#187 - Matty Matheson

Matty Matheson joins the pod to discuss not inheriting a big hog, how unprepared he was his first time acting on “The Bear,” getting into mischief as a child in small-town Canada, raising a family in a sick farmhouse in his hometown, growing produce for restaurants in his home garden, his surprise at somehow getting to be in the new “Toy Story,” and much more. Matty and Stav help callers including a guy whose buddy is catfishing one of his girlfriend’s sugar daddies, and a woman who’s wondering if she’ll ever be able to find love with an average endowed man considering that she’s “wide set” down there. Watch the fifth and final season of “The Bear” on FX and Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/series/the-bear Follow Matty Matheson on social media: https://www.instagram.com/mattymatheson https://www.tiktok.com/@mattymatheson https://www.youtube.com/mattymatheson https://www.facebook.com/MATTYMATHESON1/ https://www.patreon.com/MATTYSWORLD https://mattymatheson.store/ Thank you to our sponsors! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:27Stavros Halkias?

  Hello, everybody. We have an incredible episode coming to you right now with Matty Matheson, one of my favorites. A Mount Rushmore fat guy. I love Matty so much. His videos are delectable. I love that he's all over getting, uh, he's another guy from the internet that is inexplicably getting to be in movies. And we have a real, real kinship there as fat guys who've escaped the internet. You're gonna love this episode. We love the two. But before that, we just want to let you know we are wrapping up the Dreamboat Tour, hopefully as long as I don't get in any other accidents. Tomorrow, I am in Seattle, Washington. We have tickets still available to the Late Show. Atlantic City on 7/3, the eve of 4th of July.

• 1:11Stavros Halkias?

  I'm then in Montclair, New Jersey on July 10th. And Huntington, New York, Strong Island, July 11th. And then, of course, we are filming the special in Baltimore, July 18th and 19th, Saturday and Sunday. There are still some tickets available to the Late Show on Sunday. Come on, come on, let your hair down. Don't you want to be involved in a special taping? Uh, either way, we can't wait to see you there on the road. And enjoy this, uh, enjoy this episode, huh? What do you say with our pal Matty Matheson? Welcome, everybody, to Stop, He's Real. 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We are pumped to have on the couch for the first time, Matty Matheson. Matty, thanks for being here.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Hey, it's an absolute

• 1:58Stavros Halkias?

  This is huge. You know, I would say for my life, I would say the most important identity to me is being fat.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  Truly, like, I've, the older I get, comedian, it's really embarrassing because it's like comedian and fat are my two identities.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  If you're fat, you're funny.

• 2:13Stavros Halkias?

  That mattered to me. Yeah, and it all, it does go hand in hand. Absolutely.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  It does.

• 2:17Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know if you had that experience as a youth, using being fun and funny to deflect.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:23Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that you were the fattest kid in class.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  My brothers, I'm in the mid, I have four siblings, or three siblings. My sister's older than I have two brothers. They were born with abs and big dicks.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's tough.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  And then, and then, and then, big dogs over here, big dogs over here in the middle.

• 2:38Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Like, where's mine, dad?

• 2:40Stavros Halkias?

  You know, that's in the gene pool, you know? It's like, I have a, I have a brother who was always more handsome, but.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  Fatherhood is taking a toll on it. You know what I mean? Like, he is, he's, he's getting into, you know, he, as a middle, he's still a handsome middle aged man, but it wasn't like, he wasn't an Adonis.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  No.

• 2:58Stavros Halkias?

  To have two brothers.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Two brothers like.

• 3:00Stavros Halkias?

  Hung and jacked.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  But also like, both like, my one brother collects junk for a living, you know, just bought him a new truck.

• 3:07Stavros Halkias?

  But wouldn't you trade it all for a big dick?

• 3:09Speaker 02

  I know, I was always like, I would love to live with mom and dad still and have just a hog.

• 3:14Stavros Halkias?

  Let's be honest, dude. All of this bullshit.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:17Stavros Halkias?

  Everything we've done, working so hard in our respective fields, is to get.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Give it away.

• 3:22Stavros Halkias?

  To be treated like a man with a big dick.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  This is how hard you have to work. You have to get, I feel like, you know, speaking for myself, you're very talented, but speaking for myself too, it's like, I feel like I hit a lottery.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:32Stavros Halkias?

  Like, there's no, like, I could have had a good career in comedy, but I'm way too successful.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:38Stavros Halkias?

  You have to not only be kind of good at what you do.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  You also have to get insanely lucky.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:44Stavros Halkias?

  And then you get treated like a handsome man with a hog.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get treated very well now.

• 3:49Stavros Halkias?

  Now.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Now is nice. Now is nice. People open doors for me. I can walk into any restaurant, get a table.

• 3:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, but that probably does, because I feel like for me, the thing, what, two things happen when you're, you know, when you're a fat child who wants, who, who needs a skill to be respected.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:06Stavros Halkias?

  At first, you're like, oh, they're only, it's only because I'm funny, it's only because I'm entertaining, it's only because I make the fucking best food in the world, but then you realize. Part of it is just, some women just need to find out about you.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  And they do wanna fuck a guy that looks like this.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and that's been, that's been the coolest part of it.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Start sucking on my tits.

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Oh dude, the first time I got a titty suck on my own, it was wild.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 4:33Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it blows your mind. You're like, whoa, I didn't even think about.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Get over here.

• 4:36Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't think about these possibilities.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Mummy wants her some other milk, you know? Yeah, it's nice. Get over here. I wanna see what it's like.

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  You know, I wanna see what it's like.

• 4:46Stavros Halkias?

  What was your first, were you like a class, like what was your first like kind of?

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  Cause if you, if you grow up around, you know, if you got like, you're the middle child, you're,

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:55Stavros Halkias?

  Your baby brothers are pieces of ass.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:57Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you're in, you're in Canada. What's the, what's the like, is that what starts like you're just a class clown in like elementary school or whatever?

• 5:05Speaker 02

  For sure. I, I, I've, I've been getting attention through laughter my entire life.

• 5:11Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  You know, like I remember,

• 5:14Speaker 02

  I think I was in grade four was the first time I got like kicked out of class.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  I asked my teacher, I, it's one of those things when you're a kid and you don't know what anything is.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Somehow I asked my teacher if she had crabs.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  You know?

• 5:32Speaker 02

  And I'm just like, I still don't know what crabs are. No one's asked crabs.

• 5:35Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Just pube, pube crabs?

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  And I remember at, in grade four, and it was just like, it's like, you know, getting dragged out.

• 5:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  You know, back in the nineties, you'd just get like, you know, dragged out of class for anything.

• 5:48Stavros Halkias?

  A little late child abuse.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, yeah. So I think it was like that, you know, just blurting that out because somebody, you know, maybe my brother said something, you know, like it's, I forget what it was, but I just remember being in like grade four and just asking in front of the class.

• 6:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Everyone starts laughing. Nobody knows what it is. And then I'm getting attention. I'm getting kicked out of class.

• 6:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, of course.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  And then, and then it was just like, from there on, it was just jokes and jokes and jokes and building that speed and building that, that comfortability and like, my brothers, they were the crew. Like they, I was the middle child. They liked video games. They're, they liked Creed.

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Subculture, you know, like it was like.

• 6:29Stavros Halkias?

  Again, you don't have to know about subtext when your dick is big.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, they're free.

• 6:36Stavros Halkias?

  You're free. You're free to like the whatever bullshit's on the radio. You're free to play fucking Sonic and not think about.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Dude, Gran Turismo. You, oh, what are you doing this weekend? You and your friends are coming over? You're doing Gran Turismo all weekend? Sick. I'm gonna, I don't know, go jerk off in the woods.

• 6:51Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course. Yeah. So that, that, that's a fun, that's a fun one to just like. You have to figure out your own shit. I, I remember I, I remember a fat, there was a mo, there was a turning point where I was just like. All right, I should stop embarrassing myself because that also hap, when you're like, do these people respect me? Is there, that's a, that's a big turning point as a fat child. I remember when I was in maybe sixth grade. And it was like, uh, sorry, grade six.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Grade six.

• 7:18Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, sorry, sorry. Let me translate.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:21Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know if you've figured it out, but.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  French, you know?

• 7:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Um, where I, and I went to like a Greek, Greek Orthodox church.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  Which sounds, it says ortho.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Looks medieval. It's still medieval, right?

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  Cool as fuck. Yeah, yeah. The stained glass is beautiful. The, the icons are legitimately beautiful works of art.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:41Stavros Halkias?

  I have my saint name, uh, my, you know, the saint, I have the icon of Stavros.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  In my house, just because I'm not super religious, but it's, it's so nice and it reminds me of, you know, growing up. But it's the chilliest religion with Orthodox in it. Everything else is Orthodox. It's like strict as fuck.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  We've seen that.

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, absolutely. And these, and so we would have like. You know, I was in the Greek Orthodox Youth of America.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Nice, strong, strong.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  It, the Goya, you know, it had a nice, uh, a nice ring to it. And they would have like a little mixers for us. And I remember, uh, straight up snorting Parmesan cheese.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  For attention.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  And everybody loving it. But I think, I know what Dave Chappelle felt when he heard that cameraman laugh too much and he had to go to Africa.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:29Stavros Halkias?

  I felt that at that moment where I was like.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Too much.

• 8:31Stavros Halkias?

  I'm an embarrassment to the plus size community. I'm, I'm snorting cheese for, for the, uh, uh, entertainment of the kids who are. Gonna go hook up with each other.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna play, you know, beach, dead or alive beach volleyball.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:46Stavros Halkias?

  You know, with a, with a nose full of, you know, Reggiano. It wasn't even Parmesan.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  No, it was just straight Reg. Straight Reg. Give me that uncut Reg. Give me that uncut reg, I'm snorting it, I'm getting laughs, I'm gonna go home and vomit. I'm gonna go be sad, alone and vomit with a nose full of reg.

• 9:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just, yeah, doing this for a weekend.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  So, you know, there's a moment where you turn it around, but you gotta, you know, you gotta, and that was a fun thing too, because that was our, our church youth group was the first time, like, I got fucked up, like, you know, you're drinking in the basement of your church.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  It's incredible.

• 9:22Stavros Halkias?

  I grabbed titties in my church during the Greek festival, that was beautiful. I believe that was my sophomore year, sophomore year of high school, great stuff. Big drought after that, it was the Lord.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  It went from that.

• 9:32Stavros Halkias?

  Let me touch a titty and I was like, wow.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  And then you're like, you're gonna be a virgin for a long time. You wanna do that in my basement? You wanna do that in my basement? Well, no more.

• 9:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's where I keep my old stuff.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  That's where we keep our pain and shame.

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

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• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

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• 11:16Stavros Halkias?

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• 12:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's drinkag1.com/stavi. What was so, so, so you're, what was like your friend group like? What was the like, what was the little, were you getting up to little mischief? When did the mischief in the?

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Oh, the mischief started early. We were, we were mischievous.

• 12:15Stavros Halkias?

  I'm guessing you got like a, a very amateur tattoo at a very young age. Is that right?

• 12:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got, well, I got, I got a dump, like, I, my first tattoo is like this armband thing on my arm. But that was because I went, I ended up going to a Catholic high school. Because I didn't, we, you know, I wasn't, I did, I got kicked out of the first high school. And then like my brother was, he was a bit of a troublemaker. I was a bit of a troublemaker. I did something pretty dumb. And they're like, we're not gonna, and then they knew that there was another one. My, my younger brother, he didn't make it through grade nine. He went straight into construction. He went, he wasn't built for, he wasn't built for academia. You know, and also like we didn't know what autism was back then, you know, so he's just touched.

• 13:03Stavros Halkias?

  Put a nail in, dude, straight as fuck on the construction site.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  We still don't know if he has autism. He's got something though. He's touched by God.

• 13:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  You know, but the, the, the, yeah, like it was just like stupid tattoos and, um,

• 13:18Speaker 02

  You know, just, I'm lucky. I grew up in a small town. Okay. With, with really good, I am still like, I'm on a group chat with all my homies from high school. Awesome. Me and my, like, white, my wife, we moved back and our son Mac, when he was two years old, to our hometown. Like, we left Toronto. Oh, that's sick. Seven years ago, eight years ago. Nice. And, uh, we live down there now and it's just, it's incredible. Like, it is incredible because it is, we're playing Little League. Yeah. And so like, me and my buddy George, our sons are playing on the same diamond. Oh. And we're sitting there, you know, we got our fucking chairs and we're sitting there. Yeah, that's a dream. It is so crazy. We used to play baseball here and now we're watching our kids play baseball here. Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  And me and George are like, well, yeah, I don't want to blast George. We're like, hopefully our kids don't get as fucked up as we got fucked up. You know, cause it is, it's like small town shit. Like, we are running around. And also, my town was so amazing. Like, Fort Erie was such a great town. Border town to Buffalo, New York. Okay. So, so like, you know, before nine 11, we could rip across with our driver's licenses, go get beer, go to the bars there. Yeah. Great punk hardcore scene there, fucking. But our town was all, like, we had five strip clubs. And like, our town's like 16,000 people at that time. And so like, Chinese restaurants, bingo halls, strip clubs.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  And so like, just going to the bar was, we would just go to, first time I ever went to a bar, we went, shout out to the GTR, it ain't there no more. Oh, RIP. But the GTR was like, being a kid, like, you know, my legs shaking. Of course. First time in a bar, I used my older brother's, his fake ID. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not even old enough to go to the bar. We go in, we get in, I get a beer, you know? Just giving women that smell like vanilla fields, like cookies, you know, they smell like, everyone smells like Cinnabon. Of course. You know, and I'm just giving money to, to people, being like, you don't have to do this. Yeah. You know, like, being a child. Of course. And thinking back on it, I was just like, you know, like 15 or 16.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  And I'm just like, just looking like a fat sweaty child, just drinking La Bat Blue, just like, dude, be like, who's got bumps? Like, what's going on over here, you know? Oh, man. That chick. I don't even know that's that's a C-section. What's a C-section? You know, like it's just like, but it was an incredible town and it is an incredible town and it it is more than just strip clubs. I don't, you know, it's probably, it's an incredible town. Yeah, it's improved a little. We got like Arby's now. It's big. Yeah, yeah. Came into town a little bit ago.

