life, and for where you want to go. They have videos that give you step-by-step guidance and your trainer will check in with you

• 51:33Dr. John Delony?

  after your workouts to see how you did and how you're feeling. Now is the time to take control of your body once and for all. Check out my friends at TrainWell. And TrainWell has a special offer for my audience. Just $89 a month when you lock in your plan, plus 14 days of free training. Go to trainwell.net/daloni right now. That's T-R-A-I-N, trainwell.net/daloni.

• 52:00Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Kelly, what happened that was cool?

• 52:02Speaker 04

  All right, this is a wonderful email from Jason in Lexington, South Carolina.

• 52:08Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  He says, "All right. Hey, Dr. John and Kelly, you are going to be getting an invitation to my wedding soon. I'm marrying the woman of my dreams, Emily..."

• 52:16Dr. John Delony?

  Gross.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  "...in June. It wouldn't have happened without you and your team. When I discovered your book randomly in August, we were good, but I had a lot of work to do. Since I discovered you, I've read both of your books, never missed a show, and have begun a journey to wellness with a therapist. I need you to know that you have impact. Even if a call seemingly has nothing to do with my life, you always apply wisdom and an action step that I can use somewhere else. Your impact is massive. I know you can't come, but please see the invitation for what it is. Proof that you are changing lives. One struggling person at a time." And then I am going to read the last sentence of this.

• 52:53Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, here we go.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  And everyone in here can see that this is actually in here.

• 52:56Dr. John Delony?

  Kelly always adds these things.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  "Kelly, thank you. It is so clear that you are the glue that holds this amazing team together."

• 53:02Dr. John Delony?

  Boo. Ben is, and Andrew, and Kelly, K2. Amen. And Mia.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  I just read what the fans send in.

• 53:13Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. All right. Hey, dude, that's the nicest email I've got in a while. We've got some mean ones, that's a nice one. Um, where are they getting married?

• 53:23Speaker 04

  Uh, he didn't say, but they are from Lexington, South Carolina, so. Road trip.

• 53:29Dr. John Delony?

  We should all go. That would be a great wedding bomb. So we roll in there, dude. It'd be also funny if we put their, uh, like their registry in the show notes. Just encourage everyone just to nuke it. But if we did that, it would be chaos. We'd get registries all. We can't do that. But that would be cool. Let's think of something fun to do for their wedding.

• 53:49Speaker 04

  We'll come up with something.

• 53:51Dr. John Delony?

  Maybe. You know what'd be dope? Hey, if they come here, Kelly will go get a tattoo with you. Another one. That'd be cool.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 53:58Dr. John Delony?

  Old English ones.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 54:01Dr. John Delony?

  Whatever. KDFL for life. What's your favorite hip hop group?

• 54:09Dr. John Delony?

  I can say some country artist.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  Well, no, because you said hip hop.

• 54:12Dr. John Delony?

  It doesn't matter.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  So that wouldn't be a country.

• 54:15Dr. John Delony?

  What was that hip hop country guy back in the 90s? He's from Dallas. He's from DFW.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  Hip hop country guy.

• 54:21Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, what was his name? I was gonna say Cowboy Curtis, but that's.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  Oh, Cowboy Troy.

• 54:26Dr. John Delony?

  Cowboy Troy.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  That wasn't great.

• 54:28Dr. John Delony?

  I know.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  No, that wasn't great.

• 54:34Speaker 04

  Let's not.

• 54:34Dr. John Delony?

  Let's not.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:35Dr. John Delony?

  Hey, everybody. Love you guys. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. Go find somebody and be extra kind and tip well.