• 15:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, beef and cheddars.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, like Fort Erie was an incredible town to grow up. Lots of woods, lots of like, you know, stupid ass shit with a bunch of kids ripping around, a lot of old factories, throwing rocks, that shit.

• 16:00Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  And just like getting fucked up, riding around on BMXs. We're also on the lake. So like every summer is just like hanging out on the lake.

• 16:06Stavros Halkias?

  Sick.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, so it is just, it was, uh, it was amazing. All my friends are my homies still. I love them very much. Our group chat is like, it's funny because they, as they're older, like they're, like, we were all like, the kids that listen to like punk music and like we were whatever, like that crew of kids in that town. And like now everyone's just old and they're like, Matty, can you guys like Bills tickets?

• 16:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  You know, like the group chat is mostly around me getting them tickets to sports events. You know, but they're still like, they're my brothers for life, but.

• 16:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, man. And that's like, I do think about, that's the kind of advantage of, that's the perfect setup where you are near a big, awesome city.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:45Stavros Halkias?

  But you can live out, like I'm, I always am sad Baltimore isn't 90 minutes from New York.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:51Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I love Baltimore, but four hours is just a little, it's a little far. But I know that feeling of, you know, like my brother just had a kid and it's like, friends of my, one of my best friends, she has two kids and I don't get to see them enough. And I'm just like, there is, there's something nice to be able to like dip, dip into both, you know?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  It's incredible. Like we have, it's a crazy thing. Like I'm like, we have our forever home. You know, we have this place, this farm that like our children, like both of my daughters were born on the farm. You know, like Trisha's like, she's a dog, like she's like three, three home births and like, it is this thing where like they were born there and it's just like, we have this place that is like so special. And I just love being there. It is like a cliche, like there's one elementary school in our town.

• 17:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  You know, our kids are like riding bikes down. On dirt roads and like having fun and like, you know, it is one of the when I when the kids come to the city, I have to be like, like, make sure we look, we're looking both ways. And like, there's people here and there's cars and there's people on there's they bikes, they're they're ripping by on bikes and like, I don't know, but it is funny because my kids are still so like, just like, whatever, country kids.

• 17:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's cute, man.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:58Stavros Halkias?

  It, yeah, it's very, it's very fun. It's also funny to think about like, all this like trad shit that's going around now.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:04Stavros Halkias?

  Where people like, you have to be racist and your wife, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like you just described the most trad, your wife didn't, you gave birth on a farm.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:13Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, it's like, yeah, you can do cocaine in different parts of your life.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:17Stavros Halkias?

  Have this many tattoos and still go to a, like, that's what's beautiful about it. It's just so funny that people have co-opted something that's just nice.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:25Stavros Halkias?

  And a thing to do when you're a little older. And it's like, that's a lesson to everybody. You can suck and fuck in your youth and you can still end up on a nice farm.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can still land it.

• 18:33Stavros Halkias?

  You can still, you could absolutely land the plane.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  You can land and land the plane.

• 18:37Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta be really lucky, I mean.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  You gotta be really lucky, really successful.

• 18:40Stavros Halkias?

  Eight different times.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:42Stavros Halkias?

  You have to cheat the reaper to do it as well.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  I've stared into the sun long enough, you know? I've seen it. I've seen it, you know, like, it is a crazy thing, like, like, also, like, I lived in Toronto for like eighteen years. And it was just like, I never thought like I would ever leave Toronto and I never thought. And then we had a kid. And then also, like, I come from a very working class family and like, when we, I got to a place where I was like, I could afford a house, but I couldn't afford a mortgage, you know? So I couldn't, like, I was like, I'm not getting a five hundred square foot condo. I'm not doing that. And so then like that force says, I was just like, okay, well, maybe we look elsewhere. And then I started looking like around Toronto. And then I was home like one Thanksgiving and I was like just bishing about everything. I was like, you could get a mansion for the cost of a condo in Toronto.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  And then like I found this like kind of clapped out farm and I was just like. I'm buying this farm.

• 19:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  And it turned into like, just like that. Like I, I was just like, dude, Trish, this is it. And she's just like, it needs a septic tank and it needs a, it needs a lot of stuff.

• 19:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  I was just like, we'll get there.

• 19:47Stavros Halkias?

  We'll get there.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  But I'm like, now the farm is tight.

• 19:49Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah, dude. Would you, are we talking livestock too?

• 19:52Speaker 02

  No livestock, no, because we got tons of deer and weasels and skunks and raccoons.

• 19:57Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  But we have like a giant farm. Like we have a farm called Blue Goose Farm. And so like that, we have, we grow, you know, it's almost like two acres of vegetable beds. So it's we, our whole backyard is literally just a giant farm, a vegetable farm.

• 20:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking incredible.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:12Stavros Halkias?

  What's the, what's the finest crop you've gotten?

• 20:15Speaker 02

  I think it's like, it's funny, like we're, we grow a lot of vegetables for like chefs and restaurants. And we want to grow like very interesting, robust vegetables. We're not growing like stupid micro herbs and like whack shit. We wanted to grow like, like corrobie and like really beautiful chicories and like all this cool shit.

• 20:34Stavros Halkias?

  How about an eggplant?

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Dude, beautiful eggplant. We got, and we get all of our seeds. We get most of our seeds from Italy. So Keenan's parents, they, they, they, they go to Italy all the time and they always bring back seeds and stuff. And so like a lot of our seeds for our tomatoes, our eggplant, some peppers, all these things, a lot of our chicories and lettuces also are all coming from Italy. And, uh, yeah, but like also like we have this one poly tunnel that is legitimately just filled with sun golds. And so like walking out.

• 21:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  At the, the height of summer and legitimately just grabbing handfuls of like sun gold tomatoes and eating those. And they taste like fucking mangoes or persimmons. And you're just like, this is unreal. Like it is the fucking best.

• 21:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking beautiful. What was the, would you, was there like one little dish as a fat child you made that you were like, I could get into this. You know what I mean? Like, was there a, was there a moment where you were like, did you put something together? Was there like a, you know what I mean? Like, was that?

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Well, it was like one of my, like. My grandfather, he had a restaurant.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, cool.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  So he had a restaurant in Prince Edward Island.

• 21:37Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  And so like, and he lived in like, there was like a little apartment behind it. And it was like an old like diner, home, home style, like full diner. Uh, and they made everything fresh. They made fresh dinner rolls and chowders and it's in maritime. So it is like all fresh seafood, lobster, turkey dinner every day. You know, club sandwiches.

• 21:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  And also there was like a soda pop shop kind of thing. So they had like an ice cream shop and milkshakes. And so like going there, I grew up like very like religious also and, and uh, like grew up Mormon. And so like, we never went. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you, John Smith. John Smith, get the fuck out of here, you crazy dude.

• 22:20Stavros Halkias?

  True, yeah. I mean, I, some of the best.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  But it is.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Best rebel from a over the top, you know what I mean? Like.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:26Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to ex Mormon girls.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 22:28Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty cool.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Soak this.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  I don't have bed sheets.

• 22:35Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get the super soaker out, baby.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. But, but yeah, like it was just like, I think going to my grandfather's restaurant, like every summer, whenever we would go. And he had a Winnebago in the parking lot. So we would like sleep in the Winnebago. Or we would sleep on air mattresses or in the like banquets in the soda pop shop. So we would have to wake up early and just like go outside and play. You know, we would just have to go outside and play.

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  And so like, we would like wake up because they would open like at like seven AM or whatever. And serve breakfast and all that. But like going there, it would be like amazing because we didn't have to, once again, like growing up, not going to restaurants and being like very working class or you know, slightly poor.

• 23:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Eating for free and getting like French fries, gravy.

• 23:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Eating like lobster.

• 23:24Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  And like, we would do these like big lobster boils in the driveway. And like having fresh mussels and all this seafood and go clam digging.

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  And just like all that kind of shit was something where I was just like, I grew up eating all of that stuff in the driveway. And uh, yeah, just like, I think my love of restaurants is. Is very connected just to looking back on it now.

• 23:45Stavros Halkias?

  How could it not be?

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:47Stavros Halkias?

  Escape from like some bullshit, being poor.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Never having like a pop till I'm like thirteen, you know?

• 23:52Stavros Halkias?

  Having to read fucking bullshit.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Not being able to like even see Simpsons till I was like a teenager.

• 23:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Just watching Bambi, like Bambi.

• 24:02Stavros Halkias?

  But they cut out the part where the mom dies.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. They fast forward. Can't watch that.

• 24:07Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking G rated.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  I was only allowed to watch G, PG was crazy.

• 24:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man. I bet you you could have maybe when Jasmine came out in the red, in the red.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Who Framed Roger Rabbit? That was real. That's real.

• 24:20Stavros Halkias?

  Those two for me truly explain my entire, I mean, I've said it before, I think Who Framed Roger Rabbit explains basically my entire life. I watched that and another movie. Fuck, I forgot. I was, I was just on another podcast. We were talking about this. But Who Framed Roger Rabbit and then my mom worked at a Greek restaurant and if I waited Saturday, if I stayed up late. She sometimes came home with leftover calamari and that's when I started watching SNL as a little ass kid, right? Like I'm, this is like, I'm, I was born in eighty nine. This is like truly, I'm four or five years old. And I don't remember if that was the Sandler years or they had just been shit canned, but it was like the Will Ferrell years, whatever.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:59Stavros Halkias?

  Seeing that shit, it's like food, comedy and like, you know, knowing that a woman you love could come back with snacks at the end.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Calamari, a late night calamari?

• 25:09Stavros Halkias?

  Late night calamari.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Being a child watching, yeah, so that's fantastic.

• 25:14Stavros Halkias?

  To this, so that, yeah, that makes a lot of sense where it's like, yeah, that was your fucking escape. So you're like, yeah, restaurants fucking rock.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:21Stavros Halkias?

  I, cause I, the one, I just remember, I have a very, you know, I have a real memory of, of like, uh, being finally being left unattended in the basement where our kitchen was.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:33Stavros Halkias?

  And there was a TV, like a little shitty, you know, like a antenna TV.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:37Stavros Halkias?

  And I could watch like, you know, but it had a VHS.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:39Stavros Halkias?

  So I could watch some, some, well, my parents, cause my mom wanted to raise us strict, but like, you know, they both work jobs. We grew up in Baltimore city, like you just go to your friend's house and watch, you know, pornography. Like, but, but, so when my mom would leave, I would just be like, I remember being like eleven or twelve and having free reign of the kitchen. And just popping in some, you know, watching either like, I watched a lot of, uh, the PJs. Remember that one? The, the claymation Eddie Murphy was so fucking funny. And I remember watching the PJs and making a. A four-decker ham and cheese where I soaked each piece in butter.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  And fried each piece of bread.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  And then I fucking, and then I made a melt on each, and I just kinda fused.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sep- three separate sandwiches with cheese.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:29Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and that to me was like, this is all, that to me was like, fuck yeah dude. And I really, I mean, I have the thing of like, I, my dream is literally having a fucking like greasy spoon someday.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 26:42Stavros Halkias?

  And just work it, you know, sometimes working the grill, but a lot of times being up front.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:48Stavros Halkias?

  How we doing?

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, she's getting so big, knowing everybody in the neighborhood, you know what I mean? Like, to me, that's what I can't wait to maybe like, live on a beach town somewhere and have one of those restaurants and check in with the fucking locals. That's, that's what I'm, I don't know where it's gonna be.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:03Stavros Halkias?

  I have no idea. I don't know.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  I dream of that, like just having a restaurant where I actually cook at it again.

• 27:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  You know, like I, I was like talking to somebody and they're like, so are you sick of restaurants? I'm like, no, I'll never be sick of, I love restaurants more than anything.

• 27:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  But I was just like, I would like, I'm like, like we do have like an Italian restaurant in our hometown now. And so like, we have like Rizzo's House of Parm. And I was like, it's this Italian joint, it's sick and it pumps. And I was just like, I, I kinda wanna just have like a place that makes like chicken wings.

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  And, and like, like cheesesteaks and like, just like something that I could like bang out and have fun. Like, like, you know, tray pizza. And wings and cheesesteaks, like just, you know, like it is like a thing, like I dream about just having great bar food, but like not a bar.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Just open at nine AM.

• 27:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's, I mean, I saw a, a short, a YouTube short of you making the stinger.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:55Stavros Halkias?

  Came up and my dick got hard.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 27:57Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that was unbelie- cause it was like, first of all, you show the, the, the sandwich and it's a cheesesteak plus a buffalo.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:03Stavros Halkias?

  Chicken tender sub, which.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  It's incredible.

• 28:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's innovation. But then I'm like, that's good enough.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  It didn't go together.

• 28:10Stavros Halkias?

  I thought you were gonna like go to a fucking like place and buy the best, and then you fucking get actual chicken breasts. I see you slice that motherfucker up. I'm like, that's the best, like if I had to, if I had to sort of, uh, distill.

• 28:26Stavros Halkias?

  What I'm looking for in everything?

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's the highest end version of dog shit.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's my whole life. That's my low, I love low culture, but I love the best version of it. I love the best shitty action, like the over the top action movies are like, and there is artisanship to making. Now, some people do it, it's a fine line, right? Cause you don't wanna be the, so many fucking dickheads would be, you know, make a cheesesteak and overdo it and be like, it's wag, you know, whatever the fuck.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  You don't need it.

• 28:52Stavros Halkias?

  Or you, you, you get, the bread is like too fancy or the, the, the brioche epidemic that has died, thank God.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:59Stavros Halkias?

  That was destroying burger culture for a while. I mean, those fucking fluffy buttery ass buns. Get the, I'm, I'm eating fucking dessert or I'm eating a burger.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  I don't want a donut. I don't want a donut.

• 29:09Stavros Halkias?

  I want a donut in a different context. You know what I mean? I don't, I, exactly. I do not wanna fucking top my delicious meat with, with a donut. And I'm, I love just doing the platonic ideal.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:21Stavros Halkias?

  Of the, of the things, of the comfort foods that are so near and dear to my heart that, I literally, you see, I was like, that's, that's beautiful. That's symbolic right there.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Dude. Buffalo, Buffalo, New York. I, I think it's like underrated, like food city where it doesn't get a lot of love. But it's also like, they got the stinger. And I'm just like, it, it's, they're not known for cheesesteaks. They're not, they're known for wings, sure. And there is fantastic spots that have real ass wings. Uh, but it is, like that stinger thing is just something that's so unreal.

• 29:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  And I just like making it and then like, I made it at home too. Cause Mac is like, you know, he's, he's 10 and he, he like, he's a big dog. I call him little big dog. So like little big dog, he loves like a burger and like everything. And I made him a chopped cheese and he's just like, this is incredible. And I was just like, dude, check this out. It's chopped cheese, but then we're putting chicken fingers in it. He's like, what is going on? And he's like, dad, make a stinger, make a stinger. But I wanna bring him to, you know, cause like, there's a lot of places and like Jim's Steakout in Buffalo is one of the places that you can go and get like that kinda shit. But it is like, like, I was there recently and I was at a show and there was a gyms across the street. And we all, I was like, let's go get stingers.

• 30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  And we all went and got a stinger and we just fucking ate it. And then, and then you're just like, like you're, you're, you're fucked.

• 30:45Stavros Halkias?

  You're transcended, dude. Yeah. That's the only time I know.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  You're like in the movie The Cell. You're just like, you know, you're Denumfrio in the cell, just fucking.

• 30:53Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. I'm at peace in there. I mean, I've always said the best feeling of all time for me.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:58Stavros Halkias?

  Is the like, anywhere from seven to 20 minutes.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:03Stavros Halkias?

  Before what you've eaten catches up with you.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's the best, but when I've had the most fucked up meal of all time, where it's like, you know, a pizza, you know.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  The best meal of all time.

• 31:16Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, like a real dirtbag fries, like, you know, just when you get that, when you get the appetizer sampler for yourself.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  You know, spinach dip.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  Of cour- yeah.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you don't get that feel, that feeling has to happen on your couch.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:38Stavros Halkias?

  Cause when that feeling happens in a chair, in a restaurant, in a leather chair, that's bad.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  Big, big plastic cup of like, you know, root beer. You know, like Pizza Hut fucking cups.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, the red ones?

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Those are great.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Those are the ones.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Those are fucking awesome.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Those are the ones.

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  But I need that on my couch. Cause like, when it happens in a restaurant, it feels like you just nutted and like, you know, and then you're ashamed. It feels like nutting in your pants at a strip club.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:04Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta get home.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. How am I getting home? I'm scared. I can't hear. Like you, you can't hear at all. You're just like.

• 32:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's like a bomb went off in a world war two movie, right?

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Down, you have no hands?

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  No, no feet in this case.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. The gout's gone. The gout, I got gouted.

• 32:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's fucking awesome, dude. Do you, is that something you like? Cause I feel that way with stand up too, where it's like, you know, I started doing stand up when I was 19 because I loved it and I didn't want to do anything else. And flash forward now, shit's going good, but I feel like I spend like 10% of my time doing stand up and like, you know, I've weirdly become, like, how the fuck did I become a guy who runs a business? How did I become a guy who runs a successful media company?

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, that's my job now and I do, it's not that I resent it because it's fucking awesome and so much cool shit has happened as a result.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:59Stavros Halkias?

  But sometimes I do miss the days of like, all you have to worry about is waking up and doing stand up. Do you feel that way about cooking? Is that how you're, is that where you live?

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I do, like, I was, that's the thing. Like, I recently, I was just like, man, I wish I could just have a restaurant where I could go to it. And I do, like, that's the thing, I'm saying that, I'm like, I'm sure those people at the restaurants being like, anytime you want to come, Matty. You know, like, oh, cool, they're like, you're on Toy Story? Like, I got a text, like, my one chef texted me, he's doing like this, like, dinner, special dinner with the chef from out of town. And like, he's texting me stuff and like texting me a photo of the menu and some, some fucking mise en place. I'm like, oh, man, that's so sick. He's like, what are you doing? And I like send a picture of like me and Joan Cusack. And he's just like, cool.

• 33:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, IO's teaching me a dance?

• 33:42Speaker 02

  I gotta, I gotta get there. I just, I'm on Broadway with Bernthal, watching the Knicks. I'm actually watching the Knicks with Bernie and Evan. We're about to like run through Times Square naked with guns. It's like, we're good, you know, like, fuck.

• 33:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's fucking.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  But it is, like, I do think it is, uh, as you build these things and they're dreams you'd never dreamt.

• 34:04Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  Like, I was just like, I just, like, when everyone's like, did you ever dream of this? And I was just like, no, I never, I was just like, I wanted to be a chef. I wanted to be a chef my whole life. I became a chef when I was like 26. And I, my first restaurant when I was 26. And then like, every, like, it is a crazy thing and now I'm here doing this. And it is this crazy thing where I'm like, yo, this is just opportunity. This is friends. Like, everything, like, everyone's like, how did you even get on the bear? And I'm like, well, Chris was my homie. You know, and he called me because I was friends with Coco, who's a chef, who's his sister. And it is like that thing where I'm just like, everyone, I'm always just like, yo, I didn't like trip and fall on to the, I was like, this is, my whole career is like homie shit.

• 34:44Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  That I was able to get in and like add.

• 34:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  And that's the thing is they're talking about like being good at it and being funny and being like me and.

• 34:53Stavros Halkias?

  Good hang.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, like it's ninety percent of it.

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it's dude.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  It is more than ninety percent of it. It's just like, I'll hang with people that are duds. Be like, my coattails are strong. Just be around, come around, I want you around. You know, like it is one of those things where it is like, I do all these things and even like during the pandemic at the height of like, like, like I started a podcast and then we did the podcast and then I couldn't travel and I was trying to like green screen and be like video and I was like, this isn't it anymore.

• 35:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  And I love two tone and we did this thing and it was fucking amazing, but I was just like, yo, if I can't be there and feel this, like this is the worst.

• 35:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  So then I had to like step away and it, but even during that time, like it's so funny. People think like, people were like, you should like, I'm always told by not comedians. You should do stand up.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  And I'm like, absolutely not.

• 35:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. It's so not worth it. It's like, you have every good part of stand up without having to do the bullshit.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  I'm doing all this stuff comedians do after. You know, I'm like, I don't want to go back.

• 35:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  But it is like one of those things where I just saw this clip and it was like Tracy Morgan was talking about funny versus comedy.

• 35:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  And I was just, I was just like, oh, that like, I never saw that clip before and I'm sure a lot of people have seen that clip or whatever. But I was just like, oh, I've always been, and I watched it. I was like, oh, that's, I'm so happy that I never even tried stand up. Because I was just like, I'm not good at jokes. I'm not good at that.

• 36:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  It would be, but, but there's like, you're incredible at it and it is like, there's so many people that are so fucking good at it. And there are other comedians that when you meet them, they're like, they don't even know how to talk too.

• 36:25Stavros Halkias?

  For sure. Well, that, that's a great, there, there's definitely someone who, people look at it as like technical ability sometimes.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:33Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, you know, that's fine. And there are actually some, there are some really gifted people whose minds just work with jokes.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:39Stavros Halkias?

  And there's, it's almost like a robotic thing and, and that's a cool type of, I respect them comedically, you know, absolutely. And not even some of them, some of them aren't even great performers. They're just such great joke writers. But it, there is a difference in terms of like just, the best skill of all time is just being a good time. Like being a good hang. Cause people, people like that. People want you around. And it's like, that's what, like, you know, I have friends who work in like. If you're just a guy who can make eye contact as a computer programmer.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna get promoted, even if you're a shitty programmer. Cause it's just, people just like hanging out. They're just so much more fun to talk to.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Dude, Jim down the road.

• 37:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Dude, he made eye contact with me? Give him another 10K a year and we're gonna work him.

• 37:25Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent dude. Cause it's like, if he wants you, like, if you can have a drink with somebody and it'd be like a fun experience.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 37:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's big.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Dude, I'm so scared of being around people that suck. I'm so afraid of it.

• 37:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  And I'm always so like, it's like, and a lot of times I'm like not, that's why I'm like, with acting, I turned down 99% of the things that come my way. Cause I'm like.

• 37:48Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, by the way.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:49Stavros Halkias?

  You probably helped me out a couple of times.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  I'm jealous of you. Dude, I gotta, dude, Begonia, I, I just, dude.

• 37:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Fire. And like so incredible. And I think it's like, you're doing it the right way.

• 38:00Stavros Halkias?

  I appreciate it.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  I really like it. Your choices are incredible. Your opportunities are obviously there.

• 38:04Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  It is so fucking sick, but it was so funny. Like, I, I was talking, I was at some award show and like Jesse and Kirsten were there. And.

• 38:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah. I love.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  So.

• 38:14Stavros Halkias?

  They're, they're so awesome.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Jeremy was like talking, well, we were all like smoking.

• 38:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  And I was just like, I love, I think Jesse is incredible.

• 38:23Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, he's so fucking awesome. First of all, I think he's the best actor. I mean.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 38:28Stavros Halkias?

  I think the, in Begonia, you saw the two best actors of their generation. And I think he got completely fucking robbed.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:34Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that he wasn't nominated is so fucking crazy. I think he should have straight up won, but anyway, he's, he's the man. Yeah, yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  He's so sick. But I was just like, it was so funny. Cause I, I legit was just like, I love Friday Night Lights.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, dude.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  And I was just like, and I was like, you kind of remind me, that character always reminded me of my, my younger brother.

• 38:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  And he's like.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  I didn't know if it was like a compliment or whatever. I was just like, whatever. And then I just started and Jeremy like hits me. He's like, that's enough.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Like he's like, you complimented him twice. Shut the fuck up and be cool. Shut the fuck up. But then the thing that was crazy was like, Alicia Silverstone.

• 39:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  She came up and she was just like, big fan. And I was just like, all the, all, all celebrities say big fan.

• 39:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  Which I, I find very funny because I'm always just like, what did you see me? I'm not in anything except for the fucking bear. I'm like, I doubt you washed the bear because everybody hates the bear. So I was just like, what the fuck? Like, what is like, okay. And she's like, I love your cooking videos. And I was just like, what?

• 39:37Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  And I was just like, yeah, Clueless is tight. And I was just like, whatever. But it is fucking, but Jesse and like you being in Begonia was just like, I saw that and I get so stoked because it is like, I love championing people and like being like, dude, that's the fucking shit. Because I know how hard it is.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Like, I also like, what's up with acting? Like, in the, in the sense of like, as like, it's the worst, right? It's the scariest shit.

• 40:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, dude, imagine like you're not like, look, I, my acting training is, I went to an after school program for four months in Baltimore city. Yeah. In sixth grade, I was in the Baltimore School for the Arts twigs program.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah.

• 40:17Stavros Halkias?

  And we, we, in which, that scared me out of acting because you were around kid, like kids who love acting.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:24Stavros Halkias?

  I was around theater kids and literally like, I remember being scared by these girls. I was like, they're too intense. Like, they scared me probably in like a weird psychosexual way where I was like, this energy is, you know, and it's like, I've been, you know, anyway, in any case. And to be like, like when I got offered Begonia, I was like, something, a mistake has happened.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:45Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that I have gotten offered this double check that they meant me.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:50Stavros Halkias?

  It was, was there a different Stavros that Yorgo was trying to get? Was he just, did UTA get the wrong Greek guy on their roster that send them this? But yeah, dude, imagine how fucking crazy it is against, you know, Jesse. All my scenes were with fucking Jesse.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  That's incredible.

• 41:04Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, there's so many fucking great actors on the bear where it must be completely like. You must like, I mean, I feel, I deal with it by just kind of disassociating, knowing my lines, having a take on it, doing good enough that they won't fire me.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:18Stavros Halkias?

  And then just letting the good actors do the, do the work.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Well, that's.

• 41:22Stavros Halkias?

  Being a fun fat guy in the frame.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:24Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, understanding it's also visual.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:27Stavros Halkias?

  They kind of just want a fat guy in the.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Am I just sweating? Am I sweating? Am I sweating too much? I'm always sweating. I'm always sweating, but am I sweating too much?

• 41:35Stavros Halkias?

  Can we miss him? Can we miss Matty?

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. Am I, I just came in from a storm.

• 41:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  But the fucking, it is crazy because it is like, I never, like, I never acted, ever. I never did classes. I still have never done classes. I have no idea. But it is one of those things where, like, I remember the first scene was with me and Jeremy. And I'm, we're standing in front of Ballbreaker and I'm talking about Mortal Kombat and fucking whatever, all this fucking, like, I have like a, like a monologue, a paragraph, you know, like a little fucking thing. And, and we're outside just smoking and, and Jeremy's like, yo, like, let's run it. We're about to go in. Like, let's run it. And I was just like, yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, I'm good.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  And he starts like just doing lines in front of me. And I was just like, wait, what, what?

• 42:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  I was just like, no, like, and then I started like mum, like, the, the Mortal Kombat game is like, it's like the crazy.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  And Jeremy's like, oh, you don't, you don't know your lines.

• 42:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  And I was just like, no, no, I read them. He's just like, and he's like, we're, we're about to go shoot. And I was just like, yeah, but I was like, I was like getting the kitchen ready and I was doing all this other stuff and I was just like, no, I'm gonna like bang it out. We'll find it. We'll find it. And it was one of those things. And then we go in and I like, they're just like, it was the first day of acting, like, and then they're like, action. And I'm just like, huh? So like laughing.

• 42:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  And like Jeremy, he doesn't know me that well.

• 43:00Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  You know, like this is on the pilot. And I was just like, I'm fucking know how to do this. And then I was just like, oh, like, I just like, we'll stop. And like, be like, oh dude, like, well, we'll start again. And everyone's like, Matty, this is not how it goes. My dog.

• 43:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  You gotta fucking figure it out. Like.

• 43:16Stavros Halkias?

  You really think that, what, like, I. I thought you just, oh, you go there, you and the director talk about your motive. All you hear is like, what's my motive? Like, you know, that phrase, what's my motivation is like, it's like in Looney Tunes cartoons. Like, it's like, all I know about acting is what I saw from cartoons, from cartoons, like parodying acting, you know? So I literally thought you would get there and like, talk about shit and man, thank God I did an indie before Begonia.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:44Stavros Halkias?

  Cause like, if I had done that on Begonia, I would have fucking, you know?

• 43:46Speaker 02

  It's a crazy thing. I, I really like, and that's what scares me. Like, it is the scariest thing where I'm showing up in front of other people. It's the most vulnerable thing ever because I'm like, you're the tool.

• 43:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  And then you're like, wait, my tool sucks. I'm like, I got no tools in here.

• 44:01Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a rusty, I'm a rusty ass saw.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Literally, I'm fucking done. I'm broken.

• 44:06Stavros Halkias?

  I stink.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  I show up, yeah, I haven't showered in three days. I'm like, I read the script kinda.

• 44:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  You know, like, it is like one of those things where it's so fucking crazy. But it is amazing, like, I, I love seeing that because a lot of act, like, a lot of comedians get into stuff and like, I'm just like, oh, that's okay. Because I feel the same way. I, I feel like, I feel the same way when I'm like, not that I'm a great actor or anything like that, but it is like, if I was to go into comedy. Like, I would have been like, comedians would have been like, oh, Matty's over here now, fuck out of here, you know, or whatever.

• 44:36Stavros Halkias?

  I know, no, I definitely feel that. I feel really bad for fat actors.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:40Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, the fact that we are working.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  Me, you, Paul Westerhauser.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  Paul's on everything. I did a movie with him recently and he's a sweetheart, but it is a funny thing where I'm just like, is it me or him? Or is it, is it like, who's the new fatties?

• 44:54Stavros Halkias?

  Well, just imagine being a classically trained fat guy.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Oh, dude.

• 44:57Stavros Halkias?

  And you just have to see us be in movies. That's, sorry, guys.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Our socials are so strong, they weigh how bad we are. They're like, you're valuable, you're.

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  No one cares about art anymore, man.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  It's all Elgo. My Elgo's strong. I'm like, dude, why am I on Toy Story? I have no idea. Thank you so much, but I don't, I was just like, I was sitting in that room, be like. Why am I here? They could have asked anybody.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  How did they do that? Did you like, did they do it in person? And or like?

• 45:27Speaker 02

  I did in Buffalo. I just did it in a sound booth. It is like one of those things where it was just like, whatever, my schedule and I can't be in L A. And they're like, oh, we found it. There was like a person from like Pixar's there, though.

• 45:39Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  So like there and then we're just like zoomed up and we got all the directors and everybody's there. And then we just run it. It was like forty five minutes.

• 45:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome, dude.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, but it was still just like.

• 45:49Stavros Halkias?

  I'm ready for scams like that. Voiceover seems like a real fucking scam where it's like, I did a voiceover thing too. And it was the same thing where it's like, oh, this is awesome. I just show up and.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Just read? Go home?

• 45:59Stavros Halkias?

  I did a season of television in an afternoon.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:02Stavros Halkias?

  Nice. Yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  And you're not scared?

• 46:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Like you don't have to.

• 46:06Stavros Halkias?

  I don't have to look at the better actors in the eyes.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  I was like, give me on a cruel show. Like, what's up? You know, like, fuck, man.

• 46:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  I got a nice voice.

• 46:15Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Dude, like it is.

• 46:16Stavros Halkias?

  That does make sense to me, though. I you totally should be in Toy Story because you have a distinctive like, like, you know, I'm sure you're not the fucking main character.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  I'm no, I'm in it for forty five seconds. I mean, like, I'm doing all this every because I was like in the trailer. So everyone's like, dude, you're in the movie. I'm like, I'm in it for forty five seconds. Woody saves me. I'm like, I'm blowing the whistle on big tech. I'm like, it's, it's, I'm in it for a couple of seconds.

• 46:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  But.

• 46:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm happy to hear that it's an anti-big tech.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tablets destroying imagination, you know?

• 46:44Stavros Halkias?

  That is literally true.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 46:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, good, good for Toy Story. Maybe, maybe Toy Story six is a fully communist. It's like it goes, we have, and we have to drink the blood of our tech overlords.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:58Stavros Halkias?

  You know, that would be cool.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  It flips. Now we're just drinking the blood of the tech. We're like, tech one is just T two. We are T one thousands.

• 47:06Stavros Halkias?

  It will be interesting to see what all the, I am really curious about what's going to happen to iPad kids, man. We're about to like, I think the first generation of iPad kids has become adults and you can tell. You can really.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  No one shakes your hand. Nobody looks at you.

• 47:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Everyone's just like, they see the world in Minecraft.

• 47:23Stavros Halkias?

  Nervous, dude, they're so nervous out here, but.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's different. People, you know?

• 47:28Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows?

• 47:29Speaker 02

  I'm happy I was outside.

• 47:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  You know? That's a scary, I mean, you're talking about with your kids, it's like, that's a scary thing about like. You know, what the like they're just the world they know is gonna be so much different. Like this generation of kids is like so, so different, but you know.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  It can be, but it's also like, we don't do like no iPad. Like we've never allowed our children to have iPads inside of our cars. Look out the fucking window.

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Look at the window, be sad.

• 47:54Stavros Halkias?

  Be bored, be sad.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  Be sad, think of something, cause I'm like boredom creates imagination.

• 47:59Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Like that is the greatest tool is boredom.

• 48:01Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  And so it is just like a thing where in like no rush, like going to restaurants with kids and you see like a kid with a fucking thing on with the fucking with the thing. And you're like, everyone's eating steak frites and you're like, what are you doing, dog?

• 48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like some little fucker with fucking headphones, just drinking a bottle. He's way too old.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. Take your headphones off. He's just a shrieking. And you're just like, dude, everyone doesn't have autism.

• 48:26Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 48:27Speaker 02

  Like I'm like, if you just let your kids be kids and just don't let them like, treat it like it is a gift or treat it like it is a thing where I'm like, the second they get home from school, don't let them just jump on it.

• 48:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  Let them play outside for a little bit. Let them unwind outside or like something.

• 48:42Stavros Halkias?

  There's so few outsides. I mean, that's, we're just so fucked where it's like just every, there's no like communal places. There's no like just places to hang. Like I went to an after school rec center, that shit doesn't, people don't really do that shit. They fucking. But anyway, there's something to growing up poor. Cause you're just like, you have, your parents care. It's something they don't care about you. It's just they're too overrun. I guess that's what it is. Like this, that's a lot of iPad kids are just like, I bet you if my parents had, if my mom, there were times when my mom would have gotten that iPad going.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Well, our iPad was just go outside.

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go outside. Don't get molested and go outside.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Do not.

• 49:21Stavros Halkias?

  Do not. Hey.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Dude, I was not allowed to sleep over at people's houses. I was not allowed.

• 49:25Stavros Halkias?

  Me neither. And I think, and sometimes I'm like, did my dad get molested?

• 49:28Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I know.

• 49:29Stavros Halkias?

  Why was he so scared?

• 49:30Speaker 02

  We're protecting you.

• 49:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  There's adults.

• 49:33Stavros Halkias?

  And honestly, probably dude, I feel like that was, it was.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  It was crazy eighties, dude, eighties, you know, pederics.

• 49:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Invented anal.

• 49:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hey, hey, we got out of our system.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 49:44Stavros Halkias?

  We got out of our system.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  I did a video. I did, I did, I forget what the fuck I cooked. I cooked a Greek dish and I forget what the fuck I cooked, but I was like going off on like Greeks inventing like anal. And like the amount of hate. I was just like, I'm getting canceled by Greeks. I was just like, this is incredible.

• 50:00Stavros Halkias?

  They're very proud, we're very proud, cold. They don't want to hear any back sass. They don't want to hear any. And it is very funny because they fetishize ancient Greece. They're like, we were, we were fucking, we had democracy and we, you know, we.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  Fucked our soldiers in the strength.

• 50:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like Alexander the Great was, was had, was in like bisexual throuples.

• 50:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:19Stavros Halkias?

  Like he would, he would pick up a different concubine of a different ethnicity and sex every two weeks.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:25Stavros Halkias?

  Like shit, they, the, you can't love both ancient Greece and not love gay shit.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:30Stavros Halkias?

  Because it's, that's what fueled the empire.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:33Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Blown off steam.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let me hit it. We just, we just conquered the city.

• 50:38Stavros Halkias?

  All right, boys, let's suck each other off.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Let's go. Sixty-nine. Sixty-nine.

• 50:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Get in the fa, get in the, I bet you they had like the, the phalanx or whatever where they have like the, their military.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:52Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, fucking formations.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Formations.

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  I bet you they had some gay sex formations.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:56Stavros Halkias?

  I bet you could, they could drill you.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  But they were so comfortable, they could be so close to hold that pattern.

• 51:01Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. Maybe that's how you held the pa, I tell you.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Hold the pattern.

• 51:04Stavros Halkias?

  In each other. You want to literally, you want, like Legos.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Like one Lego, not so strong. Many Legos, strong. You know?

• 51:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, that's beautiful. If there's any ancient military historians listening, please let us know. Is that right? Is that correct?

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like, were they together together? Were they inside of each other, ready to conquer? The Greeks had a good run.

• 51:27Stavros Halkias?

  I think so. The Spartans were, were even gayer.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's the thing. Everyone thinks Athens was, and it is.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Three hundred?

• 51:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Three hundred dudes.

• 51:35Stavros Halkias?

  They would, yeah.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were having fun.

• 51:37Stavros Halkias?

  That was their body count. That was their male, that was their gay body count.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  They would just feed on each other. It was like, there's no food. Well, give me protein.

• 51:44Stavros Halkias?

  They were literally like, all right, get the women. All right, we had kids, get the women out of here.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:48Stavros Halkias?

  Just the fellows. We're gonna fight and suck each other off.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  I think it's great.

• 51:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, so I mean.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  It's fantastic. We need to get back to that.

• 51:54Stavros Halkias?

  You do see that in today's.

• 51:56Speaker 02

  Everyone needs to be pansexual, you know?

• 51:57Stavros Halkias?

  When you see super jacked gay guys?

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:59Stavros Halkias?

  They're basically just living like Spartans. They're getting jacked and they have no use for women.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  Dude, it's hot.

• 52:04Stavros Halkias?

  I, Spartans would love San Francisco.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 52:07Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's the thing, like, the most conservative, like, shittiest Greek, whatever, you know, violent, they would love being gay as hell. In fact, if they came, that would be a fun.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  Bring back, go back in time or bring back the Spartans, like, all these, like, return.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Imagine being made love to by something like that?

• 52:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:23Speaker 02

  I don't know, you know?

• 52:25Stavros Halkias?

  That is, yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Maybe it's nice. Maybe it's great. Giant, strong man, just taking you.

• 52:32Stavros Halkias?

  Feel secure. I wouldn't want to get fucked, personally.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:36Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think I'd want to get fucked by them, but I, you know, who knows?

• 52:39Speaker 02

  Who knows?

• 52:40Stavros Halkias?

  I can't, you know? I wonder, I wonder what a Spartan woman looked like? Could I go fuck all the women, because they're busy in the barracks?

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:48Stavros Halkias?

  But what are they, so anyway, let's get military historians and also archaeologists.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, we need archaeologists.

• 52:55Stavros Halkias?

  You know how they do, like, the recreation of Jesus and he looks like, you know, just every little brown guy?

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:00Stavros Halkias?

  I would love a recreation of a Spartan woman.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:02Stavros Halkias?

  She's probably busted, but, you know, who knows? Well, they're probably, you know, we'll find out. Again, let us know, guys.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, we want to know. Let us, let us know in the comments. You can just let us know in the comments.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  What do you guys think about what we just talked about?

• 53:17Stavros Halkias?

  What do you guys think about what we just talked about?

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:20Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's time, Matty, to we bring some of the wisdom you've acquired.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:23Stavros Halkias?

  Over, over your, your years on this earth.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 53:26Stavros Halkias?

  To our fanbase. I don't know if you know, we'll take some calls. Uh, we have some voicemails.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  Are they live calls?

• 53:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, they're voicemails.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  I was like, live calls are cool.

• 53:32Stavros Halkias?

  No, you can come back for a live call, man. Next time, you know, I'll, I'll come up to the farm. We'll fucking bring all this, we'll do a live call. Uh, we do live, those are our special, special behind the paywall live calls.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 53:43Stavros Halkias?

  It gets a little, you know, you never know what happens on a live call.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  That's on the Patreon.

• 53:47Stavros Halkias?

  You can't just let that out. You can't just let that out.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:50Stavros Halkias?

  Um, what do we got, little eldest?

• 53:53Speaker 03

  Every family has one. The person who says, "Oh, I don't want anything this year." Cool. Super helpful. Here's the fix. Coop Sleep Goods. It's the rare gift that gets used every single night instead of shoved in a closet by January. Coop's Holiday Gift Guide is now 25% off. Packed with best-selling adjustable pillows, cooling sheets, and toppers. And while you're there, grab one for yourself. I mean, you've been powering through this whole year on fumes. You've earned it. Every order comes with a 100-night trial, so there's no guesswork. Give yourself a damn break. Get 25% off the Holiday Gift Guide for a limited time at coopsleepgoods.com/comedy. That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/comedy.

• 54:38Speaker 04

  Dana, listen, I want to talk to you about something. Every Thursday, you do know that we're hanging out with some of the biggest names in comedy and entertainment, right?

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Are you kidding me? Who's been on this show?

• 54:49Speaker 04

  We have great people, a lot of fun. And Mondays, it's you and I to ourselves. We riff on life, pop culture, clips online, every stupid thing. So, everybody out there, join us Mondays, Thursdays, fly on the wall, wherever you get your podcasts. It's a lot of fun, it's a lot of laughs, and it's a lot of stupidity.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  Hey, Stavi. Long time, first time. Excited to see you here in San Diego. Hey, Stavi. Long time, first time. Excited to see you here in San Diego in two weeks.

• 55:22Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  You'll probably hear this after.

• 55:25Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, that's so funny that I can tell Elders just went to the top of the calls. Yeah. Because we never get to a call. I'm not, I haven't even been, this guy probably just called in, didn't he? Uh, yes. He called in last week. You, you motherfucker, you came in and just took the first 10 calls.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  You didn't listen to any of the good ones. "Hi, I'm going to San Diego in two weeks. I got something really good happening in San Diego."

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Broad sweep to call some good ones.

• 55:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Let's see what we got.

• 55:55Speaker 05

  This after the show here in San Diego and maybe air it after my problem has already come and gone. So here's the story. Uh, me and some old coworkers, there's going to be three to five of us, uh, mixed gender group. Uh, we're all taking a friend group trip to Germany in August.

• 56:15Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 56:15Speaker 05

  Uh, the thing is I have a crush on one of the friends that I'm going with. Um, and I would like to ask her out, uh, and put some romantic energy between us. Um, but I don't want to do that and have her not be interested in me. And then all of a sudden on the trip with all the friends, there's like, I've injected weird energy into the group. Um, I'm fine being rejected. Uh, so right now, I guess my, uh, idea is that I'll just ask towards the tail end of the trip while we're in Germany. Or, uh, I'll ask afterwards.

• 56:55Speaker 05

  Um, the only thing I guess I'm really worried about is like, is there a point where I wait too long and the window closes? And, uh, you know, there's no chance of introducing some romantic chemistry between us. Uh, so let me know what you think. Uh, excited to say hello. Uh, cheers.

• 57:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 57:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  This is so nice.

• 57:20Stavros Halkias?

  It is. It is. Yeah, yeah. It's cute. It is. This is a cute guy.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  This guy is a virgin.

• 57:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  So he's, he's.

• 57:27Stavros Halkias?

  He does sound, I mean, I, I'm sure he's maybe fucked once or twice, but yes, he is. He absolutely has, this feels like high school to me.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:35Stavros Halkias?

  This feels like, you know, you have a crush on a girl over time. It's almost like it is.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  It's a coworker, so.

• 57:41Stavros Halkias?

  And romantic and a little, it's quaint in a way. The coworker thing is, you know.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  You know, just call your HR consultant, ask them.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Right off the top.

• 57:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look. I think the more you stew on something like this, the more you build it up, the more it is getting weirder, the more. And when you're talking about injecting romantic, whatever, it's like, it's either there or it's not, right?

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:05Stavros Halkias?

  And so, I don't know, man. I think like. I mean, this is gonna come out probably, oh, actually, it's gonna come out by the end of the month.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  It'll have time, yeah.

• 58:14Stavros Halkias?

  This is the weird, this is the rare time we'll actually directly possibly help somebody.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:20Stavros Halkias?

  I think, and not just use their, their pain for fodder for our, for our podcast.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:26Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, to me, every time I've been in a situation like this, whatever, the quicker, the better.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:32Stavros Halkias?

  The quicker, the better. If you feel, because the quicker, it's just a little hunch of like, huh, I kinda like this person. And when you ask someone out with that energy, it does feel like just a little casual, like, oh, this isn't a big deal. But the more you build it up, the more you're like, oh, fuck, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, maybe, whatever. It's like, the more she'll be able to sense how much it means to you. Whereas like, if you just hit it off with a cute girl somewhere, and you're like, hey, would you like to go grab a drink or something after work? Like, and she says no, it's really not a big deal at all. The more you build it up and, you know.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  And also, like, if you, you know, if you're a coworker, whatever, but it's like, if you genuinely like this person, and you have zero feelings that, like, if you're not aware enough to see, like, they aren't interested in you at all, in a weird way, like, have you had a moment? Have you gotten close to each other? Have you had already something? Do you have an inkling that they actually like you in that way?

• 59:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Then if they don't, and he's just being completely naive, and he's becoming obsessive, because that, like, it is, like, if there isn't, like, if there isn't energy, then it's just you thinking about this person.

• 59:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  And then you, you begin, like, beginning of your trip, at the, at the end of your trip? It'll be the, like, if it doesn't happen on your trip, then it ain't happening.

• 1:00:00Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Like, that's the thing, I'm like, also, like, just be, be cool and have a moment when the moment, how you can, if you can't construct a way to get this person to have attention in a way that makes them like you more, try that first, like, create yourself to be attractive, like, you know, mentally. Like make them laugh, make them do it. Like, how do they see you?

• 1:00:22Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  You know, and it's just like, I don't know. Wait till the very end. Wait till you're about to get on the plane and be like, can we go on a date when we get home? We just went to Germany. It was really good. Like, what's that? That's even weirder.

• 1:00:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, I think that you kind of have two options here where it's like, A, I think if you, if you feel something, you ask someone out in a very casual way and then there's no, then you absolutely know where you stand.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:48Stavros Halkias?

  She says, she says, no, great. She says, yes, great. She says, hey, you know, I like you as a friend. I just, I still like to be friends. Uh, but I don't like you that way. Great. Uh, or the other option is kind of like, i- is a higher difficulty thing in my opinion, which is like, you're kind of trying to get her, you're, you're sort of slow playing, trying to create some attraction, trying to like, I'm going to say wear her down, but that sounds way more negative than it is, but it's like, you know, I remember this because this is how I got my first girlfriend. I was a coward. Who slowly put himself out. I, you, you almost microdose asking a girl out.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Stavros Halkias?

  When you're like, when you do something like, oh, we have a little moment. I'm funny. I, I noticed this laugh. I know whatever. That can work, but the toll it takes on you, I think is too much. And that's why I think like, and also it's a high degree of difficulty, being like a Casanova who picks just the right moment. You're so much better off, in my opinion, casually asking her out and, and also being like, because I also was in a situation where like I, you know, there was somebody who was like, let's say a colleague and I was very, I was like, listen. I like, you know, I've been feeling like it's, I've had a li- a nice time talking to you. Um, would you like to, you know, would you like to hang out sometime? And I got like a, yeah, we can hang out. And I had to be like,

• 1:02:12Stavros Halkias?

  I want to be very clear, I'm trying to hang out with you in a, would you like to go on a date?

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want it like, we can be, and that's when I was even like, we can be, if you're not interested, we can be friends, we can hang out in that way.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  But I want you to know, I see you in this way, if you're interested in that.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Stavros Halkias?

  And that was the first time I ever tried like, almost, almost just super direct.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and so that's worked for me, you know, when I've just been direct like that.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Stavros Halkias?

  It works, or you just get a, or you just stop thinking about the person.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:42Stavros Halkias?

  She doesn't like me, great.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:43Stavros Halkias?

  I'll find somebody else. So that, I think, I think that's what you have to do personally, be very direct, but also casual, just like, hey, I'd love to go grab a drink, whatever, go like, I would love to even like, even more casual, I'd go get fucking coffee, just hang out outside of work in a first date context.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Stavros Halkias?

  And make it very clear, if you're not, if you don't, if you're not interested in that, truly no big deal, I still value as a friend, as a coworker, and I'm still, you know, looking forward to it. And then, you know, you just live your life that way.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe you're, yeah, you're literally going on a vacation.

• 1:03:15Stavros Halkias?

  And that's the other thing, when, I will say, I've also had situations where I've just asked girls out directly where, uh, like, when I was younger, when I was first, kind of like, oh, let me just ask for what I want.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:03:28Stavros Halkias?

  There's been situations where they say no, but I have put myself in their mind as somebody who's a romantic.

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  They could come back.

• 1:03:35Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, sometimes, and sometimes people do see you as a friend, are kind of surprised that you feel that way.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:03:42Stavros Halkias?

  Knee jerk, reject it, and then think about it, like, hey, I do kind of get, you know what I mean?

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:47Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm not saying count on that, but I'm just saying, you are so much better off in life in general, when you're just honest about what you want. When you're honest about what you want, and clear and communicative, you will get it so much more than if you like, try and put together a scheme, and you're, you're fucking Googling most romantic spots in Dusseldorf to take her to. You know what I mean? Like.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  Schnitzel, we're getting a Friday ham hock.

• 1:04:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, which schnitzel, which schnitzel is a fucking aphrodisiac, you know what I mean?

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  We're gonna drink 400 beers, we're gonna drink 400 beers.

• 1:04:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  And then I'll talk to her after that.

• 1:04:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Uh, let me get my fucking later hosen on.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Stavros Halkias?

  Um, that's my general advice. Because you know, it's just, because I've been, I have been in both. And both have worked for me, but I will say, it was, I felt a lot better when I just asked a girl out that I like. I think that's nice. You know, but yeah, you need to free yourself, because this is cowardice, truly. This is like, coming up with the perfect, with the perfect moment is a lie to yourself. Because you don't, you don't think you are good enough to get this girl. So you're trying to build yourself up and, and kind of present a perfect moment that, and you are good enough for who, maybe not for her, but you're good enough for somebody. And the clo- the quicker you just fucking ask them, the quicker you'll find that person, in my opinion.

• 1:05:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice. Speaking, you know, as a, as a reformed, as a reformed incel in my youth, I can give you this information. So good luck, I'm rooting for you. And listen, maybe you don't date her, maybe you date somebody else. But still, you can have a nice time in Germany either way. What else we got, Eldis? Oh, fuck, what the hell? Shit, dude. Holy fuck, what's going on?

• 1:05:37Stavros Halkias?

  We got it now! Oh no! It's time to keep it twisted. That's right, it's the motherfucking ass fucked up question of the week. Brought to you by the little fuckers at Twisted Tea.

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. The Twisted Zone? So close to the 4th of July? When I want to jump in the pool and slurp down these delicious 5% by volume? Brewed with real iced tea delights? Wow, this makes me want to eat a hot dog as the 4th of July is coming near. I can't wait to drink these on the 4th of July.

• 1:06:16Stavros Halkias?

  These will go down smooth on the 4th of July. Like they always do, but they'll be extra smooth on the 4th of July. Mmm, I can't wait to wash down a couple Glizzarinos with the Twisted Tea Party Pack. Yeah, I'm gonna be drinking the Rocket Pop, which is only available in the party pack. And I'm gonna be doing it on the 4th of July. 5% per volume, just right. Mmm, Twisted Tea is good, and also brewed with real iced tea.

• 1:06:44Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got this week, Eldis? What's the twisted ass fucked up ass motherfucking question of the week?

• 1:06:52Speaker 06

  Hey, stop. Hey, Eldis. Hey, guest. Uh, so I'm calling about my buddy.

• 1:06:58Stavros Halkias?

  About what?

• 1:06:59Speaker 06

  He found out that his girlfriend of, they've been together, I think, like four years.

• 1:07:05Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:05Speaker 06

  He found out that she was cheating on him, I guess. I don't know if it's cheating. It is, but it isn't. But she was talking to dudes online and she had met up with a couple of them for coffee.

• 1:07:21Stavros Halkias?

  Met up?

• 1:07:22Speaker 06

  And there was supposed to be like a sugar arrangement thing, I guess, is what he was saying.

• 1:07:27Stavros Halkias?

  Sugar?

• 1:07:28Speaker 06

  So, whatever, whatever. Long song, short.

• 1:07:31Stavros Halkias?

  This poor cocksucker's parroting back her talking points to his friend? Well, it was coffee and it was gonna be a sugar. So he's so toast. She's lying to your friend. That's the boyfriend?

• 1:07:46Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. My buddy. You know, she was saying there's a sugar thing. There was a couple lattes. I don't know. She came home with a new purse. Yeah. If your girl starts getting her fucking nails done, she's got fucking Louboutins on, brother. Yeah. There's been an arrangement, but keep going, Eldis.

• 1:08:05Speaker 06

  Finding one of the dudes that she was talking to and he, like she was talking up, finding one of the dudes that she was talking to and he started messaging him as her from a second.

• 1:08:22Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 1:08:23Speaker 06

  Profile.

• 1:08:24Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is getting cucked on a crazy level. Not, is it, it's not enough to get cucked in the cuck chair. He's like, he's got VR goggles, watching his girlfriend get fucked. He's pretending to be her and getting fucked by this guy. That's fucking insane. He's like, do you like it the way I suck your dick?

• 1:08:43Stavros Halkias?

  Do you like it?

• 1:08:46Stavros Halkias?

  Man, the way he fucked me last night was so tight. That was awesome, right? When we had intercourse outside of my, uh, loving relationship?

• 1:08:55Stavros Halkias?

  Go ahead.

• 1:08:56Speaker 06

  And he said like, oh, hey, my boyfriend found my old profile, so I had to delete it.

• 1:09:03Stavros Halkias?

  Smart.

• 1:09:03Speaker 06

  So I'm talking to you on this one.

• 1:09:05Stavros Halkias?

  I'm catfishing.

• 1:09:07Speaker 06

  And he has been getting this dude to send him money.

• 1:09:13Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, respect, actually. Keep it twisted. Your friend is keeping it all the way the motherfucker twisted and we respect him for that. Keep going. Sets up a different Venmo? Yeah. True.

• 1:09:26Stavros Halkias?

  Suzie sixty-nine.

• 1:09:30Speaker 06

  And he is now using that money to take the same girlfriend out on dates and on trips and stuff.

• 1:09:39Stavros Halkias?

  What? Now I'm pissed. Now I'm pissed off.

• 1:09:43Speaker 06

  Twenty-five hundred dollars off this dude.

• 1:09:45Stavros Halkias?

  Respect. Trips for twenty-five hundred bucks?

• 1:09:48Speaker 06

  I just like, should, should I tell him to stop? Like, is it bad that he's doing this? I don't know. Nah. He doesn't see an issue with it. He says it's weird. Because he has to say sexual shit to this dude.

• 1:10:04Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, he's sexting him?

• 1:10:06Speaker 06

  He's been making a lot of money.

• 1:10:07Stavros Halkias?

  Did he say his dick's weird? Is he shooting dick pics?

• 1:10:11Speaker 06

  Thanks, Doc.

• 1:10:11Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. Did he say it's weird because he's saying sexual stuff?

• 1:10:15Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:10:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes. Oh, I thought he said he saw dick pics and he said it's weird. For all we know, he might be looking at this guy's weird cock. Now, here's where I have a problem with it. I, um, taking money from the guy who possibly cucked. Now, did the guy fuck your girlfriend or not? If they had a potential arrangement and he didn't fuck? Now, this is where I get, this is villager brain, right? Yeah. Where I'm like, if he fucked my girl, I'll steal from him. That's honestly how I feel. I, but where it pisses me off is to then give the money to the girl? Buy yourself a fucking pinball machine, dude. You know what I mean? Like, come on, you got cucked. Go to an escape room and just have fun. Take the fellas to pin but the fucking paintball dude.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude. But I also, I'm like, dude, you should actually be like, hey, why don't we start doing this as a team?

• 1:11:08Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh scamming.

• 1:11:09Speaker 02

  Be like, this is kinda making me a little kinda horny doing this. Let's just start scamming dudes. You can fuck him a little bit.

• 1:11:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  I guess, I guess that's just pimping.

• 1:11:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess that's just, that's e-pimping yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:11:25Stavros Halkias?

  Using your girlfriend as an avatar for online prostitution.

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  That is so crazy. I guess that hap- I guarantee that that happens a lot. Just straight catfishing and like talking to lonely guys and getting money.

• 1:11:38Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. Apparently a lot of OnlyFans girls, I think, hire.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  Dudes to talk.

• 1:11:42Stavros Halkias?

  Message, yeah.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Stavros Halkias?

  Now, what is the ethics of this? I mean, he's keeping it twisted for sure.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:11:51Stavros Halkias?

  He's keeping it all the way twisted. I guess my thing is since we're in a twisted zone where we don't have, cause logic here, the, the untwisted logic is break up with this woman. Like she cheated.

• 1:12:07Speaker 02

  It's unhealthy. Whatever's happening is very.

• 1:12:08Stavros Halkias?

  She cheated on you behind your back. And she's probably lying.

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:11Stavros Halkias?

  And this woman has turned your friend insane, right? Like the, the untwisted logic is break up, go to therapy.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:21Stavros Halkias?

  Think about why you enjoyed catfishing a man as your girlfriend.

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  For 2,500 bucks.

• 1:12:26Stavros Halkias?

  For 2,500. And then think about why you then brought the money back. How, how low is this guy's self-esteem?

• 1:12:31Speaker 02

  It's low.

• 1:12:32Stavros Halkias?

  Where he is taking money from a guy who might have fucked his girlfriend to buy his girlfriend stuff? That's how little you believe.

• 1:12:39Speaker 02

  Just going to Cracker Barrel?

• 1:12:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:43Stavros Halkias?

  That would be better. Having pancakes on his dime, I respect more than fucking buying your girl tennis bracelets with it. But I would say. So the untwisted logic is break up with her, stop doing this. It's immoral, it's unethical, it's doing something wrong to his psyche. The twisted logic is find out if she fucked this guy. If she did, stop giving her his money, keep it for yourself, buy a, you know,

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  Save up.

• 1:13:12Stavros Halkias?

  Save up.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  And then, yeah, buy, like, get another apartment.

• 1:13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Get a secondary apartment, then get that person, set up a full scandal, a sting operation. Get the guy to come, get her to come.

• 1:13:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Machine gun.

• 1:13:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Full twisted.

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  That would be too twisted. I think murdering them is too twisted.

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  Don't murder.

• 1:13:36Stavros Halkias?

  But you could.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  Don't murder.

• 1:13:39Stavros Halkias?

  And you're just over the line.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:13:41Stavros Halkias?

  I think, yeah.

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  No murder.

• 1:13:42Stavros Halkias?

  No murder, but here's what I think, I think, keep his money, buy yourself an excellent twisted tea party pack for the summer. It's the only place you can get the new lemonade and rocket pop flavor, which I was drinking when the Knicks won the championship this year. So that's, I would say, save the money, put some of it towards, you know, open an LLC, use the money to start drop shipping.

• 1:14:10Stavros Halkias?

  Buy a, buy a corset Hustler's University. No, just, just like untwisted, break up, go to therapy. Keep it just the right amount of twisted and stop buying her stuff and buy yourself stuff. Man, this guy might be, this guy might be some kind of pay pig who, if he found out it's a guy pretending, he might even like it more.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows? There's some fucking freaks out there, you know? So I would, so those are your two options.

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:38Stavros Halkias?

  Keep it twisted, keep it untwisted. Either way, you and your pals should, you know, go outside on the balcony and crack open a couple ice cold twisted teas. I think we can all agree on that. What do you say, Aldous?

• 1:14:50Speaker 02

  Keep it twisted.

• 1:14:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's right. Oh, fuck, oh, shit, we're exiting the twisted zone.

• 1:14:58Stavros Halkias?

  And we're back.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  I like that.

• 1:15:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we have pretty high production value here. Thanks, man.

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 1:15:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of CG when, the people at home don't know, but a lot of CGI went into that. I wasn't even wearing a hat. We put that in in post.

• 1:15:16Speaker 02

  Say hi.

• 1:15:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. What else we got, LD?

• 1:15:19Speaker 07

  Hey, Stavie, so getting straight to it.

• 1:15:23Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:15:23Speaker 07

  I have a wide set vagina and I'm wondering, can I have a satisfying sex life with an average sized dick man?

• 1:15:32Stavros Halkias?

  And why are you asking me?

• 1:15:33Speaker 07

  Now, I came to this understanding because...

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, us too.

• 1:15:36Stavros Halkias?

  Why, why? Yeah, maybe me, if me and Matty put both our dicks in your pussy, maybe, maybe something could work there.

• 1:15:42Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 1:15:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's like when you're out of hot dog buns.

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:47Stavros Halkias?

  So you put two hot dogs in the fucking, in the hamburger bun?

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's it, that's it. That's true.

• 1:15:53Speaker 07

  Well, I came to this understanding because my ex, on two separate occasions, had told me my pussy was loose.

• 1:16:01Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:02Speaker 07

  Now I've been single for three and a half years and there's a man looking to take me out on a date with the intention of potentially being serious.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:12Speaker 07

  And I'm hesitant because I've had sex with this man before and his dick was average size.

• 1:16:19Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:20Speaker 07

  And there's nothing wrong with that, absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, as a woman with a wide set vagina, I'm thinking for the both of us. I myself want dick fat, girthy dick to fill up my walls.

• 1:16:35Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, chill.

• 1:16:35Speaker 07

  And I want my partner to feel like his dick's being gripped. I never want to hear I have loose pussy ever fucking again from my partner.

• 1:16:44Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:16:45Speaker 07

  And what if things go well? Um, what if we end up in a long-term relationship?

• 1:16:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:51Speaker 07

  Will the two of us feel satisfied? Will we feel like stepping out of our relationship? Um...

• 1:16:57Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. Is my, is the guy who I fucked but might be serious dick too small for me to ever love him? Is rea, is your question?

• 1:17:09Stavros Halkias?

  Would I be forced to cheat in some imagined future because this guy's dick is too small?

• 1:17:17Speaker 02

  Dudes and dudes are the same, man.

• 1:17:19Stavros Halkias?

  This woman's got great PR. This girl must work in PR or something. Like, she's phrasing these heinous statements very, very, under the guise of dual concern for both of you.

• 1:17:30Speaker 02

  I know. She is thinking about both sides.

• 1:17:32Stavros Halkias?

  And I do, you know what, I'm shitting on you, as is the thing, but this is actually, it's important to think through all, you know, everything here. So, I mean, people do under, people do under, like, value, I mean, look, sex is, whenever you see a couple and you're like, "How the fuck are they together?" And it doesn't make any sense, they are fucking so good.

• 1:17:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:53Stavros Halkias?

  That, that can paper over

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:55Stavros Halkias?

  so many problems in a relationship. If people fuck good and they have a good sex life. So, I get where you're coming from here. Um, is there any more, Eldis?

• 1:18:04Speaker 07

  Am I thinking too narrowly? Like, are there workarounds around this?

• 1:18:08Stavros Halkias?

  Workarounds? Yeah, give him a condom and put a little lunch meat on the sides. Fill up a magnum with fucking deli ham. What workarounds do you want? His dick is his dick.

• 1:18:20Speaker 07

  That I might have with a man I sleep with and his dick is not girthy.

• 1:18:27Speaker 07

  I don't know. Let me know.

• 1:18:29Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. Yeah, I mean, look, what, you have, do you want to jump in? Do you have any thoughts? I have some thoughts as well, but...

• 1:18:36Speaker 02

  I just think that you should be honest with yourself and I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would be very compatible with hogs.

• 1:18:44Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  Just like, big, heavy.

• 1:18:46Stavros Halkias?

  What are your brothers up to?

• 1:18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:47Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe they can run a train on her.

• 1:18:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Call Beav and Griz.

• 1:18:54Speaker 02

  Get Beav and Griz over here. The fucking, uh, yeah, I don't know. I think it's one of those things where I'm just like, bro, like that, it's just like, I like funny guys. I like, you know, I want a bald guy. I want a fucking, you know, I like a fat guy with a hog. I like a skinny guy with a hog.

• 1:19:10Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:19:11Speaker 02

  I think the hog needs to be a part of it.

• 1:19:13Stavros Halkias?

  The hog is a part of it.

• 1:19:13Speaker 02

  I think you just need to be, like, if that's, if, if your body is set up to a place where, like, You want to be fulfilled? You need to find a guy that you like. Personality is second, but I'm sure there is a personality type with a fucking.

• 1:19:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:19:26Speaker 02

  You know, there's more guys with hogs than not.

• 1:19:29Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Obviously, in my mind.

• 1:19:30Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's just.

• 1:19:31Speaker 02

  Everyone has one.

• 1:19:32Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's just.

• 1:19:32Speaker 02

  Everyone has one except for me. Every single dude has a hog.

• 1:19:36Stavros Halkias?

  Elders dick is small. Don't worry about that.

• 1:19:38Speaker 02

  Okay, Bradley has a hog for sure.

• 1:19:40Stavros Halkias?

  Bradley's hogged up. Nice.

• 1:19:41Speaker 02

  He's fine.

• 1:19:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. You see that? You see the?

• 1:19:47Stavros Halkias?

  The quiet confidence of a man with a hog.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, see?

• 1:19:50Stavros Halkias?

  We're over here just be like hog, hog.

• 1:19:54Stavros Halkias?

  To them, it's uncouth.

• 1:19:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:19:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's how rich people don't want to talk about money.

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:19:58Stavros Halkias?

  Guys with big dicks never want to talk about dick size.

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  Politics, money.

• 1:20:01Stavros Halkias?

  They don't want to be taxed. They don't want their dick size. We need to be, we need to redistribute dick inches. The top 1% of dicks have been holding on for too long. Uh, look, I think there's a couple of things going on here. Number one, your ex was rude to you, right?

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:17Stavros Halkias?

  Telling your girlfriend her pussy's loose.

• 1:20:20Speaker 02

  That's crazy. That is crazy. That is a crazy thing to say.

• 1:20:23Stavros Halkias?

  Even a one night stand, even if you encounter someone with, that'd be like if a, if a woman told, said your dick is so tight. It's like, look.

• 1:20:30Speaker 02

  Men's obsession with, with, with like these like tight little vaginas freaks me out.

• 1:20:36Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, sure, sure. It's all, yeah. I also think, is he even right? Does he even know? Do you like, have you just taken this man's word for gospel here? Why don't you get some calipers out?

• 1:20:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:48Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Go to the foot locker. Get the thing where you put, you measure your foot.

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:51Stavros Halkias?

  Put that in your pussy. If that can fit in your, if that whole thing fits in your pussy, it is big.

• 1:20:57Speaker 02

  Well, also, there's so many ways to pleasure somebody. I don't understand. Like even like just straight fucking is like so minimal in fucking.

• 1:21:03Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the thing. I would say number one, you have some.

• 1:21:07Speaker 02

  You got hands, fingers, feet.

• 1:21:08Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure. Put a big toe in there.

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:11Stavros Halkias?

  I think she has some body image issues about her vagina because of a rude comment from an ex.

• 1:21:18Speaker 02

  That's not nice.

• 1:21:18Stavros Halkias?

  I would say number one, medically figure out, literally ask your fucking gynecologist, you know, whatever, figure something out. Figure out if this is even true, number one. Number two, let's say you do or don't, whatever, is, it's not about a guy with a girthy dick. I think it's about, you've already fucked this guy. You want to go out with him.

• 1:21:42Stavros Halkias?

  You know if, I think you're looking at it the wrong way. It's like, see if your compatibility with this guy. It's not about some mythical dick, or some mythical future. It's like, are you sexually compatible with this guy? Do you like him? There's nothing wrong with giving it a whirl, even though his shit is fucking small, or whatever.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  Also, just like work it out. Find a way. Get a strap on. Do something. Like fucking, I think there's a lot of things that you can do. Take a Rhino 24K.

• 1:22:09Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  Just boost it up.

• 1:22:10Stavros Halkias?

  I know. Depending on who the sponsors are for this episode. Go to that site and get a tablet and use promo code STAVI. We don't, we're not sure who it is, if it is anybody this, but you know, you know what I'm talking about.

• 1:22:24Stavros Halkias?

  But you've realized that, because there's also, you made the great point about there's other stuff. And I've been with, I've been with girls who like, they penetrate of intercourse is their thing. Other ones like, they like getting eaten out, getting, you know, finger popped, whatever. You might just be someone that needs to get pounded. That's okay. That's okay. The reality is, you have to be honest with yourself, right? Don't worry about what we have to say. You have to be honest. What do you really like? And by the way, you might, this guy might just not be laying it down. You might find someone with, for whatever reason, you know, hormonal pheromones, whatever the fuck. Maybe he knows how to finger, whatever the fuck. Maybe his shit is small but shaped just right. You might find someone that's, you know, so I think,

• 1:23:07Stavros Halkias?

  just, I don't think, what's the use in making a blanket statement, I guess, is the point? When all it comes down to is an individual person? You know, I guess she's already fucked him. Go out on a date, see if you like him, see if the sex is good. You know, if it is, great. If it's not, break up and keep looking. But you need to be, don't ask us. We don't fucking know. We don't have your big pussy. You do. You tell us what that fucking, what that monster needs.

• 1:23:37Stavros Halkias?

  We can't tell you.

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:38Stavros Halkias?

  So that's, that is my, but there's nothing wrong with, I think she's basically looking for permission from someone with a little dick to be like, go fuck a guy with a big dick. Because you know what? We don't, that would actually, I would appreciate that if, if the big pussied and the big cocked. Went somewhere together.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're over there.

• 1:23:56Stavros Halkias?

  They're over there. You leave us with the little pussy ladies at like a nice five, five and some change.

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  There's somebody for everybody. There's, you know, there's a doorknob for every hand.

• 1:24:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:24:08Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:24:09Stavros Halkias?

  So you have permission from us to be a size queen if that's what you're looking for.

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever makes you happy, but also don't discount someone solely on cock size. That's cock sized discrimination. If you like somebody and you're vibing, give it a whirl. If it doesn't work, move on. That's all I'm saying.

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:28Stavros Halkias?

  But you know.

• 1:24:28Speaker 02

  And don't comment like, yeah.

• 1:24:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't.

• 1:24:31Stavros Halkias?

  Don't let him know his dick's tiny. Don't, don't tell him his shit's puny when he's fucking you.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Or just, yeah.

• 1:24:37Stavros Halkias?

  He's moving side, he's fucking like circular.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  Hit the walls.

• 1:24:41Stavros Halkias?

  He's like a guy who can't ice skate. He's just sticking to the rim.

• 1:24:48Stavros Halkias?

  Holding on to the walls.

• 1:24:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:52Stavros Halkias?

  Sometimes I think I should have written poetry, you know?

• 1:24:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:24:58Speaker 02

  Very good.

• 1:24:59Stavros Halkias?

  The ice rink about some girl with a huge pussy.

• 1:25:04Stavros Halkias?

  Give us another one, little LD.

• 1:25:07Speaker 05

  Hey, Stav, eldest guest, big fan. So I am a streamer on Twitch and TikTok, small time streamer.

• 1:25:21Speaker 05

  I play mainly indie horror games, scary games, shit like that.

• 1:25:28Speaker 05

  But and I'll get anywhere, I average anywhere from like 10 to 30 people watching normally.

• 1:25:35Stavros Halkias?

  It's honestly not bad for streaming.

• 1:25:37Speaker 05

  But about once a month, I will go full cosplay of a certain political figure, current political figure. That is pretty easy to impersonate and.

• 1:25:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no, that was scary. He's doing the shittiest job you ever heard in your life and like reacting to zombies.

• 1:25:58Speaker 05

  Go two to three hour stream and character and everything. And when I do that, I notice I get anywhere from like a hundred people watching to 1,200 people watching.

• 1:26:10Stavros Halkias?

  You don't want to be this fucking guy.

• 1:26:12Speaker 05

  Fair amount of followers from that and.

• 1:26:19Speaker 05

  So I guess my predicament is, um, you know, I'm kind of wondering, do I keep doing those streams as

• 1:26:30Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:26:30Speaker 05

  this political figure, um, that gets me a, a, a solid amount of followers every time I do it. I only get, you know, two to three people that'll come to my normal streams, you know?

• 1:26:46Stavros Halkias?

  So what's the point?

• 1:26:48Speaker 05

  Is it worth it to keep doing that and still get, you know, a few people that trickle into the normal streams?

• 1:26:55Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:26:55Speaker 05

  Or do I stick to my normal streams and just try to get a loyal fan base from that? I guess. I don't necessarily want to be known as the guy who dresses up as the character.

• 1:27:12Stavros Halkias?

  This guy has to fucking so bad, like laughing, but I'm just like, this bro's dying over here. Being like, I need to call Stavi. I got about 10 guys watching me. If I do Trump, I get about 100 to 1200. Yeah, yeah. Do I keep doing this? Dude, it's like, we're cooked. Yeah, and he has to do, it's like, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're like a, a woman, you have to do sex work. If you're a man, you have to fucking pretend to be Donald Trump and play fucking Resident Evil to make money.

• 1:27:44Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 1:27:45Stavros Halkias?

  Truly, we're so, this is insane. But look, here's my advice to you generally, like,

• 1:27:51Stavros Halkias?

  you don't have to ju, look, you don't want to be the guy who fucking does Trump, you know, whatever, right? Like, none of that, you said it yourself, one or two people tops come to your actual streams. I knew a comedian who was like, had some heat during the first Trump administration, and I happened to be doing a gig with him, um, like, when Biden was elected, I think. And people were coming up to him, they were like, huh, it's been fun following you, man. Like, it was like, you're the Trump guy to us. That's all you'll ever be to these people, right? And the guy was a talented comic, he was an interesting guy, you know, whatever, but when you paint yourself- Self into and by the way, it's not just obviously Trump's a piece of shit and he's a you know, he should be in jail and we fucking hate him on this podcast.

• 1:28:35Stavros Halkias?

  But that's not even what we're talking and a pedophile, by the way, he's best friends with Epstein. You know, a lot of cool stuff, light work, you know, a lot of cool stuff. And but it's not even that. It's like you see it all the time with, I mean, art and entertainment in general right now. Where people try a bunch of different things on Tik Tok or whatever. And then they have like, you know, uh, they'll do like a character. It's like the horny lunch lady. And that goes viral and then every fucking video from then on is like, oh, these sloppy Joes are making my pussy wet. You know, like, you don't want to fucking be the guy who orders hairnets for the rest of his life. Cause the algorithm told you it was good. That's the antithesis of art. We're all fucked.

• 1:29:19Stavros Halkias?

  I've gone through it. I mean, I stopped. You know how many people, if I, I could be, I could be doing Baltimore fucking Ronnie. Like those videos, those, I do these Ravens videos and I've had to stop doing them because that's all certain people. That's all they know me about. And I didn't because I love the Ravens and I love making fun of where I'm from. And when there's, and I'll probably, I don't, I'm not going to do them regularly anymore. Maybe I'll do them in the playoffs. Maybe I'll do them, whatever. But it's just like, if I did that and I kept, and I stopped posting crowd work clips for that reason, the algorithm loved it, but I felt like, you know, it helped me get my first special out there and help me build a following. But I did what I needed to do with that and I don't want people to know me just from crowd work. So it's like,

• 1:29:59Stavros Halkias?

  I've stopped and yeah, my social media following did slow down because I've been working on art. I actually give a fuck about. But it's like, I don't want to be seen as that guy and I don't, and you don't want to be seen as that guy either. Now, do your current streams suck dick and only get 10 people? Sure, probably. Can you be doing other stuff? Yeah. But why did you stop innovating? Cause I'm sure he randomly did Trump one time and it went crazy and this exact same fucking thing happened. Cosplay as somebody else, do different shit, do characters you wouldn't be embarrassed to make your lives live, you know, your life about. And so.

• 1:30:33Speaker 02

  Be a character from the game or something.

• 1:30:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, do something.

• 1:30:35Speaker 02

  Be a dinosaur.

• 1:30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Something do get, I'm not telling you to stop being creative, but you need to find the sweet spot is something that fulfills you artistically and draws eyeballs. Unfortunately, we all have to, one thing about how our culture is degraded is we all have to be our own advertisers. We all have to do like, we have to do marketing as much as we have to do whatever the thing we love is, right? Like, and that sucks to some degree. Um, it would be nice to just be able to get good at something and, and there be an infrastructure for being rewarded for being the best at a thing or very good at a thing. Um, that doesn't exist. So you're gonna have to do, you're gonna have to do a little bit of both, right? You're gonna have to find something marketable that also doesn't make you want to kill yourself. And hearing you describe it, you hear the dread in this man's.

• 1:31:21Speaker 02

  There's a lot of dread.

• 1:31:23Speaker 02

  There's a lot of dread because he's so deathly afraid to go back down to 10.

• 1:31:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:28Speaker 02

  Viewers.

• 1:31:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:30Speaker 02

  He's like, I, I, but also like, why do you like people watching? Shouldn't the video games be like, maybe just Twitch isn't for you? Just play video games.

• 1:31:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:41Speaker 02

  Also.

• 1:31:41Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, but even if I'm, even if he wants to do it.

• 1:31:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'm guess what I'm saying, what I'm telling him is like,

• 1:31:48Stavros Halkias?

  just try some like, oh, don't, the thing that's mo, that gets you the most attention is not the best thing.

• 1:31:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:31:55Stavros Halkias?

  That is, something happened in our fucking society in the last 20 years where people just think, all I want to do is I want to be famous. I want to be popular. I want to be rich. Not, I want to be good at something or, and look, you will have to, you will have to do some things that get eyeballs in a, I'm not going to say cheap, but in a, in a, an accessible way, right? But like, yeah, why don't you try and do stuff that are, is both? You know what I'm saying? I guess that's what I'm telling him is like, you don't want to be the guy. Cause now you're not creative anymore. You're just, you're the algorithms bitch. The algorithm tells you what's good and you suck its cock when, and it says, good boy.

• 1:32:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:34Stavros Halkias?

  That feels good. Go put on that orange face paint and that shitty blonde wig, you fucking piece of shit. You want 1200? Put on the fucking wig pussy. And you're like, yes, sir. Whatever you say. I had these ideas I cared about, but I'm going to fucking throw them in the garbage. So I can, you know, talk about, I don't even fucking know anymore. Like that's the thing. Trump isn't even fun to do anymore.

• 1:32:55Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:32:55Stavros Halkias?

  He's not even the like weird, he's not energetic. He's fucking, he's shitting himself and taking naps at Knicks games. Like he's, it's done. It's not even like, you're being hack.

• 1:33:07Stavros Halkias?

  And pathetic and you don't even like doing it. Just keep, keep at it. I'm not telling you to quit, but keep applying the creativity to other shit. Um, or sell out, be the fucking, the, the Trump guy who does jump scares. I don't know what the fucking tell you. I wouldn't respect that. And again, it's not even about Trump. If you were just the guy who does one gimmick over and over again. I wouldn't necessarily respect that. I think, um, I don't think that's helping you find your voice as a, as a streamer. The fact that we can even say that, I mean, even streaming, pretending streaming is art is brutal, but hey, I'm podcasting.

• 1:33:40Speaker 02

  I think it's, it's amazing how earnest you are. I think you're giving really good information.

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:44Speaker 02

  I'm like, I'm impressed.

• 1:33:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Sometimes, yeah, sometimes I just shit like this. It's just like, it pisses me off. I, I do feel that way about all these algorithms. It's like, they've completely flattened creativity and it's like everyone, I even feel embarrassed. Like, um, like, uh, censoring words so that it gets picked up in the algorithm, but it's like, you just kinda.

• 1:34:06Speaker 02

  My entire YouTube, like I'm like, you can't swear in the first like 12 seconds. I was just like, well, I'm already fucked. Like I, I was like never wor-, I was never worried about that stuff. And I'm happy that I never was.

• 1:34:17Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:34:18Speaker 02

  It's just like, it is scary that people, even at that level, are so worried about that.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point.

• 1:34:24Speaker 02

  It is like a thing with like nobody watching and that's what they're thinking about. I'm like, how do they even know about that stuff? And that, that's the thing is like the algorithm has made, you know, talking about the algorithm as this thing.

• 1:34:36Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:34:36Speaker 02

  But it is like controlling the nobodies.

• 1:34:39Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:34:39Speaker 02

  And there's probably thousands of people that are doing that.

• 1:34:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's a great point.

• 1:34:44Speaker 02

  It is, that's the scariest thing is just like, bro, like break free.

• 1:34:48Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:34:49Speaker 02

  Break free, go, go.

• 1:34:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's such a good point. When you start is when you're supposed to be out of pocket. Imagine how much Dick Come Town would have sucked if we had to.

• 1:34:58Speaker 02

  Can you imagine Come Town censoring things? And, and if we cared about the algorithm?

• 1:35:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:02Speaker 02

  The only reason that show even worked is because we really did not think we had anything to lose. We were just being, and by the way, there's nothing wrong with like starting somewhere and then like, like we're saying. You can be a cocaine addict who then ends up in a farm. You know what I mean? Like, it's fine to.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Be fucking wild, but it's like, yeah, you're right. This is zapping like that initial fun creativity of being.

• 1:35:23Speaker 02

  Well, that's the thing is like we, we started before.

• 1:35:26Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:35:26Speaker 02

  You know, like that is just thing. It's just like, I was making stuff before. I didn't know. We never, I never heard the word content. Or like it never heard like content is like this crazy thing where like.

• 1:35:35Stavros Halkias?

  When you hear seventeen year olds talking about, I want to be a, I want to make content. It's like, what?

• 1:35:39Speaker 02

  What, what do you want to make you motherfucker?

• 1:35:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:41Speaker 02

  That's just your body count videos?

• 1:35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:44Speaker 02

  Like what do you, what are?

• 1:35:45Stavros Halkias?

  Thought daughter. That's why, that's why your parents immigrated to this fucking, you know, country.

• 1:35:50Speaker 02

  It is so crazy.

• 1:35:51Stavros Halkias?

  They mind immigrated so I could do fucking immigrated so I could do fucking podcasts. So who fucking knows? Uh, but yeah, there you go, bud. Don't fuck. You know, you don't want to be this guy.

• 1:35:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:36:00Stavros Halkias?

  Be a different guy.

• 1:36:01Speaker 02

  You're better than that.

• 1:36:02Stavros Halkias?

  You are.

• 1:36:02Speaker 02

  Also, yeah, I feel like we need to say like, there is a, there's, there's, there's a, you know, hotlines you can call if you need help.

• 1:36:12Speaker 02

  Reach out to somebody. Reach out to somebody.

• 1:36:15Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. We believe in you though. Maybe, I don't know. I, you might be bad. I don't fucking know. But everyone's bad when they start out though. Just keep trying different shit that doesn't embarrass you.

• 1:36:23Speaker 02

  And also you don't want to be playing that fit, like you're that fan base. Like you want those types of people watching you? Maybe you are one of those guys, but it sounds like you're not.

• 1:36:31Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like you're not.

• 1:36:32Speaker 02

  But that's the thing. I'm like, yo, you don't want that crowd.

• 1:36:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's either those guys or it's guys that are like, yeah, Trump's bad. It's like, those are both like, and you know, although the MSNBC moms, they've ended up being right about everything. The tattletales that were, they were actually so right. It's fucking crazy and it sucks. Um, how about something fun to go out on little LD?

• 1:36:52Speaker 03

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• 1:37:38Speaker 04

  Dana, listen, I want to talk about something. Every Thursday, you do know that we're hanging out with some of the biggest names in comedy and entertainment, right?

• 1:37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Are you kidding me? Who's been on this show?

• 1:37:48Speaker 04

  We have great people, a lot of fun. And Mondays, it's you and I to ourselves. We riff on life, pop culture, clips online, every stupid thing. So everybody out there, join us Mondays, Thursdays, fly on the wall, wherever you get your podcasts. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of laughs and it's a lot of stupidity.

• 1:38:08Stavros Halkias?

  How about a little update? You remember that oil rig worker who was afraid he got four strippers pregnant? Yes. On a Patreon? And he called in before with another update saying that only three of the kids were his. Well, here's a new update after that. Okay, okay. It's kind of a three parter. Yeah, we've had quite the odyssey with this guy. Yeah. And also another fun element was like, some of his baby moms were racist. Yeah. One was white, one of his kids was mixed race, and one of them didn't want his children to play with each like he impregnated like Nazi strippers as well. Anyway, this guy's, he is pretty awesome. That's kind of some updates on all aspects. Great, great, great.

• 1:38:52Speaker 06

  Yo, what's up, Stavi? You know what it is? I'm finally checking in for the last time. This is your oil rig friend of yours.

• 1:38:59Stavros Halkias?

  Excellent.

• 1:39:00Speaker 06

  Got the four sex workers pregnant. So, long story short, all of the kids were actually mine. Hilarious. All the DNA checked out. Maddish shit. Um, only one of the women got me on child support. The other three, they basically are like, yeah, we're going. Co-parent. Everyone was asking about the racist fiance. Yeah, me and her is done. That's that. She's actually in jail for a cocaine charge. But we can let that slide. So I've got custody of both kids from her.

• 1:39:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 1:39:33Speaker 06

  I'm in all my kids' lives.

• 1:39:36Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:39:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, shit's going good. I'm just checking in. Uh, funny, there's the funny part. Is a motherfucking bitch tried to tell me it wasn't mine, fucked around, because she got mad, fucked around, and it was. So she's sitting here looking retarded. But anyway, yeah, man, money good.

• 1:39:52Stavros Halkias?

  She is. Dude, I got her ass. That kid's mine. You have four, you have four kids that are the same age, but she's the one who looks fucking dumb.

• 1:40:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's so crazy.

• 1:40:04Speaker 06

  Life is good. Kids are mine. Healthy, happy. I'm out here making money.

• 1:40:08Stavros Halkias?

  Good for you, dude.

• 1:40:09Speaker 06

  We're about to go back out to the golf here in a little bit, so I'm about to be on the rig for a little bit, making money. Uh, li- life is fucking awesome.

• 1:40:18Stavros Halkias?

  Good for you, man.

• 1:40:19Speaker 06

  Love you, Stavi. Uh, but everyone in the know about the racist fiance. That bitch is kicked rocks. I was done with that shit.

• 1:40:27Stavros Halkias?

  Good.

• 1:40:27Speaker 06

  But anyway, love you, bro.

• 1:40:29Stavros Halkias?

  We love you, man. Can we send this guy some fucking t-shirts for his children? Text him, Elders. Let him, let him know we got a, they've got a merch bundle for his children. Six babies.

• 1:40:43Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, that's, that guy's kinda tight. He's the man. That's, you want to talk about glass half full? He's like, my life's sick. I got all these kids. I'm going out to the rig, making money. Yo, that racist chick, she's in jail. She got caught slipping on this cocaine charge. It's alright. That's fucking awesome. This guy's the fucking man. She's part of the Aryan Sisterhood in jail. She's fine. Oh, man, that's, I'm, I'm happy for you, man. I'm happy that you, that you're happy to have all these kids in your life. Dude, he needs to come on. I know. Honestly, we do. Have we ever called him live or no? We, me? No, we haven't. Fuck, I'd love to get him on a live call. Physically, with the children. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But truly text him or something, Elders, and let him know we got a merch bundle for his brood.

• 1:41:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 1:41:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, man. That's, that's a beautiful thing to go out on.

• 1:41:33Speaker 02

  That's like, that's a American.

• 1:41:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's aspirational.

• 1:41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, like that is, that's good.

• 1:41:37Stavros Halkias?

  I want to get there, dude.

• 1:41:38Speaker 02

  I like that.

• 1:41:39Stavros Halkias?

  I want to get there for real. I would love that. My mom even has kind of given up. She's just like, because my, now that there's one grandkid, she's greedy. She wants another.

• 1:41:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:47Stavros Halkias?

  And she's just like, I was like, so you wouldn't even care if I, she was like, what if, I was like, well, I don't know. I don't know if I need, do I want to be married? She's like, who cares about that? Like now she wants a grandkid so bad. She's, she would be thrilled if I popped up.

• 1:42:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:01Stavros Halkias?

  We're like, mom, hey.

• 1:42:03Speaker 02

  Couple sex workers. I got 16 kids, had a crazy weekend. You have no idea. I gave you the gift of 16 beautiful multicultural children.

• 1:42:18Stavros Halkias?

  We got a beautiful, all different beiges of, of grandchildren.

• 1:42:22Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be on the road a lot. I gotta work a lot.

• 1:42:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I gotta get on the road. I've gotta get on the rig.

• 1:42:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:26Stavros Halkias?

  Truly, what is, what is a stand-up tour if not kind of being on the rig?

• 1:42:29Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 1:42:30Stavros Halkias?

  You leave your loved ones to go make money. Me and this guy are not that different. I just haven't busted inside the sex workers. That's our big, our big difference is, is raw dogging them, but respect to you, man. We love you. This is a, this is a modern, now this is modern family right now. I want, this is the modern family I want to watch.

• 1:42:50Speaker 02

  We can't shame.

• 1:42:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you had one of the, I love how modern family was, two of them were gay and one was a trophy wife. It's like, big fuck. This is a fucking modern family, dude.

• 1:43:01Speaker 02

  No, this is exactly what America needs. This is the story that could save America.

• 1:43:05Stavros Halkias?

  This is, absolutely.

• 1:43:06Speaker 02

  This is the story that could save.

• 1:43:07Stavros Halkias?

  A guy like this being anti-racist.

• 1:43:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:10Stavros Halkias?

  He's the, he's the median American, actually. A dirtbag who actually isn't racist, but appears racist.

• 1:43:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:16Stavros Halkias?

  Um, which, you know, you could argue both of us are the same thing.

• 1:43:25Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, Matty, dude, thank you so much. Love you. This is so huge. Come back anytime. Um, and yeah, we'd love to have you back.

• 1:43:32Speaker 02

  Hey, anytime.

• 1:43:33Stavros Halkias?

  I want to, I'm gonna come up, if you're ever, I, I also just fucking love Toronto truly.

• 1:43:37Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 1:43:38Stavros Halkias?

  I wanna, I might, I might be up there in the summer, I don't know, but um, anytime you're in New York, hit us up and um, yeah. Go uh, the new season of The Bear is out, go check that out. Toy Story, this motherfucker's in Toy Story, that's fucking hilarious. Watch, watch Tom Hanks save him with his voice. Uh, and yeah, we'll catch you guys next week. Bye bye.